#disco hamlet

[ladycharles]

My first soundtrack album, Oh Boy! is out now! It is for a disco version of Hamlet (seriously) and I drew inspiration from ELO, David Bowie, Abba, of Montreal, Late of the Pier, Rod Stewart (yes), Bee Gees, Kate Bush and even a little Eno, Nine Inch Nails and Philip Glass (half the album is instrumental score and it's the weird half).

(If you don't wanna hear some out there instrumental score skip to track 2 😅💖)

Other streaming or buying links 👇🏼

[bloodybellycomb]

One massive, legitimate way to improve as a writer or artist or in any creative endeavor really, is to become absolutely obsessed with something and to allow yourself to be weird about it. Genuinely mean this btw.

[sunburnacoustic]

Just thinking about his disco ball jacket

Glamlet returns!

[psalmsofpsychosis]

me in this corner on my knees like fellas, i'm literally begging you, please interpret things, dont just fucking swallow stories and essays and media and all kinds of fucking information without giving it two tiny winy thoughts

[zevranunderstander]

remember that one post thats like "yeah there are gay characters in disco elysium. but if you want to play the game just because there are gay characters in it, this is not the game for you" and thats exactly how i feel about black sails

[bluberryfields]

Sadly, there's not enough room in the poll for the iconic Heaven disguise, but it's always worth sharing

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Hobie's Boathouse

The S.S Anne Ark

[Headcanon Concept]

Here it is in all it's Grungy Glory. [Mentions of OCs below - Including my girl Disco-Spider Diane]

About Anne Ark:

The S.S Anne Ark is a modified wide-beam canal boat. Completely off-the-grid, and DIY'd by him, it's Hobie's pride and joy. The Anne Ark is three levels tall - a 'ground' floor, and upstairs, and a locked basement below the deck. The Anne Ark has two 'bedrooms' and one 'bathroom'. Hobie's bedroom is what was once the control room, gutted and converted and the second bedroom was once a small equipment space. Hobie has had Anne for four years, and after years of homelessness as a street kid, he happily calls it his forever home.

The Rooms:

The Living Room - [ Read more about Hobie's Living Room HERE ]

Hobie's make-shift art studio/recording booth/library/cat play area, the Living Room is where Hobie spends most of his time. It features his ratty old couch from Tower Hamlets, a ceiling mic for recording, and Hobie's pride and joy - his jukebox.

Hobie's Workshop

To the left of the jukebox is a hallway that leads to Hobie's workshop, and the staircase down to his locked basement.

Hobie's workshop if full of rubbish and metal that he'll tinker away with for hours. In fact, he made every prototype of his watch in that workshop (and there were many prototypes). Despite what one may assume, it's impeccable in there. He also keeps some gear for protests, as well as somethings he's working on for Spider-punk (barbed wire webs anyone?) OCs: Diane hardly goes in there, blessed with organic webs and cursed with technological incompetence. But sometimes he does invite people like Angel and Ale in.

Outdoor Back Deck

The 1st floor Back Deck houses the main parts of the engine. Hobie maintains and upgrades it regularly, trying out things like clean energy, and emission free designs. ________________________________________________

Behind the cat tree in the photo of the living room, there is a staircase that leads up to the second floor. The stairs open to: Hobie's Bedroom

Covered in army green shag carpet and a king size bed, Hobie's bedroom is nowhere near as put together as his workshop. I mean, the guy uses an amp as a nightstand.

There's usually clothes everywhere, thrifted or hand-made, but there's also a set of bean-bag chairs, dozens of posters, and an old busted-up (but working) TV.

His room as a large window facing his bed, what was once the main window of the boat's control room. The second floor stairs open up into his room, with a glass sliding door to the left that leads to the hallway.

Gwen's Bedroom

Gwen's bedroom is barely that - but she still appreciates it more than anything in the world. Hobie understands how important it is to have your own space when housing insecure, so he wanted her to have somewhere cozy, especially know that sometimes Gwen just wants to be alone. Most of Gwen's stuff his here, and she only keeps her clothes at the Society dorms.

The Decks

Front A hot spot Diane is known to throw raging parties after the band plays, and if you're looking for an encore, head down to Floor 1 and look up - Hobie is known to drop the red banner and play a show or two up there. Or night's off, it's a great place to have a smoke. Back The best place to be. During parties, this is dancefloor. Plus, it's a good place for snogging and looking out on the water. When not in party mode, Hobie cooks most of his food on the outdoor stove and grill. Having dinner out while watching the waves. ____________________________________________ The Colors:

Like Hobie, Anne has a whole spectrum of colors - and it's affected by a whole number of things.

Ranging from black and white to full on rainbow (on one rare occasion - now THAT was trippy), Anne Ark changes color the moment Hobie, or someone else, steps on board.

Sometimes, it can even adopt the art style of those inside - running watercolor when Gwen is upset, or going full harsh-shadow when Noir comes aboard.

Every person has a different color, ranging from yellow for people like Percy and Sacha or pink for Angel.

The Cats:

(pictured are Moto (left), and Pierogi (right)) [Read more about The BoatCats HERE] Other cats he has are: Acid & Viper (siblings), Creampuff (named by Diane) _______________________________________________

FAQ:

What's in Hobie's locked basement?

I don't know. He won't tell me. But it's something that means a lot to him. The basement spans the entirety of the lower-level of the boat.

How many cats does Hobie own?

If you ask, he'll say he doesn't own any. They're free to come and go as they please, and none of them have collars. All of his cats are adopted street cats - either too old, or too weak, or those who just wanted to live with him.

But if you ask Diane, she'll say 5. He's been mentioning bringing aboard a 6th.

Does Diane live on the houseboat?

No. Diane has her own Barbie Dreamhouse - a.k.a an all pink apartment back home in 1294's Harlem. She divides most of her time either there, or at the Black Panther Chapter House she was raised in a block or two away. She rarely stays with Hobie (maybe once or twice a month), and since Hobie messes up her throw pillows and always takes something from her closet, he hardly stays with her either.

Does Gwen live on the houseboat?

Mostly, yes. She has a dorm back at Society, and she sleeps there about 3 days a week. But the rest (including all weekends) is at the houseboat. Does Hobie sail/fish?

Yes, he does both.

What are Hobie's favorite colors?

He hates consistency. But Green, Pink, and Orange.

____________________________________

Yeahhhhh so that's the houseboat. Whenever I mention Diane being on the boat, it's this I'm seeing :) And I just added in the favorite colors thing because why not

Welcome to my incredibly detailed mind palace of Hobie's house boat that does even look anything like the actual concept art lol

Stay as long as you like. Take your shoes off, make yourself comfortable. Hobie's grilling out back and Diane's making the Kool-Aid (sweet as hell for no reason smh).

Now per usual, take this photo of Hobie, and if the police ask about a boat or sumn tell em u aint seen shit ok

Bye.

_______________________ OCs mentioned:

Disco-Spider Diane @mothmothmothmothmothmoth 's Sacha

@thewolfsoul 's Percy

@onmyownside1 's Angel

@spidey-bie 's Ansi

@suchholydebauchery 's Asa

anon's Alejandro

(i think that all I mentioned lol)

[slavghoul]

Interview from Upset Magazine 6/2023

Words: Steven Loftin

Like an apparition manifesting within a dense fog, it was through radio static that Swedish rockers Ghost were formed. In the kindergarten he attended as a young boy, Tobias Forge found himself enamoured with the music crackling through the little toy speakers. From this point forward, he began picking apart the notes and melodies - his journey toward the lore and canon coming into focus as he sat, trying to figure out how this black magic could be summoned.

While it would be many years before he would don his garb as Papa Emeritus, the essence of what his future would sound like was being set through his exposure to a wide variety of music. If any proof were needed, just look to the impressive list of covers Ghost have put their ghastly mark upon, including 2016's 'Popestar' EP, which included the band's takes on Echo & The Bunnymen ('Nocturnal Me') and Simian Mobile Disco ('I Believe').

Ghost's latest EP is another covers bonanza. A five-piece offering of Tobias's backstory, 'Phantomime' plays out like a Greatest Hits radio playlist - a fitting throwback to Tobias' first dalliances with music. Of course, when a group more aligned to the metal/hard rock community bust out covers, including Genesis and Tina Turner, eyebrows are raised. To this reaction, Tobias scoffs. "In 1991, Genesis was one of the biggest bands on the planet! That was a huge hit. In the mid-80s, when I had an older teenage brother who rented every VHS movie that came out, of course, we saw the fucking Thunderdome, and that was a huge hit, and it's still being played on Swedish radio. It's an evergreen; it's not an eclectic choice at all," he declares. "I grew up listening to Stranglers because my brother liked them. What else do we have, Iron Maiden - I mean, are you kidding? I'm a metalhead!"

Originally conceived during the sessions for their fifth album, last year's 'Impera', there were two folders on his computer's desktop: one named 'Impera', the other simply 'Covers'. As the ideas for 'Impera' grew, Tobias would enter his usual routine of working on a cover or two. "At any point, when you lose a little wind in writing your own things, it's quite nice to say, 'Today let's go in and work on the covers'; you can choose anything you want, you can work on absolutely anything you want. And you don't have to finish it, you don't have to release it, you don't have to do anything, but just continue working."

He likens it to the freedom of being a theatre owner who, instead of trying to pen the next greatest Broadway phenomenon, opts to have a go at something already timeless and perfected.

"Maybe you're like, 'Okay, so this fall we're just going to do a reinterpretation of Hamlet instead, that's going to be fine, and that keeps everyone working, and that keeps a project moving along! And I find a similar thing with working on covers. So as I was writing "Impera', the covers folder was also growing exponentially and at a point. I had this idea that was going to be a full-length album."

With COVID restrictions meaning the original producer for 'Impera' was stuck in the US, Tobias had to source a replacement. It would be Klas Åhlund who stepped up to the plate. But, on one condition. "He was pretty upfront. He was like. Yeah, I only want to make the record; I don't want to work on covers," Tobias remembers "Fine, fine, fine, that's fine." he shrugs. "So, after the 'Impera' recording was done, I felt as if making a completely different, whole record again: I didn't have time for that. I didn't have the energy for that. But once I trimmed down the number of songs to only these five to make a very rocky record, it loosened up the screws a little bit for me in terms of like, "Okay, so now I know what the EP is going to be - it's going to be a full, full-throttle rock one."

Ditching some rumoured softer covers, including U2, Misfits, and Motörhead. 'Phantomime is instead a delectable slice of Ghost doing what Ghost do best: creating theatrically big rock. It's Tobias's mark upon some bonafide classics, including Iron Maiden's 'Phantom of the Opera' which feels as befitting to Ghost as it does seeing Papa Emeritus kick the bucket ready for his next iteration. While the focus was on creating this small dose of Tobias's musical DNA, it also served another purpose; to simply be "not very complicated." The project began with the mindset of "we can make this recording loosely - quick but stress-free - as opposed to making a record which is your hard fifth record that needs to live up to certain standards. So it was just a very inspired, very simple recording, actually."

After the complexities of 'Impera' which wound up requiring two studios simultaneously running in parallel "to be able to work efficiently" - Ghost was morphing into a taxing experience for the band leader, "It was just a bigger thing [and] way more stressful."

Deciding to strip that covers folder down to the five tracks, by all accounts, 'Phantomime was a measured and reserved effort. "It ended up being me, an engineer, and an occasional musician coming in and doing something. It was so much looser, so much more mentally Feng Shui," he smiles, relief glowing in his voice. "And I think that that reflected a little bit on the two different records. They're meant to be related - they are definitely related - they were made roughly in the same time, but they're completely different things."

'Phantomime' plays out like a ghoulish social commentary. Starting with a searing rendition of Televison's 'See No Evil, the journey traverses the scourge of Televangelism (Genesis' Jesus He Knows Me') with a delightfully-fitting NSFW video, the instant gratification humans require to feel (The Stranglers' Hanging Around"); the pull back into cruel reality (Phantom Of The Opera"), and the resulting undying hope from a degraded society (Tina Turner's 'We Don't Need Another Hero"). Each offering is bolstered with Ghost's dramatic, theatric rock licks and Tobias's powerhouse vocals.

With 'Phantomime' in the bag and the European leg of the 'Impera' tour imminent (Tobias is currently holed up in preparation), the idea of reflecting on how he came to go from a young boy listening to the static sounds of pop hits on the radio to orchestrating not only a feverishly adored band and its lore but finding the capacity to embrace his inner music nerd, couldn't be more timely. Tobias's relationship with music has always been one of intrigue. He's a pop songwriter with the ambition and ideas of a stadium rock band, which, in essence, explains perfectly why Ghost can sit in a unique, exponentially growing and expanding space.

"My earliest inclination of wanting to transform into something else was definitely Twisted Sister," he recalls. "You know, "I Want To Rock' and 'We're Not Going To Take It' - that was a huge record in 1984, and in 1984, I was three years old," he says. "My brother was 16, so everything that was going on pop-culturally amongst teenagers was happening in my home."

It was thanks to his brother that much of Tobias's relationship with music was formed. He's introduced him to various giants of the time, like tectonic plates being pushed around, impacting and shaping his musical landscape. Translating for young Tobias the attitude of punk at the time, as well as everything else that was 'in', he remembers, "When I was a kid, and he was supposed to babysit me, as a pacifier he would put me in front of [Sex Pistols mockumentary film] 'The Great Rock 'n' Roll Swindle"," he laughs. "And then when that was over, he would just switch to [X-rated cartoon] Fritz the Cat. And I loved that stuff, of course. That was as much [about] the expression and the attitude. Of course, I loved the songs, but it was also filtered or combined with big songs for me." Those big songs ("Men At Work 'Down Under'," he initially cites, "those sort of songs still have a unique place in my in my writing") would eventually entwine with his darker side that he'd explore as he grew older. "Whilst my whole adolescence was completely in the name of extreme metal, I always had a very soft spot for Top 40 rock and pop radio always," Tobias explains. "And I've listened to that all my life. So it's almost equal portions of Venom as it is anything. that was on the radio."

Also, witnessing shock and glam-rock bands explode intrigued Tobias. He became swept away in the idea that not only could you push a boundary to its absolute limits with convictions and over-the-top grandiosity, but you could do so with songs that quantifiably bop. But, as time has gone onto prove, it wasn't pop music that enamoured Tobias enough that he wanted to become a pop star. It's the mythology and mystery that has become his calling card.

Tobias remained an enigma under the disguise of an evolving form of the iconic Papa Emeritus (now in his fourth incarnation) until 2017, after a lawsuit from a previous iteration of his backing band's rotating cast, the Nameless Ghouls. Visual and video components to releases are often hoovered up by the fandom, stripped apart for meaning and potential. Instagram posts are referred to as a '[Message From The Clergy]" (a phrase later claimed for 2022's Best Of playlist), and lest it is forgotten, the Ghost 'Grucifix' - the prominent crucifix deconstructed into Tobias's gothic 'G' logo - which ties together the vision, religious imagery and satire that would become a core part of the Ghost experience.

His musical ambition and education colliding in the middle of his Venn diagram between dark metal and pop magic is thanks to the likes of the aforementioned Twisted Sister and W.A.S.P., as well as his teen years in the black metal community. "Their first record was also a huge impact in Swedish media," Tobias remembers. "There was this big sort of Satanic panic thing going on at the time in the fall of 1984. Where you had essentially all those things happening. You had Mötley Crüe 'Shout At The Devil', which came out a year earlier, and they were there because they toured with Iron Maiden in 1984, so there was a lot of focus on these shock-rock bands. I saw that as a kid, and I was immediately blown away - it was the coolest thing I've ever seen. And I think that that was the trigger that made me identify as that is how I want to express myself."

Decoding the songs he'd hear also became an integral part of that expression. "That was the only thing I did for years before I started writing my own songs." Recalling his time in kindergarten, they had a piano and guitar, which Tobias became infatuated with. Instead of playing with the other children, he would find himself enraptured, listening to the radio or flipping over whichever cassette happened to be loaded at the time. He would then imitate the sounds he was soaking up. "A lot of those early beginnings of how to learn and how I've learned how to understand music filters through everything I do now," he explains.

The early records he'd find himself trying to unpack included KISS 'Alive' and Pink Floyd's 'Piper At The Gates Of Dawn' - disparate matches, but undoubtedly Ghost fuel with hard rock melodies and psychedelic tendencies. "I had the first and the second Pink Floyd on a double LP that was called 'A Nice Pair'. And that's the shit that I sat and listened to and played guitar to," he says proudly. "That's weird music, that's really weird chord sequences and melodies that sort of went nowhere. And, that coloured me a lot in my vision of this is how you write a pop song. Of course, I knew more conventional writing as well. But I figured that this resonates with me, and I want to write more like that."

Tobias is the first to admit that the influence his musical exposure has had on him isn't the most straightforward. "For all the years that I was in bands, up until Ghost, basically when I was in bands not doing well, I got a lot of, I wouldn't say stick, but it was always like, 'You write weird songs, there's something weird about them, and it will never really become anything because it has that sort of weirdness to it".

As he grew, the songs he'd heard reflected this inherent strangeness he'd constructed. Before the days of mass formulaic pop factories, the music emanating from the radio abided by the strictest rule of needing to at least be approachable, but within these confines, artists of the 70s and 80s would push the envelope as far as they could. Citing Nik Kershaw's 'The Riddle' as one example, "Holy shit, if you would have taken that song and taken it to a chord structure masterclass amongst pop writers now who want to write songs for Miley Cyrus or The Weeknd or any of that sort of level they would say, no, no, no, no, that this will never work. It's too strange. It's too weird. You can't do that; it doesn't have the normal chord progression.

"There are a lot of songs from the 80s that are like that," he reckons, "compared to the now, more informative way of writing, the 80s was braver actually, and it worked well. And those songs are evergreens in a way that a lot of the top radio shit from seven years ago is forgotten, and that's the stuff that I grew up with when I started playing the guitar."

Having made that inner sanctum, he would enter kindergarten a reality, one where he can explore those recesses of his mind shaken by the musical earthquakes he experienced; now, he's matured and deeply entrenched in the reality. "Throughout the modern day of pop writing, I know a few professional pop songwriters, and we continue having these conversations because in pop," he says, "where some of them work prolifically on really high releases, they're like, it's strange how the business wants everything to be so informative. Everybody wants a weird song, but still, all the big songs are usually very, very formatted [and] very, very simple."

While unpacking the songs he'd heard back in the 80s offered Tobias a chance to comprehend what makes a good song, it, more importantly, helped him to set out doing it on his own. When digging into crafting a new Ghost number, Tobias explains that "each new song is a little bit like virgin territory with its own riddle to be solved, and is always a combination of the horror of maybe not solving the puzzle, with the thrill when you do. And it's never easy because each new song needs something new. And so you constantly need to feed your ability with knowledge about how other things are."

Breaking it down into a figurative example, he likens it to being like a detective. "I'm assuming that part of being a great detective is to constantly have an open mind, but also constantly learning about human behaviour and wha people do. If you just had 100 forensic classes, but you know nothing about people and how they live their lives, it's gonna be hard to solve crimes." The same rings true for writers who have to read to improve and further understand language, while comedians pull from real-life experiences - music is no different. Tobias's early days of stripping down songs to their basic parts and then rebuilding them have remained a constant endeavour. "But that's how you write songs as well; you go and absorb new things."

The covers process, as mentioned, is a release for Tobias. When things are stuck when trying to piece together a new chapter for the Ghost bible, a cover offers up a chance for something lighter. "Working on covers can be equally euphoric," he confirms, "because it's fun to understand a song whereas, on the other hand, it can be almost demoralising because you're like, I can't believe that this song is so much better than anything that I've written! And it's so much easier. It's so simple."

"I find myself overcomplicating things often, but you might not hear the complicated detour that I took to end up at the more understandable, straighter version that ended up being the actual recording," he continues. "That's a never-ending struggle because that's how it's supposed to be. It's not like you write the one song. I don't think I know anyone or know of anyone who's content with the idea of having written one huge song. And then you know, okay, that's nirvana for you. You don't write the one song the same way that if you're a comedian, it's not like, 'Oh, I just told the funniest joke. So now I'm done".

While Tobias is one for wanting to keep the ball rolling and on a constant endeavour to continue his musical evolution, he knows there's a limit. Every release of Ghost must have a purpose. Nodding to the 60s method of firing singles out on all fronts, eventually compiling them for a full-length release, Tobias acknowledges his relationship with his fans is based on a more long-term understanding. "That's not how we do things; we make an album, and off of that album, there are singles - it's a 70s/80s thinking. And I don't want to refrain from that - I don't want too many singles to be these autonomous little creatures."

But the world is different now. It's a Wild West where being in the masses' consciousness is key, so things may have to change for him. Admitting that right now, he knows he's post-release of Ghost's last canon entry, 'Impera', which arrived back in 2022, and while 'Phantomime' is a reasonable enough bridge, sooner or later, he's going to have to play the game of ensuring Ghost ramp up. Earlier this year, Ghost collaborated with Def Leppard's Joe Elliott on a re-release of 'Impera' cut 'Spillways' which, while a fantastic addition to their arsenal, adds to the same notion Tobias is fearful of. "I'm slowly preparing for making a new record that's going to come out in 2024, which is way too long for the current contemporary music climate; you need to be ever-present," the last phrase hanging in the air ominously.

That doesn't mean he has to lower his standards, however. No Ghost release will exist just for content's sake. Everything must have its place. He even reckons a 14-track album is "a lot of music", and he still sees an album as being "22 minutes of music per side" - true to form, currently, no standard issue of any Ghost album breaches 12 tracks. He's even ready to aim for the likes of The Rolling Stones and The Beatles by swiftly lobbing a couple of spicy takes out. "Look, man, I don't even think that 'Exile on Main Street' is that good. Not even the fucking White album is that great - break it up! Both of those records would have been better if they were trimmed down to singular records."

That pop mind breaking through; Tobias is someone who knows that music is entertainment. Certainly, a medium which often leads to more bulky connotations, but it must entertain. It's why he doesn't pay any mind to those naysayers that yearn for Ghost to be more metal or to follow a different path. This is Tobias's game; we're just privy to the sermon. These days the floodgates are open and, when compared to previous decades, as Tobias remembers it, "you had to buy your own records. Whatever additional music you got, that wasn't maybe heard on the TV or the radio, when you took something from someone else, was usually a choice, so music styles could in some way be a little bit more insular back then just because you weren't subjected to as much." He mentions his beloved death metal as being a signifier of the changes happening. "Back in the day, when I was starting listening to extreme metal, that was completely embraced by a certain little subculture or group of mostly teenagers and 20-somethings. Whereas in the 2000s, when Vice started doing black metal reporting, all of a sudden you have indie personalities who were fans of Darkthrone, and so, obviously, what ended up that turned into this fusion, which was a positive and very natural thing."

This cultural shift is another reason Ghost's space is widening and its success growing. "Nowadays, people are a little bit more open," he admits. But, with this comes issues. "As time has progressed, metal and hard rock, as well as most genres that have been around for a while, [they've] gone from this youth culture to a conservative institution because so many of the fans are now aged." The passage of time waits for no one. But, more presciently for culture, it also means our understanding of what is 'good' and what should be where is moulded differently to when we were younger. "Unfortunately, that happens to most people regardless of who you were when you were 20," Tobias reckons, "or your ideals when you're like 40/50/60 years old. Your brain starts morphing into a slightly more conservative, slightly more nostalgic... You don't want things to change."

Tobias is the first to hold his hands up and admit the same has happened to him. He yearns for 1984 and even 1990-94. He would even be happy with 1987, back to those days with the crackling radio and a childlike spirit. "That would be so much cooler. I loved that way more than in this day and age. But I can't sit around and mope about that because it's not a problem that it's not 1987."

'Phantomime' is proof nostalgia can be a useful tool. It fuels with passion, and Ghost is Tobias's Neverland. "There's such a debate about what we are and why that is." Ghost are a band that, thanks to Tobias's musical education, transcend time. They exist on their own plain and with the evergreen, timeless sounds of yesteryear echoing around Tobias's head, long may Papa reign with his gloved melodic iron fist.

[gravityismyarchnemesis]

spotlight on hamlet: to be or not to be that is the question

spotlight turns off

faint music is heard in the distance as lights are seen flashing in hamlet’s window

cuts to hamlet face down on the ground, led lights in his room set to disco caramelldancen blasting through the room

[l-just-want-to-see]

something in the static by @bonerot19

on the American tragedy, rivers, parents that loved you up until the time they couldn’t save you, friendship, Hamlet, the seemingly unending darkness at the end of the tunnel and then, nevertheless, the light.

nodus tollens definition, Eunoia / Sisyphus, Andrew Bird / THE NIGHT BEFORE I LEAVE HOME, Elisa Gonzalez / After the Movie, Marie Howe + Ivan the Terrible and His Son Ivan, Ilya Repin / The Great Gatsby, Francis Scott Fitzgerald / Grief Lessons: Four Plays by Euripides, Anne Carson + Van Gogh Never Watched The World Burn, Aja Trier / A Little Life, Hanya Yanagihara / @/bitsbyt3s on Twitter / An American Tragedy (1931) movie poster / Rivers, Nicolás Guilén + Ophelia, John Everett Millais / Funeral for Unreturned Ashes, Travis Chi Wing Lau / Homesick, Noah Kahan / “The world is a beautiful place,” Lawrence Ferlinghetti + Hamlet’s ‘Antic Disposition’, Reviews Rangs and Rambles / The Holdovers (2023) / Nothing Changes, Hadestown / Another Day, @/lesley-oldaker on devianart / Some days of wine and pastry, Samiya Bashir / First Light Last, Paul Mariani / Poster by Despair, Inc. / My Own Private Idaho, @bellamysgriffin / Disco Elysium / @catadromously / Dead Stars, Ada Limón + phot from pexels by cottonbro studio / The View Between Villages (Extended Version), Noah Kahan /@catadromously / An Incomplete List Of Platonic Soulmates, Molly Burford / énouement definition, eunoia

[ladycharles]

Oh Boy track by track part 2 - Hands (Hamlet context dump incoming)

"Oh Boy" the play is a twisted disco version of Hamlet that unfolds in small town Ontario, and so "Hands" is a track that is about my impression of Claudius, in this case renamed Colonel Uncle Arvin by Kosta, the playwright.

Arvin/Claudius is portrayed as a military man, his kingdom a disco bar (Colonel Uncle Arvin's Family Style Restaurant and Dancehall) in small town Ontario rather than all of Denmark. He is deeply inhibited, brutish, scheming, and prone to emotional outbursts that he barely masks with a deep cynicism.

This song was composed for his entrance - a dance solo. He is a limbering, awkwardly masculine dancer and so I wanted the track to feature an uneven rhythm despite the rigid 4/4 of disco - hence the chorus bassline actually comes in before the drums instead of being locked in, creating a sense of pulling against the beat as if to wrest control of the rhythm like the feelings of anger and anxiety driving him.

And so the lyrics too follow the theme of his internal conflict. I know anxiety and panic, and the song recounts the feelings of being controlled by anxiety, the "commotion" being the loss of control of a meltdown or panic attack.

Men like Arvin do not wear their emotions on their sleeve, so I couldn't make it direct. Instead I tried to write as the older, more inhibited generations do - using poetic language to obscure the meaning. This is the realm of "feeling like a shadow/drifting like a leaf*" not "I spend my waking hours haunting my own life/I made the one I love start crying tonight**"

The track was mixed and edited by Mark Plati, who produced David Bowie's Earthling and Toy albums and who I actually saw play guitar for him when I was 13 and had the luck of seeing Bowie in Toronto. He is an incredibly talented musical mind and much like Erin Tonkon did to my other tracks he worked some magic to where it really came alive compares to my rough mix. It's amazing being able to have these experienced and brilliant hands on deck, and I learned a lot from both of them.

An example of Plati's work with Bowie - check out the explosion of the chorus, what a dynamic track. Loved this one in my youth.

*Move On - Bowie

**Spiteful Intervention - of Montreal

[revacholianpizzaagenda]

Okay sorry I told myself the nerd slapfights do not matter, if the professional translation skipped a one-off mention of a new nation it doesn't really matter, if instead of a Seraise swordsman it says seraphim's ensign it doesn't really matter, if it doesn't align with the Hamlet quote the Dros quote the Luiga quote the Measurehead deep lore it doesn't really matter, if it calls the ICP the CoPo the discerning Disco fan can sort it out from context etc etc etc. Nerd slapfights. Nothing but respect for a professional translator who self-evidently was handed this cactus of a text without the means to know or check anything about Elysium and did what they could on that front, and many great things otherwise.

But what's clawing at Nilsen, what's at the core of his conflict, is that the communists were prey. Not "beasts" like that translation says. The point is they were slaughtered. When Zigi gets beaten up, he's prey, he's a victim who can't fight back. Nilsen slaughtered thousands in turn to fight back. A weapon of mass destruction would be terrible but hey at least they would not be prey anymore.

That's game, hunted animal.

Translating it as beast would work in other contexts but here it thoroughly changes the meaning. "Beautiful beast, communism loves you" means a very different thing; "[too bad about the WMD] and at least this way we are no longer beasts" just doesn't connect.

All this to say, just a heads up that that's not what the text is saying, in a rather central aspect of its whole rather central discourse on the slide from communism to nihilism.

[insanepoll]

WELCOME TO THE INSANE CHARACTER TOURNAMENT

Here's where your favourite insane characters will battle to the death for the first spot! More below the "keep reading" line.

Pre-match rounds start April 12th at 1PM (EDT)! Each round will have 24h to vote. For propaganda, you can go ahead and submit it in the askbox or through normal submissions. If you want to post your own propaganda, be sure to tag me so I can reblog it! I hope to see y'all there!!!

Round 1-A matches:

Alex Kralie (Marble Hornets) VS The Antagonist (Hatred (2015))

Drusilla (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) VS Hisoka (Hunter x Hunter)

Tokishige Usami (Golden Kamuy) VS Enerjak (Sonic the Hedgehog)

Harry Du Bois (Disco Elysium) VS Evan (EverymanHYBRID)

Azula (ATLA) VS Knock Knock (Phantom Spirits (2002))

Eric Cartman (South Park) VS Wade Wilson / Deadpool (Marvel)

Orochimaru (Naruto) VS WINNER PRE-MATCH I

Sasuke Uchiha (Naruto Shippuden) VS Delirium (Sandman)

Castiel (Supernatural) VS Simon Keyes (Ace Attorney Investigations 2)

Opal Koboi (Artemis Fowl) VS Bibble (Barbie Fairytopia)

Hamlet (The Tragical History of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark) VS The Observer (TribeTwelve)

Misty Quigley (Yellowjackets) VS Lestat de Lioncourt (Interview with the Vampire)

Will Graham (NBC Hannibal) VS Shou Tucker (FMA)

Ophelia (The Tragical History of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark) VS Starscream (Transformers)

Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls) VS WINNER PRE-MATCH II

The Narrator (Fight Club) VS Gamzee Makara (Homestuck)

Round 1-B matches:

Dabi (My Hero Academia) VS Shinobu Sensui (Yu Yu Hakusho)

The entire cast of Blaseball (Blaseball) VS Trexel Geistman (Stellar Firma)

Seo Moon-jo (Strangers from Hell) VS Sammy Lawrence (Bendy and the Ink Machine)

Sebastian Morgenstern (The Shadowhunter Chronicles) VS GIR (Invader Zim)

Aerion Targaryen (A Song of Ice and Fire) VS Lucille Bluth (Arrested Development)

Dottore (Genshin Impact) VS Helena (Orphan Black)

GLaDOS (Portal (Game Series)) VS WINNER PRE-MATCH III

Dr. Franken Stein (Soul Eater) VS Tyrian Callows (RWBY)

Samarie (Fear and Hunger 2: Termina) VS Mahito (Jujutsu Kaisen)

Cersei Lannister (A Song of Ice and Fire) VS Lee Dongsik (Beyond Evil)

Anakin Skywalker / Darth Vader (Star Wars) VS Rebecca Bunch (Crazy Ex-girlfriend)

John Kramer (Saw) VS The Mad Hatter (Alice in Wonderland)

Light Yagami (Death Note) VS Komaeda Nagito (Danganronpa 2)

The Master (Doctor Who) VS Simon Laurent (Infinity Train)

Gollum (Lord of the Rings) VS WINNER PRE-MATCH IV

Roman Roy (Succession) VS Jack (The Shining)

Round 1-C matches:

Jinx (Arcane) VS Niki Sanders / Jessica Sanders (Heroes)

Micolash, Host of the Nightmare (Bloodborne) VS Professor Henry Hidgens (Hatchetfield)

Victor Frankenstein (Frankenstein) VS Cicero (Skyrim)

Renfield (Dracula) VS Dr. Gregory House (House MD)

Tim Drake (DC) VS Ultra Violet (Lego Ninjago)

Donatello Hamato (ROTTMNT) VS Spamton G. Spamton (Deltarune)

The Ice King (Adventure Time) VS WINNER PRE-MATCH V

Villanelle (Killing Eve) VS Kira Yoshikage (Jojo's Bizarre Adventure)

Max (Sam and Max) VS Loki (The Mechanisms)

Darcy (Amphibia) VS Cheryl Tunt (Archer)

Harrowhark Nonagesimus (The Locked Tomb) VS Dr. Baxter Stockman (TMNT 2003)

Izzy (Total Drama) VS Alfred Drevis (Mad Father)

Michael Distortion (The Magnus Archives) VS Vegas Theerapanyakul (Kinnporsche)

Doomguy (Doom) VS Gabriel Agreste (Miraculous)

Ben Chang (Community) VS WINNER PRE-MATCH VI

Fëanor (The Silmarillion) VS Ryuki (AI: The Somnium Files)

Round 1-D matches:

Eliot Cardale / Eli Ever (Villains Duology) VS Knives Millions (Trigun)

Denji (Chainsaw Man) VS Bubby (Half Life: VR but the AI is Self Aware)

Tsukishima Hajime (Golden Kamuy) VS Alucard (Hellsing Ultimate)

Hannibal Lecter (NBC Hannibal) VS Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)

Johnny C. (Johnny The Homicidal Maniac) VS Leopold Fitz (Marvel)

Midori (Your Turn To Die) VS Ken Kaneki (Tokyo Ghoul)

Pugsley Addams (The Addams Family) VS WINNER PRE-MATCH VII

Billy Lenz (Black Christmas (1974)) VS Grell Sutcliff (Black Butler)

Goro Akechi (Persona 5) VS Fintan Pyren (Keeper of the Lost Cities)

Galahad (The Mechanisms) VS Alexander Hilbert (Wolf 359)

Armand (Interview with the Vampire) VS Spinel (Steven Universe)

Jīn Guāngyáo (Mo Dao Zu Shi (The Untamed)) VS Himiko Toga (My Hero Academia)

Morgana Pendragon (BBC Merlin) VS Nikolai Gogol (Bungo Stray Dogs)

Harley Quinn (DC) VS Xue Yang (Mo Dao Zu Shi (The Untamed))

Eren Jaeger (Attack on Titan) VS WINNER PRE-MATCH VIII

Chat Blanc (Miraculous) VS Volo (Pokemon Legends Arceus)

But first, we'll have the pre-match rounds that will determine if any of the following characters that almost didn't survive the cut will manage to secure a spot in the competition! They are as follows:

PRE-MATCH I: Caleb (Blood (1997)) VS Tuco Salamanca (Better Call Saul)

PRE-MATCH II: Pinkie Pie (My Little Pony) VS Amy Kirio (Mairimashita! Iruma-kun)

PRE-MATCH III: Magic Man (Adventure Time) VS Mindbender (GI Joe Renegades)

PRE-MATCH IV: Jevil (Deltarune) VS Midari Ikishima (Kakegurui)

PRE-MATCH V: Dennis Reynolds (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia) VS Eddie Gluskin (Outlast)

PRE-MATCH VI: Vanilla Ice (Jojo's Bizarre Adventure) VS Roberto (Futurama)

PRE-MATCH VII: Jonathan Crane / The Scarecrow (DC) VS Annie Wilkes (Misery)

PRE-MATCH VIII: Ben Linus (Lost) VS Kristoph Gavin (Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney)

[notasfilosoficas]

“Nadie nos advirtió que extrañar es el costo que tienen los buenos momentos”

Mario Benedetti 

Fue un escritor, poeta, dramaturgo y periodista uruguayo, nacido en Paso de los Toros en mayo de 1920.

Fue hijo de Brenno Benedetti y Matilde Farrugia, quienes lo bautizaron con el nombre de Mario Orlando Hardy Hamlet Brenno Benedetti Farrugia.

Vivió en Paso de los Toros los primeros tres años de su vida, y cambió de residencia a Tacuarembó por asuntos de negocios de su familia.

Estudió de manera incompleta hasta la secundaria en 1935 en donde abandonó la misma por problemas económicos, continuando de manera libre.

A los 14 años trabajó en una empresa de repuestos para automóviles, y posteriormente se desempeñó en múltiples oficios para ganarse la vida.

En 1946, se casó con Luz Lopez Alegre, con quien permanecería casado hasta el fallecimiento de ella en el 2006.

En 1944, dirigió una revista literaria y publicó un libro de ensayos integrados. En 1945 se unió al equipo de redacción de un semanario en dónde permaneció hasta 1974, año en que fue clausurado por el gobierno de Juan María Bordaberry quien fuera presidente constitucional de 1972 a 1973 y dictador de 1973 a 1976.

A partir de 1950, se convirtió en uno de los miembros del consejo de redacción de una de las revistas mas destacadas de la época, y en 1964 trabajó como crítico de teatro, y en una pagina literaria semanal de un diario.

Por su posición política y tras el golpe de estado de 1973, Benedetti abandonó Uruguay exiliándose en Buenos Aires Argentina y posteriormente a Perú en donde fue detenido, deportado y amnistiado para luego instalarse en Cuba de agosto de 1975 a fines de 1979. Un año después residió en Madrid España y posteriormente en la Isla de Mallorca.

Es durante su exilio que publica dos de sus mejores poemarios; Poemas de Otros en 1974 y La casa de ladrillo en 1977, ese mismo año, publica una de sus novelas más conocidas; Primavera con una esquina rota.

En 1985, Benedetti regresa a Uruguay, en donde es nombrado miembro del consejo editor de un nuevo semanario dando continuidad al proyecto interrumpido en 1974.

A lo largo de su vida Benedetti recibió múltiples reconocimientos y distinciones, incluyendo un doctorado Honoris Causa por la Universidad de Alicante.

Su extensa obra abarcó géneros narrativos, dramáticos y poéticos. Fue autor de ensayos y el Cantante Joan Manuel Serrat musicalizó varios de sus poemas en el disco “El sur también existe”.

Mario Benedetti fallece en mayo de 2009 en su casa de Montevideo a los 88 años de edad. Fue sepultado en el panteón Nacional de Montevideo reuniendo a cientos de ciudadanos, personalidades y amigos del escritor.

Fuente Wikipedia.

[two-of-them-tournament]

TWO OF THEM TOURNAMENT ROUND 1

Begins March 15 at noon EST. There will be 8 polls per day. Matchups under the cut.

DAY ONE

Troy Barnes & Abed Nadir (Community) VS Booster Gold & Ted Kord (DC Comics) WINNER: Troy & Abed!

Ingo & Emmet (Pokemon) VS Newton Geiszler & Hermann Gottlieb (Pacific Rim) WINNER: Ingo & Emmet!

Kagamine Rin & Len (Vocaloid) VS Sherlock Holmes & John Watson (The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes) WINNER: Holmes & Watson!

Sans & Papyrus (Undertale) VS Sun Wukong & Six-eared Macaque (LEGO Monkie Kid) WINNER: Sans & Papyrus!

Breekon & Hope (Magnus Archives) VS Ace Trappola & Deuce Spade (Twisted Wonderland) WINNER: Breekon & Hope!

Dipper & Mabel Pines (Gravity Falls) VS Achilles & Patroclus (Greek mythology) WINNER: Dipper & Mabel!

Mario & Luigi (Super Mario Bros) VS Ash Ketchum & Pikachu (Pokemon) WINNER: Mario & Luigi!

Jessie & James (Pokemon) VS Timon & Pumbaa (The Lion King) WINNER: Jessie & James!

DAY TWO

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern (Hamlet) VS Benson Mekler & Dave (Kipo) WINNER: Rosencrantz & Guildenstern!

Pippin Took & Merry Brandybuck (Lord of the Rings) VS Benton Fraser & Ray Kowalski (Due South) WINNER: Merry & Pippin!

Frodo Baggins & Samwise Gamgee (Lord of the Rings) VS Sailor Uranus & Sailor Neptune (Sailor Moon) WINNER: Frodo & Sam!

Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens) VS Finn & Jake (Adventure Time) WINNER: Finn & Jake!

Statler & Waldorf (The Muppet Show) VS Strong Bad & The Cheat (Homestar Runner) WINNER: Statler & Waldorf!

Bert & Ernie (Sesame Street) VS Vex'ahlia & Vax'ildan (Critical Role) WINNER: Bert & Ernie!

Sonic & Tails (Sonic the Hedgehog) VS Jadzia Dax (Star Trek) WINNER: Sonic & Tails!

Phineas & Ferb VS Carl Carlson & Lenny Leonard (The Simpsons) WINNER: Phineas & Ferb!

DAY THREE

Sam & Max VS Will Graham & Hannibal Lecter (NBC Hannibal) WINNER: Sam & Max!

Spongebob & Patrick (Spongebob Squarepants) VS Eddie Brock & Venom (Marvel Comics) WINNER: Spongebob & Patrick!

Wallace & Gromit VS The 10th Doctor & Donna Noble (Doctor Who) WINNER: Wallace & Gromit!

Geordi LaForge & Data (Star Trek) VS Frog & Toad WINNER: Frog & Toad!

Spock & Jim Kirk (Star Trek) VS Wug Test (Linguistics) WINNER: Spock & Kirk!

Bill S. Preston & Theodore Logan (Bill and Ted) VS Fireboy & Watergirl WINNER: Bill & Ted!

Nadja of Antipaxos & Laszlo Cravensworth (What We Do in the Shadows) VS Heinz Doofenshmirtz & Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb) WINNER: Doofenshmirtz & Perry!

Nastya Rasputina & The Aurora (The Mechanisms) VS Harry DuBois & Kim Kitsuragi (Disco Elysium) WINNER: Harry & Kim!

DAY FOUR

Pinky & The Brain (Animaniacs) VS Scooby & Shaggy (Scooby-Doo) WINNER: Scooby & Shaggy!

Nico Di Angelo & Will Solace (Percy Jackson) VS Timmy & Tommy (Animal Crossing) WINNER: Timmy & Tommy!

Calvin & Hobbes VS Bunsen & Beaker (The Muppet Show) WINNER: Calvin & Hobbes!

Kris & Susie (Deltarune) VS Mercutio & Benvolio (Romeo and Juliet) WINNER: Kris & Susie!

Wirt & Greg (Over the Garden Wall) VS R2-D2 & C-3PO (Star Wars) WINNER: R2-D2 & C-3PO!

Mac McDonald & Charlie Kelly (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia) VS Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde WINNER: Mac & Charlie!

Phoenix Wright & Maya Fey (Ace Attorney) VS John Doe & Arthur Lester (Malevolent) WINNER: Phoenix & Maya!

Legolas Greenleaf & Gimli (Lord of the Rings) VS Jedediah Smith & Gaius Octavius (Night at the Museum) WINNER: Legolas & Gimli!

RECAP

[total-drama-takes-takes-2]

celebrity manhunt

Inside a small studio, a large desk wraps around two seats, an orange striped background and TV monitor decorating the set behind them. In one seat, a tight-faced, full-lipped gentleman with stark black hair holds a bouquet of cue cards. Next to him, a tight-faced redhead in a blue dress is holding a clearly empty mug. 

“It’s a beautiful night here in Toronto, perfect temperature for the TV event of the season- that’s right, everyone- it’s time for the Gemmy’s!” 

The gentleman fixes his bowtie. “We’re reporting live, just a block away from the action- it’s your faves, Josh-”

“And Blaineley!” the ginger cuts in. “Welcome to a very special episode of Celebrity Manhunt! Tonight is the night, folks- it’s time for gossip, cheer, and chatter about this year’s nominees!”

“Who will be taking home the gold? Stay tuned to find out!”

“Josh, that was my line,” Blaineley hisses. He rolls his eyes. 

“In only half an hour, our field reporters will be walking the red carpet with this season’s celebrity stars- until then, let’s catch up with the juiciest gossip from the past year,” Josh grins. “With a special focus on our personal faves, and the audience choice’s- the Total Takes Island cast!”

“Those teens braved it all on the newly-resurfaced Wawanakwa island, competing in death-defying challenges and looking fly while doing it!” Blaineley squeals. “Just to come back for another season of screams, screams, and crazy teens on the set of Total Takes Action!”

“Those are some brave contract holders, especially after watching what happened to the other casts,” John winks. “And like our blasts from the past, these teens have scored a nomination in the category for Best Reality Ensemble.”

“Let’s cross our fingers for them this time, Josh,” Blaineley chuckles. Her smile seems forced. “But before then, let’s catch our audience up to speed with everything that’s happened since Total Takes Action closed its doors- or should I say, gates?”

"Sure thing, Blain- from breakups to makeups to arrest records and more, our stars have had a lot going on for them!" Josh grins. "O has been living the high life back home, but not before starting an advocacy group for those who were negatively affected by the psychiatric healthcare system. Peter was spotted giving a promise ring to his girlfriend, Lois- still going strong! And Kitty's been banned from at least eight national parks in the United States so far,"

"Speaking of spectacles, let’s talk about Alistair’s award-winning performance as Disco Horatio in the viral Broadway musical 70’s Hamlet, a pop-infused retelling of the classic play,”

“Alistair’s performance was so good that he even found himself a brand new fanbase of Hamlet-crazed fangirls- some of which have been taking things a little too far,”

An image of Alistair’s character in a Miku binder fixes itself on screen. It's been autographed.

“Yikes- but hey, if he's owning it, then more power to him! Next up, we're talking about the pop sensation band that’s been on everyone’s minds- that’s right, guys, we’re talking the Takes Three trio!”

Blaineley grins as a sequence of images of McLovin, Sha-Mod, and Joner starts overlaying the screen. “Our Total Takes faves shocked the world when they released their first album, Boi Tearz, to widespread critical acclaim,”

“The rap-swing-darkwave fusion has been called “surprisingly tolerable” by critics, leading the Takes Three to their own claim to fame outside of reality TV. Make sure to stay tuned, because we'll have them right here after the break!”

---

The Celebrity Manhunt logo flashes across screen and then fades as the studio comes into focus. McLovin, Sha-Mod, and Joner are all sitting beside each other at the end of the table, wearing matching outfits.

"Takes Three- you've been called international pop sensations by at least six Twitter users. How do you respond?"

"We're just grateful for our fans," Joner says, shrugging. "Making music for the world to enjoy is a rite of passage where I'm from."

Blaineley blinks. "The Midwest?"

"Yeah, it's been crazy. We've been signing all kinds of notepads!" Sha-Mod nods. "Big ones, little ones, ones shaped like circles..."

"I didn't even know you could make circle paper," McLovin shakes his head. "Our tour has been world-changing."

"Eye-opening," Sha-Mod agrees. "And to thank you for inviting us on the show, we wrote a song for you. Ready, guys?"

All three reach under their chairs and pull out three sets of bongos. They look between each other.

"I though I was bringing the bongos," McLovin says.

"No, you were bringing the synthesizer. I was bringing the bongos!" Joner responds.

"I thought you were taking the triangle!"

Blaineley and Josh look at each other, then back to the trio.

“So, boys, how has skyrocketing to commercial and financial success affected your bonds on a scale from “a lot” to “IMPOSSIBLE to ignore!”?” Blaineley asks, grinning widely. The three stop bickering and immediately turn to her.

“You know, we’re actually closer than ever,” McLovin states, matter-of-factly. “Our music is a really hands-on creative process.”

“Yeah, can’t have rap-swing-darkwave without the swing!” Sha-Mod smiles, setting down the bongos. "Or the rap- or the darkwave!"

Joner nods. “It's been chill. Our new album-”

“BORING!” Blaineley shouts, pulling a lever behind her. The floor under the three musicians disappears and they scream as they disappear. "All I heard there was "blah blah blah" let's get to the real juicy gossip, shall we? It looks like it’s finally splitsville for Patjulia.”

Josh chuckles. “Oh, yes, after months of vicious dating, our sources indicate that those villains-to-be have finally called it quits- and publicly, at that. Our undercover reporters came across this juicy little tidbit. Roll the tape!”

---

The monitor fizzles to life and focuses on the inside of a restaurant that looks like a tornado went through it. A chair flies across the screen and the camera whirls around to one side of the room, where Julia is screaming and throwing furniture. 

“I should’ve NEVER even TALKED to you!”

The camera pans around to the other side of the room, where Patrick throws a handful of spaghetti back. “You should be HONORED I gave you the time of the day!”

“Your hair looks like a dead rat got glued to your head!”

“That’s rich, coming from a fake blonde!”

“IT’S NOT FAKE! We are so over!”

“You’re not breaking up with me! I’m breaking up with you!”

Julia throws a table and it sends Patrick flying across the room and straight out the back wall, creating a him-shaped hole in the plaster. He screams one final "YAHHH OH HOO HOOEY!!" as he goes flying.

---

“Yikes,” Josh chuckles. “That’s gonna leave a mark!”

“Where’s Scruffy during all this, you may ask? Well, they’re busy interning for Sierra of Reality, Weekly!” Blaineley announces. 

An image of Scruffy wearing a pair of sunglasses and an earpiece, walking beside a woman with dark brown hair in her 30s flashes across the screen. 

"What an upgrade from Total Takes, wouldn't you say?"

"Oh absolutely- especially after Wawanakwagate,"

Blaineley nods. "But, speaking of relationships- Bonsar- to date or not to date?”

Josh grins. “That IS the question! The two best friends were seen holding hands downtown, sending fans WILD! In a recent press statement, Caesar did little to calm the masses,”

---

The monitor changes scenes to a press conference. Standing before a crowd of reporters and microphones, Caesar adjusts his bow tie and clears his throat while Bonnie is sitting on the stage, playing on their Switch. 

“I just want to restate that Bonnie and I are under no obligation to explain anything to the press,”

A reporter waves his hand. “So are you dating or not?”

Caesar smacks his forehead.

---

"Looks like trouble in paradise to me, Blain!"

"You said it, Josh! You know who's been sailing on smooth seas lately, though? Maxchela!"

"OMG, totally! Fans are still swooning over Max and Michela after they were named Reality couple of the year by Reality, Weekly,"

“Unfortunately, we here at Celebrity Manhunt were unable to reach the two for comment. Luckily, our star reporter under the pseudonym “Noco”, was able to get the inside scoop!” Blaineley smiles.

The camera pans over to Noco, who’s half-shadowed to protect his identity. He clears his throat. “I just want to say, first of all, that my findings have reliable and true evidence behind them,” 

He stands and pulls a poster down behind him- revealing a screen covered in images of Max and Julia with strings between them. “Let’s say, hypothetically, that Maxchela was staged,”

The light above him suddenly flickers on. He sighs.

“OOOKAY THEN!” Blaineley says, redirecting the camera back over to her. “More on that later! In the meantime, we have a very special guest joining us today- one you Canadian viewers at home might recognize right away as the household name of the month!"

Josh grins. “When Chris McLean’s arrest became an international media sensation, sparking thousands of internet “memes” after his mugshot went viral, there was one name to take the claim to fame,”

“Toronto Environmental Coalition’s own leader, Albert, led an independent investigation of Wawanakwa after former contestant Scary came forward with a case- but it was him who found evidence of illegal radioactive materials on the island,” Blaineley continues, images of the investigation flashing across the screen. "The case brought international attention to the Coalition, and to Albert himself."

“The scandal broke the Wawanakwa mystery wide open. Here with us today is Canada's sweetheart, Albert,”

The camera zooms out and reveals a third person at the table. Albert- a teenage boy with dark brown hair, wearing a gray windbreaker- adjusts his lav mic and then smiles awkwardly. 

“So, Albert- since your case went viral, you’ve been called a top-notch advocate, a genius, even a national hero. How does it feel to be getting all this attention?”

He thinks for a moment. “Um… well, I suppose at the end of the day the only thing that matters is the coalition, and the attention has drawn in a lot of donations!”

“Yeah, whatever,” Blaineley chuckles. “You’re the star of an international scandal- you’re a hero! How does it feel?”

“Uh… fine. I guess. What I’d really prefer talking about is the monthly agenda for the TEC, we’re planning on hosting a protest at a meat processing plant in-”

Josh clears his throat. “Our sources indicate that you and Scary were an item at one point. Is this true?”

Albert goes pale. “I- um, no comment, thank you,” he then leans in to whisper. “I thought we were going to be talking about the coalition.” 

“On this show? No chance!” Blaineley shouts, startling him and sending him flying backwards. “Celebrity Manhunt is about the drama, drama, drama!”

Albert cringes. “Is there anything else we can talk about, then?”

"We can talk about the juicy, juicy drama happening on the red carpet right now," Blaineley chuckles. "Looks like the first of the cast has arrived to the Poultry Pals sponsored Gemmy's!"

Albert holds up a finger. "Um- what was that last part? The sponsor?"

Josh leans in, his palm against his face. He whispers. "Since ratings have gone down, award shows have corporate sponsors now. Turns out the meat industry is bananas for awards!"

"That's- that's the business I'm supposed to be protesting," Albert stands. "I have to go!"

He runs out of the room, and Blaineley rolls her eyes. "Guess we know why Chris McLean was acquitted and found innocent, huh?"

Josh chuckles. "That we do, Blain. That we do. But let's talk about these red carpet looks, cause honey these contestants are serving!"

---

The red carpet outside the Gemmy's is surrounded by shouting fans and photographers. O waves as he walks inside the building, followed shortly by Alistair, then McLovin, both so preoccupied with waving to the crowd that they crash into each other.

Another limo pulls up on the scene and Peter steps out with a short ginger. She shows off her promise ring to the paparazzi and giggles.

Peter and Alistair fistbump as they reach the door.

"Aw, how sweet. Friends forever!" Blaineley's voice overlays the scene.

"It's nice to see those teens getting along," Josh adds. "Ope- and there's Scary, just released from the lead prison she was stuck in from radioactivity!"

Scary arrives next, her hair dyed a warm honey brown. She makes a show of coughing and wheezing as he exits his limo in a wheelchair, then rolls up the carpet.

"My, my, aren't they looking just proper?" Blaineley tsks. "I love that shade of brown on her!"

A photographer gets too close with his camera and Scary stands, beating him over the head with her wheelchair, before sitting back down in it and rolling indoors.

"What a stellar start to the most anticipated award season EV-AR!" Josh squeals. "Let's check in with Noco on the field."

---

“Reporting live from… wherever I am,” Noco says, squinting. He’s holding a microphone and looking around, slightly annoyed. The cast looks relatively tame, most just merrily chatting with each other. “Here's, uh, I don't know. Austin or whatever. Hey, Austin, you and Kelly get back together?"

"No, baby, I've been single and free! To hell with monogamy!" Austin shouts, flipping on a pair on sunglasses, tearing off his shirt and running off screaming.

Noco stares into the camera. “Now can I do my Maxulia bit?”

“Um. No,” Blaineley says, still in the studio. “What is UP with these drama-less hacks?! Someone get Ass and Courtney here, pronto!”

Noco rolls his eyes and walks down the carpet, approaching Courtney, who’s catching up with Bonnie. “Comment?” Noco asks. 

“Hm?” Courtney turns, then blinks. “Um, comment on what?”

“Ass,”

“Ugh. None, thank you!”

“I heard that!” Ass shouts from across the carpet. Courtney rolls their eyes. 

Staci and Mal walk down the carpet next to each other, arguing about welding. Noco sighs. “Now can I-”

“NO!” Blaineley and Josh yell in unison. 

Michela, walking alongside Max, stops suddenly and puts her hands on her hips. “Does this venue feel a little empty to anyone else?”

The camera zooms out- the group is on a carpet, but there's no reporters, no photographers, no fans to be seen.

“No, I see what you mean. I was thinking there’d be more… I don’t know, people,” Max says, then sighs.

“Did we get the right address?” Scruffy asks. “I mean, we’re all here, so we got sent the same e-vite, right?”

Mal pulls out her phone and reads intently. “Yep. This is the place,”

Another limo pulls up and Julia and Patrick stumble out, shouting at each other and having a slap-fight.

Joner and Sha-Mod look between each other. "Hey," the latter says. "Did we lose McLovin?"

Kelly walks up to the two and puts their hand right above their eyes, shielding their vision from the fluorescent lighting. "I don't see him,"

"Who else are we missing?" Michela asks. But before anyone can do a head count, a voice rings out from the distance.

"WAIT! WAIT! DON'T GO IN YET!" it shouts. The crowd turns in the direction it's coming from and Albert runs up, then collapses on the carpet, wheezing. "Don't go in..." he coughs. "Protest..."

"What's this supposed to be?" Ass asks, putting their hands on their hips.

Albert takes a moment to compose himself, then stands. He dusts off his windbreaker and pants, then pulls a small card out of his pocket. It reads "TEC Charter: LEADER".

"My name is Albert, and I am condemning this award show on behalf of the Toronto Environmental Coalition!"

"What award show, Einstein?" Ass snaps. "There's nothing out here!"

Albert looks around. Nothing but crickets. "Oh,"

Bonnie sighs and walks past him, approaching the doors of the supposed venue. “Let me guess-” they open one and the entire front of the building collapses. "Yep. Thought as much," 

“It’s CARDBOARD?!” Caesar shouts. “My hair took FOUR HOURS to do!”

“This has got to be some kind of Chris thing,” Staci says, crossing her arms. “Maybe it’s a scavenger hunt.”

“Oh, no, no way. I am not playing these little games again,” Ass says. “I’m going home.”

“Hey, everyone, we're still missing people,” Kelly says. 

Austin pops out of nowhere. “Yeah, baby, where’s the rest of the party at?”

Courtney does a quick headcount, then thinks for a moment. "I don't see O, Scary, Kitty, McLovin, Alistair, or Peter,"

"Kitty's in an Australian prison," Patrick says nonchalantly. Everyone turns to him. "What?"

"Never mind that. We need to figure out what's going on," Michela says, hands on her hips again.

Mal chuckles from across the carpet. "Guys, you should see this,"

The crowd hesitantly approaches her, peering over her shoulder to see a live broadcast of the Gemmy's on her phone.

"And the award for Best Reality Ensemble goes to... the teens of Total Takes!" the announcer shouts.

Peter, O, McLovin, and Alistair look nervously around their seats, as if trying to catch a glimpse of where everyone else disappeared to.

"Oh, crap," Julia sighs. "We got sent the wrong damn address."

"Are you guys watching the Gemmy's?" a voice from ahead pipes up. The crowd diverts their attention from Mal's phone to see a scrawny boy standing on the street in front of them, drinking a slurpee loudly. "Cause it's a total hack. It's rigged by the woke police."

"Who are you?" Ass asks, crossing their arms.

"I'm Phillip, but you can call me Alejandro," he says confidently. "I was just out training, to fight SJWs. You know how it is."

He does a few karate punches. No one seems very impressed.

"Do you know where the Gemmy's are?" Courtney chimes in.

"Oh, yeah. They're way across town. They're wrapping up soon, anyway, you shouldn't bother with them. Everything comes to an end, after all,"

"Ooookay," Michela says. Max rolls his eyes.

"Do you guys ever think about how red slurpees make your mouth look like you've been drinking blood... heh... just me, then... I have a twisted mind,"

"Am I dead?" Ass turns to Courtney. "Did I die and go to hell?"

"Enough whining. I'm going home," Bonnie snaps.

"NOT so fast!" A voice shouts. The sound of a helicopter hanging overhead makes everyone jump and turn skywards. Chris McLean pilots the aircraft, making a smooth landing in front of the teens (but not before sending Phillip and Austin flying in the wind).

The disgraced host steps out of his helicopter, grinning. "You teens have a contract to uphold!"

"What is going on?" Caesar demands. "This wasn't in my contract!"

"Oh, right. You're "exempt" because of your "lawsuit"," Chris air quotes, rolling his eyes. "Bonnie, on the other hand..."

Caesar pales. Bonnie chimes in. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about a brand-spanking-new season of Total Takes- that's right- we're doing TOTAL TAKES: WORLD TOUR!"

No one makes any noise besides Scruffy, who squeals in delight.

"Thank you. Glad to see someone's excited,"

"Okay, let me get this straight," Julia starts. "You lie to us about the Gemmy's location, drag us to the middle of nowhere in Toronto, make us hang out with these freaks-" she gestures to Albert and Phillip. "And Now you're saying we have to do ANOTHER SEASON?"

"Man, you guys need better lawyers," Chris chuckles. "You have a long, long few weeks coming for ya."

The teens look between each other nervously.

"And not only you- as your contract dictates, any and all at the time of casting are required to join- that means you," Chris points to Albert. "And you," he points to Phillip, plastered against a nearby wall.

"You cannot be serious," Ass says. "I want to talk to your lawyers!"

"No can do, buddy. This is set in stone. See you all soon!"

He chuckles as he gets back into his helicopter and starts off, leaving the cast abandoned. They look at each other one last time before the screen fades to black.