#dirtybomb fanfiction

[dirtybombfics]

Operation Kira

For our next submission, we have an entry by a Dirty Bomber who wishes to remain anonymous for the time being. Please prepare your eyes for another installment of DBFics, “Operation Kira.”

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“God, I hate Mondays. You have just got in the mood for the weekend and BANG, back to work you go. At least, it’s a work I like, but GOD DAMNIT, the weekend is still the weekend!”

Those were the thoughts of Fragger, light machine gunner and grenadier working under the Central Disaster Authority as a mercenary soldier, on his way to a briefing in a cold London’s monday morning.

“I wonder, are the other guys already there? The briefing begins when everyone’s in anyway. Or like Skyhammer would say: 'Party doesn’t start ‘till I walk in!' Funny guy, that Skyhammer, we go along nicely. I should teach him some proper door breaching, when we are out of here.”

As he imagined, the rest of the team was already outside of the room, small talking. He nodded his head to greet everyone, and the group entered the briefing room. As usual it was empty, aside from a desk with a screen and a webcam. The moment all the people sat down, the lights turned off, and a recorded message played on the screen.

-Good day, mercenaries. Today’s mission is important not only for the CDA, but for the entire world as well, so no failure will be tolerated.

The CDA logo disappeared and was replaced by the picture and the information about a blue-haired woman.

-In the past we successfully recovered the controller of an orbital laser stored in an abandoned military Underground carriage, too bad the woman who got it had the brilliant idea to steal it and start to work under The Jackal, her name is Kira, some of you have worked with her.

On the screen the picture of a dockyard appeared, and the voice continued.

-Our intelligence tells that at 1000 they are going to guard a ship as it unloads containers with content unknown. This is the right moment to go in and reclaim that controller. The content of the load doesn’t not bother us, it might be full of rubbish as far as we are concerned, but it’s of major importance to have that controller back! A chopper will extract you in the usual place at 0900, good luck.

In the outfitting room, the conversation about the mission went on.

-Kira, huh? You worked with her, right?- asked Fragger to Skyhammer.

-Yes, a good teammate, but nothing special until she got that laser thing. But believe me, she knows her stuff, microelectronics and shite like that.

-And she’s good looking too.

-Don’t tell me you want her to teach you about transistors while she whips your arse and says you’ve been a naughty soldier!

Fragger laughed.

-Quite the opposite.. If you know what I mean!

-You really are a naughty soldier then!

The voice of Fletcher, Nigerian mercenary and self-proclaimed field officer broke the banter:

-Team, come over here, let’s see a strategy.

The group joined around a table, with a military map representing what seemed to be a pier of London’s industrial port.

-The area is full of containers, we can take advantage of them to surrond and make a surprise attack, under the crossfire they won’t last long. We just must deploy a bit more distant than usual, and it will be a cakewalk.

Arty, the other fire support soldier inquired:

-They surely expect us, the defenses will be to the top.

-The defenses were to the top also when I blew up that oil refinery in Qatar, but strangely I’m still here. We will split as soon as we enter the container area, and then we will position in these places: - he then started pointing various locations on the map.

-As you can see, they will be completely surrounded. Now let’s move, time is money.

On the helicopter, Fragger pulled out of his pocket a flask and sipped a bit of it.

-Is that whiskey?- Asked Skyhammer -First off, you give me a sip of it too, then don’t drink too much of it, or you will think we are The Jackal’s guys!

-No alcohol on the job!- Arty stood up and tried to grab the flask, but wasn’t quick enough and Fragger put it back in the coat.

-HAH, you guys! First off, I need whiskey to wake up in the morning, and always remember I was the best drunk sharpshooter of my fireteam back when I was in the army!

-What do you mean?

-Drunk sharpshooting? You drink a full flask of whiskey, then you do a full magazine in the three hundreds meters range. If you hit the target with at least half of the shots, you made it! Actually, one of my fellow soldiers landed almost all the bullets, too bad they were on the targets in the adjacent lanes. We must do it someday too!

Fletcher interrupted:

-Cut the chatter, we have arrived. Let’s split, we will attack at 10 and 15, synchronize on my mark. Mark. Now let’s go.

The group quickly entered the container area, and soon they were split.

“This container maze is huge. Can’t see past a few meters, what tells me someone is going to jump behind the corner and pin me down? Just keep your cool, Skyham, last time you lost your mind you almost airstriked the entire team. Just reach the position and open fire when the watch beeps, regular everyday buisness.”

A sudden buzzing broke Skyhammer’s thought flow. He flattened on a container and peeked over the corner. An automatic turret was standing on the way, ready to lock on at the first detected movement. Skyhammer quickly hid the head, and whispered on the radio:

-Guys, there’s an automatic turret blocking my path, can’t go on.

In that moment a loud hooter announced the cargo ship had arrived.

-Carpe Diem! - Mumbled the mercenary as he jumped out of the corner and shot a bullet.

Skyhammer’s assault rifle was covered by the hooter, and the bullet safely landed on the turret’s motion sensor.

-No more turret issues, and I’m sure none of the enemy heard me shooting, going on as usual.

In the meantime, Arty was ready on the roof of the docking area’s building, and was reporting in to the rest of the team.

-I have a view on them. I see the mission objective, that Texan engineer, a woman with a grenade launcher, and what seems to be a man wearing a poncho, he just walked out of sight. The crane is unloading some containers. I see some proximity mines on the ground, be careful when navigating the area. Over.

Now, it was all a matter of waiting. Every CDA operative was waiting for the beep to begin the attack, each one picking a target easy to dispatch from their position. But they didn’t consider that The Jackal was not an unprepared man.

In a nearby building, a woman was spying on the situation and updating The Jackal’s men minute by minute.

-They are taking position behind the containers, one of them entered the docking area, I guess he will spy on you, just pretend nothing is happening. Bush, your turret was hit. Can you hear me? Goddamn hooter. I don’t know when they will attack, just wait for it and be prepared.

Five and more minutes passed, every man on the field was as nervous as ever. Then, the silence was broken by a beep.

“Party starts here!” thought Skyhammer as he jumped in the open and aimed the gun for the perfect shot. But he wasn’t quick enough, Bushwhacker readily moved behind cover.

A similar situation was happening to the other mercenaries. Not a single shot landed on the enemy, and they all fell back to safe positions

-Shit!- yelled Fletcher over the radio -They spotted us! Who is the imbecille that blew the cover?

-I don’t care, let’s get that shit back and fly back home!- replied Fragger, while throwing a grenade as a signal for the enemy Rhino to back off.

The explosion’s impact pushed Rhino to the ground, that was quickly knocked out by Fragger.

Bushwhacker was chewing his cigar, trying to figure out Skyhammer’s next move. “The first thing”, he thought, “Is to fall back, let him come to me, and I might find someone else too.”

Skyhammer, a dozen of meters away, was pondering the same.

“If I were that ugly face, what would I do? Of course, falling back and find some ugly faces to ask help to! Time for a little chase!”.

Fletcher, blocked behind a container under the crossfire of Phoenix and Proxy took the sticky bombs out of the belt, and looked at them. Were three enough to do the trick? He had gone through worse, and dying is not as bad as it sounds. In that exact moment, a machine gun burst announced the arrival of Fragger. The enemies backed off, and a container to container firefight ensued.

Kira was hidden near the control panel of the shipyard crane, in case someone wanted to do funny stuff with it, and saw Bushwhacker sprinting towards her. She shot a few bursts towards the figure that was seemingly chasing him, and Bushwhacker made a final dash behind cover.

-Thank goodness I found you, Kira. We need to flush out that son of a bitch from behind the cover, think your laser can do it?

-I can try, just give me a few seconds.

That laser had always done wonders, nothing had a chance against it, and its power was just a few seconds away. All you had to do was to acquire the coordinates of the user and point the designator, wait and..

-Damnit! It doesn’t work!

-What the hell do you mean doesn’t work!

-It can’t find the signal, they must have satellite jammers around here.

-”Around here” is a big place, don’t you say?

-Yes! The docking area! The Guardian Angel said someone entered the docking area, they must have placed the jammer on the roof.

-Makes sense. But we can’t leave the crane controls on their own.

-Nader, are you free?- Asked Kira in the radio -We need to check the docking area, they must have placed a satellite jammer up there.

-Ya, I will wait for you there.

-See you, Bush.

Kira shot a few more burst to dissuade Skyhammer from leaving the cover and sprinted away.

“Satellite jammers? This is new, I didn’t even know something like that existed. Not like my grenade launcher would be damaged in any way. Kira sounded worried, must be something serious.”

Nader took cover near the docking area, and was soon joined by Kira.

-What are we exactly dealing with?

-A satellite jammer, when it recognizes nearby satellite communications it sends signals that completely scramble the communication; its making my laser useless. There should be someone up there, too.

-Let me handle this.

Nader fired some grenades on the roof, and Arty backed off before they could detonate. He then blindly fired some shots from behind his new cover, hoping to hit something.

-What I told you? -said Nader, reloading the grenade launcher -Now it’s only a matter of hitting the soft spot. Let’s try again.

Meanwhile Arty was thinking how to sort out the situation. He was too exposed, and with grenades he couldn’t stand a chance. Suddently, an idea. It was risky, but it was the only one.

Near the entrance, Nader was ready to hit again.

-Now look at this, a textbook shot!

When the grenades detonated, a broken helmet landed near Kira’s feet.

-See, textbook shot! I think you can handle it on your own, now.

-Yes, go and help Bushwhacker. I’ll contact you in case of need.

-Ya, take care.

Kira entered the containers’docking area, and headed for the stairs to the roof. The building was silent, and she could hear the firefights taking place outside. The stairs were in a dangerous spot, someone could be hidden behind the corner. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to let Nader go back. It was all or nothing. Kira started walking cautiosly, describing a wide corner so that she could spot the enemy before the enemy could do the opposite. Suddently, a loud clang' Kira turned to the direction of the sound was coming from and found herself with a gun barrel planted in the back.

-Listen very carefully, I have a family and I think so do you. We are here for the laser controller, nothing more. Give it to me and I won’t hurt you.

Since Kira didn’t move, he took out a knife and threateningly approached it to the woman’s throat.

-I tell it again. Give me the laser controller, or I slit your throat.

There was no way out. Kira took out the laser controller and gave it to the man.

-Thank you.

And it was darkness.

Arty carefully laid the unconcious Kira on the ground, picked the pistol he threw to distract her, and communicated over the radio:

-I got the controller, meet you at the extraction point.

“Allright!” thought Skyhammer, “It’s show time!”

-Airstrike incoming!- he yelled from the top of his lungs while throwing the marker and quickly retiring.

In the meantime Fletcher used his sticky bombs as a decoy for him and Fragger to fall back, and soon al the CDA mercenaries left  the containers area.

-Arty, where is your helmet?- asked Fragger once the CDA men boarded the extraction helicopter.

-I gave it to a man that was minding his business.

-Ok, ok, no need to get angry. How did you get it anyway?

-Asking politely.

-You really aren’t a chatty person, aren’t ya?

-Time is money. Less talk, more action.

When Kira gained consciousness Phoenix, the Spanish medic, was bent over her.

-Are you ok?

-I have a terrible headache, I can’t think from the pain..

-Let me check. Yes, you have a big bump on the back of the head. You must have been knocked out by the butt of a gun. ¿Lo es? Aside from that are you ok?

-They stole my laser controller, just it.

-Ok, the rest of the team is ok. Rhino got some grenade shrapnels up his face, he will be fresh in a few days, Bushwhacker got his shoulder dislocated when being pushed away by an explosion, I took care of it on the spot, and my nanoparticles do wonders. Let’s go back and report in.

Over to the CDA base, Fletcher carefully put the orbital laser controller inside a briefcase, before handing it to a armored truck’s crew.

-There we go, safe and sound. We will send the report tomorrow at midday.

-Is the connection ready, Proxy?

-Ready in 10.

On the screen the dim-lit face of The Jackal appeared. Little was known about him, many discordant voices stated the most insane things about him. Some stated he was either a US scientist living in Brazil or an eccentric billionaire trying to profit from the Dirty Bomb aftermath. Some voices even theorized he was the man behind the Dirty Bomb itself, but it wasn’t Phoenix’s concerns, he was there for the money.

-Glad to see you are still alive, Phoenix. You are worth my money. Go ahead and report.

-Mission accomplished, the containers were successfully unloaded. We got attacked by soldiers probably sent by the CDA. No casualties, three wounded.

It was useless to thank The Jackal, informalities of this kind only angered him.

-Satisfactory. James was right about the CDA moves then. Other statements?

-Apparently the CDA men were to the docks not for the containers, but for Kira’s orbital laser controller. They successfully stole it, its destination is unknown.

-Let me talk to her.

Kira was nervous, and for obvious reasons. Among all the theories, The Jackal was well known for his mercilessness with people that weren’t up to the standards he expected. She sat in front of the screen, dead inside and expecting the worst.

-Kira, Kira.. Messed up big time, didn’t you? That orbital laser was worth a lot of money.

-Go straight to the point, Jackal. Am I just fired or executed on the spot?

The usually serious face of The Jackal was crossed by a snarky, almost cruel smile.

-What tells you, you had a working controller?

[dirtybombfics]

Phantom & Proxy's Perilous Pizza Panache

-Part Finale-

“…phah, I could have fixed her myself, but it’s boring without company,” Phoenix said, skipping ahead of the group with his hands on his helmet. He pulled it off, shaking free his unkempt red hair.

“Funny, last I heard you lost a leg that way,” Aura said, fiddling with her healing station as they moved along, “And for the record, if you had lost control of those nanobots for two seconds more-”

“Children, please. Please do not remind me how you almost turned my face into… into a Picasso.” Sparks said, grinding her teeth. Her jaw still ached from the intensive surgery she underwent, as did… well, everything else in her body. “I feel as if you idiots defibrillated my agonizing corpse several times while trying to save me.”

“Just don’t ask where your new organs came from,” Sawbonez said, catching up. He removed his do-rag and aired it out, “The previous owner didn’t exactly consent to his donation.”

“Yes, yes, I read your file, big scandal,” she replied, huffing. As if I haven’t stolen everything else, she thought. "Now let's get back to the base before Skyhammer calls another airstrike on it, 'by mistake.'"

Dusk followed quickly in the medics' wake, the London sun half way beneath the horizon, its red hue illuminating a guard tower part in shadow, and part without. A red light beamed from somewhere within it.

"It's us, Red Eye," Sparks said, calling up.

"Ack, thought it was you sheila's," the Australian called back down. Sparks scowled.

"Where are the rest of the barracks?" she replied as the medics crossed the checkpoint.

"Most of 'em waiting in the mess hall- five of 'em bringing back some goodies after an op."

Five of- Sparks thought, stopping in her tracks. The other medics continued on their way, bellies rumbling. "... Red Eye, who's out on a mission?"

"Last I heard, Phantom picked up Proxy, Vassili, Fragger and Kira," Red Eye said, leaning on the edge of the watch tower. "Why?"

A cold chill took over Sparks' spine. "You let the most mentally unhinged of us lead some of our best mercenaries on a mission!?" she yelled, her eyes bulging.

Red Eye shrugged. "Thought it was a good idea at the time."

"You imbecile!" Sparks said, sprinting in the direction of the HQ. She had just made it to the communications tent when she noticed that the helipad was clear.

"Skyhammer," she said, exasperated, "For the love of god, I hope you're sober enough to recall those idiots." The Scotsman turned, his face a deep shade of red from that afternoon's drinking.

"Aye, Sporks. Back so soon eh? They should be back anytime- oh, there they are-" he said, as a strong gush of wind hit the tent and the landing pad. Above, a black chopper descended slowly, unhooking its contents barely five feet from the ground. The enormous red shipping container had the mascot of a chicken wearing shades emblazoned on the side, with the same marking on the entrance.

As the container came to a rest on the helipad, the opening suddenly burst forth, with Phantom leading the way, mask covered by a dozen frozen pies.

"Whooooo wants some TOTALLY AWESOME PIZZA!?"

<---To Be Continued (Ending theme: Roundabout)

--

Based on an idea put forth by Important Chicken Business, based on a random Phantom taunt.

Written with love and lots of gunfood by Mischievous Mac.

Thanks to the Dirty Bomb Discord Community for the idea and support throughout the writing process.

The Unclean Explosive fanfic universe will return...

[dirtybombfics]

A small part of a fanfiction by Bird Simulator.

Thanks for the submission!

[dirtybombfics]

Phantom & Proxy’s Perilous Pizza Panache

-Part 4-

"Identify yourself!" the soldier rasped through his muffled respirator, tapping Proxy on the back of her head with the tip of his rifle, hard. She didn't move, stuck in an uncomfortable crouching position with her shotgun pointed downward.

For fuck's sake Phantom, Proxy thought, beads of sweat trailing down her forehead and into her eyes, This is why no one takes you seriously. At all. She listened intently for the telltale sound of his shimmering invisibility cloak, but there was little else but the sound of gunfire and explosions in the distance.

I can probably knock the barrel away, all action movie like, She thought, feeling the cool metal of the barrel press deeper and more annoyingly into her skull than she preferred. Bust his kneecaps, finish him off with a cricket bat to the- she paused her train of thought, watching as three more mooks emerged from behind the building, looking harried.

"Squad Three, where've you been?" the man behind her spoke, "I caught this one sneaking around!"

"We're regrouping with the rest of the battalion," one of the soldiers called out, checking their ammunition, "Something about pineapples."

Proxy's hands trembled as she prepared to bolt. It's been... fifteen seconds, she thought, spying a glance at the C4 barely a meter away from her. Now or nev-

"Hey, do you guys hear something?" one of the soldiers spoke up, approaching the beeping C4 charge. He stared at it intently, as if legitimately confused. Proxy screamed internally as her window of opportunity shortened, when the ground shuddered with a violent blast- an ungodly stream of blue light erupted from the sky, striking a building not too far away.

Proxy lunged to her right, twisting around with her shotgun and firing it in her captor's general direction, the buck catching him in the ankles. He fell to the ground screaming as the other soldiers, momentarily distracted by the orbital laser, turned to fire in her direction- just as the C4 charge exploded, vaporizing the ignorant mook and covering the rest in shrapnel.

She sprinted past the disabled soldier, reloading her shotgun as she did so and took cover on the other side of the warehouse.

"The objective's destroyed, need backup, please!" she said into her mic. Static replied back. One of the soldiers who missed the worst of the shrapnel peeked around the corner and received a hail of buckshot in his face for the trouble. Proxy drew a large cricket bat from her belt and smashed it repeatedly on the soldier until his helmet caved in and he stopped twitching.

"Kawaii!?" Proxy said into her mic, but no response came. Frustrated, she kicked the side of the warehouse hard, noticing the soldier out of the corner of her one eye too late. He fired a pistol, ripping three slugs through Proxy's belly before she could react.

Going into shock, Proxy dropped the cricket bat to the ground as she sank along the side of the building, leaving a trail of blood as she did so. The soldier moved closer, partially distracted by the indecipherable screaming on his headset when his own chest burst.

"Trick or treat, motherfucker," Phantom said, materializing behind the man. He pulled out his katana and removed the blood with a simple swish. "That line never gets old. Ey Proxy! Whatcha lying down on the job for?" he said as he approached. Proxy gave him a wry grin, too tired to be angry.

"Oh just... you know, painting the town red and all that. Having some... R and R..."

"Where I'm from, that usually consists of playing Call of Duty: Rainbow Warfare and eating pizza, instead of bleeding out painfully," Phantom said, deadpan. "We can still do the second, eh?" 

He sheathed his katana and knelt down, picking up Proxy by the shoulder as she covered her wounds with her free hand. He picked up the cricket bat and stuck it snugly within the woman's belt.

"I'm dying, and our mates probably are, too. I'm allowed at least one dry joke ," she said as they slowly shuffled to the front of the warehouse. As they did, they passed several brutalized corpses, most missing limbs and a few outright decapitated. Phantom whistled an innocent tune.

When they turned the corner, they found Vaseline using his sniper rifle as makeshift walking stick, his drawn hood barely concealing a head injury. Kira held onto Fragger's neck from behind, her damaged legs being supported by the man's arms. The big man barely looked any better- his skin was pale, but when the two mercenaries arrived he did his best to fake a pained smile.

The group of mercenaries looked at each other awkwardly, each thinking of something to say to break the ice, but kept silent. To their side, the ruined door hung motionless, its locks obliterated in the blast.

"Hope this mess was worth it," Proxy said, as Phantom eagerly pushed open the doors... "I feel like I've lost about a dozen years in one afternoon."

"You and me both," Kira said, laying her head on Fragger's. The bulky man said nothing, continuing to stare off into space as he tried to remain stoic. "I think I have a ruptured artery."

"Yeah?" Proxy said, trying to ignore how weak her legs were quickly becoming, "Listen, Kira, I'm sorry I called you out on screwing with Phantom. I was just getting tired of his trolling and I took it out on you." She leaned against the warehouse doors, taking special care to not slip into a sitting position again.

"And I'm sorry for threatening to cut you up like sushi," Kira said, struggling to keep her eyes open, "You know... I was kidding... right?"

"Well, yeah," Proxy said, grinning. "I hoped you were. Only Aimee's that crazy,"

"You are baguette," Kira said, mocking Aimee's French accent, "I will cut you up and use your ribs in a stew!"

Both women laughed, their voices weak as the blood loss intensified. Vassili crumpled against the wall as he lost his balance, and Fragger found his eyes closing rapi-

"Hey! Ladies!" Phantom suddenly yelled from inside, jolting everyone awake, "Look, I love forced melodrama as much as anyone else who writes animu-based slash fics, but are you all still hungry or what?" His hockey mask appeared from behind the security door, gesturing rapidly inside. With some difficulty, the mercenaries slowly piled in as Phantom gestured at something on the other side excitedly. "How about thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!?"

"No fecking way..." Proxy said, squinting her good eye.

[dirtybombfics]

Phantom & Proxy’s Perilous Pizza Panache

-Part 3-

“Where’s the signal!?” Kira yelled over the sound of gunfire as the building groaned from sheer weight of so much lead. The door had been shut just in the nick of time, the hinges connecting the flimsy slab of metal to the old concrete foundations warping with pressure. A section of the concrete blew open followed by bits of rebar, but before a Brownwater agent could take advantage, Fragger lobbed a grenade through it. The explosion rocked the wall further, causing pieces of wood to fall from the ceiling.

“Beats me, I just work here!” Vassili yelled back, drawing his MP400 machine pistol and sticking the barrel through the hole in concrete. He had his back against the metal door, awkwardly firing blindly with the pistol while trying to keep the door shut.

The upper hinges fell out of their sockets, rusted screws split in two by the repeated attacks of the soldiers on the other side. Kira drew a knife and, pulling Vassili out of the way, jammed it between the door handle and a piece of metal.

“We need an exit plan, now!” Vassili cried, as he backed away from the door, drawing his MOA sniper rifle.

“This place is a death trap,” Fragger said, pulling away from the wall as well, reloading his K-121 machine gun, “Is there any way out back?”

Kira moved to the other end of the hall, bits of light rays peaking out through holes in the decrepit roof. She slid a way a piece of rotted wooden planks and spied a look outside, gritting her teeth.

“We can probably shoot our way back here, but…” she said, moving some strands of hair out of her face, “T-there's a fall. Maybe two or three stories.”

“Hell honey, I’m not sure if a short fall is more dangerous than a group of goons with AP rounds…” Fragger said, pulling back the charging handle.

“AP rounds? How do you figure that?” Vassili said, looking over. A telltale trail of blood leaked its way out of Fragger’s mouth- a couple holes burned through the front of his thickly armored jacket. “Oh…”

“It’s just a fleshwound,” Fragger said, smiling. Suddenly, the gunfire stopped. The door, still wedged shut by Kira’s knife, lay still.

The enormous clanking of heavy steel on crushed rock shuddered the ground from the outside in.

“Get behind me, get behind me!” Fragger yelled, moving to the center back of the room as the wall and door caved in entirely, a wave of a dozen brown mooks and their heavy mech-warrior flooding in as it did so. Smoke from the debris curtained the room, obfuscating the soldiers’ vision; a small object, roughly the size of a billiards ball, rolled to their feet.

Two soldiers, one standing behind the other, flew backward violently as a fifty caliber round obliterated the man’s face in front, and over penetrated the one behind him. Some of the soldiers fell to their knees or prone in an attempt to return fire, but soon found their helmets caved in, one gasping for air as a three round burst exited his esophagus.

“Boom, head shot,” Vassili whispered to himself, cocking the bolt back and taking aim again. Fragger laughed as he opened up with his machine gun, choking through the blood as he did so. His companions joined in his excitement, ripping away at the mooks as they attempted to flee.

“We’re still alive,” Fragger said, coughing up a mix of blood and spittle,

“And five of you ain’t! Oh, make that six,” Kira continued for him, catching a soldier in the arm and chest as he tried to escape, “Wait, why do I feel like we’re forgetting something import-”

The towering powered armor’s silhouette appeared faintly in the smoke, two muzzles flaring as its miniguns tore through the support pillars of the building. The mercenaries fell to the ground as the bullets sweeped above them, opening a large hole at the back of the building. A portion of the side wall began to fall inward as it crumpled under the damage. 

“Look out!” Fragger yelled, grabbing Vassili as he tried to roll away from the collapsing wall. In the chaos, neither man could tell which direction they were rolling, and both disappeared off the edge of the building as the wall caved in.

“Fragger?” Kira said weakly, coughing, “Vassili?” She struggled to pull herself out of the wreckage, feeling a sharp pain in her spine and leg. Looking down, she saw a long piece of rebar splitting through her right leg, which itself was twisted in an awkward angle. She lay back, seeing the sky poke through the missing pieces of roof. Her hand brushed against a warm piece of rubber, connected to her small orbital laser designator. She smiled- the device was still in one piece, somehow.

Ahead of her, the distinct sound of two spinning miniguns grew louder as the power armor stepped into view. A distorted voice, like harsh laughter, emanated from where she assumed was the cockpit. It tilted its two miniguns in her direction, red hot from overuse.

“Any-scchh-last words, scrub?” the mech pilot said. Kira slowly wrapped her hand around the laser designator, and its trigger…

“…ight with deadly might…” she whispered.

“Speak up, noob,” the pilot said again, stepping closer, “Before I teabag your corpse until you’re literally a scrub pancake.”

“Worship…” Kira spoke up, voice hoarse, “the pillar…”

“Eh?” The mechpilot tilted his machine downward, trying to make out what Kira was doing. As he scrutinized the woman, he looked up in horror as a series of small red lasers focused on the armored glass above him

“Of Fire,” she said, as a brilliant blast of blue light careened from the heavens, split the clouds in the sky and enveloped the mech in a beautiful, shiny light…

[dirtybombfics]

Phantom & Proxy's Perilous Pizza Panache

-Part 2-

Nestled on the outskirts of the overrun London Dome, sandwiched between crumbling brick buildings and rusted, corrugated metal, sat a building which would have been pristine were it not for the bullet holes and blast markings that peppered its outside walls. The Frigidaire still had food and refugees escaping the dirty bomb attacks when the CDA arrived, but as the infighting intensified, both quickly evacuated the area.

Now, an unfamiliar group of men in brown camouflage sporting over customized rifles stalked around the building, their masks and thick armor transforming their silhouettes into something distinctly less than human. From around a corner, a ten foot tall suit of powered armor loudly clanked its way in front of the building, which had a newly installed modern security door that looked designed to survive rifle fire.

"The hell is this? Did we walk onto the set of a Japanese anime or something?" Vassili said, as the group of mercs crouched behind a slab of corrugated metal hidden barely a block away, "They were not here last night."

"Brownwater Security," Phantom said, looking through a set of binoculars, "Hot shits from the 'States."

"Convenient naming eh?" Proxy chortled.

"Alright, so here's the plan. Three of us are going to assault the scrubs in piss armor from the front, while two of us sneak around them and blow open the door," Phantom said, pulling out a small notebook as he did so. "And one of those sneaky bastards is going to be me. Now who-" he looked up. Proxy shifted uncomfortably to the side, exchanging furtive glances with Kira, whose Stark was already drawn. Fragger whistled to himself, casually playing with one of his grenades while Vassili pretended not to hear any of them.

"Well then," Phantom said, putting away his binoculars, "Proxy, you're with me. Everyone else, wait till I give the signal."

"And that is...?" Kira piped up, checking her rifle's magazine.

"When I yell out one of my trademark catchphrases, a foot or more in some scrub's innards," Phantom said, drawing his katana with a flourish. "Or, y'know, when I say 'go,' but whatever. Do your things kids."

--

With little time wasted on a transition montage of two experienced mercenaries sneaking their way barely a block from their original position to somewhere vaguely near the objective, Phantom and Proxy chilled within a stone's throw away from said objective. "Alright MLG proscoper, light em up," Phantom spoke into his mic.

"One shot, one kill, one- second," Vassili said, pulling out a round object roughly the size of a billiards ball from a coat pocket.  "Gonna throw a sensor over there. Just to be sure, you know." Vassili said,  "Heart beat sensor GOING OUT!" he yelled as he threw the device.

It sailed clear over a hill of rubbish before rolling to a stop, landing smack dab in the middle of the group of the browncoats. The mechsuit tilted at an angle to examine the device, with a few of the soldiers stepping up to look it over. Two of them turned to face the three mercenaries, who stood dumbfounded, Kira covering her mouth in surprise.

"I, er, meant to do that," Vassili said, ducking as Fragger pulled him behind cover. A hail of gunfire erupted in their general direction, ripping apart the foundations beneath them as the construction started to churn with bullet holes. Proxy could hear the sound of cursing and gunfire through Phantom's headset.

"Good god, are they alright over there?" she said, as suddenly a clear line broke through the madness on the other end: "EAT PINEAPPLE!"

Ahead of them, the powered armor, its guns on full auto, clanked loudly away from the warehouse while the smaller mooks followed suit with frightening uniformity. The two mercenaries slowly crept their way forward, reaching the door unmolested. Proxy pulled out a pack of C4 and connected it to her customized phone.

“So, why do you hate each other again?” Phantom piped up, leaning against the wall as Proxy worked. “I don’t hate her, but she’s still has her Hello Kitty panties in a twist over me letting you know who stole your katana," Proxy said, carefully pushing her phone's touch screen in a complicated order.

“So it wasn’t you?”

“For the last bloody time-”

“Ok, ok, ok, I wasn’t that upset about losing the katana. I mean, I will still skewer both of you and roast you over a spit if I ever lost it again, but it wasn’t that bad of an experience, just an annoying one," Phantom said, shrugging.

“And I wish she would understand that instead of driving me up the wall with her passive aggressive ‘I am going to cut you like blue fin tuna in your sleep Lisa, just you wait’ look every time we’re within spitting distance of each other,” Proxy said, mocking Kira's accent. The C4 beeped pleasantly, its digital timer beginning to count down from thirty seconds. She disconnected her phone.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, hey, so uh, Hello Kitty panties right?” Phantom said, drawing his katana. Proxy froze.

“… you so much as breathe a word about me saying that and it’s fecking goodnight for you, you yankee fuck.” Proxy said, unlatching her Hollunds. "Now let's blow this popsicle stand and get out of-" she turned to find Phantom had already gone, his chant of "weewooweewooweewoo" disappearing around a corner.

"Identify yourself!" said a loud, garbled voice. A lightly armored soldier wearing a blacked out facemask stood behind her, assault rifle aimed at her head with lethal purpose. Proxy cursed.

--

[dirtybombfics]

Phantom & Proxy's Perilous Pizza Panache

-Part 1-

"Yo, isn't Sparks supposed to be the squad leader?" Vassili asked as the on duty mercenaries filed into a makeshift war room constructed out of empty cartons of milk and yogurt and a tarp. Phantom had cleared a foldable table of munitions and disarmed explosives and laid a roughly drawn map of the local area on it, which was created with magic marker. The map, in addition to being difficult to read, sported several cigarette burn marks and stains of unknown origin.

"I think she's still stuck in medical, after the EV incident," Fragger said, popping open a flask of whiskey and swigging it. He offered the drink to Vassili who knocked it back gratefully, his hood falling back to reveal a balding scalp. "Uh, you need some rogaine there, buddy?"

"The hell's rogaine?" Vassili sputtered back.

"Better question, how does a turret suddenly pew pew pew over one of our precious medics?" Kira said, her accent lighting up over the "pew" noise in a manner too adorable to describe here. She had a broken ammo station slung over her shoulder, which earlier in the day she tried to use as a shield with little success. Behind her Proxy stumbled in, her leg freshly bandaged. The assembled mercenaries turned to look at her accusingly.

"Oh, everyone's with the undercut these days." She said, exasperated. "I didn't do shit with-"

"Settle down everymerc, otherwise I'll have to EMPHASIZE EVERY WORD in a SELF IMPORTANT MANNER while I describe the operation," Phantom said, his eyes glinting through his painted hockey mask. Behind him he had drawn an overly complicated mess of boxes and arrows that vaguely resembled a football play.

"You mean more than you already do...?" Proxy said, her eye rolling, but Phantom ignored her.

"For too long have we mercenaries been forced to rely on bad tasting food for guns and Skyhammer's questionable taste buds. Tonight, we will dine... on PIZZA! Using this ingenious plan stretched out on the whiteboard behind me, we will-"

"Uh, excuse me, question! Question, otaku-sempai!" Kira said, raising her hand and waving in an overly exaggerated manner. Phantom's vein pulsed.

"What is it, trash waifu?" Phantom replied. Kira scowled for all of a millisecond.

"Where are you going to find pizza just outside London's Dome in a location that's still three fourths covered in radiation?"

Phantom raised a finger to retort, and then quickly brought it back, turning to face his whiteboard. He raised a hand to scratch his chin. Behind him, Proxy facepalmed.

"Er, we could uh, raid the grocer warehouse maybe?" Vassili said, piping up as he rubbed his balding head mournfully.

"A grocer warehouse," Phantom said, turning around, "In our irradiated London?"

"Yeah, it's more likely than you'd think," Vassili said, pointing to the boxes holding up the tent. "Where'd you think I found all that yogurt we had last night?"

"Well, I'm sold," Fragger said, getting up and tapping his armored belly. "When do we head out?"

"Ready your gun food and reload hearty," Phantom said, putting his fingers together menacingly, "For tonight, we dine on-"

"You already used that joke," Proxy said, cutting him off. Instead of glaring, Phantom exited the tent from behind his whiteboard, sulking.

[dirtybombfics]

Phantom & Proxy's Perilous Pizza Panache

~-Prologue-~

Smoke trailed off into the dusty yellow sky as the pillar of flame spread, completely engulfing the CDA tower. Above it, an enormous yellow net, consisting of pulsing shields with the appearance of dozens of interlocking triangle shapes, sputtering faintly. Proxy wiped her brow, removing the welding mask from her head to better survey her handiwork.

The anti-radiation net sputtered in the air momentarily, but didn't seem to dissipate.

This isn't actually working, is it. She thought to herself. She sat on the soot covered ground, suddenly acutely aware of the ridiculous amount of blood she had lost in the mission leading up to destroying the bloody tower. Phoenix's nanites were taking longer to do their job than usual.

The subtle, tell tale sound of something shimmering near her made her instinctively reach for her Deagle, but then she relaxed.

"Feck off, Phantom," she said into thin air. On cue, a body shaped glob of bent light materialized into a tall man in thick, samurai-like body armor with a glorified hockey mask. He had his katana drawn in an exaggerated, over the head swing.

"Well hellooo to you too," he said, sheathing the blade with a laugh. "Who pissed in your crumpets today kiddo?"

"Believe me, I'd tell you what I think of you, but there wouldn't be enough asterisks to print it with in the after action report to the boss," Proxy said, getting up and wincing as her right leg, covered in buckshot holes, protested loudly. "But besides that, look at this mess. All that work and the bloody containment shield's still in one piece, not a single hair out of place."

"I dunno, seemed like a successful op to me," Phantom said, casually cleaning flecks of blood off his katana. "Even made someone piss their pants earlier! Hey, you ever check out those reaction vids of kids playing that, weird furfag game, uh, Three Nights at Teddy's? It's sort of like that, except that I'm a shark on land with a gun, instead of a stuffed animal with a dild-" Phantom trailed off, noticing that his victim had long since moved away. Proxy was nearly inside a warehouse when Phantom called out to her again.

"Hey mine monkey, we're gonna grab pizza! Want any?"

Proxy stopped short in her tracks, turning her one good eye back.

"...what?"

[dirtybombfics]

The Negotiation

Just something I made for testing if I could write anything even remotely interesting. Done ages ago when I learned from somewhere, can’t recall if legit or fanmade theory, that Proxy was involved in Spark’s medical tech somehow.

-Bontsa

——————————————————————-

“Zeventeen.” she said, or rather declared while seemingly nonchalantly sweeping her snow white hair. Under the surface though, a more aware person could see every move this woman did was carefully planned. Cold and calculating as her hair colour implied, she was attempting to grab dominance over the situation with every ounce of her body. This did not go unnoticed by her bargaining adversary. One’s senses grow naturally more reactive in chaotic, survivalist environments like this 20th century London had turned into due dirty bomb attacks a few years backwards.

“And twenty thousand was my latest offer, missy. You can’t imagine the amount of work, filler rod’n’nailpolish was invested on tinkering this armament”, girl, no, another woman in her early 20’s said imbued with such thick accent it was clear as day she had spent her childhood in this now war riddled city. White haired woman continued with her confusing accent. Russian? Eastern European? It was hard to tell, as if she kept changing it on fly even in middle of sentences. These were the passing thoughts about the origins of her partner-in-trade this young woman, sitting opposite of her at the rugged wooden table scrapped from lord knows where, to this abandoned naval warehouse, now used as a temporary base for a band of mercenaries, while most of her focus was on the surroundings and actual bargain that was going on. “Ve agreed on this earlier. I had the produkt, but no time nor ze knowledge to intensify it for more…versatile… form to be used on ze field. And do not lie to me, zis arrangement vas valuable for both of us.” Momentary impression of getting caught could be noticed for a split second on the face of the welder mask wielding Londoner, before she managed to hide it under the same confidence with a spice of restlessness that seemed to be her natural trait: “Oi missy, I sure would’ve figured out life form detecting assets on my explosive arsenal soon enough anyway.” She tried to keep all the cards on her hand, despite knowing the fact this cutting-edge tech this mysterious woman had brought to her workshop a few months ago had indeed helped her with the problem she had had with her own armament. Infantry mines she used to delay and damage unaware opposition, had to be extremely carefully used and documented for her squad mates to avoid…unfortunate…accidents.

Medical tech lying between women on the table somehow distinguished between organic tissue and inorganic substances; heck it even could be set to repair cellular forms consisting of certain DNA and damage all others at will. Getting her hands on such tech had allowed her mines to detect mercenaries she was working with and only unload on any other poor life form that happened to trespass them. Impressive technology indeed. “All in all I av done what you requested, amped the power up so it now burns through flesh’n’tissue whenever user wishes to. Fair to say such feat wouldn’t be achieved on a day, making my demand for, let’s say nineteen thousand, a nice offer towards your side. Speaking of you, where the bloody earth did you steal thi…” Discussion between them was interrupted by quite a many loud noises appearing almost simultaneously. Ones induced by inanimate objects consisted of fighter jet low-gliding above them, followed by sharp whistling sounds of unloaded aerial bombing. Who was responsible of the man-made noises added into the mix was standing at just a moment ago intact doorway.

Despite both women being at the edge of their focus now, that immediate threat was possibly approaching from air, it did not stop them from noticing how the force used to smash poor door open would’ve sent said piece of wooden garment into lunar orbit, let the wall not stop it to its launchpad. Huge man standing tall at above 2 meters in length, covering most of the lower part of his face in a collar, addressed them with a voice that surely wasn’t going to be seconded by kilotons of explosives flying in the air. “AIRSTRIKE CALAMITY INBOUND LADIES! OUT of the CONSTRUCTION, into COVER, DA!“ “I swear Thunder, some day your shouting will shatter my eardrums into millions of lil’ pieces..”