#directing a fight they were not able to finish and are no longer able to wage themselves

[brachylagus-fandom]

I am rotating the concept of supervisors in my mind like a spherical cow

[nemesyaaa]

a long way from the playground // rafe cameron x reader

summary ; when you met rafe on the playground of the school, he was such a crybaby but you were there for him as his most beloved (and unique) friend until that accident which happened in high school.

seven years after that argument, you met him again. and mostly, seven years after, the crybaby that you know became the big boy that everyone knows.

genre ; childhood bestfriends to strangers to lovers (literally my favorite trope of the world), slight of angst, fluff, and smut. he fell first (and alone at first lmfao...)but she fell harder trope. one-shot.

warnings ; argument, family issues, mentions of cheating, smut, miscommunication, mentions of anger issues, fear of abandonment/being alone, jealousy, first time/virginity, past/present, violence ?( reader slapping rafe), being pogue/kook is not a big deal, mentions of rafe's mother.

author's note : it's 4k. was inspired by eighteen by one direction and to build a home by the cinematic orchestra. trying myself on something soft and kinda angst (but more in a bittersweet way.)

rafe was not always being the big boy everyone knew. it had taken seven years between the two of you for him to become stronger and more mature. when you met him, he was a whiny little boy who loved to fight, but cried every time you treated his wounds. you always managed to make him smile when you placed a bandage on the bleeding bruise and promised him that if he calmed down, the injury would disappear.

you started being there for him from the moment you were just seven years old.you understood that rafe needed someone in his life, because no one was there for him. you never understood why, but people loved to say, even the teacher and his family that there was something weird about him.

you heard the others spreading rumors about it a couple times. it was so easy to criticize others rather than judge yourself. at that moment, rafe didn't scare anyone. it was not because he had the prestigious cameron name that it made his classmates fear him.

he was like everyone else, there was no kook or pogue. everyone was too young to be different, the prey could be anyone in the group, but the leader always remained the same.

the first time you and rafe cameron were really close was on mother's day. the whole class had been assigned to make a gift and in the most saddest way possible, everyone had a mother to give their present to. everyone except Rafe, but you didn't know about that before the accident.

having finished making your own gift, you surprised your friend from behind and he dropped his vase on the ground. you had never felt so sad in your entire life when you saw the broken glass on the floor. you could clearly feel your heart cracking in your ribcage, your veins freezing, and your breath dying in your throat, the hot rush of tears inside your eyes.

"rafe, i'm really sorry. I...really, I didn't mean to..."

“it’s okay, y/n. I didn’t have anyone to give it to anyway...”

his voice cracked slightly in his knotted throat as he managed to not show you how hurt he was. he was trying to be strong, and not a crybaby — that nickname that you given him every time. and his eyes had become so full and wet with tears, the blue ocean of his eyes drowning in the hot little boy whines.

rafe cameron was a broken child, not just since you broke his vase. no, always. since he no longer had his mother. and you realized it in such a cruel way that you wanted to disappear.

he had so many tears, and you felt like they could flow down his cheeks forever, that even an eternity wouldn't be enough to wipe them away. and even if you had been a siren, you would never have been able to swim in water as salty as his present sadness.

"my mother...left me..." he admitted softly between sniffles, his nose red and leaky.

you felt bad but you took him against you in a tender hug, and placed your hand on his back to start caressing him gently, until he was soothed. "but you have me. and i will not leave. you know rafe, when i love someone, it's serious. i sincerely would like to make sure that you never feel alone again."

you looked into his eyes. you couldn't be more sincere.

and maybe it was from that day that rafe cameron fell in love with you, and he had never felt so good because he never thought that love could be so heartwarming and kind.

if you thought he would be the type to hide his feelings, or run away from them, you were wrong. it was the first time he felt this comfort, this happiness and he needed to show it to you. even for his family he did not have such great affection.

he loved giving you gifts. he had seen and heard that the girls really liked those kind of things so every day since Mother's Day, you received flowers, boxes of chocolates, photos of yourself accompanied by notes, volumes of your favorite book saga, CD's of your favorite singers. rafe couldn't let go of you.

since you didn't love him back, he fed on the affection and attention you gave him.

rafe took everything you had to give him - a look, a smile, a kiss on the cheek, a hug, an earphone for the two of you to share, a day in your room watching movies, a ride on the bike of your big brother, an afternoon playing in the sea.

there was nothing strange about him, nothing like the rumors could say.

“rafe, you didn’t have to give me that.” you exclaimed when you saw a necklace with his initials.

“but I wanted to. Don’t you like it?”

"I love..."

Rafe would have loved to hear that you were talking about him saying those words but he was also so impatient. every boy his age had a girlfriend, and he wanted you to be his. he was not an exception to the eager youth.

what was the point of being rich, of being able to have everything if you weren't included among his treasures? he wanted you, his only friend and the only girl who mattered to him.

But also, he was lost because he was experiencing one-sided love, because above all, it hurt so much not to be loved in return, to be in love with someone to love them to a point where it mattered more than himself.

the first time you kissed rafe cameron on the lips was in high school. you were drunk, you hadn't done it on purpose.

you threw up right after, but he never blamed you. he knew it was the alcohol, not him. he even held your hair while you vomited everything into the bowl. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry...I..."

"I'm not mad. you're just drinking too much. I should have been more careful. you know i can't be angry with you."

yes, rafe had anger issues, serious problems managing his hard feelings. sometimes he even scared you. sometimes you even felt like he would be able to kill someone.

rafe’s hands could be deadly but whenever they were on you, pressed to your cheeks, against your hips, on your thighs, inside your hair, on your neck, they were always calm and gentle.

after that, you would never have guessed that the first time rafe cameron had touched himself, it was thinking about your lips on his mouth, something so small and pathetic but it was enough to make him so vulnerable and unable to think about anything else.

he imagined your pretty lips around his cock instead of his useless large hand, your wet open mouth pumping him as your tongue covered every inch of his growing girth. and he hated himself for having impure thoughts about you, because you looked like an angel. he had no desire to make you dirty but oh fuck — he had cum on his stomach, spurting the warm loads painting his flesh. and god he wished you were there to make him pure again.

after that, rafe had tried many times to get you out of his head. he thought of porn. but he imagined your body, your voice, your moans in place of all these actresses, and that was the only way he could come.

dating girls but it never worked. you were always the one he wanted out of all the ones that existed.

distance from you but he always came back, because without you it had always been like being in the dark. and how could he lives in darkness without the one who gave him light?

but above all, you were the one who understood him best, who always managed to soothe him, and above all who never judged him in his moments of weakness.

you were his home, where he took refuge when he had a problem with his father, when he could no longer stand Sarah's presence, when Rose was getting on his nerves, when Topper and Kelce were behaving like idiots. because you were the only person who couldn't make his existence even more shitty.

— now it's been over ten years since rafe cameron was in love with you, but only seven since you disappeared from his life.

you had another life now, a boyfriend who cheated on you and who was always angry with you, and pushing you under and under. you were stuck with the wrong guy.

you had always dreamed of being an artist, you had specialized in painting in college hoping to pursue your dream.

rafe had always accompanied you in that dream, volunteering as a model for all your portraits but you always ended up throwing all the drawings away because you were too perfectionist. for you, it was never good enough. but for your best friend, it was a masterpiece, the work of a true painter.

you drew in your spare time, but each time, you ended up drawing rafe's face. you had no idea why he was your only inspiration even though you had a boyfriend, why it was always him who motivated you to continue painting.

it was strange how rafe had made a huge impact in your life, the only boy you actually had.

— a year later, on a huge impulse, you offered your art to a museum that regularly held exhibitions. you had made arrangements with the director and tried to find rafe's contact two nights after.

you searched for his social media, last names in the directory, asked his friends but nothing had helped you. you had spent a week trying to find it but it felt like you had lost him forever, that it was like a flower that you should have cherished instead of letting it perish.

you had been a monster. you abandoned him...like his mother. like everyone else.

every time you thought about him, you always ended up crying. if it wasn't love because you were sure you didn't love him, why did it hurt so much? why did it kill you so much?

rafe had never been capable of hurting you, and yet you had stabbed him without even looking at him. you had let him give you his heart, and you had stepped on it. and maybe that was why he couldn't fall in love anymore because you had ruined all his chances of being with someone else.

rafe had confessed his feelings to you while you were in his room, talking about everything and nothing, the future and the past like children. he had grown up. he was no longer the little whiny child you had known but a big boy, the one who now had big arms to protect you, hands to dry your tears, body to warm you.

“i feel like you want to tell me something, big boy. so say it, don't make me wait or beg for it.” you teased him by stopping the movie you were watching under the blankets.

"If you weren't so blind and stupid, I wouldn't have to be so embarrassed. i really have to do all the work all the time. "

“Come on, confess it. Do you want me to close my eyes?”

“ close that eyes, and shut that mouth too. ” he nodded, and the minute you closed your eyes, his mouth found yours to kiss you.

“what does that mean?”

“are you being stupid on purpose?” he replied. "It wasn't a mistake for me in the club...I mean, I really liked it like now. Don't make me say it, y/n. "

you were embarrassed. you didn't like rafe. finally you loved him like a best friend. he had always been the friend you dreamed of, not the one you wanted to end up with.

In contrast, rafe always believed that a girl could never break his heart. but you had shown him today that he was wrong, because you had managed to hurt his feelings, to make them so depressing.

you had this control on him that he had exactly over everyone else.

"Am I still the crybaby I was to you? I've changed. "

"that has nothing to do with it. rafe, you can't love someone and think that they will love you back. love doesn't work like that, and sometimes it doesn't even work. "

“you love someone else, right?” his tone was now louder, becoming more aggressive.

"I...n-n..."

"you love someone? who is it? tell me who it is? or don't tell me, I'll find out eventually. do you think that guy deserves you more than me ? "

“rafe, you’re scaring me. don’t yell at me.”

"why? you have the right to reject me but I don't have the right to raise my voice with you... let me laugh...since you like joking with me now.” there was a sick smile on his face that you hated, and made you shake.

"Rafe, I'm not rejecting you..."

“oh, y/n, please don’t lie to me. you’ve never been a hypocrite, so don’t be one now. don't be mean sweetheart because i would die rather than hurting you. just admit that you have someone, that you like playing with my feelings. do you think you're superior to me ? well, don't forget that i'm the only guy that give you attention so you're not that special. i made you special.”

"you win, rafe cameron. congratulations. i'm leaving."

you stood up towards the door but he rushed toward you and blocked your way.

“rafe. move.”

"asking like that? oh no, sweetheart. I've seen you be nicer than that, so you're going to give me the pleasure of asking me with better words."

“don’t make me push you. ”

he laughed so hard that your ego had been hurt. "because you think i'm still the weak, whiny cameron from the past that you used to manipulate ? tskk tskk, wrong. it's over. i hold the power in the relationship now. "

“rafe, I don’t want us to argue.”

“ oh yea ? so why do you want to leave? give me just one good reason at least !”

“you have to let me go.”

"and if I refuse? ah yes, I forgot, my family probably loves you more than me so they will surely come and help you if you cry or scream. so, please, show me how much my family hates and doesn't care about me. ”

you felt the sadness in his voice despite the loud tone, and the condescension.

"you can't leave. what kind of girl are you? the kind who likes to break hearts?”

it was your turn to be mad at rafe so you slapped him. louder than you expected because his face had turned against the door, and a red bruise had marked his skin. you regretted your action but you didn't apologize. because rafe had to learn to respect you.

" excuse me ? I was always there for you, when you were in pain, when you were angry with the whole world, when your father was so cruel to you that I had nightmares because I was afraid that will be the reason i will lost you one day, when you were crying, when you were fighting, I was there when there was absolutely no one for you, I was there when you were the little boy that no one wanted. You have absolutely no right to blame me for anything and consider this slap at the end of my sentence because I will not apologize. I have always been nice to you. so don't make me regret this. so yes, well done rafe, you managed to ruin everything. I'm sorry that you are in love with me and unfortunately I don't have this feelings for you, but now you lost me, and all the chances you had for us to end up together so you can sequester me here if you want, but know that even if I stayed in this room until the end of my days, I would still have no feelings for you, not a fucking single one. “

he was angry, his nostrils were flaring, and his fists were clenched against his thighs. you only had to see the swelling of his veins around his temples and around his neck to feel that it was literally boiling inside his body.

"you haven't changed. you've just grown. you'll cry when my back is turned.”

— back in the present, you wore a pretty dress to your art exhibition. you chose "blue eyes" as a subject with multiple paintings representing Rafe's gaze in different expressions. you had even managed to capture his look when he was in love with you.

so, you hoped that this evening he would come, that he had accepted your invitation, that your letter had arrived safely at its destination. you had received so many compliments but none had made you happy, none had managed to really make you smile, even those from your boyfriend who you had found in the hallway kissing someone else.

you didn't even cry because you knew it. it was just more horrible to see him in real life because he looked so happy.

“get out of here.” you reacted without even shouting.

“baby wait, I can explain everything….”

"explain what to me? your explanations are stuffed in this girl's mouth right now."

"I'm not going to leave." he replied.

“ oh yes you will leave. and if I see a single tear on her face, surely not alive. but yea, dare you to stay.” a cold voice growled and warned behind your back that you recognized it by heart.

you turned to admire rafe who stood in front of you, still just as handsome, and above all taller. you wanted to be a pure and shed tears just to see your ex-boyfriend suffer but you were too busy rejoicing in rafe's presence.

“Who are you?” your ex-boyfriend replied.

"oh if I told you, I think it would break your heart but you don't seem to have one so I'll be honest. I'm definitely the only boy she likes. i'm sorry if she made you think that she has something for you. but believe me, will be nothing contrary to what i will do to you if your ass is still here in those free seconds i let you run.. "

“raf…”

he shushed you with his mouth. "You'll have your moment, but wait. this is a conversation for boys, and unless you're hiding a dick between your legs, you're not in."

you smiled at his stupidity. the two boys had gone out, and Rafe had returned a few minutes later.

“Oh my god, you didn’t cry,” you teased him gently about his whiny past, clapping your hands.

“Was I crying that much?”

“Like a baby.”

"but I have changed...and..."

you felt like the words were really struggling to come out. his voice was blocked and he didn't look you in the eye. he scratched the back of his neck. "I'm sorry. I was totally stupid."

“apology accepted.”

“does that mean I have the right to a kiss?”

When you were little, you always gave Rafe a kiss on the cheek when he apologized. the memory made you smile tenderly.

you stood on your tiptoes to reach his lips with your mouth, and he lifted you by your ass to help you.

“you were always mine, baby. even when you left, even when he was here.”

“ because it’s as much to love you as to hate you, rafe cameron.”

“Is that why you dedicated this entire exhibition to me? I’m flattered.”

“you didn’t leave my head even though you left my life.”

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you either. and I still think of you now. "

“ah yes? and what do your thoughts say about me?”

"that I finally have the girl I've always waited for. and that I still want her just as much."

"How about you show me how much...I mean...not with your lips, big boy. It's time to show me how much you've grown.”

you had gone to his hotel room after the party. he had accompanied you during the rest of the event, never taking his eyes off you as if he was afraid of losing you again. he even felt himself tighten his arm around your waist. he didn't keep his hands in his pocket, because you were there. and above all that you finally loved him.

it was beautiful. you had been the first person rafe cameron had loved, the first person he had broken his heart, and also, the first person who had loved him. you were destined to each others.

in his room, you were surprised to see how gentle he was with you, that he had softly placed your body on his sheets like a princess. he took off his t-shirt and you salivated just seeing his muscular chest, his arms turned into huge biceps, his flat stomach turned into voluminous abs with a magnificent v-line. “ It seems like you worked hard to please me. ”

“ oh babe, don't waste your drool on yourself when you can literally splash it on my dick. but maybe my girl wanted it dry”

“ you're really big now. ”

“ wait, something bigger is coming at you. ”

you were in love with the way your boy had become a man. you were proud of him, you undid his belt, and pulled him by the leather of the accessory before sliding it down and wrapping it around his neck to push him towards you and kiss him again. rafe was so desperate for you, he was hard in his pants to the point where it was painful, and even his tongue against yours was lost in a messy burst of both of you saliva.

he had spread your legs, and removed his pants, before pulling you against him by the thighs to bring you back against his hips.

“spit.” he held out his hand to let you spit on his palm and coated his hard cock with your drool, using your saliva as some kind of lube.

he started touching himself quickly, slowing up and down, a tight grip around his veiny and rocking length. you placed your fingers against his to accompany him in his movements, while devouring him with your eyes.

“fuck, you’re too good for me.”

“so make me as bad as you.” you responded by separating the two lips of your cunt with your fingers to show him the way. “fuck me. now.”

“did you have sex with him?”

“no…” you admitted shyly. “I’m still a virgin. Does that bother you?”

“I’ve already had sex, does that bother you?”

"no, because I'm sure you've never been able to cum without thinking about me. You're so obsessed with me.”

he pushed his leaking and wet tip against your soaked folds, rubbing himself lightly on them. “can I ?”

“oh rafe, it's only if you don’t do it that we’re going to have a problem.” you laughed gently.

and it didn't take more for him to split your pussy with his throbbing dick to startly making his way inside you. he had done it gently, partly because he didn't want to hurt you, but because you were incredibly tight. he held your hands, before placing his lips on yours, and driving you crazy with slow thrusts, his hips gently bucking against yours.

his cock stretched you softly, moving back and forth and sliding inside your canal that surrounded every inch of his dick. once he felt your body relax, he fasted up the pace, your moans automatically becoming louder. you had never been fucked until now, but you understood now, why people liked it.

rafe was completely buried in you from his tip, to the pelvis which was slamming against your thighs and the mattress. he couldn’t be more in love with you. you were perfect.

he loved hearing your screams from across the room, knowing that he was the only one to make you moans like that. you were completely wet, and your dripping pussy helped him pound you quicker, and especially harder. he couldn't get enough of your face completely ruined by tears and pleasure, but especially of your walls squishing him until he felt his own stomach twitching by your trembling body sticking to his, the way your part convulsing around him as the strokes went deeper and deeper.

the bottom lip of your mouth was covered in your own saliva, your back arched against the sheets, and your entire body stimulated, spasms covering it, and forcing you to squirm in every direction.

his blue eyes were lost in your gaze. you didn’t know how but he always managed to go further, hitting every sensitive gummy and soaked spot only to ram it again.

you let out a muffled and depraved sound when his cock slammed into your insides all the way to your stomach. you threw your head back, completely losing control.

“I'm never going to stop and you never going to leave if you keep giving me those eyes. don't feel dizzy now, it's just the beginning. ” he blurted out as he continued to pound you, making your pussy dripping even more all over him, leaving him no choice but to speed up his movements to avoid any waste of your fluids. “ i really want to fuck you all the night. don't make that face, you made me wait for more than fucking ten years, it's just now so fair. ”

you had already had an orgasm, but his energy had doubled. you didn't know what time you stopped, but when you woke up, you were completely exhausted like your body had been used all night.

you wondered how different your relationship was going to be now, and if rafe was going to take responsibility for everything he did last night. you had too many questions, and not enough answers. you took a shower while waiting for him to wake up.

when you finally had the chance to have the famous conversation, you asked him. “do you regret it?”

"that you didn't let me do this way before? yes. for doing it last night? no. another question, babe?"

"yes. well, it's not a question. I don't really know how long I've loved you. I mean, you know the day you fell in love with me. whereas I realized that when I didn't stop painting your face I thought it was your absence but it was stronger than that. when we were young, we were dumb and clumsy. but thank you to let me come back because we finally found the right moment."

“you know very well that you never had to ask for anything to get everything you want from me. all is yours. ”

— tysm for reading 🫶🏿‼️

[yunhostiny]

Selfish Waltz ═ chapter one

[ J. YH + S. MG ]

chapter one: just friends

╚═════════

summary: yunho had been love with y/n since he was sixteen, not mustering up the courage to tell her until seven years later, seven years too late because his best friend just beat him to the punch.

note:reader and the boys are not kpop idols in this

warning:smut, threesome, double penetration, big dick yungi, size kink, just lots of smut

pairings:yunho x female reader, mingi x female reader

genre:smut, friends to lovers, angst, slow burn, romance, polyamory

word count: 3.7k

chapter two

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Yunho can’t recall much of how he ended up in this situation, his best friend’s girlfriend trapped between him and a wall, his experienced fingers deliciously buried so far in y/n the girl can’t do anything but wrap her arms around his shoulders desperately holding on as the orgasm built up like a catastrophic storm inside her.

Yunho’s conscious was screaming at him to stop, that he has fucked up beyond fixing but he had been fighting himself for so long, constantly arguing with that conscious since the day he realized his two best friends had become more then just friends.

It happened the summer after college graduation. Yunho had received an internship for this big game testing company in California and couldn’t pass the opportunity up as his dream had always been to create video games for others, to see his passion for the art come to life.

He was gone for over six months, not returning home until Christmas where during a secret Santa party Seonghwa had thrown caused Yunho to realize that whilst he had been gone all this time his two best friends, his two other halves, had become something much more.

Y/N was talking to San when Yunho had arrived not noticing him, nor her or Mingi were expecting to see him until after the new year but Yunho finished his internship, given a full time job at an International Gaming Lab here in Seoul and even got to come home early, one thing on his mind the entire time. Tell y/n he was in love with her. It was the last leap he had to make to finally have everything he’s ever dreamed of.

That last dream however was shattered, yanked out from under him, blindsided him so disastrously that yunho felt like he couldn’t breathe when he watched Mingi come up behind y/n, arms wrapping around her waist, leaning down to whisper something in her ear before she turned in his arms and kissed him.

Yunho would of ran out of the party as quickly as he had arrived if it hadn’t been for San who turned away from Mingi and y/n, seeing him and beaming a little buzzed from extremely spiked eggnog Wooyoung made. “YUNHO!”

San’s loud excitement caused everyone’s attention to direct exactly on him, causing his ears to turn red. His gaze caught Mingi’s and Yunho was the only one that could see the guilt in his best friend’s eyes as Mingi separated himself from y/n, putting a little distance between them as she was, unlike Mingi, completely oblivious to Yunho’s feelings, running towards the taller man, arms trying to wrap completely around him, inhaling his familiar scent of fresh linen and dewy raindrops as she looked up at him where he had grown stiff, arms at his sides not able to break eye contact with Mingi until he heard y/n voice say his name.

“Yun,” y/n was smiling at him as Yunho finally broke his gaze with Mingi who snatched San’s spiked eggnog out of his hand, tossing his head back as he downed it whilst San pouted. “I thought you weren’t coming back home until next month?” Yunho returned her hug, her scent no longer just hers as he buried his face in her hair, the scent of familiar jasmine and vanilla mixed with the scent of mint and cinnamon. The scent of Mingi.

“Dude,” Wooyoung shoved y/n out of the way hugging Yunho like his drunken life depended on it. Y/N rolled her eyes at her stepbrother. Her dad married Wooyoung’s mom when they were twelve, it’s how Yunho and Mingi had met her with Wooyoung being Yunho’s neighbor growing up. “I’m so glad you’re back now I can finally have a gaming session that doesn’t suck!” Wooyoung hiccuped. “Everyone here can’t play for shit.”

“Y/N doesn’t even play with me no more,” Wooyoung pouted as he huffed still hugging Yunho. “She’s too busy riding Mingi and sticking her tongue down his throat.” Y/N gasped , slapping her stepbrother in the back of the head causing Wooyoung to yelp. His bluntness drunk or not was just something that made Wooyoung well… Wooyoung. “I’m telling mom and dad you’re abusing me.” He rubbed the back of his head as he let go of Yunho.

Yunho’s eyes locked in on Mingi as he approached them while the siblings bickered. “I didn’t think you were getting back until next month.” Mingi declared, his words almost the same as y/n had been. He embraced his best friend in a hug though Yunho could feel how tense Mingi was. “Surprise.” Yunho retorted returning Mingi’s hug unethusiatically. If everyone around them weren’t so drunk they would be able to feel the tension between the two best friends.

After a couple of hours Yunho had been ready to leave, sink into his bed at the apartment he shared with mingi after being away for so long, he really did miss his bed. What he didn’t plan on however was y/n coming home with him and Mingi, almost tricking himself into thinking the two weren’t together. Actually he still wasn’t too sure what his two best friends were exactly. Are they dating? They had to be of course they were. He saw the way they kissed and Wooyoung’s remark kept playing in his head like a record stuck on a loop.

“She’s too busy riding Mingi and sticking her tongue down his throat.”

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The walk down the two blocks from Seonghwa and Hongjoong’s shared apartment was dead silent. Yunho walked behind the couple in front of him who had their hands held together, fingers interlocked as y/n leaned all of her weight against Mingi, head resting against his arm. Yunho had the sudden urge to push between them and break them apart but instead shoved his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, long slender fingers bawling into fists.

A giggle erupted from y/n as she stumbled, Mingi’s grip on her tightening as he pulled her snug into his side to keep her from falling. “I think you had too much of your brother’s eggnog.” He smiled down at her, one hand on her cheek resting gently as his other wrapped around her. For the first time in their friendship, Yunho felt out of place. He huffed as he speed walked past them, he couldn’t stand to look at them all couply for another second. If he would have glanced back he wouldn’t have missed the worried and nervous look Mingi sent him.

He certainly wouldn’t have missed the longing look y/n sent after his retreating back.

********

To say the atmosphere once they arrived to their apartment was awkward would be an understatement. Yunho unlocked the door, stepping inside and almost tripping over his luggage he had forgotten he’d left. “Shit!” He hissed when he stubbed his foot against a suitcase that resulted in his pinky toe being hit. He could swear that’s one of the worst pains next to that time he accidentally stepped on one of Seonghwa’s legos.

Reaching a hand out blindly feeling for the light switch on the wall, Yunho flicked the light on, blinking at the sudden brightness of the fluorescence. He wrapped his hands around two suitcases and started his trudge to his room as Mingi and y/n came in behind him, Mingi locking the front door before grabbing Yunho’s other bags and following behind him.

Yunho dropped the suitcases on the floor after pushing his bedroom door open, it looked exactly the way he had left it a frown forming on his face however when he noticed the one change. The dirty clothes he had left overflowing in the hamper next to his closet had all been washed, assorted and folded neatly at the foot of his bed. “Did you wash my clothes?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at Mingi when he dropped Yunho’s bags down.

Mingi scoffed, “Who do you think washed them?” He asked knowing Yunho should know at this point that his best friend hates doing his own laundry let alone anyone else. Y/N. Yunho stared at the clean clothes, eyes trailing around the rest of his room. Why had she been in his bedroom? “Listen…” Mingi trailed off, hand rubbing the back of his neck as Yunho started placing all his luggage in the corner beside his closet, he’d sort through and put everything up later as all he wished for was some sleep as the jet lag was starting to kick in. “I guess we should talk…”

“About what?” Yunho remarked, a tad bit aggressively, as he noticed he hadn’t removed his shoes when coming in. He sat at the foot of his bed, carful to not sit on his folded clothes, yanking the shoe laces loose and carelessly tossing his black worn converse over to land next to his luggage. Mingi bit his bottom lip at his best friend’s tone. He knew this moment would come, dreaded it even. It’s not like he meant to fall for y/n. For ten years she was just his friend. His other half just like Yunho. She was always only his friend. He wasn’t the one pining over her since they were sixteen, that was Yunho.

“I didn’t mean to fall for her.” Mingi was hesitant on how to approach the subject. Last time the two of them had talked about y/n was six months ago before Yunho had left for his internship and Mingi had told him that when he got back home and he didn’t finally make a move on y/n he’d have to kick his best friend’s ass and make him. Two days later, Yunho was gone. Four days later, Mingi kissed y/n for the first time. “I’m tired.” Yunho stopped him. He did not want to hear how Mingi had done what Yunho was always too damn afraid to do. Make a move.

Mingi sighed not wanting to push his best friend. Yunho could be pretty scary when he was angry. The only time he had ever witnessed his best friend lose it, was in high school after Eric Sohn convinced y/n he loved her and she gave him everything. He dumped her after she gave him her virginity. Yunho overheard him laughing about it with his friends. Eric had to be taken to the E.R. that day after Yunho broke his nose. “Ok.” Mingi backed out of his room pausing before closing Yunho’s door behind him. “I’m glad you’re home.”

Yunho stared at the picture on his desk that sat right beside his computer. It was taken the day of his high school graduation. Y/N squished in the middle of himself and Mingi, all of three of them smiling without a clue of what adulthood and the future would bring them. His jaw clenched as he got up and turned the frame down on the desk, hiding the picture from his sight. He felt betrayed. He felt like he had been stabbed in the back. Like Mingi took something from him. But y/n was never his to begin with.

And she never will be.

He really was tired, turning around and quickly putting his clothes y/n had washed for him up in the dresser on the far side of his bed before shoving his jeans off carelessly on the floor, yanking his hoodie and tshirt off at once before pulling his duvet back, crawling into his bed and sighing into his pillow, laying on his stomach and hugging the comforting feathered head rest closely, the faint scent of jasmine and vanilla lulling him to sleep.

═════════ ═════════ ═════════

Yunho had no idea what time it was, he hadn’t remembered when hed fallen asleep but a sudden loop of repetitive noises echoing from across the hall caused him to groan awake. “Huh.” He blinked his eyes open, squinting into the darkness, ears searching for the culprit of the noise disrupting his sleep.

“Mingi..”

There was no denying what the culprit of the noise was, Yunho was wide awake now, heart beating rapidly and his fist gripping his sheets as he sat up in bed. Another moan echoed followed by Mingi’s deep muffled voice. “No.” Yunho shook his head before glaring at his bedroom door. “Are you fucking kidding me!” He hissed exclaimed. They were fucking. Right across the hall! The next moan that Yunho heard he had to close his eyes and let out a deep breath. He’d never heard y/n like that, at least not in rel life. His dreams didn’t count and my god did the real thing sound so much better.

“You have got to be quite” Mingi scolded his girlfriend as he rolled his hips, tip of his dick hitting y/n g spot every time, his right hand gripping her leg he had propped up against his shoulder. He had no intention of waking Yunho up because y/n was very loud, very verbal when he had her on the edge of euphoria. “You’re doing it on purpose.” He noted when y/n smirked at him. Mingi reached his hand up covering her mouth, gripping just enough to muffle her as he felt her clench around him, her orgasm ready to spill out.

Y/N muffled scream and moans against Mingi’s hand we’re barely kept quiet as her orgasm hit her, legs shaking, white spots in her vision and a sob leaving her as she grew overstimulated as Mingi continued to thrust rapidly, nothing able to silence the loud squelching of skin slapping skin as he his hips rutted and a loud moaning groan escaped him as he came feeling y/n up. His hand still holding her one leg up, fingers gliding slowly down as Mingi gently collapsed above her, hand removing from y/n mouth as his head nuzzled atop her breast, hips rutting up softly to pull himself out of her, his cum leaking out his girlfriend and staining the sheets.

After a long moment that was filled with both their pants and heavy breathing, hearts slowly calming and no longer beating erratically. “He hates me.” Mingi closed his eyes as y/n ran her hands up and down his back as he listened to the now steady beat of her heart. “He could never hate you.” Her words did little to make Mingi feel less guilty, especially after what they had just done whilst Yunho slept right across the hall.

═════════ ═════════ ═════════

Yunho had turned his fan on and crammed his airpods in his ears to drown out the obvious noises coming from Mingi’s room. He waited for the keshi song he’d been listening to finish before pausing his music, taking out one of his earbuds and listening for any sign that the couple in the next room were done. It was silent except for the humming that escalated from his fan.

“I gotta piss!”Yunho sat his airpods on his bedside table next to his phone and darted to his bedroom door. His ear listened for a moment against the door before he deemed it safe, easing the door open and staring at the other one directly across from his own. They must be asleep, he determined before shuffling out of his room and speed walking down the end of the small hallway to the bathroom.

He’d been holding it since he was so rudely awakened so the most satisfied sigh of relief left him finally able to relieve himself. His adam’s apple bobbed once as his head tilted back, satisfied before quickly flailing his arms out to grab the bar that held the shower curtain up to catch himself from falling after getting his foot tangled in something on the tiled floor. “Fuck” he breathed out steadying himself back up right, reaching down to grab his attacker.

A black sheer bra stared back at him from the grip in his hand. Yunho gulped staring and picturing y/n wearing it, only it. The material fell from his hand as he dropped it practically bolting out of the bathroom and deciding he could go for a midnight or whatever time it was snack. The brightness of the kitchen light blinded him for a second being much more luminous and bright than the dim lighting in the bathroom.

Yunho decided on a bowl of cereal, snatching the box of frosted flakes and pouring a big bowl of it. He shivered a little from the cool air coming from the fridge, a stark contrast to the warmth of the apartment, hitting his bare chest as he grabbed the milk. He almost dropped the entire carton at the sight of y/n stretching her arms up and yawning as she walked into the kitchen.

Yunho had no control over the way eyes roamed over her taking in her disheveled hair, post orgasm glow and the way one of Mingi’s oversized Diesel shirts he had gotten from one of his modeling gigs rid up her with her stretching revealing the black sheer panties that matched the bra in the bathroom. He quickly averted his eyes after the faintest glimpse of her pussy in the sheer panties had him growing hard faster then he ever had before in his life.

Y/N reopened her eyes in time as she dropped her arms to see Yunho quickly sit down at the small kitchen table. He poured milk all over his big bowl of cereal stirring it around with a metal spoon doing his best to avoid y/n gaze and his dick hard in his underwear under the table. “How long have you been up?” Y/N asked curiously but Yunho knew it was because she wanted to know if he heard them. “Maybe 10 minutes?” He lied as he shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

Y/N walked past him grabbing a bowl for herself, she had to reach up to the shelf, Mingi’s shirt on her once again riding up as she did. Yunho glanced at her and clenched his jaw at the perfect view of her ass was on display in the sheer panties. He had to suppress a groan as his dick twitched under the table. She had no idea what she was doing to him.

Yunho watched her sit down across from him at the table, her feet brushing his under the table. She grabbed the box of cereal filling her bowl up and then reaching for the milk. They both ate their cereal in silence for a few minutes before y/n broke it. “I missed you.” Yunho could feel her foot rubbing up his leg and gulped. What the fuck is she doing? Her foot stopped at his thigh before dropping and pulling away.

Yunho stayed silent finishing his cereal, y/n watching him intently as he stared hard at the back of the cereal box. “Are you mad at us?” She asks causing Yunho to tense up. Why would she think he’s mad at her? Mingi? Yes. But it’s not like y/n had any idea he was like madly in love with her. He was just her best friend. “Why would I be mad at you?”

Y/N met his gaze, her breath hitching at the glint of a challenge of sorts settled in Yunho’s dark eyes. He watched her as she looked away, finishing the rest of her cereal. Now it was y/n avoiding his gaze and Yunho couldn’t help but smirk. Before he could help himself, he found himself copying y/n, running his foot gently up her leg, pausing at her inner thigh. He watched her freeze and meet his gaze, slight gasp leaving her from his touch. “I missed you too.”

Y/N visibly shuddered when his socked foot was no longer warm against her skin. Yunho went back to finishing his cereal hiding his smirk with his spoon. For a moment he’d completely forgotten, lost up in her, that for a fleeting moment he forgot she was now dating Mingi. He watched her finish her cereal and take her bowl and spoon to the sink. “Leave it, I got it.”

“You sure?” She asked him before just leaving her dirty dishes for him to clean. “Go back to bed, y/n.” Go back to him. Yunho stared over the little maze on the back of the cereal box until he heard her sigh and leave. He caught the last glimpse of her just as she disappeared back out the kitchen and down the hall.

He dropped his spoon into his bowl, putting the cereal up and the milk before quickly washing their dirty bowls and spoons. He turned the bright kitchen light back out before walking back down the hall towards his room. Yunho paused just as he reached his door, eyes catching the reflection of y/n straddling Mingi, back arched as his best friend’s hands slid down her back, gripping her ass through the giant floor mirror inside mingi’s room.

“She’s too busy riding Mingi and sticking her tongue down his throat.”

She left the door open. She knew he was still up and awake and she left the door open. Yunho turned around and disappeared back inside his room just as a loud moan ripped from y/n.

He probably should of put his earbuds in, put his headset on distract himself with a game, anything, but he was frozen, staring up at his ceiling in the darkness of his room as y/n sinfully beautiful moans echoed from Mingi’s room across the hall for the second time that night.

And Yunho felt dirty, filthy, completely losing his mind as he reached towards his now hardened dick in his underwear. One stroke and he was hissing from his own touch , eyes shut, ears listening intently for y/n. He pulled himself from his underwear, hand pumping himself as y/n moans sent a fire in his abdomen. He was pumping himself so hard, so erratic he couldn’t stop the moan that left him followed by a low growl into his pillow as he came all over his sheets.

In that moment there was only one thing Yunho knew…

He was so fucked.

[quietstormxr]

No Need

Here's a Xaden x Reader that was a message request.

Slight Iron Flame Spoilers

Summary: You were Xaden's Wingleader and sent to Chakir. You discovered the venin and rebellion and want to fight, but don't want Xaden to know. You fight at Pavis and are injured.

Angst to Fluff

Hope this covers the request. I had a lot of fun writing it!

Word Count : 4.7k

Getting used to the idea that you were now considered a ‘traitor’ would definitely take some time. As you walked up to the entrance of the fortress of Riorson House in the warm August heat, you couldn’t help but take in the brutal beauty in front of you. 

As you walked, you kept your steps measured, but your head held high. Your latest intercepted intelligence told you that this is where you would find the new instance of Fen Riorson’s original rebellion. Even though you no longer exchanged letters with Xaden, your heart knew you would never be able to let innocent people die for the lies Navarrian leadership would spin.

As you walked up to the fortress, someone with close cropped auburn curls came walking out of the doors. You honestly couldn’t believe they would let you get this close before taking you down, but you had just shrugged your shoulders and kept moving. 

“What is your business here, rider?” The man in front of you asked in an accusatory tone, leaving no room for niceties. 

Knowing there was no reason to beat around the bush, you began to explain. 

“I’m here to offer my services to the rebellion. I have deserted my post at Chakir and want to join the fight against the venin.” You said with your shoulders squared, chin high, and a tone of conviction. 

“What is your name, Lieutenant?” The man asked looking at the ranking on your flight jacket. 

“I am Lieutenant L/N. I was a wingleader of Fourth Wing two years ago and Xaden Riorson served as a squad leader under my leadership.”

The man kept looking at you as you explained, a flash of understanding flew across his features.

“Ah, yes. Lieutenant Riorson spoke highly of you. However, I’m sure you are aware that you will need to be questioned before your intentions can be ascertained.”

You nodded your head, while he began to lead you to an open room. 

As soon as you entered, you were overwhelmed by the stares directed at you. There were five other people, obviously older than you, that were looking as if they had just broken from a heated discussion. 

The man that ushered you in, gestured at a chair at the other side of the table and you took a seat. 

“I am Lieutenant Colonel Brennan Aisereigh. I know from Lieutenant Riorson, that you may have suspected that our operations existed. However, now that you are here, please help us get to know you by confirming how you learned of our existence, the venin, and any other current knowledge you can share.”

You gave a curt not before immediately starting to explain your reasoning for being there. You explained your close relationship with Xaden, leaving out the fact that you had been involved while you were at Basgiath. You explained how you came across the correspondence that led you to Aretia and the way you had come across the venin while on a patrol in Chakir. As soon as you were finished explaining everything you could, you were ushered out of the room and to another room.

You looked around and realized this must have been someone’s office, as there was a desk with papers and maps strewn about. You took a seat in one of the plush chairs lining the walls and got yourself ready for the long waiting game ahead as the members in the other room decided your fate. 

As you sat there, you couldn’t help reminiscing over the relationship that you and Xaden shared. You remembered the stolen moments you had taken in your room as the Wingleader of Fourth Wing, the nights spent together talking and laughing while looking up at the stars, and even the fights that always seemed explosive. 

You both had kept in touch when you first left Basgiath, but as distance does, it seemed that you both drifted apart. You still thought of him often and even remembered the touch of his hands on your skin. But, with all the rumors that you received at your post, you were more than aware that Xaden had moved on more than once at this point. 

 You took a deep breath and sighed, knowing that line of thinking wasn’t going to help you in any way. But before you finished exhaling, the door to the study opened. 

“Lieutenant Colonel, have you all come to a decision?” You asked as you stood to mark the respect to the rank of the man in front of you.

“Yes, the Assembly has confirmed that you are welcome to serve with us in this rebellion, if you so choose. However, if at any time your loyalties are called into question, you will have to face a tribunal.” He says his face stern to convey the gravity of what you were taking on. 

Without an ounce of hesitation, you say. “I understand completely. I am more than willing to prove myself of service to the Assembly and rebellion. However, if I may, I have one request.”

He looks as you with confusion and gives a quick nod for you to continue.

“As I’m sure you are aware, Xaden and I have history. I would like for him to be kept in the dark as to my involvement. I understand that this is his house, so I would like to find lodging somewhere else. I want to be just another name on the rolls of Lieutenants for you to command as you need.”

He looks at you with a face of slight confusion. “How do you intend on him being unaware if we use your name?”

I give a small smile and continue. “I would like to use my grandmother’s maiden name, in place of my last name. I don’t believe he will know who is on the rolls by just my first name. I also ask that if he ever returns to the rebellion full time, I am put on any other squad. I do not wish to be a distraction.” You say knowing that you may be the one that is distracted. 

“Otherwise, I will report to duty and such as normal.” I finish.

He gives me a look as if trying to discern something but nods his head in agreement. 

Months pass and your new routine continues to develop. You had moved into a small cottage near the fortress and were able to successfully avoid everyone in the fortress for the most part. The only people you saw regularly were Brennan, as you now knew him and Felix. 

Brennan had found you were a good sounding board for him and helped with strategy when things were constantly shifting. 

You didn’t mind either as it kept you extremely busy. You were constantly learning the movements of the venin, helping to research more on how their powers worked, and were even brought into negotiations with Poromiel. It was a whirlwind on how you infiltrated into the inner workings of the rebellion. 

As you are packing your bag for your next assignment, you hear the roar of wind hitting the windows of your cottage. You look out the window to see the largest riot you’ve ever seen flying overhead.

You scrunch your nose in annoyance though when you see Sgaeyl is leading the whole riot. 

‘Can we leave before Sgaeyl sees you?’ You ask Fenrir, not wanting to get caught up in explanations or reunions. 

‘I’m ready when you are Ferocious One.’ He confirms back.

‘Let’s go. I’ll meet you to the west of town, since I assume the riot will be flying to the valley.’

You hear Fenrir huff in agreement and quickly finish your hair and grab your pack, while sprinting out the door with a cloak drawn to hide your features. 

                                ____________

Not long after getting to the outpost you’d been stationed at near the Medaro Pass, your squad gets the information of the new arrivals at Riorson House.

You also received a personal correspondence from Brennan confirming that Xaden was still unaware of your involvement and that he would take great care to make sure you were stationed apart. 

You took comfort that at least you would still be able to fight this war without the distraction of Xaden in front of you. 

Neither of you had called your ‘relationship’ off, but you had just stopped sending him letters. It wasn’t for lack of him trying, but as you learned of different things, you couldn’t help the way you felt slightly betrayed. 

First you had found out he was betrothed while you were stationed in Chakir and then you learned of Violet Sorrengail and the saga of mated dragons. Both new realities made you sure that it wasn’t worth the fight or confrontation, so you were just going to let it lie. 

It helped that the rebellion was stretched thin, so there were already so few riders available to man outposts. The days that you were home in your cottage, Brennan confirmed that Xaden was on patrols. 

It felt as if you would finally be able to stay apart, but still be able to help those in need. As time progressed with the rebellion, you started becoming more reckless. You figured that there wasn’t much you had left in the world, so if you could make the ultimate sacrifice to save someone else, then why not. Fighting venin was never going to be predictable anyway.

                        ____________________

It didn’t go to plan. Then again, since you arrived at Basgiath, did anything really? You may not be as Basgiath any longer, but that didn’t mean the unfortunate incidents didn’t follow you around. 

Sometimes you wondered if the Assembly really knew anything about the movements of the venin and apparent army they had. It didn’t take more than ten minutes before the entire city was overrun. 

You were only caught off guard for less than a minute, but those precious seconds cost more than you were willing to admit. One minute the sky was clear and the next you were rushing to your dragon, strapped with every dagger you owned and hoping you could help as many people as possible. 

‘Fenrir, we need to draw the attention away from the civilians. Let’s cause a scene.’ You thought to your dragon, knowing that none of your fellow riders were going to approve of your plan. 

You were known for being a little bit reckless with your own life, but you figured that it was always better to save the masses, even at the cost of yourself. 

Your riot that was watching over the city was only you and two other Lieutenants, all of which has seen little as to actual combat. You were the only one that had previously dealt with the venin while stationed in Chakir. 

Knowing that you had the most experience with these creatures, you searched the horizon with Fenrir to see how many venin you would be dealing with. 

‘Ladon confirmed there are only two venin with this wyvern horde.’ Fenrir confirmed. 

‘Then let’s hunt the two. Can we get the attention of the most powerful one?’ You asked back hoping to draw the one with the most power your way.

‘Let’s hunt, Ferocious One.’

You let a menacing smile cross your face as you braced yourself on Fenrir’s scales. As soon as he got you close enough to the first venin, you let your hand fly with an energy whip flying to lash out as it flew past you on a grey wyvern. 

You were only slightly wrong on your calculation of what the venin would do, so you weren’t expecting when it willingly flew back to your side on Fenrir. The second of distraction was all it took for the venin to swipe a blade across your arm. You felt a searing pain lance through you, one that you had never experienced before. 

But you weren’t going to let the damn thing win that easily. Before the venin could register your actions, you pulled the energy taut again and slammed the alloy dagger into its chest. The screech that it let out caused you to immediately loosen the energy tearing at its waist. As soon as it dropped, you turned your attention to the other venin.

However, you were shocked to find there were now several more than before. Although wyvern seemed to be dropping out of the sky, there were more than you and your two other squad members would be able to take down.

‘Can you spot the next most powerful one? We need to keep drawing them away from civilians.’ You thought fiercely. 

‘I can, but you are hurt Ferocious One.’

‘I don’t care Fenrir. I will not let these people die.’

Fenrir gives a huff of exasperation, but you know that he will not let these people die either. 

‘There is additional backup coming that Ladon has called for coming now.’

You send a wave of confirmation, so Fenrir knows that you’re aware of what he said, but you’re focused on staying on his back and trying to push past the burning in your arm. At this point, you know that if this is your end, you will go down fighting as much as you can for the continent. 

As you fly forward chasing the next venin, you see the flash of blue scales that you had been dreading to see all these months. You know that there is no way Xaden doesn’t know who is on the back of the red swordtail in front of him. However, you don’t spend much time dwelling on that as you are in a collision course with another venin. 

You stand again on the back of Fenrir with your good hand grasping the scales in front of the pommel and make another lasso of energy ready to tear across the next venin. You go to lash out, but you hear a screech from next to you and turn to see a patch of desecrated land, where just a moment ago was a rider and her dragon. 

Turning fast, you decide to create an arrow of energy and launch it straight at the venin’s throat that just killed one of your fellow riders. You aim and it strikes true through its throat. You let out a breath as you watch as the civilians that were fleeing that area now have more time to evacuate. 

‘We’ve been told to retreat.’ Fenrir relays to you.

‘Why? There are still civilians at risk!’ You snap back, aggravated that you can’t continue to hunt these heartless monsters.

‘You can take that up with your leadership when we return to Aretia.’

“Ugh!” You can’t help the yell of frustration that rips through you at the idea that you will leave innocent people behind.

On your way back to Aretia, the adrenaline and fury of the fight is starting to wane. As you get closer to Riorson House, your body feels like every nerve ending is alight with fire. The absolute agony shooting through you is making it hard for you to keep your grip on Fenrir’s seat. 

‘Can you bring me back to the cottage and ask Marbh to get Brennan?’ You ask Fenrir as a particularly stinging pain comes searing through your body. 

You let your grip loosen slightly and tear the sleeve of your jacket open more. 

“Damnit!” You look down at your arm and see black spidering across your skin. 

‘I’ve been poisoned Fenrir.’

‘I know Ferocious One. I saw. I have relayed the message to Marbh and told him to get his rider there now. We will be back in just a few minutes. Hang on.’ He says as I feel bands wrap around my legs to keep me from falling. 

You silently thank your dragon as your body seems to want to dance in and out of consciousness. 

The next thing you know, Fenrir is landing in front of the cottage. 

“Y/N.” You hear a male voice call. You look up and see the auburn curls you were hoping for. Relief washes over you and you fall towards Brennan.

“Bren, poison.” You manage to rasp out. Your eyes flutter in and out and you could swear you see a swath of navy-blue fly above you and rope of shadows drop a figure to the ground. As you begin to finally cave to the acidity of the poison floating through your system, you think you hear a familiar male voice.

“What the fuck is going on Brennan?” The voice asks and you feel yourself getting yanked into a different pair of arms and against a hard chest.

“What the fuck are you doing, Y/N?” You can’t mistake the anger in the way the person says your name before you fully give in to the darkness.

You wake slowly blinking away the exhaustion that still seems to still be pulling you under. Your body only now feels warm, instead of the feeling of fire racing through your veins. 

The two male voices that you remember are now still talking in hushed angry tones.

“Why the fuck would you let her join and hide herself?” One of the voices hissed. “Then you send her to one of the most active fucking outposts. What the hell were you thinking?”

“I did as she requested when she came here.” The other voice volleyed back. “You already know that you aren’t privy to all of the decisions of the Assembly yet, especially before you came back with an entire untrained riot.”

“I don’t give a shit. You wouldn’t have accepted her terms if it were one of your sisters.” 

“She’s not your sister, so I don’t see how your decisions have any weight regarding her choices.” Gods, that had to be Brennan, at least your foggy mind thought that’s who it was.

“I don’t fucking care what you think! She’s not to be put on an active border like that again.” The other male voice roars. 

You hear one of them blow out a breath before continuing in a calmer tone. “That’s not for you to decide. It’s her decision when she wakes up how she wants to proceed. She has been invaluable for the movement and has provided guidance on movements and killed more venin than anyone else. It’s her life and her decision to make.”

“Over my fucking dead body.” The other voice says back, a dark imposing tone highlighting every word. 

“Look, she needs to rest, and you need to get yourself under control. I’ll stay with her tonight. You go back to the fortress and get yourself in order. And before you ask, that’s a damn order, now move out.” Brennan tells the other male.

You hear a frustrated growl rip through the air before you hear boots retreating from the cottage and slamming the door. At that, you fall back into unconsciousness as sleep takes you again.

A few days later, you slowly blink your eyes open and are greeted with the bedroom that you’ve called home over the last few months. You take a deep breath, the first that you have been able to take since the battle began. 

It’s with that realization that you jolt fully awake remembering the fight and staggering from Fenrir. 

‘Are you alright Fenrir?’ You ask unsure about what happened once you returned home.

‘Of course, Ferocious One. I’m glad to know that you are awake.’ He says in reply, a wave of affection surging through your bond. 

You slowly sit up and place your feet on the floor, shivering at the cold that has settled in the air. However, it looks as though someone had recently been at the cottage as the remnants of a fire are still glowing in the small fireplace. 

You grab a sweater from your small closet and toss it around the pajamas that someone seems to have changed you into. You walk into the small living room and find that someone has obviously been making themselves at home in your cottage. There are some food items on the counter and there’s a blanket spread across the couch that looks like someone just got up. 

As you continue to shuffle to the front door, you shake your head trying to clear some of the fog that has seemed to settle in your mind. You can remember hearing voices arguing but can’t seem to remember what they were arguing about. As you go to open the door, you feel the knob turning in your fingers and your brow furrows. 

The knob turns fully, and the door is opening with the full light of the sun spilling inside. You squint and blink your eyes several times before you can focus on the person in front of you. 

As your eyes finally acclimate to the lighting, you look up and take a full step back when the man in front of you comes fully into focus.

Xaden.

You continue to stare back in surprise and watch as you see the same emotion reflected in his eyes. 

“Gods.” He breathes out and the next thing you know, you are being crushed into an embrace. 

You let out a small squeak in surprise at the gesture which causes him to immediately pull back to look down at you. You watch as his gaze roams all over your body as if looking for a place that you’re hurt. 

You slowly step back out of his arms and watch as his expression turns blank. 

“Wh – what – what are you doing – here?” You stammer out as your voice croaks with disuse. 

“I should be asking you the same thing.” He says with a firm tone to his voice.

You scoff incredulously at the tone that the man in front of you has taken. It’s amazing how fast this man can get on your nerves, especially after you just woke up from being poisoned.

“I never asked you to come into my home.” You spit back at him. “And you can’t control my actions as a rider trying to protect the people of the continent.” 

“I beg to differ. If I don’t want you on the front lines, you won’t be. Just watch me.” He snarks back viciously. 

“Ugh.” You say as you turn away from the infuriating man in front of you. “I either fight with the rebellion or I fight alone. Your choice. I made my decision regarding the side of the war I am on, and you can’t change that.”

“Oh, I won’t.” He says lowly while stalking towards you. “But I can guarantee you won’t be going back to Draithus or anywhere near there.”

You look back at him incredulously. You can’t honestly believe this man would punish you for simply joining the rebellion without telling him.

“And why not?” You snap back with your blood now boiling in your veins.

“Because I can’t fucking lose you!” He roars at you, his chest heaving along with his panting breaths. 

You whirl your head to face him with shock written all over your face. Your entire body has gone instantly still trying to process the words that just came out of his mouth. 

“Wha – What – What do you mean?” You stammer in a whisper.

You watch as he prowls towards you before grabbing your face in both of his hands.

“I came for you. I went to fucking Chakir looking for you and no one knew where you were. I’ve spent months wondering if you were dead because I didn’t know what happened to you.” He rushes out with hands still attached to your face.

“Then when we came back here and I didn’t see you on the rolls of current active riders, I thought I lost you. I had people all over Navarre searching for you. I constantly asked Sgaeyl if she had seen Fenrir.” He huffs out a humorless laugh.

“Then we are called to help defend Pavis and what is the first thing I see, but your energy whipping a venin down to Fenrir and you kill it. But the damn thing sliced you before you landed the killing blow. I watched your face scrunch in pain before you put your mask back on and flew with Fenrir. I didn’t even know if you saw Sgaeyl on that field.”

You roll your eyes. “Of course I saw Sgaeyl, she’s beautiful and hard to miss. Especially with you as her rider.”

“Then I flew back towards Riorson House after, and you weren’t in the group that came back. Again, I thought I lost you before I found fucking Brennan holding your almost lifeless body in front of this cottage.” He continues to explain as he gestures around the small cottage with one hand.

His fingers had at some point started stroking your cheeks in a soothing motion, although you were unsure if he was trying to soothe you or himself. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were here? Why did you stop writing?” He asks quietly. His tone of voice has now turned quiet almost as if he speaks too loudly the dream he is in would disappear. 

You turn your eyes down breaking his gaze, knowing that you don’t want to have this conversation. 

“Talk to me. Please.” He says pleadingly.

You look back at him with resignation in your eyes. “While at Chakir I found out about your betrothal and then about General Sorrengail’s daughter. I figured that you’d moved on. I didn’t feel like there was any reason to update you on my whereabouts any longer.” You sigh. “I didn’t want to bring in any additional complications for you.”

You look into his eyes and see regret and sadness. “My whole life I’ve never thought I’d have a choice on who I could be with.” He pauses before continuing. “I may have been betrothed and now tethered to Violet Sorrengail, but there’s only one person that I really want.”

You feel as one of his arms wraps around your back and the other hand rises to your neck and tilts your head back. 

“I couldn’t breathe when I saw you limp in Brennan’s arms. I nearly ripped his throat out for touching you like that and knowingly putting you in danger.” He whispers. “I haven’t felt whole since you left Basgiath. And I’ve only been looking for you.”

You can’t help the way you feel like you’re falling into the onyx depths of the eyes of the man cradling you close. 

“Please don’t shut me out. I’ve been here the last four days hoping against hope that you would wake up. I need you.” He continues.

“I won’t stifle you. I never could.” He says with a sad smile crossing his face. “But I want you to be with me. I don’t want to hide this anymore and I want you to fight with me.”

You continue searching those onyx depths and see nothing but sincerity and truthfulness. A small smile breaks across your face. 

“I’ll fight with you.” You say as his arms tighten around you. “But you may have to catch up. I’ve been counseling the Assembly in strategy for the last few months.”

A smile breaks across his face. “So, I’ve heard. From what I can tell, the Assembly is very impressed with you.”

“Well, I didn’t make wingleader just because of my pretty face.” You sass back playfully.

“That may be true. However, your beautiful face just makes all that wonderous talent even more deadly.” He says moving his face closer to yours, before turning serious again. 

“Will you be mine? No games, no hiding. Please.” He asks pleadingly.

You smile back at him before rising and kissing his lips lightly. For a moment he doesn’t respond, but once he realizes, he’s tightening his hand on the back of your neck and bringing you closer. His lips crash harder into yours, which causes yours to part slightly. He takes advantage of it and licks your bottom lip before claiming your entire mouth. You continue to share heated kisses before you are both panting and gasping for breath, resting your foreheads together. 

“You’re going to need to up your game if you’re going to surpass your girl with the Assembly, Riorson.” You tease him. 

He smiles brightly before replying. “No need. I’m more than fine backing up my girl and standing by her side.”

[captainsophiestark]

Did I Forget to Mention?

Klaus Mikaelson x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for Fictober 2024!

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries/The Originals

Day Twelve Prompt: "Did you hear that?"

Summary: Nik's SO *might* have forgotten to tell their Mystic Falls friends about their relationship with a certain hybrid. But it's not going to stay secret for much longer.

Word Count: 2,381

Category: Fluff, little bit of Angst

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

"Okay, I'm calling it! Semesters suck, I'd give anything to be on a quarter system if it meant not having homework on spring break."

My friends laughed, even as I groaned and collapsed back into the couch. I got one week to take a break from school, and a small window to reunite with my friends back in Mystic Falls who'd all gone to Whitmore. We were supposed to spend the whole week having fun starting tomorrow morning, but they'd surprised me by showing up at my house tonight to get the party started early. Unfortunately, a few of my classes had given me homework, and I couldn't give in to spring break until I took care of it.

"I have a feeling you're gonna be singing a different tune in May when you're out of class and we've all still got another month left," said Bonnie with a smile.

"You're just lucky we want to enjoy the break with you," Elena added. "Otherwise we'd be getting payback for you showing up to campus during finals week to 'relax and tan'."

"Hey! I also showed up as moral support, thank you very much!"

"How was that morally supportive?" asked Caroline.

"I brought you coffees! And I was exemplifying the light at the end of the tunnel for you guys, when you finished your tests and could join me in summer fun!"

"Oh! Okay, of course," said Caroline in a tone that I knew should make me concerned. "I forgot, you're right. We'll go make some drinks and leave you to finish this, maybe play some music, so we can model that spring break fun, light at the end of the tunnel for you."

"No," I whined, flopping back onto the couch again. "Point taken, and I'm sorry. Just please don't leave me to this homework alone."

"We won't," Elena reassured me, reaching out to rest her hand on my arm. "But... the three of us might make drinks anyway."

I groaned, grabbing a pillow and burying my face in it. Finally, I sighed, sitting upright again.

"Fine. You know where all the stuff is. Just... try not to get so buzzed you tell me to edit a bunch of ridiculous stuff into my paper, okay?"

"No promises!" chirped Caroline as my three friends all stood. I sighed, but before they could get any further out of the room, a loud thud came from the direction of the kitchen.

All three of us froze in our tracks. We'd spent way too much time dealing with supernatural headaches not to go on high alert after something like that.

"Did you hear that?" hissed Caroline. We all nodded, so I gestured for the four of us to head towards the kichen and check it out.

If it was a vampire, it had to be one who'd already been invited in. If it was a different kind of supernatural creature, between the four of us, we should probably be able to handle it. Still, it never hurt to be cautious. Surprises happened all the time, and they could be deadly.

We took up positions just outside the kitchen, then Caroline counted us down with her fingers. When she dropped the last one, all four of us whirled around the corner, ready for action.

I stopped dead at the sight of Klaus Mikaelson hovering by my kitchen island, my heart dropping in my chest. Caroline and Elena both looked ready for a fight, but Bonnie beat them both to it. She raised her hand, and Nik dropped to the ground, holding his head.

"Stop!" I cried, rushing forward and yanking Bonnie's hand down. She stared at me, shocked, outraged, and confused, but to my relief I saw Nik stand up out of the corner of my eye.

Silence settled over the kitchen. Every single person was looking at me, my friends all with incredulous looks and scowls, Nik with a faint smile. For my part, I actually found myself wishing I could go back to my classwork. Just as long as I could be anywhere but here.

Unfortunately, I didn't get my wish. Nik took a deep breath in, and I knew if I didn't speak quickly, he'd take over the explanations for me. As bad as this situation was, I knew that would only make it worse.

I'd been invovled in the Mikaelson drama with the rest of my friends while they'd been living in Mystic Falls, but once they left, I hadn't really given them much more thought.

That is, until I ended up going to college in New Orleans. Klaus and I had run into each other at an art exhibit, and it functioned as a kind of neutral territory. We were both pretty opinionated, and we'd ended up spending the most of the day together, first talking about the exhibit but quickly moving on to other topics, too. We'd had a strange kind of reconnection, although we hadn't really been connected in the first place, and within a few weeks he'd asked me on a date and I'd said yes. We'd been dating since that freshman fall, and recently, I'd caught myself thinking the word love more than once. But I'd been serioiusly, seriously putting off telling my friends back home.

I'd managed to dodge telling them for two whole school breaks now. But apparently, with spring break, my luck was finally running out.

"Alright," I started, holding up my hands before Nik could jump in. "So... Nik and I have been... together... for a while now. We ran into each other again in New Orleans and just kind of hit it off. I didn't want to tell you guys becuase, well... I didn't think you'd take it well."

No one said anything for a moment, like my words were on a slight time delay. Then, all three of my friends started shouting at once.

"Are you kidding me?"

"What were you thinking?"

"Out of every single person in New Orleans, in the world, why the hell did you pick him?"

Nik stepped up beside me as all three of my friends had their reactions. Honestly, I couldn't blame them. It was a justified reaction, especially after how seriously they'd been blindsided. Nik didn't seem the least bit phased as he wrapped an arm around my waist.

"I'm sorry, love," he muttered into my ear. "I didn't realize your little friends were over."

I just sighed. "It's not your fault, Nik. I should've told them a long time ago. Don't worry, they'll be fine."

As one, our attention returned to my friends, who were now glaring at the two of us. I grimaced, but Nik seemed to enjoy the negative attention. He grinned and pulled me in closer to his side.

Bonnie looked on the verge of using magic again, and Caroline seemed about two seconds away from charging Nik to start a fist fight, so I gave his shoulder a squeeze and gently stepped away from him.

"Guys... I'm sorry. I should've told you a long time ago, and I shouldn't have put you in a situation to find out like this."

"Or, how about you shouldn't be dating the guy who tried to kill us all in the first place!" Caroline shouted, unable to contain herself anymore. I grimaced, but didn't step any further away from Nik.

"That's... a fair reaction. But seriously, I'm happy. Happier than I've ever been. And it's not like he's trying to kill any of us anymore-"

"At least not right now," chorused Nik and Bonnie in sync, with two very different tones to their words. Bonnie fixed him with a fierce glare, and I winced.

"Okay, maybe we should all sit down and talk," I said. "Or the four of us can talk, and I can ask Nik to come back later-"

"No way," said Caroline, raising her hands and taking a few steps back as she shook her head. "If he's staying, I'm not."

"Caroline-"

"I need a walk."

With that, she turned and vamp sped out of the house. With a look at me, Elena followed her. Bonnie started drifting in that direction, too, but she paused first, with a scowl at Nik before giving me a slightly less hostile look.

"I'm glad you're happy. Really, I am. But you might want to consider the cost that happiness is coming with."

With that, she turned on her heel and walked out of the room. I sighed the minute she was out of sight, slouching against the corner and sighing. That could've gone much, much better.

"They took that better than expected," mused Nik from beside me. I groaned, and I heard him huff a laugh.

When I straightened up and met his eyes, however, I noticed the slightly guarded expression behind his eyes. It had taken a lot of work to get good at reading Nik, and I still couldn't do it with 100% accuracy. But even so, I knew he wasn't nearly as calm and unaffected as he looked right now.

I sighed. My friends weren't the only people I needed to have a serious conversation with.

"Nik..." I started, taking his hand and settling into one of the stools at the kitchen counter. I pulled him onto the one next to mine, scooting closer until our knees were pressed together and I could keep him close for this conversation. "I'm sorry. I should've told them a long, long time ago. And I want you to know... I didn't tell them because I didn't want to deal with the reaction I knew they'd have. Not because of anything to do with you."

Nik's eyes flickered, scanning my face. I gave his hand a squeeze, but I could tell we weren't out of the woods yet.

"Isn't their reaction everything to do with me?" he asked, his voice low and serious. I recognized the edged glint in his eye as something that usually spelled trouble. I sighed.

"Their reaction is because they don't like you, yes. But my decision not to tell them had nothing to do with you. I would've been just as hesitant to tell them I was dating a guy they didn't like in our class at Mystic Falls. But with you... I should've told them earlier."

"And why's that? You wish they hadn't found me in your kitchen? Wish you could've told them while I was a few states away, so no one would have to face the reality of the two of us being together?"

"No, Nik. I mean, yes, I wish they'd found out differently than this. But I should've told them earlier because... because I have serious feelings for you. And they're serious enough that I don't want to hide them or you. Ever."

Nik raised his eyebrows, the corner of his mouth lifting up in the faintest hint of a smile. I smiled too, recognizing the shift in his mood.

"And what, exactly, might these 'serious feelings' be?"

His tone was mostly teasing, but I decided to take it seriously. I took his other hand, then pulled both into my lap, holding them tight. I met his eyes, making sure he understood just how much I meant my words.

"I love you, Nik. I've been feeling that way for a while now. I'm honestly happier than I've ever been, and you're a big part of that. I love my friends, and I know they'll come around eventually, but until they do? That's their problem. You mean the world to me, and... I mean, yeah, like I said. I love you."

A smile had been growing on Nik's face, and by the time I finished, it was a full-on grin that I only got to see from him every once in a while. He pulled me closer, off of my stool until I stood between his legs, chest to chest with him.

"You love me, do you?"

"Yeah." I nodded, my heart beating out of my chest in my rib cage. I felt pretty confident that Nik returned my feelings, but that didn't take away any of the nerves. "Can't you tell? You're supposed to be able to hear heart rates, aren't you?"

Nik chuckled, pulling me even closer to him for a kiss. I melted against him, happy to feel him smiling against my mouth as his arms wound around my waist. After a few breathless moments, Nik pulled back just enough to speak.

"I love you too," he said, his voice low and his breath fanning against my lips. "Don't worry for a moment that I don't. I would do anything for you. And it's a bit ridiculous how much I mean that."

I smiled, closing the distance between us again as I kissed him.

"I'm glad you came to visit me," I whispered when we paused just long enough to take a breath. "I'm glad my friends know. I'm glad you're here with me. I'm glad you know I love you."

"I agree with all of the above," Nik said with a smirk. "And I'm glad your friends are gone, and that we have the house to ourselves."

Nik leaned forward to deepen the kiss, but I leaned back. I put one hand on his chest and grimaced. He raised an eyebrow.

"Is there a problem, love?"

"...I may or may not have a paper to finish. Tonight."

"Are you sure it has to be done tonight?" asked Nik, his voice low and silky smooth as he ran a hand over my hip. I just sighed.

"Yeah, babe, I'm sure. But... if you can help me get it done, then I'm all yours for the rest of the night."

Nik pulled back quickly, looking at me with one eyebrow raised and an eager expression on his face. I put a hand to my mouth to stifle a smile at his 180 degree mood shift.

"Well then, what are we waiting for? Let's get that paper finished, love. I've got quite a few ideas for tonight."

I just laughed as I followed Nik into the living room. I had a feeling we were in for a rough ride the rest of this spring break dealing with my friends. But I really did love Nik. I was happy with him, and if we could find a way to stay together in our own little bubble of bliss despite the crazy supernatural shenanigans in New Orleans, I knew we'd be able to figure it out in Mystic Falls, too.

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen

TVD/TO Taglist: @elenavampire21

[niningtori]

violets are blue: a hanahaki au | oneshot

pairing(s): choi beomgyu x you, choi yeonjun x you

summary: you love beomgyu, your best friend, so much it makes you sick. literally. like, sick in the sense that your days are numbered as you try to fight off the hanahaki threatening to kill you every time he breaks your heart with his loving girlfriend, so you decide you'll try getting over him with the help of his girlfriend's friend, yeonjun.

genre: ANGST, melodrama, romance, hanahaki

warnings: lots of clichés, serious illnesses, and mentions of death

word count: 5.2k

notes: surprise! i didn't think i'd get this out just yet but here it is <3 please don't be mean (i'm fragile) and feedback is always appreciated!

it’s a bearable sort of pain, but it’s still painful, nonetheless. bearable is a very loose term, too, because you know if and when things continue as they are, you will no longer be able to write your symptoms off so casually. and as you lean over beomgyu’s toilet and watch purple petals stained with crimson red blood swirling down the drain, you know it won’t be long before your pain crosses from “bearable” to “hellish”. 

still, you manage to flush the evidence of your dying heart and take a good look at yourself in the mirror. your lips are nice and bloody, your makeup nice and smudged. you calmly take out the emergency mouthwash and makeup from your bag and get to work. after you’re finished tidying up, it’s almost like nothing ever happened. with a shaky smile and slightly reddened eyes, you leave his bathroom and prepare for the worst.

and the worst, it is. you just so happen to walk in to beomgyu’s living room while he plants a kiss on his girlfriend’s cheek as she giggles like mad. suddenly, your chest hurts even more than it already did and you find it hard to breathe. well, back to the bathroom you go.

-

you wish it were like the stories. you wish you could get some magical surgery to remove the flowers from your lungs — yes, even if it meant forgetting beomgyu. if you were a better person, you would say you’d rather die with your love than forget him; but as you’ve come to find out, you guess you’re not that selfless. actually, with the way things are now, you think it’d be better to forget. but unfortunately for you, there is no such solution in this world. 

as it stands, the only way for you to cure your illness is by finding another love, which you have been too stubborn to try, but as you die a little more and more every day, you realize you have to do something. beomgyu is getting more serious with his girlfriend with every passing day, and even before that, he never once looked at you like anything other than a best friend — which you thought was killing you at the time, in a figurative sense, but now it’s killing you in the most literal of ways and you’re desperate. 

you want to tell yourself that beomgyu needs you, and maybe he does, but he does not need your love the way you need his. the proof of this sentiment being that one of you is, at present, dying for the love of the other, and it’s not him. 

-

it’s hard to hate beomgyu’s girlfriend when she’s so fucking nice, so you stopped trying to hate her long, long ago. in another life, you might even call each other friends. in this one, though, it’s a quiet sort of dance where you neither push nor pull her too hard. if she’s there, you greet her with a smile on your face. if she’s not, you don’t ask about her. it’s a delicate little charade, but one you play the part in flawlessly. beomgyu commends you for being “so cool” with her, but you have no other choice. if you veer too much in one direction or the other, you run the risk of losing him for good. 

so she is, understandably, very surprised when you wait for beomgyu to go to the bathroom before asking her if she has any single friends.

“oh my god, really? i thought you'd never ask!” she exclaims, and you paste on a smile so sweet it’s sickening.

turns out, she has a lot of friends, unlike you, and many of them are, in her words, handsome. she pulls up a picture of a few of them and your eye is caught by one in particular. 

“who’s that one?” you ask, pointing to a black-haired boy with an undercut. 

“that’s yeonjun,” she grins. “oh, i just knew you’d like him. you’re totally his type, too. he’s gonna freak when i set you two up.” 

“what’s going on?” beomgyu cuts, and your short-lived giddiness is shot in the head almost instantly.

“baby, you’ll never believe it. she’s interested in yeonjun,” she declares, still as excited as ever.

beomgyu turns to you with a look you can only describe as odd. you never talk about dating with him. like, ever. you don’t even seem interested in the idea to the point where he very earnestly sat you down one day and asked you if you were asexual, to which you spent a very arduous few hours awkwardly explaining that you are not. honestly? he didn’t really believe it at the time, but he’s beginning to now, if only because you seem so incredibly flustered at the moment. 

“really? that’s great,” he says after a slightly off-putting pause, but thankfully, nobody catches it. “you know, for a second there, i thought you were gonna be our future kids’ single wine aunt forever. i’m glad you’re finally putting yourself out there.” god, he doesn't even know how much he hurts you, but he hurts you all the same. he’s spoken about marrying and having children with her, but to think that you fall into the “fun aunt” role in his future with her just makes you feel sick. you’d better pray that this shit with yeonjun goes well, because your lungs are starting to ache just as the thought.

“this is great,” she says, breaking you out of your trance. “how about this: we’ll go on a double date. that sounds fun, right?” 

“actually, i think i’d like to meet him on my own first, if that’s cool with you,” you say. the last thing you need is for the love of your life to be there on your first date with another man. what if things go wrong? or worse, what if things go right? beomgyu can’t be there for that. you can’t do that to poor yeonjun.

she looks disappointed at your words, but beomgyu cheers her up by pinching her cheeks and promising that you’ll all have plenty of chances to go out together if things go well. you try to smile, you really do, but you’re not sure if what comes out looks anything even remotely close to one. luckily, it seems like they’re too absorbed in each other to notice.

-

you haven’t talked much with yeonjun before tonight, opting to meet him in person to see if the chemistry is there before wasting any time with just “talking”. you simply don’t have the time to spare, and yeonjun seems equally as eager to meet you for reasons unknown. so now you sit all dolled up and glammed out at the back of a dimly lit restaurant as you wait to meet the boy you can only pray will save you. he must have no idea how much you need this. 

when you first see him, you’re taken aback by how handsome he is. you see beomgyu every day, and he’s the handsomest man in the world to you, but something about yeonjun is different. when he introduces himself and you get to know each other, his charisma charms you in a way you sincerely did not anticipate. he’s funny and goofy, which is just how you like them. you haven’t been on a date in god knows how long, but you’re starting to think that maybe this previously incomprehensibly doomed situation may not be so inescapable after all. that is, until he’s taking you home.

it’s dark outside and he graciously gives you his jacket like the gentleman he is, and you’re walking notably close together on the sidewalk, bodies brushing each other every few steps when he tells you something that just might change your life.

“listen, i really had fun tonight,” he says nervously, and it’s like you can feel the rejection before he even says anything more.

“but to be honest with you, my intentions aren’t exactly pure.” your heart drops. does he just want to sleep with you or something? that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, but it’s not what you need. you need to love someone and for that someone to love you back so you don’t get sick beyond salvation. the only way to get over beomgyu is by getting serious with someone else.

“then what do you want?” you question feebly. he stops walking and turns to look at you, placing his hands on your shoulders.

“i want to fall in love with you, and i want you to fall in love with me. i want us to be together forever. i need it, actually.” he says eerily seriously, and you’re confused for a few moments before it dawns on you. 

“you’re sick, aren’t you?” you ask, and his face hardens for a second before he nods.

“y-yeah, i'm sick. if you don't wanna see me again after this, i understand. i just —”

“it's okay. i am, too,” you say with a small, reassuring smile.

“you too?” he asks, eyes comically wide and pouty lips agape in an “o”. 

“yeah,” you tell him, and he’s quiet for a few moments before he laughs. it’s a cute, pretty little thing, and it makes you join him, too. 

“wow, maybe meeting each other was fate,” he says between giggles.

“maybe,” you reply. and for the first time in a long time, you think you might really make it out of this alive.

-

“and you won’t believe it, but he told me he spent the whole night with her!” beomgyu’s girlfriend says proudly. 

“... what?” he mumbles dazedly. 

“he said he went over to her place and stayed there all night, and on the first date, too!” she babbles. “now, he didn’t tell me what they did, but if i know yeonjun, i bet they —” 

“stop,” he cuts in. he doesn’t know why, but he feels that if he hears one more word about it, something will feel horribly wrong. it already does feel wrong, in a way, but he can’t quite put his finger on why. 

“why? aren’t you happy for them?” she asks confusedly. 

“i… i am. it’s just weird, y’know? she’s like… like a sister to me. nobody wants to hear about their sister’s private life,” he reasons, and she nods in response.

“i guess that makes sense,” she says. “but still, i’m so happy for them. especially him. he’s actually had a rough time, lately. i don’t know why, but he’s been acting kinda weird with me, so i —” 

“you’re here!” beomgyu says as you walk through his front door. he’s been expecting you. since your first date with yeonjun, he’s been eagerly texting you about it. you haven’t responded much, but he’s been chalking it up to how busy you must be with your new, well, whatever yeonjun is to you. he’s excited when he thinks about how he’ll get to see how you two interact with each other tonight since his girlfriend suggested you all hang out together, but part of him feels off about this entire situation. what he told her was the truth: it is weird to see you with someone, but maybe he’s just not used to it. you’ve never been openly attracted to anyone before, so it’s brand new territory to navigate. 

you greet him with a soft smile and not much else, which strikes him as odd, but yeonjun trails in after you, and all other thoughts go out of the window. 

“hey, man! nice to see you. it’s been a while,” he says, and yeonjun reciprocates the same excitement, going in for a side hug. 

beomgyu’s girlfriend goes in for a hug, too, and yeonjun freezes for a bit, but it goes unnoticed by everyone besides you. you look at him with as much reassurance and understanding as you can muster, and he replies with a grateful, shaky smile.

honestly, you weren’t terribly surprised when he told you that the object of his affections was the very person who holds the heart of the object of yours. she’s a bubbly, lively kind of girl, and it’s easy to fall in love with someone like that. if anything, it just makes you think that maybe yeonjun was right when he said meeting each other was fate.

the night is pretty fun, all things considered, and you find yourself not wanting to die while spending time with the loving couple, but that’s only because yeonjun is sitting next to you. when something particularly devastating happens, you grab each other’s hands and squeeze like you’re the other’s only lifeline. in a way, you kind of are. without him, you’d be on a one-way train to certain death, and without you, he’d be the same. 

things are pretty light, though, until beomgyu says he has an announcement to make.

“we’re moving in together!” his girlfriend cheerily cuts in before he can do the honors, and that’s enough to make any hard-earned progress go out the window. you feel your stomach churn and you’re finding it hard to breathe. you look very visibly ill, and while yeonjun is not doing much better, you definitely take it a lot harder.

“that’s amazing! i’m happy for you guys!” yeonjun chirps. 

“yeah. sorry, i think i need to go to the bathroom,” you mumble, and yeonjun concernedly looks at you before you subtly shake your head. in that brief look, you have an entire conversation. he asks if you’re alright and if you need him to come with you to spill your guts out, and you tell him you’re not, but you’d rather go alone.

while his girlfriend may not catch it, beomgyu certainly does. that odd, silent conversation that only yeonjun and you seem privy to. the fact that you two seem to have a level of understanding with words unspoken makes him feel suffocated, and there’s an unknown sharpness in his chest. 

he tries to join back in on the banter, but he can’t shake the uncanny feeling he has, so he excuses himself and follows you to the bathroom. 

now, he knows this is really fucking weird to do, so he almost doesn’t do it, but the sound of you retching makes him abandon all consideration of right and wrong. he presses his ear to the door and hears hushed sobs in between hacks, and it makes his eyes widen in horror and concern. 

he’s not sure how much time passes, but he hears the heartbreaking sounds die out, and then he hears the water run and you clearing your throat. he takes the cue to stop pressing against the door, and before long, you step out of the bathroom while looking perfectly put together. you flinch almost imperceptibly when you catch him right outside the door. 

“are you alright?!” he exclaims, but you just nod and begin to push past him, murmuring something about being fine, but that you and yeonjun need to leave because something came up. he didn’t even know you could move so fast, and he finds that he’s borderline chasing you to the living room where his girlfriend and yeonjun look up in surprise at the scene before them.

“do we need to leave?” yeonjun asks carefully.

“yeah,” you say shortly, and you’re booking it out of the door and onto the porch before beomgyu grabs your arm and spins you around to face him. his girlfriend hesitantly follows yeonjun outside and watches the entire ordeal as puzzle pieces begin to fit together in her mind.

“are you alright?!” he repeats, and you just face him with a withering, humbling look.

“i’m okay. i just don’t feel good tonight, but i’ll be alright. congratulations on everything, i’m sorry i can’t stay to celebrate.” and normally that would be enough to throw him off of your scent, but beomgyu remembers your muffled cries, and he won’t be swayed so easily. 

“what’s wrong? no bullshit. just tell me,” he demands in a way that is uncharacteristically solemn, but you can’t answer that. the only way to get him to forget about you is for you to distract him with the person he loves most.

“but your girlfriend —” 

“don't even start. what’s wrong?” he, well, asks isn’t even really the world, is it? there’s no room for negotiation in his tone. 

“i… i’m sick,” is all you can really say. 

“sick how? sick like you need me to take you home?” and he doesn’t really believe his own implication that it’s something so easily fixable, but he has to try. 

“i’m… i’m really sick. sick like i’m dying, sick,” you manage to croak out, and it’s everything he feared and more.

“what’s wrong?! do you need to go to the hospital?!” he panics, and you feel an overwhelming sense of dread. this is what you wanted to avoid because he can’t help you. nobody can. 

“baby?” the soft voice of his girlfriend pipes up from behind you. his gaze is torn away from you for just a moment, but that’s enough to make you ache.

“not now!” he snaps before turning his attention back to you, but it’s too late. you feel the sharp stems scratching at your lungs, causing a scorching sort of pain you can’t even put into words. slowly, you begin to cough — choke, really — and beomgyu is helpless to watch as you clutch your chest and hack up a mess of bloodied, tangled flowers. his eyes widen as he takes in the blood seeping from the corners of your mouth. 

“who?” he asks shakily as you finish coughing up the last of the petals, and you know he’s asking who your unrequited love is, but you don’t reply. you can’t reply. 

“who is it?” he asks again with more edge to his voice, but you still can’t muster up the courage to answer him. you could lie like you usually do, but you’re so tired, you just can’t anymore.

“baby?” his girlfriend repeats.

“what?!” he snaps, unable to help himself from losing his temper as he turns to look at her.

“it’s… it’s you,” is all she says, and his scowl drops and morphs into incredulity and dread.

“that's impossible,” he whispers, but one look at you and your twisted expression is enough to erase all doubt. “m-me? listen, you know i love you, but i —” 

“it's alright,” you coax, trying to placate him. even in your darkest moments, you're still putting his feelings first, and the thought alone is suffocating him. “i know. i really, really do. you don’t have to explain it to me.” and your “comforting” smile would be more convincing if it weren't stained red. 

“but you’re sick! you —” 

“i’ll be alright,” you whisper, and he’s at a loss for words at how calm you seem to be. how can you be so resigned? he looks at you — really, truly looks at you — for the first time in god knows how long, and he finally notices how different you are. your frame is lighter, your cheeks are more pronounced, and there are violet bags underneath your bloodshot eyes. how could he have missed so many signs? you’re dying, no way around it, and he was so busy playing house with his girlfriend, he had no idea just how much you were — are — suffering. it’s unforgivable, but he can tell you’ve forgiven him, anyway. how long have you been forgiving him? since the start of his current relationship? or even before that? 

“we should go,” yeonjun cuts in tentatively. you just tearily nod, and before beomgyu can say anything more, you’re in yeonjun’s car and driving away.

-

he calls and texts for days on end, but you don’t respond. at some point, he resolves to come see you in person. the way you looked the last time he saw you haunts him viciously. he just has to see you. he just has to be sure.

but when he shows up at your doorstep, you just look exhausted and even worse for wear. you don’t greet him, even, you just sigh and walk back to your bedroom before plopping down into the bed and looking at him with a look he can only describe as unreadable. 

“i just h-had to make sure you’re okay,” he stammers.

“i’m okay,” you reply gently. “i just need some time.” 

“b-but maybe if i —” 

“it won’t work. the only way out of this is for you to love me back, or for me to get over you. yeonjun is helping me, so it’s going to be alright, i think.”

“what if i —” 

“you can’t make yourself love me, beomgyu,” you say softly, the slightest tinge of a reprimand in your voice. 

“i… i can try,” he whimpers.

“yes, but i don't want you to. you have a girlfriend,” you patiently reply, but your seemingly unshakable patience just makes him more desperate.

“then what do you want me to do? i’m killing you!” he exclaims, and you wince as a sharp pain strikes your temples at the noise. he notices your response, and he just wants to die from the guilt.

“i don’t want you to do anything. that’s why i didn’t tell you.” how could you not want him to do anything? how could you possibly ask that of him? 

“h-how can you say that? how can you just expect me to watch you die?” he whines, tears spilling down his cheeks as he looks to you for a perfect solution that will never come.

“i’m alright,” you tell him again, but the way you wheeze afterwards suggests otherwise.

he goes to grab you, maybe to pat your back or maybe to hold you, he’s not really sure, but you feebly put your hand up to stop him before he gets too close. it’s an innocent gesture in and of itself, yet it somehow feels like you just smacked him across the face. 

“don’t touch me,” you say, but it’s more like a plea than anything else. “it’ll just hurt me more.” with that, your words devolve into a coughing fit and all he can do is watch as splatters of blood and stems stain the tissue you cough into. he never, not in a million years, thought that his touch would hurt you. it’s supposed to soothe you like nothing else. you know, the way your touch soothes him.

“i think you should go,” you suggest after your coughing has died down. he can see the aftermath of his mere presence etched into the tired lines on your face, and he feels less like a person and more like the scum of the earth. 

-

“what are you thinking about?” a sweet voice says, effectively pulling him out of his reverie. beomgyu is currently supposed to be cooking dinner with his girlfriend, but he’s spending more time spacing out than actually cooking the noodles he’s meant to be stirring.

“n-nothing,” he sputters, but her knit eyebrows and frown let him know he has to elaborate. still, he pretends he doesn’t notice her silent urging and returns to his task. 

he can feel her stare on him as he watches the pot, and it’s not very long before she sighs and says her next words.

“you’re thinking about her, aren’t you?” 

“what? n-no! i just —” 

“yes, you are.” and her tone isn’t accusatory, but it’s filled with a sense of knowing. “it’s normal to think about her, you know? she’s dying and —” 

“don’t say that! why would you say that?! she’s not going to die!” he yells, slamming down the fork he was using to stir and turning to face her. he’s visibly shaking with rage — which makes no sense given that he knows, she knows, and even you know that her words are true. 

“she’s going to die,” she repeats. “you need to accept that.”

“how can you expect me to accept that?! you two just expect me to be okay with her fucking dying! well, i’m not!” he cries, tears streaming down his face as his words get louder and louder. 

“... i think you need to take some time to cool down. i’ll stay with my parents, so do what you need to do. when you’re ready, just call me, okay?” she says, and he only sobers up after he hears the front door slam shut.

-

beomgyu stays in an odd sort of purgatory. he’s constantly torn between contacting you and leaving you alone like you so obviously want. he tells himself that you’re his best friend, so of course he wants to see you and comfort you, but it feels much deeper than that. like there’s something unsolved and untouched that he just needs to dig a little deeper to figure out, but as for what that something is, he can’t seem to quite grasp. 

with this in mind, he never, not in a million years, anticipated that you’d be here on his doorstep. but here you are. you look even worse than before, somehow, which he is surprised by seeing as how things with yeonjun seem to be going well if yeonjun’s instagram updates of the both of you mean anything at all. he invites you in and offers you a seat, but you refuse. 

“come on, sit down. you must be tired,” he urges, but you wave your hand. 

“i don’t need to stay here long,” you dismiss, and it hurts his heart. “i just need one thing from you, and i’ll be out of here.”

“you need something from me? sure, anything! w-what is it?” and he sounds so hopeful, so earnest. maybe there’s a way to undo what he’s done. maybe he can help you after all. no matter what it is, he knows he can do it.

“... i need you to reject me,” is all you say, but the words ring in his ears. reject you? how can he reject you when it looks like a breeze could knock you over?

“b-but why?” he stammers, and you sigh.

“i finally figured it out. i just need to hear you tell me that you don’t love me, then i think i’ll be able to fully let you go for good.” usually, you’d have a soft smile on your face in order to comfort him, but your face is blank except for your eyes, which seem more desperate than anything he’s ever seen. but your words confuse him.

“let me go for good?” 

“yeah. i think if i can just hear you say it, i won’t need to see you anymore. i won’t ask for anything else, i just need to hear it from you,” you say determinedly. but he’s stuck on “i won’t need to see you anymore”. what could you possibly mean by that? 

“what do you mean you won't need to see me anymore?” he asks, voice devoid of any ill intent, but filled with genuine confusion.

“i mean, yeonjun doesn’t like me seeing you for obvious reasons, but i told him that i think i’ll be okay after this.” his confusion turns into dread. things that were a mystery to him suddenly make perfect sense.

“i can’t,” he chokes out, and you’re visibly stunned before anger explodes inside of you. 

“you can’t? what the fuck do you mean you can’t? why can’t you?!” you seethe. you’ve done everything for beomgyu, you even almost paid the ultimate price for him just so you wouldn’t have to make him uncomfortable with your feelings. you’re quite literally dying because of him, and he can’t offer up a meager sentence for you?

“i… i can’t say it. please don’t make me say it,” he pleads. “i’ll do anything else — anything, i swear to god!”

“beomgyu, there is nothing else. this is the only way. i’m not asking you for much, just say it, then i’ll be okay.” but he can’t do what you ask of him. not when he’s realized what he just realized. 

“b-but i… i do love you. i’m sorry, i just didn’t realize it until just now, but i do. a-and if you’ll have me, i —” smack! and his pathetic speech is stopped by your hand meeting his cheek. 

“you are so fucking selfish,” you spit, voice low, but vibrating with rage. “more selfish than i will ever be able to understand.” 

“w-what do you —” 

“beomgyu, you have a girlfriend. a girlfriend who loves you. what about her? huh?” you ask, and his previous momentum falters, but you’re not even finished yet. 

“and if she gets sick, are you gonna leave me and tell her you want her instead? you can’t do that, beomgyu. i won’t accept that. i won’t accept your love just because you feel sorry for me,” you declare, voice cracking as thick, hot tears roll down your cheeks. he’s still speechless, so you somehow find it in yourself to continue.

“i’m not doing this with you right now. call your girlfriend, tell her you’re sorry, and tell her she doesn’t have to worry about me anymore. and even if i’m gone, don’t you dare tell her what you told me today, okay?” and it’s not really an ask as much as a demand. 

“i can’t do that,” he whispers, and you’re not sure if the ache in your heart comes from the briars encircling it or from how pained he looks.

“i know i’m selfish. i know i’m a bastard. but seeing you with yeonjun, or worse, not seeing you at all? that’ll fucking kill me. i just can’t do it. i don’t want to hurt her, but i don’t want to lie to her. or you. or myself,” he says shakily.

“what are you saying?” you ask. this is not how you anticipated things would go. 

“i’m saying that if you leave me, i’ll be sick,” he says shakily. “j-just the thought of that makes me…” and it’s a surprise to the both of you when he coughs like crazy, and it’s to the horror to the both of you when a pretty, blood-stained violet petal escapes his mouth.

“oh god,” you whisper. “you can’t do this.”

“i can’t help it!” he exclaims. “i didn’t know before, but it’s true. i just didn’t realize it. i’m just — i’m just sorry i didn’t realize it.” 

“beomgyu, it’s going to kill her,” you say, dread evident in your tone.

“i know,” he says tearily. “but it’s you. it’s always been you. we can’t change it.” 

“i can’t do this to her. it’s wrong,” is all you can say. 

“i can’t live without you, and you can’t live without me,” he replies. “w-whatever happens, can we please just figure it out together? i don’t think i can handle another day without you. i think it might really kill me.” he pushes your hair off of your sweaty forehead, and you know as you feel your heart lighten that you have no choice. if not for you, then for him. whatever happens with his girlfriend, you will try your damndest to make sure she doesn't have the same fate as the two of you. 

“okay?” he asks. 

“o-okay,” you tell him, because what else is there to say? 

notes pt. 2: lorddd i know this ending will be polarizing but what can we do... it is what it is :(

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[tmwcs]

MIND GOING BRR AT THINKING ABOUT HOW SEX WITH HUMAN HEESEUNG AND IMMORTAL YN WENT,did she....act like a succubus or was as clueless as the mortal yn

And it went down exactly like this….

Warnings: Smuuuuuuuuuuuut central here. Y/n gets deceived, y/n is a bad girl, y/n gets it, heeleads swap y/n’s, alternate universe, mention of the word ‘r*pe*, devil baby eating people, unprotected smut, non-con/sub-con smut, heavy noncon smut vibes, time space continuum, time space travel, different worlds, kind of a marvel vs dc vibe. This is an aftermath from the Drabble “Somewhere in Time”.

You stood firm, crossing your arms while doing your best to remain ignorant. Knowing that this wouldn’t end well for you, you braced for impact, expecting for him to grab you from behind and twirl you around. There had been a handful of times that you and Helel had little arguments, but with him being the devil and ultimate powerful, many would deem it pointless to even try and throw a fit. Perhaps you were just too damn stubborn and prideful to submit, even knowing that the white flag would be waved in a moment….he always had his ways.

Facing the side of the mortal realm, you waited for the moment where he’d take you to bed by force. It would be a repeated act where you’re on the bed underneath him, taking in the rape as it slowly progresses to submission. As per usual, he’ll get you to the point where you’ll stop fighting, and beg for more until you can’t take it any longer, in which he’ll have you back to screaming for mercy. What a sicko. But, he IS the devil after all…and you’re married to him.

It all started after you returned home with him. You thought all would be well since a spark arose within you after Helel and his alternate souls rescued you and your own counterparts. For so many years since he’s taken you, you fought physically and emotionally against the idea of accepting his love. But your pride grew weak and you started to fall for him….no doubt it was a result of a disorder enforced by his own method. Anyone suppressed by a kind captor will eventually fall for them.

Upon the return to Hell from the most recent endeavor, you grew angry in seeing baby Helan sitting there, tearing the pieces of mortal flesh. You stood in total shock as the toddler tone of “mommy! Mommy!” Came out from those bloody lips. The red stain smeared his face and clothes as he sat there reaching up, closing and opening his fingers enthusiastically, waiting for you to pick him up. There were bits and pieces of limbs, fingers, organs and all sorts of fleshy parts you refused to look at. That innocent smile on your child’s face was a facade; behind it was pure malice and grotesque evil, enabled by his father.

“W-what-…!!” You stutter as you trembled, falling to your knees as your baby rushed over and hugged you. “Mommy! I missed you!”

Your eyes remained wide in horror while your hands stayed glued to the stone floor, you couldn’t think or react, not even to return the embrace of your own child.

Later that evening, you spoke to Helel about it begrudgingly.

“I thought we had an agreement that I don’t want Helan to do things like that.”

Helel scoffed as he finished sipping on his wine glass. A faint gulp slides down as he sides-eye you. Placing it down on the table, he reaches and began loosening his collard tie, smirking an adoring look over to you. “It was hardly an agreement. You mentioned your complaints and I listened.”

Here we go. This is the part that of which you hate. “Darling, he’s a growing boy…and not like the ones from where you originated. He needs flesh and blood in order to grow. Once he reaches a mature age he will be able to live without ever requiring the need for sustenance.”

You shook your head. “No…no I don’t like that. There has to be another way. I don’t want my baby to do monstrous things.”

He looks you over. “You? The Goddess of Hell—“

“HE’S MY BABY TOO!” You yelled, fierce anger in your eyes as you sphered them in his direction. His affectionate smile slowly starts to fade and his hand drops as he releases his tie. With a raise of a brow, his eyes wide and you knew, you crossed the line. A

He slowly walks over calmly, surprisingly. Whenever he was upset with you he’d immediately became forceful, teaching you a lesson while reiterating how much he loved you, and that it was all for your own good. But this time, he truly was pissed off. Not that you were justifying him, but a slight bit of you could understand his position. Your son is the offspring of the Devil after all, and the latter had just went through Heaven and Hell, visiting multiple worlds in gathering a league to save you and all versions of you. In his eyes, you were coming off as ungrateful.

His silence was more frightening than anything. He stood, watching as you tucked your chin and stared at the ground in shame. He peers down his outstanding height and just looks at you….sternly, with rage. What was more unusual was that he merely took a piece of your hair, and rubbed it together. He was being so tender and gentle, despite his eyes violating you through every hole in your body.

He sighs. “Bad girl.” Was all he barely whispers with a slight deep tone.

You shook as the shive stabbed your spine. You were going to get it this time.

“I-I—“ he cuts you off as he places a finger over your lips. “Shhhh…don’t fucking speak.”

You trembled. “Go to the bed, and stay there.”

You did as he demanded and tucked yourself away under the velvet bedding. He was being odd and handing this situation differently. God, it scared you so much.

He quietly leaves the room. You knew better than to try and follow or leave. The man has eyes and ears everywhere; it is Hell after all.

You were so scared that the fear took an emotional strain out of you, exhausting you. You drifted off to sleep immediately, unaware of what was coming.

………

“Geez, what is it now? Why are you here?”

“Ah—collecting the savoring morsels for your lovely girl, are we?”

“Isn’t there a lovely girl of your own that you should be feeding?”

“Precisely why I’m here.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

Helel grins as he converses with his identical alternate.

“Be truthful. You love her.”

“Duh.”

“You love her so much that you also adore ALL flavors of her…don’t you?”

……

Heeseung stares sternly at his Devil counterpart. “Is there a point to this?”

“I am saying, o’hostile college-pretty-boy, that you and I are same. We love and kill for our brides. We are the only ones that love and care for them…all of them.” Helel crosses his arms. “You’re not the type to share…but is it really sharing if it is…you? “

Heeseung’s eyes sparked in rage, yet the devil continued. “And don’t you…want to experience your pretty baby in a different light?”

His counterpart calmed down. There wasn’t any denying the fact that the moment he saw you…other versions of you, his mind went wild. For you, he lives and breathes; it was blissful to have you in his life…what could be better than to have multiple duplicates of his precious girl?

“If we do this, just know that I’m not going to be restricted by any means. If I’m fucking my girl, regardless if it’s an alternate variant of her, I’m going all in.”

Helel smirks. “Relatable.”

“I can take who’s next.” The cashier spoke as the two remained facing each other. Both flaring a deadly smile.

……………..

You woke up, still in bed. Helel didn’t come back? Was he really that angry? What was he doing? This was too terrifying to deal with. You can’t believe you were saying this but in a sense, you’d wish he’d just rape and fuck your brains out already. At least you’d find some pleasure and resolvement from it….but this…this sense of unknowing his intentions was too dangerous. He always says he’d love you too much but is there a line that even YOU cannot cross with the Devil?

The e door gently opens, and you hear the foot steps walk around the large platform bed frame. “Helel?”

“Mmhmm.”

He walks over, and doesn’t say anything more as he moves his fingers, signaling for you to crawl closer towards the edge of the bed. He had a soft smirk. It was strange, though. His aura seemed off-putting. Your senses could feel there was something different but you couldn’t put your finger on it. Abiding by his non-verbal signal, you crawl over on all fours and allowed those two fingers to caress your chin. “You’ve been a bad girl?”

He spoke in an inquired tone. You assumed it was him being antagonizing in his demeanor, since you recognized the signs of sexual tension rising. “Yes…I’ve been bad..” you softly responded. You knew what he wanted to hear. You knew that he intended to punish you.

“Well, let’s do something about that.” He sighs out, leaning down as he grips your jawline. His elegant attire of black satin and white chiffon just made him so classy and irresistible. He kisses you, and to your surprise it was warm and tender. “Take it off.” He whispers, staring into your eye with an aloof but soft expression.

You began shedding off your undergarments, leaving just the garter and thigh high, damask stockings in place. “Good. Now take mine off.”

You undress him, beginning with his tie. Once you got the undershirt unbuttoned, he slowly pushed your head down, dragging your cheek against his entire abdominal muscles. You took the hint and undid his trousers, reaching to release his throbbing muscle; and it was throbbing. It was breathing to you.

“Put that bad little mouth on it.”

His voice was smooth and airy. Deep and dark. God, this man was so fine. Why the hell did you yell at him in the first place?

You lavished his cock with your saliva. Smoothing the moisture up and down, you dragged your tongue and traced every bit of vein and inch of it. He grits his teeth, enjoying this so much more than you expected. He slaps his hands on your arms as he flings you on your back. You yelped from the sudden change of motion as the level of force you recognized started to appear. Here it is…here is what you were both, dreading and looking forward to.

“H-Helel…” you whispered. “Wrong name baby.” He responded back as he kisses you, shoving his hand in between your thighs. You gasped out into his mouth. “Heeseung! Heeseung!”

It wasn’t odd to you, after all he went by both his original title and the name he adopted, the one that his brothers often called him by. Normally, however, during his deliverance of his punishments, he’d force you to call him Helel. But it seems he may have cooled off and wasn’t as angry anymore.

“Heeseung!” You gasped as he ravished your breasts with his tongue. This was all enough to get you ovulating, you swore to yourself.

“Come here…bad girl.”

You nod as he started to incorporate more force, aggression, and roughness as he lines himself to your center, all while placing one thigh on his hip as the other rested against his bicep, extending the leg up and over his shoulder. You were left wide open for him to take you…

He slides in, slowly. Sloooooooowly.

“Ah!! Heeseung!” You yell, gasping for air as your pants increases. He makes you watch as he continues to go in…slowly. When he finally was all in, he grinds his balls against your taint as he leans forward and fully hovers above you. “Let’s fuck the bad out and full you with some goodness.”

You furrow your brows in worry as you await for the ultimate pounding to occur. Fuck he is going to ruin you.

He slides out, the relief of the tight fullness dissipates as he gets all but the tip out, when suddenly….

“AHHH!!! FFFFUCK!!! SSSSTOP!!”

You can’t recall him ever going this brutal, it was as if he was starving for you. The only time you ever felt him this needy was when he took you for the first time. Thrusting, pounding, and reaching depths of your interior that was enough to make you drool and pass out, you lay mercilessly and took every bit of his thunder.

“Yeah? Fucking beg! Bad fucking girl, come on! Beg!” He grits out as the beads of sweat start to form on every inch of his smooth skin.

Screaming, crying, and panting, he gets you dumb-fucked until finally you reach that peak that took time to build up. Through all the pain and rough aggression, it finally pushed through and to his pleasure, you begged for him to keep going.

“Oh please! Please…don’t stop! Don’t stop! Don’t stop…fffffucking me!”

He smirks as he picks up the pace and goes faster. Your body bounces rigorously against the bedsheets as he slams into you. What a delightful scene it was to see you helplessly taking his cock and shifting in wild motion as he pumps you repeatedly. In fact, you were bouncing so much from the impact, he had to hold you by the neck to hold you steady as he enhanced momentum.

Gritting his teeth and flinging his head back, you watched as his naked body knelt before twitches while he releases. “Fuck!”

He pulsates and fills you, and for a moment the softness that came after had you thinking he was done…but he wasn’t.

The tightening of his grip around your neck said otherwise. His hips regain the thrusting motion, starting off slow and picking up pace. “Heeseung…no!” You gasp as the pleasure remained but the pain was starting to sting.

For who knows how long, he pelted you over and over again. Words in between of “let me enjoy this…” were harshly whispered into your ear as he changed positions and flipped you over, turn you onto your side, and even had you on top, while he still carried the rhythm and controlled the movements. Fucked left, right, up, and down, you realized that he was indeed punishing you as he went beyond in delivering overstimulation and pain.

By the time he released for the sixth or seventh time, you begged with barely any air in your lungs. “N-no more….p-ppplease….”

Your body was lifeless as he catches his breath. “Fuck that was better than I imagined.”

He quickly dresses, still somewhat sweaty which was surprising, considering he never really eluded such human traits. “I…I’m sssso-rry…sorry…”

You barely got it out of you but you managed to apologize, hoping that he would allow you to rest fully tonight. “Aw baby.” He whispers as he leans in and kisses you. His hand grabs hold of yours and he interlocks your fingers together as he massages the back of your palm. Breaking the kiss, he tells you…

“I’ll let him know. Wish I could stay, but I gotta get back to you.”

What?……

You didn’t have the energy to respond, but it suddenly clicked. The change in his aura, the sweat beads, and the way he ferociously fucked you with starved hunger in his eyes.

“H-Heeseung…” you gently spoke out as you recognized the figure from the incident. The one who belonged to the youngest version of your being. You watched as he smirked. “Wrong name baby.”

You looked him from the side as your hair is messily plastered to your face, and your body drained. You couldn’t even form the confused expression in your eye as he spoke his words. He smiled and there, you witnessed one inhuman trait among this man. His eyes darken, his grin becomes sinisterly devious as he bites down his bottom lip. “Be sure to name one of the kids after me. Little Ethan has a ring to it.”

He kisses you once more and takes his leave.

Moments later, he comes in…Helel. With an offensive smirk, he notes your exhausted body. You barely could move as you moaned, struggling to regain composure. Standing side the bed, you heard the disheveling spill of cloth as he sheds off his attire, piece by piece. You felt his hand grab you waist as he turns you fully over to your back as he crawls on top of you. Gently wiping the pieces of sweaty stands from your forehead, he admires your face as his fingers tap against your cheek and the corner of your lips.

Oh no….

“Now, let’s hear that apology, hm?” He smirks against your ear as he lines the tip to your worn and beaten entrance. “Let’s hear how sorry you REEEEEAALLY are.”

“Nnngh….nnmph!” You moaned as you struggled to gain a breath in, he’s pushing into you. Your legs begin to shiver and your spine jolts from the hypersensitivity levels that radiates from your core. “Now that I had some time to blow off some steam, I figure this is more than an appropriate time for you to show daddy how you’re going to make up for your mistake, hm? Let’s turn you back into a good girl again.”

The worst and best night of your entire afterlife. Two of the same men pile-driving you. So this is why he was so calm earlier…what a devious man he was. You knew you had already lost, and you were about to lose even more. Since that’s the case, you thought it be fitting to get a word in, knowing he wasn’t going to go easy, despite his demeanor.

“Ethan…”

“Pardon?” He widened his eyes as he lifts a stern brow. “N-next child….i brrrring in…name is…E-Ethan…”

He smirks. “Ah…Ethan. Right.” Kissing you, he pulls away as he pinches your chin. “If it’s a bunch of heathens you want, no problem. I can give you loads of them.” He snaps his fingers.

You saw them walk in. The sight put your breath on hold and caused your eyes to sting in despair as you watched each fine, nude form stand around the bed, stroking their cocks at the sight of you. “How about a godly descendant, a pair of twins, and a nations most wanted? Sounds like you’re eager to be a mommy again, and you know I aim to please you…darling.”

With a dark chuckle, he spoke as the others closed in.

“Let’s fuck her boys.”

No…NO! NOO!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

- Fin

Taglist: @enheene , aiden2001 , @heeseung-min , @lathan1510 , @rayofsunshineeee , @hoyeonheeseung , @rayofsunshineeee , @yohanabanana , @sunoosrightbuttcheek , @jaeneohee , @icydawon , @silcry , @iamliacamila , @nikstrange , @enheene ; @nuriicata , @en-happiness @lisaaannna @en-geneisaxx

[d34dlysinner]

Can you do one where Satan is fcking us in his demon form?👉👈?☺️

(Amazing. I assume you mean this with "his demon form"😭✨️🧎‍♀️)

"Wha-", was all you could say out of shock as you felt two unusually strong arms wrap around you.

"Satan?" You asked as you tried to turn your face towards him, but you stopped turning when you heard his deep voice get deeper: "I heard one of your little fantasies was something about a monster form. We should make that fantasy become reality." He said with a chuckle as you felt warm air being blown your direction.

The voice and the air was enough to make you shiver as you started thinking about his words.

"Monster form?...", you mumbled as you were turned around to see a big grey entity with a dangerous aura surrounding him holding you.

He stared down at you as his arms move to hold you tighter. "Are you ready?", he asked while chuckling at your stunned reaction. You could almost see his usual smug face he makes while always teasing you.

You nodded before challenging him. "I am ready, but are you?", you said looking up at him with a confident demeanor. He would burst out laughing as he always does when you make things interesting.

He lifted you up to kiss you deeply and you returned the gesture. You felt his long tongue intrude your mouth, fighting against yours. The passionate kiss turned into you softly biting his lip as a way to try and overpower him in the kiss. You could feel him smile in the kiss as his hands started to rip off your clothes, one of his hands hovering over the skin of your ass before giving it a spank. You gasped at the sudden impact resulting in you detaching from his lips, a string of saliva being the only thing that connected your lips. You felt him lick of the string before he moved down towards your neck, biting and sucking harshly on the skin, only pulling away from your neck to admire his work. He slowly pushed you towards the bed as he continued his work on your chest. You felt his hand roam towards your private area, teasing you by only grazing the skin down there.

You felt as if you would go insane if he continued this for a while longer so you tried to fight back by stimulating him. You grabbed his horns and started to slowly pump it, resulting in a low groan to be heard from him. "That's a cheap trick...", he says as he pulled away. He placed his fingers against your lips before pushing them into your mouth. You sucked around the fingers, swirling your tongue over them before he took them out of your mouth. You felt him place those fingers against your hole before he slowly pushed in, moving his fingers in and out. You felt every single digit move to different directions as he was preparing you to take his dick soon. You moaned softly, or you tried atleast, at the feeling of the big fingers moving inside of you until he started kissing you again. It felt as if he was devouring every moans you produced as he almost didn't allow you to breathe.

You panted as he pulled away for a second before capturing your lips again.

You felt dizzy at the stimulation and the lack of oxygen as your hands also started to travel too. You tried to wrap one hand around his dick, barely being able to make the tips of your fingers touch. You slowly pumped his dick, trying to match his rhythm. At times you'd tease him by softly tracing over the veins or the tip of his dick before you'd start pumping it again.

He noticed you slowly arching your back as you started to feel close to cumming, only to have the feeling disappear the moment he pulled his fingers out. You whimpered in protest and reached your hand down, trying to finish what he started. He stopped you from doing that by holding your wrists down. He eventually pulled away from your lips and hand before lining himself up with your hole. "Seeing how you're so desperate to cum I'll just make it easy for you.", he said in a teasing tone as he pushed his tip against your hole. You moved against his dick asking him to push into you. He chuckled his hand letting go of your wrists to hold your legs. He pushed your legs towards your chest and pushed in slowly. You gasped at the size as you started to feel full. "I'm not fully in... stay relaxed.", he groaned as he felt you tense up. The feeling of your tight hole making him dig his nails into your legs as a loud moan left his lips. He continued to try and push in the rest of his length without hurting you too much. You felt his balls press against you for a second before he started to thrust into you softly. You moaned softly as you felt his pace quicken resulting you to become louder with every thrust.

The bed started to creak softly. He bends down, pushing you into a mating press. His claws gripping the mattress beside your head.

You'd hear him growl softly with every thrust as he kept his pace steady. He stared down at you as if he's observing you. You started to feel close again only to be teased again by him pulling out as rubbing his dick against your leg. You started to tear up at being denied from cumming.

"Don't stop-...", you say as you tried to rub against him. He chuckled as he kept you down as he rubbed against your hole again.

You were so close at release that you started asking him 'nicely' "Can you continue?... I want to finish. Satan-", you asked as you felt him continuing to tease him. He kept silent and looked at you as if he was trying to mock you for being so well behaved. It started to annoy you.

You tried fighting against his grip. Pushing your hands against the massive shoulders, but he didn't budge. You tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn't let you go. "Satan. Continue." You started to demand in annoyance, but he only chuckled as a response. You glared up at him as you spankee him to try and get another reaction out of him. He just smiled as if he was watching a good show unfold before him.

"Satan you don't continue I'll Agh-", you were interrupted by him pushing himself in again this time thrusting harshly with an insane smile on his face. "You're cute when you're angry.", he said laughing.

He watched you frown up at him as he continued pushing in and out of you. The sound of his balls slapping against your skin almost echoing in the room. You felt close again and tried to wrap your legs around his waist, not wanting him to escape again.

He was still smiling down at you and you started to become suspicious. "Don't you dare pull out again.", you said to which he responded with: "I'm not going to."

You looked at him in confusion at the way he said those words, that's when you felt something else filling you up. You came soon after and gasped at the sensation as your legs tried to close. "That's not going to happen... are you ready to take all of me?", he says playfully, but you could notice that he was being serious about his words.

You trembled when he slowly started to thrust again. "Are you ready to take all of me?", he asked again sounding demanding for a proper answer.

"Yes-", was all you could mutter before he started plowing into you harshly again.

He chuckled at your shock which was accompanied with a loud moan. Your mind started going hazy with pleasure as you tried to pull him down again for another heated kiss.

"Greedy for more?", he teased before he returned your kiss.

[wordsarelife]

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞: 𝐦𝐲 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞

pairing: theo nott x fem!reader

summary: you agree to theo’s ask, on your on terms, and the tension continues to rise

warnings: height difference mentioned, i have zero idea how to play a guitar or how hard certain songs are to play so just act like anything i say is the truth haha

notes: i really love them so much! i haven’t been inspired by writing in such a long time! i hope you like it as much as i do!!

previous part | masterlist | next part

you had wiped away the tears as soon as you had walked out of the hospital, straightening your back and thinking about which direction would be smarter to walk in.

you would come home no matter what, this small town was basically a circle, it was just the question of which way would be faster. you weren't keen on walking longer than necessary.

"forgot the way home?" a voice beside you made your head turn.

"what do you want?" you asked annoyed as you saw theo walk closer to you "i'm leaving, okay? you don't have to try to get rid of me anymore"

"pixie, i didn't mean it like that" he sighed and tried to touch your arm, but you turned your body away from him.

"i know exactly how you meant that" you protested "and i don't know what you still want now. you won, okay? you won ages ago, but you're the one who always picks a fight"

"pixie" theo muttered and you could hear the regret in his voice.

"don't call me that"

"y/n" he said and you looked up in surprise. you couldn't remember when your name had last left his mouth. "i'm sorry"

you raised your eyebrows. "you're sorry?" you repeated, almost laughing. "i don't think i ever heard you say that before"

you wanted to go home, so you just decided on a random direction and started walking, to your luck, theo was following you.

"okay, get to the point, nott" you demanded "what do you want from me?"

theo sighed once again, understanding that there was no way he could trick you into agreeing, he just had to ask. "i need your help, i mean, we need your help"

"you need my help?" you repeated skeptically. "is that one of your awful pranks again?"

"no" theo shook his head. "i promise it's not"

"okay, then lets hear what you need"

"enzo can't play the concert"

"i know as much"

"yeah, sorry" theo brushed a hand through his hair, unsure how he should ask you.

"there is that word again" you pointed a finger to his face. he gently pushed your hand away. "i could get used to this"

"yeah, don't flatter yourself" theo mumbled aggravated.

"there he is" you laughed sarcastically.

"we need a guitarist" theo came straight to the point "april says you play.." he paused, unsure how to finish his sentence "good"

"you want me to play guitar for you?"

"not for me" theo tried to rephrase it "for the band, the boys"

"why should i do that?"

"i know you hate me, pixie. but you don't hate them, do you?" he almost sounded like he was pleading.

"thanks to you i'm not really friends with them anymore, theo" you remarked bitterly "they were my friends just as much as yours and they still sided with you"

"it's my fault, okay?" theo said helplessly "is it that what you want to hear? that i was childish enough to poison your relationships?"

"that's just it, theo" you shook your head "i don't want to hear anything from you anymore, but you keep on talking, keep on writing songs. why can't you let go of things?"

"you know i need to write to cope"

"yeah, i know" you nodded your head "but anytime i hear one of your stupid songs it physically hurts. you might be able to cope through your writing, but i will never be able to do that"

"it's one song, pixie" theo rolled his eyes.

"so you admit that you wrote pixie dream girl about me?"

"that's not the point" theo argued.

"oh, yes it is" you laughed, while you quickened your steps, so theo had it harder to keep up with you, even if he was taller.

"okay, fine" theo sighed "pixie dream girl is about you"

"i know" you smiled "what about daddy issues?"

theo send you a painful look, almost as if you were torturing him with your question.

"do you want me to play guitar or not?"

"daddy issues is about you too" he finally muttered.

"thank you. now, was that so hard?"

theo send you a look. “will you help us?”

"i'll think about it" you patted theo's shoulder, before you continued walking away. he thankfully caught the hint and stayed where he was.

"not too long" he called behind you and you just raised your hand, showing him your middle finger.

✦•〰〰〰〰〰★🎸☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★〰〰〰〰〰〰•✦

theo ran into april when he walked back to enzo's room.

"you're leaving already?" he asked surprised.

"yeah" april shrugged "i want to look after y/n and enzo's coming out this evening, i'll come back to his then"

"okay"

"what did she say?"

"she'll think about it"

"she didn't say no?" april wondered and theo shook his head "huh, i thought she would, after everything.." she shook her head, as if to get rid of that thought "you should feel lucky, theo"

"i do" he quickly nodded. "see you, april"

"bye, theo"

✦•〰〰〰〰〰★🎸☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★〰〰〰〰〰〰•✦

you were staring at the ceiling as the sudden sound of the door made you look up.

"hey" april smiled, as she closed your door behind her "your mum let me in"

"did she get up for once" you nodded with fake impress.

"y/n" april sighed and you could hear the pity in her voice.

"don't" you shook your head and effectively shut her up "how's enzo? how much longer does he have to stay in the hospital?"

"he's coming home tonight" she let herself fall on the chair in the corner of your room. "maybe you want to come and visit him with me later?"

"after everything that happened today? i'll pass, but thank you"

"enzo promised that it'll be just him and mattheo"

you sighed "i'll think about it"

"i really see no reason why you and the rest of the boys just can't stay friends, y/n"

"theo is the reason we can't" you noted "i think it's better for all of us if we keep a distance between us"

"that's gonna be hard if you play for his band"

you sighed deeply "you're in on this too?"

"actually it was enzo's and my idea" she admitted as she looked anywhere but you "you're the only one who is as good as him and you're able to play most of the notes"

"yeah" you sank back down "but i don't know if i really want to. i mean theo is still theo, he can try to be nice all he wants, but he will never get out of his skin"

"the rest of the boys will make sure that he behaves himself" april promised "mattheo told me himself"

"mattheo told me the same today and you know how it ended"

"sometimes you two are a real mystery to me" she muttered "you know each other so well, well enough to know which buttons to push. he can make you cry with only a few words, it's scary"

"you said it" you pointed your hand in her direction "he never knows when it's enough"

"and you do?" she laughed "you're just as bad as him. you should've seen the look in his eyes as soon as you left the room. it's like you both can't be with or without the other"

"i don't know what you're talking about" you shook your head.

"you always say that you just want him to stop speaking to you, but i can see how much you enjoy these discussions, even if you're just fighting. you missed him and this is the only way you can spend time with him"

"that's not true, april"

"yes it is, sweetheart" april said softly "why don't you just tell him that you miss being his friend? everything could just go back to normal, if just one of you makes the first step"

"it's not as easy" you argued "too much happened, things you don't know, things i can't speak about. it's too late to rekindle anything"

"y/n, if it's about le-"

"please just let it go"

"okay" she nodded, accepting your wish "but what are you going to do? will you help them?"

"yes" you nodded "i mean the rest of the boys didn't do anything, right? and i don't want to poision your and enzo's relationship before it even began"

april smiled while her cheeks turned bright red "i hate you" she laughed and you just shrugged, before you stood up from the bed and took the blog, writing a message for theo.

i'll do it. but only under certain conditions. mattheo will receive the list later

"happy?" you asked april, who was grinning from ear to ear.

"yes" she giggled "now let's sort out your conditions"

it didn't take you long to come up with the things that had to change for you to start helping them. april had, surprisingly, a few ideas herself, (april is allowed to watch the rehearsals), making your list three points long.

you accompanied her later to visit enzo, which was, admittedly, a bit unnecessary considering she had already visited him in the hospital, but it seemed like both her and enzo deemed it important for his survival.

luckily, april had been right. it had only been enzo and mattheo. they both were smiling widely as you told them that you would help. enzo promised you to be there for every rehearsal (let alone because april would be) to help you learn the songs the way he played them.

mattheo seemed to enjoy the way you were nicer to him when theo wasn't around. you had always liked him, he was easy to get along with, but the last year you had learned not to enjoy his teasing and joking personality. you apologized for the day before, realizing that you had been quite harsh and that he really thought you would find the song funny.

maybe you would’ve had, but a lot had changed and mattheo understood that you couldn't find humour in it right now.

they promised to show your list to the rest of the band and tell you in school how and when rehearsals would start.

april and you left after two hours and you could tell she was beaming. in her opinion, playing in the band meant that all of you would be friends again and the hope alone was enough for her.

✦•〰〰〰〰〰★🎸☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★〰〰〰〰〰〰•✦

"here it is" mattheo held the folded piece of paper in theo's direction.

"be honest, mate" theo said "is it manageable?"

"it is" enzo said. he was sitting on the stone wall in the middle of draco and blaise. mattheo was standing next to theo in front of them.

"okay" theo sighed, before he unfolded the paper. "y/n's conditions under which she will safe theo's petty little-" he held the paper in mattheo's direction "i'm not reading this"

mattheo giggled, before he cleared his throat as soon as theo send him a look. "y/n's conditions under which she will safe theo's petty little-"

"you can skip the beginning" theo interrupted "just get to the point"

"fine" mattheo rolled his eyes "rule one: april is allowed to watch the rehearsals"

"yeah, fine, whatever" theo nodded, while enzo was practically jumping up and down. "anyone has a problem with that?" the three other shook their heads and mattheo continued reading.

"rule two: theo is civil”

“can you do that?” enzo wanted to know and theo nodded reluctantly.

“okay and the final rule: we can’t play pixie dream girl”

“sounds alright” blaise shrugged.

“what do you say theo?” draco asked as he noticed the priors facial expression.

“we can’t do the third one” theo explained between clenched teeth.

“what?” enzo asked “why not?”

“when i talked to mr fraser on the phone i showed it to him and he made me promise that it’s one of the tracks we play”

“okay” mattheo shrugged “then you just call him and tell him that we can’t play it”

“he said it’s important that we play it because it’ll impress his boss. we got many streams on the song and it’ll make us stand out against the other bands”

“fuck” draco jumped from the stone wall. “can’t you find a way to play?”

“yeah” enzo shrugged "i'll just play with my feet, no problem, draco”

“let’s all calm down” blaise said, trying to diffuse the situation.

"it's seems important to her that we don't play the song" enzo remarked.

"yeah" mattheo muttered.

"okay, what if we just not tell her? i mean six weeks is a long time, maybe she'll say yes when we ask her later?" blaise suggested.

"that might not be the worst idea" mattheo nodded "maybe if we'll be able to be friends again, she might play the song"

"it's worth a try, right?" draco asked in theo's direction.

"i don't know" enzo shook his head "she will absolutely hate us when she finds out we lied to her. she'll feel betrayed"

"it's just a song" draco crossed his arms "what's her problem?"

"i am" theo shrugged "and the song reminds her of that. fuck" he groaned.

"what do we do, boss?" mattheo asked "do we lie to her? she might understand it once we tell her it was our only chance"

"i tell her we accept her rules" theo nodded as he gripped the paper from mattheo "not one word from any of you, you hear me? this is our only chance to get that stupid record deal and if it means to work with the enemy we will do that"

"the enemy" mattheo rolled his eyes "you're getting dramatic again, theodore"

"you know what i mean"

before anyone could agree to his terms, april and you walked up behind the boys.

"hey" april greeted and immediately stepped into the emptys space next to enzo where draco had sat.

"hi" you said, a lot less happy "how does it look?"

"we accept your rules" theo nodded "rehearsals are every tuesday, thursday and saturday at five. we have to rehearse a lot if we want that record deal"

"great" you nodded "how much time will we have on stage?"

"fourty-five minutes" theo answered "i'd say we try to rehearse all ten songs before we decide on those that we want to play"

"not including pixie dream girl, right?"

"right" he nodded.

"great" you smiled "then we have a deal" you held your hand in his direction, so you could finalize everything with a handshake.

"yes" theo nodded "do you have a guitar or do you need enzo's?"

"i have one" you nodded, before you excused yourself, so you would be on time for your first class of the day.

the next time that you saw all of them was during the first official rehearsal on saturday. you had spent the entire friday searching for old notes forba few of the songs that you still owned somewhere. theo had given you the missing ones when you had stood in front of his door in the evening and you had tried to play as much as possible and it was admittedly not working bad.

"hey" you greeted the boys when april and you walked into the garage. april slumped down on the couch next to enzo as if someone had held a gun in her direction and you looked between draco and blaise. "where should i stand?"

blaise directed you to the empty space next to the microphone stand.

"where are matt and theo?" april asked and you perked up. you would have rather died than asked yourself, but you were still wondering.

"they're on their way" draco answered "mattheo made a few cds to hand out to people and they are getting them right now"

"cool" april nodded impressed.

"you're only now making cds?" you asked surprised "isn't that like one of the first things bands normally do?”

"generally, yeah" enzo nodded "but in a time like this, most people only listen on streaming platforms so we never really saw the need for it"

"now that we're getting more known, it's more professional" blaise added.

"okay" you nodded "i get it"

"bonjourno" mattheo waved as soon as him and theo entered the room a few minutes later.

"french?" enzo wondered.

"that's italian, sweetheart" you could hear april mutter next to him. you giggled into your hand as you noticed the lovesick look enzo was now sending in her direction.

"you're so smart, april"

"are you ready?" theo asked you, once he took his stance behind the microphone.

"sure" you shrugged, before you took the guitar and plugged it in.

"we'll start with blood//water. the notes should be relatively easy to play"

theo counted and pointed in your direction as soon as it was time for the guitar part to set in. just shortly after, theo began singing. you of course had heard him sing before. you had listened to the songs, but you had never heard him so clear, so raw.

we'll never get free lamb to the slaughter what you gon' do when there's blood in the water? the price of your greed is your son and your daughter what you gon' do when there's blood in the water?

you switched your fingers, picking up the pace of the melody as soon as the pre-chorus set in again. mattheo was changing between playing the bass and clapping his hands. draco was making quick movements on the keyboard, changing the setting to let it make different sound effects and blaise was hitting the drums so hard, your ears almost blew off.

but despite all that you could only focus on theo and the sound of his voice. the way it looked so effortless and hard at the same time. as the pre-chorus ended and the chorus set in, he was full on screaming into the microphone, the veins on his neck showing the strength his voice was using.

i am the people, i am the storm i am the riot, i am the swarm when the last tree's fallen the animal can't hide money won't solve it what's your alibi? what's your alibi? what's your alibi?

when there's blood in the water

when the song ended, april began to clap. "that was amazing!" she complimented "blood//water is my favorite song on the album"

"thank you" mattheo smiled "you were really great, y/n"

"thanks" you nodded "i think this one is one of the easier chord compressions"

"the next song would be daddy issues" theo looked in your direction expectingly.

"do we have to play that one?" you asked "i mean it's so slow and you won't probably play it anyway"

"she has a point" mattheo shrugged.

"i think we should play all the songs" theo argued "so that we can change the setlist until the last minute"

"good point" blaise nodded.

"come on, guys" enzo, who saw the discomfort on your face added "y/n is right, it's way too slow"

"boss?" mattheo looked to theo.

"we should at least play it this once" you sighed as you noticed that theo wasn't going to budge.

"okay" mattheo nodded "you ready? i think the chords are quite easy for this one too"

you were looking straight across the room, but nodded at his words.

theo counted again and you started playing the chords on the paper in front of you. maybe this wasn't as bad as you thought. you would just have to concentrate and blend out theo as much as possible.

take you like a drug i taste you on my tongue

theo's voice almost made you shiver. you moved your fingers along the guitar.

and you might have to tell me again it's crazy what you'll do for a friend

you had listened to the song about a million times after it had come out, but now it was like you were hearing it for the first time. and the softness in theo's voice was going to break your heart, you were sure.

you didn't know if the rest of the boys knew the song was about. you were guessing that only enzo was slowly getting the idea, as he was the only one who had noticed how uncomfortable you had gotten once theo mentioned it.

you doubted that the others new. theo wasn't one to run around and tell everyone what the meaning behind his songs were. you were sure they knew only half the things theo knew and you were glad for that.

go ahead and cry, little girl nobody does it like you do i know how much it matters to you i know that you got daddy issues

you thought back to days in the backyard of your house. how theo came climbing up into the treehouse and would just sit next to you for hours.

when you felt brave you would cry in his lap, but sometimes you weren't able to and theo understood you in a way that no one else did.

he had brushed your hair aside, whispering about the future, wonderland, something that did not sound like it could be real, at least not to you.

he told stories about a world in which your dad was better. a world in which he loved you as much as you loved him, as much as he loved-

go ahead and cry, little boy you know that your daddy did too you know what your mama went through you gotta let it out soon, just let it out

maybe there had been a time where he hadn't planned to use that song against you. a time where he wanted to show it to you so it could console you and your pain. now it just felt like ammunition in an ongoing war.

you were still staring at the wall across from you as a few tears slipped over your cheeks.

and if you were my little girl i'd do whatever I could do i'd run away and hide with you i know that you got daddy issues

you took off the guitar as soon as the song had ended, breathing a shaky breath. "could we take a break?" you asked theo, who, if you weren't mistaken, looked a bit guilty now that he saw the look on your face.

"sure" mattheo answered, while theo continued to stare at you. "are you alright?" he touched your shoulder and it took everything in you not to start full on crying at the gentleness in his voice.

"let's sit down" draco sighed.

"do you want to see the cd?" mattheo smiled and you nodded as you quickly wiped over your eyes.

he held it in your direction and you smiled as you recognized the cover that they had used on spotify. "it looks amazing"

"turn it around" mattheo advised and you did as you were told.

your breath hitched as you saw the photo on the back.

theo cleared his throat at the lack of reaction from you "that's"

"leo" you finished "i know" your fingers gently moved over the boys back. you recognized the white shirt, the black trousers and the bracelet on his left arm. you were wearing a matching one.

"the photo is from last year" mattheo explained "from when theo and leo wrote most of the songs. i thought it would be the perfect one to show who we are"

"it is" you nodded "thank you" you looked up at mattheo and he gulped as he noticed the tears in your eyes. you held the cd in his direction before you stood up. "i need a breath of fresh air"

you walked out of the garage and sat down on the bench in front of the lake. you sat there for ten minutes before you decided it was time to return back inside. 

mattheo had told his friends to settle down and end the rehearsal for today, much to theo's dismay, who basically tried to kill you with his eyes when you came back inside. 

"i don't get why we have to stop" theo muttered "we only got through two songs. what got your knickers in a twist, huh?" he turned his head to look at you, but instead of rushing away, you returned his angry look. 

"you" you said with a roll of your eyes "the rule was to be civil and you're acting like an idiot, theodore" 

theo laughed at that and you were even more angry. 

"fuck you, mr rockstar" you held up your middle finger. 

"i'd love to see you try, miss stuck up" 

you looked at april betrayed when you heard her giggle. 

"even your friend agrees with me" your head snapped to the side. 

you stepped closer to the boy, until you were only a few centimeters apart. the others watched you with big eyes. "do you want to repeat that, darling?"

you could see theo gulp at the proximity, before he quickly caught himself and smirked down at you. "are you trying to kiss me, baby?" 

"no, but seems like you are thinking about kissing me, sweetheart"

mattheo sighed loudly and both you and theo turned your heads, only realizing now that you were the center of attention. 

"that was kinda hot" blaise muttered under his breath and was immediately elbowed by draco, who did not take his eyes off of theo and you. 

"shut up" theo said quickly and you had the sudden need to defend blaise, just because it would get a rise out of theo. 

"seems like your friend agrees with me" you crossed your arms and smiled provocatively "you totally have the hots for me" 

"i hate you"

"finally something we can agree on" you grinned, before you turned around and grabbed your bag. "bye" 

the rest of the group said goodbye while they were still astounished at how you had basically won a fight against theo. 

"oh shut up" theo said quickly, when you had left the room and blaise opened his mouth. 

taglist:

@7s3ven @madi-potter @shereadsandcries @getosbeloved @mischieftom @wolfstar-jpg @t00thfairy20 @chcrrysblog @aestramjackson @elina3011 @kr1nqu @hopeless-y @mitskiswift99 @fallingblackveils @ahead-fullofdreams @helendeath @schaebickel @chubbychasermattheotruther @punkprincess03 @subparslytherin @girlbooklover555 @sakanelli-afc @cobrakaisb @ellen3101

[justwinginglife]

hi!! may I request something again?^^

may I request soshiro found out that you can turn into a Kaiju or see you transforming into your Kaiju form. a little Angst but with happy ending please:›

You may always request something again! Also story note- for this fic, Imma just ignore that Kikoru Shinomiya exists, sorry yall, you're taking her spot now.

Half Human

Your whole life was one big irony in that your life's mission was to kill kaiju and yet you owed the very breath in your lungs to them. Your father, the Director General, Isao Shinomiya, had already lost his wife and he'd be damned if he was going to lose you too. He secretly brought a kaiju back to base alive and had several talented doctors and scientists exchange its core in place of your failing heart. The doctors weren't even sure it could be done, but when the abomination that was you was finally finished, they were all sworn to secrecy. You were to be the first and the only kaiju transplant survivor.

After all, if word got out that it was possible to enhance the human body directly with kaiju organs, without use of a suit, there would be chaos. For one, the suit industry would take an immense hit and the black market would reign supreme. Not to mention how much ungodly human experimentation could come about from failed attempts to successfully recreate the transplant. It might even make the Defense Force's job more difficult- trying to take Kaiju in alive was significantly more dangerous and strenuous than just killing them.

With all these things in mind, your father kept the tightest lid on the situation. No one but you, your father, and the team that had worked on you knew this secret. But today, one more would find out.

Your father always carefully monitored your vitals in case you ever rejected the organ, and you were always reminded to keep your emotions in check so as to not set off the kaiju side of you. You thought that you'd learned to keep most of your emotions at bay, but apparently that control you had did not apply to anything even remotely related to the Vice Captain.

One time you'd heard someone shit talking him and you accidentally stabbed through your own tongue because your anger had called your fangs to emerge. And it didn't help that the Vice Captain glimpsed the blood dripping from your lips and tried to help you. You always wondered if you'd be able to feel human emotions anymore since you no longer had a human heart, but he quickly put that fear to rest because every time he reached for you, touched you, cared for you, you felt like you could feel your nonexistent heart beating rapidly. It felt like he was the only thing grounding you in your humanity.

Your father must have caught onto this at some point because he'd frequently make excuses to call you to headquarters when he felt like you might be getting too close to Hoshina. Today was one of those days.

You had gotten the summon early this morning and you were annoyed but you knew you that as much as you wanted to rebel against your father as his daughter, as a soldier in his Defense Force you couldn't very well disobey a direct order from the Director General. Especially when no one knew the reason you were called to headquarters so regularly. So you went to him.

By the time you finally concluded your business with your father it was late (you refused to stay the night in his division and let him have anymore hold over your life as it was) and you were waiting for the next train back to the Third Division when you felt your comms buzzing in your pocket. You thought it was strange as everyone should be either asleep or going to sleep soon, but you popped the comms in anyway, eager to hear what was going on so late at night. The base was under attack. It was a Daikaiju. The Vice Captain was fighting him. And losing.

You start to get dizzy. Sweat trickles down your forehead. The world seemed to be blinking in and out. You shake your head trying to get ahold of yourself but you know it's no use. You still haven't learned to get your kaiju side under control and on the rare occasion when you slipped and went berserk only your father could bring you back from that place of darkness. You clench your fists, straining, and gripping onto what was left of your humanity but your lower half had already started to turn.

"No- don't. He needs me. I can't be rampaging in another division right now." You beg the beast inside you.

It doesn't listen.

You feel the transformation reach your neck, a growl already starting to rise up your throat.

"I said stop! Damnit, st-"

Your voice is no longer your own. All that's left of you is one half of your face now, and the beast is slowly closing in on it. It's hungry. It hasn't been let out in awhile.

You look up at the moon, blinking back tears, thinking it might be awhile before you see it again, before you're yourself again. You wonder how long it will take your dad to find you and you wonder if he will even be able to change you back this time. He was getting older, getting weaker. What if you killed him this time?

And what if when you woke up, if you ever woke up again, the Vice Captain was dead? What would you do with your life if you weren't listening for his footsteps in the hallways or listening for his laugh in the air? If he wasn't telling you a joke or complimenting your stance, would you make it through the day? If you went through life not ever having told him how you felt, would it still feel like you were living?

You start to spiral in your own dark thoughts as the transformation spreads across your face, but right before it hits your ear you here the comms crackling.

"Vice Captain! Come in, Vice Captain! Sir, please respond!" Okonogi. She's yelling for the Vice Captain. Something must've happened.

Your vision starts to go red. You punch the lamppost beside you, but you're surprised to find that it's your fist that hits the metal. Not the beast's. You look down. Only your legs are still transformed.

You actually laugh out loud. "That's more like it. Time to go." You jump once, and it propels you into the sky. You use the momentum to launch yourself towards the Third Division. Somehow your legs are faster than a moving train, bringing you bounding towards the training grounds in what seems like no time at all.

Before you can even think about the consequences of being half transformed on base where the officers are literally trained to kill kaiju like you, before you can even think about how your father will probably kill you himself for revealing the secret he's worked so hard to protect, you're already jumping in front of Hoshina as you transform your arms and block a blow that could've been deadly.

He doesn't even have time to be stunned, you're injured.

He jumps to his feet, concern on his face, as you spit blood. You've not fought anything in your kaiju form before (the most you've done is scare the shit out of some pigeons before your father found you and changed you back) and it takes some getting used to.

"Well fuck. That actually hurt, damnit!" You yell at the kaiju. It laughs at you. You raise an eyebrow. It seems to understand you. You're astounded but you don't care to think too much about it before you launch a punch at its abdomen.

It groans but then it chuckles. "Is that the best you've got?"

"Ah so you do talk. That's fucking creepy, not gonna lie." You punch its chest this time.

It staggers backwards and Hoshina takes advantage of the opening, slashing at its legs. It lands on its back.

You hurl yourself high into the air and then crash down hard on its head with a deafening blow that splits its skull. But it starts to slowly regenerate and it shakes you off of it. You land at the ground by Hoshina.

"So are we ever going to talk about the whole 'you being a half kaiju hybrid' thing?" He asks you, eyes still trained on the shuddering beast in front of him.

"Really? Now? We're a little busy Hoshina."

He laughs- he actually fucking laughs. "Oh really, because here I thought we were having a nice little tea party."

You roll your eyes but you can't help but smile at his poor comedic timing. "I'll treat you to some tea if you tell me where the damn core is."

He points to its back. "Lil fucker is hiding it in there."

You nod. "Got it."

The kaiju rises to its feet, ready for another round.

"Do me a favor and be bait, yeah?" You tell Hoshina and then before he can protest, you charge its back.

The kaiju swings at you but you duck.

"Oh I'm the fucking bait? Real classy." Hoshina grumbles but he complies, charging at its front, slashing at it and keeping it busy while you circle behind it.

You run up the stairs of a nearby building and when you reach the top, you launch yourself from the roof.

"This one is for making Hoshina bleed." You mutter under your breath before sending its organs flying as you rip through its flesh and pummel its core to bits. The aftershock sends you flying and you don't have time to land properly. You smack the floor on your side, tumbling in circles until you finally slow.

Your ribs feel like they're caving in but at least the kaiju is down for good. You lie in the dirt, coughing painfully and looking up at the night sky. You're fully human again, like the beast inside you curled up and went to bed, letting you feel the full force of the pain alone.

Hoshina rushes over to you. "Oh my god, are you okay?!"

You cough again. "Not sure if I'm up for that tea party anymore. Might've fucked up a lung or two."

He rolls his eyes. "You would make a joke at a time like this."

"And who was the one asking me stupid questions mid fucking fight?" You tease.

He laughs.

"So... are we going to talk about it now?" You swallow, wondering how he'll react to this new side of you.

He thinks for a moment. "Talk about what? As far as I know, a human saved me from the kaiju. And it looks like," He chucks a rock at the nearby drone, "The rubble badly damaged any footage that might've been captured."

You sigh, relieved, and relax against the ground.

"But... if there's anything you want to tell me later... when you're ready, I'll listen."

There were so many things you wanted to tell him and you being half kaiju was the least important of them. But you'd save that for another day, maybe when less of your limbs hurt.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"By the way, did you really brutally murder the kaiju just because it made me bleed? Your comms were on."

"Shut up, Hoshina."

[fandomfucker]

Hi can you do a judgment day x reader where they all go to a club to celebrate a win or something and the reader goes to get more drinks and a guy comes up to her flirting with her and she politely tries get away but he keeps on but then the judgement day comes looking for reader and protect her and just fluff when she thanks them and them saying they will always protect her or something like that? Pls💕

Word Count: 1,127

Reader's POV

The bright lights shone above, reflecting off of my metal jewelry in flashing colors of light. The atmosphere was humid with the smells of sweat and alcohol. Music blared from the speakers placed strategically around the room, causing the walls and floors to vibrate with the bass.

Bodies pressed up against me from every side but I didn't mind too much since they were the bodies of my four partners. Yes, four. How on Earth I got lucky enough to score all four of them simultaneously I'll never know but I'll cherish them forever.

The colorful flashing lights illuminated each of my partners' faces as I danced between them all.

Rhea held my hips from behind, grinding on my ass as Dominik held my waist, swaying his hips and singing along to whatever song was playing in front of me.

Damien and Finn were off in their own little world as they grinded against each other next to us, occasionally bumping hips with us as we all swayed to the music.

My face and neck were both flushed with sweat as I danced the night away with my partners. We were celebrating Dominik winning his NXT North American Championship Title back.

Covered in sweat and panting slightly, I gently pried myself away from the sandwich my two partners had put me in.

"I'm gonna go get drinks!" I shouted to the two of them as I pointed towards the bar. It wasn't too far away but with the amount of people in between it felt astronomical.

"Be careful!" Rhea shouted back before closing the space between her and Dom, the two of them now grinding on each other instead of me.

I giggled happily to myself as I made my way towards the bar. I had to dance my way around crowds of people along with individual couples so I wasn't met with a hand to the face.

Reaching the bar, I laid my hands atop the counter as I waited for the bartender to finish what he was doing. His movements with the bottles captured my attention, captivating me as I watched in awe.

"Hey, beautiful. Whatcha drinkin'?" An older man with scraggly, peppered, facial hair saddled up to my right

"Just water," I replied, turning my attention briefly to him before turning back to watch the bartender. Just trying to nicely tell him to get lost but he didn't seem to be getting the hint.

"Lemme buy you a drink, baby." His slurred voice rose to be heard above the music, only spreading the smell of his beer breath further into my face. He raised his hand and started whistling at the bartender, who, on the other side of the bar, couldn't hear or see him.

After a second or two of not being acknowledged he gave up and focused his undivided attention onto me. His beady eyes stared straight into my soul.

"No thank you. I'm actually here with someone." I smiled politely, taking a subtle step back away from the man. I did a quick sweep of the dance floor, trying to find my partners, only to see the four of them all in the exact same positions I had left them in.

"Hey, now. I don't see anyone." He did an overexaggerated look around us at the crowd as he leaned forward even closer to my face. I tried to step back again but found myself up against a stool and no longer able to move away.

The man only pushed further towards me, effectively caging me in. My heart started to race as I started to panic.

I wouldn't be able to beat a literal child in a fight, much less this drunk grown-ass man.

"Yeah, well, they're right over there." I pointed in their general direction, refusing to take my eyes off of the man in front of me though lest he try something when I'm not fully paying attention.

"Come on, sweetheart. I don't bite." He gave me a toothy grin as he laid his hand on my arm. Before I could even yank my arm out of his reach, his arm was ripped off of me by someone else.

"Yeah? Well, I do." Rhea stood behind the man, his arm gripped tightly in her fist as she glowered at the man.

Damian stood next to her, also death-staring the man as Dominik and Finn gently pulled me away from the situation and behind Rhea and Damian.

The two of them were without a doubt the most menacing of the group. Damian with his combined height and build and Rhea with her build and her overall aura. They were especially terrifying when even slightly peeved, never mind totally pissed.

I would hate to be in that man's position right about now.

And by the looks of it, so would he. He stared up at the two of them in horror as a wet spot grew along the front of his pants, trickling down and onto the floor, making my partners all take a couple of steps back.

Dominik waved over a bouncer to escort the perv out of the bar as Rhea continued to scowl disgustedly at the man as he was dragged out.

"I see you again, I'll do a lot more than just make you piss yourself." Rhea threatened making the man's face lose all color before she turned around to face me.

Her expression immediately softened as she gripped my face in her hands, turning my face every which way examining me for any harm the man might have caused.

"You alright, chica?" Damian checked up on me, resting a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"I'm okay," I reassured my partners. "Just a bit shaken up is all."

Finn shrugged out of his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders, rubbing them as he steered me towards the exit. "Let's get you home, Lass."

Dominik held my hand the whole way home, rubbing small circles with his thumb, and then carried me out of the car once I fell asleep.

Laying in bed later that night surrounded by my four partners I realized just how so incredibly lucky I am. "Thank you guys for being there," I mumbled in my sleep-dazed head-space.

"Anything for you, mami," Dominik replied, giving my forehead a kiss as Rhea squeezed my middle from behind. Finn and Damian each gave one of my hips a kiss as well.

"We'll always be here to protect you Y/n," Damian added, receiving confirmation noises from my other two partners.

My partners are my protectors and nothing and nobody will ever change that. I fell asleep feeling loved and safe, encompassed by their warm bodies saving me from all kinds of harm.

[hxney-lemcn]

Tension — Farmworld! Finn Mertens x gn! reader

summary: reader becomes more incorporated in the kids lives. they even try to give some fighting tips, only to end up sparring with Finn.

tw: sparring (?)

a/n: I'm...not too proud of this one, but I wouldn't say it's terrible. I just think I made it kinda run too long. Also...I'm bad at writing fighting scenes 😭

wc: 1.1k

Chapter Three

Master List | Chapter One

I looked down at Bonnie as she tugged on my arm, drawing my name out in a whine. “Can you tell me a bedtime story?”

I noticed how Bonnie seemed to cling to me the most, constantly wanting to hear more stories about my world. The others weren’t as pushy, probably used to their dad’s antics surrounding magic. Bonnie was the youngest though, so she probably had more leeway. 

“Only if your dad’s okay with it,” I replied, looking towards said man. 

“Fine,” He huffed.

“Yay!” Bonnie cheered, pulling me up to her room. This wasn’t my first time up here, as a part of my chore list would be to help the kids clean their rooms. The upstairs only held one hallway that led to only four rooms. It was two kids per room, then Finn in his own room. 

All the other kids had headed to bed, but tonight, Bonnie wanted me to tuck her in. She pulled me all the way into her room before bouncing on her bed, laying down and looking at me expectantly with a toothy grin. Stormo was already laying down, the soft light of the lamp illuminating the room in a warm orange tone. I walked over to Bonnie, taking her blanket and tucking her in gently. She wiggled excitedly, patting next to her for me to sit down. 

As I sat down, I tried to think of a story to tell. I felt even more put on the spot with Finn who stood in the doorway, watching over the scene with his arms crossed. 

“What kind of story do you wanna hear?” I asked, looking down at the blonde girl who wiggled her head onto my lap.

“How did you meet daddy in your world?” 

I smiled, “I actually helped save him and Jake. So I was flying back home when…”

I told her about how they were attacking a beast to obtain an ingredient for Princess Bubblegum, but odds didn’t seem to be in their favor. So I swooped down and distracted it, giving Finn clearance to knock the beast out. Him and Jake invited me to tag along and hang out sometime, and the rest is history. By the time I finished, Bonnie was passed out, sleeping soundly on my lap. 

Not seeing a way out without waking her up, I inched lower into the bed and under the blankets. Slowly moving her head to lay on my chest. Thankfully, my injured wing didn’t need to be bandaged anymore, and the scab was healing quickly. With one wing, I draped it over the two of us like a second blanket. I then realized that I wasn’t able to turn the lantern off. 

Finn thankfully, was there to save the day. He blew the lantern out, only to pat my head gently before exiting the room. I felt my cheeks flush, staring at the ceiling. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, my thoughts seemed to be rushing a mile a minute. Finn was closed off, a bit cold and standoffish. And he’s only been warming up to me. I’ve noticed how his stare directed towards me was no longer the harsh untrusting look, but a warmer, more accepting one. He started to talk to me more, taking in my input and sometimes even using my advice. Now, it seemed to even seep into a more physical form of caring. 

Letting out a quiet sigh, I closed my eyes, willing myself to sleep. 

…

The next day, as I was busy carrying a bale of hay into the barn, I caught sight of Finn teaching Stormo some self defense. I hurried with my task, setting the hay bale in Bartram’s stall. I gave the donkey a quick pat on the head before exiting back outside. 

I took a few minutes to catch my breath. Watching as the two Mertens sparred. I was slightly surprised that Finn was willing to teach them how to fight, but on the other hand, I understood why. With gangs who prey on the weak, to the mutant creatures I’ve heard about that prowl outside, they needed to know how to protect themselves, and each other. 

“You need to straighten your posture,” I spoke up, noticing how Stormo slightly hunched his shoulders in. “And widen your stance.” Walking over to the two, I fixed Stormos' posture and smiled in satisfaction as he seemed more confident. 

This time, he did better during their spar. Finn didn’t seem to put his all in it, but still managed to win. I sighed as Stormo seemed to keep letting his guard down, which let Finn get hits in. 

“That was a lot better,” I praised, clapping slightly. “But you gotta keep in mind your openings. With every attack, you gotta think about what you’re leaving vulnerable. Make sure you protect your head and torso.”

“Perhaps a demonstration could help,” Finn spoke up. 

A mischievous grin morphed onto my lips, “I don’t know…don’t want the kids thinking I’m stronger than their daddy.”

“Try me.”

Stormo handed me the stick and I got into a defensive position, waiting for Finn to make the first move. A fierce spar it was, as we both got hits on each other. Sweat ran down my forehead as I focused on disarming the blonde haired man. We watched each other intently, and I felt like I was in my element. The urge to flutter my wings and sore around was strong, as when I sparred with my world's Finn, anything was allowed. But I kept myself on the ground, knowing it would be an unfair advantage to use. 

Then suddenly, it all seemed to happen so quickly. My breath was knocked out of my lungs as Finn had managed to tackle me to the ground. Both our wooden stick swords fell…who knows where. The atmosphere grew tense as we both panted, sweat covering our bodies. Our gazes were interlocked, and I could feel his breath hit my face. 

A few seconds felt like hours before Finn lifted himself off of me. He offered me a hand and helped me stand back up as well.

“It seems like you still need some practice,” He stated. But even with him speaking with his usual monotone, his eyes expressed the tease to that sentence. His lips barely quirked up, before he went back to his stoic expression. 

My heart seemed to stutter, not able to make eye contact. A wave of embarrassment hit me even worse when I realized Stormo had just witnessed the entire encounter. 

“I went easy on you,” I grumbled, my pride winning me over. “If I were in a real fight I have the high ground.” I fluttered my wings slightly so he understood what I meant. 

“Then let’s try again,” He offered, picking up the swords and tossing me mine. “This time, don’t hold back.”

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[thescarletnargacuga]

SHADOW PUPPET

PART 4 OF THE UNSEEN SERIES: A HARLEQUIN AU FANFICTION

Harlequin AU credit: @tadc-harlequin-au @iamespecter

Shadowblade is my OC and NOT CANON

Featuring MOTSI, OC by @paper-fowl

WARNING: swearing, nightmare imagery, PTSD

~~~

"OW! Are you sure you know what you're doing!?" Jax loudly complained as Pomni mended a crack in his arm.

"I'm not Caine, shithead. You're lucky I'm even attempting this. Now shut up, so I can concentrate." Pomni focused her energy into the mending tool, slowly soldering Jax's wound closed. It was messy, but at least his inner workings were no longer exposed.

They sat with Shadowblade in the middle of the ruined warehouse where their epic battle with the silver beast ended. The beast's body laid headless, purple fluid congealing around it. Jax was badly wounded from using a powerful energy attack that finished the beast off. He could still fight if he had to, but energy was out of the question until he had more rest. Pomni wasn't too bad off, the only serious thing was some shrapnel in her left leg. Shadowblade needed serious repair, the giant dragonesque puppet had gone into shutdown and was unresponsive.

The sky was still dark. It was hours before dawn. Pomni had her mask to help her see in the dark while she attempted minor repairs. Jax bared the pain of the unprofessional work by occupying himself with conversation.

"Hey, is your pet going to live?" Jax nodded to Shadowblade.

"They better, or getting back home will be a bitch. I don't want to deal with you more than I have to." Pomni commented sarcastically to distract herself from her worry over Shadowblade.

"Ditto." Jax deadpanned. "You gonna call your boyfriend for help? They're pretty messed up." He looked over Shadowblade's torn torso and wings. If he hadn't arrived when he did, they would likely be dead.

"He's not my boyfriend." Pomni grumbled. "But, yes, I'll have to call him. Shadowblade's damage is too severe for me to even attempt to fix. We're going to be here for a bit. Even with his blink, I don't think he could get here faster than we did, and it still took us a whole day."

Jax rolled his eyes. "I told you we'd end up stuck here. Why don't you-.... Uh....why don't..." Jax collapsed.

"Jax??" Pomni put down the tool and double checked what she did, seeing if she damaged him in a way that would make him fall over. "Jax! Wake up! That's not funny! We need to-!!!!" Pomni felt it. An overpowering aura that made the air feel dense. She could sense the direction it was coming from but couldn't see anything yet. She instinctually reached for her sword, but her hand shook too much to unsheathe it. She couldn't stand, her body refused to move from its kneeling position on the floor.

Thunk.

Thunk.

Thunk.

Rhythmic tapping of a heavy metal cane echoed from the far end of the warehouse. Pomni's eyes went wide with panic. Not him. Not now. Please, if there is a god...

Thunk.

Thunk.

Thunk.

A towering, suited humanoid figure emerged from the darkness, within range of Pomni's night vision. The seven foot, bullhorn-head puppet walked slowly but with purpose. He was going straight for the silver beast.

Pomni hyperventilated. The Patriarch was going to kill her. She was defenseless and miles from Caine. She internally cursed herself for not even being able to draw her sword. She watched the imposing figure hold the end of his cane to the silver beast's chest. Firey red energy blazed down the cane and made the end white hot, burning through the beast's armor.

The Patriarch cut a hole over the beast's core with one circling movement of his cane, then held his hand out as though expecting something to be dropped into it. The purple crystal within the beast's chest cracked and shifted out of place before the very core of it shot out and landed in the Patriarch's palm. He closed his fist and pocketed the crystal before slowly turning his head to Pomni.

Pomni gasped, her heart going wild with fear. Everything inside of her screamed to run, but she fought it to stay with Jax and Shadowblade. Even under distress, she would not abandon them.

Thunk.

Thunk.

Thunk.

The Patriarch approached calmly, completely unbothered by anything around him. Then, in a burst of fast forwarded motion, he was directly in front of Pomni, staring down at her.

Pomni would have screamed if she could breathe. Instead, she scrambled backwards; managing to find the strength to back away, at least until she was against Shadowblade. She stared into the Patriarch's single bright red eye, knowing it would be the last thing she would see before the void.

"You have something I want." He held out his hand. His voice clear and derisive, but with a threatening undertone.

Pomni put her arms out against Shadowblade, covering their exposed core like she could stop him from harvesting it too.

Instead, an object in Pomni's vest jumped, drawn in by the Patriarch's telekinesis. She tried to hold it down, but the journal from the basement safe flew away from her and into the Patriarch's waiting hand.

"Thank you." The Patriarch gripped the journal and turned to leave.

Thunk.

Thunk.

Thunk.

Pomni's mind raced as she stared into the back of the Patriarch for as long as she could see him, half expecting him to turn around and put his cane through her heart. The air still felt oppressive even after he was long out of sight. She felt like she was holding her breath for eternity when it finally stopped. She gasped and held herself as she trembled against Shadowblade.

Jax groaned. "Fuuuuck, my head...what happened? What did you do to me?" He sat up, rubbing his head. His chest felt weird as well, like his soul had been disconnected from his body before coming back suddenly. He saw Pomni curled up against Shadowblade with a thousand yard stare. "Hello, I asked you a question."

Pomni didn't respond.

Jax got himself to his feet and dragged his tired frame over to her. "Pomni?"

No response.

Jax has never seen her like this. Something spooked the Harlequin into silence and it was freaking him out. They couldn't wait any longer for reinforcements. He extended his arm to reach into the saddle bag. He rummaged around until he found a communicator. They were outside of radio range, but the distress beacons were detected by the W.A.C.K.Y watch no matter where they were. He activated the beacon and sat next to Pomni. For once, he was fine with the silence. He didn't know what to say anyway.

~

Caine was roused from sleep by a pinging noise from his watch. "Huh..?" His vision swam as he struggled to focus on the noise. "Wha-.. woah!" He rolled off the bed, nearly hitting his head on the nightstand on the way down. He groaned and searched his pocket. His watch continued to ping loudly and a distress marker was lit up in the City of Gears. He got to his feet and hastily grabbed his things. He was about to start blinking when Gangle and Ragatha came in.

"Caine! What are you doing out of bed??" Ragatha fussed.

"Pomni's activated her distress beacon. I need to go." He tried to blink outside but his heart lurched from the overexertion, causing him pain. He grunted, clutching his chest.

"Absolutely not! You're in no state to travel." Ragatha put her foot down, trying to guide Caine back to bed.

"Unhand me!" Caine pulled away, stumbling into the bed post. "Pomni's in trouble!"

"Then we'll send others!" Ragatha argued, scared for his well-being.

"No...no... You won't get there fast enough. None of you can...oh god." Fear gripped Caine soul. He barely felt strong enough to stand, let alone blink all the way to the City of Gears. He cursed himself for holding on to the void for too long. Now Pomni needed him and he couldn't get to her.

"I'll take you." Gangle said quietly when there was a silent pause between Caine and Ragatha.

The two looked at Gangle, surprised. Caine steadied himself. "Have you learned to blink?"

"No...but I am more comfortable with my soul magic and I....can fly."

"Since when??" Ragatha gaped.

"Not long. I figured out I could do it when one of Kinger's stick bugs wouldn't come down out of a tree. Next thing I knew I was floating." She giggled lightly. "Caine, If you need to get to the City of Gears, I will take you as fast as I can."

Caine put a grateful hand on Gangle's shoulder. "Thank you. We need to leave immediately. Grab anything you may need."

Gangle swept out of the room and Caine double checked his pockets for tools. Ragatha sighed. "It's going to be dangerous. You're so low on energy, you're stumbling around like you've been drinking all night. Let me go with Gangle. Let us handle whatever's got Pomni down."

"With all due respect, if Pomni has activated her distress beacon, you wouldn't be able to handle what made her do it. She and Jax, and possibly Shadowblade, could all be downed. They'll need an expert healer. I can rest on the flight there. By the end I should have enough energy to at least help them, even fight if I must. Try not to worry." Caine adjusted his coat on his shoulders, as ready to go as he could be.

"Impossible, I'm afraid. Everyone here has come to mean a lot to me. Including you. Please, don't push your soul too hard. It can only take so much. I'm sorry if I'm being overbearing, I just...."

"You're a wonderful friend, Ragatha. The world needs more people like you. I'll be careful." Caine reassured.

Ragatha nodded solemnly. "That's all I ask...oh, before I forget, I found some information on the crystal that I think you'll want to know." She took the fragments out of her pocket. "This is piezoelectric quartz. It's used as a power source for marionettes. It comes in a variety of colors, but they all generally come from the same place. The City of Power."

Caine remembered what the Master said about the existence of a D.I.E in Shadowblade. "Within...oh my god."

"What?" Ragatha asked.

"That's how he did it. The rat bastard fused a D.I.E with a large marionette's power source and then used a charm to maintain control. The process required to do such a thing.... I'm sick just thinking of it." He gripped his cane hard.

"Who...?" Ragatha stood confused.

"I spoke with the foul soul responsible for Shadowblade. Why do you think I'm so tired?"

Ragatha took the reformed control charm with S.B's initials out of her pocket. "Here. I don't know if it'll be of anymore use, but you should have it."

Caine took it as Gangle rushed back into the room, wearing a small cross body bag. "I'm ready!"

"Let's go then." Caine turned on his heel, marching to the door. "Hold down the fort, Ragatha."

Gangle and Caine went outside, where the sky was showing only the slightest bit of light from dawns approach. Gangle nervously held her arms out. "I, um...have to carry you."

Caine jumped into her arms without question, eager to get going. Gangle securely wrapped her ribbons around Caine legs and torso, carrying him as though he were her bride. She was the only one even slightly embarrassed.

Gangle focused on the gentle breeze lazily wafting by. A silvery glow emanated from her heart, traveling down the ribbons she stood upon. The wind rushed around with force, becoming gale force in an instant. Gangle's ribbons caught the air and gained lift. Caine watched with fascination as they rose from the ground. Gangle leaned forward and she started flying quickly, due east.

"Well I'll be dipped. You're soul magic uses the wind! That's incredible!"

"Heh, thank you." Gangle smiled with a tiny blush.

"Now we just need to find someone who can influence water, and we can make our own weather." Caine joked.

~

Birds chirping in hazey morning light gently stirred Shadowblade. They were in a comfortable human bed, wrapped in warm blankets. The smell of food in the air.

Shadowblade sat up, feeling very light and strange, their body not moving in a way they were used to. Removing the blankets, they saw a fair skinned human hand. They gasp. Two hands. Dainty and young.

Slowly, they get out of bed, standing on two legs. They look down, lifting their long nightshirt to see two human feet. Ten toes. Cold against the hardwood floor. They take a step forward. Then another. They balanced as though they had been walking on two legs their whole life.

Shadowblade looked around the room. It was small; only a bed, small vanity and wardrobe. The sunlight pouring in from the window gave everything a warm glow. They go the vanity. A crystal clear mirror reflects their chest as their head stood just out of its sight.

Shadowblade's hand shook as they reached for the top of the mirror. They tilted it...to see a young woman wearing a bonnet staring back. Shadowblade touches the human face, staring wide eyed at the reflection. The face was that of a young adult woman. Bright hazel eyes. Light freckles dotted pale skin. They grasp the bonnet, pulling it off to reveal long dark red hair that spilled over their shoulders. The hair curled lightly, a bit frizzed in the morning humidity.

Shadowblade touches the hair. The thick locks slide between their human fingers. It was the softest texture they'd ever experienced.

"You awake in there?" An unfamiliar woman's voice called from beyond the bedroom door.

Shadowblade jumped, staring at the door like a startled cat. "Coming, mother!" They said involuntarily. They gasp and clap their hands over their mouth. Their voice was soft, melodious even, like Gangle's.

Their eyes went back to the mirror and they looked different. They wore a simple brown dress and their hair was tied back. They felt compelled to leave the room, so they went out to find "mother".

The house was tiny, a bit ramshackled, but cozy. Floors boards creaked with each step. They only had to turn a corner to see a woman standing at a stove, her back to Shadowblade.

She was humming to herself, stirring a small pot of porridge. Shadowblade approached tentatively, jumping again when the woman looked back at them.

"Good morning, dear! You slept late. Have a seat, breakfast is nearly finished." Mother said with a smile.

Shadowblade sat stiffly as they were served a meager meal of porridge and a slice of bread. They kept their eyes on Mother, not trusting to take their gaze away from a stranger.

"Wh...where...am...I?" Shadowblade said slowly, not knowing their own voice.

Mother sat next to Shadowblade at the table with her own food and gave a warm smile. "You're home, silly. I certainly wouldn't mistake this place for anywhere else."

"I don't... understand...how..?"

"Where else would you go when you are hurting? You've been in a lot of pain for a long time. I'm glad you finally made it back. I've missed you."

~

Jax eyed the shrapnel in Pomni's left leg. "...you gonna get that?"

Pomni still wasn't responding. She stared emotionless at the floor, lost in a daze.

Jax gripped a piece of metal sticking out of Pomni's leg and yanked it out.

"AH! SON OF A FUCK THAT HURT! WHAT THE HELL!?" Pomni gripped her leg, glaring at Jax.

"There you are." Jax tossed the shrapnel. "What happened to you? You got all weird."

"Nothing." Pomni said stiffly.

"Bullshit."

"I'm not obligated to tell you anything."

"You are if it puts me at risk. I pass out for no reason and then you start acting like scared child?"

Pomni picked at the remaining pieces of shrapnel in her leg, carefully removing them. "You wouldn't understand even if I told you."

"Try me." Jax said firmly.

Pomni locked eyes with Jax in an intense stare for a long moment. "...fine. Are you familiar with an entity referred to as The Patriarch?"

"No."

"I may be the last combat Harlequin, but I am not the only Harlequin. This self proclaimed Patriarch has been following me ever since I defeated Kingr. I've seen him everywhere... I don't know how he gets around so fast."

Jax paused, thinking. "...maybe he isn't real."

Pomni went ridged, looking about as mad as she could be. She pulled the collar holding her bell away from her neck, exposing an ugly scar. "He did this to me, just by LOOKING at me. He's real. I don't know what he wants... Some times he hurts me. Sometimes he doesn't. Nothing and no one can stop him."

"Caine hasn't fixed that?" Jax pointed at Pomni's neck.

"I never take off the bell... He doesn't know about it."

"Damn...what did The Patriarch do this time?"

"He took part of the core of that thing." Pomni pointed at the deceased silver beast. "And he stole the journal. I don't know what he would want with it, but I can't imagine anything good. I'm just glad he didn't take Shadowblade." Pomni looked over her damaged companion.

Silence fell between them once again. The only sound being the soft rhythmic hum of Shadowblade's core. Pomni took off her mask, morning light giving her enough to see.

~

Gangle zoomed across the sky as fast as she could. Making much better time than expected. Caine took the time to meditate, rejuvenating some of his energy on the flight. His watch pinging louder as they grew close to the City of Gears broke his trance.

"We're here already?" Caine checked his watch.

"I found a jetstream!" Gangle proudly announced. "Where are they?"

"Down there. The warehouse with the big hole in the roof."

Gangle gracefully descended through the roof, bringing the wind with her and kicking up dust. Pomni and Jax were on their feet, expecting a fight. Caine almost blinked to Pomni, but saved his energy. Gangle released him, feeling his anxious squirming.

Caine ran up to Pomni, checking her for injuries. "We came as fast as we could! What happened!?"

Pomni embraced him. "I've never been so happy to see you."

Caine stood stunned, looking to Jax and Shadowblade's body, but gradually hugged her back. "I'm glad you're safe."

Jax avoided looking at the hugging duo. He was more interested in why Gangle was so far away from the manor. "Well, look who decided to leave the manor walls for once. Enjoying your field trip?"

"Indeed, Sir Jax. The air is so fresh up high." Gangle was transfixed a moment, then looked away shyly. " Master Caine needed to get here quickly. So I helped."

"Descending from on high like an angel? That's one way to get my attention." Jax chuckled.

Gangle squeaked. "I didn't- I'm not- oh my..." She hid her face, emotive patterns on her mask changing wildly.

Caine wished Pomni wouldn't let go, this was the most contact he's had with her that didn't involve fighting in a long time. His very soul sang in her presence.

"Shadowblade isn't doing good." Pomni said quietly. "And...he showed up."

Caine's blood ran cold. "The Patriarch?"

Pomni let go of Caine and pointed to the silver beast. "He took the core of that thing that attacked us. I thought he was going to take Shadowblade's too, but he didn't. He just...left. Even thanked me. Condescending bastard."

Caine could see the broken core and blood of the beast. "...the traitorous son."

"Huh?"

"Later. Shadowblade." Caine started evaluating Shadowblade's condition. The torso and an entire wing were torn apart. Heavy damage to the neck as well. They lost a lot of fluid, the core was dim and cracked. "Void preserve me, this is going to take awhile." He puts a hand on Shadowblade's face, drowning at seeing no signs of life.

"You can fix them...right?" Pomni asked with worry in her voice.

"Enough to get them back to the City of Circuits, but even that's going to be hours. You'll want to get comfortable."

Gangle and Jax came close to hear Caine's take on the damage. Gangle gasped, staring right at the core of Shadowblade.

"Oh my goodness...I can see them."

"Yeah, they're kind of hard to miss." Jax snarked.

"No, I mean I can SEE them. They're soul... This creature is a puppet!?"

"Hey, that creature has a name." Pomni glared.

"I-I'm sorry. I never thought-...Poor soul." Gangle stared, transfixed. The energy from the soul escaped through the cracks of the crystal containing it's D.I.E. She read what came through. "You saved them..." She looked at Jax.

"What?" Jax looked behind him, like Gangle could be talking to someone else.

"The last memory they have is you stopping the silver beast from killing them. You're a hero."

Jax blinked. "You know what? We haven't had a chance to secure the perimeter. I'm going for a walk." He turned on his heel and made for a side door outside.

"Jax?" Gangle called after.

"Let him go." Caine said, not looking up from Shadowblade.

"I think I insulted him. I didn't mean to." Gangle said.

Pomni huffed. "I'll have to remember that the next time I don't want him to bother me."

~

"Am...I...dead?" Shadowblade asked Mother.

"Not in a way that matters." She cryptically responded. "Won't you eat? You need your strength."

Shadowblade looked down at the bowl and considered eating but something blocked out the sun coming through the window. Shadowed mist poured in through every window and under the door and even the cracks. Shadowblade stood so fast, their chair fell over.

Mother didn't react, watching Shadowblade solemnly. "I wish we had more time..."

Shadowblade breathed heavily, they had no means of defense. They were small and weak and fragile as just a human. Ominous mechanical growling came from outside, from all sides of the tiny house. The mist filled the building, choking Shadowblade's throat and stinging their eyes. They fumbled blindly for a door but found nothing. The building they were in was gone. There was only darkness.

A golden light shined down on them. Two large eyes peered from the shadows. Shadowblade ran, but no matter how fast or far they thought they went, they couldn't get away from the eyes watching them. Ever nearer.

They ran until the eyes were on them. A beaked maw large enough to swallow them whole descended upon them. Then, they were the eyes. Feeling tall and powerful...and cold.

The mist dispersed to reveal an unknown battlefield. Human bodies by the hundreds were piled and rotting. Puppets torn to uncountable pieces littered the landscape. They knew this was their doing. They never failed a mission. Obey the Master. Seek and destroy.

Behind the stoic mechanical eyes was horror beyond comprehension. Shadowblade was realizing for the first time the true weight of what they'd done. All those people, humans and puppets alike, dead by their hand. The blood that stained their soul would never wash away.

~

Caine focused hard on putting all of his energy into healing Shadowblade, mending vital systems first. Pomni stood watch, keeping a com handy if Jax reported something. Gangle sat with her eyes locked on Shadowblade's core, taking in as much information as she could gather.

"Shadowblade is a she..." Gangle commented.

"Do you know her name?" Pomni asked.

"Not yet. Their a lot of memory to sift through and...most of it is as this form. She's been a puppet much longer than she was a human."

"Fucking hell..." Pomni grimaced.

"She fought in the war." Gangle added. "Against her will."

Caine tossed Gangle the charm. "You can thank this for that."

Gangle examined the ruinic stone. "SB... Shadowblade?"

"No, but an amazing coincidence." Caine answered. "Probably why they liked the name to begin with."

Pomni's com came to life with Jax's voice. "Hey, you bonzos wanna see something cool? Go outside, south side of the warehouse, and follow the ramp down."

"Really? You want to look for more trouble?" Caine guffawed. "We're lucky this place isn't swarming with marionettes."

"I'm sure that silver beast over there took care of anything troublesome a long time ago. I need to stretch my legs." Pomni left to go see what Jax wanted to show them.

Gangle stayed, putting a sympathetic hand on Shadowblade. "What will we do when she wakes up?"

"I don't know..." Caine answered honestly. "Figure out how to communicate, that's for sure, but otherwise, I'm not sure what we could do for her."

"Maybe a new body? Like the rest of us?"

"If that's what she wants, but I'll have to figure out how to safely extract the D.I.E from the crystal. This is all unique technology and I don't want to risk severing her soul from the mortal plane."

Gangle frowned, seeing more of Shadowblade's memories and state of mind. "What if she wanted you to do that?"

Caine paused. "Then I would understand." He left it at that.

~

Pomni met Jax on a subsection of the warehouse. They were in what looked like a massive subway tunnel system, but there were no rails. A tunnel to their left was collapsed, a train buried in the debris. To their right, an open tunnel with an odd looking train intact and waiting for passengers that would never come.

"We need to work on your definition of cool, Jax." Pomni looked around, bored.

"You don't know what these are, do you?" Jax forced open a hatch near the front of the complete train.

Pomni saw writing on the side of the nose of the train. "Mobile Operative Transport, Sector I."

"Exactly! It's a MOTSI! One in good condition, too. These living trains took people back and forth across and to other cities super fast. I rode more than a few in my time. Always fun."

"Living..?"

Jax activated a power stitch in the front car and the train came to life with a loud hum. As it shifted, the front of the train shook debris off its head raising it slightly from the ground. Bright yellow lights shined in Pomni's face.

"Ha! It still works!" Jax cheered. "We just got our ticket out of here."

The MOTSI train was more snake-like now that it was active. A faded white and red paint job was down the entire length of it's body. The hatch Jax had opened shut him inside and the train went off through to the only available opening in front of it.

Pomni stepped aside, avoiding being accidentally crushed against the wall. The movement of the giant train made the earth beneath it rumble. It forces it's way out of the smaller entrance, under Jax's direction, and breaks free of the underground railroad.

All the noise got Caine and Gangle to rush outside, prepared to fight, only to see a massive metal snake coil itself around a building. Jax popped out of the top front section, behind the head, and jumped down. "I got us a ride home. You're welcome." He smirked.

The snake stayed put, watching Jax.

Pomni joined the others. "This is getting ridiculous. Why can't we find any small pets."

"I was about to ask the same thing." Caine stared up at the snake train.

~

Shadowblade tore at their body. Their claws ripped away armor and spikes and cut into vitals. They tried to speak, only roars and rumbles of anger and agony came out. All they could hear were their own thoughts.

I am not a monster.

I am NOT a monster!

I AM NOT YOUR PUPPET!

I AM ME!!

They dug their claws into their chest. The crystal cracked under their grip. The pain was immense.

YOU DO NOT CONTROL ME ANY MORE!!

Shadowblade roared as mist poured from them. It formed a shadowy silhouette of their form, glaring back with the same golden eyes.

YOU ARE NOT ME!!

Shadowblade crushed their own core. Golden shards fell like stars from their chest. A white light beamed from the center of the crystal, piercing the shadow. It scattered in the harsh light.

I am...me.

Shadowblade's mind felt clearer. More memories came, but they didn't hurt. They flowed freely like a river that had been dammed for too long, washing away the barrier that held them back from feeling human.

~

Caine went back to Shadowblade alone, the others entertained by their new pet. He was about to continue repairs when a sharp sound from the core for his attention. He watched in amazement as thin black tendrils sprouted from the center of the crystal, forcing their way out through the cracks.

The new flesh wove itself into Shadowblade's inner workings, spreading across the entire body like vines. Shadowblade's eyes slowly brightened as she came to consciousness.

Caine smiled softly, putting a hand on Shadowblade's head. "Welcome back."

Shadowblade rumbled, happy to see a familiar face.

~~~

To be continued...

[bloatedandalone04]

In The Way I Need You | Part 4

Series Masterlist

➪in which clay becomes more and more aware of his feelings for you, and you grow more and more attached to both him and joey.

PSA: strongly suggested to read the warnings before proceeding.

WC; 3k | Do not repost this anywhere, reblogs are fine ♡

Clay Beresford: Stuck at work for a bit longer today. Are you able to get Joey ready for bed again? 

You glanced up at the kid who was sitting on the living room floor, his head propped up on a pillow as he skimmed through a picture book. You had babysat a lot of kids throughout high school, but Joey was by far the cutest and sweetest child you had ever met. You had grown so attached to him in so little time, and you were beginning to fear that maybe being around him and his dad so much would end badly, but you didn’t want your time with them to ever end. 

Clay was so kind and not at all like the stereotypical rich guy who just cares about his job and money. He adored his kid and had a close relationship with his mother and so obviously cared deeply about those around him. You met him because he had helped you out with directions, surely making himself late for work because of that, but never rushed during the entire time you and him talked. 

He was about to single-handedly ruin your standards for men.

Of course I can. He just finished dinner, so I’ll let him relax for a bit before putting him in the bath. 

Clay Beresford: Thank you. I’ll pay you extra again for the trouble. Just tell him I’ll be there before he falls asleep so I can say goodnight to him. 

No need to pay extra. Got more than enough last night, Mr Businessman. I’ll let him know. See you later. 

You set your phone down and got off the couch. Sitting on the carpet next to Joey, you ruffle his hair a bit and smile at the laugh that escapes him. “Would you like me to read to you before your bath?” You offer and he nods, sitting up and moving onto your lap. 

You wrap your arms around him and begin reading The Kissing Hand. Once you are done, Joey leans back against you and plays with the charms on your bracelet. “That book is like my dad and I,” he says and your heart swells and breaks at the same time. 

The Kissing Hand was a book about a mother raccoon and son raccoon, and you were once again reminded that the sweet kid on your lap was robbed of his own mother at such a young age. 

Not because she tragically died or anything. No, she willingly left both him and Clay as if she thought she could live a better life somewhere else without them in it. 

Your eyes stung a bit as you leaned down and kissed the top of his head before you began to really think about it. “You love your dad, huh?”

He nods and looks at the picture on the front of the book. “He’s my best friend,”

You blink away the few tears that formed as you stand up with him in your arms. “You’re sweet, you know that?” You murmur as you carry him upstairs and into the bathroom. “Do you want a lot of bubbles or only a little?” You ask as you turn the water on and look at him from over your shoulder. 

He gives you a crooked smile from his spot on the footstool. “Grandma puts a lot in. Daddy doesn’t,”

You smile back as you stand up. “Looks like you’re getting a lot tonight,”

After letting him sit in the bath for a while and then helping him change into his pajamas, you sit next to him on his bed as he tries to decide what book he wanted you to read to him. “Read this one?” He held up Lullaby Moon and you were powerless to stop yourself from agreeing. 

You were both tired by the time you finished reading it, and you had to fight off a few yawns as you set the book aside. “Did you have a good day?” You asked as you smoothed out his hair. 

Joey nodded and snuggled closer to your side. “I like it when you’re here,” he mumbled and your heart swooned a bit. 

“Yeah?” You hum with a grin. “I like it, too.”

He closes his eyes and holds onto his teddy bear. “When will daddy be home?”

“Soon, buddy,” you answer, looking over at the clock on the wall and seeing that it was nearing eight thirty. Clay must’ve gotten held up even more since he said he would be home by now, but you honestly didn’t mind sitting with Joey when he was all sleepy like this.

He was ridiculously cute and was practically Clay’s twin, and you were quickly realizing that you would rather be here with them than anywhere else. You were becoming too attached to them far too soon, and you knew you needed to get a hold of yourself. 

“He always tucks me in,” Joey whined quietly and you think your heart physically cracked a bit at that. 

“He’ll be home soon, Joey,” you promised, standing up and tugging on his covers. “It won’t be as good as the way your dad tucks you in, but can I try? See if it helps you get more comfortable?”

He nods and you take it upon yourself to gently shove the blankets under his body and position his pillow so his head was resting on it a bit better. 

“How’s that?” You ask as you kneel next to his bed. 

“Good,” he smiled and reached out to grab your hand.

“What?” You asked when you saw that his eyes were open again and he was staring up at you. “What’s the matter?”

“I miss daddy,” he answers and you could hear the quiver in his voice. 

You pout down at him and lean in to kiss the top of his head. “I know you do,” you murmur. “He’ll be back soon. Would you like me to stay with you until he gets home?”

When Joey nods, you move so you’re sitting on the carpet next to his bed, your back against the side of it and your hand locked with his smaller one. 

And as you waited for Clay to get back, the soft sounds Joey made as he fell asleep slowly but surely had your eyes shutting and your own body giving into sleep as well. 

-

“Yes, mother, I’ll let her know,” Clay muttered as he entered the house and quietly shut the door behind him, despite knowing that no one would have been able to hear it, anyway. “I’ll see you next week.”

“You’ll take care of yourself, right?” Lilith asked and he could hear the worry laced in her voice. “Maybe you should have Y/n stay over to keep an eye on you.”

“Jesus, mom, I’m twenty seven years old,” he grunted as he shoved his keys into his pocket and ascended the stairs. “She’s here to look after my kid, not yours.”

“I just worry about you, Clay,” she said quietly, making him sigh as he poked his head into the living room. He knew he wouldn’t find Joey or you in there, but he still checked anyway. 

He had gotten home much later than he expected to, and he was a bit annoyed at how his meeting went today. At about four PM he was ready to call it a day and he wanted nothing more than to go home to his kid and maybe chat up his babysitter a bit before having an early night in, but clearly that didn’t happen at all. 

“Don’t stress yourself out,” he said in a much calmer tone as he looked in the kitchen as well. He found that it was once again spotless, and his mood lifted considerably at that. His eyes narrowed at the pots drying on the dish rack, a small smile forming on his lips as he realized that you had made pasta. Joey’s favorite. “I’ll be fine. You have a nice trip, alright?”

“I’m here for business, Clay. I’d hardly call that a trip,”

The call ended not long after that as he made his way up to the third floor and peeked his head into his son’s room. While he was expecting to find Joey asleep, what was not expecting was to see you sleeping right next to him with your head on his bed and your legs folded on the floor. 

The position you had fallen asleep in would surely result in a stiff neck tomorrow, but even that didn’t seem like a good enough reason to wake you. Joey’s fingers were tangled with yours, and you both looked so peaceful, it felt like Clay’s heart had skipped a beat. 

Or he was having another heart attack at the scene in front of him. 

It was perhaps the sweetest sight he had ever seen, putting aside all the times he’s watched Joey fall asleep, and he truly didn’t think he had the strength to wake you up. 

He knew he needed to, and he knew he would begin to feel like a total creep if he were to wait any longer, so with a quiet sigh, he makes his way over to you. Kneeling down, he smiles at his son before reaching out and gently shaking your shoulder. “Y/n?” He called quietly, pulling his hand away when he saw your eyes open. 

Your gaze met his and he watched as your eyes filled with a bit of confusion. “Clay, hi,” you mumble, sitting up and looking behind you at Joey. You turn back to Clay with wide eyes and a nervous look on your face. “Oh, God, I’m so sorry I fell asleep. I put him in bed and he wanted me to sit with him until you got home then I accidentally fell asleep somehow, and-”

“Hey,” he cut you off with a laugh, getting off his knees and crouching next to you instead. “Why are you apologizing? It’s okay.”

“It’s unprofessional,” you corrected as you rubbed your face roughly. “What if I forgot to lock the door and someone broke in? Or something else happened to Joey and I missed it because I was sleeping? God, this is so embarrassing.”

Clay laughed quietly and gently took your hands in his when you kept them pressed against your face. “It’s fine, Y/n, really. Joey’s fine,” he assured you, pulling your hands away from your face. “You fed him, got him ready for bed and stayed with him until he fell asleep. I don’t care that you fell asleep, too. The door was locked so you weren’t being unsafe or anything. It’s fine.”

His hands were still holding yours, and he hesitantly pulled them away after realizing that - though he really didn’t want to.

You give him an embarrassed smile. “Okay,” you reluctantly murmur, watching as he stands up to his full height and holds his hand out to you. You take it and he pulls you up with little to no effort at all. “Thanks.”

He smiles down at you, his mind begging him to be selfish and say something that would get you to stay a little while longer. “Any plans after this?” He asks and you shake your head, lifting your shoulders in a form of a stretch. 

“No, I was just going to have an early night in,” you say with a shy smile.

Clay knew he had no business asking you what he was about to ask you, but he didn’t really care at the moment. He just witnessed you and his son in the cutest scene ever, his brain was a fuzzy mess at this point. “Would you like to stay for a bit? Other than the day we met, you and I haven’t talked much. You know, one on one. Maybe we can get to know each other better,” he suggested, his eyes a bit wide as he looked for any clues that would indicate you were uncomfortable. For safe measure he added, “Only if you want to.”

Your smile grew a bit at his words, and suddenly he felt less nervous. “Yeah, I’d love to,”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,”

And that was how he found himself sitting next to you on the couch in his living room. Yeah, maybe he was a bit too close to you, and yeah, maybe this lighting was making you look like something straight out of heaven, but Clay was still well aware of the fact that nothing could happen between the two of you. He was your source of income, for fucks sake. Nothing can happen.

“So, I graduated at the top of my class then moved as far as I could with the money I had saved up. They don’t tell you how expensive places are in the big city until you’re stranded in it,” you say as you lean back against the couch, a pillow placed on your lap like last time. “That’s how I found myself scrambling to find a job. I lucked out when I ran into you, oddly enough.”

Clay grinned at that as he believed that he was the lucky one. His kid adored you and it was clear you adored his kid. You were kind and genuine and you thought about both him and Joey. His mind went back to the first night you made him dinner, and the cute note you left with it. 

The same note that was still stuck to his alarm clock right now.

His mothers words echoed in the back of his head and he debated on whether or not it was too soon to ask you if you are able to stay the night so you can get Joey ready in the mornings. “I think Joey and I are the lucky ones,” he says instead. “That kid loves you already.”

You grin over at him with that pretty smile of yours and Clay felt the heat rush to his face, feeling like he didn’t really deserve to be at the center of your attention right now. Sam really fucked him up and he knew it would take a long time for him to feel whole again now that he didn’t have her anymore, but it didn’t seem so bad ever since he met you. You, for some reason, made everything seem a bit easier. “I’m glad,” you say quietly, despite Clay moving the two of you downstairs and into the living room so you wouldn’t wake Joey up with your conversation. “You’ve got a cute kid, Clay. He is far too sweet for his own good.”

Before Clay could stop himself or think about his words, he blurted out, “You and him have that in common,” he knew how inappropriate that sounded and he also knew he needed to take it back somehow or find a way to make it sound less…weird. 

But you just smile again and look away. “Well, I don’t know where I get it from, but Joey for sure gets it from his dad,” you responded and Clay had to turn away as he felt his face heat up once again.

He debated on whether or not he should just go for it and ask if you are available to stay over for a few nights. Fuck it. What’s he got to lose other than a really great babysitter? “Hey, uh….are you able to stay over from Sunday night to late Wednesday? It’s just my mom is out on this trip and I would be late for work if I were to try to get Joey ready for school on my own. There’s a guest room a few doors down from mine,”

You studied his face for a bit and he could see the smile you were fighting off as you leaned back against the couch. “Sleepovers with the Beresfords?” You tease with a small grin. “I’m honored.”

Clay forced out a laugh as he scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, well, you help out so much around here, and Joey would be so happy to have you around for that long,” he said then quickly added, “If you’re not able to or already have plans that’s fine. I’ll figure something else out-”

“Clay, I think we’ve already established that my social life is lacking severely at the moment,” you laughed and leaned over a bit, giving him a hint of the sweet vanilla scent of your perfume. “I’d love to stay over and help get Joey ready for school. Hey, maybe I can even help clean up this place. It’s pretty messy.”

You laugh again when Clay looks around the damn near spotless living room before he shakes his head with a smile. “Have at it,” he said back then met your eyes. You looked so pretty right now, the lamp on the side table illuminating only half your face, but you still looked so pretty. He could kiss you right now. He wanted to. Fuck, did he want to. 

Professional, Clay. Keep it professional. She’s your kid’s hot babysitter, get over it. 

He could tell himself that all he wanted, but it wouldn’t make him any more interested in actually pursuing it. “Thanks,” he said in response to your agreement. 

You smiled again and Clay felt himself leaning closer to you just slightly. He could do it right now. Say fuck it and see what it felt like to kiss you after imagining it from day one. 

Nothing can happen. Nothing can happen. Nothing can happen. 

You were a mere few inches away now, and you were clearly waiting for him to make the next move. He wanted to, so badly. 

But he waited too long. He thought about it too much and now you are pulling away with a sheepish look on your face. “It’s getting late,” you say quietly as you stand up. “I should get going.”

Clay made a move to stand up as well. “I’ll walk you to the door,”

You nodded and allowed him to guide you out of the living room and down to the first floor, where the two of you fell into your routine of him wishing you a goodnight and requesting you to let him know you got home safely before watching you get into a cab and head home.

-

Shorter chapter since I am drowning in assignments, but sleepovers are next ;)

[cosmicjoke]

Could It Be That We Finished Our Mission Way Back Then?

I think people often grossly misunderstand and often twist Levi's sense of directinlessness after Erwin died to fit some sort of interpretation of his character as being solely motivated by or only caring about Erwin, whether that's to badmouth his character as being Erwin's "sidekick" or to push this agenda of some sort of romance between them.

But as usual, with these sorts of interpretations, people cherry pick and ignore context.

The above panels are vital to understanding Levi's sense of directionlessness after Erwin's death.

He says

"Could it be that we finished our mission way back then? When we got those brats to the sea? Did the part we had to play end there?"

Levi feeling lost and without direction after they retook Wall Maria has to do with the fact that the nature of the problem they were facing completely changed. It went from freeing the people of the Walls from the threat of the Titans to suddenly facing the threat of entire nations and other countries and people.

Levi was recruited into the Survey Corps to begin with because of his exceptional skills on the ODM gear, and thus, his exceptional ability to kill Titans.

But after they retook Wall Maria, the Titan threat was pretty much eliminated. Levi's skills and the specific abilities he brought toward the end goal of attaining humanity's victory over the Titan's were no longer required. The thing he brought and was able to give humanity, his incredible physical prowess in killing Titans, was rendered basically obsolete.

His sense of directionlessness and uncertainty has to do with the fact that he no longer feels he has a role to play in saving humanity, because the problem facing them has completely shifted. He muses above about whether "their mission" was to get "those brats", meaning the younger generation, to the sea, and wonders if "the role they had to play" ended there. He's talking about attaining freedom for these kids from the Titan threat and, that being the mission of the Survey Corps, feeling like, in that moment, their own role, the veteran scouts role, was complete. Levi talks during the Uprising arc about "choosing the hell of people killing each other over the hell of being eaten", and again, he's talking about eliminating the threat of the Titans so that people can actually have a choice in how they live, even if how they choose to live is its own kind of hell.

Levi never believed in a utopian world. He just wanted people to be able to live and choose for themselves how to live. And the way he was able to help them do that was by killing Titans and ending the threat of the Titans against them. Without Titans serving as a threat, he doesn’t know how his abilities can be used anymore to help people.

Levi's sense of directionlessness after Erwin dies has got nothing to do with Levi fighting for Erwin, or this idea that, without Erwin, he doesn't know what to fight for.

He still knows what to fight for, he's still fighting for humanity and for his comrades, but he doesn't any longer know what he's supposed to do in that fight, because, again, the nature of that fight has changed, and he feels like maybe all he could do to help the younger generation attain freedom has already been done.

And particularly in relation to Erwin, it was Erwin who first showed Levi how he could best utilize his abilities to help people. It was Erwin who directed Levi in how to use his strength to free humanity, and Levi relied on that direction from Erwin toward that end. Without Erwin there to direct him, again, Levi became unsure of how his abilities could or should be used to fight for others.

So, again, his loss of direction wasn't because he lost the thing he was fighting for. He was never fighting for Erwin. He was fighting for humanity, for his comrades, for "those brats". His loss of direction was because he no longer knew what he could do to continue to help people, when the way he'd helped people was by using his great strength to eliminate a threat that, at that point, no longer really existed. Remember what Levi says to the dying soldier at the beginning of the story? "I swear to you, I'll kill every last Titan". And he promises that soldier that he'll use his sacrifice to give him strength toward that end. He makes the promise to that soldier to kill all the Titans, because that's what that soldier sacrificed his life for. It's the same promise Levi makes in his quest to kill Zeke. He makes the promise to accomplish it because it's what all those soldiers in Shinganshina died for. It's something Levi can accomplish for his comrades. It's something he can achieve to help them. Like I'm always talking about, it's not for the dream itself that Levi fights, but for people, for his comrades, and for humanity as a whole.

Being able to kill Titan's gave Levi a clear directive in that drive to help people. Being able to kill Zeke also gave Levi a clear directive in how to help his comrades.

All Levi ever cared about was helping as many people as he could. It wasn't that Levi was fighting for Erwin, and without Erwin, Levi didn't have anything left to fight for. It was about fighting for people. About helping people. He knew how to do that when the only threat they seemed to be facing was the threat of the Titans.

When the nature of that threat changed, Levi no longer knew how to help.

That doesn't mean he didn't care about helping people, or humanity. Quite the contrary. His general uncertainty and doubt in the aftermath of the RtS arc, and, subsequently, his strong desire to kill Zeke, is reflective of how much he still wanted to help others, is reflective of him searching for a way, for a clear path, toward that end. Killing Zeke was a concrete goal he could cling to in that regard. A concrete way for him to apply his abilities toward helping his comrades, particularly, the comrades that had given their lives for the goal of Zeke's death, when everything else for him was left ambiguous and unknown. When he no longer knew how he could help, even as the deep, driving desire to remained.

[solitaryandwandering]

A Ramble: Love in the Big City Eps 3-4

Okay, so I finished this episode like half an hour ago and I am still processing. I am so impressed with this show's ability to showcase different shades of grief. I feel like I'll probably cry at the end of every section but it will feel completely different every time. Please do not expect anything less than a LONG ramble.

Again, I just have to admire the direction - each part so far has felt completely distinct but not in big, showy ways. Part 1 of this show was a more traditional coming-of-age with warmer, brighter colors and more dynamic editing, camera movement/angles and blocking. I'll have to go back and study this more but it felt like there were more eye level and overhead shots, too. Part 2 is darker, slower, with more frequent use of stationary camera/static shots and wide angle shots. There were a couple of striking long takes as well. We linger in wide, empty spaces, forced to be still as we watch what unfolds.

Many of us talked about queer loneliness in the last episodes which is obviously going to be a present theme throughout the entirety of the show, but I was struck with how different the loneliness felt in these episodes. Especially in episode 4, as Young gets further entangled with Noh Young Soo, he becomes isolated in a way he wasn't in Part 1. Then, he was lonely but surrounded by people. In Part 2 he is removed from his community and so his loneliness is more starkly evident. The direction reinforces this by literally isolating him or keeping him at a visual distance. We don't get as many intimate close-ups as we do in episodes 1 and 2.

And again, I may be totally wrong, but I think we can actually see a kind of transition in style in the way episode 3 opens up. Episode 2 ends with the lighting on Young's face becoming gradually darker, then I believe the episode begins with a dolly shot moving backwards as we face Young running. It's a more active camera with movement within the frame. Yet, the colors are relatively muted and Young is looking down the barrel of the lens with an exhausted expression. It's distancing instead of inviting. After that unhurried shot we then cut to a grounded static shot where Young runs from one side of the frame to the other. From then on, I don't think we get very many, if any, moments of similar movement. Other dolly shots I can think of are when he's pushing his mom in a wheelchair - not exactly a high speed chase and still within the framework of a long take. There's certainly none of the quick editing from Part 1. The score is also way more melancholy.

Moving on, what these episodes really had me ruminating on was the concept of ownership. As queer people I think one of the reasons why Pride has become such a big part of our culture is because it gives us a space to own ourselves publicly in a way we often aren't able. We can't always show up as our full selves, with all our history, community connections, complex relationships with our identities, etc. Young is a cool character to watch because it seems at the beginning of the show that he is self-actualized, totally in charge of his queerness and integrated with his community (as Yeong Soo also believes). But of course, it is a lot more complicated for him (and for most of us). In these episodes we could see more of what he has (and continues to) sacrifice in an effort to own himself. It is in spite of people determined to steal his spirit. It is an active fight, one he feels helpless in the face of when he attempts to take his own life in episode 4. And that attempt is also, in a way, a claim he lays on his life. Only he owns it, only he gets to end it. I don't think that was his thought process obviously but it did strike me. It was also interesting to me how he attempted in the apartment he used to share with his best friend, a relationship he no longer has.

More broadly there was a lot going on in this section about how we approach taking ownership of our own experiences. How we shape them to fit in with a narrative we want to believe about ourselves and our lives or a narrative others would want for us. At the end of episode 4 Yeong Soo sends Young his observations on homosexuality (his way to distance himself and claim a different more "objective" or "correct" perspective of his own life). He literally tells Young he hopes his reshaping of their experiences would inform Young's future work. He is both refusing ownership and attempting to control Young's self-expression. In the entirety of their relationship he did much of the same, refusing to claim Young as his boyfriend in the way he wanted or recognize him as a full person while presuming he knew everything he needed to know about him and life in general. Young is restricted to the same experiences over and over, going out to eat the same foods, playing the same song, hiding himself away. Quite literally, his ability to experience everything he loves about life is stunted.

These episodes also had me reflecting on how we give up ownership or have it taken away. Young Soo treats Young as his dog, stifling his (and his own) identity and sense of freedom. He isolates Young from friends and community. What's devastating about their relationship is that Young wants some kind of ownership; he wants to belong to Young Soo and for him to belong to Young. At the very least, he wants recognition. But this becomes twisted up in Young Soo's self-hatred. Young Soo has elected to give up ownership of his identity in favor of a particular mold. He favors comfort and has chosen very specific things he can own and love as a part of his identity to replace genuine connection. Rather than own his feelings he observes others'; he tries to own Young and his experience, to live vicariously but also to shape him. He envies Young's ability to own himself and his sexuality but is afraid of it. He has dedicated himself so much to a particular picture of reality that he can't conceive of Young ever facing legitimate danger or opposition because of his sexuality. If he hates himself, it is only natural, an extension of the life he lives and who he is (a "macho" intellectual). He owns and then marinates in his negative experiences to validate his refusal to engage with a wider reality, one in which joy can exist in a homophobic society. Even in his attempts to own Young he fails because it is impossible for him to draw any closer to himself. Yeong Soo can't own someone who refuses to give himself up. He doesn't bother to get to know Young beyond his assumptions (he can "see right through him," after all). He strips self-ownership from Young in the same way he keeps it from himself.

And then there's Young's mom, who has fabricated and owned her own set of experiences in a similar way to Yeong Soo. She devotes herself to heterosexual and Christian ideals, believing that God and marriage are true north even as her own marriage fails. She claims ownership over her narrative and attempts to justify her approach in asking her son to believe in and own the same kind of life. When he threatens her sense of ownership over her own life (already threatened by her husband's infidelity) she scrambles to 'correct' him by sending him to (I'm assuming) conversion camp or some kind of psychiatric institution. In doing this she has cut Young off from owning his own life and experiences. She essentially makes it clear to him that his life is not his own. He is stealing from hers. And so, steals from his to prove a point. He gives up so much of his time to care for her but she doesn't acknowledge this at all, more focused on the ways in which he fails to give up parts of himself she's dissatisfied with. His mom writes Bible verses by hand, to ask her life to conform to what she has chosen for it. To her, ownership is absolute: one God, one true way. Even as she is aware she doesn't own her son's life.

How do we reclaim ourselves as others tell us to throw it all away? What do we do, as queer people, with what is forced on us? Do we choose to own our lives, our identities, or do we give up parts of ourselves to survive? At the end of episode 4, Young takes the manuscript Yeong Soo sent him and instead of recycling throws it in the trash. He tells his mom, "It's not my trash." I saw this as him choosing himself again. He does not have to carry self-hate as Yeong Soo does. He does not have to take the sum of his experiences and let them pile up in a corner of his mind. Yeong Soo treats Young as a possession and so does his mother - someone who exists for their benefit. But he doesn't - Young lives for himself. And isn't that so, so lonely?

Last thing, but this was the moment in the episode that first got me crying. When his friends show up at the hospital after his suicide attempt. Young's friends own themselves and their community and don't ask of anything else from him. They show up for him as who he is and allow him to repossess his community even as they are kept from him, on the other side of glass. Even as his mother looks on, disapproving. Their friendship may be more superficial but that doesn't make it any less meaningful.

If you actually read this whole thing, congratulations. I wasn't kidding when I said it was a ramble! I'm actually okay with waiting until next week for the new episodes this time, I don't know if I can handle much more waaahhh