#dino soft angst

[sleepyparalysisdmon]

Seventeen with a partner who is insecure about their body

Genre: equal parts angst and fluff, suggestive content (MDNI)

A/N: vaguely written so this is friendly for any insecurity. Be kind to yourselves please. You deserve love. 🖤

Won’t hear a word of it - Seungcheol, Hoshi, Mingyu, Seungkwan

A little bit aggressive in how intensely he disagrees with you. He’s so obsessed with you and now he’s set on proving why. He might even call you crazy and stand you in front of a mirror. He’ll squish your face and make you look him in the eye through the mirror so you can see how serious he is while he tells you in great detail all the things he loves about you. The details might fluster you because of how explicit it is sometimes, but it does wash away a bit of the insecurity if only because you can tell how much he means it. For good measure, he’ll make a point to physically prove it, in and out of the bedroom. His goal is to have you feeling like you’re the hottest person on the planet because that’s exactly what he thinks of you. He’ll just keep trying until you finally get it. In quiet moments though, he will remember to tell you all the other non-physical things he loves about you. Prepare for compliment overload because he’s determined to get you to accept them from now on.

Will be so gentle about it - Jeonghan, Joshua, Wonwoo, The8, Dino

Very soft and maybe even a bit emotional about the fact that you’re willing to be vulnerable and admit this to him. He really wants to understand why you feel the way that you do - have you always felt this way, did someone say something mean to you about it, how do you usually deal with this insecurity. Then when the one-sided game of 20 questions is over, he’ll be smothering you with affection and making sure his stance is clear. He’ll let you disagree, but he’ll be steadfast in insisting that you’re the most attractive person he’s ever met. In the coming days and weeks, there will be subtle things that let you know he’s trying to help you feel better about yourself and lift your spirits. Gentle offers to go shopping for clothes that you like, or take a walk to get some fresh air and move your body, or try new makeup - whatever your concern is, it doesn’t matter because he’ll find a solution for it. He’s absolutely not trying to change you, would never dream of it, he just desperately wants you to be comfortable in your own skin and will bend over backwards to help you find tools to do that with.

Feels like a bad boyfriend - Jun, Woozi, DK, Vernon

Where as the first group responds with outrage and the second responds softly, this group would respond with a little bit of devastation. Does he not tell you how much he loves and adores you every goddamn day? Does he need to say it louder?? Does he need to worship the ground you walk on more obviously??? Okay, he will, but not before retreating a little bit to reflect. He feels guilty that maybe he’s contributed to this insecurity unknowingly and replays every conversation you’ve had for the entirety of your relationship so far. In the days after that conversation, he’s touchier and ten times more adoring. He lays it on a little thick on purpose. It’s you who will have to squish his face and say ‘Okay, I get it’ when he’s telling you how pretty and cute and beautiful and hot you are for the thousandth time during dinner when you’d love to talk about anything else. But he doesn’t believe it because your face when you admitted your insecurities is seared into his mind and he won’t be forgetting this anytime soon. Just get used to the new norm which is them being your biggest and loudest cheerleader.

[b38rman]

THROUGH THE MOTIONS [pt. 1] ⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚ Ollie Bearman

series tags - ollie bearman x afab!reader, enemies to lovers, slight angst, slight sickfic moment, eventual smut, explicit sexual content

synopsis - Between you getting an international driving permit and a rental car or having to spend time carpooling with the Ferrari Driver Academy co-driver you despised the most, you just had to choose the more difficult option. (Spoiler alert: it didn’t have anything to do with getting the permit or a rental car.)

parts - 1 | 2

rating - part 1 - teen and up readers

warnings - ollie being awkward and a little mean , a really bad flu

a/n - comments and feedback are very much appreciated! 💞

The dawn October breeze in Maranello had a certain bite to it. Still, even if you couldn’t figure out if you loved it or hated it, you knew you’d never get tired of it. 

The ever-cooling air stung your nostrils as you took a breath in. Despite the unpleasant bodily sensations, you had to stand outside, dressed in firetruck red, because Ollie told you to.

“—Or else I’m not picking you up.” The snark commanded. 

Ever since you signed with the Ferrari Driver Academy, shifting gears to work with Prema in your upcoming season, you’d put off getting a rental car and a driver’s permit like any sensible person would have done. Instead, you chose to rely on overpriced modes of transportation to get you places on time. 

Rene brought up the idea first in passing during a dinner you were having, Ollie and you comically sitting as far apart as possible. The latter kept his head down, infuriatingly emotionless at the topic. 

The arrangement was cemented though when Jock had one-too-much of you being barely on time. Ollie, who initially grinned and rolled his eyes at your predicament, fell eerily silent. However, if you two were anything besides enemies, you were people pleasers. 

You watched as the familiar black Volkswagon pulled into the front of your host family’s house. A pool of anxiety flooded your stomach, but you fought it and entered the car.

It was warm inside. It smelled like him.

You didn’t dare make eye contact with him, even though you felt his gaze on you as you set your bag down and put your seatbelt on.

“You good?” Ollie asked, and you were surprised with how soft his voice sounded. You felt your guard rising as you knew he could use any interaction against you.

“Yes.” Your tone stayed flat—neutral.

The car ride was silent and a tinge awkward, just like how every early interaction you had with Ollie was. The thing is, you got along with everyone just fine; in fact, every other FDA driver felt like family already, if only Ollie didn’t stick out like a sore thumb. 

It was in the little things—like how Ollie would be telling a story to everyone else and he’d go quiet the moment you walked in the room, or how Dino or Rafa would ask if you were coming to a hangout you weren’t invited to in the first place. It was pathetic to feel like you were left out, but honestly you couldn’t help it.

That initial awkwardness turned into slight bitterness. The passive-aggressive nature of your interactions bled into everything you did. You figured that two could play this game.

No matter how hard you resisted, you felt your body begin to slip into the early morning fatigue. The warmth, the rumble of the car beneath you, and the wear and tear of the past weeks were definitely getting to you.

You hadn’t realized you’d fallen asleep until you felt hands tugging on your jacket. 

“We’re here.” Ollie stated blankly, pulling on the handbrake and turning the engine off. 

“Right, yeah.” You rushed out of the car before the embarassment could set in.

Your routine was repetitive enough to be sickening, and you’d endure car rides to and from the factory for days on end as long as it wasn’t a race week that Ollie had to be in.

Both of you barely said anything about it though, which was surprising given that things often turned into wars of who could have the final say between the two of you. To be fair, once, you fought about which Mario Kart set up was the best for Heaven’s sake. Let’s just say it didn’t end well and the other drivers had to intervene.

Today, though, you’d come off a week of late nights at the simulator to help with the team’s data. Ollie was conveniently away, leading you to be more resourceful than efficient about getting home. It involved a lot more walking, waiting, biking or a combination of the three. 

As a result, the cold had finally decided to seep into your bones and you were down with a flu so bad you were sure you were having visions. 

You could barely sit up and eat, much less check your phone. A half-eaten, day-old bowl of soup was getting cold on your bedside table, and you honestly felt more helpless than anything.

The days were lost on you, and once Monday rolled around, who could ble you for forgetting to tell Ollie about any of this.

You tossed and turned in your bed as the sun crept through your blinds. More voices were present in the hallway, which was unusual but you couldn’t bring yourself to feel anything but pure exhaustion to the point of apathy. 

Due to this, your eyes or brain didn’t have time to process Ollie opening your bedroom door and stomping right in.

“I told you I wouldn’t pick you up if you weren’t outside.” His attempt to tell you off didn’t sound all that convincing. 

You just hummed in response, but the weird feeling in your stomach began to grow as he shut the door behind him. You closed your eyes, like that would do anything to stop how your body was responding. 

You weren’t sure why or if you were imagining it, but Ollie made his way to sit on the side of your bed you weren’t curled into. It felt like a flu-induced hallucination, but you could feel his warmth and his scent emanating from near you. 

Maybe you were just really sick. Maybe he smelled like mint and citrus and you wanted nothing else but to bury yourself in the smell. You were so tired. 

You felt a warm, calloused hand reluctantly lay itself on your temple, You prayed he didn’t feel your pulse racing.

“You’ve got temperature.” He muttered under his breath. 

“I’m freezing though.” You answered back, not missing a beat but with an evident lump in your throat. You finally made yourself look at him, and he looked back at you with something that looked almost like worry. 

Ollie began shedding his coat, one you’d seen him wear a dozen times to the factory. You were honestly confused about what was happening until he pulled your comforter down and began helping you into it. Afterwards, it probably looked like you were about to head to work in pajamas and a uniform far too big for you. 

His warmth and scent enveloped you to the point that you weren’t sure if you were breathing at all. You were still really cold though. 

“I’ll make you some tea.” He said, getting up and doing just that right as he did. 

You weren’t sure where this kindness was coming from, but it definitely did feel like a white flag being waved upon the wars you were having. Even if it was just for now. 

He returned not too long after, persuading you to drink the cup of ginger tea all at once. It was the first thing you consumed in a really long time.

“You’re much less scary like this.” Ollie said sheepishly as you drank the rest of the tea. 

“Yeah? What’s that supposed to mean?” You tried to add some bite into the words. Your bodily weakness wouldn’t let that happen. 

Ollie didn’t respond. Instead, he just looked at you. You wanted to curl up and hide under his gaze, all because you couldn’t figure out if it felt better or worse than being scrutinized by him. Right now, he looked at you with a wonder you weren’t sure was genuine. 

“I’m—um—done with the tea.” You stammered out, handing him the cup as a way to get both of you out of the conversational grid lock. 

He moved to set the tea cup right beside the bowl of soup on your bedside table. 

You weren’t entirely sure what happened next. All you remember was you drifting off with Ollie on his phone still by your side. 

You woke up in a cold sweat at one point, trying to get up but a warm, comfortably weight was wrapped around you. You decided to go back to sleep.

The next time you woke up, it was dark. Ollie was nowhere to be seen.

And all you had left of him was his jacket. 

[suhnshinehaos]

growing pains : act three, part eighteen (2/2)

series synopsis : people say that you’ll experience three kinds of love in your lifetime. the first is an idealistic love, the kind that feels straight out of a fairy tale. the second is the hard love, the kind that will leave you with lessons about yourself and the love you want and need to experience. finally, the love you never see coming. this is the story of your three loves. pairing : svt 97 line x gn!reader genre/s : non-idol au, coming of age, angst, fluff, my attempts at humor act three, part eighteen (2/2) wc : 1k

act three : the unexpected love  ➤  part 18 : it's all in the timing

after years studying and working abroad, yn is finally back home to a new job and new faces. all they want now is to focus on nothing else but their career and one of their coworker’s friends, minghao, makes it all the more interesting. 

previous  ➤  act three, part eighteen (1/2) next  ➤  act three, part nineteen growing pains ➤  masterlist 

you don’t know if it’s by drink four or song fifteen that you decided you need some fresh air.

it was rather easy to slip away unnoticed. seungcheol was basically pouring alcohol straight into people’s mouths, a line had formed in front of him and he was more than happy to pour some into his own. soonyoung and dino were dancing their hearts out to whatever pop song seokmin and jihoon were singing along to. even as you exited the doors, with every step you took, you could hear the unrestrained laughter, the lively chatter, the thump thump thumping of the bass from the abnormally large speakers. 

yeah, it was easy to slip away unnoticed.

at least, you thought so until you hear distant footsteps grow louder and louder until you could feel a presence behind you.

the corner of your mouth twitched upwards, tilting your head up to the clear sky.

“what are you doing out here?” the words fall past your lips and into the still night air. “you should be drunk or on the dancefloor. or both.”

minghao chuckles, soft and serene, taking a couple of steps forward until his arm brushes against yours. “i could ask you the same thing, you know. this celebration’s partly for you.”

“i know.” you let out a breath, refusing to look at him. even though you know he’s looking right at you. his gaze has always been intense, and for a time you found it quite intimidating. it used to feel like he was examining you, scrutinizing every quirk of your brow or purse of your lips. 

but now it felt like an entirely different thing. almost comforting.

he’s studying you, feeling out how you’re feeling with every word and breath that escaped you, yet you know you have nothing to be conscious of. 

“i get it,” he stuffs his hands in the pockets of his trousers, “it’s nice out here.”

“mhmm.” you hum, and there’s a part of you that expected your heart to thump out of your chest. for you to hear the ringing of its beating in your ears, so loud that you couldn’t quite ignore it. but it’s not there. it’s quiet, tranquil, at peace.

no panic, no uncertainty, no fear. 

it’s the feeling you once felt with seokmin, before time and distance had shaken the idealism of young love.

it’s the feeling you chased after, the feeling you craved in mingyu,  in a period in your life when you would have given him the world. only if he had asked. 

“what are you thinking about?” minghao nudges your shoulder, eyes expectant and his head tilted to the side. 

you blink and a beat passes. then another. and another.

the word slips past your lips before you could even have the time to process it. “you.”

minghao’s breath hitches, and suddenly he’s all too aware of his own body. he feels his breathing, the air that’s coming in and out of his lungs. he hears his heartbeat ringing in his ears, thumping to the sound of your voice. he notices the palms of his hands, cold, needing the warmth that emanated from yours.

it’s a common feeling when he’s around you.

there’s always a rush of feelings, emotions, that courses through his veins. awe, hope, intrigue, delight, sometimes even tinges of fear and anxiety. how could a single person make him feel so much? 

he fights the smile that’s threatening to spread across his lips, “what about me?”

“sometimes,” you pause, and your mind flashes to the past few months you’ve spend with him. the times he’s helped you out professionally and personally. the late nights you’ve spent together, going over raw shots of a shoot you had previously done. the early mornings spent running through now familiar city streets, discovering little cafes and restaurants you never would have known existed. the afternoons running random errands, from grocery shopping to laundry. 

for a moment, you’re taken back to several years ago. to a park in new york city. to a stranger handing you back your camera after he had spent two days trying every possible phone number combination.

“i look at you and i think,” you exhale. no turning back now. “here you are. where have you been? i’ve been waiting for someone like you.”

heat rushes to minghao’s cheeks, and once again you’ve made him aware that his heart is beating, blood is rushing through his veins. he’s alive, and he knows he is because he feels.

there will never be a word that will fully capture just how much he feels for you, but he’ll try his best.

“i adore you.” his thumb gently moves on your cheek, his free hand grabbing the edge of your coat to pull you closer to him. “and if it’s any consolation, i’m sorry it took me so long to find you again.”

“i forgive you.” a laugh escapes your lips and you rest your forehead against his. 

you wonder what your life would have been like if you met him earlier, if he had gone to the same high school as you. or perhaps if you had met him in your college years, if you had kept contact after he had returned your camera. 

there’s really nothing to forgive. 

there’s only so much to be thankful for. 

to fresh-out-of-high school you and seokmin for taking the leap and chasing after your dreams, even if it meant potentially losing the romantic relationship you had built.

to post-college you and mingyu, for loving each other enough to let go of each other too.

to the you of today, who didn’t stand their ground on a misguided first impression, to keeping an open heart and mind to grow and learn.

“do you really?”

minghao’s voice pulls you back into reality. you nod.

“hm. maybe i should take out on a date, just to be sure.” his lips brush past your ear, breath warm on your neck, pulling back to ask, “what do you say?”

“i’d like that a lot, hao.”

from reese, with love <3

the words 'i like you' and 'i love you' don't feel enough for ynhao... they just know

anyways, it's currently 12:15 am and i was going to sleep but i got way too excited so i'm posting this now! i know this has been a long time coming for ynhao, i hope i was able to them justice.

thank you for reading, just a couple more parts to go :) all the replies/rbs/asks are always appreciated. i'm going to sleep now hehe i'll see you in the morning and i hope you're all doing well <3

also i cannot get spell out of my head, help!

[cottonlemonade]

Hi there! could i get a medium to large mango with boba for tsukishima! i really love your work

Just A Dream

word count: 806 || avg. reading time: 3 mins.

pairing: post-time skip husband Tsukishima x chubby!Reader

genre: this has it all - for some reason, fluff, a pinch of angst and a dash of spice

warnings: mdni, nsfw

request: fluffy-spicy, clingy husband Tsukishima

Kei woke with a start. Fumbling fingers reached for the glasses on his nightstand. It was absurd, of course you‘d lay next to him when he turned around. Right? He swallowed and looked over to the other side of the bed. Sure enough, in the dark he could just make out your soft curves under the blanket, gently rising and falling in a deep peaceful sleep. He let out a sigh. It was just a dream. You hadn‘t really fought, he hadn‘t made you cry, you hadn‘t been disappointed in him. You hadn‘t left. But nevertheless, the panic in his chest felt real. He should make sure to prevent his nightmare from ever becoming reality. What an absurd thought. Or was it?

He leaned over and, his eyes now accustomed to the night, admired your features. The cute chubby cheeks all smooshed together, making you look impossibly adorable. How he ever got you to fall in love with him he‘d never know. He felt like going down that road of thought was not exactly safe for him. Your husband brushed a strand of your hair behind your ear and with a touch light as a feather kissed your temple before getting out of bed.

First things first.

He headed to the kitchen to grab some water, emptying the cup in deep gulps, feeling his pulse settling down.

Quietly, he reached into the cupboards to set the table for breakfast the next morning and once he was satisfied with his work, grabbed his phone. He had used this service many times before but it had probably been months since the last time he even got you flowers. He bit his lips, scolding himself, as he selected a bouquet of your favorites to be sent to your office some time next week as a surprise. Then he stood in the dimly lit living room, looking around for inspiration. What else could he do? What would Tadashi or Akiteru do?

Didn‘t his friend just tell him last weekend that he always included a little love note in his wife‘s lunch box?

Now, Kei, as gifted of a man as he was, didn‘t cook that well. He was decent with ramen and could fry a mean egg but his skills were definitely not enough for a bento. Plus, technically it was Sunday tomorrow and it wouldn‘t make sense for the lunch box to sit around a whole day. But… he could do the love note. How cheesy. Would you even like it if he did? He sighed again. Only one way to find out. He rummaged around in his desk and found a little note pad you had gifted him as a joke last Valentine‘s day - two brachiosauruses forming a heart with their long necks. He cringed when he reached for a pen. But it had to be done. No stone should remain unturned in his endeavor to prove his love for you. With gritted teeth he wrote one note after another, but they all sounded too out there, too much, insincere.

So in the end after several crumpled dino post-its he wrote I love you, x K and, before he could change his mind, quickly stuck it into your day planner for you to find on Monday.

After another thorough check on the kitchen table to make sure he didn‘t forget any dishes, he made his way back to the bedroom. His feet, cold from the wooden floor, slipped underneath the blanket and he pulled you close to wipe away the very last remnants of panic clinging to his heart. You were right here in his arms, still asleep, still unbearably gorgeous. Kei buried his face in your hair and took a deep calming breath.

He supposed there was one more way he could show you his love tonight…

Kisses pressed to your shoulder and neck made you stir against him.

“Kei?“

You turned around, sleepily rubbing your eyes. He brought his hand from your hips up to your breasts and squeezed them gently, just the way you liked, ghosting his fingertips over your hardening nipples.

“Mmh… Kei… what?“

“I need you, sweetheart.“, he muttered. You couldn‘t know that he meant it in more ways than one.

You let out a tiny sleepy giggle. “Is that so? Well, no complaints here.“

He kissed you, elated when you immediately opened your mouth for him to deepen his affection.

“Can I … ah, y/n… can I be inside you?“

“As if I could ever say no to you…“

He raised your nightgown above your head, relishing in the sight before him - his beautiful naked wife smiling up at him.

When he entered you slowly a few moments later he felt beyond relieved. It had all just been a dream and yet, he still couldn‘t believe his luck.

a/n: this one got away from me - I’m so sorry for the added angst! I hope it’s still fine. Thank you so much for your request and your kind words and I love your writing, too!! 🌱

for requests see here

[horangare]

Heyy!!! Just saw that your requests are open... Can I please request a fic?

Something like slow burn (nsfw) arranged marriage with Dino...

(You don't have to do it if you're not comfortable ♡)

Btw, love your fics a lot!! 💖❤️💕✨💞

for the good of the kingdom (and the good of my heart)

pairing : prince!dino x princess!reader

content : angst, fluff, smut (more towards the end, mdni), modern-ish royalty au (sorry but i cannot keep up with that old formal talk), slowburn

in which : where there is a winner, there is always a loser. your country losing the great war was the worst thing that could’ve happened, at least that’s what you thought before you learned you were going to have to marry the prince of the one nation that still kept its alliance with yours.

warnings : dino is totally in love but y/n is totally stubborn, y/n has some personal issues, itzy is mentioned to work for your family, arguments and misunderstandings, fingering, oral (m receiving), handjobs, unprotected sex (be safe), doggy style, creampies, praise, dirty talk, declarations of love during sex, a poor description of a wedding (probably, idk)

wc : 12.3K words

note : aaah omg my first request i’m so excited 😆 also i’m so happy you enjoy my fics, that means so much to me 🥹🩷 (also, i’m sorry this took me a lil minute, this is my time writing slowburn 😭😭)

“I am not marrying him!”

Ever since you were little, the Kingdom of Sokoto has always been the best. The most prosperous, the most powerful, the most influential, all of it. At the mere mention of the name “Sokoto,” people trembled. Hell, just being in the presence of someone from your family or even your court would have the most refined commoner on edge. Needless to say, you were important, and you knew it.

If only it wasn’t for that damned war.

To be fair, the Kingdom of Sokoto hadn’t risen to the top by being kind and loving. Many of the past rulers had been cold and self-serving, but never to the extent that the current ruling family, your family, had been. That was exactly what caused problems back then, and it was exactly what caused problems now.

This had all started in the Kingdom of Hisia, when your father broke a decade long alliance with their people. In his words, Hisia was an “acceptable loss,” because as a kingdom they were too soft-hearted to do anything about it. The only problem about Hisia’s people (other than being too soft-hearted) is that they were notorious gossips. When the common folk got word of this news, they told anyone and everyone who would listen. And soon, almost every kingdom in the nation knew what had happened. From Ilorus to Umbris to Kano, everyone was scrambling to break their alliances with Sokoto. Well, almost everyone.

Of course, the problem didn’t stop with your allies just leaving. No no, leaving wasn’t enough. Sokoto had reigned far too powerful for far too long. Too many things had gone overlooked. Too many injustices unpunished. Apparently, they all had their own personal grievances against the kingdom that had just been waiting to be brought to light. So how exactly did they decide to let you know that? Declaring a war, obviously.

And of course your parents were too stubborn to back down. Sokoto had never lost, never ran away from any sort of threat, never surrendered. After all, there was never a problem this kingdom couldn’t handle, with or without support from the other kingdoms. There wasn’t any need for them anyway. Your army was the most feared and well trained in all the land.

Your army alone, however, hadn’t been enough. Not in the first year of the war. Not in the second. Not in the third. When your father realized that he couldn’t continue on like this, sending the few remaining poor young men of your country to fight a losing battle, watching the rest of his people suffer, he knew had to do the one thing nobody in your family had ever done: he had to surrender.

And now that it had ended, things couldn’t be worse. Sokoto had drastically fallen in status, going from the most revered kingdom to the most despised. Oh, and the gossip never stopped, not even after things had been settled. You heard what they said about your family, every rumor, every exaggeration. You couldn’t stand them.

The only thing that remained the same after the war was your family’s relationship with the Kingdom of Kasmira. The only ones who hadn’t abandoned or betrayed you, even after the initial shock with the Hisians, even after the other kingdoms had broken their alliances, and even after the war. Nobody knew why the Kasmiran royal family still bothered to keep connections with you, but you think you were getting a few ideas.

“[Y/n], I know this is sudden,” Your father said, his arms crossed over his chest. “But given the state of the kingdom, your mother and I have both agreed that a marriage between you and Prince Dino is a good thing for the kingdom.”

“What about what I’ve agreed on, Father?” You argued. “Really…as if losing that war wasn’t enough of an embarrassment.”

Your mother stood up and took a step towards you, pointing a finger in your face. “We do not speak of the war, young lady.” When you backed away, she sighed, and placed her hands on both your shoulders. “Don’t worry. You will have plenty of time to get to know him. Prince Dino is a nice boy. I’m sure the two of you will do good things for both of the Kingdoms.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes, but for now you chose to bite your tongue. There was a lot you could say, a lot you wanted to say, but it wouldn’t do you any good to argue with your parents when the decision had already been made for you.

So you were getting married. Lucky you.

The day you got the news of your sudden engagement, you went back to your room and didn’t come out for the rest of the day. Really, who did your parents think they were, making such decisions on your behalf? And then saying that you’ll “grow to like it,” was just the icing on the cake. Who were they to speak for you? Who were they to decide who you would marry? God, you hated this family.

Come sunrise the next day, you lied in bed silently and stared at the ceiling. When you were bored of the ceiling, you stared at the wall. And when you were birds if the wall, you stared at the window. No, not out of the window, at the window. There was nothing to look at, anyway.

“Good morning, [Y/n],” The voice of your lady in waiting, Ryujin, drew your attention to the one place in your room you hadn’t looked at yet; the door. “Wow, you look awful.”

You smiled a little and shook your head. Ryujin had always spoken in a way that was a little bit…less than formal than she should have, but it was only really ever around you. Not that you cared. Ryujin and you had a close bond, and she felt more like family to you than the actual people you were related to, so you could find yourself putting up with the way she talked.

“You wouldn’t believe what my parents are making me do this time, Ryujin.” You started, letting out a heavy sigh. “You know Prince Dino? From Kasmira?”

Ryujin stepped closer, tilting her head to the side. “I know of him. Why?”

“They’re making the two of us get married.”

Ryujin gasped, her mouth hanging open. “Really? And they didn’t even tell you until now?”

“No! Can you believe it!” You huffed. “Honestly, why do I even bother with them? They seriously make me sick.”

Ryujin frowned, reaching under the blanket to grab your hand and pull you into an upright sitting position. Suddenly, her face lit up, as if she was remembering something. “Hey, you know what? Someone is actually here to see you, they’re waiting in the garden now.”

Now it was your turn to frown. “Who? Tell them that I’m busy.”

“Busy staring at the ceiling and the wall?”

“And the window.”

Ryujin shook her head, grabbing onto you again but this time to pull you out of bed, much to your displeasure. “Do you really want to stay in bed all day, [Y/n]?”

“I don’t see why I can’t.” You crossed your arms over your chest. At this, Ryujin scoffed. You were definitely your family’s daughter, even as much as you wished you weren’t.

“Oh come now, Your Highness, you could use some sun and fresh air. If you don’t get any now, you might wither away and die.”

“Is that an option?”

With a short laugh, Ryujin dragged you to your wardrobe, picking out what to put you in for today. “Oh [Y/n], you’re unbelievable.”

“I’m serious though.”

Once Ryujin had made you “look presentable” (her words) she led you to the gardens, arm in arm, where she had said this mysterious someone was waiting for you.

“Ryujin, are you sure there was actually someone here and you weren’t just drunk? Again?” You asked, looking around the gardens for any sign of life other than you and your friend.

“Of course I wasn’t drunk! I’m sure he was here…” She mumbled, looking around with you. “Oh! There he is!” She pointed to the left, and you turned your head in the direction she was pointing in.

Standing in a more secluded part of the garden was a tall blonde man with a slightly lost look on his foot. He looked to be your age and was clothed in robes of soft yellow, the royal Kasmiran colors. Wait a minute…this man wasn’t a stranger, this was—

“Oh my god, Prince Dino…” You mumbled. Ryujin lowered her finger, alternating her gaze between you and him in disbelief.

“What? He’s the prince? [Y/n], I swear I didn’t know…he didn’t tell me.” Ryujin stammered, letting you drag her away towards the entrance and back to the castle. “Where are we going? He came here for you and he’s expecting you to be here.”

“Then he’ll be disappointed to know that I won’t be able to see him today. Or any other day.” You told her. The nerve of him, to show up here and telling your lady in waiting that he wanted to see you without even letting himself be known.

“Princess?” He called out from where he was standing, and you gripped Ryujin’s arm tighter. He just had to notice you, didn’t he?

If only Ryujin didn’t know how to deal with your stubbornness so well. You would’ve much preferred rotting in your room as you stared at the ceiling. Or maybe the window.

You turned around with a sigh, shamefully making your way closer to Dino while Ryujin trailed behind, having let go of your arm when you bruised it with that grip of yours. “Hello, Your Highness.” You greeted him formally, which seemed to confuse him.

“Your highness?” He asked with a laugh. “Princess, please. There’s no need to act like that. Not since we’re supposed to be getting married, after all.”

Oh please.

“I’m sorry, your highness. But considering the fact that we are meant to be married, I think this is exactly how we should be speaking to each other.”

“[Y/n], maybe Prince Dino has a point. And anyway you don’t really talk like that all the time—” Ryujin tried to reason with you, but you elbowed her in the side before she could continue. Clearing your throat, you looked back at the prince.

“So, what exactly are you doing here?” You asked him. Despite your formality, Dino seemed amused at your question. He took a few steps closer before stopping, realizing that you were backing away from him.

“Sorry.” He smiled. “My parents told me it would be a good idea to come here and get to know you since…well y’know.” He laughed, hoping you would too, but when he saw you looking more serious than ever, he stopped and looked away.

“So you’re only here because your parents told you to come?”

No response.

“Wow,” You scoffed in reply. You leaned closer to Ryujin, bringing your mouth to her ear. “I can’t believe my parents are this desperate.”

Forcing a smile, Ryujin leaned in closer to you. “Come on, he’s really trying here. Give him a chance. He’s basically your husband, after all.”

“He is not my husband!” You hissed, which caused Ryujin to stifle her laughter behind her hand.

“Yeah yeah, maybe not for now~” She teased, turning to bow for Dino before excusing herself back to the castle. And leaving you here. With him.

“The two of you seem close,” He said.

“Oh my, how on earth did you figure that out?” Dino’s lips formed a faint pout at your sarcasm.

“[Y/n], I’m sorry. I know that this is all very sudden, and I can tell you don’t like me very much,” He sighed. “But I just want to at least get along with you. I’ll really do anything.”

Smiling, you leaned in a bit closer to him. “Really? Anything?” When he nodded, you beckoned him closer with your finger. “Get lost, pretty boy.” Like Ryujin had done just moments ago, you bowed to him before turning away as you quickly retreated to the castle, but Dino followed you anyway with a grin on his face.

“You think I’m pretty?”

You turned your head to glare at him.

“It wasn’t a compliment.”

For the rest of the week, Dino continued to come over every day and seek you out, while you continued to avoid him at every turn. It would have been easier if he wasn’t so insistent, going as far as to ask Ryujin or other castle workers for your whereabouts. Dammit, why couldn’t he just let you avoid him? It’s not like the two of you were actually meant to be together. This was all just a convenient little ploy by your parents to repair their royal status. It wasn’t real, and you wished he would stop treating it like it was.

You really couldn’t believe the lengths he went to with some of these attempts to get closer to you either. The bouquets of white roses in the most intricate porcelain vases? The hand-written letters—front and back? The jewelry carved from only the finest of gemstones? All very sweet sentiments, yes, but to say you were uninterested would be an understatement.

On Friday, much to your embarrassment, Ryujin found you hiding from him underneath one of the tables in the kitchen. When she realized it was you, she shook her head and sighed.

“[Y/n], this is just sad.”

You shushed her, trying to squeeze yourself farther into the corner underneath the table. “Be quiet. He could be listening.”

“You have got to stop running from that boy. I mean really, what’s the big deal. He’s actually really nice.”

“The big deal is that I don’t need him following me around like a stray dog.” You scoffed. “Seriously, why couldn’t we just be a normal family of shunned royalty?”

“You don’t mean that.” She said. “And besides, it’s only a matter of time before he finds you. He’s really not giving up either, [Y/n].”

Realizing she was right, you crawled out from under the table, muttering a few curses under your breath. “Believe me, I know. He won’t stop sending me gifts.” Ryujin smiled when you said that.

“Wow, isn’t he charming.” Ryujin chuckled. “And speaking of him, he told me to tell you to meet him in the gardens again today.”

“Why is he always telling you all this stuff and not me?”

Ryujin looked at you incredulously. “Because you avoid him like the damn plague.”

Oh, right. She did have a point. Whatever, it’s not like you were going to go. You had managed to avoid him all week, and absolutely nothing would convince you to go.

Ryujin seemed to sense this, and she smirked. “He made you a picnic.”

“I’m so happy you actually came,” Dino smiled at you. You sat across from him, holding the bowl of strawberries he had set out before him on the blanket. You looked up at him, pulling the strawberry you had been eating away from your mouth so you could respond to him.

“I just came because Ryujin told me about the picnic.” You curtly responded, bringing the strawberry back to your mouth. You thought he would’ve stopped smiling when you said that, but his smile only grew wider.

“So that’s all it takes then.” He mumbled. “Is that why you didn’t care for the gifts I sent before?”

You looked him up and down, sneering. “No, it was because I just didn’t care for them. It’s not wise to spend your money so carelessly on things that don’t matter.”

Dino leaned back, bracing himself up with his hands. “Trying to please my future wife doesn’t matter?”

You stiffened, gripping the bowl tighter in your hands. “Stop saying things like that.” You warned, yet he still seemed unphased as he watched you devour the rest of the strawberries. When the bowl had been emptied, you stared down into it with a frown and began to regret your greed for the little red fruit, because now you were all out.

Dino picked up the bowl once you had tossed it aside. “Should I ask someone to get you some more? I didn’t realize you would eat the entire bowl.”

“No.” You dismissively waved your hand, pushing away the thoughts of the strawberries, even though the offer of more was tempting. You hadn’t had strawberries since before the war. They didn’t grow in Sokoto, which is a fact that devastated you when you found out, and you always relied on a fresh monthly shipment of them from the Hisians and now…well…you’ve just gone a long time without strawberries. “No, It’s fine.”

Dino, however, was as insistent as ever. He picked up the bowl and started walking back to the castle. “I’ll ask Ryujin for more strawberries. Don’t disappear on me, okay?”

You spared him a single glance before looking elsewhere. “No promises.”

Dino laughed to himself, the words almost escaping his ears as he marched back to the castle with a little extra speed. He knew you wouldn’t leave—at least he hoped he knew. He wanted to trust himself, to trust you, but you were unpredictable. Thankfully, a little unpredictability was hardly an issue for him.

Though honestly, if you wanted to leave at any time, you definitely would. But with the promise of your favorite fruit, the urge to leave was just a bit short of overwhelming at the moment. Shifting yourself to lie on your stomach, you started to take notice of all the different things that Dino had packed with him on this picnic. All of your favorites…even the things you hadn’t gotten to taste in years. How could he know about any of this? You grumbled at the thought of Ryujin or any of the chefs selling you out.

You also took notice of the white rose sticking out of the basket. While they were the official flower of Kasmira, you were sure he must’ve had a secret stash of these somewhere because to be honest, you were getting tired of seeing them. But this one looked especially delicate, you couldn’t help but reach forward and take it in your hands, twirling it around and even holding it to your nose to take in the faint scent.

The sound of Dino’s footsteps on the gravel path had you looking over your shoulder, noticing he came back with an even bigger bowl of strawberries than he had left with. His classic smile returned to his face when he saw that your eyes had widened.

“I hope you don’t mind, but Ryujin insisted on giving you a bigger bowl. Said that you’d have no problem finishing the entire thing.” Him saying that had you coming back to your senses. Ryujin was just asking to be put out of a job going and telling those things to Dino.

You turned away, gazing down at the bowl when Dino set it in front of you. He sat himself down next to you, choosing to stay silent as he watched you set the rose to the side and pull the bowl closer to you.

“How did you know I liked all this stuff?” You asked quietly. Dino let out some sort of confused dound, and you sighed. “The food, I mean. Like…the strawberries. I haven’t had them in ages.”

Dino nodded, having understood what you meant. “When I told Ryujin I wanted to do this for you, she told me about all of the foods you always eat.” He laughed. “Really, I didn’t realize that you could be so choosy with your food. Do you know how hard it is to get fresh strawberries at this time if the year?”

“Oh fuck off.” Dino gasped, his mouth falling open at your sudden vulgarity. You were surprised too, covering your mouth with one of your hands once the words you had said sunk in. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

“I didn’t know the Princess of Sokoto had such a filthy mouth,” He mumbled. For a brief moment, you were actually wondering if he was serious, but the smirk that slowly appeared on his face gave him away. Unable to fight the urges telling you not to, you hit him in the arm, biting back grin when he winced. “I didn’t know you hit so hard, either.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Your Highness.” You stared at the strawberry in your hand, taking one bite before placing it back in the bowl. “I shouldn’t eat any more. The chefs will be preparing dinner soon.”

“Leaving so soon?” He asked, and you nodded. “Alright then, should I escort you back?” He extended one of his hands towards you, and you stared at it for a moment, but still ended up declining. You didn’t miss the glint of disappointment in his eyes, either.

“We should do this again sometime.” You noted. “And I’m not saying that because I want to be around you, but because I enjoyed the food.”

Ah, there it was again, that classic bright smile.

“Also, you smile too much. I don’t like it.”

You had been right about the strawberries. They did end up spoiling your appetite. You stared down at your plate, many of the contents on your plate going uneaten before you excused yourself to your room, Ryujin trailing behind as usual.

“[Y/n], what’s the matter? Was something wrong at dinner?” She asked, following you around as you threw yourself into bed. “Is it so bad you’re not even going to bother to change out of your outfit from today? Seriously, it’s going to get all wrinkled, and that’s just extra work for Yeji to do later.”

“I ate too many strawberries.” You stated. “Though I’m sure you know about that, right?”

Ryujin looked away, shrugging and shaking her head. “I’m not sure that I do, actually,” She mumbled, pairing it with an awkward laugh when she noticed you glaring at her. “Anyway, how was your little date with Prince Dino?”

“Ryujin, it was not a date. And even if it was, it would’ve been a pretty shitty date considering he left me in the middle of it.”

“Ah, c’mon, he came back! And he came bearing gifts!” She tried to reason with you, which you found both pointless and confusing.

You rolled your eyes, burying your head under the blankets, despite Ryujin’s protests that you would mess up your hair and get more wrinkles in your clothes. It wasn’t really a date, was it? Is that what dates were? Just being around another person, having them close by, talking (or not talking) to each other about whatever crossed your mind? That was a date? No way, you knew what a date was and whatever you and Dino had going on definitely wasn’t that. People went on dates when they loved each other, when there was romance budding and underlying tension. Yeah, that definitely wasn’t a date.

“Are you seriously not going to change out of that?” Ryujin asked, trying to pull down the blankets, but you were, unsurprisingly, stronger. With a sigh, she backed away. “Fine, but if Yeji asks me why your outfits are so wrinkled, I’m telling her.” You lowered the blanket just low enough to see her march out of the room and slam your door shut.

Normally, you would’ve fallen asleep after just a few minutes with your eyes closed. However, your stomach still felt funny and you tossed and turned every few minutes. We’re those strawberries really fresh? Would Dino serve you rotten strawberries? No, of course not…they were too red to be out of season. Not only that, but there was little chance Dino would do anything like that to you. He was too nice. The reason your parents ever think you two were some sort of match made and heaven was beyond you.

You couldn’t sleep yet. Not like this. Not with the ache in your stomach and the thoughts racing around in your head. Sighing, you gathered the little strength you had left to roll yourself out of bed, wandering through the halls and corridors until you needed up outside, at the front of the castle. A deep breath, followed by a slow exhale, and your head fell back towards the sky. The night sky was clear and vast and full of stars, and you felt your lips curl into a smile.

The stars understood you. When everyone else had abandoned you, abandoned your family, you sought comfort in the starry night sky. The stars never turned you away. The stars never betrayed you. The stars never forced you to do anything you couldn’t decide on. When you died, you hoped you became a star. They would surely accept you with open arms, like a real family.

You were so caught up in your thoughts, you hadn’t even noticed someone approaching you. A tall, blonde, someone.

“So you like the stars?” Dino asked, and you jumped a little. He took a step back, feeling bad for having startled you. “Sorry, [Y/n]. It’s just me.”

You furrowed your eyebrows and stared at him, but turned your attention quickly back to the sky. “What are you doing out here?”

“I could ask you that too.” He said, following your gaze and looking up. “It’s late for a princess to be alone outside at night.”

“My stomach hurts.” You told him. “From the strawberries. A walk always helps.”

“That was hours ago.” He said. “That’s weird. They were definitely fresh. Are you sure it was the strawberries?”

“What else could it have been?” You asked, your tone a bit harsher than you intended. You sighed, deciding to change the subject. “What about you? Why are you out here? I thought you went back home.”

“It’s not like I live far.” He had a point…kind of. Kasmira was your closest neighbor, only being about a few hundred miles to the east. You were seriously wondering how he managed to get here every day and still have so much time to spend entertaining the hope of getting to coax you out of your room to spend time with him. “Aww, are you worried about me?”

“Don’t go talking like that.” You told him. “Unless you want me to hit you again.”

Dino chuckled, breaking his eyes away from the sky to look at you. “You never answered my question from earlier.”

“Which one? I’m not keeping count.”

“Do you like the stars?”

You managed to look away from the stars to allow your eyes to meet Dino’s, even if only for a second. “Yeah. I always have.”

He stepped closer. “Why?”

“Because…” You hesitated. Why were you hesitating? “I just do.”

You froze, feeling something wet and warm sliding down your cheek. Dino gasped, coming even closer to see you clearly.

“You just ‘do?’ Is that really all there is to it?”

“Why do you keep asking me so many questions?” When you came out here, you had been hoping for a moment of peace and quiet. A chance to vent your frustrations to the sky, like you had done since you could talk. This was your one chance for a little bit of solitude, and you hadn’t wanted anyone intruding on it.

“I was thinking about what you said before,” He said. “When you told me there was a lot I didn’t know about you. You were right, I don’t know a lot about you.”

Okay, great. Now you were starting to feel bad about getting so upset. You sighed, lowering your head and looking at the ground. “I’ve always liked the stars. I just…find comfort in them.”

Dino wondered if you were going to say more, but you kept your lips pursed, and he figured there was more to it that you weren’t saying. That was fine, he wouldn’t push an answer out of you if you weren’t ready, he was just grateful you had confided in him. This was progress, even if it was only a small step forward.

The two of you continued to stand there in silence, looking everywhere but at each other. There was a strange feeling in the air, and it made you uncomfortable. Was this tension? Could Dino feel it too?

“Um, I should probably get back to bed.” You said, noticing Dino nod out of the corner of your eye. Like before, he extended his hand to you, and once again you declined. “Good night, Your Highness.”

“Good night, [Y/n].”

The next morning, you did something you hadn’t done in a long time.

You shocked Ryujin.

“What are you doing awake already?” She questioned. “Is it opposite day? Am I still dreaming?”

“Oh you’re so funny, Ryujin.” You said, sliding past her and out of the door.

“Where are you going? And how are you already dressed? You did my job for me…am I getting fired?”

You laughed. “Relax. I’m just going to the orchard.” Ryujin narrowed her eyes at how casual you seemed, not even trying to hide her skepticism.

“The orchard? For what? We have plenty of apples here. Too many, if I’m being honest. Where are you really going?”

“Ryujin, really, what reason do you have not to trust me?”

“I have several. An entire list, actually.” She said. “Seems like I’ll be making an addition to it today.

“Ryujin, I’m giving you a day off, don’t you get it?” You asked her. “Now I suggest you take it before I make you do your job.”

Her demeanor changed in an instant.

“You are most gracious, Your Highness.” She bowed to you and then ran off to who knows where, probably the maids quarters, no doubt. Whatever, that was her business. Just like your trip to the orchard with Prince Dino was yours.

Since the picnic, he had stopped with the other gifts—well, he still sent you the flowers—and had started planning on bringing you out, starting with Kasmira’s renowned apple orchard. Kasmiran apples were spoken about in every corner of every kingdom, known for their distinctive flavor and sweetness. You’d be lying if you said you never wanted to try one for yourself, and now you would finally get the chance.

He was waiting for you with a carriage, which he offered to help you into.

You raised one of your eyebrows. “What, you think I need your help to sit down?” When he pouted, you gave him a light shove. “I’m only kidding. But really, I’ve got it.”

“That was a joke?” He asked, climbing in and sitting across from you. “I’m shocked. I didn’t know you even had a sense of humor.”

“Excuse me?”

“Ah, no, I didn’t mean it like that. You’re just normally so…serious. If you hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t have known you were kidding.”

You tilted your head back, resting it on the solid interior of the carriage. “The only person I ever joke with is Ryujin.” You explained to him. “She gets me. It’s easy to laugh with her.”

“You laugh too?” He just couldn’t stop. “I’ll believe it when I hear it.” He teased.

You glared at him, opening your mouth to say something, but decided against it. Instead, you turned your head to look out of the window, watching the landscape as it came into view and faded out of sight with the movement with the carriage.

“Will we be there soon?” You asked, wanting nothing more than to get to Kasmira as fast as possible to get your hands on one (or five) of those apples you had heard so much about.

“Yeah…” Dino nodded, then stopped and shook his head. “No, it’ll be about fifty minutes.”

Great, fifty minutes until you got to taste the rumored honey and heaven apples. Fifty minutes left riding inside this tiny little compartment with too little space keeping you and Dino apart. Just great.

To your surprise, the ride had been faster than you expected. It might’ve had something to do to the nap you took on the way, but that was neither here nor there. Dino placed a hand on your shoulder, softly shaking you awake.

“Hm?” You hummed, the clutches of sleep still gripping your brain. You blinked yourself awake, gasping when you saw the field of trees from the carriage window. “We’re here!”

Dino opened the door, sliding out of the seat and holding the door open for you. You practically jumped out, an awestruck smile on your face as you stared up at the trees littered with the soft pink apples.

Dino smiled softly at your enthusiasm, watching as you stood up as tall as you could and plucked an apple off a branch, happily bringing it to your mouth to take a bite.

Oh god, the rumors did no justice to describe the taste of these apples. You had never tasted anything as fresh and crisp in your entire life. Giving Dino a quick glance, you continued to bite into the apple over and over again until he pulled it away from you, laughing.

“So, what do you think?”

You covered your mouth with one hand, trying to chew and swallow what was in your mouth, before nodding with a smile. “They’re amazing! I’ve never tasted anything so good in my life!” You took the apple back from Dino’s hands, taking the last few bites before you had finished it off.

“Then let’s get you a few more, hmm?” He said, pressing a hand against the small of your back while he reached up to grab a few more apples and drop them into the basket he had brought with him in his other hand. You froze, your skin burning at the feeling of his hands on your body.

“Um…Prince Dino?” You mumbled, catching his attention. You had never called him by anything other than “Your Highness” since the two of you first met, and he was definitely shocked to hear you say those words.

“Yes, [Y/n]?” He said, looking down at you but never moving his hand from your back.

“Your—your hand…” Dino looked down at his hand was, immediately pulling it away from where it had been, and in an instant you felt the warmth that had been there fade away.

“Oh, I’m so sorry [Y/n], I didn’t even realize.” He apologized. Without another word, he leaned down to pick up the basket and handed it to you. “Here you go, [Y/n]. Should I come with you to—”

“No!” You shouted, though you hadn’t meant to raise your voice. “No, no. There’s no need. I’ll go back on my own.”

Dino wanted to say something, but you had already turned your back to him, rushing back to the carriage and telling the driver to bring you back to Sokoto before he could. Glancing out of the window, you noticed him standing under the tree, watching you get farther and farther away, his arms limp at his sides.

You brought a hand to your chest, feeling your heart beat twice as fast than it should have been. This shouldn’t have been happening. This was exactly the reason you didn’t want him touching you, the reason you had refused to touch him, because you knew that if it happened, you wouldn’t be able to control how it would affect you. Even though it had been such a harmless, domestic, innocent touch, if it could get this much of a reaction out of you, maybe you should get stricter on the “no touching” rule.

This is not at all how you thought today would turn out.

The next day things had gone back to the way they had been in the beginning; with you holed up in your room, avoiding Dino. And it was like that for the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. Ryujin had tried to get you outside, or at the very least to the dinner table, but her persistence couldn’t stand a chance against your stubbornness. Once a week had passed since the apple incident, Ryujin couldn’t take it any more.

“Enough is enough [Y/n]. You haven’t left your room in a week. Dino won’t stop hounding me with questions about where you are every day, and I can’t take it anymore!” She huffed. “You need to get up and go see him so I don’t have to.”

“Ryujin, I can’t.” You said with a heavy sigh. “It’s just…complicated.”

“How complicated could things really be?”

More complicated than you would’ve liked. “I just can’t see him right now.”

“Well that’s too bad, because I told him you would.” Ryujin shrugged. “He’ll be here later, so we have to make you look…like you again, now.”

“Ryujin, I’m tired of you trying to play matchmaker. Are my parents paying you to do this to me?” You asked, your tone nothing short of accusatory.

“I’m doing this because you don’t need to be locked up in this room all day. Not only that, but I can tell how much you and Dino like spending time with each other.”

The rebuttal in your mind died in your throat at the last sentence Ryujin had said. The time you had spend with Dino recently hadn’t been all bad…but what did she know?

“Now get up. Unless you want Dino to come over and see you like…that.” She gestured to your overall disheveled appearance, a grimace on her face.

“Oh yeah, like you’re not a sight for sore eyes.” You hissed, then broke out into laughter along with Ryujin a second later. “Fine, whatever, I’m getting up.”

The next hour consisted of a long, soapy bubble bath, followed by Ryujin washing and doing your hair, and finally her picking out the finest outfit for you to wear just in time for Dino’s arrival in his favorite rendezvous point: the Sokoto castle gardens.

Fuck, you were so nervous.

Dino arrived with a single white rose in his hand and a smile, thrilled to be able to see you again. Ryujin bowed and wandered off, leaving with. Alone. Again.

“For you.” He said, handing the rose to you. You looked down at it before you gingerly took it from him and thanked him with a fleeting smile.

“Thank you.”

Awkward silence. The worst type of silence. This is exactly why you wanted to avoid him, to prevent all of these unnecessary feelings.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable that day…at the orchard.” He said. “And my apology was so shitty, I—”

“Dino, stop. Don’t apologize. It’s…It’s okay. I shouldn’t have run off on you like that. It was rude of me.”

Dino stepped closer, noticing the way your body tensed up when he did. “[Y/n], what’s going on?”

“I…I don’t want you to touch me.” You whispered. The grip you had on the rose was starting to hurt your hand. Dino gave you a curious and worried look.

“Why?”

“…Because when you touched me at the orchard, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way before in my life.”

You expected many different reactions from Dino. You expected him to back away, to call you strange or disgusting. You expected him to go running back to Kasmira as fast has his feet would carry him, to start avoiding you like you had been avoiding him. You even expected him to ask to call off the marriage agreement and find someone better, or nicer, or prettier.

You never expected him to pull you close, cursing under his breath and pulling your face up to look at him.

“Really, baby?” He asked, his voice suddenly soft, a direct contract to the way his eyes darkened. “Is that why you’ve been so adamant on not letting me touch you?”

A tentative nod of your head had Dino chuckling. “Now it all makes sense. Don’t worry baby, I’ll make you feel a thousand times better…only if you want to, though.”

“Yes, please,” your words came out hushed and breathy and shaky, allowing Dino to guide you you backwards onto the grass and gently push you backwards while he hovered above you.

Dino slid his hands down your body, seemingly pleased at the way you shivered when his fingers traced over your underwear, pushing up the button of your dress to see how drenched they were.

“Oh, baby,” Dino sucked in a sharp breath, pulling them to the side and biting his lip once he had seen how wet you actually were. “Is this all because of me?”

You nodded, covering your mouth to keep any noise from escaping. “Couldn’t stop thinking about you.” You mumbled from behind your hand, making sure your voice was loud enough for him to hear you clearly.

He ran two of his fingers up and down your slit before pushing one of them inside of you, pressing the pad of his thumb against your clit, all the while you squirmed beneath him, working hard to trap the moans that threatened to spill out of your lips.

“Baby, don’t be so nervous,” he said, adding a second finger inside of you and curling them just enough so that you finally let your hands fall away from your mouth and let your moans out. “That’s it, keep moaning like that for me. Fuck, you sound so pretty.”

“Dino…f-fuck. Don’t stop…” You ground your hips up into his hand, your mind growing foggy with pleasure as Dino increased the speed of his fingers. You were embarrassed at how easily his fingers slid in and out of you from how wet you continued to get.

Dino lowered his head, bringing his lips to your neck, kissing and sucking at any exposed skin he could find. He thrived at the way your moans grew louder and more urgent, switching the position of his fingers, opting for a scissoring motion and pressing his lips together to keep in a moan of his own. “Your thighs are starting to shake, love. Gonna cum for me?”

You nodded weakly, arching your back when you felt Dino add a third finger inside of you. Your skin felt hot and sticky and sweaty all over, and the only thing you could say when you felt your orgasm hit you like an earthquake was “Dino, Dino, Dino,” over and over again.

“That’s my girl,” Dino mumbled, fingering you through your high, pulling them out of you once you wrapped a hand around his wrist. You watched with wide eyes as he brought them to his lips, sucking them clean and moaning at the taste of you. “You taste so sweet, baby.”

“Don’t say thatttttt.” You whined, pushing him down onto the grass while you sat yourself upright. Wasting no time, you immediately brought one of your hands to his crotch, palming over the bulge that had been growing inside of his pants. “Ooh, what’s this? Is this all because of me?” You mimicked the words he had said to you earlier, grinning when he nodded and pushed his hips up into your hand.

“Baby, come on, you’re really gonna tease me right now?” Dino asked, unable to stop his hips from moving. As much as you wanted to tease him, there would be plenty of opportunities to do that another time. Right now, you wanted so badly to taste him, to feel him in your mouth and hear him moan for you like you had done for him.

You tugged down his pants and underwear, just enough so that his cock could spring free, and you drooled at the sight, noticing the bead of pre cum that had collected at his tip, and now it was time for Dino to be the embarrassed one.

“So…big.” You mumbled, wrapping your hand around him and giving him a few slow pumps, squeezing him once to see what his reaction would be. A hoarse groan served as your answer. “Can I…use my mouth on you?”

“Of course you can baby,” Dino nodded all too eagerly, watching with rapt attention as you brought your lips closer and closer to his cock. You have his tip a few kitten licks, the slightly salty taste spreading onto your taste buds. To be honest, you really didn’t know how to do this, the request coming from a carnal place inside of you. You were stalking for time so you could recall the words in a book you once read that had a scene similar to this moment in it. Once you had the faintest idea of how to proceed, you wrapped your lips firmly around his cock, feeling him rest his hands on the top of your head for stability.

Feeling you swirl your tongue around him, flicking your tongue across the slit as your head bobbed up and down had Dino absolutely reeling beneath you. He gripped your hair, shoving it all the way down to the base as he thrust his hips up into your mouth, gagging as a few tears starting to form in your eyes. “S-Sorry baby, shit, I can’t help myself…you’re s-so good with this cute little mouth of y-yours, fuck. Gonna fuckin’ cum already.”

You hummed in acknowledgment, letting Dino continue to fuck your mouth. He had pulled you back slightly when he registered your gagging, allowing you to wrap your hands around what didn’t fit in your mouth. You stroked him as fast as he tugged your head up and down, feeling your saliva trickle down your lips, chin, and all the way down Dino’s cock. When his hips stilled, you thought for a slight second that something was wrong, but the next second you felt his cum shoot into your mouth and down your throat, and he released his grip on your hair as he laid back and panted.

Recalling the words in the book once again, you swallowed—unfortunately you had done so a bit too fast, and you coughed and patted your chest to keep yourself from choking. The last thing you wanted to do right now was die in front of Dino after you had just sucked him off after he had just fingered you. Dino helped you by patting your back. Once your breathing had gone back to normal, he smiled at you, and you returned the gesture.

“Wow, you were right,” You mumbled. “I do feel a thousand times better.”

“Does this mean we can ban the no touching rule?”

You narrowed your eyes at him with a grin, giving him a pinch on his thigh. Dino hissed in pain, scrambling to pull up his underwear and pants. “Consider that a yes.”

The next few weeks were nothing short of amazing. There was a minuscule, growing spark between you and Dino now, and it resided inside of your heart, and you felt no desire to let it die out or even to extinguish it.

Dino took you on several dates, yes, dates, in this time frame, always with an added personal touch. He brought you to a local Kasmiran bakery and then let you ride his thigh on the carriage ride home. He took you to a winery in Vaelia then ate you out behind the building. He asked you to tag along while he went sightseeing in Sokoto and had you cockwarm him in the carriage the whole time. With each of these, the spark in your heart continued to grow. 

At this rate, it was only a jagged of time before it grew to become a fire.

You were up early again this morning, having thought of the most wonderful idea in bed the night before. Today, you were going to Kasmira all on your own to surprise Dino. Sure, yes, you had been to Kasmira before, but never had you been to the castle. You would even bring him some tarts made from the tangerines you had picked in the Sokotoan tangerine fields on Tuesday with Dino before he asked you to sit on his face. That was a good day.

Ryujin couldn’t be happier for you, though at some times during this new stage in the relationship between you and Dino she felt like she couldn’t keep up with the new you. Though recently, you had been giving her more days to herself as you insisted on doing all the work for yourself.

You were getting ready to go, opening the door of your room, shocked to see Chaeryeong already standing there, seemingly spacing out again with a round golden container in her hands.

“Um…Chaeryeong?” You mumbled, waving a hand in front of her face. That seemed enough to snap her out of it, and she focused her gaze on you with a smile.

“Ah, sorry Your Highness! Here are the tarts, freshly baked just for you. Lia was going to deliver them, but then she remembered she had something to do with Ryujin at the last minute.”

You took the container from her and smiled. “Thank you. Oh, and tell the cooks I said thank you as well.” Chaeryeong nodded, bowing to you before excusing herself. You shut your door behind you, making your way out of the castle and to a carriage as fast as you could. When the driver asked where to, you happily chirped out “Kasmira, please,” and asked him to get you there as quick as he could. For all fifty minutes, you couldn’t sit still for longer than a few seconds. You just couldn’t wait to see Dino again, to hold him close and feed him your tarts. He’d probably ask if you made them, and even though you hadn’t, he’d still say they were the best things he’d ever tasted second to you. Then you’d get flustered, hit him, and let him bury himself between your thighs for as long as he wanted.

Long story short, you really wanted to see Dino. Really badly.

Upon your arrival to the Kasmiran castle, you rushed out of the carriage and into the castle, asking around until you found out that Dino was in the Kasmiran royal gardens. Thanking them, you hurried your way there, smiling when you took notice of his signature blonde hair. You were just about to call his name when he laughed, leaning his head back, and you saw a woman sitting beside him, looking at him with a smile on her face.

You felt your mouth go dry as it fell open in disbelief.

Princess Miyoung, the Princess of Hisia, was here in Kasmira. She was sitting next to Dino. Laughing with him. Touching his arm. You let out a shaky breath, a tightening feeling growing in your chest. What was she doing here? Why was she with him? What had she said to make him laugh like that? Fuck, you couldn’t take this. You had to get out of here. You turned around, having your third shock of the day to see Dino’s parents standing in the hallway behind you.

“Oh! Princess [Y/n],” His mother said, obviously surprised to see you standing there. “I wasn’t aware you were here. Is there something you need, honey?”

You shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut with your head to the ground. There was no way you were making a scene, not in front of Dino’s parents. “N-No, uh…I just came to drop off these…tarts. For Dino.” You mumbled, pushing the container into the hands of the King.

“Well, what a lovely sentiment! We’ll be sure to give these to him then dear. I’m sure he’ll be happy to—”

“[Y/n]?” Dino’s smooth voice filled your ears and you squeezed your eyes shut tighter. You didn’t turn to face him, you couldn’t, not if when you opened them you would see Miyoung standing there beside him, her presence alone enough to taunt you. “[Y/n], what wrong?”

“I have to go.” You said, scurrying out of the castle and back to the carriage. Dino chased after you, managing to catch up just before the carriage could start moving.

“What’s the matter? You just got here and now you’re leaving? Stay.” He reached through the open window to hold your hand, but you pulled it away and glared at him.

“Why? You shouldn’t need me when you have Miyoung here to entertain you in my place.” You retorted. Dino’s face fell, and you could only beat yourself up mentally for letting yourself get roped in by him. Of course he didn’t care about you. There was no way he could ever feel the same way about you as you did about him. You were fooling yourself for even thinking that for a second, Dino’s feelings were the same as yours.

“[Y/n], it isn’t like that, please just let me explain—”

You brought your hand up, placing it in front of his face to signal him to stop talking. “Don’t bother, Your Highness.”

For the second time, Dino watched you disappear from him, to let you slip through his hands like grains of sand, and stand to the side powerless as you faded away.

This cycle seemed impossible to break.

For the umpteenth time, here you were, locked away in your room, refusing to see Dino no matter how many times he had begged. You cried every day, drowning your sorrows in bottles upon bottles of wine, dragging yourself to the window to sob to the stars once night had come. You kept the door lock, adamant on not letting anyone see you in such a state. Unfortunately, Ryujin had picked the lock of your bedroom door with a handmade lock pick she got from Yeji because you “needed to eat” so you wouldn’t die before the wedding.

To hell with that wedding, and to hell with the groom.

You sat up in bed, your hands still gripping the nearly empty wine bottle and your cheeks still stained with last nights tears. You brought the bottle to your lips, finishing it off and tossing it aside into the bed. With heavy feet, you dragged yourself to the vanity in the corner of the room, sitting down to take in your reflection.

What have I become, you asked yourself. Who am I? Sighing, you smoothed out the wrinkles in your clothes and tried to make your hair look less unkempt. You wished Yuna was here, she was the hair expert. Ryujin always preferred to keep it simple whenever she did your hair, but she had admitted to you that she learned everything she knew from the younger girl.

A knock at the door had you rolling your eyes.

“Go away, Ryujin. I don’t want breakfast.”

The door opened slightly, and you turned around with a scowl on your face. But then your face changed—softened. Ryujin wasn’t at the door.

“Sorry, I’m not Ryujin.” Dino mumbled, cautiously entering your room before shutting it behind him. “Can we…talk? I haven’t seen you in weeks, [Y/n]. I’m really worried.”

His tone of voice was so gentle and sincere you almost forgot why you were mad at him. Almost. The reason why came flooding back to your brain instantly, and you turned away from him.

“I have nothing to say to you.” You said to him, crossing your arms over your chest.

“[Y/n], please don’t be like that. You left before I had the chance to explain back at the castle.”

“Explain what?” You stood up, whipping around to face him. “Explain what you were doing with the Princess of Hisia? You know what they did to us.” Your last sentence came out quieter—sadder.

“Who is ‘us’?”

“Me! My family! The rest of Sokoto! That is who ‘us’ is, Dino!”

“Why are you grouping yourself with them?” As hard as Dino tried to understand you, in this moment he just…couldn’t. “The war wasn’t your fault, and there was nothing you could’ve done to change what had already happened.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that Hisia stabbed us in the back. And there you were, with the Princess of the first nation that decided to betray us.” You pointed your finger at him. “You’re a traitor.”

“I’m sorry that I have friends, [Y/n], and you don’t. But when your kingdom decides to stay out of unnecessary political affairs that you aren’t a part of, you get keep your allies. I’m sorry if that’s something you or your parents don’t realize because you’re so insistent on being cold and unfeeling, but that’s not what we do in Kasmira.”

Everything he said hurt more because not one part of it was false. But you couldn’t back down now. You had to do something to regain control over the argument.

Even if it meant sending him away.

“Get out.”

Dino raked his hands through his hair, and you could tell that his patience with you was running thin. “No, [Y/n]. I’m not leaving you while you’re like this.”

You glared at him. “I said get out! I don’t ever want to see you again! Go marry somebody else!”

As soon as the words came out of your mouth, the look on Dino’s face was enough to make you regret saying them. You had never seen him go from looking so shocked and heartbroken before, not even the slightest bit. But now…now you had. At it was all because of you.

“Why would I want to marry someone else?”

Silence. Long, heavy, painful silence. Neither one of you looked away from the other or spoke, until finally, after what felt like forever, you found an answer.

“Because I know someone out there is a better match for you than I am.”

“What? [Y/n], what are you talking about? That’s not what I want at all.”

“You…you don’t mean that.” You couldn’t even look at him right now, not if you wanted to believe what you were saying no matter how untrue it was.

“I do, [Y/n]. I mean it. I’ve wanted to marry you since the first time I saw you. Even if you kept running from me. Even if you pushed me away. Even if I could only see you on your time.” Nothing could prepare you for the words he said next. “Because I love you, [Y/n].”

You stiffened, finally finding the strength to raise your head to look at him “What did you say?”

“I said I love you.” He repeated. “Should I say it again, baby?”

“N-No, you can’t…” You whimpered, leaning into Dino’s chest as you felt tears brimming at your waterline. “Please take it back…”

“Take it back? No, why would I ever do that? I really mean it. I’d never say I love you and not mean it, [Y/n].”

“Why do you love me? What is there to love, Dino?”

Dino frowned, wrapping his arms around you and hugging you tightly.

“You have the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. Every time you laugh, I laugh, because it’s so infectious. You’re such a good friend to Ryujin. When you eat something you like, you can’t stop until you’ve finished it all. You don’t make the best jokes ever, but you’re learning.” He said, laughing a little once he had finished. “And those are just my favorite things about you.”

You wrapped your arms around Dino, running your hands up and down his back, forcing yourself to believe that yes, this was reality. He was here, he was real, and he loved you. “I’m sorry.” You mumbled, the sound of your voice quiet.

“What was that?”

“I said I’m sorry.” You pulled back slightly so that he could hear your voice clearly. “I shouldn’t have ignored you, or run from you, or any of it. I…” Deep breath, you could do it. “I love you too.”

“Is all that true, baby?” You nodded, and Dino immediately pulled you back to his chest, hugging you even tighter. “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that.”

“You mean it?” You asked, wanting to make sure that he was serious. “Not just ‘cause we’re supposed to get married, right?”

His laughter was music to your ears. “Of course not, baby. I love you either way.”

You smiled, tilting your head up so Dino could wipe away your stray tears.

Dino nodded, pulling you back again so he could look you in the eyes. “Yeah, I love you, baby.” His eyes flickered down to your lips before coming back to your eyes. “Can I kiss you?”

A nod of your head is all it takes before he’s pressing his lips to yours. You had never been kissed by anyone before, but the way Dino kissed you was enough to make you glad that this was the first kiss you had ever gotten. The kiss was slow and tender, and you unconsciously chased his lips when he attempted to pull away, wrapping your arms around his neck to keep him in place. Dino smiled against your lips, the two of you only pulling away once the need for air went from mild to severe.

“Again?” You asked, and Dino immediately pulled you in again. The kiss was different this time, it was faster and sloppier, the initial tenderness of the first being replaced by a newfound desperation now that you two knew that what you were feeling was the same. Dino loved you, and you loved Dino.

You didn’t fight it when Dino started to guide you backwards, your body hitting the bed with a bounce. Dino slipped his hands under your thighs, flipping up the bottom of your silk nightgown and pulling down your underwear and tossing it onto the floor. He cupped your cunt with one hand, the palm of his hand pressed flat against your clit.

“Dino, please…”

“Please what, baby? Don’t you want me to play with this cute little pussy like always?” He asked, feeling the way your arousal stuck to his hand as he circles your entrance with one of his fingers. You shook your head, holding onto his wrist with your hand.

“Just want you to fuck me.”

Dino groaned, resting his hands on your hips and pushing your nightgown up even further. “Yeah? You sure, baby?”

You nodded, your skin flushed with heat. “Mhm, want your cock, Dino.”

God, just when he thought you couldn’t get any more beautiful, and that he couldn’t get any harder, you just continued to surprise him.

“Who am I to deny the Princess?” He smirked, making quick work of removing his clothes. While he was doing that, you pulled off your nightgown and threw it and your bra aside, both of them landing somewhere on the floor with the rest of your clothes. Dino laid you back down on the bed, climbing on top of you while he ran his hands all over your body, grinning at the way you moaned and trembled when he teased your nipples.

“Dino, please,” You whined, and he chuckled softly.

“Okay, okay, sorry. I just can’t help myself,” He mumbled, reaching down to pump his cock a few times before lining it up at your entrance. “Ready, baby?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Ready.”

Dino eased into your cunt slowly, giving you the chance to adjust to him, all the while he swallowed your whimpers and whines by kissing you. When he had pushed himself all the way inside, he tore his lips away from yours to bite down on your shoulder, resisting the urge to start moving his hips already. The two of you stayed like that for a little while before you  told him it was alright to start moving.

“So perfect, so pretty,” Dino mumbled, holding one of his hands holding onto your hip while the other had both of your wrists pinned above your head. He thrusted into you slowly, pulling himself out almost all the way before slamming back inside of you. “I can’t believe I get to have you like this, baby, fuck.”

“M-me too.” You shuddered, your body slowly traveling further up the bed each time he thrusted into you. “Love it, love you, love your cock, shit…”

“Love you too baby, so much,” He whispered, speeding up the speed of his thrusts, a quiet grunt coming out of his mouth when he felt your walls clenching around him. “Fuck…gonna cum for me already baby? Hm?”

Your response was lost in a series of strangled noises of pleasure as you felt your orgasm creeping up on you. Dino pulled the hand pinning your wrists away and brought it down to the point where your bodies were connected, rubbing your clit in quick circles. You cried out, rolling your hips against him, your eyes rolling back into your head as you came undone beneath him.

“That’s it baby, I’ve got you,” He groaned, speeding up even more as he continued to thrust through your high. Once you had caught your breath, his hips jerked forward one last time before you felt his hit cum filling you up. You tried to pull him closer, figuring that he was done, but Dino flipped you over and ran the head of his cock along your slit, making you whine from the overstimulation.

“Just one more, baby. I cant get enough of this sweet little pussy,” He pushed in without warning, and you screamed, shocked at yourself for just how loud you were being.

“Ngh, Dino, c-can’t take it,” You whined, your head falling down onto the pillows and your mouth hanging open as you surrendered yourself to the pleasure.

“Shh, I know you can take it baby,” Dino whispered, pulling you up so your back was flush against his chest, bringing his head to the crook of your neck, taking a long deep inhale and sighing with content. “You smell so fucking good.”

You can feel his pounding in his chest against your back, your head falling backwards as you felt your second orgasm approaching. “G-Gonna cum again…” Dino couldn’t even brace himself before your walls clamped down against his cock, whispering curses against your skin, and felt his own release envelop him for the second time today too.

You fell forward onto the bed, your eyes closed as you steadied your breathing once again. Dino collapsed beside you, draping an arm over your waist and pulling you close. You turned your head over your shoulder to look at him and smiled.

“That was amazing.”

“Not as amazing as you, baby,” He murmured, stroking your hair with his hand. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“I love you most.”

You gripped Ryujin’s shoulders, much to her pain, because she was trying desperately to pry them away.

“[Y/n], your nails are digging into my skin,” She groaned, and only then did you pull your hands away.

“Sorry, Ryujin.” You ran your down the front of your dress, taking deep breaths to steady your nerves. “I just don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

“Of course you are,” Yeji shook her head with a smile on her face. “You look beautiful, [Y/n]. You just go out there, walk down the aisle, and tell Dino those two words that will join you forever.”

“Cum inside?” Ryujin asked, earning her a smack from Lia.

“No, I do.” Lia sighed, then turned to look at you. “I’m so glad you chose us to be your bridesmaids.”

“Yeah!” Yuna agreed, then shuffled around Chaeryeong and Yeji so she was next to you. “By the way, when you throw the bouquet, is there any chance you can sum it towards me?”

“She won’t see us, Yuna. There’s no way she’ll know who she’s throwing at.” Chaeryeong said with a quiet sigh. “I’m really so happy for you, [Y/n]. Dino is the perfect match for you.”

Yeah, if you heard her say that a few months ago, you would not have believed her. You might have even questioned why she would say such a thing. But after everything you and Dino have been through, you could finally agree.

Your father approached you and the girls, a smile on his face as he looked at you. “Oh honey, you look so beautiful. I never thought this day would come.” This was the first time you had seen your dad smile in years.

“What a gorgeous bride. Oh dear, I’m so happy for you,” Your mother cried, holding your head in your hands and pressing a kiss to your forehead. You couldn’t help but smile seeing your parents so happy, and all because of you.

“Thank you Mother, thank you Father.”

Yuna gasped, and everyone turned to look at her. “It’s starting!”

Your father looked at you, nodding. “Alright honey. Are you ready?”

You let out the breath you had been keeping in for a while. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” He pulled your veil over your head, intertwining his arm with yours. The two of you walked down the aisle, and you could hear the gasps and murmurs of everyone in the audience as you walked past them, all eyes on you in that present moment, especially Dino’s

Once you felt your father’s arm leave yours, you turned yourself to the right, faintly making out Dino’s face behind your veil. He reached forward, flipping the veil behind your head, his eyes softening when he got a look at your face.

“You look so gorgeous,” he whispered, and you smiled even brighter.

“And you look so handsome,” you whispered back, Dino trying to bite back the smile that continued to grow on his face.

The ceremony was beautiful, a bit longer than you had thought it would be, but it was fine with you, because Dino looked really good in that tuxedo.

“Prince Dino, do you take Princess [Y/n] to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for to love and to cherish; from this day forward?”

Dino’s hands gripped yours tighter as he nodded, staring deeply into your eyes. “I do.”

“And do you, Princess [Y/n], take Dino to be your lawfully wedded husband, in good times and bad, in joy as well as sorry, till death do you part?”

You nodded, looking back at Dino with just as much love in your eyes as he was doing with you. “I do.”

“Then by the power vested in me, I nor pronounce you, husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

The crowd before you all cheered as Dino cupped your head in his hands and pulled you forward for a kiss. This kiss felt different from the way he had kissed you before, again. This one was passionate, loving, now the two of you were complete. It was perfect.

Later on, after much cake a little drinking, and watching Lia and Yuna fight over the bouquet after you threw it between both of them, you and Dino were still waltzing on the dance floor in the middle of the rest of the guests, holding each other impossibly close, that longing love-struck look still in both of your eyes.

“I can’t believe I get to call you my wife, now,” Dino mumbled, spinning you around. You hummed, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “My perfect, pretty, sweet wife.”

“Oh stop it,” You laughed. “Sweet is a bit of a stretch, isn’t it?”

“Not at all, baby. I think you’re very sweet.” He said, then pulled you closer. “In more ways than one. Speaking of which, I can’t wait to have you all to myself tonight.”

“Again?” You asked, but you still anticipated what he would have in store for you. “You’re insatiable.”

“Well now that you’re all mine, how am I supposed to help myself?”

You just smiled and shook your head. He should be so lucky that he loved you. But then again, maybe he didn’t need to be. Not when you loved him back just as much. Forever and always, till death do you part.

[fics-lovebot]

seventeen fic recs

main masterlist

· · ♡ · · tysm to the amazing creative minds of the writers for giving me sevaral moments of joy reading your creations

i´ll be constantly updating this list so make sure to check it out often for new recs ;)))

pls remember to reblog if you like any of my recs❤️

poly

dating svt (hyung line) - LOVE IT, joshua got me on a chokehold, and wonwoo PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE :( wherecanIgetoneofthose

dating svt (maknae line) - mingyu as a back hugger is so :(((((((((, I can totally see dino writing love letters to his s/o :(((

pick-up lines - non-idol! au, fluff, silly af, my favs are jeonghan, jun, wonwoo, woozi, mingyu, chwe and chan

you take your promise ring off during a fight - performance unit, vocal unit , hip-hop unit, angsty af, made me cry a little

reaction to the camera panning to them when their idol!s/o is on stage - idol!au, idol!reader, dsfkjsdfjh the jeonghan is my fav idk

kitten ears - pwp, smut, hybrid!reader in heat, LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THIS ONE RIGHT HERE, IT´S FILTH,,,,, and my fav one is hoshi´s LDJSLFJH read it whenever you feel like having a smut fest

hip hop unit

seungcheol

let me take care of you - drabble, fluff, hubby!cheol, pregnant reader, he is straight uP husband soon-to-be-daddy material, this was so CUTE,,,

caught in a trap - smut, seunkwan´s sister!reader, older brother´s bff!cheol, face riding, he makes you beg for it, “you’ve got me in your little trap, baby. what are you gonna do with me?” SLDKJSHDFKSJ whY is he like tHAT??

as your boyfriend - he gets offended if you don´t let him pay???? now THAT´S my kind of man

whatever you say - fluff, crack, text au, #simp, this is funny lmao

wonwoo

he angry fucks you bc he lost in a video game - blurb, smut, explicittt, the title??? I can see the vision. listen the way this just escalated INMEDIATLY I-, he is ANGRY FR FR in the hottest way, just read it ok pls

he´s rough and in love - smut, just pwp, i made up the name bc it is what it is, he´s already made you cum twice but he still looks at you with eyes full of the purest love while doing the nastiest things, puthy clenching dirty talking, you talk too much, y’know that?, he wanted to keeP GOINg like,,,,sir

the peephole - smut, perv!wonu, roomies au, he´s obsessed, "Speak up, slut. Or have I fucked you completely stupid already" UMMMM?????

scented candles - e.r, fluff, idk idk idk this was cute

couple things - slice of life, fluff, “is there… a reason you’re upside down, my love?” 

needle in the hay - idol au, angst, smut, break up au, idol!reader, 97-liner! reader, poor wonu, slow burn kinda, he´s hopeless and scared and nervous

lingering looks - fluff, idol romance u, POWER COUPLEEEEEEE, I love it, this could be us but he playin

marriage -married life au, dad!wonu, his daughter (a child) wants to marry uncle gyu so he goes on cardiac arrest bc there´s no mf way bUT at least it wasnt soonyoung

workplace crush - work au, co-worker!wonu, I CAN TOTALLY SEE HIM AS "THE IT DEPARTAMENT CRUSH"!!!!! I would have had to quit, it´s too much

cat and mouse - smut, kinda red flag!wonu, "Wonwoo thinks you’re the cutest person ever. And the part of you he finds the most cute? The fact that you actually think he’s going to let you avoid him forever." FLSDUKFJHSLDKJFH

arguments - smut, “You remember how I dealt with that little attitude of yours last time?”  he´s a cocky mf

wisdom tooth surgery - fluff, reader is out of it bc of anesthesia and she cant believeee mingyu´s hot rommie is her mans, it´s a nice read

bruised - angst, fluffy ending, break up au, tough guy wonu but he´s actually a cutie pie, he´s careless about his safety, I LOVE ITTT, the angst is gewd

what you need - smut, shy!reader, soft dom!wonwoo, praise kink, JEON MF WONWOO I- LSFHSKDJFHLSJDFLH this made me blush yall, the ending too sdfksdfkh

mingyu

birthday boy - fluff, f2l, the fLIRTING!!??, i honestly blushed, my eyes got watery and everythin, i HATE IT (not) bc why is he so dreamy every TIME??, also,,, the make out sesh?? MY GODDD, i swear I felt it. he. is. inloveeeeee

first kiss - fluff, established relationship, he IS going to kiss you or else,,,,the man is obsessed

he´s big - smut, size kink,"daddy's too big for you? s'okay, princess, you can do it. you can take it. you're my good girl." CALL THE MF POLICE RN!!!!1!!!!! iminlove

big buff gyu - smut, manhandling, dom!gyu, “look at me, let me see you cry, baby” STOOOOOPPPP sksdfnslflfwkf

beach boobs babes - smut, beach au, chubby reader, big boobs, he´s suffering sfjfjdhdjdh, HE´S COCKY,, literally, shit talker, titty fuckin, he likes thicc girlsssss

pup code - fluff, smut, crack, size kink kinda, mingyu has a fat crushhhh, lowkey himbo vibes, he gets so nervous lmao, jeonghan is a lil shit, somebody help mingyu omg, wonwoo is a victim!!!!!, “I’ve never done the Zoolander face in my life!” jefjrejufriuj

sleepy talk - fluff, married au, “Do you think I’m pretty?” “Sweetheart, we’re married.”

his girl - smut, angst, emotionally unavailable reader, whipped mingyu, “i’ll fuck you forever.. as long as you want. fuck you ‘til you never wanna leave again”

funfetti - bf!gyu, birthday au, so FLUFFY I WANNA CRYYYYYYYYYY love him sm :(

hybe romance - idol!gyu, idol!reader, fluff, love itttttttttttt, THOSE PICS OF MINGYU ON PART 2 LORDDDD, if I was an idol hanging out with the 97 squad i´d be a hOE, no questions asked, bunch of men i want to fucc sitting together would be the end of me

pussy drunk - smut, pussy whipped, "i'm legit gonna kill myself if we dont fuck again", HE NEED SOME MIL

creep - smut, halloween au, serial killer!gyu, ghost!gyu, jeonghan is always starting some shit I swear, this is DIFFERENTTT and the smut is so good yall PLEASE read it

first morning together - fluff, UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :((((((( ihateithere

warm on a cold night - fluff, college au, bsf to lovers, it´s cute

daddy - smut, lowkey fluff, dom!mingy, daddy kink, SIZE KINK are we even surprised atp?, innocent! reader

drunk giant - drunk!mingyu, bc why would he try to challenge cheol to a drinking game??, wonwoo is tired, and somebody get hoshi´s lips off of seokmin!

gym and thirst - smut, those pics of mingYU NAUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WOOF WOOF SDKHWEYWRAWRRAWRAWR bc why tf would joshua do that for????? pls I love big men

mingyu´s cause of death - FLUFF, bf!gyu, this made me really want to cry myself to sleep from the beggining bc there´S NO WAAAAAAAAYYYYY :´´) so cute #simp #whipped

heater - fluff, gyu is cold,,,or is he not, “you’re literally taking all of my body heat, that’s why i’m cold,” “maybe if you didn’t insist on using my boobs as a pillow-,” “oh shut up,”

stain on the sink - fluff, e.r, slice of life, sex joke, you bleach his hair, is so domestic idkidk

cuffing season - smut, richbf!mingyu, he got a black card, good money, good job, loves spoiling you AND he´s wearing the wife beater - grey sweats combo??????? CUFF HIM UP NAAAOWWW, AND AND AND he also makes sure to fuck you without ruining your hair and nails that HE PAID FOR!!!!!! BUT since he gets a lil carried away and you chipped a nail he gives 300 dollar$$$ to get it fiixed right away LIKE????? god please when is it my turn to be happy

worshipping you - smut, sub!gyu, a short one but WHEEEWW

wet sound - smut, short one, THE DIRTY TALK!!!!!! I HATE HIMMMMMMMMMM bc wdym he makes her shut up so she can listen to her wet coochie sOUNDS????? call 911 rn

kitty - smut, THE VISUALS??!?!??! the way this played in my mind had me shook

trouble - fluff, non-idol!gyu, you´re his pretty mess, lowkey brat reader, in love gyu, baking cookies with his cute lil helper sdfljsdfljh :( its cute

vernon

vernon loves your face - he´s so in love omg, sdsdkfj it´s so cute

coffee talk - fluff, coworker!vernon, work romance au, jwhhxsjxsjd cutee

no studying for you - smut, he isn´t letting you study, “Hansol! For the love of fuck!” “Yeah that’s me, I love to fuck,” what?? dkdsfjfj

bias - fluff, slice of life, idol!au, you make the cats choose their svt bias, IT SO WHOLESOME :((((((((

vocal unit

woozi

joshua

bad joke - angst, fluff, calling you clingy

tom and jerry - smau, fluff, crack, text au, SOMEBODY COME GET JISOO LMAOO, he´s doing too much

mr. nice guy - smut, next door neighbors au, I HATE HIM skfffkjs this got me blushing and shit, he cosplays as a gentleman but he´s actually just a flirty nasty mf

seokmin

You Know What They Say About Men With Big Feet - smut, big feet, big nose, big muscles and a big dicc YUPPPPPP, seokmin has it ALL

perfect man - smut, he´s a gentleman, reader makes the mf move and I would have too

jeonghan

2am conversations - slice of life, “what if crabs think that fish can fly?” “angel, it’s two in the morning,” sdkhfksb it´s cute :(((( so domesticc

such a flirt - fluff, he keeps on flirting but has a breakdown when you flirt back lmao, cute

call me by his name - smut, softdom! wannabe harddom! hannie, hSLFDHSLKFH I CAN REALLY SEE THIS HAPPENING idk idk

the long way - model!jeonghan, staff!reader, UGGHHDSLHFLSKH i love this, he´s so confident and lowkey straight forward

tinted windows - smut, ceo!hannie, panty ripper,, literally, car sex, “sir you have a meeting in twenty minutes.” “fuck that stupid meeting, i have more important things to be doing right now.” IT´S GOOD YALL

seungkwan

dance unit

hoshi

why do you love me? - fluff, blurb, so cute

too hot - very suggestive, naaaahhhh he was done for before it even started

first time - smut, fluff, crack, they´re both dumb, reader is boldddd lmao, #couplegoals

drunk and in love - fluff, wasted!hoshi, him in his tiger patterned-shirt, asdkjasdh he´d deff be like this, he rants about how wonderfull you are to whoever got ears, so cute

junhui

jun realizes he has a size kink - blurb, smut, the words he SAIDD I-, in my opinion it was too short!1! that was some good stuff

how badly do you want this? - smut, oral, 7 mins in heaven, it´s hottt

minghao

lollipops and candy bars - smut, sub!hao, reader loves to tease, cute and innocent looking reader, hao needs help lmao, "Well, I finished off my lollipop a while ago, do you have anything else I could suck on?” SKLHDLFJHKLDJ wow

chan

[discount-shades]

Contract Spouse Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Realizations

A/N: This is a sad one. I've written Chapter 9 and only one chapter left to write!

Pairing: Jake Seresin/Reader (nicknamed Pip)

Warning:  Angst, death of civilians, war, PTSD

Length: 3000ish

Summary: Jake does some thinking and we find out why he is like that.

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“What we need are those veterinary gloves that come up to your shoulder.” You have a roll of tape out and combined with elastics and a small garbage bag you are trying to waterproof Jake’s cast. After finally being released from the hospital after 4 days, Jake is in desperate need of a shower. “Then you could use your hand. I’m going to order some from Amazon.”

“Why do vets need gloves that come up to their shoulder?” Jake watches you struggle to carefully tape the edges of the bag to the skin of his arm, fighting with the extra plastic.

“You know the long gloves Ellie wears when she digs in the dino poop looking for West Indian Lilac in Jurassic Park?” Jake blinks at you in confusion, trying to remember. “Vets wear them for a similar reason.”

“Eww.” Jake checks the seal around the tape job you did. “How do you even know that?”

“Remember when I dated a farm boy in university?” Jake nods. He remembers thinking the kid wasn’t good enough for you. “Well in those two months we were together I went and helped them when they preg checked their cows.” You give him a little half grin, “I learned I am not cut out for farm life.” 

You start the shower for him before carefully helping him remove his shirt. You wince when you see the bruises crossing his torso from the seatbelt harness of his jet. The brush of your fingers, featherlight over the bruises, burns before you abruptly leave the bathroom, telling him to call if he needs help. 

Jake sighs and finishes stripping before getting under the spray. Everything hurts and the concussion makes him feel like he is in a fog. His head is a constant dull throb and what he really wants to do is lie down and sleep some more. He holds his left arm hand up at a right angle and does his best to shower mostly one handed. 

Pulling a shirt on seems too difficult so he walks into the bedroom half dressed. You've pulled the curtains, so it is dark and he collapses into the clean sheets. A water bottle and his painkillers lined up neatly on his end table, as well as a few protein bars. 

You’ve thought of everything, you always do, but you seem different since the accident and he can’t figure it out. Every time he tries to think his head begins to ache. You are more clinical, less warm. Maybe it is because he is injured, maybe he is imagining it. 

He thinks back to the morning of the crash. Remembers waking up with you in his arms, how good it felt to hold you and talk to you. The hospital had been so lonely when they wouldn’t let you stay overnight. 

He wanted you to stay in California. He wanted to come home and have you there to talk to, he could always call you before, but living with you was better. He loved watching movies together, cooking together, cleaning, and grocery shopping. Every mundane task was better with you.

He couldn’t ask you to stay. He was too much of a mess. He couldn’t sleep and the guilt of what happened was always there. You didn’t deserve to be pulled into that. He was sure that you would stay if he asked. You and your misguided sense of duty and the belief that you owed him something. But if he asked then he would have to tell you and if he told you you would never look at him the same way.

He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he notices is your voice calling to him gently. His eyes flitter open and he can see you sitting on the edge of the bed. You are beautiful in the light filtering from the hall, and in that moment you take his breath away. “Doctor says you should be up and moving, so come have dinner.” 

When you go to leave he curls his good hand around your arm and revels in the feel of your soft skin sliding through his fingers. When he thinks you are about to slip your hand through his fingers you catch his palm and give a gentle tug and he feels himself following you automatically. 

“This can’t be what you are used to.” You say with a grin as you grab a shirt and help him into it. “Women are probably more keen to take your shirt off.”

“I’ll do anything if it's with you, pretty girl.” The words leave his lips before he can comprehend what he has said. Your sharp inhale makes him want to kick himself. Why did he say that? He never flirted with you. It was a line he refused to cross. 

He can see the flustered look on your face as you stand to go. “Come on flyboy, you must be hard up if you are flirting with me.” He follows you down the hall to the table. That wasn’t completely fair. Why wouldn't he flirt with you? If you weren't his wife he definitely would have tried to pick you up in a bar. 

That evening as you lie down beside him in bed you turn to him. “We have our first meeting with the couples therapist tomorrow, he wants to meet us separately first.” Jake had forgotten about the marriage counseling. “I think we should just say we want to keep our relationship strong, and I don't know, talk about how adjusting to living together is a challenge or something.” He just mumbles an agreement. 

Jake has no idea how the two of you are going to sell being married to a professional. He thinks of all the ways this might go as you slowly drift off to sleep beside him. Once he can hear your steady breathing his mind starts to slow and as he falls asleep he rolls over so he is curled around you. 

When he wakes the next morning he slides his arm across the bed feeling for your warmth but the sheets are cool. You are already gone.  When he gets up he finds you making omelets in the kitchen. 

“The contractor is going to be finishing up the repairs in the ceiling of my room today,” you tell him as you add the cheese. “You will have your bed back, free of my cold toes tonight.” 

“Oh, ok.” Jake doesn't know what to think and it takes him a moment to realize he is disappointed. Last night was the last time he would sleep with you in his arms. He thinks about all the times he left you in the mornings. He shouldn't have run away. He could have just rolled back to his side of the bed and talked to you on those mornings, now he would never get the option. 

You drive to the counselor’s and he spends his time in the passenger seat fighting his motion sickness. It's your turn first and you give him a worried look as you go, as he sits in the waiting room trying to get his head to stop spinning. If he says something wrong in the counselor's office he will just blame it on the concussion. 

When it is his turn you squeeze his hand as you trade spots. He can't help himself as he pulls you into a hug. Jake presses his lips to your hairline. He should hug you more, he thinks. 

You rarely initiate physical affection more than holding hands, and hug only on special occasions. He likes the feel of you in his arms, the scent of your shampoo, and the warmth of your skin. The way you melt into him is overwhelming before you pull away.

The session went well. A mixture of the truth and agreed upon lies slip easily off his tongue. At the end of the session Jake is given the same homework that you received.  

“I want you to come up with a list of all the reasons you are in love with your wife.”

The homework is a fixture in his mind over the next few days. Jake can’t figure out why he keeps repeating the counselor's words in his head. He lists the reasons he loves you. You are smart, funny, tough as hell, your kindness, you are supportive, you are so easy to talk to and you always know what to say, you call him on his bullshit. You are capable. 

He stares at the words he has written and feels they are not personal enough to sell it. You are beautiful, your smile makes his stomach clench, your laughter, you feel so good in his arms, how you being in his life made everything better. He stares at his list as the words play over in his head, ‘reasons you are in love with your wife.’

Jake drops the pen and buries his face in his hands as the realization hits him. “Fuck.” He is in love with you. When did that happen? Was it before you moved in or is it a recent thing? Sometime during the first or second year of the marriage he noticed he loved you. But it had always felt so platonic, a love of friendship, of convenience, and connection.

You have always been beautiful, and, if he was honest with himself, he had always been attracted to you, but with the nature of your relationship he had always locked those thoughts and feelings away. You were untouchable. But in the last month with you sleeping in his bed everything blurred. It didn’t matter when he fell in love, the only thing that mattered was that he is completely and irrevocably in love with you now. 

It is weird to feel terrible about an emotion considered so positive. Jake stares at the closed door to the office where you are working from home. He can never tell you. You had only stayed married due to his inability to process his trauma. 

He felt tainted, like you being with him would somehow mark you too. He didn't deserve you, he didn’t deserve anything good. And he loved you too much to let you be ruined by him. He wouldn't let you give up your life and the love you deserve. Because you need someone who is in love with you unconditionally, someone good. 

The day he had agreed to marry you had told him that you would always be there for him and he had taken advantage of that over the years. Taken advantage of your kindness and good heart. Someone as good and kind as you would never stay married to him. He could never tell you he loved you. He wouldn’t be that guy, the man who thought he was owed something just because he had feelings for a woman. He would let you go even if it killed him. 

– – –

Sleeping next to you didn’t stop the nightmares. They always came at the same frequency, mild ones a few times a week and the bad ones every week or so. What sleeping next to you did was calm him when he woke. Your breaths and the warmth of your skin would ground his mind and bring him back to the present like nothing else could. 

Before you he would never get back to sleep after a nightmare. He would go for a run or go to the 24h gym. He sometimes would mindlessly watch tv or stare at his phone until it was an acceptable hour to get up. In the weeks after the concussion he couldn’t do that. Strenuous activity and screen time were two of the things the doctor told him to avoid. 

Most nights he would just lay in bed. He had tried audio books but he could not focus on them. So he would lie there in the dark thinking about you, and everything that he loved about you, and torturing himself. 

His post concussion nightmares were more intense than any he had before but he still hadn't had a bad one yet. He could feel it coming. Lack of sleep and anxiety tended to trigger the nightmares. Stress also played a role and the night before the second marriage counseling session it hit him. 

Jake’s heart is pounding as he sits up in bed struggling to breath. The nightmares are rarely the same and his mind alway finds ways for his dreams to be somehow worse than what had happened, combining events and reimagining others. 

You died tonight. The person he had killed was you, and even though he logically knew you were fine he needed to check on you. Stumbling, eyes bleary, he walks to your room and pushes open the door. The smell of new paint and construction is almost gone. Leaning on the door frame Jake can see you sleeping and he takes in the sight. 

If he holds his breath and listens he can faintly hear you breathing from the doorway and he can’t help the muffled sob that slips past his lips. You stir and he bites his lips to keep from waking you but it is too late.

“Jake?” You lean up and look at him. “You ok?” he gives a jerky nod, unable to open his mouth. Afraid he would begin sobbing if he did. “Another nightmare?” He doesn’t know how you can tell. Maybe it is written on his face. 

“Come here,” your voice is soft and you open your arms and beckon to him and he is moving his feet before he can think about it. Jake collapses on top of the covers and into your arms, head pillowed on your chest listening to your heartbeat. His eyes flutter closed as you rake your fingers through his hair and down his back. Your gentle movements calm him and steady his mind but soon it is not enough. There are too many layers between you. 

He sits up and motions to the covers. “Can I?” he asks hesitantly, wanting to be able to hold you without the blanket between you. You nod and he slips beneath the covers and returns to his position with his head on your chest. Your hands resume their motions carding through his hair and stroking his back.

It’s still not enough. He sits abruptly and takes his shirt off before lying back down, slotting his body between your thighs and his head on your stomach this time. He needs to feel your skin pressed against his. He eases your shirt up so he can rest his cheek against your stomach. He can hear your sharp inhale but you don't say anything and for that he is grateful. You just go back to smoothing your hands over his bare skin. He doesn’t know how long he lays there with you beneath him, his hands curl around your rib cage as his thumbs smooth over your soft skin. 

After a while of your hands moving over him he feels you pause. “If you want to talk about it, I’ll listen.” He shakes his head in denial, not wanting you to know. But when he feels your nails scratch his scalp and drag down his neck he starts talking. 

“You know the military severely under-reports civilian deaths, right?” There is no change in you. Your hands keep moving in the same rhythm and your breathing is steady. “Every time we drop bombs we kill people and there is a chance we kill civilians. Mostly we don’t think about it. It is easier to drink the kool-aid. Accept the Navy’s narrative. But if you watch the news from other countries they will report it; show videos of civilians killed by American bombs.”

Jake stops talking, wanting you to respond, hoping you don’t. Looking for a clue to stop talking. You don’t give him one so he continues. “I shot another plane down, the first air-to-air kill in three decades. The Navy pinned a medal on me.'' Now that he was talking he couldn’t stop. The words he had never spoken to anyone pouring out. “No one mentioned that after I shot the jet it crashed into this community building. There were families inside. Sixteen people were killed, nine of them were children.

“They gave me a fucking medal for killing children. I saw the footage, the crashed jet and the injured people. There was this man carrying his dead son and I can’t get that out of my head.” Jake feels you shift and he raises his head to look at you but all you do is place a gentle kiss on his forehead before lying back down and resuming your motions. 

“Please hate me.” He doesn't know why he says it; why he needs you to condemn him. As if your condemnation will justify everything he feels.

“No,” you say simply.

“Why not?” he can feel a sob building in his chest. “I fucking deserve it. How can you just learn all that about me and not care?” 

“Javy told me years ago,” you confess, “actually I suspected. It was on the news that an American Navy pilot shot down a plane and what happened, I knew you were stationed in the area and you changed whenever we talked after, so I figured it was you and Javy confirmed it when I asked.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Jake had been keeping his knowledge and shame bottled up away from you for so long; not wanting to change the way you saw him and to find out you had always known was gutting. 

“I knew you would tell me when you were ready.” 

“You should hate me,” Jake hates the way he sounds. Small, meek, hesitant. “I hate me.”

“I hate that it happened. It breaks my heart for those families, but I can’t hate you for it. You are responsible, but not culpable.” You say simply.

“Then who is to blame if not me?” You don’t have an answer for him, he knows there isn’t one, at least not an answer that will make him feel better. Some things you just have to live with. The tears start to flow down Jake's cheeks in ugly sobs as you pull him closer. He clings to you and finally lets himself grieve. 

[the-boy-meets-evil]

take my hands (we can fall together) | lee chan | pt 3

(where you and chan are friends, but he's your brother's best friend. and you've always been just a little out of reach. until one season changes everything.) pairing: brother's best friend!chan (dino) x f!reader genre: friends to ??, pining, slow burn | fluff, angst, smut rating: explicit warnings/notes: mentions of unhealthy relationships (reader x boyfriend), mentions of food, mentions of drinking/alcohol, friendsgiving, chan is having a crisis, explicit smut in this part, kissing, body appreciation, fingering (f. receiving), oral sex (f. receiving), face sitting, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, protected sex (p in v), aftercare, chan is a tease, chan calls reader baby one time, i think that's it but let me know if it's not word count: ~9.2k (full fic is roughly 23.5k) notes on the characters: anyone used as a background character is meant to be an OC, i'm just lazy with coming up with names a/n: SHE'S DONE! i cannot believe that (not me sticking to a timeline). huge thanks to @svthub for hosting this fall collab. check out the full list of fics here. make sure you go back and read parts 1 & 2 for context. this is the last one 😭 (unless i return for a drabble/timestamp). also thank you to my bby indi for creating an amazing banner @classicscreations.

tagging: @christinewithluv @aaniag @dejavernon @tbzhub @bitchlessdino @seungkwansphd

part 2 | masterlist

Even though he feels a bit weird about it, Chan makes good on his promise to Carla and they reschedule. Instead of going out to a too-loud bar, Chan suggests a favorite restaurant of his. Some place with good food and a better atmosphere. The perfect place to try and get to know his date on a real level. Not only is she beautiful and genuinely interested in him, she’s kind, easy to talk to, and surprisingly funny. The perfect person to finally move onto a healthier, strictly friendly relationship with you.

Everything about the date goes even more smoothly than he expects. Despite how open she is while texting, Chan’s surprised to find how engaged she is in person. It’s like nothing and nobody else exists apart from the two of them. She talks openly about liking him, too, because she says she doesn’t see the point of dancing around things, playing some kind of game. Life is too short not to tell someone how she feels. There’s a warmth in hearing that, like something dormant being awoken. It’s not like his other feelings completely disappear, but it’s nice to have that kind of connection.

At the end of the date, they walk out together and Chan grabs her hand without thinking twice about it. She stops him just outside the restaurant to pull him towards her for a kiss. Maybe it doesn’t make him see stars or anything insane like in the movies, but it’s nice. Her lips are soft against his and seem to just kiss away any worries. It really has been the best date he’s been on in a long time. So much so that he considers coming up for a drink when Carla invites him. There’s just a little something in the back of his mind holding him back and so he politely declines. He reasons it away that he’s got Friendsgiving the next day. It’s been a great date, but he’s definitely not ready to bring Carla to meet his friends. It’s only been one actual date. Even if they have been texting a lot.

Chan is up a little early the next day because he needs to run to the store to get some drinks before making his way to Seokmin’s house. That’s been their go-to place for bigger gatherings like this since he bought it because it’s got the most space. Last he heard, there were fifteen people coming for Friendsgiving. He’s also got to pick up Jay and Vernon on the way there so there aren’t too many cars. Jay should’ve been helping him pick up drinks. But, no. He crashed at Vernon’s. Which isn’t entirely surprising since Vernon’s new game is at the beta-testing stage and Jay’s always been the number one tester. It’s more than mildly concerning to see his two friends smirking when they get in the car, though.

“What?” Chan prompts.

“How was your date last night?” Vernon asks.

“Yeah, are we going to have to set an extra place at the table?” Jay adds on. 

“What are you talking about?” Chan questions.

“You went on a date last night, right?” Jay presses. 

“You know I did,” Chan confirms. “We live together.”

“And you took her to that restaurant we love,” Jay carries on.

“Yeah,” Chan says slowly, drawing the word out.

“Oh, cut him some slack. I guess you were so caught up in the date that you entirely missed that some of our friends were there too,” Vernon says and laughs at Chan’s face. “Yeah Jiyeon texted me laughing about how she tried to get your attention and you didn’t even notice.”

“Oh shit, I’ll have to apologize to her,” Chan says. 

“She was with Mina, Lisa, and my sister too,” Jay adds on. 

“They were all there?” Chan worries. 

“Yeah, I think it was my sister’s idea. A little bit of a girl’s night for whoever was free,” Jay says. “Rude of them not to invite us. But clearly you were busy.”

“So are we going to be seeing her today?” Vernon asks. 

“It was one date,” Chan deflects.

“One date that you kissed and then left with,” Jay adds on. Chan whips his head over to look at his best friend.

“Sorry, Ji had a lot to say about it. You know how she is,” Vernon shrugs. “And Jay wasn’t sharing the game so I had a lot of time to text her.”

“Great,” Chan says. 

“Hey, that’s a compliment! I stayed up playing a game and crashed on a couch, for you,” Jay complains.

The two of them carry on bickering while Chan’s head is a million miles away. Not exactly what he’s prepared for or expecting walking into Seokmin’s house. At least he knows ahead of time. For all the times Jay’s a pain in the ass, which is basically any time he’s breathing, he’s a loyal friend. He might be ribbing Chan for being so oblivious now, but he’s also giving him time to prepare before he walks in because Jiyeon is going to give it way worse. So, Chan takes the rest of the drive to figure out how he’s going to say. 

It’s hard, though, because entirely too much of his brain focuses on the fact that you were there, too. Something Jay kind of glosses over, probably trying to take the focus off. He’s never called Chan on it, but he’s known how his friend feels for a long time. You were there and you saw his whole date. Saw the way he was caught up. Saw the way he left with Carla. Saw the kiss. Saw everything. Because you were with Jiyeon and she would have been doing a live commentary. That’s just who she is. Not in a malicious way, she just hates being ignored. It’s stupid to be caught up on what you thought. He’s moving on. That’s what the date with Carla was supposed to do and he knows he can’t just live in this perpetual state of caring about you. Not when you’re in the middle of putting your heart back together. Not when you haven’t shown any interest. Not when you straight up said Chan was just a friend. 

He’s barely through the door before Jiyeon is harassing him. “So, what, you go on a date with someone you barely know and you just forget we’ve been friends for literal years?”

“Easy, Ji, I didn’t see you,” Chan repeats. 

“Well obviously,” she retorts.

“Did you call my name? Or send me a text to be like hey, over here?” Chan fires back. Fighting fire with fire is the only thing she responds to.

“No, you were too wrapped up in your little date,” Jiyeon answers like it’s obvious.

“Maybe you didn’t really want to get my attention. Maybe you just wanted to bitch today. Maybe you woke up and chose violence,” Chan says, earning an immediate eye roll. 

“Did you just call me a bitch?” Jiyeon asks with faux outrage.

“I said you wanted to bitch, I’d never call you a bitch,” he answers anyway.

“Well, where is she then?” Jiyeon asks as she makes a show of looking behind Chan.

“Carla? She’s not here. Obviously,” Chan says.

“Oooooh do you like her enough to use her name? Not just the girl you’re dating?” Jiyeon teases. 

“I hate you,” Chan utters without any bite.

“I know,” she sing-songs.

Almost involuntarily, Chan’s eyes find their way to you, looking for some kind of reaction to the whole scene. But, you’re sitting with Seokmin, like you aren’t paying attention at all. Like maybe you don’t even care. Which is good, right? Chan wanted you to leave Seungsik so that you could be happy and heal, not so that he could have a chance. Which is exactly what happened. It should be a good thing, seeing you happy. It’s just that he can’t help but feel like you don’t seem as happy as you did the day after leaving Seungsik at his aunt’s house. 

It starts as Chan thinking he’s overreacting. Throughout dinner, it becomes crystal clear that something is off. You stick close to Seokmin and Lisa, don’t even really mingle with people in the same way you do any other time everyone is together. Even with the friends you don’t get to see as often. There’s something a little dull about you, like the dimmer switch isn’t all the way on. And Chan never sees you without a drink in your hand, which is a little odd, too. Almost everyone drinks too much at Friendsgiving and then naps or sobers up before leaving. Drinking is normal. This isn’t that, though. 

The thing that hurts Chan the most is that you hardly speak to him at all. Several times, he tries to start a conversation, only to have you give short answers before excusing yourself to do something else. Or talk to someone else. Or be anywhere that Chan isn’t. That hurts on a much deeper level than any feelings he has or had for you. Over the past two months, it’s felt like you were coming to depend on him more as a genuine friend. Someone that you could turn to or be vulnerable around. More than just another person in a decent sized friend group or your younger brother’s best friend. There were even times when he wondered if he was in your inner circle. Things definitely shifted. But, whatever it was seems to have been short lived. The two of you are further apart than where you started. 

It’s not until Chan is back home at his apartment, leftovers from the meal tucked away in his fridge, and getting ready for bed that he gets answers. He’s not tired and he doesn’t want to go to sleep. All he wants is to get comfortable and watch something mindless. Jay seems to sense that something’s off and doesn’t even give him a hard time. Just lets him go off into his room and shut the door. His phone dinging catches his attention, though. 

You: today ws wierd and i hted it You: i mis m y channie 

The text catches him off guard for a lot of reasons. The first is that you’re clearly a little drunk, or maybe a little buzzed. You’re not usually such a sloppy texter. But, the much bigger reason is that you called him your Channie. You’ve called him Channie but never yours before. 

Chan: are you drunk? Chan: are you okay? You: ‘m fine You: not drunk Chan: are you home? You: no stayed at seoks Chan: good i’m glad You: do you like me

Chan stares at that message for a good minute like the words will somehow change. Does he like you? Are you asking as a friend or something more? Can he really try to get over you when you’re texting him like this?

Chan: course i do, we’re friends You: that’s not what i mean

Of all the ways the night could have gone, this was not one Chan considered. Things were definitely weird during Friendsgiving. He’s not sure how many people noticed. Jay definitely had, if him giving Chan space when they got home is any indicator. Seokmin probably noticed too, since you’re currently staying there. Before he can answer your text, his phone is going off with an incoming FaceTime. He answers without thinking.

“You answered,” you say like it’s some kind of surprise.

“Of course I did,” Chan breathes out. “What’s wrong?” 

“Do you like me, Chan?” you repeat. It’s so different watching you say it than seeing it typed. He’s trying not to focus on you sitting in bed just like he is. 

“I told you…” Chan starts and you’re shaking your head. 

“I know we’re friends, but do friends do everything you’ve done for me? Do friends go on train rides and apple picking and photoshoots and to pumpkin patches? Do friends spend an entire party not even bothering to talk to anyone else? Do friends support each other the way you’ve supported me?” You’re rambling, Definitely a little drunker than you want to admit, especially with some of your words slurring together.

“I don’t know,” Chan admits. 

You turn back and look straight into the camera. “Why didn’t you even see me last night, Chan?” 

“Well, I guess I was just…” Chan starts.

“What? Distracted? So distracted by your date that you didn’t even see me?” you ask. His heart breaks for how hurt you look. That’s the last thing he wants. 

“I’d already kinda blown her off once, over you, kind of,” Chan admits. Too honest.

“Over me?” you ask. Your eyes are wide like it’s not what you were expecting.

“I was, well I was with her when I saw Seungsik,” Chan says. “I made an excuse and left, but said I’d see her again another time.”

“Oh,” is all you say.

“Yeah, so I didn’t really want to do that to her again. She doesn’t deserve that,” Chan says quietly. 

“What about what I deserve?” you wonder.

“You know I think you deserve the entire world,” Chan insists. 

You pull your bottom lip between your teeth like you’re at war with yourself over something. “Do you think you could love her?” 

Before Chan can answer, he hears a door open and watches you turn to the side. Somewhere in the room, he hears Seokmin.

“I thought we said no drunk texting or calling or anything?” Seokmin reminds you, sounding very sober. 

“I thought you meant Seungsik,” you shrug, unashamed. Seokmin comes into the frame and sees Chan.

“Oh, hey, Chan,” Seokmin says, smile not quite as bright as Chan is used to. It’s clear that Seokmin didn’t just mean your ex.

“Hey, Seok,” Chan answers.

“I’m gonna take this and put her to bed,” Seokmin says.

“Good idea,” Chan agrees. 

Seokmin turns the camera to you. “Say goodnight to Chan.”

“Night Channie,” you call out.

“Night,” Chan answers. 

“Goodnight, Chan,” Seokmin says.

“Wait,” Chan says and watches as Seokmin’s face turns to him. “Delete the last few texts in our thread. That’s probably a better conversation to have when we’re both sober.”

Seokmin’s face relaxes and he nods, like he understands more than Chan does at the moment. Maybe he does. The entire conversation is weird and it’s leaving Chan with way more questions than answers. Why are you so curious about his feelings now? Why do his feelings for Carla matter to you? Why are you drinking like that? Did something happen with Seungsik? Are you finally processing and this is part of the grief? Why does it hurt to feel like an outsider to it all again?

The next time Chan sees you, there’s no mention of the brief FaceTime call or the texts. Things with you are somewhere between the total comfort of the party at his aunt’s house and how you were before all the Fall activities. It’s this weird limbo that he doesn’t really know how to process. It seems like nobody else really knows how to process it, either, and unfortunately, some of them are picking up on it. 

Then, there’s the issue of Carla. She hasn’t done anything wrong, but Chan also isn’t sure how he feels. On one hand, he really does think it’s best to just move on from his feelings for you because it’s all just been too much. On the other hand, it feels dishonest to keep going out with Carla when his head isn’t totally in it. But, she really is kind and she seems to understand some of his hesitation and even suggests that they do something a little more lowkey, like lunch during the work day, and that seems fine, right? Everyone has to eat lunch.

Wrong. 

Well, not about the lunch part. She picks a place that’s close by where they work, since they don’t work far apart, and Chan appreciates the slightly longer lunch. It’s a welcome break in his day and the perfect way to end the week. Carla is sweet, doesn’t push him to talk about anything he’s not ready to, though she can obviously tell there’s something. There’s a subtlety to the way she lets him know that he can talk to her about anything, no matter how awkward. And a grace when he says that he’s just not ready. She keeps all the conversation light, easy. There’s even something about it that feels a little more friendly than like a date. It’s really just an incredibly pleasant lunch.

And then comes the text. The text from you. Why on Earth did you need to send Chan a text saying you heard he went on a lunch date with the same girl from the other day? Why did you need to say that you hoped he had a good time? Why did it matter if he was spending time with someone else? It’s just kind of confusing because you’re definitely friends, but not the kind of friends that text like this. Not when it’s the first text you’ve sent to Chan since the ones he asked Seokmin to delete for you. 

So he doesn’t answer, doesn’t really know what to say. Instead he tries to make plans with Vernon to go for drinks after work. But, Vernon has other plans and Chan settles on just asking Jay. Although Jay is truly his best friend, he’s not Chan’s first choice when it’s you on his mind. Chan’s feelings for you, whatever they are, aren’t a secret to Jay, even if they’ve never talked about them. If he’s going drinking now, though, it might be too hard to keep avoiding talking about whatever he’s thinking. 

It seems initially like Jay might let Chan get away with just wanting to drink. They talk about work, about the holidays coming up, about upcoming plans. Jay mentions the big family Thanksgiving, which they’ll both be at. Chan talks about how he already feels behind on holiday shopping. They both talk about how crazy it is that Vernon’s so close to finishing one of his games. It’s just normal roommate shit. Much like lunch with Carla, everything is light and unserious. At least through the first drink. Everything changes when the bartender sets the second drink down in front of them. 

“We’ve gotta talk about it, man,” Jay finally says. 

“Talk about what?” Chan feigns ignorance.

“Whatever your feelings for my sister are,” Jay presses on, unwilling to let his best friend continue to ignore a problem. 

“Is this where you tell me that she’s fresh out of a relationship and give me some sort of speech about protecting her?” Chan asks.

“No,” Jay says simply. “She’s an adult and I’d never tell her who to date as long as she’s happy. Besides, you’re friends with her too.” 

“I really don’t know if we’re friends right now, things are weird,” Chan admits.

“Yeah, I can tell,” Jay says with a bit of a snort. 

“I went out to lunch with Carla today and then I got a text from her saying she’d heard about my lunch and hoped it was good. What am I supposed to do with that?” Chan asks, louder than he meant to.

“I don’t know,” Jay admits. “I don’t think she knows, to be honest.” 

“What do you mean?” Chan asks.

“Well, I’ll admit that I told her that you went to lunch with Carla because she’s been really weird about you since she broke it off with Seungsik. Probably before that, honestly, but it’s definitely been weird since then. I know she went to your aunt’s house the day after you told her and she confronted that asshole,” Jay says.

“Yeah, my aunt was thrilled,” Chan remembers.

“So was my sister, she said it’s one of the best times she’s had in awhile,” Jay shares.

“What did she say to you when you told her I was out to lunch?” Chan wonders.

“She just said oh good for him,” Jay says, “which I assumed meant she didn’t want me to know what she was thinking so I wouldn’t have to lie to you. I figured she was going to text you, too. Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine,” Chan brushes off. 

“Do you like her? Like actually like her?” Jay asks. 

“I don’t…I’m not sure, honestly,” Chan admits. 

“You were sure, though,” Jay presses. “I could see it in the way you looked at her. I remember thinking anyone would be lucky to have someone look at them that way.” 

“Yeah, I guess I wasn’t that subtle to anyone but her,” Chan jokes. 

“I think even she stopped being oblivious,” Jay laughs. “So what changed?” 

“I don’t know,” Chan shares. “I guess, I don’t know, it just felt like it’s been all this time and I was doing all these things with her when Seungsik didn’t want to. And I had this moment where I thought I could do things like that with her the rest of my life and be happy. But, then we were talking about him after I saw him out and she said something about how he always thought I liked her but she brushed it off. So I just kinda realized I needed to move on.” 

“Can you do that if she never knew for sure how you felt?” Jay asks. “Is it fair to either of you?”

“Is it fair to her when she’s only just gotten out of a relationship?” Chan challenges. 

“Like I said, Chan, she’s an adult. Just telling her that you have feelings for her isn’t the same as expecting her to jump right into something new,” Jay reasons. “If you love her, like I think you do, then she deserves to know that she isn’t crazy. Even if nothing happens. The only way to move forward is by being honest.”

“Love her…wait, why would she think she’s crazy?” Chan worries. 

“Because you’ve been weird too, bro. It isn’t just her,” Jay laughs. “She is going to absolutely kill me for this, but she remembers texting you and then FaceTiming you after Friendsgiving. She knows you asked Seokmin to delete the chat and dodged her question about how you felt. So, I think she thinks that she imagined you liking her.” 

“Shit,” Chan breathes out. “I was just trying to do what I thought was best.”

“I know that, but I’m not sure she does,” Jay shares. 

“Fuck it, I need shots,” Chan declares. 

He’s definitely not sober when he shows up at your apartment a few hours later. Despite Jay’s insistence that they eat something, he’s still very buzzed, bordering on the world having some blurry edges. Although Jay insisted this could wait until tomorrow, he’s still here at your doorstep. Doesn’t even look back at the Uber after he gets out. His fingers dance over the keypad to the building on autopilot because he’s been there enough times before. There’s no thought about if you’re home or what time it is. No thoughts about if you have company. All he can think is that he’s sick of this weird limbo. 

You answer the door with your hair piled on top of your head, oversized t-shirt hanging off your frame, and a look of complete surprise on your face. Whatever you see on Chan’s face makes you step aside and let him in without a word. It’s not until he feels the couch dip as you sit next to him that he really meets your eyes.

“What are you doing here, Chan?” you ask. 

“I’m sorry,” Chan whispers.

“For what?” you prompt.

“For so many things,” Chan answers. “For Seungsik, for not being a better friend, for not seeing you that night at the restaurant, for telling Seokmin to delete your texts, for not giving you a straight answer, for going on dates with someone. But mostly for falling for you when it’s the worst possible timing.”

“You’re drunk,” you say after a moment.

“A little, maybe, but that doesn’t make any of it less true,” Chan argues. 

“I want to hear all of this from you in the morning, when you’re sober,” you say. 

“Please, I don’t know if…” Chan starts.

“Come on, Channie, let’s get you to bed and we can talk in the morning,” you say. 

You stand and reach a hand to him. He’s not sure if it’s the thought behind the gesture or hearing you say Channie, but he takes your hand without questioning it. Before he knows it, he’s tucked into bed and his eyes are closing. It may be the most comfortable bed he’s ever slept in. 

The next morning, sun through the cracks in the blinds wakes Chan up and it takes him more than a moment to remember where he is. It’s only when he looks around and sees your familiar decorations everywhere that it dawns on him. Not only is he in your apartment, he’s in your bedroom. He slept in your bed last night. Somehow that realization has him feeling even worse than the slight hangover. Since life is really unfair, you walk in a minute later, looking far better than anyone should in the morning. You hand over a cup of coffee. Fighting his embarrassment, Chan sits up so he can accept it and take a sip. Of course it’s perfect. It feels like the reverse of the morning after the Halloween party.

“How are you feeling?” you ask.

“Terrible,” Chan admits ambiguously. 

“Yeah, well, that’s what you get for drinking so much. Jay said he wasn’t sure where you were putting it,” you chuckle out. You pick up your own coffee mug to take a sip.

“When did you talk to Jay?” Chan wonders.

“He was blowing up your phone and I don’t know your password so I figured he was worried about you. I texted him to say you were here and passed out and you’d text him today,” you answer. “He didn’t seem concerned once I said you were here.” 

“Yeah, well it’s not really the hangover that’s making me feel terrible,” Chan mumbles and you raise an eyebrow at him. 

“I hope I’m not making you feel terrible,” you throw out.

“No, I’m just embarrassed, really,” Chan says. 

“You don’t need to be,” you assure him, voice gentle. 

“I am so sorry for telling Seokmin to delete those messages, I thought it was the right thing to do,” Chan begins. 

“It’s fine. I’m not surprised my darling brother told you about that, though,” you say. 

“It’s not fine. I just, I don’t know, I didn’t really know what was going on and it felt a little overwhelming,” Chan says. 

“Yeah I can see that. To be fair, I’m not really sure what I was even trying to accomplish that night,” you say quietly.

“Can I try to say the things I wanted to say last night?” Chan asks. “Jay actually helped me realize some things.”

“He’s got his moments,” you laugh. “And yeah, I think I’d like to hear what you wanted to say, now that it’s morning and you’re sober.” 

“I could repeat what I said, but it really comes down to this. I like you. A lot, way more than I should and I know that it’s, like, the worst timing in the world because of Seungsik and the break up,” Chan rushes out. “I know it’s probably not fair to you to tell you now, but Jay also pointed out that I can’t really try to move on when I haven’t told you how I feel. I just, I got kinda freaked out to tell you when you said the thing about your ex thinking I liked you, but you brushing it off.” 

“Chan,” you try to interrupt.

“And, fuck, I was trying so hard to date someone and get my mind off you that I didn’t even think about it,” Chan carries on. “But the reality is that all the things we did all season long have been some of the best times of my life. I’m sorry, I know that I’m rambling.”

“Can I speak now?” you ask and Chan’s cheeks burn red. 

“Sorry,” Chan whispers.

“I like you, too,” you admit. “I’m not really sure when it happened. Maybe somewhere along the way of you just constantly being there.”

“Yeah, we’ve spent a lot of time together the last like two months,” Chan agrees. “Wait, did you say you like me, too?”

“I did and, like, we have definitely spent a lot of time together doing all the things I love to do, which maybe helped me realize, but I think it’s been there a lot longer. All this did was make me realize how you’ve been there for me for years and I didn’t see that it was more than just a friendly thing,” you say. “You probably don’t remember but back in college, that idiot broke my heart and you and Jay spent the whole weekend cheering me up. I get why Jay did it, he’s my brother, but you didn’t have to.”

“Of course I remember, that’s when I realized I had a crush on you,” Chan says softly. 

“Chan, that was like 6 years ago,” you say, nearly choking. 

“Pushing seven,” Chan admits.

“You’ve liked me all that time and I didn’t realize?” you wonder.

“Maybe not all that time, it’s not like I haven’t dated,” Chan points out. 

“Oh yes, because you’ve dated such winners,” you scoff. 

“Are you, were you jealous?” Chan teases. “You started acting weird when I went on the date with Carla and didn’t notice you or our friends.”

“I wasn’t acting weird,” you protest. 

“Yes you were, even Jay said so,” Chan counters.

“Oh whatever, you’ve liked me for seven years,” you tease with a roll of your eyes. 

“And you’ve probably liked me just as long but you’re stubborn,” Chan says.

He’s not sure where the confidence comes from now, but hearing that you like him too just makes it feel lighter. Even though there’s no telling what happens from here, it feels good to have it all out in the open. You’ve both abandoned your coffees at this point and are just sitting on the bed like it’s the most natural thing in the world. 

“I am not stubborn,” you protest. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I must be thinking of someone else,” Chan teases. 

“Must be,” you agree.

“Hey,” Chan says, more serious. “I don’t know what happens next and I know you just got out of a relationship, so there’s no pressure or…”

Chan can’t finish what he’s saying when you press your lips to his. It takes him several seconds to get over the shock, though. It doesn’t matter that you admitted to liking him, too. That’s still a big step to go from that to kissing. You’re pulling away when his brain finally connects and he kisses you back. Makes him pull you back into him so that he doesn’t miss another second of the way your lips feel against his. Makes him dig his fingers into your hips when he pulls you on top of him. You pull away to gasp and catch your breath. Let yourself get situated with a knee pressed into the mattress on either side of him. All you can do is just look at him, pupils a little blown and chest rising with each breath. Loosening his grip on you, he looks down and watches his hands slide over your thighs and back up to your hips. When he looks back at you, he finds you’re watching the movement. 

“You don’t have to be so careful, Chan, I’m not that fragile,” you utter.

“I know you’re not,” he confirms. “But, are you sure?”

“About this?” you ask and he nods. “The most sure I’ve been about anything in a long time.”

He’s about to ask you again but you just shake your head before leaning in to kiss him. You’re giving him confirmation and permission all at once. Confirmation that you want this and permission to not treat you so gently. It’s all he needs to start running his hands up across your hips and then under your shirt and up your back. Your hands move from the sides of his face to fling your arms around his neck when he presses you tighter against his body. Kissing you isn’t anything like he imagined. It’s not soft and tender. It’s a little desperate and needy, but still completely full of affection. As if testing what you said about not needing to be careful, he nips at your lower lip. The light moan shoots straight to his dick and his hands travel back down your back to your hips. Gripping you tight but also making you slightly rock against him. 

It’s not enough contact, though. Now that he’s got you like this, he just wants more. It’s almost too much when he pulls your t-shirt off and he realizes you aren’t wearing a bra. Maybe this was in your plan all along. Chan pulls back and plants a light kiss on your lips, currently pouting and a little puffy from the kisses. When he kisses across your jaw and down to your neck, you arch into it. He wants to savor this, to take his time taking you apart. Wants to coax every noise out of you. Wants to be the reason you’re completely ruined. Doesn’t know that he’s already well on the way there. 

He kisses across the top of your chest, from one collarbone to the other and you let out a small please. Probably that you need more. That’s definitely going to take time, though. When he places a feather light kiss between your breasts, you whimper again, rock your hips forward over him again. It’s everything he can do to not get too turned on too fast. It doesn’t matter if you have a million more times after this. This is the first time and he wants to savor it. Slowly, he moves his lips over to one of your breasts, flicks his tongue across your nipple a couple of times. Nips a mark into your sensitive skin and laves his tongue over to soothe the sting. Your hands are tangled in the ends of his hair that’s longer than you remember it being before. Even if you won’t admit it, he can tell you like it by the way your hands keep finding it. 

As he kisses his way back up to your lips, he moves you a little further back on his lap. Misses the confusion cross your face. But, he’s got a plan. Once he’s kissing you again, one hand slides down your inner thigh and plays with the edge of your shorts. You squirm when you realize just what he’s doing. He can’t fight the groan when he realizes you don’t have any underwear on under your shorts, either. Jesus. He has to pull back for a steadying breath. This is about you and making you feel good. He can’t get too turned on too fast. His lips find yours again and his thumb runs along your slit, inside your shorts. Collects the wetness already between your legs. You try to pull away from the kiss to moan and he uses his free hand to anchor you to him. Lightly, he spreads your lips apart so that his thumb can brush over your clit. That’s when he finally let’s you pull back. 

“Fuck,” you utter immediately.

“Is this still okay?” Chan whispers against your skin before kissing the spot just below your ear. 

“Yes,” you hiss out as his thumb continues to caress your clit. 

“You can stop it if you want,” he tells you. 

“I will kill you if you stop,” you threaten, lust heavy in your tone. 

“Wouldn’t want that now, would we?” he teases.

“Stop being such a - fuck,” you gasp out when Chan slides a finger inside you. 

“Such a what?” he prompts. 

“A tease,” you finish. “Please, Channie, you’re moving so slow.” 

Instead of answering right away, he leans in to kiss you again. Captures your moans, but doesn’t increase the slow, almost lazy speed that his finger enters you. “You in a hurry?” 

“No,” you whine, “but I need more. Please. Please just give me a little more.”

The way words fall out of your mouth, begging him to carry on, makes his dick twitch. He’s thankful you don’t seem to notice because he likes having the control like this. Likes watching you squirm on top of him and knowing it’s all for him. Gives you at least a little of what you want when he slides a second finger in. Doesn’t tell you that it’s still just warming you up for something more. Something he’s been thinking about for weeks. 

“I want to feel you, please,” you beg when Chan pulls his lips away from yours again. 

“Not yet,” he tells you.

“Why?” you whine out.

“I want to taste you first,” Chan says, fingers stilled inside of you, but thumb still lightly circling your clit. 

“Can’t we just…” you start.

“Are you gonna make me beg, baby?” Chan wonders. Your eyes widen at that, both out of surprise and desire. “I will, I have all the time in the world.” 

“N-no, you don’t need to,” you stutter out. “How do you…”

“I want you to sit on my face,” he says simply.

“What?” you nearly gasp.

“I want you to sit on my face,” he repeats. “Just straddle my face and let me show you how good I can be for you.” 

“I’ve, um, well I’ve never…” you start, turning a little shy. 

Chan takes his free hand and tilts your chin up, so gentle that he doesn’t realize the act almost breaks you. “Never had someone eat you out like that?” 

You shake your head. “I, um, haven’t actually been eaten out much.” 

“Can I admit something too, then?” he asks, wanting to make you comfortable. You nod. “I’ve been thinking about what it would feel like to be under you since you got on my shoulders at the orchard and your thighs squeezed my face.”

It’s clear that’s not what you’re expecting. It’s something so honest that it’s all you can focus on. Where Chan would usually feel too exposed, he only feels comfortable with you. Like he can expose everything about him and he’ll still be safe with you. He wants you to feel that too. Doesn’t realize that you’ve never had someone take their time with you like this. 

“Well it was kinda hot, the way you picked me up like that,” you finally admit. 

“So trust me again, I won’t let you fall,” he urges. 

You mumble something under your breath that sounds suspiciously like too late. He’s trying not to focus too much on that, too much on what happens after this. All he wants is this moment to last forever. To be able to show you just how much he cares for you.

“So how do we…” you start.

“Here, get up for a second,” he directs you, gently moving you off his lap. 

In one quick motion, he pulls his shirt off and watches the way your eyes drink him in. His muscles contract as you reach out to run a hand along his stomach. Doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath and waiting for your verdict.

“Fuck me, you’re hot. I’ve seen you swimming, have you always looked like this?” you say, sounding annoyed and making him laugh. 

“Let’s get you out of these,” Chan says instead of answering and helps you pull off your shorts. 

He leans back and makes sure that he’s comfortable. Then, he directs you to straddle his face. Urges you to trust him, Promises you that you’re not going to hurt him. Reminds you that this is about you, but it’s about him, too. He’s wondered what it would feel like to have your thighs boxing his head in. To be so caught up in you. Just as you’re about to protest, he licks a strip up your core and you gasp. He continues to run his tongue up your entrance, sliding his tongue deeper into you as he goes. You start to squirm almost immediately and he reaches up to anchor your legs on either side of his head. 

It’s honestly far better than Chan was imagining. The noises coming from you were only encouraging him to keep going. Not that he really needed any encouragement. He could drown between your legs and be the happiest he’d ever been. It was unthinkable that nobody wanted to take care of you like this before. Your arousal coated his tongue as he pressed it deeper inside you between his licks. His nose bumped against your clit and he had to grip you harder again to keep you from arching off his mouth. As if sensing that he needed you closer, you leaned forward, gripping onto the headboard. He squeezed your legs and fucked his tongue faster into your pussy. 

“Chan, fuck, oh my god, your tongue, I just - fuck,” you curse out. 

He’s good with his tongue, he knows that. Knows he’s good at a lot of things. This is different, though. Every noise sounds so much better, every body spasm is that much more rewarding, every curse sounds perfect. It’s not until your body starts quivering hard that he realizes he’s never wanted to make someone come on his tongue more than this. You must be close because you start to get more incoherent, start to try and pull yourself off him. Instead, Chan holds onto you harder.

“Please, I’m gonna come,” you whine. 

Chan pulls away from your pussy just long enough to utter a single phrase. “Then, come for me.” 

And then he’s back to burying his tongue inside you, licking faster, reaching a hand around your leg to circle your clit with his thumb again. It’s nothing but a string of curses that you utter. Clench your walls around his tongue. There’s nothing hotter than how fully you trust him as you let go, coming on his face. He times the strokes of his tongue to guide you through the high before helping you off of his face so that you can lie back on the bed and catch your breath. He wipes his mouth on the back of his hand, fully aware that he hasn’t gotten it all, and repositions to lay next to you on his side. Your eyes are closed and he can’t help but brush a piece of stray hair off your face. The tenderness at odds with the previous moments. 

“Whoa,” you finally say when you open your eyes to look at him. 

“Yeah,” he agrees.

“That was…fuck, that was good,” you admit. “I don’t want to give you a big head or anything but damn.” 

“It’s a bit late for that,” Chan jokes. “I could feel how much you enjoyed it.”

You swat at him. “Fuck off.” 

He catches your hand and presses a light kiss to your knuckles. “Not before I fuck you.”

The contrast between the kiss and the statement nearly gives you whiplash. It’s plain on your face that you’re wondering where this version of him came from. 

“Unless you changed your mind or you’re too tired,” he offers. “I just remember you saying you wanted to feel me.”

“Oh no, I definitely still want that. I seem to remember you promising to show me how good you could be for me,” you say, regaining the confidence. 

“My pleasure,” he says and gets up from the bed. 

You’re about to ask what he’s doing when he pulls his briefs and shorts down in one motion, dick springing free. There’s a satisfaction to watching the way you take in the sight of him fully naked. He’s confident in his size, definitely confident he can make you feel good, but it’s still nice to see the way your eyes go big. Nice to see the way you swallow while watching his hand move lazy along his shaft. 

“Condoms?” he asks.

“That drawer,” you indicate. 

He reaches in to get one and rips the package with his teeth. He’s watching you as he slides the latex over his dick. Watching for any signs of second thoughts. There aren’t any, but he wants to check anyway.

“You’re still sure?” he asks.

“Yes,” you confirm, meeting his eyes. “And if something changes, I’ll stop you.”

“Good, because I still wanna make you come at least two more times before I do,” he tells you.

You shudder. “You sure you can do that?” 

“Positive,” he says with a smile that’s entirely too confident. 

Except he knows he can deliver. Knows that he can show you just how good he can be. Knows that he can make you feel amazing. He directs you to lay back on the bed and spreads your legs. Instead of sliding right in, he uses a finger to make sure you’re still ready for him. To make sure he’s not rushing it. You squirm against his finger and he can tell you’re getting impatient again. But, he wasn’t kidding. He’s going to take his time with you. 

You’re still so sensitive that he brings you almost to the edge just with his fingers. Delights in the way you arch into him. In the way his name falls from your lips like a prayer. In the way your fingers dig into the sheets at first before you grip one of his arms. Before you leave scratch marks along that same arm. Before you’re begging him just to let you feel him inside of you. It’s enough to finally make him give into your begging. He lines himself up at your entrance and presses his dick in slowly. Much slower than his finger was pumping into you. He wants to let you adjust to the stretch, though. Your hands make their way to his back and your fingers run down his muscles there. Gently at first, like you’re just exploring his body. When your fingers run down his back again, this time scratching along the way, he buries himself in you and pulls back to snap once, quick. The resulting gasp is music to his ears. 

He sets a varying pace. Mixing slow with fast. Shallow pumps with deep ones. Tries to find out just what you like the best and what pulls the best sounds out of you. He leans back so he can throw one of your legs over his shoulder and hit a different angle. That seems to be the one you enjoy the most and it’s only moments before you’re coming undone around him again. He pulls out when you start to clench around him because he’s not sure that he’s strong enough to hold back through that. And he really does want to make you come more before he does. 

It carries on like that, Chan constantly changing your positions, doing more than his fair share of the work, studying every inch of your body. It’s clear that your brain is going a little mushy and that you’re insanely overstimulated. In the end, he makes you come two more times, in addition to the two previous orgasms, before he finally lets go. It’s honestly the best release he’s ever experienced. The best high and the best sex. Everything feels magnified and also like the most natural thing in the world. He finds it’s really easy to figure out the things you like and they seem to line up with things he enjoys as well. 

He lies back on the bed and you curl into him after you take a minute to recover. Actually tuck yourself right into his side and nestle in with his arm underneath your neck. He wouldn’t ever move if he didn’t have to. But, you both definitely need to get cleaned up. 

“Where are you going?” you ask when he starts to move. Your eyes look a little worried. That kind of breaks his heart because why do you look so nervous?

He leans back onto the bed and presses the softest, most gentle kiss he’s ever given anyone on your forehead. “To get a towel to clean up a bit. And I was gonna start a bath for you, I know your tub is crazy nice.”

“A bath actually sounds really amazing,” you admit.

“Just stay here then and let me take care of you,” he insists. 

You nod and lay back onto the bed, closing your eyes and smiling. It makes his heart swell at the level of comfort you seem to feel. He also knows that you and him need to talk, to figure out what’s going on and where this is heading. Knows that he’s already in way deeper than he should be. But, all he focuses on now is cleaning himself up a bit. It’s a little hard to do, so he just hops in the shower to rinse off as quickly as possible. Once he’s done with that, he focuses on getting the bath running for you. 

When he feels like the temperature is right, that the bath bomb has dissolved enough, and that it’s all completely perfect for you, he walks back into the bedroom. He expects to find you asleep. Instead, you’re sitting up with some fresh clothes next to you. 

“I heard you in the shower,” you say and offer him the clothes when you get up. You wince just slightly. 

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly. 

“I’m not,” you disagree. Chan helps you to the bathtub and helps you in. He blushes a little when you return the favor and kiss him softly on the lips. He turns around when your voice stops him. “Where are you going?”

“I was going to let you enjoy the bath,” he answers.

“I’d like it better if you stayed here,” you admit and his heart feels like it really will explode. 

“Let me just put on some clothes,” he requests.

“You could also just get in with me,” you offer. “Not in a sexual way, just in a closeness way.”

How can he argue with that, really? Your tub is plenty big enough, a sticking point for you even if the rest of the apartment was on the smaller size. The main bathroom was massive, comparatively. So he gets in carefully across from you and settles into the water. It does actually feel really nice. His eyes fall on you moving gingerly to wash yourself off. 

“C’mere,” he says, “turn around.” 

You do as he asks and settle in between his legs, with your back leaning against his chest. He picks up your loofah and takes over rubbing it carefully across your skin. You relax further against him almost immediately, which he takes as a good sign that he’s doing something right. There’s a lot he’s done or tried, but this is new territory for him. And he wants to be good at it, too. 

Once he’s finished cleaning you off, the two of you just stay like that, you leaning against his chest. It’s a comfortable silence that neither of you feels the need to break. It’s not until the water starts to feel cold that you both admit you need to get out. This time, you actually let Chan put his clothes on and you put something comfortable on as well. He helps you pull the sheets off the bed to throw them in the wash. 

The two of you check your phones when you plop down onto the living room couch and Chan grimaces. He’s got a whole bunch of texts and missed calls from Jay. Some are from last night, like you said, but some are from today, too. He shows them to you and you show him a string of notifications that look similar. 

“Time to break the bubble?” Chan asks. 

“At least for long enough that he stops having a heart attack,” you agree. 

So, Chan dials and isn’t surprised when Jay picks up on the second ring.

“What the fuck, Chan, where are you? And why isn’t my sister answering either?” Jay asks instead of a hello.

“Uh, you’re on speaker,” Chan answers. 

“Hey,” you chime in.

“You’re still over there?” Jay asks incredulously. “How much could you possibly have to talk about?” 

“Worried I’m going to steal your best friend?” you tease.

“Or are you worried I’m going to steal your sister?” Chan asks and you laugh.

“No, you’re better than literally any person she’s dated ever. By a lot,” Jay acknowledges. 

“Oh my god, you really are just missing your best friend,” you groan. 

“And my roommate, he’s my roommate too,” Jay protests.

“We have things to talk about,” you say.

“How much do you have to talk about?” Jay wonders. “He likes you, you obviously like him. What else do you need to know?” 

“That’s between us,” you say as Chan starts to talk.

“We also didn’t talk last night because I was drunk,” he adds.

“Yeah and it’s late afternoon now, so what have you been…oh my god, that’s fucking gross, that’s my sister,” Jay sputters out.

“I didn’t even say anything!” Chan protests. 

“You didn’t have to. We’re roommates, remember?” Jay answers.

“If you miss me, just say that and go,” Chan teases.

“I do miss you, I made Vernon come over earlier and it’s not the same,” Jay says.

“Hey,” they hear Vernon say in the background.

“I think I hate this already,” you say and scrunch your face.

“Sick of him already?” Jay jokes.

“No, I don’t like you liking someone I’m dating,” you disagree. 

“Dating?” Jay and Chan ask at the same time.

“Oh, well, I just figured…” you start.

“I’m hanging up on you, bro, we have things to talk about,” Chan says. 

“Fine, but just be good to her, she deserves that,” Jay says.

“Yeah, she does,” Chan agrees, eyes on you. 

He hangs up the phone and just looks at you, unsure of what to say. Unsure of how to start figuring out what this is. You just got out of something that was really unhealthy and he’s not trying to rush you into something new or risk it being unhealthy because you didn’t heal. Couldn’t stand to be a rebound. He’s never thought this far.

“I didn’t meant to assume, I just…” you start.

“Of course I want to date you. It’s just, you just got out of a relationship and I want to give you time to get over that,” he says.

“I think I’ve been over it since the train ride, to be honest,” you say. “Maybe it took me a while to realize. But you showed me, time and time again, what it means to show up for someone you love.”

“I love you, too,” Chan says softly.

“So we figure it out together?” you ask, so hopeful.

Chan leans in and presses a kiss to your lips. “Yeah, we figure it out together.”

i'm sad this is over, but it was so much fun to write! i hope you enjoyed them as much as i did. and there's a very real chance i'll return to this with future timestamps/drabbles. but who knows when because of who i am as a person!

[007reid]

yay! (honestly don’t stress about the adhd characterisation being perfect)

r cannot stay still during one of the cases and the other officers at the *insert state* station get really frustrated with r's hyperactive tendencies (pacing, humming, fidgeting etc) (possibly a small bit of angst)

and of course because of that we get an overprotective dr reid because he can see that r is trying to mask to appease the officers (he most likely knows the facts and all that jazz about how harmful masking can be)

masking is where we basically try and suppress our actions - ignoring what our brain is telling us to do and trying to act ‘normal’ (it is very exhausting and honestly just sucks - can also lead to mental health issues)

also tysm if you consider this <3

- 🦕 xx

HI DINO ANON!! i imagined glasses reid for this cus he’s the sassiest and spencer is def sassy here. i hope i did it okay, kinda nervous about this one. enjoy!

spencer reid x adhd fem!reader

cases involving children always stresses you out more than usual, and this one is no exception.

hotch is cruel in the way that he requested for you not to join the team. 'request' is actually him being nice. you stood your ground until he demanded you to, and you know he's right, knows why you can't be with the team this time. "you're too shaken up, y/n," hotch had said, firmly, eyes as soft as steel. "you won't benefit the team. just hang tight and keep an eye out, alright?”

penelope had gone back to the hotel but it's hard for you to muster up the will to. you need to hear the news right when the team comes back, need to know what happens to the two siblings held hostage, and the only way to get immediate information once the information comes is to lurk in the louisiana's sheriff department and wait for the inevitable phone call.

one of the assistants were nice enough to hand you a donut with a pink napkin for it to sit on and a coffee, but god forbid you have any caffeine or sugar so you set it deliberately to the side for spencer, who, predictably, comes by a second later and it grabs his attention immediately, pointing to it as if to ask "you want this?" silently. you shake your head. he stuffs the donut into his mouth and takes the coffee with him as he makes to go somewhere else.

you're grateful for spencer, and you wish that you can say something about it but your mouth's clamp shut and you don't remember the last time you've been so nervous on a case. you're no newbie to the bau, you know the procedure and you know the horrific scenes that goes on but it's been a while since there is children involved and it took you for a toll and you don't know how to deal with it.

spencer had insisted staying at the station with you and you know the officers aren’t too pleased about it, having two fbi officers strolling around in their post just because. they can't send you back, but they’re dying too; you can tell it on their disdained faces that they're practically looking for a reason to kick the two of you out.

feeling constrained by standing in the hard, wooden stool, you decide to get up and take a walk around the pace, and a walk turns into just pacing back and forth between these two desks and then humming a little song that’s been stuck in your head, trying to keep your mind distracted and off the possibilities of what could be happening to those innocent kids right now if the team hasn't taken care of everything yet. your eyes stay on the dark green telephone that sits menacingly and quietly in the sheriff's office desk. you don’t pick up the glances directed at you.

“hey, ma’am?” someone speaks up. you pause and whip your head around. you could read the man’s face as legibly as a news magazine. he’s annoyed and fed up, his lips turned at an ugly angle. you feel embarrassment bubble up inside of you. “can you sit down? we have work to take care of.”

first thing that comes to your mind is to talk back. the fuck you know about workload? you want to spit into the man’s face. i’m with the fucking fbi, jackass. you just sit at a fucking computer.

the fierce words don’t come out of you, however. instead, you just feel silly and childish, walking back to the stiff chair you had abandoned earlier and try to make yourself comfortable, mumbling a half-assed “sorry” under your breath.

“no worries, ma’am,” the man says, and it sounds saturated and sarcastic, and you can feel yourself burn a brighter red, ridiculed.

you hide the tremble in your hands by tucking it in the pockets of your fbi issued hoodie and resists your foot from tapping on the floor, looking around anxiously for something to watch.

“does her pacing ‘round a little bit distract you that much?”

spencer suddenly appears right next to you, enough bitterness on his face to give the man a run for his money. he looks strange like this, the innocent, permanently confused frown on his face replaced with a glare, harsh and intense under the gleaming of his glasses.

“yeah, it does, you android,” the man sneers, stopping his typing on the computer. he leans back on his chair. you feel the defensiveness in you rising up at the man’s words. “this place’s for business, not you kids’ playground, kay?”

“kids?” spencer says incredulously, laughing. “kids and we have a say above you as federal workers and you as state. you work under your boss who work under another boss who work under my boss. that’s three tiers, if you got lost along the way. we’re kids and we got more going for us than you ever do,” and spencer says all this so casually, as if he’s informing the man of the littleness of his worth as a fact instead of an insult. it stabs twice as deep and it shows on the man’s face.

“whatever, fucking android,” the man grumbles, continuing to type.

spencer, bless him, can’t seem to keep his mouth shut for to long and spinning around to face you, water in his hand. “here,” he press the bottle to your trembling hand, making you accept it. “don’t do that again, okay?” he says, sternly.

“do what?”

“suppressing it.” he doesn’t need to define what ‘it’ is. you get the memo immediately and look down in shame, biting at your lip. “it makes things worse, okay? you know it does.” he frowns, except his lips jut out in a pout. it’s cute. you guess spencer reid’s a little bit cute. spencer is oblivious to your little revelation as he continues his tangent, without a thought in the world. “masking can lead to anxiety or depression if you feel like you're constantly under too much stress. this isn’t a stress free job, y/n. you can’t keep piling more on top of what you already got,” he says, softly.

“i know,”

“i know you do,”

right then, the phone rings and you nearly trip over spencer’s beat up converses trying to get to the sheriff’s office fast enough. spencer catches you by the hand as you come sending towards the floor and the both of you rush, your hand in his as sheriff brody picks up the phone and press it to his ear.

a beat.

“they’re safe.”

[wooahaes]

when i grow up

pairing: non-idol!seungkwan x gn!reader

genre: mostly fluff. childhood friends to lovers. very minor angst.

word count: 12.3k~

warnings: a minor fight between seungkwan + reader over reader’s shitty boyfriend (stated to not be mindful of their boundaries + just a shitty dude). some mentions of injuries. mentions of seungkwan being taunted as a tiny kid. food mentions. ask to tag! also minor proofreading tbh

daisy’s notes: fun fact this was going to end in a wedding originally! maybe i’ll write a short sequel at some point, but im happy with this as it is.

Boo Seungkwan, age four, was... Maybe a little bit of a crybaby.

At least, that was what the other kids called him--or they used to, until his mom came into the school to talk to his teacher with a tight-lipped anger at the way her son was being treated. Sometimes the other kids would taunt him for being so soft, for crying easily on his first day of school because he missed his mom. He was social enough nowadays, getting along with pretty much everyone else with ease. Sure, there was a tiny group who would still poke fun at him on the playground when he was a little too misty-eyed, but for the most part he was left alone. Still... It was mean, and Seungkwan couldn’t exactly understand where all of that came from.

Boo Seungkwan, age four, also knew you. You lived up the street from him, you were in his class, and you had a matching lunchbox and backpack set: dark blue with brightly colored dinosaurs covering the thing. Your backpack also had this little Totoro plush that hung from it, because he always was a little jealous because he wanted one, too. He knew you because he knew your laugh from across the room, always a little awkwardly loud, but he wanted to know what you were laughing at. He knew your drawings, always so colorful as could be when you proudly showed them off. He knew you and the way you skip home ahead of him some days, and he knew the way you could still be quiet at school (save for your laugh), but that you’d always yell happily when you saw your dad waiting for you... And a little less loudly when it was your step-mom, but only because she would gently shush you and remind you to be mindful of your neighbors. Then she would pull you into her arms and ask about your day at school. Seungkwan only knew because your house was before his, so he would always hear her talk to you as she slowly walked up the path to your home, hand holding yours.

(You’d always shyly wave at him, too, when he stopped for a moment to look at you, because Boo-Seungkwan-age-four already felt a sense of fondness toward you.)

So when he tripped on his way home one day, skinning his knee, he was surprised. Not that you were there at all, but... The fact you stopped, turning back to him with this curious look on your face before coming back to him.

“Are you okay?”

He was crying again, sobbing even. Crybaby rang in his head as he furiously shook his head, trying to come up with the words to say. To tell you no, that he was okay, but to still ask for his mom because she would make everything better...

You just stood before him, head tilting before looking down to where he was clutching his knee. And then you gasped, setting your lunchbox down next to him before pulling your dark blue dino backpack off of your back. “It’s okay! I can help!” You were beaming brightly, “Mama is a doctor!”

He thought that meant you would go get her, especially because your house was closer. Instead, you unzipped the little front compartment of your backpack, pulling out this tiny makeshift first aid kit that your step-mom must have put together. You kneeled down, opening it with this serious look on your face as you tried to remember the basic steps you had insisted on your step-mom teaching you, always so independent.

(Truly, there were only three: wet wipe to clean it, bandage to protect it until an adult could look at it properly, and a kiss to make it all better.)

So Seungkwan, now sitting off to the side with you, watched as you very carefully opened this little packet. “It hurts a little,” you said, opening up the wipe. You held out your other hand, “but holding mama’s hand helps me.”

Face still wet from his tears, Seungkwan roughly wiped at his cheeks with one sleeve before taking your hand. He held it tightly as you carefully wiped his knee. It stung, but holding your hand... helped, in a weird way.

With everything carefully cleaned, Seungkwan could finally see how tiny the gash really was. He almost felt embarrassed for being such a crybaby over it, but you didn’t call him that. You let go of his hand, looking deadly serious as you examined his knee further before turning to your tiny first aid kit. “Do you want the dinosaurs or the bears?”

Seungkwan just stared at you, completely confused.

“Hurry!” You said. “Dinos or bears?!”

He mumbled that he wanted the bears, whatever that meant, but he could see the disappointment in your eyes. “But the dinos are okay, too..”

Only for you to smile a moment later, giggling. “It’s okay,” you said, putting down one of two bandages into the box. “I like bears, too.”

Immediately, that set you off rambling about how your dad bought you this HUGE teddy bear for your room after you moved here to be with your step-mom. It was bigger than YOU which meant it was REALLY BIG and you loved it to death. Your tiny hands were careful in smoothing the teddy bear bandage over his knee, and then he watched as you leaned forward to plant a tiny kiss against it.

You turned back to him with a serious expression, “You HAVE to kiss it, or it won’t get better.”

Seungkwan wasn’t sure if that was true (his parents kissed his boo-boos better, sure, but maybe it was true since you sounded so confident in it), but all he knew was that he wasn’t crying anymore. 

With his knee taken care of, you put away the kit into your bag and stood up. You held out your hand, and helped him up, not letting go. Despite the way you struggled with the first part of his name (which wasn’t a first for him--he noticed that a few other kids struggled with it a little), you proudly called him Kwannie and said you would walk him home. He wiped his face again with his sweater sleeve, and let you happily lead the way, talking about your favorite dinosaurs from the big book that your dad bought for you. And he felt happy when you looked at your dad, waiting for you to come home, that you needed to walk Seungkwan to his mom because he got hurt.

Your dad had kind-of laughed before he ruffled your hair, saying he’d be right there waiting for you. Seungkwan almost pouted and told you that he would be okay, but you turned back to him with shimmering eyes, still holding his tiny hand in your own.

Upon coming to his mom and introducing himself, you had turned serious again. “Kwannie got hurt on the way home,” you said, pointing at his knee, “but I helped. Please make sure he takes care of it because--” A pause to breathe, “--because he’s my friend now and I don’t want him to get hurt anymore.”

(Seungkwan, later in life, looked back on that moment happily. His mom still recounted the story with a laugh, so full of love for the tiny child who acted as if they knew how to treat a patient, yet still so polite with her. She’d always cite that as the moment she knew the two of you would be friends.)

Seungkwan, with one hand holding his mom’s, waved at you as you promised to sit with him tomorrow at school before turning tail and running back to your dad. He watched as your dad scooped you up into his arms, carrying you back inside your home as you happily shrieked.

Seungkwan, at age four, lacked the words to know for sure that he loved you. He didn’t know what it fully meant, or how deep his feelings for you would go, but he knew the happy feeling you gave him was the same happiness he felt when he was with his family or his other friends.

Love is happiness, Seungkwan, age four, decided. Love makes you feel happy.

Seungkwan, age eight, was old enough to walk to your house entirely on his own. So were you, which was why Seungkwan was waiting outside his home, head resting in his hands,sitting on his front porch. While his mom would have him do his homework before dinner (his dad liked to sit with him and help him), your dad would always have you do part of it as soon as you came home. He didn’t fully get it, to be honest, but you said something about how your dad liked helping you for part of it, while your step-mom would sit with you for the rest. You always claimed that you didn’t really need it, but Seungkwan wasn’t sure whether to believe you or not. After all, his parents were happy to help him when he needed it. There was nothing wrong with needing help.

But today was Friday, and Friday meant you got to have a sleepover at Seungkwan’s house. He spent all day figuring out how to make the best blanket fort and his parents promised pancakes tomorrow morning. He was giddy with excitement, growing more and more impatient as he waited for you. The new episode of your favorite show came on tonight, too, and he wanted to watch it with you instead of just talking to you about it on Monday or whenever you came over to play next. Plus! His parents said they might take both of you to the pool tomorrow! It was because his sisters wanted to go, but he was okay with that. It still meant that he would get to go swimming with you because it’s unbelievably hot outside.

The only reason he was waiting outside today was because both of his sisters teased him, and he was still mad about it. They said something about how he liked you, and Seungkwan couldn’t fathom what else they meant by it. Of course he liked you! You were his friend--his best friend. But they had laughed at him (strike number one), only to say it was obvious (strike number two) that Seungkwan like liked you (strike number three). Which was gross because you were his best friend! Like-liking you meant he wanted to do things like holding hands with you, which he already did because you were best friends, and... He wasn’t sure. Kissing? Yuck.

But Seungkwan saw you coming down the sidewalk, holding onto the straps of your backpack proudly, and all of that anger melted away like ice cream on the sidewalk. Ooh. That’s an idea... Maybe he’ll ask his mom for ice cream later. He was sure if he stood up that he would be able to see your dad watching you from down the street, making sure you got there safely. But he was too excited. He hopped up, rushing over to you and taking your hand, complaining about how he was about to die of boredom while waiting for you. You merely giggled, letting him drag you into his house. He called out to his mom that you were there, and she barely had the chance to warmly greet you before Seungkwan was already dragging you upstairs to see his cool new lamp that his parents bought him. Plus all of his toys were upstairs--the teddy bears and the action figures and the instruments and everything else--so where else would the two of you go? Outside again? It was too hot for that.

Seungkwan pointed at the large lamp sitting on his dresser. “I’ll show you it later. It’s better when it’s dark.”

You’d accepted his reasoning at face value, trusting him completely before turning your attention to the instruments in his room. His mom had bought him this little toy keyboard for his birthday that year, and you had pushed him to sing because you always loved hearing him sing. It devolved into more noise than music, but the two of you were happy.

Until his sisters told you both to keep it down because they had homework (gross--Seungkwan didn’t want to have that much homework ever). Which meant the two of you decided to brave the heat for the next few hours, because Seungkwan had pouted and said that the two of you would just go somewhere else. There was plenty to do outside anyway, and the two of you could come back in whenever you wanted. His mom called you back in eventually, asking for the two of you to help her and Seungkwan’s dad with making dinner. It was a subtle way to redirect you and Seungkwan’s endless energy somewhere else, but you were always happy to be helping.

Time always seemed to fly faster when Seungkwan was with you. After dinner, the two of you were sitting together to watch the new episode of your show together, his parents sitting in for a little longer. Eventually it was time for your blanket fort, which meant Seungkwan’s dad would help the two of you get everything set up before he and Seungkwan’s mom retired for the night. She had gone around to make sure all the doors were locked, and had gently pulled you aside to remind you where their room was (right down the hall) and that you or Seungkwan could come get them for anything if they needed it.

The last time the two of you had a sleepover, you had grown scared in the middle of the night and ended up going home when you were inconsolable. Seungkwan had felt bad watching your step-mom walk you home, but his mom was reassuring: some people simply got nervous when they were away from their parents for too long. It wasn’t his fault, and it wasn’t yours. Everyone was different. But this time you told her you were determined to stay the full night. Seungkwan wanted you to, as well, but he wouldn’t be mean or anything if you couldn’t.

With a movie coming to an end a little while later, Seungkwan perked up. “Oh!” He climbed out from underneath your blanket fort, bouncing with excitement for a moment, “Wait here!”

Seungkwan rushed up to his room, carefully pulling the lamp from its place. He came back downstairs, making sure to take slower steps than before in order to keep from dropping it. It was this battery operated lamp with a remote and a built-in timer, so the two of you could leave it on for a while since it’d go off by itself. He set it down in front of you, walking away to turn off all of the lamps and to draw the curtains shut even tighter. He came back to you, the only light in the room being from the television screen with its rolling credits, and sat down. He clicked it on a few times, and then the room was lit up with little stars everywhere.

You went wide-eyed and gasped, filled with pure excitement with the sight (and Seungkwan found himself smiling, overjoyed that he had made you happy). “It’s beautiful...”

This is love, too, Seungkwan thought to himself. Love was more than just feeling happiness around someone. It was sharing it, too. His face was illuminated by the lamp’s stars, and so was yours as the lights slowly rotated around the room. Love is sharing happiness.

Somehow, in all the shuffle, Seungkwan looked up and noticed that your favorite bear (the one he gave you, he proudly thought) was stuck underneath the coffee table. It must have been pushed over there while the two of you were having snacks, since you’d carefully cleared the area.

“Your bear...” He pointed out, hugging the dinosaur you’d given him for his fifth birthday close to his chest.

“Oh!” You crawled over, stretching out your arm to grab it and pull it close to you.

Only to pop up too quickly, bumping the top of your head on the bottom of the table, having slightly underestimated how much space you needed to safely get back. You gasped in pain, crawling back out fully and turning back to him with teary eyes.

“It’s okay!” He said quickly, gently talking to you to help calm you back down. The same way his mom would talk to him when he did the same. The same way you did, too, four years ago. He looked, fingers threading through your hair as he tried to see if there was a bruise--thankful he found none. He leaned forward, gently kissing the top of your head before he sat back down in front of you.

“It helps, right?” He said, recalling your very professional advice from all the time ago. Although maybe Seungkwan was starting to realize that it wasn’t magic...

But you just stared at him for a moment, before you burst into giggles. He puffed his cheeks out in response, a little miffed that you were laughing at him.

Only to regret it a second later. “I’m glad you’re my best friend, Kwannie,” you said. Another second later and you gasped, reaching over for your backpack. “I drew a picture for us!” 

“For us...?” He watched curiously as you rooted around in your backpack, shoving things aside before you pulled out a folded-up piece of paper.

You nodded, slowly opening it up and smoothing it out. “Adults live together, right?”

You had drawn a nice little house with a rainbow above it. The two of you, clearly labeled just in case someone didn’t get it, stood in the middle in front of it, with drawn-on smiles as you held hands. Around you were smaller figures that Seungkwan figured out based on the number of people had to be both your family and his. There was also this little thing on the ground that looked kind-of like a cat... or maybe it was a dog. He couldn’t figure out which.

“So when we get bigger,” you continued, “we’ll all live together in one biiig house.” Your eyes were twinkling, far prettier than the ones from his cool lamp. “And we’ll get a pet. I started to draw a kitty, but then I remembered that you like dogs, so...”

He took the paper from you to study closer. “We can have both,” he said, studying it closely. He could see where the triangle ears had been made into more puppy-like ones. “And they’ll be best friends...” And then he sniffled, emotions already betraying him as he was overwhelmed with this pure joy for you.

Boo Seungkwan, age eight, thought that he loved you almost as much as he loved his family. You were his best friend, and he knew this at that moment.

This is what love is, right? Sharing happiness. At least, that was what he thought it was as he later fell asleep next to you, his pastel blue dinosaur tucked into his arms while the projector covered both of you and the room around you with stars. Your picture was tucked away nearby, and Seungkwan dreamed that night of a rainbow over a big house where all of the people he loved most were all together.

Seungkwan, age twelve, finally started to feel like an adult. That was why he liked to walk to your house after his after-school study sessions: because he didn’t get to see you anymore. His parents enrolled him in a boys school, which you continued on to attend a co-ed school in the area. He’d been a little bitter about it to begin with, but he was old enough to know that he could see you pretty much whenever he wanted to. He had a flip phone, he could call you whenever he wanted (except he had to be mindful of how many minutes he had, so he’d just call you on his home phone instead) to ask if he could come over. So coming over to your house was how Seungkwan chose to see you when everything else was over. He played basketball, too, so it kind-of meant it ate into his time with you... but he still made friends that way.

(But he still would proudly say that you were his best friend, which meant he liked you the most.)

The two of you did homework together most days. You would get home before he did from your soccer practice (although you always said whether you were any good at it was up to debate; but Seungkwan said he would be the loudest person in the stands for you at any and every game he could make), so he would just go straight to your house. He knocked, you would let him in, and the two of you would spread out your homework at your dining table and talk about whatever while you worked.

“There’s this new guy in my class...”

Seungkwan felt his heart sink a little. “Huh?”

“I dunno...” You were smiling a little, balancing your pen between your fingers. “He’s cute.”

But I’m cuter, right? Seungkwan pushed back on that thought hard. No need to play the jealous best friend. “And?”

“And what?”

“Is he just cute?”

You had hummed for a moment, thinking over the question. “I don’t know... He answered a question for me when I was struggling with it. And then, I dunno... He just kinda smiled at me.”

Seungkwan had never hated the fact he didn’t go to school with you more than he did now. “Does he go to your games?”

You looked up with this knowing smile, reading him so easily. With a teasing glimmer in your eyes, you rested your head in one hand, “Oh... Kwannie, are you jealous?”

“No!” He huffed, pouting at your words. “I just... He...” He didn’t know what to say. He was a little jealous. He missed being around you so much.

Instead of pushing him further, you just laughed. “It’s okay,” you said, foot bumping against his calf. “No one’s going to replace you. You’re still my favorite person.”

Until you find someone else, a tiny voice in the back of his head told him. He just kind of frowned, going quiet.

And then you frowned, too. “Seungkwan...”

“It’s fine,” he said. “I’m not jealous you have other friends.” Not other guy friends that you call cute, but... “I just miss being around you.”

“I know, but... I don’t like him more than I like you,” you said. “You’re always going to be my number one favorite person...” You kind-of smiled, “Just like how I’m your number two favorite.”

He looked up, brows drawing together. “Two...?”

“Isn’t your mom number one?”

He nodded. Right, but... “If we’re just talking about friends,” he shifted in his chair a little, “then you’re my number one favorite, too.”

The statement earned a shy smile from you in response, immediately making you change the subject back to the math homework that the two of you were supposed to be working on. Seungkwan liked that cute smile, though, even if he had to turn away from it to look at math. He liked doing homework with you, too. You’d help him with his English homework, he’d help you with history...

It worked. The two of you just fit together.

A few hours later, his mom called him on that little flip phone (Seungkwan still wanted one with a screen, but his parents said maybe when he was older--he didn’t need a distraction. But he could barely even text you or any of his friends on it. At least you had one of those phones with the slider keyboard thing) to come back home, and he groaned after he hung up the call. He wasn’t done talking to you, but you just reminded him that you could call him on the home phone after his parents have gone to bed. He promised he would just use his cell phone--he had the minutes, he just preferred saving them--and then reminded you of his upcoming basketball game. You already promised to be there with a poster for him with whatever he wanted on it.

Seungkwan walked home slowly, savoring a few minutes of alone time before he came back in. He set his bag down on the couch with the plan to move it later, already hearing his mom greet him and immediately give him instructions. There was already a cutting board and a knife waiting for him with a few vegetables sitting atop it. So he washed his hands, and then got to work with helping her as she rattled off dinner plans casually.

At one point, he stopped, conflicted in his feelings. He thought he knew, but... “Mom?” She hummed in acknowledgement, a sign for him to continue. “What is love like?”

His mom stopped what she was doing, turning to him with a certain tenderness in her eyes as she watched him for a moment. His sisters had boyfriends before (although that, in Seungkwan’s mind, was always different because it was gross to see them hold hands or kiss because ew, gross, he doesn’t want to see them do that). He’d seen his parents love each other, too, throughout his life in the quiet way that parents seemed to: carrying burdens together, helping one another with the hard things of being an adult... Yet it seemed his mother had just realized how big he’d grown. When did he get this old to start asking such big questions like that?

“Love is...” She paused, clearly thinking her words over carefully. “Love is hard to define.”

Seungkwan pouted. That didn’t help.

She could see that, and in response smiled to herself with this light chuckle. “Love is a lot of things, Seungkwan. Love can be when you see someone and feel a need to care deeply for them--as much as you care about yourself.”

“And?”

His mom continued with preparing dinner, gesturing quickly for Seungkwan to keep working as well. “You want the best for them. Sometimes it means putting aside your own feelings in order to help them.”

“And?”

His mom looked up again, setting down her own knife. “Seungkwan... You’ll know it when you feel it.”

Love is a feeling. Seungkwan could accept that one a little more, as obscure as it sounded.

And he knew that night as he started to drift off while talking to you on the phone that the warm feeling in his chest, curled up there like a kitten finding its home, was love.

Seungkwan, age fifteen, was your high school classmate again. Gone were the awkward middle school years.. Except the stupid bouts of jealousy whenever you talked to him about boys that you thought were cute. He was your best friend, you were allowed to like other people, but the feelings he harbored for you felt complicated and he always pouted over it later when he was alone. This wasn’t fair to you. Why couldn’t his feelings just be fair?

Except this time was worse. This time one of those guys asked you out. Not that Seungkwan would have stopped him: he didn’t think you liked him the same way he liked you. His mom told him that love meant sometimes putting someone else’s feelings above your own. That was why he was lying on your bed, waiting for you to come back upstairs with your snacks, listening to the CD that the two of you made together. You had begged for him to come help you figure out what to wear on your date with some guy who used to play soccer with you (it was some whole friend thing in the park, not officially as a team). Seungkwan, as much as it killed him, was happy to help you. That was what friends were for, right? You’d do the same for him. 

He could hear the sound of your footsteps approaching and perked up, watching as you pushed your bedroom door open with your shoulder. “Okay. So...”

You made your way over, passing him a bottle of water before carefully setting down the two bowls of snacks you’d scrounged up. You then walked over to the MP3 player speakers, turning them down to avoid a distraction. Seungkwan just waited as you opened up your closet doors, lips pressing together thoughtfully.

“His dad is going to drop us off at an amusement park,” you started sifting through clothes, “and then I think we’re going to see a movie afterward, too.”

(Seungkwan, although he was very good at hiding it, started to stew a little in his own feelings. A movie? What if Yuchan kissed you? Then he’ll die because what if you and Yuchan were perfect together and you forgot all about Seungkwan?)

“So... I was thinking... Maybe something comfortable?”

“Like jeans?”

You glanced back at him over your shoulder before shrugging. “I dunno. I looked it up and there aren’t any water rides, but what if it’s too hot for jeans?”

“Then wear shorts,” Seungkwan almost wanted to roll his eyes, instead opting to busy himself with grabbing the bowl of chips. “I’ll check the weather.”

While you continued to fret over things, Seungkwan pulled up the weather on his phone to check. It didn’t seem like it’d be too hot, so jeans (or whatever pants you wanted) seemed like a fine option to him. But then you turned to him, clutching a pretty yellow and black striped shirt, and frowned.

“Seungkwan, what if he wants to kiss me?”

His heart skipped a beat at the question, and Seungkwan hoped that he looked nonchalant as he glanced at you before shoving a chip into his mouth. “If you want to kiss him, then kiss him.” Please sound normal. Please don’t give me away--

“But what if I’m bad at it? I’ve never kissed anyone before...”

Seungkwan looked up, tucking his phone back into his pocket. He could see the gears turning in your head. In the same moment he said “No,” you were already speaking up with a “Seungkwan, can you kiss me?”

His word sank in, and you pouted. “Why not? You’re my best friend. It won’t be weird if it’s you.”

Seungkwan felt the blood rushing to his face. “Because it’d be my first kiss, too.”

“So you don’t want me to be your first kiss, either?” You huffed, “Well, what if you’re bad at it?”

He opened his mouth to counter you, only to stop as the words escaped him. Seungkwan, age fifteen, thought you had a point. But Seungkwan, age fifteen, did not want to concede so easily. “So you think I’ll be bad at it?”

You let out a loud groan, head falling back. “If we’re each other’s first kiss, then it won’t be a big deal when we do it for real. If you really don’t want to kiss me, I’ll shut up, but I trust you more than--”

Seungkwan sighed, setting aside the snacks as he hopped up. He came over to you, only to realize he came... far too close. Closer than he meant to, but you still shut up and stared at him. “Just... Lean in and do it, right?”

That was what they did on TV. In movies. In books.

A moment later, you nodded. “Are you sure?”

And then Seungkwan nodded, confidence dwindling by the second. “I’m sure. Are you...?”

He was. If he sucked, then you’d tell him. He trusted you, too, after all. Seungkwan leaned in tentatively, uncertain in his movements... only for his forehead to smack straight into your own. The two of you immediately leaned back with a wince, your hand flying to your forehead as he squeezed his eyes shut. Years ago, you would have laughed at him and kissed his forehead to make it better. Now you would always just get embarrassed whenever he brought it up, reminding him that you were four and that he did it, too, before learning that kisses weren’t a valid form of medicine.

Surprisingly, though, he did hear you laugh a moment later. “Just... stay still, then,” you said.

He opened his eyes, and you reached up, gently holding his face in place before angling your own.

And then you kissed him. Seungkwan, age fifteen, did not want these few seconds to end. It was awkward, and your nose bumped against his when you went in for the kiss, but you didn’t shy away like he did when your foreheads smacked. Your lips were softer than he thought they’d be (and he was overthinking, positive that his were chapped because he lost his lip balm weeks ago and kept forgetting to get a new stick). But he kissed you back, uncertain in the motion, just to do it. To say that he kissed you, too. That it wasn’t one sided.

A few seconds later, and it was over. Neither of you knew what to say. He backed off, heart racing in his ears as he watched you.

“His favorite color is yellow,” you said after a moment, holding up the shirt you’d thrown onto your bed at some point. “So I thought--”

“Yellow suits you,” he said, hoping that you wouldn’t notice the hopelessly fond look on his face. He stepped back again, sitting back down on your bed. “Pair it with the black jeans. Don’t take a jacket. If you get cold, he should give it to you.”

“But what if he’s not wearing one?”

A fair point, but... “He will,” Seungkwan said. If he’s serious about wooing you, he’ll wear one just so he can give it to you.

Seungkwan, at that moment, thought that he loved you. And he loved you enough that he would let you go happily, your happiness becoming most important to him. Even if that decision choked him up, he would do it to see that happy smile on your face any day.

(You called him when you got home the night-of, saying that Yuchan did give you his jacket and that he almost kissed you when he walked you to your door. Seungkwan merely said he was happy for you, ignoring the ache in his chest as he curled up tight in his bed.)

Love, Seungkwan decided, was complicated.

Seungkwan, age nineteen, felt... complicated about a lot now.

You ended up dating Yuchan for two years, only for things to change as life became more hectic. School got harder, Yuchan became more dedicated to soccer and getting a scholarship with it, you busied yourself with trying to get into a good school. So was Seungkwan, actually. Weirdly enough, he didn’t realize how intertwined that process would be for the two of you. He wanted to do something with law school in the future (there was a reason he was on the debate team and good at it, and it was only partially because of his stubbornness), and you were either going pre-med for a career in nursing or maybe paleontology instead. You hadn’t decided yet, but as long as the school had a strong STEM program, you would be happy.

(Seungkwan joked that he should have known: those were two of your interests when you met. Dinosaurs and patching up your best friend who had his clumsy moments same as anyone else.)

And so the two of you ended up in the same school by happenstance. Seungkwan was one of the youngest in his year (the fact that you were a little older than him was always something you used to tease him), and on move-in day he was staring at his roommate, one Kim Mingyu. He was pretty damn chatty, which was okay, and he usually invited over the other two guys who live in their same suite. Seokmin was pretty nice, too, and he usually kept Seungkwan in conversations whenever he started to feel a little out of place. Minghao, a foreign student who came to study here because of the solid journalism program, was quieter--but that wasn’t a problem in the slightest.

What WAS a problem was the way you told Seungkwan that you had someone you wanted to introduce him to a few months into the school year. And when you showed up to the coffee shop the two of you had found within the first week, you were holding the hand of this stupidly hot dude who looked like a dick because he had his headphones hanging around his neck and wearing a beanie when it was definitely not cold enough for a beanie.

(Seungkwan, truthfully, was looking for reasons to hate him. But then you smiled at the guy after the two of you ordered, squeezed his hand, and guided him over to where Seungkwan was sitting, and he felt... guilty for doing so. Stupid hot boyfriend who makes you happy...)

“This is my best friend, Seungkwan,” you said to him, and Seungkwan took pride in the fact you introduced him first. “Seungkwan,” you smiled at him brightly, “this is Vernon! He’s technically an early graduate--something about his homeschooling program, he can tell you the details--but he’s in our year.”

Vernon gave him a polite smile and “sup,” before going on to say that he’d heard a lot about Seungkwan, actually. Another little thing for Seungkwan to take pride in. “They were telling me about how the two of you go way back. That’s actually why we haven’t met until now.”

Seungkwan looked at you in confusion. He knew that you’d started seeing someone a few weeks ago, but... You purposefully didn’t tell him who? Or anything about the guy?

“You���ve known me since we were four,” you said with a pout. “You would have told him so many stories about me. You did the same thing with that girl in high school!”

He did... For the exact same reason. While you did know the girl already, you had agreed to stay back until Seungkwan was ready to formally introduce you to her. That relationship didn’t last long to be fair, but he was terrified of all the blackmail you had over him. You, like him, had pictures, too.

“Plus... I dunno, I wanted to figure out where we stood,” you looked at Vernon with this soft smile on your face. Seungkwan thought he could see the love in your eyes, too.

Seungkwan cleared his throat. “I’m still going to tell him stories. He should know these things about you,” he said, a mischievous smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, “like your emo phase in middle school--”

Immediately, you whined. “Nooo! I know you have pictures!”

“And I’ll use them.”

Vernon, to Seungkwan’s surprise because of the cool-guy aura he seemed to carry, actually chuckled in response. “I think we’ve all got embarrassing stuff. It’s fine,” he said, and then spoke quieter to you, “It’s cute.”

And that ended up shutting you up with this really cute smile that Seungkwan had always found cute. “Anyway...” You turned back to Seungkwan with this look of concern for a moment. Yet the second you went to open your mouth, your name ended up being called out by the barista, leading you to quickly excuse yourself.

Seungkwan knew you’d take a few minutes to get your coffee to where you liked it. So he turned to Vernon right as the guy was about to strike up polite conversation, “I’m still their best friend, just so you know.”

Immediately, Vernon gave him this weird look, brows drawing together. “Sorry... What?”

“Just because we haven’t met until now doesn’t mean they like you more than me,” he said, crossing his arms. I come first, he wanted to say. I’ve known them since we were four. Remember that.

“Woah, dude, I didn’t say anything--” He paused for a moment, glancing over to where you were fiddling with sugar packets. “They’re cute. They’ve been talking about you a lot lately. If you’re upset they didn’t introduce me sooner, it’s just because they were worried you're gonna hate me.”

... You cared about his opinion that much? Seungkwan mentally smacked himself--of course you did. The two of you valued each other like that. “Oh.”

“Nah, man, I’m not gonna step on your friendship or anything,” Vernon leaned back in his chair. “I know you two are close. But they’re still my date, though....” Vernon was... way chiller than Seungkwan thought he’d be. He was sure most guys would have been offended. “But if you wanna be friends, I’m down. You seem cool. They said you sing?”

Seungkwan’s face was burning from embarrassment now, especially for trying to be petty and establish some stupid sense of dominance over him. “Yeah,” he said, feeling so small now. “I love singing.”

Vernon smiled a little, nodding along, “I’ve got a friend who’s been trying to get me to go to karaoke. Maybe all four of us could go sometime?”

... Admittedly, it was almost cute how Vernon just kind-of configured you into these plans. Probably because he knew that you, too, loved karaoke. You and Seungkwan had spent way too many hours growing up lying about doing homework when you were actually at a noraebang.

“I’d like that, actually.”

When you finally came back, it was to Vernon bringing up movies that he loved and Seungkwan engaging him in that conversation happily. And he could see the way you smiled at the way they were getting along. He got along with Yuchan just fine: so he could get along with Vernon, too. Besides... Vernon actually seemed pretty cool. Maybe in another life, they would already be best friends.

Seungkwan parted ways from the two of you as you said you’d be walking Vernon back to his dorm (meaning that you’d likely call Seungkwan later to talk), and he found himself hurrying back to his own. Mingyu was sitting at his desk, studying his notes from class with earbuds in, giving Seungkwan a welcome reprieve from being social for a few minutes. He found his own homework, breaking into a history textbook to start working there for the next few hours.

Later that night, you had called him while he was studying. Seungkwan could see you standing outside when he picked up, watching the way you happily waved one arm wildly at him to get him to come down. So he pocketed his keys, slipped into his shoes, and called back to Mingyu that he’d be back in a few minutes. He expected you to maybe tease him over the stupid shit he pulled with Vernon (he felt like Vernon would have let it slip, even though he didn’t seem offended), but instead you hugged him tight.

“I hope you know I love you a lot,” you said, “and I’ve wanted you to meet him since we started dating, but...”

Those bitter feelings slipped through Seungkwan’s fingers, melting away as he hugged you back. “You were scared he’d find something to dislike about you,” he sighed. “It’s okay. I like him.”

You stepped back, smiling brightly. “Really?”

“He’s nice. He obviously likes you,” he said with a shrug. “So he passes my test. But if he ever hurts you, I’ll fight him.”

You knew he would. It wasn’t the first time Seungkwan had said it, after all. “Just don’t steal him from me, Kwannie,” you patted him on the chest. “I almost thought I was your third wheel for a minute, y’know.”

... So maybe Seungkwan did get along great with Vernon. More than he really liked to admit. Fuck, Vernon was kind of perfect, wasn’t he? He was respectful toward him even after he tried to be all “myeh myeh I’m their best friend so you come second” like a child, and he fully understood that both of them were important people in your life...

“Thank you for not embarrassing me, y’know,” you said. “I mean, you still have videos from the time we tried to go rollerskating...”

(To be fair: so did you. Both of you quit because you were bad at it and got tired of falling, and spent the rest of your time in the arcade portion instead, being bad at games together.)

“I wouldn’t do that to you,” Seungkwan said. “Not this soon, at least. Maybe if he sticks around...”

It earned a laugh from you. That was how your relationship with Yuchan had been, too: there was a point where neither of you thought the embarrassing stuff would mess with your relationship too much. “I know,” you said. “I guess I just got in my own head. I really like him, y’know?”

He could tell. You looked at him the way Seungkwan was sure he looked at you--even though you never noticed. He bantered with you a little more, saying that Vernon would regret inviting both of you to karaoke when those plans came around, and made his way back inside. With a sigh, he flopped onto his bed, the noise enough to drag Mingyu out of his studies.

He chuckled. “I think it’s a little obvious how you feel.”

Seungkwan grasped, immediately reaching for the nearest soft thing to lob at him. And... It was that pastel blue dino plushie that he’d had since he was five. He used to hide it until Mingyu found it by accident while Seungkwan had been gathering his laundry. When he said it was a gift from you, Mingyu understood and said it was sweet how he held onto it so long. Which meant that Seungkwan would sometimes leave that dino plushie out when the others weren’t around. It comforted him to see it whenever he was getting stressed. Other times, the little guy lived in the top of his closet for safekeeping. Hell, Seungkwan had accidentally ripped the little guy’s leg and Mingyu had been the one who patched it up.

At no response from Seungkwan, Mingyu finally turned around, only to see Seungkwan staring at the dino plushie in his hands. “Why don’t you just tell them how you feel?”

“They’re dating some guy named Vernon now.” He ran his thumb along the stitching on the side. “I don’t think they love me back.”

Mingyu frowned, looking up to the clock on the wall, and then back to Seungkwan. “It’s not too late. Let’s go out,” he hopped up, shutting his books. “I’ll see if Seokmin and Hao are free, too.”

Seungkwan could feel that familiar ache in his chest--the same one he felt when you called him, giddy about your date with Yuchan--but softer than it had been before. You were happy. What more could he want?

This, too, was love. As long as you were happy, he could move on.

(And maybe he’ll like the girl Mingyu later offered to set him up with, swearing that he’d love her...)

Seungkwan was twenty-two when he had another major fight with you.

The first time the two of you fought, you’d been kids. He barely remembered what it was about, but it resulted in him not talking to you for a week (which was like a thousand years in little-kid time) until you finally showed up to his door. You sobbed and said you missed him so bad, and apologized a thousand times until he started crying because he missed you, too. The second time had been in middle school over something stupid and immature, and he remembered that the two of you fought bad enough that you stormed off until he bribed you to talk to him again via ice cream and a serious conversation (thank you to his mom, actually: she was the one who talked sense into him first). The third was in high school because you had hated his girlfriend at the time. He hadn’t let you speak, and told you to get out of his house, only to come back together again later that night--halfway between your houses. The two of you apologized to one another: him because he heard from a few hours later that you had fought with his girlfriend in the halls for talking horribly about him behind his back, and you because you should have told him the truth right away.

And now... Things were different. The two of you now lived together in a crummy apartment that felt too small for the two of you. You were studying to become a nurse after you graduated, and Seungkwan was following his plans to set himself up for law school. He’d managed to luck out with getting an internship at this law firm in the city before he was even in law school, Yoon & Hong Law Group. The two of you had gone out to celebrate with Vernon and Chan back when he got the call. When he went in for his first day, Jeonghan had told him it was because of his application that they let him in. They liked his drive, and they remembered being in his position not too long ago. He and Joshua weren’t the original Yoon and Hong (that was his dad and Joshua’s mom, who still headed the firm), but they’d take over the firm one day and they hoped that Seungkwan would still be part of that future. Where Seungkwan had been accepted, you were still waiting on replies from nursing schools.

While you and Vernon had only dated for about a year before that spark fizzled away (which was something Seungkwan couldn’t wrap his head around: how did it take a year for that to happen? Then again, a year stopped feeling so long after you became an adult...), the two of you were still friends. Somewhere along the way, Seungkwan started to consider Vernon as one of his closest friends, too--not number one, because that would always be you, but still pretty damn up there.

He remembered when the two of you broke up. He knew that both of you were talking about things seriously, because you loved each other, just not enough. Vernon had apparently asked if that meant you wanted to break up. You had said you still loved him, he said he still loved you, and then you both had to really examine whether you two loved each other romantically or just as close friends. Although it took a break to cope with your own feelings after mutually agreeing you’d be better off as friends, Seungkwan was glad that the two of you came back together... even if he still remembered the way you broke down crying when you came home to him that day. You’d sobbed into his shoulder that you still loved him, but you couldn’t love Vernon the way he deserved to be loved.

And Seungkwan, ever the dutiful best friend, held you through that storm until it had calmed. Then it was time for him to take care of you: to order dinner and put on movies and forget about your assignments together for a few hours. He’d even gone out to get the dessert you liked, only splitting it evenly with you when you firmly insisted. You’d rested your head on his shoulder and told him that the feeling sucked. He understood. He just let you cuddle him as much as you needed to.

Vernon later called him to ask how you were doing. When Seungkwan, having stepped onto the balcony to take the call, looked back at your sleeping back, he felt relieved. Vernon had been honest with him: the two of you needed time to get over the breakup. Seungkwan confessed he didn’t want to lose either of you as friends, and neither did Vernon. Neither did you. A few months later, things were getting back to normal again. You and Vernon had physically been close, but that was because you were always like Seungkwan: physically affectionate with any and every person you cared about. It was a little awkward in the beginning, sure, but Vernon happily returned your hugs soon enough and everything became normal.

Seungkwan, on the other hand, had also dated a few people. The girl that Mingyu set him up with didn’t last long. The others... were also short-lived relationships. The longest one he had over the past few years lasted almost half a year, but he’d ended it after having enough of feeling like garbage. It hadn't been toxic or abusive, but the initially playful jabs at his chubby cheeks or his body toward the end of the relationship had been enough for him. He valued himself too highly to put up with that bullshit.

Also, you’d been getting pissed: the last time they said that shit to him, you finally snapped (admittedly while drunk) that your Boo was cute and his ass was great and that they could fuck off if they weren’t going to appreciate him for who he was. They had gotten offended, and Seungkwan gladly chose you over them... even if the comment about his ass finally hit him hours later after he’d helped you to bed, and it stuck with him to this day

To be honest, Seungkwan thought his feelings for you would have gone away by now. The two of you had known each other for almost two decades. He knew he’d always love you... but like this? Where he looked at you and sometimes daydreamed of what could be if he’d stop playing a coward and told you how he felt? It was different. As much as Seungkwan wanted to tell you, he wasn’t going to jeopardize his friendship for it. Things were good.

... Until he went and opened his stupid fucking mouth and told you that he hated your boyfriend. He said outright that your boyfriend was a shit person who didn’t deserve you. He saw the way he spoke about you, the vulgar way he acted, and the way you’d swatted his hands away too many damn times because you didn’t want to be touched that way in that moment. This last time, Seungkwan had snapped at him for trying to bother you in your own home. You didn’t stand up to either of them, and your boyfriend left the apartment pissed off, which in turn made you pissed at Seungkwan.

“I just don’t see why you can’t be fucking nice to him!” You had snapped, fists balled tight at your sides. “You liked Yuchan,you liked Vernon--what’s so different about Donghae?! Why can’t you just be happy for me?!”

That had struck a nerve. “I am happy for you!” He snapped. “I’ve always been happy for you! But Donghae doesn’t respect you, and I’m not going to stand here when you deserve better!”

“If it bothered me, I’d tell him to stop--”

“You have! I’ve seen you tell him to stop--but he doesn’t respect you, so he doesn’t listen! You shouldn’t date some idiot who doesn’t respect you--”

Things had grown louder from there until you finally had enough. You were pissed off, and you barked back something about needing space before stomping out of the apartment. That had been a little over half an hour ago, and with a messy apron folded beside him, he was sitting on the couch, replaying the conversation over and over. He called Vernon, who came over with Chan, within the next fifteen minutes.

“Ah. Dude, you kinda fucked up,” was what Vernon said once he heard the full story.

“I dunno,” Chan frowned from his spot in the cozy armchair that you had picked out so long ago for the apartment. Most of the time Chan and Seungkwan would bicker over the smallest thing, but it was clear how much he cared about him from how serious he took things like this. “Donghae is an asshole. I’m just surprised he didn’t say it sooner.”

“I’m not saying he shouldn’t have said it, I’m just saying he shouldn’t have said it like that.”

Seungkwan was sitting on the couch. There was a cake, hastily made from a box mix, cooling in the freezer to get it done faster. I’m sorry I wasn’t nicer about your dick boyfriend probably wouldn’t fit on a cake. His phone rang, and it was his mom (the only time he’d ever be disappointed to hear from her, Seungkwan was certain). He excused himself to step out on the balcony, embracing the cold air to clear his head as he picked up. It started with her asking how he was doing, and he ended up crying before confessing he had another big fight with you. The first one in years, since the two of you didn’t fight often. Tiny arguments, sure, but that was different. He hadn’t heard from you in maybe an hour now, and he was worried.

His mom listened to his concerns, and told him what his friends had told him: that his heart was in the right place (especially since Seungkwan told her that he thought you weren’t being treated well), but that he just needed to communicate it better. Calling your boyfriend an asshole to his face was probably the worst way to go about it.

“It’s just complicated,” Seungkwan confessed, wiping hard at his face.

“Love always is,” was what his mom said. “You’ll learn that when you grow up.”

He let out a sigh before pouting. “I’m already grown up...”

His mother’s warm chuckle calmed him further. “You’ll understand that later, too. You should make sure that they’re safe.” 

So Seungkwan did: he texted you to ask if you were. You didn’t respond, not that he expected you to reply immediately. You needed time to cool off. He followed up the text to tell you that if he didn’t hear from you within the next two hours, he was going to go out looking, and then pocketed his phone.

He had a cake to ice, after all, even if it might end up looking bad. Vernon and Chan had followed him into the kitchen where he frosted the cooled cake with white icing, mixing up pink and preparing a piping bag.

Chan had been the one to question it: “So... What’s the cake for?”

“Apology cake,” Vernon whispered. “For not saying stuff right. He’s done it once before.”

(It had been over an hour since you were gone. Seungkwan was going to finish this damn cake to distract himself.)

He’d managed to get a decent-ish looking border done, starting on the words when he heard the chime of the door. All he had done was an I’m So when he heard your footsteps, far lighter than the last time he’d heard them.

“Oh. Hey.”

“You good?” Vernon asked.

He could hear the rustle of a plastic bag in your hands. “Mmm... Maybe. I dunno.”

Seungkwan said nothing as he finished Sorry on the cake. That would do for now.

“Seungkwan?” He could hear you growing closer to him. “Um...” Out of the corner of his eye, he could see you look to Vernon and Chan. “God... They probably already know, so I’ll just say it. I’m sorry.”

He looked up. “Huh?”

“I shouldn’t have talked to you like that.” The bag in your hand rustled further in your grip. “I mean... You were right. He was a dick, and... I dunno, I left, and then he called me, and he kept saying all this stupid shit about how you never respected me, and... I just told him I was done.”

Seungkwan stared at you. “You broke up with him?”

“I mean... I probably should have when he stopped listening to me, but--” Then you looked at the cake. “Seungkwan, what are you--”

He stepped aside, letting you see the writing. “I’m sorry I got angry,” he said. “And I’m sorry I spoke to you like that. I think... We both got upset really fast.”

Which was true. Both of you had been stressed lately with everything else going on. That didn’t help with what happened today.

“Oh my god.”

“I know it looks bad--”

You shook your head, opening the bag to pull out a pint of cookies and cream ice cream. “I got you apology ice cream,” you had lightly laughed, only to remember the other two in the room with you. “Ah, fuck--I should have known you would have called them over... I should have bought more--”

“We still have vanilla,” Seungkwan said, “They’ll be fine.”

And despite their playful complaints, both were fine with that when you brought out the carton from the freezer. The four of you had your cake and your ice cream as a nice little indulgence after a stressful night. Seungkwan sent them off with the extra cake because neither of you wanted it. He quietly cleaned up, bringing the other dishes over to where you’d started to quietly clean them in the sink.

“I really mean it,” Seungkwan said. “I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. I’m sorry.” 

You frowned at him. “Seungkwan...” You reached past him, grabbing the dish towel to dry your hands on. Then you stepped forward, wrapping your arms around him tight. “I know. We’re better friends than this, though... I shouldn’t have assumed you were being a dick when you’ve always been looking out for me. I mean... You care about me more than a lot of people, y’know?”

“You do the same,” he said, hugging you back. He always liked the way you felt so warm in his arms. Like everything would be okay if he just had you there. “I know I’m loved... But I don’t doubt it or get in my head when it’s you.”

It felt like a confession. You pulled away from him after a moment, hands now lingering on his upper arm as you stared at him for a moment. He almost saw something on your face, but you turned away before he could try to figure out what it was. You went back to doing the dishes, and Seungkwan wordlessly stepped in to help you with them.

Seungkwan thought to himself, in that moment, that he was doomed to always love you no matter who he saw. That the person he was looking for in every single person would always be you. But... if it meant the two of you stayed connected so deeply like this, even when you were angry at one another, then he would be okay with it.

Even when you fought, he would always love you. Maybe that, too, was part of love, as complicated as it was to admit that.

Seungkwan was twenty-four when things were... beyond stressful. Between law school being hard and nursing school draining you most days, Seungkwan felt like he barely saw you despite living together. If nothing else, he barely saw you happy most days. Neither of you really went out with anyone unless they were friends, careers taking priority over any kind of romantic relationship. But that was okay: the two of you had talked about that kind of thing over a rare dinner together. You didn’t want to bring anyone new into your life when everything was so busy, and he was too stressed to really let go with someone that wasn’t already close to him. The two of you were working hard, and all you could really do was support the other through it all. Sometimes it took the form of movie nights when he came disgruntled and unable to read another word of his text book or old cases, and he liked to think he was better at giving massages after long hours of you being in the hospital for things. God knew you should see a professional, but you were trying to save up and keep money in your account for rent and food and other necessities right now. When you were an actual nurse, maybe then you’d start occasionally seeing a professional.

It also came with the two of you venting to one another. He’d heard about the people that you worked with. About Dr. Choi, who was strict but seemed to have a soft spot  for you because you brought him a latte once when he looked particularly exhausted. Seungkwan actually met another nurse you worked with--Jeon Wonwoo--when he went up to the hospital one night because you forgot your umbrella... Only for Wonwoo to have been leaving at the same time, offering both of you a ride back to your apartment. Seungkwan, despite knowing just how stressed your job made you, liked how happy you were with it. He thought it was definitely good for you, and you always loved to talk about how you were helping people--even as a student. There were shitty patients who disrespected you (and your fellow medical professionals), but your drive was in your desire to make other people happier.

It was Saturday now, a rare day where you came home hours ago from working. He’d moved his headphones off when you came in, only for you to wave him off saying that you’d talk after you got a little rest. He readjusted them, and went back to studying hard. He was tired, though, and he could feel his eyelids growing heavier. He had research he had to do earlier, and now he was catching up in reading for one of his classes... Two years and he still wasn’t done, but at least he wasn’t in it alone. He had you.

His headphones must have gotten knocked askew when he fell asleep over his books, because the knock at the door had been enough to wake him up. He pulled his headphones off, getting up to stretch on his walk over. He opened the door, only to find a package waiting outside that was addressed to you. Seungkwan brought it inside, making a mental note to refill his water bottle in a minute, about to call out for you when you rushed in.

“Don’t open it!”

He wasn’t going to, but he nearly dropped the damn thing at how loud you suddenly were. You took the box from him quickly, hugging it tight to you with one arm as you fished around in a drawer for the box cutter. Seungkwan realized that he had apparently blocked everything you’d been doing out for the past hour (or maybe he was just that deeply asleep for a bit), because there were suddenly way more blankets in there than the two of you usually kept... and you had stolen one of the chairs from the dining table, pushed the coffee table forward...

“What are you doing?”

You’d already sat down on the floor, opening up the box. He hadn’t seen you this lively since that late night study group around midterms, and that was because of all the caffeine in your system. You’d been beyond burnt out since then, working on countless assignments and going to work. Today had just been a rare Saturday where both of you were home, just giving you time to study and rest before next week kicked your asses once more.

“Can you bring the batteries?” You called out over your shoulder. “Triple-A. I need four.”

That didn’t answer his question, but Seungkwan did as you asked. Before he could see what was in the box, you stopped him, hand extended for the batteries.

“Go back to studying,” you ordered. “I’ll get you when everything’s ready.”

He didn’t move. He just furrowed his brow in confusion, wanting to question you further, only for you to huff in aggravation.

“Just trust me. Tonight’s... special.”

Seungkwan did as you said, including moving his chair to where his back was to you entirely. He could hear you moving around the apartment behind him, eventually answering the door again to get takeout (and immediately his stomach rumbled when he caught the scent of fried chicken from his favorite place). He almost asked if he was forgetting something important, but you just held up a hand.

“I’m almost done,” you told him with this cute smile on your face that was enough to make him agree to wait. “Okay? I’m almost done.”

It was cute how excited you were. It almost worried him, to be honest... It wasn’t his birthday. It wasn’t yours. Was he forgetting something big? Sure, it had almost been twenty years since the two of you became friends, but that friend-iversary wasn’t for another few weeks. The two of you already had plans for it, too: you were going to go to an amusement park and just pretend you didn’t have a thousand other things going on for a day.

When you finally came back to him, you had carefully pushed his assignment into the page he was reading before shutting his book for him. He couldn’t say no to you when he saw how happy you were. It was fine, too: technically he was a little ahead in his classes. He just wanted to give himself the best chances to succeed.

“Close your eyes.”

And he did, letting you slowly guide him from his chair. He couldn’t fight the smile on his face as your hands took his. With each slow step, he couldn’t help but wonder what you had in mind. At one point, you stopped, gently stepping around him to push him down onto his knees and then back--instructing him to just sit there for a moment.

“I just need a minute... So keep your eyes closed, okay? It’s a surprise.”

He listened, knees hugged to his chest right now as he listened to you move around the apartment. Something soft--one of those blankets, probably--gently thwacked him in the face at one point before it was immediately pulled away (and he almost giggled at the sound of your quiet swearing under your breath). He could hear the click of something plastic opening, and then the sound of you fumbling with those batteries, more plastic buttons being pressed...

“Okay. You can open your eyes now.”

He did, and the room was illuminated in stars. There was dinner on the table--his favorite dakgangjeong, an order for you, and various sides spread out--and the two of you were now sitting underneath a blanket fort that you must have fixed after you sat him down. You slid a little closer to him, taking his hands in your own.

“What are you--”

“Seungkwan,” you said firmly. “It’s been almost two decades since we became friends... but I remember we did this back when we were eight. And--I dunno. I guess I got sentimental. I know you’ve been stressed lately, too, and... I dunno, I just... It’s stupid, but I wanted to relive the first time I slept over at your house. And then I saw this thing,” you nodded toward the projector, “when I was browsing through random shit online, and then I got this stupid idea, and I thought it might just be a sign to go through with it...”

Seungkwan had never wanted to kiss you more than he did at that moment. Instead, he just choked up, tears brimming because of... all of it. All that was missing was the silly little drawing of the two of you and your families and your weird cat-dog-thing. But the dinner, the stars, the blanket fort...

“I love you.”

The words were out before he could even process it, and he realized what he just said. He grew more embarrassed, about to take them back. To say that he didn’t mean it like that, to try and save your friendship before he could destroy it with feelings that he thought were only one sided.

But he didn’t. He could see the way you looked at him. The way your eyes flickered down to his lips for a moment. Like magnetism, you drifted forward, about to kiss him when your forehead bumped against his again.

And he laughed. “Here,” he said. “Stay still.”

Seungkwan gently held your face so that he could angle his own, kissing you gently.

Seungkwan, at twenty-four, knew that he loved you. With every single beat of his heart, he loved you. You kissed him back, and he finally saw that you, at some point along the way, fell for him, too. The two of you weren’t two four year olds on the way home from school, where you took care of him and made sure he was okay. You weren’t eight year olds under a blanket fort, dreaming of living under the same roof with everyone you held dear to you, or fifteen year olds having their first kiss together because they were both too scared to have it with someone else because of the silly notion that they should know how to kiss before they did it. He was twenty four, and after a lifetime of questioning it, he thought he finally understood what love was.

You pulled away after a moment, eyes twinkling. He preferred the stars in them to the stars from that silly lamp. “I love you, too.”

And then you kissed him again, and everything felt right.

Love, he had learned, was a lot of things. The act of being happy with another person, of seeing their joy and treasuring it close to your heart. Of wanting them to be happy no matter what. To enjoy being around a person, and to yearn for their presence when they were gone for too long. Love was a feeling.

The act of accepting differences for what they are, of fighting but coming together because you cared about each other more. To put aside oneself in order to let someone find their happiness elsewhere. To surprise the other with something that might seem silly to other people, but meant the world to you. Love was an action, too.

But love? Love, he decided at that moment, is you.

And it was him, too.

taglist: @twancingyunhao @wonuziex​ @synthetickitsune​

[prettygirl-gabi]

All that mattered

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Rating:General Audiences

Warning: Fluff, slight (very light) angst, happy ending

Category:F/M¹³

Fandom:Seventeen (SVT) (boyband)

Relationships: !idol S.coups x f reader, !idol Jeonghan x f reader, !idol Joshua x f reader, !idol Jun x f reader,!idol Hoshi x f reader, !idol wonwoo x f reader, !idol woozi x f reader, !idol dk x f reader, !idol The8 x f reader, !idol Mingyu x f reader, !idol Seungkwan x f reader, !idol Vernon x f reader, !idol Dino x f reader.

Summary: What did you expect when you're dating all 13 members of Seventeen

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Hiiiii everyone who is reading! Welcome to the bouns installment of my new mini series called "Oi! Not this again!" They do not have to be read together or in order! I hope you all enjoy!

I'm thinking about making a version where Jeonghan goes of for military, let me know if you all would like it...

It all started as a dream I didn’t dare to believe could come true. Being with one member of Seventeen seemed unimaginable, but somehow, I had all thirteen of them. It was chaotic, beautiful, terrifying, and the most loving experience of my life.

I never meant for things to get so complicated. I hadn’t planned on falling in love with all of them. But how could I not? Each member held a special place in my heart, different and unique in their own ways. S.Coups’ protective nature, Jeonghan’s mischief, Joshua’s soft-spoken wisdom, Jun’s gentle warmth, Hoshi’s endless energy, Wonwoo’s quiet intensity, Woozi’s artistic soul, DK’s contagious laughter, Mingyu’s clumsy affection, The8’s calm confidence, Seungkwan’s fiery heart, Vernon’s understated coolness, and Dino’s earnestness. I loved them all, and, miraculously, they loved me too.

But love like this is not simple. We were walking a tightrope every day, trying to balance our love with the expectations of the world, with the fear of losing each other, and with the constant worry that this wasn’t sustainable. Polygamous relationships aren’t exactly accepted or understood, and this one—being in love with a whole group of idols—was something entirely different.

I often found myself suffocated by doubt. Was I giving enough to each of them? Was this fair to them, to me? Sometimes, in the quiet hours of the night, when we weren’t together, the anxiety would grip me, leaving me breathless and terrified that this would all come crashing down.

And then there were the fights. When you have fourteen people in a relationship, conflict is inevitable. It wasn’t always big—sometimes it was about time management or someone feeling left out. Other times, the fights cut deeper, about fears we didn’t voice, insecurities we tried to bury. And at the heart of it all was the constant question we never dared to fully ask: *Could this last?*

One night, it all came to a head. I had spent the day with Mingyu, and as usual, he had showered me with affection, his clumsy hands always trying to be gentle. We had laughed together, cooked together, and by the end of the day, I was exhausted in the best way. But when I returned to the shared apartment, the tension in the air was thick.

I barely stepped through the door before Jeonghan’s voice cut through the silence.

“Must be nice,” he said, his tone laced with bitterness. “Spending the whole day with just one of us.”

My heart dropped. “Jeonghan—”

“No, it’s fine,” he interrupted, standing up from the couch. “We all agreed to this, didn’t we? So it’s fine if some of us feel left behind.”

“Hyung, don’t do this,” Hoshi said, trying to defuse the situation. But the hurt in Jeonghan’s eyes was clear.

“I’m just tired,” Jeonghan muttered, running a hand through his hair. “We’re all giving so much, and sometimes it feels like it’s never enough.”

Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried to find the words. “I’m sorry. I’m trying—I’m really trying.”

“You shouldn’t have to try so hard,” Woozi said softly from his spot on the floor, strumming a guitar absently. “None of us should feel like this.”

The silence that followed was deafening. The guilt gnawed at me, twisting in my stomach like a knot I couldn’t untangle. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Suddenly, S.Coups stood up, his voice calm but commanding. “Enough. This isn’t helping.” He turned to me, his eyes softening. “No one is blaming you. We knew this would be hard.”

“I can’t help but feel like I’m failing all of you,” I whispered, my voice shaking. “I love you all so much, but I don’t know how to make this work.”

Mingyu, who had been quiet since we arrived, reached for my hand. “You’re not failing, jagiya. We’re all learning.”

“But what if—” I couldn’t even finish the thought. What if I wasn’t enough for them? What if this wasn’t enough?

DK, always the one to break the tension, stood up with a shaky smile. “Let’s not do this tonight. We all love each other, right? That’s why we’re here. So let’s talk about this when we’re not all feeling so raw.”

Joshua nodded, his calm voice soothing. “He’s right. We’re all a little tired. Let’s take a step back and talk tomorrow.”

But the fear lingered, heavy in the room like an unwelcome guest.

---

The next day, we sat down together. It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t quick, but we talked. Really talked. About the things we were scared to say before, the jealousy, the insecurity, the worry that someone was giving more or less. It hurt—God, it hurt—but it was necessary.

Jeonghan apologized for lashing out. “It’s not just you. I’ve been feeling… scared, I guess. That this won’t last.”

“I’ve felt the same,” The8 admitted quietly. “I think we all have.”

S.Coups squeezed my hand. “But that doesn’t mean we don’t want to keep trying.”

In that moment, something shifted. The love was still there, strong and unwavering, but so was the understanding that this wasn’t going to be easy. It never had been. But love is messy. It’s imperfect, and that’s what makes it real.

“I don’t know how to promise forever,” I said, my voice small. “But I can promise that I’ll try. Every day.”

“You don’t have to do it alone,” Vernon said, his eyes locking with mine. “We’re in this together.”

One by one, they all agreed. It wasn’t a solution, not exactly, but it was a step forward.

---

Over the following months, we found a new rhythm. It wasn’t perfect, but it was ours. We learned to communicate better, to listen when someone was feeling left out or overwhelmed. We learned to share our love, not just with each other, but with ourselves.

There were still moments of doubt, of course. That never fully went away. But now, we faced those moments together.

One night, after a long day, I found myself in the middle of the bed, surrounded by all thirteen of them. We didn’t say anything—words weren’t necessary. The warmth of their bodies, the steady rhythm of their breathing, the feeling of belonging—it was enough.

“I love you,” I whispered into the quiet, the words heavy with truth.

“I love you too,” came the chorus of replies, each voice layered with the same deep affection.

In that moment, I knew that no matter how difficult it might be, this was worth it. They were worth it. We were worth it.

And that was all that mattered.

■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■

‐Thank You For Reading!🩵🩶

-prettygirl-Gabi✨️🎀

[httqvi]

SYLUS. ꒰ masterlist. ꒱

CATEGORIES: sfw & nsfw oneshots, drabbles, imagines, headcannons, smaus

LABELLING: ‹3 a favorite, 𖥻 shed tears

[ SFW — ONESHOTS ]

jealousy incarnate by chuluoyi

— 3.8k words. 18+ suggestive content, minors do not interact, jealousy, crack, fluff, smut, a dash of comfort, assassin!reader (not l&ds mc).

pretty bird by snowballseal

— 2.1k words. sylus is jealous of you giving mephisto attention. that's it. you tease him when you find out.

little dino ‹3 by starmocha

— 2.5k words. sylus + daughter. sylus has a little dinosaur problem.

[ NSFW — ONESHOTS ]

highest bidder by ramonathinks

— 5.3k words. 18+ virginity loss, soft sex, small plot but not really, pet names, slight? knife play, oral, she/her pronouns, choking, finger sucking, praise, dumbification, degradation, slight fingering, corruption kink( if you squint), female guided masturbation (? kinda? idk!), squirting, attempt at aftercare, the twins have a cameo.

the sin and the sinner. (part 1) ‹3 by saintobio

— 8.2k words. sylus x villain!reader, angst, smut, boss/assistant, 18+, reader works for onychinus, reader is not l&ds!mc, set in the N109 zone, unrequited love, profanity, petnames (kitten, baby doll, darling, sweetie), unprotected sex, throatfucking (m!receiving), cunnilingus (f!receiving), cum-eating, slight dom/sub play, spitting, hair-pulling, spanking, biting, choking, overstimulation, bondage, blindfolding, lots of jealousy, possessiveness, yandere themes, stalking, blood, violence, usage of guns, allusions to prostitution, killings, death, *coughs* that one harley+joker scene.

𖥻 the conquered and the conquerer. (part 2) ‹3 by saintobio

— 10.4k words. sylus x villain!reader, angst, smut, boss/assistant, 18+, villain!reader, reader previously works for onychinus, reader is not l&ds!mc, sylus is a little ooc, main story spoilers, melodic weave spoilers, lots of timeskip, fast-paced, lore heavy, unrequited love, profanity, petnames (kitten, sweetie), explicit smut, cunnilingus (f!receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, espionage, reader smoking, reckless driving, violence, spitting, choking, jealousy, usage of guns, suicide (or attempts thereof), death, and a twist in the end i can’t reveal.

𖥻 the loved and the lost. (part 3) ‹3 by saintobio

— 9.5k words. sylus x villain!reader, angst, smut, boss/assistant, 18+, sylus's pov, reader is not l&ds!mc, sylus might be ooc, main story spoilers, razor's dance spoilers, nightplumes spoilers, lots of timeskip, fast-paced, unrequited love, profanity, petnames (kitten, sweetie), espionage, jealousy, brief smut, mentions of pregnancy/impregnation kink, mentions of accidents, suicide attempt, injuries, blood, usage of guns, usage of knife, killings, death, my own theories incorporated into the lore, sylus groveling bcos yall want him to.

a practical demonstration by janumun

— 9.8k words. sylus x f!reader, size difference, oral and vaginal sex, vaginal fingering, rough sex, mild mentions of stalking (not sylus or mephisto for once lol), inexperienced (not virgin) reader, edging, drinking, [im]proper use of evol, explicit sexual content.

red tape by sugartheplum

— 8.8k words. mma fighter!sylus x manager!reader, nsfw (18+) - mdni!!, modern au, smut, vaginal fingering, kissing, dirty talk, oral sex - m! and f!receiving, praise kink, p in v, masturbation, size difference, size kink, mild choking.

[ IMAGINES & DRABBLES ]

— 08/02/24; 11:33pm by jinwoosungs (nsfw)

— cockwarming you by takeaslicex (nsfw)

— fluffy pjs by mrs-kurooo (sfw, fluff)

— sleepy affection by snowballseal (sfw, fluff)

— bane of existence by chuluoyi (sfw, suggestive)

— more than luxury by connorsui (sfw, fluff)

— stargazing in your eyes by connorsui (sfw, fluff)

— emotional support by sushiyuzu (sfw, fluff)

[ HEADCANNONS ]

— how clingy sylus copes with your absence by matsunolvr (sfw, fluff)

— ex-husband!sylus ‹3 by plutotheplum (nsfw)

[ SMAUS ]

© httqvi, 2024.

[jwirecs]

RECOMMENDED SEVENTEEN FICS OF JULY 2023💖

hello, hello! here are my recs for seventeen for july! hopefully these beautiful stories get more recognition as well as the writers 💝

** anything in parentheses and bolded are my thoughts that can be disregarded if needed **

🔞smut || 💔angst || 💕fluff || ✅completed || 🔄ongoing || 💯favorite

Admire Me (Like I Do For You) || @wheeboo💕✅

↳ in which seungcheol shows you his tattoos. 

Dimple || @icyminghao💕✅

↳ you can’t sleep, so you try touching seungcheol’s dimple just for the fun of it (spoiler: he loves it)

Shave || @yikesmary💕✅💯

↳ with your boyfriend’s comeback approaching, mingyu asks you to help with shaving.

The Stars And You || @wheeboo💕✅

↳ in which you bring the stars to your boyfriend for his birthday. (to this author, i am so sorry, but 90% of the fics that i have read from you so far, most of them are on this list. keep doing what youre doing please. i love them)

Try Me || @cheolhub🔞✅

↳ you push your sweet boyfriend a little too far when you threaten to fuck his business partner at dinner. he decides to show both you and mingyu who you belong to. (oh lord, heaven have mercy.)

Ukiyo || @wheeboo💕💔✅

↳ in which you and minghao spend the day together.

Wonwoo's Tasty Cereal (And Milk) || @twogyuu💕✅

↳ You've been eating cereal wrong your entire life. Wonwoo and your niece are going to fix that.

Fake Dating Roommates || @yikesmary💕🔄💯💯

↳ in which choi seungcheol becomes your roommate and fake boyfriend in one fell swoop. and you still don't know how it happened.

Seventeen As Fake Dating Scenarios || @bluehoodiewoozi💕✅

↳ (title says it all and i am out here fulfilling my delulu side of my brain. doing great out here im telling you)

Baby, All I Really Want Is Your Attention || @viastro💕✅

↳ you and mingyu have been academic rivals since the beginning of your high school career. having always aimed for the #1 spot, mingyu would beat you without even needing to study. now dedicating all your time into studying at the local library, you find yourself wondering who keeps neatly packing your things and waking you up each time you fall asleep while studying. (hes so soft, i cant)

Catnaps || @wheeboo💕✅

↳ in which you volunteer at the local cat shelter with your crush.

Dating Seventeen (Hyung Line) || @wqnwoos💕✅

↳ (out here filling my delulu brain. also seungcheol does radiate sugar daddy tho, ngl)

Fix You || @smileysuh🔞💕💔✅💯💯

↳ “As a member of 53V3NT33N, I have two different states of mind coded into me, aggression and admiration. To love something, to admire it, is to feel aggressive when it’s questioned, to want to control it, if even for a little while- it’s the need to consume it, endlessly, as my fans consume and control me as an automaton. Even though I’m a member of a group, there’s a distance. Automatons can never truly motivate each other because our motivations are based on external human needs, it’s built into us- We can see when humans need us, and we do what we can to fix that need… I know you need me, the way I’ve needed you since I got here.” (god, yall dont even know how much i freaking love their fics. like bro, ily)

Gamers Do it Better || @sluttyminghao🔞✅💯

↳ (listen, just hear me out. tag teamed by the two lord saviors of svt's hhu. i really need like a threesome au/tag or something i swear.)

Hits Different || @hellohannie💕💔✅

↳ it was no secret that you had dated many people in your past. when you were with them, you believed you loved them and they loved you. when you broke up, you realized that they didn't truly love you. but you still believed that love was real. then, you met lee chan. when he broke up with you, you started to question if love truly did exist after all. (i need me some more dino fics cause i barely come across any)

Loving Him Was Red || @boowanie💕💔✅💯

↳ After the café you were part-timing at suddenly closes, you were left unemployed and broke as you tried your best to look for a new job. But when your best friend suggests an alternative way of earning money, you suddenly find yourself falling for a certain Jeon Wonwoo.

Pup Code || @beefboyandbabygirl🔞💕✅💯💯💯

↳ mingyu doesn't have crushes. he likes avril lavigne and sometimes he fucks pretty girls. but you seem to stir something in him that no one else can. without the trusty girl code, mingyu makes his own code to help you fall in love with him. (yall need to read this one. like read it cause i lowkey can imagine him making up his own code ngl. man has no self control sometimes)

Crossing Boundaries || @wonusite🔞💕✅

↳ Seungcheol has always demanded that all of his employees keep professional boundaries, but it frustrates him that his son’s nanny is a little too good at keeping things professional. 

Happy (First) Fathers' Day || @icyminghao💕✅

↳ it’s fathers’ day, but you seem to be more fixated on an event for your newborn daughter, much to mingyu’s dismay.

Made With Love || @icyminghao💕✅

↳ joshua wakes up to quite the commotion, and you’re not by his side.

The Cake In the Back || @toruro🔞💕✅

↳ cheol is a regular at your bakery, and it's all because his son loves the banana bread you make—at least that's what he tells himself. it also doesn't hurt that you're cute. and polite. and totally someone he'd like to fuck.

Roommates With Benefits || @shuaflix🔞💕✅

↳ initially, wonwoo doesn’t think much about your incessant requests to play on his xbox. however, when what was supposed to be a two-hour visit to his place stretches out for two weeks, he starts to think you’re overstaying your welcome.

The Secrets Kept From Roommates || @cheolism🔞💕✅

↳ you are hiding a secret from mingyu. little do you know that he's hiding one from you too.

Broken Pieces || @bluehoodiewoozi💕💔✅💯💯💯

↳ Your friend broke your soulmate's heart, leaving you to pick up the pieces of both his and your own heart. (stop my heart, i cant)

Right? Right. || @bluehoodiewoozi💕💔✅

↳ Your soulmate mark might be broken, but at least he will always be there for you.

Do check out all of the other seventeen fics that i have reblogged as well!!

** if there is any fics that you guys would like to recommend, please do! i am slowly running out of fics to read **

[hoeforhao]

Most Ardently // Wonwoo Fic //

✧. pairing: professor!wonwoo × student fem!reader (featuring mingyu and dino)

✧. genre: fluff, mild angst? very short smut(as i wanted to keep this as a pure emotional fic) minors dni, lots of pining and comfort at the end.

✧. warnings: nothing heavy, just a very slow burning romance based around my favorite novel, slight mentions of a yandere ex boyfriend,use of swear words, joking use of the word k!ll.

✧. synopsis: what happens when your one night stand becomes your new literature professor, taking both of you down a blissful lane of old school love.

✧. word count: 3.2k (approx)

✧.banner credits: to the sweetest @classicscreations

✧. author's note: as wonwoo fluff+smut won in the 50 followers poll, here it is finally. although it became more of an angsty fluff(i absolutely suck at writing puppy romance). hope y'all will enjoy it and if this gets some love, i'll bring out its prequel. last but not the least, if you enjoyed my writing then...

Likes, comments and reblogs will be heartily appreciated ♡

and on page 157 she fell in love...

"Love"~ a word meaningful only between the withered folds of literature, luring one into the Georgian haze.Realistically tho, finding a love that will entwine both soul and mind, seep through your cracks and reconcile the cores, is as strange as a diffident person like you getting raveled into a one night stand.

Quite literally clawing out your scalp, ensuring the inevitable headache later on, you kept on asking yourself, what made you so wild to sleep with a random ass stranger, that too on the night before fall semester started??!!!! The guilt clouded your mind so much so that the trance had to be broken by mingyu's hard slap on your shoulder.

"Are you dead or what idiot? The new professor's been here for over a minute now and called out your name almost seventeen times" the tall idiot sitting beside you, nearly howled into your ears.

Before the count could hit eighteen, you quickly pried up from your seat, taking a glance at the man standing in the teacher's place.

Why does his face look so familiar? That same hairstyle with heart shaped strands sticking to the forehead, those harry pottery glasses overshadowing the cat eyes, his exact little stubby nose and most importantly the bewitching plump dahlia lips.

No way it's who I think it is!!! It's definitely the hangover towering. How can he be -

"Ms y/n?"a soft hushed voice called out, pulling your train of thoughts to a sudden halt,"Mr Bennett handed over your thesis to me before he left." Only a single nod left your body as you took over the file and made your way back to the place beside the giant sized puppy,body completely washed off by an unknown tingling sensation.

"Morning students!! I'm your new literature professor from now,Jeon Wonwoo. Mr Bennett's knowledge and aura are indeed irreplaceable but still I'll try my best to bring out the beauty of literature to you guys." the man spoke, eyes a bit tensed up yet briming with a certain sort of joy.

Throughout the entire lesson, your beads were fixated onto your teacher ; as a person who would never let their focus sway, specially in literature classes, you now didn't even know what chapter the class was going through.

"Looks like someone is enchanted huh" your annoying ass bestfriend pushes you a little from the back as the entire class gets ready to head out for lunch.

"Y/n?" you hear the same raspy voice seek out your name. "Go go! Your prince is calling you!!" mingyu teases you again with a mocking smile on his face.

"Utter a single word after this, and I'll make sure you walk reverse footed the entire week" you stomp on his feet before turning around to listen to what your teacher had to ask.

"Yes sir?" you coo out softly, trying to make your racing heart less obvious.

"Meet me at my office after lunch. We need to discuss on your thesis."

"But I already submitted it to Mr Bennett once,then why again?"

"He ran short of time,while packing things up and couldn't scrutinize the papers properly, so now I'm in charge." jeon said as politely as possible.

"Okay sir. I'll be there in an hour"

"You can call me wonwoo" a light smile painted the older's face as he made your cheeks flush bright red with the comment.

Swirling around on your heels, you swiftly made your way out the room, not wanting to flash him with your blushing profile.

Stomping your feet in impatience and somewhat a little bit of anxiety, you wait for your beanstalk of a best friend to choose his drink from the vending machine.

"You're not choosing a wife Kim Mingyu. Hurry the fuxk up pls"

"Getting that worked up for a four eyed nerd! What a loser!!" mingyu spat out, while he bended down to collect his can.

"Says the one who has been bitchless since the cracking dawn of civilization. Oh wait you need to have human traits to get a partner, not that of chimpanzees" you spank his butt from absolute annoyance.

With a loud 'ouch' and his characteristic puppy eyes, mingyu rises up from his position and hurriedly drops you off at wonwoo's office door, otherwise who knows what more parts of him you'll break.

Cold sweats dripping down your face, you stand still at his door, an unfamiliar feeling shivering down your spine as you slowly bring up your hands to knock on the knob.

"M-may I come in sir?" why is it that you're shaking so much, is strange to you too. You haven't ever felt like this,not even when you met your bitchass ex for the first time.

"What are you doing to me jeon wonwoo" you whisper under your breath before stepping into the gloomy wooden space,following the green light from him.

Sitting yourself comfortably on the swiveling chair infront of his desk, you wait for wonwoo to speak up, legs shaking uncontrollably beneath the stilted plank.

"Welcome y/n. As far as I'm knowledged, your thesis is on Georgian Era pieces, and you've chosen Pride and Prejudice as your muse right?"

You just hmm in response, words refusing to leave your body, as you feel drugged by his honey voice.

"Let's get you started then" his eyes sparkling like fireworks.

Completely engrossed into your work, you almost became unaware of wonwoo's presence in the same room as you, posture quite stable now; oblivious of how quickly that composure is gonna get washed off of your body.

"Si-" picking up your head from the paper, you tried to call out his name as you needed some help with the summary, only to feel a hot breath fanning on your neck, his soft nose brushing againt your skin, as he stretches out his hand to the book infront of you.

"How many times have i told you to call me wonwoo, huh berrybub" the older's voice wooed into your system,his other hand gently tucking in the lose strands behind your ears.

"W-wonwoo can you r-read out this verse to me pls? I can't make out few parts of it" you were yourself astonished at how stable you sounded, completely ignorant of the shiver running down your spine.

"Anything for you y/n" wonwoo spoke out again,his wet lips lightly grazing against your cheeks, as he pulled the book into his hands and took his place back on the chair.

The rest of the session was as quite as a viva room, with him occasionally stealing glances at you, while you kept your eyes fixed onto the table.

An entire week went by like this, where wonwoo would read out the piece to you as you wrote your papers, with a regular comment of "if you keep staring at me like that y/n, then I fear we would be able to submit your work in time" from him. But that one suspicion refused to leave your mind no matter how much you tried.

Strolling down the hallway like a happy puppy, forgetful of all the worries with this newfound feeling of warmth and butterflies, you made your way towards the restroom, when suddenly a hand pulled you back into a dark corner.

"C-chan! What are you doing!" looking up at who this man was, you started feeling heavy in the head almost instantly, chest heaving up and down at the rate of a storm . It was no other than your yandere ex boyfriend, who cheated on you with your cousin sister!!!!

"Missed me princess?" his hands roaming all over your body as he pinned you down to the wall, a dirty feeling gushing over your entire body.

"It's over between us Chan. You knew that I would forgive anything but cheating. And you did the exact same thing. That too with Angie? Pathetic!!!" tears building up in your eyes as you try to sound as confident as possible. "And moreover, I don't think I have feelings for you anymore. Maybe it was never even love"

"Oh such a naive girl you are! You really think i give a shit about your feelings and all?" a devilish grin flashing on his face as Chan brings his lips closer to yours, hands gripping onto your waist tightly.

Your body was starting to give up, tears continously streaming down your face as you kept on praying for him to stop. But this is the 21st century, and God only helps those who help themselves. Coring up all the strength left in your body, you brought up your legs and karate kicked him on his groin.

A painful whimper left Chan's lips as he held onto his throbbing manhood, while you took this chance to run away from his grasp.

Running down the corridors, that now seemed to be endless, with his voice echoing through the walls "I'll not let you go off that easily bitch. Come back here", you tightly shut your eyes closed, desperately waiting for someone to save you from this nightmare.

And looks like the heavens finally listened to your helpless pleas as you felt a pair of bulky arms wrapping around your body like a warm blanket, pulling you into a bleak rim. Both9f your frames sandwiched against each other, hearts beating in unison, as your trembling body was now being warmed with the heat radiating off of you two.

You slowly look up at the man who saved you from that lunatic ex of yours; not like you already didn't recognize him from the strong scent of his cologne. Yes, you were unconsciously so in love with this boy, that you even remembered his smell.

As soon as your eyes met with wonwoo's, the first thing you noticed was some sort of burning rage in him, a fire powerful enough to burn down an entire forest in just a matter of few seconds.

"Wonw-" he didn't even let you finish your sentence before pulling you into the tightest hug, resting his head on the crook of your neck as he mouthed "I'll make sure to destroy anyone who dares to stain this blissful face of yours with teardrops, to lay even a single finger on your body", with an unreadable tone of anger yet sadness.

You hugged him back as tight not knowing what to say, completely taken aback by this sudden comment. Losing consciousness of what just happened with you just few moments back, you two kept on bear hugging each other as if it was the last day the Earth's gonna revolve 'round the sun, with wonwoo being the first to let go.

"I-i am sorry" that's the last thing you heard from him before he left you standing so empty in the dark, mind clouded with a bunch of unanswered questions.

"How can he leave like nothing happened, after what he did that day?" is the only thing that kept eating you out for the next few days, as you kept attending your college, both of you never crossing paths since the incident. Wonwoo didn't even show up to the classes, which surely was of no help to your intense craving. But you were highly stubborn yourself ; if he could ignore those close moments between you both so easily, you could too.

Another strange thing that bugged you was that Chan was never seen in the college campus after that day, ever again. Even his classmates failed to contact him anymore!!!

Throwing away these negative thoughts outta your head, you were strolling down the gallery, all ready to go back home as you suddenly took a halt before wonwoo's office. It was open and left unattended. You don't know what took over you and you entered the same place that gave you so many warm memories. With a silent sigh and sullen face, you carefully inspected the interiors, running your fingers along the places that were stained with his scent.

"Y/n?" the voice your ears have been longing for all these days, disrupted your probe midway. Turning around, your eyes immediately landed onto the figure standing at the door, the one your heart now beats for; at that moment all you wanted was to run to him, pull him into the warmest embrace and never let go.

But your self respect and self doubt was chaining you down, as you lifted up your feet slowly to leave the room, head hanging down low. "Sorry won- I mean sir. Sorry for intervening into your space. I'll be taking my leave"

"Don't! pls!" a muffled voice echoed around the room"W-we need to finish your project. I don't want you to fail because of me."

"It's okay sir. I can do it by myself. Thanks for all you've done for me till now" you blurt out quite sternly, with a hint of underlying taunt.

"P-pls" a sudden change of tone was evident in wonwoo's voice, as if he was on the verge of crying, which was enough to melt your composure. I mean who would want to see their loved ones cry because of them right?!

He guided you to your seat as he swiveled his own towards yours and sat right in front of you,with just a few inches gap between the two.

With a drooped down head, wonwoo pulled out the book from his drawer and took out a kitten shaped bookmark from the last done page. You lightly chuckled at the older's choice of stationary, while bringing out your thesis file.

"Let's start. Only some part is left" eyes still not daring to look at you , he started reading out the last few chapters of the piece, while keeping his gaze fixed between the folds.

Turning the pages to the one marked 157, wonwoo's voice came to a stall, slowly picking up his head from the book,his feline beads finally landed onto yours, hazed by a soft yet painful daze. Wonwoo soon started to read out again, but this time instead of looking at the book, he was looking at you, with a mixed expression of agony blended with intense pining.

"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

Even though your mind wanted to go by the reason that it was just a line from the novel, your heart exactly knew what he meant. You wanted to let him know how much you loved him too, how much your soul craved for his, how long you've waited for this one moment....but you couldn't! A strange feeling of unjust kept you from running to his arms at that instant; so instead you got up from your chair and twirled around to leave the room as quickly as possible.

"Pls y/n pls don't leave me. Again!" two pair of arms wrapped around your waist tightly, immediately stopping you on your track. "You don't know how happy I was when I got to see you again that morning. I couldn't sleep for nights as i kept on squealing thinking about your smile lit face.You came into my life as the brightest ray when I lost all hope. Pls don't push me into the dark again."

Your heart clenched at the sound of soft sobs coming from your back, as you swiftly turned on your heels, only to be a met with a teary eyed wonwoo.

"I-it was you that night wonwoo?"drops now threatening to slide down your eyes. "They say the heart knows it all. No wonder why it always kept telling me that it was you" you said while wiping off the tears of his pale face.

"I've wanted to have you by my side since the moment you held my hand and pulled me into that hotel" closing the gap between you two as he softly placed his lips on yours ; pulling both being into a soft yet passionate kiss as you reverted back to him with equal thirst.

Grip never leaving your waist, he finally lets go of your lips, as you two gasped for some air, face all stained with fresh hot tears. Not long after, he attacks your face again, but this time painting it with affectionate sloppy kisses all over, as if a lost kitten found their home after days. He couldn't get enough of your body, as his wet lips gradually started going down your jaw and landing onto your shoulder, imprinting his teeth onto them.

Wonwoo gave a small tap on your legs and getting his intentions straight away, you quickly wrapped your legs around his torso, as he carried you towards the couch, unbuttoning your shirt in the mean time.

After he placed you onto the couch gently, sliding a cushion under your head, he carefully positioned himself on top of you.

"Can I?" soon afterward you gave him an assuring nod, wonwoo dived into your body, ripping off the white satin shirt of you, as he started placing wet sloppy kisses onto your chest. Fingers roaming around your clothed nipple, he swiftly freed your breasts off your bra and devoured them into his mouth ; earning soft alluring moans from you that were ringing like music to his ears.

Following a good thirty minutes of ravishing and worshiping your body, wonwoo finally plopped down on the couch, embracing you from behind as he pulled the covers over your bodies [do not ask me how a couch had covers pls]

"If you want you can leave me later, but please let's stay like this for some time" a whimper left his lips as he tightened the grasp around your belly.

Turning around to face him, you cupped his face onto your hands, rubbing your fingers onto his squishy cheeks as you softly assured, "Woo, I was smitten by you the exact day you came into our class. Maybe I couldn't properly recognize your face because of the alcohol, but my heart started longing for you since then. You have no idea on how hard I've tried not to fall, but look at me, I'm now head over heels for you. So don't even think about me leaving you, you dumbo. Neither are you allowed to leave, understood Mr!!" you flooff up your nostrils trying to imitate an angry puppy, earning the biggest flash of sunshine smile from bigger flooff beside you.

my darling,

you would never be unloved by me

you're too well tangled in my soul

finishing off your night with such a beautiful verse, you both drift off to deep slumber, entangled into each other's spirits.

[addicsvt]

Wait

Synopsis: In which dino tells you to wait but you can't anymore so you spill everything out in a very messy drunk confession. tags: fluff and a bit of angst? pairings: lee chan x reader A/N: im writing this a day before but by the time i release this fic it would prob be around 2pm my timezone? well anyways dont forget abt lee chan's solo!!!! make sure to go stream at 6pm kst!!

In Chan's defense, he never knew how bad of a drinker you were. He should've known better than to accept your eager invitation to drink at a bar for your 21th birthday. But we all could regret decisions later. So now here he was, in your apartment, somehow, with your head rested on his lap.

It should've been a miracle on how he even made it here with your stumbling figure threatening to fall at any time, while he grabbed your hand to sling it across his body. A horrible idea indeed.

"you good?' He asked as you both made it to his apartment as he helped you take off your shoes.

"mmh.. want more." You replied and poor chan was trying to figure out what you wanted, since he was usually the one always getting taken care of when he was drunk.

"want more what? y/n?" He asked before placing you on the couch.

"want you.." You muttered barely being able to open your eyes.

"w-what?" He asked taking a seat beside you as he moved your head from the couch to his lap.

"want you chan.." you said as tears started falling out of your eyes. Great, an emotional drunk.

"hey hey, dont cry, i'm here." He said using his thumb to gently swipe off the tears on your face trying his best to comfort you.

"dont wanna wait, wanna have you" you muttered out sobbing as dino tried to hush you like you were precious.

"channie, remember the time you asked me what i wanted for my birthday? I think i know now." You said trying to choke back tears.

"and what is it dear?" He replied unconsciously blurting out the petname.

"you chan. all I want is you. I can't wait, I need you." You said sobbing as he comforted you, stroking your hair as he placed a soft kiss to your cheek.

"you already have me baby." He whispered into your ears leaning down to press a kiss to your lips.

"want you forever and ever.." You muttered before finally drifting off.

"ill always be yours." He said smiling as he saw your sleeping form rested on his lap. He quickly set you down gently as you grumbled feeling the hard couch instead of chan's lap.

"its okay baby, im getting you a blanket." He said gently as he went to his room grabbing his blanket and placing it on top of you as he snuck back onto his original position.

"sweet dreams.." he said before falling asleep himself. Yep, he was definitely going to save the awkward conversation for tomorrow.

[chimcess]

Dino-Mite || knj

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader (ft. Taehyung x Reader) Other tags: Archeologist!Namjoon, Paleontologist!Reader, Ph.D!Student!Reader, Ph.D. student!Namjoon, Pet Store Cashier!Reader Genre: College!AU, Ivy League!AU, Neighbors!AU, Strangers to lovers!AU, Idiots to lovers (i2l), Fuckboy!AU, Age Gap!AU, fluff, angst, awkward love story, Smut Word Count: 34.7k+ Synopsis: With the end of her college career coming to an end, Y/N is about to make her way into the adult world outside of Harvard. That’s when she finds an unlikely friendship with her sex-crazed neighbor, Namjoon, who shows her how unexpected life can be. Warnings: They’re so cute, too much dinosaur talk, slow start, Older Reader, alcohol consumption (not reader), Mentions of bad sexual experiences (not reader and Joon), talks about unsupportive parents, talks about character death (not in story), Anxiety, Reader is horny, too shy to say it, Sweet Namjoon, very supportive relationship, past bad relationships, inexperienced reader, fuck boy Joon (kinda), Tae is a creep (sorry), daddy kink, soft dom!Joon, spanking (like twice), fingering, penetration, protected sex (wrap it up), degradation, I have never written smut before (I’m trying my best lol), pretty vanilla all things considered, let me know if I missed anything A/N: This is a lot of fun for me and a nice change of pace from my usual projects. I really love this couple, and I hope you enjoying reading <3

Listen to the Playlist || Cross posted on ao3: here

I sighed and looked back into the magnifying glass. It had been damaged, the ivory tusk lightly chiseled away, but my elation was not dimmed. Even with the cracks and chips, the massive bone was in my hands. I had weighed and measured it extensively before beginning a thorough investigation of the fossil. It was about 2.6 meters long, and even my bitterness over not having an entire skull to work with was overshadowed by the beauty of the Woolly Mammoth. I quickly noted the damage and the off-white color of the bone. I looked back down. 

I had been in the fossil room for hours now. As one of the TAs, a professor of mine had emailed me to come down and check out the new shipment. Dr. Lupon and I had been together since I had started my freshman year at Harvard. 12 years later, I am now 29 and still stuck at school researching rocks and bones just as I did all those years ago. And while we could gush about rocks together any day of the week, she knew that I had been waiting for the new fossils to come in. I loved bones even more than rocks. 

My eyes began to burn, and I quickly gave them a rub before returning to my assignment. I was almost finished. I glanced at my wristwatch and groaned. It was nearing 3 in the morning, and I had a lecture in less than 5 hours. It was time to call it quits for the night. I made quick work of putting the tusk back in its proper place, taking great care with it, and cleaning up my workstation. It was 4 when I finally got out of the lab. 

Massachusetts was beautiful in the winter. I loved the snow and the way the wind nipped the tip of my nose. It was a nice change from the hot, dry climates I faced in the summer. Expeditions with Dr. Montgomery were as fun as they were horrendous. I took a huge breath of air and sighed out in relief. No sand in my nose. No mosquitoes. No sunburns. Just a winter wonderland spread across the campus.  

The walk back to my apartment was short. I only lived two blocks away from campus. As expensive as it was, I enjoyed living out of the dorms. I had stayed in them until I had finished with my undergrad and had not moved from my small, one-bedroom flat since. I was a creature of habit. My whimsical side was “strictly reserved for dead things,” as Kendall put it. While it was true, there was one thing that made me just as excited as rocks did.  

I wonder if Taehyung had stopped by tonight. 

I knew he lived in my building, and even if he hardly knew my name, I could pick him out in a crowd. My friends had been insistent I ask him out after two years of pining over him. He often came into Adrian’s, the pet store I worked at, to purchase food for his turtles. Our conversations always focused on his pets and sales, but his smile could make anyone melt. My little crush was justified as was my hesitation. 

Jungkook was just getting home as well. His school sweats and frizzy hair gave away his whereabouts. Even if he did not think I knew about it, Jungkook had been hooking up with a girl I worked with for weeks. A deep, purple mark on his neck was going to be impossible to explain away, but I decided against commenting on it. It was too late, and we were both tired. Kendall would see it anyway.

“Hey, Jeon,” I greeted with a yawn. 

“Sup.” He replied, opening his door before disappearing. 

I was not offended. I did it to him all the time. I threw my keys onto my coffee table before stumbling out of my boots. I was not showering tonight. I began stripping on my way to my room, throwing my clothes on top of other garments from this week, and flopping onto my bed. I was exhausted but my mind was alight. I could not believe that I was the first person to see the mammoth tusk in its glory. My phone chimed next to my head. 

Jungkook: My bad 

Y/N: All good 

Jungkook: Night 

Y/N: Night 

I could faintly hear music coming from my other neighbor’s room. At least it was not the usual. He was nice enough, the week I moved in he had left a small box of cookies in front of my door. However, the good feelings towards him diminished just as quickly. He was a nympho. Almost every night of the week he would have someone on the other side of my wall screaming. Sometimes it was at 9 pm and other times it would wake me up at 4 am and keep me up until my lecture at 7. I closed my eyes and sighed in relief. Tonight would be a quiet night it seemed. 

Then, just as I was on the cusp of sleep, I heard it. A loud, angry bang on the other side. A girl moaned loudly. Huffing, I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, willing for them to stop and watch anime. The sounds got louder. I grabbed my headphones out of my nightstand and quickly put on some music as they connected. I heard another loud bang. 

The music was never loud enough to drown it out, so I lay there, staring at my ceiling, listening to Billy Marten and my neighbor’s headboard slamming into the wall. 

My eyes burned when my alarm went off for the fourth time. I had been considering skipping my morning lecture since the lovebirds next door had been hell all morning. I had not been able to doze off until 6 and an hour later my alarm went off to let me know it was shower time. I kicked my legs childishly before hitting dismiss with too much aggression. Today was going to be awful. 

I forced myself out of bed and into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I glared at my reflection and mentally screamed at her for being such a good student. Never in my entire time at university did I miss a class. Not even my 6 am environmental science course during my freshman year. Giving up on looking decent at all, I haphazardly threw my hair up and rolled my eyes at the strays flying everywhere. God himself could not make me fight with my contact lenses this morning.  

Still, in my sour mood, I stomped around my apartment making a bowl of cereal and grumbling about being out of almond milk. After eating my bowl of too-dry cereal, I slipped on the baggiest gray sweatpants I owned and a Harvard sweatshirt. Jungkook and I were most likely matching. For a law student, he did not give a shit about going to his classes cleaned up like the rest of them. Angry and in the mood to punch a hole through my neighbor’s wall to give him a piece of my mind, I slid into my checkered Vans before locking up. 

Jungkook looked worse than I did. Sweatpants were one thing but to wear plaid striped pajama pants to a law class? Bold move, Jeon. While I was surprised to see him up so early in the morning, I knew he was twice as shocked to see me running late. He raised an eyebrow and eyed me apprehensively. I gave him a lazy wave before starting my descent down the rod iron stairs. 

“You look like shit,” Jungkook said, catching up to me. 

“Aren’t you charming,” I yanked a cap out of my bag and put it on to cover how bad my hair looked. 

“What happened?” 

“Neighbor. Again.” 

He laughed, his nose scrunching up as he did so. Jungkook, like everyone else I knew, was aware of my bad neighbor. We had tried to figure out who it was once, but it always ended up in disaster. The last time was a drunk escapade last year. Instead of sitting in the freezing cold waiting for the man of the hour to show up, I tripped over my own feet walking up the stairs, fell over the railing, and broke my arm. Kendall, my best friend, never let me live it down. 

“Have to hand it to him,” Jungkook giggled. “The guy is drowning in pussy.” 

I shoved him roughly, “You’re so gross. Go away.” 

Jungkook cackled loudly and clutched his stomach. Realizing I was only making myself angrier by sticking around, I walked away. My face was hot, my teeth clenched, and seconds away from crying. Last year, I reminded myself. After this I would be somewhere in the continental U.S., working at the best museums, and as far away from the asshole next door. 

“Aw, come on Y/N,” Jungkook shouted after me. “Don’t be like that.” 

“Whatever!” I yelled over my shoulder. 

Jungkook did not bother to follow me after that. I was a ticking time bomb now, and it was best that everyone stayed clear of me. Finally making it to the bike rack out front, I wasted no time putting in my lock’s combination. Once I sat in my seat I would feel better. Maybe I could stop by the lab after class and have some cool-down time? My hands shook but I managed to unwrap my lock and shoved it into my bike’s cup holder.  

“Morning, Y/N.”  

I shrieked in surprise before whipping my head around to see who was talking to me. The first thing I saw was his chest, his gray tank top sticking to his body with sweat stains soaking through. Taehyung smiled at me, his hair damp from his morning run, and I struggled to breathe at the sight of him. Dear God, why me? Why now?  

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” He said, still catching his breath. 

“Oh,” I exclaimed, “No, no, no.” I waved my hands and nervously laughed. “It’s okay. No harm done. Good morning to you too, Tae.” 

The man’s eyes danced with laughter, and I wanted nothing more than the ground to swallow me whole. It was unfair just how little he noticed me at all. It was even more unfair that he made me feel like I was running a marathon just standing next to him. Flustered, I kicked up my stand and pulled my bike off the rack. 

“I have to get to a lecture, but I’ll see you later,” I said and swung a leg over my seat. 

Jungkook always made fun of me for wearing a helmet when I rode. No one else really did and it looked lame, but I would rather look like an idiot than crack my head open on the concrete if I took a fall. Securing my helmet, I found Taehyung still standing there looking at me. 

“Did you need something?” I asked. 

“Cuff and Link,” He started, “They’ve been having a hard time eating.” 

I nodded. Those were his pet turtles. When I first started working at the pet store, he had come in looking for a low-maintenance pet that would keep him company at home. At the time, he had only been in America for a few months and was having a hard time making friends. Cuff and Link, previously Jim and Pam, were a pair of red-ear sliders that had been stuck at the store for over a year. He ended up taking them both and was in all the time for food, treats, and sometimes just to give updates. 

“I wanted to ask yesterday but you weren’t in when I got there,” He continued. 

“Yeah, we got some new stuff in the museum, and I was cataloging it,” My heart fluttered at the thought of him asking for me. 

“That sounds nice,” He smiled at me. “The other clerk didn’t know what to do about it.” 

“Come by tonight,” I said, glancing at my watch with feign indifference. “My shift starts at 9.” 

He smiled at me, “Thank you. See you later, Y/N.” 

“Bye,” I said and sped off knowing I had successfully ruined my perfect attendance streak. 

I clocked in before securing the khaki apron around my neck. The small mom-and-pop pet store was more expensive than Petco, but its location made up for the small price increase. The owner, Jill, also handcrafted a large majority of the pet outfits and collars, so many of the rich kids I went to school with would prefer to come here. She even did customs for her regulars. I liked the job and had been here since my sophomore year during undergrad. We all knew that I would be leaving the small shop after graduation, and hopefully, the state as well, but never spoke about it. It made Jill sad. 

After my coworker and I said pleasantries and they got me up to date on what needed to be done before closing, he left, and I was alone. I knew Taehyung would come by late. He always did. I was not sure what he did for a living, if he was in school or not, but I was certain I was older than him. My crush was just that- a crush. Nothing to get too hung up on. Even if Taehyung was a daydream, I knew better than to let my mind get away from me.

As I began stocking the shelves, I let my mind wander. It beat getting stuck in the monotonous task of labeling and putting away new pet furniture. I had not dated successfully ever. Most men shied away from me the moment they realized I was a paleontologist. Unless they were in a similar field or mindset, I could understand why it might freak them out. Many of the people I worked with were oddballs. I loved them dearly, but they could be off-putting. Hell, I could be, too. I found that men hated being clueless, many were unable to be in a room with people that made them feel dumb, and I had a bad habit of talking about my work. There are only so many dinosaur facts one can hear before they no longer want to have sex with you. Fragile egos and insecurities only added to that problem. 

So, while I have been on many dates and put myself out there, it still made finding someone difficult. That was why I never went after Taehyung. Sure, I think he is cute but that is the problem. I would only put my foot in my mouth and scare him off. It was much better to allow myself to imagine the possibility of a date rather than ruining it. He could be a piece of garbage and I would have to live with that information, or I could bore him to death and give my friends another reason to mention by name to every straight guy they knew. Thinking about it now, my own fears were justified. I knew next to nothing about the guy. As far as I knew, he was a man who had two pet turtles, had huge muscles, and was a fan of video games. While it was enough to get a vague idea about his likes, it was still not enough to feel like we had enough in common to click. I glanced at the clock. 

9:47 pm.  

I still had another hour at least. He could have a night job… or maybe an exam? He seemed like the type to study. I went to the back and got another large box. Shipments sucked and Cory, one of my coworkers, was normally too busy to get much done during his shift. That meant I was stuck with the grueling process of labeling, scanning, and stocking the entire store. Adrian’s was open 24/7, the only pet store in the city to do so, and I worked until 3 am most days. Except for when I gave morning lectures on Wednesdays and over the weekend. Jill closed early Saturdays and Sundays. She enjoyed spending time with her kids and liked to give us the break. I finished another large box before checking the clock again. 

10:58 pm. 

He could come in at any point now. I stopped trying to keep up with him a while ago. One thing was certain: he never came in before 10:30. Most nights, he dragged himself in around midnight looking like he had just woken from a nap. Some days he would stumble in drunk with a buddy to pick up food at 2 in the morning. If anyone else had come in right before I went home, I would have been angry, but those nights made him more human. His speech was slurred, face flushed, but he was still so perfect. His friend was grumpy and stone-faced but kept him awake long enough to purchase his food and stumble home. Nights like that made it impossible for me to forget about him.

The bell chimed and I quickly stood up. Glancing at the clock, it was half-past 11 and I was happy he was in earlier than I had expected. I began to focus on leveling out my breathing before I saw him. I needed to get together. Taehyung made it hard to breathe and after this morning I was on high alert. No need to embarrass myself even more.  

No amount of controlled breathing could have prepared me for what was waiting by the counter. There he was dressed up, his hair slicked back and styled elegantly with a brown, plaid blazer jacket on. A white turtleneck emphasized his chest and brown slacks hugged his thighs deliciously. This was uncharted territory. I was so used to a casually dressed man with black hair that was wet from the snow that the thought of him looking nice had never entered my mind. Where had he been? Or going? 

It looked like a date. 

“Welcome to Adrian’s,” I called out, my customer service voice on. 

“It’s me,” He replied, scratching the back of his head and smiling. 

Of course, he was on a date. A guy like that had to have countless women at his beck and call. I had heard girls talking about him before. It was always in passing and I had never been able to catch much, but people were interested. I could not even be upset. If I was more confident, I might have asked him out already. I thought about my neighbor and internally cringed at the thought of Taehyung being that guy. No fucking way was he was anything like the man next door. I took a deep breath before walking out onto the main floor. 

“Oh, hey,” I replied, pretending that I had not been admiring him from afar. “Sorry about that, we got a new shipment and I’m always stuck stocking.” 

“No problem,” He flashed one of those close-lipped grins at me, “So, Cuff and Link.” 

I got behind the counter and nodded. Yes, the turtles. He had mentioned they had not been eating and I took some time before my shift to research the subject. There were many problems they could be facing but I needed more information before I gave any advice. I pulled out the large pet book from behind the counter for extra measure. It came in clutch. 

“You said they’re not eating?” I clarified, opening the book and searching for the turtle section. Page 126. Got it. 

“Yeah, it’s been going on for about a week now.” He replied, leaning against the counter on his elbows. 

He was far too close. I subtly shifted away from him and hummed showing that I was listening. I found the section about turtle health. 

“And you’re up to date about their lighting and temperature needs?” 

“I’ve had them for five years now and they have never had these problems before.” 

“I know Taehyung,” I skimmed through the book some more. “Just making sure.” 

He hummed a response, but I did not care to decipher the meaning behind it. It did not sound angry, so I assumed it was not. 

“So, they’re getting 10-12 hours of UVB light a day?” I glanced up at him. 

“Day basking at 90 degrees. and off at night,” He scratched the back of his neck. “Before you ask, their water is 80 degrees.”  

I nodded. That was all perfect for red-ear sliders. I knew the breed from the numerous times he had come in for different items of theirs. I used to be sad that I knew more about the turtles than I did their owner, but I realized how much he loved the little guys and it made everything better. If I was not so busy, I would buy a pet of my own. The only problem being I was always doing something and was extremely irresponsible. There was a reason I preferred dead things. I had killed every fish I had ever owned, and plants were hopeless in my care. Even cacti. 

“Any big move? Stress could make them stop eating.” I stole a glance at him.  

He shook his head no. 

“Nothing like that either. I might just take them to the vet.” Taehyung sighed. 

“What is their normal diet?” I quickly asked. 

He looked so sad. I wanted to find a solution for him. I knew how expensive that vet visit would be, not including the trip across town to the exotic doctor. I skimmed the paragraphs while I waited for an answer. 

“They eat the commercial stuff.” 

I hummed and placed the book on the counter. From what the book said they could be getting bored with their diet. Turtles who only ate commercial food could stop eating until they got to try something new to stimulate their appetite. 

“Have you ever tried adding some variety?” I asked, leaning against the counter with my elbows. 

I ignored the way my stomach flipped at his proximity. 

“Like what?” 

“Well,” I started, “Turtles love bugs. Crickets, snails, mealworms, and earthworms are all options to try. They can even eat feeder fish in their tank if you add some in there.” 

“My roommate would kill me if I put any of that in our fridge.” 

I laughed. I could not blame them. I would hate knowing there were bugs next to my cream cheese, too. The thought of it made my stomach churn and I fought the urge to gag. Gross. 

“Well, they can also eat fresh veggies and fruits. The book recommends leafy vegetables or grapes and strawberries. You can even try soaking their food in fruit juice or canned tuna water. They love bright colored things.” 

He smiled at me again. I swooned. The way his eyes crinkled was adorable. He must have been kissed by an angel and hand crafted by God himself to look the way he does. Even in the poor, dim fluorescent lights, he looked good. Fuck good- great.

“I’ll pick some up in the morning then.” 

“Glad to hear it.” 

“Thanks, Y/N.” He looked down at the floor, scuffing his shoe. 

So cute. 

“Happy to help. Don’t want the little guys to go hungry.” I half-heartedly laughed and tapped on the glass case in front of me. 

“Hey-“ 

He was interrupted by the chime on the door. It was his friend, the grumpy drunk guy, and I noticed the way his shoulders slumped. I wonder what the problem was. Were they having problems? I wish we were close enough for me to ask. 

“Tae let’s go,” Grumpy said, not sparing me a glance. “Irene and Cleo are waiting for us.” 

Taehyung sighed and looked at me apologetically. I gave him a small smile and wave. 

“I was wondering why you were all dressed up,” I offered lamely, hoping he would snatch the bait. 

“Wingman for the night,” He replied, smiling brightly. “See you around, Y/N. I’ll let you know how they’re doing.” 

“Taehyung,” The guy groaned, tapping his foot impatiently and staring at his watch. 

“Coming, Jin,” He replied equally annoyed. 

“Have fun,” I responded, turning around, and pretending to get busy. 

I heard a small amount of bickering before another chime and the store was silent again.  

I rubbed at my eyes and let out a huge yawn. Tonight had been boring after Taehyung had left. No one else had come in and I ended up finishing all the restocking and got a small amount of my dissertation done. I was focusing on the evolutionary functions of sauropods. So far, I was having a wonderful time discussing my theories and Dr.Lupon was kind enough to give me plenty of access to the sauropods we had in the lab. Jungkook was getting home as well. 

“Hey,” I greeted, pulling my keys out of my bag. 

“Feeling any better?” He asked, looking over at me. 

Jungkook was a sweet guy. I met him during undergrad at a party. Wren and I were getting along great, and he invited me out. Jungkook and I got paired up for beer pong and the rest was history. For a long time, we were a trio. That was until Wren moved out of the dorms and got married, Jungkook was too busy slutting it up on campus after his big breakup with Fawn, and I became the workaholic in the group. Kendall, a girl I had met during spring break in my junior year of undergrad, was the one I saw on a semi-regular basis now. I noticed a new hickey next to the other two from last night. 

“All good,” I replied. “Sorry for being a dick.”

“No worries. I actually left the guy a note so hopefully he’ll shut the fuck up.” 

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. All the years we had been living here, Jungkook had never approached my neighbor about his volume control. Neither had I. I had come to terms with the lack of sleep and Jungkook hated confrontation. I knew he would never speak to 201, Jungkook had a bad speech impediment when he was anxious or upset. A note, however, was right up his alley. I could imagine what it had said and it made me smile. 

“You didn’t have to do that, Kookie,” I said.

“Yeah, well, you bust your ass to be here. Don’t want that shit to fuck up your grades.” 

Then he was locking himself in his apartment again. I, again, did not take it personally. Jungkook and I both had a bad habit of running away from sweet moments. Jungkook more so than me. I sighed and went inside to get ready for bed. 

Like Jungkook had hoped, it was a quiet night. The night after was silent as well. Then, two weeks went by without a single sound coming from my neighbor’s apartment. And while this should have made me happy, instead all I could think about was my own anxiety. Had he moved out? Was he suffering because of me? Had Jungkook been too harsh? I knew he was crazy about sex. All of these thoughts raced through my mind once I turned off the lights. 

Jungkook told me I was being stupid. The guy was quiet and that was all that mattered. And he was right. I should have been happy but I was not. Going on night sixteen, I stared at my ceiling and waited for something, anything, and nothing came.

It had been hard walking on eggshells throughout the week. I did not really know what my friend had written and how much involvement I had, and that made it even more difficult to function. I left earlier in the morning and came home later at night. I feared I would bump into him. Even though it had never happened before, the last thing I wanted was an awkward apology.

Turning over in my bed, I stared at my front door before groaning. Finally giving up on sleep, I turned on my bedside lamp and started throwing on a few layers of clothes. It had frozen over during the weekend. That was one thing I could live without- snow. Slipping on a pair of thick, fuzzy socks and my too-large snow boots, I collected my keys before locking up my place. 

Insomnia plagued me at the best of times. Stressing was a totally different ballgame. Making my way down the stairs, I reached into my hoodie pocket and pulled out my tangled headphones. Kendall and Wren always poked fun at my old electronics but I paid them no mind. I would use it until it broke and was not worth fixing. It was the same reason I never paid for Spotify or Apple Music like they did. I much rather waste my money on summer expeditions and books. Putting my playlist on shuffle, I began unlocking my bike from the rack.

It had been a hard change when I first left home. I thought, as an 18-year-old girl, that the moment I left my parent’s house and went on my own adventure that I would have things figured out in no time. I laughed at myself now. God, I was so naive. The real world was hard and going Ivy League was harder. Most of the people around me were descendants or related to somebody important. The rest were exchange students who had little interest in me. My first few years at Harvard were rough and I was surprised I had managed. But every time I spoke to my family it made all of the hard work worth it. They were proud and so was I.

Now, here I was about to get my Ph.D. and still trying to figure out what I could do with myself after I left this place. My professor had offered me an adjacent faculty position but I needed to get out from my comfort zone. I wanted to see what else the world had to offer before accepting something like that. My mom thought I was crazy but I knew grandpa would be happy with my decision. Pulling up to the lab, I reminded myself that I had a lecture in the morning and I could not stay for too long. 

It always amazed me how I was able to go from sneaking into this building during my sophomore year to owning a spare key. Back then, I mostly stuck to the rocks and occasionally would find myself looking over the bones. After a while, the rocks were just a suggestion. Now, I quickly let myself into the fossil room and began to wash my hands. Hygiene and care were extremely important when handling bones and I had planned on looking over that tusk again. A half an hour later is when I got the first phone call.

“Y/N,” Kendall slurred on the other side of the phone, loud music blasting in the background, and I could hear Wren laughing loudly just to the side of my friend. “Come to Grendall’s! It’s Throwback Thursday!”

Taking off my cotton gloves, I slowly stood up and began putting my things away. Even if I had no intentions of going out, I did need to start getting everything put away before somebody saw me. While it was not unallowed, most of the other students were not able to come and go as they please, so my professor had asked me to keep this a secret. 

“I have class in the morning,” I replied, placing her on speakerphone while I began the careful process of putting the tusk back.

“Bitch,” It was Wren now. “You better be joking.”

I laughed, “And you’ve lost your mind if you think I’m going to that shitshow. Last time I was at Grendall’s some asshole threw his drink on me.”

“But they’re playing Usher, Y/N! Usher!”

I pursed my lips fighting back a grin. I was almost mad at myself for entertaining the idea at all, but thinking about it now it had been a while since I last went out. Kendall and Wren were both having a great time, but I was not in a party mood. By the time I got there everyone would be getting ready to leave and I would have wasted my time anyway. Declining the invitation again, I hung up before the drunk whining got any worse.

Figuring I would get home, I picked up all of the equipment and locked the door behind me. Flicking the lights off one-by-one, I yawned as the double doors to the research lab slammed behind me. Locking up, I rushed down the stairs and grabbed my bike. 

The moonlight was covered by the clouds so the streets were only lit by the scattered streetlights. Securing my helmet, I contemplated grabbing some food on the way home but shook my head. I had peanut butter and bread. 

It took ten minutes to ride back home. The parking lot was full and deserted. The silence creeped me out, so I quickly locked my bike up before taking the short walk back up to my flat. The stairs banged loudly into the night and I winced with each step I took. I hoped I did not wake anybody. 

Walking past my neighbor’s door, I paused. Whoever they might have been had been very respectful of my boundaries. I almost felt bad for getting rid of their fun. Biting my lip, I looked at the door and sighed.

“Oh, to hell with it,” I mumbled, walking to my door.

It took no time to unlock the door. Leaving it wide open, I found my backpack easily and pulled out a sticky note. Grimacing, I almost second-guessed my plan when I caught sight of the pastel pink bunnies around the edges. Rolling my eyes, I fought the urge and got a pen from my front pocket.

Walking back outside, I stuck the note to the door and began to write.

Sorry about my friend. Do whatever you want. It’s your apartment. -203

After reinforcing the hold with some clear tape, I finally stalked back to my apartment for the rest of the night. It felt strange to give a grown man permission to have sex in his own home, but I had also thought it was weird that dinosaurs had feathers the first time I heard it. It had been my fault he thought he couldn’t, I rationalized. I was simply reminding him that he was free to make his own decisions. 

Crawling into bed, I checked the time and sighed in frustration. I had class in three hours. Rolling over, I let my eyes slip shut. Whatever 201 decided to do, I would be fine with. Even if it meant I would lose some sleep.

Just on the cusp of sleep, I was awoken by a loud bang from the other side of the wall. Shooting up, I grabbed my chest in surprise. Then, almost like an eerie thriller, a shout came through the wall. Scrambling up the bed, I pressed my ear against it and waited for something else to happen. 

“What are you going to do to me?” A woman said, her voice quivering.

“Whatever the fuck I want,” A man replied.

Cupping my mouth, I froze. Was this a kinky sex thing or was 201 about to murder a woman? Was that what he had been doing? Reeling, I continued to listen.

“Daddy,” The woman whined.

Immediately, I threw myself away from the wall with a disgusted exclamation. Definitely kinky sex things. Shuttering, I felt my blood run cold at the thought. I had been listening to my neighbor have sex- willingly. Not consciously, I tried to remind myself. I still felt like a pervert. 

“Oh, fuck!” She shouted. “Just like that. Fuck!”

I heard a loud slap before the man chastised her for speaking out of turn. This only seemed to please her more because she was moaning and groaning. More curses and slaps came through the wall and I curled into a ball at the edge of my bed. 

My annoyance was growing once more. He had not even gotten my note and he was violating me all over again. Gritting my teeth, I crawled out of my bed and got another sticky note. I doubted 201 would even notice if I left another right now. He was occupied.

I have class in the morning asshole, so keep the noise down. Other people live here. -203

Sticking the note on the door, I ripped the other one off and crumpled it in my hand. 201 and I were going to have some problems again it seems. Again, my brain attempted to remind me about how badly I felt for him earlier, but I ignored it. He broke the rules before I said he could! He’s a pig. He has a daddy kink.

I could not tell if I was angrier about the noise or the fact that my panties had grown ever so slightly damp at the thought.

Relax, princess. I’ll keep it down next time. Have fun in class, or whatever else you do. -201

Furious, I chuckled darkly. Ripping the piece of notebook paper from my door, I pulled out another sticky note. 

Whatever it is I do, I’m sure it’s far more fulfilling than fucking everything that walks. -203

Sticking it to the door, I marched down the stairs in a wave of anger. Nothing could calm me down right now. Who the hell does he think he is? Jesus Christ of fucking Nazareth? Scoffing, I cracked my neck. What a joke.

I had hardly slept. Between the banging against the wall and my own anger, I had closed my eyes for thirty minutes before my alarm had gone off. I would, hopefully, get some sleep in between my afternoon and evening classes. I told myself that I would not go to the lab tonight. Thinking about 201, I grit my teeth. I could not even be sure of that if the man-whore decided to bring home another banshee.

He called me princess.

Breathing through my nostrils, I unlocked my bike and put on my helmet. I heard my name being called behind me and turned around.

Taehyung waved me down, a large, square smile on his face. Forcing a smile, I waved back at him. I would have to get my temper in check before I spoke with him. Another thing 201 had ruined for me, I said to myself. 

He was dripping in sweat, his gray tank top sticking to his chest and shorts hardly moving from the amount of water on them. He was wearing a hat today, something I had rarely seen, and I swooned. He looked so nice with his hair out of his face. Coming to a stop in front of me, Taehyung looked at my face with worry.

“Didn’t sleep last night?” He asked, taking an ear bud out.

I shook my head. I decided against telling him about my neighbor's issues. We were not close enough for me to feel comfortable discussing daddy-kinks. Even if they were my neighbor’s. 

Not that I’m against it, I thought to myself. 

“I stayed out too late at the lab,” I replied. Half truths were better than whole lies. “Just lost track of time.”

“What’s your major again?” He asked, leaning against the bike rack.

Checking my watch, I was happy I still had time to chat before class. I had left earlier than I thought. Jungkook was ditching this morning. He and the girls had too much fun last night.

“Paleontology. I’m getting my Ph.D. "

He whistled jokingly and sent a little wink my way.

“Smart girl, huh?” He chuckled. “I went to Harvard for about two months before dropping out.”

Grabbing hold of this information, I grinned at him. I was glad to be learning more about the guy. He had been on my radar for a while now, so breaking some ice was always a good thing. Maybe, if I learned enough, I would feel more comfortable asking him out.

“What do you do for work?”

“Personal trainer,” He shrugged. “I was going to be a dietitian, but I wasn’t cut out for college. You’re at Harvard, right?”

I nodded, “I’ve been here since undergrad.”

Taehyung smiled, seemingly impressed. Looking around, he put his hands on his hips. An awkward silence sat between us, and I glanced at my watch again. I had five minutes left of this conversation. I would be late otherwise. 

“Hey,” He finally said, a thoughtful look on his face. “Which building do you live in?”

I pointed to the one behind him. Taehyung smiled brightly and said he lived in the same one. After a minute of talking about how long we had each stayed, another small lapse in conversation happened. It was hard to talk to him without putting my foot in my mouth. I doubted he really wanted to hear about the things that I liked, and I was clueless about what he was into.

“Do you want to get dinner with me?”

Snapping back to the conversation, I had no idea how to respond. That was very sudden. Taehyung seemed pleased by my reaction, no doubt giving away how nervous I was, and I looked down at my shoes. I hated myself for wearing slippers. 

“Uh, yeah,” I nodded, faking nonchalance. “Sure. When?”

“Next week?” He asked. “I’m pretty busy right now.”

“Yeah, totally.” I nodded, dumbly. “I’m free every day except Thursdays.”

“Next Friday? Around 6?”

I shook my head. “I have work that day. I’m off Sunday, though.”

Taehyung thought for a moment before grinning. 

“I can make Sunday work. We can get lunch.”

After agreeing, we exchanged numbers and went separate ways. Taehyung had to meet with a client in a few minutes and I needed to get to class. Riding away, I was dumbfounded by my own feelings. I had not felt as excited about the idea as I thought I would. He had not seemed very interested in me before, and even asking me out had not really been all that flattering. Chalking it up to over thinking, I pushed my negative thoughts away and focused on the fact that I had a date next week. Wren was going to flip.

Arriving home, I found another note left on my door. Rolling my eyes, I was getting fed up with the childish game of telephone we were playing. I had started it, a thought that made me feel shameful, but if he had something to say to me then he should just go for it.  I grabbed the note.

Not everything. Just the things I like. Sorry again. I will try to be quieter. -201

I found a smiling creeping up my face. I was acting like a complete spaz. Getting a sticky note, I replied.

Enjoy yourself. But not at 4 in the morning. Especially on Wednesdays. I have a class to teach. Sorry for acting like a Karen. -203

Sticking it to the door, I nodded. Hopefully this would mend the bridge. He can still have his fun and I won’t lose my mind. Taking my laptop out of my bag, I decided to get some homework done and continue writing my thesis. My workload was heavy, and I knew I would start feeling the pressure the most after winter break, but for now my thesis was smooth sailing. I was finished with my research thus far, and I only had to sit down, write, cite, and iron out the details. I knew Wren was already losing her mind over hers, but I trusted Jimin to be there for her. They were a power couple if I had ever seen one.

I gave up after four hours. My homework was finished, but I had gotten stuck on my paper again. I was getting caught up on the details when I should be writing. Putting my laptop away, I decided to go get some phone when my phone chimed.

Unknown: Hey is this Y/N?

Raising my eyebrow, I replied hesitantly.

Me: Yes. Who’s this?

Unknown: It’s Tae! Haha

Unknown: Sorry for texting so late. I just got home

Breathing a sigh of relief, I typed back a response.

Me: Oh hey

Me: No worries. I thought you were one of those telemarketers

Tae: Nope. Just Taehyung lol

Tae: Are you still good for Sunday?

Frowning, I stepped outside and shut my door. Why was he asking? We had just seen each other this morning. Standing, I replied and waited.

Me: Yeah? Why?

I heard a door open nearby but ignored it. Nibbling on my thumb nail, I grew anxious. Had he changed his mind? Stopping my thoughts in their tracks, I immediately told myself that this was not a big deal. I was not that desperate. I was lonely, but I knew my worth. Taehyung would not make me lose sight of that.

Tae: Just checking

“Uh,” Someone cleared their throat from beside me. “Excuse me?”

Looking over, I blinked. The guy was cute, insanely so, with pretty skin and wild black hair. He looked like he just woke up if the wrinkles in his shirt were anything to go by. Pushing back the thin, gold-rimmed glasses resting on his nose, the man smiled nervously.

“I’m Namjoon. 201.”

Mouth hanging open, I looked him over a bit more thoroughly this time. I had never seen my neighbor before and I could see why women liked him. He had an aura that surrounded him. Still, when I noticed he had dimples I could not get him being called ‘daddy’ out of my head. So, this was the nympho?

“Y/N, 203,” I replied, voice small.

My phone chimed again.

Tae: Where’d you go?

Nose wrinkling in discomfort, I did not know how to reply. It had been less than five minutes since he had sent the last message. My discontent from earlier returned and I wondered if I had made a good choice agreeing to the date. Remembering 201, I looked back at him.

“Sorry,” I shook my head, my face still distorted. “This guy is being weird.”

He shook his head, a lazy grin on his face.

“No worries, I get those types all the time,” He ran his fingers through his hair and looked out into the night. “Just wanted to properly apologize about the noise. And the note. I was being passive aggressive.”

Taehyung forgotten, I shook my head and hands at the same time.

“No harm, no foul,” I replied. “I kinda started it anyway. Sorry for calling you an asshole. And then a fuck boy.”

He pulled a face, “You didn’t call me a fuck boy.”

“I insinuated it.”

My phone chimed again.

“You can get that,” He nodded to my hand. 

Leaning against the iron fence, Namjoon took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Following suit, I turned my back to the fence and looked at the text chain.

Tae: Y/N???????

Me: I’m getting something to eat. Sorry for not replying sooner.

The reply was instantaneous.

Tae: No worries :)

Tae: I miss you

Thoroughly creeped out, I again found myself at a loss. Screenshotting the conversation, I sent it to Kendall with a slew of question marks. I saw the check marks beside it before the bubble popped up. Kendall had always been great about texting back fast.

KC: uhhh wtf?

KC: block him

Before I could reply to Kendall, Taehyung had already sent another text.

Tae: Can you send me a picture?

Shocked, I blurted out, “What the fuck?”

Namjoon looked at me, an amused look on his face.

“Trouble in paradise?”

Shaking my head, I found myself speaking without much thought.

“He’s a guy I’ve known for a bit. He asked me out this morning and he’s acting weird.”

Namjoon took a step closer to me, looked to see if I was okay with it, and stood right next to me. I showed him the messages easily, my own confusion making my normal walls shattered. I knew the guy was a daddy-dom for Christ’s sake. I think he could see the creepy messages Taehyung was sending me. It would level the playing field. 

“Damn,” He whispered, obviously wanting to laugh. “He’s really fucking this up.”

“What does he mean by ‘pictures?’” I asked. “I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.”

“Don’t,” Namjoon quickly interjected. “He’s pushy and clingy. It’ll only get worse if you pay attention to it. I’d block him.”

Nodding, I decided to send a gentle let down before blocking his number.

Me: I think we should cancel Sunday. You’re making me really uncomfortable and I don’t want to see you anymore.

Pressing the block button, I sighed in defeat. That had been the first date I had been asked on in months and it went to shit before it even started. Dejected, I told Kendall that I did. I was not very hungry anymore. Putting my phone in my jacket pocket, I decided to go back inside.

“Hey,” Namjoon said, voice gentle. “Don’t let that guy ruin your night. You were about to go somewhere, right?”

Nodding, I kicked the concrete and pushed off the railing.

“I don’t think I’m all that hungry anymore,” I replied. “I’m going to go inside. Thanks for apologizing and have all the sex you want.”

Namjoon laughed despite himself and came to walk beside me.

“Order some takeout,” He argued. “By the time it gets here you’ll be hungry again.”

He was only being nice because we were rocky, I knew that. Still, I felt touched that he had even tried to make me feel better. My friends were great, but they were all living their lives. No one really had time to help me with mine most of the time. It was nice, friend or not, to have someone looking out for me. I nodded.

“I will,” I put my hand on my door knob. “Do you want anything?”

The olive branch had already been extended at this point. I had let him read my texts, and I was appreciative of his efforts to make me feel better. The least I could do was get him some fried rice. Namjoon smiled at me. 

“Sesame chicken or pepper steak. Whichever they have right now.”

I nodded and smiled back. “Gotcha.”

I went inside and closed the door. I heard Namjoon go inside and found myself smiling once again. He was sweet. A very sweet, kind, nymphomaniac with a daddy-kink. Desperate to get that idea out of my head, I called the Chinese restaurant down the street and ordered our food.

I left a tray of sesame chicken and pepper steak outside of his door with a note on it.

Not everything. Just the things you like. -203

I knocked and went back inside before he opened the door. Curling up on my bed, I turned on my tv and waited to hear his door open. When his laugh bounced through the hallway, I smiled over my plate of fried rice.

Putting another container of cat food on the shelf, I sighed into the phone. Kendall had done nothing but laugh at the entire ordeal with Taehyung. Wren, who was laughing right alongside her, struggled to catch her breath.

“I’m sorry,” She wheezed, “This is just too much.”

I rubbed my eyes, frustrated and tired. If I had known all this phone call was just going to be getting made fun of I would not have picked it up. My silence must have clued one of them in since the laughing had stopped a few seconds later.

“You are okay, though, right?” Kendall asked. 

“Yeah,” I replied, quietly. “Just… disappointed.”

“Don’t let him make you feel bad about yourself,” Wren said, her voice far away from the phone. “You deserve better than a ‘u up?” text.”

“Yeah, he’s a fucking loser,” Kendall agreed.

Hearing the bell ring, I told the girls I had to go and promised to call them back once I was done with the customer. Putting the box of cat food to the side, I stood up and adjusted my clothes. Putting on my best customer service smile, I stepped onto the main floor.

“Welcome to Adrian’s!” I called out.

My steps flattered once I saw Jungkook swaying near the register. Confused, I checked my watch and realized that it was getting very close to closing. I had not noticed the time flying. Dropping the act, I let myself look as grumpy as I felt.

He was obviously drunk. Head tilted back and a shit-eating grin on his face, Jungkook’s eyes were closed tightly. One look at him and I was already calling Kendall back. The two of them had been fooling around on-and-off since June and I was not in the mood for the walk of shame.

“That was quick,” She answered.

“Come get Jungkook,” I sighed. “He’s blasted and I have to finish putting this cat food away.”

I heard ruffling from the other side. 

“He’s at the store?”

I nodded, “Yeah. I’ll keep him company while we wait.”

“We’ll be there in five,” Wren replied, her voice much closer now. “Kendall’s getting some barf bags just in case.”

Walking closer to the drunk man, I shook my head. I remembered when Jungkook had never even touched a drink before. Now it was difficult to find a time when he was sober. I wished I could do more for him, but it was hard to tell where I stood in that regard. We had known each other for years now, but I still knew very little about who he was. We had grown apart after Fawn and never really got back on track.

“Do you think they’ll ever just be together?” I asked absentmindedly.

Kendall was good for Jungkook. She evened him out. Where he was argumentative and overly lax about everything, she was responsible and willing to listen. Kendall always took Jungkook and his moods in stride without much complaint. I knew there was love there, but I was no fool to believe it was a healthy one. Jungkook needed to get his shit together and earn Kendall.

“Maybe,” Wren replied. “If Jungkook gets a therapist and quits the bottle.”

Kendall called out in the background, but I was unable to make it out. Wren and I said our goodbyes, and I placed my hand on Jungkook’s shoulder. Cracking open an eye, Jungkook’s smile grew wide as he found me. Unimpressed, I kept my impression impassive.

“Hey,” He slurred, tripping over nothing and catching himself.

“Hello, Jungkook,” I sighed, steadying him under my hands. “Long night?”

He nodded his head like a toddler with a stupid smile on his face. He looked his age tonight. It broke my heart as much as it warmed it. It was always nice to see him carefree and having fun. The guy was born to demand crowds with a nice smile, but I also knew what he was like when he was not drunk. Shy, meek, and soft spoken- someone that he hated. I missed that kid. We got along a lot more.

“I want to hear about dinosaurs,” He said, voice way too loud and slurred for the otherwise quiet store. “I want you to tell me about dinosaurs.”

Frowning, I helped to move him closer to the counter so he could lean against it. Jungkook enjoyed my stories. He was one of the few guys I knew that seemed excited about my brain rather than taken aback. It was unfortunate we had never been interested in each other. Jungkook would have been a nice change of pace at one point in time. Looking at him now, though, I doubt we would have ever been able to make it past whatever this was. I did not take shit like this. I did not know how Kendall did, but a part of me was happy about it.

“What do you want to know?” I asked, taking a step away from him.

Leaning against the counter, Jungkook struggled to keep his eyes open. He looked so tired. Fawn had destroyed every bit of innocence Jungkook had. First love, first heartbreak, first betrayal- Fawn had done it all. From cheating, to verbal abuse, and all the way to hitting Jungkook in public. It was never hard to understand why Jungkook had sunk so low. It was just hard to understand why he never thought he could climb himself back up.

“What’s new?” He laughed.

Smiling sadly, I thought about the question for a second and tried to pick out the most exciting piece of news. The tusk was the most exciting thing in my life right now, but maybe not so cool to a layman. 

“There was a new dinosaur discovered in Utah,” I finally replied. “It’s a beaked guy that’s about 99-million-years-old. They’re calling him Iani Smithi.”

Jungkook snorted obnoxiously, “They named it Ian Smith?”

Laughing along with him, it was easy to forget about his issues. The two of us used to do this sort of thing all the time. He would come into Adrian’s with all of his books and we would shoot the shit for hours. Jungkook was a good study buddy even though we were in completely different fields. He was like the baby brother I never had.

“He’s named after a Roman God and the guy who found him,” I chuckled.

“There’s a God named Ian?”

I raised an eyebrow and waved my hand, “Technically, it’s Ianus.”

“So Ian?” He giggled.

Rolling my eyes, I smiled fondly. Glancing out of the large, glass windows I saw Kendall’s Jeep parking across the street. Knowing our conversation was about to be over, I decided to indulge him a little. He looked happy tonight.

“We can call him Ian, I guess.”

Jungkook made a happy sound. Kendall got out of her four-wheel-drive and briefly looked both ways before crossing. Her hair was up and out of her face with a dark colored headband keeping her blonde bangs out of her face. I liked the pajama shorts she was wearing and made a mental note to ask her about them later. The bell chimed when she walked through the door and she found Jungkook immediately.

Putting on a big, sly grin, Kendall sauntered up to the tall man and wrapped her arms around his neck. Jungkook melted into her with ease and sighed in content. He looked even more tired now that she was here, but I thought it was a good sign. Maybe he will sleep tonight. 

“Lets go you big baby,” She cooed, kissing his cheek.

Jungkook nodded in a daze and followed behind her. They were holding hands. Turning toward me, Kendall gave me a smile and wave before leaving. I waved her off and went back to the cat food. She had her hands full with the kid so I would not hold it against her.

Walking home, I got caught in the rain and had to run the rest of the two blocks it took me to get home. No one else had come in and I hoped it would stay that way. I was worried Taehyung would show up and I’d be alone. Maybe he was busy? Did not matter, I was just happy he was leaving me alone.

Racing up the stairs, I almost slipped but caught myself before I face-planted the concrete. Cursing, I grumbled as I walked the last set of stairs. A black eye would be the cherry on top of the already shit night.

Wren had messaged me to let me know that Jungkook was alright. It was a relief but did not make my discomfort go away. He was getting worse. I wondered if Kendall knew about the hickies I had been seeing. It was none of my business, I said to myself. They were a strange duo.

Getting to my door, I saw a small box sitting in front of it. Pulling out my phone, I turned on my flashlight so I could see better in the dark hallway. 201 was written across the top of it bringing a smile to my face. Shaking my head, I picked up the box and unlocked my door.

Stripping out of my wet clothes, I threw it into the pile in the corner I needed to take to the laundromat. After taking a hot shower and going through my nighttime routine, I finally took the box and brought it to my bed. Ripping the top open, I was confused to see another box inside of it. Lifting it, I gasped. 

It was a small, Mosasaurus fossil building kit. It was obviously made from Legos, but a different company had made it so they were simply labeled ‘building bricks.’ How did he know I liked dinosaurs in the first place? Looking inside the box again I saw a folded paper at the bottom.

Apparently one of my colleagues knows you. I said you were my neighbor and he said the two of you had gone on a dig together years ago. You are also on his fiance’s shit list, by the way. Didn’t peg you to be the homewrecking type. Closested bad girl? Anyway, I saw this at the museum souvenir shop. Take it as my thanks for the food. Let me see it when it’s done. -Joon

Laughing loudly, Dave Powell’s face came to mind along with his fiance. Jenna Marcel was a girl from our freshman biology class. During undergrad, she and I were not friends but were friendly enough to greet one another and make small talk. Cut to our junior year, Jungkook and Jimin had dragged me to a frat party to celebrate exams being over. I was sloppy drunk and dancing with Jimin until a man, who inebriated me thought was good-looking but was not when I could think straight, got in between us. I ended up making out with him and Jenna found us like that. Apparently, it had been her boyfriend. She had nothing but bad things to say about me ever since and made it her mission to run a smear campaign anytime I was mentioned.  

Mood thoroughly lifted, I tried to think if I had ever heard of Namjoon before our meeting the other night. He was a blank to me, but if he worked with Dave then we were in similar fields. I could guess anthropology like Dave, but I would ask to confirm later. Jenna and I worked closely together most of the time as we were both in paleontology, but no one really liked her very much. Too much gossiping and a lot less work getting done in her office. Jenna never really bothered me all that much.

Putting the model kit down on my nightstand, I crawled up my bed toward the wall. Pressing my ear against the wall, I listened but to no avail. It was silent in Namjoon’s apartment. Deciding to test my luck, I raised my hand and knocked on the wall.

“Yeah?” A voice called out a few seconds later.

Jumping, I covered my mouth to keep the surprised shriek in. 

“Uh,” I choked before clearing my voice. “Thanks for the Mosasaurus.” 

“What is it?” He asked, his voice much closer to the wall now, and I wondered if he looked like I did. Smiling, I leaned my forehead against the rough wall and closed my eyes. I would be able to talk freely for a second time tonight. The feeling was ecstasy.

“It was an aquatic squamate reptile from the late Cretaceous. It was my favorite dinosaur as a kid.”

“What’s that all mean?”

Turning around, I rested my back against the wall. 

“It was a really big sea lizard,” I clarified, a small smile on my face.

Namjoon laughed, “Like a dragon?”

Smile growing wider, I replied.

“Just without the fire-breathing and wings.”

“And it’s in the water,” He pointed out.

“There’s sea dragons,” I argued. “What about sea serpents?”

Namjoon laughed again, “Touche.”

A comfortable silence fell between us. It was strange to feel so comfortable with someone like Namjoon. Last week he was the nymphomaniac next door and now we were talking dinosaurs. This was new for me, but it helped ease the loneliness. Namjoon was an easy guy. I knew he liked sesame chicken, sex, and felt comfortable enough with me to buy me a model fossil kit. I wondered if he was lonely, too.

“Are you hungry?” He suddenly asked.

“I could eat,” I replied, more aware of my hunger than I had been before.

I really needed to get better about eating more often.

“There’s a 24/7 taco place around the corner if you want to go.”

“What about the rain?” I asked, not wanting to go back out into the storm.

A long stretch of silence went by.

“I have ramen,” Namjoon finally said. “You could come over if you want.”

Laughing, I decided to be a bit playful.

“Is that what you ask all of your girls?”

I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Only the ones I like.”

I laughed, “So you like me now?”

“I’ve liked you since you put that note on my door.”

Sobering up, I froze. Heart racing, I covered my face and smiled into my hand. He was very forward, but I was not interested in becoming another notch in his bedpost. No matter how cute he was.

But you could be the woman calling him daddy, my mind screamed at me. Stomach warming, I could see it now. I would be on my knees, tears streaming down my face, and Namjoon towering over me. I rubbed my thighs together.

“I’m not interested in a fling,” I said, not even convinced of it myself. It would be so easy. “I’m the monogamous type.”

I heard him hum.

“So am I,” Namjoon replied. “I’ve been hooking up recently, but I do like relationships.”

“What are you asking me, 201?” I cut to the chase, wanting to get to the point already.

“I was asking you to come over,” Namjoon’s voice started to drift away from the wall. “Now I’m asking if I can come over so we can build that sea lizard together.”

His voice was very far away from the wall now and I realized far too late that he was walking toward his door. Scrambling off my bed, I dashed to my dresser to find a pair of pants. I never wore them when I was going to sleep. Stumbling and jumping into the most unflattering pair of pajama pants I owned (why hadn’t I done laundry sooner?) just as a loud knock came to my door. Running, I smoothed down my clothes and messed with my hair a bit before opening it.

“Hey neighbor,” Namjoon greeted me as if we had not been having a conversation before. “Would you like to hang out?”

“Is this a date?” I asked, looking everywhere but his face.

“No,” Namjoon replied. “Just two people getting to know each other.”

Looking at him now, I raised an eyebrow. He had literally asked me to “eat ramen” with him less than five minutes ago. Softening, Namjoon shrugged. Scoffing at him, I crossed my arms over my chest.

“If you’re ‘courting’ me,” I made the quotations with my fingers, “I want to lay some ground rules.”

“Go for it,” Namjoon replied.

“Rule number one:-” I lifted my pointer finger, “-no hook ups. I can literally hear you and it’s weird. Rule number two: I expect this to be a mutual thing. I will only put in the amount of effort you do. And three-” I looked him in the eyes, “-I don’t like liars.”

“So,” Namjoon began counting with his fingers, “We’re not seeing other people, we’re going to do heart and flowers, and lying is punishable by death?”

“Are you okay with that?” I asked.

I thought it was only fair to be as clear as possible. I had expectations, and Namjoon had said he was hooking up right now. I was not fine with something like that, but it did not mean we could not still be friendly. Dating or not, I had figured we would get along just fine.

“I can do that,” He nodded with a smile. “But I just want to focus on being cool. I rush through this shit a lot.”

I opened my door wider.

“Join the club,” I grinned. “Come in.”

Wren tossed her hair over her shoulder, smacking my face with it. Shoving her forward, she laughed and walked up to the counter. I stood behind her and pointed at the flavor I wanted. 

“I’ll get a scoop of raspberry sorbet in a cup,” I told the young girl taking our order. “No toppings, please.”

“And I want two scoops of Cookie Monster on a waffle cone,” Wren said. “Chocolate drizzle and marshmallows.”

Scrunching my nose up, I gave Wren a look. Shrugging her shoulders at me and paid for the both of us. We walked to the pick up window and waited. 

“I thought you were on a diet?” I asked.

Wren’s mother had been complaining about her weight and it had finally gotten to her head. Jimin told her he thought she looked just fine, but family pressures always made Wren cave. She said it was just the way her family worked, but I knew how hard that sort of thing can be. My family and I were getting better at communicating even with my father’s not-so-silent disapproval of my life choices. Wren’s mom was like that but ten times more intense.

“I gave up after a week,” She shrugged. “My mom’s just going to have to deal with me putting on a few extra pounds.”

“Why is she so obsessed about it anyway?”

Wren shrugged, “It’s a big deal in China so she’s projecting it onto me. I know it’s coming from a good place, but that doesn’t mean I have to deal with her insecurities. I learned that from someone special.”

Fixing me with a pointed look, I smiled shyly. She always said I made her more confident, but I did not believe her. Kendall had done more for Wren’s self love journey than I ever did. I just told her she was her own person six years ago and she acts like I made all of her parental issues go away.

“So who’s this guy you’re seeing?” Wren suddenly switched topics.

Grabbing our order, she handed me my sorbet and the two of us sat at one of the small tables on the other side of the ice cream parlor.

“You remember 201?” I asked, taking a spoonful of sorbet and stuffing it into my mouth. “Turns out he’s much nicer than I gave him credit for.”

Wren squealed. Her mind had gone to sex, I could see the mischievous glint in her eye, and I tried to hide my growing embarrassment. Out of all my friends, Wren had the most experience with good partners and pushed me to expand my horizons, and she knew all about the fiend next door. As if I could see the wheels in her head turned, I braced myself for the conversation to come. 

“Who is he?” She asked, coming closer and dropping her voice.

This place was popular amongst students and she was overly paranoid about someone listening in. 

“Namjoon Kim,” I replied, biting my lip to stop the smile from taking over my face.

Things between us had been going well. Namjoon was kind and considerate, and like he had said, we had only been acting like friends. Between a late night run to get tacos together and staying up to talk over the phone while I was holed up in the lab, I was happy with the way things were headed. I liked him more than I thought I would.

“I didn’t realize Namjoon was a nympho!” Wren exclaimed, her voice causing a few heads to turn. 

Reaching out, I smacked Wren on the top of her head. She pouted childishly, but relented. Sending a few apologetic smiles to the unfortunate souls overhearing our conversation, I glared at Wren in between each one. All I got was a noncommittal shoulder shrug.

“Are you trying to embarrass me?” I whispered harshly. 

“You’re the one who’s dropping bombs,” She replied.

“No, I’m trying to have a conversation with you. Very different.”

Wren burst into laughter. Unable to stop myself, I joined her quiet chuckles. I could feel people looking at us, but it only made me laugh harder.

“I can’t believe I called him a nympho in public,” Wren wheezed, hiding behind her hands.

“You didn’t just say it,” I laughed, “You yelled it from the rooftops.”

Shaking her head, Wren took a few large licks of her ice cream.

“He’s a nice dude,” She changed subjects quickly. “We’ve gone on a few digs together. He’s as big of a nerd as you are. You should definitely ask him about Greece- he’s all about Classical art.”

Namjoon was a fan of the arts. The two of us had gone to the Museum of Fine Arts over the weekend, and were planning on stopping by the campus art museum sometime soon. He wanted me to take him on a tour of the Natural History museum first. According to him, he needed a “proper” dinosaur tour since he had never worked with a paleontologist on a dig. 

“I’ve heard about Egypt and Kenya already, but I’ll keep Greece in mind,” I replied, eating another spoonful. “What excavation should I bring up? I’ve had fun with all of mine.”

Wren put a finger on her chin, “You haven’t left the U.S?”

I shook my head, “I went to Manitoba during undergrad. I didn’t find much though. The group I was with weren’t as excited about digging as I was. All of my good digs have been in the States.”

“Why didn’t you go to Mongolia with Lupon?” She asked, her first scoop finished.

“You can’t keep anything you find,” I replied. “What’s the fun in that?”

Wren and I were more closely related in fields. Both she and Namjoon were archaeologists and traveled all over the world during the summer. The two of us met during an excavation in Colorado. Dr.Lupon and two other professors from the anthropology department had a large excavation planned for the undergrads. Wren was helping the team dig up some possible fossils, but they had been unsuccessful. My small group was spread out and looking around, but my eyes caught something in the dirt. I had asked her to help me get it up, and we ended up finding a Stegosaurus plate that had broken. The two of us had found the first fossils of the trip and were attached at the hip for the rest of the summer. 

“I could talk to him about Dinosaur Ridge.”

Wren nodded enthusiastically, “Don’t forget about Mesa Verde.”

We had gone to the Mesa Verde National Park for a two week tour, study, and small excavation after we were done in Dinosaur Ridge. I had a lot of fun with Wren, but I could not recall too much about Mesa Verde. The architecture was beautiful but it was the most boring excavation I had been a part of to date. I never really counted Manitoba.

“I have a good feeling about this one,” Wren said. “From what I know about him, Namjoon’s a nice guy. A little abrasive at times, but nothing you can’t handle.”

I scoffed, “Jenna already got her ‘homewrecker’ storyline in his head.”  

“She’s still not over that?” Wren laughed, voice higher in pitch. 

“She did catch her boyfriend’s tongue in my mouth,” I reasoned. 

I winced. Namjoon had never brought that up again, but it was still bothering me. Not only was it a bad light to be in- it was just not true. Dave had gotten over it pretty quickly, and Jenna had never had any mean words to say about him. She had ruined two possible relationships for me before and I was afraid it might work on Namjoon if they were together long enough.

“Didn’t they get married?”  

“Yeah,” I nodded and took the last bite of my sorbet. 

“Then why is she still complaining about it?” She wondered out loud. 

“She needs everyone to know that I’m a homewrecker,” I giggled. 

It really was petty at our age, but that never seemed to stop her before.

“But no home was wrecked?”  

“Want to hear something even worse?” I leaned in and covered the side of my mouth. 

Wren leaned in quickly, her eyes wide in excitement. She was such a gossiper. I almost felt bad for telling her, I knew it would be talked about at every function where it was acceptable. Jenna had called me every name in the book, though, so I felt little sympathy for her. Now we could call it even. 

“He proposed on both knees,” I snorted. 

“What?” Wren exclaimed. “Like begging?” 

“No, like Shane Dawson.” 

Wren and I both laughed loudly. I laughed so hard my stomach began to hurt and it was difficult to breathe. Wren, on the other hand, had a terrible habit of hurting herself when she laughed. From falling out of chairs to quite literally throwing herself on the floor, she always seemed to leave with a few bumps and bruises. This time she simply banged her knee into the table. 

“And she’s pressed?” Wren managed in between bouts of laughter. 

I howled like a hyena and felt tears coming to my eyes. I could see the picture vividly in my mind. Morgan, a girl from my department, and I were in Utah doing research when she started laughing before turning her phone so I could see the Instagram post. Dave was wearing flip flops, khakis, and an ill-fitting Baby Yoda shirt, his back perfectly straight and lifted by his knees. Jenna had her hands over her mouth and was crying. I began to laugh even harder. I needed to see if Morgan still had a screenshot.  

“Jen, sorry to tell you, babe, but no one wants to wreck that home.” Wren wheezed. 

“He was wearing a Baby Yoda shirt.” 

Wren snorted. 

“I’m done. I’ve heard it all.”  

I wiped the tears off my face and began to catch my breath. Wren and I always had a great time together, it was the main reason we got so close, and no one made me laugh the way she did. I sent a text to Morgan and continued my steady breathing. We would both be in stitches the moment we saw it.

“Hey, Y/N?” Wren was suddenly serious. 

“Yeah?” I breathed out, looking back at her face. I wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks.

“Anyone would be lucky to have you, you know that right?” 

I looked away shyly.

“Of course, Wren,” I replied. “I got over that hill.”

She nodded, “Just making sure.”

My phone chimed distracting us both. Waving Wren over, the tense moment was gone. Scooting her chair to my side of the table, I quickly pressed on Morgan’s text. Underneath a few crying-laughing emojis was the photo. Wren took my phone from my hands, her hand cupping her mouth, and another loud wave of laughter overtook the table.

Staring up at my ceiling, I could not fall asleep. I had tried everything. A warm bath, turning off all of the lights and sounds, and even a warm glass of milk. Nothing was working. Bundled under my blanket, I was happy to be safe from the frosty air nipping away at my nose.

The building’s air conditioning was broken and had done nothing but blow freezing cold air. I had pulled out my space heater but it was not very helpful. The vent was right above me and blasting on full force.

Rolling over, I finally gave in and picked up my phone from the charger. I was going crazy just laying here. Scrolling, I replied to a message from Kendall before finding Namjoon’s contact. He had gone out of town yesterday to visit his family in Maine. His parents retired there and his sister was in town from New Zealand.

Glancing at the time, I second guessed myself. He could be sleeping, but I knew his sleep schedule was even worse than mine was. He had afternoon classes and late night projects he did with his friends. They were beginning to plan their summer trip for the year, and it bothered me how much I felt jealous of him. Namjoon would have another four years after this when he came back for his doctorate. I outgrew this place in just six months. The thought bothered me far more than it should have.

Me: Hey

It was still hard to decide what I truly wanted. While this part of me wanted to go off on an adventure, another loved the security that came along with Harvard. I knew everyone, taught plenty, and would always have my once a year dig. The unknown was just that. I had such a ride these last twelve years, and it felt bittersweet to see them go by. Seeing my freshman dorm for the first time felt like yesterday.

Joon: You should be sleeping

Joon: You have a morning class to teach, Ms.Studious

I laughed quietly. 

Out of everything I would miss about this place, Namjoon was quickly making his way to the top of the list. I had already had security in my friendships. They would forever be constants in my life. I knew wherever I went that they would always be there. I could visit in the winter and they would fly out in the summer. We would always find each other.

Namjoon was a different sort. We were still navigating the waters of our relationship. I knew we were more than friends, but no moves had been made to become more than that. No kisses, or hugs, or hand holding. There was no goal or finish line in sight. Come May he could decide that he was not willing to put up with me anymore, and it still felt too unstable to talk about it with him. What would he want?

Me: It’s too cold and I can’t sleep

The reply was quick.

Joon: They still haven’t fixed that?

Me: Nope

Me: Apparently my room is the worst. Jungkook said his place barely felt any different and yours was already broken to begin with. This sucks.

Shivering again, I grumbled to myself. I hated this complex. I was the most excited about moving out and getting something nicer. I never bothered while I was enrolled since the rent was cheap and it was something affordable. I could pay rent and still stash away money- something that could not be said for anywhere else in Massachusetts. 

Joon: You could sleep at my place

I smiled. He had offered his apartment the day he left, but I refused. At the time it had not been as bad. I was also unsure why he was giving me permission in the first place. Was it as a friend? Or was it as a man who was interested in me? It was impossible to know and I was too anxious to ask. He was wearing these ripped denim jeans that were driving me crazy. 

Joon: I’d feel more comfortable if you did 

It was a rare occasion to have a sentimental comment made by the guy. Wanting to fish a bit more, I decided to bait him just a little. With a slick grin, I replied.

Me: 🤨

Joon: You have to teach a geology class at 7am

Joon: So you need to sleep

Joon: I’m doing this for your students, 203

I giggled.

Me: Whatever you say, 201

A call screen popped up before I could be happy with my reply. Namjoon never called me. Taking a few breaths, I calmed my excitement down before answering.

“Hello?”

“You calling me a liar?” Namjoon replied, his amusement evident.

Trying to relax, I snuggled deeper into my blankets.

“And if I am?” I bit back.

I always loved flirtatious and playful, and it was rare that Namjoon was neither one. He came on very strongly without ever laying a finger on me. It was a surprising turn on.

He laughed, “Oh, you’ll see.”

“Will I?” I drawled.

He was a fan of hard to get. I never pulled away too much, and it was only when we were messing around, but I could tell he liked it. I doubted anything I had done since the first note I’d left on his door excited him the same way.

“I’ll be home tomorrow, 203,” Namjoon warned. “Don’t start some shit you can’t finish.”

I scoffed, “You called me, 201.”

Namjoon chuckled. He sounded happier than usual. We talked about his family a lot, and I knew how much he loved them. His little sister was more distant than he was, but the two of them got along really well when she was home. He had to keep the peace so she and their mother would not argue. His father was a quiet man with a warm personality, while his mother was the polar opposite. He was much closer to her, but loved them both. I could imagine how glad he was to spend time with them.

“I miss you.”

Stunned, it took me a second to reply.

“I miss you, too.”

And I meant it. Things were way too quiet without him around. I had never noticed just how isolated I had really become over the last few years. Wren and I used to spend every day together until she met Jimin. Kendall took up her space for a while, but her job was very demanding of her time so that faded as well. Jungkook was too focused on school and drinking to care about anybody else. My colleagues did not really count as friends since I never saw them outside of school, and I was not someone who got out as much as I used to. The world was very quiet until he moved in.

“Sorry if that was weird,” He quickly interjected, mistaking my silence for something else.

“No, no,” I rushed, sitting up. “Just unexpected. I don’t mind it.”

The cold air hit me all at once, and I quickly plopped back down. Wrapping the blanket around me tightly, I accidently let out a rush of air. My teeth began chattering.

“I won’t tell you what to do,” Namjoon was calm again. “I have a spare key underneath the mat you’re free to use.”

“Thank you,” I replied even if I did not plan on using it.

My graduation date came back to my mind. I had applied to a few places already, but had either been turned down or lost interest in the position after the interview. The only place that was left were a few museums that I was very interested in. One in New York was the most exciting prospect, and I had heard they were going to need new staff this coming year, but no job postings had been listed yet. Dr.Lupon said she should get me the job if I really wanted it, but I was not sure how comfortable I felt about that either.

“What’s on your mind?” Namjoon spoke, breaking me away from my thoughts.

“Huh?” I replied, dumbly.

“I could hear you thinking through the phone,” He joked. “Maybe you’ll sleep if you get it off your chest.”

Humming, I thought about it for a minute. It was scary to talk about this stuff with Namjoon, I was worried about where it would hurt us, but I was also afraid of where we would go if I didn’t.

“I’m just nervous about graduation,” I finally settled on. I was not ready to dive into everything with him yet. “I’ve been here for so long, you know?”

“How long have you been at Harvard?” He asked, his voice light.

“12 years,” I replied. “I studied geology for my undergrad and masters. I have worked with the paleontology department since freshman year, though.”

“You’ll be fine,” He reasoned. “I’m sure you have plenty of options.”

I scoffed. He was not wrong, but it was never so black and white. At least, it never felt that way.

“What do you want to do?” I asked, switching subjects. “After graduation?”

If he caught on my deflection, he chose not to comment on it.

“I’d be happy to be a part of the research team here,” He replied. “I’m also a fan of a few museums.”

“But if you had it your way? What then?”

Namjoon chuckled, “Then I’d say a project manager.”

It was comforting to know that I had guessed his answer correctly. He was an adventurous guy who loved to dig. It made sense for him to want to be in charge of one. I was more of a lab rat than anything, but I enjoyed an excavation like anybody else.

“I want to be a museum director,” I admitted.

“Wow,” He said. “Didn’t expect that. Why?”

Settling further into my bed, I closed my eyes.

“My grandfather worked as a researcher at the Field Museum,” I started, a small smile on my face. I could see his face in my mind. “He was a paleoanthropologist, so closer to what you do, but he loved to take me on road trips in the summer to go fossil finding.”

I looked back on those memories fondly. We never really found much of anything except shark teeth out in Florida. I still had a huge collection of them back at my parent’s house. I was surprised they hadn’t thrown them out when I left, my dad always complained about how cluttered it all was, but I guessed they missed me more than they let on. My mom knew how much those teeth meant to me. 

During that time I thought I would grow up and be just like him, but once I turned 10 I changed my mind. My mom had been a helicopter parent that limited everything that I saw as a child. I ended up spending a weekend at grandpa’s house and he had taken me to see Ice Age in theaters. I was completely obsessed with Diego, and found myself buying books about the Ice Age. Then about dinosaurs. Our next trip was to Kelley’s Island, Ohio where I found some fossilized coral and a few crystals in the limestone. That was the summer I knew I wanted to be a paleontologist- little did I know I would spend more time looking at rocks than sabertooth tigers and mammoths.

“That sounds nice,” Namjoon replied. “All of my knowledge was from Indiana Jones.”

I laughed.

“Nothing wrong with that.”

I could picture a young Namjoon running around his house wearing a cowboy hat yelling about booby traps. It must have gone against the grain for his family. They were a lot like mine- working class and safe. His father was in business and his mother was a teacher. He and his sister were ambitious, and his rebellion rubbed off on her. Of course, they were proud of him, but it was difficult to convince them that he was making good choices. I frowned. I don’t think my family was all that proud of me outside of getting into Harvard.

“You know I think the world of you, right?” He suddenly asked, serious.

“Huh?”

“I’m just saying you don’t give yourself enough credit,” He clarified. “You really don’t have anything to worry about. Whatever you want you can get, so go for it.”

I bit my lip, “And if it doesn’t work out?”

He snorted, “Doubtful. Still, even if you don’t get something right out of school you’ll be just fine. You’ve made it this far.”

I heard him moving around and I realized that he was in bed. I wondered again if I had actually woken him up. He continued to talk.

“You should come with me this summer.”

Blinking, I didn’t know what he was talking about.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I was invited on an excavation to Africa with a group of us and a few professors. I can see if you could come along. They would probably love to have some additional eyes and ears.”

I yawned loudly. I was getting very tired. Namjoon chuckled but did not tease me about it the way he normally would. He was waiting for a response.

“You can ask,” I answered, excited by the prospect. “I’m always happy to go on a dig, and I’ve never been out of the country before.”

He laughed in disbelief.

“I’d grill you about that, but you’re exhausted. Get some sleep, 203.”

I hummed, tucking my blanket under my chin. The cold was still nipping at my body, but I was not as bothered by it as I had been. Talking had been a nice distraction. My eyes closed on their own accord, and I sighed content.

“You, too, 201,” I mumbled. “See you tomorrow?”

“I’ll be back around 6.”

“Day or night?” My voice was very quiet now.

“Night,” I could tell he was smiling. “Can I come over?”

I yawned again, “Sure. I’ll be in class until 8.”

“Night, Y/N.”

I grinned, “Night, Joon.”

I placed my phone beside my pillow and cracked open my eyes. I hung up before rolling over. I was asleep seconds later.

Checking my watch again, I smiled. I only had a few minutes left of lab work before I was free. Glancing over at Morgan, she was hunched over a microscope looking at some plants. I wondered how fun being a Paleobotanist could really be, but coming from studying rocks for eight years I guessed it was more exciting than that.

The lab was practically empty this evening. Not many of us took these night classes, but I loved them. I would just go to work right after I finished up and keep the momentum up for the next day. I was happy the shop was closed for the week due to repairs. It gave me some breathing room to focus on my thesis, and I would be able to go and see Namjoon.

Deciding to start putting my supplies away, put disposables on a metal trey and took out another to begin the process of putting away the fossil I was collecting data on. Tonight, instead of the tusk, I was asked to look at a new trilobite fossil casted in limestone. It was a smooth, easy, and quiet day of writing and sample taking. Bringing the fossil back to the museum’s storage room, I bumped into Dr.Lupon.

“Oh! Y/N,” She exclaimed, a large smile on her face. “I was just about to come looking for you.”

I nodded, “Nice to see you, Dr.Lupon. I was just putting away the trilobite from this morning.”

“Sure, sure,” She nodded, waving toward the room. “Go and do that then meet me back in my office. I have someone who wants to speak with you.”

And then she was whirling away, shouting out to some of the other students to let them know they should start cleaning up. Her long, white peacoat flared out behind her and her heels clicked loudly. I shook my head and went back to work. I could not think of a single person who would want to see me at this hour. 

After getting out of my lab gear, I messaged Namjoon to let him know I would be a little late to talk with my professor. Going to find Dr.Lupon proved easier than normal. She really was in her office. Normally, I would have to run all over the museum to find her.

“There she is,” Dr.Lupon smiled, gesturing me in. “Come on in, Y/N.”

Aside from Dr.Lupon sat two older men. One was bald, his skin tan and showing minimal signs of aging. The other had long, wavy, orange hair with thick strands of gray beginning to show. He had a full beard and wore thin, wire glasses. Both of them stood up to greet me. The bald man had a gentle, barely there handshake while the other’s was firm. I gave them both a tight-lipped smile and introduced myself.

“Dr.Christopher Jonas,” The bald man replied, a warm smile on his face.

“Dr.Alistair Moody,” The ginger said after with a thick, English accent. He did not seem as friendly, and reminded me of one of my former biology instructors. That guy was an asshole. “Pleasure to meet you, Dr.Y/L/N.”

I laughed nervously, “I’m not a doctor just yet, Dr.Moody.”

“You will be in a short few months.”

Dr.Jonas gestured to a third seat on their side of the desk. Dr.Lupon was sat comfortably in her seat. Walking over, I sat in the chair. Moody sat beside me and Jonas on the far left. Dr.Lupon gave me a cheeky wink before getting down to business.

“Well, Y/N,” She started. “One of Dr.Moody’s students asked if you would be interested in joining them on an excavation to Sudan and he arranged for a meeting.”

Looking over at Moody, I nodded politely. He was quick, no nonsense, and seemingly hopeful to have me on the team if he went to the trouble of setting up a meeting with Lupon. I knew many faculty members found her hard to work with due to how excentric she could be. I adored the bubbly blonde, and was eternally grateful for all she had done for my career. She believed in me the same way my grandfather had.

“Yes,” I nodded. “I told him that he could see if there was any more room for the trip.”

“We were surprised to hear you were interested at all,” Dr.Jonas spoke up. I guessed he would be another professor organizing everything. “You’re a very difficult woman to convince.”

I laughed. “Have you tried before?”

“Oh, yes,” He laughed, rolling his eyes playfully. “I took my wife’s last name when we got married. You knew me as Christopher Hamal at the time, and I think I emailed you so often you put me in your spam folder.”

Laughing out loud, I clutched my stomach. I remembered Mr.Hamal very well. He was still getting his doctorate and begged me to join his team for a trip to Somalia. Unfortunately, I was far too swamped with work and going through a large argument with my family. I was also not very interested in any archaeological digs since I would be stuck on rock duty. Now, however, rock duty sounded like more fun than nothing at all.

“I’m sorry about that,” I chuckled. “I didn’t mean to be rude. I admire your tenacity, but I was really busy and couldn’t find time to go for a winter trip.”

Jonas laughed, “I should have seen you in person, it might have gone over better. Besides, after reading all of your research papers from the time, I have to say I’m glad you stayed behind. They were fantastic.”

I smiled at the man. It seemed like everyone was trying to be sure I was locked in this time. I thought over the journey to Sudan and hoped he meant caves. There were so many beautiful cave paintings there, and I would love the chance to see them in person. Rock duty, or dig duty, was always fun when you got to see cool shit.

“Anyway,” Moody spared me a small grin. “We just wanted to confirm your interest. We are in desperate need of support staff for the first timers, and I believe you would be a great asset to our team.”

“Before you answer that,” Lupon interrupted me before I could speak. “I’ve volunteered both Morgan Dawson and three of my first year doctoral students to go as well. We will be taking a small tour of Africa, and I would expect for you to be there for both Sudan and the trip after.”

I nodded, “What will I be doing for the rest of the trip?”

Dr.Lupon smugly smiled, “You will be my assistant. Morgan is our data collector for this trip, and I want you to be the one making sure whatever we find is properly protected.”

I smiled brightly, “Ms.Dawson and I work well together.”

The three of them seemed pleased by my comment. Deciding to bring the meeting to a close, I looked at Dr.Moody.

“I’d love to join the team.”

Jonas clapped happily and quickly stood from his seat and leaned over the other man. I took his outstretched hand happily, the smile never leaving my face. He seemed to be more excited about my presence than I did.

“Wonderful news!” He laughed, his good mood infectious.

“Indeed,” Moody chimed in, his reactions more in line with a serious professional. Still, he offered me his hand. “I’ve heard great things about you, Dr.Y/L/N.”

I looked away bashfully. Dr.Lupon was over the moon, her brown eyes sparkling with delight. She and Jonas shared a handshake.

“Y/N’s a treat,” She gushed. Looking over at me, I could see a glint of mischief in her eye. Lupon was prone to meddling and I worried what she might say. “Christopher was the head field paleontologist at Glendive before he came to Harvard.”

Glendive was one of the largest dinosaur museums in America. Based out of Montana, I had gone twice with my grandfather during our summer trips, but it had never caught my eye outside of the fossils. Glendive had far more biblical roots than was normal for a museum, and their philosophy did not really match my own. Still, it was impressive for Jonas to be affiliated with them. It was not an easy task.

“That’s nice,” I smiled politely. 

“Where are you headed after graduation?” Dr.Moody asked.

Again, Dr.Lupon responded before I could. She was most definitely meddling, but for once it did not bother me. I was still excited about the good meeting. 

“She’s still looking.”

Dr.Moody looked at me confused. No doubt he was expecting something a bit more substantial. I knew Morgan was on her way to Berlin, many of his own students were more than likely already making their own future plans, and I was still stuck. It was strange in our line of work. If you had enough connections- anything could happen, and I had more than enough to get a job somewhere.

“What’s holding you back?” He asked, an eyebrow raised.

I shrugged, “I was hoping the Field Museum would have something, but unfortunately they’re fully staffed.”

Dr.Moody regarded me for a moment. I assumed he was sizing me up. I had a great reputation, my grades were impeccable, and my knowledge was useful. Truly, any museum I went to would be lucky to have me on staff. I was more of an asset than one might think. I was just being stubborn. I had no idea what I wanted.

“Well,” Moody said after a moment. “I doubt Glendive would scratch that itch for you. No offense, Jonas.”

“None taken,” He replied good-naturedly. “I know it’s not the place for everyone.”

“I’m a volunteer at the AMNH,” Moody continued without missing a beat. “They have a few openings for the invertebrate department. Apply.”

Blinking rapidly, I tried to calm my breathing. Field was my dream location, but the American Museum of Natural Science was almost untouchable. Their teams were huge, dedicated, and highly sought after. I hadn’t even gone on their site to see if they were hiring. I would be honored to get the job, but I was worried if my connection would make things unfair.

“Oh, Y/N!” Lupon exclaimed. “You should most definitely apply. You’d be such a great addition to their team. I remember working there back in the early 2000s and I adored it.”

I had completely forgotten about Dr.Lupon’s affiliation. I recall her saying she was in the vertebrae department in her early years. It had been before she went back to school for her doctorate here at Harvard. I smiled at her, hoping it conveyed that I knew exactly what she was doing.

“I’ll look into it,” I finally said to Moody. “I’ve always loved the AMNH.”

He nodded at me, a small smile on his face. I was hopeful by his pleased look. Maybe I could manage to score the job. 

“The museum is actually sponsoring the trip,” Jonas said. I had forgotten he was here. “I’m sure they’d be fine with you coming.”

Moody nodded, “The position I’m talking about is in the field. You’d also have to help with the research part of things, but I doubt you’d mind it all that much.”

I shook my head, “Not at all.”

We spoke for a few more minutes about some small details regarding the trip, and Jonas said he’d send me an email with all of the information attached. After giving him all of my contact information, I excused myself.

“I’ll have to thank Namjoon Kim for convincing you,” Jonas sighed.

“He’s never been afraid of putting himself out there,” Moody grinned. He was fond of my neighbor, and it warmed my heart. Namjoon had a way of doing that. “It’s his best quality.”

Dr.Lupon raised an eyebrow at me. The other two men were engrossed in their conversation. I shrugged my shoulders, but allowed a smile. Her eyes lit up in excitement. Dr.Lupon and I had grown rather close over the years, and her old age did not stop her from living like a 21-year-old model. My love life was a topic of conversation when we were alone, and I would have to talk with her about Namjoon at some point. It would not be in front of the two men.

“Well, thank you both again,” I announced. “It is late, however, and I have some plans for the evening. I’ll be taking my leave.”

The three of them bid me goodnight and safe travels. I left before I could get swallowed up in another conversation. Checking my phone, I winced when I looked at the time. I had been here for a lot longer than I realized. Pulling up Namjoon’s phone number, I pressed call.

“Hey,” He answered after a couple rings.

“I’m so sorry,” I rushed, pushing open the doors to get outside. “I got called into a meeting and couldn’t leave.”

He hummed, obviously not upset.

“What was the meeting about?”

I unlocked my bike from the bike rack and placed Namjoon on speakerphone. I secured my helmet in place before responding.

“That Sudan excavation. Dr.Moody and Jonas just wanted to iron out details, and of course, my professor weaseled her way into the project.”

He laughed, “What’s the catch, then?”

I smiled, kicking off. I had put my phone on the holder I installed on my handlebars. 

“I’ll only be in Sudan for 4 weeks instead of the three months,” I pouted. “I’ll be in Zambia and Tanzania after. Then, I think we’ll swing by the Karoo Basin. Dr.Lupon hasn’t made that official just yet.”

I cycled quickly, but not enough to hinder my ability to talk. I think he was perfectly fine with my late night, but I still felt guilty about leaving him hanging. I was so excited to see him earlier, but now it felt like I was walking into an argument. My mother hated tardiness. I bit my lip. Namjoon was nothing like her, I reasoned. In fact, my mom would never, ever approve of him if she knew him on a personal level. She’d call him a pig, dim-witted, know-it-all, and rant and rave about his baggy clothes. I relaxed. There was no way he would ever act like her.

“Why would she want to?” He asked. 

I turned onto my street.

“The Karoo Basin is one of the best spots for digging. It’s the reason we know as much about the mass extinction as we do. It’s a hard spot to pass up- even if it’s just a quick history lesson and taking pictures.”

I pulled up to the bike rack out front. I parked quickly, locked it up, and threw my helmet into the basket on the front. Taking my phone off the holder, I pressed it to my ear now.

“I just got home,” I heard Namjoon getting out of bed on the other side and his door opening. I smiled. “I’ll see you in a second.”

“I’ll be here.”

Hanging up, I stuffed my phone into my pocket. I only made it a few steps before I heard a familiar voice call my name. Stiffening, I almost made a run for it, but I didn’t know if that would only make things work. I decided to be nice, I was good at that, but firm. 

Taehyung jogged up to me, slightly winded. He looked normal, like he never made me uncomfortable, and even placed a hand on my shoulder to steady himself. He braced his knee with the other. I was uncomfortable immediately, but found myself frozen. 

“I’ve been trying to run into you,” He finally said, standing up. He did not move his hand.

“Why’d you block me?” He demanded, the friendly tone never leaving his voice.

Still, I was unsettled. Everything about his demeanor said he was far from calm and friendly. His shoulders were tense, his grip on my shoulder ever so slightly tighter than it should be, and the smile on his face almost seemed painted on. It was too wide, too joyful, and showed too many teeth for someone who had been rejected.

I shrugged my shoulders to see what he would do. His grip only got tighter. Laughing awkwardly, I then took a step away from him. His hand loosened but did not move all the way. Growing more uncomfortable, I shuffled.

“I told you,” I started, my voice gentle and unsure. “You were making me uncomfortable. You still are.”

Taehyung sighed, and I swore it sounded frustrated, but the openness in his expression said anything but. In fact, he looked heartbroken. Shifting awkwardly, I tried again to remove his hand. He let me go this time, but took a few steps closer to me. I took one back. He took another.

“I just like you so much,” He said, anguished. “I didn’t mean to come off like that. I swear! I just wanted to see your face.”

I didn’t believe him, but I thought I was being too hard on him. Maybe, if I just acted nicely he would go away and I could see Namjoon. He was probably wondering where I was. I gave Taehyung a weak smile.

“No, I understand, " I said, my voice hollow even to my own ears. “I, uh, I appreciate that.”

Taehyung seemed to pounce now. The sadness in his eyes was gone and instantly replaced with excitement. It was unnerving and I took another step back. He followed me again. I wanted him to go away.

“So, can we still go out?” He asked, the happiness in his voice clearly fake. Or was it? I didn’t know him well enough to say yes or no. I was growing angry with the back and forth my mind kept doing. “We can go right now, if you want. There’s a taco place that’s open a few blocks over.”

I wanted to vomit at the thought of going to Namjoon and I’s spot with anyone else. Especially Taehyung. My skin crawled at the thought of being alone with him. Seeing him tonight put a lot in perspective for me. How much of our friendly relationship had been for show? When he asked me out, did he think I would do whatever he asked without question? Whatever the case was, I felt my own anger bubbling. He was so see through he could have been made of glass.

“Actually-”

“Hey!”

My heart leapt. Frantically, I looked for Namjoon. He was a few feet away, his mouth set into a hard line, and coming closer. Smiling in relief, I quickly backed away from Taehyung and started walking closer to the dark-haired man. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder protectively.

Taehyung’s happy face was gone just as quickly as the happy one. He openly glared at Namjoon, his eyes dark. This only seemed to egg Namjoon on, and he simply pulled me closer to him.

“Didn’t they tell you approaching women at night is a bad idea?” Namjoon asked.

Taehyung's scowl deepend. “I’m her friend, dude. Who the fuck are you?”

I frowned. No, we were not friends. I never considered him one either. He was starting to scare me. Namjoon was unbothered.

“Her boyfriend,” He shot back. “So, I’ll have to say no to those tacos.”

Pulling me away, Namjoon was at ease as we walked away from Taehyung. I had to fight the urge to look back at him. I was worried about who I would see this time. 

He waited until we were going upstairs to ask me about the situation. I explained that it had been Taehyung, the guy who I had to block a few weeks ago, and how it had been the first time I’d seen him since. 

“He was weird tonight,” I admitted, unlocking my door. “Really weird, actually.”

Namjoon hummed but said nothing more. Wanting to brighten the mood, I immediately took my jacket off once we got inside. Throwing it on my bed, I turned and hugged Namjoon tightly. I could feel the tension leave his shoulders immediately and his arms wrapped around my waist. Placing a gentle kiss to the top of my head, he sighed happily.

“I’m happy to see you,” He said.

And with that, Taehyung was removed from my mind.

Looking over at Namjoon, I found it harder and harder to concentrate. The two of us had been at the library for two hours, and each time I looked over my books, my will to study dwindled.

He looked nice today. Nicer than I was used to seeing him. He had a job interview this morning, something that he would start once we were back from the excavation, and he did not have the time to go home and change afterwards. He said he did not want to be late to our study session. I was doubtful.

I knew he knew how his black slacks hugged his thighs, accentuating the muscles there, and highlighting how long his legs were. It was like they never stopped. Eyeing his belt, the thoughts of him taking it off ruined my concentration again. I heard him chuckle, but I still refused to acknowledge just how worked up I was.

Things were still slowly getting more heated between the two of us since the night I had run into Taehyung. Soft forehead kisses were a commonplace now, and everyone he introduced me to knew me as his girlfriend. We had not, however, gone much further than that.

It was starting to drive me insane. Namjoon had a habit of gently touching me whenever we were alone. Innocent, sweet, and caste touches that left me starved for his attention. I wondered if he thought we needed more time, but I found that hard to believe as well. Something else was going through his head, and I was trying my best to be patient.

Taking another quick look at him, I admired how tightly the deep purple button up strained against his chest. The top three buttons were open, exposing some of his tanned chest and I worked very hard to keep my breathing in check. He was so pretty it hurt.

Namjoon laughed again. I quickly looked back at my book. He found my ogling funny. I swore I saw his chest puff from my seat, and I bit my lip to suppress my growing smile. He was enjoying himself.

“Take a picture,” He said after catching me again. “It’ll last longer.”

Closing my book, I placed it on the table and grinned.

“You look nice.”

Namjoon smiled, his dimples on full display. He enjoyed compliments more than Jimin, something that I never thought I would say. I wanted to introduce them eventually. I knew they would get along, and my friends have been badgering me about meeting my “mystery man.” Wren knew him, but she went along with Kendall’s whining.

“You look better,” He shot back, wiggling his eyebrows.

I scoffed. He always did that. I made a show of looking over my old tracksuit and raised an eyebrow. He chuckled, keeping his voice down.

“Oh, yeah, definitely better.”

I rolled my eyes. 

“You’re impossible.”

I started putting my books away, Namjoon joining without asking. He always followed my lead. Startled, I realized that we were stuck because of me. Without saying a word, he had put every ball in my court to see where I would throw it. It was not until after my late night texts that he knew he could do the same to me. Hugs had also been initiated by me. Even our first conversation, even if they were through notes, had been all me. The only time he had pushed was after he thought long and hard about it. Only when I failed to push further did he see how far he could go. Looking at him now, I knew that he would do whatever I wanted.

What did I want?

“Where are we going, 201?” He asked, his eyes bright.

A wave of calm washed over me as I regarded him. He truly was the kindest man I had ever met. The echo of a woman screaming for him only made me smile harder. He was as kind as he was mean, and I was growing curious about the other side of him. Very, very curious.

“How do you feel about meeting some friends of mine?” I asked.

He nodded, “Sounds like fun. You said I already know one of them, yeah?”

We started walking downstairs. We had set up at the top floor of the library in a far off corner. I placed my finger over my mouth as we walked. There were a lot of students here studying and I did not want to get on the librarian’s bad side. He was known for kicking people out over the pettiest things. I responded once we were outside.

“Wren Wu,” I replied.

“Oh!” He exclaimed, excited. “She’s the French-Chinese girl, right?”

Laughing, I nodded.

“That’s the one.”

Wren was a minority in her field. Mostly surrounded by white men it did not surprise me that Namjoon would remember her Ethnicity more than anything else. It was rare to see a woman of color at all, but a Chinese woman who could speak Cantonese and French was even rarer.

Wren had told me the two of them tended to stick together on their excavations. There was an Egyptian man and a woman from Nigeria that she was also close with. Apparently, they felt far more comfortable with one another than anyone else. I knew Wren was chased a lot by the men she worked with and took great pleasure in saying she was married. 

“She’s always fun,” Namjoon laughed, remembering something. “I’d love to meet her outside of work.”

“You’ll also meet her husband,” I said, looking for Namjoon’s car. “You’ll like him a lot. He was a Classics major, and got his Ph.D. two years ago. He’s teaching at an all boy’s school now.”

Finding the silver Volvo was easy enough, and I pointed in its direction. Namjoon clicked his lock just to be sure. The headlights flashed. 

“Sounds stuffy,” He admitted.

I laughed, “Jimin’s the furthest thing from stuffy. He’s more reserved now, but back in the day he was an absolute terror.”

I slid into the passenger seat with ease. Namjoon quickly started the car and turned the heating on. It had started snowing a few days ago and the wind was horrible. I placed my hands in front of the vent to warm up. He shot me a glare as he pulled out. He had been upset that I forgot to wear gloves. I smiled sheepishly back.

“Who else will be there?” He asked, his interest growing.

“Kendall and Jungkook,” I said, not realizing that I made them sound like a couple before it was out of my mouth. I ignored it and kept going. “Maybe Hoseok if he’s not working. Jimin’s cousin, Yoongi, always shows up to our get-togethers.”

“Who are they?”

Namjoon hated driving in silence, and hated putting on music to fill it up even more. He always thought there was something to talk about- even if there wasn’t. I relaxed into my seat and began talking.

“Kendall’s a paramedic. I met her through Wren. Jungkook has been my best friend since freshman year and is in law school. Hoseok is a physician at Children’s Hospital, and Yoongi is a real estate agent. They were roommates for years, and always threw Christmas parties. We met after Wren invited me to one when she and Jimin started dating.”

That had been a rough year. I had been seeing this guy for a few months, and Jenna ended up getting in his head. He broke up with me over text and promptly blocked me soon after. Wren refused to let me sulk, and my dad was giving me the silent treatment so I did not go home. After dragging me out, I was surprised at how much fun I had. Hoseok and I even kissed under the mistletoe, but I chose not to tell Namjoon about that. We were tipsy off the eggnog and never spoke about it again.

“When are you supposed to see them?” He asked, turning into our apartment parking lot.

I shrugged, “I’ll call Wren once I get inside to see.”

He pulled up to the stairs. He had class in a few minutes, but insisted on dropping me off. After Taehyung he was more cautious about leaving me alone. I appreciated it but I did not think it was really necessary.

“I’ll see you in a bit,” He looked over at me and smiled.

As much as I did not want to leave the car, I knew I had to. With a wave and a kiss on his cheek, I got out and made my way upstairs. The cold nipped at my skin and I rushed to get to my door. I saw a small Amazon box sitting out front with my mother’s name on it and sighed. She had been very disappointed when I told her I would be staying on campus for Christman break. Again. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that dad was the only reason I did not want to go back.

I made the trip for Thanksgiving, but it was not long after I got there that my dad picked a fight with me. My mom and I had come to an understanding years ago already, and I could tell that she was making an effort to respect my decisions. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for my dad. When I told him that I would only move back to Chicago if I got a job at Field, he was livid and demanded to know why I treated them so badly. I ended up staying at my uncle’s house for the rest of my trip, and only called my mom to tell her “Happy Thanksgiving.” I did not want to deal with it for Christmas either.

Slipping inside, I was happy that the heating was fixed. It was still weak and practically room temperature, but it was much better than cold air blasting. I turned on my space heater and got a pair of scissors from the kitchen.

Opening the box, I smiled sadly. Inside was a small set of chisels and a brand new hammer. A pair of gloves as well as a small journal were underneath them. She never really knew what to buy me, not sure how I would react to things, but always tried. This was the first time she ever bought me excavation gear. 

Putting the box away under my bed, I knew I should call her first and then get in touch with Wren. I would need them to pick me up. Preparing myself, I pressed the call button and waited. No amount of breathing or calming exercises helped. She picked up on the third ring and I nearly cried. I loved her but it was hard to be in her life. I heard a man’s voice in the background, and nearly hung up. Why did he have to be home?

“Hello?” 

I took a deep breath and forced a smile to my face. That helped. Pretending helped.

“Hey mom,” I said, proud of how strong it sounded. 

“Oh!” I could hear her joy and it nearly brought me to my knees. I heard my dad ask who it was and she said my name. He was very quiet and I think I heard something slam. I closed my eyes and hung my head. “It’s so nice to hear your voice. Did you change your mind about Christmas?”

Sniffling, I wiped the tears from my cheeks. With great effort, I brought the smile back. I doubt she would ever be able to tell when something was wrong with me. She had never been the most aware mother despite her best efforts.

“No,” I replied. “I actually got something in the mail from you.”

“From me?” She was confused. I was confused. “I didn’t send you anything.”

Dragging the box back out, I reread the name on the package and confirmed that it was for sure her. She was very adamant that she had never sent me anything, but maybe it was her sister. They both used the same Amazon account. I agreed with her but did not believe it for a second. Aunt Halle would have given me romance books and expensive chocolates. There was only one other person who would send me something like this, and I knew I would have to talk to him.

“Hey mom?” I interrupted her story about her Bingo night.

“Yes?” She asked, oblivious to the way my voice wobbled.

“Can you put dad on the phone?”

She went very quiet. She hated out fights more than anybody, and I always felt awful for her. Forever stuck in the middle without any guidance on who to choose. I knew she agreed with me, I knew that she just wanted me to be happy, and I knew that she knew he always started the fights. But I also knew that she hated me being so far away, she hated how different we were, and she hated that I had made everything so difficult. If I had just did what they wanted me to do then we would still be a family, but I couldn’t leave things alone. I was too much like my grandfather.

“I’ll go get him,” She finally replied, voice soft as a feather.

It took a few minutes, and I heard their hushed anger through the other side. He did not want to talk to me. I looked at the box and steadied myself. No, he obviously did want to talk to me, but he was a prideful man. He was not used to me being disagreeable, and had a hard time looking at me like a grown woman. I repeated the mantra in my head until he came to the phone.

“Y/N,” He greeted me, apprehensive and hesitant. “What do you need to talk with me about?”

I knew he loved me, I knew he adored me, and I knew he truly thought he was doing the right thing. That did not make the hurt go away. A fresh set of tears ran down my cheeks at the sound of his voice. He had been talking to me like that since I turned 16. 

“I got the package,” I replied, just as closed off and cold.

We went around and around each time.

He cleared his throat. “Good.”

“Yeah.”

I took a breath and tried once again to calm myself. This should not be this hard, but it was. I wiped my face and focused on the heavy breathing on the other side of the phone. He was just as bad as I was. We were both stubborn. It almost made me laugh.

“Come home for Christmas,” He all but begged, his voice much softer now. “Your mother misses you.”

I shook my head in defeat, “I know she does.”

We both knew what I wanted him to say. 

“Think about it,” He urged, not giving in.

I always had a hard time accepting this side of my dad. When I was a girl, he was loving. He would always humor me, and he always took the time out of his day to answer whatever stupid questions I asked him. For every “why” I asked my dad would always find an answer. Even if it was “I don’t know” he would give me that. Things changed as I did, and I never really knew why. Kendall said it was normal for parents to have a difficult time with their children growing up, but she had a completely different family from mine. She was raised by a single mother who only learned to love her more with each passing year. My parents mourned the child they always wanted that I could never give them.

“Dad,” I sighed. “Why did you send me something?”

He sighed, defeated. I hoped we could get somewhere now. Heavy sighs usually meant he was tired of licking his wounds and wanted me to lick them for him.

“I miss you,” He finally admitted. “I wanted you to know that I was sorry, and I want you to visit more. I’m sorry about Thanksgiving, Y/N.”

And I cried.

“I’m sorry, too,” I sobbed. “I shouldn’t have run out like that.”

I heard quiet cries from him now, and I huffed. My dad was such a sensitive person. He was one of those people who cried during movies and donated to animal shelters. The only time his horns showed was for me, and I always made sure ours locked. Now, though, neither one of us wanted to fight.

I sniffled, “I’ll come home, dad. Okay?”

He cried harder, “Please. I already have a ticket and everything. Just please come home.”

“I’ll be there.”

We spoke for a few minutes, mostly making sure that I was actually going to go home and me reassuring him that I would. He told me he had to get back to work and hung up. It was Saturday, and even if he had paperwork to do, my father never did anything outside of work hours. He just needed to calm himself down. 

I wasted no time calling Wren. I had sucked up my mood enough to make it through the brief phone call. She was excited, more so than usual, and immediately agreed to having dinner at her house. After interrogating me about things that Namjoon would want, and me reassuring her that he would eat anything she made him, we hung up.

Me: Wren invited us to dinner at her house

Me: What time will you be finished today?

I had to wait a few minutes for a response, but it helped me catch my breath. I was upset at myself for caving so easily, but I really wanted to make up with him. I wanted things to work the best they could. Thinking about my dad now, I hoped I would get the chance to tell him about Namjoon when I got home. That would help the both of them feel better about me being far away, and my mother would be excited to tell her friends at Bingo. It was something she knew about, and other people would be able to talk with her about. I smiled at the mental image.

Joon: I’ll be finished up at 5 today. We can leave at 6 so I can shower and change

I frowned, thinking about the nice outfit from today. Why would he need to change? He looked yummy.

Me: But you look nice already

Joon: Not too dressed up?

I pursed my lips. Quickly texting Wren, I asked her what the dress code was. I was already underdressed for these things, but the thought of Namjoon in anything but that purple shirt was painful. He just looked too damn fine.

Wren: It’s always been dressy casual. You’re the only person who shows up in sweats. Why?

I laughed.

Me: Joon wanted to know

Wren: I like him more and more

Texting Namjoon back, he said he still wanted to shower and change, but he would keep that in mind. Pouting, I decided to kill time by taking a shower myself. I could figure out clothes once I was out. Putting the space heater on a higher heat, I hoped the room would be warm enough to keep my teeth from chattering when I got out.

I put on my shower speaker and started getting the water hot. I had been going through a nostalgia run recently, and had made an R&B playlist. My mom always listened to it when she cleaned the house. Keisha Cole started singing and I sang along as I got undressed. I lost track of time as I danced and sang happily, swaying my hips with my eyes closed.

“I might as well have cheated on you,” I sang loudly, finally turning the water off. “As much as you accused me of cheating.”

Taking the speaker with me, I wrapped my towel around my body and went into the main room. I went to my dresser and began digging through it to find something to wear. Knowing Namjoon would be there I wanted to put in more effort than normal. I refused to be that person in the relationship, especially if he was going to put in effort as well.

“I’m not scared of the lions, and tiger, and bears,” I sang along with Jazmine Sullivan. Fearless was my favorite album when I was in middle school. I scoffed at how naive I had been then. “I’m not scared to perform at a sold out affair, but I’m scared of loving you.”

My phone chimed.

Wren: Does he like seafood?

Me: That’s the only thing that’s iffy

Wren: Will it offend him?

I huffed.

Me: No 

Me: He just won’t eat it but everyone else will

Wren: KK

She was stressed about this way too much. I put my phone on its charger and went back to looking for something to wear. I did not own too many dressy things. I wore business casual when I was teaching, and I owned plenty of boring lecture outfits, but I knew it was not what Wren had in mind. Going to the bottom drawer, I found a pair of loose, beige, linen pants. Trying them on, I was happy with how comfortable they were. Quickly matching it with a black turtleneck, I tucked the shirt in and adjusted it so it looked more cohesive. It was too icy outside for heels, so Wren would just have to be happy with my snow boots. We would not be wearing them inside anyway. With my outfit ready, I began doing my makeup and hair.

I was ready at 5:30, music still blasting while I took my time deciding on accessories. I was not going to wear them, but since I had time I thought a pair of earrings would be nice. I sang along to Destiny’s Child and danced around while I waited. I knew Namjoon would be able to hear me, but it only seemed to spur me. I wanted him to hear me. In fact, I wanted him to come over here and shut me up himself.

Surprised by my thoughts, I giggled nervously and dived on my bed to call Kendall. The sexual tension was really starting to make me lose my mind, and I knew she would be helpful. Wren would be too busy squealing and would have made the entire night about getting me laid. She was never the subtle type, either. 

“Yo,” She answered, her voice echoing.

I was on speaker. Great.

“You alone?” I asked, listening for Namjoon.

His shower was still running.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

Sighing, I almost lost my nerve. Things were going slow, insanely slow actually, but there was nothing wrong with it. Namjoon seemed happy and content, but I knew I wasn’t. I was hoping to move things along a bit more.

“How does one seduce their neighbor?” I asked, keeping my tone lighthearted.

Kendall laughed loudly and I giggled with her. This was something she expected from me by now. We always talked sex and romance with one another. Kendall was happy that I gave good advice about matters of the heart, and I was never disappointed with her sex tips. 

“Well, yours is a freak,” She joked, “So, I think you have a bit of an advantage.”

“He’s barely touched me,” I admitted, biting my lip.

The water was still running.

“Really?” Kendall seemed surprised. “Does he think you’re a virgin?”

I choked on my own spit. I had never even considered that. Could he think that? Even if he didn’t think I was a virgin, he could think I was very inexperienced. He would not be completely wrong, I hated to admit, but it still felt embarrassing to think about. Trying not to rush to conclusions, I told Kendall we had never talked about that but I doubted he thought that.

“Does he know you want to have sex?” She asked this time.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I haven’t said yes or no. We’ve never even gotten in a position for that to come up.”

Kendall huffed and I knew she was rolling her eyes at me. She always looked at me like I was an idiot when we talked about this stuff. According to her, I was too timid and uncomfortable to get what I wanted. I needed to work on that. I just had no idea where to begin.

“The guy sounds like he operates like me,” She had a hard time not coming off as a bitch, but I knew it was just the tone of her voice more than anything. She was very blunt and to the point, which could be off putting, but I appreciated it. “He’s probably just waiting for you to figure out what you want before he jumps on you. Probably doesn’t want to scare you away.”

I sighed, “He’s always waiting for me to make moves. I just don’t know how to initiate some of this shit.”

“Then tell him that.”

The water was turned off. 

“I have to go,” I said, keeping my voice down. “He’s out the shower and he’ll be able to hear me through the walls.”

Kendall chuckled, her voice much closer to the speaker now.

“See you later.”

Hanging up, I went back to the bathroom and began touching things up to kill time. The music still played but I was distracted. At 6 I turned everything off and slipped into my boots. I chose my black coat to wear for the ride over and went outside. Locking up, I leaned against the railings while I waited for Namjoon to come outside.

The snow had stopped falling, but I could make out patches of ice on the ground. I was glad I picked the practical shoes. I thought about Namjoon seeing me in heels and my stomach got warm. He seemed like the type who liked to keep them on. I shook my head and sighed. I needed to get a grip.

I thought again about what I might want tonight. We hadn’t even kissed yet, something that bothered me, and I knew Kendall’s words held some truth. I was the one holding everything back. I remembered how often Namjoon had sex before and frowned. He was insatiable. Was he just not that interested in me? Had he been more attracted to those women? Was he afraid of us getting too close? Maybe he thought I would be uncomfortable with his desires. Whatever the case, it was really starting to eat away at me.

“Have you been out here long?”

I jumped, quickly turning around. Eyes widening, I drank in Namjoon’s appearance with hungry eyes. He wore a similar pair of black trousers from earlier, but this time he was wearing a black shirt. I admired the heavy, brown plaid overcoat he wore and wondered if it was as warm as it looked. A pair of black leather gloves hugged his large hands tightly and I knew they were too tight. His eyes trained on my hands and a scowl was on his face. I had forgotten my gloves again.

“No,” I winced at how airy my voice was. “Just a couple minutes.”

Namjoon shook his head at me fondly, his hair slicked back and perfectly laid. It was new and I loved it. I could not tell if he was happy with how I looked, but I saw his eyes appraising me with fondness. Reaching into one of the pockets on his coat he handed me a black ball. I snorted. 

“You got me gloves?” I playfully mocked, slipping them on.

He smiled, “My mom would be disappointed in me if you were cold.”

We started walking together, our bodies close enough to touch, and I revealed the warmth that radiated from his body. Namjoon reached for my hand. I leaned closer to him and cursed having to let him go. The stairs were too narrow for us to stay like this.

“Your mom sounds a lot like Jimin,” I commented as we descended.

Namjoon laughed.

“He’s a stickler about the cold, too?”

I nodded, “Worse. Wren can’t leave the house without at least 6 layers at this time of the year.”

The drive was pleasant. Namjoon talked about his classes and the new job he was hoping to get. It would be a Field Director position at a company here in Boston. I had high hopes even if he was nervous. He was worried about more experienced people applying, but I tried to reassure him that a Ph.D did not replace field experience- something that he had plenty of. He was not sold, but I had a feeling he would get to the second round of interviews.

“Where do I turn?” He asked.

I pointed left, making sure to point out the dark side street their house was on. You would miss it if you did not know it was there. Wren loved their hidden away cul-de-sac, and I knew Jimin was proud of their home. He had grown up in a rough part of town in a small, one-story house that was falling apart when they bought it. Now he lived in one of the nicest homes in their neighborhood. He was even able to pay for his parent’s home to be renovated.

“It’s the big brick house at the end of the street,” I mumbled.

Namjoon whistled, “Nice place.”

I nodded, “They worked hard for this house. Wren worked two jobs and Jimin’s book about myths was flying off the shelves around the time it was on the market. It wasn’t always this nice, but the private school pays him extremely well so they’ve been fixing it up for the last three years.”

“Damn,” He whispered. “They did a really nice job.”

I giggled, “Yoongi’s got all the connections.”

Kendall and Yoongi were already here, their cars parked out front on the curb. Hoseok’s Pris was in the driveway, and I pointed it out to Namjoon. I was hopeful about the night. I knew he would get along with everyone, but I had a sneaking suspicion that Hoseok would be the highlight. Jimin could wax poetry, and Yoongi would drink him under the table, but Hoseok was personable and funny. They reminded me of one another in a way. 

Namjoon kept looking around, his eyes wide as he took in the nice houses around us. I smiled at him. He was very sweet. 

“Wren’s family was a big help,” I conceded. “They’re very well off and gave them a good bit of the money for the down payment.”

This seemed to ease him. His family had a difficult time when they first moved to America, and his father had to go back to school even though he had been an engineer for ten years in Korea. Something like this would have been far too much for his little family, and I had to agree with them. I was happy for my friends, but I was still uncomfortable when I saw it for the first time. I had even likened it to a mansion.

“Y/N!” Wren called out from the front door.

She must have been looking out of the window for us. I smiled at her and waved. Taking Namjoon’s hand, I jogged to the front door. Wren pulled me into a tight hug and I chuckled at her excitement. She was practically bouncing. It was rare for me to bring a guy home.

“You look so cute,” She gushed, happy with my outfit. 

She was on Namjoon quickly after.

“Hey Kim,” Her smile was splitting her face in half now, and I wondered if her cheeks hurt. “I’m so happy you came.”

Namjoon returned her hug. With a polite smile and reserved squeeze of her shoulder, he was trying to hide his uncomfortable shifting. He did not like being grabbed without permission- it was something we had spoken about during one of our first dates. He exhaled in relief once she walked away from him and back into the house. She had not stopped talking since she came outside. 

Taking our shoes off, I brought Namjoon over to the spare slipper rack in the small entryway. He looked for ones that were close to his size, but I could not tell if he was having any luck. Jimin had small feet, but maybe one of the others had big enough feet to make up for it. Wren had bought Kendall and I our own pairs for the housewarming party so I had no trouble finding them. Namjoon seemed to find ones that would work and put them on. 

“Jimin’s excited about having you over,” Wren was standing a few feet away still rambling. “He’s not able to talk with the other guys about his interests. You’re Heaven sent.”

I gave my friend a pointed look. She completely ignored me, flipping her ponytail in indignation, and continued to talk about how happy everyone was to see my date. Glancing at Namjoon I was happy to see he was relaxing a bit more. He was still tense, probably from the hug, and I wished to reach out to him. I was worried Wren would physically combust if I had.

“Come on,” She gestured overdramatically, already walking away. “Everyone’s in the kitchen.”

Namjoon stuck close to my side, his nervousness apparent to me. I doubted anyone else would be able to pick up on his too straight posture. Reaching out, I gently squeezed his arm and tried to reassure him with a smile. He grinned back at me, placing his hand over mine. Walking into the kitchen, I put a bit of distance between us to avoid Kendall and her side comments. Especially after the phone call from earlier. 

The kitchen was loud and in full-swing. The entire room smelled incredible and I was excited for dinner later. Sniffing, I could pick out the distinct smell of roasting meat and licked my lips. Knowing Wren, it was probably a duck. 

“Hey guys!” Jimin called out, eager. He was in an abnormally great mood this evening and quickly scooped me into a warm embrace. I hugged him back just as fiercely. Jimin was one of my good friends and I was hopeful he would get along with Namjoon. “It’s so good to see you.”

Stepping away from him, I took Namjoon’s hand in mine and pulled him closer. The two of them introduced themselves and shared a handshake. Namjoon did not pull his hand away from mine. Looking around, I waved to everyone else. They were all surrounding the large island in the middle of the room, large glasses of wine in their hands. Each of them were looking at Namjoon with intense interest and I shot them a glare.

“Come,” Jimin urged, “Make yourself comfortable. Wine?”

“That would be nice. Thank you,” Namjoon seemed to relax a bit at the warm welcome.

Kendall called me over, her patience ran out, and I looked back at Namjoon. He waved me off letting go of my hand. I nodded, completely unconvinced, and he smiled at me. As if to prove a point, he walked away from me first. 

“What are we having?” He asked Jimin.

“Wren made duck with a few side dishes,” The teacher replied easily, already starting to introduce him to Yoongi and Hoseok.

I found my place with the girls and got caught up with their conversation. As always, I was subject to their gossiping, but I couldn’t help my giggles. Kendall leaned into me, her laughter joining my own. I had always heard the strangest stories from the two of them. My favorites were Kendall’s ER tales. My favorite was the time she had to escort a man from one hospital to another due to his medical condition. When she got there he was in the ceiling and she had to help the nurses get him down. I laughed harder thinking about it.

I felt the tension I had no idea I was carrying melt. Tonight was going to be fun. Looking over my shoulder, I found Namjoon already looking at me. He looked so soft in the warm lights, and I had the urge to go to him. I stopped myself when Jimin got his attention once more. They were talking about Percy Jackson, which brought a smile to my face. Yes, tonight would be just fine.

“Thanks for inviting me,” Namjoon shook Jimin’s hand. He was at ease now, not a single bit of tension in him at all. I could smell the wine Kendall had spilled hanging in the air. It had gotten in his lap, but he seemed unbothered. “I had a wonderful time and dinner was delicious.”

Wren was flushed from the alcohol, and her eyes shined with pleasure from the compliment. She was used to our praises but after stressing all day she was glad things worked out. She was practically bouncing when Namjoon asked for her bitter melon recipe. I gave both of them hugs. Words didn’t need to be said- they knew how I felt.

“You’re welcome anytime,” Wren replied.

“Think about tennis, okay?” Jimin reminded him, shaking his hand again.

Hoseok and Jimin went to tennis once a week, but the doctor was busier than normal nowadays since the other urologist on staff retired. With the influx of new patients he had little free-time. Namjoon seemed interested in joining the pair, and Jimin jumped at the opportunity to spend more time with my boyfriend. They hit it off more than I thought they would and even exchanged numbers.

“I’ll let you know when I’m free,” He assured Jimin.

After talking for a few minutes, we finally walked back to the car. Things had gone very well tonight. After the nervous introductions, Namjoon settled into the group easily. He and Jimin talked about mythology and ancient Greece, Hoseok was happy to have a fellow baseball fan around, and Yoongi was just glad he did not have to deal with Jimin’s “nerding” alone. After the strange story about the West Virginian woman, the girls and I stuck to more mundane topics. Jungkook was busy tonight and could not make it, so I got an earful about how disappointed Kendall was. 

Blasting the heater, I could tell Namjoon was in a good mood. I was happy he had a nice time tonight. It was surprising how little I thought of him being there. Any other time I had brought a guy around I walked on pins and needles the entire night trying to hide as much of myself as possible. Smiling to myself, I let the feeling of rightness wash over me. I had finally found someone who liked me even with all of my niche interests. He actively indulged me as well, something completely foreign, and wanted to get to know the people I loved.

Glancing at him, I was blown away by how handsome he looked. Keeping my hands to myself had been the hardest part of the evening. Everytime I caught sight of him I wanted to run my fingers through his hair. Whenever we locked eyes I imagined myself pulling him somewhere quiet and taking what I wanted. Right now, I stared at his lips and wondered how they would feel.

“You looked beautiful tonight,” Namjoon suddenly said, eyes locked on the road. “I don’t remember if I told you that already.”

My smile widened, “Thank you regardless.”

He stole a look at me and grinned back. I shifted my body towards him and watched him openly now. I was going to kiss him tonight, I decided. If I was going to push my luck, I would be in his bed. The thought made me more anxious than I thought it would. Was I ready to have sex with him? Placing a large hand on my thigh, Namjoon stole another look at me and winked.

I would end up in his bed if it was the last thing I do.

The drive was quiet. My eyes were on him and his were on the road. The wine was catching up to me on the way out, but the cold air was sobering me up. Namjoon smelled of alcohol and cinnamon that made me dizzy.

The closer we got to the complex the more resolved I became. I wanted him so badly. Kendall had said he might be waiting for me, and knowing everything about him I was sure he was. He only gently guided me in the direction he wanted me to go, but never had he pushed through the invisible wall I had made. A wall I never really noticed.

Suddenly, I was upset about my choice of underwear. It was simple, white, and nothing to be excited about. I hoped he would be fine with that. I was not sure about the mystery women who stayed the night, but I could imagine they would go all out for the handsome man beside me. I on the other hand completely neglected to consider the possibilities. Filled with a sudden splash of doubt, I looked away from Namjoon.

“What’s the matter?” He asked gently.

I shook my head, “It’s dumb.”

“Nothing you ever say is dumb,” He argued, amused.

Should I talk to him about my fears? It was a hard conversation to have, but I was sure my nerves would make me back out of my plans. I wanted to have sex with him, at the very least a kiss, but I never thought about being insufficient. Would he like me? Would he still think I looked beautiful laid out on his bed with a pair of granny-panties on? Sighing in frustration, I decided to speak my mind. If Kendall was right about him waiting for me then maybe I should just tell him what I want.

“Why haven’t we moved forward with our relationship?” I asked.

Getting a gauge on his feelings might help me maneuver my own.

“I wasn’t sure how you felt,” He replied, voice even. In fact, he was talking like it was the easiest thing in the world. “I can be overwhelming and I wasn’t sure how to go about it with you. You’re very different from the women I usually meet.”

I nodded, “You were afraid of scaring me off?”

He chuckled. “You could say that. I mean, you know about that side of me more than I would like for you to.”

Face heating, I laughed in disbelief. He was so open about his feelings. It was strange to be with a man who treated me with enough respect to be honest. Namjoon and my father were polar opposites and it only made me happier. There was nothing to be ashamed about.

“And you think I don’t like that?”

Stealing a look at me, Namjoon nodded.

“I didn’t want to assume anything, but it’s hard to think about you in that setting.”

I laughed, “So sex with me is hard to think about?”

He grinned, his eyes twinkling with mischief. I smiled. I loved a playful Namjoon.

“Oh, no. That’s very, very easy.”

I hummed, “So, it’s the whips and chains then?”

“I think about it,” He said easily, turning down our street. “But I’m only into what you’re into.”

I laughed again. What were we talking about? We were almost to the parking lot now and I knew I would have to be very clear with him. He could think I’m joking, or maybe take this as a sign that we could do more but not tonight. No, I needed it tonight. I craved it. Thinking about him hovering over me and covering my body with his was mouth-watering.

“Well, I’m here,” I finally said, voice smaller than I would like. “If I didn’t like what you liked then I wouldn’t entertain this.”

Namjoon was quiet. Contemplative. I could tell by the quirk of his eyebrow that he was thinking of his next words carefully. I was done with the kid gloves. I wanted the cold, calculating predator from next door to make an appearance. As we parked, I changed my mind. We did not trust one another enough for that big of a leap. Maybe I could pay around with the nickname a bit? It seemed to rile him up.

“What are you asking me?” He asked, looking into my eyes.

I took a deep breath.

“I’m hungry,” I blurted out. I almost winced at how idiotic I sounded. Namjoon also seemed confused with my outburst, and I tried to fix it the best I could. “You have ramen at your place, right?”

From bewilderment to awe, it felt like a thousand different emotions crossed Namjoon’s face until it finally settled on amused. His eyes danced with laughter and I knew I had thrown him for a loop. I had never been bold like this but I wanted that to change. If he was waiting around for me then I would deliver.

“How far do you want to go?” He asked, his breathing picking up. “I need to keep myself in check.”

I giggled, opening my door. 

“Let’s figure that out together.”

With a smirk, Namjoon opened his own door. I was giddy with excitement. It felt like prom night all over again, only this time instead of the Girl’s Bathroom I’d be in a man’s apartment. Rounding the car, I met Namjoon on his side and took his hand. The two of us were laughing and sneaking looks at each other as we walked through the parking lot.

“What kind of ramen do you like?” Namjoon asked, unable to keep the smile off his face.

I pretended to think, the stupid grin on my face making my cheeks hurt.

“What would you recommend?”

I could tell he was enjoying the little game we were playing. He had yet to touch anything but my hand, but I could tell he was excited. His fingers trembled slightly and he walked much faster than normal. Trying to keep up, I nearly slipped. Namjoon quickly reached out to steady me.

Arm around my waist, he paused. The smile never left his face and we both laughed at the clumsy fall. Apologizing for his eagerness, Namjoon slowly helped me back on my feet. Of course, we were on a slick piece of ice and had to carefully walk along it to avoid any further falls. Keeping me close, Namjoon and I awkwardly shuffled across the ice.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah,” I breathed, planting my feet on the concrete again. “You would think I’d be used to the snow by now.”

He chuckled, not letting me go. “Chicago or New York, the snow is still shitty.”

I just looked at him. He was so beautiful in the moonlight. His hair pushed back and gelled into place, the subtle way his eyes squinted to see me better in the shadows, and how cold his fingers felt through my clothes. All of it made me want to fall to my knees at his feet. Namjoon was so perfect and I realized that I was falling in love with him.

It only took him two months to force his way into my heart, and I no longer felt the need to stop him. Whatever insecurities or self consciousness that had unknowingly held me back felt unimportant now as I stood in his arms. Even if he ran away screaming one day, or somehow found me to be the most unattractive woman on the planet after tonight, I would not change it for a second. Because right now he looked at me like nothing was more precious to him.

He was looking at me like I was the most beautiful woman he had ever met.

Without thinking, I cupped his face and brought it down to meet my own. Our lips met in a second motion, his arms wrapping around my waist and cocooning me into his chest while mine held his cheeks like glass. His nose brushed against my cheek, cold and soft, while his chapped lips molded roughly against my own. He tasted like wine and garlic, but I had never had anything better.

It was gentle, sweet, and hardly there, but I felt the kiss all the way down to my toes. Moving my hands, I wrapped them around his neck and he hissed. Drawing back from me, Namjoon gave me a knowing look. I realized then that I had forgotten to put on my gloves. I chuckled and looked down at the concrete. My head was still floating.

My lips tingle where he had been.

Taking my hands from his neck, Namjoon took them into his large hands and rubbed on the exposed skin. I relished in the warmth. I really needed to get better at taking care of myself. Placing two soft kisses on each of them, Namjoon let them go.

“Let’s get inside,” His voice was softer, more gentle than it had been before. His eyes no longer held the same fire and his hands did not tremble. I was worried he had seen something in me that I had not. Had he not felt the same things I had? “You need to warm up.”

We walked upstairs in companionable silence. I was worrying over the kiss now. It was so nice. I loved how small I felt with him wrapped around me, the way his body enveloped mine, and how gently he touched me. He had felt so safe and warm I never wanted it to end. The way he looked at me…

There was nothing to worry about, I reminded myself. This was Namjoon. He enjoyed my company and listened when I talked. He built miniatures in my apartment and paid for my shitty street tacos. He had not brought anybody around since he made his promise. That had to count for something.

I would not let my insecurities ruin this for me.

Reaching our floor, he took my hand once again and walked us to his apartment. I did not even look at my door when we passed it. I would pretend it never existed for tonight. Hopefully, if all went well, I could come back here more often. 

Namjoon’s apartment was a mirror opposite of my own apartment. His bed was tucked into the same corner as mine, but instead of a small end table, there was a bookshelf beside his. A futon was near the front door with a few plants to decorate the living area. I admired the flatscreen on the wall and was pleased to find framed photos on either side. I would try to take a look at those another time.

The kitchen was just as boring as mine with the only exception being a toaster and a coffee pot on top of a small buffet table. I could smell a hint of the grinds in the room but other than that it was mostly art on the walls and shelves with some collectables above the futon. It looked far more lived-in than my place did. I refused to personalize anything until I bought my own house.

“I like it,” I said, taking my coat off and throwing it on the futon beside Namjoon’s. “Especially those Sailor Moon figurines.”

He laughed, “It was my sister’s favorite and I started watching it with her.”

“Are you a Sailor Jupiter or Sailor Venus, guy?” I joked.

Namjoon began taking off his watch. I admired how wide his shoulders were in his button-down. His legs looked so nice in those jeans that I found it difficult to keep my hands to myself. I was going to give him a moment to himself before completely throwing dignity out of the window. He was getting comfortable. I joined him and removed my shoes. I hadn’t gone further than the door.

“Neither,” He shrugged, throwing me a glance over his shoulder. “I’ve always had a thing for Pluto.”

Eyeing the figures, I saw Sailor Pluto, Mars, and, to my surprise, Chibi Moon also there. Her bubble gum pink hair stands out like a sore thumb in the otherwise neutrally colored house. I had never pegged him for an anime guy, let alone Sailor Moon, but I liked it. He felt comfortable enough with me to talk about it. I doubted any of the others took any notice of the small figures on the walls. I doubted he would have told them the backstory. 

“You look nervous.”

Turning toward his voice, I shook my head at Namjoon’s words. He seemed completely unconvinced, but made no other comment. His eyes watched my every move and I again noticed I was still standing at the door. Taking a deep breath, I took a few steps into the apartment. He seemed amused but worried. I tried to stomp down on my nerves but they came back with a vengeance. This was becoming a bit overwhelming and the pressure to initiate was too much weight on my shoulders. I had no idea where to begin.

I had said I wouldn’t let my insecurities ruin anything, and yet here I was.

“Talk to me, 203.”

I sighed, “I just feel…overwhelmed.”

Namjoon was at my side quickly, but made no move to touch me again. I appreciate the bit of space. It was refreshing- especially after Taehyung grabbed me. I shook my head at the thought, upset that it had even made its way into this space. This was just us right now and that loser was not going to ruin it for me.

“What’s overwhelming?”

I avoided eye contact while I spoke. It made it easier for the words to come out.

“I don’t know how to take the next step,” I admitted. “I’m feeling a lot right now, and all of it is about you, and I’m scared I’ll ruin something. I always ruin my relationships and I don’t want this to stop. I like you too much.”

Instead of laughing Namjoon asked me if we could sit and talk this out. Going to the futon, the small couch gave us little room from one another. Knees touching, I fidgeted with my hands and waited for him to say something.

“Look at me,” He said, gently bringing my face to meet his own. “Don’t think like that, okay? There’s nothing you could do right now that would ruin this.”

“But-”

“There are no ‘buts,’” He shot down my argument before it had even begun. “Whatever happened before this can’t change, but I know you. Whoever the fuck made you think you ruined something is an idiot, okay?”

I nodded, still not fully believing him. I would laugh about this tomorrow when the fears were pushed aside to see reason. All night I was reminding myself that he liked me, that he wanted me, and that all these thoughts were pointless. Still I had let them ruin the night. I wanted to punch myself in the face.

“Y/N,” Namjoon called to me. I looked up again. I hadn’t even noticed I looked away. “We don’t have to do anything. We can just sit here and watch a movie or something. Whatever you want.”

I shook my head, “It’s not about not wanting to. I’m just a bit nervous about being the person to initiate.”

He frowned, “And that’s all this is? You really look shaken up, 203.”

I smiled despite myself. My dad was right, I really was a drama queen. I nodded, placing my hands over his. 

“The last guy I slept with made me do all the work and then told his friends I was the worst lay he ever had,” I slipped my eyes closed. I did not want to see his face right now. The memory was far too embarrassing and I could hear the way they all laughed at me. “I’m just afraid of fucking up again.”

A light tap on my cheek made me open my eyes.

Namjoon looked so devastated. I wasn't sure if I hated the way people laughed when I told them about it or just how upset he was. You would have thought he had told me that had happened to him with how much his eyebrows wrinkled. Overcome with the need to minimize the experience, I opened my mouth to speak but was cut off with a kiss. 

As if a switch was flipped, he was suddenly all over me. His hands held my face to his while he got impossibly closer. Body pressed up against mine, I shuttered when his hands ran down my neck. His calluses were rough and tugged on my skin. A soft moan escaped my lips at the feeling and Namjoon pulled away.

“Tell me when you want something to stop,” He rasped.

I nodded, already going back in for more. I have no idea how long we were on that futon, it could have been minutes, hours, even days. I was drunk in his presence and feeling him on my body was like heaven. His hands traveled from my neck to my chest. He hesitated for a second before finally cupping my breasts. 

With another burst, Namjoon moved his hands to my waist and laid me down as best as he could on the tiny piece of furniture. I hoped we would move to his bed soon but was afraid of speaking. I wasn’t sure how my voice would sound and I was happy with the way things were going. 

Stradling one of my legs, Namjoon was over me again. His lips were searing against my skin and I could not stop the soft sounds that came from my mouth. With every kiss and lick on my body, my panties got wetter and wetter. His hands ran up my body and were back on my boobs and started to gently knead them. I squeezed my eyes shut and whined.

“You’re so pretty,” Namjoon whispered, nipping at my neck.

My breathing was heavy now and I raised my heads and buried them into his hair. Namjoon groaned into my throat before finally detaching himself from my neck. He smiled at me, all teeth and dimples, and I wasn’t able to stop myself from smiling back. He looked so young like this. His lips were swollen and red alongside his flushed cheeks. Sitting up, Namjoon looked towards his bed before coming back to me. I grinned and nodded.

In a flash, he was lifting me off of the sofa. I giggled, grabbing onto him and wrapping my legs around his waist. His hands held onto my thighs as he stood up with me in his arms. Walking across the room, we were both laughing. I realized my nerves were gone now.

Throwing me on the bed, I yelled in surprise but Namjoon was back over me before I even hit the mattress. With new found confidence, I ran my hand over his chest. He paused, lifted himself up slightly, and allowed my hand to explore. He was hard against my hand. I knew he liked to go biking and hiking, and even went to the gym three times a week, but I was still taken aback by how solid he felt underneath my hands. It was a crime it had taken me this long to reach out and touch him like this.

Without much thought, I unbuttoned the top button on his dress shirt. He sucked in a deep breath. Snapping my eyes up to meet his own, a thrill shot down my spine. He looked starved. Keeping my eyes on his, I unbuttoned the next one. I got five more undone before he grew tired of waiting. Ripping the shirt over his head, my mouth went dry.

He was gorgeous. Tanned skin and hard muscles flexed with his every movement. He did not have defined abs, something I had not expected, but his stomach was toned and chiseled. Soft curves and lines had me dazed and I reached out to touch them. His stomach tightened under my hands and I grinned. He was so pretty.

“Can I take your shirt off?” He asked, voice deeper than I had ever heard it before.

Not saying anything, I lifted my arms and waited. His fingers grazed my ribs as he took the turtleneck off. I shivered once the cool air hit my skin and wondered if he noticed how cold his apartment was. I hissed once my arms were free and laughed when the neck got stuck around my head. Helping him get it the rest of the way off, I instinctively covered my chest.

“Let me turn the heater on,” He mumbled, eyes glued to my exposed skin.

He acted like peeling himself from my body had physically pained him. Walking across the room, he went to a space heater I had not noticed earlier. It was tall and spun from side-to-side as it blew the warm air around the room. I sat up and smoothed my hair down. Namjoon looked at me and his eyes immediately dropped to my bra. 

In an act of boldness, I decided to peel my pants off myself. Watching the linen go down my legs, Namjoon unbuckled his belt and let it clang to the floor. I was almost disappointed knowing it would not be joining us tonight. 

I had never even been spanked in bed let alone dived into impact play. 

He crossed the room quickly and dragged me further up the bed. My head was on the mass of pillows he kept while he drank in my body. I knew my underwear was too plain and normal for something like tonight, and I apologized before I could stop myself. 

“Sorry for what?” He asked, his voice so soft and gentle. “God, you’re so hot.”

Heat pooled to my stomach and I almost groaned in embarrassment. There had to be a wet spot on my panties now and he would more than likely be able to see it. Reaching up, Namjoon laid his hand on my cheek.

“Still doing okay?”

I sighed, “Just feeling insecure.”

“Talk to me about it.”

Trailing little kisses on my chest, he waited. Somehow, I knew he was listening to me even if he was occupied with getting into my pants. I arched my back slightly and gave him more access to my skin. 

“I’m worried about my underwear,” I gasped. “And if you think I’m a virgin or something.”

He chuckled darkly. “Why would I think that?”

I placed my hands on his shoulders to ground myself. He was sucking on the spot just behind my ear and I had to bite my lip to stop the wanton sounds from coming out. I just noticed how violently my legs were shaking.

“Because I’m so nervous,” I managed.

“So am I,” He whispered in my ear. “And you look nice in white.”

He bit my ear lobe and pulled it down. I couldn’t stop the moan this time. I felt his dick twitch against my stomach. Trying to force myself to relax again, I ran my hands down his back. He was so soft and smelled heavenly. He placed a hand on my right bra strap.

“Want to keep going?”

I reminded myself once again about how vulnerable he was being with me tonight. He was being gentle for my benefit- not his. He was checking in because he wanted me to feel good, too. He had told me months ago the only things he fucked were the things he liked. I hoped he liked me more than all of the rest. Taking another deep breath, I nodded.

“Baby,” His voice was back to the seductive tone it had been before, making my pussy flutter. He had never called me that before. “You’re shaking.”

I whined openly now, his fingers hooking underneath the straps and pulling them down my shoulders. Reaching behind me, he unhooked the unflattered piece of white fabric and pulled it down my arms. Bare chested and cold, I trembled. I wanted him to touch me.

His hands were on my boobs and I bucked my hips when his thumb brushed over my nipple. He hissed, angled his hips against my own, before playing with the buds freely. I grinded against him, whining in pleasure. 

He rotated between pinching them and rolling them, but with each flick and burst of pain I moved against him. He was so hard on me and I wished he would take his pants off so I could feel him properly. 

Leaning down, he took a nipple into his mouth while playing with the other. I cursed, arching further into him and whined. My pussy gushed and my panties were sticking to my folds now. He removed one of his hands from my chest and switched sides. His right hand traveled down my stomach and into my underwear.

My legs tensed in anticipation. I was so turned on and I wanted him everywhere all at once. His fingers found my clit quickly and Namjoon groaned into my skin.

“You’re so wet,” He bit my boob. 

Sitting up, he watched his hand playing with my pussy through my underwear. I closed my eyes and got lost in the pleasure. I felt one of his fingers circling my entrance and sobbed. It slipped in with no resistance and I swore I heard Namjoon moan along with me. 

It was careful at first, prodding and exploring my walls until it found the spongy spot that made my toes curl. He whispered sweet nothings into the air around us, but I could barely hear him. He was far away now and all I could feel was the shocks of electricity that ran through my body.

My mouth hung open and I could hear the moans and groans escaping me. I was too gone to care about how desperate I sounded or the fact that our neighbors could hear. The irony almost brought me out of my paradise. No wonder those women screamed at the top of their lungs.

When he added another finger, I screamed. My face was wet but I had no idea if it was sweat or tears. I couldn’t think of anything anymore. My stomach twisted and tightened and I heard my shouts getting louder and louder. 

“That’s it baby,” Namjoon groaned, keeping up the pace. “I got you. Cum all over me.”

The dam inside of me broke then and a waterfall gushed all over his fingers. My panties were soiled and damp, my cum sticky and white. Chest heaving, I opened my eyes and looked at Namjoon.

He was already unbuttoning his pants with his free hand. I started to pull my panties down and he removed his hand. With his pants off, he made a move to put his fingers back against my sopping cunt, but I grabbed his wrist. I needed so much more.

“Please,” I cried. “Please. Want you, I want you so bad.”

His eyes dilated and I could almost see the way he held back the animal inside of him. He was trying to be soft. I hooked a leg around his waist and lifted my hips to meet him. He was big and so painfully hard I almost felt bad. I rubbed against him once, then twice, before he shoved me away.

“Daddy.”

I didn’t realize the word was out of my mouth until his eyes snapped. Whatever had been keeping him at bay, whatever he had been telling himself about me, was gone. Black eyes devoured me and I licked my lips in anticipation. 

“What?” His voice was cold and hard.

I was so embarrassed, but still did not care to stop this train. I wanted him so badly, needed to feel him all over me, and I was sure he would give me everything I could ever want and more with a single word. This time I was far more hesitant when I said it, the strange wave of desperation gone. 

“I want you,” I swallowed hard, looking him in the eye. “Daddy, please.”

“Tell me if I’m too much,” He said, his last shred of chivalry gone.

Pulling his boxers down, I sucked in a breath at the sight of him. He was swollen, his tip dark, foreskin pulled back by his hand, and fat with precum oozing from his slit. Thick and long, Namjoon’s cock was so perfect and pretty it was hard to believe it was real. 

“Hand me a condom,” He whispered, “They’re in the wooden box next to the lamp.”

Reaching over, the box was on top of the bookshelf. Taking one of the condoms, I ripped it open with my teeth and took it out myself. I barely thought about it when I reached out towards him. When I grabbed his dick, Namjoon threw his head back and cursed. It took less than a minute to slide it on and lay back down. 

“You’re a fucking slut, aren’t you?” His voice was light and airy.

The degradation caught me off guard, giving me pause, but his hands were already grabbing ahold of my legs roughly. Bending them back on my chest, Namjoon held them in place with his forearm while he reached down to line up with my entrance. I shuttered and tried to push up into him. His arm held me down and pushed into my skin even more.

“Look at you,” He mocked. “Grinding against my dick like the little whore you are.”

He pushed into me and my eyes rolled to the back of my head. He was so big and I felt the stretch instantly. The burning was mild and despite the crude way he spoke to me, he took his time and massaged my thighs. With his arm off my legs, I lifted my hips and took him in deeper. He growled.

“Fucking filthy,” He slapped my thigh, the sting making me moan, and suck in deeper. “You’re so fucking tight, princess.”

I moaned, hooking my legs around his waist and pushing him into me while I lifted my hips. I was so full and the slight curve he had brushed against my g-spot at this angle. My mind was swimming and words felt heavy on my tongue.

“Right there,” I slurred. “Fuck, right there.”

He pulled out and pushed back in. I cried out, my body shaking and trembling underneath him. He held my legs in place before fucking into me. I played with my nipples and grinded down into him to keep the pace. 

“God,” He groaned. “You feel so fucking good. Holy shit.”

Lifting one of my legs, Namjoon placed it on his shoulder and angled his hips. Now, he hit the spot anytime he moved inside of me. Screaming, I let my hand travel down to my clit and began to rub circles on the swollen bud. 

“That’s it, baby,” He cooed. “Cum around my cock. Fuck.”

Gritting my teeth, I wailed. Hot pressure built up in my stomach again and I knew it didn’t stand a chance. I removed my hand from my clit and the pressure went down. I wanted to wait for him. 

A hard slap against my thigh made me open my eyes. Namjoon was covered in sweat, his hair sticking to his forehead, and his mouth was agape. With a heated glare, he dropped my leg. I brought them both up to my chest and screamed. He felt so good, too good, and I felt the bubble building up again. 

Namjoon’s thumb found my clit and I thrashed. His other arm held my legs down against my chest. Pounding into me, I was crying now and thought I would die if I came again. Nothing had ever felt like this before. 

“I’m so close,” He rasped, staring at the way our bodies connected. 

“Fuck,” I whined, shaking.

I came again, long and hard, while my body convulsed and twitched. I was exhausted but I knew Namjoon hadn’t finished yet. Keeping my eyes open, I squeezed down on his cock and waited. The pleasure had made me dumb and words failed me. Nothing made sense anymore, and I wanted to sleep. Moaning despite the oversensitivity, I held on for dear life as Namjoon emptied into the condom.

My legs were sore and stiff, the blood rushing through them causing pins and needles to shoot down them. Namjoon rubbed them and slowly placed them on either side of his body. Slowly, he pulled out and I winced. I was going to feel this in the morning. Taking the condom off, he tied it and went to the kitchen to throw it away.

“Don’t move,” He said. “I’m going to get a towel to wipe you off.”

I was fighting to keep my eyes open so I just let him clean me up. I was far too tired to fight him about it and I thought it was pointless regardless. If he wanted to take care of me then I would let him.

He was back a few moments later and wiped my body off with care. He asked if I could get up so he could change the sheets, and I was able to force my body off the bed. There was a huge puddle where I had been, so I was grateful he was thinking of my hygiene when all I wanted to go was sleep. 

“Do you want me to go?” I asked, yawning.

“No,” He replied. “Do you want to leave?”

“No.”

He quickly changed the sheets and got a new blanket for us. I still didn’t get back into bed just yet. Awake enough to pick up my panties, I wrinkled my nose at the thought of putting them back on. I hated going commando. 

“Want to go get a new pair?” Namjoon asked, noticing my predicament.

I frowned, “It’s fine. I’ll be good with a shirt.”

He threw a plain white tee onto the bed.

“Thanks.”

I was expecting to feel more awkward than I did. The sex was good, great even, and the silence in the room wasn’t scary. I knew Namjoon was thinking and I was happy to let him. I needed a moment to get myself together.

Where did we go from here? I was already being called his girlfriend, we were obviously crazy about one another, and I knew I was getting deeply involved with him now. I could love him and that alone was enough for me to want things to work out. Knowing that I would love him one day was a comfort.

Crawling into bed, I was upset that my teeth were unbrushed, but sharing toothbrushes was far away. I would scrub them really well in the morning and be fine with that. I had never been more excited for a Saturday before. Namjoon was beside me after turning off the lights.

Darkness surrounded us as he came closer to my body. These were moments I rarely experienced. Cuddling and loving touches after sex were a rarity in the past and something I had always craved. Settling in his arms, I laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes. His heartbeat was steady and loud against my ear.

“Are you going home for Christmas?” Namjoon suddenly asked.

I knew he had been thinking hard about something.

“I am,” I sighed. “Hopefully it’ll be a good year this time.”

“What makes you say that?”

Namjoon was somewhat aware of the strained relationship I had with my parents. We had talked about my weird Thanksgiving break and the even weirder holidays before that. He always said my parents would come around, but I knew he would never understand just how wishy-washy they were. His family was a constant support in his life.

“My dad’s getting weirder and weirder,” I answered. “It used to be my mom and I bumping heads constantly, but after I moved out we got better. Dad and I got worse. I don’t know what he wants from me.”

Rubbing random patterns on my back, Namjoon got quiet again. Taking that as my cue to become a bit more open, I decided to keep talking.

“He hates what I do. He was hoping I’d be in Chicago for my entire life, become a school teacher or something simple, and get married. Harvard was a dream, and he thought I’d get into law like him when the letter came in, but after I said geology everything just got weird. He never got along with my grandpa and thought he had brain washed me or something. I don’t even know anymore it’s all so convoluted.”

“But things were already weird before then.”

I nodded, “He didn’t like me speaking my mind or having an opinion that he didn’t agree with. We’re far too alike and argue constantly.”

“And your mom?”

I sighed. That was the worst part of everything. I loved them both so much, but neither one of them loved me enough to just be happy for me. They wanted this fantasy they had to play out in their head. Mom would choose dad any day of the week if it meant she stayed comfortable. Dad would pick mom because she never pushed him too far and let him get his way.

“She just wanted me to keep the family together.”

“Why are you going home then?” He asked. “Why even let them ruin your holiday?”

“He said-”

“Everything I’ve heard about the guy tells me that’s bullshit.”

I was shocked he interrupted me. He must have been thinking long and hard about this sort of conversation. I closed my mouth and listened to what he had to say. It had been a long time since someone agreed with my feelings.

“Even if he said he wouldn’t fight with you, even if he apologized, every time you go home he just treats you poorly. You’ve missed multiple holidays with your family because of his temper tantrums and were miserable in Chicago. Why go?”

I thought about his question. Why was I going? Because he said he was sorry? He apologized every year and still managed to make everything about him. How I wrong him. How I was the one destroying our family. How I left him alone. I had said I was going, I had the ticket and flight information, but did I really want to go home? I had more fun in my apartment alone then dealing with the scream matches over nothing.

“He cried,” I replied.

“To guilt trip you. He cried to make you feel bad about him disrespecting you and degrading you. He barely even apologized.”

Namjoon was right, but what else could I do? Call home and tell them I changed my mind? Get blamed for their failing marriage again? That did not sound nice either. I could say it was work but that would add credibility to their arguments. Mom would be so disappointed.

“Why are you asking me about Christmas?”

“I want you to come home with me.”

It brought a smile to my face even if I did feel a bit uncomfortable with him saying all of that to convince me to cancel my travel plans. Was it just to make me go with him? That was something my dad would do. I took a few deep breaths and thought about Namjoon and his character. No, he would not do that. He was just talking with me about my parents and wanted to see if I would rather spend my holidays with him.

“Would your family be okay with that?” I asked.

“Most definitely,” I could hear the smile in his voice. “My parents would really like you and my sister is going to be excited for another STEM girl in the house. We will have to sleep separately, though. My parents are old school.”

I laughed. From what he tells me, their home is very small and I would be asleep on the living room floor. Still, I felt much better about this trip than visiting home. It was sad that meeting my boyfriend’s family gave me less anxiety than going home.

“I’d like to come,” I yawned. “I’ll figure out my parents later.”

He kissed the top of my head.

“Night, 203.”

I grinned, “Night, 201.”

Four Months Later

Staring at the screen, I reread the email for the fourth time.

From: TanyaLopez@AMNH.hr.org To: Y/L/N.Y/N@hks.harvard.edu Date: March 23, 2023 Subject: Next Steps

Y/N,

Thank you so much for taking the time to interview with us for the Invertebrate Researcher position here at AMNH. I have some GREAT news to share! Our team enjoyed getting to know you and we’d like to move to the next stage of our hiring process. Could you provide me with two references of yours, preferably a former manager or colleague? If you could fill out the below information as soon as possible, that would be greatly appreciated!

Reference #1: Title: Phone Number: Email:

Reference #2: Title: Phone Number: Email:

Feel free to contact me if you have any questions moving forward and I would be happy to help. Looking forward to hearing from you to continue this exciting process!

- Tanya Lopez Talent Acquisition Specialist Human Resources American Museum of Natural History C: (212) 555-5555 Pronouns (she/her) -

I picked up my phone and called Wren. Namjoon was in class right now and telling him would have to wait. She picked up on the third ring, her excitement and joy already making me smile. I had text her when I saw the email notification.

“So?” She demanded. “What did she say?”

Wren had been the most nervous for me. This position was a huge deal and would be a game changer for my resume. Namjoon and Kendall were both convinced I had the job before I even applied, and Jungkook said he’d be there for me if it didn’t work out. He was trying to ease up on the drinking after Kendall gave him a bit of an intervention. I was happy he sounded more like himself the last time we spoke.

“You’re talking to their newest researcher.”

“Ah!” She screamed, yelling to Jimin about the new job. “I’m so excited! This is huge! New York, babes!”

I laughed, “I know right? God, Joon is going to flip.”

“How are you feeling about long distance?”

In typical Wren fashion, she had been the one person who leaned into my fears when I first talked about the job. Where Jungkook said we would make it as long as we made the effort, Wren was worried that we would break up as soon as I got the job. After many conversations with Namjoon, though, I felt much better about the whole thing. Like he said, Boston was only a 4 hour drive from New York and I would be staying out of New Rochelle which would ease the drive up a bit. Not by much but he could avoid the brunt of most of the NYC traffic.

“They’ll be fine, Jagi,” I heard Jimin in the background. “Stop worrying so much.”

“I’m the best friend,” She snapped back, defensive and hurt. “It’s my job to worry, Jimin.”

“Hey now,” I scolded. “Leave my best friend-in-law alone.”

“I’m going to miss you so much,” Wren whined, completely ignoring us both.

Now we are on to phase 2: denial. I shook my head and listened as she whined about how far away I would be. I reminded her it was a four hour car ride, but she reminded me that we had never lived more than twenty minutes away from each other since we’d met.

“But think about it Wren,” I soothed, going for the only thing I had left. “Day shopping in New York City, grabbing some pizza at a jazz club late at night, and all of those fancy furniture stores.”

I would apologize to Jimin later. Wren had a horrible habit of throwing out brand new furniture and buying all new shit once a year. Sometimes twice. I was lucky to get a few new pieces for my apartment years ago, but I could just imagine her going to every Pottery Barn in the city to find something to replace. She had been talking about how boring her dining table was. 

“Oh! We could give you some things for your new place and go shopping for ours.”

I winced. I would need to make that apology sooner rather than later. My phone buzzed and I saw an incoming call from Namjoon.

“Boyfriend’s calling. Go to go.”

“Laters.”

Hanging up with Wren, I answered Namjoon’s call.

“Hello Ms.Newly Employed.”

I rolled my eyes, “You don’t even know if I got the job.”

“Did you?” I had sent him the same text as Wren.

“Yes.”

“My mom’s going to be so happy for you.”

Christmas had been very nice. Of course, my parents were as angry as I expected them to be. That phone call made me realize no matter what I did they would be upset. I had even tried to explain to them that I was seeing someone, and it had fallen on deaf ears in the face of their wants. I felt bad for a few days until Namjoon reminded me that was what my dad wanted. I stopped thinking about it after that and hadn’t heard much since. No random gifts or late night phone calls. Complete radio silence.

Namjoon’s family really was every bit as warm and inviting as I imagined them to be. His mother was so happy to meet me and his father was happy to talk about my career. I slept on a cot in the living room for the first two days until his mother decided she liked me too much and allowed us in the same room. She had made a few jokes about grandkids, but I wasn’t sure just how joking they were. 

His sister showed up the following week and it was a dream. Her mind was so bright and expressive, and I adored the young girl not even an hour after meeting her. It was the first holiday in years that I was able to relax with a cup of cocoa and not worry when I would be kicked out. I promised them to come back for Spring Break.

“I’ll be sad I can’t see you everyday.”

He laughed, “I’ll be down there every weekend and you’ll visit when you can.”

I smiled, “I know but that doesn’t change anything. At least I know your schedule already.”

The Project Manager position was a bust, but he took it in stride. He thought about joining the research team at Harvard, but I saw him looking at an adjudicate position at NYU for next fall. I hoped we would last that long, and that he thought about the decision before jumping the gun. He always did but I knew what emotions could do to someone’s judgment. Either way, I would be happy for him.

“I’m going to write this woman back,” I said, already composing my reply. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

“How about going to Harvest to celebrate.”

I laughed out loud.

“Babe, we can’t afford Harvest.”

“Now, now,” His voice went up an octave. “I am willing to take out a small loan to wine and dine you.”

“My hero,” I mocked. He snorted. “We can hit up Santouka’s if you want to eat in Harvard Square.”

“I’m always happy to get ramen.”

After finalizing our plans and hoping we could rope in a few friends to go out with, we hung up. I was happy with the way things were going and I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend. I was sad to be so far away but I had to have faith it would all work out. Even if it meant long drives and days lost, I knew Namjoon was worth every second of it.

From: Y/L/N.Y/N@harvard.edu To: TanyaLopez@AMNH.hr.org Date: March 23, 2023 Subject: RE: Next Steps

Good afternoon Ms.Lopez,

I am so happy to hear that! Working with AMNH is a dream come true and I am so honored to have the opportunity. Below I have given you both of the references you have asked for as well as two additional. I want to be sure you get the references you need and Dr.Lupon can be tricky to get in touch with by phone. Thank you again and I appreciate all of your help during this process.

Dr. Abigail Lupon, Ph.D. (617) 444-444 Abigail.Lupon@harvard.edu

Morgan Dawson Ph.D Candidate (206) 777-7777 Morgan.Dawson@harvard.edu

Dr. Christopher Jonas, Ph.D. (406) 222-2222 ChristopherHJonas@harvard.edu

Dr. Alistair Moody, Ph.D. (617) 333-3333 Alistair.Moody@harvard.edu

Let me know if you need anything else and I look forward to working with you in the near future.

- Y/N Y/L/N Ph.D. Candidate in Paleontology Harvard University | Department of Earth and Planetary Sciences Mobile: (773) 999-9999 | Email: Y/N.Y/L/N@harvard.edu Pronouns: She/Her/Hers -

It was impossible to believe I was leaving this place. These would be my last two months in my shit hole apartment, my last two months cleaning off bones in the lab, and my last two months living next door to my boyfriend. It was bittersweet but I knew I was making the right choice. Every decision I had made was leading to this moment.

I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my grandpa would be proud of me.

Two months later

This was it. Two names away from my own, I waited with bated breath for the Dean to call out my name for the third and final time. Beside me, Dr.Lupon smiled happily. She was more excited for my commencement than I was. 

“Almost,” She mouthed to me and took a few steps back.

I was sitting on an end seat and would need to exit on that side. I knew she was supposed to be further towards the front but had switched with Dr.Jonas earlier this evening for “moral support.” We had gone through this multiple times and yet she still insisted on chaperoning me everywhere. It was as endearing as it was embarrassing. Somewhere behind me a large group of my friends were waiting to scream as soon as I stood up.

Then, it happened. All twelve years I had been at Harvard were flooding through my mind as I stood. My first day, living in the dorms and loathing my roommate, and the first time I had ever stepped inside of the museum. I recalled the first time I met Dr.Lupon and the whirlwind she had become in my otherwise dull life. Late night dinner with Jungkook, the first time I saw Wren, and all of the beautiful moments that led up to seeing Jimin at a P.C. frat party. 

I remember when Kendall’s hair touched her chin and she was fresh faced. Before the ambulances and dead bodies, Kendall had been so excited to contribute to the world. Heartbreak after heartbreak and wasted tears on men who never deserved my time. Taehyung came to mind and I almost laughed. God, that guy was such a loser. 

I had found out a few weeks after we bumped into one another in the parking lot the reason he had been so weird. His friend, Seokjin, had come by to get some stuff for his dog and spilled the beans. Apparently, Taehyung had only asked me out because he thought I would be an easy fuck. Jin told him to leave me alone since I worked at the only pet store open so late, but the idiot really went for it. His pride was hurt when it didn't work, and he was convinced I was simply playing hard to get. He stopped stalking me after Namjoon cornered the two of them at the gym the next morning. It would seem that Taehyung's bark was much bigger than his bite. 

Taking my diploma from the Dean, I smiled blindingly at him and shook his head with as much force as I could. Today was perfect. Today was not the end of my story, but the beginning. Coming back to the present, I giggled as Namjoon’s loud cheers reached my ears. I swore I heard Jimin and Wren singing 'We Are The Champions,' but I would have to ask to make sure.

Harvard would forever be a part of my life, memories far too precious to forget, but I was ready to move on. Looking at the photographer across the way, I quickly posed with my diploma and went back to my seat. Stealing a look behind me, I found Namjoon and his family standing in a large group, our friends all waving and blowing kisses our way. A small ache settled in my heart that my own parents had not come, but I could not let it ruin this. I had spent 12 years at Harvard, all of them beautiful, but now it was time for me to move on. Today was only the beginning.

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