#difficult to visualise for sure but I like how it came out

[thunderboltfire]

There's always one more way out.

[redfordart]

Working in the garden

Since my prostate cancer diagnosis my art and writing have taken on a new significance. You could say that the cancer has been the trigger. The diagnosis was as good a time as any to sum up my life and work out the best ways of handling the unwelcome news.

The weather in the preliminary months of the pandemic was extraordinarily fine; an encouragement to be outside in the garden and do ‘jobs’ rather than stay inside and labour away in the gloom and ‘waste’ the entrancing sunshine. My first job was to do something with the rotten fencing at the front of our house. It was an eyesore as fencing, but there was enough good wood to do something else with it, but what? There was one tree in our garden standing alone and from the moment we moved in it had proclaimed itself ready to have a bench made to surround it. I had never done it, so surely this was the time.

It was one of those jobs that at first sight seems easy, but craftily, the more committed you become the more difficult it gets. I was quite proud of how I went about it, taking measurements, making a plan and making sure that I did not make any miscalculations that would ruin it when all the sections were fitted together. I say ‘sections’ because it was obvious that since it had to encircle the tree, there was no way that it could be built in one piece. All the separate sections had to be the same size and constructed so that, when assembled, the hole in the middle gave enough space for expansion and irregularity of the tree. When it came to it, all my calculations resulted in, I thought, a pleasing re-use of he old timber. There was just one thing awry. When fitted together, there was a gap exactly the right size to accommodate another section. So much for my exactitude. My maths had told me that six sections was what I should make to encircle the tree. In fact it was seven. No big deal really, except for a few F words (gently spoken of course) it was another day or two’s work before I could assemble the whole thing.

My wife, Caroline, who is a retired GP, one morning shortly after diagnosis, had come out with the alarming question, ‘Do you want to die at home?’ I was non-plus send and wrong-footed. Even though I understood what the diagnosis meant the idea of actually dying was something that happened to other people. After all, I felt perfectly fit and healthy. She, as a doctor, was visualising what was likely to happen to me before I kicked the bucket.

The consequence, despite this, was to get the builders in and, having knocked the shed (which was my studio) down, replace it with an extension with disabled en-suite loo. My part in this, because the planned new room was slightly larger than the shed, was to demolish the dry stone wall that I had built 25 years before. This was to allow for a larger patio and wheelchair access.

Once I had demolished it, my job was then to rebuild it. This meant shifting lots of turf from the lawn and digging away masses of earth that had been underneath it and barrowing that away to another part of the garden. Then came the rebuilding of the wall. There is something intriguing about dry-stone walling. I am not saying I am much good at it, but I do enjoy hunting around for blocks of stone that look as if they might fit together, and then indulging in the backbreaking toil of carrying them and nudging them into place to see if I was right. In the end it all came to a satisfactory conclusion and I could move on to other things!

[xxladynenexx]

Heaven Official's Blessing S2 Ep1

Why do I have to wait for episode 2 TT_TT

I want to have it all at once and then neglect every aspect of my life to watch it TT_TT

Spoilers for the ENTIRE story of Heaven Official's Blessing/Tian Guan Ci Fu below the cut!! Have my thoughts and excitement!

I will say, knowing what I do about Jun Wu and how close he was to Hua Cheng's ashes right then? Seeing it was so different to reading it. I unfortunately lack the ability to visualise things so reading, while fun for me, is quite difficult with character descriptions lol.

I did say that the idea for [Tenebrous] came to me in a dream, and that is true, but it's not the same way other people I know dream. I actually have a little thing I sent to friends to explain how I see things in my head, which I will paste here.

You are in a dark room. You can sort of see shapes of objects around you. There are no details on anything. You're pretty sure you saw a white cat. So you look for it. But you can never look at the cat and see it, you can only see it when you look anywhere but the cat. The cat is only ever very faintly visible. It's never clear, always blurry, and you can't see the whole cat. Only parts of it. You have to keep your eyes moving, because if you look at one spot too long the cat vanishes, and you have to look around for it again. There are never colours. The images are never sharp.

I also can never imagine things actively, I have to fully zone out or be asleep for anything to be 'seen' in my head. Also means when I get high I don't hallucinate lmao.

Back to TGCF spoilers.

I read some funny headcanons about how Hua Cheng probably had his little panic on "Shit, it's gege, how do I sit in this chair to look like the coolest Ghost King ever?" (Tbh I think he sits like that all the time because he gives off those vibes) and it gave me a giggle.

I love Shi Qingxuan's design. And I also really liked the animation/art style of the opening. I read a few people hated it but I quite like it. It's a unique style. A few angles may look awkward, but QI RONG?? DID YOU SEE THE INCREDIBLE TRANSITION FOR HIM? FAM.

It was so beautiful and I loved it.

Man even though I know what happens I am still so stressed about HOW CLOSE TO HUA CHENG'S ASHES JUN WU WAS!! Like, he didn't know they were there but I DID!!

[sem1-stuff]

The Shorn Sheep

Storyboard from Week 7

Drawing a storyboard helped me visualise my ideas before trying to create it in After Effects.

The shorn sheep follows a woolly-fleeced sheep turning into a shorn sheep.

I wanted to create an animation that would be fun to view and would look silly/funny, capturing how hidden under all the woolly fleece is a sheep. With that idea I figured it would make a good base for the text (obvious text 'I AM FROM' with a hidden text 'TE KŪITI' underneath)

Week 9 & 10

I played around with the shape tool in After Effects to create a sheep. It was fairly easy creating the woolly fleece as it was made of ovals. However, creating the sheared body and face was difficult because I first started off with a gray body, legs and circle head which didn't look like a sheep at all (forgot to screenshot) so I added excess wool around the neck, head and later around the legs.

Then came the animating part, this part took fairly long because After Effects is very new to me but I enjoyed learning and finding new ways to use the tools.

I used the position property to move the wool and the sheep, since they were seperate comps/layers, I took extra care making sure they aligned when needed. Having the woolly fleece bounce up from the landing took me a while to figure out (where it should land) but I'm really glad I did so because it is a very nice touch to the animation.

And finally the shorn sheep is shown revealing the text 'TE KŪITI.'

[cynicalmusings]

WAAA I HAVEN'T INTERACTED IN SO LONG!!!

life just got so busy ;=; with exams, upcoming colleges i have to think about applying, my future – it's really held me back from breathing and interacting with what i like :( BUT I AM HERE TO INTERACT ONCE MORE!!! maybe i can finally draw again bwoah, it's been weeks since I've picked up that dusty ol tablet

anyways, that writer ask game heehoo o_o : 🌈 🍉 🤍

it’s good to see you again! hopefully things will calm down soon for you.

(don’t worry; i haven’t properly touched my genshin writing in ages, so you’re not the only one who’s let dust gather in some creative areas…)

now, onto the ask game:

🌈 - is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

cyno’s dark fairytale au is… pretty hard work. i love working on it, don’t get me wrong, but the elaborate writing style paired with actually having to follow a planned out storyline and make sure the plot is tight and makes sense etc. as opposed to winging funky little oneshots is quite difficult sometimes, considering i have the attention span of a hummingbird (do hummingbirds have short attention spans? they just came to mind for some reason.) i’ve also talked sometimes about how i pride myself on that 100 followers special fic, because it took time. i had to visualise the character designs and do some brief research on mask designs (primarily venetian masks), and it took me literal weeks to choose which waltz/ piece to assign to the characters that matched their personality and their scene best. then i also needed to write the whole thing up, and the level of detail in that is up there with my dark fairytale au. i’ll always be a tiny bit salty that it has below 100 notes whereas some random brainrots i slapped down on a whim get, like, five times as many, but hey, what can you do?

🍉 - in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

i use writing (and reading) a lot as a sort of escape mechanism. when i’m stressed or going through a tough mental spot, it really helps to lose myself in fiction and especially in fictional characters that i like, and not have to worry about real life for a bit. call me painfully self-indulgent, but sometimes i imagine how certain characters might comfort me if i came to them with my troubles, and it actually helps me wind down a bit. i realise it’s… slightly worrying that i’m literally coming to fictional characters in my own brain for comfort instead of real people, but, uh… it’s nice, so… good for me….?

🤍 - what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

oooh…. i don’t know, actually. i already sort of mentioned my 100 followers special, and i don’t want to repeat myself, so let me look through my masterlist quickly.

…funnily enough, this isn’t actually on my masterlist, but maybe that continuation of a the kazuha royalty au i originally got as an event request ages ago. i did a touch of worldbuilding here and there and it was pretty fun, and i remember being somewhat proud of the reader’s character development; something which maybe might not have been ‘gotten’, or at least registered that much, by the audience because of the reader meaning to be self-insertion-y instead of a full-fledged character, and i definitely leaned more heavily towards making them a character of their own for that. i don’t really regret it, though, because i enjoyed writing for them and treating them like a character rather than a blank slate— to be honest, i find writing a reader with a clear personality more satisfying than one without, even if it’s not really the point. basically, i’d rather be compelled by a character than see myself in their shoes 100%, even if it means sacrificing some of that self-insertion. to be honest, i could go into a full-fledged essay (ramble) about how i write reader inserts and why and some pet peeves i have with their characterisations (or lack thereof, in some cases), but i’ll spare you poor souls for now.

[charliedawn]

Pennywise 1990 X Reader X Pennywise 2017 "The Joke's On You" part 1

Part 2: https://charliedawn.tumblr.com/post/648205835225415680/the-jokes-on-them-part-2

"Ssssooooo..Why clowns ?"

Both of them look at you with a frown of incomprehension on their faces..

" Because of the fear."

They answer at the same time. Funny, its the first time you see them act so..alike. You mean, of course, they are big scary child-eating monsters..But they never seemed to be agreeing on anything, so when you ask the question, their looks and answers are so similar that it makes you think of another question.

" Also..Are you like brothers or something ? Related ? Father and son, or that can't happen with your kind ? You just eat children and do not produce them ?"

Penny, the tall ginger clown only crouches like a frog while the other one only looks at him with disgust.

" Yeah..Right..As if I would ever be related to that one..Nah. We're just hunting together now..Normally, he would not wake up at the same time as me, so we wouldn't really meet. But the idiot messed up his schedule while overstaying in order to kill some dumb kids and he woke up the same time I did !"

He glares at Penny who doesn't seem concerned at all by the way the other one is describing the situation. Even though it's quite offensive..The older one continues and looks at me with a repulsive snare at the idea.

" We don't produce children. Although, we never tried. We are mostly made of pure fear materialized only by the decaying flesh of our victims..We're supposed to be impossible to kill and we don't even know when we were born nor where. But, I remember that the first time I saw a human, many centuries ago, people mostly called us "Wendigos".."

You open your eyes wide in surprise at the news.

"Wendigos ?! So, that means you were humans before ?!"

The young one snickers and his yellow eyes glare at me.

" Humans ?! Ah ! What a joke ! They cry, love, betray, they only crawl on an endless path until they become old, ugly and die. This is why we eat them..They are of no use..They are dancing on a ball of dirt that they squeezed so much that it has no more to give..And you know what is the most ironic ? Is that they prefer to blind themselves more than face the truth..There is no beauty or originality in humans..Doves fly, dogs bark, dears run and even dolphins are more intelligent than you..Now tell me, why would the world need you, when we have the exact same talents in every animal that comes with the letter D ? I didn't even have to go out of my favorite letter to find every good thing you've ever done in animals that are not destroying their own habitat. What makes you so special ? What makes you think that you deserve living when all you do is destroy and hide the truth ?!"

It is the most you have ever heard Penny speak and even Pennywise seems shocked by his sudden outburst. Penny is so close to you that you can see his anger reflecting in his eyes. You try to not let fear show but, it's hard. You gulp and look at the ground in shame. He was right..What did you bring that no other living being ever did ? Humans were parasites and he smirks before returning at his crouching position.

" That's what I thought."

He whispers and Pennywise smiles almost proudly before hitting him in the back a little too hard since Penny growls.

" Wow. Didn't know you had it in you ! In all honesty, I never even thought about why I eat humans..I mean, we both know that human and animal food taste the same..But, for some reason, I always hated humans..Never really knew why and never cared enough to ask !"

He answers with a grin.

You frown then gasp in horror which both of them seem to notice since they turn their heads towards you in frightening synchronization.

" Wait ! Does that mean..You chose to eat humans ?! That you can perfectly live without their meat and just eat like normal people?!"

Pennywise answers with a grin.

" Come on..You should have figured it out by now..We don't really care about what we're eating, as long as it has flesh and fear : which animals and humans both have in common. But, as he said before, why choose them over you ?"

He looks at you up and down before adding with a large grin.

" Now that I think about it, if it wasn't for your rare quality of blood, you would already be a past meal.."

You shiver and he bursts out laughing.

Yeah..You remember..The only thing that kept you alive was you blood type..O- was, from what you had understood, sweeter ? Like some kind of cake or candy..This is why they wanted to keep you alive.."Saving best for last" as they had said.

Ah ! How lucky am I ?! You think.

You sigh and turn the other way to face anything else but the two clowns. At that moment, your foot hits something. You look down at the ground and are surprised to see some pencils. You glance behind you, but the other two don't seem to care about you anymore..for now. You get the pencils and look around for a surface to try them on and when you've finally decided, you walk towards it. You stop and close your eyes to visualise what you want to draw..Then, inspiration hits you and it's like your hands are dancing on the hard surface. You're so concentrated that you don't even notice the two creatures stopping whatever they were doing to look at you with confusion written all over their faces. You continue and seconds, minutes, hours pass. The two clowns, curious of what you are doing, now stand next to you silently, as to not break your concentration. They just look at your drawing from each side of you, their eyes wide, surprised and unable to find words to describe it. You are breathless, exhausted, but don't want to stop. If it was the last thing you would do, then let it be beautiful..Even if the only living things that would ever see it would be two nightmarish clowns that didn't give two shits about art or expression of oneself. When you finish, you are surprised to find two gloved hands on you drawing..You look at each side of yourself and see the two clowns, weirdly still and their eyes glued to your work. For a moment, you almost laugh at their, surprisingly, childish faces. They look like your young Art and Crafts students that you teach, always awed by whatever you would do.

But, what makes you smile the most, is that the first reaction they had was to touch it with their hands, as if the drawing had called them in. You sometimes had students like that, that could only understand Art by touching it. This is why whenever you would bring one of your works, you told the kids to do the first thing that came to their mind with it (as long as it wasn't tearing it apart or painting on it of course) Everyone had different reactions. Some liked to look from a far, some liked a closer angle and, as you had witnessed, some preferred touching it..But, what surprises you next is your own reaction. You grab one of the pencils and trace the shadow of your own hand on your drawing, as a proof. Then, you gently take Penny's hand that looks almost frightened by your touch, but he lets you hold onto his hand and do the same thing that you just did with your own. He giggles slightly as the pencil lightly "tickles" him and, to your surprise, his claws get out. He wants to retract them, nearly in shame, but you make it clear that it doesn't bother you while tracing the contour of his claws as well. When you are finished with him, you turn towards the older one that had already taken his hand off with a snicker.

" If it is a trick to impress us, it will not work, your hocus-pocus will not stop us from eating you..Anyway, I'm sure you have a knife hidden somewhere and only wait for me to let my guard down to stab me in the back."

You only answer with a sad smile of silent resolve while reaching for his hand.

" No trick. No hocus-pocus. No knife. Only me, your hand and a way to make you remember that, for a minute, I managed to make you feel something else than anger, hate or hurt.."

He frowns, visibly hesitant, before finally giving in with a childish grumble.

You finally trace his fingers on your colorful drawing, mixing the color of the rainbow and the greyish color that composed the colors of their suits. And, at the middle, all those colors forming one gigantic tree, that tree being your own personal touch..A tree that, maybe, will learn Penny that, even though humans destroy, they also create and Pennywise that, even though he lost any hopes concerning humanity, the particularity of the humans, the thing that makes them truly special are their hope. Because, even if animals are better than you in every aspect, they do not hope..And they do not have the imagination to create any other outcomes than eat or be eaten. This is maybe why the two clowns seem much more appreciative of those creatures than the humans ? Because they are much easier to understand ? You smile proudly at your little discovery. Like this tree, humans are made of so many different colors that it is difficult to find a pattern..Both of them said that they hated Humanity, but if it is true then..

" I may have understood why you chose to be clowns.."

They turn towards you : Penny with a side smile and Pennywise with an arked eyebrow.

" Oh ? And why is that ? You're gonna tell us that it's because we liked making people laugh when we were "humans" ?!"

The older one says, putting humans between brackets mockingly while the other one is cackling behind him. You smile again and shake your head while they come down to a sitting position; one on his favorite worn out leather chair and the other one on the dirty floor. They both look up at you expectantly, as if they are expecting you to read them a bedtime story..

" Well..I don't think it is about the form in itself, it is more about the colors and the fact that it symbolizes things that you never had when you were "humans".."

You say between brackets as to imitate Pennywise that is looking at you with another one of his signature mocking smile.

" What are you talking about ?! I am funny ! The funniest in town if you ask me !"

He says proudly, while Penny only rolls his eyes at his comment.

You shake your head again with a smile and even answer with a little laugh.

" No. Not that. You feed only from fear..Correct ?"

They both nod in unison and then, you ask a question that they had never even asked themselves before.

" Why only fear ?"

They want to answer that it is obvious, that it is stupid to even ask. But they have to admit it at the end, they do not know themselves. After a while, you answer for them.

" You do not feed on fear. But on faith."

They frown and Pennywise asks, confused.

" What do you mean ?"

You try to find words to explain your thinking and finally sigh, as it is no easy task.

" You feed on the only thing that you do not have, and that humans are the only ones to possess..Our faith and beliefs. We believe that there are monsters under our beds, then you take their appearance. In fact, I don't even know if you can transform in anything else than scary things, can you ?"

They look at each other before looking back at you and Penny is the first one to answer you.

" We never tried..and what for even ?"

You smile and get up, dusting your knees.

" Humans are afraid, but what they fear the most is losing their most cherished things. Try with me. Try to guess my most cherished thing on Earth.."

The two clowns seem interested by the idea and you can feel them trying to find your most precious memories. They already know your biggest fear..And in all honesty, after having seen it so many times, you aren't that scared of insects anymore. Now, let's see if they are as powerful as they say they are..

Penny transforms into a puppy and you smile tenderly while extending your arms in order to take him in your arms. But then, another head appears, then another, then another..

He returns to his normal appearance, almost as out of breath as you were before.

" I..I can't..stay in this form very long."

You nod understandingly and then, turn towards the oldest that only shrugs at the odd reaction of the young one. Pennywise seems to look at you with a little bit more seriousness, his hand scratching his chin in silent observation. You know that he is trying to figure you out and is taking the dare to heart. And, suddenly, his smile widens and his eyes brighten as he has a sudden epiphany and you frown in worry. What did he see ? Suddenly, he gets up and slowly walks towards you with a weird crooked smile, looking more smug than usual.

" If I have learned something about your kind is that you have one thing that you always bring up.."

You frown in incomprehension, what does he mean ? Suddenly, Penny smiles creepily and you shiver, he must have understood some kind of hidden message because you sure as hell didn't get the memo ! You smile awkwardly, your pulse racing and cold sweat start to form on your skin. Whatever he has in mind..You sure as Hell didn't know what it is, and that scares you more than anything..Pennywise backs you up against the wall of your drawing and smirks.

" I..I think we played enough..I'm tired..We can maybe continue tomorrow..?"

You ask, your heartbeats quickening and both clowns looking at you with bright yellow eyes. However, suddenly, both of them shout at the same time.

" Money !"

" Food !"

You open your eyes wide at Pennywise that gets out some coins from his pocket and you then turn towards Penny that just shouted food like it was some kind of good answer at a test. Tears start building up at the corner of your eyes and you sigh in relief before biting your lips shut, trying to contain your laughter.

Penny frowns at your expression and says in a small, almost childish, voice.

" Wasn't the point of the game to say one of the things you cherish the most ? Don't you cherish food ? Why are you crying ? Did I win ?!"

Suddenly, you start laughing uncontrollably and Pennywise answers him in a really angry voice.

" No! You didn't, big dummy! The game was transform, not yelling the answer at the top of you lungs like an idiot!"

Penny frowns and crosses his arms while pouting. But you answer through each giggle.

" You're wrong! Both of you!"

They look at you with wide eyes before growling.

" Then, what is the answer ?! "

Pennywise yells, frustrated and you answer.

" Love ! We value love ! Family, friends.."

Penny frowns and scoffs.

" Well, you're funny ! How do you transform into something you don't even know ?!"

You gasp, this is why he couldn't stay in the form of a puppy ! He didn't know how they truly acted towards affection ! You could have almost felt sorry for them if it didn't mean alerting their fear senses for food..But, you could try to find a way to get them to learn more about the true meaning of love. 

Pennywise lets you go and sighs in defeat while turning towards Penny.

" Boy ! You don't have to transform into love ! You just had to take the appearance of something she wanted to love, dumbass ! Like I don't know, a human she know ?!"

You suddenly open your arms wide and they both look at you with widened eyes.

" What the heck are you doing ?"

Pennywise asks with a scowl and Penny only frowns, his eyes diverting on strange angles. You try not to think about the fact that you're going to try to hug two interdimensional demons and just wrap your arms around them. At first, you really thought one of them was going to shred you to pieces, but they become as still as statues.

" This is what humans call a hug. It's super effective and it is the first thing in affection."

Penny is still as a rock, and you even ask yourself if he is even breathing..Before remembering that he surely doesn't even have a heart. Pennywise is the first one to move and gets you off harshly. His eyes are of a wild red color and he looks in pain. He clutches his heart and growls animalistically at you. He then runs towards the exit and glances at you one last time.

" I am hungry. I'm going hunting..Penny, keep an eye on her ! If she even moves a muscle, eat her."

Penny seems to get back from his shock and only nods quietly.

When Pennywise is gone, your focus comes back on Penny that, you had noticed, had taken more distance between himself and you after your attempt at affection. As if he was..scared ? You try to approach him, talk or even apologize, but he only growls warningly at you and shows you his really sharp teethes..making you reconsider.

You tried to make them look at humanity from a different perspective, like at your drawing, but looks like nothing could be done..You'd die here. Anyway, the joke's on you since you were the one who thought you could change them..Silly you. Monsters will always remain monsters..Hope ? Who are you kidding ?! You lost that the moment you ended up in that damned sewer ! You start crying and, for some reason, your sobs catch the attention of Penny. He looks at you, then at his pile of toys, then back at you. He then begins climbing it and that makes you wonder what he is doing ? Is he leaving you ? Eat a rotten piece of child ? You have no time to wonder more as he quickly gets back on the ground and, with measured steps, approaches you with the same wariness as a wild animal. He then throws you something and gets back into his corner with a piece of a child's leg in his other hand.

He starts chomping on it and you look at what he threw at you..A music box ? You look at him quizzically and, after swallowing, he answers your silent question.

" Don't read anything into it. Your tears make me uncomfortable, so I got you something to keep you from doing that..If I eat you now, Pennywise would be angry at me for not sharing, and I have had enough of his loud voice for one day. Now, make this thing work. I want to listen to it, it has a nice sound and you have nothing else to do.."

You stay still for a moment before smiling softly at him.

" Sure..Thanks.."

You start playing the little music box and are surprised to see that it is the moonlight sonata of Beethoven..A beautiful music that invades the whole sewer with its melody echoing on the walls. You smile widely, at least something to remind you of the outside world.

Outside, Pennywise has his mind set on finding his next meal, but, suddenly stops in the forest and, weirdly enough, hears the song..Then, the pang in his chest that he felt before comes back and he can suddenly hear the words that an idiotic turtle called Maturin once told him before dying..

" Just because you bury something, that doesn’t mean it stops existing, Robert Gray. You can hide your heart, but someone will one day dig far enough to find it.."

Robert Gray..It had been such a long time that he had heard this name. At the time, he had only laughed mockingly at the old senile turtle..But now..Even Bob had felt it. No..Not Bob..Penny. They had chosen to never speak of those disgusting human names again. But then, she had showed up..They could eat her, never talk about it again, continue hunting children and living until the end of the world..She was human..They both knew that, she would grow old..tired..cumbersome and then die. But then, something else that the bothersome turtle had said comes back in his mind. One time, Pennywise had dared ask why the turtle loved humanity so much ? And he had answered something strange that Pennywise had not expected.

" Humanity has only scratched the surface of its real potential. Someday, you will understand why Humanity is so important, Robert.."

" My name is Pennywise ! The destroyer ! The eater of Worlds ! I have no sympathy for humans ! Whoever they are or whatever they do !"

He kept telling himself that, trying to convince himself but then..Why can't he believe his own words ? What was bothering him ?! Why did he feel this way after only talking for a few days to a simple human ?! Or..was it the tree ? The tree she had drawn ? Yes, there should have been some kind of trick behind it ?! She had tricked them as he had firstly assumed ! But then, why did he feel so out of control ? As if he was wrong ? Did the words of the turtle, for once, really made sense ? He closes his eyes and sighs before punching a tree and making it fall..No ! He wouldn't allow it ! He wouldn't allow the old turtle to make a fool out of him even after death ! He was going to kill her ! And that was a promise ! He was not going to let her question everything anymore ! He would shut her up ! No more idiotic questions: no more opportunities to manipulate his feelings ! Yes ! That would be it ! The idea of going hunting out of his head, he walks back to the sewer with a determined smirk. Yeah..We'll see who'll be the fool at the end..Maturin..

[thebrownssociety]

i noticed that in a past post you had mentioned daffy was in the front lines of world war 2. how was that like? how did toons particularly handle war?

Not particularly well. Toons are not designed for war, they're designed to make people laugh. Added to that that most of the toons were very young [under 15] when they were sent to the front and the story gets sadder.

Warnings: Mention of War and descriptions of PTSD [I have done research, but this is Toon version, so it's not going to tally exactly with humans]

Disclaimer - this is a headcanon. I have mentioned the companies here and Walt Disney [briefly] stating the obvious, it's all made-up.

All of the companies involved did there best to help/protect the toons as best they could. None of the female or children toons were allowed to go and there was a limit on how old the 'adult' toons had to be before they could go. That ended up being 5. The companies wanted 10, the Military wanted three, five was a compromise - although the companies had to fight hard to get that. In the end it boiled down to 'Either five, or they don't go at all'. The companies also re-negotiated the initial year the toons would be away down to 6 consecutive months. The companies wanted three months, so it was another compromise.

Stating the obvious, none of the toons enjoyed it much. Even the ones who thought they would thrive [Like Donald, Yosamite Sam and other 'tough' toons] found it difficult. Not to say they don't remember some bits of it fondly, mainly the comradeship they found, but for the most part it was hell on earth. After the first lot of Toons who's gone in the first month [about 30, mainly background toons, Prince Florian and Sylvester] came back from the front they looked so pale and ghostlike [visually, a shell of there former selves] that none of the others wanted to go and the companies tried to pull them out of it. [This being near the end of 1943] But they weren't allowed to, so the toons had to go.

The time the toons were fighting was 'only' Jan 1943 - end of war, Sep 1945, and the toons were only there for 6 months, but it was a long, terrifying 6 months.

The weird thing was that after the first initial couple of months while there coulor came back and they looked more life-like again, they seemed okay. Really! They could still act - and act well - they joked with each other in a normal manner and they talked to people. Sure, there were a few of them showing more difficulties adjusting - like Daffy who was acting paranoid and was constantly on the edge and Donald who's already-existing anger issues went through the roof, not to mention Elmer who was mute for a few months after coming back and Pete [Disney] who locked himself away and wouldn't come out, not to mention the at least 30 of background toons who were all showing extreme level of difficultly, but, hey, that was only a couple of toons, right? In the grand scheme of things. The rest of them were fine.

They were not fine.

It took a good couple of years [between 5-10] But eventually the cracks started showing. The Toons who had fought in the war started reacting weirdly to loud noise. Jumping onto the ceiling and refusing to come down, hiding under things and in things [like jugs and cups and cracks in the wall] whenever they thought they were under attack. They were having frequent, intense nightmares and a lot of the toon were displaying mental health issues like paranoia and splitting themselves in two [literally. It depended on the toon as to what exactly the personalities looked like, but as a general guide they'd be one 'young' one from around the time they were first created and another one that was closer to there normal age, but looked and acted completely different. Doctor Scratchesniff theorised it's what the toons worse fears about themselves are, visualised and brought to life.]

The toons were also having flashbacks to the war, which is bad enough on its own, but because they're toons the flashbacks literally engulfed them and whoever was near, drawing them into a world that they hadn't been in for about five-ten years. This, as you can probably imagine, was quite a major problem so the three major studios - Disney, Warner Bros's and Hanna-Barbera - put there heads together and came up with a solution, and that solution came in the form of Doctor Scratchensniff. [I do have a separate headcanon on him, covered in my 'Mental-Health' headcanon] The idea was that D.S. would work across all three studios and have enhanced toon powers.

While it's well known that a lot of Toons have been affected by the war, I'll go through a few of the toons that [I headcanon] have had the most noticeable difficulties after the war.

Daffy - He now goes back and forth between his 40's characterisation [screwball, Clampett version] and his greedy-jerkass characterisation in later years. The way it works is he will be the 'sensible' persona of the Greedy Daffy for most of the year [who, for all his faults, does care about his friends/family and can take care of Plucky easily], then he will suddenly switch back to his 40's persona. [Who, although he does still care for his friends/family, he can't express it as well and he has NO IDEA who Plucky is.]

After a bit of help and counselling from D.S. he has identified his major triggers [and Daffy has informed the rest of the LT's so they're aware of them]. For example, flying a plane will instantly put him back in the 40's mindset. For a time it was flying in general that put him in the mindset [which was fun when the LT's went to Australia] but now Daffy's okay with it and can manage small journeys easily. Longer journeys he struggled with, but he simply doesn't go on long plane journeys.

He also doesn't like Toons taller than himself getting in his face, [much taller, I mean. Bugs is alright.] He'll go into 'Fight' mode and try to attack them. Non-expected loud sounds like a car backfiring or fireworks can also remind him of war. Daffy's reaction when he hears something that he's not sure of what it is, it to try and find it and attack it. Either that or he would teleport away to a small space [like a jug, under a staircase or a crack in the wall] and not come out until Avery/Elmer/Porky calmed him down. [Bugs does try, but Daffy tends to get more wound up whenever Bugs tries anything, so the rabbit had to stop.]

Donald - I'm not going to spend long on Donald, mainly because his issues have [I'm fairly certain] been touched on in canon? His triggers are a lot like Daffy's except that Donald is MUCH more likely to try and attack anything he thinks is a threat rather than run away from it. He has inadvertently hurt [both physically and mentally] people he cares about by doing this, but they understand the reason why. Doesn't necessary make it easier, but they understand.

The main difference between him and Daffy though is that Donald has always wanted help. Ever since he realised he was hurting the people he loved, he wanted help. He had time off from work, Scrooge stepped in and insisted Donald and the boys move in with him so he didn't have to worry about a roof over his head and getting food and stuff. [Unfortunately this genuine well-meant, kind act only added to Donald's general feeling of uselessness]

The good news was that not only did Donald have extended family support, but he was best friends with Mickey and Goofy. Mickey was able to lean in Walts ears and convince him to treat Donald more leniently than he might have other toons, he also did his best to help Donald come to terms with what had happened to him during the war. Goofy could - in theory - do a lot less than Mickey, but he WAS more available and completely willing to take the boys off him for a couple of hours/days/weeks if needed. Goofy can cook - and cook well - so he'd bring food over for Donald so that if [as happened often] he didn't feel like cooking he'd have something ready to heat up/put in the oven.

Elmer - Some of the toons when they were put in charge of there units got on quite well, in that they had men who were willing to listen to them, and treated them kindly. Elmer's troop wasn't like that. He was very young when he was sent there [8] and was still more like Egghead. A bit silly, a bit hyper and not as hard as he needed to be. He cried the first time he went into battle and had a lot of trouble trying to gain the respect of his men. This has had a knock-on effect in that he thought everyone around him hated him and didn't like him. Even when he went back to Toontown, he just thought all his friends/family were being nice to him because they had to, not because they genuinely liked him.

Over many years Elmer has come to accept this isn't true and has been in therapy with D.S. in order to discuss it further. On a different note the main immediately noticeable difference upon coming back from war [aside from the fact he was mute for about two months] was that he started sleepwalking. His sleep had never been great at the best of times, but the war gave him such bad nightmares that he hardly ever slept. When he did eventually get to sleep, he started sleepwalking. Elmer being Elmer somehow didn't notice this at first? He thought it was completely normal [?] to start the night in your bed and wake up in Toon-World Australia having somehow swam his way across the ocean and hacked his way through the Australian outbacks to the middle off Australia, while asleep. He then had to spend several days trying to get back to Looney-Tune Street. With this in mind, it was really only a matter of time until it was noticed by the others.

They do there best to look out for him, if one of the LT's see Elmer sleepwalking, they will follow him/go with him and try to look after him. It should be noted though that despite the fact Fudd is clearly asleep, he is somehow aware of his surroundings and should someone attack him he will fight back and, most times, win.

[usertoxicyaoi]

Hey faiza I hope you dont mind sharing, but if you do you can ignore this ask, I wouldnt mind.

I have a younger sister who's recently diagnosed with autistism and I've tried to do research regarding it but I still feel helpless and that somehow I'll mess up. She's still growing and I want her to call home a safe place cause she has trouble with the outside world since there isnt a lot of awareness about autism here. Can you please guide me a bit? How you guys handle stuff at home? Any reading material that helped you. Thank you

hiiii anon!!! that's fine! honestly it was hard. bc my brother is the only boy from us all, and we're 4 siblings. there's me as the eldest, then my sister, then my brother and then my youngest sister. so at first, my parents just thought that bc was my brother was the only boy, that he might be developing a lot slower than me and my sister did as girls, but that eventually at the age of 2 or 3, he'd catch up. he didnt.

and my mum was the first one to sorta catch on that something didnt feel right. so after the health visitor inspected my brother and he got assessed, my brother got diagnosed with autism at the age of 3. my dad was a little reluctant at first to accept it, bc no one in my family history (either from my mum or dad's side) have autism or any type of special educational needs or disabilities, so my parents didnt really Know how to handle this all. but then my dad, after some time, came round.

and its not easy at all. it still isnt even though he's 23 now. but we've had a lot of support from different professionals, who are a whole team that have stuck with my brother at various points in his life, like his speech and language therapist or his educational psychologist or his medical staff or his teachers or his social worker etc. so they've always supported us and given us guidance and sent my parents to various courses - like triple p, something i hiiiiiiighly recommend. as a teacher, i also look into team teach, but i'd recommend even that too tbh, as a way to help and learn about de-escalation, and how you can positively help your sister in her education and broader sense of learning. another thing we also use is PECS - its honestly v v v useful for most children with autism as it helps them visualise their routine/timetable for the day/planned activities, but it also helps in allowing them to express what or how they feel, like hunger or fatigue, and helps them communicate their needs to you, if you help them understand what the visual cards represent.

for my brother, we've always had him have his own bedroom, and thats his private space to cool off and calm down that we rarely go in. my brother's non verbal, so he really has struggled with communication. we know a bit of BSL (sign language) and that helped when he was a kid, but as he grew, his school and his teachers slowly got him to begin speaking. he now only speaks in 3 or 4 word strings, not full sentences, but its a huge development!

my brother's really into disney, so he has a collection of disney books and films in his bedroom. what i'm saying is that get the time to explore what your sister's interests and hobbies are, and make her safe space one that holds her interests to help her feel secure. my brother isnt very into sensory textured things, so food isn't a huge issue with him, but for your sister, explore what textures she likes and what she doesnt. we dont ever force my brother into something he doesnt want to do, and sometimes that can mean cancelling plans last minute as a whole family too, which can be quite upsetting. so sometimes what helps is telling my brother well in advance that we're planning to do xyz on such a day, so that on that day, he isnt overcome with anxiety, bc most children with autism need a set routine, and if that gets disrupted, then they will behave anxiously. so now, when we have to go to a wedding or go out to eat, we tell my brother a week or so in advance, and he's okay with that.

but also, build some independence and decision making in them! let them choose what clothes they want to wear, what food they want to eat, whether they want to do english or maths today etc. sometimes things can become overwhelming and they do hit or bite or pinch or throw things. thats the moment where you just say a firm No and step away. let them cool off, and that will give you a chance to cool off too.

and always make sure YOU are okay too. if it gets too much, speak to your family. make sure different people are with your sister, because it can be physically difficult and mentally emotional. if you want to rest one day and have that day for yourself, tell someone in your family in advance and have some me time, and that will give a different family member a chance to spend time with your sister. that will help your sister build more relationships too! some days, my brother doesnt even wanna see my face, and thats ok! he spends that day with my other sisters or my parents or he'll go out with my cousin or sometimes, just by himself, bc they need that too.

and if you just tell someone, if you are going out somewhere, that you have a family member that has autism, you'll be surprised with how accommodating people are, and that helps so so much as opposed to not telling and then you'll get stressed and anxious too. like, sometimes, crowds and big spaces stress my brother out, even now, for example at a wedding we recently went to. but we told the person who invited us about my brother, and they said its absolutely no problem whatsoever if my brother needs to step out for a bit to get some fresh air or if he needs to be fed first etc. and in the same vein, i'd say to keep your conversations with you and your sister's "team" (her school teachers etc) ongoing, so that everyone is on the same page. for example, if you were to go on holiday or implement a new habit or try something new with your sister, if your sister's whole "team" knows about this, then you are all on the same page, and will help build that new change for your sister.

its honestly a learning experience that will never end, if i were to be honest. and some days its so .... hard. and other days its the most heartwarming thing you'll ever experience. make sure you take care of yourself, including speaking to someone if gets too much, so you can take care of your sister. and soon enough you yourself with just ... develop a sixth sense for who and what your sister wants or doesnt want and who or what she does or doesnt need.

🧡

[rainbowpacifiers]

Twin Kingdoms (A3! Event story) - Chapter 5

Haruto is distracted during rehearsals. Tasuku worries. Yuki pays a visit. Azami is impressed by Tsumugi’s and Juza’s passion for acting. They spotted who practicing out in the cold?!?

Chapter 4 | Index | Chapter 6

Tasuku: Morning. Tsumugi: Good morning. You've got rehearsals today too, right? Tasuku: Yeah. From morning, all day long. Tsumugi: What's practice like? Tasuku: Once again, a stimulating environment. Tasuku: The way they're unified, including those working behind the scenes, is the way it used to be, but Reni-san's influence or the atmosphere within the troupe have changed immensely. Tasuku: Discussions are livelier than in the past, and despite the nervousness towards Reni-san, everyone has come to relax and express their opinions. Tsumugi: The current top, Shift-kun, has an air of frankness too. He's a good kid with a relaxed manner, right? Tasuku: Yeah. I believe the top's personality had a certain influence too. Tasuku: (But Haruto is... Even though he's the lead this time, it feels like he's the only one not used to GOD Troupe's atmosphere.) Tsumugi: What about the lead, Haruto-kun? Tasuku: ...Sure enough, I think he's the one who understands GOD Troupe's plays better than anyone. Tasuku: Only Haruto can perfectly anticipate and grasp the points Reni-san might ask for. Tasuku: He has enough ability to play the lead.  Tsumugi: As you'd expect. Tasuku: (But maybe precisely because he understands Reni-san better than anyone else, he's also most upset about that change.) Tasuku: (It may be difficult for him to change because he's done his best just to embody Reni-san's ideals so far.) Tasuku: (It'd good if he doesn't find himself at an impasse...)

Reni: We will operate the projector video image here. Izumi: That's GOD Troupe for you. Your theatre has a variety of equipment. Reni: All sorts of things should be applicable at MANKAI Theatre too. Since it was selected rather carefully within the budget. Izumi: That's certainly helpful! Reni: This time, I was thinking of dividing the stage in two, into ice country and flame country. Izumi: I see. The ice country, pictured on top of a freezing mountain, and the flame country in the magma underground... Izumi: If it's well divided, it might be easier to visualise them. Reni: Heaven and earth, huh... Reni: An outlandish idea is similar to him. Izumi: Eh? You mean dad? Reni: Let's consider that direction for a moment. Izumi: Okay! Izumi: (I've never talked about directing with other people like this, so this is really illuminating.)

Yuki: Good work. Azami: Thank you. So you came. Yuki: They let me observe since I was already in the meeting for the costume plan. Azami: How was the meeting? Yuki: I proposed some high-cost fabric that would definitely get rejected if we were dealing with the money-grubbing yakuza, but it passed easily. Yuki: They said that it was common for GOD Troupe. I got excited for a moment, but you can just feel the gap, right? Azami: I got jealous when I saw the makeup staffs' tools too. Yuki: I want a bigger budget. Azami: That. Being poor is hard. Yuki: How is practice going? Azami: Hm, I'd heard lots of rumours about Reni-san, so I was considerably prepared, but he's not harsh and actually feels rather gentle. It was anticlimactic. Azami: Also, I've never been with Tasuku-san together for so long, so sometimes I feel disconcerted. Azami: Even during breaks, he's so into his role that he sometimes doesn't come back. Yuki: Yeah. That's the theatre idiot for you. What are the GOD Troupe members like? Azami: Seeing Shift performing all seriously in the practice room is really refreshing and fun. Totally different from his usual self. Yuki: Isn't he probably thinking the same? Azami: Maybe. The lead, Haruto-san's... Yuki: What? Azami: Nah, it's nothin'. Azami: (The way Haruto-san seems... it kind of reminds me of someone.)

Reni: Haruto, Cain's interpretation is shallow. That way, it appears as if he's just taking action while being swept away. Reni: Shift as well; you're still not quite conveying Lutz' feelings for Cain. Reni: Restructure the relationship between the two of them some more. Haruto: Yes. Shift: Okay. Reni: As for Tasuku and Izumida, the relation of master to servant has pretty much come to completion. Reni: I think it would be alright if you brought out more of the affable parts in one another, but that route is generally fine. Haruto: ...... Haruto: (That's right. When Tasuku was in GOD Troupe, he was always complimented, and I was the only one who got criticised...) Haruto: (Each time, I would commit everything I was told to memory and exerted myself to meet all of Reni-san's demands...) Reni: ...Haruto. Haruto? Shift: Haruto-san! Haruto: Ye, yes!? Reni: I was telling you to consult with Tasuku regarding your scene together in the 2nd act... Were you not listening? Haruto: ...I'm sorry! Haruto: (Me, doing something like failing to hear Reni-san's words--) Reni: Never mind. We will be taking a 20-minute break now. After that, we will begin with act 2. Haruto: ...Understood.

Haruto: ....Haah. Haruto: (Reni-san wasn't even mad.... Maybe that means he was completely disappointed.) Haruto: (Up until now, there were so many times where I got severely scolded... And each time, I'd practice like mad.) Haruto: (Without missing what the other troupe members were told, I'd do my best so that he wouldn't take notice of me for the same thing.) Haruto: (I don't have the physique that Tasuku was blessed with, nor the kind of focus where I'm so completely lost in my acting that I forget to sleep and eat.) Haruto: (Rather than getting into my role, I end up being more worried over how I am being seen.) Haruto: (Is my intonation alright? Or do I look like a person with the right quality for GOD Troupe? ... I have always overcome it with effort.) Haruto: (In the end, I have no choice but to do do everything in my power regardless of appearances.) Haruto: (It will work out. It's always been that way. From now on too--)

Haruto: --huh? Haruto: (It's unlocked?) Haruto: ......

Tasuku: "Tch, that pighead! His brains are fossilising with old age." Haruto: Tasuku... Tasuku: Oh, Haruto, are you here to practice on your own too? I wanted to do a bit more too, so I asked the staff to keep it open for me for a while longer. Haruto: Doesn't your troupe have their own practice room? Tasuku: But here, I can do it in the same area as the actual performance. That makes grasping the feeling easier. Haruto: Hmm. Tasuku: Since you're here, let's try that scene Reni-san wanted us to discuss today-- Haruto: I just came to get something I forgot. Tasuku: .....Come to think of it, this has happened before. Haruto: Is that right? Well, I'm leaving first. Tasuku: ......

Azami: Phew.... Azami: (I took a bath, so all that's left is sleep... ah, before I go to bed, maybe I should read the script and go over what I was told today.) Tsumugi: You don't have to put that in the fridge? Juza: 'cause I'm eatin' it right away. Tsumugi: Oh. Azami: ....Hey, show me what's in that grocery bag. Azami: It's all sweet stuff. Don't tell me you're thinking of eating this now? Tsumugi: We got caught by the person who wasn't supposed to find us. Juza: .....That reminds me, we saw that guy while on our way back. Azami: Even if you try to evade the subject-- Tsumugi: No, really. I was thinking of telling Tasuku too. Azami: Who do you mean? Juza: Was it Yamada? [1] Tsumugi: No, it's Asuka Haruto. From GOD Troupe. Juza: We only saw him from afar, but it looked like he was practicing on the river bed with the script in one hand. Azami: Why would he do that on the river bed in this cold? He's definitely going to catch a cold. When he could just use GOD Troupe's practice rooms. Juza: While on the way home, he probably had the sudden urge for individual practice? Azami: Suddenly, while walking home? Does that happen? Tsumugi: It does, usually. Juza: Yeah. Like when you want to try something that you suddenly thought of. Tsumugi: What happens often is when you think of a performance plan while you're walking, right? Azami: Seriously? Azami: (....You guys are the real deal.)

_________________

[1] If you recall, Haruto’s real name is Yamada Genta. 

Chapter 4 | Index | Chapter 6

[starshipsofstarlord]

Clarity |Part Two

13th March, 1989

Mourning is difficult, especially when you have to do it in secrecy. If I were to allow my exterior to slip then those in control would visualise me as a weak link. That can’t be allowed, otherwise I won’t be their assassin, I would be a disappointment. And disappointments aren’t kept around the base for long. They are expendable. At least if I am obeying orders, the fault isn’t completely on my hands. They share that blame also, and so do the Winter Soldiers.

My daughter is dead. A part of me wishes that they had sterilised me, then I wouldn’t feel this hollowness in my heart. She gave me an insight on another life when I thought of all of the possibilities that we could succumb to. As much as Bucky behind his cold walls had once been my priority, she had rose over him. I didn’t even get to hold her.

There was so much pain during the birth, I had no hand to hold, only monsters looming down at me as I endured the torture of motherhood. But I am childless. I never got to be a parent. My mind held this plan to escape, but there’s no point looking back on it. It was all for her, Rebecca as I had named her. I am a prisoner, now and forever, and I have to accept that. If only we had gotten away with our lives, then perhaps I’d change from being a killer, a woman now with nothing to lose.

Perhaps I am a coward, but there is nothing in this life for me other than this forced duty. I am going to ask to be sterilised so that an instance quite like this one never occurs again. But I do not know if they will accept. I will beg if I have to, I just know that I never want to feel this absence again.

The Soldier had glossy eyes, that was all. And then they rebooted his mind again, clearing any memory of little Rebecca from it. I wish they would do the same to me, but they want me to be tormented with the memory. It will make me stay and obey, as they have always wanted.

I am their project, and I have failed in more ways than one. Perhaps not in their eyes, but I can feel my own self disappointment. I have failed as a mother. If I had the chance to say one thing to her, I would tell her how I saw an innocence in her eyes. She is different from both her parents, not only because she is free from life, but because she has not been put under the same torture Bucky or myself had been.

I would tell her I love her, and that she was my one chance at a normal life. And I lost her. I lost that chance too...

“Hold his arm.” You ordered one of the men from your past as you glared down at Zemo, a pocket knife in your hand that glinted with threats. He laughed at you, looking up at you with foreseen curiosity. 

“She’ll find you either way, she’s a tracker and an executioner. An assassin who will stop at nothing until she gets her target, similar to her parents in that way.” His comment only angered you more, causing you to quickly dig the blade through his skin, fishing the tracking chip out of his wrist with your nails, making him hiss from the pain.

“I was going to count to three, but you don’t deserve that amount of pity.” You held the chip, looking at its flashing red light. It only foreshadowed the sirens and explosions that would rush to the area for when she came out of hiding.

Turning to Sam and Bucky, you breathed in, and glanced once more at Zemo. “Get him out of here, he might know something.”

As you went to turn, Bucky grabbed your elbow, stopping you from disappearing again. There was a harsh from etched onto his face, but there was not just anger behind it. There was compassion and an emotion you had a difficulty recognising.

“And where are you running off to?” He needed to know, he needed some clarity again. His memories of you had returned which had made your absence that more difficult to bear with. Leaving again would just take another chunk of hope out of him again.

He nor Sam though that they would see you again, and this was definitely a pleasant surprise. But he didn’t want it to be temporary, as everything between the two of you had been.

“To find Rebecca. If she wants me, she can find me.” You jostled your arm from his grip, looking at the small device in your hand.

“Don’t.” He told you. There had been too much disappearance from his life, including in a literal sense when he was turned to ashes in Wakanda, he didn’t want you to just walk off the edge of the earth again.

“I have to.” You put the device in your mouth, swallowing it, ensuring that it was you that your daughter was to find. “I can’t be selfish in this situation Buck, she needs me. If she wants to shoot me in the head or drown me in a river, I’ll come to terms with that eventually. I am all too aware of the terrible things that I have done, I’m sure you don’t even remember all of them. If you did, I think you’d be more than happy for my dismissal.”

There can’t be any ties to an old life, that is what the men in charge have said. But there is one, that lives in peace, unaware of the survival of her brother. It is a shame that she can’t live, or know that her brother breathes, but as a creation of HYDRA, I must follow her orders.

Her name was Rebecca Barnes, sister to James. She was found in a care home, there were as many wrinkles on her face as scars I carry. It may have been easier if I had deceived her and upped her medication, but that would be too merciful.

Instead, I gave her a true death, and showed her how her brother was supposed to have died, after killing everyone else in the home of course.

We can’t have ties, it risks exposure for our growing empire.

I killed them all first, individually, letting the others squirm as they awaited their turn. And then I planted the bomb, letting the all disperse into smitherines.

I took Rebecca with me, to a little trip to the train station. I also killed everyone on there as a precaution.

She tried to hold onto the rails as I pushed her, but her arms were too frail and weak to fathom a strong hold. And so she fell into the mountains of snow, surely dying a soldier’s death.

I like the name Rebecca, it has quite a ring to it.

[jboofan]

The River where the Moon Rises

She told him she would meet him there, at the river where the moon rises. In his heart Jungkook knows one day she will come.

Chapter 4

Joe-ra blinked hard at the clock behind her. Another late night in the Big Hit studio and another hit song coming she was sure. She had no lyrics for this song just yet, but she had woken from her sleep humming a tune and remembered dancing to it in her dream. She'd hummed it again until she recorded the loose rhythm and had been holed up in the studio every night since.

It was always the same story; most if not all an evening well after closing she'd make her way to the building. She'd nearly been discovered one time when someone had left their bag in the same practice room as her, and after that she waited til late before making her way there. The guards knew who she was, and once in, she made her way to the studio that was always booked under an alias.

Sound proof and safe she was able to record backing tracks of her next album, one she never knew the release date for, but being in the studio let her work on music and visualisation. Maybe she was delusional or overly positive but she hoped that somehow her voice would come back. Too much googling on the subject hadn't done anything to alleviate her fears but keeping some sort of routine anchored her for now. She'd worked her whole life to be a singer, made it and then lost it all.

Perks of a well off family afforded her every hobby she wanted, after music it would be dance. Whether hip hop, jazz, tap or ballet she loved every form. Earphones on, ballet shoes on, to keep limber she'd practice old routines, modify some to newer music or on a bad day she would simply lie on the floor staring at the ceiling. Sometimes grief overtook anything, and lying there silently crying was what she did best.

Knowing for a fact that no one was there to disturb her, it wasn't difficult to visualise the choreography she wanted, even if she couldn't sing the lyrics. Joe-ra always felt the music through dance and it allowed her mental blocks to ease away. Dancing melted away her stress but tonight nothing was doing the trick.

Realising it was a full moon tonight in a wintry Seoul made her way alone to Cheonggyecheon Stream to soothe her soul. Every Saturday she could manage, Joe-ra pulled her coat closer to herself as she watched the almost frozen stream. Eyes closed she listened to the trickle of the water push against the crackle of ice shards as it travelled down the man made stream. The place was usually desserted, and she was pretty sure she'd be in trouble if her manager found her out here so late, alone but none of that ever seemed to matter in the moment.

The picturesque views made a small smile bubble to the surface of her mouth as she took in the twinkling lights, as the sun came into view across a hazy Seoul sky. Joe-ra's memories somehow pulled her back briefly to that night of crazy intense almost mythical sex in that club, promising she would keep in touch, even bravely mentioned that she would meet him here; close to the Cheonggyecheon Stream Steps. But then everything changed.

Joe-ra stared off into the distance. Would he have turned up? She'd dropped her phone soon after and lost a whole bunch of messages, and found when she was ready to speak to him that she couldn't. Oh what cruel irony! She'd played the scenario over and over in her head. Would she have been able to tell him she couldn't speak? Would he have wanted to stay if he had known?

Forlorn of hope, her eyes found the moon. It's large silvery grey figure hovered high in the sky reflected in the ice below.

Ass now numb from having sat there so long alone on the same stone step, and heart feeling colder, Joe-ra willed her legs awake, rubbing her jeans to warm herself up, as she dusted herself off and made her way towards finding a taxi to take her back to the studios.

Sitting amongst the stone steps allowed her to clear her mind, that or run away to her grandmother's home in the country. She struggled to remember the last time she had gone to see her mother's family but now wasn't the time for thinking. It was time to go home, sleep and forget everything.

Jungkook watched a heavily coated woman wait nearby, usually around the same times as he usually did. She was here late today though, not that it mattered to him; she sat back, staring up at the full moon tonight, she was near enough he could see some reflection of the moon upon her face. She was soon up on her feet and getting ready to walk away.

Tonight it was emptier than usual, most likely down to how cold it was, it seemed only him and that woman had made the journey out. He blinked back heavily, his head was full of haziness and he stopped feeling the cold hours ago.

Everyone ignored each other and that was fine with him. No following cameras, no bright lights, screaming fans or struggles with privacy. But his usual late night friend across the stream was leaving and he felt lonely again.

Guess I'm not the only lonely person in this city he told himself, staring mindlessly into the stream a little longer before eventually heading back to the dorm.

Joe-ra walked towards the subway entrance, the walk along the steps wasn't long. She'd noticed the same guy sitting on the opposite side as she always did but he never bothered her, therefore she had no reason to pay him too much heed. She had to cross over the walkway to reach the exit, and the one on his side was closer.

An empty bottle of soju rolled across from the man, as he groaned loudly.

Ignoring him and wanting to simply get home to her warm bed, rubbing her hands together Joe-ra kept walking. The guy's groans were getting louder and it was getting more difficult to ignore him. Then she heard it.

A loud sob escaped him as he fell over several empty bottles at his feet, beginning to wobble now as he tried to steady himself. She walked away stopping near a wall. Damn her conscience. Why wasn't she walking away?

Swearing inward for possessing a shred of courtesy to the rest of the human race, and against her better judgement Joe-ra carefully thought about walking back across the stepping stones linking both banks of the stream toward him and running away.

Jungkook was sure he was drunk out of his mind. He should have stopped himself from reaching for that first bottle, let alone the fifth and then the sixth; but lately his heart just felt so heavy he didn't know how to handle it. Eyes seeing double vision, face firmly on the ground he blinked hard as a pair of black heeled boots walked ever closer towards him.

Oh shit don't let it be the police. Or Nam Joon, please be the police over Nam-joon he sobbed again, half drunk but fully wallowing in his own self pity.

Joe-ra reached in her pocket for a tissue. The idea of touching anyone made her skin want to shrivel up, and she most certainly wasn't going to touch some random drunk. Sighing as she realised she had none, Joe-ra pushed her hand into her coat and used the sleeve to try and paw at him to try pull back his hood with no success.

Getting as close to his face without being too near, Joe-ra studied his face. Nope no idea who this was. She gasped as she saw two full ears with rows of earrings.

A smaller but colder hand moved his hoodie off his face, kneeled down beside him and picked his hair out of his eyes delicately.

Joe-ra sighed. This poor guy's eyes were almost sadder than hers.

Jungkook couldn't see who this stranger was, but they were awfully quiet in their actions. No swearing or shouting. Just sitting him upright, moving his mask carefully which was pathetically hanging off one ear off and brushing it free of the dirt.

Joe-ra couldn't believe her luck. Of all the drunk shits to have stumbled upon, it had to be one of her father's employees. In the most famous band since forever, swaying from side to side and mumbling some rubbish she couldn't uncipher.

Pulling her jumper sleeve out further, she cleaned his face gently of loose grit and stone. His eyes were closed, a small restful smile on his face as her hands moved across his skin, a clean sleeve dabbed his moist eyelids carefully.

Joe-ra moved away a moment, her knees starting to hurt but his arm shot out and grabbed her leg making her wobble and grab his head to stop herself falling.

She shook her head. "Man, I do not want to be you when Nam-joon sees you," she wanted to say, but instead tutted at him, head shaking.

Jungkook sat on the ground holding onto her waist tightly, head against her stomach.

Fighting him off didn't seem to do anything. His grip was solid like someone was trying to take his favourite toy away from him. Nestled against her and getting comfortable he wasn't budging.

Giving up and lowering her head over him, Joe-ra found his hands and held them in hers. After a few minutes Jungkook held them back, realising it was still her hands, and she managed to eventually help him to his feet.

Two cold hands grabbed Jungkook's face and made it stop from falling side to side. Satisfied that his eyeballs were no longer going to roll back, but still very aware that the sun was now going to be rising fast; and with it other people had Joe-ra worried that they would be caught.

Needing to hail a taxi and fast, Joe-ra thanked the submissively drunk that was Jungkook for not struggling or causing a fuss. She held out her hand and he took it. They walked slowly but surely along the walkway, as they reached the steps.

Joe-ra held his warm hand and climbed a few steps, but he suddenly stopped moving. Sleepily he managed a half step suddenly falling on her, causing her to scrape an exposed knee across a step, as his whole weight fell into her back.

Her eyes rolling back in pain, knowing trying to scream out loud would have had no use, Joe-ra resisted the urge to smack him hard instead hitting him in the chest and letting go of his hand in frustration.

Try and do something decent and get injured for it.

Pulling herself upright again and really wanting to push him down the stairs herself, Joe-ra walked off, dusting her hands off.

"Dasi tteona jima," he looked at her drunk and upset. Don't leave me again he kept repeating to her as she realised holding her hand out of his reach made him look around for her and walk towards her. "Why do you keep wanting to leave," he mumbled, "I said I'd come, be here. Stay with you. Why did it take you so long to come? I waited. I missed you. I missed you," he told her sadly, his hands grabbed her face and apologised.

"Mianhe," he hugged her tightly on the steps, afraid to fall she grabbed onto the side rail and him with the other. "I knew you would come. In my heart, I knew you would come. I didn't mean to drink so much," he sniffed, "don't go. I want to show you to them. You're real. And I knew you would come."

Totally confused, and starting to feel sorry for whatever heartbreak he seemed to be going through, she awkwardly patted his back and moved away. Holding out her hand he climbed the steps one by one to hold hers.

Joe-ra used this unorthodox method until they were able to find a taxi, and she literally shoved him into the back of a cab, pulling his hoodie over his head even lower as the taxi driver gave them stand looks.

Clearing her throat and holding out her phone for the plaza location he nodded and turned back to pull away.

A warm hand felt across the seat, found her fingertips, pulling her hand next to his as he tried to pocket her fingers into his jacket. "Jagi, you have such cold hands. I need to give you gloves," he pulled her closer to him, "I need to look after you. Then you won't leave," he snuggled her hands in his. "Cold hands," he kept mumbling as she tried her best to contain her anger at him. Reaching over and pulling his seat belt over him, Joe-ra was sure he even giggled? For someone that Nam-joon had described as a shy muscle bunny, he sure was talkative when he was drunk.

Her finger hovered over Nam-joon's name, she should tell him who she found, but they were nearly home now, and if she was honest she wasn't sure how he was going to react, and worse she get in trouble for being somewhere she shouldn't be.

She stopped. It wasn't like she had done anything wrong so why was she afraid? But if her father found out? Shit she was not ready to even comprehend what would happen if he found out one of his golden boys was getting up no good. She couldn't be associated with that.

His head rolled forward and she cupped it in time and pushed out back. Jungkook held her hands and snuggled into her neck causing her to awkwardly try and strain away from him. She was gonna have to boiled herself when she got home.

Eyes now rolling, she sat as far from him as she could, giving up when his big head kept flipping back and forth as they moved through morning traffic.

"Are you awake? I need your help 148." She typed it quickly hoping he would see it.

Mouth dry as they approached home, Joe-ra was desperate to unbuckle him and get him out the taxi as quickly as she could.

Narrowly avoiding the doorman she managed to get him into the lift where he was adamant he now lie down and sleep.

Punching their floor as hard as her fingers could she had to get him to their private floor to avoid any other residents, the image of her father absolutely pissed off at her actions spurred her on to wildly punch the number until the doors closed.

A quick side glance told her the idiot was still awake and Joe-ra let out a massive sigh as the doors opened to their floor and it was just them. The silence was unnerving, as was the way he wasn't letting go of her hand.

Refusing to leave the lift, Joe-ra kicked him in the ass and he was starting to focus again.

"Are we home my jagi?" he slurred again, enraging her even more. He watched her slender figure impatiently tapping her foot and reached out her hand to him.

"Baby, Oppa missed you," Jungkook grabbed her arm and slid a hand over her shoulder and turned to face her, pulling her into a tight hug. "I missed you so much," he sniffed, hitting his chest, "it hurt so much."

Jungkook hastily pulled his mask off and held her face closely. Big eyes startled and surprised stared back at his.

"Baby," he asked her softly, "did you miss me? Did you think of me?" his voice cracked.

What was that saying about drunks and honest answers? And why did his touch feel not sleazy for use of a better word? Why did she have so much food still in her fridge?

Random thoughts drifted out of her mind as Joe-ra, in the lights saw just how shit faced Jungkook was. Definitely not the same dude gracing the TV, this guy was so drunk and no amount of good looks could mask how pathetic he looked before, or heartbroken now.

Joe-ra nodded her head woodenly.

Jungkook perked up, so happy at her answer. "You did?!" he kissed her cheek. "I'm so soft for you. Don't tell the others." He stared at her until she nodded again.

Jungkook allowed the pretty lady to tuck his hair behind his ear, smiling at the intimate skinship. Reluctantly moving a hand under his jacket and feeling for his waistband Joe-ra yanked on his belt to grab hold of something in case he suddenly started going sideways again.

Groaning under his weight the walk to his apartment opposite to hers seemed never ending. Confident they were no longer about to be found out, Joe-ra let out her breath, and was prepared to drag him by the ankles to the front door if she needed to.

Patting his face to wake him from his stupor she pointed to the digital keypad, hoping he would somehow know his combination to get in. Several minutes of just staring at it and groaning had her ring the doorbell several times hoping someone was in to take this fucker off her hands.

**

Incessant rings of the doorbell woke the guys from their sleep. It was never a good thing to be woken that early especially when their manager wasn't due for another few hours.

Jin, a light sleeper, had the misfortune of opening the door. Before the eldest could get a word out, Nam-joon no longer in his dressing gown but shorts and a t-shirt was rushing toward the shoe rack to grab shoes and check on her.

Unfortunately it was just at the same time as Joe-ra stumbled through the door with Jungkook.

"What the fu—" came a voice, and even Joe-ra knew shit was gonna hit the fan now.

Arm drooping over her, Jin helped walk Jungkook to the kitchen table, the nearest place he could sit himself down.

Nam-joon looked at Joe-ra and then Jungkook as she tried to loosen his vice like grip from her hand. Joe-ra felt Nam-joon's angry face staring into the back of her head.

"Ah," the only sound she could roll as she yanked on her arm free of a sleeping drunk who somehow still wasn't letting go. Whimpering as she rubbed her elbow as it smacked on the table.

Joe-ra's head was pulsing as she realised the magnitude of the situation and to be fair, she didn't really need to be hanging around to witness it. Not when she saw how angry Nam-joon was.

Standing awkwardly with his jacket in her free hand, she made eye contact with Nam-joon as the others slowly made their way into the living room area. Instinctively she held out her free hand to Nam-joon to free her from the drunk mess but she quickly recoiled on noticing that vein in his forehead popping. She knew that look, he was gonna blow and kill them all.

Jimin was trying to not freak out as they watched Nam-joon's eyes start to bulge and slowly turn wide, as J-Hope desperately did his best to wake up their drunk friend, slapping his face repeatedly.

"Ya, pabo wake up," Hope tried to shake free Joe-ra's arm, looking at Joe-ra and apologising for Jungkook but Jungkook had held on for dear life.

"No she's mine," he sniffed now grabbing her with the other hand pulling her into a hug. "I've missed you jagi."

"Um, are we missing something here? He really has a girlfriend?" Jin asked shocked.

Eyes massive now, Joe-ra struggled against him, trying to hold out her hand to anyone that would grab it, as her friend neared. She knew the sibling code, you don't date your brother's friends and she definitely wasn't.

Nam-joon squared in on Jungkook and it really did look like he was going to lunge at the youngest when Joe-ra spotted it and grabbed his arm haphazardly and tried to pull him away for fear of being injured in the crossfire.

As much as Jungkook was still heavily drunk, Nam-joon getting so vexed wasn't going to help right now.

"How? When—" he spoke in English, Nam-joon's anger wasn't letting him get a word out. "Ya," he roared, hands on his waist, trying to digest the situation, "where—" he pointed fingers at them again.

"Why is our yeppeun neighbour here so early? And why is Kookie hugging her?" Suga had arrived in his pyjamas as he read the tense room, in his usual deadpan voice.

"Anneaseyo," he spotted her and gave her a polite nod.

"Um, hyung, isn't that our neighbour?" Taehyung answered confused. "I thought she was Kookie's girlfriend. Our neighbour is his girlfriend? I thought she was American?"

"That," Nam-joon laughed angrily, "is my sister."

[lvmosity]

my only valentine | draco malfoy [2]

pairing: draco malfoy x slytherin!reader

genre: fluff bc it’s a valentines day special ooh la la

summary: you and draco have been enemies since the start of hogwarts despite being in the same houses, but everyone knows you two secretly like each other. valentines day has arrived and you hope to receive a love confession from one boy only; your arch-enemy nevertheless. however, a minor incident occurs caused by draco and hurts you deeply. will your valentines day be rescued?

word count: 3.7k

warnings: minor swearing ?? sorry i swear a lot

a/n: final part is here! received a lot of love on my first one and that made me really happy! thank u all eeek <3 couldn’t hesitate to finish this off because i didn’t want to make u wait a long time so here it is! enjoy :-) also idk if there are errors in here even tho i proofread multiple times, so let me know if u see any !!

tags: @aus-pi-cially​ @biinspiration​ @iwritetrashimagines​ @juliemoney45​ @a-hoe-for-vanya​ @slytherclawmalfoy​ 

read part one → here 

After the incident, you stayed in your dorm for the rest of the day. Professor McGonagall excused you out of classes, each visiting the Professors that you had a class with today to report that you wouldn’t be attending due to you falling ‘ill’. You mentally thanked her for that and you reminded yourself to thank her properly the next morning since you were too upset and embarrassed to walk out.

You knew that at this very moment that everyone was talking about you, you were once again the main gossiping topic. When some students had asked your classmates who were present at the incident, they simply explained the situation and one by one the information had quickly spread like wildfire. 

Many girls felt bad for you, some of the girls from your house even visited you during their frees and empathised with you. After stating that you were feeling alright, they started to bad-mouth Draco by calling him all sorts and making fun of him. You’d never thought you’d hear your own housemates mockingly make fun of Draco but it was a blessing to your ears. Although, you wished for their safety as you knew his father will hear about it and order expulsion upon them.

And by most girls, you mean everyone except a few girls such as Pansy Parkinson enjoyed you feeling dejected. You weren’t the only girl who liked him of course. Since Year One, Pansy has made sure to everyone that she likes loves Draco. You could visualise the look on her face when she heard about the situation, and she probably looked the happiest she’s ever been.

Pansy also made it clear that she hates you. At first, you both didn’t have a problem with each other since you were Slytherin housemates, however, you couldn’t hold back your slight annoyance with her once she showed attitude. But at the start of Year 4, she turned hostile towards you. Apparently, she sees you as a threat and you’d soon ruin her ‘plans’, whatever they were.

Your friends came by during dinner to give the gifts you left in class since you ran out without grabbing them. They each gave you a consoling hug, several uplifting words to cheer you up as well as desserts from the meal they were serving as a Valentines Day special. It did manage to bring your mood up which was a good thing as you were able to focus on something else.

However, the second you lay eyes on the gifts that laid on your bedside counter, you’d instantly be reminded about the incident turning your mood sour. You couldn’t help but tear up which escalates into a crying session. You’ve possibly had around five sessions since then and now it’s six because you just looked at it again.

It really hurt you. His words struck thorns in your heart, he really didn’t have feelings for you at all. You cursed at yourself for thinking he’d have a slight interest in you all this time but now you realised you were wrong; he has always hated you. He despised you. From the very start lasting to the very end.

What does this mean to you from now on? Obviously, it means your crush on Draco should be completely destroyed. No, it needs to be. You’d be a fool to continue liking Draco after that, he literally declared his hatred for you and he had an audience to hear it loud and clear. He’ll never see you anything more than an enemy. He only saw you as a despicable, loathsome, grotesque looking, ugly--

“Ugh, I’m such an idiot!” you cried out with despair and flipped the bed covers over your head.

You forced your eyes shut and tried to shut any thoughts of Draco but images of him kept coming back. It was hopeless. You were never going to get over him.

Time goes by and you watched the sky turn from grey to black indicating that it was night-time. It was time for everyone to head back to their dorms since classes had finished for the day. One by one you watch your roommates, as well as your friends, stumble into the room and hop into bed falling fast asleep minutes later.

You lie in bed, tossing back and forth multiple times unable to get in a comfortable position. It had been a while since everyone had fallen asleep, snores filled the room as well as the ticking of the clock. You concluded that you weren’t going to fall asleep any time soon as you weren’t tired despite feeling the heaviness on your eyelids.

Taking a quick glance at the clock, you saw that it was only beginning to hit 11PM. Sighing, you step out of bed, slipping your slippers on as you walk outside. You knew no one would be awake at this time judging by how late it was thus spending a bit of time sitting in front of the fireplace in the Slytherin Common Room would be a good way to fall asleep quicker and clear your thoughts.

You step into the Common Room and just as you thought; not one person was awake. The fireplace was still lit and burning strongly along with the violent crackling of the fire. The lamps had been switched off leaving the fireplace and the light from the windows to be the only source of light. It was awfully eerie without anyone else in the room but it didn’t bother you as much because you were used to it, it was located in the dungeons of course.

As you made your way downstairs, you were starting to feel the heat radiating from the fire inch by inch. You shuddered at the warmth wafting your face once you stood in front of the fireplace. Sitting yourself down on the carpet, you cross your legs and lifted your hands up to warm them up.

You give a long sigh, relaxing your shoulders and the muscles in your body. For a couple of minutes, you had stayed like this, welcoming the warmth that surrounded you and you felt at peace. You were able to clear your thoughts out to the point you felt like you had moved on from that horrific incident.

“Oh, you’re still up.”

You quickly look behind to see Draco leaning over the balcony, gazing at you. How long has he been standing there for? Why was he still wide awake at this time? More importantly, what the hell do you do now?

Your eyes widen out of shock, instantly turning back and stare at the fireplace and start to fidget with your hands. You could hear him walk down the steps, your heart is starting to beat fast. His footsteps are coming closer. Your mind was racing as you frantically look around. Should you try and run away so you wouldn’t have to face him? Do you stay sitting down and wait for him? Maybe If you thought of a good excuse, you can walk back to the dorm without any awkwardness. Or you can just run away right now and he wouldn’t even have the chance to say something--

Draco clears his throat as he calmly sits himself down next to you. Legs crossed, he also warms his hands up neither saying a word or glancing at you.

You didn’t want to peek at him but you could tell out of the corner of your eye that he doesn’t seem to have a scowl or an irritated look despite being next to you. Instead, he supports a blank face. It was difficult to guess how he’s feeling right now. 

Focusing back on the fireplace, you both sit there in silence, both not having the confidence to speak a single word. It stays like that for a while, listening to the crackling of the fire, hearing his and your quiet breathing, your heartbeat gradually ringing loud in your ears. You were starting to feel uncomfortable with the awkward atmosphere. You weren’t sure if Draco was feeling the same, you were too nervous to check his face.

“Can’t sleep?”

Draco breaks the silence. Finally encouraging yourself to look at him, you wait for him to turn to you and wait for your reply but he doesn’t. His eyes still fixated on the fire in front. You sigh internally. 

“Y-yeah...” Your words wavering at the end. You slowly uncross your legs before bending and pressing them against your chest. You cross your arms and place them on top of your knees, propping your chin on top afterwards.

Great. Draco now knows you’re basically shitting your pants right now. That made you even more nervous. He’s probably making fun of you right now in his head.

“Just wanted to clear my mind and it’s working out fairly good.” You try to laugh your nervousness off in hopes that Draco would ignore your slight tremor from before.

"Your brain must feel as good as new,” Draco said causing you to look at him again, “seeing that you’ve never used it in your whole life.”

You frown at him before rolling your eyes.

“You know, I’ve been trying to see things from your point of view but I can’t get my head that far up my arse.”

You snap back at Draco, waiting for him to give you his iconic nasty look and throw an insult back but to your surprise, he doesn’t. Draco sits there in silence again, he still hasn’t bothered trying to look at you. You were starting to debate whether he was only here to argue or have a normal chat for once or maybe even apologise.

But this was Draco Malfoy you were talking about. He would never in a million years apologise to someone unless they were his father or that he really meant it or if he knew he was in the wrong.

Maybe you should just go and leave him alone, you really weren’t in the mood to argue with him as well as be in the same room as him. Especially after what he said. This will possibly be the last time you exchange words with him, you figured it would be best to stray clear of Draco, ignoring any snide comments he makes and pretend he didn’t exist. It’ll be tough alright but you knew you had to do it.

You sigh once more and stand up, giving Draco one last look. “If you’re only here to tease me then It’s useless to even share the same air with you right now,” He’s still not turning to face you. You didn’t know why you continued standing there as if you’re expecting anything to happen. “so goodbye Malfoy. Nice knowing you by the way.”

You turn on your heels and swiftly walk away, each stepping closer to the stairs. You didn’t dare try to look back, it would only hold you back thus you kept your eyes in front.

“I’m sorry.”

You froze, standing in your spot motionless. Did he just apologise? There’s no way you heard that correctly, no, it’s your mind playing tricks on you convincing you to turn around and accompany him. Just keep walking, Draco didn’t say it.

“I’m sorry.” Apologising again.

You slowly turn around and see that Draco had finally faced you, his eyes bore into yours. Your mouth slightly gaped open as if to speak but no sound could be made. You felt weak under the stares of Draco, you could feel your legs starting to wobble.

“I, uh, didn’t mean what I said before... y’know... me calling you ugly,” Draco bites his bottom lips feeling slightly embarrassed now that he’s facing you. Bowing his head, he continues rambling on, “I didn’t mean to hurt you. It was a mistake, it came out so suddenly--”

“Thank you Draco.”

Draco’s head shoots up, his eyes wide open. He had heard his name come out of your mouth, and it was his first name instead of the usual ‘Malfoy’.

“What?”

“I said thank you Draco.”

A blush crept along his cheeks as he quickly turns his head to the side in an attempt to conceal it. However, he knew it failed as you give a quiet giggle. You found it amusing to see Draco react in a way after hearing his name being said, especially since it was from you.

“For what?”

“You finally apologised to me... and you actually meant it this time without being sarcastic.”

Draco smiles sheepishly, scratching the side of his head with his head still turned away. He couldn’t meet the eyes of yours, he felt too ashamed at the fact that he couldn’t get the blush on his face to fade anytime soon. He gives a short nod as if to acknowledge your thanks causing you to smile in return.

Once again, the silence returns as both of you stand in front of each other, you looking down at your feet fidgeting whilst Draco did the same. Your throat started to dry up as you were too nervous to swallow, the atmosphere became awfully awkward.

“I don’t think you’re ugly by the way,” Draco suddenly said, “you’re the opposite actually.”

Raising your eyebrows, you question him, “Like what? I’m somewhat decent is what you’re trying to say.”

Draco immediately shakes his head.

“Then what?” You were starting to become impatient.

“You’re just not ugly okay? I can’t explain it.”

“Oh so I’m like above ugly but below average looking, maybe those are the words you’re looking for--”

“For Merlin’s sake, you’re pretty goddamn it!”

You instantly shut up, looking at him directly with your mouth slightly gaped open. Draco gives out a long sigh, calming himself down. He had almost shouted it out loud to wake anyone up.

“You’re not ugly, you’re pretty,” Draco said with a much quieter, soft tone. “Really fucking pretty. You were never ugly in my eyes, from the moment I met you up until now, I still find you pretty.”

He steps closer to you, closing in the gap between the both of you before stopping to have only a few metres left. He was practically an arm's length away, close enough for him to hear your heart beating frantically, as well as the heat radiating from you. Draco noticed how you were blushing like mad, after all, this was the closest you guys have ever been.

“I like you Y/N.”

And in the blink of an eye, he steps in further and grabs your chin to lift it upwards before he kisses you. Impulsively, you kiss back as you close your eyes, your lips moving in sync with his. His lips were slightly chapped but it had softened in time as it felt incredibly plumpy against your very own.

His hands gently move to the side of your face, his thumb lightly brushing your cheek. You squirm under his touch but your lips were still laced together, you swore you felt Draco subtly bite your bottom lip indicating that he was enjoying this. And so did you.

After what seemed like forever, Draco pulls apart and drops his hand. Still blushing furiously, you delicately touch your lips. Did you guys really just kiss?

Draco steps back and chuckles, “Sorry, couldn’t help myself.” 

“I like you too.” You randomly blurt out causing Draco to laugh again.

“I know.”

“You knew?”

“I’m not an idiot. You made it quite obvious with your stares and flirting that it wasn’t hard to notice Y/N.” He rolls his eyes.

“Ah...” You said, tucking a bit of your hair behind your ear. “Whoops.”

You open your mouth to speak again. “I feel sorry for the guy who gave me those Valentines gifts.” Draco listens to you curiously, “I can’t imagine the look on his face when he finds out his crush has been kissed by another guy.”

He stares at you in disbelief. “Are you daft?”

“What?” You said, confused.

“I sent you those.” 

“As if. The Draco Malfoy sent me Valentines gifts?” You try to suppress your laughter since you found it amusing. 

Draco shoots you an offended look, “Yeah well, it’s not like I wanted to in the first place. Mother insisted that I man up and woo a girl so I don’t live my life as an old man that’s on the verge of dying as a loner.”

“Whatever you say Malfoy.” Giggling at his poor excuse.

He tuts before he leans back on the couch, crossing his arms, he lifts his head to look at you. He tilts his head to the side and smirks causing you to raise your eyebrows.

“So, does this mean we’re a thing now?”

“No.”

“What? But I just made out with you.”

You turn red at his statement. “You don’t just automatically assume a couple gets together after kissing.” You explained. 

“Then do I have to do something more other than a kiss?” He winks suggestively. You scrunch your face in disgust.

“No, you dimwit, you have to ask them out first in the traditional way.”

Draco lets out an ‘ahh’ and nods slowly. He uncrosses his arms and stands up, still leaning on the couch. “Then will you be my girlfriend?”

You let out a disappointed whine, “Seriously Malfoy, I can’t tell if you’re doing this to be funny or what--”

“No,” Draco stands up and walks closer to you, his hand lifts to grasps yours, taking you by surprise. “I’m serious. I’d like to be your boyfriend Y/N.”

He softly brushes his thumb up and down your fingers, waiting patiently for your answer. He locks eyes with you making your heart flutter. Your mouth kept opening and closing, unable to get a word out. You didn’t know how to respond to his bold question. 

It had only been an hour since you had concluded it was best to discard your crush on Draco and move on with your life. It had only been a few hours since you and several other Slytherin girls were having the time of your lives, badmouthing him. It had been hours since Draco had completely crushed your heart with his hurtful comments. These were enough reasons for you to reject Draco on the spot.

But not enough for it to convince your heart otherwise. No, your heart was telling you to forgive Draco and accept him.

You finally pull out of your thoughts and look at him. Draco looks at you with anticipation and starts overthinking. He wishes that you would answer him anytime now otherwise, he’ll feel humiliated knowing he got rejected. But that quickly disappears when he sees you give a small smile.

“Okay.”

Draco’s mouth forms into a grin, his heart leaping with joy. Oh, how he looked so cute.

“But what about Pansy?”

“What about her?”

“You do know that she’s always had this massive crush on you, right?”

Draco shrugs. “So what?”

You look at him dumbfounded. “I thought you two had a thing for each other.”

“You’re joking?” You shake your head. Draco sighs, “I’ve never liked Pansy, she gets on my nerves.”

“She’s been going around saying she was your Valentines, even showed a box of chocolates with your name on it but everyone could recognise her scruffy handwriting anywhere.” You revealed making Draco snortle.

“Ha! She wishes she was. What a freak.”

You nod trying to believe his words but you still had doubts. Draco notices your troubled look and intertwines his fingers with yours. “Besides,” he starts off. You gaze at him as he gazes back with a smile. “you’re my only valentine.”

Thus with that, he plants a kiss on your cheek making you genuinely smile at him.

●●●

“Ah, looks like Y/L/N finally stopped being emo and joined us back in class.” Mocked Pansy once she stepped inside Potions Class.

Her eyes lie on the back of your head as she struts over to your desk. You lazily sit back on your chair as you watch Pansy sit on the edge of the table.

“Welcome back,” She said with a sarcastic smile. “had an amazing time with your Valentines date?”

You respond by looking at her with a sinister smile. “Oh, you bet. ”

Pansy gives you a weird look before the door slams open and all heads turn to see the source of the loud sound. Draco walks in, his two other goons following behind. Ignoring the eyes of his classmates, he starts making his way to his desk.

You immediately stand up and march over to Draco. Your classmates start to whisper and watch you, thinking you were going to confront Draco and punch him for being an asshole.

Draco stops in his tracks once he saw you were walking towards him, and before he knew it, you grab the sides of his face and kiss him.

Everyone in the room shouts out of shock. They couldn’t believe the scene happening in front of them. One of your classmates, Seamus, makes a catcall causing a few of the boys to laugh. Draco’s goons, on the other hand, looked bewildered seeing him fraternising with the enemy. He definitely had some explaining to do.

The girls looked either jealous or happy. Your friends looked at each other with excited smiles, whilst Hermione just rolled her eyes at the view but aggressively elbowed Ron in his sides after he pulled a disgusted look. 

You pull away making Draco look at you confusingly, still taking in what had happened. 

You shoot a cheeky smile at Pansy over your shoulder, “I had an amazing time.” Pansy angrily glares at you before pushing past you and storms out of the room.

“Everyone’s going to assume we’re a thing now after you kissed me.” He teased as you looked back at him.

“Well, weren’t we always?” You wink at him and turn around, walking back to your desk leaving Draco stunned.

Draco grins to himself, “Touché.”

Both of you knew you two were going to be in the centre of attention again, the main topic to gossip about except this was going to be something new to you both. However, instead of hearing the common ‘Draco and Y/N are fighting again’, it’d turn to ‘Draco and Y/N are having a love quarrel again.’ And that made you excited.

Maybe Valentines Day isn’t a bad event after all.

[outerspaceisbetterthannothing]

Public Relations. Pt 4. Cinema blow job [Calum Hood blurb]

Series masterlist

Summary: you, Calum and a dark movier theatre. 18+, proofread by wonderful @burncrashbromance

***

The auditorium was dark and almost empty. Perfect for the two of you. Going to the movies was difficult enough with Calum, his fans following you almost everywhere. You liked watching new films on the big screen, the smell of popcorn around and childish excitement inside. You came to terms though with how rarely you got to experience it these days. But if you were lucky enough to persuade your boyfriend to go and see a movie, you usually chose little theatres, late-night screenings and caps and hoods low on your eyes. Just like today.

The hall around you was almost empty, 11 pm flashing on a big digital clock. Calum pulled on his green hood and hugged you from behind while you were standing in a short line to buy tickets. You looked back at him, surprised by this sudden gesture. Calum smiled and whispered, “You look good in my cap.” He kissed your cheek and straightened up, still holding your waist.

You did notice that he was in a lighter, more playful mood than usual today, but didn’t give it much thought. You bought tickets and coke and entered the hall when the trailers of the upcoming films were being shown already. You noticed how not many people were there while climbing the stairs, your hand squeezed by Calum’s much bigger one. Only one more couple in the middle of the auditorium and a group of three friends below them were keeping you company tonight. The two of you settled for the higher rows and took off your jackets, leaving them on the near seats. You sat down and gasped from sudden pain.

“You fully deserved that,” Calum reminded you, referring to you biting his shoulder when you suddenly decided to have sex at a fire escape staircase in New York. He promised to slap you for it and he fulfilled his promise when you came back to LA. You had no objection though, enjoying his domineering side. And the sex which followed that punishment you enjoyed even more. So you didn’t say anything now, just settled with Calum’s arm around your shoulders, cuddled into his side, his warmth enveloping you.

You suspected there was something on his mind when you picked up your cup and sipped through the straw. He watched you carefully, indifferent to what was happening on the screen. You looked back at him, arching an eyebrow in a silent question, but Calum only smiled, shook his head and turned his attention back to the film. But the next time you decided to drink, it all repeated. And then again.

“What’s your problem?” you whispered to him.

Calum chuckled, took your free hand and placed it right on his crotch. “I’m glad you asked, baby,” he whispered back. “Cause, you see, I really need your help with this problem.”

You couldn’t suppress your short laugh as you placed your cup back in the holder. Now you could clearly see what was he thinking about looking at the straw between your lips.

“Admit it, you planned this the moment I asked you about the movies,” you accused him jokingly, pulling on the waistband of his sweats and shoving your hand in his underwear.

“I’m an innocent one here. You were bold enough to be sucking right in front of me,” Calum hummed into your ear and closed his eyes, drowning in the feeling of your hand on his dick.

His dick was only half hard, but already so big, you bit your lip visualising it. You started squeezing and pumping him, your hand taking on a steady rhythm. Your thumb was massaging the head, soon you felt wetness there. His dick was getting harder. Calum let out a quiet groan, which took you by surprise. He was usually really good with controlling his impulses, and even though it wasn’t loud enough for anyone in the auditorium to hear him, you still were startled. But you carried on, as he kept his eyes closed and his mouth slightly open. An action scene on the screen came in handy, gripping other viewers’ attention. You soon felt a dull pain in your wrist, thinking about changing the pace or your position, when Calum leaned closer to you again.

“As much as I love your hand, baby, I was expecting you to use your mouth,” his smug words and confidence with which he uttered them made you shiver. You felt a heat wave going through your body, painting your cheeks bright red and making your panties wet. He knew you wouldn’t be able to resist, knew exactly how much you loved being dirty for him. And he was using it for his own pleasure, which only turned you on more.

You glanced down at the other people, making sure they were fully absorbed by the movie, and leaned over his lap. Calum put his arm on your back and started stroking it slowly. You pulled again on the waistband of his pants and immediately put his dick into your mouth. Calum breathed out, his hand moving up to your neck. You went on slowly, not risking anything to attract any unnecessary attention to your deeds. You were taking him nearly on full, working with your tongue over the thick veins as your head was going back up. You hand was holding him at the base, pumping him there. You gave his head a sucking kiss as you reached the top and went down again, shoving him into your throat. Calum pressed on your neck, trying to prolong this moment. But you had to breathe, at least from time to time, so you pulled back, finishing with a kiss again.

You repeated it several times when Calum whispered, “Faster!” You shook your head, still cautious about people in the auditorium. “Nobody’s watching,” Calum groaned quietly, getting what you were afraid of. “I need you to go faster.”

You knew he really did. Calum fully enjoyed slow and deep blow jobs from you, but couldn’t cum from them. At least, not fast. You typically used them as foreplay and knew you needed something different now. So you took a deep breath, wiggled on the seat for a more comfortable position and, after sucking on his dickhead for a couple minutes more and another push on your neck, started raising your speed. You kept bopping your head, your hand following your mouth.You could hear Calum’s hard breathing in the darkness, encouraging you to keep going. His legs started shaking under your forearms and you suddenly got an idea. You pulled his dick out of your mouth and sank deeper, catching his balls with your lips. You kept pumping his dick with your hand while sucking on his balls and felt Calum pressing you harder in between his legs. He leaned forward, the feeling so intense for him. Your hand went as fast as you only could, you got a feeling your wrist could be dislocated after you finished.

“Gonna cum,” Calum ushered, leaning back a little and giving you space to come back to his dick. You changed position, your mouth back on his dick and your hand taking care of his balls. The tart taste of his sperm filled your mouth even sooner than you expected. You pulled back a little, left only the head in your mouth and kept sucking him off. You knew this was making his toes curl and that was making you so giddily happy. As he was finished, you kissed the dickhead goodbye, put his cock back into his pants and straightened back in your seat. Calum still had his eyes shot and was gasping for air. You smiled to this sight.

“You good, baby?” you asked, now being your turn to be smug.

“Never better,” Calum confirmed quietly, finding your hand with his and squeezing it tightly.

It took him another minute to pull himself together and then he drew you back into his side. You finished the film, though neither of you could comprehend what and why happened at the end of it, as you missed the middle.

“You know, it seems to me you got a taste for doing it in public,” Calum tried to mock you as you got in the car.

“Not sure about doing it in public, but I definitely got a taste of your cum tonight,” you retorted with a snort.

“Watch your mouth,” Calum warned you, but couldn’t fight back his smile.

“I think after what just happened, my mouth can afford a lot,” you smiled back.

Calum just rolled his eyes at you and pulled the car out of the parking lot, but you knew for sure this night only started for the two of you.

***

Taglist: @myloverboyash, @calpops, @ukulelecal, @lfwallscouldtalk, @empathycth, @talkfastang, @wastedheartcth, @dreamer-loves-lyrics, @singt0mecalum, @rip-lukes-balsamic, @gosh-im-short, @megz1985, @rosecolouredash, @wildflowergrae, @cal-puddies, @kindahoping4forever, @talkfastromance4, @thesubtweeter, @cassie-sos, @bandsrawesome

[tinkerd]

Interview with Anne Both & David Litchfield first published on www.readingzone.com

A SHELTER FOR SADNESS TEMPLAR PUBLISHING JANUARY 2021

A SHELTER FOR SADNESS is a profound and moving picture book about how a young boy manages his feelings of sadness, not by ignoring them but in giving his sadness the space, care and thought that it needs. We asked author ANNE BOOTH to tell us what inspired the picture book, and illustrator DAVID LITCHFIELD about how he approached the illustrations: Q: What for you are the key ingredients for a great picture book? ANNE: For me, the words have to leave room for the pictures, the pictures have to capture the feeling of the words and extend the story, and both the words and the pictures have to be the best they can be for the demands of that book - be it a funny or a sad book or any other type. DAVID: Oof! that is a BIG question. I'm still trying to work that one out if I'm honest. For me what I personally love about picture books is that you can be transported to the furthest part of someone's imagination but still recognise yourself, and the world, in its pages. It's escapism but also empathy. It's crazy looking animals and creatures but they are experiencing some of the most human emotions of all. There are so many different ingredients that go into these books. But for me I think the ultimate goal is to tell a story that connects with children in the most imaginative way possible. Q: Can you tell us what you wanted to achieve in this book, about how we deal with sadness? ANNE: I hoped it would be good for both children and adults, and that it would help them cope with the type of sadness which stays with us and has to be coped with alongside everyday life. I wanted children to be told that they can build their sadness a shelter as early as possible, as I think that telling children to be 'resilient' (which is a good thing in itself) can sometimes be abusive - it can sometimes really be just saying 'don't tell us you are sad, even though as adults we are doing things which make you sad'. I think children have lots of things to be sad about - big and little things - and learning to build a shelter for their sadness can, paradoxically, help them have permission and space to be happy. DAVID: My hope for the book was to get children - and adults - to talk more about their emotions and how they are feeling. Don't just bundle them up inside. It's important to recognise how you are feeling, recognise that it's there and it exists. And talk it through with someone. A parent or a teacher, or just someone that you trust. The worst thing we can do as human beings is pretend that these feelings are not real and that we should just get over it. Q: Was there one thing that helped inspire the text? ANNE: Yes. I went to a talk at my church, and the speaker quoted this passage from Etty Hillesum; 'Give your sorrow all the space and shelter in yourself that is its due, for if everyone bears grief honestly and courageously, the sorrow that now fills the world will abate. But if you do instead reserve most of the space inside you for hatred and thoughts of revenge - from which new sorrows will be born for others - then sorrow will never cease in this world. And if you have given sorrow the space it demands, then you may truly say: life is beautiful and so rich.' (Esther 'Etty' Hillesum (15 Jan 1914 - 30 Nov 1943) I wrote our picture book text in response to Etty Hillesum's words, so I was trying to expand on her idea that we need to give shelter to our sorrow / sadness, as I thought she had such a wise and beautiful vision, which was, amazingly, born out of her immense suffering as a Dutch Jewish woman under the Nazis, and someone who would actually die in the Holocaust. It was written as my creative response to her words, so writing it actually helped me to think and pray about my own sadness, and I felt it would be a good picture book, to help people cope with sadness that just can't be fixed, but which we need not to overwhelm us or turn us to hate or bitterness. I loved the idea that if we give shelter to our sadness we can truly say that 'life is beautiful and so rich'. Q: Was it a difficult text to write, as it is so pared back? ANNE: I think that because it came after the talk, and hearing Etty Hillesum's beautiful words, and after meditating on, and praying in response, to them, I didn't actually want to use many words. I wasn't paring back anything as such, I was just trying to find my best response to her words, and the writing of it came all at once, but I think the writing wouldn't have come that way if I hadn't already experienced and thought a lot about sadness for years, and hadn't deeply connected with Etty Hillesum's words. Q: Why did you decide the main character would be a boy? ANNE: As I was writing from my own point of view, and in response to Etty Hillesum, I suppose I thought the narrator might be a girl, but I was open to any interpretation. I'm not sure if it was the publisher or David who decided the main character would be a boy, but I am very happy with that. I hope it speaks to boys and girls, men and women, and I think that there is actually something good about it being a boy, as from a very young age, little boys are told to 'man up' and are put under particular pressure not to cry or express sadness - all part of toxic masculinity - so hopefully this will play a part in countering that and telling boys and girls that there is nothing to be ashamed about being sad. DAVID: I'm not sure how this was decided. For some reason I just instinctively drew a boy when I was sketching the book out. I think that's a case of me very much seeing myself in the character as I was making the book. Perhaps an argument can be made that some boys need more help in facing their emotions than girls. But to be honest, I think I just instinctively recognised myself in that character and drew him as a boy. Q: David, what drew you to this text, why did you want to illustrate it? DAVID: As soon as I read Anne's manuscript I knew that I 100% wanted to be the illustrator. I received the project over two years ago and I couldn't start straight away due to other project commitments. I was so scared that Templar would not be able to wait for me. But I was so happy and relieved that they decided to wait until I had finished the other books I was working on. The text just really connected with me and it stirred up some very raw emotions in me. I also recognised that it would be unlike any book I had ever drawn before and the challenge of creating it was something that I really wanted to take on. Q: How did you decide how to depict Sadness? DAVID: There have been a few really fantastic books recently that depict sadness and other emotions as an actual character. Some of my favourites are 'When sadness Comes To Call' by Eva Eland, 'Me and My Fear' by Francesca Senna, and 'Ruby's Worry' by Tom Percival. All of these handle these sensitive subjects so beautifully and visualise what an emotion could look like in the real world. I see our book very much as a continuation of these series of books and the themes they follow. They were definitely a big influence on me when I was drawing the book. In terms of the look of our Sadness, I came up with a number of ideas in my sketchbook. One was a very ghostly, scary looking thing. The other was a teardrop and one was a cloud. But then I just thought about what a typical six or seven year old might draw if I asked them to visualise their sadness. All these confusing and conflicting emotions might come together and it felt like a really messy, scruffy scribble would fit the bill perfectly. Also, I remember trying to articulate how I felt when I was young and the words just wouldn't come out. So drawing a confusing, mess of emotions just felt right. It's also a really great character to draw. you really do feel like you are getting some emotions out of your system and onto the paper when you draw Sadness. Q: David, Can you tell us how you create your images and that special luminosity in your pages? DAVID: Everything starts in my sketchbook and I will plan the whole book out with lots of scruffy sketches. But once I start making the final artwork I usually begin by making lots of very messy watercolour washes, letting the different colours naturally mix into each other. I will also take photos of other textures such as the bark of a tree, or concrete or the sky. I will then scan all of this into my computer and experiment with overlaying each of them together until I find a look and feel that I like. These will then generally take the form of a background for a spread. The characters and buildings I will usually draw out in my sketchbook and then scan these into my computer also. Using Photoshop I will position these over the backgrounds and add other textures over them and just see what works. Basically, its a lot of experimenting and seeing what works with all these different types of media and textures. The luminosity is just an extension of what my art teachers have always taught me about shade and light. But I do like to play around with light and the atmosphere that can bring to an image. I think I really appreciated the drama of light from watching too many Steven Spielberg films growing up. Q: Do you have a favourite spread? ANNE: I love them all! I think the last page is so, so beautiful and gives me hope, but that is because of all the pages that came before, so I couldn't choose! I think David has done an amazing job - the book is so beautiful. DAVID: I like a lot of them. I love the penultimate page where the boy and sadness are walking through the blooming garden. I like the spread early on where Sadness is going through all of the different ways it is feeling and all the different actions it is taking. But I think my favourite image is the simple one of Sadness and the boy sitting together on the log. They are not saying or doing anything, they are just together and there for each other. That's one of my favourite illustrations I have ever drawn in fact. I love it. Q: Will you be creating any more picture books about emotions? What are you working on now? ANNE: I would love to write more picture books about emotions. I have an idea I am trying to find words for - it isn't coming as easily as A Shelter for Sadness but I hope it can work. I also have a little picture book story I am working on, and I am revising and rewriting a middle grade novel, and am waiting to be given edits for an adult novel and should be starting a second adult novel, so I have lots to be getting on with! DAVID: I hope so. I think I will always try and convey emotion in my books and hope that the reader can recognise their own emotions in these stories. Q: Where is your favourite place to work? ANNE: I work in bed (where I am typing this) and in a little writing hut my husband built me in our garden. I also write sitting on the sofa or at the table. When the pandemic is over, I am so looking forward to working in a coffee shop again! I do find it very helpful, when I have lots of work to do, to go away for a few days, to somewhere like Gladstone's Library in Wales, or beautiful retreats in England or France or Ireland I have been to. DAVID: My favourite place to work doesn't actually exist yet. I would love to create art in a cabin in the woods, surrounded by nature. Unfortunately I haven't found that place yet, but I have hope that I will one day soon. At the minute, due to lockdown, I'm drawing my books in the corner of my bedroom, which is not ideal as I'm quite messy and it's quite a small space. It can get a bit frustrating. But, every once in a while I can pretend that I'm in that cabin in the woods and everything feels right again. Q: Where are you most likely to be found when you're not at your desk? ANNE: Maybe out with my husband, walking our dog, or reading in bed, or sitting watching something lovely - I really appreciate good TV and films and I love watching them with other people. I love chatting with family and friends and visiting them. For a post-pandemic answer, I want to leave my desk and travel to see friends and family. DAVID: Mainly riding my bike with my two sons, or walking our dog Maggie, or listening to music very loudly on my headphones. Thank you Anne and David for joining us on ReadingZone!

See original post here: https://readingzone.com/index.php?zone=sz&page=interview&authorid=623a7c5192eb0909e0d251c44bae33c1

[mxrstar]

[ID: the image appears to be a sunset, but there are clouds and mountains fading in and out on both side of the horizon. on the left of the setting sun, it says: "tomorrow comes anyway" / end ID]

TOMORROW COMES ANYWAY

[a playlist for rainy days, with described day-dreams for each song under the cut]

Smile — Mikko Ekko

you are in a bar, or a bedroom, or a field, or maybe a car.

your best friends are there, and you are tired. your night is supposed to be over. this song comes up on the radio, and after the first lines, someone looks up. slowly, you all start singing. ‘the worst is yet to come’ you scream, from the top of your lungs, and though it may not be true, part of you believes it. ‘the future is forever, so smile,” you say, and you believe that, too.

your friends smile back.

A Complete List of Fears Ages 5-28 (aprox) — The Yellow Dress

you have just finished reading your favorite book for the first time, and- you know that weird, soft burst of energy that hits when words line up your life in such a way that the keyhole of the worst door in your heart lines up with the sky? and you think that perhaps this time you can open it and let light in? that’s what you are feeling right now.

the song says there’s gonna be another day, and maybe, if you weren't feeling like this. you'd object, say: are you sure? does it matter?

right now, you leave it at that. for once, it feels like it's enough.

Don’t Stop — Fleetwood Mac

you are on a couch, about to fall asleep. someone is holding you, or maybe you are holding someone. it’s been a bad night, but not the worst you have had.

at some point, your friend starts moving their thumb up and down, caressing your skin. maybe their hand is on your cheek, maybe it’s on your arm, maybe on your leg. you won’t remember in the morning, but you will often think back to how warm it felt. when people ask you "if you could go back to a peaceful memory, where would you go?" you always answer with this.

Float On — Modest Mouse

you are alone in a park, laying on the grass. it’s spring, and you can feel it in the air. there are children laughing, and people talking, but not so many that it’s annoying.

you feel safe. you sing along to the words, eyes shut, hands closed into fists. nothing bad will happen to me today, you think, and nothing will. you write about it in your diary when you come home at night, even though there’s not much to say. you circle the date and the month, and draw a lopsided heart right beside it. you add the name of the song, Float On, to make sure you'll remember why.

World Spins Madly On — The Weepies

something bad happened. you are in a waiting room, or in a bedroom, or maybe in a bus. a person you love sits beside you, and they are listening to music. they hand you one of their headphones, as if to say ‘want to listen along for a while?’

you do. this song is playing. the person you love sings it quietly, and they have a beautiful voice.

it’s comforting. it doesn’t solve anything, but you are not looking for solutions.

'thank you,' you say, and they take your hand into theirs.

Can’t Go Back Now — The Weepies

you are at a party with a lot of people from your past. some of them you have forgotten, or your affection for them has faded, but none of them is a bad person. none of them truly hurt you.

at some point, during a quiet moment, this song plays in the background. there’s only two people who know the lyrics: you, and a friend that you used to care about tremendously. you haven’t talked to them in ages, but you lock eyes as you sing along, and it feels meaningful. it feels true.

you hope they are okay. you don’t know if you’ll have the courage to ask them, but even if you don’t, you think that this is enough. you both love each other, even after all those years.

Almost Made It — Racoon

something important and yet forgettable in the sum of your life went wrong. you lost a good job opportunity, but you have not-terrible alternatives. you came fourth place to a contest that has prices for the first three. you were turned down by someone you hoped would like you back. you failed a difficult exam. anything on that note.

someone brings you home, and this song comes on the radio. they know the lyrics, you don’t. when the songs start, it’s so on the nose that you both end up laughing. but then the person with you gets so fucking into it, and starts performing it like it’s a concert or something. it’s funny. sincerely so.

you ask them “can you stay with me? at least for this afternoon” and they say yes. of course.

Epitaph For My Heart — The Magnetic Fields

you just broke up with someone you love, or lost a friend, and you are with a good stranger.

you met them in a pub, or maybe online, or in class or at work. you don’t know them well, but they are attractive, and they make you feel comfortable, and they respect all your boundaries.

wherever you are, this song comes on. “oh, this is one of my favorites,” they tell you.

if you like dancing, then you are dancing with them when this happens. if you don’t, you are sitting somewhere, and they sway in place, mouthing along to the words.

what matters is: they are very charismatic. you start moving/dancing/singing, too, and discover that you can be charismatic, too.

you like the music. at some point, you forget what the words say.

I Have Made Mistakes — Oh Hellos

you are about to fall asleep, and faint music is playing from your phone. you are having trouble calming yourself down, but then this song plays.

it has been a very, very tiring day. for the first time since you woke up, you let yourself acknowledge it. you feel like you should be proud of yourself, and you are right to think so.

before the song is over, you fall asleep. you won't have nightmares, and you'll dream of butterflies.

Never Quite Free — Mountain Goats

you are on a train, or maybe on a bus. perhaps you are walking, or looking outside the window of a plane.

you are going home, but it’s a new kind of home. something that you are just starting to build, that still feels like a discovery every time you step into it.

sometimes it’s hard to remember that healing isn’t linear, and so part of you wonders if it will still be home, when you wake up sweating in the middle of the night, thinking that you don’t belong, that there’s some price you must pay to exist wherever you are.

but this song is here to tell you: yeah. yeah, it still is home. it doesn’t have to feel like that all the time, but it’ll wait for you, patiently, with open arms, when you are ready to call it refuge again.

This Too Shall Pass — Danny Schmidt

you hear this song live. it’s a group of people singing it on the side of a street. there’s four of them, and they all—they all believe this. they all believe in what the song says. you don’t know why you can tell, but you can.

it feels magical. people stop beside you, and—god, you think you all believe this, too.

and so you are standing there, in a place that you know well, with people you don’t recognise, and you feel life moving around you, and know, deep inside your heart, that this too, whatever this is, shall pass.

Ghost Of Corporate Future — Regina Spektor

you are washing the dishes after dinner, or doing something equally as tedious, and put music on to distract yourself. this song is what plays last, when you are almost done.

it’s a Saturday, and it has been a hard day cause you never feel like you have enough energy to do something you enjoy. as the song plays, though, you remember about a movie you have been wanting to watch for ages, and, for some reason, you feel suddenly excited. you want to see it, and you know you have people to talk about it with. slowly, you realise that you can’t wait to.

your smile grows as the song ends, and you rush to your room to get your computer and watch the movie.

(turns out, it’s very good. a new favorite. you live-blog it to your friends, and your jokes make them laugh)

Not The End Of The World (Even as We Know It) — Faded Paper Figures

the people you love most sit in front of you on a table. some of them are cooking, and those that are cooking put on this song to sing it.

it’s the only one they all know the words to.

they perform it like they are in a theater and you and your other friends are the audience. they make quite a mess, screaming the lyrics in each other’s faces with everything fragile still held loosely in their hands.

you look at them in awe.

eventually, you get up to hug them. one of them kisses your cheek, and hugs you so tightly they raise your feet from the ground, or maybe they shake your shoulders playfully. do something, anything that makes you feel alive.

you have a whole night ahead of you. you know it'll be beautiful.

No Brakes — Pigeon Pit

two people who are in love with each other are arguing about music. one of them says you have to listen to this song, okay? it’s so good. the other keeps arguing that they just don’t like the genre, okay?

it goes on for a while, and it’s endearing. eventually, the first person puts on this song. the other tries so bad to hate it, but when the music comes to an end, and the singer says I’m going to wake up tomorrow, whatever it takes they smile. it's a wide smile, open and sunny, and it's one that simply can't go unnoticed.

their partner screams in victory, then rushes to hug them. see!!! they say, i knew you’d like it!!!

then they turn towards you. what did i say? they go, i told you this was gonna be a success!

and you know what? they did. they did tell you, and you are happy for them. you high-five them, and their partner laughs.

This Year — The Mountain Goats

it’s new year’s eve. not a particularly good one, but not a terrible one, either.

you remember how everyone talks about this song, you remember the singer saying that around new year’s, much more people seem to listen to it. you wonder: who else is blasting it in their apartment right now? even if they are alone, and maybe especially if they are?

there must be more than you can visualise, sitting on their couch with their tv on mute and their phone opened on this one song.

some of them must be good people. you are not in this together, not really, cause you can’t reach them, but you are not in this entirely alone, either. not in a way that matters. not in a way that counts.

we are all going to make it through this year, you think. we have to.

I Know The End — Phoebe Bridgers

it’s today, or tomorrow, or ten years from now, and you are scared, but not in a way that hurts.

you are scared as background noise, cause you can’t tell, can’t know what will happen now.

and maybe the end is here, maybe something is about to fall, and there’s not much you can do about it.

you listen to this song, though, wherever you are now or will be in the future, and you think you like the music. you like that someone sat down and wrote it.

it’s not enough, but you make it be. just for now. just for a while.

[freykitten]

Frey’s fic recs list!

I realised there’s a dry spell happening in my fic reccommendations tag (”can i interest you in this masterpiece”, perhaps with a question mark at the end idk anymore), and we’re off season, so appreciating the writers creating content now is very important, so here’s a very incomplete list of season 12 (with a smidge of CDR) fics I’m obsessed with. 

It’s absolutely not all the fics I would happily rant about to everyone who listened - it’s very on top of my head - but almost all authors I mentioned have more RPDR works, so check that out and browse the tags of ships you’re interested in (that’s how I found a big part of those gems). Oh, and comment, even if it’s just keysmash or screaming. It means the world, trust me on that.

“we didn’t start the fire” by @pink-grapefruit-cafe - lesbian AU, multichap, in progress (Jankie, Ninex, Trixya + I’m hoping for Kamasia)

When I think of this story, I start smiling and bounce with excitement, because it’s just that freaking fantastic. I’m still in awe with how well Charl is executing this concept, and I stopped expecting anything less than splendind from her even before I got to know her. How does she know so much about firefighters? I’m guessing a lot of detailed research came into outlining this story and I have the most respect for that. But the plot! Okay, so it’s a firefighter AU. I can’t tell you too much not to spoil anything important, but it starts with a bang to your own head, and then it doesn’t slow down. We get to explore characters one by one, but through the lense of relationships and dynamic, and it’s done in such a smart way. I promise you’ll be hooked one paragraph in, and by the end of the first chapter- you’ll be addicted.

“A Goode Idea“ by @goodemornting​ - lesbian AU, one shot (Crygi)

I had and incredible pleasure of betaing it, but I’m not biased at all what I say this fic is hilarious. It’s fantastically written and had me surprised at every turn. I had the most fun reading it each time. The idea is, well, absurd. Like, literally. Crystal gets her hand stuck in a vending machine on her way to a blind date. But our girl is not a quitter, oh no, but the machine is runway commentary on Drag Race and Crystal’s hand is jokes about Michelle’s breasts. Just... can’t let it go. Thankfully, there comes salvation in a form of Gigi Goode, who’s been stood up on a blind date. Are you, like, connecting the dots here? Because they’re not. At all. This fic is prime entertainment, give it a read.

“I Remember“ by @imposterzoe - one shot (Jiji)

MY HEART WAS RIPPED OUT, SET ON FIRE, AND STEPPED ON, BUT NOT IN ATTEMPT TO PUT OUT THE FLAME. I thought about this fic and, jesus, it still hurts. It’s a great angst, truly a great one. It’s all loneliness and heartbreak and yearning that makes the lungs burn. “dear god he needed a hug. But the one person he would accept it from was in another man's arms, on the other side of the country.” - I can’t get this line out of my head and I don’t regret it - it’s a very good one, but it just hurts a lot. Incredible, incredible work. 

One Direction (to your heart) by @opalescent-cheetah​ - lesbian AU, multichap, in progress (Jaida/Crystal)

Back to the fun stuff! IT’S A SOULMATES AU. I’M WEAK FOR SOULMATES AUs. And you might not understand my love for that trope (it’s legit my favourite one ever), but you will understand my love for that story as soon as you start it. It’s a fun spin on the soulmate tottoos trope - you’re not born with it, but once you get your first tattoo, it’s mirrored on your soulmate’s skin. And Jaida really doesn’t get the appeal of having the universe decide for you about who you’re going to love - she prefers to make that decision for herself, so when arabic letters spelling “One Direction” appear on her chest, it’s less than ideal. But she doesn’t think too much about it. That, or the fact her new coworker insists of blasting 1D songs all day long. She might not enjoy Crystal’s taste in music, but she sure enjoys her company. A lot. A whole lot.

I almost forgot to mention it, but the fact each chapter has a seperate illustration drawn for it? And they’re all so pretty? Wonderful.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered by @missjanjie - lesbian AU, multichap, in progress (Sportsdoll, Crygi)

I promised myself one rec for one author and with Joley it was the most difficult to stick to that rule (and we’ve had Charlotte on this list, and I’m whipped with everything she writes, so visualise the struggle here). But I chose this one, because it’s just!!! so good!!! Jan is a simple collage student with typical collage student problems. You know, exams, boring readings, pining for your French pen pal, morning lectures, handing in assignments on time. Crystal is her roommate, and has typical roommate problems: sharing chores, remembering which sweets are whose, and telling your secret crush you have to pretend to be in love, because your roommate decided to invite her French pen pal to your wedding, so now you have to stage everything. That’s a normal Tuesday evening for them. And an awesome story for you to follow.

“small wonder“ by wildewoman_22 - lesbian AU, one shot (Jankie)

This list is supposed to be fics that live rent-free in my head, so this one should have been put as the first one. It made me sob. It’s so unimaginably beautiful (I’m already getting tears in my eyes and I’m not even talking about the plot, oh my god). Jackie and Jan decide to have a baby, and it’s the most raw, magnificent, but also heartwarming portrayal of pregnancy and different ways to understand motherhood I’ve read. So absolutely beautiful and filled with love. Just, a masterpiece. So mindblowing.

“Some Things Are Bound To Be” by @dollalpaca​ - lesbian AU, multichap, in progress (Kyara)

In Polish we have that saying, “to approach something like dog would a hedgehog”, and to say that was me with that fic is like not saying anything. I love Zyanny and I’m always going to be proud of the things she creates - be it a fic, a moodboard, or a bullet journal - but I didn’t really watch CDR, and the bit I have seen didn’t convince me. So it took me a while to get to that fic. But when I did. Jesus, the only advantage of catching up on it late was the fact I didn’t have to wait for updates, because it’s so good I’d go crazy, like I am now. Kyne is an accountant in a big company, all she wants is to do her job and mind her own business. Really. Give her her papers and peace. That’s all she’s asking for. So of course she’ll get something else - a rumour she’s dating the daughter of the company’s boss. But Kiara is hot and nice and seeing her laugh makes Kyne’s heart do stupid things, so what the hell. One thing she doesn’t know is Kiara’s past, and that might complicate a few things. I don’t know Kiara’s past either and Zyan won’t tell me and I’m going crazy here. Come join me in my misery - the way her characters are written makes it all worth it.

“countless chances” by @essenceofhall - lesbian AU, one shot (Crygi)

IT’S A HARLEY QUINN/POISON IVY AU, PEOPLE. And it’s blowing my mind. The characterisation in that fic is immaculate - it’s like original personalities of Ivy and Harley were mixed with something very, very original, and it’s owned - done so surely and with so much craftmanship - they feel organic as Crystal and Gigi. This fic is the best way of creating an AU based on existing characters I’ve read, and with a lot of certainty I can say that it will remain as the best one. It’s pure brilliance. I am blown away. Impressed beyond the point of expression. 

“Blue Neighborhood” by @imalwaysaslutfordrag - lesbian AU, a series of astounding one shots, in progress

I won’t write too much about this, because I probably could whip out a separate post about BN and it would be just as long. It’s one of the best stories I’ve read in my entire life, and I don’t mean just fics, I mean all literature. Every aspect I could talk about is entrancing. Phenomenal work that deserves all the praise.