#died after her shed
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back when i was a kid like 12 years old or whatever i think i had a pet madagascan hissing cockroach and her name was Rema!!! i loved her so much and i kind of miss having her around, she was supposed to have a partner but he died in the mail sadly. i would let her out like every night into this big playzone i made on the carpet with a wall of little pebbles and it had a tiny sandpit and cardboard tubes and sticks and grass piles and she could climb all around the plantpots and i would hide her favorite snacks for her, she loved basically anything with corn in it, cornflakes and boiled sweetcorn on the cob! i probably could've taken care of her a lot better and made her shedding location a lot safer and she was probably really lonely. once i gave her a little plastic bug that vaguely resembled a roach but idk what it is tbh and she would always sleep right next to it or on top of it I've always been looking forward to getting a mischief of rats as my next pet but since its circumstantially probably not very possible yet i kind of want to try keeping some more hissers!! madagascan hissing roaches are so interesting and cute and chill and relatively low maintenance i love them a lot
#i think i might also just be feeling guilty tbh#i read my journal from years ago and apparently she only lived for like 3 months???#died after her shed#i definately couldve taken better care of her lol#as much as i loved her idk why I didn't do it properly:/#hissing roaches#madagascan hissing cockroach#childhood pets#i have a lot of different theories on her death but TBH its probably multiple things#this is why they called me the bug kid lolz#among other things
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child’s play
#hellsing#integra hellsing#enrico maxwell#the major#max montana#alutegra#alucard hellsing#hellsing ultimate#alucard x integra#alexander anderson#the captain#its a colour sketch so i forgor to delete some sketch line 😭🙏#too tired to fix and render this so its just there 💀💀#kid enrico being bandaged up bc he died#integra only shed like one tear on the final battle#major is the only one smiling after the battle#only integra hug her teddy dog because only she sees alucard as more of a family than an asset#uh also if u can see it enrico holding anderson up parallel to him with their cross parallel each other#bc enrico and anderson was on the same side as long as they serve the same cause which is their religious faith#he held on anderson’s head bc hes higher ranked but he doesnt hug anderson as family#integra held onto alucard bc she fear of losing him#and major sees his cards as pawns to serve his entertainment#and out of the trio only major sit comfortably because of course he started the battle he enjoyed it the most
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If it's okay with you, could you write a drabble about the hypothetical aftermath of Amane getting attacked by Kotoko?
Welp thank you pal for making me absolutely insane with this request 👍 I ran through a few hypotheticals and realized I had to shift some things around since there were so many absolutely tragic outcomes. I worked something out but damn if it didn’t make me emotional to think about how uniquely rough Amane has it. Even making sure she's in a good place at the end, this got pretty serious, so warnings for child abuse and cult references.
(So in canon, Kotoko goes in order and attacks Fuuta, but Kazui steps in. Then she attacks Mahiru while he’s distracted with his injuries. She’s about to attack Amane, but Mikoto gets in the way (my hc that he did it on purpose survives!). By the time they reach a draw, Kazui is back, and the two of them can prevent Kotoko from any further action against Amane. Sticking to this apparent system of three attacks and one rescue, I’m just shuffling around the injuries for this story. Fuuta’s attack went unnoticed, and he’s in the same state as canon Mahiru. Mikoto steps in before Kotoko can fight Mahiru, so Mappi’s the one who get out physically unscathed. While Mikoto checks on Mahiru, recovers himself, or discovers Fuuta, Kotoko is able to attack Amane next. Kazui comes to help, but not before she leaves Amane looking like canon Fuuta.)
Mahiru could practically feel her heart shatter into a million pieces when Amane finally cried in front of her. She hadn’t shed a single tear yesterday – it was the shock, Shidou said. Mahiru was skeptical. After all, she had been shocked, too, and cried plenty.
Amane woke as she came in with breakfast. She took a moment to survey herself, bandages peeking out from beneath her pajamas and an eyepatch securely over her right eye. As calmly as one might say “good morning,” she started to cry. Mahiru might have missed it, if Amane hadn’t wiped at her good eye with her sleeve.
“Oh, sweetheart…!” Mahiru rushed over to her. “It’s okay, I’m here.” She wanted nothing more than to wrap the girl in a secure embrace, but she remembered the mass of bandages that were around her chest. Shidou had mentioned broken ribs and bruises. It took everything in her not to cry along with Amane, at the thought.
“I can get you another ice pack, if you need. Or more medicine.” Her mind spun with ways to help with pain. Many of the first aid supplies had been used to keep Fuuta from the brink of death, but surely there were extras to spare for Amane.
The girl just shook her head.
She muttered, “I can’t… I…I’m going to be punished, I’m going to be punished…”
“No! You’re safe now.” Mahiru placed her hands gently on Amane’s arms. “Kotoko’s not coming back. We’re all watching over you. You’re safe. She’s not going to hurt you anymore.”
“That’s not…” Amane pulled away. Her voice stayed level, despite hiccups interrupting her. A hand reached up to her eyepatch. “It’s this. It’s all of this. It’s sinful. I took it off last night, but he must have…” She started unwrapping it. “They’re going to punish me...”
With a careful motion, Mahiru held it in place and took Amane’s hands into her own. She’d been picking up on the signs ever since they arrived here together, and a final wave of understanding washed over her.
“I can’t let you do that.”
Amane’s expression twisted, though words came out far more frantic than fiery. “Let me go.”
Mahiru didn’t. “I’m sorry. Amane, you need this treatment.”
“That is not your decision to make. That is not any human’s decision to make.”
Mahiru pressed her lips together. “I know. But I can’t watch as you… I can’t sit by again while someone…” She was careful not to apply any pressure, but she could no longer fight the urge to gather Amane up in her arms. “You don’t need to be afraid of those people, anymore.”
“I’m not afraid.” Amane hiccuped. “They love me, and I love them. I need to be good for them.”
“I love you, and I don’t want to see you in pain.”
“You just pity me because I’m young.”
“Why does your age matter? You are a lovely young woman – you are my friend – and I can’t bear to see you in pain.”
The two sat in silence for a moment. Mahiru doubted she would take that as an answer; Amane had refused to call any of the others her friend. At least she didn’t argue. In fact, it seemed she was leaning into the embrace a bit more. She sighed a shaky breath into Mahiru’s uniform.
“Listen, Amane. Can you do me a favor? I’m trying to be a good girl, too. To make up for something awful, I need to make sure you’re alright. Can you help me? Can we be good together?”
A long pause followed. Amane’s voice spoke up, ever so gently.
“I suppose I can consider it.” She added quickly, “for the sake of your redemption. Of course.”
“Of course.”
#milgram#amane momose#mahiru shiina#thank you so much! i dont want to be bubbly on such a serious drabble but i want to give an enthusiastic thanks because this one really got#the gears turning!!#i started making plans as soon as i saw the ask and it took so long finding something that wouldnt result in straight up tragedy :(#if i kept to the initial timeline and said kazui didnt step in until amanes attack then both fuuta and mahiru would be close to death#and given there seems to limited supplies i think one of them would have died if shidou needed to treat three critical patients#so i moved people around to make sure everyone survived#which brought me to the main problem of amane self sabotaging her medical care#even minor injuries could have resulted in death if she got her way and removed bandages/refused treatment#but the mental strain of keeping the treatment would be just as bad as the physical pain -- shed be paranoid 24/7 of#divine punishment and repeating the mistakes that led her here.... it would hurt more to be forced like that#so i needed someone to be able to get through to her gently#but the only one who shes been able to trust just got the shit beat out of him and is in no position to talk!!!!#everyone else would just make her more upset or not know how to convince her the right way :(#still - i think mahiru could do it the best! with her own trauma from allowing loved ones to die in front of her i think shed be motivated#so. yeah.#i know amane is supposed to be talking in the plural pronoun now but i couldnt get it to work - lets just say that kicks in soon after this#tw cults#tw child abuse#drabbles
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Funniest shit ive seen from an arcane blog was them getting mad at caitlyn and vi for being shipped when caitlyn is bad to her, then immediately shipping ambessa and vi… ambessa, aka the one that murders children and thinks all people from zaun should die. Cant make this shit up
#arcane#arcane spoilers#dont get me wrong. caitlyn is a shitter in act 1 to vi#how the other acts handle her will determine how i feel about her#i hope its grief. i hope its to show how horrible grief is#because her behavior somewhat resembles vis when she lost her family.#and how vi was to powder#but idk.#caitlyn fucks up but calling it abuse is pushing it. she lashes out after her mom dies#if caitlyn refuses to properly apologize and make amends#yeah i wont be fond of her#but hopefully she does#and like. yeah vis character is goin g through it#is it pathetic? yeah a little. but she was in jail for 6 years and starved of human contact#it isnt unbelievable that shed latch onto the first person that showed her any affection#shes still young like. thats what being in your 20s is like#fuck ambessa btw#the hypocrisy to hate caitlyn while loving ambessa??? tf
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lizzie get two wolves 👍
#strato.txt#oil painting#wip#im worried ive unbalanced the composition w the second one on the right tho... its so much closer to the edge#ugh whatever. aunt lizzie is the focus here#i wish i knew what she actually looked like this is just cobbled together from general features of my family#solid build... dark curly hair... bigass ears. she could be one of my cousins. she could be me#ok rq im gonna lay out the story in the tags for anyone who hasnt seen the previous lizzie art#my great-something aunt lizzie was disabled and couldnt walk very well and she died young#she wanted to see the second floor of the farm house real bad but no one ever carried her up there and she died before seeing it#they buried her in a long white dress somewhere down at the creek. we dont know where her graves lost unfortunately#the night she was buried something wearing a white dress walked into the house and up the stairs and disappeared#and sometimes you can hear her down around the creek screaming#somewhere along the line wolves got mixed into the imagery for me#my uncle told me a story about another 'white thing' that was wolfish and would jump on cars#so i just assumed lizzie was a werewolf my whole life#anyways. i think her staying after she died was a manifestation of her desire for autonomy. maybe#maybe if shed had modern accommodations she wouldnt have felt the need to stick around. or maybe she would have idk#either way i think death afforded her control over her own desires in a way she hadnt experienced before#and i think thats why she still hangs around the creek#i hope she would like this. maybe ill take it down there and leave it out for a night when its finished so she can see
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#had an interesting conversation with my sister the other day. odd i guess bc my sister is pretty smart#on paper shes smarter than me. or at least less dyslexic than me#but she didnt seem to kno what cancer is. i mean like how it works. i mean. cancer is a mistake. a confluence of unfortunate accidents#leading to unrestrained cellular growth. when it metastasizes. when it moves to other parts of the body. those same cells continue growing#if u have smooth muscle cancer and it moves to your kidney. you body is trying to grow more smooth muscle on your kidney#at least as i understand it. and she asked why it wants to kill you. it doesnt want anything. it just is. its not a thing of malicious#intent. its neutral. it grows. it takes up resources. it takes up space. and it grows and grows until the organ it grows on stops#functioning properly. like a parasite she said. but no. not like a parasite. it grows like an empty space. a mass of flesh. a constant#obstructive pressure. it grows like only a tumor can. i dunno. it didnt seem to connect with her that this thing didnt want to kill our mom#but it did anyway. and she felt weird about how long she lived after they took her off any support. but thats how cancer kills#it stops an organ from functioning and most of those r important so it only takes one. so her heart kept beating for 12 more hrs bc it was#meant to beat for 40 more years. but not much it could do without working kidneys and without working blood#but that's life. that's death. that's nature. its all nutral even if it feels horrible to the individual.#i dunno. i thought it was interesting. shes 25 and her mother had cancer for 10 years so id think shed kno more#we're at a weird phase now bc its been a week since she died and everything feels normal. we'll see what happens at the wake this week#its been interesting for sure bc she was sick for 10 years but my parents didnt prepare at all for her to die#so my dad is scrambling to put together the pieces shr left behind to make sure that all the bills r paid and whatnot. he had to guess her#computer password. she didnt tell us what she wanted us to have. she didnt tell us the importance of her jewelry and who it belonged to#before her. i dunno. we're seeing the outline of my mothers Pathology in what she left behind. both in the physical objects and in the#feelings she imparted. i dunno. its been weird#unrelated
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some of my durges heehee some of my tavs: [part 1] [part 2]
#HIII dont read the tags if you dislike talks of extreme violence OR murder OR torture OR cannibalism OR just general bhaalist activities lol#if u do read the tags though llol hiiiii sorry for the ramble but erm. enjoy ig#something ive done with all my durge playthroughs is have orin take a trophy from each of their bodies in some way.#in this case; casimir's horns and carrion's right eye#she took casimir's horns and capped them in gold as a slight#before da lobotomy cas said the way shed kill herself after murdering the world was to forge herself a crown of gold from her own horns#cas wanted to be king of the murdered world in the name of her father. therefore crown. yeag#“crown” as in she would pour molten gold over her horns and let it drip down and boil her alive before she joined murder dad in death#so thats exactly what orin took from her#she made her horns into a golden crown then took it from her by cutting them off#in my head orin made the crown of horns wearable and would wear it during their duel#carrion's trophy situation is different from casimir's#carrion's name pre-orin lobotomy is still unknown to her#carrion was just the first thing she remembered when she woke back up after everything#all because orin called her that while torturing her#orin picked at her body like it was carrion and she was a vulture. she plucked out her eye and cut her open and ate her flesh and innards.#and when carrion finally remembered this she decided to keep the name and wear it with pride#as she would the the world's final piece of carrion#made to be the final rotten meal for her father to supp on after the world dies by her hand#she would be the carcass that houses the world. a true gift of flesh and murder only for her father#ALSO orin kept carrion's eye in a jar on her desk to look at fondly while doing her creative writing or whatever idk.#after carrion killed orin and found her eye she ate it lmfao#ok that’s all bye :3#my art#my durges#bg3#bg3 art#artists on tumblr#baldurs gate 3#dark urge
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the fuck do you mean I have to leave....
#like. i fully knew this would happen#but the moment is just. so disheartening#'what if we lose the best of our generation' girl so i wasnt the best... cause you just sent me out with low expectations....#<- ngl this fits my character... but at what cost#the way i characterize lori (my vault dweller) is that shes jokey and shes fun and she doesnt take things too seriously#shes had sort of an 'adventuring spirit' and was mostly skilled with weapons and thats why she was sent out#and like. everything was silly to her in the wasteland until her companion (katya) died under the cathedral. then it became too real#and the master conversation traumatized her a bit cause like. here is the creature that caused suffering. and now its real and its so much#more horrible than she was taking it as#also the masters body horror freaked her OUT. cause supermutants etc seemed like just... altered humans. just enemies or just a person#but the master (even tho technically posthuman) was something else entirely#and it became so real and she got a huge reality check and she cant look at anything the same#if not for the master shed probably get back to the vault and keep going in and out. but after the cathedral? she just wanted to go home#safe underground with normal people. maybe nobody would understand her but at least she wouldn't be in that horrible world out there#maybe shed even go with ian and tycho and maybe even dogmeat. and they could be safe from freaks and zealots. but no#when she finally did want to go home - she got locked out. reminded that she was never the best of the generation#and when she finally became that and saved everyone - shes still wrong. not good enough -> too good and too much#shed be a bad influence. she was meant to do the job she was given and shut up and be thrown away when she fulfilled her duty#which ties into her never really doing a job - she doublecrosses gizmo and that maltese falcon guy and the adytum guy etc etc#even when she gets tandi back she goes back to murder everyone there (raiders) though she said she wouldn't#but before it was silly. she was being smart and having fun adventuring even if it got difficult sometimes#but the master was real. katyas death was real. ian almost died. everyone who ever agreed to help her either died or almost died (followers#and bos paladins#)#like shit. lori was NOT meant to be that deep........#also i have thoughts on aria (vault dweller i played before the save got corrupted and i had to abandon him) but there less formed#because when i had to stop playing him and make lori he was only at necropolis for the 1st time#oh my god.... this too ties into lori being always secondary#my poor girl.... i think she died young#young as in like. 30-40
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anthony fuckup-baby soprano jr is my favorite character in the entire show
#hes a sweet kid? hes just been dually abused by an amoral materialistic mother and a violent murderer father#’aj is annoying aj sucks’ hes a severely depressed teenager raised in a hyper masculine hyper violent environment???#his miserable bitch grandmother told him as a baby everyone dies alone and life is meaningless. notice how ONLY AFTER aj looks super upset#does livia finally start chowing down on her food. she needed to damage him psychologically to feel alive#UGH!!! i love the shit out of the sopranos!!!!!!! 😭😭😭#i relate so hard to aj lmao. that. like feeling of knowing ‘im the least successful of my family’#‘but carmela feels guilty though’ she can blow it out her ass 😭 she could leave him shed just rather ruin her children than be broke!!!
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like ronnies wuest is ALSO really really good but you basically get to say to her everything i wanted to say. about it not being her fault and about how much i love her and want her to be free and live her own life and not tie herself to a sinking ship forever. girl i love you sometimes your family is determined to wallow in the mud but YOU dont have to. but like you get to tell her that straight up. the combo of not getting to say everything i want to say + arcade LEAVING ME FOREVER. SOMETHING I DID NOT KNOW WOULD HAPPEN. just leaves me with this big aching arcade gannon shaped hole in my heart that will never be filled by anything else as long as i am on this earth. i get to go back to my apartment every night and go HONEY IM HOME and kiss veronica on the mouth. i wont see arcade again for months and months and months of in game time. and i miss him dearly.
#this is very immersive becayse of how i set up dannie and arcades relationship#ie: hes been someone shes known since she was a kid and pretty regularly would run away from home#and at some point made freeside her hangout spot when she was on the run. and would bother the followers. so in my mind#arcade (who i think would be ~10 years older?) would kind of be her tutor and just generally a weird older brother figure#and then one of the times she gets dragged back home by the hair she just never comes back#yk until a few years pass and she gets shot in the head#so i think arcade is someone she thinks about often during that time where she doesnt go back to vegas. and i imagine hed think about her o#occassion. yk like wondering what ever happened to her. probably assuming that shed died young.#so i think itd be very sweet when shes doing quest stuff and rolls back up to freeside for the first time since she was like 15-17ish#so its been like 8-10 years at that point. so i think itd be a nice little reunion#and also like WOW. that weird scrawny kid you used to tutor is huge and badass now#i think a lot about them getting to know each other again and just chatting while hiking around or making camp#and i think as things progress dannie really starts to rely on him more as she feels in over her head vis a vis the fate of vegas#and in her mind arcade is like. the worlds greatest person. so he must know the right decision. so i think she would ask him for reassuranc#or just for his take on the Political Situation a lot#(immersive because i got REALLY scared after killing house i was considering reloading a save. and i asked arcade just on a whim. and he#said he thought i was making the best possible choice. and it made me feel so much better and less scared)#anyways. i think she thinks the world of him. not very many people have been nice to her in her life and arcade is a little bitchy but his#heart is full of love. i do think they have a very sibling-ey dynamic#so i do think once he leaves. she would miss him agonizingly bad#she would catch herself turning around before big decisions like 'arcade what do you think - oh.'#and i think shed kind of retreat into herself without him there. very quiet. very uncertain of what shes doing.#🏜️#<- for the tags.
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🦋
#so i got a message from my sister telling me something rather tragic had happened in our family#on my mom's side. one of my aunties passed away&my little sister let me know.#she also let me know that my mother is taking it really hard&shed probably really like to hear from me.#&its weird bc any sadness i felt about my aunty dying almost completely evaporated upon it becoming a way to guilt me#into talking to my mother-- like i was not almost dead for a long LONG time&she was actively disowning me bc i wasnt sick the right way#after a lifetime of refusing to believe i was sick AT ALL which directly lead to developing cancer she screamed at me in public#that i was lying about before pretending to drive off a cliff&then refusing to pick up her phone until she called me an hour later#after i had been calling not just her but anyone in our family who could possibly check on her to tell me that i never loved her#&i wouldnt have cared if she died&it would have been my fault.#so like. i dont really give a fuck if shes taking a death in the family poorly? like i dont actually fucking care that this-- like literally#everything else-- needs to center my mother's bad feelings. i just fucking dont lmao.#&im really fucking pissed off that i now have to feel like shit bc i dont feel like i properly feel bad#about my family member dying bc IT BECAME ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER IMMEDIATELY.#i do not fucking UNDERSTAND.#i cannot even put into words how this all makes me feel lmao. why. literally fucking why.#the cherry on top? my aunty died of gastric issues. you know. the family curse that i def didnt get so i got to work thru it all#while being called a liar. you know the type of illness that almost killed ME. that might STILL kill me.#but yeah my mom is sad so i should call&make sure to hold her hand like i always fucking did lets just forget an entire lifetime#&esp the last five years thatll be totally cool.#a tragedy happened in the family so fuck all MY tragedies actually i guess.
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i think the dnd character i played for a halloween oneshot a few weeks ago is one of my favorite characters ive made recently. and her name was fucking paige
#she was a normal college student (nursing major) who set out with her friends to solve a disappearance#and i basically had one rule that defined her character: protect the group#like best-case scenario was everyone made it out. but if someone had to die there then shed do her best to make sure it wasnt any of them#and she died alone (yet not alone) after sacrificing herself so her friends could get free#she nearly made it out. she was so close. she couldve gone home#except she couldn't because she had some corruption inside her (goopy fungus shit) so the villain could track her wherever she went#(and she was already doomed as soon as it got inside her anyways)#so she jumped out of the moving vehicle and did her best to hold the bad guy off until he lost track of the rest of the group#and then eventually she died. succumbed to the evil fungus hivemind infection#but she was okay with it. because her friends were free and that was what mattered most#god she was so cool. im definitely recycling her
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I do gotta say. It kinda haunts me that I'll never know if my p. grandmother would have accepted me as her grandson or not.
#luckily my m. grandmother has been nothing short of accepting ans called me her grandson with no hesitation#in response to someone else asking who the fuck i was bc theyd never seen me at a family gathering before#that was back in 2021 and was the first time id seen anyone on either side of my blood family in YEARS#but my p. grandmother was my best and only friend for like 16 years and she died after i got kicked out#so i never really got the chance to come out to her as a gay/bi man instead of her sweet little weird grandaughter#and it haunts me so bad not knowing if she would have loved me for who i actually am#or if she would have cast me out with hatred and scorn just like my paternal sperm donor and pathetic excuse of a parent#i like to believe she would have still loved me even if she would have trouble understanding due to her dementia#bc she was genuinely a saint of a woman and i have trouble believing she would ever have an ounce of hate in her tiny body#but at the same time.... who knows#we never will#i never even got to say goodbye (but i like to think even if she hated me for being trans shed still forgive me for this)#i miss you and your stupid green shooting star every damn day bestie....
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Think "necessity" of evil in the ultimate doing of good ("For God judged it better to bring good out of evil than not to permit any evil to exist"); sin/failure for the sake of elevation, personal and otherwise, and how each of the characters "falls" so that good may come of it somehow, be it in general knowledge, assistance in pursuing good or personal enlightenment.
I'm far too lacking in dogmatic understanding to pursue this specific angle of investigation the way I'd like to and it's driving me crazy.
#vincent the traitor who releases adriel and later repents yes - but this ultimately brings us to reya#who would've stayed in shadow otherwise and hidden the danger she represents. oh the blood that was shed#but the progression of history has required it always and a few cardinals slain in a hotel are a small price to pay#suzanne the prideful who must be bent into accepting and trusting the women around her eventually#who followed by shannon the wronged (innocent?) precipitates the rise of ava#ava whom suzanne also aids and could not have done so had she not fallen#beatrice the forsaken who carves a path towards herself by using her pain#and without whom the designated saviour would never be able to save anyone of course#mary the abandoned who pays for the sins of her mother and thus buys herself the family she needs#jillian the relentless whose curiosity is fed in morsels at the exchange of human life#but who does gain glimpses at Something and who does become more human herself through loss#lilith the heir whose arrogance costs her more than one family but who might well lead the way to new life#michael the lamb who dies so ava may find her own way towards achieving her goal#i know this isn't exactly dogmatic but still; i'm caught up with nathaniel hawthorne see#read the marble faun and you will understand where this is coming from#i remember being struck by how in starz' spartacus every single character action brought on new disaster#but here in warrior nun - as much as disaster is part of it - there seems to be a light at the end of each tunnel in a way#complications arise one after the other but there are gains along the way#i shall ponder a good while more#if for no other reason than babbling in the tags like this is unacceptable#i was raised a civilised woman and i will write cohesive ordered texts like one! (eventually!)#analysis and similar#exercises in observation
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My life won't be complete until I name the other lead in the historical fiction I've decided I'm going to write.
#but I've decided that the reason Jo and the other one get to stay together after the war without question#is because they always just claim they understand each other in ways no one else could.#it makes me kind of sad that they cant have kids so i might give Josie a husband that dies in the war#that when one wakes up screaming the other knows exactly why and is the only one who does.#because they were together through the whole war. they saw the same things.#i might also give one a husband? it wouldn't be Josie.#he would die. that would be part of the excuse too.#“well why don't you nice women marry soldiers? they know the horrors too#“she did. her husband died capturing Passchendaele and you want her to just replace him?#she is a mourning widow. And i am just a friend who understands.#i might give them both husbands. but it depends.#(Josie gives off agreement vibes. like they're both gay and in love with someone so they act as beards)#(whereas the other one gives off “im pretending I like men so he can be happy and i can be accepted” vibes)#but anyway i might give Josie a husband that dies in the war. and then the other one's husband would live through it and they'd stay married#but he would kill himself (within the year probably) as so many soldiers did. and she would be pregnant.#so that they could have a kid. because i think they deserve a kid.#god josie wouldn't know she wants kids but shed be such a good mom if it came down to it#but wait#ww2 if they wanted to sign up for it one of them would have to stay with their kid#I'd think Josie would be the one to go back and serve again. shes suited for it. she was in charge.#but she was wounded. bad i think. possibly just a leg injury but I'd love to go abdominal.#so she was probably honourably discharged. she can't go back. it would have to be the other one.#I don't think my heart could kill off either of them but especially not the other one if it would leave Josie and their kid all alone#james is rambling again#ocs#rambling#thoughts#writer#writing#original character
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#im going to sound crazy and angry but thats bec i am. i hope my mom dies#wont stop yelling at me. wont stop being passive aggressive all the time and criticising everything i do. wont stop treating me like shit#and then making me feel guilty for being mad at her.#shes always complaining abt me being lethargic and tired and she thinks its because i dont eat good (i eat atleast one meal everyday and#i eat healthier than almost every single kid of my age that i know) or bec i eat too little (after she literally made us give up eating#breakfast when we were like 14 and yelled at me for wanting to eat something for breakfast).#shes a dickhead. it never occurs to her that maybe me being continuous depressed for almost half of my life is a factor in my tiredness.#and im constantly anxious and i used to cry whenever i would pick up a pencil to draw bec i wasnt good at it and i wouldnt get to the#college i need to go to get away from this house if i didnt know how to draw. and literally ive just wanted a stupid skateboard for like#years at this point and she told me shed get me one on my birthday which was two months ago. and even before that when we were in the store#she told me she was going to buy one weeks before my birthday and then got mad at me even when jntold her I didn't want one then. now shes#not even pretending to care about it anymore. + she told me she was going to kick me out of the house if i failed my entrance exam days#after. actually no months after ive kept on talking to her about re attempting my exam if i fail it the first time around.#i hope she rots in hell and i dont even believe in hell#delete later
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