#didnt understand the hate until now
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actually so evil how much of hal's internal world gets obliterated with the rewriting of his relationships with jessica and martin.
#hal jordan#empyrean posting#ok going in the tags because im not actually v confident in my understanding of his character. i read all of his 80s/90s stuff but forgot#90% of it but ANYWAY.#so much of him just does not make sense with how geoff johns characterises him and his relationships with his parents particularly the#parallax stuff simply because of how much his relationship with the guardians and their apathy/'betrayal' is influenced by hal's original#relationship with his dad. like at its heart it's pretty much the same dynamic in how hal blindly trusts and sort of idolises the guardians#despite their repeated infractions in hope of... something in return just as he had with his father and the abuse he suffered at martin's#hands. that's what makes his anger at the guardians make sense when it does show itself because the relationship parallel didn't stop there.#as with martin hal gets nothing for his devotion. he gets nothing for doing everything that's asked of him and more and it ends the same way#too: with a man in the sky burning like a newborn star. and you lose so much of that nuance and intrigue behind that if you just make#jessica the 'bad one' because!!! you cheapen it!!!!#the whole idea of hal is that he has his father's face but his mother's scars#(to me). in the sense that they both reacted to martin the same way with that cognisance of who he was as a man yet inability to pull away#because... love. both the love they had for him and the conviction that he did or could love them too. and jessica arguably did eventually#but also she didnt did she? because she held onto that notion of love till the very end. the few scraps she had she ballooned outwards until#they became the whole. but hal didnt have even that and he spent his whole life chasing it & running away from wanting it at the same time#like i think there's something so interesting to the fact that he had to be convinced that flying was what he wanted to do. how much of that#was touched by his father? the fear that he was already too much like him than he could bear to be? he already had his face now he had his#dreams and longing for the sky. how much more could he have before he began repeating the cycle?#and at the end he even had his father's death. burning in the clouds. like there's so much there and that's not even touching on how it#impacts his relationships with other heroes. not just in the sense of why did kyle clark and diana get to keep their close yet complex#relationships with their moms when hal had to lose his (although yeah why did they) but also just how he lets himself come across to them.#because it's on purpose right? that he lets them think his reflection of his father is born out of unadulterated love for a man worthy of it#? he has his father's job he wears his father's jacket he smiles his father's smile. what else are they supposed to think.#and isnt that interesting!!! that this man who is so committed to being good & just can lie so casually to people he thinks of as friends!!!#can you see how that might be his mother through and through!!! in how she might have glossed over the abuse to other people and herself!!!#can you see how in spite of it all he might want to be perceived as his father that paragon of masculinity and resent that he is not!!!#do you understand how everything he loves has been poisoned!!! im thinking of that scene where he tells bruce about watching martin die &#wouldnt it have been so much more interesting through this lens. how he is both revealing & obfuscating at once. i hate the change sm
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i feel like the original series was red guy centered, the first season was for yellow guy, and i am BEGGING AND PRAYING that season 2 will be more about duck!! i will probably cry if anything happens to him though lol 💀 everytime writers break a comic relief character i just OUGSHGS.. it gets me.
h well I don't think you're wrong about that! Webseries being Red Guys time to shine, S1 of the TV show being for Yellow (esp the last two episodes I think? Even thought outside of that, he does get a lot of focus/he IS the one who talks to the audience the most directly). From what I remember hearing, the pilot was pretty Duck-centered.
But I think even if he GETS his big moment in the sun, so to speak, it's NOT going to be as emotional as the other twos. On top of him just not being a very um… let's say sentimental character, he's just not the make-you-cry type! It's just not him imo!
IDK, I operate under the opinion that… in his weird little head, the most important thing that he values over everything is keeping the three of them together. Both because he thinks of them as a weird little family AND because he really doesn't have anyone else outside of the trio. We also know from the interview, and you could maybe argue from the Family episode ( Who do you love?/Anyone who loves me back., I asked every member of my family who they loved the most, and they all said me ) that being loved is something that he actually values QUITE a bit! More than you would assume on first glance! He's weirdly upfront about it haha!
In that way, I imagine that if they were to TRY to pull something to put him in the spotlight in the way you're imagining (i.e. something emotional and focusing on his issues like they did with Yellow & Red) it would either focus on his desire to be loved OR his dedication to keeping the three of them together. But I would argue they both already did that in the Family episode AND put him through the worst case-scenario in regards to those more emotional aspects of his character ( here I think the worst case scenario to him is the other two rejecting him, harshly, unambiguously and to his face, multiple times and the three of them separating ). AND THE THING IS… THAT ALREADY HAPPENED! THAT DIDN'T BREAK HIM!
He had his little pout over it in his dress and was like FINE! I DON'T NEED THEM ANYWAYS! So, I really don't think that big "character-breaking" moment is coming. If the Family ep didn't get him I honest to God don't think there's anything else the house could throw at him that could get under his skin.
#I REALLY TRULY DO THINK HES JUST GONNA KEEP BEING SILLY AND GOOFY UNTIL THE END OF TIME#just forever in the BG being funny and having the best lines#like. worst case scenario came and went and he is both so adaptable AND deranged that nothing is going to come from it ever#ALSO sorry! i think he likes being in the house lol#dude who loves repetition and stagnation and who is a complete social failure gets trapped in a time loop house with two other people?#of COURSE he loves the routine and delusionally convinces himself that the other two love him!! come ON now!!!#my dhmis postings#like im trying to think of what kind of drama can even come from his specific issues and#its like what if he figures out the other two dont think of him the same way?#HE ALREADY DID!!!#and he pushed on it and pushed on it and didnt relent until they were like PHYSICALLY seperated.#then he just convinced himself that HE made the decision to drop THEM actually.#and when that didnt work he got sad. then got over it.#again. i think he would TRY to find new friends but like. socially he is SO SO fucked lol.#hes annoying. hes loud. he NEVER stops talking. hes super upfront and DOGSHIT at communicating at the same time#hes mean. hes abrasive. he doesnt understand social cues at ALL. he has NO filter. and he refuses to work on any of that because to him#NONE of that is a problem.#like he wouldnt be able to get new friends if he TRIED. he is so completely entirely incompatible to anyone outside the group#it makes him REALLY easy to hate and i get why a lot of ppl do. HELL i get why a lot of IN UNIVERSE charas HATE him
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i am the poisoned blood running through my tired veins
#personal#ITS SO MOT FUCKINH FAIR.#since he hates me now i dont care if he sees this and im pretty sure i fucking blocked the reat of them so idontfucking care#i hate all kf them so much and i dont fucking care how bad they hurt. i hurt too#for some INSANE REASON i was the only oke that had to apologize. why did they never apologize .#they know they hurt me. He knkws he hurt me.#when j say this they think im selfish. they can think what they want.#byt jts fucking crazy to act like im the only one tjat did anything wronh#i fucking admitted i was wrong. but it wasnt enough. notjing is ever enough for them!#if He ever tries to text me again im not responding. it was stupid of me to respons.#i wonder what he would say if he knew that i chose ro respond by chance of a coin flip#if it had landed on tails i wouldnt be making this post.#he cares more than i do. i dont have the luxury of caring.#he says “i led him on” but if he wanted skme speicodx kind of love fucking say skmething#i didnt knkw i was supposed to be differenr. if he had said that from the dtart i never would have agreed.#i didnt want to change for him.#he shouldve been different and he shouldve been better#i shouldve been too. but atleast i can admit ghat#what the fuck do you mean when you say you understand why j do what you do and uou get it so deeply#but then you still leave. does rhat mean you understand how much you hurt me that first time#it barely hurts anymore. but i cried four times last nigjt#now i dont feel it and now i dont care. youll never knkw little i can let myself care#ill distract myself until i forget all about you because i csnt let myself feel any of this#i dont care if im not changjng the way you begged me to. thats not an option rigjtnmow#im still fighting to stay alive. i dont know that you understand what thats like#you say you get it. i tjink you just say that#you loved me and i dont like that. i warned you and you dwatted my warning away#how is that all my fault.#how is all of this my fault.#💭
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Which group did you used to think was overrated but ended up loving?
ok, im gonna get so much hate for this but bts….
i used to not like bts, i dont know why but i never thought i would get into them but fast forward a year, i listened to dynamite and i was obsessed. so then my dislike turned into to love and my opinion changed.
#remember i didnt day anything offensive#i just didnt like and understand the hype#until i listened to them properly#now i respect bts so no hate please#nia says!
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i cant stop thinking abt him... have been doing that all daynd i feel so sad nd my heart hurtsso bad nd i long for him sm it's just a bad day :((
#it's bc i saw that he#uploaded his background which was just nothing. and said that he feels empty#and a couple of months ago before i ruined it all#he said that he had me as his background#so now i feel so fkn sad#i dont know why im like this but i feel so crazy about him i wanna die#i think about him constantly and i'venever ever wanted to be with or know someone this badly#and to know that he sees me as a disappointment... and not good enough for him... and that he doesnt love me enough to wanna fix it#or even have a 'it' with me#hurts so bad#so now im just in an awful headspace...#i hate myself so much#i wish i could go back and not do what i did#i did it bc i thought it'd bring me closer to him#but i was wrong and i didnt understand that until now#and instead it caused him to think im not what he thought i was or what he wants me to be#and no matter how much i try to explain i realize thatonly i understand#bcmy brains broken and no one could ever understand why i do what i do#i am alone. always and forever i will never know closeness or intimacy#the thing is thatbefore i met him i was fine w that#i kinda longed for it but i had resigned myself to a life without it#then i met him nd it felt real nd like it could bereal for me#plus i genuinely like him sm i feel sm for him so i desperately want it w him#but then..... it turned out that im not good enough for him#it just rlly hurts that the ONLY time i've ever wanted someone#and it started w them wanting me back#who i am was a disappointment nd i fucked it up bc of a misunderstanding#that i cant clear up bc i cant make anyone understand my fucked up broken reasoning#i will bealone forever and i just wanna die
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okay im enjoying getting these dialogues i previously missed so much. literally astarion when you ask what? will you miss me: "HA!
why not!!!"
#yea dont look at me i started a new character and felt like shit going through all the stuff that i just walked past on my beloved character#so i just made my og character the exact same again and im doing the exact same route with him again VDKFJDJDJDKF#but now im gonna actually do all the stuff in the game bc before i didnt understand the game so i missed so much#i was gonna explain everything i felt but it got way too long so ill just say this instead:#im already getting so much fuller of an experience and i couldnt be happier#and i wanna play my new character (who i like) when i dont feel misersble doing it#im not someone whos precious abt their games like when its over thats it thats the canon story so this way works for me#i build it meticulously until im satisfied!#im still gonna make the same decisions. hes still gonna be the same deceitful little rat with delusions of grandeur#but now i just play out all the massive amounts of stuff i didnt know existed bc i didnt understand how to navigate the game#its gonna be tough to eat the tadpoles again and be cool to the dream visitor bc i HATE the emperor hdjdjdjf#but like i said first time around its absolutely what he would do bc hes convinced he can control it#to get back to the post itself LMAO im obv so happy to get all the astari0n dialogue i missed bc just with this one dialogue i missed#(bc i didnt know how to long rest well) im getting a much more fleshed out picture of his manipulation and its so great#im on tactician now so im hoping it will force me to long rest more so i miss less camp dialogue#anyway can you believe my previous attempt at these tags was even longer? lmao bye im off to enjoy the game however i please!
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You're so right with shimerigawa
he's kinda became my guilty pleasure ares character
SHIMERIGAWA LIKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE.... HES SO CHARMING AND FUNNY!! i genuinely do not understand why they wrote him the way they did. why are we using a 13 year old kid to make KAGEYAMA look like a good(??) guy... hello...
its so crazy to me!! because they could have done something a lot more interesting with him!! shimerigawa is a first year--hes the only one here who doesnt know what kidous teikoku is like! and teikoku struggle to find their standing without kidou! the link between the two is quite obvious to me?! he could have very easily been used to push the rest of teikoku to find their answer to that problem in their own way (instead of being manipulated into it by kageyama without being made aware of it)!!!!
hes a completely new addition to the team that isnt influenced by kidou in any way so he could have led them on an entirely new path that they would never have considered otherwise due to their history w him!! (punches wall) yet another example of the potential ares had and how interesting it could have been if theyd bothered to write it properly!!! grraaahhhh !!!!! BUT IM GLAD TO KNOW THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE WHO LIKE HIM so thank you for sending this ask to me....!!! <3
#to be honest i didnt really like him until a recent rewatch tehe. i do remember a mutual older than me liking him a lot back then (2018)#and i couldnt understand it... i never hated though i just didnt care. but ive matured and i get it now#wait sorry that i ended up talking so much in this reply. what i meant w it is that he genuinely has the potential to be a great#character that no one would be ashamed to love.....!!#inzm
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Me: Why r my adhd meds making me feel worse not better :( Also I am the meanest person alive I shall hide in my room and sleep forever from guilt
A few weeks later
*Gets diagnosed with Bipolar* OHHHHHHHH
#NOW WERE GETTIN SOMEWHERE#now: to find out if the issues focusing are all bipolar or also adhd#and how the heck to get adhd meds thst dont ruin the help of the bipolar meds im trying#if these meds are even the ones but i have high hopes cause they work for mom!#THIS COULD BE IT#rambles#disabilities#i always suspected bipolar a little bit cause genetics but thought most likely not#suspected a lot MORE 2020 on as all the stress exacerbated symptoms#but i really didnt want it to be true#and now even looking back to being a kid#so many things clicking i feel so STUPID#its like realizin all my cryin & procrastinatin & feelin stuck doin things i hate wasnt me just bein lazy but mental health issues as a kid#realizing i might not be evil after all! TWO!!#still should stay in my room until i can wean off the adhd meds though just because i understand my outbursts doesnt mean i can excuse em#all i can think to do lol#the thing that scares me is how it comes out of nowhere it didnt happen very often as a kid and was a lot of bottled up anger#or run around the yard about it#i wonder if i have mixed affective state#it just goes from manic to depressed and vice versa on a DIME its scary
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Thankyou to the people who talked to me abt my previous question im sorry ik its a stupid question😭 i understand the concept its just the reasoning that had been blurry for me
i think i get now that its more due to the lack of correct information in general RI’s tags/description and how they arent actually general but biased,
so having the info exactly there with black RI’s is good to know for black readers since they cant be applied to biased RI’s and they are almost always biased?
Truly general reader inserts don’t exist and it’s bias affects black readers (barely asian readers so no need for asian RI’s) hence black RI’s are necessary
Also i think i understand now that since truly general readers are almost impossible to write esp for long fics so y/n becomes an oc in some way anyway
Thank you so much ik this is a simple concept but i do feel like i understand it so a lot better
#im actually scared please i didnt want to look stupid🙏🙏#actually thankyou to those who explained super nicely it was genuinely a big help#this has been smt ive never had a proper grasp on until now im glad i can fully understand#i hope my question wasnt problematic either i swear i rly dont want to seem ignorant#GUYS DONT HATE ME PLEASE
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watching the three of them (badly) attempt to manage a play is so fucking funny yet frustrating at the same time like. sister this is part of our coursework if yall dont feel like getting a 4.0 this semester masalah kau lah dont involve the whole class bro. also do yall not have the ability to ASK when you dont know something???? or basic listening skills?????????? we relayed word for word from the auditorium people that no we cannot install overhead lights WHICH MEANS NO FRESNELS?? i dont understand whats confusing about that. and to make matters worse the director is holidaying in fucking VIETNAM two weeks into the new semester. the director who made a "stage plan" thats barely a kindergarteners doodle and insisted that is was finalised. kak if you came to class on saturday instead of going to vietnam you would know that is no fucking stage plan. if this was just the department production then if yall wanted to syok sendiri boleh lah but this is our coursework hello. and the rest of us cant even say anything because theyre the course reps and if we give any critique on the management they tell us to "not be hostile" when literally everyone was chill je???? yall said if we had concerns we can voice out????? we voiced out our concerns lepas tu kena hentam. am i the clown or are they the clowns i dont even know anymore this wasnt even supposed to be our coursework if the three of them didnt beg the lecturer to make it so that we can do one less production
#the treasurer didnt have access to the budget for a whole month and they refused to give it until we went to the programme leader#i am now in charge of three departments#while the director is in vietnam “staying away from the negativity in (her) life”#and the producer is spewing crap she doesnt even care to understand#and the other director has no fucking clue whats going on but just wants to be co director bc her friends are there and she has fomo#we have now joined forces with the lecturers we used to hate because your enemys enemy is your friend#daisy vs uni#also forgive the occasional manglish i cannot english rn
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i saw the duchess of malfi earlier today and i'm still thinking about it I Have So Many Grievances
#the incestuous undertones were stronger than perhaps necessary#also i didnt know who tf that guy (bosola) was and i kept being like (SPOILERS AHEAD?)#spoilerrrrrrrrrrrs coming up... noW#WHY ARE YOU MURDERING PEOPLE FOR MONEY???? JUST ? DONT? ITS THAT EASY?#but like. idk i didnt understand any of his talk w the cardinal at the start which probably didnt help#THEY KILLED MY QUEEN#they actually killed every woman but like#cmon#and i was super invested in how it was gonna end#until antonio died#then everyone died and it was just like#:/ come on this is silly now#i wanted to grab bosola and ferdinand by the shoulders and throw them into the nearest pit of fire#AND BOSOLA HAD THE CHEEK TO LIKE. TRY AND AVENGE THE WOMAN H E KILLED????? BRO?>???#get a grip get a life (or not actually i kinda wanted him to die)#ferdinand was literally actually evil and terrible and i wanted him murdered since the very start. horrid man.. disgusting#but i hated bosola most for some reason i was just so pissed off at him. maybe because he was a big fuckin snake#the cardinal was so irrelevant sorry babes#but that may have been bc i was trying to work out if i knew the actor (student production)#so i wasnt payin attention. he may have done some kind of plot twist but it did in fact go entirely over my head#the duchess shouldve killed bosola i stand by that#and when she died i wanted antonio to kill the brothers#HIS DEATH WAS SO UNNECESSARY#AND STUPID#anyway#this is my ramble#because i cannot stop thinking about it#it made me so mad for no rzn#it was good dont get me wrong but like#bro
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i feel so empty inside
#i have less than fifty pages left#diana rereads david copperfield#don-draper-a-lot-has-happened.png#i dont know if i wanna finish today? ive read like 37 pages today#i easily COULD#i need a break. i need to digest#i did take breaks actually. to write about my feelings in my reading reflections notebook lol#yes i have one of those and i STILL frequently post my thoughts on here. im a girl who needs many outlets#i never achieve catharsis!!!!!!!!#i took two breaks to write reflections within an hour of each other. lol#one after chapter 55. tempest and chapter 56. the new wound and the old#if you know you know#god. steerforth#i think i hate him more than most ppl#i mean he is a charismatic manipulator and i didnt lack that understanding when i read it five years ago#i didnt think much about what he deserved or how 'good' or 'flawed' he was back when i was 19 tho#ive had enough experiences in life tho now to just plain be full of no sympathy for him#saw someone say in a review blogpost i read last night that he was more sinned against than sinning#i was like ARE you kidding. i cant even start w that. he faces no real pain or remorse in his life until his death#and even his death is just incidental.#im glad he died. it's still moving in the scene when it happens OBVIOUSLY. but good#no one should ever have to worry about what james steerforth is up to. and that's kind of the point#david never sees him again after the betrayal until he's a corpse. good#you were spared from ever having to suffer him again.
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sometimes i discover terms and words that describe the things i do that are associated with autism but whenever i bring them up i always get “you were never like that before!!”. i used to get in trouble at school, at home, at church for talking so much. I’ve always been hyperverbal I just didn’t know there was a word for it back then. even after i knew i was autistic but didnt know being hyperverbal was a thing i told people i stimmed by talking. before i knew echolalia was a thing i chalked it up to just liking how things sounded or it being a form of stimming.
you’re telling me that just because there’s a word for what i do that’s associated with autism, suddenly I’ve never displayed this behavior before?
all that learning these terms has done has made it easier to understand and explain myself. instead of saying “i talk a lot because I’m autistic and it’s a form of stimming which i do to self regulate” i can now say “i’m hyperverbal because i’m autistic.” or instead of saying “i’m not repeating you to be mocking it’s just something i unconsciously do when i like a noise or word or how you said that word.” I can say “I use echolalia because i’m autistic, thats why i repeat things the way i do.” In both these examples not only is the second option more concise it’s clearer and people understand me better.
i’m not going to apologize for wanting to understand myself and wanting others to understand me.
#actually autistic#everyone’s totally chill with me being autistic until key parts of my behavior and personality are due to the autism#i had a conversation w my mother the other day that sparked this post#i had repeated what she said a few times and she was like#‘why do you do that’#‘you know thats annoying right’#and i said its actually called echolalia and its frequently a symptom of autism#and she immediately scoffed at me and said ‘you never did that before’#yes. yes i did.#i didnt just read this term and decide i wanted to do it#when i actually first read of echolalia i didn’t understand it#i had to read 7 different articles to understand what it was talking about#and then i didnt#associate it with me until another autistic friend pointed it out#and i thought back on my speaking habits and after a while realized that yes that is something we do#and i really hate hearing ‘you didnt do this before’ because not only is it stupid it implies there was a time before i was autistic#ive always been autistic you were just in denail about it until a handful of medical professionals told you point blank i’m autistic#maybe i do do it more now but yk why?#because i was PUNISHED as a child for behaving ‘autisticly’#that didnt make me less autistic it just made me fucking hate you#anyway.#idfk how to tag this#echolalia#hyperverbal#autism spectrum#autistic experiences#autistic community#autistic adult
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I'm gonna be real: probably made too many food miniatures for my niece. But I'm not done yet either.
#rae rants#i finished abt a page of the two pages of foodstuff i wanted to make from clay. i need to buy new supplies to move onto another category tho#ig i could start making mugs and plates and stuff. even tho i haaaate doing those.#cuz. i dont use molds. i dont own resin stuff. or a drimel. everything has to be done by hand and still be uniform.#and when i was a kid i hated that doll plates never has divets. ya know theyre just discs? always hated that.#but now that i make minis like. i understand why. its soooo annoying to make plates.#anyways. i have a mochi icecream tray im using to dry last night's batch. theyll probs be dry tomorrow. but i wanna keep working NOW.#... ig i could eat the last two strawberry mochi and take that tray too. that could work.#anyways 2. i didnt have my dolls eat a lot as a kid. i would have them have like. one meal together a day tho. if i could. tea time maybe.#but it always annoyed me that i only had like. one kind of breakfast for them.#or that i didnt have enough food for the family to have a realistic breakfast. like if one person has pancakes everyone would ya know?#i'll post pics when theyre painted. which is a while away.#and when i finish the project (which probs wont be until xmas) i'll post a bunch of pics on my instagram ig.#cuz this is a project that will be my niece's xmas present eventually.
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very old art
#long ramble:#thinking about when i first got into gls as a young impressionable teen i didnt fully understand the lengths of how#hal went and 'immortalized' his dad by constantly glorifying him postmortem because he did first hand witness his death#and depending on which run you consume sometimes martin is a great dad and sometimes martin is abusive#so basically: a normal human. and thats something hal couldnt realize after his death#because he was 10#and i thought okay maybe thats just how people process someone passing?#until last year when my friend passed and now im just doing exactly what hal did#oh.#my friend was the sweetest person but because she was sick like me we both were pretty miserable#and i guess in the end im just choosing to forget all the bad parts and only remember the good things#granted she was more good than bad#but it still lingers#i hate being in my twenties and experiencing the horrors#vanna amico#....
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upset - Chris Sturniolo
summary: after a terrible day, your best friend chris, always knows how to cheer you up.
contains: flufffff, crying, comforting, teasing, bestfriend!chris, flirty friendship.
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my hands shake as i speak on the phone to my boyfriend, well ex boyfriend.
ive been dating noah for the past year, everything had been perfect until today.
he called me 5 minutes ago with no warning, then broke up with me. it was so blunt, he had no emotion to his voice at all.
now i'm left desperately talking to noah on the phone.
"i- i dont understand.. it doesn't make sense noah? c'mon..?" my voice quivers, clutching the phone up to my ear,
"it'll be fine, just move on f'me yeah?" noah speaks, he almost sounds bored.
"why? what is- what's your reason!?" i raise my voice, holding back tears.
"just don't fuck with you anymore sweetheart, i'm sorry." noah says with a small laugh before hanging up.
im in such a state of shock i can't even fully process this.
my first instenct is to call my bestfriend, chris.
"chris! chris please come over right now." i practically burst into sobs as soon i speak, i hear a small gasp from his end before shuffling.
"yeah- yeah! i'm coming right now, ill only be a minute." chris speaks, his voice soft as though hes trying to calm me.
"thank you." i whimper into the phone before hanging up.
---
i hear two soft knocks at my bedroom door, followed by chris's voice.
"can i come in?" he asks, gently twisting my door knob before walking into my bedroom.
im sat cross legged on my bed,
"oh sweetheart." chris sighs, walking over to me and sitting down on the matress infront of me.
"can i have a hug.." i cry,
chris wraps his large arms around me, pulling me to his body.
"whats happing y/n.." chris whispers into my hair, his hand reaching up and stroking my back.
"n-n-noah- noah broke up with me!" i stammer out between hiccups.
i physically feel chris tense, his grip on me tightening slightly.
"im so sorry," chris sighs into my ear, i bury my face into his shoulder.
"he didnt even- even give a warning and he was so mean about it chris!" i choke out,
chris just nods, letting me speak.
"i hate him! i hate him so much!" i cry, my voice breaking.
"i know you do, you hate him don't ya?" chris says softly, stroking my hair.
"i do!" i sob,
"i know it hurts sweetie, i'm right here." chris mutters,
i slowly pull away from his shoulder,
chris gives me a sorry smile, his eyes roaming my face, which is a total wreck.
i have snot running down my face, which chris seems to take amusment to.
he grabs a tissue from my bedside table and holds it up to my nose.
"big blow for me?" chris speaks, then instanltly slams a hand over his mouth with a small 'sorry.'
i crack a small smile,
chris pinches the tissue to my nose, "blow blow blowww"
i pathetically blow my nose into the tissue,
"good girlllll, that’s right." chris smiles,
“let’s get you ready for bed okay? try sleep it off yeah?” chris suggests, staring into my eyes.
i nod, wiping my nose.
he lifts me up off the bed, i flail my legs as i clutch onto his shoulders.
“if you drop me i swear to god!” i attempt to raise my strained voice.
“i’m not gonna drop ‘ya sweet girl.” chris says taking me into the bathroom,
he sets me down on my feet infront of the sink,
i stare at my red, mascara-stained face. only causing more tears to start up,
chris instantly grabs my chin, “shh- shh.” he whispers
“let’s wash your face okay? don’t worry about noah, i promise if he could hurt you this much so easily there’s no point in being upset over him.”
i nod at him,
chris rubs my back, running the cold water.
he stands behind me, slowly tipping my head fowards under the stream of the tap.
he cups water in his hands and brings it up to my face, gently washing away the mascara.
“that feels better doesn’t it.” chris smiles gently, drying my face with his shirt.
i nod, wiping my puffy eyes.
he guides me out into the bedroom,
i slowly shimmy towards him with my arms open, pulling him into a tight hug.
he rubs my back as i bury my face into his shoulder, “you know i love you so much, i’m so sorry he hurt you, you don’t deserve any of it.” chris sighs,
i nod shakily,
“he didn’t know what to do with such a pretty girl like you, i’m sure of it.” chris speaks, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.
i don’t let him go, holding him tight.
“i know it’s hurting so so much right now, but it’ll get better.” chris says,
i slowly pull away from his chest,
“y-you’re my bestfriend chris, i love you.” i sniff, my voice cracking as i bury my face back into him.
he laughs lightly, “i love you too,”
“are you sleepy?” chris asks, rubbing my back.
i shake my head, “just sad.” i say with a frown.
“do you want to do something to distract you?” chris asks,
i nod, wiping my nose with the back of my hand
“you wanna bake?” he asks,
baking has always been my favourite thing ever, chris knows that.
i nod my head frantically,
he scoops me up off my feet and starts to run down the hallway,
i scream with a loud laugh, clutching him tight, “CHRIS!!”
he grins widely, running me into the kitchen and setting me down on the counter top.
“we’re making cookies i don’t care what you say.” chris chuckles, grabbing out ingredients.
he sets down most of the right ingredients, and grabs a bowl
“not that bowl!! that’s my vomit bowl!” i laugh,
he grimaces with a smile, “stinkyyy”
he pulls out a new bowl and puts it in my lap,
he turns back around and grabs butter, throwing it onto the counter beside me.
i go silent,
suddenly i burst into tears, again.
chris’s eyebrows instantly furrow, he grabs my shoulders, “hey- hey-“ he speaks softly
“i’m sorry- noah- noah used to use that butter to butter my toast every morning.” i sob,
chris picks up the butter,
abruptly chris hurls it across the room into the trash can, with impressive aim.
“then we won’t use butter!” he smiles, wiping my eyes with his buttery fingers.
i crack a smile, before laughing loudly.
he grins proudly at my smile, “there she is!”
i cover my face with my hands as i laugh, “don’t look at me!!”
“i want to look at youuu.” chris smiles, peeling my hands away from my face
i smile at him, “let’s just make the cookies.”
he nods, “good plan.”
he starts to put oil and brown sugar into the bowl,
“oil?” i question,
“i mean it’s basically butter.” he replies,
“fair enough.” i laugh, pouring in the sugar with no measurements whatsoever.
“okay, now flour.” chris says, he grabs the flour back and holds it up to my nose
“sniff it.” he smiles,
i furrow my eyebrows and sniff it,
chris suddenly presses both sides of the back together, causing flour to puff up all over my face.
i gasp, my whole face white, “chris!!!”
he erupts into laughter, bringing his hands up and dusting it off my face.
i’m in total shock before giggling along with him, peeling open my eyes
“you are such a moron!” i laugh, grabbing a handful of flour and slamming it onto his cheeks gently.
he goes to reach for more flour, but i grab his wrist.
he gives me a small pout, clearly trying to hold back a grin.
“okay- cookies!” i smile, pouring the flour into the cookie dough
he mixes it with a wooden spoon, before dumping in half the bag of chocolate chips.
“dude we should just make one massive cookie.” chris states,
i roll my eyes, “chris.”
“pllllleeeaseee.” he grins,
“fine.” i scoff, chris claps.
he grabs all the cookie dough in his two hands and plops it on a baking tray, before punching it several times to flatten it.
“okay- so just put it in for 10 minutes.” i say, chris nods, humming to himself as he pushes the baking tray into the oven.
he shuts the oven door and walks back over to me,
“feeling better?” chris asks, placing a hand on my knee as i sit on the counter.
i nod, “i really am, thank you chris.”
he smiles, “i’m glad, i hate seeing you so upset.”
i wrap my arms around him again, giving him a hug.
-
a couple minutes have passed, chris goes to check on the cookie.
he opens the oven and his jaw drops, a small laugh escaping his mouth.
“bro- it’s like spread across the whole thing.”
chris says, pulling it out of the oven and showing me.
i giggle, “maybe cause we used oil and didn’t measure a single thing”
he pulls a bit off of it and plops it into my mouth.
i grimace, “it tastes funny.”
he tries a bit aswell, “what!! it’s good!”
“it’s gross!!”
“okay, i’ll keep it to myself then.” chris says with a sassy tone
“um.. do you think you could maybe stay over tonight- i mean you don’t have to but i don’t know.” i ramble,
chris smiles, “you wanna have a sleepover with me!!” he claps
i scoff, “yeah.”
he helps me off the countertop onto my feet, grabbing my hand and leading me back to my bedroom.
he sorts through my closet and pulls out a pyjama pair, throwing them at me.
i shake my head with a frown, my eyes watering again.
he pauses,
i start to cry again for the 100th time today,
“that was noah’s pair he bought me.” i sniff,
chris wipes his face, “i’m so sorry.” he groans,
he picks me up, i bury my face into his shoulder.
“no more tears please.” he sighs, wiping my eyes.
i nod, “i’m just sensitive.”
“i know you are, let’s get you into your favourite pyjamas then, how’s that sound?” chris speaks softly.
i nod, chris carry’s me over to my closet and opens my pyjama drawer, letting me pick one.
i pull out a pink pair, my hand shaking.
chris walks me over to the bed and sits me down on the edge,
he crouches down beside me, pulling my jeans off down my legs.
he grabs my pyjama shorts and tugs them up me, a concentrated look on his face.
he tugs off my shirt gently, his cold fingertips grazing over my skin.
he pulls on the baby tee, “how’s that?” he asks,
i sniff, “thank you..”
he turns off the main light and crawls into bed beside me.
he tugs up the sheets over us, pulling me closer to him.
i rest my head on his arm,
chris suddenly lets out a snort, covering his mouth with his hand.
“what’s funny?” i ask with a confused smile,
“just having flashbacks to you with that damn flour all over your face.”
-
@downbad4reid
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