#didnt understand the hate until now
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actually so evil how much of hal's internal world gets obliterated with the rewriting of his relationships with jessica and martin.
#hal jordan#empyrean posting#ok going in the tags because im not actually v confident in my understanding of his character. i read all of his 80s/90s stuff but forgot#90% of it but ANYWAY.#so much of him just does not make sense with how geoff johns characterises him and his relationships with his parents particularly the#parallax stuff simply because of how much his relationship with the guardians and their apathy/'betrayal' is influenced by hal's original#relationship with his dad. like at its heart it's pretty much the same dynamic in how hal blindly trusts and sort of idolises the guardians#despite their repeated infractions in hope of... something in return just as he had with his father and the abuse he suffered at martin's#hands. that's what makes his anger at the guardians make sense when it does show itself because the relationship parallel didn't stop there.#as with martin hal gets nothing for his devotion. he gets nothing for doing everything that's asked of him and more and it ends the same way#too: with a man in the sky burning like a newborn star. and you lose so much of that nuance and intrigue behind that if you just make#jessica the 'bad one' because!!! you cheapen it!!!!#the whole idea of hal is that he has his father's face but his mother's scars#(to me). in the sense that they both reacted to martin the same way with that cognisance of who he was as a man yet inability to pull away#because... love. both the love they had for him and the conviction that he did or could love them too. and jessica arguably did eventually#but also she didnt did she? because she held onto that notion of love till the very end. the few scraps she had she ballooned outwards until#they became the whole. but hal didnt have even that and he spent his whole life chasing it & running away from wanting it at the same time#like i think there's something so interesting to the fact that he had to be convinced that flying was what he wanted to do. how much of that#was touched by his father? the fear that he was already too much like him than he could bear to be? he already had his face now he had his#dreams and longing for the sky. how much more could he have before he began repeating the cycle?#and at the end he even had his father's death. burning in the clouds. like there's so much there and that's not even touching on how it#impacts his relationships with other heroes. not just in the sense of why did kyle clark and diana get to keep their close yet complex#relationships with their moms when hal had to lose his (although yeah why did they) but also just how he lets himself come across to them.#because it's on purpose right? that he lets them think his reflection of his father is born out of unadulterated love for a man worthy of it#? he has his father's job he wears his father's jacket he smiles his father's smile. what else are they supposed to think.#and isnt that interesting!!! that this man who is so committed to being good & just can lie so casually to people he thinks of as friends!!!#can you see how that might be his mother through and through!!! in how she might have glossed over the abuse to other people and herself!!!#can you see how in spite of it all he might want to be perceived as his father that paragon of masculinity and resent that he is not!!!#do you understand how everything he loves has been poisoned!!! im thinking of that scene where he tells bruce about watching martin die &#wouldnt it have been so much more interesting through this lens. how he is both revealing & obfuscating at once. i hate the change sm
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i feel like the original series was red guy centered, the first season was for yellow guy, and i am BEGGING AND PRAYING that season 2 will be more about duck!! i will probably cry if anything happens to him though lol 💀 everytime writers break a comic relief character i just OUGSHGS.. it gets me.
h well I don't think you're wrong about that! Webseries being Red Guys time to shine, S1 of the TV show being for Yellow (esp the last two episodes I think? Even thought outside of that, he does get a lot of focus/he IS the one who talks to the audience the most directly). From what I remember hearing, the pilot was pretty Duck-centered.
But I think even if he GETS his big moment in the sun, so to speak, it's NOT going to be as emotional as the other twos. On top of him just not being a very um… let's say sentimental character, he's just not the make-you-cry type! It's just not him imo!
IDK, I operate under the opinion that… in his weird little head, the most important thing that he values over everything is keeping the three of them together. Both because he thinks of them as a weird little family AND because he really doesn't have anyone else outside of the trio. We also know from the interview, and you could maybe argue from the Family episode ( Who do you love?/Anyone who loves me back., I asked every member of my family who they loved the most, and they all said me ) that being loved is something that he actually values QUITE a bit! More than you would assume on first glance! He's weirdly upfront about it haha!
In that way, I imagine that if they were to TRY to pull something to put him in the spotlight in the way you're imagining (i.e. something emotional and focusing on his issues like they did with Yellow & Red) it would either focus on his desire to be loved OR his dedication to keeping the three of them together. But I would argue they both already did that in the Family episode AND put him through the worst case-scenario in regards to those more emotional aspects of his character ( here I think the worst case scenario to him is the other two rejecting him, harshly, unambiguously and to his face, multiple times and the three of them separating ). AND THE THING IS… THAT ALREADY HAPPENED! THAT DIDN'T BREAK HIM!
He had his little pout over it in his dress and was like FINE! I DON'T NEED THEM ANYWAYS! So, I really don't think that big "character-breaking" moment is coming. If the Family ep didn't get him I honest to God don't think there's anything else the house could throw at him that could get under his skin.
#I REALLY TRULY DO THINK HES JUST GONNA KEEP BEING SILLY AND GOOFY UNTIL THE END OF TIME#just forever in the BG being funny and having the best lines#like. worst case scenario came and went and he is both so adaptable AND deranged that nothing is going to come from it ever#ALSO sorry! i think he likes being in the house lol#dude who loves repetition and stagnation and who is a complete social failure gets trapped in a time loop house with two other people?#of COURSE he loves the routine and delusionally convinces himself that the other two love him!! come ON now!!!#my dhmis postings#like im trying to think of what kind of drama can even come from his specific issues and#its like what if he figures out the other two dont think of him the same way?#HE ALREADY DID!!!#and he pushed on it and pushed on it and didnt relent until they were like PHYSICALLY seperated.#then he just convinced himself that HE made the decision to drop THEM actually.#and when that didnt work he got sad. then got over it.#again. i think he would TRY to find new friends but like. socially he is SO SO fucked lol.#hes annoying. hes loud. he NEVER stops talking. hes super upfront and DOGSHIT at communicating at the same time#hes mean. hes abrasive. he doesnt understand social cues at ALL. he has NO filter. and he refuses to work on any of that because to him#NONE of that is a problem.#like he wouldnt be able to get new friends if he TRIED. he is so completely entirely incompatible to anyone outside the group#it makes him REALLY easy to hate and i get why a lot of ppl do. HELL i get why a lot of IN UNIVERSE charas HATE him
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i am the poisoned blood running through my tired veins
#personal#ITS SO MOT FUCKINH FAIR.#since he hates me now i dont care if he sees this and im pretty sure i fucking blocked the reat of them so idontfucking care#i hate all kf them so much and i dont fucking care how bad they hurt. i hurt too#for some INSANE REASON i was the only oke that had to apologize. why did they never apologize .#they know they hurt me. He knkws he hurt me.#when j say this they think im selfish. they can think what they want.#byt jts fucking crazy to act like im the only one tjat did anything wronh#i fucking admitted i was wrong. but it wasnt enough. notjing is ever enough for them!#if He ever tries to text me again im not responding. it was stupid of me to respons.#i wonder what he would say if he knew that i chose ro respond by chance of a coin flip#if it had landed on tails i wouldnt be making this post.#he cares more than i do. i dont have the luxury of caring.#he says “i led him on” but if he wanted skme speicodx kind of love fucking say skmething#i didnt knkw i was supposed to be differenr. if he had said that from the dtart i never would have agreed.#i didnt want to change for him.#he shouldve been different and he shouldve been better#i shouldve been too. but atleast i can admit ghat#what the fuck do you mean when you say you understand why j do what you do and uou get it so deeply#but then you still leave. does rhat mean you understand how much you hurt me that first time#it barely hurts anymore. but i cried four times last nigjt#now i dont feel it and now i dont care. youll never knkw little i can let myself care#ill distract myself until i forget all about you because i csnt let myself feel any of this#i dont care if im not changjng the way you begged me to. thats not an option rigjtnmow#im still fighting to stay alive. i dont know that you understand what thats like#you say you get it. i tjink you just say that#you loved me and i dont like that. i warned you and you dwatted my warning away#how is that all my fault.#how is all of this my fault.#💭
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huh.
#eli.txt#idk i think ive been slowly forgiving my sister for how deeply hurt i felt when she moved out bc now I Get It. like I Get It#when she moved out i was. 9. and in my head i thought she had left because of me. because i wasnt the easiest kid in the world and i know-#-she had a hard time dealing with me when we were alone. we're so far apart in age we couldnt connect for most of my life. and in my head#that was the reason she left home. bc of me. bc she was tired of *me.*#i know now thats not true. and i understand now why she had to leave because if she felt the way im feeling then goddamn im glad she got ou#this feeling SUCKS. nd like#yeah this probably has to do with my father's daughter and the fact that she refused to even meet me until our dad died.#it took my dad dying for my sister to even be in the same room as me. that really messed with me as a kid. like it REALLY did.#so when my sister left home i just kinda went. oh okay neither of my sisters want anything to do with me! i will be alone forever! got it!#AND I KNOW NOW THATS NOT TRUE ON EITHER OF THEIR ENDS. I DONT HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP W MY DADS DAUGHTER AND I PROBABLY NEVER WILL#BUT I DONT HOLD ANYTHING AGAINST HER ANYMORE BC GOD HER MOTHER WAS AWFUL AND I GET WHY SHE DIDNT WANT TO MEET ME BC OF EVERYTHING#BUT LIKE. THAT MESSED ME UP AND I JUST STRAIGHT UP ASSUMED BOTH MY SISTERS HATED ME FOR SO LONG.#AND NOW THAT I ALSO FEEL LIKE I NEED TO LEAVE I CAN SEE SO CLEARLY. MY SISTER NEVER HATED ME I WAS NEVER THE REASON SHE LEFT.#I CAN LET GO OF HOW HURT I FELT BECAUSE I ALSO NEED TO LEAVE#god i dont wanna hurt my mom though.#dont think i could leave her completely alone in this apartment. i dont think i can do that.#anyway. hi tumblr did you like todays oversharing episode
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Which group did you used to think was overrated but ended up loving?
ok, im gonna get so much hate for this but bts….
i used to not like bts, i dont know why but i never thought i would get into them but fast forward a year, i listened to dynamite and i was obsessed. so then my dislike turned into to love and my opinion changed.
#remember i didnt day anything offensive#i just didnt like and understand the hype#until i listened to them properly#now i respect bts so no hate please#nia says!
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i cant stop thinking abt him... have been doing that all daynd i feel so sad nd my heart hurtsso bad nd i long for him sm it's just a bad day :((
#it's bc i saw that he#uploaded his background which was just nothing. and said that he feels empty#and a couple of months ago before i ruined it all#he said that he had me as his background#so now i feel so fkn sad#i dont know why im like this but i feel so crazy about him i wanna die#i think about him constantly and i'venever ever wanted to be with or know someone this badly#and to know that he sees me as a disappointment... and not good enough for him... and that he doesnt love me enough to wanna fix it#or even have a 'it' with me#hurts so bad#so now im just in an awful headspace...#i hate myself so much#i wish i could go back and not do what i did#i did it bc i thought it'd bring me closer to him#but i was wrong and i didnt understand that until now#and instead it caused him to think im not what he thought i was or what he wants me to be#and no matter how much i try to explain i realize thatonly i understand#bcmy brains broken and no one could ever understand why i do what i do#i am alone. always and forever i will never know closeness or intimacy#the thing is thatbefore i met him i was fine w that#i kinda longed for it but i had resigned myself to a life without it#then i met him nd it felt real nd like it could bereal for me#plus i genuinely like him sm i feel sm for him so i desperately want it w him#but then..... it turned out that im not good enough for him#it just rlly hurts that the ONLY time i've ever wanted someone#and it started w them wanting me back#who i am was a disappointment nd i fucked it up bc of a misunderstanding#that i cant clear up bc i cant make anyone understand my fucked up broken reasoning#i will bealone forever and i just wanna die
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As I get older and older I more tangibly realize why queer individuals in older generations than mine might prefer words I wouldn't use for myself, and likewise why younger generations preferences would be different too. Like it was always clear you know, a person knows their identity best and what labels they prefer best and even if you don't get it you should respect it. But I guess the older I get the more I realize I really don't know and never can know the background another person has for their perceptions and meaning for labels and why something in particular helps them to use or not
#rant#lgbt#...........................................................................................................................................#i just. so im alive in the time i guess when i saw trans identities barely discussed like even in educational material i didnt#hear about gender identity until i dug deep. to people now using transmasc and transfemme as labels. labels i dont understand and know#i dont. i presume they mean trans people who identify with masculinity or femininity? but i think im probably wrong#because ive seen transmen call themselves transmasc and it confuses me. because a transman can be a very feminine person who loves makeup#so. one cannot say transmasc and actually Mean all trans men. a transfemme does Not include all transwomen because transwomen can be butch#and reject femininity. so like... from my outdated perception i see it as the cis straight societal gender expectations of men MUST be masc#women MUST be femme which. i hate. becayse i specifically feel all people should and can be whatever they want.#any man can be feminine any woman can be masculine any person can be any range on that and change daily and do what they want#and their gender is still valid. and then like. theres ppl like me. im nonbinary. im a pretty feminine guy#im a fairly masculine woman. i dont think i could even fit into transmasc or transfemme labels.#i do think those labels help and suit people who like them. if i met a nonbinary lipstick lesbian perhapa#transfemme would help her xommunicate how she feels. but those words dont help me they are boxes i cant fit inside#and i get why they exist but its like. cool. now i get why transman needs to be preserved Outside of transmasc. because feminine trans men#still need space. i get why masculinjty and femininity need to mean something clearly Separate from gender itself or we loose the ability#to express the range of gender expression in qll areas. i dont know what transexual means but now i realize why a person older than me#may LIKE that label and cling to it. because it may communicqte something For Them that helps them in a#way that was lost to understanding by my generation. in a way that the terms no longer useful for my self identity but is for them.#in the way that trans man and nonbinary fit me but i could never be fit within the labels of transmasc or transfem etc#and in the way that for some people transmasc etc labels will fit Them and Help in a way a label like transman never can. and so on
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OHOHOHO NOOOHOHOHO IVE BEEN REPOSTING MY ART ON TWITTER SCHEDULING THEM TO BE POSTED EVERY 3 HOURS AND I JUST REALIZED THAT BC I DONT HAVE MUCH OF A BACKGROUND OVER THERE AND PEOPLE ARE SEEING THEM FOR THE FIRST TIME THEYRE GONNA HAVE TO BEAR WITNESS TO MY KRANG SHENANIGANS WITH NO WARNING AND NO IDEA ABOUT HOW I FELT ABOUT HIM UNTIL THAT POINT PLEASE IM GONNA LOSE FOLLOWERS OVER THERE SO QUICKLY LAMSOJSAHFAHFSJSH
#ITS LITERALLY SO IRONIC CAUSE LIKE..OK UH#LISTEN IVE NEVER ACTUALLY FESSED UP BEFORE BUT ABOUT TIME I DO IT NOW IN THE TAGS BUT UM I HAVE A CRUSH ON LEO 💀💀#AND UNTIL NOW IM SUPER HESITANT TO ADMIT IT#AND NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT IM LIKE... 'OH NO WHAT WILL I DO IF I ADMIT IT WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO MY REPUTATION!! ILL BE CRINGE!!' and like.#dude you have a crush on the krang your reputation was sullied a LONG TIME AGO WHAT DIGNITY IS LEFT TO BE PRESERVED 😭#just the way that i always thought 'man having a crush on the krang is marginally less embarrassing than admitting i really like leonardo'#LIKE DUDE NO IT ISNT???????????#they are both embarrassing but in different ways#LEOS THE TYPA LOSER THAT ID RATHER DIE THAN BE SEEN IN PUBLIC WITH#AND THE KRANG IS JUST WIDELY HATED WITH ASPECTS THAT ONLY I SEE AND IM JUST MAKING A FOOL OUT OF MYSELF💀#the mental acrobatics i go through is actually just so..#I NEVER WORRIED ABOUT BEING JUDGED FOR HAVING A CRUSH ON THE KRANG BUT IM WORRIED ABOUT HAVING A CRUSH ON A TURTLE THAT EVERYONE-#-UNDERSTANDS THE APPEAL OF?????? LIKE HUH#sorry yall eyes have been opening these past few days 💀💀💀💀#my own bf described leo as my 'turtle boyfriend' once LIKE I DIDNT EVEN LIKE LEO THAT MUCH BUT HE KNEW SOMETHING I DIDNT 😭#MY BF DOESNT EVEN WATCH ROTTMNT#THAT IS NOT A DEFINING CHARACTER TRAIT#HE USUALLY CALLS THEM BY THEIR MAIN ATTRIBUTES OR THEIR BANDANA COLOR (EX. THE SMART ONE. THE ANGRY ONE. THE ORANGE ONE)#WHY DID HE CALL HIM MY TURTLE BOYFRIEND I DONT UNDERSTAND#I CRIED ABOUT IT (/LH) AND HIS RESPONSE WAS 'what? ✨polyamory!✨' LIKE DUDE PLEAESEEE 😭😭😭😭#IM GLAD THAT I KNOW YOURE OPEN#BUT WHAT#good to know that my bf flat out said that he was okay with me being with leo apparently 💀#idk whats wrong with him /aff#my bf not the turtle i know whats wrong with him#anyways um.#YEAH LETS NEVER SPEAK ABOUT ANYTHING I ADDED IN THE TAGS AGAIN#its classified info between the two of us you the reader and me the mikyomix CAPICHE??#also no this does not affect sona lore whatsoever they r just friends#translation: i am a wuss 👍
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okay im enjoying getting these dialogues i previously missed so much. literally astarion when you ask what? will you miss me: "HA!
why not!!!"
#yea dont look at me i started a new character and felt like shit going through all the stuff that i just walked past on my beloved character#so i just made my og character the exact same again and im doing the exact same route with him again VDKFJDJDJDKF#but now im gonna actually do all the stuff in the game bc before i didnt understand the game so i missed so much#i was gonna explain everything i felt but it got way too long so ill just say this instead:#im already getting so much fuller of an experience and i couldnt be happier#and i wanna play my new character (who i like) when i dont feel misersble doing it#im not someone whos precious abt their games like when its over thats it thats the canon story so this way works for me#i build it meticulously until im satisfied!#im still gonna make the same decisions. hes still gonna be the same deceitful little rat with delusions of grandeur#but now i just play out all the massive amounts of stuff i didnt know existed bc i didnt understand how to navigate the game#its gonna be tough to eat the tadpoles again and be cool to the dream visitor bc i HATE the emperor hdjdjdjf#but like i said first time around its absolutely what he would do bc hes convinced he can control it#to get back to the post itself LMAO im obv so happy to get all the astari0n dialogue i missed bc just with this one dialogue i missed#(bc i didnt know how to long rest well) im getting a much more fleshed out picture of his manipulation and its so great#im on tactician now so im hoping it will force me to long rest more so i miss less camp dialogue#anyway can you believe my previous attempt at these tags was even longer? lmao bye im off to enjoy the game however i please!
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You're so right with shimerigawa
he's kinda became my guilty pleasure ares character
SHIMERIGAWA LIKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE.... HES SO CHARMING AND FUNNY!! i genuinely do not understand why they wrote him the way they did. why are we using a 13 year old kid to make KAGEYAMA look like a good(??) guy... hello...
its so crazy to me!! because they could have done something a lot more interesting with him!! shimerigawa is a first year--hes the only one here who doesnt know what kidous teikoku is like! and teikoku struggle to find their standing without kidou! the link between the two is quite obvious to me?! he could have very easily been used to push the rest of teikoku to find their answer to that problem in their own way (instead of being manipulated into it by kageyama without being made aware of it)!!!!
hes a completely new addition to the team that isnt influenced by kidou in any way so he could have led them on an entirely new path that they would never have considered otherwise due to their history w him!! (punches wall) yet another example of the potential ares had and how interesting it could have been if theyd bothered to write it properly!!! grraaahhhh !!!!! BUT IM GLAD TO KNOW THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE WHO LIKE HIM so thank you for sending this ask to me....!!! <3
#to be honest i didnt really like him until a recent rewatch tehe. i do remember a mutual older than me liking him a lot back then (2018)#and i couldnt understand it... i never hated though i just didnt care. but ive matured and i get it now#wait sorry that i ended up talking so much in this reply. what i meant w it is that he genuinely has the potential to be a great#character that no one would be ashamed to love.....!!#inzm
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Me: Why r my adhd meds making me feel worse not better :( Also I am the meanest person alive I shall hide in my room and sleep forever from guilt
A few weeks later
*Gets diagnosed with Bipolar* OHHHHHHHH
#NOW WERE GETTIN SOMEWHERE#now: to find out if the issues focusing are all bipolar or also adhd#and how the heck to get adhd meds thst dont ruin the help of the bipolar meds im trying#if these meds are even the ones but i have high hopes cause they work for mom!#THIS COULD BE IT#rambles#disabilities#i always suspected bipolar a little bit cause genetics but thought most likely not#suspected a lot MORE 2020 on as all the stress exacerbated symptoms#but i really didnt want it to be true#and now even looking back to being a kid#so many things clicking i feel so STUPID#its like realizin all my cryin & procrastinatin & feelin stuck doin things i hate wasnt me just bein lazy but mental health issues as a kid#realizing i might not be evil after all! TWO!!#still should stay in my room until i can wean off the adhd meds though just because i understand my outbursts doesnt mean i can excuse em#all i can think to do lol#the thing that scares me is how it comes out of nowhere it didnt happen very often as a kid and was a lot of bottled up anger#or run around the yard about it#i wonder if i have mixed affective state#it just goes from manic to depressed and vice versa on a DIME its scary
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One of the most confusing parts of autism is knowing that ppl are looking for a specific answer when asking your opinion, but not knowing what they want. This is closely followed by knowing that someone is asking you one question but meaning something else and not knowing what they actually mean
The apprenticeship review I was in had both for a solid ten minutes and I want to rip my hair out in frustration
#delete later#it genuinly is pushing me into a meltdown and i need to go get my headphones before i push muself into a panic attack#she also sprung something on me out of nowhere about a meeting i have tomorrow and now im panicking over it bc i didnt prepare#bc it was marked as an introductory meeting#it means that every deadline and plan ive made has gone completely out of the window#im going to smash my head through a fucking window im so unnerved and frustrated and uncomfortable and anxious#she didnt check anything that is normally checked and i dont understand why and its made me really worried abd unnerved#and i hate it#truly the worst part about becoming more mentally healthy is being able to feel enough emotion to find out that half of my panic#attacks are actually meltdowns that made me dissociate and hyperventilate. now i dont dissociate as much and theres nothing#between me and the overwhelming frustration and discomfort so rrying not to hit myself or the wall or scream or bite through#my tongue is way harder#just have to force myself to get the weighted blanket and pin myself under it until i can think again
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My adult advice is if you do pursue something you're passionate in for a career (or really if you go about getting any job) that being treated like shit is not fair to you. Working over 40 hours for your dream job a week, working 60 hour crunch hours for months for your dream job, working with no health insurance for years, your dream job paying you a wage too low to live where you need to in order to do the job so you're financially getting worse, your job not hiring enough people because you care about the work too much to let it fail so they just overwork you and have you do 2-3 peoples jobs, your dream job does not protect you from work hazards and you feel you'll lose your job if you bring it up? You don't deserve any of that shit. You deserve better. Whether your job is some boring thing you don't care about, or your absolute favorite thing in the world that you care about deeply and find to be the meaning of your life, you deserve to be treated fairly. You deserve to not be overworked to the point of suicidal or sick, you deserve to be able to go to the doctor and take your kids to the doctor and know if your kid gets a long term illness you can get long term treatment, you deserve to not have the entire success of a company fall on your shoulders to do multiple jobs if you weren't the supervisor who decided Not to adequately hire, you deserve to be able to go pee when you need to, you deserve to have adequate protection from dangers to your life. Period. No matter what job. If you're being treated like shit, you don't deserve it. It's not a price you should be expected to endure, not even for your dream job. It's a fucked up situation that real people caused by deciding to treat their employees badly.
#rant#feel free to ignore#but like. if you never had a job yet or havent had many jobs yet or ur in college#its some food for thought.#i just like. when i was a child i didnt understand some choices my dad made.#now that im an adult? i do have a job i like and find meaningful.#but also like... i did WANT to do character concept art for video games. but i see employees in those companies now#workjng 60 hour crunch hours. short term contract work so no health insurance.#and its like... well i needed 4 surgeries in the last 4 years. i needed the ER like 20 times.#i needed 2 of those surgeries as a direct result of when i worked 60 hour weeks for a year#and it made me both mentally suicidal despite Liking the work. and physically damaged my health for life#and now i need medicine montjly that costs 600 or more if i didnt have insurance.#so its like... well. if i had tried to do character concept art for X companies games i played?#well id be dead right now. dead before age 28. because 60 hour workweeks over a year probably wouldve killed me#my life wouldnt have been worth drawing if yhat job turned my passion into my own hell and my own killet#you get me?#like. even if you pursue a dream job (or a hated job even)#know your limits. your life is most important. if a job says 60 hours ans you got 2 kids and need to work#until you can get another job to hire you? then you take the risk probably yeah#or youre healthy and willing to suffer for 4 months before ysing the experience to apply for a job that is 40 hours a#week and pays more. but if a job is demanding inhumane bullshit it IS a horrible thing#and its something you deserve better than.
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watching the three of them (badly) attempt to manage a play is so fucking funny yet frustrating at the same time like. sister this is part of our coursework if yall dont feel like getting a 4.0 this semester masalah kau lah dont involve the whole class bro. also do yall not have the ability to ASK when you dont know something???? or basic listening skills?????????? we relayed word for word from the auditorium people that no we cannot install overhead lights WHICH MEANS NO FRESNELS?? i dont understand whats confusing about that. and to make matters worse the director is holidaying in fucking VIETNAM two weeks into the new semester. the director who made a "stage plan" thats barely a kindergarteners doodle and insisted that is was finalised. kak if you came to class on saturday instead of going to vietnam you would know that is no fucking stage plan. if this was just the department production then if yall wanted to syok sendiri boleh lah but this is our coursework hello. and the rest of us cant even say anything because theyre the course reps and if we give any critique on the management they tell us to "not be hostile" when literally everyone was chill je???? yall said if we had concerns we can voice out????? we voiced out our concerns lepas tu kena hentam. am i the clown or are they the clowns i dont even know anymore this wasnt even supposed to be our coursework if the three of them didnt beg the lecturer to make it so that we can do one less production
#the treasurer didnt have access to the budget for a whole month and they refused to give it until we went to the programme leader#i am now in charge of three departments#while the director is in vietnam “staying away from the negativity in (her) life”#and the producer is spewing crap she doesnt even care to understand#and the other director has no fucking clue whats going on but just wants to be co director bc her friends are there and she has fomo#we have now joined forces with the lecturers we used to hate because your enemys enemy is your friend#daisy vs uni#also forgive the occasional manglish i cannot english rn
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i saw the duchess of malfi earlier today and i'm still thinking about it I Have So Many Grievances
#the incestuous undertones were stronger than perhaps necessary#also i didnt know who tf that guy (bosola) was and i kept being like (SPOILERS AHEAD?)#spoilerrrrrrrrrrrs coming up... noW#WHY ARE YOU MURDERING PEOPLE FOR MONEY???? JUST ? DONT? ITS THAT EASY?#but like. idk i didnt understand any of his talk w the cardinal at the start which probably didnt help#THEY KILLED MY QUEEN#they actually killed every woman but like#cmon#and i was super invested in how it was gonna end#until antonio died#then everyone died and it was just like#:/ come on this is silly now#i wanted to grab bosola and ferdinand by the shoulders and throw them into the nearest pit of fire#AND BOSOLA HAD THE CHEEK TO LIKE. TRY AND AVENGE THE WOMAN H E KILLED????? BRO?>???#get a grip get a life (or not actually i kinda wanted him to die)#ferdinand was literally actually evil and terrible and i wanted him murdered since the very start. horrid man.. disgusting#but i hated bosola most for some reason i was just so pissed off at him. maybe because he was a big fuckin snake#the cardinal was so irrelevant sorry babes#but that may have been bc i was trying to work out if i knew the actor (student production)#so i wasnt payin attention. he may have done some kind of plot twist but it did in fact go entirely over my head#the duchess shouldve killed bosola i stand by that#and when she died i wanted antonio to kill the brothers#HIS DEATH WAS SO UNNECESSARY#AND STUPID#anyway#this is my ramble#because i cannot stop thinking about it#it made me so mad for no rzn#it was good dont get me wrong but like#bro
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i feel so empty inside
#i have less than fifty pages left#diana rereads david copperfield#don-draper-a-lot-has-happened.png#i dont know if i wanna finish today? ive read like 37 pages today#i easily COULD#i need a break. i need to digest#i did take breaks actually. to write about my feelings in my reading reflections notebook lol#yes i have one of those and i STILL frequently post my thoughts on here. im a girl who needs many outlets#i never achieve catharsis!!!!!!!!#i took two breaks to write reflections within an hour of each other. lol#one after chapter 55. tempest and chapter 56. the new wound and the old#if you know you know#god. steerforth#i think i hate him more than most ppl#i mean he is a charismatic manipulator and i didnt lack that understanding when i read it five years ago#i didnt think much about what he deserved or how 'good' or 'flawed' he was back when i was 19 tho#ive had enough experiences in life tho now to just plain be full of no sympathy for him#saw someone say in a review blogpost i read last night that he was more sinned against than sinning#i was like ARE you kidding. i cant even start w that. he faces no real pain or remorse in his life until his death#and even his death is just incidental.#im glad he died. it's still moving in the scene when it happens OBVIOUSLY. but good#no one should ever have to worry about what james steerforth is up to. and that's kind of the point#david never sees him again after the betrayal until he's a corpse. good#you were spared from ever having to suffer him again.
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