#didnt really wanna buy any of that stuff anyway though so. not a big deal i just cant help but notice since i always check the sonic toys

[sonknuxadow]

really funny how every time i check on walmarts selection of sonic figures there's like a million doctor deeps sitting there because nobody cares about that guy

[brelione]

Field Trip With A Rich Bitch ll (Rafe Cameron X Reader)

Warnings:Ward Cameron,Mentions of Arsenic Poisoning,Mentions of heavy drugs,mentions of bipolar disorder,mentions of death,Rafe being too tall for every day life

He raised his eyebrows. “Where?”He asked.You rolled your eyes,wishing you had a bottle of wine to take a swig from in that moment. “What?You scared you’re gonna get mud on your shoes?”You asked.He sighed,scratching the back of his neck. “How far away is it?”He asked. “Nevermind,rich bitch,clearly you don't want to know the truth about your father.”You went to turn around but his hand grabbed your wrist quickly. “No,no it's not like that...I just wanna know where we’re going.”He mumbled.You pulled your hand from his grasp,staring down at him. “Come on,then.”You told him,beginning your walk outside the garage.His bike was nearly done,scratches holes and dents gone.The last thing to fix was the seat which wouldn't take long at all.He grabbed his phone,sliding it in his pocket.

He followed you out of the garage,waiting with his hands in his pockets as you pulled the garage door shut,bending over to place a lock on it.You could feel him staring at you. “Stop being a perv.”You grumbled,clicking the lock shut and stood back up.You could see the red blush on his cheek,spreading down his neck and ears.He was so easy to fluster.It was hilarious.Rafe had beat the living hell out of multiple teenagers,made some children cry with a glance and came from one of the most powerful families.But here you were,bossing him around,making him blush and causing him to stutter out apologies.You had that power over most people.Some kooks called you a demon and you embraced it.Most people didn't know it but you had the word tattooed on your thigh with two devil horns hovering over it.You were manipulative,assertive and strong.

You had the charm and the looks to get people to like you without knowing you and you had the glare that made the hair on the back of people’s necks stick up straight.You hadnt always been like that,only becoming this emotionless ball of rage after Ward Cameron had destroyed everything that made your life worth living.The beautiful thing was you had Ward Cameron’s one and only son wrapped around your finger and there was nothing he could do about it.Rafe was deprived of attention.Not only was Ward a terrible person but a terrible father as well.Rafe was desperate for attention now and if you gave him the attention he wanted he was all yours.You knew that and deep down he knew it too. “We’ll take the woods,I can't risk being seen with you.”You walked around the back of the garage.It was a steep hill full of rocks and some poison ivy.You knew where not to step and Rafe did his best to step the same places you did.You were pretty far ahead of him,around ten feet.Down the hill was a narrow pavement trail,cracks and holes all over it. “Anyone ever told you that you walk slow for a tall person?”You asked.

He grinned to himself,trying not to fall while also trying not to hit his head on any branches. “How long do you think we’ll be out for?”He asked.You shrugged. “Maybe an hour.”You replied,walking along the narrow pavement.Rafe wasn't used to being in the woods,at least not this deep in the woods,he was jumping at every noise. “Do you think that was a wolf?” “No.” “Did you hear that?” “No.” “Oh my god-what if there's a dead body out here?” “Rafe.We’re going to a cemetery,if there are no dead bodies then that would be a problem.” “I hate cemeteries.” “Well that sucks for you.” As you were coming to the end of the narrow pavement into the grass Rafe jumped from the crunch of a twig,grabbing onto you and pulling you to his chest.You stood stiff,his arms tightening around your waist as he listened for more sounds. “Are you going to let go of me or will I have to drag you?”You asked.He let go of you with a huff. “Do you think we should head back?”He asked.You sighed.

This was what you got from bringing a kook into the woods. “You're such a pussy.”You sighed,continuing your walk.He kept kicking the back of your heel by accident because he was so close behind you.You two walked onto the grass,looking across the field at the gravestones,benches and statues.He had come here a few times for late night drug deals and drinking with Kelce and Topper.It was a creepy old place that always made him shiver.Beer cans and red solo cups littered the ground from his previous trips here.You sighed as you looked across the graveyard to one corner,the one furthest away.He watched as you began your walk across the field.Most of the graves were covered in pollen and dirt splotches,the grass almost as tall as the stones themselves.It was gross and unkept and smelled like weed and cheap beer from gas stations.His feet were sinking into the mud,causing him to grumble something about how annoying it would be to clean them.He dragged his feet as he followed you to one large stone with vines growing up the sides.There were muddy streaks across the names like someone had tried to wipe it clean with a dirty hand.

 “Rafe,meet my parents.Mom,Dad meet the rich bitch.”You sighed,standing in front of the grave.Rafe’s eyes widened,his chest tightening.You grinned at his reaction. “What?”You asked.He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out.What was he even supposed to say?Sorry your parents are dead and ended up in this shitty cemetery.Sorry I dealt cocaine by your parents grave.Sorry half those beer cans are mine. “Close your mouth Rafe,you look like a trout.”You smirked.He closed his mouth,gulping and tapping his leg nervously. “I bet you’re wondering what your dad has to do with this.”You spoke,observing his expression.He nodded,looking at the date on the grave.They had both died on the same day of 2004 which meant you were only two years old at the time. “You ever wonder how your father got all that money in the first place?Cause I can tell you it's definitely not whatever bull shit story he’s been telling everyone.”You used the sleeve of your yellow shirt to wipe the dirt off your parents’ names.He bit the inside of his cheek,waiting for you to continue. 

“Your dad was a dealer.He was my parents dealer.Im not talking about weed either,I mean the heavy shit.Heroin,crack,xanax.What kind of asshole deals xanax?Anyways,he sold to my parents and when they tried to get off the stuff he convinced them to keep buying from him.When they found my ma’s body they found that same heavy shit in her system.But here’s where the story gets really interesting.Not only did they find the heroin but guess what they found.Guess.”You ordered him.He blinked,glancing between you and the grave. “I-I dont know.”He mumbled.You nodded. “Arsenic.Your shitty father poisoned the drugs he gave my parents.WHo does that?”You sighed,flicking a bug off of the grave stone.He bit his lip as he took in this new information. “And he didnt get arrested or charged or anything?”He asked.

You laughed. “What do you think?You think Sarah Cameron would exist?You think you’d live in that big house with all of that nice stuff and your fancy ass gold plated spoons?No.None of that would be possible if your father got what he deserved.You know what your father got?A nice house,millions of dollars,a handsome son and multiple yachts.Thats what he got after killing my parents.You know what I had to grow up with?A one bedroom house with three cousins and a bipolar aunt.Thats what I got.”You ranted,tears stinging in your eyes as you got louder and louder.He didn't say anything,scared that only squeaks would come out.You bit your lip to hold back to the tears,the water leaking from your eyes and down your cheeks as you laughed. “And now my aunt and my baby cousin are dead too!”You gestured to the grave next to you. “And you know what else?I've had to work for 12 years of my life and you know where I live?In a shitty house thats falling apart and all I do is work on cars and bikes every single day and I cant even feel my hands anymore and I have fucking broken toes from kneeling all day and I cant even afford to go to a fucking hospital.And the only person that I can blame is your dad.”You wiped the tears from your face with your sleeves,smearing dirt across your cheekbone.

His bottom lip quivered,fingertips going numb as he listened to you.Something compelled him to step forward,grabbing your waist gently and pulling you into a hug.You did not fight him.If it were under any other circumstances then telling him that his father had been a drug lord,killed your parents,ruined your life and caused you to work every day of your life then maybe you wouldn't have accepted the hug.You never thought you’d be hugging Rafe Cameron,or any kook for that matter. “I can um...I can bring you to the hospital to get your toes fixed.”He offered.You laughed into his chest,getting tears on his shirt. “Wow,thanks.”You whispered,laughing again.He gulped,resting his chin on your head.It seemed that you had both needed a hug.You were holding onto him so tightly,holding fistfulls of his shirt in your hands.He hadnt hugged anyone in years and it seemed that you hadnt either. “Do yourself a favor and don't turn into your father.And if you keep going down the path you’re going down now then you’ll end up just like my parents.”You sighed.He frowned.

You sounded like one of those commercials of people staring at the camera with crocodile tears running down their faces as they talked about some loved one who had died and how drugs weren't the answer.You probably didn't know though,it wasn't like you could afford cable.He just nodded,knowing you did not need his attitude right now. “(Y/N).”He mumbled.You hummed,closing your eyes.You didnt cry often and never in front of people but when you did cry it stung like hell.You couldn't exactly rub your eyes with your fingers either because they had traces of oil and chemicals. “What if we piss my father off and get him to confess to the murders?”He asked.You sniffled,looking up at him with puffy eyes. “How?”You asked.

Part Three will be up this weekend!

@gabbismith​

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 28-29, 2019 // the bonny scot

posting this a day later than normal because this is one of the rare episodes that shows a passage of time from one day to the next yayy love that for them

-wonder what filming these beginning sexy scenes is like for them in real life

-sooooo can lucy see nancys sexy dream? is she judging? does this mean she likes nancy with owen or nick more? or is she trying to tell nancy that her sex dreams are irrelevant to the mystery at hand and she needs to focus?

-seeing people in the ✨prison chair✨: gomber, carson, karen (voting for josh s3 just saying)

-completely ignores carson's question about herself typical nance

-"or maybe i did stumble across a knife" its like hes trying to make the case against him look plausible while attempting to maintain innocence. this is a slippery slope for carson to try and encourage her to keep her pacified + hide the truth while also trying to keep her from getting involved bc hudsons

-"genetics gets you in the door" aaaaand then she walks in to everetts office to meet him and crashes their family dinner

-ok who tf is dawn and why is she in charge here

-this guidance counselor of nicks is my favorite person

-"i admire your allergy to pleasantries" bess and nancy both have reveals to big families but nancy does not have the graceful, accepting reveal to her rich family like bess does at this lunch. nancys reveal is messy, cold, bloodstained and sticky-fingered, not nice in any way whatsoever. and this little chat with everett (bit of a parallel to lucy's) just highlights how nancy is always bad at bargaining with her grandparents*- always trying to fight on their level but giving up her equal hand bc she doesnt know how to hide it when they bring up something she doesnt know. like confronting celia at the masque: she was so confident with her theory and what she knew, but then we got a "what does that mean?" like. the instant you say that, you lose. and she walked right into the "yes i do have someone, hes in jail" 🤦🏼‍♀️ even in the car with ryan at the end of s1, he literally just fucking leaves her there. like 🤷🏼‍♀️ what did u think was gonna happen sis?? for all she can predict how past things lead to present circumstances shes fucking awful at seeing the direct future *(grandparents except for patrice bc her dementia makes her inaccessable)

-lmaooooo this awko ass portrait...i get the empty space is for nance but who on earth thought this was a good pic??

-LISBETH 🥺💙

-"will u help the claw for me?" george struggles financially to keep her livelihood while nancy is somehow shown as being taken care of even when her parent is incarcerated; both nancy and george live in single parent homes now with mention of both medical debt and george being breadwinner yet nancy has no struggles while george does. (i wonder if ryan had been able to help george here how the story would have changed)

-"when it comes to following people around without their knowledge or consent i am somewhat of a repeat offender" 😂😂😂

-"he wasnt endgame after all" BESS lmaoooo

-"...okay." lmaoooo i fuckin love owen

-i was hoping the girls' faces would be more shocked like with a glance to owen but they just....werent

-"we're the good guys" <---- this statement is soooo interesting in terms of how they structure the show and how the characters see themselves (its an interesting contrast with the more definitive good vs evil with things that are both clearly good and clearly evil but theres also a lot of moral grey area here, the show is kinda swamped in it. are nancy and crew the good guys? are they the bad guys in someone else's story? concerns.)

-"i'd call it more than just stuff" like why did u concede that??? and then the shit about oof that didnt sound like a compliment lmaoooooo why does she suck at arguing?? she and owen wouldnt work long term bc theyre so similar (as mentioned later on)

-i LOVE george slowly falling in love with nick here- hence how upset she gets when nick bails on her for nancy later (which is totally justified!!!)

-i am LIVING for the little nod this driver guy gives bess when she turns back around all nervous 😂

-"i do like buying things" i would so say that too tbh

-"you'd have plenty to talk about" LMFAOOOOOOO SHE KNOWS "marvins dont marry drivers" so diana is totally fine with the gay its just the poor she has a problem with 😂💙fuckin love that

-love how nancy just casually ruins everything for nick/george lmaooo

-"i have seen you at your best, nancy, and there is nothing like it." 🥴😳 i love this still-in-love look nancy gives him thats so strong he had to change the subject

-so is haunting time 11 pm? from that clock of bashiir's?

-how do NO neighbors notice this fucking water and shit

-these are TOTALLY AWFUL fake screams from the bonny scot crew 😭

-"i know well enough not to get involved when he's in play" both carson and ryan avoid engaging with everett even though nancy is willing to do so armed with less info and more balls/ but "could i trust him" and ryan says yes lmaooooo NO honey + that makes ryan 0/2 for helping the girls when they ask this ep

-"find a project of your own" and he does, with his youth center 🙏🏻💙 what s2 foreshadowing!

-"god i wish i still drank" 😂😂😂

-"she is darling." 💙👌🏻

-okay wtf is mirror bay??

-i really wonder about the extent of celia x sebastians relationship here. did she truly care about him or was it just secret and exciting sex? also would love more hints of diana vs celia moments like these. celia doesnt even look upset. i mean shes had time to deal but like wtf. and who exactly is sebastian to diana? not her husband? like damn what if he was. somehow i doubt she'd talk about him diddling celia if diana was disrespected also

-i wonder if celia being so invested in dna testing nancy was bc everrett dna tested ryan to make sure he was his bc of sebastian / other men (which would be totally valid on his part!! but wouldnt it be funny as fuck if ryan wasnt his 😂)

-what a neat hiding place in this frame lmaooo who put that in for them tho? like how do u go about ordering that

-"you certainly are your fathers daughter" this quote is doubly ironic and foreshadowy bc theyre referencing carson here as being a useful hudson attaché but nancy is playing everett just like ryan played celia about putting his house up (but TRIPLY ironic bc carson pulls off the long con of hiding nancy from the hudsons right under their noses this whole time!) the one time nancy is successful against them

-that bess/lisbeth look while lisbeth does something badass (+diana reassessing now that lisbeth has been revealed to be useful)

-"almost as fun as a real fight" why do i believe him? lmaoooo a bit weird that he would enjoy a fight w a partner, but i also think this is an acknowledgement of nancy being an "opponent" who exists at his level. but i also love the "let me take you out" as a direct mirror of her relationship with nick, where she avoids the public acknowledgment/"going out" but prefers the more subtle/hidden arrangements of staying in. but as shown with later eps, owen is way more capable of meeting nancy where shes at, which is so important to her + the only way of getting close to nancy. (the only foil is ace who somehow is able to do both)

-"not always about a guy" <---- this could have been such a powerful statement if the show had thought having nancy end up alone/choose herself instead of pitting her between love interests (nick, owen, gil, even potentially ace, in only 2 seasons) was a more worthy stance to take ; as an aro/ace person i cant tell you how much i would kill to see just one female protag choose herself over a man. and its more realistic to end up alone than have a happy ending anyway, for all that these shows try to be as "real" and gritty grimdark as possible

-"is that what you want?" this is an interesting question to his mother- like maybe he senses her unhappiness? combined with his issues with his father- still trying to look out for his mom? either way it's sweet. (it could also potentially work as foreshadowing of something happening to her, but i think that was played with but then diverted when it was revealed who really killed her) "i think its time i steer this ship" still kind of patriarchal tho. i get that its him coming into his own as a dad technically but still. i also like how he calls her "mother" and not mom

-love that old white people thumbs up at george asking about his clams 👍🏻

-okay fuck dawn tho lmfaoooo

-"stressful dinner huh?" 😂 i fucking love lisbeth so much why didnt they bring her back (wouldnt it be Fucking Hilarious if they brought lisbeth back to bounce bess on her expired visa since the marvins kicked her out and didnt fix it lmaoooooo)

-BESS IS A TOP lmaooooooo i fuckin knew it

-nick says "you can pay me back" wonder if thats gonna come back in s3 considering their "marital problems" (also, those bonds are sosus lmfaoooo if any single person cashing those was looked at sideways they'd confess in 2 seconds that some random guy is handing out bearer bonds they dont even make anymore with absolutely zero proof as to how he got them)

-"you wanna finish what you started?" 👀 (dont mind if i do)

-"i need my dad back" parallels s2 when she asks him to come home

-parent politics: "you are taking your life in your hands / no, i'm putting it in yours" vs "i know well enough not to get involved when hes in play" both carson and ryan try to dissuade nancy from pursuing her pulling this con on everett but go about it different ways: carson is wildly concerned with nancys physical wellbeing but ryan appears to be leaning more towards weighing the odds for her/ like a "you cant win so cut your losses/dont try" scenario which interestingly might have more weight with nancy; its easy for her to brush aside carson's worrying like second nature but nancy has been established to be a determined winner, and ryan speaks to her here like shes a beginners luck prodigy at a blackjack table by encouraging her to keep her record clean by not dealing in this next round. of course she herself admits shes incapable of not dealing in ie "you know me better than that" but i have lots more thoughts on how effective ryans approaches to nancy can be sometimes (saving for the reveal ep 🙏🏻)

-wonder what all carson knows about the hudsons? + that look on his face when he hangs up... wonder if he was just lying to her about knowing anything or just ashamed at having to admit bad things hes done for them

-love nick & bashiir waiting together 🙏🏻💙+ nicks very strong and pointed "good night" as a means of ending his convo w nancy on his terms (gotta reinforce those boundaries man!)

and lastly

-celia + that gossip girl moment when she just throws the whole phone away 😂(wonder if she was just talking to "gus" or whoever that guy was. keep forgetting the bobbseys' dad is in prison too, wonder if he'll feature in s3)

[shiro-0197]

Oh I hope you guys do get to have a party sometime soon!! That'd be so exciting. And grrr yes I know the feeling. If it weren't for friends, I'd be happy to study at home tbh :(

aaah yes I understand that!! Tho wow you're so cute istg 😭😭 hmm, for me, I guess it would be any job related to small kids?? Like children under 8? Because I really don't have the patience to deal with children. But I love jobs with customer service, so we're opposites hehe >.< Tho my favourite would be if I could do something entrepreneurial. I haven't thought of this much but I hope to be able to after my exams. and I'm also very sure you'll find the job perfect for you in the future!! That way you'll actually enjoy doing it, because it plays to your strengths :')

NO EXCUSE ME YOU'RE SO CUTE. I find Hinata ADORABLE for that, and the fact that you do that too?? Cute as hell 😭💖

Idon't fluster my friends at all, they know me too well. But there was a new guy who sat in front of me, last year, and everytime I flirted with him, he got soooo flustered. So that was really cute to me. I hope we'll still sit near each other this year too :) and aaah your flirting must've been so sweet for him to stutter. Not surprised. I'd probably react the same way to you😭😣

I'm sorry 🥺🥺 >.< But I'll definitely remember it now!! And awww dumplings are literally so wonderful. They're like tiny little packages with everything delicious inside them. sounds to me like you'd like Chinese cuisine tbh 😣😣💖💖

good for you, you're literally the ideal friend grrr I'm so proud to have you. I'm that irresponsible friend, sometimes. And other times I'm like the most responsible person on the planet. Depends on the task and day, I suppose xD

oh noooo please don't worry about it >:(( it was just a random thing I saw on Wikipedia.

awww I see! I never really owned all those books either hehe... I borrowed the Percy Jackson series from a friend at first (and now I'm slowly saving up to buy the entire collection, one book at a time), and I downloaded the e-book for Harry potter. I'm pretty good at downloading free pdfs online (which really isn't something I should be proud of, but oh well) and if you ever need a book, do let me know :> I'd be happy to email it to you xD 💖💖💖

Not surprising at all. Your love for cheese is so endearing to me.

AYO‼️‼️ REMINDER FOR SHIRO; PLEASE DRINK YOUR WATER SIR, OR I'LL FLY TO KAZAKHSTAN AND MAKE SURE YOU STAY HYDRATED😾😾

thank you very much!! I hope I'll be able to do it well :D don't wanna disappoint or bore anyone :<

I love you too, did your day go well? I've just been glued to my desk. I've been studying since morning hhh, but I've gotta go in for work tomorrow so ://

AND OMG SLDHSKSJSK THAT'S SO CUTE 😭😭😭 I'D TOTALLY WATCH THAT VIDEO !! CHISHIYA'S CAT EARS JUST EXTENDED MY LIFE BY TEN YEARS. he's a catboy, wbk 😼😼😼

—🦋

Yes yes I hope so too!!! I'll bring my quiche😼😼 our tutor is obsessed with them and gets so happy when I make them xD my friends love them too. Istg if I wont handle being a translator I'm going to a cooking school🙄🤚 I'd actually prefer that but uh ... alright this made me reconsider ??!?! What if I become a cook!!! (Ok that's just my impulsive thoughts, I'll stick with it as a plan B hehe)

Ohhh yeah me too,,, kids are reallyyyy different from each other and I wont be able to keep up with all if them either~ also, no way, you're cuter. Also, entreprjsjdjs !!!! That's so cool, basically setting up businesses and stuff? Sounds difficulttttt though if you really wanna then go for it!!! Good luck, Shortcake heheh

Ehshwjdd Kuro says that too, every time I do that he goes "alright, Shoyo" I GET SO EMBARRASSED HAHA

AWHHH😭😭 The poor boy, I can imagine his face xD that sounds so adorable, I hope you get to see him soon as well^^ I really dont remember what I said, I just remember the face I made (like a lenny face with kuroo's smirk?? Ok that one sounds so scary but that's probably what I looked like XHMDNDJWJD) and the face he made and honestly, its still the funniest thing EVER

To be honest, me too. I really wanna go check out that one Chinese restaurant on the other side of the city, but its really expensive, so uh, hopefully I'll get to try it later XD everything looks so good there though, cant wait to try them someday.

Flwxmsmfm I'm really glad to have you as well🥺💕 also same, it really depends on how the stars are aligned 😭😭

Ohh~ I see, hehe. I really wish I could focus better. Its probably not a good excuse, but I cant finds single place where I can properly read:/ I swear I need to be locked up so all I can do is read😭 but I'll definitely message you if I ever need one, thank you!!!

Hahah, I never thought I'd hear someone say that my obsession with cheese is endearing, but its pleasantly surprising XD

YEAH I WILL!!! I'm getting a bottle with a straw tomorrow, I dont like drinking water in big volumes so using a straw is the best next thing hehe

Heyy dont say that!! You wont disappoint anyone, trust me! You're such a sweet and fun person, I'm a hundred percent sure everyone will love you!!!<33

I'm so sorry I havent responded earlier!!!! I've been getting like 2 seconds to check my phone and honestly today was very exhausting, I dont really wanna talk about what exactly happened, but it's nothing bad, promise!! No I didnt kill anyone, dont worry

That sounds so tiring too:(( I really hope you're not overworking yourself!!! Please take breaks🥺🤍

HNDMSMDJDJS HE IS 100%

Do you want me to send you the picture without the texts ??? Anyways I'm gonna send it to you either way hehe

I love you so much!! I'm so tired rn but responding to you made me so happy, thank you😔🤍

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas: Bamn! And the kid is 4

Also on AO3! 

TL;DR:  Izuku gets hits by a de-aging quirk and it turns out hes always been super cute.

izuku gets hit w a de-aging quirk back to like,, age 5-8

angst + fluff + dads happens

izuku, iida, bakugo, kiri and all might are getting groceries

not a great team for shopping but its like, just post internship pre cultural festival so its no a disaster

all might is there to make sure they dont do something stupid or get lost. he was kinda hesitant to go with them because he cant protect them anymore but they are little heroes! so they should be ok, right?

w r o n g

the villain attacks katsuki just outside the store, the only one of them that doesnt have a licence, izuku takes a hit for him and he and iida quickly take the villain down while kiri protects the bystanders

then izuku collapses and bakugo is ready to yell because if izuku takes one more hit for someone hes going to be the hit

all might runs over because even though its still dangerous he has a hero license (bc it hasnt been cancled yet because no one wanted to be the person to do it) and thats his s o n. iida is calling the people he should be calling

all might finds just, this tiny tiny green freckly mess in izuku's oversize clothing and he wants to cuss up a storm because FUCk hes liKe 6

bakugo runs over because all might looks like hes going to cry and hes not ready for that today and he sees this horrifically familiar face. he he does swear.

izuku looks so lost but he sees bakugo and he lights up!!

"kacchan!! youre so tall wow!!! so coool!!!"

and bakugo is going to scream bc f u c k hes so annoying and adorable. bakugo tells izuku that he is normally his age but got hit with a quirk that made him small and hes!! so excited!!

hes rambling about how cool the quirk is and wondering how long it lasts and how it works and allmight is just shell shocked still

"young bakugo, should we tell his mother?"

",,, inko is in america chasing down her husband to divorce him. i dont think she needs this shit right now"

"understandable"

kiri comes over bc whats happening? and he shrieks a little and hugs izuku

izuku is very lost but hes giggling bc kacchan's cool friend likes him, so maybe kacchan likes him now! bakugo is like "fuck why do i feel emotions thats wack"

so iida, having just reported what happened and now on the phone to aizawa walks over to tell aizawa everyones status. he and sees izuku and goes dead silent

"iida?? iida whats wrong?"

",,, hes,,, so s m a l l "

"wAiT WhAt"

"like,,, shrunk?????????"

"no sensei like,,, hes 5"

just a loud "F UUCK" as aizawa hangs up to run over

ok but they are all awkwardly buying the food bc they really need to get food, tiny izuku or no

and so izuku is with bakugo and allmight while the others do the worlds fastest grocery run

and izuku asks all might "mr? is your quirk being really tall? because thats super cool if it is!!" and bakugo is dying because what the fuck does all might say to that

"no my boy, im actually quirkless!"

"oh,, sorry sir"

"why are you sorry?"

"i dont know, but thats what everyone says to me when i tell them so i think its bad?"

and he just mumbles

"kacchan said i could play with him again if i got my quirk but i never did. do i get my quirk now? is that why we have cool friends??!"

and bakugo is going to cry bc all might looks so sad and he cant deal with that

so iida and kiri have bought all the crap and they are waiting out from with this tiny bubbly kid who they have to hold hands with or he Will run off to go look at stuff

aizawa shows up in the school car (,,, driven by mic because he cant fucking drive) and izuku is like OH HI

and aizawa is like ",,, hello?"

and izuku sees mic too and he thinks for a few seconds

"are,,, you two the new heroes that just started? from that really cool sports festival!!! i heard you from my preschool!!"

and bakugo is cackling be he fucking remembers that

and aizawa is red and nods and mic is like TINY CHILD WHO ARE YOU because aizawa didnt tell him what was going on

izuku is like "hi im midoriya izuku! please call me izuku!!" and mic is crying bc??? baby boy??

so they get an update ab the villain, apparently the quirk lasts for 2 weeks and allmight is caught between happy bc Tiny and sad bc My Boy??? he says how long it lasts and katsuki groans loudly

"bakugo?"

'AUntIEs iN aMEricA For 3 WeEKs"

"shit"

in the car all might has to hold him because aizawa didnt think this through and there isnt a child seat, so izuku is playing with all mights fringe because its long enough to be in his face and allmight is cry bc its his boy!!!!

they are up front because iida and katsuki need to talk to aizawa about whatever is going down with izuku. kiri is just there for moral support honestly, he is still pretty lost

izuku is asking present mic all these questions about his quirk ands all might is legitimately impressed at the control mic has because h looks like hes 30 seconds from bursting into a screech of joy at this tiny boy but his voice is just a little louder than normal

mic is singing a song in english

and izuku says "thats a rude song! my mum said so!" in perfectly understandable English and katsuki l a u gh hs

"I WAS WAITING FOR HIM TO SLIP UP HAHA"

and mic, cackling bc hes worked it out had to pull over for a sec

all might is red because hes been swearing in english the whole time oops

aizawa is like "Um????? whats happening"

katsuki, through tears : this little shit has known english his whole life but he didnt want more english homework so he just pretended he didnt through middle school and forgot to admit he could when we started UA

izuku looks lost bc what did he do?? mic is saying sorry to this tiny child for singing a rude song, iida is ab to have a stroke

mic and izuku chat about mics quirk in english happily and they pull up to ua and izuku is like wAIT WHAT. bakugo is cringing bc howwww do they explain this

present mic and aizawa, 0 clue what going on "its UA. you go to school here."

"oh, did i get into gen ed? is that why kacchan is my friend again?!!"

"youre in the hero course with me, brat"

and izuku looks upset and aizawa is lost because what kid cries when they are told they get to be a hero

"dont be mean, its rude to lie"

"why would i lie?"

when izuku says hes quirkless bakugo and all might look like someone kicked them

aizawa is like "wait,, quirkless?" and izuku looks at him confused because evryone knows izuku is quirkless

"yeah,, i have the toe thing-y."

and the kids face crumples

"does this mean i cant go into UA now??"

mic picks up the kid before he can start to cry and says "of course not! i bet youd be a great hero, quirk or not!!"

aizawa and mic are giving all might and Bakugo a Look because they look so sheepish

kiri and iida are lost because izuku Very Much has a quirk, it explodes him

all might all but pushes everyone through the gate and aizawa and mic are just staring at him because they Know hes not spilling something

anyway, eri comes to visit!! bc izuku is small!!

she calls him deku and izuku looks sad bc kacchan only calls him deku when hes mad at him and izuku just whispers "you can call me izuku please?" and eri is like "YES IZUKU HI IM ERI HELLO"

izuku is very happy

hes still like, wearing a shirt dress basically so aizawa gets momo, who has a little quiet "HES SO SMALLL" scream in the cupboard, then pops out to make him a onesie. izuku asking if it can be allmight and momo is like “OF COURSE IT CAN YOU LITTLE MUNCHKIN ID DIE FOR YOU”

izuku gets this massive fuzzy onesie and hes like !!!” yourequirkissocoolallmightiloveitsoftthaNKYOU”

momo just hugs him because hes so tiny and cute oh my lord

eri and izuku play heroes!! eri is lemillion and izuku is all might and they are defeating the great villain Kirishima

kiri wasnt warned he was the villain. he just has these kids yeeting on to him and hes so lost

all might and bakugo are trying to make a child sized dinner. they are working together bc if they pretend they are doing something important maybe aizawa wont kill them

aizawa is just,,, glaring at them. he hasnt moved from the corner of the kitchen. bakugo is getting nervous, all might is trying not to spit blood into the food

its like, 4pm? and izuku and eri are sleepy but they are Big Kids so they dont need to nap. all might and bakugo are trying to finish the food before they fall asleep bc god damn it they worked for this

aizawa is trying not to smile but they are so goddamn cute. izuku is cheering because they made katsudon

"kacchan how did you know this was my favourite!! youre so coooolllL!!!!"

bakugo, suddenly feeling crushing guilt: yeah,, im,,, awesome

aizawa is like, walking slowly towards all might and hes scrambling to think of something to spare him from his wrath

bakugo : OH YAGI WERENT YOU ALL MIGHTS SECRATARY

izuku, crying: OH MY GOD

yagi, crying also : thankyou bakugo i owe you my life

izuku is asking so many questions aizawa has to remind him to breathe

please tiny izuku is very fond of aizawa but no one has any idea why bc the dude is scary

"eraserhead sir, when can i see my mum?"

aizawa, suddenly wishing he had kurogiri's quirk: ",,,,you seee"

ok but like, just for a little pain

"it'll be like a sleep over, ok kid?"

"you really want me to stay? most kids wont let me even play for a little while, so no one sleeps over. i can stay home without my mum if you want! i dont wanna bug you,,,"

aizawa, feeling a rush of fondness for this terrible child "no its ok, stay here. youre a good kid"

baby izuku clumsily braiding aizawas hair bc his mum taught him

consider: baby izuku and shinso

baby izuku is on a need to know basis bc there is a traitor somewhere. shinso is just minding his own business and runs into a giggling curly boy

and hes like ",,, who are you???"

"im izuku!!!"

shinso just looking at him and groans

"of course its you. its always you"

he picks up izuku and takes him to aiawa. izuku is patting his hair happily

"i found the gremlin"

"hi eraserhead!!!"

"thank god

izuku makes him help with his hero notes because he doesnt know kanji yet. izuku is just telling him what to do while shinso does as hes told, trying not to smile

[gjvnho-blog]

AYO HITMAN BANG INTRODUCES daddymon gim jun ho aka johann !! sjkshskj hi my name’s e and im v v excited to be here like tysm for accepting me i feel honored ! i’m awkward w introductions so lets move on the the man of the hour ! under this cut u can find some info about johann but before anything else ,, i am open for plots ! hmu / like this post if u wanna ok thx so much ok so here we go --

he introduces himself to everyone as JOHANN & 100%% would correct u if u mispronounce his name ,, “it’s YO-HANN ! not joh-hAen” bec he’s sensitive like that

he came from a v prominent family who owns a large conglomeration in korea. so his father is p well known nationwide.

jun ho is the second / illegitimate son. that’s why the public or nobody p much knows about his existence. he doesn't mind tho bec he prefers it this way

his older brother took their father’s place as the ceo. the two gim brothers are not really civil or on the good side ever since, jun ho doesn’t know why his brother hates him so much but he guess it has to do with him being illegitimate like he shouldn’t even be alive, etc. his half bro’s words !! not mind hmmf

his father , on the other hand , loves jun ho like he never looked down on him like he even offered a high seat in their company but jun ho refuses bec 1) he dont wanna breathe the same air w his bro and 2) he doesn’t really see his self working in their company

bec he wants to be a chef

the brother laughed at his dream and the father refuse to support him on his aspiring career so that’s why jun ho distance himself from his fam bec they’re toxic 

he really likes cooking. as a child, he was close to his nanny and likes watching her cook all the time and that’s where he also got his ... passion

ANYWAY ,,, fast forward

the only reason why he found himself in this town is bec his friend took him out for dinner and then ended up moving out of their old town 

he wasn’t mad or something at her bec she also wanted to get out of his toxic abode. ://

so basically he didnt bring any clothes with him . only his phone and wallet

but that’s no big deal bc he can just buy clothes and all the stuff

also he thought that it would be nice to move in a new place ?? for a change and maybe here he can finally express his real self w/o worrying about his father and their reputation - that’s why he’s johann here and not jun ho 

also he plans to find some work around for a living bec he doesnt want to be financially dependent on his father. he wants to be independent ok but also sometimes uses his credit card on emergencies

personality wise: he’s a lil mature for his age. v thoughtful. a gentleman. zero humor. caring. generous. loyal. selfless. + he enjoys his solitude. he enjoys walks in the parks, feeding smol animals, admiring the nature and etc.he likes to read a lot and to cook ofc !

though he can sometimes be secretive. mysterious. like u can open up to him but still he won’t tell open up that much to u just bc he doesn’t like to talk about himself. but he can be trusted tho ! 

HE IS DADDY AF. that’s it, that’s the tweet

boyfriend posts on insta

and the only straight in his dna is his hair so..............

he really wants to open up his own restaurant someday ! a dream 

and idk what else ? there’s so much more about him that has yet to unfold as time goes in this rpg so i cant wait for that !! i would love to plot with yall so here’s my discord id: oh.nyxs#4347 :---------)

also before anything else, are we in the middle of something ?? like an event or somethiing so i and jun ho wont get lost sadwf 

[shaddy-bee]

I KNOW ITS BEEN LIKE 300 YEARS BUT-

5 things you’ll find in my bag

Right now theres uhh Notebooks, both school and 1 art. Drink mix ins, with such great flavors as sour apple jolly rancher and crush pineapple (tm) Two packs of cards, one of which steam punk themed and the other your regular ol bicycle. A calculator. Its a shitty old one but its for tests, i have google and shit for anything i need myself.

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom

A roommate. Idk if he is gay or what but he isnt straight, name’s will. Chill dude. Sleepin rn, what a fella MY SICK ASS COMPUTER IM MISSING OUT ON BECAUSE MY ROOMMATE IS ASLEEP AAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WANNA PLAY ROCKET LEAGUE WITHOUT LAGGING TO HELL also programming my mods. Need to upload that shit. Shit what number we on, 3? Okay cool. A bed. Wow really a bed in your bedrooM? yeah its pretty fuckin spectacular i know. I dont have posters n shit so like i gotta be creative you feel. A microfridge. Now i know what youre thinking, “ah a small fridge whats the big deal?” but no you dont understand, its a microwave fucking bolted onto the top of a fridge. They gave zero fucks attaching these two together and apparently the name is the same way, WHY NOT A FRIDGEWAVE EVEN LIKE MICROFRIDGE JUST SOUNDS LIKE A SMALL FRI- Last but not least, im tempted to just say my wallet here tbh, cuz its old but like, youd EXPECT that now would you? Something boring and mundane for me to fill out the word count with making everything super exciting so nah man, fuck it. Theres air in my bedroom. Fight me.

5 things I’ve always wanted to do in my life

Make a videogame. Like okay, a lot of stuff on this list is jokes and stuff, and I know im going into too much detail and my followers will probably murder me in cold blood for this shit, but im serious about this one like - i have some ideas, but i never have the motivation alone to like work whole-heartedly and finish one but like, at some point in the future id love to sit down and just go at it and make a game. Doesnt matter if its popular or big or small just i wanna make something that i love ya feel? I wanna like, go to newark, delaware. I know, its delaware and all, no one lives there, but ive met a bunch of cool people there and i was promised a donut run sometime, so lookin forward to that. Yknow that post awhile back that was like “i dont wanna be rich and like buy shit, i just wanna have enough money to throw at kickstarters whenever i want without having to strain on my food and rent costs” thats me. 100% Like i wanna have just enough money to be able to donate to cool people and watch them do cool shit - it wont always work out but thats fine, I just love shit. I wanna be able to donate like the high prize and fly out to meet these game studios for coffee and shit and just talk with em and see their passion and ideas. I love it. Im not actually really sure besides those. Like idk. I think itd be cool to enter a game tournament with my brother and win, but i doubt thatll happen and its not super like on my desires just itd be cool cuz we named ourselves Sora and Shiro after NGNL and to see that like, have us win would be great. Yeah. Ill make my fifth to think of a fifth one.

5 things on my to do list

FLOPPY DICKS i mean disks. Floppy disks. I do binding of isaac ab+ modding shit, and im currently working (its mostly done for what i want it to do) which adds a new consumable called floppy disks, effects are based on viruses, bugs, and just computer based shit. Like BSOD for instance, which makes the screen literately bluescreen. Or atleast look like it. Cant wait to watch people play with it. I gotta work on the programming class project too but honestly i dont waannnaaa. Like its cool as shit. Recreate a card game using c++ code. But man, i just love Apocrypha and Floppies so much more. Eat today???? Please. Dining hall opens in 3 hours. Its goddamn 4 am. I want my food. Dunno if ill get it - if ill stay awake till then. But i want it. Probably draw some stuff? Like i posted one drawing already (check it out if u wanna ;) kay?) but like theres wacom tablets here i can just kinda use whenever???? its great. I love being able to just draw stuff on em. Even if i suck at drawing, even if it took 10 hours to make the one i posted here, still love. Probably play more rocket league. Sleep first, soon as i get that food im CRASHIN BOI IM OUTTIE HA but uhh, rocket league has a halloween thing rn and i like playing it. Was playing earlier today and i matchd with a dude in 2v2 that had the same car, skin, AND colors set up as mine. Totaly random. We kicked some major ass together. I kept thinking of the same hat comic the entire time. (also my card was superior because it had furry ears on it ;))

5 things that make me happy

Getting an idea for a thing and working at said thing until like boom it went from this abstract idea to now it has a physical form and it works! And its fun and its great and i can share it with other people and they can have fun too!!!! that feeling is wonderful.  Obviously friends man. Just doing shit with people can be so great sometimes - like not all the time sure but like man. Its nice to talk to people and share experiences and just smile and tell bad jokes and have them groan but like it anyway like thats the shit. Going out at 2 am and walking to a nearby run down schoolyard and swinging on the swingsets and watching shooting stars burn up. Thats the good shit. Getting tents and setting em up in your friends back yard when your friend from far away comes up for a few days, and playing ridiculous games in a group like kick the can or fuckin zombie screaming your lungs out in the dark to freak em out, or just talkin around a fire about fuckin life man. The people make life great. Shits worth living for. I realize that last answer covered a LOT of shit but like, im just gonna add here videogames. Would be amiss if i didnt mention that, considering the rocket league rant above lmao. Yeah i better not make this category any longer.

5 things I’m (currently) into

Isaac modding, probably will be for awhile. Its good shit. As a suggestion from one of the people I work with (we also fuck around its a good time) i have started watching space dandy. Its a slow progress through lol like an episode or two a day but god man like its pretty ridiculous and the main character is pretty much everything i was expecting from seeing him everywhere. Rocket league again. It comes and goes with various different games to tide me over, give me a break from working. Bout 2 months ago or so said relaxing time was dominated by anime - i suddenly went on like a massive streak of watching shit. By that i mean, i watched all of hunter x hunter in like 2 weeks, among other shows prior to it. But yeah. Fuck man HXH I LOVED THE KING WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I have too many emotions about that. I wrote a rant to the Groupchat (tm) about the fucking battle and how everything is in slow motion but it fucking like makes it like foreshadowed and have so much of an impact and still so much fucking happens even while everything runs at super slow mo just GOD KLASFJBHUGHASFIUHIPJASK anyway. Yeah. Music, as always im listening to like constantly. Wireless headphones are a wonder for this, but uhh....i cant say im especially into any specific thing rn right? Like a bit ago i was super into joywave and then that faded out and now im just listening to whatever random shit, yknow? But I am into music in general. Its good. Art! A lot of times i dont do shit like for drawing right, like especially not in like pencil in notebooks but like, i sorta started doing a lot more art stuff? Like i had a period awhile back last year where i stopped using pencils and used only pens and i just loved the aesthetic of the ink like how it looked (funny how im doing the opposite of the fucking inktober though, huh?) but yeah im back into using pencils to draw shit occasionally. Im still terrible at drawing people (which is what i see mostly everyone drawing on tumblr lmao RIP) but its fun to sketch stuff out and just let my thoughts run and bounce to some music and shit right? Also the tablets. Especially with the tablets.

5 things people may not know about me (at least on tumblr)

I basically constantly wear sweatshirts, and they all have like earbuds where the strings go. All the earbud shits are broken pretty much, like occasionally they work (the one i have rn does) but like, i dont ever really use them? i have wireless headphones for my phone and a headset (because i need the mic for my computer) for said computer so like, idk. But yeah. I rarely take em off when im not home, and sometimes even when i am i just kinda keep em anyway? (also just now i realized i talked in the section for room shit about all the stuff in my current dorm, my room at home has all KINDS of wierd fucking shit in it. Really missed an opportunity there.) Like many people i like to stay hydrated and shit, but drinking water all the time seemed like a chore more than anything so i got like drink mix ins and shit, mio’s or whatever offbrand version you can find at your local SUPERSTORE CONGLOMERATE. I drink em like all the time pretty much so atleast im health in one way :P. Also gummy vitamins. I dont excercise but you can only ask for so much. Idk, its hard to think of things for this section because tumblr knows so little about me yknow? Like i never make my own posts or shit like its SUPER rare so im pretty much just tryna find random facts but that might not be interesting? Like i have a bad habbit of like talking way too loud when im excited about something right? Not quite yelling but like getting there and like idk. See? Thats not super interesting but it is something no one online would be able to really know ya feel? Idk. I mean physically im kinda fat as you do, but im also like wierdly strong? Like for someone who never works out i sure do have arm strength if nothing else lmao. My endurance is shit tho. Honestly? I can only blame it on osu and groceries. Osu is just a game i like where you mash buttons to the beat of weaboo shit tier music. The groceries is just because like, well, my policy is Least Trips Possible which means carrying in 13 bags at a time if need be it, fuck it milk too? And a watermellon? Bring it. 

Who am I tagging? Idk man. Just for shits and stuff tho i do wanna tag @theoriginalyami just to see what all’s changed in teh long time since i actually went to fill it out :P Dont feel like you have to add as much as me tho omg @milkchocolateowl because honestly? love you. Think about you a lot, just like glad im mutuals with that ray of sunshine. Good. @fantaledfish <3 (this is the friend i mentioned earlier, runs a QUALITY blog i guarantee it, better than mine for sure) @dragonfucker-supreme always top in my notes, a silent bond, like two guards assigned to watch back to back in the early dawn. Birds gather round. I can only tag so many people (i set myself a limit of 5 because...idk why i just mentally it felt right) so for my last trick gotta go with @ask-oncies-jizz like cmon man name changes for the win, also has quality icons and quality shitposts tbh, supreme top meme. Have fun yall.

[eldritchlulz-blog]

that went well

nick and moire have irreconcilable differences

LAST WEEK

eldritchlulz

so are ye gonna eat paper airplanes all through class tomorrow too or ye gonna tell me what the problem is

nickatnightwalker

my appetite for paper airplanes is endless munro

eldritchlulz

great

hope yer hungry for that shiny stuff they print photos on

nickatnightwalker

ugh cmon that shits so bitter it's like letting advil dissolve in your mouth

eldritchlulz

ye know the terms of the deal walker

ye'd be doing yer stomach a favor

nickatnightwalker

eh

it's not liver damage but we all have our vices

eldritchlulz

that's true

but yer liver's probably not gonna thank ye for bitter advil paper either

what if i made a really big one out of a whole newspaper

antonov an-225

nickatnightwalker

at least buy me a latte to wash it down with

ALSO LIKE A WEEK AGO

eldritchlulz

[moire makes good on her promise in class today. nick gets an expertly-aimed airplane to the cheek within the first ten minutes of class. it's folded from stiff glossy photo-printing paper, which she bartered from the amorphous art supply guardian in exchange for a memory. then he gets another airplane to the temple. and another. and another. long months of fucking around in class have made her an expert at predicting how long professor mothman will have his back turned to the board.] lattes are for when yer not being a dick, [she tells him after class, peeling off down the hallway to physics] i’ll make ye tea though if ye manage to eat em all

**

TWO DAYS AGO, post sharing dragon videos

eldritchlulz

so are we friends again or nah

**

YESTERDAY

nickatnightwalker

i cant read this over the noises my stomach is still making as it digests photopaper

eldritchlulz

ye could have had tea

nickatnightwalker

it was a pride thing

eldritchlulz

i didn't think ye had any left after the third airplane

nickatnightwalker

you would be shocked at how much i manage to retain no matter what i swallow

eldritchlulz

i guess we all have our talents

nickatnightwalker

damn straight munro

some are just more highly sought after than others

eldritchlulz

who knew airplane eating is so decidedly respected

nickatnightwalker

anyone in the aviation industry duh

eldritchlulz

well don't forget who helped launch yer career when yer famous and shit

nickatnightwalker

yeah ill try not to forget the little people

eldritchlulz

yer like a foot shorter than me

nickatnightwalker

oh well obviously im talking about personality

eldritchlulz

then yer like two feet shorter

nickatnightwalker

hair doesnt count

neither does punching

eldritchlulz

luckily those aren't personality traits

nickatnightwalker

exactly

which is why youre the little people and im not

eldritchlulz

lmao all ye have in yer corner is being tiny and rude

nickatnightwalker

youd be surprised how far those two things can get you in life

eldritchlulz

good for ye

nickatnightwalker

thanks it's been an uphill battle but 18 years in im starting to get the hang of using that stuff in my favor

eldritchlulz

great

**

TODAY

nickatnightwalker

since youre technically millys aunt im donating a full sentence of real talk which is that i dont really fuck with public drinkers

eldritchlulz

why not enough personality for ye

ye get high all the time

nickatnightwalker

yeah, and all that happens is i chill out

eldritchlulz

is this because of the movie night?

did we do something to ye?

nickatnightwalker

no it's just not my thing ok

i dont babysit lightweights and hanging around them always turns into that anyway

eldritchlulz

lmao i mean ye didn't and no one asked ye to

nickatnightwalker

no offense but have you ever hung out with drinkers because no matter the fuck what eventually

eventually

nickatnightwalker

it's the one sober person's job to console whoever just started crying and stop the fights and driving and unprotected sex and i have plenty on my plate right now without heading down that road so i really, really prefer not hanging with people who get drunk on wine during disney movie night like you do you and shit but it's not my scene

eldritchlulz

i know yer from like

the city and shit

but here i’ve only ever drank with misha and some of the girls in proteus and it’s never been like that

i don’t know in what world ye think ye have to take care of us

eldritchlulz

i don’t want that lmao and i definitely don’t need it

nickatnightwalker

good to know but there's still that second hand embarrassment factor and the smell of rancid grapes to figure in

like i just dont like hanging with people drinking it's not that deep

eldritchlulz

good thing ye’ve never done anything embarrassing like proposition yer supposed cousin over the pa system

that’d be real fuckin awkward

whatever walker

if yer gonna ditch cus one night out of the months ye’ve been here we did something that ye didnae like that didnae even affect ye

then seriously

whatever

nickatnightwalker

lmao at least i did it fully aware of what i was doing

nickatnightwalker

like damn munro cant a guy choose his company based on personal preferences

eldritchlulz

lmao weak

i do enough embarrassing stuff sober too kill me for having a good night where i didn’t worry about shit

and ye sure can

my personal preference is hanging out with people who don’t flake without even a heads up

evens out

nickatnightwalker

it's not flaking if we never had plans like ho ly shit why is this such a big deal you wanna get shitfaced and turn your head into a fish that's your prerogative and it's mine not to stick around while it's happening i dont particularly care why you did it im sure being drunk was a blissful reprieve from your tortured thoughts or whatever and i respect that i just dont want to be there

eldritchlulz

gods ye are literally the one who made this into a big deal nick i just said whatever like three times ye dinnae have to justify yer weird hypocritical bullshit to me

no one said ye had to watch when there were a thousand other things to do and pay attention to that night but yeah ignoring a friend for weeks and not letting them know what’s up is a shitty thing to do and i was trying to like check in but it turns out the mistake was thinking that we were friends in the first place so like i said

whatever

nickatnightwalker

i was doing plenty of other things that night and i really dont get why you cant run it through your hair that i dont fuckin like hanging around drunks and forgive me for not realizing we were at the bffs for life stage and thinking it wouldnt be a big deal to drop off your proverbial sea charts

eldritchlulz

oh nice so i'm a drunk cus i had some wine that’s incredibly reasonable of ye top of the fucking class

i wasn’t saying we were bffs lmao yer supposed to be the human don’t ye have a basic concept of how human relationships work ye don’t have to be bffs to not be a total asshole

nickatnightwalker

you were drunk i dont know what gentle terminology you want me to use here  like was i supposed to hand you an official notice like dear mr and mrs munro this is a letter of resignation on the basis that i dont fucking roll with public wastedness

nickatnightwalker

god i thought you were buried deeper in your hypermasculinity than getting ratty because i decided i didnt wanna hang with you your boy and a bottle of something that could strip paint off a car

eldritchlulz

the utter fuckin logical leaps yer going through to make hanging out with us about drinking constantly is amazing ye gonna mentally photoshop bottles of liquor into all the times we hung out where we weren’t drinking too

and ye can fuck off with the hypermasculinity bullshit it’s bad if i am and bad if i’m not to ye sorry i don’t fit the perfect image of rambo lmao almost like the way ye stereotype everyone isn’t the way they really are

i don’t get how i’m the fucking unreasonable one here for thinking that i’d fucked something up and wanting to fix it and instead getting a thousand word essay where ye reiterate the point that got old the second time ye said it

luckily ye can consider yerself off the hook

nickatnightwalker

if ive said it so many times then why isnt it going through

nickatnightwalker

and like damn do you think youre like picking away at my layers of carefully crafted denial to get to the real reason i dont wanna hang with you guys anymore or something like i told you it's not that deep and just because i expected you to be oozing masculinity like a frat boy's sti doesnt mean it's a good thing that usually you are

eldritchlulz

trust me i'm not under any delusion that yer deep lmao

it came through loud and clear the first time

so like i said four fucking times

whatever

yer off the hook

see ye in class

nickatnightwalker

yep, this shallow bitch'll catch you later than you overhyped blowfish

eldritchlulz

also weak

nickatnightwalker

yes, i know, your muscles schwarzenegger youll be back etc etc etc

[servals-dank-meme-machine]

just go ahead and answer all the questions in that ask game, chief

This took more time to complete than I thought. 

1. To a small degree yes but mostly no. I noticed for me it’s like most people, looks draw you in. But for me it’s not what will keep me around. You can be attractive and be a shithead and that’s enough to push me away, and vice versa.

2. Yes. 

3. No. 

4. Yeap. 

5. Well duh, I love my gf every day of the year. 

6 Not really? I have 2 hands but I just choose not to really look around even tho I have the option to.

7. Yep. Be it monogomous or open I tend to be pretty committed regardless the relationship.  

8. Short hair/bob cut, older than me, and tend to take on challenges bigger than themselves. And see stuff in me that I’m honestly too dumb too. 

9. See above. 

10. I believe in fate and possibility would be the better wording. 

11. I don’t see marriage in my future but I’m not against it happening either. 

12. Only after an exorbitant amount of effort to make up for it is made. 

13. A bad habit, but yes I do.

14. At the moment, not really.

15. Nah

16. Not yet.I want a Depeche Mode one badly though. 

17. YEP

20. Hell yeah I do, 2-3 times a day too. Showers are great for me to just sit and relax.

21. Other than my gf, I don’t think so. I’m not exactly super social. 

22. Maybe? Pretty sure my doggo is because her food bowl is half full. 

23. Honestly it’s pretty easy not to cheat. 

24. Nah, I don’t think I will. 

25. I mean I am in one now lmao. So yes.

26. Yeah

27. Nah, ain’t got any of those.

28. No, but I’ve been lied to before. 

29. Nope. 

30. Kinda, I just wanna flatten what little pudge I have but honestly that shit is too expensive.

31. ...yeah.

32. First crushes are always like that dude.

33. Not interested in that so, no.

34. Yes. 

35. Yep.

36. Way back in school I did. See answer to 32.

37. So far, that only applies to waifus.

38. I never expected to be dating my gf, I’ll say that much.

39. “Wanted someone you could never have” well you can’t own people, so you never really “have” someone. But yeah, but my last interaction with that person showed I was better off without them.

40. I’m far too lazy to do that, I just flat out tell people how I feel lmao.

41. Yeah.

42. I don’t keep track of such things tbh. Not every makeout session has to end in me groping tiddy or booty lol.

43. I’m going on nearly 4 years with  my current relationship.

44. Just 2. 1 ex and 1 person I am with now.

45. Zero.

46. I honestly don’t keep track of that but I’m pretty sure its like 6 or 7. 

47. 28. I am old by tumblr standards. 

48. That’s totes fine, but you should go ask that other person out then if you haven’t already. Life is short. 

49. They’re adorbs, and always make sure me and others close to them are taken care of. She’s very good at leading others when she has to. 

50. I wouldn’t want to date them, I moved on years ago, but I’d be fine being friends with them again. 

51. My girlfriend obviously. 

52. I gave up on my parents because they’re racist boomer asshats.

53. So far no. There was 1 but they kinda dropped off the map.

54. The Alamo?

55. Me and my gf met cosplaying each others waifu/husbando.

56. 1. I got a scar on my butt 2. I have another scar on my hand from stitches. 3. I’ve had ear infections rupture both ear drums twice. 4. I fractured a leg on accident when I was in military school doing wrestling jump moves like a dumbass. 5. Well honestly I’m kinda out of anything that’d be of interest tbh. 6,7, and 8 I got nothing hue.

57. I upgraded. 

58. I uh, can be bribed with robot models and snacks, so I guess that’s 2, 3rd is taking my dumb ass to the surplus, but honestly I require nobody to buy me crap or make me food, just being there for me really and being straightforward with how you feel is how to do it. I’m kinda dull and don’t take hints.

59. I could but this dumb site changed how I could pop one in here. Besides I don’t really show my face on this site but I could pop one in airshit gear later. 

60. Gf is like 6 years older than me. 

61. I’m kinda quick to notice if someone is cute or not, but usually its “oh they got a Gundam shirt on” for example. 

62. Dress up as my waifu and/or butt exposing undies and heels. I’m kinda basic af.

63. Putting things into places is as much of a euphemism as I can make it. 

64. If its a monogamous one, then usual rules of doing shit behind their back and lying about it. In a poly one, just not communicating what you’re doing and going behind their back and doing it anyways. 

65. Make out,succ tiddie, get the succ/ eat at the y (in no order) and lot of kissing parts.

66. I haven’t really done that tbh. I suppose it would be waifu related if I did.

67. Spending time together really is all it takes. Doesn’t have to have sex or go out and do stuff at all. 

68. Straight/Hetero (I know tumblr hates that but too bad)

69. What turns you off?

70. What turns you on?

71. It involves cute older ladies in slingshot swimsuits.That’s all you’re getting. 

72. I like some dirty talk but it’s an optional thing.

73. Right now, bringing me some food, especially taco bell or pizza (to share of course) lmao 

74. Be cute, breathing, and have boobies. 

75. Gf saved my ass by taking me to get my doggo out of the pound after roomates at the time let her out and called animal control on her. And the time she moved me from Plano to Austin. 

76. And it goes for anyone, the sweetest thing you can do is listen and be there for your partner and help with anything you can. I try to do that as much as I can. I’m sure I can do more though. 

77. I don’t see it as a big deal.

78. Don’t do your personal business after getting food poisoning. That’s all I’m saying. 

79. I have a bat habit of being jealous of people who travel. Unfortunately I do get travel envy of my gf sometimes and I’m working on that. I haven’t been really able to travel at all unless it’s to Dallas and even then I had financial help from friends. I just simply can’t afford to go places, even if it’ s within the country, and I kinda get irked that I feel I’m a boring person because I’ve never been able to travel outside the country and people are more interested in international travel and don’t care much for hearing about travel inside the country. 

80. 4pm my time, which as I write this was about a minute or 2 ago. (I message my gf I love them every day.)

81. Gf, Haman Karn from Gundam, Carmilla from Fate Grand Order, Saber from Fate, and Ereshkigal from Fate Grand Order.

82. My gf

83. My ex. Blegh.

84. Relationship with my ex failed because she didnt’ want to put any effort in the relationship, and didn’t want to move forward with anything, and while there was nothing wrong with being Ace, she waited 3 and a half years before telling me while leading me on like I’d get booty. And would lie about being busy so they could go do things instead of spend time with me. 

85. I am open to it as long as I am able to meet IRL. Online only relationships are always destined to fail. 

[xwwaqdyd-blog]

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[selfpityandporn]

Rant- Okay, #1, fuck you. You started a fight and now like everything you’ve been a cunt about is fucking coming back and pissing me off. But lets just keep to I dunno, this week.

I literally had to fight both of you, "adults" just to take OUR cat to the vet, cause your fucking cheap and in goddamn denial, thats right GODDAMN, I can say that, because fuck you I can. I don't care if it uses gods name in vain, since when did you give a shit about god any way, considering the absolute shit storm you've given me for the last 4 years about going to church you didn't know anything about.

I fight just to get this cat to vet, long story short she's deathly sick. And I'm not complaining about taking care of her, I'm happy too, I will wipe her ass everyday long as she gets to be here, cause I love her and she's family. But the fact that I literally have to fight you just to get her fucking .70 food is GODDAMN ridiculous, god forbid her flea or ear mite medicine to keep her from scratching the blood out of herself. But I'm dollering you to death, and I'm a selfish peice of shit, excuse the fucking shit outta me.

Also, thanks for literally not helping me with her at FUCKING ALL. Like I said, I'm just happy she's alive, but honestly you wanna talk about how much you love her, and care about her, but you wont help me get the right food, and can't even take care of her. Our kitty was so sick she couldn't even move, so she had to be carried. I didn't want to take her to my room, because theres fucking shit and insulation everywhere from our shower breaking and dad still not cleaning up or fixing it, and I can't clean it up without getting bitched out. But god forbid we put her in your room, really? It's clean, your rooms not as hot, and you have a place to put her, but your terrified she's gonna pee or something, really? Your lucky she's fucking alive, I got pissed on taking her to the vet. Why, BECAUSE SHES SICK AND CANT HELP IT. I didn't get mad, I cleaned it up LIKE A FUCKING ADULT. You won't help me carry her when I'm trying to get her food, you don't want her in the living room. I could go on and on, you get the idea, I'm happy my cats alive, but fuck you for not helping me help her. SHE NEEDS US, your dropping the goddamn ball.

Lets get to today, the snapper of this, cause honestly this HAS SO MUCH SHIT, from you calling me a whore, accusing me of shit, not teaching me how to drive, cussing me out, not coming to my school stuff, thats might be a fucking tenth of all the shit that has been frustrating me. BECAUSE YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE AN ADULT, AND A PARENT, YOUR SUPPOSED TO HELP ME BUT INSTEAD YOU HAVE YOUR HEAD STUCK UP YOUR ASS.

We had our little family trip today, it was going so well. Till we were almost home, everyones in the car. Like usual you and dad are smoking like fucking trains and I can't fucking breathe, god forbid I roll down my window to satisfy MY HUMAN FUCKING NEED FOR OXYGEN. That wasn't the biggest issue, no the biggest issue is when you decided to fun your fucking mouth cussing me. Make such a huge fucking deal out of literally nothing. And when I say big deal, I mean on and on and on for 30 goddamn minutes. And any time it got quiet, YOU KEPT FUCKING YAPPING. I literally put my ear buds in, and ignored you. I didn't keep arguing, till you were LITERALLY SCREAMING SO LOUD I COULD HEAR YOU OVER MY ROARING TRAP MUSIC. Then I retaliate, you tell me to just shut the fuck up, the conversations over. FUCK YOU, I STOPPED TALKING 30 GODDAMN MINUTES AGO, YOUR THE DUMB FUCK THAT KEEPS GODDAMN TALKING.

And then, you pissed me off. Lets jump to last week. I got my first credit card, why? Because my laptop broke, I needed another for my online classes, we as a family were too broke to buy it. I understand that, I took it into my own hands. Then, you tried to start a fight, cause I didn't wanna go an extra 200+ into debt getting my little brother, WHO IS LITERALLY 8 a fucking laptop. You started a fight, because I refused to buy and 8 year old, a laptop, on my credit. Which oh by the way I know you would have never payed me back for, because your you and I've learned this lesson literally a dozen times, but your my mom so I keep letting you borrow my christmas money (I might get like, $60 each year, which is all I get from my family members, she "borrows" Then, will get her taxes, blow them and not pay me back, and guilt trip me about literally buying me stuff for my birthday at tax time, anyways) You tried to start a fight over that, then literally tried to put words in my mouth, saying I said I'd get him one. No, I didn't. I said I wish I could, I want him to learn how to type, but my line of credit is only $500, my laptop it's self was $250, the rest I was trying to save for emergencies, cause I knew we were fucking broke.

Now, I'm not on a rabbit trail, this ties in I promise. The day I got my laptop, we had went in Walmart to look, you said you were gonna get a handful of groceries while I looked, alright. I didn't get a laptop there, we go to leave. You ask me to pay for the groceries. I told you I didn't want to on credit, but how much is it? "Oh only like $20, I only got a few." Checked out, it was like $40. I got it anyways, and just asked that when you had the money, (She's literally getting a 1000+ check for her 401k in like, a week) if you could give me some for the upcoming comic con. (Comic con is a big deal for me, I cosplay, I go with my best friend and her family, I literally look forward to it all year. Most of the time I go, I'm usually broke, except for the last few cause I had a job until about a month before all this, whole other rant, anyways) So I was like cool, it sucks I'm another 40$ in the hole, but she knows how much con means to me, she'll give me it back. Then, I get my laptop. Back to the 8yr old brother thing, he literally has broken like 5+ tablets, my tv, and 3 phones alright. He gets mad, will throw them, scream curse words at them. It's ridiculous, literally didn't want to throw away $200+ I DIDNT HAVE on a brat who was gonna destroy it, along with my parents not knowing how to use it, neither does he so they expect me to fix LITERALLY everything, which is so annoying, cause then, he breaks it, its somehow on me. Anyways.

I was nice enough to lay away the laptop for you, another $30 I didn't have, but it got you off my fucking back. You also said you'd give me that back for con. I just wanna put in here, that when I got my job and actually had hours, I took my family out to dinner every paycheck, bought them stuff. Genuinely tried to not be selfish, Literally I think the only big thing I bought myself was my cosplay that I had wanted for like, years. But then my hours got cut, I was working literally 5 hours a week. I might have made $30-$40 for the majority of my employment, an with that I iterally saved up to take my friend out for her birthday and buy myself bedsheets, and still tried to take us out to eat, cause we got to do it as a family. But during this she was literally acting like, I had to pay for anything and everything. I needed to go to town for school, "You got gas money?" I asked for a few dollers so I could eat at work/before works, "Can't you buy it yourself?" Like, I would have HAPPILY if I had it, but I didn't, and your literally my mom, can you not drive me to school? Help me buy lunch, like WTfff?

And, today. Oh today, after you cussed and cussed and fucking cussed, I put my earbuds in and leave it alone, I DIDN"T SAY ANYTHING BACK, even though I know your still talking trash. I pause my musics just so I can hear you.

"Just wait till the next time you need something from me! Just fucking wait, and you can forget about your goddamn comic con money, go get a fucking job!."....................................................

I'm sorry, excuse me? Did I just fucking hear that correctly? See, I'm not a bad person, I don't believe so. But I fucking mentally snapped. I literally spent hours the other week helping her find another job, putting in her application. I can't get a job, because in the past fucking year and half she hasn't taken, and no exageration, more than 20 minutes to try to teach me how to drive, and not not only are you refusing to give me to the money you deadass owe me. But I. I need to get. A . God. Damn. Job.???????

At first, I handled it like a child, a child who loves their mother. "I don't care, I'll have fun without a fucking dime to my name." Then, my ass adulted, silently, excuse me. Excuse me, I don't think I heard that correctly, you not only are tryna sit there and cuss me, TELL ME TO GET A JOB, and, oh and, try to refuse the money you took from me?

I really, ya know, I really don't think thats gonna work. Cause see here, asshat, I have all your credit card info, all your social shit cause you don't know how to do a fucking job application, and, oh and, a cold GODDAMN shoulder. So heres how this is gonna work darlin, the day of con will come, and you will either give me my money (I didn't even ask for the full $70 btw, I said maybe like $40.) But you will either now give me all $70, or I will slip your card from your wallet, while your in your smokin drunken stooper, and frankly, cruelly, hold it fucking hostage till you #1Give me my fucking money, and #2 Fucking apologize, and admit you tried to do me so goddamn shitty. And if I don't think that apology is good enough, I'll take my money on my own and you will have disappointed me. I gave so many chances for redemption, and I still am.

But honestly this is prolly my fucking snapping point cause you have insulted me and frustrated me enough. I am 18, I am trying to adult, with no help from you, if anything more fight. Between finishing my senior year by my fucking self, to the stupid job shit, to omg, all the college shit she was supposed to help me with that I had to do on my own, to our poor cat which I'm trying to nurse off the fucking death bed single handedly, to literally not being able to get a job because of you, to you now more than likely ruining my credit, cussing me out, and just being an absolute pain in my goddamn ass along with every fucking thing else I am having to do on my own.

So, excuse me, fuck you. Get the fuck out of my way. You will NOT stand between me and the things I have earned and strive to get. In fact, no one will. You wanna be fucking petty, and fucking rude? Don't get made at me for winning a game you goddamn started :) K, thanks.

[haeroniel-doliet]

dwhos here for another raaaaaant (vent)? topic is friendships but lets see where thisll go! waheyy let us insert the read more. 

kayokay okay welcome youre gonna regret this; if you havent read through my shitty vents before prepare for ilegibility and thought trains going all over the place and references to things and people youll never know okay great you got off this train? cool gives me more power to crash it see ya. 

okay where do we even begin, oh lets go wild and push out a couple topics first. one is; how shit has improved being uni and how everything seems awful brighter now; why it hasnt actually improved and im lonely as ever; how lonely have i always been; but am i really lonely or just think i should have more bc expectations; why im like this and cannot form relationships

lets start with a bit of a history dive eh eh this is what youre here for, me oversharing my life to nobody thatll read it but come on anyway bc one of the reasons i even fucking do these is because; ironically enough; i have no friends to vent this to!! nobody who actually gives a shit!! and even if they did i have a lot more words and confused thoughts to write out here that would just be really mean to inflict on someone else. 

ok so, classically as a kid ive almost grown as an only child, obviously have a big bro of 7 yrs older that i never formed more of a bond to than the one we share by sharing a family. aka we barely talk. but like i know he doesnt hate me i guess? ok im not gonna go there. its a weird mess. but. all childhood was mostly me playin by myself bc our family friends had kids his age not mine, and we moved around a bunch too and people came in and out, i guess i made ‘best friends’ pretty easily, but none stuck around longer than a year maybe 2-3. bc thats how life was and as a child i guess it wasnt a bother bc hey, let me be friends with everyone! oh but protective parents also mean mostly on my own. thats cool. im totally mature to be sitting at the adults table (there was no kids table) well early at 6-7. mhmmm 

lemme return to finland and start being an early awkward preteen! oh ill be friends with everyone! oh. everyone already has their best friend or best friend group? oh i get left on the playground alone ‘playing the dog at home while they go shopping okay playground games were lame but whaddyou do’ aight cool im okay with this theyre all my friends and im gona draw you all to make friends and nobody like actually bullies me or thinks im weird i guess, anyway school work. oh okay ill make best friends w my neighbour bc were only 7 days apart in age and thats crazy!! i guess we also make friends with lil girls next door bc were 10- 12 and thats what u do. sure. i feel rather criticised by my so called bff bc. we are not on the same wavelength, i feel dumb, im never as funny even if they are hilarious to me, i do gross things w out thinking (imagine having to be told by your friend that you need to buy deodorant when you never thought abt it) and like a bunch of other stuff like not picking up on social cues they dont wanna hang out with me or they dont think looking at funny pictures on the phone is fun... oh okay i mean i guess theyre way better than me but were still friends right? uh yeah. 

okay lets take a gap and go to uk, oh wow, SHIT people actually miss me at home?? im making friends with all these kids in my neighbourhood! oh i can be like the movies where they go down the street and hang out and have movienights awesome! who this is the best! fucking halloween w other 13 yr olds?? having hobbies w them? walking to the bus together and home together?? mad. wild. friends. lets ignore the school consisting of pricks and the only time in my school career ive gotten bullied. like classic bullying. pens thrown at me, butt touched, skirt lifted, name called, teasing my ‘naivety’ (do you work at the dildo factory? haahah. are you frigid? would you have sex with me if i bought you a burger?) oh 13-14 yr olds....  ok no its a wild really good and really shit year combined into an okay year. let me just return home and promise to keep in touch and really very barely keep in touch with any of them. thanks instagram for enabling minimal contact and keeping up w each other. 

(also back then made my first post cryin to tumblr oh why cant i have tumblr besties like everyone else seems to, please someone be my internet buddy! lucky enough actually talked to Amelia a lot, though...... 14 yr old and abt 20 smth. but we played minecraft together and made two shit youtube videos of our competition participation like. you were a good friend to me. never pushed it too far and i really liked having a mature friend. such a shame you seem to have disappeared off the internet (anywehre i know how to reach you) bc hell, i would not have been opposed to meeting you finally irl at fuckin mcm like i always kinda wanted to bc i saw ppl online do, anyway i hope ur life is good and thanks) 

kay so, finally back home weve all moved past the best friend cliques okay okay my class is actually fuckin rad like whaddu you know i dont have to aggressively swear and avoid hugs anymore (self defence from that shitty year) but actually have all these wholesome friends, ofc there were stronger relationships between some people but! i was included. i felt good. it was good. i figured out this being everyones friend thing. im a proper teen now eh. oh but i still had my best friend (briefly moirail) maxx! talking everyday at least for least half an hour if not more, skype calls... watching movies together... sending shit to canada and that one mail i got from you and planning so hard a visit there, even if it felt unrealistic. maybe even spending too much time on you and not making as many connections to my class friends as i could have, u know. stuck on my phone to always be available to you. making you more important. dunno how often id talk thru a crisis in class or however late at night bc, i wanted to be there for you! i loved being needed and being an important piece in moving thru tough times. sure detrimental maybe irl but i was being too much online anyway which i still do but were not there yet. besides, that relationship has had a bit of a roller coaster in the past nearly4 yrs (is it more?) shit that started from an rp and then slowly talking more to being moirails to being the tightest best friends “momma” and all, to your irl friends breaking it up slowly, then a boyfriend really took oyur time and we didnt talk daily lt alone ever get to call bc... shit. okay but i was friends with your boyfriend and though i saw it wouldnt last i was okay with it, like right cool thats teh boyfriend and im the bestfriend. im still involved. yeah man. oh you broke up and now talk more to me! fuck yeah. ill take your side in this regardless. lets get close again even if its not quite the same. i try join your cosplay groups though i cant help feeling me joining killed them, and i followed some you were passionate on! drew all those rad characters of you and your friends to feel adequate and appreciated. then you ad your drama, hated this kid and i wasnt even rly involved. all of a sudden, tight friends, oh i get to be in a chat w you both and a rad other person i had a mild crush on! rad. hell yeah. ive never been in a groupchat like this! this is great i love it. and the vikings came up. and your new friend left bc i was a cis girl and he has problems and could not deal with me not agreeing with his shit argument. (about my countrys history!!)  anyway. they make their groupchat, groupchats die. oh. great i ruined it. okay. i no longer know whats in your life.... oh youre best friends now? i kind of have to bug you to even get added to your ‘friends page’ as dumb as it is. i get knocked right aside as hes the bff and the greatest sweetest person ever even though he still seems like a major dick and even your cool older friend agrees with me..... a load of bullshit and weve drawn apart to barely talking once a week and ive still sent you many gifts bc i think its great! until.  yeah i wasnt gonna send anymore till you promised to set me up with cosplay pieces for christmas and i freak out to send you smth in return (never got more than measurements from me, and due to shit timing i didnt even get to be there for you opening the presents which fuckin ruined it) but whats this? a year on im fucking coming to america and conviced my parents to also go to canada???? fucking insane. still we dont talk much, the plans werent like i expected but i met you and the cool older friend! amazing! it happened! youre real! i brought you more gifts and i got pictures with you and its, it doesnt feel real still. i keep the fucking bus ticket i took from toronto to guelph to remind me. sure i didnt like get much from you back and thats kay different monetary situations and all and yeah. wild. oh but we still barely talk after? no its ok i get it youre not that good with texting people anymore (even if you kept texting you bff while i was there.... like. maybe he was having a crisis i can understand but... please you barely talk to me anymore and now amazingly im there and. you still talk to him a lot. okay...)  ‘ew were not dating were just best friends!” a month later becomes ‘this is my boyfriend and bff i love him more than anything else in the world” ‘oh but hes absolutely a huge mean prick who is super self centered and manipulative,’ and i guess you needed to feel needed like i did and dedicated everything to this shitstorm of a human but. okay... weve drifted apart further, till i demanded thru to your discord (not even active anywhere else) and try damn hard to still talk to you. but its just not genuine. i wanna talk abt important shit to me and worries about myself, but life is difficult on you and i dont feel like you do the same to me so i cant. is it no longer part of our relationship? i guess) 

anyway chapter; who the fuck cares; why i feel i can open up to internet friends more than irl ones;;coming up, the other irl exploits after 9th grade. 

internet friends are based on talking over text and emotions that come up in the moment and contacting them whenever. with irl people, ive always set a sort of boundary that like. our quota of talking is irl. i might message you online but its strictly related to irl things or smth we discussed irl, u feel? even then i mostly never message anyone (thank the two friends in uni ive talked to more than anyone else) but still. theyre people i will unload burdens to IRL when im sitting with them for hours talking about our fucked up relationships with things and life and thats beautiful. but its not consistent through life? like rn all this shit. i cant just go and vent tto you (i guess i could but who knows if youre mad busy and needa be up early tomorrow or are already sleeping or have other shit on your mind, let alone would be offednede by me being so explicit abt me feelings w friendship u being my friend.) anyway, internet friends have broken that and sometimes i talk abt dumb shit ive seen that remind me of them or i wanna get a reaction from someone about and sometimes this bullshit. but more recently, (my discord has fuckin 3 ppl) i cant. i mean. idk if ever could and now theyre just being better w themselves but i cant? Ana tries being a friend and a good online friend but. i cant take it any deeper than like, look how cool this is! yeah that is cool bc theyre exhausted and dont wanna deal w others bullshit and dont want me to deal with theirs bc theyre online to avoid it. all of which i understand but. its kind of hard to deal with. like. youre currently only passionate about your gays in southpark. two things i dont care bout jack shit (actually hate south park idec) and then your response to me just like contemplating quizzes or the way i felt in the mirror at ballet or like smth that comes up to me when im talking abt normal shit, i get an ok, i dk how to respond or, i dont really care. and wildly i love the honesty, and glad to have lines drawn for me when i dont see them, but it always feels like a smack in the face regardless. having stepped out of line and not having realised and stopped before they had to tell me to stop. like it was w that old neighbour bff. i could never tell when she wanted me to leave her alone or smth bc i was having fun! but shed be tired of it and it just. always hurt realising i was too wrapped up in emotion and myself to realise i was annoying or overstepping boundaries and im still terribly self concious about it bc i feel terrible being a bad person like that! i wanna be the perfect friend.ugh. 

the other people on my discord are maxx and the cool older canadian dan, who still is rly cool and admirable. and i feel bad. bc when i first got the dumb thing i talked to him like adults! yea! talked abt maxx and a bit of college and a bit of life and like. it was good! he said good night friend <3 which is like!!! the most wild and exciting thing it fuckin exhilirates me to be called friend in converstion like please fuck validate me being your friend!!!! (god isnt that sad and basically gonna sum up this whole thing) anyway recently im sure things have been sad or busy or hes just that kinda person but my last 4? attempts for convo have gotten no response, even when hes online (supposedly when its ok to message him) and i no longer want to say anything unless its smth im sure id get a response to. bc then im just buggering and annoying the poor guy and become annoying. (even if hes said he doesnt mind and thinks im a great person. i hope) and maxx u know. i can message, and i do, and now more than in a rly long time i- oh my god i get responses!! still they cut short. theres no, hey sorry i dont care or, hey i gotta go, or hey i dont wanna talk abt this, just. no more responses. and i guess my conversational skills are rusty and i havent written anything thatd get an easy response from them! (but stilll, should talking to friends rly require you to formulate conversation starters and talk in a way that doesnt provoke too much but is just easy enough for them to respond briefly and with no investment to make talking to me easy as possible? idk even iguess? maybe im shit at having friends and thats why i have none. shush.)

okay lets head back to irl. high school was shitty weird thing, around 10 ppl in class and i only made friends w 3? got bullied for a good couple days on a trip by 1 and another class person. terrible trying to make friends and keep friendly with everyone in a tiny school but i managed and alls good, and even still, just made friends with the most compatible people, not sure if id have been friends with otherwise. one a nervous wreck of a boy that the teacher tried to like ‘ship us together with’ but while he had a girlfriend and we managed to keep conversation joking and chill (as it should be and i made good sure of it) it was fine, he still like i a very girlfriend oriented person and i guess doesnt chat much online w other girls? im cool with it, a couple snap updates on life here an there its whatever. youre an anxious person anyway and we dont always like. work as friends. another was from japan, who id decieded to make a friend if only to have a friend in japan to visit and to teach me a bit (and teach us to make food! okay im so glad we were friends) and at school it was great enough. helped her get confident in speaking english and correcting work and sitting together at lunch and hanging out outside of school on the rare occasion schedules lined up was fab! i actually am gonna miss her. even if we werent close. and i feel bad bc idk if she wants to keep in contact, and i really suppose i should just aim to write her like a text once a month or so to keep in touch thatd be good, cover that. keep up english and so on. maybe (ps old friends from childhood pop up every now and then on social media and have the rare chat which is quite nice actually! even if im not active or keep them updated, some realtionships i like to leave lukewarm and not hateful but smth thats easy to catch up with if opportunity comes up. i actually can do that quite a lot, make good conversation and feel friendly and make acquaintances. i just. have no idea how to push them to proper active friendships (it just happens sometimes by accident) and no absolute clue how to make htat into a very close “bff we share everything i can message you whenever” kinda relationship classic media like facebook portrays idk. do i need it? i guess not but i kinda wanna know what thats like bc relationships are not a thing for me. lets make that its own paragraph) oh but also on old school friends my frustration of a few days, just. a friend that is the easiest to keep in touch with bc they intitiate and have time and want to do things, but god its annoying and i dont like them. our humours dont align and i feel judged and criticised and like. idk. dont feel great w them. theres moments of like genuine “im glad i met you bc i would have switched schools otherwise” from her and a jar of reminders why were friends and some good memories, but its just. she drains me. and i dont wanna talk deep w her. and though to some other friend it seems like we are heckin dating in secret bc of how comfortable we are and how much we end up communicating to organise things, uhm were not. i wouldnt date her ever im sorry. struggling to stay friends and have it fade to the background amicably before i do or say smth wrong and fuck it up. anyway its just bugging me and i hate it bc i feel bad for her and bad for myself and its just a mess that i dont wanna deal with that mucheven if i talked my parents ear off about it.

ok intermission to parents. in a way no. no fuck they are not my friends. my mom will never be my best friend and i dont think they want that either,being classic parents and allbut i guess, sometimes when i get past the ugh youll never understand youre so god damn annoying!! teenage phase my brain still has, i do talk to them about a lot of things that upset me, bc unlike friends, they cant decide not to care about me or stop talking to me u know. i have vented about shit practices that have really tested my self worth and lack of emotions (remind sobbing like a bitch with a mud covered ass walking home from a terrible skating practice and falling in the rain) and mom comforting thru it. mind telling them all the pent up feelings abt flatmates and analysing them to her like”well shes rly nice and we talk abt this and this but i cant help but feel she doesnt really wanna talk to me and also they didnt wanna hang out and they keep leaving their dishes and told me to clean mine but they did this and that and....” i never talk about internet friends or a lot abt other things bc. not relevant and i dont think id hear what i wanna hear. but im kinda glad i still can do that and vent to them abt like real life things and things that upset me even if its not exhaustive and i cant do everything and they dont fill the gap of this “true best friend” i have emulated. but thats a point of why im not rly lonely. bc i have outlets to a lot of these needs that im not missing it all . just dont have it all in one person or even a small group of ppl.

wht next. oh remind me to come back to group things online. anyway lets give uni a try. so weve talked abt my two impressive friends irl who take the same course as me and kind of have dragged me thru and have gone to hobbies w me and hung out w me for hours and actually come to visist me in london an been cool? yeah theyre pretty rad people and very smart and im glad theyre in my life. even if w al the ranting im not comfortable messaging them all hours of the night to talk abt all my insecuritites and thoughts and problems u know. and one is dating and both have flatmate drama and other groups of friends and tho theyre friends between each other we dont like. make the ultimate trio which is why were not moving in together ( also reminder to being called the 3 musketeers w my high school two gals bc we were seein kinda doing everything together (in school) by me sticking us all together with my “i need to feel validated with friends” glue. that was quite nice.) 

but like in uni, ive said it to a lot of people. its amazing. ive never been happier knowing this many people. i dont make drama, i almost never get included in any drama so all i get are friends!!! and having flatmates, and flatmates friends, and class mates, and people ive just met , and hobby friends i just knew so many people thatd be friendly to me and even smile at me in passing it feels great man. having multiple group hobbies and socials to go to (even if i dont drink much and its not like were partying) it feels good man. i want more of this next term now that i have no”i dont know anyone there” excuses. god i love it. i love waving to people i know, i love getting a ride from someone to go hang out t another friends place and people knowing me by name and caring about my presence! (though not too much, like nobody would miss me i guess, but i still have more of a place to carve and i cant say for sure that they did not notice me missing) anyway archery has been terrbily wholesome and one of the best things ive invested time into and im sad some of the happy faces there are leaving this summer....... and sure none of these friends have gone even to proper hugging levels, let alone talking together without a group of people or god, messaging privately if not strictly club stuff (ok theres like, a couple, one that im delighted about and cant wait to hang w in finland even tho theyre cooler than me)  but u know, same problem w. hm were friends within this hobby group. were not like. actually friends outside of this and wouldnt hang outside of it. uh. yeah. dont rly have that many that kinda friends..... just 2 in fact. ill work on that.... 

side note, i try joining in online groups like mxrp discords, and an odd skype chat for homestuck cosplayers. but its kinda the worst. i dont mind observing and reading in and commenting in my head and rarely actually participating tho nobody knows who i am, but like. nobody knows who i am or cares if im there at all. and its kind of a not great feeling. im not needed or wanted here. they just dont mind me being there u know. idk wht to do with those feelings. i dont really wanna make myself obnoxiously present and make people remember and want to talk to me and actually become immersed in it, bc these dont seem like that great people idk. i guess im too  ‘mature’ to just go omg i love you an all that. 

anyway lets dive into hmmmmmm  why am i still lonely? funny question eh. its because i have no consistent close relationships with anyone. have i ever? maxx was closest but i guess nawh here we are. i can get close to u in a night of just talking for hours but. if it doesnt carry through consistently does it count? i have a couple people to message when im delighted abt smth (heck even post to snapchat to get those lukewarm friendships to be reminded of me) and i have my parents to be sad to about a certain category of things that i share w them (like hobby frustrations and friends theyve met frustrations, and some body upset) i have this hunk of friends in uni i can hang out and chill with and will continue making better friends with gladly. im not an isolated herrmit (all the time) nor do i think im socially despicable. im just. normal. online ive felt more and more as much as i spend my entire day online w all these things im not an internet person??im not always posting on social media, im not always talking to 10 ppl at once, im not writing or creating media, im not consuming other than youtube actually, (like i dont watch shows u knw) , all i do is rp when i muster the strength and hang out lukewarm on tumblr posting rants and reblogging pretty and fun things, not getting involved much. not a fan of anything, not obsessed w anything, not overtly gay ( i dont even know what i am but girls are pretty and sex and relationships get gross as soon as you add me into the picture) and not an exciting personality. hell. i currently fuckin like ballet and archery and like. thats about it. (also hahahhahh catch me going down the abc list of hobbies, aikido, archery, badminton (w archery ppl) ballet. what next. cricket? crochet... cooking? dance (ballet) fencing gaming (hah no), hockey? ice skating ( im already doing it) like look at me anyway shh) im not trans and i dont feel gay enough to fit in (what a rant that is, but im just ignoring it for now) im so boring. too reational, too uninvolved, too unopinionated/have an opinion but prefer to keep quiet and at peace. i guess this is what normal people are like off the internet. and ill just deal with it. but how normal people fill the gap are these ridiculously idealistic bff groups that i clearly dunno how to achieve, and uh. relationships.

so i can foresee a future where an imaginative foggy figure will care about me so much and want to hear all these rants and talk about all my wild thoughts with me and love me and remind me of it and be happy around me and think im funny and make me feel good and loved and better than i am and be someone i love being aorund constantly and wont have to feel self concious with or like i need to be putting on the front that is not gross and is a lovely sociable person. like i doubt they even exist. the kind im specifically thinking off thatll make life a sunset gold and unbelievably happy and good. ill save that sunset gold feeling to my dream future, one in which im happy with my body and personality and have that shadowy figure that makes me all whole and better than im alone and all these pets and animals that i love and love me and plants and color and art and whimsical decorations and yknow. i see it in my head. it feels real good. i kinda wanna see if itll actually happen. it just. it feels so fuzzy and warm and i would love for that actually be real and look back on this and be like. i have it. everythings complete. we can dream. i might get it when im grey and old and all alone but found smth that makes it that good. anyway im not discounting that there might be ‘the one’ in that future, the perfect one. but. i still doubt in the present when or if ill ever meet them let alone if i do htat anything would happen. ive never ever dated anyone or even come close to it. i dont understand how people just, end up in relationships or almost always have one, and i guess im not trying to bc idk if i want it-  idk if im ready for it, but its a weird one ill tell u. i feel with this perfect imaginary figures all these bad feelings would go away and i could talk about them and someone help me fix them and become more and better than my thoughts. but i dont wanna look for one. i dont wanna experiment in relationships so that im ready and wont fuck it up when the one comes bc, its horrendous and stressful and im gross! im not dating material. nah. and obviously nobodys tried to date me so were all on the same page. honestly once i sort out the other things wrong w me, i might just get to therapy for this shit. like. why are relationships such a shit concept to me and like why and how do i deal with it without just saying fuck it relationshipss are not for me. i have no doubt ill keep making connections and friends throughout my life in all different random places, but im actually... kinda afraid none will stick around. if i cant form consistent strong friendships theyre al gonna fade away and ill have nobody when i need someone. having that one solid person would really help bc theyre there thick and thin i guess aparently. i have myself, but considering what a mess i am idk if thats enough at all. i think i should change myself an awful lot though before a relationship could happen. like. nobody wants a barely showering fat chubby in an awkwardway terrible skinned messy sad blabbery person. like. just a gross one. i gotta become so much better before i can even consider letting someone past to get this close i guess. i guess. these feelings are really not settling here and i feel off the rocker. like unsettled and uneasy. also i need to pee which is rly not helping feel less gross. that and my hair is nasty greasy bc rather than take a shower at a reasonable time i did.... nothing. and then i started writing this an hour, two hours ago? more? idk. 

kay then, we have reflected briefly while i was away on how fat and ugly i am and how hopeless considering ive been trying to finish a knitting project for my baby cousin and start drawing again or even just playing my old pokemon game (yknow summer vacay) things in the past few days. nawh. havent. even more productively i should have done actual exercise to build my stamina and make faster improvements in ballet and actually try and tackle the fat and ugly feeling in 8 weeks (but that like... requires diet control... which is hard?) and like o u know. finishing my fucking university course ive lied to everyone abt? ok lets be real i have passed the year and can move into the next w the credits i have and passed all the mandatory classes. but. i want/ need to pass this class. and i already forked out 30 pounds hopefully correctly to apply for a resubmission (more like first submission) of all these projects and its hard. considering in my hirearchy of shit that needs to be done (easiest most necessary first)  i havent even reached the first ladder of like washing my nasty hair. the ladder includes all the above projects and at the end of it is like completing that course (needs to be done by the end of the month u kno bitchh. u dont know how long its gonna take you cannot leave it to the last few days. and this other bulshit course idk if ill even get credit for completing late and dont know if i care but i guess i gotta do it anyway 

basically i just wanna d ie. thatd be nice. id not have to feel fat and stupid and worthless and discomfrot in my own skin and just. nasty and numb but bad all over. okay im really not feeling great bout now. but thanks to all the above weve realised i have nobody to talk to whod talk me out of these feelings and comfort me (let alone if im capable as a person to accept that considering theyd have to be very convicing to get past me going “mhmmm but youre wrong” ) 

anyway this has been terribland i havent achieved anything but feelin kinda bad. we have covered that ive never had proper friendships and that might be detrimental to me ever forming the kind of close companionship i seem to be missing, however at least i can make easy friends briefly and as such know im not a terrible person thru and thru that people hate. i just dont know how to cross that nd not be horribly annoying or how to find those kind of people bc shit and bullshit. do i need it? no i guess ill be fine. would it make my life better and more worth it? probably. id hope so. i mean it seems pretty important in human existence for there to be so damn many songs and movies and aboslutely everything focused around it. 

anyway. i know nobodys gonna finish reading this and i kinda hope i dont read back on this either. my cringey diary moments hidden under a readmore on tumblr. whats sadder.... tsk who wants to figure out how many words this all is? 

mhmmmm mmm 7 pages on word and 6059 words. damn gurl. no FUCKIN WONDer nobody wants to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings when they just erupt. bc even by erupt i mean a mild discomfort that im trying to pin down to a cause and an actual feeling so and so unsuccessfully.