#didn't realize how badly i loved the dynamic of

[bam-monsterhospital]

last night playing overwatch was fun, because when I went junkerqueen our hot lifeguard-skin-wearing lifeweaver flirted with me and watched out for my idiot wellbeing and was adorable and cute afjdkslf;j

[asidian]

One thing I haven't seen talked about is Crystal's character arc, and specifically the way the timing of it interacts with Charles' arc. They stumble over each other in the worst possible way en route to their respective character growth, and from a narrative perspective, it's absolutely genius.

I'm going to preface all this by saying: none of this is a criticism of Crystal. Part of what makes her such a dynamic, refreshing character is that you don't get to see women in fiction written the way she's been written. You don't get to see women with her flaws that aren't throw-away mean girls or villains. You especially don't get to see women with her traits who learn and grow and become better people. So yeah, I'm going to talk about Crystal's character flaws. No, this isn't Crystal hate. We love our girl in this house. Okay? Okay. Let's start.

Crystal's character arc, at its heart, is all about her learning to be a better person because she has good influences that love and support her for the first time.

When the show starts, Crystal is not a nice person. She's abrasive in a way that's specifically designed to push people away. She's used to getting her own way, and it shows. She's used to having no meaningful connections with anyone, and it shows. She's breathtakingly selfish, in the very literal sense of the definition. She is focused on her self. Her problems are front and center to her; everything is about what she needs, and what she wants, and how she's struggling.

Jenny calls her out very early on. In episode one, Crystal is complaining about the boys, and Jenny, for all her cynicism, strikes right at the heart of the problem. She tells Crystal, "Everybody is always thinking about themselves, all the time." People only care about their own problems. And she says, correctly, that that's what Crystal is doing, too.

This moment is a revelation for Crystal. For the first time, she considers what her behavior looks like from another person's perspective. As she says, she gets mad at herself over it, and that awareness allows her to do something selfless for the first time in the series. She takes a step back and insists that instead of focusing on her problems, they go to help a little girl. It's a big moment for her.

But importantly, she's not done growing as a character here. She's only just getting started.

On my first watch through, I didn't realize how often, over the next few episodes, Crystal redirects things to her problems during conversation, but it's quite a lot. She's still focused on herself – selfish, in that most literal definition of the word. The issues most important to her are her issues. She's starting to learn to think about other people, but she's not there yet. The process is still underway.

Which brings us to Charles.

Charles' arc is a different sort of self-reflection. He's terrified that he's a bad person the way his father was and the way the boys that killed him were.

During the course of the show, he gets systematically stripped of his confidence and made to feel helpless, and just like Crystal needs outside influences to help her reach a more stable place, Charles does, too. He desperately needs reassurance that he isn't everything he's afraid he is.

But my goodness, the timing in their arcs is such a trainwreck when you put them together, and it is brilliant.

Let's start with the Devlin House.

Crystal has some amazing character growth here. She displays genuine concern about Charles, makes an attempt at comforting him, and learns to work with Edwin even though she still doesn't particularly like him at this point.

Charles, meanwhile, is beginning to fall apart. He's just had the worst night of his afterlife. He's been viscerally reminded of how helpless he is. He couldn't stop the Devlins from being killed over and over, just like he couldn't stop his own father's abuse. He messed up his attempted rescue so badly that he was completely out of commission until the case was finished. He managed to help not one single thing. He made no impact at all. He couldn't help those girls any more than he was able to help himself, while he was still alive.

So they get back to the butcher shop, and what do we see? Monty immediately coopts Edwin. Niko doesn't know what's happened because she wasn't there and Charles has been all fake smiles with her. And Crystal goes off with Niko, leaving Charles to flounder on his own in the wake of everything. She's still learning how to support other people. She isn't there yet, and it's extremely on display in this moment.

Then we get the lighthouse episode, and they both get put through the wringer here. Crystal gets her hopes and expectations jerked around by the Night Nurse in the very worst way, and Charles gets hit with a whole pile full of trauma. All that helplessness wells to the forefront again. Combined with being forced to relive some of his worst memories and the desperation to keep Edwin safe from hell, Charles lets himself act on his anger for once.

And what does he get in the aftermath? Horror.

Everyone who cares about him is horrified by what he's done. Edwin goes so far as to call it extreme. They don't know the half of it, of course; they haven't seen what the Night Nurse just put him through. But in this moment Charles is at his absolute lowest, and all he sees is confirmation that he's exactly as terrible as he thinks he is.

That's why Charles shrugs off Edwin's attempt at comfort, here. When he needed to be able to do something to protect Edwin and also himself – when he needed to believe that he could be better than what his father always was – all he sees is the confirmation from the people he cares about most that when push came to shove, he really is a bad guy.

Then comes the aftermath. And this moment is such a brilliant, awful clash of both of their character arcs. It is so delightfully messy.

Because Charles starts to open up to Crystal here. He starts to lay himself bare, the way he ends up doing with Edwin in episode 5. He's on the verge of admitting something that he's been worried about for literal decades. He tells her, "I've been angry for such a long time."

And what does Crystal do? She's still in the midst of her own character growth. She's still struggling to support other people. She's still learning how to. In a lot of ways, though she's made progress already, she's still that selfish girl that Jenny called out in the very first episode.

And she shows it here it with the absolute worst possible timing. No sooner has Charles started to talk about what's bothering him than she cuts in with her own problems. She's tired of riddles and spirits and demons and not knowing who she is. And the look on Charles' face. The moment when he visibly sets aside his own problems, because Crystal doesn't need any more disasters on her plate? It's heartbreaking. You can actually track the subtle change in his expression there. The actor does a phenomenal job.

And then comes the kiss. And what spurs it? Crystal saying she needs something real.

This moment isn't about light-hearted attraction, the way the earlier flirting is. It's Charles setting aside what he needs – comfort and reassurance and a moment to talk through the things that have been tearing him apart – to give her what she says she wants. He can't even feel it. And Crystal isn't far enough along in her character growth here to realize how selfish she's being. Like Jenny said way back in episode one, she's only thinking about herself.

And then comes the absolute unmitigated disaster of episode 5.

Straight out the gate, Charles leans in for a kiss. From his perspective, they have something together; there's affection there. Charles "I think I'd miss kissing" Rowland, who has been starved for meaningful physical contact for thirty years, is not in a hurry to give this up.

But Crystal is fresh out of a nightmare where she conflates Charles with her abusive ex. She withdraws; she calls what they had a distraction. She cuts it off almost as soon as it's started, so focused on her own worries here that she misses how damn fake Charles' smile is, to cover up that he's coming to pieces.

To be clear, she's absolutely not in the wrong here. It is 1000% her prerogative not to jump into a relationship again while she's still struggling to work through what happened with David. But the arc of her narrative is still early enough that she does it all without so much as the awareness that her focus on her own issues has hurt Charles terribly.

And then the episode really kicks off, and both of them are in shambles in very different ways.

Crystal is projecting her issues with David onto Charles. She has a lot of history, and David seems as though he's exactly the right sort of toxic to leave lasting a lasting impact. But Charles hasn't done anything to deserve her assumptions, and he takes the brunt of her temper here and throughout the episode.

Charles is desperately projecting onto the dead jocks. He very badly wants them to be good guys, because he sees himself in them and he needs himself to be a good guy. He snipes back at Crystal for the very first time in this episode, and he does it in the worst way possible, accidentally prodding her where it will do the most damage.

They're both hurting. They both say some truly painful things to one another.

She does not need to hear that she has unsorted hangups about David still plaguing her while she's unable to move past them. He desperately does not need anyone to tell him that he has rage issues while he's still struggling to think of himself as a decent person.

They apologize, in the end. They start to move past it.

But it's telling that Charles doesn't try to open up to Crystal again. He goes to Edwin instead, even though Edwin is the one who called his actions regarding the Night Nurse extreme. He gets the reassurance he needs so badly; he gets the connection he was looking for with Crystal from Edwin, instead. (I have a lot of thoughts on why Charles initially tries to open up to Crystal so quickly, but it is very much an aside, and this is already extremely long, so it will have to wait for another write-up.)

But the important thing here is, Edwin is the one to offer Charles what he needs to overcome the self-doubt eating him alive. Edwin provides the physical affection Charles was seeking in the form of that long-overdue hug. Edwin is the one who's able to reaffirm for him that he's not just a good guy, he's the best person Edwin knows.

And for all intents and purposes, Charles' major character arc ends here.

Charles has a few last little moments to go on the path to rebuilding his own self-image, after this, but for the most part his concerns have been resolved. He saves Crystal in episode 6 and Edwin in episode 7, proving to himself that he's able to make a difference in the face of overwhelming odds. He's not helpless, no matter what the Night Nurse told him; he can be a force for good in the world. By the end of the series, his crisis of self-doubt seems to have been largely overcome.

But it's the conversation with Edwin at the end of episode 5 that really allows him to work through his most pressing issues. Edwin is there to help support him when he stumbles. Edwin provides him the comfort he was looking for while Crystal was too worried about her own problems to notice how badly he needed the help.

Crystal, meanwhile, still has a ways to go after episode 5. The last three episodes are where she does her most important character growth.

In episode 6, she learns some hard lessons about keeping secrets and letting people help and appreciate you even when you can't offer them anything in return. And Charles, importantly, is there for her every step of the way. He consistently offers her physical and emotional support. He models for her, in a very real way, what it looks like to have someone prop you up when you need the help.

And in turn, Crystal steps in to save the boys. She's the big damn hero at the end of this episode.

The breakthrough continues into episode 7. She's so intent on helping to get Edwin out of hell that she literally goes to face her own demons, not for herself for once – not for her own purposes or needs or wants – but because she wants to help someone else.

And episode 8, at long last, brings her to the culmination of her character arc.

Crystal is at her absolute lowest here. Her family, the people who were supposed to love her unconditionally, didn't even realize she was gone. Her precious memories, that she's spent the entire series trying to regain, have showed her that she's not the person she hoped she would be. She's overwhelmed enough that she means to flee, to cut herself off from her new friends entirely.

Then the boys get kidnapped. And just like that, she makes up her mind.

For the first time since the start of the series, she sets aside her most important issues in order to let what other people need take precedence. She disregards all of her own personal concerns and focuses instead on others. She's finally stepped out of those selfish impulses that Jenny calls her out on, all the way back in the first episode. She's finally learned how to support other people when they need it.

Crystal has finally figured out how to be there for others, despite having troubles of her own.

It's a lovely arc, and it's beautifully done.

Charles' is just as touching.

And god damn, but it was a brilliant narrative choice to have their character arcs line up in exactly the wrong way.

[gffa]

ABSOLUTELY EATING THIS UP because I don't think this is just grimdark Batman for the sake of grimdark Batman, there's a thread throughout this issue of Dick teetering on a tightrope of being a child and being a mirror of Bruce's anger and rage. Earlier in the issue, Bruce is refusing to let Dick out onto the street yet, saying that he's not ready, while Dick eavesdrops and looks ready to punch someone in the face about it. Woven in around this, is Jim Gordon asking to set up basically a playdate for Robin with his niece Barbara so they can go trick-or-treating together and Batman legit drops him off, like a kid about to go have fun. It's not until the Batsignal goes off that Dick runs off, and he's actually fairly happy-go-lucky as he's swinging through the air and kicking people in the face. Then this moment. A dark moment where Bruce is beating Julian Day so badly that the artist makes a point of all the blood on his fists, of Dick having a moment of, "I... didn't know he was an orphan." And the WHOLE POINT of the early days of Batman and Robin is that they were both orphans and that's why Bruce connected with him so hard, because he couldn't turn away from that little orphaned boy. And I think that's the point of these scenes, that Bruce isn't ready to let Dick into these fights because he doesn't want Dick to become him and see what Bruce himself has become. Bruce thinks during that fight that it was Alfred who made him wear the Kevlar, that he only agreed if it was thin and light. Bruce thinks about how he knows that kind of gun that was used in the killing. There's a thread running through the issue that Bruce is dealing with Harvey Dent becoming Two-Face, feeling betrayed about it and wondering if he could have saved his friend if he'd told him about Batman, given him a lifeline. It fits so well with what Dick Grayson is to Bruce Wayne--he's not just another orphan, but he's the one that will refuse to be made into a mirror of Bruce, that he will refuse to not be loved, that he will refuse to let Bruce stay in the dark. One of the main points of baby Dick Grayson as a character is that he was angry in the way Bruce was angry, but that he looked at the situation and said, you know what, I'm not going to let us fall into the dark, I'm going to drag us both out of here if I have to. This series comes with the context of Dark Victory before it, where Dick is portrayed as an angry child, but there are moments of adorableness and light. And that's it--you can't have Dick's character without recognizing that there's anger in there, but also you can't have Dick's character without one of the main themes of him is that he chooses to turn back to love and joy. This scene goes as dark as it does because it's a turning point for Dick, a point where he's realizing that he has choices in front of him. Bruce is saving him by giving him training and a home and people he loves, but Dick will be saving him by refusing to stay out of the light. And what a messy, convoluted dynamic that makes between them! A tiny child shouldn't be making that kind of decision, Bruce should be the adult here, but that's just who they are, and in a comic book story, it's really a testament to how incredible a character Dick Grayson is that he had all that anger and rage in him, will always carry it with him, but has the iron will to turn away from it and to emotionally go toe to toe with Batman and win. That child is going to bright laughter and love to Bruce Wayne's life, he's going to bring back the compassion and kindness that Bruce has buried in his heart, and there's nothing Bruce can do to stop him.

[facefullofsadness]

I can't fall in love with you

university!au

crush!giselle x admirer!reader

prompt - minjeong is so in love with her girlfriend aeri, but so are you, and you can't be

content - angst, complicated relationship dynamics, alcohol usage, allusions to suicide

wc - 3378

a/n - cathartic: involving the release of strong emotions

the sky is covered with dark clouds, there must be rain today.

it's almost ironic how the weather works, considering the number of nights I've been crying recently. it's been weeks since I last talked to aeri. I've avoided her like the plague to run away from the reality of whatever was brewing inside me emotionally that I felt towards her. minjeong is an incredible girl and the only girl that should really matter in aeri's life, I can't possibly interrupt that, no matter how badly I want minjeong's girlfriend.

knowing aeri for months, we grew closer together, to each other. I got so attached to her; she listened to me, let me rant to her about anything I wanted to, important or irrelevant, took care of me in the moments where I felt out of control of my own life, guided me through the days where I didn't want to try anymore, held me and let me cry into her as I shattered into a million pieces. my heart would always swell thousands of times its original size when she would look at me with those soft and kind eyes, running her big hands through my hair and holding me close as I sobbed, her comforting words making me melt all over again.

I love her, I love her so much, but I know that having her is impossible. I'm not the girl in her life that she prioritizes above all, that she would run to even if I'm on the floor sobbing, even if she made me feel that way. I realized this and became terrified, so I ran away. I abandoned her even after promising to never do so, ghosting her in an effort to leave her to live her life as normal, without so much baggage weighing on her shoulders because of me. but I so badly wanted to go back to her, run into her embrace that would instantly cure me of my agony, but I fought myself instead.

I was a fool to think I could listen to my brain and not follow my heart. cause as I drink the last of my third bottle of alcohol of the night, drunk out of my mind, I couldn't stop myself from texting her. of course, I should've thrown out my phone long ago. incoherent words send themselves to aeri, letters I can barely comprehend. but only minutes later, my vision clears when she replies:

</3: come to the playground

the playground near my apartment, a place we knew well, a place we went to for amusement or solace. maybe, this time it was more for conclusion.

"I hate when you're like this."

aeri says as I stumble over myself to reach the pole holding the swing set up.

"you act like I'm self-destructive or something," I respond sarcastically, slurring over my words, the alcohol in my system taking over completely.

she sighs at what I said, "don't joke around. I don't want you killing yourself... don't you see how hard I'm trying for you? don't you know how much I care about you y/n? how fucking heartbreaking it is to see you like this?"

even intoxicated, I can hear the venom in her voice as she gets irritated with me.

I chuckle back, "oh whatever aeri, don't waste your energy on me."

"fuck you y/n, I can't keep doing this," aeri raises her voice, desperation and exhaustion evident in it.

silence hangs for a second as my world spins, vision blurry, the darkness of the night not helping at all. my stomach churns and my heart burns, aching. all the things I want to confess to her getting stuck in my throat, unable to release itself.

I hiccup once before uttering out, "then leave, don't waste your time on me."

the sound of aeri clenching her fists around the metal supports of the swing are loud enough to be heard, but then, it's silent again. the summer late night breeze flows through the air, a solo lamp post above us providing us with the faintest amount of light, distant chirps of cicadas to accompany the noise of passing cars in the street nearby. then, a choked sob from the girl next to me.

I turn towards her, almost throwing up at the sudden movement. aeri's crying, a single tear falls from her right eye, running down her cheek and falling to the sand below. there's no follow-up sobs, just silent teardrops running down her sweet devastated looking face. my whole chest tightens at the sight, making my head spin more as the alcohol clashes with my heartbreak.

"y/n, if you wanted to leave me, you should've just said so..." it's practically a whisper, barely audible to my dazed mind, but I'm fully zoned in on listening to anything aeri has to say in this moment.

her words sink in however, my stomach unsettled from a mixture of the verbal heartbreak and the physical coping mechanism dancing together in tragic collaboration.

"if you were just gonna leave me hanging for so long, you could've just told me," her voice is louder, "do you know how long I waited for you? do you know how badly I missed you? how badly I wanted to reach out to you? it's not like it would've mattered considering you'd just ignore me."

she continues, "I've tried so, fucking, hard, to ignore how badly it aches being without you," each word added with a pause to emphasize herself. "every single second that has passed since you left me, all I've been able to think about is you."

her eyes close shut as she now uses her hands as her emotions pour out her mouth, "I literally cannot stop thinking about you. my fucking head is just filled with you, you, you. I can't be normal, if my ears aren't filled with noise then the thoughts of you come flowing back in and I can't stop them from being loud."

she hangs her head, her arms falling limp beside her, voice quieting down into defeated sighs, "you promised y/n, you promised me you wouldn't leave. but I can't hate you, I've never been able to hate you or dislike you or feel an ounce of disdain or contempt towards you because I don't, I never will be able to. I only but love you. and I can't stop loving you and I don't know how to stop, I don't know if I'll ever be able to stop, even if I tried it wouldn't work because I HAVE tried. and even then, I still fucking love you."

deafening silence hangs once again in the air, the tension palpable. I feel my chest squeeze, the overwhelming rush of emotions colliding with my fragile heart, feeling the liquid courage in my system turn to regret.

"always so eloquent with words, aren't you aeri?" my voice manages to squeak out, surprising myself, "but never enough to read the room."

she turns to look at me, eyes filled with tears. I hesitate from speaking, the words I want to say stuck at the back of my throat, stopping them from spilling out. if I weren't drunk enough to care, I'd listen to my thoughts, but my body reacts on its own, knowing that if I don't speak now, I'll hold this suppressed pain till the end.

"why do you think I've avoided you? why do you think I needed the space and distance? because I didn't want to see you? because I didn't wanna talk to you anymore? because you didn't make me happy anymore? didn't make me feel like the only girl to ever exist in this wicked fucking world, the only person to truly see and love me, the only person to make me feel like I mattered?"

I can't hold myself back as my emotions overflow from my tongue, unable to halt its onslaught, no longer in control of my own self.

I become louder, choked sentences turning into audible begs for her to listen, "do you really think my words meant nothing? that I didn't mean it when I said all those things to you? that you were the first person, the only person I would go to when I felt like shit? did you even listen to me?!"

"of course I fucking listened to you y/n! why are you acting like I'm stupid?!" aeri argues with me.

"because you're blind aeri!" I argue back, "can't you see?! can't you fucking see what's going on?!"

"I don't understand!"

"I'm in love with you aeri! I'm in love with all of you, every single part of you! I love your smile, your voice, your laugh, your body, your hands holding mine, your warm comforting hugs, your hums when I lay on your chest, your pats on my back when everything is too overwhelming, the affirmation you give when I feel like dying, the interest you show when I rant about something stupid, the shine in your eyes when you talk about your interests, the gentleness you give me when I'm crying, the love you make me feel when you simply exist in my presence and even if we're not together you still make me feel like I matter! I fucking love you!!!"

drops of rain softly fall to the ground around us, a light drizzle slowly emerging from the sky, the weight of my outburst heavy in the air.

my voice croaks, almost whispering, "I've fallen so deeply and harshly and intensely in love with you, every part of my body aches because while I love you, I cannot have you. I know you love me too but you can't love me the way I so desperately want you to, the way I so desperately love you."

the moon glistens in her eyes, shiny with tears and cheeks trailing with raindrops. so much pain painted on her face, and yet she's still so beautiful, my heart longs even harder for aeri.

"being around you makes me feel like the angel you say I am, makes me feel like I'm floating above the clouds and you're the reason why I'm able to do that, makes me feel like nothing else matters as long as I have you. but it also reminds me of how it's all not real, how I can't just have you, that I'm not your only one. it's minjeong and it should be, but my god do I wish it were me..." my voice weakens with the last part of the sentence, the tears streaming down my trembling cheeks.

"so aeri, I'm inexplicably sorry for breaking your heart, but mine is shattered too. my reality, this reality, it's unbearable, and I so badly yearn for you. I've been agonizingly in pain wanting you, needing you ever since I've left with no words, but resisting it because I can't ruin the good thing you and minjeong have. no matter how insanely desperate I am for you, I know it's not right for me to fight myself for you."

we both cry silently, the slight rustle of leaves from the trees around us in harmony with the serene but heartbreaking drizzle of rain muffled by the sand of the dark abandoned playground. it pained me greatly watching the love of my life look so utterly torn apart in front of me, me being the reason aeri was so broken. all I want to do is reach out to her, cup her precious face into my hands, wipe the salty tears from her cheeks, and kiss her plump trembling lips, reassure her that everything will be okay. but again, I can't, I couldn't, my shoes glued to the floor and hands clutching the material of my jacket, like I could hold in the pain aching in my chest.

"y/n..." her voice shaky, tone unrecognizable compared to the comforting and confident girl I knew, "I love you."

even though her voice was weak, what she said made my knees wanna give out, buckling at her words. she had told me she loved me before but this time she sounded different, it made my churning stomach fill with butterflies. my chest pounded harder as aeri started to walk closer to me, tiny but impactful steps as she was almost up against me. her warm hands carefully cupping my cheeks, thumbs caressing my skin and wiping my tears away as I melt completely into her touch. as my eyes close, I feel her forehead rest against mine, aeri's soft lips very slightly grazing mine, my hands falling to slip themselves into her hoodie, holding her close by her waist, afraid to let go.

I clutch her tightly, a contrast to the soft grasp aeri's hands hold my face in, so warm on my cheeks. even for this small moment in time that the two of us settle in, I feel all my anxiety and agony wash away with the rain, comforted and at peace with the world when I'm with her, the girl I'm so tragically in love with holding me like it's the only thing either of us want, need. god I wish this moment would last forever.

what I would give to kiss her right now. how badly I want to just close the miniscule amount of distance between us and feel her soft lips mold against my strawberry soju flavored ones. how desperately I want to pull her into me and never let go, making out with her breathlessly. and how painfully I hold myself back, restricting myself from acting upon any urge I harbor, not letting myself give my everything to the woman I love.

"aeri... I love you," my voice breaks in a sob, "and I'm sorry..."

I take a good look at my one and only girl for the last time, observing her perfection, how ethereal aeri uchinaga is to me. then I rip myself away from her warmth, turning and never looking back, tears welling up in my eyes and blurring my vision of the already pitch black night.

I run. I run and run. I keep running. I cry, furiously. I can't see anything. all I can hear is the sound of my own sobs as I throw myself against the wall of a building and shrink to the floor, wailing into my arms.

the days that followed were a blur. I don't remember how the night ended, how I got home, what happened after, nothing. I didn't touch my phone, didn't contact or respond to anyone, just rotted the days away in my bed, eating or using the bathroom when my stomach hurt too much. not even a knock at the door would force me to get up from my asylum, not a phone call, not an urgent emergency, not anything that could possibly be of importance. simply because nothing mattered. I used to believe it would all be okay if nothing did matter, but my reason to keep believing is gone now, she's all gone.

looking out the window all day, the clouds were dark and heavy, steady drizzling from the sky once again. I took a trip to the kitchen, interrupted by a white envelope on the floor near the door. it compelled me forward, shakily opening it and feeling all of my emotions run back to me as soon as I recognized the handwriting.

dear y/n,

I don't know anymore. I've thought a lot about everything and I just, I've got nothing. nothing to tell you that'll make everything okay, that'll solve any problems or issues, that'll make anyone feel better. I'm sorry y/n, for letting all of this happen. I've come to the realization that it's out of my hands, emotions and love, they act on their own, but while I'm sure I can't completely blame myself for how you feel about me, I could've let you go softly instead of letting you love me, even if I didn't know. I got close to you, closer than I've ever gotten I think to anyone, not minjeong, not my friends, not my family, you. I should've known that our clinginess to each other would lead to such a demise.

I write all of this to say, ultimately, I love you. I still love you, I don't think I can bring myself to stop loving you, again, even if I tried, I wouldn't be able to. I'll be leaving soon, the fall semester is gonna start and I'll be gone and out of your hair in more ways than one before you know it. not that it matters but me and minjeong broke up. it was never gonna work out between us considering the differences in what we wanted and how impossible it was for us to be with one another. I could sense the end for us, I could feel her falling out of love with me. unfortunately I've lost one too many people I've loved deeply and I don't think I can reasonably recover ever from this.

y/n, if you're ever ready to love me again, in any way, shape, or form, I'll be there. I want you to know I'll never stop loving you, again, I fucking can't. I don't know why I keep holding onto you when I know it's over, I know we're over, I know you don't want to, or wish you could stop giving a fuck about me. so goodbye y/n. thank you for making me just the happiest girl I could've been for as long as you existed in this life of mine. you made me feel beautiful, gave me butterflies, made me feel like if everything in life fell apart and that if it was just me and you that it would be perfectly fine, like nothing or no one mattered as long as it was just us, you made me feel so fucking incredible, inside and out. I've never felt such euphoria from anyone before, and haven't felt so gorgeous until you came around, like the goddess you treated me as.

admittedly, I think you were slowly but very effectively taking my heart. I never let myself dwell on those thoughts for too long but deep down I knew that it was true. everything you said that night when I held your precious face in my hands, I couldn't ignore it, I was falling for you too. I wanted to kiss you so bad, to close my eyes as our lips met and ignore the world falling apart around us, but you pulled away and I stood there with my hands in the air covered in rain, feeling my heart break all over again. I love minjeong and I'll continue to love her till I die, but I don't think I was in love with her anymore, but in love now with you. letting you steal my heart while minjeong's heart was in my hands is regrettable, I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself even if she never knows. though, I don't regret having fallen for you, I mean I wouldn't have if there was no reason to, right? but ultimately, it's my fault for letting two incredible people fall in love with me, someone who couldn't keep their hearts from breaking in the end.

I can't promise you this little life of mine will last long, I'm, broken, shattered, and quite frankly, I don't wanna try loving anymore, I think this might've been my last straw. I've never been good with love, you know that, and yet you loved me, maybe you still do. I don't know if I can handle anyone else falling in love with me and letting myself fumble with their precious emotions any longer, so taking out the middle man feels like the conclusion I've reached. we both ended up breaking our promises of staying for each other, didn't we? how ironic, isn't it y/n? I'm sorry for leaving you, but I can't find it in my own fragile heart to stay. so, thank you for being my friend, my love, mine.

I'll protect you from the other side,

your aeri

the rain outside started to pour.

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

IS THERE A VERSION OF JOEL MILLER I WOULDN'T FUCK?

[a case study in how thirsty i am for this man.] [aka fic recommendations]

Unfortunately, in my extensive research on this topic, I have found some pretty damning evidence against my sanity.

dad's best friend!joel miller x fem!reader

Your Summer Dream [masterlist] by @swiftispunk It is a scientific fact that if you place Joel Miller on a beach he becomes 100x hotter. I don't make the rules, I just report them.

Creep it Real! by @swiftispunk I am a puddle. I melted and I'm a shallow pathetic puddle. Cowboy and Angel. I just hnnnnnggggg. I need him to ruin me pls dear god.

*I'm realizing if i include all the DBF!JM i read this will get very long, very quickly, and i think i have revealed enough of myself on this blog to highlight my very obvious daddy issues

**speaking of daddy issues...

stepdad!joel miller x fem!reader

Don't Be Cute, Be Nasty by @cockslutpadalecki i'm pretty sure this was the first stepdad!joel miller anything i read and it awoke something in my soul. it's always fun to reach new levels of my daddy issues and BY GOD was this just 🫠

Bad Girl [part i of many] by @seventeenpins he walks in on her while she's watching stepdaddy porn and good lord it gets filthier and filthier in the best kind of way.

boyfriend's dad!joel miller x fem!reader

Lost in the Dark [masterlist] by @iamasaddie i expected to be a slut reading this but then it made me an emotional slut out of nowhere i am obsessed. there is nothing i love more than being drawn in by my thots only to be hit by an emotional bus out of nowhere.

Thigh's Out AU [masterlist] by @toxicanonymity not only is this a boyfriend's dad AU, but said boyfriend's dad is a hot and slutty. just like i like my dilfs.

father-in-law!joel miller x fem!reader

Pink [masterlist] by @netherfeildren holy fuck. that's all. just holy fuck. this altered my genetic makeup.

Help, I'm Stuck! by @nosesitter spoiler alert: he takes her wedding ring off before dicking her down and I-- 👀 send help.

***i didn't think i had a lot of significant other's father!joel miller in my repertoire, but i had to stop myself again from listing them all on this one otherwise we'd be here all day. shit, i'm learning things about myself 🤡

dark therapist!joel miller x fem!reader

Session 1 by @elvinaa i think this only highlights how badly i need an actual therapist (as does this entire list actually).

sleazy gas station clerk!joel miller x fem!reader

Meet Me in the Back (1) & The Night is Dark Enough ... (2) written by @atticrissfinch It does not bode well for me that this version of Joel Miller made me so fucking feral. In no way, shape, nor form should a sleazy gas station clerk make me feel this way AND YET HERE WE ARE.

tattoo artist!joel miller x fem!reader

Honeyed [masterlist] by @softlyspector This one absolutely hits too close to home for me, but that's probably why I'm so obsessed with it. My touch adverse yet touch starved ass ate this up and left no crumbs😌

chiro!joel miller x fem!reader

Say Yes to Heaven by @pascalisbaby i thought the medical side of my brain would cringe at the doctor/patient dynamic but as it turns out my depravity knows no bounds 🥵

frat dad!joel miller x fem!reader

The Old College Try by @proxima-writes i didn't even know this was something i needed in my life until it came into my life. blessings🙏🏼

ceo!joel miller x fem!reader

Sex on Fire [masterlist] by @macfrog i don't think i need to harp on what that sugar daddy vibes do to me🤤

mafia!joel miller x fem!reader

Divine Dynasty by @cavillscurls Remember when I said putting Joel by a body of water makes him 100x hotter? The same applies to a Mafia AU. I can't explain it. I have no sound reasoning to support my claim other than "he hot tho".

pornstar!joel miller x fem!reader

I Know it When I See it [masterlist] by @bageldaddy 🔥🔥🔥 that is all.

maintenance man!joel miller x fem!reader

Maintenance Man [masterlist] by @gracieispunk toolbelt. say less.

slasher!joel miller x fem!reader

Slasher [masterlist] by @toxicanonymity i thought for sure, FOR SURE, this would be blind, pure, detached smut that i could enjoy with no emotional ties whatsoever. and then all of a sudden i'm feeling things??? he just loves his mom so much😭 mama's boy wants to be happy. JAIL. real jail for murderer joel miller. horny jail for me. and audacity jail for toxic b/c how dare you make me feel things for a serial killer😩

as i said previously, the evidence speaks for itself. i have yet to find a version of joel miller i could not immediately fuck. i'm actually planning (i have a lot of plans and no time smh), to go through all these on my recommendation blog w/play by play commentary so everyone can know just how unhinged i am for this guy.

but now!! you guys have a syllabus for my insanity!!

now, excuse me while i go find a therapist (a real one, not a hot/dark joel miller version of one) (although beggars can't be choosers right?👀)

dividers by @saradika

[grahminradarin]

Hi hey hello. I've been watching Miraculous since September, and I just finished.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS FANDOM?

That finale was amazingly well-made. I definitely get why people were disappointed, but there's no way that's everything. The writers who made the rest of the season so good are not capable of writing something this confusing and unsatisfying, unless it's on purpose. This story isn't done.

There has been a lot of focus in the season on class dynamics, but in the last couple of episodes they really start bringing this theme of how people deal with power to the forefront

With Ladybug and Chat deciding not to do anything against Chloe because it's not their responsibility even though they have the power to do it, everything with Lila, the increasingly reckless and harmful ways Gabriel is manipulating people because he thinks he gets to decide what is good for others, Gimmi complaining that no one ever summons them to tell them anything good and only summon Gimmi to use Gimmi's power.

And the thing that brings it together: Marinette's speech right at the end, just before Gabriel makes the wish, when she says the power is only valid when it's used for the greater good of other people.

And then the statue of Gabriel. Right after all of this, a statue commemorating the man who refuses to use his power for the good of others. The dissonance is on purpose. This story is thematically incomplete, and I think the London special will finally wrap it all up.

What does the fandom come away from this talking about? How interesting this all is and wondering how it gets resolved? No. The fandom on the subreddit (and some of them on Tumblr) say "The villain won without consequences! This is bad writing!" and "Why is Marinette not telling Adrien he's a sentimonster?".

I just. How do you watch that and come away with your biggest concern being "Marinette didn't tell Adrien the truth"? How do you not see that it's so much bigger than that? That's not one dangling plot thread, we're looking at an unfinished garment and complaining that the edges are fraying.

And a good portion of the fandom cannot for the life of themselves see the loom and the people working it still going. I don't know how to stretch this metaphor any further, but I cannot believe that anyone would look at something so blatantly incomplete and still treat it like it's the entire picture. It's a microcosm of a bigger issue with the fandom, which is, as far as I can tell, that this fandom wants to watch a different show. Seasons 4 and 5 are so vastly different from seasons 1 and 2, and I think the people that came here to enjoy the first two or three seasons but hated the later ones are angry with the show for not following the traditional kinds of stories in the genre.

This show isn't trying to be an episodic or somewhat serialized story about love squares and middle school nonsense. It's a deep and varied exploration of what being a magical girl does to a 14 year old (in addition to many other things), and it's not pretty. The show is trying to say "this was terrible for everyone, and it shouldn't have happened, but it did, and here's how". And most people didn't want that, which is fair. But it doesn't mean the show is badly written, nor does it mean the writers hate certain characters. It pisses me off that a show this well made, with so much time and effort and care, is constantly dismissed as a badly-written, disorganized piece of crap that people only like ironically. Something this well made deserves a more neutral presentation to let people form their own opinions, and it deserve appreciation for the innumerable things it does well, especially in later seasons and the specials.

In summary, Miraculous isn't bad. A vocal part, maybe even the majority, of the fandom just wanted something else based on the first 3 seasons, and hasn't realized it because they're so devoted to hating on the show. And it deserves a much better reputation than it has.

[tsukimefuku]

Tactics

You and Higuruma finally go on your first not-date when you finally decide to give him an answer.

Tags: +18! SMUT, Jujutsu Kaisen, WITH PLOT (I'm a plot whore), Higuruma x OC/f!reader, reader is definitely falling for him, this is going to get messy, bj, edging, penetration, m!top x f!bottom dynamic because Higuruma is clearly a switch and so is f!reader, Higuruma is sort of a little shit and you love it.

The song that inspired this: Tactics - The Yellow Monkey (on YouTube)

This is part of my "Jujutsu Partners Canon Divergence AU". A sequence of short stories and random drabbles for a Nanami x Reader x Higuruma long fic I might write. To see the ever-growing list of one-shots and short stories, please visit my masterlist :) 

Disclaimer these stories are NOT written and posted in chronological order of events. To see where this story fits in the timeline, please check the masterlist mentioned above. This takes place AFTER "Lover's Pass (Nxf!R)" and "The Event - Part 2 (Nxf!R)", that I'll post sometime along the next week.

The prickling feeling of love with you in the air, Biting into the rough sand, surrendering to the night. Won't you let me drink wine with those proud lips of yours soon? A man and a woman bound on a full moon night, eternally Intensely, lady, ah, gimme your love! Mysteriously, lady, I need your love! Occasionally, those lonely eyes you show, I can't tell if they're true or false. Honestly, lady, ah, gimme your love! Try to feel it, lady, I need your love! Swept away by your gestures, the passionate love dances within me.

— Tactics ☾ イエモン

Your face was flushed, but it wasn't due to the two glasses of wine you decided to drink that night. You and Higuruma were sitting across the table, officially on your first not-date with the man.

Earlier that day, you had called Higuruma, asking if he could meet you.

“Of course. It’s a date, then.” He answered on the other side, glad you called.

“No! It’s not a date! It’s a not-date.” You chided, barely noticing the blush on your face in the backseat of the car, whispering into the phone, while Ijichi drove you and Nanami to your next mission.

You heard a soft chuckle, and his voice was honeyed with delight. “Fine. Then let me take you to a not-dinner on our not-date. Okay?”

You could barely hold the smile forming on your lips as you said “yes. Sounds good.”

Then, after defeating the Lover's Pass curse with Nanami and having an emotionally charged conversation with him that didn't end well at all, you were on your way to meet Higuruma, to finally give him an answer. 

"So, what is it with you and Nanami Kento? You two seem very close." He asked, observant eyes on you, as he rested his chin on his hand, elbow on the table.

"Oh, you're a pretty straightforward guy, aren't you?" You asked, jokingly, taking a sip of wine. You were both in a restaurant, as he offered to take you to a not-dinner on your not-date. So you both decided on eating appetizers and share a half bottle of wine. After abusing your liver so much these past few days, you decided to definitely take it slow tonight.

"I like to think so." He smiled, avoiding a big witty comeback that could derail the conversation and help you avoid answering the question.

You sighed before responding. "We met around ten years ago, when I wasn't an actual Jujutsu sorcerer. He and Gojo came to my hometown, Odate, to work on a case that ended… Badly. After that, I left Odate. From what he's told me, that case was also the reason he left Jujutsu for years, too."

Higuruma was silently listening in between the clacks and clicks of glasses and cutlery that filled the restaurant.

"And how did you end up working for Jujutsu High a decade later?" He inquired.

"Gojo. He realized the higher ups were plotting to get me into 'custody' for working as a 'healer' under the radar around Japan, you might say, and he intervened, royally saving my ass." You chuckled, drinking some water and grabbing a plain dinner roll to take a bite. "He wanted to bring me here to Tokyo ever since we met at Odate, because he was sure I could learn reverse cursed technique to heal other sorcerers, but I was so angry at Jujutsu High at the time I couldn't bring myself to do it."

Higuruma tilted his head softly to the side, curious. "Why?"

"Long story short, the entire shitstorm in Odate happened because of their unethical ways of treating people outside the prized clans." You answered, sighing and leaning back on your chair. 

"Oh." 

"Yeah, ‘oh’ indeed." You shrugged. "Well, Gojo and Nanami are the two people in my life that still have some connection to my past, especially Nanami. We worked together on that mission from the first day to the last."

"I see."

"After I came to Tokyo, I started to go on assignments alongside Nanami for the first few months I was here. It was somewhat similar to our situation. I guess this is basically the entirety of the story. He became a close friend and someone I actually trust in the dirty world of Jujutsu." You concluded, taking an actual gulp of wine, trying to shove down your discomfort of talking about Nanami right now and having flashbacks of the night the both of you shared together. 

Somewhat satisfied with your answer, Higuruma leaned back on his chair too, starting to eat as he had his hawkish eyes trailing over you. His gaze was indecipherable, as you could almost hear the cogs turning in his head, seemingly… planning something? You could've sworn you saw the corner of his mouth twist up in a smirk.

***

You threw the keys over your tiny dinner table and invited Higuruma inside, as you both removed your shoes in the entry hall. When he made his way in, he was instantly overpowered by the multiple scents of different varieties of flowers and plants. Your entire apartment was covered with plant vases and greens, and had a beautiful light wooden floor that extended around the entire place. It was a little messy, but strangely welcoming, if you knew what to look for — somewhat like yourself.

"I'd like to talk and give you a proper answer, Hiromi." You said, sitting down on the couch, inviting him to sit beside you.

Higuruma nearly smirked at the sound of his name through your lips, but kept his composure. "About if we should continue our bedroom endeavors?" He answered, then smiling, as he sat beside you. 

You chuckled. "Yes. This not-date was lovely, but I don't know if we should proceed, and I'd like to talk about it."

The man hummed, kind of disapprovingly. "Here it comes. Tell me."

With a sigh, you began. "I have feelings for someone else. I do not intend to pursue any sort of relationship with this person, nor keep nurturing this, but I-"

"Did you like sleeping with me that night and would you like to continue?" He interrupted, looking at you, completely unbothered by what you were just saying.

You were taken aback. "What?"

"Would you like to keep having sex with me?" He inquired again. "I can tell you right now that I really enjoyed what we had that night, and definitely would like to do it many more times."

You were at a loss for words. "... I- I..."

"Stop thinking. This should come naturally. Just answer what comes first to your mind." Higuruma said, planting his hand over your knee while restraining himself from sliding his fingers up your thigh, knowing full well how that turned out the last time. He was very aware he'd have to navigate this with you carefully if you were to tell him how you truly felt, instead of running away, and he employed some of his old tactics to do so.

Interrupt you in the middle of a ready to go statement, surprise you with an unexpected question that addressed the main point he wanted to discuss, and rile you up in any way he could to lower your defenses. Truth was never calmly said — it was usually blurted out in shame or desperation. 

Your body trembled to his touch, and you were glad to be sober, or otherwise... Damn this man and how endearing, charming, and handsome he is. 

“So, what is your answer, my dear?” He inquired, pressing his hand over your knee. He was figuratively and literally pressuring the answer out of you.

"Yes. I liked it very much, and I'd very much like to do that more times." You spat out, smiling in utter embarrassment at your complete lack of self-control.

"Then that is the part which interests me," Higuruma responded, shamelessly leaning towards you with a gentle — yet mischievous — smile on his face, having you falling on your back in a second. He caged you in between his hands, holding the backrest with one hand, and the arm rest with the other. You put your hands over his chest and started breathing through your mouth.  You thought you should open the window, why is it so hot in here?

"Does it interest you?" This man knew, especially from your last pillow talk, you were like a bird. Prone to flying away at any sudden movements. So he decided to have a more active approach this time, because he knew exactly what he wanted — he wanted you.

"Yes. I-It does," you answered, body warm all throughout, as you looked at his mouth, biting your lips. 

That was all he needed. Higuruma buried his mouth to yours, pressing his tongue insistently against your lips. You welcomed him in, and his tongue teased yours as you began to take off his tie. He took both of your hands firmly using only one of his enormous hands, not squeezing them, still supporting himself to hover over you holding the couch's backrest. You halted your movements as he leaned back to look at you. "Not now."

His glassy eyed gaze and self-satisfied smile sent shivers down your spine, as he seemed to be taking bites out of you simply by looking. You smiled at him and asked, "bossy tonight?" 

"Kind of." he confessed, planting a quick kiss on your lips. Higuruma then got up, and kept looking at you, who was already becoming a little mess laying on your back, and nonchalantly put his hands in his pockets. "There is something I remember about the last time we did this dance, darling."

"Is there?" You asked, with half a smile, sitting up to look at him. "Is it the fact we seem to always start doing things on not-so-comfortable couches?"

He chuckled richly. "No. This time, it was a little intentional, not gonna lie." You were confused. "Last time, if I remember it correctly..."

"Oh, 'if you rememb-'"

Higuruma put his index finger over your mouth and instantly shut down your antics, making you go silent. "I'm speaking now, my dear." He smirked, sliding his finger under your chin, and proceeded. "If I remember it correctly, you got to finish twice. I only finished once. Does that sound fair to you?"

You shook your head, completely mesmerized at the effect he was having on you. You wanted to get on your knees immediately and unzip him, letting him face fuck you into oblivion, but waited, because at this moment he was leading the dance, and would dictate the next steps.

"So, do you have any idea how we could restore some balance?" Higuruma said, in a deep, gravely voice, as he lifted your face a little more, finally removing his finger from under your jaw.

Looking at the edge of his pants, your hands slowly made their way to unbutton them, but he held them in place. You whimpered, and he chuckled softly. "How do you say, darling?"

"Please?" You asked, rubbing your nose over his closed zipper. His erection was very evident at this point, and you huffed a blow of hot air over it, feeling his body vibrate softly.

"Good girl." Higuruma said, sliding his fingers through your hair, as you moaned to the sound of that. You unbuttoned his pants, unzipped him, and slowly removed them, alongside with his boxers, being met by his cock, already flushed with a red bulbous tip. 

"May I?"

He rested his thumb on your chin. "Put your tongue out."

You did as instructed, and could hear him groan at the sight of you presenting your mouth open, tongue sticking out to meet his needs. Higuruma grabbed his cock and grazed the tip over your tongue, moaning pleased, eliciting a whimper from you too. "Do you want it?" He asked, taunting you, brushing his tip, now slick with your saliva, around your upper lip. You nodded, both hands plastered over his thighs, longingly. 

In response to your nod, he used his free hand to delicately push your open mouth onto him, holding tightly to your hair as he did so. You felt you were already dripping in between your legs just to the taste of him, and began sliding your mouth up and down on his length, savoring it as you did so.

You made sure to press with your tongue every time you felt a particularly prominent vein, having Higuruma pulling his breath through his teeth in satisfaction. He began bucking his hips very gently, careful not to choke you, as you glazed his entire length with spit, moaning in appreciation. Even though he had you under his thumb right now, he was still very much preoccupied with you, so you put your hands on the sides of his hips, pushing him encouragingly. Following suit, his thrusts into your mouth became stronger and faster, starting to hit the back of your throat. You held your choking, and moaned louder, pressing his hips more urgently. He threw his head back, letting out a strained moan, as he began to effectively face fuck you with intent.

A few tears started pooling in your eyes, as you took his cock entirely into your mouth, eager to please him. Higuruma started to pump his girth sloppily into your mouth, panting, and asked, in-between moans, "can I come in your mouth?", to which you responded with a loud and muffled "mm-hmm". He then let go completely, bucking his hips with complete abandon against your mouth until you felt a warm splatter in the back of your throat, his cock pulsing as he came desperately.

You began swallowing his cum, sucking on his cock, feeling every spurt go down your satisfied throat, until you let go of it with an audible pop. Then, you looked up at him.

Higuruma was staring at you, and began brushing his hand on your cheek in a loving way. "So, now that we're even," he began, smiling in his blissful state, "we may go to the bedroom." The sorcerer offered his hand to help you, and you promptly took it. He pulled you up suddenly, and before you realized, you felt your feet swooping up in the air, with one of his arms under your knees. He was holding you in his arms, like a bride, and grinned as he tilted his head down to look at you. You put your arms around his neck for support, and couldn't help but flush so completely when he was gazing at you in such a lovely way. 

"You tend to get your face often flustered." He said, walking inside the bedroom. "I love it." Higuruma laid you on the bed and noticed you had a bedside lamp. He decided to turn it on, and you could see him under that half-lit daze.

Inside your room, the flowers smelled even stronger. Higuruma couldn't discern right now what was your flowery smell, and what the flowery smell lingering around your apartment. 

He put his knee on the mattress to climb on the bed, and removed his tie without breaking eye contact with you. Higuruma then started unbuttoning his shirt slowly, clearly teasing you, opening it up to reveal his beautiful body underneath. You stared at him shamelessly, and he noticed it, grabbing your hand, putting it over his abs silvery lit, making your body tremble in satisfaction.

With a chuckle, he finished removing his shirt and climbed on the bed, laying right beside you. Then, Higuruma put his hand right behind your waist and pulled you in for a kiss. You could still taste the wine on him, warm on his breath, and gasped the moment his hands began tracing the outline where your pants and your shirt met. Lost in your own haze, you rolled over him, removing your shirt with a tug. Sitting over his unclothed cock, you traced your fingers over his muscles, admiring the view. He had his hands up, splayed to each side of his head, and you grabbed his wrists, pushing them down the sheets. Higuruma's face blushed slightly, as he smiled at you. "Feeling bossy tonight, too?"

"Kind of." You replied, replicating his cadence. However, he effortlessly flipped his hips underneath you and had you rolling underneath him. Higuruma yanked his hands from your grasp and held your hands above your head, seizing the opportunity to grind his throbbing cock over your clothed sex, drawing a surprised moan out of your lips. Tonight, he'd break you gently, lovingly, in every way he could. "Too bad, my dear. Today, I'll be the one in charge." He let go of your hands and in swift moves, undid your bra, unzipping your pants and removing them calmly. 

Higuruma put two of his fingers over your lips, and said, "open up." You obliged, and he entered your mouth delicately with his digits, grazing them up with your saliva. You sucked on his fingers softly, while looking at him, satisfied at the sight of him grunting. Then, he traced his fingers down your body, ghosting right above your aching core. You tried bucking  your hips in the direction of his fingers, but the sorcerer noticed it, and pulled his hand a little further away.

"If you want it, ask for it." Higuruma chided, calmly, locking his eyes to yours.

"Please, touch me." You replied, desperate for some friction on your neglected bud. He seemed hell-bent on driving you mad this night.

"Oh, I didn't even have to say anything for you to ask nicely. Good girl." His praise came down on you like warm rain, sending waves of honeyed dewy satisfaction all over your skin. He pressed his fingers around your entrance, and gently pushed them in, having your walls clenching desperately pulsing around them. When Higuruma bottomed out his digits inside your pussy, he used his thumb to rub small circles on your clit, having you instantly trembling under his touch. He groaned, pleased, and said, "you look so pretty undoing like that."

His words sent shivers all over your body, as you felt every single hair pry up, electrically. You mewled and moaned, as his fingers stretched you out for his cock, throbbing and yearning for another release. As he felt satisfied enough with your walls fluttering around his fingers, he pulled them out, ghosting your entrance with the tip of his length. He got distracted for a moment, looking around. 

As if reading his mind, you put your hand on his shoulder. "I'd like to... feel you tonight."

He lifted an eyebrow, curious. "Are you sure?"

You nodded. Higuruma then took your hand on his, and gently kissed your knuckles, intertwining his fingers to yours as he pressed your hand beside your head on the sheets. Then, he teased the tip of his cock, sliding up and down your folds, stopping a few moments to press it against your bud, eliciting a whimper from you. He kept doing this to slowly drive you into a spiral, taking full advantage from the fact that he had already had an orgasm, and you hadn't. Watching you squirm, twist and turn under him was one of the best things he'd ever seen, Higuruma was sure of it.

"P-Please... Hiromi, I'm b-begging, please-" you pleaded, urgently, as he lifted both of your hands above your head and held them down firmly, putting his other hand over your hip to push you down the mattress.

"Ah... You look beautiful, asking for me." He pressed the tip of his cock in your entrance, and you gasped, as he thrust into you incredibly slow, sinking inch by inch, taking all the time in the world to weave your walls around his girth. Finally bottoming out, he pulled equally slow, and you were just about to weep in frustration, desperate to buck him into you relentless, but firmly held in place by his hand pressed against the plush of your hips.

"I need you... You're driving me mad-"

"Am I, now?" Higuruma asked, chuckling in between pleasure filled huffs, leaning over to hover his lips above yours. He didn't kiss you, though, and you couldn't press forward properly because the still held both of your hands above your head, limiting your upper body movements. You were just about to explode with all that buildup. "Then beg." He said, smiling, sliding his tongue quickly over your lips.

"Hiromi, please. P-please... Ah-" You huffed, "I beg, I plead, I implore. I'll do w-whatever you want, just please-" You looked at him, asking for him to have you, vulnerable and raw.

There, he had it. Your defenses dropped completely, and he finally started rolling his hips against yours intently, picking up a rhythm, sending your head spiraling and instantly making you feel dizzy in that stupor. You weren't even moaning anymore - you were actively yelling, arching your back on the bed, screaming his name. His body, his warmth, his smell, his taste, his name, it was all you had in your mind right now. You were completely Hiromi drunk, as he occupied all of your senses.

Not wanting to neglect your full pleasure, he drew his hand, previously on your hip, over your aching bud, and started drawing circles over it, eager to have you come completely undone under his touch and on his cock. You were so wound up by this point that your orgasm quickly came crashing down on you like an earthquake, cracking and breaking your convulsing body under him. Higuruma leaned down to kiss you, as he felt you impossibly tightening around his length, knowing full well that he wouldn't last long like this.

Right before he could press his lips to yours, though, he felt the desperate surge in his belly, and mustered up the strength to ask, in between grunts, "can I come inside you?" You said yes, and he let go, pressing a passionate kiss on your lips, as you felt him painting your walls inside with thick strands of cum.

You were panting into his mouth, after you both came down from your respective highs. After both finally opened their eyes, you looked inside his, and the way he looked at you, so intently, made your heart throb, sending butterflies down your stomach and raising every hair on your body with electric anticipation. Your face became completely flustered in an instant, and Higuruma noticed it. 

You realized the way you reacted to him definitely wasn't the way you'd feel if you just had a crush on the man. This was something else.

"What is on your mind?" He asked, letting go of your hands, and parting your sweat gripped hair on your forehead to lay a kiss. You quivered under him, and he felt it, letting out an almost unnoticeable grunt in satisfaction.

"You." You blurted out, before you could think of anything else.

He leaned back to look at you, eyes slightly wide, and an amused expression. "What now?"

You blinked repeatedly, insecure, not because you were completely naked under his body, but because you knew what you were about to say next.

"I believe I have feelings for you, too" You answered, surprised at how you said it, so naturally. “I’m actually sure of it. I do... Have feelings for you.”

His smile widened, and he pressed his lips to yours, heart fluttering content, lingering for a moment with the taste and sensation of you.

As he parted, he chuckled, putting one of his hands on your cheek and looking the most satisfied you had ever seen him. "Well, it's nice to know I wasn't barking up the wrong tree."

This charming asshole! You thought to yourself, in a mix of happy indignation and loving heart throb.

"Now, can I actually ask you out on a date and treat you to a proper dinner, please?" He finally asked.

Oh, this man would be the death of you. He surely had it all planned out. The not-date, going to your house, putting you against the wall, having you underneath his thumb, and every little move this bastard made. The worst part was that you loved every moment of it, just to have this former lawyer wiggle his way into your heart and whirl out a confession from you. Such a lovely bastard.

You smiled back at him, planting a quick kiss on his lips. "Yes. Anytime you want, bastard. Don’t think I didn’t notice what you did."

He laughed contently, brushing his lips against your cheeks, making his way down to kiss your jawline. You mewled quietly to the searing sensation of his lips on your sensitive skin, desperate for more of that. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Higuruma answered, mischievously. 

– 

End notes:

So, this is thoroughly inspired by the song "Tactics" (and I suggest you give it a listen, please!), and I loved every second of writing this one-shot. I really hope you guys enjoyed reading it just as much. <3

[avelera]

OFMD S2 Meta - Stede's Garbage Self-Worth with regards to Ed is still unresolved

(And I'm so hyped for this plotline)

H'ok! So of all the scenes in episodes 1-3 of OFMD S2, this is the one I've been most hyped to discuss but I've been putting it off a few days so people had at least a little time to watch the new eps.

Gifs are courtesy of @ratchet from this gifset:

Hoooo BOY this is such an interesting scene to unpack! Because to me there's at least 3 levels going on here.

What Lucius hears

What the audience "hears"

What Stede literally said

Thing is, I believe when Stede says, "I'm not ready to believe that," the tone that Lucius hears and that the audience is at least 50/50 expected to hear based on the sort of cadence of the scene is, "I'm not ready to believe that Ed's best days are behind him. I'm going to change that."

But I'm not convinced that's what Stede is saying, what Rhys Darby is portraying, or what is literally on the page.

Literally, on the page, Stede says he's not ready to believe that. And given that Stede is very neurodivergent coded, Rhys is self-confessed autistic, and I believe Rhys is bringing that to his portrayal of Stede, I think we really should look at literal words as written and not just run with they're implied to say. This could be read as a declaration that Stede refuses to accept a reality where Ed's best days are behind him or the literal reading: he still can't process that Ed Teach's time with Stede Bonnet was the best Ed's life is ever going to get.

I believe this is for multiple reasons:

Stede isn't going to throw off a lifetime of low self-esteem and bullying overnight just because he's realized he's in love. Especially when the manner of realizing it (end of S1) was hurting the person he loves pretty badly by abandoning him without a word. He's determined to fix his mistakes but each step of the journey is revealing just how big of a mistake it actually was. Not exactly the stuff of sudden self-confidence and positive self-image change.

It requires a full re-write in Stede's brain of every single assumption he had about his relationship with Ed before their separation. Stede in S1, to my eyes, very much saw himself as the junior partner in the relationship. He saw Ed as taking pity on him, to some extent. He felt blessed to have Ed there. It informed so much of their relationship and it especially informed him taking off when he thought his presence was an active burden on Ed. Basically, what Lucius is saying here attacks the very foundations of Stede's understanding of the happiest part of his life so far. To learn that Ed wasn't just the happiest part of his life, but that he, Stede Bonnet, was the happiest part of Ed's life? Whew. Fuck. Not good. Very not good.

Because it's really not good if he was the happiest part of Ed's life, that he so fundamentally misunderstood their dynamic because of his low self-esteem, that he ended the happiest period of Ed's life without warning, without a note, prematurely, and left Ed with the inescapable conclusion that Stede doesn't care about him.

I think worse, even worse, is that Stede has evidence that Lucius is right that he was the best part of Ed's life. But in S1, we're heavily in Stede's POV and Stede's POV of himself is that he's a joke, pathetic, garbage, lucky to have someone like Ed in his life. But Ed's literal actions, louder than words, are that he chose Stede. He gave up piracy for him. He stayed by him. He offered his life for Stede's. Stede wasn't ready to hear that then, he couldn't hear it over the sound of his own low self-esteem whispering poison in his ear, externalized by the Badmintons (both real and imagined). He took their words as fact, rather than Ed's actions as fact. Reexamining Ed's actions shows just how wrong they were. Just how wrong Stede was. And just how badly he hurt Ed because he didn't listen to Ed, the person he loves, over the voices of his own trauma, self-doubt, or of the Badmintons, people who literally hated Stede.

It's a lot. It's a lot for Stede to take in. He's not there yet. But I love that we've had it said aloud: this is a major plot point still. Stede's end-of-S1 glow-up didn't signal that he's self-confident now enough to realize he might be as good for Ed as Ed is for him. He's still grappling with that. It shatters him to even begin to realize this. They have to work through that still. Stede is ready to start listening but he still doesn't, can't literally can't, believe it just yet. It's just too big.

And I am absolutely salivating to see how the rest of the season deals with this thread.

[shorlinesorrows]

okay, a couple things on alien stage/ivantill that I think some folks maybe need to consider and internalize.

Till does not "need" to return Ivan's feelings in the slightest if he doesn't feel that way. It's heart wrenching to see Ivan love him and have those feelings unreturned, but please remember that no one is required to return romantic feelings for someone else. You can't make yourself love someone, and you shouldn't. Especially out of guilt or obligation. That's Unhealthy 101, and would only set a relationship up for failure. (I do think Till cared about Ivan, and that he's going to have a Guilt Complex based on the fact that he didn't fully notice Ivan's feelings/care toward him until the guy died, but I've seen a couple of people tear into Till for not noticing/reciprocating Ivan's feelings??? Don't do that??? their situation is shitty, the fact that they didn't get to talk is shitty, but please don't blame Till for things he Can't Control.)

The kiss was not consensual. It wasn't meant to be portrayed as such. It wasn't even really romantic, it was a desperate, selfish act that Ivan used to get Till's attention (in more ways than one) and to give himself some sense of closure before he died. It was him saying everything that he felt at once, with no chance for Till to reciprocate or deny the affection. In a perfect world, they could have talked instead of this, maybe kissed knowing both wanted it, or given Till a chance to refuse. But they're both in the middle of an essential death tournament and one of them is going to be murdered sometime in the next few minutes. Neither of them really wants to live, but Ivan feels he has unfinished business before his sacrifice, so he finishes it. Their situation sucks. That doesn't mean the kiss was consensual. (especially considering the theory/implication that Till was/is being sexually assaulted by aliens, I wouldn't be surprised if this affects him badly in the future, for multiple reasons. Everyone should always get the chance to say "no" and have that fully respected. This also extends to the fact that Ivan died for Till without giving him a chance to stop it, which is probably going to mess with Till's head a lot. Then again, Ivan likely didn't think it would affect Till much because as far as he/we know, the feelings aren't reciprocated in this moment in canon, or are extremely repressed. Ivan might believe that Till simply hates him, or the kiss/subsequent "choking" may have been a way of trying to make Till hate him so that his death wouldn't hurt as much. Of course that thinking is flawed, because it would hurt Till no matter what, but still, it makes me sad)

Ivan... is kinda messed up. I adore him, but we've got to acknowledge that he has little to no emotional and relationship maturity due to the fact that he was quite literally raised as a pet and learned at a young age to do whatever his masters said to keep himself safe and pain-free. His fascination with Till appears to largely stem from Till's sense of rebellion. Ivan's examples of relationship dynamics and what constitutes as "love" is dangerously unbalanced, and he does not know how to build a healthy relationship. (Neither of them do.) This is also built onto the fact that the person he became dependent on only paid attention to him when they were fighting or Ivan was annoying him. Ivan cares about Till desperately, but he is also dangerously reliant on him to the point of self-detriment. Again, in an ideal world, they would be able to get out of this situation and gradually make a healthy relationship/friendship (depending on Till's feelings) over time while starting to undo the dangerous relationship patterns that they fell into when they didn't have any way to know better. But they're in a terrible situation, and Ivan really just doesn't get the chance to grow as a person and realize that his sense of possessiveness and reliance on Till's attention isn't healthy.

Basically, their situation makes me want to sob and its heart wrenching. Their circumstances have set them up for failure. Both of them are in the midst of attempting to survive an abusive situation and massive amounts of dehumanization. I beg, please try not to sanitize their complicated relationship or blame either of them for the pain the other is going through. I've seen some of that going around, and it's making me sad :(

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

My memory is terrible so I wanted to do a breakdown of my stuff every once in a while. Might be monthly, might be whenever I feel like it. And also. Spoilers and opinions below, read at your own risk.

QL - Currently Watching

🇯🇵I Hear the Sunspot [1/12] - I'm so grateful that I get a new jbl just as I'm mourning the end of the last one. I didn't read this manga but I've watched the film, and I really liked it even if it felt unfinished. Hopefully with 12 episodes it means we get the full story. This was a very good first episode, I feel like we established the main relationships dynamics and got a good insight into the main characters core. Taichi is my new child.

🇹🇭 Knock Knock, Boys! [6/12] - I continue to enjoy this group. Jane turned out to be a great addition instead of what I feared, but Peak really needs to step up so I can keep rooting for him and Thanwa, cause I'm also not a huge fan of the ex coming back as an obstacle for the couple. Latte and Almond are really great together and I'm curious how Almond will deal with his feelings for Latte, when he actually realizes he's having them.

🇹🇭Love Sea [4/12] - Before anything else, I love the ocean and I love when shows get out of the city. Also I like Mut. Now. I'm not a Mame hater. I'm a 'trauma is the only way to write deep characters' hater. I'm also a 'trauma gives you an excuse to be an asshole' hater. But most of all, I'm very much a 'love will fix you' hater. So just don't give me 3 out of 3 and it's fine. Also this last episode, all the talk about money and contracts made me feel some kind of way, although it doesn't seem to bother Mut so... And as much I like having Aya on my screen, Mook is really testing that line between cute and incredibly annoying. I'm not sure how long I'm staying with this one.

🇹🇭My Love Mix-Up! [4/12] - So... this is not good. The technical aspects of this are actually bad. Considering the number of sponsors is actually kinda incredible that it's so badly put together. The sound, the lighting, the editing, overall just... not good. Now, the rest. Look I don't want to ruin anybody's fun, so I'll keep watching this one quietly, unless something outrageous happens. But for the record, and this is all I'm gonna say, they are ruining the best parts of these characters and this story, and even if I ignore that (which I can't because it's an adaptation), it's pandering and it's a lazy attempt at recapturing the magic of msp, with a worse script and recycled material. Also I cannot believe they didn't put Atom in a trashing bag.

🇹🇭 My Stand-In [1/12] - For a number of reasons I'm waiting to binge this one. I do love watching the gifs on my dash though, pretty is pretty.

🇯🇵Ossan no Pants ga Nandatte Ii Janai ka! [9/11] - It's so good. I love them all. This last episode I was close to tears in several parts but the street proposal ended me. It's definitely one of those shows that I'm grateful that I get to watch even if I can't always find the words to talk about it. These characters have my whole heart. [everyone should be watching this and the wonderful @isaksbestpillow has made that possible with her subs. Here is the post with the latest episode. ]

🇹🇭SunsetxVibes [3/12] - It's ridiculous, it's fun, it's cute. Sun is such a simp. Man basically proposed before they were even dating. And yeah the way it started was not amazing, with the lying, but these two actually communicate about their expectations and what they're feeling which is better than a lot of shows right now. And I adore the sides.

🇹🇭The Rebound [2/12] - Everyone is gay and naked. And they play a sport of some kind.

🇹🇭The Trainee [1/12] - OffGun are back! I really liked the set up for this. It's only the first episode but I really like how they are walking the line between the comedy and the seriousness of the workplace. I love a good friend group so I'm looking forward to seeing how the relationships between all the interns grow. Poon is once again playing the silly brainless child of the pack but I don't care, I adore that kid for some reason. And next week we already got Gun crying so what's not to like?

🇹🇭 Wandee Goodday [10/12] - I already talked about my feelings regarding the last episode. I'm here for Oyei/Cher and Plakao. I love Inn and Great, they deliver with the chemistry but the DeeYak storyline is just a mess for me right now. I am also not looking forward to the inevitable redemption of the terrible parental figure.

🇹🇭 We Are [13/16] - The friendships are still great and mainly why I'm watching. I have a really good time watching those scenes. Only 3 episodes left and ChainPun continue to be the tinniest of crumbs. I don't expect much from this couple at this point and I'm a bit disappointed. FangTan are so cute and such good communicators. They are my favourites. QToey are cute. Now, Phum and Peem. Look PondPhuwin are really good at looking at each other like they're the only person in the universe. However. There's only so many times I can enjoy them staring at each other in slow mo. Once per episode oughta be enough I think. Hopefully now that they're actual boyfriends it gets a little less annoying.

QL - Finished

🇯🇵25 Ji, Akasaka de - What an incredible journey. I have to say it has been a while since a show surprised me this much, for the positive. For most of it I wasn't sure where it was gonna go or how it would end or who would be doing the running. The way they played with the show within a show was so well done. I loved the change in pov, which I always love in jbls, but it not only gave us the opportunity to see how Hayama's crush started but also we were allowed to see behind the mask that Hayama had been keeping up. Speaking of. I love him, one of my favourite characters of the year. And Komagine Kiita did an incredible job. I can't wait to watch him again when Tengu returns. If I had to say, the one thing I wish I had was more of Shirasaki's backstory. I wanted to understand better why his self-esteem got that bad. But that ending was great and honestly, I earned it.

🇵🇭Marahuyo Project - Well that was excellent. This show is beautiful. I want to hug them all and walk next to them. I really don't have the words for it right now so just go watch it. Because these characters are incredible and the visuals are stunning. All episodes here.

🇹🇭 Only Boo! - This is getting tiresome. Here it goes. Why? It was so great. They were the cutest shit and I had a smile on my face the entire episode. Even with the singing. It was wholesome and the mains delightful. And then... Heartbreak, time skip, no consequences, unearned happy ending. I mean Moo is a great character still, and Kang is the best boy, but I'm tired.

Rose Watches OJBL

Mood Indigo (2019) - I liked this one slightly better than the first. I think the visuals are stronger and there are some incredible shots throughout. The sex scenes are some of the best shot that I've ever seen. I love Kijima so even though I'm not always on board with prequels, it was great that we got more insight into him. Obviously we know this relationship was doomed from the start, and Kido has a lot to do with how we find Kijima in the beginning of The Novelist, but I can't help but feel for Kido. He is a mess that is struggling between the expectations that are on him (put there by others but also himself) and the affection and desire he feels for Kijima. And even without watching The Novelist there is always an air that this will not end well. For lack of a better phrase, it just wasn't meant to be. I'm looking forward to watching the rest of this series.

Dangerous Drugs of Sex (2020) - One of my first thoughts when I was watching this was 'we are using the word unhinged too freely'. Cause Ryoji has little competition on that score. This is not an easy watch. I really liked the way it was shot even if at times that meant my view was too narrow so I couldn't look anywhere else but the 'uglier' parts. In completely different ways they were both stuck in an uncomfortable (yeah that's not really the best word but I can't think of another) place and I could feel that throughout. I'm not sure about the ending but they look happy, so what do I know?

Other - Watched

There's a lot airing so I didn't watch much outside ql. I finished Under the Skin and rewatched a couple of things. My watchlist got longer and I have a bunch of shows that I'll hopefully tackle during my summer holiday in July. Speaking of...

There is a lot coming next month, so here is a post with all the shows that have been announced for July that I updated to include Meet You at the Blossom that was recently announced. New jbl starts tomorrow!!!!

As usual my ask box is open for questions or requests. Have a wonderful week💜

[artobotsrollout]

Hey!!! i've been seeing your Knockout posts, so i wanted to shift your focus to this face that KO makes after Starscream snaps at him in the final movie

Its small but it really speaks volume about all the shit he's had to put up with and this was his last straw

OOO YES thank you for submitting this cause you're absolutely right that his face shifted in a way that made it clear that this was the final straw.

Major Transformers: Prime and Predacons Rising spoilers. Read at your own peril.

In my opinion I honestly think that Knockout wasn't planning to knock out (heh) Starscream the way he did until Starscream told him to shut up. Based on his facial expressions I think it was a slap to the face realization moment.

His face shifts from shock/dismay at Starscream telling him to shut up, to this expression of realization.

I think it's largely bc Starscream was basically the last thing in the Decepticons that could have made him stay. Whether or not someone interprets that as friendship or Knockout being hopeful that things would be different if Starscream led is up to the viewer. I think it's a mix of both tbh. I don't know if they'd be considered full on friends but as far as we could see on screen Starscream was the last friendly face that Knockout had connection to in the Decepticons.

It also hurts a bit. Considering TfP sometimes had good theming but often had messages and themes that, in my opinion, weren't explored as well as they could have been or just weren't explored further I'm unsure if this next parallel was intentional or not. But Starscream's "Shut up you!" was said after Knockout said something kinda cheesy/punny in the evil way he does. The thing is? He used to say the cheesiest shit with Breakdown. And every time one of them started a punny line or something? The other would add to it.

In a way this moment was kind of a contrast between the two relationships. Breakdown matched his energy. I don't think Breakdown got enough screentime nor did the dynamic between Knockout and Breakdown get explored as much as it could have been but you can still get a good read on their bond. And comparing Breakdown's relationship with KO vs Starscream's it's easy to see how one lifts each other up and the other is well... rocky.

So Starscream telling him to shut up made him realize the distinct difference from his relationship with Breakdown. It basically told Knockout Imo that Starscream didn't like or care about him the way a companion should. And with that realization came the realization that he really had nothing left with the Decepticons. Not even the last person he had a semi-positive relationship with actually cared about him.

Some people think Knockout's defection was just shoved in willy nilly but, in my opinion, as far as side switching goes, Knockout is honestly the only Decepticon that I think made sense even if it was rushed. I know some people say it was badly done which, totally fair. Though I would have loved to see more buildup and a sort of, episode to remind viewers how shitty he was treated so his defection felt more natural plus more bonding with Breakdown to give us a better sense that they were close, Knockout's defection honestly? Made sense if you thought about it.

Enough shitty stuff happened to him bc of being in the Decepticons, add to the fact that with Breakdown gone he was now entirely alone to warrant a side change. And from the get go he never seemed particularly loyal to the Decepticons as a whole. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Knockout joined the Decepticons for the ✨ aesthetic ✨/hj. He's already shown a tendency to enjoy roaming and doing his own thing. So him ditching when there's nothing left worth staying for? Very in character I think.

I wish it got more attention than just a brief plot point in Predacons Rising but like, TfP had been cancelled so I kinda get it.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Love Sea - final thoughts

This one took me a while to write. I kept falling into defensiveness around some of the complaints I've seen about the show, and I just don't think that's healthy. I think it's more indicative of the real-life stress I have going on at the moment than anything else. But in the end I am here because of what I love, not what I hate, and I want to keep that part of myself nourished.

So here's what I loved:

Fort and Peat. They were flipping perfect for these roles, and I feel like their acting skills have noticeably leveled up. Especially Fort, who had this intensity-under-the-surface thing going on that really packed a punch. There were a lot of layers to many of their scenes, and I connected with the underlying emotions really well. Also hella good chemistry.

Loved Mut, so, so much. Part of what I love about romance is the fantasy, and he was an incredible fantasy. And I know I'm not alone, because my Mut thighs post is one of my most popular in months, you thirsty people you.

The themes around love and fear were very compelling to me. The way abuse dynamics can alter the pathways of your brain is horrifying, and this show didn't shy away from that. It also didn't pretend that things can be fixed overnight, or that someone can "save" you. Love can help, love can support, but in the end you have to make the choice for yourself.

Even though Mut was a fantasy love, he still got to have needs, and the show acknowledged it couldn't be a real relationship in the end without Rak doing the work to give more.

I liked the side characters. Meena was just precious, and her bonding with Uncle Mut was delightful. I struggled a bit with Vi from time to time, but in the end her authentic friendship and support for Rak made all the difference in his life, and I love seeing platonic love get such importance. And Mook was such a little sweetie. She's out there representing those of us who give too much of ourselves and have trouble asking for what we need.

Honestly, my only real complaint is that we didn't get any resolution to the ViMook situation. I assume they're saving it for the special episode, which I don't really like - at least have Vi apologize or something to wrap up the main story. Vi showed herself to be a very emotionally intelligent character, so I am still hoping we get her having a realization about how badly she's been fucking up with Mook thus far.

Ok, I am going to say one thing about some of the complaints - regarding some of the vitriol around Mook and calling her various forms of "annoying". I just want to caution that it's good to be aware of how and when we use words like that. I've seen a lot of that kind of language aimed towards women of East Asian culture of late (in multiple shows, not just this one). Also - reminder that there are real life people watching you say these things who have qualities in common with those characters. And they notice.

[everythingblackblack]

You know how the first KID called himself Shinichi's younger brother (courtesy of Yuusaku reading 1412 wrong after Shinichi was born)? In a world where they aren't related how do you imagine this impacting KaiShin dynamics?

I had the funny thought of Conan scolding Touichi as the elder brother for being a bad adult.

My girlfriend and I have a whole au about this.

Well, specifically Kaito and Shinichi meeting each other as children, in that au Shinichi and Toichi get along very badly. I like to think of it as the AU where a 40 year old man with a single mother complex has a rivalry with a weird 5 year old boy. But back to your question...

Well, let's imagine Shinichi asked Yuusaku about the brother thing, knowing Yuusaku he would say something like:

"Oh yeah, you have a very troublesome little brother."

Shinichi is perfectly fine with the idea, he likes being an older brother, however, this makes him start asking Yuusaku a lot of questions.

Shinichi is smart, but he's still young, so he assumes that "he's the older brother, because the other young man came later into his parents' lives", he assumes that his "younger brother" is adopted, and the reason he doesn't live with them is because the "younger brother" must be 17 or something (he'll be going to college soon, he assumes). Shinichi only accepts this fact because his parents are weird, something he confirms over the years.

He keeps the memory of “having a younger brother” deep in his mind. And he doesn't remember it at all until, years later, he realizes who his “younger brother” really is and discovers that his deduction was wrong.

But because he finds the fact funny, in the next heist he attends, he calls Kaito his “younger brother”, and Kaito takes it as a funny joke but is confused.

“Apparently, it's something your predecessor had with my father.”

“I see, I had no idea about that, I assume my predecessor called you that way because your father was the one who named 1412 right?”

“Yes, although I thought your predecessor would tell you.”

In a moment of confidence, Kaito dares to reveal a secret.

“I wasn't supposed to take his place.”

Shinichi certainly never thought about KID's predecessor until that funny coincidence happened, but he also didn't expect this revelation, which started to make everything even stranger.

"What do you mean by that?"

"The world works in very curious ways, but you know that better than me, don't you? Little detective."

This only makes Shinichi have doubts about why KID steals.

That "I wasn't supposed to take his place" thing haunts him and brings up questions, like, "What happened to KID's predecessor? Why was there an 8-year hiatus? Was someone other than the KID he knows and (loves) going to be the new KID? Why did (his) KID have to take his place if that was the case? Does KID even want to be KID? So they would never have met if he never became KID?" The last two thoughts make him want to investigate.

He needs information, so he decides he first has to find out who KID's predecessor is. He searches for skilled magicians from 8 years ago and comes across Kuroba Toichi, who is deceased and then finds out that he was married and had a son, a son who is almost his age.

It's not hard to figure out who the current KID is.

Neither is it hard to figure out that KID isn't looking for something, but for someone.

Finding out that KID is actually seeking revenge gave him clarity and concern. While KID has never killed or seriously injured anyone, “What about them? With the people who killed his father, he might not be so forgiving.”

Shinichi doesn’t have the full picture, so he has to ask KID. It’s risky, but the next time they meet and are alone, Shinichi calls him “Kuroba Kaito,” KID simply laughs and says, “Is that supposed to mean something?” Shinichi continues and replies, “I know why you steal.”

“Well, what’s your theory?”

“It’s not a theory, you want revenge.”

“Have you told anyone about your theory yet?”

“No, I want you to tell me what you’re planning.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“…”

“Please tell me.”

“Aren’t you going to threaten me with arrest?”

"You'll disappear if I do."

"I'm not going to stop you… unless you're planning on killing someone."

KID laughs, this doesn't seem funny to Shinichi, who is genuinely worried, there are people who kill for revenge. He doesn't want KID to end up like that!

"Oh, don't look at me like that, I'm not making fun of you, anyway, you don't have to worry, I'm not going to kill anyone, I've never had that desire, but you're not wrong, I'm looking for revenge."

All this text, to say that I think that if Shinichi had a clue about Kaito's reasons for stealing he would probably be more understanding of him (and he would be very worried, I mean, the mysterious and nice guy he sees once a month and who has mostly only provided him with help could be planning a murder). He doesn't want KID to be another criminal.

Anyway, I think that Kaito noticing Shinichi's good will would lead him to open up to him, telling him the truth, although omitting details: "that he is looking for a jewel to destroy it, because the people who killed his father want it, and that is his way of revenge" and perhaps more explicitly how "he feels he has to do this, because he never got over his father's death and hopes that this will help him move on."

Shinichi offers to help, and in the middle of the way, as they get closer, he realizes a somewhat dark truth.

Kaito's father never died.

Maybe it's because of the way Kaito talked, so melancholic, so happy, with so much adoration, that something inside him twists every time he's mentioned.

And of course, he can't help but yell at him the first time he sees him. Kaito has to hold him down so he doesn't punch him in the face.

"Shinichi, stop, you're going to hurt yourself!"

"Okay, okay, I'll calm down…"

Once Kaito lets go, Shinichi lunges at Toichi again.

"No, Shinichi…!"

Lmao, I'm amused to think of Shinichi being angrier than Kaito himself for that. And god, sorry for all the text, I just started typing it.

[yandere--stuck]

I just read your yandere bulkhead and it gave me an idea.(This is all platonic btw)

What if, after a little while, the autobots get attached to the kids, so much so that they start seeing them as their sparklings.

They slowly make more adjustments for them at the base. Then they start getting more protective of them. All the sudden the autobots are hesitant to let the kids leave more and more. They start pushing away from Fowler and June. And finally, the autobots refuse to let the kids outside of their care because in their mind they are just sparklings.

This could work with or without reader, and it can be a big oneshot or a full on story. It's really your choice.

Basically all together it's platonic yandere autobots.

REAL REAL REAL SO REAL I LOVE FAMILIAL/PLATONIC YANDERES. Clawing the walls of my enclosure rn

I've thought about this so much watching tfp THEY'RE FAMILY. They love their kids ;w;

This isn't a straight up fic just spouting ideas I've had because so I hope you enjoy anyway! ^^;

---

No Cybertronian was left unaffected by the pain of war. Friends, family, allies… All of Team Prime had lost at least someone to the horrors of war. Who wouldn't be changed by that? Who wouldn't become invested in the little family of allies they'd made? Who wouldn't want to protect and care for these kids? These kids they've grown to know and love and want to protect so badly? Is that not what family is?

It started off slow. Just the bots getting closer and a bit more affectionate with their charges. Bulk picking up the kids to (carefully!) hug them. Extra hugs and hair-ruffles from Arcee. The 'bots working in 'I love you's to their goodbyes or goodnights. 

They'd be smart enough to keep up a facade about their intentions around Fowler, but it's much harder with June. She won't allow Jack to stay over or stay longer than usual, and is hesitant about letting Rafael and Miko stay, too. June argues that the kids miss too much school already because of this, not to mention Jack flaking on his shifts! But, she just won't listen to reason! The autobots can learn human curriculum to teach them! And Jack was so young, why did he need a job? Sounds like *someone* isn't good enough at providing for their young. They don't want to hurt June, just… Turn over custody of Jack and allow them to do the same with Raf and Miko without contacting the families or police or Fowler!

They'll get a consistent supply of food and drink, beds, books and games, more comfortable pieces of furniture for organics... The children take it in stride and are excited and thankful. Just as Optimus predicted.

With the trap set, the kids alone, Fowler distracted, and June secretly locked up within the base until she would come around, they're locked in. They don't even realize anything wrong until they asked to be dropped off at home, only to be met by refusal. Stern explanations and consoling reassurance.

But the kids are anything if not crafty, and will likely put their heads together to come up with a plan. Jack would be their man on the inside, so to speak. Pretend to go along with the Autobots' wishes and accept them as family until he gets enough freedom or the opportunity to call for help or make a break for it. Because as smart as the Autobots were, they were obvious. 

Even Optimus.

It was obvious that Jack was the favorite. Why else was he given the key to Vector Sigma? 

"The prodigal son," as Miko put it.

It was easy for Jack to lean into Arcee as his mom. Because he'd be lying if he didn't see Arcee as a maternal figure, yeah, but he already had a mom. He had the dynamic down. But what was hard was being alone with Optimus.

Optimus gently held Jack in his hands, telling him how overjoyed he was that Jack saw him as a father. That he adored him, his son. That there's nothing Optimus wouldn't do for him. And Jack breaks. He cries. He let's Optimus hold and soothe him as he cries, asking his Dad why he left and pleading with him to never leave again, and at some point Jack couldn't tell whether his words were directed to a metaphorical father he never met or Optimus. 

Either way, he couldn't bring himself to continue the plan. He was sorry, but he hoped Miko and Raf would understand.

Miko is Bulkhead's sparkling. There is no question. Don't get him wrong, he loves Jack and Raf, too! All of them are the team's sparklings, after all. But, Miko is special to Bulk. He wants nothing more than for her to ditch her host family and realize her so-called 'actual' family clearly didn't care for her enough to want her around! But, Bulkhead did. He loved her. And he'd do anything for Miko if she'd just call him Dad.

Rafael couldn't have known, but it was probably a bad idea to tell Ratchet about his large family and how loud and busy it is at home, now the medic is using it as a reason to keep Raf at base. Rafael's 'family', if he could even call them that, clearly didn't care about him enough to know where he went at all hours of the day, so they likely wouldn't notice if Rafael stayed there permanently - and more importantly, with those that actually loved and cared for him. His real family.

While Ratchet is probably the most stern out of the kids' caretakers, he's also the most likely to coddle and baby them. Because by the AllSpark, the eldest of them had only come into existence sixteen years ago! Compared to Cybertronian lifespans, their human sparklings were nothing more than infants! 

He loves picking up the kids and carrying them around, held up against his chestplates like he did with his child and grandchildren, but unfortunately Rafael is the only one who consistently allows him to do so.

—

If the team is able to convince themselves that the kids are their biological-sparklings somehow (separation after incubation? Maybe crashing onto Earth in pods and taking on human altforms to survive?), they are quick to turn on June, especially Arcee. How could she call herself Jack's carrier? Jack was Arcee's kid!

Arcee would be incredibly apologetic to Jack, even as he tried to make her see reason. How could she have been so stupid? How couldn't she recognize her own sparkling right in front of her? She'd lost so many… She couldn't lose him, too.

Bulkhead would assert that he and Wheeljack were Miko's carrier and sire (not necessarily respectively). He'd have to catch Jackie up to speed, but Bulkhead was sure Wheeljack would come to remember the child they almost lost. He'd have to.

He knew Miko would be mad for a long while, but it was only because she didn't understand and didn't realize that they were really family. She'd come around and things would go back to normal - better than normal. He'd hold and hug her often, for as long as she allowed before she starts kicking and squirming. 

It hurt seeing her angry at him. It hurt so deep when she shouted that she hated him. But it made it all worth it when she finally broke down into tears, realizing that Bulkhead did care about her. No matter how bad it got. He wouldn't throw her away. Bulkhead was more of a Dad than her actual father. Maybe going along with things would just be easier. Less sad.

Ratchet claimed Rafael as a grandchild. He thought he lost his child and all her sparklings, but… No. No, one managed to escape whole in protoform, somehow. And that was his dearest Rafael. Something about the look in his eyes and the rusted color of his hair… His spark still aches from the pain he'd brought unto him, before Ratchet knew. How he had nearly failed him. Had almost lost the last of his family. How could he have been so blind?

But, no. Not anymore. Not ever again.

Ratchet would somehow be even more coddling than if he thought the kids were completely human. Would try to scruff them, hold them while bundled up in blankets they had snatched, never allowing them to be out of his sight when under his sole care.

I think Bumblebee would either side with the kids or just be so glad that Raf and the others wouldn't be leaving again that he wouldn't want to help. It's like Rafael said, they're family. Brothers, right? Family doesn't leave each other behind.

Optimus is definitely the most restrained out of the Autobots, but still as endlessly loving. They are not just the hope for their people,  but for him and his friends, as well. Optimus thanked his lucky stars every day that he somehow stumbled upon their sparklings and their family could be reunited.

At least, that's what he'd think when he's able to keep away bouts of regret and lucidity.

[riddlerosehearts]

there's so many things i love about the twst anthology manga. it's honestly more fun to me as a fan of the game than the regular manga is, because as much as i love seeing how they adapt the scenes from the game and the little things they add (like getting to see baby riddle, trey, and chenya hanging out 🥺), the anthology is essentially like... extra vignettes, in manga form. some chapters are expansions of the vignettes from the game, but most of it is totally new, and sometimes it provides really neat bits of character exploration?

like, in one of my favorite chapters from the first volume. actually, i'm mainly only posting this as an excuse to talk about this chapter, "a blessing on our unbirthday":

in that chapter, riddle has been so worried about trying not to crack down as hard on rule violations that he ends up exhausted because he lost sleep over it! he says he's worried that that tendency of his might be ingrained in him for good, and it just breaks my heart thinking about how he so deeply wants to break the cycle and shed the excessive strictness and perfectionism that his mother instilled in him, but it's so hard. it's hard to have your worldview challenged so suddenly, to realize overnight that you've been doing things so wrong for such a long time and that all you can do now is try your best to change and improve. it's hard to know that you've hurt people when you never meant to, when you genuinely thought what you were doing was right. it must be especially hard when you're just a teenager who was doing what your parents have been teaching you to do since you were a small child. of course riddle is losing sleep.

but while he's walking through the hallway, thinking about how exhausted he is and how worried he still is, ace shows up. they banter a bit, but then ace very quickly realizes that riddle isn't feeling well and picks up on the fact that he's pushing himself too hard. he tells riddle to slow down and relax, and hilariously tries to manipulate him into deciding to hold an unbirthday party by going on about how maybe they should just have one without him and break a ton of rules while he's not there.

this makes riddle angry, of course, and results in him mentally beating himself up for almost losing his temper. :( but what ace is trying to do works! riddle instinctively gets riled up at his words, angrily reprimands him a bit, and nearly uses his unique magic on him... but ace cuts him off mid-sentence, which throws him off so that he doesn't use it. and then, in his inner thoughts, while he is panicking and sweating and getting upset with himself, he's also managed to stop before he made a big mistake, and now has a chance to reflect and acknowledge that mistake. he knows that it would've been irrational and wrong of him to collar ace just for saying that he might break a few rules.

and all of that is already really important and shows a lot of growth on his part! but then ace responds by telling him he's being too hard on himself and that it's okay to take small steps instead of trying to completely change right away, and riddle is instantly relieved and settles on trying to make everything perfect for the party. before, when ace first proposed the idea, he'd seemed uninterested and like he didn't realize just how badly he needed to take his mind off things. but this time he listens, and understands that ace just might be right, and the story ends on a very fun and sweet note.

and it's just so good. riddle has such great dynamics with each of his dormmates, and i love seeing how his relationship with ace has grown. i really hate when people get mad at ace for demanding a tart and a party at the end of book 1, because riddle treated ace in particular horribly and needed to be held accountable for it. he really could've asked for far more from riddle or still not forgiven him considering that riddle, like, actually could have killed him while overblotted. and i also really hate when people characterize riddle as still being constantly angry after book 1, and/or don't acknowledge everything he did at the end of book 1 to try and apologize for his actions and make an effort to change. he's one of the only overblotters to actually verbally apologize, and i should also add that he did what ace asked of him without question... and had a good time with it, because he likes tarts and parties! i think it's notable how at the end of book 1, riddle had literally just expressed that he had wanted to eat the tart ace made for him and hang out with his friends, so ace basically asked him to do exactly that along with having to do the hard work that would be involved in it.

and now, they're genuine friends. they've allowed themselves to start over with a clean slate, and in this anthology chapter we see that ace can comfort riddle and have fun with him without holding the past against him, and once again is helping him out of a rough spot by convincing him to have a party. i just love it, i love what this chapter says about riddle and what it says about him and ace. i really hope we get a third volume of the anthology someday, with group art of the third years on it since the first two volumes have the first and second years on them:

and i hope they get officially released in english someday too because i would really love to be able to own them.

[allastoredeer]

I honestly feel the same when it comes to fics with top Lucifer, I want that bias and anger he has towards sinners. It makes the RadioApple feel like, “ugh he’s the worst kind but I want him” lol. I want to see an exploration of that, especially when it brings not only conflict with Alastor but with the other members of the hotel.

Like what if let’s say Angel Dust starts to open up about his experiences and Lucifer makes an upsetting/insensitive comment that’s offensive or something. This could also put him in hot water with Charlie, especially since her dad is insulting her friends.

Me personally I like switch or don’t mind who’s topping/bottoming because I enjoy the top Alastor bottom Lucifer\top Lucifer bottom Alastor dynamics, because of how talented and creative the author/artists are. It’s basically the two cakes meme situation for me.

However I’ve been craving to read a bad guy/jerk Lucifer fic, like there’s a lot of Alastor in the villain roles but not Lucifer 😔 Lucifer is the strongest being in hell, so having him as a antagonistic role would be so cool, cause how you able to defeat a being like that especially if they are obsessed with you?

EXACTLY!!

I love top!Lucifer with bottom!Alastor, and the added bonus of Lucifer having to come to terms with developing feelings for a Sinner makes it so, so good. Alastor isn't the only one struggling through his own thoughts, bias's, and insecurities.

We already know Lucifer is chock-full of all of those, and I wanna SEE IT. I can see Lucifer making a casual making an insensitive comment. I mean, in the "Dad Beat Dad" episode, he met Angel, Sir Pentious, Husk, and Niffty Charlie's hotel, they didn't do anything to garner any immediate distaste (except maybe Niffty being her creepy lil self LOL), but he still grouped them in his comment that "all Sinners are bad and irdeemable."

I can see him making comments like that, where he casually lumps the Hazbin crew Sinners with all Sinners when he's talking about them negatively. He may not realize he's doing it, but he's doing it all the same, and it can be hurtful.

Haha I'm glad you enjoy both cakes XD May your feast be never ending 🙏

Gosh, I want a bad guy/jerk Lucifer fic SO badly. You're right that Alastor is the one who usually gets the villain role, which is just...eh.

I mean, he's already made out to be this evil, maniacal, untouchable guy in the show, for the most part. I like it when fics go in the exact opposite direction and lean into his human side. The parts of him that he tries to keep hidden away, but they still bubble to the surface over time, and everyone (him included) is given the startling reminder that he was once, indeed, human.

I do have an idea for a radioapple fic that includes a dark and obsessive Lucifer, it's just a matter of getting around to it T.T