#didn't play as much as I would like bc body hates me once again

[zoekrystall]

Wrote smth when I got it then deleted but now for real but also shorter and not sleep deprived written (pics are from that day)

Got a (weeks) early bday gift for myself bc asked if I get cash from my mom on it which makes this a net zero purchase. I finally have fashion dreamer! Nice game but I get the criticism I got some myself. It's so nice to get lookits,,,

This one is prob my fav so far. Light blue supremacy (the skirt is such a nice shade of it) plus leather jacket and the whole fit is just smth I adore.

Ty for the first lookit I got bc it gave me one of my fav things which are black boots, plus it looks nice.

Honestly idc if a lookit fits the criteria (color wise or style wise which I got as light blue and cool) I appreciate all and send a thanks n like to all of em.

I also got a muse w the other body type but I adore fem fits the most and sadly a lot is locked which sucks.

[lonely-cowboy]

without you

pairing: connor (rk800) x gn!reader

summary: it's been almost three days since you last saw connor. with the ongoing revolution, you're concerned about his whereabouts. and if you'll ever see him again.

word count: 1.9k

warnings: occasional cursing but that's it

author's note: let me paint a little picture for y'all. it's currently 1am and i'm sitting on the couch in the dark sobbing like a baby bc i just finished my very first playthrough of dbh and didn't even realize i was near the end and i hate that it's over (i'm just gonna play again). anyway! my solution to stop (worsen) my sad lonely thoughts was to write this! yippee! healthy coping!

masterlist ⟡ requests

You were never a fan of staying home all day and lounging around in your pajamas doing absolutely nothing. You felt unproductive, like you were wasting time. And if there was one thing you hated more than anything, it was wasting time.

But– like anything– there were some exceptions. The most common exceptions were the days after an intense investigation, mostly those involving considerable physical exertion (which really just meant any form of running). Those days, your body was so unbelievably sore that it was almost necessary for you to stay in bed and do nothing all day. Besides that, the only other exception was the occasional rainy day. 

And now. Now was an exception too.

It was nearing three days since you had last seen Connor. Usually, that wouldn’t have bothered you. Three days was nothing. It was always possible that the two of you were just far too overwhelmed with work to see each other. But with the rising android revolution that threatened Connor’s life– and that of any android– you immediately assumed the worst.

Huddled on your couch, you stared blankly at the muted television as it flashed between news stations. You weren’t really paying attention anymore, too consumed by thoughts of Connor. You pulled your blanket tighter around your shoulders, eyebrows furrowing with concern.

Truthfully, you hadn’t known Connor that long. Sure, you worked with him frequently to investigate the sudden rise in deviants, but in the grand scheme of things, it felt like you had just met him. Of course, that didn’t stop Connor from burrowing his way into your heart with those soft doe eyes and that gentle, slightly confused smile. You had a soft spot for him now, so it was perfectly reasonable that you couldn’t help but worry for his safety. 

You released a heavy sigh as you turned off the television, trying to shake away any negative thoughts. With narrowed eyes, you glanced at the other end of the couch where Hank had been sitting almost three hours ago. He had been checking in on you frequently the last few days to make sure you were– at the very least– living, though he would never admit it. Whenever he did stop by, it was always because he “forgot his jacket” or “couldn’t watch the Detroit Gears game at home.” Whatever lame excuse he came up with, it was always intended to ensure you were okay. 

Today’s lame excuse was that he ran out of beer and didn’t want to go to the store during such a “crazy fucking time.” That ended with the two of you sitting in silence on your couch, watching the television for any sign that Connor might be okay. In your book, that just meant he wasn’t dead.

But eventually, Hank had been pulled away to the precinct for whatever reason. He promised he’d make it short. He was reluctant to go anyway, so he wouldn’t be gone long. Three hours felt pretty fucking long to you.

You pursed your lips worriedly, forgetting Connor for a moment as your mind was now focused on Hank’s safety. What if he somehow got himself tangled up in this revolution? What if he managed to get caught in some wild crossfire with no means of telling you?

No, that was crazy. You were being irrational. Surely he just decided to brave going to the store to get some more beer once he left the precinct, right? That made so much sense. Obviously, he was outside your apartment building right now struggling to get in because he didn’t have a key and was too preoccupied carrying his mountains of beer. Obviously…

Without thinking, you scurried into your closet and pulled on your warmest clothes. You threw your thickest jacket over your pajamas, not bothering to hide your snowflake pajama pants. You pulled on your shoes and a beanie, ignoring the way it matted your hair. Then, you were out the door and rushing downstairs with the belief that you could miraculously manifest Hank’s presence.

There was no other explanation. You were blessed with some magical powers that you were yet to understand because as you marched into the snow, Hank suddenly appeared. You didn’t stop until you were jabbing a finger into his chest, glaring up at his towering figure.

“What is wrong with you?” you seethed. “You can’t just leave like that!”

Hank sighed with what sounded like irritation, though you knew he could never be irritated with you. He raised his hands in mock surrender as he grumbled, “Sorry, kid, I–”

“Oh, no, no, no! I’m not done!” you growled, choosing to ignore that maybe you were being a little overdramatic. What’s life without a little drama anyway? “You had me fucking worried, Hank! I’m already worried sick about Connor, I don’t have the energy to worry about both of you!”

Hank said your name in an attempt to stop you, but it was no use. Now that you had an outlet to channel your jumble of emotions, you were going to let them all out.

“I mean, you’ve seen me, Hank! I can barely get out of bed because of that goddamn android!” you shouted. “His safety is the only thing on my–”

Hank rolled his eyes as he grumbled something about how he was “tired of this shit” that didn’t involve him. That only seemed to fuel your fire, the crease between your brows deepening with anger and worry. You opened your mouth again to yell at Hank as he stepped aside, but you quickly shut it once you noticed the figure standing bashfully behind him.  

Connor stood a few feet away having clearly been told to stay put once Hank saw your angry self storming out of the apartment building. His hands were clasped neatly behind his back, standing tall against the harsh winter winds. His eyes were already on you, watching you with a warm glint. When you met his gaze, the corners of his lips turned upwards into a small, unsure smile. 

Compared to him, you were sure you looked absolutely stupid. No, no matter what you looked completely stupid. You stared at Connor with absurdly wide eyes, mouth opening and closing like a confused fish. You were so baffled by his appearance that you couldn’t even move, no wonder the poor man was confused. All this while wearing your stupid fucking snowflake pajamas.

Neither of you made any effort to close the uncomfortable distance between the two of you. You were thankful that Hank managed to find his way back into your apartment building because you would be a doubly flustered mess if he saw how awkward the two of you were. At least Connor made some effort to communicate. He raised a hand in an awkward wave, his soft voice barely heard over the din of the wind. 

“Hello.”

Your feet were moving before your brain could catch up. You sprinted towards Connor– though it was more of a fast waddle if anything– and pulled him into a tight hug. A heavy sigh of relief left your lips as you felt his firm body against you, inhaling his scent slowly. He was real.

You squeezed him a little tighter, burying your head into his chest. It was as if you didn’t want to let him go, and truthfully, you didn’t. You couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing him again.

Connor’s arms wrapped lightly around your body. He leaned into your touch, relaxing in your arms with a comforted grin. Until you, he had no idea what it was like to be cared for. Perhaps the greatest gift of consciousness was your affection.

Connor murmured your name in a quiet rasp, his lips moving against your hair. He reared back to catch your eyes, but you refused to let him. You just held him closer and allowed yourself to calm in his presence. When you finally did pull away, you glanced at him with a confusing look of joy, sadness, and anger.

“I didn’t think you were ever coming back,” you mumbled, letting the words spill out. “I was so scared… Connor, I… God, I missed you…”

There was a beat of silence as Connor’s LED spiraled yellow, his head tilted to the slightest degree. It seemed as if he was struggling to find the right words out.

“I…,” Connor started hoarsely. “I think… I missed you too.”

Despite the whirlwind of emotions you felt, you couldn’t help but laugh at Connor’s words. A small smile traced your lips as you studied him with furrowed brows.

“You think?” you repeated with another quiet laugh, your breath pluming in the cold air.

Connor paused again, his LED flashing yellow once more. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it as he considered his words a moment longer. He was looking into the distance, but when he glanced back down to you it was as if all the right words suddenly came to him.

“I don’t know what it feels like to miss someone,” he explained softly. “But I think… I think this is what it would feel like. I felt… I don’t know… there was a tightness inside of me when I thought I would never see you again. Is that what it’s like to miss someone?”

Your grin widened as Connor spoke. A tinge of pink coated your cheeks, and you were sure it wasn’t just from the cold.

“Maybe I’m biased, but yeah, I think so,” you answered sweetly.

“Oh,” Connor muttered as he took a moment to process that information. “Then, yes. It appears I did miss you.”

Your chest felt light from the joy of having Connor back. You were so giddy, in fact, that you didn’t even think before you were leaning forward and pressing a delicate kiss to Connor’s cheek. It was only when you pulled away that you realized what you had done, your face heating with embarrassment.

You glanced at Connor worriedly and noticed the faint blue coloring along his cheeks. It almost made you laugh seeing such a confident android turned into such a poor, flustered mess. Well, you took his silence to mean his was flustered, but his silence lasted so long that you weren’t so sure anymore.

“Connor?” you asked. “You okay?”

“Yes,” Connor replied immediately. “I was searching my database for the best way to greet someone you missed.”

It was your turn to be flustered again, eyes going wide with surprise as you murmured, “Oh. And… what did you find?”

Connor’s gaze finally focused back on you, his expression neutral aside from his fading blush. The corner of his lip quirked up slightly as his eyes searched your face like he was memorizing every little detail.

“I found that the best way to convey you missed someone is by kissing them, as you’ve done to me,” he answered in his typical matter-of-fact tone. “However, whereas you kissed my cheek, I noticed that most people kiss on the lips. I’d like to do the same if that’s alright with you.”

Your stunned silence must’ve been enough of an answer for Connor because he leaned forward with a grin. His warm hands moved to hold your cheeks, fighting off the evening chill. Your hands immediately moved to rest over top his, seeking out his warmth while his soft lips moved against yours. He pulled away far too soon for your liking, but he rested his forehead against yours as he whispered sweet words against your skin. 

“I missed you too.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

author's note: i hope you enjoyed! this is my very first post ever, so i'm a little nervous! if you have any constructive (and kind) criticism, please lmk! and if you have any requests i'd love to hear those too :)

[pablitogavii]

Clingyy

"Amooooor!!! Don't go!! Porfavooorrr!" Pablo was whining while laying on the bed pulling on your waist hoping you would just give in and cuddle with him.

You planed a pool night with some of the Barça Wags awhile back and now everyone was finally back at Barcelona so you decided tonight would be a great time to hang out finally.

"Cariño, I promised them! Besides, we will cuddle all night when I get back??" you say turning around and cupping his now pouting face which looked way too adorable not to kiss.

Once your lips collided he added his tongue (look at that gif hehe) deepening the kiss and pulling you on top while you moaned. You pulled away quickly knowing exactly what he was trying to do right now, little devil!

"You're trying to bribe me to stay!" you say sitting up still straddling his lap and his hands squeezed your ass while he chuckled nodding his head trying to kiss you again but you pulled back making him fall back down in exaggeration. You just laughed it off and left to get changed.

Barça Boys Groupchat

pablitoo: i fucking hate when they go out alone!!

frenkie: me too! 😒

pepito: ikr! why can't we join too???

lewy: bc it's girls night😑

ferran: ngl i wanted mine to stay for a diff reason 😏

pepito: me too!

frenkie: same!

pablitoo: me too!

You wore your new red bikini looking for a dress when Pablo called your name form the room again. He was so clingy and you LOVED it secretly!

"Si?" you say peeking through the closet and he used his fingers to show you to move closer which you did giving him a full view of your bikini set.

Bikini you wore:

"You're not wearing that one when I'm not there amor!" he said pulling you close and placing his grabby hands on your hips massaging them slowly. You were slowly getting turned on whenever he would act all possessive like this.

"It's gonna be just us girls at the pool cariño.." you say sitting down on his lap letting his hands roam your body freely really much hating that you can't just stay right now.

"Hmm but I prefer to be the only one to see you in this one princesa.." he said kissing between your breasts and you had to pull away or you would melt into a puddle right there. Damn you Pablo!

"I have to go now Pablo or I'm going to be late" you say grabbing the dress quickly about to leave but his strong hands wrapped around you from behind trapping you there while his chin was resting on your shoulder.

"I'm not letting you go.." he groaned and you sighed playing with veins on his arm for a few minutes just letting his settle his craving to hold you thinking that would make him more reasonable.

"You want me to stay this badly.." you say feeling his head move against your neck as he nodded not saying anything but nuzzling closer into you as you smiled. He was so adorable when he got clingy like this.

"You do know I hate you for being this cute!, right!?" you say turning around in his arms and he just held you tighter afraid you will try to pull away but you didn't instead moving your hand underneath his t-shirt touching his strong abs.

"A..amor?" he groaned a little when your hand moved slowly lower and you smirked looking up at him with innocent eyes.

"Hmm you really don't want me to go...?"you say feeling his bulge against your hand and he smirks shaking his head and calling you a 'chica mala' which was always such a massive turn on..you were only his 'chica mala'.

"Fine then..let me call them and cancel" you say and he nodded starting to kiss your neck already while you dialed Mikky's number already feeling breathless. He pulled you onto the bed sitting you on his lap while you waited for an answer.

"H..hey Mikky! Sorry I can't come..ugh..t..tonight" you were struggling to talk because Pablo was already sucking on your weak spot and you were desperately trying not to moan.

"What happened sis? You feeling good?" Mikky asked and you wished you could tell her just how ;good' you were feeling right now but instead you caught your breath pushing Pablo back so he stops kissing you.

"Um..yeah! I'm fine but..Pablo..he got a fever..and so I need to stay you know" you lie seeing him smirk and move closer again whispering into your ear.

"Si..I have a fever..but only from how badly I want you right now bebé" he smirked when you hit his shoulder whispering for him to shut up while listening to what Mikky was saying on the phone.

"Well, I hope he feels better. I will see you soon! Have fun!" she said before you both hung up and you have Pablo a challenging look.

"Really!? You couldn't wait for me to lie properly..now she knows I only stayed because you can't keep your hands off me!!" you say and Pablo smirked nodding his head and pulling you back so that you were laying on top of him.

"You're the one who started touching my abs..and grabbing me down there preciosa" he said and you blushed kissing his lips feeling him flip you over and move in between your legs.

"I think we both can't keep our hands to ourselves, huh?" he said and you smile nodding your knowing it was definitely a good decision to stay with your clingyy boyfriend ;))

[chimkennuggies]

Again with the Raphael x Cazador agenda bc I'm still losing my mind over them‼️‼️‼️

Anyway, thought I'd share some headcanons bellow the cut as well:

- I just KNOW they both have hour long conversations about some play they've seen or book they've read. Their taste is similar in that aspect.

- Raphael knows about Lady Incognita's books (that's canon btw) and mentioned it to Cazador once, who instantly started ranting about how the girl didn't appreciate the "gift" (he doesn't appreciate it either if you think about all that datamined/beta stuff + how much he just wants to be "normal" BUT he is also a hypocrite sooo), also, he used to give advice to her whenever he found one of her drafts.

- In a modern setting Raphael would probably be like those annoying filmbros who doesn't stfu about some niche film they've seen and Cazador would be the same with some celtic metal group that has like 24 monthly listeners (kinda projecting in this one, I'm both).

- They would talk shit about anyone + if they go to some ball together after the first 40 minutes they'll probably end up talking only to each other.

- On the hc that both of them are trans, Cazador hasn't had any operations and isn't on t (although it's not bc he's comfortable in his own body but bc he doesn't want to have anything to do with it, he just prefers to live with an idealized version he made on his head after centuries of not seeing his reflection), Raphael is literally the opposite, he has had all the operations and has been on t since he ran away from Cania, hating the self he left behind.

- Now, some shoutouts to the fact that they're both SO AWFUL, I love them being so so toxic.

- Cazador usually doesn't like being touched and Raphael just thrives on being an asshole so he's always breaking the man's boundaries. PDA in the worst possible way.

- Cazador enjoys to compare Raphael to his father because he finds it extremely entertaining the fact that he takes it at heart and gets so offended by it (he knows how much the other has suffered because of his progenitor).

- Cazador having scars on his body from before being a vampire and Raphael biting them‼️‼️

-Raphael listening to Cazador talking shit about all of Raphael's features he despises just to make him even more insecure (let's be real, Raphael is SO fucking self-conscious, because there's no way all his paintings and Haarlep themself being so completely different to his real self is a normal trait).

- Both of them being prone to violence and fighting for every minor disagreement would make them the worst neighbors possible ngl.

- Raphael having the lower canines really really sharp while Cazador has the cuspid canines being almost razor-edged, iykyk.

Lastly, here are some songs I associate w/ them because I haven't seen any playlist include these:

Cazador:

Rule #34 - Fish in a Birdcage

Femtex - Therapy?

Never Wanted to Dance - MSI

Under the Spell - Me And That Man

Heel On The Shovel - 16 Horsepower

Raphael:

The Hell Of It - Paul Williams

Low Estate - 16 Horsepower

Nunemaker's Parable - Everybody's Worried About Owen

You're So Vain - Carly Simon

Bensonhurst Blues - Oscar Benton

An this one is just bc I find it quite funny but Mi Gran Noche from Raphael (the spanish singer) is quite iconic ngl.

[scekrex]

Another idea💕💕💕 if you want to do this thank you 🙃

Male reader x Adam were y/n died for Adam and after the extermination he starts to see y/n every where he goes but believes it is his imagination, he didn't even like y/n so why is he caring so much for a nobody that save his life for him he is straight right? But one night in his apartment he couldn't stand it and hugged the imaginary y/n and he finally felt warm and starts to cry tears of joy and sadness even though you are not real.

"I'm sorry I let you down y/n"

"Oh, there's nothing to be sorry about, Adam"

"Not all of us are cut out to be exorcists"

"I'll say"

"Adam"

"This is really for the best"

"Some shouldn't have to survive there"

"You have a good life, an easy life some envy you"

"I miss you"

"I'll always be with you, Adam, and if you ever need me I'll be there"

"Now go dear it's starting to get dark"

"Adam I love you"

"I love you too y/n..."

Hurt/comfort 💕

Okay so we know Adam would never truly admit his feelings, never. Not even in a situation like that. So I changed it up a little bit but I hope you still like it!

Goodbyes that feel like you're still in my city

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language, mentions of character death

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

He didn't know why you weren't able to leave his mind. He didn't know why he was feeling guilty for your death. Maybe because he was the reason you had died?

He did know that it was driving him insane though.

The image was burned into his memory, he could practically still feel your hands on his body, feel the force you had used to shove him out of the way to take the stab to the heart for you. Your scream of pain that had formed his name was ringing through his ears and all he could do was press his hands against them to try and mute them - to no avail. The blood that had covered your body - your own blood - was still covering his hands even though he had washed it off days ago. He still remembered what your body had felt like, how it grew colder and colder once your heart had stopped beating.

Why did he care so much about you? You had been one of many - the only qualified male in his army of females. There had been nothing special about you and yet you weren't leaving his mind ever since you had sacrificed yourself for him. That was maybe because whenever he looked at the other angels, all he could see was your face, sometimes it even felt like you were walking next to him. But that was just his mind playing tricks on him.

He turned around in his bed, his back now facing the open room. His eyes were squeezed shut and his wings had wrapped themselves around his body to hide his misery from the world. Not that anybody was seeing him, he was in his bedroom. But it felt better, to be shielded from curious eyes that weren't physically there.

His eyes slowly opened and he saw your face yet again. Not just your face though, your body was laying next to him, you looked so lifeless and yet you moved your hand to reach out and cup his cheeks, to wipe away the silent tear that he hadn't even noticed rolled down his cheek.

Fuck, why was he crying?

Because deep down he knew, none of the others would've had done what you did for him, because even when it was life or death, you chose him, chose to die for him. You had proven your loyalty once more, this time in the most final form that existed. And he hated you for it, he hated that you had died for him.

He leaned into the gentle touch, his eyes fell shut again at the warmth of your body despite it looking so pale, so lifeless and he sighed. “You fucker left me,” he mumbled, he knew no one was there to hear his words and yet he needed to get them off his chest. What he didn't expect was your soft voice to respond, “It was you and me Adam,” there was a short pause and Adam could only imagine the warm smile that must've been on your lips. “And I’m glad it was me.”

The brunette opened his sad, golden eyes yet again to look at you, “I’m fucking not, I need you to get your ass back to me.” Your smile saddened at that, knowing very well that wasn't possible. Angelic steel caused a permanent death, no matter if angel or demon. “This is for the best,” your voice was coated in sadness and your eyes were apologizing over and over again. You knew what it meant to him when someone left, you knew he struggled with that ever since what went down in Eden. “Everyone always fucking leaves,” he hissed, his eyes reflecting a mix between anger and love. “You fucking swore you'd always be there,” he sounded betrayed and on a certain level he was right with that, you did swore to always be there to have his back when you had joined the exorcists. “But I'm here, aren't I?” you spoke softly as your thumb caressed his cheek. Your touch was numbing, it made his mind shut up for a second, all the thoughts and the gruesome memories were gone ever since you had cupped his cheek. “No you're fucking Not you- you're-” he was out of words, out of breath, out of energy. You knew what he meant to say was ‘I miss you’ and ‘Come back to me’. He just wasn't the type of guy to admit it out loud, not when those words scared him the most. Commitment was something Adam didn't do, didn't admit to. And yet he wanted to commit to you and your soul, until death would do you part. But that had already happened and there was no way to fix it.

“Adam,” he liked the way you said his name, it was like he was the most beautiful creature you had ever seen, like all the love your heart held was dedicated to him. Had you ever said his name that way when you had been an angel, before you had been killed by that little demon girl? He couldn't remember. He felt like every memory that involved you was slipping from his mind except the one in which you saved his life but paid the price by offering your own. “I have to go,” his hand shot up to grab your wrist and fear was visible in his eyes. “No you fucking don't, you fucking can't, you hear me?”

The smile slipped from your lips entirely and you couldn't bear to look him in the eyes as you continued, “But I have to. I’ll be around, you won't forget me. But for now, I have to leave you.” He didn't know what that meant, all that he knew in that exact moment was that he wanted you to stay, he wanted to hold and protect, wanted to right the wrongs and shield you from the pain. But he couldn't. You had made that decision without his consent.

His eyes looked at his hand holding your wrist and he wished he could go back in time and stop you from scarifying yourself. He wished he would've been better. But he wasn't, he hadn't been and he never would be. History will repeat itself, that he knew.

“Adam?” The first man couldn't help himself, he had to look at you. “I love you,” your voice whispered, it sounded so distant all of a sudden, so far away. And your wrist was slipping from his bone crushing grip. “Fuck you,” he spat out but what he meant was ‘I love you too’. But he couldn't say that, not after you had died. He had lost yet another person he loved because of demons that were no good. They took you from him before he even had you and he hated them for it.

And then he was alone again, alone with the unbearable pain, with the thoughts that haunted his head and with the feeling of loneliness.

And that was a thing he might have hated even more than commitment.

[ura-niia]

Yknow, on a retrospective, it is interesting how the COTL fandom puts Narilamb as a devoted and hateful relationship.

In other words, I would actually love to know why we love this ship so much.

I’d love to know your point of view!

I finally have time to answer this!! I am SO GLAD that you asked.

I was extremely interested about the dynamic of this ship, you could watch it from all angles and it would still be a lovable duo; whether it be comedic, overly toxic, unrequited love/devotion, requited romance/devotion, it would still be enjoyable for everyone in the fandom. I believe that there's no bad version on how anyone portrays their relationship!

It's kinda difficult for me to see them in a light-hearted angle. Other people in the fandom have shown this kind of dynamic very well and they have all my applause.

How I portray my vision of narilamb, I still haven't fully fleshed out their story, but basically when Narinder was still a god, Lamb's devotion is for him entirely because they truly thought that The One Who Waits was their saviour and shining grace, handing them down a chance to live once more and avenge their kind. Narinder didn't pay this no mind, then plays the lamb around like a tool, speaking of honeyed words to keep the lamb up on their feet.

And by the time when Narinder told the lamb that he was just using them for his freedom and they'd just die once they surrender the crown to him, everything just came crumbling down to them. The dawning realization that there will be no hope for lamb kind, and that filled them with so much intense emotions they ended up killing Narinder along with his disciples.

Time has passed, Lamb became the new god of Death and continued to serve for their cult. Though they still pray as if there's still any other god be because that's kinda how they cope with all the change. Unaware of the forces that were trying to come back up. Narinder has used up every last drop of his divine magic to resurrect himself with the intention of killing the lamb by his hand and take the crown, but that ended up being a fail so...

Now that Narinder was in the lamb's cult, they feel obligated to watch over him. They think it's really pathetic that the former god is ultimately struggling in the mortal life. One time Narinder tried to run away from the cult and got himself in danger during it so Lamb has to swoop in to save his ass.

“It seems like that you are still in need of me." They said, but there's no smugness in the tone, it's pure disgust and malice. “You don't get to pull the strings anymore, my lord, you're under my domain now.”

I'll make this one very quick bc this is becoming long 😭 So anyway, Narinder (begrudgingly) stayed in the cult because he didn't know how to stay alive in a mortal body, and the more Lamb took care of him, the more dependent he became of them(albeit extremely pissed about that realization and acted aggressively at first then came acceptance that he's hopeless without them), the lamb was aware of this, however thought that this was just another tactic of him to get their guard down, so they pulled the strings so they wouldn't get attached again.

Soon the lamb decided to let themselves get close to him while still being wary, then suddenly became "lovers". Narinder had thought that it was the right course considering how much time they spent with eachother, though hadn't acted on romantic actions. However Lamb thinks that this is just another one of their lovers they have to deal with, so it was still very unrequited.

Then by time it became a requited relationship, unknowingly truly falling for eachother in the process. They somehow know that they're terrible for eachother, but they still work on it. Their devotion for eachother became a devotee to genuine lovers.

[enbysiriusblack]

“severus fights james and his friends because he wants to control/be with lily and he thinks james is in the way of that, even though lily just doesn't like him in that way. and james fights severus because severus is picking a fight with him/severus is bigoted. “

Hey so I was scrolling through the tl ans saw you responding to an ask. I totally agree with you that Lily is more of an important character on most of ur points. But i saw this and was genuinely wondering how you got that from the books? This is genuinely not to attack you or be rude. But I saw the canon completely differently than how you have interpreted it, and I do wonder where you get that point from? Specifically that Severus is the one starting things while James is only fighting back? And that Severus wants to control Lily?

Once again this is not me trying to be rude, and I also do not hate James. But Jkr said that James went after Severus mostly because of his connection to Lily. And in the only scene we really see, its James and Sirius going after Severus first while he was sitting under a tree by himself. I wouldn’t call two vs one a rivalry. And I wouldn’t call that Severus going after James.

Once again genuinely curious bc it seems to be a popular notion and I truly dont know where ppl are getting it from.

the moment we see james and sirius going after severus is what i meant with james pocking on severus for sirius (i mentioned that in the post)

Sirius stared around at the students milling over the grass, looking rather haughty and bored...

...'This'll liven you up, Padfoot,' Said James quietly, 'Look who it is'

James is very happily playing with his snitch, he only approaches Severus because Sirius is bored and wants something fun to do (Sirius finds fights fun- i mean he's a british teenager with family issues. it'd be surprising if he didn't find fights fun, and everyone found fights fun at school)

i didn't mean this specific scene. but, for instance, severus invented the sectumsempra curse. which is like,, very dark and torture-y. i can imagine him using it on james or his friends (without knowing how bad the spell is, like harry does with draco). i do think he wouldn't have used it knowing how bad it was, but based on being a kid/teenager with people i hate and have ongoing drama with and having drawn their gravestones and dead bodies (i also have a neighbour kid that recently did that exact thing so i'm assuming imagining the classmates you hate dying as a kid/teen is a fairly common experience), i can very much imagine severus would have made the curse with james in mind. and i think he does use a version of it in this scene, where he gashes james' face so deeply his robes splatter with blood.

also, as i said in that post, i don't think when we see people's memories, it is a completely true viewing of the past. i think it's like how memories are- biased and wavering over time. and since this is severus' memory, i wouldn't take it wholly to heart (but that is more my hc, and i don't think jkr wrote legilimency to be how actual memories work)

continuing on this actual scene (i'm reading it rn and i'm trying to focus on answering your ask but i can't help giggling at the amount of times sirius is called handsome, every line is like "sirius handsomely turned to snape", "sirius head turned, handsomely" /j) i sorts get what you mean with james picking a fight with severus because of lily, but it seems to be more for sirius' entertainment in this scene. lily asks him what severus has done to him, and james just says it's the dact he exists- which does show james doesn't really have a reason for this particular interaction, and it was purely for sirius. but he does say he'll stop if lily goes out with him- making it seem as if he is fighting with severus for lily. but i honestly think that line was more james just trying to wind her up- he knows she'll say no. james acts, during this scene, like a standup comedy act. every sentence seems to intentionally said to receive a specific reaction from his audience (his classmates). the line gives me the same vibe as a heckler at a comedy act, and the comedian interacting back with them.

one of the spells james uses against severus (where he dangles him upside down) is in severus' book of spells that he invented. so for james to know that, it means severus must have used it in the past (not sure if it was canon or not about that spell being a trend at this time or not), but severus would have used it on james or his friends previously for james to know the spell.

then what i said about severus picking a fight with james for lily, and james picking a fight with severus because of severus being bigoted/already picking a fight with him. this comes from when harry goes to remus and sirius after seeing severus' memory.

"I think James was everything Snape wanted to be... And Snape was just this little oddball who was up to the eyes in the dark arts, and James- whatever else he may have appeared to you, Harry- always hated the dark arts."

"Snape was a special case. I mean, he never lost an opportunity to curse James, so you couldn't really expect him to take that lying down, could you?"

sirius says severus picked a fight with james because james got what severus wanted (lily, but also academic validation, with james being naturally talented, which i should have mentioned in the previous post, but i was focusing on lily, not james and severus). sirius then says james picked a fight with severus because of severus' interest in dark magic (and we do see james getting furious when severus calls lily a 'mudblood', james was about to stop before severus said that). and then remus says james, in later years, only went after severus because severus was still going after him.

i didn't mean severus was starting things- more that severus was continuing things. i know they argued when they first met about houses, and i think lily then being put in gryffindor after that argument infuriated severus and caused him to see james as a threat, whilst james found it humorous and would likely mock severus for losing his best friend to gryffindor, which then their rivalry escalated from there and continued because severus was into lily and because james didn't like how severus was into dark arts/severus was already going after him and his friends.

about severus controlling lily. most of what we see of their friendship is very much severus trying to control lily. he tells her she better be in slytherin, he tells her not to listen to petunia because she's just a muggle (this could just be trying to comfort a friend, of course, but the insinuation that lily shouldn't listen to her because she's a muggle, not because she's just jealous and bitter is very weird), lily tries to get severus to stop hanging out with bigoted people that hurt her friends and severus just complains about james and remus, turning the subject to what 'she's doing wrong' instead of actually listening to her, he threatens to sleep outside gryffindor tower unless lily comes to see him, he asks for only lily's life to be spared (not caring if james or even harry, a 1 yr old, die). seems pretty controlling to me.

[diesoonandsuffer]

my thoughts on star trek: uhh. indoctrination? insubordination? what the fuck was it called...INSURRECTION

yeah that one.

MID.......this had the same problem generations had where it sort of felt like a very drawn out episode of the next generation, only this one didn't have the benefit of showing the tng set with a movie lens, which is half of what i find interesting about generations. it also doesn't help the "long tng episode" allegations when the plot of this movie is basically the plot of two s7 episodes, "brothers" and "journeys end," since the whole thing fringes on helping a colony stay where they are and avoiding disobeying the prime directive, but also there are some themes about time at play.

this movie also introduced a lot of things at the beginning that were ignored or dropped completely later, which is easier to get away with in the cold open of a show but not so much a movie when every second of screen time matters. like the new species joining the federation at the beginning was there mostly for laughs and to introduce the enterprise crew, silly me thought they might come into the plot again towards the end in a convenient sort of way but they never did.

same with troi and riker! and it annoyed me so much bc i clocked they were gonna get back together as soon as they were assigned to work on a mission, and again silly me thinking that throughout the movie they would slowly fall back in love with each other and it would tie into the events of the movie, but NOPE it all happens quickly and at the beginning and then is dropped. it only comes back when riker is like damn did i only like her again bc i felt young and worf is like no you've literally always loved her. which! could have been a really interesting concept if explored in detail, like instead of riker and troi being separated they are both down on the planet slowly falling back in love while their bodies get a bit younger, and they have to wonder if they really do love each other now or if it's just the planet, and then at the end decide to take the chance with each other anyways! wow that would have been a really cool b-plot but why would they do that when they could *checks notes* get riker to shave his beard i guess. WHATEVER!

i did get annoyed at the beginning when i saw that data was going evil sicko mode again because like we've DONE that, but luckily it ended up being something else and he's mostly irrelevant for the rest of the movie besides his small C plot. i wish they never introduced that damn emotion chip because it makes all of his stories kind of stupid. like they say in this one he doesn't have it and then his plot is about wanting to know what it's like to be a child, and he learns to play and have fun. which would have been compelling if he didn't have access to an emotion chip, which he does, so what's the point anymore? i know nemesis is going to be more data centric (and like i know okay. i know about it i'm not excited for it) and i can't wait for me to hate the execution

what else happened in the movie......i did like the subtle way they introduced what was happening to the planet, maybe it was obvious to others but personally i didn't catch it. like worf sleeping in just felt like a ha ha moment and riker having a mid-life crisis just sounds normal, but when you look back on those and other moments once you realize everyone has been getting a bit younger the whole movie, it makes sense. so i liked that, i also liked the concept of the planet in general, that they have the capability for great technology and choose not to use it and live a simpler life. i guess when you're effectively immortal it makes it an easier choice to make, but still.

the villains i didn't much care for, first of all their weird stretched skin that sometimes ruptured was just gross to look at, but also i just didn't find them very compelling. the federation admiral that was working with them was sort of interesting, i do appreciate when the grey areas of starfleet are highlighted, but it still wasn't super compelling.

overall, this movie definitely had some pacing issues and as mentioned just felt like a long tng episode that i basically had already seen before. some fun moments and interesting concepts but it so easily could have been made better with some tweaks. oh well!

[mrschwartz]

Mojo dojo casa house?

hogging this ask to share my opinions on the barbie film which i had promised i'd do!

i only watched it once so obv i'm gonna catch a lot more in subsequent viewings and might even change my opinion on some things but

at first view what impressed me the most were the production and costume designs! the barbieland set and the barbies' outfits are really impressive and fucking awesome, they helped a lot in the immersive nature of the film and to sell the premise. the commitment to the rules of the doll universe was fucking stellar, the walking on tiptoes, her floating down to the car, there not being any actual liquids or food

and like okay. the plot. phewwwwwww. it's metamodern and i get it, and while it certainly was Extremely self-aware it often seemed like said self-awareness was being actualized by someone with a very specific, not necessarily privileged but oftentimes limited, worldview. for example, america ferrera's speech was great but didn't it feel like feminism 101? i thought the film was going to commit to some more radicalized notions, i guess lmao

but i don't want to judge it based on my expectations, let me judge it for what it is! something that i have to give it credit for is the critic given to barbie dolls themselves, especially the ones from sasha (maybe it's bc i'm zillenial so i've been her lol). i wasn't expecting the film to open that discussion and that gave it a turning point that i think was much needed. what i will say is that i think too much importance was given to the historical significance of barbies lol ("you set feminism back 50 years you fascist!") but i think that's a given since the movie was produced by mattel iself

i would love to analyze this film for what it is and not mostly for the message it's trying to send (bc i'm The Biggest believer that stories don't have to have a moral lesson, and in fact are probably better when they don't tbh) but it truly only works when you take into account the discussion it's trying to sparkle. and good for it! it did its job, people are fucking talking about it lmao. we're in a weird cultural moment where people like me think the film would've benefitted from being more radical (by GOD not in a terf sense, terfs can die and burn lmao, but in a let's free the nipple and grow our body hair and raise boys and girls the same way sense) but conservative people think it IS radical for supposedly sending the message that women should hate men (???)

on that note. i'm Definitely not siding with the conservatives here (my god please god Definitely not) but the film kept hammering on the fact that we should fight the patriarchy (and i've seen people saying that you're missing the point if you don't realize that the film is us vs patriarchy and not women vs men) but i think that's giving too much credit to the film vnfjvnfjv like i said, it's feminism 101, so in the end the barbies still take back barbieland, no? they go back to the beginning of the film, this idyllic world where one gender rules all and occupies all of the space. and like I GET IT, it's a comment on how the opposite is what happens in our world, i'm not stupid lol. i'm just angry that the dichotomy IS there, is all i'm saying. the film criticizes the things women are associated with and the expecations we have to live with, but also plays straight into it when this world governed by women is all pink and glamourous and perfect lmao does my critic make sense? that particular message of the film feels very girl power 2014 tumblr core

speaking of which, anyone else not happy at all with the capitalist recuperation this film brought about? "let girls dress in pink and wear barbie merch to this blockbuster multimillion dollar movie!! this is our moment, if men can cosplay to watch mcu films then the girls can have this one!!" oh honey. "movies for girls" and "movies for men" much? there goes the polarization again. AND the commodification of something that Should be counterculture. thanks for contributing to both <3

all of this not to say that i didn't like the movie! i did it was great i laughed a lot! sometimes its self-awareness bothered me for how "biased" it was but most of the time the film really benefitted from it in its comedy! depression barbie made me HOWL lmao, and the kens serenating the barbies with an acoustic guitar gave me war flashbacks bc literally what woman hasn't been there, stuff like that

and. it did make me cry lol. the final scene when barbie is talking to ruth handler and finally understands what it's like to be human and more specifically a human woman really touched me bc it was a commentary on the personal. it wasn't getting at broad social subjects, it was all about internal conflict and acceptance. reminded me of the epiphany scene from soul and the parking lot scene from everything everywhere all at once. i feel like metamodern films rely a lot on these self-referential and social commentaries, but are also slowly walking towards looking inwards a lot, and that means so much to me. the examples i've observed so far in cinema are fucking beautiful, i hope it's here to stay

[nathank77]

10/5/24

8:54 p.m

I went out for a chicken. And I came back and Riley was in her crate... I came back and forth 3 times and she was still locked in it.

And skye and i had been fighting about the dog and when I went back with my last bag, Riley was out... I wanted her crated so she doesn't jump on me or run out the door....

And I got pissed. Skye said she didn't do that and that Riley must have broke out. I don't believe her. I think she did it to spite me.

If i could break out of my crate with my feet, I would be doing that everyday, every chance I got. Especially with a steaming chicken sitting on the stove top. She just wanted to be a petty cunt.

My mom is doing better pain wise. I went to see her. My car key broke again... and I can't find my super glue and idk if I can visit her tomorrow bc I can't risk losing my car key...

I shaved my body, aka my dick... and I'm so worried I'm going to get poison ivy on it... like I can't even tell you. I had to do it. It was long overdo... and I was like whelp ill just kill myself if it happens..I had to let Riley out of the crate bc she had been in about 7 or 8 hours when I got home bc tbh I've been leaving the house as much as I can. I'd rather be anywhere than in my house...

I hate it. It smells like fish, urine, shit and chemicals. It's actually vile....

And Riley just lays in her crate when she's released if I don't play with her and watches my door. All night. All fucking night. Which makes me feel awful..

I hope my mother comes to her senses... Riley has broken into the bathroom 3 times causing me to have to scrub the floor so that I feel safe in there... the eye hook doesn't fucking work. And my sister is being a raging cunt about it. When I close my door the eye hooks pops out from the bathroom for some reason..

Riley has jumped up on me 3 times today. She's so excited to play once she gets out that it's intolerable. I've played with her for over a hour today... but I dont want to. I pet her and I talk to her about how I dont deserve her bc I'm too disabled and I can't take care of her and how I want to save her but I can't bc then my mother will hate me and skye may evict me..

She's always waiting for me outside of whatever door I'm on. And she has the worst puppy dog eyes I've ever seen when I take off my velcro gloves... once she hears the velcro her eyes go into sad puppy mode. She's killing me bc I'm too disabled to take care of her. I'm too disabled.

Shaving my body and head and beard just with a buzzer (I got to do the razor on my head and face tomorrow,) was so stressful bc i couldn't crate her anymore. I was out all day bc i want to escape this hell.

I just want to go somewhere, where things are clean and where it doesn't smell like fish, piss, chemicals and shit.

Bc she keeps jumping on me i keep losing clothes to her paws covered in her own shit bc she steps in it. I stopped walking her. I don't have the time. I truly do not. I cannot deal with it. I left it all on liv. I already play with her and pet her when I dont want to.

I feel like a monster... but i don't want a dog. I can't take care of her. I'm too fucking disabled. It was a disaster trying to shave my body with a dog sitting outside the bathroom while I tried to keep my flip flops on towels and rugs and I was in my boxers trying to not have Riley the poison ivy creature brush up against me.

It's becoming unbearable. But once my mom comes home I told her Riley's shit palace is staying in the living room. It can't be the kitchen or the fucking bathroom but the issue is, I won't sit with her bc it's right in front of my love seat.... like I'm not sitting in that smelly waste.

I hope she comes to her senses. I love the dog but I cannot live like this. And I truly will never sit with my mother while the living room smells like shit, urine, fish and chemicals.

I can't cope with what having this dog is doing to my mental health.

I've thought about staying at my dad's house and sleeping on the couch.

Yea I could walk her but she won't go out there anyways and I DONT HAVE THE TIME. I AM SEVERELY OCD I WASH MY HANDS AT LEAST 100 TIMES A DAY. I CANNOT DO IT.

Idk if liv is taking her out but I'm not doing it anymore ever. Fuck them for making me fear poison ivy 24/7. Fuck them for making me unable to masterbate due to my fear. Fuck them for making me have to scrub a bathroom everytime she pranses in there. Fuck them for making me feel like an animal abuser bc I have to go out and do stuff and what's worst is yea I should have crated her when I shaved bc having her outside the bathroom made everything awful. So I'll never do that again..

I hate them for making me feel so stressed and having to lock her up bc i can't get a single hair on my food. I can't fucking cope and everyone is like let's buy Riley this. Our family cannot afford this dog. This dog deserves a better life. I am too disabled to take care of her.. I am not over Nala and I'm not taking her outside so I can freak out about all the fucking plants she touches.

My obsession with poison ivy is so much worse and I cannot watch her walk by all these leaves in our slum yard with poison ivy patches.

I can't wait to kill myself and kristen will be in the letter... but don't even think for one second I won't write about how Riley pushed me over the edge bc ocd is fucking real and I'm still traumatized by fucking Nala. But no one cares how i feel.

[beetlebomb01]

I feel like I'm only recently actually learning about how I experience dysphoria.

For years before I realized I was trans my reason was that I wasn't dysphoric and didn't have any problem with being a guy, but a lot of that was just not knowing what dysphoria is, despite being in a position that I could've been exposed to what it means much easier than others. Just like many other people I had never heard of dysmorphia and mixed it up with dysphoria, thinking I was perfectly fine with being a guy because I thought I generally looked good.

After watching some trans YouTube videos, I eventually realized that the feeling that the person in the mirror wasn't me was not just that I was "immature" and that I wouldn't grow into it (at first I thought my personality would grow to match my body, but eventually the feeling became the norm and I forgot about it).

I think I've had bits of feeling dysphoric for a while, but I didn't really notice it before my egg cracked, bc I thought it was stress or some other factor. These moments aren't that common though, mostly because I don't have any image of myself in my head, while this is definitely partially aphantasia, it's also because I feel no connection to the "man in the mirror". Looking in the mirror normally feels like looking at a picture of someone else (I still never liked pictures of myself though).

I think that because I have trouble connecting how I look with myself, I don't feel dysphoric that often, since it isn't me that looks like that (and my voice still feels like an improvement on my voice before it dropped because used to hate how my voice sounded "squeaky" and I remember it as sounding kinda like it was constantly cracking). Recently I've started not only playing online games presenting more fem, a lot of this has been in VRChat, which works bc of how common it is for guys to use anime girl avatars, but even with that I still have realized how much my voice *doesn't* represent me, it's still fine talking in person, but actually having an image of my identity for it to be incongruent with has made it actually cause dysphoria.

Ik this is getting long, but the other major example is me actually trying (in private) to see myself more fem irl. Every once in a while I'm home alone for an extended period of time when I plan to shower, this gives me the opportunity to spend a bit before I shower to fuck around with my mom's makeup. It's usually a bit hard to do much since everything also needs to come off before I finish showering (or usually before I start in case someone gets home while I shower). Usually this doesn't do much for seeing myself in my reflection, and my hair also fucks it up, so I usually do it when I wear a hoodie so I can cover everything other than my face up, but since I want to be extremely cautious, I'm limited to what I know I can remove quickly. Recently I did this with some lipstick, and oh my god, after putting my hood up, I felt like I saw a little of myself in my reflection, I could see the girl who usually only shows up every once in a while for a passing moment before I look beyond the eyes of my reflection. I don't remember any other time I've genuinely smiled at my reflection, but seeing her, seeing myself more clear than ever before made it hard not to. I haven't done it again since, but I don't know that I would see myself again if I did, because I know if I had time to sit with it, to look closer than a meter away from the mirror, I would see all the imperfections. I wouldn't see myself, or worse, I would see a version of myself that is so distant it only barely registers as me.

I think it's hard to feel dysphoric, to feel like your image, your body and appearance, shouldn't be yours and hide who you are, when you can't realize that the body you see in the mirror is supposed to be you.

[juni-ravenhall]

still feel the same. it's not about it being a bad model but about that i can't recreate juni in any way that actually feels like her, which means they took away from me my character that i played the game with and loved. as a score i guess something like 5, in that its okay and it had potential but that it doesnt reach the potential and doesn't make me happy to play.

it's obviously a decent model with more options than the old ones. it's obviously good to have body options at all, and to have more diverse faces and skintones. but those positive points dont change the fact that the chara i played the game for years with is gone bc the new options dont really translate her character for me. some people didnt care about their old chara, and others like me, really loved them. it's not fair for certain ppl to just brush over that we lost our beloved characters bc of not getting good options to recreate them.

im very disappointed in sse not originally taking more care to represent the designs of the older model in options for the new one, as well as that they haven't added more options in the time since then. what i want added is more options (especially mix-and-match facial features, or sliders to adjust them) both for the face, body, hairstyles, makeup, and accessories (the facial hair being carelessly handled affected how characters with facial hair look after the update).

(to defend myself against haters, again, the point is not the model is bad. don't be without nuance "love or hate" it's not the point. it's that they didn't put in effort to let us choose options that match more to the characters we made with the old model. it's like a new character, it doesn't look like my juni in the face feature options nor in the hair options nor in the body options - and when i say body, i dont mean "i want her skinny as a stick like the old model!!1111", ive never said that, i just dont really like the new bodies that much for various design reasons that have nothing to do with weight as i love fat bodies and am fat myself.)

i also still stand by my original criticism that the model doesnt match with most npcs (an issue especially with the soul riders, they shouldnt have changed style ever again after updating the soul riders back then... its not rational to keep making your game look mismatched eternally! you pick a style and stick to it, or at worst, update it once and then stick to that!) as well as that i think the proportions of the model could have been a bit better and etc.

also afaik theres still a lack of curly hair and short hair (not allowed to have a buzz cut and be a soul rider?) and also just a general lack of hair options... which should be pretty "easy" additions compared to things like adding face sliders or more bodies.

i also think those pandorian scars they added just dont look good. i want to see more makeup and accessories that are meaningful for character design (not just random earrings) and that they would be actually well-made and look good

So how is everyones thoughs about the updated player model now after more than a year with it?

Did you hate or love it when it first come out? Do you hate or love it now?

What do you want changed? What do you want added?

And what about scoring it from 0-10. 0 is the dislike and 10 is like.

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

not jealous | jake sim

summary: jake sim is not a jealous person. at least that's what he tells himself. so why does he find himself going through your phone when a certain "bluejay park" decides to text you?

pairing: jake sim x y/n [ft. mentions of jay park]

genre: angst, fluff 

warnings: angst, cursing (very minimal), one slightly suggestive sentence, jake being cute, some more angst lol, slightly cheesy bc jake’s just too cute ugh

wc: 3.8k

a/n: ok i loved writing this, which is why i went on to almost 4k words LOL oops. but anyways, i love jake a little too much and this type of scenario has been running around in my head for a while now so i decided to put it into words. also i may have created this blog just so i could post this somewhere LMAO anyways yeah this was my first fic so hope you guys enjoyyyy <3

Jake Sim is not a jealous person.

At least that's what he tells himself. To be fair, in his past relationships, he never showed any jealously. Then again, he doesn't know if he can call those relationships, "relationships". Does a fifth grade relationship with a girl who he was once dared to kiss during a game of Truth or Dare in the basement of a classmate's house during their 11th birthday party count? He doesn't remember being jealous when the same girl was later dared to kiss his classmate, Sunghoon. (Funny enough, that's how the two boys came to be best friends 'til this day, but that's a story for another time.) 

But really, Jake doesn't think jealously is one of his traits, even if he's now almost 20 years old without any experience with love other than his current relationship with you and that short-lived romance in the fifth grade. (What was her name again? Jake would have to ask Sunghoon later.)

So he doesn't know what clicked in that brain of his that lead him to this current situation he was in. He doesn't know why he felt a little spark of anger in him when your phone, which you left right next to him on the couch while you went to take a shower, kept buzzing with texts from "bluejay park". He doesn't know why he couldn't kept his eyes distracted from the messages, although your phone was constantly lighting up because whatever it was Jay had to say to you, he would not shut up about it. He doesn't know why he questioned what your relationship with Jay was for a split second.

In fact, you're close with all of Jake's friends. That's one of his favorite things about you, you get along so well with all his friends you might as well replace Jake himself in the friend group. So he doesn't know what tells him to take a little glance at your phone—at the messages.

But he finds himself doing it anyways.

Hearing that the water in the shower was still running (you were always the type to take long showers), he quickly grabs your phone and scrolls through the lock screen just to find that he couldn't even read the messages since you had your notifications set so no one could read them unless the phone was unlocked (darn you and your settings!) Thankfully, Jake knew your passcode––and you knew his too––or he thought he did. Until the iPhone vibrated, telling him the passcode was wrong.

He must've entered it too fast or something. So he tries again.

And again.

And again.

Until the iPhone switches its screen to say: "iPhone is disabled. Try again in 5 minutes."

There's no way. You never change your password. And even if you did, you would tell him—you two even had each other's fingerprints saved into each other's phones in the past (you know, before the world decided that Apple's home button was too lame and decided to just completely get rid of it). If there was an option to save multiple faces for Face ID, you two would be that couple that saved each others faces in your own phones.

That being said, Jake sat there, your phone in hand, frozen. Why was your phone locked? Why was Jay texting you 10 texts per second? Why did he feel guilty about this entire situation?

He hears the shower switch off and in that moment, he swears he feels his heart beat just a little faster. He tells himself there's no way you'll be out before the 5 minutes are up. You followed a really meticulous skincare routine (one that Jake memorized by now) that took an extra 15 minutes of your time after each shower.

"Hey Jake?" Your voice calls out from the tiny bathroom door crack that you left open before you hopped in the shower, "Is my phone out there? Do you mind bringing it to me?"

Fuck.

Jake shifts on the couch. Taps his foot on the ground. Returns your phone to its original spot. Clears his throat.

"Don't you want to get dressed first?" he calls back, quite timidly.

He can hear you stop moving around in the bathroom. Probably telling yourself what an odd response that was. To be fair, it was an odd question, considering the fact that you two have been together for so long, it’s not like he hasn’t seen you undressed before...intentionally or not. 

Next thing he knows, the steam is rolling out of the bathroom door and you're stepping out in your towel, eyebrows raised.

"If you didn't want to get up from the couch, you could've just said so, you lazy butt," you smirk at him as you walk towards him and the couch, leaving a faint trail of water drops behind you. Jake's eyes follow your figure as you go to grab your phone and lift the screen towards yourself.

That's when he freezes. You do too.

You cock your head, as if asking yourself why it was disabled. He can hear the gears in your head turning.

"Jake, did you try to unlock my phone?"

He runs through all the possible excuses he could blurt out. Come on Jake, think of something! But he knows he can't lie to you.

Too many beats of silence pass by.

"Maybe," he finally says—or more like murmurs. He looks up to you like a child looking up at their mom, who just them caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. To his surprise, you don't show any hint of anger. A flash of confusion—and is that worry he sees?—crosses your face for a split second before you shrug and turn towards your room to change, dropping the subject. It was natural for you two to use each other's phones anyways. So then why did you have that look of worry?

Jake knows you well, a little too well. But that's what you love about him. He can easily read all your emotions. One of the many things he picked up from dating you for almost two years now. But why would you care if he tried to get into your phone? Why would that worry you? All the possibilities run through head and his own worry begins to increase. He trusts you. He does.

So then why does the thought bother him throughout the entire day? Why does he bring it up during dinner later that night, when you're both cuddled on your sofa, slurping take-out ramen while rewatching your favorite k-drama under the thick blanket that you always keep in your living room for nights like these?

"Huh? Of course I've heard from Jay today, we had that conversation about that stupid meme you boys kept laughing about in the groupchat we're all in, didn't we?" You answer him when he asks if you've heard from Jay lately. You sit up from your warm spot under Jake's arm to put your empty bowl on the coffee table in front of you. When you lean back, you look up at him,

"Why do you ask?"

"Oh, it's nothing, just wondering," he says, avoiding your eyes by keeping his own trained on the series currently playing on your TV. This would be your third time rewatching this series together. He would never complain to you though, he knows how much you love it and if he were being honest, he was secretly attached to the characters—not that he would ever tell you, he would never hear the end of it from you and the boys.

"You're being weird. Just tell me, or did you forget that I can practically read your mind," you say with a giggle and shove to his side, the one you were currently warmly cuddled into. Jake wasn't the only one who learned how to read emotions; you could read him just as well as he could read you. And like you, that's one of the many things he loved about you. But maybe not in this case.

He toyed around with the contents inside his ramen bowl with his chopsticks.

"I just..." God, how does he word this? Why was he having trouble explaining it? You were the easiest person to talk to. To him, you were the only person he could tell everything to.

"Jaywastextingyouabunchearlier," he blurts out quickly, but not quickly enough for you to miss it.

He feels you shift under his arm. He feels the air in the room shift. Tension.

"What?" Now you're sitting upright, legs criss-crossed in front of you on the couch but turned, so your body is completely facing him. He mirrors you, sitting up to put his ramen bowl next to yours on the surface, but he stays facing the TV.

"Your phone kept going off because of him when you were showering," he says with a little more confidence. But inside, he was nervous as hell, the same nervous as when he asked you out for the first time many moons ago. But it's too late to back out now, he brought it up first, anyways. Guess we're having this conversation now, good going Jake!

"Is that why you tried unlocking my phone earlier? I mean I thought you were just trying to leave selfies on my phone like you always do but you were trying to read my texts?" You question, slightly raising your soft voice. He doesn't know how to react, he hates confrontation.

"It wasn't like that, Jay just kept spamming you and like I—why was he even texting you in the first place? Then your phone got disabled because you changed your password, which you never do by the way, so I–"

"I changed it because my little sister kept getting into my phone when I went to visit my family yesterday! Did you really think I was hiding something from you? You know I can text whoever I want, right? You don't own me."

Okay so now he's managed to make you angry. Good going Jake, part 2!

"Okay but what does Jay need from you so bad that he has to send you like 50 messages at once?" He's standing now. So are you, eyebrows furrowed together as you collect your bowls from the table.

Standing there, bowls in hand, you say, "Jake, that's none of your business! It wasn't even that big of a deal, I don't know why you felt the need to nosy around."

"Well, if he's texting you non-stop, then obviously it's a big deal! We wouldn't even be having this conversation if you would just tell me what you guys were talking about," he murmurs back, eyes narrowing. You scoff as you trail into your kitchen. He follows behind and stops at the other side at your kitchen island as you place the dirty dishes into the sink.

"No, we're having this conversation because you obviously don't trust me! It doesn't matter what we were talking about, it doesn't matter who I was texting! I could be texting your mother and I shouldn't have to tell you what we were talking about! That's why we're having this conversation," you say as you turn back to face him from the other end.

He hates this. He hates fighting with you (which is a very, very rare occasion). He hates that you think he doesn't trust you. He hates his insecurity eating at him, telling him to keep questioning you on why you and Jay were talking in the first place. He was aware that you were close with his friends, but it wasn't until the texts he realized just how close you are with them. It's not that he didn't trust you, he just didn't know how to act when it came to you and other guys. God knows how he got lucky enough to meet you, let alone date you, so the thought of him losing you to someone else actually terrified him. Not only were you his first real relationship, but he wanted you to be his first and only one in life. You were it for him.

"Why did he text you." He deadpans from his side of the kitchen.

You scoff with a hint of exasperation. "You're kidding me."

You stare at him. He stares back, quirking an eyebrow, as if restating the same question back, as if testing you.

You're fuming now. Why was he making it so hard? Why was he doubting you? Out of frustration, you start laughing, which scares him. That can't be good.

"Fine. You wanna know so bad? Take a look,"  you're one tone level away from screaming as you take your phone out of your pocket, unlock it, and open up your conversation with "bluejay park", sliding the phone across the island to reach him.

Jake stares at the phone which now lies there, unlocked, facing him. Isn't this what he wanted? It is, right? That's why he started this dreaded argument with you in the first place.

Then why does he feel so fucking awful?

He looks back up at you, to see you sighing and looking up at the ceiling, as if trying to force your forming tears back into your eyes.

Yup, he feels horrible.

"Happy? Happy to know we were just trying to plan a surprise birthday party for you but you and your jealously just had to know huh, Jake?" You quickly state, voice cracking, as you tried not to choke up. You weren't sad that he found out about the surprise. You were sad that it felt like he didn't trust you. That he thought you were the type of person to do god knows what behind his back. You hated the feeling of not being trusted. Especially by Jake, of all people.

"Fuck."

Jake's face (and heart) falls with the most broken expression you've ever seen. But you're too sad, angry, tired (a mix of all?) to care. Your only goal right now is to not let him see you cry.

You hurry past him, across your apartment, and into your bedroom, slamming the door behind you, leaving behind a shocked, and regretful, Jake.

His heart shrinks when he hears the door slam shut and a little more when he looks down at the still unlocked phone in front of him. He didn't have the heart in him to look at it anymore. Of course he trusted you, he knew what you said was the truth.

He mentally screams at himself for assuming the worst––for thinking that you, a literal angel, would betray him.  First, he thought he was losing you to someone else. Now, he was afraid he just lost you through his own actions. 

He hesitantly sulks over to your door, softly knocking when he reaches it.

"Y/N?"

No response.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry. I didn't know, I let my—”

"Jake just please leave me alone for now," he hears you painfully say from a distance, meaning you're on your bed. He knows the door's unlocked—the lock on your door hasn't been working for a long time now, despite the many times he tells you to talk to your landlord about it. But he doesn't find it in him to open it. He knows he messed up. If he saw you in there right now, crying, he wouldn't know what to do. He wouldn't know what he would to do himself, knowing he was the reason behind your tears.

He nods in silence, knowing you can't see him, but does so anyways and returns to his spot on the couch. He could leave right now, go back to the dorm with the rest of the guys, let you have your space like you wanted. But his heart hurts at the idea of leaving you sad, angry, or a combination of both. He can't leave this unresolved. He fucked up, he has to fix it.

And so he sits on your couch for another hour. The clock on the wall behind him continues to tick as the silent tension in your apartment continues to grow. When it hits 11pm and he's sure you've slumbered off into sleep, he quietly enters your room.

He can see your figure in the dark, your back facing the door as you're curled up into yourself under the comforter. He feels his heart drop a little more when he imagines you crying in that position from earlier. He slowly peels the comforter open and gets into his side of the bed, careful not to bother your sleeping figure.

Laying there, staring up at the ceiling, he's never felt more like a stranger in your bed. It's not that he hasn't slept over before, god knows he's probably slept over at your place more than he has in his own bed. But right now, in this moment, he just felt awful. Like he didn't deserve to be in such close proximity to you. How could he be deserving? He violated your privacy, made you feel like you weren't trusted, doubted your relationship.

These thoughts run through Jake's head as he stares up at your ceiling fan, wishing he could turn back time to a few hours ago, before he checked your phone, before he let his insecurities get to the best of him.

You can feel the dip he makes in the bed behind you when he gets in. Of course you're not asleep. There's no way sleep could reach you when you had the recent events constantly replaying in your head like a broken record.

You knew Jake with all your heart. You didn't have to look at him to know he was probably laying there, hurt, staring up at the ceiling, drafting what to say once you wake up—or once he knows you're actually still awake.

You decide to break the tension by turning to lay on your other side, facing him.

You were wrong. Thanks to the little sliver of moonlight shining through your sheer curtains, you can see him, now laying on his side, already looking at you with so much regret in his eyes. You can almost hear the cracks in your heart physically forming.

His eyes widen when he realizes you're still awake. He opens his mouth to say something, but not before you quickly shift over to his side of the bed and embrace him in a tight hold, burying your face into his chest. Without any hesitation, he returns the gesture, arms holding your body as close to him as possible. As if once he let go, he'd lose you forever.

He lets out a sigh of relief as he breathes you in. He didn't even know he was holding his breath all this time.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry Y/N," he mutters into your hair. He feels his hoodie getting wet from where you buried your face. He pulls you closer, if that's even possible, feeling his own eyes heating up with sadness. He would never forgive himself for making you feel this way.

"You know I trust you right? Please know that. I shouldn't have assumed the worst when I saw your phone. I...I let my insecurities get to the best of me."

You move your head from its home on his chest to look up at him, as if asking him to elaborate. This was new to you, you didn't know he held insecurities in your relationship. But it wasn't because of you, no, you were his entire world. Losing you meant losing everything.

Jake's never been the best at saying his feelings. That's why it took him so long (with the help of his six best friends) to finally confess how he felt about you. He was afraid of letting people in if they could easily walk out. Maybe that's why he never let anyone into his life before you. But oh, were you an exception. The second he met you, he knew he was fucked. But thank god he did, because thanks to you, he's been able to be more open, more vulnerable. He's able to talk to you about anything and everything. He doesn't have that same fear of losing people anymore, not when he has you in his life to reassure him every step of the way. But right now, in this moment, he doesn't know how to tell you that his new fear was, in fact, just losing you.

The sheer idea of you not being a part of his life anymore terrified him. 

"I hope you know you're never going to lose me Jake, if that's what you're insecure about," you softly mutter as you wrap your free arm that's not stuck in between both your bodies around him to gently play with the ends of his hair. It's as if you could read his mind, he loves that you know him so well.

"It just sucks that you could even think I would ever do something as awful as what you were assuming...with one of your closest friends nonetheless," you continue.

"I know. I know, and I feel terrible. I'm so sorry. I know you would never do anything remotely close to that, and I know you would never intentionally try to keep anything from me," he sighs. He shifts so he can lie down on his back, bringing you with him to lie on his chest, never letting you go once. "It's just...I just don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you Y/N. Everyday, I ask myself what heroic thing I must've done in my past life to deserve this life with you and I can't help but think you could just as easily be stripped away from me."

As much as your heart breaks listening to him rant, you feel your love for him grow even more. You knew how hard it was for him to put his true emotions into words, and him telling you this reminded you how much trust he had in you.

After some moments of silence, moments of him drawing random shapes onto your back, moments of you two just holding each other like it was the end of the world, you speak up.

"I love you. I'm sorry for making you doubt yourself—"

"No, it's not your fault, I can't help but think things like that. I just don't know what I did to deserve you, and I know that I need to be mo–"

"Babe let me finish," you say with a little giggle in your tone. He immediately stops and mutters a little "sorry". How cute, you tell yourself.

"I was gonna say," you look back up at him so you're making direct eye contact now. "You're the only one that's ever on my mind, Jake. I can't help the way you think, but I can assure you that there is no one else I would rather be with. And I mean that for the rest of life."

You snuggle back into the comfortable hoodie he's currently wearing (you make a mental note to yourself to steal it from him later) and decide to ease the tension,

"So you're stuck with me for life, sorry to inform you Mr. Sim."

Jake lets out a laugh, looking down at you to see you returning his smile with a cheeky one.

"I love you. So much," he says so sincerely, so genuinely, that you almost tear up again from how content you were. Now you were asking yourself, what did you do to deserve him?

Jake Sim is not a jealous person.

No, he just loves you.

A lot.

[scekrex]

Hi (●’◡’●)ﾉ 💕💕💕💕

Another request 💕💕💕 sorry if my another request was too over bearing (◞‸◟ㆀ) I will try to make my requests to you has sample has possible!

So for my request while listening to my play list I was thinking ftm teen reader x Adam were reader has gender dysphoria and really hates when his shark week comes around?

If you can thank you 💕💕💕💕

Nah hun, don't worry. Sometimes I just take a lil longer than other times, it all depends on life n what plans I have, I've been quite busy the past few days. But here ya go xoxo/p

Let me live/Let me die

pairing: Adam x trans!male!reader

warnings: language, body dysphoria, reader thinks about self harm

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

It was a bitch, really. When you had been back on earth there had been no way for you to get your hands onto hormones so your voice always stayed high pitched, your body never started to grow facial hair, there was no t-dick, no muscles and your shark week busted open the gates every fucking month. Not even in heaven you were free from that monthly bleeding, for Christ's sake, who the fuck made that decision?

So when it was that time of the month again you pushed yourself away from Adam - physically. You had been cuddling with the leader of the exorcists all night and it had been fine but now? Now everything felt wrong, your body, your voice, your soft facial features, the curves that made your body look elegant instead of bulky. The physical pain that shot through your body not to mention.

The second you pushed yourself away and turned your back towards Adam the man woke up to check where the warmth of your body went only to find you on the other half of the bed, curled up tight in one of the blankets. His confused expression softened and he scooted towards you, only for you to flinch away again, growling a low, “Don’t fucking touch me.” Adam stopped in his movement and looked at you in concern. “It’s that time of the month again, huh?” he simply asked as he finally moved backwards a little to give you the space you needed. A low huff escaped you and you wrapped the blanket even tighter around your body.

Your own nails were digging into your skin, it was the only thing that kept you from ripping open your stomach and pulling out all of your guts - including that fucking bitch of a uterus that you weren't even supposed to have. You were supposed to have a body like Adam, to look the part, to sound the part. Yet you were stuck in this female body you didn't ask for.

“Babes,” his voice was tired yet soft as you felt the mattress shifting, he just got up. He walked around the bed to kneel down in front of you, dressed in nothing but a boxershorts. You wanted to push the blanket away and cling onto him, to bury your face in his neck and breathe in nothing but his scent for the rest of this nightmarishly week. And so you did. The blanket landed somewhere on the floor and you basically launched yourself into his arms, your arms wrapped around his neck, nails dug into his back once you were steady. Your legs were wrapped around his hips and he placed a big, warm hand on your back to steady you while his other hand softly petted your hair. “I hate this, I hate this so fucking much,” you whimpered against his neck as tears started to well up in your eyes. You didn't want to cry, you wanted to stay strong, to live through it without complaining. But you couldn't. It was just all too much.

Adam shushed you as he pressed a loving kiss to your cheek, “I know you do babes.” Adam never really knew what he was supposed to do during dysphoria breakdowns, you either isolated yourself from him and his touch until it wore off, or you clung onto him like a newborn baby. He liked you clingy better but would of course give you space if needed. “Watcha say about pancakes, huh? Sounds fucking great?” You lifted your head a little to look into the golden eyes you adored so much, a small, weak smile on your face, “Sounds fucking great.”

So the day continued. And the brunette was not going anywhere without you, hell might burn brighter today, he even canceled band practice and told Sera to “Fuck off, my babe needs me,” when she had called and asked him to meet Emily. Most of the day you two had been spending in bed, it was the most comfortable and cozy place to spend shark week at. And while tomorrow would be yet another day for you to walk through the hell of dysphoria, today was okay because Adam was there. Adam had wrapped his entire body around you so that all your senses could focus onto him and him alone. He was also singing a song, you were too zoned out to notice if it was the same song over and over again or if it were different ones. But Adam's voice calmed you down and Adam's touch made you feel less like tearing open your stomach and pulling out your guts.

While tomorrow would be yet the same painfully disgusting experience, today Adam was there to take it from you for at least a couple hours.

[noyasboxdye]

Notes: Welcome to the first day of kinktober this doesn't have a lot of knife play bc i don't really know how to write for it but i tried my best :)

Word Count: 2,016

Pairing: Tendou Satori x Male! Reader

Warnings: Yandere themes, home invasion(?), knife play, CNC (?), death threats, praise, oral sex (reader receiving), power bottom tendou.

Tendou Satori loved you. He thought you knew. You obviously didn't thought with the way you were hugging and laughing with Ushijima. To be fair though he hadn't confessed. But you still should've known! After all the things he's done for you he can't believe you would betray him like this.

Going out to coffee with him and alone at that! Something could've happened to you. He could've hurt you and he still could. But you were to naive. He couldn't blame you honestly nor could he get mad. For several reasons the main one being that he cared to much. The other being that you couldn't help it after all you were just cute little y/n.

So when he'd saw you in that coffee shop with Ushijima letting him touch you like that he'd decided to do something. He had to do something bigger to let you know you were his. Obviously being a gentleman along with the occasional flirting wasn't doing that. How could you know though because once again you were naive.

He'd just have to come on a little stronger. He couldn't do that now thought you both had class. And his class was out of your way so he'd just have to wait till you got home. Oh he was so excited! The day dragged on for the both of you. He couldn't stop thinking about how excited you'd be to see him. He'd decided to wait until you got home to coming in.

You'd gotten home from school hanging your coat in the closet setting your bag down on the table and going into your room. Getting undress and wrapping your towel around yourself taking your soaps into the bathroom. Turning the shower water on and putting your shower cap on. Getting in the shower and sitting under the water.

Your muscles relaxing under the hot water. Allowing yourself to calm down. Tendou on the other hand was tense. He was here now! He couldn't figure out how to get in though. He didn't want to set off your alarm and have you possibly hear him. But he couldn't think of another way in. Your window might work but they were usually closed and he couldn't go through the front.

The neighbours could see and call the cops. Your room window should work though. You usually sleep with them open because sleeping in the cold with the heat on is easier. Going to the side of the house and seeing that the window he climbed onto of the patio table. Climbing his way into the window. Peaking into the bathroom to make sure you were in the shower. Seeing that you were in the shower.

"Perfect they're getting all clean for me." he thinks sneaking past the door as quietly as he can before making his way into the kitchen. Grabbing a (bigger) knife. He was hoping he wouldn't have to use it. He was hoping you would be just excited to see him here as he was you. Because he knew you loved him and you knew he loved you. You just didn't think straight sometimes.

A perfect example would be this morning before class. You went on a little coffee date with Ushijima. You loved him he just had to remind you of how much you did. And he would do just that. He would make sure that you never forgot about either of your love ever again. Going back into your bedroom. Taking off all of his outer wear.

Cleaning himself up a bit wiping himself off and fixing his disheveled shirt. Making himself comfortable on the bed patiently waiting for you to come in. Trying to decide what to say, how to say it, and when. He knew you'd be a little startled by him coming unannounced but you'd also be delighted. After all who wouldn't be delighted to see their love surprise them at home.

Especially after a stressful day at school. It was a while before you'd finally got back into your room and when you did you were definitely surprised. He'd just been sitting there trying to explain himself. While you were yelling at him to get out.

He'd sounded like a mad man to you and to make matters worse he had a knife near him! You'd started hitting and kicking after he grabbed you. Pushing him off of you and running to the bed so that you could grab the knife. But he'd gotten a hold of you and the knife first. He never thought he would have to but he pinned you down and pressed the knife to your throat.

Pushing your hands above your head and into the mattress before putting his thigh in between your legs against your groin. You'd whimpered a bit and prayed that he didn't hear you but he did. A smile grew at the noise you let out. You'd sounded so heavenly. Like music to his ears!

He wanted- no needed to hear more. He had to hear more of those pretty little sounds again. And louder. He wanted to hear you say his name in that way. He had to hear it. He'd do anything he could to hear it again. So he did it again. He pressed his knee into your groin. Another whimper falling from your lips as he pressed into you.

You didn't know if it was because of the pressure or the fact that he had a knife to your throat that was making you feel this way and you hated it. But you loved it as well. The thought of your life being in such danger made your stomach curl. It made you crave him. You unconsciously grind into his thigh as you think about the situation more. More whimpers and now moans leaving you.

Leaning down Tendou kissed you lifting the knife from your throat. Setting it down on your bed and kissing his way down to your neck. Sucking and nipping at the skin. You wrap your arms around him as he makes his way down your neck. Taking your shirt off and immediately finding his way back to you lips and neck.

Kissing down towards your chest. Grazing his hand against your nipple testing the waters. His stomach did flips as he heard you whimper his name. He'd dreamed about this on numerous occasions and he always knew what to do when he'd done it with other people. But now that he'd actually had you in his grasp, and was doing these things with you he didn't know what to do.

You were so perfect with the way you grabbed at the nape of his neck toying with the little hairs, softly moaning his name in his ear, and wrapping your legs around his. He needed more though, he needed to be in you. And with the way you grinder your hips against him you were practically begging him to fuck you. And who was he to deny you a good fucking?

If you wanted to be fucked that's what you would get. Kissing his way back up your body he removes his lips sitting up before taking off his shirt and removing his pants. He'd never been more eager for something in his life! "Tendou- baby please." you moan reaching out for him pulling him back down to you stroking his cock through his boxers.

He let out a deep groan at the feeling. Pulling him self away once again to pull your pants down, dragging your boxers down with them. Throwing them in a random corner of the room and forgetting about them as he strokes your cock. "mmm- Tendou- fuck... please." you say your back arching off of the bed slightly. "Nuhuh you got to tell me what you want hun alright...? Use your big boy words baby." he says as he rests his head back into the crook of your neck, sucking and biting on the skin.

He smiled at the sight. His hand moving faster making you stutter out even more nonsense than before. "Fu- fuck me-! Tendou please fuck me." you say getting impatient, humping at the air as if it'll give you the relief you need. "Good boy! Using your big boy words for daddy!" he says smiling at you. You moaned at his words.

Finally he stood up grabbing the lube out of his jacket pocket and pouring a generous amount onto his hand before strolling your dick once again. Making sure that your dick was wet enough. Straddling your lap and lifting his hips he slowly sunk himself down on your length. A series of moans leaving past his lips as he reached the base, slowly grinding against you as he waiting for himself to get used to your length.

Slowly bouncing on you as he pinched and twisted at your nipples. High pitched moans coming from you as you begged him to go faster, trying to thrust your hips up to meet him. You reached over at nothing his head following your hand as he bounced on your dick. "Oh can't have you getting to this now came we darling?" he says tauntingly as he rolling his hips making a point to grind down harder and fit more of you into him.

You felt him squeeze at the base of your cock and it made you go wild. "Fuc- Tendou! Please!" you moan. He rolled his hips as he bent down to kiss you. You were becoming so desperate for him. You'd try and fuck up into him but every time you tried he'd just press the knife into your neck.

"Mm~ I guess I can give you what you want... just use your big boy words for me baby? Please?" he says sucking on your chest. "Fuc- fuck me! Please- please fuck me." you say. A smile pulls at the ends of his lips as he kisses your forehead resuming his previous pace. "Mh-m shit! You feel so good." you moan.

He rested his hand on your chest while the other held onto the knife, applying pressure to your neck with it every few minutes. "Mm- daddy 'm gonna cum~" you say gripping onto the bedsheets your knuckles going white. "No you aren't baby. You're going to hold it for daddy like a good slut aren't you?

Wouldn't want the knife to slip and cut up your throat now would we..?" he says pressing the cold metal further into your warmer skin. Chills going down your spine, and your cock twitching inside of him at the idea. "N- no sir." you whined as he fucked himself onto you again. "Good boy." he says.

Dragging himself up and down on your length as moans fell from his lips. Throwing his head back as he came to a full stop whimpering as his cock twitched beads of precum leaking from the tip. "Fuck~" he moans softly as he starts bouncing again. Not noticing that the knife was starting to pierce your skin tiny beads of blood making their way to the surface of your neck.

The euphoric feeling of your warm thick length in him while he listened to your pretty little whimpers and moans had him on cloud nine. "Mmpf- fuck i'm gonna cum!" you exclaim. "Ye- yeah me too- fUck~!" he moans as you fuck yourself up into him his movements coming to a halt as his hand grips at your skin dragging his nails down your chest as he throws his head back, his warm seed spilling all over your stomach.

"Daddy- daddy please, please let me cum!" you beg tears pricking your eyes. Getting off of you and immediately going down to put your dick in his mouth. Sucking on the tip while he uses his hands to get to the rest of you. "Fuck fuck fuck-" you say cutting yourself off as you cum. Tendou hums softly smiling to himself as he swallows your cum, licking any extra off of you to make sure it doesn't go to waist.

[boneheadduluc]

I'm in need of some Andrea smut every time I read something about him there is no sex because this was in the 30's and it would be inappropriate to do it before marriage. So...let's get inappropriate (?

no mommy kink please, i can't cope with that

Actually this was going to happen v/ soon in my fic of Andrea BUT I'll write a quick drabble/one shot for you bc same! we need that in our lives :) I'll be doing gender neutral reader for dis ;) Warnings!! 18+ , loss of virginity, perhaps slight edging? oral on reader (female presenting) and NO mommy kink per request :)

Rules were rules. Marry a nice man, then lose your virginity. You had been following those rules. Even now, you lived alone in a small cottage on a hill. And you still haven't lost it. You never felt inclined too really...and you were fine with that. It's just everyone in the village usually was a kid or a senior. No one was around your age, so you preferred a secluded kind of life. 

 Even if that meant following rules you didn't want to follow. You hated that you didn't have a choice. You hated how your parent's voice replayed in your head over and over. Telling you “wait! get married first!” You were sick of it, you were desperate sure, not desperate enough to lose it to whoever you met, but then...

 a new boy showed up, you learned his story since you were a bit close with Janet and Ursula, the old sisters who were housing the young man. So you met him, and god... he was just your type.

Plus they invited you over so he could play for you? meaning the violin. At first, you felt a little out of place... until he started playing. Needless to say, he was more than talented than you expected. You’d never heard anything like it, afterward, he wanted to talk to you surprisingly. 

“What is you name?” he tried his best to speak, you were told his English wasn't the best so you found it more endearing than anything and applauded his effort since he’d only been here for a few weeks. So you looked to him, sitting beside you with wide eyes and rosy cheeks. His hair was a bit shaggy as he shook the hair out of his eyes.

“Oh, my name is (y/n).” You gave a warm smile, shifting in your seat to face him more. “And you are Andrea, yes?” and he nodded before he repeated your name warmly, and honestly you loved the way it sounded in his mouth.

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Weeks passed, you visiting, Andrea playing for you, afterward, you would talk to Andrea, his English noticeably getting better. And sometimes he would even be a bit of a flirt. So one day you just asked the sisters if they would allow you to take him into town. You did your best to sound as friendly as possible and it seemingly worked.

You showed him a few of your favorite places, took him dancing to the pub. Though he wasn't a very good dancer, you had to kind of show him. Guiding his hands to land on your hips and pull you close, telling him to watch your feet as he got red because honestly he couldn't help but stare at your face. 

Then finally he asked to see your home. And you couldn't help be nervous, he had been making eyes at you all day, smirking like a cat with cunning eyes. Like he had so much more in that head of his, thoughts that he wasn't sharing. Plus he was already holding hands with you, keeping you close to him as he kept calling you ‘Liebling.’ And of course you didn't refuse him, not at all. So by the time, you were halfway up the path on the mountain and he slowly stopped walking, staring at you with a sweet smile. 

“Something the matter Andrea?” you questioned- confused as to why he had stopped. He moved slowly, stepping closer to you, leaning in, quickly pressing a kiss to your cheek. Then backing away, checking your eyes for permission. You nodded and Andrea knitted his brows together, exhaling through his nose as he slowly moved to press a kiss to your other cheek. Gently. Wonderfully. Then your forehead. The tip of your nose, then finally his mouth hovered over your own. Breath shaking with feverish anticipation.

You ached to lean in and finish what he started, but you wanted to see if Andrea would do it himself, and after about 5 nervous seconds you felt him roughly slot his lips against your own.

You were lost, blindly lost to pleasure and yearning. You barely realized the way you pulled him up the hill, mouths slotted together as you rushed backward, your back soon up against your door, your hands at his waistband, he moaned against your mouth.

And soon enough you were turned around and inside and he was walking backward as you led him to your bed. Pushing against his chest as he sat and you climbed his lap. Kissing him so harshly you felt your teeth clink against his own, embarrassed you pulled back, your hand coming to your lips. 

“I apologize, Andrea-” You were breathless, with shy eyes and flushed cheeks. 

He looked the same, though less embarrassed. More lustful than anything. 

“No, no-” He started softly. “You are wonderful.” He spoke slowly, catching your eyes as he brushed your hair out of your face with his thumbs. Putting a strand of hair behind your ear lovingly. 

“But...I need-” He started up again, and he groaned out, almost a whimper really, like he was in pain and that's when you felt something poke against your inner thigh, and then you understood. You ground forward and watched as his mouth fell open. Andreas eyebrows furrowing, his face growing red, a moan caught in his throat.

“Oh, you wonderful creature.” You mused. Almost amazed at the power you held over him. So you did it again and again until he was begging for you to let him cum. 

“Please...Please (y/n)-” He buried his face into your neck, his large hands on your waist, fingers digging in deeply, his shoulders going tense at your dry humping. 

A part of you was nervous honestly. You didn't know if Andrea was also a virgin, but judging by his closeness already ...you were gonna bet on the fact he was, but then again you didn't know what you were doing anyway. 

So instead, you simply stopped. And he stopped breathing. He was frozen actually, and you wondered why, a part of you wanted to laugh, he was curled up into you, unmoving, holding you. 

“Andrea?” you questioned and finally he moved, looking up at you, 

“I do something wrong?” he slowly drawled out, voice tiny and nervous and you shook your head. “No, of course not I just...have you ever done this before?” It was your turn to be tiny and nervous now, especially self-conscious. 

He gulped, Andrea understood. And he slowly shook his head ‘no’

“I'm sorry,” he whispered and it almost broke your heart. 

“Oh my love, no! You have nothing to be sorry for. I have never...done this... either. So it's okay Andrea. And...and honestly, we don't have to do anything if you don't want to.” You cupped his face, giving him a warm smile and he returned one. Slowly pressing a kiss to your lips. 

“I want you.” He whispered after breaking the kiss barely. 

And that was all you needed to push him back on the bed so he was laying down. You climbed atop him, undoing his pants slowly. He raised himself on his elbows, watching you, breathing heavy, eyes flickering back and forth between you and your hands. 

And suddenly he took your hand, putting it away from him. Softly and gently and lovingly.  “first you. Let me...help.” He muttered, looking to you for permission and so you switched roles and he was helping you undress from your light dress. 

And you were naked and self-conscious and nervous in front of him. 

But he was smiling, eyes running over your perfect form. You were perfect to him, everything about you, even the things you considered a flaw, he would reach out, brushing his fingertips lightly over them. He muttered how you were beautiful before reaching with both hands to your thighs. Parting them slowly, gently as all his movements were. 

He slowly moved off the bed, to his knees as he pulled you to the edge of the bed, your legs over his shoulder, his eyes on yours, looking up to you the entire time. Your hands gripped the blankets harshly and nervously. But you nodded at him and he leaned forward, delving his tongue over your entrance. And you moaned, the feeling making you throw your head back. 

And he did it again, though opening his mouth even wider, taking you into his mouth, his tongue lapping up your wetness. Moving up to run over your clit. And you shivered, sensitive all over. 

He realized that was the spot, so he did it once more and got the same reaction, actually an even bigger one. Your back was beginning to arch. Toes curling. 

And he kept eating you out- tongue sometimes delving into you, into your warmth and he would moan against your wetness and heat. Eyelashes fluttering and closing as you would spread your legs further, pushing your cunt against his mouth- thighs shaking and quivering as you felt a knot of heat in your lower stomach slowly coming closer and growing bigger. And finally you were gripping his hair, pulling as he whimpered against you. 

“Oh Andrea- Andrea Im so- Im going to-” You could barely get a full comprehensible sentence out before your thighs were convulsing around his head and your back arching and a loud moan was drawn out from deep within you moaning- screaming his name as a intense orgasm slapped you right across the face, and god- you were exhausted in all honesty. You even fell back on the bed, his tongue still on you though as if he couldn't get enough, nose sometimes even nudging up against your clit as he hungrily and greedily tasted everything in you. 

And as much as it was amazing soon you were becoming over sensitive and with each lick and moan of his against your pussy you were being shocked, body twitching and you pulled back, breathless, a mess for a lack of a better term. 

And you began to chuckle as well as he rose up now, smirking at you, his lips and chin, all slick with your wetness and his own spit. And you grinned right back at him, and pulled him down to meet your mouth as you kissed him, without a care in the world. It was almost satisfying to taste yourself on Andreas tongue. 

But finally you broke the kiss, cupping his face as you knew what came next. “Your turn my love.” You muttered. Sitting up now as you went for his belt, undoing it slowly, hoping he wouldn't stop you again. Though it was worth it last time. But he allowed you to- Andrea even began unbuttoning his shirt. Throwing it to the floor along with your dress, as you followed up with taking off his belt and pulling the pants away- his cock finally free and hard. Fully upright, beads of pre-cum forming at his reddened tip. He was so desperate, it was clear in his expression. Mouth slightly agape as he watched you. 

You thought for a moment, wondering on what you should do now. On what position and honestly how all of this was gonna go. A part of you was scared as you shuffled back on the bed, and patted the space beside you, signaling him to come be by you, but first he began shuffling out of his shoes, then along with his pants until he was fully naked. The look on his face signaling he didn't want you to feel self conscious with him being half clothed, so he decided he too would be fully undressed for this.  He moved beside you now, huffing out a short breath, nervous. It was clear so you pulled him close, kissing his jawline softly.  “Lets go slow, yes?” You mumbled to him softly. He looked up at you, shoulders tense as he nodded. “Yes mien Liebling.” he whispered back, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he furrowed his brows again for you were laying back now, resting your head on the pillow as you slightly spread your legs for him to fit in between. So he moved to lean over you, head of his cock teasing against your lower belly softly, it made him whimper as you couldn't help but giggle as you looked up to him, he looked beautiful this way.  “Should I- uhm..” he stuttered, cheeks burning red as he lowered himself slightly, trying to align himself with your entrance.  “Yes Andrea- go ahead.” You bit at your lower lip, eyes gazing as he closed his eyes, throbbing tip budding at your opening, he pushed his hips forward, his tip sliding in before it slipped upwards, you really were that tight- though you felt bad, for if you were more relaxed it would've gone in easier. “I apologize-” you mutter, exhaling shakily but he shakes his head.  “No- not your fault.” Andrea shares a calming smile, his eyes shining as he looks deeply into your eyes.  “I try again.” he reassured and positioned his cock to your entrance once more, this time sliding it in your slickness and heat easily. You held your breath, feeling him stretch you wide, Andrea on the other hand groaned out, whimpered as his head fell into the crook of your neck. You couldn't imagine how sensitive he must be at the moment.  He kept sliding in until he couldn't anymore, and he filled you to the brim, you felt so full and couldn't help but moan softly, your hands going to the back of his nape, playing with his hair, twirling it around your fingers, admiring the feeling of his warm body atop of yours, holding you. he stayed still, immediately understanding you would need some time to adjust. So you two stayed still, breathing and trying to figure this all out, he lifted his head, and you just stared at him until the two of you broke into small laughter. Warm chuckles filling the air around you, and you caught his lips softly, he laughed into your mouth even- so shy and nervous, Andrea couldn't help it. But after a minute of kissing and nervously giggling you finally felt ready. You broke the warm kiss. And caught his eyes. “Andrea I think I'm ready...move...please?” You muttered shyly- you didn't want to sound demanding but were soon relived when he just smiled at you. Giving you a look as to say “of course.”  And he pulled out halfway, inhaling deeply as he then slid back in setting up a pace, not to fast not to slow, just right honestly. And that's when you felt the pleasure slowly beginning to take over the slight discomfort. When he soon began pumping into you like a animal in heat. You moaned his name over and over, arching your back as you watched his face turn desperate. He would mutter in polish and German. whispering into your ear and you couldn't help but scratch at his back. He changed his angle slightly, cock hitting your g-spot. 

“Oh! Oh Andrea you- oh fuck.” You cursed, closing your eyes. “Yes harder please.” you moaned out, feverishly. Everything felt so hot, you were even sweating across your forehead slightly.  And he did as you commanded, pushing harder, fucking into you, moaning brokenly each time he pushed in. The squeeze of your pussy around him making him lightheaded even. He dropped his head to your chest eventually. Tongue finding its way to your nipple. Opening wide and sucking on your breast. And you felt so sensitive, everything overwhelming you but in the best way possible. 

“Oh yes, yes-” you chanted, breathless and suddenly wrapped your thighs around him, flipping the two of you over so you were on top, he gasped- eyes wide as he looked to you, his face becoming flushed once more- the sight of him was enough to push you to the edge as you began to bounce on his cock, suddenly reaching you climax, steadying yourself by putting your hands to Andreas chest- your back arching as you clenched around his cock, falling forward now- pushing your lips together. 

He kept thrusting into you though- desperate to cum inside, “Please- please.” He begged for release, closing his eyes as you groaned softly, your insides sensitive as you sat back up, and it only took 2 bounces on his cock for Andrea to be moaning out your name- as he gripped your thighs and soon you felt his warm seed fill you up, he whimpered and fucked into you harshly now- sitting up and pulling you close, fitting his mouth over your tit to muffle the shameful sounds spilling out of him. 

As he fucked through his climax he soon began to slow down, exhausted as you moaned- feeling him suck your nipples softly now, closing his eyes as his breathing calmed. 

You ran your fingers through his hair softly. Kissing the top of his head- satisfied now and he now popped off your tit, lips a bright color that matched his cheeks. He smiled at you and you grinned back, pressing a kiss to his nose. You raised yourself off of him, and you felt his warm seed inside of you, you adored the feeling as you rolled off and laid down- he lowered himself to be by you. 

“You were amazing Andrea- absolutely wonderful.” You sighed softly as his hand reached your stomach, drawing invisible lines with his fingers over the soft skin. Andrea shyly smiled now. “Danke.” he whispered in German, you knew what it meant and chuckled softly. 

“Im sleepy.” you whispered, and it was true- your eyes were heavy and Andrea nodded. “Sleep.” he kissed your cheek warmly. And so you did, you fell asleep to him cuddled beside you, humming a tune that was familiar to you.