#didn't expect that post from last night to get more than like 2 notes lol

[daisywords]

OK WRITEBLR NEW GAME (tag game or opt in)

A) pick one or a few of your characters

B) drop every physical attribute of theirs that is described (or implied) in canon/in your draft (so far!) bonus if you quote the parts with the description directly from the text

C) are there any other physical characteristics they have they you are sure about but haven't made it into the text (yet)? what are they?

[curio-queries]

ARE YOU SURE?!

Episode 4 production Notes

Again, I genuinely didn't think I'd have anything to say at this point about this episode. I had such a good time the first time I watched it, just smiling the whole way through. There is one thing that did stick in my brain a little bit though so here I am again with another post.

Episode Break Points

We honestly can't be making any final conclusions at this point but there is starting to emerge a picture of how the production team approached the development of this show as an episodic release. The question that was rattling around my brain after watching episode 4 was how they are choosing their cut points between episodes. We really only have three data points right now which is not enough to definitively identify their intent but it does start to paint the picture a little bit. Sometimes, the break point is beyond obvious, like cutting ep.2 at the end of the USA trip. But when there's not a definitive line, a choice has to be made when to bring one episode to a close and start another.

Some shows use the changing of the day as a break point but that's not necessarily always the best choice to make for the narrative of the show. For example, the break between eps 1 and 2 is in the morning after JK has his coffee and makes the stone tower. This better served the momentum of the episode and wrapped up the story beat of JM's rough night. Ep 2 then starts on a high note with JK's motorbike ride. In my opinion, this was an excellent choice as we close ep.1 feeling all cozy and ep.2 begins with a little bit of excitement.

A Look Back

So why am I bringing this up now? It's because I was so confused as the choice of when to break these two episodes. I don't know if I've decided if it was good/bad/somewhere-in-between but I absolutely was not expecting Episode 4 to start the way it did. Ep 3 ends at the Go Karts and feels like a complete story beat. While ep 4 starts with the drive to the Omakase.

To me, it feels like we're picking up on the last remains of the previous episode and not starting a new section. Which is honestly, kind of counterintuitive. Why would it feel like that? They're literally on their way to the next activity. I suspect it has more to do with the tonal momentum. The guys are still coming down from all of the energy they expended from Rock Climbing and racing and are having a well-deserved relaxing drive. Even the brief moments we see of JK on the motorbike are quite chill. (mostly because there's not really a great way to get action footage on a bike in the dark lol).

So...to see if I could support my suspicion, or if I was just bringing something else into my viewing experience, I decided to rewatch the whole series so far and rank every story beat on a scale for how energetic/intense I felt the narrative was supporting.

A couple of notes before you judge my rankings:

This data is the very definition of subjective. if I redid this same exercise even the next day, I'm sure I would disagree with myself on certain rankings so you certainly don't have to agree with my rankings.

If a storybeat had a noticeable tonal shift, I entered it twice and included both rankings. If it just varied a bit, I entered a ranking more representative of the scene as a whole.

This won't be reflective of the time occupied by each story beat. Some sections are longer than others but with sustained energy so it doesn't translate in this visual representation how much of an impact on the overall tone of the episode any one of these are.

I also added a star at the end of each episode of my median scores. I feel that this was a better representation of the overall tone of each episode rather than an average but that's just my personal view on this teeny dataset. Please don't come for me analytics folks! This is just a post for funzies, not proper analysis!

So What?

The point was curious about is in the gap between eps 3 & 4. Everywhere else there's a pretty clear shift in the start and end of the energy but that gap looks like it was just a step that was missed in what could have been a continual episode.

Here are the runtimes of each episode so far:

USA: 56 min

USA: 72 Min

Jeju: 56 min

Jeju: 70 min

I don't have any conclusions about why it was done this way other than they felt the tonal break was the sacrifice for keeping the Omakase story line in tact. Which honestly, I agree. There would have been time to include the drive in the previous episode but it would have left us on an unfinished storybeat. This is one of the reasons that we never get footage of the members return trip from their travel shows. Bon Voyage ends every episode with the members remarking on the trip overall. Even though we know they have to return home, we don't see it because that would start to build energy for whatever they're doing next and not the story of their trip.

Even in ITS1 when the members do return home in the middle, we see them packing up and getting in the cars but the episode ends before they really start traveling. (Actually it ends before they even let Jin in the car so they're definitely not on their way yet!)

Commercials?

I have a question for anyone that's watching this with ads. I don't really watch streaming content so I'm curious, do the ad breaks just randomly occur? Or does it seem like they're intentionally scheduled? Building story breaks for commercials was a huge focus of legacy tv and I'd be interested to learn more about how streaming services are incorporating it (not enough to not have commercials though, I get insta-rage when the content I'm consuming is interrupted lol). I vaguely remember getting frustrated when I was attempting to watch something at my parent's over the holidays but I don't recall if it seemed structured or not.

That's it. That's all I've got to say right now. We're definitely getting a lot more to the story of this show and I'm absolutely loving it. I'm going to be away for a bit next week and I honestly don't know when I'll fit in watching episode 5 but I'm very much looking forward to it!

If you've seen this post and are interested in some more of my thoughts on Are You Sure, here's a link to my AYS MasterList. Still can't believe I've rambled so much about this show but it's been fun! Thanks to everyone that's been rambling with me!

[helluvapurf]

*deep breathes* Sooo, those last couple mins from the latest "Full Moon" ep... lets talk about that🍵🍵

Welp, here it is folks... the ep that finally gave us that hyped up "Asmodeon crystal" exchange teased at in the S2 Pt. 2 trailer. And... hooooo boi, I have formed so. many. thoughts. upon rewatching that scene a few times. Some that are... kiiiinda on the rant-y spectrum the more I lingered on 'em, so how bout I share them here lmao

Fair warning in advance, this maaaaay not be particularly "nice" to Stolas in these rambling thoughts, so if anyone out there's a big Stolas(+itz) fan... yall might wanna skip reading ahead- lol .w.;;

*claps*

Okay, so to start things off on a (semi?) positive note, the animation & lighting here is quite beautiful to look at. The glittery curtains, the shine in Blitz's eyes throughout his shifting emotions, even the shots of that one broken chandelier (which I thiiink might've been the same one him & Stolas played under as kids?) was a neat bit of symbolism ngl.

Props to Brandon Rogers as well for his voice-performance on Blitz here cause... gawd did it hit me in the heart how much hurt you feel from his yelling ;-;💔

Curious to see more of the use of Blitz's new Asmodeon crystal in future adventures (esp from that one shot in the trailer w/ him using the portal effects against the DHORK crew), it looks cool~ ✨👍

....ummmm, ok I think that about covers my positives atm. Onto the problems I have with this exchange:

Stolas... okay, you were this close to actually doing a good job ending the Full Moon deal. Admitting to how "wrong" the transaction part of their dynamic was, allowing Blitz more "freedom" via-the crystal (that could also help avoid any legal issues that the Grimoire gave), even wishing him good luck with his I.M.P. business as the night drew to a close... ...buuuuut then Stolas just had to muddle everything up by his whole "even tho you don't have to be with me, I want you with me if you want it~🥺" ...which honestly came off selfish to me than anything else?? Like, dude... if you really ARE regretful of how long you let this deal go for, and truly DO want to let Blitz go... you CAN'T throw in such sappy, lovey-dovey words on top of that?? Otherwise, how can one blame Blitz for getting as confused & flustered as he was throughout that convo... you've basically just sent even more mixed-messages in the grand scheme of things, my dude-🤦‍♀️

"I have wanted you for SO long, the fact that you couldn't believe that I might have these feelings about you, that your first instinct is that its always about sex..." ...Ummmmm Stolas... did you seriously forget HOW this whole deal of yall's started?? 🤨 Waaaay back in the initial-series pilot, to the first official ep, and pretty much the majority of Season 1:

As far as I checked, Blitz wasn't the one who kept making everything about sex... that. was all. YOU. 😒Heck, literally one of the first things you told Blitz upon reuniting as adults in "The Circus", was that you expected he wanted to "ravish" you-

-so like, get outta here with the whole pushing-the-perv-responsibility-bs onto Blitz... you ain't helping your case >>

Finally... like, it was already getting bad enough by the point of Blitz begging & pleading out of fear he'd lose his livelihood without the book, AND not being allowed space to breathe after getting further pushed away (and thus, more pissed off-)... but THEN on top of all this, Stolas just haaaaad to throw in this lil gem: "Blitz... I think so very highly of you. I didn't realize you think so low of me..." ...Stolas, with all due respect... stfu with that lousy, last-minute uwu-ing self-pity party crap😑Just because you TRIED to show more attentive care & concern post-"Ozzie's", outside of the typical bedroom stuff... that ain't gonna prove shit if you're not gonna be consistent with it. Where was that "high opinion" of Blitz during the two of you getting stuck in the sitcom set during "Seeing Stars", when Blitz was having that panic attack performing live, where all you ended up doing was... just hitting on him/praising his bedroom skills again?? 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Like... couldn't you have just, I dunno... TRY to actually cheer him up/comfort him like an actual friend, would? Encourage him on his jokes, "just be yourself", promising another way out of there on his own merit... literally, anything could've worked fine and it wouldn't have come off so skeezy imho >>;;

...*sighs* so, yeah... thats basically what I had to get off my chest regarding the ending of "Full Moon". Honestly, had the writers actually committed to Stolas cutting off Blitz (even if harsh), giving the crystal with no strings, then going about their separate ways afterwards, I would've been totally fine with the scene tbh. But all this... odd lowkey-blaming of Blitz thrown in, the sappy words, and Stolas not once actually-apologizing during all this (Like, literally I checked and the only utterance of "sorry" seemed to come from Blitz's end before he got kicked out... for what, I dunno- 🤷‍♀️). Sorry for the length btw, but hopefully that about covers my thoughts on the matter-

[beautifulpersonpeach]

BPP, am really really interested to read your thoughts on Seven!

*

Ask 2: Hey bpp, can i be honest?? Ive been checked out of the fandom but still keep track of any music releases. So i didnt know abt any rumors abt 7. Imagine me being kind of disappointed that it’s another english song from jk when i watched the mv😅 it feels like his most promoted songs since last year has been all eng song… idk i wanted & expted something diff… i didnt like l&r, dreamers and now 7… it’s back to back lol. Tbf i didnt like My You too and thats in korean. At least not enough to listen!again after the first listen.

Im happy that still with you is finally on spotify tho. I’ll still be waiting excited for his album whenever it comes out. Hopefully ill find something i like in it!!

**

[BPP Note: Both asks above were sent before my "I don't like it..." post. The asks posted below were sent afterwards.]

**

Ask 3:

Same here

All the hype didn't matched with the song

1. rest members songs had so much depth and substance to it while this was the cliche boy chasing a girl song. Like we always dont need deep songs but the quality could be so much better. This was like just another pop song.

I think I'll put this on same level as BAD DECISIONS. But for bad decisions, atleast the chorus was staying on my mind while for this nothing was catchy enough for us to humm. Just because it's JK it will get hype but otherwise it's so generic. I think I liked LEFT and RIGHT way better than Seven. Even the rap portion felt so unnecessary and boring.

2. MV was kinda nice because of the production but concept was too shallow, the stalking and chasing was so outdated. In my country we have like 9293928843837 MVs in this same concept that not many make the same theme songs again.

3. The choreography. We haven't seen the full version. But for tiktok they do the highlight portions if that's so mediocre idk how rest will be. It was again giving the same mediocre showing off choreography and for me backdancers ruined it with their awkward moves.

4. they wanted this song to be played everywhere around the world. But there was nothing catchy enough to attract gp or go viral on tiktok, even if we sped it up. The only way to make everyone listen is to shove it down their throat but doing payola. But idk if investing in payola is worthy for the song. I also doubt the longietivity, as for me it was boring after 2 listens. I'll rather listen Like Crazy or wildflower or closer 20 times than listening this once.

5. I HOPE he'll bring something fresh to the table for his album and don't involve this mediocre producers who uses the same formula and same superstar persona to make a song successful. He is so much talented to sing a song which is so rich in melody and lyrics. And he can produce way better songs by himself.

Prolly a 4/10 for me

*

Ask 4: troye sivan's rush (which also came out last night) is exactly what I wish Seven was. I don't mean that in a 'I expect the things JK to make to be gay' way just in the way it's a fun, very danceable, sexy summer song that doesn't pull its punches. Something about seven feels too run through a commercial sanitizer a few times, even with the explicit lyrics.

***

Hi Anon(s),

Jungkook likes to fuck.

Rather, Andrew Watt likes to fuck and thinks Jungkook can relate.

JK has been talking about wanting to show more mature and explicit sides of himself for a good long while now. So I’m glad he’s finally gotten to do that, confirming for us why he keeps getting noise complaints from his neighbours since the mattresses all over his apartment don't help.

BTS has made songs explicitly referring to sex before (though it's been mostly the rapline doing so). So it's nothing new but I guess it's cool JK gets to share with us that he too has sex.

The question I posed to my friends immediately after watching the MV is, “Do you know who's been doing A&R for BigHit since 2020? I really need to know who is doing A&R for BigHit in America because they’ve been doing an appalling job lately. I'm starting to wonder if it's an inside job cause this song is kinda ass.”

That was me ~11 hours ago.

I didn’t like the song.

I’ve streamed Seven about 20 times since then I think, took a break from the song for a few hours, watched his GMA performance, caught a few minutes of the Wlive, then listened to it again just before writing this post and…

I still don’t like it.

Jungkook did a good job on the song, Latto's verse wasn't terrible, and while the song itself isn’t bad… the song isn’t good either.

It’s painfully, and at this point it’s a pattern so I have to add, predictably, mediocre.

Reserving judgement for the album, but Anons, I agree with you for the most part. The suits at BigHit are trying but they are woefully out of touch with the reasons BTS blew up in the West in the first place. I don't even feel like spending any energy doing a review or even trying to explain what I mean. So I'll just ramble on for a bit but try to keep it brief.

---

I have to give BigHit some credit because I can see what they're going for here. Andrew Watt is a very celebrated producer in the US, he won the Grammy award for Producer of the Year in 2021, he's got A listers in his portfolio. So, he's not a cheap name to book and I can see why the suits at BigHit thought he's the genius to gift them a song clinically designed for American radio.

But that pandejo phoned it in. There isn't a lick of creativity to be found anywhere in all 3 minutes and five seconds.

It reminds me of VIBE by Jimin and Taeyang, as the closest analog to the vague dissatisfaction morphing into annoyance and then pragmatic rationalization I experienced in that same sequence when listening to it the first few times.

The song is disappointing because we've all heard it before. Too many times, and we're bored of it. We've heard JK sing this sort of song for years, as covers mostly. So on one hand, while I guess it's nice JK gets to have an American summer JB-reject pop tune of his own, it's not good enough to be the track that introduces him to the world as a solo artist.

It's fine for any white, blonde, blue-eyed heartthrob that can ride on a pretty face and implicit bias to rack up accolades, it's not good enough for Jungkook.

And BigHit needs to start using whatever leverage a US$10.6 billion market capitalization buys you in Hollywood, to insist for songs that are at least as good as the songs made by BTS members and produced by their in-house team. It's a waste of money and everybody's time to fly a battalion to LA just to record 2014's summer hit in 2023.

In my opinion.

Still With You > Stay Alive > My Time > Stay > Left & Right > My You > Dreamers > Seven

*

All that said, I can't ignore JK has a taste for songs like this, and it's not his fault the song is shit (he didn't write, compose or produce it), so technically he shouldn't be punished for it. And the song is made for radio, while it's not my personal taste a lot of people really like the song (one of my friends likes Seven the most out of all the BTS releases so far), and it will catch on with some support. So, ARMY will support it including me, just to a lesser degree than I've done so far. Fingers crossed JJK1 has something solid on it.

[practicecourts]

Fic Author Self Rec

Fic authors self-rec! ✨ When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers ❤️

Thank you for the tag @annabtg

In no real order below you'll find 5 stories that I'm proud of writing.

But first, I want to let you know how much fun it is to receive these kinds of questions that make you think about what you're writing/have written... so thanks for that!! Also, to anyone who takes the time to read any of my stories, I want to apologise for all my writing errors (if you see any feel free to point them out to me;-) If you did enjoy something it's an absolute high for me to hear about that as well. I've learned so much in the past year just by starting to write and post and getting hearts & comments. I've met some amazing people online through this that have become friends I hope, and I've learned a lot from their feedback. I also want to thank anyone who ever wrote me kind comments. You have no idea how much that has encouraged me to try new things (I'd never in a million years thought I'd be writing an alternative Animages story or anything actually smutty, let alone more than just one or two things.), and this encouragement has made writing even more fun! It's something else when someone tells you they like the world or story you've created. (another thing about going back and picking 5 works, is that it made me see some sort of growth in my writing, but also it makes me want to hide a bit under a rock somewhere or edit the hell out of my earlier posted things) Self-esteem is a fickle thing. so again thanks for this ask/tag. 1) It Was a Clear Black Night, a Clear White Moon Jily, 7k. Hogwarts jily-challenge One shot.

Lily Evans, Head Girl, sees Jame Potter, Head Boy, sneak out of the castle on a full moon. She decides to follow him, perhaps not the best idea she ever had.

I'm proud of how this story turned out quite thrilling and not slap-stick (or at least I don't think so- lol) and also has some sweetness, and humour mixed with seriousness. Werewolves & full moons are serious business after all.

2) Beggin' Jily, 7k. One-shot. A tale of Jily moments seen through the eyes of Peter Pettigrew. He tries to make sense of his life, the war and the big things in the world such as love, friendship and how to survive after Hogwarts. He also wants very much to apologise. (see the end notes for spoilers). This idea wouldn't let me go and that's why it's here. Don't read this if you don't like sad things. I feel this is bittersweet and personally, that's something I enjoy reading myself.

3) Head over Handlebars For You Jily, multichapter Muggle AU unfinished 11/15, currently 39k. My first ever Jily Challenge prompt was the following: I hit you with my car/broom and was the only one to visit you in the hospital. Because I ride a carrier bike (with kids, a dog, or groceries in;-) almost every day, I wanted very much to have this crash happen with a carrier bike. As I feel the stigma is very much a family/mother bicycle I wanted James to be riding it. This story also has evolved into something I didn't expect (It's still the general idea I once had but I severely underestimated how much more to the story there was, and I've learnt a whole lot, just from writing this. I think this story is fun, a bit sexy, has some excitement, humour and has some serious moments. And there will be romance. because it's a jily modern fairy tale after all. I'm hoping to finish up the last 3-4 chapters and post them in April/May. 4) Revelation 1,3 K One shot - microfic. I like Lily's thoughts in this, I loved to try to write something short but still have something big happen. And I'm very much in awe of all the people who do that (say a lot in little words) much much better than me! Difficult to pick the last one, as much as I want to hide under a rock, and how much I'd like to improve all of them, there was a lot of love and time put into writing them ;-) but rules are rules... 5) Not the Doctor this is a crazy texting fic that is very much based on real life facts ;-) the hilariousness of having a James Potter Face claim actually work in the gynaecology department, and the horrors of said visit were impossible to ignore and then the story basically wrote itself. It's not deep. I'm sure it's not very good either, but it was fun *to write*. Not to worry, it all ends well (both in this fic as IRL ;-)

Tagging @abihastastybeans @uncertainwallflower @turanga4 @glitterwitch1 @lanaturnergetup

[andromedastar]

⛅ Couple: Bruno Buccellati × F! Reader | silent room part 3

✒ Words: 740

⚠ Warning: NSFW, loss of virginity, vanilla, oral sex, masturbation, unprotected sex

📇 Synopsis: The first time with your capo is something to remember.

💬 Author's Note: Here's the last part :)

Again, I'm sorry if this ending isn't as good as I'd like (unexpected things happen lol). Enjoy!

Part 1

Part 2

NSFW after cutting

You were barely able to understand what he said before you felt his cock make space through your tight walls. You felt the same uncomfortable feeling as when he placed his finger on you, but this time there was a little bit of pain mixed in from the broken hymen. It wasn't unbearable, however, you just needed some time to get used to the new sensation. Bruno gave you that time, remaining still for a few seconds before forming a slow, steady rhythm, gradually increasing as your moans became more frequent.

It didn't take long for the damn pain to be replaced by pleasure again. You let go of the man's hands to tightly hug his torso and hold him close to you as you moaned his name like a sacred mantra, as if it was all you knew to say. One of his hands reached out to cup one of your breasts, running his fingers over your sensitive nipple and sending another wave of shivers through your entire body.

It was all perfect: the way he hit your most sensitive nerves exactly, the way their bodies fit together as if they were made for each other, the heat that radiated from his being. It was hard to explain how certain you were that the two of you were born to be together. You got to pray to all the saints you could think of that this night wouldn't end, that you'd have him around forever, that you'd have so many countless nights in the same way, that you'd live a long life by his side, just like those romance movies you watched when you were little. Praying that please, just please, he wouldn't leave.

"Santa merda… Honey… Where do you want me to come?".

You hadn't thought of that, to be honest with you. Your eyes shift to the figure above you and you swallow the lump that has formed in your throat, waiting a few seconds to be able to respond.

"I-In the belly, I think".

Bruno muttered in response, hiding his head in the crook of your neck and, after a few more deep thrusts, pulled his cock out of your uterus. You grabbed it quickly as an instinctive act, which caused Buccellati to let out a sigh so sweet it made you let out a small laugh. You clumsily bombed it a few times until you got a good enough rhythm. In turn, he extended his hand to your clit and began to massage it rhythmically, bringing you back to the flow state you were in before.

It didn't take long for him to come in your stomach. Even though you were a little unconscious, you could feel his face tighten into an exaggerated grimace through the skin of your neck. You came soon after, for the second time that night, letting out a shy, silent moan in the process. You felt the weight of the man's body against yours, but no, you weren't able to react. Your limbs ached and felt more sensitive than usual, but maybe that's to be expected, as you went through a tangle of mental and physical sensations that night. Maybe this is just post-sex exhaustion.

"Are you okay, tesoro?" he said as he got up to lie down beside you, his voice a little hoarse.

"Why the fuck did it take us so long to do this?".

He let out a genuine laugh, straining with difficulty, picking up a piece of clothing from the floor to clean the mess he'd made on your body. You couldn't tell whose it was because, again, the room was dark and you couldn't see much with your teary eyes. Either way, you'd have to wash your clothes and bedsheets tomorrow morning.

"I don't know…" Bruno replied, opening his lips right away as if he wanted to continue the sentence, but the words were lost somewhere in his brain. Instead, he lay on your side and wrapped his arms around your waist, getting you as close to him as possible to the point where you could hear his heart beating in his chest.

At that moment, you stopped to notice the silence of the city again. Nothing but your quiet breathing could be heard in that room, and it stayed that way until you felt sleep creeping over you, taking over your body.

"Sogni d'oro stella mia. Tomorrow is going to be a long day".

[holidaywishes]

Let’s Catch Up...

I've spent another month on dating apps and the results are... pretty damn similar. I kept going with conversations I had started before the start of June and did a week of solely swiping right to see how many matches I would get. It was a long week, that happened to wind up being the last week of the month (save a few days) but the general outcome was that Tinder and Badoo were the successes. At least in terms of numbers.

Here's the breakdown:

Badoo

For the entirety of the month, I had one date from here - it had been rescheduled once and we had a mix-up of where we were supposed to meet. I gave my number to one guy who I had been talking to at the start of this whole experiment but he's proven to be.. elusive to say the least.

To be honest, I still don’t think this app is for me. Even if I did get a date from here who seemed to be a decent guy. The fact is, dating at my age only garners attention from people at the top of the age range, at least for me (I know that won’t be the same for everyone but it was my experience.) I didn’t really keep a good record after day one, but from what I can gather of all my notes -- yes, I took notes, -- is that I matched with an average of 4.86 guys on Badoo for the whole week. That number would probably be lower if I only averaged the number of conversations I started or the dates I went on.

Bumble

What the hell is going on with the guys on Bumble? I was supposed to have a date yesterday with a guy from the app but he wouldn't communicate with me clearly so I accidentally stood him up and now he hasn't responded to me since I told him I wouldn't ditch my mom to talk to him on the phone for an hour.

I’ve always had a bit of an issue with Bumble. I’m not one for talking first, because I don’t know what the best icebreaker is and no one wants to respond to “hey.” So, like I said, I didn’t really keep track but from what I could tell, my average was 7.36 but I often forget about matches on there and they expire. That number is probably much higher lol.

Hinge

I did have a date from Hinge during this week of swiping right on everyone -- or in Hinge's case, liking everyone -- but it had just been scheduled that way. We had matched even before I started the experiment but the conversations were always a bit weird and I could never tell why. He's a nice guy but he's more a friend than someone I could see myself dating. As for the app, I never got any new matches. No new likes. Nothing...

That being said, the matches on this app were the easiest to keep track of... because there was nothing to track. I only had one date so when I added him into my average, I got a whopping 0.25 matches! It’s a weird app and I don’t think that it’s for me either. I wanted it to work because I think that it has the ability to form genuine connections in people, however, you have to match with people in order for those connections to start and for me, it just doesn’t seem to be happening.

Tinder

So, Tinder was a bit of a surprise to me. It's a numbers game honestly. It's the app that everyone knows or heard about first so everyone and their dog is on it. But, because it's a dating app, you never really know what you're gonna get. I think I have a very specific type, physically, which I like to say is "guys who are way too out of my league" i.e. the tall, handsome, athletic guys I could never ever get. None of the guys I had conversations with on Tinder during the last week was my type. One of the guys I matched with was so my type that I was trying so hard to play it cool but he just never initiated a conversation so he's just like sitting in my list and I'm trying desperately not to give into him.

Tinder had a lot going on during this week-long experiment. The tally was all over the place, averaging 51.63 matches, but that’s not a typical thing for me on these apps. Because of how specific my taste is, I typically unmatch with a lot of the guys who match with me on Tinder and then I’m left with maybe 10 guys with who I might consider continuing a conversation. Out of this average, I’ve only kept having conversations with 2 guys, setting up 1 date for Friday and a possible date with the other in like a week when he gets back from camping. I think I’ve started to sabotage both of them because I just.. don’t know how to do the dating thing.

Unfortunately, I’ll probably keep using Tinder. Even though I hate it. Even though the guys are often creepy. Even though I don’t match with my “type.” Even though it likes to play these games ("vibes,” “hot takes,” “swipe night,” etc.”) The fact is, it has the most options. If the conversation doesn’t work, or the vibe doesn’t work, unmatching is easy but Tinder has the majority of people to match with because it’s such a common app. Most of the time, It’s a blow to my ego but every now and then, someone cute comes along and boosts the ego a bit. If only for a minute.

In conclusion:

It’s like a freakin’ essay up in this bitch. I wish I could’ve written all my essays as Tumblr posts -- they would’ve been far more entertaining -- but I digress.

If anything, this whole thing is an experiment in sexuality and how comfortable I could be in my own body. I wanted it to be about finding someone I had a genuine connection with and who I felt like I could tell my truth to without being judged but in the end, I did feel extremely judged.

But not about sex.

Most guys were curious why I was still a virgin but it wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it was going to be. There were guys who made me feel like I should feel free to explore my body and my sexuality and they made me feel beautiful; even if it was in the form of innuendos and double entendre's.

No, no. When they found out I had never been in a relationship before, suddenly nothing made sense and they had all these questions and they felt pressured even though I told them that I had no expectations. The more times that I got asked "why have you never been in a relationship?" the more I wanted to delete the apps, curl up in my skin and die.

If I knew why I've never been in a relationship, then I would have been in a relationship by now...

It just felt so humiliating to keep explaining it over and over again and I couldn't believe this is where everyone was going to focus on. That being said, the guys who didn't focus on my relationship status or my virginity, more or less ghosted me and I was doing everything in my power not to double message them. I finally understand why people go after people who treat them like sh*t. Like, yes, I'm getting attention from other people but I'm not getting your attention and it's confusing the hell outta me. Look, if I'm being honest, I know that everyone's experiences are different and everyone is looking for something different on different apps. I am one of these people who have a very specific type and it's hard for me to get past that, even when I do match with perfectly nice guys outside of my preferences. I think there's part of me that knows I'll never end up with a guy who's my "type" so I don't try as hard or I sabotage things too quickly but I think there's another part of me that thinks "fuck it. If I match with this guy and the conversation doesn't go anywhere, then oh well."

So, is it my mindset that's the problem? Are my standards too high? or does my lack of self-esteem come through in conversation?

It's probably all three but I know what kind of a person I am. I know that I care too much, I know that I'm kind, I know that I'm a bubbly person and I know that, in time, I'll find someone who matches my energy and what I want out of this. The bottom line is this: dating apps are fine and they work for some people but dating, in general, is hard.

So... that's my little dating journey. It was a bit of an ego boost and a truly wild ride and I don't really know where to go from here...

[avoresmith]

Off anon so you can respond privately if you prefer. Read the recent update, and as always was blown away, however Jesse's bit threw me for a loop. I felt like maybe I'd missed something or didn't read too closely. So I went back and re-read parts of previous chapters with more 'intimate' moments Jesse's had, and I'm not sure how Jesse's dick works? Or why Genji did not remark on it or had anything to say at all besides 'big!' lol. I don't understand why Jesse was worried about chafing (1)

(Note: even tho those notes say 1 and 3 there wasn’t actually a second one... I didn’t leave out anything, lol)

So I’m just gonna start by answering your questions in the most straight forward way possible, then probably talk for a lot dissecting the expectations I’ve been seeing which I think is central to a lot of the confusion (I’ve gotten a number of questions on this in the past few days) since I think that is all pretty interesting stuff. 

So: yes, Jesse’s body is pretty much indistinguishable from what you might expect someone AMAB to have, unless you really know what to look for. I will go a bit into the expectation that he have some kind of physical tell below, but in a universe with healing bullets, people made out of nanomachine clouds, and cyborg ninja boyfriends, I think it’s entirely believable that phalloplasty will level up what little is necessary to where this is possible and a dude with the money/means could have whatever kind of dick he wants. 

And no one missed any ‘flags’, because I made this decision a few months ago, after I posted chapter 12. 

The story there is, essentially, I was seeing some fantastic art of characters being represented as trans and it got me thinking about how I might be able to contribute to this, and then feeling bad that I had missed my chance by assuming the boys in Truce were cis. Then I thought that is silly, there is no reason trans men need to go around ‘flagging’ themselves, or looking some particular way, there’s no reason my trans character can’t have a massive cock in a universe where he can also have a fully functional robotic arm. 

While it may not be how I would’ve included Jesse as a trans character had I planned it from the start of Truce, I still felt it was better to do than not do. And I’m honestly pretty okay with his story, I don’t really feel like I need to go back and leave hints or anything. The dude’s been living as a dude since before puberty, he’s been stealth for almost 20 years. He honestly forgets it was ever a thing or that people might care or assign specific expectations to him based on the knowledge that he was born with a vagina.

(The rest is very rambly and going under a cut due to length):

Now, on to the various expectations, which I’ve been thinking about a lot the last few months, because I did realize for a number of reasons people WOULD be confused.

So expectation 1: If you reveal something late in the narrative there will be hints of that reveal earlier.

I think this is really fair to assume and probably exactly what I would’ve done had I planned this from the start. But the fact that I didn’t really have that opportunity anymore has had me wondering a lot at this. Whether or not it would be better writing to treat Jesse’s gender identity vs birth assignment as something that could have been puzzled out, and the assumption that he would have in some way ‘revealed’ himself as trans before now. 

I don’t really have an answer to this, it’s just something I’ve been fiddling around with. There is no single ‘trans experience’. Jesse isn’t a tumblr baby, he would probably not tell people he identifies as trans, he didn’t have the support of a trans community. He grew up in an anarchist state where the only thing anyone gave a shit about was how good he was at a murder, and boy was he good at a murder. It was fairly easy for him to dress and act in a more masculine manner and expect to be treated like a boy at a young age just because that is how he was most comfortable and I doubt he put much thought into until his mid teens or so.

(This is somewhat idyllic, I could’ve easily made Deadlock hell for him on account of this, but chose not to.)

Anyway, as a result of me making this choice late in the game, I made his story such that it makes sense that ‘being trans’ isn’t really a part of his identity. But I might have given him a different story and perspective had I decided this from the beginning.

2) Next! Trans Dudes Look A Certain Way (or at least their dicks do). I’ve already covered ‘in my science future world there is really no reason for this’, but! When we are talking representation I think this is a really important thing to look at and talk about. 

I was honestly motivated to make Jesse trans BECAUSE of comments from trans people on tumblr talking about how it was nice to be able to see themselves represented as attractive and desirable, and I’m aware a part of that is TODAY, with modern medical technology and also just people’s monetary options, trans men don’t have the option to have what Jesse has, basically. And so there is I think huge value to normalizing what IS available to trans dudes today, over the narrative of 'one day, in the future, maybe this'.

And I really don’t want to dismiss that. Soft cocks, cocks that can only get erect via implants, cocks grown via hormones, vaginas, and any combination thereof or anything else I am forgetting, are all totally valid representations of men’s bodies and deeply want everyone to be able to feel like their bodies are beautiful and attractive and sexual and sensual really regardless of what is going on with their genitalia. 

So while I can easily create an in character, in universe explanation for Jesse’s trans experiences and his body being Kind Of The Traditionally Ideal Male Form, I thought a lot about whether or not to just leave him cis when I realized I’d already canonized his physical appearance and THAT wouldn’t be representative of what I think a lot my readers (some of whom are trans men) would be able to identify with?

=|a

But, there is also a lot I’ve canonized about Jesse other than his big beautiful dick, like his ability to be a total badass, his somewhat confused crawl toward leadership, his emotional intelligence, his perspective on the world that allows him to do what he does and also sleep at night, his recent tendency toward being a gay disaster, how incredibly far he’s come since his childhood to be the man he is today. 

In the end there is no one character who can represent All Trans Dudes, in body or spirit. So I figured it was better to be doing something to add even a tiny bit more perspective and visibility, rather than not do anything because I’d missed my chance to check every possible representation box.

(And, by the way, your question was VERY kind, thank you for asking it. I don’t want it to seem as if because I DROPPED A LOT OF WORDS here, I was defending against an accusation you never leveled. I have in fact been thinking about this a SHITTON and since I have had like... idk, six or so people approach me with different questions all on this subject, I figured I would offer up my take on the whole thing as transparently as I could.)

[lovelyshittydangergays]

1-50 from yesterday bc you didn't attack me in the tags 😘

Lmao I had a feeling this was coming

1. Post a picture of u?

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?no ew, im past that life stage, im 22 so that’d be gross3. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?idc personality is more important4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?sure5. Can you commit to one person?yes6. How do you look right now?ready 2 use the sleep7. What exactly are you wearing right now?awolnation t shirt i got from aftershock when i first saw them and some moon and star pj bottoms8. How often do you listen to music?now and then, not as often as i used to9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?jeans when i’m out, and then whatever when i’m home lol10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2018?i’d hope so11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?i’m usually more shy or quiet with people i’m not already close to12. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?i would cry lol this question pains me but in the end i want you to be happy so i would try to understand and work through that within myself for me and for us13. Are you good at hiding your feelings?i thought that usually i am, but you seem to see right through me a lot 14. Can you drive a stick shift?no15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?not really, the ones that matter know the truth and that’s what i care about more16. Are you going out of town soon?no17. When was the last time you cried?umm over a week ago i think18. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?hoOTY HOO LET ME TELL YOU19. If you could change your eye color, would you?no, brown has always been my fave so i've always felt blessed to have brown eyes20. Name something you have to do tomorrow?put away my laundry21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.only a little over 3 hours into my day but um i cant get fully comfortable on my bed and it’s lw hurting me, but i wont be up for much longer so it’s whatever22. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?nope but as far as gender, i have liked one of my nonbinary friends and that grew into one of the best things to happen to me last year 23. Are you nice to everyone?no, as much as i’d like to radiate kindness not everyone deserves it24. What are you sitting on right now?a pile of anxious feelings my bed25. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?of course, that’s not an issue for me26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?frank iero no27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?you 28. Do you get a lot of colds?no29. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?no, thank god30. Does anyone hate you?idk about hate, i’d say disliked, but i dont care lol31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?no but sex is not the qualifier for my trust32. Do you like watching scary movies?y  e  s33. Are you a jealous person?i’d like to think that i’m not, even if i can be i feel like rationality outweighs that34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?um, idk maybe like 16-17 but maybe a younger year too35. Did you have a dream last night?not that i recall36. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?it’s really hard for me to open up to others, i am a mass of tupperwares inside of tupperwares but you are really close to opening them all. as part of squad you were already let in more than most, but now you are just effortlessly moving past a lot of my barriers and that’s something you earned because of who you are and what you’ve shown me37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?idk i’m not thats so raven (or garnet)38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?i know someone does, she tells me all the time 39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?maybe40. Did you have a good day yesterday?sure idk, it was kind of a blur but it was okay41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?i was about to be42. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?no, thank god43. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?we’d probably be comfy af and she’d probably be asleep lol44. What’s the best part about school?my friends45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?of course46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?no lol47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?sometimes48. Were you single over the last summer?yes49. What are you supposed to be doing right now?sleeping probably? but i’m on vacation so idk about “supposed”50. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?y e s