#didn’t mean to make kev’s dad such an asshole but… here we are

[mariatesstruther]

thinking very angsty thoughts like

what if kevin’s father is somehow the reason for kevin’s death and maria can’t bring herself to forgive him, so she leaves him goes to rescue her father who doesn’t realize what’s happened until she gets there and cries herself to sleep like he hasn’t seen since she was little. maria buries the hurt/rage/betrayal/heartbreak/loss so deep that it sublimates into productivity that lasts her twenty years

and then that man shows up at her fucking gates

these fires are stressing me out so bad i might start writing again

[leossmoonn]

Dear Y/n

masterlist

pairing - carl gallagher x fem!reader

type - fluff

note  / request - “OMFG FINALLY SOMEONE WRITES FOR RECENT CARL GALLAGHER. Can we get one where the reader is Kev and V’s daughter so they grew up together. And maybe Carl is her secret admirer” so i made debbie and you seniors and carl a junior since he is technically a year younger than debbie. so let’s pretend that debbie stayed in school and carl never went to military school lol, just for the sake of this imagine. enjoy!

summary - you find a note in your locker from a secret admirer and try to figure it out who is your secret admirer

warnings - language

————

*gif isn't mine*

“Hey, girl!” Debbie exclaimed. You looked up from your phone, smiling as you spotted your friend. 

“Hey,” you smiled while walking up to her. Your attention when to Franny, who was sitting in her stroller. You crouched down and smiled at the baby. 

“Hi, baby. How are you? Do you like going to school with Mommy? You know, some day you’ll be going to school. I’ll be an adult and with kids, too!” You babbled to the baby. Franny squealed and held her hands up to you. You giggled, bopping her nose before going up back to talk to Debbie. 

“You’re really good with her,” Debbie complimented.  

“Thanks, kids kinda like me,” you giggled. 

Debbie rolled her eyes, “Yeah, we know. Anyways, can we hang at your house?” 

You two started walking to your guys’s lockers. “Sure. I have to babysit Jems and Ames, though. Mom and Dad don’t get off work until like, midnight.”

Debbie nodded. “Franny can play with them.”

“Sounds good,” you nodded. You unlocked your locker, a piece of paper falling out. 

“What’s that?” Debbie asked.

“I don't know,” you muttered, furrowing your brows. You picked up the paper, unfolding it. Your eyes widened as you saw its contents. It read:

Dear Y/n,

I thought your outfit looked really good. Not that your outfits don’t always look good, but today’s my favorite. I really like your jeans and your red shirt. Red really looks good with your eyes. 

From,

Secret Admirer

Debbie read the note with you, laughing as she got to the end. “You have a secret admirer!”

You smiled, “Yeah. This is cute. I wonder who it’s from.”

“Maybe it’s from Dean Kepner,” Debbie said, nudging your shoulder teasingly. 

You rolled your eyes, “That is the funniest shit I have ever heard.”

“Well, what if it is! I noticed him staring at your shirt today,” Debbie said.

You scoffed, “Yeah, more like staring at my tits. This note said nothing about my  tits. It’s probably not him. Plus, I’m pretty sure Dean can’t make compound sentences. He’s worse at speaking than Ames and Jems, and they’re 3 years old.

Debbie chuckled, “True. Well, we should try to figure it out.”

“Eh. It's probably some jackass who wants to get in my head, and then embarrass me because I thought someone liked me,” you said. 

“Be more optimistic!” Debbie exclaimed. 

“Hm, I will if I get a second note. Let’s go, Jems and Ames are expecting me to pick them up from daycare,” you said. You grabbed a few textbooks and shut your locker. “Is Carl coming home with us?” You asked. 

“I think so,” Debbie said. “Alright. Where is he?” You asked. 

“Probably making out with some slut in the bathrooms,” Debbie said.

“Probably,” you snorted.

You and Debbie walked to the nearest bathroom, peeking behind the corner to see if you could hear any noise. Surprisingly, it was quiet. 

“What are you guys doing?” 

You both jumped, turning around and seeing a confused Carl behind you. 

Carl was Debbie’s little brother. They were both Gallagher’s. They were children of the alcoholic and drug addict Frank and Monica. They lived on the South Side of Chicago, which was where you also lived. 

You were Y/n Ball. Daughter of Veronica Fisher and Kevin Ball. You had lived next to the Gallagher’s all your life. You were their best friend. Well, their only best friend, really. Your mom and their older sister, Fiona, had been friends since forever. You had been born around the same time as Debbie, who was the third oldest out of the 6 Gallagher children, so you two have been basically best friends since birth. Carl was also one of the Gallagher kids you were also the close with, too, him being just a year younger than you. You three had basically grown up together, so being best friends was pretty natural. 

“We were seeing if you were fucking anyone,” Debbie answered. 

Carl scrunched his face up in disgust. “I don’t do that.”

You laughed, “Sure you don’t. C’mon, C-Dog, I gotta pick up the little missies.”

“Alright, Y/n/n,” Carl smiled at the nickname you had given him ever since you two had gotten closer. 

You two hadn’t always been close before. Debbie and you were by far the closest, with being in the same grade and all. You and Carl hung out a lot, but it wasn’t really until he started high school when you two actually hung out one-on-one. He had come to you for relationship advice when he was dating this one girl, Dominique, who turned out to be a horrible person. You two have since bonded about your past, failed relationships, and how shitty life is. 

Since getting closer with him, you had kind of developed a little crush on him. He had always been cute, but when puberty hit him, he became really hot, really quick. You never showed any other feelings for him than platonic, though. You didn’t want to deal with all the drama that it would bring between you and your families. 

“Stop eye-fucking each other, please,” Debbie groaned, walking away from you two.

You rolled your eyes, “Like you should talk. Every guy you meet you imagine sleeping with them.”

“Not true!” Debbie defended herself. 

“Yeah, right. That’s why you have a baby,” Carl joked. 

“You guys are so mean,” Debbie muttered. 

“That one was pretty mean, but at least it didn’t come from me,” you smiled. 

“Yeah, it came from the asshole who got circumcised for a girl,” Debbie laughed. 

You laughed with her, Carl rolling his eyes and blushing. He looked to you and noticed a piece of paper peeking out from your jeans. 

“What's that?” He asked and pointed.

“Oh, it’s a note that someone gave me,” you said. You took it out and gave it to Carl. He opened it and read it. 

“This is nice,” he said. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty cute,” you agreed. He handed you the note back. “Who do you think it is?”

“I don’t know, honestly. I’m kind of thinking it’s a joke, so I wanna wait till I get another one,” you said, folding it back into your pocket. 

“I think it’s Dean Kepner,” Debbie stated.  You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, you're the only one.”

“Is that the popular football guy? In your grade?” Carl asked. 

“Yep. He’s so hot,” Debbie sighed dreamily. 

“I don’t think so,” you stated.

Carl looked at you and nodded. “Yeah, I heard he does hard drugs.”

“Yeah, another reason why I don’t fuck with him. I mean, I have a beer every other night, but never am I gonna do drugs. That shit messes you up,” you sighed. 

“Yeah, we know. We had Monica as our mother,” Debbie said. 

You chuckled, walking over to your car. You got in the driver seat, Carl sitting in the passengers. Debbie usually sat there, but since she has a baby, you told her it wasn’t safe to put Franny in the passenger seat, especially since if the even of an accident, the airbag goes off and hurts Franny. 

You drove to daycare, humming songs from the radio while doing so. While you were driving, Carl couldn’t help but stare between your face and the note in your pocket. You didn’t know, but the person who wrote you the note was him. 

Carl was usually pretty confident and outgoing. All of his family like that. You had to do that to survive the South Side. But when it came to you, he was like jello. He didn’t know how to act, speak, whether he could look at you two seconds longer than normal. You never noticed his behaviour change, though. To you, he was always quiet and low-key. He was thankful that he never questioned why he was so quiet around you, especially since he was a loud, annoying kid when he was younger. 

With these notes, he would be able to say what he was afraid to say to your face. He didn’t want to face rejection, especially by the pretty senior girl that had lived next to him since the day he was born. It would be awkward if you did reject him, so he just kept quiet until maybe he worked up the courage to ask you out depending on wether you liked the notes or not. 

You parked in a handicap parking spot. “Alright, one of you wanna go and help me get Ames and Jems?” You asked. 

“Carl, can you do it, I wanna stay with Franny,” Debbie said.

“Yeah, sure,” Carl nodded. He got out of the car with you, walking into the daycare. 

You walked up to front desk. “Hi, I’m here for Amy and Jemma Ball. I'm their older sister, Y/n,” you said.

“Alright, can I see ID?” The woman asked. 

You nodded and got your wallet out of your back pocket. You handed her your ID. She handed it back to you. 

“Alright, go ahead and head in,” she said.

“Thank you,” you smiled. 

She hummed a ‘you’re welcome’ as you and Carl went into the play room. 

“Why do you have to give her your ID?” Carl asked. 

“I think it’s because she’s new, and also I didn’t drop them off this morning. They wanna make sure no one kidnaps children,” you explained. 

Carl nodded. “Ah, makes sense.”

“Yeah, the usual woman here, Julie, moved to Florida. She always gave me and the girls a mint when we left, and never asked for my ID,” you said.

“Wow, she sounds cool,” Carl said. 

“Yep, she was,” you smiled. 

You walked into the room, spotting Jemma and Amy immediately. They spotted you two, smiling and running up to you. 

“Hi, babes!” You exclaimed, crouching down and catching them in your arms. 

“Hi, Y/n!” They both squealed. 

“Ready to go home?” You asked. 

They both nodded. 

“Alright. Let me go get your stuff, hang out with Uncle Carl for a few minutes, okay?” You said. 

“Okay,” Jemma said.

You walked over to their cubby, grabbing their baby bags. You went back over to Carl, taking a hold of both of the girls’s hands. 

“Let’s go, babes,” you said. 

“I’m hungry!” Amy exclaimed. 

“I’ll get you a snack when we get home, alright?” You asked. 

Amy nodded, smiling excitedly. You smiled at her, looking up to see Carl opening the door for you. 

“Thanks,” you smiled at him. 

“No problem,” he nodded and followed behind you. You put the girls in the backseat with Debbie, unloading their bags in the trunk. You got in the front seat, starting the car. 

“Do you want to be dropped off at your house or stay with us at my place?” You asked Carl. 

“I'll hang with you guys,” Carl said. 

You nodded, “Sounds good.”

You drove back home, parking the car on the side. You unlocked the front door, immediately dropping all the bags you had. You slumped on the couch, taking a breather. 

“Can we have a snack?” Jemma asked. 

“Oh, yeah, right,” you said, getting up. “You guys want some fruit snacks?” “Yeah!” Amy exclaimed. 

You nodded, going to the pantry and getting two packs of fruit snacks for each of them. You led them back to the couch, turning on the tv. 

“Watch TV with Franny, okay? Sissy has to do homework,” you said. 

The twins nodded, looking at Paw Patrol, which was what was playing. You went to the kitchen table, unloading your backpack. 

“You’re really good at taking care of them,” Carl said, sitting next to you. 

You smiled, “Thanks. Mom and Dad do a lot, but since they are a little older and so am I, they let me have more responsibility. They have to work and stuff to make sure we can afford everything. I’d like to say I’m an expert at taking care of Amy and Jemma.”

Carl chuckled, “Yeah, I couldn’t imagine taking care of a kid.”

“Well, you have been taking care of Liam since he was born, right?” You asked. 

Carl shrugged, “I guess.”

“Taking care of kids is easy if you like them,” you shrugged. 

“Makes sense,” he said.

You hummed. 

“So, are you waiting for another note?” Carl asked. 

“Hm, kind of, yeah. I would be lying if I didn’t say I hoped this will turn into some cute, romantic love story with someone,” you chuckled. 

Carl blushed a little, focusing on his own homework. “Yeah, that’d be nice. 

————

“Yeah, Mom, I got it. No problem, see you later,” you said, hanging up the call. You sighed, walking slowly to your locker. 

Your mom had just called you to come to the Alibi to help out since business was buzzing. Word was, Frank was up to one of his schemes again and got the Alibi full and drunk. You couldn’t wait to deal with perky, 50 year-old men catcalling you. You were wearing a sweatshirt, too, which you knew would make it worse since the men always would try to have you take it off, and never stopped pushing. Luckily, you had pepper spray with you at all times so if someone ever got too much, you wouldn’t hesitate to spray them. 

You opened your locker, putting away a few binders when you noticed another note. You grabbed it, unfolding it with a hint of excitement. You would be lying if you said you hadn't been looking forward to this all day. 

You opened the note, smiling widely as its contents. 

Dear Y/n,

Your makeup looks amazing today. You’re really talented with the eyeliner and stuff. Oh, and your lipstick matches really well with your outfit, too.

From,  Secret Admirer

“Another note, huh?” Debbie said, approaching you. 

You smiled and nodded. “Yep.”

“What's that?” Carl asked. 

“Another note from Y/n’s admirer,” Debbie smiled. 

Carl flushed a little. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” you smiled. “I hope this is for real. I want to meet this person.”

“Maybe you will,” Carl said. You looked to him, a worried expression settling on your face. 

“You okay, C-Dog?” You asked. 

“Yeah. I’m gonna catch the bus. See you guys later,” he said, walking off quickly. 

You furrowed your brows. “What's got his dick in a twist?”

“I have no idea. Maybe he likes you,” Debbie smirked. 

Your heart fluttered a little at the thought of him liking you. Debbie knew you liked Carl, so maybe she was fucking with you, but you had to ask to be sure. 

“Does he?” 

“I think,” Debbie said. 

“Oh,” you muttered. “Cool,” you smiled. 

You weren’t going to confront him just yet, but you prayed to God your secret admirer was Carl. 

————

“Hey, there’s something for you in the mail,” Veronica said. 

You furrowed your brows. “Who’s it from?”

“It doesn’t have a name,” Veronica said, hanging you an envelope. “It just has your name on it.”

“Huh,” you said, taking the envelope. You tore it open, your eyes widening as you saw another note it in. 

“What is it?” Kevin asked. 

“A note,” you said. “From my secret admirer.”

“You have a secret admirer! Wow,” Kevin said. 

“Yeah,” you chuckled. You sat on the couch, opening the note. 

Dear Y/n,

I thought you looked really pretty today. I hope you don’t find it weird I mailed this to your house, I actually live close to you, so I saw you crossing the street today. Anyways, I just thought I would let you know you look pretty. 

From, 

Secret Admirer

You found yourself giggling, setting the note down. Even though you were flattered, you found it a little weird this person knew where you lived, even if they supposedly lived near. You didn’t know why they couldn’t just tell you all these things in person. 

“What does it say?” Veronica asked.

“The note calls me pretty,” you said, putting it back in its envelope. 

“Hm, well, whoever this is isn’t wrong,” Veronica grinned. “Do you have any idea who it is?”

You sighed, “Nope. It says they live close to me, though.”

“Maybe it’s one of the Gallagher’s,” Kevin suggested. 

Your eyes went wide, remembering what Debbie had said to a few days ago when you got the second note. You shook your head, though. Carl was out with his friends right now, you had just left his house, too, and there was no sign of him. 

“Nah, no offence to them, none of them are this romantic or anything. Well, except Ian, but he’s gay,” you said. 

“Maybe ask about it, though? All of our other neighbours are old men, and that does not look like old man handwriting,” Veronica said. 

“Maybe I will. I mean, Debbie said Carl liked me, and when I got the second note, Carl was acting all weird and shit,” you said.

Veronica eyes widened. “Carl?”

“Yeah,” you said. “I don’t care if it's him, though, it'd be kind of weird.”

Veronica sat down on the couch next to you. “You like him, don’t you?”

“Kind of,” you said sheepishly. 

“Well, I think you should ask him about it. If he says no, then don’t mention your feelings for him. If he says yes the notes are from him, then confess,” Veronica said.

“Should I do that?” You asked. 

“I think so, baby. Carl’s a good kid, especially with you around. I wouldn’t have a problem with you two dating.”

You smiled, “Thanks, Mom. I’ll go to his place tomorrow.”

“My baby is about to get a boyfriend!” Kevin whooped. “If he hurts you, I will kill him.”

You chuckled, “Thanks, Dad.”

————

You walked into the Gallagher’s house, spotting Fiona in the kitchen.

“Hey, Fi,” you smiled. 

“Hey, Y/n! Are you here fo Debbie? She went out,” Fiona said.

“No, actually. I’m here for Carl,” you said.

“Oh, okay. Well, he’s upstairs,” Fiona said.

“Thanks, Fi,” you smiled and made your way up to Carl’s room. You saw that the door was wide open.

You went in, not seeing Carl anywhere.

Where is he? You thought.

You went around his room, walking around the room. His room was ridiculously messy. Clothes everywhere, food and plates all over the dresser, weird liquid on the floor. You chuckled to yourself as you had to step over the puddle. 

“Boys are horrific,” you muttered to yourself. 

You went to the desk, sitting down in the desk chair. You looked around on the desk, seeing court date papers, old homework, and cigarette boxes. As you looked more to your right, something had caught your eye. There was a paper with your name on it on the back. 

You picked it up hesitantly, slowly unfolding it. Your eyes widened as you saw the words “Dear Y/n”. You knew you shouldn't, but you went ahead and read it anyways. You just wanted to make sure you were correct of your suspicions. 

Dear Y/n,

After these few weeks, I have decided to try and be brave and go up to ask you out. I think you’re really pretty and you’re so funny and nice. I’ve liked you since I started high school, and even if I get rejected, I know I would regret not trying to ask you out. So, I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date?

From, 

Secret Admirer, aka Carl (Gallagher)

“Y/n?” You snapped your head back, seeing Carl in a towel. Your eyes quickly ran past his chest, seeing the toned muscles in his arms and stomach. You eyes went up to his face, lingering on his lips. You then went up to his eyes, seeing them wide and filled with wonder. 

“Sorry, I’ll, uh, go,” you muttered and stood up, leaving the note on the desk. 

“What?” Carl asked. He was beyond confused, but when he saw you and the note, he put the pieces together. As you went to walk out of his room, he grabbed your arm, pulling you back gently so you two were face-to-face.  

“Did read the note?” He asked.

You looked up at him sheepishly, “Yeah, I’m sorry for invading your privacy.”

Carl sighed, “It’s alright. I’m, uh, sorry if I wasn't who you were expecting or anything. I know I’m probably not the person you like or anything, but I just wanted to try and see if you liked me. Ian and Lip said that was a cute idea, the notes.”

Your eyes lit up with he voiced his concerns. Your lips upturned into a smile, your eyes staring into his. 

“Carl, I like you, too,” you said. 

Carl’s eyes widened. “Wha-what?”

You took his hands in yours. “It was a cute idea. And I’ve liked you for the last 3 years, too. I was hoping it was you, actually.”

Carl blushed, a big smile appearing on his face. “Really?” “Yep,” you nodded. 

“Awesome!” Carl chuckled. “So, do you want to go on a date with me?”

“Yeah, I’d love to,” you smiled. 

“Cool,” he smiled. “Well, I need to get dressed. You can stay and watch if you want,” he smirked. 

You giggled at his words. “Don’t mind if I do.”

————

this was trash i am sorry

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[crossovereddie]

Thoughts on 11x06

I had to come back to type this after the episode. I was gonna wait to post until more people are active but everyone’s safety is more important than notes. This was really hard for me to watch. It took me two hours because I kept needing a break. It’s a tough one yall. It’s heartbreaking and really brought out issues I didn’t know I was still dealing with until I reacted so badly to some stuff. Take care of yourselves and I’m here if you need to talk. I’ll have timestamps for major tws in another post coming right after this. I just gotta go back and get the end of those scenes. I only go the time they started.

Okay. So. There’s some trigger warnings that I’ve reblogged earlier. This recap WILL have thoughts about those triggers. If you think you’ll be triggered just message me or send me an ask and I’ll give you the non triggering recap. Stay safe please.

Kev and v intro. They’re having sex behind the bar

I’m extremely nervous for some reason I might not be able to get through this

Bike heist!!

LICKEY RIGHTS

LIP CALLS HIM MICK

MISSION IMPISSIBLE

Mickey is unimpressed

Lip telling Mickey what to do yes please

Fucking Mickey omg

HE LOOKS SO GOOD

THE WAY HE SAYS BRAD

Again Mickey is unimpressed

Lip :(

MICKEY CONCERNED ABOUT LIPS SOBRIETY

AGAIN I SAY LICKEY RIGHTS

Frank is falling the chick he’s boning Monica

Not sure that’s her real name

Wait yeah it is

Frank??? Has to get to work???

Wait her name isn’t Monica

Oh shut now I get what’s happening

“Can I speak to Pope Francis please” LIAM 😭

Poor baby

Lip cooking breakfast. Hot.

I forgot about camis baby

I actually beep bad for lip and Tami

We already heard this argument with Mickey and Ian get new material writers

PRODIGAL THEIF

PINK BOX HES SO CUTE

HE LOOKS SO CUTE GOTTA SQUEEZE HIM PLS

Yeah don’t tell Carl that traitor

MICKEY BROUGHT DONUTS PLS

HES SO CUTE

ITS TOO MUCH

I LOVE HIM

HIS SMILE!!!!!!!!

GALLAGHER YOUTH

THAT MEANS MICKEY TOO BYE

CARL CALLING HIM MICK TOO PLS

I CANT TAKE IT

Poor Liam he’s terrified

“I was hoping the fucker would just die” :(

Shut up Debbie

Mickey is beautiful

Leave Mickey out of it debbie goddamn

I cant fucking stand her

Frank just observing his kids and smiling

Same frank

SHUT UP DEBBIE

OH MY GOD HIS LAUGH IS THIS WHAT YOU HEAR WHEN YOU FIRST GET TO HEAVEN????

“And the smartest” lol

Someone save Liam

“I want Sandy”

We all do kid

Fucking manipulative little I CANT STAND DEBBIE

Sandy deserves better

I hate the Milkovichs!!!!

How did smart sensitive sweet beautiful loving Mickey come from this disgusting family????

MICKEY IS THE BOSS

My heart hurts so him

“Homo sexy” dear god

Mickey is too good he deserves so much better

I love him so much

Let him be happy

Mickey has the biggest heart

They’re actually talking and not fighting

CHAPO STFU

You’re so funny and smart and beautiful don’t forget that baby

SUGAR TITS

And no one is fazed lmao

“He’s actually my uncle and my dad” I fucking hate this show

I forgot Carl makes legit money now

Wtf kinda school is this

This is so fucked up

The twins are so adorable

SHUT UP DEBBIE

“You guys” I hate that but also she’s acknowledging Mickey as “hers” and he’s family :(

Okay this horrifying comment

I hate that it’s just nonchalant

Debbie just keeps talking.

Let’s move on

Mickeys face when she says “butt naked”lmao

LIP CALLING HIM MICK AGAIN

“Talk to you for a minute?”

“Yes. Please”

I LOVE IT

Mickey is unimpressed by lip once again and I’m smiling

They love each other they’re secretly best friends ITS A FACT

HAND SHAKE SO CUTE

MY BABIES

“Blue like my balls” fucking frank lol

They’re going in on Frank’s storyline now

Boss Mickey at it again

Terry’s home

The way his face falls im sick

SANDY BABY

My heart is racing

Mickeys face is breaking my heart

Great now I’m crying

Mickey got emotional

Ian sensed it and touched his neck all fucking sweet

Okay I had to take a little break because I started crying

I love him too much

Fucking Noel is so damn good

My heart is fucking breaking

“Frank’s not a homophobic psychopath who tortured you for years”

Please Mickey deserves better

I don’t wanna hear any Ian slander either.

In this house we protect my son and my son in law I will fight you

“Let’s get the fuck outta here. Lip you coming?” 😭

That was so hard to watch yall. I’m not gonna lie to you. My parents weren’t half as shitty as terry but growing up feeling unloved your whole life fucks you up anyway and that brought out some emotions and feelings I didn’t realize I still dealt with. I had to pause for a good while and cry.

Leave Sandy alone debbie

Terry is disgusting

Okay the homophobic language he uses is definitely triggering so I’ll time stamp that too

Debbie you selfish bitch

Everyone leaving terry outside it’s a yes from me

I honestly can’t concentrate on the other scenes now I’m sorry y’all

I try to cover everyone’s scenes but it’s hard for me today

I’m not okay

Liam is too innocent poor kid

MICKEY LIP AND IAN THE BEST TRIO

We need more scenes

I PAUSED TO TYPE AND THE FUCKING LOOK HES GIVING HIM STOP

They’re besties

Mickey is beautiful

MY BABY BUSINESS BOSS MAN I LOVE YOU

he really hasn’t called him Philip the entire episode wtf

Ignoring Debbie

Now I want fries

Carl is cringy

Mickey drove them home and pulled a gun

Honestly again another heartbreaking scene

Ian’s trying to make him stop

Terry is disgusting and also a coward but we’ve been knew

Noel is the most amazing

Mickey gets teary but doesn’t cry bc I cried enough for the both of us

He’s the strongest bravest ever and I’m so proud of him

I need a hug

My heart hurts so much y’all

I just want him to be happy

I’m a fucking mess

I can’t handle Lip being emotional too

Oh I thought lip wanted to sell the house for himself only but at least they all get their share

Horrible music choice

I wanna tuck Mickey in with his favorite tv show on(911) make him his favorite food to eat in bed and not let anyone but Ian around him for a good 72 hours

The way Ian is looking at him

“Would you take care of me if I was paralyzed?”

“....yeah. Yeah”

“Top you whenever I wanted” “asshole”

His smile is back that’s all I need in life

MICKEY IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD

RIP DOWN THAT FLAG YES BABY

“That was big of you” “he’s an asshole...I wanna be better than that”

WHEN I TELL YALL I LOST IT I MEAN FULL ON SOBBING

YOURE ALREADY A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER THAN THAT PIECE OF SHIT

YOURE SO KIND AND BRAVE AND BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT

Ian’s like “back of the head? Gotta grab and hold my boy”

“You are so much better than that” IAN MY SWEET SON IN LAW I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR LOVING OUR BOY SO WELL

IAN IS THE MOST SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND

V spitting truth

I want terry to fucking suffer

Don’t do it frank

“Nah” LMAO

Frank loves his son in law

Sandy I love you

I need to hold her

No debbie I LOVE HER

NO SANDY LOVE ME INSTEAD

DEBBIE DOESNT DESERVE YOU

Carl scene was so awful I feel so bad for him this girl is a fucking psycho

That was an actual rape scene what the fuck

Mickey making frank laugh

Debbie explaining? Really?

I hate her

“How long is this gonna take? I’m fucking starving Lip” WHY WONT YOU CALL HIM PHILIP

“We could get on with our lives” well that hurt more than it should’ve

It’s really the end soon huh? 😢

According to captions Ian says “we’re in”

Frank reads his diagnosis

Carl goes to report his rape

That took me nearly two hours to watch. Yeah I usually pause to type but I had to take long breaks after the hard scenes. It was a really hard episode to watch. A lot darker than it has been. I’m not really okay right now. It was emotional but a really good episode overall.

[popculturebuffet]

Sparkshortstravaganza! (Commissioned by WeirdKev27)

Well this was a needed kick in the pants. When I first heard of the Sparkshorts program I was excited. As a kid I loved PIxar, as an adult I love pixar and as an old man dealing with the loss of his partner floating away in my balloon house, i’ll still love pixar. So the idea of a program focused on giving new fresh talent the room to do whatever they wanted and make content that would be on Disney Plus, a platform BADLY bereft of original animation? It was a dream come true and the first one I saw Kitbull is easily a masterpiece and something that I can vividly recall every part of to this day, which for my terrible short term memory recalling EVERYTHING is a rare feat few works have achived.  But given I have a REALLY bad habit of letting things I want to watch sit there if I don’t jump on them immediately.. I let it sit there and didn’t touch any of the shorts and mostly forgot about the program until now. Until Kev, my patron and the only person paying for reviews at the moment, though others are more than welcome wink wonk, just decided what the heck and to test out comissioning shorts picked these ones because why not. And given I had been dragging my feet and reading the descriptions found creative and suprisingly heavy premises... I was fully on board And better late than never because along with Soul this program has EASILY restored my faith in the company after Onward really disapointed. Granted they’ve done worse, while there are pixar films I haven’t seen I need to like Coco or Cars 3, I’ve vowed NEVER to watch Cars 2 unless I have to and that vow has served me well so far. The shorts here are as a whole beautifully animated, have a ton of wonderful concepts and even the two weaker ones are still gorgeous to look at and a decent watch regardless and both come from a very well meaning place with a very well meant message. So yeah i’m thankful for this comission and to show you why let’s go through every Sparkshorts so far and see why their so awesome.. after some background of course. 

Sparkshorts, for the uniniated, is a program by pixar where animators are given six months and a limited budget to create a film based on personal experince. The program was designed to test out new ways of animating, directing and creating and to find a creative “spark” in it’s employees. Thus each film feels unique, has it’s own style.. and is utterly charming. I’ll be looking at them chronologically as while this wasn’t my watch order, I feel it’s a bit neater that way. I’ve already taken long enough to get to watching these, let’s open these films up and see what makes them tick shall we?

Purl: An Adorable Yarn Ball Vs Toxic Masculinity  Purl.. was better the more I thought about it. The first short released, it DOES have a good message and killer animation. The film takes place at B.R.O., a dude broey brockerage firm that’s painfully relasitic both in how broey it is and in how it looks. That’s to contrast our heroine: Purl, an adorable ball of yarn who just wants to be accepted but is instead ignored by the rest of the company till she changes herself up, donning a suit like her co workers she badly wants to fit in with and adopting their wolf of wallstreet esque douchebaggery. She finally gets accepted.. but ends up shedding her new self to help another Yarn Ball starting up.  Director Kristen Lester drew from personal experince, starting work at animation in a mostly male dominated workplace and thus having to adapt and only letting the femine side she’d repressed out when she moved to working at pixar, which had more female employees. The film DOES have a good message about toxic workplaces and toxic masulinty and learning the personal story did raise it a few notches as it made it clear to me that what SEEMED like an over exageration.. was probably just a light exageration given the kind of bro antics we’ve heard about at companies like Ubisoft. So while I didn’t like the film much at first honestly.. it’s over the top because it NEEDS to be because even though it’s 2021.. some idiots STILL don’t get it and kids are better off learning it now so it’ll hopefully stick when their entering the workforce. So we’ll get more people like perl willing to make a change and stick up for those like her and less dude bros. Still a decent and clever short with Perl’s bro form looking really neat and the animation on her in general is really fucking gorgeous. All in all not the best of these but still pretty good and while a bit thick on the message.. it kinda has to be. 

Smash And Grab: A Jaunty Ride to Freedom

This was a really fun one. Directed by Brian Larson and inspried by his need for a break from routine this follows two robots, the titular smash and grab who are designed to well.. smash and grab coal-like energy things for a train and have for years and years. The two long to high five, but can’t because their hooked to tubes so they can’t escape. But one day Smash looks out the window and not only sees fellow robots living a better life.. but a way to power him and his buddy/love intrest? I mean bromance or romance, either way it works. Point is our heroes escape, and have to fight security.  It’s just a really damn fun and creative movie. While robots wanting a better life isn’t new, the crisp art deco animation, breakneck pace, fun gags and heartwearming relationship between the two bots is just charming as hell. It’s just a fun ride the whole way through with a lot of heart and creativity with the two’s way they throw coal to one another used to take out the guards, and all together just some really good set pieces. Easily one of my faviorites here and that’s a high water mark to pass. 

Kitbull: Tiny Orphan Kitty + Big Abused Doggo = Best Friends

As I said this is the only one of these I saw before today and as I said it’s stuck with me. I love dogs. I have one of my own named Yoshi whose just a sweet boy. So i’ve always loved ALL DOGS.. and was thus horrified years ago when I learned about the stigma Bulldogs get. Seen as “agressive’ and “Mean’ and victious.. when really a lot of them, including my grandpa’s own pitbull when I was little, are just loveable as any other dogs. And having also known a former fighting dog my friend owned, if a much smaller min pin rather than a pitbull, who by the time I met him had become the sweetest dog you’d ever meet.. yeah.. don’t mistreat a dog just because some assholes force it to fight to the death because their sick, horrible, ghastly human beings.. if they can even be CALLED human beings after doing that to these poor animals.  My point is it’s nice to have a short about such a needed subject. Director Rosana Sullivan actually had the idea for the short for years and intended to do it as a side project, but when the program cropped up she moved it to pixar and the result is one of the most popular and easily one of the best of an already bright bunch, brought on by her love of animals and working in a shelter. It’s also one of Pixar’s first 2d animated projects and proves their just as good at that as cgi.  It’s the touching story of a kitty whose alone in the world and initally mistrustful and hissy at a big dog she finds and is naturally scared of.. until she grows to bond with the dog, realizing much like a LOT of fucking people need to that pitbulls.. are just dogs and often victims of circumstance and the poor, sweet pooch who just wants his owner to love him.. is instead thrown into a fighting pit, nearly killed and forced to make a daring escape with their new forever friends help. It’s through this wonderful, heartrending friendship that the dog finds freedom and the cat.. finds them both a home, no longer running from people but instead making sure they both get a person. It’s often brutal at times, with the scene of the dog being forced to fight being one of the most striking: while we thankfully don’t see the action, we HEAR IT, as does the poor kitty, and we see the aftermath: a friendly harmless dog thrown out into the cold just because it dosen’t WANT to fight. It’s just really heartrending stuff that makes the happy ending all the better. It’s also gorgeiously animated which I mentioned but i’ll say it again; the animation here is GOREGOUS, unqiue and stunning. Go watch this if you haven’t. 

Float: This is Why Krakoa Exists

This.. has easily been the hardest to review of the bunch. While ALL of these stories are very personal, very inclusive and very intresting, this one.. is a bit rougher than most of them and hits REALLY close to home. See this one was built out of director Bobby Rubio’s experinces raising his son who has autisim. 

It’s about a dad who discovers his infant son can float... and thus gets stares of fear or judgment from eveyrone around him slowly getting broken down by this. So he makes a HORRIBLE judgment call and rather than just accept some people are assholes, weighs his son’s backpack down with stones despite him hating it then drags him away when he ends up floating off, before screaming at the poor kid WHY CAN’T YOU BE DIFFRENT.. He DOES instantly regret this and the ending is genuinely touching as the father finally accepts his son is different and throws him into the air while on a swing, letting his son soar as he always should’ve. It is a beautifully animated and well meant film and the filipino representation is truly great: Rubio originally was going to have the characters as white but his fellow animators convinced him to go for represntation and be true to himself and honestly in a time when disney itself has had to be fought to get queer representation most of the time, it’s nice that pixar at least is a part of it that throughly encourages representation and will gladly put diversity and representation over any bullshit “risk factors”.  That being said.. while this was a decent short with a very well intentioned message and it clearly connected with a lot of people.. it wasn’t for me and I say this as someone who has autisim. As someone who has worn down people’s patince and been starred at by a freak for something I was way too young to properly deal with.  I’ve been in this Kid’s shoes. 

And that’s the problem: The metaphor dosen’t really work for me. While auitism CAN have some benifits and I wouldn’t be any other way i’d be lying if I said it was easy having trouble commuincating, constnatly misreading people, constnatly worrying if someone’s going to like you, and hyperfocusing on a problem instead of being able to set it and forget it for a bit to my own detriment. There’s other problems and not ALL of my issues come from anxiety disorder: I also have anxiety and depression. They just bleed badly INTO said autisim sometimes, as it’s hard to effectively combat anxiety sometimes when your mind won’t let you. 

What i’m saying is... there aren’t any FAULTS in his powers. See i’m a fan of x-men, so I can only see this boy as a mutant, and yes I know they usually manfifest at puberty but there have been exceptions so don’t at me.. and one of them who has no real downsides other than the unfair stigma of being a mutant. He’s more like storm, who can control the elements and whose power only enhances her life nad lesss like say Rogue, who looks normal.. but can’t touch anyone without knocking them out at best or horribly abosrbing them into her head at worst. There’s no downside other than the fact people judge him and his dad is a dick about it.  And the dad part is hard because I get what Rubio is going for: parents make mistakes, parents mess up and their only human even if they should embrace their kids anyway. That’s a good message and one I support.. I just think Rubio was way TOO hard on himself and thus made his stand in into an unlikeable asshole, one whose more concerned with how everyone ELSE thinks and does the horribly abusive action of basically tying his son’s wings down so he can’t fly. He mans well, it’s so his son dosen’t float off.. but instead of finding a way to help him and work with him on it.. he just stuffs rocks in his back and forces the kid to be miserable so other people can be happy. It just goes way too far in the other direction to work. As I said I think it’s the guy being too hard on himself, manifesting his worst moments with his kids and his biggest regrets and making himself into a very hard to like character because he has trouble forgviing himself for how he acted. So I want to say if you ever read this bobby while I wasn’t hte biggest fan of your film.. I do wholly support you and your son.. and the fact you made an entire FILM just to show your sturggle and show people there not alone was a beautiful act. You are not a bad person , we all make mistakes and we’re all just human. You are a good man Bobby Rubio. I may of not liked your metaphor... but your message is beautiful. 

Wind: Immigration by Way of Rocket Science

Thankfully moving on.. this one is tied with Kitbull for my faviorite. It has a truly intriguing premise, a great metaphor, stunning animation, and is just really moving, gripping and fun to watch. This one was by Edwin Chang, and as is usualy by now, it was built on personal experince.. but not his. It was built on the fact his father was an immigrant who had to leave his mother, Chang’s grandmother, behind to a better life. She rejoined them eventually but it left an impact on his father and thus serves as the core of this story. And honestly knowing that only STRENGTHENS an already impresssive sci fi short.  It’s the story of a boy, apparently named Ellis so i’ll use that, and his grandmother who live in a bizzare, hauntingly beautifuly stygian sinkhole that has floating rocks and debris. The two spend their day farming potatoes and grabbing whatever they can to hopefully make their way out. But it becomes clear to young Ellis after they find a plane his grandmother wants HIM to go alone and escape and is willing to sacrifice herself.. and ends up having to trick the boy into thinking sh’es going along in order to get him to do what he needs to surivive and thrive. It’s a truly gut wrenching story as even when she seems to have found a way for them both to leave.. it’s very clear she’s simply training him with all the welding tools and what not so he has skills to make it out there on his own in the unknown. So he can live without her.. but more importantly.. so he CAN LIVE. Away from the darkness, not having to scrape and to surivive and hopefully find something better out there. While the old parental figure sacrifciing thsmelves so the youngun can start hteir journey isn’t new.. it’s the unique, beautiful and haunting setting and the emotoin, conveyed only through the utterly beautiful animation that make this story feel fresh, along with it’s great metaphor. This short is just haunting, beauitful and really damn sad, and I only dont’ have all that much to say because it’s all in the visuals. The only thing I have left is like all of these really, watch it. But especailly this one. 

Loop: Enough Said

This is part of the reason I didn’t like Float all that much. Loop is just.. way better at conveying the experinces of having auitism. While Renee is a more severe case than me I can relate to what kicks off the film: Renee, usually paired with an adult at the camp she at, is forcibley paired with a chatty boy named Marcus. While Marcus is eager to go home and has no idea how to interact with the two the two genuinely bond, with Marcus slowly getting into Renee’s world. The key scene for this and the one that clinches the film is Renee waving her hands over the reeeds in the water, throughly enjoying it with marcus not getting it.. till he tries himself. Director Erica Milsom, whose worked with autistic children and picked this medium entriely because i’ts perfect for a non verbal character and is one that can tackle heavy issues like this in a way to help people understan, really wanted to counter most depections of severe autisim, paticuarlly sensory issues. While we see the good in them instead of JUST her freaking out or being overwhelemed: how her sounds and the things she feels truly relax her and how she really DOES enjoy nature and is perfectly at home there. It’s just a beautiful way to show this disablility is not ALL bad, as many works tend to focus soley on the drawbacks. While I had my issues with Float part of it was it had too much good.. but Loop is superior at this simply because it shows both with unflinching honesty: The beauty of something that calms and relaxes your brain or a touch or sensation that just FEEELS really good, things that while again i’m not on the same level as Renee.. I can still fully relate to.  But what puts it over float besides not having a messy metaphor is it DOES show the issues that come with it.. but does so WELL and with nuance. It shows how isolating autisim can be, especially for someone like Renee who can’t talk, how people are sometimes freaked out by you and don’t know how to interact with you and how adults can MEAN WELL, and the counsler setting them off was a good idea in the end... but can also be misguided and not fully know how to handle you without overwhelming you. It shows just how bad a panic attack can be, how you can just.. shut down and drive away. It was easily the sequence that hit the hartest and resonated the most as I’ve had those, and i’ve just shut down with no one able to reach me.. and it makes it all the more touching as Marcus eventually realizes how to handle things, and gives her space despite the setting son and the peril of being stranded.. because he realizes she needs it and offers to simply be there when she’s ready. It’s a touching, wonderful gesture, capped by him giving her a reed.. and the two heading home finally udnerstanding one another.This one is very close to wind in my heart and I think I found even more love for it writing this review and realizing just how much it hit me. And that ain’t bad. 

Out: Be Proud of Who You Are.. with the help of a gay cosmic space cat 

Speaking of hitting close to home and really resonating with me, we have Pixar’s first short with a gay main character, with his sexuality being the center of this. And as a bi person who had struggle accepting his sexuality let alone telling anyone, even when you know someoen will likely accept you.. this naturally hit hard. I took some time to realize I was bi, and when I did I was terrified of telling my mom, despite her being loving, supportive and just wonderful, same with my brother. Both fully accepted me as I figured and had no issue with it, esepcially sine my romantic history is nearly non existant anyways, but I related to our hero Greg’s fears of coming out to his parents despite them being utterly wonderful, well meaning people. It’s hard to come out, it’s hard to admit that about yourself, and it’s hard knowing you may not be accepted or things may change. I had an even harder time coming out to my dad, who I fully expected being a trump supporter and having said “if gay marriage is leagal I should be able to marry my cat”, to not support me and to loose him.. and was proud and suprised when nope, he was utterly supportive and happy for me.. if a bit awkward with the “be careful with sex” advice.. to someone whose had none and may never will due to being awkward as shit. But he meant well and the point is I really related to this, and it’s easily one of the best coming out stories of this kind, tied handily with Schitt’s Creek’s episode about Patrick coming out to his parents that dealt with the same theme.  And naturally given the nature of these shorts it was a story close to Stephen Clay Hunter’s heart, as he group up a gay nerd in the 80′s a time when homophobia was even worse and representation was near non-existent. So when given the shot he wanted to make something for a young him, something they can look at and point to and tha’ts me. And the behind the scenes short for this one sold just how... big this felt for him. To draw two men in love and embrcing, to see guys mo capping that. To see someone LIKE him on screen. It shows just how important representation is and how dumb it is it took 20 goddamn years at pixar for them to get gay. 

The short itsel is delightful as we open with a gay space cat and dog appearing in a rainbow. The Cat and Dog are watching Greg, a nice young man whose moving out of his small town with his boyfriend Manuel.. only to panic when his parents who he hasn’t come out to show up to help move and try and hide the one photo he has of them. And despite Manuel seeing it as a very easy thing to do to come out.. it’s not for Greg. He knows it’s hard and a scene of him practicing shows the poor guy breaking down at the thought of telling them despite getting every indicatio their nice people.  It’s then the whole Space Cat thing comes in as the cat enchanted Greg’s dog’s collar, so when greg puts it on as  a jest, it’s a body swap! So naturally we get tons of REALLY well animated shenanigans as Greg has to get his body back. Seriously the animation here is gorgeous with director Hunter choosing the painted on , impercet style to give it a storybook feel which fits the story perfectly.. seriously if Disney hasn’t made a story book of this do so.. and if they won’t someone on etsy do it because Etsy is apparently where the merch companies should be making happens.

The point is it’s fun, furious and leads to some great gags.. and then we get the emotional punch to the godnand as Greg bites his mom’s hand in order to prevent her finding a photo of him and his boyfriend. He instnatly regrets it, and breaking the photo in the process and goes to comfort her.. and we get easily the most emotinal, most beautiful part of it as Greg finds out his mom is hurt as she can clearly tell he’s keeping her at arms length and dosen’t want to loose him.. and she’s known all along he was gay.. just like the Schitts Creek example it’s clear she’s hurt a bit her son is scared to tell her but just wants him to be happy. So with a brilliant use of a squeaky toy greg switches back.. and comes out, with his dad warmly hugging miguel when he introduces himn and the space dog crying. Just a beautiful, charming, fun, and gorgeously animated short with some badly needed representation.

Also... one last note. This isn’t related to the short.. but Disney, who once again proves they can’t be progressive without stabbing themselves in the foot and no I will not stop giving out about this. This time’s especailly bad as while Out was heavily promoted.. the descripton DOSEN’T mention it having Pixar’s first gay lead and goes out of it’s way to hide Greg being gay despite the fact the short dosen’t and his being in the closet is the whole conflict of the short. And the not mnentiong the first gay lead thing is noticable because Loop DID rightly point out it was their first non verbal proganist. You can’t.. brag about being progressive about one thing and then try to hide your being progressive about another you idiots. Plus the “pleasing the bible belt” ship has sailed and left port. Ducktales is gay as hell with Penny being gay, even if Disney won’t let her just come out and say it, the crew still had her say it as much as they could, Violet’s dad’s being gay, Della being bi and Webby and Lena being as close to a couple you can get without disney screaming at them no. Andi Mack is fully avaliable on D+ as well.. well okay not fully because the dad turned out to be a pedophile, but still a series with a fully gay character is out there. And finally Owl House got TONS of press for having a bi progatanist and having her love intrest be a girl. Even if Dana Terrance had to FIGHT for that, and rightly so good on her, the point is you have queer characters already. The groups that hate you for that aren’t going to magically stop hating you because you hide the fact a short anyone can see from minute one is very , beautifully gay, I mean it starts with a very swishy space cat emerging from a rainbow atop a pink dog. COME ON. I only have a few words left for disney..

Okay whew, one more and we’re out of here. 

Burrow: It’s Okay to Ask for Help and To Bang a Willing Salamander This was the first one I watched today. In hindsight had I properly researched the shorts and realized how heavy they were I probably would’ve saved this one for later to help balance out the deep feels of some of these. While Burrow is VERY VERY good, as all these shorts have been even Float, it’s subject matter is a lot lighter. I mean so far we’ve had stories about toxic masculinity, animal abuse, issues accepting your child is diffrent, sacrficing yourself so your loved one can have a better life, autisim and coming out of the closet. Even Smash and Grab which is light and breezy.. still has a disney death, and is still about a heroic rush to freedom from slavery whenyou think about it. This one.. is about an insecure bunny whose afraid to ask for help and ends up learning to get it while ending up plumiting through a bunch of comedic set pieces. It’s basically if Winnie the Pooh and Bugs Bunny had a baby comedy wise, it has the warm feeling of pooh art wise, a storybook quality tha’ts utterly adoring.. but director Madeline Sharafan specifccally wanted the animators to take after chuck jones, using lots of great expressions and reactions. It has a real classic theatrical screwball comedy vibe and given The Looney Tunes, Droopy, and Tom and Jerry mean the world to me and i’m glad nto reocnnect with 2/3 thanks to HBO Max.. I fucking loved it. 

Burrow is still a personal story and is based on Sharifan’s experinces having trouble colaberating, wanting something to be fully baked before showing it off, something I agian relate to. She often hid from the others and refused to show her work until it was done while everyone else was happy to help. And as the previously used to slam disney hard with something they own Hickman Era of X-men has shown.. colaboration is just better and more freeing. By having friends and colleuge s to bounce off of you refine ideas, see how people react to them and grow a bit and that’s what the shorts about. 

The plot is easily the simpliest of these: A young bunny wants to build her dream burrow but gets self concious when she runs into a friendly mole and rat living next door to where she wants to build and keeps digging to find both privacy and her own place.. and instead ends up digging into various shenangians and other burrows from frogs, to hedgehogs to most memorably some Salmanders taking a sauna.. and in the best and most ‘how the fuck did they get away with this bit of it”, one of the salamanders ends up .. gladly removing his town and being liike “You wanna do this? I mean I got an hour free” And i’m just saying while now wasn’t the time and the offer was a little awkward i’d go for it if I was her. I mean at least ask him out for coffee later. He seems nice enough if low on boundries. Then ride him until the morning light girl, ride it. She also finds the Demon Bear from New Mutants at one point.. so that’s where he retried to after danny kicked his ass again. Neat. 

But eventually our heroione digs herself too deep and ends up hitting water before finding a 

Who sees her crumpled plans and then does the stygian call of the badger to call all the other animals to help and after they escape the flood, the bunny finally realizes their good people and lets them see the plans. So we end on our heroine and her new friends and possible salamander lover helping her settle in as she finallyg ets the home she wanted, complete with disco. I mean every home should have a disco. If I didn’t have a ceeling fan i’d have a disco ball.. and I still want one just to set somewhere or hang away from the fan . Let me dream dammit. Overally a fun, hilarious, mad dash short with a good message and a good note to go out on.

Final Thoughts: Overall.. the Sparkshorts program is fucking spectacular, a great way to let some of Pixar’s staff get into the directors chair and really shine, and a way to tackle issues that they may not be able to get greenlit into a full film. Lushily animated, well produced, Pixar has announced MORE are coming and I cannot wait. Thank you kev for comissioning this, and thank you all for reading. If your new and liked this review, follow this blog as I talk disney all the time: when they come back i’ll be doing regular coverage of Amphibia, Ducktales and the Owl House as new episodes come out every week, and i’m currently doing a retropsective on the three cablleros kev also paid for, with the finale of it, an episode by episode look at the legend of the three cablleros, starting this week. I’m also covering LIfe and times of scrooge mcduck (though infrequently for a bit), and finishing up a look at darkwing duck’s just us justice ducks, started with looks at all the players involved and finshing next week with the episode itself.  So if any of that sounds good to you, check out the archives, but goodbye, goodbye, goodbye for now. 

[side-effect-of-the-meds]

So, it seems that some of y’all have taken an interest in Niko!!! I’m so glad. Anyway, here’s part two

Nikoshi is torn between charging up to hug his literal fucking idol and keeping up a cool kid facade. Fortunately, the cool kid facade wins out. If Niko had touched Kevin, he would not have been able to stop himself from flinging the kid across the lawn. There’s something that’s just so… so… Riko about the kid that Kevin is on the verge of breakdown. 

Ichirou kind of ushers him into the house and Kevin sits down very mechanically on the couch. From the kitchen, Aaron walks out and is faced with Niko for the first time. Niko’s heard about Kevin Day’s husband before but he’s never seen him. 

“You’re really short,” is the first thing out of his mouth. This kid, this absolute asshole, walks into his fucking house and the first fucking thing he says is ‘You’re really short’???? Aaron is so stunned by this kid and his bullshit that he doesn’t even say anything.

Amalia wanders out from the kitchen at the commotion in the living room and the second she sees Niko her first reaction is friend????? New fren??????? She’s very excited. Before she can go out and say anything, Aaron snags her and makes his way into the living room to sit beside Kevin and sets her in his lap. She keeps squirming bc she wants to meet new fren. 

Anyway, Ichirou has already called the two of them and has informed him of who the kid is. They’re going to have to take him to the doctor and get some ‘blood work’ done to confirm Ichirou’s suspicions but they already know. He looks too much like Riko to not be his kid

Ichirou asks a few questions, all of which Aaron has to answer seeing as Kevin is too busy silently flipping his shit. Both Niko and Kev spend the whole half an hour just staring at each other in awestruck silence. 

Ichirou leaves and Aaron says it’s time for dinner. They all eat at the dinner p quietly, except for Amalia who has run out of patience. She insists on sitting next to Niko and blabbering on and on about something or the other. She’s 5 at this point so she’s mostly talking about her crayons and showing Niko that she can count to fifty. For the most part, Niko is content to listen to her bc it means he doesn’t really have to talk. 

After dinner, Aaron takes Niko upstairs to show him his room and hands him some clothes. As soon as Aaron heard the news, he’d gone down to target and just picked some random basic shit out. He tells Niko that they’ll go to the mall soon so that they can pick up a few things that’ll actually fit him. Niko’s never had new clothes in his life. He doesn’t know how to feel about it. 

He puts all of his emotions aside for the time being. He’ll have to evaluate them later. Niko starts to pull his shirt off and he hears Aaron gasp. Only then does he realize that the bruises from his last foster haven’t faded yet. He goes red and backs away, trips over something and falls onto his butt. 

“Niko-” Aaron started, moving forward. Immediately, Niko flinched violently and Aaron stilled. Schooling his face into neutrality, Aaron dropped his hands to his side. “Get changed and come down. I want to see the bruises.” 

“No,” Niko spat.

“I’m not asking,” Aaron countered flatly. “As soon as you’ve changed, you will come downstairs and we will treat the bruises. Are we clear?” Niko nodded. Aaron backed out of the room, shutting the door to give Niko some privacy. 

“What bruises?” Kevin asked, starling a curse out of him. 

“Kev, he’s covered in them,” Aaron replied. Anger burned in his chest. In that moment, there was nothing Aaron wanted more than to hunt down whomever had hurt Niko so badly and beat them black and blue. All that kept him grounded was the pain of his nails biting into his palms. He felt Kevin’s arms wrap around him and he left himself be held. “He looks worse than I ever did,” Aaron whispered. His voice sounded hollow, even to his own ears. 

“He’s going to be okay, baby. He’s here now. We’ll take care of him,” Kevin assured as he stroked his hair. 

A few minutes later, Niko steps out and lets them take him downstairs. Amalia is long gone, put to bed so that she doesn’t witness this absolute horror that her dads are about to see. Aaron has a makeshift clinic set up in the house and he makes Niko sit down on the little bed and take his shirt off. 

Kevin curses and gets smacked for cursing in front of Niko. After figuring out how old they are, Aaron sets to work massaging creams into them to heal them faster. His hands are firm, unyielding, but gentle enough that they don’t hurt. It’s a foreign feeling to Niko. He’s never not been touched by anyone without them intending for him to hurt. 

Aaron asks Niko if there are anymore. Niko is tempted to lie to him but something in Aaron’s dark brown eyes coaxes him into telling the truth. He wriggles out of his pants to show him the bruises on his legs. 

Lashes from rulers stripe his legs. A few scars have accumulated from the metal part cutting into his skin. Kevin sucks a breath in through his teeth when he sees them. He’s been hit with the metal edge of a ruler before. He’s got the same scars on his legs. 

Aaron rubs scar cream into them and takes care of the remaining bruises. He’s so pissed off and it shows on his face. Niko, the poor, sweet bean thinks that Aaron is mad at him. So many adults have gotten angry with him for being such a problem. 

He slides off the table when Aaron tells him to and changes back into his clothes. They dismiss him so he slips back upstairs. Kevin and Aaron stay downstairs to talk for a little while. Neither of them say it outloud but they both come to the consensus that, Riko’s son or not, they will protect Niko with their lives. 

It’s not quite as easy as you’d think. Riko was such a bitch and he caused them and their families so much pain. Over the course of the next few months, every time Niko raises his voice, Kevin flinches violently. There are times when Aaron has to discreetly escort him away to help him avoid the impending panic attack. 

They’d told Bee that they were taking in Riko’s son and she’d mentioned that it would be hard on Kev but Aaron hadn’t thought it would be this bad. It’s been almost twelve years since Riko’s death but Kevin is still such a broken man. 

That doesn’t mean he isn’t trying. Kev drives Niko to school himself every day and picks him up from the bus stop every morning. They work on his history projects together and stress out over math together. Aaron is an amazing science tutor but he’s also very insistent that Niko actually learns things for himself.

Over the summer, Kev takes Niko to the court Every. Single. Day. Aaron, who’s the head physician for Kevin’s team is almost always sitting on the sideline with Amalia to keep an eye on them. He doesn’t need Kev killing their kids. 

Most of Kevin’s frustration comes from the fact that Niko shows absolutely NO POTENTIAL. I mean, baby boi is just tripping over his own two feet and can barely keep track of his steps while holding the ball only to have Kevin just FUCKING BARREL INTO HIM BC HE KNOWS NO RESTRAINT ON THE COURT BC HE’S A DUMBASS!

Anyway, Aaron eventually intervenes and kicks Kev off the court. He just kinda sits a really huffy Niko down on the bench and asks him if something’s wrong. After a great deal of gently coaxing, Niko admits that Kevin is kind of scary. 

Aaron digs his shit out of the closet and steps on the court and he helps teach Niko the basics. In a week, Niko is playing incredibly well for his age and Kevin is pissed bc how tf did Aaron manage this????

Anyway, Niko is playing really well by then so he tries out for the team and makes it! He’s playing varsity despite being in 7th grade and is a starting offense dealer. 

He tried out for dealer in middle school but he only ever plays as a striker at home. It’s his secret and he’s not keen to show his hand just yet. He’s also a halfway decent goalkeep. That being said, both Aaron and Kev are comparing him to the best goalkeep in the Southern circuit so calling him half-way decent is an understatement but I digress.

Anyway, he’s an incredible player bc he has a lot of individual skill but he’s not much of a team player. More than once, he’s mouthed off to the wrong kid and gotten himself into trouble. That being said, he’s really fast so he’ll just nyoom off before anyone can beat his ass and no one has the time or energy to pursue him for it. 

It’s not until 8th grade that he gets into serious trouble. 

Kev and Aaron are called down to the school bc Niko’s gotten himself into a fight. When they get there, they just about die. Their baby boy has a massive black eye and there’s bruises on his arm from someone holding him down. They are so so so pissed off. 

When they ask what happens Niko doesn’t say anything. One of the kids says that he was bullying them. Neither Kev nor Aaron buy that. 

What happened was a bunch of kids were picking on someone and Niko was having none of that shit. He absolutely unleashed and shreds the kids, picking out insecurities they didn’t even know they had and trashing them. So caught up in roasting these ho’s Niko didn’t realize it was time to dip until it was too late. The kids beat the crap out of him and he can barely stand. 

When the kid Niko was defending ghosts into the room Kev and Aaron immediately know what’s going on.

Niko,,,,,,, has caught feelings. Babie is looking at this kid like they hung the goddamn moon and, honestly, they couldn’t past them. Winter Aziz (they/them) is,,,,, stunning and it wouldn’t surprise either of Kev or Aaron if they’d crafted the moon. The two of them are now betting on how long it’s going to take Niko to figure out he likes the kid. 

But back to the actual story. 

Anyway, once Winter gives their side of the story, the dean admits that the boys were in the wrong. Two of the boys end up getting suspended. Apparently, Winter’s parents are busy so they offer them a ride home. In the rearview mirror, Kev can see Niko squirming bc Winter is just sitting so close!!!! They stop by this lil diner that Niko loves and buy him a milkshake. They offer to buy Winter one too but they decline. Niko ends up offering to share and its ADORABLE!!!! Aaron snaps a pic and sends it to Kev so that they can both be reminded of this cuteness. 

Anyway, needless to say, Winter and Niko are now best friends. They do everything together and have a lot of,,,,,,, sleepovers in which Kev and Aaron feel really bad bc Niko’s gone gone for his best friend and Winter doesn’t seem to notice. 

That’s bullshit. Winter knows Niko likes them. They’re just not ready to admit that they like him too. 

Over the summer before 9th grade, Winter becomes a part of their summer practice. They’ve taken an interest in sports medicine bc they can be close to Niko.

Midway through July, Kevin gives up trying to get Niko to be a team player. He’s just not the kind of person who can teach him how to be that kind of person. 

But he knows someone who can. 

It’s a late night on the court and Niko’s run himself ragged. 

“It’s no use to play against an empty goal,” a voice Niko knows too well said. It took every ounce of his energy to sit up enough to see Neil Josten standing above him. “Why don’t you give him a real challenge?” he asked as he stepped aside, revealing a man who looked exactly like Niko’s dad. The man said nothing. Instead, he moved quietly to stand in the goal. “Better hurry up, Niko. Andrew doesn’t like to be kept waiting.” With that, Neil left Niko on the court to face off against the best goalkeep in the Southern circuits all on his own.

[numba99]

Hate to Love You Part 9

Part 1  Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Playlist for shits and gigs if you care

Summary:  You and Jimmy have never gotten along. To say you hated each other would be an understatement. But when a night at a party takes an unexpected turn, things between the two of you change forever. Word Count: 2,240

Warnings:alcohol, like smut adjacent lmao 

The days following your fight with Jimmy sucked. There was no other way around it. You felt so stupid, wondering how you ever let yourself believe that Jimmy actually cared about you. Most of all, it hurt. It really fucking hurt. 

To make matters worse, Brady was suspicious. You went totally MIA for a little over a week, needing time for yourself. As much as you loved Brady, he was tied to Jimmy and you just didn’t want that reminder. Eventually, however, you answered his calls because he was getting worried and you didn’t want to totally freak him out. 

“Did something happen between you and Jimmy?” Brady asked. You were grateful this was happening over the phone so you didn’t have to regulate your facial expressions.

“No why would this have anything to do with Jimmy,” you lied, curious if Jimmy had told him what was going on. If he did he was going to fucking hear it from you.

“I don’t know, I thought things were getting better with you two and now...” his voice trailed off.

“No Brady it’s not like that,” you sighed. You were trying not to get annoyed, but these were exactly the questions you didn’t want to answer right now. You knew that Brady was coming from a good place, and you appreciated his concern, so that kept you from snapping at him. “It’s just I- it was a guy I was talking to. I thought we were on the same page but we weren’t and he’s a total ass. Just kinda been nursing a broken heart I guess.” That was kind of true, you supposed.

“Do I know this dude? Because I’ll kick his ass for you,” Brady replied, making you laugh. Yeah he’s your fucking roommate, you thought bitterly. 

“No,” you replied, “Just some idiot I met through Tinder.” 

“Well shit I’m sorry y/n,” Brady said, “You deserve better than some shitty Tinder guy. It’s his loss.”

“Yeah that’s what I keep telling myself.”

“Good because it’s true,” Brady affirmed, “I’m not a broken heart expert, but I think a night out with friends could help. What do you say? Come out with me tonight?”

“I don’t know Brady,” you replied. If he was going out, Jimmy was coming with him and you were not ready for that.

“Come on y/n,” Brady playfully whined, “Jimmy’s back home for the weekend and Gracia’s still in Minnesota. I’m going stir crazy over here.” Jimmy wasn’t going to be there? That made things different, and a night out would be fun...

“So it would just be us?” you confirmed.

“Well I was gonna invite Kevin too, if that okay?” Brady asked.

“More than okay, it will be good to see Kevin again,” you replied, as a smile found your lips for the first time in a while. Leave it to Brady to make you feel better even after the shittiest of times. 

Later that evening you met Brady and Kevin outside a club they frequent. You were feeling better - getting dressed up did wonders for your self esteem. You looked good and for the first in awhile you felt good. Plus, the way Kevin was looking at you didn’t hurt either.

You got a drink inside, vowing to yourself it would be your only one. The last thing you needed right now was to get hammered and word vomit what’s been going on the last few weeks to Brady and Kevin.

“Man whatever guy hurt you is a dumbass,” Kevin said, joining you at the bar. He looked you up and down, in the least weird way possible. It didn’t feel creepy or anything, it was nice to have someone openly compliment you.

“You could say that again,” you muttered into your drink.

“Seriously though,” Kevin said, slinging his around your shoulder, “I’m really sorry some guy was a total dick to you. You don’t deserve that. I’m sure Brady already offered but I will totally beat him up for you if you want.”

You chuckled, if only Kevin and Brady knew the person they were so eager to beat up was their best friend. “It’s all good,” you replied, “He’s not worth the time or energy. I appreciate the sentiment though.”

“Course,” Kevin flashed a goofy, but adorable smile, “So would you wanna dance with me or is it too soon?”

“Definitely not too soon,” You smiled. However, just as the words left your mouth, a familiar face caught your eye. Jimmy.

Kevin followed your eye, smiling brightly at his friend. “Jimmy!” he exclaimed, grabbing his attention. You wished you could run away, but it was too late. He’d already seen you and you were wedged between Kevin and the bar.

“Hey Kevin, y/n,” he greeted casually. You rolled your eyes, not bothering with a response.

“I thought you were in Boston for the weekend?” Kevin asked.

Jimmy shrugged. “Sister wasn’t feeling good. Didn’t wanna risk getting sick,” he explained. That was a lie, you just knew it. It was something about his dad, but that wasn’t any of your business. Kevin nodded though, either buying the story or knowing better than to question it.

“Brady was looking for you Kev,” Jimmy said, his eyes on you.

“Did he say what he wanted?” Kevin asked. You got a sense he didn’t wanna leave your side and you were too keen on that either.

Jimmy shrugged, “Didn’t say, but he’s back there somewhere.” He pointed back to the crowded part of the club.

Kevin sighed, “I’ll be right back y/n.” His hand lingered on your arm before heading off. Jimmy stepped over in his place, trapping you.

“You and Kevin?” he asked, trying to sound casual, but he was tense.

“Are friends. Not that it is any of your business,” you answered, taking a sip of your drink. You were gonna need that to deal with him.

“Listen I know I w-”

“Save it Jimmy,” you cut him off, “I have no interest in what you have to say. You know, I really convinced myself you weren’t that bad of a guy, but boy was I wrong. You’re the asshole I always knew you were.”

Jimmy’s face shifted as you spoke. Maybe you shouldn’t have been so aggressive, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You’ve felt like absolute shit the past few days all because of him, so his feelings weren’t your top priority at the moment.

“So that’s how it’s going to be?” he asked through gritted teeth.

“What you thought you could treat me like a punching bag and come back and fuck me again? You’re fucking delusional. Do me a favor and fuck off,” you spat, returning your attention to your drink.

“You don’t know me. You have no idea wh- you know what never mind. You don’t give a fuck and neither do I.” He must have stormed off because the talking stopped. Thank god. Just moments later, Kevin returned.

“Where’s Jimmy?” he asked.

“Who knows, who cares,” you mumbled. 

“Brady didn’t even wanna see what me, what a little shit,” Kevin joked.

“You could say that again,” you said under your breath. Then you remembered what Kevin had asked you before. “I’m ready for that dance Kev.”

“Yeah, okay,” he smirked as you grabbed his hand dragging him to the dance floor. Dancing with Kevin was fun, he was afraid to be a little goofy with it and the way he smiled at you made your heart skip. You almost forgot about Jimmy... until you say him chatting up another girl.

His eyes met yours and you looked away quickly, but it was too late. He knew you saw him and now he was going to make a show of it to piss you off. Well two could play that game. As he wrapped his arms around the girl, you pulled Kevin closer you. Jimmy’s hands ghosted over her boobs, you tilted your head back letting Kevin kiss your neck. You were each trying to one up each other by getting more and more intimate with your partner. 

Finally Jimmy went in for the kill, kissing the girl. He kept his eyes opened, locked right on you. You weren’t about to lose, you grabbed Kevin, pressing your lips to his. So there you were, in a stare down with Jimmy across a crowded club as you both made out with someone else.

Wait what the hell am I doing?

You suddenly snapped back to reality. It was hitting you how much it sucked to see Jimmy kiss another girl even though you wanted so badly not to care. On top of that, you felt like a total dick for kind of using Kevin. 

You jumped back abruptly, “I have to go.”

“Wait I’m sorry I didn’t me-”

“No it’s not you I-” you were struggling to find the right words, “Fuck I’m sorry I just have to go.” You ran out without another word, refusing to look at Jimmy again. You didn’t know what would be worse to see: his cocky triumphant grin or him still kissing that girl.

That night you didn’t sleep well. You kept seeing Jimmy kissing her every time you closed your eyes. It was torture. You just wanted to forget everything that ever happened with him.Of course, it couldn’t be that easy.

A knock at the door pulled you from your sulking the next morning. You wondered who could possibly be at your door that early in the morning. Okay it wasn’t that early, but early enough that it seemed bizarre. Part of you wondered if it was Jimmy trying to pull some shit after last night, so you braced for the worst.

You were met with a surprise, however, and a nice one at that. It was Kevin, and he brought flowers.

“Hey,” he said shyly.

“Hey,” you replied, relaxing against the door, “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“I know I’m sorry. I don’t know, I just kinda felt bad about last night,” Kevin explained.

“Kev, I should be the one apologizing to you. I ran out on you like a crazy person,” you replied.

Kevin shook his head, “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. With everything that happened with that guy. I pushed you too fast.”

“I’m pretty sure I kissed you,” you teased, “But seriously, you have nothing to be sorry for. You probably won’t believe me, but I did enjoy it.” It wasn’t a lie, Kevin was a good kisser.

“I’m happy about that,” he flashed a soft smile, “I guess I just wanted to make sure we were going to be okay... I meant if there even is a we I don’t mean to b-”

“Kiss me,” you cut him off.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah Kevin, kiss me. I won’t run this time, I promise,” you replied. You needed to know if there was anything between you two or if that was just a one time thing. Kevin didn’t need anymore convincing. He stepped into your place, dropping the flowers to wrap his arms around you and pull you in.

Okay, it definitely wasn’t a fluke. Kissing Kevin was nice. It was easy for things to escalate. One minute his hand was sliding in your hair in the door way and the next he was sliding down your pants on your bed. It all happened so quickly, yet you kind of felt like you were moving in slow motion. 

Is this really happening? Am I really sleeping with Jimmy’s best friend.

The answers to both those questions were yes. And it was good, Kevin was really good. He was somehow bigger than Jimmy, but he was good enough with his mouth that it was a pretty easy fit. He made you cum three times before letting himself get off. God and the fucking smile he gave you after. Like he liked you, really liked you. It was certainly different from your hook ups with Jimmy.

But a good different? You didn’t really know. Yeah, it was great sex, but... something was missing. You couldn’t quite but your finger on it but it just wasn’t the same. Maybe it was because you were just so used to the hate sex that anything else was throwing you off. It was a good enough excuse for yourself now. 

It was nice enough that you were interested in more. It could take a little time to get Jimmy fully out of your system, but you thought Kevin could help with that. He was always so sweet to you, giving him a chance couldn’t hurt.

“You know I didn’t just come over here for sex,” Kevin nudged you, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Could have fooled me,” you teased, nudging him back. 

“I know we did this a little backwards, but I’d love to take you on a date. If you want to that is,” Kevin replied, nerves peaking through in his voice. It was sweet.

“I’d like that a lot,” you smiled, giving him a quick kiss.

“Awesome,” he beamed, “I gotta run to practice, but I’ll text you.” You nodded, walking Kevin to the door. You picked up the flowers he had dropped, thanking him again for them, before saying goodbye. You pressed your back against the door, breathing in the sweet scent of the flower and desperately trying to ignore the mess you surely just created.

[madelainesvixens]

AFTER MATCH SURPRISE |  JOAVIN

This is a repost from a prompt I received back in November...and accidently got deleted a few minutes ago. Why am I allowed on a computer again?

It’s been a few months since Joaquin had been back to Riverdale and the young Serpent hadn’t left the campsite more than five times. School had started again but Joaquin didn’t sign up. He thought about it, returning to school and attending Riverdale High with Toni, Sweet Pea and Fangs but that meant possibly crossing paths with Kevin in the halls and he couldn’t face Kevin after what he did.

So he spent his days by the river, guarding the campsite alongside his fellow Serpents. Now that the Ghoulies had claimed the majority of their territories, they had to watch their back closely.

As the weeks went by, Sweet Pea and Fangs became more and more worried about him. He looked thinner and not in a healthy way. He was quieter too and isolated himself a lot. His friends had a doubt Kevin was the center of Joaquin’s depression but neither of them dared bringing up the topic the touchy subject that was Kevin Keller.

Until Monday night.

“I think you should talk to Kevin.”

Panic flashed on Joaquin’s face. “I can’t.”

“Why’s that?” Fangs asked.

They were sitting on one of the old couches on the campsite, talking about everything and nothing around a beer when Fangs dove into the one-who-shouldn’t-be-named subject. He, Toni and Sweet Pea had drawn straws and Fangs had been the lucky one to draw the short straw.

“He’s mad at me and he has a new boyfriend.”

Joaquin took a sip of his beer, obviously biter about the new boyfriend situation. While it hurt to see Kevin ben happy and love-y with someone else, he couldn’t  blame him. After all, Joaquin had told the Northsider he would never come back to Riverdale. It wouldn’t have been unfair to tell Kevin to wait for him in case he’d come back.

Fangs shrugged. “So what?”

“He’s in a relationship with someone, I can’t waltz into his life like a ghost from his past and ask to take me back.” Joaquin shook his head, scoffing. “And, he hates me.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t hate you.”

On Thursday, Joaquin went to Kevin’s wrestling match and waited for him outside the door of the locker room after the match. It took a lot of convincing from Fangs but he got Joaquin to leave the campsite and go talk to Kevin.

Hood over his head and hands buried in his hoodie’s pocket, Joaquin stood nervously, bright eyes hopeful every time someone would open the door and come out.

Minutes passed and soon Joaquin realized it had been an hour since the match had ended yet Kevin still hadn’t come out. For a moment, he wondered if he had missed his exit but then, the door opened and Joaquin’s mouth was suddenly dry and his heart was pounding so hard in his chest it seems like it was in his ears, and he found himself holding his breath. Kevin froze and waited there for a moment, surprised.

The two teenagers stared at each other for a few seconds, unable to speak.

“Hey.” Out of all the things he could’ve said, ‘hey’, while appropriate to say greet people, was a bit too formal considering how they left off last fall.

“Joaquin.” Kevin’s voice was thick and you could feel the pain in it. He wasn’t expecting to see the Serpent ever again so it was a hell of a shock to come face to face with him after his wrestling match. “How long have you been back?”

Joaquin looked down, knowing Kevin wouldn’t take his answer too well. “The riots.”

Kevin’s eyes widen. The riots? Those happened months ago.

The brunet furrowed his eyebrows, adjusting his bag’s strap over his shoulder. “You said you were never coming back.”

“I know. But, I got a call from FP saying he needed my help to make Fangs disappear after he was accused of murder.”

Kevin almost scoffed. Of course FP was behind Joaquin’s return. The raven haired boy obeyed to his every wishes and commands.  He might be their King of whatever but that doesn’t mean Joaquin had to jeopardize his life for him - again.

“Midge,” Kevin informed.

“What?”

“The girl who died. Her name was Midge.”

The locker room door opened behind them, another wrestler leaving, and they paused. He patted Kevin on the shoulder, congratulating for putting that asshole Joffrey to the floor before leaving.  

“Can we talk?” Joaquin looked around. “In private,” he added, still not comfortable being out in public.

“I told Moose I’d be meeting him at Pop’s-”

Joaquin didn’t come all the way from the Serpent’s campsite to be brushed off by Kevin. He came here to talk to him so he will talk to him.

“It’ll take a few minutes. Please, Kev.” He looked up at Kevin trough his dark lashes and Kevin couldn’t say no to those pretty, pleading eyes.

A buzzing noise came from Kevin’s pocket. Kevin pulled it out and saw a text from Moose saying he had to reschedule because he was meeting with his RROTC buddies instead. He swallowed thickly and sighed. Moose was allowed to see  his friends, the rbunet didn’t have a problem with that. The things it, it wasn’t the first time Moose chose his RROTC buddies over him and although Kevin always say it’s fine, he was hurting inside.

“Okay.”

The two left Riverdale High in Kevin’s truck and went to Kevin’s house. His dad wasn’t home so no one would bother them, it was safe. Instead of heading up to Kevin’s bedroom, they sat in the living room.

The Keller’s couch was small so they were sitting very close to each other which made Joaquin more nervous. He had this whole speech planned but now, being so close to Kevin, all words seemed to have vanished from his mind and he didn’t know what to say.

Joaquin held his breath, apprehending what he was going to say, knowing it would bring up horrible memories. “I know what I did was fucked up but I got caught into it. I didn’t willingly participate cleaning up the murder. I had already seen the body on the floor, ditching FP would’ve costed me my jacket and the Serpents are the only family I have. When we found Mustang, I was terrified. FP was behind the bars and I was on my own. I didn’t know what to do. So I fled to save my ass.”

Pausing, the Serpent looked up at Kevin, trying to gauge his facial expression but the brunet’s face was difficult to decrypt.

“While I was away in San Junipero, there wasn’t a single day where I didn’t think about you. There wasn’t a day where I didn’t pick up the phone and almost called you. I dialled your number once and you picked up but, the second I heard your voice I hung up because I couldn’t do this to you. While it would’ve pacified my loneliness and warmed my heart to hear your voice, it would’ve caused you pain and I couldn’t do that to you. I caused you enough pain. I remember the hurt on your face when I got into the bus. I’ll remember that look for the rest of my life. I never wanted to hurt you, Kevin. I swear it wasn’t my intention.”  

While Joaquin was talking, Kevin had to look away in order to stay emotionless. Although he was mad at Joaquin, his heart was still weak for him. He hadn’t healed perfectly from their breakup, it would be so easy to fall back into the Serpent’s arms but Kevin had to resist the the charm of the snake.  

“When I first touched here my first thought was you. I wanted to go to your house and run back into your arms because I missed you so fucking much when I was away. But, I couldn’t. I had obligations elsewhere. Fangs is my best friend and he needed me. I had to control my impulses. Then, there was this big fight with the Ghoulies and the Serpents needed my help dealing with the aftermath and the fall down of the gang so I stayed.”

Minutes passed and Kevin was still quiet. He hadn’t said a words since they left the school and it was starting to kill Joaquin. “Now, you know everything. Love me. Or, hate me. But, please, say something.”    

“And, it never crossed your mind to tell me you were back,” Kevin said bitterly.

Guilt settled in the raven haired boy’s stomach and he looked down. “I saw you during the riots. When you and those Northsiders punctured the Serpents’s tires at the Wyrm. I almost went to you but I decided it was best for me to stay out of your life.”

Right now, Joaquin reminded him of Betty. He’ll admit that it dangerous and reckless to go into the woods at night when there was a killer on the loose but she had no right to go to his dad behind his back and tell him about the night cruising. He get that she was scared for his safety but he wasn’t a child who needed protection anymore.

“I’m perfectly capable of making my own decision, Joaquin.”

“That’s not what I said-” he defended but Kevin cut him off.

“Then why did you chose for me!” Kevin yelled in frustration, standing up from the couch. “So what if I get hurt in the way? I’ll pick up the pieces and deal with the consequences.”

His outburst took his ex boyfriend by surprise; he had never seen Kevin acting like that. The brunet closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths to compose himself and sat back down next to Joaquin.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to lash out at you,” Kevin apologized. “I understand that you were trying to save me from another heartbreak but have you ever thought that maybe being away from you was causing me pain too? I know it’s been months but I can’t forget about you, Joaquin. I don’t think I ever will.”

Then, Kevin moved his hand over Joaquin’s and the older boy was shook for a second. Joaquin glanced down at their hands, a small smile tugging at his lips as he flipped his hand over, lacing his fingers with Kevin’s. Was this Kevin’s way to say he accepted his apologies? Before he could say anything, Kevin squeezed Joaquin’s hand, clearing his doubts.

[adamslynches]

Break Up.

here’s a fic rec!!! The fic is by @quoththeraven-never-more and I have permission to post it, I hope you all enjoy!

read on ao3 here

It’s funny how breaking up is often synonymous with breaking down. That one word in difference often made no difference at all. And Kevin was feeling it. He’s tense. His heartbeat, fast. His head, pounding, from how much crying he'd gone through. He'd broken up with Jeremy only a day ago, and broken down without Jeremy in the night that followed it.

It's been a day since he did it. Now he stands in the bedroom, packing his things away. Trophies, sweaters, socks. Anything of Jeremy's he tosses to the bed. Some things- CDs of Kevin's that his boyfriend had liked- he sacrifices to the Jeremy pile.

They'd shared the apartment for months. Months of memories, months of dreaming. Months of soft cuddles, months of kisses on the cheek and gentle affection. Months of warmth.

The new apartment Kevin has picked out is a lot more grey. Concrete walls, bland generic paintings. Ceiling lights without shades. It’s cold there, and Kevin doesn’t even have a mattress to sleep on.

He wonders if he can claim a mattress from his ex. Is that ethical?

It had never been Jeremy's fault. Jeremy has always been perfect. He’s handsome and thoughtful, precise yet not critical. And Kevin had thrown it all away.

But it’s better for Jere, he's pretty sure. He deserves better.

Kevin's heart fucking aches. It’s crying, weeping. Go back, it screams, don't let him go.

Those months had been the first time Kevin felt alive since the day Riko drew his last breath.

Kevin doesn’'t want to go back to the cold. The cold that came with Riko, with the Ravens. There’s no reason to expect that, considering the boy's death.

But he doesn't deserve any better than that, does he?

Maybe he’s comfortable in that uncomfortable cold by now. Maybe the warmth alienated him- made his skin crawl. Maybe Jeremy had been too warm and cozy. Maybe he had burned and suffocated the boy. Maybe Kevin longed for the cold again. Longed for keeping his head down. Maybe he just-

Kevin turns when he hears Jeremy at the door. He sighs. He isn't disappointed that the boy has joined him, just sorry that the boy feels he has to.

"Is this yours?"

The darker haired boy holds up a sky blue sweater. Of course it’s Jeremy's, it’s far too colourful. Jeremy doesn't mean to display his personality through his outfits, through his colourful wardrobe, but he does. Plain and simple. As does Kevin, and his closet matches, akin to an infinite abyss of darkness.

Jeremy nods, and then walks forward to take it from Kevin's hands, folding it gently.

"I called you, but you didn't answer, so I called Andrew, and then your dad. They said you weren't answering your phone at all."

His voice is worried, more worried than Kevin deserves. He had dumped him, for fuck sake. Jeremy had cried.

"Figured you could use some help, though."

He started to tidy the things Kevin had put on the bed into piles, trying his best to start a normal conversation. Kevin doesn't really feel much like talking.

So he doesn’t. Not a word passes through his lips. He listens, though. He keeps back the tears he feels coming on, he keeps back the apologies and everything. He just wants silence. He wants to be alone and to be cold, freezing even.

Jeremy isn't willing to let it rest, though. He helps Kevin to sort through his own things too, before pausing as he picks up his own Trojans hoodie that Kevin had all but stolen.

"Do you want to keep this? It doesn't feel right to take it."

"It's yours," says Kevin blankly. "You can take it if you want."

He doesn't want it. Honestly, he wants everything about Jeremy to just stop existing. He wants Jeremy to live a good life and not have it be tainted by Kevin Day. Jeremy bites his lip, and then put it with Kevin's things anyway before moving on.

"I said you can take it, Jere."

"I don't want it, I gave it to you." He shrugs and then shoots him a smile. "The Trojans are your favourite team, Kev."

It’s unfair, really, how Jeremy's smile could make his stomach flip over. Kevin lets his face drop before he nods. "Okay, fine."

Maybe now that he'd gotten used to warmth, he'd freeze to death in the cold.

Jeremy thinks back to all the memories they'd made between these four walls. All the deep conversations, all the opening up and the emotional bonds formed between them growing and growing. Why did it have to end? If not sorrow, Jeremy is filled with confusion. Why did Kevin dump him? Was he not happy? Was he too ugly for him? Why, why, why did he have to be so cruel?

Was it because of exy? Because they weren't on the same teams, maybe because Kevin wasn't a Trojan. Was that it?

Was it a lie, every time Kevin said he loved him?

Jeremy doesn't know how he’s going to cope. He'd gotten used to the boy's smell, sharing the boy's clothes. How he curled up awkwardly, how he walked around barefoot. He likes Kevin's cooking. He likes Kevin's baking- he loves Kevin's scones. Living with the boy had been like a dream.

But now, he supposes, he is awake.

He’s been shaken out of this blissful dream back to the nightmare of reality. The loneliness. Sure, he has the team. But he doesn’t have Kevin. And right now, he'd kick the team to the curb if it meant understanding how Kevin Day thought.

On the outside, it looks like Kevin doesn't understand that they had just broken up after not only being together for months and months, but that they'd lived together. They'd moved into an apartment together.

Just… why?

Jeremy must have been staring for too long, because Kevin furrows his brow. "What?"

For some reason, Kevin is excited to be single again. More likely he’s making himself excited. Forcing himself to be. Breaking up had been his idea, though. He doesn't deserve Jeremy, not in the slightest. That’s what he has to keep reminding himself.

"Just thinking."

"About what?"

"Us."

There’s no more us. If there’s a word for the past tense of us, that's what we are. We were, and now we are not. Kevin wants to say the words, knows how badly they'll hurt. Maybe then Jeremy will leave him alone. He deserves it.

"Why?"

Jeremy sighs. He shouldn't talk about it. He should let it die. He should talk about it with his friends, he shouldn't try to ignite somthing again. Why should he bother?

"Because I don't want us to be over, Kev."

Kevin sighs. Most of him doesn't either. But most of him isn't logical. Most of him doesn't take into an account what a shitstain he is. How terrible of an influence he is on people. The drinking is too much already, and unbeknownst to Jeremy he's taken up smoking recently too.

Kevin finished packing his bags and snaps the last suitcase closed. He heaves them to the next room, leaving Jeremy unanswered for a few minutes. Jeremy lingers in the doorway, not letting Kevin out of sight.

"You'll be glad you got rid of me."

That would initiate an argument. Kevin knew it. That's why he said it. And now it's out there, words floating about. You'll be glad.

Jeremy feels guilty. Was it something he'd said?

"Was it something I said? Or is it just the self deprecation?"

Kevin shakes his head. "Neither. It's just the truth."

"So that's it. You're leaving-?"

"That's it, Jeremy. Get over me."

Jeremy feels his heart finally snap.

"Get over you? How am I supposed to get over you, Kevin?'

Jeremy stomps past him, waving his hands in the air. "Oh, however will I get over Kevin Day! Oh my god, my life is forever ruined, the most important man in the universe has just dumped me! You're such a fucking narcissist, Kevin."

Kevin huffs. "Exactly. I'm a piece of shit."

Jeremy scoffs back at him. "That's not an excuse. You can't just say that you're an asshole to excuse your shitty behaviour. God, you're so immature."

"Yeah, I'm-"

"Say one more thing about how bad you are, Kevin, and I swear to god..."

Jeremy's face had gone red. Tears were out, now, streaming down his cheeks. He sniffles.

"I'm in love with you, regardless of how fucked up you are. God, fuck you, fuck you for being the one to break my heart, Kevin."

"Get out of my w-way."

Kevin tries to shove him out of his way, but Jeremy holds his ground. "Just tell me why. Really, give me the real reason. What did I do?"

The raven-haired boy just shakes his head. "You did nothing. You were perfect. You are perfect. And I'm just not."

Jeremy shakes his head, crossing his arms. "That's not fair, I- I want to be with you. Are you waiting for me to beg, because I'm not going to beg."

"I don't want you to beg-"

"Then what do you want?!"

Kevin hates this. He hates how rough this has to be. But it's how it has to be.

This is just short term fucked up, right? This is lick your wounds, you're fine, fucked up, right? Kevin would be doing more damage sticking around.

"I want you to get out of my way."

And Jeremy does.

"Don't come back," he mumbles.

"I won't."

"Don't call me in two weeks, crying, begging me to take care of your sorry drunk ass."

"I won't."

Kevin places a hand on the door frame. It's cold now, too. He pulls his bags behind him.

"Bye."

[koganphrancis]

Camless Episode 5

All The Writers Of This Show Are Shit

We had us a brand new writer this week and all we got was the same old same old: OOC, Retconing, and Repeats of Old Story Beats.

I’ll attempt a recap, but this episode really sucked the will out of me.

(gif credit: gallavichlovies)

I’m not going to do my usual character by character recap because frankly some really awful shit went down this week that I’m just going to refer to and not go into in depth.  Plus, so much of the episode was tedious repeats of shit the writer had JUST TRIED to say.  

We had both Debbie and Ian go knocking on the wrong doors for advice. We had two endless Lip scenes where all that was happening was he was running and riding a motorcycle.  Maybe next week he can paint a fence and we can all watch as the paint dries. Liam is sexually molested (off screen, but still) by another child who had been sexually molested. Carl and Frank both get slapped around in sexually-adjacent situations just as the show is once again trying to drive home what’s unacceptable for men to do to women-hey, Shameless, that goes for what’s unacceptable for women to do to men, women to do to other women, and men to do to other men as well.  They tried to make “going Fiona” a thing-twice.   There were at least four scenes where Frank tried to get an erection. There were endless retcons (more on those to come).  

My notes are all over the place and the show’s such a shit pile I can’t even begin to make a smooth narrative out of them, so here’s a list of my observations, saving the Ian shit for last.

Debbie had a running thread through a big part of the episode where she’s literally bored to the point of falling asleep listening to Alex-that is exactly how I feel about their relationship/the Debbie thinks she might be gay storyline.  Also, if anyone cares, Debs has completely dropped her equal rights/equal pay fight.  She doesn’t even seem to go to work anymore. Later, Debbie goes to visit the lesbians in Fiona’s building (rather than, I don’t know, talking to Vee about her experiences with Svetlana, since that seems maybe more in line with feelings Debbie is experiencing?) and the scene was clearly written in lieu of Shameless ever showing sex scenes anymore.  

The blond lesbian, Mel, exposes herself to Debbie in the doorway of her apartment (but sadly for the Netflix fans, her back is to the camera), without establishing if Debbie is not a minor, and then she kisses her in a sloppy slo-mo saliva string sharing close up.  Debbie is supposedly stunned stupid by this, but the whole “you like what you like and you don’t have to justify your sexual orientation to anyone” message falls flat.  Debbie has ALWAYS been starved for attention, and she misreads any attention she gets from anyone of any sex.  Since Matty she’s always equated someone trying to be interested in her as being interested in her sexually.  And that kiss wasn’t sexual at all-it too was a form of molestation-it wasn’t asked for or consented to.  This show is shit.  

Carl meets a young woman at a West Point mixer, the daughter of the scary military officer who is throwing the party.  Hello, we’ve done this already with Dom and her scary cop dad.  Yawn.  Carl films them not having sex after she passes out drunk so he can prove he didn’t molest/rape her, should it ever come in question.  At first the young woman is mad (and jumps on him and starts slapping him around, just like Katey Sagal will do in a scene with Frank), but then later she returns Carl’s phone and says she saw he didn’t film them having sex, but there is a recording on there of him having sex with someone else.  He says that’s Kassidi, his ex, but fails to let Kelly (the new chick) know she’s dead and he’s an accessory to her murder.  And how fucking creepy is it that Carl’s kept sex with his dead ex on his phone?  Is that something he’s still watching?  Does he get off to it?  This show is shit.

Kev and Vee get stuck with Frank in a few scenes, foreshadowing the boring seasons to come, should the show get renewed (why are they still sitting on announcing that, btw?).  There’s a subplot for Kev where he’s going to speak at a women’s rally in his new-found position of Vagina Safe consultant, but he wisely bows out when he hears the real hell women face on a regular basis.  Why this show is trying to be socially conscious this late in the game I’ll never know.  Especially since they’ll keep pulling their bullshit and defend it with “it’s Shameless!” like they’ve always done in the past.  This show is shit.

There’s the weekly Fiona/Bored disagreements-this time they’re about little things like music preferences and whether or not Fiona should care about her brother going to prison for up to two decades.  Bored winds up singing along to a song to Fiona at the end-it should’ve been Gus Pfender’s Fuck You, Fiona and they could’ve had a cute discussion about Gus being Fi’s ex-husband.  This show is shit.

Now Ian.  Sigh.  Nothing makes sense.  Everything’s either a lie or a retcon and we the audience still don’t know which.  At breakfast he’s telling the family his plea options, and when Liam questions temporary insanity, Ian rattles off, “Bipolar, off my meds.”  So is Ian saying that’s just the definition of the defense he could use, or is he saying “I was off my meds”????  WHY won’t the show give us any answers?  There were two significant scenes in Season 8 where he staunchly said he was taking his meds and that he (rightly) was entitled to feel emotions and be angry at times.  Are we supposed to think that right about then is when he stopped taking them and then Gay Jesus happened?  But if that was the case, why did he stop taking his meds, and now how long has he been off them-or did he start taking them again and now they’re working after being off them for all the GJ stuff PLUS when he was in jail for 9 months?  IF he was off his meds for any amount of time but especially a long amount of time (pretty sure an argument could be made he’d been off them since leaving Mickey/Monica dying/stalking boring Terror, blowing that old couple for money), why did his manic phase seem so different than when he was back from the army?  Can the show try to explain anything?  

Ian and Fiona and Geneva all go to the lawyer’s office-why?  There IS such a thing as client-attorney privilege and the lawyer, at least, would ask them to wait outside once the screaming began if not sooner.  But oh well.  Ian finally says, “Does anyone want to hear what my lawyer has to say?”  Me at home: YES!!!  Lawyer starts to talk, “I know this judge-he’s under...” Geneva starts yelling again and what gets lost in her bullshit is that later on, the judge is not a he?  

Outside Fi asks Ian, “Are all lesbians that dramatic?”  I asked last week, I’m asking again: Is Geneva a lesbian?  Is this just another retcon?  Her initial interactions with Ian seemed like she was crushing on him, that she wanted him, and there’s been nothing about her being a lesbian in canon.  I know it’s not important, but the lack of attention to detail on this show contributes mightily to its shittiness.

Suddenly Ian has a question, and he can think of only one place to get an answer (even though Liam was able to Google “what is cocktail attire?” and get an answer in seconds.  Ian should’ve asked him to look up his question as well).  

Ian goes to the Milkovich house and it’s so fucking OOC I don’t even want to think about it.  For whatever reason, Ian politely says, “Hi, Mr. Milkovich,” when Terry answers the door-why would he even bother?  Terry’s not big on manners, for one thing, and for another, the last time Ian saw Terry he was flipping him off as he was being carted back to prison.  Don’t think Terry’s going to be warmed over by a polite greeting.  Anyway, Ian asks him about being in the pen, and Terry says there’s ass and mouth rapings that Ian would probably enjoy, shitty food, and beat downs from the guards.  Ian asks if Terry was mouth raped (I think he specified that, I didn’t put it in my notes) and Terry indignantly says that Milkoviches don’t “bottom”.  Ian says, “Was Mickey adopted?” and I can’t tell if he was trying to piss Terry off or if he was genuinely curious, but as a joke it didn’t work-Ian knows (or the old Ian did, anyway) better than anyone that Mickey was absolutely nothing like Terry, in any way, not just in sexual preferences.  Another OOC comment to just make the viewer weep thinking about the old days.  Also, having Terry know, let alone USE, the term bottom was also OOC in the extreme.  He might as well have said, “All Milkoviches are cishet.”  It would’ve been just as believable.  

But back to the scene.  Ian says, “Rapings, food, guards-I can handle that shit.  I just need to know...” Terry interrupts him.  “Anyone can handle that shit.  (Again, me at home: Really?)  It’s the boredom that’ll kill ya...Start reading books, lifting weights...”  (Mickey already told him that about juvie AND prison-how dense is Ian that he never got it?)  “But you’re in the same place, with the same assholes, doing the same shit, every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every god damn year.  If I was you I’d pack my shit and run.”  

Ian’s face while he’s running down all the segments of time seems to look like Terry’s getting through to him.  And Terry telling him to take off is actually the best advice Ian winds up getting-in the long run Terry seems to care about keeping Ian out of prison more than his own family.  Terry easily could’ve slammed the door in Ian’s face and ignored him.  Does that mean I forgive Terry at all for everything he did to Mickey, Mandy, and Ian-not to mention his other sons and Svetlana?  FUCK NO.  But how telling is it that this show is now so bad that a villainous piece of shit like Terry is the one character we are listening to and agreeing with?  

One last thing about Terry-he just got out, but he knows Mickey’s in Mexico?  How?  I’m hoping this is a set up for Ian being able to find Mickey next week (or at the end of the season if we have to wait that fucking long), but this show doesn’t do continuity anymore, so I’m sure there’s no logical explanation for Terry knowing that fact.  

Fi goes to the Gallagher house looking for Ian and finds an empty box of hair dye, and a towel stained with hair dye, and that Ian’s drawers are empty.  I also noticed that his pillow was gone-did he pack that up too?  If so, I’m hoping it’s because he and Mickey shared it and he wanted to keep some part of Mick with him always, but we know this show ain’t about that anymore.  Anyway, Fi goes and tells Lip she thinks Ian skipped bail and they have to go find him.  Lip says no, Ian’s an adult.  This conversation also just took place with Debbie-or takes place right after, the show was so boring I couldn’t keep the repeated scenes straight if you put a gun to my head.  

WHY are the siblings so uncaring about Ian going to prison-or getting caught as a fugitive and spending even more time there?  WHY is everyone so stupid about whether prison is “bad” or not, especially for their apple cheeked, puppy-eyed brother who is dealing with mental illness?  Who may or may not be off his meds at any given time?  Ian couldn’t even handle VISITING Mickey in prison, why does he suddenly think he could do a stretch of multiple years if not decades?  All those years stealing cable and watching bootleg DVDs, did none of the Gallaghers ever watch Oz?  In a prior season it was established that Lip has read so much he was able to determine a Louis Vuitton purse was authentic by the stitching and the lettering-he’s never read about prisons and how they affect young men that are in them for a period of time?  “Hardened criminal” is a phrase he’s never come across?  Lip doesn’t realize how hard Ian’s future as a convicted felon will be when he gets out?  Trying to find a job (especially one with medical benefits), a place to live, all that stuff?  This show is shit.

There’s a meaningless shot of Ian at the train station (we don’t even get to know where he was planning to run to-as if we didn’t know-show us he’s at least headed south, you bastards!) and then there’s a scene where Lip comes home in the dark to find Ian at the kitchen table eating ice cream right out of the Edy’s carton.  (They don’t show us the flavor-it looked like it might be chocolate chip?  I didn’t see any chunks of cookie dough or anything.  Again, this is only important because everything else is so boring that actually knowing what kind of ice cream Ian likes would be interesting in comparison.)  

I guess the ice cream is sort of a metaphor?  Ian’s last sweet taste of freedom?  Or maybe I’m reading too much into it and they just came up with something for the brothers to share and it couldn’t be beer-because of Lip, not because of Ian’s meds because god knows they never cared about that, plus we STILL don’t know if he’s just magically back on them-if he is, how is he paying for them?  Anyway, after Lip’s earlier attitude about Ian being an “adult” and not caring all that much about him ever, he doesn’t deserve ice cream!  Here’s a snippet of their dialogue: 

Lip: So you didn’t run. Ian: Oh no-I ran.  I just...ran back.  (well, at least that’s in character since he ran away to the army and came back, and ran away with Monica and came back, and the fucking Mexican border, but I’m not happy about that fact)

They start listing the things Ian will miss if he’s gone for the next ten years.  Debbie may be married to a woman (I would think her being divorced is more likely, but whatever, I won’t be around to watch it either, I’m gone as soon as Ian’s back with Mickey), Carl will be a war criminal, Liam will be the father of a ten year old, Frank, dead.  Ian asks Lip, “You?”  “Still in AA, if I haven’t drunk myself to death.”  Ian says, “Do me a favor?  Don’t.”  IAN CARES MORE ABOUT LIP THAN LIP CARES ABOUT IAN.  Always has, always will.  “Lip deserves to get out of the ghetto.”  But Lip’s fine with Ian going off to prison because of the whole Gay Jesus thing that he never even began to try to understand or help Ian find a way out of.  This show is shit.

Next there’s a scene of Ian in a suit, dressed for court and talking to his Bible that’s on his bed (still no pillow-weird).  He’s asking Shim to talk to him one last time, maybe give him a hint what he should do.  His voice is soft and pleading and he’s almost in tears and all I can think is he needs Mickey to talk things out with.  Lip comes to the door and says something like they’re all downstairs, it’s time or whatever.  Ian gives the Bible one last look and seems to do a little wink-did he hear something from Shim?  Would it kill this show to let us in on some things?  This show is shit.

His plea hearing was so factually inaccurate it hurt.  His lawyer doesn’t say anything, and when asked what he pleads Ian launches into his entire defense.  And the judge lets him.  OMGJ.  

Again I’m pretty sure I’m witnessing a retcon when Ian says “A young man was being forced against his will into a van to be taken to a conversion camp.”  Um, as I recall (and I won’t rewatch the episodes to get all the exact details, they were too stupid), a young runaway came to the Church of Gay Jesus and claimed his parents were trying to make him get conversion therapy and they were giving him drugs so he couldn’t get erections because they didn’t like the fact that he was gay, but when Ian talked to the dad he said the kid ran away on his own because he suffered from mental illness, was off his meds, and was living on the street and prostituting himself.  As I recall the dad/parents didn’t say anything about conversion, they just wanted him home.  Maybe the dad sought help from the guys in the van because there was no other way to get the kid home-none of this has been established for the court, if nothing else!  This show is shit.

Ian gives a speech in a voice like wimpy Jeremiah trying to convince everyone Jerome was the bad one and it was just lame.  He claims his family loved him unconditionally-since when?  They only gave him crap about being with Mickey, or ignored him.  And then when he became “like Monica” there were definitely conditions on loving him-mainly that he be on his meds.  Right up to this episode they were all going around saying it’s time to let him go-they didn’t love him enough to want to keep him at the house and try to help him!  

Anyway, he then states in open court he was off his meds and in a manic state when he torched the van.  Then he looks back at Fiona and starts to give a tiny smile right before the credits.  Was he lying to get a lighter sentence and he’s smiling because he got away with it?  Or does he look to her like that because he knows she’ll be proud of him for finally telling the truth even if it disappoints/ruins the GJ movement (that is so implausible as a concept it makes my head ache)?  

By next week the show will be in another writer’s hands and I’ll never get the answer to that question either, I bet.  IF this means the-fucking finally-end to the GJ storyline, I’ll have to be happy enough with that. 

In conclusion let me say that once again the only “great” thing about the episode was ZERO mention of Terror!  

But the rest of the show was shit. 

[classic-rock-roller]

1. You and Randy and Kevin are joining Bonham at the regular pre-tour doctor visit. You’ve all already had yours and are set to go while you’re waiting for hers to finish up. She’s in there longer than all of you, and when she comes out, she’s holding back tears. What’s causing them and what do you all say?

We all had to get an HIV test and hers came back possibly positive. I hug her and we get the doctors to do a more thorough test of it to find out that it was actually false. Turns out they mislabeled her test tube with someone else’s blood. 

Kevin: Well, I feel bad for that person. 

Me: Kevin! 

Randy: You’re ok and that’s all that matters 

2. You and Bonham are driving down the road with Chuck and the boys in tow. When you stop at a light, there are some maintenance workers bending over a bush, and they’re wearing those neon safety vests. Chuck glances over as one stands up and he says, “Oh gosh, those are workers, I thought they were balloons.” Bonham says, “How did you think that up?” How do you and Kevin and Randy respond?

Me: Uh-huh, that's nice. (I’m kind of zoned out driving)

Kevin: Are you blind?! 

Randy: They don’t even look like balloons. 

3. You dropped Kevin off at the store while you went to pick up dinner, and only when you get home to Bonham and Randy do you realize you forgot to pick Kevin up. “I’ll be back I have to go get him.” you say. “You forgot your own husband at the store? Real quality wifing.” Randy says sarcastically. How do you and Bonham respond?

Me: I know I know. I’m horrible. I’ll be right back. 

Bonham: Don’t make her feel bad. 

4. Kevin and Randy are over one day while you’re making lunch. Kevin says, “I’m hungry, when will you be done?” Bonham says, “If you’re hungry have a banana.” Before picking up the bunch by the top. Just as she’s turned around and giving it to Kevin, all the stems break and they all fall to the floor.” Randy just says, “Real smooth, babe.” under his breath. How do you, Kevin, and Bonham respond?

Me: That’s ok we can still eat them. 

Kevin: But now they’re dirty. 

Me: Have you ever heard of the ten-second rule? Plus you're not eating the rind. 

Bonham: Thanks, Randy. 

5. You and Bonham are picking Kevin and Randy up from the courthouse one day (they got a joint traffic ticket). You’re waiting for them in the main lobby when Bonham’s phone rings. She answers it, has a short conversation, hangs up abruptly, runs to the bathroom. She’s been in there for a few minutes when the boys come out, so you check to see if she’s okay so you all can go. When you get in there, you see her throw up into the sink. “Are you okay?” you ask. “I’ll be fine, this happens when my mom’s sister calls me. My mom’s sister keeps calling me and asking for money, and it just…makes me sick. It’s fine.” How do you respond, and what do the boys say when you return?

Me: Give me her phone number. I’ll have some choice words with her. 

Bonham: I am not giving you her number. 

Randy: Where were you guys?

Kevin: Yeah, we’ve been waiting here forever. 

Me: I know for a fact you haven’t because I saw you come out three minutes ago. We just had to run to the bathroom. Let’s go. 

6. You are getting ready to go to one of Bonham’s FRYS concerts. She invited the boys too, and even paid for their tickets. They say they’ll meet you there, but seating isn’t assigned so you can’t save them seats. After the show, Bonham comes up to you and asks where they are. You say you couldn’t save seats, so you wait a while before you learn that they didn’t show up. You try to brush it off but Bonham gets angry. “They promised to be here, and they’re not! I paid for their tickets and they didn’t bother to show up! What kind of assholes…” How do you respond, and where were the boys?

Me: Maybe they had to leave early? 

Kevin and Randy did come but about twenty minutes before the end, Randy got a call that Rudy got into a really bad accident and they both went to the hospital. 

7. You are with Bonham and the boys one day when her phone rings. She glances at the ID, says, “Huh,” and answers. After a short conversation, Randy asks, “Who was that?” “My dad.” Kevin looks confused. “I thought your dad was dead.” Without changing tone or expression, Bonham says, “Yeah I wanted you to think that.” How do you and the boys respond?

Me: Yeah, her dad’s annoying. 

Kevin: You’ve met him and we haven’t?! 

Randy: I mean that’s understandable if he was annoying. 

8. You have Kevin over one day. Bonham’s outside in a chair, listening to music on headphones. You two go out to join her and Kevin says, “I’ll be back.” You don’t think anything of it until it’s too late; he comes outside with a watering can and pours it on Bonham. How does she respond and what do you and Kevin say?

Bonham: Kevin! You asshole! (she starts hitting him with her fists) 

Kevin: Hey! It was just a joke! 

Me: Serves you right. I’d be doing the same thing. 

9. Kevin and Bonham disagree about politics, and one day while she’s doing dishes he goes on a rant. You can tell she’s uncomfortable, and at one point she asks him to stop and he says no. He continues his rant until you hear a wet slapping sound and Kevin says, “Hey!” Bonham threw the dirty, wet dishrag at him, and it hit him on the neck. What does she say, what do you say, and how does Kevin respond?

Bonham: I asked you to stop. 

Me: She did, Kev. Do you remember the talk we had a couple days ago? 

Kevin: If you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything at all. 

Me: And? 

Kevin: When someone asks you to stop you stop, 

10. You and Kevin and Randy are at Bonham’s mom’s house with her one day when her mom’s work phone rings and Bonham answers. “MAG-Net construction, this is Bonham, how may I help you?…Mags? No. she’s not available currently…Yes, I’ll have her call back as soon as she can. Is there anything else you need?…No?…Okay, have a good day sir.” Once she hangs up, Kevin says, “I’ve never heard that before.” She says, “What, that? Everybody has a customer service voice.” How do you and the boys respond?

Me: This is true. I used to have one when I worked at my serving job. 

Kevin: Now, I’d like to see that. I don’t believe you. 

Randy: She did. I’ve seen her do it already. 

11. You and Bonham went to a karaoke bar with the new lineup of QR, and about 3 hours in, Kevin says to Bonham, “I know for a fact they added our new album to this machine, I challenge you to a sing-off!” (he knows she’s got no shame when she’s drunk). She accepts, and he tells the other patrons about it when they get to the front. “We’re gonna see who you guys think is better at singing my band’s stuff, me or her. Approval is based on applause, who’s ready!” The audience seems to be down, so Kevin launches forward with Breathless. General approval resonates with the audience. Bonham goes next with Thunderbird, and when she finishes, the audience clearly prefers her. She thanks them and she and Kevin step down, but when they get back to the table, Kevin is visibly pissed off. How do you and the rest of the band respond to their performances, and what do Kevin and Bonham say?

We think both of them were great but Bonham’s was better because the karaoke setting is better for Thunderbird than Breathless. We say they both did great. 

Kevin: I can’t believe I lost! 

Bonham: Hah! I beat you. That’s 50 bucks. 

Me: You bet on this? 

---------------------

1) You are at an amusement park with Kevin, Randy, and your singer. You’re walking around when your singer gets a devilish smirk on her face and pulls Kevin towards the exit of the water ride, all while he’s screaming, “Noooo!” Once the car hits the bottom it sprays a bunch of water that drenches your singer and Kevin. Your singer is laughing hysterically and Kevin looks pissed. What does Kevin say to her, how does she respond, and what do you and Randy say?

2) You go on a drop ride with your singer and her and Kevin’s son Mal. When you get off Kevin goes to Mal. “So did you like it?” “Yeah!” “Was it scary?” “No.” “Do you want to go again?” Mal pauses before saying, “It was a little scary!” How do you, your singer, Kevin, and Randy respond?

3) You’re sitting on the couch when your singer comes home, drops her bag, and sits next to you on the couch before hugging you and burying her face in your stomach. Kevin and Randy come in and Kevin asks, “What are you doing?” Your singer doesn’t even look up and you can hear a bit muffled, “Leave me alone, Kev. I had a bad day.” How do you, Kevin, and Randy respond?

4)  You and Randy are sitting on the couch and your singer is in the shower singing rather loudly to “Oh Sherrie!” You think nothing of it until you hear, “Kevin! Get the fuck out!” “But I want to shower duet with you.” “No out!” Kevin comes out into the living room with a wet head. What do you and Randy say and how does he respond? 

5) You, Randy, Kevin, and your singer are at one of her cousins’ weddings. You’re sitting around a table when a song comes on and her face lights up. She gets up and grabs your hand before going, “Come on Bons!” And pulling you out on the dance floor. What happens next and how do Randy and Kevin react?

6)  You’re out one day with Kevin, Randy, and your singer. Your singer asks Kevin to take a picture of you and her. He does and gives her phone back. She looks at it and then glares at him, “You took a picture of yourself.” “Yes doesn’t it look good.” Your singer pinches the bridge of her nose. What does she say, how does Kevin respond, and what do you and Randy say?

7) You and your singer are on the set of the music video for Twilight Hotel and are on the sidelines watching it. Your singer has all her and Kevin’s kids wrangled up around her so they don’t get in trouble. As you watch, you hear her mutter, “I’d like a pocket Kevin. Then I could keep him out of trouble.” How do you respond? 

8)  You, your singer, Randy, and Kevin went out to the bar and your singer was the designated driver. Randy and Kevin got drunk as skunks and you only had one drink. Kevin and Randy are giggling idiots in the back and while driving home your singer looks in her rearview mirror and goes, “Aw shit.” A cop is pulling her over. She goes to the side of the road and before the officer pulls up goes to Randy and Kevin, “Don't fucking say anything...Hello officer. How can I help you today?” How does the pullover go and what do you, Randy, and Kevin do? 

9) You and Randy are at your singer and Kevin’s wedding. The band is playing when all of a sudden they stop and Kevin goes into the mic, “Sorry to stop the party everyone, but I’d like to perform a song for my wife.” Randy pulls out his guitar and Kevin sings a song that he’d been working on recently. What did he sing and how do you, your singer, and the rest of the people in attendance react?

10)  Randy got locked in the basement while trying to get something and you and your singer are trying to get him out. Kevin comes home and goes, “What are you doing?” You say, “Trying to get Randy out of the locked basement.” “Here let me try...” He tries to use tools and then sets them down. You look at him, “Wow, some help.” “I’m not finished.” He goes to get something and the next thing you know, he comes running at the door and plows into it, knocking it off its hinges. Randy jumps back once he hits the ground and your singer says, “Wow, Kev, you’re quite the craftsman.” How does Kevin respond and what do you and Randy say?

11) You and your singer are sitting in on the recording of QR’s new album Metal Health. The boys are trying to record ‘Cum on Feel the Noize’ and every time Kevin sings “so you think I’ve got a funny face” your singer screams, “Well fuck you.” Finally, the producer stops them and says, “Ok, All those recordings can’t be used because every time we get to that one part, this one,” he points to your singer, “Decides to scream, ‘Well fuck you’ and we can’t put that on the record.” How do you, Kevin, your singer, Rudy, Carlos, and Frankie respond?

@osbournebemydaddy   your move Bons

[justagirlwritingherlilheartout]

Yes? (Carl-Shameless)

Request: I loved your Carl imagine so i was wondering if i can get one? A smut one?Where Carl and the reader are best friends and he's in love with her, they had some sort of relationship. When he decides to clean up his act and go to military school, it's all for her. So when he gets back, he finds out she's barely seeing someone to try and replace Carl's love and he gets jealous, and shows her that she's all his just as much as he's all hers

Firstly i wanna say thank you for understanding i don't feel comfortable writing a smut about a 15/16 year old and settling for a normal imagine with a tiny bit of fluff :)

-

''Hello there gangsta.'' Y/N said sarcastically after sitting down next to the boy  on the couch.

''Ai Honey!'' The 15 year old boy  said wrapping his arm around his childhood best friend. ''Dude, seriously?'' She couldn't help but to roll her eyes. ''How long are you gonna keep up this act?'' ''This ain't no act baby, this is the real me.'' He said, his hair pulled back in little braids, his loose jeans hanging off his hips and a white tank top, making him look like a caricature from a cartoon. ''Well I don't like the 'new you'.'' She said before slapping away his arm and standing up. ''Not only  do you look ridiculous, it's also inappropriate and rude.'' 

She felt furious as she walked out of the house. Carl has been her best friend for practically her whole life. And now? Now she didn't even recognize  the boy she once knew better  than herself. 

-

Weeks have passed. Y/N and Carl bleary talked. He tried to, many times, but she had made up her mind. As long as  he is acting like an asshole she has nothing to say to him.

-

It was his birthday today. She has always spent his birthdays at his house, eating the cheapest cake from the department store and laughing at the position his dad  has passed out drunk the night before. 

She couldn't bare the thought of this year not being with him, oh his birthday of all days. 

She walked up to the Gallanger house and knocked on the door. After such a long time of  not being here it didn't seem right to just enter, like she used to.

''Y/N, hey.'' Fiona greeted the girl  standing in front of her. 

''Hey, is Carl home?'' The younger girl smiled upat the tall brunette. 

''Oh, you didn't hear? He went to a military school.'' 

''When?'' Y/N couldn't hide her shock.

''Two days ago.'' 

''Oh. Um..'' She didn't know what to say or what to do. ''Will you tell him i wish him a happy birthday, if you hear from him?''

''Sure.'' Fiona smiled before the girl walked away.

-

 Ten months have passed since Y/N last seen Carl and boy, did she miss him. 

The school was finally out and she started working at Kevin's bar. Sure she wasn't old enough to serve alcoholic drinks, but no one really cared. 

''Two beers.'' A familiar voice said from behind her. 

''Coming right up, Lip.'' The girl turned around almost doping the beers. ''Carl?!''

''Hey.'' The boy she hardly recognised said. He was wearing a white button down shirt and what seemed to be pants that were a part of some sort of uniform.

''W-when did you come back?'' She asked giving them their beers. 

''This morning.''

''Are you done with military school?'' She couldn't help but look at the boy in front of her. Those god awful braids were gone. His hair washed and combed back, he looked like a man. 

''For the summer, yeah.'' He said nodding. The girl in front of him changed a lot since he saw her. She let her hair grow out,started wearing make up and started to dress... Like a girl. She was always more of a tom boy, but now, she looked beautiful. 

''I'm glad you're back.'' She walked around the bar and hugged him.

''I'm glad to be back as well.'' He smiled in to her neck, hugging her back. 

''Okay, okay. You two love birds need to stop or imma vomit my beer out.'' Lip teased.

''Oh shut up and go fuck Mendy or  Karen or that professor or-'' 

''We get it, I'm a slut.'' Lip cut Y/N off making her and Carl laugh. 

''First step of overcoming the problem is admitting you have a problem. Good job Lip.'' The girl patted his knee before getting back to work behind the bar. 

''When do you get off?'' Carl asked once Lip left. 

''In about,'' She looked at the clock, ''2 minutes.'' 

''Wanna come over?'' He asked hopefully. 

''Yeah, I'd like that. We have a lot to catch up on.'' She smiled just as Kevin walked in.

''I have came to safe you from the cage that is work.'' Kevin said hugging the younger girl.

''Thank's Kev. See you tomorrow.'' She jumped over the bad and grabbed Carl's hand. ''Leggo.''

''Lets.'' He smiled walking behind her.

While  walking they never let go of each others hands. They kept talking, like he never left. Like best friend. 

-

Before they realised it was dark and they were sitting on top of the van behind the Gallanger house looking up at the sky. 

''I thought about you, you know.'' He said lying on his back with Y/N's head on his chest. 

''I've thought about you too. I missed you.'' She said turning around so she was resting on her elbows, facing him.

''I don't want to...'' Carl didn't know what to say, how to tell her how he feels. 

''You don't want to what?'' She asked, her words soft and gentle.

''I don't want to be friends.'' He said, not realising how it sounded. 

''What?'' The girl was shocked and Carl must of noticed. 

''No! No, i didn't mean it like that.'' He said quickly. ''I like you, Y/N, I wanna be more than friends.'' 

''Wh-'' She  was in even bigger shock now. 

''Y/N, will you be my girlfriend?'' He asked, a semi confident smile on his face.

''Yes!'' She finally smiled before leaning down and kissing him.

''Yes?'' Joy colouring his voice.

''Yes!''She repeated before he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her on top of him and kissing her again. 

.

Request here!

Masterlist here!

.

AN: hope the fluffy part made up for the long wait :)

[icecream-and-gadreel]

Pledge Pt. 1

Story Summary: It began as an attempt to keep Kevin safe. You barged into his fraternity and intimidated everyone in sight, looking for that bastard Sam Winchester. You're quickly distracted from the main mission when a pair of blue eyes and a soft smile catches your attention.

Chapter Summary: You're on a mission: Kick Sam Winchester's ass. Sadly, his frat brothers won't tell you where he is.

Pairing: Frat boy!Castielxreader, Frat boy!Kevin tran

Rating: Mature

Warnings: language, smoking, mention of weed, mention of hazing. WARNING: Sam's a scadouche in this fic, my bad g. 

Word count: 1800+

A/N: IT WAS A ONE SHOT I PROMISE I'UNNO WHAT HAPPENED *sobs softly* (It'll be three chapters, tops!) Tags at the bottom!

Kevin shifts awkwardly as you knock on the door, shooting you a concerned look. “It's not that serious –”

“No no no, it's that serious to me,” you say, resisting the urge to grab Kevin's hand in yours. A tall, brown-eyed boy wearing a snapback hat and a Bob Marley sweater cracks open the door, a puff of smoke wafting out as he does. With a lazy smile, he waves a blunt at you, flinching as you point an accusing finger at him.

“The baby's not mine, condom squad,” he says, glancing down. Frowning, you shake your head.

“Are you Sam Winchester?” you growl, gaining a groan from Kevin.

“No, but close. I'm Gunner Lawless, eldest of the Lawless men.” He bangs on his chest, letting out a high pitched scream that makes you flinch back. Pausing, Gunner scratches his head. “Well, like, besides my dad and shit.”

“Show me Sam,” you say. Gunner glances between you and Kevin, drawing his eyebrows together.

“Pledge Kev, tell your girlfriend to chill –”

“NOW,” you snap, making both men flinch.

“What's the problem here?” a rasping voice says from inside. You push past Gunner, dragging Kevin along with you. A blue eyed man puts out a cigarette in an ashtray, tossing it to the side with a smirk. “She's cute pledge Kev,” he says, slicking a hand through his hair. You scrunch your nose at the compliment, staring around the house. It wreaks of sweat and bad decisions; you can tell that many mistakes have been made by the stains on the floor alone. The blue eyed man clears his throat, extending his hand. “I'm Castiel, call me Cas –”

“I'll call you unconscious if you don't show me where Sam is,” you growl, gaining a taken aback look from Castiel. Huffing, you pull Kevin forward, yanking up his sleeve and revealing cigarette burns. The blue-eyed man steps forward, his eyebrows flinching up. His face is blank, but his eyes shift wildly.

“He's pledging,” he says nonchalantly as he turns his gaze to you. “We always asked before we did anything,” he adds.

“You think he wanted this?” you growl, resting your hands on your hips.

“I go by what he told me,” Castiel says, shrugging.  “If he said no, we stopped. If he said yes, we kept going. Mama raised good boys.”

“He said yes because he wants to join this place,” you growl, poking Castiel's chest. He smiles in return, tilting his head. “Why the hell did you burn him –”

“I didn't, Sam did,” Castiel says, nodding to Kevin. “The only hazing I do is of the verbal sort,” he says. You turn to Kevin before turning your attention back to Castiel.

“Where's Sam?” you ask.

“Away.”

“When's he coming back?”

“Eventually,” Castiel grumbles, meeting your glare with a blank stare. “Maybe you and your babysitter should get going –”

“I'm gonna kick your ass,” you say, rolling your sleeves up. Castiel frowns, leaning away as you ball your fists. “Come on motherfucker,” you hiss.

“Y/N,” Kevin says, gripping your arm and urging you away. 

“This prick –” You point to Castiel – “Along with every other prick in this building deserves it!” you hiss, shaking out of his grasp. As if on cue, frat boys begin filing down the stairs, murmuring amongst themselves and surrounding you and Castiel. Kevin swipes a hand over his face, letting out a deep sigh.

“Pledge Kev,” Gunner grunts as he pushes between you and Castiel. “Tell this bitch what you told us –”

“'This bitch' has a name,” you cut in, turning your burning gaze to Gunner. “If you keep ignoring it, 'this bitch' is gonna snap.”

“Try me,” he growls, cracking his neck.

“Now now.” Castiel clasps his hands together, gaining the attention of the room. “We're all going to calm the fuck down,” he says, gesturing around. “You're bringing bad energy into my domain. If you want smoke, take that shit outside,” he adds, his eyes locked on you. You snarl in return, pointing to Kevin.

“I see another scratch on him, I'm fucking you up.” You head for the door, pausing in your tracks and looking over your shoulder. “And I'm still fucking Sam up.”

–

“Just give it up already,” Kevin groans on the other line. You ignore his words, watching as Gunner walks into the frat house. You've been watching these assholes for a week now, but there's still no sign of Sam...you think. No body calls his name; everyone either goes by 'bro' or 'pledge'. It doesn't help that Kevin refuses to tell you what he looks like. “...a real member.”

Kevin's voice cuts into your thoughts. “Repeat that?” you ask, perking up when you see a long haired man jogging up to the house. Nah, couldn't be him.

“I said after tonight I'm a real member,” he repeats, a chuckle in his throat.

“You better not turn into a douche,” you whisper, squeaking as a hand lands on your shoulder. Craning your head up, you're met with blue eyes and a wide smile.

“Having fun out here?” Castiel asks. You quickly hang up your phone, shaking away from his grasp. “I'm curious.” He offers you his hand, smiling. When you don't move, he pulls back, narrowing his eyes. “What's your plan after you 'kick his ass'?”

“Go home, nurse my knuckles,” you say,  standing to your feet. As you try to pass him, he steps in your way, smiling at your annoyed face. "Move." You try to side-step him once more, but he stays in your way. “This has nothing to do with you.”

“It actually has everything to do with me.”

“Yeah? How do you figure?” you ask. He stuffs his hands in his pockets, his face blank as he turns his eyes to the frat house.

“Anyone who stays in that house is my brother.” He pauses, turning his eyes back to you. “And I'm serious about my family.”

“You can get your ass whooped too, if you want.”

“Y/N.”

“Castiel,” you retort. He leans forward, licking his lips. You return his look with a challenging gaze, taking a step forward. “You tryna scare me?” you whisper. He shakes his head silently. You're standing so close that you can feel his breaths, but you're not letting that deter you. Finally, after moments of thick silence, he speaks.

“I'm handling it,” he says. You frown, gaining a smile from him. “Sam's getting taken care of, believe me.”

“...Why?” you mumble, taking a step back. He takes a step forward, shrugging.

“Just because I won't let you hurt him, doesn't mean I liked what he did.” Castiel scratches his arm, smirking. “Plus I think you're whole 'baddest bitch in the land' routine is pretty cute,” he cooes as he brushes past you. Your stomach flips, heat rushing to your cheeks.

“What did I say about calling me a bitch?” you yell after him, gaining silence in return. Huffing, you go back to your place in the grass, searching around. How the hell did he sneak up on you in the first place? The smell of his cologne still lingers in the air. “Fuckin' weirdo,” you grumble.

…..

After an hour of scrolling through Tumblr – and watching the frat house like a hawk – you decide it's time to get back to your dorm room. You hiss as you stand to your feet, stomping your foot against the ground in an attempt to wake it up. The sky above is turning dark blue, and stars are beginning to speckle the sky. Fuck, you didn't want to be out this late. You stare across the street at the frat house, shifting your weight uncomfortably. Castiel sits on the porch, taking a drag of his cigarette with his eyes closed. Before you can stop yourself, you're making your way across the street, trying to think of the words to say. He flicks his eyes up to you as you plant yourself in front of him, ashing his cigarette.

“That's bad for you,” you blurt. He blows out a cloud of smoke, chuckling.

“I'll keep that in mind next time,” he says, his eyes locked on yours. You nod, biting your lip.

“Good.”

“Mmmhm.” He stifles his laughter, standing from his place on the stairs. You can tell by the look on his face that he wants to ask you something. Instead, he begins walking, rubbing his hand over his nape. You watch as he walks, stiffening when he turns to you. “I'm walking you back.”

“Since when?”

“Since I started walking this way,” he says. Rolling your eyes, you jog up next to him, kicking a rock as you do. He takes a drag of his cigarette, turning away from you to blow the smoke.

“You don't gotta do that,” you say. He flicks his eyes to you, pointing his thumb over his shoulder.

“Didn't you just –”

“I...didn't know what else to say.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

You both go silent, the sound of your footsteps against the pavement echoing down the street. He continuously looks around with an occasional glance thrown your way. 

“So you and Kev,” he begins, turning his eyes to the ground. “What's the story there?”

“We went to high school together, I've been kicking ass in his name ever since,” you say, gaining roaring laughter from Castiel.

“I feel it. You see that face and you just wanna –”

“Protect it –”

“Protect it,” he concurs, nodding with a wide grin. “I really didn't know what Sam was doing. He's usually not so...” He lets his voice trail away, rolling his wrist. “....Mental.”

“Kevin says different,” you say, pausing in front of the dorm rooms. “If it makes you feel better..he only says good shit about you.”

“Aw, you care about my feelings now?” he cooes. You roll your eyes, walking backward with a smile tugging at your cheeks.

“Shut up,” you mumble, pausing at the door. “Thanks for the escort, Castiel.”

“Thanks for the health advice, Y/N,” he says. Once more, you both go silent. He won't move, only stares at you with a curious gaze.

“You're not gonna leave?” you ask. He slowly shakes his head, making his way toward you. He closes the space between you both, wrapping his hand around the door knob. You let out a breath, avoiding his gaze. “Why not?”

“I'm not leaving until you go up,” he says, his voice low. He opens the door, pressing against you as he does. “So go up.”

“I'm...going,” you say, clearing your throat. “Kinda hard when you're right here.”

“How? Just back up.” He smiles sweetly, sending a warm feeling over you. 

“You're making me not want to.” The words come out before you can stop them. His smile broadens and he takes a step away from you.

“Have a nice night,” he says as he strides down the street. Huffing, you back into the building, trying to calm your heartbeat.

-

Eternity squad: @mrswhozeewhatsis @beriala @busybee612  @kittenofdoomage @aprofoundbondwithdean @ign-is @icantthinkofaname-oops @catsoftheapocalypse @loveitsallineed  @devsfan55

[popculturebuffet]

House of Mouse April Fools Special: Donald’s Pumbaa Prank (Patreon Review for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people and welcome to my April Fool’s Special! And it’s also my patreon review for the month as Kev just so happened to randomly hit this one and once I realized it was an april fools episode I moved it up since things have been kinda hectic in the old brainpan lately, and as such my output slowed down a bit so I really wasn’t in great shape to do 4 episodes in one day. So instead see what hyjinks, fart jokes and murders of beloved disney characters insue under the cut as the hosue of mouse gets a bit foolish

The Wraparound:

It’s April Fools day at the House of Mouse and Donald pulls a prank on MIckey by cutting his break lines.. wait no that was last year. No this year he just puts some wax on the stage and MIckey trips, Donald laughs. Now if this were the real world this would be really dangerous and probably destroy their friendship and MIckey’s spine. But this is a cartoon that runs on cartoon physics. He was in no real danger. So Mickey’s retaliation on the other hand.. is just showing embarassing footage of Donald. It makes him come off as unecessarily cruel as instead of an actual prank or joke it’s just “Hey look at this embarassing footage of my friend I dug up”

This plot DOES get a lot bettter though after the setup: Pete talks Donald into kidnapping Pumba, planning to use Pumbas farts to clear out the club...

Yeah i’m not big on fart jokes. I’m not against them, when used right they can be comedy gold.. this song from bobs burgers is one such example

It’s just a lot of times farts and other bodily functions are used as the joke alone. That’s it. There’s no actual laughs or content too said laughs, i’ts jsut this is gross.  Thankfully this episode does not go really deep down the grossdout rabit hole, as we don’t see the fart on screen.. but it still dosen’t make “Pumbas’ ass gas is going to destroy the house of mouse” funny. 

There are some funny gags though: Donald’s method of distracting Timon so Pete can kidnap Pumbaa is to just stand there not saying anything and weirding Timon out , their replacement is just a bowling ball, two horns and a sack of something, and when Timon goes looking for Pumbaa, finds Zazu under a plate the hyena’s have.. and then just leaves him there. Seriously Timon just.. let’s Zazu die and I am here for it. 

Donald meanwhile thinks Mickey is planning another prank after mickey apologizes and has a special thing planned but it’s really jsut a lifetime achivment award, so Donald tries to stop it, then reveals the truth when Pumba shows up.. and gets his award taken away. Even though he had every reason to think Mickey was going to pull something because honest as he is i’ts april fools day. Mickey just... obnoxious in this one and it speaks to a larger problem with the series I remember from when I was a kid that i’ve noticed once or twice now: The show tends to have Squidward Syndrome, i.e. it treats Donald who can be obnoxious as wrong.. even when he’s done nothing wrong THIS EPISODE, like spongebob did to squidward at times, or if he has done something wrong his punishment is dispororitante. Donald did a minor prank.. and MIckey publicly humiliated him and Donald TREID to stop his prank. And goes above and behond to stop it, taking the fart attack at ground zero. Speaking of which the fart attack scene from parks and rec, also a good fart joke. 

And MIckey.. learns nothing by playing the test footage again even though Donald was just ground zero at an attomic level ass.

Final Thoughts for the Wraparound: It’s not great. I”m noticing that trend with Season 1 in general, where they really just didn’t have a ton of idea of what to do with the wraparounds. The episodes still vary in quality, but outside of the pilot most of the season 1 episodes are pretty disapointing as an adult, very simplistic plots that often don’t use the club’s nature to their full advantage or the characters to the same. It would get better though, but it’s something to notice. onto the shorts. 

The Friend for Life: This is a pretty simple one. Sam and Max, are after the mad Thesipian, whose exactly what he sounds like. We even get a really neat visual gag as sam just.. uses his little buddy as a sword while the Thespian uses a candelabra. But while our Freelance Police catch the weirdo, and Max takes a ride in the saftey tramp they set up for the guy, he escapes when the two are distracted by Norm, THE FRIEND FOR LIFEEEEEEEE. An obessive fanboy played by Patrick Mackenna of the Red Green Show, esentially playing an older and stalkery version of Harold.. now I think about it this might be his dad. I mean we don’t know where he went or what hapepend to the guy. Maybe he just went to the states to obesss over a rabbit and Dog. I don’t know. 

Lorne wants to help our heroes while Max understandably wants to run him over and sam just runs past him the minute they can. But despite finding the thespians layer  Max: (Singsong) We’re here to arressttt youuu Sam: (Also singsong): Rememberrrrr.. crimesss against humanitty? But it turns out Lorne, THE FRIEEEND FOR LIFFFEEEE, kidnapped him and puts on a show for htem of fighting thier old eneimies and a roller coaster death trap. Our heroes escape and begrudignly thank lorne even if they find his stalker shrine a bit much. 

Final Thoughts for The Friend For LIfe: A really solid episode and the fact i’ve binged several sam and max episodes since then really speaks to how good this one was. Seriously really funny stuff and I didn’t even cover half the great jokes in this one. Check it out, it’s on youtube. 

Mickey’s April Fools: An odd one but a fun one. MIckey is taking his asshole pills and goes overboard with his pranks, faking proposing to Minnie and faking his death after Mortimer pranks him. But it works... I mean is it grossly out of character? Oh god yes. Would it have made more sense by swapping out Mickey, Minnie and Mortimer with Donald, Daisy and either the boys or pete? Entirely. Is this short still hilarous. Yup. While i’ts not the best they’ve done on the show, it’s still really entertaining. The two end up getting him back, MOrtimer by faking a will reading only to have it go really poorly for Mickey as his death was reported, donald refuses to help due to Mickey’s last words to mortimer being “I’ve never undestood him” and Goofy being.. goofy. And MIckey is left hanging from a pole by minnie because fuck him. An out of character one.. but the sheer oddity of mickey being this dickish in the house of mouse shorts makes it work.  Be A Man: As a debut album for Randy Savage this Album is audotirally fucktacular, and with some polish randy could’ve had a long and successful rap career. As it stands, it is a sad one off not ein his career. 

Critters: On an asteroid prison, a group of dangerous aliens known as Krites are set to be transported to another station. The Krites engineer an escape and hijack a ship, prompting the warden to hire two shape-changing bounty hunters to pursue them to Earth. Studying life on Earth via various satellite television transmissions, the first bounty hunter assumes the form of rock star Johnny Steele, while the second remains undecided, thus retaining his blank, featureless head. On a rural Kansas farm, the Brown family sits down to breakfast. Father Jay and mother Helen send teenage daughter April and younger son Brad off to school while waiting on mechanic Charlie McFadden. A former baseball pitcher, Charlie has become the town drunk and crackpot, with claims of alien abductions foretold by messages through his fillings.

Playing with overly potent self-made fireworks and Charlie's slingshot, Brad takes the blame when Charlie accidentally shoots April and is grounded as a result. On the roof that evening, Brad mistakes the Critters' crashing spaceship for a meteorite; Jay and Brad investigate and interrupt the creatures consuming a cow. The creatures thereafter kill and feed on a local police officer, and later besiege the farm and cut its electrical connection. While checking the circuit breaker, Jay is attacked by one of the Critters and, being severely wounded, just barely manages to escape

.In the barn, April is about to have sex with her boyfriend Steve when he is killed by the one of the Critters; the creature itself is slain when it devours one of Brad's lit firecrackers. The remaining Critters sabotage the Browns' and Steve's cars, forcing the Browns to hole up inside the main house. Meanwhile, the two bounty hunters search the town for the Critters, causing a panic at the church and bowling alley, with the second hunter assuming the form of various townspeople, including Charlie. Brad escapes the farm to get help and runs into the bounty hunters, and upon learning of their true nature and intentions, he leads them to the Critters' location.

The last surviving Critters kidnap April and return to their ship when the bounty hunters arrive, and attempt to flee. Charlie and Brad manage to rescue April, but Brad drops a large firecracker he intended to use to destroy the ship when the Critters discover their escape. Just as the Critters take off and destroy the farmhouse out of spite, Charlie throws a Molotov cocktail made from his whiskey bottle into the ship, causing a fire which detonates the cracker and kills the Critters. The bounty hunters leave in their ship after giving Brad a handheld device to contact them in case of future invasion, and also restore the house. Unbeknownst to them, Critter eggs can be seen in the barn inside a chicken's nest that seem to be ready to hatch.

Final Thoughts on Critters: Critters is a wonderful film, despite what Rapheal from the teenage mutant ninja turtles might think but fuck him he has scabies. It’s fun, energetic, and ahs a great premise of instead of it JUST being on our heroes to repel the invaders, their caught between two diffrent sets of aliens instead and instead of a chisled jawed heroes the good aliens are simply bounty hunters with no care about collateral and only doing a job. It’s a damn fine film and I still need to make time to watch the sequel. 

Donald’s River Thing:

This is a simple one. Donald plans to go fishing, finds out it’s his and Daisy’s anniversary, her half birthday and valentine’s day and has to take her along and make it like a thing while being a dick about wanting to still fish, but in a very funny way while the local fish fight back. This is easily the standout of the episode incredibly funny, increidbly wholesome, and an incredibly good time. Really great stuff. 

Invincible Episodes 1-3:

This seires is fucking fantastic and you should go watch it. GO WATCH IT. 

Final Thoughts overall: 

YOUR NOT WATCHING IT

Final Thoughts Overall: This is a decent episode not much to say except HIT IT BOYS

[jugaddict]

Baby, Please No Promises (Because We'd Keep Our Promises)

Fandom: Riverdale

Pairing: Kevin Keller/Joaquin (Joavin) 

Yes, I changed the lyrics of a Shawn Mendes song for this title. I’m Canadian, sue me.

Kevin Keller has three kinks: Secrets, extracurriculars and boys. All of them could be appreciated in a strictly platonic non sexual way.

Unless a boy who Kevin is fucking that he has to keep a secret is giving him a hickey like his college application depended on it.

Like what Kevin is discovering right now. Then words like “appreciation” and “platonic” and “non sexual” can be chucked out the window. In other words, all his own, Kevin is a slut for Joaquin.

But it has to come to an end.

“Babe,” Kevin says, he sounds out of breath because frankly he is, and he has to force himself to keep his eyes open and not let them go half lidded with pleasure. He slides his hands up from Joaquin’s waist to cup his face, brushing back loose strands of his soft black hair.

“Kev?” He replies, his voice sounded equally wrecked and it made Kevin shiver with desire.

“My dad’s shift is going to end soon, you need to go.”

Joaquin lowers his head back into Kevin’s neck and whines lowly.

Kevin has to bite his tongue to not blurt out “Same.” They were backed up against the wall of Kevin’s bedroom. Sparks flaring as they regained their libido for an impromptu round two, but still fully dressed. Kevin really wanted to change that but it was late, and his father is always on time.

“I don’t want to go,” Joaquin mumbles into his skin. And not for the first time Kevin wonders how the fuck is he a serpent.

“I mean you can stay,” he teases, caressing his hair, “and meet my dad and we can all have dinner and talk about politics and the role of non profit organizations like Amnesty International in third world countries.“

Joaquin looks up at him to glare. It’s dangerous, it really is, Kevin would be scared if he didn’t know him, but it’s adorable too. Kevin couldn’t help provoking him.

“Hey dad, sheriff of Riverdale,” he continues, chuckling at Joaquin’s growing horror, “meet my super hot super gay Southside Serpent boyfriend, can he sleep over?”

“Y-Your boyfriend?”

Oh shit.

“I mean-”

“Is that what you want?” He interrupts, “because you know that’s not a good idea right?”

“Yeah, no, of course,” Kevin says flatly, letting go of him, “slip of the mouth, sorry.” His gaze drops to the shadowed floor.

They both fall silent.

“So how many do you have?”

“What?” Replies Joaquin, lost.

“How many sidehoes, or boytoys or whatever,” Kevin says, trying to keep his tone light, failing miserably, “you know, besides me.” He slides down the wall he was pressed against and wraps his arms around his knees.

Joaquin frowns and sits down besides him. “None, you asshole.”

“How am I the asshole?”

“For assuming I’m some sleazy fuckboy who has sidehoes!” Joaquin responds, with disbelief.

“You’re a snake!” Kevin snaps, angrily, “They lie, and they cheat.”

“They’re also some of Riverdale’s poorest citizens, Kev. They come from broken families, and have really shitty lives. Most of us don’t have a choice.”

“What, like you?”

Joaquin’s eyes flash and Kevin realizes his mistake. He’s a white privileged upper class sheriff’s son, what right has he to go on and say that? Judging by the look on Joaquin’s face, what he said was probably true.

“Joaquin-”

“My mom was a known drug addict in Southside when she had me, she left me on the steps of a trailer at the park and it just happened to be a snake’s. I know they aren’t saints, or even good people for the most part, but they’re my family, Kevin.”

Kevin reaches out for him, and Joaquin falls into his warm embrace. Kevin could feel tears threaten to spill, he willed them back into his eye sockets. He can’t cry in front of his serpent lover because he has feelings for him, for god sake.

“I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t mean it like that. I was just angry.”

“Why?”

“Because I want you to be my super hot super gay Southside Serpent boyfriend, okay?” Kevin admits, heat flushing his cheeks.

“I want that too, dumbass. Of course I like you, why else would I risk my ass every other day to sneak into your house just to spend time with you?”

“But then why-”

“I wanted to make sure you knew what we were getting into.”

Oh.

Kevin breathes into Joaquin, addicted to his scent, his skin, his eyes, his hair, his everything.

“I know what I want,” he says.

Joaquin pulls out of the hug to kiss him. It’s gentle at first, but he deepens the kiss, encouraged by Kevin’s small throaty moan, and it gets dirtier by the second.

Kevin laughs as Joaquin works his way down his neck, yanking down his shirt to bite at the spot right above his collar bone. Joaquin looks up from his neck and raises an eyebrow.

“What?” He asks.

“We came full circle, and regardless of the fact I really do want to get down and dirty with my new secret boyfriend,” Kevin doesn’t miss the way Joaquin smirks, and he finds himself beaming as well, “my dad really will be here soon and you actually do have to go.”

Joaquin buries his head into Kevin’s neck and mumbles something inaudible. Kevin would like to think it was something cute and guaranteed-to-turn-a-snake-gang-member status-into-a-bunny-petting zoo-keeper sweet, but he honestly had no clue.

“Okay honey, up we go,” Kevin says grabbing his hand and hoisting them both up from the floor. He opens his window shades to make sure Joaquin’s car is still parked across the street and that his dad’s wasn’t. He leads them down the stairs and out to the lampshaded sidewalk outside. When they get to his car, Joaquin looks from left to right quickly before pulling Kevin into one last searing kiss.

“Text me when you get back safe,” Kevin says. His boyfriend rolls his eyes and Kevin smiles sheepishly. Joaquin opens the car door and buckles in his seat belt. “If it makes you sleep at night.”

“Uh, no, that’s against the point.” Kevin says slyly, his innocent expression morphing into something else, eyes going dark. He winks and closes the car door for him before slinking off into his house, leaving a dumbfounded serpent behind.

“Fuck,” Joaquin swears to himself silently, twisting his keys into the engine, but there’s a stupid smile on his face.

He’s falling for that Keller boy so bad.

[ecotone99]

[MF]The Further Adventures of Aydan & Weebs - 14. Trains PT 4

In her life, never had The Queen been more caught out, or felt more exposed than in that moment, “Aydan, please!”

Aydan considered his friend, “All right, well ma’am, what you’ve failed to understand is that you need to know the people on the other side of the table before you start to negotiate and threaten them; and by ‘knowing’ I don’t mean just their names and relatives and shit like that, I mean knowing the sort of person you’re going to be trying to take by the short and curlies.

I don’t know what to say to ya, lady, I mean, it seems like a pretty basic blunder on your part no expect that someone, sooner or later, wasn’t going to be the sort of asshole that would bash an old crone in the beezer.”

“You should see your fucking face right now.” Weebs smiled down at her.

“Look…” The Queen began to address Weebs.

“Shut up.” Weebs just said, rude, like that.

“Wut?” The Queen asked.

“Sh-Shut up.” Again, Weebs stepped on the woman’s words.

“All right man, c’mon, we have stuff to do here.” Aydan, despite himself.

Weebs took a step back, smiled at his friend. “Sorry, she was just being such a dick to me, Aydan.”

“Yeah, I saw that. Cant’ believe you didn’t do it sooner, I almost did a few times,” Aydan returned his focus to the queen. “Now, your highness, I’m going to offer you a deal, and it’s up to you how things play out from there.”

Weebs pulled back a fist, and inhaled audibly through an ‘o’ that his lips made.

“Now, one punch from Weebs there should suffice to send you into the next life, but you don’t want that, and neither do I. So, instead, the two of us are going to load you on the train and send you on your way. We’ll never speak a word of this to anyone, and you can either choose to believe me on that one or not. We don’t need to make things nasty, we’re all adults. You can even call that the favor you owe me for letting you go.”

The Queen, realizing the dire straits she was in, for as much as she acted the part of someone that could eat some solid abuse the plain truth was that she couldn’t. Once, she’d caught a hand in spoke of her wheel and it went almost a full rotation before her significantly damaged hand would prove a sufficient enough hindrance, woven into the spokes as it was, to jam the wheel entirely. It had taken four and a half years of recovery for her to get back to where she’d been before the injury. Absent-mindedly, she clenched her fist, the same one, and felt how brittle.

The Queen looked at the fist of Weebs', then at Aydan, “You are truly a wicked person aren’t you.” It wasn’t a question, and she’d smiled when she hadn’t asked it, but the queen let the two guys load her up on the train. They brought her up front into the main engine and secured her there, so she wouldn’t roll around. Satisfied, Aydan looked to the engineer “Mr Sulu, engage.”

“Sulu wasn’t the navigator, “ the engineer shot back as though he’d heard this sort of shit for the last time.

Weebs struck a straight blow across the jaw of the man from beside him, put him down and out. Without breaking pace he turned to the only other person in the train engine compartment, this dude who’d just been shoveling coal in the background there, and tried to keep the energy up, “My friend said ‘Engage, Cthuluhu’!”

That guy didn’t need to be told twice.

As the train began to roll, the pair of great pals dropped back to terra firma. “Let’s go get my buddy,” Aydan said. “Keep and eye on the Grafiti Kids though.” That was just good advice.

“Naw, we don’t have anything to fear here. Fat junkies are harmless.” Weebs had sussed this out prior to emerging from the linens; had, in fact, let this inform much of his behavior on the platform.

As Weebs spoke the words, Aydan saw that it was so. Everywhere, the Grafitti Kids, junkies all, laze about in dazes. Some were painting, sort of, autonomically as though victims of their more artisanal qualities. “They’re just lazing about,” Aydan was in disbelief "like cats in sunbeams."

“It’s cuz they’re well fed, and they have lots of drugs. They don’t need anything else.” Weebs was surveying the scene, “It’s all they’ve ever wanted or needed, legalized drugs. I bet there isn’t any crime at all in this world; I mean, except for drug dealing and vandalism.” Weebs could see that he’d sullied paradise, these planes were never meant for men like him.

Aydan looked up and down the train platform, “Wonder where they have ‘im stashed,” all he saw were Graffiti kids sitting about, some were looking their way, but none seemed inclined to do anything..like, at all.

“How big a lead did you say your buddy Kev had on you?” Weebs asked.

“I didn’t say, but My Buddy Kev had maybe a day on me.” Then, wondering why his friend Weebs would be thinking that, Aydan asked “Why?”

“Well, that could be him in there.” Weebs pointed to the far end of the platform.

Aydan turned in the direction indicated and saw there, what appeared to be, a mail bag. “That’s a mail bag, man.”

Weebs was already walking, taking up the canvas sack he set to untying the rope fastened there, he wasn’t too far along on the task when, forced from the inside, fingers! Fingers! thrust up and out, seeking purchase on Weebs’ throat, who leaned back to avoid them and was successful for the most part, though he had trouble hanging onto the bag when the arms and then arms of a man started to follow the path set by the maniac hands. On the verge of being overwhelmed, Weebs gave a half chuckle then set to shoving the whole mess back into the canvas bag and retied the rope with much effort spent. Bent over, panting, Weebs then straightened and, setting his hands on either side of his belly, gave one of those great big jolly laughs that only Santa’s in black and white cartoons made in the thirties can laugh.

“Holy shit, that scared me!” Weebs practically yelled, and laughed some more.

Aydan, shook his head, then addressed the canvas bag “Um, hey fuckhead, it’s a canvas fucking bag, so there was no way you thought that was the queen or one of her stupid fat junkies…” there was more but Aydan was interrupted.

A plaintive, but indignant “Hey!” had risen into the air about the quiet train platform.

Weebs, already on guard, his gun in his hand, was tracking everyone on the platform. His eyes zeroed in, targeting the men, the women, the children; though nothing further came and none gave any indication of having been the originator of the cry so Weebs put his pistol back to bed still hungry.

“Thank you, Weebs,” Aydan went back to addressing the canvas mail duffle “As I was saying, you can clearly hear that we aren’t your enemies so how about you not trying to kill us for rescuing you?” Aydan took a step back, content to let Weebs finish what he’d started.

“Thank you, Aydan.” This time, the maniac hands were more like helping hands and slowly helped Weebs untie the rope.

An instant later, ‘My Buddy Kev’ stood on the platform; he wore only a pair of tan hip shorts with dual navy blue lines down the side, a chiseled though not bulky physique, and the same look in his eyes that mother’s get when their children touch ‘you know goddam well what you touched’.

Weebs wasn’t that impressed. Guy looked kind of dumb, to him.

“Aydan, shit, good t’see ya man. I was about to rip my way out, my dad used to have me tear out of canvas bags like that.” My Buddy Kev pointed to the bag at his feet "when I was little," he added boisterously.

Weebs gave a squint, as though to say “Wut?” That didn't sound right.

Then suddenly, My Buddy Kev was chewing really fast and hard, like he was eating something.

“Are you eating something Kev?” Weebs asked, then took a step back at the explosive response from this new person.

My Buddy Kev took a big step towards Weebs, one arm cocked as though to throw this plastic bottle of a vile looking dark liquid at him. “You don’t know him well enough to call him that yet, Weebs, call him My Buddy Kev, not Kev. Sorry about that, I should’ve warned about that one,” Aydan offered, thrust into the role of peacemaker.

Weebs, catching himself quick, was already moving to avoid the thrown bottle, should it come to that; he and My Buddy Kev froze there, like fighters posing at a pre-fight weigh in.

Those crazy eyes, “Ooook, I think I might like this guy, Aydan.” My Buddy Kev smiled then, regressed from Weebs a bit and went back to chewing really hard and fast; then he gobbed into the bottle in his hand. “Fuck is this place, man?” to Weebs who didn’t know what to make of suddenly being something of an underfoot character to this new man’s adventure.

“The home of the Graffiti Kids” Aydan said and kinda laughed, because the whole place was just a train platform and you have to get really far out of a city and stay there for a very very long time before someone bragging about a train platform as their base is gonna impress you all that much.

“What tha fuck are Graffiti Kids?” My Buddy Kev asked, and spit with his lips forced into the opening of the bottle, never losing eye contact with Aydan, like a maniac.

“Where did the bottle come from?” Weebs asked. It hadn’t made sense, it had just appeared and could have altered the course of the clash the two of them had almost had.

“Keistered it.” My Buddy Kev answered, eyes still on Aydan, as though he was the sort of person that just did stuff like that, had two conversations at once but only ever looked at one person while talking.

Weebs visibly winced, “And what is it you’re chewing there, bud?”

Another gob into the bottle, and some more intense chewing “Chew,” said My Buddy Kev.

“Yes, what is that you’re chewing?” Weebs asked again, this was all new to him.

“It’s called Chew, guy.”

“Wut?” Weebs didn’t like being called ‘Guy’ like that, it felt a lot like being called ‘Stupid’ for some reason Weebs didn’t quite understand, and that really annoyed him. “Like sunflower seeds.”

My Buddy Kev’s eyes, his lips back in that bottle of his, went, slowly, to Weebs, stopped there for a bit, then, slowly, went back to Aydan. The lips smiled then and My Buddy Kev said “If that works for you.” Then, to Aydan, his eye-brows went up.

This, as perfectly described, was all done in plain sight of Weebs whose eyebrows had risen very high on his forehead in disbelief.

Aydan? Loving it. “The Graffiti Kids, they’re the one’s that nabbed ya', they worked for some old queen that was gonna do ya in if’n the two of us goons here hadn’t stopped in to save the day.”

It was difficult to pinpoint, but there came a moment there, during Aydan’s explanation, when a light bulb, of some sort, had gone of inside the mind, or perhaps heart, no one knows, of My Buddy Kev. And just like that, there was the bluster of a breeze that kicked up and swirled across the train platform.

As quickly as the man had exploded out of the canvas sack the first time, My Buddy Kev had completely vanished from sight. The plastic bottle was still there though, standing where the man had been; it was in zero danger of being disturbed.

“He’s gone!” Weebs said, and as he spoke the words he realized that he found a true joy in the truth of them.

“Yeah, he’ll be back in a minute.”

“You know where he went?” Weebs asked his compadre.

Apologetically, “I do,” he gave a sort of shrug “My Buddy Kev is sort of stupid into army.”

Nodding in a way that he hope looked ‘knowingly’, Weebs nodded “I see.”

A scream shattered the quiet tableau, but was silenced. “Yeah,” Aydan continued “I think he thinks he was an army or something in a previous life, or, his dad was a tank or something. He told me about it once, but, I don’t know man, he’s just one of those dudes you go with while you can and hope to God you can keep on the good side of.”

“So, was he actually in the army?” Weebs asked.

“The KISS one.” Aydan slid in, he said the words because they were true.

Eyes squinted, Weebs was on the very verge of asking, but another cry hit the air, then a second; an explosion of voices pleas and things being knocked about, then more sudden quiet

“What is happening right now?” Weebs asked, things were going weird for him.

“Well, my guess? My Buddy Kev is hunting the Graffiti Kids into extinction.” Aydan gave his newly rediscovered old friend a look that said ‘what’re you gonna do’.

An eternity of overdubbed tinny sounding silence later, for that’s what silence sounds like when you can’t not listen to it because every so often you hear someone getting killed and then this rapist like silence forces you back into quiet again, My Buddy Kev reappeared out on the train platform next to his Aydan and Weebs; every part of him was red with vital fluids of more people than even he knew. Eyes and teeth floating in a crimson sea.

“We gotta go, the place is radioactive,” the guy was panting and, no shit of a lie, covered in blood in a way that one, one would think, one could only ever achieve by dunking oneself in in an oil drum filled with blood. My Buddy Kev was still dripping, a trail of bloody footprints a horrifying chronicle of the last twelve or so seconds, and glistened whilst he retrieved his bottle, then went back to chewing really hard and really fast. Nostrils flared, intense, the man reiterated "Raid-ee-oo-fuckin-active." He should his head slowly too, like someone had really crossed a line here.

That was all Weebs needed, he pulled the collar of his shirt up over his mouth and nose to dampen the radioactivity, held it there with his dominant left hand. His eyes, on the other hand, went wide looking at the complete horror show of My Buddy Kev that now stood before him.

submitted by /u/EconomyResident [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2N8viWr

[popculturebuffet]

DWD Reviews: Negaduck or The Good, The Bad and Both are Darkwing (Commissioned by WeirdKev27)

The march to “Just Us Justice Ducks” continues as I bring on the bad guys! And it’s a twofer as we focus on Megavolt and Negaduck! And because the  show apparently wasn’t confusing enough in terms of continuity, this is a second Negaduck who was created before the one we all know, but whose episode aired after, but whose only episode was aired after several of the other ones and...

Point is Megavolt’s latest gizmo creates two darkwings, one a sacchrine goody two shoes and the other an ax crazy, trollish, nightmare of a being who wants to destroy everything. So basically insert your own Ned Flanders and Donald Trump jokes here. Review continues after the break

-------------------------------

Whelp after taking most of the week off i’m back.. in part because of another Kev Comission, and it’s not exclusive to him, anyone reading this can commission any animated episode I have access to for five bucks, 15 for a movie, he’s just the only one taking advantage of it.  But yeah plug aside i’ve been a bit distracted by the election, a new fridge and bunches of other stuff going on to really focus on my reviews, though I do have two planned for the future and regular coverage will rock on. So this was a nice little jolt back to reality and back to business as usual. And it keeps me on something resembling a schedule for getting to “Just Us Justice Ducks”. Given how many months it’s taken me to get as far as I have covering Tom Lucitor episodes that’s probably a good thing. So with all that settled let’s talk about Negaduck. Negaduck is an interesting one to talk about. It’s one of many episodes, such as the episode directly after it “Fungus Among Us” which I covered right before this one which very obviously takes place earlier in the series continuity but aired way late into the syndicated part of season 1. In this case instead of debuting a major character, it debuts the PROTOTYPE for a major character, in this case Negaduck. It’s fairly obvious to me from this episode what happened: This episode was made as a one off, a fun episode where Drake gets split into two people, a good one and a bad one, and Gosalyn has to take charge to stop him. But the Tronsplit Negaduck was such a delight to write and watch, and i’ll get into the why as we go, that they wanted to make him a regular character, but deciding his origins were a headache to deal with as they’d have to create ANOTHER origin story just to get a copy of Negaduck out of Darkwing’s head, they just decided to say screw it and gave the new version the simplier origin of being an evil mirror universe version of darkwing. Simple, opens up story possibilities, and prevents a headache. To Tad Stones credit though had their been a season 3, he had plans for Darkwing and the Second Negaduck to team up against the first one, so there’s that. So that’s how I assume we ended up with two different Negaducks..  and yes i’m aware the Funkos call him Negatron.. but it’s not a great name, nor the one he actually uses so i’m sticking with Negaduck. Point is we ended up with two and with this one being hte blueprint for the one debuting in Justice Ducks, I thought it’d be fun to use as Negaduck’s episode. 

And since i haven’t covered Megavolt, this one���s for him as well since he’s sitll a large part of the episode, and uttelry charming throughout. So with the setup out of the way, check out what I think of the episode itself under the cut. 

We open with Megavolt doing what he usually does: Rob a bank, this time using his new gizmo the tronspliter which spits something into positive and negative Trons... i’d make some joke about one Tron movie being better than the other but I only MILDLY prefer Legacy, as while both have Jeff Bridges being awesome, Legacy has great visuals, an utterly awesome soundtrack, decent performances and Gem, who i’ll embarrassingly admit to having a crush on because my dignity hasn’t gone into the basement enough over my life. But it’s not quite enough to call the other film outright bad, just not for me. Point is despite the obvious opening I got no tron jokes and I just wasted two minutes of your life so let’s move on. 

But instead of loot Negaduck finds a smoking bag! It’s Darkwing Duck.. in what I consider to be the funniest bit of the episode, and that’s not a knock on the episode as a whole as it’s a really damn funny episode. This bit just killed me. Darkwing coughs through his intro from the bag.. I THOUGHT it might be from dye but it turns out.. HE STILL DID THE WHOLE SMOKE BOMB ENTRANCE THING INSIDE THE BAG... despite no one being able to see it and it only making it harder. Just.. it’s such a simple idea but i’ts so brilliant. It’s why I love this show.. the jokes can be silly, but much like classic Disney or Looney Tunes shorts, especially the latter oddly, it’s rooted in the characters, and that makes it that much richer. It’s why i’m a sitcom guy, as long as the sitcom’s good and you know.. doesn’t plug for a transparent wannabe dictator. I like comedy that’s really rich in the characters and who they are. It’s why I like the Ducktales reboot as it has that in droves. It’s why I like either writing the cast in comedy scenarios or plugging them into other sitcoms for my chat: they just FIT there really naturally. I”m also praising the humor because I’m trying to find a balance between accurately representing how funny an episode is and not just going “a really clever gag” over and over and over. Needless to say, this episode is really damn funny and if I didn’t spotlight a joke, it’s only because i’m trying not to repeat itself. This show has aged well for a reason after all. 

We get another great gag I can’t glance over as Megavolt tries to escape and forgets their on the 97th floor. A fight breaks out, including Ball Bearings, but Darkwing easily trounces Megavolt.. until their guns crash, and it triggers the tronsplitter by accident. The result is our episode’s premise as noted in the intro:Double Darkwings! Both are also finely established with their first lines, with Negaduck, darkwing’s negative emotions, wanting to quit crime fighting for something more profitable, and Posiduck, take a wild guess, wanting to quit it for something safer.  The two halves make their way home just as Gosalyn and Launchpad are horsing around playing baseball with a bowling ball, with the predictable result of smashing “Dad’s favorite statue of himself”... again i’m barely into the episode but it just keeps coming up with bits like that. It reminds me of Simpsons, which given my referencing the series near constantly to an OSW Review level, it’s not a huge surprise, but it has the same rapid fire character based jokes as the Simpsons in it’s prime, which funny enough was around this time. It just keeps coming while keeping a compelling story. It’s good stuff is what i’m saying. Not all comedies can manage that  let alone way back when. 

Naturally both Darkwings have.. diffrent reactions. Posiduck just walks it off, kids will be kids, hippie parents stuff which only makes Gosalyn more paranoid he’s going to do something since DW usually isn’t THIS nice, or gracious about destroying his carefully branded stuff. Negaduck.. wants to outright murder her. Then both show up together...

Gosalyn naturally freaks out and given the sheer number of people that have impersonated her dad, and this is pre the second Negaduck, understandably assumes one’s an imposter. But HILARITY insues when the Muddlefoots show up. And this is the first one i’ve watched since I started rewatching to really involve them: They DO show up in Dry Hard, which i’ll get to, but i’ts mostly for Herb to do what he was born for and piss off Drake. Though while Herb was meant to be the Ned Flanders being his neighbor and everything, the passage of time and my recent binge of Schitt’s Creek has me comparing him more to Roland Schitt from that show: A slob of a man with a nicer, more attractive wife who thinks he’s the lead character’s best friend and insuates himself into his life and buisness with varying levels of obnoxiousness, either being a total jackass without realizing it or trying to help but still.. not exactly helping.  Naturally with that kind of parallel Herb is forcing himself in to watch the Pellican’s Island reunion.. but is it the one where they can’t adjust to life outside the island or the one with it turned into a resort after they returned and the Harlem Globetrotters? Point is normally Drake would be, understandably, pissy, but Posidrake, despite Gosalyn’s understandable attempts to clear the muddlefoots out, is more than accommodating. Negaduck.. upon hearing they were coming went to get his shotgun.. and upon seeing them yells at herb for eating his food again, which granted Posiduck gave it to them but given his track record with drake and the way he just barged into Drake’s house to borrow his TV without asking, I can’t blame him for assuming and when Tank, Honker’s brother and little asshole, tries hitting him over it, Negaduck threatens him. Are.. are we sure he’s the bad one? I mean he’s not wrong. Wanting to actually murder them and not just think about it is, but wanting them out of his house isn’t. Gosalyn however shoos him away and gives the Muddlefoots their tv.. they can get a new one but Drake can’t beat murder charges. She does keep Honker, her best friend and local nerd to help since she’s an 11 year old and a launchpad trying to keep Negaduck from killing Posiduck. They sucessfully tie up Negaduck and Posiduck, being a pushover, ties himself up. 

Honker, after examining both’s feather’s under the microscope, concludes what we already knew: Neither of them is fake, their simply positive and negative.. in the DWD universe, Poistrons are good particles and someone’s good half and the Negatrons are someone’s bad half. It’s even taught in school as Gos knows it. After some banter, Gos remembers Posiduck mentioing the tronsplitter and they figure they can be reunited. Naturally, Negaduck does not want that, and due to Goslayn getting a case of the stupids and not being able to tell them apart, despite Negaduck having some big angry eyebrows that make it obvious, frees him and he cons them into a closet and baricades it, sets his other self up for a dynamite filled death trap and runs off to raise some hell. Thankfully Posidrake ends up coliding with the barricade Negaduck put up, and while singed, is still alive because .. split in two or not i’ts still darkwing and Gosalyn drags him along with her and Launchpad to find Megavolt. 

I”m, ironically split a bit on the split darkwings. On one hand, the two don’t really evenly represent drake as neither really act like him, with the most Negduck does is clearly acting out Drake’s darkest impulses he usually mutters under his breath. On the other.. i’m willing to ignore that because it’s just too funny, with Negaduck being hilariously violent, again his recation to the muddle foots is “i’m getting my shotgun”. Not only am I awed a tv show could actually use that as a gag at one time and miss those times, it’s just so hilariously over hte top. That and I love that canocially, drake just had a shotgun lying around, which while making sense given he dosen’t have batman’s gun aversion and likely only uses gas because he’s not a murderer and this is a kids show, is still just a neat fact. The fact it’s not Darkwing branded is a genuine suprise, but it’s just as likely Negaduck couldn’t find that one. 

Negaduck hits up a theater to .. be obnoxious in a REALLY great scene, which I used for my screencap. While Negaduck’s final form is iconic, and we’ll get to it, I went with this simply because that shit eating grim is classic.. we also get Negaduck running into the screen to chase bunnies with a shot gun. Really this is the scene that i’m sure convinced them to find some way to bring this character back. Jim’s delivery, the petty dickey of Negaduck’s villiany here as he literally just drives into a movie theater and ruins everyone’s day for the hell of it, as well as assaults some rabbits with a shot gun.. i’ts just magic and it’s no wonder they’d retool the character to bring him back, nor that they’d put that refined version first. Jim Cummings is good at a LOT of things voice acting wise, there’s a reason he is a legend, but he’s especially good at playing a dickish, comedic villain who revels in being evil. While I didn’t really think about Negaduck at the time, he’d end up taking a LOT of the characters energy with him when he played Lord Boxman on OK K.O.! years down the line and if you haven’t checked it out and like Jim, do. It’s an amazing show. Point is cummings is amazing at this and I can see why they brought the character back. While Posiduck is fun, he’d probably wear his welcome out with more than one episode, while Negaduck had endless potetial and they used it. 

But once he’s done Cape Fearing, Negsy runs into Posi.. and uses him as a scapegoat for the angry mom after him, giving Negsy time to find Megavolt first while Posiduck gets positively pummeled despite Gosalyn and Launchpad’s best efforts.  Negsy finds Megavolt at the Dead End, a bad guy bar on the edge of town where Megavolt is drowning his sorrows.. by plugging a car battery directly into his socket. It’s just a fun visual gag and fit’s his personality and powers. Naturally Negaduck calls him out, and then wipes the floor with him but Megavolt is more than happy to help him once he finds out Negaduck was created by the tronsplitter, jubiantley yelling son and hugging him.. a great gag. Honestly I now see why Megavolt was one of the most popular and used villians in the Rogue’s gallery: he has a great gimmick, great powers, defined limits so unlike poor Liquidator he’s easier to work with, and  Dan Castellaneta really brings his a game here with a unique voice i’ve never heard used on the simpsons.. sorta like crusty but mixed with Bobcat Goldwait. It’s really good.  So while Father and Son bond and head to Megavolt’s place, Team Darkwing heads into the bar, where Gosalyn runs interference for both Darkwing and Launchpad whose just kinda.. there this episode. He really didn’t need to be here and feels like he only is because someone needs to drive the Ratcatcher.  Don’t get me wrong I love the guy, I just don’t get why he’s in this one especially since this is the first one since the pilot i’ve watched to really focus on Gosalyn. While she IS in Tiff of the Titans, it’s mostly in a supporting role. Here she really gets to strut her stuff and show why she’s awesome, intimidating men 4 times her age and size and getting the info they need.  At Megavolt’s, Negaduck continues his plan to just smash the thing but Megavolt doesn’t want one of his kids killing the other and yanks it .. and accidently shoots Negaduck with it while it’s on the merge setting. The result instead galvinaizes him giving him godlike destructive power. How the does this work in any way shape or form?

Negaduck, now above crime, goes to destroy the world with his dad disowning him while Team Darkwing Shows up. Megavolt agrees to help, and his reasons are both funny and work: If Negaduck destroys the city, where will he rob? Also of note is Negaducks new look, looking like a photo negative. There’s a reason besides Laziness it was brought back for the Funko Pops as a recolor, and that reason is DAMN it looks awesome. I get the switch to the easier to use Yellow and Black, but damn if this isn’t cool. 

Gosalyn cleverly gets the two grouped together by saying Negaduck’s abotu to step on a bug, but Negaduck swats Posiduck aside.. however since Posiduck is also made of ions or whatever nonsense this episode is running on that i’m just going with at this point because it’s entertaining and this review’s almost done. Point is we get a glorious sequence as Posiduck basically becomes a disney princess, summoning animals, moralizing that sort of thing. But unlike Gizmoduck this parody over overly sachrine heroes works, partly because it’s clearly amped up to 80 degrees. The two breifly fight before Posiduck holds his counterpart long enough to recombine them. Megavolt, naturally tries to betray everyone and has a zoom lense ready but Gosalyn beats him. Darkwing is restored, helpfully confirmed by his egotisim and Gosalyn hugs her dad despite him docking her allowance.. though i’m sure he reversed that once all was settled. Here’s hoping. Point is we have a happy ending. 

Final Thoughts:  This.. was easily my favorite of the ones i’ve rewatched so far which, along with the ones reviewed already, includes Beauty and the Beat and Dry Hard, which I’ll get to eventually. It’s got a clever concept that while used before in cartoons certainly is mostly used for parody here, gave us the blueprint for a great villain, and in general is just fun. Also as I didn’t realize earlier in this review this episode apparently AIRED earlier, but was put later in syndication because I don’t know. But this one’s a classic and an easy recommend to go to right after your done with the pilot. It’s fun, fast paced, and just packed with great jokes with only so many I could mention here. If you want this show at it’s finest, this is it. It was also a great introduction to Megavolt whose a great villain and I can’t wait to see him in action again. Overall a truly excellent episode and it was a joy to watch.  Until next time, Courage.