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sugusearrings · 1 year ago

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( ' glass children. ' )

violet wrists and then her ankles, silent pain. then he slowly saw their nightmares were his dreams. monster, how should I feel? creatures lie here, looking through the windows i will hear their voices. i'm a glass child, i am hannah's regrets.

— summary: with the star plasma vessel dead, satoru and suguru need you (fem!reader) to lead them to their next path. — genre: angst. heartbreak. — playing: monster by meg & dia — note(s): i'm a sucker for what ifs. i love what ifs. good and bad. i thought about this what if a lot. i wanted to write about this since halloween and didn't have time to post it. i just know suguru and satoru are better than me cause everyone would have gotten this smoke. that's all imma say. anyways, mentions of blood & death. probably some spelling errors here and there. — word count: 866

Those beautiful cerulean blue hues still sparkled as the light down on them.

But the spark of life was gone. They were dull. Lifeless. Emotionless. You never saw them like this before.

You could feel the anxiety swallowing you whole. If someone looked closely, they can see your legs trembling slightly. The two boys in front of you were having a brief conversation but you couldn’t hear it. You couldn’t hear anything over the loud sounds of your heart rate picking up at a rapid pace. You couldn’t even hear the round of applause the strangers that crowded around the white hair teenager who held the lifeless body like he did the first time meeting her.

They were clapping for Satoru. Fucking clapping.

You just stared at the crowd in disbelief. What kind of people would approve of this? What kind of people are happy over this? The death of a young girl.

A young girl you considered your friend.

Monsters...monsters... “Suguru...should we kill these guys? The way I am right now I doubt I’d feel anything.” His voice was hoarse. But what made your heart ache was hearing no emotion in his tone. It matched his stare. Dull. Lifeless. Emotionless. Your eyes went over to Suguru. His back was faced to Satoru but you saw his almond shaped eyes were as wide as they can be but soon he pulled himself back together. He always does. He has too. “No. There’s no point. It’ll be dissolved soon enough.” His voice mimic the tone Satoru set. He began to walk towards the door to get out of there. He was sick of the clapping and the smell of the dried blood that lingeried. He was sick of this. He was sick of this life. He was sick of death. He was sick of curses. “No point, huh? Does there really need to be any point to it?” Satoru asked or stated. You couldn’t really tell. You went to follow behind Suguru like a lost puppy but Satoru called out your name.

“Name...”

"Y-yes...Satoru?" your gentle voice trembled.

"What do you think we should do?" Satoru asked you. His eyes didn’t look at you. They just looked straight ahead into nothing. Suguru's eyes went over to you almost forgetting you were even there. Your eyes was puffy and red from crying. You were the emotional one out of the three. That's why Satoru would tease you about being weak. You were a crybaby. But Suguru didn't see an issue with it, he likes you like this. So did Satoru but he wouldn't openly admit it. You reminded him about those certain emotions he swore he couldn’t feel anymore. "Name...what should we do?" Suguru also asked willing to do anything you said. The self proclaimed brains of this trio couldn’t think straight or logically. So it was up to you.

The boys looked over at you for an answer. An answer you didn't have. This wasn't fair. These higher ups using you children. Not caring if you killed one another or died in front of each other. You loved your best friends. Especially Satoru and Suguru, willing to do anything to protect them. Even Riko. They were the only family you have. But would the higher ups mourn you? Would the higher ups sink into a dark hole of depression? Would the higher ups get revenge on you? Or would they replace you like a piece of livestock. They would probably replace you in a matter of days.

They probably would assign Satoru and Suguru a mission while your ashes are still warm.

Satoru and Suguru.

The thought of leaving them behind made you feel sick at the pit of your stomach. How would Satoru handle it? You knew Suguru would break in a matter of days. He bottles so much inside of him it would just burst out. Would they keep it together if you were to die? Or would they lose it themselves.

You know you would lose it if either of them or both of them were to die. Leaving you all alone. To defend yourself. To love yourself. You couldn’t imagine a world without them. The three of you were glued to each other, couldn’t really function without the other.

You could feel the anger replacing the fear and anxiety. On the inside your morals and humanity was being teared apart, stripped away from you the more you stared at Riko's lifeless body in Satoru's arms covered by a thin white cloth. "Name..." Suguru called out to you once more. There wasn’t much time to make a decision. "Kill them," you finally answered losing all emotions you had that day, "kill them all." That's all Satoru needed to hear. His lips formed a wicked grin as Suguru silently summoned the rainbow dragon. You stood watched the blood being splattered on the walls and floors. The screams made you smile like that day on the beach with your best friends.

That’s where your mind was. The day on the beach with Riko and Satoru laughing at the sea cucumber while you, Suguru, and Misato were on the beach towels just watching them with smile of your faces.

#i had to re-write the beginning because tumblr didn't save it in my drafts yay ✨#they were fucking kids bro 😢#and if geto didn't stop gojo he would've been the villian #geto did that stopping gojo from turning evil #like thats why gojo was so mad not because geto became bad because he left him behind #i can go all day about this #dont get me started #satosugu drabble #satosugu x you #satosugu x reader #satosugu angst #( sugusearrings writing * )#jjk fanfic #jjk drabble #jjk x reader #jjk x fem!reader #jjk x you #jjk angst #jujutsu kaisen x reader

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1toreyouapart · 2 months ago

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What It Cost

****THIS IS A FICTIONAL STORY BASED ON REAL PEOPLE. 18+ ONLY. I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THE PEOPLE OR MUSIC MENTIONED IN THIS STORY OUTSIDE OF LILITH AND SADIE AND MAYBE A COUPLE OTHERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE NOT UP FOR FANFIC INVOLVING REAL PEOPLE***

Terrible summary: Five years since she last spoke to him. Since she last saw him. Now his face and his voice is everywhere. She can't escape him.

Five years ago Noah destroyed her and the life they had built. Now he’s back and seeking to make amends. As much as she wants to say that it's too little too late, is it?

CW/TW: Angst, mention of addiction, cheating. Mention of character death. Language. Smut (later on). PinV, unprotected PinV (wrap it before you tap it, friends), oral (f&m receiving). All smutty warnings happen later on, so I’ll update TW/CW warning labels as those parts are written and posted. If I forget anything, please let me know so I can fix it! Thank you!

A/N: Currently unedited. Sorry. 😬 Read at your own risk, I guess. 😅 Also no word count because I’m lame.

Part 1

Part 2-Noah

"Lilly's on her way." Nicholas dropped down in the chair next to him.

Noah's heart sank into his stomach. Five years of successfully staying out of her way was about to go to shit. At first he'd done it to make it easier on her. Or so he told himself. But after five years, he had to admit it was because he was nothing but a coward, too scared to face the worst mistake he'd ever made. Hurting her. He could still see the look on her face when he'd come home that morning.

The way those brilliant blue eyes of hers, bloodshot from lack of sleep and undoubtedly hours of crying, tracked his movements as he quietly went up the stairs to take a shower. The pain etched on her face. He'd never seen her so fragile. He'd left the shower and gone downstairs, ready for her anger. Ready for the fight that he was sure was going to happen after what he'd done. Instead he'd gone down just in time to watch her pull out of the driveway. No yelling. No screaming. No crying. She just left. And he did nothing to try to stop her. He knew what he had done. The final nail in the coffin.

"I should leave. I'm not needed here."

"Stop being a fucking coward. I love you, man. But you can't run from what you did forever. Been sober for three years now and you're still too chicken shit to face her."

Ouch. He was right, but ouch. Noah had made amends with everyone he had hurt during those years he had tried to drink himself to death. But the thought of facing her fucking terrified him. Before that last year he had been sure he was going to marry her someday. Shit, even during that last year of their relationship he had been sure of it. Up until he just kept fucking it up more and more, too chicken shit to face his own demons like a grownup.

"Does she know I'm here?"

"Yes. We all promised to keep you away from her unless she wants to speak to you."

Noah grimaced. Sure, he had known deep down that they all kept in contact with her. She was like everyone's little sister. He didn't expect them to just drop out of her life, or her theirs. She'd known all but Nicholas longer than he'd known them, anyway. That didn't stop him from feeling a little hurt by them keeping it from him for so long, though. They could have been honest with him. He knew he had fucked up. He had known the second he let another woman hang all over him that night. Knew as soon as he followed her out the door instead of going straight home to the woman that had moved all the way across the country with him. Bought a house with him.

The door opened and his breath caught in his throat, his heart beginning to hammer in his chest. Palms sweaty he looked up, leg starting to bounce anxiously. There she stood, Jolly wrapping her up in a tight hug. Time seemed to stand still as she turned towards him, her impossibly blue eyes locking on his. No anger. No hatred. Not even a hint of an emotion in them. Just blank. Fuck.

***

Noah shifted uncomfortably, trying his best not to stare at her. Everyone was gathered in the backyard, a fire in the pit, sharing stories of Danny. All evening he had avoided being near her, though everything in him begged to touch her. It was enough to slowly drive him insane. All he wanted was to sit next to her. Hold her hand. Shit, just hold her. To hear her say his name again. But he couldn't do that anymore. He had given up that right.

Lilith's laugh filtered through everything else, and he was sure he was going to pass out right there where he sat, directly across the fire from her. Instead he took a sip of his water, if for nothing else other than a distraction.

"Noah, you have to finish telling them. I can't." Lilith interrupted his thoughts, her laughter echoing in his head. She spoke to him? Said his name? Oh, fuck.

"Jolly asked how she got the Thumbelina nickname," Nicholas whispered, knowing he had been too caught up in his head to know.

Noah smirked, remembering Danny telling him about this story on the phone that day.

"Danny stopped by when we were on tour to check in on her, like I had asked. Apparently she was too caught up in planting those flowers right back there," he gestured towards the flower bush she had planted all those years ago. "And when he said hi she threw one of the bushes at him, thinking he was an intruder." Noah couldn't help but join her in her laughter at the memory. "Danny dubbed her Thumbelina from that moment on."

Noah met her eyes from across the fire as they laughed together, and suddenly everything felt somewhat okay. There was joy back in her eyes, etched across her face. Her smile took over her face, breathing life back into her. He may not be the cause of it, but it was a sight he thought he'd never see again.

"Wait. I thought Noah gave you that nickname. Who started calling you Bambi?" Jolly interjected.

Noah choked on his water, sputtering at the nickname he had always called her. That was one of his favorite memories, though rather private. And not a story he was keen on telling without her permission. The way she had insisted that she didn't need him to help her up after the first time they'd had sex. How she had stumbled and flipped him off the second he said "You sure about that, Bambi?"

Lilith laughed. A full on genuine laugh that came from her toes. God, he had missed that sound. He had missed the way she never held back her true laugh. The way she laughed with every fiber of her being.

Jolly looked between the two of them, her unable to control her laughter, him hiding his face the best he could. Noah watched as realization set into his friends features, and quickly avoided eye contact with him.

"Awe, man! What the fuck?"

Noah couldn't hold back his own laughter anymore, joining Lilith. Jesus Christ, he had missed this. Missed her.

Tags: @haylaansmi @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard

#bad omens #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian smut #angst #noah sebastian angst #unedited #reader beware

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blingblong55 · 1 year ago

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False god- Vladimir Makarov

A/N: he's so weirded out by emotions he apologises this way?! my dudes I need a man like that, like yes apologise to me with money

Based on a request:

HERE ME OUT. The lack of attention my babygirl Makarov gets has me crying. But hear me out on my request. Let's say during one of Makarovs mission he came across a certain individual, and it caught Makarovs attention, Makarov told his me to gather information about the individual, after he got the information turns out that reader(the certain individual I'm talking about) has there own task force and is the commander of it. Turns out that reader is oddly similar to Makarov. To similar. And this caught his attention. To test reader he decided to purposely raid her base and make a trap seeing if they could see through it which they did. And it obviously angered them causing them to become enemies, until Makarov decided to try and be Allies with them considering he needs there help on a certain mission and there the right person for it (idk what trope this would be.. probably an enemies to frienenies+ with benifits let's say Makarov had a slight crush on them 🙏🙏match made in hell basically..)

---- F!Reader, romance? fluff? soft!makarov?, established!relationship ----

Secret kisses behind closed doors. His hand was on yours when the room was dark. You and him never meant to be together, at least not in front of others. He failed at two things, meeting you liking you and falling in love with you. Does he regret it, no, definitely not. It's been a while since you have wanted to let everyone know that he is the reason you smile like a fool and tonight, as you met up with him again, the conversation came up.

By the end of it, your eyes filled with tears. "But you have to listen-" "No." You hated how he had to have the last word in that but you'd let him, even if it meant to not voice your emotions for him. Soon later, he told you about some mission he did, his actions were wrong, and you knew that, so you called him out. A man like him will always deny such words and will not want to be confronted with the truth. That is when you two would clash. You were mad, of course, and he was too. So, you end up walking away. "Where are you going?" he follows behind. "I'm not going to entertain your shit-thinking tonight." You say without turning to him. Vladimir stops in his tracks and scoffs. "You're being a baby, R/N." Oh, that was it, no more contact, make him learn his lesson once and for all.

If he really wanted to be better for you like he said months ago, then this is prime time to prove that statement. But he won't do it, not so easily. Hours after the conversation, he went home, waiting for your call but it never came in. He grew worried. You always called him to let him know you were home and safe. Three days go by and he is already anxious and scared. His men watch over you, giving him updates which keep him steady. Day 9 comes by and he can't help but try and reach out...except he stops before dialing your number. No, he isn't weak, he can't be the first to say sorry, that is not who he is.

For fucks sake, he runs a group of strong soldiers, he is meant to be heartless...right? And if he is heartless then why does his heart ache anytime he thinks of you? Why does he get the urge to cry if you don't ever speak to him? God those lips of yours, that voice and the stare. He becomes a madman for you. You are a drug, one he needs to consume. So, for days he plans it all. He will talk to you, a speech he rehearsed which is nothing but the truth. The mirror knows that too. "Sorry...no...there has to be a better way through this," Makarov changed. He was confident in everything but without you there, what is he now?

A mess, this is what has become of him. Damn it, why do you feel so close and still be so far? Idiot, fucking idiot. His office, filled with plans now empty from a clean spree he made while trying to not think of you. He knows you are around, knows you are at base playing a card game with your friends.

Time passes and it is day 12. He hasn't been the same, why the fuck do you affect him like this.

"No, no..." you laugh and he nudges you. Gosh, look at this view. Your legs over his snuggled on the couch as a cheap romance comes on screen. Cliche, all of it but it even makes him excited to experience it. He looks over at you, this is perfect. Your angelic face is complimented by the shades of the screen. He cups your face, "Kiss me, please," Vladimir needs this more than you.

Fuck it. He knocks on your door. It's been 504 hours since he last held you in his arms. Kissed you, smiled because of you, laughed with you, made love to you. 504 hours of pure torture. Everyone at your base was asleep. His heart races as he awaits to see you. Your door opens and you stand there, confused. "Makarov?" Oh yes, say it again, say my name, he thinks.

In his hand, a bouquet of your favourite flowers mixed with money. "I'm an idiot, I know. And...I'm sorry for not apologising sooner, for not acknowledging you calling me out on something I know now was wrong, I'm sorry...I'm sorry for needing you, I'm sorry for crying...but I'm not sorry for loving you," his eyes filled with tears. Fuck does he love you.

You may ask, what made him so emotional? That picture he took of you and him on Christmas. That day, he knew he loved you, he knew that in his miserable life, you were the only and last good thing he could have. That morning, he received the best gift. The first genuine 'I love you' he ever got in his life. You knew then that he was the one. It's why you now have him in your room, kissing him and cuddling him because, for 504 hours, you too missed him.

"I love you, I love you.." Makarov repeated after every kiss he gave your body. You smile and repeat over and over, "I love you too."

And so it goes that the cruel Vladimir Makarov, held the hand of his beloved as they walked down the aisle. Mr. and Mrs. Makarov, what a risky love this will be.

Tags: @rowrowrowyourboat13 @thefragmented @selarus @kielsegur @shotmrmiller @liyanahelena @personwhosucksassatmath @iamashadows-blog @strangepuppynightmare @thesnailus @arialikestea @baldwinhearts @wack2000 @johfaam0 @goldenmclaren @moonsua1 @rvirienner @frazie99 @viomast @saoirse06 @vampsquerade @alxexhearts

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roosterforme · 2 years ago

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Old Habits Die Hard Part 11 | Bradley Bradshaw x Reader

Summary: You decide to give Bradley the opportunity to talk about what happened. You end up learning more than you bargained for.

Warnings: Angst and swears, maybe fluff

Length: 3300 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader (fuckboy college student Bradley)

Check out my masterlist

What was wrong with you? You had agreed to let Bradley stop by later in the evening so you and he could talk. You didn't really want to talk to him, because you knew you would end up a crying mess. But there was no way he was going to worm his way back to you. Not after what he did last weekend.

And yet, you found yourself touching up your makeup before he got there. And you decided to stay in your skirt and sweater instead of changing into leggings like you usually would after class.

"You're ridiculous," you told yourself in the bathroom mirror. You looked so sad, and you just knew you were going to have to kick Bradley out later if you started crying.

Janessa was already out for the night, so at least you would have some privacy. But maybe that was worse, since you didn't even know for sure what Bradley wanted to talk about. He had told you he wanted to be your boyfriend. You weren't lying to him when you told him you would have said yes.

Sighing, you exited the bathroom and picked up one of your graduate exam practice books to help you pass the time. You had narrowed your application list down to just four schools. Three of them were a bit outlandish, including the University of Chicago, but you were hopeful that one of them would be willing to give you a scholarship. Then you'd keep the University of Virginia as your last resort, since you were almost positive you'd be accepted to stay on in the math department here. You had a 4.0 GPA, and now you just needed to ace your exams.

You jumped off the couch when you heard knocking. Time to get this over with. You unlocked the door and were met with sad, brown puppy dog eyes and a face that you immediately wanted to kiss. And he was holding more flowers.

"Come in," you managed to say in a steady voice that didn't betray your nerves and the butterflies in your tummy. Why had he picked you? What was even special about you in the first place? Nothing. He could have used his voice and charm on any other girl, and you kind of wished he would have. Why the hell was he here anyway?

As he nodded and walked into the living room, you took a deep breath. He smelled so good. He was still wearing that ugly Grateful Dead shirt, and you knew how soft it was. You wanted to rub your cheek against his chest and feel it again for yourself. You wanted to change into it for bed.

"These are for you. Since I messed the other ones up earlier," he told you, holding out the flowers.

You took them, saying, "Well, you didn't mess them up, but thanks." You set the flowers down and nodded for him to sit.

You followed him over toward the couch where he stood, looking at you. "What did you want to talk about?" you asked, crossing your arms as casually as you could.

He ran his hands through his hair and looked around the room before his eyes settled back on your face. "Me, you, everything. I don't know, Sugar. I fucked up with you. And I don't know if you can forgive me, but I wish you would."

He looked so serious, you thought you might as well call him out on it. "I'm not sure how to respond to you right now. You look and sound sincere. But I'm not really in the market for being tricked or fucked over again."

Bradley's face fell and he rubbed his eyes like he was in agony. Then he dropped his arms to his sides. "I've always been sincere with you. Always." His voice was pleading as he added, "Maybe not with everyone else. But with you, yes. So please, please don't start treating me the way everyone else does. Okay?"

"Okay," you agreed, although you weren't really sure what you were agreeing to.

"You treated me like I was important. Like I fucking mattered to you." He rubbed his hand over his mouth and looked at the ceiling. "You don't know how sorry I am that I fucked this up, Sugar."

You swallowed every snarky remark that you had spent the last few minutes coming up with and took him gently by the hand. Immediately his other hand dropped to his side and he was looking at you again.

"Let's sit down," you whispered, and he nodded and sat on your couch, pulling you down and keeping his hand in yours. You took a breath to speak, but he was already going.

"I was so jealous of that fucking guy. I don't even know who he was. But I immediately thought the worst. And I know that's not fair to you, because you're... you. You're just better than everyone else. I think that's why I like you so much. You're smart, and your opinion matters. And you treated me like I was worth being around. Like," he said with a shrug, "I was worth your time." He swallowed, and your eyes dipped to his Adam's apple and his scars.

You thought for a second that he must have been pretty badly mistreated if your opinion means so much after knowing him for a month. You thought about his door and his mom and how he always seemed to be at odds with his fraternity brothers.

"You're worth my time," you said softly. He was looking at you again, his eyes sincere but laced with pain. "And you are important."

"But...?" he prompted, still holding your hand. "Come on, Sugar. Just say what you want to say."

You took a deep breath. "I just want you to be honest with me. That guy I was talking to? His name is Max. He's on the lacrosse team, and he's really, really stupid. I used to tutor him. I don't know why you thought you needed to be jealous of him. He's nothing."

"Sugar, I'm an idiot," he groaned.

"No. You're smart, Bradley. So what gives?" you asked.

He just shook his head and looked at the floor. "Everyone already thinks I'm a fuckup. Everyone expects me to be a certain way. And sometimes it's just easier to give in to their expectations than it is to try."

You laced your fingers with his so he would look at you again. "Who is Hannah?" you asked softly when he met your eyes. You watched the expression on his face change from pain to anxiousness. You wanted to know why he and Jeff couldn't get along.

"Chase was in my fraternity," he said simply. "Hannah was his girlfriend."

"What happened?" you asked softly, and then he told you everything.

---------------------------

Bradley just wanted to hold you and feel your arms slip around him. He wanted to feel your lips move against his neck while you spoke to him in your matter of fact voice. He wanted to listen to your laughter in his bedroom. The last thing he wanted to do was tell you about Chase and Hannah. Nobody else knew the full truth. Not even Phoebe, and she was there.

No, nobody really knew all of it. But you were about to. Because if it meant that you could understand him, then it was worth telling you.

"Chase and Jeff were best friends, and Chase got expelled from Beta and then from UVA for fighting. For fighting me," he told you.

You just shook your head. "You're not a fighter."

Bradley laughed softly. "No, perhaps I'm not. But I think I became one. I used to drink a lot more. Made it easier to deal with the names on my door, I guess. Made it easier to watch girls write their phone numbers and leave." And then in your dimly lit living room, you wrapped your arms around his neck and let him hold you. He took a deep breath and let it out before he said, "The drinking definitely made it easier to stand up for Hannah."

"What did Chase do?" you asked softly, as if you already knew what Bradley was going to tell you. Your nose skimmed the collar of his tee shirt as he let his body relax against yours.

"He hurt Hannah when he got drunk. All the time. He hit her and made her cry. He cheated on her all the time too," Bradley said, and you gasped. "He was the only guy in Beta with a girlfriend, and I thought that if that's what having a girlfriend did to you, I wanted nothing to do with it."

"Oh my god," you whispered.

"Hannah was scared of him. I found her crying in my bathroom one night, and I saw the bruises on her. She was sweet, like you, but not sensible. Chase was nice to her when he was sober, so she just stayed, I guess. I don't know."

You didn't pressure him to keep going. You let him gather his thoughts while he rubbed your back through your sweater.

"I started butting heads with Chase and Jeff more, because Jeff was always standing up for him. I saw Chase push Hannah, and he was always calling her a slut and a bitch. When I tried to insert myself in the situation, pretty much all the guys in Beta agreed with Jeff when he said I was just trying to sleep with Hannah. And why shouldn't they believe him? I'm easy, you know? Every other fucking name under the sun was on my door, why wouldn't I want Hannah's there too?"

"Bradley." You whispered his name so softly he barely heard you, but he wanted to finish.

"After Chase busted up Hannah's lip, and she missed a bunch of her classes, I picked a fight with him. I waited for a night when he was in a particularly bad mood, and then I got wasted on purpose. Drank an entire bottle of vodka. It took all of my strength not to fight back. He slammed me around pretty good, and broke a glass table by putting my face through it. Hence the scars."

You were fully in Bradley's lap now, and you were crying. "No, Bradley. You did that for Hannah?" you asked, running your fingers along his cheek.

He nodded gently against your head. "Yeah. Chase got expelled, putting some distance between him and Hannah. She ended up transferring to Florida for her senior year. She and I have stayed in touch. She was always nice to me. I've... never told anyone that I got drunk on purpose. I was like that a lot, so nobody really thought it seemed strange, you know?"

You pulled away from him, and the loss of contact sent him scrambling for your hand. "That's not who you are though. You're not a fighter. And you're not easy either, Beer Boy. You're really, really good."

Bradley wished you'd lay on him again, but he wasn't going to press his luck. At least you weren't asking him to leave.

"I told Hannah all about you."

"Really?" you asked, sounding surprised.

"Yeah. She told me I'm an idiot for what I did. She also told me you're too good for me. But I sent her a picture of my door, and she called me screaming."

A soft smile was touching your lips now, but it faded as you asked, "Who was that girl last weekend? Did you know her?"

He nodded and forced the words out. "Her name is Willow. I slept with her a few months ago. It didn't mean anything. I wish I could take it all back. After Phoebe, I started sleeping around, because I didn't really have anything else," he said with a sardonic laugh and a shrug. "I am sorry. And I would never do that again... to you. If I stood a chance."

Bradley had to swallow the lump in his throat as you pressed your lips together and studied him. "Are you leaving soon? The party is probably in full swing now."

He just shrugged helplessly. "I'll leave when you ask me to, Sugar. I'm not partying tonight."

You licked your lips before you shifted so you were no longer touching him, and he started to brace himself for your dismissal.

"Do you want some pizza?" you asked. "I'm hungry, and I won't be able to finish it by myself."

Bradley just nodded. He would have agreed to anything you said if it meant he could be around you for a little bit longer. He watched you walk to the table to pick up your phone, your skirt hitting the backs of your thighs with each step. He cradled his forehead in his hand, he had no idea what was going on here. This felt like a subtle reminder as to why he shouldn't actually try to date anyone.

He listened to you order a pizza and watched you pace around in a small circle. Then you started to dig around in your wallet, but he jumped up and handed you money. "I got it," he said. But you just shook your head.

"Don't worry about it. And we're not done talking," you said, gently pushing him back toward the couch.

"We're not?" he asked, dropping back down to sit. But you remained standing in front of him.

"No. I want you to tell me, why me?"

"I don't understand."

"I don't understand either, Bradley. Why me? Why do you want me to be your girlfriend? You could get with any girl on campus."

He scoffed. "Maybe physically, Sugar. But that's not the only reason I like you. I already told you... you talk to me like I'm important."

"Oh, Beer Boy. You have no idea."

When you sat down next to him and curled up against his body, he just held you until the pizza arrived.

-------------------------

Both of you sat on the floor in front of the coffee table and ate pizza, but Bradley seemed on edge the whole time. You hated this. Being around him had been so easy before. When you stood up to refill your drinks, you watched his eyes drift up your legs, lingering on your body before settling on your face. You turned toward the kitchen and took your time.

The idea of forgiving him had almost taken over your entire mind. You wanted to. But you also felt like you were just asking for trouble. But when he told you about Chase and Hannah, you really wanted to just wrap him up in your arms and never let go.

When you walked back to the living room, he was standing, hands tucked in his pockets. "Sugar, I'm gonna go. I think I need to go."

Your heart dropped. "Why?" You didn't want him to leave yet.

"This is... I need to... protect myself," he said softly.

"Oh. From me?" You were going to cry if he said yes.

He nodded his head.

You could feel your face scrunch up, tears beginning to sting your eyes. "I don't want you to say that."

"This isn't your fault. I did this, because I am a fuckup."

"Stop it," you said, running your fingers across his scarred left cheek and resting your thumb on his lips. "You're not." You couldn't stand the hopeful look on his face now, so you wrapped your arms around his waist and buried your face against his chest.

His voice was deep and raspy as he asked you, "Can I touch you, Sugar?"

You looked up at his face, his eyes already on yours, but he didn't take his hands out of his pockets until you whispered yes.

His hands found your waist like they belonged there, and you let him hold you. When you pressed a soft kiss to his neck, he groaned.

You felt powerful around him. You always had. He'd given you control. Bradley had given you control. He was smart, but always selling himself short. He was organized, like his mom. He let Chase beat the shit out of him without fighting back. He was very in control of himself, whether he wanted to admit it or not. But over the past month or so, he'd let you control this.

"Do you want to sleep over, Beer Boy?" you asked him.

He looked a little stunned, but he muttered, "Of course, Sugar."

You nodded and led him to your bedroom. "I'm tired. Can we snuggle?"

He laughed softly. "Please."

Without another word, you pulled your sweater over your head and unhooked your bra. He watched you intently but didn't touch you as you got undressed in front of him. Then you grabbed the bottom of his tie dyed shirt and guided it up over his body. He raised his hands in the air without a word and let you take it off. He swallowed hard as you pulled it over your head and ran your hands along the soft fabric. When you climbed into bed, he quickly took off his shoes and his jeans and climbed in next to you.

"Just snuggling," you murmured, but he was already curled up behind you, burying his face in your hair and squeezing you.

Bradley whispered in agreement, but soon you were turning in his arms and wrapping your hands around his neck. That first kiss felt so good, you gasped. You had missed him so much like this. You kissed him again and again until you felt sated, but his hands stayed on your waist on the outside of the Grateful Dead shirt, rubbing soft, soothing circles. Somehow he had become the one offering you some much needed comfort.

"Just snuggling, Sugar," he whispered against your lips. You nodded in agreement, and at some point between kissing him and your whispered conversation, you fell asleep in his arms.

------------------------------

Bradley woke up with his arm pinned beneath you. It was light outside now, but you were still sound asleep. He didn't want to move and wake you, so he just got used to the pins and needles sensation. He examined your gorgeous face, lips parted slightly and breathing softly in sleep. Had you forgiven him? He wasn't sure, and he was going to be too afraid to ask you now.

Today was Valentine's Day, and this moment right now was the closest thing he had felt to love since his mom died. If you let him, he was pretty sure he could fall in love with you. He'd never done it before, wasn't exactly sure of the logistics, but it seemed okay here. So when you rolled closer to him and sighed, he pushed your hair away from your forehead and kissed you.

It seemed easier to ask you something else first. When your eyes opened, a smile graced your lips when you saw him, as if you weren't expecting him to be there but you were happy that he was.

"Beer Boy," you whispered, your voice raw from sleep. You rolled onto him further, and Bradley was thankful for your bodyweight on his and that he was finally able to move his arm.

"Sugar, will you be my girlfriend?" he asked you before he could backtrack or rethink anything.

You examined his face for a moment. His ears were ringing. He shouldn't have asked. You were going to kick him out now. Why was this shit so hard for him?

"Yes," you told him, nodding and leaning up to kiss his lips, gently nudging his nose with yours.

"Fuck," he whispered against your lips. He wrapped you up in his arms. "Can you forgive me?"

"Yeah, Beer Boy, I can forgive you."

Bradley smiled for the first time in almost a week.

---------------------------------

Sugar! Did she make a smart decision? Thanks a million percent to @mak-32 This is for you!

PART 12

@hotch-meeeeeuppppp

@swthxrry

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#bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #rooster x you #rooster fanfic #rooster x female reader #rooster x reader #top gun fanfiction #top gun maverick fanfiction #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw fic #bradley bradshaw x female reader #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley bradshaw fanfiction #rooster bradshaw x female reader #bradley bradshaw

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bengiyo · 1 year ago

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I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama Ep 3 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

Last time, Akafuji recognized that he has a crush on Aoyanagi for real, and Aoyanagi also recognized there may be something going on with him. The two lonely boys are trying to put on their best faces for the sake of the drama, but Akafuji is crushed by his own attraction, and Aoyanagi by his own doubts in himself as an actor. Aoyanagi rescued Kuromiya from an aggressive can, and we learned he's afraid of aggressive women. Kuromiya intervened, and Akafuji took Aoyanagi on a date. The two of them practiced kissing, but it was sad as fuck, and then the network cut the kiss from their show.

This curry looks pretty good.

Oh yes. Thank you voiceover for confirming they're both thinking about the kiss.

I'm glad Akafuji can still benefit from his stan knowledge, but now he's spiraling.

Welcome back, baby is a messy eater.

It definitely feels like they're having more fun separating themselves from the characters.

I will love Akafuji forever. He responded to being dumped for loving his hobby by loving it harder.

I would also stan Aoyanagi if he took me so seriously and then praised me for loving my stories.

I love when one confesses when they think the other is sleeping.

Aoyanagi has the best eyes of the year OMG.

I like the manager listening in to check on his charge.

Ope. Tendo-san called it falling in love.

I love the shot of the manager stepping over Hajime in the front as it's implied he's putting himself between Hajime and Akafuji.

Oh no. My boy is gonna be alone on his birthday again.

Oh, of course it was intended as a surprise party. I love Akafuji.

Aoyanagi is crying. I'm crying.

THE CARD IS EDIBLE.

Welcome back, The Heart Knows!

They cut a kiss from a friends to lovers BL with this much sexual tension?? Come on.

I'm glad the rest of the crew knows that Aoyanagi is a good actor who usually hits his marks.

They really had that boy spit on the 4th wall. Holy shit.

Fucking paparazzi holy shit.

Oh, I hate misunderstandings like this, but I get it.

Tendo-san, please fix this!

OH MY GOD. I'VE HAD TO GIVE FOR SO LONG AND I FINALLY GET TO RECEIVE. I had hoped the managers would be real and I was not expecting this!

Run, baby boy, RUN!!!

Holy shit, this indeed a stan's apartment.

He has the cutout!!

This is a completely acceptable stan reaction, and also a fantastic shot.

"I like you as myself" will never get old.

"I'm sorry for going on about myself. Anyway, what did you want to talk about?" Sorry to all other BL characters, but we have a new king.

I love this confession.

They planned to remove a kiss that was in the manga??? EVIL.

Aw, this was so close to perfect, but then they chickened out on a real kiss.

Final Verdict: 9.5, This Show Will Drown You in BL Goodness. If they had kissed properly, this would have a 10 and the new standard for all comedy BL follow. Instead, I will say that this show executes comedy with meta commentary about BL better than any other attempt before it (excepting A Man Who Defies the World of BL). Despite confirming the managers, the show chickened out on the mains and I will be docking it for that. Still, this show was excellently paced and will be my new default reaction image whenever someone insists that a Thai BL should be 12 episodes of meandering nonsense with no fucking idea where it's going or what story it's telling. This show executed a great arc in three movements. Everyone else, have several seats.

#Ben watches #bl drama no shuen ni narimashita: crank up hen #i became the main role of a bl drama #japanese bl #bl series

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zqmbiescorpse · 2 years ago

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𝗧𝗥𝗨𝗧𝗛 𝗢𝗥 𝗗𝗔𝗥𝗘..

kaitlyn ka x female reader

a/n: i've been dying for kaitlyn fics, and just the quarry fics in general, because there's hardly any and that makes me want to cry. anyways, first thing i'm hopefully posting so no bullying pls. no werewolves! also sorry if the ending feels like it could be improved, i just really wanted to be finished with this <3

warnings: nothing serious, some making out

word count: 2.4k

(masterlist)

The joyous, fun atmosphere surrounding the gentle flicker of the campfire quickly disappeared, leaving the mood somewhat awkward as everyone who had remained (being Dylan, Ryan and yourself) turned towards Kaitlyn with a disappointed look.

"What?" questioned the small ravenette, sensing the glares from the three of you while she feigned innocence at the situation she, may have, intentionally, created.

"You totally ruined the party man," Dylan absentmindedly responded, taking a sip of whatever beer was left. All of you were a little tipsy, sober enough that thinking clearly wasn't an issue but drunk enough to feel a warm woozy sensation floating around your bodies.

In all truth, you weren't bothered in the slightest by the absence of Jacob, Abi, Emma or Nick. You did like them, sure, though being with them throughout the summer was often challenging - you typically found yourself enjoying the company of the others instead.

The four of you had stuck together for a large portion of the time, and you felt you'd become pretty close; so close that, naturally, you formed a humongous crush on the confident, very attractive, super cool dark-haired girl that was sometimes a little mean to you.

With Kaitlyn, you could never be quite sure about how she felt about you, there had been a few occasions where you doubted if she even liked as a friend. She was hard to read and you were a bit sensitive so, as you can imagine, things got tricky - having a ton of feelings for her only made you suffer greatly.

Then again, when these times occurred where you were miserable, Kaitlyn would periodically open up to you and let you know that, yes, she did appreciate you. Small moments of affirmation after so much doubt made you feel so unbelievably fuzzy inside. Unfortunately, the pair of you were tremendously insecure, because of this, there was a lot of dancing around each other the entire summer, similarly to Nick and Abi.

Suddenly desperate to relish in what could be the last evening with her, a rapid demand to continue the entertainment of 'truth or dare' came spilling from your mouth.

'Someone's...eager," Ryan chuckled slowly, glancing over at you and then at Dylan with a knowing glint in his eye.

Following this, Dylan offered, "Y/N's just disappointed she didn't get to smooch anyone this evening."

"You and me both, Y/N."

It was such a quiet array of words yet everyone heard Kaitlyn mutter them - nobody said anything back.

You were so hopelessly in love with her, that you couldn't help but hang onto anything Kaitlyn said that remotely resembled a reciprocation of feelings.

Shyly, you lifted your gaze from the muddy floor to your friends around you, careful not to stare directly at her gorgeous face. Whatever you were about to say next needed to be calm, one hundred percent normal and definitely not suggestive of anything.

With a brief amount of consideration and overthinking, you said, "Well, I don't know, what else is there to do right now? We can keep playing without the others."

You needed to stop working yourself up over such minuscule things; with Kaitlyn anywhere near you, you couldn't control yourself. Not being a fumbling mess was incredibly difficult.

"Yeah sure, why the fuck not?" Dylan chimed back in with a sense of glee, intrigued to see what would happen next.

"Cool alright, Kaitlyn?"

Deep down, it was clear to you that she would join back in, but part of you still inwardly thanked Ryan for ensuring that she was interested in continuing.

"I'm in, of course," A short pause. "You're a bit far away from us Y/N, you should get a bit closer, come here..."

Watching as Kaitlyn patted the empty space on the rough log impatiently, indicating you join her, an eruption of warmth covered your cheeks at her attention being on you; her wanting you next to her.

"Yeah, come on over here Y/N!"

Obviously, it didn't feel as special when Dylan said it, though, you appreciated how it got rid of some of the tension.

"Okay okay, yes, I'm coming," You spoke up, giggling, absolutely infected with giddiness that was bursting to show. You're sure it did, a big goofy smile plastered to your face as you made your way to the opposite side of the campfire. Apparently, the delight spread to Kaitlyn since you could've sworn she was attempting to mask an excited grin too.

Immediately, a soft scent of honey mixed with something floral was all you could smell, each and every time you inhaled. It made you feel very comfortable.

"Who wants to start it off this time?" inquired Ryan, yet your attention was instantly torn away from him due to the sensation of a soft, smaller hand brushing over your slightly sweaty one.

There was not a doubt in your mind. You had already jumped to the conclusion that it was intentional. From doing an action so small as turning away from you to face Ryan, how could Kaitlyn's hand touch yours in the process if it were on accident? There was no time to think rationally, you were already freaking out like mad. And she loved it.

"I'll go."

Leaving no room for arguments, Kaitlyn's head whipped back round to face you once more, this time with a playful theme prominent within her features.

"Y/N. Truth or dare," she asked, intently, her pretty eyes trained on your very nervous self.

You couldn't pick a place to focus your line of sight, eyes darting from her straight to the floor and back at your two shaky hands resting in your lap. Not in a million years were you prepared to answer 'dare'. In what world did you have the confidence.

Telling yourself it was the sensible response, you requested 'truth' like the jittery coward you are - to nobody's surprise but to Kaitlyn's disappointment.

"Tryna play it safe, are we, Y/N? I'm not letting you off that easily," was all she said as you sat there, patiently awaiting for whatever abomination that was heading your way.

Finally, you observed as her eyes lit up with a sudden delight; her full attention, once again, solely focused on you, not quite prepared for what was coming next.

"Out of everyone here, meaning me, Dylan or Ryan, who would you be the most interested in dating...and you have to answer otherwise it's no fun."

The situation wouldn't have felt awfully suffocating if it weren't for your stupid crush, which you were starting to suspect Kaitlyn was fully aware of. Her plump lips contorted mischievously into something smug - a perfectly arched eyebrow raised while she continued staring you down.

Because of the intense stare and immense amount of pressure you felt you were under, you missed a faint flash of worry flicker in her eye at your hesitation; uncertain whether or not her question had backfired on her.

Words couldn't describe the newfound urge tugging at your stomach to let her know that you so badly wanted to date her, to be with her, to kiss her. You couldn't handle rejection in the slightest but also couldn't bare the thought of letting this go on much longer - missing your chance when you had it.

You felt yourself tearing apart because of a silly crush on a girl who was way too good for you; evidently taking this unimportant game way too seriously. This time, you locked eyes with Kaitlyn, your heart racing, making an effort to bring any remnants of confidence together to prepare an answer.

"Uhhhh, I'd probably wanna date you, Kaitlyn?"

You had never experienced something simultaneously this underwhelming and overwhelming. Really, your response was very simple, basic, and not that huge. If, by chance, the beautiful ravenette was utterly disgusted by your answer it could be put down to merely a game and everyone would move on. You would be devastated but you'd get over it.

Having said that, repulsion was the last thing Kaitlyn felt regarding your answer, instead, a frantic fuel ignited within her. For a moment, she kind of just gawked at you, a bashful awkwardness radiating from your features.

"Truth or dare," she asked once more, this time the question coming across as more demanding, and a slight shake was apparent in her voice. Desperation spurred over her yet she seemed to be concealing it quite well, aside from the little chew on her lip while she awaited your answer, the nervous habit being the only indication of how Kaitlyn felt.

"Hey, what!" Dylan interjected, "Why are you going again, Kaitlyn? It's Y/N's turn."

Though you had to admit that Dylan's disapproval was amusing, you were too engulfed in whatever was happening between you and her. Nothing but you and her. Bathing in her alluring nature, you really did not mean to take this long to respond, you shouldn't be keeping someone that exquisite waiting.

"Dare..."

To outsiders, the atmosphere didn't appear tense at all. The luminous blaze of the golden camp, flickered and your chest tightened by the second.

"I dare you," Kaitlyn breathed out, her words trailing off implying a wane in confidence. Again, she was doubting herself, even when, at this point, the both of you had been as open as you could about your intense romantic interest for each other without explicitly saying anything.

You observed her complexion closely, each insecurity conveyed on her face made your heart rate increase consequently. You yearned for her to give in and do something to relieve all the built up anxiety, yet couldn't blame her too much since you found yourself incapable of initiating the first move.

An abrupt change conjured. Kaitlyn ostensibly bolder.

"I dare you to kiss me."

Silence. You inched forward but couldn't quite make it all the way. You didn't know what it was, something was holding you back. Also, with the audience of the two boys, you couldn't help your sheepish nature.

As though she couldn't handle it anymore, impatient because of your hesitancy, Kaitlyn took matters into her own hands and closed the gap, her soft lips meeting yours. Certain she would tease you about your failure to for fill the dare, you decided it was best to concern yourself with it later - a highly insignificant worry, really.

The kiss didn't last too long. The bliss you felt quickly overpowered by insecurity, and maybe disappointment too. You had hoped the moment you had been chasing for months would at least be longer than a few seconds. Grateful you got to kiss her, yet, you needed more.

"That was...terrible. I'm sorry," You mumbled bashfully, barely audible for Dylan and Ryan.

"Nu-uh baby, it was good," She whispered back, then tugging your face toward her once more.

Whereas the first peck was delicate, shy and over in a few seconds, in this instance, the kiss was deepened almost immediately. Her gentle hands cupped your flushed cheeks, promoting you to tightly grasp at her clothes. It took all of your power to not let any whimpers or whines escape you, making out with someone while other people were around was embarrassing enough as is.

"Okay...guys..." Ryan, being the first to speak up, broke the immersion, the two of you reluctantly pulling away from each other.

"Totally digging how happy you are right now, but, you know, lodge is empty..." Dylan chimed in, somewhat less awkward than Ryan.

You shared a look with Kaitlyn, your shortness of breath mirrored after your lips had been pressed against one another's for an extended period of time.

"Sounds great, thanks Dylan," Kaitlyn rose from her place seated on the log, enthusiasm oozing from her. "Let's get going huh, Y/N?" She proposed, laced with sultry.

You stayed seated, a little dumbfounded about the kiss and relishing in the electric sensation circulating in your body. Kaitlyn gripped your wrist, gaining your attention as her request caught up with you.

"Uh, yeah...yes we should go," Stumbling over your words, you got up, waved to Dylan and Ryan and began your journey back to the lodge. Incoherent mumbling could be heard from the pair left behind. You ignored it, giggling slightly and walked beside Kaitlyn.

When you arrived, you opened up the wooden door and stepped inside, Kaitlyn not giving you an opportunity to voice your opinion on anything; her mouth soon latched onto yours.

It was hungry, and you returned the passion. Although she may have been smaller than you, she still forced you up against one of the aging walls of the building; her tongue buried in your mouth. There was no fight for dominance, Kaitlyn was in control, not that you minded. It was such a rush, her lips all over your cool skin, your trembling hands in her dark hair, the occasional raspy chuckles from her, and the whines from you. Anything either one of you did spurred the other on wildly.

Eventually, distances had to be created since you couldn't keep going without catching your breath.

"I can't believe it took us that long to do this. We could've been having hot make-out sessions all summer" Kaitlyn beamed with genuine delight, her hands retreating from being all over you to placed on her hips, taking her usual sassy stance.

"I know," You agreed, laughing," I was so scared about being rejected"

"It's okay, I was equally terrified. Better late than never I suppose. At least we know now." The ravenette smirked, gazing into your eyes, entertained by how dishevelled you looked, encouraging her to admit, "I seriously am so fucking attracted to you."

Again, you let out a giggle, a noise that Kaitlyn thought was endearing. "Well, I've been fawning over you for like ages now." You blushed, the confession sparking a wave of heat to pass over you. Even though your actions had already said enough, disclosing the information made your shoulders feel externally lighter.

"It does really suck that it's the end of camp, going our separate ways and all" You continued, dejectedly. You were overjoyed that you were finally sharing these movements with Kaitlyn but hated yourself for holding off this long.

She examined your rapidly declining mood, likewise, she was regretful for waiting, however, not an ounce of uncertainty clouded her mind.

"What is there to worry about? Of course, we can stay in touch, I'm serious about this and...I do want to be with you." She reassured you, offering a loving smile filled with comfort. "Just give me your number, baby."

#the quarry #the quarry fanfic #the quarry fandom #the quarry kaitlyn #kaitlyn ka #kaitlyn ka x reader #dylan lenivy #ryan erzahler #emma mountebank #jacob custos #until dawn #supermassive games #the quarry x reader #until dawn x reader #lgbtq #fanfic #fanfiction #x reader #x female reader

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searchingsomewhere · 6 months ago

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All Too Well, Part 18

{"Don't know how much more I can take. I just know that I need to get better."}

Cw for some descriptive very mild gore? Just throwing it out there.

poly!Gojo x OC x Geto

All Too Well Masterlist

Part 17

Suguru Geto was not well.

He hadn't been, since that summer. And he was only falling further into the spiral.

The man who was hired to kill Riko was named Toji Fushiguro. Was named. That past tense was important to note, as he was no longer alive. Suguru later learned that, while he had dragged his body over to Miho to check for her pulse, Satoru had gone after the assassin. Refusing defeat and delirious from blood loss, the then sixteen year old Gojo heir had done what his peers failed to do and killed the man.

Miho was nearly dead when Satoru stumbled down there, pressing his hand to her chest to rush Reversed Cursed Energy through her body before he collapsed next to them. Suguru could do nothing but lie there between them, crying quietly. Praying to whatever god was listening. Begging for karma to take him instead of them.

The extensive damage Toji did to Miho's spinal cord had nearly paralyzed her. It took almost eight months for her to walk again with specialized care from the school doctor and Shoko. The doctors told her it was unlikely she'd ever walk without a cane.

Yes. Suguru Geto was, in fact, not well.

Everyone tried moving past it. Even Miho, who he cheered on as she was learning to walk again. Who still worried over him while telling him that she was fine, even though he caught her crying and telling Satoru she wasn't sure if she could continue physical therapy. And Satoru...he was leagues above them. The tether that had been holding him back with the rest of them had broke. The gap between his skill and Suguru's was wider than ever. They were no longer evenly matched. No longer the strongest. That was a title meant only for the white haired boy with the Six Eyes.

When Suguru tried to look at Miho, all he saw was her covered in blood. Blade striking through her chest, ripping through flesh and bone. He could still hear it. The sicking crack of her ribs shattering, the splash of her blood against the floor as it gushed out of her. She couldn't remember, but he did. At night, when he closed his eyes, he saw her lying on the ground, glassy eyes staring lifelessly at him.

"Even with those blessings, you two were still beaten by a monkey like me who can't even use cursed energy."

He couldn't eat. Couldn't sleep. Something dark had been stirring in deep in his chest for so long. It was forcing itself up his throat and out of his mouth. A nasty, acidic, bile-like taste for humanity. A humanity that used children like weapons. That protected the weak and held back the strong. That sacrificed innocent, bright lives for the sake of Jujustu society. And the humanity that required those sacrifices for the simple sake of keeping the calm-

A loud knock on the door roused him from his endless session of staring at the wall. Suguru looked over at the door before rolling back over in bed. They'd go away soon.

The door opened. Light flooded the dim room. Three shadows peeked in.

"Suguru?" Satoru asked quietly, poking his head in. He looked over at the bed. "Hey, man. Mind if we stop by?"

Suguru rolled over to face him. He tried his best to give him a smile, but it was tired. "Of course."

He knew he looked different. Gaunt. Exhausted. He briefly wondered if his appearance would scare them off. But Satoru came in anyway, followed by Shoko. He heard the soft tap tap of Miho's crutches as she slowly made her way into the room. She had cut her hair recently. It hung to her shoulders now, sweeping to the side. She was cute. Suguru knew that, under their clothes and even further under their muscles and bones, both his girlfriend and boyfriend had scars that would never quite heal.

Satoru sat down on the side of the bed. "You okay?"

His voice was soft. Gentle. I'm here, it said. I see you.

Shoko reached over his bed to open the window. Sunlight filtered in, lazy and warm. She opened the window and took a seat on the sill.

"We're worried about you," she said, lighting a cigarette. She held it out to him. He took it and nodded to her in thanks.

Suguru sat up, patting Satoru's hand. He pulled his legs up, making room for Miho. Satoru took her crutches from her and set them down before helping her onto the bed. Suguru noted the pain that flickered across her face as she moved. Miho straightened her face, smiling at him with that beautiful, welcoming smile.

"We're here for you, Suguru," Miho said, reaching out to grab his hand.

He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. "You're the one we should be worried about, Miho. I'm fine-"

"You're horrible at lying," Satoru scoffed.

He took a hit of the cigarette, holding it in for a second before slowly exhaling. His friends were looking at him. Watching him carefully.

"I'm just...struggling," he admitted finally, "I've been having nightmares again...about him."

The four of them sat in silence for a moment. Miho squeezed his hand, encouraging him to continue. So he did. He told them about his nightmares, the spiral he was falling into. Maybe it was the cigarette, or the way they all hung on to his every word, but getting it all out there felt good. He couldn't see a way out. That's what he said.

"...by a monkey like me who can't even use cursed energy."

But he knew what he needed to do.

"If you want to live a long life, you'll remember that."

He couldn't take it any longer. Something in his subconscious snapped.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojo satoru #geto suguru #gojo x oc x geto #jjk geto #jjk gojo #oc #fanfic #satosugu

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autistic-writer-angel · 2 months ago

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OCtober Day 16

Prompt: Lament

Words: 665

Canon to my other stories: Yes

Additional notes: Another scene I've had in my head for a while. Context? Don't know her.

@mooshie-blue I think I told you I was going to post this one.

TW: Slight self-harm and quite a bit of self-loathing.

Credit to @apromptingwewillgo for the prompts.

Lament

“Angel?” Captain Barnacles called. He could hear her on the other side of the bushes. It wasn’t like her to just run away, though. Something must have been wrong. “Angel?!”

He pushed the bushes aside and was shocked by what he saw: Angel had grabbed a long, thick tree branch and was hitting herself with it! She whacked her arms over and over again.

“Angel! What are you doing?! Don’t do that!” The polar bear took the branch off of her and tossed it as far as he could without fear of hurting any creatures. “You could hurt yourself!”

“That was the whole point!” the girl countered, beginning to cry.

The Captain was alarmed. Angel got upset very easily, but she rarely cried. He knelt down beside her. “Angel. Why are you crying?”

Angel let out a sob. “Because I keep screwing up!”

“Angel-”

“It’s my fault we’re stuck here! And I just keep making things worse! You could have gotten back to the Octopod ages ago if it weren’t for me, but we’ve been stuck here for three days! Your big day is completely ruined! And it’s all my fault! I’m sorry!”

“Everyone makes mistakes, Angel”, Barnacles pointed out gently.

“NOT AS MUCH AS I DO!” she exploded. “All I do is screw up! I just can’t do anything right! Here!” She slipped her Octo-watch off her wrist and threw it not at him, but towards him. “I don’t want this anymore! I’m never going to be good enough!”

Captain Barnacles knew that Angel struggled with self-esteem. He knew every Octonaut and Octo-Agent had their areas to work on and this was Angel’s main one. Still, it was hard to listen to the rant that followed. She bawled her eyes out, describing herself as completely useless and the worst thing ever. At first, he said nothing. He just allowed her to lament. Maybe all of this just needed to come out.

Eventually, when she was crying too hard to keep going, he decided to intervene.

“Angel. Take a deep breath.”

The thirteen-year-old drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then she did it again and again.

She sniffled and wiped away a tear. “I’m sorry. You should have told me to shut up.”

“No”, he told her gently. “Angel, everyone feels the way you’re feeling sometimes. Everyone feels like they’re not good enough, but it’s not true. Any of it.”

“Yes it is!”

“You’re so hard on yourself. You have done so much more than you give yourself credit for… Do you remember when you and I first met?”

Despite herself, Angel had to smile a little. “I wish I didn’t.”

“You were so scared of me, but look at you now.” He smiled at her. “And you saved the life of a little penguin. You’ve helped me in the Caves of Sac Actun and helped save creatures in the Ring of Fire. You’re kind, you’re funny and you brighten up every day on the Octopod. And I'm very proud of you.”

Angel let out another sniffle. “Really?”

“Of course.” Seeing as she wasn’t convinced, he held out his arms. “Come here.”

The girl collapsed into his hug, resting her head on his chest as she sobbed. Captain Barnacles stroked her hair and talked to her gently.

When her sobs slowed, the Captain let her go. “Come on.” He stood up and pulled her up to her feet as well. “We’d better keep moving.”

Angel let out another sniff and shook her head. “Go on without me. You don’t need me getting in your way. You should just get back to the Octopod.”

“I’m not going anywhere without you”, the polar bear countered. “Oh! One more thing.” He picked up her Octo-watch. “You’re going to need this.”

Still not believing she deserved it, Angel put the Octo-watch back on her wrist. Then the Captain took her hand again.

“Junior Octo-Agent Angel. Let’s do this!”

#octonauts #octonauts fandom #octonauts oc #captain barnacles #OCTOBER #OCtober 2024 #fluff #octonauts a&b #octonauts above and beyond

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c-e-d-dreamer · 1 year ago

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Barbarian Bat: Part Three

A/N: Let's all just pretend that I'm not super behind on writing and updating.... aha? But I hope everyone enjoys this next part! We're getting angsty up in here.

Read on AO3 // Chapter Masterlist // Previous Part

Nesta’s heart pounds between her ribs, the thrumming beat in time with every hurried step through the snow. She’s half aware of the cold biting across the skin of her cheeks, of the numbness beginning to creep into her fingers, but it’s hard to focus on anything other than forcing air into her lungs, forcing it around the lump pressing painfully in her throat. Her whole chest feels hollowed out, feels bruised and empty, and she can feel the familiar prickle of tears burning just behind her eyes.

The snow and the trees pass by in a watery blur, but Nesta keeps pushing forward. She refuses to give in to the dread that weighs heavy in her gut, refuses to give in to the darkness swirling in tighter and tighter and threatening to pull her under. Perhaps, if she keeps walking far enough, she’ll finally wake up back in her bed in her tiny apartment back on earth.

“Nes!”

Nesta takes a moment to close her eyes, a near hysterical laugh bubbling up and out of her. Of course. Of course, he followed her. Of course, she’s never truly allowed a second of peace.

“Nesta!”

“You are quite literally the last person I want to see right now,” Nesta calls over her shoulder, rolling her eyes.

“Nes, please. Stop.”

“I’m serious. Leave me alone.”

Nesta hears Cassian let out an annoyed huff, hears him jog through the snow to catch up to her. “If you are going to storm off, at least do it in a different direction.”

“Just because we’ve resonated that doesn’t mean you get to tell me what to do, you insufferable alien,” Nesta seethes, trying to pick up her pace.

“And your stubbornness is walking you straight into Metlak territory.”

Nesta whirls back around to face him, her hands clenched into fists at her side. “Didn’t you know? I’m the stubborn one. The scary one. So why don’t you take a hint from the rest of the tribe and finally just steer clear?”

Cassian frowns, and even across the distance still between them, Nesta can see the pained look that mars his expression as he presses a hand to his chest. “You are my mate. The one my khui has chosen as mine.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t want to be.”

“Yes, you have made that perfectly clear. I am sorry. I am sorry that your khui did not choose someone better for you. I am sorry that it is me you are stuck with.”

The words hit Nesta hard enough that her breath stutters for a moment, cracks ricocheting through her chest. The defensive quip dies on her tongue, any other words tangling into a tight knot.

How could he not know? How could he not know that she had been drawn into his gravity from the moment she laid eyes on him? How could he not know that every teasing remark, every smile, every laugh he directed her way left something warm and dangerous blooming within her that Nesta refuses to name? How could he not know that he is all that is good and brave and kind, and it is her that does not deserve him?

“Cassian…”

But Nesta trails off as Cassian’s eyes widen, his attention drifting firmly over her shoulder. He looks nothing short of alarmed, and it has every hair on the back of Nesta’s neck rising, anxiety beginning to spark in her veins. Tentatively, she turns back around and comes face to face with a pair of large, round eyes. The white fur of the creature is dirty and splotted with brown spots, and when Nesta takes in a gasping breath, she’s hit with what smells a lot like a wet dog. The creature tilts its head, peering up at her almost curiously, before opening its beak-like mouth and giving Nesta a perfect view of its fangs.

Nesta tries to slowly back away, but her feet have sunk too deeply, her snowshoes catching and dragging in the snow until she’s toppling backwards and landing with a quiet cry of surprise. The metlak lets out some sort of call, a sound that reminds Nesta of an owl hooting, and then two more creatures are stepping out from the tree line and approaching her.

“Nesta!”

Nesta's heart stutters and pounds in her chest, and she tries to scramble back away from the creatures, away from their large unblinking eyes that are pinned on her, away from their mouths full of fangs. Another hooting sound and that first metlak dares to take a step closer to her, Nesta's whole body locking up with a full body flinch in anticipation of an attack.

A roar sounds from behind her, and Nesta can do nothing but gape as Cassian goes rushing forward and barrels into the group of metlaks. The creatures are quick to fight back, arms swinging and dragging their claws against his skin. Cassian reaches to pull his knife free from his belt, but one of the metlaks sinks its fangs into his arm, and he lets out a pained shout of surprise as his knife falls into the snow.

With a growl, Cassian throws his arm out and shakes the metlak free, sending the creature sailing through the air until it goes crumbling into the snow. The other metlaks are briefly distracted by their fallen comrade, so Cassian whirls around, his hands sifting through the snow to find his missing knife. But the distraction is short lived, and soon, the two remaining metlaks have their attention solely back on Cassian, letting out more of those ominous hooting sounds.

“Cassian!” Nesta screams out in warning. “Cassian!”

Cassian looks up in alarm just as one of the metlaks pounces, claws and fangs burying into his back. He turns around before the remaining metlak can join the attack, kicking out his leg and sending it back toward the tree line. His hands reach back to try and grasp at the metlak still attached to him, but the creature rears its head back and takes another bite out of Cassian’s shoulder.

Cassian stumbles, dropping down to one knee and clearly in pain. Nesta can’t take anymore, can’t just sit by and watch. She pushes back to her feet and rushes forward. She spies Cassian’s abandoned knife, scooping it up out of the snow as she goes. She curls her fingers tight around the hilt, drawing her hand back and swinging forward until the carved bone is embedded deep in the metlak's fur. The metlak lets out an anguished sound, squirming until warm red spills across Nesta’s hands and between her fingers, but it releases its hold on Cassian and collapses at their feet.

Nesta’s chest is heaving, and the knife slips from her grip as she staggers back a step. She swallows hard around the bile threatening to rise up in her throat, blinking down at the metlak blood staining her skin. A finger beneath her chin has her gaze raising and meeting a pair of eyes glowing with concern.

“Are you well, Nes?”

A hysterical laugh threatens to bubble up out of her at the question. “You’re the one who was just attacked, and you’re asking me if I’m well?”

Nesta reaches her hand up in the space between them, trying to put pressure on the wound left behind from the metlak’s claws on Cassian’s chest. Between the way her fingers have started to tremble and the slickness of the blood, her hand slips against his skin, but Cassian’s own fingers curl gently around her wrist, halting her movements. With everything that’s happened, the touch shouldn’t be as warm and grounding as it is, but there’s no denying the calming feeling that washes over her.

“Do not worry about me,” Cassian tells her as he reaches down and grabs his knife, standing up with a grimace. “We must get you somewhere safe, away from metlak territory.” Cassian looks up and around them, taking in their surroundings. “I know this area. There is a hunter cave not far.”

Somehow, numbly, Nesta nods her head. She stumbles back to where their packs are laying in the snow, shouldering the weight of both of them. Cassian tries to take them from her, but she holds firm, especially as blood continues to slide along his skin in streaks of red. He seems less than impressed, but he leads the way through the snow, keeping his knife raised and ready in case of another attack.

Thankfully, they really don’t need to walk too far before reaching the hunter cave, but Nesta still lets out an exhausted sigh as she drops their packs to the floor. She goes to move the privacy screen into place at the cave entrance, but a pained grunt draws her attention back to Cassian. He’s dropped to his knees, whatever adrenaline that was keeping him going now gone.

He winces as he pulls his vest off and tosses it aside, and Nesta gets her first look at just how bad the wounds to his back are. The gashes are deep and still bleeding, the one at his shoulder where that metlak bit him especially gruesome. When Cassian falls forward, just barely catching himself with his hand, Nesta rushes to his side. She drops to her own knees beside him, stretching an arm across his waist to try and hold him up.

“You need to see Madja,” Nesta tells him, eyes raking over the concerningly high number of scratches and gashes. “We need to get you back to the main cave.”

Cassian shifts enough that he can slide his palm along Nesta’s cheek, thumb skating across her skin. The way his eyes droop and are unfocused has fear spearing icy cold through Nesta’s chest, twisting tighter and tighter until it hurts to squeeze air into her lungs. She curls her fingers around his wrist, squeezing hard and holding him there. Holding him here with her.

“Cassian…”

“My mate,” Cassian whispers, his words slightly slurred. “Safe.”

Cassian’s eyes flutter closed, and then he’s slumping forward, Nesta just barely able to brace him and the dead weight before his face makes contact with the stone floor of the cave.

��Shit,” Nesta whispers to herself, giving Cassian’s shoulder a shake but he doesn’t move or make a sound. “Shit shit shit… Okay… Okay.”

Nesta closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, steadying herself and willing her thundering heart to calm. She can do this. She has to do this. With a determined nod, Nesta pushes back up to her feet. She goes over to where she dropped their packs, rooting around in Cassian’s until she finds his flint. She finds fuel in one of the baskets tucked along the far wall of the cave, stacking them in the makeshift fire pit the way she’s seen the other members of the tribe do before.

It takes a few strikes of the flint, but finally, Nesta is able to get sparks. She holds her breath until the sparks grow into proper flames, the orangey glow quickly filling the cave. She grabs their waterskins next, stepping just outside of the cave and filling them both with snow before setting them above the now crackling fire to melt. It takes some tugging on Nesta’s part, but she’s able to drag the heavy privacy screen in place over the cave entrance, trapping the warmth from the fire in with them.

Nesta uses the first waterskin to pour the now melted water over her hands and clean them, and then she turns back to Cassian and his wounds. She frowns and tilts her head, trying to determine the best next steps. She doesn’t exactly have a first aid kit handy on this planet. She decides to reach for her furs, untying them from her pack.

She takes Cassian’s knife and slices the furs into strips, cutting the final strip into squares. She crushes some soap berries into the waterskin and dips the first square of fur into the sudsy water. She keeps her touch careful and gentle as she cleans each of Cassian’s wounds. Amazingly, some of the more shallow scratches have already begun to heal, his khui clearly working hard and quickly.

She covers the worst of his wounds with the strips of fur, finding some twine in Cassian’s pack to tie the ones on his shoulder in place, then sits back on her haunches with a soft sigh. She only allows herself a moment before pushing back to her feet. She discards the now pile of bloody furs and dumps the dirty water. It takes some awkward maneuvering with Cassian’s large body, but Nesta is able to roll out his furs and get him into them.

He hasn’t moved or made a sound since he lost consciousness, but his chest continues to move up and down with each breath, and when Nesta presses the palm of her hand there, she can feel the beat of his heart beneath her fingertips. With nothing to keep her hands or her mind busy anymore, it’s hard to stop the dark thoughts that swirl and roll in like storm clouds. A lump presses in against her throat, her stomach churning as she grips at the leathers of her clothing until her knuckles turn white. She has no idea if she’s done enough, no idea if Cassian will be able to heal, if he’ll even wake up. And she has no idea where they are. No idea how to contact anyone from the main cave to get help.

“Please don’t die on me,” Nesta whispers, brushing the dark strands of Cassian’s hair out of his face. “You can’t die on me, you stupid alien, you hear me?”

Nesta holds vigil until exhaustion sinks into her limbs and threatens to tug her under. Until her eyelids start to droop and she has to shake herself to keep them open. She curls up beside Cassian, keeping her hand firmly on his chest, on his still beating heart. She allows the assurance that, for now, he’s okay to wash over her, allows the steady thrum under her hand to finally lull her to sleep.

It’s the cold beneath her hands that she feels first. Cold and hard, and when she curls her fingers, it’s the distinct feel of metal beneath her touch. In a second, her eyes snap open, taking in the white, clinical walls, the various metal panels, the flashing lights. Fear grips her tight enough that Nesta swears she’s being burned from the inside out by its icy grip. She opens her mouth, tries to scream, but all there is is a lump pressing into her throat.

Nesta tries to sit up, tries to clamber off the table, but she can’t seem to get her limbs to work. It’s like she’s pinned down, like she’s paralyzed, and that fear turns into a full blown panic, clawing at her chest and leaving it heaving. She thrashes her head, trying to escape, but as she turns to the right, she realizes she’s not alone in this room.

Cassian is sprawled across the floor, and it takes Nesta a moment too long to realize that his eyes are staring unblinking up at the ceiling, that his chest isn’t moving. In fact, the longer she stares, the more gashes that seem to appear across his skin, blood gurgling and pooling beneath him. Nesta thrashes harder against her invisible restraints, tries desperately to reach for him as the familiar sting at the back of his eyes blurs her vision.

Nesta wakes with a jolt, Cassian’s name weighing heavy on the tip of her tongue. Her heart pounds between her ribs, squeezing and twisting in a way that leaves a steady ache. Her stomach roils, and she’s confident that if she had anything in her gut, she’d have lost it. Her breath still heaves out of her as she turns her attention to Cassian, but he hasn’t moved, his condition still the same as before she fell asleep.

She lets out a quiet breath and lays back down beside him, tries to lull herself back under, but sleep does not come easily, and it’s fitful for the rest of the night. By the time pale morning light starts to creep into the cave around the privacy screen, she feels more exhausted than any sort of rested. Her chest still aches like a festering wound, her limbs heavy as she shifts and stretches.

But Nesta still pulls herself up. She slides the back of her hand along Cassian’s temple and cheek, and she frowns at the way his skin feels warm, like he’s practically radiating heat. Does that mean he has a fever? That his wounds are infected? How is she supposed to know what the normal temperature of an alien is? She peels back each of the strips of fur to check, but almost all of his wounds have closed up, even the worst of them scabbed over.

“Cassian,” Nesta tries, gently shaking his shoulder.

Cassian lets out a quiet groan, a soft murmur that Nesta can’t quite make out what he’s saying, but she decides any sound is a good sign. She quickly adds more fuel and stokes the fire back to life, tugging the privacy screen back enough that she can reach a hand out and pack more snow into a waterskin, melting it down. She adds soap berries and takes the time to reclean all of Cassian’s wounds, carefully laying the strips of fur back in place and tucking him back in.

By the time Nesta has finished, her stomach seems set on being louder than even her khui, and she knows she’ll need to venture out of the safety of the cave. She grabs Cassian’s knife and keeps it poised in her hand as she slowly pulls back the privacy screen the rest of the way and peeks her head outside. When she’s sure the coast is clear, she steps out properly into the snow and the two suns already sitting high in the sky.

Nesta knows that the hunters have caches near each of the caves. She knows that she just needs to find the tree that has the markings in the bark to indicate where this cave’s cache is. She heads for the tree line, making sure she keeps the cave in her line of sight at all times as she wanders through the snow. Her eyes scan the different trunks until she finally spots the one with knife markings on it. She drops to her knees and digs through the snow until she finds a quillbeast buried there, tugging it free and piling the snow back on top of the cache.

It’s messy and imperfect, skinning the quillbeast when she makes it back to the hunter cave, and it takes much longer than Nesta thought it would but she makes it work. She cooks the meat over the fire and nibbles on the pieces, occasionally glancing toward Cassian to check on him. She’s going to need a proper plan soon. A long term plan soon.

But for right now, all Nesta can think about is how gross she feels. The trek to the Elder cave and everything that’s happened since then hasn’t exactly lent itself to the opportunity to bathe and she’s certainly feeling it. Her braid is practically crusted over with grease, and there’s a layer of grime and sweat clinging to her skin that has her nose scrunching in distaste.

She clambers up to her feet, grabbing one of the waterskins and making for the cave entrance. Darkness has started to creep in outside, and Nesta swears she can feel eyes staring at her from behind the tree line. It has her shuttering, memories of the metlaks still fresh in her mind. She makes quick work of packing the waterskin with snow and securing the privacy screen firmly back in place, some of the tension finally loosening from her shoulders when she’s sat safely back at the fire.

She sets the waterskin above the fire to melt the snow and gets started on her hair while she waits, tugging the leather strap free and carefully unwinding the strands. She digs a bone comb out of her pack and uses it to work through the tangles. By the time she finishes, the snow has melted and the water has warmed, so she crushes up some soap berries, lathering up her hair and carefully rinsing the strands.

Just that one thing already has her feeling infinitely better, but she peels off her shirt and sets it aside. She uses the spare squares of fur to scrub and rinse down her arms, along her shoulders, across her collarbones. Her khui begins to sing loudly in her chest, sending vibrations skittering through her veins, heat creeping up her spine, and her hands pause their movements. A shudder takes over her body, her breath catching in her throat, as if it knows what’s happening before her mind catches up.

She didn’t even hear him get up. Didn’t hear him move across the cave and closer to her. But now she can hear the way his own khui answers the song of her own, can feel the warmth radiating off him as much as the fire in front of her.

Despite his overly large hands, Cassian’s touch is surprisingly gentle. The tips of his fingers whisper across her exposed shoulder, tracing shapes and patterns along the skin. Nesta can feel her heart starting to trip over itself between her ribs, can hear her damn khui practically screaming away, but she can’t find it within herself to move away from him, can scarcely breathe. Goosebumps bloom down her arm at his touch, and she hates it.

She hates his tenderness and his kindness and the fact she doesn’t deserve it. She hates the way their khuis sing and twine together, filling the space of the cave around them. She hates the way she wants to lean back into him, to give in until she’s consumed. But, instead, she stares resolutely at the shadows cast across the cave walls from the fires, focusing on anything other than this big, blue alien and his intense stares and his easy smiles and his charming words and his boisterous laughter and his stupid gentle touches to her shoulder.

She tries to focus on being back on that spaceship with her sisters, back to what she left behind on earth. Tries to focus on every barely sutured wound, every chink in her armor weighing her down and promising to pull her under. Tries to focus on the sorry bruised and battered state of her heart, not even close to worthy of being offered over.

Cassian switches his attention to her other shoulder, fingers still tracing those soft, aimless patterns. The shuddering breath that tumbles past Nesta’s lips sounds too loud even to her own ears, but his touches don’t falter, and she swallows hard, forcing herself to find her voice again.

“Freckles,” she breathes, turning her head enough that she can meet his gaze. It’s a mistake, their faces now close together, but she pushes on anyway. “They’re places where the skin goes darker. Often from the sun.”

“Free-kels,” Cassian repeats, his brows dipping as he focuses on speaking the word.

Nesta snorts amusedly at the pronunciation attempt. “Close enough.”

Cassian drops his gaze back to her shoulder, his fingers resuming their movements. “Your sisters have them too.”

“Yes. Feyre on her nose, and Elain on her cheeks. I have mine on my shoulders.”

“I like them.”

He says the words so genuinely, almost reverently, and Nesta’s heart gives a traitorous squeeze in her chest. That tightness only seems to grow when Cassian shifts his head, his mouth brushing along the same path his fingers had traced moments before. Nesta closes her eyes, letting the feeling wash over her, but her eyes snap back open again when Cassian’s hand skates across her cheek. She blinks in surprise at the tear he caught, not even realizing it had slipped free.

“I’m sorry,” Cassian murmurs, shifting away from her.

The loss of his presence and his warmth is jarring, the cold seeping in around her and sinking its claws into her. She wraps her arms tightly around herself, her bottom lip finding home between her teeth.

“I had this boyfriend back on earth,” Nesta begins, her voice quiet. She’s not sure where the need to tell him comes from, but once she starts, the words continue to flow out of her. “Sort of like a pleasure mate, I guess. But he was… cruel. He was awful. He made me feel weak. And when I finally left him, I swore to myself that I would never feel weak again. But I did. On that spaceship. Waking up there and seeing Elain and Feyre and knowing there was nothing I could do to save them. That I couldn’t save them. I felt just as powerless again. I want to stop feeling weak and powerless.”

Cassian reaches across the space between them, settling his hand overs and stopping her from twisting her fingers into knots. “I could train you, if you want. Teach you how to use our hunting weapons, so you can always protect yourself. So you will always feel strong.”

For a moment, Nesta can do nothing but stare at him, her heart lodged firmly in her throat and tangling with the words there. This is a ledge, one that she can’t come back from if she steps off it, and the ground is shaky beneath her feet. If Cassian picks up on her trepidation, he doesn’t let on. He merely watches her quietly, patiently, his thumb sliding almost soothingly along the back of her hand.

“And what if I decide to use those skills to fight you?” Nesta teases lightly, hoping to steer the conversation back to familiarity, to steady footing.

“Then I would know that I trained you well,” Cassian tells her sincerely. “I would be proud of you.”

Nesta pulls her hands free from Cassian’s touch, turning her attention fully back to the fire. “You should be resting. You shouldn’t be up. You’re still healing.”

Cassian lets out a soft sigh, but Nesta can’t bear to turn and look at him, to see the expression she’s sure is on his face. She hears him move away, the shuffles as he moves back toward the furs. She bites her lip to keep it from trembling, grabbing her shirt and yanking it back on.

“What is your plan then?” Cassian asks from behind her. “We will have to go back to the main cave.”

“I know,” Nesta murmurs, curling her knees up against her chest.

“Rhys is a good leader. He will not force… it will be your choice, but we will not be able to keep it a secret any longer. Everyone will know that we have resonated.”

“Maybe just you should go back to the cave then. Then, no one will know your mate is the scary one.”

“You think that is what I wish?”

Nesta lets out a dry, mocking laugh, whirling around to face him. “It’s what you should want. There’s something wrong with me.”

Cassian frowns, tilting his head curiously. “Are you well, Nes? We will have Madja speak with your khui. We will fix it.”

“You don’t get it,” Nesta huffs frustrated, barely stopping her eye roll. “You can’t fix it. They can’t even fix it back on earth. It’s… it’s inside my head. In my mind.”

Cassian’s expression is pained as he watches her, like his own heart is breaking at the admission. He hesitates for a second before closing the distance between them again, his hands reaching up to frame her face. He presses his forehead against hers, each touch so gentle, so caring, and Nesta’s vision starts to blur.

“Then tell me how I can help. Tell me how to ease this pain in your head.”

Nesta shakes her head, swallowing down a choked sob before it can escape. “I’m telling you. You can’t. I’m broken.”

“I refuse to believe that,” Cassian tells her fiercely, his thumbs catching every tear that slips free and slides down her cheeks. “Because there is nothing broken to fix.”

“You just don’t understand,” Nesta scoffs.

“And you do not see what I see. I know that you are hurting. That these males in your past have hurt you. But I see how you still walk with your head held high. You are still so strong. I see how fiercely you care for your sisters, that you would do anything for them. I see everything that you do at the cave and everything that you are doing now, and I am honored that my khui has chosen you as my mate.”

Nesta pulls her face free from Cassian’s grip, scrubbing the back of her hand against her cheeks. “I thought I told you to rest.”

“You need to rest too.”

“I will.”

Cassian scrutinizes her for a moment, but when he finally seems satisfied with what he sees, he nods his head. He moves back over to the furs, but rather than slip beneath them, he begins to rearrange them, fluffing them up, preparing them.

“What are you doing?” Nesta demands even though she already knows the answer. “Cassian.”

“I will not have my mate be cold,” Cassian explains, as if it’s that simple, shifting the furs closer to the fire.

“I’m not the one who’s injured. You’re still healing.”

“I do not care.”

Nesta rolls her eyes at that, crossing her arms across her chest. “Gods, you can be so stubborn, did you know that?”

“Then we are evenly matched,” Cassian tells her, meeting her gaze head on.

Nesta sighs, already knowing she’s going to regret this. “Fine. We can share. Then everyone wins. Just… just don’t make it weird.”

Cassian’s expression betrays nothing, but he gestures toward the furs for her to go first. With another roll of her eyes, Nesta moves and slips beneath the furs. She shifts as far to the edge as she can, keeping her back to Cassian as he clambers beneath the furs beside her. She relaxes once he’s settled, but it’s short lived when his arms reach out and curl around her, tugging her back into his chest.

“Cassian,” Nesta warns between clenched teeth.

“I am not making it weird. I am merely helping to keep you warm.”

It's a lie and they both know it. Especially with the way his hand flexes against her waist, his arms tightening. As though he's afraid she'll disappear on him, as though he's desperate to keep her here in his embrace just a little bit longer. And maybe Nesta should call him out on it, maybe it makes her selfish, but she allows herself to sink back into him, allows her eyes to flutter closed, allows his warmth and the security of his arms around her and the steady beat of his heart at her back lull her into blissful sleep.

—

Taglist (let me know if you’d like to be added or removed): @moodymelanist @nesquik-arccheron @sv0430 @talkfantasytome @bookstantrash @eirini-thaleia @ubigaia @fromthelibraryofemilyj @luivagr-blog @lifeisntafantasy @superspiritfestival @hiimheresworld @marigold-morelli @sweet-pea1 @emeriethevalkyriegirl @pyxxie @dustjacketmusings @hallway5 @dongjunma @glowing-stick-generation @melonsfantasyworld @isterofimias @goddess-aelin @melphss @theladystardust @a-trifling-matter @blueunoias @kookskoocie @wolfnesta @blurredlamplight @hereforthenessian @skaixo @jmoonjones @burningsnowleopard @whyisaravenlike-awritingdesk @ofduskanddreams @rarephloxes @thelovelymadone @books-books-books4ever @tenaciousdiplomatloverprune @that-little-red-head @readergalaxy @thesnugglingduck @kale-theteaqueen @tarquindaddy

#nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #acotar #acosf #nessian fanfiction #nessian fic #nesta x cassian #IPB AU #my fic

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elkieanddoppo · 4 months ago

Text

warning: messy plot

dooming the least doomable dazai ship is actually crazy but it happened....

"Two birds on a wire. One tries to fly away. And the other,, watches him close from that wire. He says he wants to aswell but he's just a liar."

Kunikida and Dazai both promised to each other that they'll stay alive. As surprising at it sounds, yes, Dazai agreed to the promise.

Dazai had to leave for Mersault. Because his plans will start there. But then he was killed by his former partner, Chuuya Nakahara. Or did he actually die?

No. It was still a part of his plan.

He didn't die. He continued with his 'fight' with Fyodor until he successfully 'defeated' him.

Did I say successfully? Actually, Fyodor's ability states that when he dies, he'll transform into the person who killed him. And in this case, it was Bram, the Lord of the Undead.

Bram was back in Yokohama when he felt the chill. He knows what's happening. He pushed Aya who was beside him and told her to run away. However, she didn't get a chance to when Fyodor suddenly took over his body.

Timeskip when Fyodor and Ame-no-gozen were against three ADA members, Tanizaki, Kunikida, and the late-comer Atsushi. They were no match for the other two, Kunikida thought. So that's when he thought of a plan. The kids should run away while he's distracting this... creature.

And so he did exactly that.

The ame-no-gozen pierced his sword right into Kunikida's chest.

As he fades away, he said these lines:

"I'm sorry, Osamu. I couldn't keep my promise. But don't worry, my ideals will live on. Please take care of it and yourself. Please do not follow me into the afterlife. I love you."

As Dazai finally arrived, he immediately searched for any of the ADA members. He spotted atsushi running towards his direction.

"Atsushi, where is everyone?"

"D-dazai-san! You're back...! I... The president is somewher among these boulders. He said he's gonna rest for a minute, also said to let him be as he's mourning.... So i ran towards here and i.... well um idk where the others are... tanizaki and... kunikida though... tanizaki went for the ame-no-gozen, i couldnt stop him from running away from me. i tried to catch up to him but well.... im sorry."

"... you tried your best, atsushi." dazai said as he pat the younger's head. "where's kunikida then?"

atsushi's breathe hitched. he lowered his head as he tried his best not to cry. he gets a notebook from his pocket and gave it to the brunette.

"im so sorry, dazai-san... he- kunikida-san is...." atsushi let his tears flow as dazai took the notebook from his hands. it had ideals written on the front. this was kunikida's notebook. where is he. please dont tell him...

"no. please stop joking, atsushi..." dazai felt his tears fall. he didnt even bother wiping it. showing weakness, be damned.

"im sorry. im sorry i couldnt protect him. dazai sannnn" atsushi cried.

hes gone.

hes gone

HES GONE

HIS BELOVED PARTNER

HIS LOVER IS GONE

he.. he promised... he promised he wont die....

then dazai screamed. screamed so loud that chuuya has to run up to him and comfort him.

he couldnt stop crying.

whats the point of even living anymore.

without kunikida, he's nothing.

without kunikida, dazai osamu is just a broken doll.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd kunikida #bsd dazai #bsd kunikida doppo #kunizai #bsd dazai osamu #kunikidazai #kunikida doppo #kunikizai #angst #bsd angst #bsd chapter 117

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mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess · 2 years ago

Text

Missing

Part 2 here

Lan Wangji has been watching over Wei Ying's sleeping form for six hours now. He is exhausted, both with the aftermath of the night hunt he and his husband have just finished, as well as with having passed his usual bedtime with over three hours.

He has been checking Wei Ying's temperature and sending him spiritual energy every 15 minutes, playing him calming songs every hour. But Wei Ying has been unconscious and unresponsive all throughout it, ever since the rogue cultivators they found as culprits behind several crimes had casted something that had Wei Ying scream in pain and faint.

Lan Wangji killed them in cold blood for that - after they kept refusing to tell him what they'd done and how to fix ir. Inquiry later revealed they used a curse they'd never casted before and so they knew nothing of its effects save for the fact that it was incurable.

As the seventh hour ticked by, Wei Ying finally stirred, his face scrunching in pain as he opened his eyes. Lan Zhan has been holding his hand for a while, and couldn't help leaving a kiss on the soft knuckles. "Wei Ying."

But when Wei Ying's eyes turned to meet his, there was not the love and mischief that Lan Wangji has grown to be so fond of. Instead, there was shock, followed by fear, as Wei Ying pulled his hand away harshly and scrambled to the furthest side of the bed.

"Where have you taken me?! What is this place?!"

Lan Wangji looks at him, at first confused, then downright terrified as realization begins dawning on him.

"Wei Ying, you're not making sense, we're back at the inn-"

He's speaking quickly, in a raised tone, panicked to the extent that it seems to have summoned resentful energy to guard him. "Inn?! What inn?! How long have I been unconscious?! What have you done to me?!"

Lan Wangji wants to reach out to him, he's so scared and Lan Wangji just wants to comfort him. "Wei Ying-"

His eyes dart around the room. "My-my flute, where is Chenqing- and the amulet-"

Lan Wangji is cannot stop shaking as he hands Wei Ying the flute. This cannot be real. This has to be an illusion, a trick of the mind, a curse.

"And the-"

"The stygian tiger amulet has been destroyed." Lan Wangji explains, straining his voice so it comes out level and he doesn't scare Wei Ying any further.

"What?! How?!"

"You destroyed it..." a deep breath, "13 years ago."

Wei Ying pales. "13...13 years ago? All this time... have... have I just been here?"

Lan Wangji tries to hide a pained look, swallows a hard lump in his throat. "Wei Ying, you... died."

"I...I died?" He doesn't seem too troubled at that, not until his brain catches up to him, and his voice comes out strained with the realization, "Then it means that everyone else... died with me."

Lan Wangji's vision is starting to become blurry, so he closes his eyes as he speaks. "A-Yuan is the only survivor, I found him in the Burial Mounds when I came to look for you - for your body. He is a Lan disciple now. Lan Sizhui."

Several minutes of silence pass. Lan Wangji stays motionless and doesn't open his eyes. He knows he will cry if he does.

"Why..." Wei Ying begins, again, unsure, scared still, "why am I here then? How?"

"You were summoned through a soul sacrificing ritual in the body of a young man, Mo Xuanyu..."

The resentful energy conjured in the room subsides. Wei Ying has calmed down somewhat, and he has finally put Chenqing down. "You...you look like you want to cry, Lan Zhan. I'm sorry, I just... don't remember anything..."

Lan Wangji finally opens his eyes, and lets himself look at Wei Ying. His Wei Ying that doesn't know is his. "You cannot even remember that we...that we are marrried?"

Disbelief, shock and then a flush pass through Wei Ying's expressuon. "Oh. That's - wow. That's unexpected. I never really gave much thought to- I guess I never did get around much exploring either..." he looks down, "... are-are we... in love?"

Lan Wangji can barely speak. "Yes, we are."

"How-how about your sect? Surely your uncle-"

Lan Wangji has to look away again, and his eyes catch onto the red ribbon he's untied from Wei Ying's hair while he was asleep. "Uncle has no business interfering. Neither does anyone else. I never allowed anyone to."

"Where do we... live?"

"In the Cloud Recesses." He hears Wei Ying take a sharp breath at that, and continues. "You like teaching the juniors. They admire you immensely. Everybody else does not bother you, and I have made sure you are being treated with the respect you deserve."

Wei Ying seems unsure of what to say and he's busying himself with braiding Chenqing's tassel as he takes the new information in. He feels like he knows all of this, yet it's all news to him. He feels like he loves Lan Zhan but he's not sure how. He feels like himself but also like a stranger on whose life he's intruded and taken over.

"Am I..." he begins, and takes a few seconds to find the right word, "...happy?"

Lan Wangji feels the question stab through him like an arrow, the hopeful yet hopeless tone of it. "What?"

"In this life that you're telling me about, this life I can't remember... am I happy?"

"You always tell me that you are. You look happy, you act happy..." he can't keep his tears in any longer. "I... hope you are."

He hears Wei Ying sniffle quietly. "You've changed, Lan Zhan." And Wei Ying moves close enough to touch the hand he's so harshly pushed away moments before. "You really are someone I'd fall in love with."

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wangxian #writing attempts

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ssa-atlas-alvez · 2 years ago

Text

Picture Perfect Family

Warnings: death of a pregnant woman (and the fetus - although is referred to as a baby during the fic), emergency c-section, mentions of torture, blood, held hostage, reader holds baby and woman’s hand, that bit is quite sad by the way, hospitals, death, crying

Word count: 4449

A/N: This was the sad one I kept going on about. Oh, also Amy is 14, Jake is 12, Ethan is 8, and Maisie is 6.

“Alright! Everyone, into the car!” You exclaim, clapping loudly. You smiled as your youngest two children rushed past you, cheering and giggling loudly. You two eldest however, huffed as they stood up, making their way to the car.

“Why do we have to leave so early? We could just get the bus,” You second eldest, Jake, asked as he walked past.

“I like it! It means we can play longer and see all our friends!” The twelve year old rolled his eyes at his younger brother, Ethan.

“Don’t roll your eyes at your brother,” You sighed, “Come on, we can talk about the bus later, okay?” You breathed out a sigh of relief when Jake nodded. “Alright, into the car,”

Your youngest, Maisie, runs back to you, hugging your legs, “Don’t worry daddy, I like the car too!”

“Alright, sweet pea, back into the car you go,” You say, leaning down and sweeping her into your arms, “We don’t want you to be late now, do we?” Maisie shook her head. “Amy, come on, we’re going to be late!”

Your eldest, Amy, walked out of the house, bag slung over her shoulder as she typed on her phone. “What have I told you about phones in the morning?”

“Sorry dad,” Amy grins, pecking your cheek before getting into the car.

“It’s alright sweetheart,” You call after her before sighing. “Anna?”

“Yes babe?” Your wife, Anna, waddles into the room, one hand on her stomach, the other on her lower back, “Everyone ready?”

“Yep,” You answer, proud grin, you peck her cheek, "I've got everything under control."

A scream and a sob came from the car. "Except that, one moment," You say as you jog out the door, "kids? Everything okay?"

"Jake took my toy!"

"It's mine!"

"Hey, don't make me keep it for Chloe," You threaten lightly, both you and the children knowing you would never.

"I thought her name was Charlotte,"

"That's because it is," Anna chimed, appearing behind you, you jumped, placing a hand on your chest.

"Jesus," You muttered, "No, I'm pretty sure she's a Chloe."

"What would you know?" Anna challenged, "She's not growing inside you," You simply give her a look, she rolls her eyes. "If you don't leave now, you'll be late,"

You looked at the time with wide eyes, "Shi- Snickerdoodles!" Ethan and Maise both giggle loudly, “Hey, don’t laugh at your dad or he’ll drink all the chocolate milk before you get back,” At their gasps you add an evil laugh.

“Get in the car you goof,” Anna laughs, pecking your lips quickly. “Or you’ll be late.”

“Yes Ma’am!” You say, giving her a smile before hopping into the car (hitting your head as you did) - she still managed to make you act like a drunk-in-love teenage boy. Even after all these years.

When you dropped the kids off to school, you made it to the BAU in record time, you sighed, placing your bag on the floor and letting yourself fall into your chair.

“We’ve got a case,” Garcia said, walking quickly to the round table room, “It’s a bad one,”

Everyone shot up quickly, following Garcia into the round table room, sitting in their respective seats. You got up relatively slowly, ignoring Morgan and Emily snorting at you, JJ gave you a sympathetic look, “Long morning?”

“I’m on school runs,” You answered, trying your best not to yawn, the pair of you joined the rest of the team, sitting at the round table.

“This sick s.o.b is abducting women and torturing them for a day - it was originally three days but he’s devolving,” Garcia said, clicking the remote so the respected photos come up, “He then calls their significant other and gives them an address so they can try to save her. The significant others get there before they pass, however the wounds are always too extensive and so nothing can be done and they pass before the EMTs get there,”

Your stomach clenches when you imagine yourself in their position. You shove the thought out of your head and focus back on the case. “Where’s the case?”

“Right here,”

It had been kind of a bust so far, it had been a day and you had pretty much nothing. None of the leads you had found led to anything that could be used, at the end of the day, you all sighed, getting ready to head home for a few hours of sleep before starting afresh. “A body just turned up,”

You didn’t get home until three, Anna and the kids fast asleep. You sighed, making your way into bed, if you were lucky, you’d get two and a half hours sleep before you’d have to wake up to prepare everything before the kids woke up at six.

You repeated the same routine as yesterday but with less energy, as the kids all sat eating breakfast, Anna wrapped her arms around you, “What time did you get in?” She asked softly.

“Three,” You mumbled, turning around and resting your head on her shoulder, taking in her scent. “I do love you,” You mutter, she gives a small laugh.

“You’re delirious,”

“Deliriously in love with you,”

“That doesn’t even make any sense.”

“It does to me,”

“Stop procrastinating and drive the kids to school,” Anna laughed, giving you a gentle shove towards the door.

“I love you!” You exclaim as you shoo the children out of the house and into the care.

Soon enough, you're back at work. “You look like hell,” Morgan chuckled when you walked into the bullpen.

“You do the school run for four kids with a pregnant wife on two and a half hours sleep,” You defended, gratefully taking the cup of coffee off of Reid and immediately taking a sip despite it burning your tongue.

Three leads later, you still had next to nothing. You groaned, placing your head on the table, checking your phone for any messages from Anna. Nothing. You tried your best to ignore the feeling forming in your stomach and put the phone down and don’t pick it up again until lunch time. You tried phoning twice at lunch, then tried two more times half an hour after lunch on two fake toilet breaks (you think the team was starting to think you had eaten something dodgy) and still nothing.

“Anna, hey,” You sigh into the phone yet again for the sixth time in the last hour and a half. “I just want to check in and make sure you’re okay, please let me know, I love you… This is (Y/N) by the way, alright, love you, bye,” You hung up the phone, tapping it against your palm before heading over to Hotch.

“Everything okay?” He asked when you approached him.

“It’s probably nothing, but Anna’s not been answering her phone,” You answer.

“Alright,” Hotch says with a nod, “How about you go pick your kids up from school and check on them and you can check up on Anna as well?”

You nodded, thankful he suggested that, “Thank you,” You said, he gave a small smile as he nodded.

“Of course,” He answered. You walked back to your desk, grabbing your bag and making a beeline to your car.

You make pickup on time and your kids all smile widely at you when they see you waiting. They’re all in the car, buckled in and you start driving. The phone rings when you’re about five minutes into the forty minute drive, and you answer it, placing it against your ear after quickly glancing at the name.

“Anna? Thank god, are you okay?” Silence. “Anna?”

“That’s her name, huh? She did tell me, but I thought she was lying.” Your blood runs cold.

“Who is this?”

“What?” Your voice is hoarse.

“Not important.” The man’s voice sounds through the phone.

"You're the unsub we've been looking for, aren't you?" You ask quietly, not wanting your children to hear.

"Yes."

"Let me take her place." You say, "Surely that's more satisfying, an FBI agent, hm?"

"I find this so much more gratifying,"

"Please let me take her place."

“Its too late, your wife is currently bleeding out.”

“She’s in the warehouse on third street.” He said. “Better hurry.”

When the line goes dead, you immediately dial Hotch. He picks up after the second ring. “Hotch, I need you to go to this address, Amy’s sending it through to you now, as well as the phone number he used in case Garcia can track it. He took her, I’ve got the kids in the car, I can’t drop them off anywhere. I’m parking round the block, I’m going to need one of you to get them while I go to Anna,”

“(Y/N), no,” Hotch ordered, “You need to stay where you are.”

“Hotch, I’m not not going to her,” You snap, you don’t have time for this. “I don’t have time for this. Go to the address.” And with that, you hang up and step on the accelerator. Within minutes, you’ve arrived close to the address, you’d go the rest of the way (only a few meters on foot, you didn’t want the children near the unsub, near danger, just in case). You kill the engine.

“I need you all to listen to me,” You turned, facing your children, a serious look on your face. “I need you all to stay in the car, alright? The team is on their way, I want you all to hide in the back, do not move until one of the team is here - the ones you know, alright? Derek, Hotch, JJ, Penelope, Spencer, Rossi, Emily, okay? Do you understand me?”

Amy sniffed, nodding, “We understand,”

“Okay, take the keys, lock yourselves in,” You said, swallowing as you hand Amy the key, “Take care of each other, stay quiet, and I love you, alright?” When they nod, you give them one more reassuring smile before getting out of the car, shutting the door behind you, not leaving until you hear the reassuring click of the locks.

Grabbing your gun, you began to jog towards the warehouse. You made sure to watch your step as you weaved in and out of the shelves. Eventually, you hit an opening where the stairs stopped. About ten feet of space was left in the room. About two feet ahead of you lay a body. A figure, motionless on the floor.

Your blood ran cold, no no no, please don't be her. Anyone but her, god, please. You come to a standstill when you reach the body, falling to your knees, pulling her frame close to yours. Her body limp. Your eyes widened seeing various wounds seeping with blood. You needed to put pressure on the wound - wounds. You shrugged your jacket off, balling it up and pressed it against the wounds tightly. Your heart dropped when she didn’t seem to notice.

"Baby?" You asked softly, "Baby please," When her eyes fluttered open, you forced yourself to smile - wiping away your tears that fell onto her pale cheeks. “Hey, there’s those eyes,” You whispered with a smile.

“(Y/N)?” Anna mumbled, looking up at you. Her face was red, neck had a deep bruise along it. You felt anger surge in the bottom of your stomach as you made out the unsub’s handprint. You flicked your eyes back up to Anna’s.

“Yeah baby, it’s me,”

“It hurts,” She whimpered quietly.

“I know, I know it does baby,” You whisper, planting a soft kiss on her head. “I know, but medics are on their way, you just need to hold on, okay?” Anna let out a hum as she nodded.

Anna cried out in pain as she shifted, “I know, I know, I’ve got you,” You mumbled, her arms reached for your hand squeezing it desperately. “I’ve got you,”

“You’ve ‘lways got me,” Anna hummed.

“Yeah, baby, I’ve always got you,” You mutter, “I’ve always got you, I’ll never let you go, you hear me? Never.”

Your head shot up to look at Morgan and Hotch as they run in, “How far out are they?”

“Six minutes,” Hotch answered grimly. She wouldn’t make it that long. You took a breath, looking back down at Anna.

“Anna? Darling, I need you to hold on for six more minutes,” You whispered.

“I can’t,” She replied softly, eyes already beginning to flutter shut again. “‘M so tired,”

“I know,” You replied, “But you can sleep when you get to the hospital after they’ve fixed you up, you just need to hang on until then, okay?”

“Hmm,” Anna gave a small hum.

“Anna? Anna, I need you to open your eyes for me, baby?” You said softly, gently shaking her shoulder, “Come on Anna, please. Six more minutes, just six more minutes baby, okay?”

“Dad?” Your head snapped up, Amy, your eldest daughter. Not yet even fifteen, clutching her eight year old brother’s hand in her left and her six year old sister’s in the right, Jake, barely twelve years old, also holding Maisie’s hand.

“Dad, what happened?” Jake spoke next. Your mouth was dry. What were you supposed to say?

“Daddy, is mummy okay?” Maisie’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts.

“Get them out of here,” You mumbled, head snapping to Hotch and Morgan, “Get them out of here, now!” The pair had already begun to guide them all out of the room, your children protesting loudly. You dropped your head to your chest, a tear falling before you sniffed and blinked, focusing back on your wife. “Anna? Can you hear me? I need you to last a few minutes. Just a few more-” You reach a hand up, gently stroking her face, “Please baby, I can’t do this without you.”

Anna’s eyes flickered open and she smiled softly at you, reaching a hand up, she stroked the skin underneath your eye, “You’ve got such pretty eyes,” She muttered, voice pained, “Love you,” Your eyes widened when the hand on your cheek went limp, falling to her chest.

“Sir? Sir, I need you to move,” Your head snapped up. Paramedics. You nodded, scrambling up.

“Er, female, thirty five, multiple wounds, um- she-”

“It’s okay, your colleagues filled us in.” One of the paramedics said, before turning to Anna.

“Save her. Please.”

“We’ll do everything we can.”

“Please.” You say once more. “I can’t do this without her.”

A hand gently rests on your shoulder, “Let’s give them some space to work.” Hotch. You nod, letting him guide you out of the room, into the one next door. He knew you wouldn’t be able to be level headed with your children for a moment. “Just let it all out, whatever you need to do, do it.” He said, “I’ll be outside.” He knew not to leave you alone right now, but wanted to give you the space you needed.

When he’s gone you collapse onto the floor, now that you were alone, your strength had immediately left you. You just sit there, for a minute. You could still feel the warmth of her hand, her blood soaked your hands and your clothes. How were you supposed to talk to your kids like this? You wipe the blood off your hands, onto your shirt.

When you emerge from the room, Hotch looks at you softly, “I’ll drive you to the hospital,”

You don’t argue, simply nodding and whispering a thank you as you begin to follow him out of the building. “Can I borrow your jacket?” You ask hesitantly, “I don’t want the kids to see-” You motion to the blood on your shirt. Hotch nods and immediately shrugs it off, handing it to you with a small smile. You quickly throw it on and zip it up, you needed to see your kids. They’re all sat in the back of a separate ambulance, all huddled together with a blanket wrapped around them all. Guilt pangs at your chest. You should be there, comforting them.

JJ leaves their side, leaving them in the protection of Morgan and heads over to you and Hotch. You give a weak smile as she approaches you. “JJ, can- can you and Garcia watch them?” You say, running a hand over your face. “I’ll talk to them, but then I need to- I need to go to the hospital,”

“Hey,” JJ says softly, placing a hand on your arm, “Of course we’ll watch them.” She turns her gaze to Hotch, “Keep us updated.” Hotch gives her a nod.

You take a deep breath before heading over to your children, the two younger ones are crying and you can tell Amy and Jake are trying to keep it together for their younger siblings. Morgan leaves you, knowing that this is a private family moment, but he places a comforting hand on your shoulder as he passes you. “How is she?”

“We don’t know,” You answer honestly, “I’m heading to the hospital, you’re going to go with Aunty Penny and Aunty JJ, they’re going to look after you. But I’ll make sure you all know what’s going on, okay?”

“We’re not going with them-”

“We need to go with you-”

“I want mummy-”

“Where’s mummy-”

You take a sharp breath, “Hey, I know you want her, and you want to go,” You say softly, “But I don’t know how long it’s going to be before we know anything and you can’t all stay there,”

“It’s alright, dad,” Amy says, voice filled with anxiety, “We’ll go with Aunty Penny and Aunty JJ,”

“Thank you,” You reply, placing a kiss on each of their heads. “Uncle Aaron’s driving me to the hospital, I’ll call soon, okay?” When they nod, you turn to JJ who comes up to your children with a reassuring smile, ushering them all into your car. Handing her the keys, you give her a small thank you before you head over to Hotch.

The receptionist motions for you to wait in the waiting room, you’re not happy about it, but there’s not exactly anything you can do, so you take a seat whilst Hotch thanks her for her time and joins you. You’re a mess, leg constantly bouncing, biting at your nails, picking at your skin, anything you could do to try and manage your anxiety, you were doing. Hotch didn’t say anything, he simply let you cope however you needed to.

When the doctor arrives, half an hour later, you feel your stomach swirl. This was too soon, surely they’d take longer to do the surgery? He motions for you both to follow him, he leads you into a separate room, asking you to take a seat. You refuse with the shake of your head. No. You needed to stand, you couldn’t sit still right now. You watch as the doctor takes a deep breath.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” You can’t give yourself time to grieve. Not now.

You look up at the doctor, “And the baby?” The look he gives you feels suffocating, throat tightening. You felt like you couldn’t breathe. “Can I see her? Please.” He looks hesitant, but nods nonetheless.

“Before you do, we tried to save the baby, we performed an emergency c-section…” The doctor trails off, unsure how to continue.

“Am I able to see her too?”

“Of course.” Hotch gives you an encouraging nod, telling you he’d be right outside if you needed anything, you gave a small nod of thanks and then walked into the room.

Anna’s pale, laid neatly on the table. They’ve covered her, but the doctor pulls down the cloth so you can see her face and neck - stopping at her chest, and resting on her chest is your baby girl, laid softly. She looks peaceful, almost like she’s sleeping. The doctor turns to leave.

“Can I-” You pause for a moment, “Am I able to hold her?”

The doctor gives you a sympathetic smile and nods, explaining you’d need to wear an apron, mask, and gloves and you fumble these on as quickly as you can. You gather your baby, placing her on your chest as you sit down on a close by chair, supporting her head as you do. You move the cloth ever so slightly to reveal Anna’s hand, clutching it in yours, pulling a stool next to you - knowing that you would not be ready to leave her for a while.

“I am so sorry, baby,” Are the first words out of your mouth. “I tried to get there as soon as possible, I swear, I tried so fucking hard.” You press on, ignoring how it wavers. You needed to say this. She needs to know.

“The kids were in the car, I- I got to you as soon as I could, I tried to stop the bleeding, I tried everything- And I’m so so sorry you didn’t get to see the outside world, little one,” You say, rubbing your thumb in soothing circles over your baby’s back. “I’m so sorry, you would have been a force to be reckoned with and I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough to save you.”

You turned your gaze to the baby on your chest. “I know I wanted to name her Chloe, but you’re right, Charlotte is so much better.” You half expect Anna to laugh, pointing at you with a smirk exclaiming how she knew it, that she was right. “I think Charlotte is a beautiful name and suits her wonderfully. And I think she would have accomplished the most amazing things if she was given the chance.”

You sat in silence for a moment. “So much for saving others, huh?” You laugh bitterly, “I help save all these people but I couldn’t even save you.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough.” You don’t know how long it’s been, but it must have been a while.

“I have no idea what to tell the kids,” You mumble, “How do I tell them this? How can I even begin to explain what happened? What you went through? When I got the call I begged him to let you go, begging him to let me take your place. And they saw, they snuck past JJ and they saw you. I don’t know how much they saw, but they saw you and I’m so sorry, I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am, I tried so hard but fell short - yet again.”

More time passes before the door opens. “(Y/N)?” You turn to the voice.

“Would have thought you’d have gone home by now,” You comment quietly. Hotch shakes his head.

“Garcia phoned, they’re asking for you.”

“How- What do I even tell them? How do I even tell them?”

“I don’t know.”

You stand up, hesitant. You didn’t want to go. But you knew your other children needed you, Charlotte had her mother protecting her, she would be okay. You place her back on her mother’s chest. She’s clean, they both are. And so, you press a delicate kiss on each of their foreheads.

“Goodbye for now, I love you both so so much, and I am so so sorry.”

As you’re walking to the door, you’re trying desperately to stem the tears but you can’t find it in you to care too much. You rip the gloves, mask, and apron off and dump them in the nearest PPE bin before turning to Hotch. Hotch also insists on driving you back to your house, it only made sense considering you didn’t have your car with you.

You unlock the door, letting Hotch go in first. You’re procrastinating, he knows it and you know it. But he doesn’t say anything. You walk into the living room and JJ and Garcia leave with Hotch, making their way into the kitchen, probably to make some tea for the adults and some chocolate milk for the children.

You kneel down in front of them, taking a deep breath. “Mummy was really really hurt,” You began, ignoring how your voice breaks. Amy sniffs, already knowing where this was going. “And the doctors and nurses did everything they could, but she didn’t make it.”

“She’s not coming back?” Ethan asks softly.

You shake your head, “No, sweetheart, she’s not,”

“And Charlotte?” Amy asks, she always was one to take her mother’s side when it came to picking her siblings’ names. You turned your head towards her, she’s crying, they all are. You gently shake your head. Their crying turns louder until they’re sobbing.

“I know, I know,” You mumbled, gathering them all into your arms, “I know, I’ve got you,” You don’t let yourself cry yet. Not yet. You could grieve when you knew your children were okay. You had to make sure they were okay. One by one, the younger children start to drift to sleep, Maisie first, then Ethan, and then Jake. You turn to Amy, still sobbing gently into your shoulder, “I know,” You mumble, “I know,”

She sobs for a moment later before sitting up, facing you, she doesn’t bother to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “Dad?”

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

“It’s not your fault.” Her voice is strong, “This isn’t your fault.” You blink back the tears, taking in a deep breath.

“Thank you,” Your voice isn’t as strong and you pull her into her arms.

“We’ll manage,” She whispers, “It’ll be hard, but we’ll manage.”

Soon enough, Amy’s asleep too. You shift carefully, moving them one by one and soon, they’re all laid comfortably on the couch and you stand, making your way slowly to the kitchen. You needed something to drink, you were hungry but you don’t think you can manage anything to eat just yet. So you settle for orange juice.

You furrowed your eyebrows, seeing Hotch sat at the counter, reading something on his phone. “You should go home.” You mumble, walking past him and to the fridge.

“JJ and Garcia made tea but it’s probably cold by now,” He said softly, “They also made chocolate milk for the kids, I put it in the fridge when they left - they said sorry for leaving but Will was swamped with the kids and Garcia needed to feed Sergio.”

You give an awkward smile, “Thanks, for everything,” You say, turning to the fridge. Your breath leaves you for a moment when you see a note on the fridge from Anna:

‘Don’t forget lunch again, you doofus! Xx’

You knew you’d cry eventually, that it would catch up with you and when it did, it wouldn’t be pretty. But you really didn’t think you’d be on your kitchen floor, sobbing, with Hotch trying to comfort you. Definitely not how you were expecting it to happen. “I miss them, I already miss them so fucking much,” You mumble, “How am I supposed to cope? It hurts, Hotch, it physically fucking hurts,”

“I know,” Hotch mumbled, “I’m here, shh, I’m here,”

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bluejaysandblackbats · 11 months ago

Text

Catch and Release

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam

Summary: AU where Jason doesn't die in the explosion and he and Tim end up attending the same high school months later.

Chapters: 2/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth, Tim Drake, Dick Grayson, Barbara Gordon, Sebastian Ives, Jack Drake, Janet Drake

Relationships: TBA

Additional Tag: Jason Todd Lives, Jason Todd-centric, POV Jason Todd, POV First Person, Tim Drake Has Issues, Tim Drake Has Issues, Tim Drake is Not Robin, Jason Todd is Not Robin (Anymore), Bruce Wayne Needs a Hug, Alfred Pennyworth is the Best, Alfred Pennyworth Knows, Stalker Tim Drake, Jason Todd Has Chronic Pain, Jason Todd Has PTSD, Angst with a Happy Ending, Unlikely Friends, Injury Recovery, Emotional Baggage, Rage, Bruce Wayne is Bad at Communicating

Chapter Two: One and Oh

I'd almost gotten through my first day without a hitch before I got into my first fight in months. I'd just come out of the bathroom when some genius decided it'd be funny to shove the door into me as hard as they could. The force knocked me back, and I hit my head on the tile. I could've walked away from anything else. I know I could've, but that was too much for any human being to take. I feigned laughter with him and all his friends.

The weird kid, Tim, was the only one who wasn't laughing. "Hey, Jason, are you—?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I interrupted, still forcing the same smile I'd been faking all day. He helped me up, and I thanked him before taking my crutch and swinging hard enough to hurt my shoulder and crack my assailant's skull. Then I dropped to my good knee and tried to kill him with my bare hands. Tim pulled me up and held onto me, clutching the doorknobs to one of the locked classrooms so we wouldn't topple over. "How does it feel?" I screamed as tears streamed down my cheeks. I kept screaming it until security came and took me to the office. Tim followed closely behind. I think he felt sorry for me, and I hated him because he felt bad for me.

"Jason, what you did was unacceptable—."

"He might be concussed... Besides, you didn't see what happened, that kid shoved him to the ground, and he hit his head," Tim defended me. I still hadn't stopped crying or shaking. It was the most humiliating feeling I'd ever experienced. I didn't even realize I was bleeding until the EMT came to check the wound on the back of my head. Tim spoke for me, and I realized he'd been watching me all day. I was too distraught about the fight to say anything, let alone accuse him of following me, so I stayed silent. Bruce rushed into the office soon after that as if he'd been in the area all day.

"Jason," Bruce called as he grabbed me by my shoulders and checked my face for bruises. "Are you alright?"

I finally managed a few words, but they weren't helpful. "Is Alfred mad?" I asked. Bruce sighed and shook his head. "Do you want me to go to the hospital?"

"Yes," Bruce answered, "I'll take you... Mr. Ames, I hope we can discuss this once I know Jason's okay. He's not usually—."

"Three days on-campus suspension, and that's only because of the brutality of his response. Most kids I would've suspended for a week, but Jason's had a stellar reputation at this school, and his classmate explained the whole situation," Mr. Ames replied. Bruce nodded and thanked him as he escorted me to the car. I thought Bruce would yell at me, but nothing happened. He didn't say a word.

I still hadn't stopped shaking. "You don't have to go back there—."

"But I can... I might hate being back, but I can't hide at home anymore," I interrupted, "I have to control myself better next time." I chastised myself because no one else would. Barbara would've given me an earful if she could've been there. I liked that she never pulled her punches with me. I wished everyone was more like her.

"Master Jason, what were you thinking?" Alfred asked. His voice was colored with more concern than anger.

I wanted to tell them that I wanted to beat him near death. I wanted him close enough to demise to be both relieved and disappointed. I needed him to feel how I felt every day. I didn't say that, though. "I wasn't thinking, Alfred... I'm sorry," I apologized. Bruce touched my shoulder, and I winced. I almost forgot I'd overextended it when I struck him. The adrenaline rush finally waned, leaving only feelings of exhaustion and pain in its wake.

"Is it bad?" Bruce asked. I shook my head. I wanted to sleep, but that wouldn't be allowed until after my hospital visit. The drive to the emergency room felt endless.

Maybe I would've made a joke under different circumstances. I tried to open my mouth to tell one, but it didn't feel right. The sad part was the fight wasn't enough to quiet my rage. I was a bottomless pit of anger and pain. I woke up drowning in it every day. Bruce took me in, and I explained at the front desk that I'd hit my head at school. The doctors moved me through quickly, but it all felt like an average appointment. CT scans, MRI, bandages, full-body check-up that I didn't want or ask for. It all felt routine. Bruce sat outside for most of it.

He hated taking me to the doctor. Part of me reveled in that small bitter victory. At least I wasn't the only one suffering in silence. I was cruel, but that was all I could do to keep my sanity. I had to have someone to share my pain with, even if it wasn't productive. At least he could return to his life. His lives. I was stagnant. Trapped in an endless explosion. Permanently benched. We hadn't talked about Robin, but I knew. Robin had to die so that Bruce Wayne could live with himself.

I hate to say it, but the man I thought loved me most was memorializing me since before the accident. I saw it every day before I left, and it hasn't changed. He looked through me sometimes like a mortal would look at an apparition. I wasn't supposed to be there, but my presence was a source of comfort and pain.

Before we got home, three hours passed, and Bruce allowed me to fall asleep. I attempted to skip dinner, but Alfred woke me. He let me eat in my room because I had a long day, but he warned me that I wouldn't get off that easy after school the next day. He changed the dressing for my head wound and pleaded with me, asking me to behave myself in the future. I nodded.

Dinner was dull; it wasn't that I couldn't taste it. I was too depressed to care about what it tasted like. I ate quickly and went back to bed. I didn't dream. I preferred not to dream because dreams led to nightmares.

When I woke up for school the next day, I had dried blood on my hands and under my nails. I hadn't noticed the blood on my hands and shirt until then. It must've been frightening for Bruce to see all that blood on me.

I showered, scrubbing the blood from my flesh until my skin was raw. I started shaking again, and my phone rang. I turned the water off and got dressed. "Hello?" I answered. The call dropped, and I stepped into the hall.

"Hi," Dick waved. I rolled my eyes.

"Bruce called you, didn't he?" I asked.

"A fight on your first day? Really, Jason?" Dick asked. "He wants me to babysit you today..."

"Hard pass," I replied as I pushed past Dick and hobbled down the stairs.

"Could you be any more difficult?" Dick asked. "Use the stairlift."

"Only if you use the door," I replied. Dick mocked me.

I grabbed my crutches and headed toward the kitchen. "Alfred, where's Bruce?" I asked.

"Away on business, Master Jason," Alfred answered. Away on business. That was everyone's polite way of saying he was on a case. They all knew how it made me feel. I grabbed my things and rushed to the garage. Dick followed close behind and grabbed a set of keys.

"Jason, you shouldn't bottle your feelings up... You're gonna make yourself sick," Dick whispered.

"Where'd you get your psych degree? Clown college?" I snapped.

"Jason, I'm serious," Dick whispered.

He wouldn't drive me to school until I let him win. "You want my honest feelings?" I asked.

"Yeah, Jason," Dick answered.

I took a deep breath. "I don't have any optimism left... All I can manage most days is rage. I don't wanna live, don't care if anyone else lives or dies, and I'm sick of people telling me I'm lucky to be alive," I replied, "Is that honest enough for you?"

Dick started the car. "Jason, do you ever think about hurting yourself?" Dick asked.

"I wake up in pain every day. I'd never hurt myself... But I sometimes pray for the sweet release of an aneurysm," I half-joked. Dick didn't laugh with me. "You just hate when I win."

"It's not funny, Jason," Dick replied, "You know, we're all worried about you? I get that you're mad, but you don't have to take it out on everyone that tries to be understanding-."

"You can't be understanding! You just can't! You don't know what this feels like, Dick! No one knows what this feels like! So, if I wanna crack a few jokes about wanting to die or be a complete asshole, I should be allowed to! You said you wanted my honest feelings... Well, they don't feel so good, do they?" I lashed out. I just wanted someone to punch back. "You guys don't want me to be honest with you because the truth is, I have nothing but nasty things to say."

Dick started driving in silence, and I turned to stare out the window. All it took was his silence to make me cry bitter, childish tears. Even when he didn't play the game, he won.

#Jason Todd #Bruce Wayne #Alfred Pennyworth #Tim Drake #Dick Grayson #Barbara Gordon #Sebastian Ives #Jack Drake #Janet Drake #angst with a happy ending #fic #batfam #catch and release fic

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