#did you know that i love renee. she is the icon she is the moment etc etc

[xtra7s]

hello!! i adore your writing style and wanted to ask if you maybe would like to write a reneé rapp fic where instead of lola tung she takes fem!r to the stage and sings one less lonely girl?? and they could already be in a relationship or not either way i think that could be cute!! thank you<33

𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐋𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐋𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥 ─── 𝘙𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘦 𝘙𝘢𝘱𝘱 𝘹 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

Synopsis: Renee sings to her girlfriend on stage during her Halloween show.

Content: Renee Rapp x Fem!Reader, fluff, Renee is Justin Bieber(confirmed)

Word Count: 700

a/n: AHH THIS IS SO CUTE, im sorry if its too short, tried to add more to make it longer. hope u enjoy gorg!

masterlist

The atmosphere was alive with anticipation as the grand concert hall brimmed with eager spectators, all awaiting the entrance of the night's headlining act — Renee Rapp. The air was thick with excitement, whispers of admiration echoing through the venue. Little did the audience know that tonight's performance would be unlike any other, a tale of music and love waiting to unfold.

As the lights dimmed and the first chords of the music reverberated through the hall, Renee made a spectacular entrance, clad in the unmistakable style of Justin Bieber. The crowd erupted into cheers, their excitement reaching a crescendo as Renee took command of the stage with a magnetic presence.

Renee's performance was nothing short of mesmerizing. Her voice soared, effortlessly hitting every note, as she flawlessly navigated through a setlist that spanned genres and emotions. The audience was caught in the spell of her musical prowess, every song a testament to her versatility as an artist.

Throughout the performance, Renee danced and interacted with the crowd, creating an electric energy that charged the room. From high-energy pop anthems to soulful ballads, she showcased the depth of her talent, leaving the audience in awe of her captivating stage presence.

As the setlist reached its zenith, a hush fell over the crowd, and the opening notes of "One Less Lonely Girl" began to play. The audience erupted into cheers, recognizing the iconic Bieber tune. It was then that Renee's mischievous smile hinted at the surprise that awaited.

Midway through the song, Renee's gaze shifted to the front row, where Y/N, her girlfriend, stood among the enchanted spectators. With a twinkle in her eye, Renee descended from the stage, capturing the attention of everyone in the room.

Taking Y/N's hand, Renee led her onto the stage, seamlessly blending the line between performer and audience. The crowd erupted into cheers, their excitement now intertwined with the unfolding love story. Renee guided Y/N to a chair that had mysteriously appeared at the center of the stage, setting the stage for a moment that would be etched in the hearts of those present.

As Y/N settled into the chair, Renee took a step back, gazing at her with a mixture of adoration and playfulness. A girl rushed on stage and handed Y/N flowers, making Y/N's mouth open in shock as the spotlight focused on Y/N and Renee as she began to sing the heartfelt lyrics of "One Less Lonely Girl," pouring her emotions into each word.

The audience fell into a loud cheer as Renee's voice filled the space, creating an intimate atmosphere that transcended the boundaries of the stage.

With every verse, Renee moved around Y/N, her movements choreographed to express the depth of the song's sentiment. She would occasionally reach out, gently cupping Y/N's face or intertwining their fingers, creating a palpable connection that resonated through the venue. The crowd, initially swept up in the spectacle, now watched in awe as this private, intimate moment unfolded on the public stage.

As the song reached its pinnacle, Renee knelt before Y/N, holding her hand and serenading her with a tenderness that resonated through the venue. The crowd, initially swept up in the spectacle, now watched in awe as this private moment unfolded on the public stage.

In the final moments, Renee rose to her feet, her eyes never leaving Y/N's, the concert hall erupted into thunderous applause, appreciating not just the performance but the genuine connection that had unfolded before their eyes.

Still holding Y/N's hand, Renee delivered the closing lines with heartfelt sincerity. The crowd erupted into thunderous applause, appreciating not just the performance, but the genuine connection between the two women who had shared a musical love story on stage.

As the final notes faded away, Renee and Y/N shared a knowing smile, their hearts entwined in the melody of love that echoed through the concert hall, leaving an indelible mark on everyone fortunate enough to witness the enchanting performance.

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

Finally watched Caped Crusader and I have ✨thoughts✨.

Oswalda is straight up iconic. Loved every scene with her. I actually laughed out loud when the dude goes "Thorne got you to kill the wrong son?" and she responds "Not that!" I'd let her lock me in a suitcase and throw me in the sea. She gets a gold star ⭐

I like that we get to see Selina's origin. I like the classic suit. That's kinda it though. A bit sad that Bruce didn't feel any connection with her. Just not a huge fan of her character here. She doesn't feel like Selina (a problem most of this show faces tbh).

I was loving the Harley stuff. The bit with Renee was so cute, and I love that she really was passionate about helping Bruce move past his trauma. I really like that she's Barbara's friend. Was really upset at the fakeout death but at least she was just joshin. The villain stuff felt like fetishes which like okay. I guess Bruce needed to put in something to replace BruceBabs. Anyway, that's the final dig towards him. As much as this Harley episode wasn't my favorite, a promise is a promise. Although I do gotta ask, WHY CAN'T RENEE CATCH A BREAK IN HER LOVE LIFE >:(((

No fucking way the moral of episode 7 was "the system is totally not screwed, it's just a few bad apples and also a criminal is a criminal and should be jailed". Barbara literally says the system sucks cause the cops can do what they want and get in anyone's pockets and then nearly gets killed by a cop and then they end it with "actually, I think you do"?! I mean yeah that specific guy deserved prison but ending it on that note of Barbara feeling betrayed and confused on her morals tells a very not-so-delightful message. Glad the show backtracks on all that immediately but it's still weird and definitely could've used some revising to fit in with the rest.

Onomatopeia was awesome though. I remember people claiming his shtick couldn't work when he appeared in Superman and Lois. They said that it only worked in comics and would be too silly out loud. Happy to report that they're wrong.

I feel like I'm the only one who was excited to see Waylon but that's okay cause I got enough excitement for everyone. Love to see my mans kicking the shit out of potential perverts. You go, Waylon!

Dick, Jason, Steph, and Carrie. Definitely an interesting combination. But it's also so nice to see a Jason who grew up in a different environment and is therefore adorable with no rage in his heart. As opposed to Carrie who was ready to kick some ass. The ending to episode 8 really understood Batman, what with him saying he can't leave her there, carrying her and shielding her under the cape, and then asking about her later.

The Harvey bit is kinda cool but 1, I've always been iffy on the shotty DID stuff and 2, I think they coulda gone further. Just watch The Long Halloween for a better Two Face plot.

I like Harvey helping that guy get his stuffed animal back. That was a nice small character moment. If we had more stuff like that and Bruce being unable to confess his emotions to Alfred, I think this whole thing would be better. This one made up for episode 7's little message by having Barbara tell Harvey that it's not so cut and dry and that he deserves help too. I'm glad they went back to that after the whole "sometimes things are black and white" bit. Batman is about helping people just as much as Superman is and I feel like sending a message that "nope, bad is bad and he should just punch people" doesn't fit the entire thesis of Batman.

This finale really encapsulates how this show doesn't quite understand the character of Batman. It may be comic-accurate for him to be an asshole and put on the voice randomly, treat Alfred like crap, and randomly break character with stuff like "don't start growing a conscience now, Dent" but as I said it goes against the whole thesis. This is more along the lines of the Nolan films with the "Bruce Wayne is the mask" bit. And we all know how I feel about those films.

And then it ends on a boring cliffhanger with the boss guy and then a shitty Joker teaser. Boo.

In short, this show is good but it's not anything special. I do really like the classic Batman aesthetic, but that's pretty much it. It doesn't really understand the characters like MAWS and WFA, the overarching plot is kind of uninteresting and it doesn't feel like we're building up to something great. I feel like this show really wanted to use the episodic style to take a look at all these different elements of Gotham's world with references to existing characters and aspects. But whereas MAWS smoothly slid those into its narrative and setting, this just kinda feels like a villain of the week show instead of working towards this grand narrative. And that can be a good thing, I mean I'm a Scooby Doo fan for crying out loud, but in this scenario, it just doesn't work that exceptionally. If it gets a season 2, I'll probably watch it. But this isn't something I'd be excitedly waiting to see new episodes of.

[onepieceisreeeeaaalll]

The Straw Hats As My Spotify Wrapped

Look, this post is very self-indulgent and chronically online. I understand it's probably just for me, and I'm okay with that. I've watched a lot of One Piece this year and have made it all the way from Fishman Island to where I'm snuggly in Act 2 of Wano. I'll provide my rationale, but I just wanted to share the random songs from my wrapped that remind me of the Straw Hats and a couple bonus people! I'll also throw in a specific lyric to show what I mean.

THIS BEING SAID: I think everyone should do this. All the people I follow and all mutuals. I would LOVE to see everyone's wrapped songs and pair it with their fave characters.

LUFFY Meet Me At Our Spot - THE ANXIETY, WILLOW

Okay, I labored over this one. There are a few songs that give me Luffy vibes for different reasons, but this one kind of just fits in the sense where I just...feel like it's the best vibe? It's about youth and forgetting about your worries by spending time with the person you care about. Luffy is that person for so many people and his crew means everything to him. It's like an escape, kind of like freedom. Idk. I also thought about Doombop by the Toxhards for him.

Meet me at our spot Got something I wanna show you Meet me at our spot They can't find us there

ZORO Heavy Is The Crown - Linkin Park

I know people have their opinions about this song's placement in LOL and the new Linkin Park singer, but I think this song is just kind of awesome for a war chant. I feel like you could make an AMV of any Zoro fight to this song and it would elevate it.

You can't win if your white flag's out when the war begins Aimin' so high but swingin' so low Tryin' to catch fire but feelin' so cold

NAMI not yours, never was - Cherub Tree 

Please, please listen to riot grrrl music. Nami is a badass and this just feels like the perfect woman empowerment song for her.

Let's smoke the parliaments and burn them all to ashes You think you're gonna stop me? Come on dude As if you own me? Seriously?

USOPP Talk Too Much - Renee Rapp 

This is for a few reasons, the obvious one being that Usopp is a talker. Through-and-through. But it's the anxiety that makes him talk so much, which Renee Rapp talks about in this song. It's definitely more of a love song, but still. I think it applies.

I'm takin' everything I see as a sign and I know it's crazy But what if it's right

SANJI Home - Cavetown

OKAY OKAY so I know people have their opinions on Cavetown but everyone is going to have to pry this song out of my cold dead hands. When I watched Whole Cake earlier this year, my love for Sanji just grew exponentially. He's been through so much but he's still just such a beacon of light. He's kind, he's caring, even after all of the pain he's been put through. I feel like this song just kind of encapsulates that part of him that still feels vulnerable from the trauma.

Get a load of this train wreck His hair's a mess and he doesn't know who he is yet But little do we know, the stars Welcome him with open arms

CHOPPER HOT TO GO - Chapelle Roan 

This is mostly just because I saw an animation somebody did of Chopper doing the dance and I LOVED it. I always think of him and his cute little arms.

H-O-T-T-O-G-O Snap and clap and touch your toes Raise your hands, now body roll Dance it out, you're hot to go

ROBIN Mic Check - Sophie Hunter 

Confession: this was my number one most played song this year, I've had a rough year lol. Why I chose it for Robin is kind of self-explanatory. She has been through so much and her 'I want to live' moment is very obviously iconic and impactful to the story and her character. What I like about this song is it's kind of like an acceptance of those negative, self-harming thoughts and behaviors that permeate all of us. It's kind of like a 'fuck it, we ball.'

Mic check Think I got a jacked up preset Been feeling myself start to regress All I want to be is decent Yeah I need a pick-me-up

FRANKY Na Na Na - My Chemical Romance

This man has built and rebuilt himself. His transformation from Cutty Flam to Franky is such an important shift for his character. I just feel like this song is kind of like an anthem to that, though it's more about when he became a punk in Water7. It's his own 'fuck it, we ball.' It's high-energy and I think really fits him.

(Na, na-na-na, na-na-na) Let's blow an artery (Na, na-na-na, na-na-na) Eat plastic surgery (Na, na-na-na, na-na-na) Keep your apology Give us more detonation

BROOK DEBT COLLECTOR - Jhariah

This is purely because of vibes. The song is kind of like a dark fantasy which I think suits Brook really well. Plus it's got a cool kind of jazzy funk to it that I think the Soul King would heavily fuck with.

Gravedigger Cordial killer Your payment is due, they're looking at you We've done what we can, it's out of our hands Sooner or later, it comes back again

JIMBEI Read My Mind - golda may cover (originally by The Killers)

Ah, the Fishman Island Arc. The things that came out of it about Jimbei's time in the Sun Pirates just made me love him even more. They fought so hard to save people from slavery and the injustices of the World Government, and I feel like the softer vibes of this cover feel like it would suit a flashback or reflection of that time.

The good old days, the honest man The restless heart, the Promised Land A subtle kiss that no one sees A broken wrist and a big trapeze

BONUS: 

ACE Sirens - Bear Ghost

This one took a minute and I debated a few other options. Bear Ghost controversies aside, this song kind of reminded me of a meta-analysis I read about Ace a while back relating to how he perceives himself and his general self-worth. It was a very good read and maybe if I can find it I'll link it here. Anyway, this song is basically like an ongoing panic attack.

Brother, sister, please don't shame me Silence so loud But I promise I'm fine here I'm just getting my fill And if you had just what I need I wouldn't want it now

LAW vampire - Olivia Rodrigo

I slaved over which song from my list would work for Law, and there are so many. This is the least self-indulgent, the rest that remind me of him are purely based off of a stupid oc roleplay that I do not care to elaborate on lol. This song for Law, though - WOW, I just think of the struggle he went through finally taking down Doflamingo. It wasn't planned, it wasn't what his goal was, but it was so important for him to heal those old wounds.

I see the parties and the diamonds sometimes when I close my eyes Six months of torture you sold as some forbidden paradise I loved you truly Gotta laugh at the stupidity

DOFLAMINGO Good To Be King - Journey to Bethlehem

I'm sorry to report that I am a theatre kid. This musical has some bops, and while I'm not particularly religious, I absolutely loved this song. Every time I hear it, I think of Doflamingo and his time in Dressrosa.

Look how the peasants work down to the bone As I sit up high on my velvety throne Pulling the strings on the people below It’s so stinking good to be king

OKAY THAT'S IT! THANKS FOR READING IF YOU DID!

[clay-cuttlefish]

Rebirth time, all the way to Event Leviathan. Already bracing myself for some of these, but there's some decent stuff in here too, just gotta pick through the sludge.

Renee spends 2016-2018 bouncing around various Bat comics with a handful of lines an issue like she did pre-character-development, but she mostly works with Kate, which is a bit of a silver lining.

Batwoman #17-18

Kate and Renee get back together and it's cute enough I'm willing to stop being annoyed while I read it.

Almost all their previous romantic moments are immediately followed by divorce so it's nice to see them just being goofy and adorable.

Is this trying too hard? Maybe. Am I charmed anyways? Yes.

Action Comics #1005

Vic's back! Running around Metropolis and not explaining anything!

Genuinely this is such a fun way to reintroduce him, it feels fitting that it's unceremonious. You get no context for who he is, no explanation for why he's here, he's just Doing Things.

Doomsday Clock #9

I feel like I have to mention: Geoff Johns was the one that suggested Renee become the Question. He's also specifically credited with a couple good moments in 52, so clearly he's capable of understanding Vic, he's just chosen not to here for the sake of putting more Watchmen references in his Watchmen crossover.

God Doomsday Clock is so stupid.

Vic does get to save Ted for a panel so that's nice I guess.

Batman #66

The idea that Bruce is so unbelievably bad at processing his emotions that he had to dream up Vic as the fucking Divorce Understander is hysterical.

They haven't been in a comic together in nearly 20 years, Vic just lives rent free in his head that much.

Terrible comic but remembering it makes me laugh.

Action Comics #1009

Back in Metropolis, Vic's chilling out investigating Leviathan.

I'm not a big fan of this look, it's a little too Rorschach for me, but hey it's nice that he's here.

Also not super into his dialogue but it works alright as deadpan snark.

Lois Lane #1

WE ARE SO BACK

You would think a character who's been around for this long would have multiple good writers but nope Rucka is singlehandedly carrying her.

Critically: it's about journalism! That's pretty much the ideal way to smack some characterization back into Renee. So much of O'Neil's Question is about that rift between Vic the reporter and Question the vigilante, and about the ways in which those roles can do good, so drawing on those themes grounds this progression even as it's a sharp course correction.

I'm not a big Superman guy, he's neat but doesn't grab me, but the bits of Clark from Lois' perspective do more to sell me on him than any event I've read. They remind me of my parents and that's 100% a good thing. It's adorable.

#2

The snippets of other news stories about how heroes impact the political landscape do more to create a world that feels alive than, like, 90% of comics I've ever read.

Lois Lane, dyslexic icon.

It's got everything. Intrigue. Drama. Worldbuilding through trashy TV. Renee breaking and entering. Lesbian flirting. Compelling mysteries. DC's best het couple. Comic books are good, actually.

#3

The only thing better than one Question? TWO OF THEM.

Looking at them hugging is not enough I need to eat the panel.

The long silent sequence into the action scene into them hugging is perfectly paced.

Somehow, despite how unwell Vic and Renee make me, Clark and Lois are nearly as good here.

#4

"You were my best friend, you saved my life. And then you died." "I know who you are. You're my friend, you're Renee Montoya, and you're my legacy." They are everything.

It's so good that them catching up is a strange, quiet moment. Yeah, the cause of this is cosmic weirdness, but the effects are so personal.

I can't help but read Lois' "Sage. You're off your beat." to Vic as exasperated. Respectable. He's exasperating.

#5

Vic and Renee both crushing on Lois is cute.

I love how self-assured Renee is here. She's the Question, and she knows exactly how cool that is... but "being the Question with fresh eyes" means having to relearn the limits on violence. Beating people up is one thing, interrogation is another.

Event Leviathan

I've put this all in one chunk instead of trying to interlace it with Lois Lane, since it ends right before issue 6 and there aren't any great ways to spread it out more.

The event so pointless Jimmy Olsen spoiled the reveal.

None of the plot is interesting to me, but Vic's fun, I always like Lois Lane, it could be worse.

I like this characterization for Vic. He's chilled out since he's came back from the dead, and he's got less of a personal stake than most of the others so he's decent at staying on track, but he's also quick to play into whatever dumb banter's going on.

[renee-writer]

Awake Chapter 132 A Birth Announced

AO3

The Cullen’s have stopped several times to hunt. Carlisle and Jasper run together when Carlisle suddenly stops.  Jaz looks at him.

 

“I need to check my phone.” He doesn’t know why just knows he must. Seeing the missed call icon  from Edward and the flashing voice message one, he knows something has happened. When he hears his son’s frantic message, his face falls and Jaz picks up the wave of fear and distress coming off him.

 

“What is it?” The rest of the family has joined them. They all await his answer.

 

“Bella went into labor. Edward is frantic,” he hears Tanya ‘s quick intake of breath, “I have to get back there. Someone go by Billy’s and see if he has a way to contact Jacob.”

 

“I will go talk to Billy.” Alice offers.

 

“Good. Jasper, Tanya come with me. I will keep you guys informed.

 

Edward sits holding Faith while Bella sleeps. He can’t get over her, how beautiful she is, how incredible her birth was. How much peace he is in, a peace he hasn’t know since Bella made love to Jacob. Even then, it hadn’t  been this complete.

 

Carlisle, Jasper, and Tanya come running into the house a few minutes later. They stop dead at the sight of Edward and Faith. The feelings coming off him aren’t at all what Jasper expected. They confuse him.

 

“What happened?” Carlisle whispers as he takes Faith from him to check her out. He explains, from the moment he heard Bella cry out until they walked in.

 

“He did an incredible job.” Bella says from the bed.

 

“It sure sounds like it. Faith is doing great. The trouble getting her started breathing was probably due  to her slight prematurity. She is perfectly fine now.”

 

She breaths out in relief. He hands the baby to Tanya so he can check on Bella.

 

“No tears. I couldn’t have done it better myself.”

 

“I told you he was good “ Bella is smiling.

 

“You were lucky he was here.”

 

“No, she was blessed I was.” His father looks at him, stunned.

 

“Yes I was. Is someone trying to find Jake?”

 

Yes. Alice went to Billy’s.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Your daughter is stunning.” Tanya says as she hands her back to her mommy.

 

“Thank you. I think so.”

 

“Let me tell you, when I got that message from Edward, I wasn’t expecting such a good outcome.”

 

“I wasn’t either, at first. He was just so natural at it.”

 

“That wasn’t me. That was all God.”

 

“Is this my son, Edward Cullen, speaking?” Carlisle asks and Jasper starts to understand what he was picking up on.

 

“Yes, I didn’t get it at first. Seeing Faith ‘s birth, to participate in it, to breath life back into her… it was all so incredible, miraculous. There is no greater proof of God then that.

 

 ”Leah was there. She is telling Jacob now,” Alice walks in, “are Bella and the baby okay?”

 

“Come and see.” Bella invites.

 

“Wow. She is beautiful. May I hold her? Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah to both.” She takes her, cooing down at her before turning to her brother.

 

“You delivered her?”

 

“Yes. Then he got her breathing.”

 

At her stunned look, “Yes I did, God and I.”

 

“God and you?”

 

“Yes, delivering her changed how I see God. There is no way to deny He exists after that.”

 

“Bella!” Jacob calls out.

 

“I here baby. I am fine and so is our daughter thanks to God and Edward.”

 

“Meet your daughter.” Alice places her in his arms.

 

He stares at her. “Hi Faith Renee. You are so beautiful.”

 

“Yes she is.”

 

“Are you okay, really?”

 

“I am great. Edward was incredible. He knew just what to do.”

 

“Edward, thank you. Sounds like I owe you my wife and daughter.”

 

“No, I was just God’s hands in this.”

 

Jacob sinks down on the edge of tho bed. Carlisle laughs. “That was my reaction as well.”

 

“Okay. I need the whole story.”

 

Edward and Bella fill him in.  When they are done, silence reigns for a few minutes as everyone takes it in.

 

“Well, those are skills I didn’t know you had.”

 

“Me either Tanya, until I had to have them.”

[permanent-goblin]

1. Not sure but imma guesstimate 2019 or early 2020, cause I was hit off the first carry on series book and a song of Achilles and was on the MM train.

2. How dare you make me choose between my children

3. Airport scene when Womack picks up Neil afters he gas been in the nest(it was wymacks first time going through the true Neil experience and I loved it), Andrew slamming through the hotel room with a randomly Womack attached to him to get to his baby, Neil picking up putting andrews discarded cigarette in his lips and fucking saluting(I think this may be my all time favorite scene,I can't explain my love for it), "you know I get it-" (fucking iconic), neil oaying a dude to knock him tf out. Literally every scene where Jean drops a "this is normal" and everyone around him is like "tf it isnt".

4. The exy court, prove to me that shit ain't just ice rings and I won't call it knock off hockey.

5. Ichirou, "but he is bad guy just using kids for profi-" Did I stutter? I WANT ICHIROU.

6. Renee x Allison, im sorry it's cannon in my brain that they are gay. Sorry jean/Renee shippers that shits one sided. Also Kandriel for obvious reasons

7. Andrew and Neil's cat names.

8. Ichirou x neil(don't judge me please) and I have an alternate universe in my brain of the AFTG series so imma add Ichirou x Wymack(it requires context, im sorry but feel free to message me about it)

9. Honestly all of them

10. *Will Smith motions* ICHIROU!

11. Stuart, I want more uncle Stuart and nephew Neil.

12. *has to look up what barrative foil is* Renee I guess to like everyone mostly Neil

13. *brain goes blank at this one, I turn into the equation lady meme*

14. Andrew and Neil, and not because they my babies but because I am actually allot like them.

15. Kevin XD

16. Gay tumblr, the best way

17. Absolutely not

18. Sorry none, I'm more for animation

20. I don't know why but matt

21. Nah, but I'd also stay tf out of his buisness

23. Jeremy and Jean will either kiss or touch and have a big ass moment

24. Nicky

25. Himself because he can't be in a relationship, if not both Neil and anrew

28. Allison, I'd say Dan but if she wasn't there it'd all crumple in Renee's group.

29. Imma let his series marinate before I choose that.

All For The Ask Game

Reblog for people to send you aftg related asks!!!

When did you first read aftg?

All For The Game or The Sunshine Court?

Favourite scene(s)?

If you could choose to make one fictional place from the books real, which one?

A character you think deserves to be more present in the books?

A non-canon ship you love?

A part of the extra content you whole-heartedly agree with

A crackship/crackships you've come to love

Underrated aftg fanartist / fic writer (tag them!)(link if they're not on tumblr)

A villain you think is fucking hot

A side character you love and/or appreciate

Favourite narrative foil?

Favourite narrative symbolism?

A character you would actually get along with in real life

A character you love but would deck in real life

How did you even get here?? How did you discover AFTG?

Would you play exy?

A fancast you will never let go of

A fancast you love that is super silly

Which character would be the last to die in a actual zombie apocalypse?

Would andrew minyard have beef with you?

Hyperspecific aro and or ace kevin headcanon?

Something you are very sure will happen in TSC2

Nicky or Allison? (Character wise and personality wise seperate)

Your now only allowed to ship Kevin with one person (1) who is it?

A 2000s song any one/ship/group of character would listen to

A detail or element from an older draft you would've loved to see in the final draft

If you had to kill a fox. (Seth doesnt count.)

Question 29 for jean! Name a favorite Jean dialogue/quote

More aftg ask game? In this economy?

[brbarou]

doodles, some done on @rustyorangee 's huge wacom that i am. not used to

[annikasevenshots]

Star Trek Picard: S2E8 Reaction (spoilers)

Guinan's red hair ❤️❤️❤️

SEVEN AND RAFFI AND RIOS <3 <3 <3

HOLY FUCK SEVEN AND RAFFI'S BORG CONVO

I HATE THIS SO MUCH I WAS LITERALLY COMPLAINING HOW THEY LOWKEY IGNORED SEVEN'S UN-BORG-NESS THE OTHER DAY

"You're Seven?" "And who is that exactly to you" GOODBYE. I AM JUMPING OFF A CLIFF

Seven ADAPTING JUST LIKE THAT TO THE DUDE WTF HOLY SHIT WHAT

she just blows me away time after time. and the way jeri plays her as well.

Raffi's little glance when Seven says Agnes is her sister i-

Big, red beard??? Did Agnes leave with the bus punk????

"How's that for analog?" Raffi's little "i-". goodbye. fucking kill me. i'm dead

SEVEN AND RAFFI BEING IN THE SAME PICTURE IN THE DATABASE SO TRUE <3

"I'm only human" don't sing it don't sing it don't s-

"No wonder i'm president" SO TRUE 😭✊

RAFFI'S IMMEDIATE LOOK OF ATTENTION WHEN SEVEN STARTS OPENING UP????? SEVEN NEEDING TO TAKE THE W ON THE "IM NOT BORG" ARGUMENT BUT COMING BACK TO HELP RAFFI ANYWAY???????? NO??????

Seven's voice going back to her deeper cadence when she's talking about the Borg, yes.

NO NOT SEVEN LASHING OUT ON RAFFI HOLY FUCKFUDNCND

"You manipulate" Raffi's hurt in her eyes????? oh no. oh no no no.

"Everyone has to be exactly where Raffi wants them to" I MEAN YES BUT FUCK, MY FEELINGS. YALL DOING THIS WHILE IM EATING MY RICE 😭

Raffi's "um" when she gets back to work mode with Seven???? She's been completely knocked off her - fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

oh my god. seven. as a baby.

WHAT THE FUCK I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE LYING ABOUT HER EATING CAR BATTERIES OMFG

Agnes wearing platform boots under her dress so true bestie. did she steal them off the dude???

Oh. My god. Seven being so weak she can't run to Raffi. the cinematography of agnes walking off having kicked their asses. ohhhhhhh my god. OH MY GOD???????

me: dying over seven and raffi

some kid: fOUr CaKEs.

LIKE READ THE ROOM 💀

i still love how Rios and Teresa switch languages. multilingual representation.

i swear to GOD if rios and teresa kiss before saffi—

What is it with this replicator making tummy hurting cake

THEY KISSED BEFORE SAFFI?????? IM RIOTING. BOO. BOOOOOOOO. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Lol rip Q i guess

Q finds meaning in life via Picard? Qcard crumbs

God i was like "are we back to seven and raffi?" and they show me a fucking beverly hills pool

Dr Soong really needs to reinterpret his meaning of thriving lmao

Okayyy but what does Kore achieve by walking out. nothing?

God this episode has felt so long already because Saffi has just drained me. I can't have my moms fighting i have issues okay

"LET ME SEE YOUR NECK" BY GOD THESE TWO HIT ME LIKE A TRUCK

"I'm almost okay" -puts hand on her arm- FUCK FUCK FICKENR

"Can we jump the battery with our tricorder" yes baby your tricorder is a samsung

WHAT. HOLY SHIT????????? ELNOR FLASHBACK

RAFFI FIXING SEVEN'S SHIP EVEN THOUGH SHE WANTS HER TO STAY??? OH MY GOD?????????????

Elnor not working in security because absolute candor? MY GOD WEREN'T WE LITERALLY TALKING ABOUT THIS IN THE DISCORD

HOW DID THE USS SAFFI PREDICT THIS WHOLE EPISODE

yeah i can see raffi being manipulative but hdjshsjsshsnsbsh i don't. fuck. i fuck. FUCK.

"I thought you wanted to follow in my footsteps"

also whew. raffi's words were my childhood. and that's on ✨ helicopter parenting ✨

Also fuck this lowkey renders my Academy graduation fic void now that we know why Elnor stayed

CAN WE STOP INTERRUPTING MOMENTS PLEASE. FUCK.

Agnes talking as Wersching as BQ? iconic. like she literally talks as if wersching was inside of her.

Picard being a monster in the dark so true, he has haunted my dreams since he let agnes be assimilated /j

Did this dude join the FBI because he met a vulcan as a kid once in the rare hopes that aliens would exist

When Picard said he was here to save the galaxy i LAUGHED. IS HE REALLY????? 🤡

omg i thought this episode was ending with the FBI agent and the enterprise theme music. this season is so weird with timing and cuts

What does Renee discover on the Europa mission? Like, dilithium?

in conclusion, i can't do this anymore. will attempt fix it fics in 5-9 business days when i have recovered.

[marvelgirl7]

Chapter 16: Gender Reveal

Oh boy! If you saw the earlier invite than you are in for a huge surprise for Baby Rogers! 

I can’t say enough how grateful I am for the amazing @the-wayward-robot​ for bringing Rowan and Baby Rogers into my life and helping to inspire me to write more and get back into the flow of things :) We are super excited to introduce you all to the next chapter of Little Wolf dealing with grown Piper and grown Rogers ;) 

Next Chapter maybe the last Chapter with The Epilogue to follow but still unsure. But if everything aligns next chapter should be the last Chapter. We shall see

Bucky Barnes Masterlist

Little Wolf Masterlist

Warnings: Mentions of death, Car Crash, Surrogacy, Talks of adoption, Pregnancy, Fluff and romance, Baby Fluff, Happiness all around. 

Parings: Bucky X Renee, Steve X Ro

My amazing Divinder was made by the amazing @the-wayward-robot​ check out here amazing edits, my icon, and header is all done by her! 

Renee drops Piper off with Ro who was very excited to be spending the day with her Auntie Ro.

“I’ll call when I’m on my way thank you Ro again for keeping her for the day.” Ro just smiles as Piper hugs her.

“Nonsense, I hope it’s okay I have a sonogram appointment and was seeing if Pipe wanted to come with us, she can see Tiny Rogers.”

Piper’s eyes widen she gets excited, “Me see the baby!” Renee kisses Piper.

“Be good today for your Auntie Ro and Uncle Steve, okay?” Piper kisses her mommy and smiles at her big watching her and Ro walk to Steve. Renee takes a deep breath and heads to May’s. Wondering what Tony wants to talk to them about.

May makes some tea and watches Renee.

“You feeling okay sweetie? I’m sure everything is fine maybe Tony just wants to say how great a job Peter is doing.” Renee nods she’s just unsure what it could be why did he want to talk to just her and May? Renee paces a little when the knock at the door causes her to stop she takes a deep breath opens it. She smiles small at Tony and gently lets him inside.

“Hi, Tony, good to see you today.” Tony hugs Renee as May lays out some cups and little snacks. She smiles walking over.

“Hi Tony, it’s lovely to see you again, I have some tea and little snacks if you’d like to take a seat at the table.”

Tony nods as he walks over, he takes a breath feeling some of his nerves as well. Taking a seat he sits the manilla folder on the table as Renee pulls out a chair and takes a seat as does May.

“Thank you two for meeting with me today, I had done some research because I was curious about you Renee, and your story about being adopted and being found. From the moment I met you Renee I felt like I knew you I felt like there was something about you that just seemed so familiar.”

Renee nods at Tony wondering where this is going. She eyes him as Tony continues.

“You were found on Burnt Mill Road, the same road that my parents sadly crashed on, but you were found the same night they died, Renee.” Tony takes a deep breath staring at Renee and May both. Tony’s words start to process in Renee’s head she looks at him.

“You’re not thinking…” May squeezes Renee’s hand as Tony nods at Renee.

“I’m not thinking I know you’re my sister I just know it. I knew it the moment we met, there were some documents in my parent’s car they had used a surrogate to have you what wasn’t ruined in the fire I knew you existed for so long, but I couldn’t find any trace of you. But how did you make it out of the car how did no one...”

May looks at Tony at that as Renee’s mind is running a mile a minute.

“His name was Stan he was regular at Fest he came in that night; I was just getting ready to go home when he came in with Renee wrapped in a blanket. He said he had found her on Burnt Mill Road. I quickly took her and checked her over, I called the police to let them know what had happened, but Stan vanished and after that night I never saw Stan again. No one could find anything about Renee no one had reported her missing or anything, except the baby blanket, had her name embroidered on it and the words “Our Little Star.” They were going to put Renee in a foster home, and I just couldn’t I looked down and knew I had to keep her I loved her the moment I held her. So, I said I wanted to keep and adopt her. I had to be approved of course and take classes, but I fought to keep Renee I knew she was meant to be my baby.”

Renee has tears falling down her face as she looks at May she just hugs her tightly. As May kisses her head.

Tony takes a deep breath as he watches them, “Because I had no proof, I couldn’t file a missing child’s report all I had was documents that were partly burnt. There was no trace a child had been inside the car minus a few toys and such but that didn’t mean... But I knew and I knew I had a missing sister out there. I never stopped looking for you Renee, but I am so glad you were raised by May that you had so much love. You’ve grown into such a beautiful woman I know our parents would be proud… I know you may not believe all of this, but we could do a DNA test just to make sure, but I know without a doubt you’re my sister, Renee Maria Stark.”

Tony smiles at her as Renee looks at him, she gently walks over to him and just hugs him tightly.

“You think so? Let’s get this DNA Test just to be sure. But it would be nice to finally know where I did come from. Renee Maria Stark huh that would have been my name.” She looks at Tony and just hugs him close again, “It would be nice to be your sister Tony.” He nods and smiles as May comes over Tony pulls her and Renee into a big hug as he holds them both.

“Thank you, May for loving and raising my sister for giving her an amazing home for protecting her always.” May wipes her eyes as Renee cries in Tony’s chest.

“It was my pleasure to be her mother and to have such a beautiful daughter.”

The three of them share a moment as they decide to head out to get the DNA test. Renee was nervous but she knew what Tony said was true she just knew in her heart that he was her brother.

Piper sits with Steve and Ro as she gets excited to see the baby.

“Rowan?” The nurse calls as Steve picks up Piper and holds Ro’s hand with his other as they head inside the room with the nurse. Ro gets her normal checkup as Steve and Piper sit in the waiting chairs in the room. The nurse brings Rowan back in as she gets Rowan on the table and gets her ready for the sonogram.

“The doctor will be with you shortly.” The nurse leaves as Steve gets up, he helps Piper up. Steve gets the little steps for Piper to stand on as Ro smiles.

“You excited to see the baby Pipe?” Piper nods she smiles excitedly.

The doctor comes in and goes over things with Ro and Steve.

“Okay let’s see how the baby is doing.” The doctor moves the wand over Ro’s stomach and smiles, “Baby is growing perfectly and looking healthy as ever.”

Ro and Steve share a big smile as Steve kisses her head and holds her hand. Ro looks down at Piper who is in awe of seeing the baby.

“What do you think Pipe? That’s Baby Rogers, I’m hoping you and baby become best of friends and that you two love each other always.” Ro smiles as Piper nods her head.

“Me wove baby.” The doctor smiles.

“I can let you know the sex if you’d like, or I can always write it down and put it in an envelope for later if you’d prefer.”

Ro and Steve share a look as Piper just smiles waving at baby Rogers as if the baby can see her. She smiles.

“We wanted to do a little gender reveal so please if you can write it and seal it for us.”

The doctor smiles nodding as they write down the sex of baby Rogers and seals it up.

Bucky wasn’t sure what was going on when Renee called and asked if he could meet her at Tony’s place. Bucky walks in and sees Renee, May, and Tony sitting.

“Hey Doll, is everything okay?” Renee jumps up and runs to him and hugs him close. Tony smiles at them as he motions for them to sit.

“Come sit with us we have exciting news to share with you.”

After a brief story about everything. Bucky looks at Tony and Renee.

“Wow so your brother and sister that’s… its fate just like fate with you being Piper’s mom and now with you two being reunited finally.” Tony smiles and nods his head as he feels so much happiness finding his sister.

“Wait….” Tony looks at Bucky and Renee, “What do you mean she’s Piper’s mom like… She’s the one who carried her?” Bucky and Renee share a look and smile.

“Yes I was the surrogate who carried Piper and by fate, Bucky and I met again and now... We’re one big happy family.” Tony just processes it all. He just shakes his head smiling.

“Wow, small world after all it would seem.”

Things were finally slowing down a bit. After finding out she was Stark and Tony’s sister Renee felt like her family couldn’t get any bigger well that’s a lie one more little member would be making his or her appearance before they knew it.

Piper was excited as they got ready for the gender revile.

“Okay, Piper want to help me and Ro pass out the cupcakes?” Piper nods. One cupcake has either pink or blue frosting when you bite in. Piper helps pass them out to everyone. She’s excited as everyone holds their cupcakes. AJ and Cass fight over who is going to win. Peter looks down at Piper and smiles at her.

“You think you will win Pipe?” She giggles at Peter as she nods, she hopes she wins.

Ro and Steve smile at everyone as Steve clears his throat to make the announcement.

“Ro and I thank you all for coming out and celebrating Baby Rogers Gender Reveal with us. Now on the count of 3 everyone bite into your cupcakes! Let’s see if we’re having Westley or Ellie.”

Everyone bites into their cupcakes. So far no one has found the colored frosting. Piper bites big into her cupcake as she pulls away her eyes widen. She sees the color she starts to tap her little feet and gets excited. She looks up Peter sees the frosting all over her face as he smiles big at her.

“You got the winning cupcake Pipe go on shout.” Piper giggles as she starts squealing loud.

“WES!” Piper squeals. Ro and Steve look over at Piper who is covered in blue frosting. She keeps screaming at the top of her little lungs.

“WES! BABY WES!” Ro starts to cry as she lays her hand on her belly, she looks at Steve.

“Westley James Rogers.” Steve just kisses her deeply as they both go and get Piper. Renee hands Ro a wet wipe as Ro gets all the blue frosting off Piper.

“You won the gender cupcake Piper are you excited for Wes?” Piper just smiles big she wraps her arms around Ro’s belly.

“Me Wove Wes.” Ro just chuckles as Piper kisses her belly and smiles.

“Hi, Wes, Me Wove You.” She holds the belly close.

Renee grabs Piper’s little camera and takes a photo of the moment and smiles watching them be so cute and happy.

Westley James Rogers would be making his appearance before everyone knew it. Everything was starting to fall into place. Just a few more little pieces needed to be placed before it was all said and done.

How does everyone feel after that? Westley James Rogers will be here soon! Let me know what you think! 

Enjoy reading my fics? Support me on Ko-Fi :)

Next Chapter

Taglist: @hiddles-rose, @jobean12-blog, @loricamebackyetagain, @lizette50, @randomfandompenguin, @whimsicalrobots, @charmed-asylum, @marshyrebelcloud, @lostinthoughtsandfeelings, @jamesbarnesappreciationclub, @iluvsumbucky, @nohemi2500, @marvelfansworld, @the-wayward-robot, @captainchrisstan, @book-dragon-13  @film-enthusiastt, @marvelfansworld, @mostly-marvel-musings, @harrysthiccthighss, @omgbrianab,  @unknownmystery22, @moonlacebeam, @vibraniumsergeant @emmabarnes @csigeoblue, @bbmommy0902, @evanstylestan @moonlacebeam , @onlyferorder66, @bbl32 @teenagedreams-bucky, @underdevelopedangst @beckygirl95 @wonderlandfandomkingdom, @charmingmrbarnes​​

[the-chicken-or-the-banana]

I always wondered how the foxes would react to finding out that it was andrew that "hit on" neil first (specially Kevin, since he was just standing right there while that happened)

(now, i don't think they would willing just talk about it but if one of them slip up...)

Btw: i absolutely adored the goodbye kisses series

AHHH sorry for being so MIA lately but i'm absolutely loving this! also i'm realizing that i'm very bad at actually getting to the point so enjoy a shit ton of irrelevant exposition :)

read it on ao3 here

— ··· —

Kevin didn't understand why they had to come to the zoo. It was smelly, there were kids screaming everywhere, and he'd nearly been stepped on three times in the past 10 minutes. He much rather preferred exy to this.

Team bonding sucked.

He trudged along beside Aaron as Dan, Matt, and Nicky actually tried socializing with the new Foxes. Normally, Kevin would jump at the chance to talk about exy with these recruits, but also, normally he didn't feel like he'd just just rolled through a flaming dumpster filled with screeching, pooping monkeys.

Kevin let out a sigh as they passed some sort of mildly interesting snake exhibit. He nudged Aaron, who was on his phone with a red face, which meant he was either texting lovey-dovey things to Katelyn or blasting an idiot in his Ochem class. You never really knew with him.

"Aaron."

Aaron just scowled at him. Kevin sighed again. Conversing was always so much more exhausting than he anticipated.

"Snakes."

"What."

"Do you want to... see the snakes?"

Aaron blinked in confusion. "Okay?"

Kevin led them to the snakes.

There, they shoved past some families and made it to the front of the glass enclosure.

"Well?" Aaron asked. "Now what do we do?"

Valid question, Kevin thought. He hadn't really considered what they were doing. He just wanted to see snakes.

He told Aaron as much, who rolled his eyes aggressively and went back to his phone.

Kevin felt a tap on his shoulder and twisted around, coming face-to-face (well, more like chest-to-face) with some sort of tour or information guide.

"Hi!" she smiled all too brightly. Kevin wanted to cover his eyes. "How are you enjoying the exhibition?"

"Um," Kevin gulped eloquently, then remembered his media training. "Oh yeah, it's great!"

"Awesome," she beamed. "You know, there's a snake feeding session in about 5 minutes if you and your son are interested."

Kevin's face contorted in confusion. He whirled around, assuming some tiny, lost child was latched near him, but when he turned back, the lady — Sandy — had her gaze intensely focused on the only other small person near him: Aaron.

Oh dear.

Aaron seemed to come to the same conclusion as Kevin did because his eyes widened comically and he hissed "I. am. not. his. son."

Sandy blinked owlishly. "Little brother then?"

Aaron threw his hands up. "I am 21! Leave me alone." He then proceeded to stomp out of the enclosure, dragging Kevin along and leaving a very flummoxed old lady behind them.

"I can't believe it," Aaron kept muttering. "Your son. Your son! I hate life."

Kevin was a bit miffed that he hadn't actually been able to see the snakes, but he figured Aaron's plight was slightly more significant than that.

After a few moments of silent walking (Kevin) and angry grumbing (Aaron), Kevin realized he couldn't see any of the Foxes anymore. He glanced around, instinctively searching for Andrew.

"Hey, do you know where Andrew and Neil went?" Kevin asked.

Aaron scoffed. "They're probably making out somewhere."

"Who's making out?"

Aaron and Kevin both gave unholy screeches as they turned around to find Nicky standing between them, a wide, innocent grin on his face.

"What the fuck," Aaron complained. "Don't do that again, you bitch."

Nicky waved him off. "Shut up. Who's making out? Might be able to close some bets."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "We just can't find Andrew and Neil anywhere. Aaron seems to believe they're off deflowering a zoo Port-A-Potty or something."

"Well then, we wouldn't want to interrupt them, right?" Nicky winked. "Anyways, we're all going to the butterfly exhibit right now so y'all have to join us. I'm not taking no for an answer."

It seemed that they had no choice, so after sharing a resigned glance, Kevin and Aaron trudged behind an overly enthusiastic Nicky while he babbled on about some parrots that he saw. It really didn't seem as interesting as Nicky was making it out to be, but Kevin didn't want to say anything lest he was expected to participate in the conversation too.

They finally reached the butterfly exhibit where the other Foxes were waiting for them. They entered as a mass of loud, mildy buff, smelly athletes and got more than a few glares from the parents of young children who moved out of the way.

But in all this movement, the path cleared and Kevin found... Andrew and Neil? He was about to turn to Aaron and tell him that they evidently not making out, until he noticed how still Andrew was standing and the glee on Neil's face.

Nicky's gaze caught onto them a second later, because he squealed and grabbed Kevin's arm, jabbing his finger at the sight.

"Oh my God," he whispered. "Is that a butterfly on Andrew's nose? That is adorable."

Kevin squinted, and yes, that's exactly what it appeared to be. Nicky's outburst had caught Allison's attention, and she began marching over to Neil and Andrew, the rest of the Foxes in tow.

Kevin could already tell this was going to be a mess.

When they finally reached Andrew, Aaron was the first to speak. "What the fuck?" he asked flatly. Andrew glared at him. Slowly, as to not move the butterfly, he raised his hand to gently flip off his brother.

Nicky immediately started cooing. "Aww, don't worry Andrew! I think you look adorable."

Andrew began slipping out a knife.

On Allison's left, Kevin saw Dan practically shaking with laughter as she pulled out her camera and snapped a picture.

Neil opened his mouth, probably to tell off Dan but Nicky rushed in to talk to him.

"Soooo," he waggled his eyebrows. "I didn't know you could see the future, Neil."

Neil stared at him blankly and turned back to Andrew as he pulled out a map, but Nicky rallied on.

"Like, you must have been able to predict that one day Andrew was going to be this adorable. That's why you asked him out, right?"

"What?" Neil asked distractedly. "I never asked him out."

Kevin blinked in surprise. After a moment's consideration, he realized that considering how utterly oblivious Neil could be, it really was no shocker that Andrew had to ask him out first.

"Wait wait wait," Matt shook his head. "So Andrew asked you out?"

Neil waved them off as he continued squinting at the map he was holding. "Yes yes, just go ask Kevin, he was there."

All eyes turned to Kevin. Kevin was very lost.

"What the fuck," Aaron repeated. "I'm so confused."

"Me too," Kevin muttered. "Me too."

— ··· —

After their long day at the zoo was over, the Foxes finally began the trudge back up to their respective dorms. The younger Foxes dozed off immediately, but the older Foxes gathered in the girls' room to drop off the bags they had borrowed for the trip.

In all the commotion, no one really noticed Andrew and Neil leaving together. But right before they slipped out the door, Renee caught sight of them.

"Good night, you two!" she called. Neil turned around and gave her a tired wave, his body slumped on Andrew.

"Wait!" Nicky scrambled off the sofa. "Before I forget: Neil, how did Andrew ask you out?"

Neil blinked sleepily. "Well," he slurred. "He asked if he could blow me."

The room went silent.

Andrew heaved a sigh and dragged Neil out the door, leaving seven wide-eyed, very much awake athletes in their wake. Slowly, everyone turned to Kevin.

"You!" Allison weakly jabbed a finger in his direction. "You knew about this!"

Too late, Kevin realized what Neil's statement meant. Andrew had asked out Neil in front of Kevin. By offering sex. Nothing could have possibly ruined Kevin's night as much as this information had.

He met the Foxes' eyes slowly. Even Renee looked a bit surprised at Neil's admission, but she was clearly biting back a smile. "Trust me," Kevin groaned. "If I had known this had happened, I would have won myself so many bets."

"Damn," Nicky sighed. "I wish Erik and I had such an iconic story. Who knew the quiet, stabby cousin was such a horny gay bastard?"

"I," Aaron announced hotly. "have never wanted to forget a conversation more than this one."

"But Aaron. Andrew asked to blow him."

"Nicky, I swear— "

"OH MY GOD. They're probably having sex right now! Kevin, could you— "

Aaron put his head in his hands. "Please shut up now."

[gemsofthegalaxy]

minkowski for the ask game

oooooooh thank you kindly!!!

First impression

Not gonna lie my first impression was "oh god, a tight-ass lady to counterbalance this goofy guy? they're gonna have her fall for this imbecile aren't they? :/"

Impression now

I love her, she is my wife, she is amazing, iconic, and stunning

also jokes on me because they did not make her fall for eiffel and yet i ship them.

Favorite moment

Ummm it's probably a toss up between her hugging Eiffel that one time (I cry!!!) and "Harpoon??" because that was literally fantastic.

Idea for a story

Umm what if they were back on earth 👉👈 and healing from their trauma 🥺 and she and eiffel kissed 😩😩😩

Unpopular opinion

Geeze uh.. I don't know? Maybe that her having a husband is just like okay and that I often disregard him almost completely because he's more a part of her backstory than an actual character. Also perhaps that she's done nothing wrong because she has done nothing wrong (I love Maxwell but i do not feel bad Renee shot her so um yeah).

Also her taste in musicals is whatever I say it is i don't care what happened in AMAs.

Favorite relationship

Even just the canon brotp between her and Eiffel is just 👌👌👌. Eiffel's relationships to Hera, Minkowski, and Hilbert are really the foundation of the show in my opinion and especially the former two I just loveso much.

Favorite headcanon

she is bi and poly and you cannot take this from me I won't allow it. In the event I consider her husband she is still being shipped with whomever because they are open to that kind of thing.

[willowbird]

Prompts open? Bet maybe foxes(and Andrew) slowly finding out how fucked up Neil’s mom was to him?(I get it was to survive but it was still abuse)

Since this one got kinda... Uh... Long... And answered both of these prompts I decided to combine them!! I didn't include a separate one for Andrew because he's present for a couple of them and by the time I reached the end it was like 6600 words and an Andrew POV would probably add another 2000 because I'm me and I always get carried away with Andrew POV.

If you’d rather read this on AO3 you can do so here.

4 times the Foxes found out how fucked up Mary was to Neil, and the 1 time Neil actually admitted it

ONE - ALLISON

Allison had been taking Neil shopping, which in itself wasn't really a weird occurrence. Allison would take any of her teammates shopping if that's what needed to happen to get them to stop looking like a dirty hobo. As it happened, Neil was just the worst offender and so she pestered him about it more often than not. It was remarkable how the guy could be dating the Monster and still look like that. Not that Andrew Minyard was a fashion icon or anything, but the miniature psychopath at least understood the concept of aesthetic and made sure the people around him wore things that actually fit. 

Well, most of the people around him. 

Point being, Neil needed a bit of extra help, and Allison was more than happy to supply it. So she'd taken to dragging him out shopping with her once a week. It was basically therapy - and fuck if that boy didn't need some of that.

(But Allison wasn't going to say that in front of Neil or he'd probably get hives…)

Usually, the shopping trips all went about the same. Allison would drag Neil along, Neil would acquiesce until he got hungry, then he'd get bitchy and after Allison fed him he'd calm the fuck down enough to try on more things before refusing to get anything. On a very rare occasion she would get him to accept a shirt or a new pair of pants. His weakness was shoes, but she tries not to exploit that too often.

Today, however, was different - because today Allison caught Neil's eyes catching on a particular hoodie. If it had been just once she would have passed it off, but this was at least the fourth time Neil had sought it out in the whole ten minutes they'd been in the narrow clothing store and his eyes didn't just catch, they lingered. Which meant that Neil was interested, that he liked something. This was a breakthrough! Especially since the hoodie was new and had color, rather than the drab shit he was always wearing. It was a very pretty cerulean blue with black stitching and was of a less bulky design than the other two Neil owned (one of which was the Foxes one she'd never seen him wear off-campus). In the proper size it would fit his frame nicely, she could tell just by looking at it, and she was low-key impressed that something with general style had been the thing to catch his eye. 

Allison grinned and nudged him. "Hey, just grab it. You could use a new hoodie."

Neil's attention snapped to her and Allison wasn't prepared for the flash of instinctive panic that raked through his eyes. "No, I didn't- I don't-" He raised his hands apologetically, which was weird, then seemed to catch himself and dropped them immediately. Allison could see him struggling not to look over at the sweatshirt and for the life of her she didn't understand why. But now she needed to know.

She gave him a look. "Uh, yes you did, and you do. What's the big deal? So what, you like it. Get it." She shrugged, hoping nonchalance would encourage him to stop being a weirdo about it.

"Nah," Neil said with a shrug. "It's fine. I've got hoodies."

Allison thought about letting it go, she really did, but she was too curious. But she also knew that the more she seemed to care about the answer she was prodding for, the less likely Neil was going to give it. So she pretended to look at some of the surrounding clothing without really registering what she was shuffling through. "You act like you've never bought something just because you wanted it before," she said with her usual level of scathing judgement.

"It was too dangerous," came Neil's distracted response. When Allison peaked over at him, her hand freezing on the shoulder of a sweater, about to slide it down the rack, she saw that he was looking at the hoodie again, studying it with a too-careful blankness she was beginning to recognize as Neil-in-memory.

"Getting something you wanted was too dangerous?" It was harder this time to keep her tone casual but she managed it well enough that Neil didn't fully snap out of his thoughts, wherever they were.

He shrugged. "It was distracting. If you had things you cared about you'd lose sight of survival, or make stupid mistakes."

Allison just stared at him. "You weren't allowed to have things you wanted… because they'd be distracting? Neil that's really fucked up." 

Neil looked over at her and grimaced, pulling away from the hoodie. "Whatever, it's not a big deal. Come on, are you done shopping yet?"

For another moment Allison stared, then she stalked forward and violently grabbed the hoodie from the rack, ignoring Neil's startled protests. 

"No," she said, pointing at him with her free hand. "You aren't some kid on the run anymore and you don't have to follow your mom's fucked up rules. If you want something, you're going to get it, damn it." If Neil tried to protest again she didn't see it because she'd already whirled around to head up toward the checkout.

Fuck you, Mary.

TWO - DAN

Team Night was something Dan instated right after finals last year. One night a week they all got dinner after practice. The whole team had to be there for at least part of the time. Sometimes they got along, sometimes they fought like half-crazed rabbis raccoons, but they were all together in a situation that wasn't about exy (no matter how many times Kevin or Neil brought it up). If there was anything Dan had learned over her years as Team Captain, it was that they would always operate better on the court if they could also work together off of it.

Tonight they'd gone out to dinner with the whole team before splitting off into various groups back at the dorms. Renee had gone off with Allison and Nicky while Aaron had left right from the restaurant to meet up with Katelyn. The freshmen had split into their own groups - they were still working out their hierarchy among themselves and Dan knew by now that she just had to let it happen - which had left her and Matt and, surprisingly enough, Neil and Andrew. She hadn't really expected the other two to accept her invitation to join them in Matt's room for a movie, but when she's offered Neil had easily agreed and Andrew hadn't protested. 

A part of her had still expected Andrew to peel off and go back to his own dorm once they'd returned to Fox Tower, but the reticent goalkeeper had followed them all into the room with no complaint.

"All right!" Matt announced with a grin once the door was shut and locked behind them, crossing to where he kept the booze. "Power Couple Movie Night! Whatcha guys want? Babe?"

Dan chuckled and rolled her eyes affectionately. "You're ridiculous and I love you. I'll have a whisky sour." She looked to Andrew and Neil. "What about you guys? He just stocked up so there's a bit of everything."

"Babe, you're making me sound like an alcoholic." 

Dan dismissed the complaint with a wave of her hand and smiled over at the other two. 

"Whisky straight." That was Andrew.

Neil just shrugged. "I don't need anything," he said.

"Do you have Dr. Pepper?" Andrew asked, apparently not done.

Matt nodded, lifting a mostly-full two-liter for him to see and setting it on the surface of the cabinet. 

"He'll have that with amaretto."

"Andrew."

"Neil."

Dan tried not to be too obvious about how closely she was watching them. It wasn't even a 'how could they be together?' thing. It was just that… Neil was this big mystery, and Andrew was also a big mystery. And now they were together and that just made the mystery balloon exponentially. The two of them fit together in a way that was somehow both surprising and like nothing in the world could make more sense. They had a whole language together of looks and gestures, of silent understandings that the rest of them couldn't even begin to interpret. In a way, this was just like any other couple. Even now, Dan shot a glance over at Matt and they shared a look of their own before resuming their subtle observations of the other couple. Somehow it was different with Andrew and Neil though. Somehow it seemed… heavier. It was fascinating and also kinda unsettling, which only made Dan want to figure it out even more.

After an extended silence where Neil and Andrew had some indecipherable conversation with their eyes alone, Neil sighed, apparently conceding defeat, and nodded agreement to his boyfriend's drink order. 

"All right! Neilio is drinking with us tonight!" Matt pumped a fist into the air, shattering the residual tension with his enthusiasm. Dan had probably never loved anyone so much in her life.

Neil smirked his own affection for the big lug and flopped onto the couch, Andrew following with less flourish but a level of relaxed comfort that made Dan's heart soar. It was really happening. Andrew was letting himself trust them, letting himself be a part of the team, letting himself be… one of their friends.

Matt finished making their drinks and brought them over on a serving tray he had been a little bit too excited to buy.

Neil took his drink and cautiously sniffed it, wrinkling his nose. "It smells sweet," he complained.

"You have two choices when it comes to liquor, Josten. It either tastes sweet or it tastes like alcohol." Andrew was entirely unsympathetic, though his gaze remained focused on Neil even as he sipped his whisky. Apparently, this was some either-or that Neil was willing to concede to because he sighed and sipped the drink. After a moment he hummed and took another sip. Another sip turned into a second drink as the four of them collectively decided to skip the movie and instead hang out and talk about the worst movies they'd ever seen. Andrew, surprisingly, had a lot to contribute - as he had apparently seen a lot of movies and had Opinions about all of them. It was very weird and kinda surreal, but also made Dan feel almost giddy.

"Well shit, Neil, if it was just a matter of you not liking the taste of alcohol we'd have stocked up on wine coolers ages ago," Matt said as he handed Neil his third glass later on in the night. He grinned and perched on the armrest of her chair. Dan smiled up at him when he put his arm around her, leaning against him and sipping her own drink as she turned her attention back to the other couple.

The other couple. Well, that was weird.

"Nah, I still wouldn't have had anything," Neil said after another, fuller drink. He leaned back, comfortable. Dan noticed that he and Andrew weren't touching but there was still a weird intimacy with their proximity. It hurt her brain to think about so she didn't focus on it overmuch. Then Neil said, "Mom only brought out the alcohol when I needed to be stitched up," and Dan froze with her drink halfway back up to her mouth. Neil didn't seem to notice, looking into his cup as he continued. "No hospitals, you know, and when I was a kid I always cried a lot and was really loud about it unless I was too drunk to feel anything at all."

And when I was a kid I always cried a lot and was really loud unless I was too drunk to feel anything at all.

When I was a kid…

It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. Dan peripherally noticed that she wasn't the only one who had gone still. It was so rare for Neil to say anything about his time before he joined the Foxes. It was even more rare for him to bring up his mother - especially in such a… disturbingly revealing way. 

Matt was the one to break the silence. "When you say you were a kid you mean…?" There was a false lightness in his voice, like he was trying not to alert Neil to how much he was revealing. Andrew cut him a glare but then looked to Neil without interrupting.

Neil shrugged, swirling his glass lightly, apparently fascinated with the ice as it clinked gently against the sides of the glass. He poked at them with his mixing straw. "Mm, Lola scared me, y'know? I didn't want her to stitch me up. So I begged mum. Dad would hurt her too if she couldn't keep me quiet. I tried, but being noisy was always a problem for me. 's how I usually got in trouble anyhow. Or by not being still enough. Or dropping knives." Neil shivered, his free hand rubbing against a spot on his abdomen like he was worrying away at a memory, some phantom ache from a past that he could never quiet escape from.

Andrew, apparently, had decided this was enough. He reached forward and pulled the glass from Neil's hand with a gentleness that shouldn't surprise Dan anymore. He set the glass on the table and stood, then tugged Neil up with him. He didn't let go of the striker's hand even when he got the other man standing. Once he was sure the other would be steady he glanced over at them with a dark, steady threat in his eyes. "We are leaving now."

A sound beside her alerted Dan to the beginning of Matt's protest and she elbowed him before he could complete it. In its place, she gave a strained smile and nodded. "Of course. You guys are probably tired. See you tomorrow!"

Neil raised his hand in a small wave but he still seemed a little lost, his expression closed, his mind somewhere else. 

When the door closed behind them, Matt stood up and walked over to lock it, then he stood there for a moment before turning to face her. His expression was dark and angry and echoed the storm stirring in his own heart.

"Neil went on the run when he was ten."

It might have seemed a random statement, but Dan was following the same line of thought and she nodded. They'd known that Neil's dad was a bastard, knew he'd been hurt by him and his people when they'd been on the run and it wasn't a far toss to infer that he'd been hurt earlier too. But this confirmation was blood-chilling. Mary's part in it was not comforting.

"She did nothing, Dan. She did nothing. She let him get hurt and then she got him drunk as a little fucking kid to stitch him up again. I know it was a fucked up situation, and I'm sure it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows for her but fuck Dan. Fuck."

Dan nodded, setting down her drink and rising from the chair so she could go to Matt. She knew that she only had a surface understanding of the situation. She couldn't imagine what Mary might have gone through herself, but she couldn't find enough compassion in her heart to make excuses for her. Maybe that made her heartless, she didn't fucking care. What she cared about was that Mary let her own son be hurt badly enough that he needed to get drunk and get stitched up over and over again, before and after they went on the run. What she cared about was that Mary hurt her son over and over herself in order to control him, to keep him under her thumb. Maybe she did it because that's how she thought she was protecting him but intentions meant shit.

Lesser evils were still evil.

There are always choices, always options, and Mary's choices had traumatized Neil just as much as the Butcher's had. Maybe Neil had complicated feelings about his mother but Dan didn't. She had a very clear opinion, actually.

Fuck you, Mary.

THREE - MATT

"Okay so, but why Andrew?" Matt didn't mean anything negative with the question, but he flipped a hand in apology when Neil glared over at him. "I didn't mean it that way. I mean like -- is your type short, blond, and stabby or…?"

"I don't have a type. I don't swing."

Well that made no sense.

"Except for Andrew," Matt clarified, reminding Neil that he was self-admittedly committed to the Monster.

Neil nodded without hesitation. "Except for Andrew," he agreed.

"Right… but… why? Why only Andrew? Didn't you ever like… like other guys, or girls?" Matt studied his best friend, desperate to understand him. He wasn't even being anti-Andrew about this, he was just trying to learn more about Neil and this integral part of him. Neil said he didn't swing, and then of all people to fall for - he falls for Andrew. Matt had thought that maybe Neil had been shy about admitting he was gay or something, but Neil was pretty confident about the whole not-swinging thing. Matt got that there were other sexualities out there, but the idea of just… not wanting anything just didn't make sense to him.

He was surprised when Neil actually said -- "Sure, yeah, when I was like, fourteen or whatever. I wouldn't say I liked anyone, but I noticed girls."

Matt blinked and looked over at him, letting the game controller rest on his lap. "Wait, you did?"

Neil shrugged. "Yeah, but it wasn't allowed so…"

"It wasn't… allowed?" Matt frowned, lost.

"My mom knew they'd be a distraction, that it was too dangerous for me to fall for someone. I don't think it occurred to her that I might like a guy, so when she realized I was noticing girls she made sure I didn't anymore."

Matt was silent for a long moment, letting the implication of that sink in. "When you said she 'made sure' you didn't notice girls…?"

Neil shrugged. "I was stupid. Just telling me wasn't going to do anything." But his friend's casual nonchalance was gone and Matt watched as the other man withdrew into himself. His expression closed down and he scratched his nails through his hair, against his scalp in an anxious tick Matt was pretty sure Neil didn't even realize he did.

A flare of rage heated his lungs and it took concentrated effort to swallow it down. He could imagine what Mary might have done to her son to drill the lesson home. 

"That's really fucked up, Neil."

Neil just shrugged, then nodded at the tv. "Are you gonna play or what?" Matt could see that his friend didn't want to talk about it so he let it go, but he wasn't going to forget it.

"Yeah. How about you order some pizza or something? I'm getting fucking hungry." A bit of the tension broke and Neil flashed him a small smile before pushing off the couch to go get his phone to make the order. Matt watched him go and took another breath to make sure his anger was packed away for later.

Fuck you, Mary.

FOUR - NICKY

Christmas! Nicky was so fucking excited about Christmas this year. Not only would Erik be coming into town, but the whole family would be there! Well, the family that mattered anyway. Aaron was bringing Katelyn, Andrew would be there and participating, and Neil was staying with them for the entirety of winter break. It was going to be amazing!!

Already, in the few days since school had let out, Nicky had set about Christmas-ifying the whole house and it was looking amazing if he did say so himself, which he did.

Today was going to be particularly exciting because he had managed to get Neil to agree to go Christmas shopping with him. Erik would be arriving tomorrow morning and Nicky still hadn't gotten his present. Or Aaron's. Or Andrew's. Or Neil's… He'd gotten Katelyn's though! He'd seen an absolutely gorgeous sweater at the mall the other week in just her color so he'd swiped it up. Point being, he had some catching up to do and he suspected that Neil was also behind on his Christmas shopping.

This was confirmed shortly after they arrived at the mall and Nicky asked Neil what he'd gotten for Andrew.

Neil blinked at him, like he was caught off guard by the question. 

"I don't think we're getting each other anything," he said, looking downright confused.

"Oh. Oh Neil. Oh Neil no. No, you are definitely getting gifts for each other. You're a couple!"

Neil looked vaguely uncomfortable as he shrugged, but he didn't deny the label and Nicky counted that as progress. "I don't think we're the gift-giving kind…"

Clearly, Neil hadn't been paying attention to the fact that Andrew had been gifting Neil at every fucking opportunity since they'd met. Clothes, keys, food, drinks, more clothes, a phone. At first, Nicky had just thought it was Andrew being possessive in the way he was possessive of all the people he'd decided we're his. It wasn't until after the two had come clean about their relationship (relationship!!!) that Nicky had thought back and realized that Andrew wasn't half as generous with the rest of them. Honestly, Nicky was a bit embarrassed for not noticing it all sooner. This whole time, Nicky thought he was being cryptic when he was just being really, really gay. For shame.

"Mm, well," Nicky hedged, feeling pity for the poor blind idiot. At least he was cute. "You're wrong, but we won't get into it. Just trust me when I say that Andrew has definitely gotten you something." Probably multiple things, actually, but Nicky didn't want to shock the poor cute dummy. "And you can't tell me that you don't want to give him a gift." Nicky stopped, frowning at Neil in disapproval.

"It's not that," Neil admitted, and Nicky wasn't sure he'd ever seen the younger man look more awkward. 

"Then what is it. Come on, kid, tell Uncle Nicky."

Neil made a face. "Only if you never say that again."

Nicky laughed, though he realized Neil had a point. That might have been a bit much. "Deal. So what is it?"

Neil shrugged, fidgeting in a restless way that Nicky recognized as one of Neil's tells when he was uncertain or nervous. Neil was someone who needed to be in motion, someone who needed to do things. Nicky related to that, heavily, so he linked his arm through Neil's and tugged him into walking again. The motion seemed to help, and after a few minutes, Neil finally spoke up.

"I've never really done the whole Christmas or birthday thing. Especially not since me and my mom, you know…" He drifted off vaguely, gesturing with one hand like that's was supposed to indicate all the time he and his mom were running from his psycho dad and his evil butcher-buddy minions. Nicky nodded like it had and Neil continued. "It just feels… weird, you know. Like it's a thing that real people do. They go to school and they have holidays with families that don't want to kill them or each other. They buy each other presents that they don't need and that's… normal. But it just doesn't make sense to me."

There was a lot to unpack there, but Nicky's mind caught on the first thing Neil had said and it kept replaying over and over on his head like a skipping record.

Like it's a thing that real people do.

Like Neil wasn't… real.

Nicky stopped walking again, his heart clenching suddenly in his chest. "Wait, hold on. Rewind. Neil, you realize that you are a real person, right?"

Tension wiped Neil's face into an awful blankness and normally Nicky would let it go. He'd make a joke and try and get them back to something lighter, but this was… something was just so wrong about that and he couldn't ignore it.

"Neil," he implored, hands on both the younger man's shoulders, gripping tightly, willing him to open up to him.

Maybe it was a testament to the season of sharing, or maybe it was proof that he and Neil had come a long way since those first few months over a year ago, but for whatever reason, Neil didn't brush him off and he didn't pull away. Instead, he sighed and gave a small shrug, shuffling his feet as he apparently searched for the right words like they were hidden between his shoelaces.

"I didn't feel real for a long time, you know. I couldn't be. Mom was the one who made all the identities for me, the one who chose the names and the covers. She was the one who created everything about the boys I was supposed to be, down to their interests in school and outside of it, just in case someone asked me when she wasn't around. She'd test me on them. I studied those boys with more dedication than I studied for my classes when I was actually in school."

Nicky frowned, confused. "What about your interests and what you were like."

Neil shrugged. "I didn't have any. I wasn't like anything, unless you can count fear as a personality trait."

That… didn't make sense. Neil was saying words, and individually, Nicky knew what they meant, but his brain was struggling to comprehend exactly what they meant when put together in that order. 

"But… that's not possible. What about when you saw something you liked, or wanted, or did something that you just… enjoyed. A tv show or, fuck, math. You like math right? That's a part of your personality." He heard the desperation in his own voice but he was too distracted by the conundrum of Neil's 'I wasn't a real person's reveal that he didn't even care to attempt to rein it in.

"Not until I got to Palmetto," Neil admitted. "I didn't have to take a math class my senior year because my forged transcripts already had the required number of classes to graduate and it seemed conspicuous to take more than that. Your average teenager doesn't like math."

"But you thought about it, right? When you were signing up for classes, you thought about adding math, then actively chose not to." A picture of understanding was beginning to form and Nicky felt a little bit sick with what it showed.

Neil frowned, like he was thinking about it, then gave a small nod of reluctant agreement.

"So… there was something you liked, something that was you and you just, what, instinctively went 'No, bad idea'. Why?"

"It's what my mom would have done," was Neil's instant, confident reply. He hadn't even had to think about that one. Then, to Nicky's horror, he elaborated with, "Mom was a stickler on that kind of stuff. If I liked something, if I felt pulled to anything, it was dangerous and bad. I learned quickly enough to avoid anything that interested me so it wouldn't distract me. Surviving was what was important."

Yeah. Yeah Nicky definitely felt a bit sick now. 

"When you say that you 'learned quickly enough'...?" Nicky wasn't sure he actually wanted to know, but that didn't stop him from asking the question.

"Mom--" Neil actively stopped himself this time. "It isn't important. Look… are we going to go shopping or what?"

Nicky wasn't willing to let it go. "Neil. Did she… like, hurt you? For having interests?"

Now Neil looked more than just a little uncomfortable, and the way he didn't meet Nicky's eyes was all the answer he needed. Nicky wanted to hug Neil just then, but he managed, at the last second, to hold himself back. He'd probably pushed harder than he should have already and he was trying to be better about boundaries. Instead he squeezes his shoulders and then pulled his hands away.

"Well, come on. Let's finish shopping. I'll help you pick out something for Andrew if you aren't sure what to get him." 

Neil looked so visibly relieved that Nicky's heart broke. "Ah, yeah… thanks Nicky." The small smile he shot him was enough that Nicky forgot the boundary thing and just hugged him. Ugh, that poor kid. No wonder he was so confused whenever anyone was kind to him if his own mother had treated him like he wasn't even a real person to the point where Neil had legitimately started to believe it. Nicky had his issues with his parents, all the Foxes did -- it was part of what made them Foxes -- but this was kind of another level.

Nicky kept his arm around Neil's shoulders as he lead the younger man off to shop, now determined to make this the best fucking Christmas ever. Because Neil was a real fucking person and he deserved that frivolous normalcy. He deserved to like things and to want things.

Fuck you, Mary.

+1 - AARON

Aaron didn't usually care about whatever was happening in Josten's weird little brain. It wasn't a place he was eager to explore, to be perfectly fucking honest, and he was unfortunate enough to be subjected with the assshole's proximity often enough as it was. However, it was hard to ignore the man when he was having a literal mental breakdown right in front of him. He wished he could. He wished he could turn around and walk away, shut the door, and go back to not caring. Unfortunately, parallels had just been drawn that he couldn't unsee and now turning his back on Neil almost felt personal. It was incredibly uncomfortable and for a long moment Aaron just sat there, silent, in the wake of what just happened.

It had gone like this:

Andrew and Neil had been on separate ends of the couch doing homework. Nicky and Kevin were still sleeping off the trip to Eden's Twilight last night, and Aaron was slowly letting himself wake up to a hot cup of coffee and some random show on tv. Then that random show had transitioned into some kind of true crime show that had dragged everyone's attention to the screen with a single word.

Wesninski.

As it turned out, the show wasn't actually about the Wesninskis, but rather about crime in Europe. The Wesninski mention was due to the current segment on the Hatfords, a British crime syndicate -- the one Neil's mother hailed from. It was her picture on the screen when their collective attention all snapped to the screen, and the tension in the room suddenly increased tenfold.

Mothers were a bit of a complicated topic for everyone in the room. It was also probably the one thing that Andrew was unwilling to touch with a ten-foot pole, not even for Neil - and Aaron was long since past denying that those two had something going on far deeper than sexual tension and a disdain for ninety percent of humanity. 

So the room had frozen, holding a breath with a shared lung. Then Andrew had stood, moving to snatch up the remote so he could turn off the TV when Neil said, "No."

Aaron had never seen Andrew stop so fast in his life. His twin's face remained blank, but there was a darkness in his eyes that Aaron was queasily familiar with. It was a cruel, angry darkness and he didn't envy Neil for being the subject of it as Andrew turned his gaze on the striker. 

"If you want to cry over that bitch I am not going to stick around to suffer it." The words came out low and hissed and even Aaron could hear the sharp rage beneath the forced facade of indifference Andrew was attempting to keep in place.

Neil looked like he wanted to hit Andrew but he managed to keep his response to a sharp, venomous, "Fuck you." 

Andrew held the remote up to eye level then dropped it. It landed hard enough on the table that it bounced off, the back popping off and the batteries scattering. Then he was striding out the front door. Aaron expected it to slam, but somehow the gentle click of it just under the murmur of the crime show was just as finite.

It was like getting to watch a moment he'd lived over and over again over the course of years from the outside for the first time. In fact, it wasn't like that - that's what it was. Something anxious and sick curled in the pit of his stomach as Aaron looked from the closed door to Neil's tense, shaken form. He hated this. He hated sympathising with Neil. He hated understanding Andrew's anger. He hated not being able to pick a side. Aaron had heard enough about Mary Hatford to know that she was just as fucked up as Nathan Wesninski, dragging her son around, forcing him into isolation, beating him, fucking him over socially for his whole damn life when she probably could have just saved them both by either going straight to the FBI or calling up her own crime family. He knew that Neil didn't blame his mom when he probably should. He knew he made excuses, that he grieved for her. He knew he missed her and he also knew that it was really, supremely fucked up.

He also knew that he was just as guilty for the unworthy idolization of an abuser. It had taken him years to get to the point where he was willing to admit that, though. It was meeting Katelyn that had him finally looking at his past with a sobering dose of reality. It was only after months of wrestling with himself that he'd finally been able to accept the truth. Months of Katelyn's steadfast support, months of sessions with Bee beyond the joint sessions with Andrew, months of introspection that left him mentally and emotionally wrung dry -- and Tilda hadn't had half the physical and emotional ammo that Mary Hatford had probably levied against her young son.

Aaron watched Neil vibrate in place, watched his hands curl and his throat work, watched the pain and the rage and the grief flash through his eyes even as he tried to swallow it all down. He watched Neil, but he saw himself, and it was more than disconcerting.

He didn't make the conscious decision to speak before he said, "I get it." In fact, he almost didn't realize he had spoken until Neil snapped his attention over to him like he'd forgotten he was still in the room at all.

Neil didn't respond, probably too caught up with the war in his own head to form words -- a rarity for the loud-mouthed striker.

"She was all you had," Aaron said, and he wasn't sure if he was actually talking to Neil, or talking to the version of himself that still clung to the corner of his memories, desperate to validate the only person that might have loved him, the one person that should have loved him, when he needed it the most. "She was all you had, and that's what kept you going. Not her rules and not whatever it was that she did to make sure you survived. That it was her and you, that you had each other, and that that meant something. She'd do whatever it took to protect you, she was the only one who would do that, and it was everything, right?"

He could tell by the widening of Neil's eyes that he'd hit the nail on the head. He didn't look away as he continued with his truths, knowing he was probably the only person that had ever vocalized an understanding -- that he was probably the only person who could understand. 

"And then she was gone. And it wasn't only her that died. It was everything that she was supposed to be. She died, and all you had left were the 'almost's and 'not enough's and the 'never again's. And if you let yourself believe that she was just as bad then everything was for nothing. All the times you cared. All the times you tried. All the times you did everything you could to be what she expected of you. None of it would matter, because she was gone, and she could never redeem herself, and it was all pointless." Aaron heard his voice like someone else was speaking. It was too calm, too quiet, too knowing. It didn't feel the desert in his chest, scorching and dry and far too exposed. He saw Neil's reaction like he was looking in a mirror and it was more than a little bit unsettling. He understood the flash of anger in his eyes, the stubborn refusal in the set of his jaw, then the reluctant acceptance when his shoulders dropped. Aaron hated understanding anything about Neil Josten. He hated even more that it was this that they had to share. Something so raw, so close to home it had a permanent home inside his chest, nestled between his lungs. It wasn't fair.

Then again, he was a Fox for a reason he guessed. Life just wasn't fucking fair to a Fox.

Neil looked away, then deflated against his corner of the couch. He tilted his head back and Aaron saw his throat work as he fought emotions neither of them wanted Aaron to be a witness to. Aaron averted his eyes. He only looked up again when Neil spoke. The other man's voice was quiet but steady.

"The one thing she harped on most, more than anything else, was how attachments to anyone or anything other than my own survival were going to get me killed. Even to her. She told me so many times to run, leave her behind, but I… I never could. She never left me behind, even when there were times when I wanted her to. She'd probably be rolling in her grave if she could see me now…" Neil's voice drifted off as his gaze locked on the front door over Aaron's shoulder. Aaron didn't need to be psychic to know that he was thinking specifically about Andrew, about how much he'd risked for Andrew - not just to be with him, but also to protect him. Going to Evermore, allowing Nathan's men to take him quietly… yeah, Mary probably wouldn't be too happy about that, and not in the caring, not wanting Neil hurt way. She'd be pissed that Neil cared about something so much to take that risk, after all she'd done to try and beat that ability out of him.

"She was trying to make me soulless," Neil said without taking his eyes away from the door. "She hated it so much whenever I showed any glimmer of a personality. Whenever I was anything other than a possession she kept and controlled. My mother loved me, in her own way…" His mouth tensed, pursed, then he looked at Aaron.

For a moment, the two of them just looked at each other, a shared understanding between them.

"That's not enough," Aaron finally said.

Neil looked down, then up, meeting his eyes. "No," he agreed, "it's not."

On the tv, the show was still talking about the Hatfords. Not all that much time had actually passed since the segment started. Neil looked at the tv, then stood and gathered up the scattered pieces of the remote. He put it back together and spared one more glance at the screen, which now showed a picture of the Hatford family at some event when Mary and her brothers were teenagers. Then he lifted the remote and resolutely changed the channel.

"I'm going to take the car to pick up some food, you want anything?" Neil asked as he moved to get his shoes, then take his keys from the hook near the door.

Aaron snorted. "No. I'll order something if I get hungry." There was still some time until he'd want lunch, but he knew this dance by now. Neil and Andrew would drive off together. If he wanted food he was better off taking it into his own hands. It was entirely likely the other two wouldn't be back until closer to dinner.

Neil nodded once, then was out the door. Aaron watched him go, then sighed and turned back to his coffee, considering it.

He didn't like sharing something with Neil fucking Josten. It was annoying and uncomfortable. But all the same… he understood. And like it or not, they were tied together now. Maybe he wasn't ready to say 'fuck you' to the memory of his own mother, and Neil definitely wasn't ready to do the same regarding Mary Hatford, but they could acknowledge the similarities in their stories and that was a start -- for both of them.

Aaron sighed and closed his eyes. He pointedly didn't think about his own mother and instead let himself eagerly latch onto the other man's sympathetic demon as he thought, with vehemence, 'Fuck you, Mary.'

[flyandfamousblackgirls]

RASHIDA RENEÉ WANTS YOU TO KNOW YOUR HISTORY by  Alexis Rene Moten (Culture Jock)

Let’s start this article with a quiz: Name a Black model from the 1990’s that isn’t Naomi Campbell or Tyra Banks?

Stumped? It’s safe to say that if the question were asked to name a White model that wasn’t Kate Moss or Cyndi Crawford, best case scenario you would’ve excelled with a list to provide. Maybe something like: Linda Evangelista, Claudia Schiffer, Christy Turlington, Shalom Harlow, Carla Bruni, Heidi Klum..you get my point.

At times, Pop Culture can be a fair-weather friend. Monday’s It-girl becomes Friday’s nobody and by Sunday there’s a new hot thing in town to get all the girls in a fuss. But as nostalgia-trends rises as capitalism’s newest enterprise, endorsed largely by social media app, Instagram, history is being retold by the agenda of it’s curator. The selective hearing of  Instagram accounts like @90scelebvibes (391K followers) and @90sanxiety (793K followers) present a facade that the past was rather beige, leaving largely out the credit due to the Black and people of color creatives that developed and inspired the trends imitated today.

Bay area based, Fashion archivist Rashida Reneé, takes on self-love to a familial level celebrating her love and the appreciation of Black designers, models and other fashion industry influencers that otherwise go forgotten in our modern culture. In fashion, as in anything else, things old become anew. However, Reneé takes on the responsibility as a trend gatekeeper, providing evidence of what fashion used to be and recognizing the faces we longed forgotten.  

Q: Name a Black model from the 1990’s that isn’t Naomi Campbell or Tyra Banks?

A: Beverly Peele,  Gail O’Neill, Iman, Kara, Young, Karen Alexander,  Louise Vyent, Roshumba, Veronica Webb, etc.

Culture Jock: What is a typical day for the most hated hoe in the city?

RR: (laughs) It’s weird, I kind of like to keep it to myself. Keep track of what I like and my thoughts. I don’t know. I'm very low-key person in real life, but when I do leave the house (pauses) I do, I promise! I just like my personal time, but when it’s time to be out I am present, as much as possible. I do what I do becauseII like giving information to people and give them links and information just so they know.

CJ: What brought you into fashion archiving?

RR: My whole archiving process was originally for myself and filling in spots of information where there it was empty of black people. Of course, there is street fashion, but in terms of online fashion, sites like Manrepeller, you didn’t see a lot of black girls doing it and the people doing it I thought were lame. Finding other black people who weren’t anti-black in those kind of spaces. I felt a lot of people were trying to make us to assimilate. Everyone was kind of like doing the same things and it was like, ‘Naomi Campbell!’ But if it were any other dark girl it didn’t matter. So, I started my own blog and then I had to stop myself from posting Naomi Campbell’s photos too. I would do one picture of Naomi Campbell a day and try to really give props to other black woman involved and black people in general. When I was younger I was familiar with the other models not just Naomi Campbell, my mom was really in it with Naomi. She worked in a beauty salon, which had magazines of all the models. Like, black hair magazines, they always listed the models so, no matter what you knew who they were. Whoever it was in the 90s, ‘this is who that is and this who that is.’ You’d see the oldest Destiny Child’s video shoots in black hair magazines. I just haven’t seen other people doing that. There are other girls now that focus more on Hip Hop in 90s and 2000s. Livejournal, fashion spot, Tumblr, people didn’t go out of their way to scan the black models or even try to name them. It’s funny, people online, they don’t even try to hide their biases. No one was really fashion blogging the way I like or how I see .

CJ:In your piece for Office Magazine you mention, from Patrick Kelley to today’s influence of Dapper Dan, American culture from its roots drips of Black influence and culture. Why do you think Black culture is so immutable and where do you see the ownership of our creations.

RR: People I mean know, it’s just like, it’s weird and odd to even talk about. Not just people referencing me or copying, I feel like I am being gaslit all the time or being told that. People love stealing from black people. People love stealing from black people. People love stealing from black people and lying about it. People hate black people but they think we are cool. I can’t even (pauses)yeah it’s very weird. The twitter thing is weird (sighs).

CJ: It is weird.

RR: (sighs) It’s not really helping them. It’s boring to live with no personality. To see someone interesting and steal from them to bolster themselves. [On social media] we have the means to share with each other, like, moments that are of shared experiences of oppression and that is even imitated. I don’t know why the copy of things are okay. It is such a multi-layered thing. Or the way the Stans talk like mainly the Black queer and Black trans talk and how all of that is now being used by everyone. Ariana Grande, ya know, icons talk like girls on the ballrooms did back in 2006. Parodying things. It helps them develop their own brand, I don’t understand their fascination with us anyway. I’m into my own shit and own culture. I like the way black people express themselves and other people use us and what we do to talk to each other or communicate and then take that to feel cool. I’ve always been,like, ‘why would someone want to be like this?’ or pretend. I don’t get it. People run out of content. I know people used to make fun of me and the things I used to be and ironically they are into it now. People need to find their own hobbies. They are bored.

CJ: The internet is complex. It’s a parody of itself.

RR: Knowing your history is important. You need to know where you came from to know where you are going. When it comes to fashion archives the question is, ‘what is it that you are looking for or trying to highlight?’ My concern is that fashion archiving is feeding into nostalgic trends, where it’s easier to mimic what was done before rather then create new moments. Do you share the same sentiments?

CJ: What is it about fashion that excites you?

RR: It’s so fun and so funny. The dolls are taking over. That’s how most things go, the things that happened come back with a hyper focus. It really is going full out now. It’s interesting to see how people are dressing now. [Fashion] is always reflective of the political climate. Think about the 80s everyone is dressing like a dickhead. Then when people got sick of dressing like a dickhead, minimalism comes in. We cycle through trends so fast, today. I remember a girl wearing a hair clips and no one was into it. Then the next week everyone was wearing them, then I see Cyndi Lauper in an interview wearing hair clips. She’s like 50-something and she’s wearing hair clips made out of Swarovski crystals. It’s so interesting. It’s funny how it happens. Now everyone is into fashion.

CJ: Who are your biggest fashion influences ?

RR: My biggest influences are Naomi Campbell and my mom. Girls I follow on the internet. My mom is from San Francisco lives her own life and is very eclectic. I get a lot from her and different taste. Foxy Brown is also very inspiring, I reference her a lot I think about her and Steven Miesel. Steven knows how to do everything. Steven can do everything. Everyone knows I am a crazy Beyoncé fan. But, I have different girls for different moods. My main inspo is Naomi and Foxy Brown. I really gravitated to Foxy because she was more into Prada and Chloe when Stella McCartney was there. Because of Foxy I love Chloe. She was very cool. Naomi is, you just aspire to that level of greatness. There is no one else. Even in her flaws she handles them so well. I can’t imagine someone else with that kind of rap sheet to not get fully canceled. I judge people by how they react to criticism. She handles it really well. I find that really inspiring.

CJ: What film or television do you think has the best fashion catalog? If you could what character's closet would you love to raid?

RR: I am so frazzled. There’s so much stuff I like. I write things down specifically, because I can never remember. I watched The Nanny last year with Fran Drescher, when I was really depressed and was like, ‘Wow this is inspiring.’ Brenda Cooper, her mind. Everyone had a look in. Pose, is another one. Everything has intentions from the main characters to the background characters. I really like the first season of costume design. It’s commitment to that era. Someone is always dressed like, Karen White or Jodi Whitley. Elektra is very dynasty, that high lady energy. I love that about the show. I love Glow, the costume designer, Beth Morgan. I love when people do era shows, specifically the 80s and they don’t try to soften it, especially in makeup or hair. They aren’t scared to embrace the ugliness, I love that. That’s what good costume design is about. High fashion is easy, but what really gets me is watching old movies and looking at the clothes.  

CJ: We are moving into a new decade of 2020. I have a feeling it may be the year of 2020 vision and final clarity. What are your aspirations for this new era and what do you hope to see from the world?

RR: I feel like the children are our future. That’s what I’m looking at, to see what the kids are into. People are more focused into what they look like and I remember if someone dressed a little bit out of fashion it was a huge deal and get talked about. But now they are embracing their weirdness and experimenting. Do you watch that Tik Tok stuff? I just want a regular life. Happy, healthy, all my kids are happy and healthy. When I move to [Los Angeles] and get hotter, hotter and I want to  become, what is that called, a wellness person? I want a Goop moment, but with Solange aesthetics. Maybe make a propaganda film to get people to stop wearing wigs.

[sunshinesteves]

my favorite hamilfilm moments:

groff doing the intro as kg3..."enjoy my show" klasfjskfd

everyone except burr is wearing all white in alexander hamilton...probably some metaphor in there (alex gets his brown coat at the end of the song tho)

the lil punching motion lin does at "i may have punched him"

"you punched the bursur?" *snappy finger gun* "YES"

I LOVE THE REVOLUTIONARY SET THAT IS ALL

oak's beanie

the fact that my shot is just hamilton yelling about the revolution in a bar and everyone's like "what the fuck is happening"

at "i think your pants look hot" when oak puts his leg on the bench and swooshes his cape back and anthony and daveed start CACKLING...idk if it wasn't scripted or if they just laugh at it every time. either way it's incredible

the lil woah woah woaaaahhhh encore between my shot and story of tonight

lafayette's "let's have another round tonight" is. so funny

peggy is PISSED OFF. mood

EVERYTHING about burr and angelica in schuyler sisters. renee's facial expressions. her shoving the paper at him and then pushing him away. SO GOOD

literally everything about farmer refuted. lin's smile like "w-what the fuck-" seabury moving the box to try to be in front of hamilton. them trying to push each other off the box. burr RUSHING in to stop hamilton sfjslfksf

"why so sad?" *sad face*

that one shot from the back of the stage of chris right before he turns arond and enters in right hand man

LADIES!!!

the lil grapevine "hey, hey" dance at the end of winter's ball...and also anthony's smile when he's doing it

during helpless jazzy and anthony are just chilling talking on the staircase in the back...BEST COUPLE

HAHAHA PEGGY'S DANCE AT "ONE WEEK LATER" WITH THE LETTERS

eliza saying HA right to the audience

HAMILTON'S DANCE AFTER GETTING ENGAGED AND ELIZA KINDA GETS INTO IT TOO

eliza’s face at “angelica tried to take a bite of me” alkfjaslfaj

FLOWER GIRL HERCULES MULLIGAN

all right all right that's what i'm tawwwwwkin aboutttt

alskfjaa alex is just standing facing the audience and the whole male ensemble comes up and turns him to face eliza

DEBBY RYAN FACE

PEGGY DOES THE DANCE AGAIN. ICONIC

the take a break outro plays right in between satisfied and story of tonight (reprise) for a seconds...UM

oak’s headband

this fuckin thing (best moment of the whole show no cap)

and when laurens stops, lafeyette and mulligan keep dancing and they’re like. flossing?? idk but it’s so good

anthony’s face at “on the siiiiide buuurrr” DLSKAFJ

and oak starts grinding on him while making kissy faces. incredible

leslie odom jr....god damn

idk why but lin’s face at “but every day he dismisses out of hand” is so fucking funny

THE WAY LESLIE SAYS “OK SO WE’RE DOING THIS” ALDKFJASDF HE’S SO DONE

there are so many moments where lin just smiles when like. he probably isn’t supposed to?? it’s v pure tbh...i think he was just happy to be there which. mood. 

burr just JUMPS on the ledge during guns and ships lmaoooo

DAVEED DIGGS WAS HAVING THE TIME OF HIS FUCKING LIFE

the dance daveed does at “sir he knows what to do in the trench”

when oak blows the audience a kiss and sticks his tongue out at them after his part in yorktown 

“i’m so blue” *stomps* *lights change to blue*

lafayette and mulligan reading their letters from mr laurens in the back while eliza reads alex’s...haha i’m in pain 

“i practiced the law, i practically perfected it” SWOOSH

the way alex introduces the constitution like it’s the next big tv show or something asjfklasf

jefferson waving to the audience and sauntering down the staircase

oak as madison is so funny to me just because the clothes just...look small on him. like i get that they technically do fit him he’s just a huge dude so they don’t. look like they do

AKSLFASF there’s one part where jefferson just runs over to madison and tries to put his leg up on his shoulder or something? and madison just pushes it down like “thomas. no” alsjfas iconic

hamilton sticking his hand IN BETWEEN jefferson and washington to introduce himself

daveed is just. prancing. like a pony

in cabinet battle 1 jefferson drops the mic into madison’s hand

whatever the fuck lin is doing at “whatever the hell it is you do in monticello”

how does anthony pull off playing a 9 year old boy so well akldfjasd

ELIZA BEATBOXING GO OFF PIPPA

philip finishes his rap, hugs alex aggressively, throws his hands up, then RUNS off stage. mood

angelica and eliza in take a break..........pure

JASMINE CEPHAS JONES. GOD DAMN

love how alex just has a whole ass woman in his lap

the “talk less, smile more” in room where it happened...ily lin

“i’ve no where else to turn!” LEAVES

THE TABLECLOTH THING

saklfdf jefferson literally prances (PRANCES) over to madison and puts the mic to his mouth and he just goes “...france” SO QUIETLY

hamilton holding up king louis’s head

burr walking up behind jefferson for washington on your side and jefferson’s like ????? where the fuck did you come from what

WHICH I WROTE

whatever the fuck they’re doing at “southern motherfucking democratic republicans” askfjasdkf

CHRISTOPHER JACKSON. SIR.

washington and kg3 just. lookin at each other for a sec.

“country”

ariana debose telling kg3 about adams...she starts laughing and the look he gives her....queen ily

kg3′s dancing in adams administration. why is he even there lol

maria on the side of the stage during we know

jefferson’s “whaaAAAAAA”

and also jefferson’s "my god”. daveed ily

ariana debose being the only ensemble member in an act 1 revolution coat during hurricane...there’s a metaphor there. i think

maria handing hamilton the quill for the reynolds pamphlet

jefferson’s lil dance when he’s sitting on the table klsfjasld

jefferson making it rain. king george is. there. what is happening

PHILIPPA SOO. MY QUEEN

anthony’s hands at “the ladies say my brain’s not where the resemblance stop” SIR

philip’s just yelling up at the ledge from the stage which is. so funny to me. 

EVERYTHING IS LEGAL IN NEW JERSEY

philip goes flying...but in slow motion....fuck

props to anthony for being able to sing like that while lying on his back

THE SCREAM NO

poor madison is so choked up over philip awwwww

at “to get hamilton on your side” jefferson is just shaking his head aggressively. i mean mood

how excited burr looks when hamilton makes his decision because he assumes he’ll choose him...and then the look of shock + disappointment

“as your vice president! “MMBLAAAAA” daveed WHAT was that noise

the ensemble handing burr like 7 letters from hamilton in a row

anthony playing both laurens and philip in the world was wide enough...he just kinda turns around to switch characters alsdfja

EVERYONE IN ALL WHITE AGAIN EXCEPT ELIZA, ANGELICA, BURR AND HAMILTON LIN

ik people have different opinions on the end with lin taking her hand and everything, but i heard someone say that it’s lin as himself (not hamilton) showing eliza that he’s telling her story...tears.

THE GASP OH MY GOD

that is...a lot. it was so good. FUCK–

[krashlynandthekids]

Inside the Miami Wedding of Soccer Stars Ali Krieger and Ashlyn Harris

By Alexandra Macon : Vogue

Orlando Pride and U.S. Women’s National Team goalkeeper Ashlyn Harris and defender Ali Krieger are one of sport’s most beloved couples. They first met in 2010 at USWNT training camp, where they became fast friends. “I just found her to be so captivating and always wanted to be around her,” Ali says. “She’s someone who seemed so confident and comfortable with herself, and I was so attracted to that.” The two began a romantic relationship, which they kept secret for a long time out of fear of losing endorsement deals, despite the fact that hardcore soccer fans suspected they were a couple long before they ultimately decided to go public. After almost 10 years of dating, they tied the knot over the holidays in a wedding that was a non-stop, weekend-long party and served as a reunion for many of the USWNT team members. It also capped off a World Cup winning season in which these athletes made front-page headlines for their powerful stances off the field as well as their talent on it.

Ashlyn and Ali’s official move toward marriage started when Ashlyn asked Ali to marry her in Clearwater, Florida. They were enjoying a weekend away after a long season. Just before dinner, “we headed down to the beach to watch the sunset and take in the beautiful scenery,” Ali remembers. “We had a glass of champagne and then wanted to take photos to capture the moment. I proceeded to take a selfie and Ashlyn’s arm was in the back of the photo. I asked her to put it down and stop being silly, only to realize she had actually been holding the engagement ring the entire time I had been snapping photos. She pulled it around in front of me, and then asked the big question! I was in shock but so happy and excited at the same time. It was an incredible sunset, and just a perfect moment.”

Wedding planning kicked off soon after. From the start, the goal was to create a classic, clean environment. “Vizcaya Museum and Gardens [in Miami] is this kind of Mediterranean Castle-like vibe right on the water,” Ali says. “It has this European feel that we were going for, so right when we walked into the venue for the first time, we were like, ‘Oh my God! It’s breathtaking. This is it!’”

The couple worked with Sara Lowell from Sara Renee Events to bring their vision to life. “She’s so badass and beautiful and just absolutely crushed it for us,” Ali says. “We’re so grateful for her and her incredible team of fantastic people working to make our dreams a reality.”

“Ali and I really wanted to align ourselves with people and brands that spoke to our soul and were really about nonconforming and understood the same vision we were going for,” Ashlyn adds. “I just wanted to feel like we could fully express ourselves, our sexuality, and our community.”

To that end, Ashlyn wore Thom Browne, the designer she turns to for all of her red carpet events, and a TAG Heuer Monaco watch. Thom Browne dresses the Barcelona soccer team, which is how Ashlyn first became acquainted with the brand. “Honestly, I love that it’s all very gender neutral, very fluid, there are women in dresses and men in dress, and men and women in skirts. I can really feel how he expresses himself through clothes. It’s just so nonconforming and so far out. I’ve been wearing his stuff ever since.” She and the Thom Browne team created a custom tuxedo with a beaded argyle pattern for the wedding day.

Like a lot of brides on the hunt for the right dress, Ali took a weekend trip to New York City with her best friend and maid of honor, Elizabeth Mumley, to search for her wedding gown. They found a Pronovias fit and flare dress with long sleeves and a V in the back that was exactly what she wanted. “I tried it on, and I knew it was the one!” she says of the “Helio” gown. “I fell in love and knew I would get married in this dress. It’s simple but sophisticated and elegant at the same time. I have personally always loved Pronovias. It’s a brand with which I think I share a lot of values as they believe in inclusivity and diversity.”

On Saturday, December 28, just three days after Christmas, the couple married in the round so that friends and family could see the ceremony and feel part of it. “We wanted simple white flowers and a rose-petal-strewn aisle,” Ali says. “We also wanted to walk ourselves down the aisle as strong, confident, independent women. We felt like it was right.” Ashlyn’s best friend, USWNT team captain and the World Cup’s MVP, Megan Rapinoe, served as maid of honor; Ali’s brother, Kyle Krieger, was best man; and Orlando Pride player Sydney Leroux was the officiant.

For the reception afterward, guests found their seats at tables named after LGBTQ icons including Marsha P. Johnson—a pioneering activist known for her role in the Stonewall uprising—and Anderson Cooper. Dena Lowell Blauschild and The Cook and the Cork catered a colorful menu with an incredible attention to detail. And just before the party really got started, Ali changed into the Condesa dress, also by Pronovias. “I wanted to make it into a mini dress but keep the train, so I customized the hem to give it a high-low effect,” she says. “It was very nice to be able to dance without worrying!”

Meanwhile, Ashlyn seemed to strip off components of her wedding ensemble as the night went on—her pants were switched out for shorts and her tuxedo jacket was traded in for a sleeveless shirt and vest, also by Thom Browne, which allowed her to dance more freely. The newlyweds cut their rainbow cake and did their first dance to a live, acoustic version of Kina Grannis’s “Stand by Me.” Toasts were given over the course of the evening, with Ali’s brother Kyle voicing the sentiments so many there (and those taking in the festivities from afar via Instagram) were feeling: “Since you went public with your relationship, it has been a gift to watch you grow together. It’s amazing because you guys are like a beacon of light for all young queer LGBTQ women and men who just need someone to look up to, like we get happy endings too. In the media and the movies, so often...you know, queer stories have a devastating ending, but not here. In real life, we get to see you guys live the dream.”

[amphtaminedreams]

Filling the Met Shaped Hole (No, Not Like That): The Best Red Carpet Looks of Awards Season 2020

Hi to anyone reading,

I want to jump straight into things and ask a question. Which is the best Met Gala theme of the last 5 years and why is it Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination?

Seriously though, despite the fact that I’m not sure anything will top Heavenly Bodies with the preceding and succeeding Met Galas being relatively disappointing (the camp theme definitely could have been taken further and lets not even talk about the Comme Des Garcons disaster), I still get excited for the gala every year, staying up til whatever hour of the morning so I can see all the fashion live. Of course, it makes complete sense that this year’s event has been postponed until October given the circumstances but the chosen theme of Fashion and Duration had the potential to be quite interesting, so I hope we do eventually get to see it; whilst I don’t miss endlessly scrolling through photos of every white male celebrity wearing the exact same suit and tie to the point where fangirls claim Harry Styles to be a pioneer of breaking gender norms because he wore a pink top, I long for the days where we could all temporarily coexist in peace and harmony thanks to the internet’s collective dragging of the Kardashians for paying no attention to the theme whatsoever. We should’ve guessed life as we know it was about to be flipped on its head when they actually turned up in something interesting last year.

What I’m trying to say is that I would love nothing more than to jump back in time to when tomorrow morning’s top Google search would be best Met Gala looks, and not how many lives did Boris Johnson’s fuckery cost us today. So in honour of the lack of trivial content, I thought I’d fill the Met shaped hole in our lives (amongst many other unfilled holes; today the freezer door at work hit me on the ass whilst I was putting ice cubes out and I think for a split second I got all flushed) by putting together a collection of my personal favourite red carpet looks from this year’s awards season and their respective afterparties: the BAFTAs, Brits, Critic’s Choice Awards, Golden Globes, Oscars, SAG Awards, and the Grammys to finish with.

Enjoy!

British Academy of Film and Television Arts Award (yes, that’s the BAFTAs but I needed a longer title)

(L-R: Zoe Kravitz in Dior, Rooney Mara in Givenchy, and Scarlett Johansson in Versace)

I am a British fan of television and arts but I will gladly say it: of all the awards ceremonies, the BAFTAs is hardly the most exciting, and the red carpet even less so. As I said, lots of boring men in boring suits and middle aged women being dressed by stylists who seem to think we’re dead from the neck down by the time we hit 40 and dress us accordingly so. Any hint of a décolletage explicitly forbidden.

There were a few good looks, however. From left to right, above we have Zoe Kravitz in Dior, Rooney Mara in Givenchy and Scarlett Johansson in Versace, who looks so amazing I almost forget that 1). Versace is going down the drain and 2). Scarlett Johansson would stand in front of a forest and take the role of a tree if she could. Which, along with her whole defence of Woody Allen, is really shit-she’s genuinely great in Marriage Story and an otherwise talented actress. As for Zoe Kravitz, she is up there with Robert Pattison as one of my biggest crushes right now and looks amazing in literally everything she wears, and Rooney Mara is consistently low-key yet elegantly dressed. 

(L-R: Greta Gerwig in Gucci, Florence Pugh in Dries Van Noten, Renee Zellweger in Prada)

Renee Zellweger proved an exception to the rule when it came to women over the age of 40 generally having clueless stylists-her dress is beautiful, very reminiscent of the delicate, demure beauty of 50s icons such as Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn. Florence’s dress, I actually really loved. It didn’t seem to go down all too well with actual Florence Pugh fans but red and pink together is an elite combo; I’m still firmly on the “surprised that it works but I’m into it” train. I mainly included Greta’s dress for the green velvet, to be honest; it’s disappointingly low-key for Gucci but nice enough all the same.

(L-R: Andrew Scott in Paul Smith, Charlize Theron in Dior, Daisy Ridley in Oscar de la Renta, and Emilia Clarke in Schiaparelli)

I was particularly excited to see Emilia Clarke in Schiaparelli-yes, I adore her because she played Daenerys Targaryen and I was ride or die for that bitch but also whenever I see her interviewed she has the most exuberant energy and honestly I want to be best friends. It’s not the most interesting dress Schiaparelli has ever put out there, but I like the fact that she went for something unique all the same.

Forest green is a colour I find hard to resist which is why I included Andrew Scott’s otherwise kinda basic suit (points for it being velvet) and Daisy Ridley in Oscar de la Renta. As elegant as the dress is, I would love for her stylist to have really leaned into the forest nymph vibes I’m getting and do something a bit less uptight with the hair and makeup; like imagine loose curls with tiny braids and hair rings and a dark lip and a slight smoke around the eye and...yes, I have very specific visions, I know. As for Charlize Theron, her work with Dior is the only reason I care about the brand; there’s definitely a case to be made here for giving Maria Grazia the benefit of the doubt, assuming that she tries all the prototypes on women who look like Charlize and that that’s why she’s happy to send dresses that are otherwise relatively underwhelming down the runway. 

The Brit Awards

(L-R: Charli XCX in Fendi, Ellie Goulding in Koche, Hailee Steinfeld in Fendi, and Harry Styles in Gucci)

In my opinion a much better reflection of quintessential British style than the BAFTAs, I originally ruled out including any music award ceremony red carpets in this post until I saw Maya Jama and Charli XCX’s looks. Consider me pleasantly surprised by Hailee Steinfeld’s cobalt blue burnout dress, a classic incarnation of the regal bohemian aesthetic Fendi channelled in their 2019 haute couture show. Plus Charli’s emo take on Glinda the Good Witch is also Fendi, driving home for me just how much I love their collections. I don’t know if I’d be sure about Ellie Goulding’s dress on the rack but the simple styling makes it work and she looks gorgeous, and Harry Styles looks just as pretty in a Gucci look that is MADE for him.

(L-R: Adwoah Aboah in Vivienne Westwood, Celeste in Gucci on the far right! I’m not sure who the guy in the middle is, I’m sorry and if anybody knows drop me a message and I will correct this immediately!)

Unfortunately, Harry Styles and Celeste didn’t get to pose together because this is really a perfect his and hers Gucci look; I feel like seeing one outfit next to the other would really highlight the quirky elegance of each. That being said, it feels criminal to talk about elegance without including Adwoah Aboah in Vivienne Westwood in the sentence; the dress is obviously stunning quality on its own merit, but Adwoah is what elevates it from unremarkable to ethereal. Fuck the weird ass knight figure that’s currently on top of the Brit Award, this woman is the definition of statuesque! Put her on top of the trophy you cowards!

And just to get it out of the way, when it comes to the guy in the middle, to quote Keke Palmer:

Sorry to this man.

Honestly, I saved all the red carpet photos from a Nylon (I think it was Nylon?) article back when the awards aired and towards the end of the photos they stopped including names-this happened a few times when I was looking through red carpet galleries. I reverse image searched where I could but not every photo turned anything up. If anyone does know who this man is, message me so I can include his name. He looks sick, and as far as suits go, this one is built upon and accessorised enough that it’s actually a look rather than the same old variation of a suit we’ve seen a million times before that may as well be the straight man’s designated red carpet uniform. 

(L-R: Maya Jama, Neh Neh Cherry in Bottega Veneta, Laura Whitmore)

And now the woman that forced me to include the Brits red carpet in this post in the first place: Maya Jama. Don’t get me wrong, my mind isn’t blown by this dress on its own, I probably prefer Laura Whitmore’s (Jaded do a similar newspaper dress and I’ve resisted adding it to my basket for 6 months now, this is the ultimate test of whether or not I finally cave), but Maya looks fucking MAGNIFICENT. The fit, the gloves, the confidence with which she carries it, it’s all SO good. Considering the timing, this is basically her Princess Diana revenge dress levelled up, 2020′s Jessica Rabbit moment. 

(L-R: Maya Jama, Ellie Goulding, Kendall Jenner)

Obviously anything is gonna be a step down from the red carpet look but Maya’s Brits afterparty outfit was cute too, if a tad Pretty Little Thing. 

Don’t ask me what Kendall Jenner was doing at the Brits afterparty btw, because I have no idea. We live in a world where the Kardashian-Jenners just seem to occupy every public space possible and I’ve begrudgingly accepted it at this point. I don’t have the energy to question it-and it helps that green catsuit is actually Very Cool™. 

For the last of my favourite Brit Awards looks, we have a few more afterparty photos-from left to right we have Charli XCX again, Lizzo, and Anne Marie. It was Charli posting her dress on Instagram that sent me searching for afterparty looks in the first place; apparently wearing nothing but feathers and crystals is something that appeals to me, and the more I read that statement, the more it sounds spot-on. I’d categorise it as gothic glamour hoe, and slot it in with the rest of the night-out clothes in my wardrobe that I think I’ll finally have the balls to wear out of sheer desperation once this lockdown is over. The Blossom to Charli XCX’s Buttercup here, we’ve also got Anne Marie looking extra AF and I loveeeee it; it’s an ensemble somewhere between a high-end version of Alaska Thunderfuck’s candyfloss Sugar Ball dress from season 5 of Drag Race (Alaska DID deserve to win AS2 nation, rise up) and a low-key version of a Katy Perry California Dreams Tour costume. I don’t call it low-key as a drag, just a regretful admission of the fact that maybe wearing a cupcake bra which squirts whipped cream out of the boobs is a bit too much for most of us. 

Critic’s Choice Awards

(L-R: Alison Brie in Brandon Maxwell, Chloe Bridges in Azeeza, Cynthia Erivo in Fendi, Florence Pugh in Prada)

I was going to say the Critic’s Choice Awards is kind of America’s version of the BAFTAs but then I remembered that the BAFTAs is really the only big TV and film awards ceremony we have here in the UK and that it’s kind of sad that I have to compare our most high-profile red carpet of the year to L.A’s most low-key one. Getting Cynthia Erivo and Florence Pugh to infiltrate is the best we can do. 

THAT BEING SAID! 

They both look amazing. This is Florence’s best red carpet look of this year, imo (she the prettiest icicle I’ve ever seen), and Cynthia Erivo’s arm must ache from serving the entire awards season. And in Fendi! Taste!

Side note before we move onto the next set of looks: has anybody else watched Alison Brie in Mad Men and Community simultaneously and experienced the extreme cognitive dissonance that comes from watching her play a tragically nerdy (relatable tbh) 18 year old and an overly-sophisticated 30 something married to an ad man in the 60s at the same time? Weird, but anyway! The orange dress with the red lipstick is channelling Marina Diamandis’ Froot era style subtle sex appeal and is a timeless, playful combo. Put the hair up into a beehive and it’s Megan Draper on a date in Cabo-don’t know much about the place but I know the sea is aqua and the sun seekers are blindingly white and the cocktails are plentiful (and whatever colour you want them to be), and all that together is a juicy palette if we’re talking cinematography. The Mad Men directors are out there somewhere shaking their fists at the sky that they never got to consult me on that, I’m sure. 

(L-R: Phoebe Waller-Bridge in Dior, Saoirse Ronan in Erdem and Zendaya in Tom Ford)

Zendaya’s red carpet look was the stand out of the Critic’s Choice Awards for sure; the skirt I can do without but I hope that hot pink metal breastplate ends up on display somewhere because that is ART, and she is the perfect person to wear it. The Tiffany Pollard “she's so powerful” meme was made for this moment. 

Also, can we talk about Phoebe Waller-Bridge backing up my Dior 2019 Haute Couture wasn’t *that* bad hypothesis? Because unless I’m mistaken this is one of the dresses from that collection and it is quite beautiful. Yeah, black mesh isn’t going to start a revolution or anything but it’s so delicate looking it almost seems out of place on a red carpet-I don’t know if it’s the structure of the bodice or the tulle but I can totally see this in a gothic ballet, whether that’s sensible in theory or not. Probably not. But then again I did quit ballet when I was 10 after months of getting people to near poke me in the eye on the way out of class so it would look like I’d been crying and I didn’t have to go to my lessons after school. So what do I know? Fuck all, in case that wasn’t clear. I also feel a little vindicated by Saoirse wearing one of the Erdem dresses I loved from last year’s collection-if multi-award winning actress Saoirse Ronan’s probably ridiculously well-paid stylist liked it enough to pick it out for her then I guess I’m doing okay in terms of taste levels.

(L-R: Olivia Wilde in Valentino, Lucy Hale in Miu Miu, Mandy Moore in Elie Saab, and Margaret Qualley in Chanel)

The last few Critics Choice Awards looks I picked out above aren’t thrilling or anything but they’re cute enough to include-from left to right we have Olivia Wilde in Valentino, Lucy Hale in Miu Miu, Mandy Moore in Elie Saab and Margaret Qualley in Chanel. It’s kind of besides the point, but Margaret worked with Chanel throughout awards season and I just wanted to add my two cents in here and say that I think she’s the perfect person to collaborate with (also think Laura Harrier would be a good match, anyone agree?) and that in a similar vein, I urge Miu Miu, the creative directors of which I’m sure are eagerly awaiting the opinion of irrelevant Tumblr user amphtaminedreams, to work with Lucy Hale more often. I feel like if girl stopped starring in those shitty Blumhouse horrors and did something a bit more sophisticated she’d fit the brand right down to a T.

The Golden Globes

(L-R: Cynthia Erivo in Thom Browne, Dakota Fanning in Dior, Jane Levy in Steven Khalil, and Janina Gavankar in Georges Chakra)

Finally! I hear you cry! A more exciting red carpet! It’s not the Oscars, but celebrity stylists still pulled the big guns for this one, the Golden Globes probably being considered the second most prestigious American awards ceremony of the year. Plus Dakota Fanning was there! Big yay for me! She and Elle can practically do no wrong in my eyes and are probably the only 2 women that could take on Dakota Johnson and Jennifer Lawrence when it comes to established red carpet style. 

Cynthia Erivo did it again, of course, as slick, as dignified and as regal as she was at the Critic’s Choice. The woman really has got this power stance thing locked down; she always seems so cool and confident in everything she wears that the whole getting dressed up to go out out out (we call going to the club going “out out”, but I’d say a red carpet is a slightly bigger deal than my local club with the sticky floors hence the 3rd out) thing looks like second nature.

(L-R: Zoey Deutch in Fendi, Karamo Brown in Grayscale, Lucy Boynton in Louis Vuitton and Kat Graham in Georges Hobeika)

Lucy Boynton was another of my Golden Globes stand outs, and in general is someone who I really look forward to seeing at red carpet events. She (or her stylist, I don’t know how much of a role she plays!) always seems to commit fully to an outfit and sees it as part of a whole concept where the makeup, hair and accessories are equally as important and that is a girl after my own heart. 60s space age empress is the theme here and I’m all about it-well, either that or a feminine editorial take on the tinman from the Wizard of Oz but the former sounds a bit cooler and does way more justice to how good she looks so we’ll go with that. Quick shoutout to Kat Graham too because she looked absolutely radiant. 

(L-R: Shailene Woodley in Balmain, Winnie Harlow in Laquan Smith, and Zoe Kravitz in Saint Laurent)

The trio above I really couldn’t skim over, Winnie Harlow especially; my America’s Next Top Model grudges aside, she consistently turns it out at every event she’s invited to. She’s another woman that wears pieces with such confidence that they look like they were actually made on her body-even if the garment itself isn’t the most breathtaking in the room, she’s the one that draws my attention. Though she’s got these dainty, other-worldly qualities about her, what you’d expect to be a gentle presence is firm and commanding and whilst the sharp drama and glitz of the dress probably helps, that’s just the way Winnie Harlow is naturally, based on her other red carpet appearances. 

Zoe Kravitz is an interesting one because, on the one hand, her looking amazing with that bone structure (I would trade a vital organ to look like that any day) is a given, but it does also seem like she went out of her way to do something a bit different this past awards season. I have always loved her street style for its trademark edge and the androgynous, oversized silhouettes that she leans towards, and the overt femininity of her red carpet dresses is that grungy, skater girl aesthetic completely flipped on its head. It’s cute, and if anyone can pull a dress as kitschy as this off, it’s Zoe. She’s got that just rolled out of bed look we all dream of that screams “I’m over this shit” whereas the rest of us have to rely on dark circles to get the message across. It’s very weird to think that she and Shailene Woodley were in Divergent together, especially since Zoe in particular has changed so much since. 

My main note with Shailene was just that I got excited to see that Balmain dress off the runway-it was one of my favourites from the S/S 2020 collection (IIRC, mostly on the basis that I’m pretty sure it wan’t haute couture), and it looks good! Not wildly good because I’m not sure the fit of the dress is inherently all that flattering, but still good-she makes it work.

(L-R: Taylor Swift in Etro, Sofia Carson in Giambattista Valli and Scarlett Johansson in Vera Wang)

I know a lot of people online didn’t seem to like Taylor Swift’s dress, but she looks cute, imo. I will say that I’m surprised it’s Etro! At first glance I would’ve thought Carolina Herrera or Oscar de la Renta or something along those lines. And predictably, I think Sofia Carson looks flawless. If you’ve read any of my other posts you’re probably sick of hearing it but I really can’t resist anything that is this modern Disney princess, like powder pink layered tulle? Feathers? What did you expect me to say, ew? I think deep down my clothing preferences will always be that of a 9 year old girl and you know what, that’s okay. Sometimes. Well, when it comes to red carpets. That’s when you can kinda get away with it.

(L-R: Bell Powley in Miu Miu, Billy Porter in Alex Vinash, and Charlize Theron in Dior)

There’s a few things worth mentioning when it comes to the above outfits. Firstly, and most importantly, I need to proclaim my love for Billy Porter. No man is doing it like him, honestly. To compare Harry Styles in his pink suits is unfair. The drama and the beauty and the flair that Billy brings every awards ceremony is on another level and that’s all I have to say about that. If you disagree, I’m gonna need a bullet pointed essay-I am that firm in my opinion.

Second, Bell Powley in Miu Miu semi confirms the direction their PR team tend to head in when choosing women to work with. I might be totally alone here but I feel like she and Lucy Hale both have one of those porcelain doll faces which work really well with Miu Miu’s signature girlish silhouettes and overly-ornate details. 

And thirdly, just to restate my earlier point: someone give Charlize Theron a pat on the back for bringing some life to a Dior design. That is all.

(L-R: Jodie Comer in Mary Katrantzou, Joey King in Schiaparelli and Kaitlyn Dever in Valentino)

All the newcomers really turned it out too, which is a sentence I type through gritted teeth; to call Jodie Comer of My Mad Fat Diary origins a newcomer pains the former depressing 2013 black and white Tumblr user in me, though I suppose to the US audiences uncultured in the ways of British teenage angst Vilanelle is her breakthrough role. And how Vilanelle is this dress too!? It’s bold and it’s attention-grabbing and it’s fun and it is definitely very theatrical female fictional villain that you were inexplicably drawn to as a child before you realised why as an adult-”oh, it’s because she was hot”. 

Joey King in Iris van Herpen was a pleasant surprise too considering that when I first looked through the red carpet photos I only knew her as the girl who was in that shitty Netflix original-having watched her in The Act, I apologise for the dismissal! And I admire the sartorial choice! I adore Iris van Herpen designs but as a short girl, wearing one of her dresses to a red carpet event is a risky decision-I hate to admit it because casting a diverse range of people for shows is something I have come to expect of my favourite brands, but the appeal of a lot of IvH pieces comes from the movement of the garments on standard willowy runway models. Fortunately, the styling is really complementary here, and whilst it can’t be denied that the dress itself does swamp her a bit, I liked that she and her stylist stepped out of the box. 

Kaitlyn Dever’s red carpet look is obviously a lot more typical, but you can't go wrong with a Valentino dress, and this one in particular is so suited to the aura she gives off-it’s young and it’s fun and it’s fresh and the intricate floral print, otherwise muted if not for the spring influenced pops of pink and red, is timelessly pretty.

(L-R: Akwafina in Dior, Saoirse Ronan in Celine, Beanie Feldstein in Oscar de la Renta, and Renee Zellweger in Armani)

Lastly, there was Saoirse Ronan in Celine-one of my highlights of the night; she looked phenomenal, a glacial toned dream, and it was pretty different to what I generally expect to see her in. I might be way off base and in need of a bit of a review of her red carpet style, but I feel like she usually leans more towards pretty than edgy with regards to her styling at these kinds of events and a loose fitting, gun metal glittered slip dress is, imo, the perfect way to hit that previously uncharted midway point between the two.

(L-R: Kate Bosworth in Prabal Gurung, Kathryn Newton in Valentino and Sarah Hyland)

Now onto the afterparty looks, and I’m not gonna lie, they’re usually the highlight of the ceremonies for me; I feel like the initial ceremony is all about looking respectful and maintaining that whole dedicated actor image, whereas it seems the literal point of these showbiz parties is a competition to be the best dressed person in the room. Competition really makes people step their game up, and we always get to see more young talent whose style tends to be more current than that of the people we see on the red carpet. 

I’ve got to say, as annoying as I found her character in The Society, I have to overlook that gut instinct of irritation when I see Kathryn Newton and accept how stunning everything going on here is; honestly, she looks like an angel, and I feel like the team at Valentino must reeeeally like her to put her in that dress.

(L-R: Alexa Demie, Ashley Benson in Georges Hobeika, Maude Apatow and Barbie Ferreira)

Obviously I was super excited to see the Euphoria girls on the red carpet, especially Alexa Demie-she does 90s/early noughties inspired glamour better than anyone else on the young actor scene right now and her personal style and the sass she does so well as Maddy Perez shines through every time. Whilst Barbie Ferreira’s look is more casual and achievable for the rest of us in terms of wearability, it’s just as interesting a take on the same period; the delicate pink makeup, hair and jewellery with the 90s inspired slip dress in light teal is a red carpet take on soft grunge for the ages. As for Ashley Benson, she always looks gorgeous and that’s all I’m gonna say before I get emotional and start going into a rant about how her and Cara Delevigne’s relationship was one of the only good things about this shitshow of a year and how now that they’ve broken up the single flame of hope inside me has been extinguished and how their sex swing is gonna get so lonely with them caught in the middle of an ugly custody battle and-

You get the idea.

(L-R: Storm Reid, Sophia Bush in John Paul Ataker, and Sydney Sweeney)

(L-R: Billie Lourd, Paris Hilton, and Camila Morrone)

The Oscars

(L-R: Charlize Theron in Dior, Cynthia Erivo, and Florence Pugh in Louis Vuitton)

Ah, the Oscars. This is where the big money is really spent, and bad decisions are made-in fairness, this year’s winners were a lot more satisfying than usual and I think all of us felt that Parasite was a well-deserved win. I really thought it was gonna be Once Upon a Time in Hollywood just as a bit of a token gesture to Tarantino considering it’s his 9th film, though undoubtedly his worst of the ones I’ve seen, so I was relieved that this wasn’t the case. That being said, it still pains me to see the horror genre being ignored by the academy-in my mind, Florence is here for her performance in Midsommar just as much as Little Women. 

At the risk of getting repetitive, just assume my opinions on Charlize Theron in Dior here are the same again, that Cynthia Erivo is still bringing goddess energy (this is probably my favourite of her looks), and that against the opinion of the masses, Florence looks divine in this colour. I mean, when I say the masses I just mean the people I follow on Twitter, but still, I just wanted be an excuse to be dramatic so that I could insert a meme.

(L-R: Natalie Portman in Dior, Regina King in Versace, Scarlett Johansson in Oscar de la Renta, and Sandra Oh in Elie Saab)

Once again, Scarlett Johansson’s stylist is doing God’s work; this outfit is everythingggg-the Oscar de la Renta dress is probably my favourite thus far. Like we’re talking angel, but make it fitted and sexy, and I hope you read that in the Tyra Banks voice I intended because 2 memes in a row would rob me of any credibility I’m building as a fashion account and I’m not ready to trash that for bad memes just yet; give it a couple of mental breakdowns and I’ll be there. Natalie Portman’s look was a favourite of mine too, with the cape over the top adding a sophisticated touch to the celestial, slightly bohemian feel of the dress. I initially found the detail of the names embroidered into said cape to be quite moving-in a dream world, directing would be my career of choice and so I really admired the statement-but finding out that Portman herself is the only director hired by her own production company ruined that for me a little bit. Then again, multi-millionaire celebrities making performative gestures for good publicity and not doing all that much to make any real change? Colour me shocked.

(L-R: Beanie Feldstein in Miu Miu, Brie Larson in Celine and Billie Eilish in Chanel)

Now, of all the Miu Miu looks so far, I think Beanie Feldstein definitely got the best one. The intricacy of the embroidery, the silhouette, the old Hollywood stye curls-it’s all so graceful. I’d say this is probably her best look of awards season and she and her stylist did a really great job.

And as for Billie Eilish...Guys...do you think she might be wearing...Chanel...by any chance? I’m not sure.

Seriously though, as far as an oversized tweed suit with the brand’s logo emblazoned all over it goes, I like this look. The acid green roots and the jewellery are what make it for me, adding to the grunginess of the outfit which is interesting against Chanel’s prim and proper aesthetic of the last few years. I know she has good reason for the way she dresses, but I’ve never quite been able to appreciate it-this outfit proves to me that her style doesn't automatically equal ugly and occasionally, she can make it work.

(L-R: Leona Lewis, Colton Haynes, Dita von Teese)

Elton John’s Oscars afterparty being the less exciting of the two big ones in terms of fashion-the other being the Vanity Fair afterparty which I’ll cover in a moment-I thought I’d whizz through it (posturing aside though, I bet Sir Elton’s party was a lot more fun).

(L-R: Chiara Ferragni, Donatella Versace, Bella Thorne)

This is a big statement considering Alexa Demie attended, but I think Chiara’s outfit and overall styling might be my favourite of the partygoers; if they decided to do a live action Barbie film in 2020 minus the PG ratio-because lets be real, she’d be a noughties Paris Hilton type and get up to some SHENANIGANS-this is the look that would become iconic. 

(L-R: Ashley Greene in Off-White, Alexa Demie, Sydney Sweeney, Annalynne McCord)

It was a hard decision to make though: I’m just as into Sydney Sweeney’s interpretation of burlesque come 1950s red carpet Barbie, Ashley Greene’s surprisingly delicate Off-White number, and Alexa’s dress and (as always) impeccable styling. That being said, Chiara’s clearest contender here for the best dressed of the night is Annalynne McCord. I know I'm one to throw similes around but she looks like an ACTUAL Disney princess-the dress is magical and an absolutely flawless fit. She carries it with such grace. I'm truly in love.

(L-R: Tessa Thompson in Versace, Vanessa Hudgens in Vera Wang, SZA)

As for the Vanity Fair Oscars afterparty, there were SO many iconic moments this year. SZA was the definition of the fire emoji, Tessa Thompson’s throwback Versace was the mermaid’s take on BDSM fashion I never knew I need to see, and I’d die to turn up to my graduation ceremony (here’s hoping for a successful attempt at the old uni shebang this time, lol) looking as elegant and simultaneously extra as Vanessa Hudgens did in Vera Wang. I mean, this was before Vanessa went on her dumb Instagram live corona rant because she was upset she couldn’t go to Coachella and I still kinda lived for her, mostly because of moments like this. She’s always been the queen of channelling a more hedonistic, carefree era and this dress is the most refined example of that boho decadence yet. It sounds dramatic to say but the rich purple is such a bold choice considering it’s a a colour we rarely see on the red carpet but now I’ve seen eggplant coloured silk I need it, lol. 

(L-R: Suki Waterhouse in Fendi, Lili Reinhart in Marc Jacobs, Lucy Boynton and Margaret Qualley in Chanel)

Then there was Suki, Lilly, Lucy and Margaret as well who all went full angel mode in some of my favourite runway looks of last summer’s haute couture week; Suki’s Fendi dress and Lili’s Marc Jacobs number were highlights of both their shows and there’s something even more magical about them both when the uniformity of the runway is removed. I also would go on about how much I love Lucy Boynton’s style for the millionth time but I think you get my point.

(L-R: Nicole Richie, Cynthia Erivo, Hunter Schafer, Billie Porter)

The more I look at the photos I saved from the Vanity Fair “red” carpet, the more I come to the firm conclusion that these looks are my favourite as a collective. Along with the elegance and sex appeal of the outfits above, we’ve got all these looks too which are so VIBRANT and fun and experimental. Billie Porter is absolutely majestic and continues his reign as the king of in-your-face, theatrical red carpet style, and Hunter and Cynthia look so radiant. Whilst Nicole’s look isn’t as colourful, she still brought drama with the satin gloves and the smoke lined eyes, and she is definitely ready to step on someone’s neck here.

(L-R: Halima Aden, Ella Balinska in Schiaparelli, Emma Roberts, Ciara)

(L-R: Kiki Layne in Michael Kors, Kim Kardashian in Alexander McQueen, Kylie Jenner in Ralph and Russo, Lashana Lynch in Michael Kors)

(L-R: Rowan Blanchard in Iris van Herpen, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Stella Maxwell, and Sarah Paulson with Holland Taylor)

I’ve got to say, it’s really cool to see Rowan Blanchard in Iris van Herpen too; it’s interesting that as far as I know, she and Joey King were the only ones to wear her this awards season, both being up and coming actresses. It would be a good choice for the brand, probably best known for its futuristic, conceptual aesthetic, to also focus its PR efforts on the young potential inheriting that future. Orrrr it could just be that Rowan, Joey and I have the same (good, lol) taste-not gonna lie, from my experience of stalking her instagram Rowan Blanchard does make some unique fashion choices and her feed is full of bold outfit inspiration.

(L-R: Adriana Lima in Ralph and Russo, Alessandra Ambrosio in Armani, Billie Eilish in Gucci, and Donatella Versace in Versace)

Then there’s Billie Eilish, who is really on another level. This is her second custom made baggy suit of the night, this time Gucci. IMAGINE. Chanel and Gucci making custom pieces to suit your very specific style. Again, though, I really like this; whilst it’s very clearly a Billie outfit, it’s got a level of sophistication, cohesiveness and glamour to it that takes it to that I can admire. 

(L-R: Camila Mendes in Moschino, Barbara Palvin and Dylan Sprouse, and Chiara Ferragni)

Honestly, the Vanity Fair red carpet really belonged to young talent this year, and Camila Mendes in one of my favourite Moschino looks from the Picasso collection really seals it. She could’ve just gone for a basic pretty dress-this isn’t a natural choice-but she really does have the proud, regal look of a woman who knows some man is gonna paint her a portrait that will end up in a famous gallery one day. 

One last thing before I move on, though. How the fuck does Chiara Ferragni get everywhere?! And by that I don’t mean how does she get invited, I had the shock of finding out this woman I followed on Instagram because I liked her outfits and thought she was pretty is a hugely successful businesswoman in Italy long ago. Power to her. She’s a big deal! I get it! I just mean, physically HOW? How do you hit Elton John’s party AND the Vanity Fair party in one night and look this good? God really does have favourites, huh. Well, I guess in this hypothetical scenario where I believe in him anyway. 

The SAG Awards

(L-R: Dakota Fanning in Valentino, Kaitlyn Dever in Ralph Lauren, Scarlett Johansson in Armani, and Zoe Kravitz in Oscar de la Renta)

So, I kinda forgot the SAG awards existed and thought that my post was basically finished before I looked in my folder and saw the one dedicated to this ceremony. My initial reaction was like “oh, this is the shitty Oscars, right?” and I assumed the red carpet would be shit and that I could call it a night-it’s 3:30am, I wish I was calling it a night-but then I looked and saw that I had even more outfit photos saved in that folder than I did for my Oscar dedicated one. Because fuck, I want to to sleep, but the SAG awards had a surprisingly good turn out?! So maybe not as irrelevant a ceremony as I thought? Because Dakota Fanning turned up looking like some divine mythical being again, Scarlett Johansson pulled another incredible look out the bag, Zoe Kravitz was a modernised Audrey Hepburn, and Kaitlyn Dever read my comments about her dress being “timelessly pretty” and said “bitch, you really thought” before showing up looking hot as fuck. Truth be told, I think the SAG awards were first but in this universe where Kaitlyn Dever would pay any attention to my opinion of her outfit do we really care? 

(L-R: America Ferrera, Andrew Scott in Azzaro Couture, Camila Mendes in Ralph and Russo, Caleb McLaughlin )

(L-R: Lupita Nyongo in Louis Vuitton, Lily Allen, Nathalie Emmanuel in Miu Miu, Cynthia Erivo in Schiaparelli)

See, I was going to make a comment above how I took back what I said about Camila Mendes not just going for pretty dresses (which I guess I just did here instead-JUST TO BE CLEAR SHE STILL LOOKS STUNNING) and then I uploaded the next photo set and got distracted by 2 things:

1. How weird it is that British legend Lily Allen, who does not get NEAR enough credit for her smart her songs were might I add, is dating David Harbour AKA. Hopper off Stranger Things!?

2. How mad I still am about Game of Thrones and how dirty the writers did Nathalie Emmanuel (and Emilia Clarke and Lena Heady and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and basically everyone else on that show but that’s another story).

In this same universe where Kaitlyn Dever cares about my opinion can we make the issues I have in the last bullet point not exist? Please?

(L-R: Sophie Turner in Louis Vuitton, Renee Zellweger in Maison Margiela, Phoebe Waller-Bridge in Armani, and Renee Bargh)

(L-R: Gwendoline Christie in Rick Owens, Madeline Brewer in Monique Lhuillier, Kathryn Newton in Valentino, and Lili Reinhart in Miu Miu)

Finishing off the SAG looks, we’ve got the four above. 

Once again, Kathryn Newton was Valentino’s blushing crown jewell; Allie Pressman hate aside, she really is the perfect dressing up doll for the brand. Fresh faced and poised, she has all the elegance and gentle femininity necessary to make floating down the runway as Valentino models do look natural, and Lili Reinhart did an equally good job being a Miu Miu girl. She makes that idiosyncratic cutesy-ness work, all the frills and fragility of a china tea set look easy where I’d just look like I’d been consumed by a charity shop doily. Madeline Brewer did a good job too, helping a Monique Lhuillier design pop in a way that it doesn’t usually. When your hair is bright red and your dress cerulean blue, coral tinted lipstick is a *ahem* choice, buuut in this case it paid off because the result is a look which demanded my attention-ML dresses are reliably pretty, however, they tend to be predictable. Madeline and her styling did a good job subverting that formula. To end the section, though, I feel it’s only fair to save my fave woman til last-probably one of the few people in the world that isn’t a Rick Owens model that can pull off his designs. Ofc, I’m talking about the queen that is Gwendoline Christie. If we’re talking embodying brands, she did justice like nobody else could to the spectacle of Owens’ formidable, out-of-this-world aesthetic. This is her version of the princess moment, and when you’re as striking as she is, nothing less would do. 

At least my girl Brienne of Tarth is thriving<3

The Grammys

(L-R: Ariana Grande in Giambattista Valli, Cardi B in Mugler, and Pia Mia in Julien Macdonald)

TBH, like I said with the Brits, I never planned to do any music award ceremony red carpets, just because I feel like the fashion tends to be more geared towards a younger audience buuuut I’m kinda glad I changed because Ariana looks INCREDIBLE. MESMERISING. TRANSCENDENT. JFC. There’s a reason the photo of her on her Wiki page has been changed to one from this night and it’s because she looks absolutely exquisite, like some kind of moon goddess with an R&B touch which I suppose is kind of her brand? Sometimes I go kind of lukewarm on Giambattista Valli and forget how mystical but at the same time frothy and indulgent and all around luxurious the pieces can be. This is a cupcake of a dress and I want to eat it. Cardi B has become a bit of an unexpected fashion icon and Pia Mia looks as hot-party-girl as ever but I feel to put anyone next to Ariana in this dress seems harsh because she just completely stole the show and I don’t even know if she won any Grammys.

(L-R: Josephine Relli, Gwen Stefani, Jameela Jamil in Georges Chakra, and Chrissy Teigen in Yanina Couture)

Other than Ariana, I’m not gonna lie, there was nothing wildly exciting, BUT I did think there were some beautiful colours out on the runway-plus for all her occasionally bad takes I really like what Jameela Jamil stands for and her style has always been very quirky cool. The electric blue tiled effect with the black mesh underneath kinda reminds me of a peacock, and contrasts wonderfully with the carpet-it’s very reminiscent of her T4 days. She’s one of those people that seems to get aggression directed at her that’s completely disproportionate to whatever it is she’s supposed to have done; sometimes the way she goes about saying things is wrong but the intention behind what she’s saying is usually good. Then again, the internet still despises Chrissy Teigen (in a way that’s kind of excessive considering what we seem to collectively let some people get away with) for a dumb AirPods tweet and I’ve included her too. THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL STATEMENT, this time anyway. I just think she looks good!

If I’m going to get controversial about anything, it’ll be Gwen Stefani. She looks stunning, the dress is stunning, and the boots are stunning. The outfit is not my problem! My problem is how she seems not to have aged at all. This woman is 50 years old! That she drank the blood of her Harajuku girls is the only explanation here. Can you imagine if she tried to pull that shit today? She’d get rightly accused of being a culturally appropriating weeb in about 10 seconds flat and we’d have to pretend to stop liking Cool and Hollaback Girl. 

(L-R: Finneas O’Connell in Gucci, Lucky Daye, and Shaun Ross)

(L-R: Tess Holliday, Dua Lipa in Alexander Wang, Tyler the Creator, and Grace Elizabeth in Giuseppe di Morabito)

Back to what I’m supposed to be talking about in this blog post: the fashion. And here, most importantly, Tyler the Creator looking like a cast member of the Grand Budapest Hotel. IDK why. But I love this man.

(L-R: Lil Nas X in Versace, Lizzo in Versace, and Shawn Mendes in Louis Vuitton)

(L-R: Billie Porter, FKA Twigs in Ed Marler, and Swae Lee in Giuseppe Zanotti)

See in general, the men were a lot more interesting on the Grammys red carpet. With the exception of Twigs, Dua and obviously Ariana, the men’s outfits are a lot more memorable; Billie Porter became the most fashionable meme on the internet, for god’s sake. And even when their outfits weren’t extravagant, they were just more interesting, imo, which is a rare occurrence. I didn’t expect Finneas O’Connell to be the writing half of Billie Eilish (the other half being Billie herself) I cared about and yet, in that Gucci blazer, here we are. 

(L-R: Jessie J, Hailee Steinfeld, and Madison Beer)

(L-R: H.E.R, Usher, FKA Twigs, and Matt Shultz)

Of the afterparty looks, my favourites are what we can see of these more casual outfits-I love what F.K.A Twigs and H.E.R are wearing, the headscarf with the leatherjacket on top is in particular very throwback rockabilly, and I’m even into whatever it is Usher’s got on.

(L-R: Olivia O’Brien, Amine, and Alrissa)

(L-R: Salem Mitchell, Machine Gun Kelly, and Sydney Sweeney)

Now, how to round this all up!? How to relate the confusingly persistent but very welcome presence of Sydney Sweeney on, like, ALL these red carpets back to the MET!?

IDEK. It’s been a long year. 

The Met Gala has usually come and gone before we know it, but with everything going on, it’s been the longest January-May I think most of us have ever known. I keep going on about COVID-19 in all my posts now but I have almost forgotten how to write an intro and outro because the pandemic is pretty much consistently on the brain and unless I have something right in front of me to use as a distraction, my mind tends to wander off into a very anxious place. I think, like many others, I feel frustrated and disappointed and angry with the way the situation is being handled by the people who are supposed to protect their citizens, and by how much of a fight some are putting up against measures that are in place to try and save lives. The point of this ramble, I guess, is that whilst we should never forget what’s going on and do the best we can to help prevent the spread of the virus, it’s okay to still care about mundane shit. Was this post one big long distraction for me? Probably. But if there’s something harmless you can do to keep your anxiety at bay, don’t feel bad for doing it. Contrary to popular belief, you can care about more than one thing at once. You can be sad that something you were looking forward to has been cancelled whilst still being sad for the people who are suffering because they’ve lost love ones or who have been forced into precarious living conditions. If talking about clothes on the internet is going to help you get through this pandemic, power to you.

If anyone has read til the end, thank you! I hope you are well! As always, feel free to reply to the post or inbox me with your thoughts! It doesn’t even have to be related to this post. If you’re struggling with everything going on, feel free to reach out too. I spend too much time on the internet anyway, lol! My plans are to finish my fashion week reviews and then I have a Lana Del Rey albums inspired lookbook which I pinched off the stans on Twitter (who I will of course credit when I write it!). For the time being, look after yourselves!

Lauren x