#did you know just btw that i have the loveliest friends on here

[papiermachecat]

Helloooooo anyone who still follows me! I figured I’d better do a writeup of my pilgrimage to Slane with some notorious fellow tumblr hags because most of THEM are headed to Wembley for multiple shows which is fine and I’m not jealous at all because it’s FINE.

Amongst other things, in this writeup I will address A) my first time flying internationally (0/10 would do again but did not enjoy) B) the very flexible meaning of “5 minute walk” coming from an Irish or British person, C) the Irish weather (glorious), and D) the personal shortcomings of everyone I met on the trip (this section WILL be lengthy)*

Anyway my last day of school with students was Thursday June 8, and yesterday I had to be at work to do summer cleanup & checkout. In between I flew to Dublin???? Met my friends?? Almost died(more on that later)! And came back home! It’s insanity. So I waved goodbye to the buses on Thursday, raced home, dyed my hair (? I was not thinking clearly), packed, and was at the airport by 5:45 PM. “Wow!” you might be thinking, “She’s clearly very efficient and organized!” Unless you’ve ever spent two (2) minutes with me, then you know better. So yeah, flight was uneventful, Aer Lingus is kinda crappy but if you were seated in the first 10 rows you had a chance of getting an ice cube in your water so there’s that.

Upon arrival at Dublin, I met up with the fabulous @aggresivelyfriendly fresh from Italy and we had the loveliest taxi driver chat with us through sunny Dublin and drop us at the door of our very hip boutique hotel and I thought wow, these taxi drivers are so nice! Can’t wait to meet more of them! HAHAHAHA anyway

At the hotel we met up with fellow Americans @chasm2018 and @accidentalharrie , soon joined by the best UK/Ireland team since Harry & Niall, the delightful @cantquitu and @justharried as well as the famed, Harry-endorsed Mr. Justharried, who not only endured our company but even gave a good show of enjoying it! A fine man indeed 😘. Anyway yes, we hugged, we chatted, we ate, it was GRAND. A plan was formulated! Pop down to early merch, see a few sights, have a little lunch, shop a bit maybe, then dinner…all sounded lovely. Bit of walking, they said. Not very far, they said. Just down the road! they said.

So anyway we get to early merch—just a 10-15 minute walk with lovely weather, and there was NO LINE. None. Walked in, walked up to the counter, bought stuff, done. Blew my mind tbh. Okay great! Headed over to have snacks (the authentic Irish delicacy they call “nachos” idk if you’ve heard of them) and drinks at a church in front of a bronze bust of Arthur (I think?) Guinness, tended to by a very charming waiter who seemed accustomed to crazy Americans who want ice in their water. 10/10.

Side note: I wanted to hear some authentic Irish music. You know, walk by a pub and hear some Celtic ballad being sung while emotional old men all hold up their mugs of foamy beer, right? Well. As it turns out, their musical selections in a bar are pretty much what you’d hear here and I saw NO emotional old men swaying with their pints up as they sang along :/. But we wandered and cantquitu told us tales of her misspent youth in the thrift shops and it was lovely! 10/10

Another “”5 minute walk”” and we were at dinner, which was so lovely. No ice water, naturally, but lovely nonetheless! I had a traditional Irish salmon and tortellini with edamame. FUN FACT: 75% of the world’s supply of edamame is grown in Dingle, Ireland, famously home to Fungi (pronounced FUN-ghee) the dolphin, may he rest in peace. (Parts of that fact are actually true btw, but not the edamame part.)

A quick jaunt (45 miles or so) back to the hotel for more drinks and then off to bed to rest up for HARRYYYYYYYY!! I began to have serious regrets about my footwear choices, and rightly suspected that Saturday could be worse, but HARRY!!!!

STATS: step count: 18K // Ubers taken: 0 // successful acquisitions of a beverage with ice in it: 2 // painful blisters formed: 3

So on Saturday I switched up my shoes and hopes for the best. A quick 5 minute/6 mile walk* to the coach pickup spot and shortly we were on a stifling bus to Slane!! Expect a 20-30 minute walk to the venue, Ticketmaster told me HAHAHA anyway we get dropped off in a cow pasture (FUN FACT: Irish pastures are the lumpiest in the world*), somehow adopt two Irish teenagers who didn’t know until day of that they were supposed to have a chaperone over 25, poor things (I better never catch Lenna & Lily—cantquitu’s beloved nieces—complaining about hags in the fandom!), and off we go! Anyway after the short cow pasture walk and a bridge crossing there was a security check and I thought gosh this wasn’t bad at all! Surely security wouldn’t be set up 46 miles from the venue right? So I strolled through this wooded area, pleasant weather, good company, nice breeze…for perhaps 2-3 hours? Idk might’ve been a bit shorter but I definitely at one point said “Do you think this is some kind of prank? Like just to see how far we’ll walk?” Genuinely, it was FOREVER. My footwear choices had not been sound, my blisters from the day before were so ouchy oh and FUN FACT: the average preferred walking speed of my companions is a 5-minute mile. Which is like a 3-second kilometer, I did the math.*

ANYWAY. The first sign of civilization we saw was a stone wall with a hand-painted sign that I will post here

Please note this is not my photo and must be older as there are now 23 KILLED. SO FAR. Cantquitu told me that is one of her favorite Irish traditions* idk seemed a bit dark to me but 🤷🏻‍♀️

So we’re clearly there, right?? Hahahaha no. Another few billion miles later there’s another security check, then a ticket scan, THEN we’re at the top of a massive hill with merely 6 more miles* to walk to get to our Hollywood pod. I’ve drawn you a map of our route which I will post here.

Once we were settled, it was as you’d expect. So happy. So much fun. I ~almost forgot about the death march I had endured and tried to forget about the inevitably worse one awaiting us—though turns out there was an easier path home—still ages, and done in a sea of people, but easier!

Anyway you all probably saw the show or the best bits of it on video but here are my standout moments that wouldn’t have been captured on a livestream:

• the ADORABLE Scottish couple next to us with the guy being THE biggest harrie—knew every word, every drum fill, every 1-2-3-4…his girlfriend was a sweetheart too but just may have been the lesser into Harry between the two lol—we hugged goodbye and I hope they have a wonderful life ❤️

• the absolute shock of hurrying back from the bathrooms (such as they were 😬) while I Wanna Dance With Somebody was playing and seeing like…nobody….dancing. The disrespect!!!!

• the fact that About Damn Time and 24K Magic were the favorites from Annie Mac’s set that’s RIGHT! YAY AMERICA!!!!!! Idk some other songs played that I guess people liked or whatever but let’s be real

• if you have seen a pic of Harry in his favorite little brown leisurewear up at the castle you can thank…I want to say justharried? Might’ve been the mister who originally spotted him? but it was 1000% justharried who played Paul Revere and soon the entire crowd was staring at him. He moved his arm in a gesture that was NOT a wave but looked at the start like it possibly COULD have been a wave and literally the whole crowd started waving at him…it was so cute but needless to say he retreated soon after before re-emerging for Mitch’s set

• During Fine Line I looked at aggressively friendly and she was crying and then I of course immediately cried as I do and then we swayed and cried and it was just…a moment. Telling myself that things will be alright has become very difficult in my life these past few years and it felt both cathartic and bittersweet and just…all the things ❤️

• My entire posse collaborating to get my feet OUT of my shoes and IN to cantquitu’s extra flip-flops she’d brought along (a size too big for her but two sizes too small for me—before you start picturing me as Sasquatch or something I wear a very normal size US 8!) which genuinely felt SO much better and I don’t think I’d have made it back otherwise, thank you ❤️

And I’ve thought of so many funny things to say but tumblr crashed the first time I wrote this and I had to redo it again and I lost it so just know, it was worth every bit of blood (and yes there was blood), sweat (soooo much sweat) and tears (Tam’s fault!!) and I’d do it all over again no question!!

[blue-jisungs]

5k followers event !

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?? BC I CANR 😍 we hit 5k!!!! thank you all so so much from the bottom of my heart, i cannot fully express how thankful i am 🥹 it doesn’t matter if you’re new here or been there since the begging (well technically it does, you’re an OG!!! love u<;3), as someone once said: it doesnt matter whom you have known the longest, it’s about who came and stayed till the end (or something like that lol)

so to celebrate i decided to make a lil poll and txt won the voting! combining my first ever band that waltzed into my heart and stayed there (5sos) with one of the latest ones (txt) seemed like a fun idea! now, if i could i’d write it in a completely different way but my attention span isn’t the greatest + i have a couple of different projects going on (such as the july jam session which was inspired by it btw lol), so here’s how it looks: each member has a piece written (~1k words each) connected to a certain song from an album! i know, i know there’s no sgfg but i couldn’t match anything <\3 and i was having such a hard time bc i am biased, okay? i love youngblood and 5sos5 and it was SO HARD TO PICK A ONE SONG?!

okay i need to stop talking so much. anyways, here’s the masterlist that will be updated! (did u see what i did here? i put them in the order of release just like the way i’ll post my fics–)

good girls ,, huening kai — 2/07

the only reason ,, yeonjun — 4/07

better man ,, beomgyu — 7/07

best years ,, soobin — 10/07

HAZE ,, taehyun — 12/07

again. thank you so so much! i wouldn’t be here if not you!! :( i’d like to thank my moots, my beloved friends i’ve made on here. now bare w me bc why does it feel like i’m leaving or something 💔 i just love n appreciate you so much but, here we go:

thank you ola, my mother ☝️ (@l3visbby) for correcting my works even when i didn’t ask you to :( you’re always there to hear my rambling (literally) and you’re the grammar police muahaha also a big big inspo, i’m genuinely grateful that you’re here, bearing n somehow managing my bullshit

ZANNA! @slytherinshua, my loveliest friend, an angel, felix in disguise, biggest joshua and dk stan e v e r!!! what id do without you…? probably die (not to be dramatic 🙄). you’re such a inspiration and good person to be around, i love your reblogs and conversations with you! you never fail to me make me smile and it’s always a fun time screaming abt taehyun together <3 you’ve been with me since… what, like… forever!! (almosr a year actually i still can’t believe it) and i’m so happy that we met <3

KIMCHI!!! 김치 LIKE THE KOREAN DISH!!! KIMCHI LIKE NY BELOVED FRIEND @planetkiimchi!!!!!! you’re so sweet. like, always. thank you for introducing me to nct LMAO but in general, i love texting with you :( you’re so funny and always being such a positive vibe!!! not to mention your writing, it’s genuinely so amazing?? i still remeber the chan piece you sent to me before posting, it made me so emotional AND IF THAT DOESNT SPEAK VOLIMES THEN I DUNNO⁉️ thank you for popping in my inbox n making me smile so much <3

speaking of inbox @lipedaisy i’m looking at you 🫵 debs, you’re so so lovely :( i uh, tend to forget about things, ahaha! so when you pop in n say simple stuff like drink water i feel like… well, you’re a life saver lol! you’re always so kind and bring positive energy, i love chit chatting with you (even if i forget to reply💔).

i hope you won’t be mad i mention you in one paragraph but it’s only because it applies to you all!!! @fairyhaos ,, @mirxzii ,, @rubywonu ,, @etherealyoungk ,, @delcakoo ,, @crxzs and @enluv you inspire me so so much!!! not only you’re the loveliest and funniest people i’ve met but i love your writing!! i know i don’t reblog that much but i write more than i read <\3 but you have amazing talent, your works are always beautifully written. nia, roxie, skye, yena, ema, angie, coco you deserve all the happiness in the world and i’m so grateful we’re friends (even though i’m a dry n late replier sometimes <3)

and to my other moots — @yeonscity-main ,, @sieunsgf ,, @malarign ,, @ddeonudepressions ,, @pnkvernon ,, @wqnwoos ,, @wheeboo ,, @ylliris-hanniehae ,, @icyminghao : thank you for being here!! even if we met only a couple days ago… you make me so happy, i love interacting with you n talking abt goofy stuff, you understand me so well and we get along so smoothly it’s making a lil heart really happy :( you make tumblr feel more like home <3

and to readers (if you made it to the end, wow. like, seriously. i personally wouldn’t 🏃‍♀️💨 so, thank you <3), my babies precious gems angels cuties patooties!! thank you so so much for supporting me and my work! i know i complain abt empty reblogs but it’s only bc they motivate me more lol!! i am truly grateful n blessed to have you, even ghost readers (i see you🫵)! without you, rhis blog wouldn’t exist today >_<

[moefongo]

also me and my two whole brain cells forgot to send an actual request but a builder who also has good knowledge of ceramics for amirah and maybe just playing up the awkward tension of "we were best friends as kids! she probably doesn't like me" for nia

Hi! And dw about it, its ok and btw hope you don't mind i replied to both asks in this one

Also Amirah is the big brain choice i almost left Arvio for her at one point but I decided to break his heart by leaving him for Fang instead lol

Also i had so much fun writing for Nia lspdjtd and i may use this for a fic

Amirah

The builder had a hobby of doing pottery and ceramics back when they were in school but at some point as they grew up they abandoned that dream and instead became a builder. Though occasionally they would do a thing here and there just so they wouldn't be so out of practice.

When they arrived in Sandrock they were marveled to find someone else who was interested in ceramics, and that interest became a key point in their friendship with Amirah. They had become best friends and as Amirah admits, they became her first friend.

One important moment in their relationship was when the mysterious man stopped by her store and began criticizing Amriah's work. He was claiming that her work was of low quality and the builder was fuming, that man doesn't know what good pottery is even if it hit him in the eye and as much as they wanted to punch him in the face, they remained calm for the sake of Amirah, though Arvio was more than eager to do so.

After that unpleasant encounter, the builder lended enough money to cover half of what the man as asking for the blueprint of the kiln, but it was the only compromise Amirah accepted since she refused to accept the builder to pay it in full.

Once they finished building and installing the kiln, both of them made some vases and other pottery together as a test run for the kiln. What the builder didn't know was that Amriah's vase would be more than a gift, you see, her vase was basically her way of confessing the builder her feelings towards them. It was the loveliest vase anyone had ever seen and in the bottom part of the vase there was engraved 'I love you'. Clearly a priceless piece of art and one that was exclusive to the builder.

The builder was taken aback with such a sweet gesture and in one hand they were glad Amriah was the one to confess first, otherwise they would've never dared to be honest about their feelings since they cherished their friendship with Amirah.

In the end they spent the next couple of days doing a collaborative collection to show the mysterious man. However he was more interested in the vase made exclusively for the builder, but no matter the price it would never be for sale, leaving the mysterious man to envy the builder and the masterpiece in their possession.

Nia

Both Nia and the builder were two peas in a pod, and these two dorks clearly had feelings for each other ever since they were kids. But here's the thing, neither of them did anything because they both swore that the other just saw them as a friend so it was just an endless cycle of mutual simping back in Highwind.

When the builder left for Sandrock, they were both sad because they would be miles appart, but still Nia took it the hardest because she wanted to go to Sandrock too but she had to graduate first.

The time went on and, Nia finally got an opportunity to go visit the builder in Sandrock, and she intended to spend as much time with them as possible and perhaps make the first preparations to move to Sandrock once she was finished with her studies.

The funny thing is that neither of them planned to confess, but once Nia set foot in Sandrock, chaos would unleash. From the minute that the builder went over to meet Nia at the train station, their love could be felt.

Then the next day it became painfully obvious to the entire town that those two dorks were head over heels for each other. So what did the town do? Have a secret fireside meeting to help the builder confess their feelings towards Nia. The next day it all began with them both heading over to the Blue Moon for lunch and finding out that Owen and Grace had set a table just for them, which coincidentally was decorated to make it feel more romantic, in fact the enitre ambiance of the place felt romantic. But they didn't pay much attention to it as they ate and catched up talking about everything, except a confession. It was frustrating for both of them as they stood behind the counter paying close attention to them until they left without even holding hands.

Up next was Arvio who offered Nia a heart knot for a ridiculously low price, nudging her to give it to someone very special that perhaps could be a certain builder. She did buy it but it was mostly to get Arvio off her back, though she admitted that she swore the builder only saw her as her best friend, earning a frustrated groan from Arvio who was trying to keep his mouth shut and not tell her that the builder was very much in love with them.

This went on and on and at some point they both thought that the town was trying to set them up together, which yeah they were, but these to are either too dense or share one brain cell.

When it was time for her to head back to Highwind, as the entire town was unsuccessful in their plans then they let Arvio, who was going to have a stroke if neither of them confessed. So Arvio catched up to them in time to tell them to kiss already because the entire town knew that they were in love with each other, from the minute Nia got there. The two dorks were shocked and yes they both confessed, earing a sigh of relief from Arvio who went to tell the rest of the town the great news. Meanwhile Nia gave the builder the heart knot and a loving kiss before boarding the train.

Shortly after she got home, the letters increased ten fold as they kept their relationship long distance until Nia was able to move to Sandrock.

[evenasyoungastheyare]

Hi again,


Stopping by to admire your latest Harry artwork. (Harry is pleased.) Great tour photo to feature - it is a stand out. I luv when your artwork highlights just a part of them - yet is is so easy to identify who it is. This image is very “home” to me. I can just imagine the clicking of the red shoes.


I’m so curious about the process. Like what happens if you make a mistake. Does it erase? Do you go over it with black? What size is the paper? Is it paper or cardstock? Is the stock textured? 
How long did it take?

I downloaded the My Policeman book awhile ago and even started reading a couple pages. I did not get very far. I up for trying to read it again. I’ll try to read it in February. (I am a bit of a cheat when reading. I like to read the last page to see who is still alive. As that I have seen the movie I won’t have to do that.)


Ooh, I forgot to tell you I won/received a recycled art kit from my niece. (odd Christmas gift exchange our family does) So now I have more than crayons. Watch out art world here I come!


Sending you wishes for a warm January. Take care.


(I so want to put my name. Not brave enough yet. You know who this is - right? The anon makes me kind of mysterious.)

Hi again my loveliest "nonnie" (of course I know who you are :)),

your messages are like a warm hugs, thank you for finding the time to write them. I am happy you have more art materials to explore and trying new thing. I am looking forward to seeing some of your pieces, hope you will post them here.

I downloaded the book too, but I still havenet opened it yet. I really want to read it, hope I will read it soon and then i will let you know. Btw, you are same as my friend who always read the last pages in advance too :D. She also looked at the end of films. I cant!

About the drawing. Thank you very much for the compliments. I loved the photo and I am sad I have not used coloured pencils. Maybe later. And about the process - I think I use better quality of paper and rubber erasers now so I really dont have problems with fixing the drawings and if there is a problem I can use black pencil to fix it :).If you would like to try to draw on black paper, buy one good white pencil, one sheet of a good black paper and black or kneadable eraser. Black erasers for black paper are great (but I use even the white ones and have no problems). Sometimes I use the black pencil to make it look even darker than the colour of the paper but I mostly use only the white one. I use several types of paper, I love black paper by Canson and I fell in love with the black sketchbook by Sakura. It is one of the best black paper I have ever tried (and I tried many). The Mungyo black pastel paper is also very good (very dark) but it has a visible structure/pattern. The time I spend on a drawing depends mostly on luck I guess :D. Sometimes it is done in no time, sometimes it takes so much time (several hours) and it still looks bad in the end. Idk what it is. Also I have these like periods I dont feel like I want to draw anymore (you are my big inspiration so I try not to feel this way) and sometimes it is like an urge to draw. :)

Thank you for being the loveliest nonnie :) (You can write your name whenever you are ready.)

Your messages bring me a great joy!

[jahaliel]

cliffhanger: through the valley

writing speculative poetry for OaLC

pretending like cliffhangers and author cackling aren’t terrifying XD

under a cut. @deadcatwithaflamethrower

in the swirling greys he is a beacon the emerald-bright threads in his robe glow, lighting his way, as he walks until he comes before the Queen on her throne

to Her he offers a gift - that of tongues thought long dead speaking truest devotion a gift of memories; of her protection and kindness, of the love that drove him here

he speaks and in his words She hears a song She thinks that he will be strong enough to go and not look back, and Her husband who denies Her nothing, and who can see Himself in the man agrees

without looking back, through the darkness he walks trailed by a shadow towards the light of the over world and until he senses that it shines fully on them both he does not turn, trusting that his lover follows him still

reunited under the warm summer sun they kiss in peacetime now they enjoy long years of bliss

[potteresque-ire]

Commentary ~ Little Red Little Green Episode 18, “Fruits & Found Family”

Link to original post in Chinese, posted 2021/05/23. Link to official English translation.

(Disclaimer / Notes + Commentary under the cut!) (TW: possible eating disorder)

Disclaimer / Notes:

While the posts by Little Red Little Green (LRLG) are among my most favourite candies, I’d like to remind everyone that they are fake rumours, and should be read and enjoyed as such. ie, all CPN below!

The English translation linked above is the only one authorised by the Fake Rumour House; therefore, please treat all content below as a very casual, very *unofficial* convo between fellow turtle friends! ❤️💛💚

With Chinese being a highly region-specific language, my reactions to it is necessarily filtered through my background, which is, admittedly, somewhat removed from Gg’s, Dd’s and LRLG’s. However, it is not uncommon for even c-turtles (and several times, LRLG themselves) to be lost with what they read / heard due to regional differences ~ which reflects the reality of communicating in the Sinosphere. In fact, the regionality of the dialects used by different “characters” in LRLG’s dialogues is among the most critical elements that make these posts so authentic-sounding, and so difficult to replicate. A fun activity of following LRLG is to watch c-turtles patch their regional knowledge together, from local slangs to food choices, to make sense of what’s going on. 

Okay, with that all said *phew* ... onto the commentary! “p. X” refers to the panel number in the official English translation (there are 7 total in the Twitter post). 

p1. “Fairy”

Likely referring to the similarity between Gg’s current role for 玉骨遥 (The Longest Promise) and LWJ. Dd was praising Gg for being “fairy-like”; Chinese “fairies” (仙) have a certain style especially in visual media, similar to ... LWJ’s ~ otherworldly, white robes that billow in the wind, peaceful to the point of distant, scholarly, delicate. In between the lines, Gg likely said he was simply playing LWJ (hence, the ”act another me” in the translation), which Dd protested... and said Gg was simply playing himself. Whether that means DD IS NOT LWJ!!!!! 😡😡😡 or something else, we’ll know what we get to watch the show!

p1-p2. “Heat”

Yes about the Chang’e 嫦娥 reference!! Despite Houyi 后羿 shooting down 9/10 suns and saving the day, his wife is, indeed, more famous (and therefore the star, the more powerful one), because she’s frequently featured in Mid-Autumn festival art, along with her pet rabbit 玉兔 (”Jade Rabbit”),:

(Chang’e with her bunny, traditional Chinese painting. Source.)

Below is Gg’s rendition of Chang’e / Jade Bunny pair ~ Chang’e being the superman in the drawing while Jade Bunny is crouching on the planet!! 

Guess of the missing convo from Gg’s side: Gg had wanted to bring something to Hengdian (where the filming of The Longest Promise was taking place) to cool himself down, and Dd had said it wasn’t necessarily. Hence Dd’s “My bad my bad” and the promise to send that something to Gg.

The loveliest line in this segment for me—and for many c-turtles— is the one about white hair. Turning grey a common, but very old-fashioned way of expressing worry and poor Dd, who hasn’t even turned 24, is claiming he was turning white because he got so worried every time Gg complained about the heat (Aww). 

Turning grey with worry isn’t limited to romantic situations — it may happen to doting parents with wayward children, for example, or to ancient patriots over their crumbling kingdom. However, it’s also one of the more (very!) dramatic ways to communicate tragic love in Chinese fiction before Western influence allows “love”, as a term / word / character, to be used explicitly in writing romance. 

Here’s a little example, a little diversion that may be of interest. Those who are familiar with the Wuxia classic Return of the Condor Heroes 神雕俠侶 by Jin Yong 金庸, whether it’s the book or its numerous visual adaptations, may remember how the hero, Yang Guo 楊過, went white at his temples overnight after his Shifu and lover, Xiao Long Nv (小龍女), didn’t show up at the cliff at the end of his 16-year wait for her.  

Set photo from a TV adaption of Return of the Condor Heroes, 1995. Turtles may find the actress playing the perenially white-wearing, calm-to-the point-of-aloof Xiao Long Nv, Carmen Li 李若彤, familiar ~ she also played Lan Yi in The Untamed. 

The 16-year wait, the invitation to Carmen to play Lan Zhan’s ancestor (when the two shared similarities in aesthetics and personality), were two of the three references from Return of the Condor Heroes I picked up from The Untamed (the last one was more specific—WWX mentioned Yang Guo’s master 獨孤求敗). This tribute is unconfirmed, but MXTX did say before that Jin Yong’s works were her inspiration. I also read a (small) discussion on whether LWJ’s hair carried a few pieces of white in the final episode, or if the lighter strands in it were a trick of the sunlight. (Here’s a screenshot of the approximate place to look!!) 

While I lean towards the latter (the sunlight), turning white with worry, with love, is a tradition in Chinese storytelling. Here’s a little something I’ve noticed too, on this note ~ both in the actual interviews and in these fake rumours, Dd’s word choices, the way he conveys emotions are sometimes surprisingly traditional. It can be because of his background (which would require a study of how Luo Yang people and Koreans talk); it can be because the traditional way of talking allows for fewer words to be said, fewer things to have to be explicitly explained (example: LWJ), but the effect is that Dd has supplied the most romantic lines in LRLG’s posts because of that ~ romantic because it harks back to the rhythm, the themes of old poetry, of ancient stories that, as were true everywhere in the world, were about love. 

Okay, back to the rumour (and hoping Dd won’t look like Bad Wig Yang Guo in a few more summers!) ....

The line after the one about white hair ... the way I understand the original Chinese sentence is “Heat is The Reason”: ie, anything Dd wants Gg to do and Gg disagrees, Gg would use heat as The Reason (R) to not do it. This anything may be eating, for example, which also has a strong possibility as conventional Chinese wisdom says that heat causes people to lose appetite. Dd’s worry would therefore be: Gg refusing to eat because he claims it’s too hot to do so.

“Corny joke” ~ the Chinese for this is, literally, “cold 冷 joke 笑話”, which becomes a pun as the gzry (team members)’s joke was about the (cold) winter and black hair. So... Dd threw a corny joke to combat a corny joke :D .

p3. “Apple”

The first half I also had to rely on c-turtles to help me interpret what it meant! Regional dialects aside, LRLG has captured dls’s very quick wit, the way his ideas freely hop from one concept to the next and this hopping carries traditional + popular cultural references that I know only a fraction of, not being a local after all. 

I’ve read an additional interpretation of this segment: “big fruit” 大果兒 (as in dls: “Those are all big fruits, all big fruits”) is a Northern Chinese, traditional slang for women—dls might have connected that with the previous line in the convo about being Guowang, as explained in the translation, and “big and juicy” + “touch to feel” being suggestive phrases. Then, given the rare usage of the big fruit = women slang, dls expressed surprise that Dd understood what he meant, went on to say he expected Gg to know it (implying Gg could’ve taught Dd the meaning) ... 

Which led to the entertaining part of this segment. Dd was like “You guys (= Gg + dls) talked?” Dls appeared to have thought of the scenario customarily inviting this question (scenario: someone on the verge of catching their spouse cheating) and began playacting that scenario, started to stammer ... as if he had just been got caught trying to chat up someone’s spouse  ~  ”I-I-I....how to say it ...”. Dd caught on dls’s playacting and went along, continued with the “accusation”: “You’re stammering”. Dls then noted that Dd’s accusation was scary and Dd smiled, ending the playact ~ so, ah, readers, never mess with Dd’s spouse!! Dd gets scary!! 

(BTW: ”nijia na kouzi” 你家那口子 was explained in the translation for a reason ~ It’s a warm, friendly term for a dear friend’s spouse. 😊)

p4. Lychees

Lychees. Has everyone tried them? It’s important not to over-eat them though...

In which the “Feeding Gg” saga continues! This segment is one of those that are wonderful for fic writers who wish to capture Gg and Dd in words. Gg, like many brought up in traditional families, has trouble saying “no” outright, which is often considered rude. As such, he resorted to delay tactics, something he had also done with the fried noodles in The Makeup Room BTS. 

In the BTS, his delay tactics had been to argue that Dd hadn’t eaten his box of noodles and therefore, he couldn’t start (~2:35 mark)—as proper manners indeed dictated. In this dialogue, his delay tactics was to say he’d eat the lychees later, that the lychees would make him too full for the proper meal (rice). 

A cute thing about this convo is that rather than pouting and grumbling his only being LWJ’s replacement (as he had hilariously done in the BTS), Dd had, apparently over the last three years, become an expert on countering such delay tactics. He peeled the lychees, which not only removed a major obstacle for eating, but also set a timer as peeled lychees get dry quickly (and Gg, despite being a picky eater, didn’t seem to like to waste food). He said the fruit could make appetiser. He got the help of their team members, who assured Gg that two lychees would be all right.

Gg’s response to the assurance... takes a little time to explain. 

The original Chinese line for “Great, great, you’re so awesome” was 絕了絕了你們絕了。 “絕了”, a popular phrase used by Chinese netizens, was repeated three times.

絕, literally, means the extreme, the absolute, the end. 絕了 means pretty much the same ~ a thing that is 絕了 is standing en pointe at the edge of the cliff that is The Absolute End of a spectrum. It is the Ultimate. It can't be surpassed. It’s unbeatable. 

絕了 is usually used in a positive sense, as in the English translation, with the positive being implied. If I say the LWJ photo above is 絕了, for example, I don’t need to specify that the extreme in 絕 stands on the good end. It’s understood given the audience of this post are mostly turtles (HELLO *waves*). We’re all heart-eyes here. We agree, without saying, that this photo is The Top, The Pinnacle; it can’t be better. 絕了 is higher praise than Excellent; it’s so good that there are no adjectives for it. Its own presence defines How Good It Is. 

But 絕了 doesn’t have to be positive. If my audience is Su She ... he’s likely to take the same “This LWJ photo is 絕了” to mean the Mariana Trench kind of Absolute—the bottom of the bottom, the Unbeatable, Adjective-Defying Worst. 

絕了 allows for that understanding too.

In this scenario, I interpret Gg’s 絕了 as taking the meaning of both extremes (which make it a fantastic phrase choice!): that Gg thought Dd and the team members were being both the Absolute Best (for thinking of Gg, caring for him) AND the Absolute Worst (for going against his wish to not eat!) Gg’s 絕了 also signals defeat; if Dd and his team members were The Absolute ... Whatever, then poor Gg had no choice but to yield to their wishes. I can already imagine his “I can’t believe I lose this way” Look (see: every rock-paper-scissors he lost, which was ... pretty much all of them), mixed with, perhaps, a healthy amount of bunny tooth warning (how dare Dd et al banded up against him)...

Those bunny teeth had to be taken care of, right? And so Dd went on to say lychees being good omen that ensure things would go smoothly for the eater... targeting Gg’s being a, as c-turtles call it, 小迷信 (literally, “Little Superstitious”, a young + adorable + superstitious person). Dd said that to help Gg justify the choice to eat, to make Gg feel better about his defeat. 

(Of note: I had actually never heard of lychees being associated with good luck before, and a quick search online also didn’t yield any result. This could be a relatively rare association Google failed to catch ... or something Dd made up on the fly to make Gg happy.) 

(Lychees have, however, been associated with romance. If Emperor’s Smile 天子笑 was The Love Drink in The Untamed, then what is Concubine’s Smile 妃子笑? Answer: it’s the RL name of a type of lychees, lychees being the fruit very much adored by Yang Yuhuan 楊玉環, the consort of the Emperor Xuanzong (685-762 BCE) of the Tang Dynasty and one of the four most beautiful woman in Chinese history. Since lychees had only been grown in southern China, the emperor had had the fruit couriered, in express mode involving many horses, to the palace up north to please his favourite wife. Lychees had become a symbol of love from that historical tale.)

Did Gg get Dd’s message then, the love and care packaged in those peeled, sweet fruit awaiting his bite? Yes, but not without a little more fight! “Eat eat eat, (I’ll eat) until you go bankrupt” is a literal translation of his final line. Tonally, I can see the following as being an alternative translation: 

“Fine fine fine. I’ll eat, it’s not like I can bankrupt you by eating anyway!”

If it sounded a little sulky, that’s because it did ... a little sulky AND fiery. As expected from our favourite Chongqing Big Pepper 😂😂😂 (Poor Gg).

Dd smiled at that, needless to say. He won!!! He got Gg to eat!! The world shall rejoice!! 

p5. “Showtime”

There’s a show coming up for Dd (the YH concert maybe?), and Gg offered suggestions. 

The sweet point of this segment is about half-way down the conversation, in the piece of paper 📄 Gg gave to Dd (after “This is for you.”). Dd took the paper, noted the many words on it, and started saying 我把我整個靈魂, translated as “I bring my entire soul”.

c-Turtles have, based on these words, hypothesised that Dd was about to read out a quote that Gg had written on the paper, with the list of items Gg thought Dd should take, before Gg stopped him with a call of his name (“WYB”). The quote was included on the translation (”I give you my entire soul...only, a little good, love you.”) I have also talked about the same quote, in more detail, here.

I’m equally stumped on the final line of this segment. (Sorry!!)

p6. “Found Family”

It’s a heartwarming segment. While LRLG had previously noted that the TTXS bros had communicated with Gg, this segment made clear that they care for him like they do for Dd ~ as family.

* dls mailed Gg a lot of fruit for sharing with the film crew. “Family member needs to be impressive” is a rough translation, but this line does defy simple translation because 排面 a highly cultural concept that has much to do with the equally complex, Chinese concept of face (which this article explains... somewhat adequately). The message to take home is that dls cared enough about Gg that he wanted to make sure Gg wouldn’t lose face in front of the film crew; that, by having enough gifts (fruits) for everyone, Gg wouldn’t be viewed as cheap or inadequate or stingy, or whatever adjective that wouldn’t befit his top idol status. Because dls saw Gg as a member of his family. 

* The prescription from hg had been mentioned in a previous LRLG rumour. 方子 is a Chinese medicine prescription, which, unlike Western formulations, is individualised both to the discomfort / ailment and to the “body constitution” of the person who'll take it, the latter deciding the kind of ailments the person is susceptible to, and which ingredients are expected to be more effective. Chinese medicine also places a strong emphasises on long-term conditioning, whether it’s for recovery from a certain condition or for general good health. A good 方子 is therefore a far more complex and personal thing than, say, a scribble of “paracetamol” / “acetaminophen” on a piece of paper. :D

* fg’s gift for Gg (xx) is something for the waist. A brace support, maybe? For example?

My favourite line in this segment is when hg asked what will Gg and Dd do when they reach hg’s age. Given that the last two items (the prescription and xx) were health-related, I interpreted it as hg worrying about Gg and Dd’s health when they grow old... with all the health problems they already have. It’s the kind of thing a worried parent say to their children ~ my mom has said the same thing to me as well. 😢

p6. “The Cat Paw”

Not quite sure what’s happening here ... not sure what the cat paw is. (Sorry!!) But that é in the translation is Dd’s signature laugh (collection here), which is written as 鵝 (”Goose”) in Chinese 😂.

p7. “The Cat Toy”

Dd appeared to be shopping for a cat’s toy (something that can “hook the cat” in the translation, such that the cat can entertain itself and not rely on human companionship as much). Gg had already bought the toy though and sounded quite proud of it, told Dd to return the toy. The implied cat was, of course, Nut (堅果 Jianguo)... which had been repeatedly referred to in LRLG’s posts as Gg’s daughter.

p7. “Cool vs Cute”

Gg is often viewed as cute, and Dd as cool. Did Dd dislike Gg taking cute pictures for public consumption? Were they scheming an exchange of image? :D

And that’s it for this issue! Ooh, this took unexpectedly long ... I apologise for the ridiculous delay between the original post and this commentary! 

(I wrote half of it, then RL struck and I forgot about it.) (I’m hopeless.) (I need a 方子 for poor memory!!)

[rainy-day-gracie]

America’s Sweetheart 4

Here it is !! Read previous chapter here <-

Reader deals with nightmares, something Spencer knows all too well. Reader meets the infamous team of the BAU at a lovely party at David Rossi’s.

Slight angst and lots of fluff + the team !!

MASTERLIST

__

I was back on the beach, a grey storm rolling in, thunder echoing across the horizon. The waves weren’t as high up as my first dream, but they still made me stumble. 

As I lost my balance, falling back into the sand, I noticed a figure standing a few feet to my right. A tall man with curly brown hair stood, dressed in a purple sweater vest and long pants. When I looked down, his feet were barefoot. Something in my head told me I should know him, but a name never came into my head. 

“Why did you lie to me?” The man asked, his face looking hurt. 

“Yes YFN, why did you lie to him?” I saw another figure in the corner of my eye, approaching me with a confident nature. The figure didn’t have any defining features, simply an average person, forgettable.  

“What-” My voice suddenly seemed to shut off, and the faceless figure came and pulled down on my hair. My hands dug into the sand, my heart seeming to skip a few beats at a time.

The man with the curly hair stood above me, looking sympathetic but not making any move to help me. 

I tried to cry out, but no sound left my mouth. The storm hit, and water filled my lungs. 

Spencer was shaking me awake in bed, a cold sweat covering my entire body. 

“YFN, hey, it’s just a dream, you’re okay!” Spencer called out, pulling me into his chest as I trembled. “It’s okay, we’re okay...”

It was several minutes before I calmed down again, and I pulled away from him slightly. “What... what happened?”

“You were shouting, screaming for help...” Spencer looked at me with concerned brown eyes. “Is there anything going on?”

My heart skipped a beat, the image of that eerie note flashing in my mind. How could he know? No, he couldn’t possibly know...

“Nothing, just a bad dream. Go back to sleep, Spencer.” I gave him a small peck on the lips before swinging my feet over the side of the bed towards the bathroom. 

Once I was alone, looking in the mirror, I knew he could see easily through my lie. My eyes looked terrified, and if I could see it, Spencer could definitely see it too.

When I walked back out of Spencer’s bathroom, he was still sitting on the bed, clearly wide awake. 

I gave him a sweet smile and another peck on the lips. “Go back to bed,” I pleaded with puppy dog eyes. “Pretty boy.”

Spencer smiled, finally tucking back into the covers. I joined him, wrapping my arms around his waist as the big spoon. 

We both pretended to fall back to sleep, neither of us fooled by the other.  __

Spencer’s team was thoroughly intimidating. How could they not be? Seven people that catch serial killers weekly?

“You’ll love them, I promise,” Spencer said, guiding me up the steps of David Rossi’s house... no, check that, David Rossi’s mansion.  

“I’m sure I’ll love them, but what if they don’t love me? What if-” 

Spencer cut me off, facing me before we knocked on the door. “Aren’t you YFN YLN? Oscar winning actress and movie star of the decade?”

I shoved him lightly on the shoulder. “This is different than that. This is your family, and that’s more important than some stupid trophy.”

Spencer smiled, giving a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “It’ll be great. I promise.”

The door swung open almost as soon as Spencer’s hand touched the wood, revealing a bubbly blonde in a bright pink dress. A grin covered her face ear to ear, and she gasped at the sight of me. 

“You’re even more gorgeous in person! Come in, lovelies!”

As we entered the house, the blonde introduced herself. “I’m Penelope, and you must be YFN-”

“Garcia.” Spencer said nervously, glancing from me to Penelope. 

I quickly offered my hand, which Penelope took in both of hers. “I’m YFN, it’s wonderful to meet you, Spencer had told me great things.”

If possible, Penelope’s grin grew, and she dragged me into a large seating area where other people stood, chatting and drinking wine. The chatter dimmed when I entered the room, but a man I recognized as David Rossi quickly shoved a glass of wine in my hand, making me forget everything else. 

“David Rossi, welcome and make yourself at home!” David said, his eyes warm and kind. 

“Hello, I’m YFN, so nice to meet you. Your house is beautiful,” I gushed, glancing around the immaculate mansion. 

David smiled, looking to Spencer beside me. “I like her already.”

I stood and chatted for a few minutes with Penelope, and I quickly saw what Spencer was talking about when he said Penelope was the loveliest person you could ever meet.  

A woman with raven black hair and a dark skinned man approached me, smiles on both of their faces. The man eyed me jokingly. “You must be the Hollywood Honey I hear so much about.”

I grinned, clinking my wine glass against his. “You must be SSA Derek Morgan, the phone thief, am I right?”

The woman laughed, pointing at Derek. “She got you there. I’m Emily, it’s so nice to meet you.”

I felt a hand on my back, and I turned to see Spencer. “Your friends are wonderful.”

“Um, your girlfriend is wonderful!” Emily giggled, looping her elbow around mine. “You’re sitting next to me at dinner!”

After I met JJ, who was warm and welcoming like the mom she is, and Hotch, who was polite but serious, we all sat down for dinner. One of the best meals I’ve ever had, but also the bond of family and love made my stomach hurt with giggles and my face hurt with smiles. JJ’s son, Henry, was absolutely adorable, and seeing Spencer with kids just amplified my baby fever tenfold. 

Several times I caught Spencer staring at me, and each time I would wink, letting him know everything was okay. 

I almost forgot about the crazy person leaving presents and love letters for me. 

The night ended with laughter, dancing, and lots of peck kisses on the way back to the car. Spencer was definitely not okay to drive, and I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face as he clambered into the passenger’s seat. 

“That was amazing, thank you for inviting me, Spencer,” I giggled, starting to roll down David’s long driveway. 

“You’re incredible. It takes the average person about three months to fall in love, but for me it happened pretty much the first day,” Spencer slurred, his head resting on the corner of his seat. “You were wearing a black baseball cap, and you looked beautiful.”

My heart fluttered at his words. “You’re sweet, and definitely drunk.”

“Not drunk, just lovesick.”

“Whatever.”

“Do you want kids?” Spencer asked out of the blue. 

I couldn’t help the smile that came to my face

We ended up at his apartment, not for any reason but just out of habit. “We’re home, pretty boy.”

His arm was slung across my shoulder even though he could probably walk himself. I teased him as he walked slowly up the stairs, and the moment we got to the apartment, we were dead asleep on the bed. 

I didn’t have a single dream. 

Read next chapter here <-

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[marsmoonqueen]

Prejudge

Professor!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warning: Nothing I can think of (?) If you find something, send me a message.

Prompt / Summary: Bucky just learned a lesson: You have to ask before you make assumptions. 

Note: So, I learned something with this, Peter’s mom’s maiden name was Fitzpatrick. Also, I wanted to make this one since what feels like forever. Btw, isn’t Sebastian Stan the loveliest? If there is a mistake or something you can totally tell me so we can fix it! :)

2.40 pm

'God be damned, I'll totally be late, again.' Y/n thought as she saw how many slides were left for the class to end.

Usually she wouldn’t mind staying a little longer to finish a class, especially if it was the last of the day; but now, with her nephew Peter under her wing, a lot of things changed, sadly, her school schedule wasn’t one to change.

 At 3.15 pm Dr. Banner let the students go home. He was very passionate about the subject he taught, and Y/n appreciated that a lot… just not at that moment. As fast as she could, she put her laptop, books and bottle of water in her backpack and ran to her car.

 Finally, after what felt like years, she arrived to Peter's school at 3.45 pm. Earlier than the last time at least. Still in the car she set her eyes to the building's main entrance and started to worry when she realized Peter was not there. Rapidly she got out of the car.

'No, no fucking way' 'He knows he is supposed to wait for me here'��'Oh no, where could he be?'

 Before she could start losing her mind somebody cleared their throat. "Excuse me, are you here for Peter Parker?"

Y/n jumped as soon as the woman finished her question. "Yes, yes, I'm here for him! Do you know where he is?"

She could swear that she saw pity in the woman's green eyes "Yes, he is in Professor Barnes' classroom."

Relief washed all over the young girl's body "Awesome, could you lead me there?"

"Yes" the mature woman in front of her looked rather uncomfortable, but Y/n had no mind at that moment to pay attention to that.

 The lady walked her through corridors with open doors at the sides, which made the young doctor self-conscious; all the kids were already home, maybe doing homework or playing, and her nephew was stuck here because she couldn’t arrive at time.

 Before she could start self-destroying herself both women arrived to a corridor with a closed door in its left wall.

“That’s Professor Barnes’ classroom, knock before entering.” And with that the woman turned around and left; leaving an alone Y/n to her devices.

 Without thinking too much, the girl knocked the door twice and waited till a rough voice inside told her to come in. Upon opening the door, her eyes found Peter and she got to her knees and extended her eyes.

 “Kiddo! I finally found you!” As soon as her mouth opened, Peter ran to her arms, and the so called ‘Professor Barnes’ set his eyes on her.

“Y/n!” The kid yelled.

“Bloody hell Peter! I was so worried kid.” She told him, separating from him to put her hands on his shoulders.

“But I’m okay!” He said with a happy smile. “And I already finished homework!”

“That’s awesome dude!” She stroked his hair, then turned to the Professor, who got up from his chair. “Thank you for taking care of him while I was busy Mr.-” She left the sentence incomplete, hoping he would introduce himself. The older man didn’t smile.

“While you were gone you mean.” Any trace of a smile erased from the girl’s face.

“Go-” ‘Gone?’ she wanted to ask.

“Mrs. Parker, a word please” He interrupted her, and before she could tell him that ‘Parker’ wasn’t her last name, but Fitzpatrick, he passed next to her through the door and waited for her outside.

“Pack your things okay?” She tried to smile for the boy, and got up, walking outside the classroom and closing the door behind her.

 “Yes sir? What did you need?” She asked, without her usual smile, but with a polite voice.

“Mrs. Parker, if you didn’t have time for a kid, you shouldn’t have had one” He told her, the roughest voice she had ever heard.

“Come again?” She asked surprised. How could he talk to her like that?

“Look Mrs. Parker, let’s not play pretend, this is the 10th time in this month that you arrive late, today was the 5th  time Peter didn’t have anything to eat at lunch, and the 8th he has fallen asleep at my class, and that’s only talking about my class.” He said, his blue eyes piercing through her soul. She felt bad, but there was little she could do to change what was happening.

 She arrived late because she had classes at the exact same moment Peter got out of school; those three times he went to school without lunch were because they were short of money, or because the bar she worked at couldn’t pay her sooner; and the constant tiredness of Peter was because of the nightmares that didn’t let him, and her, sleep at night. She knew that, this wasn’t her fault, she was trying everything in her power to make this work, even giving him her lunch and staying hungry herself. She knew that. She knew she was doing her best. He didn’t. But at that moment she was left speechless.

 “I- I” She tried to defend herself.

“I, I and only I. That’s the point Mrs. Parker, you have to think about him, not you!” He yelled at her, his impeccable and always in place brown hair getting messy with the sharp movements he made. “Look, Mrs. Parker, we don’t want this to go any further, right? So, I suggest you to start taking better care of your kid, the scholar year has just started, if this situation stays the same, I’m afraid I’ll have to call my superiors and if be needed child support.”

If his scream didn’t scare her, the threat of calling child support did. Y/n was so close to cry in front of him, but she took a deep breath and looked him at the eyes. “I get it sir; is there anything else you would like to discuss?”

Her response made him want to yell at her, but an opening door and a sweet voice stopped him.

“Y/n are you done? I want to go home.” Peter chimed in their conversation.

“Yes Peter, I am, let’s go home.” The girl smiled at him, and without glancing at the teacher, she took the boy’s backpack in one hand and his hand in the other, and the two of the walked back to her car.

   Something James Barnes always prided himself of was his ability to observe the kids around him, and if it was necessary to put their parents in place. He could be the sweetest to his children, who often called him “Professor Bucky” or simply “Bucky”, but he could be the devil in person with the parents that didn’t take proper care of their children.

 Peter Parker had been by far his favorite student, the little boy was so intelligent, it scared him sometimes; he knew a lot of fun facts, he was especially good at math and natural sciences; Bucky though he could be a doctor with all his knowledge in the human body, but the boy often told him that, that wasn’t for him.

 Anyway, the little boy was so dedicated and passionate that he often found himself and the boy discussing a certain topic seen in his class during lunch break; that’s how he noticed that sometimes the boy didn’t have food to eat, or that sometimes he was so sleepy he would stare at some point in the distance and fall asleep.

 Bucky felt so mad at Peter’s parents, that it didn’t matter to him that Peter’s mother was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, or that she seemed indeed worried about him. No. He was so mad because she and her husband couldn’t give Peter the proper love and care that he deserved. And now that he thought about it, she was way too young to know what she was doing. And that made him angrier. Anyway, it didn’t matter anymore, for usually when he talked to the parents everything went better.

 Except this time, it didn’t.

 The day after the “talk” with his mother, Peter missed school.

 And the day after that, he arrived with a frown in his face and sat at the back of the room. He made no sound in all day, nor did he share fun facts or answers with the rest of the class, and at lunch break he took his things and without sparing a glace to Bucky walked out of the classroom with his friend Ned. He was picked up at three o’clock sharp by that woman he was now starting to dislike. Did she told Peter not to talk to him anymore? Had she hurt him to make Peter ignore him? Was she making Peter’s life a living hell? Is that why he missed school and was in a bad mood? The doubts made Bucky’s head ache. He needed to talk to Peter to know why he was all moody.

 Next day arrived, and Peter did the same: sat at the back and ignored Bucky, he had a frown again. At lunch time Bucky tried to call him, but the boy was already out of the classroom when the bell sang.

 Two more days passed the same, until a faithful Friday after classes, Peter was waiting to be picked up when Bucky told him to go to the classroom to wait for his parents to come for him. Peter looked at him with a mix of anger and hurt, but walked to the classroom anyway and sat at the end of the room. Bucky followed him

 “What is it Peter? Why don’t you talk to me anymore?” Bucky asked with the softest voice he had. Peter had taken out a book that read ‘Anatomy for kids’ and was ignoring him. “I know, why don’t we talk about anatomy? I heard you talking about it with your friend Ned during lunch time the other day.” He said again, smiling.

 “I don’t want to talk with you” The young boy whispered, making Bucky’s smile disappear.

 “Why Peter?” Bucky tried again. Peter mumbled something behind his book that he couldn’t catch. “What did you say Peter?” He asked getting closer.

 “Because you made her cry!” He screamed at the top of his lungs, tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

 “Wha- what do you mean Peter?” Bucky tried to hug him or something but the kid jumped out of his chair.

 “You made her cry! You made auntie Y/n cry! She cried all night and asked me forgiveness one hundred times! She thinks she is a bad aunt because of what you told her, but she is the best thing I have ever had since- since”

 “Since what Peter?” Bucky pushed him further.

 “Since my parents went to heaven” And with that hell broke lose and Peter started crying like there was no tomorrow, Bucky got to his knees and tried to comfort the kid but nothing seemed to work, until the door opened, and the girl he had before confused with Peter’s mother came running to the kid and hugged him.

 She threw her backpack to the floor and Bucky could see medicine books and a stethoscope fly out of the poorly closed bag. Then everything clicked to Bucky, why she was always late, why she looked so young, why Peter never got mad like other kids when she was late. Because she was doing what she could do.

 “Shh, shh, it’s okay my boy, it’s okay. Do you want to talk about it?” She whispered as she rocked him on the floor back and forth in her arms.

 “Aunt Y/n I miss my mommy” The girl’s eyes filled with tears.

 “Me too, kiddo, me too. But you mommy would be so sad to watch you cry. Do you remember that song she used to sing to your dad?”

 “Ye-ah, it-it was pretty.” Peter answered in a whisper, trying to regulate his breath.

 “How does it go?” Y/n made a thoughtful face, and Peter separated from her a little to see her face. “oh yes…  I'll reach my hands out in the dark

And wait for yours to interlock I'll wait for you I'll wait for you

'Cause I'm not givin' up I'm not givin' up, givin' up No, not yet Even when I'm down to my last breath Even when they say there's nothin' left So don't give up on”

Peter’s eyes shined as he sang too. Bucky still in the floor with them saw how Peter slowly became sleepier and let Y/n carry him to the exit. When she tried to take his and her things, Bucky took them from her and walked behind her to her car, once she laid Peter down in the back seats, and closed the door. Bucky started talking:

“I’m so sorry Miss Parker, I-”

“Y/n Fitzpatrick, but you can call me Y/n. Parker was my sister’s married name… she died some months ago, and now I’m Peter’s legal guardian” She interrupted him, as she opened the trunk, took the backpacks and books from him and threw them in.

“I’m sorry Y/n, if I had known what was going on, I wouldn’t have said that.” Bucky told her, shame and guilt written all over his face.

“It’s okay, I guess I will have to push a little harder to be the tutor Peter deserves” She said looking at the floor ashamed.

“No!” Bucky’s sudden yell made her jump. “You are doing great, Peter talks wonder of you, says you are the best thing that has happened to him since his parents. I told you all those things because I thought you weren’t taking proper care of him… he is such an amazing kid, and now I know that in part because of you, I saw the book he was reading ‘Anatomy for kids’ he most admire you a lot”

The girl smiled “I took him to one of my classes some days ago, he seemed to love it”

“I’m sure he did” It was his turn to smile, and Y/n was awestruck; she knew from the moment she saw him that the man was handsome, with his frown and everything. But here, with a smile on his face, his blue eyes sparkling and the little wrinkles, sign that he smiled often; man, at that moment she thought she was in front of a god. “I’m James Barnes, but my kids call me Professor Bucky, you can call me Bucky too.” Oh, dear God, he called his students HIS children, how heartwarming was that? She knew he was good with kids; he wasn’t Peter’s favorite teacher for nothing. But this, this was beyond lovely.

 “Nice to officially meet you Bucky.” His smile got bigger when he heard her. His name sounded heavenly coming from her lips.

 “Likewise,” And then both adults looked at the floor, speechless. But Bucky wasn’t having none of that, he was going to make it up to her. He cleared his throat. “Would you like to… go to the park? I mean, Peter, you and me. I have a lot to make up for.”

 “You have nothing to make up for, really, I get that you were trying to help Peter.”

 “Well maybe I don’t have to, but I would like to…”

 Y/n didn’t know what to do, she didn’t want to go out with him just because he felt guilty, she didn’t date often, mostly because she had no time, but also because she didn’t want to waste her time in boys that wouldn’t stay around, or wouldn’t understand what her duty was, especially now with Peter by her side. Bucky seem to understand that, but if he really just did that to ease his guilt?

 “Please” He whispered taking her hand and looking straight at her eyes, he seemed honest.

 She was going to accept but a younger voice interrupted her from inside the car “Say yes aunt Y/n. I want to go to the Park” And soon Peter’s face was showing through the still open trunk, his cheeks resting in the back seat, “Please auntie”

 Bucky and the girl laughed “Seems like I am forgiven” He said smiling at little Peter.

 “Just if aunt Y/n accepts to go to the park with us!” Peter exclaimed, but the three of them knew he had already forgiven Bucky.

 “What do you say Y/n? Do you help me earn Peter’s forgiveness?” The blue-eyed man asked her, his eyes shining with hope.

 The girl giggled “You will win him back with an ice cream and a race to the swings” She now realized that they still had their hands entwined.

 “And do you have any tips to win you over?” He stepped closer.

 She squished his hand “That can be discussed later over a coffee, for now let’s go to the park”

 He smiled, she smiled, Peter yelled excited, and the three of them started a story together.

[lovedcult]

happy birthday to the bestie @summerlost​​ 💗💭 !!!!!!!!!!!!!  jia. 🙈 what a crazy year it's been. all these memories we've made together. girl you crazy 😫but im not even about to put all that on tumblr 😂. congrats on another trip around the sun, im so proud of you ❤ love u girlie see u at the club LMFAOO😂❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉 

( jk ur real bday message is under the read more ilu HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABEY )

literally me preparing this message just hours before ur birthday but i was determined to have it ready by the time it hit midnight for u so HERE I AM HELLO 🤍 going to try and make this letter heartfelt and cute because we never say things like this to each other but u really have become such an important person in my life in such a short time u just mean very much to me and i really do want you to know just wonderful and special u are to me !! we have only known each other ?? like 5 months ? is that right ? girl idk but within those 5 months we have managed to talk to each other like every single day except maybe 2 days isn’t that so crazy ? so i want to thank u for always keeping me company and crying over txt with me and just being such a warm source of happiness in my life, it really has been so wonderful to get to know you and to be ur friend 🤍 

going to list some things that you’ve done for me that maybe you don’t know you’ve done for me but you deserve to know .. i know i said i was gonna get mushy here but good ness .. anyway it’s so nice to wake up to messages from u everyday and to go to sleep after talking to u all day and knowing that i will have a friend whenever i need it like fr i don’t know how we do it because i am usually so bad at communication rip ..... it has just always felt so easy to talk to you and we clicked right away and there was never a moment of awkwardness like there can be when first meeting someone which thank god .  i’m more comfy with u than i have been with some friends i’ve known for 5+ years and i think that says a lot about our friendship as well as you as a person. we talk literally all the time and it just makes me so happy, i look forward to talking to u every day 💗 whether its about our ships or personal lives or random shite or my godson pumpkin it never matters to me, i am just so happy you are here and that i get to know you

did you know i like never listened to taylor swift before meeting u ? apart from that one time i saw her live in concert when i was like 12 but i don’t even remember that NSNSNSN but i’ll have you know the songs you’ve showed me are special to me now and i enjoy listening to them and she will now forever remind me of u! i have a tendency to try to get into things and like what my friends like so just know whenever you show me stuff i will file it in the heart shaped jia folder in my brain and keep it there forever. literally no matter what it is. tht goes for pacrim too that was so random but i became obsessed with it right after u showed it to me and i’ve actually watched it twice more after we watched it together <3 speaking of, i hope we can have more movie nights together or just cute lil kosmi dates in general because they are so fun and we have a watchlist piling up already so we should crack that open when we can … whenever ur nawt busy being a doctor or whatever

reminds me; do u remember that time i panicked because i ate burnt chicken nuggets and u told me i was gonna get c*ncer ? girl fun times NMDCNBJSAKFJSFJSDV just so you know i WILL be directing any of my future health concerns to u because i might just break otherwise bc i don’t know how to survive and we don’t want that i don’t think so glad i have a smart sexy big brain friend like u in my life

i hope you have a wonderful wonderful wonderful day today which you just might because it’s also txt comeback today ( u fuckin lucky bitch i cant believe they are obsessed with u ) you deserve it so much !! you work so hard all of the time and i know school can be stressful as well as life but i really am so proud of u because u are doing great things and it will all pay off. u are never alone through any of it either so when it gets too hard u will always have me beside u !!! promise !!!! i love u lots !!!!! even tho ur a gemini !!!! but ur my gemini !!!!!!!

also want to mention how just WONDERFUL it has been writing with u omg ??? we have 11 official plots going on rn as well as a bunch of unofficial ones and it has just been the loveliest experience getting to write and ship with u with every single one of them and it’s just been so fun. u are such a talented writer and u put so much effort and thought into all of ur muses which i immensely applaud u for. you should know this already though considering i am vocally in love with all of them ( when jungjae finally d words i will be coming to sweep up sooyeon i really dont care what u have to say its out of ur hands ? let it go ) … jia best rp partner .. i’ve never had a writing partner that gets so involved with our plots the way you do with me and shows the interest that you do and it means so very much to me, i feel very lucky and im forever thankful u messaged me the day u did and introduced urself because i am a scared bitch and probably would have just admired u from afar on the dash instead <3 i hope we can have 327234 more plots and ships in the future because u have managed to make each of them so special. 

i feel like this letter is so all over the place but am i gonna go back in and make it prettier ? naur because im a mess writing it so ur getting the full heidy emotional love spill experience .. this is the first bday im spending with u so i had to write u this & let u know just how much u mean to me . literally thinking abt u all the time and am always hoping u are happy and having good days on the other side of the world <3 ur just that wonderful. thank u for being my friend beyond the rpc and i hope the future can bring us even closer together !!!! i love u so much stinky ( with affection ) stay sexy ......... <33333

us btw

[amwritingmeta]

JiB10

So, last year, for various reasons, I didn’t actually put down my experience of JiB, but are y’all ready to hear all about this year’s experiences and adventures? 

Well, in condensed form. I mean, what is this - LiveJournal? (okay yeah kinda is but no not going into excruciating detail here just the best bits) (the choice cuts, as it were) (watch me go full butcher) (it’ll be entertaining I swear) :P

So, firstly, I’m a panel rat. I fucking love those panels. All the panels. It’s mainly why I get the Angel Pass, because the seats are so good and I’m all about them good seats, yeah? 

I have friends who spend a whole lot of time in line for ops or for autos and I just… can’t… do that. Not when there’s talking happening and answering of questions and just that room being MAGIC, because the entire con feels so inclusive and filled with open-minded like-minded human beings who share in our love of this glorious show.

I started a JiB Log, but figured I’d get too distracted to actually update it regularly, because that’s what last year was like. When you’re not in a panel you’re either walking to grab something quick to eat (have to commend the little smoothie place at the airport, because they did good sandwiches and really good coffee at a reasonable price) or you’re heading to the hotel bar to get absolutely plast-… No, actually didn’t do that this year, so correction: or you’re heading to the hotel bar to see who’s there and catch up with people who have been to their ops and are still shaking with excitement. 

(you can also comment on the wonderful imagination of strangers in the ladies’ room when you see them shaking with excitement and are dressed up in bridal gowns) (okay there was one lovely dressed up as a bride so maybe plural is the wrong way to go but the sentiment holds true) (JiBers - you are so fucking awesome and I LOVE YOU ALL)

Okay, so wanna know the most basic things I’ve learned about how to JiB? I mean… if you don’t, then stop reading, I guess, because imma tell ya. #fairwarning

Bring Snacks (you won’t regret it) 

Bring Alcohol (you won’t regret it)

Good Footwear (you won’t regret it)

Clothes For Every Occasion (you may regret it if you overpack) (don’t overpack) (Google “packing tutorial by Jensen Ackles”) (worth it)

Choose Wisely (just general solid advice) (I mean, get your priorities straight) (panel rat or up close and personal kitty cat) (or both) (sidenote: I take it choosing to be both is quite stressful) (make sure that your stress sensors are up and that you don’t overdo it) (switching between rat and cat is bound to be internally messy) (okay that actually came out as not haha solid but actual solid advice so yeah) (be prepared that doing both is difficult!) (and having lots of ops and wanting to do all autos means probably missing a whole lot of panels for standing in line and waiting) (even the solo panels with the main players or - and I will question your sanity - the joint panels that close the weekend) (well not the very final panel) (nobody missed the J2M panel because all ops and autos had closed by then) (but yes prioritise wisely)

Be Open (because, no matter what, you are bound to meet someone you click with at this event) (most people) (actually every stranger I gave a throwaway comment to) (were so chill and happy to have a brief chat or share a moment with me) (so even if you’re traveling by yourself you are bound to feel embraced) *jazz hands rome magic*

Pinches of Salt (take everything you see and hear with healthy pinches of salt) (I briefly forgot about this on Monday morning and oh boy I could’ve saved myself a world of stupidity if I’d only remembered it yeah?)

MNC (get your sweet ass to the Monday Night Concert because both my years of JiBing it has been mind-blowing) (this year was better than last year honestly) (which I did not think could happen) (they are the bee’s bees and the bear’s bear) *throws all the love at them*

When it comes to impressions and memories made this particular trip, I feel like the whole week has been one long run of blessings. Sincerely, it’s been - oh what’s the word again? --> MAGIC. 

I’m not going to go through all the boring personal moments of Holy Fuck *jazz hands rome magic* but I will just say that I think I stepped out of passport control with the widest smile, and it barely left my face for the entire weekend. The panels were wonderful this year. I’m still on a high. No, seriously. It’s almost a week later and I haven’t been hit by the JiB blues yet, and perhaps I won’t this year.

*prays I land a pass for next year* *GAH* *the nail-biting begins*

Confession time? (…when in Rome)

Confession 1 — I have such a crush on Rob. I mean, I’ve had it for years, but time to make it official, I guess. He just seems like the sweetest, loveliest human being and watching him sing is like… watching the stars light in the sky. He is such an amazing singer and performer. He made me cry. He sang Fare Thee Well and he made me cry at the Monday Night Concert. 

*no I was NOT drunk* *though damn that G&T was strong* *oh btw the drinks in Rome are amazing and worth the money because extra alcoholic* *like damnnnnn* *just as an aside* *but also bring your own bourboun* *winks at @waywardliliana* *sup gurl?* *winks again* *winks some more* *can’t stop now* *licks lips* *yeah I know* *uncomfortable?* *licks lipssss againnnnn* *okay stopping now* *….or am I…….?*

:P

Confession 2 — The panel-watching truly is a huge amount of fun. This year there were a lot of things said that made me want to jump up and down in my seat, because it gives me a lot of hope for season fifteen and Jensen provided most of it on the Saturday, and then Jared was pretty much agreeing with Jensen’s assessments of how the brothers’ journeys should end on the Sunday, and I was like GAH! *happy* And then Misha throws in his belief that there needs to be a sacrifice and tragedy and we all went NO! Also his fear that this family of ours will disperse and we all went NOOO! :) Anyway, these are all stated observations, but the confession is this:

As much as I love spending time in a space that is occupied by some of my favourite human beings on this planet (oh but they are), what makes JiB so truly, deeply, personally special is meeting up with friends who otherwise live too far away to see on the regular. All of us convening in this one place to share in this one great love is like electricity through your veins. It’s like… well, it’s like going to a place of worship, and I think you know what I mean. When you’re in a room with a group of peope who’s energy jives with yours, then your energies align, and resonate, and then — MAGIC.

It’s magical. It’s fucking magical. *jazz hands*

Shoutout to everyone I managed to see this year who have not yet been lip-licked at in this post (or real life), whether it was much too brief (so many of you were much too brief) or whether we spent quality time, seeing you all really made the trip sparkle: 

@captainhaterade - who made such a fantastic and impromptu seat mate - thank you, Emily, for having me next to you for most of the weekend! :D 

@eriquin - Meghan, it was so lovely to meet you and I’m thrilled you and Emily both enjoyed your first con, very happy I got to be a part of it! :)

@trickster-angel - my dear Chiara, it took us a few tries, but we finally got to sit down in the Corner (if you get to go next year then I think this may be where we’re all just convene from now on) (*suggestion*) *nobody puts us in a corner except us!* :P So good to meet you!

@inacatastrophicmind - Mara! We met much, much too briefly, but I’m so, so glad we did! See you around tumblr, my friend, and hopefully at JiB11! :)

@misskittyspuffy - aw man, Aurelie, we kept missing each other and I really wanted to sit down and have a proper lunch or dinner, but at least you and--

@assbuttboyfriends - hey, Claire, my dear, at least you and Aurelie aren’t that far away, right? Come visit me in London, I tell ya! :D Otherwise, proper plan-making for next year. xx

@bold-sartorial-statement - a brief hello was still a good hello! Hope you enjoyed the con! xx

@jenmdixon - it was good to say hello to you, my dear, and really hope you enjoyed the con (and didn’t die under those lights because it got HOT) (no wonder the actors are fan-addicts) :) xx

@purgatory-jar - Elena, it was, as ever, fantastic to see you and I’m stoked I got to have a proper lunch with you this time around. You have always been and will always be one of my absolute favourite artists in this fandom and, by extension, anywhere. Already a star, girl!

Shoutout to @northern-sparrow - I was sorry that I missed you at the bar, but there’s always next year. Hope you enjoyed the con and thanks for asking The Perfect Question. :D xx

Finally, @godshipsit​ -- Alessia, my friend, you are this calm, welcoming, very dear part of Rome and JiB for me (last year you supported me so much just by being there) and you are simply brilliant! *all the prettiest flowers at your door*

And to my two felines who are tumblring, but not very often: Laura and Steph, you wonderfuls! Thanks for all the laughs!!

*I now proceed to throw love at you all*

Confession 3 — I have a Favourite Moose. Nope, it’s not who you think it is. (girl, I almost put the hashtag on here but in the current climate) (I think I’d just better not) (especially since I wanna tag you) (hey, Moose!) (hey @natmoose!) (yes you!) (Nat-Blue!) :) #theconversationalists 

Now, the highlights from this years con are too numerous for me to write them all down, really, but here’s a taster:

Ricky Whittle (the man is a genius comedian)

Rob talking about how his fandom experience has changed since he, for the first time, is seeing comments like “I hate your face” (the way he says “I hate your face”) (*giggle*) (also it’s such a question of tone because most of those “I hate your face”s are probably said with loads of love) (because Chuck going ultimate big bad toxic masculinity representative is fucking BRILLIANT) *love to hate his face* 

Matt telling the airplane story

Alex reenacting different parts of the airplane story

Alex choosing Jasmine from Aladdin to put a spin on and making the twist that he’ll rob the wishes from Aladdin like -->

Alex: *sings* I can show you the world *interrupts* I’m just like yo, just give me these wishes. Don’t mess with me. How about this? I’ll show myself the world, okay?

I really, really very much like Alexander Calvert, okay?

Briana being distracted by herself on the stage monitor (she’s gorgeous and she knows it and is also open about how it costs her a lot of money and time and effort and how that’s not for everyone and real beauty runs so much deeper) (which is why she is the most gorgeous woman)

Jared telling us all to shut up during his Sunday morning solo panel (and basically all of his time on stage, but especially this half an hour of stage time, because my GOD he was in such a good mood)

Misha

Jensen going off on a minor rant about Game of Thrones S08E05 because yesssss

Jared doing that jump-and-a-skip at his panel with Misha

Jared’s panel with Misha

Jensen telling Misha he loves him and them hugging, only for Jensen to turn it into a joke and pretty effectively demonstrating how this is how they interact and they don’t mean anything by taking the piss out of each other because yesssss

sincerely, all the solo panels (especially Jensen’s, because he’s so sincere and open and honest about how seriously he takes his work and it’s gorgeous and inspiring and always has been and always will be and)

I mean, Jensen lying flat on his back on that stage and Misha saying You Sexy Bitch is very, very, very… overt. I side-eye. But with a whole lot of appreciation for the balls on those two. I’d venture that they know exactly what they’re doing, and I’ll forever wonder what the percentage is between performative and spur-of-the-moment. Sometimes I think you can tell, but… oh, they know what we like. Usually. :)

Jared bringing the dirty. I just love his filthy mind.

All of their filthy minds tbh. 

Singing Carry On My Wayward Son in the hallway after the final panel is just… one of the best parts, and this year they all came out and high fived and gave hugs and… it was special 

The Monday Night Concert surpassed last year’s and went on for nearly two hours and was deeply moving for many reasons and I wish to the good Heavens (…okay you know what I mean) that Jensen and Briana will record Shallow because I think their version beat the original (damn Briana’s voice is just… damn!) (and I can’t talk about Jensen singing please don’t make me talk about it) (…) (thank you)

Also Richard Speight Jr because Richard Speight Jr!!

Also just Jason Manns because Jason Manns!!

And The Four Cheese!!

See, there’s just tOO MuCH STuFF

<3

And now it’s over and I’m still hopped up on the adrenaline and the happiness and Jensen talking about spreading happiness (I believe it was either during the opening panel with he and Jared on the Saturday or his solo panel later that afternoon) made me feel light as a feather, because he’s right. A healthy dose of real happiness builds you up from the inside out and makes you believe you’re worth it. All of it, yeah? And that, whatever comes your way, you can handle it. Oh, it can be a struggle, but if you only dare to be open, then good things, my peeps. 

Good things do happen.

I hope to see you next year!!

[azriel-is-my-cinnamon-roll]

43.“She’s my best friend. That hasn’t changed.” “It’s clear your feelings for her has.” and 58.“Why me?” “Because you saw me when I was invisible.” For Elriel, ft. Mor (lol) Love your writing, btw!! Keep it up!!

Thank you so much, you guys don’t know what your comments mean to me.

43. “She’s my best friend. That hasn’t changed.” “It’s clear your feelings for her has.”58.“Why me?” “Because you saw me when I was invisible.” Here we go, hope you enjoy.  

Her hands were halfway in the soil, just as usual. Elain was never afraid to get her hands dirty, and it fascinated Azriel because he knew that even if she would be covered in dirt from head to toe, she would still be the loveliest thing he’d ever seen.

Elain shrugged looking down at the plants as if something went wrong-  Azriel had no idea, none when it came to flowers, but he could read her, at least he thought he could.

Only the cauldron knows how much time Azriel spend looking at her, trying to read her emotions. Right now he was supposed to be reading his reports, and he did, at least that’s what she thought. But he couldn’t read those boring papers when she was in front of him. Lately, he was always late to present his work to Rhys, and the highlord surely noticed, but for his sake said nothing.

Elain was wearing a pale yellow gown. Her hair was down, in lazy waves around her shoulders, and his hands itched to touch it.

They were best friends for so long. Friends that would comfort each other after their past nightmares. Azriel could only imagine how disgusted she would be to find out about his feeling towards her, feelings that were nothing on a friendly side. He knew he was in love with her for a long time. Five years ago was the first time he realized that he loved her, and those feelings were growing stronger with each day.

He wanted to go to her, tug her by her waist to his chest, to hold her close and never let go. As if reading his mind she looked at him and smiled, it lasted only a second, but his heart skipped a few beats.

Just like nothing happened she went back to work. The way her hands moved, everything about her was so delicate, so, so precious.

The tap on his back snapped him out of the trance that he called Elain, and he nearly jumped.

Mor was standing by his side “She’s beautiful isn’t she?” Azriel blushed, clearly caught off guard.

“I guess,” he murmured. Mor’s eyes landed on him, a knowing smile danced on her lips. “You should tell her you to know? Before it’s too late.”

Azriel shoulders straightened. “Tell her what?” Mor rolled her eyes. “As a spymaster, you aren’t exactly hiding your feelings well, you changed.”

“And what if I tell her and ruin our friendship? She’s my best friend. That hasn’t changed.”

Mor took a seat now, “It’s clear your feelings for her has. Azriel you deserve to be happy. Let yourself be happy.” Azriel closed his eyes down. “I don’t think that she is interested in me in that way.”

“Again, what happened to your spymaster skills? She is obviously interested, you two danced around each other for years, and it’s painful to watch. Besides my gift is true” She nudged him with an elbow, “There’s so much truth in her eyes when she looks at you Az. It isn’t a question if she loves you; it’s the question if you can love yourself enough to see it, and let yourself be happy.”

Azriel looked at Elain who turned to him and smiled, the smile suddenly becoming sad when she saw Mor. She turned back to her flowers. “And if I do let myself be happy, and if I disappoint her-” Mor interrupted him “You won’t disappoint her. It is simply not in you to disappoint the people you love.”

Mor stood up, “Do something about it. I have a meeting in a court of nightmares in ten minutes.” and with that, she strolled off without him even getting to wish good luck.

Azriel stood up, and his feet started to move of their own accords. He was standing and shielding Elain from the sun; his shadow fell on her; she looked up and beamed. Such a bright smile that he felt if someone has punched him in the gut.

“Are you done with your reports?” she asked a hope in her voice.

Azriel shrugged. Right, that was what he was working on the whole morning. “Not exactly.” her smile faded a bit.“Oh,” she looked down.

“But I will always make time for you.” She looked up the smile back on her face, and Azriel got the feeling that he would do just about anything for it to never disappear again.

Elain shoved Azriel what to do, and they worked in silence at first until Elain broke it. “I have to ask you something.”

Azriel let go of the red flower plant he was holding and looked to Elain. “I mean we’re best friends right, so I can ask you anything?” Azriel nodded, “Anything, Elain.”

She took a deep breath, whatever she was going to ask, she was afraid of his reaction, “Are you still- you know, are you still in love with Mor?” Her voice was weak. That was what he least expected to be asked.

“You know I don’t. Yes, I loved her for a long time, but not anymore, especially when she has a wife now.” Elain didn’t show any emotions.

“And if she wouldn’t have a wife, would you love her still?” Azriel shook his head, how can he explain that a place in his heart was taken by her. Therefore he will never love Mor or any other female again.

“No, I don’t have any feelings left for Mor; I love her as a family that’s all.” Elain nodded her head.

“Why are you asking that?”

Elain looked uncomfortable for a moment, “It doesn’t matter.” Azriel shook his head. “It does, why did you ask Elain.”

She stood up in one fast-moving, and Azriel followed, “Because you told me that I can ask you anything.”

Azriel looked down a disappointment coating his features. “And-” Elain continued and took a shuddering breath, he looked up at her again, only to find her blushing and looking everywhere but his eyes. “And?” he asked, suddenly feeling a wave of nausea of fear and hope.

“And, because it would be very unfortunate for me if you’d still love her .” Azriel took a tiny step forward, was this going where he thought it was going?

“And why is that?” he asked in a low voice, so afraid to be misreading her words. “Because I love you, I have for a long time.”

Azriel dreamed of hearing those words for so long. He should confess his own feelings, say that he loves her back but all he managed was, “Why me?”

Elain was still not looking at him “Because you saw me when I was invisible. Because you saved me from the darkness that threatened to consume me. Because you are my best friend, and that both pains me and makes me so happy. Because you saved me so many times. Because, even as dark, as you think you are, you were my only light for so long.”

She laughed a little at herself, “Honestly Azriel, I could stand here and tell you the reasons for why I love you the whole day, but it’s embarrassing.” She bit her lip, her cheeks were so red, and Azriel beamed. “Spare me my misery and say something?” There was such a worry in her voice that his smile faded. How could she think that he didn’t feel the same way.?

“I love you too Elain Archeron; I think I loved you from the moment I met you, even if I didn’t know it back then. There’s only a place for you in my heart.” Elain finally met his eyes and beamed.

He didn’t know who kissed, who first only that they crashed into each other. He cupped her cheek, and she dragged her hands into his hair. The kiss was every emotion, every feeling he held for her- let loose. And when they stopped for the air, both Azriel and Elain were grinning.

Her lips were red and eyes puffy, but that wasn’t all. Soil. There was soil all over her cheeks. She seemed to be seeing the same on his face, she moved her eyes to his hair and bit her lip trying to hide a smile- Azriel wanted to do it for her. “That bad?” he asked instead.

Even with the dirt of her face, she was still the most beautiful creature, “Nothing we can’t fix.” She took his hand in hers and started walking towards the house, only to be swept by his arms. He held her close to his heart, where she belonged all along. Elains cheeks were on fire. “I can walk you know.” there was laughter in her voice.

“Oh, I know. I just thought you should know that I’m not intending on ever letting you go.” She laughed- the sound so joyous that it warmed his heart. “It’s a good thing that I’m planning to stay here for a while.”

Let me know if you would like to be added or removed from my tag list.Tags: @illyriangarbage // @illyrian-bookworm // @nowheregirldk// @maastrash  // @writer-reader-traveller // @ifangirlninja // @my-ships-will-never-be-sank // @alitzeldiaz // @whydoineedtowriteanamehere // @wolffrising // @ysitsohardtofindaname // @avenrebekah // @aurliel // @mae1919 //  @hellas-himself // @feysand-rowaelin-worshiper /// @queen-of-wings-and-fire // @nightcourtstarlight 

[noblechaton]

ML turned 4 this week and so I kinda got to thinking about how the last few years have been and what the show/fandom means to me and scribbled those thoughts out lmao. it gets a lil personal btw so ~be warned~

Okay so. I didn’t want this to get long winded or anything but. yeah it’s a bit of a monster

Anyway. About 4 years ago I was still relatively fresh out of high school, it’d only been a year or so since I graduated and I was.....pretty lonely

I’ve always been rlly bad at making friends tbh. So when my tiny friend group from high school sorta vanished, along with the people I’d grown close to online disappearing around the same time, it was....rlly hard on me 

I also didn’t rlly have any interests anymore or like nothing all that strong?? So It was like I was just kinda floating for a bit and not to get into specifics but I was definitely real low at this point

Over the course of a few random weeks around.......I wanna say February to March? of that year I’d heard about this fancy new CG cartoon that was coming out and how it actually seemed to do the CG thing well and I’d heard a few bits and pieces thru word of mouth and decided to sit down and watch this funky Ladybug show starting with something called a Stormy Weather

And I instantly fell in love

It captured me like very little else has tbh. I think a lot of why I fell so hard for the show was bc of Ladybug and Chat themselves like. they had so much chemistry and were just so cute and lovable and watching them play and flirt and banter while taking down some pretty inventive villains with hints of some underlying plot was just so. refreshing. I fucking adore the love square with all of my heart and it caught me so hard I didn’t even know what to do with myself for a while bc that’s how deep it went 

So I was hooked from the start just about and watched the episodes that were out as frequently as I could (tho I held off on Origins for months bc I knew they’d hurt my heart and I’m extremely tiny lmao)

In the meantime I’d dipped my toe into the fandom a bit bc the show had wound me up so much that my urge to write, something I hadn’t rlly felt since like sophomore year, had sparked up again and combined with how much I loved the characters I just couldn’t resist and before long I’d bump into two people who I consider two of the best friends I’ve ever had which was.........rlly nice

Anyway flashing forward here. I stayed with the show ~obviously~ and have only ever rlly fallen further in love with the series despite some ups and downs and stuff like that. Only this past year did I rlly try and like. actually get into the fandom tho and honestly?? It’s been. so uplifting

I’m sorta naturally quiet and shy and it’s hard for me to reach out first without making some dumb display (like jumping up and down to a song in an attempt to catch my crush’s attention in freshman year) so the fact that I’ve managed to actually talk to new people at all is pretty impressive I think

And I’m still pretty new at actually making friends so idk if I’ve even actually made any or not but just talking to you guys and making jokes and entertaining y’all has helped me out a lot and while my situation is still pretty rough (for now!) it. kinda keeps me going

As embarrassing as it might sound, I guess what I’m saying is that the show (and the fandom) has.....kinda been my life support for a while now. I’ve had the will to push on and not succumb to some real bad feelings bc of that dumb bug and cat team. I’ve made some of the best friends I’ve ever had thanks to the show, and it’s encouraged me to reach out to new people and try to forge that same relationship with others too which. it’s hard for me, but you guys have rlly make it worth it, even if the show gets real goofy sometimes

My life seems like it’s on the verge of changing in a lot of big ways now and I still struggle with depression just about every single day (among other stuff; it’s a big part of why writing’s been so hard for me lately) and the summer’s been rlly rough especially but getting to interact with some of the kindest, sweetest, funniest and overall loveliest people I’ve ever been fortunate to meet in any capacity and even maybe make friends with them, that’s. that means a lot to me as someone who struggles with that

Anyway I’m gonna try to cut this before the waterworks kick on but I just kinda wanted to recount how I fell in love with the series and what you guys I’ve interacted with in the fandom mean to me. the last few weeks and these most recent episodes I think rlly cemented just how important this show and those in the fandom are to me. so thank you, even if ya don’t think you’ve done anything. and also thank u miss. miraculous ladybug and ur funky clown cat man bf

[duchessofostergotlands]

(part 1) Hi Jessica, i've been following you for a long time and you seem like you'd make such a great friend, i want to ask you something. So the thing is it's been 5 months since i've started college and haven't made any friends. And now that everyone has friends, i'm scared to talk to anyone. Would i seem like a loser if i tried to talk to them?

(part 2) I know it’s such a dumb question but i feel so worthless because of this i had to share it with someone and you’re like the loveliest person i’ve seen here. If you don’t feel like not answering this it’s totally fine. Love you and your blog! (Sorry for my english btw it’s not my first language)

Hello my dear :) That’s very sweet. Being my friend can be difficult. I have a lot of things that go along with me that you have to accept if you want to be my friend and I know it can be difficult. I try to make sure that the balance isn’t always with the attention on me because I know that even if friends don’t have mental illnesses, their problems are still significant and deserve attention. But yeah, it’s not easy and I can never really understand why anyone sticks along!

I had a really similar experience when I was at university. I had one good friend who I’ve known since I was about 5 and another person I was friends with from school but they both had their own social lives and lived in different halls so I didn’t see them all the time and I spent a lot of time by myself. That was the whole first year for me. If it’s any comfort, by the end of university I did have friends. Not tons and not a vibrant social life, but I had friends. It takes some people a bit longer and that’s totally ok. I’m sure you’ve heard all the suggestions about joining clubs and finding people who have similar interests that way but I know that’s easier said than done. What I will say is that when you’re struggling it always looks like people are having an easier time than you when in reality it’s not true. St Andrews- where I studied- was really small. I often felt like everyone knew everyone and I was on the outside. But then once I was walking down the main street and ran in to someone I knew and we stopped to say hello. And I realised that there might be someone walking behind me who is feeling lonely, saw me with a friend and though that I must have a social life that they don’t have. I didn’t. It was a total fluke I ran in to someone I knew, it never happened any other time and we weren’t great friends. But we only see those surface level interactions and then fill in the blanks based on our own worries. You aren’t the only person feeling this way and I can guarantee you that’s true. Someone else will be struggling in the same way you are. It isn’t a reflection on who you are, it’s just it takes some of us a bit longer! But when you spend more time in classes with people and get put in groups to do work, you’ll start to find more people you get on with. And even if you don’t find something you enjoy until your second year, you still have time. Sometimes it can be easier to join a club if it’s based on skill like writing for a newspaper or joining a sports team. Or something that forces you to interact like learning a new language. 

[han-jumins]

RFA Greek Demigod AU Part 1

I’m back after quite a hiatus! jeez, school + writer’s block is horrible. Anyways this is part 1 of this series, i need votes on who the other rfa member’s godly parents should be and i might get some ideas ooooo

Set in Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson Series but not quite a crossover

ZEN:

He was the son of Apollo and the shining sun cabin counselor

Was often mistaken for Aphrodite’s son because of his incredible handsomeness and is swarmed by girls constantly

He is an expert archer, one of the best among his siblings but he specializes in singing and healing

His position and contribution to the camp is being one of the best healers and girls use this as an excuse to meet him, often faking an injury

New campers arrived and and one of them was MC, a daughter of Ares

Despite being a child of a war god, she had a lithe body and a face worth being claimed by Aphrodite

Zen’s heart sped up a bit when he saw her, admiring her looks and her shy demeanor, totally unlike her brute siblings

Everyday he would watch her train from a distance, it was no mistake who her godly parent was now, she possessed the skills yet had an elegant aura to her

“You’re totally gawking at her man” One of Zen’s brothers waved a hand over his slightly pink face

“I’m not, I was only judging her archery. I mean that posture was kind of slack” He spouted an excuse and continued to read, now completely distracted 

“Is your eyesight alright? She had perfect stance!”

“She did not” 

“Yeah she did”

“Did not”

“Well if you’re so superior with your bow and arrow why don’t you teach her right now” 

“Well then I would!” Zen stormed out of where he came from and was slightly stomping towards her

Now realizing the situation he was in, with his brother smirking in the distance, his steps slowed and his breathing became ragged at the sight of her training, her hair being tossed in the wind and her demeanor changing into that of a war goddess

He gulped and stopped just beside her

“Your arm is a little off” He squeaked, the confident aura completely disintegrating

“Oh thank the gods a son of apollo! I was getting frustrated with this thing, can you help me out Zen?” 

“You know me?” He asked

“Well I mean yeah, who doesn’t?” She slightly giggled and Zen’s heart warmed at the sight

Finding his confidence again he started showing her the proper way of holding the bow, telling her about projectile and the wind factors 

Engrossed in his passion for explaining the sport he didn’t realize that he had his hand over her waist and his other around her shoulders guiding her

His face completely burned but he tried to stay calm and speak without stuttering

Once they were over and MC was getting bullseye by bullseye they had to part

And Zen was quick to come back to his cabin to greet his brother with a punch

“You’re horrible” His face burning a fiery red

“I’ve never seen you so embarassed before it was quite entertaining”

“Shut up”

The following weeks they were as close as ever, often training archery and him showing her around the campus whilst telling stories

One time she asked him so sing for her and he was shocked

“I mean, you have to be great at singing right? You probably are” She scratched the back of her neck in embarassement and Zen was completely smitten

He was so inlove

One day, a group of people holding an unconcious girl came up to the infirmary

But he was more alarmed to see that it was MC they were holding and prompted them to lay her down

They said she hit her head in a game of capture the flag and Zen started working immediately

His hands trembling as he sang his sweet tune of healing

Making her drink nectar, he clasped her hand in his, kissing it over and over again and whispering words like “You’re going to be okay” “Please be okay”

When she finally opened her eyes, she found him sleeping with his hand on hers

She stroked his white hair and his head immediately shot up

Overwhelmed with relief he tackled her in a hug 

��How are you feeling? Do you need more nectar?”

“I’m fine thanks to you” She placed her hand on his cheek and he leaned against it, feeling on the moon being with the woman he loves

“Tell me if you want me to stop, I just- I want to do something”

Leaning in to her face he placed a chaste kiss on her lips

She smiled and grabbed the front of his shirt meeting his lips again as her hands toyed with his hair

YOOSUNG:

Yoosung is like the baby in the Demeter’s cabin

Though he is the cabin counselor, his siblings are wary of his mood because of the blessing his mom has given to him

Demeter being the goddess of seasons bestowed upon him a gift of altering it though in a miniscule scale

Depending on what he’s feeling would determine the temperature of the area he was in

When he was feeling happy, his cabin radiated a sunny flowery aura rivaling that of spring 

And when he’s feeling gloomy, the temperature drops and they all suffer what it would feel like to have winter

So his siblings feel the need to always satiate him and keep him happy for the sake of everyone

He is an expert gardener like the rest of Demeter’s children and possesses the natural ability to cook well so he is often seen at the cafeteria giving people food with a smile

“Delicious as always Yoosung!” A girl smiled at him and his face reddened

He really really likes MC

She’s a really bubbly girl who seemed to always brighten Yoosung’s day

His siblings take note of this thus play a little matchmaking to keep him happy which worked all the time

They were best friends and would often train together and cook together

He loves her so but was failing to find the courage to confess to her 

“What on olympus am I going to do?” He sighed and continued watering some plants 

Then an idea hit him whilst looking at the lilies, her favorite flower

He had picked and gathered the loveliest ones he’d grown and was currently coming over to MC to profess his love

okay calm down deep breaths you can do this yoosung

When he got there, his face dropped at the sight

MC was smiling, holding another boquet of flowers that certainly did not come from him 

“Yoosung! Look at this, someone got me these beautiful flowers”

“Really and who’s it from?” He spat bitterly

MC didn’t quite get the tone of his voice as she continued

“I really don’t know, it came with a little card saying that it came from my secret admirer, how sweet!”

“Yeah how sweet” He looked down and the flowers he got and was hiding behind his back wilted, turning dry and darkened

“Look MC, I gotta go”

“Are you okay?” She looked up at him with concerned eyes but that just made his heart ache even more

“Yeah”

“You don’t look fine to me”

“Just mind your own business”

“And when did you ever tell me to mind my own business! Yoosung this isn’t like you what happened” She stood up and they were meeting eye to eye with hard gazes at each other

“Well maybe you never knew me at all! 

“Maybe I haven’t! All I ever done was care for you and now you’re treating me like this?”

Yoosung’s eyes pricked with tears knowing what he said but he didn’t stand down

“You know what forget it”

He left feeling crestfallen as he threw the flowers away near the forest and stomped on it

When he arrived at the cabin, all the members were in a panic, the weather turning awful with constant blizzards and the accumulations of ice

They had to stay out that night but Yoosung sulked, indulging in the cool temperature

“Yoosung what has gotten into you?” They all asked once morning came, he didn’t really get much sleep so he had dark beneath his eyes

“I don’t really want to talk about it so you can all go enjoy your day”

“Not when the cabin freezes in the evening, gods!”

They dragged him out and attempted to have him enjoy his daily activities such as cooking and gardening but all were in vain when they still felt the temperature drop when they were around him

“Can’t you guys see? He’s obviously been dumped by the love of his life” An Aphrodite kid tells them when she too sensed what was going on

Both MC and Yoosung didn’t speak with each other for a week and for a week Demeter’s children either had to wear coats to bed or sleep in other cabins

They finally snapped when they noticed the plants surrounding the cabin beginning to wilt and practically banished Yoosung to stay in the forest to think

MC noticed how everything was wilting and was hurt at the sight

She frantically looked around for Yoosung to apologize and found him 

“Yoosung!” She called out as she crashed into his body, hugging him tight despite the cold around them

It took him a couple of minutes before he raised a hand to stroke her hair

“I’m so sorry Yoosung, I shouldn’t have snapped at you this is all my fault” she sobbed on his chest

“I’m sorry” He took a breath as if he was only beginning to fully take in air as he wrapped is arms around MC and hugged her as tight

“I’m such an idiot I’m so so sorry”

“I don’t like seeing you this way, I care about you truly” She lifted her head up to wipe the tears from his eyes 

“Gods MC I love you so much”

Feeling her tense under him, he was about to take back his words when her lips slammed against his in a passionate kiss

Yoosung returned it with the same fervor, a fire igniting in the pit of his stomach and his former glow returning, the warmth finally being felt

“I love you too Yoosung” She smiled at him

(a/n btw before y’all roast me for his personality, it’s easy for him to get carried away by his emotions because his gift is too great and his body sometimes cant handle it)

My other work in here: MASTERLIST

[ciarawritesmarvel]

follow my lead [11] - replies

There’s been so much love from y’all i’m british i shouldn't be allowed to say y’all over the past 24 hours and in my actual life it’s been a pretty shitty 24 hours so I really appreciate all the wonderful comments and lovely people, I can’t fathom your kindness rn. You’ve rendered me speechless! Eh, not really, here we go...

@thirstresponsibly Ah, I’m afraid I am a teenager but I promise not to be too scary like a few of my peers are. Protective!Bucky is a big fave, but I wanted to do a bit less fighty protective and more of a soft protective. I’m glad you enjoyed it!

@sydariah That’s exactly what I was going for! Bucky’s comforting arms will take all our pain away, my friend :)

@lostinspace33​ Pretty much, yeah, Bucky wouldn’t have treated them as kindly as the police did, I’m pretty sure. 

@whitchester I love comforting Bucky toooo, what a fave! Young teenagers hopefully not me included can be terrifying so I’m glad that came across pretty realistic and everything! I’m so glad you’re enjoying the fic, means the world :)

@lizm-05 THANK YOU!

@inhumanz omg thank you so much I really appreciate it! I don’t actually watch AoS but I’ve always wanted to! If it ever comes to UK Netflix, I’ll be all over it :)

@echointhelibrary Total jackass, at least, yeah. Those teens may not have intervened but their phones sure came in handy calling the cops.

@diinofayce I’m glad you liked that, I was a little worried about not having him storm in and beat ‘em all up like I’m sure most people imagined but I just found it too unrealistic? Idk, I’m just so glad you enjoyed :D

@commissioner23 I’m so glad to hear that, it literally means everything to me at the moment! I am more than happy to write it as I love it and it seems others do too, for some weird reason ;)

@faunacea Big. Mood. Always.

@riddle-me-bliss Me neither, hun, me neither :)

@stephie-senpai Thank you so very much :)

@steverogersbish I KNOW

@stressedoutkylo I KNOW TEENS WHO ARE LIKE THIS TOO, ITS UNFAIR TO EVERYONE AND THE POLICE HAD TO COME SORT THEM OUT, Y’KNOW? I’M PRETTY SURE SHE’S GONNA THANK THE TEENS ONE WAY OR ANOTHER! BUCKY WAS LIKE WALKING PRETTY BRISKLY AND THEN THE CROWD AND THE POLICE MADE HIM BLOODY SPRINT TO FIND HIS GIRL, YOU KNOW IT HONEY!! YOU’RE THE BEST, BTW :)

@humblelivvy Well, consider that my day made, thank you :D

@grey-stardancer I couldn’t be happier to hear that!

@mehfuture I’m so glad you think that, I was a little worried about how different this chapter was to the others. I wanted to try something a little different, with a soft protective Bucky rather than a fight-punch-kick protective Bucky? If that makes sense? I’m just so glad you still enjoy this :)

@avengersbabe13 I’m a total sucker for a damsel in distress too, i get you completely, but I couldn't resist making it a tad more realistic. Bucky would’ve had to be stopped beating that kid up so we had some soft, caring protection instead.

@spidey-linquentimagines Agreed there, there’s only a few bad teens but they make the whole group seem pretty intimidating for me! And I’m one of them, for goodness sake! 

@mixedupsammy He’ll always be there for her, it seems :)

@sammysgirl1997 No, I’m afraid it is you are amazing and also very kind, thank you so much :) @lovely-geek Couldn’t put it any better myself.

@rediscoveringdebbie84 Thank you so much lovely!

@sgtjbuccky Okay so I read through all your comments on the recent chapters when I got home from school today and I nearly cried a little bit I got so excited, I was grinning like a fool and my dad asked me if I was feeling okay. All your reactions were just exactly what I was hoping for and more, you are just the kindest, sweetest, loveliest, most wonderful person and I can never thank you enough for all the support and love! For someone as skilled as you to enjoy lil old me’s writing makes my heart feel so full, it’s crazy to me, I can’t quite comprehend it nor explain it coherently. You just wrote so much and reblogged everything and it’s just mind-blowing that you even enjoy my writing at all let alone this much! And that specific line in chapter 11 resonates particularly with me, too, so I’m glad it did with someone else! Salina, you are an angel and i love you! I really hope you’re feeling better today and that your fever is going away quickly ^-^

[ameerawritesstuff]

Prompt Garashir; 27, 31, 37, 40, 41, 50

Whoo! Sorry these took a bit! But wow, these were some of my absolute favorites to do! Btw, I took a very different interpretation than is probably expected for #40 and I think I’m going to turn it into a longer series on ao3 t some point because I’m really interested in where it could go.

Thank you for these great prompts!

27 “I’m with you, okay? Always”

I’m with you, okay? Always. Garak read that last line over and over again. He would have thought he was just being hopeful, wishing that Julian could ever feel the same way about him as he did. But the way the letter ended had shattered that. Love, Julian

Garak found himself reading the entire letter again:

My dear, Garak

That comma placement alone had gotten Garak’s heart beating rapidly. Surely it was a grammatical error, although out of character for Julian Bashir, it wasn’t unlikely. Furthermore, it could be a simple show of platonic affection. After exchanging letter after letter, even Garak had to realize he was indeed held dear in the doctor’s heart.

My heart ached reading your last letter, as it has for every letter prior.

The details of Cardassia being rebuilt were not easy to swallow, so it was no surprise Julian found them upsetting. Still, this was the first time he admitted it instead of offering suggestions and words of encouragement.

I won’t come to Cardassia if you don’t want me to and since you haven’t asked me to join you, I’ve stayed put, but please let me do something for you.

The idea that Julian would even consider moving to Cardassia hadn’t even crossed Garak’s mind. It had been a fantasy, that Starfleet would send him to Cardassia as a part of a goodwill project or something, but Garak had never thought it could be a reality. And yet here Julian was, saying he would join him if Garak asked.

I don’t know what I can send you, what I can say, what I need to do to help you. And I’m talking about you Garak, not Cardassia.

That had made Garak confused. Why would Garak, one man, get special consideration over an entire suffering population. Sure, Julian actually knew Garak, but familiarity was hardly necessary when it came to that young man’s bleeding heart.

Just ask me for anything and it’s yours. You’re working so hard to take care of all of Cardassia, you’ve neglected to take care of yourself. Let me take care of you then, please, I’m begging you.

Did Julian know that was essentially a proposal in Cardassian culture?

Being there for you never has been and never could be an imposition or a burden, since my heart’s always with you no matter what.

I’m with you, okay? Always.

Love,

Julian

The young man had somehow rendered Garak, who was never at a loss for words, speechless. How could he respond to this letter? Admit that he ached for Julian every day? Or simply ask that he join him as a friend? He could decline but thank Julian for his offer of assistance, that would be the wisest way for Garak to keep himself from getting hurt.

Still, the entire world that Garak loved had fallen apart. He had essentially no one to truly depend on and he had grown so tired and so hopeless. Would it be so wrong for him to want something nice for himself? To dream again? To desire?

My dearest, Julian

I await your arrival with baited breath.

Love,

Garak

31 “You’re alive?!”

“You’re alive?!” Garak couldn’t believe the doctor had just walked into his shop to see why he wasn’t at lunch. Why would Garak go to lunch with a ghost?

“No one told you…” Julian breathed in shock before chuckling. “I suppose that explains why you didn’t meet me at the infirmary.” He shot Garak an apologetic smile. “Sorry about the scare.”

“I watched footage of you being killed by the Harvesters,” Garak began, trying to regain his footing. “I’m not angry to see that it was obviously a forgery, however shocked I may be.”

“‘Not angry’ isn’t the same as being happy.” Julian smirked. “Come on, Garak, you can’t tell me you were upset over one Starfleet member.”

“Two Starfleet members.” Garak corrected. “I believed the Chief had also been killed.”

“Ah, yes, and you two are close, I’m sure.” Julian scoffed. “How many other people still think I’m dead?” Garak shrugged, as he truly didn’t know. “Well, how did you find out? We weren’t gone so long that news would really have been spread outside of personnel and family. Did Professor O’Brien tell people or something?” Garak said nothing. “Well? Am I going to terrify everyone I see if I walk into Quark’s?”

“I doubt that, my dear.” Garak said with a wave of his hand.

“Garak…” Julian had a mischievous smile on his face. “You weren’t supposed to have watched the footage, were you?” Garak was silent again. “You watched a classified transmission, risking your status on this station…” His grin only grew wider. “Were you really that worried about me when my return was delayed?”

“Well,” Garak said with a click of his tongue. “It’s not as if I haven’t openly shown my fondness for you.”

“Oh, don’t act ashamed, Garak.” Julian laughed as he walked up to Garak. “You’re not the first person to develop a crush on me and you won’t be the last.”

“I said nothing about romantic feelings!” Garak protested a little too quickly. Julian looked back with wide-eyed hurt.

“So…” He bit his lip and looked away. “You don’t feel that way about me?” It was maybe only a few seconds of silence, but it felt like an eternity for Garak before Julian burst into laughter. “Alright, but seriously, Garak, are we going to get lunch or not?” Garak was relieved that he didn’t have to answer the other question. While he was used to lying, he hardly wanted to deny his feelings for the beautiful young doctor that he was now walking to the replimat with.

.

37 “Because I love you god damn it!”

“Because I love you, god damn it!” Julian was absolutely seething at Garak so he didn’t even stop to register what he’d just confessed. “Do you know how much it hurts to watch you sacrifice yourself so much for someone who never deserved your loyalty?” If Garak were not behind a force field, he would have embraced Julian in an instant. “You think I sympathize with the Founders? Of course not! But you would have tried to kill anyone if you thought they had a hand in killing Tain!” Julian shook his head in rage. “That man was not just a monster in general, he was a monster to you!”

“Doctor…” Garak breathed. There was so much being said, words Garak thought he’d never hear. He never thought someone would be critical of his father’s treatment of him and he certainly never thought Julian Bashir could love him.

“I suppose I just don’t understand.” Julian sighed. “I don’t know who Tain really was to you, but I know who he was to me. I met him once and he mocked and belittled the man I love.” There it was again, Julian saying he loved Garak. “I wanted to wring his thick scaly neck and wipe that arrogant smile off his face.”

“All on my behalf?” Garak couldn’t fathom Julian’s affection for him.

“And I suppose my own jealous motivations.” Julian crossed his arms in a huff. “I don’t know what the nature of your relationship was…” Julian blushed slightly and looked away.

“Doctor, you speak as if you and I are romantically involved.” Julian’s eyes snapped to focus.

“Aren’t we?” Julian asked in surprise. “I mean, I researched Cardassian courtship and, well, I’ve tried to follow all of the customs.” This was not something Garak had expected. “The shoulder touch you first gave me was a proposition and I accepted.”

“You’re telling me that all this time you’ve believed that we were a couple?” Had Garak missed the potential of a million kisses somehow? There was heartbreak and confusion in Julian’s eyes so Garak quickly spoke again. “I’m hardly opposed to the idea, but nothing was ever made official. Not to mention our physical intimacy has been….” Non-existent was the word, but that didn’t feel right. It wasn’t that Garak was just pointing out that they hadn’t been intimate, it was that he wished they had been. “Lacking…”

“‘Innuendo and subtlety are what make a true romance,’” Julian quoted, “‘To be blunt and direct would be to lose any chance.’” Illoja of Prim’s poem To Lovers, With Love which was essentially an instructional piece on Cardassian courtship told in the loveliest of verse. “I wasn’t about to spell out the nature of our relationship and have you disgusted by being so brazen.” It was true, on Cardassia, for anyone to openly claim they were romantically involved without announcing a marriage would be scandalous. “And I wasn’t about to lay a finger on you until you made the first move.”

“Why did you have to be so chivalrous?” Garak sighed and brought his hand to his forehead. “If you had just kissed me, or made some other recognizable move…” Garak shook his head. “Do you realize how long I’ve lusted after you?”

“Well, you’ll have to lust just a bit longer.” Julian huffed. “You got yourself thrown in jail, remember?”

“Believe me, if this barrier were not here, this conversation would be going very differently.” Garak sighed again as he looked at Julian with new wonder. “I would have embraced you and told you how long I have loved you.”

“I’m still mad at you.” Julian looked away with a smirk. “I’m a bit madder since apparently I’ve been single all these years without knowing.”

“At least you got to have the illusion of romance!” Garak protested. “I’ve been pining over you and certain you could never feel the same way.”

“Well, you were wrong about that.” Julian clicked his tongue and looked back at Garak with a strong glare. “And you were wrong to have tried to kill all the Founders.”

“I’ll admit that it was rash.” Garak conceded. “And I’ll endeavor to be worthy of you.” He gave a small bow and was surprised to hear the force field brought down. “There’s no way you have the authority to release me.”

“I’m not releasing you.” Julian grinned. He then firmly embraced Garak and kissed him. It was strong and passionate but not forceful. Garak allowed himself to be led and for his eyes to close only for Julian to pull away. Garak looked at him through hazy blinking. “I’m just making sure you realize what you’re missing out on while you’re in here.” With that, Julian exited the cell and then pressed the keypad so the force field went back up.

“You are cruel.” Garak breathed with a smirk.

“But I bet you’ll never do anything like this again, hmm?” Julian’s smile faded and he bit his lip. “You’ll be back in a month. I’ll still be here for you.”

“I’ll count the moments.”

40 “I could hold you forever”

“I could hold you forever.” Garak said as he tapped his fingers against his desk. “Truly, I have all the time in the world and no one cares what happens to you.” Julian wanted to believe someone would come for him. That Starfleet, The Klingons, The Tal’Shiar, anyone would save him, but who would go against the Obsidian Order for an augment? For a freak?

“Then you would spend forever learning nothing.” Julian said with a weary chuckle. “I’ve told your men everything I know so any further torture would just be for your own sadistic pleasure at this point.” When he’d been discovered at Starfleet Medical, Julian decided his best course of action was to run away to somewhere that wouldn’t question his identity out of desperation. He’d gotten surgically altered to appear Bajoran and created an identity and earring for himself. He told himself that he would neither join the resistance or the collaborators. He would just keep his head down and treat anyone who needed medical attention. Eventually, when Bajor got less desperate, he’d be able to live more like himself and no one would be suspicious since he’d be a familiar face.

Julian now realized how naive he’d been. The slaughter of Bajorans didn’t simply happen behind the scenes or away from prying eyes, it happened right on the streets for everyone to see. Every action was politicized. Treating a Bajoran meant you weren’t using supplies on a Cardassian and vice versa. Julian found himself picking a side quicker than expected, the Bajoran side. It seemed natural to everyone. A Bajoran smuggling resources for other Bajorans, but Julian wasn’t really a Bajoran. Unfortunately, this man from the Obsidian Order had found that out.

“You think I enjoy this?” Garak sighed. “Truly, my dear, I have no desire to see you suffer. I told my men to bring you to me unharmed.” Julian scoffed. “How do you think I discovered you weren’t Bajoran?”

“A medical scan of some sort?” Julian guessed. “Hidden in a device so I wouldn’t notice?”

“You remember when we first met?” Garak asked. Julian nodded. “I didn’t like the idea of being treated by a Bajoran doctor, but the prefect of Bajor seems to think it’s polite to have a few around.” Garak had an amused smirk. “But I must say, you healed my wounds more efficiently than any Cardassian I’ve ever been to.”

“So you decided I couldn’t be Bajoran?” Julian scoffed. “That wouldn’t fit your idea of them being inferior?”

“Oh, please, I’m not so close-minded.” Garak waved his hand. “In truth, I was essentially told the truth, by the orb.” Julian blinked. “Even though you’re not actually Bajoran, I’m sure you know about orb experiences.” Julian nodded. “Yes, well, while the silly fairy tales of Bajor are mostly a waste of time, the orbs seem to create a lucid type of dreaming. It can allow you to discover what your subconscious has already learned.” Julian said nothing. “Have I lost you?”

“No,” Julian shook his head. “You’re saying you realized I was human because of the orb?”

“It also showed me some other things about you.” Garak got up and moved toward Julian.

“It showed you that I was smuggling medical supplies.” Julian clicked his tongue. Of course there would be some bizarre and seemingly fantastical device that would expose Julian.

“That, and the fact that I need to keep your from getting yourself killed.” Garak moved to touch Julian’s shoulder, but stopped his hand when Julian flinched. “You’re a very precious creature, Julian Bashir.” Julian looked up in horror at the use of his real name. “Don’t worry, not even Central Command knows who you really are. I imagine they’d love to use you as a bargaining chip in negotiations with the Federation.”

“But you intend to use me in some other way?” Julian supplied. “Let me guess, you want an augmented agent who, not being Cardassian, can gain the trust of Bajorans.”

“That is a charming idea.” Garak smiled. “But truly, I have no intention of forcing you into anything.”

“So I can cooperate or rot in a cell?” Julian rolled his eyes. “That’s still manipulation of power and extortion, even if you try and fool me into it being something else.” Garak glanced down and pursed his lips.

“I don’t really know how to go about this…” He sighed. “I have reason to believe you and I are intended for one another.”

“I’m sorry?” Julian asked, not really knowing what that meant.

“The orb,” Garak explained, “it showed you and I together… intimately.” Julian’s eyes grew wide.

“So your subconscious had some sick fantasy about me?” Julian was horrified. If only the light beam wasn’t keeping him trapped to the chair, he would run. “If you’re going to rape me, at least be honest about it. Don’t pretend some illusion of romance is involved.” He spat. What else did Julian have but insults? He could refuse to cooperate with anything, but he couldn’t stop Garak from doing whatever he pleased.

“My dear doctor,” Garak looked almost remorseful. “If I thought this was some fleeting desire or lust, I would ignore it easily.” He shook his head. “You think I want to lie with a non-Cardassian? An enemy of the state?”

“You wouldn’t be the first.” Julian squirmed under the restraining light. “I had to heal countless Bajorans that were given special treatment.”

“And I, like you, find that distasteful.” Garak took a step back and leaned against his desk now. “What do you know about Cardassian culture?”

“You don’t want to hear my thoughts on Central Command.” Julian scoffed. “I assure you, I’m not a fan.”

“Your disapproval of my government is not my concern.” Garak dismissed. “I’m talking about the culture, outside of politics.” Julian thought for a moment.

“You value family.” Garak nodded. “And you were once a spiritual and peaceful people.”

“Yes, and with that sentimentality came weakness and poverty.” Garak said cooly. “Unfortunately, there are still elements of our old beliefs that resonate even in myself.” Julian watched Garak carefully. He seemed sincere and relatively respectful of Julian’s desire to not be touched, but that could easily be an act to convince Julian to submit. “There’s a belief that people are intertwined and destined to fall in love.”

“And you believe that’s what’s going to happen to us?” Julian said in disbelief.

“I believe that is what’s going to happen to me.” Garak said with a click of his tongue. “But I’m not pleased by it.” He sighed. “The vision ended with you stabbing me in the heart.”

“I’m beginning to like this fantasy.” Julian smiled. Garak returned his smile with his own sad one. Without another word, Garak pressed a button on his desk and Julian was released from the light beam. He immediately stood up and tried to back away, but his wounds from earlier hit him with a stabbing pain and he fell to the ground.

“Stay still.” Garak tsked as he moved over to Julian. “I’m going to fix you up.”

“You wouldn’t want me bleeding all over you as you molest me?” Julian coughed out. Garak said nothing as he ran a dermal regenerator over most of Julian’s injuries.

“Better?” Garak said with a warm smile. Julian glared at him.

“I see you only know how to hurt people, not heal them.” He bit back. “A dermal regenerator hardly solves everything.”

“What else is wrong?” Garak asked with concern.

“I think…” Julian looked at his leg and bit his lip. “I think my ankle is fractured.”

“How do I fix that?” Julian eyed Garak suspiciously. If this Cardassian was only healing him in order to rape him, it would be in Julian’s best interest to not tell Garak what to do. Then again, there was almost no way Julian would be able to escape with a fractured ankle.

“Twist it back into place to start.” Julian bit his lip as he prepared himself for the pain and Garak frowned and stood up. “Where are you going?”

“I’m not about to subject you to more pain.” Garak explained as he began rifling through his desk. “My med kit should have a localized anesthetic.” Garak pulled out the medical kit and returned to Julian’s side. He opened it up and took out a hypospray. “Where should I inject this?”

“Just a little bit above the ankle.” Julian winced when Garak touched the pained spot but when the burst from the hypo was released, Julian sighed at the numbing sensation.

“Well, that smile’s a good sign.” Garak grinned. Julian gulped uncomfortably at the display of affection. Garak seemed to be a bit embarrassed himself and looked back at Julian’s ankle. “I’m going to reset it now, alright?” Julian nodded. Garak hesitated before taking Julian’s ankle. He twisted it back into place but he immediately glanced with worry at Julian. “Did that hurt you?” Julian shook his head. “Now what?”

“There should be a Marrow Threader in your med kit.” Garak searched inside the case for a moment before pulling it out. “Run that over it three or four times.” Garak did as he was was told and then looked at Julian again curiously.

“Did it work?” Garak asked. He was acting so innocent and child-like. Julian nearly forgot he should be frightened.

“I can’t really tell since it’s still numb.” Julian reached out his hand. “Here, help me up. If I can stand on my own, it worked.” Garak pulled Julian to his feet and then steadied him with care. Julian smiled as he felt stable again.

“That’s a relief.” Garak sighed.

“Thanks.” Julian smiled happily at Garak before remembering who he was talking to. “What…” Julian licked his lips. It had been foolish to try to run away in the first place, he wouldn’t get far with or without a fractured ankle. “What are you going to do with me?”

“I’m going to keep you safe, my dear.” Garak put a gentle hand on Julian’s cheek. Julian froze but then allowed himself to relax. It wouldn’t do to show fear. “I have no doubt that you will one day kill me, but I can’t seem to find it within myself to kill you first.” Julian searched Garak’s blue eyes for any sign of a lie.

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” He said in surprise. “You actually think I’m your soulmate or something?” Garak nodded. “All because of what the orb showed you?”

“And because when I first met you, I already wanted you.” Garak admitted. “I ignored it at first. Even after the orb experience I tried to rid my mind of you…” Garak dropped his hand and looked away. “But I suppose I never really had a choice in the end.” Julian looked Garak over. The man had never actually hurt him and he had to admit he’d shown Julian only kindness. There was a part of Julian that found Garak attractive as well, a feeling that had first awakened when Garak had come into his infirmary. The Cardassian was a fascinating mystery and here he was seeming so vulnerable in front of Julian.

“Neither did I.” Julian breathed as he placed a delicate hand on Garak’s shoulder. He knew what that motion meant, he’d lived among Cardassians long enough to pick up a few things. Garak looked at him in surprise. “If I kiss you…” Julian said, licking his lips, “you won’t hurt me?”

“I swear on my life.” Garak said as he let his eyes fall closed. Julian brought his lips to Garak’s and lay a long and passionate kiss there. He would tell himself later that it was a ploy, that this was simply to fulfill the end of that fantasy where he at last would stab Garak. However, in this moment he simply enjoyed the kiss.

41 “Everytime I see you, I fall in love with you all over again”

“Everytime I see you, I fall in love with you all over again.” Garak smiled when Julian’s face appeared on the screen.

“I know distance makes the heart grow fonder, but honestly, Elim,” Julian shook his head with a smile. “Do you have to be so romantic when you’re too far away to hold?”

“It’s merely the first thing that came to mind.” Garak sighed. “Being so far away from you is frustrating.”

“Believe me,” Julian leaned back in his chair and exhaled. “I am also frustrated.”

“Now that was just cruel.” Garak said. “You realize that I’m now picturing you taking matters into your own hands.”

“When are you coming home?” Julian said sadly. “The news from Loval hasn’t been good.”

“Unfortunately it’s accurate though.” Garak sighed. “It’s hard enough to unite our peoples on Cardassia Prime, let alone planets outside of the Cardassian system.” He shook his head. “Many people here still view Dukat as a hero due to his business with K’Temang.”

“Have the riots stopped at least?” Garak said nothing. “I see…” Julian bit his lip. “I should have gone with you.”

“Do not berate yourself, dear.” Garak said, wagging a finger. “The hospital is in desperate need of your expertise. While the situation here is politically dire, there are significantly less wounded.”

“Not to mention it wouldn’t do for a human to accompany you.” Julian mumbled.

“I wish it were different.” Garak said.

“No, I understand.” Julian sighed. “You’re attempting to unify these people and interspecies mingling is a highly divisive issue.” He rubbed some weariness from his eyes. “I miss you, but mostly I worry about you.”

“I’m very safe, Julian.” Garak smiled. “Truly, I’m out of harm’s way. No one’s going to hurt me.”

“You’re your own worst enemy.” Julian responded. “I don’t want you blaming yourself for all the troubles you see and thinking you’ve somehow failed Cardassia.” Garak couldn’t argue with that as Julian had had to reassure him often that things would improve. “You’re going to do more for Loval than anyone else would have been able to and then you’re going to come back to me, understand?”

“Yes, doctor.” Garak smirked. “I’ll return to you as soon as I am able.”

“Good.” Julian nodded firmly before smiling. “Now, I’m free for the rest of the evening and would like to just talk to you about Jake Sisko’s new book.”

“Ah, yes,” Garak said, shaking his head. Long-distance meant flirting was really all they had as far as romance. A good debate was essentially their love-making while they were apart. “He’s a talented young writer, it’s a shame about his Federation bias making the Maquis rebel seem sympathetic.”

“You found Jacobi sympathetic!?”

50 “Please… I need you”

“Please… I need you.” Julian whimpered. He felt so pathetic and childish. It had only been a nightmare, it wasn’t a good enough reason to wake Garak up in the middle of the night. Still, Julian had already used the comm and asked him to come to his quarters, it was too late to save face.

“I’m on my way.” Garak said that with more alertness than his initial response to being hailed at whatever hour this was. He sounded worried and serious. Julian had no idea what he was going to tell Garak when he was asked what was so urgent. I’m sorry to have disturbed you, Garak but, you see, I dreamt I was in solitary again except this time I was lying on a biobed in the room and my parents were there. Julian shuddered at the memory. That hadn’t been the particularly unsettling part of the dream, what had shaken Julian was when a Changeling appeared and took his form. That was when his parents happily embraced the Changeling as their son. The Changeling smiled at Julian as he looked on in horror and whispered, “goodbye, Jules.” And suddenly Julian was awake in a cold sweat.

“Enter.” Julian mumbled when he heard his door chime. How could he tell Garak that nothing had really happened? It was all just ghosts. Ghosts that were probably nothing compared to the kinds that haunted Garak. Julian almost considered making up a different reason for needing him. He thought about claiming he thought he saw the Changeling still in his quarters. Of course, if that were true, Garak knew that Julian would have contacted security first. Julian had gotten so lost in his thoughts, he jumped when he felt Garak’s hand gently touch his back.

“I’m sorry, my dear.” Garak said soothingly.

“No, no, it’s alright.” Julian shook his head. “I was just startled, is all.” He looked at Garak and chuckled a bit. “I really shouldn’t have bothered you so late.”

“Not at all,” Garak smiled, “what happened?” The question Julian had been dreading.

“It’s honestly silly.” Julian shrugged with an apologetic smile. “I was still half asleep when I called you, I’m really fine now.”

“Silly?” Garak asked skeptically. “Well, I could use a little humor.” That was an invitation to share as much as it was a challenge. Garak knew there was something really bothering Julian.

“I had a nightmare.” Julian whispered. He felt like he was too small for his own pajamas with how foolish he sounded.

“I see…” Garak nodded and was quiet for a moment. He seemed to be thinking about it as if Julian had stated some complicated philosophy. “Do you want to talk about it?” Julian did not want to talk about it so he shook his head. “Do you want to go back to sleep?” Julian didn’t know how to respond to that question. He welcomed rest, but he was afraid of what lay behind his eyelids. “Personally, I’m wide awake now and wouldn’t mind some company if I’m going to be up.”

“I really am sorry about waking you.” Julian looked away.

“Don’t be.” Garak said, shaking his head. “You said that you needed me. Being needed is the most important part of life and I haven’t been needed in a long time.” Garak had a sad, distant smile on his face.

“I do need you, Garak.” It was said instinctively, but Julian knew he meant it. “I mean, I called you for a reason.”

“That is actually something I’m curious about.” Garak said, raising an eye ridge. “I assumed you’d require some sort of…” He glanced around the room as he always did before he told a lie that was meant to be seen as one, “tailoring work. However, while I don’t mind being emotional support, I’m not exactly the obvious choice.”

“I didn’t really think about it.” Julian admitted. “You were just the person I wanted to see most.” Julian hadn’t meant to phrase it quite like that, but it was the truth. He wanted comfort and there were few things as comforting to him as Garak. The rest of the station would probably be revolted at the fact that Julian felt safe with the obvious Carddassian spy, but Julian knew it was true.

“I’m flattered.” Garak bowed his head slightly. “Anything I can do to help you, I will do.”

“You being here is plenty.” Julian sighed. He felt so tired and drowsy but every time he let his eyelids grow heavy, he snapped his eyes open out of fear.

“Lie down, my dear.” Garak directed. Julian didn’t resist and let himself be slowly lowered back again. “You do need your rest. I’ll keep watch and be here in case you begin to have nightmares again.”

“Thank you…” Julian breathed. It was both a small and huge favor at the same time. Julian allowed his eyes to close and tried to breathe deeply. There was a warmth that came with Garak being near him, even if the Cardassian was technically cold. Julian found himself lie in that warmth and finally submit to the exhaustion that came over him.