#did we know this actually had to do with matt because i missed that completely

[brionbroadway]

the mattrix is just my tiktok fyp before i blocked him

[quinnylouhughesx43]

“I think I’m in love”

Summary: Trevor is having a hard time being away from you while he is with Team USA for the Men’s World Championship. Seeing his teammates and crossing paths with other teams with their significant others only intensifies all his feelings.

Warnings: use of pet names (babe, baby), angst, worry/anxiety, overthinking, fluff, I think that’s it

Word Count: 1.34K

It had only been 72 hours since Trevor had left the United States and he was truly miserable. He felt as if every where he looked when he was off the ice there was a couple. It was nearly impossible to not run into someone he knew from the league, just to be introduced to their significant other. “Seriously since when did everyone had their significant other with them.” Trevor asked Matt Boldy as he laced up skate. “Trevor, I think you’re over reacting. It just seems that way to you because your girl isn’t here.” Matt stands to walk off to the ice. Trevor shakes off his thoughts, or tries to shake off his thoughts.

Trevor wasn’t playing well, his focus was off. His heart really wasn’t in it at all. Cole and Luke had taken notice of how he was struggling and were off talking on the side in between drills.

“Do you think this has something to do with his girlfriend?” Luke asked Cole watching Trevor completely miss Brady for the passing drill. “I’m sure it does. I noticed him watching different couples when we were eating last night. I had to remind him it’s rude to stare. I also noticed Z hasn’t smiled like normal since we got here.” Luke couldn’t answer Cole as Trevor skated up and it was their turn to skate. Trevor’s head was lost in his thoughts when Coach dismissed practice. “Let’s go Z! We’re done” Luke yelled out.

After changing and heading back to the hotel the three boys were piled up in Trevor’s room. “Alright man talk. What’s going on with you? You look like you lost your long time pet or something.” Cole said flopping on his back next to Trevor. “I just miss her a lot. She couldn’t or wouldn’t come for some reason. And I’m worried we will grow apart. And, and” Trevor started to stutter over his words. Feeling a knot in this throat forming. Tears forming in his eyes. The pain in his chest that he wrote off as acid reflux earlier started hurting a bit more when his heart raced harder. “And what?” Luke pushed.

“God. I think I’m in love with her and I didn’t tell her. She doesn’t know.”

“What do you mean she doesn’t know?” Cole and Luke ask at the same time. The two boys share a look with each other then look back at Trevor. Trevor shrugs as if it should be the most obvious answer. “We haven’t told each other yet. She’s different you guys. I want to take care of her and provide for her. I look at her and I think about a future. A future where I don’t live in an apartment with in walking distance from the arena I practice and play in. It’s a future where I live in a house big enough for however many children she wants. With a yard so those kids can play outside instead of always being stuck inside. I don’t think about when I can get her naked in my bed. Actually she’s never been naked in my bed. I’ve never seen her naked. But for fuck sake I am in love with her.”

Trevor ran his hands through his hair and exhaled.

“I have never been this serious about anyone. I will go to hell and back for her. I think I am already in hell being this far away from her but that’s besides the point.” The last part earned a laugh out Cole and Luke. The two boys completely baffled by Trevor’s admission about his feelings for his girlfriend. He has always been an open book about most things but never about his feelings.

“Trev, I think it’s time to be honest with her. You need to let her know how important she is to you before she feels neglected.” Cole says giving Trevor a firm grip on his shoulder. “It’s late, we’re going to head out and get rest for tomorrow. Think about telling her and how you want to tell her before you just call her and yap it out there. If she’s endgame, plan it out.” Cole gives Trevor a quick hug before heading out of the room. Trevor feels better letting it all out but he can’t help but mope in loneliness, wondering what you’re doing back home.

While listening to Trevor, Cole was working magic. He had already purchased you a ticket through the US Hockey foundation for a flight. Explaining how down Trevor has been in just the last 72 hours and that he believed you could potentially be the cure all. You were shocked. Confused at best. You kept asking Cole if Trevor had put him up to it. Cole kept assuring you that Trevor has no idea that you have a flight out in the next couple of hours. He asked you, more like begged you, to not say anything to him either. By the time Cole got you your ticket and you had woken up you had 5 hours to pack and get to the airport to be on time for security.

As you were getting ready to turn your phone off Trevor’s face illuminates the screen. He was calling. You quickly decline and shut the phone off. ‘Better safe than sorry’ you tell yourself as your boarding the plane.

When you didn’t answer and then the next calls for the next 14-15 hours. Trevor’s mind was reeling the worry he felt set in deep making him sick, he needed a trash can multiple times. He couldn’t focus anything a while the team was at practice. Trevor ended up leaving practice early from being so sick and his inability to focus on anything. He isn’t one to really leave early, usually he would ride the bench until the end of practice but he couldn’t make himself do it. His anxiety over your safety was much too high. The panic was really starting to set in now that he was alone. Trevor had started thinking of all the possibilities of what could have happened.

1) You had starting ghosting him, he was gone and you realized you didn’t want him.

2) You were in the hospital for some reason or another.

3) Your ex-boyfriend came back around.

He was beside himself with all the thoughts running through his mind. Trevor laid curled up in a ball. Physically sick, a few tears shed, worrying over your well-being when there was a knock on his door.

“Guys I’m really not in a place for—“

“Baby?” Trevor’s voice cracked just as it did when he was going through puberty.

His knees buckled and he all but collapsed down on to his knees wrapping his arms tightly around your waist. “Babygirl. I love you so fucking much. I don’t know how you’re here but I’m glad that you are. I was… I was so worried something happened to you or you were leaving me when you didn’t answer your phone. I just. Fuck. I love you. I’m sorry I never said it before now.” Trevor still on his knees down in front of you, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist.

“T. You..you love me?” You choked out wearing a huge smile on your face. He looks up at you from where he is at on the floor. “Yes baby. Today, tomorrow. Next week, the rest of your life if you’ll let me.” His eyes shining from new tears threatening the fall as your tears weren’t stopping. “T stand up so I can kiss you silly boy.” He quickly followed what you said. Grabbing his cheeks softly and pulling his face to your’s until his lips are just close enough to touch when you speak. “Trevor Zegras, I love you more than you understand.” He groaned in response pulling you into his room. Before the outside world could be forgotten Cole had to run and yell “you’re welcome Zegras” from the room door until he was acknowledged. All Trevor wants to do is lay in bed holding his precious girl, and tell her how incredibly grateful he is that she is there in Ostrava. He can’t wait to have his chance to show her off to everyone tomorrow.

authors note: hi I’ve been sitting on this for a while. I didn’t have a chance to finish the ending for a while and I didn’t go back and read over the actual story part so if it’s bad I’m sorry don’t hate me don’t judge me it’s been like a month

[goldenlikedayl1ght]

peace - m. murdock

a/n: hi guys! missed you. desperately wanted to write more hoh!reader, so i did it. this can be read on it's own, OR it can be read as a part two to my fic, 'the lakes', which you can read here! feedback always appreciated! <3 warnings: so much damn fluff, suggestive behaviors, like literally tooth rotting fluff! mentions of some abelism but nothing actually happens it's just sort of mentioned. matt hates buffalo chicken pizza, the cold hurts readers ears, also a lot of kissin' and tinnitus because of course there is. word count: 3.0k summary: tinnitus, buffalo chicken pizza, and objections. what more can you ask for from matt murdock? paring: matt murdock x hoh!reader now playing: peace - taylor swift "the devils in the details/but you got a friend in me/would be enough if i could never give you peace?"

There are things that no one teaches you about dating.  

There are things that no one teaches you about dating Matt Murdock, a blind man.

There are things that no one teaches you about dating Matt Murdock, a blind man, who has super senses and is also a vigilante.

There are things that no one teaches you about dating Matt Murdock, a blind man, who has super senses and is also a vigilante… while also being deaf.

As you lost your hearing, you knew dating would be difficult. That was never a secret. Your first girlfriend after you started wearing hearing aids once hid them from you as a punishment after an argument. Safe to say that relationship didn’t last long.

One time, you went on a date with a guy who asked in the middle of your dinner, ‘Could you please take off your headphones? It’s cool that they’re Bluetooth but it’s really rude.’ You did not make it to dessert.

Then there was the time that your ex-boyfriend thought you were talking about him in ASL to your mom in front of him. You broke up with him soon after.

And Matt has experienced his fair share of ableism in dating too—Women who thought they could get away with stealing from him because he was blind, or that thought that he just had to have a service dog, and he’d be so cute with one.

So, when you started dating each other, things were obviously different. You weren’t sure how, but the idea of dating another person with a disability never occurred to you. Maybe it was because of how often you found people playing oppression Olympics, a classic game of ‘who has it worse?’ a game you had no interest in playing.

And the struggles you and Matt have in your relationship are never ones represented in rom-coms or in romantic novels. Dating any blind man would have been hardly represented but Matt, with his charm and heightened senses, was completely uncharted waters. And yet, you dive in headfirst.

One of the most romantic things Matt does for you within the first six months of your relationship happens on a cold February day. Winter in New York isn’t over until at least March, so you walk home from work, arm in arm. You decide to stop in for Thai food but decide to stand outside in favor of in the crowded restaurant where Matt would be hearing too many things and you wouldn’t be hearing nearly enough.

But he notices, as he often does, how you squirm in discomfort, waiting for time to pass. Though you do not show it in your face, he hears it in the way you breath deeply to try and relax through whatever it is that’s bothering you. He notices the grip on his arm tightening, even just a bit.

“What’s wrong, bee?” You’re never getting over your fondness for the nickname. But you stay quiet for a second, because you know he can tell if you’re lying.

“My ears hurt.” You hate saying it, because you feel like it’s all you do—yap about your ears and how much they hurt. They hurt from talking on the phone and holding it up to your ear for so long. They hurt from being in loud environments like parties and bars. But dear god, do they hurt right now. And you know exactly why.

“Oh, is it too loud? We could move to a different spot,” he says softly but you shake your head.

“Uh.. No. It’s cold. The cold is bothering my ears.” You explain, and he just nods. But before he can respond, you continue, “They’re in pain when it’s cold and earmuffs don’t do anything except block out sound and I can’t hear anyways, negating the point of my hearing aids.” You’ve tried earmuffs time and time again. And usually, you’d just wear a beanie or something, but you forgot yours.

So, Matt thinks for a moment, before tucking his cane under his arm, before lifting his hands to come up to your face. The heel of his hand comes up to rest against your cheeks while the length of his fingers gently cup around your ears. He’s not pressing down, making it harder to hear, but your ears are immediately warmer. Matt’s hands—and well, everything, are naturally very warm and the leather gloves he has on makes it even more so.

Your face flushes, as you lean into his touch. What a man you have found yourself. You stay like this for a little while, until your food is ready. Your face turns and you plant a gentle kiss to the palm of his hand.

As you leave the restaurant after grabbing your food, you want to say one more thing. Just quickly.

“Thanks for helping, by the way.. I’m sorry I constantly complain about my ears.” You tell him, and he just gets this goofy grin on his face.

“At least you’re not blind. That would suck.” He links his arm with yours. You just laugh, leaning against him.

“Shut up,” and at this request, he scoffs.

“You love listening to me talk, it’s one of your favorite things ever!” he defends.

You just grin because your boyfriend can tell when you’re lying. And you know anything other than telling him that what he said was true would be the biggest lie you ever told.

...

It’s not all sunshine and rainbows with Matt, though.

Okay, maybe that’s sort of dramatic. Neither of you are particularly violent nor angry, but one time you get really heated.

Your time working with Nelson, Murdock & Page is wonderful, and because it’s just the four of you, often, you wind up getting lunch together. Someone runs out, grabs food, and you all sit in the conference room, talk and eat.

But today, you barely made it to lunch.

“Where do you guys wanna eat today?” Foggy asks, leaning against your doorway. He knows Matt can hear him from wherever, but you need him to be in the room to be able to decode what he’s saying. Karen leans against the desk in the main part of the office.

“Pizza?” You shrug, and Matt calls from his office,

“Sounds good!”

“Great. What do you guys want?” He asks.

“I’m really in the mood for buffalo chicken pizza, I dunno why.” You shrug. Matt’s footsteps echo through the office, before he’s in your doorway as well.

“What the fuck did you just say?”

You gaze at him, perplexed.

“Uh… I want buffalo chicken pizza?”

“Honey, You cannot be serious.”

“What is your problem, Matthew?” You laugh, but he looks disgusted.

“You are a New York native! How can you enjoy something as blasphemous as wanting buffalo chicken pizza?” He asks, and Foggy just laughs.

“Dude, no way. You can’t be discriminatory towards pizza.” Then, Karen speaks up.

“No, you can’t. Not technically. But I most definitely am. Buffalo chicken pizza ruins the point of pizza!”

Then, you go to defend yourself.

“The point of Pizza is to enjoy it! And I enjoy buffalo chicken pizza!”

“Well, you’re enjoying pizza wrong!”

“You can’t enjoy pizza incorrectly!”

At this point, Foggy is just giggling, “I can’t breathe,” He wheezes.

Now, you stand and leave your desk, going into the main part of the office.

“Where are you going?” Matt asks.

“I don’t need to be berated about my pizza preferences in my own office by my own boyfriend!”

“I have a valid excuse; I can taste all the ingredients of buffalo chicken pizza and it’s disgusting!”

“It’s not my fault you’re a freak with crazy senses!”

Matt gasps, “Bee, you wound me!”

“Do not use that nickname with me, Matthew!” You tell him, “That’s a low blow!”

“Why, just because I think your pizza choices are awful doesn’t mean I don’t still love you, Sweetheart! Your pizza preference is just inexcusable, and I think you need to accept that—”

“You know what?”

“What?”

Your hands come up to your ears, quickly turning your hearing aids off and taking them off, putting it on a nearby desk.

Though you cannot hear, Foggy and Karen’s face tells you that they are dying of laughter, and Matt has this offended look on his face when he realizes he no longer hears the familiar buzzing of your hearing aids.

This is how you spend your day. You sit at your desk, hungry, as your boyfriend yaps by your doorway. You know he’s asking you to put your hearing aids in or telling you that your pizza request is dumb, you can just sort of make out what he’s saying by the movement of his lips.

But you do not budge, and by the time it’s time to go back to his apartment, you simply slip on your coat and wait for him to meet you by the door. He has given up trying to talk to you, for the most part. But the silent treatment is killing him. Even when you get to his apartment, he’s left speechless as you silently retreat into his bedroom, stealing some clothes and going to lay down.

Honestly, though? The worst part isn’t the silent treatment or ignoring him, but it’s the fact that he knows your ears ring even worse when you walk through the city without your hearing aids on. He knows you’re in pain. It’s killing him because you’re trying not to show it, but he can tell you’re clenching your jaw and burying your head beneath his pillow. You’re trying to rely on the softness of his sheets and the faint smell of him lingering between the sheets.

So, he devises a plan. And every minute he waits for the plan to be carried out is torture because he knows you’re too stubborn to forfeit your opinion on buffalo chicken pizza. When he is finally able to give you an apology you truly deserve, he grabs your hearing aids off the coffee table and crawls into bed behind you. You feel the bed dip but don’t say anything.

He plants a soft kiss to your hand, beginning to trail kisses up your arm and shoulder. He kisses your neck, and then jaw. You glance back over to him, seeing the hearing aids in his hand. You take them from him and put them on, before turning them on. He grins at the familiar humming they create at a frequency that will not bother you.

“Still mad at me, bee?” He asks, kissing your shoulder again. You shrug.

“Mad is a strong word, but yes.”

“Let me make it up to you?”

“Fine, but only because you’re cute.” He likes this answer. He takes your hand and pulls you off the bed, taking you to the kitchen. And you smell.. Pizza. There’s a box from your favorite place, and you step away from him to open the box. It’s a half plain pie and a half buffalo chicken pie. Because no matter how much he disagrees with you, he just wants you to talk to him and not be in so much pain for the sake of winning an argument.

You turn your head and place a soft kiss to his cheek. He tilts his head and places a soft kiss to your lips.

“Am I forgiven, bee?”

“I think so, Matty.” You hum.

He grins and kisses you again, thrilled to sense your more relaxed posture now.

...

Another challenge of your relationship comes from being lawyers. Mostly since you’re both ridiculously stubborn. You have a fun game you like to play out of it, though.

This one time you play, you’re laying with him on his couch, listening to music when you start yapping.

“I think I might style my hair a different way,” you tell him, but he just shrugs and plays with your hair.

“I think you look gorgeous either way.”

You furrow your brows for a second, and his face splits into a grin since he knows what’s coming.

“Objection,” you start, “You’re blind, you have no actual way of telling if I’m conventionally attractive.”

He considers this for a second.

“Overruled,” He determines, “Beauty is subjective, and in my opinion, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever known.” Your face flushes.

“Objection,” You start again, and he groans, knowing you won’t let it go, “You don’t need to flirt with me, I already want you.”

“Overruled,” He counters again, quicker this time, “I like flirting with you, and it keeps the spark alive. Plus, I like making you blush.”

You raise an eyebrow, and he knows what’s coming next.

“Objection,” You hum, “How could you possibly know I’m blushing?”

He simply moves his hands from your hair and rests them against your cheeks, before deciding.

“Overruled.”

There’s another time that you’re at Josie’s, and you want to talk to Karen about a surprise you’re planning for his birthday, but he’s sitting right there, so you start signing. And he knows you’re signing by the way your hands smack, and the air moves through your fingers.

“Objection,” He groans, “I can’t understand what you’re talking about!”

“Mm, Overruled,” You determine, “There are some things I’m allowed to keep from you, but you have super senses and can tell when I’m lying and can hear me from a long distance away. Signing is the only way to have things be confidential.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“Okay, objection—You aren’t supposed to keep secrets from your partner.”

“Overruled.” You tell him. “One, that’s something people say about wedded spouses, ask me to marry you, get a marriage certificate and show me a nice ring then we’ll talk,” He blushes at that, “Two, you have an unhealthy idea of relationships from past relationships. You’re in therapy for a reason.”

Matt nods.

“Okay, okay.” He sighs, “That’s fair.” You grin at this.

“See? Was it so hard to let me win, Counselor?”

He raises an eyebrow.

“Yes, it was, Counselor.” He tells you, but you just giggle, because you love being a lawyer and you love your boyfriend.

But this last time is your favorite.

You spent the night drinking at Marci and Foggy’s, but there was this tension between you and Matt, and you can hardly wait to get home. So at some point, you make a half assed excuse, mumbling something about how your hearing aid batteries are low, but whatever it was that you told them as an excuse, you don’t really care.

Because now you’re on your bed, Matt pressed against you as he kisses down your neck. His teeth graze against your skin, and you gasp when he bites down, leaving a large mark on your neck.

Then, Matt, horny and a little tipsy, goes,

“Objection, I thought I told you to be quiet.” He continues to kiss your neck, jumping from side to side, leaving marks here and there.

“Overruled, I’m deaf, I can’t tell how loud I’m being,” You hum, your fingers lacing into his hair. He hums and kisses your collarbone before he speaks again.

“Objection,”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Matt—”

He shushes you softly before kissing you.

“Ssh… It’s listening time, sweetheart,” Okay, that was hot, “Objection,” He starts again, “You can be quiet for me, I know you can. I know you can follow orders, baby.” He then kisses your neck again.

“Overruled,” You start, tugging on his hair a bit. “You decided to play our game while knowing I’m at your mercy. It’s an abuse of power.”

“An abuse of—” he half scoffs, half chuckles. “You know what, Sweetheart?”

“What, Matty?”

“Objection. Be quiet or I’ll stop.”

Damn. An ultimatum. You knew that in situations like these, Matt’s willpower is stronger than yours.

“Sustained.”

“There we go, bee, was that so hard?”

...

The real best part of dating Matt Murdock, a blind lawyer with super senses while being deaf?

Well..

It starts on a warm sunny Sunday morning. You’re laying in bed, the sun peeking through its curtains. You’re laying on your stomach, face smooshed against pillows as he stretches out beside you. In another life, your dear boyfriend was a cat.

You don’t have your hearing aids in yet. It’s too early. Plus, you’re just enjoying the look of Matt basking in the warmth of the light. He’s gorgeous, your boy.

You lean forward and gently kiss the corner of his eyes, squeezed shut as he stretches. He stops when he feels your lips against his skin, smiling softly. He says good morning, but you can’t really hear him, so you just take his hand and press a kiss to his skin there too.

He returns the favor later, as you’re pouring your coffee. He presses a soft kiss to your ear, and you grin, resting your body against his He presses another kiss to your other ear. It’s something small, but it thrills you.

Matt is gentle with you in a way that you’re not used to. It’s not the sort of gentleness that comes with most people, where they’re afraid of breaking you because of your being deaf, but it’s a gentleness that comes despite it.

You enjoy bathing in his affection, especially because he is just so willing to give it to you and while it should be something you’re used to, you’re not. But you’re getting there. Matt makes sure of it.

The pair of you just seem to find the darkest cracks and crevices of the other, and you love those parts dearly.

You begin to kiss the corner of his eyes more often, and it quickly replaces his jaw as your favorite place to kiss. And your ears, despite how much pain and suffering they provide to you, Matt is a big fan of just kissing them.

So, when he leans forward and kisses your ears, you lean over to him and kiss the corners of his eyes. The way he squeezes his eyes shut at the affection is pretty adorable. It’s always awful when he must slip on those red glasses that hide those pretty eyes.

“Objection,” you groan.

He places a soft kiss to the top of your ear.

“Overruled.”

[beyondspaceandstars]

The Barista

Relationship: Matt Murdock x Reader Warnings: nothing. only fluff Summary: Although the barista at the local coffee shop never seems to be able to get Matt's order right, something keeps bringing him back. A/N: enjoy this quick little fluffy thing I whipped up in the notes app of my phone <3

Masterlist

Matt winced after he took another sip of his coffee. You had added cinnamon to it this time. Cinnamon. He didn’t know how you managed to do that. His coffee was simple and, more importantly, never changed, but you—a barista at the local coffee shop—always somehow managed to get it just a little incorrect.

But, also, Matt wasn’t exactly keen on skipping his weekly coffee trips.

“What did she put in your coffee this time?” Foggy asked after having witnessed the face his friend had made.

Matt sighed. “Cinnamon.”

“Cinnamon?” Foggy laughed. “I don’t understand how that is even possible. Why do you keep going to that place?”

Matt did his best to his shrug casual, undetectable. “No reason. It’s not that big of a deal.”

Foggy gasped. “Oh my gosh.”

“What?”

“There’s a hot barista, isn’t there?”

Matt immediately started spewing out (weak) protests. “What. That’s… I— How would I—,”

But Foggy cut him off. “Don’t give me that again, Matthew. You do know. You can’t stop yourself from going to the coffee shop because you’re trying to get with a hot barista.”

“Okay,” Matt said in defeat, “maybe let’s not call her ‘hot barista.’ She’s just… She’s very kind. She makes silly coffee puns when I order. Sometimes we get to talking and… I don’t know. I like it. I like her, I think.”

“Even though she gets your coffee order wrong every single time?”

Matt blushed. “Well, I think I make her a little nervous. I may or may not have noticed some spikes in her heart rate.”

"Oh, that’s perfect," Foggy said with a laugh. "So, when are you going to ask her out?"

"I— I don’t think I can do that. That would be weird, right? Maybe she’s just being nice to me. I don’t want to be one of those customers."

"But you said her heart skips when you walk in."

"Sure, but maybe she’s just an anxious person—,"

Foggy scoffed. "Since when have you ever had this many reservations about asking someone out?"

"I don’t know," Matt admitted with a sigh. "I don't think she needs to get wrapped up in all my stuff."

"Actually it sounds like she very much wants to get wrapped up with you."

"Foggy…"

"Alright, alright, I’ll stop," he said, raising his arms in surrender. "I’m just saying, it sounds like she might be into you so I would at least think about it."

And so Matt did. He tried not to—he really did—but no matter how much he resisted it, your angelic voice and his best friend’s insisting words kept creeping up in the back of his mind. Even when he was out patrolling his city, the thoughts didn’t leave him.

In fact, it consumed Matt for an entire weekend. And he found himself back at the coffee shop bright and early Monday morning.

As Matt opened the door, he was immediately hit by your soft, sweet voice talking to another customer. You were kind and respectful as you interacted with them but Matt was quick to notice you didn’t share a coffee pun. He didn’t know why that made something in his chest warm.

When he approached the counter, he heard your heart speed up just ever so slightly, as if on perfect cue. Matt enjoyed trying to act clueless sometimes.

"Good—Good morning, Matthew," you said. "It’s good to see you again. I missed you a latte this past weekend."

Matt subtly tightened the grip on his cane. He swore you winced at your words, which he found adorable. "Good morning.” He couldn’t help but smile. "That was a good one.”

You giggled. And it nearly took his breath away.

“Thank you,” you replied. “I have to start looking up new ones. I fear I’m running out.”

Matt shook his head. “We can’t have that, can we?”

You laughed again. You were as giddy as ever around him. Maybe Foggy wasn’t completely bonkers, Matt thought.

"What can I get started for you today, Mister Lawyer?”

"Coffee. Splash of cream," Matt answered.

"Of course, of course," you muttered to yourself before waltzing around behind the counter. The sound of grinding beans and dripping coffee made Matt’s ears perk up.

"Busy day today?" You asked over the noise of the machines.

Matt shook his head. "Paperwork to do, files to review. The usual," he replied but his words felt jilted. Should he ask you? Would that be weird? Would you call the cops or something?

"Well, that’s good to hear! Your day will fly by," you said quite cheerfully. It made Matt feel really good—a particular kind of good that didn’t always come easily for him.

"It’s already off to a great start here," Matt replied, taking a little leap of faith. He swore he heard you gasp. "Um, you know, there is something I wanted to ask you."

You were now pouring coffee into a to-go cup. Matt didn’t think you had messed up anything this time but he couldn’t be sure. He was a little distracted.

"Oh, yeah?" You asked. Your voice was suddenly shaky. Your heart rate shot up. Not just a skip like before. It was pounding.

It could mean anything, really, he told himself.

"Yeah." Matt took a deep breath. "I was wondering if you’d like to grab dinner sometime. With me."

Something heavy hit the counter. "Uh, dinner? Like as a date?"

Matt chuckled. "Yes, exactly like a date."

"I’d love to." You didn’t even hesitate slightly. That made Matt feel really good.

"Great," he replied. He was sure he was keeping his composure from the outside but on the inside? He wanted to let out a sigh of relief.

You two exchanged contact information after Matt’s order was ready. He paid and you both kept it very professional, even when he noticed your hands were pretty much shaking.

The professionalism fell when he was bidding you a goodbye. You stepped around the counter to plant a kiss on his cheek and wish him a good day. It nearly took Matt aback but not in a bad way.

A permanent smile was etched onto his face for the entire morning—even when he went to take a sip of his coffee...

Vanilla. Matt could smell it, he could taste it. You had somehow added a splash of vanilla syrup to his cup of coffee. Matt laughed to himself.

[worldlxvlys]

heyy an, i miss u sm so i got a request!! what if u start a sturniolo little sister thing (c.ai doesn't feed me enough) basically the plot i wrote on c.ai is reader (she has a name on c.ai but just go with y/n ig) is about to leave to go to a party in a sort of "revealing" outfit (it's not actually that revealing the triplets are just overprotective as shit in my plot) and they notice a few she's been wearing more revealing outfits these days and they lowkey wonder why. (that's not actually what happens in my plot but i'm gatekeeping it bc it's my comfort c.ai bot) and then you can go from here i guess!! in my plot, reader is a very whiny, easily annoying and whimpery girl, ykwim? like she's so easily hurt / upset. that's one of her main traits so hope it helps the development of the fic! ilysm🫶🏻

stand out

sturniolo triplets x sister! reader

warnings: cursing, mention of shitty ex

a/n: kind of got carried away, hopefully you like it tho

ily <33

“you’re not leaving in that” chris stated for about the fifth time that night. i was starting to get annoyed.

i’ll admit that my shorts were on the shorter side, but everything was covered.

“why chris? why do you care about what i put on my body?”

his jaw clenched as he let out a heavy sigh.

catching onto the annoyance that was written all over chris’s face, matt stepped in.

“look, what you decide to wear is completely up to you, we aren’t going to tell you what you can and can’t wear.” he placed his hand on my shoulder gently.

“we’ve just noticed that your outfits have been a little more on the revealing side lately-“ i cut him off, already knowing where this conversation was heading.

“ we? so you guys talk about how i dress when i’m not here?” his mouth opened and closed like a fish as my question caught him off guard.

nick then pitched in, “look, we’re genuinely just worried about you. we want to make sure you’re safe”

“i’m fine guys, seriously. i mean, everybody wants to stand out, right?” i watched as all of their faces dropped as they began to catch on.

matt tilted his head at me, “is this about your ex?” i let out a sigh at this.

he knows me too well.

when i broke up with my ex, matt was the person i leaned on. chris and nick were there for me, of course, but matt was the person who took me for late night drives to cheer me up. so, naturally, i spoke to him the most about my feelings.

when i was dumped, my ex told me i was just like every other girl and i tried too hard to fit in. while i tried to act like his words held no affect on me, they hurt me deeply.

they rang through my head constantly, no mater what i did. but, i didn’t want to completely change just because a man decided to use my biggest insecurity against me. so, instead, i decided to switch up my style.

what i failed to realize, however, was that my brothers were able to read me like a book.

and while the change in clothing choice was cute, it wasn’t me. it was uncomfortable.

“i hate that he still has so much power over me. it’s like no matter what i do, i can always hear his comments about me in my head.” i finally spoke.

“what did he say to you?” chris asked, growing concerned.

i looked down at this, feeling tears start to prick at the corner of my eyes.

“pretty much that there was nothing special about me and that i’m boring” i shrugged my shoulders, swallowing the lump that began to form in my throat.

“well he’s just flat-out wrong” chris stated, as though it was the most obvious thing he’s ever said.

i furrowed my eyebrows as i stared at him in confusion.

“um, hello? you’re literally the most insane person i’ve ever met”

i looked at him crazily, “is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“you’re the only person i’ve ever met that goes running for fun. that is borderline psychotic” i narrowed my eyes at him. “trust me, you’re not like any other girl” he finished.

i playfully rolled my eyes at him.

“plus” matt began, “isn’t this the same dude that thought that googled why he had a headache and was fully convinced he was dying?” i couldn’t help but chuckle at that.

nick then joined in, “besides, that motherfucker talks like he’s reading from a script written by the ginny and georgia writers, i promise you’re not missing out”

this sent the three of us into laughing messes. chris reached out for something to hold onto as he started to fall and, seeing as i was standing right next to him, that happened to be me.

chris clutched onto my shoulders as he began to bring me down with him, and the four of us doubled over in laughter.

——————

masterlist

tag list: @lovingsturniolo @lustfulslxt @gwenlore @flowerxbunnie @sturnssx @mattslolita @its-jennarose @sturnsdior @sophssturn @bernardsleftbootycheek @queen161718 @chrisdevora @cupidsword @nickmillersn1gf @stramboli4life @mattsneezing @chrisstankyleg @sturniolobltch @vib3swithanuk @ciarasturn1 @bethsturn @bernardenjoyer @mbbsgf @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @ssturniolo @blueeyedbesson @mxqdii @sturniolowhore @rheaakayourname @defnotayonna @urmom2bitch @abbie13sworld @starsturniolo @hearts4chriss @theyluv-meee @sturns-posts @carolinalikesthings @itzdarling @chrisstopherfilmed @judespoision @sstvrnioloo @littlebookworm803 @nicksdrpepper @chrisloyalgf

[querenciasturniolo]

missing you ⮕ c.s.

word count: 822

warnings: swearing

summary: chris is back in boston from chicago, and you decide that you were sick of missing him

a/n: i’m just in the mood to write for chris, lately. also a two word title ? crazy concept.

everything written is completely fictional. the people i write for are written with characteristics and mannerisms that i made for them, this is in no way depicting what would actually happen in real life.

“Just come over.”

You rolled your eyes and rolled over in your bed. Chris’ request sounded almost impossible as you pulled your comforter over your shoulders.

“I’m exhausted, I wouldn’t dare getting out of my bed.” You whined, Chris chuckling and shaking his head. He’d facetimed you only moments before, aimlessly walking around and making way too much noise.

“I’m surprised Mary-Lou hasn’t told you to quiet down.” You teased, Chris pulling a face and looking down at you on his screen.

“She’s at the store, so I’m free to be as loud as I want.” He said. You snickered and finally pushed yourself up.

“No, you aren’t. Shut the fuck up, I’m trying to take a nap in here.” Nick’s voice rang through your speaker, Chris whipping around with wide eyes just as you heard Nick’s bedroom door slam shut.

“We just picked him up from the airport—needless to say, he didn’t appreciate us messing up his room and not cleaning it.” Chris said, his voice significantly quieter than before. He wasn’t looking at the camera anymore, but you didn’t care.

Facetiming Chris was either him rambling about something he thought of for a solid three hours, or it was just sitting in silence as he went about his daily routine. You didn’t mind, you knew it was just because he wanted your company, even if you weren’t there.

“How are you?” You asked. It’d been a while since you’d last seen him, considering they’d just gotten back to Boston from Chicago. He glanced down at the screen for a moment and shrugged, his eyes going back to whatever he was doing.

“Oh you know, the usual. Seeing Skies was fucking awesome, but it’s good to be home. Missing you.” He said. He paused, pulled a face and shook his head. “That was corny, ignore that.”

You laughed. “I’m telling everyone, I’m gonna completely ruin your street cred.” You teased, Chris mocking you playfully as it sank in that you really did miss him. Even talking to him had your heart constricting in yearning. It had been too long since you’d seen him.

“I’m gonna take a shower, I’ll call you back after, okay?” You said, Chris humming and nodding his head. “Alright, I love you.”

“I love you too.” He said before you finally hung up, jumped out of your bed and headed to your bathroom. You decided about halfway through your shower that you were going to see Chris.

You got dressed and ready before grabbing your keys and heading towards the door. You could feel your phone vibrating in your pocket, most likely being a text from Chris joking about how long your showers take.

The drive to their house was almost routine, each turn and stop being done on autopilot until you pulled into the driveway. You stepped out of your car and shut the door lightly, pulling your phone out and shooting a text to Matt to let you in.

Before you reached the door, it was swinging open and Matt was looking at you with furrowed eyebrows. “Why didn’t you text Chris?”

You shrugged and stepped into the house, turning to face Matt when he shut the door. “I told Chris I wasn’t coming over, and I realized I wanted to, so it’s kind of a surprise, I guess.” You said, Matt nodding and following you up the stairs.

“He’s in his room, I think.” He said. You followed him and went up the stairs after him, walking past him to get to Chris’ room. The door was open, Chris laying on his bed with his back facing the door. You smiled and tiptoed across his room, reaching his bed and deciding at the last second to jump. You hit the mattress, Chris shouting and whipping around to see you curled in on yourself laughing hysterically.

“Jesus Christ, Y/n! You gave me a fucking heart attack.” He said, his own laughter consuming him as he turned to face you. Tears were rolling down your cheeks, your stomach aching as you tried your best to calm yourself.

“You should have seen your face!” You squeaked, your hands wiping your cheeks roughly as Chris rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around you.

“Well, yeah. I thought I was under attack, or something.” He said, his smile wide. He pulled you close, your laughter finally subsiding as you relaxed into him, your cheeks sore from how hard you were laughing.

“So what changed your mind?” He asked. You hummed and closed your eyes.

“I just figured I could lay in your bed with you instead of in mine alone. Also, missing you was getting old.” You teased, Chris rolling his eyes and pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m never gonna live that down, huh?” He said. You smiled and turned your head, leaning up to press a chaste kiss to his lips.

“Never.”

[antisocialties]

matt sturniolo comforting his friend after a long, hard day which leads to a love confession?

Confessions.

Matt Sturniolo x reader

Summary: in which matt comforts his friend after a really long and hard day before confessing his love to them.

Warnings: Touches on mental illness, profanity is also used.

Today had been a hard day. You couldn’t even quite put your finger on why, you just felt shitty the entire day so far.

You felt like reaching out to your friends but didn’t really want to bother them until you felt it was completely necessary.

To be honest, you didn’t want to contact them at all. You always felt like a burden and couldn’t help but feel guilty every time.

You knew that each time they’d dismiss your negative thoughts, but you still felt like maybe they were just telling you what you wanted to hear.

Finally you just decided to fight those awful thoughts and bite the bullet.

You decided to call your best friend, Matt.

The phone rang about 4 times before he picked up. You could hear talking in the background before Matt acknowledged you.

“Hey. How are you today?“

You tried to form words that wouldn’t immediately give you away, hoping your tone would match.

“I’m okay.” you spoke, silently cursing yourself knowing dry responses especially that specific sentence was always one of your biggest tells.

“Uh, you sure? You don’t sound like you’re in the best mood.” he spoke audibly concerned.

You contemplated responding honestly but ended up deciding to do so because you didn’t know how much longer you could handle being alone today.

Matt always understood you, and was always willing to be in your company when he was available to do so.

“To be honest I really don’t want to be alone for any longer, today hasn’t really been the best.” The slight shake in your voice was quite prominent to him.

“Did you want to come here or did you want me to come over? Chris and Nic are here.” He responded almost immediately.

You’d recalled hearing the two other boys’ voices in the background when the phone was answered.

“I’d love to come over, I miss you guys.”

He smiled as soon as he heard what you had to say. He had missed you too he just didn’t want to feel too clingy.

“We’re home, so you know the door is always open for you y/n.” he replied with a grin on his face

You couldn’t conceal the smile on your face after hearing that. Suddenly the whole day had been fixed just knowing you could go see Matt.

Of course you were also excited to see Nic and Chris, but you’d had a crush on Matt for a pretty long time by now.

He was just everything you personally would ask for in a guy.

“Okay, i’m leaving now. Did anyone want anything?”

“Actually Chris was just complaining about how he was starving and Nic and I both agreed we could eat right now.” He answered with a slight chuckle.

You could hear Chris’ giggles in the back, him obviously still being in the room.

You let out a breathy laugh at the thought of him most likely giving Matt puppy eyes before he’d said that.

“Yeah, what does everyone want?” You asked, slipping your shoes on and grabbing your purse.

“I’ve honestly been craving Taco Bell and they both agreed they were cool with that, does that sound okay?”

“Sounds good to me, do you guys wanna text me your orders? I know Nic switches his up sometimes.” You spoke, recalling Nic’s occasionally differing menu choices.

You double checked, making sure your keys and wallet were still in their usual places inside of your bag.

They of course were not and got left on your kitchen counter from the night previous. Thankfully they were easy to find because you’d kept an assortment of cute keychains on your key ring. Not to mention even if you hadn’t, you knew better and had put an airtag on them.

“Yeah I got you, i’ll get them all now and send them to you. Thank you y/n.” Matt voiced his gratitude to you.

You heard a loud chorus of “Thank youuu!” from both Chris and Nic in the background.

“Of course! Love you guys, i’m leaving now.” You told him as you walked out your front door, locking it behind you.

Matt’s heart skipped a little at tbe sound of the words “Love you.” leaving your lips. He didn’t even care that you were referring to all three of them.

He felt a small blush rise to his cheeks, remembering he had to respond to you or the convo would end incredibly awkward on his part.

“Love you, we’ll see you soon.”

He subconsciously let out a deep breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in after the call had ended.

Nic and Chris were in their own world talking about how they were excited to see you and get their food since none of them had decided to eat breakfast that day out of pure laziness.

“Will you guys text me your exact orders so I can just send her one list?” Matt asked his brothers, trying to make things as easy as possible for you.

“Yeah, it’s sending now.” Chris answered as he tapped the send button on his imessage app.

“Typing mine now, sorry.” Nic apologized.

Matt received two text notifications, letting him know he had both orders and could finish typing up the list he was sending to you.

It only took less than a minute because he’d already had his typed up for you and simply had to copy and paste theirs below his.

You lived nearby so Matt knew that as long as the lunch rush hadn’t started yet you’d be less than thirty minutes.

Thankfully their peak lunch hour hadn’t began yet and you were able to get in and out of the drive thru in less than ten minutes.

You mentally thanked yourself for leaving as soon as you could knowing in just a few more minutes you would’ve been stuck behind the huge line behind you.

It only took another ten minutes for you to arrive at their place.

You first thought you could juggle multiple bags and a full drink carrier and then reality set in as you shot a text to Matt.

Chris was the first to emerge from the front door, practically running to grab two of the bags from the passengers seat of your car.

You immediately began laughing so hard you had to set the drink carrier back down before you caught your breath.

He just smirked as he sprinted inside and up the stairs into the kitchen.

Matt came out to help and you told him you didn’t really need any help anymore but he insisted and took the drink carrier from your right hand.

You silently hoped he didn’t notice the flush upon your cheeks in the bright Los Angeles sunshine.

You guys made your way up the stairs and into their kitchen, setting everything down on the countertop and catching your breath.

“I already got mine so you guys are gonna have to keep looking.” Chris spoke with his mouth almost completely full.

You snickered looking around for everyone else’s reactions.

Matt returned an amused smile as you attempted to stop your intense and obnoxious laughter.

Nic simply gave him a glare of disgust before smacking the absolute shit out of his shoulder and continuing to look through the bags of food for his meal.

“He acts like I won’t beat his ass.” He scoffed.

“Nic here’s yours.” Matt snorted, handing the bag to his brother.

“At least someone has some fucking respect.”

You and Matt gave each other dopey looks before grabbing your food and making your way to his room.

“So did you wanna talk about what was wrong earlier?”

“It was just one of those days for me. Where you don’t even know what’s really making you feel down but you can’t shake the feeling of just being depressed.” You sighed, plopping yourself onto the side of his bed.

You noticed his expression sink as the words left your mouth.

“I know I ask this every time, but is there anything I can do to help at all?”

“Honestly just being here with you is more than enough, i’m already feeling somewhat better.” You shot a soft smile to him.

You watched as his eyes lit up and could feel your face get warm as you held back the burst of excitement that washed over you.

Every time you saw the way his cheeks upturned into that sweet grin, and his eyes sparkled you remembered one of the many reasons you found yourself so in love with him.

“It honestly makes me so happy to hear that, i’m genuinely so grateful I can just be here when you need someone. I love you.”

You noticed his face and movements freeze once he processed the words that just left his mouth.

You knew you were beaming at him and couldn’t even hold it back, especially hearing those last three words.

“I mean, we all love you. You’re so great and you mean so much to us.” He spoke referring to his brothers, desperately trying to cover up his confession.

“I love you too. I mean I love all three of you, but I really love being with you Matt. You make my day every day.” You shyly admitted, a bright red flush upon your cheeks.

“I really thought this would be way more awkward but you just made it a lot less uncomfortable.” He laughed.

“I mean I definitely don’t want to make this weird, but I think I might be in love with you.” He spoke just above a whisper, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

Your heart fluttered, giving him an actual puppy dog face hoping to let him know you completely reciprocated those feelings.

“I’m way too grateful that you had the balls to confess that before I could because I have never been able to work up the courage to tell you that I feel exactly the same. I am so in love with you and have been asking Nic how to tell you without actually throwing up and having a panic attack.” You told him while looking down and playing with your fingers.

You both made eye contact with cheesy grins upon your faves.

You could feel the tension growing and just fed into it and started to lean in, the adrenaline flowing and helping you push passed your anxiety.

Before you knew it Matt was leaning in too.

You closed your eyes as your lips met and you leaned into him, shifting your wait on his bed.

Your lips moved in sync, an unspoken connection making your veins light up and start to burn.

You pulled apart from him, your eyes searching for his to get a reaction.

He opened his eyes to meet yours and you watched as he flashed you a dazed smile, blinking quickly to see if your reaction changed.

You couldn’t even form words yet, you just put your hands on his cheeks and gently pulled him in for another kiss, leaning your forehead against his.

“Hey Matt I think all of the sauce is in your bag- oh…my bad.” Chris interrupted as he barged through the door.

Matt pulled away and you both stared at him before you began hysterically laughing at his hilarious series of expressions.

Chris joined you both after realizing how funny he must’ve looked staring at you guys with his mouth open for a few seconds.

“I’m not even shocked I just feel bad for completely ruining that little moment.”

“You’re good bro, just take some of the sauce.” Matt chuckled, grabbing the bag from the floor beside the bed and handing it to him.

“Thanks.” Chris responded, grabbing his sauce and leaving the room.

Matt turned to you with a cheesy smile upon his face.

“So that happened.” You spoke, nervously chuckling while your eyes met his.

“Chris and Nic both knew I was into you for a long time anyway, so it’s a lot less awkward than what I pictured.” Matt spoke, his cheeks hot and flushed.

“I know for sure Nic knew that I liked you, but I was nervous Chris would tell you before I did.” You told him.

Silence filled his bedroom, and you slid your body next to his, laying down on his bed next to him.

He laid down beside you, reaching his hand out to interlock with yours.

You both laid there in blissful silence, hand in hand.

You were so glad your feelings were finally up in the air, and he reciprocated them. You took comfort in knowing you both saw each other as more than best friends.

You loved him, and he loved you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i’m so sorry it took so long to get this out my loves! i’ve been going through a lot of creativity block all together, but am so glad i finally can post this! i hope you all enjoy, and i will be working on my other requests now too! feel free to keep sending in any requests you have <3

also just a reminder that anyone can be added to my tag list! just leave a comment or send me a message if you’d like to be added :)

ps sorry for any typos, i proofread but sometimes i still miss stuff.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tag list: @im-a-matt-girl @sturniolomads @hii-multifandom-toomany @stxrniqlo @mettsturniolo @orangetreekid @iluvmatt @lomlolivia @caseysturniolozzz @thetriplets3

[im-out-of-it]

HAPPY ALEC RANT: MAINLY SHOW ALEC (KINDA BOOK ALEC) BUT HOW HAS MY BOY NOT HAD A MILLION MENTAL BREAKDOWNS?????? CHEERS TO MY MAN ALEC FOR KEEPING HIS SHIT TOGETHER

seriously alec puts up with sooooo much shit. he’s always saving jaces worthless ass, Maryse and Robert are always on him for “family honor”, jace is always yelling at him when clary goes missing as if he can be held responsible for her, and poor soul is just so unhappy

book Alec: not going to mention the writing because it’s so atrocious and ah shit, I already did!!!! seriously, Alec gets treated badly by jace mostly all throughout the series. Alec constantly has to save his life in every book. he’s made to feel that he needs to come out. even Magnus (WHY MAGNUS) is pushing Alec to come out and coming after A TEENAGE ALEC. I feel like Alec is simply not happy basically throughout the whole TMI series. he’s made to be biphobic, acting as though Magnus can’t have a past, tries to make Magnus mortal (ALEC WOULD NEVER), and dude can’t even be his own person without thinking of jace. he’s so badly written and cc has damaged his character so much. I genuinely hope in my world, he’s more like show Alec and living his best and carefree healthy life with Magnus 🥰

show Alec: MY FAVVVVVVVVV!!!!!! his parents are on him for saving the family honor and reputation (because of fucking clary ew), then Maryse gets mad after Alec finally chooses for himself, jace is always using him and expecting Alec to drop everything and save him, clary does the same and doesn’t care about the rules just what she wants. Lydia was such a small character and I know some don’t like her but at least she was nice towards Alec.

honestly in majority of the first season, everyone is yelling or getting shitty with Alec. I’m sorry but this man is so reasonable and lenient. he has let a ton of shit fly!!!! if I was in charge of the institute, I would’ve shipped clarys annoying ass off somewhere else. sorry but not my problem 💀 and the way jace treats Alec is unforgivable. I really wanted Alec to give in and go off completely. I’m glad he stands up for himself cause boy did not have the honor to do it in the books. we know we get the “I’m not your bitch” line but let’s be honest, Alec isn’t his own person.

I’m just amazed he never went completely unhinged. Magnus, Lydia, Izzy (mostly) are probably the only people who are nice to Alec and don’t treat him badly. a little bit of Simon too!!!!! Alec seriously deserved a huge vacation after season one. I’m amazed he stuck by jaces side after all jace did. let that fucker die and stay dead, please!!! IM SERIOUSLY BEGGING AT THIS POINT LMAO

just major props to Alec for not losing his shit and being one of the best characters ever. I can see why Matt is so proud of Alec and whoever changed show Alec and made him better, THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY COLD HEART SERIOUSLY THANK YOU

because what the fuck was it with jace saying “oh Alec will be here.” like Alec has made it clear that he doesn’t want to be involved with all the missions clary is trying to accomplish (bitch there are rules wtf), resulting in his family’s reputation, Izzy being almost reduned. he expects Alec to do whatever he says. and then when ms. I don’t care about the rules so I’ll run away does indeed run away, jace says Alec isn’t doing his best. might I add, is crossing the line. Alec has done so much for you, you ungrateful unworthy ass!!!!!! somebody needed to beat this child I swear

he gets to be happy with Magnus and actually shows what a healthy and fun relationship is. tries to change the relationships between downworlders and shadowhunters. MAKING HISTORY!! is probably the best leader ever in my opinion. he’s just out here thriving

also wish they would’ve kept his sassiness throughout the seasons. imagine his range and sass please. WE NEEDED IT

[utilitycaster]

I don't know how you feel about it, but I was extremely frustrated last night when I found out that break was called after around 3 hours. I just felt that at that point they should have just made it a Crown Keepers episode instead of promising that BH would be back and then them barely being in the episode. I don't know, I'm usually really go with the flow with CRs creative choices, but this was just a real big swing and a miss for me. I wish this had all just been its own episode

So here's my feelings:

My thoughts on EXU Prime, and later Kymal, were that I love the player characters and their relationships and much of the worldbuilding (notably all of Niirdal-Poc and the Qoniira Tetrarchy) and I liked many of Aabria's NPCs but there were some pretty big gaps left in "what the fuck is going on" that left me feeling as though I wouldn't mind seeing the characters again but I didn't feel strongly about continuing the story in-world, if that makes sense. The Aevilux reveal, for example, was sort of what the main plot of EXU Prime hinged upon (ie, that was Myr'atta Niselor's motivation; that was what the deal with Ted was) and so the fact that didn't come out for over 2.5 years irl after it ended meant I'd just kind of said "well, some weirdo from Syngorn really wanted to do shit to Opal for some reason related to her sister, who is also her patron, and we don't know why either of these things is the case, and I guess that's what happened" and made my peace with it. Similarly, I don't know what the Nameless Ones want, and never have (other than, at one point, the circlet of barbed vision, and I don't know why they want it). I made a joke that Myr'atta, Poska, and Otohan are all kind of the same and honestly that is the thing: if you don't know why a villain is doing something - even if the reason is "because I love to be evil and terrible!" it's hard to care, and if those are only villains, it's hard to be invested in the story about the heroes either, even if you like the heroes as characters.

When I say I like how this ended, I mean it - I think it could have gone only a few ways, but I like that Morrighan and Opal have both become divine champions, Morrighan willingly and Opal less so (this is yet another case of "the gods don't do take-backsies on oaths", but also, I do feel for Opal despite it all because of Aimee's excellent work throughout). I mentioned how I felt about the exact details of Cyrus's death but I don't mind that he's dead. Fy'ra was a highlight throughout, as she frequently is, and I think she was faced with two extremely unpleasant choices and made a fascinating decision. But I'd have preferred to see this as a flashback (see next paragraph) or like. Just decide what happened. If I'm being extremely honest a lot of my issues with the Crown Keepers portion is that it felt like there was a very specific desired ending (Opal's complete corruption and Cyrus's death); I also said at some point well before that you can only do so much with the Crown Keepers while Dariax is there because Matt does, even if he's turning his brain off to play our Charisma-only kinda short king, know all the cheat codes for the main campaign. It's kind of like why how, even if the DM will control an absent player during RP, they usually have another player control in combat.

I don't mind that the Bells Hells portion was short. I think the choice to break where they did makes sense given everything else that went on. But I think that, criticism of the actual Crown Keepers portion aside, while you might have lost some of your audience for a Crown Keepers-only episode on the main feed, you would have preserved the drama of FCG's death better and gotten people more excited for the Crown Keepers if you had essentially run things exactly as done here but then just cut the two episodes together, which, as a pre-taped medium, they can now do! Hindsight is again 20-20 but: Run the first half of 92 as is. Break and tape a full Crown Keepers episode. Return to Bells Hells and narrate the message back from Dorian saying he'll be there, play out the rest of Bells Hells in the camp dealing with FCG's death, and then have Dorian arrive at the very end of that episode and end the episode when the party asks him what's been going on with him, then reveal there will be a Crown Keepers episode. Air your full Crown Keepers episode as episode 93, and then return to the main campaign with 94. It would have been better balanced in terms of time, people who wanted the Crown Keepers to return would have gotten hyped up, and people who dislike them or are neutral would have at least known what to expect and frankly if they skip the episode that's their choice to make. Hell, since there were 2 weeks? Could have even been like "hey, we'll do a Crown Keepers Marathon on Twitch and Youtube on some random weekday" to build up some hype!

So overall my answer is that I agree this wasn't a great creative choice. I don't think this means they shouldn't take big swings! But some will be misses and this was, while not an entire miss for me, at best a walk.

[strniohoeee]

Revenant pt.2

Pairings: Matt Sturniolo X female reader, friends to lovers, feelings are admitted some more

Synopsis: Y/N has been suffering from her accident 7 months ago, but she’s not normal, and Matt notices. When they find out what happens will they help her be healed again???

Warnings⚠️: supernatural, ghosts, mentions of death, actual death, mentions of suicide. A single kiss….and that should be all it’s a spooky imagine😋

“I think we’ll have to try and get y/n back” Matt said looking at everyone

“Matt have you lost your fucking mind we are NOT about to idk “kill” y/n and hope her real soul comes back, do you know how fucking crazy that sounds!” Nick screeches at Matt

“I have to agree with Nick we have way too much on the line to attempt this, if y/n soul doesn’t come back we’re stuck with some random spirit who doesn’t know us” Chris said shaking his head and letting out a deep sigh

“Do you realize how insane this looks WE ARE ATTEMPTING TO GET A SPIRIT BACK TO THE RIGHT BODY?!?! WE’RE NOT FUCKING GHOST BUSTERS HOW IS THIS SHIT FUCKING REAL” Nick yelled at Matt with wide eyes and a shocked face

“Might I also add there’s no way this is real? Like no fucking way we sound fucking crazy” Chris said laughing a little

Y/N was completely silent watching the boys banter back and forth. She was contemplating if she wanted to do this or not; because this was in fact INSANE. They had to kill her physical body in order for her soul to come back. Was this a fucking movie?? She wasn’t too sure if she wanted to believe this. One part of her wanted to be back and enjoy her life like she was supposed to, but another part of her felt bad for the other spirit that most likely had no real body to go back to. She would be forgotten forever and feel lost and cold like Y/N had felt for those 7 months trying to figure out who *scratch that* WHAT she was. Y/N felt horrible just thinking about this poor soul having to truly die.

“Guys I’m not so sure how I feel about this” Y/N finally opened up while looking that the three boys

“What do you mean? Don’t you want to come back, and not be a ghost in our lives?” Chris said almost dumbfounded

“Of course I want to come back to you guys. I love and miss you, and these past 7 months have been dark and cold and lonely, but this other soul in me will soon feel that, and I don’t want her to feel how I felt. It’s a scary dark feeling” she says as she wipes tears from her eyes

“Y/N we can’t live without you, what are you going to do just take over this random spirit everyday, and leave her confused when she comes back to your body?” Matt asks, almost annoyed that Y/N would even think of not trying this.

“You know maybe I’m meant to die. Maybe I’m meant to just be a memory of yours, a ghost that follows you around. Maybe that’s what my fate has been all along” Y/N says to them, immediately their faces drop

“Have you lost your fucking mind? You are not meant to die! You are meant to be here with us can’t you see this? You’re meant to be here with me? You’re my Y/N” Matt said getting emotional

“You know y/n Matt’s right! If you weren’t meant to be alive your soul wouldn’t be here for as long as it did, after a while you’re supposed to come to terms and move on into the actual after life and not be a ghost searching” Padi said looking over at the boys

“But I’m scared. What if this doesn’t work out I’ll be gone forever then” y/n said avoiding eye contact out of heartbreak

“I’m very confident this will work. If I wasn’t sure I would’ve never brought it up” Padi responds walking over to Y/N and giving her a comforting hug

“Lets do it” Y/N says after Padi released her from the hug

“YES OMG YES” Chris jumps up dancing around like a child, and to this everyone laughed at his excitement

“Well how do we do this? How do we kill me without causing me pain” Y/N said cringing a little bit at this absurd situation

“I mean you could drown, or take too much medicine, suffocate” Padi said all nonchalant

“Jesus, Padi that’s intense” Nick said very shocked

“So either get killed or kill myself” Y/N said very perplexed, and to this Padi nodded with an apologetic look on her face

“But you’ll have to do while still in the body, and as your life is fading away you have to leave the body, and wait till the physical body is dead before you take over the body, this allows time for the old soul to leave, and that’s when you have to get in the body. But you have to time it right or both souls will be dead and you’ll be left with a physical dead body which will not be good for you guys” Padi said looking over at the boys. Their expressions changed, and they started to look worried and stressed

“GUYS! This will work. I will get back to my body!” Y/N said giving them a reassuring smile

“Although you could technically kill yourself I recommend that you be killed so one of them has complete control over the situation” Padi said and everyone nodded to this

“Alright, who wants to kill me?” Y/N asks getting up from her chair all excited

“The fact that you’re excited is very concerning to me. We don’t want to do this” Chris said rubbing his eyes

“Don’t be a pussy Chris” Y/N said laughing at him, Chris lifts his head up and points at Y/N “this bullying I don’t miss” he said laughing a little bit

“Are we doing this now?” Matt asks looking over at Y/N. She nods and gives him a weak smile

They all head upstairs to Matt’s room. Y/N lays down on the bed and gives them a reassuring smile

“This will work guys I promise you I’m coming back! I can not leave you guys” she said as puts her head down on the bed

“Okay so as the body is dying you need to leave the body, and wait for the body to die. As a spirit you will know when the body is dead, and then you need to enter the body, and CPR will have to be done and if you entered correctly you Y/N should be back in your correct body.” Padi said like it was the easiest thing ever

“Easier said than done” Nick says shaking his head and pacing around the room

“Calm down Nick! Alright, who's killing me?” Y/N said almost laughing at her words

To this question all the boys just froze now wanting to be responsible for the possible death of their best friend.

“Matt you should do it” Chris blurts out pushing Matt forward and backing away

“ME?!?! Are you fucking crazy kid?” Matt turns around looking at Chris

“Holy shit someone just kill me already I want to be back in my body” Y/N groans getting annoyed that we didn’t want to kill her

Matt nods his head and walks over to the bed. He grabs a pillow and looks down at Y/N with tears welling in his eyes

“I’m so fucking sorry if this doesn’t work out. I love you so much” Matt says, and with this Y/N nods her head and whispers" I love you back "before nodding at him to go on.

Matt lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and places the pillow over Y/N's face pushing down with as much weight as he could. It took a few seconds for her to start thrashing around. “FUCK IM SORRY IM SORRY” Matt yells while crying and continuing to put pressure on her thrashing body. Behind him stood a sad Padi, and Chris and Nick clinging onto each other crying a little bit as well. After 4 minutes of this agonizing torture to Matt. Y/N’s body stopped moving and she went completely limp. Matt removes the pillow and frantically looks at Padi

“WHAT DO I DO NOW” he says wide eyed, Padi runs over and checks Y/N’s pulse, realizing she doesn’t have one she has the boys help her get Y/N onto the floor so she can perform CPR

Padi immediately starts giving Y/N CPR and mouth to mouth. The boys are starting to worry that this crazy plan was actually a very stupid and reckless plan, and that y/n fate might be over.

Padi is pumping down on Y/N’s chest like she was a lifeless ragdoll, and to Matt that’s exactly what she looked like. Matt was starting to have a panic attack as he started to realize the love of his life may never come back.

Flash Back

Matt never really believed in love, and of course he loved his friends and family, and as him and his brothers grew famous on social media he began to love his fans. But real love? The love you see in movies, and read in books? Yeah that love had Matt laughing, and calling anyone who believed in love and soulmates an absolute fool.

He can't really remember when he started loving you, because he never believed in love. Oftentimes he was annoyed with how much of a hopeless romantic you were. Always looking for love, and to give love, but he found it pointless, and childish. He always tried to tell you to stop looking because it wasn't real, and no matter how many heartbreaks, nights of you being stood up or flat out rejected you never stopped loving. Although he was getting tired of having to pick up the broken pieces, and always being his shoulder to cry on, he would never say I told you so, and you always knew thats what he wanted to say. He admired the fact that even after all the heartbreak you still got up, and found the good in people, and would continue many more of these painful experiences.

He wasn't sure if he fell in love with you because you showed him how easy it is to love and be loved, or because you were always there wanting to be a part of his life, or maybe it was when he would be holding you after another asshole treated you terribly. And he would always tell himself “I would never hurt her shes all I ever wanted.” But he always told himself no because Matt Sturniolo doesn’t fall in love.

Flashback over

But why is it now as he watches your body slip away, hes feeling the weight of 1,000 pounds on his chest constricting his airway. Why is it that right now he wants to shake you awake and tell you how much he has always loved you, but was too scared to accept that he himself, in all his flaws and imperfections, can too feel true love.

Matt slowly calms himself down as Padi is still performing CPR. It’s been two minutes, but in Matt's mind it felt like all of eternity.

Suddenly he hears Y/N jump up and take a sharp inhale as she comes to her senses,

“Y/N?” Matt says looking over at her

“It’s me Matt, it's me” she says giving me a smile

Matt runs over to her on the floor and scoops her up

“You showed me love! You showed me that no matter how imperfect I am I can still be loved. I'm such an idiot for not realizing it sooner. I have loved you since the day you drunkenly told me that any woman was lucky to have me, and that in another lifetime I was yours to keep.” Matt said looking into Y/N’s eyes. She blushed at this statement and looked down.

“Matt I have loved you since the day I saw your eyes shimmer a different hue when I broke things off with that one guy. That day I truly felt like we would be each other's everything one day, or nothing at all. I held onto that hope, and as each day went on I slowly started to believe this was all made up, and you were not mine to have.” Y/N said looking at Matt reading his face to see how he felt

“Y/N I love you, and I need you in my life forever and always whether it's in this lifetime or another. You will always be mine, and I feel horrible for only truly realizing this as you lay dying, and fighting to come back to your real body.” Matt said, grabbing Y/N’s face and looking her in the eyes.

“Matt you’re my everything, and I need you here with me for the rest of my life” she responded looking down at Matt’s lips

They both looked into each others eyes, and down to each other's lips, both leaning in, and sharing a kiss that could stop time, and cure every problem within themselves.

After pulling away they were interrupted by Chris

“That was the cutest shit I have ever seen now stop before you make me sick” he said as he wiped a tear from his eye and went over to hug Matt and Y/N, Nick walks over as well to join the group hug. “Yall are so fucking cute” he said also wiping his tears.

“ I suppose I’m no longer needed” Padi said with the biggest smile on her face, they broke the group hug and smiled at her thanking her.

“Padi I don’t know what I would have done without you, you literally saved me in all aspects” Y/N said giving her a hug

“Its what I do, but you need to take care of yourself, and make sure you allow yourself to properly heal. You just transferred from a soul back to a human” Padi said laughing a little bit.

“This is fucking insane, I still can’t believe this is real” Chris said acting mind blown

“This is probably the craziest unbelievable shit to have ever happened, and this stays between all of us” Nick said rubbing his eyes. We all agreed and let Padi pack up so she can head out.

Before she left she turned around to us

“The girl says thank you for setting her soul free. She’s able to go watch over her family before she completely moves on” Padi said, we all smiled at this, and allowed Padi to leave.

“Guys im so fucking happy to be back I missed you all, and I really missed Matt” Y/N said giving Matt a kiss on the cheek.

“Were so fucking happy to have you back! What do you say? movie night in my room??” Nick asked, all excited, and we agreed. Nick and Chris ran up the stairs then Matt, and the me, but before I could make it to the second step I felt a shiver down my spine and my neck hairs stand up.

This caused me to straighten up, and let go of Matt’s hand, this caused him to turn and look at me.

“Hey you okay?” He asked raising an eyebrow

“Yeah I'm good! Thought I felt something, but I think its just after shock of everything.” She responded back to the worried boy. He nodded his head, and they all went back to running up to Nick’s room.

The end.

Or was it……

Thank you sooo much for reading part 2. I’m not sure if I’ll do a part 3 I don’t want this story to drag on, so it depends maybe I will, or maybe you’ll end it how you want in your mind.

-J💅🏽

[nightlyrayne]

TW: Lying, Manipulation, Cheating, Gabe Hicks

I have spent the last few days debating on whether or not I should speak up about my own past relationship and experience the TTRPG Gabe Hicks otherwise known by his handle as GabeJamesGames. I've decided to do so, in hopes that I may reach anyone that dated him and believed the were exclusive be given the same chance to know the truth as I have been given.

I'm going to cut this as short as I possibly can, mostly because everything is still very much scrambled in my head and trying to go through our past conversations has already been incredibly painful and difficult. I'm also sorry if this is a bit of a mess, or doesn't make sense anywhere. I tried to go back through our messages to be as accurate as possible, as I know I have a poor memory and an even worse sense of time.

Gabe and I started talking around late July of 2020 after I made a TikTok duetting him in his Matt from Dream Daddy cosplay. Things quickly become very flirtatious and suggestive between us. It did not take very long after that, somewhere between August and September we decided to be exclusive without labeling. I had firmly believed us to only be talking romantically and sexually with each other and expressed interest in becoming "officially" boyfriend and girlfriend when we met each other in person. Gabe agreed to this. Expressing he only had an interest in me and was more than happy to be exclusive.

In mid October I flew from Arizona back to my home state of Pennsylvania to meet him in person. He rented an Airbnb, though I did visit his home to meet his mom, one of his sisters, and his dog Leo. At one point during my stay, I was present for a live stream by his side as we carved pumpkins. I received no introduction when the stream began. Not my name, who I was, or what I was to him. I was simply there. And as a shy person who also has social anxiety, I said nothing because I was too nervous and didn't want to make things awkward. Though it felt awkward nonetheless. And immediately after the stream ended, he himself brought up the fact that he forgot to mention me. In the moment my only thought was "Well, at least he realized". And let it drop because I didn't want to have a fight.

Going home was extremely rough for me. I am the type of person that when I fall, I fall hard. I become very attached. And leaving was heartbreaking. The only thing that has helped was that he'd given me one of his shirts and had spoken about the possibility of moving in together down the road.

After that, things remained steady for a few more months. Though the issue of him wanting to remain completely private bothered me greatly. I brought up the fact multiple times, already apologizing while bringing it up because I felt like I was being too needy. In a way, I suppose I was gaslight myself, which made it all the easier for him. Especially when all I had ever asked was for him to put he was in a relationship on his social medias to help ease my anxiety. I expressed that my confidence in relationships came from having a partner who at least expressed that they were in a relationship. I didn't ask for my name nor my social media to be given. Though a part of me had definitely wanted that has well. I asked him for a compromise of just having "Taken" or "In a relationship" on his social medias. But every time I brought it up, he would claim he was already compromising by letting me meet his family and having his friends know about me. (Though whether his friends actually knew about me is unknown, as I don't remember having met or spoken to anyone of them.) At one point he even told me he had a stalker in the Netherlands and was worried about possibly upsetting her and having her come after him or I.

Things got harder after he got his new apartment February. Messages got less and less. By March hadn't received any 'I loves you's or 'I miss you's since January. I was getting more anxious about his growing number of followers and flirtatious behavior online, so I was being up being slightly public more and more. Around late May, early June, I could tell he just was no longer interested. He wasn't pointing in any effort. And while I had desperately wanted to make it work, I could tell he did not want to make it work. So I suggested stepping down from being romantic to just being friends. We never spoke after that, but we remained mutuals on TikTok and I would occasionally see him liking me stuff. Which, unfortunately, gave me more hope that I still want something to him than I would have liked.

I believed he had truly cared about me at some point during our relationship. But on Wednesday, my friend sent me a reddit post about him. I spent the whole day going through everything I could remember and wondering if he had been cheating on me as well. I posted my timeline of dating him on the Reddit post and was unfortunately informed that my timeline over lapped with TWO other people. One of them being the person he had claimed to me was a stalker.

I tell my story, though I was clueless until now, in hopes that anyone else who was hurt knowingly or unknowingly will find my story. That if they didn't know what kind of person Gabe was, they do now. And if they had already found out and haven't been in contact with any of his other exes, please know you are not alone. Please, please, please feel free to message me. And I am so sorry for the pain he has caused you, myself, and who knows how many others.

[zeephyre]

CR3: EPISODE 63 SPOILERS

I'm literally losing my mind rn guys

i haven't even finished the episode yet as im typing this, currently ashton is holding laudna as she cries on their shoulder after she sucked the life out of bor'dor.

i always had the suspicion that bor'dor wasn't telling the truth or telling a version of the truth, but i never really talked about it cause everyone was throwing out theories. i had an...inkling that he was connected to ludinus or just ruidus in general, and i was right in a way.

him being ruby vanguard is devastating but not surprising. it connected so many things that i chose to brush off cause i didn't want to seem paranoid. a specific moment being bor'dor killing the angel of the dawn father. during that scene, the way matt described the look in that angel's eyes as it died did not match the way that bor'dor retold it and i thought i had just...forgotten how the actual scene played out. now that i know, even tho i haven't rewatched that episode, i have a feeling that the hatred and righteous judgement i remembered was the accurate version.

i don't think bor'dor is bad, simply because i have no way to come to that conclusion when i know how easy it is to let fear and pain and anger drive you to vengeance -- the hellians are feeling it too, and i feel deep compassion for them so i feel for bor'dor too.

for all of ludinus' preachy bullshit he never gave me the impression that he gave a single fuck about the people who followed him or about the lives he ruined to accomplish his goal. i don't think bor'dor was some big wig, i think he was just a kid who was vulnerable and powerful and easily coerced. i do not think he is without blame -- his actions with the ruby vanguard have led to incomprehensible repercussions for everyone on exandria and outside of exandria too. (bear in mind, we don't even know how the apple bee's soul cycle has affected the fey realm -- or any other realms for that matter).

i think that there was no way bor'dor could have survived this night with the way it went. i don't think there could have been a moment where he snuck away. if he got a lucky roll, maybe. i don't think bor'dor died because /he/ was an unforgivable monster.

he died because laudna, ashton and orym were at their breaking point and none of them wanted to pull each other from that place of hatred and anger. they've spoken about feeling powerless -- terrified and angry at the situation they were forced into when they truly have nothing to do with ludinus' anger at the gods. orym, especially, has been struggling with his grief and his stubbornness, and this moment will have effects on all of them for these upcoming battles and hardships.

laudna. jesus christ. im so upset that delilah is back. or at least pieces of her are thriving inside laudna, seemingly every time she uses her necrotic magic. for a single moment, she felt delilah's complete control over herself and other people in a situation where laudna had no idea what to do and how to get shit done, and as soon as delilah had nothing left of bor'dor to scavenge off of, laudna was back to feeling weak.

i can't even process the lore drops of ashton's heritage and his father and the history of the hishari and the fact that abadina WAS an hishari ???? they need to go that cursed town soon or im gonna lose it. hell, maybe they're already headed there.

deni$e might say she didn't care whether bor'dor lived or died but i know that isn't true because she was a) the only person who didn't actually hurt him and b) she was trying the entire time to get the others to at least interrogate him. i don't think that would work for multiple reasons. bor'dor was yeeted to kingdom come so bor'dor would likely not have anything useful for them atp, and also bor'dor is absolutely not nearly as important to ludinus as they need him to be.

im gonna miss utkarsh 😭

i think that maybe if bells hells was together, he'd live. but ashton, laudna and orym are too... there's something dangerous about these three being separated from their people. dangerous for themselves mentally and for anyone who stands in their way. i NEED bells hells to be reunited again.

it's sad that the characters with such a strong history of loss and betrayal and abandonment and grief and loss of control would have the traitor amongst them. there is nothing that bor'dor could say that would lessen the pain orym feels having lost his husband and his father, of him and his friends being killed by a cruel, vicious comrade of ludinus', of the tempest being trapped /because/ orym was the one who led her straight into it. the gods are all good and well, but i don't think it will EVER be about the gods for orym. i won't say he's correct or in the right for his narrowed vision and hardened heart. he took that locket for a reason, and throwing it aside is a calculated disposal of that inherently inconvenient empathy orym has for people around him. he can't afford to feel. not now.

[happilysmythe]

❥ 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪

matt poitras.

word count: 3.0k

no warnings

"if you'll have me, i want you" — stephen sanchez

A/N: this fic was anonymously requested! thank you so much! i love mattyp and i was super excited because i got to rewrite an old fic that i wrote about him that i hated...happy reading!

- - -

MATT

“Congrats on the goal, Beech.”

I wrapped an arm around Johnny’s shoulder, giving him a brief pat on the back as I made my way to my stall.

“Thanks, Pots,” he chuckled. “I thought it was a pretty good shot, too. Definitely one of my better goals, anyway.”

“Given that I haven’t exactly seen your other ones, I’ll just have to take your word for it,” I laughed, stepping past him to sit down. I removed my jersey and hung it up, then lifted my padding from my shoulders and above my head. “Doesn’t it feel, like, really good?”

“Feels awesome,” he confirmed with a smile. “I feel like I’ve had so many missed scoring chances. Felt great to actually capitalize on one, y’know?”

“I know. I still can’t believe you missed that shot a few weeks ago,” I nudged his shoulder. “It was practically an open net, dude.”

“I know, I know. But hey, I made up for it, right?”

“Sure did.”

I leaned over and untied my skates, then pulled them off and stowed them away. It wasn’t long before the padding on my knees was on the seat beside me. As I stood up to pack everything away, a familiar face came into view. I extended my hand out to pat his shoulder.

“Congrats, man.”

“Thanks,” Mason smiled, then continued forward.

I picked up the skates and covered the blades, then stored them in my bag, afterward grabbing a towel to wipe my face and hair. Johnny turned to face me again as he removed the laces from his skates.

“You talked to Emery at all?”

Emery.

I met her back in 9th grade. We had a few classes together. A lot of people told us that our friendship seemed to come out of nowhere, but we always used to say it was because of how fast we clicked. We got close fast.

She was always my biggest fan, through and through. Especially when nobody else seemed to be. Through each year of high school, she stuck by my side even when she wasn’t obligated to, and I was always grateful for that. She never doubted me. She was, in complete honesty, one of the reasons I became the player I turned out to be.

When I got drafted, she was over the moon. She even baked a cake that said Future NHL Bruin on it, which I was later told that she decorated herself. Told me she had to teach herself, which resulted in three failed cakes and almost an entire day lost. The thing is, I never could’ve predicted just how soon I’d be playing in the NHL when I was initially drafted. 

I’ve missed her.

Leaving was the hardest part. Because I would now be based in Boston, I knew that saying goodbye to her would be difficult to do. Though it wasn’t going to be forever, it would be a long time before I could visit home to see her again. I would be moving countries and completely uprooting my life for a larger chunk of time than I would’ve liked to think about. Even in the times that I was able to visit home, it was never for long. At least, not long enough.

I lived in a hotel for the beginning of the season, but the Bruins recently made the decision to keep me, so they worked out somewhere for me to stay long-term. That’s when Johnny and I began living together in the North End in Boston. The day that Don Sweeney called me in to tell me that I’d be staying lifted a massive weight off of my shoulders; one that I’d been carrying since the pre-season. Although I’d been kept, it didn’t mean that I wasn’t still trying to make the team.

I remember receiving a text from Emery that day.

hey, matty. i heard you’re staying with the bruins! that’s great. i’m so happy for you. i hope you can visit home soon so i can see you. i miss you.

I’ve kept it in the back of my mind, since. And it wasn’t just because I missed my friend.

It was because I’d grown to feel for her in more ways than one. We started off platonically, but it wasn’t long before I began to notice myself admiring her, feeling comforted by her presence…how, no matter the case, I seemed to always be happy with her. Not to mention the growing urge to kiss her whenever I got as little as a few inches away from her.

So, as anyone could imagine, leaving her was one of the hardest things I had to do.

“Uh, no,” I blinked, snapping out of my thoughts as I turned to face Johnny. “No, I haven’t talked to her.”

Having taken the hint, he nodded and faced forward again, then silently continued to undress.

- - -

EMERY

The simple term “miss” was nothing but an understatement.

I first felt disconnected from Matt when he started playing for the Guelph Storm. Although I saw him less, he was still based close to home, so I couldn’t complain all that much. But this?

This was ten times worse.

Though I refused to let anyone see it, I was hurting. I knew he was happy—I would never and could never take that away from him. And on top of that, I was beyond proud of him, regardless of how disappointed I might have felt. All I’ve ever wanted for him is for him to be successful in doing what he loves, and since he was doing just that, all I could be was happy. 

Still, it didn’t eradicate the pain.

As I sat on my couch, I pulled out my phone, deciding to open and scroll through Twitter mindlessly in the quiet of my living room. Since I’ve ironically loved hockey my whole life, my timeline was filled with it. Notably that night, someone reposted a video from a game that landed about 2 months ago.

Matt’s first NHL goal.

He looked so happy. God, he was. The short clip pushed the memory of him calling me that night to the front of my mind, bringing a disheartened smile to my face as I watched it replay on my screen. I only wished that I didn’t have to see him through a screen as much as I now did, to receive a hug from him just to hold me over. But I couldn’t.

I placed my phone on the couch next to me as I laid back on the cushions, then looked out into the darkness of my living room. My eyes fixated on the entryway as my mind retraced the day that he showed up at my door before he left.

I shot up from the couch as the knock sounded at my door--the noise I’d been anticipating worriedly all day. As the door swung open Matthew came into view, his expression devoid of happiness.

“Hi,” he spoke, lips slightly downturned.

“Hi, Matty.” Stepping away, I motioned my head off to the side. “Come in.”

He walked in and I carefully shut the door, then turned to face my saddened best friend behind me. “I don’t have much time.”

“I know, Matt…I know.” I tightened my lips into a flat line, swallowing the lump that formed before sighing deeply. “How long will you be gone for…?”

“I don’t know. Could be weeks, could be months…Honestly, Em, I really don’t,” he spoke once again, a frown contorting his lips. “I can only say that it’ll be a while.”

A silent nod was all I could muster up, words deciding not to come as easily to me as normal. I sniffed, trying my best to stay strong in what could’ve been the last time I’d see him for the unforeseeable future. If I started to cry, even just slightly, I knew that I wouldn’t stop. So I kept it in, deciding to hold it for just a little while longer until he was gone. “How long until you have to leave?”

“A few minutes, max,” he shrugged. “I just had to say goodbye.”

Unsure of how long it would be until I could do it again, I took a step forward and threw my arms around him, draping them over his shoulders as I pulled him in tightly. He responded instantly, wrapping his around my midsection to do the same. 

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” I breathed, words muffled by his shoulder.

Though my body tried its best to resist, a tear shed, sliding down my cheek and onto the fabric of his shirt. It was bound to happen considering how long I’d been holding it. Keeping it bottled in no longer seemed to be an option. The person that made me happiest was leaving—it wasn’t surprising that I let myself go.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, Matt.”

“It’s okay,” he reassured me softly. “But I have to go.”

“I know,” I croaked out, pulling away. “I know.”

I sniffed, then let out a shaky breath as I fronted a weak smile. I used the back of my hand to wipe the few tears that had fallen against my wishes, then took another breath in an attempt to steady myself momentarily.

“I’m going to call you, and I’m going to text you,” he spoke sincerely, gaze aligning with mine, “and I’m going to make sure that we stay in touch, okay?”

“Okay,” I repeated back to him. “Goodbye, Matt. I’ll miss—”

“Don’t,” he shook his head, hands moving down to take mine and hold them tightly for just a moment. “I’ll see you soon.”

With one final squeeze of my hands, he stepped back and let go, then started for the door. He opened it slowly and stopped for a moment, looking over his shoulder, just enough to see me. He remained silent, displaying a soft expression on his face; a look laced with affection and sadness, but one that brought me as little as an ounce of comfort knowing that he felt the same as I did. 

“I’ll miss you, too,” he whispered, then turned back and walked out, closing the door behind him.

And finally, I broke down.

The same sensation of tears staining my cheeks returned as I snapped back into the present, wiping my cheeks dry with my sleeve before picking up my phone once more. Before I could stop myself, I opened my messages and scrolled down to Matthew’s contact, opening it up and reading over the last message that he’d sent to me. It was at the end of a conversation from the day after he was chosen to stay with the team.

I have to go. I’ll talk to you soon. I miss you

I left the app open, silently holding my phone in front of my face as I continued to read the text over again. I’ll talk to you soon, he said. It’s been almost two months since that day. How far away do you have to stretch from a day to pass soon?

I miss you.

I decided to head off to bed, standing up and making my way to my bedroom. I climbed into bed, then turned on my side and focused my attention on the clock that sat atop the bedside table in front of me. 11 o’clock.

In an attempt to fall asleep, I closed my eyes, but it didn’t work out as I had planned. Something within me was uneasy. I wanted to talk to him.

So I reached over and grabbed my phone, then searched for his contact and called him. It rang once, twice, three times…a few more before the inevitable voicemail played. Dejectedly, I hung up, placing my phone back down in its spot and silently staring at the time once more. For the first time in weeks, I struggled to blink back my tears.

I missed hearing him talk, seeing him. I missed his voice, his smile, his laugh. His corny little jokes that nobody would laugh at and how easily he’d get shy in public. I missed how his hair would blow around when he skated. I missed the way I could talk to him about anything—how he’d listen, comfort me, hold me when I was upset…I missed everything. Every last bit of it.

Because he wasn’t just my best friend; he’d become so much more to me than that. If only I had realized it sooner. Before he left so that I had the chance to tell him. But I didn’t.

So I closed my eyes, a tear softly running down my cheek as I slowly began to drift off.

- - -

When I woke up the next morning, a voicemail had been left for me. Matt called me after I’d already gone to sleep. I took a breath, then reluctantly pressed play.

“Hey, Em. You called before but the game wasn’t over yet. I know it’s too late there now and you’re probably asleep, so I’ll talk to you soon. Miss you.”

As relieving as it was to hear his voice again, the hurt that I felt didn’t subside. Tears pricked at my eyes again as I replayed the voicemail, now clinging on to that silver of communication I had with him.

But it wasn’t enough.

I’d come to realize that the problem wasn’t that we weren’t talking as much—I, as well as he, was prepared for that aspect. The problem was that, regardless of how hard we tried, we simply couldn’t find the time for each other anymore.

That’s what terrified me the most. My relationship with him was slowly fading away, and there weren’t many options left.

- - -

MATT

Another day, another game finished.

Tonight, we played in Toronto. As far as I’ve learned, it’s become common for us to beat them, which admittedly uplifted my mood after we won.

We were close to home, but we wouldn’t be spending enough time there to be able to stray off. Unfortunately, that ruled out any chances of my being able to visit my family or Emery. Aside from that, I was exhausted, so the only place I wanted to be was in bed.

As I took my equipment off, some of the guys did their media, and the locker room slowly began to clear out. Just as I was about to head out, Mason tapped me on the shoulder, prompting my head to turn and shift my attention to him.

“What’s up?”

“They told me to tell you to go next door,” he spoke, head jerking in the direction of the conference room next to us. “Said someone’s waiting for ya.”

“Oh, thanks, man.”

He nodded and walked by as I placed my bag back down in front of my stall, then headed out and towards the room he mentioned. I knocked softly, but there was no response. Although it remained silent, I cracked the door open anyway, deciding to step in and make a check just in case before going back.

When I rounded the corner, I was brought to a halt as my eyes caught sight of the person waiting for me.

Emery.

“Oh, my God.”

My feet carried me toward her, and before I knew it my arms were around her, pulling her in closer. The familiar scent of her perfume clouded my senses, bringing a sense of comfort that I’d been lacking for longer than I would’ve admitted. Tears welled in my eyes, but I blinked them back, not paying them much mind as she finally pulled away to look up at me.

“Hi, Matty,” she smiled brightly.

“What…what are you doing here? I thought—”

“Your parents got me some help,” she laughed. “And your coach…He’s real nice, by the way.”

I laughed back in response, eyes trailing down to the jersey that she was wearing. When she noticed, her body turned to the side, revealing the numbers on her arms.

51.

“Oh, you didn’t,” I marveled, lips parting in a smile as my thumb ran across the lettering on her arm.

“Of course, I did,” she confirmed, turning back forward. “I had to.”

“God, I could kiss you right now,” the words slipped out before I could think, and my eyes widened slightly at the realization.

“Then do it.”

So before I could second guess it, I leaned down and kissed her, wrapping my arms around her waist and holding her gently against me. She reciprocated, smiling softly as her arms found their place around my neck. My lips matched her smile as one hand rose up to brush a strand of hair behind her ear.

She raised to her toes, tilting her head slightly to deepen the kiss before slowly pulling away, looking up with a soft expression. “Matt,” she whispered, eyes beginning to become glassy.

“Hm?” I hummed, reaching for her hand and thumbing the soft skin on the back of it.

“I should’ve just told you before, but I,” she breathed, brows knit together tightly. She took a pause as if she were contemplating whether to continue or not, but ultimately opened her mouth to speak softly again.

“I love you, Matt.”

The initial shock forced my eyebrows to raise, my lips parting as I took her words in. But didn’t take long to wear off before I was smiling down at her just as I was before, basking in the relief that I felt. I knew now that there was more than enough reason to try things with her, just as I’d wanted to do before leaving. If she felt the same, then what was the use in denying it further?

I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, lingering for a moment to savor the scent again before pulling back.

“I love you, too.”

Her arms were thrown around me once more in response and I hugged her back, resting my chin on her forehead, hand rubbing circles on her back. “We’re not losing touch again this time, okay?” I reassured her softly. “We’ll make it work.”

I swallowed thickly and swayed back and forth gently, bringing her along with the slow movements. “I’m not letting that happen again. Ever.”

“Okay,” she nodded, a faint laughter falling from her lips before she pulled away and aligned her gaze with mine. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

[pink-strawberry-kissess]

my re4r analysis  (spoilers for gameplay, story/plot, characters, aeon)

analysis here is without information about separate ways for re4r so please keep that in mind as my opinion may (and will mostly likely) change slightly 

(for my separate ways analysis read here)

gameplay

It very much falls in line with a newer modern interpretation of the series. There’s gameplay that caters to new and old audiences. If you’ve already played re4, you’ll still find re4r enjoyable as well.

the dark and moody look to the game is so well done and overall the visual designs are beautiful and devastating stunning.

there is still a considerable amount of things cut that I don’t think was detrimental to the overall gameplay style. 

the lack of QTEs was a good thing, and the parry system was the perfect way to allow players a new way of playing resident evil games. 

each chapter felt like the right amount of time, and has an amazing amount of replayability.

Because of the open world nature of the game, there are many possibilities to miss things and I’ve seen many people accidentally miss things because they rushed their first playthrough or didn’t bother to check every single little thing.

og re4 players can play on standard or hardcore and still have an INCREDIBLY difficult time finishing the game with a good rank

there’s still a bit of adaptive difficult, if you’re on hardcore and continue dying, it will help you out and switch to assisted if it’s continual deaths. 

story/plot

pacing was very well done, but again, some scenes were removed for a lot of characters and i wish they were still included in some way

the changing of luis was JUST the right about of lore that was needed to flesh out a more cohesive story. why we want to know more about him and why he’s doing what he’s doing. (this also leads to why we need separate ways and how he works with Ada)

a lot of people tend to not read the notes but you are missing a lot of the story that way.

It does feel like a few things are missing, (again maybe it will be better with separate ways) but particularly with krauser I feel like a lot is missing)

I also laughed too hard at the “fight”-xposition (exposition + fight)

there were a few retcons with how the scenarios worked out but i either liked them or felt indifferent about it

characters

leon 

I actually initially disliked the attitude change they gave for Leon. He seemed so rude and distant, even from Ashley. Og re4 he was incredibly sweet to ashley, his voice getting higher and more gentle sounding. Whereas in re4r, Leon just ignores Ashley a lot of the time. He’s cold and it may be a facade he plays to get over the trauma he had gone through.

(Although I do like the scene where Leon comforts Ashley because she’s upset after she “changed” and attacked him. It was the right amount of comfort needed with a bit of humor as well.)

He doesn’t want to feel anything good, maybe he thinks he doesn’t deserve it. It’s a much colder interpretation of Leon (think Vendetta Leon) In the end, I don’t really hate it, but I wish we got to see some sweetness with him. He was nice to Ashley one time, Luis only when he was dying, and Ada when he lets her go after their initial meeting. (It’s the first time he smiles in the game- when he sees Ada.) 

I kinda miss the canonical cheek scar Leon has from og re4 that is still there in re6. I guess this cut is retconned for the newer timeline. 

I’m still a fan of Nick for Leon’s voice but I will say that I much enjoy him as re2r Leon as opposed to re4r. It’s still obviously familiar to me, and although I still think he did decent work, I am still a fan of Matt Mercer for Leon as he was the one I fell in love with first. 

His design is good as well, and I don’t mind the slight alterations. 

Ada

Now a lot of people think that her character has been completely changed and or “ruined,” but I really think that capcom had decided to work on Ada’s “redemption arc” as soon as humanly possible in the canon. 

I do like that she seemed more like a person in this interpretation. She’s not constantly putting on the “Sexy spy lady,” facade. And since a LARGE majority of RE fans outside of aeon stans, still to this day think of Ada as an “evil” woman. I think it’s fine that capcom decided to get her to show more of an emotional side, that she does pine over Leon. And that despite her job, she still tries to help Leon. (but people who play Separate Ways or her re6 campaign, would KNOW that Ada continually and consistently tries to help Leon and save him.)

Even though she had “more screen time” in re4r than in og re4, I do miss the few scenes that were removed with her.

Lily’s expressions for Ada are SO incredibly heartbreaking and oh boy did they push up the angst. 

Lily’s voice for Ada grew on me more and more, she she has a coldness that makes sense for her character’s growth and development. The fact that men were thinking she’s not sexy enough is more of a them problem than anything.

Because Ada’s re4r design is incredibly hot and sexy and I 100% think capcom decided to keep her almost entirely covered with clothing to keep her from being overly sexualized. (And her old outfit didn’t make sense for the cold weather but... I digress.) 

Ashley

I don’t know how they managed to do it but they made her an extremely likeable person. She’s ambitious but scared. Terrified but excited. She’s the perfect self insert :P BUT yes, I do enjoy how they changed her and allowed to somewhat be able to be more capable.

She does “flirt” with Leon a lot but I barely blame her. But her subtle hints at flirting go on deaf ears lol As Leon continually ignores her or rebuffs her statements. And furthermore calls her a kid/young girl twice when talking about her in third person. 

A lot of people still think that Ashley’s just being nice to Leon rather than flirting, which is also fair. We need to have more platonic relationships in games, and the fact that capcom explicitly removed the ability to hold Ashley’s hand because they didn’t want the relationship to be interpreted as romantic says a lot. (I didn’t care much for the removal, but it made the few times that they did hold hands make it seem more friend like rather than romantic, I do agree with that.)

Even towards the end of the game when Ashley asks for Leon for her protective detail, he still turns her down. “You don’t need me.” Rather he encourages her to protect herself. 

I think her AI was a bit dodgy at times, it’s so easy to get her killed. Too easy imo. And having her downed all the time was a bit annoying. Even in good playthroughs that I watched, people lost Ashley after she died over something really stupid.

Luis

WE love love love more lore and backstory. The fact Luis helped to make nemesis??? WOW

His banter with Leon and Ada (god I’m hoping for more in separate ways) is SO SO good, and he’s so flirty and unserious at times, which makes his death so much more upsetting. He’s trying so hard to atone for his sins and even from the beginning we can already see he’s very similar to Ada. Wanting to do good despite all the red in his ledger. he wants to make amends in any way possible. 

Also Luis has smokes later!! Did Ada remember?? Where did he get the smokes from :’)

The switch from Ada to Luis, saving Leon in that fight made me like Luis more, but also a bit sad that this scene was cut from Ada. Especially since capcom has a habit of favoring their male characters as opposed to their women characters.

Jack Krauser

I initially did not like his voice. It just seemed odd to me, but once I had more information on why the actor decided to go that way. it kind of made sense for his character. That he was “silenced,” in some way so that it actually affected his vocals. His rasp that’s not sexy but damaged sounding. 

His design is.. interesting.. I made a point to realize that he looks like a messed up Matt Donovan from TVD, and i can’t unsee that so that’s great LOL

His scenes are a bit lackluster, the only one I really liked was when he showed up after killing Luis.

That man is not straight.

Hunnigan

I do not like that she was basically gone for the entire rest of the game after she loses connection with Leon. She doesn’t even get confirmation at the end of the game if Leon and Ashley are even safe. I felt like they really did her dirty imo.

LOVED her redesign though she is gorgeous 

it’s wesking time

I WANT EVERYONE TO GET OVER THE FACT HE DOESN’T SOUND LIKE WESKER. We (og fans) know that Ada is talking to Wesker at her second? scene, and it would’ve been way too obvious to viewers that it was Wesker if he was like MMRHRHAAHWWW YESSSSS IM WESKERRRRR IT’S WESKING TIME KITTENWHISKERSMEEYAEAAHSSS That bit of his voice is JUST enough for me to still read it as Wesker. And the banter between Wesker and Ada. 

“Don’t come crying to me when you get bit.” “Control your dog.” OH MY GOD. Ada’s, “He’s a good boy, predictable.”

This also removes the whole fight with Ada and Wesker though. “I don’t play by your rules Wesker,” so I don’t really know how I feel about that, but in saying that, this ALSO fleshes out the relationship between Wesker and Ada. The fact that Wesker already knows about Leon and Ada in THAT kind of context makes me WOW.

Did Ada go crying to Wesker about Leon before? OH MY GOD SO GOOD

I also think his redesign is good, tbh most of the redesigns were UP >>>> as opposed to og re4

The Merchant

Every single playthrough I watched, everyone wanted to kill the merchant and found him annoying lol

He kind of grew on me and I do like his voice even though people hated it because it wasn’t a carbon copy from og re4

whatareyabuyin?

The Enemies

I don’t want to go into every single enemy type so 

the ones that scared me the most were Armaduras and the Regeneradors

At some point during the game, the enemies are a bit repetitive but at the end it’s not that much of a complaint since you’re still hit with new enemies a lot. 

I HATE THE BUG ONES even though those are the easiest to kill they just scared me randomly the most

“IF YOU CAN MELEE A BUG- IT’S TOO DAMN BIG.”

aeon

now ever since the game came out people have been asking me my opinions on aeon “do i think the ship is ruined?” etc.

Absolutely not. If anything, it helped the ship. 

OG re series had Leon be this flirtatious, (often times cringe) type of ladies man, where it kind of doesn’t make sense? 

“I’m a one lady type of guy.” Is a complete retcon from og Leon. (This is also since his gf in re2 is retconned in re2r, and his flirting with Hunnigan is also retconned. And he’s outright mean to Ashley a lot in re4r tbh or just ignores her. He’s also a bit rude to Ada (which is actually more justified tbh since he’s angry with her, but he doesn’t have a reason to be mean to Ashley.)

We have to remember that between 1998 and 2004 is 6 years of NO CONTACT FOR THEM. Leon thinks Ada is dead. And he’s had 6 years of trauma, mental anguish and survivors guilt. Which heavily affects Leon and how he interacts with the world. He’s just genuinely a lot meaner. He sees the world as broken still. And when she just shows up alive, he’s allowed to be angry. Instead of having re4 Leon just be like

“Your right hand comes off?” “No THANKS BRO.” He still has some one liners here and there, but he’s not as goofy as fuck anymore. He’s more grounded. (And you’re completely allowed to enjoy re4 more than re4r, that’s an okay opinion to have imo.) I firmly believe that both can still be enjoyed.

Now for Ada we have, is what I believe is what capcom intended for her. She was immediately labeled as “an evil woman,” and nothing else. And capcom wanted to get rid of that idea immediately. “Nothing personal Leon,” she is just doing her job. And in that ending she betrays Wesker as soon as she realizes that he’s going to kill billions of people. She may have a questionable moral compass but ultimately she’ll do what she thinks is better. And she KNOWS THIS. She’s very much the lesser of two evils type when it comes to her work.

“Have you changed Ada?” “What do you think?” She wants her actions to be louder than her words. She never has her finger on the trigger when she first sees Leon. (re2, she never had bullets left in her chamber when she threatened him with her gun) 

She invites him onto the helicopter knowing that Leon would say no. She even has the back up with the keys and bear (thank you capcom for the bear) Capcom clearly wanted to show that Ada still wants him, even in ways that general audiences couldn’t see. (Where as aeon stans who played separate ways, and her re6 campaign, already know that Ada tries to save him whenever she can. Same with Damnation. She warns him and does what she can to get away.)

I think the whole banter of “you owe me,” is simply a way to continue their relationship, that there’s a promise of seeing each other again. 

I’m honestly not the hugest fan of the whole marvel “WE SAID THE THING :D” because true og fans know that separate ways is Ada’s campaign. BUT it serves for the angst. We know that we don’t see aeon on screen till damnation which is another 6 years but the developers have already stated that their lives continued on off screen as well. That’s where we get the re5 off screen “that night.” 

When the developers were remaking the games, they knew that the whole re2 “They fell in love immediately,” and then they said, “that’s not right, there needs to be more interaction first.” Which COMPLETELY goes with where capcom is going with a more realistic interaction of the ship. 

The fact that they flipped the “she’s like a part of me I can’t let go,” to “HE’S like a part of me I can’t let go,” is a BIG change for how capcom is interpreting their relationship and expressing it WAY MORE CLEARLY that Ada is interested. 

A LOT of people still see Ada as someone who doesn’t care about Leon, which is the furthest thing from the truth. The fact that Capcom felt the need to do the reversal really shows that they always intended for the ship to be mutual. That it was merely their lifestyles and jobs that would make it difficult for their relationship to work. Which is what AEON FANS ALWAYS KNEW.

But this is for outsiders, new fans who don’t have all that information. That the slightest bit of a redemption arc, and VISIBLE hurt from Ada from Leon’s “rejection,” is what people needed to see to see that they are still mutually interested in each other. 

Even after receiving the bear keychain, Leon still looks longingly at Ada as she flies away. He doesn’t question her, he simply accepts the fact that their jobs make it so that he can not follow her. 

And reminder again we have 6 YEARS to flesh out what happens next.

Overall, I still very much enjoyed the game, I feel like a few things were missing but not entirely enough so that I felt like parts were missing, more like beats were missing. But again, with separate ways, we’ll maybe get to see more of the other side of the story.

gameplay 8/10

story/plot 9/10

characters 7/10

aeon 8/10

overall 32/40

and as leon said it,

“take it however you like it.”

[kiss-my-freckle]

Full Episode Commentary

1x18: Under Control

"I like my life here in Mystic Falls. Starting to feel like home again."

This is a long one.

This episode opens with Stefan working out. He's trying to distract himself from the blood. Damon offers him blood from a blood bag just as Lexi did back in 1x8. He tells Damon to get it away from him, but doesn't tell him why. "I don't get it. You know, you don't have to kill to survive. That's what blood banks are for." Damon is being completely honest here. He truly doesn't get it. Stefan gets cocky with him when he admits he hasn't hunted human in a long time. "Oh, I'm impressed." Damon's diet is self-serving, and he has no problem admitting when he's being self-serving. He's trying to get the founding families off the trail of vampires, and there's still 19 tomb vampires out in the world. Stefan asks what they're gonna do about those 19 vampires while refusing to drink human blood and ignoring the fact that Frederick nearly killed him. He might as well ask what Damon is gonna do about those 19 vampires lol. Damon continues to question Stefan's issue with blood bags because he has no idea. "Well, what are those holier-than-thou reasons? You know, we never actually discussed this. You know, I'd - I'd love to hear this story." Stefan refuses to tell Damon why he won't drink from blood bags, but had no problem telling Lexi in 1x8. Had he told Damon what he told Lexi, Damon would've dropped the issue and made sure Stefan didn't drink human blood. He just got done telling Stefan that he's trying to get the founding families off the trail of vampires. The last thing he needs is Stefan gorging on human blood. Rather than tell Damon the truth, Stefan lies to his face. "I hate to break it to you Damon, but I actually have it under complete control." As I often say, people tend to pay when Stefan lies.

Damon responds accordingly because he has his own self-control issues. "Well, then you should just carry on, making the rest of us vampires look bad." He leaves his glass of blood behind, then comes back to get it. He's enticing Stefan because he wants to know his issue with blood bags.

This is John's introduction episode. He shows up at the Gilbert residence because he knows the tomb vampires are free. He stays to talk to Jenna about the apothecary office. She wants to sell it to Pearl, but John won't let her. Jeremy and Elena are still minors at this point, so they have no say in the matter. Matt and Elena are at their lockers, talking about John. Hilarious because it's as if they're talking about Damon, that's how much they have in common.

Lasagna seems to be the go-to for grief. Caroline in this episode, Damon after he turns Abby in season 3. Tyler and Jeremy start to connect over their shared loss of Vicki. Jeremy is smart like Damon, so he asks the right questions. The founding families are claiming VIcki's death was an overdose, but no one bothers to bury an overdose. Damon shows up to the council meeting. As I mentioned before, the Salvatores are one of the founding families, and he conned his way in by helping Liz. He arrived in time for Mayor Lockwood to introduce John. Damon's entire response to John is hilarious because you can see just how emotional he gets with the founding families. He questions Liz to get the basics. "Elena's uncle. His name is John, but I call him Jackass." John has Damon worried because, as Damon told Stefan, he's trying to get the founding families off the trail of vampires. Now John is informing the founding families there are vampires within a 75-mile radius of Mystic Falls. Blood banks, break-ins, people gone missing. Mayor Lockwood tells them not to worry. Liz holds the same belief as John... that the vampires are in Mystic Falls. "You think all of your problems are over but I'm here to tell you, nothing's been solved." This was the last thing Damon needed to hear out of John's mouth.

Alaric talks to Elena about Jeremy's extra credit report on vampires. I have a big problem with Elena believing she's protecting her loved ones by keeping their vampire secret. Her own experiences since the pilot episode should've been her biggest clue, but apparently not. Clear to me that she wants Jeremy inviting another vampire into their house because they totally deliver pizza. Lies don't protect people, the truth does. Elena invited vampires into Jeremy's life by having them in her life, no different than Stefan inviting Damon into Elena's life by entering her life. Ah, to be young and naive. Alaric is trying to gauge Elena. "It's not safe for them to know the truth." She's now spitting Stefan's lie. It's safe for her loved ones to know just as it was safe for her to know. Damon and Stefan are the only ones at risk. Alaric drops a truth for the sake of warning her. "I think Stefan is a good guy. But at the end of the day, he's still a vampire." Elena dismisses his warning, which is sad. She's painting Stefan as this special vampire, different from other vampires. One that would never do anything to hurt her. She has it backwards. Stefan is a special vampire, a ripper vampire, and she's gonna find out just how bad he can hurt her. This scene is epic, considering Alaric warns her, and Stefan is the reason she ends up training with him. "Look, I get why you're here. Stefan hurt you. You don't want it to happen again." Alaric's like… what? lol

Elena's naivete is only half the problem. Stefan's secrets and lies are the other half. She wouldn't be this blind otherwise. She's not afraid of Stefan because she loves him blindly. She's terrified of Damon because she loves him with eyes wide open. This is how Elena parallels Rebekah in 3x8.

John is talking to Jeremy about the Founders' Day Kick-off Party. What he's truly working towards, is getting Jeremy to take over the family business of killing vampires. That's what he means by "certain obligations." John has no idea that Jeremy just did an extra credit report on vampires, and he's been hanging out with one. "We used to sleep together." I believe his comment about Jenna is the reason she says what she does to Damon at her barbecue in season 2. "You've never dated you. I have dated many you's." I say this because Damon and John have a lot in common.

This scene Elena has with Stefan gives me certain vibes. She's not protecting her loved ones by keeping their vampire secret. She's protecting Stefan by keeping their vampire secret, and in doing so, she's choosing him over all of her loved ones. It's so refreshing when she starts dating Damon, when her loved ones are able to choose how they protect themselves in knowing their secret. "I'm not saying you should tell him everything, but at least try to find out what he does know and be prepared for it." This is how Stefan continues to lie and keep secrets from Elena, and he's now telling her to do the same with Jeremy. It sickens me that Stefan turned Elena into this thing that would lie to Tyler, Jeremy, and Matt about Vicki's death... and all to protect his vampire secret.

I can't stop laughing over Stelena's makeout scene. I'm quite certain this is why Stefan and Elena lack in the sex department. Not all of Damon's scenes are... solo scenes. Some are written in combination with others to show how the brothers are written opposite each other. Such is the case with the dream Damon gave to Elena in 1x3. Damon is feeding off it.

Stefan is the dangerous vampire that Elena invited into her bedroom. This is what will become of Stelena. That's why Stefan rips into Elena in 3x5.

Damon has yet to fall in love with Elena. imo, what you see in their bedroom scene is his natural, flirtatious personality. A big difference when he actually falls for her. Not only in the way he acts around her, but in the way he looks at her. If he were in love with Elena in this scene, he would've stayed in her bedroom as long as he could for the sake of her company.

"You ask, I come. I'm easy like that." Damon is such a slut for Elena, even before he falls in love with her, and I'm all for it. "No, Elena, I will not go to your bedroom with you." This comment is similar to 3x19. He wants it to be known that Elena invited him into her bedroom, he didn't invite himself. For the same reason he wanted it to be known Elena wanted the motel room. "For the record, she's the one who wanted to stay in a motel, not me." It's her choice, so it's up to Stefan to confront her about it or deal with it.

When he speaks to Elena about John hanging out with the council, he's being a total girl and speaking like a gossip. lt's... adorable. He asks what happened to the corner of her bedroom. imo, it's not that he doesn't know, its that he's hoping she'll tell him. Knowing what happened and hearing it from her mouth are two different things. Like 3x2, he already knows what changed her mind, but he wants to hear her say it. This is one of the ways in which he changes Elena. He gets her comfortable enough to talk about uncomfortable subjects.

"Ah, just like I remember." Damon admits to Elena that he's been in her bedroom before, that's how honest he is with her. Like I said, he feeds off the dream he gave her in 1x3. Click for larger view...

The teddy bear.

The bra.

The photo.

"Well, he doesn't want to be me."

"That doesn't mean that deep down that he's not."

Most of their dialogues fit to both brothers, but fans need to view tthem in the opposite AND accept the realites they show in their opposites. It's Stefan's vamiprism vs Damon's humanity, the better vampire vs the better man.

"Well, maybe his problem is that he has spent too long not being himself."

Damon is being honest. Stefan spent too long not drinking human blood when it's their basic nature, so he spent too long not being himself. Damon hasn't been himself since 1864 because loving Katherine ruined him.

"It is what it is, Elena. The Stefan you know was Good Behavior Stefan. Rein It In Stefan. Fight Against His Nature To An Annoying Excessive Level Stefan. But if you think there isn't another part to this, then you have not been paying attention."

The Damon you know was Bad Behavior Damon. Lashing Out Damon. Give Into His Nature Because He's A Monster Damon. But if you think there isn't another part to this, then you have not been paying attention. This has its parallel in 1x19...

Elena: He's not you, not even close. Damon: Well, he doesn't want to be me. That doesn't mean that deep down that he's not.

Damon doesn't want to be Stefan. That doesn't mean that deep down that he's not. You see Damon's side of this play out in their 3x4 argument.

Elena: I guess I wish that you didn't have to act like one! Damon: I am not Stefan. How about you stop trying to turn me into him?

Elena is so blind, she won't see the whole of them until season 3. Even then, she's still blind to certain aspects. That's one of the good things about Elena becoming a vampire. It opens her eyes and allows her to see things she never would've seen had she remained human. Experiencing the bloodlust, the magnified emotions, the loss of control for herself… stepping into their shoes is the best way for Elena to see them.

"That doesn't mean that deep down that he's not."

"Somewhere deep down in that part of you where Elena is still buried."

The heart of me. This scene is best viewed alongside Delena's Miss Mystic Falls dance. 1x18 is Stefan's heart, 1x19 is Damon's haert. Damon doesn't just talk and listen. He's a snooper, and very tactile. I consider this entire scene a "near touch" scene that goes along with their "near touch" dance. "Men snoop too, you know." He's not only getting to know Elena by snooping, he's connecting to her on a different level. He's touching her without touching her by touching things that belong to her.

Damon is always intentional with intimate distance. Whenever he gets close to someone like he does in this scene, it's best to listen to what he says because he's a "show and tell" person. He shows with his body and tells with his words. That's why Elena looks down at his heart in both scenes. In 1x18, he's showing her that Stefan is just like him. In 1x19, he's showing her that he is just like Stefan. Paying attention is important in communication. Intimate distance helps in that regard. Damon gets so close to Elena that she has no choice but pay attention. The sum of all this needs to be carried over into 1x19 because the dance isn't just Damon's signature moment, it's also the moment he knows he can take Elena away from Stefan.

Stefan is still trying to distract himself from the blood. He pulls a book off the shelf, then tosses it back on the shelf. This insane struggle he's going through, he's going through because he lied to Damon and he's trying to deal on his own... alone. He reaches for alohol, which helps them curb the cravings. Lexi admitted this to Elena in 1x8. "But makes for a lot of lushy vamps."

Elena decides to take Jeremy for a walk for the sake of pulling a dual conversation. She tells him that she was adopted. A beautiful moment because adoption shouldn't change how people feel about each other. Jeremy is still her brother and Elena is still his sister. She then shifts to the extra credit report Jeremy wrote for Alaric. She's checking to see what he knows about vampires. The Salvatores show up at the founders' party, and you can actually feel the difference in Damon. "Come on, don't be a downer. It's a party for the founding families, that would be us. It would be rude to skip it." This is what Damon feeling at home sounds like. "We are who we are Stefan." This is what Damon meant when he told Elena, "It is what it is." They can't change who they are, and they are what they are. Damon tells Stefan it's inevitable that he'll give into his blood cravings. Because it is. Damon falls off the blood bag diet too, but he's different in the fact that he can feed without killing. This is something Sage helped him with. Kelly is like Vicki in the fact that people treat them like trash, so they never felt like part of the community. Matt and Tyler take off to get drunk because they're mourning Vicki, while Stefan is still drinking to curb his cravings for human blood. This scene is what "lushy" looks like.

The saddest reality I've ever heard, Elena needing to beg Stefan to dance with her. Elena knows that Stefan is using compulsion to change the music. Her comment to Kelly shows she's a quick study. She's using alternate meanings, which is something she picked up from Damon. Stefan is not fun, and they make this clear with repetition. Damon is the fun brother. Stefan having fun means that no one is safe. Best to listen to Klaus and Rebekah talk about how much fun they had with him in the 20s. Trust the concept. Stefan is boring because he needs to be. Boring Stefan is safe Stefan. That's what it means for Damon to be the fun brother and Stefan to be the safe brother. This concept continues even in their dress scene in 4x7. Wear the red because blue is safe and safe is boring. Damon is smiling his ass off because it's been a while since he's seen Stefan truly have fun. "Eventually. One way or another." This comment works in combination with his previous comment. There are two sides to Stefan. He's gonna be fine whether he's Stefan or Ripper Stefan. Damon won't let anything happen to his brother. Matt pulls Elena on the floor to dance, while Damon speaks to Liz. He loves seeing her outside of her sheriff's uniform. "I like my life here in Mystic Falls. Starting to feel like home again." He's being honest here, that's why he has a problem with Pearl. Jeremy interrupts their conversation with questions about Vicki's death. The same "smart" questions he was asking Tyler. As I said before, he's smart like Damon, so Damon feels threatened by his questions. It certainly doesn't help that Damon is the one that buried Vicki's body lol. He has no idea that Jeremy knows about vampires because of Anna, so he's just as blind as Elena is. Stefan gets rough with a guy on the dance floor because he was rude to Elena. He compels him to apologize to her. I feel it's important to note that I don't like this scene for the same reason I didn't like Stefan verbally attacking Mr. Tanner. Stefan is treating Elena like this fragile little thing that's incapable of taking care of herself. The man got rude with her, so what. Elena can totally speak up for herself. Then Stefan's like, "You alright?" Uhm… what?! He acts like the man physically assaulted her.

Damon and Elena join up for a beautiful rose scene. View this in combination with 1x7 as she wears blood red lipstick. Damon is venting his fear of Jeremy's questions, which pushes the issue further because Elena already talked to Jeremy about his extra credit report on vampires.

Damon kills John and attacks Bill in 3x4 because the Forbes and the Gilberts are founding families, and founding families are vampire killers. Humanity… Damon is just as much driven by fear as he is by rage, love, and every other emotion you can think of. And yes, his emotions make him impulsive. While the Salvatores are founding family, Damon and Stefan are vampires. It's one thing for a vampire killer to admit knowing they're vampires, and another for a vampire killer to admit knowing they're vampires and have no problem with them staying in Mystic Falls. Damon just got done telling Liz that Mystic Falls is starting to feel like home again, now he has reason to fear John taking that from him AND taking his life. But this isn't just about Damon, this is about Stefan. Damon won't let anything happen to his brother, and he just got done watching Stefan have fun... dancing his drunk ass off. That's why you get this impulsive kill. It's out of fear. Damon knew he couldn't compel John because they're not only privy to vervain and its use, Damon has been supplying the council with it... so killing John it is.

"Whatever it was, she's gone now." Elena slips up while talking to Jeremy because she's not a liar like Stefan. "Why aren't you looking at me?" Again, she's not a liar like Stefan. "The truth is the only thing that's gonna help people to move on." The truth is everything. Not just Vicki's truth, all truths. Lies and secrets rip people apart, and they're extremely dangerous in a supernatural world. "That's what I hate… is I can't make any of it right." Refer to Stefan in 1x5, and you'll see his parallel with Tyler. Matt and Elena catch Tyler and Kelly making out. Tyler is literally making out with his best friend's mother. They start fighting and Kelly goes flying. It's to the extent that Alaric has to intervene. Don't get me wrong, fighting is normal, but Alaric has Damon-like intuition in this scene. He's picking up on something more with Tyler. He sees an uncontrollable rage. The same kind of uncontrollable rage you see with Damon. Mayor Lockwood interrupts as Alaric is questioning Tyler. The werewolf gene runs in the men in their family, so Mayor Lockwood is interrupting to keep their secret.

"You ask, I come. I'm easy like that."

"Do you want to hear how the council is back in vampire mode, or how I just killed Uncle John Gilbert? Great party by the way, huh?" Again, this is what Damon feeling at home sounds like lol. Damon turns and walks away. Stefan starts to chase after him to get more information, but lol… Kelly's blood makes him do a full-stop, like it's calling for him to come. He's then listening to her heart pumping blood. This scene is best viewed alongside Stefan's scene with Elena in 3x5… in that moment when he tells Elena he can hear her heart pumping blood and she's bleeding just like Kelly is. "I ruined it, I always ruin it. What is wrong with me?" Ruin is an ongoing theme in the show. "When I'm with him, it just consumes me." Physical heart for Stefan, written in blood. He's fingering Kelly's forehead, then licking her blood from his fingers. Emotional heart for Damon, so you see the truth of his women. For Elena, it's her love. For Kelly, it's her lust. So... Ripper Stefan or man-slut Damon?

Damon's face goes white when John walks back into the party. One thing I've noticed about Damon… he's quick to pick up on jewelry. Vervain in Elena's necklace in 1x3. Jeremy not wearing his vervain bracelet in 3x10. In this episode, I think he knows John is wearing a Gilbert ring before he even sees it. "Who gave birth to Elena, under the medical care of the esteemed DR Grayson Gilbert, John's brother." Damon realizes John's connection, no need for a DNA test. Elena is adopted and Isobel is her mother. This line plays out in 1x21.

Stefan runs into the guy he got rough with on the dance floor. When he compelled the man to apologize, he wasn't specific. He didn't compel the man to apologize to Elena, he simply compelled him to apologize. That's why the man is apologizing over and over again. I honesty believe he's been apologizing to people all night, and he's annoyed at this point, so he purposefully bumps into Stefan. "No girl to show off for now? I see how this is." Now there's some honesty lol… Stefan did the same thing with Mr. Tanner. He acts like Elena can't speak up for herself, which is controlling and fosters dependence. The man tries to punch him, but Stefan catches his fist and breaks it. You can literally hear his bones crunching. Jeremy sneaks into Elena's room and reads her journal. Stefan is standing over the man when Elena walks outside. He vamp-speeds away before she can talk to him. Mayor Lockwood slaps the hell out of Tyler. This is a difficult situation to comment. Mayor Lockwood hasn't triggered his werewolf gene, so he's just as violent and full of rage as Tyler. It's in this werewolf violence that it's domestic violence. Tyler has no idea that he and his father are werewolves, and his father is hitting him without explanation. "Because you knowing this is dangerous for so many reasons. You can hate me, but I need you to trust me." This is a comment best suited for Tyler, not Elena. That's why Tyler hates his father, and admits this in 2x1. Matt is packing his mother's things. Making out with Tyler was the last straw for him. "Mom! Don't you get it? I'm better off without you." Lexi said the same about Damon… that Stefan is better off without him. Had Elena given up on Damon, he'd probably be dead just like Matt's mother. Far better to be patient and understanding.

Damon and Alaric confront John because he's wearing a Gilbert ring, so they know he's connected to Isobel. John isn't afraid of Damon because he put protocols in place. Damon basically drains every bit of information he can from John. Information is leverage that can be used at any time. Such is the case with his knowledge that John is Elena's father. That's why Damon is asking, asking, asking. He wants to know everything he can.

Stefan is so dishonest that he compounds his lies. Even his omissions, which are lies. He only tells Elena about the man in the parking lot because he knows Elena saw him. If not for Elena seeing him, he would've kept that from her. "I'm sorry that I ran off earlier." He then lies by omission by skipping over what he did to the blood on his hand, and he does this by shifting to the man in the parking lot. He then speaks of the man and completely disregards Kelly even though he wanted to feed on her all the same. Elena asks if he did, and he says no. This is another lie by omission. Elena has no idea that Stefan was so desperate to taste human blood that he fingered Kelly's bloody forehead, then took off to taste her blood in secret. It's all about the man in the parking lot, Elena. "And all I keep thinking about is how I promised that I would never keep anything from you, and so I'm telling you this." This is what compounding a lie looks like. He'd never keep anything from her, and yet, she still has no idea that he licked Kelly's blood from his fingers. "But I don't want you to see me like this, I don't want you to know that this side of me exists." This is another dialogue that works for both brothers. Damon hides his humanity because it's a vampire's greatest weakness. "I have this hunger inside of me that I've never felt before in my entire life." This comment of Stefan's is Damon's 6x22 soundtrack. The one he and Elena dance to. Damon is back by the fire, mourning Katherine because John just told him he's the one who sent Isobel.

Physical heart, emotional heart... Stefan vs Damon.

"It's different this time, isn't it? The need is too strong. Of course it would be after all these years."

Damon's signature moment. 1x19 is gonna be so much fun.

[senditcolton]

“Lead Me to the Garden” Chai Cookies ❀ edelweiss (courage, devotion) — “touch them again and i promise, it will be the last thing you ever do.” + Mat Martin -cellythefloshie

ugh, a perfect match the energy this man gives off. i hope you don't mind that i used this request as a chapter 2.5 of the "We're a Bad Idea" series (i also slightly changed the wording of the prompt to make it hit more) @cellythefloshie

word count: 1.8k

You were out drinking again.

It was a common situation, one that you enjoyed a little too much if you were being honest. But it was different because this time, you weren’t with your brother and his teammates. You were with your best friends from university who had come to visit you in the city. And you hadn’t realized how much you missed them until now.

So many of your nights were spent being a different person for someone else, someone you weren’t even sure wanted you the same way you wanted him. Tonight, you were you. Unapologetically you.

It was refreshing.

But you couldn’t stop Matt Martin from being on your mind.

“Hey, can I ask you guys for advice?” you shout over the music, your three friends turning to look at you.

“Of course you can. Is that even a question?” your friend McCaela replies, leaning her elbows on the table and giving you her undivided attention, Hayden and Taylor following her lead to look over to you. Their eyes make you slightly nervous but you know they will be honest with you and that’s what you need right now. So, you take a deep breath before continuing.

“I’ve been seeing this guy and I like him but I’m not sure if he feels same way. What should I do?”

“Well, what do you mean by seeing? Like, is it talking? A few dates? A booty call?” Hayden asks.

“It’s… complicated,” you try to explain but a scoff from Taylor’s mouth stops you.

“Do not say that because I’m just going to tell you to dump this boy’s ass. It shouldn’t be complicated babe. Either he wants you or he doesn’t.”

“No, like, let me explain: we have these days that feel like they’re dates. Like exploring the city and having fun just hanging out. But then there’s days where he’s so distant. And I get why he’s distant because of our situation but it still feels weird.”

“What situation?” McCaela questions before you see her face morph into horror. “Are you sleeping with a married man?”

“Oh my god, no!”

“Then what is this ‘situation’ where he needs to be distant.”

“He’s my brother’s teammate alright? And my brother would freak if he knew.”

“So – wait – this dude is afraid of your brother? That’s why he’s distant?” Taylor speaks again, one eyebrow raising in question.

“That plus he’s a little older than I am.”

“Oh, that makes it even fucking worse actually,” Taylor says, taking another hearty sip of their drink.

“How is that worse?”

“Babe, he is a grown ass man. And yet he’s… what? Keeping you like a dirty little secret? That’s gross.”

“He’s not like that.”

“Oh really?”

“Taylor, you’re being a little harsh, don’t you think?” Hayden says, their incredulous tone lifting over the music.

“Well, hang on. I’m willing to admit I might be wrong but let me just make a guess about why you feel the way you do,” Taylor says before scooting closer to your, angling their body to face you directly and their blue eyes staring so far into your soul that you were slightly terrified they could see the truth so plainly written on your heart.

“This man…” they start and you are terrified of the next words to come out of their mouth. “The reason you are confused about how he feels about you is because he says these things that make you think that he wants you. Or wants something more. But… he only ever says these things to you when you’re fucking. And he doesn’t say them to you in the daylight, in public, whatever. Am I close?”

 You had to try and prevent your jaw from going slack at their completely accurate representation of the situationship that defined you and Matt. Because, it was true.

“How the fuck did you know?” you whisper and you hate the way Taylor’s mouth twists in a sort of satisfied disgust as they turn back to their drink.

“That’s not a man. That’s a bitch-ass baby and you should dump him.”

“But, I really like him.”

“It’s not worth it babe,” they continue, shooting you a quick glance. “Trust me.”

You let Taylor’s words sink into you and you chew over them in your mind. You always equated Matt Martin to a bad idea, to a drug. But you never fully understood why you attached that metaphor to him.

He was changing you and you knew that if you kept letting him in, he would permanently alter you.

And that’s not what you did to the people you cared for.

But like any good drug, it felt impossible to quit him.

“Can we focus on something else?” you ask, the truth nagging in your brain. But you weren’t sure that you were ready to face it. At least not tonight.

“Of course.” It’s Hayden that says that, their hand coming over to gently grab your forearm in encouragement. “Let’s just have fun tonight, yeah? Just like old times.”

You take a deep breath and nod, putting on your best smile before McCaela orders a few green tea shots for the table. And as you let the alcohol slide down your throat, you let your worries slide off your mind with it. You wanted to forget for a little bit: forget about your worries, forget about the hole that you dug yourself into all those months ago.

When you decided to go after that stupid crush you had and fell straight down into this pit you weren’t sure how to lift yourself out of.

But that was then and you wanted to focus on now.

Once you shook off the lingering anxieties, you started to relax. You started to have fun. You started to come back to yourself. The spirits were flowing, both literally and metaphorically, and you couldn’t remember the last time you felt surer and more confident of yourself.

So, when a cute stranger slides up to you while you’re sitting at the bar waiting for your next drink, you don’t dismiss his advances. He engages you in a conversation that is suggestive without being creepy and you start to feel the temptation of taking him home at the end of the night.  

And for the first time in a while, you didn’t feel the weird pang of guilt. There was no need for the voice in your mind to try and persuade you that this was okay because you and Matt Martin weren’t really together.

Because you weren’t together. Period. Matt Martin was someone you occasionally fucked. He had done nothing to prove to you that he wanted anything more.

Like Taylor said, if he wanted to, he would. But he didn’t.

So, when the handsome stranger – Camden – starts to get bolder, his knees knocking against yours, you felt the thrill of being so blatantly desired and it was intoxicating. It was something you didn’t know you were missing. And when Camden reaches his hand over to rest on your upper thigh, the desire ratcheted up to another level.

But it was quickly squashed when a strong hand came down on Camden’s bicep, tearing his hand from your skin and your eyes dart over. Only to have the butterflies erupt in your stomach when you see Matt standing there in his black leather jacket, looking every bit like his on-ice stereotype.

“Touch my girl like that again and I promise, it will be the last thing you ever do,” he says, his voice like steel and when Camden looks behind him to see the large body of Matt, he doesn’t put up a fight. He just slips out of his barstool wordlessly and Matt takes great pleasure in occupying the now vacant spot.

“What the fuck was that about Matt?” you ask, the alcohol in your veins making your bold words fall as you watch Camden disappear into the crowd.

“What? Were you going to take him home?” he asks and that infuriating condescending tone did nothing but add fuel to the fire.

“I might’ve. Why is that any of your business?”

“I thought we had established that no one could please you like me,” Matt says, his body leaning forward, his hands coming to rest on the top of your thighs and you hate the way your body involuntarily craves his touch. His voice deeps lower and the sultry timbre makes your heart pound.

“Remind me how many times I can make you cum. Or did you forget?”

If this was any other night, you would’ve folded easily, his intoxicating energy pulling you in. But tonight was different. Your friends had reminded who you were, who you discovered yourself to be at university. And you loved that person. You weren’t going to let Matt Martin take that away from you. So, when you shove his hands off your thighs, you can’t stop the thrill in your heart at the expression of shock that flickers over his features.

“And that makes you entitled to me somehow?” you scoff. “I’m yours because you can make me cum? If that was the case then I’d still be with this boy Sean who I slept with second year of university.” 

“You’re mine because no one else makes you feel the way I do,” he attests, his voice hard and determined. You return his statement with another scoff.

“And do you want to know how you make me feel right now, Matt? Angry. And I’m going home.”

You slide out of your seat in a rage, grabbing your purse and quickly texting your friends, making up an excuse about some emergency, promising that you’ll hang out again before they leave. You feel sorry for ditching them like this but you knew you couldn’t spend another moment in that bar when he was there.

Matt Martin made you feel… everything. Desire, rage, happiness, excitement, comfort. Everything. And it was that whiplash of emotions that kept you tethered to him. Because every emotion he pulled from you felt like it was going to drown you. But it seemed that those depths were just shallow tide pools to him.

And you needed to draw the line. Not one in the sand that he could easily shift and move and change. But a solid line, one in concrete that he needed to step over or walk away from.

You were done playing games. You were done with him calling you his and doing nothing to make you feel like it wasn’t just another pretty practiced set of words. You were done with Matt Martin. You swear you were.

Hey, I’m sorry for the way I acted last night. It was wrong to try and control you like that. I promise I’ll make it up to you. Brunch at Sanfords? Message received on March 23rd at 11:09am

 Can you pick me up? Message sent on March 23rd at 11:35am

Be there in 20. Message received on March 23rd at 11:37am