#did they all deactivate??? strange. time mystical time I guess

[boyapologist]

why did you guys had to like that damn post about patbri. I just went through a 2020 spiral

[disrepairhouse]

::Return - Chapter 19

“So how do we find this base, then?” Shadow questioned, looking towards the sprawling city skyline before them.  Metropolis was a strange view to Itara.  It was entirely different than the one in her world, not only because it was crawling with badniks of every size, but even the layout and overall image were different.  Towering skyscrapers, rails lining the sky in every which way, a horizon that seemed to go on forever.  She shook her head to refocus and consider Shadow’s question.

“I’m… not sure.  Where are Robotnik’s closest bases that you know of?  There’s a possibility they may be connected.”

“Mystic Jungle, as far as I’m aware.  Were there no files about it in the database?”

“Not that I saw, no.  The base under Metropolis was apparently a well-kept secret.”  Mystic Jungle was a good distance from the city. Even if the base did connect to the one under the city, it would likely be attached to a lot of huge, winding tunnel systems they didn’t have time to go bumbling through.  “If I were Robotnik, where would I hide a secret base under a city?”

“In plain sight.”

Itara looked up at him, her brows furrowing, as she studied the city again.  It had a number of sky-high towers and buildings but there was definitely a center to it all.  The tallest tower.  Now that Shadow mentioned it, that should have been obvious.  “We’re going to need to be careful not to draw attention, which means we should avoid as many fights as possible.  Too many destroyed badniks will get Robotnik’s attention, even with the diversion in Green Hill.  Not to mention Infinite.  It’s possible he’s already in the city, as is.  We don’t want them to know we know about the base before we get there.”

Shadow grunted at the idea of not being able to destroy everything in sight, but nodded after his brief complaint.  “Then I suggest you keep up.”  Before they could discuss any further action, he was off and headed into the city, leaving a briefly fumbling Itara behind.  How did he expect her to keep up with that speed?!  Frowning, she looked down at the mock rocket shoes, wincing as she recalled the many incidents in Chemical Plant.  Well, the cityscape was at least flat.  With a deep breath to calm herself, she used her powers to hover before clicking the activation button she’d accidentally found before and was immediately sent sprawling after him.  It took a great amount of flustering about and near misses, but eventually she managed to wrangle the shoes’ speed into something manageable and at least keep Shadow within sight.

The route through the city was often side-tracked by roves of badniks in their attempt to avoid fights.  Every so often they’d realize a moment too late that their path was completely blocked and Shadow would have to cleave a path through before Itara barreled into them.  Though, more than once, she had to disappear into a shadow to avoid getting caught up in the ensuing battle as she was nowhere near fluid enough to redirect her path in time.  However, by the time she would reappear on the other side, Shadow had already made his way through and they could continue on.

Messages from the rest of the team came in every so often to update them about the status of the plan.  Zero was doing a fine job keeping Robotnik busy in Green Hill – and was likely having fun with it, if Itara had to guess.  Sonic and Tails were in Chemical Plant and headed to the database again.  Meanwhile, Team Chaotix and Silver were on their way out to the Death Egg and were otherwise unimpeded.  So far, all was going as planned.  In the same vein, she and Shadow were nearing the tower and the closer they got, the more they realized there was absolutely no question that it was the entrance to the hidden base.  Not only did it look like something Robotnik would hide a lab under in design alone, but it was crawling with heavy security bots.  But at least there was no sign of either the doctor or his newest weapon yet.

Itara realized they wouldn’t be able to brute force their way through the security line without alerting Robotnik to their presence, as much as Shadow insisted otherwise, and stopped them just out of sight of the tower.  “Even if you somehow manage to take out the bots before they could alert him, he’s going to have cameras everywhere.  Likely set to inform him immediately if anything goes haywire.”

“I can take care of cameras,” Shadow insisted again, frustrated with the delay.

“If we take them out, he’ll notice,” Itara growled and studied the bots.  “I could deactivate some of the robots no problem but I don’t know how to get inside once we get past them.”  She shifted her backpack off and pulled her notebook out to search through it for any hints of the right path.  There were a few notes about which paths specifically did not work, but there were a lot of illegible scribbles afterwards.  She didn’t know if they were mindless scribbles, since she sometimes did that when she zoned out, or if it meant something else.  She’d grown increasingly wary about the illegible pages as of late.  “Can you use Chaos Control to get through unseen?” she finally questioned, looking up at him again.

“Most likely.”

“I suppose that’s our best bet then,” she stated, putting the notebook away and pulling her bag back on, “so I’ll go through and deactivate the nearest most robots and meet you inside.  Try not to get caught.”

Shadow scoffed but gave a curt nod and Itara nodded in response.  Once she pointed out exactly which path to take and which robots she would take out, she vanished into a shadow again.  A deep purple mist swirled out from the darkness and whipped around and through the bots Itara had pointed out, shorting them as it passed through, and continued on through the walls of the tower.  Itara reappeared, solidified and shaking her head, just behind the door. Shadow appeared beside her and the two scanned the desolate entrance of the building.  Itara put a finger up to her lips, just to be sure, and motioned towards an elevator door.  Shadow followed suit, after silencing his communicator, and the two continued their search for the base entrance, remaining cautious to cameras and sensors.

They were cut off from the others for the time being and couldn’t check in with progress, but Itara warned them about this ahead of time. Unfortunately, there weren’t many alternatives to keep in contact so they would be entirely on their own from this point forward until they found the main power switch.  Only then could they reactivate the communicator to make sure they switched it off at the right time.  First, though, they would need to find it and that required avoiding any and all detection.

Luckily, their path to the lab itself was easy enough to find. Apparently Robotnik never expected anyone but him and his lackies to use this building as the elevator had a ‘basement lab’ button right on the panel.  The two exchanged brief glances at the sight of it, but pressed the button and waited as the elevator closed and moved down.  The ride down was silent and the air tense as they didn’t know what awaited them at the bottom.  They expected more security bots and could only hope they weren’t immediately off the elevator.  Though, just to be sure, once they neared the bottom floor, they pressed against the side walls to wait for the doors to open.  Itara gave her notebook another quick glance for warnings but found a drawn map of the lab, instead.  Convenient. It had been a while since the journal had been this useful.

The elevator dinged, the doors opened, and Itara and Shadow pressed their backs further against the wall.  When there was no immediate reaction from the outside room, Shadow moved cautiously to look around the corner and motioned to her that it was safe to move forward.  With a nod, they exited into the open ‘office’ that led to the rest of the lab. Shadow motioned to a camera pointed towards the center of the room, moving around underneath it to stay out of its view while Itara held the drawn map of the lab up to him.  He eyed her suspiciously at first, but eventually nodded and led the way around the edges of the room to the door they needed.

They waited for the camera to pan away just enough to slip through the door and into the long hallway behind it.  Another thorough study of the hallway and the door behind them suggested they were likely safe to talk again and Itara explained quietly, “There are two rooms circled on the map but I don’t know which one is which. Should we split off or stay together?”

“Stay together.  I have the communicator and we’ll need to check in with the others before flipping it off.”

“Right.  Good point. Then we should head to the closest room first.  Though I’m not sure why there are two to begin with.  Maybe the power switches are in separate areas?”

“I suppose we’ll find out soon enough.”

Itara nodded and they went silent again as they reached the end of the first hall.  The room behind it was a larger, more open lab space with all manner of machinery inside. It was there they ran into the first of the security bots but luckily, with so many large machines, it was easy to keep out of their sight and detection.  As badly as Itara could tell Shadow wanted to fight, she was happy he didn’t because, just like the robots, she had no hope of stopping him if he tried. Following the drawn map, they continued through a far door to another hallway, though this one was shorter and led to several more doors, some of which needed passcodes to enter.

Itara looked to her notebook for the code but frowned when she saw nothing of the sort.  “Should we try the other one first then and come back to this one?”

“There’s a reason it’s locked,” was Shadow’s only response as he studied the keypad.

Itara’s brow furrowed but straightened back up and nodded, handing the journal to him.  Once he took it, she headed back to the other room, saying nothing.  Before long, however, the door slid open with a rematerializing Itara grinning up at him behind it.  He eyed her but continued through, handing the journal back.  She followed after him but they both stopped short and realized, right away, why the door had been locked.  Itara’s eyes widened in shock while Shadow’s narrowed furiously.

“Are those…?” she questioned, turning back to him, pointing towards the seven glowing gems floating behind a thick glass inside a massive machine.

“The Chaos Emeralds,” Shadow confirmed, taking a step towards them.  Itara stopped him short.

“Wait,” when he scowled back at her, she threw her hands up, “If we grab those, it will absolutely alert Robotnik.  We have to wait until we power the generator down first.”

“What does it matter if he knows, if I have the Chaos Emeralds?” Shadow scoffed.

“Normally, I’d agree, but think about it.  Robotnik’s apparently had them this entire time and your Robotnik is weirdly prepared.  You don’t think he has a ton of safety measures in place to keep something like this protected?  Especially considering, if I had to take a guess, this is likely the real source of power for the Phantom Ruby.  That’s why it wasn’t in the files, Robotnik didn’t want to even chance you finding out about this.  We’ll have a better chance of getting them out of here safely if we power the base down first and then come back to get them, when we’re sure Infinite’s other source of power has been taken out, as well.”

Shadow fumed at the idea, struggling with a decision, scowling up at the machine before growling and turning around, snapping, “Fine.  Then let’s hurry and get to that power source.”

Itara sighed, half in annoyance, half in relief when he turned away, but didn’t follow after him right away.  “Though, maybe it would be better to have one of us wait here with them, just in case.”  Shadow stopped and glared back at her as she frowned, “Not that there’s a whole lot I could do in terms of a fight, but the Phantom Ruby’s power doesn’t seem to affect me. I could possibly delay Infinite if he turned up until you can get to the power switch.”  She looked towards her journal for a hint about what to do, but it was all illegible scribbling after the map.

They debated the idea for a much shorter moment than Itara would have liked as Shadow turned on his heel and stormed back over to the machine and the emeralds.  She watched in horror and confusion as he aimed a boosted kick right for the glass… and his leg simply phased through the entire area – glass, machine, and emeralds. A knot twisted in her gut as the machine and emeralds wavered and exploded into the red and black squares, vanishing.  A deep laugh echoed around the room as the knot in her stomach dropped.

The entire room wavered and shifted as Shadow readjusted himself and moved into an offensive position, scanning the room.  He tossed an accusatory glare towards her, though she could only watch him in confusion.  “You knew.”  His tone was biting and dangerous and caused Itara to shrink back in shock.

“What?!  No!  I didn’t!”

The room went dark, the empty room revealing itself, as Shadow squared up and faced her with a burning fury, “You said the Phantom Ruby’s power doesn’t affect you.  You would have seen through an illusion.”

“No!  I can’t- I don’t- I didn’t!” Itara panicked, taking a step back when he neared, throwing her hands up in defense, “I swear!  I didn’t!”

“I knew you couldn’t be trusted,” Shadow hissed, readying an attack when the source of the illusion finally showed himself, floating above them.

“Well, well, what do we have here?” Infinite mused, “Not-so-tall, dark, and brooding and the trembling child.  This world truly is disappointing.”

Shadow put distance between him and both Infinite and Itara, spines bristled in fury at the trap while Itara only stared up at Infinite in horror and panic.  Not only did she not want Shadow to think she’d led him into the trap, but she hadn’t expected Infinite to be there at all.  And now he- wait.  Her stance and expression straightened as she realized what Infinite even said and looked blankly between the bemused jackal and furious hedgehog.  Did… did Infinite just call Shadow short?  She couldn’t help the cackle that bubbled up her throat as her hand went to cover her mouth.  She absolutely could not start laughing.  Not in this situation.  But try as she might, struggle as she did, she was far too tense to control the giggles that managed to burst out as she doubled over in laughter.

Shadow and Infinite both looked over to the hedgehog girl, furious and confused, as she struggled to control her breathing.   Shadow’s expression only darkened, as he took the strangely maniacal laughter as proof that she’d led him into the trap.  Infinite, however, only watched her, confused.  Shadow snapped first as he stormed over to the time traveler, pulling her – wheezing – back to her feet but his threats fell on deaf ears as she waved him away.

“You little-!”

“N-No!  S-stop, stop,” Itara cackled, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself again, reaching up to rub the tears from her eyes.  She was so tense before that the unexpected insult caught her completely off-guard, but she realized how bad her laughing looked and managed to calm herself eventually, “I’m not… I didn’t…,” she took another deep breath and looked up at the raging Shadow, “I’m sorry I just… he called you short.”

Shadow jerked at the response, unsure how to respond at first, but dropped the girl again to let her crumble back to the floor, where she promptly curled up in an attempt to hide her continued giggles.  Shadow muttered something about how she was one to talk, which she only barely caught, before turning his attention back to the source of all the problems.  Infinite didn’t seem to know how to respond to the situation any better and almost appeared relieved to have Shadow’s furious gaze again.

“Where are the emeralds?” Shadow demanded while Itara took several deep breaths behind him.

“As if I’d tell you,” Infinite stated, recollecting himself as well, “though I am surprised you managed to make it here.  I didn’t think anyone would discover this base so soon. Not that it matters.  There’s no time to stop us now.  Though I am curious.  How did you figure it out so quickly?”

Shadow prepared to fight, but Itara took a final deep breath and stood back up, having recollected herself and looked up to face the jackal, as well.  “That would be thanks to me.”  Shadow tossed another quick glare her way but she ignored it and focused on Infinite, instead, “Consider it payback for before.  That said, you made me look like a jackass so I think it’s only fair you answer my questions now.”  Infinite glared down at her, but said nothing as she continued, “How did you know we were here?  Shouldn’t you be with Robotnik?”

Infinite remained silent only a moment to debate whether or not to answer, but responded, “I suppose it doesn’t matter, either way.  I’ve been here.  Preparing for your end.”

Itara sighed but continued, “Does Robotnik really have the emeralds?”

“You don’t need to know.”

“Well, I do, but I’ll find out later, I suppose,” Itara stated before narrowing her eyes suspiciously at Infinite, her tone growing more serious as she questioned, “Do you know what the Phantom Ruby truly is?”

The question seemed to grab his attention as he eyed her sharply, though Itara could hardly tell under the strange mask he wore.  She could only see one eye and it was heavily filtered through the red lens.  One single, bright yellow, burning eye.  As she stared up at him, waiting for an answer, he repeated more quietly, “Who are you?”

“You’ll find out in due time.  Answer the question,” Itara stated flatly.

After a long silence, Infinite’s stance shifted as he growled, “It doesn’t much matter what it is.  What matters is the power it gives me.  Power to finally put an end to Shadow and the Resistance.  All I want is power.”  Shadow shifted his focus at the mention of his name and only went further on the defensive when Infinite met his gaze again.  However, before Itara could ask anything further, the room filled with the boxes again and Infinite floated further away.  Shadow moved to follow, but the jackal simply stated, “Now it’s my turn to ask the questions.  Can you survive long enough to meet your friends again… before I end it all?”

Itara’s expression darkened and Shadow shifted to fight while the world around them warped again.  Itara knew it was only a trick of the Ruby now, but she still struggled to stay standing as the ground shook beneath them and Chaos formed from the cubes.  Shadow wasted no time jumping into action to fight the fake, likely fueled by the growing rage, but Itara focused on the jackal controlling the creations.  She knew Chaos was fake and she knew the creations were harmless to her, to a degree, though she wasn’t sure where the line was drawn.  With the help of the rocket shoes and some hovering, she moved away from the battle. They didn’t have time for this. They needed to get out of Infinite’s projection and find the power switch.

But how?

This Infinite is only wielding a power he knows nothing about, you are part of it.

She looked towards the red gem embedded in Infinite’s chest and studied the glow, the energy, the familiarity.  Was it possible to overpower him?  Like she did with Sigma?  But the main ruby was powered by all the Chaos Emeralds.  She glanced back at her bag.  Could she use the prototype?  With another glance towards the jackal and Shadow half a room away, fighting a growing, fake Chaos, she sighed and reached back to grab the gem. She wasn’t sure if it would work, but she had to try, right?  If they wanted to defeat Infinite, she had to do something.  She was the only one who could, after all.

The prototype sparked and glowed as soon as she took hold of it, reacting to the energy surrounding them.  The world swayed again as Infinite’s reality sparked violently due to the additional energy.  Unfortunately, the effect grabbed Infinite’s attention immediately and as Itara struggled to grab hold of the prototype’s energy, the jackal was in front of her before she realized.  She jumped and nearly lost the prototype, but stumbled back enough to put distance between them again.

“Where did you get that?!”

Itara stared him down before taking another step back, grinning, “Doesn’t matter now, right?”  She had only a brief second to react as Infinite attacked, but managed to get a handle on the prototype’s energy.  The room around them crackled and snapped as the fake Chaos exploded into the boxes again, causing Shadow to miss another kick and throwing him off-balance. However, he had no time to right himself as the brief interaction between Itara, Infinite, and the two Rubies caused the room to explode with a crackling energy, breaking down the illusions and sending everyone present into the far walls of the real room.

Shadow collected himself the quickest and landed on his feet, though slid back several inches before coming to a stop.  Infinite was sent spiraling across the room, but as soon as he righted himself again, he cast a wary glance towards the others and disappeared.  Itara, however, was thrown back against the nearby wall and landed with a thud and a cry.  Shadow watched after the disappearing Infinite, cursing under his breath, before turning his new frustration to the time traveler.  She remained still until he reached her, but whimpered as she reached up to rub her head.

“What was that?!”

She silently pushed herself to her feet, wavering as she did so.  Shadow scowled when he got no response, but turned his attention to the communicator on his wrist to switch it back on and contact the others.  As soon as he radioed in, there was a frantic response from Tails.

“Shadow!  What’s going on?!  Where have you been?!”

Shadow grumbled under his breath before responding, “We ran into trouble.  What’s the status of the Death Egg?”

“The Death Egg was destroyed but we never heard back from you and we’re losing the battle!”

Another loud curse, which finally caught the attention of the dazed time traveler beside him.  He glanced over, but hitched when he did.  He glanced back at the communicator before responding, keeping an eye on the tiny hedgehog that dropped back to her knees before him.  “Where is everyone?  What’s happening?”

“We took out the Death Egg but when we never heard back from you, we couldn’t wait any longer and went to face Robotnik and Infinite at Imperial Tower.  We were handling the copies just fine, but we’ve got the sun dropping on us right now!  Where are you?!”

Shadow visibly winced at the news, “We’re still in the base. I’m on my way.”  There was silence, then a quiet agreement before the communication ended.  He turned back to the time traveler, who barely seemed conscious, and studied her.

Whatever caused the explosion during the fight seemed to manifest on the small girl’s body.  The green and purple in her right eye had swapped colors and there was a strange, molten white line running up her arm from the hand holding the prototype ruby.  He wasn’t sure what happened but he needed her to snap out of it.  Though, now that he thought about it, he wasn’t sure how much he trusted her.  Not that he ever did before.  Reaching over, he snapped his fingers in front of her face in an attempt to get her attention, knowing they would likely still need her help, one way or another. Her eyes zoned in after a few snaps and she finally focused in and looked up at him in horror.

“We need to go.  Now.”

It took several minutes of processing before the hedgehog girl finally shook her head and seemed to realize what he said.  She slowly pushed herself back to her feet again, “What?  What’s going on?  What happened to Infinite?”

“The Phantom Ruby still has power and there’s trouble on the surface.  As much as I don’t trust you after what just happened, we don’t have time to debate, either. Let’s go.”

Itara blinked a couple times to register the situation, though her eye color never returned to normal even after she came to.  He wondered if he should point it out but decided it wasn’t worth it.  They could worry about it later.

“R-Right.  Okay.” She looked down at the prototype and finally seemed to notice the line running up her arm.  She stopped short to stare at it, but shook her head and turned back to him, “I’ll meet you up there, then.  We can probably both get there faster on our own,” and without waiting for a response, she vanished back into the shadows.

When she reappeared again, it was on the outer edges of the battlefield where the Resistance was gathered, an entire field of fighters and clones stopped short and staring above them.  The city was on the far side of the long, flattened expanse, and a crop of hills were to their back.  Robotnik’s tower loomed far above them, with Infinite and Robotnik hovering between the field and city.  Sonic and crew.  Team Chaotix. Even Zero and the repaired Omega stood, staring up.  Itara followed their line of vision, trying to ignore the burning on her arm, her eyes widening in shock and horror once she did.

Just above the battlefield was a massive, furious sun, slowly descending on them.  The blazing heat permeated the air, fires roared as the nearby forests combusted, the grass across the hills scorched black.  Itara’s breath caught in her throat as she looked up at the fiery, reddened sky, her legs wobbling beneath her, her arm all but forgotten.  The prototype ruby dropped from her hand as feeling left her limbs.

Why here?!

[ununniliad]

Legion of Net.Heroes Volume 3 #2: "The TERROR of June 26th, 2019!"

<cover: A fancy hardcover lying on a messy desk, on whose cover is written in gold leaf, "On June Twenty-Sixth, Twenty-Nineteen, the Legion of Net.Heroes will DIE!">

----

It was June 23rd when the evidence was discovered.

The young, academic orc (also known as an orcademic) who worked in the library of LNH Headquarters, whose real name was Fred Gnarshteeth but who had for various reasons which we will not go into here decided to call himself Anal-Retentive Archive Kid II...

...slapped a manila folder on the desk, and put a VHS tape down next to it. Behind said desk stood Fearless Leader, Co-Deputy Leader of the Legion of Net.Heroes. The other Co-Deputy Leaders, Catalyst Lass and Cheesecake-Eater Lad, stood next to him, peering down at the folder. The post-WikiLull Ultimate Ninja leaned against the wall, silently watching the goings-on.

"According to this evidence," said ARAK II, "in three days, the LNH will face a villain more powerful than any we've ever seen before."

"Sounds like every other Tuesday," said Cheesecake-Eater Lad, mindfully keeping things light.

"Where does said evidence come from?" said Fearless Leader, keeping on-point.

"Library Lad was working on going through old LNH records when he disappeared," said ARAK. "Taking things from the archives that are in danger of being forgotten, and putting them in an accessible database in our modern systems. I've been trying to keep it going in his absence."

"Good job!" bubbled Catalyst Lass. "That kind of community-minded spirit is what keeps the LNH the LNH."

ARAK nodded in acknowledgment, letting himself savor a little bubble of warmth in his belly, then continued briskly. "This is a twenty-five-year-old statement taken from an incident type 214."

"Time traveler who has come back on a last desperate mission to change the future," said Fearless Leader.

"Just so," said ARAK. "In this case, the time traveler was Poignant Death Lass."

"Who wouldn't even join the LNH until years later," said Catalyst Lass.

"Right," said ARAK. "The statement was taken by Sig.File Man. PDL, badly wounded but still mostly lucid, described a foe who came out of nowhere; a man filled with enormous cosmic power, burning out his body, and blaming the LNH for everything that had gone wrong with his life. He ripped through all of our strongest hitters, and was in the midst of blowing apart the LNHQ when she was sent back. After handing over the tape, she passed out, and was taken to sickbay, where..." He sighed. "Well, where you can guess what happened." 

Cheesecake-Eater Lad and Catalyst Lass looked up at Fearless Leader, who had been the sole survivor of a very similar attempt at averting worldwide disaster - an attempt that had failed. But he had grown since then, kept moving forward and recovering, and seen this Legion through many more moments of near-destruction. His face was calm, focused. "Right. And the tape?"

ARAK nodded, and signaled. wReamhack wheeled in a metal cart with a VCR and a CRT TV on it. ARAK slid the tape in and pressed play.

   The lawn of the LNHQ, everything quiet and normal. Suddenly, a streak of light flies through the air - and collides with a hastily-activated defense shield.

   Before the shield, a man floats in the sky, his features washed out by a crackling field of energy that surrounds him, bolts of blue, red, purple, white, lashing at the ground, curving off into space,. Where the energies intersect with the shield, it starts fading. "The LNH... you've been hurting me since I was a child... you killed my mother... NO MORE!" He rams his crackling hands against the shield, and it cracks apart! "REVENGE!"

   Kid Not Appearing In Any Retcon Hour Story, one of the LNH's heavy hitters, finally reaches the threat. They grapple, and the energy blasts into the Kid's form. "Nice try, net.asshole," grunts the man, "but you're going down like the Browns." The Kid cries out in agony, and holds on - but his form seems to wither and dwindle, and finally, he falls, a drained shell.

   The shield deactivates, and LNHers spill out of the HQ - whichever random members were in today. They engage, but the man plows thru them. "She was a sweet woman! She never did anything! Do you hate immigrants? Do you hate single mothers!? WHAT DID SHE EVER DO TO YOU!?" His own form withers as he moves inexorably forward, but he seems no less strong.

   Suddenly, Kid Kirby, the greatest cosmic hero of the Legion, appears, seated behind a huge, complicated-looking cannon. With a great flash of light, it pours a blast of coruscating energy into the man's form... but when the light dies down, the aura of energy is even stronger, occluding the man entirely. A searing blast from the man destroys the cannon, blows Kid Kirby to pieces, and blows a great hole in the side of LNHQ.

   "And now..." The man's voice is thin, halting. "Now..." He walks through the hole, into the heart of the LNHQ. "DIE!"

   From afar, the LNHQ can be seen glowing from within - and then a fireball consumes it - and spreads - and spreads, destroying, consuming the city--

   Nothing is left of Net.ropolis but a crater. The screen goes black.

Catalyst Lass let out a breath she hadn't been aware she'd been holding. Fearless Leader looked less calm, more grim. "That was... thorough."

ARAK tried not too look shaken - come on, he thought, you've watched this already, no surprises here. "Apparently, there was an automatic failsafe that recorded and sent the tape after everything came apart. Complete with the dramatic camera angles."

"I know Multi-Tasking Man has been working on something like that..." said Cheesecake-Eater Lad, his expression pale but determined.

"He's thorough too," said Fearless Leader, leaning back in his seat. "Anal-Retentive Archive Kid, your analysis?"

ARAK tapped his neatly-manicured claws on the desk. "As far as I can tell, this was our Legion, a Legion that had taken on the Bryttle Brothers, the Crossover Queen, the Mechanical Author... and we were defeated by someone we didn't even know about."

"But we should've known about him in this timeline," said Cheesecake-Eater Lad. "Why wasn't this flagged? We've had the next time the Time Crapper shows up scheduled for the last six months."

"It turns out there's a fairly simple answer to that, having to do, again, with time," said ARAK. "The statement was taken on June 26th, 1994. Twenty-five years before the incident, to the day..."

Cheesecake-Eater Lad's eyes went wide. "...and two days before..."

"Retcon Hour," said Catalyst Lass quietly. Her knuckles went white on the edge of the desk.

Retcon Hour, one of the messiest events in the Legion's history, involving multiple time-travelers creating a multitude of alternate timelines, then letting them overlap, overwrite, a million conflicting narratives at war. The LNH had defeated the mastermind behind it all, somehow, and Captain Continuity and the RACCelestial Madonna had put things back as they should have been - but everyone who had been through the final battle held onto strange, fragmented memories of things that had never been.

"After Retcon Hour, no one wanted to even think about changing the future," said Cheesecake-Eater Lad. "They were just happy that the LNH seemed to have a future."

ARAK nodded. "That makes sense. As far as I can tell, this file was put in the archives and left to gather dust. Nobody's thought about it in the last twenty-five years - until today."

"All right," said Fearless Leader, standing up. "We have three days of warning, and we're going to use them. First, we bring in all the forces we can. Every Legionnaire, ready to defend, on the day of the attack. Second, we search for any sign of this guy. He has to be out there somewhere. Maybe we can find a weakness. Maybe we can get to him before whatever triggered this attack happens."

"I'll rally the members!" said Catalyst Lass.

"I'll get our resources on the case," said Cheesecake-Eater Lad.

"Anal-Retentive Archive Kid," said Fearless Leader, "see if you can match the data on this to anything else in the archives. A villain we've fought before, a hero gone rogue, a cosmic confluence that fills random people with powers. Even if it seems like this guy came out of nowhere, he's got to have a past."

"Got it," said ARAK, standing straight and nodding firmly.

Catalyst Lass mm-hemed. Fearless Leader looked at her quizzically... "Oh, yes."

All three of the Co-Deputy Leaders looked to Ultimate Ninja. He stood up, cracked his knuckles, and gave a firm nod.

"Right," said Fearless Leader. "It's time to gather our strength. Legion... let's go!"

----

The call went out. Subgroups were pulled back from missions. Reservists were called to active duty. Characters whose writers had been inactive for years but were still technically on the roster gathered together offscreen.

Contraption Man and Multi-Tasking Man firmed up the LNH's defense grid. Occultism Kid, Shining Tungsten Magister and Kid Occultism Kid wove mystic wards. Johnny Stomper and Very Big Boy trained for combat with giants, while Doctor Stomper and Mashup Laq monitored for incursions from the Picoverse. Foreshadowing Lad reached out for clues and hints, while Kid Recap recalled the past. The leaders drafted plan after plan.

And ARAK dove deep into the archives, looking for the single clue that might save them all...

----

The day came. At the break of dawn, the massed forces of the Legion of Net.Heroes gathered on the lawn of the LNHQ. Scouts spread out through the city. Satellites recorded every spark of net.ahuman power being used, looking for the spark that would turn into a wildfire.

At full readiness, they waited.

...and they waited...

...and they waited.

By mid-morning, Cheesecake-Eater Lad, Frat Boy and Shake-n-Bake Lass were distributing breakfast in shifts, each LNHer on edge, ready to rise from their meal and fight.

By noon, a bunch of blankets had been brought out to spread on the lawn, and the LNHers were sitting to conserve their energy, having little conversations to keep their minds sharp, but still ready for the fight. Lunch was served in picnic baskets, and LNHers snacked on fortifying sandwiches and cheesecakes. Soda, juice, and bottles of water were pulled from a series of coolers and passed around.

By mid-afternoon, there were five games of Magic: The Gathering going on and three D&D campaigns, there was a screen set up showing all seven Vorkosigan Saga movies, and a Lego model of the LNHQ was in progress. Anal-Retentive Archive Kid II leaned against the door to the LNHQ, Catalyst Lass standing next to him and soaking in some sun.

ARAK sighed. "I've been searching for the last three days, and there's nothing. Not just no other appearances of this guy, but no evidence someone like him has ever existed. Like, take a look at this..." He held up a clipboard with the statement on it, and a transcript of the tape. "The guy was talking about how the LNH killed his mom. So I look up bystander fatalities. Not a common thing with us, but it can happen. Then I look up the children, follow up their histories... I found three that had ever shown powers, one of whom lives in Nepal now, one of whom is an investment banker in Cleveland, and one of whom is actually a member of the LNH. And here - it says that he spoke with a midwestern accent, and he was talking about 'the Browns'. So I started checking in the Cleveland area, but there's like a dozen active net.heroes over there and none of them had tangled with any cosmic villains in the last year." He shook his head. "It's all like that. Nothing comes together, there's no person for whom all of this fits." He looked up at Catalyst Lass. "I'm sorry. I lead us on a wild goose chase."

Cat smiled and put her hand on his shoulder. "Hey, it's okay. It's better to be proactive and have it turn out to be nothing than to ignore things and have them turn out to be something." She gestured out towards the crowd on the lawn. "Besides, you got everybody together for a picnic!"

"Mmmm... yeah, that's fair." ARAK looked over the gathered crowd, and tried to relax, to take an actual break. If only he could be sure, though...

"Oh, hey, Cat." ARAK looked up. Two men were coming towards them; one was older, and dressed in blues and grays, in that distinctive coordination that told ARAK he was a net.hero in a casual version of his costume; the other, younger, wearing a T-shirt and khaki shorts on the hot June day.

Catalyst Lass squeaked in surprise and delight. "Sig.File Man!" She pushed herself off the wall and wrapped him up in a tight hug, then let go, stepping back, holding him by the shoulders and looking him over. "It's been so long! How've you been? Who's this?"

Sig.File Man laughed good-naturedly. "Pretty good, thanks. And you're right, it's been forever." He gestured to the younger man. "This is my son, Adam. He lives in Net.ropolis. I flew over for a visit, and we heard the LNH was having some kind of shindig, so I decided to stop by."

"Your son?" Catalyst Lass clapped her hands. "I didn't know you had kids!"

Sig.File Man smiled. "Just the one. Remember after I left the LNH, and sent those Christmas cards with that cute girl and the little boy? That was him and his mom."

"Ohhh!" Cat grinned. "He's grown up so big and strong, good job! Does he have powers?"

"Well, yeah..." Sig.File Man leaned in and spoke quietly. "He's not interested in being a net.hero, but I figured you-all might be able to help train him anyway. He's got a kind of phobia of this place, or I would've brought him by years ago." He tilted his head towards Adam. "He's been going to a new therapist lately, and even coming here is a big step up."

"Ohhhh, of course!" trilled Cat. She stepped over to Adam. "Hullo there! I'm Catalyst Lass, Co-Deputy Leader of the Legion of Net.Heroes! Would you like a bit of a tour?"

"Oh, well..." Adam looked down, but then looked back up at Catalyst Lass, and was, like so many, swept up by her honest enthusiasm. "I guess we could."

He followed her into the LNHQ, leaving ARAK and Sig.File Man alone. ARAK looked down at the clipboard in his hand... oh, what an opportunity! "Say, Sig.File-- ah, I guess I should ask your real name."

"Sigmund Ampulle," said the former Sig.File Man, and stuck out his hand.

ARAK smiled. "Fred Gnarshteeth." They shook, and ARAK pointed to the clipboard. "Do you remember taking this statement? For obvious reasons, it's been on my mind today."

"Hmmm..." Sigmund took the clipboard and glanced over the top page. "Oh, yes, this..." He blinked, and leaned in, squinting at the date on top. "...ah. Of course..." He looked up at the gathering of LNHers. "Of course it would be today that we came by..."

ARAK tilted his head. "Er... pardon me?"

Sigmund chuckled. "Sorry, but... let me tell you a story..."

"Back in 1994, I was starting to drift away from the LNH. My old team, the Tantalizing Teens, had broken up a couple years before. Cliche Dude and SideKick Man had joined the Legion alongside me, but Cliche Dude had left for a space mission with Halls Jordan, and SideKick Man had turned out to be an evil robot all along. That stung, of course, and I was left with few close friends in the community. Then an old enemy ran me over with a bulldozer..."

"Eesh," said ARAK.

"Yeah, right? So I wasn't exactly having fun as an LNHer. But I didn't really know where I should go next."

"Then this fell in my lap. I figured, why not stop this before it starts? So I started making plans to go to Cleveland and investigate. Then..." Sigmund sucked in a breath. "Retcon Hour happened. I barely remember the bulk of it; I think at one point I was the leader of an all-singing all-dancing theater troupe version of the Legion?" He chuckled. "But it was big and it was stressful and it was just another indication that maybe this wasn't the kind of life for me. So those plans turned a bit longer-term than they used to be."

"I rented an apartment and tried to track down the 'mom' mentioned - doing some of the fancy detective work I hadn't really done since my Tantalizing Teens days. I found a few different women who fit the clues; but there was only one of them, Sarah Hernandez, who was raising a young son alone, ever since his male genetic donor had walked out on them. I kept an eye on the others, but made friends with Sarah, hoping that I could keep them out of any net.hero-related trouble."

"A young son..." ARAK looked over his shoulder at the LNHQ, then back at Sigmund, eyebrow raised.

"Yep." Sigmund nodded. "Sarah and I ended up falling in love by Christmas. By then, I'd heard about their backstory - how they'd been visiting Net.ropolis during Retcon Hour and been temporarily pulled into an alternate universe where the LNH were all these terrifying evil robots, and Adam had ended up rather traumatized."

"I see..." The pieces fit, indeed, thought ARAK.

"We got married a couple of years later," said Sigmund. "By then, I'd formally retired from the LNH and set up a detective agency. I figured, well, maybe just by coming here I'd prevented a tragedy."

"Only there was a tragedy still on its way. It turned out Sarah had a degenerative neural disease..." He sighed. "With no cure." 

"Oh..."  said ARAK, unsure how to respond. He settled on, "I'm so sorry."

Sigmund shook his head. "Don't worry about it. That was a long time ago, now. And, this time, I was there to support both of them thru it." He looked off into the distance. "It was during the stress of that whole mess that Adam's powers activated. Powers to channel cosmic energy. He was pretty freaked out by them, to be honest - freaked out by anything related to net.heroes - and for a while he thought he'd messed up his mom. The doctors told him he couldn't have, that that wasn't how disorders like this work. But he ended up repressing them pretty hard."

"He's doing better now, though?" said ARAK, encouragingly.

"Yeah. Not city-destroyingly better, thankfully. I guess, in the other timeline, without therapy, without anybody, he just ended up obsessing, and..." Sigmund raised his hands, motioned pushing something away. "Anyway. Yeah. Much better, and has been quite stable for a long time."

"Good," said ARAK, and meant it. "I guess, then, you've saved the city - and I can close this file, which is nearly as relieving."

Sigmund laughed. "Guess so." He handed the clipboard back. "Turns out there's a lot of ways to do this job."

"Yeah. And the people who take care of it before it becomes a problem don't get nearly enough credit for it." ARAK tucked the clipboard under his arm. "Would you like to come down to the archives and help me close this file out? I'd like to give you credit, after all this time."

"Aw. Well, far be it for me to maintain false modesty." Sigmund opened the door of the LNHQ, and ARAK stepped thru.

And the picnic ended up going on past dusk, until the moon rose over the city of Net.ropolis.

[snarktheater]

Shadowhunters — Episode 2x17

Today on Shadowhunters…let's just get down to it, so I can quickly get to the end of this episode and have a rant about a sensitive topic with Shadowhunter culture that the books definitely had trouble handing and that the show is now fumbling on as well.

Since I'm liking the "put Simon's garbage subplot at the beginning of the post so it's out of the way first" method, I'll stick to it for the time being. Because yes, once again, Simon has a subplot that might as well be a different story that just happens to involve the same characters as the main story.

In today's episode: Simon's back in the friendzone, but with Maia this time! Yeah, remember how she helped him make it through Yom Kippur without eating any family members by posing as his girlfriend? I guess she fooled him too, and so, of course, he asks Maia out. At her workplace, because of course he does. Also, Luke sees Simon entering the bar an immediately guesses what's up, which is just…weird.

Anyway. Maia's not interested.

"That's really sweet of you, but…I can't. Busy." "I didn't give you a date yet."

Wait, no, I forgot, this is Shadowhunters, where no one's allowed to be honest about…anything. So instead she's actually interested but afraid to put herself out there in case Simon breaks her heart or some shit like that. Which we find out when Isabelle's having Max train with Simon (as a friendly but real vampire), because Isabelle, who has literally never met Maia, can somehow sense these things.

"I know Simon. And he's smart, sweet, caring…"

Questionable. Also questionable? Isabelle's argument when Maia says she's afraid to lose control around Simon. Specifically, how she makes that relate to her addiction, and then says this.

"[Losing control]'s a hell of a lot better than not taking a chance at all."

Actually, that's not even questionable. Let's go with a hard "no" on that one and call it a day.

But it works, and so Maia gives Simon a speech about being afraid to put herself out there, but she's ready to take a chance, as long as they take things slow. So…not only did Simon get what he wanted, he also had to put in zero work to get it? I get that the point was that he respected her choice and didn't want to go after another girl who wanted to just be friends, but still. It's a little bit weird to have Isabelle, out of the blue, go "you should totally date him" at a total stranger.

At the very least have Maia change her mind on her own based on something Simon does that proves he's worth taking a chance over (or that he's a safe choice, whichever fits his character more).

Well that was pleasantly short. Let's go over to the main plot, then. I'll skip over Clary's convenient meaningful dream and Jace waking her up while shirtless, because of course he does and of course he's shirtless. The point is, this conflict arises in their conversation.

"[Jonathan] was a child." "With demon blood. Don't forget that." "And no one but Valentine to teach him the difference between right and wrong."

Point being: nature versus nurture, Clary doesn't believe (or want to believe) that her brother is beyond redemption just for having demon blood, while Jace does. Strangely enough, Clary doesn't remind Jace that he used to think he had demon blood not that long ago, even though she did just that a few episodes ago. Maybe they only get to have that conversation once, even though Jace keeps using demon blood as an excuse to be belligerent all over the place?

More interestingly, I wonder if setting this up now will lead to any changes regarding the Endarkened when the story gets to them (assuming the show does, anyway). Will they still be treated as disposable mindless minions that you can kill with no ethical repercussions because they're "already dead"? Or…you know, will they do something more interesting?

Clary thinks to use Jocelyn's box of keepsakes to track down Jonathan, but it turns out that someone beat them to the chase.

And because this show thinks any lingering question will turn its audience away, we immediately see Jonathan holding his baby shoe, just in case you thought it might be something less obvious.

Also, he seems pretty distraught by the existence of those keepsakes.

"You said my mother didn't care about me."

Valentine dismisses it as Jocelyn caring for the son she never had, while she actively wanted to kill the demon-blooded Jonathan. I think this is meant to be perceived as Valentine manipulating him, but…it's also 100% true, you know. In the show continuity, Jocelyn tried to kill Jace, thinking he was her son.

That's good enough of an argument for Jonathan, who burns the shoe for symbolism, before they go back to vaguely alluding to their evil plan to be regarded as heroes by the Nephilim…somehow.

Meanwhile at the Institute, Max is apparently ready for his first mission on the field, even though he's like…ten, twelve, at the most. This is setup for another subplot in this episode, which I'll come back to at the end, but it's important here, because it means Max is present when Jace and Clary report to Alec that they couldn't find anything in the box of keepsakes they could use to track down Jonathan.

Luckily, it's fine, because if they can't find him, they can find what he wants instead! Specifically, the Mortal Mirror, now that Alec knows the Soul-Sword is in Jonathan's possession but that Clary deactivated it with her special runes, so Valentine's last recourse to wipe out all Downworlders is to summon Raziel instead.

"I thought that was just a legend." "All legends are true. […] The Angel will grant him one wish. Anything he wants." "The end of the Downworld as we know it."

I mean, that sounds like a lot of wild assumptions, but since they have no other real options, why not go for the lost third mystical object, right? Conveniently, we also see Valentine, who holds Sister Cleophas captive and wants her to reactivate the Soul-Sword. She can't, because Clary's runes are that overpowered, so he reaches the same conclusion as the protagonists did and sets out to find the Mirror.

Also, I should mention that this scene features Cleophas being injected with "min control serum", which Valentine…has, now? Was this established and I somehow forgot?

So he and Jonathan go to a bookshop held by a warlock, Elliot Nourse. He's an original character to the show, and I'm pretty sure he's a nod to book-Luke, because he pretty much matches his description (aside from, you know, being a warlock and not a werewolf). Not that that matters much, because he gets tortured and uses a spell to kill himself before Valentine can get anything out of him.

"I don't care what you do, I promised Jocelyn."

Yeah, he was safeguarding the mirror for Jocelyn's sake (because…she had it?). When Elliot dies, a sigil on his arm disappears, and Valentine somehow knows that that was a map to the Mirror and that it was passed down to another warlock? This episode is just full of people conveniently knowing stuff with no established reasons.

Speaking of which: Dot shows up at the Institute, and she has the mark on her arm now, and either she fills in Clary off-screen or Clary knew all about this somehow, because Clary then exposits to the others (and us) that indeed, the sigil is a map to the Mirror, and Elliot was a good friend of her mom and Clary knew him well.

Hey, guess what, show: maybe you'd have more time to establish these things if you didn't waste a bunch of your screen time on Simon's subplots.

Clary and Jace go investigate Elliot's shop first, and Sebastian shows up as well, which is totally not suspicious or anything. Clary and Jace quickly figure out that it was Jonathan's work, and start arguing again because Jace wants to kill him on sight.

"Remember what valentine made you do?" "I don't have demon blood."

That's not hypocritical or anything. Why are they making Jace take so many steps backwards in likability? First his pseudo-fascist bout, then being pushy with Clary as soon as she broke up with Simon, now this?

And yes, the irony that Jonathan is actually right there is not lost on me. Ha ha. So clever, show.

Meanwhile, Dot deciphers the map on her arm by comparing it to the ley lines in New York, and she and Alec argue about what will happen to the Mirror if they find it. Dot will help them, but she'll only trust Clary with the Mirror. And I like the sentiment, but will it really be her decision to make when it comes down to it? This is a genuine question.

At least Alec's smart enough not to let that get in the way of retrieving the Mirror at all. Even better, he sends Sebastian away when he tries to weasel his way into being part of Dot's escort, because he's the only person who didn't just instantly accept Sebastian.

Dot eventually narrows down to three possible locations, and Clary recognizes one of them as a park she used to go with Jocelyn to as a child.

"She hid it somewhere I remember, just in case. It's gotta be there."

I mean, at this point, why not more Mary Sue Guessing Powers, right?

Before they set out, Sebastian shows up in Clary's room to be a creep, which somehow gets Clary to open up about all her angst related to losing people she cares about and leads to Sebastian kissing her. For some reason, Clary mostly acts awkward about it, and not, you know, like he's a creep who showed up in her room to kiss her without her showing any sign of interest.

"I'll always be there for you, Clary. Whatever you need."

I mean, even without knowing that he's literal demon spawn (and her brother), how does that not sound like he's a stalker in the making?

He also steals a hair tie from her, but that's obviously to track her, so, you know. I'm not counting that. Besides it's kind of irrelevant by comparison.

So we get to our climax, in that Dot finds some kind of pocket dimension that holds the mirror (…possibly?) and retrieves it. But before they can leave, Jonathan shows up, in his true form. He takes out Jace immediately, while Dot does manage to get a spell in before he tosses her aside too. He won't hurt Clary, obviously, but he does threaten Jonathan's life in order to prevent her from running away with the Mirror.

But Clary, as we've mentioned, truly believes she can save him.

"Come with us. We can help you. Whatever Valentine told you, it's lies. Whatever happened in the past, whatever you've done, it doesn't matter. You're my family."

This makes Jonathan hesitate, long enough for Dot to open a Portal and Jace to force Clary through it, while Dot…stays behind to slow Jonathan down? I don't really get why she can't just take the Portal too. The show doesn't even act like she might die.

"She survived Valentine. She'll survive this."

Will she? How? You seem very confident about this.

Anyway. The Mirror (?) is a pocket mirror, and it shows Clary a vision of Lake Lyn, with two swords in it. I don't know if it means they'll steal reveal that Lake Lyn is the true mirror, or something else. I guess we'll just see eventually. Probably in the season finale.

Oh, and from that, Clary "deduces" that her dreams of Lake Lyn…aren't dreams.

"They're visions. I think they're some kind of message."

Considering everything that happened until now…sure, why not. This is as likely as anything else.

Before we part, there are two more subplots to talk about. First is Alec, who has very little to do since becoming head of the Institute. Well, remember how the Downworlder cabinet met without him at the Seelie Court? Well they're back, and the Seelie Queen wants war against the Clave, while Luke and Magnus are acting as moderate voices.

Well, that's not going to last. Remember how I mentioned that Cleophas is in this episode? Yeah, she also almost manages to break out of Valentine's…wherever he's holding her. She gets caught by Circle members, who are still around, I guess, but not before managing to steal a stele and send Luke a message about her situation. Including the fact that Valentine still has the Soul-Sword.

Which he shares with Magnus. Magnus, needless to say, is not happy that Alec kept that from him.

"From the day I met you, the one thing I knew I could count on was honesty."

And, you know, Alec does confess without even being prompted, but it's too little, too late.

"The Seelie Queen was right. We can't trust the Clave. […] We need to tell her."

Yeah…that doesn't strike me as such a great idea. On the other hand, I will commend the show for working the Seelie Queen more gradually as a villain, and setting up her joining forces with Sebastian better than the books did?

The other subplot is one I briefly mentioned already: Max being cleared for field operations. Well, mostly this subplot revolves around Isabelle, who really doesn't want him to go on the field, because it's dangerous enough on a regular basis, but with Valentine stirring up trouble, it's even worse, and she's just protective of her little brother. Reasonable enough, right?

And yet…everyone tries to convince her that it's okay. Which I can understand from, say, Alec, who's grown up in that same culture. But why is, say, Simon okay with this? Max is basically being turned into a child soldier here, and the show just wants me to nod along and go "Hmm, how unreasonable of Isabelle to be worried for his safety!" I'm pretty sure the correct stance on child soldiers is "don't do it", regardless of the surrounding culture or the existence of demons. I wasn't aware this was an ethical issue we were still debating?

You could make a case that the show is trying to argue that a well, if you squint a little, due to the episode cliffhanger. See, the episode ends with Max, who's been repeatedly telling everyone how good he is at everything, especially tracking people, revealing that he found one of Jonathan/Sebastian's hair on the box of Jocelyn's keepsakes. And he uses it to track it down to Sebastian. And he goes to confront him. Alone.

"You're him. You're Jonathan."

And…like…do Shadowhunters not learn about protocol? Asking for backup when dealing with an enemy who clearly outmatches you? Because if not, then why the fuck are you considered elite in the first place? And if so, then why is Max considered such a gret Shadowhunter?

But more importantly, I don't think this conclusion (which, again, is a cliffhanger, so maybe he's fine, regardless of his fate in the books) really shows a clear framing that Max shouldn't be a Shadowhunter. Every argument Isabelle has during the episode about Max is framed so that she appears wrong and overemotional, and ends on the note that he'll be fine. If it was just one scene, and then something bad does happen to Max in the same episode, and we dealt with the fallout in that episode, I could maybe let it slide. But multiple scenes, including from complete outsider to Nephilim culture Simon Lewis? No, I'm pretty sure the framing is slanted one way, and it's not the way that says child soldiers is wrong.

I know, I know. I've been abusing the phrase "child soldier" over the past few paragraphs. But it's because I cannot state enough how wrong this is and how appalled I am that not only is there just one character who has an issue with it, but that issue isn't even one of principles. As I said: I wasn't aware "child soldiers are wrong" was still a debate.