The time has come for me to do another stupidly long bullet point reaction post to a Hakuoki route because I am feeling kinda stressy depressy and screaming my opinions about inconsequential things into the void brings me deep satisfaction.
Now I just have to decide which one to do... Which ones have I done so far? I have played Souma, Saito, Iba, Kazama and Okita, I think... But only ranted about Okita and Kazama? Maybe? I do want to play Hijikata's route (I did start it in lockdown but got distracted by life) but I also want to revisit Iba's route and scream into the void about it because I remember doing a lot of "WTF"ing when I first played it and I feel like some void screaming would help me cope. Also, bullying Takeda is always fun. He is the worst but he looks so good doing it :')
OKAY, IT IS DECIDED THAT I SHALL ONCE AGAIN COMMENCE IBA'S ROUTE
The Tale of the Demon Arms of Horniness
Prologue: Welcome to Sunnydale (in which our heroine gets attacked by Not Vampires)
(Beware! Here be self indulgent rambling (I haven't actually started yet but I am self aware enough to know that it's coming...))
Do I want to skip the prologue? Fuck no! It has blood and death and multiple kinds of thirst!
Chizuru feels like a lonely outsider. Relatable content. They know their audience.
In all the routes I've played so far, Kodo cutting off contact with Yukimura makes no sense to me... She is important! Even if he never gave a shit about her as a person, she is incredibly valuable to whichever evil plan he happens to be embroiled in so why would he just abandon her for literal fucking years? Do better villainy, Kodo!
I feel like Chizuru's assumption that dressing as a guy makes her safe is just so monumentally stupid. Posing as a warrior invites a different kind of danger and, regardless, muggers gonna mug.
"I did rather well" at swordplay. Oh really. And yet you consistently stand around in the middle of battles waiting to be rescued. At least, that's how it feels to me... Souma Hen does a good job of showing her at least defending herself in battle, to be fair. I wish there was more of that here...
Hehe, that ronin who just got sliced has the same name as Miki
This is the first time I have played the game with voices on and it's so gooood! Also, I love that you can turn off individual people... Tempted to turn off Takeda out of spite but hearing him bitching is better.
Them's some good screams and manic giggles ("YOUR SCREAMS ARE LIKE MUSIC TO MY AUDIO RE-CEP-TORS")
Loosing these guys on the city is just such a terrible idea X_X Honestly, someone SHOULD expose them. This is fucked up.
Maybe you're not the good guys if you're contemplating murdering a child to cover up the fucked up demonic experiments you've been unleashing...
Oh here we go... Hijikata thirst time -_- I think that Hijikata is great (his swearing is so creative) but this is just ridiculous... Honestly, this is probably the reason I haven't played his route yet.
Drink every time Hijikata tells someone to shut up. Twice if it's Okita.
I actually love how fucked up the Shinsengumi situation is but it's just another thing that makes me pissed at Souma when he gets on his high horse... Sorry, getting distracted from the current route!
Ooh! The intro :) I'm surprised that Sakamoto's route only seems to add one new character... In fact, I have no idea how his route is even worked into the narrative but I look forward to finding out... Eventually.
Takeda and Miki getting some love at the end! I am surprised that they gave a character who never even has a reason to show up a route instead of one of these guys. I don't like Takeda (as in, as a person. He is a great character) but I would love to play a route with him just being awful the whole time. It doesn't even have to be romantic. Him and Chizuru can thirst over bishies together (because I believe first and foremost in historical accuracy). I actually do like Miki, though. I feel like I have made that clear in many posts and should probably stop going on about it (but will I?).
Chapter 1: Stockholm Syndrome (in which our heroine is locked up with a load of killers and bloodthirsty monsters but it's okay because they are hot)
WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE
Squirm, worm!
Maybe I am just a pervert but I am imagining some kind of shibari situation going on here (hey, it's not inherently sexual) for her to be unable to do anything but wriggle.
"If only I could wake from this strange nightmare" for some reason, this is giving me campy Rocky Horror vibes
"my body was sore from being bound up all night." This feels unnecessary... My kink senses are tingling...
"They are all truly gentlemen." HAHA HA HA HA HA hah...
Inoue's head is so big and dome like...
OH GOOD. "LIVELY" MEN. MY FAVOURITE -_-
I feel like I have said a lot of this before in previous playthroughs...
How do you know that Souji didn't go anywhere near my room, Saito?
I love how ready to tell Okita off Chizuru is here. More of that in the rest of the story, please!
Talking about there ages is always interesting because Chizuru is canonically 16 fucking years old! I age her up in my head because EW, WTF??? Also, Souma says at one point in his route that he's younger than Chizuru but he was born in '43 and she was born in '47... So he's also older than Saito, Heisuke and Iba ('44). And most of the others are closer to ten years older than Chizuru which, on top of the holding-her-prisoner thing is pretty, uh, uncomfortable... So I tell myself she's the same age as the younguns to make myself feel better. If I can pick her name, I will also decide her age and whatever else I need to do to make myself happy!
Sanan's voice is so nice to listen to... Maybe I should play his route... (side note: he is 30 entire years old right now so, uh... Yeah...)
"Isn't it rude to ignore your guests?" Kondou, you are very sweet but I am a fucking prisoner, not a guest and you running your mouth is endangering my life.
Every time I see Saito, I want to hug him because he looks so warm and snuggly in his scarf and his hair is so floofy (not at all relevant to this route but important information nonetheless).
Who the fuck is capturing me to interrogate me about Shinsengumi secrets in this hypothetical scenario? I have no affiliation with them (as far as they know so far)!
"A man should always be ready to face death." I think the fuck not, Nagakura.
I wish there were dialogue options here which would get you fully murdered.
"A man should know when to accept his fate." Fuck all the way off, Heisuke!
The guide told me to try and escape but I wanted to tell Heisuke that I am not a fucking man so I could see his reaction and I am not disappointed... Hopefully, this won't affect my relationship with Iba, since he is not here...
"Girls may wear pants when training with swords." Bless this man XD (of course, it is Saito) He gets it
Everyone piling in and fobbing me off onto a grumpy, reluctant Hijikata fuh teh lulz is kind of a dick move >:(
And, as usual, I don't get a say '-_-
"Weapons... Hurt people..." ... No shit '-_-
And yet she loves it when her chosen bae chops people up...
Kondou bringing poor lonely Chizuru sweets and tea is so heartwarming <3
When Saito asks if he's interrupting something, I always wonder if he thinks Chizuru and Okita are flirting... I guess he knows Okita well enough to know that his flirting is basically bullying...
Yada yada, rasetsu, poor Sanan, still no Iba...
Given how empathetic everyone is when they hear about Sanan's injury, I am surprised that Chizuru constantly forgets that she's not the only one who has feelings (perhaps I am being too harsh...)
"An unknown warrior..." HERE COMES THE BITCH QUEEN SUPREME <3 (all hail)
His eyebrows are nearly escaping his face
Being so tall really helps him look down on people...
"enormous" XD why is this description of Takeda so funny to me? Perhaps because it makes me think of an elephant...
We stan a giant nerd
Maybe he has low blood pressure because he's so enormous and that's why he likes salt so much... If he fainted, he'd surely injure himself and anyone nearby... TIMBEEERRRRRRR!!!
Hijikata and the others might at least have spun some helpful lie so that we could avoid this confrontation -_-
Takeda is SUSPICIOUS (and rightfully so...)
His nose is so pointy...
"almost like a petulant child," omfg, Chizuru is savage today and I love it! Get that salty motherfucker!
I also frequently find Chizuru's uming and ahing annoying af but Takeda needs to take a fucking chill pill...
This is my favourite quote about Takeda, "His swordsmanship is decent, but he is well read and possesses a cunning mind for military science." I feel like that should be an "and" rather than a "but" but I feel like Hijikata is calling Takeda a filthy nerd!
Just got back from grocery shopping and opened this draft and holy fucking shit I have written so much shite and Iba hasn't even shown up yet.
Side note: I want Takeda to teach me about whatever the fuck "military science is" because it sounds really interesting, he is pretty, he has a nice voice (when he's not saying douchebagy stuff) and while he's nerding out, he can't be out committing CRIMES.
"Spring shed its blooming skin, giving birth to lush, green trees facing the wide, open sky." What a nice little description! This game is so pretty! Although... As I was typing, I couldn't help but think, "MOVE YOUR BLOOMING ARSE!!!" but that's a me problem, not a problem with the writing...
Hijikata is putting zero effort into pretending that Chizuru is his page -_- STEP YOUR PUSSY UP
To be fair, I would also not wish to have a sixteen year old following me around while I try to do important, dangerous stuff...
It's YAM! <3
"The man's words caused Hijikata's face to turn blank," and yet, I can see his pissy-looking face right here on my screen... Maybe that's just how he looks...
Okay, we're in the shop... Here comes the boooooiiiiiii (actually, I think Takeda shows up first but let's see...)
Oop, there he is. I'm not sure whether Saito or Takeda wins the award for "Least Practical Hairstyle for an Active Warrior" but I think Takeda takes it because of how long and wild his hair is. Although... You can still clearly see his enormous angry eyebrows through the hair which almost entirely covers one of his eyes (who needs binocular vision, amirite?)... Perhaps the angry eyebrows are the true weapon!
He's like a fucking ridiculous giant seamonster. That's what he gives me... With his swirly hair, absurd height, scary expressions and majestic robes.
"a sticky glare" uh... What?
Takeda, you really are making the Shinsengumi look bad and I resent you for that (even though they're actually even worse than any of these people could guess...)
LEAVE THE POOR MAN ALONE, YOU HORRIBLE SEAMONSTER!
HERE IS THE BOI!
"I became completely distracted by his perfectly sculpted facial features." XD ffs Chizuru! Also, if his facial features are so perfectly sculpted, how have you completely forgotten them?! Perhaps I am biased because I am told that I have an unusually good memory but how do you just forget a whole person? Unless you've had some trauma, I guess... Perhaps Chizuru is suppressing memories of her childhood because of how she was treated by the other kids... But still, how do you forget the only person other than your Dad who was important to you??
"Almost as gorgeous as Hijikata." OMFG XD So that's why you were so keen to accompany Hijikata today! Also, poor Iba! I think he's prettier than Hijikata! Hijikata is more interesting, though. Sorry. Also, WHERE ARE THE THIRST INTROS FOR ALL THE OTHER BOIS?
"U-Um..." -_-
"Takeda was massive," XD SEAMONSTER
Takeda: "How dare you question me like this. >:( " Iba: :3
"I wouldn't want to upset the lady here." IBA NO!!! DON'T OUT ME LIKE THIS, FOOL!
"you sound afraid of getting your pretty face all bloodied up. Not surprising." Uwu. Is the historically-famous-for-hitting-on-pretty-boys Takeda hitting on Iba???
"Takeda huffed smugly to himself and waddled out of the store" XD SEAMONSTER BEHAVIOUR!!!
Wait, did Chizuru follow them outside? I thought she was supposed to be staying put...
OH NOW IBA IS ALL UP IN TAKEDA'S PERSONAL SPACE, "L-Let go!"
"Things between you and me are going to get serious, and I'm not sure you're ready for things to get serious." O_o How have I never noticed how homoerotic this dialogue is... It sounds like they're dating -_-'
"Seems like we're drawing some attention. Do you still plan on drawing your sword?" I can't unhear it now! Everything that Iba says in his soft voice while pressed up against Takeda sounds fucking flirtatious X_X
"I never forget a face, you bastard." Chizuru can't relate...
"His face was flushed with red," Uwu
Iba looks so smug! :3
"Ah, you even blush just like her." This man needs to be STOPPED XD
"Although I liked the attention," yeah, I bet you do XD
Awe, he looks so sad that you don't remember him :(
"Your tea and snacks must be ruined by now." Not muh snacks D: ChizuruXSnacks is my new otp
"as if I'd caught the scent of the city's sweetest bun." No, just Iba's sweetest buns (I hate myself)
OT3: Iba/Chizuru/Sweet Bean Jelly
"Would you like some of my sweet bean jelly?" O_O (I don't even know what that'd be a euphemism for but the seed has been planted in my brain and I cannot stop X_X)
"He expressed delight after each bite." Now I am just imagining Iba obscenely moaning and eating sweet bean jelly while Chizuru just sits there...
"smiling as if he was the happiest person alive." I can hear the game cackling maliciously as it plots how it's going to torture this poor sunshine person...
"It wouldn't be too much of a stretch, maybe, to guess that he and I were close in age." When you are sixteen, someone bring three years older than you is a lot! So, I don't buy this if we are to accept Chizuru's canonical age (I need to stop harping on about this...)!
"He can't be a samurai! He's too handsome. He's got some quick hands, though..." Yet another man thirsting over Iba X_X
"Apologize about Takeda" - Takeda stans
Iba is so tactful! He's just too perfect! And I do mean that in a bad way!
"Takeda did what?" Oooooh! Hiji-mama is ANGRY! 8D
"that buffoon, Takeda, who knows nothing." XD poor Takeda. Everyone hates him so much but he's such a cunt that it's hard to feel bad for him...
"Oh. I forgot to ask his name." FFS, CHIZURU. Iba probably thought that you already knew it...
"I-I don't know! It all happened so fast." GIRL, YOU WERE SITTING THERE WATCHING HIM EAT FUCKING SWEET BEAN JELLY FOR AGES
Chapter 2: The Rise of the Annoying Oni (in which Kazama starts appearing and fucking things up for your hot new friends)
"For some reason, they (Choshu) find foreigners repulsive," XD
"It seemed like I was serving my part to the Shinsengumi in a meaningful way." Girl, do you even know what the Shinsengumi does? I know that they're hot and it's nice to be useful but you seem way too eager to support these guys without having any idea of what they stand for... I guess that's the point of a visual novel protagonist: to be passive af...
"Maybe they were starting to think of me as a warrior in training" can't be a warrior in training without doing any training in being a warrior...
"Oh, right... My father's been here, hasn't he? They'd mentioned it, but they hadn't told me why." -_-' Ugh, Chizuru being so useless is really starting to piss me off... I guess that I am picking a lot of passive options so that I don't get affection with the non-Iba characters...
Sanan needs a hug. :'( perhaps I will do his route soon and he will get the hug he deserves!
"Sanan's unpleasantness had started after he was wounded during his trip to Osaka." No shit. I feel like everyone could have done a better job of helping him feel better instead of calling him "unpleasant"
"I knew the loss of his arm hurt him, more than I could understand, but..." Honey, nothing that you say before the "but" counts, "... I wished he could go back to being the warm, kind man he was originally." Yeah, Sanan! Why can't you just stop being depressed? (That was sarcasm)
At least she makes some effort to reach out to him!
"He glanced down almost absently at his hands, holding a candle and an exceptionally long needle." Oh dear. Is this even grey morality any more?
"I don't understand..." Oh my sweet Summer child...
"Does that mean... You'll protect me?" Awe :)
"Half a year indoors did little for my physique, and I was out of shape." Mood.
"Yamazaki deserved my utmost trust " YUS >:) TRUST THE YAM!
"Sanan lost his arm, not his brain." Tbf, that was a pretty stupid question (sorry, Saito. You are still my favourite)
Oo... What's Hiji-mama up to? Gonna stick with him and find out because I don't remember...
"for reasons I still don't understand, I decided to go with Hijikata." Because I tell you to! Or maybe... Because thirsty!
Uwu Hiji-mama is pleased with me
"Your commander needs to go have a word with a bunch of useless bastards." Yes queen! Slay those fools! "Mama needs to go spank some naughty children"
"I'll make sure they don't screw us." YES. GET THEIR ASSES
"You will not interfere." "YOOOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!"
Oh, they're trying to steal the Shinsengumi's glory XD
"The Shinsengumi allowed me to sweep the area in front of the headquarters on my own " WHAT PRIVILEGE.
Here comes the boiiiiiiii!
Every time she fails to remember him, poor Iba looks crushed. CHILD, DO BETTER.
"Hehe. Are you surprised?" Iba is such an anime girl.
Hijikata's face is fucking hilarious right now XD
Uwu Hijikata is blushing. I want a full on harem version of this game where you go around collecting everyone but you play as Iba instead of Chizuru.
Chizuru is fully fangirling over Iba X_X
Hijikata and Iba are so cute together. Hijikata doesn't know how to process the adorableness. Chizuru should take notes from Iba...
"Iba's eyes shined with adoration," omg guys, just kiss, "but Hijikata scoffed and rolled his eyes." Shush queen, we know you love him!
Everyone loves Iba. They just can't help it!
Omg, Iba is calling Hijikata out for keeping a pet woman!
"It wasn't difficult to tell that she's a girl" lol, tell that to Souma and Nomura X_X
"only a fool couldn't figure it out." Hehehe
"Would it be too much to ask about her reasons?" Um, hello! You can ask me! I am right here and I CAN HEAR YOU!
"Hey, why are you saying you remember him now? Don't lie to him. He's our guest." - Hijikata finding the weakest reason to justify being protective of Iba bae.
Hijikata just made a sound like a surprised donkey...
"Iba drew Hijikata in closer in a jovial manner, and Hijikata blushed" omfg XD
"Hijikata is normally really uptight, so seeing him behave this way was startling." - yus yus! A fine ship dynamic!
"Hijikata was actually... enjoying himself." Don't be jealous now, Chizuru!
"All of the commotion must have alerted the captains because they popped up from nowhere." Here comes some more of Iba's harem!
"Long time no see, boys." Is such a femme fatale line, ffs
"I'll bet you he's here to protect someone important" everyone worships this slut, we stan.
"Don't be stupid and die or something." A LOVE CONFESSION?! FROM OKITA?!
"Hey, we should go drinking some day! I mean, we could go now if you want!" Iba just shows up somewhere and immediately gets asked out...
"It seems no one can escape his amiable nature." Hijikata, don't act like you're so superior. We saw you blushing. BLUSHING!
The seamonster returns! Omfg, Iba is seriously pretending not to recognise him! Probably wants a chance to add Takeda to the harem...
"Do you dare mock me...?" - Takeda "YES." - everyone
"You're here to spread lies about the other day!" -_-' this bitch...
"W-Whatever you say." Despite his tough talk, Takeda submits very easily, which I can respect. He needs to stop bullying people, though!
"Toshi, who is that man?" A BITCH
"I'll make sure he doesn't bother you any further." AHAHAHA Hah
"What is it that you do?" BITCH, HOW MANY FUCKING MONTHS HAVE YOU BEEN HERE BEFORE YOU THOUGHT TO ASK THAT FUCKING QUESTION???
"What? War? There wasn't a war, was there?" "Oh yeah, we didn't tell you yet, huh?" GUYS?!??! O_O
I will stay behind and pray that my love shall visit me while everyone else's backs are turned!
ISHIDA MEDICINAL POWDER XD
Hijikata's such a fucking drug pusher :')
"Did you just ask me to gut you? Because that's what I heard." XD Chill, Hiji-mama
"I'll need you to keep tabs on Heisuke and Souji." WHAT ABOUT MY TRYST WITH IBA? D':
"Screwing around in this old place is boring!" Maybe you're not doing the right kind of screwing around, Heisuke...
"Maybe I can use a huskier voice," XD "Maybe I can try using words men use?" XD I'm surprised she hasn't picked up some of Hijikata's excellent swearing techniques!
"puffed my chest up, practicing some more... MASCULINE words." XD "Er... So, they think I look like a woman, huh? Heh, joke's on them. I'm a, uh, man... Just got a cute face is all..." Big Mulan energy. "I-I, uh... Despite my looks, I am very much a man, yo..." XD She should try this on Miki
"I think that was a good start. Pretty manly..." XD CHILD
"Talking with such bravado doesn't suit you." >:(
"Iba, when did you get here?!" Normally, I judge people for eavesdropping but I too would have lurked and enjoyed this absolute shit show.
"I never expected you to be so playful and fun." Uwu..
"You're blushing. Was it something I said?" YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID
"Soooo, heh, what brings you here today?" YES QUEEN, YOU GOT THIS! YOU CAN RECOVER! I BELIEVE IN YOU! DON'T LET THE PRETTY MAN GET THE BETTER OF YOU! >:D
"Oh no, I am not here for Toshi, but rather, for you." Uwu...
"I worried more and more for him every day..." KODO YOU BASTARD, STOP HIDING
INOUE, I LOVE YOU BUT DO NOT COCK BLOCK ME!!! >:(
Uwu! Iba is taking us on an adventure >:)
"Are you sure it's okay for me to be out here?" Why does Iba get a say in this all of a sudden?
Oh, Inou-bae has my back! I never should have doubted him!
Hehe, Iba doesn't want to tell her about the rumours of Kodo working with the enemy...
"I'm sorry, I need to be honest with you." Love to see it!
OH
OH
IBA, YOU SNEAKY WHORE
HE MADE THE WHOLE THING UP TO LURE CHIZURU AWAY FROM THE COMPOUND FOR A FUCKING DATE
FFS
I can't believe I forgot about this...
Iba... -_-'
"I figured the least I could do for you is take you out, get your mind off of things." You smooth fucking bitch...
"So, in other words, you lied to Inoue?" YES QUEEN, CALL HIM OUT! >:)
"Inoue was the first member of the house to show me kindness." Inoue route when? Not romantic but I want to see him and Kodo have a dad battle...
"What does your heart desire?" A threesome with you and Takeda. J
"if I can't obtain any information on my father, it might be best for us to return now." GIRL NOOOOO.
"Going back to the compounds without giving yourself a chance to relax would be treading on the courtesy of Inoue, let alone myself." You slyyyy motherfucker XD
"Why don't you do what you want?" Now this is a plan I can get behind!
"What does your heart desire?" A threesome with you and Takeda. Jk but can you imagine XD I do sometimes wish Chizuru was a bit sluttier...
Why is "Return to the compounds" even an option here? Who does that? Who is seriously going to pick that option?
Awe, look at how happy he is :)
"Boy, it seems like you're easily charmed." Exqueez me, bitch? "You could get away with asking for a hairpin or two, you know that?" Yus! :) Plz buy me pretty things, pretty man! :)
"I would never do that..." *Rolls eyes almost as hard as Sanan in the Souma Hen musical when Hijikata tells him not to cut Chizuru open to harvest her blood* actually, to be fair, I also would never do that (unless it was my hypothetical partner) but these games are supposed to be escapism!
"Sickness and health start with the mind" ... Iba... How dare you reach through the fucking computer screen to read me like this?! X_X
"All of the girls wore kimonos with hairpins, and they all dressed so fashionably that it captivated me." This is both a wlw mood and a sad-bitch-looking-at-fashion-on-the-internet-during-lockdown mood
"Some say that the only thing people from Kyoto spend money on is clothes." MY PEOPLE. Side note, since Miki is a confirmed fashion queen, I want to run around Kyoto with him buying clothes and reading people. Itou can come too because he is a shade master.
"Every girl in Kyoto wore lipstick." ME
"Tsk, such a waste to see you in this." IBA!!! I already feel bad enough about having to wear ugly ass clothes! >:(
"I would love to see you dressed in an elegant kimono, some day." This would be problematic if I wasn't wearing these ugly-ass clothes out of necessity... Or maybe it's more problematic this way because he's reminding me of the things I want but can't have... :'(
"You are such a serious person." WHY SO SERIOUS 3:)
"Iba was rather blunt..." XD sick of him already, are we?
"Next time," Oop!
"There's even an egg inside, so there's nutritional value," Iba is one of those wine mums who insists that wine is one of her "5 a day" -_-
"Do you remember what I said to you back then?" BITCH, I LITERALLY JUST TOLD YOU I DON'T REMEMBER SHIT!
Gurl, he obviously did not mean back at the tea shop. It was a stupid question but your answer was somehow even stupider (they are perfect for each other)
Chapter 3: The Annoying Oni Emerges (in which someone finally decides that Chizuru is important but oops he doesn't know how consent works)
ENTER THE GRAND HIGH BITCH HIMSELF: ITOU KANSHITARO (cue Takeda simping)
How does Heisuke know this guy, I wonder?
I love that the Shinsengumi is choosing a new evil lair for themselves! Yaaas! Commit to the aesthetic!
Kondou loves his evil nerd babies :')
I guess forcibly occupying a temple is a dick move but no one seems to be offering an alternative...
Oop. Here's Miki to tactfully, gracefully diffuse the situation :) :) :)
Tbf, he has a point (I have become a Miki apologist O_O) "Wouldn't it be just peachy if all those Choshu ronin were on their best behaviour, like a Kamakura warrior?" And I don't get why the Shinsengumi is acting so high and mighty when they're literally turning people into bloodthirsty monsters and then (spoilers) they get Itou pissed, murder him and use his corpse to lure out and slay their former comrades. Like, simmer down.
I love how Itou's face is just like, "Omfg Saburo shut up, you are not helping -_-" while his brother is talking
Bless Itou for keeping this disaster man around him XD
"Even if your left arm is useless," harsh but true X_X "your indubitable wits and book smarts shall prove useful, I'm sure." Is this a compliment from a fellow nerd or Itou subtly reminding Sanan that he's being replaced both on the battlefield and on the strategic side (I suspect the latter XD )
Hijikata is ready to slay this bitch right now (soon, Hiji-mama, soooon)
Itou did not expect Hiji-mama to call out his read!
"He is NOT replaceable!" Oop! Hijikata saw right fucking through Itou! We stan!
Itou doubling down on the cuntery! "Next time, I'll keep my thoughts to myself." Translation: you are a bunch of delusional snowflakes who can't handle my truth bombs. "Sanan is quite the beloved member here, isn't he?" Translation: anyone in their right mind would have got rid of this dead weight months ago so obviously you're only keeping him around for sentimental reasons. Itou is so fucking shady! XD Although, he is kind of right to insinuate that the Shinsengumi should change with the times more... I mean, they die horribly and perhaps could have learned something from Itou... Maybe...
I feel like everyone could have done a better job of taking care of Sanan instead of pretending that his wound wasn't a problem and expecting that he'd suddenly stop being depressed but I feel like what actually happens is far more realistic than any positive outcome :'(
Takeda is so ready to suck up to Kondou and Itou XD
"It is our responsibility to grow and gain knowledge, to expand our horizons..." I agree with Kondou but it feels like the Shinsengumi is only willing to do this up to the point where it doesn't interfere with their rigid worldview... I feel bad for Heisuke trying to expand his horizons, live life according to his own convictions, but getting dragged back to the Shinsengumi as a rasetsu >:(
I love that Miki lingers long enough to give a little display of bitchiness before "slinking" off (as villainous verbs go, it's better than "waddle" XD )
Yeah, why the fuck did Itou join the Shinsengumi if he's not aligned with the Shogun?? Unsurprisingly, my knowledge of 19th century Japanese politics is limited X_X
"Oh, no, poor Sanan..." Indeed :'(
"There is, however, a rather serious flaw." Understatement of the century...
"I've never tested it on anyone." Uh... Good for you? Maybe?
White hair and red eyes does look good on Sanan, tbf... Silver linings!
"I hate to impose, but... If you could...?" The politest request for suicide by Okita X_X
"You aren't really going to kill him, are you?!" -_-
"It's really annoying, you know." ... Can't argue with that, if I'm honest...
"Um, are you going to make me repeat myself?" Yeah, Chizuru can be pretty annoying...
"We didn't make them take it." Oh? "You see, the Shinsengumi had this thing called the Rules of Conduct." Oh. I see where this is going and I feel like making them choose between death and ochimizu isn't really a choice...
"Usually, if you break our rules, we make you cut yourself open." "Cut yourself open?!" "Uh, why are you so surprised?" Uh, because that's pretty fucking brutal! I want to know what these rules are, now... I guess one is about not participating in personal fights...
"Don't you feel bad for them?" FUCK YES.
"Aw shit, Itou..." XD
"We were given this task by the Shogun himself..." Sounds like a great guy to throw in your loyalty with -_-
I really need to watch the prequel anime...
"You look like you've seen a ghost, which I hardly feel is polite." XD
"I'm fine. I think I just caught a cold or something." Oh honey, you are coughing in a period drama. That can only mean one thing...
"Wadda ya mean, "no"?!" -_-' Someone give this man a pamphlet
Ugh, now my brother is flirting with Okita -_-
Yada yada, shogun is visiting, yada, where is Iba?
At least Takeda seems happy...
"If only Sanan was alive." Itou is not likely to win any oscars... "Itou wiped crocodile tears away from his eyes with a silk handkerchief." Ffs XD This dramatic bitch...
"Aw... Itou." -_-' You better wise up, Kondou Isami...
I'm surprised that Itou is participating in this shogun stuff but Heisuke is not... I guess Itou has social climbing to do...
"I'm using the hell out of you." Uwu...
"What, you're the messenger? This isn't the playground, you know." Charming as ever, Miki -_- XD he looks genuinely shocked "Well, I'm not here to play." Uwu >:D YES QUEEN! SASS HIM BACK! START A SASS WAR, I HAVE FAITH IN YOU! "Heh... Is that so? Then what could someone like you, who can't even use a sword, do for anyone?" -_- well, clearly I am here as a messenger, Miki. Has that not been established. I don't need a fucking sword for that, do I? Not that there's even anyone here to stab... But if Miki has any suggestions of what I can do, I am all ears 3:)
"Would you mind if we stopped playing games?" Chizuru, no! Stay and play with Miki! He will teach you how to be a bitch! You desperately need instruction in that area!
"Speak..." Woof.
"Huh...? That's it? It's that simple?" Even Chizuru is disappointed XD Girl, you asked him to stop playing with you and he did and now you're giving the Pikachu face?!??
"What's up with your dumb face?" Miki is not familiar with the Pikachu meme...
"Maybe he's a responsible person." Well... He tries his best, bless him XD
"There's no way anything would happ--" Of course XD
I love Shiranui's voice
"Hey, don't tell me what to do." Yes, Shiranui! Stand up to that bastard! "The kid's being stubborn, so what can I do?" UM, YOU COULD NOT SHOOT ME??!
"It isn't as though we need your permission to kidnap you." Kazama, are there really so few female demons that you haven't learned how to behave towards them?!
"Pale and grasping like the tentacle of some hideous subterranean monster." Or Takeda the Sea Monster's hair.
Er mah gerd! It is The Boi!
"But she is an ordinary girl. She always has been." -_- Iba, normal girls don't magically heal themselves.
"He moved like a flowing river; his economy of motion was natural and in total control." ... I'm not gonna say it... I'm not gonna say it... I'm not gonna say it! So, this means he's good in bed, right?
"Amagiri, I have a new toy for you to play with." Fucking rude. Finally, a person who doesn't immediately fall in love with Iba.
Bless Amagiri for agreeing to fight Iba so that he's not obliterated by the two fucked up demons
"You seem only to aim for my arms and my feet." Interesting, interesting... I guess anyone threatening the shogun needs to be taken alive and questioned...
"I take it you've never taken a life before." *Incredulous Saito and Okita noises*
"This is probably just some trick the shogun's dog learned to kiss the shogun's ass." ... Has no one ever told Kazama that he's a massive cunt?
"Shiranui grew impatient, and he pulled out his handgun in irritation." Ffs XD classic Shiranui...
Omfg, this idiot shot me -_-
"Ugh. What the hell are you doing?" BITCH, YOU LITERALLY JUST SHOT ME. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Side note: I want a gun! Somebody get Chizuru a gun!
"His bullet shot through both of my hands." Ew. Squishy blood noises...
"Are you all right?!" Bitch, no! I got holes in me hands! Serving stigmata realness!
"Y-Yes... I'm all right..." UH, NO!
"Damn it, Shiranui." For once, I agree with Kazama -_-'
"Hey, it's not my fault." It is ABSOLUTELY your fucking fault -_-
"You make a compelling point..." NO HE DOES NOT >_<
Hiji-mama, Saito bae and Harada bae have come to the rescue! :3
"Did these weak shits do this to you?" Yes, Harada! :'( Please make them unhappy!
"I-I'm fine." YOU GOT HOLES IN THEM THERE HANDS!
"every time something shady happens, you three always turn up." Hiji-mama is really channeling Professor McGonagall right now...
"You're all just attention-seeking whores." XD Yes, and?
"We've accomplished what we set out to do here." In what universe is this even remotely true? Or wad there plan just to say hi and things got out of hand?
"I will eventually come for you. Just you look forward to that moment." ... Does he seriously not realise how fucking creepy he is? Maybe he just doesn't care...
"I made a vow with someone" GIRL, PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER. YOU LITERALLY HAVE NO OTHER FRIENDS.
"If there are scars left on a girl I was entrusted to protect," well, you weren't so it doesn't matter!
"You are an ordinary girl" I want to be cynical but this is sweet, in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary
"The promise you made with me back then, you've been keeping it all this time." Awe <3
"you've gotten so tall, Hachiro..." That's, uh, a weird thing to say...
"Um, I don't remember you being this gallant..." Come on! Play it cool!
Omfg, Itou being terrified by the medical examinations is definitely a relatable moment!
"Those SAVAGES?!" XD Itou elegantly combines the subtle art of being a cunt with the practice of asserting boundaries, we love to see it!
"he tried to remove them himself! By FORCE!" tbf, that does sound pretty traumatic! Poor Itou! I too would have kicked and screamed until I could run away and plot my revenge.
"And the rest of them just... Just STOOD there!" Damn, that's pretty horrible of them >:( Regrettably, I know that feeling! Itou, you can have a hug from me! <3
"I'm going to go watch the physical exams!" -_-' Chizuru... Noooo.... Don't go perv on people
"Oh my... So you WANT to see those savages? What peculiar taste..." CHIZURU, SHIT LIKE THIS IS WHY MIKI THINKS THERE'S A NANSHOKU SITUATION GOING ON HERE! I love that Itou is judging your tastes but seems otherwise supportive!
Nagakura, stop showing off your tits -_-'
"Don't you wanna order a slice of this beef cake? I got two meaty servings on a plate, right here." -_- please stop immediately.
Wow, Matsumoto has a big mouth!
Wtf? Iba coordinated this? But this happens in every route -_-'
"Iba then appeared from behind the building, as if he was summoned." -_-' now this is getting ridiculous... Is Iba a Mary Sue? Do I care?
Damn, I am so tired. It's only ten but I am going to wind down. I didn't get very far through the story... Turns out, I have a lot of dumb things to say and I type on my phone with one finger like my Granny X_X Anyway, I really enjoy putting my thoughts and feelings into words and hopefully this will help me make my own visual novel (though I'd be lying to say that that's why I am doing this)...
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The Tale of a Reluctant Ex-Yakuza
(Pictured above: A man who just wants to have one nice walk home)
I want to talk about Kazuma Kiryu for a red-hot second here, folks. Specifically, I want to talk about his attempts to leave the yakuza world while simultaneously making it impossible for him to leave and what that says to me about what he wants out of life. This is very spoilerific for most of the series (and super fucking long) so here’s a cut:
One of the most interesting aspects of this series to me is the push-and-pull between embracing the “cool” aesthetic of the yakuza lifestyle while also trying to show how damaging that world is. Kiryu lives at the center of this dichotomy, with all of the games showing him being pulled into yakuza business, against his will in most cases. However I think that the games have also shown that Kiryu actually wants to be pulled back in and will sometimes even set up the situations that he will later have to come back and solve, although he doesn’t do it purposefully.
Kiryu says that he doesn’t want to be a yakuza and certainly the games go to great pains to make sure we know that he’s a good guy, going so far as to minimize what crime we actually see him commit. The brutal beating he doles out in Yakuza 0 is really the worst thing we ever see Kiryu do in all the games, despite the fact that he was grinding the crime wheel long enough to almost have his own family in 1. The games want us to side with Kiryu when he tries to escape from the yakuza underground, despite the fact that many of Kiryu’s closest friends are active yakuza, undoubtedly involved in a myriad of dirty businesses (drug trafficking, arms dealing, prostitution, etc.) but which happen behind the scenes so that we don’t associate those characters with the nasty shit Kiryu encounters with random yakuza in the substories.
(The worst thing this crime boy ever does)
But what about Kiryu himself? If he really wanted to get away from the Tojo Clan, why would he continually feel obligated to come to their rescue every year or so? If he truly believes that the yakuza underground is inherently harmful, why wouldn’t he let the Tojo Clan eat itself alive, as it’s prone to do whenever he looks away? The games talk a lot about the Tojo being a stabilizing force in the criminal underground (debatable) and that if it were to collapse then other syndicates would move into Tokyo and make things worse. The last part is almost certainly true since the Omi Alliance and the Snake Flower Triad watch the Tojo Clan so closely that it’s a wonder other groups don’t steal their turfs. However why does Kiryu feel like it’s his responsibility to keep it going and why, if he feels this burden is partially his, does he continue to help the family in half-measures, swooping in when it’s about to collapse and slapping a bandage on it before diving back out?
Let’s turn to the games and look at the ways in which Kiryu has gotten involved, why, and what he did to get back out.
Yakuza 1:
This is the game where it makes the most sense that Kiryu is trying to get away from the yakuza underworld because he has no other choice. He was expelled from the Tojo Clan for committing the worst crime in that world (killing his boss) and when he gets out of prison, most of the families are out for his blood. Plus he meets Haruka early on and many of the side stories in the game are about fatherhood (Kage and his son, Date and his daughter) and how the criminal machinations in Kamurocho ruin lives.
Conversely Kiryu helping the yakuza also makes sense in this game. His own father-figure needs his help nearly as much as Haruka does and Kiryu struggling to keep her safe while also trying to help Kazama fill the power vacuum at the top of the Tojo Clan is narratively appropriate. In the end when Kiryu temporarily becomes the Chairman only to bail out so that Terada can take the wheel, it makes sense and feels right. Kiryu needs to be a father now and he’s lost all the other important people in his life due to yakuza bullshit. He wants out.
(I lied, this is the worst thing he ever does. Kiryu, holy shit)
Yakuza 2:
So now Kiryu is chilling in Kamurocho with Haruka and everything is fine despite their crippling poverty and emotional trauma. That clever last-minute drive-by at the end of 1 definitely solved all his yakuza problems and he’ll never have to do anything for them ever again. Smooth sailing into single-fatherhood ahoy.
And then Terada gets killed. Fuck. And Lady Dojima, interim Chairman of the Tojo Clan, is getting a lot of shit on all sides from her lieutenants because she can’t be the Chairman forever, my god, she must have a ton of woman stuff she needs to do. Plus the Omi Alliance is eyeballing them like they’re the last pork chop on the plate and not having a “proper” Chairman makes them vulnerable. But Lady Dojima has a plan, a super-great plan.
She’s going to get her punk-ass son to be the next Chairman. You know, that adorable little boy in Yakuza 0 that made Kiryu take him to a karaoke bar except now he’s grown-up and can take himself to karaoke bars. But a plan of this magnitude takes cunning and subterfuge. So Lady Dojima summons Kiryu and basically tells him to convince her punk-ass son to be the next Chairman or she’s going to make him do it instead.
(The best interim Chairman of the Tojo Clan. Not pictured: her punk-ass son Daigo)
Of course Kiryu definitely doesn’t want to be the next Chairman, heavens no, so he tracks Daigo down, probably assuming that he’ll be easy to convince because he used to have such enormous respect for him.
The exact conversation between Kiryu and Daigo Dojima:
Kiryu: Your mom wants you to come home and be the next Chairman.
Dojima: Shit no, I’m rude again and I don’t want to take off my cool puffy jacket or slick back my hair. Tell Mom to get bent. You’ll have to fight me forever to convince me to come with you.
Kiryu: *Sighs*
To the surprise of no one, Kiryu kicks Daigo’s ass so hard that it turns him back into a halfway respectful boy but Lady Dojima isn’t done with Kiryu yet, no sir. He needs to go to Osaka and try to chill out the Omi Alliance already. Kiryu goes because fuck you, that’s why, and takes Daigo with him so that both of them can have manly sexual tension with Ryuji Goda. Then, as will become a reoccurring theme, things go ass-backward, betrayals and shocking revelations occur, and Kiryu has to punch a million faces until finally everything settles down again. Kiryu getting involved here also makes some sense narratively; he helped put Terada in charge and he cares about Daigo Dojima, although not enough to convince him that he doesn’t want to travel down the devastating path of yakuza leadership because it’s fine for him apparently. Look, he really just doesn’t want to do it himself, okay?
Yakuza 3:
Here’s where things start to get really interesting. Daigo is in charge of the Tojo Clan and he’s a fresh-faced baby yakuza with little to no support system because Lady Dojima has fucked off to the Yakuza black hole for characters that never appear again. He could really use a friend to watch his back as he tries to show the families that he knows what he’s doing (he doesn’t). Hint, hint, Kiryu. But Kiryu wants to get the fuck out of Kamurocho already because he just noticed that living five seconds away from Crime Avenue is a bad choice for raising a young child.
Enter Majima. Finally, right? Let’s back up a bit. At the end of Yakuza 1 Majima’s boss Shimano got blown up on a boat and everybody rejoiced because he sucked hardcore. The next time we see Majima in 2, he’s out of the Tojo Clan and running a construction company made up of his yakuza family. We don’t know the exact circumstances of him leaving but Majima said that he didn’t like Terada’s leadership style (not enough torture dungeons, I guess). But he seems pretty happy; he’s got a successful business and he drove Kage and all the homeless people in the West Park away so he has Purgatory all to himself. Life is coming up aces for Majima.
So Kiryu needs to fuck all that up. You see, he’s decided that the perfect person to provide rational, dependable support for Daigo is Majima, the man who earlier made him fight in a death arena for his pleasure and once nearly beat a man to death for not laughing with him. Here’s the catch (other than it being a bad idea), Majima doesn’t want to come back to the Tojo Clan. He gives Kiryu some pretty good reasons why: he’s happy with his current situation (he’s super into Death Arena Brothel World), he really doesn’t want to be that responsible because he’s already responsible for his rowdy boys, and he doesn’t think he’ll be able to influence Daigo to do anything because Daigo is just like a baby Kiryu and probably won’t listen to him.
Kiryu nods because he’s a very good listener and waves goodbye to Majima in the rearview mirror of his car because he won their shirtless rooftop fight so he knows Majima will do it despite all his many reservations. Majima watches him go with the saddest face in the world because it’s just like Kiryu to invite him to a sexy fight to the death and then leave before either of them got stabbed for reals.
(Look at how sad he is. Kiryu, you monster)
Things go tits-up, largely because Daigo is surrounded by shitty subordinates and Mine, who is sexy and clever and evil, and Majima isn’t able to do anything about it, despite his clever strategy of not trying very hard. He seems to spend most of his time rocking out in Purgatory, which was what he wanted to do in the first place, Kiryu, you dick. Kiryu comes back and fixes things and nearly dies and probably vows to never get involved again. He leaves with everything basically back to where it was before he left town the first time, except now Majima doesn’t have his stressball death arena anymore because Kage is down there again. Thanks, Kiryu!
In this game we see Kiryu actively make steps to fortify the Tojo Clan but refusing to deal with the follow-through, even though nobody asked him to get involved in the first place this time. He knows Majima and he knows Daigo and if he thought about either of them for three seconds, he would know that both of them need a different sort of buffer than each other to be effective, somebody steady and straight-shooting and Kiryu-shaped or Kiryu-adjacent. But Kiryu doesn’t want to stay involved, he just wants to swoop in and punch faces and swoop back out to his dad-simulator game at the beachfront orphanage.
Yakuza 4:
Here we finally get to the logical conclusion to all of this build-up. Daigo completely loses the thread of this whole yakuza quilt and things start imploding. Long-buried secrets pop back out of the ground, Majima’s steady, straight-shooting, Kiryu-adjacent ex breaks out of prison and brings some delicious Majima-centric woobie flashbacks with him, people fight over Majima’s beautiful construction baby shopping center, and Kiryu eventually leaves the orphanage to settle everything because of course he does.
(Everybody got dressed up to strip down on the roof)
He finds out that Daigo was at the end of this particular set of shocking betrayals (my god!) and as they prepare for their final shirtless rooftop fight, Kiryu actually apologizes to Daigo for placing the burden of the Tojo Clan on his shoulders because he realizes that Daigo wasn’t ready for the responsibility. He beats the ever-loving shit out of him, everybody hugs except for the dead people, and Kiryu tells Haruka to wait for him while he helps put the whole shebang back together again, this time for reals. Haruka nods and Kiryu goes to attend what honestly looks like it’s going to be a banger party, no kids allowed. We all breathe a sigh of relief because Kiryu won’t have to be dragged into the next adventure, no sir, he’ll already be in the thick of it. Kiryu has realized that he can’t be half-in, half-out with this stuff anymore, he needs to follow through on the commitments he keeps making to the Tojo Clan.
Yakuza 5:
Kiryu is a taxi driver now. You know what, fuck off, Kiryu.
No okay, let’s back up. He’s a taxi driver almost two years after the end of 4 so he probably spent a lot of time with the family, helping Daigo get everything back together.
(This is the face of a man who has solved all the Tojo’s problems.)
What, no? He actually just almost immediately went back to the orphanage? Without helping Daigo do much of anything? But first he made Saejima promise he would definitely go back to prison for two years, thereby sending Majima into a lonely, existential spiral that rendered him even more useless for watching Daigo’s back? You couldn’t even stick around for those two years, Kiryu? You and Majima could start a book club or something.
But whatever, Kiryu is a cab driver now because he can’t be with Haruka or the orphans but he doesn’t want to go back to the Tojo Clan because then he couldn’t race taxis in the streets of a new city. Still, Daigo seems to be doing okay. He’s brokering peace with other yakuza groups and has a small contingent of loyal, not-shitty subordinates and everything might actually go okay this time.
Oh, wait, no, everything goes oopsie-daisy yet again. Majima gets to be a reason for a lot of the bullshit this time around because he probably feels like it’s his turn and Kiryu gave his freaking death arena back to Kage and he couldn’t hit a baseball in front of his best friend so life isn’t worth living. Or something like that. Betrayals happen, people die and then aren’t dead (as is Yakuza tradition), and Haruka is endangered yet again so Kiryu really honestly has to get involved this one time, last one, I promise. Except this time Kiryu actually admits that he loves this crazy shit before throwing himself into the fight like an overexcited wolverine. This should be a huge revelation except that it isn’t because everybody knew already, Kiryu, you drama llama.
So What Is His Fucking Deal Already?
Kiryu wants to be a yakuza. I don’t think there is any way around this. He wants to punch faces and get embroiled in yakuza politics because he genuinely enjoys it. He can’t stay away from the Tojo Clan, not just because he feels an obligation to it but because he loves everything about the life it represents to him, the danger, the excitement, and the comradery.
But Kiryu also wants to be a good dad. Haruka means everything to him and since he doesn’t see a way to be both, he tries to be one all the time and the other when he just absolutely has to because he doesn’t want to say no to the Tojo Clan.
And Kiryu also wants to be a good person. Being a yakuza is equally about crime and murder and betrayal. All the people he trusts the most in that world have dipped their toes into these waters and Kiryu doesn’t want to do that. Even when he was fully committed to the life, Kiryu was resistant to giving in to the darkest impulses inherent to the job. He held Majima back from his worst behavior, even though within the structure of the family he had no right to do so, because Kiryu doesn’t want the nastiness that comes along with the work, he wants the exciting glossy parts of it. In this way Kiryu is maybe like some of the people who play the games and who want all the bone-breaking action but don’t want to see their favorite characters do bad things even though they are real-deal criminals involved exclusively in real-deal crime. You see this in people who find the revelation in 4 that Saejima didn’t actually murder a baker’s dozen plus of people a relief, despite the fact that he was perfectly willing to do it and thought for decades that he had, making the revelation more of a narrative gotcha than a moral revamp.
(Attempted mass murder is fine)
I don’t know many of the details of what happens in Yakuza 6 but from what I’ve heard, the game brings this paradox to its logical conclusion. Kiryu can’t have everything and sooner or later he has to choose for real, the Tojo or his family. Personally I think that it’s obvious which one he’ll pick but hopefully this time he’ll actually stick with it and maybe everybody will stop betraying each other AND stay out of prison for five freaking seconds.
Wait, Yakuza 6 starts off with everybody going to prison? Goddammit. Kiryu, just let the Omi Alliance take over already. They couldn’t possibly fuck things up worse.
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So I finished Kyoto Winds…
Here’s the comprehensive review I promised!! Keep in mind that I haven’t always paid the closest attention (as my first priority eventually shifted to managing the walkthroughs, since I can replay them anytime), but I’ll do my best to be accurate.
As usual, I’m biased as hell so you’ll want to take a lot of this with a grain of salt, but here we go, with the longest post ever…
Overall
On the gameplay – having been expecting to get to choose the route at the beginning, the fact that I had to navigate all the options and pick accordingly was a surprise, but not an unwelcome one. I’ve always been a fan of choice-based gameplay, so really, the only sticking point I hit was Souma’s route. As you may have noticed, I had a bit of trouble figuring out which system of choices was required for me to get to his second appearance. Other than that, everything turned out fine, although the sheer number of options was a little bit overwhelming at first. | 4/5
On the art – fantastic, as always, although there are a couple CGs that look a little funny to me (for instance, I don’t think Kazama’s Ikeda CG looks much like him). I am admittedly also not a fan of the costume recolors in most cases, but it’s not like it gets in the way of my enjoying the game. Additionally, Demons’ Bond also seems to have influenced the Yase backgrounds. We all know how I feel about Demons’ Bond as it relates to Hakuōki, so I’m not too enthusiastic about the parallels, but that’s an entirely different story. | 5/5 – odd-looking CGs and a palette swap I don’t particularly like aren’t enough to knock a point off
On the translation – …ouch. Noticed a huge amount more typos, clumsily written phrases (like using ‘gruff’ to describe someone’s hands), faulty formatting, incorrect dialogue tags, out-of-place swearing (particularly concerning the word ‘bitch’), and plain OOC dialogue (especially from Amagiri) compared to the original. I also hear that Iba’s dialogue wasn’t well-handled either, and it makes me wonder about the accuracy of the ‘new’ lines as well. I don’t have a lot of faith in this one, so I’m going to say the original translation was definitely, and markedly, better. In part because it distinguished between “the Demon” (Hijikata) and “the demon��� (Kazama) instead of inexplicably capitalizing the common noun ‘demon’ so it’s possible to confuse the two. Or ‘fury’, for that matter. Yeah, that just makes no sense to me. | 2/5
On the soundtrack – a few tracks are good, and most unremarkable, but on the whole I’d rank it roughly equivalent with the original. I am also a fan of the soundfont; electric acoustic is my jam. I’m also getting a distinctly Demons’ Bond vibe from a lot of them, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it does tend to melt into the background so that I can’t really tell the difference between several tracks at first listen. Not that it’s a big deal, but the original stood out a little more to me, I guess. | 3/5
Now, onto the routes! Please note that though the ratings I give the new routes are based exclusively on this game, the ratings I give the six old routes are in comparison to the same routes in the original game, with 1/5 being much worse; 3/5 being about the same; and 5/5 being much better.
Hijikata’s Route
Hijikata’s the same Demon Commander we all know and love, only his relationship and dynamic with Chizuru are fleshed out a little more. Chizuru’s role as his page is given a little more of a spotlight, as is her exact role as his page, and her place in the Shinsengumi as a whole feels a little more solid because of that development. Since the game ends before they reach Edo, they’re not exactly a couple, but since his Memories of Love are included, we see Hijikata’s feelings as well. Overall, this route strikes a good balance, and a believable platform for eventual romance. Which, of course, is ideal on any Implied Canon route. (I was Not Ok with Yamazaki’s death and burial at sea, though. Like… my heart.) | 4/5
Okita’s Route
Okita hasn’t changed a bit, but the reasoning behind his actions is made a little clearer, and his brotherly adoration for Kondou is also stressed a little more. As a character, he feels a little more complete, and I was able to understand his actions a little better without having to guess at his motives (for instance, he repeatedly asserts that he doesn’t like it when other people make inferences about how he or Kondou feels). Because of that, his dynamic with Chizuru also got a little more development, and although the game ends before they’re involved, I can already see the basis for their relationship in the sequel. While OkiChi admittedly felt a little bit sudden in the original, this half-route did a good job of slowing down and zooming in so we can see the shift a little more. Or at least, I could. Maybe it was because I was looking for it. | 4/5
Saito’s Route
THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. This? Right here? Perfect improvement over the original route, adding to all the right places without taking anything away. It includes just enough extra background on Saito and Chizuru and how the two of them interact to make the ship believable. Their relationship is made softer without pulling either of them out of character, and the extent of their compatibility explored. Saito offers just enough reassurance, and Chizuru is just conscious enough of her place in the relationship and in the Shinsengumi, that their development reads as very natural. Excellent. Not much else to say, just like Saito. | 5/5
Heisuke’s Route
Hoo boy. Not a lot of new content and no new CGs, but it’s not like you can do much to improve on Heisuke’s route, anyway, since it was hands down the best in the original. The few things they did add fit in well with the original flow, nothing felt out-of-place, and I was actually enjoying myself quite a bit thanks to all that wonderful HeiChi… until Sen intervened in the conflict between Kazama and Heisuke. Rather than offer herself as the mother of Kazama’s children to spare Chizuru, like in the original, she instead threatens to banish him and his entire clan for interfering with the affairs of humans. However, quite generously, she offers him amnesty if he agrees to leave Heisuke and Chizuru alone. I was… angry. Still am, in fact.
But it’s not just because I ship KazaSen; really, it’s not. It’s because altering that scene threatens the integrity of the entire plot, when you consider that Kazama will eventually join Heisuke and Chizuru in rescuing Sen. Furthermore, her authority to banish an entire clan of demons is never explained, and her threat makes no sense anyway, considering that Yase has literally worked directly for the imperial court for centuries, so she has no business telling Kazama to stand down for allying with the Satsuma. Basically, retconning that scene makes no sense, and plotholes of that magnitude have never sat well with me. I had a bitter taste in my mouth for the rest of the route, which thankfully didn’t last much longer. | 3/5 – the adorableness of HeiChi barely manages to even out the fact that my faith in the plot has been materially damaged
Harada’s Route
Yes. Good. Wonderful development between the two of them, and although there aren’t too many additions until the route split, their relationship is more firmly established—and earlier on—which makes me a little bit more okay with the more mature direction their relationship is headed. Moreover, Harada’s reassurance that Chizuru is just a normal girl and not a monster was sorely needed in the original, and I’m relieved to see that kind of closure here. Otherwise, it was largely unremarkable (in a good way), other than the fact that Shiranui talks a bit more about Takasugi. Which, by the way, was awesome; I still consider TakaShira canon until proven otherwise. | 4/5
Nagakura’s Route
Definitely sweet and enjoyable! I played this one first, so I didn’t actually get all his scenes till I focused on the walkthrough, but there were so many d’aww moments, I lost count. Honestly, they really amped up the sweetness between the two of them (including modifying some of his In Days Past to be a little more romantic), and that kind of mutual innocence is really refreshing since Nagakura’s so… ya know… suggestive. But something feels like it’s missing, and I can’t quite put my finger on it. I think it might be Toba-Fushimi, honestly; I was fine up till then, but the last couple chapters feel kind of rushed in a way I can’t explain. Still a good route, though! | 4/5
Sanan’s Route
I… really don’t have a lot of feelings about this one. I wasn’t really expecting to, considering Sanan is my least favorite, but I expected my lack of feelings to be related more to that than the fact that there’s really not much to say about it. Like, there are still a lot of inconsistencies in his personality since so many of the scenes early on are accessible on all routes, and I can’t really get a solid grasp on who he is or what his relationship is to Chizuru. The best thing I can say about his route—other than that Kaoru makes an appearance—is that Chizuru’s feelings are at least clear. | 3/5
Yamazaki’s Route
He may not appear much in the beginning, but once he starts showing up a little more often, it’s priceless. Although the relationship doesn’t have a lot of time to develop, for some reason, it doesn’t feel rushed or incomplete. Somehow, they managed to devise a pairing that doesn’t need a lot of development to be believable; they’re simply naturally suited to one another from the beginning. The dialogue and narrative can get a little saccharine at times, but I was honestly eating it up. Especially when he was holding her hand. Who’d have thought that Yamazaki, of all people, gets the closest to becoming half of a legit couple with Chizuru within the span of the first game alone? | 5/5
Iba’s Route
I… ugh… just please get him away from me. As I’ve said, you’d have to work really hard to find someone with whom I’m less personally compatible, and because I already find it difficult to put myself in Chizuru’s tabi, I could not for the life of me get into his route at all. The man’s as Mary a Sue as you’ll find anywhere. The Long-Lost, Somehow-Forgotten Childhood Friend of Chizuru, whom she miraculously remembers throughout his route, Iba is Gallant and Pacifistic and Really Nice All the Time. In fact, he Can Do No Wrong, is Inhumanly Selfless, and wants nothing more than Chizuru’s safety and happiness at any given time. He’s also On Really Good/Personal Terms with All the Captains because he also used to frequent Shiei Hall for undisclosed reasons (other than being the son of a dojo master himself—oh yeah, and he’s a master at his style of swordplay, by the way, although he’s never killed anyone because of his Incorruptible Pure Pureness).
So basically, the dude’s already wormed his way into everyone’s hearts long before the route even starts, and that just strikes me as unfair. Basically, the route relies on their pasts to create chemistry and the foundation for a ‘believable’ relationship, instead of showing how they’re suited to one another in the present. Honestly, he creeps me out more than a little. Of course, independently of his character, the plot itself is fine—if a little bland at times. I don’t exactly appreciate the reused/paralleled backgrounds from Demons’ Bond, or the random demons’ arms that just kinda come out of nowhere and don’t seem to have an apparent purpose beyond being attached to Takeda and Iba (why are they even in Yase? how come they weren’t destroyed? what the fuck?), but those are personal grudges. Anyway, yeah, definitely not my favorite. | 2/5
Souma’s Route
After the amount of heartache I had trying to get his route, I remember swearing that he’d better be the best ever. I wasn’t particularly disappointed. Souma’s like… Heisuke’s mirror image, in a way. Both are awkward oblivious sweethearts, but Heisuke’s more fun-loving, while Souma is serious to a fault. In the same way I love Heisuke and HeiChi’s dynamic, Souma and SouChi strike me as very similar. They support one another, learning and growing together, throughout the route. It’s really refreshing to see Chizuru in a different ‘kind’ of relationship, too, considering that she’s Souma’s ‘senpai’ (well, his mentor in being a page) as opposed to being one of the captains’ inferiors. There are also quite a few backstory moments in this route, which I appreciated, although a few of them read as a little bit contrived; I’d have preferred they spread it out a bit. Also, Fuck-and-Run Miki makes a great antagonist, and I’m pleased to see more of him—although I was a bit disappointed to find Kazama once again assuming the same basic role as he does in Saito’s route. Like, can we have more Heisuke’s-route-esque ‘reluctant rivalrous allies’ banter? | 4/5
Sakamoto’s Route
Okay, so… I kinda love this guy, and it’s not all because he resembles Shiranui. He’s an interesting character, and it’s nice to have a route with someone who isn’t affiliated with the Shinsengumi but isn’t also trying to kidnap Chizuru. The thing is, although I wouldn’t say the ship feels forced, Sakamoto moves really fast, like probably faster than Harada fast, considering he’s technically got the first chronological kiss CG—just not on the lips. It’s also a little less clear how, when, and why Chizuru becomes interested in him. It might just be the fact that I like the character enough to let it slide, but I didn’t have any trouble suspending disbelief long enough to squeal at their cute moments. Even though I wouldn’t say it was an incredible route, it was honestly really interesting, because it follows a completely different path than I was used to, departing from the usual set of choices. (Also, any route with more Shiranui is fine by me. I’m a shallow girl with obvious motives; so sue me.) | 4/5
Kazama’s Route
Better than the original for sure, but that’s not exactly saying much. I do like that there are actual options for raising Kazama’s affection prior to the split, because it makes the entire concept of him having a route make much more sense. I can’t say that Chizuru’s reasoning in choosing to follow him specifically makes any more sense than it did before, especially considering that she could easily have chosen to accompany someone else (I’d have chosen Shiranui, to no one’s surprise). Speaking of which, I’m also not entirely sure how I feel about Sen taking them both to Yase without the slightest suspicion about Kazama’s prior intention to abduct her, or the fact that she doesn’t instruct Amagiri to chaperone, but I can live with it because it looks like there’ll be some semblance of an actual plot this time. Meaning that Kaoru and Kodo are in league to resurrect the Yukimura clan through furies, and Kazama and Chizuru are out to stop them. Considering that Kodo’s death felt like an afterthought in Kazama’s original route, I’m all for this change. I still don’t ship KazaChi in the slightest, though. I just… can’t. | 3/5
Final Assessment
Average Meta Score (art, OST, etc.): 3.5 / 5
Average Route Score: 3.75 / 5
Verdict: Pretty Damn Good Overall [Shenanigumi Approved – Except KazaSen’s De-Canonization]
From disappointment to elation, I’ve felt it all across the board, and shed more than a few tears at varying points (and this is before I even explore the bad endings). If you don’t have this game and you’re waiting to see whether you feel like getting it or not, I don’t have any advice for you. Whether or not it’s worth it to get the game or even the system is up to you, but I hope that was enlightening!
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