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deadcactuswalking · 5 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 15th September 2019

This is a pretty damn busy week all things considered, especially in comparison to the last few weeks which have been incredibly dry, by that I mean “No new arrivals” dry, so without further ado, let’s review the charts.

Top 10

Now I’m puzzled, why hasn’t “Take Me Back to London” by Ed Sheeran featuring Stormzy, remixed by Sir Spyro with additional verses from Jaykae and Aitch (Yes, I’m saying that whole thing every time) been dethroned yet? It’s its third week at #1, and I understand that it’s Ed Sheeran making watered-down white-washed grime music which follows somewhat of a UK hip hop trend with pop sensibilities and riding off the waves of a late 2000s grime/UK garage nostalgia phase, it’s essentially the perfect #1 for late Summer-early Autumn 2019 in Britain, but come on, this isn’t a great song and it’s been so close to stepping down from this spot in the past three weeks, in fact...

Aitch may as well have dethroned himself by technicality this week, since the release of his AitcH20 mixtape (I don’t like the dude’s music but I respect the pun) has propelled his lead single “Taste (Make it Shake)” up a spot to number-two, which is a new peak but not the #1 spot as I very much expected, and dreaded, this week.

Potential #1 “Higher Love” by Kygo and the late Whitney Houston is down a spot to number-three thanks to Aitch’s impact, which fortunately, isn’t notable enough for an Album Bomb feature; neither is Post Malone’s Hollywood’s Bleeding but we will see some of that later on.

“Ladbroke Grove” by AJ Tracey is staying still at number-four.

Meanwhile, we have a humorous blunder on the BBC’s part, who said that Post Malone’s “Circles”, at number-five this week, is “down 6”, implying that Post Malone reached the impossible: A #0 spot on the UK Singles Chart. Pretty impressive. This song has grown on me, especially in album context, but I’m not bothered about it all too much still and I do think “Goodbyes” with Young Thug is miles better.

Joel Corry’s “Love Island anthem”, “Sorry” featuring uncredited vocals from Hayley May, is at number-six this week, which isn’t a change at all from last chart.

Unfortunately missing its chance of #1 now is “3 Nights” by Dominic Fike, down two spots to number-seven. I predict Fike’ll be a one-hit wonder because of his general apathy for promotion and performing live, especially since none of his other singles seem to have matched the success of his breakout song, but that debut album will be what decides it, I suppose.

Lil Tecca is down one space to number-eight with “RAN$OM”, which still isn’t plummeting fast enough – I did a UK Top 40 ranking on my Twitter @cactusinthebank and this just barely missed the bottom of that list, so if you wanted any insight on how I feel about that track, there you go.

Young T & Bugsey ride off the Aitch feature as “Strike a Pose” is up another chart position to number-nine.

Finally, we have a gain I’m ecstatic about, as “Goodbyes” by Post Malone featuring Young Thug gains a second wind, up four spaces to #10 thanks to the album release. More on that later, but I’m glad this returned to the top 10, it is a near-perfect pop song.

Climbers

I’m ecstatic about this gain too as Regard’s Jay Sean remix, “Ride It”, is up 10 spaces (or “down 10” – thanks, BBC) off the debut to #15, becoming Regard’s first ever UK Top 20. Congratulations, but man, who cares? Jay Sean has another hit. It’s his ninth UK Top 20 hit overall and first ever since 2010, I hope this guy makes a comeback. Speaking of people getting their first UK Top 20 hits, “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I had an unexpected boost 12 spaces up to #19, becoming her first ever as well. There are no other climbers but there are a ton of fallers, so...

Fallers

I think I need for the first time in months to separate these fallers by genre, so...

In reverse order of how high up these songs are on the chart unless noted, and starting with pop, EDM and rock(?), “bad guy” by Billie Eilish (Featuring Justin Bieber, kind of) is down six spaces to #37 as this one’s definitely on its way out. Skipping two songs for the sake of the writing to flow, “Ritual” by Tiesto, Jonas Blue and Rita Ora is down four to #28, “Someone You Love” by Lewis Capaldi is down six to #27, “Castles” by Freya Ridings is down six as well to #26, “Beautiful People” by Ed Sheeran featuring Khalid is down five to #24 and “boyfriend” by Social House featuring Ariana Grande is down five to #22.

Our second genre is Taylor Swift, as “You Need to Calm Down” has an end to its second wind thanks to the Lover album release, down eight spots to #36 (It’ll be out pretty soon), and the title track (That’s “Lover”) is down nine positions to #31.

Our third and final genre category worth noting is hip hop and R&B, starting with MIST and Fredo dropping a whopping 26 spaces to #35 with “So High”, just as I start to actually like this song, thanks to what are probably streaming cuts... and that’s actually all for that genre. Huh. Maybe I shouldn’t have split this in the first place.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

Our drop outs seem to all be songs from the last stretch of the charts, in fact all of last week’s #36-#40 have been replaced this week, mostly some songs barely holding onto the UK Top 40, specifically in the realm of hip-hop seemingly, with “I Spy” by Krept & Konan, K-Trap and Headie One dropping out from #39 and “Location” by Dave featuring Burna Boy out from #40, as well as “Wish You Well” by Sigala featuring Becky Hill from #38, while some recent debuts are also out of the chart. “The Man” by Taylor Swift is out from #36 but won’t be back and is probably the result of a combination of a busy week and Lover hype dying off, while “Lalala” by Y2K and bbno$ is out from #37 off of the debut, but will re-enter next week at even possibly a higher position actually. It’s just because it’s a busy week and it happened to break in late, it’s not losing in performance.

There are no returning entries so let’s get into the most EPIC part of the show:

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Slide Away” – Miley Cyrus

Produced by Andrew Wyatt and Mike WiLL Made-It – Peaked at #11 in Slovakia and #47 in the US

You’d be hard-pressed to find a Miley Cyrus song I enjoy, even in eras people seem to praise like Bangerz and... well, just Bangerz. I don’t think I’ll ever be a fan of Cyrus to be honest, I’m definitely not a fan of the slight country twang she has in her voice and I never think her production is any good or even worthwhile, usually provided by Mike WiLL. It’s either completely misguided and cringeworthy like SHE IS COMING or to an even worse extent, Miley Cyrus and Her Dead Petz, or generic, country-influenced pop slush like her Disney efforts and once again to an even worse extent, Younger Now. I did see a lot of buzz about this track in particular that seemed pretty positive, and I’ve got to say, it took her 16 UK Top 40 hits and a music video being released recently, but she’s finally got a charting song that I like, in fact, I might love this. Those slick guitar riffs that start the song off as well as soulful pitch-shifted vocals set a really sombre atmosphere, propelled by the trap percussion with 808s that really dig into the centre of the mix, and an odd scatting and incoherent vocal sample, which is actually an interesting addition and probably Mike WiLL’s contribution. The chorus here is insanely powerful, with Cyrus’ country twang being more subtle and overall, her performance here is a lot more bearable than normal. The swell the airy synths have here especially in the hook is less non-descript than most modern pop and doesn’t present any grandiosity like you’d expect, especially backed by the strings. It sounds more like acceptance, which is incredibly fitting for the subject matter, which as a result from Cyrus’ split with one of the Hemsworths, is focused on how she wants to safely move on rather than focusing on the past as it’s pretty unhealthy especially as she’s now a grown woman (Which she points out in the pre-chorus), with the fully instrumental and surprisingly lengthy outro (Really love the subtle touches there as well, as the vocal sample comes back briefly as well) full of vocodered synth brass and strings flailing out and going nowhere... much like her marriage. Was that on purpose? Probably not, actually, I doubt Mike WiLL really cares, he was probably there to programme some trap drums that sounded a tad sombre and then move on to giving Rae Sremmurd a reason to be making music. Yeah, this is pretty great, although I’d prefer the writing to be a little less undercooked, with a variation on the verse rather than a simple reprise, but I’m not complaining about how it is now really, considering this is a massive improvement on... pretty much everything else. Check it out if you haven’t already.

#38 – “Liar” – Camila Cabello

Produced by watt, The Monsters and the Strangerz and Jon Bellion – Peaked at #13 in Singapore and #56 in the US

I love how history repeats itself. In 2017, Camila Cabello released a double A-side single of sorts, with a trendy pop song following what was popular at the time and a slightly left-field Latin-tinged R&B cut. The trendy pop song, “OMG” with Quavo, underperformed, although the Latin-tinged R&B cut with the incoherent Young Thug guest verse was “Havana”, a #1 hit and one of the most popular songs of the decade, later ending up on the album. Similarly, the “dark pop” Billie Eilish rip-off that is “Shameless” was given the obvious label push but fans seem to really prefer the Latin one, “Liar”, which shows they should probably stop marketing Cabello as a pop star, but we’ll see how that goes in a few months when the album releases. For now, however, we’ve got “Liar”... wait, why the hell does Lionel Richie have a writing credit?

Okay, so I’ve covered 1994’s Year-End list for a Top 5 Best and Worst Hit Songs feature, and I’ve listened to the 1984 list as well for a Top 10 Best Hit Songs feature for that one, and as I guess is a gift of fate, one of the best songs from the 1994 list and one of the worst from the 1984 list are both sampled and/or interpolated in this Camila Cabello song, and trust me, once you hear both of them, you can’t un-hear them, and I heard them immediately. It’s not subtle, but it doesn’t necessarily need to be, the song can still be a catchy pop ditty with the blatant sample... but no amount of Melodyne and vocal manipulation can help Cabello from her rubbery and squeaky, slightly off-key(?) falsetto cooing. It’s not sensual or “Broken”, it just sounds awful. Oh, yeah, and the ska beat is mediocre, with hilariously plastic horns, especially in comparison with “Havana”... Honestly, replacing Pharrell with Jon Bellion and removing Young Thug entirely is probably the worst decision the label made. Nothing here is enticing except an admittedly tight bassline, but what’s the point? Just listen to “All That She Wants” by Ace of Base, download some extra FL Studio saxophone sound effects (Even though the cheap horns in the original are dated, they sound a lot better than the recreation here), and you’ve got a somewhat better version of this song. It’s a weak effort, but my expectations weren’t high in the first place. Still better than “All Night Long (All Night)” though, but that’s a pretty difficult feat.

#21 – “Buss Down” – Aitch featuring ZieZie

Produced by Mojam

Remember ZieZie? I wrote paragraphs on paragraphs about that “Fine Girl” song he had but it really was an enigma to me at the time and still kind of is. Anyway, this is the instant grat single and breakout song from Aitch’s second mixtape, AitcH20 (There are layers to that pun and I respect it). I don’t care about Aitch all that much, he just seems to be a safer alternative and pretty accessible guest rapper, like your grandmother’s favourite British trap artist. This is his fifth UK Top 40 single and ZieZie’s second (I never thought I’d say those two words in my life)... but first of all, I commented on this when I talked about “Fine Girl” but the dude’s released more singles so it’s even more jarring now – why is his pre-fame single “Low Life” still listed on Spotify as “ZieZie- “Low Life”” in both the album and track title? He’s signed to a major label, he’s on one of the biggest UK rappers’ promo single, how has no-one fixed this? Sigh, well, the song’s okay. It’s very much not a trap cut, it takes some influence from the Afroswing that people like MoStack make, especially with the piano riff that’s used as the main synth melody, as well as some cute 808s and an admittedly great hook from ZieZie... but the beat doesn’t change and Aitch is existent. The chorus is four lines, all of which sung twice in one chorus, which happens four times in the song. It’s mostly Aitch with corny lyrics and a really sloppy flow on the verses, with a third verse from ZieZie that is absolutely dreadful, pushes this song to mediocre for me. Not only is it incoherent enough for there to be some [?]s on Genius still, but it’s about taking your girl... but letting ZieZie’s friend have sex with your girl, although apparently your girl likes it when her and ZieZie have rough sex, even though your girl is having sex with ZieZie’s friend instead and your girl loves how caring ZieZie is... Huh?

#20 – “Sounds of the Skeng” – Stormzy

Produced by Sir Spyro

Now, THIS is some good British hip hop. This is Stormzy’s 17th UK Top 40 hit and tenth UK Top 20 single, and it’s pretty great. I understand why it didn’t have a Top 5 debut like the sweet gospel-pop number “Crown” or addictive bop that is “Vossi Bop”, because this is just straight-up grime. It’s not UK garage, there aren’t any pop beats or Jorja Smith vocal samples, it doesn’t go soft, it goes hard. It’s produced by Sir Spyro, it has three rapidly-flowing verses, and it’s an absolute banger. You can barely even hear Stormzy under the dramatic synths and bursts of brass, but you can tell he’s just going and going and going. The only sense of melody we get in this bass-rattling single really, other than the synths and smooth jazz horns in the left channel, is the producer tag that plays briefly in the chorus and never again. There are several moments here I just love, not even necessarily lyrical moments although those are usually on point here, but Stormzy’s wild inflections throughout. Most verses start with a simple, Westernised modern flow and then go into a more speedy and aggressive delivery that barely doesn’t clip in the mix. The first verse is comparatively relaxed, with a pretty lazy cadence, making a pretty obscure Kendrick Lamar reference for whatever reason, with the “Perfect!” sample from Street Fighter perfectly implemented. I like how the first verse seems more like a threat while the second verse and third verse are right into the action, as he asks “old Mike” not to resurface, and in the chorus, even mentions old persona Wicked Skengman or Mr. Skeng. The title of the song has a lot of thought into it as well, being a reference to The Sound of Music juxtaposed with grimey London slang term “Skeng” and the Sir Spyro producer tag, “Sounds of the Sir”. Stormzy starts dissing British rappers who use too much Americanised slang and beat selection in the second verse, with lazy, dismissive ad-libs almost mocking trap-rappers overseas like Migos, and then he reaches the peak of the song. The second verse, personally my favourite, is where he has a machine gun flow enraged outburst, and it is insane, mentioning his two BRIT Award wins while also keeping an impressive delivery that is pretty much just really quick yelling, it’s really intense, but he sounds focused and determined. The third verse is the cooldown, paying tribute to So Solid Crew and their flow and ad-libs, as well as some pretty clever wordplay regarding other rappers Flipz and MIST, as well as Giggs, whose song “Whippin’ Excursion” is rhymed with a brag about how tall he is. He’s 6’5’’, which is towering above me. All three verses here have their own unique flow and cadence, as well as theme seemingly, but that’s not all that clear right now. I’m excited for this one in album context, but this is great already. Check it out.

#11 – “Hollywood’s Bleeding” – Post Malone

Produced by Louis Bell and Brian Lee

Really? The title track? I mean, understandable, it’s the first song on the album and it’s not a bad song at all, but there are so many better and more interesting songs on the album that you’d figue would debut high. “Saint-Tropez”, the “Wow.”-type banger? “Enemies” with DaBaby? The awesome alt-rock banger “Allergic”? Kanye West-produced “Internet”? Future and Halsey pretty much saving the ballad “Die for Me”? Hell, I figured the record-breaking “Take What You Want” with Travis Scott and the legendary Ozzy Osbourne of Black Sabbath would be the obvious choice to chart in the UK, it has Ozzy on it for goodness’ sake! Thanks to UK chart rules, this is the only track from the #1 album allowed though, and it’s not a bad song at all, far from it. It’s just a good more than half of the album, which admittedly is pretty great especially for a Post Malone album, is better than it, most by far. Regardless, it’s Post’s twelth UK Top 40 hit and 11th UK Top 20 hit, and it’s a pretty good introductory song. I should note though, that Post’s last album, beerbongs & Bentleys, also had its non-single intro track with no features, “Paranoid”, also co-produced by Louis Bell, debut and peak at #11, just more than a year ago. What a coincidence. Anyway, the song (And album may I add) starts with some sombre vocals from Post complaining about Hollywood and he sounds pretty great, with less strained vocals than usual and a slight warble which I’m actually a fan of, which is well integrated into the chorus, but when that trap beat hits, it knocks. It’s a great drop. Otherwise, eh, I love Post’s performance here, with a lot of flow shifts throughout both verses, but it’s a pretty standard beat until that one note Post holds into a beat switch, with a very glitchy rock beat with oddly mixed 808s, and it sounds pretty great... until it’s gone in like less than 10 seconds. Good song, but nowhere close to his best.

Conclusion

All things considered, this is a pretty great week. I’d probably give Best of the Week to Stormzy for “Sounds of the Skeng” with tied Honourable Mention going to Miley Cyrus and Post Malone for “Slide Away” and “Hollywood’s Bleeding”. Worst of the Week is going to Camila Cabello for just plain mediocrity in “Liar”, so Aitch is scot-free (Although ZieZie is both the best and worst part of that song). Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for, to be honest, SpongeBob memes and very infrequent musical commentary and ramblings, and I’ll see you next week!

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