#did i cry in the bathroom at work abt it? perhaps.

[summercreolefanfictioner]

the Sakamaki brothers as break-up or unrequited love songs (plus scenarios / headcanons)

A/N: Before I dove into the world of Dialovers, I actually wrote smut angst fics and I usually listen to sad songs (no, I am not brokenhearted and my love life is doing well). This made me picture scenarios that would fit these bastards (cause as always Yui deserve better)

WARNING: Contains violence and a bit of smut (NSFW in short)

SHUU SAKAMAKI

"So sad, so sad, I could never make you stay

Too bad, too bad, I could never walk away"

Hmm a brokenhearted Shuu is like a blank canvas whatever

He basically doesn't want to do anything with his broken heart

I picture him falling in love with a mortal so deep but at the same time he didn't want to indulge in those feelings

Cause the last time he got attached with a mortal, they died (Yuma is still alive but still)

So yeah he be just listening to some sad songs all week

"And now I know I will regret it,

I'd rather keep it all inside"

But in case he decides to pursue this mortal, I think she would be at arm's length

Like he wouldn't indulge deeper than what they have cause someday she will die and boy he has attachment issues

Hence the second song

REIJI SAKAMAKI

"I know I'm just a fool who's willing

To sit around and wait for you

But baby, can't you see there's nothing else for me to do?"

Hmm honestly Reiji was the hardest

And yes, I had @yourlocaltea to help me on this one

Because I can't see Reiji crying over someone tbh

I picture girls crying over him and this famous Olivia Newton-John song would really work

Cause we all know that Reiji has dated girls for the sake of image so maybe one of them really fell in love w/ him

Too bad, he only sees them for his family image

But if he does fall for them, the second song will fit

"I’m no longer alone when I’m by myself

I can feel you even when you’re not here"

If you have watched the ending of this Kdrama aka What Happened in Bali, you prob know what I mean

Let's say the girl left him and found another man

You might think Reiji is being Kanato here but this man won't let you betray him after all he did

He prob gonna murder you in his own Reiji way 💀💀💀

But if he doesn't go the yandere route, he just gonna give you up... hmm... hopefully

AYATO SAKAMAKI

"First you say you won't then you say you will

You keep me hangin' on and we're not movin' on"

I am excited for this one cause as you all know Ayato is my first main diaboy (even before my Kanato simping arc)

I have actually told this to @moonderly and @samsvenn about the possibility of Ayato having an ex who has the fickle heart of Jenny (as mentioned from the same song)

Like at first they're okay, then afterwards they fight over nothing

I even think she's gonna cheat on him w/o him knowing

Or perhaps he knows but decides to think like "oh you want to play then fine I'll play your game and win"

But he is a sore loser

Ayato would prob be the one doing the begging (w/c is unlikely him) and it's all bcos he believes the girl will call him Oresama afterwards

Too bad she doesn't

"Last year's wishes are this year's apologies every last time I come home

I take my last chance to burn a bridge or two

I only keep myself this sick in the head 'cause I know how the words get you off"

Another song that would fit him would be this one

Cause I swear Ayato can be a target of those girls who just like to have fun and dump boys

Ayato be spouting he's an Oresama but these girls would give no sht abt it

If Ayato decides to get a bit serious, it would also be the time they dump him

This fuckboy is a loser in a friends with benefits situation

KANATO SAKAMAKI

"Good for you, you're doing great out there without me, baby

God, I wish that I could do that

I've lost my mind, I've spent the night crying on the floor of my bathroom

But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it"

This one is also hard

Because I have so many scenarios for Kanato

But breakups and unrequited love don't end well for Kanato so he prob would add this poor being to his doll collection

He's actually sarcastic abt it... at first

"Wow, you're smiling now. How shameless of you."

And afterward, he says, "How dare you do that to me? It's unfair, you know? Why isn't it me? Why him?"

Or "I gave you everything you want and now this is how you repay me?!"

"I won't let you betray me, NEVER AGAIN"

"And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

'Cause your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone"

But once he comes down from his rage and intense emotions, that's when he really starts to cry and mourn

Kanato actually has nightmares of this person staying for a while, only to leave him crying

Like he would have an internal conflict where he wants you to go leave him, but he doesn't want you to belong to someone else

TANTRUMS GALORE

"This is all your fault! I'm suffering bcos you left me! (uhhh... you killed her???) 🤡🤡🤡

"You should've just dropped dead even before I loved you."

Anyway, she's a part of his doll collection now so she won't be going away anytime soon

LAITO SAKAMAKI

"The other woman will never have his love to keep

And as the years go by, the other woman

Will spend her life alone"

This song would actually be more about the girls he be toying with

Cause honestly loving Laito is like agreeing to be his plaything and there are many of you out there

In short, every single one of you is the other woman

Fvcking perv

Ofc what do you expect

This guy will never be serious and he would prob mess with your mind and heart until he throws you away

But if you manage to crawl deep in his heart and leave it wounded, then...

"You were the mermaid for me

Till one day, you found your feet

Leaving me in the God-awful bottle,

a model of heartache and grief"

I picture Laito drinking somewhere, prob a nearby pub or by himself at the manor

Like he would waste the night away because of a woman he can't mess with

For some reason, this reminds me a tiny bit of Helen and Laito's relationship (shoutout to @nutaella-kookie)

Like what if Helen broke up with Laito and she's like no turning back 💀💀💀

But what do you expect? Laito never believes in love anyway

SUBARU SAKAMAKI

"I should actually hate you

The more I embrace you, it hurts

Although when morning comes,

I will look for you again"

In relation to my headcanon abt Subaru falling in love w/ his teacher, this is actually a song that identifies his moving on stage

Like he probs like to tell this little lie that he'll move on but he actually doesn't

The type to do anything for a girl to stay even tho she can't give up her humanity for him

This guy gets waaaaaay attached emotionally

But unlike Kanato, he accepts his fate and takes all the blame

He's also actually like Shuu and would prob play sad songs on repeat

Most of them will be really sad, like how Scarlet Heart Ryeo made me cry

But in case he wants to switch things up, he'll prob play this one

"So what if I can't forget you?

I'll burn your name into my throat

I'll be the fire that'll catch you

And what's so good about picking up the pieces?

What if I don't even want to?"

Like ya know emo hardcore heartbreak ya know???

Actually, in my headcanon, Kanato sang Scarborough Fair to him and he cried at the lines "Remember me to the one who lives there. She once was a true love of mine."

YES SUBARU CRYING DUE TO HEARTBREAK LIVES RENT-FREE IN MY HEAD

[ichigoromi]

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐈𝐓 | 𝐌𝐒𝐁𝐘 𝐅𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 | 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐲𝐮𝐮 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧

GUYS AND GIRLS AND MY NON-BINARY MATES! IT'S OKAY TO STOP WHENEVER YOU WANT. DO NOT FEEL OBLIGATED TO CONTINUE JUST BECAUSE YOUR PARTNER WANTS. CONSENT IS BOTH WAYS.

Okay, yeah, I just want to put that out because I've seen some of my acquaintances or heard stories going through some traumatic shit because they weren't ready but were forced to go through it.

Pairing (s): MSBY Four — Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shoyo, Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi x fem! reader, all characters are aged up!

Genre: romance, fluff

Warning (s): mentions of sex, pre-marital sex, suggestive themes, toxic friends, peer pressure, sexual assault not suitable for 18 and under. 18 and under DNI.

a/n - not going to lie; I always feel uncomfy while writing kissing or seggs scenes because I have no idea how it feels. Do people really suck their partner's tongue while making out? I have tons of questions, but my irl friends are like me, we have no knowledge abt kissing...

Enjoy~!

Bokuto Koutarou

Bokuto is your first boyfriend, and he is your first for everything.

He is always patient and never rushes you.

You two always do things at your pace because he doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable.

But, you know that sooner or later, you two would have sex.

And the thought of it scares you.

You were brought up in a traditional and conservative family; sex was never really mentioned.

Most of your friends are experienced and often give you advice on how to do it.

Some of your 'friends' told you that he will leave you if you don't have sex with him soon.

You're an insecure individual, so hearing those, you can't help but feel obligated to have sex with him soon.

Bokuto has a high EQ, and he easily noticed that you were feeling upset.

Since you didn't want to worry him, you reassure him that you were okay.

After three years of dating, was he going to leave you because you two couldn't have sex because of you?

Bokuto pulls you onto his lap, and you gently loop your arms around his neck to bring him closer to you. You kissed him back with as much passion as he was, and he sneaks his hands underneath your shirt to massage your stomach gently.

You softly moaned when he slips his tongue into yours, and he playfully sucks on it.

He stops kissing your lips and slowly kisses his way down to your neck, and sucks on your collarbones, leaving light love bites on them. Your breath hitched when you felt him cupping your breast; you immediately pushed his hands away.

At first, Bokuto felt a bit taken back by your reaction, then he saw your glassy eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong? You can tell me." He tries to touch you, but you shook your head.

"I'm not ready...I don't want to do this, Kou. Are you going to leave me?" Bokuto was confused; why the hell would you come to a conclusion that ridiculous just because you didn't want to have sex with him?

He cups your face and makes you face him.

"Babe, it's okay if you're not ready. We don't have to do this if you don't want to. We can stop. I'll never leave you. Was it those friends of yours again? Dump them. If my baby doesn't want to have sex, then we shall not. We shall do it when you're ready, okay? Don't feel pressured by them; we do this at our pace. Now, do you want to watch a movie and cuddle?" You meekly nodded your head, and he kisses your forehead and on the lips.

Bokuto went back to the room and came back with a big fleece blanket.

"Virgin or not, I will always love you. Don't listen to the rubbish they are talking about. If you wanna have sex, we can do it. As long you are comfortable, that is all I want. Don't blame yourself, okay?" He flicked your forehead when he noticed your sad pout.

He set up the TV and dims the lights in the living room. You sat in his lap, and he wraps the blanket around the two of you as the movie starts playing.

"Kou, I love you. Thank you for being so understanding." You thanked him and kisses his cheek.

"I love you too." Bokuto pulls you closer and kisses the top of your head.

Miya Atsumu

Atsumu loves you a lot.

You were the first girlfriend he has brought home to his parents, and Osamu approves of you.

It seems like he has found his match. His fans were glad to see him in a relationship where he is genuinely happy.

Before Atsumu, you dated a couple of guys, and it was all bad experiences.

Your first boyfriend forced you to give your virginity to him, and he was older, so you thought that was what you're supposed to do in a relationship.

The second guy just took advantage of your vulnerability and exploit you in the worst possible ways.

You met Atsumu while working as a pilates instructor, and their's team trainer introduced you to him.

And you two have been dating for about two years after knowing for about a year.

Sex...you two did talk about it, but you were just not ready to do it after all the traumatic experiences.

And, he was okay with it.

You felt bad because sometimes you can hear him touching himself, yet you can't help him with his needs.

"Tsumu, let's do it." You climb into his lap and captures his lips into yours. He was surprised, but nonetheless, he loves kissing you. He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you closer to him.

His hands crept up to your inner thighs, and he starts massaging your thighs.

You felt a bit squirmish and slight discomfort, but you ignored it and starts kissing down his neck, leaving love bites, and you helped him removed his shirt.

Atsumu knows you well, and he noticed your expression. Even though it was subtle, he noticed how you were slightly uncomfortable and when he touches you, you flinched by reflex.

All the small actions that you unconsciously do make him realised that you were forcing yourself to do.

"Hey, we don't have to do it if you're not ready. You don't have to force yourself." Hearing him say that, you broke down in tears.

He holds you securely and pats your back in a comforting manner as you cry.

Even though you wanted to do it, he sensed that you were uncomfortable and decided to stop you. He noticed that you were not ready and immediately stopped and comforted you; it made you realise that he is not like your exes.

"Babe, we can do it when you're ready to do it. No need to rush yourself; I can wait. I'm not going to leave just because we are not having sex." He comforted you and nodded your head.

You lifted up your head, and his heart ached at the sight of your tear-stained cheeks.

"I'm sorry for not being able to things like a normal couple. I just thought that you might leave me if we don't have sex..." He shook his head and cups your face in his hands.

"I can wait as long as you are ready to do it. I'm not going to leave you just because we can't have sex. If I have any urges, I'll just touch myself or something. I want you to feel that you are safe with me and under no pressure. If you don't want to have sex, we don't have to. Is that clear?" He stroke your cheeks gently.

"Thank you for being so patient. I just feel-" Atsumu shuts you up by kissing you on the lips.

"No more feeling bad in this house! Let's watch your favourite show and order takeout, okay?" He was desperately trying to comfort you.

"Okay, I'll stop feeling bad. I love you." You leaned in to kiss his lips.

"I love you too. Now, I'll go get you one of my hoodies and we can cuddle more after I go calm myself down. See you in a bit!" He pecks your lips and rushed off to the bathroom.

Hinata Shōyō

He may look innocent, but Hinata probably has more experience than you.

But this guy has tons of patience when it comes to you.

You knew him since young since he was a neighbour of yours.

After graduating high school, you two reconnected and started dating shortly.

So, you two have been dating for three years, and there has never been a dull moment with him.

However, your friends ask about your sex life, but the two of you literally did nothing. The most you guys did was make out.

It's not you guys are super pure or innocent; you two felt there wasn't a need to have sex.

But how long can he last without having sex?

So you decided to ask him directly about it.

The two of you were just chilling on the sofa after dinner. You snuggled against him, and he wraps his arms around you and pulls you closer to him. When you two entered into the relationship, you guys promised each other to always be open.

Communication was the key to a stable relationship, and it was bugging you.

"Babe, are you okay without having sex? We've been going out for three years, and we never had sex. I just want to know your opinion about it." It was direct, and he never expects to have this kind of talk with you.

He thinks for a moment and hugs you tighter.

"Well, I am fine without it since I've been so busy training. I just want to spend time with you, sex or no sex; I love being around you. And, it's your body too. When you are ready, you can just tell me. No need to rush." He kisses your cheeks, and you nodded your head.

"Okay, I just want to know. You know, because my friends are talking about how sex is the one factor keeping their man. What about you?" You poked his cheeks, and he pouts.

"I'm not that horny! Anyways, I love coming home to your cooking and how you decorate our apartment and our dates! Not all relationships are like that...Or perhaps, you are the horny one in this relationship?" He scooted over from you and gasped.

You rolled your eyes at his dramatic self.

"You are the horny one! I caught you doing it in the bathroom!"

"You did it too! You left your dildo by the bathroom counter!"

The two of you burst out laughing at each other.

"Alright, we can do it whenever you are ready. Wait, we are going to miss the show! Turn on the TV!"

Sakusa Kiyoomi

Both of you are pretty direct in your relationship since you guys prioritise communication.

The talk of sex never really come up in your conversation.

You two have not moved in together yet but are looking at potential places to move in together.

Your parents were happy to hear you two were finally getting your own place after dating for five years and are engaged now.

Both of you rarely have the time to meet since you both are busy, but Sundays are meant for dates.

Your friends are shocked to hear that you and Sakusa never have sex throughout your relationship, not even once.

Maybe you two could just keep in your pants 👀.

Obviously, you two almost did it, but both of you stopped each other before it went further.

Sakusa himself has a lot of restraint but sometimes, seeing you in his shirt and cooking in his kitchen really turns him on.

He stood up from the sofa and approached you from the back. You jumped slightly when he wrapped his arms around your waist and leaned his chin on your shoulder.

"Wait a bit; good food takes time to cook. You can have some strawberries if you're hungry. My uncle sent some from his farm." He was not looking for some strawberries.

Sakusa softly kisses the nape of your neck; you accidentally let out a moan when he sucks on your sensitive spot. His naughty hands slyly sneak under your shirt and touch your stomach, leaving feathery touches below your bra.

He never stops kissing your neck, and you knew this might end up in the bedroom if you don't stop him and no dinner for you two.

"Kiyoomi, stop. I'm not ready yet." You told him firmly, and he stops immediately.

You turn down the stove and turns around to face him. He looked away, feeling guilty that he lost his rationality when he saw you in his shirt.

"Hey, don't feel bad. I stopped you, didn't I? That's all that matter." He lets out a deep sigh and pulls you into his embrace.

"I'm sorry. Seeing you in my shirt, I lost my rationality. You look so damn hot in it." He confessed, and you burst out laughing.

Sakusa frowned and cups your face to make you look at him.

"Fine, I won't laugh but get those strawberries and get out of the kitchen." You loop your arms around his neck to bring him down to your height for a kiss.

He lets you go and got the strawberries to the living room but his eyes were admiring your back as you return back to cooking.

YAASSSSSSS! I'M DONE!

I'm so happy that I have finished writing this! Hope you all enjoyed this! Thank you for reading!

Stay safe and healthy!

With love,

Rosalie🍓

[boba-beom]

[key | f – fluff | m – smut/mature | s – suggestive | a – angst | r – requested | c – collab | ❀ – favourite]

note: nsfw are clearly marked with the designated key, so, MDNI otherwise I will block ♡

requests: closed

works in the drafts | last updated: jan 9 ‘22

OT5

➳ HEADCANONS:

･ txt finally meeting you while in a long distance relationship beomgyu & hueningkai | yeonjun, soobin & taehyun | f | ❀

･ txt babysitting kids with you | f | ❀

･ txt’s love language | f | ❀

･ txt’s types of romantic relationships | f | ❀

･ who gets hurt | a | ❀

･ when you’re not dating but you’re not just friends | f

➳ REACTIONS:

･ neck kisses | f | ❀

･ calling them pretty | f

➳ SERIES:

OT5 / selected members

･ Valentines day | f | (on hold)

･ kiss me more | f | s | Yeonjun | Beomgyu

･ all I think about is you | f | s | Soobin ft. Taehyun (on hold until further notice)

➳ DRABBLES:

･ Ice cream and Fries | f | r

･ mini blurb | f 

➳ TIME STAMPS:

･ [15:30] | f

･ [17:53] | m | r

･ [19:15] | m 

➳ THOUGHTS:

hard thoughts:

･ subby!soobin

･ soobin and his 'mirrored' ceiling

soft thoughts: loading...

➳ ONESHOTS:

･ fellow associate | f | r

･ late gifts | f

･ be good | f , m

･ fall for you | f, s

➳ DRABBLES:

･ Mid Summer | f | r

･ Hi, hello | f

･ text me good night | f | ❀

･ arcade date | f | ❀

･ 13th september | f

･ mini blurb | f 

･ clay candy | f

･ 'oh yeah?' | s, m

･ forever valentine | f | ❀

･ can't take my eyes off of you | f | ❀

➳ TIME STAMPS:

･ [01:05] college!au | f | ❀

･ [20:38] | f

➳ THOUGHTS:

hard thoughts:

･ handjob with acrylic nails

･ handjob with acrylic nails 2

･ fratboy!yeonjun at a party

･ in the bathroom with yj (ask)

soft thoughts:

･ yj casually flirting with you (ask)

･ yj casually flirting with you pt 2 (ask)

➳ ONESHOTS:

･ trapped in your game | m (community labelled)

･ midnight snacks | f | s

･ airport crush 2 ft. beomgyu | f | m | ❀

➳ SOCIAL MEDIA AU:

･ just friends? | f

➳ DRABBLES:

･ I can do it | f

･ bubble masks | r | f

･ I’m grateful you’re mine | f

･ mini blurb | f 

➳ TIME STAMPS:

･ [01:24] | m

･ [22:06] | a | f

･ [20:30] | a — prequel | f 

･ [13:37] | m

➳ THOUGHTS:

hard thoughts:

･ long hair!gyu giving you head

･ reuniting with childhood bff!gyu

･ longhair!gyu giving you head pt 2 ft taehyun

･ me and @/fairyofshampgyu crying abt gyu (reblogs)

soft thoughts: loading...

➳ MINI SERIES:

･ Santa Tell Me | part 1 | part 2 | f | m

summary: It’s your first Christmas with Beomgyu, and what better way to spend it than to spend it with him? You plan something for him, but he’s not the only one receiving a surprise.

･ I Like U | f  | on hold

synopsis: after meeting one of your best friend’s friends, you initially found him attractive and thought he’d be a careless crush that would soon dissipate into nothing. that is, until a series of events proved you wrong and perhaps those feelings lingered longer than they should have. would something become of it?

➳ ONESHOTS:

･ whisker dimples | f | ❀

･ hold my hand | f | ❀

･ airport crush | m

･ your person | f

･ stay still | m | ❀

･ I Like U (sorry, I never meant to) | f | s

➳ DRABBLES:

･ Candlelit | f | r 

･ Staring Contest | f | r

･ here for you | f | r

➳ TIME STAMPS:

･ [16:29] | f | ❀

➳ THOUGHTS:

hard thoughts:

･ bfb!taehyun at the club

･ taehyun giving you head ft gyu

･ bf!taehyun

soft thoughts: loading...

➳ ONESHOTS:

･ americano | f  

･ second heartbeat | f | s

･ with you | f | ❀

･ well hidden | f | s | ❀

･ nobody but you | f | s | ❀

･ skate to my heart | f

➳ SOCIAL MEDIA AU:

･ they don’t know | a

･ we did that too | a

➳ DRABBLES:

･ 14th august 1:00AM | f

･ morning pancakes | r | f

➳ ONESHOTS:

･ super shy | f | s | ❀

➳ THOUGHTS:

hard thoughts: virgin bf subby!hyuka | m

soft thoughts: loading...

© BOBA-BEOM ; do not repost, copy, alter or translate in any way.

[gojology]

Job Benefits (Part Three)

broken routines - chapter three.

you can find part two here : 

part two : undesirable pairing : ceo! gojo x female reader warnings : cursing wordcount : 1442 a/n : im highly disappointed with this but im very hyped abt writing part 4 and uh i need to change my writing style sooner or later wtf is this mess LOL

     If there’s one thing Gojo knows more then his own body, it’s routines.       It’s what he grew up around, coming from such a bustling family. Since he learned how to walk, he had attended many interviews, gone to parties, all in one day. Of course, it was commonplace in his already hectic life. He saw routine in everything.      Imagine his shock when you came into the office in an outfit that differed so greatly from your regular one that his jaw might unhinge and fall off.      He can’t wrap his head around why, but he’s utterly confused as to why you changed this up. Was it permanent, and why the change? He had many questions going through his head. This is one of the many negative traits Gojo Satoru has; he thinks his input is important, even though the majority of time it is... Maybe it was somewhat justified. But he doesn’t realize how unnecessary it comes out to be when no one asked.      No one had ever told him no, of course they hadn’t, he was ranked nationally as an important kid due to his wit and charismatic personality, essential for entering the business industry.     When he opened his mouth to speak, even at 8 years old at his parent’s conferences, the old professionals would all look at him, keenly waiting for his orders, or perhaps his opinion. This was what he grew up having; so naturally he didn’t know any boundaries, nor did he know when to close his mouth.      But that’s besides the point, he thoroughly enjoyed the look on you.     He takes his normal trip down the hallway into your office, humming a tune, a messy stack of papers in one hand, a custom ceramic mug in the other; made personally just for him. He expects to see you in your regular outfit, a pencil skirt, white t-shirt, the short clicky heels, and the black blazer. It certainly made for an excellent example of casual, formal attire.      Unexpectedly, you’re not. You’re calling someone, phone perched delicately on your shoulder almost as if it’s supposed to slip out, your hair framing your face. Lips parting as you start responding to whatever is on the opposite side, and he notices an evident gloss, your lips are a different color too.      You glance up at him and gesture to your phone, and his hands are shoved deep into his pockets, taking this extra time to examine you up and down. White turtleneck, layered alongside a slightly unbuttoned dress shirt with a crisp warm toned brown trench coat. Not too long, not too short.       Simple gold jewelry adorned your neck, and his eyes caught onto the gold bracelet that jingled on your arm as you swayed it around; he kinda found it cute how even when the person you were talking to wasn’t in front of you, you were still so animated.      Gojo can’t see your pants nor your shoes, but he’s about to enter cardiac arrest because truthfully he didn’t expect that you knew how to dress.     “What?” you say, words dripping with venom and menace, putting the phone back down. He’s taken aback, what’s with the tone?      “What do you mean, what, (Y/N)?” giving you a shit eating grin, he takes a step closer to your table.     “Answer my question, I asked first.” you shot back, now crossing your legs, you hope you look bored just to add more insult to injury. The guy deserved it for thinking the world revolved around him.      He doesn’t answer, instead staring at you, setting his cup of coffee onto the already crowded tabletop, slightly hunched over. You feel your heart drop. Fuck, maybe seeking some sort of symbolic revenge against your boss wasn’t the best of ideas.    Actually, none of your ideas were the best last night. Naturally you’d only think up disasters when you were under distress.     “What’s with the new outfit? Buy a new fashion sense on Amazon?” he finally inquires, a tinge of sarcasm in his voice, brushing your... Rude words aside.      You shrug, pulling out your planner from the drawer and mumbling, biting your pen before writing inside, they’re mindless words. You hope your acting is good, because you want to cry again even at the slight sound of those words. “I don’t know, I felt like I would try something different.” Fuck, were was the sass? Why did you answer nervously? Why did you feel so scared?      There was obviously something that you wanted to do rather then chit chat with him, and Gojo’s now unoccupied hand rubs his neck, this was suddenly so awkward, even for someone as lively as him.     “Hm. Right. Anyways, these were in the printer.” he slaps the freshly printed lukewarm pages onto your desk. “Figured these were yours, still had your name on them.”      “Ah. Thanks.” you say before yawning, covering your mouth before sliding the papers back into the drawer behind you- as if you had no care for them. Actually, you didn’t. This was apart of your master plan that you had crafted at 1 AM last night, too exhilarated to rest. You would print papers out in Gojo’s printer, which you had used once in a while prior so it wouldn’t be too suspicious, and since Gojo never left the dang office he’d hear the sounds and return them to you.       Both of you were silent again, and he’s debating between hitting you up with a topic of conversation, perhaps a joke, but you seem so uninterested he’s not sure if it’s the right moment.      “Just to let you know- your lunch break is in 10 minutes.” he adds, whistling to try to appear careless, but he could feel his heart sinking. You were acting unusually cold, no dramatic tantrums from you that he usually loved. In fact, that was the whole reason why he liked coming to your office. That, and the cute stationary.     “Ah! Really?” you make sure to act like you just got a ticket to heaven, just as a petty way of saying, “Hey. You’re boring. I want to get out.” and Gojo’s pretty sure that all the contents of his heart was shattered now.       Hmph. Whatever, if you continued this behavior he’d swear he’d fire you, but even he knows that’s not true. He had grown fond about you over the small amount of time that you had worked as his secretary, besides, what was a good work life if you didn’t have a good relationship with your very own secretary? He’s sure his banter doesn’t affect you.     “Yeah.” he says, now quiet. He turns his back on you, pausing for a quick moment before walking out, not before he bangs the top of his forehead against the door frame, which earned a slight groan out of him, and just like that he left. You still hear the faint clicking against the tile floor from his shoes.       You exhaled a sigh you didn’t know you were holding, twirling your office chair to look at the large window pane behind your desk. This was something you admired about the architecture of the building you worked out. Every single office had a large window facing Tokyo, so late working hours would always involve beautiful city lights and the bustling of night life.       The sun and sky was bright and cheery, and it comforted your frazzled body. Today wasn’t as bad as yesterday, but it still felt strange from not having your daily ridiculous conversation with Gojo- and strangely you missed it.       Instilled with energy and motivation, you stand up, pulling your bento out of your bag, determined to go through with the rest of your plan. You knew Gojo had a good friend that worked here, Keto Sugareu or something like that. You’d have lunch with him, work your feminine charms, and that was that.       It wasn’t like you wanted to, but a part of you so desperately wanted to prove to Gojo that you could be smart, witty, yet sexy at the same time. You weren’t a prude- just someone not as exposed to these lifestyles.     But you didn’t really eat your lunch in the break room, rather, you were almost always in your very own office. If you weren’t found in there, it’d either be the bathroom or conspiring to steal Gojo’s luxury coffee machine at your house. Infact, you’re not even quite sure if you remember how it looks like.    “Whatever.” you mumble to yourself, before scooping up your utensils and napkins and heading out for the break room.      You shouldn’t have ever stepped foot into that cursed hellish room that day.

nice to see u down here, u want chapt 4? too bad. just kidding! here, have at it.  chapter four : conspiring     

[tenacityreturns]

fandom: free! (this was written before free!ES came out lol) pairing: nitorin word count: 1964 plot: Nitori-senpai comes back to school after an extended summer break, with Rin more than happy to see him. notes: this is an only SLIGHTLY edited thing i found in my folder which i don’t think i ever posted. i know i’m a knb blog... and that no1 cares abt this ship anymore, but i’m here, i do, and this is so obvious i don’t even care if it aint funny I’M POSTING IT and that’s that

Nitori stood at about 6’2. The summer had been kind to him. He’d gone overseas with his family, and had spent months in comfortable transit due to his father’s job. There wasn’t much he could remember that would contribute to such a massive height change, but then, the whole year was a hazy, nondescript blur now he was starting school again. All he knew then was that he was walking through the halls of Samezuka Academy as a late Second Year, a head taller than the people he’d known from his classes about a year ago.

September came with cool breezes and woolly jumpers. The lilac-haired boy loved autumn, almost entirely because he could wander around in atrocious sweaters that were once far too big for him. Today, he wore an old navy knit, complete with a picture of a shark on. Cutesy, he loved it. Somehow, it still fit him even after the height change, and with some spare sleeve at his wrists to hide his face in if he felt like it! Bizarre, but he didn’t question it.

The teen didn’t stop to talk to anyone; they all seemed disinterested and vague anyway. Until, down the school-hallway, he recognised a familiar redhead. A tall (though shorter than him), male, thoughtful head. He wasn’t wearing the uniform. Instead, Rin wore a fuzzy sweater with brightly coloured zoo animals on. It was adorable.

“Rin-chan!” Nitori called, waving his hand above other students’ heads. “Rin-chan, behind you!”

The recipient turned with his signature glare, then lightened up once he saw his friend. A smile donned his face and it made Nitori feel butterflies in his tummy. He felt even happier when he saw Rin run towards him, dodging other people and almost tripping up a few times.

Then, not three metres from where the lighter haired of the two stood, Rin did fall over. What had tripped him up was unseen and flittered out of attention as Nitori let out a yelp and closed the space between them to offer his hand.

A blush almost matching his hair colour came to the fallen’s cheeks. “A-Ai—”

“Hi Rin-chan! I missed you!” Nitori grinned, helping his old friend to his feet.

“You…missed me?” Rin’s blush deepened as he stood, blinking in surprise. “You’re taller.”

“Yes I am! Did you miss me, senpai?” Nitori beamed a smile, eyes alive with a gentle kind of eager. He noticed their hands were still in contact, but realised that it was Rin who was holding his, rather than the other way around?!

“Y-yes. A lot. I—where have you been?” the elder’s voice cracked on the final sentence, eyes starting to fill with tears. The grip on his hand now tightened and Nitori stood staring at his long-time crush with a gaping expression. Was this… was this happening? No, of course it was! Nitori felt heat in his cheeks and the rush of people as they passed and the firmness of Rin’s grip. Of course it was real.

“Nitori?” Rin repeated with a slightly raised eyebrow. Characteristically, he tilted his head slightly as he did when he said ‘huh’. Nitori found himself blinking back into reality.

“Sorry! Yes, I… did…” suddenly the lighting around his old room-mate highlighted everything completely beautiful in his face: almost-tears hung in his eyes and glistened in the morning sun. His lips looked so soft, teeth so sharp, hair so utterly wild. Had he walked through a bush backwards? It looked kind of untameable.

Just like he always had.

But what if… what if Nitori could tame him? What if Rin was just missing someone to guide him back to happiness? To love him and hold him and be a shoulder to cry on. Sure, last year Nitori had been that but now a thought came to mind that maybe… maybe the reason he was stuttering and being crazily cute was because… Did Rin have newfound feelings? Was it Nitori’s new height? Probably was. It had to be.

A solitary tear fell onto Rin’s cheek from his perfectly eyelashed eyes, to which both boys were quick to raise their hands to. Rin, naturally, got there first and roughly wiped it away, but Nitori was there in a flash to cup the pale cheek in his hand.

“Gently, gently.” The taller boy hushed, eyelids dropping to cover half of his blue irises. He spoke so softly that the words made Rin blush. He moved to rest his back against the wall, with the Second Year student looming over him.

“Ai…” Rin let out a small sigh as he leant into the touch, his eyes trained solely on his old friend. Nitori felt no warmth in his cheeks, despite them being bright red. That was… very strange.

“Shh,” Nitori’s paler thumb rubbed his lips, the tip scraping against the sides of sharp teeth. Rin looked up at the other with extreme tenderness in his eyes. A look which, teamed with his wandering hands underneath Nitori’s sweater, spoke volumes. Now was the time. Rin really did want little (now big) Aiichiro to help him be happy again! Nanase-senpai did that fine… sure. If you consider how he was actually a big part of Matsuoka-senpai not being happy. But never mind, it was all over and they seemed to be friends.

Well, Nitori was about to beat Nanase. He was about to be more than friends. And that was a nice thing to think.

He had to lean down slightly, but in seconds their lips were touching. It felt magical. With his thumb out of the way, and Rin’s hands scouring his waist, Nitori felt an energy he hadn’t felt before. He felt organic warmth in his chest and a desire to get ever closer to the other.

The hand once on his face, moved to Rin’s neck while the other rested on his hips. His beautiful, muscular, perfectly formed hips. While the fiery-headed male was inching his hands up Nitori’s own finely sculpted abdominal muscles, under both sweater and tshirt. It almost made Nitori want to flinch if he wasn’t so intent on deepening the already perfect kiss.

It was so easy. Instantly, Rin’s lips parted and his tongue slid into Nitori’s mouth. Could those sharp teeth hurt their kiss? Nitori was hesitant to find out. But still, he opened his lips. He also opened his eyes, and with a gentle stare, he was happy to see shut lids and the beginnings of a smirk. It filled him with absolute glee that Rin was enjoying this as much as he was, that this was even happening was…amazing.

A skilled tongue flicked against Nitori’s once or twice with as much of a grin as Rin could muster under the circumstances. Soon they found themselves pushing against the other guy’s tongue in some kind of playful dominance battle. Nitori let Rin win, because his was the bigger personality and it only made sense, right?

“Nitori-senpai…” Rin’s exhale was hot and both of their breathing came as more of a pant: a gorgeous show of what they’d just experienced. “Ai,” he continued, shifting to slam his friend into the wall instead, holding him in place with his body. “Ai, hey Ai. Ai?”

“Rin, I’m here.” The lilac-haired replied quietly, hands finding their way back to tangle in red locks.

“Are… coming?” Rin started to sound aggravated and Nitori’s blush deepened, looking down to where their hips were touching.

“What?!” blue eyes widened as he searched for some indication of an unpleasant accident given that they were in the school hallway, but could see nothing. Just bright white light where he was sure dicks were supposed to be.

“Ai?” Rin repeated again, and started to bump his body into the other’s. Wasn’t that dry humping? 

“R-Rin-chan!” Nitori moaned, though he stopped in confusion when Rin started shaking one of Nitori’s shoulders.

“Nitori? Nitori, for fuck’s sake get up.”

***

Bright light. Ugh, such bright light. There was the ceiling and duvet covers. The shark plushie-come-keychain. The standardly soft pillow.

Angry Rin.

“Your fucking alarm, man. Turn it off.” A cocked, red eyebrow and half-closed lids suggested his roommate was unimpressed at best.

Nitori frowned to himself, turning onto his other shoulder to where his phone lay. A highly obnoxious ringtone sounded, that was so cute even he didn’t really like it. The point was that it would wake him up and immediately have him squirming to turn the damn thing off.

Though it obviously hadn’t worked with his last night’s sleep.

He’d been dreaming.

Of course, he had.

Damn it.

Of course, Rin didn’t need him. Who would, right? Of course, Nitori wouldn’t have come onto him like that, he wasn’t nearly brave enough! And it was natural that Rin would be shuddering away from any advances like that, perhaps scolding him roughly before leaving the scene completely.

What an embarrassment.

Ugh.

Nitori turned the phone’s alarm off with a swipe of nimble fingers before groaning unobtrusively and running his palms into his eyes. Dreams like those were meant to make one happy right? You know, kissing someone you really liked… really liked a lot. But no, it just made him feel awful about himself.

“You said my name.” Rin broke the welcomed silence with an utterly awkward sentence. “When you were dreaming, you know.”

“O-oh? Really? Um—” Nitori found his confident way of speaking in-dream had been completely shattered. In its place, he returned to his usual, stupid way of stuttering his way through almost any sentence directed to the other.

“Don’t explain,” Rin smirked, his back turned to the younger boy, headed for the bathroom. “Just wanted to let you know.”

As if the little fantasy just experienced had left a prominent blush on Nitori’s face, the further comment made him wish to just spontaneously and temporarily die on the spot. No, oh god no please no.

“Figured it was a nightmare.” He continued, with a shrug of one shoulder offering slight comfort that perhaps Rin really wasn’t on the right tracks.

“N-no, senpai, I was just dreaming of you winning a race!” Oh, thank god. Nitori had his slow moments, too many if he counted himself, but sometimes he just impressed himself.

The taller boy – it’s worth noting that Nitori did give a quick once-over of himself and he was still little which, he had to admit, he should’ve expected – let out an almost inaudible chuckle, only made visible by the tremor in his shoulders, and he shook his head. Rin clicked his tongue, but didn’t say anything else as he walked towards the bathroom. Yeah. Well. Thanks, Rin, it wasn’t as if Nitori was in emotional hell or anything.

As soon as he was alone, Nitori slumped back into his bed, kicked off his blankets and snatched his pillow from beneath his head. Promptly, he buried his face in the soft material and groaned as loudly and as satisfyingly as he could.

Which was pretty damn loudly. Extra bonus points in his book for the scratching against his throat and nasal elements. Overall, a pretty decent, disgusted noise. What a complete mess. But he had to give himself some credit! He wasn’t hard! And he’d woken up with sheets in disarray, so imagine if he had been hard, and Rin had seen it, alongside saying his name in his sleep. That would be the end of Nitori’s time at the school, he’d demand a transfer to somewhere like Antarctica probably.

[5hfanfiction]

Everything Is A Metaphor

Chapter 5

Listen to:

First half: Over by Johnnyswim

Second half: Salvation by Gabrielle Aplin

“I can’t keep on giving you what might be meant for someone new.”

“I never meant to fall for you, but I was buried underneath and all that I could see was white.”

————————————————————————————————————

There are thirty new messages on her phone.

Three of them are from Ally. Two from Normani. Ten from Dinah.

The other fifteen are from Camila.

Lauren should bypass all of them. She should ignore the idea that she’s let down not only Camila, but Ally and Dinah and- perhaps most of all-herself. Instead, she slides open her phone and glances over the messages.

Normani Kordei:

FYI Dinah won’t say it but she’s pissed-

Skip. Lauren moves on to the next message.

Ally Brooke:

I’m trying so hard to understand. I really am. But Lauren, you ran away! Again! I just-

Skip.

Dinah Jane:

I’m not mad. I’m concerned. Abt both u and Camila. You need to answer her-

This time, Lauren does not skip the message. Not willingly, at least, because as soon as her thumb hits the “back” button, a name appears on her phone along with a vibration. Camilalalala(Camz)Cabello.

It’s also here when Lauren realizes the time: 8 PM.

Two hours. Two damn hours. Had Lauren really slept for only that long? It feels like at least a good day or two has passed. At least, that’s what she had hoped for. If she had slept for that long, if that much time had been wasted, the initial emotions of hate or disappointment would have blown over by now.

Presently, however, Lauren is forced to make a decision.

Her phone continues to ring, vibrating in her hand almost as strongly as her heart in her chest. Perhaps it is out of tiredness, half-sleep delirium. Maybe it is because she simply has nothing left to lose. Maybe she wants to convince herself that answering the phone isn’t running away.

When she picks up, she merely breathes. Heavy, rapid heartbeats can be heard from both ends, lasting for at least thirty seconds before-

“Don’t say anything until I’m finished.”

Camila sighs shakily through the phone, sounding almost as anxious as Lauren did just a few hours ago. Lauren exhales in response.

“I’m not mad, or disappointed, or anything. I’m just really, really concerned.”

Lauren keeps her mouth shut. She begins fidgeting with the ends of her hair. 

“Look, I shouldn’t have put you in that situation. I thought singing would calm you down since it always calms me down and, I don’t know, I thought we were alike-“

Lauren stifles words of protest, we are like. But she keeps her words behind clenched teeth, and after hearing her harsh breathing return to normal, Camila continues.

“I don’t know, maybe the singing thing did work. But I shouldn’t have pressured you into kissing me-“

“You didn’t.” Lauren can’t help but argue. Her voice is scratchy and dry, tired but definitely not from sleep anymore.

“Lauren-“

“No,” Lauren continues, her voice growing stronger. “I-…” Her throat becomes dry again and she’s forced to swallow the only hydrating thing she has left: her pride.

“I leaned in because I wanted to-“ Her breath hitches, but she goes for it anyway. “To kiss you, I mean. I leaned in because I wanted to kiss you.”

Silence. At first, Lauren thinks she’s said the wrong thing; was much too straightforward in her approach of fixing the puzzle that is her and Camila’s relationship. Instead of fitting the pieces together, she lets them lay out in the rain.  

And then, Camila whispers: “Then why didn’t you?”

A confusing, atrocious noise erupts from Lauren’s throat. It’s a combination of breath and sound, as if she had wanted to say something but stopped herself in just enough time. The words are caught-literally-in her throat, and whenever she tries to cough them out all she gets is that sound of in-betweenness, hesitation and determination wrapped into one. I didn’t kiss you, Lauren wants to say, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back if I did.

She didn’t kiss her because she knew she’d fall in love with her all over again; they’d become as close as atoms, simply waiting to get lost in all their other bonds. Lauren cannot live like that. She cannot fall in love with Camila and then not tell her about her nightmares. She cannot kiss Camila without holding her breath. If Lauren gives herself to Camila, the two of them will slowly lose pieces of themselves they never wanted to give away in the first place.

It is here where Lauren realizes she and Camila will never work out. The accident, the trauma, the past-

It can never work.

“I-“ Lauren begins, again choking on her words. “I-“ She tries again, but to no avail. Jesus, she’s so overwhelmed her eyes begin to sting with tears. She wants to tell Camila everything, starting from the beginning. Maybe she has some hope that Camila will remember- all she needs is a single trigger-

But it could also ruin everything. Hell, it already has ruined everything.

Lauren allows her tears to fall. “Camila, I-“

But her voice is drowned out by the stomping of feet, growing louder as they near Lauren’s dorm. The sound of jangling keys follows suit.

Shit, Lauren panics. Lucy’s home early. Anxious and delirious, Lauren sprints to the bathroom. She makes sure to lock the door behind her.

“Lauren?” Camila shouts through the phone speaker. “Are you oka-“

“Ihavetogo,” Lauren barely makes out the words, her voice muffled with shaky breaths. “I’msorry,” She continues. “I’m sorry.”

The moment she hangs up, Lucy knocks on the bathroom door.

“Lauren, are you in there? We need to talk.”

————————————————————————————————————

Exactly one minute passes before the two girls are in each other’s arms.

“She doesn’t remember,” Lauren cries into Lucy’s shoulder. “She doesn’t remember and it kills me!” At this point, the girl is simply speaking gibberish, words drowning behind garbled sobs. It is all Lucy can do to hold Lauren up, until finally her arms grow too heavy and she is forced to drag the girl to the bed. Though, above all the emotions mixing in the room, attraction is not one. There is no romance in this heartbreak.

“Just tell me what happened,” Lucy coos, desperately trying to calm Lauren down. “It’s okay, Lauren, it’s okay. Just walk me through what happened.” She isn’t saying this because she wants to confirm their relationship is over. No, in this moment, all Lucy wants is for Lauren to calm down, and the only way for that to happen is if Lauren recounts her trauma. It’s always been like this for her- even when Lauren woke up from nightmares, she’d always have to talk about them to Lucy before she could fall back asleep.

And thus, after a few deep breaths, Lauren walks backwards. She describes the entire evening, from when her phone died from water damage to when she ran out on Camila. And though all this talking is supposed to make her feel better, calm her down- All it does is make Lauren feel worse. Dammit, she was so stupid.

And then, of course, there’s Lucy, Lauren remembers. Fucking Lucy, the girl who’s supposed to be her girlfriend. And here Lauren is, venting to her about C-

“I’m sorry,” Lauren musters up enough courage to whisper. She wills herself to meet Lucy’s eyes. “I’m so sorry, Lucy. I’m so-“ Inevitably, she begins sobbing again, and Lucy instantly pulls the girl into her. “I’m sorry,” Lauren continues to cry. “I’m so sorry-“

“Enough,” Lucy finally manages to use her words. Her grip around Lauren strengthens as she clears her throat, her voice tired from these past few days.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Lauren.”

She pulls away so that the two of them are face to face, eye to eye. “Do you understand me?”

Lucy reaches out and cups Lauren’s chin. “You didn’t do anything wrong. God, you’re a 20 year old girl who’s been through enough shit to last two lifetimes! You aren’t deliberately hurting anyone. What your heart wants does not make you a bad person-!”

It’s here where Lucy’s words catch in her throat, her eyes glassing over with tears. Lauren, Lucy realizes, does not want her anymore. Her heart has made its decision, and the result is not Lucy. It’s never been Lucy.

And Lauren knows it, too.

After a while of the two girls sitting there, contemplating, Lauren finally speaks up.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t,” Lucy smiles sadly, barely meeting Lauren’s eyes. “We-“

Lauren shakes her head. “No,” Her voice trembles again, but she refuses to cry anymore than she already has. “I want to be with you. I love you, Lucy, I-“ She takes a breath. “I want you.”

Lucy doesn’t say anything.

“We can make this work!” Lauren grabs Lucy’s hand. “You know Camila and I could never-“

“Did you kiss her?”

Silence, and then, a soft “No.”

“Did you want to?”

Lauren can almost hear the sound of two hearts shattering at once. “Yes,” She says. “But-“

“Why are you beating a dead horse, Lauren?” Lucy looks at her with watery eyes; the color in them fading to a near-gray. She smiles sadly, too, as if irony could somehow balance out the pain she feels right now. Sometimes the only way to combat sadness is to smile; to not let it crush you into a frowning, gray soul but instead a smiling, resilient one.

But maybe that’s bullshit, because the two girls know damn well that strength in a time of heartache is superfluous. To be weak is strength. To cry is strength. To be as angry as the devil’s hand is strength.

Lucy continues. “You love her." She shrugs, forcing that same smile. “You’ve always, always loved her. Before I was even an idea to you, Lauren, you loved her. I was always second to her; you know that.”

“No,” Lauren shakes her head desperately, pleading. “That isn’t true! You-“

“If I can accept that you don’t want me, why can’t you!?”

The silence resumes, and for the first time, Lauren realizes she has to face the inevitable. She no longer has control over the situation. In the cramped, purple dorm room of NYU CAS, building number two, there are not two girls sitting on a bed but instead, two hearts. Mind and body no longer have a say in this conversation.

And thus, without words it is said: “We are no good for each other; we have to break up; this is it.”

The two girls fall into each other one last time, mourning their relationship and, perhaps, the love that was once there- if it was ever there at all. After a while, Lucy whispers, still in Lauren’s arms:

“Now, lets go get your girl.”

————————————————————————————————————n

“No.”

Lauren is standing outside of Camila’s dorm room. Her upper half is completely soaked from the storm raging outside, and she would love nothing more than to step inside the cozy, heated bedroom of the girl she only just recently realized she loves. In fact, she would love to step into Camila’s arms. Embrace the girls warmth. Fall in love. You get the picture.

Instead, Lauren faces Camila’s guard dog, Ally. The short brunette stands in front of the shut door, arms crossed, eyes pointed. Things are never so easy for Lauren.

“Ally-“ Lauren tries again to argue, but Ally simply shakes her head. She huffs.

“I said no, Lauren.”

“Jesus Christ,” Lauren flails her arms for effect. “Why? Why can’t you just let us be happy, Ally? Why can’t you just-“

Ally uncrosses her arms. “Let you two be happy?” She arches a brow. “Are you- Are you fucking serious right now? Get out of here, Lauren.”

“You have to understand-“

“I do understand! I understand that you ran away, again, for the fucking up tenth time. And then- and then-!” Ally makes obscene hand gestures. “You had the opportunity to explain yourself to her, and just when you were about to make things right, you hung up! You didn’t even give her a heads up you were coming here! She’s a mess, Lauren, because of you!”

Lauren struggles to think of a retort.

“Camila’s still crying, and yet you think you can just make things up to her, again! You should’ve learned from the very first time you hurt her, Lauren: Stay away.”

“Ally…” Lauren shakes her head, her breathing suddenly shallow. “You have to give me another chance-“

“I’ve given you plenty.”

Lauren shifts her weight from one foot to the other. Admittedly, she truly does understand where Ally is coming from. After all, if it were Lauren in her shoes, she would be acting the same exact way. Camila was always like a sister to Ally- from day one of Kindergarten the two girls were inseparable.

Ally couldn’t protect Camila from the car crash, from her dad, from Lauren. But now that she’s back, Ally has a second chance, and she’s made certain she isn’t going to blow it.

But, Lauren thinks, Ally has to realize the girl is incapable of being hurt any more than she already has been. It is not Lauren who is the issue; its the self-destructive tentacles that cling far too hard to other people. Its those very tentacles that Lauren has tried so fucking hard to cut off, beginning with Lucy and-

Lucy.

“I broke up with Lucy,” Lauren says all too abruptly.

Ally arches a brow.

“I- we…We both realized we couldn’t be together because of my feelings for Camila.”

Ally arches her brow higher.

“Come on, Ally!” Lauren throws her head back with a sigh. “Listen to me! You can say you understand where I’m coming from- that you know how much of an impact the past has had on me, how much it is still impacting me-“ She shakes her head viciously, shrugging. “But you don’t. You were her best friend, not her girlfriend. I poured so, so much of myself into that girl- into that relationship, I-“

Lauren pauses, thinking over her words.

“I don’t know if we can be together. Truly, be together.” She shrugs again. “But too much has happened for me to just give up again. To run, again. I just-…I need to talk to her, okay? I’m not asking your permission to date her. We both know…” We both know it’ll never work, she wants to say. Instead, she mumbles, “I just want to talk to her.”

Perhaps its the honesty to Lauren’s words. Or maybe Ally is simply too exhausted to fight anymore. Maybe its the goodness in her heart, the part that would rather see the good than the bad in a person. Maybe there is no string of poetry to conclude why Ally gives in, only importance in her decision to do so. She gives a deep sigh before speaking, as if each and every stressor is exhaled alongside her breath.

“I don’t think the two of you will ever work out.” Ally keeps her eyes glued to the ground. “I think you have too big of a conscious and she has too big of a heart. You’ll be in a constant state of panic around her and she’ll try to look past it. But eventually, you’ll let the truth slip.”

She looks up to meet Lauren’s eyes.

“And she will never get over that, Lauren. We’re containing her in this alternate reality because we think she’s safer that way- I even think she’s safer that way. But the truth is, she’s going to find out one way or another, whether its from you or from one of her triggers or…whatever. That girl has been through hell and its not even over yet.

“But…there’s a reason she’s so into you, Lauren.”

This catches Lauren’s attention. She wills herself to hold Ally’s gaze.

“From the very first day she met you, she wouldn’t stop talking about you. ‘Lauren knows my name! I think Lauren likes me! She said yes to dinner!’” Ally echoes Camila’s words, smiling faintly as she does so. It even prompts a smile on Lauren’s face.

“She really, really likes you, Lo,” Ally continues. “I would even go as far as to say she…well…” She shrugs a final time.

“She loves you. Camila loves you, Lauren, and she just met you a few days ago. And that’s the only reason I tried to stay out of things. If she loves you already, maybe she remembers. Maybe…Maybe love cannot be erased from the heart.”

Lauren can no longer hold back her tears. She rushes in on Ally, opening her arms to envelop the smaller girl in a huge hug-

“But-“ Ally swerves out of Lauren’s reach. Arching a brow, she holds a finger up. “If you break her heart; make her feel in anyway that she was stupid for giving you her heart…I will kill you. I will. Literally. Kill You.” Lauren nods, but Ally arches her brow further. “No, I’m serious, Lauren. I will get thrown out of NYU and into a jail cell for putting you in a wheelchair. Are we clear?”

Lauren holds back her smile, twisting her hands together and pinning them down at her waist. She nods simply, pursing her lips.

“Good. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need a drink…or twenty.” Ally makes a move to walk away, but as if on second thought, she reaches out and grabs ahold of Lauren’s shoulder. “Don’t screw this up,” She whispers. As she turns to leave, Lauren sees the faintness of a smile.

And it’s enough to say ‘I don’t hate you, I’m just worried’. Enough to say ‘I love you, but please be careful’.

And Lauren swears to herself: if she messes this up, Ally won’t have to kill her. Lauren can take care of that all by herself.

She knocks on the door.

————————————————————————————————————

The band shirt and ripped skinny jeans Camila had worn to the date now lay strewn across the bedroom floor.

At one end of the room is a pale brunette, covered heavily by a baggy, white sweatshirt and matching sweatpants. Her hair is done up in a bun, making the tracts of washed-out makeup down her neck visible. Here is a girl in shambles.

At the other end of the room is a tall, tanner brunette. She is in the same black dress from a few hours before- she had no energy to change into something more comfortable. Her eyes are red and bloodshot, but that is the only evidence to show she’d been crying. Here, too, is a girl in shambles.

Neither of them have the energy to speak, but after a few moments of mutual staring, Camila tears her gaze away and mumbles, “You didn’t have to come here, you know.” Her voice is more tired and ragged than Lauren has ever heard before, and her already-broken heart shatters a bit more.

Lauren says, “No, I did.”

She opens her mouth to say more, but the words she wants to convey are so heavy she feels as though she might throw up. She steps a bit closer to Camila, the two girls now only a few feet apart.

Lauren is simply rambling at this point. “I know I ran out on you, and that was so fucking stupid on my end-“

“You were having a panic attack,” Camila deadpans. She shrugs, not really meeting Lauren’s eyes. “What were you supposed to do?”

“Camila-“ Lauren begins, but her voice catches in her throat upon seeing the defeated, gaunt features of Camila’s face.

The girl is merely a ghost of who she was a few hours ago, shifted completely from bright and overly-confident to depressed and self-conscious. And as much as it upsets Lauren to see her this way, it also gives her a bit of hope. For if Camila didn’t have such strong feelings for Lauren, she wouldn’t be so…serious. A date gone bad with anyone else is merely a bump in the road for Camila, something she could easily get over with loud pop music and a drink. But with Lauren? With Lauren, things are different. Camila is actually…hurt. Disappointed, more at herself than anyone else. Lauren knows this Camila. She’s seen it all too many times.

And thus, Lauren speaks the only words she know can make things right.

“I am Lauren Michelle Jauregui Morgado.”

She starts off shakily, and the confusion in Camila’s raised brow certainly doesn’t ease her nervousness. But she continues regardless.

“I’m a sophomore at NYU who’s convinced that if she studies all the possible majors involving writing, I’ll somehow manage to land a job as an author, or a journalist, or a copyeditor. But the truth is I’ll probably be forced to become an English teacher.”

She breathes. Keep going.

“I have a really fucked up past…one that I’ll probably never open up about to anyone except those who were there when it was happening- the past, I mean-“ She almost apologizes for stuttering, but a quick glance at Camila shows color returning to the girl’s eyes. Concerned, brown eyes. Brown-Eyed Girl.

Lauren’s voice trembles, but she keeps strong. “I’m a lot to put up with. I have terrible night terrors nearly every night and I’m lucky if I get seven hours of sleep a week. Most people leave because I’m too much for them, or…Or I force them to leave, like…Like Lucy-“ Lauren recalls she and Lucy are no longer together, but for the first time there is no pain accompanying the thought; instead merely numbness.

Perhaps it is the mark of moving on.

“I broke up with Lucy,” Lauren says, again feeling no pain with the statement. “I-“

But now, all signs of comfort leave Camila’s face. The girl gasps with her entire body, so much that her bed shifts below her. “Lauren…!” Her brow arches incredibly high, her mouth matching its steepness. “You didn’t-! Wh-…Why?! You shouldn’t have done that, Lauren, Jesus!”

This time its Lauren who deadpans. “Don’t flatter yourself,” She says, smiling faintly. “It was a mutual thing. We broke up for each other’s sake. not because of you.”

“Oh…” Camila slinks back into her bed.

Lauren simply chuckles dryly, but the effort is overshadowed by sadness. It’s a shallow laugh, forced. She shakes her head, silently cursing herself for even trying to lift the mood.

“Anyway,” Lauren sighs. “I don’t know how good of a girlfriend I can be if all I’m doing is hiding beneath loads of luggage. Does that make sense?”

Camila shakes her head, no.

“Right…” Lauren sighs again. “Look, I don’t know if a relationship between us would work out. I can’t promise you that I’m somehow magically going to change overnight; that I won’t fuck things up-“

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Lauren.” Camila cuts in, suddenly worried. “I’m not mad or anything, I’m just-“

“Let me finish.”

Camila arches a brow, but nevertheless lets the girl continue.

“I’m not asking for a relationship. I’m not asking for roses or promise rings or love letters. I’m just asking you to let me try.”

Camila arches her brow further.

“I like you, Camila. God, I like you too much. And maybe I scared you off earlier, but I was just…so scared. Scared of everything going wrong, of jumping into something that may not work. But I’m tired of running from things I can’t control.”

Lauren takes a step closer to Camila.

“And all I know is that since you came ba-” She stops herself from saying back. “…Since you came into my life, the nightmares have calmed down. Most nights, I can sleep. I’m not saying you’re somehow a cure for whatever’s wrong with me- obviously I’m still having panic attacks around you, but-…but I’m saying you-“ Lauren pauses. Whatever she says next can make the difference between a doomed relationship and a blooming one.

She steps even closer to Camila.

“You make me feel safe. And I know all too well life is too short to deny yourself a safe place; to deny yourself happiness; to deny yourself someone who might be able to give you the world.”

At this point, the two girls are mere inches away from each other. A few heartbeats pass, and in those moments lie awkward, but serious, mutual stares. It is here where they should kiss, but Camila chooses otherwise.

“Do you always have to be so emo?” She says, attempting to stifle a smirk. “It’s such a turn-off.”

Lauren arches a brow, cocking her head to the side as if to make sure Camila is joking. “I thought you liked me for my emo-ness?”

“Mm, I thought I did, too. In fact, I almost kissed you there, but then you kind of ruined it with the whole ‘you make me safe’ bit.”

Lauren shoves Camila so hard she falls back onto the bed. “Fuck you,” She chuckles.

“Well, I would allow you to, but, alas,” Camila cocks her head, still on her back. She winks. “I’m not a bottom.”

Lauren blinks, her jaw dropping. Then, without missing a beat, she heads for the door. “Bye,” She turns the knob, opens the door.

“Noo!” Camila leaps from the bed and practically tackles Lauren. “I was joking! I’ll let you be the bottom if that’s what you want!”

Lauren shakes her off, chuckling uncontrollably now. “I hate you.”

“Really?” Camila latches back onto Lauren, turning her around so that her back is to the doorway. Arching a brow, she pushes Lauren up against the door until it shuts.

“Because, you know,” She throws her head to the side, lowering her voice. She trails a finger down Lauren’s chest. “From that speech back there, it kind of sounded like you’re into me. Quite into me, actually.”

Lauren laughs again, though this time it sounds a bit nervous and forced. She can feel blood rushing to her cheeks.

“I’m not gonna kiss you.”

Camila frowns. “You sure?”

“Positive.”

“Like, one-hundred percent positive?”

“One hundred and ten percent.”

But Lauren grabs a hold of Camila’s hand.

And she kisses her anyway.

 ———————————————————————————————

its still totally possible for Laucy (or just Lucy ;) ) to make a comeback in the next chapter. or not. lemme know what u wanna see in the next few chapters?

also…feedback is always always super encouraging. thank youuu

have a nice day !!

-Mikayla

[ethereiling]

me in the past: i mean when my friends talk abt their joints popping out of place and dislocating and it being kind of whatever i believe them but like isnt that kind of like a big deal and not something you can just walk off? i dont get it

me today: ohhhh i see :) they were right