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seidenbros · 2 years ago

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Happy Birthday Princess

Hello there! This is the first time I'm writing for this fandom (or any fandom apart from The Witcher) but after stumbling upon @holamishamigosj2gotmegood in the tags last night, I had this idea, that I needed to write down, get it out of my head, write this little (it was supposed to be short, I swear) birthday fic, so here you go. I really hope I captured the characters well.

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader Warnings/Tags: mostly fluff, friends to lovers, a bit of pining, fluff fluff fluff Word count: 3754 Read on AO3

It wasn't easy to get through work today, not directly because it was your birthday, more because nobody seemed to care. Yes, your boss had congratulated you on your 18th birthday just like your parents had, but apart from them, none of your friends had bothered. No calls in the morning before you'd headed to work, nobody had showed up here, and nobody had said anything beforehand that they wanted to do something with you, maybe go watch a movie or something, just spend time with your friends. Sure, you could have initiated something, but after hearing that they'd already had plans for the weekend, you hadn't even bothered. Well, good thing there was still ice-cream in your freezer and ordering a pizza while watching a movie wouldn't be so bad in the end, right? Still, it stung a little that seemingly everyone had forgotten your birthday.

You changed out of your working clothes into your denim shorts and plaid shirt. It wasn't a long way home, but maybe you could get something at the store for your one-person-pizza-party tonight.

“Hello princess,” you heard immediately when you exited the building. Swirling around to the source of that voice, you couldn't help but smile in surprise.

“Eddie? What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to have a meeting with Dustin and Mike?” At least that was what you'd overheard. Well, they'd talked about it loud enough for pretty much everyone to hear.

“Nah, already finished with that.” He pushed away from the car he was leaning against, grinning to himself. “Planned it so I was finished when you got off work.” Closing the distance between the two of you, he pulled a single sunflower from behind his back and held it out to you. “Didn't think I'd forget your birthday, did you?”

“I...” You didn't know what to say, because yes, you'd thought all of them had forgotten, but that Eddie was the one to remember made you heart beat faster. The sunflower was a nice touch as well, made your smile widen even more when you took it in your hands. “Thank you, that's really sweet.”

“You deserve it.” For a moment there, his grin turned into a warm, sweet smile. A smile that you didn't see often, but that you loved all the more.

Eddie and you had been friends for roughly two years now. You were the new kid, shy, hiding behind books, but Eddie hat taken it upon himself to draw you into his group of friends, after you'd bonded over The Lord of the Rings, the books he'd always seen sou read at lunch break. At first, you'd been apprehensive about the whole situation, but you'd soon discovered that you fit right in with him and his friends. After the first evening you'd spent together just the two of you, you'd fallen for him, but had never said a word about it. To anyone. Moving to Hawkins had been hard enough as it was for you, so you'd been more than happy to finally have made friends. Ruining this by telling the one person who'd gotten you out of your shell again, that you were in love with them could ruin all of that. That's why you'd kept this to yourself and had enjoyed the friendships that had bloomed in this time. You couldn't imagine your life without this assortment of different people, because they all had a special place in your heart, but Eddie was still in its throne.

“Hop in.” Eddie opened the passenger door to his car for you, gesturing for you to take a seat.

“Where are we going?” Not that it really mattered, because you were already getting in, going wherever he'd take you with him. Spending your birthday with Eddie? That won over pizza and a movie all by yourself.

“Now, now, it's a surprise. See it as an adventure.” With a wink he closed your door and got in on th other side, firing up the engine.

“Adventures are nasty disturbing uncomfortable things that make you late for dinner, remember?” you said with a grin on your lips, never one to pass upon a Tolkien quote.

“Want me to call you hobbit then?” Eddie stole a quick glance at you before he kept his eyes on the road ahead again.

“I don't think they'd accept me as a hobbit. I'm too tall for one, my feet are not hairy, but I would love to attend one of their parties, that's for sure.” You closed your eyes for a moment, enjoying the warm breeze that came in through the open windows. “Besides, hobbit or not, I'd always join you in an adventure.” You still kept your eyes close so that you wouldn't see his reaction. It wasn't exactly something that showed what you really felt for him, but to you it felt like he could see right through you. Better not look at him.

“And I'll always make sure you won't be late for dinner. Though dinner might consist of takeout now and then.”

His words made you laugh. Takeout was more than fine, and for the first time today, you felt yourself relax completely. Not all of your friends had forgotten your birthday. Eddie had remembered.

When the car slowed down and stopped, you opened your eyes, only to find yourself in front of the trailer Eddie was living in.

“You do know that I’ve been here before, right?” Raising a questioning eyebrow you look at him. What kind of adventure was this?

“Trust the process,” he simply said before he got up to open the door for you again. Eddie extended his hand so that you could place your hand in his and you did. Trust the process.

“You’re not gonna show me your collection of magazines, are you?” Another grin appeared on your lips, making Eddie roll his eyes.

“Only if you want to see them,” he managed with a chuckle. “Come one, we need to get inside.”

“And I won’t break an ankle trying to walk through your room?”

“Bet you’ve never seen it as clean as today.” Of that much, he was sure. He’d done his best to tidy his room, clean up, and he was rather proud of himself. Sure, you’d seen it in all kinds of states, so he really didn’t need to worry about what you might think, but it was your birthday, and he had a plan. That plan included a clean(er) room.

“Close your eyes,” he said, unlocking the door and leading you inside the trailer, but instead of closing them, you narrowed them at Eddie “Really? Okay, then you leave me no other choice, my lady.”

Eddie was behind you in a second, covering your eyes with his hands. Your back hit his chest, making you hold your breath for a moment. There had been body contact here and there, once you’d even kind of wrestled because he’d wanted to get a book out of your hands to see what you were reading, but this… this felt different. The warmth from his body seeped into your skin, as the smell of cigarettes mixed with his cologne and his own scent filled your nose, leaving you a little lightheaded.

“Ready to walk?” Eddie’s voice was so close, his breath tickling your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. There were no words coming out of your mouth, but you managed to nod, putting your right hand on his forearm to have at least something to hold onto, while you walked step after step into his room.

When he eventually took his hands from your eyes, breaking the contact when stepped next to you, you wanted to protest, but didn’t say a word. That would only lead to problems that you didn’t need. So, instead you blinked to get accustomed to the dim light in here, and looked around.

“Eddie Munson, I never thought I’d see the floor of this room one day, but apparently… it does exist.” Turning your head to look at him, you couldn’t help but grin. Was he blushing? It was probably just a trick of the light in here, but it did look like it.

“Well…” he said, looking for the right words, running a hand through his unruly locks. “While I’m proud of that achievement, that’s not what I brought you here for.” With another wink, he walked up to his bed and picked up the guitar lying on top of it. It wasn’t his usual one - his baby was still hanging on the wall - but apparently a new one. A beauty, that much was for sure, but none that you’d seen here before.

“You got a new guitar! She’s beautiful!” Not that you were able to play, but you knew a couple of things about instruments, guitars especially.

“It’s not mine,” he said, sitting down on his bed, patting the spot beside him. You follow this invitation and sat down next to him, a frown on your face waiting for him to explain further. “It’s yours.”

“What?” Surely, he must have been joking. Yeah, you’d always said that you wanted to learn how to play, but you’d never been able to teach yourself

“You said you wanted to learn how to play. Means you need your own guitar so you can practice.” He handed it to you, positioned it in your lap. “Happy birthday, princess.”

His gentle words, the soft voice with which he said them, and the way he called you princess made your eyes water for a moment. All this was more than you ever could have expected. Your birthday had turned from a miserable day into a rather special one, where the guy you had feelings for, was the one to give you one of the best presents you’d ever gotten. Why? Because he’d listened to what you’d been talking about, had listened to what you really wanted, had remembered that and gotten you a guitar.

“Thank you, Eds!” Blinking away the tears, you turned a little so that you could hug him, press a kiss to his cheek. When you sat up again, you could see the sheepish smile on his face, because he hadn’t expected that kind of reaction.

“But I still need lessons. You know I suck at teaching myself.”

“That’s the best part, sweetheart. That guitar comes with a teacher.” Eddie winked at you, before he reached for the guitar again to adjust it so that you could get a good grip on the neck of the guitar. “I’ll teach you.”

“You’d really do that?” You didn’t even know why you were surprised, because as much as Eddie portrayed the metalhead, he had a really soft heart, and that was one thing you really loved about him. You’d never met anyone as genuine, as caring as him, which especially showed when he was with the other guys, with the younger ones that still needed a little guidance here and there.

“Who else is going to teach you to play Dio’s Sacred Heart?”

True. At every guitar course, they’d come up with all kinds of songs, but not the ones you’d want to learn, and ever since Sacred Heart came out, you’d heard it once a day at least. It was one of your favourite songs at the moment. You couldn’t help but giggle at his words, while you nodded. He definitely had a point there.

“C’mere!” He gestured you towards him with his hands, but then he thought better of it and got on his knees, moved around a bit so that he could sit behind you, his legs to your left and right, your back leaning against his chest again. “Here…” His hand covers yours, adjusting your fingers on the strings. “The first chord.” His head nearly leans against yours, distracting you, so you need a moment to react and play the first chord, but you manage to do it. His locks are tickling your cheek, the plec on his necklace dangling just right above your shoulder. “And the next one.” His voice was now barely above a whisper. How were you supposed to concentrate, when he was practically hugging you to his chest? You were closer than you’d ever been before and the certain kind of intimacy wasn’t lost on either of you.

“Okay,” you still managed to whisper back, letting your fingers be guided by him, trying your best to memorise what he’d just shown you.

“Now just switch between these two chords. You can do it.” He let go of your hand, let you try that all by yourself now.

Your nose scrunched up in concentration, as you positioned your fingers on the right strings. It sounded right, but still a little bumpy, which was only natural. After all, you were just a beginner. Still, your fingers didn’t start cramping up which they’d done the first time you’d picked up a guitar just to try it out.

“Perfect,” you heard Eddie say as his hand landed on your waist. He didn’t need to adjust your hands anymore right now, because you knew where your fingers belonged and were getting better and faster at switching from one chord to the next. Eddie wasn’t looking at your fingers, though, he was looking at you.

“I'm far from perfect, but I’m trying.” With a laugh, you turned to look at him and found him looking straight at you. The grip he had on your waist tightened just a fraction, but you felt it in your whole body.

“Maybe that’s your point of view. But to me, you’re perfect.”

“Eddie…”

He hadn’t planned on this day turning out like this, had kept his feelings to himself, because he hadn’t wanted to ruin a wonderful friendship. Losing you was something he wouldn’t be able to deal with. Dustin knew about his feelings, because Eddie had told him at one point, but he’d made him swear that he’d never breathe a word. Dustin had also been the one who’d told him to shoot his shot or regret it, because you would find someone else. Little did he know that you didn’t want anyone else, because you’d kept your feelings completely to yourself.

“No, I mean it.” His right hand came up to brush some loose strands from your face, tuck them behind your ear, his fingers lingering for a moment before he cupped your cheek. “You’re kind, you’re intelligent, you’re funny, you’re-”

“Eddie!” you stopped him. If he kept on talking, you’d probably melt completely, while your heart gave out due to his words, to this moment. You knew that it was the right moment, to show him what you thought, not with your words but with your actions. And so you leaned in, placed your hand on his chest and brought your lips to his.

It was almost innocent, lips lingering on lips for a moment, before you drew back a little bit, suddenly not so sure anymore whether this had been the right decision or not. Doubt was clouding your eyes when you looked at him, but the grin on his lips eased that doubt at least a little bit.

“My, my, who would have thought that you’d be the one to surprise me today.”

“Believe me… that wasn’t on my agenda at all,” you whispered, leaning your head against his shoulder and closing your eyes, hoping that you hadn’t interpreted his words wrongly and ruined a wonderful friendship now.

“I think that should be on your agenda every day.” His chuckle vibrated through his whole body, as he put his fingers beneath your chin to make you raise your head again. “On our agenda,” he corrected himself, before he let go of your chin and instead ran his fingers through your hair to pull you close and kiss you again. Not another innocent kiss, but one that made your toes curl as you felt his tongue against the seam of your lips and you opened them for him. Eddie managed to snatch the guitar from your hands and put it aside so that he could pull you completely into his lap. Your fingers raked through his hair, your fingernails scraping against his scalp until you reached the back of his neck, enjoying every second.

It almost felt like a dream. A dream that was interrupted by the phone ringing, that you could only hear because for once Eddie wasn’t blasting some music - due to teaching you how to play guitar.

He ripped his lips from yours, as the phone rang for the second time. There had only been a couple of seconds between these two phone calls.

“You need to get that?” you asked with a chuckle, lips slightly swollen from the kiss you’d just shared that was still leaving you a little lightheaded.

“Nothing important,” he said, his eyes still fixed on you, dropping to your lips, then back up to your eyes. His hair was dishevelled due to your hands, so you tried to smoothe it down a little bit.

There was silence for a moment, before the ringing picked up again, making you laugh.

“You sure? Don’t think they’ll leave you alone.”

“Fuck,” he grumbled. Heaving a sigh, he lifted you from his lap,turned around with you to prop you up against the pillows. “Don’t go anywhere!”

It was a fair warning, but you really didn’t want to be anywhere else than here right now.

“For fuck’s sake, WHAT?” he said as he answered the phone. You could hear every word of that conversation, were rather sure that he’d tell the person on the other end to go to hell and leave him alone, but that was not what happened. “Ah fuck… I forgot the time. Be there in a minute.”

You sat up, scooted to the edge of the bed, waiting for an explanation when he returned to you. He was already donning the puppy eyes as an apology.

“We have to get going. There’s another surprise I got for you.” Well he didn’t technically have that surprise for you, but he was supposed to take you to that surprise.

“Okay, let’s go.” When you got up, you reached for your guitar but then thought better of it. Eddie wanted to teach you, and this was the perfect place, wasn’t it? As long as you didn’t get distracted again, but with that distraction, you were willing to put off learning how to play the guitar a little bit longer.

“Can’t wait to get out of here, eh?” he teased, reaching for your hand and not letting it go until you were at his car again.

“I’d love to pick up where we left off,” you admitted with a sheepish grin. “But since your first surprise was already wonderful, I’m curious about this one.”

“Fair enough.”

You both got in, but before Eddie started the engine, he stole another kiss from your lips. Something he wouldn’t get enough of, especially now that you both didn’t need to worry about how the other felt. That had been pretty evident in his room just minutes ago.

When he stopped the car in front of your house, though, you were a little confused.

“Why are we at my house?”

“Patience, sweetheart.” He knew that you weren’t the most patient person out there, which was why he took his time getting out of the car. You would have already been halfway to your door if it weren’t for him reaching for your hand again, slowing down his steps a little more.

“Eddie, come on.” You couldn’t help but chuckle. He behaved as if he’d rather stay out here with you than get inside, which… was the truth. He’d rather have you to himself a little longer than share you with your friends again, but that was why he’d brought you here. There wasn’t even a chance to tell you this, when the door opened and Dustin appeared.

“Finally, we’ve been waiting for you!”

“What?” You looked from one to the other, confusion clouding your face, but in the next moment, Dustin was by your side, taking your hand and practically pulling you inside.

Every one of your friends was here. They’d asked your parents if they could arrange this, and they’d happily agreed, were even staying the night with some friends, knowing that they’d only be in the way. Your friends had arranged this without you even having the slightest idea - and Eddie had kept quiet about it as well, as he’d spent the afternoon with you.

“Surprise!” they yelled in unison, though Dustin’s voice was the loudest of them all. They’d decorated the living room, had taken care of food and drinks, and the music was already playing. Just a little get together between friends. It was perfect and a real surprise after you’d thought that all of them had forgotten. Your friends had really managed to lead you on.

“You’re crazy! All of you!” you managed to choke out, wiping the few tears away that had fallen.

“Nah, we just love you, so we made this plan.” Dustin spoke up again, grinning at the others. “Eddie was supposed to distract you until we were finished here to surprise you. And it worked.”

You stole a glance at Eddie, who was already on his way with a drink for you, trying to hide his grin behind his own glass.

“I’m surprised none of you blew this,” he said with a laugh, handing you the glass that was meant for you.

“We did our best. It was an important matter,” Steve chimed in carrying what looked like a birthday cake to the table. He only lit the candles before he gestured for you to come over. The cake looked delicious, though all of you would probably get a sugar rush from all chocolate, but honestly? Who cared?

“Make a wish when you blow out the candles,” Eddie reminded you, placing his hand on the small of your back, a smile on your lips.

Surrounded by your friends, having spent the afternoon with the man who’d stolen your heart, what was there left to wish for? The two of you would have to talk about what this was, where this would lead at one point, but right now, you were more than happy. So you blew out the candles, made your wish, and got ready to enjoy the rest of your birthday with the people you loved.

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AND I'm tagging @astrangegirlsmind for the wonderful support and hyping me up <3

#eddie munson #stranger things #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson fan fiction #eddie munson fan fic #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things fan fic #eddie munson imagine #staffi writes #did I sneak references to LOTR and the Hobbit in?#maaaaaybe

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anironsidh · 4 years ago

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AnironSidh 2020 fic and moodboard masterpost

I didn’t write very much this year between the general mess of 2020 and senior year, but here’s what I did manage to write this year (sorted by fandom). If there’s no chapter count for a fic, it’s a oneshot

Queen/BoRhap

Just Keep Losing My Beat || jimercury Hogwarts au. Freddie Mercury/Jim Hutton (jimercury), Brian May/Roger Taylor (maylor). Hogwarts au, found family, maylor, jimercury, i will post more soon. Chapters: 7/?

Summary: Hogwarts is not ready for Freddie Mercury. Not even close.In which Brian May is trying to be successful, Roger Taylor is just confused, John Deacon doesn't want the spotlight, and Freddie Mercury just wants to find somebody to love and make his place in the world.

(Love Of My Life) Don't Leave Me || hardzello (for borhap summer cast event) for the @queenandborhapevents and written for @johndeaconshands. Hardzello, fluff, happy ending, love confessions, first kiss

Summary: Joe's worried about what kind of future he and Ben may have once the movie is no longer keeping them in the same place, and he may find something more waiting for him to ask. - Written for johndeaconshands on tumblr for the BoRhap Summer Event 2020

Love Was Such An Easy Game To Play || tyob 2020 gift fic for xofunghoul / @heybuddy-drabbles. This fic was for the @queenandborhapevents two years of borhap event. hardzello, flashbacks, fluff, picnic, proposal.

Summary: A look back at how Ben and Joe figured things out, got together, made a home with each other, and in which Joe has just one question in mind. - A gift fic for xofunghoul and the two years of borhap exchange on tumblr (modded by @maz-zello and myself). Prompt was for hardzello, fluff, domestic moments. I think I did pretty well, let me know what y'all think in the comments!

Phandom/Dan and Phil

For The Dreams of Youth || phandom reverse bang 2020 parent!phan au for the @phandomreversebang 2020. art by @akikaji and beta @rainbowchristy. Dan/Phil, fluff, parent!phan Chapters 2/3

Summary: Dan isn't quite sure about a kid of his own. It hadn't felt like a possibility, not until recently. He may find that he's more ready than he expected. Dan and Phil's journey towards parenthood told through a series of videos to one day hand over to their child.

I Wonder When We're Gonna Make It || phandom reverse bang 2020 (1980s au), for the phandomreversebang 2020. Dan/Phil, queen references, 1980s au, period typical homophobia, happy ending, angst with fluff. Chapters 1/2. art by @luisaloveshoney and betaed by @i-might-leave-soon / @eilidh

Summary: When a new neighbor moves into the town that Daniel Howell has lived in his entire life and finds his safe spot in the town's vineyard, he will challenge Dan's view of himself and his town. Soon enough, they find themselves in an attraction nothing like Dan's ever known and one that those around them cannot understand. This may be Dan's only chance to escape and truly be himself. - A fic for a phandom reverse bang 2020 prompt in which Dan and Phil live near a vineyard, sneak grapes, drink stolen wine, and fall in love despite the times (1980s). Also, in which I project my love for queen onto Dan, because Muse doesn't exist yet and because I can.

I Ain't Gonna Face No Defeat a good omens au for the @phandomreversebang 2019, masterpost and art by @hiwatari-art here. Dan/Phil, good omens au, post bookshop scene, Crowley!Dan x Aziraphale!Phil. betaed by phanandpenguins/ @ringsandbutterflies

Summary: Daniel Howell has been stationed on earth for six thousand years, his only constant companion Phil Lester, an angel of Heaven. When his angel is nearly taken away from him he begins to realize just how important Phil is to him. -the bar scene in ep6 of good omens where Aziraphale is discorperated and Crowley is in the bar mourning him- Please be sure to check the art by hiwatari! Thanks to phanandpenguins for their beta work!

Good Omens

Songs Full Of Sad Things || Ineffable Husbands Raphael!Crowley for the good omens big bang. Crowley was Raphael, eventual happy ending, angst and fluff, wip. Chapters 8/15

Summary: -Crowley and Aziraphale are quite happy in their new Tadfield cottage five years after Armageddon, or rather, the armageddon-that-wasn't. They've settled into a routine with each other and the Them. Everything seems fine. Anathema and Newton are even getting married soon. -And then everything Crowley has built up for the last 6,000 years comes tumbling down with a visit from Gabriel and the revelation of his past, of how high he Fell. He hadn't wanted to remember his past as an archangel. Not now. His past is told bit by bit while those brought together by the almost-end of the world must pick up the pieces. - aka Crowley was the archangel Raphael, Gabriel's a dick, and Aziraphale just wants to help. Also, Warlock WILL fight anyone who hurts his Nanny, even God.

As You Wish || Good Omens/Princess Bride au, inspired by @anotherwellkeptsecret. Princess bride au, another one I promise i will get back to, eventual happy ending. Chapters 2/?

Summary: Warlock is sick and Nanny Ashtoreth reads him a story of romance and swordfights, perhaps inspired by a certain angel she knows. In which Aziraphale is Buttercup and in love with the handsome Crowley, a farm boy. When he is reported dead, killed by the Dread Pirate Nutter, Aziraphale falls into despair and eventually agrees to marry the devious Prince Gabriel. He is kidnapped by a con artist, Beelzebub, and their two henchmen in order to start a war. Crowley, who survived his rumored attack, rescues him from the trio. They must now free Aziraphale from Gabriel's clutches if they wish to have a new life with each other. Inspired by anotherwellkeptsecret on tumblr (penumbra on ao3)

Before I Lose You || gomens holiday swap gift for @gregayy and the Good Omens Holiday Exchange. post-canon, fluff with a sprinkling of angst but there’s barely any tbh, ineffable husbands, (technically for the gomens 2019 holiday swap, but it was posted on the third of january so I’m including it)

Summary: Armageddon has been averted, and yet their troubles are far from over. Heaven and Hell want their revenge for a Plan foiled. Crowley knows this far too well, knows he has far too little time for what he's wanted for so many centuries... Aziraphale. Believing they may not live to see another sunset, they take a step usually taken by humans. They've only got this one chance, don't they?aka they get married, believing they may not have another chance to, as requested by gregayy/scmnz

Can't You See || good omens ficlet for @wheeloffortune-design. Ineffable husbands, ficlet, happy ending, first kiss

Summary: Crowley being brave - wheeloffortune-design on tumblr. Based on this art, I think I wrote this instead of studying for a midterm lmao

Hobbit/LOTR

By His Side || Happy Hobbit Holiday 2020 Bagginshield fic for KeyWolf25888 for the @haveahappyhobbitholiday 2020 exchange. Gen, M/M, Bilbo/Thorin, happy ending, fluff, bilbo stays in erebor fic

Summary: Bilbo Baggins is just staying in Erebor for now, just until he knows every member of the Company will be alright after the Battles, but his feelings for a certain dwarven king may change his plans just slightly.Or, a Bilbo Stays In Erebor fic as requested by KeyWolf25888 for the Have A Happy Hobbit Holiday 2020 exchange! I haven't done much Hobbit fic in a while, but it was nice to get back to these characters.

Reylo

you're nothing, but not to me || reylo fix-it. Rey/Ben Solo, poe/finn, tros fix it fic bc i was mad after watching that movie, I promise I’ll get back to it soon I just need to work out the plot (and it could also use a beta, if anyone’s interested) Chapters 3/?

Summary: The aftermath of the victory. They may have won, but what comes next? What happens when the battle is won, when the fight is over, but a former enemy is brought into their midst? What happens when Rey brings a near-death Ben Solo back with her? The remaining Resistance is not willing to forgive him easily for what he has done as Kylo Ren. It will not be easy, but it must be done.

Moodboards

Phandom/Dan and Phil

Phandom Reverse Bang 2020 Pride Au Moodboard, fics by @judearaya and @counting2fifteen Summary: Dan goes to pride for the first time, traveling to London on his own. He hasn't come out to his family yet, just a random person online called amazingphil. At pride, he sees a man (Phil) on a float and decides he has to talk to him. Eventually (maybe after a few times hanging out/dates) he finds out that Phil is amazingphil. The moodboard for my prb 2020 pride au, with fics by counting2fifteen and judearaya!

Queen

Royal Maylor au honeymoon in Japan

Queen Iliad au with hardzello, maylor, and deacury

Brian’s Birthday moodboard

Maylor Hamilton au

Jimercury Sad moodboard (hurts like hell)

Reylo

Titanic au

Moodboard for You’re Nothing, but not to me

Reylo good omens au

Moodboard for the Heartbreak Prince, fic by the wonderful @kylorenvevo (Thea)

Reylo Frankenstein au, idea partially by @indefinitelyindia

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yourwakingnightmares · 4 years ago

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Even leaving aside the terrible plots, the horrific writing, the nonsensical contrivances, and the decimation the new Star Wars movies did to the universe, let’s talk about ‘Rey’ for a moment. Now, I would like to say that, while Star Wars lore will obviously be mentioned, I’m not going to talk about any of the above mentioned things as issues, because I seriously want to focus on this new -and unfortunately increasing -characterization in film and books lately.

Rey is one of the most horrifically written characters I’ve seen in a major franchise in years, for many, many reasons. None of them having anything to do with her gender, despite what thousands of critics like to loudly proclaim.

Firstly, let’s talk about how Rey just ‘does’ things. There is no learning curve with her; there’s no payoff for a journey well traveled. Everything Rey does, she simply does well. In the first movie alone, Rey is...

1. A phenomenal pilot, despite having never flown a large starship. She does this in a ship that -we’ve seen from previous movies -is old, and cantankerous; like many older vehicles in our own world, the Millennium Falcon has it’s own little quirks that Rey simply knows how to deal with, or counter effectively while flying for the first time in what’s referred to as a ‘dog fight’.

2. She’s a phenomenal mechanic. She knows how to repair space ships, to a point where she feels confident yanking out what looks to be a type of computer chip, while flying through space.

3. She knows how to use the computer systems of this ship, opening doors, plotting courses, etc.

4. She’s a crack shot with a gun after her first three shots miss wildly; after that, she rarely misses a shot ever again, regardless of circumstances, or distance.

5. She is able to speak or at least understand, several languages that are either incredibly rare (Wookie), or that are nothing more than a series of beeps and boops (droids), or that we see from random space aliens in random settings.

5. She is an excellent light saber duelist; despite using a weapon that’s considered to be incredibly dangerous for the user, she not only doesn’t harm herself at all, but she is able to defeat someone who we can safely assume has had 15+ years of dueling training with these weapons.

6. She is able to lift very large objects using the force, despite every other character in all 9 movies requiring training to do. But Rey simply does it, and on a much larger scale than what we’ve seen before previously -even from Anakin Skywalker, one of the most powerful force users in the trilogy.

7. She is able to use advanced Force techniques, purely by accident. Force Lightning and Force Healing are things that -in the books, the movies, the games, and the television shows -that require years of training, a focused mind, and will and intent to use them. Rey, however... simply does it. Out of nowhere.

This is a small list of things that Rey is simply able to do, with no training, no learning time. She’s an orphan girl from a scavenging desert world, with minimal technological advances; she shouldn’t even be aware that half of the above mentioned things are possible, much less to do them with ease. The other half are things that require training, and experience to be able to do, and yet still: Rey does them with ease, and much better than many other character who have had that training and experience.

Now, onto a more psychological note. Rey is simply good. She has no flaw that she needs to develop, no weakness she needs to improve. She is kind, helpful, persevering, plucky, humorous, quick-witted, intelligent, loyal, and believes in the good of people. The only things we see about Rey that are presented as flaws is her need to bond with people, and her unwavering belief that there’s good in any one.

But despite these being presented as Rey’s ‘flaws’, they are not shown to hinder her in any real, significant ways; they don’t cause her any lasting consequences, they don’t hinder her in any important way, and in fact, are used to show us, the audience, that she is simply good. Her immediate trust of Finn, her belief that Kylo can be good, and so forth, are all presented to us as ‘look at what a great person Rey is’.

The few ‘mistakes’ Rey makes, never leave her with any consequences at all. She accidentally releases the Rathors? How convenient that they eat all of her opponents instantly, while leaving her friends alive for her to save. She runs off on her own, and gets captured? How convenient that it left her exactly where she needed to be to destroy the base, and save her friends.

Nothing bad ever sticks with Rey; her mistakes don’t make her question herself, her actions don’t ever leave her injured, her quips don’t ever come back to bite her in the ass. She simply continues on, with no negative side effects.

Despite people’s resistance to it, this is indeed the definition of a Mary Sue; a blank slate character we typically see in fanfiction writing, by younger, or more inexperienced writers. These characters are presented as perfect, because the people making these characters don’t know how to make a sympathetic flaw, or how to create a compelling character arc for their character. Characters who the author wishes they could be, perfect, in every way. (Also, despite the name, there are many male ‘Mary Sue’ character out there -it’s not a ‘female’ problem).

Movies and books are both the same thing: a way of telling a story. If we go back to some of the oldest stories ever told, ones that are repeated today, we see characters who are flawed, characters who struggle, characters who fail at their task, time and time again. Gilgamesh is vain, arrogant, and proud, yet he does everything in his power to try and save Enkidu, a one-time slave who has become his closest companion. Beowulf, like many story warriors, is arrogant, and insists on his own superiority against a clearly superior foe; however, despite this, we’re told that his men loved him, and that he was a good king. I could go on and on with examples of this throughout history.

But the example I find most fitting for comparison here is the Lord of the Rings series. While far more simplistic than Star Wars, the characterizations in LotR are vastly superior. We’re shown that Merry and Pippin aren’t the brightest creatures in Middle Earth, but they’re loyal to a fault. We’re shown that Aragorn is a strong, good man, but he’s so afraid of failing that he won’t even let himself try. We see Boromir, a man who just wants to protect his people, and be a hero, that he’s willing to risk it all. We see Legolas and Gimli, two people from different species who spend most of the first book/movie bickering over slights that no one else even remembers. We see Frodo, a Hobbit who falls repeatedly, but keeps forcing himself back up. We see Sam, who can’t fight, can’t sneak, hell, who can’t even swim, going on the most dangerous journey ever undertaken in their world, to try and take care of his friend.

And we watch these characters overcome these flaws as time goes on. We see Merry and Pippin go on to bring the Ents into the war, and fight side by side with Men against vastly superior foes. We see Aragorn finally accept his destiny, and overcome his fear of failure to accept his responsibility. We see Boromir realize the mistake he’s made, and die trying to protect the Hobbits, while telling Aragorn that he has shamed himself with his actions. We see Legolas and Gimli become best friends, to overcome the millennia of hatred their species share, to spend the rest of their lives together as friends. We see Frodo and Sam persevere against all odds to finally succeed in their goals.

Part of the emotional high we get from watching or reading about make-believe characters is the journey itself; what they do to get from point A to point B. The mistakes they make, the flaws they try to better, and so on, and the consequences they suffer because of the mistakes made, and the flaws they have.

So while watching Rey, we’re deprived of that emotional high; we know Rey will succeed, because Rey is all that is good. We know that Rey will succeed, because nothing bad ever happens to her. We know that Rey won’t fall to the dark side, because she literally has no flaws to speak of. We know that she’ll suffer no lasting consequences of her actions, because she is simply there to succeed and move the story along.

This is lazy writing. This is a Mary Sue character. And for the first female main character -I don’t consider her to be such, I stan Princess Leia now and forever, but many do -it was a disappointment. An epic let down. We received no emotional pay off, no rollercoaster of events, no hesitation or doubts in her abilities...

It was the ‘Rey Does Everything’ show, with the audience around to act as the live studio audience to clap when appropriate.

#Star Wars #Rey #Mary Sue #Bad Writing #Lazy Writing #Characterization #Character Development #Lord of the Rings

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countingnothings · 7 years ago

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If Hobbit asks are unwelcome, feel free to ignore this, but I have enjoyed your Tolkein literary analyses and would greatly appreciate your insight on something. You might've heard of Saphroneth's "Saruman of Many Devices" fic; I'm fiddling around with a similar conceit that puts modern-armed Uruks in the Hobbit. How would Smaug react to new things? For that matter, how is Smaug written?

This is such a delightful question! It makes me feel like pulling out my notes from the rest of my LotR re-read and finish up at least Books III and IV in some kind of public way. Caveat here: I haven’t read The Hobbit in full in several years, so I may edit this post in a bit to abridge my thoughts.

OKAY SO. I had to do a bit of digging and thinking before I came around to the idea of modern-armed orcs of any kind, but gun-toting Uruks finally kind of makes sense to me. I wonder, though, to what extent Saruman’s creations are truly new, or if everything he does is just kind of a rip-off of Sauron+Morgoth’s best work. If that’s the case, I think we’d end up with a Smaug who was able to associate Uruks with Guns to some other thing he’d come across. But, because that’s less interesting (and because we already have an example of that in his treatment of Bilbo as something-almost-but-not-quite-a-dwarf), let’s assume that Saruman has actually hit the jackpot on a truly devious and new thing, and Smaug has no point of reference.

The Smaug we get in “Inside Information” is frightening because of how clever he is, but because our narrator knows the end of the story and is easing us along to it, we know, as Bilbo does not, that “there was a lot [in Bilbo’s self-description] which Smaug did not understand at all [...] but he thought he understood enough, and he chuckled in his wicked inside” (208 in the edition in front of me). Here we have the image of someone who is used to being the cleverest person in the room, who has endless patience for riddling, and who enjoys the thrill of figuring out a puzzle, especially when the puzzle-poser thinks themselves cleverer than he. As it turns out, he does understand a fair deal, both about the situation (fourteen dwarves are back; Lake-town is involved) and about the nature of its players (Bilbo is unsure whether he can really trust Thorin & Co., or the Lake-men, or himself).

Smaug has “rather an overwhelming personality,” and he knows how to use it to his advantage one-on-one, as well as, well, when he’s wreaking all sorts of fun and fiery mayhem. But he is also susceptible to flattery, as are most people who fancy themselves the smartest person in the room, and who are used to their devastating personalities rather crushing their interlocutors into quivering reverence.

He’s quick to take offense, and quick to lash out, all characteristics of particularly, shall we say, choleric dispositions. But he doesn’t often let his temper get in the way of his ability to plan and plot; he is cunning not simply because he intuits the answers to problems and sees connections without having to be told, but because he is able to allow the chill of rationality to temper his fire. He sneaks up on the dwarves at the end of the chapter in question, and only Bilbo’s quite rational caution saves them from a rather chaotic barbecue. When he doesn’t manage to catch them, foiled by the fear he too-readily instilled, his anger gets the better of him; “revenge is a dish that is best served cold” is the kind of maxim he just wouldn’t get.

In many respects, Tolkien writes him like a fire: swift, controlled only to a point, indiscriminate in destruction. He is much more clever than a fire, but he does trust his own judgement rather too well. Like all clever people, he dislikes being wrong, and when he finds himself wrong about where Thorin & Co. have made their egress, he needs to smash something. Also like clever people, when he finds the people of Esgaroth, led by the inimitable Bard, fighting against him, he gets even angrier. Don’t these people know that I’m right?! I must confess to thinking the same myself; the idea that someone would give me battle (on an intellectual, not a town-burning front, to clarify) is an affront.

So, how would a clever person, used to being the cleverest, with a short fuse and more than a bit of an ego, respond to something completely outside of their wheelhouse?

I think, for starters, with questions. Not the kind that would make him seem ignorant! No, he would carefully observe, and ask the kind of leading questions that get Bilbo to reveal far more than he means to. If you read “Inside Information,” you’ll see just how little Smaug actually says, and just how much he is able to cobble together from what little Bilbo tells him. He’d start with the obvious, get the Uruks/Saruman (although let’s be real, Saruman on the front lines? Ha!) talking about themselves with questions directed toward things he can already guess; numbers, for instance, species, the materials of these new-fangled weapons, etc. Then he’d apply just enough pressure to turn the conversation toward his areas of ignorance, give them just enough rope to hang themselves, as the saying goes.

He’d probably come to a conclusion that was about 80% right within a few minutes, and from there he’d probably start to perform the party trick of telling the unknown guests what he has guessed about them, because his pride couldn’t allow it to go unsaid. He would do this whether they came with an offer of alliance or an attempt to, y’know, oust him from the mountain.

Now, what if Smaug’s first encounter with Fighting Uruk GIs was in a battlefield? Then, we’d have something a little different. I suspect we’d have a Smaug full of rage at the NERVE of people using fire against him, on top of his utter disgust at the idea of people coming against him at all. We’d get a physical attempt to overpower rather than a mental one, but with the same motivation: Smaug knows he’s the best (well, the best that’s left, and the fact that he’s the one that’s left says something about how clever he is, or at least it does to him), and he wants other people to know it, too. Like many clever/far too ripped people, he is plagued with the worry that is he is clever/far too ripped in a forest and there is no one there to hear it, was he really clever/far too ripped?

Finally, even though Saruman on the front lines is about as likely as...anyway, a very unlikely thing, it would be utterly delightful to have two people who are used to being the cleverest person in the room in a room together, each getting increasingly irritated as the other refuses steadfastly to acknowledge their intellectual superiority. One of them would have to turn to a physical attack. I think this is likely to be the case even if your narrative demands that they be allies, perhaps even more so.

#tolkien #lit #dragons #awkward when you identify with a genocidal jewellery-obsessed worm #now think about what JRRT wants to accomplish with this too-clever person!#blastfarmer

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i-read-good-books · 8 years ago

Text

yoi lotr au

this is from several centuries ago but i think i never made a tumblr post for it and it’s my favourite fic that i’ve written so you know fuck modesty ayy

Title: "The Adventures of Sparkly Elf and Soft Hobbit, Endured With Great Patience by The Bright And Powerful, Best In The Land, Yuri Plisetsky."

Word Count: 4k

Summary: Critics have always considered "The Adventures of Sparkly Elf and Soft Hobbit, Endured With Great Patience by The Bright And Powerful, Best In The Land, Yuri Plisetsky." one of the most faithful descriptions of Legend Victor Nikiforov, the greatest elven fighter for more than eight centuries. Although it is narrated by Plisetsky as an adolescent, and thus contains strong language and spends more time ridiculizing his travelling companions than giving thoughtful insight into Nikiforov's psyche, it still remains as an essential reading in every scholar that decides to study Nikiforov [...] //

Day 95: Caught Nikiforov writing love poems. Am appalled at bad writing more than anything else. Example: “I really like your dark eyes / and all the other parts of your face. Your butt is the perfect size / and I would love to see you in lace.” Hope the Hobbit cannot read, or am afraid this love story will not have a pleasant ending.

Alternatively: Elf!Yuri talks shit about Elf!Victor and Hobbit!Yuuri in his diary.

Link to ao3: here

Actual fic under the cut:

"The Adventures of Sparkly Elf and Soft Hobbit, Endured With Great Patience by The Bright And Powerful, Best In The Land, Yuri Plisetsky."

Critics have always considered "The Adventures of Sparkly Elf and Soft Hobbit, Endured With Great Patience by The Bright And Powerful, Best In The Land, Yuri Plisetsky." one of the most faithful descriptions of Legend Victor Nikiforov, the greatest elven fighter for more than eight centuries. Although it is narrated by Plisetsky as an adolescent, and thus contains strong language and spends more time ridiculizing his travelling companions than giving thoughtful insight into Nikiforov's psyche, it still remains as an essential reading in every scholar that decides to study Nikiforov, as Plisestky was his protégé and closest friend. It is also, admittedly, an incredibly honest read, compared to some stories that overglorify Nikiforov and paint him as overworldly. The beginning of his relationship with Yuuri Katsuki, famous hobbit adventurer, is also illustrated in the book.

- Excerpt from "Victor Nikiforov: Legend and Truth", by scholar and famous entertainer Minako Okukawa.

Day -24: Nikiforov barges into my room in the middle of the night, wearing a pink frilly nightdress that I am quite convinced belongs to Mila, and announces, terribly loud, “Yuri! I have found my next adventure!” Proceeds to leave the room immediately, leaving glitter on my floor. My brethren and I have had our sleep disturbed for no conceivable reason. If this happens to be similar to the Human Pleasure Device Incident, will slit Nikiforov’s throat in the night.

Day -23: Nikiforov appears to be convinced that his adventure will be worthwhile. He has promised me he will not request me to undress a human female again. I have politely asked him not to ever mention the Incident again. Might have to invest in more of my daggers, as they have proved to be extremely useful. Nikiforov cheerfully informs me this adventure will involve hobbits. Do not see how this is supposed to encourage me to join him in his mad tourist trips across Middle Earth. Will ask Mila if hobbits are edible. Am unsure if she will know either.

Day -22: Hobbits are not edible, Mila is a terrible tattle tale, and Yakov is considering bringing me to a “place with other elves your age, lad”. If I am found dead come morning, Grandfather, ensure my fellow warriors find a safe place.

Day -21: Nikiforov will not consider my polite request to “leave me the fuck alone”, and continues to bother me at weapons training with plans for his reckless endeavour. He tells me there’s a magic hobbit in the Shire who can attract ancient creatures. Am glad, maybe this hobbit will get devoured before Nikiforov tracks him down. It would be fortunate.

Day -20: The Devil Himself (Yakov, Grandfather, I mention him sparsely, as I rather dislike him. He is too loud and much too tall) has declared he considers the idea of me joining Nikiforov’s wild trips marvelous, instead of repugnant. Do not know if simply stupid or just senile. Will consider murdering him to avoid leaving. Rivendell is not terribly disgusting at this time of year, and my warriors are comfortable here.

Day -19: Got caught trying to sneak into The Devil’s chambers. Mila informs me that “killing is not nice, baby”. Am not a baby. Am nearly 50 years old, you wrench.

Day -17: Neither threats nor pleading have persuaded my instructors. Am supposed to leave in two days’ time to get to the hellhole called “The Shire” to kidnap a prepubescent hobbit and force him to do our bidding. Have informed Nikiforov this sounds remarkably like “sexual harassment”. Nikiforov replies that I should stop reading Mila’s psychology novels. Am offended. I only read them for the plot.

Day -16: Hobbits are apparently smaller than dwarves. Cannot wait to be taller than someone. Am properly excited.

Day -15: Nikiforov apparently packed his whole wardrobe for the journey. Cannot truly say I did not expect this. My warriors hide in my cape, ready to spring on unsuspecting enemies and claw their eyes out. They are not “so cute!” as Nikiforov implies. He is an ignorant, and must be eliminated as soon as possible.

Day -10: Nikiforov has run out of natural glitter. Have never seen someone so utterly devastated. Must make sure to steal the glitter more often back in Rivendell.

Day -5: Nikiforov tries to tell me about the mysterious hobbit we’re supposed to abduct and manipulate. He says I will be happy, because the hobbit is slightly younger than I am in human years. I tell him I will not be happy, because I will be with a hobbit. Nikiforov has nothing to say to that.

Day -3: Arrival at The Shire. It is disgustingly cheerful. Nikiforov tells me to “keep still” until he finds the our target. I tell him to “go fuck yourself”, and proceed to wander around the Shire. Have discovered that hobbits are, in fact, quite shorter than me. They also eat ridiculous amounts of food. I approve of both these facts. Have written down several interesting recipes for Grandfather to make when I am back in Mirkwood.

Day -2: Nikiforov comes back with our kidnapped hobbit. He does not look like much of a magical creature. He is also, indignantly, called “Yuuri”, which amuses NIkiforov to no end, and ignores my attempts at being at peace, alone , insisting that I eat far too little. Am astounded he thinks I consider his opinions about me relevant. Believe the disgusting hobbit and Nikiforov are carrying on an illicit love affair, if their repugnant longing looks are anything to go by. I fear for my virtue.

Day -1: Hobbit: “Well, Victor, I don’t -” Nikiforov: “Did you...did you just call me by my given name?” Hobbit, while an alarming shade of red: “I’m so sorry, please, excuse me -” Nikiforov, the same shade: “No, uh, it’s fine.” I wish for the sweet relief of death.

Day 0: After a day of making eyes at Nikiforov, like only the blind do, Frighteningly Cheerful Hobbit invites us to sleep at his “hobbit hole” before our journey… I do not know what his “hole” refers to, and do not wish to know. Grandfather...hobbits are such deviants.

Day 1: We set off. Hobbit has forgotten his Pork Cutlet Bowl knife. We return to his “hole” (a type of house in the ground, I was mistaken, Grandfather, although it was painful for the height of the ceiling. Nikiforov, I am happy to say, was hurt much more badly than I was. But he did share a room with the Hobbit, which is a greater punishment than any creature needs) and get it. We set off once more. Nikiforov has forgotten his hairbrush. I throw one of my warriors at him to end his life. Warrior just meows. Am tired of this journey already.

Day 5: Have finally reached Bree. Easily Terrified Hobbit fidgets incessantly and clings to Nikiforov’s arm like a pest. He, disgustingly, seems to enjoy it immensely, smiling besottedly at the creature and making the hobbit get flustered in increasingly obvious ways. Have decided to find some poison in case they act any more smitten around each other. Bought food and blankets for my fellow warriors, although it was of an abysmally low quality. Strangely, miss Rivendell, in a It-was-terrible-but-familiar way. Must make sure to never grow attached to any place again.

Day 12: Hobbit has learnt about elven mealtimes, and is horrified. “How dare you, Victor?” he shouted at Nikiforov today, “Yuri is a child , he must be fed much more than this! I can’t believe you’d be so irresponsible! How many meals does he have a day, huh? Huh?!” Nikiforov, looking terrified and backing up, even though he is almost twice the hobbit’s heights, replied, “Um...three, four times per day?” This is my only source of entertainment, Grandfather. The Hobbit is currently not speaking to him, refusing to even look at him, and treats me like a newborn elf, which offends me greatly. Am glad he has seen the light regarding Nikiforov, although he is completely mistaken. I am not a child, and do not need feeding.

Day 17: ....the Hobbit’s cooking is surprisingly edible. Am fine with being a child for him. Hope Mila never finds out. Must destroy all evidence. Hobbit is elated, and calls me “dear”. Must kill him, too.

Day 18: After reflecting on it for a day, cannot believe hobbits are so advanced in the culinary department. Although they lack many other attributes (like basic intelligence and a sense of common decency), they certainly have a great amount of talent and ingenuity regarding sustenance. Truly remarkable creatures, these hobbits, even if they are inferior to us. They eat seven meals a day, Grandfather. Must market this. Inform the Financial Advisor, Yuri Purrsetsky.

Day 19: As of today, have been attacked by orcs, most of them riding drooling wargs (utterly repulsive), trolls and several unpleasant inebriated humans. Nikiforov is ecstatic that Hobbit attracts them to us. The Hobbit does not look as pleased with the confrontations, and has resumed his desperate clinging to Nikiforov, apparently forgiving him for starving me. I enjoy myself while making clever jokes about how the hobbit should learn to handle Nikiforov’s “sword”, and cackle evilly when he flushes.

Day 35: Mila has sent me a letter. It says: “LOL VICTOR SAYS YOU EAT HOBBIT FOOD YOU FUCKING NERD”. Nikiforov will die tonight. Am prepared to run from the law.

Day 48: Hobbit insists my brethren are “adorable”. I inform him it is a slight on his part, as they are fierce warriors who could kill him in his sleep. Warrior Dreaded Claw discredits me by purring while the Hobbit pets him. Feel betrayed by my comrades.

Day 50: The Hobbit keeps touching my warriors. Get your hands off them, you filthy mongrel .

Day 53: Nikiforov has joined the warrior shaming, most likely to get points from Hobbit, who is delighted someone supports him. Nikiforov takes advantage of this by putting his hand on the Hobbit's shoulder and walking him everywhere to "get stuff for your kittens, Yuri!". Hobbit makes a point to coo every single time he sees me with my warriors. Am offended this behaviour is allowed to continue without any repercussions, and consider it a baseless infantilization of my noble and solemn partners. EDIT: Must remember to heat the milk I bought for Sharp Fang, as she is sensitive to cold liquids and too young to be risking her health.

Day 60: The Hobbit Yuuko (AKA The Least Unbearable Hobbit I Have Ever Met) has sent me a letter. It is three feet of parchment long, and she explains in great detail how goats are raised in different climates. Am unsure what she means by this. Will ask Hobbit if this is part of some sick courtship ritual between these creatures.

Day 62: Not As Annoying As Most Hobbits has sent another letter. Apparently, the first one was for somebody else. In my letter, she tells me how to take care of my “luscious, glorious hair, Yuri!” and gives me advice on proper elven fashion. ...do not know which of the two was worse.

Day 73: They have not kissed. They very pointedly do not sleep in the same tent. I can feel the gods’ anger. Cannot deal with the residual traces of sexual tension in the air. Am unable to sleep for fear of them starting to become... intimate while I find myself in deep slumber, ignorant of the horrors happening next to me. Am considering calling the Furry Wizard to take me in, such is my desperation.

Day 80: Fought a dragon. Meh, could’ve been better. Hobbit rewarded us for saving his life by giving us some of its Pork magic dish.

Day 105: The Hobbit has sewn pockets into my Tiger Monster cape to keep my warriors there as we travel. Hobbit is extremely worried for my health and that of my brethren, so I allow him to live one more day. Must use him as blackmail against Nikiforov.

Day 110: "I wonder about all the eros you can give me." The hobbit thinks this is an intercultural thing, and is blushing in a ridiculous manner. I am concerned about the education received in the Shire. I fear for Nikiforov’s blood pressure. Do not know if I will escape to a safe place before he inevitably jumps the Hobbit.

Day 117: Fifty Shades of Gandalf visits us. He says, “Victor Nikiforov, the greatest fighter in the realm, whose name is feared and revered alike. What is your destiny, what dream are you chasing with this strange ensemble of companions and felines?” Nikiforov tells him some bullshit about becoming his better self and chasing something to challenge himself. Am convinced he thought, “Getting da booty.”

Day 134: Am sitting on a moderately comfortable rock, because this is the luxury a young, outstanding elf can find near the Misty Mountains. The Very Hungry Hungry Hobbit comes up to me. “Yuri,” he says. He is clearly nervous, fidgeting and glancing around us to see if anyone is in the area. I understand this because the Hobbit is incapable of surviving on his own (it is a miracle he has reached his age without being murdered) and I feel for him, the same way I do for small rodents, cockroaches, or Victor Nikiforov. “Yuri,” he says again, while I daydream about squashing him immediately after making him reveal the ‘Most Glorious Katsudon’ recipe, “Do you think Victor likes me?”

I…

I am going back to Mirkwood.

I cannot be expected to stand this. I’m out. Grandfather, I’m coming back.

Day 141: “But, like. Do you think, um, an elf and a hobbit would like, work ? Cause, um, I’m just… very out of my depth? I really appreciate you listening to me, Yuri.” I hate my immortal existence.

Day 158: Yuuko The Most Tolerable Hobbit sends me a portrait of her minuscule hobbit triplets with straw in their head and wearing animal skins, and writes below it, They have a new idol! Am unsure if I should be pleased with this or not. Must write to them about how to improve their fashion skills. Hmmm. On second thought, might be a good idea to have some minions.

Day 173: Nikiforov has decided to teach the Hobbit how to dance, and thinks that the best way for it to go is to educate his worryingly tiny mate in some elven dancing and rites. He has failed to take into account that the Hobbit’s head barely reaches his waist. Watching them flail is the best fun I’ve had in ages.

Day 174: Nikiforov has decided that, since I am only slightly taller than the Hobbit (a fact that I am immensely proud of) we must dance together. Although I thought it terrible and meaningless at first, am now greatly entertained when Nikiforov flinches the moment I put my hands on the Hobbit. Cannot control the urge to smirk. The Hobbit is, of course, completely oblivious.

Day 192: Wake up to the sounds of the Unpleasant Hobbit moaning Victor's name. Proceed to whack them with a stick and scream, yelling profanities at them. Human raiders attack us because of it. I regret nothing.

Day 193: Hobbit is sheepish and refuses to make eye contact with me (good for him), flushing and turning away, giggling, every time That Wretched Elf touches him. Nikiforov, on the other hand, enjoys pulling his undershirt down to show the disgusting marks he left on him. Retreat to eat dinner with my brethren, huffing.

Day 206: “I hope you know that… it won’t change things, that me and Victor are together. I know you two are close, and I don’t want to get in the way of that, Yuri. It would be great if you could come to like me, too. I think you’re a great warrior, and an even better elf.” I fucking hate Hobbits and I do not tear up, no matter what Nikiforov claims. I long for the day I can murder him without repercussions.

Day 218: Nikiforov decides to adopt some rabbits. Do not know if Hobbit will be okay with having children so early into their relationship. My warriors are not unhappy with the development, although Obscure Fur is still on the fence about the bigger one.

Day 219: Hobbit grows a spine and makes Nikiforov release the rabbits. “Victor, they need to be free!” “But you let Yuri keep his kittens!” “They’re his family , Victor, and they are adorable !” Am growing to like the Hobbit more each day. What a pity that he is such an inferior creature.

Day 226: Nevermind. Must remember to always sleep with my whacking stick in hand to avoid a repeat. Will be scarred forever. Did not expect the Hobbit to be this... adventurous . Will stop thinking about the Hobbit in that context.

Day 248: "Yuuri, I...I think you've changed me. I've never felt like this before, never wanted to be with someone else so badly that my heart ached. You're...you're a shooting star across the dark night that is my life, lighting my path." "Uh...yeah, um, me too, Victor." Do not know how hobbits are still alive, if that is their standard reproductive behaviour. Will inform Grandfather not to invest in the hobbit gardening industry, as it might end in the near future because of hobbit shortage. My stick has been graced with another whacking, and Nikiforov coincidentally has another bruise, this time not because of his disgusting deviant tendencies, which are quite unbecoming of an elf of his breeding.

Day 253: I…

Another dragon found us today, while we were travelling. I was not worried, as I have grown used to Nikiforov handling every monstrous creature thrown our way without trouble. The Flamboyant Elf didn’t disappoint this time, of course, but he took longer than usual. Hobbit, in his stupid panic, tried to help. Hobbit...Yuuri (I might call him by his given name, as he might be dead by tomorrow) got injured. I… Saw Nikiforov crying for the first time. Do not want to see it again. Grandfather...have you seen this before? The way an elf fears for their mortal lover? Is this pain the one the stories talk about, woven in the songs? Will Nikiforov, too, die with the Hobbit? ...Will I be left alone?

Day 255: The Hobbit hasn’t woken up. Nikiforov does not leave his side. The ingredients for the past two nights’ dinner are still in the Hobbit’s bag, but I am not hungry. My brethren refuse to eat, as well. That wretched Hobbit should die, as stupid and careless as he is. He will do nothing but bring us grief.

Day 279: After weeks of fever and incessant worrying, the Hobbit is once again healthy. I tell him it would be a shame if he died before I could torture him to punish him for his misdeeds and insults to my person. He insists on fussing over me, as I am, apparently “too skinny, oh god, did Victor even feed you?”. His desire to take care of me (as if I needed it, the self-centered bastard) must wait, given the fact that Nikiforov hasn’t let go of him for the past twelve hours. Am shocked and repulsed to find that I do not find it as disgusting as I once did. Must be a side effect of living with these deviants.

Day 284: Send poison, Grandfather, I beg of you. My dutiful army of terrifying kittens, it is time to fulfill our destiny and end the suffering in this world. I cannot bear this any longer. Grandfather, you might be disappointed in me if I become a murderer, fleeing the law and taking refuge in the dwarven mountains, but I will not witness the Irritatingly Red Hobbit feeding Victor that Precious Katsudon once more. No more .

Day 290: The Hobbit insists on us visiting the Shire for some time. He says he must give news to his family, and it has been too long since he was home. Nikiforov immediately agreed with the Hobbit and disregarded my protests, because he is whipped. Heard the Hobbit talking about introducing Nikiforov to his family. Am slightly impressed with how manipulative he can be.

Day 302: One of my warriors gave birth to more of our troops last night. Hobbit is delighted, and helps me care of them. I watch him carefully to make sure he does not try to harm them, although I doubt he has enough of a brain to have ulterior motives. Nikiforov enjoys teasing me about them, “Weren’t they supposed to be fearsome warriors who needed no assistance, Yuri?” I retort with, “Weren’t you supposed to be pretty , Nikiforov? People lie.”

Day 305: Nikiforov is still sulking about the comment I made. Hobbit tries to reassure him he is pretty with an endless stream of compliments, and kisses an unnecessary amount of times in my presence. I do my best to ignore them, and fantasize about tearing them apart limb by limb.

Day 317: Have finally arrived at the Shire, and am quite excited to see Yuuko, The Almost Pleasant Hobbit once more. Perhaps will enjoy my time with my “fans”, the triplets. Have received a letter from Mila. It reads: “Is it true Victor’s banging that Hobbit? Omg, take pictures!”. Did not reply.

Day 319: I take all my nice words about my fans back.Children are demons and I cannot wait to leave the Shire. Why must they exist? When I voiced my complaints to Nikiforov, who looks like an extremely suspiciously happy elf after leaving Bumbling Fool Hobbit's room in the morning, he cackles very unattractively and says, "But you are a child, Yuri." Grandfather, this is harassment.

Day 321: Have caught a ‘cold’ from the fiendish triplets. I fear for my life. Grandfather, it has been good knowing you. Must say goodbye to my brethren. Wish to die surrounded by them, in proper elvish attire, while Nikiforov’s body burns on a spike.

Day 324: The Hobbit has established himself as my own physician, and pretends to know any knowledge about basic medicine while sharing his observations with an actual medical professional in the Shire. Have made peace with the Hobbit’s overwhelming stupidity. Nikiforov tries to help, but Hobbit hisses at him and possessively calls me “his patient”. Am overjoyed that this makes the Drama Queen Elf pout.

Day 328: Am feeling much better, and do not think I will die soon. Yuuko brings me pie, which I feel is the least I deserve after her devilish children got me infected.

Day 330: Today, the Bondage Wizard With A Pointy Hat came to the Shire. He informed us that the Hobbit does not in fact attract any magical creatures at all, and it was all his doing. Therefore, this journey was a road to self-realization (except I somehow got strung along. Funny how it is never wizards that get caught up in “destiny”.). Nikiforov looks slightly annoyed, but is disgustingly happy with the Hobbit. I am not blinded by these trivial matters, and proceed to whack the Bondage Wizard with my stick. Cannot believe I wasted a year of my life on this useless adventure. Will be back soon, Grandfather.

Day 373: Am back in Rivendell. Mila is calling herself “a huge Nikatsuki shipper”, which could possibly be her new cult name. Yakov yells at me, which is normal. Miss the Hobbit’s cooking, if not his presence. Definitely do not miss Nikiforov, not in the slightest.

Day 458: Have received an invitation to the Hobbit and Nikiforov’s wedding. Have advised Mila to bring arsenic in case they engage in intimate activities while in the presence of others. Will consider taking Grandfather with me, so he can inspect the culinary developments in the Shire. Yuuko says the couple is “so adorable, Yuri!”. Poor deluded hobbit.

fin

#victuuri #yoi #yuri on ice #fanfiction #lotr #lotr au

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winnifredburkleismyhero · 2 years ago

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I loved this! 😍