#dick just inherited a bunch of cash

[bunathebunny]

wanting sugar dating sladicknette but realizing all of them are well-off

[myherowritings]

PART 4. HOW THE RICH SUCK THEIR OWN DICKS

SUMMARY. Todoroki Shouto was a wealthy, young CEO who inherited his father’s enterprise. You were a barista at a local cafe who wouldn’t mind some extra cash. One day, Shouto came in during an early morning shift and tipped you such a large sum of money, you were certain it had to have been an accident. To your surprise and complete pleasure: It was not.

PAIRING. ceo!todoroki shouto x barista!reader

WORD COUNT. 2.9k

GENRE. ceo/barista au, fluff, eventual smut

WARNINGS. enji makes an appearance bleh, enji being classist, enji...ew, okay i swear most of the chapter is shouto and y/n being cute though 

A/N. ngl i have genshin brainrot real bad at the moment but i still have motivation for ceo!shouto and ceo!shouto only u.u there are only 7 parts to this series so we’re at the halfway mark already AHHH i hope u enjoy reading and lmk what u think!! :3 xx sof

SERIES MASTERLIST

© myherowritings — all rights reserved. reposting, modifying, copying, or translating of any kind is not allowed. do not read my writing as asmr. do not plagiarize.

Shouto’s day went from good to bad faster than it took to pull an espresso. 

It started off with a good morning text from you and having a brief, but pleasant, interaction at your work. Actually, the past few weeks have been going along a similar routine that he found himself settling into all too comfortably. You even upheld your promise of stealing him away one weekend to walk around the park, get food, and just have time to relax and be happy for once. 

Getting to be in your presence almost daily became so normalized in his life that even some of his employees heard about the cute barista with the best pastries. Yet, although he saw you often, he found himself wanting to talk to you more and more.

But for now, Shouto told himself to settle with starting the mornings off with you. They were the best mornings he’s had in a while and he didn’t want to sound ungrateful. 

Today, however, went sour fast after he heard his father was coming up to the top floor for a meeting with him. He didn’t find the idea of Enji visiting to be the most abhorrent thing, but the moment his father opened his mouth, Shouto quickly took that back. 

As expected, his father reminded him about the annual charity gala Todoroki Enterprises was expected to attend. Handfuls of galas ran through the year, but the once hosted by Naruhata Industries under the guise of raising money and awareness for the charities of choice.

In theory, a charity gala ball sounded humanitarian and a way for the upper class to give back, but in reality, most of the funds collected didn’t go to the actual charities, instead they went to paying for the venue, live bands, entertainment, the most expensive catering, decorations, and more. What presented itself as a charitable event in the eyes of the public was really a way rich people could flaunt their wealth and feel good about themselves for doing absolutely nothing to benefit society. A way for the rich to suck their own dicks, if you would. 

Shouto absolutely hated it. 

It was also a press opportunity and, in his father’s eyes, a way to gain public favor for the Todoroki business. Today, Enji attempted to tell him that bringing a date that fit the mold of high society was the best way for him to establish rapport through media coverage. Apparently, the image news outlets have placed on Shouto were either a heartbreaker and playboy with no care for other’s emotions, or a monotonous stoic who seemed like a robot with no care for other’s emotions.

In either cases, there seemed to be a theme of Shouto not caring for others. 

He sighed. 

“You can’t keep that image, Shouto,” said Enji with his arms folded across his chest. “If the media sees you with someone—a nice girl with a good upbringing—then your likeability will increase tenfold. If there’s no one you like, I’ll have to set up a date for you.”

For a while, he was torn between telling his dad to fuck off and trying to do as he said to keep peace within the family. But then, an image of you popped into his head.

“Actually, there is someone I like.” 

Enji narrowed his eyes. “Oh? An educated girl with wealthy parents?”

“There’s someone I like,” he simply repeated, the tone in his voice growing cold. 

He didn’t know anything about your upbringing or family nor did he exactly care. Shouto didn’t want to bring a date to the dumb gala, but if he had to, he would want it to be you. Only if you agreed, of course. But if you weren’t willing, then he had to face the facts that his father would most likely force a date of his own choosing upon Shouto. 

“That’s good you like someone, son,” Enji said through his teeth, “but we have to make sure it’s not some sort of...loose woman. That’d be even worse publicity—”

“I like someone and if you really cared about my happiness like you said you did, that’d be enough.”

There was a tense silence in the air. Shouto didn’t have enough fingers to count the number of times Enji had told him and his siblings that he would try to be a better dad. A caring dad who only wanted what was best for his children. A better husband for Rei. A better example for the public. The first few times, Shouto believed it. But Enji said the same things over and over again with no lasting change and Shouto was just fed up. 

After hearing the same lie told to him over and over again, it seemed to lose its weight. He seemed to lose his hope in his father ever changing.

Still, Shouto had to deal with him for as long as he lived. That much he knew as a son living in this society. 

But he hoped Enji at least had enough guilt to let him have this.

“Fine.”

Shouto blinked in surprise. 

Enji stated, “If you think your date can help your public image and not be a complete embarrassment to the business, you can bring them.”

That was the closest thing to approval Shouto would get today. He nodded and listened along to whatever else his father had to say, the only thing actually on his mind was thinking about how he would ask you out on a date to some stuffy gala. And hope that you’d say yes.

— ✩ —

“Wait, so, let me get this straight— You’re the CEO of Todoroki Enterprises and even after almost two months of knowing you, I had no clue?”

He inclined his head, looking solemn. “Yes, I’m sorry. Are you upset with me for not telling you sooner?” 

Initial shock aside, you couldn’t say that you were too surprised at the revelation. You knew Shouto was wealthy and probably in some high-up position in the business industry, but you never knew to what extent. A CEO? That had to be the highest rank in a company! And a company as well known as Todoroki Enterprises? 

The thought made you a little nervous. The guy you slowly befriended over the course of short cafe visits and silly texts was Mr. Todoroki? Or worse— The guy you stole away from doing work for a whole weekend was someone as busy as a CEO? You internally groaned. That had to be against laws of the universe or something. 

“I’m not upset, no,” you said with a shake of your head. “I just...can’t believe it I guess.” Eyes widening, you were quick to amend your words. “Well, I can believe it. You seem very intelligent and well-put together and, uh, rich! But I guess I just didn’t think a CEO would be so funny and kind.” You winced. “Oh no, is that mean to say?”

“I don’t think it’s mean.” He shrugged. “You’re right to say most people in this field aren’t known for their delightful temperaments.” 

You absentmindedly drummed your finger against your thigh, trying to process this new information. “So you’re Todoroki Shouto...and you want me to be your date to the Naruhata Charity Ball?” 

“Yeah. I know it’s a huge favor to ask, and I promise you can say no if you choose,” said Shouto in earnest. “I don’t want you to feel obligated to agree.” 

With a hum, you stretched your legs out under the table before crossing one over the other again. It was a Saturday afternoon where you had no work and Shouto managed to escape from his for a few hours of the day. You took him to your favorite ice cream place nearby and the two of you ate at a dining area outside the establishment. 

Just a mundane day as two friends hanging out with each other where you found out one of those friends was the chief executive officer of a billion dollar business headquartered in Japan. 

Totally normal, everyday occurrences, obviously. 

“And you need a date for this event?” you asked. In all honesty, you would be more than happy if Shouto asked you out on a date. He was fun and you enjoyed getting to know him. But these particular circumstances made you a tad bit more nervous.

“I normally wouldn’t need to bring one, but my father insists it’d help my public image and in turn the image of the company.” With a pinched look on his face, he took a bite of his ice cream. “In other words I bring a date or he picks one for me.” 

You weren’t the most caught up on super rich people drama, but it was almost infamous how estranged the Todoroki family was. Again, you didn’t know much but you did know enough to say that Todoroki Enji seemed like a Class A asshole. If you could help Shouto out with his weird dilemma, you saw no reason not to. 

“So this charita gala is like where they have those live auctions and silent auctions and get tipsy on fancy wine and champagne for hours right?”

He tilted his head to the side. “Yeah. Have you attended one?” 

“Not quite,” you said with a sheepish smile. “I’ve volunteered at one in school though. As one of those runners? It was fun. I got a bunch of those tiny complimentary candies!” Your mouth watered at the memory. “What kind of drug were in those candies? I’ve never had candy so good before!”

“The tiny, circular candies with the excessively big wrapper? The fruity ones?”

You shot up in your seat, excited he knew what you were talking about. “Yes! That’s the one!” 

The corners of his mouth quirked upwards. “I always see those at these types of events.”

“So… The candy will be there at the gala you want me to accompany you to?” 

“Most likely.”

“Can I take a bunch of those from candies there…?” you asked with an optimistic grin.

“I’ll be your accomplice in sneaking them out.”

“It’s a date!” you said before Shouto could get another word out. 

You’d be reunited with those yummy, fancy candies you’ve been separated from for far too long. What other reason did you need to agree? 

With a determined look on your face, you held your hand out for Shouto to shake to seal the deal. 

He blinked. “Wait. Did you want to discuss it some more? Maybe have a few days to think it through? I’m grateful, of course, but I don’t want you regretting anything.”

“No. I won’t regret it. I’d do anything to taste those candies again.”

Shouto looked unsure what to say. “Isn’t there some parable warning people not to be bribed by candy?”

“Not to take candy from a baby?”

“No. Not that one.”

“That’s the only one I know.”

“Never mind then.” 

The two of you exchanged confused looks before letting out fits of laughter. You weren’t sure if either of you knew exactly what the other was laughing at, but the moment was an enjoyable one nonetheless. 

“Yet another reason to bring me to that fancy event— I’ll make sure you’re entertained all the way through,” you playfully bragged, smoothing down the front of your shirt. 

“The event will definitely be more bearable with you there.” He licked a small bit of his ice cream from his pink spoon, making a sound of approval. “But you can change your mind about coming at any time, Y/N.”

“I won’t,” you said, holding a pinky out. “Pinky promise.”

With what seemed like a bashful expression on his face, Shouto extended his own pinky to interlock yours. You sealed it with a kiss and a heart, like you were a kid again. 

“Now, am I supposed to be in love with you at the gala?” you asked nonchalantly, finishing off your last bite of ice cream. He offered you a spoonful of his and you tried not to grow too flustered at Shouto feeding you his dessert. You murmured a quiet, “Thanks.”

He gave you a small smile. “You’re welcome. As for being in love… I don’t think that’s necessary. Just pretend you like being around me, I think.”

Under the table, you nudged his shoe with yours, pulling a face. “I don’t have to pretend about that, silly.” 

“Ah, well,” he paused, offering you another spoonful of ice cream, “I don’t either.”

“I’m glad.” Then, “Is this strawberry? I was never a big strawberry ice cream fan but for some reason this tastes so good.” 

You ignored the nagging voice in your head that said maybe it wasn’t so much the ice cream flavor but who you were enjoying it with. 

The two of you finished his dessert in peace and after cleaning up the area with a napkin, Shouto turned to you with an intent look on his face.

“Before the gala, would you mind if I talk you shopping so you could pick out what to wear?” he asked. “I would pay of course— It’s the least I could do to say thank you.”

You shook your head. “You don’t have to thank me! You’re my friend and I want to help.” You thought about it for a moment. “And get the candy.”

“Anything for the candy.”

“Exactly,” you said in complete seriousness. “But I wouldn’t mind going shopping with you. You could help me decide what to wear! I’m not exactly sure how to dress for an event as fancy as this.”

“You could wear anything to the event and still look amazing.” His words were ones of flattery but his tone sounded completely genuine. 

Heat rose to your cheeks at the compliment. “Look who’s talking— You’re practically runway ready no matter what time of day.”

“I’ve never walked a runway before.”

You stifled a laugh at his literal interpretation of your words. Cute. “Me neither.”

He looked confused at why you were grinning, but it still brought a smile to his own lips.

By now the sun had begun to set and Shouto was walking you to the train to see you off before you went home.

“Can I pick you up next weekend in the morning?” he said. “So we can get your outfit for the gala?”

“Sure! I’ll text you my address.” 

He nodded in contentment. “And again, you don’t have to worry about any costs.”

“Is this why my friends have called you a sugar daddy?” you teased, bumping your shoulder against his as you walked down the street, side-by-side. “But thank you. Shopping will be fun— We can even match colors!” 

“Mn.” He looked between the both of you, as if trying to picture what colors would complement each other. 

You crossed the sidewalk in a comfortable silence, enjoying the scenery by Shouto’s side. A few times, you even felt his knuckles brush against yours and you had the undeniable urge to hold his hand. Would that be weird? you asked yourself before deciding against it. 

Just because he asked you to be his date for the Naruhata Charity Ball didn’t mean he actually liked you, right? It was just a favor from a friend to a friend.

Something about that though made your stomach unsettled. Maybe part of you wanted it to be a real date— Wanted this to be a real date. 

“So I won’t be seeing you tomorrow,” you said after a moment��s silence, trying not to look too dejected. 

You knew he’d still text good morning and good night and ask you random things throughout the day (all of which you found really endearing, by the way), but it was still different from seeing him in person. Even though your time together in the morning was small, they still were enough to make your day. The thought of your waking hours being so entwined made you nervous, but for some reason it didn’t bother you as much as you thought it would. In fact, it was sort of...nice. 

“I’ll see you Monday morning, right?” you asked hopefully, though you were already fairly certain of the answer.

Shouto nodded. “Of course. It’s already marked on my calendar.”

“Ever the flatterer, hmm?” 

“Not flattery, just the truth.” He pulled his phone out and showed you his (rather packed) calendar app. To your surprise, a little reminder that said ‘See Y/N :)’ was marked on his Monday schedule. 

Unable to stop the beam from spreading across your lips, you hid your face in your hands. Gosh— Did he have to be so cute? He was making it harder and harder to only like him as a friend. And even now, you weren’t sure if you liked him only as a friend.

But you pushed those thoughts away.

That was something to deal with at a later time.

When you reached the train station you normally took home, you turned to Shouto, giving him a big hug. He was tall and warm. You could feel his lean muscles through his button-down shirt as you rested your head against his chest and arms around his waist. 

“Thanks for today,” you mumbled. “I’ll see you again soon.”

After a pause, he gave you a hug back, hands rubbing hesitant circles on your back in a way that made you smile. “Text me when you get home safe,” he said as you both reluctantly released each other from an embrace.

“I will,” you promised. “You do the same! Later, Shouto!” 

And with that, you waved goodbye and boarded the train, unable to shake the unwavering grin on your face all the way home.

a/n: when shouto started feeding y/n spoonfuls of his ice cream i cried (Ｔ▽Ｔ) that’s so cUTE OF HIM LIKE PLS SIR STOP BEFORE I FALL MORE IN LOVE WITH U !! >:O he’s such a sweetheart ahhhh,, i hope all the fluff made up for the brief appearance of endeavor ಠ╭╮ಠ  FHDJKF 

what to expect in the next part:

shopping for the gala time !! 

y/n struggles with their fEeLiNGs~ part 2

oh my, y/n has to try on dresses? oh my, it’d be a shame if they needed help putting it on :o *fake gasp* 

yeah things get just a lil steamy but shh

[acommonloon]

Odd story...how sometimes I start off. Today's story begins, a Saturday morning, my favorite kind. Listening to a new-to-me band "Lord Huron" and looking out at the patio, both full of potential. Like the rest of today but first.

- we found out a surrogate daughter (one of our daughter's best friends growing up) was moving into a house in the Portland neighborhood of Louisville this weekend. We immediately offered to help, as we do.

As I said, we've known Kate since she was a giggly girl. She would stay over sometimes and afterwards our daughter would tell us how Kate was so amazed by how we treated our daughter. She was free to pick what she wanted for breakfast, she could have seconds or a snack without asking, she could order what she wanted at restaurants, she could have friends over even if it wasn't her birthday! Once when we took Kate with us to Holiday World. In the mad dash to enter the park, a boy pushed Kate down to get by. I shouted him to a stop and dressed him down. He apologized to Kate. Later our daughter said I'd forever be Kate's hero. I didn't know what she meant but she said, Kate's dad would have yelled at her. Later, I helped her cover up a crime (kind of.)

Kate's house was an abusive environment, we understood that by what was said but there's always so much not said. Little by little, more of that story continues to be told. D knew Kate's mom wanted to leave. They weren't in any way a financially poor family but Kate's dad controlled every aspect of the household including the money. Kate's mom hid cash under her mattress and when she managed to keep a small inheritance a secret, she decided to leave.

I first knew of it when our daughter and Kate drove up here, Kate nearly hysterical. They'd been out looking at rental houses and Kate backed her mom's car into a fence leaving a minor scratch on the painted bumper. Her dad would notice it and would find out they were trying to leave. I was incredulous he'd notice or that he'd find out they were trying to leave if he did but I couldn't dismiss Kate's terror. I called in a favor, got the scratch fixed in a few hours and I don't know if Kate ever even told her mom. I'll keep Kate's secret (shhhhh) to the grave. Well speaking writing of secrets. One she kept from us was revealed.

When her mom told us about kate's move, we said we'd be happy to help, anyway we excited to meet the new boyfriend. Her mom's voice got a little shaky then, she said, we'd love him but, if she ever saw the old boyfriend Jack, she would kill him. We knew Kate's previous boyfriend was a dick. We'd met him and Kate for dinner once when our daughter was visiting and began referring to him as "simple Jack" afterwards. We just thought he was a loud fool too full of himself.

Another time, he got drunk and belligerent here in front of a bunch of our guests. Kate was beside herself with embarrassment but we made little of it and I stayed by Jack to make sure things didn't get more out of hand. When they left, I took Jack's keys from him and walked them to the car.

We learned later Jack bought Kate an engagement ring and presented it to her on a trip to Belgium. Kate refused. OMG can you imagine how hard that must have been for her?

We only recently found out she had a new boyfriend when D saw her FB post announcing she needed to sublet her apartment. D noticed she'd been with the new guy for some time and he has a successful business and is an Englishman! Hallelujah!

We were excited to ask her mom about the new guy but were stunned when she told us if she ever saw Jack again she'd kill him. She said remember when Kate didn't come to our daughter's wedding because her boyfriend was ill? Jack had blacked her eye.

Sadly, not an odd story.

So Kate's mom called yesterday and said Kate was so excited we were coming over. Kate's mom is remarried and I like him fine but...

Kate's new guy sounds like he couldn't be different from simple Jack but...

[adatedreference]

CK2 Can Still Amaze

I am in the midst of a CK2 run, specifically trying to get all the Roman and Hellenic achievements and this latest character has been amazing.

Octavius seemed moreorless unassuming when I had determined he would be the heir to my Roman restorer, in truth his sister Eugenia was slightly better suited to rule, but he was a better general and would be allowed to found the Warrior Lodge for Hellenism: The Olympian Champions. For those who know nothing about CK2 or at least nothing of Holy Fury? Imagine a Medieval Rugby club.

 But we aren’t here to take about his illustrious 41 Years (and counting) as Augustus of the Roman Empire. There are lots of stories there but no let’s just look at what he’s done in just 10 years, between 971 and 981

He got Smallpox

Had his hand cut off, losing said Smallpox

Got all of his drinking/fighting buddies together and wander into the Arabian Empire picking fights because what’s the worst that could happen

Kill both of the Caliph's Sultans in one on one combat.

Get invited to the Arabian capital to fight the Caliph's champion. Too bad he didn't mention it was A LITERAL BEAR

Duel a Bear one on one. And win. Did I mention Octavius is One-Handed.

Duel an eight foot tall woman wielding a club almost my height on the way out. Also win.

Found a Legendary bloodline because lets fucking face it this dude deserves a fucking novel. Sure it would be written by some pulpy, old school very white author but hey, I’m not Octavius, I can’t win everything.

Finish writing my book

Oh look time to rest for peace and prosperity. Knock knock. Who's there? The Black Death.

Oh no Octavius got sick whatever could it be?

Oh wait just Cancer.

Bathe in goat's blood. Only the freshest will do. Works really well. Cancer goes into spontaneous remission. Thanks B. Zebub M.D.

Hey the Black Death just reached our cities and you've nearly bankrupted yourself building hospitals. Time to hole up away from the world.

Character suddenly realizes, while locked away in his castle to avoid literal guaranteed doom "Wouldn't it be cool to prove I was related to Alexander the Great letting me conquer fucking everything?"

Further bankrupt the realm proving to everyone Octavius is somehow related to Alexander, actually going into debt at this point.

Got called into a war against the Umayyads by the Emperor of Kanem-Bornu, start losing because there is no money in the imperial coffers

Pull out of the war as best I can because my armies are in tatters

Genius daughter and heir, Pompeia, dies of severe stress. New heir: Aeternicus with reasonable stats and a bunch of Genius kids.

Started inheriting lots of wealth from all his vassals dying of the Bubonic Plague. Started murdering other vassals for their money as well; I mean really, who is going to check to see if it was actually the plague that killed them... and if they find out, the plague is gonna kill them real quick anyways.

Managed to keep just barely in the positives for cash flow through murder BUT ran out of food in our seclusion

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE: Octavious is officially the Blood of Alexander, for real. We swear.

Come out of seclusion to celebrate. Not because we’re all starving.

Aeternicus’s genius wife dies. Marry him of to a genius landholder in Holland... oh right their hospitals suck. He now has the Plague.

Ok son and heir, Aeternicus dies because of fucking course he does. Also ok daughter Minervina declared the heir. But my Electors are dicks and they can’t decide if it should be my Brother or my cousin but definitely not Minervina.

Oh I’m sick again and this time it IS the plague.

Drink some Mercury. Seems to work pretty fucking well. Guess this is a thing now.

Recover from the Bubonic Plague. Don’t ask, just cheer.

Genius grandson finally comes of age and my electors start listening to me again since his stats would make Ares and Jupiter weep with joy... totally for that reason and not because I bribed them until more people listened.

Time to recover a bit of my economy and then use that super OP Casus Belli I get for being related to Alexander.

....And my cancer is back.

But Mercury worked super well last time so lets do this again! What’s the worst that could happen.

Nothing apparently. Mercury >>>>> Chemo, 200% recommended.

[ramrodd]

Why does National Security Advisor John Bolton want the United States to go to war so bad? (edit)

The neo-cons like John Bolton liked the idea of John Galt making the $ign of the dollar over Baghdad and he’s been chosen to do it again.

COMMENTARY:

Compensation for being scared shitless of going to Vietnam when he was hiding out in the National Guard and pay backs to combat veterans for being combat veterans. Plus, it has been a lucrative career path for him: after displaying his imcompetence as part of the neo-con “Project for the New American Century” jug fuck, he has been somewhat lavishly bankrolled by right wing Dark Money to help obstruct American progressive diplomacy and to advance the neo-isolationism of Steve Bannon. And he got his job with Trump specifically to start a tidy little war to boost the cash flows from the public treasury to his patrons in the GOP Deep State.

It’s all about money.

ADDENDUM:

An additional study of the native crypto-Nazi cognitive organization in response to various considerations proposed by Louis E. Walker, below:

Bless your shriveled lifer soul, I knew I could count on you, Looey (My compliments to Huey and Dewey) After 25 years of the crypto-Nazis with an (R) behind their name pulling you around by your dick, you enjoy it so much, you pull yourself around by your dick. It’s how you earn your red MAGA hat and get your face on MSNBC.

The source of personal bitterness isn’t some ancient grudge against some crypto-Nazi who reminded me of Humphrey Bogart on the bridge of the Caine, if he was Alex Jones doing his thing. I left that behind that day and, like the Christians in Jerusalem whenCestius Gallus withdrew his investment, got out of Dodge. That was the end of Plan A. I think about it and ponder how I could have remained, but more as a professional speculation: if I had had Myers-Briggs about the time you were about 7 years old, when I reported for duty at Infantry Hall. could I have been able to accomodate myself to the moral strictures John McCain surpassed?

No. I’ve thought about it since that evening briefing in An Khe July 1970. I didn’t leave the Army because the Army was fucked up: I left the Army because I judged myself morally insufficient for the contingencies I must surpass in a similar manner as John McCain. It has to do with Matthew 8:10 and the society of the centurion. I explained to John McCain before he died that the reason I left was that “Honor” in the manner he conceived it isn’t the way I conceive it. I explained that, if I had the option of an early out he had, I’m not sure I would have hesitated to accept and live wiit, fully aware of the act as the moral equivalent of tossing a couple women off a Titanic life boat to make room for myself. I don’t know what I would have done and I needed to know and confronted the existential dilemma of continuing to believe in myself or to continue believing in the Big Green Machine.

It was a no-bainer. I quit believing in myself and, as discretely as possible, bailed out.

The issue of “bitterness” is dealing with the fresh insult du-jour from crypto-Nazi asshole like you acting like a typical crypto-Nazi asshole in Fortune 500 corporations with the power to hire you who is pissed at you as a combat vet because you are superior to him in virtually any catagory they can name except running a business, which is just another skill set that’s easy and fun to acquire, and have a certain J’en ais sais quoi with their women money and status can’t duplicate. It’s why Nero dressed up as a Gladiator and Trump performed that ringside blindside WWE takedown.

I continue to run into that with crypto-Nazis like John Bolton and Tucker Carlson and, I can testify, a huge factor in the suicide rate of ANY military vet trying to reenter the civilian market place, it is just dealing like these white guys who were not Democrats, because Democrats didn’t generally go into corporations in the 70s: that began to change in the 80s, when the community organizers from the civil rights movement and social entrepreneurs from the anti-war-event-organizers began going public with their own corporations.

So, when you pop up with your typical lifer scorn and outrage, you become a useful object lesson in being able to identify crypto-Nazi sympathizers who can be enlightened and are worth the trouble to actually appealing to their expensive training and practice in critical thinking at the 5th Wave High Performance operational level but hasn’t learned how to employ those same epistemological mechanisms at home, domestically, for fun and profit. And, when you come into the civilian corporate operational culture, your superior methods just pisses everybody else off. The reason why the Survivor reality show is so popular and persistent is because it is based on the HR model of Rosabeth Moss Kanter coupled to “Neutron Jack” Welch’s management construct, which is based on voting people off the island.

I voted for Nixon before I went to Vietnam and I voted for Nixon when I came home. Nixon and Daniel Patrick Moynihan developed a domestic program designed to spill over into the global economy, including the Soviet Union, that set a process in motion to transform the Miitary-Industrial Complex to an Aerospace-Entrpreneurial Matrix committed to creating the infrastructure necessary to establish a permanent United Nations Space Force base on the moon by 2001, just like the movie. Officers my age with ROTC commissions assumed that it was just a matter of time until Starship Troopers would deploy to the moon. The movie “Aliens” has the most realistic concept of a squaud of Mobile Infantry at work. That’s actually pretty close to what it felt like to be spending the night at LZ X-Ray in the Ia Drang.

That domestic program was called “Affirmative Action” and Carter inherited and his domestic chief, Stuart Eizenstat, really got it working in the manner that Nixon and Moynihan intended, I was working with a bunch of Democrats in an 8(a) consulting firm in 1980, before and after Mt Saint Helen’s blew her top. and I examined the entire portfolio of the Community Services Administration and realized it was a political gold mine for the GOP because it was an economic gold mine for America. As an Eisenhower Republican, I thought it was a typical Democrat boon-doggle when I first took the job, but I was wrong.

When Reagan was elected, I took it to Charles Z. Wick, the head of the transition team. I got his private number from Ray Price, Nixon’s most faithful speech writer. He had been part of the neighborhood in Georgetown and I ended up housesitting when he was in San Clemente nursing Nixon back to life. Everything I know about Affirmative Action begins from long conversations with Ray and his book With Nixon. My pitch to Wick was that what I now call The Points of Light Program would do for the GOP what the New Deal did for Democrats in terms of a permanent majority. I wanted to run the Community Services Administration to that end. It was, after all, a Republican concept.

He liked the idea and asked me about my resume and, in the middle of the recitation, as I was explaining Plan B included doing business with the Soviets in an Armand Hammer kind of way, he blew up like that Brigade commander in An Khe and informed me with considerable passion that I wouldn’t do lunch on K Street the rest of my life because I was a Vietnam “loser” and I had done business with the Soviets.

And, thanks to crypto-Nazi assholes like John Bolton, he made it stick.

Here’s the thing: Reagan inherited everything he needed to establish a permanent moon base by 2001, including the enthusiastic concurrence of Soviet Aerospace, with the Democratic Socialism of the Nixon-Moynihan-Carter “Affirmative Action” process, but the crypto-Nazi assholes you identify with, politically, were determined to conduct class warfare and began to install the Tory Socialism of Reaganomics.

The thing that is making Elon Musk crazy is that he intuits that the economic critical path of America has always been into space but the crypto-Nazi assholes who were pulling you around by your dick have done nothing but obstruct, sabotage, cripple and otherwise deconstruct America’s capacity to put a permanent colony on the moon.

So, I’m a little bitter about that, but lifer assholes like you are a sure bet to provide me an opportunity to work it out for my several readers to enjoy.

Ltc Frank “Be All You Can Be” Burns and I are the only process theology gurus in the world and he’s dead. You use process theology for surgery: you just don’t use it to think critically about the current prolitical reality.

Putin has got one thing right: America ain’t the super power it was before Trump became POTUS. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing: since the Soviet Union closed shop, America has been the most dangerous nation in the world. The reason why the United Nations General Assembly laughed at him is because Putin is right.

And the reason why Nikki Haley is leaving is because the United Nations isn’t going to make the same mistake with Trump that the League of Nations made with Hitler. They are going to treat Trump like we treated Ghadaffi when he was blowing up Pan Am 747s until adult leadership is restored in the Oval Office in 2021.

And the people and most of you Army/Navy lifers vote for are the reason why.

By the way, you aren’t a orthopedic surgeon, are you? I have a joke about a guy who needed a brain and chose the brain of an orthopedic surgeon because it had never been used.

The punch line is, it still is brand new and in the Oval Office.

[howtolegalbasic]

A legal holiday gift guide (2017 edition)

this holiday season, the best gift you can give to the lawyer in your life is to not ask them for legal advice.

is a lawyer coming to your holiday gathering? please, restrain yourself from pulling them aside to ask about your inheritance/your SO’s inheritance/tax evasion avoidance/the annoying thing someone else did and how you can sue them and win big cash/a crime you are--let's be real--not going to commit

but how do i not ask for legal advice?? you may be wondering. how can i stop myself from consulting a lawyer on my burning legal problems during a festive occasion??

fear not, citizen!!! here’s a tasty sampler of handy tips you can easily follow:

- don’t start any sentence with any variation of “kasi, attorney, eto yung nangyari” or “may problema kasi ako, attorney” - don’t tell a long anecdote thinly-disguised as a bar problem (5%) and expect the lawyer to solve it with a chunk of lechon/fruit salad/christmas ham/black forest cake/rice in their mouth - don’t shove a bunch of papers in the lawyer’s hands so they can have some “light reading” of your family’s convoluted sales transactions while they wait for their turn at the videoke

but!! you object. i ask my doctor-friends during parties about my various bodily functions and they don’t seem to mind.

first of all, you shouldn’t be doing this to your doctor-friends, either. second of all, you shouldn’t be doing this to your doctor-friends, either. third of all, one of these days your doctor-friend will compare the pus from your pimple to the maja blanca, and you will never eat maja blanca again.

BUT!! you insist with great force. I NEED LEGAL ADVICE AND SOMEHOW I CAN ONLY GET IT FROM A LAWYER-ACQUAINTANCE DURING A PARTY WHILE EVERYONE IS ENJOYING NOT HAVING TO GO TO WORK EVEN FOR ONE NIGHT!!!

in which case, sign a retainer agreement with a lawyer who’ll put up with your 24/7 365 days a year pestering in exchange for billable hours, AND DON’T ASK FOR LEGAL ADVICE DURING A PARTY (OR ANY OTHER SOCIAL OCCASIONS, E.G., WEDDINGS, BAPTISMS, FUNERALS, REUNIONS, HOMECOMINGS, HOUSEWARMINGS, FESTIVALS, SPORTING EVENTS, BLOCK SCREENINGS, CANDLE-LIGHTINGS, TREE-PLANTINGS, MASS PROTESTS, CONCERTS, VIGILS, BRUNCHES, PRAYER RALLIES, TOURNAMENTS, PUB CRAWLS, QUIZ NIGHTS, TEAM-BUILDING SEMINARS, SHINDIGS, HOEDOWNS, CAROUSING, ETC ETC)

the second-best holiday gift you can give the lawyer in your life is also to not message them on social media about your legal problems for the rest of both of your days.

other things which may or may not be good gifts for lawyers you know:

1. a fountain pen in my experience, fountain pen nerds are very particular about their pens, their inks, etc etc. give up trying to surprise them, and just ask them flat-out what pen or ink or etc etc they want.

this also goes for highlighters, for the law students in your life. law students can be unreasonable over highlighters, don't get them started. however if you somehow know what exactly highlighter the lawyer in your life likes, buy them a box of it. maybe two boxes, if you think it'll earn you one (1) voucher for one (1) free legal advice, like sm advantage points but for dicks.

2. a book don’t buy legal books. most legal books in the local market are textbooks. would you buy an engineer a random engineering textbook? no, you wouldn’t (least of all because engineering textbooks are extortionately expensive). unless, of course, the lawyer puts the title of the legal book in their wishlist, perhaps because they’re too lazy or busy to go to rex/central/up law center.

a fun book to give a lawyer is strunk and white’s elements of style. this book can form part of their desk reference bookshelf and will never be read!!!

3. a usb stick somehow nearly all lawyers i know don’t have a usb device at hand when they need one.

lawyers: do not accept usb sticks that are not in their original tamper-proof packaging. definitely do not stick an unknown usb device into your work computer!!!

4. the appropriate power cable for their mobile device somehow nearly all lawyers i know don’t have a micro usb/usb-c/lightning cable at hand when they need one.

5. something the lawyer really likes which is not at all related to law

6. anything because it’s the thought that counts, am i right???? except for novelty lawyer items like humorous t-shirts or keychains or random jingle-jangle THROW YOURSELF AND YOUR """"HUMOUROUS"""" GIFT INTO A BIN

7. don’t give lawyers in government service anything that they (a) may need to declare in their SALN; and (b) violates presidential decree no. 46 or republic act no. 6713. this is not a gift which may or may not be good to give a lawyer, but it is a handy protip you may wish to know.

HAPPY GIFT-GIVING (2017)!!!