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seasonofthewicth · 4 years ago

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A Groovy Kind of Love - Chapter 7

AN: ty for being so patient with me but here we go! kinda mild swearing if anyone likes to be warned of that.

masterlist - ao3

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Rowan quickly shut the door behind himself. His heart was racing, a pounding through his chest spreading down to his fingertips where he had braced them against the wooden panel of his bedroom door. He ran his other hand down his face, letting out a strangled groan.

He hadn’t meant to go so far. Hadn’t meant to go anywhere at all really, but he hadn’t been able to pull himself back from the intense look in Aelin’s eyes. Hadn’t been able to draw himself away from the stunned expression on her face, her eyes wide, and her blush, pink lips slightly parted as she gasped at his proximity. He hadn’t been able to pull himself back once he had caught the hint of her perfume, the intoxicating jasmine and lemon verbena scent, so enticing he had wanted to bury himself in her neck and never pull back.

He groaned again. The moment her head had tipped down, pinning him into place in the crook of her neck, had been divine and had sent a jolt of electricity through his body. Her skin had been soft and warm where he had brushed the lightest of kisses down the line of her throat.

He pressed a balled up fist to his forehead as he sent a silent prayer up to the gods.

He pushed himself back from the door, trying to gain some sense of control over his breathing but he couldn’t rid himself of the feeling of Aelin pressed up against him, the brush of her chest against his own, the tickle of her hair against his neck.

He clawed at the tangled strands of thought inside his head, desperately trying to find a semblance of a rational way to look at what he had just done. This was Aelin, his roommate, his friend and Aedion’s cousin. Fuck, Aedion would kill him if he found out.

Aedion played the protective older brother role well when it came to Aelin, and that had extended towards his own friends at times, shooting them harsh looks if they appeared to look at Aelin for longer than necessary or taking the empty seat next to her at the bar before they could get there.

Despite his overprotective nature Rowan knew that if Aedion found out he wanted to pursue something serious with Aelin he would be wary, but ultimately supportive despite the oath they had all sworn. He knew it was mostly in good spirits, with only a sprinkling of genuine threat.

Rowan wasn’t quite sure what he wanted. He knew Aelin well by now, sharing such close quarters would lead to a level of familiarity with anyone, but to take it further? To be able to touch Aelin as he had done, to touch her more than he had, to go further than a light caress of lips against skin.

He knew she owed him nothing, he hadn’t made even a whisper of his thoughts on the topic known to her, hadn’t let any of his fondness shine through their familiar bantering beyond casual friendship. He had messed this up. Aelin probably hadn’t even wanted him to flirt with her, she had been talking with Fenrys about her flirty new co-worker and Fenrys had been encouraging her to go for it. Gods, what had he been thinking?

The thought of Dorian Havilliard flirting with Aelin had got the better of him. The thought that Dorian could flirt with Aelin had clanged through him, hitting every rib as it passed through. Dorian wasn’t her roommate and had nothing holding him back. The thought had struck Rowan with a feeling of longing so strong he hadn’t been able to hold himself back from crowding her against the bench. Making sure her thoughts were of him and not Dorian.

He wasn’t even sure that it was Dorian, he liked the guy, had met him once or twice through Fenrys and while they hadn’t spoken more than a couple of sentences about a sports game that neither of them had been invested in he knew the man was charming.

He needed to see Aelin and apologise to her, explain that he had had a brief lapse in judgement, and that he was very sorry and wanted to move on. She deserved better than him anyway, he knew that. She deserved more than a law school drop-out who worked full time as a bartender, living in a shitty loft with four roommates even though they were all nearing thirty. He didn’t have great ambitions in life, he liked to take it easy and enjoy it one step at a time, he wasn’t a deputy principal with his life all pulled together. Not like Dorian.

He sighed, turning to his bed. His breathing had almost returned to normal in the minutes he had waited, and his body seemed to have calmed itself with the distance now between himself and Aelin. He placed his now-empty beer bottle on the chest of drawers next to his bed and threw himself face first onto the covers. His hips twitched slightly, and he cursed himself again, cursing the visions of fantasies of Aelin in this bed with him.

He could have brushed his lips higher, teasing her behind her ear before coming around to pin her lips beneath his own. He could have lifted his hands from the counter to grasp her hips, pulling her into his body while he pressed her into the counter

This wasn’t him. He let out a growl of frustration as he flipped over, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. He would make this right.

------

Aelin hesitated outside Rowan’s bedroom door before raising a hand to the barrier. She took a deep breath in, preparing herself before knocking gently three times.

She needed to see Rowan after the events that had happened in the kitchen the night before. She had spent all night tossing and turning in her bed, debating over and over what his actions could have meant. He hadn’t made any advances towards her in the past, their relationship had been relatively laid back, roommates who got along well, but even so she knew she had developed a soft spot for him.

She could never fight the soft smile she knew she wore when he was speaking animatedly about something. Whether it was slamming Lorcan’s favourite football team or having economic debates with Aedion she couldn’t help but be absorbed by the passion he would display. Her attention would always be drawn to his broad shoulders and muscular arms as he would gesture while he articulated his point. She fought the places her mind would go at the sight of his large hands and elegant fingers.

She also couldn’t deny the mounting evidence that he had somewhat of a soft spot for her. Rowan wasn’t open about his feelings, but his usually reserved demeanour definitely lightened when they were together. She also couldn’t forget his tenderness towards her, not only putting her to bed drunk but also tucking her toes under a throw on the couch when she’d complain about being cold. Having a cup of coffee ready for her when he made his own, always with a splash of cream and a cube of sugar, despite him drinking his own black.

Aelin wasn’t quite sure what she was hoping to achieve knocking on Rowan’s door, he might not be awake, or even in, but she had laid awake all night unable to lose the sensation of his lips on her neck. She swore the small spot still burned from his feather-light touch.

“Come in.” His voice startled her, pulling her out of the spiral she had entered, and she took a deep breath before pushing the door open.

Rowan was sprawled across his bed, laptop discarded half open next to him on his grey covers, a broad arm braced behind his head where he lay against his mound of pillows. At the sight of her he pushed himself up until he was sitting on the side of his bed, legs thrown over the side as he turned towards her.

“Hey,” His voice was soft as he smiled slightly at her.

“Hey.” Her own voice was just as soft as she shut the door behind herself.

“What’s up?”

“Not much.” She crossed the floor to take a seat next to him on the bed. Crossing her legs she rested her weight on an arm braced behind herself as she turned towards him. “I was just wondering what you were up to.”

He let out a slight gust of a laugh, turning up the corners of his mouth in a small smirk as he met her eyes. His piercing green eyes shining in the soft morning lighting as he looked up at her through his eyelashes.

“Not much.” He parroted back and the teasing lilt to his voice told her he knew exactly why she was in his bedroom. “Is there a reason you’ve barged into my room so early in the morning? On a weekend to boot.”

She refrained from sticking her tongue out at him like a child.

“I’m just scraping the barrel really, having to spend time with you.”

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head at her sad attempt at a joke. She was normally so much better at this. Rowan shifted his weight until he was mirroring her position, resting back on his arms with his long legs stretched out in front of him, ankles crossed.

“Really, none of the others are around? Not a single one?”

“Nope, Fenrys is probably still asleep, Lorcan’s working and Aedion is out.” She curled her tongue around her next words. “He’s stayed out. With a lady friend.”

“Really?” Rowan’s intrigue was clear, eyebrows shooting up on his forehead. “Not like him, normally he just brings them back here and leaves it to me to kick them out.”

Aelin laughed. “I know, and I think it might be the same girl as last time.”

Rowan’s eyebrows crept up. “Damn, he must actually like this girl, or she’s rutting good in bed.”

She felt her face twist in disgust at the mention of Aedion taking part in any bedroom activities.

“Let’s all hope it’s the former, okay.” She rested her hand on his upper arm as she nodded enthusiastically at him.

“Right.” He drew his gaze away from her, staring at the spot where his socked feet fidgeted on the floor.

She looked down, unsure of what to say next. She traced the lines on his sheets with a fingernail, noting the chipped hot pink nail polish she needed to take off.

“Look, Aelin—”

“So—”

They began at the same time. She shook her head, gesturing for him to go first.

Rowan cleared his throat.

“Look Aelin, about last night.” He took a breath in before meeting her gaze. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. That really wasn’t what I wanted to do.”

She slid the hand still resting on his arm up to his shoulder.

“You don’t have to apologise Ro,” Her eyes shot down to her lap quickly before she rallied herself to meet his gaze. “It’s not—I’d really rather you didn’t. It’s okay.”

“Well, I’m sorry anyway.”

“It’s really okay, honestly.” She smiled at him, feeling like a schoolgirl speaking to her playground crush, not knowing how to speak to a boy without turning a hundred shades of red. She normally kept her cool, knew how to flutter her eyelashes and smile up at a guy, leaning into him and talking herself up confidently.

Rowan bypassed all that, made her forget every line she’d ever used on a guy, made her forget to brush her hair back across her shoulder before looking up at him and smiling prettily. So quickly he had her wrapped around his finger and he didn’t even know.

But maybe, after last night, maybe he did know. The way he had got into her space had shown her a confident side to him she hadn’t seen before, a side to him that was smooth and charming and sexy. She brushed her thumb gently against the side of his neck, leaning her weight towards him, the mattress sinking sending her even closer to his warmth than she intended.

A muscle in his jaw worked at the motion and he took a sharp breath in.

“Aelin,” His voice was guttural as his hand came up to wrap around her wrist. “Don’t.”

She recoiled as if his words were a slap. Jerking her hand off his shoulder and into her chest as if the fingers he had curled around her wrist had burned her.

“You don’t have to worry about that, I won’t let it happen again. We can just forget it ever happened.”

Forget it ever happened.

Aelin jerked to her feet, her hands fluttering about her sides as she stood. Rowan followed the motion, his eyes not leaving her face, and she fought the blush she knew was rising.

Forget it ever happened.

She had put herself forward and Rowan had rejected her. Obviously. He regretted it; had probably spent the hours she had spent writhing in bed thinking about him wondering how to let her down gently.

Gods, she needed to leave. Get out of here and away from Rowan long enough to compose herself.

“Yeah,” She heard herself say weakly. “Of course. Already forgotten.”

She was abstractly aware of the relief flooding Rowan’s features, his expression released from his frown. She crossed the room to his door, trying to purposefully slow her steps to not look as if she was running away.

She had messed things up, misread Rowan completely, and now she needed to leave.

Fuck.

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“Oh good, you’re here.”

Manon Blackbeak’s tone was bored and dripping with sarcasm as she answered her and Lysandra’s front door. Impeccably styled as always her platinum hair was scraped back into a sleek ponytail, her clothes were relaxed but hung perfectly from her slim figure. Aelin knew she herself looked a mess in comparison, hadn’t managed to change from her baggy sweats and an old t-shirt from her high school sports days before leaving the loft.

“Yes.” Aelin narrowed her eyes when Manon made no move to let her in. “Is Lysandra here?”

Manon only shrugged. Fine then. Aelin took a step forward, crowding herself into Manon’s space until she backed up enough for Aelin to slip in beside her.

“Lys?” She called. “You here?”

A thud sounded from down the short hall before Lysandra appeared, midway through tugging on an oversized sweater.

“I’m here,” Lysandra froze as she took in Aelin’s expression. “Everything okay?”

Her friend’s voice was full of concern.

“Yeah, I just need to talk to you.” She said with a pointed look towards Manon, who remained standing by the front door.

For someone who seemed unable to stand Aelin she wasn’t in any rush to leave. After a beat the model shrugged before slinking off into her room and slamming the door.

Lysandra winced at the sound before turning to her, an open expression on her beautiful face.

“I fucked up,” Aelin told her. “With Rowan.”

“Ah, shit.”

Lysandra grasped her hand to lead her into the small living room. The yellow couch she had spent weeks sleeping on before she moved into the loft remained, taking up most of the space in the small room. She flopped down onto it as Lysandra took the spot next to her, tucking her legs in beneath herself as she leaned towards Aelin.

“What happened?”

What had happened? Looking back now it didn’t seem like much of a big deal. Rowan had very briefly flirted with her and then told her not to worry about it. He couldn’t help the miles her brain had ran with the idea, dreaming up imaginary scenarios she should have known were impossible. Impossible because Rowan didn’t like her in that way, he had just been teasing her in response to Dorian. Nothing more.

Her face must have told half of the story because Lysandra reached out to gently squeeze her hand.

“It’s going to sound stupid.”

“Never.”

She really loved her best friend, Lysandra’s statement was absolutely sincere.

“Last night, me and Rowan, got slightly… flirty. And then I spent all night thinking about him.” Lysandra winced. “I’m not done.”

“Ah.”

“And then this morning I went to see him and got hard-core rejected. That’s pretty much it.” She let out a weak laugh.

Lysandra pressed her lips together, taking a moment before saying, “I need details on the flirting, and the hard-core rejection.”

She pursed her lips.

“The flirting was hot.” Aelin laughed as she buried her face in her hands, blushing again at the memory of Rowan’s body pressed against her own, and the whisper of his lips against her neck. She couldn’t get over that image. “Like, all up in my space, had me feeling some things. He definitely kissed my neck at one point.”

Lysandra’s eyes went wide.

“He kissed you?”

“No,” She moaned. “Well, maybe, but not properly.”

Lysandra only raised one, perfectly shaped eyebrow.

“And then he rejected me. And now I’m freaking out about it. It’s Rowan.”

“I really can’t picture Rowan being flirty.”

“This is serious!”

“I’m being serious!” Lysandra cried, feigning offense. “How did it even start?”

“We were talking about Dorian flirting with me—”

“Dorian?” Lysandra stopped her.

“My co-worker.” She hadn’t had much chance to fill Lysandra in on all the details of her new school. She definitely hadn’t been avoiding telling Lysandra all the details about this one co-worker in particular.

Lysandra was straight to the point, “Is he hot?”

Dorian was hot. In a polished kind of way. The combination of his curly, dark hair and piercing blue eyes was somewhat princely. His tanned skin and blinding smile were a combination that many men and women, Fenrys included, would lap up.

Her silence spoke enough for Lysandra.

“He is! And then it went from there? Rowan flirted with you after hearing about this Dorian guy doing the same?” Aelin nodded. “He was totally jealous.”

Rowan jealous of Dorian? That changed things.

“But he rejected me?”

The look Lysandra gave her was sharp.

“Again, it’s Rowan.” Lysandra said, as if that simple fact would make all of Aelin’s confusion disappear. Aelin frowned at her. “We couldn’t possibly begin to understand the workings of the male brain.”

Aelin barked out a laugh as Lysandra brought a hand up to rest against her chin, tapping a finger against her lips before speaking.

“Okay, right. Real talk. Were you into it? Rowan flirting with you?”

Aelin bit her lip before nodding.

“But he turned you down?”

“He told me we could pretend it never happened.”

Lysandra hummed in response.

“And this Dorian, was he flirting with you?”

“I guess,” She said mildly.

“You know what you need to do right?” Lysandra held her arm out, palm raised as if the answer to her question was clear. “You need to text this Dorian guy. Forget about Rowan, that’s a bad idea anyway.”

Lysandra was at least partially right. She needed to remember that Rowan was her roommate, and if anything went wrong, she may be Aedion’s cousin, but Rowan was his best friend. And he was closer to Lorcan and Fenrys than she was, despite the lengths she thought she had improved her relationship with them in the short time she had lived in the loft.

“Lys, I don’t know.”

“Do you have his number?” Lysandra was taking no prisoners, now excited at the prospect of Aelin speaking to someone new.

Aelin hesitated but confirmed Lysandra’s question. They had all exchanged numbers in the staff room on her first day. She had Chaol, Yrene and Nehemia’s numbers too, not just Dorian’s.

Lysandra held her hand out, waggling her fingers in a gesture that said hand it over. Aelin reluctantly handed over the silver iPhone, bracing herself for the spectacle that was Lysandra’s flirting technique.

Her friend tapped away on the screen, having known Aelin’s password since they were teens. Eventually she held the screen up to Aelin for approval.

Her text was friendly, casual enough that if he responded negatively it wouldn’t be awkward, but open enough that her intentions could be clear. Aelin hesitated.

“What do you have to lose?” Aelin snapped her eyes up to her best friend’s. Lysandra had a stellar track record with her previous romantic relationships, she had called Arobynn an asshole from day one. Aelin just hadn’t listened.

Aelin grabbed the phone from her friend’s hand, pressing the send button and quickly locking her phone again.

She bit her lip as Lysandra squealed, giving her a light shake on the shoulder and Aelin allowed herself a smile. If Rowan wanted to pretend it had never happened she would too.

------

She and Dorian had agreed to meet at a bar. It wasn’t fancy, she was in jeans and flats, but it definitely could be a first date location. She slid her fingertips up and down through the condensation that had built up on the outside of her wine glass as she waited for Dorian to arrive.

She was ready for this, Dorian seemed like a great guy and she was attracted to him. Maybe not in the same way as Rowan, his carefully composed look was a complete contrast to Rowan’s cosy and relaxed vibe.

“Aelin, hey.” She turned at the sound of Dorian’s voice behind her.

“Hi,” She smiled as he pulled her into a brief side hug before sliding into the booth opposite her. He smelled good she noted as he signalled to the bartender for his drink, a hint of citrus and something else she couldn’t place.

He was dressed about as casually as she was, a crisp white polo shirt topped with a navy blue jacked that brought out the colour of his eyes. He looked good.

“I’m glad you texted me,” He told her. “I was planning on asking if you wanted to hang out.”

She smiled; this was a good idea. Dorian’s beer arrived and she toasted to him with her glass, watching him over the rim as she took a sip. He was watching her right back, a slight crinkle around his eyes as he smiled into his drink.

Dorian was easy to get along with, he kept the conversation flowing easily asking her about herself with questions about her job and her hobbies. They both loved reality TV, despite Dorian’s protests that it was a guilty pleasure. She had laughed and assured him there was nothing to feel guilty about.

They both loved teaching too and she had been thrilled to find that Dorian was just as passionate about it as her, if not more so. She had rested her chin on her fist, watching him with rapt attention as he spoke, enthusiastically, about how much he loved his students and how much he wanted to help them succeed.

He had bought the following rounds of drinks, respectfully declining her offers to pay for her own or even his. He had smiled at her, a smile that crept up the left side of his cheek more than his right, crooked in a way that she almost blushed.

She didn’t think much about Rowan throughout the night, her mind focussed on the man opposite her. Focussed on the way he would send her short glances when she tucked her hair behind her ear. The way his toes would accidentally nudge her own below the table.

While her text had been open ended, she knew the way it had been taken. It was definitely a date, and one she was enjoying.

When it came to the end of the night, the time limit imposed on them by the closing of the bar, Dorian laid a gentle hand on her lower back as she led the way out. Aelin paused on the street by the exit as she turned to him. His angular cheekbones highlighted in the shadows from the late night street lighting.

Aelin wasn’t sure how she wanted to play it, she had enjoyed the date and Dorian’s company spectacularly. She bit her lip, wanting Dorian to play his hand first, lest she be in for the second rejection of the day. She wasn’t sure whether he’d want to kiss her, or whether he wanted to take it slowly.

He seemed to pause in the same manner she did. Pursing his lips as he glanced between her face and the rest of the street. His hand was still resting on her lower back, the warmth fighting the chill in the air to spread through her entire body.

“I had a great time tonight,” He began, and she nodded her agreement. He took a short breath, considering his next words carefully. “Do you want to get out of here?”

He rubbed the back of his neck slightly, almost bashful in a stark contrast to how self-assured he had seemed so far.

Her heart seemed to skip a beat; this was the line in the sand. She knew what Lysandra would be screaming in her ear if she was here, do it, forget about Rowan. Forget about him the way he wanted to forget about her, and to move past it to just being friends.

Aelin took a step closer towards Dorian, looking up at him through her lashes as she scraped her teeth across her bottom lip. Dorian’s eyes tracked the motion.

“I’d love to.”

And she pressed her lips to his.

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tags:

@jesstargaryenqueen

@maybekindasortaace

@slytheringalathynius

@http-itsrebecca

@morganofthewildfire

@in-love-with-caramel-macchiato

@fictional-horan

@tottenhamboys20

@dressedindustandshadows

@sleeping-and-books

@perseusannabeth

@ireallyshouldsleeprn

@superspiritfestival

@aelinfeyreeleven945tbln

@spyofthenightcourt

@jlinez

@queen-of-glass

@booknerdproblems

@sjmships

@elriel4life

@bamchickawowow

idk why but tag lists confuse me so much so if I’ve missed anyone please let me know

#rowaelin #throne of glass #rowan whitethorn #aelin ashryver galathynius #rowaelin fic #rowaelin fanfic #throne of glass fic #dorian havilliard #lysandra #aedion x lysandra #lysaedion #have i forgotten how to tag yessir #dialogue is so hard btw and there were so many conversations in this chapter so i hope i did ok #rowaelin au #manon blackbeak #fenrys moonbeam #lorcan salvaterre #rowan x aelin

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meimae · 4 years ago

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Look at me, not being on time for my April Immersion Overview as is the usual. (・w・;

First, little blog updates to get out of the way:

I reached 100 followers! Got an influx of people checking out my 1 year update post, and got plenty of nice compliments on my data collection.

For those of you wondering just why I keep up with so much data, it's mostly because it can get really hard to notice how much you're improving in a language especially with something like immersion learning that for people who don't get it feels like a waste of time or a time sink.

Graphs showing consistency, improvement in reading speed, increasing vocabulary counts, and generally just seeing numbers grow turns language learning more fun and motivating for me, and if as a bonus, it encourages someone to try immersion learning then that would be cool!

With that said, whether you're here as a fellow language learner, graphs enthusiast (笑), or just want some Japanese media recommendations, ようこそ!

Also, made a tiny DP change - it’s チト from 少女週末旅行. Pretty sure it’s the first manga series I ever finished in Japanese (not the first one I started since ちはやふる is still ongoing), and I always felt a bit of a ☆connection☆ with her - between her book-loving personality and being a no-nonsense kind of person, there was no way for me not to enjoy her character. Great beginner anime/manga if you’re not into most beginner recommendations.

-☆-

April has been a pretty good immersion month, as I was able to dip my toes in a variety of media. A bit competitive, too! The club I joined has been pulling all the stops to get to the Top 20 Immersion Leaderboard in it’s first month. I was able to snag the 9th spot among a bunch of people of different comprehension levels (the majority being N1+ since they’re able to comprehend much more and in turn stand longer immersion hours). Lots of tiny complaints though of potential “whitenoising” content (”listening” and “reading” but not comprehending very well just to get a large number to post), but really what can you do? People lie all the time on the internet. Besides, it’s internet points that doesn’t do anything beyond being a little shiny I guess.

Enough about that, let’s get into the nitty-gritty details you came here for!

ANIME

フルーツバスケット

Might need to rewatch this one. Felt like I didn’t connect with the characters the way the rest of its fandom has. I’m kinda sad about it, since I normally love Slice of Life and Fantasy, and I know this is one of my friend’s diehard shows.

ラブライブ! School Idol Project S2

A filler anime to watch tbh. Nice and easy enough to follow for beginners. Pretty good songs. With regards to it being a show about music and moe, I still 100% prefer K-On! if I’m going to be honest, but for a show about non-toxic idols, it’s good!

魔法少女まどか☆マギカ

First read this as English translated manga when I was 13 or something. Mistakes were made. Let’s all just agree to throw キュウベえ into a pit of fire and never talk about it again. Great ending and a show that really reworked the magical girl genre. But seriously, I was traumatized by マミ’s death then and now, help.

四月は君の嘘

Already knew what was going to happen even before watching this so I didn’t ugly cry like I was expecting. Still got that awful sinking feeling though. 10/10 would recommend for a good cry. Also, I’m planning to read the manga, might enjoy that more, because I’ve always liked it more than anime actually. *shocked pikachu face*

ホリミヤ

Watched before I even finished the manga which felt like a mistake at first until I realized that it perfectly stops where I stopped reading. Nice and comfy anime, the kind I would have loved as a teen. Fun animation too, making parts very dramatic even though it wasn’t really that deep of an issue even in the manga. Just teens feeling feelings. Still salty that we lose bad boy styled 宮村, but I get why it had to happen.

AUDIOBOOKS

氷菓

Second re-listen. I understand it fine, but it’s very easy to drift off when you can’t catch all the words so I had to replay often. Will have to mine more from the anime/book.

君の名は

I mined from the anime, and was really pleased to be able to follow all 6 hours of this audiobook perfectly fine. Will need to read the book, because I realized just how seamless reading it would be after listening to it with hardly any issue.

BOOKS

キッチェン

Completed! Read my thoughts about it and see my stats on this post.

君の膵臓を食べたい

Still trudging on with this one. It’s not a bad story, it’s pretty well written actually, I just made the mistake of watching both the anime and live adaptation first, so I know exactly what’s going to happen and it’s killing my motivation to keep reading. I guess reading the book first before watching the movie still applies in any language with me. Really need to 頑張れ and finish so I can move on.

三日間の幸福

Started reading towards the end of the month, mostly because I realized that every chapter is only 5000-15000 characters long, and I was able to read up to 40k in a day with Island most days. Only two chapters read so far though because I got distracted by manga, but it’s shaping up to be a really good plot and potentially a really sad one, too, so I’m interested.

DRAMA

花ざかりの君たちへイケメンパラダイス

Heard this was a classic so I gave it a try. Loved 生田斗真’s character in this one the most especially all his internal dialogue acted out. Also, 小栗旬 in anything is bound to be a good watch. Simple and fun watch. They dragged the ending so much though lmao

ごくせん

Look, I see 松本潤, I click. Definitely the kind of show you should watch for some great life advice. Planning to watch the 2nd and 3rd seasons even if there is a terrible lack of 松本潤, because I love my strong female protagonists, and man, ヤンクミ is such a great character. Need to read the manga, too, if I can find it.

極主夫道

Oof, this was kind of hard. The yakuza talk was throwing me off, but the rest of it was enjoyable. Not really plot heavy as I thought it was going to be. The comedy side of it was fun and predictable after the first few episodes. Overall, pretty good slice of life, family story with a twist.

MANGA

Read a bunch of manga this month, mostly because I am struggling to find the next vn to read.

おやすみプンプン

Read a couple of volumes (6-7). This manga is so good, but it’s so depressing I need to stop to take a breather every once in a while. Please don’t leave any spoilers. The club has been reacting to me reading this, and it has mostly been a lot of crying emotes. It’s both been enjoyable to see and really worrying. 笑

チェンソーマン

Club recommendation. Only read the 1st volume so far. I really need to get into more 少年 anime/manga. That’s currently my 苦手 genre which is awful because literally all the top anime/manga is 少年 help. I just can’t enjoy it much still even though it’s comprehensible to me.

ちはやふる中学生編

Read Vol. 1, chill read to me at this point after reading 45 volumes of the regular manga. Look, it’s my favorite 幼馴染 manga in baby format, of course I’m going to read this! 太一 has been a flake way before season 3 confirmed. Don’t come at me たいちはや stans bc I also like his character.

約束のネバーランド

Volume 7. I’m taking my sweet time with this one, because I heard the anime for season 2 sucked, so I’m avoiding it like the plague. This is 少年 how am I enjoying this and not everything else what.

ヲタクに恋は難しい

Enjoyed the anime hated the movie why did they make it a musical that sucked (ps i normally love musicals hated this one)

The オタク jargon is kinda hard to read suprisingly but I do enjoy this ship very much. It’s a lighthearted take to otaku culture which is great because seriously it’s scary out there.

ツバサ -RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE-

It’s my childhood ship, obviously I will read this again (read in English several years ago). Still as plot twisty as I remember it being (now at a bonus hard level reading it in Japanese 笑). Really enjoyed reading this one (I finished it this May).

-☆-

I’m starting to really dislike furigana in manga. It was a great help as a beginner, but now it’s like training wheels that you can’t take off. I feel like the gains I’m getting from manga is much lower than it was when I first started which makes me both proud of how far I’ve come, but also sad because I love manga. Sad that I might have to start choose VNs over it, because it’s not going to challenge me as much going forward. I mean it didn’t stop me from reading a lot of it this month, but you get the picture.

VISUAL NOVELS

ISLAND

Completed! See my stats and read my long spoiler filled post here.

ファタモルガーナの館

Picked up this VN and finished two doors (15 hours) before stopping. On the fence about it, because it has been kind of predictable so far, and I don’t particularly enjoy the horror genre. That said, this is more psychological than anything, so it’s probably not that that’s putting me off. The language is not exactly difficult, too - maybe some oddly specific words because it is after all historical fiction (which is one of my favorite genres, btw), and 敬語 is definitely interesting to read for once after encountering so many お嬢様 characters in anime/drama so far.

I think maybe it’s the conversations that are kind of dull - dots (silence) every few clicks that keeps breaking the flow of reading. Probably judging it really harshly too early, because it’s rated so high everywhere, and I just have high expectations. Definitely not dropping it yet though, just taking a break and testing a couple of other VNs before I settle with whatever I end up choosing. It is, after all, going to be another 50+ hour read, and I just don’t want to not enjoy the process, because having fun with the process is a huge part of immersion learning.

Let me know if you’ve read Fata and if I should continue!

-☆-

That’s it for this month!

If you have any suggestions on what to watch and read next, please send me a reply, especially for VNs because I’m struggling over here.

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makeste · 5 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 264: You Either Die a Hero...

Previously on BnHA: The kids of 1-A sat around waiting for something exciting to happen, and then it did happen, and they were all “!!” Over on the front lines, the heroes charged the Ol’ Villain Hotel with poor Kaminari crying the entire time, but we’ll excuse him since he is only in the second grade. Tokoyami gave him some gentle encouragement by reminding him of how hard he can slappa da bass, while Midnight told him to think of his one true love in order to find his inner courage, so he immediately thought of Jirou and everyone was like WHOA DID THEY REALLY JUST, and yeah, they kind of did? Anyway so Cementoss ripped the building open and Kaminari got all Thor on us and started battling this other electric guy, and then we cut to Hawks and Twice, who were having a friendly conversation similar to the friendly conversation Hawks had with Best Jeanist on the very same day that Jeanist abruptly went missing and was never heard from again! Hey, wait a second. You guys don’t suppose...??

Today on BnHA: Re-Destro gathers in the basement with all his followers and they’re all like “Re-Destro!!” and he’s all “what??” and they’re all “the heroes are attacking!!” and he’s all “:) :) :) the fuck??!” Outside, the heroes continue to wreak havoc, and between Edgeshot, Midnight, Honenuki and Toadette, I’m pretty sure they have actually killed some of these guys. But that’s silly though because heroes would never actually kill someone. Speaking of heroes not killing someone, back in the hotel, Hawks is all “(Ò‸Ó)” and Twice is all “(இ‸இ)” and then Hawks is all “I’m gonna arrest you but I’ll help you get through this and get back on your feet again afterwards because you’re a good person” and Twice is all “WHAT THE FUCK NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN” and does the whole Sad Man Parade thing. And Hawks is all “I don’t want to fight you!” and Twice is all “TOO BAD” and meanwhile Dabi is running up the stairs all “time to start some shit” and then the chapter ends. So while I’m relieved on behalf of Hawks’s soul, I can’t help but be a little concerned on behalf of his, uh, life. Shit.

okay, so! I finally have time to read this damn thing. but before I start, a couple of holdover thoughts from the prior chapter!

firstly, I want to go on the record now and say that I’ve decided once again that Hawks, in spite of all appearances, is not a murderer. you hear that Hawks. I’m putting my neck on the line for you. gonna look like a real stooge if you go and murder Twice before going on to fight Dabi to the death while we cut to Noumu!Jeanist taunting Bakugou

but in all seriousness, I just can’t reconcile it with what we know of Hawks’s character. his behavior during the fight against Hood almost got him exposed because he couldn’t bear to let anyone get hurt or to let Endeavor get killed. I know the HPSC got their claws in him at a young age, but in spite of that I don’t think he’s harboring a dark side. to me he always just comes off as tired and struggling to do the right thing even though he never asked to be put into this kind of position. he’s smart enough to understand the whole “needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few” thing, but he’s also young enough to still hold to a certain idealism, and juuust cocky enough to have faith in his own cleverness and convince himself that he can somehow achieve this mission without sacrificing anyone else’s life

so in short, I don’t buy the dark!Hawks theories. I just can’t. but I guess we’re about to see! and my guess is that Horikoshi will probably have Dabi interrupt before Hawks can reveal his hand either way, because Horikoshi is just like that. what a troll

(ETA: I forgot that sometimes Horikoshi also likes to troll by giving you exactly what you want but in the most painful way possible. shit.)

now, moving on, the other thing I wanted to quickly address is Viz’s translation of this very important line from last week! so as a reminder, here is readheroaca’s version

and here is Caleb’s

I’m actually really glad I’ve been reading the fan translations first, because it made me more aware of the potential nuances in this scene. so is KamiJirou actually being confirmed here, or not?? and I spent 20 whole minutes digging into this more the other day because I have no life, so here are my findings!

first, here is the actual Japanese panel

and while I don’t speak Japanese, I can read hiragana well enough that I was able to plug it into a couple of translators to basically figure out what was being said. so here’s the full dialogue:

どこかの誰かじゃ

難しいなら --

今一番大事なものを

心に据えな

so the part in bold there is the line in question -- 大事なもの (daijina mono). “daiji” means “precious” or “important”, but the thing is, “mono” for whatever reason is written in hiragana and not kanji. and the word mono (which can be singular or plural btw) can hilariously mean either of the following depending on the kanji used:

lmao. so basically the bottom line is that from what I can see here, Horikoshi purposely didn’t specify! now I could be completely wrong; maybe this is a common enough expression that Caleb felt comfortable deciding that he meant “person.” or maybe he just guessed based on the context. or maybe he just said “fuck it, you only live once” and just went there because why the heck not

anyway, so that was fun, and for me it reinforced the fact that I really do prefer to have at least two different translations to compare in order to get the most complete picture of what exactly is going on here in this stupid manga that I obsess over week after week! so now let’s finally get to reading this thing

oh my

I have so many thoughts whirling around in my head right now, such as “oh my god look at all these secret entrances/exits the villains apparently had” and “wow the heroes are so thorough” and such, but ngl, right now the biggest one is “why are they all entering so slowly??” seriously though. let’s just gradually meander on in single-file. no rush. meanwhile 800m northwest and 1 km east, Cementoss is literally tearing the building in half and the other heroes are charging full speed all “ARGGHHHHH.” and over in Jakku, Miruko kicked a door open so hard it killed a guy. but we’ve all got our own styles I guess??

at least this one guy 800m north of the hideout is doing some doorbusting. sheesh. be more exciting please

oh hey it’s this place

behold. the great realm and dwarf city of Dwarrowdelf. well there’s an eye-opener and no mistake

LMAO THESE GUYS DON’T KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING YET OMG

oh my god. first of all wtf is that shirt. and second of all oh my fucking god, let me just shut up and read this is amazing

SDKLFJLSJK

LMAO

oh man. Re-Destro is one of the few characters whom I really want to see die. come on Horikoshi. don’t be a fucking coward. he’s had it coming ever since he killed that little mouse. and let’s not forget Giran. JUSTICE FOR GIRAN

oh we’re actually cutting back to this fight!

I wasn’t sure if we would! shounen authors have this habit of showing the start of a really cool battle only to then cut away to a bunch of other stuff and leave us hanging for a dozen chapters, so yeah. of course, that may still happen. I’m just lucky that I’m invested in virtually every single thing that’s going on right now, so it’s a win-win for me no matter where we cut to next

(ETA: lmao there really wasn’t much more to this fight to speak of. but what do you want to bet Horikoshi will try to pull this shit with Dabi and Hawks next week though.)

holy shit

this looks like when I attempt to build a gingerbread house. that’s uncanny

lmao Kami

YOU’RE DOING GREAT BUDDY. KEEP IT UP CHAMP

(ETA: Kaminari’s ridiculous smiling face is the balm we all need in these troubled times. tempted to ask him if he wouldn’t mind heading up to that telenovela happening over in Twice’s room and telling them all to lighten the fuck up.)

Lefty is all “does he have an absorption quirk?” because apparently he’s one of the two people that never watched the U.A. Sports Festival? how does anyone in this day and age manage to come across one of the 1-A kids and not know what their quirks are. and you’re a fucking general or whatever too, aren’t you? god you suck

so now he’s all “I BET YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO HANDLE... A FEW MILLION VOLTS” jesus christ. I bet you he can! but still, that’s awfully murdery of you. and to think, he’s on your side!! Kaminari are you really sure you want these guys as your friends

YOOOOOOO FUCKING KAKASHI ALL UP IN HERE DOING HIS HUMAN YONDU ARROW THING WHAAAAT

straight up prepared to be massively disappointed in Viz when they inevitably translate the “Ninpo” part instead of leaving it alone and letting everyone bask in these sentimental Naruto vibes. and also ngl I prefer for Edge’s lines to be as close to the original as possible so I can better imagine them in my head. stupid sexy Edgeshot

holy shit “I’ve pierced a small hole in each of your lungs” !!? WELL ALL RIGHT THEN, YOU SADISTIC WARRIOR OF THE NIGHT. YOU HEARD HIM BOYS. I’M SORRY, BUT HE’S ALL OUT OF FUCKS TODAY

OH HEY Y’ALL, MIDNIGHT HEARD YOU WERE KICKING ASS AND DECIDED TO JOIN IN, HOPE THAT’S ALL RIGHT

and if it’s not all right, well. tough

can you imagine. you’re just a simple villain, chilling out in your Hilton Garden Inn HQ and minding your own business when all of a sudden the walls come to life and some fucking shinobu busts a small hole in your lungs, and then you just fall asleep. sometimes life comes at you hard

now Kamui Woods is doing his whole Lacquered Chain Prison thing, but we’ve already seen that one so I’m not gonna bother showing it! tough break Kamui!!

OH MY GOD IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS

HALF OF THESE PEOPLE ARE ALREADY UNCONSCIOUS WITH HOLES IN THEIR LUNGS, SO SURE, HONENUKI, LET’S GO AHEAD AND FUCKING DROWN THEM TOO LMAO

LOOOOOOL OH CHRIST

CLASS 1-B WITH NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE!!!

LMAO AND NOW SHE’S STANDING WITH HER ARMS UP OVER HER HEAD ALL SMILING LIKE ERI AT THE FUCKING CONCERT. A COLD GOD IN AN UNCARING UNIVERSE. WHAT THE FUCK

oh shit everybody shut up we’re cutting back to Hawks!!

but you pulled it off because you’re so damn smart. so now let’s stand around and explain your plan to everyone. what the fuck, Hawks

(ETA: and the thing is, now I’m thinking that by “incredibly difficult” he doesn’t mean that it was the cipher part that was difficult lol. that part was child’s play. any simpleton could do that. no, the difficult part was betraying his new friend. anyway so how’s everyone doing? what a fun chapter!!)

hey everyone I still have unwavering faith that this man is not a killer just FYI

what does that say about me I wonder. let’s just completely ignore everything being presented on screen here. also what the heck happened to all this furniture? did he upend the entire room with his crazy feather attack, or is that damage from Cementoss’s shenanigans?

HAHA!! FUCK YEAH

I KNEW YOU WEREN’T A KILLER YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!!

fuck yeah. of course, I realize that by betraying Twice so harshly like this, Hawks has still found himself on lots of people’s shitlists. but I would just like to put out a friendly reminder that Twice, despite being the nicest and most loyal guy you will ever meet, is still a terrorist who was going to kill a lot of people because he’s friends with a guy who wants to destroy the entire world. so basically there’s just no clean way out of this and it’s all very tragic

but anyway if it’s any consolation, I fully expect Dabi to turn up in the very next panel and be all “BLARGH! IT’S ME!” before we commence with the single sexiest battle in this manga to date

lmao Horikoshi. “but before we get to the sexy battle let me just twist that knife up in there real good!” jesus

friendly reminder that despite all appearances, Hawks is still objectively the good guy in this scenario. anyways for real, how are we all doing this afternoon. how many death threats has my bird son gotten today. I’m afraid to check. poor Twice is so trusting and I really hate to see him cry like this, poor baby. but I’m sure it’s also tearing Hawks up inside as well but we’re just not seeing it

and here we have Hawks, about to unleash his Mangekyou Sharingan

“are you sure you don’t think this sinister maniac looming in the shadows with the deranged look in his eyes is a ruthless killer, makeste?? are you really sure?” Horikoshi asks while pouring every last inch of malice he can into a single chilling panel

and yes, you bastard. I am sure. fuck you, how long are you going to make me sit here looking like a complete ass. look, we get it!! either way, Hawks is clearly a compelling actor! but the question is, which one is really the false face? is it the smiling, easygoing Hawks who always seems to have a faint hint of sadness in his eyes? or is it this menacing figure stripped of all mercy? is it really so crazy to go ahead and say that it’s the latter? huh?? [pokes Horikoshi in the chest] huh?????

anyway so Twice seems to slowly be progressing his way from despair to anger, which is probably not good. heh. fuck

maybe I was wrong about Dabi showing up and saving Twice, maybe his arrival will actually save Hawks instead lmao

anyway Hawks is still being all cold and creepy, and he’s all “you have my thanks.” and Twice is still crying, so maybe he’s still more sad than angry. well this is starting to drag out now though so if a certain spicy flame boi wants to make his grand entrance now, he’s welcome to do so anytime

oh shit Hawks is throwing me a bone!!! yessssss

YOU SEE!! THE SAD LOOK. HE DOESN’T WANT TO DO THIS. HE’S A GOOD BOY. oh my god I just realized how tense I was. hahaha what is this chapter

FINALLY OMG

NOOOOO I THOUGHT IT WAS DABI SNEAKING UP BEHIND HIM. OH MY GOD I CAN’T. WAS THIS HORROR MOVIE SERIAL KILLER ANGLE REALLY NECESSARY THEN, HORIKOSHI. WHAT THE FUCK

TWICE SHUT UP YOU ARE DIGGING YOUR OWN GRAVE!!!

fuck!!! this is why I was so sure he was going to die! because he won’t go quietly; he’s not the type to ever betray his friends. to him the League are basically the only family he’s ever known, so of course he’s not going to just be all “okay sure I’ll go to prison and let you reform me”

so then what, Hawks?? you didn’t fucking think this through you stupid kind-hearted punk!

sob!!!!

is that one of Hawks’s feathers slicing open the mask. sing it with me guys. to the tune of Jingle Bells: fuck fuck fuck, fuck fuck fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuck

OH MY GOD NOOOOO

I WEIRDLY WANT TO COVER MY EYES LOL OH GOD. I DON’T WANT THIS BUT I CAN’T LOOK AWAY HELPPPPP

FUCK ME, IT’S REALLY HAPPENING. HE COULDN’T BRING HIMSELF TO KILL HIM AND NOW HE’S SCREWED HIMSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE OVER, FUCK

FOR FUCK’S SAKE HAWKS YOU COULD HAVE JUST KNOCKED HIM OUT THEN!! YOU JUST HAD TO GO AND FUCKING TRY TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF. DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED IN DEIKA CITY, HAWKS. DO WE REALLY WANT A REPEAT OF THAT. SURE, WE’VE GOT CLASS 1-B OUT IN THE BACKYARD MORE THAN READY AND WILLING TO KILL ANY NUMBER OF BITCHES BECAUSE THAT’S HOW THEY DO, BUT STILL

oh shit!?!

lol excuse me are you really just going to end it there? fucking seriously. Dabi running up the stairs with the crazy eyes while Hawks regretfully thinks of himself and his side as “hero scum”?? fff

and that last part! holy shit! again, I don’t buy into any of the dark!Hawks theories, and that includes the theory that Hawks will turn on the heroes and end up siding with the villains (because, again, it has nothing to do with him liking the villains, or secretly resenting the HPSC; it’s strictly on account of the whole “the villains want to destroy the entire world” thing. like. unless you think Hawks is cool with all of that of course). so I have to admit this was very startling for me to read

but I do think this is probably just some of the inevitable self-loathing finally spilling over after being forced to play this role and do all these things for the sake of the greater good, rather than him hinting at a desire to turn against the so-called “hero scum.” but still, that’s probably as dark as we’re gonna get from him, and ngl, it’s some heavy stuff

goddammit. feel like we need to cut to some wholesome class 1-A antics or something after all of that. as always, angst is a double-edged sword that I always anticipate and love but am also destroyed by sigh

#bnha 264 #hawks #twice (bnha)#kaminari denki #re-destro #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste spoiler recap #makeste reads bnha #at least next week the anime will finally get to the concert!#I can't wait omg #exactly the type of wholesome antics I was referring to #the manga is so tense right now holy crap #got a feeling we're gonna need this

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horansqueen · 5 years ago

Text

AM Conversations : chapter 31

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

- note for this chapter: i hope its not too bad. im scared ppl are gonna lose interest tbh. and i know, so many dialogues but it was needed!

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 31 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I woke up the next day a bit disoriented. I couldn't remember when exactly I fell asleep but as soon as my eyes opened, I felt my lips curl. Niall was laying next to me and we were both facing each other. He was still asleep and I brought my hand to his cheek, making him whimper very low. Slowly, I moved closer and pressed my lips on his gently, leaving a small and soft kiss on his mouth. His eyes fluttered half-open and when he saw me, his lips curled. It made my bite my bottom lip when I realized I hadn't seen him this happy in a while. Niall was someone who was always smiling but at this exact moment, it was even more than that. Or perhaps it was the reflection of my own happiness that I could see on his face.

He didn't say anything, he just moved closer to kiss my lips again, making them curl. I brought my hand over my mouth and smiled more.

"Hi."

He chuckled and also brought his hand in front of his mouth.

"Hi." he repeated. "Morning breath?"

"Would be bad if it was the first impression you had of me in the morning."

This time, he laughed and i felt my heart melt in my chest.

"I've smelled your morning breath and been a witness of more." he pointed out with what I guessed was a smirk from the way the corner of his eyes moved up. "Those little futile things won't change my love for you."

I could feel my heart flutter at the same time than my eyes when I heard his words.

"I woke up facing you like this so many times. I've wanted to kiss you so many times. This is the first time I actually do it. I never thought I would."

He stared at me and took his hand away. He was not smirking anymore, just smiling softly at me. I never thought Niall would ever look at me this way. I wouldn't have dared to wish for it.

"Fuck morning breath." he just said moving closer to me and getting half his body on top of mine before pushing my hand gently away and kissing me. It took me a few seconds to allow him to deepen the kiss but eventually I did. I closed my eyes, enjoying the way he kissed me and the warmth of his body over mine until he groaned in my mouth. "How did you sleep?"

I tried to think of an answer but all I could focus on was the way his lips ran down on my neck and how good they felt on my skin. I wanted to lock myself with him in his room for weeks like our own private and deserted island, leaving reality behind.

His phone started ringing and he groaned, his lips stopping on my collarbone. He simply sighed and I grimaced before he got up and searched for his phone through the pockets of the pants he wore the day before. It was not his type to leave dirty clothes on the floor but it seemed like both of us were distracting the other and I couldn't hide that I liked it.

"Hello?" he quickly answered without checking the caller ID... and with the way his face changed, I believed he shouldn't have had. "Oh hi."

I sat in bed and tilted my head, feeling suddenly a bit stressed, wondering who was on the phone but also annoyed, because whoever it was, they were clearly disturbing our alone time like some sort of ship running aground on the beach of my private island. I pushed on the covers and turned to face him, crossing ,my legs as I sat on the end of the bed.

"No, sorry, I'm busy tonight." Niall continued, turning to look at me before sending me a small smile. "I'm spending time with my girlfriend."

I held my breath and Niall stopped moving. After a few seconds, he raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes. "No, I don't mean my friend who is a girl, I really mean the girl i'm officially dating. My girlfriend." Silence. "Okay, bye."

He hung up and sighed, throwing his phone on the bed and looking through his drawers for a clean pair of boxers that he just took out.

"Who was it?" I didn't want to seem invasive but the question was burning my lips.

"Oh." he just said with a shrug, glancing at me. "It was Heidi."

The simple mention of her name made my heart jump in my throat, making me slightly nauseous. I was not sure if it was because I was jealous or scared but all I knew was that Niall had sex with her a few times and that it was probably why she was calling. I wanted to ask him to delete her number or even block it but I knew I couldn't. I was trying not to be that kind of girlfriend, the type who gets insecure about every little thing that happens, and every girl her boyfriend talks to, but it wasn't easy. Niall and I were clearly not in the same league and although I knew love is not about physical appearances, I couldn't help but be nervous about all of this.

I suddenly felt extremely self-conscious but also mad at myself for letting someone like Heidi ruin my mood.

"I need a shower." he let out, taking me out of my thoughts. "Wanna come with?"

My mind suddenly went blank and my lips parted slightly as I stared at him. Did I want to see Niall naked and wet in the shower? Fuck yes. Did I want to stand in front of him in my birthday suit? Hell no.

"You reek too, by the way." he added with a smirk, taking his shirt off and throwing it in the laundry basket before turning back to me again and raising his eyebrows.

"Uhm."

I couldn't talk and I couldn't move. I could feel my heart beat all over my body, not really knowing what to answer. He knelt in front of me with a worried expression and placed his hands on my thighs. I could feel how warm they were, even through the fabric of his sweatpants that I was wearing, and it made me swallow hard. I was so scared to do or say something that would make me lose him that I could barely think straight. I had to do something about it before it ruined the relationship I had with him. As lovers, but also as best friends.

"Tempting, but no, i'll just go after you."

I tried to look normal and sent him a smile but he frowned a bit before nodding and getting up again. He bent down to kiss my lips and it sent a rush to my brain. I already regretted saying no but I knew i'd regret a 'yes" even more when i'd be naked in front of him.

I realized I was holding my breath when I sighed as soon as I heard the shower start and I closed my eyes, feeling suddenly ridiculous. Niall was now my boyfriend, and he said he loved me... he wouldn't change his mind because of what I look like naked, would he?

I sighed loud and lied back down in bed, grabbing my phone and crossing my ankles together. I couldn't help it and searched Niall's name on google only to find recent articles about him. There were pictures of us kissing at the bar and although it was from afar and not very clear, I felt extremely ugly. 'It's official! Niall Horan finally dating lifelong friend!'

My heart jumped in my chest when I realized the article started with 'After years of friendship, it is without a surprise that Niall Horan is finally seen kissing his childhood friend...' My eyes roamed on the sentence twice, three times... ten. 'Without a surprise'?

I scrolled down to the comments section and started nibbling on my bottom lip. I knew that whatever I would read would end uip hurting me but it was stronger than me. I was not the type to really care about what people thought of me but despite what anyone may tell you, reading mean things about yourself sucks and hurts.

'Can't believe she dated both Harry and Niall! Talk about a dream life! 😍'

'I have no idea how that ugly girl got one of them let alone both. 🤔 It makes no sense'

'They are so adorable!!!!!'

'He fucking deserves better have you seen her? 🤮'

'He lost a bet 😂😂😂'

'OTP OTP OTP 🥰'

I shut my eyes tight again and threw my phone on the bed before groaning low. All I could see behind my eyelids was a parade of emojis and I did the best I could to hold my tears in. I knew Niall was out of my league but some people could be so cruel when hiding behind a computer screen. The shower stopped and when Niall came back in the room, he was followed by a cloud of steam. I looked at him quickly from head to toes, enjoying the view as he walked up to me with only a towel around his waist.

"My turn!" I just said, jumping out of bed. He stopped me as I walked by and pulled me closer, making me chuckle low.

"You're all wet!" I complained jokingly, making him laugh.

"Then just take your clothes off."

His fingers reached for the top of my shirt and he pulled gently on the collar to move it down as his eyes dropped in. I felt my heart jump in my chest and shook my head, taking a step back and making him groan low.

"Pervert!" I added with a chuckle, walking to the bathroom.

I turned around and before closing the door, I stuck my tongue out at him, making him laugh again but I still locked behind myself. I knew my fear and my hatred for my own body was stopping me from living some great things with Niall but I just didn't feel ready to show him all of me. I just wanted him to think I was beautiful. I wanted to turn him on, I wanted him to want me the way I wanted him.

I brushed my teeth first and quickly got undressed and started the waterI stayed a bit longer than I should have in the shower, letting the warm water fall on me and relaxing me as the memories of the night before played over and over in my mind. It was still incredible and unbelievable to me that Niall had finally realized he had feelings for me too but it was my reality now and It felt like I would never get down from my cloud.

I got out of the shower, drying my hair the best I could with a towel before wrapping it around my body and remembering that I left my clothes in the room. I raised my nose up and inhaled deeply before going back. I frowned when I saw him laying in bed in only a pair of boxers and my phone in hands. He looked at me and sighed, turning the phone my way to show me the article I had been reading while he was in the shower.

"I'm sorry I checked your phone it's just..." he sighed again and shook his head. "You shouldn't read shit like that. You know those mean comments aren't true, right?"

I held my towel to make sure it wouldn't fall and sent him a sad smile, walking to the bed. He sat on it and I shrugged as he looked up, wrapping his arms around me.

"Liv, please, listen to me." he let out in a low but worried tone. "I feel so lucky to be with you. You are beautiful and I love you." he paused but he kept staring at me. "Olivia, I love you."

"It's just..." I closed my eyes and sighed, feeling him hold me tighter against him. "I don't know."

"Talk to me, okay?"

I nibbled on my bottom lip and finally just nodded. He let go of me and lied back down in bed, leaving space for me. I lied down next to him, leaning my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around me. I felt secure suddenly and the fact that we weren't looking at each other anymore made it slightly easier.

"You've never seen me naked." I just pointed out.

"That's... correct." he seemed a bit confused. "And i'd like to change that."

My lips curled in a fond smile.

"I mean, I don't know what you're expecting but you may be disappointed." I tried to explain, feeling his arm pull me closer. "I am not shaped like Maya or Heidi or those girls you normally end up with."

Silence. All I could hear was the sound of my heart beating against my chest. He started drawing shapes on the skin of my arm with his fingertip and It made a shiver cross my body as my heart skipped a beat. It reminded me of that time at the movies...

"I only had sex with Maya a few times." he confessed, making me frown.

"Like, how many times?"

"I don't know, four?"

I knew they had dated for a while and it was surprising that they hadn't had sex more often. Clearly, she wanted him and no one could not want her. I frowned more, a bit confused by it but also wondering why exactly he was telling me that.

"Why?"

My question was not clear but I knew he'd understand.

"I couldn't." he explained, shrugging a shoulder. "I couldn't because I only wanted you."

I couldn't help but let out a chuckle. It was laughable to think someone had the chance to bang a girl like Maya but couldn't because they wanted me more.

"I guess my love for you made it impossible for me to lust after an other girl." he continued. "I don't know what you're scared of but I know I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone else. And I won't be disappointed because it'll be you. And that's all I want. You."

I let my eyes roam on his body and I couldn't deny that I wanted him, too. I had never wanted anyone the way I wanted him. Obviously, this relationship was based on more than sex but it seemed to be an issue and I understood that he wanted to solve it. I also wanted to share everything with him. We had never really talked about sex together, at least not about our personal sex life. It's not that it embarrassed me but I didn't want to hear about the girls he had sex with and what he did with them. it would have been too hard to hear because of my love for him and for that reason, I also kept my stories a secret to make sure he wouldn't tell me his. It was a precaution I took to avoid my heart being too broken and so far, it had worked.

"Remember when we were in my room and you were about to check in a drawer and I told you not to?" I started in a low voice, raising my eyebrows without looking at him. "It was not because of my underwear.. It's just that... it's the place I keep my vibrators."

His fingers stopped moving on my shoulder and I held my breath, a small smile playing on my lips. I hadn't expected to admit that to him and obviously, he hadn't expected to hear it either.

"Plural?"

"Yes."

We remained in silence for a while and he finally chuckled.

"That's so hot." he admitted, laughing a bit. "There's so many things I don't know about you when it comes to sex, Liv, and I'd love to talk about it with you."

My traits softened and I looked up at him, moving slightly to get my head on the pillow, my face turned his way. Talking about my body embarrassed me but talking about sex in general didn't and I was totally fine with that discussion.

"Okay, I go first!" I let out with a smirk. "Who's your favorite pornstar? And if you say Jenna Jameson I'm gonna be very disappointed in you."

He sent me an insulted frown, his lips slightly parted, and it made me laugh.

"Do you know me at all?" he just asked, making me laugh. "I don't think I have a favorite, but I guess I enjoy Shyla Jennings."

I raised my nose up and groaned a bit, still looking at him.

"I can't say I'm surprised, and I also can't blame you."

"Why not surprised?" he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously.

"She's your type." I laughed, moving my chin up to look at him better.

"Oh I have a type now?" he wondered as I nodded. "Alright then, who's your fave pornstar?"

My face changed and I shrugged with a small smile.

"Gina Valentina, no second thoughts."

I saw a bunch of emotions cross his face and it made me laugh as he shook his head.

"Wait, what?"

"Oh, you wanted a man?" I asked, amused by the conversation, as I sent him a smirk. "Tyler Nixon, then."

His eyes roamed on my face and I tried to guess what he was thinking about. He was discovering things about me that I never thought he'd know but I was totally fine with it: I had nothing to hide. His lips curled into a small but fond smile and I licked my lips, my eyes never leaving his. I felt his hand take mine and he placed his palm against mine before intertwining out fingers together.

"Tell me something that you did that I would never guess."

His voice was low and the atmosphere in the room had shifted completely. We looked at each other for a few seconds and I licked my lips. He brought his hand on my waist, now completely facing me, and my heart jumped in my chest at how good he looked.

"One time I had a threesome with two other girls."

His eyes opened slightly more and his eyebrows raised up, making me laugh. He held me tighter, his fingers sinking in the fabric of the towel I still had around me, and I knew he had many questions to ask.

"You did too, didn't you?" I kept talking, raising my eyebrows too as my eyes roamed on his face.

"Maybe." he sent me a smirk. "I mean, one time when I was very drunk... it happened. But the whole thing is a bit blurry."

I don't know why but it was a relief that he didn't remember it clearly and I licked my lips. It was ridiculous of me but I couldn't help it. I knew it was impossible but I wanted to be the only girl he'd lust... the one who would make him cum the hardest, the one he could never forget.

"Was it someone you were dating?"

"I was... seeing one of them." he admitted with a groan. "And it sort of killed whatever relationship we could have had."

I nodded slowly. "It was the same for me. We broke up only a few days later."

"When was that?" he asked with a frown, probably trying to remember something he wasn't even there for.

"During your third tour."

It made me realize how little I talked about myself when it came to relationship and how little I knew about him, too. I had met all his official girlfriend, although the number could be counted on the fingers of one hand (and not the whole hand), but I wasn't aware of all the 'maybe's' and 'almost's'.

"Are you scared of what could happen after we make love?" he finally asked after a long silence. "Or what I will think? Say?"

I sighed low and looked away. Every time the discussion switched back to my insecurities, I couldn't seem to look at him in the eyes. I knew he'd be able to read me and it scared me, but I also knew that at some point, i'd have to open up to him, or I would lose him.

I shook my head slightly, looking at our intertwined fingers and It suddenly hit me. If someone was going to be there no matter what, it would be Niall, the way he's always been there.

"I hate my body, I hate the way I look naked, and there's no way you will like it. These people online, your fans, or whatever, they're all right."

The words came out of my mouth and I didn't even think. Everything I said I meant so deep that it hurt. All of this I had thought and believed for so long that expressing them out loud gave me a shiver.

"You're beautiful." he just said in a whisper.

I looked up in his eyes and I could see that he was hurt. I licked my lips and swallowed hard as he let go of my hand to slide it back on the towel around me. He kept staring at me as his hand pulled gently on the fabric and an other shiver ran all over my body, not only because of the cold air hitting suddenly my damp skin but also because of the thought of being naked in front of him. He pushed the towel on the floor and I held my breath, biting my bottom lip and sucking my stomach in. I didn't know why I cared so much, I had no idea why I was so scared after everything he showed and said, but I couldn't help it.

His fingertips ran on my waist and to my hip, ending softly on my thigh and I swallowed hard as he sent me a small smile. Slowly, he moved over me, pushing me on my back, and I moved my chin up to keep eye contact with him. I loved the feeling of his over me, like the weight on my whole body was some sort of protection against everything else, even my own complexes. He bent closer and brushed his lips against mine so gently that I felt my heart twist in my chest.

"You're beautiful and I love you." he whispered, making my lips part lightly.

I couldn't move, I was paralyzed, but I forced myself to keep my eyes open when his lips brushed on my jaw and down my neck. They traveled to my breasts and when I felt his warm tongue on one of them, I whimpered, my body jerking very slightly at the feeling.

I wanted to tell him that I loved him too, that I had never been in love with anyone else and that I never would, but the words got stuck in my throat. His mouth moved to my other nipple and I tried to push away all the questions running in my mind without much success. What did he think? Was he disappointed? Was he still lusting me? Loving me?" Or did he just feel bad for me?

His hand reached for my stomach only a few seconds before his lips and he finally looked up at me, shaking his head from left to right and pressing his fingers gently on my skin.

"Don't do that." he asked in a breath.

It took me a few seconds but I finally exhaled and relaxed my body. His lips curled in a small but find smile and he mouthed a 'thank you', making me swallow hard. I didn't know if he realized the strength it took me and what it implied for me exactly, but he seemed to be grateful and that was enough for now.

Very slowly and softly, he pressed his lips on every inch of my skin as my heart seemed to flutter. I felt dizzy suddenly by the way he showed me love but I still couldn't move. I just focused on his mouth brushing everywhere it could and leaving a burning sensation on my skin. Nothing had ever felt like that before.

His hands glided on my thighs until my knees and he spread them slowly. His lips stopped on my lower stomach and the sight of him between my legs was incredible and way more exciting than anything I had imagined before.

"Is this okay?"

I stared at him a few seconds that seemed to last an hour and he waited, his eyes never leaving mine. I licked my bottom lip but nodded slowly but he kept looking at me as he brought his lips down. I held my breath when his lips left a kiss on my slit and I gripped the sheets with one of my hands.

I was completely naked, the curtains were open and I was with Niall. It was everything I had wished for yet it was also my biggest fear. I tried not to think about it when his fingers ran between my legs and his tongue pressed on my clit, making my body jerk again. It slid down and entered me and my eyes fluttered close as I restrained a curse word from escaping my lips.

"Oh my god." I breathed out, forcing myself to open my eyes if only to look at my boyfriend and burn the image of him eating me out on my retina forever.

His tongue and lips worked between my legs, making them twitch as I got closer and closer to an orgasm but it's only when he started sucking on my clit that my back arched and my eyes finally shut tight.

"F-" I stopped myself and started shaking but he held me down on the mattress with one of his arms as an orgasm crossed my whole body.

I couldn't stop squirming as the intense feeling invaded me from head to toes and it's only when it was gone that I whimpered, feeling both embarrassed and happy at the same time. I felt him crawl up my body and when I finally opened my eyes, he was hovering over me, holding himself with his elbows and smiling down fondly at me.

I felt my heart melt at the way he was looking at me and I smiled back, feeling my heartbeats accelerate. Out of fear, and out of love. I just didn't expect his next words but it brought me near tears.

"I didn't think it was possible, but I love you even more."

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan writing #niall horan story #my fanfiction #amc #cant wait to write more of this tbh!

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houseki-no-suffering · 5 years ago

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so since your the almighty one everyone comes to to theorize things i'm here with somethin of curiosity. i've seen people before mention that if cinnabar went with phos or was least involved in all of this none of this whole disaster would've happen. your thoughts? and how right or wrong do ya think this assumption is? ljksfljksf just curious lol.

thanks for the trust, im just a nerd with a blog.

Talking if’s and but’s is fun for speculation’s sake but take whatever im about to say with a few grains of salt because these are just farfetched hypothesis. also sorry this came out super long, im very verbose when it comes to shinsha

I’ve touched on the subject of Shinsha going to the moon with Phos a few times (like here), but I think its important to determine when, exactly, Shinsha would come with Phos.

Are we speaking of a completely different timeline, one where Phos asked Shinsha to become their partner since the very beginning? If that’s the case, I cant really see Phos becoming interested in finding the truth about Sensei or the lunarians and the two would keep on being good friends until one of them was abducted or someone else decided to embark on a journey to unveil the truth.

Are we speaking of a timeline where Shinsha accepts to go to the moon in chapter 52? That’s a tricky one because Cinnabar had pretty strong reasons to refuse to go. Maybe im just very paranoid about characterization, even if this is not fanfic, but it would be very out of character of them to come with Phos and put aside their pride for the umpteenth time, after Phos used them and brushed them off over and over during the years.

I think that the reason why people say that if Cinnabar went with Phos this whole disaster (the rift btw moon and earth gems, the night raid and Phos becoming a war criminal) wouldn’t have happened is because Cinnabar has always been good at channeling Phos’ chaos.

What Cinnabar brought to Phos’ personality was direction, caution and insight. It is not by chance that, the second Phos could no longer rely on Shinsha for counsel, things rapidly escalated toward madness.

The last of Phos and Cinnabar’s conversations happens in chapter 61, way too late to mend things: Phos should have talked with cinnabar sooner, but under Lapis’ influence and crescent grief they were growing colder and more impatient and they never understood Cinnabar enough to know that Shinsha was truly interested in helping them. Phos hurt Cinnabar for the last time in chapter 52, proving Cinnabar once more that they were not the right person to help Cinnabar and that Shinsha’s trust had been misplaced. Their last conversation, in chapter 61, can be nothing else than a disaster.

I’ve written a whole meta on how Shinsha was about to shake Phos’ outstretched hand. If Phos didn’t take back their offer, Shinsha would have come with them to the moon.

To mend things and have Shinsha come with Phos, then, we’d have to change an important line of dialogue like the one where phos takes back their offer (“can we go together?… or so I’d like to say”) and/or when phos pretends not to hear shinsha when cinnabar asks them to please not go.

we gotta make it so that either shinsha swallows their pride and explains things to phos, or phos doesnt pretend they didnt hear them.

Now, I’ll give myself and other Shinsha stans out there a moment to contemplate the fact that we were robbed of Shinsha in lunarian clothes, as well as the fact that we were robbed of the amazing and heartfelt dialogue that would have followed phos hearing cinnabar’s plea and listening to them. This manga is so cruel, truly.

With Shinsha on Phos’ side, im gonna explore two possible scenarios among dozens that might have happened:

Canon divergence 1:

Shinsha and Phos go to the moon alone following that alternative dialogue in chapter 52. This means that the first time phos goes to the moon, cinnabar is with them.

for this plan to work, phos probably doesnt need cairn’s complicity. i imagined cinnabar and phos could be abducted in a scene reminiscing of chapter 2, when they first meet and cinnabar saves phos.

on the moon, phos is not alone to face the truth of the dusted gems, they’re not alone to listen to aechmea’s explanations and lies and they’re not alone bargaining with aechmea. cinnabar is shrewd and attentive, patient, smart, and they always advised phos well. add to this the fact that, since they agreed on coming to the moon together, these two dumbasses finally made a few steps toward proper communication.

as the power team ive always known they can be, shinsha and phos balance each other pretty well. i can see shinsha convincing phos to stay on the moon longer to learn more about the truth (phos only stayed 2 months the first time). Assuming that Shinsha doesn’t accept (pls don’t accept) to have someone suppress their poison (assuming its something the lunarians can do), their mercury is a pretty strong weapon and it could give them some bargaining power over the moon people.

also im not sure how the pearl eye thing would work: to control them effectively, aechmea would need to implant a spy on both shinsha and phos, but would he be afraid of their mercury? after all it’s something even lunarians have “a hard time” healing padpa from after the night raid. so let’s give divergence!Shinsha self-confidence points for finding out their mercury is cool and good.

now things start to become really different from canon. shinsha is considered reliable by the earth gems, so with two gems rather than only phos to advocate for the moon people’s cause, the earth gems might be more prone to believe them and phos might not need to pull off their rebellion thing.

which means no rift between moon and earth gems, which means no cairnmea arc, no night raid, no nearly-dead padpa and no to at least a dozen new emotional traumas for our phos.

i wish i could be more precise than this, but at this point the story could develop in so many directions that i’d leave it to your own imagination. my biggest point of concern is phos becoming human. if they dont acquire the pearl eye they wont be human enough to activate sensei and that would be a huge problem.

Canon divergence 2:

Shinsha follows Phos to the moon the second time Phos goes(chapter 62). this makes less sense character-wise, but I’m gonna explore this option anyway because it allows me to include other gems as well.

Cinnabar’s judgment is trusted, they’re smart. If Shinsha decided to come, other gems might follow their example, like Rutile. Rutile wanted to go and they’re friends with Cinnabar. They might gloss over their attempt to ask for Sensei’s permission if Shinsha guarantees for Phos’ plan. However, if Rutile comes, Padparadscha will stay on earth (as Rutile says in chapter 62). Even if Padpa came to the moon, they would be under Rutile’s influence and/or they’d have to take Rutile’s feelings into account. It’s possible that they would have less room to operate freely.

If Padpa and Rutile come, a lot of other gems could follow. To the point it would be hard to keep the escape a secret. The rift between moon and earth gems could run deeper than in Canon: worst case scenario there could be a fight between the two groups, best case scenario the two groups talk it out and some gems decide to trust Phos while others stay on earth. Cairn is a wild card whose behavior im not entirely sure about. Its possible that they would simply not follow Phos if Phos already had a partner with them (Shinsha) and we’d be spared the whole cairnmea arc and if that’s not something worth celebrating I don’t know what is.

Once again, if Shinsha is with Phos, they’ll push Phos to think before they act. They could help Phos strengthen their position as leader and use their mercury to give the gems some bargaining power over the moon people. I can see Shinsha acting a little like Amethyst 84: interested in the moon, maybe more wary, cold, objective…

The night raid would not necessarily be the failure it was. Shinsha would be on Phos’ side and spare Phos the emotional trauma they woke up to in chapter 72, when they realized that Cinnabar, the one person they thought a friend, attacked them. With Phos and Padpa’s strength, numbers and Shinsha’s mercury on their side, the moon gems would win. Earth and moon gems could finally talk and solve the problem.

The question is whether Phos was human enough during the night raid. If they asked Sensei to pray, would he activate already? Otherwise, everyone’s efforts would be in vain and the earth gems could assume the others lied or maybe aechmea could decide to turn everyone to dust and implement yet another plan.

soooo to sum this up: yeah, i do think that if cinnabar came with phos a lot of drama could have been avoided. maybe not all of it, maybe new drama would have ensued, but that’s life. still, it would have been very out of character both for phos and for cinnabar to go together to the moon. and ichikawa would never give up the cairnmea arc.

#houseki no kuni #land of the lustrous #hnk #cinnabar #phosphophyllite #pinktatertots99 #meta #kinda #at times like this im reminded that i am but cinnabar trash and i always will be #i miss the times when they used to be a relevant character #we would get full chapters about them #god #that sounds unreal #the things you take for granted #thanks for the question tho it was p fun to speculate about

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tayegi · 6 years ago

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Lu new rules is always worth the wait. I love it when the OC stood up to him. And Jungkook being whatever he’s trying to do is leaving us in suspense. But last the scene is perfect. I can picture that scene as if I was watching a drama. Especially when she say “it’ll be easy getting over you” and turn around VERY slowly. Gosh I just want to cry cause it’s beautifully written. JK probably scare that he’s not good enough for her?JEON JUNGKOOK you get on my nerves but I still love him.

jjiritjjiritgirl said:ohmygod the new chapter for new rules is so good ohmygod like i had to pause a lot when oc was calling jungkook out for being a coward. i wasnt the one going off but DAMN that felt good.

luxinfired said:OH SHIT I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THE NR UPDATE KXJABGZGQGHS Girl your writing is the best thing in the world! I love OC, she showed us her vulnerable side but then she goes and confronts Jungkook like that! That last scene was amazing, you tell them girl! Also I loved the conversation with Yoongi, I'm glad she was able to empathize with him immediately. I really want Yerin and him to find their own happiness, they deserve it~ Thank you for this wonderful piece of writing 💜

Anonymous said:jungkook a whole ass idiot

Anonymous said:Hi Lu!! U probably ddnt receive my ask from last time as well so Im writing this again! Well I just want to tell you that NR.11 WAS FUCKING AMAZING AND I'M SO SATISFIED WITH IT AND I CRIED! at first I expected OC to just yell at JK for his reaction when she confessed, thn have him tell her his story BUT SHIT SEEM SO DEEP HOLY SHIT! I feel so bad for oc and for the fact that she felt the need to say sorry? Thats kinda fucked up but I believe that's bc she was pretty shocked by his reaction[1–❄️🐰

Anonymous said:Also maybe I'm not the only one hatin' on JK, but damn boi better have a GOOD excuse to why the fuck is he being a pain in the ass, I mean.. I don't wanna judge him for his choices, but thats exactly what I wanna do BYE/ but like im pretty sure that he's been acting like a jerk to 'help OC get rid of her cancerous feelings' cuz I dnt think that he sees HER as a prob-in fact, he actually rly likes her- but he just cnt seem to accept her feelings that's so absurd.. [2—❄️🐰

Anonymous said:Like he was so happy to see her when he was with his team but once he remembered that he was supposed to ignore her he acted like he ddnt want to see her. And I really dnt know which part was he so embarrassed about when she came in calling him out in his own frat; was it bc she exposed his whipped ass in front of his we-dnt-do-feelings™ buddies? Or was it bc of sth else AMMA FUCKING SNAP! [3—❄️🐰

Anonymous said:And I really think that when OC told him that it's gonna be so easy to get over him now that he showed his true colors, like, I really think that it was a slap to his face. Cuz deep down, I dnt think he wants her to get over him and I know that shit will go down from here when the entire frat is mocking OC's speech, JM will know abt it, MJ might hear from him too AND HOPEFULLY SHE CAN KICK THE BULLSHIT OUT OF JK ONCE MORE! gosh Lu thank u so much for this amazing fic💕 u make my days😭[4/4]—❄️🐰

Anonymous said:holy mother of god wOW emphasis on the OW NR11 !!! Lu my god, idk how you've gotten me to love getting stabbed in the heart like this but !!! :,( thank you so much for updating and incorporating toxic masculinity and gaslighting into this chapter, they're such important issues and i just wish OC didn't have to deal with their effects. idk how long you're planning on making NR, all i hope for is that someone will treat OC right by the end *side-eyes JK, whispers "get it together, fool"*

Anonymous said:Thank you so much for yet another amazing chapter of NR!! I love how you write with so much detail about the thoughts of the OC when jk rejects her. For me, it heightens the emotions of the story so much and i love that I can feel what the OC feels - the initial embarrassment, the sadness, the anger. I also loved how the OC confronted JK and didn’t just dismiss her own emotions, acknowledging that they’re just as valid as JKs. Thank!!! You!!! :)

Anonymous said:hi lu! just wanted to day i love nr and that i appreciate the messages that you put in your writing. especially with the latest chapter, i relate so much to what nr yoongi is going through, and seeing that was a wonderful reminder that im not alone in this situation and that when you reach out, people will support you. again, thank you so much for writing and sharing these stories with us and i hope that you yourself have an amazing group of people who support and love you 💚💜

Anonymous said:I feel like waste it on me fits as bg music to the situation JK and OC are in after her confession in NR lol.. but anyways, just finished reading the latest chapter and wow. So many emotions. I'm so glad OC finally confronted JK, i love her fiery personality! Your writing really has me immersed in my own little bubble as I put myself in OC's shoes. Looking forward to the rest when the time comes, i'm curious to find out JK's backstory. Great work, Lu! 💕

Anonymous said:Ahh I just finished the update and its so heart wrenching. The emotions were so raw and realistic. And as hard as it was to read the pain the OC had to go through, I'm excited that either way things are moving in a new direction. She can't keep suppressing her feelings forever. Admitting feelings can be so difficult but afterwards its so freeing knowing that you're not holding anything back and being honest with yourself. I'm looking forward to the growth this will bring all of the characters.

Anonymous said:I just caught up to new rules and wow as someone who experienced a heartbreak that I never want to go through again THAT SHIT HURTED I felt the emotions of the o/c yelling at jungkook out of frustration and anger highkey wish I could’ve confronted the person that I had a relationship with in that manner yk to get it out of the system I think that way the healing is a faster process because you aren’t having an internal dialogue of what you could’ve said etc wow thank you for writing new rules! x

Anonymous said:I love the new NR chapter! It definitely hit home when you described how the OC felt after she got rejected. I love the end in this chapter. I love the OC's confrontation. I wish I could be a woman on a mission like her too. Yoongi's character got me namshooketh btw. I love how you added the lgbtq aspect into this fic. Everything about it is so realistic. And I love the gaslighting part in her confrontation so much! This is such a beautifully written fanfic. 😭❤

bekzzz said:You know what I really appreciate about New Rules. Mijoo and the Readers friendship. I love how they stuck together after everything. I also love how the reader is trying to reclaim her self esteem. I think calling Jungkook out was amazing for her. Also, maybe for him it will help him figure out his own feelings. Love is okay, being romantic is okay. It doesn't diminish masculinity or make someone weak. Thanks for this amazing update! Till next time.

Anonymous said:holy moly, new rules was eventful. i felt so much secondhand embarrassment when she was *rejected* by jk, and really hated nr jk for how he reacted... and then when oc, yerin and mijoo were together, and she felt like she needed to be the strong one. i really fucking felt that. it felt like a punch to the gut. but oc’s comments to jk really got me, and i have so much respect for her, yet pity her at the same time... as well as jk. thank you for the amazing update!! 😘 ly babe

Anonymous said:Dear god my heart was pounding all throughout that chapter lmao. How the heck you gotta get me so involved my body freaks out whenever you update New Rules? For real tho I feel for Yoongi- I know what it's like to have people be ready to ridicule and drop you for something you can't change about yourself, so that got me real good. I do hope that JK and MC are able to work themselves out they are by far one of the most interesting pairings I've read about thus far (praying for a happy ending)

Anonymous said:HOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD! I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS! Girl, you threw me for a loop. JK's reaction was pretty close to what I thought it would be, albeit more hostile which makes me so fucking curious like BABY WHO HURT YOU?!?!?! Yoongi turning Yerin down because he's gay just wow. I had zero inclination until the second he said it and the whole conversation was just gorgeous. And that final stomp into the frat house and speech were just glorious. Thank you my love

Anonymous said:first of all i want to thank you for the new chapter, it was such a surprise since you was so busy these past months so thank you for taking some time to write. now about the new chapter... my heart was beating so fucking fast the whole time, it’s amazing how well you’re able to express the feelings of the characters and make us all (well at least me) fell connected to the story. i’ve said this before, but the most amazing thing about nr (beside the plot & characters) is how relatable it is

Anonymous said:🎃(1) OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO CUTE AND AT SOME POINTS I AM not making any sense so be prepared 😥 💜💜 I hope I don't bore you /// Ok, here we go. ( /// means another scene or change of subject and --- means same scene but next line. Also I'll use the 🎃 emoji for Halloween's sake 😊) Damn that's gonna be so long 😥 oh well. /// Akakakakak first of all, great start! It lights up the heavy mood. And tbh who wouldn't get distracted from a half naked jk. 😏 ///

Anonymous said:🎃(2)Akskfhlskfajfkf I'm smiling. My heart is clenched tho. (I'm reading the kiss scene in the beginning) /// Why do I feel him saying I like you too won't be the way our oc means. My heart is confused. --- Fuck. --- Fuuuck... ///Ok, there's no way he would look at her with disgust. Come on giiirl. Don't fall for the lies our brain tells us. ---Ok, scratch that last. WHAT THE FUCK JEON JUNGKOOK. 😬 ----I wanna hug the oc and tell her that he is afraid and stupid for acting that way.

Anonymous said:🎃(3) That she is more than what she thinks. And like wtf he might be a star athlete and a stund but wtf about not being good enough?! Askfkddskkas. fuuck. //// You are not supposed to be fucking anything. Let it ouuut. They love you and it will help.--- Ok I get the point with it not being about you. (Ahahahahaha I'm on a roller coaster, sawrryyy) ---- Oh yaaaasss, I liiive for angry oc! You go guurl! ---- Well, if he is gay that would explain a lot. --

Anonymous said:🎃(4) ---"Trust me when I say that it would be entirely impossible with me" bruh. He is gay. --- Oh shit, he is gay...... 😶 ---- Now I'm sad. Ahahah and now I wanna hug him too . And I love the oc for being a good friend and I love that he reminds me of one of my closest friends being a tsundere.😢 /// Way to go yoongles, woop woop!! that sonofabiish. 🌚🌚---Wow when yoongi relaxed I realised I was holding my breath. Wtf ahahaha

Anonymous said:🎃(5) /// Aish. I'm getting angry at jk and angry at the oc for taking his bullshit and not being angry ahahah. ----- WHAT THE FUCK JEON KUNGKOOK WHY YOU BEING SO "TOUGH" AND "MANLY" YOU FUCKIN FUCKER 👿 (about him smiling at first and then being fake macho) ----- My eyes grew when you wrote she headed to jk frathouse 👀 --- I'm crossing my fingers for a buttkicking session, sth like mijoo did to the oc. Maybe a power point presentation of why he likes her too. Ahahah ---

Anonymous said:Ooo girl I am FIRED UP. You write so well that I can always fell the emotions OC feels. I was sad and hurt, shocked, and really mad. JK is such an asshole for making OC feel like her feelings weren't valid. He really does need to grow up. Good on OC for realizing that. And I don't know why he's putting up such a front when he's been such a good person thus far but BITCH IT BEST BE A GOOD REASON. So I'm assuming yerin has got the bad ending? Bc she doesn't know about yoongi being gay n shes hurt?

Anonymous said:(1/3🧟‍♂️) New Rules is probably my favorite non-published work that I’ve ever read and I really just want to thank you for being willing to share your writing with us! So, I feel like a lot went down in this chapter. I saw another anon say they thought Jk’s issues stemmed from a previous relationship. The girl probably made him feel like relationships in general are toxic, and as a result he’s completely unwilling to put himself in that kind of vulnerable position again? (1/3)

Anonymous said:(2/3🧟‍♂️) Similar to how the oc is feeling about being rejected, like she was stupid to let herself feel something for him, that’s why I think her barging in and calling him out in front of his friends got to him. (2/3)

Anonymous said:(3/3🧟‍♂️) All in all though, this chapter was really well written (like they all are lol) and I just wanted to take a moment to let you know how much I appreciate all the work you put into your writings bc they’ve really inspired me to educate myself on feminism and just a lot of things in general I’d never thought about before. Thanks again, Lu! I hope you have a wonderful week 💜💜 (3/3)

Anonymous said:wow lu, thank you for the newest nr update! my thoughts on my first reading: jungkook's reaction was shocking for the emotional side of me, not the logical side. I still feel for oc tho. yoongi being gay? didnt expect that & now I feel bad for assuming his sexuality, glad he talked to OC abt it bc it must have been hard to hold that secret. oc calling out jungkook? shes much braver than me, & I agree, jk's actions seem off. will reread & send reactions after, again thank you for writing/sharing!

There is literally nothing i love more than reading your thoughts and reactions!!! i have no idea how my writing will affect others, so to hear this is the most rewarding thing ever. thank you so much my lovely, passionate readers. You mean the world to me!!!

#new rules #new rules ch 11 #lanalanexpjm

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shazzeaslightnovels · 6 years ago

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Reading Long - March 2019

Volume’s read: 12

As per usual, no spoilers unless otherwise tagged and I obtained all of these volumes in Japanese from Bookwalker.

Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata 8 by Fumiaki Maruto

A welcome breather after the last few volumes of non-stop drama. It felt a lot more like the early volumes but I enjoyed it anyway. I swear Katou’s relationship with Eriri is the true love story of this series. Even though it’s only been a couple of months since I read the first two volumes, I couldn’t help but be nostalgic about the events in them along with the characters, as if a year had really passed for me too.

Sword Art Online: Mother’s Rosario by Reki Kawahara

Since I read the interview with Kawahara Reki where he talks about wanting to write a proper yuri series someday, my interest in this series was renewed. I rewatched the anime and genuinely enjoyed the first two seasons, though I still dislike Phantom Bullet arc (mostly because GGO just doesn’t look like much fun to me) so I wanted to read some of the light novel and figured I’d start with my favorite arc.

Even though this volume doesn’t hit me as hard as it did when I read it in English as a teenager, I still really like this volume. I’m one of those people who was annoyed by how little presence Asuna has in Fairy Dance and Phantom Bullet so I always liked that this volume gives her a lot of focus. And I LOVE Yuuki. One of Kawahara’s strengths has always been his ability to make the reader care about a character with only a couple of pages. Despite how little time she has, Yuuki still means a lot to me and I love her relationship with Asuna so much. One issue I did have with this book though was how many pages at the beginning were dedicated to recount the events of previous volumes. I already know all this and I doubt there are many readers who didn’t know all this. The other issue I had with this volume is how the last chapter tries to tie the arc into the main story. It didn’t need to and I think it shifts the focus of the arc away from Asuna and Yuuki’s relationship too much. And, as much as I enjoyed reading it, I think the anime surpassed it. Aoi Yuuki’s performance as Yuuki is breathtaking and the action scenes are so brilliantly animated. I did like having more insight into Asuna’s thoughts though so if you liked this arc in the anime, definitely check out the light novel!

This volume was published in English by Yen-Press as Sword Art Online: Mother’s Rosary so check it out if you’re interested!

Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata 9 by Fumiaki Maruto

I’m not sure what to say other than that this keeps up the quality of the series? It was a good volume.

Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata: Girls Side 2 by Fumiaki Maruto

Well this was a surprisingly satisfying read. Like the first volume, this volume is split into two parts with the first part taking place after volume 8 and the second after volume 9. The first part has three stories in it all focusing on characters and relationships that don’t get much focus in the main series. For example, the first story focuses on a conversation between Michiru and Utaha who I don’t think have had a real interaction since vol. 4. Even though these stories aren’t very plot relevant, I enjoyed them anyway. The second part is much more plot relevant and has some really good character moments for Izumi, Eriri, Megumi and Michiru and also includes a guest appearance by Mayu (from Koisuru Metronome manga)! The stories here were really good and the epilogue really tied them together nicely. I’m not sure whether this volume will be necessary to understand the story of future volumes but I get the feeling that the events that happen in the volume will be necessary to understand the characters and their relationships with each other.

Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata 10 by Fumiaki Maruto

Once again, Maruto takes a typical light novel volume premise and quickly turns it into a dramatic affair. The cover and the colour illustrations are a lie! This isn’t a beach/swimsuit volume but it is an Utaha volume and a good one. It made me remember why I loved Utaha in Koisuru Metronome and why I still do. I’m a bit anxious about vol. 11 given that the cover and the colour illustrations show Megumi being embarrassed which is very out of character for her.

Saenai Heroine no Sodatakata 11 by Fumiaki Maruto

Welp, Maruto finally did it. He finally made Megumi into a boring heroine for me. I can’t get into too much details about what I disliked about this volume without spoilers but I think one thing that was really missing was scenes without Tomoya in them. I get that he’s the protagonist and the narrator but in the first few volumes, there sections that were just dialogue that showed Megumi interacting with people who weren’t Tomoya. I think we haven’t had a scene like that since vol. 7 and GS doesn’t fully replace it. Those scenes made Megumi feel like a full character and they were needed here. The reader needs to be shown that she has a life outside of Tomoya.Without that, she’s boring.

This is the last volume in the series that I own so I won’t be reading the last four volumes (including FD and GS) until Bookwalker has them on sale again.

Iriya no Sora, UFO no Natsu 1 by Mizuhito Akiyama

A few years ago I read The Picture of Dorian Gray. It was the first time I had read any novel that was written before I was born and I remember being so amazed at how paragraphs could last an entire page. Reading Iriya gave me a similar feeling to that, even if it’s not nearly as old as Dorian Gray. It’s amazing to see how much the light novel medium has changed since the first volume was released in 2001. There were so many descriptions of settings and movements and some of these lasted for more than a page. Due to this, I had a tough time reading this volume. There were a few times where I lost the plot and had to go back and read the scene from the start again. The writing style is smooth and the relationship between the two leads is cute but I can’t say I found the plot very interesting. I don’t quite understand what most people find charming about this series yet but I’m looking forward to possibly finding out in volume 2.

As for the anime, I saw it a long time ago and barely remember it and don’t have easy access to rewatch it. Looking at the episode summaries from Wikipedia, the first episode adapts around 170 pages so I’d imagine it’s pretty rushed.

Torikago Miko to Seiken no Kishi by Izuki Kougyoku

A short ~90~ page story from the author of Mimizuku to Yoru no Ou. It’s a pretty standard fantasy story about a legendary knight and I can’t say I cared for it. I didn’t really buy the relationship between the two leads but I did really like the ending. Even if I didn’t care much for it, I’d still recommend it to people who liked Mimizuku.

Kidou Shitsuji by Takeshi Matsuyama

Well, this was a pleasant surprise! This is by the author of Ame no Hi no Iris and Koori no Kuni no Amaryllis and the English title is Robot Butler but the titular character is not the funniest thing about it. Instead, most of the scenes I found humorous involved the female lead, Liese and her attempts to get Bel to notice her through the use of shoujo manga tropes. Of course, they all backfire on her. She tries to wink flirtatiously at him and he just asks if she has dry eye. She tries to run into him with a piece of toast in her mouth… only, they’re in the middle of a hallway and he catches her effortlessly when she tries to run at him. Liese’s cluelessness when it comes to romance is genuinely charming and of course I loved her relationship with her best friend, Flora, who introduced her to the concept of shoujo manga in the first place and encourages her every step of the way. The other notable character is Flora’s robot butler, Victoria who seems to be the only one who knows how much of an idiot Bel actually is. In addition to how funny it is, the volume has some surprisingly tight world-building and chapter six is truly awesome. There are so many things that get revealed and there’re big epic fights! I liked it a lot. Unfortunately, I didn’t care for the ending. I thought it was a bit of a cop-out though I suppose it did end it cleanly in the way that I am not desperately wanting a second volume. Anyhow, I’d highly recommend it and I’m looking forward to reading more of Maruyama’s works in the future.

Iriya no Sora, UFO no Natsu 2 by Mizuhito Akiyama

Despite my lukewarm opinion of the first volume, I actually quite enjoyed this volume. Surprisingly, Iriya isn’t in this volume much and the volume instead gives the reader some insight into some of the side characters thoughts, particularly Akiho. My favorite part of the volume was when we got to experience the school’s cultural festival through the eyes of the Asaba parents. It was an interesting choice and one that I quickly got behind. Rather than being just background dressing, Asaba’s parents are actually pretty interesting and fun without being too eccentric and silly. One thing I think this series does really well is that I never feel like the author is treating the characters like adults. A huge issue with a lot of fiction is that they tend to think of teenagers as adults instead of just a pile of people who are still growing and learning how to make decisions. (Saekano has this issue too, btw.) But these characters are still in their first year of middle school and they act like it. I think I’m starting to get the charm of this series now. This volume was very fun to read and I enjoyed it enough that I started volume 3 right away.

Iriya no Sora, UFO no Natsu 3 by Mizuhito Akiyama

I’m starting to realize that I like this series the most when it’s not being told from Asaba’s POV. I still like his character and a lot of the impactful scenes come from his POV but the most memorable part of this volume was chapter 1 where Akiho and Iriya have an eating competition and become friends. I liked it a lot, especially since Akiho kind of becomes Iriya’s “Mum friend” afterwards and Kiyomi starts affectionately calling Iriya “Kana-bu” which I thought was pretty darn cute. One thing that I really like about the dynamic between Akiho and Iriya is that Akiho is never portrayed as a straight-up bitch trying to get between Asaba and Iriya. Instead, she’s just a girl learning how to deal with her feelings. And Iriya is never portrayed as just a victim of Akiho’s attitude. Iriya is strong in her own way and can be very determined when it comes down to it. But enough about them, this volume had a lot of character development for Asaba. I really liked that he asked Iriya what she wants. Does she want to keep things the way they are? Or does she him to help her? He asks and I really liked that. I also think the way he runs to the bathroom in uncomfortable social situations is hilarious and adorable. In general, despite this volume having pretty heavy plot developments, I just found all the characters to be really cute. Anyway, I’ll be taking a short break before reading the final volume but I am really enjoying this series so far.

Ankoku Kishi wo Nugasanaide 1 by Shinichi Kimura

From the author of Kore wa Zombie desu ka? this story starts when a high school student called Najima’s class gets a new transfer student who just looks like a suit of armour wearing a female uniform. Honestly, I found it boring which is why I’m not putting much effort into the premise summary. It was fine, I guess, but I didn’t laugh at all and I found the characters to be bland. But I bought the first three volumes when they were first released so I kinda have to read them.

#Saekano #Sword Art Online #Mother's Rosario #Mother's Rosary #Iriya no Sora UFO no Natsu #Torikago Miko to Seiken no Kishi #Kidou Shitsuji #Ankoku Kishi wo Nugasanaide #light novels #Light novel reviews #Reading log #Shinichi Kimura #Fujimi Fantasia Bunko #Mizuhito Akiyama #Dengeki Bunko #Takeshi Matsuyama #Izuki Kougyoku #Fumiaki Maruto #Reki Kawahara

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h-lovely · 6 years ago

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If you feel like, I'd love 3, 5, 6, 10 for Similar Creatures 💙

3. Which part of [Similar Creatures] was hard to write?

Let’s see…it’s not necessarily a certain part or scene that I would consider hard to write, but an overall atmosphere and theme of the story. It’s tough, I’ve learned, to write a believable fic that involves sex-workers as well as romance. Of course, it’s a work of fiction and an AU based around a very fictional movie/premise. But I’ve really found it difficult to do the story and characters justice. Do I want it to come off cheesy and over-romantic? Honestly, sometimes I do. As a writer you can’t please everyone, but I’m trying to make it as realistic as I can with the premise I’ve given myself. Hopefully I’m somewhat succeeding!

5. Did you make an outline for [Similar Creatures]? Did you stick to it?

At first, no. I didn’t have an outline exactly, but I knew what I wanted to have happen and what scenes from Pretty Woman to keep and what to add and play around with. I had a laundry list of ideas, but no outline for the first several chapters. Recently I’ve had to make a timeline for myself just so I can remember what day it is in each chapter and how many days have passed, but it’s still very basic with only a few major bullet points.

6. Which scenes did you cut, and which were added in [Similar Creatures]?

Obviously, if you’ve read the fic or watched the movie it was inspired by, you know which scenes are true to Pretty Woman and which are of my own creation. I knew from the get-go which scenes I absolutely wanted to emulate (ie: the business dinner and the bathtub scene) but mostly I’ve written a mash-up. Oikawa and Iwaizumi at the gym verses the ballroom, the rooftop garden party verses the polo match, things like that. Of course, I’ve also added some scenes in, like Iwaizumi’s interactions with Kyoutani and Hanamaki and Matsukawa. And, as if we could forget, The Bar.

10. What are some facts readers may not know about [Similar Creatures]?

There was a time, albeit briefly, where I thought about their role’s being reversed and having Oikawa hustling Iwaizumi. That quickly went out the window though, and boy am I glad I’ve written it the way I have. I think it just really works.

The original working title was “I Feel It Coming” (now the title of the first chapter) but oh how I love to “title drop” in dialogue or exposition, so “Similar Creatures” was born.

Looking up all the yen conversions and doing the math while Oikawa and Iwaizumi were negotiating was a little tedious, but eye-opening.

Originally I was going to have Kageyama in Ushijima’s role, but who am I kidding the implied previous Ushioi stuff was too good to pass up. Also, then I could have that nice little Karasuno cameo. (Which btw, I imagine Oikawa and Suga are definitely friendly outside of work, but a good rivalry is hard to come by.)

10 Questions Every Fic Writer Secretly Wants to be Asked

#ask meme #thanks for asking!#it was fun #annakanezawa #h.lovely writes #fic: similar creatures

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figjelly · 7 years ago

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On grammar: if rules are arbitrary, why follow them?

Welcome to this week’s addition of Advice Nobody Asked For (ANAF). Every Monday I’ll post something regarding writing work I’m doing and some advice I have regarding my current experiences. It’s been a hot minute since the last ANAF because my life changed drastically so my time comes at a high premium (more so than before). This morning, I was editing a new chapter to send off to my editor and realized a new, small something about grammar and what makes writing “correct.” Long post under the cut:

I am not a licensed “expert” on communication and language, but I’d like to think I’m better than an expert because being rabidly fanatic about “facts” comes part and parcel with being an expert. I am, of course, speaking from my time in academia. But I suspect most people would consider experts as having a great deal of formal education from an institution. I’m not a zealot when it comes to disciplines. I’m discerning and critical. Unrelated to this ANAF, I probably made a lot of people hate me in academia for the same reason I’m not religious: I don’t have what it takes to blindly follow and be part of an assembly line. That is neither here nor there. All you need to know is, I’ve got a crap ton of formal education and applicable experience when it comes to writing. Anyway, you probably had at least one language arts teacher during your education who was hard on grading when it came to grammar. Maybe they knew a lot. Maybe they knew like one or two rules that they were really intent on making sure you fixed. Some of these rules might have looked like:

Don’t split infinitives.

“Ain’t“ is not a word because it breaks down into “are is not”

Never start a sentence with “but.”

These are popular adages that I grew up with anyway. I’m really pleased to see tumblr engaging with the ideas of descriptive vs prescriptive language. Just take a moment to at least read the brief descriptions of those wiki pages because it’ll become important for the rest of this ANAF. I am a hardcore descriptionist. Anytime something involves telling me how things should happen, I’m immediately skeptical and want to know, “Okay, why should X happen?” A great deal of “shoulds” in life end up being social norms that are trying to wash out the richness of variation in human behavior. Communication is a human behavior. Language is a type of communication; therefore, it is a type of human behavior. Did you notice that pretentious semicolon I threw into that previous sentence? It would have be equally intelligible as “Language is communication so it’s a behavior too.” That, my friends, is what I like to call Ash’s Law of If You Can Understand What the Hell was Just Communicated to You, It’s All Good. Language is a living, dynamic tool. That is what it is. I’ve spent over a decade studying language from sociolinguistics to ethology to cognitive neuroscience. To me, if it works then congrats, it counts. But how does all of this pertain to writing? My editor @nuwanders is probably the most talented and patient person I know. Why? Because the amount of TED Talks I give when commenting on her edits would drive any other person mad by this point. Over the years, I’ve become more aware that without great characters and characterization, complicated plots are just Sudoku puzzles and, man, do I hate Sudoku. That’s not to say Sudoku is awful--it’s just not how I want to spend my time. I’m the same way about crossword puzzles. I like the idea of how small details can be put into such complicated but richly ordered puzzles. I just sorta, kinda hate being patient with them. So, characters is where I land for how to start a story. I often write in first-person POV. Sometimes I’ll opt for third-person, limited POV. It’s easier for me to engage with my own work. My editor and I will often go back and forth on these issues:

Character dialogue isn’t grammatically correct.

Story that is not dialogue isn’t grammatically correct.

Somewhere I completely fucked things up and the back and forth is me going, “oh shit, so sorry, yes you are completely right ugh why did I make such a simple mistake???”

Okay, okay, #3 happens but it still embarrasses me to slip into wrong verb tenses (I often flip between present and past tense because my brain is usually in five different places on a good day and who knows why I do things). I know all sorts of verb tenses. I know the difference between present perfect and future perfect conditional. INSERT PLUG ABOUT HOW LEARNING OTHER LANGUAGES HELPS YOU BE A BETTER WRITER HERE. That all-caps plug was intentional btw. #1 is usually a short conversation where I explain that character A isn’t as formally educated as character B or that character C just “doesn’t talk like that.” It’s easier to make a descriptive case for a descriptive instance. #2 is more complicated. Let’s say there exists a character named Lita. She is clever although lacks a formal education beyond primary schooling. She reads a lot, works at a grocery store, and enjoys participating in community theater. If I had to tell a story about Lita, regardless of plot and her objectives, those small, background details need more fleshing out. Why? Because the details of those smaller, inconsequential items informs me how I need to report Lita’s story to an audience. Lita only exists in my head. I am trying to communicate to people a whole new world that exists only in my thoughts. That doesn’t mean that some of the thoughts won’t be easier to communicate. We all know what reading is. I don’t have to explain that process. But it does matter what type of reader Lita is. Fleshing out this detail will tell ME as the writer how I need to report Lita’s thoughts to you. If I write in first-person: “I picked up the book, read a few chapters, and then went to bed.” This tells me that Lita is a casual reader who probably isn’t too invested in critical theory of literature. I’d have a hard time convincing someone with that sentence alone that Lita was reading a hard science fiction novel. I’d have an easier time convincing you that it was a romance novel. If I wrote: “I picked up the book, got a few chapters read and then finally made the decision to go to bed.” There’s kinda a problem here. It communicates the same information as the first example, but the grammar and structure of the sentence--the way I’ve decided to report to you how Lita reports her information to me--that kinda makes that sentence a little harder to swallow. (Not really the point but I can explain if anyone asks why I’d say that). Having a name for a rule is a language “hot key” for being able to point out when something seems off. To be quite honest, it took me longer to write sentence #2 than it did sentence #1 because breaking the rule is hard for me now. Parallel structure in a sentence with a list of items simply makes the information parse easier for me. It’s a case of X, Y, Z that I’m then able to use to create a voice for my character. I just need to be able to keep X, Y, Z in mind. And that’s really why knowing the rules helps you break them: it helps create a louder voice for your character, really allows them to shine through so the story isn’t just the writer’s report of what the character is doing in their particular environment. Let’s see if I can’t make Lita a little more real:

“I picked up the book, gently sliding the bookmark from between two page to place it on my nightstand. Deciding to read a few chapters, I sat up straight and felt myself smiling at title of the next section. Lost Love. These sorts of chapters were my favorite. That moment when two lovers reconnected, their emotions so complicated that the only thing they can say to one another is, ‘You’re looking well. How’ve things been?’ But after three hours of getting sucked in, I realized how late it was and finally made the decision to go to bed.”

There’s a little mix and matching going on here, but knowing the rule of parallel structure helps me as a writer focus on something more important (i.e. the basics) so I can break it apart to make it more interesting. It’s easier on me to organize and plan if I use rules so I can help make the report of a fictional character’s thoughts easier to communicate. Sometimes fictional characters don’t report to us in grammatical ways because we, as writers, are privy to their stream of consciousness (which is decidedly not grammatical). Our thoughts come to us in stranger ways than language. Lita might only report to me that dealing with an angry customer in ways that are 0% words--frustration, heat (body temp), and the need to get away from a situation. That’s not a great way to report things. An example: “Hot. I’m hot. Idiot. I know the rules. Yelling, heart races, pound pound. Leave leave leave idiot need to be doing other things idiot stop yelling.” That is a very hard report of an internal world to follow. BUT depending on the character, it might be effective to break rules of punctuation and clarity of action. You might have a character whose self-report breaks down so much that you, as the writer, are simply forced to transcribe and little else. It’d be effective for creating a character who might dissociate in stressful situations or whose suffered an injury so severe the pain sort of takes over all organization. I can’t tell you when or what when it comes to using such a strategy but I can use rules (again, language hot keys to quickly point out something that is different from expectations) in order to try and figure out why or how using or breaking a rule is effective. In that stream example above, I can say that lack of punctuation makes me feel uneasy. Punctuation is a rule we use in writing to help organize and transition thoughts. I know how to use punctuation to sound pretentious (see: that semicolon above). I know how to limit how many words might occur between punctuation in order to create quick actions (short, choppy, active voice sentences are good here). But, more importantly, when I know the rules and have really internalized them as second-nature, I don’t spend as much time worrying about how to apply the rules. Instead, I can work on figuring out when and why I should or should not use a rule. Rules are arbitrary in the way that social rules are arbitrary--they’re pretty meaningless devoid of context. We follow rules because we don’t live in vacuums. Deviations from rules come with consequences, effects. Following rules also has consequences, effects. Knowing the rules allows you to become good at examining the effects of following the rules. When you deviate from rules, it gives you an opportunity to then compare and contrast the effects. So, what if you don’t know a rule? Imagine a social situation where the rules are much different than what you’re comfortable with. You might try different things based on what you do know, but without having the internalize, first-hand experience, it’s going to be rocky. You’ll probably have difficulties pointing to exactly why things seem so hard, why you can’t improve (improvement being individualized, of course). Then, imagine some at this particular social situation says, “You tend to show your teeth a lot while smiling. It’s unnerving.” Et voila! (Yes, I’m too lazy to get the accent mark, excuse the rule-breaking). Now you know to smile without showing so much teeth! Things are a bit smoother now! And guess what? Now that you know that people find the whole “smiling with teeth” thing unnerving, guess what you have? If you wanna tell a story about a strange encounter you had with someone, you can smile with teeth to report that you were unnerved while dealing with the stranger! Example: “So, the entire time, this guy is just staring at me so I’m just like, please please go away.” And then you smile with some teeth to show nervousness, unease. BAM! New Hot Key Unlocked! Grammar and writing work much in the same way. Grammar is a fancy way of saying “language hot keys.” Poetry is a really good example of how knowing rules allows you to break it into interesting ways because poetry is concerned with how things sound as well. There are rules for the sounds our mouths make, what’s pleasing to hear (consonance) and what’s not (dissonance). But poetry also has interesting grammatical rules as well. Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass is a great example of how breaking well-known rules can produce something distinct and unique. So, I’ve rambled quite a bit. I’ll leave it at that for now but I’m always happy to field questions.

#anaf #thank you for coming to my ted talk #writing #writing advice

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bluecoloreddreams · 7 years ago

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Oh man I would 100% love some DVD commentary on your latest chapter of down in the valley!!!

HOOOOOO BOY that chapter, huh?! This is pretty long, a little rambling-- if I didn’t cover anything specific anyone wanted to hear about, let me know!

Right off the cuff, I want to talk about how excited I am over everyone’s reactions to Lucretia post-fight. I was so worried about how this chapter’s reception would be-- I expected a lot of angry comments, a lot of frustration and sadness, and like? yeah, sure! But most everyone was completely blown away by Lucretia standing up for herself and that was a really important narrative choice I’d made and I’m so glad it paid off.

This chapter was so hard to get right in so many ways. This fight was planned from draft one-- the issue with Raven’s Roost and Lucretia’s involvement is a plot point in Quantum Entanglement, and in QE it never gets addressed with Magnus himself (bc QE only covers until Crystal Kingdom, obviously).

I could have chosen to make them not the same continuity, but I enjoy working with a Lucretia who’s continued to fuck up relationships, especially deeply special ones, simply because of her shortsighted determinations. I also really enjoy the parallels she ends up having with the other characters by having that failed marriage. So since I chose to have this be in alignment with QE, the Raven’s Roost thing had to be addressed, even though it’s not even happened in what’s been published of QE. (What’s linear storytelling? I don’t know her.)

There’s literally no universe where that conversation went well, but there’s a draft where it went worse. My first few drafts of their fight were all dark, dreary, and absolutely hopeless.

All the fight went out of Lucretia in early drafts, and she just... broke. She broke in ways that wasn’t fixable, nor was she willing in those drafts to weaponize her own rough edges. I was so blocked on how to resolve this: nothing I did stuck. No matter what characters talked to her, no matter what she decided or I tried to guide her into doing, she didn’t stay with it. The narrative would drift back into her broken, desperate state.

A note about my writing process: it’s 100% not in order. This chapter’s draft predates the opening chapter. While it was not the first scene written, it was one of the earliest, and is on the document entitled “dogsonthemoon″, which is the first-first draft of this fic. So when I got stuck on this fight, I just went back and wrote the stuff that led up to it.

As I wrote the things that led up to the fight-- namely how she interacts with Lup, with Magnus, with the others, I started thinking that, hey.

Maybe this fight is unnecessarily sad?

It of course, needs to be addressed, and Magnus was always going to be mad-- no matter how well Lucretia described it, because he sees it as an invasion of a life that was extraordinarily personal to him, because that’s all he had for a long time and even when he has his memories back, it’s still an experience that’s precious and extraordinarily personal to him.

Where Taako (wrongfully) feels like Lucretia should have stepped in and interfered with his shit re: Glamour Springs, Lup, and realizing his life was a trash fire, Magnus feels like Lucretia should have stayed the fuck away if she was going to remove herself from him (this is going to be addressed in upcoming chapters). He’s angry-- he has a right to be angry.

But Lucretia does too, because what happened was a mistake. It’s a complex issue that as I continued to write the story, it got more complex. Lucretia started to grow weary of being treated poorly for her mistakes; Magnus was a lot more open about how he felt about her-- early drafts did not have him as open with her as he is in fic, nor as willing to reach out to her. Lucretia was not as forthright with her emotional state, or with her well-being, nor was Lup around to be a friend to her.

As the story grew closer to this conflict, it became more and more apparent that not only was my draft not salvageable if I wanted to reach the ending I had in mind, but it was also... unnecessarily hard on the characters.

I got a comment courtesy of @ruffboijuliaburnsides about wanting Lucretia to end up whole, and I sat and thought about it and why my draft wasn’t working and it was very clear that that was the reason why, she was still missing something that was necessary to forgive herself and move past how the others treated her. (This is why you should always comment on stuff, just btw, you never know what earth shattering revelations you might impart on your local fic writer.)

I went about fixing it, mostly by having her chat with Merle and think about how she interacts with others and the scene with Lup and Lucas is really important in that not only does Lup get angry about how Lucas treats her, but continues to support her even after she tells Lup her secret.

I wanted to create an environment where Magnus could get mad and lash out but Lucretia could also manage to pick up from it. I think it worked pretty well! I kept a lot of Magnus’ dialogue, just changed Lucretia’s reactions.

From here, it’s just an issue of getting them to come to terms with what happened and chatting about it! For those interested, this is the failed draft!

#Mitkun writes stuff #Mitkun has a life #I forgot my point here I'm so sorry #emi--rose

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disarmingly · 8 years ago

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fanfic asks i’m going to post answers in numerical order as i got some numbers asked twice which is cool but i definitely am the idiot who will lose track if i don’t do it in number order! also i’ll throw it under a read-more bc i tend to get rambly and so it all gets quite long! like seriously i apologize i wanted to give it my all but like i may have written too much >_<;;;

i'm gonna preface with: i was confused by these first two because i thought is this the same question but then figured maybe 3 was ff and 4 is not ff? T_T;;;;

3 [ name three favorite writers ]

the truth is i admire a lot of people and not all of them actually post their work unfortunately. however, xiajin ( @j-ungah) is one who does, for which i am very grateful. it's easier though for me to say the THINGS i like best i.e. i really admire people who do humor in…how do i say it? ah well it's best for me when it's fluid within other feelings -- like the lightheartedness makes the punches and ups and downs of other aspects of their stories just shine? i am fairly unskilled with lightness/humor and i am repeatedly and eternally in awe of people who weave that facet of the heart into their narratives so believably. ^^;; i also admire what i think of as a seven-sense experience -- which is to say something about a writer whose descriptions dialogues and everything in-between??? create a thing i feel hear smell taste see, yes, but also a thing i dream, i thing i wake up to or from….that kind of suspension of my reality. ^^;;; which just smacks of escapism i know hahakjsfsdlfds OTL but it is what i like! some other part of why i don't have a lot of names rn is that when i'm focusing on writing i don't read as much fic? and on the flipside when i'm not trying to write then i read like everything under the sun thrice over ^^;;; but i've been in writing/trying to write-mode since i posted This Time Around so…yeah!

4 [ name three authors that were influential to your work and tell why ]

this is really hard! but i left out one writer on my past book rec list so i'll mention him here. john steinbeck! i know that most people/schools/etc tout him for grapes of wrath T_T;;; but like….i tried really hard to like it for a friend who is basically married to that book and i just…couldn't? i tried with of mice and men too but that book is like being beaten up by the written word and no one to patch you up afterward. but. BUT! let. me. tell. you.

east of eden

this book is falling apart like i've read it until it's shreds and i don't wanna give up the copy i have because like…i have so many notes in it? i have dates written down and things i don't remember ever writing or what they reference but getting a new one would be like…idk i can't do it yet. i'll have to soon just bc i carry it around everywhere and i need it but..this book, warrants steinbeck being mentioned in and of itself. if you haven't read it, i cannot rec it enough. like i am not honestly a huge fan of anything outside of fantasy or science fiction but this is my exception. no amount of applauding is going to do it justice. but suffice to say he's got this wickedly good balance of ideas, execution, emotion, and rationale and i just feel so much it is a book that HURTS and yet i kind of…what's it like? it's like if it took me years and years to climb a tree just to see what i can see from the top, then learning to climb back down. sitting under that tree. feeling…like a conversation happened?

T_T i ramble but yeah. john steinbeck's east of eden.

other than that: diana wynne jones, CLAMP (cries forever), cs lewis

6 [ how did writing change you? ]

before i wrote i drew and i painted, which i find hilarious now because lolololol what IS visual art, it’s hard work and talent hybridized with quality hearts (me: /stares at all my fave fanartists for real) kdsfdsfdlsfjlds but yeah uh writing happened because i loved reading. i thought: these things make me feel less displaced in the universe, if only a little. ah well, more to the point, writing in and of itself changes me in every day life almost to a fault: i think a LOT about what i say, even when i’m perceivably rambling. i over-think it too. writing in every-day life makes even the most awkward cat potato (me) better able to hold a normal conversation, which come to that isn’t the MOST important thing, but it is a thing that changed because before writing i basically stood still and tried to hide in my own shadow (unsuccessfully btw.) now i stand very still, hope no one talks to me, but am able to at least talk back if they do ^^;;

if this question means how did ff writing change me otherwise...is it stupid to say on several times, writing ff has saved me? is it melodramatic? probably. i think it does though. i’ve said several times i don’t do wonderfully in-person (ability to converse even so) and it’s painfully true. i don’t know that i believe i ever will. i’m in plainest terms, too afraid. ff writing has given me opportunity to connect with people despite my shortcomings in this way though. sometimes someone says they related to a certain thing or they feel content or a familiar sadness but not in a bad way and that is So Much to me. like can you imagine being in complete darkness and seeing a small light in the sky or the ground or the sea suddenly? that’s what those are.

so writing is helping me change, i hope, from someone who has had the growing fear of being lost forever, to being a little less lost, a little less unworthy. to be fair, writing in and of itself for me is often a lost feeling but those sparks of Found are irreplaceable and whether they happen when i write or when someone responds to the writing, i carry them with me to the best of my ability. because they’re precious. because i need them. and i’m grateful.

writing separate from ff is something i also hope will change me, but i have yet to figure out a way to share that and for now i have a lot of stories on my Intentions to try to actualize, so my side poetry is a sidecar project and that’s okay.

11 [ do you listen to music when writing? ]

yes! in fact i tend to make playlists for my stories when i’m done usually consisting of what i listened to….even if that's a silly thing to do ^^;; i think about sharing them sometimes haha but it’d be linking a bunch of youtube links so idk if that’s dumb sdlkedfsoijlefdjoslk sometimes it’s bangtan and often it’s movie scores i.e. ghibli stuff ....oh and video game osts too!!! a hodgepodge!

12 [ favorite place to write ]

home because i need as much control over my environment as possible. i honestly don't understand how people can get any writing done outside in the city because it's like one massive attention-deficit lmfdlsfdsfkdsjl but kudos to the people who can…!

13 [ hardest character to write ]

LMFSLKFUOIJWFLSK gosh um…i think for me the way i would phrase this is that the character i am most nervous writing??? yoongi. he features predominantly in my writing because i find his transparency about his journey(s) relatable and something to always be grateful for. unfortunately being relatable presents the ever present pitfall possibility of projecting onto someone, which i don't want to do. even when writing him as a character, i still want him to resonate true to the real deal in as much as possible in the world created or the canon suggested. i want to do right by him, very badly, and for better or worse that means i can almost never enjoy writing him because i'm so worried the whole time. the moment of peace is when i either post or delete, but both leave an uneasy feeling if i'm honest, and perhaps that's always going to be true -- with my favorite people and my favorite ideas i guess.

14 [ easiest character to write ]

like 13 i'm cheating and changing this to the character i'm least anxious writing and that would be namjoon. i love him a lot but for whatever weird reason i'm not having heart palpitations every time i have to write a line of dialogue for him. is it because i've watched and read everything of him the most? not really. i think i've re-visited more kookie things out of all of the ot7, but namjoon has a vibe i get, a wavelength i'm on almost all the time and i can't quite explain it since it's not like i'm talking about a person i personally Know. but what i mean is, i feel like i do? he makes me feel comfortable with him at the colloquial level both verbally and emotionally so i don't overthink him as much as i do say yoongi, jungkook, and hoseok -- all beloved but also sharp points of vulnerability for me.

17 [ favorite AU to write ]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh….well. the way it's phrased it feels like it means ongoing AU??? which would be time and again drabbles supplementary to This Time Around (the initial oneshot).... (even tho from hereon out everything else will transpire BEFORE the current chapter up lololololol way to be confusing right) but if it just means like what universe, period, huh gosh. all your stars are my stars too au probably.

20 [ favorite character to write ]

i CAN'T pick

21 [ least favorite character to write ]

i don't have one unless you count 'difficult' as leas favorite but that's really not true for me s-so...

22 [ favorite story you’ve ever written ]

?_? ahhh the story closest to my heart? tie between all your stars are my stars too verse, and this time around verse. haha i keep picking those two but honestly despite being two very different worlds the pulse is actually the same.

23 [ least favorite story you’ve ever written ]

so far away

still disappointed in myself because to this day i don't know what i can do to make it better i just know it could be and it's so specific i just don't look at it anymore. it is by far the one i've revised the most and i'm sure that's weird haha...but it means so much to me...if it was a friend in my past, this story would be the friend i should have done more for, didn’t, couldn’t, and will regret until i can either come up with an answer or just have to square with said regret and say we don’t always get it the way we want it. hm. i admit when i posted it i hoped i’d be less disappointed with myself over time, but apparently not so.

24 [ favorite scene you’ve ever written ]

T_T no idea … do you have one, anon? /waves white flag/ i guess i'm just cheating through all these asks OTL forgive me but i guess a favorite would be any scene that a reader feels connected with them/resonated personally or moved their feelings into a place or shape they didn't expect but are okay having?

25 [ favorite line you’ve ever written ]

sjflkfesdipokleds /covers face/ im really sorry i just don't…have one…ah...i can’t look too closely...but i always appreciate when readers have favorite lines and copy paste them to me any given time like it’s so nice? ;_; it’s so nice ahhh

26 [ story you’re most proud of ]

since i kinda hard passed the last two with this one huh like i guess if i can qualify this as 'story i consider deleting the least often' that would actually probably be my ONE vmin fic i wrote so far -- sidereal -- lmfdlskfdsfjdsl sidereal -- and it's not that i think it's especially good but more so that i know/ don't question what i'd change about it because it came together start-to-finish very naturally…and that's funny since i had never written them before.

27 [ best review you ever got ]

listen. every review is the best review T_T seriously every review, every bookmark's notes, every ask….(well as long as it's not mean!) ah is a use of someone else's time they did not have to give me but they did and that? that's huge. fanfic is interesting bc it's a thing done for pleasure but unlike say, fanart, there is no readily apparent way to make it marketable? so i think of those words left as review or ask or whatever… as a manner of wealth, if it makes sense, a currency of kindness motivation/encouragement and hope -- that even if i dislike my writing/ find majority fault within it at the end of the day….. there are people out there who don't dislike it too, which is amazing and a relief.

28 [ worst review you ever got ]

hmmm well tech it wasn't a review but like i have gotten a LOT of asks regarding ... .- ...- . -- . + stardrop that range from disappointment that i wrote/published stardrop at all [i knew it would garner some of this but i have haha had more than i thought] to just flat-out regret for having read any of them in the first place. now, as someone who doesn't see any time in the near future where i'll like my own writing, having someone use the words 'regret reading' are….it's upsetting. i feel silly for how much it gets to me but i'm a weak spiral of a person in many ways, so asks like that send me running to hover over the delete button all the time, not just on that story but every story. but i know LOGICALLY it's just an extreme reaction of mine so i don't follow through but yeah my fight or flight response is very much flight lolololol OTL

as for not that uh probably the smattering of asks that came through when i posted 'follow' …one of which asked why i portrayed jungkook so stalkery (as far as i'm concerned, i didn't. he admires namjoon same as some of us admire our own internet idols or whoever)

32 ... .- ...- . -- . [ alternate title for (insert story title) ]

IN fact i almost called it 'equilibrium' but while relevant that seemed too vague...

33 ... .- ...- . -- . [ alternate ending for (insert story title) ]

jungkook wakes up. jungkook wakes up and he's raining, brings his hands to his eyes and can't stop, can't speak, can't anything but rain. jungkook wakes up, curls on his side, and cries cries cries until he falls back asleep.

a moment later, the door to his room slides open. two pairs of eyes worry after him into the dark where they recognize three things: 1. jungkook may never forgive himself; 2. there is nothing either of them can do about it; 3. when the captain named namjoon and the mechanic named yoongi forced jungkook into an escape pod at just the last second, their intention was to save him but the result is not so simple.

with unpredictable caution, taehyung enters the room, jimin's hand at his back, doesn't bother to speak quietly, well-acquainted at this point with how deeply jungkook dreams, how desperately. biting the inside of his cheek, taehyung shakes his head. "what are we gonna do?" after a moment, he glances to his right as jimin brushes past him to draw jungkook's blankets up more securely around him, combs soft fingers through his sweat matted hair and says,

"the best we can."

38 [ do you reread your own stories? ]

other than to proofread? no! i'm still very immature as a writer so the reality is if i go back to read something i have a 99% likely will delete because i see all the flaws and things i want to do better but don't yet have the skill to achieve??? but i know i can't or shouldn't literally wipe everything away Just Because, so…@_@;;;

40 [ which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series ]

time and again drabbles or this time around

46 [ share a scene of a story that you haven’t published yet ]

the night of taehyung's sorting, jimin jumps out of his place at the table to go meet him but a hand circles around his wrist, holds him there. when he looks down, he finds taemin, all calculated cat expressiveness that reminds jimin of yoongi except taemin has a contradictory warmth about him. yoongi is cool to the look the touch and everything until you get inside him; then he's warmer, jimin would dare say, than he himself is, but so few people know it it's hardly worth mentioning. he blinks. frowns.

"i'm going to say hi."

"no."

jimin pulls. taemin sighs.

"do you think for a second they won't use him against you."

it's not a question and for good reason. jimin sits down again, quiet. hollow, learns at age twelve about thinking ahead and expecting the worst.

if only to protect the very best.

truth be known, he doesn't mind being a slytherin. it's easy to just say no one is trustworthy than to say everyone is. but the history of his family creates a whole additional spectrum of uncertainty. 'park' is so common a name one would think it wouldn't be so obvious except jimin's family has been in and out of the wizarding world papers for quite some time. try as they might to undo a history that predates them by decades, it's hard -- no, impossible. slytherin is one thing. heir is another. wealth. jimin is twelve but the world is much older and his so-called peers fall somewhere in-between.

anyway.

what he wants: to say hello to his dearest friend.

what he doesn't want: to bring said friend trouble, no more than he already has.

jimin looks over at taehyung, watches as hoseok helps him with his baskets and...swallows.

it hurts.

around the middle of the second month taehyung goes missing.

it's yoongi that lets jimin know, which makes jimin feel guilty all over: i should have already known.

"did they say when they last saw him?" he asks, rushing around more than he knows yoongi prefers but yoongi is loyal and yoongi is yoongi; he rushes with him, this way and that.

"hobi says yesterday, supper."

biting his lip until it bleeds, jimin experiences what a person always experiences when he knows this might be all his fault: wrenching self disgust, fear, anxiety that crawls around in the chest and twists around the heart like a curse. but feeling bad won't do anything; feeling bad won't find his best friend (who might not want to be your best friend anymore, his heart whispers and it's cold, it's distant, it's terrifying.) yoongi's hand in the sleeve of his robe jerks jimin to a stop so fast he almost trips, except yoongi holds him up while muttering a spell under his breath, the tip of his wand a sharp tap against jimin's strawberry pin (a thing he wears every day in the knot of his tie.) it lights up briefly, blue.

"if i find him before you, that'll happen."

then yoongi is gone in another direction. it makes sense. the school is offensively massive and jimin has never detested it more in his life.

growing up, jimin lived by the sea and taehyung came to visit him every other summer. they collected seashells and named all the fish they happened to find and made castles they planned to live in one day when they were older.

"this one's your room."

holding up a piece of sea glass shining aquamarine, jimin held it over the sun, turned back to face him and said, "then it's yours too."

the room of requirement is for any given thing. for taehyung he needs a place to be found and for jimin, he needs to stop losing.

it takes him two days to find the boy whose sleeping patterns he knows by heart, the boy whose dreams felt often like his own dreams when they were much smaller; it takes him two days and seven hours and forty-one minutes. but he finds him.

when he opens the door, it's some god sized gift to have taehyung meet his eyes.

it's a human sized gift to receive a careful smile.

and it's everything else to crush him in his arms and breathe him in and keep him there, everything to say,

"i'm sorry."

"me too." a pause. "those strawberries were for you," and the way taehyung says it isn't a guilt-trip. it's just him being genuinely regretful he couldn't give them to jimin the way he wanted to but this makes it that much sharper.

jimin bursts into tears.

that summer they go to taehyung's home and jimin eats every strawberry taehyung offers him, which means he gets fairly sick, but he disguises it as something else as best he can and almost doesn't feel so sick at all anyway when taehyung, wide-brimmed straw hat a halo on his head, laughs a sunrise sound and sings a sunset song. it's very windy during their visit, so jimin lays a charm on taehyung's hat to keep it from flying away.

49 [ writing advice ]

1. don’t give up. -- which for me and i guess a lot of people whether it’s art or just life, is truly the hardest. but i am constantly attempting to apply to writing what i try to apply to my livelihood: this idea that the most contemptible thing to do is to surrender. i was thinking about lord of the rings the other day and trying to figure out who i hated the most 8D;;; because my train was stuck and i was viciously trying to not freak out....anyway i kept thinking of denethor...and he’s not you know out and out a villain but he’s just so vile to faramir and on top of that he has clearly given up. he’s got this twisted saccharine doom about him that is somewhat because he’s lost his mind but he lost himself first.

i know this is a really dramatic mental deviation but it’s what i think about ^^;;; the temptation to give up is constant, it’s not a thing that goes away -- which is why i wrote ‘begin’ to address this idea that sometimes the hardest thing is to start, and then to continue in the face of a trouble that has no permanent cure. the moment you give up you lose you, and of course you lose your art. what’s that cliche??? you can’t get something for nothing. i hope that doesn’t come across condescending or bad. i just know for me i have to yell at myself all the time about it, so that’s why it’s first on the list OTL don’t give up, or in the words of bangtan: no no no not today! ^^

2. i used to believe you couldn’t force writing but i think what the more accurate way for me now is to think: i can’t force Right Writing, like it isn’t necessarily good as i throw it down initially and sometimes that’s as good as it’s going to be until i reach a point in that piece that helps me rebuild/recreate/reword the first parts that i KNEW at the time weren’t very good but couldn’t do more with...like perspective within your own narrative i guess, which can’t be gotten without pushing ahead.

so for example, i disliked everything i had with call and answer from the beginning to the end but the only way i got it all done was to write something every day a paragraph or two maybe, just to get draft one done. then i could look at it the next day to proof-read, put one part before another part, etc, etc, the things that went into making it something i could bear to post. ah so basically if it comes a little naturally that’s awesome but i know for me the most frustrating thing is not being able to control when that happens or why, and since i still want to write, this was my ‘solution’ so to speak -- write it, don’t delete it, look at it in an hour or the next day but move forward even if you’re not 1000% sure with it. like i know this doesn’t work for everyone but it is what has at the moment, kept me afloat. it’s not fun but for whatever reason, it is a method i have employed time to time. 3. write what YOU want to, not what anyone else wants you to (unless it’s like a request you’re fulfilling which case that’s up to you of course!) but in general like....i think there’s a misconception that to write big you have to write for everyone but you can connect to a lot of people by telling a very specific story -- they may not dive into every part, but if there is even one aspect of a story i feel recognized by (a moment, a turn of phrase, the resolution, the problem, whatever) then that’s often enough for me. it’s like with people, we don’t get every part of each other -- even the best of friends, or lovers or whatnot -- but the parts we do get mean so much. same for me with stories.

4. give better advice than me lmfdslkf omg

feel free to send other numbers or if i missed one let me know........omg but you probably wouldn’t want to after this huh? lmdsfijfoklfeds ^^;;; wow if you read all that uh....thank you but also i’m sorry ;; lmfdsojklefds T//////T!!!!! <3 ;3;

#haku shut up #fic asks #save me #this time around #so far away #begin #asks #stardrop #time and again #did any of this make sense #i feel dumb but i spent all this time on it hhfdskf #so i post it #OTL #t///t #hakufail #a potato cat #someone take my tags away from me

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hiruma-musouka · 8 years ago

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If you don't mind a random question. So you said once that you're picky about characterization regarding Madara and Tobirama (MadaTobi, specifically). What's your preferred characterization? What do you think about when you write them/when you're working out characterization in general, if anything? I really like the dynamic you have for them, and I'm curious if there's a process and what it involves, I suppose. Thank you for your time!

I welcome random questions! (I’m just really bad at answering them promptly) That being said, buckle in because you’ve hit on a topic I love and I’m feeling chatty so I basically wrote you an essay.

At this point in my life I’m picky about characterization in general to be honest. It’s not about Madara, Tobirama, or MadaTobi specifically, it’s everyone. I wasn’t always picky (as my reading history will attest) and even now I will sometimes read stuff with characterizations I’m not 100% fond of, but I’ve been reading fanfiction voraciously for well over a decade now. I like to pretend that I’ve developed some taste over that time period. And I tend to read in fads when I find something I like, so name a thing and, if I like it, I probably read several pages of AO3 fics on that pairing/trope/fandom etc.

Even if I sometimes go back and wonder how the fuck I sank a week into reading insert trope. Your tastes change as you age.

Basically what this means is, I have gotten to the point where I’ve really figured out which things are deal breakers for me instead of just reading on and on and wasting my time hoping I can make myself get used to it. I have time management issues and no time turner: I can’t afford to waste precious hours on stuff I’m halfheartedly enjoying.

And for me the ultimate deal breaker has to be the characters.

Plot is excellent, I LOVE good plots because they’re what helps makes a fic engaging and unique (bless astolat for example whose plots keep sucking me into fandoms I’ve never heard of)… but I have to care about the characters. They have to feel right to me.

Now, let me explain what I mean by “the characters have to be right” because I don’t want people to think I’m elitist purist who believes there is ONLY ONE WAY to do things. I wouldn’t love fanfiction if that was true. There are two things I mean by “right” in reference to characters.

ONE: (and this is essential) They have to be people. They do not have to be human. LOOK AT MY FICS! I keep writing non-human characters. I love well done fics about fae. When I say they have to be people, I mean that they have to be nuanced. They need to react like a genuine article of whatever the author is writing. People are complex! They can be straightforward, they can be assholes, they can be sweet, they can be ashamed, they can be kind-but-god-stop-BRINGING-IT-UP-YOU’RE EMBARRASSING-ME… people can be so many things under the sun and that’s what I want to read. I want people.

You know that thing they recommend in writing: “show, don’t tell”? This is sort of part of what I mean. You can’t just say a character is a coward or just explain things to me and have your characters lurch to the plot’s demands. If you’re writing a person, and not just a name on a word document, they’re going to feel different if you know what I mean. If you have ever hear of an author complain about their characters, they’re probably writing people. And this is because characters are stubborn little wretches sometimes! Because what they want to do is not always what the author wants them to do for the plot. One of the really damn hard things about writing is somehow juggling all those assholes into doing what you need them to do. Sometimes it involves reexamining why they’re doing it and just getting into their head a different way. Sometimes it involves switching POVs because their actions feel right but you have no idea why they hell they’re doing it (or at least you have no way to explain it to the readers yet). Sometimes - and this might make you cry - you have to scrap all your hard work and either redo the plot or admit that certain shit doesn’t work with certain characters without being ooc.

All of the above is stuff that comes with time and effort and a bit of talent. Everyone has their own specialties when writing, but regardless of whether you get into a characters head or just write their actions from an omniscient pov, if you’re writing people, I can feel it.

(There are some rare story structures that don’t focus on people, but I’m already up on one soapbox, so we’ll set that detour aside.)

TWO: If you are writing from a canon rather than an original character, they need to feel like that canon character to me. For anyone who’s read fanfiction and had that one moment where you’re like “that’s them! that’s so them!” - this is what I mean.

Now, this is where we get onto the topic of preferred characterizations.

(I’ll use Madara and Toibrama as an example here since that’ll drag me back to your original question.)

I don’t think there’s only one way to characterize people in fanfics, but I like to think of canon as the “core” of a character. Metaphorically, canon is the bullseye on a dartboard of characterization. THAT is what people shoot for when writing. If you get too far away from that bullseye, things feel ooc and you tend to lose your reader. The character feels like someone else with a name slapped on.

BUT (and here’s the awesome thing about fanfiction) everyone has a different interpretation of exactly what that bullseye is and what qualities make up the different layers of the rings around it. For some people one quality is vital, but another can be done in different degrees and still feel in character. This is why (for example) myself, @blackkatmagic, @redhothollyberries, and @elenathehun can all write fics with Madara and Tobirama and they will all feel uniquely, subtly different and yet still in character to all of us. What we feel is in character for those people - what we think of as the bullseye and in inner rings of our characterization - overlaps a lot with enough minor variation around the dartboard for us to all be unique.

This is also why my Madara tends to feel slightly different sometimes in different AUs. When I write, I keep in mind that different backgrounds make slightly different people so the characterization changes slightly. That part is pretty organic for me. I feel it more than decide it and then work out how to explain the difference as I’m writing to make it clearer and more consistent.

So when I say I’m picky, I mean that my idea of traits is defined for them. I have thought about them enough to know what my dartboard looks like so if I read a fic with an interpretation that varies strongly enough from my bullseye, it stops feeling like them to me. Characters that I’m not as familiar with (either as a reader or writer) get a much wider dartboard because I haven’t really made a definitive opinion on them yet so there’s more leeway in how people write them before it throws me off.

This isn’t to say that my way is the best way and that others are wrong, but it does mean that it’s my interpretation of canon and what I feel resonates best as “in character”.

Of course, sometimes it’s fun to read something with a premise that has no evidence in canon - like “what if this person liked X” - but as long as the rest of the characterization holds up, that’s basically how fanfics work and it’s interesting.

So you can see a lot of my preferred characterization in how I write people. Of course, the more I write a person, the better I feel I know them or the more I think about them so sometimes I’ll realize “wait, this feels better” and then that will change my idea of their bullseye for future stuff. That also happens when I read really persuasively good fics, btw.

Now we have your question about my process as these characters specifically. My process for a new character tends to be the same for everyone. If I have read a lot of fics, I tend to draw from those characterizations and what they had in common to get a feel for the person. I will also CONSTANTLY reference the wiki’s personality section because that breaks people down into rough descriptions that I find useful. It also lets me review quickly what they did in the manga and sometimes why which helps figure out how they tick. (I still haven’t had time to read anything but specific sections of the manga, goddamnit…)

Figuring out how characters tick is HARD but very important because knowing how someone ticks is vital to writing AUs. An AU that doesn’t have a lot of similarity to canon makes it easier to be ooc because you’re drastically changing their backgrounds. Conversely, it also means that you can’t forget that changed backgrounds should mean changed characters somehow.

(Case in point: canon Kakashi is massively traumatized. Unless you have another terrible background, coffee shop au Kakashi should be different.)

I also love to discuss characterization with Kat, Elena, Squid, or Holly because active discussion makes it easier to verbalize and consciously realize why one thing feels correct and why (the why is always important) other actions or dialogue feels wrong. Elena is fantastic for me, for example, because we approach characters from different methods so she sometimes verbalizes reasons when I’m stuck or points out things that haven’t occurred to me yet.

If I have the time (and more importantly the chapter numbers), one fantastic thing is to reread sections of the source material with important moments with that character.

And here’s where I developed Madara. A large part of why I started with this character is because blackkat’s writing sucked me in. When I started to write him though, I had to decide how I wanted to write him which meant figuring out what were the “core” elements of Madara’s character. Given that Madara’s canon characterization is… unconventionally written, I basically started by deciding that if I wanted a protagonist then I had to draw from pre-psychotic break Madara. I can look at later Madara too because it’s still helpful for different elements of his character, but such a drastic change means there’s a literal canon option for good versus crazy Madara when you’re writing his characterization.

(I am experimenting with his darker characterization but that’s not as helpful in most of the stories I want to write at the moment.)

So I take the material, I look at the characters and I try to get a feel for what the person is like, how they interact, what underlines the choices they make. Knowing what people value, what they like/dislike, and how they express themselves helps to write not only what they would choose but how they would speak or react.

Madara’s characterization for me ends up being roughly this then >> values family, somewhat open, competitive, teasing, resolute, dreamer, exasperation, reacts/snaps when frazzled, annoyed when people don’t get to the point aka straightforward, skilled (!!!), disciplined, bit blunt, protective, willing to fight and enjoys challenges, and not hateful.

Later events in the manga add in things like ruthless when necessary, does not deal well with being the last man left standing among close family, I definitely think he had depression at one point, respects skill/power, patient if it’s for a purpose, and good at manipulation (if not necessarily inclined to it as a first option since young Madara was terribly to the point and open with Hashirama).

Given how long this is, I’ll stop here, but if there are other points you’d like to ask about or have me expand upon, please feel free to drop another ask! I know I got diverted while on this soapbox, so let me know if you still want Tobirama or anything.

#Characterization #uchiha madara #naruto #about writing #anonymous #asks

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shazzeaslightnovels · 6 years ago

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Reading Log - January 2019

A summary of all the light novel volumes I read this month - along with my thoughts on them. I bought all of these volumes from BookWalker. Most of these series will not be available in English but I’ll try to point it out when I know if one of this series has received an official translation.

Note that, obviously, the following text is just my own opinion so please respect that and if you see anything that I got completely wrong (i.e. I accidentally refer to a character with incorrect pronouns), let me know. I will avoid posting spoilers as much as possible but let me know if I accidentally slip up.

Gamers! 1 by Sekina Aoi (Light Novel):

It was a fairly enjoyable read for the most part but, by the time I had reached the second half, I had lost interest and just wanted it to end. The chapters felt so long and dull and I think shorter chapters would have worked better. The other thing that stuck out to me is that the art is very simplistic and sometimes did not match the text for the scene it was for. I didn’t feel like the art added anything to the volume though I suppose it would have been jarring without it, given the genre of the story. That being said, I liked the characters a lot, including the protagonist and I enjoyed it enough that I’ll probably check out the second volume in the future though I’ll probably watch the anime beforehand to make sure that the story doesn’t go in a direction I don’t like.

Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata 1 by Fumiaki Maruto (Light Novel):

After finishing the Koisuru Metronome spin-off manga last month (which I loved, btw), I finally had motivation to read the light novel. It is really good. The pacing is excellent, there are a lot of funny moments and I love Maruto’s writing style. I do think that this series really needs to give the reader more insight on Katou. I get that part of the charm of the first volume is reliant on Tomoya having no interest in Katou but I want to know about her family and friends (because she must have some that she hung out with before meeting Tomoya) and I want to know what she’s like with them. I watched the anime alongside reading this and I think the events flow smoother in that and there is a lot of really interestingly directed parts (I love the café scene in episode 2) but it loses a bit of funny dialogue which is a shame. I have volume 2 already but I’ll probably wait a bit to read it so that I don’t get burnt out on the series.

Monku no Tsukeyou ga Nai Love Comedy 3 by Daisuke Suzuki (Light Novel):

In my mind, this series has two main charm points: the fun dialogue and the relationship between its’ two leads and it’s the latter that is on full display in this volume. Outside of that, it’s a pretty unremarkable yet enjoyable volume from a pretty unremarkable yet enjoyable series. I have to say that the side story that came with the volume on BookWalker is adorable though. As an aside, I recommend this series for people who are learning Japanese. It’s pretty easy since most of it is just dialogue and there aren’t many places that can trip you up.

Otome Game no Hametsu Flag Shika Nai Akuyaku Reijou ni Tensei Shiteshimatta... 2 by Satoru Yamaguchi (light Novel):

This volume is just as entertaining and hilarious as the first but it also surprised me. While the first volume could’ve been described as ‘predictable yet fun’, this volume had quite a few events that I didn’t see coming and, more than that, it was interesting. When I got to the main chapter, I couldn’t stop reading. It was that good. Katarina continues to be an amazing protagonist and the rest of the characters are just as enjoyable. In particular, this volume introduces to new characters and I won’t talk much about the second because spoilers but I loved Maria and I ship her with Katarina so much. I will warn that this series suffers from originally being a web novel will little editing been done during the conversion to being a light novel series in that most of the chapters are episodic so, when you get to the main chapter, it feels disconnected from the rest of the volume and is way longer than any of the other chapters.

J-Novel Club is currently releasing the volumes in English under the title of My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom! so please pick it up if the series interests you.

Otome Game no Hametsu Flag Shika Nai Akuyaku Reijou ni Tensei Shiteshimatta... 3 by Satoru Yamaguchi (light Novel):

Welp, I suppose it was about time that this series had a volume that I didn’t love. The first chapter was pretty good but there wasn’t a whole lot in the later chapters that I liked. The new characters introduced this volume were interesting enough but I’d have rather have spent time with the characters I already love. Plus, I would’ve been fine with this series ending in the previous volume though admittedly the series probably wouldn’t have been as popular if it had and I might not have read it in the first place. I’m not really a fan of romance series and I feel like this volume is trying to steer the series into becoming more of one and I hope that the following volumes bring back the things that make me enjoy this series and I love the cover for vol. 4 so I’m sure it will (Katarina, charging while Jeord and Sora are all ‘slow down, dumbass!’).

Thinking about, if Katarina ends up with anyone, I want it to be Maria. They definitely have the sweetest and cutest interactions but, if I’m being realistic because it almost impossible for this series to go the yuri route, I’d prefer Nicole over the other guys. He won me over in the first volume when he gave Katarina a necklace modelled after one that a character in a book had and he’s been consistently good since then. He really cares for Katarina and I think she’d be happiest with him. Keith and Alan are also good options but I don’t get the appeal of Jeord.

Monku no Tsukeyou ga Nai Love Comedy 4 by Daisuke Suzuki (light Novel):

Sekai doesn’t actually have a whole lot of scenes in this volume which made is boring since her relationship with Yuuki really is the stand-out of the series and Kurumi and Haruko are pretty dull. The last chapter was interesting though.

Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata 2 by Fumiaki Maruto (Light Novel):

This volume seemed to drag on longer than the first but I did really enjoy the climactic scenes with Utaha and I loved the short dialogue-only interaction between Katou and Eriri. There’s a lot that I want to say about this series but I’m waiting and hoping that the series will prove me wrong before I do so. For now, I’m just wanting for this series to show more interactions between the characters without Tomoya. I will say that I think the anime is slightly better than the light novel series so far. It has it’s problems, like it has a lot of times where a male gaze-y perspective is used and it’s unpleasant but I think it succeeds in the most important way: it makes me forget about Katou’s existence. It’s hard to make Katou forgettable in a dialouge-focused text-based series and the manga doesn’t even try to do it but the anime takes advantage of it’s format and successfully uses certain camera angles to make Katou less noticeable.

Monku no Tsukeyou ga Nai Love Comedy 5 by Daisuke Suzuki (light Novel)

Easily the most entertaining volume of the series so far, to the point where I wanted to immediately buy vol. 6 when I finished it (I didn’t because I like to wait for sales but the temptation was there). I can’t talk about this series a lot because the first volume has a twist that most readers won’t see coming so I don’t want to spoil it for them but I will say that I usually find the characters who aren’t Sekai or Yuuji to be boring but I actually liked them in this volume, probably because they interacted with Sekai while usually they just interact with Yuuji. I will also say that I think the structure of this series would have worked better in a eroge or galge. The structure actually reminds me of Asairo’s structure more than anything else and it kind of works in light novel format but it feels like it was meant for a route structure.

Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata 3 by Fumiaki Maruto (Light Novel):

My favorite thing about this volume is that Tomoya was never insulted or shamed for liking otome games. He also gets to cry a bit near the end of the volume and male protagonists showing emotions other than anger is always nice (note that the anime down-playes this and I’m super bitter about it. He hardly cries in the anime but in the light novel, he full on bawls to the point where he has trouble speaking) . Eriri got the bulk of development this time around and I think it was well done. I really liked the scene with her and Tomoya at the end. A new heroine, Izumi, is introduced in this volume and I think she has the potential to be an interesting character. She’s, unfortunately, used to generate boob physics in the anime and the manga (to be clear, the manga is much worse than the anime in this regard) and she’s a middle schooler so that’s… uncomfortable, to say the least. I hope she uses her earnings from Comiket to buy a decent bra... I didn’t care much for Iori in the volume but I thought he was hilarious in the anime adaptation and I kinda ship him with Tomoya tbh.

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