#devastated for poor alex and his voice

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

oh god the last 24 hours have been a LOT

[reginamillls]

knock knock! trick or treat! :)

put trick or treat in my inbox for some writing

Let me go. Let me go. "Alex, love, we need to go-" Henry's hand briefly touches his shoulder, a fleeting graze when before it would have been sure, but now it's hesitant.

It's just another change.

"I need to finish this translation," Alex mutters, voice tired. He doesn't turn around, doesn't shrug away Henry's touch or his concern, he stopped doing that weeks ago.

There's a slight sigh, but Henry doesn't move, and Alex can feel the argument coming.

"You should sleep-" Henry tries and Alex slams his head against the table, turning around sharply to stare up at Henry's startled expression.

"How can I sleep when June is dead!" Alex shouts, standing so abruptly that his chair clatters to the ground. He's up close to Henry, close enough that he can feel the heat of Henry's skin.

Close enough to see the devastation in his eyes.

"That book is dark," Henry says, voice tight. "June wouldn't want that."

"She's not here to argue now is she," Alex bites back, voice harsh. For a second time, Henry flinches but Alex can't find it in him to back down, not when feeling anger is so much better then feeling nothing.

"You cant say anything Henry-" Alex says and Henry looks like he wants to argue, and before arguing with Henry would be fun, it might even lead to something more fun, but now?

Now Alex just wants to be left alone.

"You were her Watcher," Alex reminds him, voice low and Henry takes in a sharp breath. "A watcher helps the Slayer, not let her die."

Henry's eyes were wet and Alex knew he had gone too far. There's a voice screaming at him deep down, telling him to stop, that Henry was only looking out for him, but the voice sounded like June.

June has been dead for three months now.

Sacraficed herself for the world, and Alex didn't have the time to just sit and wait while she suffered in Hell.

He had to get her out, no matter what.

"Good night Alex." Henry gets out, his chin held high, a poor attempt to hide the hurt that Alex put there.

Alex watches Henry leave, his steps hurried. Before he might have chased after him, but Alex doesn't have the time to, not when he feels so close to getting June back.

The book calls to him, promising him that he's close and Alex picks up his chair and resumes researching.

He's so close.

I'm coming for you June.

[drdemonprince]

oh my god can i get trans masc self infantilization for 500 alex

Quick hate read of this piece:

my relationship to gender was mediated (isn’t it always) by capitalism. I could not meet��another trans man who could tell me how to behave, but I could shop for one. I could buy distilled trans expertise, and tell myself I was putting money back into “the community;” I was engaged in political action, redistributing my middle-class cash to support people I had never met, but whose welfare was, nonetheless, my business.

oh my fucking god Jude buying a huge crop of trans books at the local indie bookshop is not political action. I know booksellers who work at beloved indie-progressive bookstores quite intimately so if you haven't heard yet, I'll be the first to tell you: no matter their feminist branding, these places treat their workers like shit and pay them minimum wage. And often these stores are hell to be in for trans femme people.

edit: whoops he didnt even claim to support indie bookstores, it was a chain in a mall wtf

Also, it's baffling to me that a published author like Doyle can claim buying books is somehow redistributing wealth to poor, trans authors. First, wealthy people are widely overrepresented in publishing, and two, the vast majority of published authors never see a single cent of royalites. Over 90% of books never "earn out". You'd be kicking them about $2.50 of a $25 hardcover sale even if they did. stop making your consumption seem righteous dude.

These authors didn’t hate people like me; they didn’t disagree with me or dislike my general aesthetic. These authors literally hated me, me personally, the dude who had recently given them money. 

the ENTITLEMENT!!! How dare these trans authors post openly that they disagree with you and your tepid liberal politics, you bought one of their books and (maybe, but probably not) gave them $3 !!!!

To a shy eleven-year-old boy on his first day of school, which is what I was emotionally and even hormonally at the time, it was devastating. I cried for days. I was on vacation.

a middle aged incredibly well connected man in publishing is pulling "im a little birthday boy -- hormonally" shenanigans. I get that reading critical comments about yourself hurts. I have been there buddy. I've received repeated misgendering, misogynistic criticisms and insults while I was newly on HRT and not even out to anyone! I was also a 30 year old adult man with a career and coping tools. I was not an eleven year old boy. I was not the victim of anything, really, except for my own lack of comment moderation habits at the time.

the amount of real life transphobia i have since lived looms so much larger that little petty online slights doesnt even rank. we're not talking about threats or doxxing here. we're talking people on twitter thinking he shouldnt be the face of trans politics.

because I know who this author is and move in the same circles, I have seen the message of hate that he's talking about. People mostly talk about him sardonically and insult his worst opinions and most hastily-written pieces. That's not even hate. That's just begging him to be responsible in his work and to maybe not write apologia for trans cops (one of the bad takes he was most openly criticized for at the time).

Those guys were my heroes, was the thing. They were the ones I had wanted to teach me how to act. I used to imagine conversations with them, think about what I would ask if I got the chance.

Buddy, you said you literally just discovered these authors mere weeks or months prior, having bought up every book published by a trans guy that you could find. It's not like you had posters of them hanging up on your bedroom wall as a child. And even if you did, youre a grown man in your forties who writes very inane takes. Some critique from your contemporaries comes with the territory and is in fact a compliment. it means people recognize youre a significant cultural voice and they want you to do better!

When I get into conflict with another trans person, when I stumble on the thread where my elders are shit-talking me, I am not looking at my computer. I’m in my math class, after lunch period, hearing the squeak of metal on linoleum as someone drags their desk a few inches away.

your elders??? are you talking about people who are like, three years older than you Jude .I understand that hostile middle and high school experiences bring massive trauma, but holding adults who are intellectually critiquing you, a fellow adult, responsible for the trauma you endured as a teen is so wildly inappropriate and immature that i cant stand it.

It would be one thing if Doyle showed any self-awareness of the disjoint here, and was just talking about being triggered, but he doesnt, not anywhere in the piece. he implies throughout that it's people being mean to him on twitter who are really at fault.

oh my god he likens himself to Isabell Fall later on in this piece i cant

i just cant with this dude hes always taking so many unnecessary Ls and gets hired so fucking much to write about trans experiences when he clearly has next to zero community connections and sense of scale when it comes to the issues we face. its so annoying!!!

[drgngutz]

Cybernetic Soulmate - IV

BEN Drowned x Reader 

Soulmate AU – Implied Female Reader

Meeting with Alex goes over pretty well, thanks to Ben’s instruction. But, something isn’t right. 

Part 3

Masterlist

Benjamin Lawman 

BEN Drowned

You’re almost at your destination after a few very long hours, having to pass through a few States in order to get to the location BEN had told you for the cartridge. Throughout traveling you had been on and off chatting using the connection, too. It was odd hearing such a robotic voice in your head, so monotonous and void of emotion; yet so similar to the one that you used to hear, the human one. You’re somehow still going along with this plan, despite the way your stomach tosses around with each mile passed. 

He’s given you a few things that need to be done so that you can properly retrieve the cartridge. First, you needed to contact Jadusable, or Alex Hall, and set up a time to meet with him using the last name ‘Hubris.’ This, for some reason, would catch Alex’s attention better than a random stranger's name. 

In fact, the name even sounded familiar to you. When you asked BEN about why the surname was so significant, he said he hadn’t known for sure. You didn’t know if your brain was creating a big deal out of nothing, since it was rather late in the evening at that point; but, it sounded like he was being dismissive of your concerns. The nausea that plummeted to the base of your stomach served to keep you quiet. You wanted to throw up from the stress of everything. Couldn’t you get in trouble with using a false name like this? 

Regardless, BEN was right. Alex was quick to reply; the contents of your initial email included the second part of the instructions:

It was quite short, briefly explaining to Alex that you knew how to destroy the cartridge. You were working under the guise that your older brother, named Matt, used to own the cartridge before they both disappeared. That is, until you read Alex’s posts online and made some connections between how similar his and ‘your brothers’ experiences were. That was the most you were allowed to say, though. In BEN’s words, less information was better.

You hated the idea of lying to the poor guy’s face, especially after what you had read online if his story was true, but there was no point in turning back now. You were almost there, had already called out of your upcoming day at work, and agreed to BEN’s deal. 

So, that’s exactly what you did as you sat in front of him in the desolate coffee shop; as the subtle hum of the old electric lighting made goosebumps rise on your skin, you lied to Alex’s face as you nervously sipped at the plastic coffee cup you had ordered for yourself. 

He was young, still in his early twenties, probably not much younger than you; but the way he looked made it seem as if he had aged beyond that point. Dark bags hung beneath his hazel, bloodshot eyes – they showed starkly against his incredibly pale face. His chestnut-brown hair was matted, and he twitched often, hands coming up to scratch at the stubble on his chin or run them through his greasy locks in an effort to keep himself busy. His clothes sported stains, both fresh and old, meaning he hadn’t had a proper change of clothes, or more likely a shower, in days. He couldn’t sit still, and his anxiousness radiated off of him and to you. He hadn’t even touched his coffee, yet. You could feel BEN in the back of your mind, watching your limited interaction silently through the connection. 

“M-Matt–” You struggled to properly get the word out, the name feeling foreign on your tongue. You hoped that you could play it off as just being nervous about having an experience like his. 

“Matt was a good person… a-and our family was devastated when he just… Disappeared.” You let out a shaky sigh, feeling yourself struggle to look at his face. 

“S-So when I saw your post on 4chan, your story was so similar to his that I just… felt it would only be right to reach out and ask to meet with you.” You didn’t dare speak too loudly. Being the only two in the coffee shop made it hard enough to keep the conversation rolling without any awkwardness; it didn’t help that any sudden sounds, whether it be from the television in the corner or the hissing of coffee being brewed, made him jump from his spot. 

“In his diary,” You continued on, “He mentioned he had an idea to destroy it. And, well, I-I think I have a pretty good shot at doing it.” 

“I… Don’t really understand, but…” He starts, eyes flickering to you, then to the television, the lights, the clock, and finally back to you. 

“Y-You can destroy it, right?” The way he was looking into your eyes, almost pleading for some sort of peace that you could offer him, made your heart wrench. He really thought that you were some sort of savior, and here you were tricking him in order to do the opposite. The guilt constricts your windpipe for a moment, and you’re scared he might just see right through your ploy. 

For a moment, maybe you could try to treat the lies you’ve been feeding him as providing him a sense of false comfort; just to make yourself feel better. 

“Yeah, I can.” You hoped that your false confidence was enough to convince him, despite feeling like you were disintegrating on the inside.  

“...Okay.” He doesn’t move for a moment, sighing deeply. You almost think he’s about to run out of the coffee shop from how tense he looks, before he abruptly looks back at you. Holding his gaze, you can see the uncertainty flicker and fade in his eyes when he makes his final decision. 

“T-Take it.” His hand shaking, the cartridge clatters loudly onto the table as he practically throws it at you, making the both of you wince when it disturbs the tense silence. 

He can’t take his eyes off of it once it’s out in the open; gaze practically glued, looking as if he was reliving some horrible memories. You glance at him, then back at the gray piece of plastic that started all of this, feeling yourself hesitating from his disfavorable reaction. Picking it up gently, you can feel BEN’s satisfaction plume within you as you turn it over, revealing ‘MAJORA’ scrawled messily in dark ink. Smoothing your finger over the bumps outlining the sides, you find yourself wondering how something so small could cause such a great big mess. 

When you look back up, Alex is staring at you instead, and you wonder if you had stared at the cartridge too long. 

“Thanks.” Hoping you didn’t blow your cover, you swallow and make a move to get up from the table. 

“Be careful.” He whispers, still staring as you pocket the game. You nod wordlessly, before all but rushing for the door, leaving some money for both coffees on the counter. 

Alex sits at that table, watching as you get in your car as if your life depended on it. He’s wondering if he made a mistake, knowing he had probably rushed through the process in order to be rid of the cartridge. He could already feel the calm settle over him without the ominous presence of the cursed object, but there was one thing still bothering him. 

You didn’t even tell him how you would destroy it. 

Once inside the vehicle, you hurriedly start the engine and pull out of the parking spot, peeling out onto the road and speeding away, back towards your house. 

“I got it.” You glanced at the little gray item that sat on the passenger seat, feeling a threatening aura envelop you every time your eyes landed on it. 

I know. You did good.

Your stomach flips at the positive remark, but you try to ignore it for the sake of your safety; Not trying to get distracted by a simple compliment, and instead focusing on the more problematic topic. 

“He seemed… Really scared.” If BEN couldn’t tell you were nervous, you would be surprised. 

Hm.

You swallowed again, wondering if you should even bother asking the next question. 

“Should… Should I be scared?” You asked anyway. 

No.

He was openly dismissing you, now. You suspected it was because he now had what he wanted. 

You take a deep breath and close the connection, not knowing how to feel about the choices you’ve made. 

Benjamin Lawman 

BEN Drowned

Once home you’re completely exhausted. It’s now very early in the morning, and the first thing you did since returning was set up the console for BEN, as he had asked you to. Everything seemed to be secured properly, all the right wires plugged in from what you could remember. The Nintendo 64 had been sitting and collecting dust for a while now, you didn’t remember the last time you bothered to play the old console.

Good.

Now, play the game. 

The atmosphere drops to something sinister as soon as you read the words on the screen. For some reason, it doesn’t sit right with you, goosebumps crawling over your skin. 

“I… I don’t want to.” You dithered, trying not to let your resolve stray as you stared into the TV screen. 

What?

The word, despite having no tone at all, seems like it's displeased. 

“Can’t you just, I dunno, connect to it?” Rubbing gently over the soulmate mark, you feel the pressure in the room rise at your response, “Since I hooked it up to the TV?” 

No. You must play.

“Why?” You wait. No response. There’s something wrong, something dangerous about what he’s asking you to do. You’re not sure what it is, but the feeling you’re getting from that TV makes you want to run and hide. 

“I’m not going to play,” You hesitate, “I still don’t trust you.” 

Annoying. 

Boring.

You shake your head, a bit put off by him trying to make you feel bad about your decision. 

“I don’t care,” You glare, “You’re not gonna’ make me feel bad about this. I read about all of the things you did online, remember? You can connect: ‘through cables and cords,’ like Alex wrote. You’ve been acting strange ever since I picked up the cartridge.” 

Play the game. 

He’s getting impatient again, you don’t care, being too tired to put up with his attitude any longer. 

“Play it yourself.” You spit, pointing at the console on the ground, “It’s hooked up. I know you can turn it on.” 

I cannot.

“Listen, I’m not letting you drag me into whatever shit you dragged Alex into. He looked like he had been to hell and back.” You huff and put your head in your hands, “I’m literally helping you right now, trying to free you because you asked me to do it for you. Even if it doesn’t benefit me in the end.” 

Flailing your arms around in exhaustion, you almost want to cry again. 

“And with the way you keep treating me, it’s turning out that I probably won’t get anything out of this exchange. Even though you told me you’d hold up your end of the deal.” Turning defiantly away from the screen, you shrug in the direction of the doorway, trying to display your lack of care for the situation anymore. 

“Either turn it on yourself, or stay in there forever for all I care.” 

… 

Are you sure?

“Oh, fuck off, BEN.” You walk off without another word, feeling frustration push itself up and quickly take over your emotional state. 

The mechanical whir of the console turning on makes you scoff, and you glance back one last time to see the starting screen of Majora’s Mask displayed on the TV. 

“Fucking liar.”

Part 5

[adamwatchesmovies]

Cinderella and the Secret Prince (2018)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

There's something particularly devastating about watching a bad movie that could’ve been good if circumstances beyond the filmmaker’s control hadn’t mucked things up. Right before the end credits of Cinderella and the Hidden Prince, we see concept art of what the characters should’ve looked like. They look great. As good as anything Disney has put on-screen. I'm certain the voice actors saw these images and got all excited. I can picture the art director/character designer telling their friends and family about this animated fairy tale they were working on and then dying of shame once they saw the final product.

Ella “Cinderella” (voiced by Cassandra Morris) is forced by her wicked stepmother and step-sisters to work as a scullery maid in her own home. When her mouse friends Alex (Chris Niosi), Manny (R. Martin Klein) and Walt (Tony Azzolino) discover an apprentice fairy godmother in the woods (Crystal, voiced by Kirsten Day), Ella gets the chance to go to the royal ball and meets the kingdom's prince. Unfortunately, Olaf (Stephen Mendel) isn’t a prince at all. He’s a puppet of the Wicked Witch (Stephanie Sanditz), who has transformed the real prince into a mouse!

If you’ve had the misfortune of seeing 2012’s Cinderella 3D, this one’s cut from the same cloth. Ugly characters are REALLY ugly but not in an intentional way. The "handsome" prince has his eyes set just a bit too far apart, making him look like he’s a fish man. Cinderella’s mouse friends (well, two are mice, one’s a hamster) are hideous creatures whose size changes from scene to scene. At best, this looks like a bargain-bin knockoff of Tangled. Most of the time, it doesn’t even reach the level of Happily N’Ever After. Some assets were obviously taken from an animation library because you can see their cycles end in the middle of a scene.

Despite the lackluster visuals, you can picture the movie this could've been if it weren’t trying to tell the Cinderella story. When you think of the classic fairy tale, certain elements come to mind: a poor girl forced to do labor, a fairy godmother and most iconic of all… a crystal slipper left behind at midnight. That last one? not in this movie! Instead, we have a quest for a magic ring to restore the not-so-secret prince to his human form. This mission takes over the entire film, which would be fine if it was what we’d signed up for.

As Hoodwinked has taught us, all could've been forgiven if the writing had done some heavy lifting. At several points, it feels like there are scenes missing. One moment, Cinderella and her friends spot a colossal ice mountain all the way across the forest. Seconds later, they’re inside, exploring a cave that looks like it belongs to a completely different film. The characters are thin, unlikeable, or both. At several points, the story contradicts itself. We learn, for example, that the prince was turned into a mouse when he was five years old. When he’s restored to his true form, he suddenly knows how to ride a horse and is an expert swordsman. Did he master these skills when he was a toddler? Then there’s a reveal about the evil witch that makes no sense and an epic conclusion that raises far too many questions. It’s clear some people on the team were trying but they were outnumbered by people who just didn’t care.

You can appreciate a film wanting to take a familiar story in a new, fresh direction but good intentions don't mean anything if the end product is kind of ugly, often annoying and poorly written. Don’t get me started on the one musical number. It’s so bland and generic you'll forget the lyrics as soon as the following line begins. Even for little kids who don’t discriminate, Cinderella and the Secret Prince would be a hard sell. (May 7, 2021)

[thelostbaystudio]

The Lost Bay is a suburban horror RPG set in the 90s

Play report diary by Gorkhan (who plays Hakim) - Characters and classes: Hakim (Asphalt Kitten), Tim (Splinter), Creek (Screamer), Facilitator: IKO

photo credit chiaralily on flickr (CC BY-NC 2.0)

A Saturday night, like any other in the end of summer. Hakim and his pals: Tim and Creek, stop by a 24/24 shop to buy some beers before going to Creek's concert. This is the shop where Alex is working, a girl friend and fellow punk musician of Creek.

In the shop, the floor is soaked with water. Alex is nowhere in sight. With all the electric stuff running in there, Hakim does not want to get inside. Tim jumps on the cashier's desk to avoid the water, and starts exploring. The three guys are calling for Alex... when Tim sees someone laying on the floor, their legs blocking the door of a closet, the upper body hidden inside. Forgetting safety, the young men rush in to help. Creek and Hakim arrive first and discover Alex, laying in a pool of brackish water, chocking as a fountain of the stinky liquid pours out of her mouth. Hakim is chocked and can't move. Creek tries to help Alex out of the closet, and Tim calls for an ambulance. Finally, Hakim get back his sens and helps Creek to move Alex on the parking lot. The poor woman is drowning, and the stream of water does not stop. Tim tries to call for Saint Abraham The Young to stop the flow, but the holy patron is deaf to the prayer. Tim start's expelling water as well, but after a cough, his own fountain dries out. In the mean time, Alex is dead. And the ambulance arrives...

The next afternoon, the three friends, still chocked by the events of the night, meet at the skate park. Tim remembers that the emergency agent on the phone let think that this was not the first time someone died this way. Hakim tries to collect information from two kids playing around, but they know nothing. Creek has a punk friend who is also a cop (!), and might have a clue. He calls him, but his friend does not want to talk about it on the phone. He proposes to meet at the pizza truck this evening.

To kill time, they decide to go to Alex's flat. The door is closed, but Jimmy, her cat, is meowing from inside. Tim can't stand the sad voice of the lonely cat and breaks in. While he takes care of Jimmy, Creek and Hakim visit the place. In the fridge, Creek finds a bag filled with disgusting dead... snakes ? fishes ? Anyway, not the usual food Alex his cooking. In the bathroom, Hakim finds some of Alex's clothes, soaking wet and still stained with mud from the marshes. Then, Hank enters the flat, calling for Alex. Hank is one of Alex's neighbours. He didn't know about Alex's death and is devastated. He tells the guys that they went to a great place in the marshes just the day before. He is fuzzy about the place itself, talking about a long trip by boat to get there, about a cool guy cooking eels (Alex loved it and got some in her fridge), about a cabin in the wood, and happy mushrooms they took before going there. Hakim asks Creek of his cop friend would be interested talking to Hank, but Creek thinks it is better not to involve Hank for the moment.

Leaving the flat, the three friends take Jimmy to Tim's place. At a moment, Tim feels sick and spits brackish water again. Luckily, the flow stops quickly, but Hakim and Creek wonder if the "fountain syndrome" might be contagious. When Tim seems ok, they decide to go to the Pizza Truck to have dinner.

A woman is there, talking to everyone, asking questions around. When she spots the young men, she gets to them and presents herself: Linda, born in the Lost Bay, and back after a long stay in the big city. She is looking for strange stories for her novels. She is a wannabe horror novelist. She tells them that the drowning events happened at least 14 times in the past two weeks, and affect only young adults. When Creek's friend arrive in a cop car, Linda leaves quickly on her motorbike...

[fuckzachariah]

Something dreamlike held them tight in the elevator. They were untethered and floating above reality, protected from the world. His eyes were open but he barely saw, and all he could do was listen to her, hear the nuance in her voice even when it was quiet filling the empty space. He heard new edges, soft and jagged ones, rough and slow, that he hadn’t heard before. Their melody syncopated with his pulse, his breathing, and time seemed to slow around them as they existed separately to it. He nodded in agreement, punctuating the dense air, growing hotter the longer they remained trapped, with a hum. “Well, if you believe in fate, then I guess you’d believe it has a plan,” Zach muttered, shrugging with benign acceptance. “Maybe it knows what the hell it’s doing,” he chuckled. He hoped it did, because they sure as shit didn’t. He hoped that fate knew some cosmic truth they couldn’t reckon with: that before hadn’t been the right time, but now just might be. So much had changed - who was to say just because it hadn’t worked once, it wouldn’t work ever? Despite his internal tangents, Zach knew these were dangerous questions to ask. He knew that to try again, in earnest, was to put absolutely everything on the line, depending only on their track record of utter failure. And though an unbelievable sense of calm swathed his senses in that moment, most of the time it remained true that he found his urges difficult to constrain in Alex’s presence. High stakes so far in the distance they appeared tiny through his rose-tinted lenses, no price too high. He sighed.

Alex shifted beside him, and though he looked over, the light was so poor he could only decipher small areas at a time by focusing intently, and straining his eyes to do so; through a wall of blood-red, her fingers shifted deftly over the skin on her thigh, even her ring with a rock such as that struggling to catch any light and send it sailing back out. She admitted to attending rehab the very morning after he had left her apartment for the last time, which struck perhaps the first truly painful chord in him all evening. If he opened his mouth, he was sure its dark, resonant sound would ring out like a funeral rite. He was sure words he didn't mean would escape him as though his throat was a burning building. It could only mean one thing - her tryst with Luke, the one that had seen to him destroying his friendship with Sarah for life and taken him to Luke’s doorstep hoping he could provoke him into a potentially fatal fight, had been that very same night. The last time she saw Zach was the last time she saw Luke, too. He had hated her for it for a long time; what he didn’t tell her about all his anger, how much of it spilled into these songs she felt conflicted about, was his obsession with that evening. How he had no lingering resentment for the relationship itself, but for the explosive and painful way it had ended. It had taken Zach a long time, and a lot of work, to try and let it go. He still wasn’t sure he had. As she skipped over it, he was grateful. 

But, what a devastating notion; the moment he had turned his back, she decided recovering from him alone was not a plausible feat. Zach almost reached out and took her hand, but didn’t. He went a little tense by her side and listened. She went on, divulging that, in effect, the moment she had seen an out she took it. Andrew must have swept her off her goddamned feet, for her to follow him and never look back. Zach recalled having the desire to do exactly that all too well. Though Alex gave the impression of being hard to impress, she wasn’t. Not really. It was not the tremendous show he put on that had won her over, but the quiet, terrifying admissions of heart he struggled endlessly with. He couldn’t imagine her courting with Andrew had been anything close to their own beginnings; Andrew was a man where Zach had still been a boy at heart, back then. Inexperienced with love and abjectly horrified by the notion of commitment, unaccustomed to treating anybody with any iteration of respect. Drew had likely been a welcome change for her. A breath of fresh air to lungs that had breathed in nothing but black smoke for two straight years.

Zach’s jaw tensed, but he nodded all the same, understanding how it’d all happened perfectly well. It couldn’t have been written to better efficacy than the actuality. Because, in the end, though he had always been charmed by and endeared to Kylie, it was not this that sold him on her. It was that he had been stung by a perceived impatience from a past love, an inability to stick by his side through the worst of him should brighter days be waiting ahead. And Kylie did. She waited and waited, waited like a fucking nun waiting for the rapture, as he put her through the ringer over and over again. This had been something of a test, though he hadn’t realized it at the time. He needed to know she would swallow his bullshit and love him through it anyway, even when he gave her nothing in return. Even when he tried to force her out of it. And she did. She did with a smile. So, eventually, he caved. He let himself love he back.

But it was not love the way he had come to know it. It was not a forest fire, and it did not consume him. He did not feel his skin burning when he went too long without her, and he did not feel rage swallow him whole when he saw her with another man. He did not want to sink into her open mouth, open thighs, and die inside her. It was hard to accept love in its manageable, quiet forms when he had known it to consume him the way it once had. Why? she asked. Zach shook his head, his thoughts having entranced him into dissociated seconds, stretching them stringy and thin into minutes. He had almost thought he was alone. He took a breath, eyes scanning the gloom, palm flattening on the floor between them.

“Because,” he said throatily, as though awoken from a deep sleep. He coughed and re-started. “Wait - so - this is the first time? Aside from the VMAs - the first time in over two years?” The disbelief was evident in his tone, a little dry and a little strangled. “Man. Because I thought, well, if fate had a hand in anything, then why didn’t I see you again sooner? Why didn’t it push you back to me sooner? I had completely accepted the fact I would never see you again. Completely.” He propped his elbows on his knees once again, rubbing out his finger knuckles too roughly where they met in the middle, grounding himself with the sensation. "But I guess that’s why. You were over on the other side of the country the whole damn time, living your life. Getting engaged. What the fuck could fate do?” He laughed, then. Sort of listlessly. “I don’t think I know what I’m saying. But there is something I do know,” Zach said quietly, his throat rumbling low as he ramped up, staring straight ahead into the darkness. “I know I missed you, Alex. I know that seeing you again knocked me the fuck out with how much I’d missed you.” He paused, took a breath. “It’s been driving me crazy, holding back from telling you that.”

Alex felt his presence nearby, casting a fleeting glance to her right, where he sat beside her on the elevator floor. A smile curved her lips as he spoke, suggesting that he had become more understated in the years that had passed. It seemed a curious evolution to her, considering their initial encounter had been nothing short of grandiose — a whirlwind trip to Las Vegas aboard a private plane, followed by a night of opulence in the city’s most extravagant penthouse suite. In retrospect, Alex reflected, it wasn’t the grand gestures that had won her over then. While Zach had spared no expense to impress her, it was the sincerity behind his actions that had left a lasting mark. Comparisons inevitably arose in her mind, drifting to Andrew, who had always been quick to cater to her every whim. Perhaps she admired Zach’s overtures all the more because she knew they weren’t typical of him. He had confided in her about his past, revealing that he had never truly experienced love before. His previous entanglements had been fleeting, or, in the case of his affair with Lola Fonseca, deeply damaging. Knowing this added a layer of gratification to his efforts — it meant that every good deed, every display of affection, was a conscious choice driven by genuine desire and love for her. “Kind of like how you staged an overdose. That worked once,” she teased. Whenever Eden called in distress, Alex found herself by Zach’s side in an instant, as if she had never left. The fear of losing him to death’s embrace overshadowed any other crises they faced together. She was not ready to let go of him.

She couldn’t help but wonder about Zach’s dynamics with Kylie behind closed doors, though she knew better than to ask. The truth might be a bitter pill to swallow. From her observations, it seemed Zach had grown more patient, better able to control his anger and jealousy. She wondered if they ever argued, and if so, what sparked those conflicts. Was he truly as subtle with Kylie as he claimed to be, or had he taken the time to deluge her with extravagant experiences and gifts? His once sharp edges had softened into smoother contours, his demeanor more sensitive than before. As much as she tried to resist it, her thoughts inevitably wandered to more intimate matters. She was desperate to know if he had tempered his sexual preferences too or if they were reserved exclusively for her. Despite her best efforts to recreate what they once had, Alex found herself falling short. The resonance of Zach’s rugged voice lingered in her memory, a constant reminder that he held a place within her — in her heart, her thoughts, and the coveted space between her thighs. It wasn’t until their reunion that she realized the depth of what she had been missing, as if he had ignited a dormant, desperate need within her that she had long forgotten. His laughter interrupted her internal musings, drawing her attention back to the present moment. With a sigh of agreement, Alex nodded, unable to suppress a quiet scoff at the irony of it all. “Yeah, it is a little ridiculous,” she remarked, her voice tinged with disbelief. “I mean, I do believe in fate, but I’m still confused. It seemed determined to keep us apart back then, only to bring us back together now.”

The perplexing nature of their reunion weighed heavily on her. Why now, when she was content and engaged to someone who cherished her deeply, and when Zach had finally found stability, opening his heart to a woman who offered safety and security? Was it a test of their maturity, a challenge to resist their selfish impulses and remain faithful to their current paths? Or perhaps it was a sign that they had finally earned the right to happiness with each other, after years of growth and self-exploration. The uncertainty gnawed at her, causing her head to ache as she grappled with the enigma of fate. In either case, someone was bound to get hurt. Alex crossed her ankles and began absentmindedly tracing small shapes on her exposed thigh with her fingertips, lost in thought. Zach’s question lingered in the air, demanding consideration as she searched for answers, the right ones. “Well, I left the next morning after I saw you for rehab,” Alex admitted softly. She skirted around the additional catalyst that had prompted her to seek help, almost certain that Zach was aware of it but unwilling to confront it directly. It would have been easier to ignore, to pretend it had never happened at all, but the reality of it was painfully raw and impossible to deny. Uncomfortably clearing her throat, she continued, “I stayed in California for that, and once I completed treatment, I went to stay with my dad for a few months in Malibu. After that, I went to Capri, met Andrew, and decided to make New York my home for a while. I didn’t think it was good for me to be here.” And it truly wasn’t. The mere possibility of crossing paths with Zach again filled her with apprehension, knowing all too well the danger of falling back into their destructive patterns. They had lost their autonomy, their ability to say no, and it wasn’t safe for either of them to be ensnared in each other’s lives once more. “Why?” she finally asked.

[evakuality]

Mia, episode six

1.  Mia is faaaaaar too nice, even if it is because she’s happy after the evening before.  There’s no way I’d clean up someone else’s mess like this.  I mean, I had to once but that’s because it was New Year and in our open doorway and the guy was passed out.  But I literally only did it so I could close the door and keep the place safe overnight.  In a situation like this, you can bet that guy would be cleaning it up himself.  This puts an interesting spin on Hans and his irritation at Matteo for not helping clean after their party, though.  Like.  He really doesn’t have a leg to stand on here.  Poor Hans, though - has the unfortunate honour of being the one who gets confused by happy flat mates who are acting out of character because of the guys they like.

2.  I don’t remember the og for this very well, but did they give a reason why it had to be kept secret?  I don’t feel like I’ve had an explanation for why Mia thinks they need to keep quiet that they’re together.  I assume it’s the Kiki thing, but I haven’t seen it articulated yet?

3.  This little interaction between Hanna and Mia is so nice, though.  Hanna is such a sweetheart; I adore her.  I love that they have this friendship with the two of them.  It’s so nice to watch it growing more through the two seasons and seeing the consistency of that friendship over time as well.  I’m glad they decided to bring this through from the og.  I also really like that the Hanna/Jonas thing is different to the og’s one with Eva and Jonas.  Parts of that one I found quite.... uncomfortable, I guess.  And I didn’t think they should get back together.  Much as I disliked him, I did think P Chris was a better fit for Eva than Jonas, so the whole turn of that at the end was blah.  But here, I do believe Hanna and Jonas work together and I like seeing the way they work through this over the seasons.  By the time they get back together, I actually believe it.

4.  This whole ‘we have to keep it secret from Kiki’ conversation with the girls should imo have come before the morning meetup with Alex.  The whole ‘but Kiki was all cool with it’ ‘yeah no she wasn’t’ vibe works better with Mia making sure Alex keeps it quiet AFTER hearing that.  I don’t know.  This is a consistent problem Druck has.  Much as I love it, pacing etc isn’t their strongest suit.  But I live for my woman Sam being out here and making sure Mia knows exactly what she’s doing if/when she decides to carry on with Alex.

5.  Mia trying to slow Kiki’s exercise/healthiness drive and getting left further and further in the dust is truly funny to me.  I know of course that what Kiki is doing isn’t healthy at all and her obsession is too much.  But the fact that she’s clearly fitter than Mia does shine a light onto Mia’s way of going about stuff.  She is always certain she knows what’s right for other people, and that her way is always the right way.  While Kiki is taking things too far, Mia doesn’t have all the answers either.  Giving Kiki some respect and allowing her to voice how she feels is a better strategy, but it’s not one Mia (who we already know is super in need of being the one in control) is very good at doing.  Given that Sam literally just told us that Kiki semi-worships Mia, this whole image is interesting.  They are two different people with two very different sets of needs (in all aspects of their lives, but visually we are seeing this in the exercise) but neither of them is allowing the other to be who she is.  Mia tries to micromanage Kiki and Kiki tries to make Mia do exercise/live exactly like her.  There are clear reasons for this of course but the upshot is that they aren’t able to communicate effectively because they each assume the other needs what they themselves do.

6.  I have nothing much to say here except that I still really love the Hanna and Mia friendship.  I love that they discuss stuff with each other that’s quite important to them and worry about what’s troubling them.  If Mia struggles to communicate with Kiki, she doesn’t with Hanna.  And it’s nice that she’s got this person.  But what I don’t like is this sneaking around Mia’s doing.  She literally told Hanna about Alex, so there’s no reason to be this evasive about meeting him.  It was also a weird decision to have the lipstick thing be with Leonie and Sara rather than the friend group.  In the og it made sense and heightened the tension with Vilde.  Here, it’s just a random nod in a meaningless way.

7.  This scene with Mia and Alex should feel sort of lovely (they certainly have a nice chemistry together as actors), but I’m not feeling it because it’s such a short time since he was apparently the depth of all that is wrong with men, and I just didn’t believe her change of heart.  I’m not sure how you go from the awkward sort of ‘he is an asshole but I’m drawn to him anyway’ to this very easy happy moment.  Best thing here is Amira and her absolute insistence that no-one cam know she has a job - and also, like Sam, telling it like it is.  Keeping Kiki in the dark is both difficult and unkind.  But we already saw that Mia and Kiki are on different playing field so to speak and so obviously this is going to be an issue.  But now that literally all of her friends know, Kiki is going to be super devastated once she finds out they kept it from her.  Mia calling Amira out about having a job and not telling is real sidetracking as well - it’s not the same.  Amira having a job affects only her.  Mia and Alex affects other people and as Kiki’s friend, Mia should be telling her.

8.  It’s really interesting seeing Linn in this season.  I know her, obviously, from Matteo’s and in that one she’s not quite so bizarre or alarming.  She’s still quirky, but standing in someone’s room or hovering like this while talking nightmares isn’t really part of her thing there.  I’m finding her quite creepy in this and I’m glad this wasn’t my first introduction to her.

9.  But also, I do have to commend the acting in this season.  Mia is so comfortable around both Hanna and Alex, but with Kiki she’s so much tighter, more wound up and anxious.  And there’s a reason for that, of course, but it’s done so nicely.  And the way this scene with Kiki plays out is very good.  They both do a stellar job of expressing the emotions of the two characters.  And at least Mia told Kiki - clearly her friends talking to her has had an impact.  The way the scene is shot makes it all the more painful too.  To start it is, like Kiki jokes, like a date.  Very close and intimate, lots of PoV shots across the table, but by the end there are a lot more shots of them with the wide expanse of the table between them.  The more distanced they are emotionally, the more often we get that shot.  

10.  I know we’re supposed to feel Mia agreeing to give up Alex for Kiki’s sake is a wrench and we’re supposed to be heartbroken about it, but I can’t feel it.  There wasn’t enough of ‘nice’ Alex after the assholey bits for me to genuinely believe that giving him up would be a struggle.  Kiki even reminded her - she thinks he’s an asshole.  He is an asshole.  Just because he’s nice to her when he wants to be doesn’t change all that other stuff.  So, yeah.  The end of this scene really isn’t having the impact on me that I think it’s supposed to.  The acting is great, and both of them are doing a wonderful job here, but the romance to this point was too rushed and/or he was shown to be too much of an asshole for this to actually have any impact on me.  

11. And the fact that she literally goes from Kiki and that conversation to Alex makes me actually dislike her.  He is not worth it.  Plus, if she was going to carry on seeing him, she should have been honest with Kiki.  Yeah, I lost a lot of respect for Mia after that.  Yikes.  I don’t remember this from Noora’s season at all, not being so direct in saying ‘yeah I’ll stop seeing him for you’ and then literally running straight to him.  But I could be wrong - I did block out a lot of her season, after all.

[blahwithasideofblah]

Ok, so like in 5-6 years, after our Supernatural phase dies down and we assume nothing else is gonna happen. Nobody is gonna fix the ending. The writers are never give apologize for queer baiting.

A trailer drops...

It starts with Dean, impaled by a rusty nail, and Sam begging him to stay.

But Dean fades...

A montage of the finale with Dean and Sam reuniting in Heaven.

All of a sudden Dean wakes up on his back, two blurry figures above him.

"Dean? Dean, oh thank God!"

The voice is unmistakably Sammy's. He's pulled up into a hug and for a moment he can't figure out what is going on.

Then he focuses on Jack, standing above him.

"Jack?"

His kid waves back shyly.

"I thought you were gonna be hands-off?"

"I was- I am! But... you're still family..."

Dean pushes himself up, despite Sam's protestations, and pulls the kid into a hug, "Thank you."

He can feel Jack smile against his jacket.

"I had the weirdest dream..." Dean pulls away slowly, "I was in Heaven, with Bobby, driving baby. And Sam joined me on a bridge..."

Jack smiles at him, "You were passes out for a while."

"Yeah," Dean can't help but chuckle, "And... Bobby said... Bobby said that Cas was there," Jack looks away at this.

"Can you..." he knows it won't happen, not with his luck, but maybe?

"Can you bring him back?"

Jack shakes his head, "I tried. It was the first thing I did, but the Empty doesn't want to let him go. I can't get him out without her permission."

Dean nods, devastated.

"I'll keep trying, I promise."

"Of course, kid," he smiles down at him.

Poor Jack, he misses Cas so much...

Sam comes up and puts a comforting hand on his shoulder, "You'll get him back, I know you will."

Jack smiles, hopeful.

"In the meantime," Dean hesitates, he's not sure if he'll accept, after he's treated him, "You could come back with us. We could help you, dig through the lore, help negotiate, anything!" He just wants Cas back so much. The kid too.

There's a pause. Sam and Dean both hold their breath.

Jack smiles and nods. This time he accepts.

Team Free Will is all smiles on the way home. Cas may still be gone, but they got Jack back and now they're all working together on saving their angel.

"Hey, Dean?"

Dean glances at Sam, "hmm?"

"Maybe we should stop hunting for a bit. I mean, if you can get taken out by some low-level vamps and a rusty nail, then we're in bad shape."

Dean laughs and agrees, "Sure thing, Sammy. Let's leave it to the girls."

Cut to Claire cutting a vamps head off, Kaia by her side.

A montage of the girls.

Donna and Jody loading guns, Patience waking from a vision, Alex shooting a ghost in a hospital.

We're getting the Wayward Sisters after all.

[themetaphorgirl]

HI I AM ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED I LOVE THIS SO VERY VERY VERY MUCH. poor sweet baby. he’s a wreck.

(also this is the scene and I am CRYING this is exactly his facial expression)

—————

He didn't realize Andrew had hung up the phone until the dial tone cut through the jumbled mess of his brain. "Hotch? Are you all right?" Derek said hesitantly.

He ended the call and set the phone down by his half-drunk coffee. "I'm fine," he said, and he didn't recognize his own voice, thin and stilted.

"Is Sean okay?" JJ asked.

"Hm?" he said. The words clicked and he picked up his drink. "Oh, no, Sean's fine." He took a long pull on the straw. "He's not coming."

"Oh, Hotch," Penelope said. "I'm so sorry."

The coffee churned in the pit of his stomach. "Why are you sorry? It's not your fault," he said.

"But you've been looking forward to him visiting, and now he's not staying," Derek said. "That sucks, man."

"Oh, no, it's fine," Hotch said. "It's fine. It was Sean's idea to not stay, so it's fine. You guys ready for breakfast?" He was talking too fast, fast as the fire burning in his stomach and crawling up his throat, steady heat unfurling in his body. "We should probably get to breakfast."

No one else was getting up from the table. "Aaron," Alex said, soft and low, and the fire reached the blood in his veins.

"What?" he challenged. "What, you have something to say?"

"Hotch, calm down," Derek said, half rising and placing a gentle hand on his arm, and Hotch pushed him away.

"Don't touch me!" Hotch shot at him. His cup slipped in his hand, the lid popping off and splashing the table with its contents. "Don't...don't touch me."

"Dude, chill," Emily said. "We'll just go to breakfast, okay? We won't talk about it."

Hotch tried to take a breath, but Alex said something too soft for him to hear, and irrational rage roared through him. "Shut up! All of you, shut the fuck up and stop staring at me!" he shouted. "Stop staring like you feel sorry for me!" He stumbled back. "I don't need anyone feeling sorry for me, okay? No one felt sorry for me when my mom died, or when they threw me and Sean in foster care, or when I got shipped out here. So I sure as fuck don't need any of you to feel sorry for me now!"

He lost his balance and caught himself against the back of a chair. The coffee shop had gone painfully silent, but no one was staring. JJ and Penelope had gone silent and wide-eyed, making themselves small, and Derek and Emily looked like they were about to spring at him out of their chairs. Only Alex was still looking at him, her gaze unreadable, and she kept her arm tight around Spencer as he hid his face against her shoulder.

i’m a sucker for the stoic characters having a silly little mental breakdown, and this scene from chapter 23 of @themetaphorgirl ‘s PSOLC au has been stuck in my brain ever since i re-read the fic in order to read the most recent chapter. i love me some hotch angst, and apparently this fic is what i needed to get out of my art block haha

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Been having a weird/off week. But you know what’s made it better?

Spending some more time in Midvale with Supergirl Ep. 6x06, “Prom Again!”

Spoilers!

So! Last week was the fun shenanigans/set-up, THIS WEEK we get the emotional pay-offs and oooooh. So good. So good.

Historically, Supergirl kinda struggles to stick its landing when it comes to paying off its set-ups, but I think this episode is really solid in that regard.  

And thus, we begin! With the forest showdown! And I love it. Love every part of it. Love Kara flying in and freeing Nia and Brainy with her heat vision, love that one of Kenny and Kara’s go-to plays is called ‘Speed Racer’, love Brainy’s whole, ‘my buddy’s gonna BLAST YA if you don’t cooperate’ and Kara just. Threatens the bad guys from the shrubbery.

She’s supposed to be scary and intimidating with the heat vision eyes but dagnabbit...it’s just kind of cute.

Last week I completely forgot to mention how much I love that Kenny and Kara have go-to plays WITH NAMES. (NERDY names at that!) And also that Alex is so exasperated by it.

JUST YOU WAIT, KIDDO. 

Fast forward to the Fortress and everyone’s happy! The day is saved! The timeline is restored! Alex apologizes for being a bit of a grouch!

*cough* understatement *cough*

And Brainy doesn’t get the fist bump, d’awwwww. XD

Nia has a lovely chat with Kara wherein SHE is the elder hero who inspires the youths. Nice. NICE.

And THEN, the first of some good Danvers Sisters scenes...we’ll call this one ‘the mini-van chat.’ 

Kara apologizing about the ‘Zookeeper fight-y thing’ and the GLASSES FIDGET.

Shout out to the writers, who were ON-POINT with the dialogue for both parts, and shout out to the young actresses as well. It’s...honestly uncanny, how well they nailed playing Kara and Alex. 

(I mean, we knew this already, of course, but GOSH. What a wonderful showcase. So, so glad, that we got such a large Midvale story in the final season.)

Right, so, another dialogue highlight from the mini-van chat (but like, not in a silly way. More in a, ‘oh wow that’s very sweet’ way) Alex, to Kara about her choice: ‘It’s the right one because you made it.’

THESE KIDS.

Then we go to Nia and Brainy on the Legion Cruiser!

Nia’s outfit? Outstanding. Brainy’s mask? Admittedly a little distracting because it didn’t look like it was fitting quite right.

But A+ song choice for their dance, show. 

(Really, A+ song choices across the board. You can tell they were absolutely LOVING getting in all those needle drops.) 

And then we discover--ALL IS NOT WELL! THE TIMELINE IS STILL BROKEN!

Cat Grant has released the aliens! And she has been captured! And yet she remains heckin’ fearless!

Love that she calls Mitch ‘Mr. Blue Sky.’

It took me a while to warm up to this ‘new’ version of Cat Grant but this episode really gave her some fun stuff to do and yep, I dig it. Great stuff. 

Meanwhile, back at the prom...

I'm taking this moment to applaud the Supergirl folks for their very nice workarounds for ‘crowded’ locations this season thus far. The episodes have never felt like, overtly obvious in terms of Covid protocol impacts (I mean there are a few scenes here and there where you’re like, ‘oh, yeah, this is set up in this specific way to probably account for some production changes) but I’ve never felt that the episodes are losing anything, you know?

Case in point! Two episodes, set in a crowded high school! But most of the stuff takes place before/between classes, or outside!

(Specifically enjoyed all the outdoor stuff and natural lighting. It’s not quite the same as that LA sunshine, but. Still nice.)  

Anyways, in “Prom Again!” the action/discussions are set in the hallways/classrooms outside of the actual Prom. Inobtrusive! Makes sense for the story! Doesn’t compromise!

Gold stars for everyone. 

Kara and Kenny are BOTH unrelentingly cheesy--Kara even says as much--and it’s wonderful.

‘Hey Stargazer.’ Kara, you smooth operator you.

Shout out to Kenny’s bowtie, it’s great.

...Shout out to Kenny in general.

(Like, Will is great, but he’s got a lot to live up to, now.)

So FURTHER PROOF THAT THE TIMELINE IS BUSTED: Kara is going to stay in Midvale!

:O

Me, knowing full well that Kara has to go to National City, but also being...just a liiiiittle bit team Kenny: 

And then...THE METEOR!

That Kara just. Body-slams.

It reminded me of another Danvers, who also body-slams some space stuff:

But UNLIKE Kara’s cross-company cousin, this particular move does not end well!

Because there’s KRYPTONITE! And also, a CLOAKED SPACESHIP, BLOCKING THE FALLING METEOR DEBRIS! And, you know, ALIEN HUNTERS THREATENING HIGH SCHOOLERS! And Kenny SACRIFICES HIMSELF FOR KARA!

(Well, okay. It’s tonight but you get the idea.)

Poor, sweet Kenny. Who feels WAY out of his depth as he’s imprisoned alongside Cat on the alien ship...but it does bring us one of her patented ‘tough love pep talks.’ Wherein she calls Kenny brilliant.

And also, Kendall.

Never change, Cat. Never change.

Also, “Go, go.”

Okay, some more rapid fire specifics that I enjoyed so that this list doesn’t get...too? Long? ...No promises.

Smol Kara squaring her shoulders in that classic Kara Super Pose! 

Alex being able to pick a lock!

Kara using the reflected sunlight from the moon to heal!

‘That’s an 80% failure rate’ ‘Oh yes it’s terrible.’

The scene where the police have Kara, and Alex comes rushing out all, ‘that’s my sister!’ and Kara’s gonna just RISK EVERYTHING to fix this?

100/10, excellent, love to see that Danvers Sisters angst in the Worst Timeline. Also? Alex’s desperate little headshake, silently pleading for Kara to NOT DO THE THING???? Devastating. In the best way.

‘The world will know that name...Keira.’ 

No Plutonian Landshark sightings!?!? Not even a graphic on a computer screen? FOR SHAME!

(Personally, I’m imaging that they look like Jeff, pictured below.)

Kara stowing away on the Cruiser, and her very cute, ‘Don’t be mad!’

Her entire speech about her future--She’s just seventeen! She doesn’t have her driver’s license yet! Eliza’s only let her do the laundry once! She’s not even sure she can make rice!

(Eliza, I love you, but for Pete’s sake, let your kid do her own laundry.) 

Brainy and Kara trying to play it cool upon being discovered by Kenny and Alex! 

Their story involving an excess of formal wear!

Nia inspiring Cat to start CatCo, and telling her she’s CAT FREAKIN’ GRANT!

“If you say Lois Lane I will expire.”

Wait, did I mention the lucid dreaming power yet? ...Nia’s lucid dreaming power!

The entirety of Kara and Kenny’s talk in the gym!

Kara in the Worst Timeline tell Alex, ‘you don’t have to shout’. And then in the Fixed Timeline: ‘inside voice please.’

And she quotes Monty Python that lil GOOBER.

THE WHOLE EPISODE(S) was a GOSHDARN DELIGHT, I TELL YA. (Did I say that last week? I might’ve said that last week, but I don’t care.)

And now, some slightly more in-depth, overall thoughts:

So, How ‘Bout Them Danvers: Not surprisingly, the girls end up in, if not the exact same place as the end of “Midvale”, then pretty darn close. I’m trying to avoid, like. All of fandom, these days, but unfortunately, the bad takes are numerous, and often untagged. So I did see a bunch of people insisting that Kenny living ‘ruined the Danvers’ relationship’ and that the show is ‘taking away everything that makes Kara Kara’

To which I say:

In the broadest terms, what needs to happen by episode’s end to match up with “Midvale”, and prep the kiddos for the stuff that happens in the Pilot - Kara needs to put the aspirations of super-ing on the backburner, and Alex needs to like. Not hate Kara, but also be committed to helping Kara keep her secret, you know...secret. 

All of these things are set up. I repeat: All. Of. Them.

And Kenny didn’t have to die!

(I will admit, I chuckled that they so blatantly teased an untimely demise for him...because I know it will annoy select corners of fandom.

Muhahahahaha.)

But anyways, back to those key ingredients for making a ‘Danvers Sisters in the same emotional place they were in @ Midvale’s end’ soup: Alex deals with that simmering resentment. Seeing Kara handle herself well in a super-ing context gives her that little, ‘hey, this isn’t so bad!’ outlook.

BUT INTERESTINGLY, in the Fixed Timeline, Alex and Kara don’t have that chat in the supply room, where Alex is like. ‘You CANNOT reveal your powers, BAD THINGS will happen if you do.’ 

That is saved for the Pilot!*

MEANWHILE. The Kara ingredients! She puts super-ing on hold. 

Her chat with Kenny functions as a replacement for her chat with J’onn-as-Not!Alura, in the sense that it’s here that she reveals that she didn’t choose to come to Midvale, she didn’t choose these powers. 

(...I can already sense fandom using those lines to prove their end-of-series theories and like. Ugh. Ugh.) 

But anyways. It’s also here that we get shades of Pilot!Kara, what with the season one conflict of being Super vs. being normal. 

It’s ALL THE SAME STUFF.

Fandom needs to like. Chill. 

And their (fake) concern for Kara’s characterization is entirely misplaced, because this was a really wonderful showcase for Kara in particular.

Like. The first episode was really Nia’s time to shine, and we still got solid Brainy and Nia action in this episode!

But man. That good Kara content.

THE CONTENT I CRAVE!

So speaking of good Kara content in particular, I LOVED Kara’s prom dress. It's got both a SKIRT. AND PANTS!

Amazing.

I know nothing of fashion, but it was very cute, very girly, and okay. Though I hate the comic, the one thing I actually liked about Future State is Kara’s costume. This was similar!

(Thank goodness it looked nothing like the prom dress from Rebirth. That...was a bit of a train wreck.)

(Look, not all comic artists are great clothes designers, it’s just how it is.)

We see the empowerment theme come up with Kara inspiring Kenny; he describes her as ‘an amazing light in a world of darkness’ and tells her that, ‘you changed me, Kara Zor-El.’

We love to see it. 

They also agree that stargazing and Monty Python make for the perfect prom these absolute NERDS I love them.

*Quick wibbly-wobbly, timey-whimey note WRT making this episode ‘fit’ with the Pilot: I’m not saying that it 100% does. There’s already the change with the Kryptonite, and the added info/awareness of the DEO. 

Those little changes, though, don’t really impact the overall arc of Kara and Alex, the way the emotional stuff might. 

Thus! The ‘Pilot’ of Earth Prime, and in fact, the ENTIRETY of the show’s run thus far most likely involved little differences throughout, but the emotional core is very close, if not the exact same.

BUT EITHER WAY, it doesn’t matter, because our Kara and Alex are still our Kara and Alex thanks to the multiple sets of memories! 

(So all of fandom’s freaking out is for naught. As it almost always is.) 

I bring this up because, again, as much as I talk about setting stuff up for where we find Kara six years from now--this Kara is a little different! She comes across as more confident, something Izabela Vidovic mentioned in an interview, when discussing her approach to playing Kara this time around. 

And now, Alex: Admittedly, she gets less focus as like, a solo-entity in these episodes--she really is there to serve the more Kara-centric plot. Personally, it didn’t bother me too much because outside of these flashback episodes, Alex has had some solid development and screen time, so. It balances out.

And the scenes we did get with those 2? Solid. Top tier. There was even a couch scene! Like, technically. Because there was a couch in the supply room. XD  

Spotlight on Kenny: fandom kinda loves to insist that all the men on Supergirl are trash, because, ya know. 'Feminism’ or whatever. It’s ships, it’s always ships. But, in fact! The dudes on Supergirl? Are actually wonderful! And Kenny is another example of a guy who isn’t afraid to be emotionally vulnerable, who 1000% supports Kara, but is also like. His own person. 

GOOD JOB, SHOW. GOOD JOB.

Brainy too, had some really nice stuff in terms of dealing with his emotions!

And it’s Brainy who gives us our closing line, as Nia asks him how he’s feeling now that they’ve accomplished their mission:

“Hopeful.”

NOICE.

In conclusion! “Prom Night” and “Prom Again!” were EXCELLENT! They had heart! They had stakes! They had the promised time-travel do-over alluded to in the titles! Outstanding performances from the entire cast! Tthe ‘young’ versions of characters in particular! And I WILL be watching these episodes on repeat throughout the three-month hiatus! XD

But before the Super Friends take their break: NEXT WEEK! The Quest for Kara Concludes!!!

[theinvisibledreamergirl]

Chap. 1: “The Beginning of Everything”

————————————

3 years ago: 14th of September 2017

“Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday to my gem!

Happy birthday to you!”

His soft and playful voice made her giggle when he did an impression of a birthday wish because she knew that he hated to say it out loud.

“Thank you Mr. Standall.” She kissed his lips slowly not letting a yawn to break this blissful moment. “And that was a very good impression on how boyfriends want to make surprises to their girls.” She giggled while tracing with her right palm his grown beard that made her weak whenever it scratched.

“And I’m glad that made you smile.” He gave her a peck on her forehead while smiling aback.

“You always make me happy like no one else.”She said it in full acknowledgment and wrapped her arms around his neck, giving that sympathetic look that Alex knew too well. Whenever those words fell from her lips, he knew that she would get teary so he tried to lighten up the mood.

“Whoa Miss Craig, we haven’t still arrived to the part of being emotional.” He cupped her cheeks in full adoration. “And I haven’t brought your breakfast here yet so…” He got up from their bed while she was admiring at his sculpted body only in his underwear and was catching her lower lip thinking how handsome he was. He wore his shorts while doing another mimic of her while biting her lip knowing she had a soft spot. “Oh Al you’re so fucking handsome ma-”

Before he would finish the sentence, was met with a pillow on his face and a stern voice. “Get my breakfast here ‘cause I don’t want to die hungry.”

“Your wish is my command, my lady.” He chuckled before bowed down while she was laughing at his poor attempt to be look like a 18th century gentleman but she didn’t care that much. Because her heart was so full and couldn’t be more thankful that he was by her side.

Present day: 14th of September 2020

She woke up from the irritating alarm of her iPhone while groaning loudly. She felt her body sweating on her sheets and knew that the dreams were still appearing in the middle of the night and were not giving her the peace she wanted. She had only been one week in Boston and was hating this city already. Crowded, disorganised, dirty and was nothing compared with Brighton or Washington. Even the great buildings that surrounded didn’t give her a slight awesomeness and rolled her eyes while some tourists were looking wonderfully and snapping selfies. It was 5 AM. She had a bad habit to wake up early in order to work out outside in the nature. Or better saying- somewhere far away from the flowers or trees that gave her allergies even though it was the fall season. But first she needed to change quickly her wet clothes before getting a cold. When she got up from her bed, was met with a wiggling tail and a huffing sound of her best friend- Jonah.

“Hey good morning buddy!” She kneeled down to him while he was licking her hands. “Yup we’re going outside but first mama needs a shower okay?” She kissed his head when he jumped on her bed waiting impatiently for his owner to finish.

She stripped off her clothes and didn’t want to give a spare glance to the scars in her forearms if she didn’t want to experience another breakdown. The warm temperature of the water cascading down her body was everything she needed and let out a content sigh. She mocked at her anti-grease shampoo for keeping her hair done only in two days.

“Bloody shampoos.”

She carefully rubbed the cores of her forearms with her sponge not letting to fall a single drop of blood while wincing. It was such annoying to wait for another year until they were regenerated completely and if not, she needed to undergo a plastic surgery in which she was worried about it.

This day was slightly different from what she’d been used to. It was her first day of work at a hospital after graduating with excellent grades from University College London and got an alumni award for her outstanding performance in saving five people’s lives (including her professor Dr. Sarah Bennett) doing solo operations without the practice and the leadership of an attending. And that’s why she chose Edenbrook Hospital but- with a bit lateness.

It was only three days ago that she got the acceptance e-mail from nonetheless the well known and the most respected diagnostician in the whole country Dr. Naveen Banerji. The reason was that she spent her summer holidays in Italy and wasn’t sure if she was ready to go back in USA almost four years after her parents died. But mostly she still was on search for the truth behind her grandmother’s unexpected death- Daisy Ahmad. A quest in which she hadn’t solved the mystery behind of it.

While putting on her Nike sneakers she took a brief look at the clock on the wall- 5:15 AM. She still had time until 7 AM to catch up for work so she whistled to the husky dog letting him know that they were ready to go- or not until she straightened up her back and raised her eyebrows while looking at the mirror.

“Mirror mirror on the wall, tell me... who’s the most badass woman here?” She chuckled at her poor joke. “Of course it’s me. Right Jonah?” He barked in approval tilting his head, showing his blue sky eyes to his owner’s. “That’s my boy.”

The hangout consisted of walking firstly, because Jonah always came the first into their priorities and sometimes she would call him the King Jonah I and if he would have children she’ll gladly call them Jonah II or JJ. Secondly, it was playing with him and doing some exercises to train him with what she had read in a recent book about huskies. Lastly, it was time for her to put her headphones on and listening to the great Arctic Monkeys band while running for an hour without breaks to the asphalt coastline. And Jonah was more than happy to follow his owner wherever she went.

Annoyed, after finishing her run, she totally forgot that she took a shower already but thankfully her hair was tied up in a ponytail so her tendrils weren’t at least wet. “We got sweaty again buddy huh?”

6:37 AM.

They finally made it back at her apartment and greeted the receptionist Billy for taking the morning shift. She kicked off her sneakers and went immediately to the bathroom to change again her sportswear and quickly finished her body shower. The breakfast consisted of baked bread, white cheese and fiches jam whereas for the husky dog were the raw meats and bones. While she was waiting for the slices of bread to be toasted, her eyes landed to his photograph placed in a black rectangular frame.

“Why Alex?” She whispered to herself and crossed her arms while tilting her head in one side. “Why are you still appearing in my dreams every night? What do you want to tell me?”

It became a monotonous thing for her to see the nightmares of the people who were gone now and the worse part was that they would always appear with unknown causes. Like her parents for example, died not because of a coincidental car accident- but a well-planned one- and after their case was solved, they didn’t appear anymore. She knew that her grandmother’s death was truly a devastating event for her and of course she needed to find the surgeon who took the responsibility to operate her. But what about Alex? She had no clue why this was happening but one thing was for sure... her PTSD wouldn’t stop if she didn’t find out the last parts to complete the puzzle.

After finishing her breakfast she wore her casual clothes despite her efforts in wearing a suit. She was so obsessed with them. Maybe if she becomes a resident... who knows what fate will bring for her? She shook her head in disbelief- she was going to work with Ethan Ramsey and was excited but stressed in the same time.

“My oh my... am I going to work now huh? What do you think buddy?”Jonah twirled around in excitement when his owner opened her arms to reveal the outfit. “You always have liked my style, haven’t you? Can you believe that I’m going to work with the attending who inspired me to be this doctor I am now? Nope, I can’t believe it too.” She chuckled wearily as her memories with Alex came back on her mind. How both of them were determined to be doctors and to be graduated in the same year, then going to their respective inspirational doctors who, for instance, both were in the same hospital- Dr. Ethan Ramsey and Dr. Simon Tennant.

“Y’know Jonah, I was thinking about how this Ethan Ramsey looks like because his face doesn’t appear anywhere. Like I’ve searched for him in any websites possible but no- he’s like an invisible man who has sealed every images of him. Even Simon doesn’t want to tell me and said that I would see him soon. What the hell? I mean can you imagine working with an old man and a grumpy one or who knows... maybe he’s a good one? He can’t be like those snarky and annoying attendees that have always appeared in the TV shows, right?” She twitched her lips in confusion and shrugged. “Whatever. Just wish me good luck.”

She grabbed his collar in the direction of the door but before that she glanced up to the photograph again. A hard lump was formed on her throat re-imagining the scene in which they could leave together but instead... she was going alone. A small and a sad smile tugged on her lips as if he was there too, smiling widely at her and wishing ‘good luck’ and giving a blow kiss while saying ‘I love you’.

Unfortunately the blue-eyed husky was cooing sadly after the owner left him to her neighbour Lola and her husband Mike and he really needed to fit into the new adjustment of lifestyle.

Klaw wanted so badly to drive her car to the hospital because she knew now all the streets of Boston but changed her mind in the last minute to go the metro line that wasn’t far away from her neighbourhood and it took at least 20 minutes. While she was seating in front of the window she opened her messages that popped up on her phone and she frowned in suspicion for who might’ve been. Then she chuckled softly. It was nonetheless than her friends.

Klaw scoffed.

Of course Imy would bring up those numbers as a reminder.

14.09.1995- her 25th birthday.

But she had already discussed with them to not wish her and to not make any presents despite Imy’s insistence to try to forget what happened two years ago that had wrapped their minds for a long time. But there wasn’t enough for forgetting and she still wasn’t ready to move on to another point of her life. She was afraid that if she believed in love again- she would lose it. Just like with Clay and Alex she didn’t want to experience another heartbreak or another trauma.

The great building of Edenbrook Hospital in the heart of Boston Massachusetts appeared in front of her now, where her life wouldn’t be the same again. She felt her quickened heartbeats and her tightened chest by the view and still couldn’t believe she was now a doctor. She shook her head in disbelief again while chuckling.

Well well Dr. Craig, seems like the beginning of everything to you, isn’t it? Just don’t try to kill anyone today. Keep your punches off to yourself.

Everyone were hurrying up and looked they were all in a moment of a rush. She took long stride steps while ogling to the new settlement which later she would call it home. Klaw could hear the urgency of nurses while taking IV’s with themselves to the patients, two doctors wheeling their patients who seemed to have done a transplant operation before, the receptionists talking to the phones and writing the names of those who wanted to leave a meeting with their doctors. Even though this gave her a lightened moment to truly appreciate, she felt lost and didn’t know where to go so she tilted her head to the sides almost panicking.

Is this how all of the interns have been before?

“Are you new here?”

A guy in violet scrubs asked her gently behind her back so she turned around only to see him smile.

“Uhm, yeah I am.”

“That’s pretty good! Are you our new nurse from Delaware?”

She chuckled. “No, actually I’m a surgical intern from London.”

“Oh, sorry.” He said sheepishly. “I’ve been asking all the new female faces here and all of them turned to be interns because we were waiting for a new internal nurse but seems like she’s vanished.” They both shared a laugh. “By the way my name’s Danny Cardinal.”

They shook their hands while nodding. “And I’m Klaudia Craig but please call me Klaw instead ‘cause there’s a loooong story about that.”

“Klaudia Craig... just give me a second to check the list.” Danny run his index finger while murmuring her name until he flipped the other page and her name was the last. “Ha! I found you... Klaudia Helena Craig, the tick is in the box. If I’m right you’re the last doctor who has applied here?”

“Uhm, yeah.” She let out a nervous laugh and scratched the back of her neck. “I actually wasn’t sure about this place to apply but- here I am.”

“Well because of Dr. Delarosa’s absence for the moment I’ll do you a quick guide.”

Danny was such a nice guy and now the first friend Klaw made in this hospital. She could see his cheeks flushed sometimes when he made eye contact with her and later he admitted that this year strangely all the new interns were so attractive. With her back-bag in one shoulder she entered the closet room to change her clothes to green scrubs until she saw a woman in her underwear. Embarrassed that she may be interrupting her, made a quick motion of closing her eyes.

“Oh, I’m sorry, sorry I’m truly sorry!” She waved her hand awkwardly and she thought that was such clueless move.

“It’s alright you can open your eyes.” Her accent let Klaw know that she could be somewhere from India. When she opened her eyes- damn it. Danny wasn’t lying that everyone were attractive. She was the greatest example of a hot woman. “And please don’t you know that this is a closet room or what?” She scoffed. “Are you shy?”

Klaw scoffed aback when her last words teased her. “No, but I don’t think I can invade someone’s privacy and that’s disrespectful y’know... maybe you were doing other things rather than changing clothes.”

“Alexa play “The Final Countdown” by Europe for Jackie Varma getting her butt roasted!” Klaw flinched when a half-naked guy barked in laughter. “I’m feeling sorry for you now Jackson.”

“Shut up Lahela!”

“So my prediction was right.” Klaw nodded slowly in acknowledgement thanks to her observation skills, she could see Jackie’s messed hair despite her efforts to put a proper bun whereas the guy named Lahela had a small glitter on the corner of his lips. And she couldn’t feel any prouder.

“You got a smart mouth sweetie don’t you?” Jackie challenged her by inching dangerously close, their faces mere inches apart. Klaw smirked knowingly and slowly lowered her head.

“I do and you should actually be afraid of me, darling.”

Jackie was caught off guard despite her efforts of staying neutral. This girl was so gorgeous and such a smart ass, she thought. She was wondering how her full lips would fit into hers and how her body would arch in the wall while doing to her the most nasty things. And when she got that look- god she thought- she looked even more sexy.

Stop it Jackie.

“I like this girl, she’s just my type.” Lahela added. “Can we please have a threesome?”

“Bryce!” Jackie shouted angrily. “That’s enough!”

So his name is Bryce.

Klaw felt her jaw tightening even though she knew that he was just messing with them. “Only in your dreams big boy.”

“Ouch you are hurting my feelings right now. Look, no one can resist my handsome face... and not even you pretty.”

“I’ll show you pretty when you’ll see yourself with your broken bones.” Klaw smiled wickedly.

“Who’s roasted now huh?”Jackie laughed while Bryce was left mouth gaped from this statement. He didn’t think that someone as beautiful as this girl could reject him in one click. She wouldn’t do that, right? Bryce Lahela had never been refused by any of the girls he encountered with- not even from boys who had tried to have an affair with him. This is was the first defeat he got slapped by and it looked like this first day was going to be a hell. But when he looked deeply in the dark and fiery brown eyes of that lady, he had hopes that she wasn’t a bad person. Maybe she was trying to shove him off or who knew... maybe it was a game plan and for that, he wanted to know more of her.

Be careful Bry. ‘Cause this girl is going to be harder than it looks like. What is she doing to me?

“Whilst I appreciate your words Varma I think we should let this girl present herself, right?”

“This time I agree with you.” Jackie was well aware of his changing of subject and in a brief moment she saw the hot guy going pale and silently thought that he had fallen for her. Yuck.

Klaw smiled. “Okay people I’m Dr. Klaudia Craig, a surgical intern with one condition- only if you call me Klaw.”

“Another scalpel jockey here?” Jackie let out her tongue in disgust. “Ewww.”

“Hell yeahhh.” Klaw rolled her eyes while Bryce was offering his hand to shake hers. “Dr. Bryce Lahela graduated at the top of the class 2020 from Harvard University and selected as the best face from all the nerds around the campus with one condition-” he kissed the back of her hand before winking “-be mine already.”

“As tempting as it may be Dr. Lahela I’m afraid I’m not the first one in your flirting list hm?”

Two can play that game, right? Bryce’s cheeks turned to a light pink as if he felt- embarrassed? Why did this girl make him feel like that? What was her real intention? One thing was for sure- she was different and mysterious. Before he could reply Jackie cut him off.

“Shit! Time is ticking! We must go immediately, the whole atrium is expecting us!”

“Who?” Klaw asked confused and with that expression made Jackie eyeing her incredulously.

“Do you live on earth or what? The doctors, our attendees, our bosses!” Klaw nodded slowly in acknowledgment since she was right. She lived in Moon. “Hurry up, we need to change!”

All of the interns were gathered as they were waiting for the attendees to come at any minute. Lots of unknown faces were about to work together in this place and lots of things were going to change forever their lives. Daniel Griffin appeared among them giving Klaw a small smile but also a relieved one. He still was worried with the yesterday’s incidence where she fought with some random street girls and almost she was caught by the police. He couldn’t ask her if she was okay because she wouldn’t tell him anyway so the only thing that caught his attention was that she was coming with other two strange guys. Not long after that his girlfriend Imy joined them and greeted with a warm smile that always crossed on her face which was why Dan fell in love with her. Again Jackie was disappointed that they were other scalpel jockeys and couldn’t wait to meet colleagues on her profile. The attendees were coming towards them with an assurance and a determination that Klaw felt a shiver on her spine. She spotted her brother (her guardian angel) Simon beside a woman who seemed to be a very important person in the hospital alongside with four other doctors whom Klaw tried to guess if one of them was Ethan Ramsey with the exception of the curly woman.

Or tried to guess- who was the surgeon she was looking after all these years?

“May I have your attention please?” The curly woman spoke up, trying her best to keep her calmness while everyone were speaking aloud until another grunting voice made them startled and turn their heads to them.

“Will you shut your fucking mouths and listen now?!”

Silence.

A genuine and a grateful smile came from the woman mouthing to the man her ‘thank you’ and he nodded in acknowledgement.

“Welcome to Edenbrook Hospital everyone! You have come a long way to be in this place and you have to always remind the Hippocrates  Oath: ‘Do no harm’ which is going to be the first thing that comes to your minds. My name is Dr. Ines Delarosa and by my side is Dr. Zaid Mirani, your senior residents who will guide you in every step of the way.”

“Do not consider this as a favour because if you do, then you have to forget your big sacrifices to come here.”

When Zaid almost chewed them with his sentence, Ines tried to lighten up the mood. “But also we’re not the only doctors here- please welcome our surgeons Dr. Harper Emery, Dr. Simon Tennant and Dr. Edgar Allen!”

The speech was started by Harper who stood between the males giving her the authority that she deserved as she looked intensely to every intern.

“Thank you Dr. Delarosa. Again welcome to the most prestigious and the most competitive hospital in our country! I hope all of you have been prepared for this day and for more to come. I’m delighted to work as a neurosurgeon to help and to teach you how important is and what it means to be a surgeon. Mostly about our surgical interns- you will be tasked with a lot of cases from the easiest ones to the most complicated ones. And you have to remind yourselves that you must not neglect any patient because they are all equal and they need the same treatments. I think the doctors would agree-” her eyes flicked immediately to Simon’s, ignoring Edgar’s purposely. “- right?”

“Yes Dr. Emery especially after this looong speech everyone here is more motivated, right?” He mocked playfully while Harper was rolling her eyes.

You'll never change Simon.

“Hi! I’m Dr. Tennant as Dr. Delarosa previously mentioned and I’m a cardio thoracic surgeon, currently the chief of Cardiology Department. Which means that if you notice your heart quickening its heartbeats or if you notice that is breaking into two halves- feel free to swing by my office or in the O.R to fix it.” A laughter was heard among the interns who seemed to be more relaxed and many whispers said that he was going to be their God’s sent angel- which clearly he was. “Jokes aside- this year was the most difficult time to choose the ones you are here because of competitiveness and the strong knowledge you came from your universities, ranked at the top of your classes. What I want to say is- nothing is impossible. Everything can be achieved with work and passion for medicine if you feel it here.” He patted his chest lightly. “But if not-” he shook his head even though his smile didn’t disappear. “- then you weren’t ready for these days.”

A knowing look crossed Klaw’s face; she knew where his limits were when it came to being professional especially in medicine. He wouldn’t tolerate anyone who made unacceptable mistakes and everyone would see his worst side and wonder how this man could change so quickly- something that she was used to.

“Alright.” Harper was nodding and giving an eye to everyone and turned her gaze to the older man. “Do you want to add something Dr. Banerji?”

That’s when Ines realised that she had totally forgotten to mention Dr. Banerji’s name because of Zaid’s distraction.

So he’s Dr. Naveen Banerji- the person who accepted my application.

“Yes, thank you Harper. Well, hello everybody, for all of those who don’t know me yet- I’m Dr. Naveen Banerji the Chief of Medicine, but my real job is general surgeon which I’m very good at it rather than being a chief.” He chuckled and Klaw thought this man was truly like a father to all the interns. “I’m very happy that we have chosen the best students for our non-profit hospital and especially those who’ve already done a big difference during medical school.” Klaw didn’t notice it as Bryce whispered in her ear but Naveen gave her a briefing look before he continued what he was saying. “I hope everyone will get themselves accommodated, making new relationships uh-I meant strictly professional and friendly partnerships.” Everyone shared a laugh. “What I want to say is- if you want to be successful to your job you must at first be humans. If you want to understand the patients you must understand yourselves. And finally as Dr. Ramsey would say you should observe everyone.” Again it was heard a big laughter as he did an impression on him. “Anyways, you will have the chance to know him, now I must go back to work as you should do the same. Have a nice day doctors! We’re expecting the best from you.”

“Thank you Dr. Banerji!” When Naveen and Harper left another attending came in front of the other doctors- Dr. Edgar Allen.

“So, I think now that we have done our pleasantries, I’d like to call the surgical interns names to assign their cases whereas you internal medicine will be assigned under Dr. Delarosa’s and Dr. Mirani’s. Understood?”Everyone nodded and from the looks of it he was the harshest doctor they have encountered by far, leaving Zaid out of the black list.

“I despise this man so much.” Zaid grumbled under his breath enough for Ines to hear it.

“Don’t worry Zaid.” She assured him again with that infectious smile which made him less angry than he was. “He’s always like that. We can’t change someone’s personality hm?” He nodded in agreement.

Before calling the names Simon came closer to Edgar clearly not liking the way he was prodding.

“Shouldn’t you be less grumpy among them? It’s their first day and they don’t deserve this kind of treatment.”

“Hmph. Or what else is going to happen Dr. Tennant? I’m really curious about it ‘cause right now I’m shaking from your concern for such minions.”

Simon felt his narrowed eyes dagger in Edgar’s saying in a hushed tone. “Watch your language Dr. Allen and may I remind you where did your internship start huh?”

“Mass Kenmore.”

“Exactly. So if it wasn’t for Dr. Thorne’s insistence because you saved his life- your ass wouldn’t even reach in this position without him.” Edgar clenched his teeth in frustration knowing fully well that everything what Simon was saying was true. “Now you can continue doctor.”

With that Simon trailed off without sparing a glance to the worried look of interns noticing their little exchange not knowing what was said between them.

Klaw kept wondering where actually Dr. Ethan Ramsey was as he didn’t show up and was nowhere to be seen until Ines answered the same question raised by another intern who seemed to be just as curious as her.

“About Dr. Ramsey, we’re expecting him to come today from the Miami’s conference, so you don’t have to worry- you’ll meet him soon.” She assured the shy blonde guy who seemed to be more relieved now.

But still Klaw had gears on her mind about it if Dr. Ramsey would be present.

And how do we say it?

Some things happen in the most unexpected ways.

———————————————————————

Chapter 2: “First Impressions”

[starry--sarah]

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist Ep. 10

At this point, I’m just not going to review episode 9 because it’s not as important as this episode 10 and its not fresh on my mind because of the break. But here we go 

Review 

I can identify this episode only as a glorious trainwreck, The acting in this episode was amazing especially by Jane Levy, Alex Newell, and John Clarence Stewart and the way the show tackled Zoey’s built-up grief was well done. That being said I did not like the way the show went. 

Max 

Poor dude. He just wants some answers and tbh the emotional pain he’s been putting himself through these past couple episodes all for Zoey must be hard. He has his catty moments yes. But we are starting to see the Simon/Zoey to Zoey/Max parallels. I can say in full honesty that the blow up was well deserved. This is his best friend (and love) and she’s slipping away from him so quickly that it makes sense for him to stay with the 6th floor. Everyone has a breaking point and he’s finally gotten to his. 

Zoey 

Hunny.. what. the. heck. What are you doinggggg. While I 100% understand how shes losing her dad right now. To get in a fight with Mo who has been the voice of reason in her life and only wants what’s best for her. Girl couldn’t even buy her BEST FRIEND a farewell gift. Like not even a pen, because she “forgot”, amazon is a thing you wouldn’t even have to go out, and then to basically tell Max that he didn’t deserve that promotion and he’s not talented… like HuH? Not to mention Howie. On top of all that to just call Simon over like that and just try to hook up no big deal. It all just was just reckless. I understand why some of it had to be done but the Max thing was way harsh. But hopefully in the next episode she can get some clarity because its not 100% her fault either 

Simon 

Yikes. But also I saw a new side to him and it was weird because Simon was kinda acting like Max this episode talking it out with Z and the dance thing and dinner etc. and so my brain wired to “ooooooh cute” but my heart was like “no.no. we’re team Max”. I think that by taking Simon out of the picture while he’s in Vegas will give Zoey some air and will give her time to sort out the things going on with Max 

Joan and Leif 

AHAHA Leif my man. Who-da thought he would be in love first. Mr. “I put a spell on you”. BAHAHAH. But him going to the 6th floor with Max is kinda iconic I’m not going to lie. I’m interested to see the friendship that brews the next episode. 

  Theory/Concept for the next two episodes  

Ok so after consulting discord, group chats, and youtube videos this is what I’ve come up with. Mitch will pass away sometime in the next two episodes. The big 7-minute song that was taken in one take is American Pie. They say this because (and don’t bank on it because it’s not from a confirmed source this is what the discussion on discord has been)  in a guess the song with Alex Newell and Skylar Astin video all the songs have been on the show except for American Pie and also there really isn’t any other iconic song that 7 minutes long that fits the show. There can be two scenarios that I can think of for this song the first being this song is perfect for Mitch to sing to Zoey before he dies. Or it could be something that the whole cast sings at Mitch’s funeral. We do know there will be a funeral because in the youtube video “Alex can’t stop talking about Glee” it shows both Alex and Skylar in funeral wear. Clothes they have not yet worn and season two hasn’t even been renewed yet. But I’m getting ahead of myself… Episode 11 starts with Joan maybe overhearing that Leif and Max are going to a bar due to their newfound friendship formed from the 6th floor and more importantly “losing their women” to put it in bro terms. Joan realizes that there is definitely something going on with Zoey and Max (plus Simons out of the way while he’s in Vegas but that’ll come into play in a bit) she asks Zoey to go out for some drinks at that same bar ( you can see in the promo as she rolls away from Zoey’s desk)  in order to get them to reconcile and she is referring to Max when she says “you will never get this time back” then leading into Max and Leif seeing them and then singing bye bye bye. Or Joan and Zoey happen to be at the same bar because Joan is upset about Leif and Joan was just talking about Z’s dad either way with the clarity of Simon being away and Bye Bye Bye Zoey is starting to work out her feelings for Max (romantically but not super in-depth). Bye, Bye, Bye made her realize she doesn’t want this and wants to make up she misses her best friend and has real feelings for him. Around this time something drastic happens to Mitch, maybe critical condition maybe he passes away (beforehand singing American pie) Zoey is devastated and Max is the one there for her. Be it she comes to him or he happens upon her. It also makes sense because Mo will be having problems with Eddie and Simon is away. She’s upset and then he sings his second song, this is confirmed by the Livestream that Jane and Skylar did during the break. Its some kind of Heartfelt/Romantic song I’m thinking True Colors to mirror Mitch’s rendition in episode 1 and this ladies and gentlemen is when Zoey FINALLY realizes her true feelings for the person that’s been there for her since day one and has loved her unconditionally (even though they had the fight doesn’t mean he doesn’t still care for her) then proceed to the whole funeral two scenarios theory and there you go   

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 16X12

I watched the new episode of Grey’s Anatomy over the weekend. I liked it. It was a standalone that focused on some of the characters I'm less interested in so it wasn't as thrilling as it could have been but it was good. One thing I loved about this episode and last week’s was the humour! They’ve really brought the humour back to Grey’s Anatomy and I am here for it! We could all use a laugh these days. Meredith’s Voice Over this week is about secrets and how they all come out eventually. Very true. I loved her line, “The question is what are your body’s secrets? And are you ready to know?” We all fear the truth sometimes. Meredith Grey asking the real questions. 

Maggie and Jackson run into each other at the hospital. We find out that she took Richard’s advice and went to ask Koracick for her job back. He hasn’t decided yet. Jerk. Jackson proceeds to throw shade and Maggie throws it right back. That’s my girl! We find out that Maggie and Jackson have been invited to what they think is Richard and Catherine’s anniversary dinner. Next we see Catherine and Richard arguing. We find out the dinner is actually happening so they can tell their kids that they’re separating. Yikes! The other clue here is that judging by the promo Meredith does not attend. If it was a real anniversary dinner Meredith would absolutely be in attendance because Richard is like a father to her. 

Her absence really should have tipped Maggie off that something was wrong. That being said, Maggie’s been going through a tough time recently and got kinda drunk pretty soon after arriving and she is historically pretty oblivious sometimes so I guess I can’t blame her for that. Meanwhile Levi is at home recovering and Nico is there helping him. Awww they’re so cute! I love them together. I loved Levi’s line, “Except for the ball gag and jock strap were good.” LOL! 

We find out that Levi’s Great Uncle Saul is in hospice and he’s dying. According to Levi he was an ass to everyone else except him and he’s devastated that he’s dying. Poor Levi. Meanwhile, Maggie shows up for dinner at Richard and Catherine’s very nice house. She wishes them a happy anniversary and gifts them chocolates. Richard and Catherine are stunned. They completely forgot it was coming up. Oh boy. 

Jackson arrives next and wishes them the same and gifts them an Alice Mann painting all the way from South Africa. Maggie feels bad for only bringing them chocolates. Catherine tries to smooth things over. Richard wants to cut to the chase and tell them. Catherine wants to hold off and gets everybody wine. You can see where this is going. Then the doorbell rings. It’s Vic from Station 19! Jackson invited her because he thought it was a dinner party. And she brought Dean because she thought it was a party party, not a dinner party and as we later learn is trying to set Maggie and him up since he previously showed an interest in her. 

Meanwhile, Levi comes to visit Uncle Saul with Nico in tow. They banter and then Saul chastises him for still living in his mother’s basement. Levi beats around the bush and Uncle Saul is having none of it. “You think I’m getting on a roof with a bugle horn anytime soon?” Oh Uncle Saul! With that Levi introduces Nico as his boyfriend and comes out as gay to his uncle. Nico goes to shake his hand and Uncle Saul promptly dies right in front of them! Only on Grey’s! Which results in a stunned Levi uttering the phrase, “I killed him. I killed him with my gayness.” Oh my god! Interestingly Justin Chambers is still credited on this episode even though he does not appear. As with last week’s episode this is likely because he was away but still under contract and expected to return when this episode was shot last year. 

I think we’ll start to see more obvious storyline changes beginning with episode 13 as it would have been the first one filmed in the new year either during or after Justin decided to leave the show. It’s a shame we’ll never get to see the original storylines as they were planned, but Justin gave 15+ years to a show that nobody thought would make it past Season 1. So as much as I miss Alex as a character I get it. When it’s time to move on it’s time to move on. You have to do it when you feel ready and not by anyone else’s clock or timeframe. 

Back at the hospice Levi is doing his best to follow Jewish tradition with regards to Saul’s body. His Aunt shows up and then promptly peaces out! Oh man! Over at the dinner party Jackson is a complete ass and Maggie calls him on his crap completely! I’m so here for it! You tell him! You go Glen Coco! Catherine continues to be cold towards Vic and honestly I kind of love it! She asks Vic if she’s allergic to shrimp and in response Dean says, “Vic? No! She’ll put anything in her mouth!” Oh Dean. You are not helping. LOL! 

Dean and Maggie seem to get along well which is nice. Maybe there’s hope for them still. We find out from Vic that during her training the nickname first responders used to refer to Pac North was The Morgue! Oh boy. Back at the hospice Levi and Nico are playing cards. Nico still wants that sandwich. Levi’s a hard no. Then in walks a man who Levi doesn’t recognize but who clearly knows Saul. Then Levi introduces himself and the man recognizes him. He knows who he is because Saul talked about him all the time. My heart! 

He correctly identifies Nico as his boyfriend and Levi is confused. We find out that Uncle Saul was gay and this man was his partner. Twist! We find out that Saul and Daniel were the loves of each other’s lives and that Daniel is heartbroken at his passing. I guess Levi’s gayness didn’t kill Uncle Saul after all! That’s a relief! Back at dinner Maggie shares Catherine and Richard’s proposal story and then Jackson makes this lovely speech about how they’re the gold standard. Which would be wonderful if they weren’t separating. 

Catherine and Richard talk in the kitchen. Catherine gets emotional and says that maybe they’ve been too hasty with the separation. Richard agrees and says that if he wants things to move forward he needs her to apologize. He says he knows that doesn’t come easy for her, but to him he can’t move forward with her without it. I loved their exchange. “Richard I am sorry, but-” “Apologies don’t have the word ‘but’ after them.” Talk that truth Richard! Talk that truth! 

I’d really like it if we got more of an explanation of Catherine’s actions. They still haven’t explained why she didn’t stand up for Richard or didn’t apologize afterward or try to fix it. Back at the hospice Daniel and Levi lovingly prepare Saul’s body in accordance with the Jewish tradition. It’s very moving. I loved Daniel’s line, “Your generation takes for granted what is possible.” It’s heartbreaking but also true. There’s some really wonderful commentary here about how far social attitudes and legal rights have come for gay people in the U.S. and elsewhere in the last few decades. Like many things we, the younger generations, often take hard won victories and certain possibilities for granted. This scene made cry because as Daniel says the fact that our generation can even do that for a second is reason to hope for a better tomorrow. The acting was very well done.

Back at dinner Maggie and Jackson are arguing about his yacht when Richard gets a text that he’s very happy about. Catherine goes off because she thinks he’s talking to his girlfriend. He’s not. It turns out the text is from Alex. Richard has been talking to him about making Maggie an offer to run their Cardio Department and he’s approved it. Judging from this information and other info we’ve received Alex is still living in Seattle, still running Pac North, still married to Jo, and still spending time with Meredith. 

So does this mean their new plan is to off screen his character? Justin Chambers has moved on but the character of Alex will continue to exist off screen? Not sure how I feel about this yet. On the one hand I don’t want them to kill him off on the other I hate not seeing him and want him to get a proper send off. But this also leaves it open for him to come back on screen in the series finale which I would love. It’s clear to me that they had a storyline planned out for Alex’s character and Pac North prior to this. Obviously since the actor had moved on they are having to scrap and rework that plan. I’m sad we’ll never see the intended version. 

But at the same I also respect that an actor has the right to move on when they’re ready to do so especially after 15 years. It sucks for the character but it’s good for Justin Chambers so it’s a toss up as a fan. Also why is Catherine outraged? Koracick said he’d think about it when Maggie talked to him. You snooze you lose pal. Also why is Jackson such a patronizing entitled asshat these days? What’s up with that? 

Things finally come to a head at dinner and Catherine and Richard finally announce that they are separating. Poor Dean. He gets invited to what he thinks is a party and instead winds up at someone’s break up dinner. Fun! Catherine and Richard both leave the table and Jackson and Maggie follow them out. I’ll give Jackson one thing: he’s a wonderful and loving son. He’s there comforting his mom when Vic comes to drop off some plates. Catherine finally warms to her and offers her some cobbler. It’s a very sweet moment. 

Meanwhile Maggie and Richard talk outside. They have a heart to heart and then Maggie asks about the job offer. It’s a lot of money. She’s surprised Alex thinks she’s worth that much. Richard says he thinks so too. She accepts! It seems to me that the original storyline would have seen Maggie, Richard, Owen, and Alex working together at Pac North. But since Justin Chambers has moved on it looks like that will be happening off screen now. 

As everyone prepares to leave Vic and Maggie talk it out and clear the air. I’m glad they did. They’re issue is with Jackson not with each other. We cut to Levi and Nico. They’re back at home packing up his things. His mom comes downstairs. Levi explains that Uncle Saul is gone and that he’s moving out. Levi gives this great speech to his mom about how he’s super gay and that his mom saying she accepts him but not telling anyone isn’t really acceptance and he can’t do this anymore. Because Levi’s made a decision. He doesn’t want to wait until he’s old and dying to be free. He wants to be free and live openly now as a gay man and be happy. Levi’s mom thinks Nico put him up to this but as Levi explains he loves her but he has to do this. 

I’m so proud of Levi! Standing up to family is hard especially when you love them but you have to do it. Back at the house Catherine and Richard argue. Richard asks if Catherine was hoping he’d fail when he took the job at Pac North. She says she hoped he’d come to his senses and asks if Maggie turned down his absurd offer. Why does Catherine think the offer is absurd? It’s more than Grey Sloan was paying her clearly and they indicated they weren’t interested. Why wouldn’t she take it?

Richard has had enough. He calls Catherine out on her need to control everything and that the success of Pac North is because of him and that she had nothing to do with it and it’s killing her. I’m glad Richard is finally calling Catherine out on her need to control everything. It really is absurd. In response Catherine calls someone named Harry and asks them to find out how much it would cost to buy Pac North. Seriously? This woman would rather buy a struggling hospital than apologize to her husband? 

I saw the Catherine Fox Foundation buying Pac North as a likely resolution to the storyline but I pictured in a more positive way. This is just mean and spiteful. I figured Alex and Richard would turn Pac North around, make it a great hospital, and bring it up to Grey Sloan’s level. At which point Catherine and the other doctors would see the value in it and offer to make Pac North part of the Foundation. That way everyone would keep their jobs but we would see the doctors go back and forth. However, that plan obviously involves Alex being on screen as he’s the Chief. I’m wondering if Justin’s departure caused them to have to rewrite this storyline in a more negative way or if that was the plan all along. 

It’s impossible to say and we’ll never know for sure, but one thing that is evident to me is that the writers and showrunners didn’t think Justin would be leaving this season or this soon in the season. If they had known they would have written this storyline differently. That being said everyone has a right to move on when they’re ready to do so and it’s up to the writers to make it work now that the actor has moved on. 

Also did this woman just threaten to shut down an entire hospital that employs hundreds of people just to spite her husband for succeeding without her? WTF?!?! Where would those people go? Where would their patients go? Mercy West Medical Centre and Seattle Grace Hospital merged years ago, Dillard Medical Centre was shut down for obvious reasons, and the show has established that both Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital and Seattle Presbyterian Hospital run at capacity patient wise. Where would they go? 

I feel like Catherine’s line at the end about not being sorry was supposed to be empowering but to me it just felt cold, selfish, and cruel. Richard didn’t do anything to her. Richard stood up and stood alongside Meredith who he loves like a daughter and instead of trying to understand that Catherine is acting like he betrayed her. Next week’s promo seems to be more Station 19 oriented and doesn’t really tell us much so I guess we’ll just have to wait and see! 

Until next time!

[gerec]

Fantasy AU - Charles/Jean

So I started a number of fics that I never finished in time for Rare Pairs Fest, which I’m sort of bummed about because I liked the prompts a lot and the ideas that were starting to form; I just couldn’t quite find the motivation to get them to completion ugh. But I’ve decided to post what I have written of these stories so far, in the hopes that sending it out into wide world might get the Muse excited about picking them up again lol.

Pairing: Jean/Charles, implied Erik/Charles, implied Erik/Raven Warning: Non graphic (non sexual) violence towards an underage character 

@lachatblanche‘s Prompt: Charles and Jean have always had a very special relationship, ever since she was young. No matter what happened or who passed in and out of their lives, that bond has always remained strong and unbroken.

Nothing has ever come between them. And, if Jean has her way, nothing ever will ...

Note: The tenses are a little wonky here but it would all get cleaned up in a final edit if I wrote more. :D

-----------------------

Green, they say, is a fitting choice for a bride, representing harmony, and renewal, and the freshness of Spring.

Blue, they say, is an apt pick for the soon-to-be-Queen, to rule at the King’s side bathed in his colors. 

Instead it’s the color red that Jean chooses for this long awaited day, the hue of blood, and of fire, and the sacrifices made along the way.

x

Jean understood that she had a different life once, with a mother and father who loved her, and who did their best to dote on their only daughter. Theirs was a poor but relatively happy existence, in a mud-caked village with a long forgotten name. She could still recall vague snippets of their life together on that farm; her father tending the sheep while her mother worked the loom, and days spent growing herbs and tomatoes in their tiny garden.

And then one day, her powers came, and everything she’d ever known changed in an instant.

“Those are good memories, Jean,” Charles had told her once, after she woke up in tears, crying desperately for parents who were long gone and buried. “It’s alright to hold on to them, and leave the other ones behind.”

But she would never let herself forget, even if she could; the weird angle of her mother’s broken neck, her limp body thrown clear of their overturned cart. Her father’s tear stained face as he cried out to the heavens, calling Jean ‘a wretched witch’ for killing his beloved wife. The villagers’ mocking words as they dragged her eight year old self, kicking and screaming to the pyre, tying her to the stake.

Her father turning away without a word, as they set the wood beneath her ablaze.  

She had called out for him then, and also for God; for someone, please anyone, to save her from a horrific fate. Instead they all stood by and did nothing, too afraid to show a little girl either mercy or restraint. It was their hatred, and their terror that stoked the sleeping fire at her core, unleashing the devastation that would engulf everything in its wake.  

They found her alone and unharmed on top of the pyre, and the entire village around her reduced to nothing but ashes.

It was his face that she saw when she first opened her eyes, and his brilliant mind that reached out to welcome her in. He looked upon Jean with tender kindness and care, without the judgement of those who had known her all her young life. The relief she felt brought fresh tears to her eyes, for no one – not even her own parents – ever understood what she was, or loved her as he did without fear or reservation.

Don’t be afraid, Jean, he said in her head, as strong arms cradled her gently against his breastplate. I’ve got you now, darling girl, and I promise you’ll be safe. No one will ever hurt you again, I swear it.  

Please, she answered, and it was so easy talking this way, without the wasteful inaccuracy of the spoken word. Can I go with you, wherever you live? They don’t want me here…and my father…

Can’t hurt you anymore, he said, his inner voice rough with feeling, brimming with such hurt and anger for the evils of men. She knew that his name was Charles, and he was searching for more people like them, with special gifts that were unappreciated, and often misunderstood. I would have you stay with me as long as you wish, he whispered in her head. Be my family, Jean, and I’ll be there for you, always.

I’ll stay with you forever, Jean vowed, with every fiber of her being. I’ll always be by your side.

x

She finds him awake in his room late into the night, bottles tipped over on the table and strewn carelessly on the floor. He’s been crying, his eyes rimmed red and shot through with blood, body huddled in a ball on his four poster bed. Jean wants to weep too, seeing him suffer like this, watching him crumble under the weight of such utter betrayal.

It’s a relief that he doesn’t realize the truth of it; that it was three people and not two, that has hurt and deceived him.

“How could this have happened?” Charles asks, eyeing the bottle in his hand, speaking not to Jean but to the quiet of his half empty quarters. “Why didn’t I see it when it was right in front of me?”

Once, he would have seen clearly through Jean’s calm exterior, plucking the gnawing guilt from her thoughts as easily as ripe fruit from a tree. He would see both the conflict and the shame, and catch the barest hint of remorse, hidden behind a wall of steadfast determination. He would see the motive behind all of Jean’s lies and machinations, and know that she did it for him; to protect him from those who would do him the most harm.

“Shh,” Jean says instead, folding him tenderly into her arms, a reversal of roles to the many nights he held her close and chased away the bad dreams. “It wasn’t your fault, Charles. Never yours.”

“I just can’t believe—” He shudders as Jean rubs his back soothingly, resting his head in the crook of her neck. “My sister…and Erik…how could they, Jean? Why?”

His mind is a maelstrom of confusion and pain, his shields non-existent – safe in the presence of the only one left he can trust. There are others of course, like Hank and Ororo, and even the Summers brothers Alex and Scott; but none he loves as he’s always loved Jean, who shares both his vision for peace and his formidable power.     ��

“I have no answer for you,” she says, because she knows he doesn’t truly want one, no matter his words. “And certainly none that will make things right.” She strokes his hair from his forehead and kisses him gently, and lays them both carefully onto the bed. “But you still have me, Charles, and I swear to you – I’ll never leave you, not now. Not ever.”

He smiles, and brushes her cheek with his fingers, and does not stop when she takes his hand and presses it against her breast.

“You’re so very beautiful, my darling girl,” he murmurs, stroking her long auburn hair, eyes filled with an ocean of unearned grief and pain. “We mustn’t. It’s not right,” he adds, after Jean kisses him, slowly, gently, coaxing his mouth open as he lies helpless in her embrace.

But Charles is drunk, and Jean is a girl no longer, and everything that happens next is as inevitable as the sunrise.  

[malex-love-letters]

Another Drink Could Save My Life

Thank you @theemmaarthur for requesting this prompt, I hope you enjoy it.  It’s #66 - I won’t let you get hurt.  It’s light angst with fluff.

Alex making fun of the crash site, of him, it devastates him, though he’d never admit to it.  And really, hadn't he bought it on himself?  If he’d been honest with Alex, and trusted him with his secret, then he wouldn’t be drunk off his ass stumbling home from The Wild Pony, trying not to crumble and fall apart.

It’s dusk when the headlights of Alex’s car rouse him from his drunken nap.  He’d somehow made it back to the ranch and fallen asleep in the field, gazing up at the sky, waiting. He was a grown goddamn man, but he still hoped like a naive child that someone would come for him.  He'd laugh if he weren't so fucking sad, about the irony of Alex always coming back to him, that Alex was more his family than some unknown entities flying around in spaceships.

Alex doesn’t offer a greeting but lays down beside him with a sigh and reaches for his hand.  He'd seen the look on Michael's face earlier, as he left.  He didn't know what it'd meant, just assumed he'd failed him again in some way.  They were always having these petty arguments, both too scared of what could be if they just loved without fear.  Then Maria had called, worried by Michael's parting words, and he'd jumped straight in his car.

”I’m sorry I left you earlier, you looked upset.”

Michael shrugs, 'Nah, I'm fine.  You've mistaken me for someone who cares enough to be upset."

Alex doesn't react.  He can hear it; the way Michael doesn't even believe his own words. ��He's used to the invisible shield Michael uses to keep people at arm's length, but it needs to stop.  They need to stop hurting each other.  Alex rolls and faces him, reaching over and gently encouraging Michael to turn his head.  Michael resists for a beat, only letting his forehead fall against Alex's, as Alex breathes, "Michael."

A stray tear escapes and slides down Michael’s cheek.  He's too vulnerable; everything is too raw to keep his macho facade in place.

”I’m sorry," Michael whispers, closing his eyes.  "I've lied to you."

Alex squeezes his hand and tightens his grip. He’s always known Michael to be truthful to a fault; he would only ever lie to protect the people he loved.

”I know you, Michael. You’d only lie to me if you had to.”

Michael opens his eyes and visibly swallows.  He's terrified that he'll lose Alex forever, that he'll be too much, or not enough.  Alex sees the fear and anguish, and it physically hurts him to watch Michael like this, but he won’t look away. He can’t.  He reaches for Michael again, fingers curling around his forearm.

”It’s okay; you’re safe with me, I won’t let you get hurt,” he reassures, maintaining eye contact.

Michael sniffles at that. His chest aches with love for Alex, and he wants to tell him, now more than ever. He doesn’t want there to be any more secrets between them.

With pleading eyes, Michael asks, ”Do you trust me?”

Alex props himself up on an elbow, eyebrows drawn together in confusion.  

”Michael.” He implores, ”It’s me, I’ve loved you for over a decade. I trust you; I’ve always trusted you.”

Alex watches another tear roll down Michael’s cheek. He swipes it away with his thumb and rests his hand against Michael’s chest.  Michael's eyes slide closed, concentrating on the weight of Alex's hand there; feeling his heartbeat slow and his thoughts coalesce.  It's now, or never.

”I love you, too, Alex.”

Alex smiles at him.  Even though he's always known, Michael loves him, the way it sounds out loud is beyond perfection.  Michael leans in, pressing his mouth to Alex's.  It lasts only a moment as if Michael is getting in one last kiss.  Alex watches Michael’s gaze change. His eyes squint and lips press together in extreme concentration. Then he points toward the airstream.

Moments later, Alex is shocked to see what looks like a piece of paper, float out of the open window of the airstream. He looks at Michael who's fixated on the article, then back toward it, still drifting toward them.  It almost dances in the air as it moves closer as if Michael is a wizard using a wand.  When it's within arms reach, Alex sees what it is.  It's something he's looked at considerably in the last ten years.  Michael lets it hover there above him, only just visible in the headlights.

"I’m an alien, Alex," Michael whispers, as the photo falls on to Alex's chest. Alex stares at him, mouth ajar. He slowly picks up the photograph. The two kids in it had nothing but each other, and a couple of guitars.  And just like that, he knows it's the truth. Michael is an alien.

He should be using some of his close combat training to pin him down, or at the very least, not be laying passively next to an alien that can levitate objects with his brain. He should be concerned about his safety.  But for reasons he can't explain, he doesn’t do anything.  He feels perfectly safe.

Michael Guerin is an alien, and he doesn’t care.

Aliens exist, and he doesn't care.

He. Doesn’t. Care.

Michael is looking away, anticipating the harsh blow of being rejected, again.  At least, he thought bitterly; he was getting used to it.  He's amazed when Alex grasps his chin, turning his head so he can look him in the eyes.

”I know what you’re doing, but you don’t have hide anymore; I’m not going anywhere.”

To reiterate his point, Alex flops down on his back and grabs Michael’s hand again.  Looking up at the beautiful New Mexico sky, he gets why Michael was laying here, and it hurts to think about how lonely Michael must have been while he was in the Airforce.

”Alex?” Michael asks, a touch of worry in his voice, ”You heard me correctly, right? I’m an alien.”

"Michael," Alex breathes, bringing their linked hands to his lips and kissing Michael's fingers softly. ”I don’t care. I’m in love with you.”

"Right." Michael acknowledges, disbelieving that after all these years, it could be this easy.  That Alex would accept him, no questions asked.  Alex loves all of him.  He swallows down another overwhelming wave of emotions.  "So, you have any questions about me?"

Alex looks thoughtful.  He had questions, obviously, but right now he just wants Michael to know that he's here for him, that he loves him.

"So you can move things with your mind?" Alex asks because that seems like a safe question.

Michael smiles, small and shy.  "Ahh, yeah. Move, lift," he pauses for a second, knowing the next admission will surprise Alex, "Ah, I can lock and unlock things too."

Alex looks scandalised.

"You mean to tell me, the day I was mad about Kristy Torvel flirting with you, and we got locked in the art room 'accidentally', you could’ve gotten us out?"

"Ummm, yes," Michael answers like a naughty child, face a picture of innocence.

Alex punches him hard in the arm.

"Ouch!  Oh, come on, as if you didn't enjoy all the making up we did, once you forgave me."

Alex laughs, it bubbles out of him easily, and it feels wonderful.  That was a night he often remembered fondly.  "Poor unsuspecting, Mr Chapel!"

Michael grins at him. ”Pfft, Mr Chapel failed me at art in seventh grade; he deserved it.”

The End.