#details below the cut !!!

[plaguedpriest]

dynasties & dystopia

lord give me strenght to draw clothes this detailed ever again 😭

[jalo-parker]

Idk I just felt like drawing a snake lady and then Cleo came to mind

The tiny little snakes are so wonderful I love them.. (version without drapey fabric below cut. There's no nips though so it's not like fully just boob? Idk ����)

I drew all the anatomy and then realized if I wanted to add clothes I'd have to redraw parts of it so I just gave up..

Free the titty (tunglr olease don't smite me for this it's not graphic 😟)

[ftm-radio]

My gender is 4 years old

...and four days, as of April 15th. This post is a bit late. 😅

Four years ago, all the confusing little puzzle pieces I'd been collecting came together in a genuine eureka! moment and I realized I was transgender. It was exhilarating and terrifying and it undeniably changed my life for the better.

The last few years have felt pretty damn slow and I've had to scramble over a few frustrating obstacles (never changing my name AGAIN, lmao, that was annoying as fuck) but it's all been worth it and now it feels like I'm really making headway.

I started testosterone this past year! I did that! I'm almost 7 months on T now! Currently on a dose of two pumps of gel, which I have only missed applying once in all that time because I was literally sick. The changes are gradual but they are real and they have already brought me so much joy and made me so much happier in my humble flesh prison. 💗

The most anticipated change for me (and for a lot of transmasc folks, I imagine) is my voice, and BOY (heh) am I happy to share this data comparison with you:

[ LEFT: A screenshot from the Voice Pitch Analyzer app, dated November 3rd, 2021. It shows that OP's voice registers fully within the female voice range. RIGHT: Another screenshot from the app, dated April 12th, 2024. This one shows that OP's voice registers mostly between the Androgynous and Male voice ranges. ]

My voice is so different now. It sounds different, it feels different, and in just the last week or so I swear it has gotten a little rougher and raspier and I am LIVING. I could not be happier!!!

...okay, fine, I could be happier lmao.

I'm adjusting to my deeper voice and still learning how to use it in a way I like & that feels best to me, so I'm starting to do some casual at-home voice training again after basically forgetting about the concept completely since 2021. (Whoops.) But I am already so much happier and more content with my voice than I have ever been in my life, so it's only getting better from here, lads. <3

I've also had to go to a lot of appointments and answer a ton of phone calls about said appts recently because I kinda fucked up my eyeball (it's better now, don't worry! and be gentle to your eyes, they are delicate and eye drops are so fucking annoying when you're doing them seven times a day, jfc) and my voice has reached a point where I was a lot more comfortable interacting with strangers and I also didn't notice any surprise or confusion when I introduced myself with a male name! It was kind of amazing.

Also singing is even more fun now. I love love LOVE singing along with a male vocalist and feeling the way my voice kinda rumbles through my chest. 10/10 sensory experience.

Other changes aren't nearly as exciting or obvious as my voice, but here's a quick (?) rundown, for those who are curious:

Mood — Gotta be honest, I don't think I've really noticed any significant change in my day-to-day mood, though I may not be the best judge for this because I have trouble figuring out what/how I'm feeling in general, tbh. But I think I have certainly gotten more comfortable and content with myself and I'd even go so far as to say I feel a little more confident these days. It's nice, I appreciate it.

Acne — I definitely noticed a change in how my acne presents itself on my face. I wouldn't say it's worse than before (I've had very bad acne since I was a young teenager and only got medication for it like, last year which has helped immensely) but I think it's different. More little red spots and roughness than the unpleasant and painful pimples I'm used to. I don't even mind it, really. Oddly affirming.

Facial Hair — I've got facial hair. I really do!!! Not clickbait!!! It's not much, not enough for me to be brave and take my dad up on his offer of shaving lessons quite yet, but it has grown in enough that I don't feel silly including it in self portraits! 🤭🧔🏻 Got a little bit of a mustache happening, a little bit at the sides of my face, some fuzz on my chin (with one LONG hair that I can only assume has been greedy and stealing his brothers' growth), and a frankly surprising lil patch of hair under my jaw. On a semi-related note, not sure if my brows have gotten much darker/thicker. They might have? idk.

my new discord icon, hehe... 👁💜🪓

Body Hair — I have gotten a little more hair on my forearms, and it may have gotten a little darker too! I have a tattoo on my arm just below my left wrist and it's been surprisingly helpful for measuring arm hair growth because for years my tattoo was not covered by hair at all but the left side of it's a little fuzzy now... 😏 I've gotten more noticeable hair growth on my upper arms, which were basically hairless before (free gender euphoria every time I put on my T) and on my thighs. Don't think my lower legs have gotten much hairier, and I'm a little impatient about it lmao. I want to get hairy enough to rival my brother.

Energy/Appetite — Can't say I've really noticed any differences here? I am not a very active person and I already struggled with appetite and getting myself to eat before I started T (thank you adhd & poor eating habits 🥲💀), so I can't quite tell if I'm ignoring more hunger signals than usual. 😅 I am hoping to get more active and start doing more physical activity now that it's starting to get warmer outside again, so hopefully that will help me see these sorts of changes and also get me into some better eating habits as I expend more energy and work up a proper appetite! (Also, since we're on the topic... a reminder for all of us that taking care of yourself and feeding the body you live in is a million times more important than aesthetics and numbers on a scale. ❤)

Menstruation — I am still getting my period right on schedule, but I am happy to say it is considerably lighter than it was before I started testosterone! My period has begun getting shorter, too. It lasted for roughly 7–9 days before, but I was bleeding for exactly 7 days last month, and only 6 days this month. I'm not sure if this trend will continue at such a dramatic rate, but if my next round is only 5 days I will be very excited about it, lol. My uterus can retire any day now, please...

Bottom Growth — if any of my friends read this part, don't speak to me about it lmao — Yeah... there's a little bit of something happening down there. Not a lot, and I haven't really noticed any pain or sensitivity, but there's a Difference. Aaaaand I like it. 😌 I am looking forward to any and all future developments. 😏👉🏻👉🏻

Okay! I think that's it, really.

I know I haven't been super active on this blog for quite a while now (I have really gotten into fandom blogging on my main lmao, and also discord is my favorite thing right now, it's where 90% of my friends live) so I hope this nice, long, ramble-y post makes up for that a little bit. <3

Not gonna make any promises that I'll post here more often, but y'know. I might. It could happen. Definitely not leaving this blog to sit and gather dust, that's for sure. I'll still be reblogging stuff semi-frequently, even if I'm not writing up my own posts.

So goodbye for now, and thanks for tuning in! 👋🏻📻💖💙✨️

[aregebidan]

Every woman has the power to make beautiful the man she loves. / You will give me a name someday, and I live in terror of that day.

Happy belated Halloween to the film that stole my heart </3

[multiversal-madness]

Professor Layton Au - Pandora's Call

((I have made an intro post for this au before but it's been a while and things have changed so here we go))

The Pandora's Call Au follows the idea of pairing the games (+ the movie and crossover) and merging them together, combining the stories and mysteries while changing some other story details to fill the gaps left behind.

The namesake of this Au (and the first combination to be created), Pandora's Call is the combination of Pandora's Box and Spectre's Call.

It follows the Professor and his new assistant Emmy as they investigate the Elysian box. They follow its trail to the ghost town Folsense where they must uncover the secrets behind the spectres — two large and formless entities that fight in the streets — the Spirit — a figure commanding the animals of the town into harassing visitors — and the Golden Kingdom — a castle rumoured to be buried beneath Folsense originating from the Azran.

The Black Ravens are instead the Raven's Guild located in Dropstone and while they do participate in the market, they're more so 'adventurers' that oversee most of the travel to the ghost town.

Arianna isn't sick, Tony doesn't dress up as Seamus and Evan Barde doesn't die, they live in Dropstone together peacefully.

Instead of the manatee like creature she is in canon, Loosha is instead a Quetzalcoatlus that flew out of the Golden Kingdom when she was small enough for Luke to hold.

And Luke Triton is instead Lord Luke Herzen, the grandson of Duke Anton Herzen, raised by his grandfather in Folsense with his only contact with the world outside Folsense being when he uses the animals of Folsense to scare away outsiders.

The other game pairings in this Au are as follows:

Eternal Diva + Curious Village — Eternal Village

St Mystere exists on the island of Ambrosia, the looming tower is mixed with Descole's castle and the Whistler and Reinhold families are combined. Flora and Melina are sisters and Melina's consciousness is put into a robot after she dies.

Miracle Mask + PLvsAA — Mysterious Mask

Labyrinthia is its own world accessible through the Akbadain ruins which is where Randall ended up when he fell, the magic is real (but bound to that one area) and the one behind the Masked Gentleman is the Storyteller (Descole isn't in this one due to Dahlia related injuries).

Lost Future + Azran Legacy — Lost Legacy

Mostly follows the plot of Azran Legacy, but Bill Hawks has disappeared in a time machine related incident and someone claiming to be Luke from the future joins them on their journey. Targent makes it to each location first so they have to use a rudimentary time machine that can only go back a few days to let them collect the eggs first. Also Clive is Luke's half brother, though he has to wear a purple wig to cover his blonde hair.

I do have some extra details for what happens outside the main 'games' as well, though this post is getting long so I'll put them under the cut for anyone who's interested (sorry it's also pretty long):

Clark and Brenda have been dead for around 10 years by the time Pandora's Call starts (though Brenda isn't quite gone), though Clark's death was confirmed while Brenda went missing on her own accord and was presumed dead

Losing Clark and then Brenda in short succession then only a few years later losing Claire left Hershel in a very bad place, he withdrew more so than before and became more reckless in the cases he'd pursue

After being beaten up by the government, Lucille and Roland were worried about him only having them and his mentor Dr Schrader to support him so Lucille called the Ledore household and asked if they would be willing to check in on Hershel, which they agreed and Henry went to go check on him

It was rocky at first, but Henry reaching out really helped Hershel and the two became friends again, Angela joining them too, though with Monte d'Or they couldn't be there all the time

During Hershel's 'reckless era' Henry would often be the one to come over and make sure he's eating enough and looking after his injuries (both from the government incident and injuries he gets while being reckless)

He has two major injuries around this time, one from before the Government beat down and one that ended his 'reckless era' and made him realise he couldn't keep doing this

The first happened the day Claire died. A young boy ran into the burning building next door to the lab to look for his parents and Hershel ran after him, burning his hands in the process of saving the kid

The second was when he was in a particularly bad place mentally, when he decided to look into the case of Claire's death a second time. He got further with his investigation, but then he was jumped and beat up worse than the first time, severely damaging one of his legs in the process and needing it to be amputated from the knee down (When it heals enough he gets a prosthetic, but he also carries a foldable cane and crutches in case he needs them)

On a brighter note, his reckless era did bring about one good change and that was running into his old 'friend' Paul who had also gotten involved in some shady dealings. After escaping the people Hershel was investigating/Paul was getting even with, they ended up reconnecting (things were a bit more complicated than that but this post is already too long-)

This Au's Hershel is a lot tidier than his canon counterpart, he also tends to collect odd souvenirs from his travels (traits he's picked up from Clark and Brenda, *gestures to 'guy who's nothing but the people he's lost' post*)

He's also a bit quicker to go against law enforcement when they're interfering with his investigations (nothing extreme of course, but he's definitely hidden evidence he hasn't had a chance to observe properly before an inspector could take it away)

And that's all I'll share for now. I have a lot planned for this Au and eventually I want to write a few fics for it too (a multichapter fic for each 'game' and a few oneshots too, though it is a very ambitious project) so we'll see what happens.

[moltenzephyr]

This is Oracle and Batgirl. What's your situation, Huntress?

Babs & Cass are outfitted! I'd like to make them a proper background, more clothes, computers/gadgets, and someday find Cass a petite Made to Move body, but for now I'm very excited to have them looking like themselves!

Barbara Gordon / Oracle is Signature Looks #13, who has a Made to Move Classic body, and the Victoria face sculpt screened with green eyes, blue eyeshadow, brickish red lips, and freckles.

Babs has a lot of curly red hair that I've pulled back in a low loose ponytail to get her profile closer to the 1990's/2000's Scully-esque long bob. Honestly the gorgeous mass of curls would be perfect for her if I was making her original Batgirl style. Maybe someday!

Cassandra Cain / Batgirl is Fashionista #145, who has a Petite minimal-articulation body, and the Mbili face sculpt screened with brown eyes, several beauty marks, and light peach lips.

Cass came with long dark brown hair with blonde highlights. I cut it, gave her bangs, and used Sharpie to darken the blonde... but it ran when I did the boil-wash to reshape her hair and got on her face. Can't get it off so far. Fortunately it's not as visible in photos as in person, and hey, this is Cass. It's in character for her to have grime or bruises.

Babs' strappy blue heels & Cass's yellow hightop converse are the shoes they came with. Babs' pants & Cass's top are from Disney ILY Ursula Fan. I hand sewed Cass's pants & Babs' shirt. The wheelchair is from Fashionista #194. Babs' glasses are jewelry wire I wrapped around a pen several times & pinches into shape.

[docmerlin]

echoes of wisdom fucks

wdym i can switch outfits. wdym i can dress up in a magical cat outfit that allows me to talk to cats. what do you MEAN

[onlyasimp4nobody]

Okay actually I. I yearn to yap about my previous reblog.

Pop culture depictions of Ares and adaptions have taken the concept of his godhood (god of war: specifically the battle and bloodlust) and have decided to associate modern-day personality traits that adhere to that theme. One of the most common being piece of shits, Ares being god of battle thus meaning he must be god of toxic masculinity, anger issues gruff buff old man dickwad behaviour. However this is far, FAR from how the mythos depicted him.

Also the turn-around is in online spaces outside of pop culture - Spaces that like to discuss Greek mythology itself there's this pseudo-fanonized concept he's the precise opposite, a feminist human rights activist have you or whatever and the most progressive god which... isn't fully a tap on the correct button either.

Ares is not an old hardened man, nor wise, he is youthful and boyish - He represents the warriors and is their muse in ancient Greece, just like the then soldiers; young men, young boys. He's passionate as they were to their cause and loyal and dedicated, and this does not just show by Ares' dedication to battle or his warrior-hood.

He did not view or treat Aphrodite as just a body and beauty to bed, he genuinely wanted her as a partner and loved her fully. This is why so many view the affair and love of the two as one of Aphrodite's few legitimate lovers. He respected her independent person hood because he loved her so intensely because he is intensity personified.

Yes many of the gods were protective and loved their children (mortal or/and God kids either), but Ares was of the most notable because of how out-of-the-way he went for them. On numerous occasions he defies his own father and king Zues himself for the sake of his children. He attends his children's weddings and cheers for them, seats himself amongst mortals to be with them. He mourned and grieved his children's deaths. He intervened and avenged them directly where the other gods simply sent monsters or omens as vengeance to those who killed their children. He would defy gods stronger and nobler than him and the law of Olympus itself for daring to defile his singular one daughter. He would come to and train even his far descendants the Amazonians be with them, aid them directly, they were his daughters. he was VERY dedicated and passionate as a parent.

Ares is very much the wrath of war, the loyalty of the Greek warriors, the brawn and never the brains (that status is handed to Athena and Zeus), but this isn't because he represents.. the bad or evil that wrath and bloodlust indicates into our modern society like misogyny and the such, neither does it implicate "Female rage" or whatever the fuck. This, wrath this brawns this warrior spirit was passion at its basis and unfiltered love. Ares was not a cold hardened embodiment of violence, he believed and cared so much his loyalty and love was an unstoppable bloody force the way the then warriors of Greece were to their nations and cause. His children, his lover (Aphrodite) and his beliefs.

[battywitch]

This setup is not totally finished because I've misplaced my tape and I'm waiting on some stamps that has one I'm going to use for my mood tracker, but I kinda maybe love this just a little?

This ticks off three of my goals for this year, which were to try waterfall tabs, to use some of my stationery supplies I've been scared to use, and also to experiment with spreads. (I have experimented a little already, but several elements this month are way outside my comfort zone.)

These colors are not true to life. I took the pictures in the middle of the night with mediocre lighting then edited to get kinda similar to the vibe I wanted. They're not horribly far off, at least on my screen, but they aren't an exact ttl match.

[junior-high-rui-official]

...

Rui wakes up on his couch-bed as his alarm goes off. 7am. Time to start the walk to school.

When he wakes up, it's quiet. It's too quiet, silence hanging in the air like fog. It makes his legs freeze up with an anxious dread, like the way the cold, misty air outside pierces his skin and makes it difficult to walk.

He looks around the sidewalk.

He doesn't belong here.

...once he reaches the school, he walks into his homeroom class, as usual. He doesn't want to- the dread travels up from the stagnant place it took in his leaden legs and travels up the rest of his body.

Taking a deep breath in and entering the classroom, squeezing his eyes shut while he tries to tune out the short murmur of giggles and indecipherable comments that take place whenever he enters this classroom.

He doesn't belong here.

For some reason, it feels worse.

Why can't he tune it out?

Why can't he tune anything out? Not the commentary of the students or the lessons from the teacher, nothing. It's beginning to get to him, but he'll manage.

...

The bell rings. He stands up.

He walks straight down the hall to the stairs, and trudges up them. Something is gnawing at him, scratching out a hole in his chest, it feels. The trip up the stairs seems longer than usual. His legs are sore by the end of it.

He sits down on the rooftop's bench.

Something's different.

What is it?

What's different?

What is it, grating down his heart so dreadfully?

...

Mizuki's not here.

That's what it is. Mizuki isn't here.

He opens his phone to message them, only to find their number isn't saved anymore.

Oh.

They must have blocked him.

He sits, paralyzed.

He wasn't supposed to be up here.

He doesn't belong here.

Mizuki would be there any moment, and she wouldn't want to see him up here.

She wouldn't want to be around him, period.

...

He remains there for an undetermined amount of time, before he suddenly stands up and begins to run. Down the stairs. Through the halls. Being up there must have warped time. he hears the end bell ring and sees students pack up. He's still running.

Running, until he reaches his house. It has an eerie aura about it. he can't call it home, no matter how he tries to. It's not his home. He doesn't belong here.

He stares at the residence next to it. Nene's.

It's like moving through tar, but he drags his feet to her front door, and rings the bell.

Nene opens the door. Her lavender eyes are...blank. looking straight at him, devoid of emotion. Devoid of any surprise, or timidity, or cheer, or anything.

She stares at him for what feels like an eternity. Time stops. He stops breathing. His heart stops beating. His blood turns to ice.

She closes the door in his face.

He hears the lock turn.

a wordless rejection.

He doesn't have a place here, either.

He doesn't belong here.

He doesn't belong here.

He doesn't belong here.

.

.

.

He wakes up with a start.

He can't see through the darkness of the room, nor can he hear anything over the ringing in his ears and his heart pumping ice-cold blood. He can feel his chest moving, pressing against the shaking hand he's clutched to it.

He reaches for his phone.

He turns on the screen.

4:38 A.M.

It was a dream.

He drops the phone, allowing it to slide down his leg, off the couch and come to a quiet thud on the floor.

Dream or not, it's left him horribly agitated. The feeling of loneliness- less like a gnawing feeling now and more like something that rips at his heart, tearing him apart from the inside out.

He didn't want to be alone.

He couldn't stand it, or the thought of it, but he had no choice at the moment. He felt strangled. He couldn't speak if he wanted to.

The dream... thinking about it shook something deep within him, something that made his body want to tear itself apart, that made his limbs feel like those of an inanimate ragdoll, that made his head feel full of static, that made his stomach churn and tie itself in knots.

...!!

Hardly able to move, he stumbles out of bed and across his room, dragging his blanket with him as he drops to his knees and grabs onto the small garbage can next to the door and begins retching and sputtering.

He can't do this. He can't.

He can't stand to be alone.

But that's all he is, is alone.

And it feels like that's all he ever will be.

...

once he can move again, he stands up on shaky legs, trying to get his bearings.

He can't. His head is spinning.

He creeps over to a corner of his room, and situates himself in that spot, pulling his legs tight to his chest. Tighter. Tighter. Making his arms shake and go numb. Digging his nails into his knees.

The pitch-black darkness of his room, cut only by the moonlight barely making its meager way through the curtains, is thick and heavy. oppressive. suffocating.

He breathes it in, and it makes its way through his body, chilling him to his core.

And in that deafening, stuffy darkness, he begins to shed cold tears.

[chronicparagon]

Okay, so I have a new idea for HSR verse. I know it can get annoying but I have written and scrapped three different possible backstories. I’m just going to leave this here to see if there is something that could work. I’ll have it under read more because I worry if it is too much or junking up the dash. The full idea is under the read more. I left a tdlr just in case people want to know but don’t want walls of text.

TLDR: I’m thinking of making Harmony a lab experiment aimed at creating a super soldier cyborg who can shoot plasma from her left arm and emit force field shields from her right.

Harmony escapes because she doesn’t want to be a tool for war, crashes, but is rescued and eventually becomes a Trailblazer (will figure out how she got there). I thought maybe IPC will work but I’m not 100% sure. Her captors may need to be what I create.

Harmony would not remember her home planet. As far as she can remember, she has always been a lab experiment belonging to an organization. Her earliest memories are her imprisonment and the torture that was called “tests.”

However, Harmony remembers fragments like her original name and some of her first language and fragments of her culture. She lost her arms and her back dealt grave damage.

The organization (I had a name but may change it). took her injured body and and gave her implants that gave her super strength and ability to create a force field that can be used to protect allies and also used to charge at enemies. Typical attack would be a miniature plasma gun hidden in her left arm and her right arm can develop the shields.

Her reconstruction was not from benevolent scientists. That is when she learns their true intentions. They wanted to create a powerful soldier armed with plasma rays in their bodies. Much of her left arm develops the ammunition, right does defense and her back is metallic,adding support to her strength and provides an additional support system for greater endurance.

Back to the story, she doesn’t remember who she was but knows what she wants and what she stands for. Harmony hates the thought of killing innocent people or being a tool for warfare. She succeeded in all tests and was meant to be deployed. However, Harmony decides to take fate into her own hands and breaks out, narrowly escaping with her life, some supplies, and a ship that is like a fighter jet capable of warp jumping.

From there, I thought of her crashing after pursuers hit her ship in order to catch her. Harmony would survive but barely.

. She would survive but I need to figure out what she does from there. I thought what if IPC would have any involvement in her capture and experimentation but I think I need to learn more about them before I jump the gun on that.

I kept saying I wanted her to be a Trailblazer and although I am hesitant because of how it will be received, I may just go with it. If this idea works, I’ll have more direction on what to do.]

[skullsfigurepage]

New figure review of Treasure Cruise World Journey Luffy on my website! This is where all my reviews are going to be hosted from now on.

+ Bonus image for tumblr

[raeofalbion]

This was supposed to go up a month ago, then some construction dude cut the entire neighbourhood’s internet and that only got fixed a couple days ago. But yes, hello, hi, I am back. -waves- Alive...ish? I guess. Will be very slow to get back into the swing of things. How’re y’all?

So, for those curious what happened: about a year ago I started noticing that I was getting chest pains whenever I was in high-stress situations--only then, no other times. Tried to ignore it (don’t do that) and continued on. At the very end of November, the pains started getting really bad, my mental health plummeted, and, after a few weeks of checking in with doctors and stuff (and being warned about the risk of heart attacks), I was given the ultimatum of either going into the hospital for treatment (too expensive) or cutting down on stress (including internet and work stress) and monitoring my health. I chose the hiatus.

At first, it seemed like it was working well. My mental health improved and I stopped getting pains. ...and then we found out my 90 yr old great grandmother has breast cancer. She’s been going back and forth on if she’s going to fight it or not, but the doctor hasn’t really said if fighting it’s even an option right now.

The family’s been kinda in chaos, trying to figure out what to do and how to handle it. So while I’m back and now mostly fine, I will probably be very slow to post anything because...it’s a lot, honestly.

If you’re reading this, then I hope things are going well for you and your own family. <3 Best wishes. I hope to see y’all more often in the future. Maybe get back to fic posting soon. (Or a nice, relaxed game stream?)

[void-critters]

" My papa taught me how to howl How to bear my teeth and growl "

"Upon his last voyage, the Mariner gifted two oars: a starboard oar to the First Assassin and a port oar to the Sixth Scholar: a sickle and a scythe. Kni’ Sister Tiffere entrusted her gift to a bastard son of Wayland; Illu’ Habbash entrusted his gift to the name of a thiefmaker."

[honorhunt]

dudes i've got the human zoomies after that episode

and that right there is why ahsoka's one of the most powerful force users. why she was perfect as anakin's apprentice. look at our girl go, showing off the caliber of duelist she is

by slicing my man marrok in two. marrok, what kinna eldritch bloodborne gen'dai bullshit are you? he better not be done. i want more of whatever the fuck that lovecraftian shriek was.

[wolves-etc]

thoughts on The Last Of Us episode three, just yelled at the friend who recced it to me, now edited to remove most of the yelling:

[thoughts on: 1.1 | 1.2 | X | 1.4 | 1.5 | 1.6 | 1.7 | 1.8 | 1.9]

— starting off strong with a) ANGST ABOUT HANDS (MY BELOVED) and b) a moment just appreciating the peace and the view. hey, it's the apocalypse, and there's still natural beauty around <3

— (obligatory "don't move rocks, things live under 'em" PSA but I'm not gonna be the one to ruin his lovely moment)

— I'm impressed with ellie for the… I want to call it boundary setting but it might not be, exactly. the "you made a choice, you needed a truck battery or whatever, don't blame me for something that wasn't my fault" bit. that was brave, especially with how scary joel can be. yes she's had a little time to get to know him, yes she's valuable cargo and she knows it, but he's grieving in a big way and he could make things unpleasant for her if he wanted, so yeah, brave.

— and it's nice that joel just listens and nods - it's not exactly treating her like an adult but it IS acknowledging her as someone who has a point and has a right to be treated fairly, and it's not exactly commonplace for adults to treat kids and teens like that. (though it looked like he had a good relationship with sarah, so I'm not surprised.)

— green <3

— ELLIE ROASTING HIM RELENTLESSLY FOR HIS SCAR AND HIS SHOOTING ABILTIES. I love her I love this

— "there's this one character named mileena who takes off her mask and she has monster teeth and then she swallows you whole and barfs out your bones! oh, man." <3

— "is there anything bad in here?" "just you." "ah, getting funnier." GOOD

— I do not like the dark mystery cellar I am putting socks on again, for fuck's sake. ellie could also do with more anxiety slash survival instincts but kudos to her upper body strength!

— WAS IT WORTH IT FOR TAMPONS, ELLIE. WAS IT WORTH IT

— ellie these things call other things. ellie this is deeply grim. I may have underestimated how much of a murder child she is.

— cordyceps in the food supply is a grim idea. and it does explain how it happened so everywhere and so quickly. (and it means the mycologist's advice to bomb the city might or might not have been enough, if anything had already been sent out.)

— joel answered a question with more than a sentence and ellie said thanks!! I'M SO PROUD OF THEM.

— "there's stuff up there you shouldn't see." "you're too honest, man. should've said axe murderer."

what's NICE about this is it sets a precedent and establishes him as a trustworthy adult, at least in that he tells her stuff and he can be believed. because she's in that transitional age where you kinda have to start treating teenagers like adults with some things - just, adults who are much more fragile and have minimal life experience - and that means giving them freedom to see stuff that might be hard for them. like. um. mass graves. okay I'm adjusting this to fit a zombie apocalypse setting and that's making it a little intense. sorry about that.

— this is a flashback I Did Not Want but also HI IS THAT NICK OFFERMAN. HELLO <3

— nobody told me he was a deranged survivalist with a gas mask I love him already

— nick offerman is resource grinding like there's no tomorrow and I love that for him

— nick offerman you fucking weirdo bastard you booby-trapped the place.

— he's WATCHING THEM ON CAMERA FOR FUN. oh I adore him.

— look at him nick he's pathetic he's funny he has no home, you have room for a stray dog guest don't you

— it's been four years since the outbreak and nick is only just causing someone else happiness (frank having a truly amazing time in the shower) and I'm just struck by that, how nourishing each other lifts us up too, and how nick kept himself starved of that.

— (at this point my friend came online and accidentally let slip that nick offerman's character is called bill)

— (WAIT. BILL AS IN BILL AND FRANK OF "JOEL MENTIONED THESE DUDES" FAME. I'm so proud of them.)

— the view of frank sitting at the table alone, in clean clothes, delighted and bewildered by all the finery, was when my brain drew a Beauty And The Beast comparison and I had to sit back and laugh for several minutes

— bill absolutely deer-in-the-headlights when he comes in to see frank standing up <3 kinda stumbling through the door because two plates and a bottle is more than he normally has to carry <3 adjusting frank's plate until it's Just Right <3 I LOVE BILL

— "I know I don't seem like the type." "no, you do." here we reach the moment that (in gifset form) persuaded me to watch this, and gosh, it's even sweeter in person.

— I don't know if frank was just elbowing in and rifling through the music sheets to get a reaction from bill or not. he could just be kinda oblivious and rude, which is fair enough, given the Extenuating Circumstances. him "accidentally" insisting on bill playing was some kind of deliberate though.

— bill playing the piano and frank looking down at him like oh, oh this is a treasure.

— I've never cried at an on-screen kiss before but oh fuck. the desperation and loneliness of it, holding each other as close as possible. the desperation and loneliness of the lives they've both been living the past four years.

— and what it extends to in the bedroom, the caution on frank's front and the almost-shame on bill's, I don't have words for it but it's thick enough to slice and butter for afternoon tea and it feels so real it hurts.

— three years later and they're having relationship talks, I'm SO proud of them

— frank making friends and making bill's life infinitely harder <3 <3 <3

— the small but significant shift in joel when he says "we can help each other and get that gun out of my face." I almost didn't recognise him until that.

— I've never been happier to see two grown men eating strawberries

— yes, I'm tearing up again

— (at this point I started to cotton on to where this was going and paused to accuse my friend of having recommended the show to me largely for this episode. turns out he did! the mortifying ordeal of being known by your friends.)

— (I also stopped making notes. 'cos it got hard to talk about. the scenes we get with them are all so intimate and the last one, at the dinner table, was so real it felt almost voyeuristic to me - and I didn't want to make any kind of judgement about their decisions. it's a lot. they had sixteen years together, and that part's pretty fucking great, considering. I'm leaving it at that.)

— "I'm guessing you found this, Joel, because anyone else would've been electrocuted or blown up by one of my traps. Hehehehehehehehe." bastard I love him

— "there was one person worth saving. that's what I did. I saved him, and I protected him." oh this is absolutely about joel too.

— "we have a job to do. and god help any motherfuckers who stand in our way." <3 <3 <3

— "I leave you all of my weapons and equipment. Use them to keep [tess safe]." ...well, fuck.

(it's an awful thought, but at least joel didn't love her as much as she loved him.)

— love to see joel being honest about his plans with ellie!

— bewildered to see bill and frank still had TOILET PAPER. bill, buddy, how much did you even STASH

— joel and ellie looking totally like a dad and daughter going on a trip except he says "seatbelt" and she doesn't know what he means and it's not 2003 after all, it's 2023 and they're living in a different world, and that world's gone for good. heck.

yeah so my friend recommended the show to me largely for this episode (bastard <3) and he was Right to. that's my takeaway.