#despite his dad's love he felt very isolated. he loved his family deeply and all he wanted was to be included in their own world

[borgialucrezia]

RODRIGO BORGIA + his beloved sons

"I remember the joy of holding [Juan] in my arms. A brother for little Cesare at last."

[denimbex1986]

'Six BAFTA nominations, universal critical acclaim, and not a dry eye in the house: Andrew Haigh’s ghostly gay romance All of Us Strangers is already the must-watch queer film of the year.

Based loosely on 1987 novel Strangers by Taichi Yamada, All of Us Strangers follows Fleabag star Andrew Scott as a depressed and isolated queer writer in his forties, who is still reeling from the death of his parents three decades earlier.

In one week, his world changes: not only does he spark up a deep and beautiful romance with younger neighbour Harry (Paul Mescal), but he returns to his childhood home and reunites with his parents – despite them being dead.

Across weeks, he gets to have the vital, moving conversations with the apparitions of mum (Claire Foy) and dad (Jamie Bell) that he was too young to have when they passed, as his romance with Harry blossoms.

Though Yamada’s original novel features a straight protagonist, Andrew Haigh recently explained to PinkNews why he, as a gay man, couldn’t have told his version of the story without centring the queer experience.

“What I’ve always been interested in doing, and especially with this [film], is talking about queerness in relationship to family, and how complicated it can be in relationship to family,” he shared, “especially if you grew up in a generation of the ’80s and into the early ’90s, where it was very different than it is now – thank God.”

A turning point in All of Us Strangers comes when Adam comes out to his parents, who are stuck in the deeply homophobic Thatcher era, and their response is initially less than approving.

“Back then, it was a pretty rough time for a lot of kids growing up and growing into their sexuality. I felt like that adds so much to the story,” the Looking and Weekend creator shared.

“[Adam’s] not lonely because he’s gay. But being gay and coming from that time has made him feel separate in the world to some degree. It’s almost like the world has made him feel lonely.”

As part of the discourse surrounding the film, Paul Mescal has been forced to explain why it was OK for him, as a straight actor, to portray a gay character, arguing that it depends who is in the driving seat of the film.

Haigh has now explained that gay actor Andrew Scott was always going to take the lead role in the film over Paul Mescal, because the story needed to focus on a particular generation of gay men.

“It always had to be from Adam’s perspective,” the 50-year-old director explained.

“I’m the same age or a little bit older than Andrew Scott’s character. That was the generation that I wanted to talk about.”

The contrast between Adam and Harry is an exploration of how gay men of certain ages live their lives differently, even though they are all profoundly affected by the same trauma that can come with growing up queer.

“In many ways, [Harry] is slightly more liberated in the world, and hasn’t been burdened by some of the things that [Adam] has been burdened by. He releases some freedom in Andrew Scott’s character, which I think is really interesting,” Haigh shared.

“Once you’ve seen the film, you realise there’s also a sorrow and a sadness inherent in [Mescal’s] character too.”

Though it’s emotional, All of Us Strangers also highlights the beauty that comes with being able to live as your true self around those you love the most. In opening himself up to his parents, Adam is able to heal the wounds of their complicated relationship.

“I think it’s amazing how often we aren’t our true selves to people, even if people are still alive,” Haigh reflected.

“You still probably don’t have those difficult conversations that you need to have. I understand why we don’t have those difficult conversations; I think there’s a world inside [all] of us that is tormented and a little bit broken, that we’re trying to deal with almost every day of our lives.”

Haigh hopes the film will show that there is an alternative reality out there for those who don’t feel able to be themselves.

“I think the film for me was to say: ‘You know what, it’s OK. I get that you will feel like that, and there is a way out of that. You can find love and intimacy and be known and be understood.”

Rightfully so, All of Us Strangers is pulling in an impressive slate of award nominations – including a BAFTA nomination for Best British Film. It may have been shockingly snubbed by the Oscars, but Haigh is more assured to see the film resonating with so many queer people worldwide.

“It’s always quite surprising to me when something with queer content actually manages to break through and get talked about,” he admitted.

“Now I’m alright with it not being some big mainstream billion dollar because clearly, that’s never going to happen, and there will still be lots of people out there that won’t go and see this film because of the content, or what they think is the content.

“That’s a shame, because I feel like this is a film for everybody,” he added.

“But it’s amazing that it has been taken under the wing by a lot of people and I love that.”'

[sosagely]

aloe : how does your muse handle grief ?

lilac : what was your muse’s childhood like ? how has their upbringing affected them as they’ve aged ?

peony : what would a ‘ happy life ’ look like in your muse’s eyes ? | from that headcanon meme!

HEADCANONS! // @glacierheart

aloe : how does your muse handle grief ?

she's been raised in grief, it's intertwined with her soul, woven into the very fabric of who she is. that said, she's never let herself sit with it. she's spent her life repressing and ignoring those emotions, shutting down to avoid allowing them to overwhelm her. that loss has left a permanent mark. it leaks into all of her relationships: platonic and romantic alive. and yet she's never given herself the chance to work through it. she just keeps running. when she feels that familiar hollowness at any perceived abandonment, that pre-emptive grief bleeding through, well she retreats. eventually, all that running will catch up to her and she collapses.

lilac : what was your muse’s childhood like ? how has their upbringing affected them as they’ve aged ?

lonely. in her formative years, she experienced loss after loss. her maternal grandparents' tragic death in an accident (age 6), her mother abandoning her (age 7), her paternal grandmother passing away and her father disappearing (age 9). she gets stuck with an aunt who resents her for being a reminder of the loss, and is raised in a cold house. eventually, that relationship implodes despite kara's best efforts to salvage it. she's living on her own by 14. sure her aunt covers the legal stuff, and provides money for food and supplies, but otherwise kara's left to her own devices. that's the time her dad starts popping back into her life sporadically, always drunk or high. she nurses him through the night where he makes promise after promise about fixing their family and being better for her. but he's always gone in the morning. his promises are always as empty as his apologies. and eventually, she learns to stop hoping for different.

the unsteady home environment, isolation, and cycle of abandonment from the people meant to protect her left her with attachment issues && an almost paralyzing fear of abandonment. she wants so deeply to be known, to be loved, but blocked by her inability to be vulnerable. being vulnerable, getting attached, letting those walls come down ... it just means it'll hurt more when people leave. this becomes an almost self-fulfilling prophecy, she's constantly pushing people away to maintain some control over the situation and avoid being left. but it also means there's no one to ground or tether her. it's also why, when she does care about someone, she's loyal to a goddamn fault about it. she loves like a dog, steadfast and whole-heartedly.

when she gets older and actually starts to reflect and heal, a lot more of her natural personality gets to shine through. her edges soften, and the warm goofy person she was under the defensiveness gets to peak through more and more.

peony : what would a ‘ happy life ’ look like in your muse’s eyes ?

if you were to ask her that question, she'd tell you being somewhere far far away, locked away in the privacy of a comfortable house, indulging the passions she rarely got to as a kid.

but the truth goes a little deeper than that. really, a happy life for kara just means having someplace to call HOME. somewhere stable. somewhere safe. with someone who chooses, time and time again, to stay. the rest of it doesn't matter in the least to her. she'd work a job she hated, crammed into a shitty studio apartment, with no privacy whatsoever if she had someone who felt like home with her. she is, as much as she may deny it, a romantic at heart.

[marthabeingmartha]

When was the last time you felt a real connection with someone?

This morning. Making the realization that my friends are not just friends, but my “relatives.”

I avoid the phrase “my friends are my family <3.” It’s really overused and when I use it, it really just does not roll off the tongue.

Prior to my parents divorce, I would say “blood is thicker than water.” Keep in mind, I’m an only child (maybe a contributing factor in my ability to be incredibly self absorbed.) My parents are all I had, they moved like 7 hours away after I graduated from highschool. My roommates were related, and I was isolated.

We were a tight knit family. We laughed a lot. I was adored and cared for by both parents. Yes, I can look back in hindsight at some things I normalized, that were not normal at all. Comments made, that should have never been uttered. Yet, I grew up in a very privledge way, I had stability, support when I needed it, two people pushing me to excel in academics and extracurriculars. Unlike most, I had a father who repeatedly explained to me what you should never tolerate from a man in a relationship, my mom has given me the distinct gift of loving to read/thinking of reading an act of leisure, they laughed A LOT (I remember thinking that laughter in a marriage is something I couldn’t live without), and I was let known often that I was loved by both of them. I was extremely fortunate.

They did have where they were not always right, or in a position to comment on certain things. Such comments are long lasting, and feel as though, are branded onto my body, defining me. In my case, this particular comment(s) and my parents encouragement to excel in my life, I became intense. I still am. It is a double edged sword.

I never saw them as deeply flawed people until I watched them undergo an extremely ugly divorce. It was my father’s infidelity that broke us as a family, and then, his inability to admit to his actions (really stuck to the Irish Roman Catholic value, which equates to sweeping it under the rug); despite the fact, I saw text message,which he even knew then. Really stuck to his story, he told me once about this to this day. It took me a year to forgive him.

Moreover, my mom is no mother Teresa. Certain comments made were made in a meticulously phrased manner that have stuck with to this day.

Both of them have new lives. In some ways, it was like I was not their daughter. They were there for something heinous that occurred several years ago and it involved going to court. Once THAT ended, they quickly dispersed. Almost as quickly as they had arrived. When you are half way through your life, the idea of “starting over” is terrifying and I do not fault them for that. I don’t fault them for their new lives, or their sudden lack of interest in mine. Seeing them in a new setting with a new partner is so foreign to me, however, the most unsettling thing regarding this whole thing is how little they want me to participate in their lives. Negating 25 years of their life is easier than facing the reality of a failure of a marriage. A discovery, my dad was an alcoholic at the age of 20. An epiphany, rather, the harsh reality that my mom was opposed to the notion of me before I existed.

Granted, they are severely technologically impaired, so the relationships I have now are much easier with their understanding of an iPhone. Prioritizing my friends has created such a different attitude when it comes to friendship.

To answer your question, I told my friend to go to the Dr this morning and in an odd way, that minor interaction was an act of love and genuine concern. I root for people that I love; instead, of feeling as though life was one big competition.

Maybe one day I will completely cut them out, but not today. I will admit, I do miss the closeness of our family and the memories of the past.

Bottles hidden under the garage stairs, the early bedtimes, and all the prescriptions under the sink genuinely make me curious how much of my life that my dad was there for. My mother’s “mistakes” make me think, and hurt. But love is all around me with the relationships I have cultivated in the years after the divorce. A bond I have had since 7th grade and one that is a newish several year friendship have provided me with love, encouragement, and even the truth- even when it’s the last thing I want to hear; especially, when I’m wrong.

My boyfriend has seen the good, bad, and the ugly between all of us (my parents, and I). He’s heard some ugly exchanges, and childish behavior on both sides. Yet, has remained a kind, sincere, and loving presence. And I couldn’t be happier. There are more friends, but these are the ones I consider to be most valuable.

[mmikmmik2]

If you were to sort the Infinity Train cast(s) into the Major Arcana a la the Persona games, which Arcana would you give everyone?

anon I had SOOOOO much fun thinking about this, thank you so much for sending me this. I sorted all the major characters, plus a few other entries, based on a mix of Arcana symbolism, Persona series character archetypes, and general vibes. I came up with answers I feel pretty good about for all but four of the Arcana. (Was really tempted to say Strength is every human character who doesn't board the train because they can handle their problems on their own lol.) This is going to be a long-winded post, so I thought I’d post just the list as an image (which hopefully won’t be too blurry!) rather than wrestle with Tumblr formatting trying to make a short list, and put a big text wall under the readmore talking more about my picks.

If this list does end up illegible, the same info is under the readmore as text! Plus some characters for Magician, Strength, Justice, and Death that I didn’t want to add to the “official” list because they’re more based on headcanon. (Although my reasoning for some of the “official” picks is pretty weak lol.)

One-One as 0. The Fool

Oh my gosh, what am I?

IT is great at fleshing out character backstories and families, so One-One at the beginning of S1 is one of the few characters who really feels like a blank slate. He's got a lot of his baggage back by the end of the season, and I think One and One-One are more similar than they seem at first glance, but S1 does seem to have been very formative for One-One and how he thinks about what he's supposed to be doing and how he relates to other people. So it does kind of feel like his fool's journey.

Alrick Timmens as I. The Magician

The magician begins the journey... by beefing it on a dirt bike, dying, and sending his wife flying off the deep end. Rip.

Alrick was an engineer like Amelia, so I could see him suiting some of the themes of the Magician, like conscious thought and manifesting ideas. His apparent playfulness and insecurity are similar to the Magician characters in Persona.

Kez as II. The High Priestess

“We can’t make this decision for you, Kez.” “You know what to do.”

I thought really hard about making Kez the Magician because just like every Magician since Persona 3, she's dumb, horny, and insecure dlkjasfdkl

(and also her showing up at the start of the story arc and being helpful but also super needy is very Magician)

But the idea of "intuition" really does suit Kez. Sometimes her intuition is as bad as her conscious reasoning, but I think that's a lot because she's so confused about what happened with Jeremy, and Morgan making Kez feel like she did a bad thing by helping him.

Tuba as III. The Empress

She made me feel like I was warm all the time.

Tuba's a mom. Sorry, this one's not that deep, haha.

Simon Laurent as IV. The Emperor

Highest number! I'm the leader now.

Simon has a lot of issues, but the one that felt the most prominent to me was his unhealthy relationship with power, authority, dominance, and rules. Another quote I considered using here was what he said in Grace's memory of meeting Amelia: "I never thought I'd get to see the Conductor with my own eyes. He's perfect! Everything finally makes sense again." In his emotional crisis, he thought everything could be fixed just by the existence of a huge, scary, powerful, male authority figure, even if they weren't doing anything helpful or informative.

Atticus as V. The Hierophant

I like to think that our stones are sturdy and handsome, like the Corgis that crafted them.

Atticus is a figure of traditional authority who deeply loves the history, society, and culture of his people. He often provides spiritual wisdom and encourages Tulip to get out of her own head and engage with the world around her. Also in Persona, Hiero is the Dad Arcana so it's very funny to me (a) to make the little dog be Hiero and (b) that the little dog really does have the strongest Wholesome Dad Energy of the whole cast.

Jesse Cosay as VI. The Lovers

Don't tell me what to do. I'm not going to be a part of anything like this, on or off the train.

This was my first and easiest pick lol, Jesse is sooooo Lovers. Like, the focus on choice and personal values and relationships? Yep, that's Jesse. It works on an "actual meaning of the Arcana" level and a "vibes with the Persona characters" level lol... popular, upbeat, and having such an identity crisis.

Lake as VII. The Chariot

I'm my own person, who is getting off this train!

I don't know if Chariot captures all the ways Lake grew over the course of S2, but I feel like they had the most externally focused conflict of all the IT characters, which suits Chariot. They've been fighting to stake out their personhood from start to finish, and they took action and used their willpower to achieve that goal. Also they have at least a little jock energy which is a prereq for Chariot tbh.

Frank as VIII. Strength

I dunno, I kinda imagine him as a simple man and easily underestimated, but with a lot of heart. The Cat may say they're keeping things casual but I don't think she'd take him with her on her private vacation unless he had some kind of inner toughness that would let him stand toe-to-toe with her.

Morgan as IX. The Hermit

I need to be alone right now. Kez... maybe... we can talk later.

I like that Morgan embodies toxic self-isolation and stonewalling and rejection, but that she seems to be moving towards the positive aspects of Hermit and taking some time to calm down and process and think. I like it when characters can embody the best and worst of their Arcana.

Tulip Olsen as X. The Wheel of Fortune

We have to adapt to the changes in our lives. It's the only way things can get better.

Tulip has a lot of themes and conflicts, but this one is a clear standout as the most important. I also like it for Tulip because, while she has to handle a lot of difficult and even traumatic situations, some of the change that challenges her isn't as unambiguously bad as e.g. the death of a loved one. It really is just change itself she's struggling with, and that's Fortune babey. Also, from the perspective of the train itself and lots of other characters, by reversing Amelia and One-One's positions again and changing how One-One administrates the train, Tulip is the one giving the wheel a spin. That's fun.

Lucy as XI. Justice

One of my friends once described the Justice characters in Persona as "the ones the player character is ultimately accountable towards", and I like to think of Lucy as kind of being that for Grace (...since Hazel has excused herself). Lucy is the Apex kid we see Grace interact with the most, the first Apex kid Grace admitted to herself that she had harmed (see Grace very briefly showing distress and then regret when Jesse points the harpoons at his face and she stops him), and the first person to confront Grace when she came home in The New Apex.

Min-Gi Park as XII. The Hanged Man

I don't know if we'll sell a single album, but we'll figure that out as we go.

Min-Gi sacrifices his "realistic", "sensible" goals for a more personally (spiritually, even?) enriching life that's beyond his control and outside of the expected norm. Like the Hanged Man, who dangles foolishly upside-down, but as a deliberate choice and in a state of serenity and enlightenment. I also think this arcana suits a reading of Min-Gi's character development as starting off going slower as a way to stall and live in denial, but then going slower with deliberation. Compare his arrogant insistence on refusing to act in The Astro Queue Car to his patience and care in The Castle Car and The Train to Nowhere.

Jeremy as XIII. Death

This isn't about the death of his family - I'm thinking of his reluctance to admit his number was going down. He cared about Morgan and Kez, and it's possible both that he may have really wanted to stay with them despite his exit and that that might even have been a healthy choice - they're real ass people with feelings and everything, not holodeck characters. But I also think Jeremy was using his life with them to avoid moving on out of that fog (because it was hard and it hurt and he didn't want to think about what that would mean for him and Morgan) and Morgan was enabling him.

Ryan Akagi as XIV. Temperance

Maybe the experience is the point. I wasn't just rushing you. I was rushing myself.

I think this one speaks for itself. Also, the other quote I considered putting here, from The Art Gallery Car: "You told me I can't appreciate the song without taking in the rest of the album. I need the whole package."

The Cat as XV. The Devil

I always do the right thing.

Honestly, this is one I really wasn't sure about. The Cat isn't a great pick for a lot of the meanings of Devil. She is definitely consumed by material comforts, and the short-term rewards of ignoring her issues at a long-term cost, though. This is more of a "vibes with Persona characters with this arcana" pick... Devil characters tend to start off being somewhat exploitative or even antagonistic towards the player character, and gradually showing a more conflicted and genuine side.

Amelia Hughes as XVI. The Tower

There's a hole in the universe where Alrick used to be.

Amelia's life is defined by catastrophe and upheaval - both those she's suffered and those she's inflicted on others.

Hazel as XVII. The Star

I'm going to keep loving you like you're still here.

When I think of "The Star" as a small but inextinguishable light in the darkness, Hazel seems like the obvious choice. Although we left her deeply wounded, I think she still has a flicker of her hope, faith, and purpose.

Grace Monroe as XVIII. The Moon

But it's unfair for me to tell you how to understand yourself. I mean, I don't even fully understand me.

Grace is probably the most complex and dynamic character on the show and hence one of the most difficult to place. I considered Empress, Strength, Devil, and Judgement for her... I think ultimately, lies and illusions are the most unifying theme of her character arc. Also, from a Persona angle, her pursuit of status out of a lack of true self-worth reminds me of Ai and Mishima.

Alan Dracula as XIX. The Sun

Brought together by the majesty of a superpowered deer!

I'm sorry dkjasfklads this is largely because I thought it was funny to have this completely inexpressive dead-eyed deer as Sun akfk but also... like... it kind of works okay!!! Think about the genuine joy and comfort and positivity he brings to Lake and Jesse (and me)!

The New Apex as XX. Judgement

"Then what are we gonna be?" "Guess we'll have to figure it out?"

This is kind of a Persona mythology gag again because of Judgement being a group social link near the end of the narratives of P3 and P4, when the protagonists have pierced through the lies and actually figured out who the villain of their game is and are ready to really start making progress.

0 as XI. The World

Ah, train does it again!

It's an ending and the completion of a journey, but also the beginning of a new one. And the world is literally what the passengers receive at the end of their train journey. Welcome home.

[deusluxuria]

Headcanon: Jotaro Kujo: Hey Jupiter

(Warning: Stone Ocean spoilers, long-ass long post, serious as hell, eating disorder mention, smoking mention, child abuse implied, parent death)

(HC: Jotaro's wife's name: Kelly -- because i hate calling her just 'jotaro's wife' lol)

Jotaro & Kelly got along so well that people were shocked when they got divorced.

They seemed so comfortable with each other, were constantly joking around, and were excellent parents. All that despite both of them having previously thought they'd never find anyone who understood and respected them. They were both misfits.

They separated for Jolyne's sake, and they didn't get over the divorce for quite a while. It was extremely sad. Though, people who didn't know them very well made all kinds of horrible assumptions about why they got divorced. Which made it so much more painful.

Jolyne and her dad were close when Jolyne was a child. Jotaro had been looking forward to being a father one day, ever since he was a teenager. He had felt that was his purpose. He was prepared to be fully committed.

And when Jolyne came along, she was everything; the most important thing in the world. Jotaro finally understood everything his mother had felt for him and everything she'd endured for his sake. How emotional she would always get over every little thing Jotaro did.

But, eventually, Jotaro's gradually increasing distance from his family left Jolyne so hurt and angry that she never wanted any contact with him and she felt she could never forgive him. She felt she had lost her father long before he was actually separated from the family. She mourned the emotional loss of him.

Jotaro had made the mistake, from the very beginning, of constantly lying to Kelly and Jolyne, and being cagey about why he sometimes had to disappear -- he hadn't told them about Stands and how unavoidably dangerous it was to have one.

But no attacks or dangerous incidents had happened between the death of Dio, until the appearance of Kira Yoshikage.

So Jotaro never quite found out what he was in for, until after he had already gotten married and had Jolyne.

Kelly would ask him what was going on and where he kept running off to. Jotaro continued to reply, "I can't tell you."

Kelly knew Jotaro as well as she could, and was completely sure it wasn't something like an affair, or anything immoral like an involvement with the mafia. Not that it made her feel any better that it wasn't anything like that.

During Jolyne's preteen years (after she had gotten arrested at fourteen, and Jotaro couldn't be there), one day, Kelly and Jotaro mutually decided they couldn't go on like that and have that kind of tension in the house, especially with no one except Jotaro knowing what was going on.

Kelly had reminded him several times during their marriage, "I hate it when you don't talk to me."

Jotaro agreed that he wasn't going to put her and their daughter through that anymore.

Jotaro and Kelly remained friends, but not without an unbearable stretch of finding it too painful to spend time with each other. When they did hang out again, before saying goodbye, they would hug for a while in a manner as if they'd die if they let go. So many things reminded them of each other. If they had left something at one another's homes, they'd cling to that object.

Kelly had been the first person Jotaro had slept with who hadn't made him uncomfortable. (Before he met her, it took him a few awful experiences to learn that, to him, sex without love was a nightmare.) And she was the first to be open to understanding his approach to intimacy in general.

She was one of the few people who hadn't judged him as cold or emotionless because of the way he looked. She didn't make hasty assumptions.

And Jotaro had already been so tired of the closed-minded way people usually treated him. He believed that, if things didn't work out with Kelly and him, he'd finally give up at letting people in.

When they were together, Jotaro had done most of the housework, being the one who relies on a daily routine and who has the strongest need for things to be in order. But once he was on his own again, he had trouble finding a reason to keep his living space up to standard or to cook anything or pay attention to a schedule.

Shortly after the divorce, Holly died.

Kelly had already warned Jotaro that, of the two of them, he would suffer the most from their separation. Because he didn't connect with people very well. But he would've never expected himself to fall nearly as hard as he did, even if his mom hadn't died.

People at work who usually never even gave him a "how's your day going," started asking him if he was okay.

His meltdowns became different & more frequent from the ones he usually had (i.e. from Autistic sensory-overload). He would blurt out disturbingly honest things, only to regret it so badly later that he'd shut himself in the nearest isolated place and start sobbing.

He'd struggled with an eating disorder since he was a kid, but he had mostly survived it with his mom's cooking as the only thing he could always eat and keep down. As a teenager, smoking was added as another coping mechanism.

But, the emotional hell he was going through because of his separation from his family caused a particularly bad relapse. And Holly wasn't there to save him anymore. He lost an appalling amount of weight.

Holly's funeral was a nightmare, mostly at the fault of Jotaro's dad, who made a spectacle of it. Inviting his celebrity friends and turning it into a selfish exploitation that required his security guards to be in attendance.

Jotaro secretly established a small, quiet area behind the building for everyone else. Jolyne and Kelly were there.

Jotaro left many times just to sit in his car and smoke with trembling hands -- he had successfully quit smoking back when he and Kelly had decided to have a child (causing a heightened number of eating disorder relapses), but had skyrocketed to a pack a day after his mom died.

Something broke in him that day. He could feel it. Like a canyon suddenly formed in his soul.

The last time he went back to the funeral, he went inside the building, walked up to his dad, and started waling on him. People screamed. Jotaro got a few punches into his dad's face before Kelly stopped him, holding onto him from behind and leading him away.

Jotaro had told her a few things about his father before. But not everything.

Abdul was the only person Jotaro had told. And after that conversation, Mohammed was silent for a while, and then said, "If you ever need anything, anything at all, I'm a phone call away."

After Mohammed had died, Jotaro not only couldn't muster the energy to explain the situation to anyone else, but he didn't know anyone else he trusted that deeply. Mohammed had experienced similar trauma, and knew that depth of hopelessness. He was not only the other parent that Jotaro had always needed, but he had some of Holly's likeness, with his open heart and boundless compassion.

And there was Kakyoin as well. The only friend he'd ever had that he actually felt close to. The only friend he could say "I love you" to without it feeling strange. They'd had their misunderstandings and their peeves about each other, but they were absolutely best friends.

He never connected with people at quite that level again. His friends in Egypt had been more than family. Soulmates, in a sense. Though Jotaro did find love and friendship afterwards, something about it still felt trite in comparison.

Jotaro never really recovered from his crisis with his divorce and with Holly's death. A few months after Holly died, Jotaro got a gastrostomy tube for eating disorder recovery and got the color back in his face. He at least looked like he was doing better. And he had found at least some meaning again in his cherishing of Josuke, another family member he would die for in a heartbeat.

But the depth of his loneliness; the realization of just how alone he was, awakened a suffocating dread that gnawed at him.

(Title: "Hey Jupiter" is a soul-crushing breakup song by Tori Amos)

[lingeringscars]

Christian is used to the comments that he gets, and he really doesn’t mind them. ( that’s a lie. he cares deeply about it, and it hurts, but he pretends like he doesn’t care at all ). most importantly, he knows who not to include in his life and who does not matter at all. he’s very used to feeling isolated as is, and has only ever felt truly comfortable with his aunt tasha ( @terrifyingstories ). she made their empty home feel like it was full and was his only source of warmth throughout his childhood before his parents ever turned strigoi. they were still his parents, but he had to refer to his mom as “moira” and his dad didn’t really care what he was called and was either focused on business meetings or planning trips with other royals. 

he felt isolated with everyone before he was actively shunned. even in school, he just thought about when he would get to see tasha again. 

he started gaining status again after he began dating lissa, and as much as he loved her, if she and tasha didn’t get along, it wouldn’t have mattered. tasha truly comes first in every aspect, and her opinion matters more than anyone else. he wouldn’t feel comfortable having someone in his life that was not liked by tasha because there had to be a reason for it. 

if anyone mocked tasha, despite her ability to manage herself, he wouldn’t hold back an attack. it’s the one thing, along with any attack against lissa and eventually rose, that will set him off every single time. basically, leave his family alone. no one will be in his life or even treated cordially if they do any of these things. he learns how to play with being royalty so that he is presentable and not a threat to lissa, but he’ll never be a diplomat or smile as attacks are thrown at him or his aunt.  

[casey-v]

Trauma

Ethan x Casey

Here’s a one shot of chapter 13. The scene in the on call room didn’t feel like fluff, so this is mostly drama. This time it’s only Casey’s POV because for me it was too difficult to find out what was going on in Ethan’s head.

Disclaimer: characters owned by PB

Words: 2,3K

Casey stared at the door of the on call room that had just been slammed in her face. Hoping Ethan would come back, she just sat there and waited, not really able to capture what had just happened. But, of course, he didn't reappear. So, she left frustrated and wandered through the halls of Edenbrook, deeply immersed in her thoughts.

Why was fate messing with her like this? They had just started a wonderful relationship in which Ethan had finally opened up to her. Since Danny’s funeral, she had spent three nights at his apartment and every second of it was pure bliss. Being alone, outside the hospital, he was so relaxed and happy, it made her heart melt. Sometimes they had a wordless understanding that was amazing. When he was relaxed it was so easy to talk to him about nearly everything and they laughed together endlessly. And of course, they had......mmmmmh…..God, he felt so great.

And now a few minutes with his mother seemed to have ruined everything. That man in the on call room was a stranger to her. No, in fact, it reminded her of the Dr. Ramsey in the days of her early internship, when he was sometimes acting like a jerk and being rude and moody. She had thought that this man was long gone. But unfortunately, the encounter today brought him back and all the walls around him were back up again.

 Her feet had brought her to a certain office door. She didn’t know that this was, what she needed, until she was there. She hesitated and knocked. “Come in,” a friendly voice was heard from inside the office. When Casey opened the door, she saw Naveen’s face brighten up. Instantly she felt a little better. There was just something about him, that lifted your spirits. He was always good humored and positive, even last year, on his supposed deathbed. Ever since, they had a special bond and although they didn’t meet a lot, they were very fond of each other.

“Casey! So, rumors are true. You didn’t stay at home like I told you. But it’s good to see you.” He came over and hugged her.

“Good to see you too, Naveen. My landlord needed medical help this morning, so I brought him here and then I just stayed. It’s so boring at home and I like to keep myself distracted.” She smiled at him, trying to hide her current state. But he knew her to well.

“Well, if I may say it, you don’t look too good. Are you sure, this isn’t too soon?” He took her gently by her arm and led her to the couch to sit down. “Oh, it’s not work that is bothering me right now” She couldn’t keep her eyes from getting wet. Naveen sighed and rolled his eyes. “What has he done now?”

Through her tears she laughed. “Why do you think this is about Ethan?” Naveen had a sparkle in his eyes. “I know you and, most importantly, I know him, so this was easy to figure out. What happened?”

Casey’s expression darkened. “How much has he told you about his family background?” “A lot, I guess. Are you referring to his mom leaving?” She nodded and just spilled the whole story.

“She’s here. Came in this morning as a patient, unconscious on an opioid overdose. Ethan and I were in the ER at that moment. He was shocked. We gave her naloxone, then he just said something like ‘Nurse, take care of her’ and ran off. I found him later in an on call room, yelling angrily. He wouldn’t let me talk to him, just slammed the door in my face and left.” Naveen had listened closely, his gaze concerned. “I’m so sorry, Casey. I know he can be difficult at times. Ethan has this anger buried deep down inside of him, ever since his mother left him. Growing up with his father he never learnt to express his feelings or even worse, he never allowed himself feelings. He thinks he needs to be tough all the time. And then, when all those bad memories come rolling over him, he can’t deal with it.”

Casey thought a long moment about these words. Of course, it was perfectly clear, that Ethan had trouble talking about his feelings. But the last days had proven that he damn well was able to show his affection for her. “The thing is: Since my night in isolation a lot has changed between us.”

Casey blushed and didn’t dare to say more, but Naveen smiled and put his warm hand on hers. “You don’t have to be afraid to tell me anything. Even if I’m chief of medicine I’m also your friend and you know that I always wanted to see the two of you together. Ethan has changed so much since you came here and I’m really happy for you. He almost lost his mind that night of the assault.”

“It was terrible for all of us, but for what it’s worth it also brought us even closer together. Despite all the aftermath of the attack the past days have been great. Today though, it feels that all of this has vanished.”

“It’s a lot to ask from you in your current condition, Casey, but he needs you right now. He probably hasn’t said it yet, but I can see that he loves you with all his heart. Please don’t give up on him.” Naveen squeezed Casey’s hand tightly.

“I won’t, I couldn’t. But the question is: will he let me help him?””

***

Later Casey went to check on Louise. She was stable but not yet in a good condition. Talking to her felt odd, so she kept the conversation short. “Mrs. Ramsey, do you want me to call anybody?” It took Louise some time to answer. “I suppose you could call my ex-husband, Alan Ramsey. He lives in Providence, though.” “Sure, I’ll try to reach him. Ahm, a psychologist will stop by later. And if there is anything else you need, just tell the nurses.”

***

The rest of the day Casey tried to avoid meeting Ethan, but talking to Naveen had given her confidence, that everything would work out for the best. She didn’t want to confront the attending during working hours, so she planned to talk to him at night. The more she thought about it, the more she realized, that she may have overreacted after his outburst and that he probably would be much better by now anyway. How wrong she was became obvious the moment she stepped out of the elevator and saw Ethan and Alan standing in the hallway, involved in a heated discussion. “That’s all there is to say, dad. And now I have work to do.” Ethan’s face was red with rage. As he turned around to enter his office, he directly looked at Casey. “Dr. Valentine, in my office now.”

At first Casey was too shocked to move. Alan took some steps backwards, deeply embarrassed by his son’s behavior. “Hello Mr. Ramsey,” was all Casey could muster before she followed Ethan.

 The door wasn’t even closed behind her when he was at her. “How dare you call my dad!”

“Excuse me! How dare you talk to me like this. This has nothing to do with you. Louise asked me to call him and that’s what I did. That’s how we take care of our patients. You taught me, that every patient is worth any treatment. How can you deny her visitors?” Ethan was silenced for a moment and rubbed his neck. He seemed to calm down a little. “You could have asked me to call him or at least warn me.” In contrast to him, Casey was just getting heated up. “Really? After your outburst this morning? You said, you had more important patients and didn’t want to deal with her. Get a grip, Ethan, you’re being totally unreasonable. You say she’s nothing but a stranger to you, but never on earth would a stranger affect you the way she does. You tell me not to run away from my PTSD while you've been carrying around your own trauma for 26 years. This has to stop now!”

Ethan was pacing up and down, yelling back at her. “Don’t you think I know that. Do you think I like what she’s doing to me? But I will never forgive that she left, just like that, without a word, not caring about me anymore.”

Casey inhaled deeply to get her voice under control. “You don’t have to forgive her; you just have to understand what happened. Now is the chance for closure. Talk to her. Not for her sake but for your own. Hear her story. You need to hear the reason for her leaving. It's not your fault that she left and probably also not your father’s fault either. Maybe she already had mental health problems back then, who knows. Everybody is a victim here. Maybe she just couldn't stand herself, couldn’t handle her life. That doesn't mean that she didn't love you. If you don't talk to her now, you'll maybe never get another chance.”

Ethan was sitting on the couch now, his face in his hands and mumbled. “Ok, I’ll think about it.” Then he glanced back at Casey, forcing a smile. “Do you want me to cook dinner tonight?”

She shook her head frustrated, her arms dangling loose by her sides. “That`s it? You just change the subject? I don’t believe it. No, I don’t want to be with you tonight. This day has been exhausting enough, I need to relax, watch a senseless movie, go to bed early, whatever.” She turned around and opened the door to leave when she heard his tight voice. “Only tonight?”

As she glimpsed back at him over her shoulder, she felt so sorry for him how he sat there, slumped down, observing her insecurely. In the past they had argued a lot about work related issues and she always stood her ground, but so far, she had never stood up for herself when it came to their personal relationship. Being patient and accepting his wishes was all she had ever done. But for once, she knew, she had to put herself first, although the urge to take him in her arms was almost unbearable.

“For someone so intelligent you can be so stupid sometimes. Of course, only tonight. Do you really think I’ve been waiting all this time only to run away after the first argument? I couldn’t, even if I wanted to, because the problem is, I love you, however bad you treat me. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. You're not the only one who is able to slam some doors. “

With that she turned and slammed the door as predicted. She knew this was a bit ridiculous, but it felt really good. Only then did she realize what she had just said to him. Her hand flew over her mouth. That's not at all how she imagined saying those three words for the first time. She lingered a while in front of his door, unsure what to do, before she went home.

***

Instead of watching a movie Casey ended up playing video games with Elijah. Killing dark creatures helped her let off some steam and she enjoyed spending time with Elijah. They had just freed themselves out of a dungeon when her phone rang. There was only one person who would call her at that hour.

“Sorry Elijah, I have to take this.” She grabbed her phone and went into her room.

“Hey!” – “Casey!?” Ethan’s desperate voice made her cringe. “Can I come up?” – “Where are you?” – “Right outside.” A few seconds there was silence. Casey had told him, that she wanted to be alone, but it meant so much to her, that he came to her.

“What do you want?”

“To be with you.”

A single tear rolled down her cheek. “Ok, I’ll open the door for you.”

As he entered the apartment, she quickly pulled him past the grinning Elijah into her room and immediately found herself tightly wrapped in Ethan’s embrace. She smelled a mixture of his cologne and scotch. They clung to each other as if they had to shield themselves against a heavy storm. Casey felt his tears running down her neck. Soothingly her hand travelled up and down his spine. An eternity later he loosened his grip and touched her forehead with his.

“I’m so sorry, Casey. What kind of asshole pushes away the one person, that is always there no matter what?”

She lifted her hand and touched his cheek very softly. “Come on, let’s just go to bed.” Quietly they got undressed and crawled into the covers, her back against his chest, arms wrapped, fingers laced. Words weren’t necessary right now, the only thing they needed was to feel the presence of the other one.

As Casey was half asleep already, she felt Ethan’s whisper against her ear. “If I …, I don’t know yet, but just in case, …I mean …if I talk to her, would you come with me?”

“Is this a rhetorical question or are you really unsure of my answer?” She turned to look at him, their noses almost touching, and waited. He seemed to weigh his answer before he spoke again. “You know I’d hate to presume anything.”

Casey moved closer to put a sweet kiss on his lips. Then she sent him a warm smile and lost herself in his blue eyes, only lit by the moonlight. 

“Regarding me and you, Ethan, you always can presume.”

------------------

Thanks for reading. Please comment and share if you liked it.

 Tag list:

@queencarb @utterlyinevitable @schnitzelbutterfingers @nerdydinosaursweets @eramsey28 @mrsdrakewalkerblog @starrystarrytrouble @maurine07 @princessfuzzy12 @kenzierookie @binny1985 @adrex04​ @choicesficwriterscreations​

[bookspined]

❝ that’s all history is after all: scar tissue. ❞

{ cis-man, he/him }  huh, who’s FROY GUTIERREZ? no, you’re mistaken, that’s actually SCORPIUS MALFOY. he is a TWENTY-TWO year old PUREBLOOD wizard who is A HEALING APPRENTICE. he is known for being CAPTIOUS, RETICENT, FACETIOUS, DISMISSIVE, and DRAMATIC but also RESOURCEFUL, CONSCIENTIOUS, FERVENT, INNOVATIVE, and OBSERVANT, so that must be why he always reminds me of the song IN DREAMS BY BEN HOWARD. i hear he is aligned with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX, so be sure to keep an eye on him. { merry, 24, gmt, she/they }

CHARACTER PARALLELS: Amy Santiago (B99), Claire Temple (Daredevil), Chidi Anagonye (The Good Place), Giles (Buffy TVS), Michelle Jones (MCU), Simon Tam (Firefly), Elizabeth Swan (PoTC), Spock (Star Trek), Clarke Griffin (The 100), Harley Keener (MCU), Gregory House (House) suggested honorable mention Gizmo (Gremlins) 

pinterest [blood, medical imagery tw]

wanted connection ideas

Full Name: Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy Gender/Pronouns: Cis man | he/him Age: Twenty-three Birthdate: January 20th Parents: Draco Lucius Malfoy & Astoria Céline Malfoy (née Greengrass) [Not biologically Astoria’s due to her health, if you ever point this out he’ll flay your eyeballs] Siblings: N/A. Birth place: St. Mungo’s Hospital, England Height: 5’11” Weight: 56 kg Sexual/Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Bisexual Nationality: British Body Alterations/Marks: A ragged diamond shape scar at the base of his throat.

Blood Status: Pureblood Hogwarts House: Slytherin Wand Arm: Right Pet: His pet toad, Jarvis, recently passed away. Patronus: Arctic Fox Wand: 11 2/3 inches, Willow, Supple, Dragon Heartstring.

Willow is an uncommon wand wood with healing power, I have noted that the ideal owner for a willow wand often has some (usually unwarranted) insecurity, however well they may try and hide it. While many confident customers insist on trying a willow wand (attracted by their handsome appearance and well-founded reputation for enabling advanced, non-verbal magic) my willow wands have consistently selected those of greatest potential, rather than those who feel they have little to learn. It has always been a proverb in my family that he who has furthest to travel will go fastest with willow.

Personality Traits: Brilliance, innovative, empathetic, individuality, openness, social consciousness, inventive, logical, practical skills and self assertion; lack of attachment to people outside his circle and the “real world,” over-intellectualizing of the emotions, dismissive, anxious, crotchety tempered, facetious, rigid, prone to self-isolation, intellectual arrogance, and stubborn. Zodiac Sign: Aquarius/Capricorn Cusp Moral Alignment: Neutral Good Core values: Loyalty, Knowledge, Hope Four temperaments: Melancholic  

HOGWARTS HOUSE ANALYSIS

Slytherin Primary and a Burned Ravenclaw Secondary.

Slytherin Primaries prioritize their own selves and loved ones first. Slytherins don’t feel guilty or selfish about this– they feel righteous and moral. The most important thing is to look after your own. Abandoning or hurting one of your own is the worst thing you can do.

A Burned Ravenclaw Secondary might want to be skilled, curious, and prepared, but they feel like they are (or like people think they are) limited, clumsy, or inconstant. Gathering knowledge, hobbies, skills, or tools is the right way to achieve their goals, but Burned Ravenclaws know that’s not going to work within their capabilities. So they take other paths and use other tools– maybe a Gryffindor’s bluntness, a Slytherin’s flexibility, or a Hufflepuff’s slow and steady dedication.

You may have a Hufflepuff Secondary Model.

Hufflepuff is the House of grit, reliability, and determination, and Hufflepuffs use those values to help live, act, and succeed. If you model Hufflepuff Secondary, you also value these things and like to live by them. You like to be hardworking, dedicated, and consistent– but you wouldn’t feel guilty for abandoning those values in the service of other, higher priorities. If there’s another, easier way to get what you want– you’d take it. You think hard work provides valuable rewards– and those rewards are why you work. The work doesn’t have persuasive value in itself.

Despite his very best resistance he’s always been pretty empathetic in nature, he tries to rule his emotions as well as he can but fails more often than not. He was always one of those toddlers that if another kid started crying he’d be right along with them, not because he wanted attention but because he just couldn’t not. A bit of a crybaby, has researched how to magically seal up his tear ducts. Obviously managed to keep the family’s flair for the dramatic there as well. After a few years he leant into the sarcastic vague-snobbishness to hide the core of overwhelming anxiety.

Just managed to scrape through his schooling with nearly all top grades, this isn’t really due to him being a model student. He has always accrued information with a voracious appetite. Any knowledge he could find, even if most people would consider it entirely useless. His mind clicks into that place? You can’t keep him away. However, when there is not an immediate stir of interest on his approach to a topic he has to fight with himself tooth and nail to carry on. 

Predictably found exam season highly stressful, was never open about it but was quietly competitive and silently smug over his good grades. Could comprehend well above his reading level from an early age and would often look into experimental research and complicated magic but found himself lost in OWL level History of Magic when chapter upon chapter lay ahead of him about something that didn’t catch his interest. Some people he beat just to spite cause he hates them. It worked, whatever.

Tends toward introversion and finds himself tired sometimes quite easily by a large amount of social interaction. Witty and big-mouthed when he feels comfortable or is in the presence of those that embolden him and very likely to get flustered and snap at people when things are becoming a bit too much. Especially if he feels however unjustly that someone is blocking his escape. Has matured slightly in this since leaving school but it happens still, he’s just anxious. Quite fickle and can at the drop of a hat decide that he’s done with you for the day once his Give Me Attention Meter is maxed. Could be an absolute bloody brat when he felt like it but feels he has grown out of it, which he mostly has.

Always been very, very aware of many people’s distrust of him and his family, he used to sneer and play it up if anyone tried to bring up his dad and go on the offensive but was genuinely affected quite deeply by it all. In his early school years, despite his weakness to the cold, he constantly had his sleeves rolled up to the elbow so that his blank forearm was bared as a statement to just about everyone. I am not marked, I never will be. Now he’s older he has more of a handle on things and can be diplomatic in situations where people are clearly discomforted by his presence and his family history.

Even though the war culminated far earlier in this verse I imagine Scor would have had to have been relatively sheltered as a child if not for how emotionally sensitive and prone to periods of ill-health he was, it was definitely for his own safety. He is still the grandson of a known high-ranking Death Eater and that made him a media target and put one on his back for anyone else that might happen to be watching. 

Never produced much of a talent for offensive magic and wouldn’t resort to those methods unless he had literally no other choice, not a front line fighter by any means. His talents with strategy, potion-making, healing and his perseverance with defensive magic are what define him to the Order. While everyone kind of knows who he hung out with at school and who his friends are he is deliberately very mischievous with releasing rumours and misleading people. He deliberately keeps his cards very close to his chest so most people don’t know that he is aligned with anyone, he usually uses glamours or a scarf to conceal his identity if he has to. 

While he is knowledgeable about healing and anatomy, he is the WORST at taking care of himself. The literal embodiment of Healers make the worst patients, tends to forgo sleep and basic bodily needs if he’s locked into what he’s focusing on. Sometimes needs reminders to sleep and eat, like a child. 

Healing is the most satisfying part of his life and he would never give it up, he likes to experiment as he has a fascination with magic and muggle science and where they might intersect. A fucking nerd honestly. While he thinks he’s being fairly subtle about it a large part of his academic life has been doused in research into blood maledictions, for obvious reasons. He does his best not to flutter too obviously around his Mum. She is capable and ten times stronger than he is. 

Lives in a small studio flat in Diagon Alley that is mostly stacks of books and makeshift shelves.

the stillness of the world the moment you take the first step into fresh snow, cashmere and fine wool, the pearlescence of dreamless sleep draught, the scratch of a quill on parchment, faintly tremoring fingers, a shiver up your spine in a warm room, the exhilaration of a problem solved, a thunderous grey overcast sky, the bite of a stitching charm, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, petrichor, the burn in your eyes before a well of tears.

Always had somewhat fragile health tending toward sickly. Hands are never warm, his existence is an endless heat seeking mission. 

Went to one Slug Club meeting and used his time to verbally berate and or challenge most of the contacts in attendance, he was not asked to return. 

Potions Club, Charms Club, used to sometimes be willing to be dragged to Dueling Club but didn’t enjoy himself. 

Plays quite a bit of chess.

Bruises like a fucking peach and scars so easily.

Views quidditch as a good fly spoiled. 

Is a very skilled pianist almost entirely due to his Grandmother’s tutelage. 

Surprisingly great with children/toddlers/babies, no one including himself expected this, he mostly feared them beforehand. 

Bit of a mummy’s boy in that he practically GLOWS when people talk of Astoria’s achievements. 

When he has time off from healing he will have chipped black nail varnish on. 

Highly intelligent but rarely manages to match a pair of socks, chews his quills but no one else’s. 

While very eloquent and well spoken, he is markedly less posh than when he first arrived at Hogwarts.

When he isn’t prone to bouts of insomnia he can take a nap pretty much anywhere. He was once found in a tree after several frantic hours search.

[ CREDIT : CHARACTER PSD template by @karmahelper (defunct url) I tried to find a current social this week by messaging around but couldn’t find anything unfortunately. Forgot to copy this over from the google doc! ]

[trustsalvatorewriting]

queendom || hope mikaelson - chapter eight

Summary: In which a tribrid falls in love with a human girl

Word Count: 2,411

Preface | Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight

-

"SHE'S GONE." HOPE PACED across the room, her heart racing as she imagined what possible circumstances she had just put Angel in. She'd tried to fight against the monster, but regardless of what she did, it seemed as though nothing she did affected him. He was immune to every spell. Everything she did only served to exhaust her and stall him.

Unfortunately, Aunt Rebekah hadn't managed to compel Angel to stop acting calm. She'd simply stood there, quiet and accepting of what was happening in front of her. As if she'd known that the creature wasn't going to harm her. Hope had continued fighting after Rebekah had 'died,' but it was no use. He had managed to throw her across the room while she was doing a spell. By the time she had come to, Angel was gone, and the monster had gone with her.

There was a time when death was an unfamiliar concept to Originals. Hope's father, Klaus, had always gone out of his way to make it known that the Mikaelsons were immortal -- ironic, really. Simple death like the snapping of a neck or drowning, something that would usually kill an ordinary human being, would be an untimely nap for an Original vampire. As would a stake in the heart, or a beheading -- things that would ordinarily kill a regular vampire.

To be an Original was to be immortal. Though it seemed that even immortal beings can find a way to die eventually.

It had been about two or three hours since Aunt Rebekah's 'death.' She would be awake soon enough, and they would be able to search for Angel. Unfortunately, that would mean heading straight toward Statera, and the lack of supernatural beings in the town seemed to suggest some sort of magical border.

Or magical blockade of Unsullied Soldiers that would kill whatever supernatural being tried to enter the territory; but what was the difference?

A light began to glow from inside Rebekah's pocket. Hope sighed, reaching over and pulling the phone out of her pocket. She raised her eyebrows at the 'Salvatore School' contact name. How often did they reach out to Rebekah regarding Hope's grades or absences? Honestly, she was surprised that she had any emergency contacts left. Lately it seemed as though Dr. Saltzman was all she had in terms of an adult figure, though Josie and Lizzie were making that relationship particularly hard.

"Don't answer my phone," Rebekah choked out, weakly gasping for air. She held her hand out. "Give it to me. I don't trust you using a phone to speak to anyone except your Aunt Freya from now on."

Hope sighed, begrudgingly handing the phone back. "You just came back from the dead. Do you really think you're in the mood to be speaking to Dr. Saltzman right now?"

"Trust me, darling, we go way back." Rebekah slid the call button, holding the phone up to her ear. "Rebekah Mikaelson speaking... Yes, I have Hope with me right now... What's happening with that map?"

It was easy to forget that her own aunt had been a student of Dr. Saltzman's at one point. Hope sighed, reaching into her pocket for her own phone. Admittedly, she wasn't supposed to have one, but Uncle Kol had always enjoyed bending the rules.

"Yes, I understand," Rebekah responded. "We'll be there as soon as we can."

As Rebekah went to hang up the phone, Hope looked up. "I have to go back to the school, don't I?"

"Well, grand theft auto isn't as bad as turning a werewolf into a hybrid -- so yes, you'll be going back to your regularly scheduled classes," Rebekah responded. She reached for her purse before noticing the disappointed look on Hope's face. "What's wrong? When you were younger, all you wished for was to go to a school for supernaturals. Your father didn't donate three million dollars to the school out of the goodness of his heart."

Hope simply shrugged in response. "All I 'wished for,' was to have friends that knew what I was going through; but no one does. I thought I wanted to be surrounded by supernaturals because it would be where I fit in the most; but ever since Mom died, it's like I would give anything to be human for a day."

"Being a human doesn't protect you from death, love," Rebekah whispered, running a hand through Hope's auburn waves. Only a few shades darker than that of Rebekah's late mother, Esther. The Original Witch -- before she'd tried to slaughter half her family.

"My mom died because she was a hybrid. My father and my uncle died because they had to get rid of a supernatural being called the Hollow that had been preying on me since I was seven years old. Those aren't issues that normal humans go through, Aunt Rebekah." Hope swallowed back tears, stinging at the burning sensation of doing so. She pushed herself off the bed to avoid crying for what seemed like the hundredth time that night. "Let's go."

The ride back to Salvatore School was relatively silent if you didn't count the blaring Frank Sinatra music. Rebekah always said she never enjoyed modern day radio; likely due to the ninety year nap Hope's father had forced her into in the 1920's.

Hope bit her lip, scrolling through Instagram and waiting for a post from Angel's account. Any sign that she was alive and not eaten by the rabid beast that was all she could hope for at the moment -- she would even be glad if she found out that Angel had blocked her. A sign that Hope hadn't been the cause of another person's death.

'Due to her often disastrous past, she has resigned herself to isolation, considering it the path that will provide the least heartbreak in her life. She sees loneliness as less of a burden... than her formative experiences of loving so deeply and losing so terribly.'

A direct quote from her psychological assessments from earlier this year. Dr. Saltzman had the students do one at the beginning of every school year. This was the first time she'd managed to prove the files wrong.

"Is this the part where I apologize?" Hope raised her eyebrows, eyes flitting over to see her aunt's reaction.

"Hope, I was friends with your mother. She knew what it meant to apologize when she knew she was wrong," Rebekah responded, not taking her eyes off the road. "I would hope you didn't learn how to apologize from your father."

"How could I?" She muttered in response, despite knowing very well that Rebekah had supernatural hearing. "He died when I was fourteen and he only spoke to me for two years of my life."

"Your father never learned what it meant to love someone unconditionally." Rebekah seemed to spit the words out as if they were poison. For a brief moment, Rebekah's eyes become glassy, the street lights highlighting her tears.

Hope dropped the conversation before it became it became more intense. Unlike the rest of her family members, Rebekah had always been the person who defended Klaus in Hope's presence. Kol and Davina had never held back when it came to insulting him -- and though Hope couldn't blame them, that didn't mean she was happy about it.

As the gates of the Salvatore School began to open, Hope braced herself for the the endless judgement that came with what she had done. Even stepping inside of the school made her feel as though she were trespassing, entering somewhere she never felt like she belonged.

The Salvatore School: a school for witches, werewolves, and vampires, yet couldn't fit in a tribrid. On paper, it would've made sense.

The two girls were immediately greeted with Dr. Saltzman, his daughters, Raphael, and Kaleb. The diversity in greetings was almost comedic. Dr. Saltzman looked largely disappointed, and slightly shocked by Rebekah's presence. Clearly whatever past they had was complicated, to say the least.

As if reading Hope's mind, Dr. Saltzman stated, "You tried to kill me."

"Your friends killed my brothers and your attempts on Nik and Elijah's life were innumerable. I'm here for Hope's protection, not yours." Rebekah spat, almost disgusted by Dr. Saltzman's reaction. "I will apologize for nothing."

Josie stepped forward, shocked. "You tried to kill my dad?"

"Succeeded, really," Rebekah shrugged. An amused look comes to her face as Josie steps in front of her father protectively. "Love, please. All of my brothers are dead -- rest in peace -- and I am a step closer to becoming human. What would I gain from murdering this poor old man?"

"You're Rebekah Mikaelson," Kaleb stepped forward in awe. "I've read about you in the books -- you and your brother. You guys are, like, the founding fathers of vampirism. Why would you want to become human?"

A sad look crosses Rebekah's face, though it disappears as quickly as it comes. Before she can respond to Kaleb's school boy crush, Lizzie scoffs. "Really? So we're just gonna let Hope off the hook after she literally almost exposed an entire school forsupernatural? All because she brought her stupid aunt."

Hope's eyes began to glow gold, signaling her werewolf gene to step forward. She flashed them at Lizzie as she took a step forward. "Don't say that about my family."

"Guys, we have bigger issues to deal with right now," Raphael pointed out. He walked back the map, pointing toward the town Angel and Hope had met at. "I was watching the map earlier. Trying to figure out what was going on, and what those spots were. I saw a really bright light" -- he glanced up at Hope. The stronger the supernatural abilities, the brighter the light -- " leave Mystic Falls and head to this town. A couple hours later, I saw one of the darkened areas leave the border of Statera and followed you, Hope."

"It wasn't following me. It was following Angel," Hope explained.

"Yes, Kol, I was sure to check that she was human," Rebekah said into her phone. After a moment, she sighed, setting the phone on the table and turning the camera on. A group video chat appeared and Rebekah turned the camera to face Hope. "Say hello to your niece."

She turned her head to see the faces of her Aunt Davina, Aunt Freya and Uncle Kol. Hope's last living family members. She raised her eyebrows to greet them, putting on a tight smile. "Hi, everyone."

"There's our little troublemaker," Kol greeted. "Now, tell me, how exactly did you meet this girl? And why a human? There's always so dramatic."

"Don't mind him, Kol's just saying that because he eats every human he comes into contact with," Rebekah muttered. She turned to Hope for a brief moment. "It's one of the reasons Davina's died so many times."

"That was a fault of a hex, not I," He argued. "And if we're keeping track of dead body counts, exactly how many men did our befallen Niklaus kill on your behalf?"

Hope flinched at the mention of her father. "Her name was Angel. I met her through Instagram, I used the location tags."

Part of Hope felt guilty that Aunt Davina even had to hear this story. She had told Hope stories about a boy named Tim, who she'd met when she was around fifteen; a boy who Hope's father had killed because she had had the nerve to stand up to him. Davina had once told Hope that she regretted ever reaching out to Tim again -- how if she had just avoided going to one of his concerts in the French Quarter, he might've survived.

Yes, Hope had heard all of the horror stories that came with falling in love with a human; for a brief moment, she didn't care. All she wanted was to feel normal for once. To have someone that didn't look at her like a freak. The tribrid; the daughter of Klaus Mikaelson; granddaughter of the Original witch; the girl who was destined to never fit in, no matter how hard she tried.

"Would it be fair to consider her human?" Freya questioned, "If she's being protected by this creature, she may descend from witches."

"If there were supernaturals living in Statera, the map would've shown us," Hope responded. She bit her lip, staring down at the map and tracing the dark border that had grown, surrounding Statera and making it that of a fortress.

Lizzie shrugged. "Or you could've messed up the spell."

"This spell has worked every other time we've needed to track down a new recruit. Why would it be an issue now?" Hope sighed, covering her face. "Look, do you guys remember the Vietnamese legend about the Unsullied? The supernatural guards who were supposed to protect their people during the Dark Ages? It said that they disappeared, but their owners left on boats, right? Maybe they came here."

"But why Virginia?" Davina questioned. "If they wanted to protect their families from armies and supernatural species, why choose a town an hour away from the birthplace of the Original vampires? Why choose a place so close to the water that it could be attacked without a moments hesitation?"

"The logistics don't matter right now," Josie pointed out. "What matters is that we need to go to Statera and see what's going on."

"What? And risk your lives?" Rebekah raised her eyebrows. "No. My niece is not going to fight one of those beasts again."

"We kind of don't have a choice," Hope hissed. "I need to know she's still alive."

Kol cut in, his voice cold and harsh. "Hope. Your survivor's guilt is not an excuse for putting yourself in harm's way."

"Didn't we kill you?" Dr. Saltzman murmured before shaking his head. "Hope's right. Statera is an hour away from Salvatore School. We need to make sure we know what's going on there, and whether or not those monsters are a threat to us."

Lizzie scoffed. "Yeah, let's all listen to Hope. The reason we're in this position in the first place."

Hope grabbed the phone and hung up before her family members could retaliate. Rebekah bared her fangs at the blonde witch, as if daring her to keep going. Hope reached into her pocket, grabbing Dr. Saltzman's car keys, throwing them in his direction.

"Enough with the family drama. Let's go."

[tabloidtoc]

Globe, November 9

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Prince Andrew fails lie detector -- new crisis rocks the palace 

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- Bruno Toniolo shirtless, Heidi Pratt at a pumpkin patch in L.A., Jacqueline Bisset catches some rays in L.A. 

Page 3: Larry David leaves an L.A. office, Ellen Pompeo, Pete Wentz 

Page 4: Kathie Lee Gifford is talking to NBC bigwigs about coming back to Today and they’re hot over the idea but Hoda Kotb is not pleased and Jenna Bush Hager is feeling threatened because Jenna never really grabbed the audience like Kathie Lee did, Martha Stewart and Gwyneth Paltrow are heading into the holidays trash-talking each other even more than usual and their pals have nowhere to hide -- they’re snippier than ever and can’t get through the week without saying something crass but the trouble is they have the same friends and they use some of the same chefs and caterers and crew -- all their friends in the Hamptons including the Seinfelds and Beyonce and Jay-Z and Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley and Rachael Ray are trying to keep out of it but it’s impossible because Martha and Gwyneth are both screaming for loyalty 

Page 5: Legal hotshot and writer Jeffrey Toobin has been shelved by the New Yorker magazine for showing off his willie to co-workers during a Zoom conference call -- witnesses say Toobin was masturbating but he insists it was a blooper

Page 6: Dolly Parton was so lovestruck when she met Elvis Presley that she nearly chucked her marriage and career to shack up with Elvis -- Dolly is ready to tell all about Elvis after decades of protecting her husband Carl Dean and Elvis’ only child Lisa Marie Presley -- Dolly was in her late 20s and Elvis was in his late 30s when they had their sizzling encounter where she got dolled up to meet Elvis in a Nashville office and discuss working together and he wanted to do a duet but she didn’t trust herself to work with him and she didn’t even let Elvis do a cover of her song I Will Always Love You -- even though Dolly didn’t actually cheat on Carl she sure was tempted and she’s felt guilty about it ever since 

Page 8: Just two weeks after splitting with his wife of 14 years former Home Improvement kid Zachery Ty Bryan was arrested and jailed on charges of trying to strangle a terrified galpal -- after a night of partying where he was photographed surrounded by four gals with an iced bottle of vodka at the table Zachery reportedly got into a heated clash with his galpal and she claims Zachery grabbed her by the throat and squeezed then tried to snatch her phone when she attempted to call 911 so she ran to a neighbor’s home where she hid while cops were called 

Page 9: Distressed Kelly Clarkson and her two toddlers are in therapy to help cope with the anguish brought on by her divorce from Brandon Blackstock -- the talk show host is especially struggling because the split is playing out so publicly and the kids are seeing things about their mom on TV and she feels immense guilt about the divorce but knows it was the best decision because she wasn’t happy married to Brandon though she did try but staying in a marriage just for the kids wasn’t an option for her -- Kelly was deeply wounded when her father-in-law Narvel Blackstock’s management company recently sued her for $1.4 million in alleged unpaid commissions but she’s speaking with her ex privately in an effort to resolve the issue out of court but Kelly suspects he’s using it as a bargaining chip for a bigger settlement and also feels he’s using the kids against her as a weapon 

Page 10: Showbiz legend Michelle Phillips has become a shut-in who sits home alone tippling wine while watching movies on TV and listening to her hits from The Mamas & the Papas where she is the last surviving member of the band -- she’s sad the rest are all gone  and she’ll put on a record and sit in the dark; she misses them and so many other people -- she’s become a shut-in due to the pandemic and can’t bear for people to see her so old and haggard and overweight and all those years of partying have done their damage to her once-beautiful face -- she also hasn’t been able to see her young grandson and she’s grieving the loss of her longtime lover who died in 2017 

Page 11: Baywatch hunk Jeremy Jackson’s cover girl ex-wife has been found homeless wandering California’s mean streets in worn and shabby clothes -- lost for two years Loni Willison is now virtually unrecognizable with missing teeth and her long blond tresses cropped short -- she was found pushing a grocery cart filled with her battered possessions in Venice -- despite her tragic situation she insists she’d doing fine and doesn’t want help despite reportedly having drug and mental health issues 

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Rita Ora in a see-through frock (picture), Lily James got caught brazenly canoodling with the very much married Dominic West who plays her father in the BBC miniseries The Pursuit of Love, just weeks after Cardi B filed to dissolve her marriage to Offset she’s put the split on hold and all it took was Offset to spend bucks on a heart-tugging Sunset Strip billboard and a Rolls-Royce and a Hermes Birkin bag, Kate Hudson’s getting loose-lipped about gross snotty smooches with her leading man Matthew McConaughey 

Page 13: Vinny Guadagnino eating in Beverly Hills (picture), Kaitlyn Bristowe has a puffy trout pout (picture), Shia LaBeouf doesn’t let an apparent injury keep him from getting out and about in Pasadena (picture), Alanis Morissette says the fame that came with her 1995 revenge song You Oughta Know wasn’t so sweet but instead was an isolating experience 

Page 14: Nicole Kidman is starring opposite Hugh Grant in the thriller series The Undoing but she really wanted to plays Hugh’s love interest in Notting Hill except she wasn’t well-known enough, Reba McEntire has landed herself a brand new TV show which is a modernized Fried Green Tomatoes drama series in which she’ll play the present-day Idgie Threadgoode, Fashion Verdict -- Regina King 8/10, Isabelle Huppert 2/10, Queen Maxima 5/10, Tracee Ellis Ross 9/10, Cher 4/10 

Page 16: How John F. Kennedy stole the White House from Richard Nixon -- Chicago mob rigged the 1960 vote and cheated Nixon out of the presidency 

Page 19: True Crime 

Page 21: Parkinson’s patient Alan Alda is refusing to slow down at age 84 and friends fear the fragile M*A*S*H legend is headed for a devastating health crisis and he’s busier now than he ever was even during his sitcom days and he bravely says he lives with it by staying active but medication can only do so much and his friends and family including wife Arlene are worried he’s pushing himself too hard, teary-eyed Ringo Starr confesses his last conversation with dying Beatles bandmate George Harrison was heartbreaking and unforgettable -- Ringo wanted to stay with George until the end but his daughter Lee had been diagnosed with a brain tumor and Ringo had to rush to Boston to see her and when Ringo told George he had to go to Boston George said D’ya want me to come wit’ ya? so even on his death bed George made his best buddy smile while both faced unspeakable grief 

Page 22: 10 Things You Don’t Know About S. Epatha Merkerson, Today show host Hoda Kotb reveals Frank Sinatra Jr. was the show’s worst guest because he clammed up instead of touting a book about his famous dad in 2015, Khloe Kardashian confesses she once worked as Nicole Richie’s personal assistant because she just needed a job and they went to school together -- Nicole’s reality career crashed in 2007 which was the same year Khloe’s series started

Page 24: Cover Story -- Disgraced Prince Andrew has flunked a lie detector test on his close relationship with murdered American pedophile Jeffrey Epstein and now the rogue royal insists he’ll never cooperate with the FBI for fear his testimony will land him behind bars but Queen Elizabeth’s favorite son has his back against the wall as new evidence surfaces on both sides of the Atlantic -- Andrew is terrified newly released secret testimony from Epstein’s accused madam Ghislaine Maxwell is just the tip of the iceberg of what she’s prepared to reveal and Maxwell’s revelations detailing her twisted sex life come on the heels of an explosive new British book accusing Andrew of attending debauched events with Epstein where teenage girls were parading around topless -- even though friends close to Andrew say he did nothing wrong and has no reason to fear the prince may not have a choice about spilling his guts because the fed-up royal family is threatening to cut off the cash-strapped rogue unless he plays ball 

Page 25: Prince Andrew has been banished from the gift shop at his mother’s Balmoral Castle -- tourists can still purchase postcards her Her Majesty’s kids Prince Charles and Princess Anne and Prince Edward but Prince Andrew has disappeared which is a sure sign that Andrew is in the doghouse since items featuring Elizabeth’s beloved corgis are still up for sale 

Page 26: Health Report 

Page 27: Dirtiest places on planes exposed 

Page 30: Serial sleaze Matt Lauer’s ready to pop the question to girlfriend Shamin Abas over the holidays and he hopes for a brighter future with her a year after his 20-year marriage to Annette Roque ended in divorce -- Matt showers Shamin her with gifts and wants to buy a house on the East Coast where they can make new memories and Matt’s hinted he’s already bought the ring and plans to propose by New Year’s and he hopes to have a celeb-studded wedding at their new home, Kathleen Turner will be back at Michael Douglas’ throat as his acid ex in The Kominsky Method to fill the hole left by Alan Arkin who abruptly pulled out of the third and final season of the show

Page 35: Matthew McConaughey’s father predicted he’d die while making love to his wife and he did, desperate to turn back time Marie Osmond is going whole hog on a head-to-toe makeover -- Marie is no stranger to cosmetic fixes and she is considering a slew of procedures to get a new look that’ll knock ‘em out including everything from Botox and fillers to face-lift to boob job and lipo-sculpting to enhance her waistline -- the makeover is motivated by revenge because she’s bitter over recently being pushed off her co-host gig on The Talk and now she’s counting on a younger look to land her a plum new TV gig 

Page 38: Real Life Monsters 

Page 39: Kris Jenner blames social media for ending the 14-year run of Keeping Up with the Kardashians because when the show started there was no Instagram or Snapchat or other social media platforms but now she gripes that now there are so many the viewer doesn’t have to wait three or four months to see an episode but instead information spreads online in real time, Phil Collins’ ex-wife has traded him in for a 31-year-old guitarist who never managed to make much noise in the music industry -- Phil was furious when he heard Orianne Cevey married Tom Bates in Las Vegas, Black Panther star Chadwick Boseman died without a will according to his widow -- Taylor Simone Ledward filed a probate case in L.A. asking a judge to name her administrator of Boseman’s estimated $938,500 estate with limited authority

Page 44: Straight Talk -- Bruce Willis and Demi Moore’s daughter Rumer Willis claims posing for raunchy bondage shots proves she’s a liberated woman free from sexual stereotypes but it’s not that simple 

Page 45: Jeff Bridges is battling non-Hodgkin lymphoma which is a rampaging cancer that often spreads through the body to the liver and bone marrow and lungs -- while the cancer can be deadly experts say the five-year survival rate is 73 percent 

[forever-your-soldat]

To Bring Back What She Lost

Loyalty

Redemption

Part 3 like you guys requested. I won’t be following the movie, just so you guys know. I realized that the first two parts just ended in angst so I’m trying to be a bit(?) different with this one.

Gif are not mine.

When the team went back to the compound, Y/n had basically shut everyone out. Steve tried his best to get her to speak, but every time he did, she’d look him dead in the eyes with her own dull ones.

“Not now. Please.”

That was all it took before he let her go and lock herself in her room. That was all he could give her after she’s basically lost her father and now, girlfriend.

Natasha was just as worried. Heck, everyone left of the Avengers were worried because they cared deeply for the girl. But now they couldn’t do anything that could soothe her pain. But Natasha had bonded with the young Stark much more than anyone else on the team and it broke her heart to see how much the whole predicament was tearing the girl apart.

“We have to help her.” The Black Widow mumbled while staring worriedly at the door Y/n disappeared in and Steve sighed. “I know. But we can’t do anything, not unless we somehow find Tony and undo what Thanos has done.” He answered while running his hand down his face.

Pepper rushed into the room, her panic evident on her face and Natasha stood up. “Where is she? Is she and Wanda okay?” Despite not being Y/n’s biological mother, she treated her like she was her own and vice versa. And with Wanda, she was very welcoming.

Bruce grimaced at the question as he stared at the ground. “Wanda is... she’s not here.” Pepper’s eyes widened and she gasped before looking around. “Y/n is... she’s in her room. She won’t talk to us, but I think she needs you right now.” She didn’t need to be told twice before Pepper came knocking on Y/n’s door.

“Y/n? Honey, it’s me.” She called out and the others watched. It was only a few seconds, but the door slowly opened and they caught a glimpse of the girl’s tired and broken expression before she buried her face into Pepper’s neck and clung to her for dear life, her sobs echoing in the room while the other soothed her.

“I know, honey. I know.” She whispered to her hair as they both sank down to their knees. Pepper started to gently rock her back and forth while running her fingers through her messy locks.

The others in the room watched with sorrow and guilt, feeling as though it was their responsibility to prevent all of this from happening yet failed to do so.

It took two days before Y/n was ready to leave her room and face the world that was left. The world without Tony and/or Wanda. Just the thought of it made her eyes sting, but she took in a deep breath and held them back. She was only glad that Pepper was still with her. She stayed by her side like she did with her.

They kept each other grounded despite the absence of their loved ones. Sure, the Avengers were still there to look after them, but they couldn’t fill the void that Tony and Wanda left in the two’s lives. They still tried. And Steve did his best to take care of them, Y/n most specially after he promised Tony that he would look after her.

That went on until one night, Thor informed them of an incoming ship. Carol could be seen as she was close enough then set the ship down before walking to the side. She looked at Y/n with a small smile. “I think I got you something.” She murmured before Tony emerged from the ship with Nebula helping him.

Pepper’s eyes welled up in tears and her grip on Y/n slackened before she felt her shoulders trembling. The auburn haired woman looked toward the girl in her arms and hugged her tightly. “He’s okay. He’s alive.”

But the memories of her last meeting with Tony surfaced in her mind and her breathing stuttered before clinging on to Pepper tight. “B-But he hates me.” She said in a small voice that made Pepper kiss her head. “He doesn’t hate you, honey.”

Steve was rather tense as he came closer, but Tony staggered into him before gripping his shoulder. “I lost the kid.” And suddenly all the tension disappeared and Steve held his form upright. He knew how much Tony places blames on himself.

Peter was like a son to him, and watching him as he faded away made his chest tighten at the thought of his own daughter.

Tony looked at their faces before looking around, wanting to know, wanting to see if Pepper was there. But most of all, he needed to see his daughter.

"Where is she?" His eyes fell on Steve blue ones and he gave him a smile. "She's safe, Tony." Natasha answered before she and the others stepped aside and there he saw his two girls farther away and his tears finally fell. He made eye contact with his fiancée, who gave him a watery smile over Y/n's shoulder due to having her back turned to him.

Tony lessened the distance, Steve and Rhodey guiding him before stopping a few feet away.

"Hey bug." Y/n tensed at his voice and Pepper squeezed her before she turned in her arms. "Missed me?"

It was a split second when Y/n let go of her mom and latched onto her father, her arms wrapped tight around him as she sobbed into his chest and he laid his cheek on her head as his arms secured her against him.

"It's okay. I've got you."

After Tony was hooked up and had his wounds treates properly, they had all gone back to th conference room and went over the list of all the people Thanos wiped out. Tony watched and as soon as Peter's face popped up in one of the screens then lowered his head while Y/n saw Wanda's.

Her heart ached and she wanted to reach out in hopes that maybe that would be enough to bring her back, but she didn't, and she wouldn't.

"We have to find a way to undo this. If anything, that son of a bitch still has the stones." Tony's eyes scanned over the room before he let out a breath. "We couldn't defeat him the first time, what makes you think we can now?" He voiced his thoughts out.

"He's wounded. The stones have already weakened him, so coming for him will be easier." Thor informed him while he inspected Strombreaker.

"And before, you didn't have me." Carol added in with her arms crossed. Y/n's eyes shifted to the map before she stood up and squinted when a signal became visible to her eyes. "He used the stones again."

All heads snap in her direction before she's zooming in on the location on a far and isolated planet.

Steve and Carol walked closer to inspect the location while Y/n continued to stare at the single dot that lit up on the planet.

"Suit up."

As they arrived to finally retrieve the stones, however, Thanos had already destroyed them, leaving him completely defenseless against the group of heroes. Yet he was still able to taunt them as his eyes landed on their faces.

"Stark. It's good that you were able to retrieve each other. At least you were spared." Y/n was seething as she clenched her fists but Natasha placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it, reminding her to keep a level head.

"You took everything away from me." The girl hissed and the Titan gave her a look. "It was not everything. You have your father and I'm sure that is more than sufficient."

"I may have my father, but you stripped me of all the other people I care about. You hurt them, and that is unforgivable."

"It's a small price to pay. Soon, you will see my vision." Thor had gripped his axe tight in his hands before he swung and decapitated the Titan, his anger reflected in his eyes before they all turned away and left.

Y/n was the last to leave, staring at Thanos' corpse before she finally turned back and Tony stayed by her and soon, they were back with Pepper.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

When days turned to weeks, Tony was back and fully healed, minus the emotional scars from the war. He and Pepper had gotten married, only with the few family they had left and whoever was there from the Avengers.

Y/n was there, taking pictures of the couple and smiling as she watched her father finally happy with the love of his life. She couldn't help the tear that slipped when she remembered Wanda but was quick to wipe it away and plastered a smile for her parents.

After that, they had made the decision to finally settle themselves in a nice cabin shortly after Pepper was able to adopt Y/n to be her daughter. It was far from the rest of the population, but it was where they built their home and life. They carried on, and Pepper knew of the weight that both her husband and daughter carried on their shoulders, but she couldn't do much but be there for them as best as they could.

In the blink of an eye, Morgan was born and she quickly brought light back into the family's life. She was the little bundle of joy that made both Tony and Y/n forget about the struggles they went through, their minds soon having the same resolution that they would keep waking to protect and love her.

Five years after the snap however, their little bubble was breached when Steve and company stepped out of the car. Y/n watched them from the window while Morgan was in her arms. "Hey princess, can you go to mommy for a bit? Dad and I have to talk with some people." She smiled as her sister nodded her head, giving her a kiss before she zoomed off to look for her mother.

Tony was already outside and they were all waiting for her because as soon as she was within reach, Steve gave her a small smile before he started to speak of why they were actually there. Her father was quick to shoot the idea down, however. Time travel.

It was impossible.

No one was actually able to make it happen, but they knew only Tony was capable of such a thing. Thankfully, Morgan arrived to save them and Tony picked her up to place her on his hip and one arm went around Y/n's shoulders.

"I know that you both have a lot at stake." Steve paused when they were headed back to the car. "But if there is a chance, I want to give it back to everyone." He cast Y/n a meaningful glance and she turned away from him before he finally left.

Later that night, Y/n was wide awake with Morgan snuggled up against her chest and playing with her necklace, the one Wanda gave her on their first anniversary.

"You should be sleeping, princess. It's late." The older sibling mumbled as her fingers ran through the others brown locks. "But I'm not sleepy yet." The little girl responded, still fiddling with the necklace. "N/n, who were they?" She knew who her sister was referring to and she didn't really want to talk about earlier, but she could never hide things from her sister.

"Those were old friends. They just wanted to come and visit us." Y/n told her before she felt the small girl shifting in her arms and was soon sitting up. "Why were you sad when the big man left? Do you miss them?"

Y/n could only think she was referring to Steve. But her thoughts were going around. She missed them, yes. But seeing them again only reminded her of the love she lost. "Can we go outside Y/n?" It was rare for Morgan to want to go out at night because she always listened when their parents told her it was time for bed. Y/n had only agreed once, but that soon turned into more than just one time.

"Alright. But only for a while then you're off to bed." Morgan grinned widely as she jumped off the bed and Y/n followed after her sister. They bounded down the stairs and Y/n blinked in confusion at the light being on. But it was until she heard Tony's voice did she realize what was happening.

"What's shit?"

Eyes widening, Y/n quickly scooped her sister into her arms exactly as Tony's head snapped in their direction at the stairs, eyes wide in surprise and the two girls smiled, one out of innocence and the other, nervousness.

"Okay, what are you doing down here? You're both supposed to be sleeping." He stood up and walked to the two while Y/n cocked her head. "I actually said the same thing, but she isn't sleepy and wanted to go out." Tony raised a brow at them before he glanced back at the blueprints then turned it off.

"I have a better idea."

They were back in bed, each with an ice pop in hand while Tony was telling Morgan a story about how they saved New York against Loki's army. Y/n smiled at the memory. Back then, she wasn't capable of fighting alongside him and the others, but it was the reason why she started to train.

Once the little girl was fast asleep, Y/n threw the sticks in the nearby trash bin before she looked at her dad, who was watching both of them. "From your sudden burst earlier, I'm assuming you figured it out?"

Tony's eyes narrowed slightly before pointing a finger at her. "Tell her Morgan heard me and I'll tell her you tried sneaking out." Y/n raised a hand in defense, her other arm stuck under her sister's head so she did her best to avoid waking her up.

There was a brief pause before Tony let out a breath. "Are you okay with this?" He asked her and the h/c smiled before she reached for his hand. "We know the risks, dad. But we're fighting for the world. For her." She gestured to the sleeping girl in her arms. "It's scary, but we'll be here."

Tony stared at her for a while before he smiled softly and kissed the top of her head, then did the same for the other. "Get some sleep. We'll be busy tomorrow."

They arrived, Steve was there to greet them, though surprised when Tony revealed that he had the blueprints ready then gave him back his shield. They had it all set up after a few hours and they had figured out the year when the stones were both on earth.

Clint was present, and he was surprised to see both Y/n and Tony there. Despite everything that's happened, he was glad that they were back and well. Eventually, he decided to be the one to test the machine, arriving in a minute, with his son's glove in his hands and tears in his eyes.

"It worked."

Those two words was all it took for the whole team to be filled with both determination and anxiety. This was their chance. And they were going to take it.

Y/n looked around when they all came back, all having retrieved what they needed, but she notices the lack of one person.

She and Clint made eye contact and she saw the pain and guilt in them as he showed them the stone. Her heart broke once she realized the cost of the stone and she sucked in a deep breath.

"This has to work. We'll make it work, now more than ever." Clint spoke those his eyes were on the ground and Y/n gripped his arm. "We will."

After finalizing the glove and deciding who would undo the snap, they all braced themselves for the force the stones would unleash and Hulk looked at all of them before he took in a deel breath, groaning in pain before he snapped his fingers.

"Take it off!" They all hurried to take the glove off and Tony sprayed his arm with a cooling substance to soothe the burn of the radiation while Scott stepped out and Clint looked over his shoulder when he heard his phone vibrating on the table.

Upon closer inspection, his eyes stared in disbelief as Laura's face and name popped up on his screen before answering the call, relief immediately washing over him as he heard her voice asking him where he was.

Their victory was short-lived before the building was blown up. Thanos' army was coming and they knew he was waiting for them.

Tony glanced over to his daughter and saw that she was already looking at him. They both gave each other a nod then turned to Steve and Thor, both nodding as well before they went to face the Titan one more time.

It was as if they were back in the first fight, only this time, they were together and Steve was able to lift Mjolnir. They were able to put up a fight, but Thanos had more experience in battle so he was able to throw a series of attacks on Thor and Tony before Y/n lunging at him from behind, sending him to the ground but as soon as she took a step back, Thanos grabbed her ankle threw her down before discarding her to a random pile of rubble.

Steve panted heavily while he stood, shield cracked and missing a piece. In that moment, his eyes showed fear as he saw the army behind the mad Titan, but his stance doesn't change. And when a portal appeared behind him, he looked over his shoulder and was greeted with the sight of Shuri, Okoye, and the Black Panther.

"Captain."

More portals opened up and numerous people came into the field, all of the Wakandans, Mastets of the Mystic Arts, the Guardians, and his friends.

Tony, Thor, and Y/n landed by him again and they each glanced at each other, all with new found vigor before Steve summoned Mjolnir once more. "Avengers...."

"Assemble."

A roar came from their side as they all charged forward to take down the army. Steve and Thor went to team against Thanos but they were blocked off by various of his minions until the gauntlet presented itself and it was soon being passed from person to person.

"You know, you've been a really big pain in my ass the moment you stepped into my life." Y/n chimed as she landed in front of Thanos. "Stark. I can't say that I'm surprised by your presence."

She grinned at that before her leg swung up and connected with his chin, quickly followed by a blast from her glove. "How's that feel you prick?" She yelled before he started to fight back.

Y/n was able to either dodge or block his attacks, but not all of them. So when he managed to knock her down, she had no time to block the blade as it came swinging down on her head.

She shut her eyes tight, bracing for the pain, but it never came. When she opened her eyes, her heart jumped to her throat when she saw a familiar red energy holding the blade inches away from her. Looking over her shoulder, her lips formed a wide smile when Wanda stood tall, hands enveloped in red.

They met each others gaze for a brief moment before Wanda glared at the Titan. "You took everything away from me." She growled lowly. "I don't even know you." Thanos scoffed.

"You will." And with a blast, he went hurtling away.

Wanda then looked back at her girlfriend before she started to sprint. As soon as she was a few feet away, Wanda slid on her knees before she pulled Y/n into her arms.

Y/n was immediately covered in warmth and she relished in the comfort her girlfriend gave her, burying her face to her neck as she squeezed her tight. "You're here." She managed to choke out and Wanda pulled away, smile present on her face.

"I'll always come home to you."

For a brief moment, they forgot that they were in a battlefield. They forgot that Thanos was still there. They forgot about the chaos around them. Wanda grabbed the back of Y/n's neck and crashed their lips together in a searing kiss.

They only pulled apart for air before Wanda pressed their forehead together. "Let's finish this." Y/n smiled and nodded her head, giving her one more kiss before they both got back and faced the purple alien.

Y/n was a good distraction and Wanda used that to her advantage before she had Thanos in the air and used her powers to tear him apart. He yelled in pain and Y/n watched, but she was quick to see the ship's canons pointed at them. It didn't take her long to realize what he was up to before she went flying over to Wanda then covering her as the ship started to rain fire on them.

"Are you okay?" She asked and the witch nodded her head before they had gone back, joining the rest of the girls with Carol leading them. She had the gauntlet in her possession and Scott was waiting for her. But meters before reaching him, Thanos threw his blade at her, knocking her back and the gauntlet flew into his direction.

"No!"

Retrieving the stones, Thanos smirked at them as he put the glove on, letting the power surge into his body. He went to snap his fingers, but Carol went barreling into him and knocked him back. He tried to fight her off, but he was realized that he wouldn't be able to beat her with brute force so he took the power stone from the gauntlet, charging it before he used it to hit her, successfully throwing her away.

Y/n eyes went over the scene and she grit her teeth. She wasn't going to let him get away anymore. She knew this time.

She looked over at Tony, seeing him fending off against the aliens. "Hey dad." She saw his head perk up at her voice and he went to find her over the chaos. "Get some rest. You deserved it." His eyes were filled with confusion by her statement but as soon as he found her, his face filled with desperation but she had cut off communication with him before she connected with Wanda's.

"I've got you, babe." She smiled before she turned and faced the Titan.

Wanda was able to throw off all the enemies around her when she heard her voice. She immediately looked back to where she last saw her and her heart stopped. "Y/n, stop. Wait for me." She pleaded as she started to run in her direction, but more of Thanos' minions blocked her way.

"It'll be over soon. Don't worry anymore." Y/n breathed in before she opened fire at Thanos. "I love you."

"Y/n!"

But she had already gone and tackled the large being, thrown off after a while and Thanos looked at her with a victorious grin. "I am inevitable." He declared before he snapped his fingers. But seconds passed and nothing happened. He looked at the glove only to see it empty then to Y/n.

She was down on her knees, one hand raised with all the stones. She chuckled breathlessly as she watched him. "I... am Y/n Stark."

When she snapped her fingers, the army finally started fading and Thanos watched. He then looked to the girl before he resigned himself and accepted defeat before he faded away.

Tony's throat went dry when he saw his daughter crumble to the ground and he quickly flew over. Wanda was cominf from the other direction.

"Y/n? Y/n, honey, no. No, no, no, come on. Why did you do that? It wasn't supposed to be you." Tony couldn't stop the crack in his voice as he stepped out of his suit and fell to his knees to hold his daughter in his arms. "Why did you go and do that, bug?"

Pepper was there in minutes, just as Wanda did and she held a hand to her mouth after she had left her own suit to kneel beside her husband. She saw the pain that lingered on the girl's face and she took her hand in her own. "It's alright honey. We have you. We're here." But her tears didn't stop themselves from falling.

Wanda cupped her girlfriend's face in her hands, her lower lip trembling as she leaned down. "Printsessa, no. Please..." She pleaded. "You said you'd come back when this all ends. It's over. We won." She desperately tried to fight her tears back but it was no use.

She could hear Peter sobbing behind them, begging for his best friend's life. "Don't go. Please, please, stay. Y/n don't go." All of their friends and comrades slowly gathered around them.

They were all able to bring back the loved ones of the whole world, but at the expense of their own.

Y/n smiled at them, squeezing Pepper's hand with the little energy she had left, her eyes unfocused. "It's okay." She whispered. "I got you this time." She added before her eyes started to grow dull and they saw the remainding life she had left slowly slipping away until her hand grew slack in Pepper's hands.

A sob tore through Tony's throat, a strangled cry as he held Y/n's head against his chest after he ripped the glove from her hand then threw it away. Wanda's shoulders trembled as she cried out. Her head pressed into the armor over her chest.

Y/n slowly opened her eyes, squinting at the bright light that surrounded her before she saw where she was.

"Why am I..."

"Y/n? What are you doing here?" She looked over her shoulder at the voice and a woman was there, dressed in a simple white dress. Her hair was let down, falling over her shoulders and her e/c stared back into Y/n's.

"Mom?" The woman smiled softly as she wrapped her arms around her, kissing her head, just like she did when Y/n was younger.

"Oh, honey. Why are you here?" She sighed softly as she held her daughter's face in her hands and Y/n held them there. "I did it. They're okay." She answered quietly and the woman smiled. "And I'm proud of you. But honey, it's too early."

Immediately, a frown replaced the smile she had as she stared confused at her mom. "What? What do you mean?" The woman shook her head before she kissed her forehead.

"Go home for now. This place isn't for you yet."

"But-"

M/n shook her head as she caressed her cheek. "We'll catch up another time."

Everything became still, dark, and quiet. Her body felt heavy.

Then came the sound. She couldn't decipher what it was. She wasn't sure. But soon enough, she was able to slowly open her eyes then shifted slightly.

When she got a better view of her surroundings, she was able to hear clearly. Those were birds chirping. Her head turned to the side and she was greeted by a view of Wakanda.

Looking down, she placed a hand to her chest and she felt her heart beating in her chest. Her eyes then went around the room and saw that it was empty so slowly, she got off the table, nearly falling to her knees due to how weak her legs felt but she was able to catch herself and pushed herself up and left the room.

Though as soon as she reached the door, it swung open and Shuri walked in, only to freeze when she saw Y/n standing before her. The shock was obvious on her face as she moved to hold her face and she quickly pulled back.

"Y-You're alive." She stuttered out. "Oh my god..." Y/n was about to speak but Shuri was quickly speaking into her kimoyo bead bracelet was soon contacting her brother. "Bring them here. Now." She demanded before she faced the young Stark again.

"Shuri, what happened?" Y/n asked while the younger girl stared at her, still awestruck from what she's seeing. "You... Y/n you died."

The statement caused her to freeze. "You used the stones to defeat Thanos. But your body couldn't take the effects of the stone so it gave out." Shuri explained as she helped Y/n toward a chair.

"How long have I been..."

"Nearly nineteen hours." Y/n's blood ran cold as she heard that.

19 hours? But it felt s though she was only unconscious for a few minutes. How could it have been that long?

She was about to ask more, but the doors burst open, the Avengers all ready to fight, along with T'challa and Okoye. But as soon as they saw no threat, they eased up but ended up doing a double take when they saw Y/n standing there, a small and timid smile on her face as she gave them a small wave.

"Hi."

Tony had to suck in a deep breath when he hunched over. He was scared that his mind was playing tricks on him again and that he was just seeing a ghost of his dead daughter. But when he looked back up, she was still there. Alive.

One small step, then another. When he couldn’t take it, he ran the short distance between them and Shuri stepped aside when he pulled Y/n tight against him. "God... oh my god... you're... you're here." He released a trembling breath before his face was hidden on the crook of her neck.

"You're here. Jesus christ, you're really here." He rasped out and Y/n wrapped her arms around him. "I'm here, dad." She whispered and he was bawling again. They were both soon on the floor and they rocked from side to side as Y/n kept whispering into her father's ear.

"Do not do that again. Do you hear me? Never again." His voice was firm yet filled with raw emotions as he went to cradle Y/n's face in his hands. "I missed you, dammit. Morgan wouldn't stop asking when you'll wake up and-and..." Y/n smiled before she pressed a kiss to his cheek and laid her head on his chest. "I love you, dad."

He shut his eyes and hugged her tight when he kissed her head. "I love you, too... so, so much."

When Tony finally managed to gather himself and they both stood up, another body crashed into Y/n's. But unlike Tony, she was grabbed by the back of her neck and her lips found themselves on Wanda's.

Y/n melted instantly into the kiss as her arms wrapped around her waist to close whatever distance they had between them and everyone watched with smiles on their faces.

The kiss was deep, passionate, and full of emotions. It mixed with the saltiness of their tears before Wanda finally pulled away to look her dead in the eyes. "I-I'm not dreaming... you're really here?"

Y/n smiled softly as she nodded her head and kissed Wanda's forehead.

"I'm here. I'm home."

@mercurybarnes

[wexlerkimberly]

oh god, yearly round-up.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

side note: this is my TENTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! year of doing this!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have been on this website for OVER 10 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jesus christ.

ok. on a completely personal level, last year was so fucking dreadful that i remember falling asleep at my friends house on new years eve and thinking: “well, at least this year can’t be any worse”. HMMMM. in all seriousness though, despite everything, i have had a mostly decent year. i’m very lucky in lots and lots of ways. i’m lucky none of my closest family or loved ones have been effected too deeply by covid. just mild inconvenience, at most. i am lucky that i live in a house with such a large garden, so i could enjoy fresh air and family-free time if i needed to. i am lucky the weather has been mostly nice this year so i could go for plenty of walks. i’m lucky that i’m naturally a very quiet, anti-social person anyway so i haven’t felt the strain of isolation as severely as others. 

most of all, this year has been boring, if anything. but there’s still been things that have made it nice. january - birthday!!! i don’t usually go hard or anything for my birthday but it stands out to me as a really lovely day. i went for a walk to one of my favourite hills with my dad & dogs during the day. in the evening, i had badminton with my friends as i used to most thursdays (INDOOR SPORTS?!?!?!!? REMEMBER INDOORS SPORTS?!?!!?!?!) and then, as per our tradition, i went back to their flat for take-away chips and halloumi burgers. because they are so unbelievably generous and lovely, my friends bought me a new badminton racket for my birthday. i feel like i’ve barely got a chance to use this year, for obvious reasons, but i can’t wait to use it so much more as soon as possible. the following day, i went to work as normal but then went out to a really nice italian place with my family for a meal and we did birthday cake & candles when we got home. feeling stupidly grateful for so many thoughtful people in my life. february - again, this year has been so dry that a trip to the cinema could be considered a high point. but it was my only cinema trip of the year and just a really nice day. me & my friend saw jojo rabbit (which was great, if you haven’t seen it already) and afterwards we ambled around town looking at things in shops. it sounds so simple but i haven’t done any of that stuff since really, so it feels so exciting and exotic when i think back on it. 

february - stayed at my grandma’s house for the weekend. we do that as often as we can, usually, and it’s always nice. but - obviously - we haven’t been able to see my grandma much at all this year. it was nice to sit in front of the fire with her and watch tv and be given access to all sorts of baked goods and walk up the hills around by her. on the sunday, we managed to pop-in on my nana & grandad too and eat many baked goods there too.

march - meal out for my brother’s birthday. i feel like a lot of my “special days” this year revolved around someone’s birthday this year. but i think this was our last day of ‘normalcy’ before things went a bit crazy here. my family went to a caribbean pub with my brother and his gf and we had lovely tasty food and a nice night out. i think that was the last day i wore anything other than pyjamas or leggings for a long time.

april - no joke, i remember going to the vets during the peak of lockdown when the whole country was essentially shut down and it felt like THE most exciting day of my life. my cat was fine (she’d been bitten and needed painkillers for an infection but she was absolutely fine!) but i remember being near giddy in the car. my sister came with us too even though she didn’t need to because of how exciting it felt. 

may - my brother’s birthday. the other one. the first of our lockdown birthdays. we popped in to drop a card off at a friend’s who shares the same birthday as him. then we drove (DROVE! IN A CAR!) to a stretch of really lovely canal that my brother likes to walk on and had a great walk. in the evening, we ordered in an indian take-away and my sister had made a FAT four-tiered chocolate cake to celebrate.

may - ok this is very dumb but i finished breaking bad this year and i set aside a special date to watch el camino. i made a very sickly millionaire’s cheesecake and my whole family gathered round the tv to eat and re/watch el camino. it’s so dumb and silly but i was so excited, it felt like a special cinematic event. i cried. 

june - my dad’s birthday. my dad, my brother & me (plus dogs) drove out of the county (rogue fugitives!!!!!!) to meet my grandad for a socially distanced chat and picnic. it was a bit weird not being able to hug him and sitting on separate benches but it was still great to see him. we had a takeaway chinese for dinner and a chocolate cake for dessert.

july - my sister’s birthday. we technically celebrated it 4 days earlier because she had to move into her new flat but we had a nice indian take-away and another bloody chocolate birthday cake.

july - my mom’s birthday. i honestly cannot remember what we ate - i think we had homemade pizzas in the garden??? it’s weird when food dictates the differences between days. anyway, i definitely made another birthday cake.

july - went for a socially distanced walk with a friend i haven’t seen in ages. it was lovely and the weather was very kind to us and it was great to go walking across fields and to a reservoir i hadn’t been to in years and years. 

august - my brother got his GCSE results and we ate pizza in the garden to celebrate. after the monumental government fuck-up with results, we were a bit nervous about how badly they’d ruin his chances but he did very well.

september - went to visit my grandma. she had been living by herself for the entirity of the pandemic (she doesn’t mind, she’s loves to garden and she does online latin and pilates classes, she’s a very busy lady) but i think she enjoyed seeing us. we were plied full of food once again. we went for a lovely evening ramble on the hills right by her house. on the sunday, my dad went for a walk with a friend he hasn’t seen in ages while me, my brother and my grandma went for another hill walk elsewhere. i think my grandma really enjoyed that because she hasn’t been able to go walking much because she was so anxious about tripping and being completely alone, or being rescued by someone carrying The Virus. so it was nice to accompany her. after that, we had a nice socially distanced meeting with my grandparents in their garden. it felt very risky to me because i am insanely anxious but my grandma, my grandad and my nana are all very safe and healthy.

october - halloween!!! i never celebrate halloween BUT this year, i was so sick of being the house every single day i decided to organise something different. so in the evening, me, my dad & my brother went for a halloween walk in the countryside through a graveyard, then through a field where there used to be an old abonnonded saxon village, and then finally through hagley wood where bella of wych elm was found. my dad & my brother were completely uneffected but i was absolutely shitting myself at every tiny little thing. my dogs had their little flashing colours on and we all had torches but i was still so pathetically spooked by everything. after the walk, we met my mom in the car (i had to get changed in the car from my walking stuff to vaguely presentable clothes) then we went to a goddamn PUB!!!!!!!!! to eat a meal!!!!!!!!!!! i went a bit overboard making my family santise their hands every 5 minutes but we definitely had a lovely meal.

november - did a bonfire in the garden for bonfire night. ate homemade vegan chilli and then apple crumble. it was freezing cold and we tried to stay out there for as long as we could. i even managed to find some sparklers and me & my brother waltzed around the garden with them, likesay we’re not an adult and a child-grown. the others melted marshmallows on the fire and i just enjoyed watching the fireworks i could see and throwing balls for the dogs.

november - we’re brits lmao but when joe biden’s presidency was finally confirmed, we celebrated with an indonesian take-away because fuck it!!!!!!!! gotta celebrate where we could this year!!!!!!!!!! 

december - christmas!!!!!!!!!!!! we usually have christmas every year at my grandma’s house with my aunt and her boyfriend. it’s a fairly decent sized house out in the countryside and she has a wood-burning fire and it just Feels more christmassy there, especially as i’ve literally only ever spent one single christmas at home before. but we still managed to make it very special this year i think. my sister came on the 13th and we got quickly into a routine of watching christmas films in the evening. on christmas eve, i made vegan gingerbread biscuits and vegan mince pies and my sister made a chocolate yule log cake and then we watched a film. on christmas morning, we all opened our presents in our own living room which felt weird but was still lovely. afterwards, we went for a family walk. my mom pretty much single-handedly (me & my sister helped) cooked a whole christmas dinner for the 6 of us with all the trimmings. usually it’s my grandma, my aunt and my mom but the fact my mom managed to cook such a goddamn feast with our shitty oven where the grill doesn’t work and you have to slam the oven door at least 5 times before it shuts.......... i’m convinced she Might be superwoman?!?!!?!? and it was SO good. in the evening, we had cheese & crackers and my sister’s tasty yule log and we watched many a film. boxing day was much the same but still nice. this whole stretch between christmas and new years day is usually painfully boring but this year has been good, i think. i have consumed an entire army’s worth of cheese and chocolate and i have definitely enjoyed the snow we’ve had here recently.

so. yeah. this is very basic and boring. none of these things would usually end up in my write-up of the year. but i haven’t been to a single concert or theatre trip or even really left the midlands at all. in my round-up last year, i wrote some stupid sentimental bullshit about romanticising “the most basic and boring aspects of life” and never has that been so apt. on the face of it, this year has been SO boring. but i’ve managed to make it enjoyable in the tiniest ways.

for example, i enjoyed every single sunny day. i would jump on the trampoline and listen to podcasts. i would go running and listen to podcasts. i would go walking and listen to podcasts. i owe a lot to podcasts, i think. but i definitively owe a LOTTTTT to walking. i walk for a living (i’m a dog-walker lmao) but i would still go out for walks with my own dogs in the evening or go out for walks with my dad in the morning where i could. if we thought we made good use of the pizza oven last year, this year has been insane. i have made and cooked SO! MANY! pizzas this year and they were all excellent. i feel like food has been really important this year. like i said, it helps distinguish the days, especially “special” or “treat” foods. like everyone i have done a lottt of baking this year. especially when it’s been such a great year for fruit!!! there’s a field near me and there’s just simply shit loads of blackberries and raspberries that grow there. i remember one evening sat in the garden eating some mango sorbet my sister made with some raspberries i picked from the field and thinking that life simply does not get better than that. idk. it’s nice to take pleasure in the smallest things i think.

but, like i said, i have been so lucky this year. i was only off work temporarily and none of my immediate circle have been directly impacted by the effects of covid. as annoying as they are, i’m very lucky to have spent so much time with my family - as opposed to be being by myself - because it’s nice when we make food for each other and watch tv and films together or go for walks together. 

god. this is long and waffley. if you read all this: what the fuck is wrong with you? but also: thank you! i know 2021 is definitely going to start off rocky but i strongly believe - and i’m a massive pessimist - that things are going to get better.  love and strength to everyone. wishing you peace and comfort x 

(again: i cannot believe i have been writing up this silly little incoherent things for a decade!!! sometimes i like to go back and read the earlier ones and remind myself of old fun times and cringe at teenage me. here’s to... 10 more years??? hahahahaha. anyway:here’s the other 9 years of nonsense: 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, and, finally, 2011.)

[infiniteinmyownlittleworld]

Growing Pains - Chapter 1

“This is the story of James Potter's sixth year at Hogwarts. Despite trying to play it cool, he's always got a lot going on. The First Wizarding War is just getting worse. His best friend has just been blasted off his family tree. They run around with a werewolf every full moon. Oh, and there's always the unreachable Lily Evans. It's going to be an interesting year.”

A/N: If you haven’t read the prologue, you can find it here. If you’d rather read on Fanfiction.net, you can do so here. This is a companion story to Solstilla’s Belonging. Hope you enjoy :)

James took a breath as he, his parents, and Sirius arrived at Platform 9 ¾, clutching Ora’s cage to ensure that she wouldn’t get knocked around by anyone running by.  Finally, it was time to go back to school. Honestly, he was relieved. Although he loved being home and spending time with his parents, he did miss school. He missed sneaking out and staying up late in the dorms. He missed transforming in the Shrieking Shack with the boys every full moon. While he was glad that he had Sirius for the last month of his summer, he missed the other marauders too. He hadn’t seen Peter since school ended because his mum was so strict. Remus had come by a handful of times during the summer, but James knew that his transformations were very difficult on him when he was isolated in the basement of his parents’ house. 

He knew that they’d all be happier back at school. Euphemia and Fleamont had welcomed Sirius, bringing him into the family as one of their own, but James knew his best friend. He knew that Sirius was still hurting, even if he tried to brush it off and act like he wasn’t. He wasn’t sure how he’d take seeing Regulus again, but at least he’d have the other marauders there for him. 

As they stood on the platform, James smiled faintly, crinkling his nose as his mother started doting on him. “Mum, we’ll be back at Christmas,” he promised as she straightened his Gryffindor tie. “Honestly, it’ll come before you know it. You won’t even have time to miss us.”

At that, Euphemia Potter just scoffed, smiling warmly to her son. “Of course I’ll miss you, darling. I’ll always miss you.” After, she straightened, a playfully stern look coming across her face. “But listen to me, both of you. I do not want to get more owls from Minerva or Horace telling me that you’ve blown up another toilet or something of the sort.”

Sirius snorted. “That was in second year, Mum. We’re much past toilet humor now.”

Fleamont smiled widely at that. He was so glad Sirius was so comfortable around them, and much to his wife’s annoyance, the whole family knew he enjoyed the troublemaking. After a quick jab in the side from Euphemia, however, Fleamont cleared his throat. “Be good this year, boys,” he agreed, but there was still a slight smirk to his smile. 

James just grinned. “Always, Dad,” he agreed. “We’d better go get on the train, but we’ll see you soon.” After one last kiss from his mother and a hug from his father, James and Sirius both turned to get to the train. 

Getting close to the Express was a task unto itself with all the students around. Students and parents were rushing past, trying to get belongings stuffed into the train. Every other step, James had to shuffle to pass a family saying their goodbyes. He tried to put his head down and just get to the train, but it was difficult when he heard a familiar voice. One he had thought about often during the summer. 

“I’m not a police officer, Dad!” He heard her say, her deafening laugh following. “That’s an auror. I’m more like a...a hall monitor.” James glanced over, seeing the unmistakable red hair of one Lily Evans. Her back was turned to him, but he could see that she was talking with a short, red-headed man and a blonde woman that looked a lot like Lily in the face. 

He really didn’t know her that well. They had talked in passing, mostly about Remus since he was also friends with Lily. He wasn’t sure whether Lily knew about Remus’ furry little problem, but he knew that she worried about him when he was ill afterwards. Other than that, run-ins with Snape, and the...incident at the end of last year, he had to admit that he really didn’t know that much about her. They weren’t friends, but he still thought about her often. He felt...almost bad about what had happened, if only for her sake. While he thought that Snape would be a shit friend to have, he knew that Snape had been Lily’s first and best friend. He couldn’t imagine losing Sirius like that, so he felt back that she had lost her best friend like that. Perhaps he’d try to speak with her later. 

It was his own best friend’s voice that brought him back to reality. 

 “Mate, you okay?” 

James blinked, seeing Sirius smirking at him. Shaking his head slowly, James looked back towards the train, beginning to pull his luggage along again. “Fine,” he murmured. “Sorry.”

Sirius just grinned, but it was a wide grin that just told James that Sirius knew exactly what, or rather who, he had been staring at. “Mhm,” he murmured, raising an eyebrow before he quieted. “Why is it always Evans?” he asked curiously. “What is it about her?”

In return, James just sighed and gave a weak shrug. He wasn’t exactly sure what it was about Lily Evans. There was just something that drew him to her. Actually, it made him pretty stupid around her. Something made him just want to impress her all the time, and looking back on last year, it made him really dumb around her. Besides, last year was a touchy subject to her, he was sure of that. He felt like he was responsible in a way. 

“I dunno. I’ve just been thinking a lot after what happened last year. I feel like I need to…” Say something? No, that wasn’t right. It needed to be more than that. “Apologize, actually.”

“Right,” Sirius said after a moment, seemingly surprised by his friend’s words. “Well, maybe you can catch up with her later. We should get on the train and find Pete and Moony.”

James nodded, leading him into the train. The two walked down the cramped aisles, trying to slide past other students as everyone made it onboard. Finally, they came to their regular compartment, finding the other marauders already inside. 

Remus was, in all respects, James’ kindest friend. He went through so much every month, and yet, he cared so deeply for others. While others had their doubts about the mousy-haired boy with scars maring the whole of his face, James knew he had a big heart. People simply didn’t know him, and there were some things that were worth keeping as secrets. The Marauders would always keep Remus’ biggest secret for him. 

Peter, on the other hand, was a short boy with blond hair and pale blue eyes that usually looked like he was on the verge of tears. To the majority in school, he was an unlikely friend for the rest of the marauders. Although usually quiet, Peter had strokes of genius at times. He was brilliant at pranks when he wanted to be, simply because no one expected it to come from him. Sometimes, he said things that made the other boys double over and clutch their stomachs from their laughter. Though an unlikely friend, Peter was a good one. 

James grinned, opening the door to the compartment. “All right, you two?” Remus and Peter both looked up as his voice. Remus just gave him a warm smile as he and Sirius both came into the compartment to sit. Peter, on the other hand, looked rather excited to see his best friends, squirming slightly in his seat. “How’ve you two been? Have a nice holiday?” James asked. 

Remus nodded at that. “Not bad,” he agreed. “I’m afraid I’ve got to run, but I’ll be back soon.” 

James merely nodded, expecting Remus to be leaving for his Prefect meeting soon. None of the other boys ever doubted that Remus would land the job in their fifth year, and it came to no surprise when he arrived on the train with the badge pinned to his robes. Now, they just knew it as part of Remus’ routine and responsibilities. 

“See you, Moony,” Sirius said, giving him a nonchalant wave as he left the compartment. 

As the train lurched and started to leave the station, James just smiled to his friends before looking out the window. “Just like old times, yeah?” Perhaps they’d talk about the summer or what they thought this year might bring. They’d share some sweets when the candy trolley came by. As always, he was planning to buy his favorites, sugar quills. 

Finally, they’d get to Hogwarts, his true home away from home. He couldn’t wait to get back to staying in the dorms with his mates, playing Quidditch on the pitch, and learning new things in his N.E.W.T. level classes. 

“Maybe a bit more like old times than you want it to be,” James heard Peter reply nervously. Frowning, James turned around to look at whatever Peter was talking about. A familiar, albeit unwanted, figure was looming in doorways between the compartments. While James knew that Snape was a prefect, there was no reason for him to be waiting around unless...he was waiting for someone to come by. Really, there was only one explanation. Severus Snape was harassing Lily again, and he’d have to do something to stop it. 

[revcntulet]

❝ The more I read, the more I acquire, the more certain I am that I know nothing. ❞  SCORPIUS MALFOY looks a lot like that muggle, FROY GUTIERREZ, right? Only 20 years old, that SLYTHERIN alumnus works as a HEALING APPRENTICE and is sided with the ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. HE identifies as a CIS MAN and is a PUREBLOOD.

CHARACTER PARALLELS: Amy Santiago (B99), Claire Temple (Daredevil), Chidi Anagonye (The Good Place), Giles (Buffy TVS), Michelle Jones (Spiderman: Homecoming), Elizabeth Swan (PoTC), Spock (Star Trek), Clarke Griffin (The 100), Harley Keener (MCU), Gregory House (House) suggested honorable mention Gizmo (Gremlins)

Full Name: Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy Gender/Pronouns: Cis man | he/him Age: Twenty Birthdate: January 20th Parents: Draco Malfoy & Astoria Malfoy (née Greengrass) Siblings: N/A. Birth place: St. Mungo’s Hospital, England Height: 5’11” Weight: 56 kg Sexual/Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Bisexual Nationality: British Body Alterations/Marks: A ragged diamond shape scar at the base of his throat.

Blood Status: Pureblood Hogwarts House: Slytherin Wand Arm: Right Pet: A crested toad named Jarvis. Patronus: Arctic Fox Wand: 11 2/3 inches, Willow, Supple, Dragon Heartstring.

Willow is an uncommon wand wood with healing power, and I have noted that the ideal owner for a willow wand often has some (usually unwarranted) insecurity, however well they may try and hide it. While many confident customers insist on trying a willow wand (attracted by their handsome appearance and well-founded reputation for enabling advanced, non-verbal magic) my willow wands have consistently selected those of greatest potential, rather than those who feel they have little to learn. It has always been a proverb in my family that he who has furthest to travel will go fastest with willow.

Personality Traits: Brilliance, innovation, empathetic, individuality, openness, social consciousness, inventiveness, logical, practical skill and self assertion; lack of attachment to people and the “real world,” over-intellectualizing of the emotions, dismissiveness, anxious, crotchety tempered, facetiousness, rigidity, prone to self-isolation, intellectual arrogance, and stubbornness. Zodiac Sign: Aquarius/Capricorn Cusp Moral Alignment: Neutral Good Core values: Loyalty, Knowledge, Hope Four temperaments: Melancholic  

HOGWARTS HOUSE BREAKDOWN

Slytherin Primary and a Burned Ravenclaw Secondary.

Slytherin Primaries prioritize their own selves and loved ones first. Slytherins don’t feel guilty or selfish about this– they feel righteous and moral. The most important thing is to look after your own. Abandoning or hurting one of your own is the worst thing you can do.

A Burned Ravenclaw Secondary might want to be skilled, curious, and prepared, but they feel like they are (or like people think they are) limited, clumsy, or inconstant. Gathering knowledge, hobbies, skills, or tools is the right way to achieve their goals, but Burned Ravenclaws know that’s not going to work within their capabilities. So they take other paths and use other tools– maybe a Gryffindor’s bluntness, a Slytherin’s flexibility, or a Hufflepuff’s slow and steady dedication.

You may have a Hufflepuff Secondary Model.

Hufflepuff is the House of grit, reliability, and determination, and Hufflepuffs use those values to help live, act, and succeed. If you model Hufflepuff Secondary, you also value these things and like to live by them. You like to be hardworking, dedicated, and consistent– but you wouldn’t feel guilty for abandoning those values in the service of other, higher priorities. If there’s another, easier way to get what you want– you’d take it. You think hard work provides valuable rewards– and those rewards are why you work. The work doesn’t have persuasive value in itself.

9. The Expositor will have to destroy the one who they love. There is no other way. It cannot be avoided. Their fate – possibly even the entire world’s fate – depends on it.

39. You are in the Order, and as a spell inventor, you played a key role in helping the Knights mutate the Patronus Charm to create daemons. Because of this, you have a daemon of your own, and you have been experimenting with the limitations of the magic, trying to figure out if there are any ways to improve them.

Code Name Revontulet, which literally translates to “fox fire.” Legend says that an arctic fox dashed across the tundra swiping snow up into the sky, while others claim his bushy tail caused sparks when brushing the peaks of tall mountains to create the Aurora Borealis.

Despite his very best resistance he’s always been pretty empathetic in nature, he tries to rule his emotions as well as he can but fails more often than not. He was always one of those toddlers that if another kid started crying he’d be right along with them, not because he wanted attention but because he just couldn’t not. A bit of a crybaby, honestly, has researched how to magically seal up his tear ducts. Obviously managed to keep the family’s flair for the dramatic there as well.

Just managed to scrape through his schooling with nearly all top grades, this isn’t due to him being an excellent student. He has always accrued information with a voracious appetite. Any knowledge he could find, even if most people would consider it entirely useless. His mind clicks into that place? You can’t keep him away. However, when there is not an immediate stir of interest on his approach to a topic he has to fight with himself tooth and nail to carry on. Predictably found exam season highly stressful, was never open about it but was quietly competitive and silently smug over his good grades. Could comprehend well above his reading level from an early age and would often look into experimental research and complicated magic but found himself lost in OWL level History of Magic when chapter upon chapter lay ahead of him about something that didn’t catch his interest.

Tends toward introversion and finds himself tired sometimes quite easily by a large amount of social interaction. Witty and big-mouthed when he feels comfortable or is in the presence of those that embolden him and very likely to get flustered and snap at people when things are becoming a bit too much. Especially if he feels however unjustly that someone is blocking his escape. Has matured slightly in this since leaving school but it happens still, he’s just anxious. Quite fickle and can at the drop of a hat decide that he’s done with you for the day once his Give Me Attention Meter is maxed. Could be an absolute bloody brat when he felt like it but feels he has grown out of it, which he mostly has.

Always been very, very aware of many people’s distrust of him and his family, he used to sneer and play it up if anyone tried to bring up his dad and go on the offensive but was genuinely affected quite deeply by it all. In his early school years, despite his weakness to the cold, he constantly had his sleeves rolled up to the elbow so that his blank forearm was bared as a statement to just about everyone. I am not marked, I never will be. Now he’s older he has more of a handle on things and can be diplomatic in situations where people are clearly discomforted by his presence and his family history.

Scorpius was in his seventh and final year when the Knights were first created and he spent a lot of his time patching people up and teaching simple healing here and there, wherever he could. It was a natural transition to become part of The Order once he graduated, he still kept in contact with members of the Knights but while he had no way to access the grounds at all it seemed ridiculous that he be privy to everything, especially as sharing such information could have been intercepted by the opposing side. He was absolutely horrified by Harry’s resurrection and his stomach rolls every time he even thinks about it.

Never produced much of a talent for offensive magic and wouldn’t resort to those methods unless he had literally no other choice, not a front line fighter by any means. His talents with strategy, healing and his perseverance with defensive magic meant that he was an ideal candidate, in his head, to have the singular daemon amongst the Order and to test all of their hard work. Then the prophecy was slowly unravelled, silver spool of damning words in a pile at his feet.

Is in a strange place in that he can’t simply stop loving people he’s always loved whilst working simultaneously to strangle any potential for more people to be added to the list as frantically as he can. Tends to just try and put the prophecy out of his mind otherwise he stares at Cleo for too long and his hands start to shake.

Very nearly lost his apprenticeship due to his intensity over developing and refining the magic of the patronus charm. It was an all-consuming obsession, he went so far into the zone that he was a bit of a liability for a while there. He would turn up at any hour to other Order members for their opinions on an obscure theory, an element of the magic, the importance of ritual and their thoughts on his experiments with dementors. Alot of people were like you’re a bit young to be doing this aren’t you love? And he was like I’m not going to tell you to fuck off, just explain that I will not let this go and if you exclude me I will continue working on it alone.

[ DEATH TW ] Although this can be said for anyone possessing a daemon, he is protective of Cleo to the point of neurosis, the magic was experimental at the time of her manifestation and he felt every single layer of his soul flayed away and the creation of atoms from a matter that he still doesn’t quite understand. Only that it came from him. They have managed to limit the bitter, burnt iron taste that lingered at the back of his sinuses for two weeks, the numbness of his fingers and toes and the burst blood vessels in his eyes on other subjects. Oh and the part where he stopped breathing for nearly an entire minute. By the time he performed it successfully he wasn’t sure he wanted anyone else to ever experience it, the spell basically consumed his life for several years and when the research was finally over he was stood there blinking owlishly with no real concept of where the last couple of years had gone.

Always had somewhat fragile health tending toward sickly. Hands are never warm. Bruises like a peach and scars so easily.

Views quidditch as a good fly spoiled.  

Is a very skilled pianist.

Has a fabric sling that he wears across his torso that Cleo is often curled up in. Looks like a single dad at Order meetings, toad on his shoulder.

While very eloquent and well spoken, he is markedly less posh than when he first arrived at Hogwarts.

When he isn’t prone to bouts of insomnia he can take a nap pretty much anywhere. He was once found in a tree after several frantic hours search.

the stillness of the world the moment you take the first step into fresh snow, cashmere and fine wool, the pearlescence of dreamless sleep draught, the scratch of a quill on parchment, faintly tremoring fingers, a shiver up your spine in a warm room, the exhilaration of a problem solved, a thunderous grey overcast sky, the bite of a stitching charm, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, petrichor, the burn in your eyes before a well of tears.

[themilky-way]

Different Colors {p.p}

gif credit: mentioned above!

pairing: peter parker x stark!reader

summary: you and peter develop a friendship as you help each other cope with the aftermath of Endgame. 

warnings: some angst?? and there are some minor hints of depression and I am not trying to romanticize it so please, if you notice some errors and mistakes w how I wrote it, let me know so I can fix! and this contains some endgame spoilers so if you haven't seen it, I recommend you don’t read this and skip it! this doesn’t contain ffh spoilers so no need to worry!

author’s note: this is more platonic than romantic so I wanted to try out something new! also I'm in my peter parker feels bc this hoe watched far from home so request some peter stuff folks. additionally, does the “keep reading” thing work for ya’ll? its being a b to me on my laptop but it works on my phone so lemme know

----------

 life after the final war was difficult. smiling and pushing forward was hard enough on its own. you felt numb and weak, despite putting on a mask of strength for your family and everyone around you. your father, one of the most important figures in your life and in the entire universe, had left. bright images adorned every street you walked through, framed family portraits roamed every corridor in your home, your supposed safe haven. 

you tried your very best to keep going, to put in your mind the fact that tony stark died heroically and to save the universe. at the start of every new day, you told yourself these exact words so you would move on. but, nonetheless, you simply couldn’t. it was at these points in your life where you envied your sister’s youth. morgan was too young to fully comprehend the death of her father and, thus, didn’t grieve as deeply as the others did. 

you eventually started disappearing to the rest of the avenger’s, who were now dispersed mentally amongst themselves, but still lived at the headquarters. your visits would be less frequent and when you did go, it was only to deliver some personal drawings morgan would make of them in school. sometimes, if the group was lucky, you would actually come inside for a quick chat.

back home wasn't any different either. pepper would notice the full plates of food in the fridge you refused to eat, using the lame excuse of “I’m just not hungry tonight.” your bedroom lights were now always off and replaced with a candle you lit 24/7 next to a picture of tony. the house was quiet. everything that had to do with your persona was now excruciatingly quiet. 

worried for her daughter’s wellbeing, pepper found herself dialing a number she never would have called. her shaking, skinny fingers pressed each digit on the phone screen and finally hit the call button. she pressed it against her ear and prayed, on everything that has ever been sacred, that the child on the other end would pick up. and when they finally did, their voice audibly breaking as yours now always did, things began to change.

you, the daughter of a famous billionaire and hero to the universe, met peter parker a month after tony’s funeral. you opened the door to your dim-lighted room to come face to face with your mom, a young boy who looked about your age, and your sister, morgan.

pepper’s eyes looked red from crying and so did the boy’s, whilst morgan’s were confused and worrisome. your eyes, however, were tired and dark circles now adorned your once soft features. you were scared that something had happened, senses toppling with one another as you tried to register any other dangers to your family. 

“mom, what’s going on? are you alright, did anything happen? mo, are you sick?” your voice was hoarse and came out in strangled vowels as your eyes questioned everyone there. 

“we’re doing alright, bub, no need to worry. is it alright if we come in to talk to you?” pepper asked. you agreed, and stepped aside so everyone could pass through. 

as everyone made their way into your room, you sat down crisscross on one side as pepper and morgan sat in front of you. the boy, unlike your mother and sister, stood awkwardly at the end of your bed. 

“(y/n), this is peter parker, the one with the stark internship. peter, you can come closer if you’d like,” pepper said as she motioned to peter. the boy obliged, inching a few steps forward with his hands in the pockets of his black jeans. 

“um, hey peter, I guess?” your hands fiddled with each other in your lap as you said so, but you managed to look up at peter, who in turn looked away in a shy manner. flicking your eyes back to pepper’s, before asking her what this was all about. 

“well, honey, ever since your father passed away, you’ve been distant and I understand we’re all still coping with it. but I-we-have noticed that you’re isolating yourself and have completely lost communication with us.” your mom’s hands reached over to cover yours, which were nervously shaking. “(y/n), we all miss him. we all loved him. but if we don’t let the pain from our past go, we can’t heal.”

amidst your mom’s speech, you couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment where you had let your emotions get the best of you. you felt the salty taste of your tears run down your lips and neck as you made no effort in wiping them away. you needed to get it out. 

that’s when peter and morgan handed you a tissue and you looked up to see their outstretched hands holding the thin material towards you. you took the tissue from both of them, using one to wipe your eyes and the other to blow your nose. peter, who was still in an awkward position, stepped in. 

“it’s y/n), right?” he paused as you gave him a nod. “I know we don’t know each other at all but your mom asked me to come check on you. I agreed because I figured we both lost a father, and we could help each other as best we could.”

“my dad talked about you a lot. after the snap, he would always dedicate his evenings to finding out a solution. he really did love you as a son. morgan and I just never got a chance to meet you,” you recited. peter was listening intently as you spoke with his arms crossed over his chest, eyes beginning to fill with tears at your words. 

pepper was quiet amongst your first interaction with peter. this is what she wanted. she wanted to know what and how you felt, your thoughts that have been running through your head since her husband’s sacrifice. and she knew she didn't make a mistake when you began to open up. 

pepper motioned to morgan to give you and peter some time to talk and morgan happily obeyed her mom. they both got up from the bed which caused you to face them with a confused expression. 

your mother acknowledged your confusion and spoke with a calm and quiet tone, “we’re gonna let you guys talk for a while, is that okay, honey? peter?”

“I-uh-um yeah that's fine, mom,” you said. you shifted to face peter to find an answer and for a few seconds his gaze switched between you and pepper. “yeah that's totally fine. there’s things that I need to get out of my chest, too.”

your mom smiled lightly and took Morgan’s tiny hand in her own as she walked out of the room. before closing the door completely, morgan’s free hand raised to give you a small wave and you returned it, a genuine smile crossing your features for the first time in a while. the door shut, the light that was once in your room leaving alongside the two people you loved. 

you leaned over to turn the lamp on your nightstand on, the light momentarily blinding you because you had become used to a darker ambient. both you and peter had a chance to appropriately greet each other and offered him the chair from your desk.

afterwards, you both sat across from each other and simply talked. it was a conversation that neither of you expected to be comforting, but it was. feelings and emotions escaped out of you and you swore that you felt your heart began to stitch itself back together. 

and that’s how it was from that point on. you and peter began to hang out a couple times per week; helping him out with a spider-man problem or even as simple as solving a physics equation was enough to bring you both back to the joy of being in the real world. he, in turn, organized days where you, peter, and morgan would play UNO card sessions while pepper and aunt may chatted. 

with your mom, you began to tell her how you felt and everything that had been locked up within you was shared. because of that, you and pepper grew closer as a mother and daughter.

it was a genuine friendship that was formed by the most devastating circumstances. the avengers, you and your family, and peter were finally able to see the world in different colors.