#despite dean not being entirely aware that sam does (or choosing to ignore that sam does for the sake of said facade)

[aliusfrater]

[ficforthought]

On being SO DONE with M*sha, a rant a decade in the making!

After giving this some thought I'm going to go ahead and give my opinion on Misha and yesterday’s situation in public for the first time ever. I was going to just post on Twitter but since this has been 12 years in the making I have exceeded the number of tweets I can put in one thread! There’s A LOT in here, so my summary is also long. I'm aware that I will lose followers over this, I'm not looking to offend anyone but it will inevitably happen. I wish anyone leaving all the best as fellow human beings.

TL;DR - having kept quiet for so long I’ve finally reached my limit and it’s all come bubbling out. I’ve never been a fan of Misha, I’ve been ambivalent for the most part, but have never criticised him in any hateful way, that's not who I am, but after all these years of putting up with his bullshit, attention seeking and troublemaking I am DONE. Deleting his tweet containing the word Wincest and replacing it with an APOLOGY just to pander to his Minions and save face is the straw that broke the camel's back. He has consistently pushed his ship on not only fans but on other actors (despite Jensen's discomfort, and him having repeatedly made his feelings known on it), he has stood by while his Minions/Hellers have harassed, victimised, doxxed and sent death threats to people based on their FICTIONAL ships. He has pandered to their gatekeeping, constantly demanded attention in obvious and not so obvious ways, and to the best of my knowledge never criticised their actions even though he's aware of it in a very real way. Some of his Minions have now taken their shit into The Boys fandom and created negativity for Jensen before the guy has even got a foot through the set door, and how is that supporting one half of your ship?

Misha has claimed to be a victim of targeted harassment from Wincest/brother fans (not only shippers) yet his fans have said and done the most despicable things on his watch, all in the name of what he must think is entertainment, or even his idea of a ‘joke’.

Any respect I had for the man based on his humanitarian work has gone because I can only take so much hypocrisy. He and his pandering because of a desperate attempt to be woke and wholly inclusive (which is actually impossible, no matter how good intentions are) are beyond pathetic. Whilst I have never seen why people think he’s so great I have friends IRL and online who genuinely adore the man, yet they have been shocked and upset by his contempt for half of the fandom that made him somewhat famous. It's disgusting and I'm not scrolling by any more. Misha, I hope to never see you on anything J2 related in future because none of us need that kind of negativity, *especially* not J2. Be gone, foul fiend!

OK, so to the too long part. Please be aware that these are my opinions as a fan of the show, of Sam and Dean, and J2, not only as a shipper. I can separate canon and fanon, and can view canon from a gen or shippy PoV. Whether you agree or disagree with my opinion let me be clear that I do not condone constant bashing and hate of a person or character so this isn’t the start of a regular thing for me. It's possible to have an opinion and not show the same vitriol that has been following this man around for years, and that’s what I’m doing. I've not posted this to prompt more negativity, it's simply to get it off my chest and make it clear how I feel. I stand by my philosophy of ship who you want to ship, enjoy it, but don't force it on other people and don't be a dick about it…hmm, that kinda sounds like familiar behaviour, though, does it not?!

I have ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUE with other people liking Misha, Cas or Destiel when it’s for the love of the characters and the ship. What I *do* have an issue with is people who are the true definition of a Heller. I don’t see that as a generic term, don't be ignorant and think I do because I know the difference between actual ship fans and the crazies, both ships have ‘em and I want no part of either of their venom. If you are reading this and class yourself as a Heller then you are part of the problem so run along and as you are all so fond of saying, 'get help' and take your bestie king with you.

I’m stating my opinion in what I feel is the most mature way I can, because unlike many people on SM, I am an adult and can act accordingly, with forethought and without resorting to temper tantrums and bullying of other people to get my point across. I am able to tell the difference between reality and fiction, I don't tar everyone with the same shipper brush and I don't expect everyone to agree with my opinion, but as we know opinions are like arseholes, we all have them and sometimes they stink. Unlike some, for the most part in life (online and offline) I *do* stand by what I say and don’t backtrack or delete things to appease the masses. I have spent a lot of time writing this out to be as clear as possible without being intentionally hateful. Bear with me jumping between actor and character where relevant, at this point they're conjoined. I will say this before I go any further, it doesn’t end well for Misha, I don’t mince my words and if you don’t like seeing facts and opinions laid out, this isn't the post for you.

I’ll say right off the bat what most of you have surmised - I’ve never held Misha (or Cas) in high esteem but I have never *hated* on him. I have shared mild criticism of his actions and opinions on Cas over the years but never, I feel, in any way that has made me feel I have something to apologise for. I have said several times I've been unhappy about Misha crashing con panels, taking attention away from J2 when at those cons *most* people paid their hard earned money to see the STARS of the show they love, first and foremost, and anyone else is a very nice bonus. The odd appearance here and there crashing a panel is fine (and Misha isn’t the first or last person to do it), maybe take up a few minutes then leave, but when someone commandeers an entire panel, that's just not on. It's not only selfish, rude and attention seeking but also disrespectful to other actors, fans and to the organisers who work hard to make sure everything ties in to give us the best con experience we can have. Everyone gets their turn on stage, there's no need to try and hog any more of the limelight, Veruca Salt style. Oh, and if you’re reading this and not getting that reference, (a) you shouldn’t be on my blog because you’re far too young, (b) look it up, and if you still don’t get what I’m saying… well then please refer to point (a). Thank you, kindly!

There was a time in Kripke's era where Cas was - I feel - intentionally used as a pawn by the writers to divert *canon* from the ‘questionable’ relationship between Sam and Dean, i.e. Wincest focus. Prior to that people (other fans) lightened up and just accepted the fact that Wincest had been there since day one in terms of the writing of the show and the fandom. All the cast and crew knew - J2, Kripke and JDM in particular - and made light of it, never judging, never shaming and often encouraging it because they understand it’s a fun part of fandom. Wincest was present enough to be part of the not so subtle subtext, as I said people just accepted it. Kink tomato was alive and well, so was ‘don’t like, don’t read’ and we all just scrolled over things we didn’t like without turning everything into a personal vendetta and excuse for bullying others who didn’t share our views. When the angels came into the plot I think most of us Wincest fans gave the Dean/Cas innuendos the small laugh they deserved and then turned back to the focus of the show which was the brothers, as it had always been intended. Misha, however, milked those moments as much as possible which was amusing at the start but got old *very* quickly, not just for fans (shippers and non shippers alike), but for other actors, in particular Jensen who is on record MULTIPLE times showing his dislike for Destiel. He told people outright that's not how he was playing the relationship between the two characters and CATEGORICALLY said "Destiel doesn't exist" but did it end there? No, it did not because neither fans or Misha let it go, in fact Misha only pushed more, goaded fans into flogging the same dead horse as much as possible. He’s never stopped, not even when there was so much discord in the fandom, a huge wedge was driven into it because of ships, which IMO he heavily contributed to.

Fast forward to over a decade later (a decade, seriously man, let it fucking go!) he didn’t even stop when Destiel did partially go canon. I have never doubted that Cas loved Dean (Sam, too) because in SPN lore angels are made to love, even rebellious ones. I, along with many others, liked that about Cas because who doesn't love a rebel, especially one rebelling for very good reasons, and because of those two wonderful men? Sam and Dean allowed him to see beyond what he'd been brainwashed to believe his entire existence. The fact is that although the nature of that love changed for Cas, it never did for Dean and was CANONICALLY UNREQUITED because Dean was incapable of loving anyone else as much as he loved Sam. All that mattered to Dean, even when he saw other characters as "family" was still Sam…ALWAYS Sam, every step of the way. Again for those who have too much Misha shaped wax in their ears, that’s canon. Whether people choose to see that love platonically or romantically is up to them, soulmates don't always have to be romantic, either way, brotherly love won out above all else on the show. No amount of Misha screaming ‘hey look, Destiel!’ changed that, but it sure didn’t stop him trying, did it?

So now that the obvious has been stated, here's something else we all know - never once in all of the years on the show did Misha drop rallying of the troops to his precious, ego stroking ship. Never once (that I am aware of) has he called out his Minions and Hellers on their continued harassment of everyone involved in the show and other fans despite the fact that they have bullied, victimised and wished bodily harm, rape and death on people who don't see their ship and because didn't get the ending to the story that they wanted. Not once has Misha shown any remorse for the trauma his "fans" have caused, and I’m taking REAL trauma, here, not the kind Twitter stans see as ‘triggering’ - people have been driven to close SM accounts, attempted, and in some cases succeeded in taking their own lives. These Minions have openly mocked Jared’s struggles with depression and anxiety, and Misha - who claims to be friends with J2 and be supportive of them in every way  - has stood by and let it all play out, knowing full well some of the goings on, if not the full extent of how toxic these people are. We know he sees things being said online, and I have absolutely no doubt he spends time online searching his name for things that are relevant in some way to him in an effort to insert himself into a current conversation, or even start one so that attention is on him. Gotta stay relevant, somehow, right, Mish?

He has actively encouraged bullying by his actions of enabling the behaviours above, both by the flogging of the aforementioned dead horse, AND by not objecting to unacceptable behaviours. Remember when Minions and Hellers were slating J2, particularly Jared, for not posting on SM about BLM and other topics? Yeah, he didn’t ask them to stop doing that, either, even when he was tagged in things along the lines of ‘If Misha can post why can’t J2?’ etc. There have been some token protests, con vids I've seen have show his 'objections' which IMO have been done in a very tongue in cheek way, meaning that those people who needed to be pulled aside and told to change their ways just carried on, because their evil overlord didn’t explicitly explain it in terms a three year old could understand that bullying and forcing your opinion on others is WRONG. Not all of his cult are young and impressionable, not by a long shot, but many of the more vocal and vitriolic ones are.

As a father himself I wonder what Misha would do if he found out that his kids were behaving in ways his Minions are? I’m aware they’re young, but kids are cruel and bullying doesn’t just happen online. Even at whatever age they are, would he laugh it off the way he appears to have done with all of this fandom toxicity? Not bloody likely! I wonder if he’s as desperate to gain the approval of his family, friends and colleagues as he appears to be for that of his Minions/Hellers? I would certainly hope so, but that question can only be answered by Misha, himself, and I can and will not presume to speak on someone else's behalf on things in their personal life. For the record I would never presume I know what J2's answers would be on anything, however I do feel that after 15 years I have an accurate gauge on what kind of people they are so would be confident that any opinion I had on a matter aligns with their morals and ethics. As much as J2 have shared of themselves with us - willingly and under no pressure to do so, I might add - we don't *know* them, but we know enough to have an informed opinion. I can’t say the same for Misha because based on the behaviour he’s repeatedly displayed, things I've heard about from other fans as well as people I know IRL who have had direct dealings with him through cons or GISH (including some very actively in the early days when it was GISHWHES) he just hasn’t seemed like a person I wanted to follow on SM. I’ve never watched any of his solo panels, though I have watched ones with both or one of the J's, mostly being left irritated because of his behaviour. Watching the J’s put up with that shit is painful, and it’s a testament to how good they are as actors that they managed to hide at least some of their disdain for as long as they did. Microexpressions give them away, particularly Jensen, and they certainly have faces I have spent many years watching closely. Beautiful faces to go with beautiful souls, both of them! <3

I have precisely ZERO interest in Destiel as a ship, very little interest in Cas as a character anymore (though I did like him in the early days,and his relationship with Jack in late seasons) so I have absolutely no reason or desire to follow anything Misha does. That said, I've obviously been peripherally aware of some things he's been involved in because of friends, from things I’ve seen on SM and general fandom stuff. Despite the things I've already mentioned about his behaviour, up until now I have been able to maintain a level of respect for him as a person because of the humanitarian and charity work he's done. He seems like someone who really does want to change the world for the better and I am in full support of that fact, so much so that I have supported TWO campaigns relating to him. I bought one of the Super Good t-shirts for the campaign he did with Michael Sheen (a true angel!), the SPN/Good Omens x-over to help homeless charities, and I chose the design with text only and not artwork of Michael and Misha on, basically because I didn’t want to be wearing something with Misha’s face on it and I make absolutely no apology for that, whatsoever. I also bought Alex's #TheEndHasNoEnd shirt, which some of the profits went to Random Acts who do great work, so again, despite not liking Misha I still willingly contributed for a cause bigger than me, and to support Alex, who I absolutely ADORE. I'm aware that Stands aren't popular with some of the fandom, however since most of the cast of SPN are happily affiliated with them then I don't feel it's my place to either judge, or to discuss topics I know next to nothing about. But I digress, as a decent human being I have shown support tangentially to a man who I don't care for out of respect for the work he does outside the fandom. Telling you this isn’t to paint myself in a good light - I don’t need your approval, I’m a big girl, unlike some I don’t need constant validation! - only to provide background on how I’ve actively *not* hated on Misha.

Now though, any respect I had for him has come to an abrupt end, the events of the past 24 hours has seen to that. Whilst I have been annoyed at his behaviour in regards to shipping, I don't feel it's ever gone this far, or at least not that I've seen first hand. This man has, IMO, contributed to so much toxicity in the fandom by way of things I've mentioned before, he's claimed - without actually saying the words - that Wincest fans weren't interested in him as a character when he came onto the show, and hasn’t felt included because of the fans’ love of the brothers. Um, hate to break it to you, love, but when you come onto an established show that is about two people, and you’re a *guest star* you can’t expect everyone to love you. Some characters we as individuals do fall in love with straight away (Bobby, Charlie, Crowley and Rowena are good examples for me), it takes time to establish a dynamic, so if that’s how he felt then it was incredibly naive of him as an actor to expect instant acceptance from anyone. Also, why wait until after the show finished to bring it up AGAIN … oh wait, yeah, that would be to step back into the limelight in a way intended to garner sympathy from Minions and INTENTIONALLY piss off bro fans and Wincest shippers alike? How fucking self centred, desperate and disrespectful do you have to be to shit all over the finale of a show that for the most part accepted you and kept you in paid work for 12 years? Well, Misha Collins levels of all of those things, obviously.  

So, on the topics of self centred, desperate to stay relevant, attention seeking and being oh so needy, the tweet yesterday from Amazon mentioned Castiel. He wasn’t tagged in it, so I refer to my earlier comment about searching online, because how else would he have possibly seen that? It’s possible someone sent it to him, I appreciate that, but if we go off past behaviour it’s not any stretch at all to believe that didn’t happen. So, once again, having seen the tweet he took it upon himself to - oh so predictably - turn it into something relating to Destiel. When I saw it I immediately rolled my eyes and thought ‘here we go again’, but then also had a little smile because I really liked the fact that he explicitly mentioned Wincest, therefore seeming to accept that his poor old dead horse wasn’t the only one in the race. I actually mentally tipped my hat to him then because it appeared that he’s matured enough to acknowledge by name the ship that predates his inclusion on the show. Great, I thought, this is a positive thing in a sea of negativity surrounding the man and his sunken ship, because what followed was Wincest trending in the US (it may also have been other countries as well but I had to sleep!) … largely due to the fact that Hellers were responding to it, calling him out on mentioning the dreaded ‘W’ word. I’ll repeat that because it’s been a rare occurrence up to that point… the Minions were actually disappointed with their overlord for mentioning another ship. We all know what they think of it and I for one, don’t give a flying fuck about their opionion. Ship and let ship, it’s all fun (or meant to be) so we have different tastes, that’s life kiddiwinks, deal with it. I mean, you really don’t have much of an example set for you when your king has proven several times over to be one of the biggest obnoxious brats out there, but just give it a try for your own sakes, yeah? Awesome, good on you, besties!

An unexpected development - to my joy and that of other Wincest shippers - them doing that got the topic trending, only *kept* trending by the fact that were all coming online asking why it was trending. Wincest shippers barely lifted a finger, we just flooded each other’s timelines with lovely content and basked in the Hellers - and Misha - shooting themselves in the foot, which was awesome. But did the vitriol stop? No. Did he get the attention he so clearly craves? Yes. Was it in the way he wanted? Fuck no, so poor, emotionally wounded baby backtracked after seeing that his name was trending alongside Wincest because that’s *so* not what someone narcissistic to do it in the first place, wanted.

Now here’s where I could easily have just moved on with an unusually fond chuckle, giving him an ironic pat on the back and a ‘thanks, Misha’ for being the one to instigate hours of fun, but once again his despicable behaviour made that impossible. It’s been more than obvious for many years that he cares more about what his fans think than anything else to do with the show and the fandom in a larger sense, but to delete the tweet and APOLOGISE for daring to be so insensitive to the snowflakes’ delicate sensibilities for mentioning Wincest in the first place was absolutely disgusting. Stating , “I used a term that I had never really given any thought to other than, "that's a thing?! Yuck." is not only complete and utter bullshit, it’s pandering of the highest order.  

We all know he has referred to Wincest on multiple occasions, so to say he hadn’t thought about is a flat out lie, which IMO is an insult to everyone, not just Wincest shippers. Does the man have no self respect at all, why would you contradict yourself in the face of such overwhelming evidence? Instead of either ignoring all the people calling him out, or addressing it with another tweet saying ‘yeah, that happened’ or something similar he chose, I repeat, CHOSE the route of claiming he didn’t realise he was being offensive to people who felt ‘triggered’ by him using the word Wincest. He basically shat all over an entire ship and large sector of the fandom in an attempt to appease his own fan base which consists of a lot of children (or those that act like children) who have no idea what RL is like.

Once again, he’s reinforced the idea that if you shout loud enough at someone just because you don’t like something they said, they will back down and apologise for something even when there’s nothing to apologise for. If he wants to be such a role model then he could easily have pointed out that a fictional ship doesn’t condone RL incest, any ACTUAL trauma people have suffered because of RL situations, and made an effort to make sure people understand that. He COULD have used it as an opportunity to do some good in the fandom by encouraging people to build bridges, to accept that people are entitled to their beliefs and that sometimes we see things differently but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t treat others with BASIC HUMAN DECENCY because of it. Instead he YET AGAIN chose to show that he cares more about what Minions think of him, keeping them onside to constantly stroke his unbelievably fragile ego in everything he does.

It is my understanding that Misha is big on (or claims to be big on) putting positive energy out into the world, treating people with respect, helping others and accepting people for who they are, not who you want them to be… all this after YEARS of consistently practising what he preaches only when it suits him. He sends out a message that it’s perfectly OK to bully, to spread hate, to draw attention to yourself at the cost of others, to throw colleagues and friends under the bus and at the same time use them to further your own agenda and get hits for your YouTube channel. Is this really the legacy he wants to leave? Is this an environment he wants his own kids to grow up in as well as future generations? Is this what he thinks is a valuable contribution as a human being? JFC, the arrogance, hypocrisy and the need for constant validation this man exhibits is nothing short of cringeworthy… actually it’s beyond that. It’s deplorable behaviour, it’s not new, and he will continue to act like this for as long as he’s being enabled and this harmful cycle needs to end.

I have friends IRL and online who are (now, possibly, were) big Misha fans, who have supported him from either the beginning of his run on the show, or since they started watching, and this is how he repays this behaviour? He’s willfully alienating decent people (including multishippers) all to make himself look good by being seen to do everything he can not to offend people. Spoiler alert, you DID offend people, you continue to do so time and again and we’ve had enough. I can’t imagine how exhausting it must be to be such a perpetual people pleaser, but let me say it’s not doing you any favours in any way, shape or form.

Misha, you are *not* a role model, you’re *not* someone to look up to when you can't live up to the ideals you preach. You’re spitting in the face of people who have supported you even after some questionable things in the past, who gave you the benefit of the doubt because we’re all human and we all make mistakes. The key to growing as a person is not to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, understanding *why* what you said and/or did was a mistake and making a concerted effort to make changes. I don’t ever see you doing that, you will continue down this path of only caring about Minions under the guise of caring for people in general. You are transparent, you are sad and despite the fact I’ve never particularly liked you, I didn’t speak up because I didn’t want to get involved in the drama. Well now I have spoken up and I’m saying you’re a disgrace, you have no respect for other people and nobody is fooled anymore. If it hadn’t been this tweet it would have been something else, but I for one am glad it happened so soon after the show ended so we can finally be rid of the limpet-like behaviour. It’s over, let it go for the sake of what dignity you might have left, for the sake of your family and friends and for the sake of anyone who isn’t capable of seeing through your ‘it’s a joke’ mentality.

You have been weighed, you have been measured and you have been found wanting. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Misha.

For anyone who made it to the end of my ramble, thank you. This has been a cathartic exercise and I’m drawing a line under it now, I don’t think I could possibly make my thoughts any clearer. I urge you not to get caught up in any petty squabbles with his Minions, let’s celebrate J2 and other cast and crew members who have shown us all respect and who I am proud to call part of the SPN family. There’s always one member of the family who needs to be frozen out for the good of everyone else.

[deans-haunted-baby]

The Ones Left Behind

Alrighty time for some truth bombs. I’ve had almost a week to absorb the end of Supernatural and season 15 as a whole. And I think this is the moment where I need to throw in my two cents. For all intents and purposes I won’t go in-depth into 15x20 seeing as that conversation will just open up a whole other can of worms and I don’t need that headache. I have my reasons for being less than indifferent with how the Winchesters’ story concluded. So I won’t go there.

Instead I’ll be focusing all my energies on the unsatisfying conclusions of 4 particular characters. Two of which were main cast members (one that was on the show 12 years and one 4 years) while the other two (played by the same dude) were brought back after a decade long hiatus for a much-anticipated comeback only to be wasted and mangled unfairly by Dabb and his hack horde of a writing staff. Call this a follow up to my last post. If I sound bitter I am because these people don’t have a single clue on how to helm these characters, their relationships or their storylines 😠 Nor do they deserve them.

And yes I’m well aware of Kevin Tran, Rowena, Ketch and several others who got the shaft on this show. Those could be future posts for another time.

But I cannot stress this enough; ADAM MILLIGAN, JACK KLINE, MICHAEL AND CASTIEL ALL DESERVED FUCKING BETTER. There is no arguing these facts, none whatsoever. Not one of these characters deserved that exit to be the final chapter in their story. I won’t do an entire analysis of each character’s arc and role in the show as I’ve already done that in my rant about 15x19. But I will highlight how much season 15 royally screwed over these characters and tossed them aside like trash; as if none of them were ever part of/contributed anything to Sam and Dean’s history/world building of Supernatural’s universe.

*WARNING* This is going to get heated.

Before I dive into the heart of these issues I want to state this is not a “shipping post”. I don’t ship anyone on Supernatural, hopefully this blog has been pretty self-explanatory. So I have no arguments/opinions in those areas. I’ve been a fan of this series for 15 years because of the characters, the familial bonds and relationships formed between characters throughout its run. And I’m well-aware that the Winchesters are the lead protagonists of the show, no need to remind me. These are purely my own thoughts based what I’ve obtained from show canon. Let me just say I can’t get over just how much these writers contradicted and ignored what they put forth in the journeys of these four individuals. its a real headscratcher.

You mean to tell me that after TWELVE DAMN YEARS of Castiel being a rebellious warrior angel, searching for his own identity and meaning in life; making that promise to Kelly Kline about raising Jack as his own/risking his life for him. After sacrificing himself for his son a year ago, acknowledging he was satisfied with his role as a father which restored his faith; that it was all because of/for Dean Winchester? 

You mean to tell me that after Michael, THE PRINCE OF HEAVEN and PROTECTOR OF HUMANITY, was locked away in a cage with a human whom he emotionally bonded with for thousands of years (10 years our time); who was abandoned, betrayed and manipulated by his neglectful/abusive father. After choosing free will and aligning himself with TFW for humanity’s sake, just sided with the Earth’s destruction because his little brother called him names? 

You mean to tell me that Jack, A THREE YEAR OLD CHILD, who’s barely just beginning his life and spent his entire duration on the show wanting to be normal and not wanting to be special. Connecting and being integrated with humans; a child who’s biggest fear was outliving everyone he ever loved. Is suddenly ready to walk away from his family, his home and his teddy bear; to give up being a kid forever and run the universe?

You mean to tell me that Adam, SUPERNATURAL’S MOST INNOCENT CHARACTER and FORGOTTEN THIRD-WINCHESTER BROTHER, after being eaten by ghouls; pulled away from his mother out of Heaven, manipulated by angels, trapped in Hell for thousands of years because Sam and Dean left him there to rot. After coming back and helping his neglectful siblings save the world only to be ripped away from his best friend and THE ONLY OTHER PERSON who gave a damn about him; is sentenced to a life of loneliness, homelessness and turmoil until he dies and ends up in Hell where he’ll mostly be tortured and turned into a demon?

NO. I DO NOT AND WILL NEVER ACCEPT THIS BULLSHIT! 

Season 15 not only manages to contradict itself where these characters are concerned (while assassinating them before the final curtain). But the writers deliberately discarded them before giving us that *sarcasm inserted* epic solo-Winchester conclusion. Regardless of how you feel about Adam, Castiel, Jack or Michael, ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS are connected Sam and Dean’s story and part of Supernatural. And when you throw them away like they mean nothing, you’re essentially throwing away a part of the show’s history. You’re ignoring 15 years worth of story building. 

As I said I’m not going to go into 15x20 for reasons, it doesn’t offend me as much as what was done before that finale. Because I think those other show exits really affect 15x20 even worse than people realize. You want to know why, I’ll explain.

Lets start off with Castiel and Jack, OH BOY! We know where they end up; running Heaven and the Earth together which is all fine and dandy. I love my Dadstiel father/son duo being an endgame family unit. But here in lies the problem, we never saw it. Not even a cameo. And technically their onscreen storyline ends at 15x18 and 15x19 which is an ugly, anti-climatic bookend to an incredibly deep relationship that had 4 years of development. First you have Castiel who completely forgets why he made that deal with the Empty to begin with. HIS FUCKING SON. Not to mention it wasn’t about true happiness it was about giving himself permission to be happy; there is a difference. And then you have Jack wandering around next episode, vacuuming up power cause suddenly he’s a machine now, acting like he doesn’t give a shit over losing his dad to an entity HE’S BEEN DREADING ABOUT FOR A FUCKING YEAR. 

Towards the end of season 15 I noticed neither of these characters were acting like themselves. Their motivations, their personalities and strong ties to one another had mysteriously dissolved. Castiel became less concerned about the danger his son was facing after 15x15 (what the hell was that in 15x17?) and more about speaking when spoken to by either Sam or Dean. Does he know how Dean truly feels about Jack; proclaiming the child is “not family”? I doubt the in-character version of him would let Jack leave with Dean after that insult. Castiel’s not even worried whether or not his son is alive or safe before he makes the big confession later. And for some reason Jack (who’d become heavily suicidal) was more concerned with clinging to the Winchesters, willing to die for them, instead focusing on himself and the one person who’s shown him nothing but unconditional love and given him strength since birth. Both of these characters are canonically depressed and suffer from low self-esteem that was never resolved which makes me furious. 

When Chuck killed Jack at the end of season 14, this devastated Castiel in the first half of season 15. He actually got to grieve that loss throughout the episodes and deal with his anger over it, allowing the audience to anticipate the day they’d be reunited one last time. This part of Castiel’s S15 arc also ironically mirrors Jack’s S13 arc of mourning Castiel’s death until resurrecting him. And when this son finally returned to his father, who got to rescue him, it was such a poignant moment between the two. It was a cathartic payoff after witnessing Castiel in so much pain over Jack. There was so much building up between that Dadstiel reunion in 15x11 and the Empty’s pact in 14x08; this was suppose to be a tragic yet pivotal plot-point in both Jack and Castiel’s stories. And with SPN wrapping up we all expected something BIG. Yet somehow the writers retconned the whole thing by making it all about Dean, which is such a gross disservice to these characters and 4 years of storytelling.

For instance, since 15x18 was Castiel’s exit episode, why wasn’t he allowed to hug his son or Sam goodbye one last time? Why didn’t he have more of a focal role instead of standing around majority of the episode with barely any dialogue as so much precious air time was wasted on frivolous things? Why didn’t he get one last badass fight scene with someone like Death instead of being choked out and tossed around like a powerless mortal? Why did the group need to be split up to begin with when it served no purpose either than that *ugh* moment? Why wasn’t Jack allowed to call Castiel “dad” once before the show ended? He deserved to hear his son address him as dad!

AND WHY THE HELL COULDN’T JACK FEEL CASTIEL’S DEATH THE MOMENT IT HAPPENED? 

The show already established to the audience the significant cosmic bond these two characters shared since before Jack was even born. It was so powerful it boosted Castiel’s grace. Jack could remember who Castiel was from the womb and that he’d protected his mother. Not to mention HE FUCKING RESURRECTED CASTIEL OUT OF THE EMPTY ONCE WITHOUT GOD’S POWER. You’re telling me Jack couldn’t feel his dad being taken away forever despite how far apart they were? No, he’d feel it in his heart. Had we’d been given a scene like that at the end of 15x18 (something of substance) with actual grief shown in 15x19 maybe the episode would’ve faired better for them. 

That said it wasn’t, because Jack was treated the exact same way in his final exit. Hardly any lines and just a bunch of scenes of him standing/walking around until that pathetic reveal at the lake. HE DOESN’T EVEN GET TO INTERACT WITH JAKE ABEL’S MICHAEL/ADAM which would’ve been a great follow-up to the AU!Michael storyline in seasons 13 and 14. I swear these directors didn’t give Alex and Misha any motivation during their last three episodes and it’s evident in their hollow performances. But why would they when the scripts are basically telling their characters to quickly fuck off so the brothers can have their final outing. Jack doesn’t even behave like himself after he becomes the new God. His personality is apathetic, cold, alien, stiff and way too mature for the 3 year old child so closely connected to his family/the human world. In that moment I saw Alex Calvert not Jack Kline. It’s bad enough he doesn’t get a meaningful farewell but again Castiel, HIS DAD, is a complete afterthought to this kid 🥶

And that’s what we’re left with. Forever. A frigid, hollow ending to one of Supernatural’s most healthy, touching, family dynamics. It makes you wonder what was even the point. I can’t even fully enjoy the fact that its canon Jack and Castiel are together fixing Heaven because of what the show presented onscreen as their last hurrah. It’s not sitting right and it makes 15x20 even less appealing to me.

Moving onto Michael and Adam. Get ready for this. I could rant forever about how dirty my boys were done by this show. How they were discarded in the SPN series finale recap etc. just as they were FOR THE LAST TEN FUCKING YEARS. Was there even a plan going on here or was this just everyone making things up as it went? Their ending is the most unsatisfying and cruel thing because its INCOMPLETE. There is no real closure or resolution with them thanks to the monstrosity that was 15x19. AND NO ONE CARES ENOUGH ABOUT THEM TO GIVE A SHIT. 

Much as I’ve enjoyed this show for many years, it NEVER deserved Jake Abel, his talent or his time. I keep seeing so many anti posts about Dean Winchester’s final fate in Supernatural and all I can think about is “try being an Adam Milligan fan for the last decade”.  I’ve had to watch this boy go through hell with nothing to show for it either than years of memes. ridicule and the show’s mockery in forgetting him. Actually he’s the ONLY CHARACTER in this series you’re encouraged not to remember 😡 Also quick question: why give us this really interesting and healthy relationship between an archangel and its vessel if nothing was ever going to become of it? 

At this point I don’t know why Adam or the idea of him was even introduced way back in season 4 let alone revisited in season 5. Because the only thing I see when I look at this character now is SAD WASTED POTENTIAL. Storylines never explored. Relationships that never got off the ground. Backstory we never got to see (like for instance his past with John Winchester and his time in the cage). A character’s birthright (Men of Letters) that was never actualized. AND the unexplained factor that Adam could look directly at Michael’s true form without his eyes burning out (making him a special case). And the thing is he could’ve been a really great character, both him and Michael. They could’ve easily reached popular status just like Castiel given the chance since Jake is a freaking acting-powerhouse. We were given a taste in 15x08 just how awesome these characters could be and how they could’ve contributed so much to the story and its core group. But unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be.

Michael will never redeem himself after years of scrutiny and being made out to be some kind of unhinged monster. This show constantly enjoyed pounding into our brains how fearsome Michael was. Warned us via Lucifer (LUCIFER, PEOPLE!) that he wasn’t rational, compassionate and didn’t care about anything except war, death and destruction. And that he was incapable of feelings and emotions. This is how Supernatural saw Heaven’s Prince and guardian of the Earth. Christ, they actually did a two-year storyline about an evil Michael from the AU world who enjoyed torturing and killing while trying to destroy the universe. I want to know WHAT THE HELL THIS SHOW’S WRITERS HAD AGINST THESE CHARACTERS? Why they felt the need to bring back Jake Abel, AFTER A DECADE OF FANS WANTING THIS, if it was simply to piss all over his characters one last time before the show wrapped. This is absolutely unprofessional and childish; the fact that Jake is taking this bullshit in stride makes it all the more shameful 😡

We could’ve learned so much more about Michael’s past and his present relationship with Adam. These characters didn’t need to sit in the cage for a decade they could’ve easily been incorporated back into the show as far as season 8 or 10! And been an asset to the Darkness storyline in season 11.There were characters and storylines introduced that served no purpose. Why did we need to keep seeing characters like Charlie Bradbury or (as much as I like him) Crowley or Garth (love him too) or Lucifer or Abaddon or the Wayward sisters? I would’ve much preferred having Adam and Michael around and got to know them instead; especially after 15x08. I would’ve wanted to see what their dynamic with TFW could’ve become had they been long-time allies. Did John ever tell Mary about Adam’s existence? I’d like to see what her reaction would’ve been like had the Winchesters remembered him during that damn 300th episode. I guess that’s another loose end untied.

But because of what Supernatural did to these two characters, it forever taints Sam and Dean. I don’t think Dabb or purist fans realize this. But when new viewers come into this show about two brothers preaching important things like “saving people”, “family first” or “family don’t end in blood” they’re going to see how badly the main protagonists treated their innocent half brother. How Castiel and Jack were treated. They’re going to see the heroes of the story abandoning this kid in Hell forever with no intention of EVER rescuing him. And that’s why their final appearance leaves such a bad taste going into 15x20. Cause as much as Dabb and co didn’t give a shit about Adam and Michael they also didn’t give a rat’s ass about protecting Sam and Dean’s integrity. That’ll be a stain they can’t undo. 

So through all of it, we’re stuck with the abomination that is 15x19 aka the eye-soar to an unfinished/unpolished story of two horribly disregarded characters. Michael gets the pleasure of being character assassinated right before he’s stupidly killed off instead of going out a hero or becoming the next God (as it was his birthright and the setup was there in the narrative). And Adam gets killed off-screen, OUT OF HIS OWN DAMN BODY, then brought back by Jack only to live a miserable, isolated existence since his brothers have nothing to do with him (the dog and car are more important); his best friend is dead, he has no job or money or a fucking home and he’s legally dead! Really what is there left for him besides the brutal fate awaiting in Hell when he dies?  

SERIOUSLY THEY COULDN’T GIVE US ONE SCENE WHERE THE WINCHESTERS CHECKED IN ON ADAM TO MAKE SURE HE WAS SAFE?! 🤬 His last scene pretty much sums up this shit for what it is. Tragic. I feel like crying for this poor sweet boy.

Congratulations Dabb, BL and co for giving us these much deserved broken story arcs of characters you destroyed and made OOC before leaving the airways. You did your show’s protagonists justice by doing this *sarcasm inserted* after 15 years of being onscreen. I doubt these idiotic decisions are going to age well in the long run. They certainly don’t look good on the Winchesters. Anyway that’s my hot take for the day. 

ALL THESE ACTORS AND THEIR CHARACTERS DESERVED BETTER.

[writingfromkitchenator]

Wolven

A Crowley Fanfic

Night was settling and the air was crisp and cool.  The paws fell, soft, almost silent, and keen yellow eyes shone brightly, slight puffs of hot air rushing from her mouth in smoke filled puffs.

She paused, ears raising, head moving low.

The smell of the hunt was in the air.

She stalked, black fur sleeked and blending her into the growing darkness.  Following her nose and the eventual sounds that reached her, she grew more and more cautious.

This was no ordinary prey.

A new smell reached her that had her momentarily pause, before sneaking forward, keeping low to the ground.

“What? Can’t even hunt a werewolf on your own now boys?”  A voice asked.

“We didn’t ask for your help, you just showed up.”  Another said angrily back.

Cautiously, she peered through the bushes, three men standing there, one of them ridiculously over dressed for being in the middle of the woods.

“Just having your best interests in heart.”  The well-dressed one smirked.  “Besides, looks like it was causing you a little trouble.”

“It’s a werewolf, they’re always a pain to deal with.”

Her gaze moves to the very dead werewolf on the ground, the one that she had been hunting.

“A thank you would suffice.”  Her gaze flickered back only to find the well-dressed one looking her way curiously.

Slinking back, she knew it was time to go.

She never thought that she’d see them again.

Another night, another hunt, this time, she was well on the trail, running hard to catch her prey, which clearly knew she was in pursuit, their speed increasing.

The voices caught her first, just as she crossed a hill and stopped, the two men making short work of the vampire that she had been following.

“What would make him come back?”  The taller one asked.  “I mean, it could’ve just fled.”

“Who knows, who cares?”  Grunted the other.  “It’s a dead vamp, that’s all that matters.”

Suddenly, they seemed aware that eyes were on them, guns drawn until they saw her bathed in moonlight on the hill.

“What the-”

“I wouldn’t do that boys.”  The well-dressed man appeared, his eyes locked on her.  “She could rip you apart before you even moved.”

“What the hell are you doing here Crowley?”  The shorter one asked after sharing a look with the other.

“Researching.”  Crowley said. Making her ears twitch and she realised that she was being very closely observed.  “That’s no ordinary wolf.”

A low growl left her, making the two hunters tense, but with a flick of her tail, she was gone.

The third time, she got the kill first.

It was another werewolf, broad daylight this time, but it had still been no match for her, tackling it, an angry growl leaving her as teeth sank deep into its throat, cutting off its scream as she held on and shook, blood quickly spilling around her.

The life had just fled it’s body when two heavy crashes sounded behind her, making her spin, teeth bared.

“Holy shit.”  One of them said, just as a howl went through the air.

She turned to flee, only to come face to face with a Hell Hound, of equal size to her, growling fiercely, red eyes boring into her.

“Now now Juliet, be nice to our friend.”  It was Crowley, making her growl louder but her gaze not leaving the Hell Hound.

“You brought your Hell Hound out here?”  The shorter of the two hunters asked.

“What can I say, I wasn’t sure how she’d react.”  Crowley said and then pulled something that looked like a leather strap from his pocket.

She froze, her head going low as she growled angrily, Juliet stepping closer while she was distracted, ready to protect her master.

“So, you recognise this?”  Crowley asked, smirking.  “Well, why don’t you show your true self so I don’t have to use it?”

She huffed, eyeing Juliet for a moment before straightening up.

The two hunter’s watched amazed, while Crowley looked amused, as she let herself shift.

It was slow and painful, it had been a long time since she’d turned back, too long really, the cold of the air biting into her skin as the fur fell away, her muscles protesting as they moved back into human shape, a growl leaving her as her teeth receded, although, not entirely.  Her hands clenched into the grass beneath her, drawing in deep breathes to force the animal side down.

Before she stood, she let the air shift around her, clothing her in a basic shirt and pants.

Ragged black hair fell around her face, yellow eyes looking up at them and her muscles complained, making her wince, as she got to her feet.

“You must…” Her voice was a low growl, lisped through the teeth that were still slowly shrinking.  “Be patient…been…a while.”

“What the hell are you?”  The short one asked loudly, earning him a slap on the arm from Crowley.

“Don’t be rude Squirrel, can’t you see that took a lot out of her?”  Crowley said.

She frowned.  “Squirrel?”

The taller one gave a nervous laugh.  “Not exactly. I’m Sam and that’s Dean.  You’ll have to forgive Crowley, he likes nicknames.”

“You’re no fun Moose,” Crowley smirked.  “I would’ve been quite happy if she stuck with Squirrel.”

“I wouldn’t.”  Dean growled. “So what are you?”

“Tired.” She grinned a little, something that looked strained through the teeth.  “Been wolf…too long.”  She eyed Crowley and the strap still in his hand.  “No…need for…that.  Not…wild.”

“Forgive me if I keep it on hand just in case.”  Crowley said, putting it away before noting her glance back at Juliet. “Juliet, home dear.”

Juliet growled, but vanished, letting her relax a little more, the teeth shrinking a little more.

“Thank you.”  The yellow in her eyes seemed less too.  “It is harder…when threatened.”  She tilted her head a little, listening to the world around them.  “Come.  I have a safer place.”

Without another word, she turned and started to walk, Crowley following without hesitation, but Sam and Dean shared a look.

“What’s going on?”  Dean asked.

“I have no idea, but I don’t like it.”  Sam said. “But I don’t think we should leave her with Crowley.”

“No one deserves that.”  Dean said and they both followed.

They were stunned when they came across a house in the middle of the woods, perfectly settled and looking like it had been there for years.

“You live out here?”  Sam asked.

“You have a house?”  Dean asked.

“I live where I choose.”  She said as she walked up the steps.  “And…despite what you’ve seen…I am not an animal.”

“Questionable.”  A man stepped out of the front door, folding his arms.  “Considering how long it’s been.”

She smiles.  “I have been around Jay.”

He nods, his dark eyes showing amusement and concern.  “I know, but it does not stop how long you have been a wolf.” Jay’s gaze moves to the three men. “Is there a reason you are bringing a demon and two hunters home?”

“Complicated.”  She said. “Would you mind making them comfortable? I need to clean up.”

Moving past him, Jay stares down at Sam, Dean and Crowley.  “I’ll be watching you, but please, come in.”

Inside was warm and homely and Jay led the three of them to the kitchen table, asking if they’d like something to eat.

“Err…” Dean clearly wanted to say yes, but was hesitant, unnerved by the normalness around him.

“Anything you want, and I do mean anything.” Jay smirked.  “Or what?  Don’t understand what magic’s in play?”

While Sam and Dean said no, Crowley said yes.

“Aye, you’re old enough to know what she is.”  Jay nods at him.  “And I would hope you are wiser than to use that thing in your pocket on her.”

“As I said to her, simply a precaution.”  Crowley said.

“What is she?”  Sam asked.

“That’s for her to answer.”  Jay said. “But no, I’m not like her.  I’m her carer, I help her stay in control and protect her, as well as meeting any other request she may have.”

Dean screwed his face up, but they all ignored him.

“So you’re human?”  Sam asked.

Jay nods. “Through and through, although I get the benefit of being able to tap into her abilities a bit, which is why I’m asking what you want to eat.”

It was so that Dean soon found himself eating a pie, Sam with a large salad, and Crowley sat very happily with what, as they found out, was a very expensive bottle of whiskey.

There was a soft pad of feet as Jay go another meal ready, and the three men looked up as she entered.  They were surprised to find her dressed casually, jeans and a t-shirt, and that she’d cut her hair, now tied in a small ponytail at the back of her head.  Her eyes had settled into a warm brown as she smiled at them.

“Food to your liking?”  She asked, her voice easy now, her teeth normal and the raspiness gone.

“’s great.” Dean said through a mouthful before gesturing to her.  “You look better.”

She nods. “Much, thank you.”

Jay snorts. “I’m surprised you aren’t still scared of her.”

“Still weary.”  Dean shrugs. “But you’ve given me damned good food. I ain’t complaining.”

Both Sam and Crowley rolled their eyes, but she just chuckled.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying.”  She said. “My name is Eva, and as much as I’m not impressed by your methods, I take it there is some reason you’ve sought me out?”

Eva’s gaze locks on Crowley, who tips his head a little, but takes another drink. “Considering how hard you’ve been to track, I’d say so too.”

Eva frowns. “I am tolerant of demons, but impatient when it comes to words.”

Crowley smirks.  “Oh? So not like the others of your kind then?”

She bristles, making Jay tense too.  “I have better control than those few left and I wouldn’t recommend-”

“I know enough of your kind to know when to push.”  Crowley said.  “Hence the device to begin with.  I wasn’t certain as to what state you would be.”

Eva snorts. “I pride myself on being different and intend to stay that way.  Surely you realised this when you saw I was cautious?”

“I did,” Crowley said, even as Sam and Dean share a look.  “But when you know from experience your kind usually prefer blood, well…”  He leaves it open.

For a moment, it was unclear how Eva was going to take this, before amusement crossed her expression.  “You are no ordinary demon.”

Crowley shrugs.  “I try.”

Jay was frowning at this, looking at her.  “What do you mean?  He feels ordinary.”

Eva shakes her head.  “No, that is a ruse, as much as mine is.  That is the King of Hell.”

Sam, Dean and Jay all look stunned at this, staring at her as she walked over to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of milk and pouring herself a glass.  “May I ask why the King of Hell has an interest?”

“You mean despite the rumours of you’re kind being very powerful?”  He asked and she gives him a look that agrees.  “The fact is darling, that we could be very useful to each other.”

She leans against the bench, still looking amused.  “Is that so?”

Crowley clearly wasn’t expecting this, a slight frown creasing his forehead for a moment before he continued.  “Truly. We both have a large amount of resources available after all.”

“Crowley, are you seriously trying to make a deal with her?”  Dean asked, his pie forgotten.

“I wouldn’t worry too much Dean,” Eva said calmly.  “Deals mean little to my people, after all, we don’t really have souls worth selling, we can’t go to Hell.  It’s more…favours.  It’s rather normal for both angels and demons to approach us such.”

“They…what?”  Dean looked confused.  “What are you?”

“Old.” She answered.  “And I’m not even sure if my people have a name in your tongue anymore, after all, very few know we exist.”  She thinks.  “Werewolf would be the closest term, but I know that they are already linked to others, so I guess Wolven would be the next closest translation.”

“Wolven?” Sam asked, frowning.  “I don’t ever remember coming across something like that in any books, even any sort of description like what I’ve seen.”

“Well, nor are Leviathan’s.”  She said, noting all three of them tensing.  “And seeing as we are just as old…well, I’m sure you can image certain things.”

“You’re…you’re that old?”  Dean asked, making her laugh.

“No, not by a long shot.”  She grins. “But my people in general are.  We were God’s first solution to his Leviathan problem.  The term fighting fire with fire comes to mind.  It’s certainly something I never expected to face, it was an interesting challenge a few years ago, but I managed.”

“Why didn’t you go after their leader?”  Dean asked, anger in his voice.  “I mean, if your people were made to kill them-”

“My people grew content on the idea that they were safely locked away in Purgatory.” She said calmly.  “So the knowledge to fight them was lost.  I tried, trust me I did, to get that knowledge back, but it started to become too dangerous.  I just hope that those of my kind that went to Purgatory didn’t end up as the Leviathan’s said.”

“So, what, you did nothing because you were scared?”  Dean asked, making Jay scowl at him.

Eva rests a hand on Jay’s shoulder, giving a small squeeze as she looked sadly at Dean. “There are few of my kind left Dean, for all I know, I could be the last, and when you’re in such a state, conservation becomes a high priority.”  Her gaze moves to Crowley.  “I hope you understand that.”

Crowley nods.  “Hence why I said we could be very useful to each other.  I can offer protection.”

Jay’s glare turns to Crowley.  “Protection? Really?  I hate to tell you this demon, but she can manage that on her own.” He gestures around them.  “Or what?  You think this place isn’t protected?”

“I felt it long before we reached it.”  Crowley said. “But protection is only part of my offer, or what?  Didn’t think I’d come with more cards in play?”

As Jay goes to argue, Eva snorts in amusement.  “Now Crowley, don’t go riling him up, he has killed demon’s before.” Jay shoots her a look and she shrugs. “I know of what protection his is talking, and I cannot say that I’m not tempted.  Times are growing increasingly difficult.”

“Yeah, but he’s a mega douche,” Dean said quickly, making Crowley roll his eyes. “You don’t want to make a deal with him.”

Eva raises an eyebrow, looking amused.  “Funny, your distaste, because it seems to me, you work with him a lot.”

Dean’s face flushes as Crowley smirks, but Sam frowns at her.

“You seem to know a lot,” Sam said.  “But how? If you were created the same time as Leviathan’s, and are just as powerful, what makes you so different?”

“That really depends on which of my kind you meet.”  Eva said carefully, her eyes going distant for a moment.  “Some are no better, some are worse, some of us try and stay better.  We…we were God’s first attempt at a spiritual being, besides the archangels of course. There were-are-a lot of kinks in the system.  Most of my kind, with nowhere to turn and use their abilities after the Leviathan’s were gone, turned on each other, let their power corrupt them.”  Her gaze hardens for a moment, her body tense before she let out a weary sigh.  “It is a fine line that is easy to cross and a temptation we face far too often.”

She noticed Sam still looking concerned, which made her smile a little.  “We are not bound by what you view as good and evil, we are creatures of instinct, cunning and, at times, a raw, unyielding power. Our deals with angels and demons alike are part of our nature to survive, just as having carers became to be too.  I know the risks involved.”

“So you’re telling us that deals with demon’s don’t push you one way or the other?” Dean asked.

“We are older than demons,” She said.  “Technically it is we that influence them.”

“Not that it makes you immune.”  Jay said, earning a roll of her eyes.  “You still need to be careful.”

“I’m well aware Jay.”  She said softly.  “You know full well I’ve been around long enough to know what I can and cannot put myself through.”

“Yeah, I’ve also known you long enough to know that you get arrogant.”  He said bluntly.

“And I’ve known you long enough to know you are over protective.”  She growls a little.

“Well, that’s what you have me for.”  He grinned and hands her a plate that was brimming with pasta.  “Now sit down and eat.”

Eva shares his grin, taking the plate and joining them at the table, getting stuck pretty quick into the food.

“So, what’s with a carer?”  Sam asked. “If you existed before humans-”

“I’m not sure how they found out about us honestly,” Jay said, filling the silence while Eva ate, although she shrugs at his statement.  “But for those that haven’t turned, we help prevent that. Eva and I have a few theories, but with no real way of testing them, it really remains unknown.”

“It seems odd considering she’s immortal and you’re not.”  Sam said.  “I mean, what happens when-”

“I die?” Jay asked.  “We know when it’s time.  We search out a new carer for them.”

“Oh, that must be fun to explain.”  Dean mumbled.

“Yes and no.”  Jay shrugged. “Most of just kind of know.  We don’t take much to convince.”

“What? Like you’re meant to do it?”

Jay shrugged.  “Something like that.”

“We’re complicated.”  Eva said, scraping up the last of the pasta, making Dean raise an eyebrow.  “And trust me, there’s a lot of details you don’t want to know.”

Dean looked like he wanted to ask, but didn’t, especially after a small nudge from Sam under the table.

“Crowley, what is it exactly that you want from her?”  Sam asked, looking over at him, his concern clear.

Crowley raised an eyebrow.  “You mean apart from having a powerful ally on our side?”

“There is no our side.” Dean said.  “For all we know-”

“If I can interrupt,” Eva said, pushing the finished bowl away.  “Whether you admit it or not, you’re working together, making you very much allies.”  She grins as Dean looked disgruntled.  “What? Not willing to admit you’ve done bad things for the right reason?”

Dean opened his mouth to say something, thought better, and closed it again, Sam shifting uncomfortably next to him.

“That’s what I thought.” Eva said quietly.  “You should accept your nature boys, it makes life a hell of a lot easier.” Her gaze rests back on Crowley, who looked amused.  “Why now?”

“Why now?” He repeated.

“You’ve seen me a few times,” She elaborated.  “Have clearly known where I was, so why choose now?”

Crowley shrugs.  “Coincidence.”

“Bullshit.” She said, surprising him.  “Demons very rarely do things without a reason, just as I won’t help without a reason.”

“You’ve clearly never met him.” Dean mutters under his breath.

“Oh bite me Squirrel,” Crowley snarled.  “Name a time where I’ve never had a plan.”

The two started to argue, making Eva roll her eyes and get up from the table, taking her bowl to the sink, sharing a look of exasperation with Jay.

At the sink, halfway through washing her bowl, she stilled, her head tilting.

Jay looked over, going tense.  “Eva?”

This made the men quiet instantly, seeing the caution set in her shoulders as she listened.  Shutting her eyes, there were several distant howls, ones that had Jay looking concerned, as she turned her nose up and sniffed.

There was a moment of tense silence until she opened her eyes, frowning.

“What’s wrong?”  Jay was first to ask.

“I thought I felt something.”  She said. “I’ve got them on guard but…” She was silent again.  ��They’re on guard.  It’ll be fine.”

“What was it Eva?”  Jay asked.

“I’m not sure.” She said, turning.  “But I’ll know if it’s anything.”

“You can control wolves?”  Sam asked.

“I’m part of the pack,” Eva smirked.  “Not quite the alpha, they know better than that, but they respect me, enough to listen when I know things are wrong.”

“You’re sure they can handle it?”  Dean asked. “I mean, they are just animals.”

“Very intelligent animals.” Her eyes seemed to sparkle as she said it.  “Never underestimate a wolf Dean, it could be the last thing you do.”

Dean shifted a little uncomfortably but when she seemed to be relaxed again, they all did too.

That was until there was a wild howling yelp, making a low, angry growl leave her, before more, very different howls started.

Eva strode forward, the doors and windows starting to close and lock, her body tense. The four men found themselves sliding across the floor, a circle forming around them that glowed brightly.

Jay hit the invisible force that was around them.  “Eva no!”

“You are safer there.”  She barely breathed, her eyes locked on the front door.

They could all make out the flicker of dark shapes outside the windows, the growls and yips of wolves beyond the walls.  Heavy footfalls sounded, walking up the steps and Eva’s growl got louder, stepping into a more defensive position.  There was a chuckle before the door before-

BANG.

The door flew back and a tall man stepped inside, a very wolfish grin on his features, yellow eyes locking onto her with nothing short of amusement.

“Oh Evangeline,” He said, his teeth showing as he talked.  “What are you doing hiding out here?”

“Gerard.” She spat.  “I killed you.”

“Did you?” Gerard scratches his chin as if trying to remember, before shrugging, his grin returning.  “I’m still standing.”

Eva growled, her eyes not leaving his.  “I guess I should make sure this time.”

“Good luck with that princess.” Gerard’s amusement flickered for a moment into something darker.  “You know I’m better, and besides, I just want to talk.”

“Talk?” She practically barked a laugh and then nods outside.  “Is that why you brought abominations with you?”

“They’re our people Evangeline.” He growled, the amusement gone.

“No brother,” A black wold leapt at a window but to no avail.  “They are monsters.”

Gerard growled, stepping forward.  “Because that’s what we are, we came before all of them, we were before the Alpha’s! We should be ruling them!”

Eva rolled her eyes.  “Please, do you even hear yourself?  We were not made to rule.”

“We were made as soldiers.”  He growled and stepped closer again.  “But I think it’s about time we changed that.”

He leapt at her but Eva was faster, dodging away before returning for her own attack.

“No! Jay his the barrier again.  “Eva, dammit!”

“What the hell is going on?”  Dean asked, both him and Sam having guns drawn.

“Gerard is meant to be dead.”  Jay said angrily, his eyes not leaving Eva as she fought Gerard, all teeth and claws, growls filing the room, drowning out the noises outside.  “She killed him, years ago.  It almost turned her to do it, she was a mess for months.”  Jay broke away, looking around them for something, anything.  “He’s her brother.”

“Then why is he trying to kill her?”  Sam asked.

“He’s not.” Jay looks at them, his eyes desperate.” He wants to turn her.”

There was a loud crack, making them all jump as Eva slumped against the barrier, Gerard approaching, looking furious.

“Why don’t you give in to the inevitable?”  He spat through his teeth.  “This is going to happen one way or another.”

Eva gets to her feet, shaking. “Because I have to believe we are better than that.”

She leaps and there was a struggle for a moment before Gerard’s teeth sunk hard into her throat, making her scream and struggle.

The circle of light around the four men flickered before fading and the howls suddenly seemed very loud outside.

“Oh crap.” Dean said quietly, even as Jay leapt to the other side of the room, the front door starting to shake.

“She’s losing control, we need to help!”  Jay calls back to them, just as Eva is thrown across the room.

Eva was breathing hard as she collected herself, struggling up onto her hands and knees, her arms shaking.

“Go on.” Gerard growled, his mouth dripping with her blood.  “Turn. Show what you-”

He shrieked, a crossbow bolt burying deep in his neck, fired from Jay, who was now reloading.

“Don’t just stand there!”  He shouts. “Shoot him!”

Sam and Dean don’t hesitate, firing into Gerard, who growls loudly at them but doesn’t go down.

Crowley hurries over to Eva, grabbing her arm to help her to her feet.

With surprising strength, Eva grabbed him, a low growl in her voice, her eyes flickering between yellow and brown, something dangerous lurking within.

“Possess me.”

Crowley’s eyes go wide.  “What?”

“Possess. Me.”  She bit out, eyes flashing.  “If I lose control, you’re all dead.  You want my help then you’ll do as I ask.”

With that, she shoved him back slightly before turning to face Gerard again, who was trying to tug the crossbow bolt free, unfazed.  A wild growl left her and in the blink of eye, she shifted, leaping towards him.  There was a brief tangle of limbs before Gerard shifted too, a lot larger than her.

They faced and started to circle each other, their eyes not leaving each other.

Crowley stared at them, shock, never having had such a request before.  Sam, Dean and Jay still had their weapons trained on Gerard, but Crowley understood that it was going to do little.

Frowning, he was suddenly unsure of what to do.

The growl that left Eva was angry and he realised that it was more directed at him than it was at Gerard.

He knew this wasn’t something to be taken lightly and yet he felt the choice was slipping through his fingers.

Gerard leapt at Eva and there was a fierce struggle of black fur with black fur, white teeth flashing as growls and yelps of pain filled the room, the two wolves fighting fiercely for dominance before Eva was thrown again, crashing hard into the dining table, shattering it into pieces and she struggled to get back up, breathing hard.

Crowley knew he had no choice.

He let himself smoke out, making Sam and Dean jump, staring, and Jay’s face paling as they watched as he headed straight for Eva.

Gerard growled, but it was nothing compared to the growl that suddenly left Eva.

The air shifted around her and she shook herself as she straightened up, her eyes burning red as her gaze locked on Gerard.

There were more howls outside and Dean shuddered, knowing they weren’t ordinary howls.

“Was that Hell Hounds?”  Sam asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Dean growled.  “What the fuck is happening?”

With a speed they hardly even saw, Eva charged back at Gerard, but this time it was clear that she was the stronger one, tearing into him, howls and yelps of pain filling the air, not just from Gerard, but from the other wolves outside.

Gerard was thrown aside by an invisible force and Eva leapt, teeth bared and sinking hard into his throat.  There was no pause as she began to tear and Gerard struggled but didn’t stand a chance as chunks were tore off him.

The howls outside seemed to vanish, only a few low growls remaining, and with a final angry hiss, Gerard’s body went limp, his yellow eyes staring blankly.

Eva stepped back, still growling for a moment, red eyes locked onto him, making sure that he wasn’t getting back up, blood dripping from her jaws.

The red smoke left her slowly and headed back for Crowley, who slowly blinked and rubbed his head with a heavy groan, Evan shaking her head, her eyes returning to yellow before she turned back, covered in blood and wounds.

Crowley stared at her with wide eyes.  “What the hell was that?”

Eva growled, not answering as she limped heavily over to a cupboard and practically tearing it open, pulling out a box.

“Eva, are you sure-”

Jay was cut off by her dark look as she marched the box over to Gerard’s body and holds it over him.  With several clicks, there was something like a feint howl and a wisp of grey rose from his body and quickly was pulled into the box, which she snapped shut.

Limping over to the kitchen bench, she places it down heavily before letting her relax, leaning heavily on her arms as she breathes heavily.  “Fuck.”

Jay dashed over to the sink, filling up a glass with water and hurrying it over to her, helping her drink it.  “Bloody hell Eva, are you alright?”

“No.” Her voice was a low growl, her eyes still yellow.  “Too close.”

“Do you need-”

“Not now.” She said and then turned to Crowley. “Sorry.  Had no choice.”

Crowley had slowly gotten to his feet, brushing himself down.  “No choice?  No choice for what is probably the weirdest experience I’ve had.”

“Used power.”  She wipes the blood off her mouth and chin, spitting out a mouthful.  “Only way.  Gerard stronger.”

“You…used Crowley’s power?”  Sam asked. “How can you do that?”

Eva’s grin was strained.  “Not first time.  Not last.”

“And currently not important, we need to get you focused.”  Jay said and took her hand just as she stiffened.  “Eva?”

Eva growled and looked at the box.  “No.”

The box shuddered.

“I’m guessing it shouldn’t be doing that?”  Dean asked.

Eva was backing away from the box, tugging Jay with her.  “Not possible.  All trapped.”

“Eva, we need to go, we need to go now!”  Jay said and then turned to trying to pull her, her eyes not leaving the box. “Come on!”

The box shuddered again and then the clicking starting.

“No.” She breathed.  “He can’t.”

“Eva!”

“Out.” She growled.  “Get out!”

Sam and Dean didn’t need telling twice, bolting from the house, Crowley appearing next to the them, watching back as Jay was still tugging Eva out the door.

The forest outside was silent.

Eva was breathing hard, her body shaking, and a small whimper left her as she glared at the door, Jay’s hand hard on her arm.

“Eva, we need to-”

“Too late.” She growled quietly just as an ethereal howl filled the air, originating from the house, her body tensing.

Just then, the house exploded.

All of them ducked except for Eva, who stared with fierce eyes as a dark grey mass curled from within the house, shooting skyward.

The others looked back around just in time to see a lot of the grey mass coming towards her.

Eva growled and spread her feet to brace herself, the yellow eyes shifting into silver. Jay tried to reach her but Sam and Dean grabbed him and held him back.

The ground shook around them and the air grew heavy.  With a furious roar, the grey mass crashed towards her and Eva began to glow with silver light, the shape of claws forming around her hands before the outline of a large wolf shimmered around her.

Throwing her hands up just in time, the grey mass crashed hard into her, bouncing back off whatever force she was throwing up around herself and them.

Howls, growls and roars of fury filled the air, her feet digging hard into the ground, her knees shaking, the others throwing themselves down, keeping as flat as possible but still watching her.

Eva knew, she just had to hold long enough till they gave up, she knew they would have no choice but to move on.

A low growl left her, echoed through the wolf around her and one knee went down.

Her whole body was shaking and she fought back the whimper of pain, knowing they would push harder.

Just as she was about to give in, there were cries of rage and then the grey mass shot off high into the sky, disappearing.

Silence fell in the forest, not a single animal making a sound, only Eva, who was breathing heavily.

The four men looked up in time to see her collapse down onto the ground, the silver light disappearing around her and she gasped hard for air.

“Eva!” Jay scrambled up and went to her side, quickly getting her cradling her head and resting it in his lap, brushing her hair away from her face.  “Eva, can you hear me?”

Eva barely nods but it seemed to be enough to put him at ease.

“Do-” Dean swallows.  “Do I even want to know?”

“Complicated.”  Eva growled weakly, her eyes barely opening to look up at Jay.  “Get them-safe-need-hunt.”

“Eva, I can’t leave you like this.”  Jay said.

“Jay…” She growled before it was overtaken by a heavy groan.  “Danger. Wolves…hunting…get safe…find…protection.”

“But you’re weak-”

“Manage.” Her eyes were shifting back to yellow. “You…need to be safe.”

Jay looked at her, indecision clearly written on his face before he sighed heavily and looked at Sam and Dean.  “Do you have somewhere safe that we can go?”

Dean, clearly still taken back, nods slowly.  “Yeah. Is she going to be okay?”

Eva gives something that they work out to be a laugh.  “Tough…manage…”

“How will you find us?”  Sam asked.

“She’s connected to me, it’ll be fine.”  Jay said and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before gently moving away, giving her a final look.  “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

“Yes.” Eva closes her eyes, still breathing hard.  “Go.”

Jay nods and steps back with Sam and Dean.

Crowley looks between them.  “Am I the only one wondering what is still going on?”

“No,” Jay shakes his head.  “But right now, explanations will have to wait.  We need to get out of here before her urge to hunt kicks in fully, she’s holding it back right now.”  He looks fully at Crowley.  “I believe you can help with that?”

Crowley looks at him irritated.  “What am I? A call upon service now?”

“Crowley.” Dean growls.  “Come on man, I don’t really want to be fighting her after what we’ve seen, do you?”

With a huff, Crowley snaps his fingers and the four of them disappear, leaving Eva staring at the grey sky above.

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