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elskamo · 4 years ago

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How about a Genderswap AU where Duncan & Alejandro are both women?

I love the idea of having different AUs exploring how the contestants’ experiences have changed regarding their gender. While this sort of thing was an introduction for me to explore my own identity and project onto characters I know that there are other users on here that find this topic triggering so I’m gonna answer properly under the cut so they can skip this post if they wish to. I know the ask specified an AU where they’re both female but I felt like talking about other scenarios with different genders too. This answer only has female and FTM, I did attempt to write more but my answers were getting less character specific and more generic and you deserve a better response than that. For clarity in case you aren't already aware I'm answering this as someone who's AFAB and a transguy.

I’ve talked a lot about issues with toxic masculinity and struggles with identity expression for Duncan, I really should start talking about Alejandro and his identity more now that I’ve spent some time trying to figure out his character too. In alt universes where they aren’t cisgender males I feel like both of them would still face various problems regarding their identities and how they’re perceived:

For a start the way I envision Alejandro’s experience as a teen girl would be wildly different to the way he’s portrayed on the show as a teen boy, frankly if I could I would rewrite a lot of his character as a guy! It’s no secret that Alejandro was a Latin lover stereotype that used his looks and sexuality to his advantage during World Tour but I can barely see that happening in the regular canon, let alone as a woman. Alejandra (Google says this is the female version of the name, please correct me if I’m wrong or if you headcanon a different name) would struggle a lot with being sexualised for her looks and for being “exotic” and this would have a massive impact on her mental health and self-esteem.

I feel like she’d be very uncomfortable around boys in general and wondering if they’re only trying to use her, I find it unlikely that she’d have many, if any, male friends. Her friendships with other girls would be few and far between, unfortunately there’s always going to be girls who judge you based on other’s reactions and the way guys act around her is fuel for bullies to use as slut shaming, regardless of how Alejandra truly is. That being said she’d form some very close, loving friendships with some of the girls who are able to recognise those toxic behaviours and help her feel more comfortable in her own skin even when everyone else is trying to either tear her down or fetishize her.

Duncan has always been very sore and sensitive about his reputation and I think that’s a trait that would still be present regardless of gender even if it manifests in different ways. In canon Duncan has brothers that he seems very close to and he appears to have a much better relationship with his mother than with his dad due to his delinquent status, I can see those relationships being more or less the same however the main conflict for Donna and her father would be due to him finding her too masculine. Rather than her inner struggle being between wanting to be perceived as a bad boy but having a hidden soft side, Donna would feel conflicted around how feminine she is.

She’d grow up with brothers and feel completely comfortable roughhousing and being seen as one of the guys but as she gets older and peer pressure becomes more prominent amongst girls her age she’d start worrying about how she’s viewed by her classmates. She’s torn between being upset that her male friends don’t see her as a girl but feeling unease about making herself appear more stereotypically feminine. As she gets older she’d gain more confidence in regard to being herself rather than trying to force others to view her as either a total tomboy or an over-the-top girly girl.

I can see Alejandra and Donna having major conflict with each other to begin with due to their vastly different experiences as women before gradually growing to accept their differences and helping each other to feel more confident and comfortable in themselves and around their peers.

If Alejandro were FTM I feel that he’d spend even more time working on his body in an attempt to appear more traditionally masculine, sometimes exercising to the point of exhaustion to try and achieve his ideal figure. He’d likely also be very conscious about his clothing, attempting to keep his surgery scars covered up at all times even if he was overheating. I can see him being more wary of relationships than in canon, wanting to take things more slowly and get a feel for how his potential partners may react to him and his body before letting things get physical.

FTM Duncan would almost certainly go to extremes given his behaviour in the canon show. He’d likely be very insecure about how much smaller he his than some of the other boys he’s friends with, especially in regard to his lack of muscle. I can see him trying to go stealth and doing unsafe practices like binding too long and too tightly despite how dangerous it is and likely to hurt him. It’s also pretty likely that he equates manliness with toughness and as a result he really tries to big up how much of a man he is by constantly picking fights and bullying any of the guys he thinks he can take on.

Alejandro and Duncan wouldn’t get on at first, with Duncan in particular always trying to goad Alejandro into fighting. When the two realise that the other is transgender they find themselves constantly checking up on each other, especially when they find out about some of their more unsafe behaviours. Upon getting closer and more comfortable they won’t hesitate to call each other out on Alejandro exhausting himself and Duncan’s bad binding practices.

I was going to write about gender nonconforming/genderfluid/nonbinary stuff but it was just getting far too generic to the point that you could sub in any character and it would make no difference. I’ve spent far too long answering this ask already so I’m gonna end it here and try and give myself some time to think about some of my other interpretations before I share them, you guys deserve a properly thought out response than a few token sentences.

#total drama #transgender #genderswap #td alejandro #alejandro burromuerto #td duncan #duncan total drama #total drama duncan #duncan td #ask

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thewolfisawake · 4 years ago

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Since I’m in this brainrot alone, of course I’m just gonna end up thinking of a Hypmic AU with muses and their friends because I’m trash like that. Anyway, to avoid spamming my discord with the ideas, I’m just writing it on here. So a couple muses and those from @arcxnumvitae and @shxtteredillusions.

Starting with Kesil just because he honestly doesn’t fit with the rest. His actually came first as I thought of him with his friends from a different platform. He would be rolling with his delinquent/probably doing some illegal shit friends. Their style is more like MTC with the rough and tumble, down and dirty sort of thing. His MC name is actually Shinigami because I gotta stick with his ‘thing’ no matter the AU! I do not know what his mic nor speakers would end up like. I think most of his themes are related to him as a killer as he in this verse likely only learned and became good with a hypmic just because it’s the only weapon he could have. I mean...he probably could sneak one regardless but since most weapons were phased to mics, he probably learned. His rap ability would probably be something like Death Reversal, basically he could deny himself or his comrades of being knocked out as it fits with his actual ability of death force manipulation. Of all the guys I think he’s most like, it’s probably Rio as I don’t feel he’s overly expressive. Not because of lack of feeling but just that cool under pressure sore of thing

Anyway onto the Bastion Kids because they’re my faves to mess with

Ofc Lucien’s the easiest to think of this crap for. I do not have a MC name because unlike the creators, I have shame. But probably something wolf related. I feel his mic would be pretty old so look like a carbon microphone (because I think I’m funny) and be pretty simple. Don’t know what his speakers would be like. I think his themes are actually rather mundane when outside of battle. But in battle, cutthroat bastard. He’s like absolute annihilation of his enemy, his words are like the maw of a beast, he’d rip you to shreds. His ability is Cornered Counter, basically as his energy dwindles, his attacks get more powerful. Basically you gotta be decisive with him because the longer he lasts, the more dangerous he is. So obviously his is most like Samatoki’s as it fits his aggressive tone and no back down attitude.

I have a feeling he probably pissed off the Party of Words and thus if they had the chance to deal with him, they would’ve. Maybe he and his fam had differing views as to how to take this change in the world. I feel like he preferred the old ways but had to adapt to using a hypnosis mic in order to survive. And survive he did.

Katarina’s was somewhat easier to do because she’s very clear in her presentation. I debate if she’d just straight up use her name or if it’d be something like Prima (either by itself or being Prima Donna), something denoting her regality. Her mic is likely a stand one fashioned like crystalline ice. Her speakers kind of hard to describe other than like a metallic feminine figure that kind of looks like a warlord, armed to the teeth with swords. Her themes are of betterment of the state of her surroundings, how she’ll change it with her own hands and utmost confidence of herself. Her rap ability I am still working on since while the idea currently works with her actual ability...what it ends up doing runs counter to her personality. It’d be called Dazzle and would basically redirect an opponent’s attack to someone else. However the issue is Kat can’t choose who it goes to. Since there’s not much I can draw from with the ladies of hypmic, I would go with CL for her sound although I found Chanmina while searching and thought this hits me for Kat. But if I had to choose a character, it’d be Ichijiku.

I actually think her mother might’ve been a good soldier for the Party of Words but then she kinda sorta ended up falling in love with the enemy. Whoops. Except like the Party of Words didn’t know she did (supposedly). And so she left and went to be with Kat’s dad, who was a resistance member but wasn’t able to use a mic. So Kat is like the kid that was like...y’know we could live in peace if we’re not super oppressive. I feel like Petra taught her how to rap as it’s the only viable weapon for Kat so that’s what she uses.

Crowe’s is a pain because he’s a pain. I don’t have a MC name either maybe Shadow? Too basic? I dunno. His mic either a headset or futuristic kind of shades he wears. I’m sure everyone finds it odd. His speakers look more like cameras and briefcases with like a dicey looking umbrella. It’s huge frickin’ homage to spy stuff y’all. And you’ll figure out the function of them when he turns his speakers on you. Electric volt briefcases, umbrella gun, that kinda stuff. His themes are pretty pessimistic, the secrets of others, the ability to get his hands dirty and what those dirty hands can and can’t do. His rap ability I feel would be based on his gorgon blood so likely named such (Gorgon) or Eyebite and would work where he paralyzes an opponent from taking their turn. Who I draw most for him is actually Jakurai although obviously his voice is no where as deep.

If there had to be a traitor, it’s probably Crowe. He isn’t particularly happy about it but at the same time, it’s not like he’s brave enough to deal with his overlords. Not when he knows the things they COULD do. Or maybe he’s doing spy stuff on Chuuoku and is in a continuously perilous position but can’t or won’t talk to anyone about it. Basically he still has his paranoia but for a different reason.

Hmmm Taylor’s giving me a lot of problems because I just can’t pin down a lot for her. I don’t have a name for her nor any idea what she’d go with. Maybe something food based? The only ones coming to mind are Red Velvet and Matcha. Her mic? I think she’d use a hand held mic. Kind of like the ones you do karaoke on in terms of shape. Her speakers? * confused noises * Her themes mmm....I think hers are rather upbeat although not without bite! Her rap ability still eludes me. If I’m thinking of sound, I would put it as something like Calliope although again her words are lighter than hers.

I feel like Taylor’s family ended up with her parents not surviving the war and thus was left with Rhett to try to keep his siblings from being separated from him. She didn’t view a need to learn how to rap--after all a lot of the population doesn’t seem to--but her mind was changed after being kidnapped for ransom and subjected to the effects of a hypnosis mic. She ended up saved by then then ragtag kids and wanted to learn so that she was never in that position again.

Hooo boy, Emil has that instinctual attention to tone shift going mad. Oh god. I do not have a MC name for him either. I feel Prince would be far too on the nose. So something else. I think he’d have a stand mic, I think his would be like I think it’s a certain kind of ribbon mic? Like this? Makes me think of like old school announcers that fits with his lively personality. I feel like his speakers would be more like ice fragments that feels like they should be falling but don’t. His themes are like half light-hearted and inviting, about having a good time with others. But the other times it’s about masks and charades. He is the kind that has that tone drop and you can tell it’s another ‘presence’ to Emil. One that is vicious and will have you sinking. His rap ability is Frostbite, which would essentially have any battle of his become a race against time. His ability starts sapping the energy of his opponent and of course if they drop...it’s game over for them. His sound when light-hearted is more like Hifumi in like vocal tone but with Ramuda’s flow. Yet I feel like the perfect sound for his is Gentaro’s verse in Stella (Emil, I hope you know you are the biggest pain in terms of style) in terms of like how he sounds in alternating between cutting and light.

I feel like his mom had stayed in the Chuuoku under the Party of Words but had seen Emil’s dad while outside of the ward. And then she fell pregnant and was in love with Emil when he was born despite him being a son than daughter. And when faced with either handing Emil over to his dad or leaving Chuuoku, she chose the latter. This was her baby. Emil had grown up with both but his mom passed away...his father suspecting it to be Chuuoku’s doing, moved away far from the ward. However Emil grew curious of the hypnosis mic that his mother had used when she was alive and so he ran off near Chuuoku, where he met a...unkind mentor (basically his grandma in normal verse stuff) that did teach him but did affect his candor.

Cipriana I have also am having some trouble thinking things of. I do not have a MC name but I think it’d be cool if she chose one that’s like...reclaiming and being proud of her ‘runt’ status. Also am not sure about her mic. I think she’d have a handheld one though. As her mic, maybe they’re in the shape of spools with like threads all around and at least one connecting her her mic. Her themes I feel would be a bit like that somber hope? Like it sounds a little sad but it’s ultimately about a better day eventually. Which contrasts to how she is in a battle as I imagine she is very loud in presence since this is more or less a fight and she isn’t getting knocked down again (her mindset of chasing down Lucien absolutely frightens and intrigues me). I just thought of her ability being like By a Thread, where she essentially she cannot be ringed out and can be a little harder to knock out. Her set up kind of makes like a net or wrap around her to keep her from falling (also makes her look like a doll in some aspects, oooh callback). I think of her sound very much like Nemu.

I do not know how she runs in this story except maybe that she was normal and just simply ended up in the whirlwind of hypnosis mics. Although sitting here now, I’m thinking if Arsenio had a mic and had used it against her--since it’s basically inflicting psychic damage--on her even though she didn’t have one (which is illegal btw). And Vini had it with his shit and used his own and having the same mindset as in her original verse, she actually took one of their mics and used her words against Vinicio, still causing their original rift...just worse. A lot of the same plotting from there maybe? Eventually she meets the rest of the kids.

Aspis has been rather hit or miss. I am still thinking on his MC name but Yaksha has been in there. I am thinking of his mic to be handheld and I can’t think of anything particular for its design. I think of his speakers looking like demon masks with the speaker part within the mouth. It’s kinda intense looking especially since you know he’s so sweet. Gotta keep his contrasting aesthetic somewhere. His themes are usually about mundane things as well. Musings about those of his past and present. I feel he’s the least biting towards others in battles? Like a lot of battles are attacking something about your opponent or about one’s own ability. I think Aspis would rely less on tearing someone down. Not saying he can’t but I feel like it’s gonna be a bloodbath if he does. His rap ability would be called Katashiro, where he links to another person (usually an opponent) where when he is injured, that damage is shared between him and the opponent. Which coupled with his odd endurance, could drop whoever he linked with before he falls. If I think of his sound, I think of Kuko’s flow but also Ichiro’s lyrical way.

I feel like Aspis gonna have all the crap things of being a war orphan for himself. Pretty self-reliant and not one to take help because he kinda doesn’t know how to. But I think music saves him, I think Daza might be a DJ who even if she didn’t have a mic, she got him understanding of flow and the like. And it was just a comfort for him. She probably helped him obtain a mic. And he was friends and the like with Yukina until she went with the Party of Words.

Aya’s is like Aspis’ hit or miss in terms of what I can think of. MC names are harrrrdddddd. I feel like her mic I alternate between it being the kind you see a cabaret singer use or a handheld. Maybe one of the first that does both??? I can’t think much in design other than ‘shimmery.’ Not like gaudy but like you watch her move or light hits just right and you see it shine...like her. Her speakers looks more like a theater. With like velvety curtain backdrop and everything. And her attacks look pretty until they hit you. I’m thinking like razor flower petals sort of thing. Her themes...mmm, I feel like overall it’s just ‘pop-y’ and light. It’s nothing like her battling. I feel she just sounds pleasant but then has some serious cutthroat bars. Despite this, I think of her rap ability being Renewal, being able to make others’ attacks stronger and cutting the damage they take. Super supportive skill which she probably took a while to figure out about. I actually found her sound while looking at other stuff. Which I think is Jeon Soyeon easily.

Also not quite sure where she would be in the story other than I think Meg would’ve procured her a mic for her protection. And I think she cultivated her rapping to have a rap ability. And I feel like Meg was worried about it and wanted Aya away from eyes that would witness it. Because although it has no offensive power for Aya herself (at least not that anyone’s made her come to that point), it is useful for like...a team or ally situation. So useful for the Party of Words and what Meg wants to avoid. But she can’t really stop Aya from doing what she wants with her mic.

#long post #oh god #so long #and there's still holes #{Hypmic AU}#probably gonna come up with snazzy name later #but for now it's done #;wishlist

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thenightling · 5 years ago

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LGBT+ Neil Gaiman characters

All right. Let’s begin. This is a long list so I’m bound to accidentally leave a few out. Feel free to correct me if you think of one or two I may have forgotten to list.

April Spink and Miriam Forcible from Coraline (couple.)

Angela (Lesbian).

The character Neil Gaiman created for Spawn is Angela. Angela is now owned by Marvel. Angela is a lesbian in a loving relationship with a transwoman named Sera.

Salim and The Jinn from American Gods (Couple).

This relationship got nominated for a GLAAD award.

Sam Black Crow in American Gods (Bisexual)

Snow White (Lesbian) Snow White (Yes, the fairy tale character) is the lesbian protagonist of The Sleeper and the Spindle, which is a sort of crossover fanfiction of Snow White and Sleeping Beauty that Neil Gaiman wrote as a short story.

Captain Shakespeare in the film adaptation of Neil Gaiman’s Stardust (Gender nonconforming.)

His sexual preference is ambiguous but he loves feminine, soft, and pink things including womens clothing, hairdressing, and theatre. He also leads a band of cutthroat pirates who follow him loyally so there is that.

Loki (Loki)

There’s Loki in Neil’s book on Norse Mythology. Loki also appears in American Gods and The Sandman.

There’s also quite a few LGBT+ characters in Neil Gaiman’s Sandman, which include (but are not necessarily limited to):

Paul and Alexander Burgess (male couple).

It should be noted that Alexander and Paul were clearly in an open relationship (Polyamorous?) in the 1960s (With Alexander Burgess likely being panasexual) and they are now exclusive to each other by the end of Sandman: The Wake.

Judy (lesbian).

Judy was, unfortunately, phyiscally violent with Donna and it cost her the relationship. Judy died along with several other character at a diner when John Dee (Doctor Destiny) got a hold of Morpheus’ dream stone.

Donna AKA Foxglove (lesbian).

Donna is Judy’s ex-girlfriend but she ultimately found happiness with Hazel.

Hazel (lesbian).

Hazel had a one night stand with a man that resulted in pregnancy. She did not really enjoy it and now she and Donna (Foxglove) raise the baby together after having overcome many relationship issues. The baby was named after Wanda (the transwoman character). Since the baby was a boy they named him with Wanda’s deadname to remember her (Personally I think Wanda should have just been his middle name. Wanda hated the name Alvin). It should be noted that Donna and Hazel’s love story (which starts in Sandman: A Game of you) got a spin-off comic called Death: The Time of your Life and that comic won a GLAAD award for representation in the mid-90s.

Cluracan (Bisexual. Possibly panasexual by modern standards.),

Wanda (Transwoman).

Desire (Genderfluid and panasexual). Desire is the living embodiment of desires, good and bad desires. One moment they might want your death, the next they’re helping save the universe. Desire can be male, female, both, or neither at will.

The Corinthian (gay),

John Constantine (Bisexual.) Though not originally created by Neil Gaiman he was written by Neil Gaiman in a few stories. Including his appearance in Sandman.

Lucifer Morningstar. (Complicated.) Lucifer Morningstar (like all of Neil Gaiman’s angels) is depicted as having no true biological gender in both The Sandman comics and in Lucifer’s own solo comics. Lucifer presents as male and uses male pronouns. He self-identifies as male but many other angels don’t really consider themselves as male or female despite how they present themselves.

In the TV adaptation of Lucifer he is portrayed as having male and female lovers. It should also be noted that in the comics Lucifer was physically modeled after biseuxal rock star, David Bowie.

Mazikeen (Female identifying. Bisexual) Mazikeen is a female-identifying demon portrayed as bisexual in both the TV show Lucifer and in Lucifer’s spin-off comics. In Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman she was Lucifer’s lover.

Eve (Bisexual)

Eve appeared in Neil Gaiman’s Sandman and in Lucifer as well as American Gods. In the Lucifer TV series she is portrayed as bisexual.

Note: Eve can change her age and appearance at will. Sometimes she’s young, sometimes she’s old. Sometimes she’s middle aged. And though she’s often appeared as white (such as in Sandman), she is black in the newer Sandman Universe comics, and in Good Omens.

Various angels. (Diverse)

This one is a little complex. Many of Neil Gaiman depictions of Angels do not actually identify as male or female though many of them present as male.

Anatomically they are without gender unless they will it to be otherwise. Many of them have taken male and female Earthly lovers. You can see Lucifer depicted without physical gender in Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman, and other angels depicted similarly in the Lucifer solo comics that spin-off from Sandman.

Pollution from Good Omens (Non-Binary)

Aziraphale and Crowley in Good Omens (Couple. Demi panromantic celestial?)

Neil Gaiman does not personally view Aziraphale and Crowley in Good Omens as gay because they only present as male but aren’t truly male or female by nature. He has also said he does not view a male and female presenting angel couple as straight either for the same reason. He has said “I never said they are not queer.” just that he wouldn’t use the word gay for them.

I know that’s not all of them but there you go. A list of LGBT+ characters created by Neil Gaiman.

And before I get a stupid hate-DM about how Wanda is “transmisogynist” because you read a Mary Sue article by someone who doesn’t understand context, understand this. There was no Trans representation when Wanda was created. She can’t follow a stereotype. The stereotype didn’t exist yet. She had not medically transitioned and ask yourself if you find her problematic just because she isn’t the conventional idea of feminine in her bone structure and height (Something even cis women have to struggle with). Yes, Wanda died but it was to show the cishet readers of 1992 that her soul was always that of a woman. There are still people today (even some Trans people) who don’t think you really count unless you fully medically transition. Wanda was scared of surgery but that shouldn’t matter. She was always a woman and that was the point Neil was trying to make.

Yes, Wanda’s family was transphobic. They were supposed to be seen as transphobic. Also Thessaly AKA Larissa and George are NOT supposed to be seen as good people. They are supposed to be seen as Transphobic. Thessaly is a pretty horrible person in The Sandman comics. She’s selfish and kind of homicidal. She represents the cold, self-absorbed immortal Morpheus used to be like. And before you try to argue “Just because Transphobia is real doesn’t mean Neil has to depict it!” (and yes, I’ve been given that argument while defending Neil Gaiman) ... Before you argue that, I want you to know something.

A Transman friend of mine was deeply moved by Wanda’s story because he went through similar. His parents still deadname him and misgender him on birthday and holiday cards and gifts. They never disowned him but they want to pressure him to “realize” he’s a woman. When he saw that Wanda went through similar, especially at her own funeral, he no longer felt so alone. Wanda may well have saved his life. So yes, I will defend that “problematic” character who died nobility and who was used in the early 90s to teach cishet readers that Transwoman (medically transitioned or not) are still women. Also, Neil is NOT accountable for how the story was drawn. He’s not the illustrator. So stop using the artwork to claim he’s homophobic. A comic book writer essentially writes a script and then it is up to the illustrator to draw it as best they can. By the way, the illustrator of Sandman: A Game of You (Where Wanda came from) was Colleen Doran, who was nominated for a Gaytastic Spectrum award in 2001.

Stop looking for reasons to hate one of the only men who has been trying to give the LGBT+ community representation since the 1980s.

#Neil Gaiman #LGBT+ characters #Gay characters #Gay representation #The Sandman #Lucifer Morningstar #Good Omens #American Gods

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qotnc · 7 years ago

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#WHM2K18 WK: 1 Nia Simone (Ub3rgrl)

City: Richmond, VA/Bowie, MD

Nia Simone (Ub3rgrl) is an indie singer/songwriter who's music is honest, warm, and reminiscent of nostalgic soul. Named after the iconic Nina Simone, there's a natural lyrical element to the work. Her latest song “Warmest Color” is an ode for women, who love women. The video is a monochromatic layer of romance, strength, and passion. Finding freedom in sound, this artist speaks from a place of transparency.

1. Who is Ub3rgrl?

Üb3rgrl is who I am when I perform. Usually I’m shy and a little awkward but being ub3rgrl is teaching me to channel my confidence. I’ve actually decided to change my stage name to Nia Simone my First and middle name. I’m constantly changing trying to find myself as an artist. No two songs will ever sound the same with me. I just want to show the world how diverse I am.

2. Who are your top 5 women in music? Why?

Beyoncé. Destiny’s Child dropped Writings on the Wall in‘98. I was born in‘97. Her career basically started the same time my life did. For every Beyonce album I can remember where I was, how old I was and what I was thinking. She’s an artist I’ve grown with and her influence has honestly shaped me as a woman.

Lana Del Rey. I discovered her when I was 15 through my mother. Lana is my inspiration for songwriting and presentation. She brings a really heavy and dramatic element and I want my own version of that for my music. It’s like she makes visual music.

Fiona Apple, another great songwriter. Her first album Tidal is one of my favorites and it was written by her alone when she was only 18. As an artist I really look up to someone who just knows who they are and can make timeless music.

Donna Summer. Disco is one of my favorite genres! Donna Summers was the Queen “Love to Love you baby“ was a revolutionary track and she definitely helped pave the way for women to be openly sexual.

Kali Uchis. It’s partially because we’re from the same area and I really admire how she built her own career while doing her own thing. She makes music that’s true to her spirit. Seeing an alternative WOC come from my home is really inspiring.

3. How important is feminine identity? How has it empowered you?

It’s everything to me. It’s my mindset, my sexuality, my morals. I’m trying to become more in tune with my sexuality. I want to practice living outside of the patriarchal norm and that’s how I’m becoming more empowered. Being a woman, especially a Black woman comes with a lot of expectations and stereotypes so I try to make sure I claim my power as much as possible.

4. What are 3 records/films/artworks that narrate your political/spiritual beliefs?

She’s Gotta Have It by Spike Lee it’s all about a woman who’s confident in herself despite what the world as to say about her. The movie always reminds me that I define who I am, not peoples comments. A Seat at the Table by Solange was a really personal album for me it tackles racism, sexism, mental health for Black women it was like hearing advice from a wise older sister. Electronic Superhighway by Nam June Paik is basically this giant sculpture of the US and in the place of each state their are tv screens showing a clip that best represents that state. It relates to my spirituality in a way that I believe death is not the end of us we have a legacy and each screen proves that for me. I hope one day if someone had a tv screen to represent Maryland I’d be on there for making a difference.

5. What is your connection to MD (DC Metro Area), and its influence on your musical palette?

I’ve lived in the DMV pretty much all my life it’s my home. At first I wasn’t really influenced by the sounds of the area. My parents are from New York. They didn’t move to Maryland until they were adults. So, they didn’t really connect with Go-Go or the culture around us. I didn’t really know much of Go-Go until I went away to college. I can honestly say now I have a way larger appreciation for the sound I’m not sure if I can see myself making a Go-Go influenced song but I’ll try anything once! Now that I’m becoming more aware of the artist of the area, they’re definitely inspiring me to try new things.

Follow Nia Simone on social @ub3rgrl

Listen to Nina Simone & more on #WHM2K18 WK:1 https://soundcloud.com/qotnc/sets/whm2k18-wk-1/s-oLD1Y

36+ Wk 1 Artists: Jett Kwong & Bobbi Rohs.

All things #WHMWK18 Follow @QOTNC & @_thirtysixplus on Twitter!

#QOTNC #QUEENOFTHENEWCOOL #WOMENSHISTORYMONTH #WHM2K18 #IWD2018 #NIASIMONE #UB3RGRL #GIRLPOWER #INTERNATIONALWOMENSDAY

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sudsybear · 7 years ago

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Ross came home for winter break and I saw him at Anna’s house, catching up with friends. He was in a mood to shock people, craving the attention. In our preppy world of Izods and coordinated t-shirts and vests, he too was caught up in the trendy fashion of the 1980s. Away from Wyoming he chose the “alternative” look. He bleached his brush-cut a platinum blonde and wore eyeliner and eyeshadow over his changeable blue/hazel eyes. His jeans were new – maybe a Christmas present - baggy in just the right places, and he wore a comfortable natural cotton sweater over a black concert t-shirt. Navy blue clogs with wood heels added an inch to his six-foot frame and a collection of silver and black bracelets dangled on his narrow, almost feminine, wrists. I was smitten with all of it and felt giddy when he walked into the room. For a sixteen-year-old girl he was an easy fantasy; exotic, yet familiar; experienced, exciting and worldly, but vulnerable. As giddy as I felt, and despite my letters to him, he was untouchable. Older, wiser, away at college, Ross was out of my league. Besides, David was my attachment - he and I were having our own fun together.

After his break, Ross went back up to Wooster for his second semester away from home. He dreaded going back…but trooper that he was, he went. What choices did he think he had?

Ross finally picked up pen and paper, and replied to one of my letters.

Postmarked 17 Jan 1984, from Canton, Ohio.

“Dear Susan,

I hope you can’t read this. Maybe you can with some effort. Well, your last letter was very interesting to say the least. Not many people write to me in crayon.

I’ll be nice and not make you read that anymore. Maybe it’ll save your eyes. School is cool. I’m out of work, partys parties are farty. Life is tough. You’ve got to lose 3 before you win 1. Apples are cooler than IBM’s. Moogs are more conscious than Yamahas. Technology sucks – especially pocket laser-disk players. The Who still rocks. This letter is more abstract than my usual style of writing. Maybe you’ll find an interesting part in all of this mess. My roommates’ new clock-radio doesn’t click like the old one. I wear my glasses a lot. Culture Club is excellent. M-U-S-I-C Is really neat-o, spiffy, swell, keen, etc. I really am having a difficult time writing this. AHG! FRUSTRATED

Well, that was fun. Nice envelope, Huh? I ran out of nice stationary (or –ery) but I still had envelopes left over. I just looked it up and writing paper is stationery and standing still is stationary. O.K.? Well. If I come up with anything interesting to write about, I’ll let you know. Until then I will have to be trite and boring and just write in circles and hope that you are smart enough to turn the paper around and not put the paper on the table and turn around the table so you can read this. Well, I must sign off. See you soon. (Like the 27th at Corral)

Ross

Not only did he write back, he actually addressed, stamped, and put the envelope in a mailbox. Was that really so hard to do?

“See you on the 27th”, I don’t know why Ross would have come home for such an event. Maybe he knew the band that was playing and wanted to show his support. Whatever the reason, it’s likely I did see Ross then. Maybe I showed up with David and met Ross at the Civic Center. Or, maybe it was girls’ night – Valli, Julie, Erin perhaps, Anna maybe. Standing in the lobby, laughing with friends, I easily imagine seeing Ross stand in line to pay his $2 to get in the door. Arriving alone, brave and confident to attend by himself. If not actually brave and confident, at least filled with enough desire to see the band that he was willing to risk loneliness and ridicule. We likely danced, and stole a few private moments outside cooling off in the winter air.

Ross and I were both survivors of Mrs. Potts’ Dance class. Fifth and sixth graders forced to dress up in our Sunday best on Wednesday evenings and taught the fine but fading art of proper etiquette. Mrs. Potts must have been in her late sixties when we attended her class at the Civic Center in the late 70s. Her assistant worked the record player and “led” when Mrs. Potts demonstrated a dance step. We speculated whether Mrs. Potts was really a Mrs. or not, and whether she and her assistant “got it on” on the weekends. To stay with the times, Disco Donna taught us the latest groovin’ dance moves.

Girls wore long dresses or skirts (no higher than mid-calf), stockings, and dress flats (no heels higher than one inch.) I wore penny loafers. We learned how to sit with our knees together and our ankles crossed (ours was the first year white gloves were not required). Boys wore suits, ties (NOT clip-on) and dress shoes (sneakers were not allowed) and learned to sit with knees together and back straight.

While the assistant ran the record player, we stood in two circles – boys in the center facing out, girls in the outer circle facing in. After every mini-lesson, the boys took one step to their right, and introduced themselves to their new partner. We learned the four hand hold, the box step, the waltz, and later, the proper way to lead and be led. Left hand on his right shoulder, right thumb on the palm of your partner’s hand. After a brief snack, where we learned how to eat properly – small bites, how to use a napkin, how to dispose of an uneaten hors d’oeuvre, how to hold a cup and napkin at the same time, etc., then Disco Donna took her turn for instruction.

Disco Donna wore her waist-length bottle-blonde straight hair with thigh high dresses and form-fitting shirts that flattered her not-so-ample cleavage. We sniggered through her lessons, following her clear Lucite platform shoes with battery-operated colored flashing lights in the soles. All this to learn the dance crazes in the discos at the time, the 7-up and the Hustle. We dubbed her partner, who visited class only once or twice, Ken, after Barbie’s sexless boyfriend.

So, when Ross and I danced together in the same Civic Center five, six, seven years later, did we do the Hustle? Only in jest, mostly we jumped around on the dance floor, bouncing to the beat of the base. By then, The Clash and the Ramones had put their mark on popular music. Not quite a mosh pit yet, but it was close. If we had to do it in gym class, we’d have balked, but put speakers up, add a band or a DJ, and we jumped around for a couple of hours or more! We got hot and sweaty, and then cooled off outside and cleared our heads from the noise. Chatting about the music and how long Ross would be in town - gossiping about mutual friends. Then we might have returned inside to catch the last set, and after the event was over, he joined us on the ride to Skyline. Who can remember?

* * *

Later that winter, Cincinnati enjoyed a rare snow. A steady storm dumped several inches of perfectly packable and delightfully sleddable snow on the ground. (The Inuit probably have a word for the type of snow it was.) And glorious for us, the temperatures stayed cold enough to keep the blanket of white on the ground for a few days. The town’s only golf course was the place to sled, and one night a group of us rounded up all the sleds we could (including my parent’s toboggan) and headed over to the slope. Dark already when we got there, the skies were clear, the stars were bright, and the moon must have been near full, because there was plenty of light to see.

Young and healthy, we truly enjoyed each other’s company; David, Christopher, Victor, Moj, Julie, Erin, Igor, Beth and Boyd, there were at least ten of us. I know I’ve forgotten someone. We only got one or two runs with all of us on the toboggan – we didn’t get the hang of steering it, and slid smack into the one tree on the hill. We cracked the toboggan, and rendered it unrideable. (I discovered later that it was unrepairable. It became expensive firewood.) Instead we took turns on the few sleds we had with us. Two to a sled, guys on the bottom, girls on top. Julie and Christopher careened into the ravine at the side of the fairway. Those of us at the top watched them go over the side and disappear. We had a small panic – were they all right? Soon they reappeared dragging the sled back up the hill. Christopher had the wind knocked out of him and they were scratched from all the bare shrubbery, embarrassed, but basically sound.

David wore his hair cropped short – not quite a crew cut, but pretty close. He made a run with me, then again with someone else. Between the sweat from exertion and water from the melting snow, the cold outside air turned his hair into icicles. His hair was crunchy! We were fascinated with the phenomenon and took turns “un-crunching” his hair – some of us more gentle than others.

While Christopher and Julie crashed in the gully, Moj and I had a great run. He knew how to steer, and we flew further and further down the hill. I’ll never forget the shared warmth of our bodies on the sled, the thrill of sliding at great speed so close to the ground, the cold air on our faces, blowing in our eyes making them tear. I didn’t want it to end. At the bottom of the hill, we finally slowed and rolled off the sled. I lay on the snow for a few minutes, still drunk with the feeling of flying. We got up and retrieved the sled a few yards away, and quietly trudged back up the hill together to catch up with the rest of the gang. That was the most intimate experience I ever shared with Moj, and he never said a word about it.

Finally time to head home, we ended up in somebody’s kitchen with hot cocoa, and drifted off to our own homes as curfews drew close. It was a fun evening, a magical night that we remember and talk about years later.

* * *

And yet for all the fun and camaraderie, I still longed for something more, something different, something more intimate and private than what I felt with my friends. In desperation for a reply from Ross (I was making an effort, why couldn’t he?) I made up a Mad-Lib, and sent him a SASE. All he had to do was fill it out, and drop it in the mailbox. This is what he did to my rather benign Mad-Lib.

To name of a student at Wyoming High School ;

_Eat Me_!_Eat Me ! Eat Me! How’ve ya been? I’ve been Wankful. It’s so gerund up here, that I hardly ever know (phrase). I (verb) your letters. They’re (adjective)!

My roommates name is (name) he has (adjective) hair. I (verb) him very much. He and I (verb) a lot together.

I’m taking (subject) this semester. The teacher is a/an (noun). I (verb) her/him very much. I am (verb) a lot about (subject).

Last night I went to (name of a local hangout). I spent (a number) hours there. I went with (a friends name). We had (adverb or adverbial phrase)

I have to (verb) a lot up here. It is necessary to, because if I didn’t I might (verb), and then my (noun) would be wasting their (noun). And then I’d have to (verb).

I did (adverbial phrase) over winter vacation. I had a lot of (adjective). I’m sorry that I didn’t get to (verb) you.

I’ll (verb) you soon.

You don’t have to be so condescending,

(adverb)

(name)

Well, things are going O.K., I guess. See ya the 27th or so.

--Ross

While I laugh at his efforts, I was disappointed in his response. What could be so terrible that he couldn’t share his roommate’s name? When still in middle school, I visited my brothers at Wake Forest and Willamette and so had some vague idea of what went on – drinking, stale beer and old cigarettes, studying avoidance, loud music and dirty laundry. Did he not trust me?

There’s that “see you on the 27th” again. Obviously a significant event in his life – unhappy at school, it was an opportunity for feeling safe and familiar, something he wasn’t getting at college. After that not-remembered night of dancing, Ross returned to Wooster and my life returned to its own rhythm - David, Corral, Choir, homework, and writing letters to Ross when the spirit moved me.

* * *

David’s birthday and Valentine’s Day approached. He and his buddies got it into their heads that they wanted a romantic evening with their girlfriends. Taking us to a fancy restaurant was beyond their budget, so the boys arranged to get David’s mother out of the house for the evening.

Not a fancy house, the ranch floor plan was simple and practical. The front door opened into the main hallway, kitchen on the left. Beyond that was the dining room with a sliding glass door that opened onto the back patio. David’s bedroom was off the hallway to the right, and the master bedroom was down the hall, also opening to the patio. Beyond the dining room, they cleaned the family room, and set out candles to complete the romantic mood. Soft music echoed from the stereo. Three sixteen-year-old boys transformed the house – they cleaned and scrubbed, and using fine linens and good china they set the table with the romance of flowers and candles.

They planned a basic menu – the appetizer was most exotic – fresh artichoke with béarnaise sauce. This would be followed by steak, baked potato, tossed salad, and chocolate mousse for dessert. They made all the preparations and even managed to clean the kitchen before we arrived (I suspect Mom helped a bit). David told me later that the first batch of mousse didn’t go right, something Christopher did ruined it, and they had to prepare a second batch. They paused their preparations to clean themselves up, and left to retrieve the girls for dinner. Christopher with Erin, Boyd with Beth, and David picked me up at home. Each brought us back to the house, parked their cars in the driveway, and escorted us to the door. Anticipation and expectations were high. This was going to be a romantic evening of seduction!

The girls sat and visited at the table, admiring and appreciating all the work they had done. The boys did the last minute preparations (salt and pepper on the table? Salad dressings? Drinks served?) and served the artichoke appetizer. We started eating, while on the patio David monitored the steaks on the grill. We passed the potatoes and sour cream, when the steaks were cooked, David served them, and joined the rest of us. The evening was going as planned.

But somewhere between the artichoke and the mousse, I got the giggles. With Erin, we ruined the boys’ romance. Laughter and good-natured camaraderie had not been part of the boys’ plans. They wanted to stare into our eyes and feel connected. They wanted us to be seduced while they waxed poetic and anticipated getting to second base or further if they could. Maybe sour cream dribbled down my front, maybe I got a chunk of gristle in my steak, maybe I snorted and had a nose full of gunk – I don’t remember the particulars. I do recall laughing hysterically, nervous at the boys’ outpouring of generosity, and scared of the expectations. I wasn’t interested in their style of romance.

Boyd and Beth left quickly after dinner. A year younger than the rest of us, Beth had to get home for her earlier curfew, and they wanted their privacy before Beth had to be home. When they left, Erin and Christopher played peacemaker between David and me. David was incensed. All his planning, all his forethought, and I didn’t behave as he anticipated. Sigh. David still hasn’t forgiven me for that, and I still don’t respond well to planned romantic events. Feed me well, spend time with me and make me laugh. But don’t plan and scheme to impress me. I much prefer the spontaneous, the whimsical, and the genuine inspirations of the moment. All these years later, I’m sorry David, I really am. Will you ever forgive me?

* * *

A few weeks later, on a late March Saturday morning, once again I found myself in the school lecture hall. That particular morning just crawled…the hands on the clock moved painfully slow. Noon finally arrived and we were freed from our windowless lecture hall prison. Spring is really HERE; temps in the 70s, the trees in full still-bright-green leaf, the blue sky cloudless, and the sun warm on your face. Bees were out in force pollinating the fruit trees in full bloom, and the red, yellow and white tulips brightened all the professionally designed suburban landscapes. After a cool morning, it was shorts weather. I walked the half-mile home stopping briefly at the mailbox to drop in a letter to Ross.

I left my backpack on the kitchen counter, ran upstairs and changed clothes, galloped back down to grab the keys to the car I was allowed to drive and left a note for my parents. “Took the car – off to Julie’s. Back later – Susan.” I put the top down in the driveway and drove to my friends’ houses and picked them up. We ate lunch at Burger King and then drove to the park to play Frisbee Golf. Oh to be sweet sixteen again!

* * *

Later in the spring, David’s dad dragged him on a “bonding” trip to West Virginia. For whatever reason David took his computer with him. He and Christopher arranged a time for David to dial in and they “talked” via modem. A technological achievement prior to local dial-up ISPs and the now crowded world-wide-web with IM-ing. I happened to be at Christopher’s when the call came through. Christopher hooked up his computer (He called it Flounder, an IBM with 32 meg RAM – incredible power at the time, 1984) and started typing. I watched, only mildly interested. But then decided to pull one over on David. I asked Christopher if I could have a go at the keyboard. “Sure.” He typed something in, letting David know there was another person in the room, and I started typing. We messed with David’s head for a few minutes – keeping him guessing as to who was in the room. I finally let the cat out of the bag with a private phrase David and I shared, and the joke was over.

The whole exchange was an interesting introduction to the potential of the computer - where the technology was going, and who was going to be a part of it. By the time AOL was marketing itself, I was an old hand at e-mail and telnet. There was usenet and UUnet and signing up for e-mail discussion groups. Then WAIS servers, Gopher services, Mosaic and finally, World Wide Web with HTML pulled ahead in the Internet war. Oh, I didn’t understand the mechanics or programming involved, but I embraced the technology as a user. I don’t have to talk to anybody, I can slow my thoughts down, have time to find the right words, and let my fingers do the talking!

When I asked David about it later – how they managed to do this without going broke with long distance charges, I was reminded they acquired long distance calling card numbers from newly formed, post-AT&T break-up, MCI. Computer security was lax or non-existent, and even though David and his friends were not hardened criminals, the information was there to be taken, so take it they did. These were kids playing with a new technology. And David wasn’t hardcore – he was a dabbler. Later, I’d hook up with the hard-core programmers; the ones with pasty complexions, a penchant for cycling and a tendency to notice obscure details of daily life.

* * *

Ross was still away at school – but had been home for his Spring Break and we saw each other one night at a gathering of friends. Despite the lack of correspondence on his part, I continued to write to him. Writing was my therapy, and he was my project. A friendly voice from home might cheer him up. It certainly couldn’t hurt, right?

Postmarked 9 Apr 1984, Canton, OH

4-8-84

Dear Susan,

Sorry I haven’t written in so long. I’ve been mega-busy! (Isn’t this great stationery?) Well, right now I’m listening to U2 and writing you a letter and avoiding a philosophy paper which is due Thursday.

By the way, thanx for the St. Pat’s Day card. Pretty Spiffy! Actually, I’m not even sure when St. Patrick’s Day was. You get to be really “out of it” in college. Ya know? Of course you don’t! But you’ll find out soon enough.

So how’s the social scene in Old Wyoming? I think I have someone back home extremely pissed at me because I wrote her a nasty letter. That’s right, it’s your friend and mine, Heather! Oh well, who cares?

Do you ever talk to my little brother (who is a lot taller than I am)? Well, if you don’t, you should because he’s a cool dude and he’s not socially accepted and he doesn’t talk to girls much and he’d probably be really happy if you did and this is a really long sentence and I don’t really care!

I am so frigging lonely up here. No one to talk to! Poor me. Oh well, I won’t bore you with sob stories! And I’ll also stop feeling sorry for myself.

The U2 tape just ended, so I put on Squeeze. Next: Psychedelic Furs, XTC, and RUSH.

I found a T.V. set on Tuesday. Thrilling huh?

Oh well, I’m getting stale. See ya in May (I get out the 3rd.) Till then, stay sweet and innocent and stuff. OK?

Ross

“Sweet’n’innocent” that’s what I called myself. Whew! Who was I kidding? I was a bundle of teenage hormones raging to be set loose. I was dangerous. But indeed I was naïve in many ways. Our close-knit community sheltered us from so much of life. That innocence was an unfortunate side effect of growing up in our suburb. We both suffered for it, learning life’s painful lessons on our own, without loving support from our families.

Ross tried to drown his loneliness with baselines and drum rhythms. His solace was music. I know his loneliness now. It’s terrible. When I left home and Ross, I was also terribly lonely. I had very little music with me, so I sought out those with music and made friends. And yet, I reached out to my familiars through letters. Later still, when I was in San Francisco and Berkeley, I was yet again lonely. I listened to more music, and wrote even more letters. I wrote to any and all friends or family I could think of. Like Ross, I had a hard time finding much to say, but I wrote anyway. I still write letters, though not the same way I used to. E-mail provides a lifesaving opportunity. Sitting in front of my monitor and keyboard, I pour my heart out. Then, because temporary glowing images on a monitor don’t share the sanctity of words on the printed or written page, it’s easy to cut and paste and move words around. I work though my thoughts and find the obvious, sharing then with family and friends. Time and technology helped tremendously toward tempering loneliness.

The next year I graduated from high school without ever writing the required and dreaded ten-page term paper. Our AP English teacher was pregnant, and left to have her baby midway through the year. We coasted through several weeks of short-term substitutes before a suitable long-term sub was hired. When our original teacher returned at the end of the year, the exchange resulted in lost papers, and crossed gradebooks. Since I didn’t want to put forth the required effort, I played the confusion to my advantage, and avoided writing the paper. Even later, I too got very good at avoiding philosophy papers and bombed other writing courses in college – I couldn’t keep the logic going. I’d skip a key piece of the argument figuring it was obvious, when it wasn’t. Rule number one – state the obvious. It’s harder than you think.

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