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ashleyh713fanfics · 9 months ago

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Dazai X Odasaku!Sister Ch10

Chapter 10: "Maybe With You, This Could Be Home"

Summary: A power struggle between the fifteen year old boy and the demon that lays within him. Which is the truth, and which is a fabrication?

Warning: pm! fifteen year old dazai, dazai self destructing, Odasaku death mentions, dazai torturing himself and everyone around him, manipulative behavior from both sides, mori mentions and grooming themes, underage drinking, talks of suicide. I gave Oda's sister a name but you can imagine it as y/n.

(This is chapter ten of my fanfic "Timeless" which is now on A03. It carries on from the three part intro I posted a couple days ago. I'll link it below to fully understand the story. Oda's death has been moved up to when Dazai is fifteen for plot purposes. Asagao's ability is to stop time for up to six seconds.)

Three Part Intro Here: (just cause the first chapter is so long)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

A03 Version Here:

Word count: 8k total

One Year Ago

Sitting across their usual spots at Bar Lupin, Ango and Oda waited patiently for their other friend to join them only for the glasses-wearing informant to break the silence first. “I still don’t know what to make of that boy..”

Odasaku only raised an eye though, his fingers reaching around the golden colored alcohol in front of him without a care in the world. “Who, Dazai?”

Nodding once, Ango frowned. “Yeah, that kid is like an enigma. I can’t ever understand what he’s thinking. What about you, Odasaku? Do you understand him?”

The red haired man paused then, his head lifting up the ceiling in order to think about his question. He had known Dazai for a couple years now, ever since he had shown up in front of his doorstep covered in blood.

He could still picture it like it was yesterday, the events that brought him here. “Well, I don’t think anyone could ever truly understand him, but I have a couple ideas..”

Leaning forward in interest, Ango coaxed. “Please share..”

And for a moment, Odasaku’s mind traveled back to a certain red haired girl that he had known maybe just as well as the boy. Perhaps that is how he could come to these conclusions, because he was drawing experience from somewhere else.

Pushing his head down to stare back at his liquor, Oda spoke honestly. “He's sharp witted with a mind like a steel trap..”

Stopping himself then, the man pushed his lips in silent thought. Yes, that was common knowledge, something even he was sure Dazai knew already. He was a port mafia executive after all, the youngest in the history of the organization.

But there was something else, something that not even the boy probably realized. Something that he tried to hide, and yet would always be buried deep underneath.

“And he's just a child━a sobbing child abandoned in the darkness of a world far emptier than the one we're seeing.”

------

Present

Hours.

Dazai spent hours with his victims, his fingers sticky with blood as he finally threw the descared knife on the ground of the unmoving and unrecognizable man. He had done what Mori had requested, what he was designed to do with his own horrible monstrous hands.

He had slashed his knife through every single pathetic whining baby that Mori had brought in front of him and made them talk one by one until there was no more.

All the information was received, and now there was nothing left but to stare blankly at the dead body in order for the heart crushing disappointment and guilt to quietly suffocate him with each breath.

He didn’t feel like a man or boy. He didn’t feel any sense of humanity anymore, that fleeting feeling back in Mori’s office now completely and utterly dissipated. Now there was only the demon, the monster that laid beneath it all.

Numb, empty, a hollow shell that’s all he was.

He vaguely heard the sound of footsteps only to feel his boss’ hands grace his shoulders from behind, eyeing the work with satisfaction. “I knew you could do it. Good job, Dazai.”

The boy didn’t respond though, his body unmoving at Mori’s fingers clawed deepered into his jacket with ease. “Oda was a fool to treat you like a child. In fact, it was wrong to assume you could ever be one. You have been and will always be so much more than that.”

His tone was cruel and mocking, like he was proving some kind of sick point and Dazai knew that’s why he did this. The boss was proving to the executive that he was right all along, that he didn’t deserve the term “child” not when it held the connotation of innocence and naivety.

That he could pretend, he could wish for himself to be a fifteen year old boy but in reality that would never be the case. Odasaku’s gentle manner towards him was a lie, that's what Mori wanted to get across.

And he had, he really did, because looking down at the mutilated body and bloodied clothes stuck to his skin, Dazai didn’t feel like anything else but a monster, a demon prodigy and an inhuman machine.

He had desecrated his best friend's final wish, he had mocked Odasaku’s sister’s kind words, he had disappointed and betrayed both of them in the worst way possible. What was wrong with him? Why was he like this? Why couldn’t he change?

Death was the only thing that he deserved now. He deserved to be wiped from this earth completely without a single trace. But even a sweet release seemed unworthy from his grasp now.

Feeling the hands fall from his shoulders, Mori then took a step back before allowing his puppet to be swallowed by the darkness completely. “Now, have a wonderful night. Dazai. You’ve earned it.”

The next few minutes were a blur, the brown haired mafioso robotically moving to the nearby sink in order to run the scalding hot water on his skin to rid of the blood before slowly undoing his bandages around his arms in order to clutch the metal sides with silent despair.

He couldn't even bring himself to look into the mirror, already knowing what he was going to find. A disappointment, a traitor and a lifeless corpse staring back at him. No, he didn’t want to see, he didn’t want to come to terms with such a sight.

Silently re-wrapping the hideous sight with a new batch of gauze, Dazai then stepped back with a sigh. And though the blood was physically gone, he could still feel it. Coating his skin, corrupting his mind like some sort of punishment.

He couldn’t just simply erase what he had done here today.

The world wasn’t ever that kind.

Muscle memory then seemed to bring him back to the familiar apartment buildings he seemed to always slump back to, the demon’s steps slow and silent as he passed by hoards of faces he couldn’t care enough to recognize or acknowledge.

And as the elevator sounded, Dazai knew what he’d find when he stepped into his sad, pathetic and suffocating apartment.

It was the same as always. He knew that he would probably drink himself to sleep, or some sort of equivalent of that while sitting inside his dark isolated space without a single sound.

Always wallowing, always drowning. Nothing more and nothing less.

Pushing open the door to the entryway, Dazai’s blank and clouded body then reached for the black jacket on his body in order to throw the object onto the floor without a single care and fully step inside the place.

And then he was alone, standing in solitude like he always was.

Yet that’s when his foot couldn’t help but tap against something on the floor in front of him, the mafioso stopping for the first time since arriving only to register a small sleeping body curled up into herself.

The move caused her to stir though, groaning before her drunken and sleepy coated expression lazily gazed up at the boy in order for her to yawn through her words. “Oh, you’re back. Sorry, I don’t know how I got here. Guess I got a little sleepy while waiting for you. But look, I’m here as promised!”

Dazai then watched as the red haired girl then scrambled to her knees in order for her lips to curve upwards in adoration for his very presence. “Welcome home, Osamu.”

At the sound of her voice, the boy felt the numb constraint on his body dissipate.

Oh.

That’s right. He wasn’t alone. Oda’s sister was here. He had left her here and she had promised to welcome him back. What a foolish and stupid little thing, and yet she had honored it even so. She had even gone as far as to sleep in front of his door like this so she wouldn’t miss him. What an idiot.

He then watched as she pushed herself back to her feet, stumbling a bit in the process in shaky unreliably before beaming happily. “Oh! Now that you’re here, I gotta show you my surprise! Come on, take a look!”

Reaching forward in order to grab onto his hand, Asa then felt herself freeze before she made contact in order to reel back with an apologetic smile, almost like she had forgotten about his fear of touch in her excitement.

She recovered quickly though, simply skipping away from him in order for the boy to look down at his hand and close it in response. She was always so considerate of him, even while drunk.

Yet, the second Dazai stepped closer into his apartment, the boy couldn’t help but freeze at the sight before him. Gone were the blank and empty walls, replaced by the warm glow of string lights, the sight almost like tiny little fireflies as he couldn’t help but move even closer.

The tables in front of him were filled with various candies and unhealthy junk food, covering the entire surface along with a giant blanket fort in the center of the room, the sheets revealing dozens of pillows and cute stuffed animals inside.

Pushing herself back in front of his vision, Asa then clapped her hands together. “Ta da! It’s a sleepover! I’ve heard about these things from people at my school and I’ve always wanted to try it! Look, there are snacks and pillows and we can even watch movies or tell scary stories!”

Dazai couldn’t help but scoff in disbelief at what she was suggesting though. “You’re inviting a port mafia executive to a sleepover?”

She only laughed at his negative response though, already hurrying over to the small opening just a couple feet away. “Yeah! I mean, why not? We are still kids, you know. Gotta enjoy this stuff before we become boring old grown ups. Now, come on! There is plenty of room in here!”

Kids.

There was that word again. It was like the universe was mocking him with it, taunting him with a term he could never attach himself to. Tonight had proved that.

How dare she, didn’t she know what he did? Didn’t she know about the phantom blood that was coating his hands even now? What a ridiculous statement she had just uttered.

And looking at this display, the warm and welcoming aura was literally the exact opposite of the cold and dark port mafia basement that he had drowned in for the last mind-numbing hours. He didn’t know how to take it, this sudden whiplash and change.

So much so, Dazai felt his unstable mind start to falter, his fingers twitching in response before falling back into the old habits that were familiar and safe. He needed to, he needed to show Asagao that he couldn’t have what she was suggesting.

He didn’t need it. He was far too tainted for it.

Reaching his hands forward, Dazai’s fingers then roughly wrapped against Asa’s wrist before purposely swiping her drunken feet underneath her, the girl falling back onto the waiting pillows only for the boy to appear above her just like with any other whore that wandered into his place.

Asagao’s eyes couldn’t help but widen at the gesture, now finding the bandaged captive holding her down by her wrists, the distance barely breathable between the two.

The executive then smirked deviously in order to twist the tips of his fingers around the longest strand of hair he could find. Anything to corrupt this seemingly innocent construct she had built. “Oh sweetheart, I’d much rather continue where we left off in that elevator.”

Leaning forward, Dazai’s cruel gaze then locked with her confused little eyes before forcing his knee into the space between her legs, pulling them just slightly apart in a tease as he pressed himself deeper into her.

And though he had no plans to actually go through with anything, he needed to get it through her thick head how wrong she was for saying that stupid little phrase. “I mean, you didn’t seriously think that this is what I meant by you spending the night? Oh how innocent you are, darling. So defenseless against a man like me. I guess I have to show you what I mean firsthand. Hmm?”

Then to prove his point, Dazai shifted his head to the left in order to teasingly blow a breath of hot air into her ear before his tongue just barely grazed the side as he felt her chest constrict in surprise at the motion. “Calling the demon prodigy a kid, how wrong you are. Well, tell me. Does this feel like something a kid would do?”

That was it, now she would see that he couldn’t fit in that innocent box she had foolishly built. Just a little more to get his point across, then she would learn her mistake.

As if on cue, he then heard the girl in question whisper, the sound just barely audible, like she was desperate for something. “Osu..”

And because of their position, Dazai assumed it was because of his touch, the boy’s head pulling away cockily in order to look back at her with a small tease. “What is it, love?”

Yet that’s when the two locked eyes as Asagao’s anxious hands moved against his handmade chains, almost like she wanted to touch him. “Did something happen?”

Then all at once, Dazai felt his carefully crafted exterior start to crack ever so slightly. She sensed his distress? No, it couldn’t be. He had hid it so well in his womanizing ways. There was no way she knew about the disgusting thoughts of self hatred inside his head.

Forcing himself to remain calm, the boy then gave her a signature smirk before purposely pushing his hands even tighter around her wrists in order to slam her back into the floor. “Whatever do you mean? I’m just excited to play with my favorite girl.”

And yet, Asagao didn't take the bait, her lips twisting together in conflict before sadly replying. “It’s just...it seems like you're forcing something..”

Forcing something? No, of course not. What could he be forcing? This is who he was. He was just trying to prove to her that he wasn’t a child. He was trying to show her how much of an adult he actually was by seducing her. That’s what he did for everyone else.

For a kid, growing up in the mafia meant no restrictions. It meant killing and drinking and sex and following the lead of everyone else in the organization.

It didn’t matter if he wasn’t old enough for any of it. That didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except forcing himself into the adult box that everyone else around him conformed to easily.

And Dazai did it all. He brought woman back and fucked them just because it was what he thought he had to do. He learned how to seduce and flirt in order to get information for the mafia. He did everything like it was a textbook list in order to seem more grown up and mature and fit into the mold.

It wasn’t about what or desire.

It was a necessity, a skill to use in order to pretend to be a man.

No, he was a man .

He had to be. Since he couldn’t be a child that was the only option.

Feeding her another one of his rehearsed lines, Dazai tried to brush off the accusation. “Well, I can be quite forceful…”

Asa only frowned though, her voice just as sharp as before. “You know that’s not what I mean. How am I wrong? I thought we were both the same age..”

Laughing back at her ridiculously naive statement, he shook his head. Just because they were both fifteen didn’t mean they had the same luxuries and freedoms. “We may be the same age but we are worlds apart, love.”

Asa raised an eye in reply. “How so?”

And at that, Dazai felt his eyes close in that same suffocating shame that he had felt back in the port mafia’s basement. She was so stupid, if only she knew the things he did tonight, if only she saw the way he utterly disregarded Odasaku’s plea for change.

Then she would know why he had to force this right now, why he had to hold onto the routine that he had always fallen back on. Because if he broke out of that now, the boy knew he would break down completely.

Because of that, Dazai decided to be cruel, to unveil his entire evil heart to her in hopes that it would finally get her to understand why he needed to keep that mask on. “Would a kid skin something alive tonight? Would they watch the life leave their eyes, break all their bones and dismember each of their limbs until they were hardly recognizable? I don’t think so.”

He could still feel it, the blood on his fingers, the screaming shouts of his victims to stop and the sound of them choking on their own death over and over again. Whatever imagine she had conjured up in her mind about him was not reality.

And for a moment, he watched that happen, Asa’s eyes widening in shock at his gruesome and horrifying explanation before Dazai forcibly let up on her wrists so that she could run away or slap him for the betrayal.

But even so, it seemed the girl was frozen to the spot, her body and arms unmoving as Dazai cruelly finished above her. “Perhaps you should think twice before you call the demon prodigy something so innocent like a child..”

It was just as Mori had said. Anyone would be foolish to correlate those words together about him. He didn’t deserve that kind of title. He never did.

Yet, that's when Asagao spoke, her voice small and curious. “Why can’t it be both?”

And for the first time at night, Dazai was clueless by her words, his head turning in pure intrigue. That’s not at all what he thought she’d say. “Huh?”

Pausing for a moment, Asagao then thought about her words before blinking her eyes in pure unruly innocence for the situation before her. “You say it like it can only be one or the other, but why can’t you be both the demon prodigy and a kid?”

At that, Dazai felt himself scoff in absurdity

Both? What an idiotic way of thinking. Someone couldn't be a devil and yet an angel, they couldn’t be black and then white. That was impossible. Didn’t she know that those two terms were polar opposites, like fire and water?

Shaking his head, Dazai then leaned back into her body, his fingers latching onto her cheeks in order to pull her closer with a glare. “Don’t be stupid. There is no way those two things can exist in the same universe. They contradict themselves, they are..”

Asagao only smiled though, her words far too honest for him to handle. “You. Both of them. I’ve seen it firsthand. Your goofy/teasing smirks, your carefully thought out scripts, the way your face lights up when you see a letter from my brother, the way you manipulate and take control of every single situation. They are a contradiction yet they are all you, Osamu, and I’ve never seen anything wrong with that.”

And that was something Asa believed wholeheartedly. She had read about this boy for years after all, she knew everything about him and now that she had actually spent time with him, Asagao knew that Dazai wasn’t a simple man.

Yes, he was cruel and controlling with little to no boundaries but there were moments, brief cracks in his exterior that showed another side to him, a softer one. And whether he realized it or not those tiny fractures had shown her glimpses of who he really was.

It was hard to pinpoint exactly with all the masks he wore but pretty quickly Asagao had realized that her claim about Dazai when they first met was no longer valid. She had read him wrong this entire time.

She called him open and real but that wasn’t true at all. No, from the three weeks they had spent together she had learned that the boy was fabrication, a professional shapeshifter in the most impressive form.

He could be so many things at the flip of a hat, going into so many roles that fit his desire. He could be a brutal port mafia executive, a cruel controlling conman and yet a gentle and sensual lover.

But none of those were actually the real Dazai Osamu, not really.

They were just fragments, pieces of him sure, but he had never allowed himself to paint an entire picture.

Perhaps he didn’t know how to, perhaps he had acted and pretended so much that he didn’t know his true self anymore.

But as selfish as it was, Asagao wanted to find him. She wanted to uncover the mystery that was Dazai Osamu and admire him for who he actually was.

Even if it turned out to be a sad, scared little boy that had built up walls to keep himself safe.

It didn’t matter, she would cherish him even so. She wanted to, simply because her big brother had done the same. Brother, did you know the real him? Did you figure out who he was underneath it all? I’ll never know, but if you did..I want the same..

Feeling his hold loosen on her jaw, Asa then continued her explanation, her gaze catching on the self made blanket roof above the two of them before softening. “Just because you grew up in the mafia doesn’t mean you still can’t be a kid. You can still allow that part of yourself to come out, you know. I mean, I get not wanting to show it at work cause you gotta put up a front but don’t think it’s all bad..”

She then turned back at him with admiration, recalling the goofy and child-ish reactions he had given her throughout these past few weeks.

And although she knew that wasn't completely genuine, she wanted him to know how much happiness the fragment had brought her. “Because when I get to see it, I love it every time...”

Dazai couldn’t believe what he was hearing though.

Love? She loved his pathetic weak side? She loved that he was a contradiction of fire and water? What was she saying, of course being a kid was bad. He couldn’t allow such a thing.

Seriously, why couldn’t she just be normal, why couldn’t she just hate him and be stupid like everyone else. Why did she have to read him to his very soul every single time? He hated it, he hated how he could never hide with her.

Of course there was something wrong with it. He was an amalgamation of broken parts, forced to be shoved together with the flimsiest glue in the universe.

But the way she was speaking, the way she looked at him with so much admiration and passion, he couldn’t help but feel his stomach twist and turn with mixed emotions.

Whatever he did, it really didn’t bother her, did it? He could really just murder, torture and explain the darkest parts of himself and still she wouldn’t ever bat a single eye. He knew she wouldn’t.

Now did that make her insane or just way to accepting? That was still up for debate.

But either way, Dazai felt his lips twist upwards into a disbelieving chuckle, his arms growing numb in order to turn and collapse next to the stupid girl with a sigh.

He gave up. Her thinking had stumped him again. “Idiot...you’re a real idiot, Asagao.”

She didn’t seem to mind though, the sound causing her to smile as well, in order for the tense atmosphere to disappear. “Believe it or not I’ve been told that before.”

Dazai only nodded though, not surprised at all. “Oh, I believe it.”

The air was quiet then, coating the two with silence only for Asa to speak first, happy to change the subject.“So, what else did you do tonight? You know, besides the torture.”

She said it so comfortably, like she was talking about the weather and Dazai wondered if she had seen and/or done the same kind of thing when she was a hellhound. That would explain her unbothered air to everything.

Pushing his bandaged arm up in the air, Dazai sighed. “Not much, had a boring talk with Mori and then played around with my dog a bit..”

At his sentence, Asagao felt herself perk up, her eyes practically giddy at the memory of the ginger haired boy that she had encountered just hours ago. “I met him tonight, your dog.”

Then all at once, Dazai felt his entire body turn on his side in disbelief. Hold on, did she just hear that right? She had met Chuuya?

Well, that was unexpected. “What, really?”

Nodding, he then saw as the girl beamed back, pointing an excited finger towards her nose with a goofy smile that filled up her entire face. “Yeah, it was great! He hit me in the face!”

Although that’s when she watched Dazai’s eyes lower into a more dangerous expression, as he felt his throat tick with anger. What did she mean he hit her in the face ?

Just what was that stupid dog doing? Hurting his precious little darling, that guy had a death wish for sure, and not the fun kind.

Reaching his hands up, the boy then placed them on either side of her cheeks before inspecting every inch of her skin. “He hit you..?”

Although that’s when Asa quickly perked up and finished the sentence. Ah, that sounded bad, didn’t it? Sorry, Chuuya. “Oh I mean, accidentally of course! And then he helped me stop my nosebleed.”

The explanation was better, but not by much, the boy softening just slightly when he realized that there were no marks on her face. Chuuya was lucky there wasn’t any too, or else he knew he’d have to have a word with him about it. A very violent word.

Allowing her skin freedom, Dazai’s hand then reeled back before shaking his head with a scoff, still not okay with how things played out. “That idiot, he never looks where he’s going..”

Asagao couldn’t disagree with that though, knowing that Chuuya was distracted when his hand accidentally connected with her face. It was both their faults really, but she was sure Dazai didn’t want to hear that.

So instead, the girl allowed another quiet to overtake them in order for her to recall the kind ginger haired boy that had taken care of her. He was so sweet, cleaning up that blood for her. She kinda wanted to meet him again, to talk to him some more like Dazai did all the time.

Taking in an anxious breath, Asa then began to play with the ends of her skirt in order to turn towards the bandaged boy with a hopeful whisper. “Hey Osu, do you think he’d wanna be friends with me?”

Dazai only twisted his lips in disgust for the idea though, his opinion very known. “Why would you ever want to be friends with that slug?”

Asa only shrugged her shoulders though, recalling the conversation the two had shared in the bathroom's waiting area. “I don’t know, I just figured that if he could handle you then maybe he could handle me.”

It was something that crossed her mind ever since Chuuya had mentioned Dazai’s name. And it was no secret that her and Osu’s mindsets were rather similar in style. Perhaps in some way, she hoped that she had finally found someone that wouldn’t run away for once.

Wishful thinking, she knew, but it was worth a shot to ask.

The mafioso only scoffed though, his feelings not mutual on the subject. “You don’t need to befriend that idiot. His stupid will rub off on you, and you already have enough of that as it is.”

And yes, a part of his answer was because Chuuya was in the mafia which meant another dangerous tie to Mori but that wasn’t completely the reason why Dazai had shut the idea down.

It was insecurity, it was anxiety that the ginger was a much better man than him, and if Asa knew that then she would abandon him for Chuuya without a second thought. Anyone with a brain would do that. He was normal, and Dazai was not.

Sighing heavily, Asa then frowned at the disapproval. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I just know I’m a lot to handle and most people can’t really understand it. I just thought that maybe since he already knows what you’re like then there was a chance that..”

The rest of her sentence disappeared due to nerves, and yet her mind finished it even so. Maybe there was a chance I could finally have a friend, that someone could tolerate me enough to finally stick around.

Dazai’s lips couldn’t help but pout at that though, his fears of being abandoned and left behind showing in a jealous and bitter whine. “And what am I, Asa-chan? I understand your twisted little mind better than anyone, especially better than that stupid yapping dog. Trust me, you don’t need him.”

At that, Asagao felt herself smile under her breath. Did he really think she would forget about him? Osamu was and would always be the most important person to her. Even more than a friend, he was her lifeline.

Not wanting him to feel left out, Asa then turned on her side to meet him, her soft gentle gaze meeting his anxious one. “That’s true, you’re plenty enough for me.”

And with that, Dazai’s shoulders began to relax ever so slowly, his breathing retreating back to normal before looking up at the blanketed sky above them. This looked like a lot of work, it seemed to take hours at least.

He could even picture her drunken little stumbles as she carefully crafted each aspected of her little surprise. What a silly little thing she was, doing all of this. He didn’t deserve it.

Feeling his voice come out far more uncertain than he had planned, the bandaged boy whispered apprehensively. “Did you really put all of this together..?”

The rest of the phrase was lost in the air but it was obvious even so.

..for me?

Did she seriously put all of this planning and hard work together just for a pathetic little boy like him? He had never had that before, he had never been surprised with good intentions. He had never had anyone think about him or care about him in this kind of way.

Asa only nodded her head though, like the answer was obvious. “Of course, I wanted to make you happy, like you do for me. So, did it work? Are you happy? Did I make your home a little more fun?”

Happy?

What did that feel like, to be happy? And was that what he was feeling now? He wasn’t sure, but Dazai did feel a strange tumble inside his chest, the feeling so warm that it was almost too nauseating to process.

It was a foreign sensation, one that the boy couldn’t understand in the slightest. How was one supposed to react to that question? He didn’t know.

But what he did know was how utterly wrong she was with that little sentence of hers. She kept calling this place a home, and he knew that wasn’t accurate at all.

Forcing the warmth from his chest, Dazai then narrowed his eyes in order to focus on correcting her absurd sentence. “This place has never been my home. It’s just a building with rooms, that’s all.”

Asagao wasn’t surprised by that though. She had gotten that much from her very first inspection. A home wasn’t supposed to be that sad and lonely after all. That’s why she did all of this in the first place, so he would feel better about coming back here.

And because he had shown her a bit of vulnerability, she wanted to do the same, even if it was hard to talk about. “I get that. Oda’s place doesn’t really feel like home either. So I can understand how you feel, coming back to somewhere that doesn’t feel right, like you're a stranger in your own house..”

Someone else’s place, someone else’s bed, it never did feel right for her to be there, especially since she never knew the previous owner. Maybe if she knew Oda then the walls wouldn’t be as mocking but that wasn’t a luxury she was given.

Dazai remained silent at that, almost like he had wordlessly agreed with her as Asagao closed her eyes in simple thought. Tomorrow their little “freebie” would be done and they would go back to the strangers they were before.

And although it was far past what they had decided, Asagao didn’t want that.

She didn’t want them to go back to being strangers, not after she had gotten a taste of who he was. That lonely, sad and suffocating feeling, she never wanted to go back to that again now that she had found someone that had understood her.

Just a little bit more, that’s all she needed. That’s all she wanted from him. Perhaps it was impossible, but she would never know unless she tried.

And using her drunk confidence, the girl did just that. “Osamu..I..uhh..”

Stopping her failing tongue, Asagao then took a heavy breath before pouring out her feelings. “I know the specifics of our deal are already made and everything but these last two days have been really nice. I’ve never had this before, and I wanted to thank you for it. For giving me Bar Lupin, for showing me that photo, for bringing my brother back to life, and for allowing me to be myself without judgment. It means a lot to me..really..”

It was something she would never forget, the kindness he had shown her tonight. She somehow felt closer than she had ever been before to her big brother and it was all because of him.

Pausing for a moment, Asa then squeezed her eyes shut with anxiety before shoving the words out before she could change her mind. “And I just...I want you to know that if there is a day that you don’t want to come back here, then you can come to me..”

Oh god, she said it. She really said it. Hold on, that sounded creepy, didn’t it? She didn’t want him to think she was creepy. Quickly Asagao, explain yourself before he laughs at you.

Pushing her hands up, Asa then stuttered through her embarrassed pink cheeks, the room suddenly feeling way too warm “I-I don’t mean that in a weird way or anything. I know you’re still gonna come over for the letters but that doesn’t have to be the only reason we have to see each other if you want to. You could always just stay the night and leave right after or hang around the place, or even sit in complete silence if you just need to be near someone. I don’t mind, really.”

Finally taking a much needed breath, she then forced her mouth closed before a small smile crossed her lips. She did it, she had taken a step forward and pushed herself out of her comfort zone.

Speaking mostly to herself, the girl then finished wistfully imagining a perfect world where her dreams could be. “In fact, I’d actually really like it if you did that. Because then, maybe with you, that place could be home.”

And maybe it could, maybe with Osamu there, Oda’s apartment could feel like home, like she could belong there. She had seen small glimpses of it when he came over for her brother’s letters. Perhaps the house could be that lively all the time. She hoped it could.

A heavy silence then appeared between the two, causing Asagao’s head to turn towards Osu only for her eyes to widen at the sight before her.

Because for some reason, the scary port mafia executive, the demon prodigy, looked like the embodiment of a ghost, his skin sickly pale and unmoving as his eyes stared into what seemed like absolutely nothing at all. It was almost like the boy had ceased to function completely, his mind unable to process the offer that Asa had given him.

All at once, Asagao leaned forward in concern, her voice laced with anxiety and fear in order to try and snap him back out of whatever state she had put him in.

Oh no, what had she done? Did she offend him? “...Osamu?”

Yet, before she could process it, Dazai’s fingers had quickly found the edges of the blanket she was laying on and lifted them up in order for her entire body to flop around like fish as the boy beamed happily. “Alright, time for bed!”

Gasping out a squeak in surprise, she then felt her entire body start to get constricted by the blankets in order for Osu to comically roll her up until just her head and wiggling feet were showing. “Whaaa, wait Samu, what are you doing?!”

He only laughed though, picking up the poor wrapped girl before throwing her over his shoulder in order to move over to his bedroom with an over the top air. “I’m making an Asa-chan burrito so that way you can’t escape!”

Asagao then felt her entire body plop onto his bed in order for her to whine in disappointment. “But what about our sleepover? I worked so hard.”

Dazai only placed a finger to her nose though, stopping her self pity party with a teasing smirk. “But isn’t sleeping also a part of a sleepover?”

Nodding apprehensively, Asa frowned. “I guess..”

Reeling back in finality, the boy then clapped his hands goofily before already walking away, almost like he needed to leave this conversation sooner rather than later. “That settles it! Now come on, my drunk princess needs her beauty sleep or else she’s gonna regret it in the morning.”

But as she watched him go, Asa couldn’t help but call back in concern. “What about you, where are you going to sleep?”

She had taken up the entire bed after all, and Asagao didn’t want Dazai to have to sleep on the sofa or something uncomfortable like that. Hell, if she wasn’t tied up like the giant sushi then she would’ve offered to move.

Although that’s when Dazai paused, his overconfidence dropping for a millisecond in order to glance back at the girl with a more genuine, less happy smile. “Aww, don’t you worry, darling. I’m naturally beautiful. It would be impossible to lose my good looks.”

Then before she could argue, he was gone, leaving Asagao to slump against the pillows with a heavy sigh of defeat. He didn't answer her question, now and back under the fort. But what did that mean?

And why did he look so sad when he turned back to her?

------

Carefully closing the door to his bedroom, Dazai waited until he heard the soft click of confirmation before his happy go lucky and cheery exterior dropped away into nothing, leaving only a placid and sunken expression.

He had run away.

One push from Asagao and he had retreated into himself so quickly, it was almost like second nature. Her request to get closer to him, to have him rely on her past their original agreement, just what was she thinking?

Of course, he wanted that.

He wanted to have somewhere he could call a home, he so desperately wanted something to stop the crippling loneliness that he felt whenever he returned back to these sad and hollow walls and floors. He wanted it so badly that it physically hurt him to even think about it.

To have a family, to have a friend, to have something to hold onto when life abused him and kicked him down over and over again. He so desperately wanted someone to hear his cries and reach out their hand so that he could collapse safely and never leave again.

But, Dazai knew that he couldn’t, because he had already done so before.

And it had ruined him.

He had let his walls down around Odasaku, and for a split second, the boy thought that he could have those things too, but then they were taken from him. Just like that, in a blink of an eye, they were gone, leaving him in the dark once more.

What was the point of it all, why did he even do that? Why did he try? It’s not like it mattered in the end, if anything it made everything worse. Because now that he had gotten a taste of companionship, it was like a drug, never leaving him alone.

And Asagao was the worst kind of drug of all.

One that he couldn’t allow himself to indulge in, to addict himself so heavily like before. No, he had learned his lesson, he wouldn’t get his hopes up and destroy himself a second time.

Because it never changed anything, and Dazai knew in his sick little twisted brain that the moment he crumbled and closed their distance, she would be taken away from him as well.

No, he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t lose someone like that again.

That’s why it was better to never know what that warmth was, what that path felt like. Yes, it was better to never know then to find out and have it ripped away in the end.

Moving over to the large window by his living room, Dazai then leaned against the cool glass, allowing it to chill his entire soul.

It would be easier to just let her go completely, to cut ties with Oda’s sister before he was tempted with more.

But just the very thought caused his entire body to tense in response for even thinking about such a thing. No, he couldn’t. He couldn’t let her go, not when she was close to his dear friend, not when she had brought him so many wonderful things.

Even Dazai knew he wasn't that kind. He was far too selfish to give her that kind of mercy, to completely lose her in his life.

And though it was dangerous, though he realized he was walking an extremely thin line over a cavern-like pit, he couldn’t help still balance on it.

Standing still from the distance they had but never taking a step forward, that was the fate the boy that resisted himself to, and he was determined to keep it.

It didn’t matter if that result left him alone, it didn’t matter if twisted his heart and shoved his invisible needs down, it didn’t matter if that result left him screaming in the dark like he had always been, this was the only path for him now.

And he would walk it, simply because he had to.

Taking out his phone from his pocket, Dazai then pushed a very familiar button before he heard the singular ring inside his ear.

And then, after two little sounds, Ango’s voice picked up, just as panicked and anxious as he expected it to be. “Dazai? What is it?”

The mafioso only hummed though, his fingers trailing the glass in front of him. “Oh nothing, I just thought you’d be interested to know that I found our little lost princess.”

Almost immediately, the voice jumped up, the tone growing louder. “Wait, you did? Where is she? Tell me the address and I’ll come over right now..”

Although that’s when Dazai cut him off completely, a suppressed laugh inside his throat. “Oh, that won’t be necessary. You see, Ango. I’ve taken quite a liking to her. I think I’m gonna keep her.”

And from the other side of the phone, Ango felt his face drop. No, this was the worst result he couldn’t ever have imagined. “K-Keep? Dazai, you know you can’t do that. It’s too dangerous. What if Mori..”

Yet that’s when Dazai responded, his voice serious. “He won’t.”

Catching the agent completely off guard, Ango couldn’t help but twist his eyes in confusion. Where was that cruel teasing air he had been using? It had disappeared completely. “What?”

The bandaged boy only narrowed his eyes though, clutching the phone between his fingers before allowing his voice to ring with soft honesty. “Mori won’t find out about her. Odasaku wouldn’t have wanted that, so he won’t.”

And for a moment, Ango felt himself freeze. Was he saying that he was going to protect Asagao, that he was going to keep her safe from Mori and the port mafia? No, it couldn’t be. Dazai wasn’t that kind of man, well at least that’s what he thought.

It was surprising to say the least, suggesting such an out of character thing for him. Was it because of Odasaku, was that why he was going out of his comfort zone? Ango wasn’t completely sure but from his tone of voice it didn't seem like he was lying.

But with Dazai, he could never really tell.

Because of that, the man was still apprehensive. This was such a precious thing they were talking about, this was their friend's dear little sister. He couldn’t let up on such a thing. “I don’t know, I just don’t think that she should..”

Yet that’s when the boy cut him off again, a sharp threatening edge to his voice. “Ango, if you continue then you’ll be my enemy. You know what that means, right?”

And for the first time since their conversation, Ango felt his eyes widen.

Because he knew exactly what that meant, he knew the death sentence that was implied by being labeled the misfortune of the enemy of port mafia executive Dazai Osamu.

But could it really be true? Dazai was threatening war with the government just to keep her? He wanted to risk that much? Perhaps he was wrong, perhaps Asa did mean more to the boy than just a simple plaything.

Could it really be, had the brutal mafia executive finally grown a heart?

He couldn’t really tell for sure but the lethal threat was enough to make Ango close his eyes in unsaid defeat. If Dazai was really that serious about defending her then he knew he couldn’t argue.

But that didn’t mean he was going to let up if that changed. “You better keep your word, Dazai. If anything happens to her, just know Odasaku would never forgive you, and neither will I…”

And just like that, the line went dead, causing Dazai to drop the phone to his side in silent confirmation.

Ango didn’t need to worry about that. He would protect her, from Mori, from the world, but mostly from the most dangerous threat of all.

Himself.

---

(It's been a month since I've started this fic! Thank you so much for all your support and love on my first bsd story!)

I call this chapter "let Dazai be a kid" because in most fanfics I've read a lot of authors focus on either the "fifteen year old boy" aspect of Dazai or a "brutal executive" side of him and although none of them are wrong, in my mind I think he's really a mix of both. The line that Odasaku uses to describe him in the novels really inspired this chapter in order to show both sides of the complex boy. We see this in the expectations and the box that he tries to put himself into to seem more adult (the drinking, the pressure of seduction) but in reality it comes across from of a child playing dress up than the truth.

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qualfunodoinfvpn · 7 months ago

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is vpn safe for torrenting

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is vpn safe for torrenting

Seguridad de VPN para torrenting

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La protección de datos es un tema crucial en la era digital, especialmente para aquellos que utilizan VPN para torrenting. Cuando descargas archivos a través de torrents, tu dirección IP y tu actividad en línea quedan expuestas a posibles miradas indiscretas. Es por eso que es fundamental contar con una VPN confiable que ofrezca un alto nivel de protección de datos.

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Al descargar torrents en línea, es importante considerar medidas de seguridad para proteger tu identidad y privacidad. Una manera efectiva de mantener el anonimato al descargar torrents es utilizando una red privada virtual (VPN).

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