#derek shepherd could get hit by a semi again

[ineffablecabbage]

Watching episodes where Benton yells at people I don't particularly like is chef's kiss. Yes, baby, get him. Carter and I both approve.

Well, Carter's ... busy right now, but kick his ass.

[girl-of-many-fandoms]

can i pls request some jealous sex with derek shepherd??👀💕 thank u xx

Don’t

Pairing: Derek Shepherd x Reader

Warning: SMUTTY SMUT SMUT‼️ 18+ ONLY‼️ unprotected sex (WRAP IT BEFORE YOU TAP IT!) , jealous Derek, kitchen sex, nipple play (slight), cum play

MASTERLIST

-----

"Get back here!" the front door slammed shut behind your fuming boyfriend as you walked further into your apartment

"Go home Derek!" you spun around on your heels to face the fuming man across the room, finger pointing to the same door that he just entered through

"I've had enough of your shitty behaviour for one night"

"My shitty beha- you're pushing it"

Tonight you both attended a dinner with a few of your co-workers and Derek is so admant that you and his best friend Mark were flirting with each other, which brings you here in your living room

"You and Mark were practically fucking each other with your eyes tonight thinking that I didn't notice but I did!" your blood boiled even further as he continued to accuse you of something that he clearly made up in his head

"You know what, maybe I was fucking Mark in my head because CLEARLY I'm desperate for sex" Derek's face became more red with rage as you spoke

"You know what was going through my mind as he was talking to me, I thought about him shoving me up against the nearest wall and sticking his tongue down my throat while his hands groped my brests or ass" clenching his jaw he gripped onto the back rest of the sofa so hard until his knuckles turned white

"You're crossing a line" at this point you didn't care

"I wanted to know what it felt like to have Mark Sloan fuck me into oblivion, to fuck me so hard that I wouldn't be able to remember my own damn name while I cum all over his cock"

"That's enough" Derek stalked over to you but you held your ground still spewing all the vail things that he so obviously thought was happening in my head

"I wanted him to turn me into a moaning mess, to have me screaming out his name as I orgasm-" you were cut short by Derek's hand wrapping around your throat choking you lightly just how you like it. His once angry demeanor is now overtaken with lust

"I said that's. enough." his breath fanned against your flushed cheeks, you could feel the heat radiating off of his body as he forced you to look into his eyes. You cunt fluttered as he backed you up against the island top

"Let's put that mouth of yours to good use. On your knees" he released your throat and pushed you down to the floor. He quickly undid his pants and his semi-hard cock sprung free from their restraints. You took his cock into your plams, spreading the pre-cum on the head of his cock before spitting on it. Derek grabbed a fist full of your hair and pulled your head back

"No time for games" licking the prominent vein from the underside of his massive cock you couldn't help but smirk at the sounds that came from him and you're bearly even started

Opening your mouth you slowly went down on him, hollowing your cheeks as you sped up. The tip of his cock hit the back of your throat each time and it's time like this where you're thankfull that you don't have a gag reflex.

His grip on your hair tightened as he started taking control, bucking his hips fucking your mouth wildly. Your saliva coated the shaft of his cock and trickled down your chin, making a complete mess. Reaching up you palmed his balls earning a grunt of approval from the Derek. You felt his cock twitch before he shot his load down your throat. He pulled out and you swallowed every last drop, he hoisted you up and bent you over the kitchen counter, raising your dress to revel your bare ass

"No panties" spanking your ass he pressed his cock up against you thrusting between your ass cheeks. Derek raised your leg and placed it on the conter before stooping down to your soaking cunt

His broad tongue lick a broad stripe from your needy hole to your clit while index finger played with your opening before he stuck it in. His lips wrapped around your clit, sucking and licking turning you into a moaning mess

"Derek!" you fisted his curls pulling his face closer to your cunt, grinding down on his face as he hungrily ate you out in the middle of your kitchen

Moaning you gripped onto the cabinet handle tightly, knuckles turning white as you felt your first orgasm of the night build up. Derek sped up the pace, fingertips brushing against that specific spot inside of you. Your eyes folled to the back of your head as you clamped down on his digits as you came. He continued to lap at your juices, moaning at the taste of you on his tongue

He stood up and you were about to straighten up but he held you in place, turning your face to meet his. Lust blown eyes stared into yours briefly as he crashed his lips against yours. You could still taste yourself on his tongue as he explored your mouth. His hips rocked into yours and you moaned feeling his stiffened cock pressed firmly against your ass

Derek started trailing open mouth kisses along your jaw, neck and your exposed shoulder blades, lining himself up with your aching cunt. Digging his fingers into your hips he thrusted his cock into you not giving you any time to adjust before he was pounding into you like his life depended on it

"Fuck!" his cock streatched you out deliciously, the burn turned into pleasure in no time. He nipped at your earlobe, stuble grazing against your skin driving you insane. Derek pushed you flat against the countertop railing you at a better angle, cock hitting against your g-spot with each thrust

His groans became louder as your needy cunt fluttered around him each time he entered you. The sinful sounds of skin slapping against skin mixed with your moans and cries of pleasure echoed throughout your apartment. You were sure your neighbour was hearing eveything right now but you couldn't care less

Reaching behind you, you placed your hand on his abdomen in hopes of slowing his pace but he held your arm against your back, still brutally fucking into you

"Nuh uh, you wanted to be a brat, this is your punishment" your legs started turning into jello as another orgasm flodded your body, this time you felt a gush of hot liquid, smiling at the mess you made you rubbed circles onto your swollen clit as your arousal ran down your leg

"Shit" his hips started stuttering as his cock twitced inside of you, Derek emptied his seed deep inside of you before pulling out. You felt his sticky cum flow out of you and like the tease that you were you dipped you finger into your cunt before bring your fingers up to your lips, slowly sucking them clean

Straighten yourself Derek wasted no time in turning you around before hoisting you onto the counter. Shoving the skirt of your dress above your waist he thrusted into you again, cock still rock hard. He attacked your neck in kisses, teeth grazing against your flesh ever so often as he fucked into you. Derek pulled down the top of your dress exposing your breasts, he pinched your perky nipples and you could've cum right then and there again

"Mhmm Der-" running your hands through his long locks you dragged your nails against his scalp and he grunted in approval, slowing his pace a bit to take your right nipple into his mouth, sucking and flicking his tongue driving you closer to the edge

"You gonna cum again" you wanted too but you were sure that you couldn't. When he didn't get a response he started torturing your clit causing you to cry out

"I-I can't" vision blurry you held onto his forearm body quivering from all the pleasure that you were recieving. Derek spread your legs wider, pulling your hips closer to edge of the counter resuming his animalistic thrusts into your dripping cunt

"You can, one more time for me baby" your eyes were glued to where your bodies connected as felt your orgasm build up. He pressed your foreheads together as you both enjoyed the sight, sinful moans slipped past both your lips

His dick was drenched in your slick, dripping down his heavy balls and onto his trousers. The tip of his cock found that spot again causing your eyes to roll again, toes curling, legs shaking and you knew that it wasn't long before you came again

"Right there" you felt yourself let go and once again you squirted your juices all over him, you were sure you were seeing stars from the intensity of your orgasm. He helped you ride out your high, chasing his own release. With one last thrust into you he buried himself into your cunt, hot cum spilling into you

Taking his face in your hands you pulled him into a steamy kiss as he stayed buried inside of you. Pulling back slightly you couldn't help but release a breathless chuckle

"If this is the type of sex I get from getting you riled up I guess I'll have to do that more often" your voice was hoarse from all the screaming and moaning you did and he lightly thrusted into you and you groaned

"Don't"

[fandom-imagines-stories]

Time of Death

Dr. Derek Shepherd x Reader

Words: 1966

Summary: Receiving the news after coming out of a long surgery, Derek rushes to comfort his fiancé whose sister committed suicide.

Notes: I hope to write some fluffier McDreamy imagines and more for Grey’s Anatomy, but when I got this idea, I had to go with it. This is a very very dark story, so it will not be for everyone, but I really had an interesting time writing it. As always, I’d love to know your thoughts and if you guys are excited for more Grey’s Anatomy imagines. 

Warnings: Suicide, grief, guilt (This starts out fast so I’m putting the break at the beginning so if you don’t want to read, you don’t have to.)

-

You couldn’t hear them say it but you still heard it in your head. Time of death… You couldn’t even bring yourself to look at the clock. Time had stopped. Everything had stopped. As you looked down from the gallery, nobody in the O.R. seemed to be moving an inch. Until Dr. Bailey looked up at you. As soon as your eyes connected, everything started again but it started too fast. Your heart was beating too fast, your legs were moving too fast, the tears were coming too fast. 

Your sister was dead. She threw herself in front of oncoming traffic. Her body was so broken that even Bailey couldn’t put it back together. Your baby sister killed herself. 

Nurses and doctors alike watched you sprint by.  Fellow residents, interns, attendants, all of them watched you run like maniac through the halls of the surgical wing. Of course, you were careful not to be in anyone’s way, but you had to disappear. 

“What’s with Mrs. McDreamy?” Cristina asked George and Meridith quietly. 

“Her sister just died on the table.” Izzy sighed, having been with you in the gallery. She looked at the floor. “Jumped in front of a car.” The other interns’ eyes widened. 

“She killed herself?” Meredith whispered, her gaze following your running form down the hall. “Has anybody told…”

“He’s been in surgery for hours.” Cristina shook her head. “I doubt he even knows she was admitted.” 

“Should someone page him? Should someone go get Y/N?” George wondered but nobody moved. They all just looked at each other. Cristina crossed her arms. 

“I’ll go. Somebody has to go tell Dr. Shepherd that his future sister in law turned herself into roadkill.” 

“No.” Meredith blurted. Cristina’s bluntness was the last thing anyone needed right now. “I’ll tell him.” Meredith and Derek were at least friends. He needed to hear this from a friend. 

-

Derek smiled as the water ran over his hands. After several long hours, the surgery was a success. The 18-year-old girl was going to be okay. Thanks to him. Another life saved. His smile grew when Meredith stepped into the room. 

“Dr. Grey, you missed a pretty amazing surgery.” He beamed. Something about her face was off. 

“I’m sure you did very well Dr. Shepherd.” She wasn’t looking at him. 

“Meredith what is it?” He dried his hands quickly and followed her out into the hall. Her expression made that cocky smile of his fall. “Meredith?”

“A Cierra Y/L/N was admitted about when you started your surgery.”

“Y/N’s sister?”

“Yes.” She took a deep breath. “It seems that she ran in front of a semi truck. Dr. Bailey did everything she could but… she’s dead, Derek.” 

“Cierra… killed herself?” Derek ran a hand down his face. “Does anyone know why? Are they sure that’s what happened? Does Y/N know?”

“We all saw her run down the hallway, so I’d say she knows.” 

“Do you know where she went?” He exclaimed, raising his voice. He didn’t have time for the doe-eyed confusion. He needed to know where you were. Meredith just shook her head. He calmed down enough so he wouldn’t yell. “Thank you for getting me.”

He took off, scanning the hall for any sign of his fiance. As he hurried past doctors and patients, he thought of Cierra. He’d never even met her. Sure, you had mentioned that you had a younger sister, but you didn’t say much other than that. But suicide? It was how you lost your mom when you were in medical school. This was going to hit hard and he needed to make sure there would be pieces of you left. 

“Dr. Shepherd!” A voice called out behind him. He reluctantly stopped his pursuit to turn to Dr. Bailey. She gave him a sad, grim look. “We did everything we could, but the extent of her injuries… I’m sorry there wasn’t more I could do.” 

“Have you seen Y/N?” 

“Since she couldn’t operate with us, she stayed and watched from the gallery.” She sighed. She paused for a second before putting a hand on his shoulder. “I think I know where she might have gone.” 

Bailey had found you there once before. You’d lost a patient and needed a quiet place to be alone. If there was ever a time you needed a quiet place to go, it’d be now. She brought Derek to a closet on the fourth floor. It was mostly filled with extra linens and paper and such so it wasn’t used often. Bailey knocked on the door, but received no response. Slowly, she opened the door. 

“Dr. Shepherd?” She called out into the dark storage room. With still no response, she let Derek pass her. 

“Y/N? Honey, I know you’re in here.” His eyes adjusted and he could see a form standing behind one of the shelves in the corner. He exchanged a look with Bailey. She nodded in understanding. 

“I’ll go tell the chief. You’ll probably want to be heading home.” As she turned to leave, Derek put a hand on her shoulder. 

“Thank you, Miranda.” 

The chief resident quietly closed the door behind her and Derek walked further into the closet. The closet may have been small, but you felt far away. Hearing the sound of him approaching, you turned your head. 

“Cierra is… she’s- they said that she-” Every time you tried to finish the sentence, your mouth stopped. Like your body was trying to deny what your mind clearly knew. Derek tentatively put his hands on your shoulders. When did he get in front of you? 

“I know.” 

He pulled you to his chest and you tried not to push away. You wanted to. You wanted to run again. But his arms wouldn’t let you. He kept you from drifting away. 

-

Chief Webber had all of your surgeries for the next few days rescheduled or taken over by Dr. Bailey. Derek rescheduled the ones that he could, but some of his surgeries were on a time crunch. After he drove you home, he was paged back to the hospital for an emergency. He told you what it was, but you couldn’t remember. 

You didn’t even remember the drive home. You remembered the bloody surgical tools and the machines and the clock, but it didn’t have any numbers on it. You remembered running in the halls and Derek finding you in the closet. Now you were home. Now you were alone. Alone with the knowledge that you killed your little sister. 

Your brain started a single train of thought. You moved slowly, every motion draining more and more energy out of you, but you still made your way to your closet and found your suitcase. You couldn’t put this much pain, this much baggage on someone with a heart like his. To you, this was mercy. 

-

When Derek finally returned home, not a single light in the house was on. His shoulders were weighed down as he tossed his keys on the counter. The surgery was a success, but he didn’t feel that usual rush of adrenaline that came from saving a life. He just wanted to get back to you. 

He was about to call out for you when he saw something catch the light. Sitting on the kitchen table was your engagement ring. 

“Y/N!” He called out, tucking the band into his pocket and ascending the stairs two at a time. He burst into the bedroom and found your suitcase sitting on the bed, clothes hurriedly piled inside. “Y/N!” 

Light pooled into the room from underneath the bathroom door and was sure he could hear something inside. Derek knocked lightly before slowly cracking the door open. 

“Y/N?” His voice was quieter now but still held the same amount of urgency. You just whimpered in response. He opened the door fully, finding you sitting on the bathroom floor having thrown up any meals you had that day. 

“It’s my fault, Derek.” You cried, your voice so low he could barely hear you. “Cierra killed herself because of me. I can’t force you to live with that too.” You pulled your knees up to your chest. 

“Honey…” Derek sat beside you, putting on a hand on your cheek to make you look at him. “Cierra was sick. She’d been sick for a really long time.”

“She was sick because I left her.” You spat, jerking away. “I abandoned her when I moved here for my residency. I knew what she was going through, stuck living with my dad, and I went off to medical school anyway.”

“Deciding to make a life for yourself and to help save lives was not abandoning her.” He took your hand in his and this time, you didn’t pull away. “Y/N, you called Cierra every chance that you got. As far as you knew, she was getting help in San Diego. She told you she was getting better. You couldn’t have known how bad it had gotten.” 

“Then why did she come here, Derek?” You felt that sick feeling in your stomach turning and twisting again. “Why drive up to Seattle and jump into oncoming traffic close enough to be taken to Seattle Grace unless she blamed me?” 

Derek was quiet for a moment. Your body was still shaking from both sobs and from getting sick and you looked desperate for answers that he couldn’t give. 

“Maybe she wanted to see you one last time. This was her way of doing that.” 

It may not have been the answer you wanted to hear, but it was enough to get you to calm down. Derek shifted so that you were sitting in front of him, his hands rubbing soothing circles on your arms from behind. He gently kissed the top of your head and pulled your ring out of his pocket. 

“As for this…” He held the band out in front of you. You just stared at it, laying your head back against his shoulder. 

“I was leaving.” You were half packed before your body ached so much it made you sick. 

“I noticed that.” Derek blew out a long breath. “You said you ‘couldn’t force me to live with that’. Is that how you think? That leaving will spare me of your faults?” 

“I didn’t think that you…” You sighed, trying to collect your reasoning into words. You spun around so you were facing him, holding his hands in your lap. “Derek, you love saving lives. You walk into life ready to save someone else’s. I couldn’t make you look at me everyday knowing that I was responsible for Cierra’s death.” 

Derek lifted your hands up to his chest and laid them flat over his heart. 

“This day- this tragedy- does not define who you are. You are still the beautiful, talented, brilliant surgeon that I fell in love with. The one I asked to marry me. You will still be that woman tomorrow and the next day and the one after that. And if you ever need reminding I will ask you to marry me every single day until we walk down that aisle together because I’m not backing out. Better or worse.” His gaze searched yours for a reaction. “Okay?” 

All you could do was nod and lean back into his embrace. You stayed there on the bathroom floor, his legs on either side of you and your head tilted back against his chest. While Derek’s words didn’t erase everything from that day, they helped to take even just a little of the weight off of your heart. It was enough, at least for now and so you slipped your ring back onto your finger and fell asleep in his arms.

-

General Tag: @rae-gar-targaryen; @takemepedropascal; @childhood-imagination;  @mylovegoesto; @yellowbadgergirl; @itmejado; @suckmyapplejacks

[bobbiejelly]

Peace of My Heart

  Addison swears Callie to secrecy, she reveals her long-lasted lesbian affair with Meredith Grey to encourage her friend to finally come out of the closet. MerAdd. Callica to Calzona. Rated M.

Set in GA Season 4, Episode 13, "Piece of My Heart."

Ps. There’s an obvious allusion to the GA premiere here, ten points for whoever comments it. :)

 “Callie, are you speaking the  Vagina Monologues”  Addison teases her as she crunches her potato chips into her mouth, one by one, one by one. And she waits for it all to sink in for Callie.

 And Callie freaks out at her a little and tells her that clearly she’s been living in L.A way too long -  way too long - if she thinks that Calliope Torres has suddenly switched sides to be a lesbian. 

 Callie begs her to please explain to her what she means when she advocates “I’m all for it, I mean, I think it’s fantastic.” Addison explains to her without any hesitation or reservations.

 “Well, I just mean that I admit that there is that a peace of my heart will always lie with women and that they bring me something that men cannot” Addison states were really so simple.

 “Since when have you  ‘spoken the Vagina Monologues’ if that’s apparently what you call it” Callie exclaims to her incredulously as if her best friend had been keeping secrets from her. 

 “Ahem, last time I’ve spoken them would have been at let’s say ten-thirty this morning,” Addison says with a shrug. Addison explains it all to her as she’s sipping at her juice box. 

 Off Callie’s stunned look she explains that she didn’t tell her because one doesn’t generally announce they’re having affairs with their ex-husband’s girlfriend even with their best friends. 

 She swears Callie to secrecy before she whispers about her seven moments of heaven in lesbian land. Seven of her deepest indulgences with lady-lover of hers, Doctor Meredith Grey.

 7

 “See the first time anything at all happened between us, we were both extremely emotional. We had a difficult case and there was this baby who didn’t make it and I was crying the way I do when a child dies. And I was lonely, and she was there. So I just let her be there for me. 

 And she held me close and she told me “I’m sorry” and she was saying all of these perfect things. Like how I was a good surgeon and how I would have made a really great wife had Derek not been so absent and I just needed to feel something. So I let her sit next to me. 

 So when she pressed her lips to mine I didn’t pull away and I let myself kiss her back. I let the curves of her lips hit mine and her soft breaths fall on my own. And I let her move our mouths together oh, so gently. Like it was only a dream. And she was only a dream. I was dreaming.

And I said to myself that me and Derek, we’re even now because Derek hid me from her and I hid Mark from Derek so we’re even now and I felt better. Like I was getting even or getting back at him for something and she agreed. So I thanked her as she ran her fingers through my hair. 

 And I don’t remember saying much else because before I could say anything or before she could say anything to me I had fallen asleep. And before I knew it, it was already morning. And I thought she would still be there next to me. I think she was but she left right before I woke up.

 And for some inexplicable reason, I wished that she’d stayed lying in bed next to me. I missed the warmth of her body, yet the coolness of her touch. I missed the way she smelled like lavender on the top of her head. And I missed that she was so much gentler than Derek was.

 6

 So then I thought that it would be awkward to work with her again after that but it wasn’t. She pretended like nothing had ever happened between us so I pretended too and we never ever talked about it ever again. And she never told word to Derek and neither did I. Or anyone else.

 So when she’s extremely mad at me because of some reason, for Derek, or for surgery or for disagreeing with her guess at a course of treatment then she just starts mouthing off to me. She’s making me angry and poking fun at my ponytail and the whole thing is outrageous.

 So when I pull her aside to talk so we’re not screaming at each other in front of the whole hospital I’m least of all expecting to be thrown against the back of the door and to be bitten on the neck. And then she bites me again before Meredith soothes the bites over with her tongue.

 And then she kisses me all rough and dirty and I’ve just been so damn lonely with Derek never being home that I let her. I let her press me against the wall and to gloss her hands over my breasts because when she gropes them I can’t contain the moans that come out of my mouth.

 So she kisses me all hot and naughty and she’s just such a little flirtatious tease that she keeps tugging up on my t-shirt but she never ever removes it. She never takes it any further, never reaches her hands under my shirt or into my pants. So I just moan as she kisses me rough.

 And she pushes me harder and harder against the wall as she kisses me and opens my mouth so she can slide her tongue in over my lips. And it feels so good that I let her keep going until she’s tonguing me and kissing my lips and my mouth and my jaw and my neck and my ears.

 5

 And then I thought that we’d gotten it all out of our systems because I hardly heard from her at all for the longest while. She hadn’t called me or paged me at weird hours or shouted at me or found me crying at odd hours of the day or the night or in the morning or afternoon or evening.

 So I thought we were in the clear from all of this outrageous semi-lesbianic-kissing business but then that day she was ecstatic about the whole not dying during a freaking bomb exploding when she was holding the damn thing in her hand for literally hours. So I couldn’t say no to her.

 So she dragged me into an on-call room and she shoved me onto a bed. She takes off my top and my bra before she sits right down on my lap and weaves her hands through my hair. Then she sticks her tongue down my throat and dominates my mouth with her teeth and lips.

 Then she gropes all over my breasts till I’m panting and she’s panting and her hand is on my cheek. And she watches me and smirks when she has to cover my mouth when I yell out. Because when she puts her lips to my nipples and suckles them I want to yell. And scream.

 And when she takes off her shirt and asks me to do the same to her, I do. I take off her bra and I put her breasts in my mouth and I swirl my tongue around them like she did. And I’d never done that before. I’d never been with a woman that I remembered. Not when I saw sober at least.

 And the kissing and the touching isn’t all that different when it comes to both men and women. Except women kiss softer than men do and their lips are smaller and there’s no rough stubble or facial hair. And it feels so good to keep kissing Meredith because she moans as loud as I do.

 4

 During the hospital prom, Meredith was with Finn and I was with Derek. And I saw him waiting and watching her come down the stairs. And while I knew he was waiting and watching, I was also waiting and watching her. I waited for her to come down those stairs just like my husband. 

 And I was watching her because before she came down those stairs and before she had put on all of that makeup and before she had clasped that necklace to her neck she had been with me. She had been taking off my clothes until all I had left on were my scrubs pants. And so did she. 

 So we kissed in the same exam room that Derek and Meredith eventually ran away too. I knew about that by the way, I knew about it even before you knew. I knew because she told me about it. How it was her quest to sleep with not only one, but two Doctor Shepherd’s the night of prom.

 And maybe I should have told her then that she was insane. Maybe I should have said that I wasn’t a toy she could just screw with for fun and pretend like she wasn’t seeing Finn and I wasn’t still married to Derek. I should have maybe said those things to her, but I didn’t at all. 

 Instead, I let her kiss me till I submitted to her will. I let her carry me over to the bed and set me down gently. I let her crawl into my lap before she straddled me in between my legs. I let her dominate our kisses and feel the head warm up in my thighs. And so we made out a lot, then.

And she suckled my breasts again as I did the same to her back. Only this time we were both lying down. Only this time she was grinding her hips into my thighs. Only this time she was feeling the inside of my hip. Only this time she made us come in our scrub pants in ecstasy.

 3 

 The first time she had me naked was after my divorce had been finalized. I went and found her before Mark Sloan could get to me when he came to Seattle. This time it was me who dragged her into that supply closet and it was me who was scribbling down an address and a time for us.

 So she shows up at my hotel room with a bottle of tequila in her hand and I don’t even open it after she opens the door. She sets it down gently before pushing me back on the hotel bed and she rips all my clothes off before I take off hers. She kissed me so softly I thought I would die.

 And then she let me carry her into bed before flipping us right away and ravaging all of my senses. She knew exactly what she was doing like she had done this countless times before. She warmed me right up and made me all hot and bothered. Then she teased me so, so hard.

 She tickled toes and she kissed my ankles and my calves. She moved on to my thighs which she sucked on. She’d plant open-mouthed kisses all the way over my stomach. She licked her way past my breasts and she blew hot air on my chest. She had me wait for her more touch.

 Then she teased her fingers around me, at my center at my core. And she licked them and tasted me on them. And then she stuck them inside of me again but just once. And she offered them to me so I could taste myself off her fingers. I nibbled her index and I suckled her ring. 

 Then she plunged right back into me, deep in my depths. She worships my white-hot core as she fingers me. She moves in and out at will and increases her pace. And she looks into my eyes before she plunges in with her tongue. And she hits my clit next and I knew was a goner.

 2

 The first time I ever did her was after her own mother had just died and she nearly drowned two times in less than twenty-four hours. She was so sad and broken and needed to heal her small body for days. When I thought she may never wake up I was so scared and alone. She lived.

 And I was so happy I stayed at her bedside even after Derek had long since walked away. And I slept by her side when the nurses weren’t looking and I made lame excuses to bring her meals to nourish her soul and her heart. She was on the mend so I wasn’t so scared or alone anymore. 

 And she asked me to stay at her house when she finally went home. And I couldn’t resist this chance. I had to make her happy. So I stayed with her and I held her close. I rocked her to sleep every night and reassured her after nightmares. When Derek asked we said it was a girls thing. 

 We stayed celibate for a while. We kissed a bit and that’s it. I didn’t want to push her to be physical with me until she was ready to be. She could hardly sit up on her own at first. Slowly and surely she could stand. Eventually, she went back to work. We went on with our lives.

 And then one night when she was feeling stronger she started to stroke my back. And she started to stroke my neck. And she started to turn my head around. And then she started to kiss me again. She wanted to give sex to me then but she wasn’t strong enough yet, she just wasn’t.

 So I gave sex to her for the first time that night. We had been watching a movie in bed but we ended up talking. And the talking leads to touching. And the touching leads to sex. And then there ain’t no mystery left about what I wanted next. So I plunged my hand in and licked my lips. I dived in.

 1

 When I went to LA and back for the week that first time I didn’t tell her I was leaving and I didn’t tell her I was coming back. When I found out I was practically infertile I wished she was there to comfort me. I wanted her to hold me in her arms like she did the first time we kissed, so much. 

 When I came back I was still devastated and she found me alone. She wasn’t supposed to be in the Attendings lounge but I welcomed her right into my arms. And I collapsed into her as I cried. And she never let go of me, not once the whole time. As we camped out in the lounge that night.

 And she made sweet love to me the next morning before rounds. We did it all hot and naughty on one of the couches before anyone would bother to make coffee. She had to hold her hand over my mouth so I couldn’t cry out to high heavens when I came. As I came into her like a train. 

 And I made sweet love to her later that day around the hospital. We’d sneak in a kiss here or there. We’d touch each other for only minutes at a time before breaking it off. We were being riskier about it because we liked the thrill of it all. I never felt like that about affairs before. 

 And I thought it was going to be endless except for my job in LA. I told myself it was better. That she could be with Derek again without having me to worry about on the side. That I could go find someone to love me fully. That I could forget. She could forget. Forget each other for once.

 The last time we slept together before I left was the day of Burke’s wedding. I was the reason she said “It’s over, it’s SO over” to Derek. She was going to try to have a relationship with me. And she said that to me before she knew I was going to leave. She asked me to stay. But I left.

 0

 And at around ten o’clock this morning we hadn’t seen each other in ages. And I pretended to be a little afraid of seeing her. Because I was afraid of seeing her with Derek. But not because I was afraid of him I was afraid that he’d already found out, that she’d said. Or that he’d know. 

 But Meredith never told him. She never talked to him about me. He never talked to her about me either. So our secret was safe. And our secret was still our secret. It took all of ten minutes before Meredith started sneaking us off together. She told sweet little lies to Doctors, to Derek.

 And she didn’t regret it one little bit because she missed me, she missed me so much. And I missed her more than she could ever, ever know. So she drove me back to Derek’s trailer in the middle of the day and I took out his spare keys that I knew he had hidden behind the flower pot.

 And we christened every inch of that trailer while Derek was still in surgery. We worked fast and ruthlessly to give each other as much pleasure as we could. She went down on me at least eighteen times. I tried to keep up but I hardly made it past double digits. Enough for her, for me.

 And the day has been going on like this. She’ll probably page me sometime soon so you know. She’ll take me soon, somewhere in this hospital. We know Seattle Grace’s all sex and caring. She’ll take me under the stairwell, on top of the bridge if she has to. I sure hope she does.

 She asked me to stay, but I’m leaving. I’m leaving Seattle for LA again. I’m leaving alone. And I know that she’s heartbroken. And I know that I’m heartbroken. But I know it’s for the best for us. Because as much as I love her, more than she loves me, it’s not enough. I’m not enough for her. 

  Callie considers all of the wonderful and wild tales of desire Addison has confided in her. 

 She comforts the woman who’s so sad she’s in tears now. She’s shaking and Callie holds her.

 Callie tells her it sounds wonderful, not the cheating and lies. But the love part. The lesbian part.

She says that she’ll keep Addison’s new adultery habit a secret -She owes her for Derek still.

And about speaking the vagina monologues with Erica Hahn? Callie says she’ll think about it.

 Callie texts Addison exactly three weeks later once her and Erica Hahn finally get together 

 They both hook it up after the elevator incident. And the lobby kiss incident. And all the dating. 

 “Ok, I understand what you mean about how women are great in bed” Callie admits sheepishly.

 “See I knew I could corrupt you to the dark side! Addison exclaims” with an explicit emoji.

 “Yada yada yada piece of my heart I know your whole speech” Callie concedes to her.

 “It’s that a peace of my heart will always lie with only the woman, forever. 

 Addison states this as if it were the most inconsequential and simple thing in the world.

 “I think you mean 'piece of my heart', you know like the song” Callie furrows her brow at her.

 “Well, I did mean  ‘peace’  of my heart. I find it quite peaceful to have women beside me in bed” 

 “Addison I think you really care for this Grey girl you know” Callie suspects. “I think you love her”

 “I do. I think I do love her. And I think she loves me. Someday we’ll get it right” Addison sighs. 

 “I really hope you do” Callie wishes her good luck. “If you love her don’t let her go,” she says. 

  And we all know that that never worked out in the end. Hahn saw all the leaves then she left.

  And Callie was heartbroken and bruised for a long while. Friends helped her heal and be whole.

  And Callie was destined to have one great love of her life and she hadn’t even met   her   yet.

  When she finally did, I delivered their baby and brought Callie back into the world for Arizona.

 Later on that evening, Addison’s only been gone one day away from Meredith Grey now but she’s already up on the internet looking up the cheapest fares for her next flight out to Seattle. 

 She hesitates over it for ages because she’s not sure if Meredith had moved on, or if she’d gone back to McDreamy. Or if she’d ever cared about Addison as much as Addison cared for her. 

 She knows that she’s absolutely insane but this girl drives her crazy and all she wants is more.

 Meredith Grey may take her through the wringer of every emotion under the sun, but boy is it the best once they’re together in bed. And once they stay there, just cuddling or napping together.

 For all the emotions she’s instilled and played on in Addison Montgomery’s life, by far, the most common one was pleasure, joy, fun, and pure happiness. And happiness is worth fighting for. 

 And so she books a ticket on the next flight out back to Seattle, sky-high prices be damned. 

 She calls Meredith to let her know she’s coming back just for her. Addison tells Meredith that she’s loved her. That she loves her. And Meredith cries and tells Addison she loves her back. 

 She thinks of all the ways and the reasons she might regret this in the morning. All the Derek and Mark and George and Finn and Alex and Pete shaped reasons this might be a bad idea.

  But once Addison’s made peace with that one decision, she’d have to be in love with the rest.

  *

*

 * FIN

Read the complete story here:

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