#depressionstory

[luciadiosa]

Oh group therapy 25.3.2021:

it was a real hard week since last time.

I had to make really hard and tough desicions and i have to in future. Some burden with many diffrent new things to deal with.

i am so angry about my husband and his parents and i still will be angry. but problems have to be solved. finding the balance in it.

but i was told that i was brave and they really love how I set my boundaries and still stand up for them and my decisions. and yes i am proud about myself. making no emotional but rational desicion.

maybe the therapy works. and i am glad. hoping I would sleep more and drink/smoke less in the near future.

ps.: Some good sentence of my psychist: everyone is the bad guy once in a life time

[justdrakeisfine-blog]

Depression

I wrote this story not to long ago, I don’t care if people see it for not, but it’s here.

I feel alone. A feeling I have much too often. The feeling of wanting someone to love you who isn’t morally obliged to. Wanting someone you can have a loving bond with, the likes of which only happen once in a lifetime. I just want to cry, get the emotions out, but I can’t. All the bottled emotions that need to be released, just won’t come out. So I cry, I cry until I stop. But nothing changes, feelings still there. Voices still there. I’m angry all the time, I’m sad all the time. Maybe It’ll go away if I talk to my friends. But I’m too afraid to speak my mind. I’ve been alone the majority of my life, sometimes I like it like that. Secluded by myself, lock myself in my room and never leave. Except for the voice in my head, roaming around, circling around the most sensitive part, whispering. “That oven looks like a good spot for your hands”. My Mom left me, taking my brother with her. My Dad thinks depression is my excuse. My excuse to be lazy, my excuse to not go out. He doesn’t understand what war is raging in my head. He doesn’t understand my mind, the chasms deep like mines, the minerals being repressed thoughts, and the miners packing them tight, not collecting them. I have the few friends who understand. I’m too scared to speak my fucking mind. But most others say, “Shrug it off” “You’re just bummed out” “Get over it”. They don’t UNDERSTAND. They will never understand. The conversations always go better in my head. I can’t release my feelings onto other people, all they’ll say is, “That really sucks, man”.The feeling in me will make the normal person’s head fill with pain, sadness, just fucking sadness. They won’t know what to do with it, shrug it off, forget about it, forget about me. Sometimes when I’m driving to work, I want to drive off into the canyon. “You should”. No. Get out of my fucking head. I know I’ll be missed, I know it. People love me, right? “Hurt yourself then, nobody will notice. Just cut off a finger, maybe”. STOP IT. I just want to cry, but I just can’t. Pushing back my emotions for so long has made me unable to. I just want it... to come out. Everything I’m doing is just hurting me and my life. The thoughts roaming in my fucking head. I’m too scared to speak my mind, he pulls me away. I pull me away. He’ll push me over the edge of what’s left in my head. I’ll push me over the edge of what’s left in my head. Something will break in my mind, my heart. Shattering all my good feelings away, igniting a flame that burns, until I fade away into nothing. Until he pushes me over a real edge. The voice in my head is me. So it will ever go away, because the voice in my head is me. With a fucking smile on his face as I’m writing this. Satisfied with what he’s done so far. “Just you wait, we’re just getting started”...

[katherinereid27]

My New Story on Wattpad, ‘In the Face of Death’

Hey everyone! Katie here :)

I just wanted to announce that I have created a new story on Wattpad! I worked really hard on this story and it would mean the world to me if you could give it a read. My profile is katherinereid27

The story is called ‘In the Face of Death,’ which describes the life of Perry Woods and how she battles her life with depression, and suicidal thoughts.

I display an important message on suicide on it and I hope that it will change the way people view depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts, and more. That is the goal.

Anyways, I hope you check it out!

‘In the Face of Death’ Link 👇

https://my.w.tt/Lp5iHs8Q30

[tsilehncblr-blog]

Why and how I stopped self-harming.

I was 12 years old when I first laid the blade against my skin. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. It was just little scratches at first, and I only did them when I believed I deserved them. 

But as time passes the scars multiplies and got deeper and deeper every day. They slowly took over my arms and my legs to the point where I can no longer make excuses about my scars. 

I began wearing bracelets. A ton of them. I refused to take off my jumper despite it being at least 23 degrees. I constantly sat on my hands so my sleeves wouldn’t roll up to prevent people from asking why I had so many bracelets.

Nobody knew about the scars. Nobody ever found out because I didn't tell anyone. My best friend knew I was cutting. But she never knew how bad it was.

I continued cutting until I was 14. I did them mostly on my legs because they were easier to hide, and I hated my legs.   

One day, I finished taking a shower. I take off all my bracelets when I showered because despite covering up my scars, I actually liked them. I went downstairs to get something to drink, unaware that my dad was already home from work, and he, of course, walked in on me getting a drink. He sat down and started boiling water for his coffee and looks at me. Now, bear in mind that I took off my bracelets at this time. I didn't realise that my sleeve slightly pulled up and showed a couple of scars. 

He called me to come over in a way that made my hair stand up. I thought I was in trouble because I didn’t clean my room or something. So I come over at him and he grabbed my arm and pulled up my sleeve. It was at that moment that I knew he realised. I felt guilty. I didn't know why. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I couldn't look him in the eye. I thought he was gonna scream at me, but instead, I heard his voice crack. I felt his hand tremble and his grip tightened. I looked to see my 41-year-old father with tears in his eyes. In my 14 years of life, I have never seen him cry in person. I’ve always seen him as someone who was tough and never cried, but he’s right here in front of me crying. And it broke my heart.

He asked me questions and told me things but I don't want to put them down here. I think you guys would’ve already figured out what he asked anyway. 

It made me realise how truly selfish I was and how stubborn and how much I denied help. I was only ever focused on the negative side and only thought of myself. I gave up too quickly and put myself down too early. I never realised that there are people who care for me, who love me and would break down when they see me hurt or sad. And God knows what will happen to them when I disappear. I realised that I never thought about how those people who loved me would feel when one day they find me gone. I failed to see that I matter to so much more people than I ever knew.

If you are suffering to depression, remember that there are so many people who care so much about you. Don’t try to avoid them. Don’t deny help. Don’t be selfish about it, because, yes, you might be hurting now, and yes I know it’s hard and painful. But think about those people who are still there for you. The ones who love you. How do you think they would feel when you’re gone? 

I am now 2 years clean. Some of the deeper scars stayed, but scars eventually go away, and with the extra help of scar creams they do disappear. Don’t forget to realise that there are so much more people who care about you than you thought, and that includes me. I may not know you, and you may not know me, but I just want you to know that I love you, and you truly matter. 

[depressionstory-blog]

What is depression

depression… depression… depression.. 

its hard to actually explain it. 

its a feeling, that you felt, probably most of the time. 

human have it. whether if they want it.. or not. 

as for me, it became the life it self. 

i have no idea of what should i do. what can i do. what i could do. 

this depression, is killing me. 

wholly. 

[justifiedmadness]

Prayers up for Tamar Braxton. I just read that she's been hospitalized after a suicide attempt. Reminder plz check on your loved ones, depression is real. #DepressionStories #MentalHealthAwareness https://www.instagram.com/p/CCv-02jlByc/?igshid=l7x0pvp26u6f

[sheisamadcap]

In the Gray : Mute Screams

Part 2

Its been too long since I last blogged. Many things have changed, luckily I became happier because of my man and my sister's children, they are undeniable blessings.

But somehow, somewhere, there is still that void. I know its there, I feel it. So here goes nothing:

I want to tell someone. I want to shout at everyone. I want to show how trapped I am in the life that I mindlessly chose.

I’m sure I’m not the only one having their hell loop on earth, certain there are people like me—people who endure. In fact, there are people who successfully survived this and are killing it out there. That, I know, is supposed to make me feel a bit better. Still, this ability to commiserate on how we humans exist and coexist, how we act, react and overreact in what life throws at us, the mature awareness—is what making this hard. I sometimes wish I was oblivious on these things, or can I try to be a little insensitive?

Maybe that’s why I now like getting drunk when I learned how to. The numbness the alcohol kicks in incredibly shrinks the damn out of the vulnerability to these strong, trespassing emotions. Quite a sure but costly and deadly escape from reality.

Maybe that’s why I now like to sleep more, not out of a peaceful mind settling to the night but out of a desperate call for a quick shut down to everything.

Maybe that’s why I am now unproductive at what I do. Every day is a constant struggle between me and everything inside that wants all of this to change.

With all of these accusations pointing out to the shackles, I feel so left out. What is making it worse is the truth that I never looked at anyone in competition; I never compared my life to anyone else’s. My own clock is the one ringing in my head, telling me that I am wasting years of my life now and that I am running way behind.

No, not on material things. The job pays well. I have a house I do not rent. I have a car. I can earn and save for anything I want.

I am behind on the real things. The sentimental, somehow altruistic, and hopefully transcendental—contentment in life.

I long for purpose in what I do. I long for meaning.

Yet I don’t know how, I don’t know how to start. I don’t know WHEN and WHERE to start. Or do I? Do I really need a change? Is this just a millennial justification of discontentment and impatience the older generations accuse us of? Or maybe I am on the right track and just have to stay still?

This confession is not new, a young professional in the corporate world getting tired of how things are and wants change. That is practically how one defines quarter life crisis these days.

Why do you think I’m able to write this if I am?

Nonetheless, and cliché as this seems, the emptying feeling is slowly starting to drain the life out of me, bringing out the weak and the mean in me. IT JUST HAS TO STOP.

[denvercounselingsolutions]

[mallorydublin]

cutting ties with depression

cutting ties with depression

Cutting ties with depression is very different and unique to each person who experiences it. Some never claim defeat over depression and live with it forever. In sharing my own experience , I would like to express my mindfulness in knowing some experience greater difficulties without support while enduring depression. My journey was difficult for me and I am mindful other’s journeys are as well.…

[luciadiosa]

Group Therapy 29.04.2021:

at this day we were just 4 of 6. we all 4 were and are just tired. tiered of corona, tired of the world. tired of work and thoughts.

we all just wanted sleep, so we didn't talk very much on that day. and that is okay.

you know what? it is ok to go not to walk and call sick if you tired an couldn't sleep. it just have to be not often. of you often call sick because you tired you need help. maybe you are sick or have a very big depression and need help too.

I can count my days I didn't go to work because of tireness and my depression. and that is okay. noone thank you if you work till you are burned out.

oh and let me tell you, i often said to my husband I go to work. i wait till he left for work anf go back to bed. because i am worried what he would say bacuse i think i am not really sick just very tired....

Second thought of that therapy:

people who are talk very much and quiet people sometimes need the othernone.

[im-trying-to-try]

The Girl Afraid of Love - Introduction (on Wattpad) http://my.w.tt/UiNb/A7Dod58ZZz Cassie Green- a broken girl who doesn't believe in love because of traumatic events that took place when she was just four Jace Withers- a baseball player who doesn't tolerate anyone but his sister and his teamates When these two collide in the hallway fate begin to take its course and bring these two together and multiple ways

[pippiessweathogs]

Welcome Back Kotter fanfiction: Epstein’s Depression Story chapter nine

Chapter nine

Epstein was one of the first to enter the room for group therapy. He greeted Doctor Martin before walking to the refreshment table. He grabbed a cup of coffee and watched as the other group members started entering the room. Everyone took to their seats and the session began.

               Doctor Martin started by greeting everyone. He then asked the group if any of them wanted to be first to share. He looked at Epstein to see if he would volunteer. Epstein cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter in his seat.

               “Well I did say last time I still had a lot to share. Probably best that I get it out while it’s on my mind.” He looked at Doctor Martin and then at the other group members. “I supposed the best place to start is, well, where everything started. Now a lot of this is what happened according to what other people have told me. I blocked out a lot of this stuff so the details are still a bit fuzzy. But I’m starting to recall a bunch of stuff on my own.”

               “Go on, Juan. Tell us everything you care to share.”

               “Alright. Well like I said, the best place to start would be where everything started. Before I even became depressed.”

 …

                 It was a warm spring day. Epstein had volunteered to help his mother run some errands rather than hang out with his friends. In reality, he was happy to help her. Going into town with her was going to be a breeze.

They did some grocery shopping together, which Epstein admitted was more fun than he thought it would be. That was partly because they talked to each other about everything. He even surprised her by telling her about the good grades he had been working on in secret. He was determined to become a veterinarian and wanted to improve himself. She was delighted to hear all this and told him how proud he was making her. He couldn’t have been happier, talking with his mother.

               The shopping trip was over, and they began carrying the bags home. Their conversation continued as they walked the few blocks back to their house. Suddenly, as they reached Mr. Jennings’s bakery, Epstein lost grip on a bag, dropping it and spilling the contents onto the ground. He quickly gathered everything up and packed it all back into the bag. As well, his mother had stepped off the curb to fetch one of the items that had landed in the road.

               She didn’t see the truck speeding toward her. The driver of the truck didn’t see her either. And since Epstein was too preoccupied with the groceries, he didn’t notice anything until it was too late. As soon as he stood to turn back to his mother, it was too late. The truck smashed into his mother and sped away, leaving her on the road.

               The moment that it happened, Epstein froze in shock. He dropped the grocery bags, everything spilling out of them again. He had no time to react. He couldn’t even yell to get his mother’s attention. He couldn’t even grab her to pull her back onto the sidewalk. There was nothing he could have done in that split second. So he stood there, frozen in his spot, staring at his mother lying in the road with groceries spilled all around her.

               Other people screamed as they rushed over, calling for help. Some people bumped into Epstein, but he was too shocked to react. To him, the whole world around him was gone He was paralyzed and speechless. All he saw was his mother lying there. All the noise, all the people, even all the buildings around him were gone. He couldn’t even feel his own feelings. He wasn’t even sure if he was breathing.

               Soon paramedics and police came onto the scene. While paramedics were transporting his mother’s body onto a stretcher, police officers tried to talk to Epstein. But he was still too shocked to speak. He still couldn’t even fathom what was going on. He barely even noticed as someone wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and helped him to sit down. They tried some more to get him to speak but realized there was no use.

 …

                 One of the two police officers knocked on the front door of the Epstein house. Mr. Epstein answered and immediately was furious when he saw his son standing there with the officers. Before he could berate his son, asking him what he did, the officers explained to him what had happened. Mr. Epstein took one look at his son, still in a state of shock, and knew to trust the officers. He thanked the officers and helped his son inside the house.

               “Juan, mijo, talk to me about what happened.” He said as the door closed.

               Epstein looked at his father, a bit confused. He simply shook his head, indicating that he wasn’t up to talking right then. His father sighed and then called for his other children to come into the family room. Once everyone was gathered in the room, their father broke the news to them. Epstein still did not speak a single word, even when his siblings tried to comfort him. Everyone was devastated with this news. But they all knew Epstein was already taking it much harder than anyone else. Not only that, but they had already known that he was going to wind up much worse from there.

[mcmxcvlux]

Back

That was an incredibly long time.

But now, it turns out that my most unwelcome guest pays me a visit.

Almost a year of not feeling physical and emotional pain as I am busy my working my ass off to make a living. But I guess its randomness really what takes you aback. A month ago when being me as emotionally stable (as I thought) again collapsed. I hate conversations with it. Whenever it is there I felt wrecked, extremely blue, weak, miserable. And not just that but physical pains that almost went from not being able to feel my arms. That my back hurts as much it hurts before. I am again further gaining weight because I’d rather stuff my mouth than have a small talk.

At times, i cannot fathom but ask, why me? I gotta get up and live, I am loving what im doing now and this can’t be repeated! I don’t want to try to end my life just because I thought that it will give solution to my problem. I have already realized things before and no such things will happen again.

Though, I have been a bit vocal about it. But it always makes me uncomfortable discussing it with my best friends and my Mom. Why? Recently, I tried to talk it out with my Mom. Telling her that I’ve been eating too much lately cause I can’t help myself from trying to cover up what I feel. Trying not to cry as how the pain consumes my body into bits. I was just trying to really explain it to her but unfortunately, it was a disappointment. She refused to continue with what I’ve been trying to explain and said that I was just making an excuse so I can eat more. I was not, I was trying my best to lose as much as weight I as have been last year. The same happened with my best friends. But instead of comfort, I was told that I am over reacting and was cut off while explaining because they said that I was just trying to make a scene and pretend that I am depressed even though I was.

Life sometimes can be a bit harsh. But I will be back, back to the person I was yesterday. I wish.

[pureparticleoficial]

Keep Calm & Focused with Axy, the #1 all Natural Anxiety and Stress Relief Supplement Pills https://youtu.be/4cVOjNpOXWI?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr #depressionrelief #anxietyattack #suicide #suicidalthoughts #suicidaltendencies #depressionstory #depressionmedication #anxietymedication #ashwagandha #StJohnsWort

[depressionstory-blog]

Day 4: Jealousy

i hate the me who felt jealous towards other's happiness i really am deserves to die

[justifiedmadness]

#DepressionStories #FightOn #mentalhealthawareness https://www.instagram.com/p/B8xPHIDBXGF/?igshid=1e9jlx07i1mbs