#depression makes this a difficult question to answer lmao

[literallyangelshaw]

Do I wanna die and spark guilt or live and spite while making some form of difference

[menlove]

Do you know what to make of john and cyns relationship?

to meeeeee it reads very much as a "oh shit gotta get married because of the baby" comphet situation. for john especially, but cyn too even though she's straight. there's just this expectation for women to get married and life for single mothers is already hell but back then it was soooo so much worse. i mean she even said in her book that it wasn't really like a real marriage in those early days & i think about that a lot. i think obviously there was a lot of love there, but i don't think john was sexually attracted to her (or even romantically, really- he OBSESSED over her in the beginning but that's a different thing entirely).

and then of course there's the fact that he hit her when they were younger (whether or not he Continued to hit her is a question i'm not qualified to answer lmao it depends on how much you believe her saying that he only hit her the once vs his general violent behavior towards both men & women in his life) & even if he hadn't he was a shit husband & father who was not around. and when he was around he was getting high and isolating. i think that was probably an INCREDIBLY difficult period for her & i am very glad they got divorced bc both her and julian deserved a lot better than what he was giving & there's 0 excuse for the way he behaved towards them

honestly to me it just reads as a tale as old as time that most people watched their own mothers go through. woman marries a shitty man bc she got pregnant or felt societal pressure to marry, man is abusive in some way & falls into substance abuse, man is closeted as fuck and takes it out on other people, kid winds up in the crossfire of the whole thing.... it's just. well. it's a depressing relationship and it's one i've seen time and time again in real life. but she did love him. a lot. still did up until she died. unfortunately i don't think he gave like even half as much of a fuck about her as she gave about him.

[zanarkandfayth]

Happy Storyteller Saturday!

What inspired you to write Monsters Running Wild (Inside of Me), if it's not too difficult for you to talk about (given the subject matter of the story)? If it's too personal to share, (or you can also treat this as a bonus question!), what was your favourite comfort scene to write in that story?

thank you for the ask! I don't mind sharing though it's definitely gonna be a long, personal answer. also I laugh every time I see the title written out in full because I deliberately wrote it that way in an attempt to maybe discourage people from reading (don't ask lmao) and it makes me cringe. I should really remove the parentheses, or shorten the title maybe. ahem. anyways.

hhhh okay so I tend to be an oversharer so I will try to tone it down. the less-detailed answer is that I started writing monsters around early August 2022 I think? towards the beginning of that year I had two friendships blow up, the important one being the one with my bestie where our problems had been building for two years.

then in June the stomach problems I'd been having on and off since late 2019 that my doctor dismissed blew up, like "pain so bad for three days until I broke down and asked my mom to take me to urgent care and they sent me to the ER" blew up. which led to constant medical appointments and "throw medications at the wall and see what sticks" approaches, because nobody could find anything wrong with me. scans and tests kept coming back normal. I also had some separate health problems crop up during this point which just worsened things.

it is also notable that I'd been trying to move to Japan and teach English, which my stomach problems forced me to give up on, and that hurt a lot too.

so, yeah, basically mad depression over everything, I found myself feeling suicidal, and like. I have a past attempt. the mental hospital I got forced into for four days nearly killed me. that's not an exaggeration. I passed out and stopped breathing because they gave me two clashing medications. I really, really didn't wanna wind up back there if I failed in another attempt, and tbh, I didn't really WANT to make another attempt. but thoughts were in my head and I have no access to mental health care.

so in desperation I turned to fic. I wanted a long, angsty fic set before the game with a suicidal noct and ignis taking care of him, but there were none that I could find. and at this time, I had been working on another ffxv fic since November 2019, it was over 500k and nowhere near being finished (it's not posted anywhere rn except privately for people who are interested, because it's now over 600k and still not finished, send help) and I was. getting a little burnt out lol. so I was like "yeah okay, I can take a break to write something short with noct attempting to kill himself that's just for me"

I wrote it in my private just-for-me discord server. I had nothing specific in mind, I just started writing and let the words take me wherever they wanted. it was still largely the first chapter of monsters that is posted now, except there was no ignoct. when it was done, I shared it with the not-bestie, who loved it and then said something about how "if ignis hadn't shown up when he did then noct would have died and how would Ignis have felt coming in to yell at noct only to find him dead" and that they wanted to see Ignis have a nightmare about that.

I had already been on the fence about whether I wanted to write more, because I'd wanted more comfort than what I'd written and I also wanted to have Ignis find a note from noct, but I still had other fic to work on, but the not-bestie wanting a nightmare made me decide to at least (probably) write a second part.

I didn't, though, for like a month? I went back to the other fic. don't remember why I picked up monsters again, probably just still struggling with thoughts. I polished the first chapter and added a bit to make it ignoct, then I wrote out the second chapter with Ignis finding the note and the third chapter with him having the nightmare, then I kept going with noct being in the hospital and by that point a rough semblance of a plot idea was starting to form, so I decided to keep going and see where it took me.

that is probably about the point where my rocky frienship with the not-bestie started inspiring/influencing the fic. because I was talking with them a lot, but we weren't okay and we both knew it and it upset me. though to be clear, noct and iggy's messed up frienship is nothing like mine, I gave them their own problems, but it still felt really cathartic to write something where they weren't okay for a long time.

so yeah, the really really short answer is "I was fucked up and my most meaningful (but platonic) friendship was fucked up and it inspired me to write a fic where noct and ignis were fucked up (but still gay for each other) and then it just kept going" (:

also, bonus question... the stargazing at the sky walk scene is my overall fave, but I'm not sure that counts as enough comfort, so I'll say the scene at the end of chapter 31, where noct asks ignis what it was like for him when he walked in on noct's attempt. because they're both so touchy-feely and vulnerable and intimate and for all ignis' denial about their relationship, he knows, THEY know, they know they know, and also for a fic that is largely about ignis comforting/supporting noct, I love that noct is the one doing the primary comforting and supporting in that scene. it was so lovely to write.

I think this answer is too long. sorry 💀

[empty-dream]

Just played To The Moon Beach Episode

Just kidding it's been almost one month since I played and I'm NOT over it.

Chronologically taking place sometime after the end of Impostor Factory, specifically after the Bestest Dancers comic.

Happy note first, I LOVE the surfing minigame. I played with all 4 characters just so I could get all the winner banners lmao.

Also the conversations, when funny, are funny as fuck, classic Freedbird Games.

My favorites were the night pool scene and the basement scene. I LOST MY SHIT lmaooo.

The beach memories with messages from players is so cool and heartwarming. Is there any way I can put my message there too? I'd probably write an essay inside tho.

Kan (and I assume his wife and son?) makes an appearance is so cute.

On the other hand, it is indeed the most depressing beach episode.

Or rather, the first half was wacky as shit with just a sliver of hints, and then BOOM DEPRESSION.

The aforementioned night pool scene? When I picked "says nothing" I laughed my ass off. Then I restarted the game at that point and picked "show approval" thinking that it would lead to another hilarious exchange. It slapped me with realistic truth and sad what-ifs instead.

I knew it'd be sad like there are hints but DAMN I DIDN'T EXPECT FREEBIRD GAMES TO ACTUALLY GO DOWN THIS ROUTE I REALLY THOUGHT THEY WOULDN'T, I JUST DIDNT EXPECT IT WOULD COME LIKE RIGHT NOW 😭

Kan Gao made To the Moon when he was mulling over mortality since his grandpa had life-threatening illness, and since then it has always been about grief and questions revolving death and life.

And I personally feel like the Beach Episode is the peak of everything the series is about: Grief, regret, what-if, the parameter of "a great life."

After following the series for around a decade, it just hits so hard I still don't even know what to say.

SPOILER BELOW

ROSAWATTS CANON BUT AT WHAT COST

"I wanted to build you a garden." "You didn't give me enough time to prepare." WHAT THE FUCK BRO YOU CANT JUST DO THIS TO ME TT O TT

You know, when you think about it, what happened to Neil and Eva is exactly the opposite of Quincy and Lynri.

The only reason why Neil never confesses to Eva, despite loving her since teenager, was because he knew the pain of losing a loved one like how his father Quincy lost his mother Lynri, and Neil didn't want that to happen to Eva.

And it was all for nothing. Eva still ends up doing exactly what Neil fears, and WORSE.

Not only she suffers watching him die and losing him in the end, she keeps reliving all their days together. Since the very first game in fact. It's the only explanation why there was pain signal even in real life back in the first game and why the Minisode had Eva in her room.

It begs the question, would it have been better if he admitted his condition and feelings for Eva sooner? If instead of fearing what would happen in the end, Neil opened up earlier, like how Lynri did to Quincy? If Neil and Eva had more time, if Eva had more time to prepare, if they had more time to be together in the way that they've always wanted, if they had more time to make peace with the knowledge of what would come together, would it be any better?

I personally don't know the answer to that. At first glance, I thought the answer would be yes. But somewhere in my heart, I knew it'd still hurt anyway. It'd be just a different kind of pain. And I don't know if it's fundamentally right to compare those pains.

When they say grief is a difficult topic, they are not kidding.

[voiceofthebroken]

hey there! don't mind me dropping these for the stp ask game

3. (Explore) Who's your favorite Vessel?

5. (Explore) Who's your favorite Voice?

19. (Explore) Do you have any unpopular opinion regarding the game?

ooh hmm,,

3. personally I'd say my favorite is the Prisoner! I feel like I could relate to her on a personal level, she kind of feels like me personality-wise (though I have been described as the Damsel before). I also use chains as a metaphor like being chained down to life and other factors, not having the freedom to do what you wish to do (this also is where Cage is a close contender, where she is described like how I would think about dissociation, which I really liked). other than that, I think she's aesthetically pleasing to me? I like how chains looks, I don't know. I like the funny Narrator lines when he reacts to the fact she cut her own head off too

my other favorite, however, is the Nightmare mostly because she's the first Vessel I've seen when the full game released (thanks to someone's playthrough, I went ahead and got the game for myself, and then I got Spectre lol, I think she's silly :3). I also like her design with the cracks and the mask... she's really cool (probably my favorite design out of all of the Vessels)

in regards to the Pristine Cut,Happily Ever After would be my favorite. it's the one route the Narrator admits that some things are worse than what he had feared. it's very symbolic and I suppose that resonates with me having been stuck doing the same actions over and over again before, and with life in general. it's something that really makes me question "was I really happy with being stuck in that for so long before?" to which the answer is no, I wasn't truly happy for those long months of repeating things for someone else's sake. like how Happily Ever After was trying to follow Smitten's wants so he could be happy (I've always seen Smitten as a little manipulative in a sense, more subtle than the Narrator and Opportunist. I didn't expect to see that expanded upon in the Pristine Cut, and that's definitely a thought for me). with that personal experience I have with a similar relationship of sorts, Happily Ever After is one I can relate to in that aspect

5. do I need to pull up a powerpoint presentation on why I like them all? /silly, this is gonna be a bit difficult and I'll try not writing an entire essay on why I like the Voices :3

Broken gets his own spot since he's my blog name lmao (sopping wet cat /pos). before the Pristine Cut, I already liked him since he kind of symbolized depression in a sense and I could relate to some parts of him. after the Pristine Cut... I like him more, like how he shows his strengths in the Apotheosis and the Cage. he appears empathetic outside of his main route, like how he comforts the others in the Fury (even the Player and Narrator). he managed through the pain of the Fury taking us apart and putting us back together atom by atom (Cold also does that, but in a different manner). I'll hold Broken in my hands like a little blorbo, he deserves some love and care after everything

my main favorites has got to be Hunted and Cheated though, with Paranoid and Opportunist close behind (various roleplays had me realize I relate to some aspects of Opportunist and made him more likeable as I think more about his character in that way). Hunted is because he's always been a comfort to me, maybe with how quiet he is or how he is our survival instinct. He's someone you can trust, someone that can be relied on when there's danger all around (sort of a reason why I pair Paranoid and Hunted together but that's not part of the question). and even after what happened in Stubborn's version of the Den (she eats he eats she eats he eats...), I'll be Hunted's fan. he's like a silly cat rabbit creature,,

Cheated is my other favorite because he's really funny. he's a funny little guy that turned the Cage into a comedy when the other variations are much more serious. and I love cards, to be honest, even though I don't know a lot of games and I'm not great at them. I love the card symbolism in his dialogue, he's a little gamer guy and I love him for that. at the same time, he can be pretty relatable when life slaps random things in your face that's just like what the hell??

Paranoid is because (I find myself saying this a lot but) he's relatable in a sense. he also can be funny in his route with the Nightmare. I still need to think about his moments in the Apotheosis and Cage where he's going on about how it's a dream and how the world is fake (which he's pretty correct in that), that line in Apotheosis when he doubts himself hits hard in my opinion. Opportunist is also there because... well he's a little mischievous scheming guy, but I started thinking about it more as a defense mechanism to hide his vulnerability. in the Witch, he fully believes she would betray us and he is correct. although we backstabbed her first, in a way it also shows the lack of trust there was in the beginning. Opportunist, I feel, is like someone with heavy trust issues but goes along with the crowd in order to survive. he'll take advantage of others and try getting in the best position as that's essentially what other people in society seems to do. he'll suck up to the one who has power so he doesn't look bad to them, it's how he knows how to survive

this answer is getting longer than I expected, I'm so sorry 😭 Cold gets an honorable mention though because I relate to him to most in regards to being detached from myself mostly (I love reading the analysis people have for him, it's so interesting)

19. unpopular opinion uhh... you see, I don't exactly have an unpopular opinion because why would I? :3 (I'm not sure if this is considered unpopular but I don't think Opportunist is a complete asshole... even though he's very obviously a backstabber. also it could just be me, but I really don't like the Shifting Mound for some reason. or at least her in her final form. she's very calming before the end, but at the end she's just... I don't know, very overwhelming. I like her character and how she's written, but I just don't like her in general if that makes sense)

[angstsplatter]

Tagged by incontrovertible @shadowbends who I still get fannish over whenever she notices me lmaoooo! *ace buddy fist bump*

Last song: I'm actually not a huge music person, so I had to hunt down the answer to this. It was Test Drive from the How To Train Your Dragon soundtrack!

Fave color: I'm really bad at favorites, so I tend to have clumps of favorites. I like blue, green, and orange primarily as faves.

Last book: I'm about 3/4 of the way through The Girl from the Well by Rin Chupeco, still. Discovered Chupeco through their phillipinx mythos The Sacrifice book, which I was enthralled by. I am LOVING The Girl From the Well, which is such a cool take on vengeful ghosts from the ghost's perspective.

Last movie: Nosferatu, which I gave a solid B/B+. Won't make it to my top faves, but it was a good enough watch in theaters.

Last show: In a "mindless content" kinda manner right now, so it was Money for Nothing. It's fun watching the upcycling process and seeing what ideas people have for transformation.

Sweet/spicy/savory: Ooooh why do you torture me with difficult questions. I GUESS I'm gonna have to go spicy, which tends to be the biggest staple of my diet. Even when I don't mean to, I end up making a lot of my food spicy for taste, lmao.

Relationship status: Non-amorous and non-partnering aroace. Very happily solo.

Last thing i googled: I don't want to count googling The Sacrifice to make sure I had the title right, so we'll go with "dark winds show". An author I followed mentioned she'd started it. I hadn't heard of it, so I looked it up to see if it was something I'd be interested in watching. (Maybe if I came across it naturally but not enough so that I'm going to go looking for it.)

Current obsession: Too depressive slump to obsess right now, but most recent obsessions have been Dead End: Paranormal Park (Deadendia), Rise of the TMNT, and The Locked Tomb. I guess the last thing I technically started obsessing over was Alexandria Rowland's books, but my library only has three of them, so my obsession was kind of abruptly ended, LOL.

Looking forward to: I got a kindle scribe for Christmas, and I have field work coming up, so I'm looking forward to trying to balance getting some reading done and getting some writing done. I got like a dozen things published before I got this job, so I'd like to get back into writing! Aaaaalso Heavenly Tyrant came out, which I've been waiting for for...two years now? Super hype to finish TGFTW and dig into that! (That's a funny thing to say I'll do during field work, LOL, but that's part of the reason I like field work. It either keeps me naturally busy enough that I don't struggle to focus like office work or we have so much downtime I get to do things like actually read again.)

Tagging: @metalshootingstar, @deadlyflan, @dawntreaderflynne, @busybeern, @wobblefloss, @gonzogodzilla, @aliciadreaming, @remedyturtles, and @brilliantsnafu if y'all are so inclined :>

[kraeki]

what do you find intriguing about domi and robbo and how would you describe their dynamic

I’m so sorry for answering you so late! The thing is that you asked an interesting question and I didn’t want to answer quickly but then I forgot about the ask and then I only ever remembered it when I didn’t have time to answer 😭 I don’t even remember under what post I mentioned that I found them intriguing 😅 Anyway!! Warning, long and unedited ramblings ahead:

Well most of what I find intriguing about them is the potential they have for fictional interpretation. So my answer is based on that, not what I believe is the truth about their dynamic. I just think that Dominik is a very heart on your sleeve, earnest loverboy. While Andy maybe hides more under a loud shell. And that this makes for an interesting mix!

Last year, during DomiTrent autumn, it was almost a running joke how Trent was always with Domi and Andy was somewhere depressed in the background. I thought it was a fun bit and never thought that Trent had actually replaced Andy with Dom (and hate them being pitted against each other! Trent can have more than one friend!!!) but it can be used to let our imaginations run wild. Maybe Domi tried to be Andy’s friend too but Andy was so caught up in self pity over Trent replacing him that he didn’t like Dom. I like picturing Dom earnestly trying to be friends and Andy interpreting it badly, like Dom taunting him or something. In one Inside Training from that time Dom asked to be Andy’s partner in training and Andy said “no, you talk too much” as a joke but well… was it?

Then Andy gets badly injured, he talked about how hard it was to not be part of the team for that period. How he missed hanging out with them at Kirkby because he had a different schedule. Our fictional Andy could’ve felt extra alone in the world, watching from afar as Dom and Trent giggle at each other.

But then! Dom gets injured too! So they could be forced to be together, both sulking from their injuries. Maybe a bit raw. Maybe some walls are broken?

Fast forward a bit after Andy, Dom and Trent all are finally in a match day squad together again after their injuries. And they all warm up together as a trio when Dom and Trent as a duo had been shooting long balls at each other to warm up for almost the whole first part of the season. But now, for every match, doesn’t matter if they are all starting or not, they do their little trio warm up. And I think it has cute implications! We never see sad Robbo in the background of DomiTrent anymore. The dynamics are more even now.

Then the Euros happen and they both captain their teams and have disappointing Euros and they even meet each other in both of their teams’ last game. Dom’s team ruining any hope Andy’s team might have had. Drama! But also, they can relate a lot I think. And then at the same time their common factor, Trent, was busy making heart eyes at Jude for a whole summer.

And now at the beginning of pre season, they were there before Trent and I love that they did media together there as well! Something about them interacting without Trent pleases me. The notion of their relationship growing independently and beyond their glue (Trent) is fun. Our fictional Andy realising that this manchild is actually not so bad. Dom not being insecure anymore over Andy being Trent’s old and established friend that would always eclipse the newbie Dom. Trent, the princess he is, not always being the centre of the universe. The other sides of the triangle should touch too!

Ok I’m done! Once I started it was difficult to stop lmao but as you can see I stuck to their fictional dynamic. For their “real” dynamic, I still think they have an interesting mix of personalities and it really is possible that Trent being their mutual friend made them closer than they otherwise would have been. Then they are both captains of their small(ish) national teams and they did have an interesting Euros story. I will at least be watching them with interest this season both for fictional headcanon reasons and not 😁

P.S. They are also both dog coded but in different ways! Different breeds I suppose 😭 (Trent is a cat)

[danikatze]

How about 11, 19, 22, and 23 for the end of year asks?

End of the year asks

Thanks for the ask TJ 😊 (although you did make me cry with the last question lmao)

11: Something you want to do again next year?

I learned to make kitchen litho prints this year. I’ve only made a few experiments, it’d be interesting to see if I can take things further.

19: What’re you excited about for next year?

I’m currently pretty motivated to work on my Mushishi comic, getting it to a quality suitable for printing. I’m excited to hold a hand-printed, physical copy in my hands. A few people have shown interest in purchasing it, so that’s an exciting prospect as well :)

22: Favourite place you visited this year?

I went on vacation with Youck this year, to a province that is much more rural than the place where I live. The two of us swam in a wonderfully pretty body of water there. Dunno what it is exactly lol, but it was beautiful. Very clear water, surrounded by trees, micro islands at the edge; just lovely.

23: If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

Hm this is a difficult question. There are some things in my personal life this year that have gone pretty horribly wrong. To think how they could’ve been prevented doesn’t really help and makes me kinda sad lol. Short answer: if I had to, I would’ve sent a message containing a few warnings, to check up on things before they go sour. Depressing answer below the cut. Cw: cancer, death.

But my father died of metastases in a place where the doctors hadn’t checked, and I wonder if knowing in time would’ve helped. Treatment would’ve been horrible, so maybe my dad would’ve opted out anyway. Maybe more importantly: there was a pinched nerve that caused him a lot of pain, and had we known sooner what it was, it might’ve been treated properly. It made life a lot less appealing for him and the treatment he did get didn’t help much. He was also just too tired by that point. It would probably not have extended his life much, but he might have been more comfortable.

Also I miss my friend who broke off our friendship a lot. If I’d known anything was wrong, we might have been able to talk about it. She knew and didn’t say a thing until I let her knew I was unhappy about something. Again, the outcome might not have been different, but possibly less sudden and painful. Who knows.

[gleamer]

Quick question, maybe you answered this already and I missed it, but uhhhhhhh, what do mean?????? Lisa's 'Not Human'??????? Like i know gleamverse is widely expansive and has lore deep as hell and we're only seeing like a fraction of it each day, but like?????? HUH???????

LMAO 😭 Okay… I dunno when I’ll be able to actually make a post about this, so I might as well just lore dump here.

In a post I did last year, Lisa was originally human. Obviously, some new developments have been made… In that post, I mention a species called Humanoids and I only showed the more robotic version. However☝🏾Humanoids come in subcategories. So, there’s Androids, Anthropoids, and Clones. Lisa is an Anthropoid!

Anthropoids are derived from human DNA , but they’re conceived in a laboratory— kept in tubes until they’re full term. The reason they aren’t considered human is because the human DNA is united with an artificial gamete which is the more dominant factor during reproduction (all the human DNA does is determine the sex and appearance). Since these gametes aren’t from humans, they’re not that great at replicating human behavior. So, being an Anthropoid comes with some real [shitty] side effects which are under the cut!

* The average adult human blinks 15 times a minute, whereas Anthropoids blink 3-5 times a minute.

* Pupils do not dilate or contract nor are they affected by bright lights or complete darkness.

* Heightened senses. Can smell, see, and hear from 2x the distance of humans.

* There are more gaps in their fingerprints.

* Most have fabric fixations (ex. T-shirt or ribbed materials).

* They physically age 30% slower than the average human.

* More than 60% of Anthropoids have trouble sleeping.

* Processing human emotions may prove to be difficult (empathy, grief, & nostalgia are the big three).

* They are more likely to be diagnosed with personality and obsessive compulsive disorders (depression & anxiety too).

* In rare cases, their red blood cells are doubled during conception resulting in thickened blood which causes blood clots and premature death.

* Hormonal imbalances and sporadic menstrual cycles. Most Anthropoids are infertile due to incomplete reproductive systems (during conception, it’s possible that some internal organs do not form in their entirety).

And I guess, while you’re here, Anthropoids and Clones don’t even know they’re not human! 😁 Gleamverse government is just as corrupt as any other government and are actively trying to hide their existence. So, Anthropoids are walking around, thinking something is legitimately wrong with them (well, there is, but not in the human sense lmfao).

[underratedandoverit]

Endings

~2,6k words penelope ford/kris statlander

we brain stormed something so hard with bugs today that i just had to write it like, immediately. we have a new rarepair in our hands fellas and we are going down hard for these gay girls lmao

i hope this makes sense and its worth something, ive been living in depression brain fog today so words are difficult, also its like half four in the morning and i didnt edit or really proofread this sssooo yeah. it is what it is, i dont think i can make it much better tbh, the brain rot was strong enough to help finish it so here 💜 (i also hope the ending is clear enough, but in case its not - its a string of texts sent by kris to whoever is holding this thing together with kip at the other end of this chain of events going down)

its wedding themed btw, so if thats not your cup of tea heres your warning!!

on ao3

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate @ss-trashboat

---------------------------

Her heels frantically clicked against the floor, her steps clearly hurried as Penelope tried to gather the hems of her dress in her hands as she was moving, hoping she wouldn’t trip on any loose garments. Blue eyes darting around the hallways around her, trying to focus on the exit signs hanging on the ceiling level, trying to find the door leading outside.

She wasn’t sure how she ended up here, but Penelope knew she had to get out before she would regret this.

Finally pushing open the correct door, a wave of relief washed over her as Penelope spotted a familiar face outside. She stumbled out the door, barely keeping her balance in her heels as the steady hardwood flooring suddenly changed to a gravel pathway underneath her. She basically ran across the yard, not stopping until she almost crashed into Kris, Penelope being thankful that the strong arms of the other woman were able to keep her up on her feet.

“What are you doing out here?” Kris’ voice was laced with obvious concern, even more so as she spotted the half finished makeup on her face. “Is everything alright?”

“No.” Penelope didn’t need to say anything more, her heavy breathing and the frantic wide eyed gazes thrown around the yard being more than enough to give Kris the answer she needed. Her arm quickly wrapped around Penelope’s waist, keeping her upright as the woman dressed in white tried to catch her breath after the race she had just had with herself. “I need to get out of here.”

Kris’ eyes narrowed at her a little, but she didn’t question it. Penelope was clearly distressed, and as much as she would have liked to have more answers, Kris knew better than to ask anything right now. Instead she just nodded her head, letting Penelope lead the way – she knew better than Kris did with what she wanted and needed right now, and where she wanted to be.

Her steps were still hurried, it being very clear that Penelope just wanted to get off the area as soon as possible. Kris didn’t question it, just followed her lead, following in her suit as Penelope walked them to the parking lot, bee-lining for Kris’ car. Kris let her in the passenger seat without a word, only after closing the door glancing around herself. The parking lot was empty apart from the two of them, it being fairly obvious that despite the amount of people that were supposed to be here today, everyone else was inside or somewhere else in the yard. It was only the two of them out here, and Penelope was lucky to have caught her outside, or who knows where she would have ended up in her frantic running by herself.

Kris quickly slipped in the car as well, trying to keep it calm as she fished her keys from her bag, eventually starting the car and getting them out of the parking lot. Almost as soon as they left the driveway there, she could hear Penelope’s breathing easing a little, her deep exhales calming a bit by bit as she relaxed on her seat as moments passed her by.

Penelope’s eyes stared out the window, the tree lines passing them by calming her a little bit. At least unlike them, when she changed her mind about growing her roots together with someone else, she was able to escape. The trees, they were stuck there, until cut down and removed. At least she had options, she thought, letting out a little sigh as it was finally sinking in what she was doing here.

She could feel Kris stealing looks towards her, but the brunette didn’t say anything. The silence was more comfortable than it was not, and Penelope was very thankful for it. Even after everything, Kris was someone she could trust to help her out, no extra questions asked or pressure being put onto her about when, what, or why. At least for now, Penelope knew eventually she would have to answer for something, especially if other people started to reach out to ask those questions when they realized they were both gone from the venue.

After a while Kris pulled the car over to a rest stop. As the vehicle came to a halt, Penelope finally looked at her. Kris didn’t look mad, or even disappointed, she was more curious than anything else. The small smile she sent to her was still soft, almost comforting, basically wordlessly begging Penelope to talk to her, asking her questions that she needed answers to.

“I…” She almost immediately regretted saying anything, eyes darting out the window to scan the tree lines again. Penelope could hear faint buzzing coming from Kris’ bag, presumably her phone as someone might have already noticed that they were gone. “I can’t… I can’t do it.”

Kris took her eyes off of her for a moment, digging her phone into her hands to check the incoming texts, confirming Penelope’s suspicions as she turned back towards her, watching Kris type up a few words before dropping the phone back into her bag. The eyes looking back at her were still understanding, but now Penelope was sure she could see a hint of sadness in them.

She didn’t blame Kris though. This was supposed to be the happiest day of her life, and it was very obvious now that it wasn’t actually going to be.

“How long?”

Penelope blinked at her blankly, processing the question for a moment before Kris repeated it. “How long have you known that you don’t want to do this?”

“About… About a month.”

Kris nodded, glancing back at her bag as her phone buzzed again. Now Penelope was sure they were being missed by the rest of the bridal party. “When we first did the in-ring wedding. It felt weird then, but I just thought it was because it was being televised or because I was nervous about it or something. But no, it’s… It’s actually because I don’t want to marry him.”

“And you didn’t tell him?”

Penelope shrugged, avoiding eye contact as she looked outside the window again. “I tried. Kip always said it was just because I was nervous, and that it would be okay. He was so excited about all of this, I didn’t think much more of it.”

She sighed, carefully brushing her hand through the free coils of her platinum hair, biting her pink painted lower lip a little bit. “And then I saw him in that suit all happy and excited back there and I… I just couldn’t. I had to get out.”

Kris nodded again, hand reaching for her phone again as it wouldn’t stop buzzing at her. Penelope watched her type in a few more messages, giving her some more time to breath and organize her thoughts. Not that she really needed to, Penelope was already sure that she didn’t want to do this. That she didn’t want to go back, to face the rest of the party, to face her fiancé. Well… From this point forward ex fiancé, to be precise.

And no amount of time was going to change her mind about it, when she had honestly doubted it since the very beginning, just being too afraid to actually say anything about it. Why, she wasn’t sure. Maybe at some point in time Penelope had wanted to do it, get married with Kip and start a life and a family, but the closer that time came the more she doubted herself about it after all. Everyone around her didn’t seem to notice, and the people she mentioned it to just told her she was nervous about finally being a bride, especially with a public wedding first and a private one second, and that’s all.

She should have just trusted her guts about it, and Penelope was more mad at herself for letting it all go this far than for anyone pushing her to keep going with it and not taking her seriously about it.

Until Kris came along and was willing to take her away from the venue on her actual wedding day without getting any explanations beforehand.

“So… What now?”

Penelope shrugged, motioning a little bit towards Kris with her hand. “I don’t know. You’re the driver. I guess it’s your choice if you want to take me back there or not.”

Contemplating her options Kris pushed her phone away once more, her hands grabbing onto the steering wheel, fingers tapping against it as she thought a little.

“Did you really just not want to marry him?”

Penelope looked at her, watching as this time Kris glanced around the empty road and tree lines surrounding the two of them, clearly curious but at the same time somewhat uncomfortable asking the question, no matter how important it sounded. “Or was there… Something else?”

Penelope’s brows furrowed but she stayed silent, Kris just shrugging her shoulders a little bit as she could feel the eyes of the blonde on her, almost waiting for a follow up to her question. “I mean… I thought you two were doing great together. Kip has been talking about how over the moon he is for you and everything, so… It’s just kind of odd to suddenly hear all of this. Especially when you haven’t mentioned any of it before, either.”

Yeah… Yeah she was a bit guilty about that. As close of friends as they were with Kris, Penelope just had found this topic to be very difficult to talk about with basically anyone.

Let alone with someone who she had been more than sure enough even before today that she felt something more than a strong friendship for.

“There might… Have been other reasons.”

She was hoping the half done makeup did its job of covering her blushing cheeks as Kris suddenly whipped her face towards her, eyes almost glistening with interest as she scanned the blonde’s face, trying to find the hints on it before asking her question.

“Is it Allie?”

Penelope blinked at her, clearly taken aback by the sudden question. “A-allie? No, it’s not Allie, what does she have to do with anything?”

Kris’ eyes narrowed, the cogs in her brain clearly now turning. “…Orange? It has something to do with Orange, right?”

“What are you talking about?”

Kris leaned back on her seat, arms crossing over her chest as she pouted a little. “Well there has to be some reason why you changed your mind so suddenly! And usually that ‘some reason’ is someone, so I’m just trying to figure this out!”

“Will you stop before you even start, please?”

“Then tell me, who is it?”

“That’s not important --”

“You left a man at the altar, I think it’s pretty important!”

“I don’t --”

“If there is someone, I think someone should know about it!”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Penelope, please.”

“…You.”

Kris stared back at her, watching as Penelope inhaled deeply, eyes turning away from the brunette as she bit her lip a little, clearly having given up this war of words that she knew she wasn’t going to win against Kris. “It’s… It’s you. It’s been you for a long time now.”

The truth was now eventually going to come out at some point, so at least Kris should hear it directly from her and not secondhand elsewhere.

“What…” Kris shook her head a little, trying to register the words that had been just said in the heat of the moment so suddenly. “What do you… What do you mean?”

“Since the first day I met you.”

Penelope didn’t look back at her, but she could feel Kris’ wide eyes burning holes to the side of her face. “I… I think I always knew whatever this was with Kip wouldn’t last. But I thought if I tried to commit to it, maybe it would work out after all. But then you came back and I knew I should have said no when he proposed but I thought…”

Her voice trailed off. Not that there was much that needed to be said, the situation was becoming fairly obvious to Kris, now that Penelope had finally found some words for all of it.

“And… And I wasn’t sure if leaving him would have been worth it because I didn’t know how you… You know.”

She finally looked back at Kris, the brunette pondering over the sudden confession that had been thrown at her. The last thing she had expected coming to a wedding was the bride confessing her love to her out of all people, and not saying “I do” to the man she was supposed to marry. And yet there they were, sitting in her car, running away from all of these arrangements, having this conversation where Penelope was basically admitting to three years of bad decisions and buried feelings.

“So I guess�� This is the part where it’s up to you how this chapter ends.” Penelope locked eyes with Kris, not being able to read much else than confusion out of her expression. “Where we go. What we do. Or what we don’t do. I… I have nothing left to lose. It’s up to you.”

Kris looked at her, the obvious shame and guilt painted all over the blonde’s face as Penelope tried her best to retain eye contact, clearly wanting to break it up though. There was something very sincere in her, Kris had to admit that, and honestly… Under different circumstances she was sure she would have already said something. Done something. Right now the moment was a little bit awkward, but at the same time…

“I would be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about this before.”

Penelope looked at her, head tilting slightly in confusion as she watched Kris lean slightly towards her, a soft smile crossing the brunette’s lips. “If I said I wasn’t slightly jealous when I heard you and Kip got engaged. I didn’t think I’d ever stand a chance but I was still jealous about it.”

Penelope could feel her cheeks heating up, her mind having a hard time believing the words she was hearing, even after everything. Surely, she was talking about Kip, right?

“At least we could still be friends. Not that it helped a lot with the way I felt about you, but --”

Before Kris could finish her sentence, Penelope reached forwards, hands gently but firmly grabbing the back of her head, pulling the brunette closer and locking their lips together. Kris didn’t resist, she smiled a bit against the sudden show of affection, her hands reaching over to Penelope to mirror the hold she had on her, slowly responding to the soft kiss.

After a brief moment Penelope pulls back first, staying close as she observes Kris’ surprisingly calm demeanor compared to her flustered face, getting a soft giggle back from the brunette.

“I… I guess that settles where this story goes next, huh?”

Penelope nodded quickly, Kris leaning back closer, closing the gap between them as she stole another kiss on the blonde’s lips. “I’m sorry you’re not getting your fairy tale ending, but --”

“No,” Penelope whispered, mimicking her motions as she silenced Kris with a quick kiss of her own. “This is better. So, so much better.”

She said she loved me. She had as long as she’s known me, actually. She didn’t want to break his heart, but didn’t know how to tell him. She wanted to tell him she’s sorry. She’s really, really sorry she couldn’t do this sooner. She loves him, but in a different way. She hopes he can forgive her. I… I do love her though. I really, really do. Tell him I’m sorry too.

[cheesy-che]

for tmnt 40th asks!: 3 (for 2003), 19, 28, 35 and 36? :0c

TMNT’s 40th anniversary ask game!

Hello you! :3

19.) Who is your favorite ally?

Definitely April! She’s resourceful, and I see her acting as a cool, young aunt for the turtles. Or just an older friend, tbh. She is extremely caring and intelligent,  nothing stops her. I feel like she is one of the few who realizes (and makes them realize) that the TMNT are going through A LOT for teenagers. She’s grounded but also has her silly moments that are fun to watch. The way she cares about family values is one of the factors that explains why she stayed, in my opinion. 2003 April beloved…

28.) What is one thing you would like to see explored more in TMNT art/fics? You know the answer to this. You wanted me exposed, is that it? :’) I am absolutely obsessed with the concept of fluffy feelings in a world that’s harsh. (You might say I love “contrasts” or something.) These turtles deserve love and happiness that is exponential to the levels of trauma and adventures they endure. I have to admit I’m not very good at remembering the titles of the few fanfics that I read… but the ones I enjoyed the most are the ones shining light on how they are able to find joy in the little things while dealing with angst/trauma. How they can heal when receiving love and understanding from their brothers, their friends or even when OCs are thrown into the mix.

Most of the time, I love when the things they are going through are unsaid but very clear at the same time. The ninja turtles do a lot of that in canon. They are all sensible in their own ways, but I love to see the explanation being deeper in fanfics… which brings me to the fic that YOU wrote that I love so much, NERD. (Frost) 

TLDR : Fluff and angst!

35.) Which character relationships are your favorite to write/draw?

I don’t draw as much as I want to because I’m so out of practice and busy… hhhhhhhhhhh. I wish I did though… eventually… maybe… if I have enough self-confidence to post…..

As for writing, I’m obviously obsessed with my Original Character in the TMNT universe. She’s literally my muse. Writing about her relationship with any of the turtles makes me happy, but especially when I write about her interactions with Leonardo because I ship them :’). (I am cringe, but I am free.) 

But I think it goes along with what I wrote for the previous question. My favorite things to write about are when the four turtle brothers understand each other with little to no communication. Some things are simply too difficult to talk about, but they can communicate with actions and just be there for each other. I did write a piece forever ago here inspired by @sassatello’s Vacation AU… it’s probably bad HAHA – I TRIED…

As always, I don’t produce content as much as I want to because vague gesture of the hand capitalism, depression and all that. And I have to admit that the courage I need to actually post something sometimes is immense to me lol.

BUT YEAH… TLDR : Things left unsaid but completely understood by two or more characters. These characters being my OC x any turtle or any turtle x any turtle. I love all my sons.

36.) Which character do you have the hardest time writing/drawing?

Drawing : All of them. I straight up do NOT practice enough lol. Hence why I don’t often post my art.

Writing : For some reason, Michelangelo is the one that I have the most trouble writing with! He is lots of fun to write because I can just be sillier and more laid-back with the way he presents himself, but who knows what’s going on in that head of his LMAO. 

I feel like the three other turtles have a tendency to suppress their feelings in some way, and while he does it too, it’s very different. He’s more “jokey” and about it. We’ve seen how, in canon, he expresses what he thinks in a way that’s so casual it’s almost creepy lmaooooo. For example, in Grudge Match, Leonardo and him have this conversation when Leo suggests he can help Mikey with his training :

L : [...] to be so focused, so ready, that nothing and no one will ever catch you off guard again.

M : Um, we still talking about me here?

So like.. you KNOW that Mikey understood that his brother was troubled. But the way he expresses his worry with a joke? Bro. I love him so much for this HAHA but I have trouble recreating this in my writing.  ~ ~ ~

Thank you for reading my ramblings… I really appreciate it ;_; <3 

[alovelyburn]

I am a little worried this ask could be easily misunderstood as being in bad intent, especially seeing the amount of fans assigning every possible diagnosis, I mean the ones they consider “evil” (which I do find pretty ableist to be honest), to Griffith. Nevertheless I am quite interested in your opinion on the matter. So. Would you say that Griffith has some types of mental disorder? I do not know anything about you so I do not know if you have proper knowledge to actually determine him as such, nor if you are comfortable with answering this type of question, obviously feel free to ignore me, hiding behind anon, trying to get some answers from you😅. But I must admit, I can see some signs of different types in him? although it could be just projecting. I doubt it could be Miura actual intention, but I could be wrong, he did surprise me with his knowledge and openness in his interviews already. Doesn’t matter if you decide to post this, or not, I’m thankful for your content brightening my everyday and making poor little heart who feels such deep weird connection with Griffith so happy ❤️

Honestly, I mostly ignore the weirdos when it comes to Griffith diagnoses so I have no idea wtf they’re saying about him - I mostly see a lot of "sociopath" and "narcissist" but he doesn't actually qualify for either one so like.... mostly it’s a bunch of pop culture-fed armchair psychologists talking shit about characters they don't like.

AS FOR ME

I do know a fair amount about psychology - I guess more than your average person in an armchair playing Freud - but I am in no way a medical professional or qualified to be diagnosing people. Characters are extra difficult because we can only judge from what the writer puts on the page and even the most complex character is ruled by like... story logic, which obviously doesn't apply to real life.

Which is to say take it with a grain of salt regardless of who's saying it, but since you asked...

...for me personally, Griffith mostly comes off as having I guess a combination of ptsd (along with almost everyone in the series, lmao) and what's colloquially called Smiling Depression, which is a form of major depression with atypical presentation where the person internalizes their symptoms so that their emotional issues are invisible from the outside despite being just as debilitating internally.

If you're curious about it, you can read about that here, and here's a nutshell rundown from someone who is, let's stress this again, not a mental health professional:

The people most prone to this particular variant of depression will tend to be ambitious or perfectionistic. They may feel like a fraud - they may not even realize that what they're feeling is depression and certainly not a lot of people outside would know as they appear to be active, high-functioning individuals - even unusually high-functioning. They may even be seen as "perfect," with a steady job and healthy active social life, but they have few real friends or confidants and often unhealthy coping mechanisms. They often have poor  self-esteem and suffer from low self-worth. They may think that showing their feelings would be perceived as weakness and like they don't want to burden people with their problems. They may not have the energy deficits that people with more typical depression presentations have in public, but it may hit them when they're alone. Smiling Depression is considered by some to be potentially even more dangerous than typical depression because of the suppression, reluctance to seek help and, well, the excess of energy that they sometimes use in self-destructive ways? Thus they are sometimes at a high risk of suicide.

Now, was Miura sitting there thinking about what mental disorders Griffith might have had... no idea. I mean I wouldn't necessarily doubt it, he did talk about Griffith being unable to love women and probably being a victim of child abuse + his inability to reroute his life's path, so obviously he was thinking about Griffith's psychology.

But either way what I do think is that his own mindset colored the way he wrote Griffith - Miura has said that he was depressed while creating the Golden Age which is why the Eclipse so so extreme, for example - just like his own experience of childhood trauma and abuse obviously colored everything in the series and every character he wrote.

Plus Griffith (like Guts) is based on both him and Mori, and they were both depressive survivors of childhood abuse and/or neglect, so ptsd + depression seems to make sense.

Anyway, I don't know if that's what you were looking or hoping for, but hopefully it's interesting. <3

[theclearblue]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

I have, but luckily I enjoy gushing about some of my favorite characters aksjdklkgl so I'm happy to answer again! Last time I just listed some but this time I'll 1. Do a limit of one per series and 2. Give an actual description of why I love them. Also I'm so sorry this will be mostly animanga characters just because these characters stick in my head easier for some reason? My memory is truly awwwwful. (Also also this is by no means a definitive list or order, just some that I really really like).

Zoro (One Piece)

I feel like I've talked a fair length about Sanji and Robin and why I love them so much, but I have a little bit of a difficult time with Zoro. Fun fact before I started watching one of the few things I knew was that he was a fan favorite an was determined that I wouldn't like him that much, he's the "cool and badass and broody" one and I thought he was gonna be the kind of character similar to Megumi (JJK) or maybe Bakugou (MHA) both who I like but it's not favorite archetype. But then I realized. He's just a Guy. a Silly Guy. My man is stupid in such interesting and unique ways ajfdklsl. But what I REALLY love about his character is , yeah, he is kind of broody and reserved, but it seems more like a burden he puts on himself in order to protect the people he loves rather than a true reflection of himself. He cares SO much about the people that he loves and it's clear to me that his greatest fear is not being strong enough to protect them. His "I need to get stronger" attitude honestly seems to stem a looot from his anxieties and maybe even trauma around losing Kuina at such a young age. Ok I could talk forever about him and it's actually not difficult to pin down why I love him but I'll end it there.

2. Kenjaku (JJK)

I've kind of built a bubble within my online presence where I don't really see the vitriol, but I know this is REALLY not a popular opinion, and a lot of people are confused as to why I really like them (biggest offender is my sister who gives me shit for this constantly lmao). And I get it! Kenjaku is genuinely vile in what they have done (particularly as Kamo Noritoshi) and what they're trying to do with the merger. By all means he shouldn't (isn't) supposed to be likeable. But they REALLY captured my attention when I caught up to JJK back in August and read the Culling Games arc in full. For starters, silly guy, and I love silly guys (see above example). They're pretty unique where they fall into this "mad yet cold scientist" trope but...they're playful? They're genuinely excited about sorcery and will be kind of annoying where, for the life of them, they CANNOT read the room that everyone just doesn't care or actively hates them (which makes me a little sad honestly lol)? Little bits of information were just constantly intriguing (their relationship to Tengen, being a foil to Yuki, and not to even start on them being Yuji's mom). What really cemented it for me was the Takaba vs. Kenjaku fight though. Kenjaku before this seems driven to keep going for scientific curiosity, but it's clear to me that they're bored, disappointed, and even seem depressed a little bit ("And yet...there must be more to human potential"). But then Takaba comes along. And they honestly have an instant connection while also pushing each other in ways nobody has before. Isn't that insane on Kenjaku's part? They've been alive for over 1000 years!! They find someone who understands them, they might be enemies but they are a duo. Gahhh I could talk about Kenjaku forever they have so many layers and they just fascinate me SO much.

3. Yona (Yona of the Dawn)

One of my favorite protagonists of all time, without a doubt. And I didn't even like her in the beginning (you're not supposed to really). At the beginning of the series, she's honest to god, a spoiled brat. She whines, she complains, she's incredibly weak and takes people for granted. But good god, this is one of the best character arcs I have ever seen in my life. When her entire world is thrown upside down and she's betrayed by her childhood best friend, and has to go on the run with Hak, she just matures and grows into herself so beautifully. She travels around her kingdom for the first time and sees the complexity of the situation where, yeah, she lost her father because of Soo-Won, and that hurts still, but she understands why because it becomes kind of clear that her father was pretty incompetent as a ruler. If I picked one character on this list that just has the best character development, Yona sweeps I'm sorry.

4. Killua (HxH)

Ugh this really should be both Gon and Killua but if I had to choose one it's Killua. Another great example of amazing character development. At the beginning he's already a fun character to watch, he's easygoing and quippy and just cool honestly. But with his upbringing as an assassin he's clearly not very...well adjusted to what a normal life looks like. He's raised to be a cold and ruthless killer and nothing more, and that's reflected in the Hunter exam arc when he swipes a guy's heart from his chest without a second thought. But then he meets Gon, and for the first time in his life he gets to just be a normal 12 year old boy? And as he goes on this adventure you can just see him become more human to the point he can't ever return to how he was at the beginning of the series. And to have that parallel with Gon (particularly in the Chimera Ant arc) where Gon is losing his humanity while Killua gains it?? UGH I want to give this kid a hug so bad I love him.

5. Riza Hawkeye (FMA)

On this list because she sent me into my first gay panic (at least, the first one I was consciously aware of LMAO). God, what a woman. She is incredibly hot but I do love her character as well. It's hard to talk about her without also talking about Roy (and vice versa) because they are just SO intertwined, but god if there were ever soulmates, it's maybe them. Just the level of respect and trust they have in each other is unlike anything I've ever seen, where they both are so haunted by their pasts but they keep each other going and are able to so easily rely on each other? Ugh they're just so amazing, and with Riza seeing how strong she is where her own father uses her to protect flame alchemy, and her just 100% trust in Roy to burn the tattoo?? Wowowowowow she just. She changed me.

6. Anatole (The Great Comet of 1812/War and Peace)

Ok so um. My big secret is that I'm a Musical person. I really don't talk about it much here lmao, but when I tell you I was like. Obsessed with the musical The Great Comet of 1812 for a solid two years that's no joke. Which is just. If you don't know a musical that adapts about 90 pages from the novel War and Peace (stick with me here). And my even bigger secret is that I'm obsessed with Anatole, who is the villain/antagonist. Um he's not even particularly deep I don't think, he just sucks. But he captured my heart by being a silly guy. This man is an arrogant piece of shit man but also kind of a coward, and him singing the line "Just as a duck is made to swim in water, God has made me as I am" to justify him cheating, I-...it changed something in me. Never before or after have I wanted to dissect a character's brain so much in my life. He's maybe the first silly villain that I just really loved lmao, maybe there's a Anatole -> Kenjaku pipeline (this pipeline only exists for me and no one else in this world).

7. Toph (Avatar the Last Airbender)

God choosing between Zuko and Toph was difficult for this entry, but I want to talk about Toph lmao. Just. What a unique and refreshing female character where I still think her writing is ahead of it's time. Just on the surface she's so fucking cool right. What an introduction where she's soloing all these musclehead earthbenders and putting grown men into the dirt. And such good representation of a disabled character where she's clearly not incapable and the things she can do well, she does really really well! But she is faced with the reality of needing help sometimes and she's not ashamed to ask for it, and I think there's this really good balance struck with her character between these two factors. I think she also just blends into the gaang seamlessly while also challenging them in new ways, and vice versa, and they really don't seem complete without her.

8. Eurydice (Hadestown)

Ok oooonnnnneee more musical character and this is definitely more justified lmao. Another big secret is that I love Greek mythology, was obsessed with it as a kid and still am. And Hadestown twisting the Orpheus and Eurydice story into this grim early 20th century industrialist/capitalist setting with jazz elements?? I'm a history major I'm such a BIG nerd for shit like this, and this is the best iteration of Eurydice to me. In the original myth, she gets sent to the underworld because a snake bites her, there isn't any agency to it, it's just bad luck essentially. In the musical, she CHOOSES to go down with Hades to the underworld, and that small thing does wonders for her character. She obviously loves Orpheus, but the fact is, she's going hungry and growing cold, and where before she would run away, she stayed for her love of Orpheus. And then Hades slips in to offer her food and shelter for the exchange of labor, and she leaves to the underworld, not realizing the colossal mistake she just made. She's such a flawed character but you understand why she makes the mistakes she does, and her character is just so incredibly human.

9. Mob (Mob Psycho 100)

This kiiiiiiid. God I love him. Apologies to Gojo but this is just the best instance of an "OP" character. This kid has busted ass psychic powers, powers that people literally worship. Unfortunately this doesn't save him from any of the horrors that middle school presents. He can't talk to his crush, he kinda sucks at sports, and he has little to no social skills. And on top of that he feels the need to suppress his emotions due to the consequences of his powers? GAHHH I just think Mob is maybe one of the relatable characters ever, you can be the best at something but that doesn't save you from the growing pains that being a teenager presents! And just his journey of self acceptance and kindness and love is so heartwarming to see, the way he resolves his insecurities throughout the series just healed something in me too.

10. Sophie Hatter (Howl's Moving Castle)

HMC isn't even my all time favorite Ghibli movie (top 3 though), but it's certainly the one I've gone back to the most and that's in large part due to Sophie. At the beginning of the movie, she certainly isn't in a bad place in life but there is this...melancholy? sadness? to her where it seems life is more happening to her and she has zero self esteem. When the curse is placed on her and then we can literally see her character journey and the ups and downs being reflected in her appearance, it's just so unique and realistic. It's so satisfying to see her start to actually live her life, to gain confidence in all of her various states, and how she helps both her new found family and how they help her as well. Another character where her development is just unmatched.

Thank you for sending this ask, I had a lot of fun rambling here <3

[kiwiana-writes]

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

Ahhhhh this is such a great question pal!

🕯️ was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn’t think it would take you?

Semi-related to the earlier answer about how much I Process Shit On Main, anything where a POV character's depression gets real ends up being really hard on me to write, because I end up taking all those emotions on. Specifically, chapter 6 of SC angstapalooza and chapter 12 of RWRB actor AU were both absolutely brutal on me as a writer, because I absolutely got dragged down into the Deep Dark Feelings of it all which in turn, unsurprisingly, makes it very difficult to write 😂

I also wasn't expecting kink!verse to turn into what it turned into when I wrote part one lmao. I just... hate writing endings and in my desire to wrap up the story accidentally kicked off a whole canon-adjacent verse 😅

[Let’s Get REAL fic writer asks]

[jojameswinter]

Broad question but what do you think happened during kiaras kook year? With Sarah? Rafe? The Cameron’s as a whole? The boys? Any theories or guesses at all?

AH kook year speculation!!!! Sorry this took me a bit, but I was really thinking about how to answer each part of it!

I've seen varying takes and I never get tired of thinking about it! It's just so interesting and I really hope OBX will expand on it!

What happened: My most recent imagining was that Kie was basically in a dark hole/depressed at the Kook academy and when Sarah befriended her, things started to turn around. She went along with everything and did what she had to do to survive in Kook society - if she saw JJ, she wouldn't be able to hide herself away with him/face it all and she separated the two worlds. 

With Sarah: We have the explanation in canon, but they don't get super in depth with what exactly went down. The whole thing read like a crush to me whether the writers intended that or not, on Kie's part or both their parts. I also have imagined Sarah basically feeling insecure about Kie's independence/originality and not fitting in with Kooks (in a good way) and it was easier to reject her than face her own insecurities.

Rafe: I think he was definitely lurking/creepy older brother. I'm not sure if anything major happened between him and Kie more than just him being around, but? Maybe? I don't mind their dynamic, just personally don't want it to be romantic.

The Camerons as a whole: Well I’d just really love some explanation on their mother lmao. Please Pates, throw us a bone and explain at least ONE of the missing mothers??? Anyway Ward....I imagine was committing crimes and still pretending he’s the King of Figure Eight lol. I also would love more background on him though - his upbringing in the cut, his relationship with Big John.

The boys: AH the boys...hm. I've seen spec that JJ is the first to cut Kie off during the Kook year and that he's the last...and I think both could be true/in character with the circumstances. More recently, I've written it as he was the last to let go, but of course took it the hardest. I think it would be hard for him to accept her back because of his abandonment issues, but also, if he knew what went down with her I think he’d be there for her in a heartbeat. In canon, he’s pretty protective with her about it, so it makes me think he might know more. I think Pope and JB were also upset, but not too difficult to win back over. Though we do see Pope giving her shit about it and Kie maybe overcompensating with JB for her absence, so the kook year ramifications definitely still linger.

14 MORE DAYS BESTIE!!!!!! LET’S SEE HOW MANY ANSWERS WE GET ABOUT THE KOOK YEAR 🤡❤️

[santademikey]

🍓🎂💖🎀👖 for an oc of your choice !!! (or a few :))

i shall do this for the three of them !! :)

🍓 strawberry— do they eat their fruit & veg? what is their favourite fruit or vegetable?

ivy - vi’s not really a fan of fruit or veg so she doesn’t eat them often at all, but she does quite like tomatoes.

flo - hates veg but loves fruit. her faves are blueberries and grapes!

audra - aud eats both quite happily, but her favourite veg are carrots. she has no idea why.

🎂 birthday cake— when is their birthday? do they like celebrating it?

ivy - early february. vi practically becomes a different person on her birthday lmao she loves everything about it. it reminds her of when she was little!

flo - late march. she hates it, to her it’s just another day. she loves celebrating other people’s special days though :)

audra - late august and she does not like to celebrate. she’d never admit it because she loves her family but i think that her birthday just makes her depressed because of that fact that she was given up by her birth mother only days after so. yeah.

💖 sparkling heart— are they a subtle or a showy lover?

ivy - subtle. although if this girl loves you, you’ll know about it lmao.

flo - she likes to think she’s subtle, but she’s showy af. danny knew she had feelings for him since the moment they met— not that he’d ever tell her that, of course :)

audra - 100% subtle. so subtle in fact, that people tend to not notice she fancy’s them.

🎀 ribbon— how would they fit into other worlds / aus? what aus would you like to try out? what fictional world would they fit / not fit into?

this was such a difficult question to answer :,)

ivy - ivy could possibly fit in mafia 3’s world? i think she’d get along well with nicki considering they both fix cars n shit. i also think she’d be freaked out by the lack of cellphones lmao.

flo - i’m honestly not sure! i’d say gta, but i think she’s almost too ‘normal’ (?) for that.

audra - audra’s pretty chill so i think she’s be fine in any fictional world, really.

👖 jeans— what is their go-to outfit?

ivy - an old lovefist shirt trev accidentally shrank in the wash, some skinny jeans, and black sneakers. OH AND a leather jacket for when she’s on her bike (she tends to wear an old one she stole from miles :)

flo - loafers, bell bottoms, a nice teal cardigan and danny’s racing jacket :)

audra - a red tshirt paired with linc’s dogtags (that she steals. continuously) and some bell bottoms. + some white sneakers!

send me an ask about an oc of mine!!! :D