#depression cooking

[thestudentfarmer]

Nov 14 2024

I finally found a store with beef fat! :D

Where i live we don't exactly have butchers, and a butcher tends to be more like a corner quick grocer with a counter of preseasoned raw for grill meats (no plain cuts or fat, organs etc)

I've been looking so i can use the fat for cooking and soapmaking.

I got 6.8 lbs of raw beef fat this time.

Since it's big chunks and renders better in smaller peices I ut the fat up into squares like so,

Now you can render on the stove top, rendering just takes ages.

I prefer and suggest a crock pot, set it on low and let it just do it's thing overnight at least. The next morning you can start siphoning the tallow from the crock.

I ended up with 3 and about a half a pint.

Not enough for soaping, but next time i know to ask for more if they'll save it.

Now, this tallow could be rendered again to get it very creamy white (none of those lil brown spots) but since I'll be using this up quick for food cooking I'm just gonna leave it as is.

Re render is as easy as cleaning the leftover "fat-meat" bits out of the crock or pot and pouring in to rerender up to a day. Repour while fine filtering. Cool and go from there.

Now how can I use this, One might ask. Particularly if your not familiar with using fat instead of say spray on, Olive oil, etc.

Honestly using tallow is rather just as easy as using other fats, easier once you learn how to use it It has a high smoke/burn point as well.

We use it for frying eggs, chicken, potatoes and more,

I use it in place of butter, crisco ( Soybean Oil, Fully Hydrogenated Palm Oil, Palm Oil, and a few more) and vegetable oil (which did you know is soybean oil and corn oil mix?).

For making bread, cakes, cookies and more at home. (Including soap if i have enough)

🐄 🌱Happy Homesteading and Cooking! 🌱 🐄

[lowspoonstuff]

Stabbed potato

Cheapness: 5/5 Easiness: 5/5 (alternative - 4/5) Tastiness: 4/5 (alternative - 5/5) Tools: microwave, bowl, fork, knife Minimum: -potato Medium: + mayo or milk + spices + cheese Short instructions: - wash potato - stab in with a fork at least in 5 different places - microwave for 3-5 minutes on max depending on the size of the potato - cut in half - munch the potato out of the skin - repeat until no longer hungry Longer instructions (with options): - Wash the potato - Stab it with a fork at least in 5 different places OR peel and cut the potato into chunks - Put the potato into the microwave for 3-5 minutes on max. If chunked, it's best to cover the potato with a microwave lid or plastic wrap with some holes in it. ~ If you're not sure about the timing, do 3 minutes, then stab it a bit to see if it's soft, then do 2 more minutes if it's not - Extra step: Cover the microwaved potato in spices, mayo/a splash o milk, cheese and whatever else you can scrounge up. Alternatively, put the cheese in, microwave on low for a minute, then add the rest o the stuff. Melted cheese! - Extra step 2: mash it up and add milk and butter for extra cozyness. Absolutely unnecessary though and kinda hard to do with a fork. - Repeat until no longer hungry! Pro tip: dw too much about the microwave time, eating a bit of slightly undercooked potato isn't gonna be a big deal for most people. You'll be ok! tbh i was sleeping on potatoes and hating them for a very long time, but this is top tier "i just gotta get some food in my mouth" kind of food" ngl

[depressioncookbook]

Tortilla Pizza

Ingredients:

Flour tortillas

Tomato paste (I recommend the tube kind over the cans)

Dried Oregano (optional)

Shredded cheese (Italian or Mexican blends both work fine)

Instructions:

Put the baking sheet in the oven and then preheat the oven to 350F.

In a mug, mix tomato paste and a little bit of water until you get the desired consistency and add the oregano if desired.

Put a flour tortilla on the hot baking sheet. (If you want a crisper "crust" you can put the tortilla in the oven for a minute before adding toppings.) Spoon the tomato paste mixture onto the tortilla and spread around with the back of the spoon. Top with shredded cheese.

Bake for 6-8 minutes, depending on how cooked you like your cheese.

Best eaten hot so I recommend making them one at a time.

[max-the-mouse]

i was high as shit last night and documented this edible cookie dough i made. used a recipie but i HATE cups and table spoons so i just made it proportions. I used an old pickle jar and a spoon to measure!!

1 part brown sugar

1 part melted butter

2 parts flour (heat treat (i did not but im a clown))

1/10ish part grabulared sugar

1/20ish part vanilla extract

here is the setup (bowl and kettle set up is bc i dont have a michael wave and dont care to spend money on one)

here is how i meausred brown sugar and butter. forgot to take a pic of the butter in the jar but i marked it :3 also make sure to compact the brown sugar, i used a honey thingy (like the thing you dip in honey??)

MIX WELL

added sugar (1 spoonful) mix well!

flour!! 1 whole jar. mix it in bit by bit. added another spoonful bc it was too wet. i forgot about vanilla and salt to i added them after lol :3c you can p much measure these with your heart.

rolled him up in saran wrap and tucked him away in the fridge!!! easy peesy :3

[aeonknight]

First Recipe: I call this one "I'm Mad McDonalds Discontinued the Snack Wrap"

Take some chicken tenderloins, either raw or fried from the grocery store.

If using fried, cook as the packaging labels

If using raw, bake at 350 F for 20 minutes, make sure the inside is cooked all the way through. You can also pre-prep this step, and just shove it in the oven for like 5 minutes or the microwave for a bit if it's already cooked.

Take a tortilla. Cover it in a dressing if your choice, I like ranch. Put the chicken in there. You can cut it up if you feel up to it, or you can just throw it in whole. Add some shredded cheese. Add some lettuce if you want, I don't because I don't want to cut it and I don't like the texture. Throw whatever other veggies you like on it. Bam, it's basically a salad but it's a lot easier to eat.

Second Recipe: The World's Easiest Tacos

Cut some chicken up. Cook it in a pan on the stove. You can pre-prep this just like the other recipe, and it's useful to have a lot of chicken that can be used for a lot of recipes.

After that chicken's mostly cooked through, throw like a little bit of water in there and then add some taco seasoning. Throw on a YouTube video and stir for a bit until it's mostly cooked in.

Heat some shells. If soft, toss them in the microwave under a damp paper towel for 30 seconds. If they're hard shells, throw them in the oven at 350 for like 5 minutes.

Use the cheese and veggies you have from the other recipe to prepare your taco however you want. Maybe throw some sour cream on there too if you're feeling frisky. You can always heat up more shells, and if you have leftover chicken, you can save it and it heats in the microwave super well.

The only ingredient you have to actually cook is the chicken, which can be pre-prepped and makes great leftovers.

Recipe 3: Curry (Yes really, I promise it's really easy)

Take the chicken I know you have. It can either be pre-prepped or whatever. Get it all cut up into pieces. Put it aside for later.

Throw some oil in a pan, 12 inch because it's going to get deep, then throw in some diced onion if you want. Saute that baby until it's golden brown. Add in minced garlic and ginger. You can buy them minced, I've also used ginger paste before which sounds gross but I promise it's good. Saute those lads too, for 30 seconds. Add curry powder, and then saute that again for another 30 seconds.

Poor in a cup of chicken broth (which you can also get as a paste for conveniece), and stir that all together. Then add 3/4 cup diced tomatoes. (These two things are the only things I measure because I don't want my pan to overfill).

Poor all that good shit into a blender. The recipe I use wants me to use a lid, take the insert out, and then cover with a cloth. That's dumb, I just poor it into a deep, thin bowl or pitcher and use a hand blender.

Add salt and cayenne pepper to taste, I usually just skip that bit though. Then add the chicken. Lower to a simmer, and cover it. Throw some rice on to cook while the curry cooks for like 10 minutes.

If it's too thick, add some more chicken broth. If it's too thin, add a mix of cornstarch and water (not too much corn starch or it will turn into oobleck and you do not want to eat cooked oobleck, I've done it before. Not recommended.)

Stir in some heavy cream. I usually forget to do this and it still tastes fine though, so it's whatever. Boom, serve that over some rice and it's amazing. This is by far the most high-effort meal, but the beauty of it is that you can basically skip any part and it'll still taste good. I've done it without onion, without cream, with pretty much every kind of garlic and ginger, with vegetable broth instead of chicken broth, and I one time even forgot the curry powder. Basically as long you do the tomatoes and some amount of garlic and ginger and broth, it's great. Probably don't forget the curry powder, but it'll taste fine even if you do. The blending sucks, but it's not that bad if you have a hand blender.

Question for the five people and the random porn-blogs that folllow me: I'm trying to make a zine collecting a bunch of depression-friendly recipies (mainly meaning recepies that require as little preparation as possible). All the recepies I have so far are gluten-free as I'm a celiac and I'm generally looking for a bit more diversity...

Any ideas?

[eatingplantswithnopants]

a story

i woke up from an amazing depression nap and i cooked myself a delicious depression meal consisting of only two ingridients. when my stomach was full of nutriotionally-questionable goodness, a spark of inspiration flew so close to my head that it was enough to plant a very stupid unrealistic idea in it. i thought to myself: what if i made a blog? cooking is one of my long lost passions that don't bring any joy anymore and i've been in the depression business for many years now, i'm kind of a proffessional. i searched for a depression cooking blog on this beautiful, wonderful website in hopes that someone may had already done this for me, but after a thorough 2-minute searched i found nothing. well, not exactly nothing. there were some amazing blogs, kudos to them, but i felt like the depressed vegans of tumblr may feel insatiable with the selection. moreover, i felt like the recipes were not up to my standard (dicing an onion is a little bit extreme), so i decided to make an attempt. this is probably my last post. goodbye.

[dcxdpdabbles]

Me sitting here rereading the adopted son looking like the try not to cry meme waiting for you to absolutely wreck me with the next part

Dick wakes groggy, every part of him sore like he was one giant bruise. It didn't make sure. He doesn't think he was hit recently, but the urge to stretch his arms and legs is almost overwhelming with the desire to ease his pain.

He had not felt stiffness in a very long time, having always been able to move and control his body however he wanted. The last time he felt like this was when Bruce introduced him to a fighting style that was more stationary and went against his natural reflexes.

He might have to do basic morning stretches to get his flexibility and help with the weighted feeling.

He goes to do just that when he feels the restraints on all four of his limbs hinder his movement. Dick's head loads to the side, staring down at the metal clasp tightly against his wrists. He blinks owlishly at it, static blurring in his mind as he tries to compute what the hell is happening.

Slowly gazing around, he concludes he's in a dark room, with the only light hanging over his head like a makeshift spotlight. Usually, his eyes would work rather well in the dark—years of running around the city at night as Robin and Nightwing helped condition them—but the bright light over his head put enough of a strain on his pupils that he couldn't make anything else around him in contrast.

He was wearing his pajamas, the ones Raven had switched him into, using her magic to avoid his skin as much as possible.

She had Kori hold him up because Dick hadn't had the strength to do it himself. Did that explain the soreness? Why had he felt so exhausted? What had he been doing?

It's all a blur for a few moments when an image appears in his mind with utter clarity.

It's Crowne crying in a police cruiser.

It all comes rushing back like a breaking dam, including his depressed state of rotting away as the world moves on and the mysterious intruders who broke into the Manor.

Oh crude.

It takes a moment for his mind to catch up to his situation. Sadly, by the time he realizes he was likely kidnapped, the door to his room opens.

The light emanating from the hallway is brighter than the spotlight on Dick, which makes it hard to make out any details about the person who walks through, but he does pick up the fact the tile is pure white and the wall behind him is pained in black.

Standing in the doorway, just observing him, is the very same figure Dick was thinking of. The same all-black clothing, half-covered face, and burning blue eyes stare back at him. This time there is no anger in them, though; all Dick can make out from those blue iris is cold indifference, studying Dick like a bug stuck underneath a needle during a scientific study.

Dick's eyes flicker to the hallway again, attempting to gather more information from the environment than the stranger. Usually, that wouldn't narrow anything down, but Bruce had always advocated that any clue was helpful, including the decor of his kidnappers.

One never knows when a seemingly innocent wallpaper could pinpoint a location because of its uniqueness. The fact the door slipped up and down to close indicated that whoever had taken him was likely more technically advanced than an average grunt.

It did make sense, seeing as they had snatched Dick from the middle of the Wayne Manor surrounded by not only the Bats but the Teen Titans too.

Sadly, with the door closed, it plunges the room into more darkness, effectively shadowing the small figure. Dick feels a lick of unease as the sound of footsteps echoes throughout the room.

He was circling Dick, walking around him like a shark ready to pounce.

"Finally, you are more aware." The person says, voice shockingly young. Male and, if Dick concentrated enough, somewhat familiar. "Good. The whole pathetic, sad bit was getting old. Especially with the fact you were the one who caused your downward spiral."

"What would you know of the pain I went through?" Dick demands, not paying mind to the odd things they are saying. He knew villains rarely, if ever, made sense, but he needed more information.

"I know plenty, seeing as you were the one who stole my brother from me!" The disembodied voice snaps, sounding a little closer than before. He's on Dick's right side now, which meant he had redone his loop.

"What, brother?" Dick asks, eyes shifting through the darkness. He makes out a darker blur just to the left of him and keeps it within his provisional vision, aware that if he turns his head or follows with his eyes, then the perk may be agitated into aggression.

"Don't play dumb with me, Nightwing," The boy hisses, sending a shot of alarm down Dick's spine. He's not in his vigilante gear, which means this person knew who he was going in to take him. "We both know the truth now. You were lying to him for months, telling him you loved him and making him think you cared before you took him away!"

Dick figures out who it is just as the blur finally steps out of the shadows to slam his hands on the arm handles of his chair. He fights a wince as the open palm slaps sting around his wrist but refuses to show the crazed little boy an inch of weakness.

A healthy response to all of Bruce's training, including his other teachers over the years, was how to keep a level head in hostage situations

Tim Drake glares at him with near-manic eyes, his black cloth doing nothing to hide his sneer. "Where is Danny? Where have you taken him!?"

A flash of hurt burns across Dick's chest; the near-crushing weight of heartbreak would have brought him to his knees were he not tied to a chair.

As he meets Drake's eyes, it takes everything to cover up his reaction to that name. "He's locked up where he will pay for his crimes."

"He didn't do anything wrong!" Drake sneers, pushing away from Dick to pace back and forth. He's half hidden in the shadows now, only his feet visible, but Dick does not take his eyes off of him. He doesn't want to know what else he could do if skilled enough to break into the Manor. "Danny was just trying to help."

"Human trafficking was just help? He's a menace!" Dick snaps and is rewarded with a slap across the face. It stings, but it's not as alarming as the speed at which Drake moved.

Dick hadn't even seen it coming until seconds before his palm touched his cheek.

"Danny wasn't selling kids! He was rescuing them, moving them from dangerous situations because you and the government couldn't be bothered to help those without voices." Drake spat, hate dripping from every syllable. "If any of you had bothered to even look for the kids, you would know that!"

"He kidnapped them. He used corrupted CPS agents to move them out of city bounds, changed their names, and placed them in homes that gave the highest bidding. That's the very definition of trafficking!"

Drake hisses something under his breath; it's in a language he's never heard before, but it doesn't sound entirely human. Shit, did Drake have extraterrestrial allies?

"What other options was there? You, of all people, know there is no more room in Gotham. Or did you forget your time in juvie just because there was no space anywhere before Brucie Wayne felt the need to take pity on the local circus freak?" Drake spits, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

Having heard the same thing from various people since he was nine, Dick did not react to the taunt. He is a bit uncomfortable that Drake knows of Dick's placement the first few weeks following his parent's deaths.

There should be no public record of that, as he wasn't sent to juvie for any crime. It was just the only place available with space. In his file, the only thing that indicated his stay there was the sentence "Emergency foster house twenty-three nine-teen," which happened to be the cell number they stuck him in.

Bruce had made an effort not to let that information leak since it embarrassed Dick and had buried it in piles and piles of legal actions. Not even Jason or Barbra could find it, even after they actively went looking for Dick's information. Just how much did Drake know?

"Whatever. It doesn't matter. Your government dogs can't get to the kids; Danny had a policy in place, and everyone involved knew the risks. They may spend the rest of their lives in prison, but they helped children, and they all would do it again. Those that age out are untouchable, and those that escaped will be hidden until their eighteen birthdays." Drake sighs, moving back to stand in front of Dick. His voice is unnervingly under control as if the fit he just had never happened.

This wasn't a boy with a regular imbalance; this was one who could and would think logically when hurting others. A sociopath, and worse, a dangerous one.

Drake's cold, emotionless eyes suddenly overwhelm Dick's sight as the boy leans in very close to hiss. "What matters is where you have Danny. Tell me where he is."

"He's in jail while they get his Blackgate cell nice and warm for him-"

Drake slaps Dick again, voice hard as steel but not raised. Not screaming. Just even, almost soft, were it not for the threat that lingers in each word. "Don't lie. Danny was never sent there."

"What? Of course, he was. After his arrest, he was taken to jail pending his trial." Dick insisted, watching as Drake's eyes ran over his face as if searching for fault in his words. "Everyone saw his arrest on TV!"

"You don't know," Drake mutters, leaning back and rubbing his chin. He isn't looking at Dick anymore, not really, but his eyes are trained on Dick's face. "Danny vanished a few hours after his arrest. There is no indication he was moved to any jail or police holding unit. There was a shift in guard, seeing as Officer Black was too emotionally compromised to finish. He hit Danny too many times not to count it as police brutality. I thought the Justice Leauge had taken him during that change in gaurd, but if it wasn't you, and it wasn't the government, then who has Danny?"

What?

"The hell are you talking about?" Dick demands, but Drake isn't listening anymore; he walks back into the shadows, his footsteps somehow louder than before as the door reopens.

This time, there is a small group of figures on the other side, each varying in size and gender, but one thing is clear.

They are all children.

The missing children from Crowne's ring, Dick is sure of it even if they all have half of their faces covered to protect their identity. A few of them send glares at Dick, but most are staring at Drake with anticipation.

One brave little girl, based on her voice steps forward.

She addresses Drake with an odd little salute, one closed fist smacking her chest before she twists her wrist, causing her fist to move forward and drags her hand down. "Leader?"

"He didn't take Danny," Drake announces, and a few shoulders drop in disappointment. "In fact, I'm starting to think no human did. Someone or something else is at play here."

"But…what about the Parkers?" A boy, older, maybe later teenage years, demands. He sounds worried, angry and frantic all mixed into one."They got sent to prison because of me!"

"They did not. They knew the risks and still chose to give you a good home. Don't worry; once we find Danny, we will be able to save the Parkers." Drake assured.

One of the children gestures at Dick, voice dipping into disgust. "What do we do with him?"

"Leave him be for now. We don't know when Grayson will come in handy for a hostage trade." Drake answers, not even bothering to glance in Dick's direction. "For now, we move as planned. Are the videos set to go?"

"Yes, Leader, they will broadcast over every open screen in the whole city. Everyone who ever talked bad about Danny is going to eat their words." Another boy, younger than Drake, it sounded like, announces holding up a tablet.

Drake takes it, considering the screen before gesturing for them to move. "Good job, team. By this time tomorrow, the world will never look at the Waynes the same again."

The group parts allow Drake to stride forward, and the door slams down again, leaving Dick to remain in his only source of light.

He sits there in confusion, wondering what the hell Drake was going on about. Obviously, Danny is facing justice for what he has done. Where else could he be?

It's not like people just vanish from government custody.

Did they?

A small horrifying thought starts to take root in Dick's mind as he carefully feels around his restraints, hoping to escape them.

What if Crowne was never the one selling the kids? What if someone else had framed him, and now that Dick had exposed him, they had chosen to silence him?

What if….Dick truly killed the man he loved?

Or what if Drake had it all wrong and was brainwashed like Harley Quinn with the Joker? How else would Crowne know to put policies that ensure the children were not found the moment he was captured? And what were they planning to do to the Waynes?

There were too many questions, not enough answers, and not nearly enough reassurance that everything would work out. For the first time in days, motivation and intent lit in Dick, and the broken-hearted man was gone.

Now, all that was left was one of the greatest heroes in the world, and he was ready to figure out what the hell was going on. He needed to get out of here.

He needed to find Crowne, there was obviously more then met the eye.

[injuries-in-dust]

"Look like a reanimated mannequin."

[dungeonmechoui]

Unprofessional yuri save me.. save me unprofessional yuri.. (image description in alt text)

[lil-gingerbread-queen]

Harley joining the batfam be like.

(More shenanigans under the cut)

Harley: Bats! I have a gift for ya! Batman: ... What is this? Harley: A club's membership's card! Batman: ... Harley: And I've some for the commie, his daughter and your big red riding hood.

The cards in question:

(yes, she drew the pictures. Jason is Bat Brat for reasons)

[something-something-peaceful]

Oh boy time for a recipe that’ll probably be thrown into the forgotten depths

Chocolate lemon cupcakes

Chocolate cupcakes

* 1 cup (130g) all-purpose flour

* 1 cup (207g) sugar

* 6 tbsp (43g) unsweetened cocoa powder

* 1 tsp baking soda

* 1/2 tsp salt

* 1 large egg

* 1/2 cup (120ml) buttermilk

* 1/2 cup (120ml) vegetable oil (I used a majority of olive oil and used about 1/4 cup vegetable oil, I didn’t specify any better because fuck you and I don’t wanna)

* 1 tsp vanilla extract

* 1cup (120ml) hot coffee

Lemon Curd:

* 4 large eggs

* 1 cup granulated sugar

* 1/2 cup lemon juice fresh squeezed, from one large lemon

* 1 Tbsp lemon zest from one large lemon

* 6 Tbsp unsalted butter cubed

Frosting

* 1 cup (240 ml) heavy cream, cold

* 2 tablespoons (16 g) powdered sugar

* 1 teaspoon (3 g) cornstarch

* 1 teaspoon (2.5 ml) vanilla extract

For the cupcakes

1. Preheat oven to 300°F (148°C) and prepare a cupcake pan with liners.


2. Add the flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda and salt to a large mixing bowl and combine. Set aside.

3. Add the egg, milk, vegetable oil and vanilla extract to another medium sized bowl and whisk together to combine.

4. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and mix until well combined.

5. Add the water to the batter and mix until well combined. The batter will be very thin.

6. Fill the cupcake liners about half way and bake for 18-23 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out with a few moist crumbs. (I have a shitty oven so I added ten more minutes to the bake time after I checked if it was fully cooked, just start off with 5 minute increments, if you want to be more cautious) 


7. Remove the cupcakes from oven and allow to cool for 2 minutes, then remove to a cooling rack to finish cooling.

Lemon Curd:

* Place eggs and sugar into a small pot, whisk to combine. Add lemon juice, zest, and butter. Cook over medium-low heat whisking constantly until mixture thickens and coats the back of a spoon.


* Transfer to a glass bowl and lay plastic wrap directly on the surface to prevent a skin from forming. Chill for 1 hours to almost set. 


Frosting

1. Chill the Bowl and Whisk: Begin by chilling your mixing bowl and whisk (or whisk attachment) in the freezer for at least 15 minutes. This helps the cream whip up faster and increases volume.

2. Combine Dry Ingredients: Mix powdered sugar and cornstarch in a small bowl. This ensures even distribution of the cornstarch in the whipped cream.

3. Whip the Cream: Pour the cold heavy cream into the chilled bowl. Using an electric mixer, start whipping the cream at a low speed, gradually increasing to medium-high as it thickens.

4. Add Sugar and Cornstarch: Once the cream starts forming soft peaks, gradually add the sugar and cornstarch mixture, continuing to whip.

5. Add Vanilla Extract: As the mixture thickens to stiff peaks, add the vanilla extract and continue to whip until well incorporated and the cream holds stiff peaks. (Probably make the frosting after the cupcakes have fully set)

Assembly

1. Remove the core of the cupcakes with a knife or a cupcake corer, you need a hole

2. Put almost solid curd in the center of the cupcakes, preferably with a piping tip.

3. Let curd set fully in the cupcakes for 1 hour more

4. Pipe on frosting, and serve

**note that this is posted on the same day is was baked, I can’t say how well the whipped cream frosting will hold up.

**a large cookie scoop helps with filling the cupcake liners. I used 2 scoops of the largest one I had

**normally you’re supposed to fluff your flour, but I was worried it would be too liquidy so I just scooped the flour from the container, like a heathen.

** I know I should half the recipe for the lemon curd, because there was a little left and it was overflowing out of the cupcakes a little, but it could be the fact the cupcake holes weren’t big enough. It wasn’t that much plus, you could mix the cake that’s left over from the removal of the middles with it, so idk.

I suppose I should put a useless story like all other blogs.

It was my possible step brother’s birthday and there was a mix up with the 2 cakes. Instead of chocolate raspberry and vanilla lemon cake, the bakery mixed up the flavors and reversed it. And me being weird I kinda liked it. So here’s a recipe that basically makes that cake. Why are these so long? Like that story was simple and easy. You could easily just say “my mom made this a lot when I was a kid.” Like I’m pretty good at writing a whole essay about something that doesn’t matter, evidence and an explanation, everything you could need. Would anyone even read this? It’s a recipe on tumblr, if I posted this on Pinterest maybe but even then most people I know don’t like citrus and chocolate. I offered some cupcakes to my grandma but I actively left out that the custard is lemon flavored, because I knew she’d make a virtual face at it. I want to show my creations but I can’t do that when no one is willing to try it. My mom was easy to convince because sugar. This is long because that’s the whole joke, for this whole piece about a simple story to be far too long when people just want the recipe. Would this bit even work? It’s all at the end, not at the beginning like every other blog does but I understand how frustrating that shit is. And like since I’m dragging it out it’ll only be more of a nuisance to the people wanting to see the recipe. Should I just half the lemon curd recipe? Do people even read the notes about the recipe? I sure don’t also. I also should’ve put proportions sizes but I don’t wanna put effort in remembering or counting. 8+6+1…. Uhhhh 15 cupcakes that I made. How likely is it that government secrets are put in these long bullshit paragraphs? I hope I get some criticism on this recipe there was a fair amount of research and rewriting. I forgot the name for cupcake liners btw, I had to ask my mom what they were called so that was a little awkward because I was making some more notes on the recipe while doing so. I wonder how I’m going to transport those cupcakes, I mean my grandma’s house isn’t that far of a walk but also it’s kinda hot and I don’t have any boxes also it’s night. Is this paragraph long enough that the joke gets hammered in? I don’t think it’s long enough but I could be wrong, I suppose I should write some more nonsense to add to the word count. Anbdndjdjelskxnjskwjsjzjksnsbsjkwksbhsjsksnsbsjkwndnzjsknwnsjsksks. Space. Ajkdndjoelndkkpl high ndkskskskndjjdksksnnsjsk. I got my cats some new toys recently, they’re touch activated and they make noises and move around. Of course I think they primarily like them because of the cat nip. I think I’m going to stop writing this, I’m getting bored and I don’t have much to say rn.………………………………………………………………………………………… I hope I don’t explode after this…………………………………….. my phone is spacing out this out weirdly, idk what that’s about…………………………………………………………………..do you think aliens are real?………………………………………are ghosts real?……………………………………………………………………. How do food bloggers end these anyways? I’ve never read the paragraphs but they have to at some point, right? ……………………………………………………………………..I think half the reason why food bloggers have such long paragraphs is because we’re encouraged to make a whole essay whenever we’re writing something. I know I am…………………………I’m probably wrong……………………. It probably forces more ads onto the screen at once………………….aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…………… I know it doesn’t matter but I wonder how the tumblr algorithm works, like do they prefer to show longer or shorter posts? Of course it could be our decreasing attention spans. I like spam, it’s not that bad, of course I’m probably a couple of sprinkles of salt away from death……………..I’m tired……………………… I think it’s time to stop typing, I think my space button is starting to die.

[mishafletcher]

you know how people are always like, 'someone should write a cookbook that's actually easy'? i wrote it (amazon us link). i actually did it a while ago, but i finally got my shit together enough that it's widely available as both an ebook and a paperback, so i figured i'd mention it again.

you can buy the ebook almost literally anywhere, including on amazon, kobo, indigo, thalia, booktopia, gumroad, and pretty much anywhere else you care to buy ebooks.

you can also buy a print book almost literally anywhere, including amazon, indigo, powells, waterstones, and basically any other bookseller.

this is a book for everybody, anywhere, who has limited, time, energy, or resources to make food. here's what i assumed:

you don't want to spend a bunch of time and energy cooking

you can't afford to eat nothing but takeout

you probably don't have access to Brands, because Brands are expensive and region locked.

you probably don't have a bunch of gadgets—there's no slow cookers or instant pots in this book

that's about it. there are vanishingly few measurements, and when there are, they're both imperial and metric. i'm from the us, but live in australia, and you can purchase 99% of the ingredients mentioned at the nearest supermarket in either country. when i was formatting this for print distribution, i also checked tesco and used my terribly bad german to check rewe to make sure this was as broadly accessible as possible, and they have basically everything, as well.

i wrote it for you. if you have more questions, you can see a couple sample recipes here and the answers to frequently asked questions here. If that's not enough, my ask box is open.

[lowspoonstuff]

Tofu pasta

Cheapness: 5/5 Effort: 3/5 Tastiness: 3/5 Tools: pan. bonus: bowl, pot, something to marinade tofu in. Minimum: - pasta - tofu - Soy sauce (or oyster sauce or fish sauce, smth like that. a sweet and sour/spicy sauce is also ok i think) - some spices (anything you got honestly) Optionals: (+taste, but +effort) Medium: + tomatoes + milk + cheese + oil Hard: + A Green + Lemon juice + Garlic Instructions (short and bare minimum): 1. Boil the pasta 2. Fry the tofu. Add spices and the sauce on both sides. 3. Put the tofu on the pasta. Instructions (with details and options): 0. (extra) If you want, marinade the tofu in soy sauce, lemon juice, garlic, spices. Cut the tofu in pieces, cut it partially, or don't cut at all - whatever feels doable 1. Boil pasta in the pot or the pan. 1. 5 Medium: remove the pasta, turn the heat up, cut tomatoes, throw them in. Throw in some spices (no salt, you'll get that w/ the tofu stuff!) + any of the optionals: A Green, lemon juice, garlic. Wait a bit. Throw in the milk, the cheese, and the pasta. Swirl around until all the milk-cheese-tomato juice isn't just sloshing around in the pan and turned into sauce. 2. Remove everything and add oil into the pan if you need. If you're not sure, then you need it. Drop in some soy sauce if you haven't marinated the tofu. Wait a bit, so the pan heats up. Plomp the tofu in and cover in spices, just go ham on it. Wait again, until the tofu is for sure cooked on the bottom. Turn it around and wait again. 3. Plomp the tofu on the pasta. Done! I'm also thinking you could probably cook some mushrooms with the tofu, or throw in more veggies, but i think that's a bit out of low spoon territory.

I'm very thankful btw that I know a place to buy, like, 2 pounds worth of tofu at once very cheaply, so I can freeze some, marinade some, and then boom - protein for days. It's truly amazing, since i cannot handle raw meat.

[sweet-potato-42]

Tubbo drinking from a wine bottle with a straw is just iconic i cant

[psychoticscare]

oh fuck this depression riding the fuck outta me and biting my neck ohmygoddddfuckkkkk

[zillanovikov]

Surviving under late stage capitalism is hard, especially when you're out of spoons and you're lucky if you have a plastic knife. We're here to help. 

The Sad Bastard Cookbook: Food You Can Make So You Don't Die is a community-built, vegetarian/vegan guide to getting food in your facehole when you're suffering from depression. Or other mental illnesses or physical illnesses or *waves hand generally at the state of the world* anything else. 

We've made it free on our website because life sucks enough without having to give Jeff Bezos money, but we also do have a paperback copy available for sale over there too, since we also need to eat.

https://nightbeatseu.ca/the-sad-bastard-cookbook/