#depression and executive dysfunction are joining forces against me

[gascreates]

^^ infectious

[mesetacadre]

How do you avoid becoming a doomer with politics? I want to be more politically active but the current political climate makes me feel depressed.

talked more about this here but essentially, nothing is static. Conditions change all the time, the quantity of organized people can fall and rise (with parallel but not necessarily 1:1 development of quality). What today seems like an impassable wall, tomorrow (not literally tomorrow) will more and more began to be seen as a necessary step for an improvement to happen. The fact that there exists a scientific method of analysis of history and capitalism also acts as an accelerant; how much time passed between the first bourgeois state and the first formulation of scientific communism, 50 years? That is unprecedented in the history of modes of production, and it only took another 50-60 years after that before the first relatively permanent instance of the next mode of production.

The way I see this, inaction and pessimism feed into each other, pessimism favors inaction, and inaction reinforces pessimism, by limiting your perception because it limits personal experience. And that cycle can only be broken by first stopping that inaction, since it is possible (not always) to force yourself to act against your general feelings. And then, only by working against that inaction and finding an organization/party or general line of action that works for you, can you begin to sustain an action-optimism cycle (of course, it isn't this simple and I would not call my outlook to be optimistic, but this is the best way I can think of explaining this). This cycle is, in my experience, very fragile, and somewhat often I continue to act through periods of relative pessimism by inertia and by the continuance of the responsibilities that bind me to my party most strongly. I can keep talking about the way society and the economy evolve, but at a personal and more inmediate scale, this is the only way to avoid "doomerism", at some point you're going to have to start acting if you want to avoid it, and rethoric can help, of course, but you'll only start to internalize it once you experience becoming an active part of these mechanisms. For me, it sometimes feels like a hobby, other times like a chore, and most times like the best thing I could ever do with my life. But it's crucial that you're not only driven by blind hope. The amount of effort and time you can contribute as an individual will vary wildly, depending on your own personal circumstances, and in my experience the most common type of organized person you'll encounter is the one that can only really dedicate a few days a week or a couple of hours every few days.

There is some nuance to "you have to end your inaction" too, of course. I'm not saying to join the very first group you encounter and dedicate every minute of free time to it, but you also can't be waiting for the perfect opportunity or org to come along. I contacted my ML party on a Tuesday during a winter academic break, while I was only just beginning to stabilize out of a suicidal episode but still depressed, and while considering myself mostly an ancom (I was very lost in that regard, my beliefs were not truly emergent from any proper anarchist core, but I digress). You don't need to have read x books or need to have encyclopedic knowledge of your local movement to begin to organize yourself, and you also don't need to believe 100% in the emancipation of workers. The best time to begin is the next time you have some free time to research and begin to contact some orgs/parties, that's as best as I think I can put it. I can't assure you that it'll be straightforward, but I can assure you that you can't get out of doomerism just by thinking about it.

If it's too daunting, think about those executive dysfunction "tricks". Joining A Party can sound very big an unapproachable, but you can break it down into looking, for example, for "Communist Party of [your country]". Look at their socials, see what they do and say, maybe you find an offshoot org that looks better, or run into a completely unrelated group. Then you contact them, ask when they're doing something in your area or if they can invite you to some kind of meeting, etc. Be willing to contact them if you find a couple of drawbacks too, sometimes rumors turn into the thing everybody says about x or y org, without really reflecting reality. Have criteria, of course, if some org is talking about immigrants like they're invaders, for example, it is probably not worth your time. Everything depends on what your local scene looks like. Getting experience at a mediocre org is still better than staying at home and looking on at the state of the world like it's hopeless. this isn't a very well-structured post, I've been writing this across a few days when I can, I hope it's helpful

[creatingthewritelife]

The Cycle of Inspiration

The list of things creatives argue either for or against never seems to end. So of course inspiration makes the list as well. As time passes I hear more and more about how writers can’t wait for inspiration to strike, how the Muses are fickle and so instead of leaving writing up to inspiration we should instead focus our attention elsewhere. How instead of inspiration we should focus our energy on more practical matters like self-discipline.

The one who writes is a writer. While this statement ignores the cases of severe writer’s block, health issues (mental or physical), and obligations that can infringe on writing time, energy, and ability it is otherwise true. Discipline and dedication are an important part of the craft. Learning to dedicate blocks of time to writing - or at least trying to write - every day or week can greatly change our writing, and more often than not lead to improvements. Time and effort are two things that play a massive role in creating these improvements in our work. The more you do something the better you get at it. Naturally this goes for writing as well. This is why finding and dedicating chunks of time to work on our craft is essential. However the dedication of these blocks of time is worth nothing without the commitment and discipline to follow through and actually use that time to write. Unless we can learn the discipline necessary to write even when we lack tools such as motivation and inspiration we may always struggle, not only with improving our writing but with writing frequently.

This sort of discipline is something many of us struggle with. Often times it’s not just a lack of motivation or willpower that we’re facing when we find it difficult to train ourselves to write more frequently but something that actively tries to fight us. Depression. Anxiety. ADHD. Executive dysfunction. Hyperfixation on another interest. The list goes on and on and these are only some of the hindrances of mental health problems that can pose a challenge to establishing the discipline to write often. They’re all, also, struggles that try to hinder my own ability to create and stick to a schedule for writing. Something I’ve always struggled with when it comes to my writing is committing myself to writing frequently. I still fight often against the things that sometimes lead me to do anything other than write. There are always things that worm their way in with the determination to disrupt me and my schedule. Writer’s block can quickly spark into anxiety that turns into depression and guilt over not writing. Sitting down with every intention to write may never move past steps one, two or three. Scrivener never gets opened, the playlist never gets played, the most recent sentences never get re-read and the story never gets re-entered. Something else can capture my interest before I start writing and refuse to leave me in peace and my determination for the day begins to evaporate. Those fights are ones that I’m not always capable of winning. I expect there are times when you feel the same, whether your struggles are similar to mine or not. This is where the belief that all we need in order to write is discipline and determination fails.

This is where inspiration becomes essential. It is the heart of every piece of creative writing you will ever encounter. Whether in fiction, music, poetry, all of it begins with something that inspired it; a spark, a drop, a trembling, a whisper of what could be that signals the beginning. Without inspiration artistic work simply does not come to be, because inspiration is emotion and without emotion creative work lacks life. From time to time during the creative process inspiration needs to reappear to help us find our way forward. It’s more than just the flash and the bang that people outside the know expect a creative endeavour to begin with. We often see it when writer’s block threatens to stand in our way but we push on, when one plot point miraculously leads to another, or when realization strikes that something in the story is going to come together perfectly. Each of these moments are brought about by inspiration, one thing, one moment, inspiring another and allowing the pieces to connect like a puzzle. Of course, inspiration is not at our beck and call. It has a will of it’s own and will come and go as it pleases. Though the Muses are not always as fickle as one might think.

Inspiration often pairs well with discipline, dedication, and commitment. Many assume that these attitudes would struggle to coexist because inspiration is wild and fleeting, untameable, while discipline is sturdy, calm, and reliable. However Inspiration is less like the tidal wave or flash of lightning that it’s expected to be and more like a dripping faucet or a flickering light bulb. It’s something that’s capable of slowly and steadily growing. The faucet that drips occasionally, if left unhindered begins to drip more frequently. The light bulb that flickers when the flip is switched on, in time, will fill the room with light. With a little encouragement a drip an easily become a steady stream, and with minor adjustments a light that once flickered may begin to brighten a room more quickly. When we show up consistently so do the Muses.

While inspiration may be where an idea begins it isn’t always as fleeting as it seems, it doesn’t have to be. Consistent effort can help lead to more frequent inspiration and more frequent writing. The two - discipline and inspiration - don’t just coexist, they’re almost codependent in the way they play off each other. One inadvertently leads to the other. The cycle starts with inspiration, moves through dedication and discipline, before starting over again. By having the discipline to write more frequently we invite inspiration to join us. Just like a sculptor or a painter with a live model, when we sit down to work, so does our Muse. By putting in the effort and spending time with our work - even if we are not actively writing but researching, planning, or just thinking about the project - we allow ourselves to cultivate a mental space that encourages creative thinking and welcomes inspiration.

Though a circle is said to have no beginning or end that doesn’t make it unbreakable. Just like the moon we cannot expect to be full all the time, either of inspiration or discipline. Just like it’s cycle our creativity will wax and wane. Some days there will be more and on others there will be less. We cannot prevent other forces from interfering with our ability to create but we are capable of choosing to press on despite those interferences. We can choose to carve out the time in our schedules to attempt to write, to add just a sentence or a word, to research, to people watch, to wander, to think and wonder about the writing that we’re doing and leave ourselves notes, reminders, and stray thoughts to check later. There will be successful days, and days that go by leaving us feeling as though every bit of effort feels like a waste, but those small amounts of time and effort add up.

If inspiration is the beating heart of every piece of writing than discipline, dedication, commitment, and motivation make up the rib cage that protects it. Without them to defend it inspiration is fragile and easily injured. Though just like a broken rib or damaged heart both inspiration and discipline can be mended and are able to heal. With care and effort they are strengthened, as is our writing. Like this post? Want to see more? Consider becoming a Patron!

[lovelesswiki]

Post-Moonless predictions— The Seventh (8/10)

previous part<–[here] –> next part

for the last week or so, i’ve been talking about a large theory i’ve been writing. since finishing it, i’ve decided to publish it in parts, since it’s actually about 10 different theories all on one subject. since it’s all written out, i’ll try to be publishing one part of this per day.

essentially, this is a set of theories about what i believe will have to happen in order to properly lead up to a climax–the one we’ve been building up to for years and years now. so, these are what i theorize will happen after the first moonless vs beloved battle, broken up into ten different parts. each theory is explained and theres images for each one.

table of contents (bolded is the post you’re looking at):

moonless and beloved will rematch (1)

soubi will fall into a deep depression and possibly become suicidal (2)

ritsuka will arrive at seven voices, SM’s activity will be revealed (3)

SM will reveal that there was a mole in their organization (4)

kio will be the one to take ritsuka to goura (5)

ritsuka will find things out about soubi and the aoyagi family (6)

SM’s true purpose will be revealed. ritsuka will have to make a decision about good vs evil (7)

seventh SM member will be revealed (8)

nagisa will find out what really happened to sanae (9)

ritsuka will be asked to join SM to fill the aoyagi seat (10)

Theory: the seventh SM member will be revealed and they will be the one handling the council’s funds. this will effectively tie up ritsuka’s storyline with the current iteration of septimal moon and allow him to make a huge decision in the future.

(for all intents and purposes, kunugi will be referred to using they/them pronouns here, despite the speculation of their gender)

so far, we have six of the seven septimal moon members revealed. in order the seats are aoyagi (open, formerly seimei), chouma (chouma), minami (ritsu), gomon (mikado), sagan (nagisa), kunugi (unknown), and saotome (seven). we also have the confirmation of at least two of the seats’ duties–gomon is head of executions and saotome is head of security. we can also infer the duties of two others, but it may just be that these are coincidentally the side careers they’ve picked–minami is head of education and sagan is head of medical and biological research.

that leaves three who we’re unsure of their positions and one who we know nothing about. we dont know about the duties of chouma and aoyagi and we dont even know the name or the duty of kunugi.

awhile ago, i wrote a theory about the septimal moon characters being based off of the seven deadly sins. while this theory was mostly for aesthetic purposes and admittedly four years old, i do think that at least one of the conclusions that i drew holds up a little. i was able to stick each sin to each of the six characters that have appeared. that left me with one leftover and one character leftover, and the one that was left over happened to be greed.

given what we know about SM and it being a government organization with funding and money that needs to be distributed and whatnot, someone needs to be in charge of financials. i strongly believe that this person is kunugi, the one member of SM who we haven’t met and that hasn’t been mentioned outside of the role-call panels.

we know/suspect 4 of the roles of the council members. aoyagi can’t be the one in charge of financials because one of seimei’s crimes against SM was extorting funds, as seen in the drama CD voiceless, where a team accuses seimei of stealing finances from them and from SM to do… whatever seimei is planning to do. 

(voiceless, which is a  characterdrama CD that follows the storyline of the manga, implies that seimei extorted funds from another team to accomplish what he’d been planning.)

the chouma seat could be in charge of financials, but i still suspect that kunugi is the one handling it. they seem like theyre very behind the scenes, as they havent been mentioned yet, and appear to not be involved in the personal drama of the other council members. whereas we have two trios–nagisa/ritsu/seven (all who work closely with each other, especially in the ritsuka case) and mikado/seimei/chouma (seimei, seimei’s only friend, and seimei’s mole)–kunugi doesn’t seem to be paired or trioed with the other characters. they seem to act on their own and nothing has yet been said about them, leading me to think that they may be the odd one out. the fact that the council has two trios leads me to believe that kunugi is the one set up as an absolute loner, someone who’s not necessarily a shut-in like seven is, but someone with absolutely no real connection to anyone on the council. or, given the rest of the interpersonal relationships in SM, they very well could have burned all their bridges and everyone else on the council actively ignores them for a reason, which would contribute to the problem of SM being dysfunctional. 

their isolation and the lack of information about them in canon could be for many reasons–maybe kunugi is very old or very young. ive always personally been a fan of the headcanon that they are elderly because the image of an old moneybags person on the council is very amusing to me, especially if they’re older than ritsu, who is commonly characterized as the old guy on the council. theres no evidence that tells us anything about kunugi, other than they are the sixth member of SM, a sacrifice, and may be the one handling the finances. as a note, i did try running their name through some databases and found that kunugi is a rare family name. besides this, i couldn’t find a meaning with the kanji that matched the name as shown on the SM nameplate. 

however, i think finding out who they are is going to be important to progressing the story to a climax, because both ritsuka and readers need to know the full picture of SM in its current iteration and it seems like this person is being kept a secret to a reason, much in the same way that ritsuka’s father is being kept a secret. while im not the biggest fan of yun’s writing, i do believe (or more, i really hope because if it’s just pure forgetfulness or laziness, im gonna be pissed) that the things that are being kept from us are being kept from us for a reason, perhaps in wait of the time that it’ll have the most impact, or when it’ll have the biggest reveal.

while i do say that for things to move forward, the mysteries of septimal moon need to be revealed, i absolutely do not mean all of them. i think that the mysteries of its current iteration need to be revealed, while the history of the families of the council and the origins of the fighter-sacrifice world will come much later and are currently not necessary, due to ritsuka’s main goal right now being to confront seimei and retrieve soubi, not to find out about this weird world around him. that, i think, will come after ritsuka confronts seimei and after soubi makes his decision and does whatever he’s going to do. this is because i believe that after ritsuka confronts seimei, he will be forced to make an incredibly important choice that will determine his fate, as well as that of many others. but we’ll get to that in part 10. the important thing right now is that im very sure that kunugi’s reveal will be important and will uncover secrets for ritsuka. 

overall, the reveal of kunugi should definitely happen after most things about SM and personal histories are revealed to ritsuka, because the reveal of kunugi would finally let the mystery of current SM be completely solved and presented to ritsuka with a neat little bow to do as he pleases.

in other words, their reveal would tie up ritsuka’s storyline with SM in a way that i feel is very complete and necessary after over half of the series was spent on revealing how great SM should be and just how much they’re falling apart and are completely dysfunctional.