#depressed redhead showdown

[queer-book-character-tournament]

Character, book, and author names under the cut

Neil Josten- All for the Game by Nora Sakavic

Gideon Nav- The Locked Tomb by Tamsyn Muir

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Sword gays showdown, final round of bracket three

Propaganda:

For Gideon:

she's incredibly good w/ her two hander and less good with her rapier but she's still pretty good!! she is a horny lesbian who's taste in women seems to exclusively be "girls who have tried or are going to try to kill her". she's a redhead. i love her

Gideon’s a HUGE Butch lesbian and literally always wanted to use a broad sword. Specifically a broad sword. She said fuck rapiers. Uhhh literally dies to save the girl she cares for and the sword she uses then becomes like an altar for said girl. Gideon Nav Supremacy <3

oh she is the most badass swordswoman lesbian in media. she’s her gf’s cavalier, defends her in battle, she’s incredibly butch and buff

C'mon shes THE sword lesbian like... canonically 

Loves her broadsword more than anything on her home planet and practices whenever she can. Spoiler it’s possessed by her mom. Gave everything so her best enemy could eat her soul and become the new saint. The character of all time child of two separate threesomes, child of the god emperor, she’s dead, she’s butch, she’s a dork, she’s doomed by the narrative. She’s my favorite.

girlie is literally the swordswoman supreme. she’s the cavalier primary to her necromancer. she has a fuckoff huge longsword. she gets absorbed into another person SPECIFICALLY to swordfight for them. in a gay way too.

While everyone else was developing common sense, she studied the blade. This dyke's main weapon and true love is the long sword, but she's also passable with a rapier. The sword is, in her own estimation, pretty much all she's good for. That and her smoking hot bod and terribly charming sense of humor. 

"While we were developing common sense, she studied the blade." (Direct quote from the book). She's the most useless lesbian to ever exist, and she's obsessed with an absolute wet cat of a woman. Learned longsword mostly on her own and is such a genius with the sword she learned rapier in a few months (by personal experience, it's really really hard)

Most badass broadsword wielding lesbian easily slaying bone monsters and evil space wasps

The cavalier to her necromancer. very gay. in a complicated codependant lovehate relationship with the only other person her age she knew growing up.

For Adora:

Finding the sword kicks off the whole show. She transforms into a giant magic lady and is now in charge of saving everyone from the  big bag guys (which she used to be a part of). A bunch of stuff happens, but eventually her identity is now tied to having the sword. She is fully convinced that w/o the sword (and therefore She-Ra) she’s worthless. This culminates in having to destroy the sword or the world ends. She’s super depressed bc her whole self worth was tied to the sword and being she-ra. On the way to save her gf, she turns into way cooler she-ra (her own version of it that is not controlled by the sword which was made by her colonialist ancestors). Her sword is now part of her identity instead of her identity revolving around the sword. 

lesbian chosen one who was given a sword that activated her powers and made her into a living weapon, but she destroyed the sword to save her planet - and then made her own sword with her magic and saved the entire universe

[charactersadvocatechimata]

Fata Morgana

Here is a preview of the WinterIron I’m working on. Full chapter should be uploaded on Ao3 by the 31st.

People will lie. There is no avoiding that. Nod on cue and politely smile. Think nothing of it. People will lie. When to be cautious, is not at a lie, but at a deflection. Those that distract with blinding smile or a song or an extravagant gesture. Be wary. Fae will bait you away with desires and dreams. Spirited away. Never to return. Be wary.

At least that’s what Ma would say. On loud nights, when the men of Brooklyn would gather to drink and sing. Loud to chase away dark idealizations. She would cuddle him close. Whisper stories of beautiful people who lead good Catholics astray. Of heroes that braved enchanted towers and won against seduction.

Of course, that memory could have been its own seductive dream. Memory was a tricky beast even for the day-to-day people. Having your brain cooked sunny side up by Hydra doesn’t improve things either. Not that anyone thinks it would. Late night television is not selling electroshocks as the cure for old age memory loss.

So Bucky was on the fence about his current situation. Did Tony Stark really kidnap him? If anyone were crazy enough to abduct the Winter Soldier, Stark would be on that list. Well, in his humble opinion. Crazy people never seem to think things through, either. Take, for example, Bucky’s bindings. Rope couldn’t stop an assassin. The Winter Soldier is a super assassin. Rope was cake on a silver platter of escape.

Escape. Right. The hero always struggles to escape. But he has lived far too long to be considered a hero. Heroes hope for humanity’s salvation. Not eternal sleep.

“Boss, I think the Princess is awake.”

Princess?! Oh, that was close. A slight twitch might go unnoticed but slamming his fists against the floor would not.

“Are you sure?”

Something jabs him twice in the shoulder. By some mercy, it was the shoulder attached to the meat arm. Even so, it’s still a jab into sensitive squish parts. But his body remains still. Thank Hydra for unparallel pain tolerance. Ha!

“Friday. How do you tell if a possum is playing dead?”

“It depends on the possum, I think.” A static hum consumes the quiet of the room. “You could draw something unflattering on his forehead.”

“Oh, love it.”

Something pops, and the stick of non-drinkable alcohol tickles his nose. Stark wouldn’t? Would he? Fuck crazy people and their unpredictable tendencies.

“Is this necessary? Couldn’t you just kill me? No reason to desecrate my body.” Bucky slams his hands between himself and the red marker. A wall to protect him from whatever Stark wanted to draw on his face. Probably something worse than the standard dick drawing.

Stark’s eyes trail from Bucky to the marker. A marker that’s only an inch from Bucky’s face. Then pouts. A full pout only found in cartoons with sings birds and large reflective eyes. Seriously. What is so exciting about drawing on a tired man’s face? Or putting starfish magnets on his metal arm?

“We're not going to kill you, Barnes.”

Bucky shifts his eyes around the room. Empty except for the crazy rich man with a marker and himself. No woman, he can’t help but imagine as a redhead. Stark does not voice a comment or give any indication of the location of the third human. In the security office? Remaining far away from Hydra’s favorite killing machine. Perhaps, some who isn’t crazy.

“Right now.”

Stark continues to fiddle with the marker refusing to put the damn thing done. To give up the grand opportunity to use Bucky’s forehead as paper. Not even the quality stuff. No, the scraps an artist uses to doodle.

“Has anyone told you that you resemble a depressing sandwich? And despite what the fire department may tell you, or Pepper for that matter. I know what I'm talking about. I have made my share of depressing sandwiches. Mostly, with mustard.” Stark makes a sweeping motion with the marker- still uncapped. “I tired honey dijon once because a random website told me too. I must say, I prefer mustard.”

The marker jumps up and twirls with the rhythm of Stark’s words in complete sync. A remarkable feat considering he had forgotten all about said writing utensil. Or that’s what Bucky hopes. He’s nice like that.

“What does food have to do with any of this?”

The marker is finally capped, and Stark frowns. Yet doesn’t say a thing. Did Bucky actually say anything? He is far too used to keeping any thought to himself. Stark dropped the marker. Bucky grabs it, just to make sure, while Stark turns away. More silence. Hardly illuminating to what the rats running Stark’s crazy brain thinks.

For a single heartbeat, Stark stilled between one step and the next. In that one thump of his heart, Stark stand between two thoughts. Is he turning his back on a weapon or a monster? Hydra handlers were quick to dismiss the Asset as a simple weapon. Yet he was required to present a gun to the handler if they were alone. As protection from a monster. Which will Stark choose?

Bucky doesn’t expect an answer. Doesn’t get one either. Stark simple takes his next step then another. Until he completely leaves Bucky’s line of sight.

Free from the ropes, and, as far as he can tell, alone in an empty meeting room. Bucky plots. Or at least takes another look around. There is a large table and a lot of chairs. Too many chairs. And windows blacked out. Standard stuff for the business life.

Except.

“Please, remain inside the room.”

The voice. Again. He does not like voices without bodies. There is nothing to stab if there is no body. “Do I have a reason to leave?”

“To destroy. As is your nature.”

“Is that why you will be deactivating and destroying me? For my sins? Or for Stark’s grudge?”

“I think justice is more appropriate. Don’t you, Barnes?”

“Is it just me or did this whole room get several degrees more depressing?” Stark returned holding a plate that looks like a mini Captain America shield with two sandwiches. Another was between his teeth. Already half eaten. He blinks, nose twitching and the sandwich disappears with the last bite. “Are you having a showdown with My AI?” The plate is held high even as Stark tilts his head to the side. “You shouldn’t. She cheats.”

{Comment about AI}

“I do not. I am a proper lady.”

“That cheats and starts fights with cyborgs.”

“I didn’t start anything. But I will finish it.”

Friday, as Stark called the ceiling, ends the sentence with enough implied judgment to anchor an entire fleet of ships. During a heavy storm. But Bucky didn’t start shit. No matter how the ceiling paints it.

Well…

There was the whole thing with Steve.

“I made you depressing sandwiches.” Stark shoves the plate into Bucky’s personal bubble. It is presented with the same pride a child presents a gift to their mother. “There is mustard and tomatoes. Salami. Maybe. The evidence is uncertain.”

Well, the sandwiches look innocent enough sitting on the mini shield. The bread is white with seeds. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Just different. There is definitely the strong fatty smell of salami. More of a last meal than what Hydra would offer. Looks good, too.

Taking the food incites Stark to grin, small but bright, like a star off in the distance. How easy it would be for Stark’s blinding smiles to hide all sorts of grime. Pierce could disarm anyone with a smile as well, even Fury.

Stark gave him a sandwich at least.

“Now, according to personal experience, it’s time for the evil monologue. The fun part.”

Bucky takes a bite. Otherwise, etiquette would dictate that he respond. And Stark has a crazy sparkle in his eyes. Never respond to the crazy. That and silence is easy. Nodding is easy. People usually just continue when he nods.

“Right! So last night or the prior evening or something. Not important. What is important is that a waking dream gave me an idea. And no it wasn’t a dream. I was definitely awake. Dreams usually have someone screaming.” Stark’s hand smacks the notion away. “Nor was I hallucinating. You can’t trust hallucinations. But this is a good idea. A genius idea!” His other hand shoots straight into the air.

“What idea?” The fucking moron asks. You’d never figure Buck’s been around for hundred years. He knew not to engage the crazy. Bucky blames the second sandwich. Didn’t get into his mouth fast enough. Fucker.

Stark is too crazy to catch Bucky’s mental stumble. But the AI. The AI is judging him. Judging and laughing it up. Silently. Like a dick. Dick.

“Revenge! Because what else can I do? It’s either this or a time machine. And I promise I was going to go with the time machine. But Pepper vetoed that. Which fair. No one wants me running around in the time stream. I wouldn’t be able to help myself even knowing I’d probably fuck it up.”

Stark flexes his right hand. He stops to stare at the fingers curling and uncurling, grasping for something. “I keep having that same dream. It only got worse after. Zombie Steve with the shield. Blaming me. For fucking up. Not doing enough. Always saying the wrong thing. I work and go to therapy. But the dreams remain. The bodies piling up.” His eyes slide shut. One last time those fingers curl then clench tight.

“So I kidnapped you.” Stark spreads his arms out wide. “Part of it was panic. Rhodey may have destroyed the ancient technology that might have been a mobile phone. Hard to say, archeology isn’t my strong suit. Whatever. I do know he dropped it down the Mariana Trench. But I would be surprised if it survived. And Steve.”

The stars vanish from his eyes. His arms are slammed from the air by gravity. “No, it’s Rogers now. Rogers.” Stark’s mumbling to himself now. His audience forgot.

Because what? Bucky’s just chopped liver. Not the intend audience. Fuck that. He’ll just be stupid and blame it on Hydra. Hydra played happy sack with electricity and his brain. He has earned at least using them as an excuse.

“Why would ‘Pepper’ nix the time machine?”

Bucky could actually see Stark remember he had an audience. His eyes blinking and tilting. His gaze landing on Bucky. And the ‘oh’ formed on his lips. Like prose on a page in a fairytale book for children.

“I told you.”

“Yeah, I got that. But there is no way you could build a time machine that goes back in time. Pretty sure Einstein nixed that.”

“I could.”

Sure. Maybe if he had another hundred years or so. But Bucky ain’t holding his breath.

This whole thing is a farce. Like Stark’s the only one hunted by ghosts. Everyone’s got nightmares. Bucky’s got seventy years to fuel his phantoms and shadows. World War 2. Hydra. The Red Room. But he fucking buries it. Right next to the bodies. Smiles and grins instead. Fucking telling stories from the 1930’s he isn’t sure he remembers or read in Rogers’ file. Writing broken dreams in journals that switch from Russian to English to Italian to German.

And for fucking what. To be used against Stevie. Again. “I refuse.” And fuck him.

“Okay.” Stark nods. Takes back the plate, gripping it to his chest. Takes a step back. Grins and bows. A grand gesture indicating the open door. A showman’s bow ending the play, waiting for the curtains to fall. But for all it’s supposed glam it’s dull. All the color that made Stark shine shut away. With a delicate slam. Something that might even go unnoticed.

Again there is that silent laughter. Mocking him.

But sunlight is pushing itself inside. Bucky follows the light out. Stark had been right. The room was depressing. The blinding hallway wasn’t much better.

Bucky wants his goggles.

[cryptidvoidz]

Keep Them Safe (KHS Fanfic)

It’s no secret how much I love “Keep Him Safe”, as the little snippet from yesterday should tell you guys XD BUT MY IDEAS KEPT COMING SO please suffer through my writing as I write a fanfic of a fanfic.

The original fanfic belongs to @whatwashernameagain and you can find it here: https://whatwashernameagain.tumblr.com/post/169656441737/my-first-story-oh-my-keep-him-safe

Summary:

Oliver Frey is a single father who works as a detective, alongside his close friend Dexter Knowles. He's content with the life he's built, but he still feels like something is missing. But thanks to fellow colleague Logan Sanders, he's been able to relax at a new cafe that had just recently open. That is until one day, when his childhood friend shows up looking for a job, causing Oliver's heart race and a thought of mending a broken friendship.

Redmond Drop is a down on his luck barista who is struggling to make a living. Luck just never seems to go his way, which becomes apparent when his coffee shop is torn down in favor of an apartment complex, his fiance leaves for Europe, and he gets kicked out of his apartment. In just one week. Hoping that his skill and passion for coffee lands him a job, he decides to apply at a local cafe/bakery. Much to his horror, however, he finds someone who he admittedly hoped to never see again.

Warnings: 

None at the moment <3 

Chapter Two

Chapter One (AO3 Link)

Blue and silver eyes opened up slowly under the harsh glare of morning sunlight. He wasn't a morning person in the slightest, and usually had a glaring contest with the sun. Today, however, the showdown between the fiery rays and himself was interrupted as a small blur burst into the room, launching itself off of the floor and promptly landing on the man's chest.

Even though he still wasn't awake he managed to slow the object's momentum just enough to stop any serious damage, although he'd still have some bruising. Squinting past the bright light, he was pleased to see the ray of sunshine in his life.

"Papa!" his son squealed, tackling the already pinned man in a tight hug. Huffing slightly with laughter, Virgil sat up, gently setting the boy on his lap, smiling warmly. He yawned, bringing his hands up to speak. "Did you sleep well, love?" he signed, getting an enthusiastic nod and an added "Aunt Rose is here! She's making breakfast for us, and they're your favorite!"

"Blueberry pancakes?" Virgil's face was hopeful. His younger sister made the best blueberry pancakes, and she was a constant in their lives since his wife had passed. His son, Danny, let a grin split across his face, nodding again. "Yep!" he exclaimed. "I also got your costume today. Today is Papa's lazy day!" Danny jumped off the bed and grabbed a pile of clothes. Being as small as he was, he couldn't see where he was going, and nearly tripped before his father caught him. Virgil signed thank you, grateful to be looked after by such a loving family. "I'll be down in a few," he gestured. "Make sure you clear out the kitchen of the monsters." The last part was added with a twinkle in his eyes.

Danny loved to imagine himself as a prince these days, no thanks to a certain co-worker of his, and would often slay the dreaded monsters that oh so terrified his dad, to protect the "king" from harm. The youngster darted from the room, yelling something about honor while a raspy chuckle escaped the older male's throat.

While he couldn't speak, he was able to make some noise. Some being the keyword, as most of the sounds he made consisted of grunts, huffs, snarls, and growls. His laughing could be described as someone struggling to breath. He didn't mind it so much anymore. It was still frustrating for him to try and explain things in-depth, or get someone's attention, but he didn't hate his inability to speak like he used. Virgil was born mute. He had been told from an early age there was no chance for recovery, so he didn't even try, shrugging every time a doctor came up with some fancy new process, because the way he saw it, he wasn't taking the chance with something that could potentially harm him further.

His eyes wandered over to the tall mirror leaning against the wall, examining himself and letting a small smile grace his lips. He had more muscle than before, something he had used to pride himself on before he had hit his depressive episode. Virgil now had an lithe, tall frame. His clothes normally portrayed him as just some lanky guy who never ate, but he took good care of himself these days. Straightening up, he laid out the clothes on his bed.

As always, his son had an eye for fashion. Today's outfit was a light pink dress shirt with the sleeves already rolled, his favorite pair of comfy, dark blue jeans, a tie with constellations on it, and, of course, his usual dark grey, sleeveless hoodie. He let his eyes wander down further, and rolled his eyes. Bright, mismatched socks; neon pink and a highlighter yellow. He got dressed, again marveling at how well Danny assembled the outfit. I find more ways he's like his mother everyday, Virgil thought. He slipped on his worn purple sneakers and headed to the kitchen, the sweet scent of blueberries making him walk even faster.

His sister heard him coming before he had even entered the kitchen. Lyana, or Rose, as she'd been known as for the past six years, took one glance at her brother's red disheveled hair and sighed, handing him the brush she always kept in the kitchen. "Brush your hair, you imbecile. I can handle your usual look, but this? This is nonsense. You look like you just got into a fight with a squirrel and it won." Virgil silently mocked her as he attempted to untangle his hair, eventually brushing it into something a little more manageable and tying it back. He had grown his hair out a bit, but he still had the long bangs covering one of his eyes, and the two tufts of hair that never wanted to stay down. His wife used to call him a devil because of it, and the memory caused him to smile. A smile that dropped once he looked at the time.

Shit, he thought, but before he could think of anything else, Rose placed a couple of boxes in his hands. "I knew you'd wake up late, so I already prepped breakfast for you guys." Virgil raised an eyebrow at her statement, which made her thrust a mug of coffee at him. "Dexter, you idiot. Now go, get to work. Danny and I have plans to go to the park to slay some dragons." She then spun around, her long dark brown ponytail hitting him in the face. He scowled at her, but it lacked anything negative towards her. It was more of him saying 'fuck you' to her, since he knew she had done it on purpose, and his hands were full.

Checking to make sure he had his wallet, keys, and phone, he headed down the stairs of his apartment building, juggling breakfast and his coffee. He nearly tripped over himself, which resulted in a loud bellow of laughter off to the side. If looks could kill, Virgil was sure that his partner would have been dead years ago.

The large man chuckled, his wild midnight blue hair sticking out in multiple directions. If Rose had thought his hair was uncontrollable, then he hated to think of what rant she would scream about Dexter's hair. His best friend didn't make fun of his little stumble any longer though, because his eyes settled on the boxes.

"Blueberry pancakes?" he whispered hopefully, and when Virgil nodded, he picked up the small redhead and swung him around, much to Virgil's dismay. He let out one of his signature snarls, his look demanding to be put down. He wasn't so lucky, however, when Dexter just shook his head and threw Virgil over his shoulder. "No such luck, Pipsqueak! My car didn't start and I don't want your pretty little feet to suffer." The quiet one out of the two huffed, the irritation clear. He swore he was going to deck Roman once they got to the precinct. He already dealt with that Prince on a regular basis, and now his son, he did not need to deal his partner and best friend being all chivalrous as well.

[azuresquirrel]

Have another episode of Snow Day Flash marathon! I’m breaking for now, maybe I’ll come back to it later today, but three episodes in one day is pretty darn good. 

Episode Five - FRIENDSHIP IS TRAGIC

Why yes I do watch Barry’s “I’M AN ORDINARY 25-YEAR-OLD SUPERHERO” intro every single time despite Netflix trying its darnedest to make me skip it.

Barry’s monologuing about FRIENDSHIP while hanging in a bar with Team Science AND Iris (YAY!!!!! LET THEM BE FRIENDS!!!) so I hope this episode is ACTUALLY about friendship this time as opposed to last episode which was only sort of about htat.

Also White Bread is here and I AGREE BARRY, I ALSO DO NOT CARE FOR HIM.

CISCO ALSO DISAPPROVES. Caitlin thinks he’s hot because bland white guys with no personality is her type. We also learn that Barry has Steve Rogers’s problem with alcohol as in it doesn’t do shit for them anymore. Team Science is THRILLED to do another experiment in the bar because of course they are, also they’re great.

Break in at some skyscraper? With our first possible BadGIRL of the Week? Badgirl with a BOMB it seems.

Sorry team, you won’t be able to get your drink on for much longer because there are some window cleaners who need saving, AS ALWAYS. Pfffft, Barry is sadly lacking in the super strength department and Caitlin shoots down his great idea to pile up a shitload of mattresses. SO BARRY LEARNS HOW TO RUN UP THE SIDE OF A BUILDING WITHOUT GOING “SPLAT” ON THE WAY DOWN.

OH HI IRIS IS HERE. Barry pulls his face-vibration and speeds off and Iris is TOTALLY HOT RIGHT NOW (and also probably thinking of OTHER uses for face-vibration).

Next day, Joe and team is investigating what files bomb lady was trying to make off with. And frankly I’m pretty jealous of super-speed file-searching.

Oh great, now the military’s here. Countdown to secret military experiments starting now.

Now Papa Joe’s reaming Iris out for being at the crime scene the night before and like can we DROP this overprotective dad act already IT’S FUCKING OLD. Iris is all like “yeah fuck my boyfriend I’M HERE FOR THE GOTTA GO FAST MAN, I’VE GOT A SCOOP.”

Over at STAR labs Harrison drops his stalker act on the general who totally contracted STAR labs for “gene therapy research” a.k.a. SUPERSOLDER EXPERIMENTS GONE WRONG. And our Badgirl of the Week is of course an ex-army bomb specialist because of course she is. Her name’s Beth and she’s got some kind of Rogue-dealio going? And also looks like the poor man’s Felicia Day.

BARRY ENDS UP ALMOST NAKED LIKE ANY PROPER COMIC BOOK FETISH FUEL.

R.I.P. BARRY’S SUIT. She touched it and it went KA-BOOM.

THIS IS A BETRAYAL CISCO WILL NOT ENDURE. “WHERE’S MY SUIT?????” Yes the grief will take time my son, but think of it as an opportunity to try out NEW fetish garments for Barry to wear! Look on the bright side!

So yeah, our pal Beth is a metahuman who literally makes the things she touches go BOOM. Everyone else is talking about this new development and this is what Cisco has to say: “But she blew up my suit!” “You have more!” “Okay, I have two more and I loved that one.”

CISCO IS OUT FOR REVENGE.

And Joe joins in on Team Science’s metahuman funtime, but also to YELL AT BARRY SOME MORE. For daring to LET IRIS KNOW A THING. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. Yes, talk your daughter out of pursuing her work and her passions. JESUS.

THIS IS GETTING INTO SOME STRAIGHT-UP GASLIGHTING TERRITORY AND IT’S NOT CUTE. IRIS DESERVES BETTER THAN THIS. I AM NOT A HAPPY PERSON RIGHT NOW.

Barry’s now on the trail for the army surgeon who worked on Ms. Kaboom. But of course Ms. Kaboom is there first all “YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!”  Also the army is here trying to capture her because of course they are. Barry instead speeds her out of there offering to help her out via STAR labs.

So Team Science fills her in on the PA explosion and how apparently it combined with the schrapnel embedded in her so that’s why she makes things go kaboom (everyone gets these ~appropriate~ powers but I still don’t get how that translated in Barry getting GOTTA GO FAST).

Cisco has dropped his thirst for revenge upon seeing off-brand Felicia Day so apparently redheads are his type. Barry is also a redhead. Guys. (ehhhh reddish-brown. CLOSE ENOUGH.)

Caitlin tends to Ms. Kaboom setting her up for experiment but instead finds the TRACKER that the army put in her so of course General Clancy Brown shows up to be an ass. He also hilariously calls Harrison an “idealist.” YEP, THIS GUY. IDEALIST.

The rest of Team Science sprints Ms. Kaboom out to the middle of nowhere so she can blow up Frisbees, then she gets her Rogue Angst on and questions how much they’re helping Barry or her. It’s interrupted by Joe calling up and CONTINUING TO BE A SHITTY DAD WHO WANTS TO OPRESS HIS DAUGHTER’S LIFE. THIS IS BEYOND OLD.

Blah Blah Blah, Iris has put her name to her blog ~she might be targeting by metahumans~ blah blah blah.

So of course THE FLASH appears to Iris and yeah this is TOTALLY going to convince her to stop writing given how HOT she is right now.

“Help me save my friend” Iris says not knowing that SHE’S SAYING IT TO THAT VERY FRIEND! DRAMA!!!!

Back to STAR labs for depressing lifetime as a human bomb diagnosis because CELLULAR LEVEL because comic science does whatever we want it to do. Barry wants to make THE SUPERFRIENDS and for Ms. Kaboom to be friend #1. Everyone else is skeptical due to 1. Army and 2. explosions. BARRY JUST WANTS SOME MORE FRIENDS YOU GUYS!!!!

Pffffffffft Barry has a good laugh over how he can VIBRATE HIS VOCAL CHORDS TO CHANGE HIS VOICE. What a good nerd. Barry makes the WACKY suggestion to Joe that he just tell Iris everything. This of course turns into the “YOU’RE TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH IRIS” conversation.

Oh no, Ms. Kaboom is left ALONE in the lab with Harrison THAT’S NOT GREAT (apparently Cisco went home so he DOES have a home). And yeah, he pulls his I WANT TO GET BACK EVERYTHING I LOST (that he didn’t actually lose, god), and is pulling his Emperor Palpatine moves on Ms. Kaboom. “GIVE IN TO THE DAAAAAAARK SIIIIIIIIIIIDE” a.k.a. kill General Clancy Brown. NO ONE SHOULD BE LEFT ALONE WITH HARRISON.

So we’re at riverside showdown of American military propaganda and stupid ass General Clancy Brown shoots Beth and of course she dies IMMEDIATELY BEFORE SHE CAN TELL BARRY THAT HARRISON TOLD HER TO DO THIS. Also she’s going to totally explode.

AND SO BARRY LEARNS HOW TO BE JESUS AND RUN ON WATER.

I feel it’s pertinent to note that Barry’s doing all of this Flash business literally just to help people and yet he ends up with a large number of DEAD PEOPLE. Can’t this poor boy catch a break?

“Powerful men have a way of avoiding consequences” says Harrison who somehow is not immediately struck by lightning after saying that.

Iris just wants Barry to tell her WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON WITH HIM. He of course will not do so and I am not happy.

“I’m totally over my family,” HE SAYS LIKE A LYING LIAR WHO LIES.

And Iris can’t stop won’t stop, ATTA GIRL.

So Barry pulls the “maybe we shouldn’t see each other for a while.” THAT’S A DICK MOVE, BARRENCE. Yes you’re depressed about Beth getting all murdered by the army and NOT HAVING THE BEST HELPING TRACK RECORD but don’t take it out on Iris!

Caitlin cheers him up with SUPER-ALCOHOL THAT CAN GET HIM DRUNK. For like fifteen seconds anyway. Caitlin’s a true friend.

WE’RE CLOSING THE EPISODE WITH A SLOW ARTSY TRAILER COVER OF “I RAN” BY FLOCK OF SEAGULLS. I’M LAUGHING.

And YES we are back to our weekly Crazy Ex Boyfriend Harrison check-in as we should. Evil General Clancy Brown is here to visit because he knows that Harrison is full of it and offers to work together on metahumans, and Harrison is all too happy to threaten to literally end him. Evil General Clancy Brown says he’s figured out Harrison’s secret and it won’t take long for the public to catch on too. We then flash back to how their original partnership ended. Which of course had to do with GRODD. BECAUSE WHY WOULDN’T IT.

So the theme of this episode is BARRY ISN’T ALLOWED TO HAVE MORE THAN THREE FRIENDS and also that IRIS IS DEFINITELY TOO GOOD FOR ALL OF THIS CONDESCENDING MANIPULATIVE BULLSHIT.

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

Shout out to the IT fandom, this one’s for y’all.

It’s Stranger Things season 3. We start off with the AV Club + El/Jane + Max starting their first day of high school. We follow the six of them individually, leading to these scenarios:

1) El is in class by herself when she is approached by this male student played by Jaeden Lieberher (Bill Denbrough). They immediately become friends, although there’s some things that Jaeden’s character says that makes the audience suspicious of his intentions. Unfortunately, El doesn’t notice because of her poor social skills. It’s not until the end of the episode where El overhears him talking with his friends and reveals himself as a toxic, hypermasculine douchebag who is only interested in her for her looks. Jaeden’s character is basically a mini-Billy Hargrove and will serve as Mike and El’s nemesis for season 3. 

2) Dustin, still a bit down after the Snow Ball fiasco where none of the girls wanted to dance with him, tries his luck one more time. At lunch, he approaches the most popular girl in their class, played by Sophia Lillis (Beverly Marsh). While trying to emulate Steve, Sophia’s character mocks him for being fake and tells him to leave. But then, Dustin decides to just be himself and tells her a joke. She laughs at it, surprising him. Sophia’s character then asks him to stay with her for a while, leading to Dustin’s arc of becoming one of the popular kids / mini-Steve Harrington. Sophia’s character is a mini-Carol/Nancy Wheeler (sorta).

3) Will is in class when he sees a sign for Hawkins High School’s very first Gay-Straight Alliance Club. Curious, he attends the first meeting, which is led by a character played by Jack Dylan Grazer (Eddie Kaspbrak). Jack’s character is extremely friendly, calm, and speaks like he’s a hippie from the sixties. He welcomes Will and Will, after having fun on the first meeting, decides to become a regular member. This is the start of his coming out arc, as well as his romance storyline with Jack’s character.

4) Mike, still a bit depressed over Bob’s death, looks around for an AV Club at the high school. He eventually finds one, which is being led by a character played by Chosen Jacobs (Mike Hanlon). Chosen’s character is extremely nerdy to the point that even Mike Wheeler, the guy with the X-Men comics and who plays D&D, says he’s too nerdy for him. Despite that, Mike decides to join Chosen’s character’s AV Club. While bonding, Chosen’s character reveals that he thought of Mike’s group of friends as the “cool kids” because they ran the middle school’s AV Club and that he always wanted to ask if he could join their D&D sessions. Mike then invites Chosen’s character to their next game of D&D, marking the start of his trauma recovery arc.

Side note, to crossover with El’s storyline, Chosen’s character is also bullied by Jaeden’s character, doubling the feud. In my head, I pictured the showdown to be a fistfight between Mike Wheeler and Jaeden’s character. El tries to step in but Chosen’s character holds her back, telling her that she needs to let Mike fight for his pride. 

5) Lucas is walking down a hallway when he hears a loud bang coming from one of the classrooms. He goes to investigate and meets a student played by Wyatt Oleff (Stan Uris). Wyatt’s character is a laid-back guitarist (who may or may not be smoking weed on the side) and the bang was his amp short-circuiting. When Lucas asks about the guitar, Wyatt’s character says he’s part of a heavy metal band that is “about to take Indiana by storm”. He then says they just lost their vocalist and offers Lucas a chance to audition.

Lumax moment: Lucas brings up the audition to Max and Max shouts, “DO IT, I WANNA BE ABLE TO BRAG THAT MY BOYFRIEND IS THE LEAD SINGER OF A METAL BAND.” 

6) Max is at her locker when she sees the popular kids approaching. Besides Sophia Lillis’ character, we see the freshman class president, played by Jeremy Ray Taylor (Ben Hanscom). Jeremy’s character approaches Max and gives her a flyer for an upcoming Spirit Week rally. The two bond, although Max is a bit intimidated by Jeremy’s character’s popularity. Jeremy’s character tries to play down his “popular kid” image by saying that he’s just an ordinary guy at the end of the day. He’ll pop up sporadically throughout the season, mainly to be the voice of the freshman class. 

Also, as a reference to his IT role, Jeremy’s character makes a comment about how Max is cool for being a redhead. 

[noro-noro-noro]

had a weird dream there was a different halloween event added to sdv that was really depressing. the summary:

1. halloween party in the farm which is now next to the ocean!

2. tearful reminiscing on the child the citizens of pelican town allowed to die

3. george becomes a large plant with the help of two pokemon & me because i was pretending to be his lungs

4. dramatic showdown in the underwater base. 

It started off as some kind of high hearts event for Penny, where there was a halloween party at my house & she & her redhead friend with an undercut (her name was Maun or something like that) would hold the door for everyone arriving. Maun was so obviously gay for Penny also bc whatever Penny did, Maun would support her. 

There was no actual event in my house, but i lived by the beach & everyone left really upset. There were mangroves at the beach fsr also? Anyway when everyone left, they didn’t all go home, they were all standing & looking out over the water & all really upset. If you talked to them, they would say things with a regretful tone. After it hit 8:00, they all started moving around, sort of heading back, but stopping every time they moved more than 5 tiles, & the sfx was whispering from all their voices like “I should’ve tried harder.” “Why didn’t this stop?” “We could have done something.” & a bunch of other overlapping stuff. If you stopped to interact with them, each character was saying something they regretted & their character sprites looked visibly upset both in the profile & the actual sprite. When interacting with Penny, she said that she was trans & she was really worried that her mom or everyone else wouldn’t accept her. Maun (predictably) said that she was worried Penny would want to be her friend anymore if she found out she was gay. If you interacted with Sam, he was just covering his face with his arms & crying. These lines were all voice acted, by the way, if you interacted with someone their voice would read it above the rest of the murmuring voices, or in Sam’s case,just the sound of him crying, which made me want to give him a hug but & your character couldn’t respond to anything they said. If you talked to the non-marryable characters, they were the ones talking about stuff like “we couldn’t save her. we were responsible for her & we let this happen.” So you kind of glean information from them that someone died today, a girl, another child. I really liked this by the way it gave SDV that extra layer of depth 

Finally, Mayor Lewis was like “ok so here’s the deal- there was another daughter, [unintelligible]’s daughter, she was really cute & good & was best friends with Jas! One day the faeries gifted her some Wand Of Magical Happening & it made sparkles & zapped things to make them happier & what ended up happening is that she created a beachball, fell in love with it (yeah i was like ??? too while dreaming) & then it got blown out to sea so she went out to go get it but got kidnapped by the [i don’t remember anything about the sea creatures that kidnapped her but they were led by someone that looked like Nidalee with redder hair & darker skin]. They’d left a speedboat in the harbor that wouldn’t let us leave bc the propeller would chop us to bits, but the ball was distracting them somehow? So george decided to swim past (that’s how he got his spine injury) & disguise himself as one of the henchmen, which were these really large baggy hammock shaped things that also had a ton of stalks coming out when he was above the water so he looked like a weird tangled cluster of mangrove with eyes. 

I was suddenly transported to the past as Lewis was talking about this where George had just morphed into the fucking. tree monster thing with his two Victreebels that resembled the "feet” of the weird henchmen even though they floated & travelled oon their backs scuttling like spiders. The rest of them had lungs outside their body that were blueish purple, ring shaped, & had neon green oatmeal in the middle, so I had to pretend to be the lungs. It was so ugly but it worked?

We went underwater to the main cave - at this point it was less about stardew valley & more about The Weird Dream That Was Happening & George was just an ally instead of some grouchy old man. Once back in the main headquarters, all the monster things shed their mangrove outerwear (probably bc i forget it existed)& took up unmoving positions on their hammocks. They gossiped so fucking much though they were talking shit about our disguise & just saying we were so fuckin ugly. 

Lady in charge (redhead darker nidalee) & a grandma look at us, “I hve a bad feeling about this” says grandma & they take me off the eggplant body thing & i Just kind of collapse on the floor pretending to be lungs until they’re out ot sight.

At this point it becomes a CYOA game & i can reset the save to undo the past action whenever i want., so it was easier.. I didn’t want anyone on my side to die, so I kept resetting. 

through that, I became allied with two guards from Algul Siento that were like, the reverse Taheen? Like Pimli Prentiss taken from Keystone earth & recruited to this job? t/heir names were Leona & Anuc & with their help I made it to Final Showdown. 

The Nidalee woman had a long spear (of course) but first, we got to see her backstory via her telling us about it intently. Basically as a child of 7 or 8, she went through a door one day & got stuck in the in-between. The in-between was a small, cramped tunnel with black & white stripes on the walls kind of like that one part in The Incredible. The stripes kept shifting around, but there were a ton of turquoise doors. She went through one to see her dad & her younger sibling & she says, panicked, “Is mom alright? I had a dream that she died?” & the dad looks at her grimly like “She did die.” So Nidalee woman went back through the doors, trying to find an alternate reality where her mom didn’t die. She finally went through & saw her mom & got a hug from her & she was so happy!! But the next day her mom died. 

So she kept exploring & looking for realities, but no matter where she looked, even if her mom was alive when she got there, she would just see her mom die over & over & over again & while in th e in-between she didn’t age, so eventually she did just give up & leave otherwise she’d not be in her 20′s by now. It made me really sad. 

Anyway, first try, defeated Nidalee Woman but she killed Anuc. Reset save, switch to Leona’s POV, (leona was currently stuckhiding behind/under a large heavy rock), Leona warns him & - 

I wake up with a HELL STOMACHACEH but i do think anuc survived. cool