#denbigh

[moreeverydaythings]

Day 1847- Offa’s Dyke Llandegla to Bodfari

We had an early start on Day 1847. Taxis are not easy to find in North Wales and the latest pick-up we could arrange was 7:30 am! In the end, thank goodness for the early start.

We’d seen the weather forecast for the day which was basically torrential rain. The BBC Weather site prediction was for100% rain from early morning. Notwithstanding the BBC, our start was dry and the terrain for the first hour was relatively gentle. Behind we could dark mountains and even darker clouds. Despite this we congratulated ourselves on how our luck had held out and we were going to avoid the abysmal forecasted weather. Oh how naïve we were!

As we started to ascend Moel Famau, the rain started to get heavy and the cloud descended so, save for the path in front of you, there was nothing to see. Moel Famau apparently literally translates from the Welsh as “bare mothers” and is the second highest peak on the Offa’s Dyke trail. As we ascended Bare Mothers at regular interval we were met coming in the opposite direction by small groups of Liverpudlian teenagers, red faced, shivering and wearing t-shirts. Each small group usually had a cheery greeting for us such as: “Don’t go up there, mate”, “Have you brought your skis?” or “It’s f* snowin’ up there”.

I thought they’d been joking and when we did get to the summit, not that we could see anything, it was indeed snowing ..and this was July!. We did a quick photo to prove we had been there, but, of course, you could not see anything so we could have been anywhere. It was too cold and too windy to hang around so we started our descent.

By now it was absolutely tipping down with a mixture of frozen rain and sleet. It was a case of simply heads down and keep going. We were soaked through and cold. On the plus side, we had the benefit of the wind largely behind us. We saw a couple of other groups of Offa walkers heading up into the wind as we descended. They all had water running down their red faces which were totally frozen by the freezing rain, sleet and the wind. Each one of them looked exhausted. I guess we didn’t help by telling them it was even worse at the top! We eventually reached the car park for Bare Mothers on the northern side. Optimistically we’d hoped for at very least a mobile coffee van but there was nothing. We each found our own rock to shelter behind and tried to eat some energy bars. Neither of us could open the wrapping of the bars as our hands were numb from the cold. We had to keep reminding ourselves again that this was July! I eventually managed to bite my way through the wrapping before setting off for another sodden and cold climb up the next hill.

After what seemed like an eternity the path started heading generally downward towards Bodfari. There was no overnight accommodation in Bodfari and we had arranged for a taxi to pick us up from a pub called the Dinorben Arms in the early evening to take us to our overnight accommodation in Denbigh. Inevitably our talk focused on the pub. R was convinced it would have a warming open fire. I told him to stop being ridiculous because few pubs have open fires these days and, more importantly, it was July.

Frozen and dripping wet, we opened the pub door and there unbelievably was a roaring open fire….in July! Had I got hypothermia and was imagining this? There were a retired couple by the fire. “Pull up some chairs, lads” they said. “Take off your wet clothes and hang them by the fire. Nobody will mind.” And so we did. Even better the pub served a great selection of Purple Moose beers all of which I had to try.

The Dinorben Arms was indeed heaven but unfortunately Denbigh wasn’t. Everyone was nice enough but, and I’ll say no more, the town felt like it was stuck in the 1980s.

[ladymidnytemare]

Middle pic in the top row is the former North Wales Psychiatric Hospital, Denbigh 😁 I have been there a few times..

happy birthday, mary shelley!

[hungry-hobbits]

started bothering harper about spectre (again) and couldnt get this outta my head

[hazel-of-sodor]

Presenting the LBSCR B4! Including @mean-scarlet-deceiver's OC Linda!

[meep-meep-richie]

'' This isn't over yet.''

[denimbex1986]

'Andrew Scott’s success did not arrive overnight. His has been a slow and steady ascent from supporting player to leading man. But his status is now assured: at 47, the Irishman is among the most talented and prominent actors of his generation, on stage and screen.

Dublin-born and raised, Scott first took drama classes at the suggestion of his mother, an art teacher, to try to overcome a childhood lisp. At 17 he won his first part in a film, Korea (1995), about an Irish boy who finds himself fighting in the Korean War. By 21, he was winning awards for his performance in Eugene O’Neill’s Long Day’s Journey into Night, for director Karel Reisz, no less, at The Gate. He arrived in London, where he continues to live, at the end of the 1990s, and worked regularly, with smaller parts in bigger TV shows (Band of Brothers, Longitude) and bigger parts in smaller plays (A Girl in a Car With a Man, Dying City). By the mid-2000s he was well established, especially in the theatre. In 2006, on Broadway, he was Julianne Moore’s lover, and Bill Nighy’s son, in David Hare’s Iraq War drama, The Vertical Hour, directed by Sam Mendes. In 2009, he was Ben Whishaw’s betrayed boyfriend in Mike Bartlett’s Cock, at the Royal Court. He won excellent notices for these and other performances, but he was not yet a star. If you knew, you knew. If you didn’t know, you didn’t know. Most of us didn’t know; not yet.

That changed in 2010 when, at the age of 33, he played Jim Moriarty, arch nemesis of Benedict Cumberbatch’s egocentric detective, in the BBC’s smash hit Sherlock. The appearance many remember best is his incendiary debut, in an episode called “The Great Game”. When first we meet him, Moriarty is disguised as a creepy IT geek, a human flinch with an ingratiating smile. It’s an act so convincing that even Sherlock doesn’t catch on. Next time we see him, he’s a dapper psychotic in a Westwood suit, with an uncannily pitched singsong delivery and an air of casual menace that flips, suddenly, into rage so consuming he’s close to tears. Such was the relish with which Scott played the villain — he won a Bafta for it — that he risked the black hat becoming stuck to his head. In Spectre (2015), the fourth of Daniel Craig’s Bond movies, and the second directed by Sam Mendes, Scott played Max Denbigh, or C, a smug Whitehall mandarin who wants to merge MI5 and MI6, sacrilegiously replacing the 00 agents with drones. (If only.)

There were other decent roles in movies and TV series, as well as substantial achievements on stage, and he might have carried on in this way for who knows how long, even for his whole career, as a fêted stage performer who never quite breaks through as a leading man on screen.

But Scott had more to offer than flashy baddies and scene-stealing cameos. His Hamlet, at The Almeida in London, in 2017, was rapturously received. I’ve seen it only on YouTube, but even watching on that degraded format, you can appreciate the fuss. Scott is magnetic: funny, compelling, and so adept with the language that, while you never forget he’s speaking some of the most profound and beautiful verse ever written, it feels as conversational as pub chat.

Another banner year was 2019: a memorable cameo in 1917 (Mendes again) as a laconic English lieutenant; an Emmy nomination for his performance in an episode of Black Mirror; and the matinée idol in Noel Coward’s Present Laughter at London’s Old Vic, for which he won the Olivier for Best Actor, the most prestigious award in British theatre.

The second series of Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s phenomenal Fleabag, also in 2019, proved to a wider public what theatregoers already knew: Scott could play the mainstream romantic lead, and then some. His character was unnamed. The credits read, simply, “The Priest”. But social media and the newspapers interpolated an adjective and Scott became The Hot Priest, Fleabag’s unlucky-in-love interest, a heavy-drinking heartbreaker in a winningly spiffy cassock, and an internet sensation.

Fleabag began as a spiky dramedy about a traumatised young woman. Scott’s storyline saw it develop into a bittersweet rom-com, brimming with compassion for its two clever, funny, horny, lonely, awkward, baggage-carrying heroes, lovers who can’t get together because, for all the snogging in the confessional, one of them is already taken, in this case by God.

It was the best and brightest British comedy of the 2010s, and Scott’s fizzing chemistry with Waller-Bridge had much to do with that. The ending, when she confesses her feelings at a bus stop, is already a classic. “I love you,” she tells him. “It’ll pass,” he says.

Over the past 12 months, in particular, Scott has piled triumph on top of victory, and his star has risen still further. At the National, last year, he executed a coup de théâtre in Vanya, for which he was again nominated for an Olivier. (He lost out to an old Sherlock sparring partner, Mark Gatiss, for his superb turn in The Motive and the Cue, about the making of an earlier Hamlet.) For Simon Stephens’s reworking of Chekhov’s play, Scott was the only actor on stage. On a sparsely furnished set, in modern dress — actually his own clothes: a turquoise short sleeve shirt, pleated chinos, Reebok Classics and a thin gold chain — and with only very slight modulations of his voice and movements, he successfully embodied eight separate people including an ageing professor and his glamorous young wife; an alcoholic doctor and the woman who loves him; and Vanya himself, the hangdog estate manager. He argued with himself, flirted with himself and even, in one indelible moment, had it off with himself.

It’s the kind of thing that could have been indulgent showboating, a drama-school exercise taken too far, more fun for the performer than the audience. But Scott carried it off with brio. In the simplest terms, he can play two people wrestling over a bottle of vodka in the middle of the night — and make you forget that there’s only one of him, and he’s an Irish actor, not a provincial Russian(s). An astonishing feat.

For his next trick: All of Us Strangers, among the very best films released in 2023. Writer-director Andrew Haigh’s ghost story is about Adam (Scott), a lonely writer, isolated in a Ballardian west-London high-rise, who returns to his suburban childhood home to find that his parents — killed in a car crash when he was 11 — are still living there, apparently unaltered since 1987. Meanwhile, Adam begins a tentative romance with a neighbour, Henry (Paul Mescal), a younger man, also lonely, also vulnerable, also cut off from family and friends.

Tender, lyrical, sentimental, sad, strange, and ultimately quite devastating, All of Us Strangers was another potential artistic banana skin. At one point, Scott’s character climbs into bed with his parents and lies between them, as a child might, seeking comfort. In less accomplished hands, this sort of thing could have been exasperating and embarrassing. But Scott’s performance grounds the film. He is exceptionally moving in it. He was nominated for a Golden Globe for Best Actor, losing to his fellow Irishman, Cillian Murphy, for Oppenheimer. Earlier this year, he made history as the first person to receive Critics Circle awards in the same year for Best Actor in a film (All of Us Strangers) and a play (Vanya).

Finally, last month, the title role in Ripley, a new spin on the lurid Patricia Highsmith novels. That show, which unspools over eight episodes on Netflix, was a long time coming. Announced in 2019, it was filmed during the pandemic, at locations across Italy and in New York. Scott is in almost every scene and delivers an immensely subtle and nuanced portrayal of Highsmith’s identity thief, a character previously played by actors including Alain Delon, Dennis Hopper, and Matt Damon in the famous Anthony Minghella film The Talented Mr Ripley, from 1999.

The fragile almost-charm that makes Tom Ripley such an enduring antihero is there in Scott’s portrayal, but so is the creepiness, the isolation, the fear and desperation. His Ripley can turn on a smile, but it quickly curdles. Filmed in high-contrast black and white, Ripley is a sombre, chilly work by design, but doggedly compelling, and not without a mordant wit. Again, critics swooned.

So the actor is on a hot streak. Later this year he’ll appear in Back in Action, a Hollywood spy caper, alongside Cameron Diaz and Jamie Foxx, above-the-title stars with dazzling, wide-screen smiles. But could they play Chekhov single-handed? They’ll need to be on their toes.

Before our shoot and subsequent interview, in April, I had met Scott briefly on two previous occasions, both times at fancy dinners for fashion brands. Compact, stylish, dynamic, he is impishly witty and charismatic: good in a room. Also, obliging: the second time I met him, he took my phone and spoke into it in his most diabolical Moriarty voice for a wickedly funny voice message to my son, a Sherlock fan.

At the Esquire shoot, on an overcast day in south London, Scott again demonstrated his good sportiness: dancing in the drizzle in a Gucci suit; generously sharing his moment in the spotlight with an unexpected co-star, a local cat who sauntered on to the set and decided to stick around for the close-ups; and entertaining the crew — and hangers-on, including me — with rude jokes. At one point, while for some reason discussing the contents of our respective fridges, I asked him where he kept his tomatoes. “Easy, Tiger,” he said.

At lunch the following day, upstairs at Quo Vadis, the restaurant and members’ club in Soho (my suggestion), the actor arrived promptly, settled himself on a banquette, and we got straight to business. It’s standard practice now for interviews published in the Q&A format to include a disclaimer, in the American style: “This conversation has been edited for length and clarity.” (Well, duh.) In this case, we talked for close to three hours. Inevitably, paper costs being what they are, and Esquire readers having busy lives, some of that verbiage has ended up on the cutting-room floor. But not much! I’ve tried to let it flow as much as possible, and to keep the spirit of the thing, in which we toggled, like all good performances, between light and dark, comedy and tragedy.

In early March, a month before this interview took place, Scott and his family suffered a terrible and unexpected loss: his mother, Nora, suddenly died. He went home to Dublin to be with his dad, Jim, his sisters, Sarah and Hannah, and their family and friends.

As an interviewee and, I suspect, as a person, Scott is thoughtful, convivial and solicitous: he doesn’t just answer questions, he also asks them. He is not above the occasional forearm squeeze when he wants to emphasise a point. He seems to possess a sharp emotional intelligence. Perhaps one should expect empathy in a great actor, but in him it seems particularly marked.

Before we began talking, there was some studying of the menu. Scott wondered, since I eat often at Quo Vadis, if I had any recommendations. I told him I had my eye on the pie: chicken, ham and leek. “Why would you not have the pie?” wondered Scott. A good question.

So, how was your morning? Where have you come from?

This morning I’ve been at the gym, Alex.

Are you working out for a specific reason or are you just a healthy man?

Just trying to keep it going. Exercise is so helpful to me. I don’t know if you know, but my mum died four weeks ago.

I did know, and I’m so sorry.

Thank you. So, yeah. Just trying to keep it going. They say your body feels it as much as your mind.

The grief?

Yeah, the grief. My friend said a brilliant thing last night. She’s been through grief. She said, if you think of it like weights, the weight of it doesn’t decrease, but your ability to lift the weights does. So, if you go to the gym and you’re completely unpractised you won’t be able to lift the weight. But the more you get used to it, the more you can lift. There’s a slight analogy to grief. I’m just learning about it.

Have you been through grief before?

Not really. A little bit, but not to this extent. And it’s a strange thing because, obviously, I’m in the middle of having to talk a lot [promoting Ripley] and making that decision of whether to talk about it or whether not to talk about it. I’m finding myself talking about it, because it’s what’s going on, and without giving away too much of it she was such an important figure. It feels right. It’s such a natural thing.

Is it helpful to talk about it?

I think it has to be. I feel very lucky with my job, in the sense that, all those more complex, difficult feelings, that’s what you have to do in a rehearsal room; you have to explore these things. So strange: a lot of the recent work that I’ve done has been exploring grief. With Vanya, and All of Us Strangers. So it’s odd to be experiencing it this time for real.

I wasn’t planning on making that the focal point of this piece, so it’s up to you how much you feel comfortable talking about it.

I appreciate that.

Was it unexpected? Did it happen out of the blue?

Yes. She was very alive four weeks ago. She just deteriorated very quickly. She got pneumonia and she just… it was all over within 24 hours.

What sort of person was she?

She was the most enormously fun person that you could possibly imagine. Insanely fun and very, very creative. She’s the person who sort of introduced me to acting and art. She taught me to draw and paint when I was really young —that’s another big passion of mine, drawing and painting. She was amazing with all of us. My sister Sarah is very talented in sport, she’s now a sports coach. And my sister Hannah was very artistic and she’s an actor now. So, she was really good at supporting us throughout all our different interests. What I say is that we’ve been left a huge fortune by her. Not financially, but an emotional fortune, if you know what I mean? I feel that really strongly. And once this horrible shock is over, I just have to figure out how I’m going to spend it. Because I think when someone else is alive and they’ve got amazing attributes, they look after those attributes. And then when they die, particularly if they are your parent, you feel like you want to inhabit them, these incredible enthusiasts for life. She just made connections with people very easily. I feel enormously grateful to have had her. Have you had much grief in your life?

My mother died, during Covid. She had been ill for a long time, so it was a very different experience to yours. But I think they are all different experiences, for each of us. I don’t know if that loss would be in any way analogous to yours. But like you, I love art and books and music, and that’s all from her. Last night, I watched a rom-com with my daughter, who is 14. And I don’t know if I would like rom-coms so much, if it wasn’t for my mum.

Love a rom-com! What did you watch?

Annie Hall.

Did she like it, your daughter?

She absolutely loved it. She was properly laughing.

Oh, that’s great!

And she’s a tough one to impress. But she loved it, and my mum loved Woody Allen. My mum can’t recommend Woody Allen to my daughter now, but I can, and that’s come down from her. So it goes on.

That’s what I mean. Your spirit doesn’t die. And I’m sure you went to bed going, “Yes!”

I did! It was a lovely evening, it really was. Tonight we’ll watch something else.

Are you going to watch another Woody Allen? Which one are you going to watch?

I thought maybe we’d watch Manhattan? More Diane Keaton.

Or Hannah and Her Sisters? That’s a good one. Insanely good. Yeah, it’s amazing that legacy, what you’re left with. My mum was so good at connecting with people. She was not very good at small talk. She was quite socially bold. She would say things to people. If she thought you looked well, she’d tell you. She’d always come home with some story about some pot thrower she met at some sort of craft fair. Being socially bold, there’s a sort of kindness in it. When someone says something surprising, it’s completely delightful. My mother sent me something when I was going through a bad time in my twenties. It was just a little card. It said, “The greatest failure is not to delight.” What a beautiful quote. And she was just delighted by so many things, and she was also delightful. And like her, I really love people. I really get a kick out of people.

I can tell.

But there’s a kind of thing, if you become recognisable, people become the enemy? And it’s something I have to try and weigh up a little bit. Because people are my favourite thing about the world. I think it’s part of my nature. My dad is pretty sociable too. And so it’s weighing that up, how you keep that going. Because certain parts of that are out of your control: people treat you slightly differently. But this phase, the past four weeks, it still feels so new. Just thinking about legacy and kindness and love and the finite-ness of life. All that stuff.

Big stuff.

Yeah, it’s big stuff. And it’s very interesting, talking about grief. Because it’s not all just low-energy sadness. There’s something galvanising about it as well. I don’t know if you found that, too?

One of the things about someone else dying is it makes you feel alive.

Yes, exactly. Even though we have no choice, it does that. It’s that amazing thing, the year of magical thinking.

[Waiter approaches. Are we ready to order?]

We are.

I think so. Are we two pie guys?

We’re two pie guys!

We’re pretty fly for pie guys.

Are we salad guys? Tomato, fennel and cucumber salad?

Yeah.

And chips, maybe?

Listen, you only live once.

So, the year of magical thinking…

You know, when you’re walking along, are you allowed to have a surge of joy? Or are you allowed to just stay home and… It’s extraordinary when it gets you.

Like a wave of emotion?

I had one on the rowing machine today. I’m glad of it, though.

That was sadness.

Just loss, yeah. Just loss.

So, there’s two ways to do this. You can choose. We can do the usual interview where we start at the beginning with your childhood and go all the way through to now. That’s totally fine. Or, I can throw more random questions at you, and see where that takes us?

Random!

Shall we random it?

Let’s random it.

OK. That means I might sometimes read questions off this piece of paper.

Reading takes just slightly away from the randomness of it, Alex…

That is a very good point. You are quite right. But I don’t read them out in order! They’re just prompts.

[Sardonically] Oh, I see!

Talk me through what you’re wearing.

Oh, this is so old. What does it say?

[I peer at the label on the inside of his shirt collar. It says Hartford.]

What colour would you call that?

I’d call it a bit of a duck egg, Alex, would you?

I’d go with that. And it’s like a…

Like a Henley?

And these [pointing to trousers]?

Mr P trousers. And a pair of old Nikes.

And sports socks.

When I am off duty, I think I dress slightly like an 11-year-old. You know, when you’re just plodding the streets, I wear, like, a hoodie and trainers.

And you have a chain round your neck.

This is a chain that I bought in New York. No, maybe I bought it in Italy. It was a replacement chain. I’ve worn a chain for years. Sometimes I like to have it as a reminder that I’m not working. When you’re in character, you take it off. Because when you’re in a show or a play, they sort of own you. They own your hair.

They own your hair!

Or sometimes you have to walk around with, like, a stupid moustache. Or, worse, chops. Actors fucking hate that. Like, nobody suits that, I don’t think. Right? I’m trying to think of someone who suits that.

Daniel Day Lewis, maybe? He can carry it off.

He’s got the chops for chops!

What’s something about you that you think is typically Irish?

It goes back to that people thing. When I go home to Ireland, I’m aware that people talk to each other a lot more. And I think there’s a sense of humour that Irish people have that I love. And I suppose a softness, too, that I love. Those are the positive things. And then the guilt and the shame is the negative stuff.

Catholic guilt?

Catholic guilt. I feel very strongly, though, that I’ve worked to emancipate myself from it. There’s a certain unthinking-ness to guilt. Your first thought, always: “What have I done wrong? It’s gotta be me.” That doesn’t benefit anyone. And with shame, I don’t feel shame anymore. I think I probably did before. But in a way, it’s an irrelevant thing for me to talk about now. The thing I prefer to talk about is how great it is not to have that anymore. Rather than how horrible it was. The thing I feel enthusiastic about is how there are so many beautiful and different ways to live a life that aren’t centred on the very strict, Catholic, cultural idea of what a good life might be. Namely, 2.4 children and certain ideas and a very specific life.

Are there positives to be taken away from a Catholic education?

The rituals around grief, I think, are really beautiful, having gone through what I’ve just been going through. And the community that you get in Catholicism. Because that’s what Catholicism is about, in some ways: devotion to your community. The amount of love and support you get is to be admired. It’s the organisation that has been the problem, not the values. Random question number 16!

When’s the last time you were horrifically drunk?

Good question! I was in New York doing press recently for Ripley. And I met Paul Mescal. He had a negroni waiting for me. Love a negroni. And then we went dancing.

Are you a good dancer?

I’m pretty good, freestyle. Slow on choreography but once I get it, I’m OK. I love dancing.

I love dancing.

Do you really? Do you do, like, choreographed dancing as well?

No! But I’m a good dancer.

Do you have moves?

Oh, I have moves.

Ha! I love that!

It’s so freeing, so liberating.

It totally is.

And it’s sexy and fun.

Exactly! It’ll get you a kiss at the end of the night.

It’s sort of showing off, too, isn’t it?

But it’s also completely communal. It connects you with people. Also, you can learn so much about someone by watching how they connect with people on a dance floor. How much of communication do they say is non-verbal? An enormous amount.

If you didn’t live in London, where would you most like to live?

I suppose Dublin. I do live a wee bit in Dublin. But one of the things I feel really grateful for is that I have sort of been able to live all over the place. I lived in Italy for a year, during the pandemic.

You were making Ripley?

Yeah, we were all over. Rome, Venice, Capri, Naples… A bit of New York. I’d love to spend more time in New York. I was very lucky recently to have my picture taken by Annie Leibovitz. We were outside the Chelsea Hotel, and this woman came up. [Thick Noo Yawk accent, shouting]: “Hey, Annie! Why don’t you take a picture of this dumpster? It’s been outside my block for two months! Take a picture of that!” There’s something about that New York-iness that I love. It still has such romance for me.

How old do you feel?

Really young. I don’t have an exact age for you. Thirties?

Some people feel in touch with their childhood selves, or almost unchanged from adolescence. Others seem to have been born an adult.

That’s really true. I think of playgrounds for children: you’re actively encouraged to play, as a kid. “Go out and play!” And I hate that at some point, maybe in your mid-twenties, someone goes, “Now, don’t play! Now, know everything. Now, turn on the television, acquire a mortgage and tell people what you know.” I have to play for a living. It’s so important, not just in your job, but in life. It’s a great pleasure of life, if you can hold on to that. Talking about my mum again, she had an amazing sense of fun.

She was a funny person? She made people laugh?

Absolutely.

That’s important, isn’t it?

It’s really important. I think having a sense of humour is one of the most important things in life. It’s such a tool. And you can develop it. My family were all funny. Laughter was a currency in our family. Humour is a magic weapon. It separates us from the other species. Like, I love my dog. I think dogs are amazing. And he can have fun, but he’s not able to go, “This is fucking ridiculous.” He’s not able to do that! So it’s a real signifier of your humanity, in some ways.

Also, being a funny person, or someone who can connect with people through humour, that’s how we make friends.

I think actors make really good friends. Because you’re in the empathy game. And because you’re making the decision to go into an industry that is really tough, you need to have your priorities straight: “I know this is tough, I know the chances of me succeeding in it are slim, but I’m going to go in anyway.” It shows a sort of self-possession that I think is a wonderful thing to have in a friend. Also, actors are just funny. And a lot of them are sexy!

Funny and sexy: good combination.

I know! Not that you want all your friends to be sexy, that’s not how you should choose your friends.

Oh, I don’t know. It’s not the worst idea.

It’s not. But I think it’s something to do with empathy. And it’s a troupe mentality as well. You’re good in groups.

It’s a gang.

I love a gang. Do you like a gang?

I do. Magazines are like that. A good magazine is a team, a great magazine is a gang. And the thing we produce is only part of it: you put it out there and people make of it what they will. The process of making it is the thing, for me.

Oh, my God. That’s something I feel more and more. Process is as important as product. I really believe that. You can have an extraordinary product, but if it was an absolute nightmare to make then, ultimately, that’s what you’re going to remember about it. You make good things that are successful that everybody loves? That’s lovely. But also, you make stuff that people don’t respond to. So, if you have a good time in the process, and the attempt is a valiant one, and there’s a good atmosphere, if it’s kind and fun, that’s the stuff you hold on to. One of the reasons I love the theatre is you don’t have to see the product. You just do it, and then it’s done. It’s an art form that is ephemeral. There’s a big liberation, too, in discovering you don’t have to watch any of your films if you don’t want to.

Have you watched Ripley?

I watched Ripley once.

And?

It’s a lot of me in it! Jesus!

Is that a problem?

I find it hard to watch myself. I do. There’s something quite stressful about looking at yourself. Have you ever heard yourself on someone’s answering machine? Horrific! You’re like, “Oh, my God, that can’t be me. How do they let me out in the day?” It’s like that, and then it’s your big, stupid face as well. Mostly, I have a feeling of overwhelming embarrassment.

On a cinema screen, I can’t even imagine. Your face the size of a house!

The size of a house, and there’s 400 people watching you.

Nature did not intend humans to ever experience this.

That is so true. It’s not natural.

I mean, even mirrors are to be avoided.

Maybe looking in the sea is the only natural way?

Well, Narcissus!

Yeah, true. That didn’t turn out well. I’d love for that to be a tagline for a movie, though: “Nature did not intend humans to ever experience this…”

But equally, nature didn’t intend the rest of us to gaze upon you in quite that way. We sit in the dark, staring up worshipfully at this giant image of you projected on a screen for hours. Is that healthy?

Without talking about the purity of theatre again, when you’re in the theatre, you, as the audience, see someone walking on the stage, and technically you could go up there, too. There’s not that remove. It’s live. There’s a real intimacy. That’s why I feel it’s the real actor’s medium. Your job is to create an atmosphere. I always find it insanely moving, even still, that adults go into the dark and say, “I know this is fake, but I don’t care: tell me a story.” And they gasp, and they cry, or they’re rolling around the aisles laughing. It’s so extraordinary, so wonderful that it exists. I really do believe in the arts as a human need. I believe in it so deeply. During the pandemic, our first question to each other was, “What are you watching? What book are you reading?” Just to get through it, to survive. It’s not just some sort of frivolous thing. It’s a necessity. As human beings, we tell stories. Expert storytellers are really vital. No, it’s not brain surgery. But, “Hearts starve as well as bodies. Give us bread, but give us roses.” I love that quote.

Tell me about playing Hamlet. Was it what you expected it would be?

It’s extraordinary. Loads of different reasons why. From an acting point of view, there’s no part of you that isn’t being used. So you have to, first of all, have enormous physical stamina, because it’s nearly four hours long. Our version was three hours, 50 minutes. And you have to be a comedian, you have to be a soldier, you have to be a prince, you have to be the romantic hero, you have to be the sorrowful son, you have to understand the rhythm of the language, you have to be able to hit the back of the auditorium — there are just so many things about it that require all those muscles to be exercised. You know, it’s so funny that we’re talking about this today. Because at the beginning of Hamlet, it’s two months since his dad died. His mother has already remarried, to his uncle! What are they doing? I mean the idea that next month my dad might marry someone else is so extraordinary! So, Hamlet’s not mad. Of course he would wear black clothes and be a bit moody. The more interesting question [than whether or not Hamlet is mad] is, who was he before? I think he’s incredibly funny. It’s a really funny play, Hamlet. And it’s a funny play that deals in life and death: the undiscovered country from which no traveller returns. It’s about what it is to be human. And what it’s like to be human is funny, and sad. The language is so incredibly beautiful and it’s also incredibly actable. And it’s also a thriller.

And a ghost story. It’s supernatural.

It’s a supernatural ghost story. And because the character is so well-rounded, I always think of it like a vessel into which you can pour any actor or actress. So, your version, the bits you would respond to if you were playing Hamlet, would be completely different to mine or anyone else’s. It can embrace so many kinds of actors. So Richard Burton can play it or Ben Whishaw can play it or Ruth Negga can play it or I can play it, and it’s going to bring out completely different sides. Did you do much Shakespeare at school?

I did. I studied Hamlet.

I remember Mark Rylance said…

[The waiter arrives with our pies and we both take a moment to admire them before breaking the crusts… The following passages are occasionally hard to make out due to enthusiastic chewing.]

You were about to say something about Mark Rylance. I saw his Hamlet in… must have been 1989, when I was doing my A-levels. He did it in his pyjamas.

I’ve heard. He came to see [my] Hamlet. He said, you feel like you’re on a level with it, and then in week four, you plummet through the layers of the floor and you’re on a deeper level. He was exactly right. Something happens. It’s just got depth.

Does it change you? Do you learn something new about yourself, as an actor?

I think because it’s such a tall order for an actor, it’s sort of like you feel you can do anything after that. Like, at least this is not as hard as Hamlet. You know you have those muscles now. We transferred it from The Almeida on to the West End. So, we did it loads of times. That’s a big achievement.

How many times did you play him?

One hundred and fifty. Twice on a Wednesday, twice on a Saturday. Eight hours [on those days]. Even just for your voice, it’s a lot.

We keep coming back to theatre. Is that because you prefer it?

It goes directly into your veins. It’s pure. You start at the beginning of the story and you go through to the end. When you’re making a movie, it’s a different process. Your imagination is constantly interrupted. You do something for two minutes and then someone comes in and goes, “OK, now we’re going to do Alex’s close-up, so you go back to your trailer and we’re going to set up all the lights and make sure that window across the street is properly lit.” And that’s another 20 minutes, and then you try to get back into the conversation we’ve just been having… And so the impetus is a different one.

The Hot Priest…

What’s that?

Ha! I watched Fleabag again, last week. It’s so good. But The Hot Priest, he’s a coward. He gets a chance at happiness with the love of his life and he doesn’t take it.

Well, not to judge my character, but I suppose there’s an argument that he does choose love. He chooses God. That’s the great love of his life. Whatever his spirituality has given him, he has to choose that. Is there a way that they could have made that [relationship] work? Of course there is. We’re seeing it from Fleabag’s point of view, literally, so of course it feels awful [that Fleabag and the Priest can’t be together]. But I think we understand it, the thing that is not often represented on screen but which an awful lot of people have, which is the experience of having a massive connection with somebody, a real love, that doesn’t last forever. I think somebody watching that can think, “I have my version of that. And I know that I loved that person, but I also know why we couldn’t be together.” And that doesn’t mean those relationships are any less significant. It just means that they are impossible to make work on a practical level. Not all love stories end the same way.

Annie Hall.

There you go! La La Land. Love that movie.

The Hot Priest is damaged. There’s a darkness there. Journalists interviewing actors look at the body of work and try to find through lines that we can use to create a narrative. It’s often a false narrative, I know that. However, that’s what we’re here for! Let’s take Hamlet, and the Priest, and Adam from All of Us Strangers, and, I guess, Vanya himself, even Moriarty. These are not happy-go-lucky guys. Ripley! These men seem lost, lonely, sad. Is it ridiculous to suggest that there’s something in you that draws you to these characters — or is it a coincidence?

That’s a really good question. I think it can’t be a coincidence. Like, even when you said “happy-go-lucky”, right? My immediate instinct is to say, “Show me this happy-go-lucky person.” With a different prism on this person, there would be a part of him that’s not happy-go-lucky, because that’s the way human beings are. If we could think now of a part that’s the opposite of the kind of part [he typically plays], a happy-go-lucky character…

How about the kinds of roles that Hugh Grant plays in those rom-coms? Yeah, the character might be a little bit repressed, a bit awkward at first, but basically everything’s cool, then he meets a beautiful woman, it doesn’t work out for about five minutes, and then it does. The end.

[Chuckles] OK, yeah. I’d love to have a go at that.

Wouldn’t you like to do that?

I would! I really would.

Why haven’t you?

I don’t know! It’s weird. That is something I would really love to do. Because I love those films. There’s a joy to them. It’s something I would love to embrace now. When I was growing up, as a young actor, I did want to play the darkness. With Moriarty, I was like, “I’ve got this in me and I’d like to express it.” And, conversely, now I think the opposite. I know that’s a little bit ironic, given I’ve just played Tom Ripley. Ha! But I have just played it, and I have spent a lot of time in characters that are isolated. And I was in a play [Vanya] that was one person. I don’t feel sad doing those things. It’s cathartic. But I would love the idea of doing something different.

Also, you don’t strike me as a person who is especially morose.

No! No, no, no. I’m not. But again, we all contain multitudes. My mother’s legacy was so joyful. Not that she didn’t have her soulful moments, because of course she did. I mean this as the opposite of morbidity, but it doesn’t end well for any of us, it really doesn’t. So bathing in the murkier waters, it’s wonderful to be able to explore that side of you, but also the opposite is true, the idea of joy and fun and lightness is something I’m definitely interested in. Like a musical! I’d love to be in a musical. I’ve just done a cameo in a comedy that I can’t talk about yet. It was just a day, with someone I really love, and it just lifted me up. But of course, there’s the stuff that people associate you with, and that’s what brings you to the table.

You played a baddie really well, so you get more baddies.

Yeah. You have to be quite ferocious about that. You have to go, “Oh, wow, that really is a great film-maker, that’s a lovely opportunity…” But how much time do you have left and what do you want to put out to the world? I feel like I want to be able to manifest what I have within me now. That’s a wonderful thing to be able to do. It’s such a privilege. And I feel so grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given. But why not get out of the hay barn and play in the hay?

Ripley has been well received. Do you read reviews?

I read some of them.

Why?

I’m interested in the audience. You know when people say, “You should never care about what other people think?” Of course I care what people think.

Ripley is excellent, but it’s quite gruelling to watch. Was it gruelling to make?

Yeah.

Because you have to inhabit this deeply unhappy person?

Maybe not unhappy. But very isolated, I think that’s key. It was hard. There was a huge amount of actual acting. Doing 12-hour days for almost a year. I’m not necessarily convinced you should act that much.

Ripley is himself an actor. He puts on other people’s identities because he doesn’t like his own. He doesn’t like himself. Some people think actors are people who don’t like themselves so you pretend to be other people, assume other identities. Or maybe it’s that actors are hollow shells. When you’re not acting, there’s no one there. No you. Sorry to be rude.

No, it’s not rude at all. I totally understand it. But I find it to be completely the opposite of what I’ve learnt. The essence of acting, for me, the great catharsis of it, is that you’re not pretending to be somebody else, you’re exploring different sides of yourself. You’re going, who would I be in these circumstances? Some of the darkest, most unhappy people I know are the people who say, “I don’t have an angry bone in my body.” Then why do I feel so tense around you? People who have no anger… I remember I used to have it with some religious people when I was growing up. People proclaiming that they’re happy or good or kind, that does not necessarily mean that they are happy or good or kind. That’s the brand they’re selling. I’ve always liked that expression: “fame is the mask that eats into the face.” How do you keep a healthy life when you’re pretending to be other people? You do it by going, “I’m going to admit I have a dark side.” It’s much healthier to shout at a fictional character in a swimming pool [as Moriarty does in Sherlock] than it is to be rude to a waiter in a restaurant, in real life.

You find that therapeutic?

Yes, you’re still expressing that anger. I think it is therapeutic.

So playing Tom Ripley every day for a year, were you able to exorcise something, or work through something?

Well, that’s why I found Tom Ripley quite difficult. He’s hard to know, and a harder character to love. If you think of Adam in All of Us Strangers, you go, “OK, I understand what your pain is.” What I understand with Tom, the essence of that character, is that he’s somebody who has a big chasm that is unknowable, perhaps even to himself. We’re all a little bit like that, we’re all sometimes mysterious to ourselves — “I don’t know why I did that…” — but to have empathy for someone like that is difficult. You know the boy in your class who gets bullied, and it’s awful, and you try and understand it but he doesn’t make it easier for himself? That’s the way I feel about Tom Ripley. It’s a thorny relationship. Your first job as an actor is to advocate for the character. That’s why I hate him being described as a psychopath. Everyone else can say what they like about him, but I have to be like, ‘Maybe he’s just… hangry?’ So you have to try and empathise, try and understand. When we call people who do terrible things monsters — “This evil monster!” — I think that’s a way of absenting yourself from that darkness. Because it’s not a monster. It’s a human being that did this. You can’t look away from the fact that human beings, sometimes for completely unknowable reasons, do terrible things. And that’s why it’s interesting when people talk about Tom Ripley. They say, “Have you ever met a Tom Ripley type?” The reason the character is so enduring is because there’s Tom Ripley in all of us. That’s why we kind of want him to get away with it. That’s [Highsmith’s] singular achievement, I think.

I find reading the Ripley books quite unpleasant. It’s a world I really don’t want to spend any time in. I read two of them preparing for this. She’s a great writer, but they’re horrible characters; it’s a depressing world.

I agree. That’s what I found most challenging. Where is the beating heart here? How much time do I want to spend here? And when you do, well, it took its toll. It did make me question how much time I want to spend with that character, absolutely. That’s the truth.

The way you play him, he’s very controlled. You didn’t play him big.

I think it’s important to offer up difference facets of the character to the director and he chooses the ones he feels marry to his vision. And those are the ones [Steven Zaillian] chose. And he executed those expertly.

Are you a member of any clubs?

Yeah, I’m a member of the Mile High Club. No, no…

That’ll do nicely.

OK, that’s my answer.

What’s your earliest memory?

Do they still have, I think it’s called a play pen?

Sort of like tiny little jails for toddlers? What a good idea they were!

I remember being massively happy in it. My mother used to say she just used to fling me in that thing and give me random kitchen utensils. I don’t know, like a spoon. I’ve always been quite good in my own company. I really remember being left to my own imagination and being very happy.

Do you live alone now?

Yeah.

Is that not lonely?

Of course I’ve experienced that but, ultimately, no. I don’t know if that’s the way I’m going to be for the rest of my life. But I certainly don’t feel lonely. I’ve got so much love in my life.

Would it be OK if you lived alone for the rest of your life?

Yeah. It would be OK. One of my great heroes is Esther Perel.

I don’t know who that is.

Esther Perel. She’s a sort of love and relationships expert, a therapist, and she’s a writer. A real hero, I think you’d really dig her. She talks about relationships and the mythology around them. The difference between safety and freedom. She talks with real compassion about both men and women; she talks about this idea of what we think we want, and what we really want. And how there’s only one prototype for a successful life, really, or a successful relationship. Which is: you meet somebody, da-da-da, you fall in love, da-da-da, you have kids, da-da-da. And that prototype just can’t suit every person in the world. There are some people who live in the world who might see their partner every second Tuesday and that suits them. And to be able to understand and communicate your own preference at any given time is really the aim. To be able to say, “At the moment I’m happy in the way I am, but maybe at some point…” I’ve lived with people before, and maybe I will again, but at the moment it feels right to sort of keep it fluid.

The difficulty, of course, with relationships, is there’s another person with their own preferences. Maybe you’re OK with every second Tuesday, but they need Thursdays and Fridays, too…

But isn’t that the beauty of love? That you construct something, like a blanket. You stitch all these things together. One of the things about being gay and having a life that ultimately is slightly different from the majority of people’s, is you learn that you can create your own way of living, that is different and wonderful. A homosexual relationship doesn’t necessarily have to ape what a heterosexual relationship is. That’s a very important thing to acknowledge. I mean, of course, if you want to do that, that’s brilliant. But you don’t have to. To me, the worst thing is to be dishonest or uncommunicative or unhappy or joyless in a relationship. It’s much more important to be able to have a difficult conversation or a brave conversation about how you feel or what you want. So many of my gay friends, I feel very proud of them, really admiring of the fact we have these conversations. It seems very adult and very loving to be able to acknowledge that the difference between safety and freedom can be real torture for some people. How do I love somebody, and still keep my own sense of autonomy and adventure? That’s a real problem. That’s what Esther Perel says. It’s one of the biggest causes of the demise of a relationship. That people coast along, they can’t have that conversation, and then the whole bottom falls out of the boat.

I wasn’t necessarily going to ask you about being gay. One tries to avoid labelling you as “gay actor Andrew Scott” instead of “actor Andrew Scott, who happens to be gay”. But since we’re talking about it already: because you’re famous, you become a de facto spokesperson for gay people. People look to you for the “gay opinion.” Are you OK with that?

I’ll tell you my thoughts on that. If I talk about it in every interview, it sounds like I want to talk about it in every interview. And, of course, I’m asked about it in most interviews, so I’m going to answer it because I’m not ashamed of it. But sometimes I think the more progressive thing to do is what you’re saying: to not talk about it and hopefully for people to realise that if you had to go into work every single day and they said, “Hey, Alex! Still straight? How’s that going?”… I mean, being gay is not even particularly interesting, any more than being straight is. But I understand, and I’m happy to talk about it. I suppose it depends on the scenario. I just don’t want to ever give the impression that it isn’t a source of huge joy in my life. And at this stage in my life, rather than talk about how painful it might have been or the shame, or not getting cast in things [because of it], actually, I’m so proud of the fact that I’m able to play all these different parts and, hopefully, in some ways it demystifies it and makes people — not just gay people, but all people — go, “Oh, yeah, that’s great that it’s represented in the world, but being gay is not your number-one attribute.” The problem is it becomes your schtick. Frankly, I feel like I’ve got just a bit more to offer than that.

Two reasons I think you get asked about being gay. One is just prurience — you’re famous and we want to know who you’re shagging — and the other is that identity politics is such an obsession, and so polarising, and we hope you’ll say something controversial.

I think that’s right, I think that’s what it is. But sometimes people think there’s just one answer, in 15 characters or less. That’s something I resist, slightly.

All of Us Strangers is about loads of things, about grief, love, loneliness, but it’s also very specifically about being gay. To me, anyway.

Yes, it is.

I thought, in particular, that the scene with Claire Foy, where your character comes out to his mother, was incredibly moving.

Isn’t it extraordinary, though, that you, who is not a gay person, could find that so moving? There’s no way you’d find that moving if it was only about being gay. I always say that coming out has nothing to do with sex. When you’re talking to your parent, you’re not thinking, “Oh, this is making me feel a bit frisky.” Anyone can understand that this is about somebody who has something within them — in this case, it’s about sexuality — that he hopes is not going to be the reason that his parents don’t speak to him anymore. And I think we all have that: “I hope you still love me.” And the great pleasure about All of Us Strangers is that it’s reached not just a particular type of audience, but all types of people. And I love they’re able to market it to everyone. Usually they do this weird thing where they pretend the film’s not gay…

Right. There would be a picture of a woman on the poster.

Exactly. Someone who’s playing the neighbour! But now you’re able to market a film with Paul [Mescal] and I, and the fact is that that’s going to sell tickets. I know there’s a long way to go, but that is progression. Before, that wasn’t the case. This time, no one gave a fuck. Nothing bad happened. The world didn’t explode. Family didn’t collapse.

Identity politics question: there’s an opinion now frequently expressed that gay people ought to be played by gay actors, and so on. What are your thoughts on that?

The way I look at it, if somebody was to make a film about my life — it’d be quite a weird film — would I want only gay actors to be auditioned to play me? I would say that I’m more than my sexuality. But there might be another gay person who feels that’s incredibly important to who they are and how they would like to be represented on film. How do we balance that? I don’t know. I don’t have an easy answer on that. I think it’s a case-by-case thing.

You’ve played straight people and gay people. You’re Irish but you’ve played English people and American people. I would hope you would be able to continue doing that.

The question I suppose is opportunity, and who gets it. It was very frustrating to me, when I was growing up, that there were no gay actors.

Well, there were lots of gay actors…

But not “out” gay actors. Now there are more. Representation is so important. So I think it’s complicated, and nuanced. And talking about it in a general way rather than a specific way is not always helpful. It depends which film we are talking about. Which actor.

You were spared the curse of instant mega-fame, aged 22. Would you have handled that well?

No. I think all that scrutiny and opinion, it’s a lot. Now I’m able to look at a bad review or somebody saying something really horrible about the way I look, or even someone saying really nice things about that, and go [shrugs]. Before, when that happened, it was devastating. But I survived and it was fine, and I got another job and I was able to kiss someone at a disco, so… Whereas if you’re 22 and you don’t have that experience behind you, you go, “Oh, my God. This is horrible, what do I do?” And also, there’s much more scrutiny now, so much more. I think that must be really hard. Social media is a crazy thing, isn’t it?

I think it’s a horrible thing, on the whole.

That thing you were saying about cinema, about how it’s not natural to see yourself, or other people like that… The amount of information that we’re supposed to absorb and process? Wow. You wake up in the morning and you’re already looking at it.

They used to say that the fame of TV actors was of a different order because they are in your home. People felt they knew the stars of Coronation Street in a much more intimate way, while movie stars, Cary Grant or whoever, these were much more remote, almost mythical creatures. People who are famous on Instagram or TikTok are in the palm of your hand talking to you all day.

And it’s so interesting what people on social media choose to tell you about their lives, even when nobody’s asking them any questions. Like, is that person insane? It’s a very dangerous thing. I find it troubling.

Do you think things are getting better or are they getting worse?

That’s such a good question. I have to believe they’re getting better. I don’t know what that says about me.

It says you’re an optimist.

I think I am an optimist.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever put in your mouth?

Fucking hell. Do you know what I don’t like? Any food that you don’t have to put any effort into eating.

Give me an example.

Custard.

Yes!

I don’t mind ice cream, because it’s got a bit of texture. But I don’t like mashed potato. I don’t like creamed potatoes, or creamed anything.

Risotto?

Absolutely borderline. So if it’s got a little bite to it, it’s OK. But baby food. Ugh! Makes me feel a bit sick.

What’s your favourite of your own body parts?

Ahahah! What do I like? What have we got? I don’t mind my nose? My eyes are OK. Like, my eyes are definitely expressive, God knows. Fucking hell. I remember I was in rehearsal once, and the director said, “Andrew, I just don’t know what you’re thinking.” And the whole company started to laugh. They were like “You don’t? What the fuck is wrong with you?” Because I think I’ve got quite a readable face.

Which is a tool for an actor, right?

It can be a tool for an actor. But you have to learn what your face does, as an actor. On film, your thoughts really are picked up.

What’s your favourite body part that belongs to someone else?

I like hands. And I like teeth. Someone with a nice smile.

Are you similar to your dad?

Yeah, I am. He’s pretty soft-natured, which I think I am, to a degree. He likes fun, too. And he likes people. He’s good at talking to people. He’s kind of sensitive, emotional. He’s a lovely man, a very dutiful dad to us, very loyal.

Would you miss the attention if your fame disappeared overnight?

I definitely think I would miss an audience, if that’s what you mean. The ability to tell a story in front of an audience, I’d miss that. Not to have that outlet.

Before you got famous, you were having a pretty decent career, working with good people, getting interesting parts. Would it have been OK to just carry on being that guy, under the radar?

Oh, my God, yes. Absolutely.

Would you have preferred that to the fame?

The thing is, what it affords you is the opportunity to be cast in really good stuff. You get better roles, particularly on screen. And I’m quite lucky. I have a manageable amount of fame, for the most part.

Some people are born for fame. They love it. They’re flowers to the sun. Others should never have become famous. They can’t handle it. You’ve found you’re OK with it.

Do you know what I feel? I feel, if I was in something I didn’t like, if I was getting lots of attention for something I didn’t feel was representative of me, I think I’d feel quite differently. I feel very relaxed, doing this interview with you today. I feel like, whatever you’re going to ask me, I would feel self-possessed enough to say, “Alex, do you mind if we don’t talk about that?”

Shall we leave it there, then?

Thank you. That was lovely.'

[lumillsie]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ james bond masterlist. ੈ✩‧₊˚

╰┈➤ james bond, vesper lynd, le chiffre, gareth mallory (m), maximilian denbigh (c), lyutsifer safin

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ james bond. ੈ✩‧₊˚

tba.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ vesper lynd. ੈ✩‧₊˚

tba.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ le chiffre. ੈ✩‧₊˚

tba.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ gareth mallory. ੈ✩‧₊˚

tba.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ maximilian denbigh. ੈ✩‧₊

tba.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ lyutsifer safin. ੈ✩‧₊˚

tba.

[dorminchu]

Insult to Injury: The Director’s Cut — Chapter 06

a\n: Commissioned art by @marianaillust​ and @addictivities​ respectively.

Also: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

VI: WHY CAN’T I FORGET YOU, AND START MY LIFE ANEW?

At twenty eight Safin had no family or friends to call upon, nor piety. Nothing left to cling to but indomitable rage, sluiced away to expose the rot beneath artifice. The matter of his survival depended entirely on his abilities. For twenty eight years, he sought the wrong answer to his existence. A fleeting moment of vengeance could never compare to a legacy. Gostan endeavored to leave himself behind in a more permeable way than obituary.

Gostan's facility in the Kuril Islands, The Poison Garden. Before it was repossessed by the FSB, his father and a man called The Cipher worked together. Gostan had the knowledge of myriad poisons while The Cipher provided funding. Assassinations became suicides. Alternatives to euthanasia. Guntram Shatterhand, a colleague of The Cipher's, took command after Gostan died. An affluent horticulturalist, he could never appreciate its beauty.

Safin’s first job for QUANTUM began with Guntram Shatterhand and The Pale King. “You’ve worked for Shatterhand before,” said the contact. “In ’96, the Austria job.” Safin disguised his ignorance with a protracted stare. “Lucky for you, The Pale King isn’t one to hold a grudge. All that matters is that you accomplish the job.”

A colleague of The Pale King, The Cipher, otherwise known as Le Chiffre, was the kind of man who bet his entire fund in a short sale. If he crippled smaller economies in the process, so be it. The Pale King had functioned as QUANTUM’s head of finance until the mid-nineties, when Le Chiffre took control and spent the next decade at his own whims. Funding wars, drug cartels, human trafficking, gambling, nothing was below Le Chiffre’s interest. The Pale King had enough of it.

MI6’s new operative, 007, was his own complication. A real wildcard, with no problem blowing up an embassy in Madagascar to apprehend Le Chiffre’s bomb-maker. His recent attack on a private airbase put Le Chiffre in the public headlines and cost his latest stock investment. Not to be outdone, Le Chiffre decided to host a last-ditch game of poker at the Casino Royale in Royale-les-Eatix in order to break-even.

Vesper Lynd, a British Treasury agent with no prior field experience. After her lover was detained out of MI6’s jurisdiction, she struck a deal with Le Chiffre for his survival. The prize money should be transferred through Le Chiffre’s account back to The Pale King.

007 waltzed into the casino and introduced himself to the socialites as James Bond, as though he were a celebrity. He did not smoke. Drank steadily. Not to excess. Played well, up until one of Le Chiffre’s associates slipped digitalis in his martini. As 007 drank, the regulars at the table had not touched their own. And when 007 excused himself, staggering away from the table, the game proceeded as if nothing had happened.

Lynd excused herself as well. When 007 walked back into the casino, perspiring but otherwise unbowed, Le Chiffre’s confidence could not recover. By the end of the night 007 walked out of the Royale a very rich man, arm-in-arm with Vesper Lynd.

At around five in the morning, Safin was given the order. Le Chiffre was holding them both north of Dieppe.

The vehicle used to transport 007 and Lynd, parked in front of the gate to the French-style summer villa. A hasty departure from the Royale left less time to tighten security. No men on post outside the villa. Aside from his silenced PB and bulletproof mask, at a distance Safin could pass for a standard concierge. Two guards playing cards under the naked bulb, summarily dispatched. The woman, bound at the wrists and ankles, did not look up. With a pistol to the back of her head she shuddered to life, hackles raising.

“Vesper Lynd?” Her trembling worsened against the gun’s barrel. “Where is the money?”

“Password,” she whispered. “It’s an account I have to transfer, there’s a password—”

“Who else knows?”

“No one.” Lynd shuddered. “Just me.”

The gun lifted. From his breast pocket he produced a small cloth. "Thank you." His gloved hand clapped over her mouth and nose. She struggled but could do little with her arms and legs tied. The chair rattled with her resistance. When she went limp, Safin pocketed the rag and moved over to the unlocked door. The stench of stale blood and sweat mingling with freshly-brewed coffee.

007, tightly secured at the ankles and wrists against an upturned chair, stripped naked. The outline of Le Chiffre, crouched with a knife. He rose on the balls of his feet but did not look at the door directly.

“Is the car ready?” Safin did not answer. 007 struggled against the dirty floor, punch-drunk. Le Chiffre nudged the side of his head with a polished shoe, eliciting an animal sound of distress. “Inform the driver I will be running late.”

Safin raised the pistol and shot Le Chiffre in the knee. Le Chiffre cried out, crumpled to the dirty floor, dropping the knife. As he scrambled for it, Safin closed the distance and stepped on his hand. Physical violence itself was often redundant during an interrogation. Psychological warfare, the anticipation of a threat, could give a better indication of a man’s psyche and frailties.

Safin kicked him in the stomach. A gurgling rasp, Le Chiffre doubled over and wheezed. “You know what I’m going to ask.”

“The money? Look—I’ll get the money. You go back up those stairs and tell—”

“Either you’re a degenerate,” said Safin coldly, “or grossly incompetent. Perhaps both. I’ve waited twenty eight years to speak with you.”

Le Chiffre swallowed dryly, his eyes flickering to the PB. “I don’t believe we’ve met.”

Safin’s grip tensed. “Gostan Radinovich. You sold his weapons to the highest bidder and slaughtered the rest of his family. But you weren’t careful.”

Le Chiffre’s eyes flickered. His mouth thinned. “Wasn’t anything personal. If you put that gun down, I’ll come quietly.” His hand shifted underneath him. A hidden weapon. A pager. It made little difference, with Lynd’s word.

“There’s only one thing you can do for me,” said Safin quietly.

A silenced shot. Le Chiffre’s expression froze. The rivulet of blood bloomed from his forehead. He convulsed softly where he lay, his body exhuming itself of waste, Safin lowered the gun, regaining his composure.

A low, animal groan. 007, semiconscious in the dirt. His skin crusted with blood, as was the metal cane laid beside the upturned chair. Safin averted his eyes out of respect.

That same morning, 007 and Lynd were relocated to a private clinic to receive medical attention. The Pale King’s money was transferred into the account a few months later.

⁂

During the late-aughts, Safin was offered a long-term contract as a fixer by Marco Sciarra, one of SPECTRE’s assassins. Concerned for his wife’s security as well as his own, Sciarra was looking for someone reliable and discerning. Just a button man, as Sciarra put it. His colleagues would gather, talking about anything that came to mind over alcohol and perhaps. The occasional trouble with spouses. If there was a mistress who’d overdosed in the guest bathroom, or a subordinate who couldn’t keep his hands away from someone’s daughter, Safin would take care of it. In this way, Safin gained a deeper understanding into their company woes.

Le Chiffre’s death was weatherable—outside of his monetary value, he had always been weak-willed and perverse. The loss of Dominic Greene, along with the Pale King’s kidnapping, put several more QUANTUM members in the public eye. They already had informants within the CIA, INTERPOL, and to a lesser degree MI6. After the deal in Bolivia fell through, The Pale King began liquidizing QUANTUM’s assets. While this was a significant loss, it presented an opportunity for redemption. Establishing connections with more disciplined operatives, and requesting favours—by 2012, he had amassed enough power and funds to create a private intelligence agency in QUANTUM’s shadow. The Pale King would never reach the level of success he had once had, his loyalty to the company was paramount.

SPECTRE had to diversify its portfolio. Collaborating frequently with smaller, unscrupulous groups looking for a cut of their earnings. Exceptions had to be made for their cohorts, undeserving of a seat around the table at the Palazzo Cadenza. A wordless divide formed between the old blood and new. The head of SPECTRE became increasingly utilitarian and ruthless. Like Le Chiffre before him, he was never “too good” for any business. SPECTRE’s pursuits branched out into counterfeit pharmaceuticals and human trafficking and terrorism.

Their latest operative, a Brazilian with bleached hair, was making the rounds, introducing himself. Safin happened to make eye contact, the Brazilian sauntered over and said, "Lucifer, isn’t it?"

Safin noted the concave in his jaw, slight droop of his eyelid. "Tiago Rodriguez."

The Brazilian huffed. "I haven’t been called Tiago since my resignation from MI6." He took up a spot on the wall next to Safin, as if they were having a casual conversation. "I confess, I assumed you would be older." They sized each other up. “Sciarra is a good friend of mine. He spoke highly of you.” Silva’s eyes scanned his face. The scars imbued. “You dealt with Le Chiffre and 007. Yet you’re still only a fixer.”

“It’s my assignment.”

Silva’s mouth curled. “You learn a lot about a man, in his final moments. It’s very intimate. I’m curious. What was Le Chiffre like?”

“How much does SPECTRE pay for your dental?”

The room went quiet.

Silva, unmoved, looked him in the eyes. Something cold and precise. The same part of him that woke up every morning, in Hong Kong.

His melodic laugh cut through the tension. “That’s very good!” Safin hesitated. This wasn’t really working out the way he’d intended. "It’s strange, Lucy," Silva was saying, glued to his spot along the wall, "you’re the only one here I seem to have any commonality with. Both of us, intelligence officers. Abandoned by superiors in the line of service. Out for revenge in our own ways.”

No one in his life had ever called him Lucy. If they had, it would’ve lasted all of two seconds before they were summarily dealt with. It wouldn’t do to make an enemy of Silva. “How long have you spent rehearsing this?”

"I’ve always had a knack for improvisation."

Best to humour his ego a little. “What is your business with SPECTRE?”

"Cybersecurity. It’s far from my only endeavor. Just between us—I’ve been fortunate enough to establish a contact in Hong Kong. By the next quarter I should have my own investment." Safin said nothing. "I’d even be willing to give you a discount."

"I’m not interested."

Silva huffed. "Oh, come now. No one is that antiquated."

"It’s bad for business, to shit where you eat. Look what happened to Greene."

Silva hummed, as if this was a point worth meditation. "You’ll learn to compromise, if you ever come to work for SPECTRE. Don’t let your intelligence get in the way of an opportunity." He clapped him on the shoulder.

That same year Silva’s quest for vengeance ended with MI6’s head of SIS, Olivia Mansfield. 007’s interference cost them intel on a dozen NATO agents, and their hitman Patrice; Safin assumed his seat. The surviving members of SPECTRE assembled at the Palazzo Cadenza.

Their leader, Ernst Stavro Blofeld, surveyed them with a look of polite but unmistakable disapproval. Time and time again, Blofeld pulled the organisation away from certain collapse. Despite the string of incidents over the last six years, there was no lasting ill-will felt towards him from any member at the table. They were bound together by something deeper than the need for money or power.

"It is a shame," he said, "that we have lost two of our operatives. I will commend Patrice for his efforts, with NATO. And Silva for his tenacity. Yet, he also drew SPECTRE’s name into the light. We have made this mistake before, with Mr. Greene. There will be no repetitions, going forward." His voice was light and flat. He had an enigmatic smile and childlike gleam about his eyes whenever discussing a topic of interest, or destroying his enemies—there was little difference. Silence around the table in anticipation of his decree. Blofeld smiled. "At the same time, it would be foolish not take advantage of this opportunity. MI6’s standing has been brought into question. We are already in the process of infiltrating their numbers. Now we will see to it that they devour each other.”

⁂

By 2014, the hot topic of contention among SPECTRE operatives was the new head of SIS. "Mallory is a thorn in our side," said Max Denbigh, the latest import from MI5. "But not impermeable. He’s just cleared out a derelict lab down in London for construction. We believe he plans to manufacture a biological weapon, similar to the one used during the false flag operation in West Africa."

A former SAS Lieutenant Colonel, the only stain on Mallory’s immaculate record was Project Heracles. Peace did not exist without the threat of consequence. The cruelest man could not return to a family of distended corpses. In theory, Heracles was more efficient than a traditional assassination or malfunctioning automobile. Somewhere down the line, every man became expendable. Most did not appreciate this truth while they were alive.

Denbigh was on pace to become Director-General of the Joint Security Service—a proposed merge of MI5 and MI6 into one branch for the sake of transparency, which should go into effect next year. During this period, a series of global terrorist incidents would generate favour towards the proposed global surveillance initiative, “Nine Eyes”. SPECTRE would be given immediate, unrestricted access through the Centre for National Security. Contact had been quietly established from a private intelligence compound in the Saharan desert.

"SPECTRE’s machinations were achieved with careful planning," Dr Vogel said. "If we allow Heracles to fall into the wrong hands, the weapon will point back to the scientists.”

"We can simply dispose of them as necessary."

"The nanobots require DNA samples," Blofeld said. "By what means would these be acquired?"

"You’re familiar with Smart Blood? That’s a tracking device we inject into the arm of every operative in the Joint Security Service. With Heracles, an injection won’t even be necessary. All it takes is a little DNA and skin contact."

“But it will be impossible to control,” said Abrika. “What is to stop a group with ill-intent from targeting our families?”

Denbigh shook his head. "It’s only an idea. It will be fine-tuned during development. Progress will be much smoother once the Nine Eyes programme is complete."

"What worked in Africa," said Safin coolly, "will not suffice for the rest of the world."

Denbigh glared across the table at Abrika. “We could be accomplishing far more than we have been, relying on ground missions.” His eyes fell on Safin as he said this. “With no disrespect to our operatives, perhaps it’s time we reevaluated our approach.”

“Doctor Vogel,” said Blofeld, “has already delivered on her shipments. It is Mr. White who came up short. A quarter of a million.” Blofeld’s hands on the table remained still, like a taxidermized model. "Since last year, we’re just not pulling in numbers like we used to." A casual glance in White’s direction provoked no response. "I don’t wish to diminish your contributions, Mr. White. You’ve been a loyal friend from the beginning. No doubt, this is just another rough quarter we have to endure. But given our current diplomatic standing in Africa,” Blofeld said, “I believe Sciarra and Guerra should be capable of handling Safin’s responsibilities for the time being. Field missions are well and good, but if you spend all of your life on the ground it’s easy to neglect the bigger picture." The smile on Blofeld’s face never touched the eyes; it was just another mechanical action. "If there are no objections," said Blofeld, "then we’ll conclude the meeting here."

Safin turned his head to the head of the table. His voice was taut. "With respect to your decision, I think 007 is more of a threat to our operation than—"

"—I fail to see how this is your concern," Blofeld said with a wave of his hand. "Denbigh is keeping tabs on him."

"James Bond has lost us more funding and connections in five years than in the syndicate’s history. If our goal is to weaken the new SIS, as you suggested last year, then we should target their rogue agent."

"I assure you," said Blofeld curtly, "it is within our interest to be patient. It is imperative that we do not fall prey to obsessive suspicion.”

Safin held his tongue.

⁂

Twelve hundred miles away, Madeleine opened the door to her apartment. She kicked off her shoes and set them aside in the closet. She stumbled into her laundered clothes in the basket, from the day before. She cursed and sat down on the side of the freshly-made bed. After three months, she was falling into her new life. The apartment in Lakkegata, a twin room on the topmost floor. Split between kitchen and bedroom, with separate a bathroom. Glass doors on the furthest wall led to a red-brick patio. Amenities included in the bill. No locks on the bedroom doors. Bi-weekly cleaning.

Most affluent twenty-somethings wouldn’t have the presence of mind to think like a criminal. They were caught up in more pressing dilemmas, like aging parents and taxes and strained friendships. Substance abuse. Lack of self-fulfillment. In a clean, well-lit apartment complex, you didn’t need a portable safe stored between the coats and the shoes. Why ever think about installing a hidden camera in the potted plant, unless you were prone to paranoia?

In the safe; prepaid phone, false identification. Voice protector. Beretta, untouched since Zürich. Spare ammo. Cleaning kit. License to carry.

In the space behind the wall, behind the outlets you could make a crawlspace. Store money, jewels. Anything small or easy to misplace from drawers.

As a child, her father’s colleagues were faceless men in double-breasted suits. After her mother died, he figured he could stop dragging Madeleine along to business parties. Feigning interest in her schooling. Her hobbies. Choice of friends. Her mother would have a lot to say about her taste in men.

Last week, her receptionist pulled her aside during lunch and explained she really couldn’t keep fielding her calls. It wasn’t her father. Just a recruiter from the MSF, who knew her from a friend of a friend. "I’m in the middle of putting together a charity gala. You know the conference hall at the Raddison Blu hotel? I was wondering if you would be interested in attending, since you’ve been so loyal to our foundation." To make the MSF look good. Another injection into the public eye. Madeleine called back and said she would love to.

Living alone, there were no prerequisites for her behavior. A copy of Les Fleurs du Mal placed strategically on the end-table. If it was moved, the cleaner had been here. The television was only useful if she was in the mood to listen to music. White noise. Reading aloud to herself in the empty room, or working. On a clearer day she’d sit on the patio and look across at the buildings opposite. The gentler breeze on her face, sunlight. Ambient traffic below. Perhaps she’d rise from her seat just in time for the silenced shot to pierce her breast. Falling back into the chair, blood staining the red brick. Perhaps it would be more subtle. The patio door sliding open. A hand on her back sending her headfirst over the metal railing. It could be the maid.

Another empty casket and eulogy. A small handful of colleagues she hadn’t talked to in years would materialize, offer their condolences. Then everyone would go home. Her father's final mistake, rectified.

Without the emotional baggage, her gun was a necessary evil. Without practise, it was simply taking up space. So she had taken to frequenting the nearest gun club, twice a week.

She'd reached a point of stability, not comfort. Taking point. Raising the gun. Eyes on the target. Her hands trembled a little. Each shot, a new perforation in the target. Stench of gunpowder. Acrid taste of human rot in the back of her throat. Rush of saliva flooding her mouth. Standing in the snow, clutching the gun in her freezing hands. In the gallery. What guiltless monster said, I did it, and it was nothing personal. You won’t go the way of your mother? What drove a killer towards empathy, if not a different kind of madness?

The one constant in her life was Hinx, her new CPO. He went with her to the range. He had a wrestler’s build, dark eyes. His forearms were thicker than her neck, and he hardly said more than a few sentences to her. His silence was a comfort where Safin’s offered ambiguity.

The other constant, she'd encountered during her first foray to the Raddison Blu hotel. It was her father's idea to visit for her birthday. A quiet, awkward dinner, engaged in a one-sided conversation. All she had to do was nod along, but she brought up her mother. In Zürich, she left behind her old shame. Cowardice masked as civility. She said, without using names, that she'd figured it out herself. She made some excuse to get away.

Conrad was a little older than her but not by much. Clean-cut. Sandy hair. He didn’t give his last name, but he bought her a drink at the bar two floors down. The staff in the restaurant were rather aloof, they both agreed. And there was no harm in a drink. She told him about her clinical psychiatry and he told her about his work in business. It really didn’t matter much. Plenty of men saw the veneer of a well-dressed, attractive woman out drinking by herself and looked no further than the enigma in her eyes. Vulnerability molded into dependence.

But surely, said Madeleine, he didn’t invite her to drink with out of the goodness of his heart.

He got a kick out of that, for some reason. She was awfully cynical.

But you haven’t denied it, she said, offering a smile that didn’t touch her eyes.

Of course, she didn’t sit down out of the goodness of her heart either. There was no such thing as a free lunch. She took another sip. Her head buzzing.

It took very little effort to convince him into going back into his apartment. A meaningless affair to staunch the void inside her heart. It never solved anything but it was something to do to escape the alternative of being left alone with her own reflection. Better, to be percieved as enigmatic and untouchable and desirable. She was picturing his face in the newscast. Another dead body. Someone’s son, perhaps. The only stakes were another dead body. No exploded cars. No broken bodies decorating the pavement. Polite good-byes, no excitement there. 

She had very little time or interest in ingratiating herself with another person. Desire was flattering, but pointless in the long-term, once the spark subsided and there was nothing left to barter. As she got older, the ache in her chest became easier to weather.

Conrad was someone to hold in the dark. Their trajectories were so far removed there was no sense in comparing them.

She woke up early. The sun had yet to surface. There was hardly any sunlight in Norway, this time of year. That morning in Zürich felt years apart, yet inescapable. The overwhelming promise of dread at her door. That sense of peace, clarity, in its wake.

Two hours from now, she had to be in the office. 

Conrad was awake.

He said that he’d like to get to know her better. He’d enjoyed talking to her.

Considering his offer. A means of staving off that emptiness, just for a while. Of rebuilding what was once lost. Smothering all of her unreasonable fears with a veneer of safety. Conrad didn’t have to learn every secret. Nor did she have to understand all of his.

She’d gotten off on normalcy in France, and to a larger degree in her father’s care. There wasn’t anyone in her new life to miss her.

At the apartment, the only signs of activity were her misplaced sheets. The running washer-and-dryer combo. The dishwasher to be emptied. Groceries in the fridge. No alcohol. Maybe go out and have a drink, what could that hurt? It forced improvisation, socialization. Blending in with the people on the street. Waiting for the car to explode. Each night, the weight on the bed was only hers. She showered, redressed and took a couple painkillers. No one was offering her tea.

⁂

The private clinic ran several different operations, including a diversion program. Their focus was on rehabilitative incarceration. Madeleine’s pool of patients came from a selective list. Kęstutis, the senior corrective counsellor, called her a rubber stamp. A short man with heavy-rimmed glasses and thinning brown hair, he was usually fair when it came to the bureaucratic side of her job.

Her office was a bit more spacious. Cream walls, dark wood furniture. Everything was too clean and smelled a little like disinfectant. About as reassuring as a trip to the dentist. No amount of tireless work was going to erase her status as Mr. White’s daughter. Every morning, she placed the gun on the front desk, the staff avoided eye contact. Secure in her office, buried in papers.

The clientele possessed a debonair that would suggest opulence. Always looking to talk their way out of their situation. Offering bribes. Some would attempt charm. They’d take notice of how well she was dressed. Her perfume. Making small talk that only wasted their allotted time with her. She took down their reactions with a detached interest. Yes, of course you’re feeling disrespected. It’s natural. You were in the right, you had to defend yourself.

Guerra, her latest client, in his late thirties. He dressed in a two-piece suit. Madeleine watched him through the window, speaking to the receptionist. Leaning on the counter a little too long. Guerra was here on drug charges. When the door opened he took a seat, body language placid. "You’re new," he said. "How long have you been working here?"

"A few months."

Guerra’s eyes shifted past her, toward the window. "Your receptionist is a little uptight. You’re not going to be like that, are you?"

Madeleine’s attention flickered to follow. The receptionist’s interest in her paperwork a little too protracted. During each session, Hinx was never out of sight. Through the slats of the blinds, on the other side of the door.

“I mean, I don’t know whose dick she had to suck to get this job. It’s a disgrace.” He shrugged. “You’re White’s daughter? Guess you’d know a thing or two about it.”

That didn’t take very long. Madeleine looked him in the eyes. “You will conduct yourself appropriately, while you’re in this office.” Guerra stared back, indifferent on the surface. “Do you not want to be cleared of these charges?”

The flash of insult in his eyes. Shoulders tense. “I was referring to nepotism.”

“You understand,” said Madeleine, “this process requires your cooperation. When I write this report, it doesn’t only reflect on my judgement, but your competence.” Her hand slipped under the desk, on a small button under the lip. She kept her voice stable. “My verdict is the only thing keeping you out of prison. You really think it’s prudent to disrespect me?”

Guerra was unpleasant, but his weakness made it easy enough to corral him into submission. Just another spawn of a successful businessman who’d never faced the consequences for his behavior. He’d brood or make idle threats and take it out on someone else who didn’t have a CPO like Hinx to look after them. Another bloated corpse on the cover of that day’s tabloid, hauled from the belly of the Akerselva river.

The only difference between her and the trust-funds cycling through her office was her clean record.

 ⁂

Next morning, Madeleine came into work. Guerra had canceled their meeting without so much as an explanation. A stocky woman with greying hair and sharp eyes sitting in the reception area, introduced herself as Klebb.

Madeleine bade her into the office. "You’ll have to excuse me. My last client cancelled this morning. I wasn’t expecting anyone else."

The woman did not sit. Under her arm, a manilla folder. Closing the door behind her, she drew the blinds. "You’ve been reassigned."

"I wasn’t notified. You will have to speak to my—"

“I am not here to be coached, Doctor." The woman set the folder down on the desk. "When did you last speak to Lyutsifer Safin?"

Madeleine hesitated. The woman’s eyes scanned her face. "Three—months ago."

"In the seventeen years I have known him, he has never spoken as openly to an outsider as he did to you."

Madeleine hesitated. She hadn’t told anyone a word about Zürich.

"We have eyes everywhere," said Klebb, with the barest hint of a smile. "The recording from the safehouse provides fragments. Not the whole picture. Safin is the son of an intelligence officer who dealt with many poisons. Before he was discharged from service, he was quite formidable."

"He was discharged? For what reason, if I may ask?"

Klebb smiled. It was not a pleasant or natural look on her face. More like something practised. The cruelty shone through. "A canister of herbicide ruptured and exploded at close-quarters. Most of the documents were destroyed to erase his identity." At last, she took a seat opposite Madeleine's desk. “While he was old enough to be attending school in the orphanage, there were many physical fights with other children.”

"Did he initiate these fights?” Klebb stared at her. "Perhaps he felt as if he had no one to protect him from harm."

"It is possible," said Klebb. "He was given many psychological evaluations, but was able to clear all of them. Nevertheless he kept getting in trouble. When he was nine years old, he was set to be counselled on the threat of expulsion. A month after this, the psychologist assigned to him was found dead in his office. It was suspected at the time to be Safin’s doing but unable to be proven. The case was overlooked.”

"Did he get in any more fights after this incident?"

Klebb paused. "If so, they were struck from the record. He was only an orphan."

“I don’t follow your logic.”

“He has no tolerance for what he perceives as a lack of professionalism." Klebb said with a slight scoff. "He has always been this way, even as a boy. Forward-minded. The whims of a progressive activist serve no purpose in his line of work.” Klebb paused. “That is our issue, Doctor. If he is willing to be so open with you, what else is he willing to give up?”

Madeleine was staring at the binder full of Guerra's documents. “If you cannot provide anything more substantial than allegations, I'm afraid I cannot help you.”

Klebb’s eyes narrowed. "Are you suggesting I am mistaken?"

“You are asking me to profile a man I knew for all of one week. You asked for my opinion. I don’t see the correlation you’re making.” Klebb’s scowl deepened. Madeleine said, "I’d like to prepare for my next client."

Klebb left without a word.

Kęstutis came down for a visit. “Ms. Klebb was here to see you.”

“I cannot help her.”

Kęstutis paused. "Is it safe to say, that you would be able to profile Safin accurately if he were in-person?"

Madeleine stared at the stack of papers regarding Guerra’s case. “I imagine so.”

"And you are due to attend the charity event in March?"

"That’s correct."

"Very good," said Kęstutis, smiling the same way Klebb had. "I believe we can negotiate."

⁂

After Silva’s termination, Blofeld enforced a new policy. Every operative and guard at the Palazzo Cadenza must undergo mandatory visits to a specialized clinic, selected by Blofeld. The operative’s families and associates must be vetted, in the interest of preventing another crisis.

As long as he said whatever the therapist was looking to hear, he’d get out in a matter of hours.

The clerk at the front desk—a lithe man in his mid-twenties—was speaking to the client, in this case an elderly woman with dyed hair and too much makeup. "I haven’t seen you before."

"Yes, I’m new to Oslo." He readjusted his glasses. "I take it you’re here for an appointment?"

Ms. Bartlett confirmed this. "Are you English?"

"Originally," said the clerk. "I’m sorry, I’m rather busy."

The plate on his desk read Winston.

Safin gave his name—Zahov—and appointment—issues relating to peripheral neuropathy.

"Dr Swann is running behind schedule," the clerk said. "She’ll be with you in a few minutes."

Dr Swann.

Safin nodded curtly. The waiting room, sterile, uninteresting. Guerra, who had been coming here for weeks, was sitting opposite the window into the office. The blinds were drawn. Hinx stood by the door.

He caught Safin’s eye and nodded. Just a pair of white-collar businessmen. “Cancelled. Now I’m stuck sitting on my ass waiting for a new therapist.” He scoffed. "No hard feelings about the assignment, eh?"

Safin said nothing. His mind was consumed by the scope of his approach. The usual story wouldn’t work as easily with a familiar party. Swann’s veritable grudge against him and his family. Whatever she had been told might not be true.

Guerra made some blasé remark about urine sample and/or collection. Company perks. Perhaps if he didn’t fuck, Safin said, he would not be in this situation.

The corner of Hinx’s mouth turned up.

Guerra’s scoff was mirthless. “Now you can talk.”

“I have no choice but to listen.”

“Mr. Zahov?”

Safin stood up, tense. Walked into the office. Dr Swann glanced up over her desk. Indifferent to him. "Have a seat and we’ll begin."

No sign of familiarity. Dr Swann levelled with him. He did not break eye contact or hesitate to answer anything. Walking through general questions. "What is your relationship to your parents?"

"My father was an officer. I have two brothers and a sister. We are not close."

"You grew up in Russia?"

"Moscow."

"And you attended military school from 1993 to ‘96."

"Transferred."

Dr Swann paused. "There is a discrepancy, between what you have told me and what I have here." Safin glanced up sharply. "Psychological evaluation in ‘92, followed by hospitalization. Three weeks. Then, military school."

Safin told her a story of a kid who coerced him to steal eggs from the industrial refrigerator. It fell onto him and killed him. He’d only heard about it secondhand, from the older kids. But Dr Swann listened attentively. "These kinds of situations aren’t always so cut and dry. There are a lot of factors, in your life and I’m willing to guess, in this boy’s situation as well."

His tone lowered. "Your life is different from mine."

"In what way?"

He looked at her outfit. The well-tailored suit and dress. Shoes to match. "You understand the theory. You see patients on the other side of a desk. You go home. You do not live as they do."

"It’s common for children who have gone through to place the blame on themselves."

Safin scowled at her. "It’s fear of harm that keeps men in line." He glanced at the bowl of pink candies. "Upset a power structure, you create a vacuum. Many smaller operations fighting for control. There are no scruples. They impose their will upon the same people who were promised civility under the original hierarchy. Someone must keep the peace."

“Is that how you view yourself? As a lesser evil?”

"Where they cannot act, I have no qualms." He sat back in the chair. "My options are… limited, with respect to my condition."

"Does it concern you, that you might die with your work unfinished?"

He frowned slightly. "I will die at the whims of my failing body." At the hands of an enemy operative; whichever comes first. "I’ve made peace with it."

"And what if you were to become so sick, you couldn’t continue?"

He looked her directly in the eyes. "That’s inevitable for every one of us, Dr Swann." A small smile she did not return. He let the silence hold, studying her past the point of normalcy. She did not break it, nor acknowledge his attention.

The meeting concluded. “Will that be all?”

“Yes, I think so.” She paused. “You’re only scheduled here for one meeting.”

“You seem preoccupied,” he said.

“I’ve had a busy morning.”

He stood as though to leave.

Noting the weariness in her posture, spine a little too stiff. Beneath the immutable shell, what else was there?

“Are you all right, Madeleine?”

She stiffened. The erosion of that formal barrier into a tacit acknowledgement. Better to give one’s enemy an out than close every door. “I’m fine, thank you.” She met his gaze. The color of her irises, closer to grey than blue. This would not be the last time they spoke.

Clearance took anywhere from a couple weeks to a month, irrespective of orders. Blofeld preferred to keep each operative in the dark, working as usual. This way the verdict was a surprise.

Without new orders from Blofeld, he had to lie low. This was not strictly unusual. Mr. White told him to keep an eye on his daughter, and this did not necessitate making his presence known to the outside world.

Hinx confirmed a few key points: Madeleine did see her father in November, according to the staff at the restaurant in Raddison Blu. She frequented the gun range twice a week. She would go out with a handful of colleagues from the clinic, but never took anyone home.

The bug in her apartment, planted by the housekeeping, depicted another side to Dr Swann. Still going through the motions. Alone, with a glass of white wine. She drank more often when she was alone, but never to excess. The door would close after the sound of the pneumatic hiss. Anything to fill the empty space.

Her instinctual fight-or-flight response rewritten into a constant, soothing panic.

Conrad was Dr Swann’s longest-running foray. He’d talked her into Kavakava to learn Argentine tango. Despite the pretense of familiarity, Madeleine was never seen with him, or spoke of him outside of work. Safin would be able to get what he was after without any complications. He waited for Conrad to arrive home from work. "Waiting for someone?"

Conrad side-eyed him over his glasses. "Yeah. My girlfriend." Fumbling with a cigarette. Older than he looked, at a glance. "She’s not usually this late."

"How long have you been engaged?"

"A couple weeks." Conrad frowned slightly. "We’re not—sorry, I’ve got to take this."

“Put the phone down. She’s still at the clinic.” Conrad’s hand went still. “You’re just something to occupy her time.”

“What the hell?”

"You’re a sensible man," said Safin, "and I have no qualms with you." Eye-to-eye. “I’m letting you off easily. You are not to contact her again.”

Standing against the wall further back, in a white dress shirt and black dress which hugged her ass but didn’t cling. She looked as if she’d rather be anywhere else, but the trouble wasn’t worth the effort of moving her feet.

Madeleine didn’t strike him as the type to become overtly attached. They understood each other well, in that sense.

They locked eyes across the room. Recognition flashed over her face like a shadow. She inclined her head.

Leading him through the outer ring of dancers. Away from the centre. His only frame of reference was ballroom dancing at Kazan military school. This wasn’t the same. To be led, and follow, in lockstep with the other dancers. No words exchanged.

Under different circumstances, they might have met. A harmless, miserable existence, ignorant of the intimate relationship with one's mortality. He had surrendered his purpose to a singular goal. He felt that same urgency which she so desperately chased after. That tireless imperative for security. To blend into the shape of normalcy, among this crowd. Understood, if only for a few minutes.

⁂

The people working at the clinic, said Madeleine, were especially callous. She never appreciated what she had before, too busy pushing others away. The stamp of nepotism she couldn’t quite shake, no matter how many hours she put in.

Madeleine scoffed. “You insert yourself into my evening and don’t have the decency to explain yourself?”

"I see."

"You don’t seem surprised."

“You’re becoming a better actor than you were in France.” The look in her eyes did nothing to deter him from studying her. 

“How long have you been following me?” There was a lower pitch to her voice. A frenzy beneath the anger. Safin said nothing. “Perhaps I misled you. But you need to let this go.”

Safin looked at her clearly. “This?”

“It is not conducive to my interests, to be seen with someone from work.”

"I’ll walk with you," he said. She looked up. "It was not my intention to disturb you."

At the slightly dilapidated front desk of the hotel, she checked in under an alias. Long corridors in a faux Soviet-style. “There’s a piano bar, here. I haven’t gone there myself. You’d like it.” Up the lift. Following down the hall. Unable to outpace her loneliness. He couldn’t take his attention off her. The artificial smell of her perfume, permeative on his clothes, burned into his senses if he inhaled too deeply. Eating away at his restraint. She stopped at her room, unlocked the door.

“Well, this is it.” Her shoulder pushed the door a little wider. “It’s rather cold,” she said. “I needn’t have asked you to accompany me all this way.”

For each life she cast aside to spare her own, she only injured herself. So he would have a little coffee, for her sake.

This occupation and lifestyle left no time for conventional relationships. A psychological evaluation did not stop him from considering her in ways best left tacit. It was her profession to get into the heads of clients unsure of themselves.

Madeleine’s room was a suite with separate bedrooms. L’Occitane products in the bathroom. With a little scowl, she mentioned how the establishment down the street was rented to a loud party. “It’s usually like this, the later it gets.” She glanced at the window. Expression shifting. “But I don’t mind the noise as much as I used to.” Even with the windows closed, the beat of the synth permeated through the room. The strobe flickered, as did her resolve. “I don’t—usually do this.”

“With one of your clients?”

Madeleine hummed. “There’s a first for everything, isn’t there?” Plush carpet muffled the sound of her approaching footsteps. His window of opportunity or entrapment, shrinking around him. This close, all she had to do was wrap her arms around his neck. A hidden lens in the lamp within a twenty-foot radius. Her eyes, closer to grey than blue, fixed on him. Caught in an epiphany. “Oh, come on,” she muttered, “that was a joke. I would never do something so indecent.”

What had been covert on the dancefloor, in her office, was no longer so. He allowed her to close the distance.

The truth about women, Silva once told him, is that you can do anything to them, except bore them.

A greater purpose and justification leaving no room for error. That was his only peace. Tracking down his father, obtaining the history of his family’s company, there was no end in sight. This woman offered him the simple pleasure of her company.

Drawing her against his chest. Pressing her to the doorframe. Running his hands over her shoulders, arms, small of her back. His mouth found the pulse beneath her jaw.

Unbuttoning her blouse. Her ribs expanding, deflating. Her attention on him unflinching. The crane of her neck an invitation. He laid his fingers along the jumping pulse.

Tugging her underwear aside, pushing into her. She shuddered, draped her arms around his neck. Forehead to the side of his.

Softer, smaller hands over his clothed stomach. Unfastening his belt. Sliding into his pants to wrap around him. He grabbed her wrist and squeezed down to the bone. The flicker in her eyes, adjacent to fear, carried no hopelessness. A recognition, acknowledgement: I’m a monster, just like you.

Mr. White had always been impartial. She’d been taking the same birth control for years. There was no compunction.

Pointing him into her flesh. The riot of illumination limned the room, over her skin. The glint of her sclera, pupils dilated.

He cradled her face in his palm, never closing his eyes. A flush stained her cheeks, down her throat, below. Her nipples scraped against his clothed chest. Her expression recalling that quiet moment in Zürich, cradling the gun.

In his arms, far more intimate. Her soft, panicked breaths against his cheek. She could order him to kill, and he’d only ask for a name.

Leaning against each other, her mouth just under his ear, she said, “You knew I was being followed.” Safin went still. “You took care of it.” He nodded. So slightly it could be dismissed as turning his face into hers. “Thank you,” she breathed.

⁂

A few hours previously, Conrad walked up the street into a nearby cafe. He passed by the row of booths to his left and had a seat in the furthest corner. The man seated across barely looked up from his laptop. “Were you followed?”

“No.” Conrad handed over a glasses case. “Tell your friend to leave me the hell alone.”

Q's typing slowed. He looked up.

“This guy cornered me,” Conrad muttered. “Outside my apartment. Says I’m not to be speaking to her anymore.” He shook his head. “Thought he was one of yours.”

“Well,” said Q in a practiced tone of indifference, “perhaps you should reconsider your approach.”

“She wasn’t that interested in me to begin with,” Conrad said. “Hell if I know what her taste in men is.”

She’s bored, Conrad. You have to be a little more exciting.

Conrad scoffed, made a half-gesture towards his ear. “He’s got a fucking line for everything.”

Q nodded vaguely. His keystrokes paused. “That’s all I need for now.”

Conrad left toward the bathrooms.

Q left to a rented room two blocks from the cafe. In his room, he took his laptop and removed the glasses from the case and plugged it in, silently reviewing the footage. His earpiece crackled:

Safin, wasn’t it?

“Most of the patients in that psychiatric clinic have had ties with QUANTUM in some form or another,” said Q. “He’s an exception.”

Why’s he interested in her?

“Dr Swann’s father is the Pale King.” A beat of silence. “You remember Le Chiffre?”

A derisive exhale. All too clearly.

“Well, seems he and White and Dominic Greene met in the same division of the French Foreign Legion. There’s another man, Shatterhand. I couldn’t find anything definite on him in the archives.”

She’s our link into their new headquarters.

“Perhaps. Still doesn’t explain Safin’s game.”

It's probably just an affair. Let me handle it. Q exhaled. Smoothing this over to M wasn't his idea of time well-spent. Additional stress went to his aching jaw. Come on, I’d get the information within a fraction of the time.

“You’ve got other uses outside of filling paperwork.”

Let me guess, he brought up parliament again, didn’t he?

“Acatama, actually.”

Scoff from the earpiece. That was eight years ago. Look, Conrad obviously can’t sort out his—

“Double-oh seven,” Q said, “I don’t exactly disagree here, but it’s beside the point.”

What’s the worst I’ve done?

Q paused. “In the field?”

I doubt Dr Swann’s only living here for routine psychological evaluations.

“I suppose not,” said Q dryly. “I’m of no use in that regard.”

I’ll ask around. She still works at the clinic?

Q stiffened. “Double-oh seven—”

Now, Q. I’ll be a good boy. I won’t blow up any buildings.

The call ended.

“I don’t get paid enough for this,” Q muttered to no one.

Safin's alias, Zahov, is taken from Avakoum Zahov versus 07, an unofficial(?) Bond novel by Andrei Gulyashki. You can read about its creation in this article.

The line about women and boring them comes from the 2013 film The Counselor, coincidentally spoken by a character played by Javier Bardem.

Still trying to get a hold on 007 & Winston | Q’s characterization. I’ve always liked the idea that 007's one-liners amuse him more than anyone else, but he’s charismatic enough to get away with it. Next chapter will be his "on-screen" debut.

[dalyankiz1981]

Andrew Scott as Max Denbigh “C” in Spectre (2015)

Watched tonight. Courtesy of ‘enabler’ hubby who is more than happy to let me sit and watch content where I can thirst over Andrew. In fact it was his idea to put it on 👏😍 I chose well obviously! 🤣

I mean, the compromise might have been Lea Seydoux… 🤭

[bonhughbon]

Hugh Bonneville as Sir Charles Denbigh || Bank Of Dave (2023)

[fantasticcreationsuit]

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[news-buzz]

The household who refuse to depart dwelling after it changed into roundabout | UK | Information Information Buzz

A pair are refusing to maneuver and promote their household dwelling regardless of it being in the midst of a roundabout. The truth is, the proprietor shared that the tons of of vehicles passing by make him really feel most at dwelling. Clwyd Howatson lives together with his spouse Anwen of their dwelling, which sits within the centre of a roundabout close to Denbigh bypass in Denbighshire,…

[sepdet]

Top, Lantern Night in front of Pembroke Arch, not sure if top left is Parade Night or Lantern Night (probably the latter), May Day on Denbigh Green, final exams in the Great Hall/Cloisters back when it was the library, ? looks almost like they're launching paper hot air balloons down on the athletic fields for commencement: any @brynmawr grads know what that's about?

Bryn Mawr College Calendar 1909 Jessie Willcox Smith

[hazel-of-sodor]

And who is this?

Shes the Ivatt 1mt, The Tank engine version was a real proposed design in the 40s. The tender version was my creation.

[bryn1000]

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[denimbex1986]

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