#demeter hades 2

[toxictoad]

HADES 2 GODS RANKED BY HOW MUCH I WANT TO KISS THEM

(and also gameplay)

DISCLAIMER: I don’t think any of the gods are bad. I’m ranking them in comparison to each other. Even the worst boon in the game is still good, and obviously all the art is great.

Also I'm writing this in EA patch 4.

Aphrodite–

I mean she’s obviously hot– she’s THE goddess of beauty, but Hades 2 is an absolute improvement. This isn’t just Aphrodite, this is Aphrodite Areia. Kick ass, honey I love you so much. You don’t need clothes to fight a war. She’s so salty I want her to step on me.

Her boons are pretty good. Decent damage and her duo boons are nice. Heartthrobs are BROKEN and I do builds with them as often as I can. Meshes well with other gods. Love Handles is my favorite duo boon in the game.

Please kiss me 9/10 times Gameplay 10/10

Apollo–

He’s a pretty boy, but his prep vibes bring him down a bit. He’s funny though and I love all his interactions with other gods.

Good boons. I don’t usually take his core stuff unless I have the Sister Blades, but having a larger area of damage is nice. I like his sprint boon. Sunny Disposition is great if you’re doing a Heartthrob build. Generally he’s good but there are better core boons.

Please kiss me 5/10 times Gameplay 7/10

Artemis–

Goddess of lesbians. Not wlw but I believe in their beliefs you know. The bear pelt and all the antlers are SERVING. She’s like if one of those hunter dudes on tinder was actually hot. I love her but also I’m a man so I feel like she should be with someone else.

She’s not a core god so her boons are a little hard to judge. Critical damage is always nice, and running into her is always better for a run. All her offerings are good, although Pressure Points is better with the Sister Blades or the Witch’s Staff. I’m just gonna rank her compared to the other ‘lesser’ offerings in the game, not compared to the regular boons because she only appears once per run.

Please kiss me 7/10 times (But like platonically) Gameplay 10/10

Demeter–

Gilf. Don’t @ me you know it’s true. I’m a little disappointed that they made her look younger for Hades 2 but I guess it makes sense lore wise. Old lady in armor is peak art. I love her, I adore her, and her design is magnificent. Mwah.

Her boons are good. Freeze is a great effect especially for getting used to the game. Not as effective with the Umbral Flames or Sister blades, but they’re great with the Moonstone Axe and Witch’s Staff. Rare Crop is only good early and Plentiful Forage is objectively kinda bad but I take it every time.

Please kiss me 8/10 times Gameplay 8/10

Hephaestus–

Spoilers: He’s the hottest male Olympian. I LOVE him. Please hold me in your arms my stupid little bisexual heart needs to be cuddled by a sweaty blacksmith. HOW could Aphrodite cheat on this man? He's perfect. Also legit the funniest god.

His boons are a little hit or miss. When they’re common they aren’t great but they stack pretty well. His magic gain boon is probably the worst out of all of them, but Mint Condition and Uncanny Fortitude are hands down my favorite boons, and like I said: Love Handles is my absolute favorite duo boon.

Please kiss me 10/10 times Gameplay 7/10

Hera–

My QUEEN. I love her. Please leave your husband. I would treat you so much better. She’s elegant, she’s powerful, she’s HERA. Josette Eales voices her and does an IMMACULATE job. I want Hera to call me a good boy please please please.

Her boons are alright. Hitch is a good effect if you can apply it in a large area but it’s not great against Guardians. In the most recent patch they changed her cast and I think it’s a little worse. She has alright duo boons, and Queen’s Ransom is funny and also can be pretty op if you have Hera as some of your main boons.

Please kiss me 10/10 times Gameplay 7/10

Hermes–

ADHD TWINK. He’s my homeboy and I vibe with him hard. Longer hair suits him and I wanna take him on a date to an aquarium. So pretty. I hope he can see his husband Charon again soon.

Speed boons are always cool. Dodge chance is invaluable if you have shit reaction times like I do. Nimble Mind is his only boon I don’t like because it just doesn’t feel very effective. Nimble Limbs is awesome for the Moonstone Axe, and Quick Buck is one of my most chosen boons. Ultimately good but his boons can feel a little ineffective when they’re common.

Please kiss me 7/10 times Gameplay 9/10

Hestia–

Not a gilf but I do love her. She’s sassy and ruthless and I love her design so much. I want to sit in the thicc auntie’s lap please. Super hot punk old lady.

Scorch is a great effect. Her attack and special boons are awesone and her cast is good. Getting Flame Strike, Ice Flourish from Demeter, and then their Freezer Burn duo boon is how I beat Chronos the first time. The rest of her duos are fine but not amazing.

Please kiss me 8/10 times Gameplay 9/10

Poseidon–

He’s definitely hotter than in the first game, just not my type. He’s very funny in an annoying kind of way (Side note: I REALLY want him and Odysseus to learn about each other. Their beef would be SO funny)

His core boons feel less powerful than in the first game. Double Up and Hydraulic Might are the only boons of his I take consistently. Damage isn’t terrible but not the best. His duo boons are generally pretty good though. Island Getaway is nice when you can get it.

Please kiss me 3/10 times Gameplay 5/10

Selene–

Ethereal moon mommy. I love her. Would probably be terrifying to approach in any capacity but she’s just SO pretty.

It’s a little weird to rank her since hexes are the replacement for Olympian aid in the first game, but generally they’re all pretty good. Wolf Howl is my favorite. I never take Twilight Curse or Dark Side, but that might just be because I don’t understand them.

Please kiss me 8/10 times Gameplay 7/10

Zeus–

No.

His boons also seem a little weaker than the first game, but chain lightning is a fun effect when you get it pumped up a bit. Blitz is a kinda weak effect but if you can get Toasting Fork on them they’re good. His legendary boon and duo boons are both a little meh.

Please kiss me -100/10 times. Leave me alone. Gameplay 4/10

This was fun. I'm probably gonna do this again with other characters lol.

[aquilaofarkham]

all the new god portraits (so far) in hades 2 !!!

[ryuuna]

maybe should’ve told her about her missing grandchild earlier whoops

[chthonic-kids]

grandma demeter is ready for war

[artcrystals]

DON'T FUCK WITH GAM GAM, SHE HAS BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH

[thecrazygamingzombie]

lots of familiar faces popping up in the new conflict with some hot new drip

but they all pale in comparison to one returning cast member.

THE MAN

THE MYTH

THE PUNCHING BAG

SKELLY!!!!

[not-so-blue]

OLYMPIAN GODS in HADES II

In the name of Hades! Olympus, I accept this message!

[tatsumiboobs69]

Hi. I’ve been really into hades lately

[thecabaggewoman]

Every gods in Hades I vs Hades II

[staronastaff]

Supergiant's Hades II Goddess Superiority

[a-lilac-lyric]

[spineless-lobster]

I made some hades text post things because making them is sooooooooooo fun

[loading-excuses]

ok i really love how a lot of the character redesigns in hades 2 are clearly a direct nod to what the gods are experiencing with the war against the titans in the game

like demeter is in full battle armor, her daughter is unreachable in the underworld and she is not messing around. she is ready for battle.

aphrodite wears war paint/makeup that directly mimics that of ares’s war paint/makeup in the first game.

the one i find the most interesting though is chaos. their redesign has them looking much more human. which some may think is odd considering they are essentially an extra planar being of creation. but i think it makes perfect sense. nyx who is their child, is one of the deities who is unreachable in the underworld. and as we know from the events of the first game, there’s a whole quest on the fated list that involves fixing the relationship between nyx and chaos. the fact that nyx is unreachable is most likely taking a toll on chaos, which in turn is making them feel more “human”/mortal thus causing them to present to appear more human. it makes sense if you think about it

i could go on and on about the new character designs and how they’re indicative to the war with the titians but these are the ones that have stuck out the most to me

edit; i am choosing to ignore the fact that chaos’s new design does look a lot like meg bc if it does mean anything i want to see it play out in the game without trying to theorize about it too much

[nerime]

girl help, they milf-fied the gilf 😔

[chthonic-kids]

You look just like your mother. I'll not lose her again.

[tremendouskoalachild]

oh i feel like hades 2 is gonna be a gift for people who wanna fuck old women