#delete before anybody sees who am i kidding nobody reads this shit

[skin-slave]

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[karliesbuzzcut]

(100) Million Dollar Lawsuit

Intro | part1 | part2 | part3 | part4

We are on the last chapter (for now) and this the most chaotic one. Mainly because it doesn’t follow any kind of chronological order (or logical sense), it’s just Russ going in circles for literal years.

But I’ll try my best to condense it for you, so all you need to do is to keep your seat belt fastened until the aircraft stops completely.

Right after the failed Ari lawsuit, Russ goes back to his one and only love: Taylor Swift 💫 And he has learned a lesson — not a good lesson, mind you, but a lesson: small claims courts won’t take him anywhere. If he really wants to punish women for not complimenting his suit, he will have to file a multi-million dollar federal lawsuit.

But, since denying sex from The Russell isn’t illegal (yet), he had to come at it from a different angle. I’m going to give Russ a chance to explain himself first.

Before you ask: yes, the following was Russell’s response to a woman thanking Taylor for visiting an 8 year-old girl who was very badly burned in an accident.

As I’ve always said, it’s okay if you aren’t fluent in Bullshit. That’s what I’m here for.

You see, Russell views human interactions as a series of transactions: I make a tweet worth liking, you go on a date with me; I take you to Olive Garden, you give me a handie for free; I put on a suit, you hug me and smile; I write you a song and sue you, you produce said song. Whenever women don’t fulfil their side of the deal, he becomes enraged.

But the reason he has such a strong hate-boner for Tay, is because she seemed to also follow his same ‘moral code’. A kid makes a cute video, she visits them at the hospital. A fan writes her a letter inviting her to their wedding, she goes to the wedding. A couple of kids fold 1989 paper cranes for Andrea, Taylor invites them to one of her concerts.

Russ thought “this is a done deal”. He didn’t write that song for Taylor because he particular liked her; he just thought she’d be the most likely artist to produce it — or at least acknowledge his existence.

I mentioned before that Russ wrote a whole-ass book about this. And I think it’s as good a time as any to talk about it. For a short amount of time, Russell chilled out about the ✨100 million dollar lawsuit ✨ but my guess is that he thought his book would get him the same results as a lawsuit? To be fair, the book is fantastic. 5/5, would recommend. 

He details the harassment he went through after suing Taylor Swift (the first time). Apparently old ladies at coffee shops would scream at him because he dared to sue Our Queen. A Mexican even pointed a gun at him (it wasn’t me, guys! Just a fellow countryman ❤️) and ordered Russ to drop the lawsuit. Computers at his job caught on literal fire because he was sent very powerful viruses. His friend Ken — who definitely exists! — was hit with a Molotov cocktail. Yep. 2016 was definitely the year people were willing to murder for Taylor Swift.

There’s also this brilliant dream sequence that involves an owl with the voice of Morgan Freeman, and Taylor’s agents guarding a tower in which she’s being held captive. 

ALSO ALSO: an entire chapter is called “SHE CHOSE HIM OVER ME”. Taylor Swift chose Joe Alwyn — a man she actually knows — over a man she’s not even aware exists. Women, amiright?

I think Russell would enjoy the Kaylor community to a certain extent. Not the lesbian part, obviously: he doesn’t trust women who don’t want to touch his peen. I just mean the baseless hatred of Joe. Look, I made a little collage of his rants ❤️ tell me if any of this sounds familiar!

You know — I’ve been joking around a lot about Russell just wanting to do the nasty with Taylor. But you know me, I like joking around. In reality Russ only wants what is fair. He wants to put a stop to all these senseless acts of kindness perpetrated by Taylor ‘The Generous’ Swift.

This isn’t about him at all, actually. Shame on you for thinking there’s an ounce of greed in that selfless little body of his. HE’S DOING THIS TO PROTECT THE KIDS WITH CANCER!

There are no ulterior motives here! This isn’t about a date!

THIS IS NOT ABOUT A DATE AT ALL GUYS STOP SAYING THAT.

I think this is my favourite post of his, because– grammatically speaking –he doesn’t specify which of them is wearing the red dress. And that sends me every goddamn time.

Anyway. The book, as magnificent as it was, got him absolutely nowhere. I know, I can’t believe it either. So he went back to focus on his lawsuit. But apparently not enough, because he didn’t serve her properly..? Now, don’t expect me to understand this, because I am very stupid (so it’s quite a good thing that I haven’t sued anybody for millions of dollars) but something about him sending the lawsuit to her old legal team..? And then trying to force UPS to serve her? I think he even said he was going to serve her in the middle of one of her concerts... but I’m guessing that didn’t go as planned 🤷‍♀️ oops.

Of course, Russie wouldn’t allow such an anticlimactic ending. Can you guess what he did? Please tell me that you can guess what he did. HE MADE ANOTHER SONG 😭❤️

This one is called ‘I Don’t Get You, Taylor Swift’. Another masterpiece that we definitely didn’t deserve 🙌

This was around April, 2019. By then I was being lured away by Kaylors, so I broke it off with Russ. I know that he filed a 3rd lawsuit against Taylor last year, which is just like the second one but hopefully this time he’ll be able to serve. And listen— I know that sounds like an awful thing to wish on Taylor, but I’d rather have Russell occupied suing a rich woman (who isn’t even going to deal with him), than a poor sex worker in Nevada. I bet TayTay would prefer that too.

Well guys, I’ve mentioned this a few times already, but I really had to be selective with the amount of information I was going to throw at you. I’ve avoided some of the shittier stuff he said or did, because I wanted to keep these posts as lighthearted as possible. I also didn’t touch on many things because they would just derail us. Like for example: one of the few lawsuits he has filed against someone who isn’t a woman, was against the state of Utah. I know, right? He’s trying to singlehandedly legalise prostitution in Utah, and even wrote a book (more like a pamphlet) brilliantly titled ‘Why I'm Making It Legal for Your 18 Year Old Daughter to Get In Bed with a Complete Stranger for Only 500 Bucks: A Short Essay from a Pro Se Litigant who is Challenging the Utah Brothel Bans���.

I copy-pasted that title guys, I swear to god.

The book is very graphic. This one I certainly do not recommend as I still suffer nightmares because of it.

Soren is a character who also had to be cut out — which is a shame because he really tried to be a good christian and help Russell. Not as in “I support you, Russell” but as in “why don’t you take a nap, Russell”. Turns out, even cinnamon rolls have a limit. Russ, of course, blames Taylor Swift for the fact that he’s losing his friends. I’m not joking — it’s an article in his lawsuit:

Greer has lost family relationships, friend connections and business connections because of the trauma of Taylor Swift. His family tells him to "get over it," resulting in shouting matches and strained relationships. Greer's friends get annoyed by his focusing on the trauma of it, when nobody knows the pain of getting rejected by a public figure — twice — and the fallout that has resulted from it.

Russell embodies that comic/meme of the little guy who puts a stick in his bicycle’s wheels and then blames Taylor Swift when he inevitably falls.

Sooooo...

Maybe someday I’ll write a post about Russ’ latest antics. I know he still posts stupid stuff on Facebook, which he later deletes. He shined especially bright at the peak of the BLM movement. He also plead guilty to electronic communications harassment— did you see that conviction coming? Yes, yes you did 😌

Regarding Taylor, I read that Russ knew someone who knew Todrick Hall — and Russ sent him a song and video for Taylor. All he got back was a Cease and Desist letter. But I’d have to do a bit of digging to get the details. I was already so overwhelmed with organising the information I was previously aware of, that I decided to leave the newer stuff for another time. You know, once I’ve had some time to inform myself... as well as a really long shower.

Since I left so much shit out, I’ll be taking questions if you have any. And if you can muster the courage to ask them. I’m weirdly proud of being some kind of Russell encyclopaedia. I might not have much going for me...

There’s no ‘but’ — that was the complete statement.

Before I go, I wanted to add this screenshot. I absolutely love it because it summarises ✨The Russell Experience✨. Russ wants Taylor to know pain, poverty and punishment. But when asked “why?” his answer is just “oh, I was ignored lol”

*none of the screenshots are mine

[ottorocket808]

Chapter Three: Holly, Jolly

Barb should’ve left Nancy’s ass. Off top what the hell happened?! Her nose is bleeding she just coughed up some weird liquid there’s slime everywhere but I am surprised she didn’t try to wipe off her glasses most people who wear glasses can’t see for shit without them pair that with the fact that The Upside Down is so dark you’d think she’d try to wipe off her glasses so she could at least kinda see. Screaming when you don’t know where you are is always a bad idea I’m pretty sure if she had just quickly and quietly climbed out and found somewhere to hide she’d be fine but she didn’t. Damn, Nancy lost her virginity and her ‘best friend’ was killed at the same time.

I wonder if Nancy thinks her mom forgot that she left in a sweater with her coat when she came back in a sweatshirt it was cold enough that she needed the sweatshirt but where’s your coat Nancy?

Joyce really does look a lil off sitting on Wills bed surrounded by lamps like I as the damn near omniscient viewer knows why but nobody else does. If Jonathan was around when the weird things happen he’d believe her. *cough* you know instead of stalking the popular kids. *cough*

Lucas made me want a wrist rocket but his plan has one major flaw the Demogorgon doesn’t have eyes for him to blind I wonder if it uses echolocation to see. My baby Dustin coming in clutch with the snacks which in all honesty is a great idea think about it let’s say Will was lost in the woods they have something to give him immediately in terms of food although he’d probably want water more at this point it’s been at least 3 days since he had a drink. Who puts a watch on someone without fastening it? Did he just teach El how to tell time? At least on a digital watch.

Is a trapper keeper a brand of binder or just what they used to call them?

Nancy, Barb is dead in the upside down she ain���t coming to school today, but quick question is Nancy Barbs only friend? Because ol girl saying she should know says to me that she’s the only one she hangs out with.

I’m surprised the MP actually tried to be helpful instead of stonewalling like I’m fairly certain that he was supposed to do.

Casual flex with the powers again I dig it and Mike should’ve known better 8 hours in the basement with nothing to do not happening at least she didn’t leave. She is adorable miming the dial tone. I wonder how long somebody would have to be in one of those tanks before they could crush a can with their mind.

Ah! Theres the dog but this is how you let people think that you agree with their terms while completing your own mission Joyce ain’t playin with these lights her baby is talking to her using them uh oh we need more wait is that Christmas music they normally hold off until after thanksgiving to start playing that and 17 boxes of lights and a cordless phone later this woman is serious.

They didn’t even use a night that it rained I know they weren’t gonna show the actual night but at least pick a tape that’s less suspicious. So I have the subtitles on and they keep saying low growling when the gate is shown so I wonder if that’s the Mindflayer in the background also their winch is too slow to be helpful.

I wonder if the DVDs have the deleted scenes I heard about one in particular from El being in Nancy’s room looking around she read her diary and apparently Nancy loves Steve but uh I doubt that she does she just thinks she does.

I wonder if El knows Barb is in the Upside Down.

Steve’s ‘friends’ are assholes.

But Lucas is gonna be acting the same way Mike does about El when a girl pays him an ounce of attention.

People really should watch what they say around their kids sidenote I can’t wait for this kid to go away every time him and his lackey pop up. Mike could’ve bit through his tongue because of what that asshat did.

Did Jonathan think he was the only one who was allowed to use the room because if it’s open to everybody without scheduled time slots him developing his creepy pictures in the darkroom where anybody could see was stupid.

It don’t seem like Karen and Joyce hang out I wonder if either of them actually has friends.

So it seems like Hop is a thot.

The lights are a great alarm system but it’s an awful place for a little kid to be with the Demogorgon climbing through walls and whatnot.

This is probably the most obvious way to say ‘I have no idea where your daughter is and I haven’t seen her since yesterday’

Nah Jonathan you started the night by looking for him you ended it being creepy as all hell don’t blame that on Wills disappearance. Bonus if you don’t destroy the negatives he still has access to the creepy pictures.

Why is she pretty much freaking out while waiting by the power lines? Was he about to zap her with a cattle prod for not wanting to go to solitary confinement because she didn’t want to kill a cat? Whatever you get after for even thinking about attacking a child you deserve. His relationship with her is manipulative and feels... fucked up is the only phrasing I can think of that emphatically says what I feel and stop caressing her head like that it’s creepy.

Tommy H and Carol still suck but they suck while TRYING to sound cool.

Quick question how the hell does El know what it’s like to be picked on? Were some of the soldiers making fun of her or something? Or maybe she understands him being embarrassed.

I do wonder what brought the Demogorgon out in broad daylight because Nancy ain’t bleeding there was no reason for it to be out.

I wonder what Will thought when he went to the Upside Down version of his house and saw the lights everywhere.

Tryna convince someone to see something that they don’t wanna see is an uphill battle Hop not everybody is meant to see conspiracies even if they are obvious. I wonder if that bracelet he’s wearing is one his daughter made for him.

It’s kinda funny that they didn’t notice that El shouldn’t know where Wills house is. if they gave her some time she might’ve been able to get him out but noooo. Because right after they leave he tells Joyce the same the thing El told the boys he’s right here.

If I was El I’d be confused because she knows where he is she can see him but now here’s this body.

[rhoewrites]

a thought everyday since you left.

legends:  DAY N - grieving/moving on DAY N - getting better/trying to be better DAY N - moved on and/or healing

DAY 1

You told me you’ll never be like them, but you turned out to be just like everybody else. 

DAY 2

Did you let me go because you didn’t love me enough to stay?

DAY 3

I’d give anything to have you back and for you to love me like how you used to.

DAY 4

Are you coming back? Do I wait for you?

DAY 5

Too many thoughts and questions that I can’t put into words.

DAY 6

Do you cry yourself to sleep too?

DAY 7

I loved every single inch of your body and soul yet you still left.

DAY 8

Barely holding on to life because the one thing I’m looking forward to left.

DAY 9

What do I have to do to be enough for you?

 DAY 10

Realized that the next time I see you, you aren’t mine anymore. 

DAY 11

Why do you act like you still care about me in that way when you’re the one who left? 

DAY 12

You told me you’ll always pick me, every hour, every minute, and every second of every day, I was never informed it had a deadline.

DAY 13

I’ll miss the feeling of your lips in mine, with nothing in mind but love.

DAY 14

I miss you.

DAY 15

Your world only lost its colors, mine lost everything.

DAY 16

I hope you’re doing fine, but I also hope you’re as miserable as me.

 DAY 17

I wonder if you still love me. Maybe not. 

DAY 18

I’m tired of being sad but what can I do about it?

DAY 19

Sulking and sulking, while you’re getting better. Sucks to be me.

DAY 20

Everything hurts at this point and I really can’t do anything about it.

DAY 21

Please come back, I can’t take this anymore. Love me again, just like before.

DAY 23

I need distractions, I need you out of my head.

DAY 24

I keep dreaming of you and it sucks. You already left, can you leave my head and heart too?

DAY 25

I wrote a song about you, a song you’ll never hear, of course.

DAY 26

Am I even making progress?

DAY 27

I miss the way you look at me, full of love, full of admiration, will you ever look at me the same way?

DAY 28

I love you more than anything, that will never change.

DAY 29

I miss your random I love you’s, I really took them for granted, huh?

DAY 30

I need to be better, I need to move on too, like you already did.

DAY 31

I made a move, I gave myself the biggest distraction I could give myself, I hope it works out.

DAY 32

It’s been a month, huh? I wonder if you already moved on.

DAY 33

I don’t honestly if I’ll be able to move on, maybe soon enough, I will, but I think my love will continue even without you here now

DAY 34

You told me things you hate about me, you said you hate me. Even if you said it’s just the slightest, it really hurt me.

DAY 35

You’re really good at hurting me, maybe you can add it as a professional skill of yours.

DAY 36

I wish I could turn back time and make myself less of a bother back then, or maybe turn back to the time of not meeting you at all. 

DAY 37

It hurts so much, listening to Harry Styles reminds me of you and I hate it. You made the most beautiful of songs sound painful.

DAY 38

I hope you’re finally happy.

DAY 39

The moment I think I’m doing okay after some time of sulking you HAVE to show up again and make me lose my progress. AGAIN. Why won’t you let me recover?

DAY 40

You are confusing, do you care or you just don’t want to see me happy?

DAY 41

I hate that I can hate you in the morning but still love you wholeheartedly at the end of the day.

DAY 42

You’re just a friend now. You’re just a friend now. You’re just a friend now. Repeat until true.

DAY 43

We could’ve been 8 months now, but we didn’t make it.

DAY 44

I hope I can just quickly forget you like how fast you dropped me.

DAY 45

I hate that I’m still not over you, and you’re even pushing me to others now just clearly shows you’re over me.

DAY 46

I wonder how you’re doing, your mind, your heart, your emotions, are they okay?  Are you okay?

DAY 47

It’s been so hard today. When will this pain stop?

DAY 48

Every day’s the same. It’s so tiring, I don’t want to feel like this anymore.

DAY 49

Heard you’re already talking and getting attached to someone new, fuck you and fuck her. It’s so unfair.

DAY 50

I blocked you, please let me heal. Enough with the pain, I have to heal, I have to grow, I have to be okay. For my sake.

DAY 51

I’m trying to be better, trying to be more involved in creating stuff or writing, this works.

DAY 52

I was doing fine in the morning but it really hits hard at 4 am, I miss you, so bad. If only you knew.

DAY 53

Feeling a little better today, but I can’t deny that I miss you, and I know you don’t and it sucks.

DAY 54

You went private. I can’t stalk you anymore, maybe it really begins now.

DAY 55

I’m the biggest clown I know, I can’t believe I still love you after all.

DAY 56

Did you forget that I was even alive? Did you forget, everything we’ve ever had? Did you forget about me?

DAY 57

Sometimes I’m feeling better, sometimes I don’t, but it’s okay. It’s a progress, my progress. I’ll be fine too, one day.

DAY 58

I deleted most of our pictures on IG, you know how hard it is for a memory hoarder like me but I need to stop romanticizing the pain, I need to let you go.

DAY 59

I burned the roses, along with some of the love I still have with you. You already let me go, and I should too.

DAY 60

I tried to look back on our chats post break up, we did talk a lot, maybe that’s why it’s hard now, it’s just about to sink in real deep.

DAY 61

I feel a little bit better today, I hope it continues.

DAY 62

There are really some days that I just break down, this is one of those days.

DAY 63

I don’t feel the need of stalking you and her anymore, and honestly it feels great.

DAY 64

There are sad moments, but it doesn’t take a whole day for me now, and I think that’s progress.

DAY 65

I’ve deleted the videos on YouTube, it was a lot. I left 6 of them, for the sake of memories. For the sake of remembering the good times when I finally heal.

DAY 66

I keep burning pictures when I’m reminded of you, and let me tell you, shits therapeutic.

DAY 67

I’m proud to say that I’m doing better, I’m happy I’m learning to let go.

DAY 68

I love you and I miss you, but I also do not want you back.

 DAY 69

I’m outgrowing you, and honestly it feels good. I’m not mad at you anymore, you’re just a beautiful part of my history, my memory.

DAY 70

I tried adding and following you again, but it seems like you ignored me, I don’t really mind if you really want me out of your life now.

DAY 71

You appeared in my dreams though, like everything’s back to before, but I also know it will be just a dream.

DAY 72

Thursday, 11 days before I become an adult. It sure feels good to be better every day, without anybody’s help.

DAY 73

Letting go is hard, but once you’ve started it, it just gets better and better from there.

DAY 74

You still pop up in my mind before I drift to sleep and the moment I wake up, but looking back, I don’t feel as heavy as before.

DAY 75

You can really do something if you really set your mind to it, and telling myself to actually let go of you is hard, but it sure feels great.

DAY 76

Realizations hit you hard when you’re no longer in love, all the bad things I’ve done, all the bad things you’ve done, I guess we were really on the same page.

DAY 77

Something is still bothering me, I have to do something, I think that will really help me drop you off and get on with my own life.

DAY 78

I apologized to you, no hidden messages, no reading between the lines. Full transparency. I’ve kept my promise to be honest and true up to that last letter.

DAY 79

So that’s what’s keeping me in the pit, that’s what is pulling me down; my guilt. Now that I have apologized, I feel free. A prisoner in her own cell found the key and freed herself.

DAY 80

From a thought about you every day to listing out my progress, I think that’s growth.

DAY 81

Loving you was amazing, I’d tell you that, but loving me is marvelous.

DAY 82

I’ve never been this happy for a long time. It feels unbelievable. I thought I can never be happy without you but I forgot there’s a lot of people who love me, having myself and them is more than enough.

DAY 83

Less of those down days, I’m completely getting better, and I just love it.

DAY 84

I miss you, but not the person I once loved romantically, but the best friend that I had.

DAY 85

I missed being young, I miss not giving a fuck about anything because I’m just a kid, nobody can ever make me feel that way but One Direction.

DAY 86

I had flashbacks today. Folklore is just THAT album. It reminded me of you, of myself, in so many ways I can’t describe. I think I’m going to have a relapse.

DAY 87

I can’t stop listening to Folklore even if it hurts, but at the same time it’s also nostalgic to listen to. She fully described the emotions and thoughts of the person I was on day one.

DAY 88

You cross my mind sometimes, but it doesn’t hurt anymore.

DAY 89

Friendship breakups are hard, but if I got over you for leaving me, I’ll move on for losing my best friend too.

DAY 90

It feels surreal sometimes that I went through a lot for the past 90 days, but I’m really glad that I did. It just proves nothing really lasts forever, even your pain and sufferings.

DAY 91

I miss my old enthusiastic self, but I’ll get her back. I’ll find her again.

DAY 92

Did a list of to dos and don’ts, I’ll live up to it.

DAY 93

I’m loving myself, a little by little, every day.

DAY 94

Just realizing the things I wish I realized sooner, and maybe I could’ve saved both me and you some time.

DAY 95

Surprisingly, I’m content with being alone now.

DAY 96

You are still important to me, I’m not gonna lie, but I don’t love you that way anymore. You’re just a dear friend to me and a beautiful part of my past that I’ll surely never forget. Remembering you doesn’t bring me pain anymore.

DAY 97

Hearing news of you being not who you used to be, changing into a bad version of yourself. I know before I also bad mouthed you publicly, but that was because I was hurt, now that you’re doing it, is it because you’re in pain right now?

DAY 98

I can get mad at you for acting the way you are right now but I can never hate you. 

DAY 99

I’d fall in love over and over again to the version of you that I first met, but you’re a completely different person now, that’s not you anymore. I don’t love you anymore.

DAY 100

Hey, I made it. Just months ago I thought I wouldn’t but here I am, standing strong today.

DAY 101

I can’t deal with the news I keep hearing about you, I really want to help you but I can’t do that now, since I’m not a part of your life anymore. I’ll leave the job to experience, I guess.

DAY 102

I’m going to finally cut you off too, I hope you’ll realize things and grow out of your bad habits like I did. If this life would be kind and reconnect us some time in the future, that would be great, too. I hope you really find that inner peace now.

DAY 103

I blocked you everywhere. I don’t want to associate myself with you anymore, maybe not right now. See you when I see you, I guess.

DAY 104

You cross my mind every once in a while but I think that’s normal, because I once loved you more than anything and anyone else, and I never lied when I said you’ll always have a special place in my heart, and even I say I don’t, a part of me will still care about you. I hope you completely heal soon, I hope we both will.

DAY 105

Thank you for everything, for the smiles, the joyful days, even for the tears and the sorrowful days. Thank you for being a part of my growth. 

I’ve learned that someone could be the whole song for you but you're just a line on a song for them. 

 I’m ending it all here.

[stillwinterair]

As I said in that last post, there was a brief period between the ages of 15-17 where I was... good at being a functioning human being? I was great at being social and making friends and talking and like. I was finally really overcoming a lot of the negative crap that I’d had instilled in me my whole childhood, and I had a large, solid group of friends, and for the first and only time in my life it felt like people actually liked me, I stopped second guessing them and really just doubled down on enjoying them and enjoying myself and enjoying my life

Sophomore year was the most comfortable I’d ever felt in school because I started making a lot of friends there, as well as outside of school, but junior year that all sort of fell apart for reasons I still can’t quite explain? That was when Formspring was really popular and it was when I was really first amassing a lot of Facebook friends so suddenly people just started making up these random rumors about me and sending them to me on Formspring, and in my head I was like, “well, if these rumors exist, I might as well address them and say they’re false,” but I was young and dumb and failed to see that actually responding to them and Putting Them Out There would make MORE people see them. This really started getting bad around spring, and then I deleted my Formspring during the summer but by then the damage was done

So by junior year my in-school friends shrank in number, but the friends I had were at least a lot closer, and then that’s when I really started to lean on my out-of-school friends, who I’d hang out with downtown every weekend, and that was GREAT. Most of high school is a weird depression void from which few memories can escape, but I remember so many of those weekends and so many moments. I remember my digital camera in my back pocket every week, watching the sun set behind the trees from the top of a parking garage, sitting on my ass Thursday night and Friday after school on Facebook frantically messaging everyone to figure out if they could come hang out, watching movies when I had enough money, eating dinner made from snacks at a convenience store when I didn’t, WAY too many of us loitering together in the old Borders, sitting by the fountain when it was warm and sunny, standing by the fire pit next to Copper Canyon Grill when it was cold and dark, huddling and shivering together in the snow, sliding across grates when it rained, finding an abandoned old blue-tiled alley full of shut-down shops (and nicknaming it Diagon Alley), I remember the faces of every single boy and girl I had crushes on but refused to tell because I didn’t want to make our weekly hangouts awkward, I remember pissing off the security guard by the 7-11, I remember us hogging two whole booths in McDonald’s, I remember the friends who were always busy and could only show up once every two months or so but it was always such a treat to see them there because time with them was rare and precious and always, always perfect. I remember laughing and smiling and not going home until 1 in the morning some nights and dreaming about never leaving at all.

But then senior year happened, and that all just... fell apart? I got really sick for so many months that my school basically just said “yeah, don’t come back because you’ve missed too much school to graduate, come back in the fall and graduate a year late,” and then I just got really fucking depressed, and in just the few months I was sick that entire friend group completely fell apart. Nobody went downtown anymore, everybody was busy all the time, no one had time for me. I graduated high school on C’s and D’s and took a year off from doing anything because I felt so empty. I played New Vegas and Skyrim over and over and over again because they were the only things that made me feel like myself.

Ironically, that deep depression was when I discovered some of my favorite things in life. I thought I hated high fantasy, but Skyrim taught me different. I thought I hated reading, but “Finding Fish” by Antwone Fisher fixed that.

There’s a big part of me that’s always wanted to recapture those days before I got sick, but I just can’t figure out how to. I can’t remember how to be social. Some days I can’t even remember how to talk to people, and most days I just stutter and stick my foot in my mouth when I try to. Working a customer service job is killing me because I feel so awkward and flustered every time a customer asks me anything. I never managed to make friends in college because I shut down so easily, and I never went out of my way to talk to anybody because it just scared the shit out of me, because I was so convinced that I was ugly and annoying and just The Fucking Worst.

But I’m also realizing that I don’t need to recapture that? Not 100%, at least. I’d like to be a lot of those things again, I really would. I miss having a group of friends like that, who find adventure in even the smallest things. Hell, I miss having friends at all. But there’s also a lot I hadn’t discovered about myself then that I’m glad I know now. And a lot of things I’m still learning about myself, or still parsing out, and it gives me some sense of freedom.

Obviously a part of me is worried that it’s too late for a lot of things.

But the rest of me is hopeful. Not quite optimistic, because I’m... not. But, at the very least, hopeful. I only really got to be a teenager to the fullest extent for about two years, and I NEVER got the opportunity to really be a kid, so I’m always going to be pining for that.

But... man, I don’t know how to say what I’m trying to say. I just want to be my best me. I want to be a new person, but I also want all the best parts of who I was then. I’ve spent the last six or seven years so desperately wanting to be who I was before, but I’m realizing that maybe it’s okay to be something new and different. Maybe it’s okay to let myself indulge in the things I always felt guilty about feeling. And maybe I can combine all these things with all the best elements of who I was before senior year, and mix them all into something new and exciting that makes me happy and comfortable. I’m a different person now than I was then, and sure, I don’t like who I am now for a plethora of reasons, but that’s not to say I have to go back, nor that I have to stay who I am now

I feel like I’m talking in circles and this is really frustrating. I’m just gonna end it here. The main point I’m trying to reach here is that, I’ve spent a lot of time either not being true to myself, or being prevented from being true to myself, and the brief glimpses of happiness I’ve had have brought me so close, and while I miss those moments, I’m glad I have the memories, and it’s okay to move onto something else, and I’m going to use those thoughts and moments and memories and hopes and dreams to inform who I want to be, and what I want to do, and where I want to go, and it’s not going to be easy--it’ll be really fucking hard, in fact, because god, there’s so much shitty programming and abuse and other crap I’ve got to get past--and I may not ever get there, but. I want to. And that’s what matters, I guess.

I’m going to go play video games now. Sorry if this is a confusing jumble but I’m not totally sure how to translate these very conceptual thoughts into physical words but to be fair you don’t actually have to read any of it

[chickenfetus]

ALL MY EGG (and for the four names: jae, killer kang, minhyuk (whichever one), and santa

deadass i did the 100 questions ask meme for this ask and almost posted it rip

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

theres literally nothing i dont even know what to say ???? 

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

not 2 be delusional but i would give up my world to hug changkyun

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

glaceon is UP THERE idk why honestly but the sinnoh games were my first and i just??? i was really into ice and snow and shit u know so glaceon... thakn u

another pkmn ill always have is lucario ????? its just so cool?????

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

hopefully forgiveness and like???? acknowledging mistakes and learning from those u know jst positive stuff and like?? water. god i love water

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

hm okay i think this one was from last night or the night b4??? and like???? idk???? i dont even know how 2 start tbh?

so im like hanging over at this two kid’s im a kid 2 i think place and idk we just talk and shit??? idk whomst the boys were tho

and then we get to a scene where its like??? at a train station???? and i go to the washroom to shit or smth idk thankfully i didnt shit myself irl

then i have to get onto the train which isnt even a train its like a carousel with seats??? and its like on a train track boys this is 2 much and i forgot to get ready my train card thing so the guy (who i was p sure was evil) waited for me to remove it so i got onto the transportation device lmao

and then once im seated i remember i forgot my jacket so i make like hand movements 2 the creep and hes runnig 2 me with my jakcet but the ride’s way too fast so i yell and say ill come back for it even tho im p sure i wasnt going 2

after that i wke up wild

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?

i dont have a best friend and all of my friends have their own unique qualities if i went into a rant abt them rn this will b so long

😘 talk about your crush or partner

[minhyuk voice] theres none

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

ya bc im petty but it really depends on the person

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

my personality (the good parts)

my values

my taste in friends (my Big Friends are either geminis or scorpios good)

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

the dark and bitch isnt gonna turn off her night light any time soon

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

seeing my favourite happy, listening to the music i like 

💙 what annoys you about some people?

i jjust went into a full out rant abt this on the other reply so ill be quiet now

😤 do you get angry easily?

yeahhhhh 

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

my faves tbh

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

bad people , gone.

everybody only sends love and happy things on anon

i just want everyone 2 b nice & friendly wars of any sort dont exist and no one wants anybody dead

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

if u sent jae’s name earlier id have trouble so im glad

kiss: tihis is so fucking embarrassing wtf minhyku (mx) but only on the cheek basically everywhere except the lips or anyplace weird

befriend: brian :-0

kill: jae goodbye loser

marry: sanha we can yell every time we gotta turn the lights off

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

tokyo bc its NICE

☕️ talk about your ideal day

cant read

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

i suddenly thought of the word ambivore which made me think of the word vore i wanna delete im a both? mayb idk

💧 when was the last time you cried?

nov 3 bc my heart hurts whenever i see ppl being a bad friend

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

oh worm

all alone - day6

with you - astro

dramarama - mx (even though it isnt out yet lmao)

run - bts (the superior bts song)

hellevator - / (i was rly gonna make this mixed languages but rip)

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

to fly bc im basic

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

dont do that

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

nobody in general????????? 

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

intelligence i have 2 live somehow what if my money gets stolen

🙊 what are you ashamed of?

my humor

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

i (barely) know chinese despite having 2 take it all my life legends only

i know english but im bad at that 2 and its my first language once again legends only

i wanna learn japanese and korean 

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

the cow from voltron 

☁️ talk about your dream universe.

weve already discussed this

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

oh w-0rm ok so im a regular anon on this persons blog and i wanted to send an ask but never got arnd doing it so im gonna send her one. soon/

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

let me live my life as a furry and cat

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike

are u ready 4 me to b the meanest person yet bc i sure am lets fucking go

so theres this girl. and i know her (unfortunately) and ive known her since like 4 years ago and back then she was already pretty shit tbh

she cried bc she had to sit in between the “weird” and “dirty” girls in our class and she headass cried in front of them and everyone just bc she didnt like the arrangement?? shes called the “dirty” girl disgusting before and has made fun of her in front of everybody its just bad :-/

now. fast forward 3 years and in addition to still being disrespectful and rude, she now vocalizes her weird fantasies for her “oppas”??? some examples: 

“when i go watch __ perform im gonna climb onto stage and then my mother and my future husband will fight for me” and she calls those kpop idols weird shit and basically sexualizes them/???? she says the weirdest fucking shit on her ig story and tags them??????? 

another thing. she went to korea nd took a picture of a complete stranger and posted it on her public ig and called him her “oppa” and said that they had a “fun day together” despite the guy not knowing her at all???? she posted the pic of him??? i still dont get it tbh 

she wasnt even being ironic at all??? she calls herself & classmates “autistic” whenever she/others do smth dumb or mess up and its just sososososo fucking wrong

being one of the people to see how shes basically grown from bad to worse is something i dont fucking enjoy and i jsut want to leave my class already lmao 

ok but there are times where i do appreciate her because sometimes the class will be rly quiet and the teacher is basically talking 2 themselves but she’ll always respond w/o fail so thats great but its only bc she talks so damn much 

i just got a flashback to when she “jokingly” said she wanted to be a trainee for the rest of her life how do i just. god

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

we’ve once again already discussed this

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

i wanted to be various things honestly?? ranging from an astronaut to a vet to an editor to an animator to other stuff i get influenced pretty easily so if i watch smth and i think its cool ill want 2 be that i guess?? ive been trying 2 get rid of that habit so now i have no clue what i wanna be

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

sweets and chocolate cake

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

drinking water and staying hydrated

making my friends laugh is great 2

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?

acne LMAO 

😪 what are you sick of?

the usual

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

i love scouting on sif and bandori so yeah 

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

lets not 

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?

to a certain extent

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

use my phone???? send nice anons and comment on art/fics 

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

none

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

my tolerance for ppl’s shit is so low

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

my ocs

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

i dont have a dream hence myself

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?

infpt i dont rmb shit but yeah

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

falen i dont rmb what u sent

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?

i dont follow any :-o zendaya has had my heart ever since shake it off tho

🐴 opinion on day6?

ur rly gonna do this 2m e?

all alone just started playng this is terrible lets get it

so day6. a band i only found out about in late june (thank u boxy) and before this i only ever listened to bts and mx bc my friends stan them so i thought i was gonna expect boys dancing, the usual. 

i clicked i smile and i lost my fucking shit as soon as i saw the instruments because prior to day6 i was a big 5sos fan so this was rly resonating to me tbh and i was just !!! so fukcng excited??? i never intended to even get into day6 honestly??? but after witnessing how good they are and watching about all of the available mvs at that point i was completely in awe so i caved a created a stan twitter for them.

now, this isnt even the most of it. after becoming a fan i realized how much more these 5 boys are. they compose (if im not wrong) and brian writes lyrics for the songs each month because of their everyday6 project and again, im wow-ed because??? the amount of dedication???? they went from releasing 2 title tracks in 2 years to releasing 12 title tracks and 12 bside tracks in a single year. they havent released the december song yet but haviing to work on 2 or more songs in 4 weeks is fucking amazing if you ask me. 

theyre really talented and theyre just so versatile (am i using that word correctly) and each month their songs sound different. this project has given them the opportunity to try new things and you can hear the steady improvement in each of their vocals (dowoonie not so much since he barely gets lines, but we all know hes working hard) and if you listen to their debut song - kongchu and compare it to the version they released along with sunrise it just???? the drumming has even changed from the original version nd its so noticeable that whenever i hear kongchu from 2015 i know its the old ver

to add to those, they do vlives every week and although those vlives are always scheduled it still makes my day seeing them and watching them do the usual. 

one thing im upset about is that how they barely promote themselves, they rarely get on variety shows (the most is individual schedules) and we, as mydays never really get to know the boys so its harder to fall for them as a whole. i dont know if its jyp or day6′s decision but if this is how they want to be known for - their music only, then so be it. we still have jae’s presence on youtube, music access and asc. thats the most we can get and it makes it difficult for us to learn about the rest but thats okay.

another thing. their concerts are something i always look forward to (even though my interest has died down a bit;) their concerts are just so fun to listen to?? there’ll always be mydays who stream the concert so everyone else can listen to them play and they sound so good live it drives me crazy. mydays are always so hyped and whenever mydays sing along it just gives me goosebumps??? bc theyre so???? good????? 

tldr; day6 deserve more, following wise and promotions wise because they work so hard and once this project ends i hope they’ll manage to rest but still remain as a presence that will be known instead of returning to jyp’s dungeon.

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?

there are days where i am more emotional than usual 

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

this is tiring

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

i sleep and boy it really helps

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

rest

🌍 which country do you live in?

singapore

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

lame funny swag

🐵 which quotes changed you?

“rocky swag” - park minhyuk, 2017

💭 do you keep a diary?

nope

💫 who inspires you?

brian kang 

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

yes bc i love losing sleep

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

terrible

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

i watched spiderman homecoming and i have no idea why i didnt see the plot twist coming but its GOOD watch it

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?

theres none lads

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?

all my internet buddies but sometimes i dont want to bc im kinda....gross

[backroombuzz]

Young Turks Cenk Uygur Misogynist Past Exposed #MeToo

Young Turks Cenk Uygur Past Sexual Predator Exploits Gets Exposed

While Cenk Uygur Excuses Away His Past Misogyny  On 'Youth" He hasn't Changed One Bit.

Following a report from the Gateway Pundit that exposed Cenk Uygur of The Young Turks’ history of racism, sexism, and pro-rape, misogynist commentary.  BluePillSheep.com went page by page of Cenk Uygur's old website found on the Internet Archive Wayback Machine and discovered despite his excuses he's the same misogynist as he was back then. As usual, when he gets caught blatantly lying, Cenk (Pronounced ASS-HOLE) blames his lies and/or bad behavior on something and/or someone else. If you watched his program for any length of time, it's never Cenks fault for any words that slithered out of his mouth. To excuse away his Neanderthal musings from his site, Cenk being Cenk blamed it all on being young and being a Republican. In an interview with TheWrap Cenk apologized for his website saying he deleted the “ugly” posts a decade ago because “I don’t stand by them.” I Apologize But it's Not My Fault These are articles and essays I have written recently and over the years.  They range from interesting political commentary and observations to wild stuff about my sex life you never wanted to know (except that you did, and that’s why people always read those first).   “The stuff I wrote back then was really insensitive and ignorant,If you read that today, what I wrote 18 years ago, and you’re offended by it, you’re 100 percent right. And anyone who is subjected to that material, I apologize to. And I deeply regret having written that stuff when I was a different guy.” Cenk's little 'I'm so ashamed and humiliated' act is just that, an act. In TheWrap interview, Cenk went on to say “I had not yet matured and I was still a conservative who thought that stuff was politically incorrect and edgy. You got to admire this POS, he does know how to play to his audience.  His "I was immature" and "I was a Republican" addendum, was nothing more than an 'out' for the people that will stand by him, no matter what he wrote. Now, the mindless drones that follow Cenk's disingenuous, habitual lying, fat ass, can rest easy.  The excuses Cenk spewed will allow his followers to not only defend this worthless piece of excrement, but they can also continue to watch his show, guilt-free. While Cenk probably believes "I answered the question, I apologized, so that should put the story to bed" But, the reality is this story has insomnia and it'll take a hell of a lot more than "I was a Republican" to put this baby to bed. Google It For those unfamiliar with Cenk Uygur.  Cenk is a born liar, he's so dishonest he even lies about his hight. The Cenk who wrote those articles in the early 2000's was an egotistical, misogynist, POS. Cenk claims he is 5’11” because like his early 2000's ego, his 2017 ego, is just as strong, so Cenk can't handle the reality of being a midget. The truth is Cenk is no more than 5′ 6″...  any which way you measure him. While Cenk will try to pass off this site as some Republican driven, not yet matured youngster, just having some fun. The reality is something far different. As usual, Cenk only provides you enough, to make his story sound believable, but of course, he would not be Cenk Uygur without leaving out a multitude of facts. Details about Cenk's Website Cenk Uygur had seven years of Ivy League education and a decade before Cenk created his early 2000's racist, sexist, and pro-rape, misogynist "Young Turk" website.  He was writing for the The Daily Pennsylvanian. Here is an example of his work, written in 1991 entitled "Where are the White Christians?"  So Cenk's 'babe in the woods' excuse really doesn't fly too well. in the face of facts. He wasn't so kid. living in his mom's basement. He had been writing for over almost a decade before he wrote one word on his site. The site was to be a companion site for his Sirius Satellite Radio show entitled “The Young Turk.” These excerpts we pasted below were taken directly from the Young Turk Website.  Having spent hours reading Cenk's misogynist garbage,  if I did not know his backstory, I would say the site was owned and operated by a 13-year-old boy, who lies about his sexual conquests. That is if he actually had a sexual conquest. I would have put money down that he was a virgin, who embellished the stories he read in Big Juggs Magazine. Please note: The person writing these excerpts is a 30-year-old, 5' 6", fat, bloated moron.  All links Open a new Window From: The Young Turk Home page Since this site is now an arm of The Young Turk Show on the radio.  It will soon showcase such lovely features as pictures of the young virginal interns who work with us on the show. From "Why are old people such assholes? Hey lady, do you remember when you were 20 and dying to get laid? Do you remember the first time somebody ever ate you out? Maybe not, because it is possible nobody has ever eaten you out (that’s a problem that is not likely to be remedied at this stage). From: Girls You Hate, But Really Want To Do Ally McBeal is on the top of my list. God, I can’t stand her little mannerisms. She is so fucking annoying. If she does that wide-eyed look of shock one more time, I am going to lose my mind and clock her. But before I do all that, I’d like to make love to her. From: The Scary 19% 19% said the Clinton charges were more serious. Most analysts take these figures as a good sign that a large majority of people understand that Watergate was a more serious problem for our democracy. I take it as a sign that 19% of Americans are clinically delusional. That’s problematic. These people are obviously so deeply biased that they can no longer think rationally. I vote Republican a great majority of the time (but then I don’t live in the South or the Midwest, where most of the wacko Christian right Republicans come from), so clearly, I am not part of the vast left-wing conspiracy (the people behind the Vince Fostersuicide/murder cover-up, obviously). From April 26th All he did was bang some chick out. Yeah, he used his position of power – don’t we all, in some way. I tell girls all the time about my cool job at a TV station in hopes that will trick them into sleeping with me. From: Rules For Dating Rule 1: There must be some serious making out by the third date. If I haven't felt your tits by then, things are not about to last much longer. In fact, if you don't get back on track by the fourth date, you're done. Rule 2: There must be orgasm by the fifth date. No, ands, ifs, or buts. If I haven't unloaded by this time, things are intolerably slow. There will be no sixth date to give you a second chance. If you haven't delivered by now, you're done. Rule 3: There must be sex by the second month of dating. If you don't give it up within a normal period of time, you will be eliminated.   If you're excellent in bed, you can extend your stay. From: Case II: Red-Faced Redskins One of my biggest pet peeves in America is over-litigation. In other words, everybody suing the shit out of each other. Lawyers for 34 Indian tribes filed suit on Tuesday against several tobacco companies for deliberately targeting Indian teens.  They want $5 billion dollars C'mon!  These Redskins show up everywhere there's a buck to be made these days (by the way, I actually think Redskin is a rare ethnic term that actually is offensive, I'm only using it now because they've made me angry). From: Case III:  Fieger in Every Pie Then, there's the lawyer I despise most -- Geoffrey Fieger.  He's at it again.   First, he had all those theatrics to get Dr. Kevorkian off eighteen different times.  Which obviously wasn't that bad, since Dr. Death was pretty much right in those cases (until he went overboard and start slashing throats on TV).  But even back then I could tell Fieger was a dick. And now he is representing the family of the black student who was killed at Columbine High.  They are suing the families of the killers for $250 million. Of course, those families don't have that kind of money.  What they're really going after is the government, the school, the police, gun manufacturers, entertainment companies, the media and anybody else that has a lot of money and can be arbitrarily blamed for the murders.  Fieger would sue God if he thought he could get good publicity and money out of it. From: I love Women Now, all this notwithstanding, I still think I am even hornier than that.  Well, horny is not quite the right word for it.  I want every attractive woman I see in the street even after I am sexually spent.  I wonder if it's an ego thing, which is quite likely with me, since I have a sizable ego (if you couldn't tell by the sheer fact that I have this entire website devoted to my ideas and I am a talk show host (when's the last time you heard a humble talk show host, clearly an oxymoron)). From: Random Sex Thoughts I get really turned on by the thought of an older woman and a younger woman hooking up.   The thought of the older woman seducing the young girl is a great thought. I just wish women would realize how cool bisexuality is (for women!) for the sake of us all. Read the full article