#definitely not ketchup

[werepuppy-steve]

eddie rubs his hands together as their waitress, cindy, sets his breakfast sampler and strawberries and cream crepes in front of him. he's already reaching for the ketchup and maple syrup to drown his food in.

steve thinks it's too early for him look that gleeful in the middle of an ihop. it's barely nine in the morning.

"give me a shout if you boys need anything else," cindy says as she sets down steve's smokehouse combo and new york cheesecake pancakes. "i'll be over to top your coffee off in a minute."

"thank you, cindy," they call as she walks away.

steve takes a sip of his coffee and watches eddie pop open the ketchup to smother his eggs and hashbrows with, the tip of his tongue poking out of the corner of his lips.

he resists the urge to lean across the table and kiss him, only because they're in public and steve also doesn't want to risk getting food all over the front of his shirt.

but when eddie squeezes the bottle, it makes a farting noise and all the comes out is a watery splash of red.

"aw no." eddie's face falls into an adorable pout. "not the ketchup pre-cum."

steve sputters and almost sucks his coffee back up his nose. he catches his breath and gives eddie a bewildered stare, but the other boy is focused on smacking the lid of the bottle against his palm.

"i'm sorry—the what?"

eddie finally looks up at him with round eyes, completely clear of any of the confusion that is definitely showing on steve's face currently.

"the ketchup pre-cum," he says, like steve should know what that is. "you know, the watery bits that squirt out if you don't shake the bottle good enough? kind of looks like pre-cu-"

"i know what pre-cum is," steve cuts him off with a sigh, casting glances around to the other tables to see if anyone else overheard him. "but do you have to call ketchup that?"

eddie only snickers at him. when he's satisfied that it's been shaken to his standards, he snaps open the cap and tries again–

–and lets out a high pitched moan when ketchup comes dribbling out of the bottle.

steve chokes on his spit. they're definitely getting stares from other tables now, and he hides his burning face in his hands while eddie just laughs harder, like the teasing little asshole he is.

"jesus christ," steve murmurs under his breath, dragging his fingers down his face. "can't fucking take you anywhere, i swear."

eddie just gives him a little hum and nudges his foot under the table, looking every bit pleased as goddamn punch.

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@tangerinesteve @stevesjockstrap @steddie-island @spectrum-spectre @pearynice

[spidertroupeart]

Heyyyyy, it's meeeeeee

[somegrumpynerd]

Bitty update! Or I guess bitties (bittys?) update since there's apparently two of them now.

I didn't expect to see much of them after that last encounter since they seemed pretty unhappy about me getting too close, but I kept leaving out food and keeping my eyes peeled just in case. A lot of people have been saying to leave jerky but I haven't been able to find any so I've been leaving out bread and ham, is this okay for them?

Anyway, the other day when I was on my lunch break I saw the horror bitty scurrying around again. He saw me and disappeared which I expected, but then he came back and just kinda sat across from me and ate?? I didn't want to say anything in case it spooked him so we just sort of ate lunch together in silence, but I did try and take a sneaky picture

Is this good? Is this normal for bitties? When he was finished eating he just got up and walked off and I didn't see where he went, but I assume he's not super scared of me if he sat and ate so close right?

Also I found this cute little ketchup jar, I've been keeping it in the fridge since it's been warm in work and I thought they'd like a cool treat. Well I found it like this the other day so I guess that's a yes lol

[delicatetigerobject]

haha if you put a child in a toaster you can call that a toaster child

haha... you can... you can call that a. a toaster child.

[dear-ao3]

I felt you needed to see this exchange I had with my sister. From soup can to condiments indeed.

katya and i were just at the grocery store and he pointed to a can of campbells soup and said “look it’s charles”

[imjustavenuxwithaboomerang]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATEO

@cottonheartsxmateo 🎉🎉🎉🎉

[hychlorions]

it's crazy i'm craving meals i used to eat at 3am during lockdown when i was destroying my sleep schedule reading through the entire klapollo tag

[x-macready-red]

this is content right?

[alcairsei]

phaya making innuendos with the food is so fucking ridiculous like ah this man cannot flirt i think. he's an idiot. god bless him

[unma]

Context for last post: the post about not trusting the school lunchboxes made me think about my experience with school food in the past.

In both primary and secondary school sometimes the school would simply serve things I couldn't eat. And it wasn't like I had that much time in the morning to make food—having to wake up at 6am at the latest to get to (secondary) school was a task for a young boy who was rather nocturnal and had a very active mind, so I wasn't going to be waking up any earlier for sure—so I would just. Not eat.

It was Tuesdays and Thursdays or sometimes both that my primary school would serve some variant of spaghetti and beans respectively that I simply could not fucking eat because I just. Couldn't. Not like the food sucked or anything, I just didn't want to eat it, and forcing myself ended badly. So I just didn't eat.

I still remember younger me being particularly proud one day of making it through the entire day without eating a single thing. Which. No???? Don't be proud of that what the fuck?

My secondary school served fried rice with fish on Fridays. I hate most fish, the smell makes me retch, and I only sometimes tolerate Fried Rice. Even if the alternative was good the entire cafeteria stinking of fish was sometimes enough for me to not go near. And sometimes the alternative sucked so I just didn't eat. It didn't help that lunch time was always a couple hours after I'd start to get hungry, so at this point I really just wanted anything to eat. 'Twas torture.

Come to think of it, it really shouldn't have been surprising to me how unnatural my relationship with food is. And it makes a ton of sense why I got into the habit of rooting through the fridge for food all the time.

[silver-rings-and-rabbits]

I’ve always kind of wanted to know what the ‘Used Scrubs’ cocktail is made of…

[anitalianfrie]

Ykw I'm going to say it there isn't a "correct" way to make pasta sauce, you can do vegetarian carbonara and that's not a crime, you can switch things off recipes and still eat it and that's completely fine

[lilackitten]

Attempting to make pirozhki for dinner and deciding now more than ever that i need my own kitchen

[umilily]

behold the squid dog!

[yesnowhatno]

Me when my friends pranked me by putting too much ketchup in my burger while I’m not looking so that when I take a bite it exploded with ketchup and got all over my face and they think it’s really funny but they could’ve stained my white tshirt

[inklingofadream]

Hey...

I haven't like. Been out of state really. Since I got back into using sauces on my fries instead of criminal amounts of salt and pepper.

So for those of you who don't live in Utah,, (or idaho at least near the border, probably other surrounding states but i don't go there) is there fry sauce at restaurants? Like big chain restaurants? Your Arctic Circles, Five Guyses, Dairy Queens? Do they have fry sauce?

Or are they like. Adding that specifically here? Like did they get asked enough times for fry sauce, or at LEAST mayo to make one's own fry sauce, that they just... started carrying it here?