#definitely less stressed out and exhausted than the past week

[alexcutecolly]

thanx for the concern! I’ve been rly exhausted recently but mayb resting in v.olo’s stomach or intestines while he rubs his belly would fix me >w< and he would enjoy that alot too I hope!! I love him a bunch

omg yes! V.olo falling asleep laying on us while we’re in there is so good!! uuu hearing his heart slow down all around us and knowing hes comfy and full!! ❤️

the first time would b a little scary for us and him too but it would be so relaxing after a bit and uuu can you imagine him feeling us slip behind his collarbone the first time ? and then he learns it really helped us relax and not work too much abd hed have more fun with it!! and making friends with his team is rly cute too a cuddle pile would be great and soft! and if he eats us or doesnt hed be so fun to hear talk about his favorite things like ruins n myths!!

omg you drew him as a merman that’s great!! What if he said we got the artefacts together cuz we were with him the whole time? and you’re right he’d be so warm and swaying back n forth when he’s swimming would be nice too!!

uuuuuu yes!! ❤️ and halfsize means he can savor us more and maybe lick his lips and sigh after he gets us all the way down in his human half but we still have a long way to go to get into a comfy spot in his coils where he could lay on us! uuuu omg omg a kiss where were resting in him is making me blush uwu hes so cute!

- v.olo uwu

ps. omg this ended up rly long sry

I'm finally here, I'm so sorry for the wait dear anon! 😓 I hope you're feeling better now! 😟 And oh don't worry about long asks! Write as much as you like! 💕

Mmmmm, V.olo's belly and intestines would definitely be of great help! 🥺 Imagine if they had healing abilities tbh! Like, no matter how exhausted or sick we are, some hours of rest inside of him and we're feeling like brand new! x3 and of course he'd love that! He could let himself relax for a bit and rub our spot, or even fall asleep as he does! 💕 Either option would be so cute hehe, and it'd feel so peaceful to be on the inside while he's slumbering ❤️

Oh yeah the first time ever would definitely be so so terrifying for us!! We wouldn't know if it'd be safe or not to stay inside his stomach, or if we could even be able to breathe at all! I feel like V.olo would feel a little calmer than us though, since he's the one that proposed the idea after all, and maybe he even practiced with some food before! x3

It'd be a whole different experience with a tiny wriggling person though, so he'd be surprised at first to feel us slide down and past his collarbone after swallowing us ❤️ and then we realize no harm is done in his belly and it's actually a soothing event for the both of us, and it turns into a pleasant habit from that moment forward x3

His team would really adore us imo! Like, we could sit down with his T.ogekiss and H.isuian A.rcanine by a bonfire and discuss various topics, like myths and the inscriptions/pictograms found in some ruins as we pet our mons 😭❤️ it'd just be a good time between close friends!

Oh thank you anon! 💕 I'm pretty proud of that drawing, hehe. I think V.olo would definitely say we found the artifacts together, since he's both technically not wrong and also a very endearing guy ❤️ I feel like the inside of his belly would be a little splashy for us because of some water he ingested, but other than that it'd warm us up and we could travel safely with him ❤️ also I think his m.erman scales would be golden imo, cause they'd look really good on him!

Ikr??? Half-size vore is amazing, cause it lets the pred take more of their time with eating and savouring the prey; it's a slower process than g/t vore, but it makes it even more satisfying for the devourer! You're so right btw, I can see n.aga!V.olo sighing and licking his lips once he's finished gulping us down, humming softly as he curls up in his coils and waits until we get to his tail stomach x3 💕 And we deserve a swift kiss when we do, because we've been such a good prey! Hehe, the idea makes me blush too! >w< ❤️

Also dear v.olo uwu anon, what do you think of the new L.egends game that's just been announced? I've never played the X./Y games, but it looks like I'll have to check them out in the future xD how about you?

[andreafmn]

Ours | Derek Hale Oneshot

Word Count: 3.5K Requested by @gracelynn318: "Derek or Stiles finding out that their significant other (the reader) is pregnant and they try to keep it secret for as long as possible" Warnings: pregnancy, pregnancy symptoms (vomiting, nausea, fatigue)

Summary: Derek Hale and (Y/N) have been together for a long time, and they didn't know something was missing from their lives until it arrived unexpectedly. And all they want to do is revel in the moment for as long as they can, by themselves.

A/N: this story follows 0% of canon, just the character's names. will admit. I am a horrible Teen Wolf fan that has yet to see season 5 and 6, and I've also yet to watch the movie. So, definitely an AU 😬also, be on the lookout for tonight or tomorrow for another surprise regarding this request 😉😉

Derek had noticed the change long before (Y/N) had. Long before she knew why she spent her days expelling her meals down the toilet drain, before she understood why her body craved more food than she could keep down, before she had even noticed that a month had passed and her period had not arrived. 

It came late at night. The soft putter of a heartbeat that felt so far that it could have been confused with the sound of rain against the pavement. They had been lying in bed, the exhaustion of living in Beacon Hills the only thing they needed to crash at night. But the sound had been bothering Derek. The continuous rhythm didn’t allow the wolf to lose himself in much-needed slumber. The sound kept him up, especially from where it was coming from. 

“(Y/N),” he whispered, running his hand up and down her arm to wake her. “(Y/N), baby, wake up.” 

“Mm,” she groaned groggily, cuddling to his body tightly. “Go to sleep, Derek.” 

 “(Y/N), I gotta ask you something. Wake up.” 

“We can talk in the morning,” she whined. “I’m tired right now.” 

“It’s important,” he chuckled softly. “I need your complete focus.” 

With a loud exhale, (Y/N) sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. The sheet fell from her torso, and the coldness of the night made her skin erupt in goosebumps. She rarely got angry with Derek, but she was coming quite close at that very moment. “You better have a good reason to wake me, Der,” she said. “I’m so tired I might just put off killing you until tomorrow.” 

“Listen, please,” he said. “When was the last time you got your period?” 

“What?” the girl questioned. “You seriously just woke me up to ask about my cycle?” 

“More or less. Just answer. Did you get it last month?” 

It took her a moment to think. The grogginess of being woken up still clutched her mind, and recounting the past weeks was hard. But her body startled awake as she realized she had not gotten her shark week in a month and a half. That fact alone did not scare her. She had always been irregular, and in moments of stress, it was more likely than not that she skipped a cycle. The problem was that not only had she missed a period, she had been feeling sick for the past three weeks. And the math was not too hard to do. 

“I-I didn’t,” she stammered. “W-why are you asking?”

“Oh my god,” he answered. “Oh my god!” 

“What? What’s wrong?” 

Instead of answering, Derek pressed his ear to her stomach until he could hear the sound clearly. Alongside (Y/N)’s quickening heartbeat, a quieter, steady pattern joined. It was too indistinguishable now. “You’re pregnant,” he said. So quiet he wasn’t sure if he had said it at all. “There’s a baby in there. Our baby.” 

“Pregnant…” (Y/N) could not believe the word even as it rolled out of her tongue. “I can’t believe it.” 

“We’ll go to Deaton tomorrow, but I’m certain. I can hear their heart beating in there.” 

(Y/N)’s mind was reeling. Pregnant, she thought to herself. The word felt foreign. So did her body. Derek had noticed the change before her. How could she not have known that a life was growing inside her? How could she ever be a mother when she did not even know herself?  

Without realizing it, tears fell down her cheeks. She felt weak and panicked. The strong woman that had faced the biggest dangers and far scarier monsters trembled with the thought of a life depending on her for survival. It was one thing to volunteer to protect the members of the pack. They were old enough to fend for themselves. It was another to be responsible for the life and survival of another human. 

“Hey,” Derek called. His voice sounded like it was underwater. So far away that she could barely hear it. “Baby, what’s going on?” 

She hadn’t noticed that she had stood from the bed and was pacing around their room. Her breathing was shallow, and her chest heaved as she took in short breaths, trying to steady herself. Tears kept falling faster than she could wipe them away. They warmed her cheeks before the air turned them cold. It was the only thing that grounded her. 

And Derek. Always Derek. 

He had gotten off the bed, and within a second, he was wrapping his arms around her. The warmth from his skin calmed her. It brought her senses back to the moment, steadying her rampant heart. 

“What’s wrong, (Y/N)?” he spoke into the crook of her neck. “Tell me what I can do to make it better.”  

“I’m scared, Derek,” she sighed, tightening her grip around him. “A baby. Here. Now.”  

“Why not here?” Derek smiled, his hands running through her hair. “Why not now? With you as their mother, that baby could be born underground, and they would be the luckiest child in the world.” 

“How could you be so sure?” (Y/N) cried. “I forget things all the time, I’m clumsy, I can barely redeem myself when it comes to fighting. If it weren’t for my weapons, I wouldn’t bring much to the fight against our enemies. What good would I be to protect a child? How could I be entrusted with their entire upbringing?” 

“Oh, (Y/N). You’re far more valuable than what you bring to a fight.” His hands cradled her face, the green of his eyes boring into hers. “You are the most caring person I know. If it weren’t for you, I would have killed half of the pack by now. You’re smart. You’re funny. And if anyone should be terrified of becoming a parent, it should be me.” 

“Come on,” she scoffed jokingly, her tears finally subsiding. “You’d be an amazing father. Temperamental, but great nonetheless.” 

“Well, I’m glad it at least got you laughing,” he grinned. “How about we just take this one day at a time, baby? Make sure we take things slow. Tell people on our own time. Instead of going to the doctor, we buy a pregnancy test at the pharmacy; confirm what I already know.” 

“But if you can hear the heartbeat, I am sure all the other wolves will, too,” she worried. “How am I supposed to take things as they come when everyone will know the second they come here?” 

“Then, I won’t let anyone back here,” he smiled. “I’ll have them meet me at the warehouse or at Argent’s place. We can say you’re sick with something and won’t be there. Or that you went to visit family out of state –I don’t know. The point is, we can do this, baby. I know we can.” 

“Well, I do admire your tenacity,” she chuckled, kissing his lips softly and hugging him again. “One day at a time, right?” 

“One day at a time.” 

And it worked. For two months, at least. 

That very morning, he went out and returned home with five pregnancy tests and a bouquet of flowers. And five minutes later, they all showed an array of dark pink plus signs and the word Pregnant on them. Just like that, it had been confirmed. A new baby Hale would be coming to Beacon Hills in eight months. 

They were excited. Of course, they were. But they couldn’t help the terror that overtook them as well. Bringing a new life into their world was a scary thought. The fact that anyone with knowledge of their child could use them against them was terrifying. Still, they wanted that baby more than anything they had wanted before. 

The child that grew inside of (Y/N) was the tangible representation of their love. Evidence that everything life had thrown at them had not been able to push them apart, not for a second. They had been through hell and back, always together, and they had come out of every single occasion stronger than before. That baby was the final piece to their equation. 

The next day, they went to the first available OB/GYN about an hour from the town. The doctor confirmed what they already knew, adding the new fact that she was around seven weeks along. The process was more than uncomfortable, but the result was well worth it. A tiny blob appeared on the screen, and the sound of a rapid heartbeat filled their ears. It made tears well up in their eyes. That tiny thing would soon turn into their baby. And even though it didn’t even have a distinguishable shape, they had fallen in love with them. 

At first, they thought they would pass the first trimester in bliss. That they would only grow more and more excited as the days passed. And they would have. Had it not been for all the symptoms that overtook (Y/N). 

She spent most of her day hunched over the toilet seat, emptying whatever was in her stomach. Even when she thought she could keep food down, an hour or two later, she would be in the bathroom letting it out. And if she wasn’t vomiting, she was ransacked with deep waves of nausea. Then, her breasts started to swell, painful jabs running through her every few days. In addition to heartburn and fatigue, it made her question just how worth it a baby could be. 

But Derek had been attentive as ever, if not a little overbearing. He had kept his promise of moving where the meetings were held, claiming that the loft was under renovation while (Y/N) was out of town for a bit. It wasn’t a complete lie, though. He used his downtime to clean up around the house and fix things he had put off for far too long. 

He fed her saltine crackers and electrolyte drinks, rubbed her back, and held her hair, and he loved her. Every day and every night, he loved her. Even when he had to stay up cleaning the bathroom or he had to carry her back to bed. He loved her through everything. 

“You did this to me,” she had groaned one day. “All I want is to eat chips and pickles, but I can’t keep anything down.”

“I know, and I’m sorry,” he responded, drawing circles on her back as he cradled her body in the bathroom. “Hopefully, in a week, it’ll subside. You’re almost out of the first trimester, and the morning sickness should get better.”

“Stop reading pregnancy books,” she whined. “By the time this bun is fully baked, you’ll know more than me.” 

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Derek chuckled but swallowed his laughter as (Y/N) gifted him an angry scowl. “Okay, okay. I think the ten books I’ve read will do.”

(Y/N) remained quiet and threw her head against his chest. His arms snaked around her body, a comfort she allowed herself to sink into. The warmth from his body felt nice against her shivering skin. But just his presence was enough to comfort her, regardless of the words she spoke. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been snappy these past few days,” she sighed. Her eyes closed as he wrapped his arms tighter around her, her head falling against his chest. “I love this baby, and I love you, but I don’t love puking all the time. And peeing all the time. And being tired all the time. I want to fast forward to the next few months.” 

“Hey, you can be snappy with me all you want. I can take it,” he said with a smile. “I will be right here every step of the way because I love you. More than you could ever know.” 

“Even when I’m all big and bloated?” (Y/N) chuckled, her hands falling onto the growing small bump. “They're already trying to deform my body.” 

“Well, at least you’re glowing.”

“No,” she sighed. “That’s just sweat.”

“Then you look beautiful covered in sweat,” he laughed. “Now, let’s get you to bed. Alright?” 

(Y/N) could only nod and wrap her arms around his neck as he carried her back to bed, laying right next to her. Even if he couldn’t take this discomfort away, he was trying his best to make things better for her. 

Another week passed, and things started to shift. The woman would only occasionally feel the need to throw up her food, but the constant nausea and heartburn had subsided. And once (Y/N) saw her baby's small fingers and feet in their 12-week ultrasound, she knew it had all been worth it. 

She also knew they couldn’t keep the secret to themselves any longer. 

The pack had become angsty. Wondering when (Y/N) would be coming back from her supposed trip. Two and a half months was far too long to just be with family. With no imminent danger in sight, they had too much time to check up on everyone else. 

“I think it’s time we tell them,” (Y/N) told Derek as they watched a movie. She cradled her small bump, something she had unconsciously started to do. “We’re almost at the five-month mark, and I think it’ll be too hard to hide.”

“Do we really?” he groaned. “I can just keep you hidden here until the nine months are up. They don’t have to know a thing.”

“You would really keep the mother of your child sequestered in these walls until I give birth?”

“Maybe even more,” he shrugged. “Maybe I’ll keep you here forever.”

“You’re quite funny, Mr. Hale,” she chuckled. “But they are our friends —our family. They deserve to know there’s one more person to protect.”

“I’ve just really liked this time,” he sighed. His chin rested on her shoulder, his beard tickling her exposed skin. “You know, just you and me. Basking in the time we won’t have once everyone knows and once the baby is here. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, (Y/N). A family of my own, that I can love and protect. A home that’s ours.”

“And we will have that,” she smiled. “We’re just allowing more love in. The best part, at the end of the day, we can just kick them out.” 

“When you put it that way,” he laughed before kissing her lips, savoring her. “Alright, fine. We’ll tell them next Saturday.” 

“Thank you, Der. It’s gonna be great.”

And it should have. 

Had it not been for the million things that went wrong that week. The A/C was busted for a total of four days, a pipe burst in one of the bathrooms, the paint they had ordered for the nursery had been put on back order, and the Camaro had to be taken into the shop for tuning. Thing after thing occurred, piling onto an already stressful time. 

Nevertheless, the week came and went. And before either of them knew it, Saturday had rolled in. 

To say (Y/N) was nervous was an understatement. For some reason, anxiety was taking over her body. Its claws dug themselves deep into her being. It made her veins run cold and her heart speed. She didn’t know how any of them would react to the baby. Even to the fact that they had kept it from them for so long. And although Derek tried his best to calm her worries, they had already made a home inside her head. 

“God, what if they hate the fact that I’m pregnant?” (Y/N) worried as she laid out more food than necessary on the kitchen counter. “What if they find the idea of bringing a child into a messed up world to be the worst thing ever?” 

“Who cares, baby? It’s our child,” Derek tried to reassure. “We are the ones that will be raising them. The ones to protect them. Always and forever.

“But they say it takes a village, Der. And that is one thing that I know is true. I mean, at some point, we will need their help.”

“And you really think we won’t have it,” he said, rounding the kitchen island. His hands traveled her body and, in one swift move, had her sitting on the counter. At eye level, he could stare directly into her glossy eyes. “We have been through everything with these people. Even the ones I hated at the beginning have become my closest friends. I’m 100% sure they’ll be thrilled that you’re pregnant.”

He snaked his hand to her chin, pulling her down for a soft kiss. But once their lips made contact, it was too much of a temptation to keep it chaste. Soon enough, their tongues danced together, and their hands pulled each other closer. It left them breathless and excited, wanting —needing more. 

“Uh, we can come back if it’s a bad time,” Stiles’ voice rang through the apartment, startling them apart. “But you guys did invite us here. So, it’s kind of bad on you guys.” 

“No. Yes! I mean, it’s not a bad time,” (Y/N) chuckled as she jumped off the counter, hiding her stomach with a comically large bowl. “We just got carried away, I guess.”

“The one day they decide to show up on time,” Derek grumbled under his breath. “Come in, why don’t you?” 

Before they knew it, the apartment was filled with werewolves, a banshee, other werehumans and supernatural beings, and their very own abominable snowman. The couple remained in the kitchen as everyone situated themselves, whispering under their breath what the best way to go about it would be. 

“Not to be pushy,” Peter called out. “But if you guys only called us over for some food, I have better things to do than hang around children all day.”

“You do know we’re all well above the age of eighteen, right?” Isaac retorted. “It’s been quite some time since we have been children.” 

“You’re still younger than me, correct?” 

“Well, yeah…” 

“Then children,” he said. “So, what is it? Am I staying, or am I leaving?” 

“Settle down, Peter,” Derek responded, biting back the urge to roll his eyes. “We do have something important to announce to everyone and would very much appreciate it if you just listen.” 

“Fine,” he frowned. “But you have ten minutes of my time before I decide to leave.” 

“All we need is a couple of seconds, really,” (Y/N) said with a smile on her face so sweet no one dared say anything else. “I’m sure you heard that I was away for a while and that we were undergoing renovations here. Which, as you can tell by the lack of changes, was not true. Derek lied on my behalf and moved any necessary meetings out of our home because I needed this time to myself as I underwent a sort of change in my life.” 

“Oh my god, you’re dying,” Stiles worried. “Is it cancer? Is it at least treatable?” 

“It’s nothing like that, Stiles,” she reassured with a soft chuckle. “But thank you for worrying. It’s just as life-changing but not necessarily life-threatening. At least, I’m hoping it’s not. But you could never be sure until…” 

“(Y/N), you’re rambling,” Derek whispered in her ear. “It’s nothing bad.”

“You’re pregnant!” Lydia exclaimed, a bright smile adorning her face. 

“How would you know that?” Malia questioned. “I thought you predicted death, not new life.” 

“It’s common sense,” she shrugged, disregarding the comment. “She’s been hiding for months. The place smells like paint, and nothing in this room is painted, so I can only assume it’s a bedroom. And she hasn’t stepped out from behind the island that just so happens to cover her stomach. Two and two always makes four.” 

“Except on this occasion, it made three,” (Y/N) chuckled. She walked around the counter and joined Derek’s side, her bump finally on display for everyone to see. “But, yes, Lydia, I am pregnant. Almost five months now.” 

A shower of ‘holy crap’s and ‘oh my god’s rained over them as, one by one, the pack got to their feet and hugged the couple in congratulations. They rejoiced together and started planning how to spoil little baby Hale even before they were born. Every single person was as excited and overjoyed as Derek and (Y/N) were, anxious for when the baby was born. 

Well, except Peter. 

“Yeah, next time you have these kinds of news, little nephew, make sure to make it an email,” he grumbled, looking at his watch. “Can’t believe I canceled evening plans for a pregnancy announcement.” 

“We love you too, Peter,” (Y/N) laughed. “Maybe if you leave now, you can still make it to whatever it is that you had planned.” 

“I’m already here,” he shrugged as he sat back down on the sofa. “Might as well take advantage of the free food.” 

“Ignore him,” Derek told her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “He can’t take this moment away from us. It’s all ours.” 

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[soulscollection]

'𝐬𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐝𝐚𝐲' 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬.

prompts designed around the concept of a character having a difficult day and another character arriving to help/support/care for them! i made these prompts on @soulprompts. DO NOT ADD TO THIS LIST NOR REPOST IT OR CLAIM AS YOUR OWN.

DIALOGUE PROMPTS.

" you look like you could use a hug. "

" please tell me you didn't cancel your plans for me... "

" don't be silly, you're much more important than some tinder date! "

" where's your jacket? i'd like to show you something, and it'll involve a bit of walking. "

" you know i'm always here for you, don't you? no matter what. "

" hey, now... i'm only ever a phone call away. "

" come on. let's get you to bed. "

" i'm listening. "

" hey, do you have any spare pajamas? i'm going to sleep on your couch tonight; that way you just need to shout if you need me. "

" what are your nightmares about? they may not be so bad if you talk about them. "

" another nightmare? "

" hey now, no more apologizing. i'm glad you called me; i meant it when i said any time, any place. "

" you know you're never a nuisance nor a burden. not to me. "

" i'm helping you, and that's final. i'm not taking no for an answer. now. where's your kitchen? i'm making us some comfort food. "

" maybe you think it's your job to look after everyone else. but it's not supposed to be like that. it works both ways. and now it's my turn to look after you. okay? "

" hey, now. you've been helping me ever since we met. it's about time i started repaying the favor. "

“ i’m so proud of you. i know it’s hard to get past these rough days, but... i still want you to know that i’m proud of you. “

“ you know, i reckon our bond is definitely strong enough to endure whatever it is that you need to get off your chest. “

“ it’s alright, now... i got you. “

“ you don’t need to worry about scaring me off. i’m not going anywhere. you can try as hard as you want, but there’s nothing you can say that’s going to make me like you any less. “

“ you know, i make the best hot chocolate in the world. seriously, i’ve asked absolutely everyone on the planet. everyone except you... what do you say? wanna make it a global fact? “

“ let’s go smash some stuff until you’re ready to talk, okay? “

ACTION PROMPTS.

[ TEA ]: sender prepares a mug of hot tea for the receiver.

[ BLANKET ]: having found the receiver either sleeping or just lying on the couch, sender gently takes a blanket and drapes it over them.

[ BATH ]: sender runs a hot bath for the receiver after a particularly challenging day.

[ DINNER ]: having learned that the receiver has had a difficult time lately, sender arrives at their door with their favorite dinner and drinks.

[ COOK ]: in an effort to boost the receiver's spirits, sender arrives with all the ingredients needed to make the receiver's favorite comfort food, with the well-intended intentions of cooking it for them.

[ FORT ]: sender builds a blanket fort for the receiver following a long and difficult day.

[ HUM ]: sender hums gently under their breath to soothe and comfort a distressed receiver.

[ WIPE ]: after the receiver has stopped crying, sender tenderly leans forward, cups their face in their hands, and wipes their tears away.

[ JOURNEY ]: noticing the receiver has had a particularly rough day, sender invites them to accompany them on a walk or drive to get out of the house.

[ HAIR ]: as the receiver leans against them/lies in bed, sender begins to run their hand through their hair to soothe them until they relax or fall asleep.

[ CARRY ]: sender lifts a (nearly) sleeping receiver and carries them into their bed, tucking them in in the process.

[ GUIDE ]: sender physically guides an exhausted receiver into their bedroom, following weeks of very little sleep and very high amounts of stress.

[ BESIDE ]: receiver wakens from their first genuinely restful sleep in weeks, to find the sender asleep next to them, having been holding the receiver throughout the night to help them fall asleep.

[ BEDSIDE ]: receiver wakens from their first genuinely restful sleep in weeks, to find the sender asleep in an armchair by their bedside, having stayed there for the night in case receiver had a nightmare or needed them in any other way.

[ KISS ]: as a gesture of comfort and affection, sender leans forward to kiss the receiver on the forehead.

[ HAND ]: noticing the receiver is close to tears, or otherwise struggling with an unseen but considerable burden, sender gently takes their hand and holds it in an attempt to comfort and encourage them.

[ RUB ]: sender gently rubs receiver's back in a soothing motion.

[ TV ]: sitting next to the receiver on the sofa, sender joins them in watching their favorite show/movie on the television.

[ HOLD ]: as soon as the receiver opens the door and realizes the sender is there, sender wordlessly opens their arms out, and gives the receiver a warm, sorely needed hug.

[onlyjaeyun]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐁𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 – 𝟔𝟎

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐈𝐗𝐓𝐘: 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝

↬ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐉𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

↬ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬!𝐀𝐔, 𝐂𝐄𝐎!𝐉𝐚𝐲, 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐲!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

↬ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟐.𝟕𝐤

"Y/N, honey, where are you?"

The sound of Sora's voice makes its way through the now empty hallways of your new home, just loud enough to reach you.

"I'm in the kitchen, doing the dishes!"

You let out a soft sigh of exhaustion as the events of today finally get the best of you and you actually catch yourself craving absolute silence.

The housewarming party went exactly as planned and you couldn't have been more grateful. After weeks of living such chaotic days one after the other, you're simply relieved that not a single thing went wrong tonight. The food was amazing, your guests were only the people closest to you, everyone had a great time and there was not an ounce of negativity.

When the girls had basically kidnapped you to go and get yourself all dolled up only ghree hours before the first guests were set to arrive, you couldn't help but feel stressed and anxious but now after not only receiving a compliment to your look of the night from basically every sinfle guest, but also realising just how much more comfortable you were once you felt a little bit more presentable and didn't have to worry about that part yourself, you're that much more grateful for your friends' thoughtfulness.

Seeing your boyfriend's sweet and genuine reaction was just a bonus to it all.

Now that most of the guests are gone and it's just your closest circle, you feel a little less stressed and a lot more relaxed than about an hour ago.

You know subconsciously hiding yourself behind household chores isn't the most mature way to get yourself the few minutes of aloneness you've been craving for the past twelve hours but at this point you're way too exhausted to even care enough.

"Oh, goodness, you really are doing the dishes!" Sora's sweet giggles fill the soace of your kitchen with this certain type of warmth and as soon as your eyes meet the sweet gaze of Jongseong's mother, you know the exact reason behind the sudden change in atmosphere.

Sora, Nayeon's mother and your boyfriend's bonus mom, as well as Mirae, have been giving you the motherly love you've never experienced in your life and as they come to stand next to you, it definitely takes a lot of self control and willpower for you to suppress the urge to just burst into tears. Their constant words of reassurance, affection and appreciation are simply something you're not used to and with each time they smile at you with nothing but love and adoration in their calm eyes, you can physically feel yourself heal from everything your inner child has been through.

"Do you need any help, sweetheart?" Mirae asks oftly and caresses your hair softly, something you'd usually feel incredibly uncomfortable with yet with her it's never bothered you, not even on the day Jongseong had introduced the two of you to each other.

"No, thank you", you reply calmly and shoot her a quick smile back, "I'm almost done anyway. The dishwasher's running and I finished most of the pans and pots the chefs had used."

"You're amazing", Sora is quick to praise you for your hard work, "but how about we help you with the drying so you can come back and join everyone on the balcony for some wine, hm?"

"Jay's asked about you at least four times since you disappeared and I'm pretty sure Yeonie's gonna punch him very soon if he doesn't stop." Mirae's little comment has you all burst into loud laughter as memories of the two siblings actually physically fighting each other during the traditional saturday brunch because of the most random things.

The fact your boyfriend not only grew up but still very much maintains the close bond he has with the women in his life makes you incredibly happy and grateful to be a part of. You never knew what it felt like to have a loving mother, a sister or a sibling who not only appreciates and loves you, but also enjoys your presence and makes you feel special and valued.

With Jongseong, you didn't just find the love of your life but he actually gave you the one thing you've always been missing: a family.

The longer you think about the actual kmpact and influence your boyfriend has had on you and your mindset despite the rather short amount of time you guys have known each other, the more you find yourself falling in love with him.

He's the first man in your life who kept all of his promises, who gives you the love you're giving him, even more at times, who cherishes and appreciates every little thing you do, be it for him or yourself. Jongseong has managed to heal the deepest wounds in your heart and your soul, sometimes with nothing but a simple look of gratitude and happiness.

You know that to some people you might be exaggerating, but you know deep down in your heart, that Park Jongseong was always meant to be yours, it just took him a little to find you.

"You've got lost in your thoughts, hm?" Mirae smiles and starts rolling her sleeves up before she reaches for a towel and then one of the pots you had just finished washing.

To Jongseong's luck, it seems like you're perfectly occupied, since he hasn't seen you in about twenty minutes, giving him and everyone else involved enough time to secretly set up the baclony for the proposal.

The past four hours felt like a whole decade to the young business man. Every time he talked to you or literally anyone who has absolutely no idea about the little black box he hid between his socks right before you came back from your hair appointment, Jay felt like losing his mind.

Keeping this to himself turned out a lot harder than he could have ever expected. Of course the guests had managed to distract him well enough, but every now and then, especially when you found your way to him, Jong couldn't help but panic.

He really wanted everything to go as planned, not because of his perfectionist nature but rather because he wants to give you exactly what you deserve. The best and nothing but that.

Thankfully his boys and your friends had managed to take care of everything, even going as far as subtly sending the last guests home just to make sure it's only the people you both care the most about.

Jongseong nervously allows his eyes to roam the little set up his sister had organised in under an hour, saving him and his one perfect opportunity the way she's done it one too many times already.

Jaeyun and Sunghoon quietly carry the last two lighted letters to their designated spot, while your best friends are busy throwing rose patels all over the floor and Heeseung takes care of giving the surprise its last touch ups by lighting the little candles, which are basically leading the way from the door.

"Moms are distracting her just a little longer", Nayeonie suddenly says and appears by his side out of nowhere, "how are you feeling?"

For some reason, Jay struggles to find words to answer that particular question.

He's excited and nervous, of course in the best ways possible. Yet, there's still that little voice in the back of his head which has been spitting the worst, most frustrating things for the past few hours and has easily turned all of his joy and happiness into worry and anxiety.

Jay knows you're going to say yes. But then again – does he, really?

You two have talked about this multiple times and each time you made sure to let him know that you'd definitely not reject him if he ever asked you the big question, regardless of the timing.

So why is it that his head is filled with scenarios of you being disgusted, horrified and at one point even angry at him for doing something like this?

"Stop overthinking it", it's Yeonie's soft voice yet again, one of the few people in his life who're not only able to read him like an open book but also find their was through those messy thoughts of his.

"I'm nervous", Jay finally says and lets out abloud sigh as his fingers nervously fumble with the ring box in his pocket, "what if she says no?"

"Oh, shut the fuck up", Yeonie rolls her eyes and lands a firm slap on the back of her brother's neck, eliciting a round of laughter from everyone around, "you guys talked about this like ten thousand times. Plus, you're disgustingly in love with each other. I promise you, she's not going to reject you."

"And if she does, I'll take the ring, brother!" Jaeyun is quick to make a random comment to lift his best friend's spirit and before he can actually laugh about it, Jay and the other two boys basically form their well known choir as they question the young man's mental stability.

"Sim Jaeyun, what the fuck?"

"Anyway", Nayeon laughs and comes to stand in front of her younger brother with the proudest expression in her eyes and a huge smile on her face, "let's do this."

And as you're casually refilling Sora's wine glass, the women can't help but smile at how awfully unaware you are of what's been going on on the other side of your apartment.

You don't even notice the way one of them pulls out their phone to respond to a message, too lost in your own thoughts and the feeling of exhaustion overwhelming your body after such an eventful and social day.

Jongseong knows you're at a point in your day where all you can think about are your pyjamas and sleep, which is why he's pretty sure the surprise is going to do exactly what it's supposed to do.

"Let's go and join the others, hm?", Mirae says and smiles at you ablittle bigger than just a few minutes ago, leaving you a little gonfused why she'd be so enthusiastic all of a sudden but you're way too tired to even question it as you nod and follow them into the big living room.

To your surprise, the lights are turned off, the only source of light coming from the balcony and with your brows furrowed in confusion, you don't even wait for your boyfriend's morhers and quickly make your way to see what's going on.

It takes your brain a whole minute to process what you're currently looking at and as soon as your eyes meet the gaze of your lover again the end of the candle way, a thick veil of tears blurrs your vision.

"Oh, my God", you whisper and read the lighted letters behind him over and over again, just to make sure that you're actually reading them right.

Both Mirae and Sora come to stand next to one of the boys a little further away from you as all of your loved ones watch the shock take over your body with big smiles and emotional eyes.

Jongseong, on the other hand, is basically about to pass out. The sught of your pretty eyes filling with tears the longer you look at him makes his heart slam even harder against his rib cage and for a moment it feels like his lungs are hyperventilating.

Your body moves to approach your lover before your mind can follow and by the time you come to stand in front of him, tears have already stained your cheeks.

"Hi, Baby", Jay sighs and chuckles when he notices the look of pure shock in your usually so excited eyes.

"Hi, Jongie", you respond almost instinctively, your voice breaking at the end of your greeting and if it wasn't for the fact that this is about to become the best moment in yojr life, you would have been a sobbing mess already.

For a short moment, Jay allows himself to stop and just look at you. He carefully and attentively takes in the way you're looking at him, the details of your beautifully crafted facial features, his gaze dropping to your quivering bottom lip and right back up into the eyes he's found home in.

"Y/N", he begins softly, knowing (or hoping) the usage of your name is going to make it feel a little realer, a little less like a dream, "my one and only love. My everything. My home."

Just as usual, Jongseong's words are carefully chosen, well thought through and hit the deepest parts of your heart in a way only he's ever been able to.

"I always wanted to believe in love and soulmates, fairytales and romance but the older I got, the more I started losing hope. Until you stepped into my office and looked at me with those breathtakingly beautiful eyes", Jong lets out a shaky sigh, not quite used to being so vocal about his feelings in front of others but right now, nobody but you matters to him.

"My sweetest angel, my sweet souled girl", he deeply inhales and reaches for your shaking hands, gently holding them in his own to calm your racing heart down and in that moment, you're reminded of just how beautiful Park Jongseong is.

"You're my best friend, my soulmate, the one person I've waited for all my life. I don't think you have a clue what your love has done to me", with each and every single word falling past his lips, another tear of joy and happiness finds its way down your cheek, yet you never once dare to avert your gaze away from his. Too mesmerized by the love and adoration gleaming in the sweetest shade of brown you've ever had the privilege to look at.

"You saved my soul, Y/N. With every joke, every pun, every single sassy comment and comeback you've brought me back to life just a little more. And here I am, Baby. Alive and happy, because of you. Before you came into my life, I never really knew what I wanted or what I was working so hard for. But now I know", Jay whispers as the rawness of his words get the best of him and tears start pricking at the corners of his eyes. But before you can even reach for his face, he lifts your hands up to his lips and places a row of soft kisses on your knuckles.

"Everything I do, everything I own, everything I am belongs and is dedicated to you, my sweetest angel. You make me want to become the best version of myself, a better man, a better human, a better friend and son. Loving you, being by your side is my joy, my happiness, my biggest achievement and privilege I've ever received."

Just when you think your heart has reached its capacity, Jongseong looks at you with gentle eyes, slowly lowers himself on one knee and smoothly pulls out a little black ring box from his pocket.

However, he doesn't say anything until he's made sure to hold your right hand in his again, the skinship easing his thoughts, calming his soul just how he needs it.

This is it. This is the moment he's been dreaming about and waiting for all his life.

"You're my best friend, the love of my life. My home. It'd be an honor to make you my wife and spend the rest of my life loving, appreciating and cherishing everything you do. So, will you marry me?"

For the very first time in your life, there's not a single doubt, worry or an ounce of hesitation in your system and without missing another beat, you start nodding your head.

"Yes, yes, yes", you say and finally throw your arms around his shoulders as nothing but happiness and the feeling of being completed in a way you've been craving for far too long finally takes over you.

"I love you so much", you whisper against his lips, Jongseong's breathtakingly beautiful face firmly placed in your palms as he looks at you with literal stars gleaming in his dyes.

"I love you so fucking much", is the only thing he says before you go in for another tight hug, knowing life has finally given you exactly what you've been waiting for all this time.

All those dark nights you spent by yourself, all alone, unloved, heartbroken and abandoned will now forever remain in the past. They can't hurt you, not anymore.

You've finally found your missing piece.

← 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 — 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 — 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 →

(A/N: i don't even know what to say exceot excuse the spelling errors pls it's 2am and im stressed bc SB is now officially finished im gonna go cry..see you guys for the epilogue tomorrow 🤕 thank you SO much for everything babies. i love you.)

TAGLIST CLOSED: @soonigiri i @xrr-s4sha @kwiwin @heelcvr @deobitifull @kpoprhia @doodlelibrary @abrazosolorcereza @certifiedmoa @sleeping-demons @heerinnie @ohmy-moonlightx @heeswif3y @hoonieluv @fakeuwus @jongszn @cheybabey @ineedsomezzz @super-amberlynn @kshoshi @tinie03 @jseongies @mimikittysblog @primroselover @heebrry @jebetwo @donghyckl @07myonlylove @enhamysunshines @quemirasboboandapaya @lostwonderwall @seuomo @enhaz1 @teawithbucky @beomgyusonlywife @dammit-jjk @lhsvibez @azurez @boutyouwonu @finchyyy @ocyeanicc @jaylaxies @in-somnias-world @zerasari @spookyauthorspopmusictrash @capri-cuntz @fluerz @3amstarlight

[osmanthus-wine-addiction]

One Man's Stone is Another Man's Gem

◈ Pairing: Zhongli x fem!Reader ◈ Summary: You've just gotten out of an exhausting relationship with your boyfriend of ten years. Your boss, who you've only brushed shoulders with a few times in the six years you've worked at the company, suddenly makes you an offer that you can't turn down. ◈ Contains: NSFW, Boss/Employee Relationship, Power Imbalance, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Emotional Manipulation

The table was at the back of the restaurant, nice and secluded. The seats were comfy as usual. Since you were sitting beside him instead of across from him, the atmosphere was much more intimate than you anticipated. You hoped you wouldn’t get too comfortable with him after pouring a few glasses of wine down your throat, or else you were definitely going to act on these already unruly hormones.

The food came and you had unknowingly downed half a bottle of wine. You couldn’t help yourself. You wanted to loosen up after all the stress you had been under and Zhongli’s presence gave you an unexplainable sense of security.

“Why are you treating me so well, Mister Zhongli? I’m just an assistant.” You asked him again.

Zhongli chuckled softly, his eyes fixed on you. “You’re more than just an assistant to me,” he said with a hint of something else in his voice. “And I promise to never let someone hurt you like that again.”

You giggled at his words. You must be mishearing. Maybe you had drank too much. Why was Zhongli, your boss, reciting lines from a romcom you had watched last week?

“You don’t need to promise me anything. I’m... I’m sort of past taking people at their words.” You waved your hand in front of him animatedly.

Zhongli leaned closer, his warm breath ghosting across your cheek.

“I don’t make promises I don’t intend to keep,” he whispered.

He sounded so sincere. You were forced to snap out of your wine induced daze for a moment and stare at him.

“I owe you for that day. I’m very grateful for it, Zhongli.” You chewed on your words, struggling to word them in a way that sounded less shameless. “But it sounds like you’re not just talking about work...”

He drew in a breath. “You’re right. I was going was going to say this to you after you’ve moved on from him, but it looks like you’ve seen through my intentions.”

Zhongli could not be implying the ridiculous things running through your head right now. He was the CEO of the company you worked at for the past six years. Someone like him wouldn’t even look at someone like you. You had to preserve what little dignity you had left after allowing yourself to be used by a man for ten years. Delusions like this were only going to plunge you into an even deeper pit of despair. You might be drunk, but you refused to let go of your reality, no matter how bleak it was.

“You didn’t have to help me, but you went out of your way to, and I’ll always remember that.” You told him as you leaned into him.

The neckline of your dress gave him an inviting view of your body from this angle, but you weren't concerned. If he wanted to see more, you wouldn’t deny him the chance to, but why would he want to in the first place?

“I don’t get you, Zhongli. I appreciate that you’re doing all this for me, but don’t you think you’re doing a little too much?” You squinted as you watched him up close, as if the answer to your question was written in fine print somewhere on this handsome face of his.

He pulled back slightly. “Quite the contrary. I can’t help but feel I’m not doing enough.”

“Oh, you’ve done plenty. As far as being my boss, you’re doing much more than I ever expected from you. To be honest, it feels a bit like...”

“Like I’m pursuing you?” He finished the sentence you were too afraid to finish. “If I say I am, will you let me?”

[iamthecomet]

So hear me out!

As a fandom, we LOVE putting Dew through the wringer. Many ppl write his character as emotionally complicated and fucked up. Little guy had a hard past and does not deal well with feelings nor does he always have healthy coping mechanisms.

We have all seen fics where he deals with his shit through self harm/substance abuse, subspace, anger, age regression, animal regression, disassociation, etc.

And maybe this idea has been written before...but maybe not-

What if instead of all of the other mentioned stuff that he used to do...now that he's older he just finds it easier to go a little feral for a while in order to cope? It's natural ghoul behavior anyway. Like, when stuff starts to builds up and he stresses out badly...he starts to show the signs - he gets bitchy, distant... but now, instead of falling into a deep depression or setting shit on fire he reverts to full mindless feral pit beast?

He wanders off naked, into the woods for a few days. He eats deer and birds and bugs and stuff, crawls around in the dirt for a while until it blows over and he feels better.

And at first, everyone's kind of like "Oh shit, Dew's gone feral!" But then they realize that it's actually better than him doing all of that self/property/relationship destructive stuff or actually hurting a sibling, so they just kind of let him go and do his thing? Because they know that it will run its course and he'll come back after a week or two.

Maybe the clergy sends out an abbey-wide email announcing that there's a" feral ghoul in forest B so stay out of there for a while until it leaves the vicinity". And they put up some warning signs so people don't go out on those trails or near where he's been spotted. Kind of like how they do it in Yellowstone park or something when there's a bear or a cougar spotted near a trail so people stay off of the trail.

Anyway, that's my thought!

Gremlin

#goneferal #feralasacopingmechanism

I am so into this! It's so much easier to just walk away sometimes. To just let all the shit he's been bottling up loose in his true form. Just letting go. Slipping free of humanity in order to get his head on straight again.

It happens a few times a year, before and after tours when he's the most stressed out. I like to think sometimes others join him. Mountain will slip into his true form and just sort of hang out with him at a safe distance if Dew will tolerate it. Sometimes Aether too. They check on him, mostly just making sure he hasn't hurt himself, or wandered too close to a town or anything. But mostly he's left alone, to his own devices, to work it out on his own.

Sometimes they'll get caught up in it with him. It feels good to let go. And yeah, Siblings definitely get periodic email updates. Stay away from the eastern swamps. Don't go into the southern pine grove.

He absolutely comes back covered in dirt and scratches, hair greasy. Eyes dull and exhausted. And docile. He lets himself be ushered into a bath. He's pliable, longing for attention, his voice soft and quiet from disuse.

He stays in his room for a few days after, sleeping it off, picking at the food the others bring him. But once the exhaustion is gone he's back to his normal self again. The whole thing is a little stressful for everyone, but far less stressful than when he used to throw tantrums in the abbey, so no one is about to ask him to stop.

[stingraywipe]

Hey! Here's a little thing I wrote for @sincerely-sofie 's The Present is a Gift AU with her characters Twig and Kip. I wanted to get it out sooner, but alas life happened and I was unable to work on it as much as a wanted to. This is also the first time I've done any sort of creative writing in years, so hopefully it isn't too bad. Anyways, here it is! I hope you like it :)

The Sunrise

It was dawn when Kip woke up. It was rather early and he was still tired, but he rolled out of bed to go check on Twig. He knew she probably wanted her space, but he couldn’t help worrying about her more than usual after the previous few days’ events. He yawned and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, then quietly cracked open the door of Twig’s room. His heart skipped a beat when he saw that she wasn’t there. He rubbed his eyes again to make sure he was seeing right. Yup. Twig wasn’t there. Feeling panic begin to set in, Kip took a moment to breath and recollect himself.

“Calm down, there’s NO need to be freaking out about this,” he thought. “Twig likes going on walks when she needs to clear her head, or if she wants to be alone to think on something. She’s probably just doing that. She’s been through a ton the past few days, so it makes sense that she would want to do that. She’ll probably be back here soon.”

Despite knowing that, Kip decided to make a quick check outside anyway. He was already pretty awake after the initial shock of Twig’s absence, and taking a look couldn’t hurt. Maybe he could watch the sunrise while he was out there. He hadn’t done that in a while, and it would be a good way to unwind for a bit after the stress of the past week.

Apparently Twig had the same idea, because she was already sitting near the edge of the cliff looking off into the distance. She was visibly ok, and even seemed less tense than she had been recently. Despite this, Kip felt the need to make sure she was actually fine. He knew too well how Twig feels the need to hide anything that ails her from everyone no matter how serious it is, so it was going to take more than just visual evidence to convince him.

“How’ve you been holding up?” Kip asked as he approached. Twig jumped a little and spun her head around, relaxing again once she realized it was just him.

“Jeez dude, you scared me! Did you have to sneak up on me like that?”

“Oh no, I didn’t mean to startle you!” Kip responded. He hurried over to where Twig was and sat down next to her. “I just wanted to check up on how you were doing. I saw you weren’t in you room and I-”

Twig cut him off. “Relax man, I’m just giving you a hard time.” She gave him a playful punch to the arm. “And, umm. I’ve definitely been better. I think I’ve cried more than enough for an entire lifetime over the past few days. Maybe even two lifetimes. I didn’t even know fire types were capable of producing that much water.”

Kip chuckled at that. “Yeah, but it needed to happen, you know. That’s what you get for being silly and stupid and somehow convincing yourself that none of us like you.”

Twig sighed. “I know, I know, you’re right. It doesn’t mean I have to like it though. It’s physically AND mentally exhausting.”

“I feel you there. I feel worn out, and I haven’t cried anywhere near as much as you!”

“Yup. I totally have you beat.”

Kip gave her a baffled look. “Are you seriously bragging about how you’ve cried more than me?”

“I sure am. I gotta take my wins when I can get ‘em.”

He burst out laughing at that. “Well, if your jokes are anything to go off of, I’d say you’re holding up pretty well. Seems to me like the funny Twig I know and love is finally starting to come back. I guess I was worried about nothing.”

Twig shrugged. “I guess.” 

Neither one of them said anything else for a while. They sat in silence and watched the sun slowly climb higher on the horizon. It was one of the sunrises with lots of pink mixed in with the oranges and yellows; the kind that Twig loved the most. The sea below them glistened like gemstones, with rolling waves that shimmered in the bright light. Kip had almost forgotten how beautiful the sunrise was at Sharpedo Bluff. Sure, he could watch the sunrise when he was away on his expedition, but they just weren’t the same there as they were here. Besides, he was with Twig now, which made it even better.  

Kip smiled. “I missed this,” he murmured.

“Missed what?” Twig asked.

“This. Watching the sunrise with you. Going on walks. Just talking. You know, enjoying the little things in life with you.”

“Dude, you know you can still do those things without me right?”

“I guess, but they wouldn’t be the same. You’re what makes them special.”

They were both quiet for a bit. Twig was first to speak again. “Dang, I really messed up a lot of stuff with my dumb thoughts then. Sorry about that.”

“How many times do I have to tell you to stop apologizing for that!?” Kip responded. “None of us blame you for any of that stuff. If anything, it’s MY fault for not doing anything sooner despite seeing through all of your terrible lies. Besides, it’s in the past now. All we can do is focus on what we can do now, in the present.”

“I guess you’re right.” she said. “You know dude, if you really wanted to hang out with me THAT badly, you could’ve just asked.”

“Ok, noted. You’d better be prepared for lots of requests then if that’s what it’s gonna take.” Kip glanced over at Twig. Her expression was a bit troubled, as if she was contemplating something he had said. Seeing that, he nudged her and spoke again. 

“You know I meant it right? What I said before.” 

Twig turned her head to look at him. “What? The part about how me being there somehow makes things better?”

“Yeah, that one. I want to make sure that sticks with you, because you seem to be quick to forget it. You’re an amazing person. I know it’s hard for you to see it right now, but we all really do care for you more than you could imagine. And it doesn’t matter how long it takes you to convince yourself of all that, because all of us are happy to remind you as many times as it takes. Nothing you think or say or do will ever change that.”

Twig’s eyes started watering at that. “Seriously dude,” she croaked. “I was just complaining about how I was tired of crying. Did you really have to go and make me-”

Kip pulled her into a hug, cutting her off. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me Twig. You always will be. Please don’t ever forget that.”

They stayed like that for a while. Kip held Twig there for as long as she needed to cry. After a bit, Twig slowly pulled away and took a moment to wipe the tears out of her eyes and regain her composure. 

“You good now?” Kip asked her.

“Yeah, I think so. I think I actually feel a bit better than before, funny enough.” She shifted her gaze back to the horizon, where the sun had climbed a bit higher over the ocean. They sat there quietly, simply enjoying each other’s presence. For the first time in a while, it seemed as if everything was truly at peace. 

Twig eventually broke the silence. “You know what? I missed this a lot too. This is nice.”

“Yeah,” Kip said, nodding in agreement. “This is nice.”

[pintsizeninja]

Writing Update

Not too much to share this week, since I already posted earlier about finishing the one shot. It's nice to have that done and out of the way. I'd been wrestling with it since July and now I can fully focus on my novel.

For some reason, I always seem to fall into a funk of sorts when I finish a piece, and that definitely happened this past week. It's been a bit of a struggle to write, and work's incredibly stressful right now so I'm just exhausted.

Warriors, Poets and Elder Gods Update

We're less than a week away from the first chapter drop!

I did finish up the short chapter I mentioned last week. The chapter I'm currently working on is a very difficult one, both from a technical perspective (lots of moving pieces, trying to strike the balance between providing enough detail yet not drawing things out) and an emotional one. I've put countless hours of research into the subject, and hopefully I'll do it justice.

It's a bit of a funny thing, putting so much time and effort into something not a ton of people will read, but if you do read it, I hope you enjoy it. 🥰 It is an absolute labor of love, and I'm excited to share it with the world.

[missvengeancescornerofhell]

"Saturday Night"

(Zacky Vengeance/Avenged Sevenfold fanfic)

It was Friday and I was tired because of the long week I had during school. "Man, school really is tough" I said to myself as I lied in bed, listening to music on my iPod.

Being a Junior in high school was exhausting, especially when you have strict parents who are always on your ass.

I started to think of a way to de-stress and I quickly landed on drinking. Drinking at home was going to be tough though since I would definitely get caught. I sat up on my bed and started planning on ways I could drink with less chance of getting caught.

It was midnight and my dad had all of his beer stored in the fridge outside on the front porch. I sat on my bed thinking about a way to drink without getting caught. After a while I came up with the idea to steal my dad’s beer and sneak out. I took off my headphones and wrapped them around my iPod, placing it on my bed.

I got up and walked into my closet. "As long as I’m quiet I won’t get caught" I thought to myself as I put my jacket on and walked into my room. I climbed onto my bed, grabbed my iPod and swung my messenger bag on my shoulder. I tip-toed out of my room, slowly closing the door behind me. "The hardest part is almost over" I thought to myself as I made my way through the kitchen, past the counter and out the front door. I quickly shut the door behind me, hoping I made little or no noise at all that would cause my parents to wake up.

I walked over to the fridge and set my bag on the ground. I sighed in relief as I opened the fridge and saw that my dad still had more than enough cans of beer left. I grabbed a few beers and put them inside my bag. I closed my bag and slung it over my shoulder with a proud smile as I made my way over to the fence. After a few seconds of walking, I had made it to the fence and I quickly realized it would take a bit more than 'jumping the fence' to get to the other side. I managed to climb for a bit before falling on my butt "hey, at least I fell on the other side" I thought to myself as I brushed the dirt off my pants and stood up. I checked my bag, making sure that nothing had gotten damaged in the fall.

Nope, everything's okay.

I started walking to the park, which was a few minutes away from my house. After a few minutes of walking, I arrived to the park.

Yep. just as I thought, the park was a few minutes away from home

Once I walked into the park, I quickly made my way to the swing set and took off my bag, setting it on the ground beside me.

I reached into my bag, took out can of beer and opened it. As I sat down on a swing, I debated if I should spend the rest of the night getting drunk and listening to music on my iPod or if I should go home in a few hours. I took my iPod out of my jacket pocket and flipped it over. I stared at the back of my iPod for a moment, taking in every detail of the Misfits' skull logo which I had painted on the back of the case. I got distracted by the sound of laughter in the distance. My head quickly shot up and I looked up in the distance, and I saw Brian, Matt, the twins and Zacky. Brian and Michelle were sitting on the benches and drinking what I guessed was Matt’s dads Jack daniels while Matt, Valary and Zacky were sitting on the ground near the benches. Matt and his girlfriend, Valary would often steal their parents Jack Daniel’s and would sneak out at night and drink. Kind of like me.

After a few minutes of looking at them, I realized I finished my beer so I threw it on the ground and crushed it.

I reached into my messenger bag and grabbed another can of beer. I opened the can and looked straight ahead.

Zacky was standing right in front of me

“Hey” Said Zacky

“Oh, Hey” I held the can of beer up to my lips and took a big sip. I looked down at my hands which were in my jacket pockets, playing with my wired earphones. I took my iPod out of my jacket pocket and I continued to fiddle with the wires of my earphones.

Zacky looked down at the iPod in my hands

“Heyy, cool case” He looked down at my hands which were still fiddling with the wires of my earphones “Did you paint that yourself?”

I guess he noticed the paint was chipping off and he assumed I painted it on.

“Yeah I painted it… it’s the misfits logo. They’re like- my favorite band of all time” I look up at him standing in front of me and I start to feel a bit nervous. “You can sit you know” I point at the swing next to me.

“Oh um- sorry” Zacky’s face turns into a slight red color and he takes a seat on the swingset.

The park lights flashed on him as he sat down and I noticed he was wearing a misfits t-shirt

“I like your shirt” I say with a smile

Zacky sighed and looked at you “You’re talking to me like we just met”

“Nah, I’m just akward” I replied, placing the can of beer on your lips, tilting your head back and taking a sip.

Zacky looked at you with his eyes wide open as you were taking a sip of beer “No way!” he laughed “You’re drinking beer?”

I looked at him with a confused look on my face “Yeah… want one?” I reached into my messenger bag, pulled out another beer and held it out for him

“Sure” he smiled, took the beer and opened it. As soon as the can made a hissing sound, he held it up to his lips and took a sip. “Hey… Matt and Brian are on the benches drinking Matt’s dad’s Jack Daniels…wanna come with?”

“Jack Daniels? Fuck yeah!” Zacky and I both laugh. Zacky stands up and pushes me off the swing “Come on, let’s go”

I laugh and stand up, following Zacky, who is leading me to the park benches where Brian and his girlfriend, Michelle were making out

“Hey, who’s that?” said Matt watching me, walking over behind zacky

Matt was holding a bottle of Jack Daniels while his girlfriend, Valary drank from a seperate bottle.

"Oh sorry, this is Y/N" He said, as he grabbed me by the shoulders and pushing me towards the park benches where Matt and the others were. He already knew that I'm akward as fuck and that I don't really talk to people I don't know.

Matt took a sip of Jack Daniel's straight from the bottle "Jack daniel's?" He said, holding up the bottle up to my face

"Fuck no!" I made a disgusted face "Not after you mouth fucked the bottle"

"Awh come on! my mouth is clean!" Matt looked almost offended by my statement. He turned over to Zacky "Man, your friend sure is rude"

"Oh nonesense, she's SUCH a sweetheart" He replied in a sarcastic tone which caused matt and the others to laugh

Valary looked at me, clearly amused by my 'niceness'

"Want some Jack?" She asked, holding up the bottle to my face

"Oh, hell yeah, Pass me that bottle!" I take the bottle from her and I take a swig

"Woah, woah, woah." Said Matt with an offended look on his face "Why are you drinking from her bottle and not mine. She also 'mouth fucked' that bottle, you know"

"Because... she's a girl. Us girls are way cleaner than you BOYS" I replied in a teasing tone

Valary and the others laughed

As I was finishing the bottle, I noticed the sun was coming up and I had to get home before my parents found out I snuck out. I told the others and they decided that it was time to leave as well since they had also sneaked out to come here. I know, so original.

The walk home was very exhausting considering the fact that it was now saturday morning and I hadn't slept at all. As soon as I got home, I dropped my messenger bag on the floor and flopped onto my bed.

---------------------------------------------

(I have NO idea if I should even write a part two but I might... also don’t judge my writing skills, i never really write anything so…)

[emdotcom]

I got a lotta weird realtionships w/ my mind, & now you gotta hear about 'em.

I don't really have nightmares. Not to say I don't get dreams with scary things in 'em -- I do ! But, in my mind, I've drawn a line in the sand that says everything left of making me horrified is not a nightmare.

I have, further on, separated horror from scary -- horror makes you feel as though ou or your loved ones will be hurt. It makes you check that your doors are locked, a little more often -- it has a lasting effect, even if it's only for a day or two, only until the sun rises. Meanwhile, scary, to me, is a less lingering fear. It makes you feel afraid for a moment or two, & then the screamer is gone, or you chuckle at yourself & realize your fear was silly -- it's just a movie, or a video, or you miss-saw something -- a harmless trick of the lights.

Anyhow, with this distinction laid out, the moment I wake up or realize that it was just a dream, I find that most of my dreams aren't horrifying to me, so I don't really classify them as nightmares. They're more interesting, really, like a scary movie I watched last night.

This is, in part, due to a stretch of time in which I had no dreams. Not that I had them & then forgot, upon waking up -- that's different. Even if you can't actually remember one single iota of the dream, you can feel on the peripheral of your mind that a dream did occur, like the difference between eating only chips on an empty stomach, or a full meal. When you actually have no dream, you know it.

It... Made me miserable. I hated sleeping. I would wake up & remember that pitch blackness, thick like tar, my body stuck in place. To me, boredom can be painful. It can make me say or do things I never wanted to, just to take off some of the edge of it -- it can hurt worse than a cut. It runs deeper than all that, past the skin & flesh, past the bone, down into my core. It hurts. I've described the sensation before as "Feeling as though I have cracked upon my skull, & am now rubbing my exposed brain on concrete, over & over & over again," with all my nerves still exposed.

So, you can perhaps imagine that spending untold hours in vast nothingness was not ideal.

I loathed sleeping, in that time. I was forever tired -- sleeping one hour, two on this night, the next, & the one after, then crashing for half a day, every weekend. Part of this... Was because of where I lived, & how it was. Some days of the week, it was preferable, really, to be gone into that nothingness for so long, if I could just force my eyes closed for long enough. This kept up for about a year. A year with no dreams -- can you imagine it? No whispers in the night, alone with not even your own thoughts, no memories to turn to?

That experience, that constant exhaustion, that anxiety in laying your head on the pillow, wondering if this will be another night of dreamless sleep has always stuck with me. Even now, years later, I worry, when I lay down at night, if this time my dreams will disappear, & for good, this time.

So, if you had an option between grating your exposed brain into the dirt & grit for hours on end for an entire year, or watching a spooky movie or two, which would you pick? The spooky movies? Yeah, me too.

I don't get horrified by my dream, that much, because no matter how bad they get, they are always preferable to the alternative. When my choice is between something that will haunt me throughout my days, or a temporary upsetting feeling, I kinda prefer the later, not gonna lie! So, it's not that I don't have nightmares in a more traditional sense, it's more that my definitions & I have changed to the point that it is hard to label any dream as such.

Anyhow. The actual reason I was making this post.

I don't get, like, actual nightmares, but I get what I refer to as either "mundane nightmares" or "stress dreams." It's not a scary monster grabbing me from the dark, or watching my loved ones picked off by a constant persuer, or a thousand disjointed limbs & faces twitching in the dirt, or a mass of water swallowing me & everything behave ever cared for whole, but it's something that does indeed stick with me. It does make me check a metaphorical lock, I suppose.

These dreams are all mundane. It looks like my current or old life, really, like a rerun, almost. A lot of them occur in my old apartment, with my family. A good amount occur at or around school & schoolwork, a solid amount are in my current resident, & a select few blend these elements together, in various combinations. A lot of these, are, like. I forgot to save a game before exiting. I made an appointment incorrectly. Somebody got mad at me. Etc, shit like that.

It's honestly more about various anxieties in my day-to-day, my dreams demanding I continue to keep on my toes. They're, like, kinda boring, but still preferable to pitch black or ACTUALLY horrifying dreams I've had, on the past. Plus, sometimes they're almost funny, in an exasperating way. Like, I just spent my entire sleeping moments sweeping & cleaning, & yet I wake up & I still gotta do it? Fucking hell

Sometimes they're. Kind of upsetting. Like a glimpse into an alternate me that doesn't exist, one who made different choices. A manifestation of my own personal regrets, come to haunt me in my slumbering hours. She has what I do not, & it's got what I've given up, throughout the years.

It's kind of a lot, to realize that I miss something I still hate, to this day. I wake up & almost want to cry. I can't believe I still miss that -- it made me fucking miserable. It made me hate living. It made me a bad person. It made me want to HURT people. It made me shatter, then scrape together, then stand up & shatter again. It made me fall into endless spiral after endless spiral, a despair that demanded blood & pain, if not from me then from someone else. It made me hate the world, hate all the people in it too, made it all turn sour against my tongue until I wanted to wretch it out. I HATE that point in memory, for all its pain.

But. I miss it, still, & I have the dreams to prove it.

[fandomnovella-blog]

The Teacher's Pet: Kim Yugyeom

You were so stressed out this week you didn't know which way was left and which way was right. You were exhausted and your appearance was starting to mirror how you felt. You had gotten pale, and your hair was starting to get a little crazy. Your assignments were keeping you so busy you fell asleep on your math textbook and woke up with the page stuck to your face! But finally, you felt like you were on top of everything. Every assignment had been handed in and every piece of scrap paper put in its proper place so with puffy eyes and your clothes hanging off you, you entered your History class. By the looks of the other students, they seemed to be just as tired dishevelled and sleep deprived as you. It made you feel less alone. You were just nodding off when the door opened and in walked Kim Yugyeom.

A hush fell over the class. He stuck out like a sore thumb! The whole class looked a mess! Exam stress had ravaged you guys to next to nothing and here Yugyeom was, not a hair out of place! His clothes neatly fit his body and with a face that almost glowed with energy and brightness! It was like Exam week had taken all your energy and zapped him with it!

He was carrying what you supposed was Mr P's laptop and mug which was full of steaming hot cofee and he neatly placed it on the desk waiting for it's owner to arrive. The smell wafted to your nostrils and gave you a little more life. You then watched groggily as Yugyeom placed a card and box of chocolates on the desk and sat down waiting for Mr P to arrive!

Sure enough the formidable teacher strode into the classroom, greeted Yugyeom cordially and sat down at his desk, "Thank you Yugyeom for helping me bring my supplies to class! Oh, and what's this?” He gestured towards the Chocolates and card! “You're spoiling me!"

You saw from the corner of your eye that Yugyeom beamed, blushed a little and sat up a little straighter. Mr P then scanned the class "you all look a wreck! How are you supposed to learn anything! Prepare to hand in your reports today. I'm not extending the deadline so do not bother asking!"

You groaned internally. Typical Yugyeom behaviour! Always giving gifts to teachers to say "thank you for being awesome and helping us to grow into the amazing people we'll become" you snorted.

The only thing Mr P gave you was stress, a headache and more homework than you could handle! At least the report he had asked you to do had been finished. You looked in your bag for the folder containing your essay and your heart dropped. You didn't have it with you! It must have gotten mixed up while you were at home! Today was the last deadline and if you failed to hand it in you'd lose a whole semester grade!

You felt like you were in a living nightmare!

Maybe if you pinched yourself then you would wake up with your math textbook stuck to your face again! But no. This was reality. This was happening right now and your whole life flashed past you eyes! You moved your hand more frantically in your bag uselessly praying  that your assignment would be there. But you were met with air passing through your fingertips whenever you swiped through your bag! You couldn't lie, and Mr P would NEVER accept an excuse. There was nothing else to do but bite the bullet. Slowly you raised a trembling hand. Mr P's head looked up from his laptop.

"Yes Yugyeom what's the matter" he said beaming. Your heart was beating fast...did he say Yugyeom? Did he just confuse you with his favourite student?

"Sir I think you have us confused with the other class. Our assignments aren't due in until next week."

Mr P looked at Yugyeom "Are you sure? I have it clearly marked here" he said looking at his diary.

"Sir, I wouldn't lie, I specifically remember you saying that it would be due in next week."

You looked at him eyes wide with disbelief.

Kim Yugyeom THE KIM YUGYEOM lying?! To the teacher?! Now you definitely were dreaming! For a minute Mr P looked down again at his diary. You felt sure he wasn't going to believe it.

But then he lifted his head and said "Very well. I'lI make the deadline next week. It could be that with all the essays due in I've written the wrong date down. It doesn't take much! Exam season doesn’t just affect the students you know!" He chuckled. You let out a breath you didn't know you'd been holding. And you weren't alone. It seemed whole class sighed with relief with you. When the bell rang for break you walked quickly out of the classroom.

You couldn't believe you’d escaped detention and an F-grade in history!

"You're welcome!” someone said as they passed you “Next time if you need me to cover you just ask." You looked up and saw Yugyeom's shiny backpack.

"Huh," you said to yourself. Yugyeom clearly wasn’t as squeaky clean and pure as the teachers thought!

[em-marti-capstone]

Week 5 - October 11

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder," — quote of the week

"Nothing you love can ever be forgotten. You can always go back.

How?

Memories. They live forever, right there in your heart. Sometimes you just need to find a way to invite them out," — from the movie If because I'm watching it currently as I write this and my brain immediately was like 'write that down!!!!!'

This week, I surfaced a couple of ideas for a potential creative project.

Idea 1:

Possibly an animation or 3D model short short film? Probably nothing more than 2-3 minutes? There are two concerns though: 1) I am not experienced in animation, so it would definitely be a huge learning process. And I'm also not a pro at 3D modeling at all. I'm enjoying it, but still need to learn more, so yeah. 2) The content of the film itself is a work in progress. I was thinking one version would be from the point of view of a 5-10 year old, then transitioning to how their world develops and looks as they grow up to around 20 years old or so? Not totally sure but the idea was that perhaps the art style begins as 2D animation and then becomes 3D to reflect that change. The other concept which I like a little more is where it's possibly me (or it could be a random character I create) going to bed after a long day of school or work or just a long day, stressed and exhausted, and falls asleep, dreaming about specific old memories that overall helps the character remember that things will turn out alright. I know it sounds cliche so I really would would need to figure out the specifics of what the memories are and how they correlate to the present-day stress the character is dealing with, and I really want to see if I can combine 2D and 3D animation. Overall, I just want this video to make other people feel for those memories and relate to them in some way, and that the uncertain future will eventually get figured out. CLICHEEEEE BUT it will get sorted out.

Idea 2:

The second idea is similar to the first but in the form of a children's book; the style of one but for my age group or just anyone who's feeling uncertain about their future and needs the reminder that it's okay to look to the past to offer us some stability in the present. After doing some watercolor practice in my Illustration class and seeing a few examples of watercolor in children's books, I'd possibly try to do the same? We had to draw and paint a room, any room of our choosing, so I did my old bedroom, which will look similar to the 3D model I did last week.

Some artistic precedents for these 2 ideas:

Shelby DeGarmo; she creates pop-surreal impressionism art that explores "the delicate nature of life and relationships." Two notable quotes from the reading:

“Definitely, many of the subjects and environments I include are heavy in sentimentality. I grew up largely surrounded by my grandmother and her garden. Her house was really a place I felt a deep sense of “home” in, and I loved her dearly.” After her grandmother passed away, “I felt very lost for a while but started to shift my focus into ways where I could process grief and find a sense of “peace” if we want to call it that.”

“I think nature and animals are approachable for most folks, it’s the place where we all come from and will return to. It’s gentle, scary, delicate and vibrant. I think focusing on nature, and less human or personally attributed subjects allows for more people to find their own place, or meaning in a work. Everything in nature is trying its best to survive, grow, and often love. It’s inevitable that it can’t last forever, but long after I’m gone, there will still be children picking flowers, and fawns chasing their mothers through the woods.”

Another artist, Trevor Clare, compiled a collection of his art into a book called The Art of Nostalgia, all paintings and "hidden gems" of the Kitchener-Waterloo area, which was accompanies by stories from the residents that live in that area to evoke nostalgic feelings and memories.

Idea 3:

I also tried to think of a metaphor for nostalgia, which led me to the statement that "Nostalgia is a bed." Not sure if this is too on-the-nose as well, but a bed offers security and comfort. It's a space where people can relax or cry or express many emotions, overall recollect their thoughts and reflect. Our beds can possibly change over the years, whether its the mattress or frame or blankets, but it is almost always a space for us to not only sleep of course, but to reflect. This idea also felt prominent when I asked others to draw their childhood bedrooms or other areas of significance to them (experiment shown before). I was just drawn to how people drew their beds and what other details felt important to add in their sketches. So for idea 3, I don't know if I want to make a bed of some sort, or make a comforter or quilt. I'm unsure what materials it will be made of exactly, maybe comforters that a person would have used as they grew up, or some other material. I also thought of a mixed media piece, maybe a painting with other physical elements from one's childhood, like a quilt or other objects. Or some short film but I don't know what story that would be.

Some artistic precedents for this bed idea:

The first thing that came to mind when I thought of bed and art was Robert Rauschenberg's Bed, 1955. However, this precedent was more so because I like how he created his combine paintings, not necessarily because this was a bed.

This other precedent could actually go for all of these ideas, a short film created by Mollywood Films: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJeVQXI2Q68 This is a film about homesickness and nostalgia, consisting of found footage of the past and current videos of acceptance.

There's a few other artists that I want to look into that were suggested by Nancy, and one of them that she suggested that I did end up looking at was Kelly McGowan's capstone project (https://www.kelly-mcgowan.com/installation), in which she literally built a bedroom and created almost everything inside out of fabric. I need to reach out to her and chat with her!

Some other articles I read through that also inspired these ideas and experiment:

For the experiment, I'm still waiting on a few people to send their drawings of their childhood bedrooms and will turn them into a gif to be able to show for the midterm presentation. Here are some of the ones I have so far though!

You can see how my sister put in more detail in the toys we had in our room, our old rabbit, and computer desk which I completely forgot about. But it was really interesting seeing how differently we thought about our rooms and what details she colored in and felt she needed to add. As well, you can see how my dad and uncle drew their rooms and the different details they chose to focus on (my uncle with the posters [they aren't accurate to what they had when they grew up but he told me they did just have a bunch of posters around], and how my dad chose to detail things like their fireplace and flooring). I'll try to label these images soon but I will for the gif that I will make for the midterm presentation!

[timeoverload]

I'm sorry I didn't post much last night. I didn't get upset or freak out about anything because I am sort of used to the way things are now. I was also absolutely exhausted. I was still up late anyway and I didn't get a nap so I was a little grumpy today but I tried my best to act normal. I'm glad my arm doesn't hurt too much. I am very happy with the way it looks so far. I can't show it to anyone yet because I told the director that I had a doctor's appointment yesterday so they wouldn't deny my request to switch my day off.

It was nice to see you yesterday. I am confused about what is going on. I'm sorry I wasn't very talkative. I didn't really know what to say. I don't know if I'm allowed to say anything.

I am frustrated because I don't know how I am going to afford to keep coming to see you. I don't know how I'm supposed to have money to give you every 2 weeks but I don't like saying no to you. I'm not rich but I don't want to give you less than you deserve. I have so many bills to pay though. I have to fix my car. I need to buy a new phone still and that's going to be over $1000. Soupy and Salazaar need to get in for dental work this month. I need to buy food and other stuff. I guess I will have to do my taxes soon so maybe that will help. I need to stop thinking about that for now because it's stressing me out.

I was expecting it to be a bad day since last Thursday sucked but it ended up being ok. I had a lot of cases but I think I did a good job at keeping up. The doctors weren't rushing so much today thankfully. I finally got the huge stack of instruments on my station redone.

My boss came up to me this morning and told me that I need to train the lady that works the night shift how to do my job so I can leave on time. I think they are tired of paying me for overtime. I'm sure she's not going to be happy about having to learn that. She is usually in a bad mood when she comes in. I try to be nice and talk to her but I get the feeling she thinks I'm annoying. I'm probably overthinking stuff again.

It is a little disappointing that 2 of the new people decided to no call, no show the past week. That happens all the time because a lot of people can't handle it. I remember when I started I was very overwhelmed because there is a lot to learn and you see a lot of gross things. It can be intense sometimes. There are a lot of rules and policies to follow. I would say that I am pretty desensitized to all of that now. It's definitely not for everyone.

They are making me leave at least 2 hours early tomorrow so I can't complain about that. I might get to leave earlier than that because I only have 10 cases in the morning and it's pretty slow otherwise. I'm looking forward to that.

My right eye has been bothering me so much the past couple days and nothing has helped. It feels like it's burning in the center. I have been using eye drops a lot. I can't wear any make up because it is making it worse. I took a muscle relaxer and ibuprofen at lunch and it didn't help. I realized that I might be having this problem because my new glasses are the wrong prescription. I'm not surprised that happened after my experience there. My vision seemed like it was slightly out of focus all day. They didn't bother me that much last week but I had to take them off when I got home. I'm not going to take them back because I don't want to go there again. I also like the frames a lot so I will try to get new lenses put in them sometime. I don't really like wearing those ones at work anyway because they make my ears go numb when I wear my hat. I put my other glasses on when I got home so maybe that will make a difference. They seem to be more comfortable so far.

I need to get ready for bed. I already ate dinner. Salazaar is laying on me and it's making me tired. I'm glad he is keeping my toes warm though. I don't want to wake up early. I hope I can take a nap tomorrow afternoon because that would be amazing. I don't want to stare at the screen anymore and I don't have much else to talk about right now. Hopefully tomorrow is a good day.

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow too!!! :) 💖💖💖

[ohleander]

8.29.23

I've not wanted to write for a little while. I've been really occupied with doing outside things and honestly, I'm feeling very exhausted. It was all good memories and very rewarding but I feel a drastic need to retreat. Go slowly. My mantra on my September calendar is to go slow. I called it Slow September.

I've been under the influence of a baaad mood for about a week now. It PMS as usual but it feels so intense. Feels like I've wasted a lot of time being unnecessarily angry at the people I love. I really notice how it feels like I do that a lot. It feels like I rest in this constant state of trigger and rejection with dad lately. I don't want to feel this way. I'd love to figure out how to get out of my head and have better quality time with him. I feel like I dissociate, gloss over, and rush the time we spend together. I definitely spent a lot of my past weekend in my feels, angry like a teenager. I want to hold myself and tell her she's still lovable, even when she's angry over things. Sometimes I fear that putting my exact feelings into writing makes them too real, but I will keep trying. I need to learn to be even more honest with myself, not hold back and not judge myself too harshly. I am always trying my best to do good, even when neglect and laziness settle in. Even when I could be doing better. Its hard to understand, its hard to unravel and I'm already sinking into some depression over it again. Hopefully I can keep making an effort to change these cycles in me that aren't helping me anymore.

Again, I'd like to shift my focus to something much slower. Something softer. I haven't been enjoying who I am as a person lately. It feels very contrived. It feels very fake. A lot of the time I need to go a lot more slowly than I think I do. My impulse is to rush, and I rush by my loved ones.

I feel so stressed right now, feeling as though I wasted a good long weekend, feeling so angry with dad for old reasons. It wasn't something I felt like I could control. I was just in my feels. I feel like we don't get to talk as good as we used to. I feel like I always dissociate, trigger into some negative feelings, or rush our time together. This weekend, I've been deep in the trenches of a hormone dip, which is never really good for me. In all my efforts of trying to understand myself, I feel like I've forgotten how to consistently care about other people. The more I go forward the less I feel I understand. I also feel like I spend so much time with dad, just absolutely zooted out of my mind and I cant appreciate or react in the ways that I want to. He's such a kind and special little old man, And I always want to do better by him. But he sees the best in me and he also sees the worst in me. Grateful that we always hold each other in the best and the worst times. I'm sure that's what love is.

This weekend, I was in my feelings about not feeling like I mattered, not feeling listened to, not feeling regarded. Feeling like dad only talks to me like I'm a sounding board, or someone to explain things too. I would like to get out of my head and take these things less personally. I get triggered into feeling like I did when I was a kid. Dad's a different person now than he used to be. I make a lot of unfair assumptions when it comes to him. I want to do better.

In trying to gain myself, I feel like I've lost a good chunk of what matters TO myself.. its hard to explain but its also easy to realize that I've been trying too hard again. I fall into that cycle. Its an all or nothing kind of mode where I DO IT ALL or i do absolutely nothing. As always, trying to find better balance in my life.

Tomorrow is the full blue moon in Pisces and I really hope for a good cleansing feeling. Its a full moon so its hard to sleep, but I hope to have cleansing dreams. Its Virgo season and I feel like that always makes me crazy. I'm an overhead kind of person and I enjoy details but Virgo season can be a lot for me and my impulsive nature.

Thoughts are all over the place but I find comfort in writing again. It was such a cram-full month I feel as though I spent the whole time on auto pilot. How do I get off that awful train? How do I manage to become more connective? When I'm in public I'm always so preoccupied with how I look to people, do I seem right? Do I look like people are supposed to look? I want to calm down. I want to rest my dials on a solid 4 or something low like that. I need to be okay with being more low-key.

Its never too late to start acting how I want to be. Its all practice. I realize where I don't want to be and I change from there. Quality over quantity. Quality over quantity.

LA

[umichenginabroad]

Week -1: Diky, Naschledanou

One week later… My post-study abroad adjustment has been slightly different than most. Since my mom came to visit, we decided to travel to Italy for an extra week before the start of my internship. Therefore, the fact that I am leaving Europe has not actually settled in yet. It has been weird leaving the routine of seeing the same people and walking the same paths every day but traveling has become a routine of its own.

We stored our luggage in the Prague airport and spent the week along the coast of southern Italy in Naples, Sorrento, and Rome. At heart, I am an ocean and beach person. My favorite source of protein is seafood and in my past time, I love swimming in the open waters. Therefore, finally not being landlocked felt amazing. I got to eat way too many bowls of seafood spaghetti.

The highlight of my trip was hiking the Path of Gods along the Amalfi coast. It was a great change of pace from all the other European cities I have been visiting. Instead of walking around for hours looking at historical monuments that all started to blend together, I got to take in the beautiful views of the mountains and water in Italy.

Toward the end of this trip, however, I was ready to go back to America. I was getting burnt out from traveling and knowing that I only have a day at home before going to California for my internship was becoming a stress factor for me. If I got to replan this last leg of my study abroad experience, I would have chosen to leave when the program ended and spent an extra week at home to recover. Studying abroad has been the best time of my life but it also has been more taxing than anticipated. There have been a lot of sleepless nights traveling and making the most of Prague but it did pile up. Starting my internship already exhausted is less than ideal but I am hoping that my day at home will be a good refresher. 

I hope you all have enjoyed reading my blogs this semester as I have enjoyed writing them. I initially took on this role with the intention of wanting to help out future U-M CoE students to decide on which study abroad program to choose or if they should even consider studying abroad (which is a definite YES from me). However, this blog has become a baby to me. I began to enjoy the process of looking back at what I have accomplished this week and even weeks before because I often forget. Luckily, these blogs will be here forever so I hope this can become a keepsake for myself and a resource for someone else out there. 

My last bit of Czech lesson: “Diky, Naschledanou” (which translates to thank you, good bye <3)

Janice Liu

Computer Science

Tech Career Accelerator in Prague

[jedijourneys]

Kallia’s Journal; Entry Twelve

It has been some time since my last entry. I find that between classes, training, practice, and research, I rarely have much free time to myself anymore to commit to this journal. That's expected, though. As each day goes by, I become more experienced, more knowledgeable, and as a result, much more is expected of me.

I know almost all of Shii-Cho by heart at this point, though I can hardly claim to be a master of it. The guards, the stances, the parries, each day I hit at the practice dummies, and I've made a point to practice my force push on them as well, just to assist a bit with my aim. I've also been utilizing the training droid given to me by my master, pushing, pulling, and jerking it side to side with the force. I think I have it down well enough to use it in combat a bit easier than I had during my first battle on Tatooine.

Additionally, I've been looking into other lightsaber forms, as instructed by Kethry. I took the Lightsaber Dueling class weeks ago, and, wow. Even longer than mere weeks, it seems. Time is going by so quickly. I can hardly believe I've come so far. But back on track, I believe Shien is the best form for me. I've taken time to make this choice, to ensure I had it prepared when my master asked. The other forms just don't call to me like Shien does. Being able to switch between a powerful defense, and a quick and strong offensive on the fly is important to me, especially since I'll be keeping up with my Mystic master during missions.

Considering who my master is, I've already taken steps to add some additional flair to my combat style as it is, practicing feints, pivots, and more agile, quicker moves than those I was taught during Shii-Cho class. Kethry is cunning, she has to be, so it's important to me that I try to be so as well.

Meditation is still practiced twice each day. At this point, I think I can recognize most of the people I've come to know so long as they are in range of my senses. I've been paying particular attention to locating others, wherever they may be, within the Alderaan temple, as I often sit outside near the waterfall to help in my focus. Breathing out pesky, negative emotions is becoming less difficult through my growing skill in meditation, as well. Of course, I do still struggle with the occasional jolt of discomfort, and Kethry has reminded me that the mission must always come first, no matter how I might feel. Therefore, learning to control and even purge myself of these negative emotions has become increasingly important for me, lest I be blinded in the future by anger, pity, or something else.

I also attended a Curato Salva class, taught by Headmaster Novianis. I, along with a few other students, were taught how to restore our strength and stamina to our bodies when exhausted, in addition to other important effects, such as purging the body of toxins. This has come especially in handy during my personal practice sessions, ensuring that I have even less downtime between defending and attacking against my imaginary opponents, which very well could be real one day. It also helps that my fight against those mercenaries on Tatooine has given me some real combat experience, and has helped me realize how exactly I react to high stress, unexpected situations. I'm working to ensure that it's not so easy to ambush me, or others with me, in the future.

Additionally, I am reeling in that overconfidence that I'm used to feeling, or that I was used to feeling. Sort of like a bucking, rampaging Tauntaun that I've lost control over, I am now pulling hard on the reins, rather than letting it run wild inside of me.

Discipline has definitely been something I've worked hard on in these past few weeks. I successfully managed to get into the Temple Guard. Now, how I did that, and what took place during that process, I will not be speaking about. It was special, and I wouldn't want some nosy sentinel slicing into this journal, and then blabbing about it to everyone else. Regardless, I've been taking my training as a Guard, along with my own padawan duties, very seriously. It is still difficult to control my overflowing levels of energy. Occasionally, I will twitch, and shuffle my feet, but I am determined to gain self control over that part of myself as well. As a Temple Guard, discipline is more important to me than it ever was before. I will learn to stand still, and listen instead of talk. I will learn to watch, pay closer attention to my surroundings, and not get so easily distracted.

That isn't to say I've lost the charm of my sassy personality, or at least, I like to believe so. But there's a time and a place for cheerful humor, and sarcastic taunts, and as of late, I haven't had much time for either of those things. I do wonder how Lyceus is holding up, though. He must be going through just as much as I am. If I've changed to such a degree, and, dare I say, matured, how much has he changed? I'm sure we'll both be fairly recognizable to one another. I might be a bit less... bouncing off the walls during our next joint training session, but I'll be sure to throw a few friendly taunts his way. I wonder what path he's going to take, though. I haven't had a chance to talk with him in some time. Is he still uncertain about his role in the Consular school? I should consider myself lucky that I don't struggle with that at all. I know my place. I know what I want. And I'm determined to get there.

I am quite glad I've been so serious and dedicated in regards to my training, as of late. A few days ago, some of us Jedi, including myself, were summoned to Hoth on an additional mission. We were investigating droids, among other things, and after the briefing with Master Sur'realle at the fleet, we were off to the surface of that freezing world. Thankfully, I like to be prepared, so I had an outfit ready, warm and meant for use in extreme, frigid weather. Even tucked into that, though, the air was cold. If it weren't for Kethry's teachings on Tapas, I would have been much more uncomfortable out there.

The entire mission was... chaotic, though, to say the least. We all ultimately ended up sidetracked by a small group of people who claimed their friend crashed in a blizzard, and that they were now being crushed beneath the snow.

Yes, there were a lot of red flags. Why didn't one of them stay behind with this friend of theirs? Why didn't they approach the nearby Republic Base for assistance? Whisper Pine, myself, and a few others managed to get our first set of objectives done, regardless. The healer that was with us, Jardzia, objected to us leaving the people who were calling for help behind, but Knight Whisper made it clear that the mission came first, and of course, I agreed. This was what I had been taught to believe, trained to do. I breathed out my discomfort, and we carried on. Of course, we ultimately ended up in the same place again regardless, and, a bit unsurprisingly, the people claiming their friend needed help lured us into a canyon, filled with the droids we were looking for in the first place. Another red flag. Of course it was a trap. One of the Initiates was gassed when a droid was destroyed, temporarily losing her connection to the force.

After that? There was just more confusion. We met a woman in the canyon who didn't seem entirely too fond of us, and other Jedi recognized her. I didn't get many answers, though, and Kethry wasn't present, so I couldn't exactly just lean over to her and ask. We still managed to get samples of those droids, though. We made our way back to our Jedi flagship, and reported all of our findings. That Initiate was taken to the med-bay for testing and observation. Ultimately, the mission was just chaotic, and once again, I ended up in combat, not only with droids, but with pirates. Thankfully, my weeks of training and practice, along with previous experience, proved enough for my survival. I was careful to avoid striking a killing blow on the pirates. I don't know if the others noticed.

I'm not so sure what the end result of that entire mission will be, though. Samples of those droids will have to be analyzed, but that's not something I'll be helping with.

When that was done, more practice. More training. My first Initiation Ceremony as a Temple Guard. And earlier this afternoon, another private lesson with Kethry. I informed her of all that I had learned on the lightsaber forms, as well as informing her on my decision to train with Shien. She seemed pleased by the choice, and after that, we dueled. I practiced my Shii-Cho, while she demonstrated a few different forms for me to defend against. It has become obvious that my control of the blade is significantly better than it was when I started. I caught her by surprise at least twice, when I seized an opening, and when I utilized that feint that I have been practicing. Perhaps that was a good enough display to assure my Master that I am serious and dedicated to my training.

And, that was just an hour ago. I finally have a bit of free time, though I intend to meditate on my new assignments. I had a lot to talk about tonight, and I don't know when my next opportunity to record another entry will be. Regardless, you can expect that I'll be training just as hard as ever.