#deep writing asks meme

[astromechs]

3 and 9 for the writing meme?

3. what fic are you emotionally attached to?

for the longest time, i treated my writing as exorcised demons that i wanted nothing to do with once they'd left me gjdhd, but in recent years i've found at least a couple of things that i revisit that i have emotional attachment to.

probably the one this is most true for is keep whatever it is (that's compelling you on). it's not that long (just above 2k), but it represents finally getting courage to put something out there about characters who have meant a lot to me for more than half my life, and it was a collection of ideas i'd had for years before i ever wrote it. the matrix resurrections turned out to be a lot different than anything i'd imagined -- in a good way! but i still hold this story close to my heart as something i'm really, genuinely proud of, and attached to.

9. what's your writing process like?

chaos. pure chaos. i can not write for months and then write like 20k words in a week or less in a fit of hyperfocus (i have ADHD, so that... explains a lot about this; i tended to operate in school by the nothing-hyperfocus cycle too lol). i'm trying to get better about at least writing individual scenes in order, but i tend to put things together in a very non-linear fashion. sometimes music helps to set the mood, sometimes it distracts me. honestly, i usually don't know what's going to happen when i sit down to write, which makes it a fun adventure for a hobby, and is probably a good thing that i don't do this professionally 😂

ask me deep writing asks!

[starry-bi-sky]

more clone^2 memes because i think they're funny

[paimonial-rage]

Ask meme - 6 and 9 for the dragon men (zhongli and neuvillette) please!

This took so long I am so sorry, but here we go!

[Character Analysis Ask Meme]

What is Neuvillette's biggest insecurity?

Neuvillette’s biggest insecurity is not something he's ever tried to hide. Anyone that has spent enough time with the Iudex has probably heard him mention it before. Simply put, Neuvillette doesn't understand the emotions of humans very well. He never has and sometimes he doubts if he ever will? How many times has this flaw of his costed him dearly in the past? How many mistakes has he made? And how many are there yet to come? How he dreads the thought.

What can’t you trust [Neuvillette] with?

To chase after you - Iudex Neuvillette is many things—polite, kind, intelligent—but he is not a man without faults. Only a few know him well enough to realize he holds many regrets upon his shoulders, majority that were never his burden alone to bear. Should you ever become the source of one of these regrets, you can surely expect to know. With somber eyes and a weight upon his shoulders, he will apologize to you. But don’t expect anymore than that. Not understanding human emotions is not only his weakness, but a prison. He will not attempt to make things up to you nor will he try to make things how they used to be. You’re best off where he can hurt you no more, even if that means he will be left alone to the rain.

What is Zhongli's biggest insecurity?

Who knows lol.

What can’t you trust Zhongli with?

With mora - As knowledgeable and talented Zhongli is with many things, it is a surprise to many to hear that businessmen don’t exactly enjoy making deals with him. How can they when contract discussions always leave them with the [shorter end of the stick]? How many [unforeseen business expenses] do they end up incurring in such a short amount of time? In the end, they always lose more than they gained. What they don’t know is this unfortunate occurrence happens with any Mora dealings with the man. But what can you expect for someone that, by contract, has the Traveler liable for all expenses during his outings with them? It's simply best to leave all matters of mora out of any relationships with him.

With your heart - If there's one thing true about Zhongli, it's that, while he may withhold the truth, he does not lie. So when he speaks of a person warmly, they can very well believe his words to be true. That being said, it is important that one does not mistaken his warmth with depth. One cannot simply entrust their heart to him and expect his in return. How could anyone hope to understand the weight of many a millennia, after all? So while the desire may be cute, it'll never be something he would even consider to reciprocate.

[msmargaretmurry]

i wish you would write a fic where brady catches matthew and quinn sneaking around to hook up :))

usa hockey you BETTER put all three of these boys on your olympic squad becasuse that would be the perfect setting for this

okay but you know i love the best friend's hot older brother of it all when it comes to matthew/quinn, and the delicious dramatic wrench it could throw into the brothers relationship and the bestfriendship relationship........... if i wrote this fic i would want it to all of the different types of relationship as equally important and special and sometimes complicated! especially if matthew and quinn are growing feelings, whoops. and the olympics of it all is very pressure cooker in a way, they're all stuck with each other and playing together and you don't want to fuck up the chances for a medal due to interpersonal drama! so you either have to deal with the feelings immediately or bottle them up until you get back home!

[myalchod]

for the three sentences fic: andylind + marriage of convenience (yes i'm quite late to it)

Quite late but I don't care in the slightest -- seriously, for this or for any other such ask meme, there is no wrong time. I love prompts basically always ... and unlike some of those others, I'm not taking a trillion years to fill this one for you. 😘

Their vows had been said in a small, utilitarian room, their marriage born of practicalities and realised on paper alone for contingencies that might never come to be -- not when he lives now a world away from where their too-brief time together had been spent, wearing a different name and a different identity and the past hanging a stubborn millstone around his neck, far heavier than a simple ring and an equally plain chain have any right to be. She had eyed him askance when he’d bought that ring and his own, when he’d insisted on marking what meant far more to him than he was willing to give voice, but she had slipped the unadorned band onto finger nonetheless, the brush of her skin against his far softer than he had imagined it could be, and he is glad of it in hindsight, when the shape of it smooth beneath the pad of his thumb is a tangible reminder not just of what was but of what will be, the promise she had sworn to him when he’d seen her last, before blood and lightning and fire rent his world asunder.

(He imagines, sometimes, what might have been -- imagines her here with him, fair head bent close to Bea’s dark one with lightning crackling above their cupped hands, imagines discovering what other softness she might have hidden -- and he knows those possibilities owe more to dreams than any sense of realism, knows her far better than perhaps anyone else alive, all too aware that she would consider sentiment an aberration and that this is a matter of convenience, but that does not stop him from dreaming, wondering, hoping that one day she will return and that, one day, this will mean more, though he knows she would call him a fool for it; even if it means nothing more to her, those vows, along with all of the others he has given her, remain everything to him -- and how could they not, how could she not, when he gave everything up for her?)

[ send me another ] [ all fills ]

[antiadvil]

i was reading your hoodie bow fic and this ask is just to let you know that i am so in love with that fic its actually insane. like if i could inject that into my veins i would. get that tattooed on my forehead. oh my GOD the silly banter... the way i could hear the whole fic in their voices in my head bc every word sounds exactly like what they would say... the initiating sex via kicks... and the END OH MY GOD LOU ITS INSANE IT HURTS ME like wtf why did you do that😭😭😭😭 do you WANT me to explode😭😭😭 "you have to get married to get divorced" "that's the fucking plan" literally shut up i hate gay people so much its unreal. im voting for trump in the next election bc i think he can put a stop to this bs with his zombie wife and maxxed out credit cards... sorry to send to a crazy rant ask btw but i think i already commented on ao3 and i didn't want to look TOO insane... anyway I'm actually fr in love with you thanks for being the best person ever and writing rpf with your glorious talent🙏🙏🙏🙏 bowing down to you fr💖💖💖💖💖 love from esmé

<333333333 look i'm insane about this fic too. i don't always get why some of my fics blow up and some don't but this one? i get it. within like a week it was my most kudosed story on ao3 and i get it. some of my fics i post and go "thank god i never want to look at that again" but the hoodie bow incident?? i reread that shit like 5 times after posting. more probably. basically i kept rereading it until i posted oh baby, seasons change, and then i started alternating rereading them lmao (i haven't decided which one i like more, i flip back and forth, i know the people have spoken and the hoodie bow incident has way more kudos but i think that's just because the "disgusting amounts of fluff" is not properly sycned with the "fluff" tag so it's harder to search for. I think I like the 2010 section of seasons change more but in the 2024 section they're not standing close enough to like mess with each other's hair and stuff and in the hoodie bow incident they're touching (omg) for most of the fic. but i like both fics a lot i think they're very vivid and just like punch you in the face with the sweetness. like "you've got to get married for that first." OOF. i know i wrote it but... it's the kind of thing that doesn't feel like i wrote it, it feels like it just appeared in my head. like it was the natural progression of the dialogue and i needed to put it on the page as fast as i could physically type before it somehow disappeared).

my favorite part of phil being like hey let's fuck and kicking dan's leg is actually when dan is like oh yeah sure. oh wait you mean NOW? it's so funny to me. like. babe can i finish reading this twitter thread first it's really funny :/

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

1, 12, 14 for Lucius and Driscoll? 👀

HELLO FRIEND THANKS FOR ASKING!! referring to this post.

since this all qualifies as Deep Lore Hours (which i love!! you're the best!!), and i'm a wordy person, have a cut checkpoint on your dash:

1. What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)? 

lucius actually happened because i asked claire for a starting blirb [sic] in ms. mecoli's creative writing class in high school (remember that???), and she gave me a bit about lucifer standing outside a churchyard with a big black dog*, and i thought "hm. bit on the nose," (for the weird little christian fiction thing i thought i was writing, which has obviously since mutated Significantly), so i changed it to lucius. originally he was the Antagonist™, and human although he didn't realize he came out of a test tube just like bewinged lili did, and all i knew about him was grown-up white dude with black hair.

obviously, he has since undergone SIGNIFICANT revisions (lol. lmfao, even), but embryonically he started with a modified name!! (i went digging through my archives, and i do in fact still have the index card with claire's pencil writing below my pen request! wild.)

(i don't actually remember when i decided he needed wings too, but i think it was around the time i realized i wanted my protags to be all Not Exactly Me, and therefore boy protag would be Different, and then he got his black wings!)

*the big black dog has also made it back into this version, after falling out of the intermediates!! vanya, my beloved, ...

for driscoll, i vaguely remember the purple hair probably being first (i recall chewing on finding The Right Name for a while?). to confirm, i went into THAT archived notebook (red, helpfully labeled "LIMINAL PREWRITE," with "LANGUAGE AND COMP" obliterated beneath thanks again, high school).

weirdly, the first four (4) pages of the driscoll thing is NOT the character profile (that shows up on page 5, and does mention purple hair/brown eyes/physical appearance), but one of these OC ask meme type things, transcribed into the notebook. hilariously, the very first question is "If they want to buy a firearm, what would it be for?" which. omg. (my answer eventually got to "no they wouldn't lol," but it's wild to see how that slow revelation happened on september 3, 2017, when i was first figuring this kid out.)

so apparently first for driscoll i wrote some random character finding Q&As, and then i have the story of their misplacement, and then the physical details, which: wild, on all fronts, to me. (it's a good thing i keep my notebooks in an archive refrigerator tower, or i would've bluescreened on driscoll 100% haha.)

12. What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)? 

oooh, good question. my lucius answer is probably biased, because i hadn't started doing the Bitch Journal while i was working through that drafting/those revisions (and i have the object permanence of a fruit fly), but i THINK my biggest difficulty was figuring out the right balance of ~Interiority~? and i still don't love where i left that querying draft at (now, after four years' distance, lol), but getting the right balance of Thoughts and Reactions down on the page was difficult for me, which i suspect was because i've been too in his head for so long, if that makes sense? like the things he notices and what he narrates on imply enough of the interiority to me that i don't see gaps readers do (because, shocker, they HAVEN'T been living in his head since uh. 2007.). and i think i cut away some of the interiority in my preliminary Wordiness Passes, which nerfed me, but i started fixing that in the fourth draft!

my driscoll answer is just. a web of angst lol. and i know most of it is Living Situational/Circumstantial, so we're going to Ignore That and just answer with the Actual Textual Difficulties.

so: driscoll's Actual Textual Difficulties are mostly that i started out writing thing as "someone i'd like to be" with regards to kindness and gentleness and how much they care about people, but somehow i had to backpedal and get a Character Development Conflict in there, which is hard when my starting point was "very good noodle." i think i'm getting there!! but nesting competing wants into a late-stage draft without breaking anything (or, y'know, while finding stealth-broken things that i didn't think were), is a Trying Time™. i'm leveling up about it! enjoying the leveling up!! i'd be leveling up faster if i wasn't burning all this emotional bandwidth on a bullshit living situation! we're fine!!

14. If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be? 

OH FUN, i percolated on this on my WHOLE BIG WALK yesterday, thank u for this enrichment

lucius: first, physicality is key. he has to be Very Aware of where he is in physical space/how much of it he's taking up (because an 18+ foot wingspan really doesn't fuck around, and only half the time is he somewhere that his dimensions are accommodated). when his awareness slips, it (1) has to be for a good reason and (2) usually results in something breaking, and both of those are fun to play with >:D

second, what he notices needs to read like More Than Human--he's got raptor vision, and he's spent half his life around other hybrids with combat training, so he's very visually Intense™ and good at reading a wide variety of body language. and because he's Friends with these combat trained hybrids, he's asked a lot of questions, and he notices a lot more than human people would.

driscoll: first, child, you have physical limitations, and you ignore them at your own peril. i put this kid in a shifting monsterscape armed with pretty much just a flashlight and the distinct ability NOT to be able to run away from their problems (because their lungs don't cooperate), so both driscoll and i have to be very aware of the Exit Plan for any situation they get themselves into (and they get into a Lot of Situations).

second, another dual-wielding type of thing: driscoll is both weirdly in tune with In Between and mostly cannot tell people that, so how i write about them navigating has to change depending on who they're with. hazard is the only one they're fully open with at the start, and they have to be carefully guarded with the other walkers/crew, AND they have to tell newly misplaced just enough to inspire confidence without revealing so much that they (the newly misplaced) will be Suspicious if they stick around to become townspeople themselves. it's a Lot to keep in mind (perhaps uh. More. than i kept in mind. in drafts two and three lol. we're working on it.)

THANKS AGAIN FRIEND THIS WAS SO FUN!!!

[tortoisesshells]

Fic title ask game:

How Do You Take Your Coffee?

North of Dreams

The Ghost Clinic

Thank you for the ask, kind friend!

How Do You Take Your Coffee? - hmm, a 5+1 type fic about the regular coffee orders of patrons of the Collinsport Inn, and what they usually talk to Maggie Evans about while they're nursing their morning joe - or bolting it. Maggie's known everyone for years, anyway. Have their orders changes through time, or before and after major events in their lives - her father, before and after her mother's death? Burke, before and after his prison sentence? Laura, before and after she went away?

North of Dreams - Elizabeth and Barbossa on the way to World's End in PotC:AWE: the trials of navigating to a place that you have to be completely lost to find in the first place. Barbossa understands the interplay of the mythical and the mundane through stories better than anyone else; Elizabeth is very convinced of the power of stories, but not, perhaps, as a navigational tool.

The Ghost Clinic - Mercy Street as a ghosthunting (or mythbusting, occasionally) show and not a Civil War medical drama: Jed & Samuel are the main personalities in front of the camera - they're still medical-adjacent (I'm not quite sure how. this is not a practically considered fic.)? which comes in handy considering the endless lists of allegedly haunted hospitals, sanitariums, asylums, etc. that they're called upon to investigate. Charlotte and Mary are behind the camera - Charlotte the director, maybe? Mary in charge of something in production, or background research? I think the fic would specifically follow the making of one specific episode - I'd probably make up an ACW-adjacent hospital or convalescent area, purely for the sake of keeping the show on-subject. (obviously, the place is haunted. possibly by Henry.)

Send me a made-up fic title (or 2 or 3) and I’ll tell you what I would write to go with it.

[stars-inthe-sky]

🦟

🐜 Recommend a fic that makes you laugh! A crack fic, or something that's just really funny!

The first thing that came to mind, if you enjoy the Old Guard, was the reveal at the end of this thoroughly great post-canon number, which always makes me chuckle.

I then started scrolling through @starred-fics for a bit before I remembered that the answer to this question is a tie between @diaphenia's "Safety Zone" and @stillscape's "Brandi Maxxxx's Masterpiece"—neither of which I've revisited in years but both of which sent me into giggles merely remembering how terrific both authors are with sitcom fic. Gosh but the heyday of Parks fandom was such a special thing.

[regionalpancake]

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

Most insecure about? Oh ABSOLUTELY it’s spelling… and grammar, and syntax, and-

I love telling stories, and it’s something that verbally I can do really well (I’m told I’m a good DM for D&D!) but I’m also dyslexic and so getting the story on the page is something that can be a challenge for me.

Thankfully I’ve got an excellent beta who helps with the word wrangling, and I think I’m getting less worried or self-conscious about making mistakes.

My style as a writer! This makes me feel very professional 🧐✨I think it’s changed, in that I’m more aware of style then when I started. But the general vibe is almost always some combination of ‘healing through found family’, ‘hurt/comfort’, and emotional intimacy (platonic or otherwise) expressed through friendly banter. Which is almost certainly why Raffi&Rios are my catnip ✨

[sorrowshared]

@aequitaes sent: “How long have you been having these nightmares?” (:

He's sitting on the floor with his back against the couch, knees bent and the soles of his feet flat against the ground. It's hard and cold and certainly an odd choice to anyone seeing him now, but an instinctual one for V. The floor is grounding, real, solid. A reminder of where he really is that saves him from slipping back into the horrors of his mind, these visions so palpable they cannot be anything other than memories.

Memories of someone else's life; for they cannot be his.

The hands that reach, the voice that screams, even the lungs that breathe (when they allow him to) in these memories are distinctly not his own - and yet they are painfully familiar, as known to him as those he's looking at right now; perhaps more so. It can't be him and yet it must be, as the misery he recollects is entirely his own. It is burned into his mind, his flesh and blood; so much so that there's no doubt that these are not fearful visions of the future but glimpses into a past so terrible it should perhaps be no surprise that he's erased them from his consciousness. --But how can they be his and not his at the same time? It hurts his head and heart to think about, so he tries not to.

The air feels like needles on his skin, the wind outside hurts to listen to. He's trembling while trying not to, cold sweat on his forehead and neck causing his hair to stick to his skin uncomfortably. He wants a shower more than anything but knows the water would be scalding hot against his body; the thought of stripping bare in that cold cramped space an ordeal of its own. He's miserable, cold, frightened - but not alone. For once he is not alone.

He didn't intend for Nero to join him on the floor but he did so without having to be asked, without questioning it either. Though there is little the hunter's courage can do to fight the monsters in V's mind, he is a presence to anchor himself to, a light in the literal darkness of the night, his voice something to focus on. Reaching up, V brushes a hand over his cheeks to wipe away what's left of the tears that fell from his eyes just before he woke up; tears of despair and fear rather than sadness. Their half-dried trails feel like scars on his face.

"As long as I remember," V replies, knowing fully well how meaningless an answer it is. He hasn't told Nero the circumstances of his being here, of the gaping holes in his past. It's not a lie he speaks but an empty statement nonetheless. How long has he been plagued by these nightmares indeed? How long ago were they reality? Unconsciously V moves his hand while he focuses his attention on breathing and making out details around the room: a stain on the opposite wall that looks black in the darkness and could be anything from chocolate sauce to blood; streaks on the window above; a sticker of a cartoon raven glued to the right corner of a cupboard door. His fingers curl around the hem of Nero's jacket, the fabric soft and smooth to the touch.

"They haunt my waking hours too," he admits.

[deliciouskeys]

Deep fic questions 8, 11, 13

Deep fic meme here.

8. does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

Only two siblings. No parents, no friends, no coworkers. If I die, I guess I don’t care if people find my ao3. At least I didn’t make them aware of it, so it was their own decision to pry.

11. Has a fic you’ve written ever caused issues/controversy?

Haha, nothing major, but have had a handful of people get riled up! I know you’ll find this hard to believe given I never, ever argue with people, but I got into a long back and forth with a Christian fundamentalist who read my David/Jonathan “Bible fandom” fic and then got retroactively angry about it. One of my favorite exchanges on AO3 ever.

Also people get mad about the Holocaust-set original fic I wrote, which is fine. I don’t particularly blame them or defend myself. It is titled “Do Not Read This”, and is properly tagged, however, so I also won’t delete it just because someone’s upset lol.

13. Do you take pride in your writing, or does it embarrass you? Why?

I take pride in it to the extent that it tends to accomplish what I want it to do (revise and/or offshoot from plot from media I like). Would I want to present myself as a writer professionally? Hell no.

[grollow]

9, 15 and 20 :)

Hello robbie I am a big fan <3

9. what’s your writing process like?

I'm kinda glad someone asked this because I am apparently straaaange among my friends.

Before I start any project, I have to know where it starts and where it ends. 'Cause those are the hardest parts for me. Then I have a document called Outlining BS that basically consists of an entire chapter outline for my fics (W&G's is actually completely done, Red Sky's outlined up to 30 chapters rn), with what I want to accomplish per chapter, and the chapter title.

Then I make a doc file that is entirely too fancy for my own good, and that's when I write. I almost never write ahead: it's usually in order, with snips of stuff to come held in a random snippet document that looks like the feral ramblings of someone deranged. If I try to write chapters out of order I tend to ruin story flow/progression, although I have gotten a little less rigid with Red Sky and W&G. The other stuff I wrote I could never.

After I write a chapter, I go through and edit to make it better, which is where some of the more detailed descriptors etc come from (yet all my most popular lines are from the first draft, I wonder what that says about me?)

15. How do you think your writing as improved over time?

I think once I embraced that I am someone who writes heavy introspect, and really just kinda leaned into it, my writing became more visceral. I like to think it makes the times where you get scenic descriptions and settings more impactful for their rarity.

20. What’s the greatest gift you’ve gotten from your writing?

Campy, corny answer, but I've made some really good friends via writing and I'm sentimental as shit, so ;w;

[fridayiminlcve]

seeing u slowly become a taylor swift hater is the biggest character development in the history of this planet not going to lie to you fam

😭😭😭😭 thank you ig

[amethystina]

For the weird questions for Writers ask

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

I'm almost tempted to say sex scenes because, man, do they exhaust me sometimes x'D But the truth is I just find them tedious, not difficult. And not tedious as in that I hate writing them or anything. Just that, during sex scenes, the timing and build-up has to be just right and that takes a lot of time and effort. Which is kind of annoying

(also, I'm pretty ace so I spend most of my time squinting at the screen going "... is this sexy? How to sexy? What IS sexy? I am so confused.")

I think, in the end, the most difficult subject matters for me to write about are things I have truly no experience of that are also incredibly sensitive or important. Like, I would find it incredibly difficult to write a story focusing on contemporary racism because I'm a blonde, blue-eyed white girl. What the fuck do I know about being subjected to racism? I would be SO uncomfortable writing about it because it's not my story to tell and I would, no doubt, offend a lot of people when I inevitably got something wrong.

I would rather write a story about things that outright trigger me than a subject I have no right to be talking about where my insensitivity and lack of experience might harm or offend people. So the "difficult" part wouldn't be my lacking skill level or that it hurts me, personally, but that I would feel so uncomfortable and afraid of hurting other people that I just wouldn't be able to do it.

That's not to say I only ever write things I have personally experienced (the stories would be kind of one-note if that was the case) but there are certain subjects I would definitely think twice about writing about without doing A LOT of research and interviews with people who could teach me more about it first.

And what's easy?

People.

How they behave, their emotions, their quirks and habits — even the dark, unruly parts. I like being able to write characters who feel human, with both good and bad sides. Which comes naturally to me in a way that's difficult to really describe. I rarely, if ever, have to plan the characters' reactions during a scene before I write it — everything usually just flows on its own as I write it, intuitively and with ease.

And, apparently, I get it right pretty much on the first try?

So yeah. People. They're incredibly easy, even when they're being assholes or little shits.

Weird Questions for Writers

[lbhslefttiddie]

💞🍭

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

always, always the characters!!! frankly i consider plot and worldbuilding to be merely side effects of building characters, and their lives and worlds. the same can be said for consuming stories: no matter how interesting in theory the plot or setting, if i don't like the characters i will not be invested at all

🍭why did you start writing?

ive been making stories since before i knew how to write, and part of it i think was that i was a child very hungry for attention. ive always been fairly creative, and theres a lot of artists in my family, so stories and dramatics and funny jokes or impressing adults with what i could draw or write was a very viable way for me to get attention or praise. it was a skill i started developing very early, and so its always felt natural to me; as soon as i could spell words, i started committing that shit to paper

on the other hand, i do also suspect it was, in many ways, a coping mechanism; my childhood was pretty turbulent, and while reading was good for escaping for a little while, when creating something, i had a kind of control i very much did not have in real life. for a long time, it also was the only way i knew how to express how i actually felt, so i fell back to it constantly as a child, and it has been an integral part of my being ever since. art may be something i love, but writing is something i need; i dont think id be able to stop even if i wanted to