#decked out artifakes

[niftukkun]

artifakes could make very pretty accessories i think

[hermits-and-friends-gacha]

roll !!

You rolled a 4 Star Decked Out and Sculked Up Cubfan135!

Ability: Spread the Embers

Skill: That Belongs in a Museum

Parkour: ★★★★★

Artifake Collection: Getting There

[sams-spot-for-things]

i walk into the decked out two afterparty. tango is passed out on the bathroom floor. lines of redstone on the counter. panic smoking a fat one in the black mines. i can hear tangos cough speaking to me from the afterlife. Where the hell do i pick up my artifake

[ice-cap-k]

Computer Virus

Cross-posted to AO3 here: Computer Virus

__________________________________

The Decked Out 2 section of the museum was turning out nicely. Cub now had a large assortment of artifakes to fill the shelves he had running through the tower he had *ahem* acquired before Tango had ever opened the dungeon doors. And now that the hermits were completing run after run, there was a steady stream of artifakes coming out of the game. It was only a matter of time before Cub had them all. He could be patient. He could be vigilant. 

Although, more shards would be nice. 

He had just made up another handful of item frames. Each one was laid out on the counter in preparation for displaying another exhibit. Out came the shulker box. With one hand, he reached inside and pulled out a Hypnotic Bandana. “And here we are. The first artifake to be put on display.” He reached to place the bandana on an item frame, but the moment he let go, the entire world stuttered.

 Cub froze. He blinked as solid surfaces vanished. He hung suspended in an open space. He couldn’t see anything, but he could see everything. There was no ground. No walls. No blocks in general. In the distance, he could see other mobs like him stuck in their own suspended existence. Horses and chickens were barely specks from this far away. A zombie shambled below him where a cave must have snaked underground. 

The world was reloading the chunks around him.

The hermit braced himself as the world jolted once more. In the blink of an eye he was back in the museum garden. Everything was back to normal. “That was interesting.” 

He shrugged it off. It wasn’t the weirdest thing. Multiplayer servers often experience hiccups. But when he turned back to the item frame, he let out a groan. “Oh nooo.”

The Hypnotic Bandana wasn’t there. 

Had he dropped it? He didn’t see it on the floor. The item frame looked empty. Maybe his inventory? He rummaged through his pockets but didn’t find the scrap of cloth. How about the shulker box? The world could have lagged when it reloaded. So he pulled back out the shulker box and placed it on the floor. One quick look through the contents showed him that no, there was no bandana there either. 

Cub was at a loss at this point. He even double-checked the item frame to make sure the bandanna hadn’t somehow gone invisible. It hadn’t. It was just gone. “Well that’s just unfortunate,” he huffed to himself. “Unfortunate circumstances indeed.”

Oh well. The bandanna wasn’t too difficult to get ahold of. He could always get another one. Tango might even be willing to give him a spare if he told the Dungeon Master that it had glitched out of existence.  

Instead, he pulled out a Horn of the Goat. “I guess that makes this the second first exhibit in the Decked Out 2 tower. Come on baby, let’s go.”  He placed the artifake carefully in the item frame and smiled when it stayed in place. Perfect.

But when he turned around for another, the world vanished once more.

“Woooaah woah woah!” With a sickening heave, Cub felt himself plummet. He couldn’t tell he was falling since there wasn’t a ground or set of surroundings to see and gauge his movement. But he could feel the rush of his body through the negative y coordinates. He might have even fallen past bedrock level. Had he clipped through the world?

As suddenly as it had vanished, his surroundings began to rematerialize in chunks. With a blip, deepslate appeared all around and inside of him. There was an instance of agony as the stone filled his lungs and suffocated him before his velocity caught up with him and every bone shattered. 

Cubfan135 fell from a high place

Cub woke back up in his bed. “Oh man.” There went a perfectly good set of tools and armor. Thank goodness he had put down his shulker box before that happened. He wasn’t sure how he’d handle losing ALL of the artifakes instead of just one. 

Immediately the communicator on Cub’s hand started going off. The little screen flashed with white words streaming across at rapid speed. There were other death messages alongside his. 

XBCrafted fell off a ladder

GoodTimeWithScar fell from a high place

ImpulseSV fell from a high place

Grian fell from a high place

BdoubleO100 suffocated in a wall

The sight made him wince. That was a lot of death. The other hermits were frantically messaging each other about it. Understandably so. There were a lot of questions about lag. 

Cub typed in a quick message to Xisuma. “Does the server need to restart, X?” The message hung undisturbed on the screen for all of ten seconds before the rest of the hermits washed it away in a tide of text.

Tango: Is X even online? I haven’t seen him in forever…

GeminiTay: It shows he’s on the server.

XBCrafted: Could you let us know when it’s fixed, suma?

More and more hermits were responding. Cub checked the listings, and sure enough Xisuma’s communicator signaled that he was there. But the admin wasn’t answering the stream of questions flying through the chat log. 

Now that Cub thought about it, he hadn’t seen the man in a while either. He hadn't thought much about it. It was easy to assume X had been taking a break. They all got a little burnt out sometimes. Xisuma also had a tendency to throw himself into some pretty big projects, even by hermit standards. But here he was online. 

Xisuma was probably caught up in another big project. It could even be one big enough to have caused that hiccup. X was no stranger to making farms that crashed the server, after all. 

But Cub figured he should check on the admin. It wouldn’t hurt to visit an old friend. He wasn’t going to keep going with building when the world was so unstable anyway. So he went to his enderchest and pulled out a spare pair of elytra. The blue filigree wings were a little tattered from his Vex days, but they would do. He slipped on the pair and strapped himself in, only to launch himself off the nearest ledge. 

The wind tousled his hair as the elytra caught the air. For a brief moment of self-indulgence, he let gravity do its job. It felt good to soar through the skies at a gentle glide that carried him down the river through spawn. The best place to look for X would probably be at his mountain. If he was working on some sort of project, it would be there. But Cub wouldn’t make it that far on a simple glide. He smiled as he pulled out a handful of rockets. There were more than enough to get him to the farm district and back. He held his breath for a heartbeat and lit a fuse. The rocket went off with a pop, hauling him forward in a rush of speed that made him laugh with excitement. Even when the motion sent his stomach somersaulting at the sudden change in direction.

He was halfway to his destination when a familiar stutter crossed the world. The ground didn’t disappear this time, though. It was more like a feeling deep in Cub’s bones. That internal sense of “wrongness” that came over him whenever the world glitched.

He looked about him as he flew, but didn’t know what could have brought on the feeling. Nothing appeared to be wrong. Chunks were still loading in as he flew. The ground was intact below him, the clouds were in the sky, and there were even a few mobs below. 

With a shrug, he lit another rocket and let it carry him up along the sheer cliffs of X’s mountain. Cold breezes hit his cheeks as the snowy stone fell away under him-

He was back at the bottom of the mountain. He was back at the bottom of the mountain? Oh no he was back at the bottom of the mountain and it was coming up fast! In a panic, he shot off another rocket, which only launched him face-first into the cliffside with a sickening CRUNCH.

Cubfan135 experienced kinetic energy

Cub was back in his bed. “Darn it.” He sighed, realizing the lag had gotten him again. The communicator was going off with more messages from the other hermits, but he ignored it this time. There was only so much time before his stuff disappeared. So he grabbed himself ANOTHER set of wings and ANOTHER bundle of rockets and set off again. 

One quick pit stop to pick up his lost goods later, and he was back on track to seeing X. This time, he would give all structures a wider birth. The skull in the side of the mountain was a different matter. Rather than risk another long trek, Cub placed a bed just inside the skull’s teeth at the entrance to Xisuma’s mega-base. At least that way he wouldn’t have to come from his own base if the world decided to struggle again. 

“X,” he called, dropping down the chasm under the skull. “You in there X?” There was no reply, but that didn’t mean much. It was a pretty big base after all. There were a lot of places to go and hidden redstone rooms tucked out of sight. Cub started to wander through the halls, calling out to his friend. 

He hadn’t gotten far when he heard a muffled, “Would that be Cubfan I hear,” coming from behind a wall.

Cub smirked. “It would. Does that mean that’s an Xisuma I hear?”

“It is indeed. Come in. Come in. I’m just fixing some redstone.”

Cub took that as permission to break a hole through the wall. The pickaxe came out in a heartbeat, which he promptly used to knock a space into the deepslate tall enough for him to fit through. “Don’t mind if I do.”

Unsurprisingly, the space behind was filled with your typical redstone layouts. Lines of redstone connected smooth stone torch towers. The floor was dotted with raised platforms housing repeaters and comparators.

Xisuma was leaning heavily against one of those platforms. Lines lit up as he moved the torch of a repeater to adjust the delay. At the sound of the wall breaking, he turned to greet Cub. “Hey, man? What brings you down here?”

The sound of Xisuma’s voice made Cub pause. It sounded nasally. Almost like he was having difficulty breathing. “The world’s been acting up,” he eventually says. “People were worried that the server might need a restart. You didn’t seem to be responding. I wanted to check-in. See if there was anything we could do to help?”

X dropped the torch he was fiddling with and crossed his arms. “Ah, my apologies. I must not have seen.” He pulled out his communicator to check on the messages. 

As he moved, Cub noticed that X seemed a little sluggish. There was still the heaviness to his breathing, but just the act of pulling out the little electronic looked labored. “Oh my goodness. I didn’t think the technical issues would cause this sort of problem.”

“So you knew about it?”

“Well, yes, but-” X looked like he wanted to say more, but cut himself off with a bought of coughing. He hunched forward, grabbing the edge of a redstone tower for support. It sounded awful. Even Cub could hear the rattle in Xisuma’s chest as he practically coughed up a lung.

Before the coughing could settle, though, the world fazed out again. Blocks, walls, and floors vanished in an instant. Cub tried reaching out to grab onto some invisible object to keep from falling again, but luckily that didn’t happen this time around. The blocks were just invisible, not gone. Still, it was a relief when X managed to clear his lungs and reality flickered back into place around the two of them.

“You’re sick,” Cub said, deadpan.

“Ah. Yes, I suppose I am…”

He hadn’t even known admins could get sick. “Is that why the world is so messed up right now?”

“Well, there is a substantial link between an admin and their server…” His friend scratched sheepishly at the back of his neck. He was looking away, but now that Cub knew what to look for he could see the latent exhaustion in the little of X’s face that could be made out through his mask. The purple glass didn’t do much to hide the dark circles under the admin’s eyes. 

“Alright. Then that settles that. We’re going to get you nice and healthy again. Let’s go.”

“What? But there’s still so much left to do! I still have to finish this game-” 

Cub cut him off. “Evil X can take care of that if you need it done. You, sir, are going to get some bed rest.” X made an indignant snort but didn’t complain any further as Cub grabbed him by the wrist. He let himself be pulled from the back room out the makeshift doorway Cub had dug into the wall. “Now help me out here and point me in the direction of your bed,” Cub huffed, which got a chuckle out of the other man.

It took a bit of time, but X managed to talk him through finding his bed. “You, stay right there,” Cub said, pulling out a crafting bench and placing it on the floor nearby. “If you need anything, I’ll be right here for you. I can take care of you. The sooner you feel better, the better. Doctor Cub is on the case.”

Xisuma sniffed. “Now don’t you think you’re being a little over the top? It’s just a head cold. It will pass in no time.”

“‘Just a head cold’ got a bunch of people killed,” Cub pointed out, motioning toward X’s communicator.

“Point taken. But really, I don’t think there’s any need for you to blow it out of proportion. I betcha a nice warm meal and a good rest will be all it takes for me to feel right as rain.”

“Ah. Good idea. Let’s make you something to eat.” Nothing helped the metabolism like a nice warm bowl of soup. He even knew where to get some mushrooms. In no time at all he had a nice broth boiling over a crafting bench. 

“That does smell delicious,” Xisuma admitted.

Cub turned from the crafting bench with the wooden bowl cupped in both palms. “Here we are. A delicious bowl of mushroom stew.” Steam curled from the freshly made meal. Hopefully, that would hit the spot.  

“Thanks, Cub,” Xixuma said with a sniff. His eyes were soft and brimming with gratitude behind the mask as he reached for the bowl. “That looks delicious. I-” X cut himself off. Cub could see the man’s eyes narrow behind the purple glass. His whole body tensed up. Even his grip on the bowl. “I… I… I-” he threw his arms over his face. “ACHOOO!”

The force of the sneeze made the walls shake. The suddenness of it nearly made Cub jump out of his skin. “Geez, man. You scared me.” He rushed to the nearest chest in search of tissue paper. He flung open the cover of the chest, only to have it slam shut on him when he went to reach inside. “Huh.” That was a new one. So he tried to open again, but the lid clipped through his fingers and the chest was closed once more. It took two more tries before he finally managed to get inside. He grabbed the box from the bottom of the chest and tucked it under his arm before rushing back to X’s bed. “Here. Best if we kept these out for now… huh?”

Xisuma hadn’t moved since Cub had left him. And not in the sense that he hadn’t left the bed. Xisuma literally hadn’t moved a muscle. He was frozen in place, one arm still flung haphazardly in front of his face and shoulders hunched under the force of the sneeze. “X?” Xisuma still didn’t move. He didn’t even appear to be breathing.

Cub wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do in this situation. Tentatively, he approached his friend and reached out. When he touched X’s shoulder, everything in sight hitched. 

With a dizzying lurch, Cub found himself back on the other side of his bed. The box of tissues was no longer tucked away under his arm. Crash! Something wet splattered across the front of his coat. Viscous brown liquid dripped down his chest and sleeves. It took him a second to realize it was mushroom stew.

The wooden bowl that X had been holding a second ago now rolled across the floor. Xisuma was once more reanimated, pulling his arm away after the sneeze as time began to flow once more. Cub’s communicator instantly buzzed as the rest of the hermits’ realities caught up with them. 

GoodTimeWithScar fell from a high place

Keralis fell off scaffolding

Grian experienced kinetic energy

GeminiTay tried to swim in lava

Tango was poked to death by a sweet berry bush

Docm77 blew up

Stressmonster101 fell from a high place

The shear amount of death made Cub whistle. That was some awful lag. If the world did that every time the admin sneezed, they would be in for a long day.

“Uh, oh come on now,” X’s voice brought Cub’s attention back to the situation at hand. “Eugh. That's so gross.” X had his hands pressed against the side of the mask. His fingers reached around the edges, looking for the seams so he could take it off. The sneeze had left something awful splattered across the viewing window of Xixuma’s mask. It completely obscured the man’s eyes. The sight nearly made Cub gag.

“Just to be clear,” Cub said, making sure to look at anything other than Xisuma’s face. “When I said I would help you out, ‘mask cleaning’ was not included in the offer.”

[mxmallory]

Pearl is so cracked at Decked Out.

She's had at least 5 successful runs out of 6 this morning, based in the number of ArtiFakes in display.

She's got a solid deck to start making Hard runs into the Dungeon.