#decided to not use written accent for medic but tried to keep the aura of heavy’s

[lazywriter-artist]

Just a little thing I whipped up for @eftanz :3

Really hope this is what you meant 👁️👁️” and hope it kind of fulfills what you were looking for! It was really fun writing practice! Especially for characters I haven’t touched in a while =w=“

Hope I did good UwU!

Seabelts on

Tf2 writing practice || heavy medic

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Heavy felt this sort of lump form in his throat as he forced down his suitcase, closing it up as a deep sigh slipped from his lips. He let his head droop as he closed his eyes, taking in these final moments. Safe. On the ground. not in the air in a metal death tube…

He was flying with medic to Germany for a vacation, they’d been granted some down time and medic was ecstatic to show heavy around, the doctor had been rambling about all sorts of things he needed to show heavy and the foods he insisted heavy needed to try. Another exasperated sigh slipped from his lips.

‘You need to be strong misha’ he reminded himself as he gently tapped the suitcase ‘be strong for medic and for yourself.’ he frowned with a nod, he was right. His inner dialogue was interrupted as he heard medic calling for him. “heavy!! Are you ready yet?”

the familiar voice trilled, medic almost seemed to float as he practically skipped into the room. Misha took a sharp inhale to puff himself up, trying to seem more confident in the moment than he was.

“Archimedes is almost all set so we can head to the airport whenever-“ the doctor had started speaking before he looked up from the bird to misha, stopping as he blinked. “heavy? Is everything okay?” The doctor asked with a frown as he carefully approached his large companion, a gentle hand resting on his chest “you look pale..”

heavy felt his jaw practically lock in place, he felt his throat swell up and his gut twist into knots “da…da…heavy is just- ah- so excited for trip with doktor.” he weakly forced a smile to his anxious lips as he nodded, as if he didn’t fully believe the words himself. Medic wasn’t convinced, his hand gently ran over and down his arm. Gently holding heavy’s hand he hummed, seems he decided to not press any further. Phew.

“Ah, ja! I can’t wait to get there, heheh it’s been so long since I’ve been home and I can’t wait to share it with you!” the medic gushed as he carefully lifted heavy’s hand to his face, gently pressing against the large palm as he closed his eyes. Relishing in the contact he stood there, fingers interlocked with his companion. Misha felt this wave of relaxation wash over him as their fingers interlaced and he just got to stand there, Let his mind wander away from…the flight and he just got to be close to the man he adored most.

“Well. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be loading our things.” he finally stated, Misha felt that comfort melt away as he was hesitant to let medic’s hand go for a moment. His gaze and grip followed medic before the doctor slipped off, his hand falling back by his side. He’d think to himself for a moment, finally mustering the energy to grab his things and join the doctor

‘Be brave misha. Be brave’

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The noise of the airport buzzed in the large man’s ears, he hadn’t even noticed medic was calling his name and carefully shaking his arm as his leg was bouncing out of control.

“Huh?” he glanced now to medic, disoriented blinking as he looked down to the companion. Worriedly the doctor looked back up to him

“are you sure everything is okay, heavy? You’ve been more quiet than usual and you keep bouncing your leg…” he worriedly looked down to misha’s still bouncing leg and back up to his face, gently squeezing his hand “you know you can tell me if something’s wrong, right?”

heavy felt his words catch in his throat as he forced his leg very quickly to stop “ah da, heavy is fine. Just can’t-“ the words caught again as he choked them out “can’t wait to— Ergh get in the plane.” he forced a smile, this time it seemed to be much more obvious as medic frowned in return

“Heavy-“ he began but was cut off as their flight was paged, oh dear. Finally. It was here. Medic looked back about to part his lips to speak but Misha was already up, grabbing their suitcases and he made his way to the terminal. Medic begrudgingly grabbed archimedes cage and following.

it felt like…a walk of shame almost. Despite being no where near the plane he could he the roar of its engine, the loud hissing snarl of that metal beast, made him want to recoil and rush back in fear. he could almost see the threatening blades whipping around and swooping past with each turn. It made his gut churn, made his knees feel weak and the bags he had no problem carrying before now felt like 10 ton weights. It didn’t even come close to the horror he felt at the image of being up in the air, oh god…the sounds of creaks and groans as the metal tube pushed forward and leapt for the skies. Hundreds of feet up into the air- and the horrid thought of wind filling the cabin- he could hear the screams as the gravity forced him back into his seat and as they hurtled to THE GROUND GOING FASTER AND FASTER AND FASTER UNTIL—

He leaned against the wall, gripping his chest as cold sweat ran down his brow, medic close to his side looking on in fear “heavy! You almost fell over! You need to tell me what’s wrong” he pleaded as the doctor stayed close to heavy, whom was barely upright from his knees buckling under him. He hesitated and fought with himself. It felt stupid. So very very dumb that someone like himself, who had fought so hard and so long, who had seen the horrors of war and conflict so long, and done his work as a mercenary even longer to be afraid of- something so trivial.

But he had to do it.

“Heavy is…heavy he- he is afraid of aeroplane..” his head sunk in defeat, half expecting medic to laugh. To think it was a joke, or to tease him for it, but it never came. Instead he felt his face being pulled to look to medic, his lip quivered some in defeat as he stared back at his partner, those familiar eyes accentuated by the thick glasses frames with understanding and worry and- and compassion swirling in them

“Oh heavy…it is okay to be afraid. Flying is a very scary thing.” he sighed as he gently pressed his forehead against heavy’s “but it will be okay, you know why? We are in this together. Always and always” he crooned with a smile as he pulled back

“How about this? I will take the window seat, that way you don’t have to look while we fly, and I will hold your hand the whole time?” He smiled to his companion, not removing his hand from the larger figure’s cheek. Misha smiled, if it hadn’t been for the location he might of even let a tear slip as his hand rose up and pressed medic’s palm firmly against his face

“Da. Heavy would like that.” He said at last as medic smiled wide and cupped both of heavy’s hands in his. Overjoyed he could help ease the stress, even if only a little

“Here! I’ll show you this little trick, you tap the outside of the plane as good luck! A little ‘we will land safe’ sort of thing and to remind you it is a solid piece of equipment.” Chirped the medic as he held tightly to Misah’s hand as they made their way to the gate, carefully boarding. Heavy felt a sense of pride well in his chest as he watched medic gently tap the outside of the plane, his own hand followed, he felt overjoyed as medic condemned his bravery as they took their seats. His fingers carefully interlocked with medic’s as they settled in for the flight, a deep breath as he closed his eyes. Head resting back.

Suddenly flying…didn’t feel so scary.

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[lillywillow]

Curses!

Summary: You have been having the worst week of your life. Sam tries to help you.

 Word Count: 1265

 Square Filled: “Need a medic?”

 Pairings: Sam Wilson x Reader

 Warnings: A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week

Written for @star-spangled-bingo

 You had never been the type to believe in superstitions. Often you had shrugged it off as a joke or coincidence when bad things happened. This week, however, has you thinking differently.

...

It started on Monday. Like any other morning, you poured your cereal into your bowl only to find out someone had eaten it, leaving just a few crumbs behind. To add insult to injury, the milk had been left in the fridge so long, it was now pretty much cottage cheese. You had tried searching for something else for breakfast but nobody in the tower had bothered going shopping for groceries. Now thoroughly annoyed, you decided to skip breakfast altogether.

 And that was only the beginning of the week.

 The rest of the week was a series of accidents and unfortunate incidents. At lunch one day, you somehow managed to bite your hand eating a sandwich. On a minor mission, an insect flew down the collar of your shirt and stung your back in a place you couldn’t reach. Someone ate the last of your leftovers that you were really looking forward to at the end of the day. One time drinking hot coffee, you tipped the beverage down your front. A chair broke as you sat on it. You even choked while drinking water.

 The hits.

 Just.

 Continued.

 Coming.

 The final straw happened on Thursday. You were walking into the living room when you kicked your little toe hard against the doorway. Letting out an unholy screech and a string of swearwords, you fell to the ground clutching your foot.

 “Need a medic?” Sam smirked, looking down at you.

 “At this point, I think I need an exorcist...”

 “Yeah, I noticed. I thought for sure that scream was the demon escaping...”

 Unable to hold it in anymore, you burst into tears.

 “Hey, hey, hey, now... I was only joking. I’m sorry...” Sam knelt down and pulled you into his arms and rocked softly with you to comfort you.

 “It’s not your fault, Sam. This week has just been the worst... Everything has just been going wrong... yesterday I left my door open, Alpine wandered in and peed in my shoe which I didn’t notice until I put it on and... You know I’m not the superstitions type but this week...” You started crying again.

 Sam held you close and comforted you until you had settled down. It was times like this you were glad to have such a caring boyfriend.

 “Do you want to sit on the couch and watch movies?”

 “Y-yeah,” you whimpered.

 “Yeah? Okay...” Sam helped you get to the couch, taking care not to touch to injured toe which had already blossomed into a massive bruise.

 Sam gently set you down on the couch and put your foot up on the coffee table to keep it elevated. Afterwards, he put the movie on for you, wrapped you up in a blanket and got ice for your damaged appendage. Throughout the movie, Sam fed you snacks and made sure you had something to drink. While you may have been a full grown adult and capable of taking care of yourself (although this week had made you question that last part) it still felt nice to be taken care of. The rest of the day went without incident.

...

 The following day, you absolutely refused to come out of your room, lest something else bad happen to you. Sam knocked on your door.

 “Come on out, Y/N...”

 “No! I’m never coming out again until this stupid week is over!” you whined.

 “I made an appointment with a physic...”

 “You know I don’t believe in that mumbo jumbo...”

 Just then, a shelf on your wall decided it was time to collapse. Taking this as a sign, you opened the door.

 “Let’s go see the physic...” you mumbled with all the attitude of a sulking child. Sam grinned and put his arm around you, helping you to walk as you were still limping due to the severity of the hit to your little toe.

...

 The place Sam brought you to was something out of a movie. There were glass jars filled with mysterious objects lining the shelves and bundles of dried herbs hanging around. The smell of patchouli filled the air. Crystals of various shapes, sizes and colours sparkled in the light. You were about to walk out when a woman emerged from behind the maroon velvet curtains. She wore a purple bandana on her head, many bangles on her wrists and hoop earrings. The woman certainly fit the stereotype of a physic.

 “Welcome to my shop. I am the great Madame Nobunaga. With what can I help you with today?” she spoke in an exotic European accent.

 “Sam, this is stupid,” you whispered.

 “Do you want to get rid of your bad luck or not?”

 You carefully pondered your options before deciding that you did not want to suffer another day with something else going wrong.

 “Hi, um... this week, I’ve had some really bad luck and...”

 “Ah, yes, yes, my child. I can see your aura is a mess. Come with me in the back room and we shall do a cleansing...”

 You gave Sam an unsure look but with his approving nod, you followed Madame Nobunaga into the back where a small table covered by a midnight blue cloth had been set up. You sat on one of the cushions provided.

 “Now... let us begin. Close your eyes... breathe in the positivity, breathe out the negativity...”

 You closed your eyes and breathed as she told you while she pottered around, muttering and humming.

 “You are not focussing. Try to focus on the positive things in your life.”

 Positive things. Right. What was positive about your life? Sam. Sam was a big positive. The way he would comfort you, protect you, be there for you no matter what. Yes, Sam was the love of your life. That was a big positive. What else was there? Your friends, you guessed. The way they would make you laugh and support you... and there was Alpine too. Although Bucky’s cat could be a pain in the butt with the way... no, no, no, don’t go there. That was negative. Focus on the positive...

 By the end of the session, you were surprisingly feeling a lot more relaxed.

 “Would you like to buy a protective charm to keep away the negative energy?” Madame Nobunaga asked.

 “Couldn’t hurt,” Sam shrugged.

 With a sigh, you purchased the charm to put by your bed (even though you felt like it was a bit of a rip-off), paid the woman for her services and left.

 “See? That wasn’t so bad was it?”

 “Yeah, well... we’ll see...” you grumbled.

...

 Over the next few days, you began to actually began to see improvements. Sam helped you fix your shelf, and nothing that was sitting on it was damaged. Bucky was nice enough to buy you a new pair of shoes to replace the one his cat had soiled. Tony had taken you all out to dinner at a nice restaurant and paid for everyone. Fury had given you and Sam a whole week off together. Things were finally looking up again.

 Although you still weren’t sure how real some superstitions were, you would never again doubt the power of luck.

[soheila-1996]

My story- Part Thirteen

I have epilepsy. This details my seizures, I can’t speak for everyone, everyone’s seizures/ experiences are different. This is graphic. Seizures are messy. They aren’t fun and it felt wrong to make it out to be cute when they really aren’t.   Pretty much all the things that happen in the plot have happened to me. Well, I’m not married to a king or live in a palace so…there’s that but everything else is accurate.  There may be some jokes about it here because I do joke about it sometimes. It makes me more comfortable and I find it helps relax everyone around me. I’m also writing about it because there really aren’t that many fics written about it and I think it’s important to shine light on it.

Any feedback is really appreciated! :)

Tags: @kacie-0156 @texaskitten30, @cordonianroyalty, @kingliam2019 , @cordonia-gothqueen,   @bobasheebaby @losingbraincellseveryday  @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @jared2612 @flutistbyday2020 @debramcg1106 @anotherbeingsworld @leaharhys @cordoniaqueensworld @bascmve01

Paring: Liam and Riley

Warnings: SUICIDE ATTEMPT, mention of miscarriage. 

Word count: 5,316 

Catch up here

This one again is super personal to me. They all are personal in one way or another but this one and the one about my miscarriage are extremely personal.

I really debated writing this in but writing is such an amazing outlet. I was in such a dark place when I lost the baby last year and I didn’t see a way out so I did things that I’m not proud of. I tried to take my own life and now i’m so beyond happy that my attempt was unsuccessful, however, everything has just gone really wrong over the last few weeks and I’ve just started feeling really down again. Writing about my feelings is kind of helping me get out of this funk.  

(Riley’s POV)

It’s now the next morning since I arrived back from the hospital. Liam, my parents and my brother had tried to get me to come out of my room but I was being a rebellious teenager and refused to open the door. I think Liam has slept in the spare room.  We live in a literal palace so there’s plenty of space for him to stay.  I don’t think any of them can understand how I’m feeling. I know that everyone has days when they feel down and a little depressed but I feel like this all the time. I’m numb. I go through my day like a robot. Physically I’m here but mentally I’m a million miles away. I just don’t feel anything anymore. 

Everyday just blends in together until it makes no sense anymore. I feel like I’m going crazy. My memory has just gone; I don't even remember what I had for breakfast...If I had breakfast at all that is. I hate this so much. 

I’ve taken my medication for the first time in a while earlier this morning after  a heated debate with my parents. I struggle to see how any of them think that taking a few pills is going to do anything. It should stop the seizures but it’s not going to change how I feel. 

I feel suffocated. I don’t need to be treated like I’m a baby. I’m just...I’m tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally, I’m just so exhausted all the time. I am sick of faking being happy; it doesn't work. 

Losing the baby was just my breaking point and I’m not sure there’s any coming back from it. I don’t want to come back from it. Why would I want to carry on knowing that the rest of my life will be spent in fear of a seizure, that I might not be able to give my husband the one thing he wants more than anything, or with the possibility that I’ll get out of this hole and in a short while end up back here again? 

I just want it to stop. 

“Why do you keep looking at me?” I ask, bitterly. I’m sitting on the couch in silence with the rest of my family. I can feel Josh’s eyes on me. I turn to look at him as he averts his gaze.  “If you’ve got something to say, just say it.”

“Just talk to us, Ri,” my brother encouraged. 

“About? I told you last night all you need to know. I’ve fucked everything up,” I say, raising my voice as I stand up. 

“No, you haven't,” Josh insists. 

I shake my head and let out a frustrated groan. When are they going to understand that telling me that everything is fine, that I didn’t fuck up isn't helping? It goes in one ear and out the other. I look back to Josh. “Why are you here, Josh? Who invited you?”  

This isn't me. I’m not mean. I’m not like this. I love my brother, growing up he was my best friend but I just don’t care anymore. 

“I don’t need my big brother to come and save the day. I’m an adult!” I yell. I’m so easily agitated. Maybe that’s down to the lack of sleep...I don’t know. “And you!” I yell as I turn my full attention to my husband. “You only care because it makes you look like a good person, doesn't it? Lovely, kind Liam married the girl with a disability!” 

He looks stunned...maybe a little hurt even. Liam opens his mouth to speak but obviously decides against it.  “H-how can you say that?” 

“Because it’s true,” I shrug. Nobody says anything to object and in my head they’re just confirming it. It wouldn’t be the first time somebody has used me and my disorder to make themselves look like a better person. 

Liam gets to his feet and attempts to step towards me. I hold up a hand to stop him. “Just leave me alone,” I command. 

I move past him, grab my phone off the coffee table then I leave the apartment. I need to just be away from everyone. 

I need some space. 

**

Jacob and I have been getting particularly closer over the last few weeks. He had visited me a couple times while in the hospital and had been coming over after school. I’m still not back but my parents have agreed to let Jacob, Luna and a couple of my other friends come over. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love my siblings and parents but I’m starting to get a little sick of being stuck with them all day. The house has currently been chaotic- Josh is moving out, he’s been saying this for a couple years though, to be fair he had actually moved out with  his girlfriend but they had broken up. It was rather tragic actually. He really loved it. Casey is also about to move out and to Boston apparently.  

Jacob and I  are snuggled up on the couch, blanket draped over our legs, despite the fact it’s the middle of the summer in NYC. Although I’ve got the AC on high enough that at least we’re not dripping with sweat as we cuddle. 

Sitting inside is not the ideal thing to do on such a beautiful day however, sometimes, much like now the heat has been known to cause more seizures. I don’t mind sitting inside though; I’m not really a fan of the sun, I burn really easily. That might possible be now to me being a ginger- the sun hates me. 

Jacob is just amazing. Since he found out about my epilepsy he has been amazing. He makes sure that I’m on my side and helps me wake up when the seizure ends. Obviously, epilepsy is a big thing to deal with when you actually have it but it’s also a big thing for the people are you too but Jacob doesn’t seem bothered by it or is overly worried. It’s nice and refreshing to have somebody who isn’t constantly worried, however, we haven't really discussed it so he doesn’t know much about it. 

We spend a little while longer watching celebrity masterchef- Jacob is from the UK and had introduced me to the show a little while ago as we talk about what it's like back in England. It’s nice learning about where he’s from. He’s lived in the  States for a few years now but still has a very, very British accent. 

“What triggers them?” Jacob asks, breaking the comfortable silence between us both. I look up to him with a raised eyebrow. “Your seizures. What triggers them?” 

I clear my throat, thinking about what I'm going to say before I speak normally makes me stutter a little less. “Q-quite a few t-things. N-not taking m-my medication, sleep d-d-deprivation, s-stress,  if I get t-too overwhelmed can t-trigger them, if I d-don't eat can  s-sometimes cause them or  if I get t-too hot.” I explain, internally cringing at how much I just stuttered.  Speech therapy it helping, it’s not as bad as it used to be but it’s nowhere near back to how it was before. He nods. “W-When I-I was younger hot showers sometimes triggered them or caused an aura,” I add, “I-it doesn't really happen anymore. I-i-It’s a m-minefield s-s-sometimes.” 

“Aura?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” I nod, “N-not like a-a s-s-spiritual one. It's what t-t-the feeling you get before a s-s-seizure is c-called.” 

“And you get that every time you’re about to have a seizure?” 

“M-m-most of the time. Occasionally they just k-kinda happen but n-n-normally before a grand mal s-seizure I will. W-when I have absences they just happen b-but they’re m-much e-easier t-to recover from. They happen a-and then i-I’m fine s-straight away,” I explain. 

“Absence?” he asks. It dawns on me that he really doesn't know much about my seizures or seizures in general other than the basic first aid while it’s actually happening. 

I turn around to face him and bring my legs under me. I take some time to think about my sentence before I speak. “Yeah, there’s different types of s-s-seizures,” I tell him, “Grand  m-mal s-seizures are the m-most r-recognisable s-seizure; it’s the m-most c-c-common one people think about but then there’s a few others. I have absence seizures which is when I kinda just s-stare off into space for a couple s-seconds. I’ve also had a couple m-m-myoclonic seizures too.” 

“What’s that?” 

“It n-normally happens in n-both arms but not always, your m-mouth can twitch and your jaw can jerk. It can happen to the head and neck too but the person is fully aware of what’s happening. They’re really scary- all types of seizures are.” 

We talked for a little while longer about my epilepsy and eventually changed the subject to something a little happier. I was engrossed in our conversation when my stomach rolled. 

Not now. 

I took in a deep breath as I tried to get rid of the nausea. It doesn’t go away and my arm starts to tingle. “J-Jake, i-it might happen again,” I told him, panicked- this never gets easier. 

He peeled his gaze off the tv and turned to me. “Ri, you had one this morning. Are you sure this is okay?” He asks me with concern. 

It’s true I had one this morning but unfortunately my brain doesn’t really care about if I've already had one today. I’ve learned that it’s going to do whatever it wants and that I have no say in it. 

Jacob helps me off the couch and onto the floor. This one is coming on really, really quickly. I don’t remember anything anymore; nothing makes sense. Basically, as soon as I’m laying down on the floor I’m consumed by blackness. 

**

I’m now outside after storming off. Taking a walk through the palace grounds often helps me to clear my head. I’m head to the garden maze- that’s my favourite place. The place I can go to and just clear my head and attempt to make sense of everything. 

 Everything is a mess. Why can’t I just open up to people? Why can’t I be honest with people about how I’m feeling?  There’s thick dark grey clouds looming over me. It’s going to rain. Great. Even the weather seems to be in sync to how I’m feeling. 

I want to be able to open up. I want to stop feeling like this but do I deserve to feel better? I don’t think I do. 

Ben constantly made me feel like shit and so did all his friends. My teenage years especially were made up of people telling me that I’m worthless or should’ve died and now it’s made up of having everything that I want so incredibly badly taken away from me. 

Is there any point to any of this anymore? I can’t seem to find one. 

Josh, my mom and dad, Liam, my friends all ask me if i’m okay and I say i’m fine. It’s a habit. I tell them that I’m okay while I’m screaming on the inside that I’m not; praying that they’ll continue to push me enough so I finally break and tell them...but they don’t. They think giving me space and time is helping me but while I’m alone I just dig myself a deeper hole; one that I’m never going to be able to escape from.   

Every time they leave me alone it's like they’re putting me back into a cell, all by myself, alone with these crippling thoughts. My mind is a prison and I’m never getting out.

I continue to walk for a little while longer. It’s cold and I can feel the rain lightly starting to fall but I don’t want to go back. Not yet. 

I can feel the salty tears streaming down my cheeks but I don’t wipe them away. What’s the point? They’ll just soon be replaced with more. 

My family, my friends, my husband...they hate me don’t they? I snapped at Josh, at Liam...I- I suddenly come to a halt when my stomach rolls and I feel that all too familiar feeling again. 

My arm is beginning to tingle, everything is growing more and more confusing. The one thing I know is that I want my husband. I want Liam. 

Why was I so mean to him? He was only trying to help. 

He’s going to be even more angry at me after this. I can’t tell him; he’ll be mad. I think for a second. There’s one other person that won’t be mad at me... 

Casey- my doctor sister. 

I retrieved my phone from my back pocket, nearly dropping it onto the floor in the process. I clumsily find her contact and type out a barely coherent text. 

Me: Im goins to hsve a seizure  

Even auto-correct can’t help me. The device in my hand makes a sound just seconds later as a reply comes in. 

Casey: Like right now?

My vision is starting to blur and I know longer know how to respond to my sister. Nothing makes sense. 

The device starts to vibrate and sound comes from it too. I fumble with it and manage to answer.

“Hello?” I asked, my voice slurred. I try to hold the device to my ear but coordination is not something I possess right now so it rests on my cheek. I’m sure this isn’t right.

“Ri?” My sister’s concerned voice sounded through the device, “Where are you?” 

“I..” 

“Where’s Liam, Ri? What’s going on?” She sounds serious. 

“He doesn’t w-want t-to,” I stutter. I can feel the tears starting to prick at my eyes.

“He’s mad,” I slur. 

“Where are you?”

“O-outside,” I stutter. 

“Can you lay down on your side for me?” She directs me gently. I comply and lower myself down onto the wet grass and lay on my side. I can feel something hitting me...like rain. 

“He’s mad,” I whisper. That’s all I know; Liam’s mad at me and won’t want to help me. 

“He still wants to help you,” She told me but I don’t believe her. “Riley, I need you to stay on your side for me, okay? I’m going to call Liam.” I think she’s hung up I can’t hear her anymore. 

I close my eyes; feeling my body be covered in goosebumps  as the freezing cold rain hammers down. “H-He’s m-m-mad at m-me.” That’s the last thought I have, the last thing I can say before the world goes black.

(Drake's POV)

I’m out on my morning run on the way back to the palace now. Rain has started to pour and the crisp air has started to sting at my exposed arms, legs and face. 

I’m jogging along the path on the way back to the palace when I notice somebody laying on the grass. I slow down a little and change direction to head over. 

As I get closer  I realise that it’s Riley so pick up my jog. I finally reach her and kneel down beside her. I lean over her slightly to look at her face, her eyes are closed and a little blood is pooling out of her mouth.  Without thinking, I wipe it away and onto my black shorts. I then brush hair away from her face. My hand brushes against her skin- she’s freezing. Based on the fact that the blood is still wet I concluded that the seizure must’ve stopped really recently so I lift her up into my arms and head back inside. 

As I enter the palace, I see Liam walking down the grand staircase. I see tell by the expression he’s got on his face that’s her scared and panicked. He visibly relaxes when he see’s us. Liam hurries down the rest of the steps and over to us. 

“Is she okay?” Liam asked, his voice wavers ever so slightly. 

I don’t really know the answer to that question though. I mean, I’m only guessing she had a seizure based on how I found her. I shrug, “I-I just found her outside and- “ 

“Her sister just called me,” Liam told me, “Casey said that Riley thought she’s going to have a seizure.” Liam held out his arms to me and I gently place Riley in his arms. “She’s freezing.” 

We head away from any prying eyes of any of the staff into a nearby drawing room. Liam gently places her down on the floor on her side and takes a blanket off the couch and lays it over her. He then kneels down beside her and slips her jacket, tossing it carelessly to the side. He then slips off her soaking wet shoes and socks, discarding of them in the same way. 

“Where was she?” Liam asked as I perched on couch. 

“Near the entrance to the maze.” Liam nods and I can sense there’s something going on. Is that any of my business though? Probably not but I can see that whatever is happening, what ever happened is starting to take a toll on him. 

He looks like he hasn’t slept. I can see that he’s been crying but his red-rimmed eyes. I’ve never seen him look so..broken before. 

“What’s going on, Li?” 

I’ve never seen him life this and this has me feeling a little panicky. Liam clear wants to cry, his eyes are welling up to the brim but he’s holding it in. He doesn’t take his gaze off of her as he continues running his fingers through her damp hair. 

“She called Casey because,” Liam pauses, his voice cracking, “Because she was afraid to tell me, that I would be mad,” He told me, avoiding my question.

“You know she’s not herself when she’s like this.” I try to reason, “She was just confused, Li.” 

Liam doesn’t say anything and I can take the hint that he doesn’t want to talk about it. Riley’s actions have hurt him- that much is obvious. 

 It’s a couple minutes later when Riley’s eyes start to flutter. I get to my feet and clear my throat to get my friends attention. 

“I’ll leave you guys to it.” Liam gives me an appreciative nod as I take my leave. 

(Riley’s POV) 

The first thing I notice is the feeling of cold, wet clothes clinging to my body. Goosebumps spread across my skin. I open my eyes fully and notice a hand laying in front of me.

... Where am I? 

I soon realise that the hand is mine as i lift a finger. It’s almost like I’m underwater, my hearing is muffled but I can just about hear something....maybe someone....shifting on the floor next to me? 

..What’s happening? 

I can feel myself beginning to panic. My heart is pounding. Everything seems loud. Why? It’s almost like it’s reverberating as a wall of sound hits my ears. It takes me some time to realise that the only sound other than my breathing and heart beat is a voice? It’s saying words that I don’t understand in my confusion. They’re speaking a language that makes no sense to me right now.

I soon realise that the hand is mine as i lift a finger. It’s almost like I’m underwater, my hearing is muffled but I can just about hear something....maybe someone....shifting on the floor next to me? 

I make my best effort to move away but I barely shift an inch. I’m really trying to escape but I can’t. Why can’t I move? A helpless, scared cry escapes my mouth. I feel terrified as I see the figure move in front of me. 

As they shift into my line of vision, their features become clear and the words they’re speaking, the strange language becomes less jumbled and more coherent. 

“Love, love come on it’s alright. It’s over now, love. I’m here.”  I realise that I know how that voice belongs to. That face. 

There’s something about it that feels familiar, safe even. I look up at him, a strand on dirty blonde hair falls over his face that he soon pushes away. “Hey, Riley,” he says, gently. I can see his mouth moving but I’m still not sure who the man is. “It’s Liam.” 

Liam- that name….I know that name I realise. 

Liam. 

I exhale and relax into the hard floor beneath me. He seems to notice my more relax body language and shifts closer to me. 

“You had a seizure,” he explains to me. I wrinkle my eyebrows in confusion, the last thing I remember was walking outside. h-how did I end up in here? “Drake brought you inside. It was raining and you were freezing.”

I nod and with his help, I manage to sit myself up. I wipe my mouth, it comes away with a red substance on the back. I’m still a little out of it and I don’t realise that it’s blood. 

Everything begins to come back to me- I snapped at Liam. He’s angry at me, he’s upset with me. I accused him of something I know that he’d never do. I look up at him but I can’t read him. He’s angry. 

 He’s so mad. 

My eyes begin to well up. It’s made such a mess out of everything, he’s mad at me, he doesn't love me anymore, he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I shift away from him and he looks almost surprised. Is that worry flashing across his face? 

No, no, it can’t be. He’s mad. 

“You’re okay, Love,” He tells me.  He tries to reach out to me to pull me back over but I continue to shift away, I nearly topple over- I still don’t have full control over everything just yet “You’re okay, Riley,” he tries again, “Everything’s okay.” 

It’s not. Nothing is okay. Nothing is ever going to be okay. I’ve made such a colossal mess of everything.  

I shake my head at him as tear slips down my cheek. Liam instinctively reaches out to try and brush it away but I move away from him. 

I look away from him to take in my surroundings. I looked down realising I’m now missing my jacket, shoes and socks and a blanket is down draped over me. I think back to what Liam had said as some of the puzzle pieces slot back into place. It was raining...I remember that. At least now I under why my clothes are soaking wet. 

“Ri,” Liam calls, moving closer to me. I scoot away from him once again. His face falls and I’m pretty sure I can now see his eyes starting to well up. “Please.” He sounds defeated. He sounds scared and upset and that’s all my fault. 

I look up at him to see some tears trickle down his face. I want to cry to but why should I be allowed to feel upset? I caused this. This is my doing. I’ve wrecked everything single-handedly. 

This is the first time that I’ve really looked at me. There’s big bags under both his eyes, his hair is unkempt, he even looks as if he’s lost a little weight, there’s stubble on his usually clean shaven face. 

I’ve broken him. I’ve broken the man that I’m supposed to love and protect. 

** It’s a couple hours later. It’s night now and  I’ve been tossing and turning in this bed for what seems like hours. Liam and i had both returned to our quarter after that incident. I had headed to bed and had fallen asleep soon after only to wake a short time later and had spent the rest of the day laying in bed staring at the ceiling. I must’ve fallen back into my slumber at some point  because I woke back up to find myself wrapped in my husbands arms and him sleeping soundly beside me. That all happens hours earlier though and i still haven’t been able to drift back off enough then I’m exhausted. 

 It’s hard to remember a time when I didn't feel utterly useless and hopeless. It amazes me how I’ve somehow managed to convince people that I’m okay for years.  How  I’ve some how managed to convince my family and friends that I’m okay with a fake smile when they are the people who are supposed to know me better than anyone; the people who are supposed to call me out on my bullshit. 

Liam is sleeping beside me so I quietly got out of the end and headed down the hall to our home study. I close the door half way and I switch on the desk lamp that sits on the corner of the desk. I plop down into the seat behind the desk and open the notebook sitting in the middle and pick up a pen out of the pit. 

Dear Liam, 

First things first, this isn't your fault. I need you to know that. I know that you’ll blame yourself but I don’t want you to.

 I’m not really sure what to say or how to explain this to you. 

Everything is just so hard. Most of the time, I’m able to handle it and keep going with my life without my daily routine  being affected too much but not anymore. I’m stuck in possibly the worst depressive episode that I’ve ever been in and I just don’t see a way out, Li. 

I know that I should just talk to you but when I try there’s a voice at the back of my mind screaming at me that I’m nothing but a burden to you, my parents, our friends.  I’m not sure when I started feeling like this. At some point everything started to feel pointless, I'm just not sure when.

You’ve made me so happy, Liam. I love you. I love that since you found out about my epilepsy you haven’t treated me like a kid or let it define our relationship. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, I’m sorry that I scare you every time it happens. I’m sorry that I lost our baby. I’m sorry that I’ve shut down and pushed you away since it happened.  I’m sorry that I’m not the woman that you married or at least I don’t feel like her anymore. 

There’s not one reason why I’m doing this. There isn't a clear explanation. So many things have contributed to this but none of them are your fault. If I were to try and explain this feeling to you or my parents or anyone; you’d all say something along  the lines of ‘it’ll get better’ ‘this is a long term solution for a short term problem’ or  ‘ You’ve still got your entire life ahead of you’- the problem is that I don’t want it. There’s nothing more to it. I just don’t want to be here anymore. It's all just too hard. 

I’m sorry; I know this will hurt you for a short while but you’ll move on. You’ll be okay. You’ll be amazing. I promise. I know I have no right to ask anything of you right now but...be happy.  That’s all I  want. 

I love you. 

Goodbye, Liam . 

I place down the pen and look down at my letter. There’s a couple tears stains on it now but none of the words have been smudged. 

I carefully tear out the page from the notebook and get to my feet. I quietly pad down that hall to our bedroom; Liam is thankfully still asleep. I stay in the doorway for a few minutes watching him sleep. In a short few hours he’ll wake up and I’ll be gone. 

I place the note down on my bedside table then enter the bathroom that’s conjoined to our bedroom. I quietly closed the door and headed over the sink counter top. 

I sniffle and wipe at both my nose and eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie. I look at my reflection; I look dead already. I don’t look like me...like a human. I don’t recognise myself at all anymore. 

I glance away from the mirror and caught sight of the little muti-coloured pill containers just in front of me. It’s like it's screaming out my name, telling me to just down them all and it’ll be over. Take the pills and not wake back up. There’s not a doubt in my mind; I just want it all to stop. I can’t do this anymore- I don't want to. I can’t. 

If I do it, Liam will be happy that he won’t have to worry about me anymore. No one will have to spend time and energy worrying about me anymore. 

I picked up the container and popped open each little compartment and tipped them into my hand. A couple of them roll out of my hand on fall to the floor but there’s enough in my hand to do the job already. 

I placed them into my mouth and swallowed them dry. I cough as they nearly get stuck going down my throat. I’m not sure how I feel right now. It’s an indescribable feeling that I can’t quite explain. 

I know that It’ll soon be over, I thought I would feel relief but I...I’m scared. I still feel relief because I know that this’ll all be over soon but I’m not so sure that this was the best decision. 

I feel regret for a brief moment before I remember why I’m doing this and that feeling ebbs away. This is right decision- I’m positive.

It’s a couple minutes later when  I’m startled when I hear someone knocking on the door. I freeze and turn to slowly look at it. 

“Riley? Honey, open the door.” That’s my mom. Why does she want? How does she even know it’s me. “Ri, you’ve been in here a long time. Please open the door, so I know you’re okay. Please?” 

I forgot she was an night owl- she must’ve been in the living room or something and saw me come in here. 

“I- I’m a little busy right now,” I called back. I just hope she’ll buy that and leave me alone. She doesn't need to see this. 

Shit- I forget someone will come in here when it’s over and find me. I hadn’t thought of that. 

I hear a brief commotion… more voices….more people are outside. Someone bangs on the door. “Riley, open the door.” 

That’s Liam. Shit. 

I catch sight of my reflection in the mirror. My skin is pale and beads of sweat are now forming on my forehead. 

I don’t feel so good. 

I wave my hands in front face to try and cool myself down. I’m so hot.

“Ri, It’s dad, open the door,” My dad pleads, “Honey, please open the door.” 

I think someone just rammed into the door. It happens again and the door flies open, the frame splintering. Liam is the first person I see...kind of , my vision is starting to blur. I sway back and forth, I feel so out of it.  

“What did you do?!” my dad yells. Somebody is holding me up, I can feel someones arms wrapped around my waist. I think it’s Liam. 

I’m dizzy. 

 I hear my mom let out a sob. “Riley!” 

The voices around me, the terrified screams of my family don’t register. I stumble back into my husband’s chest. My knees buckle and I’m vaguely aware of being lowered down onto the floor. 

I’m barely aware of what’s going on around me, the flurry of people, nothing makes any sense. All I know is that I don’t feel good and I’m scared. 

I’m trying to pay attention to what’s happening but I’m tired. I’m so tired and sleep is calling my name. My eyes flutter shut and I’m consumed by darkness.