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mxtantrights · 4 years ago

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˚ · · . · ✵ ✷PART TWENTY-EIGHT

word count: 2.7k!

Warnings: jessie gets high but it’s not detailed, just the after part. ALSO FLUFF

HAWKINS, INDIANA

DECEMBER 26, 1984

I watched as all the kids sat around the game table and exchanged gifts. It was the day after Christmas- friendsmas as I'm dubbing it- and we were all held up in Mike's basement. I know they wanted to see each other all on actual Christmas day but their schedules and families wouldn't allow it. So I called everyone up this morning and arranged this.

They all thanked me with a hug when I got here with Mickey and Dayton.

Speaking of which,

I find Dayton sitting on the couch fiddling with his hands. He's been back for about two weeks now and we haven't talked much about the elephant in the room.

I take a seat next to him and smooth down my skirt. "Why are you fiddling with your hands so awkwardly?"

He stops and looks to me. "I feel like I left you here and I let you down."

"You didn't. You did the best you could do for someone who was in a different time zone. Trust me." I clap his shoulder hard- like really hard, he hates it when I do that. And he winces. "You raised me right."

"Ha-ha."

Theres footsteps coming down the steps and quickly at the bottom is Steve. He waves to the both of us before saying his greetings to the kids. Dustin and him are up to some new handshake and I think if they don't find one soon we'll all be in trouble.

After that he finds his way on the couch next to me and my brother.

"I think we met last year at the fourth of July party. Steve right?" My brother asks Steve so un-smoothly. Did he really think I didn't know that he had Steve look over me while he was gone? He even holds his hand out for Steve to shake.

Steve awkwardly laughs. "Yeah Dayton she knows."

"What? She knows?!"

I try to stifle my laughter at his outburst.

"She used her abilities on me to make me tell the truth! What was I gonna do?" Steve argues his point.

It's true he couldn't have done anything about it.

Dayton only shakes his head in annoyance.

Lucas and Dustin come up to us on the couch with two bags in their hands. I looking between the two of them and their shit eating grins.

"If this has anything to do with milk I'm giving y'all both wedgies."

Dustin passes me a red bag. "It has nothing to do with you being milk girl."

Lucas gives Steve his bag as well.

I move around the fancy tissue paper and see jeans? I pull it out with my hands and I see that it's not pants but a jean jacket. And the back is painted on with some eye popping colors but the patches on the sleeves are what gets me.

One of them is the state of Texas. And next to it is a Hawkins patch. There are a few notable patches besides those. A lasso. One says Cherry bomb. And one with a brain on it.

I look up and it's not just Dustin and Lucas anymore. The rest of the gang is behind them now watching me.

I pull the jacket on and it fits loosely. It's the best kind of fit.

Looking over at Steve I see his gift. It's another jean jacket but his is different from mine. His has got no patches on it just the paint on the back. And I can't miss the big 'MOM' on the back.

"We wanted to thank you guys for everything you did for us." Mike- the kind asshole- Wheeler speaks up.

I get up from my seat and hod my arms out. "Hugs right now or so help me I will cry on every single one of you."

Max and Mickey are first in almost making me fall over. Then Dustin and Lucas, lastly Mike. I quickly place a kiss on the top of their heads, almost missing Mike because he pulls away slightly but I pull him back.

"Okay Jessie, give me my kids now."

HAWKINS, INDIANA

JANUARY 1985

My stomach grumbling was getting annoying. I needed to put food into my system before I combust. I just didn't feel like leaving Mike's couch. After sitting here while the boys play their precious D&D after a whole year, I'm growing attached.

I'm laid on the couch like a mad woman. My legs are leaning off the side arm, only one of my arms is slanged over the back of the couch. The other one is holding me up properly.

Steve comes down the steps. Hair flopping around like usual.

"Steve! Good you're here!" I say as he descends down the last steps.

"Hey!" He waves to me.

Then he's saying hi to the kids. I watch as he makes his rounds and then walks over to me and the couch. NO if he sits down then we're not leaving here. And I need food.

I bolt out of my seat. "I'm revolting I need food."

"Why don't you ask my mom for something?" Mike asks me.

I didn't want to trouble his mom. I also didn't want to have to interact with any adults. My mouth is a little crazy as Mickey and Dayton keep saying. I'm not good at holding back my opinions.

I shush Mike and look at Steve. "Please can I get food? Please? Pretty please? The D&D is making me want to eat the floor."

"Hey!" All the boys and Max say at once.

Steve chuckles and puts his hands on his hips. Oh no what does he want. He only does that when he wants something. What could he want from me? Wasn't being friends with me enough?

"I need your skilled handwriting for some envelopes." He puts rather simply.

Okay I can do that.

"Alright I'll do it," I grab his arm and start dragging him the way he came. "I just need food. Food. Steve my stomach is like boiling. I need food."

"Alright alright. I got you." Instead of letting me drag him up the steps he falls in line with me.

Always the gentleman, he opens the door and lets me out. I let go of his arm, and let him lead the way. He takes the both of us out the back and I see his red BMW. With a spur of energy I run to the passenger side and dive into the seat.

"Come on, faster pretty boy. I'm trying not to die of starvation here."

"Have you been getting any memories lately?"

I turn to look at Steve in the drivers seat. I had just finished a whole meal and now he wants me to talk? I need my post-meal nap pretty soon.

I guess I could just talk to him and wait until we get back.

"Not really, no. It's been radio silent up here." I knock on my head twice.

He can't help but laugh when I do. Maybe that will ease this conversation back to a more friendly topic. I don't want to think about all the bad things today. I was trying to just have a nice day. I could think about it tomorrow. Or the next day.

"I'm serious though. You'd tell me if you did?"

"Yeah." I shoot back.

We continue on the drive in a comfortable silence. It feels like it should be awkward but its not. We have some weird upside down bond now. We haven't seen it all but we've seen enough together.

It doesn't take long before I see Mike's house appear outside my window. Steve's quick to get out of the car but I'm not, I just ate! I need to take it slow don't wanna pull a stomach muscle or something.

I've got the itis.

Slowly I open my door and roll myself out of the car. As I do I know Steve is watching me struggle. He loves to do that sometimes I swear if he wasn't my friend I would yell at him, I swear it.

He's back at my side in an instant holding his arm out for me to lock with mine.

"Ah Steve, such a gentleman."

HAWKINS, INDIANA

JANUARY 1985

I try to smoothly make it to my desk in one piece without raising suspicion. I don't trip, or look anyone in the eye as I make it to the back where Steve is sitting. However I do see his floppy hair and I have to clamp my mouth shut to not giggle.

His hair!

How does he do it everyday?

How?

I sit down and put my notebook on the desk.

"Are you okay?" Steve asks.

I turn slowly to nod at him, I don't wanna do it to fast or he's gonna think something is up with me. I can't alert the troops. I can't alert anyone!

He studies my face, and then his face changes. Did he just figure it out? Did he just find out that quickly? Maybe he won't say anything.

"Are you high right now?" He whispers to me.

My head is nodding again even though I wanna deny it. I was about to deny it. But my head is faster than my mouth.

Ha!

I watch closely as Steve pulls my chair and then my desk close to his. My fingers start playing with the loose ends of my knitted sweater. I wonder how those little dangling threads happen. Why did they happen? I didn't cut my sweater.

I hear our english teacher clear her throat to get the class to settle. It's then that I roll my shoulders back and face the board with the straightest face I can make.

The class settles after a few moments pass and our teacher begins to write names on the board. I watch with confusion. Why was she writing down our names? Did she forget them?

Then she writes down my name. And Steve's.

I look at Steve.

"She was picking random students to read their essays today- Jess we are fucked." He whispers to me and the way he sounds is so funny I start laughing under my breath.

I pull my sweater over my mouth to try and hide it. My eyes are watering before I know it and I have to put my head down on the desk to hide my laughter.

"Ms.Glendall whats the matter?"

Then that makes me laugh even more. Holy shit I'm about to get caught! I'm about to get caught and I don't even have an excuse to give! I'm gonna get detention! Holy shit have I ever gotten detention since I've been here?

No I haven't. I would remember.

"Jessie's not feeling to well, can she read her essay another day?" Steve asks for me.

I can feel his hand come to pat my head like I'm some sort of dog- I'm laughing even harder now. My stomach is starting to hurt with how much I'm dying from this.

"Sure Mr. Harrington."

Steve peers in close to me, close enough to whisper in my ear. When I can feel his hot ass breath on my ear I stop laughing. "You owe me big time Jess."

Oh god how am I gonna make it to Lunch. Hopefully Jon doesn't mind skipping with me to get some food. I am not eating slop while under the influence.

I can't believe I'm this much a wuss. I mean I tasered a demo-dog for crying out loud. You'd think I've grown some macho in me.

But no.

Here I am with my envelopes for colleges. Ready to send.

And I'm holding them in my hands like they're about to fly away.

"Step away from the applications."

I swiftly turn around.

Steve's leaning against his car.

"You know I can just go right back upstairs and cancel our plans to hang out." I quip, already turning away.

It's not long, what with his long ass legs, before he has my arm in his grasp and he's stopping me. I turn around slowly to face him, ready for that stupid look on his face. He's gonna make fun of me. I know he is.

He sent out his early applications and I'm standing here, fiddling with my regular applications.

But he doesn't have a look on his face. He looks serious.

"Alright so do you want me to do them for you or do you want a pep talk so you can do it yourself?"

I look between him and my mailbox. A few times. Maybe it's actually more than a few because he snatches the envelopes from my hands and does it himself.

Instead of letting him get the final touch I do it myself. I raise the red flag on the box.

"Well ladies and gentlemen I think Jessica Glendall has finally finished with her applications! How about a round of applause for the girl!" He starts yelling. I try to cover his mouth but he's too tall. And he's fighting me off a bit.

"Cut it out you weirdo! I have neighbors!"

"Is that what the other houses are for? I thought it was decoration."

HAWKINS, INDIANA

JANUARY 1985

"Did you actually have a lasso back home?"

I stop eating and look at Jonathan. He's got a big smile on his face because he knows he's being a little shit. But he wouldn't come up with this on his own. I know this is Steve's doing.

"Steve put you up to this?" I ask him back.

He shakes his head but can't hide his laughter.

"Nah. I just heard it from Will, who heard it from Dustin, who was told by Steve." He explains to me.

"I don't care that we're the same age I will give you a wedgie you do know that right?" It's rhetorical as he puts his hands up in surrender.

"I'd love to see you give Steve a wedgie. Or put him in a lasso."

"Yeah I'd love to see it too."

I was cheering Steve on in the gym not too long ago. He's playing really hard right now so that the scouts can see him. I know that he feels like he has to overcompensate with sport because his grades are too hot.

But neither are mine. We're in the same boat here.

His car chirps and I look around for him. I was waiting for him on his car after all. I find him walking my way with his sport bag slung over his shoulder. They didn't win today but he did carry his team the whole way through. That's gotta count for something.

He doesn't say anything to me- no snide remark, no sass, not even a hello. All he does is get into his car and slam the door. Maybe he wants to be alone right now?

I hop off the hood of his car and he turns the engine on.

Maybe I should take the hint and leave.

I put my bag over both of my shoulders and start to turn my body away when I hear the horn honk. So I turn back.

The window is rolled down on my side.

"Aren't you coming?"

I open the door swiftly and get in. "You sure you don't want to be alone right now? I mean I can understand-"

"No I'll be fine. I just need to drive around for a little bit." He says to me and starts pulling out of the parking lot.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I offer

I remember the forth of July party and what he said. About College and parents. This was definitely a topic that he dreaded.

He pumps the breaks on the car when I say it. I almost jolt forward but he holds his arm out to brace me. It makes me let out a breath that's all I know. His arm retracts back to his side as he keeps his eyes on the wheel.

"My dad sucks. And my grades kind of suck. And he's riding my ass about college."

I carefully put my hand on his shoulder. "Look all you can do is your best Steve. At the end of the day it's all anyone can do. Your dad might not see it but it's you who needs to start seeing it. It's your life."

"Y-yeah."

"Plus all of the shit you did with those monsters from hell is pretty badass. You'd probably get a metal for it if it wasn't top secret."

He laughs. "Thanks Jessie."

"Of course Stevie."

"Jessica!"

"Stephen!"

#DAMSEL #steve harrington x oc #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fic #stranger things fic #stranger things #stranger things imagine #steve harrington #OH YEAHHHHHH #OH I"M IN IT NOW

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leukemiagnome · 5 years ago

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i'm so bad at keeping up with this...

Posted to Facebook on September 6, 2019

I honestly don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve interacted on Facebook. I think I started staying away after our climate took a left turn and everything became so saturated in sadness and negativity.

But, the desire to write about my experiences with leukemia and recovery has been something that’s weighed heavily on my heart for some time. It just took a lot for me to muster up the courage and energy to divulge my thoughts and emotions surrounding my experience with getting sick, relapsing, recovering and everything associated in between. First of all, I want to say that a big part of why I was hesitant to write a piece like this was the fear of coming off as fishing for sympathy. When you’ve never experienced something as life-changing as being diagnosed with cancer, it’s hard to fully comprehend just how severely such an affliction can affect a person’s life. I get it. And there is a part of me that wants to simply leave it at that. However, sometimes I feel so misunderstood. Oftentimes, I imagine myself just shaking certain people while screaming, “You just don’t understand!” I know that’s not a realistic thing to do, so instead, I’m left stewing with my own thoughts (more than I’d like to). So, I thought it was time to get some things off my chest. I know there will be different reactions to what I’m about to say; some will still take this post as me fishing for sympathy, others won’t relate because maybe they’ve had a different experience with cancer, and maybe (hopefully) there will be a few who may actually change their outlook on people who have been touched by this disease or something similar. Whatever each person’s reaction may be, I’m hoping that writing this may give me some solace knowing that I simply, “Said what I had to say.”

Mostly everyone knows by now how I was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia as summer wrapped up in 2017. Since then, a lot has been a blur as you really don’t get much time to simply breathe. You’re very quickly whisked off to bone marrow biopsies and immediately pumped with various forms of sickening chemotherapy. Many know that chemotherapy is a terrible treatment; the way it eats away at your insides, deteriorating your body to an almost unrecognizable state. A lot of people don’t know the gory details or how it actually affects your ability to retain new memories, think rationally and clearly, or even remember past beautiful memories that you made prior to being diagnosed. Chemotherapy is essentially a thief, taking away so much of what you once loved and what made you — YOU. It tore away at me from the inside out, causing me to become delusional, turning me into another person, and ultimately making me into a completely different person than the person my (now) husband had proposed to. Chemotherapy made my stomach raw to the point I could only ingest liquids and made me throw up blood even if I didn’t know I was actually throwing up blood. Sadly, the effects of chemotherapy (and radiation) last beyond your treatment period and you’re left with a version of yourself that you don’t recognize in addition to being left to pick up the pieces and the task of “rebuilding” yourself. Over a year after having my bone marrow transplant, and experiencing a relapse, I find myself still struggling to repair the damages. Though many of you see me happy, smiling, and optimistic, know that I choose to show you only the best parts of me because the other parts are too hard to come to terms with, much less share with the world. Haven’t you noticed that I rarely post anything on social media? Yet, when I do, I appear to be just fine. What I’m not telling you is how I often think about just getting a physical therapist because, even though I’m a young woman in my twenties, my body moves and works like I’m in my seventies. If I drop something on the floor and I’m home alone, oftentimes I can’t even think about picking it up because I might not be able to get off the floor on my own. I don’t mention how I feel like a huge burden to my healthy, loving husband and how it breaks my heart that I cannot do things with my husband that I should be able to at my age. I can’t talk about how I hate my body and everyday I struggle to look confident, when actually, deep inside I really hate the person I’ve become. I don’t tell you that a lot of the time I have no appetite and I drink Ensure just to get my base nutrients so I don’t fall ill. I don’t talk about how getting sick has put myself and my husband in debt because when you can’t work, you only get paid a fraction of what you made when you were able-bodied (even though now you have doctors bills and medication to pay for) I definitely don’t mention how this disease has caused me to lose family and friends, ultimately putting me into a depressed state that sometimes causes me to stay in bed for days at a time. I don’t like to talk about the fact it truly breaks my heart to constantly watch people and life move on without me without even blinking in my direction. I don’t tell you how I feel lonely now that many people have dissipated from my life and I most likely won’t mention how often I cry about that fact that I’m going to be a bride in December with most likely no bridesmaids or Maid Of Honor. I wish so badly I had friends to help plan my wedding, to watch me try on my wedding gown and to plan bachelorette parties and bridal showers, just like any other bride. Missing out on monumental parts of my twenties, knowing realistically I won’t get these moments back, is so hurtful.

Like I said before, to some people, these things may all seem entirely trivial. But, that’s because so many take these things for granted. Many view these moments in life as “typical,” and so many could not even imagine actually not being able to do or experience these things. I was the exact same way. I went to bed each night “knowing” I was going to wake up healthy the next morning. I said hurtful things to people because I “knew” I would see them again and eventually have the chance to make-up in time. I procrastinated and put things off because I “knew” I had plenty of time to do whatever it is I wanted. But that’s exactly the thing; time is no one’s friend. It’ll go on with or without you. Time doesn’t discriminate and it never stops. I wish I was wise enough to learn that lesson a long time ago. I wish it didn’t take me nearly losing my life to realize all of this. I know now though, which is probably a big reason why I feel like I need to just go ahead and divulge my heart’s aches and just say what I’m feeling. I truly hope no one takes this as an attempt to achieve some quick sympathy. I just really wanted people to know that once the battle is over, doesn’t mean the war is over. Cancer patients go through so much to rebuild their lives. It’s slow, sad, and painful. Like I said before, cancer (and the treatments) rob people of so much, and the journey to attempt to get the normalcy back isn’t an easy one, nor does it always end in triumph. This note isn’t just to help you see things from the perspective of a cancer patient, but just other people in general. I feel like many people today are so wrapped up in themselves and the concept of “one-upping” the next person that they forget to slow down and simply ask the person next to them, “How are you doing?” Sometimes, that little invitation to open up is all people need to keep them from feeling alone and hopeless. I know I am far from perfect, and I have made more than my fair share of mistakes. I’ve probably made enough mistakes for this lifetime and the next. But, I know that I am trying my best to move slower, do things with more intention and compassion, and simply be a better me. I don’t know if I’ll live to see ten years from now or even next week, but I know I am going to try my best to make each day count and try to remind people around me that they’re loved, cared for, and thought about.

That’s all.

#life #leukemia #writing #melancholy #lonely #friends #alone #wedding #recovery #cancer #cancersurvivor #courage #positive #goodvibes #depressed

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jaketheaudiophile · 4 years ago

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Best Albums of 2020

Hello again friends! Another year has passed and therefore it’s time to reflect on the music and art we enjoyed in the past 12 months. Per my annual tradition, I’m dusting off this ol’ blog to write about my favorite albums and songs of a year that will likely live in infamy in the history books. I’m trying to reflect on the positive in both this essay and my personal mindset, so let’s not discuss social distancing or vote counts or contagious viruses or hand sanitizer and instead focus on the things that distracted us or powered us through them in the form of music.

I generally do a personal Top 15, so I decided to stick with that again for this year’s shenanigans. Best songs and potentially another new list idea soon to follow. And, as always, I welcome dissenting votes or other recommendations from those who read and agree and/or disagree.

Let’s do this!

HONORABLE MENTION:

Snooze

“Still” EP

Self-released on November 27

I normally don’t include EPs in my end-of-the-year lists unless I create a separate list devoted just to them, or 2 years ago when my favorite release of the year was an EP (shout out to Invalids). Snooze’s 2019 release “Familiaris” was my favorite album of last year, and this new EP brings a lot of the same energy and sound, but with a much different mood and circumstance. Bassist Cameron Grom tragically passed in 2020 after a lifetime of battling illness, leaving Logan Voss as the primary songwriter and lone consistent band member. Voss partnered with YouTube drum sensation and producer Anup Sastry for “Still”, and the results are certainly massive and memorable. The songs seem to be significantly sadder and more drawn out on “Still” but the circumstances certainly explain these changes. I’m grateful Voss managed to still put something out that is unique and makes me smile even during his heartbreak and struggles, so this EP is definitely still worth mentioning.

#15

Alpha Male Tea Party

“Infinity Stare”

Released December 4 via Big Scary Monsters

Both this album and the Honorable Mention are ranked pretty low on my personal list despite my personal adoration and affinity with each band. This is entirely based on how little of time has elapsed between their release dates and my compilation of this list. With some additional time to listen and process, I might have put them both higher, but without that I’m inclined to still mention them here but can’t in good conscious put them further up the rankings. Similar to Snooze, Britain’s AMTP took a slightly darker, more morose mood into their newest full length, but there’s still enough ass-kicking riffs and grooves to still inspire movement and energy. Bassist Ben Griffiths has come out of the shadows a bit more on this release as well, sharing the spotlight easily with guitarist Tom Peters and proving that he’s better than just holding down the lower notes. This album’s release was also a complete surprise, so kudos to the band for keeping things under wraps and giving fans an nice year-end present.

#14

Elder Brother

“I Won’t Fade On You”

Released October 2nd via Pure Noise Records

Elder Brother has been an object of my adoration for the past few years, but I’ve never been able to fully embrace an album of theirs as a whole. 2020’s release is no exception, unfortunately. They’ve penned some of their best songs to date (such as the gorgeous slow jam, “Projector”) and have expanded their sound with a full backing band. Unfortunately, meandering songs like “Hair” just drag away energy, and the second half of the album really just sort of panders around without resolution. The first half is top notch, but they really end with a whimper instead of a bang. Still, the great songs do shine brightly and warrant this album being included at this spot.

#13.

Jeff Rosenstock

“NO DREAM”

Released May 20 via Polyvinyl Record Co.

Speaking of surprise releases, perennial punk powerhouse Jeff Rosenstock put out “NO DREAM” with no promotion whatsoever. This left fans obviously surprised and that shock was quickly overwhelmed by a super high energy record full of infectious melodies and garage-rock aesthetics. There are a few clunkers but otherwise this is a charming and pleasant listen with some surprisingly deep and brutally honest lyrics and subject matters by Rosenstock. It was also cool to see Jeff get some solid publicity from this record such as an appearance on Late Night with Seth Myers. More attention for musicians like Rosenstock who have clearly put in the hard work is a worthy cause, so props to him and his merry band of misfits.

#12

Knuckle Puck

“20/20″

Released September 18 via Rise Records

Chicagoland’s Knuckle Puck have been one of the more impressively consistent pop/punk bands of recent years. I’ve always admired their skilled dual vocal arrangements, clean-boosted guitar tones and monstrous hooks. I definitely enjoyed this release but I also have a hard time distinguishing a majority of the moments after the record has stopped spinning. When it’s on, it’s pleasant and fun, but I’m hard pressed afterward remembering what songs are on this release and what are on previous years’ albums or singles. More KP music is never a bad thing, but hopefully future releases give them more sticking points.

#11

Unwed Sailor

“Look Alive”

Released July 12 via Current Taste

After over a decade of near-radio silence, Unwed Sailor have come out with guns blazing in the past two years. Johnathan Ford has put together a new band (most recently including longtime Minus The Bear drummer Erin Tate) and has churned out two full-length records in back-to-back years. I personally prefer 2020’s “Look Alive” slightly to 2019’s “Heavy Age” as it feels more of a throwback to the simpler, jammier Unwed Sailor releases of old. The record doesn’t really have any down points but also tends to drift along without a ton of memorable moments, oddly. Still, though, Ford and company seem to be on a torrid pace and I’m all in favor of enjoying the ride.

#10.

August Burns Red

“Guardians”

Released April 3 via Fearless Records

The model of consistency. August Burns Red are a well-oiled machine at this point. Every few years they hunker down in the studio and churn out another genre-setting collection of catchy metalcore songs. Drummer Matt Greiner is the most outstanding on this release (as per usual) with some truly jaw-dropping fills and beats, and the production for this record is top notch as always. It’s sort of hard to explain what’s good about this because it’s anything and everything. You can set your watch to this band and I’m grateful every time I put them on.

#9.

Melted Bodies

“Enjoy Yourself”

Released September 18 via Plastic Smiles

Another year, another band that Anthony Fantano turns me on to makes my AOTY list. The Internet’s Busiest Music Nerd didn’t formally review this album but did say they kicked ass in a “Y U NO REVIEW” segment. After a few moments of listening, I sprung for the album and it completely took over my music library for the past few months. I equate them as a sort of bizzaro hybrid between “Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job” and System of a Down, with Mike Patton-esque vocals, brutal but fun breakdowns, unique electronic elements and overall weirdness. Seemingly containing every genre of music all at once, this album is all over the place in all the best ways. What an amazing debut. It’ll be fun to see where these oddballs go from here.

Beach Comber

“Parting Cuts”

Self-released on April 24

What a fun surprise this record was; in retrospect it feels like that was a recurring theme for bands and artists in 2020. Beach Comber is Rory Friers, riffmaster general from And So I Watch You From Afar. This album doesn’t sound like anything his main group has put out, but instead was meant to be a wedding present for two of Frier’s friends that would never see a mass release. If there’s one good thing that COVID did, it was to encourage Friers to put this out as a pay-what-you-want release to gather some funds in lieu of touring and playing shows. Because of this, we were blessed with a very different but exceptional collection of minimalist, varied low-fi rock. It feels like a lost Anathallo album or Sufjan Stevens b-side collection, and was a welcome breath of happy fresh air.

Hot Mulligan

“You’ll Be Fine”

Released March 6 via No Sleep Records

It feels like every year I’m thanking my buddy Steve Lee on this list for getting me hooked on a quality emo record. He first sent me the incredibly fun video for “*Equip Sunglasses*”, but I wasn’t immediately hooked. I couldn’t quite get into Nathan Sanville’s scream/sing vocal style at first, and thought the band was slightly generic. Still, I found the song getting stuck in my head for roughly the next rest of my life, and eventually checked out the full album, and was pleasantly surprised by the subtly complex intertwining guitar leads and arrangements. Also, kudos to the band for writing pointed and brutally honest lyrics on topics that some bands wouldn’t touch (go read the lyrics for “Digging In”). And yes, Sanville’s vocals eventually ended up really, really growing on me. These young men from Lansing, MI should be proud of themselves for their strong stances and songwriting, and it’ll be fun to see what they put out next.

Man Man

“Dream Hunting in the Valley of the In-Between”

Released May 1st via Sub Pop

After a few years of relative silence, Philly-based weirdos Honus Honus and Man Man gathered up another pile of instruments and multi-instrumentalists, and the result is yet another collection of supremely catchy songs. Longtime fans like me knew what they were getting, but I think this is one of Man Man’s most complete and accessible albums yet, with not a moment wasted or thrown in without thought. There are so many fun little vocal quips (The random “Went straight to voicemail!” in “Goat”; the solo chorus of “Sucking diiiiiiick” in “The Prettiest Song in the World”) that make the listener smile every time. Everything feels planned out and executed flawlessly, which is impressive when each song features several guest musicians (including Rebecca Black!) and a rotating cast of instruments and players. Keep being weird, Man Man. We don’t deserve you.

Protest The Hero

“Palimpsest”

Self-released on June 18

It had been 7 years since Canada’s Protest The Hero put out a full length after leaving the world of record labels and crowdfunding campaigns. It wasn’t without its difficulties, largely due to singer Rody Walker running into vocal issues during recording sessions. Thankfully, he was able to overcome his difficulties and frankly, he killed it. There wasn’t much more life-affirming than hearing him hit ungodly high notes at the end of “From The Sky” and his joy-filled delivery was infectious on every other song. And of course, the rest of the band also fully delivers with their usual technical brand of metal. No complaints at all, hope the next one doesn’t take 7 years to show up.

Caspian

“On Circles”

Released January 24th via Triple Crown Records

I was very excited about this release from basically the end of 2019 on, as these Massachusetts instrumental rock mainstays released the single “Flowers of Light” at year’s end. Thankfully, the album delivered in spades, and it is easily my favorite instrumental release of 2020. Well, that’s not technically true; 2 of the 8 songs have vocals. One welcome addition is an awesome contribution by Pianos Become The Teeth’s Kyle Durfey for “Nostalgist”, who fits the band like a glove. The second vocal track is the lovely eponymous closing track, which gives a pleasant change-up conclusion. Caspian’s three guitar approach means the listener always has a wide swath of atmospheric noise and full bodied sound, and the formula is definitely still working. There’s a reason this sextet are revered, and “On Circles” is the band firing on all cylinders.

Touche Amore

“Lament”

Released October 9 via Epitaph Records

Touche Amore has been one of my favorite bands for several years running, so expectations were very high for their fifth release. 2016’s “Stage Four” was a massive success but is still very hard for me to re-listen to or encounter due to the heaviness of the album’s subject matter, and “Lament” is at least a change in that pace. Jeremy Bolm is never one to pull punches or address the uncomfortable, and his vocal delivery is as engagingly abrasive as ever. Bassist Tyler Kirby is the most obviously improved, but that may also be the production choice of Ross Robinson, who seems to have received as much publicity by working on this record than the band did. All in all, more the same is never bad with these screamo mainstays.

Into It. Over It.

“Figure”

Released September 18 via Triple Crown Records

Evan Weiss is the one reliable dude. We get a new Into It. Over It. record every 3 or 4 years, and they’re always great. His songwriting and arrangement skills are top notch, and there’s enough cool little moments or unique additions to keep the listener engaged throughout the entire album. Weiss’s skills as a guitarist are in the spotlight as always (”We Prefer Indoors”), but drummer Adam Beck proves his talents throughout (”Brushstrokes”). What truly makes the album great for me are the little moments of variety or subtle changes in instrumentation or delivery that pop up in every song. The best example is the middle of the second verse of “Living Up To Let You Down”, when the band changes up the straightforward beat and chord progression to deliver a double-time feel with differently punctuated guitar chord hits (this is very hard to describe in writing; just listen to the song at 1:28). If the songs on their own weren’t catchy or well-rounded on their own, this album would be great, but it’s the moments like this that truly push it out on top. This record lived up to every high expectation I had and I’m thrilled that Mr. Weiss is a part of my life.

END

“Splinters From an Ever-Changing Face”

Released June 5 via Closed Casket Activities

But enough about positive thoughts and happy feelings...Every piece of writing or commentary on 2020 will likely point out how bad of a year that we all just experienced and how grateful we are to be moving forward. I definitely agree with this sentiment for the most part but do feel like we had a lot of interesting positive moments in the year in general. However, with that logic, no album better summarizes my general aesthetic towards this weird quarantined year than this ungodly amalgamation of brutal hardcore this supergroup has wrought. Counterparts vocalist Brendan Murphy sounds like a completely different beast with a lower delivery and growl than his fans traditionally encounter, and guitarist and wunderkind producer Will Putney makes this record sound horrifying, hellacious and, well, HEAVY. Add in some unnerving audio samples and the fact that most songs are between 1 and 2 minutes, and I can’t think of anything else to best summarize my feelings toward 2020. This was the perfect album to put on and let loose any angry or negative thought with the ferocity of the tsunami of sound this group created, and should be commended as such.

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nanowrimo · 7 years ago

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Dear NaNo Diary... (Week Four and Beyond)

NaNo can be thrilling, challenging, frustrating, and revitalizing––sometimes all at once. This November, we’ve asked NaNo participants to share their daily thoughts in a new series, Dear NaNo Diary. Here are some entries from the last two weeks of NaNoWriMo:

November 21

Dear Nano Diary,

Just wanted to let you know that holiday vacations are PERFECT for catching up on lost words. I'm only five hours of good writing away from being back up to where I should be, and my story is finally cooperating again. I think at this rate I may actually finish today or tomorrow, and then I can skip off into the sunset and switch to that new project I was so excited to get started on. I know the past week has been rough for both of us, but thanks for making me stick to it. I don't think there's been a year yet where I've written this much, this well, and come so close to the actual end.

Optimistically yours,

Burlew

Dear NaNo Diary,

I've just realised that I'd rather write a fantasy novel than a "realistic" one. I was wondering why I couldn't be passionate about what I was writing, and I think it's maybe because I want to build a fantastic and better world that includes magic through my words. Well of course, as great as they can be, it would be too late now to just throw a dragon in my novel. I'll know what to try next, though. On another note, I'm starting to see all these pink "WINNER!" bars and it gives me a slight sense of panic. I'm catching up on my word-count, but I am slow, and I don't have much time. And most importantly, I don't really know where my story is going. I just killed off my main character's father just because I felt like it, and I thought it would add something interesting to the plot. Maybe it will. But poor him. Barely outlined and already dead.

Signed,

Hyléore

November 24

Dear NaNo Diary,

Dare I say it? I'm tired, but also way to stubborn to give up now that the end is only a week away. So I'll keep going, but my health is definitely being a pain in the behind (and wrists, ouch) the last week. And if I can muster the energy I'd like to go on a field trip tomorrow to a botanical garden - that's kind of a must when you're writing a story that heavily features plants, right? I can write in the train, and watch one of the amazing plants that only flowers once in its life and is now in bloom according to the garden's Facebook. I'll be walking in my MC's footsteps, so that should definitely give me that final burst of inspiration to finish this story.

Love,

Mossenmeisje

Dear NaNo Diary,

Look, we both know that writing every day is easier said than done. And I certainly have not done a great job of it. Things got pretty rough there in Week 2. I mean, this is NaNo--we all know that Week 2 is where novels go to die, and man, did it ever kick my butt! But I powered through with only minimal skipping of days (and, well, maximal hating-everything-I-wrote) and things got back on track. There will probably be lots of editing to be done in that little chunk, but let's be real, that's just how this novel-in-a-month thing goes… this isn't my first rodeo. I'm gonna write through this just like I wrote through the suck in Week 2, and I'm gonna win again, and then I'm gonna take a break before I dig in to editing this monstrosity, where I will hopefully find (as I usually do) that it really isn't as bad as I think. I'm a good writer. I can do this. I've done it before, and I'll do it again. Right. I've got 20 minutes before I have to take the dog to the vet. Better get back to writing.

Determinedly yours,

Jaina

Dear NaNo Diary,

Day 24 and I kinda wish I was done with you. But, alas, you aren't even halfway finished yet. Yeah, I'm almost done with the 50,000. Whatever. I haven't even made it to the midpoint of the story yet. I have the feeling I'm going to have to keep this same pace throughout December, and that's scaring me. I have so much to do. My physics grade is suffering, my music theory and math grades are beginning to drop. Next to go is psychology and English. And heaven forbid, drivers ed. I'm literally behind with drivers ed. NaNoWriMo, you are sucking the life out of me and I hate you.

But...without you, I probably would've already given up. Like, hardcore given up on myself. On life. You've kept me going, kept me living. So part of me is glad I'm not anywhere close to being done with you.

Until next time.

AllisonReneS

November 25

Dear NaNo Diary,

I was always the kind of writer that doubted myself. I never even imagined that I could ever declare myself a winner of this event, or that I would ever get close to writing 50K, ever. My novel just proved me wrong, because yesterday I hit 50,000 despite having struggled with illness, schoolwork, and about a thousand other things that got in the way of writing. I actually did it, and it's only thanks to this lovely community. My writing group has pushed me towards the finish line, and the people in the forums were always there to offer encouragement or to play with on the procrastination forums. The virtual write-ins gave me wind under my wings when I needed it, and the NaNo WordSprints motivated me to keep going.

NaNo has given me something I haven't had in a long time: a sense of accomplishment. Because I did something hard, but I actually did it. Now, this novel is still not done, but nothing says I have to stop now. For today, I'm going to let myself smile and catch up on everything I have neglected to get to this point. But that's okay. Because I just did something I thought was impossible, and nothing is going to bring me down.

Signed,

TheRavenclawWriter

Dear NaNoDiary,

Look, I can write about cannibalism today, or I can write about sex.

Not. Both.

Jessikanesis

Dear NaNo diary,

I am sad that this month is almost over. Today I have crossed the 40K mark, a thing I still thought impossible a week ago when I was struggling to get to 20K. My story has taken me unexpected places and characters have slipped from within me that I didn't know I was holding captive. Thank you for that. My writing experience has been a little lonely, today is probably the first time ever I wandered onto the forums, it'd be nice to have met some fellow writers along the way. I've read many ideas and plots around the forums and I have to say I am so impressed and humbled to be a part of such an endlessly creative and talented community. I guess I'd also like to thank myself, for not giving up despite travelling in between three continents at the beginning of this month and having real life deal me some busy distracting stuff as well. A part of me wishes this crazy journey and enthusiasm and frustration swapping with joy will follow me, and everyone else, further after November.

Congratulations to the finishers, strength to those who are still going, and love to all!!!

Elishadowy

Dear Nano Diary,

I've topped 1,600 new words today and I'm on schedule to reach 50,000 on the last day. Not the day before, the last day. There is no room for error or wasted time. I believe my writing limit in a month might be 50,000 words, no more. It would appear it is going to require 100 percent effort in order to accomplish this goal.

One of my professors in college once said "People say they gave it 100 percent effort, and yet they have not expended all of their energy when they are done. I contend," he says, "if one accomplishes a goal at 100 percent effort, then death would occur at the precise moment the goal was accomplished."

Here's hoping I can write 50,001 words in a month.

stellaloop

November 26

Dear NaNo Diary,

This is bad. My goal this year was between 50,000 and 65,000 words. Right now I need to write between 28,001 words and 43,001 words in the next 4 days to win. That is basically 5,601-10,750 words a day to finish on time. BUT despite it all I am weirdly feeling motivated and excited to finish?!?!?!? I think the extreme amounts of espresso I've consumed are getting to my head.

Signed,

Teen dreaming with her eyes open

November 27

Dear NaNo Diary,

Day 27 on this plane of existential reality. Having passed the last barrier of 40,000 words towards the final stretch, three days doesn't seem like long to achieve it. The experience has been perfect not only because I could monitor myself with an objective during those days, but I've proven I could do it, raising the bar of my own personal margin of daily writing. A plus to this experience has been the great quality of the new writers I've encountered on the forums and in groups. There's a lot of talent about to be discovered, as is the inner fire needed to write a story from beginning to end. It's a beautiful proposal you've created and I celebrate this worldwide festival of words, creativity, and language in all its dimensions.

Laura Pigatt [translated from Spanish]

November 28

Dear NaNo Diary,

I am so behind! If I'm being realistic with myself, there's no way I'm going to write 20,000 more words by the 30th. Despite that fact, I'm reeling really good. I've won a few times before, but this is the best I've felt about a manuscript...ever. I am excited to finish my first draft (which will be well over 50,000 words when it's done) after November is over. Even more, I've established a writing habit that's realistic. I feel like a winner!

Signed,

r0gue0fd00m

November 29

Dear Nano Diary,

We are so close to the end and it could not come sooner, writing this story has been fun (especially at the times I made it suck less) but finals are coming and I have far too much to do and far too little energy for it all.

Just about three thousand to go though... it would just be stupid not to finish at this point.

Onwards!

SortaDevon

This is the last Dear NaNo Diary post of this year’s NaNoWriMo! We didn’t have a post last week due to the holiday and some schedule conflicts, but you’re welcome to check out all the great, inspiring, touching, and hilarious entries on the official forums post. Thanks for reading!

Original top photo licensed under Creative Commons from Joel Montes de Oca on Flickr.

#nanowrimo #nano 2017 #dear nano diary #diary #journal #from nano users

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suzanneshannon · 5 years ago

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Thank You (2019 Edition)

One of our yearly traditions here is to thank all y'all CSS-Tricks readers at the passing of a new year. It means a lot to me that people come here and read the words I write, and the words of all our staff and guest authors that contribute here as well.

Thank you!

Plus, we dig into the numbers this time of year. I've always tried to be open about the analytics on this site. Looking at them year after year always serves up a good reminder: niche blogging is a slow game. There's no hockey-stick growth around here. Never has been, never will be. The trick is to build slowly over time, taking care of the site, investing in it, working hard, and with some luck, numbers trend upward. This year, overall traffic didn't even do that. Sometimes you gotta fight for what you've got! Growth came in other areas though. Let's take a gander.

It was January 1st, 2019 that the current design of this site (v17) debuted, so this entire year overlaps perfectly with that. I'll certainly be tempted to release major iterations with that same timing in the future for comparison sake.

Overall numbers

Google Analytics is showing me 90.3 million pageviews, which is a bit of a decline from 2018 at over 91 million. A 1% decline. Not a big problem, but of course I'd way rather see a 1% increase instead. We'll take that as a kick in the butt to produce a stronger year of content to hopefully more than win it back.

Looks like we published 726 articles over the year, which includes link posts and sponsored links. A good leap from 636 last year and 595 the year before that. Clearly quantity isn't the trick to traffic for us.

I don't know that we'll slow down necessarily. I like the fact that we're publishing multiple times a day with noteworthy links because I like to think of us as a timely industry publication that you can read like a daily or weekly newspaper in addition to being an evergreen reference. I don't think we'll invest in increasing volume, though. Quality moves the needle far more than quantity for this gang.

There is a bunch of numbers I just don't feel like looking at this year. We've traditionally done stuff like what countries people are from, what browsers they use (Chrome-dominant), mobile usage (weirdly low), and things like that. This year, I just don't care. This is a website. It's for everyone in the world that cares to read it, in whatever country they are in and whatever browser they want to. We still track those numbers (because Google Analytics automatically does), so we can visit them again in the future and look historically if it gets interesting again. Taking a quick peak, however, it's not much different than any other year.

Performance numbers are always fascinating. Google Analytics tells me the average page load time is 5.32s. On my fast home internet (even faster at the office), the homepage loads for me in 970ms, but it's more like 30 seconds when throttled to "Slow 3G." "Fast 3G" is 8 seconds. Sorta makes sense that most visitors are on faster-than-3G connections since the traffic is largely skewed toward desktop. No cache, we're talking 54 requests (including ads) and 770KB (fits on a floppy). It's good enough that I'm not itching to dig into a performance sprint.