#debating on whether or not i will actually go to that boring ass church on sunday

[miserye]

cried because my mother left we will see how many more times i cry this week

[renjunfromthestars]

more than

Pairing: Mark + reader, Bestfriend! Mark, Childhood friend!Mark

Genre: Fluff, angst, honestly a little bit of crack LOL

Song recs: Best friend + Untitled + Waiting Room (Rex Orange County), Sofia (Clario)

Warnings: Mild swearing and mentions of alcohol

Word Count: 7.0k (my longest fic yet, wow!)

Summary: You’ve known Mark for all your life, and it only takes one drunken night (plus a little intervention with Haehcan) to think that you wouldn’t mind getting to know him a little better...

Notes: The fact that I actually had the patience to sit down and to write something above 3k words,,,,absolutely astounding, amazing, unique, never been seen before…. Mark is a little awk and always works so hard (poor bby), so imagining him as a super stressed pre-med major and oblivious best friend absolutely wrecks me thank you goodbye

----

When you first meet Mark, you’re eight years old, and it’s at church. He’s dressed in his Sunday best: a light blue button up, khakis, and shiny dress shoes. He looks stiff as your mother introduces you two, with his shirt buttoned all the way to the collar.

It’s not that you dislike him, but you think he might dislike you, with the way he avoids eye contact, eyes tracing the floor, your shoes—anywhere but your face.

You see panic flash through his eyes when his mom gently pushes him towards you, telling him to take you inside and reserve a spot in the pews while she catches up with your mom. 

He shuffles awkwardly, and wordlessly, you follow him into the building.

The pews are almost empty, with the bulk of them being filled in the front by the old people that usually have nothing better to do on their Sunday mornings. Although your local church is on the smaller side, it feels unusually large with rows of empty pews, almost eerie. You shudder at shadows the walls make with the stained glass, and hurry to your usual spot towards the middle.

If Mark notices your apprehension, he doesn’t say anything. He’s oblivious, actually, not noticing your absence until he’s almost at the end of the rows. When you see him stop and search for you frantically, you stifle a laugh. 

He eventually finds you, and after shuffling awkwardly between the pews, makes his way to you. 

“This is kinda far, isn’t it?” he murmurs.

“Huh?”

“I mean,” he stammers. “I usually sit closer to the front. ”

You peer at him from the side. “You actually want to pay attention?”

He scratches the back of his head. “Well yeah, isn’t that the point?”

“I guess,” you say, looking at the ceiling. With the sprawling arches and patterns, the designs are pretty, you think. 

“You should at least try, it’s kinda interesting,” when you turn your head to look at him he turns away. “Only if you want to, of course.” he adds, fidgeting with his hands.

When you tell him that maybe you will, you see him crack a small smile.

It becomes a routine, almost every Sunday, with you and Mark sitting next to each other.  Whether it’s closer to the front or the back, it’s a whole debate. You usually give in, because when you walk in, Mark is already waiting for you in the front. 

….

“Do you still go to Church?”

You’re laying on a green bean bag in Mark’s dorm room, procrastinating on the midterm paper you were supposed to get started on, well, a week ago. 

You think for a second, hand raised to rub your chin, just to tease him. “What’s church?”

“C'mon dude, are you serious?”

“Barely,” you say, standing up to move to sit on his bed. “You should really get a new bean bag, it’s kinda deflated.”

Mark ignoring you, reaches over from his desk to fluff up the bean bag. “It’s because you sit on it so much.” 

“Are you calling me fat?” and before he can defend himself you finally answer him, “I stopped going in like, middle school. It would be hard even if I wanted to, to find a whole new congregation, and I’m just busy. Also, it’s so boring, I could cry.”

Mark perks up. “Not if you go with me.”

You groan dramatically, and Mark chuckles. 

“Good to know that you haven’t changed since you were eight.”

It’s just your view on church, that hasn’t changed since you were eight. First thing things first, you were 19 now, going on twenty. You’re in University now, your second year. It’s been a blur assignments, partying, coffee and term papers- you don’t have time to think about anything else right now. Except maybe actually starting your paper but-

Mark interrupts you midthought, breaking the silence. “Are you still with that guy?”

“Huh? Who? Yuta?”

“Yeah,” Mark responds sheepishly, avoiding eye contact.

You roll your eyes. “No, we haven’t been together for a while. It wasn’t that important so I forgot to tell you.”

You can tell he's surprised about how unusually calm you are for talking about your first serious breakup, but he doesn’t say anything, instead just scratching the back of his head awkwardly in typical Mark fashion. “He was an asshole anyway,” Mark murmurs.

“What did you say?” you ask, acting shocked. “Mark Lee? Talking shit?”

Mark, embarrassed, refuses to repeat it. 

“I’m just saying, he wasn’t the right person for you.” he protests.

“As opposed to who? God himself?”

“I can think of a few,” he sighs, but you aren’t paying attention, instead laughing your ass off on his bed.

“You’re insufferable,” he says, standing up to open the door. “C’mon let’s go, I’m hungry. I know you’re not starting that paper anytime soon.”

…

It’s a routine, seeing Mark on Monday afternoons for lunch. Not Friday, because you were busy getting wasted, and consequently not Saturday, because you were too hungover. Not Sunday, because Mark had church, and you, well, were busy praying to God that you would be able to finish all the work you’d neglected over the weekend as a result. 

“I still don’t understand why you choose the worst day of the week for this,”  you say over your Kale caesar salad, pushing the leaves around aggressively. The University had a lot of healthy options, which you were grateful for. Grateful for you were not, were for the student loans you had to pay off every month, the exorbitant amount you partially owed to all the local and expensive organic produce the meal plan featured for the sake of being sustainable and health conscious.You could really give a rat’s ass about whether your salad was organic or not; if your weekends said anything about you, no amount of kale could help you (or your liver).

“It wasn’t really up to me,” Mark points out. “Maybe if you weren’t too busy being-”

“Ta ta ta,” you tsk, waving a finger around. “I, unlike you, actually have a social life.”

Mark frowns. “I have a social life.” 

Mark definitely had a social life. He was popular, even. As popular as you can be, being a preoccupied Pre-med with perfect grades. Mark is likeable. It’s not like he doesn’t have the opportunity to go on weekends if wanted to, he just chooses not to, deciding to slave away at biological functions, orbitals, and lab results instead. Even now, as he takes his glasses off to clean them, you notice the imprint they leave on his face from how long they’ve been sitting on his face, and doesn’t take you long to find the dark circles that grace the skin under his eyes: he’s exhausted.

You frown too. “You should really get out more Mark. You seem stressed.”

Mark gives you a small smile after putting his glasses back on, and then resumes typing on his laptop. “I don’t know how going out would make me less stressed,” he says, distracted. “I would only be more stressed, knowing the work I have to do.”

“Yeah, but you're pretty organized.” You point your fork at him accusingly, kale falling to the side. “Don’t you usually finish things early too?”

“Yeah, I do.” he admits,  and before you can press onwards you’re interrupted by a girl you recognize to be his lab partner.

Goggles in hand, you can see the marks they leave around her eye area, but she’s somehow still annoyingly beautiful, with her glossy straight hair and long eyelashes, but that’s not why you dislike her. She might be the most stuck up girl you’ve ever met. 

“Did you do the calculations yet?” she says, turning to Mark. ignoring you. It’s only when you cough in your seat that she turns to you. “And hello, (y/n).” An afterthought.

“Hello Yebin,” You give her a wry smile. “How's the lab?”

“The usual.” she glances at Mark, who seems to be doing some finishing touches on said calculations. “How’s Chem 2?”

Boy, does she really grind your gears. 

“It was fine, I actually placed out because I took it in high school.” Not to mention, it was a class for freshmen, and you were in fact, now a sophomore. 

Before she can say anything back, Mark claps his hands in celebration. “Done! Sorry it took me so long, I just had to double check some things.”

“It’s no problem,” and with the way her voice drips with a sickly sweetness, you want to gag. It’s so painfully obvious. “Are you still down for tomorrow?”

Poor Mark, always oblivious, stops typing on his laptop and looks up in confusion.  “Huh?”

You silently laugh at the expression Yebin makes when she realizes Mark has no idea what she’s talking about. “For our study session? The MCAT is just months away.”she reminds him.

Mark remembers. “Oh yeah, about that, I was thinking we could also invite-”

“Great!” she chirps, “See you tomorrow!” and with a flash of her white lab coat, she's gone. 

Mark scratches the back of his head. “I guess she had somewhere to be.”

You roll your eyes for what it seems like the 100th time this week, anymore and they might be permanently stuck to the back of your head. “She definitely likes you.”

“Who? Yebin? No way.” 

“Yes, Yebin, and yes way.” You fling a walnut from your salad over to his side, and he cringes.

“What is your problem?” he grumbles, and resumes typing on his laptop.

You drop the subject, because you know any talk on girls is completely lost on him. As you set aside your salad, you peer over at Mark, palm supporting your face. He’s focused, eyebrows slightly furrowed, with his lips mouthing over silently whatever science journal he was reading on his computer screen.

Mark has always been good looking, you think. You don’t know why you’ve never really noticed it before. His nose bridge gently slopes over his face, and his jawline is sharp, having lost his baby cheeks years ago. He works out often too, although he barely talks about it (maybe out of fear you’d tease him for being a gym bro). And with the way he’s so adorably awkward,  It’s no surprise really, that every girl friend that you’ve met of his seems to be completely smitten. 

Shaking your head, you snap out of it. It’s dangerous to think of Mark that way, you think. You’ve known him too long.

“My problem? I think you’re the one with the problem here. I’m surprised your hair isn't completely gray by now.”

Mark ignores you, probably mad at the fact you tried to start world food war three with him with a walnut.

“Hey.” you flick at his forehead to get his attention, and he flinches. 

“There’s a party this weekend at Johnny’s fraternity, you should come.” Johnny, being both your long time mutual friend (who’s demeanor is way too nice to fit the stereotypical frat boy image, really) who has since stopped asking Mark out of respect for his “med school grind”. 

“I’m already planning on it,” he responds, and you’re surprised. 

“Since when do you actually accept party invitations?”

“Since yesterday, because I’m tired of Haechan bothering me about it.”

You silently cheer, of course, you expect nothing else from Haechan.

…

“I never knew it was so hard to get booze.”

“It’s not hard if you’re 21.”

Scoffing, you turn your head to face the boy across from you. As if he can feel the burn of your gaze on his forehead, Haechan stops typing on his Macbook and lifts his eyes to meet yours. 

“No shit Sherlock, but last time I checked, we both weren’t 21.”

The sun had set a half an hour ago, and despite having spent the whole afternoon together, you and Haechan have had yet to come up with a way to secure the drinks you promised your friends for tonight’s pregame. With both of you being certified schemers representing your respective friends, you guess it wasn’t that big of surprise that the responsibility was left on both your shoulders. It beat scavenging alone, and spending time with Haechan wasn’t so bad either, when you two weren’t trying to kill each other. 

It was already late, and Haechan had deemed Ubering to the nearest packer store that sold Soju (the sweet sweet liquid of choice) was too much work. You on the other hand, had dismissed that option for a completely different reason. The issue in question was the flimsy, borderline pathetic excuse for a fake ID Haechan planned to use at the packer store. 

“Hey it works!” he protested. “You just act like you’re already legal and they don’t even card you. Easy.”

You roll your eyes as Haechan theatrically reenacts his last trip to the packer store.

“I asked him how he was doing, and he told me school sucks. I say to him, ‘Tell me about it,  thank god this is my last year!” and as if to emphasize his next point, he flicks his wrist in the air, ID snuggled between his index and middle finger. “And I was on my way. No issue at all.”

“That’s because he didn’t even see your fake I.D stupid. He would’ve called you out on your bullshit in an instant.”

Out of all the different options available, you could not fathom why he chose his fake ID to show that from all the places in this world, he was from freaking Hong Kong. There were fifty states to choose from, other English speaking countries, and he chose to pose as an  international student on a student visa. He could most definitely look the part, but after looking at the ID he proudly slaps on the common room lounge desk, you deadpan. The yellowish tint to the card was way too suspicious to be taken seriously.

“I wish we could just ask Mark,” you sigh, and Haechan looks at you like you’re stupid.

“He’s 20, ya dimwit.”

“I know, that’s why I said I wish. You have serious hearing problems.”

Haechan stops typing on his laptop to shoot you an especially heated glare, and you’re reminded again why he’s #2 on your fight list, right above Yebin. First place was taken by the girl you almost actually fought at that one University party a town over, wherever she is you hope she’s having a terrible day.

“If it were not for the rules of this land, you’d be dead right now Haechan.” 

Haechan places his head in his palms, and flutters his eyelashes disgustingly. 

“But you love me.”

“Yes, as much as Mark loves social events. Speaking of Mark, how on earth did you get him to leave his cave?”

“It didn’t take much,” and before you can call him out for lying, he shushes you.

“Okay, maybe a few days of nonstop begging.” Haechan says as his eyes dart across the laptop screen. You raise your eyebrow. “And I might have threatened to release pictures from the photoshoot his mom made him take when he was younger.”

“I expected nothing less from your evil, evil, mind.”

He scoffs. “Hardly. Just resourceful.”

Resourceful he is, because Haechan is the one who ends up finding a plug for the alcohol that night. 

…

A can of four loko, a bottle of soju, and a few shots later, you should be hammered, wasted even. But after 14 months, 2 weeks, and 5 days into college, your tolerance is pretty high, so you’re really just plain drunk. Even so, you’re a little messy (no surprise). You’re not in a state to be trusted with any errands, so you don’t understand why Haechan asks you to pick up Mark along the way to Johnny’s fraternity. 

“Why do I have to do it?” you whine, putting your hand over your forehead, and Haechan only laughs at your dramatic display of despair. 

“Because Johnny messaged me that Mark isn’t there, and there’s no way in hell I’m letting him flake on me this time. ”

You point a finger at him, and he stifles a snort when you’re off by a couple inches. “Letting him flake on me, me, me as in you! It’s not my problem.”

But there’s no use in arguing with Haechan, and you know it. That’s why you find yourself stomping your way up the second floor of Mark’s dormitory like you’re in elementary school again, having just been scolded by your mom and being forced back into your room.

You knock at his door impatiently, and it feels like forever until you hear some shuffling, and see the door knob twist open. To be honest, it’s probably just a few seconds, but time is different when you’re intoxicated.

Before you even see him, it smells faintly of  shampoo and detergent, so you’re not surprised when he opens the door and you see his hair is still half wet from the shower. He’s definitely party ready, and when you mean party ready, he’s wearing the same loose black tee and grey joggers he wears to sleep. His socks don’t match and you try not to laugh, because it would be a bad look for you, to show up intoxicated, and apparently crazy. 

“Oh (y/n), what are you doing here? Oh shit is today Friday? I totally forgot, Haechan is going to kill me-'' He looks at you and then pauses, scrunching up his nose. “Have you been drinking?”

“No.” you say sarcastically, but it definitely falls short of Mark because he looks at you like he does not believe you. Good, because he shouldn’t.

He sighs, and ushers you in his room. It’s dark, with the only light emitting from the little steel lamp on his desk, which is covered with his notes, pencils, a textbook, and some highlighters. When you finally make your way to his bed (with difficulty) he sighs again, and you silently scold yourself for having that mini drinking contest with Haechan. If you thought you could handle your alcohol well, Haechan was an absolute monster. 

You nearly screech when Mark flashes a mini flashlight in your face, and he tells you to calm down before someone thinks he’s committing murder. He holds your face still with his index finger resting on your cheek and his thumb lifting your chin. You try your best not to squint when he tells you to, instead focusing on his face. He’s so close, you can feel his warm breath on your face. If you weren’t already so flushed from drinking, you suspect you’d look beet red now. 

“Well, your pupils still dilate normally, so I don’t think you have alcohol poisoning-”

The world is moving a little, so you plop backwards on his bed— albeit a little harder than expected because he rushes over to you and looks concerned. 

“-but I don’t think that’s the problem here.” he finishes. 

Your eyes are closed, mainly because his bed is really comfy. “I’m here to pick you up.” and as if to emphasize your point, you wildly start pointing in all directions, hoping it would land on him. 

You open your eyes when you feel him grab your finger and turn it thirty degrees to the left, just  stopping at his chest. Your sense of direction must be really bad, because it turns out you were pointing at nothing. 

“I don’t think we’re going anywhere for awhile”

“Noooooo” you wail, and Mark lets go of your hand to sit back down on his desk, and unsurprisingly, begins reading his textbook again. How he is able to focus with you in the background, you don’t know, but it must have taken years of practice.

At this point, you decide to take matters into your own hands. You shove yourself off the bed and grab his arms from behind him. His roller chair scoots a few inches before he stops it.

“You’re not exactly making great case for yourself here”

“Stop making excuses!” 

You aim straight towards the armpits, and you’re confused at the lack of reaction, so you reach over to squeeze his knee. Almost immediately, he crumples over, almost falling off the chair. 

“Can you-” he says mid laugh, “please” he gasps, “Stop that!”

You respond by attacking his other knee, and it’s over. He falls off his chair and you go down with him. The difference is that he recovers quickly, and starts tickling you back in revenge. 

You’re sensitive, so it feels like you’re dying. You try to use his arm as leverage to push yourself up, but next thing you know he’s toppeling over you. You close your eyes and wait for your head to kiss the cold hard floor but it never comes, because Mark's hand cradles your head, breaking the fall.

When you open your eyes, he’s closer than ever before, noses touching. Lips a mere centimetres away and in a weird embrace, you resist the urge to close the distance. 

Mark has always been good looking, especially now, so close to you. You don’t know why you’ve never noticed it before.

When he pulls away he’s flustered, and for the first time, so are you. 

It’s an awkward silence, with you still on the floor as he stands up, rubbing the dusk from his knees. He scratches the back of his head and offers you a hand 

“Let’s head out,” he says.

“Yeah, let’s.” you echo. 

…

Although Haechan berates you for being more than a little late to the party, he’s overjoyed that you somehow managed to show up with Mark. Not that he didn’t have faith in you anyways, he tells you. It’s just that Mark is married to his Biology textbook, and she runs a tight ship. By the time you reached the frat with Mark, you’ve sobered up enough to enjoy yourself normally, 

It’s when you wake up in the morning, that you’re not okay. It’s not okay, because you dreamt of Mark, and that’s weird, because you and Mark were just friends, right? And you always will be. 

It’s not a big deal because friends dream of friends. Dreams are a product of your own desires environment, you tell yourself, it’s perfectly normal because you spend so much time with him.

What is not normal, is when you see Mark the following Monday, and are worried about it. You’re nervous the whole time, and it gets worse when you slide the little watermelon filled tupperware container across the table in apology for last Friday. He likes his watermelon cut up into little cubes, you remembered (why do you remember?), and you avoid his eyes, pushing a stray piece of hair behind your face. 

Mark, oblivious as usual, doesn’t really notice anything until 10 minutes in, as if your lack of rambling surprises him. Munching on the cubes, he asks if you’re okay.

“Yeah, I am.”

No you are not. You are utterly fucked. 

…

“But you need to promise me you won’t judge or make fun of me for it”

“Just say it already, Jesus.”

“It’s just so embarrassing.”

“Oh my god, are you in love with me?”

“No!” 

When placing your hands in your face, Haechan grants mercy on you, patting you on the back instead of teasing you further.

“I don’t know what else could be so important that you need to talk to me in person. Unless…. it’s about Mark?”

His hands stop soothingly rubbing your back and instead starts slapping it, waiting for you to laugh along with him. When he doesn’t get a response he gasps. Turning his head sideways to face you, he pries your fingers apart.

“No fucking way.”

“Right?” you moan.

“I was just joking, but I can’t say I didn’t expect it.”

You remove your hands from your face and look at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Like, you’ve known each other forever. You spend a lot of time together too. Someone was bound to catch feelings eventually.”

You don’t respond, instead choosing to sulk.

“You know I’m right. You just don’t want to admit it because you’re the loser in this situation.”

Right he is, because you’ve been avoiding Mark for the past few weeks like the plague. You’ve told him that you’ve been busy with your final term paper (you’re not, you’re an engineering major why would you have one?), and although he was a little confused, he was probably also a little thankful because the MCAT was only a month away. 

As you tell him about your plight, Haechan listens thoughtfully, “mhming” and “ahh-ing” at all the right places.

“I don’t see how ignoring him helps you at all. I would say to just talk to him about it, but it’s Mark, he probably hasn’t thought about you that way at all.”

“Thanks,” you grumble. “So I’m basically one of the boys.”

“No really, mans might as well be the anemone from Nemo, I’ve never seen him interested in anyone.” Haechan sighs. “This is a tough one.”

“I’m sure I’ll think of something, but I might have to get creative.”

“I’d like to see you try Hyuck.”

…

It’s 9pm Sunday night, and there’s a knock on your door. It’s strange you think, because it’s a Sunday, and it’s a little late to be doing anything.

When you open the door, there he is, Mark Lee in all his 5’9’ glory, with a little bag in hand, in it your favorite milk tea. 

“It’s Sunday.” you say, intelligently. 

Mark just chuckles. “Yes it is, and your point?”

You step aside so he can walk in, and you’re embarrassed at your current state. For once, you’ve finished your assignments early, so you’ve spent the past four hours in your pajamas watching K-dramas and snacking on honey chips. You must look like a bum.

Mark on the other hand, always looks good, even in some old dress slacks, and an old t-shirt with some holes in it. He smells faintly of antiseptic, so he must have just come from a volunteering shift at the hospital. 

“It’s nice of you to drop by,” you poke the straw into the bubble tea. “And thank you for the bubble tea.”

“You’ve been busy recently so I figured you’d need it for the caffeine content, but it’s not like you sleep anyway.” he jokes. “How’s the term paper going?”

“The term paper? Oh right, the term paper. It’s alright,” you lie. “Just a couple of pages left. Beats having to take the MCAT though.”

Mark looks tired, with his hair slightly overgrown and his dark circles hallower than usual. You feel bad—he has a habit of overworking himself; you’re usually there to check on him but lately you haven’t, and he’s kind and thoughtfull enough to bring you something because he thinks you’re stressed.

“Yeah tell me about it,” Mark takes a seat next to you on your bed, head hitting the wall with a soft thump. “It’s going to be all over next week though, I can’t wait. I’ve missed you though.”

Busy silently cursing at yourself for the way your heart flutters at his admission, you forget to respond. Mark frowns, places his hand on your thigh in an attempt to soothe you, and it has the opposite effect—you think you might go into cardiac arrest. 

“Is something wrong?”

“N-no.” you stammer. “Just stressed. ”

Mark makes things worse by leaning in closer, gently placing the back of his hand on your forehead. “You’re kinda hot.”

“I am?”

“Yeah, like I think you may be running a fever.”

He hops off the bed, and rummages around in his little black bag, and pulls out a thermometer. He places a little sleeve on the end, and motions for you to open your mouth. When it beeps, he takes it out of your mouth and looks at the result.

“Your temperature is fine, but you should rest. I’ll see you soon okay?” He pats your head. “Take it easy, I know you’ll do great.”

…

You might not have a term paper, but what you do have is a physics final. 

The desk area is littered with eraser dust, crumpled paper, and half filled styrofoam cups of coffee that have since gotten stale. You swear to god that Physics was a subject meant to torture, not enrich the lives of college students. At this rate, you were seriously debating dropping out to become a stripper. 

Haechan, not sensing your dismay, disrupts your plans to drop out by telling you something that puts a damper on the rest of your day, as if Physics wasn’t doing that already.

“Have you noticed that Mark’s been hanging out a lot with that one girl lately? What’s her name? So-bin, Yee-ben, Ben 10, ”

“Yebin,” you snap. “And don’t ever disrespect Ben 10 like that again. ”

Haechan lifts his hands up, “ I agree she’s a total bitch, but man is she hot.”

“Aren’t you supposed to make me feel better, not worse?” 

Haechan’s face softens and for once in his life, looks a little sorry. “All I’m saying is if you don’t do something soon, someone might do it for you. I overheard her saying something about her and Mark going to spring fling together.”

He’s not wrong, but Mark, at Spring fling? At a Darty? Willingly? His idea of a good time was studying.

“You’re kidding,” you scoff.  “As if he’d be caught dead at something like that.”

“I don’t know (y/n). He doesn’t really have much else to do now that the MCAT is over.”

Right, the MCAT. He took it last week. You mentally slap yourself for not asking how it went. 

“Speak of the devil.” Haechan says quietly, motioning behind you.

There she is through the glass, Yebin, pulling a seat next to Mark, not before sneaking up behind him and planting a fat kiss right on his cheek.

…

Maybe if this were a movie, you’d cry all weekend and he’d make it up to you; But this is real life, so you secretly cry for a week and sulk for the rest of the month, blaming your puffy eyes on seasonal allergies (In real life, Mark can’t make it up to you because he did nothing wrong. He’s also not even aware that you like him, but that’s besides the point).

Despite Haechan’s attempt to convince you that it could’ve been just a friendly kiss, a greeting kiss, a whatever kiss, you insist that you’re done with your little crush, that it had shriveled up and died. Although not so convinced, Haechan drops the subject all together and instead resorts to comforting you in his own way, which mainly just consists of making fun of you about other things.

Mark is a touchy subject, and you’re still avoiding him. Why? You don’t really know. You know it’s not fair to Mark, who is probably very hurt and confused at your lack of communication. Nonetheless, he doesn’t question it, and is so infuriatingly mature with his emotions that you suspect that he even respects it, because he stops texting you after a while. 

You feel bad about stonewalling him, leaving him in the dark, but really, what would you say to him? 

“Sorry-I-haven’t-been-talking-to-you-it’s-just-that-I’m-in-love-with-you-and-I’m-butthurt-that-you-have-a-girlfriend-of-course-it’s-not-really-your-fault-but-”

You shudder at the thought, because it’s just plain embarrassing. 

But really, you’re not the best at expressing your emotions—you’ve never been. Frankly, you’re tired of expressing your emotions because it never got you anywhere. Not with your mom, not with your dad, and definitely not with Yuta, who you dated for a year and half a year just to dump you like you were nothing. 

It’s not worth it, to put your emotions on the line for anyone, not anymore. You locked your heart away a long time ago, and you were a fool to let it come out last time, and you like to think you learn from your mistakes.

At least, that’s what you think, until you return home one Sunday night from the library and see a little cup of your favorite milk tea at the door, with a straw neatly balanced on the top. 

…

When spring fling rolls around, you still haven’t spoken to Mark, and if your friends catch on, they don't mention it. They know by now that you prefer to deal with things alone, to digest them for what they are and then promptly moving on—you know, like processing a death. 

It doesn’t really matter, you think. You and Mark have always been friends, and will always be friends. Nothing more, nothing less. And when you get over yourself, things will be fine. 

But really, how can it be fine when your whole world stops every time Mark looks at you?

You try not to dwell on it, even now weeks later. You’re busy getting ready to go out, blotting your lipstick on some tissue paper in your friend Yuna’s bathroom. 

“(y/n), you look amazing.”

When you turn to look at yourself in the mirror she’s right; The mascara you put on your lashes really brings out the color of your eyes, and your skin (thanks to Yuna’s highlighter compact) is literally glowing. You feel really pretty.

You turn to smile at her. “Thanks to you.” you tell her, and she gets bashful, pushing you out of the seat and ushering you out the door. You make it down stairs no problem, but she calls you as soon as you walk out the door.

“Yes, I have blotting papers with me, and no, I am not dating Haechan I’ve told you thousands of times-”

“What about me?” 

You turn around to find Haechan leaning against the dormitory wall, already waiting. 

Embarrassed, you tell her you need to go and hang up the phone. 

“How long have you been standing here? Hopefully not too long.” You apologize, but he assures you it’s all right.  

“Are you sure your friends are fine with you leaving them early to go with me?”

“Yes Haechan, they’re just happy that I have someone to go with.” you sigh. “Almost too happy.” 

He laughs, after looking at you, he pauses. “You look nice.”

“You do too, Hyuck.”

If you didn’t know any better, you would say he seems embarrassed at your compliment. 

When you walk into the venue, you’re not surprised at how spacious it is. You’re used to your school going all out, from the kale salads and now, spring fling. They might as well call it spring semi-formal, because everyone is dressed their best. 

You see Johnny at the end of the punch table, and he waves, motioning for you two to join him. 

“And my favorite couple,” he greets you two, and you almost smack him upside down the head. 

“Relax, I’m just kidding.” and he leans in for a hug. “How are you (y/n), I haven’t seen you in a second.” 

“I’m good, just been super busy. You were so right, Professor Kim has been really keeping me on my toes in Physics 430,” you laugh. “Every time I walk into the classroom I can feel my life flash through my very eyes.”

He laughs, and you all laugh with him. Johnny tends to have that kind of effect on people.

“How’s Mark?” he asks, and you cringe. “It’s been a while.”

You laugh nervously  “ I haven’t seen him in a while either.”

“Oh really. Don’t you see each other every week?”

“Well we used to,” you panic. “Just not anymore because, you know, I-”

“Because you’ve been so busy,” Haechan finishes.

Johnny gives you two a strange look but continues talking anyway.

“Well that’s life. Poor boy’s been studying for the MCAT like his rent is due tomorrow.”

“More like everyday.” Haechan snickers. 

Johnny doesn’t hesitate to flame Haechan for his insolence, and begins teasing him for almost failing Calc II (Calc II was kind of hard you admit but that is an admission that will die with you), meanwhile, you’re whisked away by Yuna and her entourage. You glance at Johnny and Haechan, who bid you farewell with a nod of their heads.

It’s fun, you’re having a great time dancing, and eating mini hot dogs on a toothpick (you guess your university had to cut corners somewhere). When Roxanne plays, you and Yuna go wild, nearly knocking over a waiter over with a silver tray. You have so much fun, that you forget that Mark Lee exists until you make eye contact across the floor. 

It's no surprise that he’s with Yebin, who looks annoyingly prettier than usual, with her makeup all done and satin dress. She’s pulling him in the opposite direction, but Mark seems to pay no mind, instead staying in place, looking at you. A moment passes, and you see him excusing himself. When he begins to head your direction. You panic. 

Before you can even react, you feel an arm wrap around your waist, pulling you close. When you finally turn to see who it is, you’re nose to nose with none other than Haechan.

“What are you doing?” 

“Just go along with it,” Haechan whispers through his teeth. Your hands are pressed against his chest, and he grabs one of your arms, placing it around his neck.

“Go along with what? Have you lost your mind-” 

Before you can finish your sentence, his lips press against yours and your mind goes blank. He tastes like peppermint and aftershave, with his lips soft in the center and just a little chapped around the edges.  

When you two finally part, Mark is nowhere to be found, and you don’t know how to feel. 

“Haechan I-” you stammer. “I need to go.” 

You hurry off, and he doesn’t follow you. 

…

When you’re outside, it’s  cold; the air is brisk and definitely doesn’t help steady your breathing, it only makes it harder. It’s a lot to process, Mark, Yebin, Haechan. It’s a lot, and you feel like you’re in emotional overdrive, with all the feelings you’ve been trying to keep in for the past few months coming back to bite you.

You sit down at the edge of the fountain outside the venue, and you nearly get soaked. It misses you by mere inches, with the ceramic fish looking at you almost mockingly. You don’t care, with all the thoughts running through your head right now, you think you might go insane. 

You don’t know how long you’ve been sitting there at the fountain when you feel something wrap around you, warm like it was just taken out of the dryer. It smells familiar, like cologne and faintly of antiseptic—it smells like Mark.

You don’t look at him when he sits down next to you, legs open, hands crossed. And he doesn’t look at you. It’s radio silent.

“So you and Haechan, huh.”

“So you and Yebin.” you echo. 

Mark looks at you for the first time, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Oh that.” He shuffles awkwardly. “I don’t really like her like that.”

Your head raises in surprise, and you face each other for the first time in months.

“I thought you guys had a thing.”

Mark scratches the back of his head. “Well we do, but it’s just in her head” he says, and you can’t help but laugh. “She came onto me last week, so I finally set things straight.” Noticing your reaction, he just shakes his head. 

 “I don’t think it worked though,” he adds.

“I would think, you’ve always been too nice for your own good.” 

“I just didn’t want to hurt her feelings, you know?” he murmurs. “I feel terrible.”

“You’re not a terrible person just because you don’t like someone back.”

“Maybe not, but I believe not wanting you and Haechan to be together does.”

It takes a moment for his words to register within you, and even after you process them, you’re not sure what to say.

“We don’t like each other like that.” you interrupt him.

Mark looks visibly confused. “Then you and Haechan aren’t??” his voice falters.

“No more than you and Yebin. I promise you it’s not what it seems like.” you tell him and it finally clicks. You’d have to thank the idiot later. Right after you slap him.

Mark doesn’t question it, not even when you start crying. You don’t question it either, unsure of why you’re crying. 

“You’re so stupid,” you sniffle. “I’ve liked you for so fucking long.” 

Mark pulls out his pocket square to gently wipe the tears from your face, and places his hand on top of yours. 

“You’re ridiculous, you know that? You could have just said something.” his says softly

“I didn’t want to ruin anything. We’ve always just been friends.”

“I think we’ve always been just more than that.” he says, leaning in, hands cup your face gently. 

 “Just took some of us a little longer to realize.”

....

“That was very nice of you,” Johnny says. 

“Yeah. Very nice.” Haechan echos. 

“How long has it been, that you’ve liked her for? Three years?”

“Two going on three.” 

Johnny lets out a low whistle, and looks down at the younger boy worriedly. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Haechan glances at you and Mark through the glass, outside the venue. With Mark whispering in your ear and you laughing, you seem so happy; happier than you’ve ever been with him.

“Yeah, I am. More than okay.”

[tomtenadia]

Island Dreams - Chapter 4

Double feature tonight! Here's chapter 4 as well. Last night I was inspired and I did managed to write a few chapters.

As usual... some Gaelic for you:

A bheil Gàidhlig agad - Do you speak Gaelic? mo charaid - my friend

Some of Elias' words seem funny, but he speaks Scots as well. And he is so damn sexy while doing it.

All the locations I mentioned they are real. Rowan's bookstore it's the only fictional place.

Happy reading!

------

Aelin woke up quite late the next morning. After her fight with Rowan she had spent the day at the marina and wondered around the town. She had felt empty and could not bring herself to do anything. She finally managed to speak with Lysandra and cried. She cried her heart out and her friend had listened. Like she always did. She had gotten home later in the afternoon and felt exhausted. She spent the rest of the afternoon in the living room reading her books. That brought her joy at least, although dreaded going back to shop to collect the last book. She could not face him. Not yet. But that morning she had woken with a renewed motivation. She had prepared breakfast for herself and admitted she missed Maeve’s apple turnovers but could not risk going back there at the moment. She had to put some distance. So she ate her own breakfast, prepared a couple of sandwiches and got her backpack ready for the next adventure. Today she was driving south toward Harris. She had learned that Lewis and Harris were one big islands but Lewis was the Northern part, full of moors and peat land. Harris, was the Southern part, much rockier and with some stunning beaches and a famous road called the Golden road. Ten minutes later she was in the car and ready to go. She set her sat nav and she left. Over an hour later the sat nav announced one last turn to her final destination: Luskentyre beach. She had a look at some photos online and she could not believe such a gorgeous place existed.

She parked the car and opened the door and got out. No internet image had prepared her for the view in front of her. The beach was massive, the stretch of sand never ending and the sand was so white that it almost hurt the eyes. And the sea. It was the purest green mixed with blue that she had ever seen in her life. She was speechless. For ten solid minutes she leaned against the open door of her car and observed the stretch of paradise in front of her, incapable of doing anything else. Trying to burn in her memories the colours. She would take pictures but doubted they would ever do any justice. Finally she moved and grabbed her backpack, locked the car and walked to the beach. Once she reached the sand she removed the shoes. No way she was going to walk on that sand with her shoes on. The sun was up and the sand was warm at the touch and she let the feeling sooth her. Around her there were a few people walking dogs and couples walking hand in hand. A pang of sadness hit her, and absentmindedly she touched the spot where her wedding band should have been hating herself straight after, for missing Chaol. He made his choice. She had given him his freedom. Tears threatened to appear once again but she fought them back and resumed her walk along the beach. She followed the beach and walked in the water ignoring that it was cold. She walked for hours then she decided to sit and eat her lunch. Her sandwich was gross compared to Maeve’s and in her packed there definitely was no chocolate cake. She sighed. A young man was walking his dog and she noticed the animal coming her way. The man called him a few times, but a moment later the dog was at her feet, his tongue lolling from his mouth and was staring at her sandwich. Aelin laughed and gave him a bit and he ate eagerly. “I wouldn’t do it if I were you. You might never get rid of him.” The man was now in front of her and was scratching the dog ears. “It’s fine I was done eating anyway.” And she gave the rest of her lunch to the dog. She lifted her eyes and stared at the man. He was wearing shorts and a navy blue polo shirt. His hair was black as the night and his eyes a light blue edging on grey. Her breath caught and she felt herself blushing. “You are not a local.” He said as a matter of fact. “That obvious?” “Your accent. Definitely not from here.” His smile left her breathless. He had dimples. On both sides. He was quite cute. “Where do you bide?” Aelin looked at the man puzzled “Bide?” “Aye, where do you stay?” Understanding dawned on her. The word must have a different meaning in Scots “I am staying in Stornoway.” “Bonnie place. I live in Callanish. Ye, ken?” Aelin was stuck again. Was he even speaking English? So far all the other people had done their best to speak English with her. “Sorry, bad habit. I didn’t mean to be rude. I meant if you know Callanish.” The man sat beside her on the sand while the dog was running free on the beach. “Yes I was there a couple of days ago. I went to the standing stones. Such a fascinating place.” “I have one of the smaller circles just outside ma hoose.” He confessed turning his head to her “There are actually few more different sites scattered around the area. The main one at the visit centre is Callanish I.” He explained, then he extended his hand “I am Elias by the way. I have been yapping non stop and forgot to introduce myself.” “Aelin,” she said taking his hand. “Aelin…” her name on his tongue sounded perfection “In Gaelic means bright or shining one.” “So, are you a tourist? Visiting friends? Family? Boyfriend?” Aelin giggled “Status uncertain at the moment.” She said, then looked at Elias and explained a bit further “Tourist at the moment, but things might change.” “So, where are ye fae?” She guessed his question and she hoped she got it right “London.” She replied. “Been there for work a few times. I am an engineer and I have been down there for a few conventions.” Aelin was too busy listening at his sexy accent to pay attention to what he was saying and she felt embarrassed when she had to ask to repeat his answer. “Nae worries. I said I am an engineer and I was in London a few times for work.” “Cool what type?” The guy was fascinating and seemed much more willing to chat that a certain grumpy one back in town. “Environmental. I am working with Calmac at the moment. That’s the company that runs the ferry you used to get here if you travelled by sea.” He explained while the dog came back and licked his fingers quite happily. “I am a doctor. I was…. Still am… it’s complicated.” She cut short and noticed the confusion in his face. “Long boring story.” “What type?” “Cardio thoracic surgeon.” He whistled “bad ass woman. Love it.” His grin reached his eyes and she felt heat spread inside her. Definitely more than cute. And those dimples… She was having a good time but she had to keep going, she still had a few things to do. “I am enjoying the conversation but I still have quite a lot to cover.” She stood and turned to him. The main smiled “Of course. Care for some suggestions?” Aelin nodded. “If you are driving south, right after Borve there is another lovely beach. Stop there as well. Not as famous as Luskentyre but amazing as well. Then continue all the way down to Rodel. It’s the village at the end of the road. There is a lovely church called St. Clements. Worth visiting. Once you are past Rodel make your way back via the Golden road. It’s a very narrow road but it’s a pleasure to drive if you want an Hebridean adventure. Once you are almost at the top before Tarbert, make sure you stop in Drinisiader. There is a fascinating wee museum about Harris Tweed. But just hide your purse. They have some amazing stuff and you might want to buy the entire shop. Then you are in Tarbert and from there it’s an easy drive back to Stornoway.” “Tapadh Leat.” She said and Elias gave her a huge grin in response. “A bheil Gàidhlig agad?” He asked and she realised she had to stop trying to use Gaelic. “I just know thank you and good morning.” She explained almost embarrassed. “That’s okay, lass. I am not a native speaker either. I learnt it later on in life. My parents don’t actively speak it, but my gran did. It was the only way I had to communicate with her. My parents were parts of the generation that grew being taught that speaking Gaelic was not proper, so they never did. My mum understands it because of course her mother was a speaker. But she used her dad to translate. It’s a very long complicated story.” He stopped and looked at her. “Looks like we both have a complicated story to tell each other.” Aelin’s stomach fluttered in excitement. He grabbed his wallet and removed a business card from it. “Sorry for being so direct, but you seem quite an interesting person. Call me or message me if you need a guide.” He held the card to her and Aelin debated for a moment whether to take it or not. Lysandra had told her to go to Scotland, enjoy herself and get a Scottish man in the process and forget her ex husband. She took the card “I’ll call you.” “Do it, mo charaid.” She smiled warmly, grabbed her backpack “It was nice meeting you, Elias.”

She was driving along the Golden road and she had to admit that the road was a real adventure. Large enough for a small car to pass, she had to constantly focus on the road to avoid ending in a ditch or in a loch beside the road. But no matter the stress, she was loving it. Until the sheep arrived. One moment she was alone on the road. The next moment she was surrounded by sheep. A massive flock stretched for some length along the road. She got off the car, she took a picture and sent it to Lysandra with the caption traffic jam in the Hebrides. A moment later the phone rang. “Are you kidding me?” “No Lys, I swear I am surrounded by sheep. They are everywhere and I can’t go anywhere. Guess someone will come and collect them soon.” She heard Lysandra laugh “Sounds like you are having a great time.” “I am.” she confessed not entirely convinced. The memory of the fight with Rowan still stung and she was wracking her brain to find a way to fix things with him. She was… intrigued by him. He was brooding, infuriating and handsome at the same time. Plus he was the owner of a bookstore which was not bad. She wanted to be his friend but it looked like he was not interested. He had made that abundantly clear. Nothing I want to give you. Tears threatened to appear once again but she fought, not willing to let sadness spoil such a lovely day. So she had decided to put some distance. She would go to get her book when it arrived and then limit her visits to his shop, for as much as it pained her. He didn’t want to have anything to do with her. Well, she was granting him his wish. “How is going with Aedion?” She changed the subject. “Well, we have only been on a date but he’s great.” “Already planning your wedding?” Aelin joked and Lysandra laughed in reply. “Nah, just imagining having sex with him for now.” “Eew. I didn’t need to know that” “Seriously… the man has amazing hands and I spent the evening thinking what he can do with them. And if all the other parts are just as big as the rest of the body…” “Eewww. Ewwww and eeeeew.” “Since when you are such a prude?” Aelin laughed she wasn’t but she had no interest in listening her best friend talk about her boyfriend’s body parts. “Get a move on finding a man of your own and then you can fantasise about his body parts.” For a brief moment Aelin’s mind thought about Rowan’s hands and… No, stop. She could not go there. That was dangerous territory. “We’ll see.” Was all that she added. “I need you to come back to me happy.” “What if…” she paused for a second “what if I am not coming back?” “What do you mean?” In the distance Aelin noticed a tractor and the sheep began moving again. “Sheep are moving. Gotta go back home.” “Ok. Keep me posted.” She say bye to Lys and she was positive she felt a note of sadness in her friend’s voice.

The sheep finally moved and she spent the journey home mulling over what she had said to Lys. She could not see herself going back to London. Something had broken inside her. Maybe it was her that was broken. With her skills and experience she could easily find another job in another hospital. So why the rejection from one place hurt so much? And Chaol… London was a very big place, the chances of her bumping into him on the streets were minimal. However, they had loads of friends in common. She would have to give up her friends to avoid him. Give up her gym, her favourite bookstore and cafe, because he was a regular in those places too. She would have to give up her life to avoid him and the pain that seeing again would bring. She had felt relieved after the divorce. She still had no regrets. But forgetting almost a decade together was proving more difficult than she expected. She pushed on the breaks quite hard, forced the door open and run to the field near the road. And then she collapsed on her knees and screamed, letting out all the frustration festering in her. Her hands began shaking and she felt the symptoms of a panic attack starting to manifest. Breathing was getting harder. So Aelin stayed in the filed, and cried and shook. Until she had no more tears left in her.

[sim-borg]

Vampire Lore and the Mullens (WIP)

Vampires in my universe are not simply undead humans, they are an entirely different, supernatural species. Therefore, I’ve cherry-picked some vampire lore and written vampire biology for my story.

Vampire powers is mostly based on the Sims 4 Vampire occult system and whatever liberties I decided to take. I will add additional edits to this as needed! Long ass post so click the Read More. 

Aging/Lifespan (1)

1.1 Sims that are born vampire/half vampire age very slowly. In simple terms, they age 4x slower than humans. Once they reach 108 years (approx 27 vampire years) they stop aging entirely.

1.2 There is a phenomenon where vampires that are very old turn into a Nosferatu-like creature. Nobody quite knows what causes it... Some say retirement helps prevent this, some say that it worsens this condition (SEE Immortality 2.4)

1.3 Humans that are turned into a vampire continue to age normally until they reach 27. If they were turned after the age of 27, they remain looking the way they did at that age. (yes, the 155 year old vampire that looks like a child is a top tier trope, but all else considered, I thought it would be too wish-fulfilment-y)

1.4 Ancient Ones are vampires that are older than 800 human years. They tend to have some social power or historical significance to the vampire community in their country of origin. Many have retired. (SEE Immortality 2.4, History 3.1)

Immortality (2)

2.1 Vampires live forever, but can become physically injured and die. Severe injuries that could kill a human could probably kill a vampire. They are especially vulnerable to fire. (SEE Weaknesses 6.6)

2.2 Vampires are not affected by human illnesses. However, illnesses that are unique to the vampire species exist... (I’m still worldbuilding this)

2.3 Vampires can still experience bone and muscle issues, from over-using their powers, or slouching (Fix your posture, Angelo!)

2.4 Some vampires decide to “retire”. They go into a deep hibernation resembling death. Some do this because they get bored with immortality, “retiring” in their coffin somewhere well hidden (a church crypt, beneath their family estate, a cemetery within an established vampire community). If you wake them up it better be for something good... (SEE Aging/Lifespan 1.2, 1.4)

History (3)

3.1 At various points in history, mainly the Middle Ages, there were scattered instances of massacres of vampires if their communities were discovered. Those who have survived through these events through to this day are regarded as Ancient Ones. 

3.2 Vampires have existed for longer than myths about them have. Communities were established and then evolved into places where myths and superstition are strong. (SEE Society 10.6)

Blood and Food (4)

4.1 Blood is the main source of nutrition. Vampires can satisfy their need for blood from drinking from sims, animals, plasma packs, or plasma fruit. Humans are very risky, unless you have willing donors. City vampires may resort to pigeons or rats... (nobody will miss them, anyway!) but their blood isn't very clean. Plasma packs are mass produced from plasma fruit farms. Other, shadier options are out there, but frowned upon. The Vampire League in the area will source and provide plasma packs for free to those who need them, but some vampires on the fringes don’t agree with these establishments. (SEE Society (10)) Plasma packs are also sold in stores owned and operated by vampires. Cafes and restaurants that serve food with blood as an ingredient are also around, but tend not to provide enough daily nutrition. Growing plasma fruit and taking these on their own frequently is viable, but does not provide as many nutrients as fortified plasma packs. There is some debate about whether human blood is better/tastes better than its "vegetarian” alternatives. Whatever their preferred method, the most important thing for a vampire is establishing a steady source of blood. 

4.2 Drinking etiquette varies among communities. Some have no qualms drinking and draining humans, while others avoid killing at all costs. Vampires keep their presence hidden from humans and simply draining and killing them, leaving bodies everywhere could expose their communities to danger. Vampires can drink from a human without killing or turning them. In any case, discretion is imperative. (SEE Humans 9). 

4.3 Vampires do not have the same circulatory system as humans do. They cannot blush, often feel cold, and have no heartbeat. After feeding however, they may feel warmer, and are able to blush for a short time. 

4.4  Vampires can survive on one feeding per week of a minimum of 10 pints, but most spread this out to several feedings over the week. Trying to survive only on 10 pints or less will result in malnourishment and weakness. Vampires generally cannot agree on when is the best time for feeding. It is mostly up to personal preference. In reality, it doesn’t really matter. Feeding starting at the beginning of the week is probably best for efficiency and energy, however. 

4.5 Vampires don’t strictly *need* food to live, but eating won’t make them sick. In fact, eating can give them energy and provide nutrients not found in some methods of getting their blood intake. Sure, if a vampire wanted, they could avoid human food altogether, but honestly, eating food is just enjoyable. Sometimes, eating iron-rich food can even stave off hunger for blood. It is possible to be easily turned off by human food and drink, but this doesn’t count as an allergy or weakness. 

Nocturnality (5) this... isn't a word...

5.1 Nocturnal schedules are preferred within traditional communities, but nowadays, it’s more of a lifestyle choice. The need to stay hidden among humans is especially necessary in this day and age, so most vampires have adapted to human sleep cycles. 

5.2 Having a nocturnal lifestyle may be more efficient for increasing vampiric prowess. An individual will not have to worry about sunlight or spending energy using sunlight resistance powers, and can save their energy for other things. Moonlight is also said to increase power. (SEE Powers 8.4)

Weaknesses (6)

6.1 For sunlight weakness SEE The Sun (7)

6.2 Garlic isn’t a fool proof way of keeping vampires at bay. Like other weaknesses, it is entirely possible to have an intolerance to garlic, but for the majority, simply having garlic around isn’t enough. It can deter vampires but a determined individual will still break into your house (especially if they are starved of blood and you’re the closest blooded creature around). Italian vampires seem to have a special distaste for this generalization..

6.3 Silver is indeed a strong vampire deterrent, stronger than garlic. For vampires, it’s similar to the way some humans are allergic to certain metals or alloys (think earrings). The myth of vampires not appearing in mirrors came out of the common practice of silvering on glass mirrors. Nowadays, aluminium is readily available for this purpose. Similarly, the early development of photographs in the darkroom with silver containing chemicals prevented the vampire’s image from appearing as it was developed. (idea sparked by that one tumblr post about vampires and mirrors and silver that I can’t find anymore. I know that this is sort of a logical leap, I just liked the idea that the myth had existed in this world but also was based on something)

6.4  The Vampire's distaste of crucifixes, holy water, and rosaries are purely ideological. European myths and stories about vampires were objectionable on the grounds of the connotations, symbolism, and stereotypes of vampires as evil, unholy creatures. Crosses will not weaken a vampire, but perhaps make them quite angry with you. 

6.5 Vampires do not need to be welcomed when entering a house. Some however, have a complex caused by superstitions around vampires, have internalized this and will still ask permission.

6.6 A stake through the heart and a decapitation can kill a vampire in the same way it can kill a human. If you really want to kill a vampire in a vampire hunter way, use fire. 

The Sun (7)

7.1 Sticking to Sims canon, Vampires will burn in the sun if their vampire rank is too low. They can avoid burning through leveling up, staying in the shade, or wearing sunblock. Some remedies for sun immunity have been passed along generations, but it’s essentially the equivalent of “natural medicine” and essential oils, with no proof of actual effectiveness. Vampires from different regions of the world have varying degrees of natural resistance to the sun, but are never born with full immunity.

7.2 Studies have shown that the sensitivity to the sun is related to UV rays affecting vampires more than other creatures. Some vampires are actually truly allergic to the sun, and cannot ever achieve sun immunity. 

7.3 Vampires that have been turned will develop intolerance towards UV rays unless they use the methods in 7.1. 

7.4 I’ve simply made the executive decision that vampires are able to get freckles upon exposure to sunlight. 

Powers (8)

8.1 Bat form is one of the first perks of advancing one’s vampire rank. The stronger you become, the easier transforming and maintaining it becomes. As a bat, a vampire is temporarily immune to sunlight. Bat form is greatly beneficial for travelling at night. 

8.2 Super-speed and strength are also perks of your vampire rank. Vampires are born with some degree of increased strength but cannot access super-speed unless they advance in vampire ranks. Over use of these two powers can cause the body to deteriorate faster. 

8.3 Glamours and vampiric charm are high level powers. The lower your level, the lower the strength of your glamour or allure. Whether vampires have the ability to control minds or cast hallucinations is hotly debated. In reality, they can sway humans but not fully control them. Vampiric charm does not work on other vampires. Glamours still appear but a powerful vampire will be able to dispel it. Over usage of these powers can cause abnormal aging. 

8.4 Increased power at night and affinity to the moon is gradually developed with practice, and the higher your rank, the more power you can draw from the moon. Gaining power/studying is more effective at night. There may be connections to increased nighttime power causing decreased daytime power.

8.5 A vampire’s Dark Form is like a power upgrade. These physiological changes to the body allow an individual to harness their powers, as well as gaining a more durable physical form. This uses a considerable amount of vampiric energy, however, and is difficult to maintain. This is why most vampires will only use their Dark Form while engaged in combat. The ability to control (and maintain control over) when to activate their Dark Form is gained by increasing the vampire rank. If one does not learn to control it, they may slip into it when under duress or powerful emotions, positive or negative. Whether or not trauma increases the power of an individual’s dark form is unknown 

Humans (9)

9.1 Humans are usually seen as a threat to vampires as a species, if not as a society. Fraternizing with humans is frowned upon amongst noble and upper class vampires. However, just like humans, vampire society has social classes, and many vampires have made lives practically integrated with humans. To blend in with humans, vampires who use methods of resisting sunlight can keep a diurnal sleep schedule and have a day job. (SEE Society 10.3)

9.2 Feeding on humans is a hot debate amongst vampires.  (SEE Blood and Food 5.2)

9.3 With the advent of vampire social clubs and fascination with the supernatural, some vampires have used this to their advantage. Either by gathering human friends sympathetic to vampires, or gathering a "farm" of willing human blood donors. (SEE Society 10.5)

9.4 The ability to Turn humans is gained as a vampire increases their power. At lower vampire levels, there is a risk of turning a human while drinking from them. Whether or not Turning is an acceptable practice is unclear and varies among groups. Generally speaking, a vampire will not turn an unwilling victim-it does them little good. Turning humans on a whim is not sustainable and perhaps dangerous (they now know for sure vampires are real! And will probably tell someone. Also it's just cruel). Etiquette dictates that once you turn someone, they become your responsibility to guide through their new life. Couples of a human and vampire are even more complicated because of this. (SEE Society 10.5)

Society (10)

10.1 Vampire Leagues are well established vampire organizations. Any densely populated area probably has a vampire community, and also has a chapter of the Vampire League. All chapters are interconnected to each other, although there is not a single headquarters/leader for the organization as a whole. In each country, there is one League chapter that is the representative for the country for legal and business matters. They are registered as a nonprofit social society. Each chapter is self governing. Each league has its own jurisdiction, with headquarters usually in the metropolitan area. Rural communities are usually under the care of one of these chapters. Most leagues operate under the motto of creating and nurturing a diverse and inclusive community. Most do not adopt initiatives to overtake humans, but rather, to keep vampires safe from them. Groups that do so are considered extremists. 

10.2 Gated Vampire settlements, sometimes called havens, are rare and those that exist have deep history. Forgotten Hollow is one such town, as is the ancestral home of the Mullens back in Italy. These communities tend to have their own chapter of the League, or are serviced by a special branch of the League closest to them. These towns are gated-no humans may trespass or live in them. Glamours and similar magic are usually used to keep humans (and other creatures) at bay. To enter, you must be welcomed or led there. These towns are self governing and usually led by whatever family has historical power there, and are unique communities built up over the course of history. Rarely, these settlements have only wealthy occupants, but then are usually considered an area of a human metropolitan settlement. These ones cannot truly be self governing. 

10.3 There is a level of tension between “modern” vampires and noble ones. Modern vampires tend to live in metropolitan areas, and are well integrated with humans. A large portion of the demographic are half-human or were turned recently. Some Vampire Leagues have outreach programs to help these groups connect with the greater vampire community, and provide services. However, they can be regarded with some suspicion as Vampire Leagues may be seen as an elitist organisation. 

10.4 “Noble” is not an official title, but refers to ancient and powerful clans of full-blooded vampires. Ancestry is very important. They are usually wealthy, but simply being a wealthy vampire doesn’t count as being a noble one. Wealth however, can still be a leg up in the ranks of the Vampire League. 

10.5 Vampire Houses are urban groups of modern vampires who live communally without necessarily being related. Some Houses are formed entirely from one vampire Turning humans to gain “offspring”. The relationship dynamics depend on whether one individual operates a cult of sorts, or whether it was a group of friends who just decided they wanted to become immortal. Others are simply a found family of vampires who met under whatever circumstances. When you live forever, it’s nice to have some other immortals around to keep you company (or to manipulate to overthrow the powers that be?). Cult-like houses are condemned  by the Vampire League. Houses of one vampire and their offspring is regarded with suspicion-increasing in numbers is not always a politically neutral act. (SEE Humans 9.4)

10.6 Modern Vampires settle anywhere that suits their needs. Areas that have myths about Vampires or Vampire-like creatures were usually influenced by a large vampire population. Living in a highly superstitious area is a double-edged sword, in that humans may be accustomed to brushing off weird things, but also more wary of the supernatural. (SEE History 3.2)

[theparanormalperiodical]

19 Spooky Things That Happened In 2019 - And The Links To Watch Them Happen!

365 days.

That’s as long as it takes to change the world.

This year, we saw Greta Thunberg take on world leaders, we bore witness to the Time’s Up movement flex its muscles, and we hit share on the first picture of a black hole. Oh, and your favourite blog was started!

And so, as 2019 draws to a close, chances are your Twitter feeds, your TV shows and your conversations will be crammed full of everyone’s own personal take on the year. On top of that, the final few days of the year will also be chock full of existential crises based on every resolution you failed to meet in the last 12 months.

(Until next year, driving licence...)

But regardless of the politics, and aside from those promises you swore to keep all-year-round, there are some events that simply go ignored. Like the spooky ones.

The ones about haunted baby monitors.

The ones about prophecies claiming this pope will cause the end of the world.

And the ones about the Loch Ness Monster’s Chinese cousin.

I wanted to change that. So, today’s article is going to take you through the 19 spookiest thangs that gon’ don’ went down in 2019.

For the last time this year: let’s get spooky!

#1 - A Nanny Cam Picks Up Paranormal Activity In Michigan (March)

It might sound like it’s fresh from the screenplay of some forgotten Paranormal Activity movie, but this tale has the evidence most ghost stories are scraping the bottom of the barrel for:

It may have seemed like a typical night for this Michigan-based family, but the usual practice checking on their child via the baby monitor took a turn for the terrifying.

The footage clearly shows a strange, transparent figure move in front of the crib, and the child watch it. But then, the baby cries, something that has been deduced to a sharp scratch found on its arm shortly after the incident.

An affliction from someone beyond the grave, perhaps?

Apparently so: the parents traced the history of their home back to a former tenant who committed suicide in the apartment.

Here’s the footage:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7cNDGk_loQ

#2 - Lorraine Warren - The Inspiration Behind The Conjuring Universe - Dies (April)

This year we lost a paranormal icon.

Lorraine Warren was one half of the ghost-hunting dream-team that investigated some of America’s - and even some of the UK’s - most haunted places and people.

The inspiration behind the ever-sprawling Conjuring universe, Lorraine was possibly the most famous and established medium in the world, using her gift to communicate with spirits entangled in cases such as the Amityville haunting, the Perron family farmhouse, and the Devil Made Me Do It court case.

Whether it's the silver screen bringing their stories to the fore, or their haunted museum, there’s no doubt that she was pretty damn awesome.

#3 - A New Haunting Is Sighted (And Filmed) At Myrtle’s Plantation (April)

Myrtle’s Plantation may already be haunted by the dark history of slavery in the USA, but it is also famed for its less metaphorical paranormal activity: haunted mirrors, the screams of dying Civil War soldiers, and a young girl sporting a green turban are just a few of the things to see and hear at this Louisiana tourist spot.

Yet despite being opened in 1796, only this year was a new haunting witnessed.

And filmed.

https://video.dailymail.co.uk/preview/mol/2019/04/25/6516021902273592342/636x382_MP4_6516021902273592342.mp4 

The story goes that a young couple were enjoying a romantic visit to the BnB - well, I say romantic, it’s a former plantation - and saw 3 pairs of small, ghostly feet scurry across the floor. When they reported this claim to the staff, it connected yet another dot regarding the paranormal portrait of the area.

It turns out that the ghosts of children are often reported by visitors and staff alike, whether it’s floral fragrances passing through the air, or being poked and touched by invisible hands. This aligns closely with claims that numerous children have died on the plantation as a result of Yellow Fever.

#4 - Zak Bagans’ Haunted Museum Is Temporarily Closed Due To Extreme Paranormal Activity (June)

When you gather enough haunted items together in one building, you expect some spooky-ass shit to go down, right? Well, that’s exactly what happened in June.

Zak Bagans - the mastermind behind hit TV show, Ghost Adventures - has his very own museum dedicated to the supernatural in Las Vegas, and had to shut down an exhibit citing danger to the staff.

Housed in this exhibit was ‘the Devil’s Wheelchair’, supposedly the chair David Glatzel sat in when exorcised as a part of the Devil Made Me Do It court case.

Concerns were first raised when a plug near the chair was yanked out of the wall by an invisible force, and a nearby door swung open in a similar fashion. Following this simple activity was an intensified level of activity which began to threaten the tour guides explaining the exhibit to visitors.

No less than 5 tour guides broke down crying for seemingly no reason whilst near the exhibit, and one even collapsed.

#5 - A Ghost Is Seen In The Love Island Villa (July)

This summertime TV hit might make the headlines for all the wrong reasons, but this story seemed to slip under the radar.

Joanna Chimonides, a rather controversial contestant from this year, claimed a blonde ghost visiting the sleeping contestants and bending over their beds was a common feature of their evenings.

It is what it is. (It’s a reference to the show, ok, I’m down with the kidz.)

#6 - Yet Another Sighting Of The Loch Ness Monster Is Reported (July)

The summer wasn’t just full of young men and women swanning ‘round Majorca “looking for love” - it was also chock full of sightings of Nessie.

Thanks to the warm, calm weather gracing Scotland in July, there was a spike in claims of seeing the beast as anything breaking the surface of the Loch was far easier to see. In fact, by the end of the month we’d had the 12th sighting of the year!

#7 - A Bar’s CCTV Catches A Ghost Doing, Uh, Ghost Things (July)

This year, the Idaho based brewery, Milner’s Gate, shot to viral fame having caught paranormal activity on its CCTV. The staff witnessed strange goings on in the dead of the night via their security footage, and uploaded it to YouTube to show what really happens after dark.

You can clearly see several barstools being pulled out from underneath a bar by an invisible force.

But someone could’ve been hiding underneath the bar, surely? Unfortunately, there was no space for them to hide.

Debate might still rage in the comments section of this YouTube video, but it is an interesting watch - whether you believe, or not.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKXT7Vz9T6k 

#8 - Hobo Hill House Gets Put On Airbnb (August)

Boutique hotels, country cottages, and cosy nooks in picturesque places tend to dominate the listings on AirBnB (AND drive up the prices). But taking in a coastal view isn’t the only option anymore: Hobo Hill House, a 109 year old house tucked away in Jefferson, bears the label ‘haunted’ instead.

Bought in 2017 by its current owners, this house supposedly features a variety of ghosts, and the resulting paranormal activity has amounted to the possession of the 8 year old daughter and their beloved family dog acting cray-cray. Within 7 months they’d got the hell outta there.

Most visitors cannot last the night.

#9 - Another Nanny Cam Sees Another Ghost (August)

It’s been a busy year for ghosts haunting and harassing small infants: in LA, a Nanny Cam app picked up movement of something unseen to the human eye. This brand used coloured splotches to indicate movement, and going by the human-shaped splotches by the crib, this suggested something - or someone - was shifting around the room.

However, the company behind the baby monitor cited poor setup and situation of the camera as the cause of this not-so-supernatural activity.

On top of that, anxious parenting of newborn babies is evidently a common cause of such claims. The debunking of this haunting continues…

#10 - Owlman Is Spotted Once Again - And Caught On Camera (August)

The Owlman of Mawnan Smith might sound like a crappy read you’d pull off a charity shop shelf, but it's actually a legend dating back to the 1920s. The original tale follows 2 teenage girls who saw a half-man, half-owl creature sitting on top of a church tower. The same year, another pair of teens saw the exact same thing.

But it was in the heat of this summer that Owlman struck once again. In August, a paranormal investigator captured footage - and a single photo - of what he claims is the Owlman. Yet beyond the classic blurry picture of something allegedly paranormal is the added experience of snapping the shot:

His team felt this surge of energy, and immediately sensed that this, uh, thing, was demonic. The camera then broke, and scratches soon appeared all over their bodies.

#11 - The Best Footage Of Bigfoot To Date Is Captured (August)

Yes, yes, I know.

Every other day someone is claiming to have witnessed and filmed the greatest evidence of the greatest monster and mystery this planet faces and omg guys drop everything and sub to my youtube channel look its not me in a gorilla suit i swear…

But this year, groundbreaking footage did indeed capture some crazy shizz.

Well, on reflection, ‘groundbreaking’ seems far-fetched for something that smells like yet another hoax. So, what do you think?

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9750471/best-bigfoot-sighting-video-woods/

#12 - Pool Parc Asylum Is Closed Off To The Public (September)

North Wales is home to many things: gorgeous views, even more gorgeous accents, and a haunted mental asylum.

(These are a few of my favourite thingggggss.) 

Naturally, its a magnet to UK-based paranormal investigators who are in search for the next viral video. However, in the Autumn, the owner of the 200 year old manor discouraged visitors from touring the historic building, citing danger from the building’s structural integrity, and the increasingly violent paranormal activity that goes on inside.

Investigators typically witness strong activity, claiming stones behind thrown and bruises to the face are common occurrences for those looking to catch a glimpse of the supernatural.

#13 - The Chinese Loch Ness Monster Is Spotted For The First Time (September)

Is there room for 2 lake-based monsters on this list? Well, there’s gonna have to be.

This year a long, black creature was filmed swimming in the Yangtze, producing a viral video that all investigators of the mysterious seek. 

Was it simply a piece of material floating in the water? Was it merely an over-sized sea snake that was subjected to pollution?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4xRokjH2tkn 

Yet despite the debunking, this is not the first time a creature of similar stature has been seen in China. In 1987, a similar monster was seen in the Kanas lake, and 30 years later, a creature even raised its head out of the water, sparking yet another viral video.

#14 - The Haunting Of The Harper Family (October)

October - obviously the spookiest month of the year - had a spooky start with the Harpers, a family who finally uncovered the truth behind the paranormal activity they experienced in their house.

Their North Wales home has witnessed it all - and I mean it all. Banging noises echoing through the walls, the smell of rotten flesh wafting through the rooms, and items going missing are just a few of the most common occurrences the family have been subjected to.

But on top of that, the mother of the family even watched a small army in clothing and armour from a few odd centuries ago march past the house. This was the hint they needed to trace back their house to Flint Castle, a nearby historic tourist destination.

It is believed that their house is situated on the location of battles gone-by.

This was confirmed in October as footage picked up a large glowing orb floating through their living room. And if you look closely, you can even see a face in the orb.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/family-home-stinks-rotten-flesh-20763536

#15 - Major British Political Moments Happen On The Spookiest Days Of The Year (October, December)

Friday the 13th? Check.

The 31st October? Hell yeah.

It doesn’t get much spookier than that. Throw in some politics, stir 3 times clockwise, and say the magic words:

“Get Brexit done!”

Oh, just fuck off.

#16 - Paranormal Activity 7 Is Announced (November)

If you thought we’d seen enough of Katie and Kristi’s fucked-up childhood, then you were wrong! This year, yet another film was announced for release in 2021 cause why not drag out possibly the weakest series of film the horror genre has ever had to choke down.

As you can see I’m not pissed off, or confused by this decision at all.

Nope.

#17 - Elon Musk’s Spacex Satellite Livestream Captures Footage Of A UFO (December)

Livestreams of outer space are littered with claims of activity that go beyond the realms of our understanding. And it’s for this reason that aliens and UFOs make the headlines everyday based off this footage alone.

But it was this footage captured up in mid-December that was picked up by media across the world.

The livestream showed a white or silver disc-like object stream past a Falcon 9 rocket in a curved trajectory.

“Ah, yes, an upside down bowl flying through the sky - this isn’t news!”

Well, it kinda is, actually. It’s the curved bit that really got people talking; only an intelligently controlled being could make such a movement, sparking the speculations the supernatural revels in.

https://www.express.co.uk/a7b91874-827b-495d-b3cd-db25fe7f2976

#18 - Another UFO Is Spotted Above Las Vegas (December)

Only a few days before Christmas, a white orb was seen passing over Las Vegas, travelling at approximately 1000 miles per hour, and emitting blue and white lights. Not a sound was produced as it flew overhead.

This suspiciously silent craft is yet another sighting witnessed in Nevada, a hotspot for sightings of the supernatural and alien-kind. It is believed to be as a result of the proximity to Area 51.

https://www.express.co.uk/news/weird/1221270/UFO-news-aliens-Christmas-sighting-update-latest-las-vegas-Nevada

“Okay, so it’s yet another UFO sighting… But what’s so special about this one in particular?”

This footage was captured just after the release of official footage taken by the American Navy which shows a glowing UFO. The film shows the pilots stating that there were multiple UFOs there, rousing suspicion among those obsessed with conspiracy theories.

#19 - A Prophecy Claims The World Will End With This Pope (December)

We finish our round-up of the spookiest goings-on of this year with a prophecy dating back nearly 1000 years. Okay, yes, the Mayans seemingly predicted the world would end, like, every year, but this one bears some rather uncomfortable coincidences that can only confirm its potential reality.

And it all starts with this bloke called Archbishop Saint Malachy.

900 years ago, he travelled to Rome from Ireland to give an account of his affairs when he had a vision. He saw the 112 names of the future popes.

His prediction for the 111th - the former pope - was known as “Gloria Olivae”. The 111th pope is Pope Benedict XVI, and this fulfils the prophecy as the Order of Saint Benedict is the “glory of the olives”.

So, there’s a chance his predictions could be correct, right?

"In the final persecution of the Holy Roman Church there will reign Peter the Roman, who will feed his flock amid many tribulations, after which the seven-hilled city will be destroyed and the dreadful Judge will judge the people. The End.”

Our current pope’s father is called ‘Peter’, and despite moving to Argentina, he was born in Italy. 

This is a problem because it is firmly believed that this pope will resign in 2020. So, as our final pope, this means the world might end in 2020.

Great.

So - What’s Your Verdict?

Which event do you think deserves the top spot of totally-terrifying-thing-o’-2019?

And do you really think the world’s gonna end in 2020?

Fancy hearing about more spooky shizz in the new year? Then you best be hitting follow.

[cinnamonbundit]

Dude, I Think I Love You (Prologue)

You made an unlikely friend in local pyromaniac, Charlamagne “Sharky” Boshaw, when you came to Hope County. Now, several months later, you both have been traveling from region to region trying to save as many citizens as possible, while also making sure Sharky didn’t burn down entire forests. Aaaand maybe you both secretly (or not so secretly) have a thing for each other. Smut in later chapters. This fic will not be completely canon because I wanna fix the garbage mess Ubisoft has created. 

Word count: 1306

Warnings: cursing (LOTS), vulgar/promiscuous language, smut (later)

You never thought in a million years you’d be where you are today, but then again what normal person would expect they’d be trapped in bumfuck nowhere surrounded by crazy cultist, who are led by an even crazier family. That fateful day of the helicopter crash/arrest gone terribly wrong had flipped your life upside down both figuratively and literally. 

You’d be lying, if you said you hadn’t at first felt overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Sometimes you even thought that maybe you should’ve just walked right out of that church. But now all your friends and Marshall Burke were gone, taken by those self-righteous dickheads to “save” them. You were all alone aside from Dutch, but of course, Dutch didn’t always make for the greatest conversationalist. You had never felt so alone surrounded by so many people.

You couldn’t wrap your mind around the fact that the weight of Hope County rested on the shoulders of a freaking rookie deputy, who by the way had only been a deputy for a little less than a year. The temptation to just lay down in one of the hundreds of doomsday bunkers built by crazy preppers forever was almost overpowering until..

Until you met him that crazy disco-loving redneck, who probably loved fire more than alcohol, Charlamagne Victor Boshaw IV. He was the first actual person to join you in your fight against the Peggies. Boomer was obviously the first actual fighter you had rescued because hey it was cute dog why wouldn’t you. To be totally honest, it was pure fate you had found Sharky while on your drive.

Subsequent to hearing about the loose cougar in the Whitetail Mountains named “Peaches”, you made plans to take a trip up there from the Hope County Jail. You were just barely out of the jail’s driveway, when you saw the smoke coming from the mountains just ahead.

You sat there debating on whether or not you should head up the dirt road to observe the scene and make sure no one or no thing was harmed. As you drove closer you could just make out the shape of the trailers and the sound of.. Disco music? Did people still listen to that in public let alone recreationally? 

Mildly confused and especially intrigued you kept driving up the path until you finally reached the trailer park. You pulled off to the side and tried to exit the car as quietly as you could not knowing yet what you would be dealing with it. You could never prepare yourself for what greeted you on top of one of the many trailers, holding a flamethrower.

“What up, Shorty! You come for the barbeque?”

“The wha- where the hell are your pants!?”

A smile crept on your face at the memory, and then you were pulled from your thoughts, when said pyromaniac shifted on the bed above you. He had begged for the top bunk, after telling you how once, when he and his cousin Hurk were younger, Hurk had called dibs on the top bunk in their cabin at the Breakthrough Camp. When it came time for them to bed, Hurk had jumped onto his bunk causing the bed to crumble and crush the bottom bunk. Now Sharky would’ve usually thought that sort of thing was the funniest shit ever, if it hadn’t been for the fact that he was laying on the bottom bed and was simultaneously crushed beneath Hurk’s bed. He swore he broke at least two ribs that day… ok maybe it was just his wrist.

A soft snort from his bed broke the silence in the quiet bunker, and you had to stifle a giggle out how cute it was. You couldn’t risk waking him. At least one of you deserved some sleep, after going around all night “kicking names and taking ass” as Sharky put it. You tried to focus on his breathing, hoping it would lull you to sleep…

You were jolted from your sleep when you heard a thud followed by a crash. Looking around the room, you could make out the figure of Sharky, who was only illuminated by the faint glow of the bathroom light, but you could see that he was holding his foot, hopping in nothing except his boxers.

“Oh shit. Did I wake you, Dep?” He said, after hearing a quiet chuckle escape your lips, making you immediately cover up your mouth with your hand as an attempt to stifle your laughter. “A-are you laughing at me, Shorty?”

Through your laughter, you just barely got your reply out. “Sorry, Shark. Are you ok?” You asked once you had collected yourself, only to laugh again at the goofy face he was making as he feigned offense.

“Well, you see I couldn’t see shit because I didn’t want to be rude to Sleeping Beauty and turn the light on in here, so I, very heroically I might add, walked through this creepy ass bunker to take a shower. Then I stubbed my toe on that table and may or may not have knocked off the lamp.” His ramblings sent you into a fit of laughter, which he joined you in. Through your laughter, you dramatically replied, “My hero.. How can I ever repay you for embarking on such a valiant journey?”

“For starters, you can go hop in that shower because no offense, dude, but you kinda smell like Hurk, after Uncle Hurk locked him out of the house for a week and made him sleep in a pigsty, and it’s a real turn off.” You released a snort at that causing a grin to creep onto his face. “Damn, you’re already startin’ to transform, Dep, I think it may be too late,” he said, while leaning back onto the wall behind him with a shit-eating grin on his face. You playfully gasped and threw the pillow from your bed at his head, which he easily dodged. “Shit, Dep! Haven’t you put me through enough pain today!” He said theatrically, while placing a ringed hand on his chest.

“You’re such a dork,” you said through giggles, and you saw his smile return to his face as he leaned his head, hair still wet from his shower, against the wall. “Well alright I guess,” you started, rising from your spot on the bunk bed, “I’ll get in the shower just for you m’liege.” 

He watched you as you slowly sauntered over to him with an unreadable expression on your face before you grabbed ahold of his face and brought it down to you level. His eyes opened wide in shock before you squished his cheeks, forcing his lips into a pout. You lost your composure after seeing his reaction to your closeness and let out a small laugh before starting to speak.

Slowly and quietly with a grin on your face, you mewled, “Sharky,” before you squooshed his face again, which caused him to close those baby browns of his, and shook it slightly. “If you used all the hot water again, I’m gonna kick your ass.” You laughed out, and released your hold on him and (carefully) moved his head back to its spot on the wall with your pointer finger. With that he opened his eyes and sighed watching you walk away and into the bathroom behind him. 

It was no secret that you too had been dancing around each other, after one night at the Spread Eagle where you both got hammered on Mary May’s stash, and ended up drunkenly making out in one of the booths. With his head leaned against the wall he listened to you move around in the small bathroom, before he heard the squeaking of the faucet coming to life, followed by a squeal. He shook his head clear of the sexual thoughts and broke out in a knowing laughter.

“Sharky, you dick!”

A/N

My first crack at fic writing I guess. You may remember me mentioning writing this fic, and obviously this is nowhere near how this whole thing is going down. This chapter is pretty boring cuz I’m just trying to set the mood. I’ll let them have a moment of bliss before chaos insures. I’m still trying to think of a title but I’ll tell y’all when I figure that biz out.

Feedback is appreciated!

[sapphiresea]

Questions For LGBT Ladies #LGBTask Answer them all hehe

questions for lgbt ladies #lgbtask                        

i’ll skip the ones i’ve already done. see previous post for answers.

1 ) how do you define your sexuality? lesbian af.2 ) at what age did you first realize that you like girls? my first crush was at age 8 but i didn’t recognize it as such until i was looking back later. my first inkling was when i was thirteen and my teacher said that one in ten people are gay, which meant at least two or three of us in my class were gay and i was like, “i wonder who the others are,” and then panicked. there were a few times like that and many a woman i ‘admired’ but i didn’t acknowledge it until i was nineteen.3 ) how out are you? pretty out. there’s only a few people left in my regular life who don’t know.5 ) who was the first person you came out to? how did they take it? the first person i told was courtney, who later became my first girlfriend. so that’s how she took it lol.6 ) has coming out lost you any friends? yup. not many, thankfully, but one of my best friends from high school was dating a super-homophobic ( and just all around terrible ) guy and he convinced her to stop being my friend. and considering how disgusted she acted whenever i did talk about my gf at the time, i was kind of over it anyway. i do kind of miss her sometimes though.7 ) what is your current relationship status? in a relationship~8 ) how many gay friends do you have? online? like a billion. offline? like one lmao.9 ) how many male friends do you have? i have a few male friends but only two i’d consider myself close to: peter and miguel.10 ) have you ever cut your hair super short? nope. chin-length was the shortest i ever went and i hated it.11 ) how often do you wear flannel? listen... i counted up all the plaids in my closet a few months ago and it totalled twelve. and i have since bought at least four more. a better question is how often am i not wearing it.12 ) how much do you like cats? i’m currently trying to get a new kitten, so every time someone in the house does something well, i’m like, “wow, you deserve a kitten!” and every time they don’t, i tell them, “that’ll cost you one kitten.” so far no bites. but i really, really love cats.13 ) do you like skirts and dresses? sometimes, if i’m in the mood...which isn’t often.15 ) do you have any tattoos? if so, how many and where? i do. i have two; one on each wrist. on my right wrist is my first tattoo, a triquetra, and on my left is an infinity arrow. i just got that one a week ago.16 ) how accurate is your gaydar? unfortunately my ‘gaydar’ is often very confused with my ‘please-be-gay-dar.’17 ) have you ever been to a gay bar or a gay club? yep. we only really have one here and it mostly tailors to men and straight girls, so i don’t like it that much. i went to a couple out of town. the one in san francisco ( i’m blanking on its name ) was by far the best.18 ) how do you feel when platonic female friends refer to each other as girlfriends? it’s so annoying. straight girls who refer to their female friends as ‘girlfriend’ owe me and all other sapphics $20 cash.19 ) have you ever had a crush on a straight girl? isn’t that, like, the most universal lesbian experience?20 ) ellen or portia? excuse me, what do you mean or ??? they’re the best together. but portia is my actual hero.21 ) is your nose pierced? nope.22 ) would you ever want to get married? if i meet a woman i’m certain i want to spend my life with, absolutely.23 ) will you wear a dress for your wedding? probably. 25 ) have you ever watched the l word? i watched the first season and maybe it makes me a bad lesbian, but i couldn’t get it into it.26 ) have you ever dated a guy? yep. nothing serious, though. i mean i literally gagged kissing one of them, so...27 ) how do you feel when someone uses the word gay to mean stupid, dumb, or boring? they’re probably stupid, dumb, and boring if they’re still using it for that.28 ) how many rainbow items do you own? lmao so many. my favorite recent addition is monty puckers, my stuffed gay gorilla.29 ) have you ever been to a pride festival? i just went to the one in my city last week.30 ) have you ever celebrated national coming out day ( october 11 )? i’ll usually post stuff about it and in support of all my lgbt siblings, but i’ve never uesd it to come out, myself.31 ) have you ever participated in the national day of silence? considering this is the first i’ve heard of it, no. but now i’m going to google to find out more.32 ) have you ever worn a woman’s suit? no, but women in suits 💯👌🏻👅 sign me tf up.33 ) have you ever worn any men’s clothing? i own a couple flannels from the men’s section and a few tees, but not really. i like my stuff more fitted.35 ) do you consider yourself a feminist? absolutely. intersectional, of course.36 ) who is your favorite lgbt celebrity? kate mckinnon, in case you can’t tell from my blog, is my #1. portia de rossi, stephanie beatriz, aubrey plaza, ani difranco, and melissa etheridge are pretty high up there, too.37 ) are you religious at all? yes. i don’t go to church every sunday anymore, but i do consider myself a non-denominational christian.38 ) how often do you find yourself trying to sneak a peak or staring at a cute female? i stare a lot. it’s kind of a problem.39 ) what is your ideal first date? usually for first dates, i like something lowkey where we can just get to know each other. after that, i like stuff like arcades and amusement parks and lots of movie dates and netflix.40 ) are you comfortable with terms such as lezzie, lesbo, or dyke? i’m great with them if they come from other lesbians. if they come from non-lesbians, no. miss me with that homophobic crap. it’s not yours to reclaim.41 ) how outdoorsy are you? i’m allergic to sun, so not very. i love the forest and walking down by the river and visiting elbow falls and such, but i can’t really do much of that anymore without ending up wanting to die.42 ) in general, has being out affected your relationships with other females? sometimes it’s really weird and i do notice them treating me differently, but usually it’s fine.43 ) how much makeup do you typically wear? not a lot, but i do wear a full face any time i’m going out or having company over. i just feel more comfortable with it.45 ) are you more feminine or more masculine? definitely femme. even if i don’t wear the heels.46 ) how long is the longest relationship you’ve been in? are you still with that person? coming up on nine months and yes. 47 ) have you and a girlfriend ever been mistaken for sisters? no. i don’t usually date girls who look enough like me lol.48 ) do you think it is possible for someone to truly be a 50/50 bisexual, or is the percentage always skewed in favor of one gender? i think it’s not my place to decide how other people experience attraction.49 ) have you ever wished you were completely straight? i used to when i was younger. now i’m really glad i’m not because girls are amazing and i love being a lesbian.50 ) do you watch any lesbian youtubers? sometimes. usually stevie or ally hills or hannah hart. i don’t watch any youtubers regularly though.51 ) do you like wearing combat boots or doc martins? motorcycle boots are my jam.52 ) have you ever been hit on by another female? yes. often. and a shining moment for me was being asked out by a girl while waiting for my date ( another girl ) to arrive. ( i said ‘no,’ obviously, but i was proud of myself. )53 ) how athletic are you? 0%. faked injuries to get out of p.e.; only runs when chased.55 ) what is your opinion of septum/bull nose piercings? not really into it, personally, but if that’s what makes you happy, i’m not judging. some chicks look really hot with them.56 ) what does equality mean to you? it means equal rights and protections under the law, but it also means that one day those laws won’t even be needed because people won’t have to be told that we’re human, too. it means no more stupid ass debates about whether companies can deny service to lgbt patrons or idiots on television saying lesbians caused the hurricanes. it means that kids won’t grow up thinking straight is the only option or that they’re somehow bad or wrong for being lgbt. it means we won’t all be assumed to be straight or cis.57 ) if you are not a full blown lesbian, about what percentage of the time do you find yourself attracted to other females? uhhhh? i don’t know? i don’t fall for every girl i see, if that’s the question. i definitely notice when girls are really attractive. 58 ) have you ever shared clothes with a girlfriend? no, but honestly...goals.59 ) have you ever liked or dated a girl with the same name as you? no. that’s, like, one of my main criteria. it would be way too weird. and unfortunately i have one of the most common names for sapphic women around here. i would, however, make an exception for stephanie beatriz. 60 ) how flirty are you? i can be pretty flirty, but usually only with people i’m in relationships with or who have already expressed interest in me.61 ) are you a virgin? no.62 ) do you listen to any lgbt musicians such as tegan and sara, melissa etheridge, or chely wright? all of the above, yes. i almost exclusively listen to lgbt artists, with a few exceptions like rob giles and emily kinney.63 ) have you ever been told that you are too pretty to be gay? yes. which i think is missing the entire point. other girls are too pretty for me not to be gay, and i’m not wasting myself on a dude.65 ) have you ever driven an suv or a pickup truck? i have not, as i am a terrible driver who would like the smallest car possible to avoid collision. i have, however, been picked up for dates in both and yes. a+ 10/10 do recommend.66 ) are you or have you ever been a tomboy? as a kid i always thought i wanted to be a tomboy but was far too girly...turns out i was just in love with the tomboys.67 ) agree or disagree: everyone is at least a little bit gay. disagree. sexuality is fluid for some and less for others.68 ) what personality trait are you most attracted to? sense of humor and kindness.69 ) boobs or butts? eyes. but also boobs.70 ) beer or wine? vodka.71 ) do you have a favorite lesbian movie? up until recently, it was imagine me & you. now it’s for sure a million happy nows. i’m still sobbing.72 ) from 1-10, how attractive are muscular women? 10/10.73 ) from 1-10, how attractive are women who wear glasses? depends on the girl and the glasses but 8-10/10.75 ) from 1-10, how attractive are curvy/plus-size women? 10/10. 76 ) from 1-10, how attractive are women with short hair? i tend toward being attracted to long hair but honestly there are so many stunners with short hair like 15/10.77 ) from 1-10, how attractive are masculine butch women? 10/10. although i usually go for a little femininity. that futch aesthetic is my greatest weakness.78 ) from 1-10, how attractive are highly intelligent women? 10/10.79 ) from 1-10, how attractive are tall women ( i.e. around 6 feet or taller )? wow. lemme climb you. i mean what80 ) have you ever been on your period the same time as a girlfriend? yes? 81 ) has a girl ever dumped you for a guy? no, i don’t think so.82 ) do you carry a purse? i try to avoid it.83 ) do you have any lgbt relatives? my mom’s uncle was gay and had a successful drag show in vancouver, but i was never allowed to meet him before he died. otherwise, nope. just me.85 ) would you ever date a trans girl? i mean, probably.86 ) how well do you think lgbt women are portrayed in television? lol that’s a joke, right? i’ve seen some good reps but usually we’re side characters or killed off and there isn’t a whole lot of diversity, so tv really needs to up its game as a whole.87 ) have you ever had a crush on a woman who’s much older than you? listen... i’m the queen of falling for older women. i once dated a woman who was almost twice my age. although tbh it was a bit of a mistake for other reasons.88 ) do you have any celebrity crushes? do i??? someone find me lauren cohan so i can propose immediately.89 ) do you have any opinions on lgbt people in the military? yeah, my opinion is fuck off with your homophobia and transphobia. someone’s risking their life to keep your company safe, you can shut the fuck up about what’s between their legs or who they choose to spend their lives with.90 ) do you believe in love at first sight? nah. i believe in attraction / crushes / lust and being really drawn to someone, but you can’t know you love someone until you actually know them as a person. otherwise you’re just projecting your ideas of what you want them to be.91 ) would you ever have a threesome? if so, would a guy be included? i’m too jealous for a threesome. i’d just be crying the whole time lmao. and a guy would never, ever be included even if i did somehow change my mind.92 ) where do you think is the best place to meet a potential lover? ideally? out in the wild, like, in class or at a bookstore or something. realistically, on an app like her.93 ) is there such a thing as “good” lesbian porn? i’m sure somewhere out there it exists, but i’ve yet to find it.95 ) how often do you wear a bra? whenever i go out or have company over. if i’m just lounging at home, i don’t tend to bother.96 ) have you ever been part of a softball team? nope. like i said, 0% athletic.97 ) if you could live your life all over again, would you still be attracted to other women? well, it wasn’t really a choice to begin with? but if it was, yes, i would.98 ) what stereotype about lgbt women do you disagree with the most? miss me with that predatory lesbian bullshit.99 ) what advice would you give a girl who is struggling to figure out her sexuality? give yourself time. don’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with. labels can be great, but don’t stress too hard if you don’t know what you are or don’t want to define yourself. just respect yourself and do what makes you happy. and fuck what other people think.100 ) what advice would you give a girl who is struggling to come out? be safe and don’t feel pressured to tell anyone you don’t want to tell. your safety and comfort is top priority.

[lorainelaneyblog]

I’m driving an SUV of [ ]’s. I’m driving all around, though a store, down some stairs. The stairs please me. Finally, I realize I’m running out of gas. The gas pedal isn’t working as well. I drive through a hotel restaurant, and knock a phone off the wall, and a staff member cheerfully asks me about a party or something, but it’s not for me, so I drive on. I get to a rickety stairway or series of ramps with others, and someone mentions, “the environmentalists,” and I know it’s them. Then, briefly, I’m out of the car with an old woman and the ramp becomes a series of planks from which you could fall into the water.

At some point, I have seen an Esso Station, but it’s a water station. Then I’m in the car again, and it’s a boat. I cause a problem with a rope, for a boy who is swimming. He is swimming with his family. 

Next, the boat is at the dock, and I’m with 50 Cent and Lloyd Banks. I ask what this is, ie. a car or a boat. I don’t remember if Fifty answers, or it’s something like “It is what it is.” ie. Don’t be stupid.

Next, I’m cuddling with Fifty and Lloyd in the boat, and I’m making out with Fifty. He’s very good, and I feel like I’m getting wet. He tells Lloyd to enter me, in a way, and then says, annoyed, “Get it out of your ass first.” 

Next, Lloyd and Fifty are taking off their clothes and they’re soft and, I tell him thanks alot because there’s a large crowd and I’m embarrassed that he’s been making out with me, and he’s soft. They’re really small too. Generally, Fifty is very disapproving of me, quite annoyed actually. 

A woman singer is performing. I know the song so I sing a line with her. It’s the crescendo line. She stops, and come over, and asks “Will there be a wedding?” Fifty is just nearby. I tell her “We might not do that, we might have a group marriage, then I correct myself and say, “We are not going to do that, we’re going to have a group marriage.” She doesn’t like me as well as at first. We rub gel on a purse to bleach it or clean it. I tell her I recognize it from Algonquin, and I mean the pattern of lemons, and oranges, and green apples.

Next, I’m talking to [ ], kind of lying beside her, and I ask “What’s going on in boy-?” or something. And she says she’s dating five men, and balks a little when I try to establish the future. She has her construction boyfriend too. The singer is still there, and maybe another woman. They drift off. 

The whole time I have gum. And then Fifty is nearby and again, and I’m aware that my dream routine of pulling my gum off my veneers will displease him. 

An SUV of [ ]'s - I'm aware of how I will have to report to her and that I might get in trouble. I debate whether to tell her about the stairs, and I worry about having to abandon the car.

There are some people around when I drive down the stairs, and I feel pleased that I do it so well. 

The people - It's debatable whether they even notice. This is certainly reminiscent of my nefarious fame. Nobody looks. Nobody says it.

Running out of gas - It is true my letters to Fifty have gotten lame, and the blog has slowed considerably.

A hotel restaurant - This immediately brought to mind that I can't eat properly, and would be another way that 50 Cent disapproved of me. I shouldn't even be there, I thought.

The phone - I look back and see it dangling while the server is talking to me. She's very cheerful, with a bright face. 

The server - She thinks I'm booking a party.

A party - It never is for me. I'm never invited either. Maybe it's the person on the phone, I vaguely wonder, but realize now, the phone is off the hook, because of me. That is true. 50 Cent does appear to be calling, almost off the hook. There are one or two calls almost every day right now. But I'm not sure. It could be the cops.

A rickety stairway or series of ramps - the terrain is getting difficult, usually this means I'm struggling in writing, of course, I'm struggling in every way though, with addiction, with finances, with family, even with clients, since raising my rates.

"The environmentalists" - All I can think of is that this harkens to David Suzuki, and that he will be pleased that there is such a reference. They are mostly older, but, it looks like there's a young woman too, and maybe some, wait, it's hard to tell, there's an older man, a woman, and maybe one or two young men, and more too.

More too - Why is the number undetermined? It is true that I know so little about anything, that I have no idea how many jobs there are in environmental work. Vaguely, I have wondered it.

An old woman - It's a bit unclear, but she could be one of the environmentalists, but it's unclear.

The old woman - trying to navigate the series of planks leading out to the water. Myself, I turn back, but she is still out there mumbling.

Mumbling - indicative of confusion and perhaps, reticence.

Myself - scared of falling into the water.

Water - I've thought of it as consciousness, because I heard that once, perhaps from Patrick, but perhaps not, or in a dream book, but I don't ascribe to that generally, I go with my own--haha--consciousness.

Water - It happens in dreams, and I'm afraid of falling in, and, though I can't think of any particular examples, except one with a rushing river going down the streets, vaguely, that is, I think it has happened before that I fall right in. What are you falling into? Danger? Fear? It's not hot water, it's the ocean, which is fearsome. Also reminiscent of Patrick, and, what one would assume, was a fearlessness of water, being that he was a seaman. That's not me. 

A water Esso Station - Reminiscent of the [ ]'s, since it was they who brought them to my attention, also Vancouver generally. Useless for a car, but then my car turns into a boat. which sinks briefly, and somehow rises up again. I didn't mention that in the initial writing of the dream. Funny. It's true. I think I have been writing to 50 Cent, and devoting myself to him entirely, but it did sink. It's [ ]'s car. The relationship car, I suppose.

Before it sinks, I encounter the boy - He is peeved, or, at least concerned about the rope touching him, as he swims. Then I notice his father swimming a distance away. Then I'm at the dock, and the boat is sinking.

I guess I must always be aware that the boat is likely sinking. I'm aging, and nothing has happened.

50 Cent and Lloyd Banks - They're on either side of me, and I'm sideways making out with Fifty. His kisses are excellent. I'm so disappointed that they're soft, disappointed and embarrassed in front of others. I'm grateful, and I remember this, that I didn't express to him how horny he was making me, as it would have been a further embarrassment. Of course, 50 Cent has made it clear to me, on the ether, that I will not be nudist.

50 Cent and his mean comment to Lloyd - I'm actually confused as to whether Lloyd Banks has his actual dick up his actual ass, like he has been masturbating, or whether it's a mean turn of phrase, like get your head out of your ass. Does it matter? It's indicative of his general sour mood.

50 Cent - mean to Lloyd, disapproving of me.

Why is he disapproving? He is sometimes, but not all the time. But here, he is. Well, except when I tell the singer that it might be, and then will be, a group marriage. There he is listening, and, it's difficult to tell if he is disapproving, or if he's prepared to be disapproving. Maybe I pull it off.

The singer - cheery when she first meets me, because we have bonded briefly, like [ ] from the beach, when I first laid eyes on her, I thought she looked neat in her outfit, and then I lost interest right away. It's happened other times, well, once, notably, with [ ], when I shined at her, and she responded, and I lost interest right away. That's not what happened here exactly, I sung a line of the song, and she took an interest in me, but it quickly faded as I talked. "Will there be a wedding?" Kind of jealous, and this is when it comes to light, that she realizes 50 Cent is my potential husband, and I realize that she knows him. We work on a project together, which is reminiscent of Ottawa, being Algonquin, and also references a college education.

A college education - which I do not even have, though according to God, I actually have a doctoral thesis.

Ottawa - My home now. This bothers me, that I might get a townhouse here, and solidly, once and for all, because social housing knows I'm a prostitute, and--I believe, I have actually said it, but kind of forget, feeling guilty, as I do, for saying I do massages once. The townhouse, it sounds like, might have a washer and dryer, and, perhaps, even a dishwasher, though both are currently somewhat unknowns. This could be imminent as they are asking for more information, or, it could be up to four and a half years. In any case, I don't want to go through another move, and find home, only to be uprooted again, even if it is to move in with the man of my dreams, my soul mate. Is this a little streak of the old independence shining through? It could be. I just want to find home.

Lemons and oranges and apples on a backpack - It's childish, but cute, and also, reminiscent of two purses I had once. Those purses were a lot of fun. And I used them at the beach.

The beach - still remains influential to some extent, over the ether, and to me as a nudist, sort of, Patrick would complain that I hang my boobs out the window when opening and closing it. This is a behaviour that 50 Cent wouldn't stand for. And yet, he does it himself in the dream.

Hypocrisy - reminds me of what [ ] said about [ ], that she was a church goer, contravening the rules of the church and religion when she had a supposed affair, which she later reduced to one kiss. Do I believe her? Not really. But I might have if I had never come up. She looks terrible to me now, and so does [ ].

[ ] - I become bored as I reach this part of the dream, restless, and bored, as I almost always was with [ ]. She is exactly an example of a life I don't want, not hers, but mine with her in it. Mind you, she has a construction worker boyfriend, so she has turned her life around, but I haven't. I'm restless and bored, as always. Further, she says she's dating five men, and is casual about it, not worried like me, who never does anything.

Anything - people think prostitution is anything, but you never choose anyone, or anything. Mind you, God has agreed that sex with men is about choosing nothing.

  My gum and my veneers - a strange end to the dream, but usual, and, as usual, I'm worried about pulling my teeth out. I check them. 

I forgot Lloyd Banks - He is somber, but he takes Fifty's meanness in his stride. It is true that I take most negative emotions in people in my stride. I expect it, I suppose, and I'm never disappointed. They say, on the ether, that they are not like that, but I doubt it, treating me like Eliza Doolittle. 

[purplesurveys]

174

When was the last time you ate out for lunch? September probs. I don’t eat out for lunch as much as I do for dinner, since I’m normally swamped with work at noon. What colour was the last swimsuit you wore? Teal and black, I’m guessing. Is your dream job attainable? I quit the idea of a dream job as soon as I started college. At this point I just want to land somewhere. Have you ever been to an auto show? No, that wouldn’t interest me. Have you ever wondered how flies get away from being swatted so quickly? I never wonder about it but it does annoy me.

Have you read a newspaper today? Nope. I haven’t touched one since this project I had early last year where I needed to analyze the contents of a particular newspaper. What was the last thing you cooked for dinner? I don’t cook. I reheat stuff, but I don’t make anything myself. The last thing I reheated was pasta carbonara. Do you live in the city/town you were born in? I don’t. I moved out of Manila when I was 3 or 4. Can you remember the last song you listened to? Yeah something from One Direction before I closed the Spotify app altogether. Do you know anyone who still doesn't have a smartphone? I know several of my friends’ parents who still have phones with the old keyboard. Have you ever been on a cruise? Yep, once. Best five days ever, except for the third day when the waves were violent and the entire ship was bouncing and everyone was throwing up. What is your favourite kind of fruit juice? I don’t like anything fruit-y. Have you worn a necklace today? I have a necklace on me all the time, yes. Have you ever had an x-ray? Of course. The last one I had was actually the one that revealed I had scoliosis. I haven’t returned since but want to, since I believe my spine has gotten worse. Do your parents smoke cigarettes? Nope. What is your favourite Thanksgiving food? Did you leave the house today? If so, where did you go? I haven’t, but I think Gab is going to pick me up in a while so we can go to Starbucks. When you cook, do you clean as you go or clean it all up at the end? When I *reheat, I’d rather gather everything up first then clean them in the end when I’m all done with my food. I’d be too hungry/impatient to clean as I go. What letter does your surname begin with? C. What is one food you couldn't live without? Sushi. Or sashimi. Or macarons. Do you know how to whistle? Yep, I learned quite early. Have you eaten cake today? No. I haven’t been craving it, so it’s fine. Have you ever tried Turkish coffee? I felt the need to look this up just in case this turned out to be something that isn’t coffee. Hahaha. No I haven’t. When was the last time you were at a church and why? Yesterday. Because my mom has some sort of obsession with the religion and drags her entire family with her every Sunday, much to my dismay. Do you know anyone who was born overseas? Yes I think I have several batchmates from high school. Have you put something in the trunk of your car this week? No. What was the last hot thing you ate for breakfast? Fried rice and hotdogs. Who does most of the chores in your house? My mom, the biggest and craziest control freak I know of. Did you have a New Years kiss this year? No, and I don’t think I would for a while. Gab is usually away with family during that season. Do you prefer to eat carrots raw or cooked? Cooked. I’ve never had it raw. What was the last type of cheese you ate? Cheddar. But UGH I will never forget the ricotta cheese I had in this hotel we stayed at for my mom’s birthday. It was sooooo good I was eating it by itself. My mildly lactose intolerant ass didn’t enjoy it afterwards, but it was worth it. What was the first video game you remember playing? Duck Hunt. Or possibly some ripoff. Idk. We had the Zapper though. Do you have a newspaper or magazine subscription? No, I was never that dedicated to a publication. What is your favourite flavour of Skittles? I seldom have them. What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up today? Debating whether I should go to UP today or nah for like a 3 hour meeting. I ultimately stayed home. Do you get a lot of snow where you live? We get the polar opposite of ‘a lot of snow.’ Have you ever met a famous political figure? Yeah. Well not super famous, but we met a congressman before as part of our requirements for one of my journalism majors. Being in the media brings you places lol. His house was so ridiculously unnecessarily big, it was the first time I truly felt like a commoner LOOOOOOLLLL. One of my high school batchmate’s dad also used to be the mayor of our city but I wouldn’t call him famous. Have you ever lost important information from a computer or laptop? Yes, from before when our stupid old HP laptop kept acquiring viruses so we had to reset all the data over and over like every two years. Do you have to go to school or work tomorrow? NOPE. It’s All Saints’ Day. My favorite thing in the world are holidays that pertain to a religion I don’t even practice. Yay for rest days. Have you consumed dairy today? No. I only had fried chicken and rice today. How do you feel about flying on airplanes? Exciting. Never gets old. What's your favourite sandwich filling? I don’t eat sandwiches all the time but I always give plus points to those that have mayonnaise in them. Have you slept for longer than usual today? No, I woke up early today actually. My girlfriend drove to school today (she never does as she stays in the dorm beside her uni) so I was on red alert from 5 in the morning. I did sleep for three hours this afternoon though, so that was different. Is anybody else in the room you're in? Just my dog, if he counts. Have you ever been to a drive-in theatre? No. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? Never. Do you know if you're left-brained or right-brained? I don’t. Are those accurate? Serious question, help a girl out. If you have a Facebook account, how many friends do you have on it? Last time I checked I think it was at 480 something, but I don’t want to go on there right now just to see ew. Have you consumed alcohol today? If so, what? Nope. What's your go-to website when you're really bored? BuzzFeed. Who was the main cook of your Thanksgiving meal last year? Have you ever donated unwanted clothing? Yeah but ‘unwanted’ is a dangerous word. I always make sure they’re in good condition because you have to be a really crappy person to ‘donate’ stuff better off in the trash can. What is your favourite kind of pie? Chocolate? I dunno, I never eat pie.   Do you remember how old you were when you learned to tie your shoelaces? I was 6, and I had to learn it since we had a test about it in preschool. Who taught you how to ride a bike? I don’t know how to ride a bike :))) Who is the third contact in your phone? Jum. Do you have a passport? If so, how many stamps do you have in it? Yes I do. Too lazy to check though since it’s like in one of my parents’ drawers that are super taken care of. What is your favourite chocolate bar? Twix. Have you ever been dumped really harshly? At least I found out harsh, so yep. Have you ever taken classes for a musical instrument? No, that would be my sister. Do you have your license? If so, what car do you drive? Yep, I have a hatchback Mitsubishi Mirage. Have you ever been on vacation with someone other than your family? No.

[ripsquadentllc-blog]

Coming Out

First off, this is not a post about me coming out the closet. If anything, I’ll have these hoes coming out of them draws once they find out how good of a writer I am. This is a religious coming out. To be more specific, this is historical documentation of me coming to terms with my lack of religious beliefs.

Let’s go back-back in time. Growing up in a black household, I was pretty much indoctrinated into the Christian church. Church was a fairly big part of my childhood. We weren’t super religious, though. My dad wasn’t a deacon and my mom didn’t go around throwing holy water on people. She was from the south, so her roots in the church were probably a lot deeper than my pops’, who was from the east coast. This probably explains why he eventually stopped going to church with us.

I remember my mom waking me and my sister up early as hell every Sunday like it was a school day. I used to ask my mom why didn’t my pops have to go to church. The best answer she could come up with is “Your father is grown. When you grown, you can do whatever you want to do.” As a kid, that answer made a lot of sense. And I took it to heart.

I don’t remember much about our first church, but I do remember it was Baptist and all black. All that means, is it was filled with a bunch of upitty old black people hooting and hollering and pretending to “catch the holy ghost.” This is when I started hating church. Not only was I missing early morning cartoons, but I was always bored out of my mind. The only good thing that happened to me there was discovering Kirk Franklin. That nigga can make some good ass music. This was around kindergarten/1st grade. 

Even though I hated church, I still believed in God and Jesus and all that other shit. I used to say grace before I ate and bedtime prayers before I slept. I even remember crying when I went to see House on Haunted Hill, because I thought God would be mad at me for watching it. That and it scared the shit out of me for some reason. I could watch any other scary movie just fine. That was the 1st time me and my pops left in the middle of a movie at the theaters. Looking back, I was acting like a little bitch, but I was young and didn’t know any better. I’m sure my pops made fun of me after that. 

In the 3rd grade, I decided to conduct an experiment to see if God was real. To be more specific, I wanted to test whether or not prayer changed anything. At this point, I was going to an all black Christian private school. I had just been put in detention for something. Probably talking in class. I was so afraid of my parents finding out. I probably was receiving an ass whooping every few weeks for something bad I did at school. This one would’ve been the worst one yet, though. I decided to pray as hard as I could. I asked God to protect my little ass from my pops’ belt. I did my time in detention and my pops picked me up afterwards. My teacher never told my parents what happened.

It was a miracle! It was almost too good to be true. That was the 1st time I prayed for something and actually got it. I started thinking, though. Would the outcome have been the same whether I had prayed or not? I decided to test this by not praying any more. I wanted to see if my life would have any major changes if I stopped praying completely. My hypothesis checked out. I realized good things don’t happen because you pray for them; they just randomly happen the same way bad things do. That’s when I discovered that God was no different from Santa Claus. (Yeah, I was that kid telling all his friends Santa wasn’t real.) In the 4th grade, I said fuck God and embraced atheism.

Fast forward to high school. I was really feeling myself back then. I was still apart of the parochial school system and had been attending a white Lutheran church up until freshman year. The Lutheran schools and churches had the best Christian teachings in my opinion. They were so sure that they were right that I was required to study not only Christianity, but every other major religion as if they weren’t all essentially the same. The goal was to give me enough knowledge to defend my faith. All they had done for me was arm me with the knowledge to tear down any Christian theories.

My homeboys on my football team weren’t big on debating religion, so they were no fun when it came to the topic. I wasn’t arrogant enough to impose my lack of belief on my friends, however. They didn’t even realize I was an atheist until around junior year. They were shocked initially, but by then our friendship was strong enough to overshadow what any of us believed. We would rather argue over who the best rapper was any way.

My teachers on the other hand, had a few things to say. They didn’t find out I was athiest until my senior year. Ironically, I joined two gospel choirs that year. I figured it would help me get over my fear of singing in front of people. Plus I wanted to improve my singing technique. On top of that, the best singers are black church singers. On top of that, my girlfriend at the time was a choir director. I admired her pipes. She could really blow. And she had a fat booty.

Any way, back to my teachers. The 1st teacher that confronted me about my amazingly open mind was actually my religion teacher/football coach. Dude was super religious to the point where it seemed kind of creepy. Being a white guy with a thick ass pedofile mustache didn’t help either. He called me into his office and we chatted for a little while. He asked why I didn’t believe and I told him my 3rd grade detention story. He seemed pretty understanding. He told me prayer really does work and sent me on my way. I gained a little respect for him after that, just because he didn’t try to force Jesus down my throat like I was expecting.

The 2nd teacher to confront me was my football/basketball coach. I respected him because he was black, smart, cool and he genuinely wanted to help young black men succeed in life. He confronted me in front of the class one day. I’m sure he heard about my beliefs from the 1st coach or a teammate. He asked me why I didn’t believe. Instead of telling him my full story, I simply said, “The Bible is unbelievable.” He then asked me, “Why don’t you just believe just in case God is real?” Not only could I not believe in a god, but I couldn’t believe this silly ass question he asked me. I then had to explain to him that I highly doubt his “all-knowing” God would fall for something so childish. I went on to tell him that I couldn’t control my beliefs. If something seems wrong to me, I can’t trick my brain into believing it’s true.

(Damn, this is a long post)

{To read the rest of this shit, go to http://muffynman.com.}