#dear mt

[metamusings]

wednesday, 27 december, 2023 | 18:56

i had the dream again. with the long twisted corridors and tiny goblin men. the dream where i always end up half-awake by the middle and there's a little man standing at the foot of my bed with a spear pointed at my face and a hand hovering above my leg. i try my best not to move -- i don't want it touching me -- but also can't move my head or neck to get a better angle to look at him. he just stands there. and hovers. and eventually my leg or his hand moves and touches the other and there's a flinch as he completes the contact and i'm just housing shock in my body.

i had the dream again. yanno, the not-quite hallways and the not-quite people and the not-quite but evidently, completely, sleep paralysis. i had the dream again and i woke up -- actually woke up -- filled with such panic that the fact i didn't call you impressed me.

i had the dream again. and processed the dream again. and processed having to process the dream again.

i had the dream again and, for once, i didn't call you.

(and of course i remembered you after, as what else would this be for, but the fact of the matter is that the remembering happened After, not During; it's still a win in my book.)

-colin

[agendratum]

kiseki: dear to me as text posts (1/?)

bonus:

[cutiecat48]

to go along with the previous post , i have some doodles of the goofballs to share too :-3

the lullaby skit series put so many thoughts in my head LIKE the one episode where they went to the hex maniac’s haunted house [ night of the hex maniac ; episode 6 i believe ? ] and they had that RANDOM drop that red and gold were brothers ; i took that headcanon and ran with it and it’s my favorite hc for my lullaby au by far i think . ANDLIKE the au doesn’t follow the plot of the skit series fully [ and there are episodes i need to binge ! ! ! ! ] cuz like i said it’s only based off of it all , but yea they’re all living together and being a bunch of idiots as always . . . . . . may talk about it more eventually but idk ! ! !

currently fixated on my ocs [ they have me in a constant chokehold it’s unhealthy ] BUT i wouldn’t ever leave these little goobers :-)

[ you could never guess who my fav is no way nuh uh ]

[ge]

tangchung survives the war au where they have a cozy little wedding compiled of all their closest family members and they live with both the tang family and mount hua sect depending on what seasons it is.. they live on mount hua together in the early winter/spring/early summer months (when the plum blossoms bloom) and live in the tang sect late summer/autumn/late winter months

[b0n3l3ssbaenanas]

wow. she really said she was a “modern” musical theatre girlie and then proceeded to voice disdain for two of the most genre defining contemporary musicals by two of the most genre defining contemporary musical theatre composers 🙄🙄

there can be no next to normal without company ANNA. if that’s even your real name… 🙄🙄

[seeinganewlight]

not to talk about deh in the year of our lord 2024, but i'm listening to mallory bechtel's version of requiem and i have some things to say (that i've said multiple times before but will say again)

requiem is the best song in deh

the version that mallory sings that is just zoe is the superior version and this should've been a solo zoe song

the show as a whole would've been so much better (and interesting) if it had been from zoe's point of view

[touchmycoat]

not an ask but i’m so happy you got into d20!!!!! it’s such a fun time. i hope you’ve been writing still! i love your writing and i’m always amazed at the depth of your work whenever i revisit it because surely it can’t be that good-and it is!

YOU'RE FAR TOO KIND MY LOVE. holy shit but is d20 a banger, consider me totally obsessed. I'd worried for a second about following a weekly release since I'd consumed most of d20 by binge, but that was a stupid worry. Fucking loved fantasy high junior year week by week, absolutely going buck wild over Never Stop Blowing Up now.

I have been writing...significantly less TT mostly 'cause I've picked up other crafts (I made a skirt the other day!!). The finiteness of time is so damn cruel!!! I need to schedule my crafts on a cycle—week-by-week devotion to one craft then the next so I always have something to look forward to.

BUT!! I've joined the Scum Villain big bang this year <3 the application required a full outline so I'm devoted hahaha. Time to start writing my lil heart out.

[mimir97477906]

my new oc teehee>_<

[youdonthavetocallmedarlinnn]

A part of me wonders if he'll find reasons to not be with me when he gets home from rehab. Like somehow, they'll say that I'm the cause of his relapsed. He didn't call yesterday, and my brain went a million places except to the logical place of "he was starting new medication, and he was probably just tired." I don't know why I have to imagine 1000 stupid scenarios. That's still the first day I've gone without his voice in 2 years. I didn't cry when I made my coffee this morning, but I am crying now. Why couldn't I see the signs. Why couldn't I stop it? Then I wouldn't be sitting here alone. Am I some horrible person who didn't realize the person I love most was in pain? I just want this 45-60 days to be over. I just want my life back. The one I thought I was supposed to be living right now. I'm just grieving all that was and everything feels fucked up. I don't really have anyone to truly talk to because everyone has their own lives. I feel so fucking alone and there was a time where I didn't mind being alone. Now I can't stand it. I just want to wake up, and this is all a dream, and he's beside me, and nothing bad has happened. I know I'm stronger than this, but I'm just not doing well these days.

[seoafin]

these crazy ass gojo stans be testing me truly 😭😭

[notebookmusical]

do i have news for u:

(x)

[metamusings]

wednesday, 17 may, 2023 | 23:59

m,

Sometimes I have to remind myself:

I had a life before you; I'll have a life after.

While I oft yearn for our time once spent,

I know that I lived without you once.

I'll be able to live without you again.

Until then, I shall try and think of you fondly.

No matter how you haunt me.

No matter how changed songs sound or food tastes or places look.

I've been dead to you a long while.

I hope I'll let you go the same way soon.

Despite it all, I love you. Despite it all, I miss you.

Despite it all, I hope you're doing well.

I don't want you yearning in the same way that I've been.

I couldn't bear it.

It's been almost a year since you left me

and I wish I was able to say I've finally left you too.

Damn you, you silly man. Damn you.

- j

[agendratum]

[snowshinefivez5]

Lovely Collab w/ @doodleanimates6605 🤣 both their oc(Robyn) and mine (Argos) have traumatic pasts being princes. They are doing better though! Support them here

[piercintyre78]

Pretty wild how in “Dear Sigmund” Sidney is just like—and then there’s this Hunnicutt fellow. He’s basically like that volcano on Pompeii. Just. Wait. For. It.

[tillman]

too far gone in my millia as eddies host thoughts im like writing a fake xx noncanon ending for it in my head it lives so fucking rent free