#dear god please help there are rare bears and we need to kill them all | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

turnpage · 3 years ago

Text

send me a ✐ for a random sentence starter from my muse (1-1500) — tw: profanity, mild nsfw, long list

generator here quotes compiled from here inspired by

feel free to change to fit your preferences as need.

❨1❩ ❛ They are dreams, but I’m too out of control, I lose myself in them, and I’ve already lost too much to let them take over. ❜  ❨2❩ ❛ Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters. ❜ ❨3❩ ❛ I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in. ❜ ❨4❩ ❛ Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside of us, and sometimes, they win. ❜ ❨5❩ ❛ The world's a hard place. It doesn't care. It doesn't hate you and me, but it doesn't love us, either. ❜ ❨6❩ ❛ The tears that heal are also the tears that scald and scourge. ❜ ❨7❩ ❛ Pull your act together and just go on. ❜ ❨8❩ ❛ I had never dreamed there could be so much pain in a life when there is nothing physically wrong. I hurt all the time. ❜ ❨9❩ ❛ Tough old world, baby. If you're not bolted together tightly, you're gonna shake, rattle, and roll before you turn thirty. ❜ ❨10❩ ❛ Are you sure self-pity is a luxury you can afford? ❜ ❨11❩ ❛ Truth comes out. In the end it always comes out. ❜ ❨12❩ ❛ Living by your wits is always knowing where the wasps are. ❜ ❨13❩ ❛ No matter where you go, the same asshole gets off the plane. ❜ ❨14❩ ❛ We sometimes need to create unreal monsters and bogies to stand in for all the things we fear in our real lives. ❜ ❨15❩ ❛ That’s your job in this hard world, to keep your love alive and see that you get on, no matter what. ❜ ❨16❩ ❛ Human nature, baby. Grab it and growl. ❜ ❨17❩ ❛ God wiped snot out of his nose and that was you. ❜ ❨18❩ ❛ Run away. Quick. And remember how much I love you. ❜ ❨19❩ ❛ How many times, over how many years, have I—a grown adult—asked for the mercy of another chance? ❜ ❨20❩ ❛ I was suddenly so sick of myself, so revolted. ❜ ❨21❩ ❛ You listen to me. I’m going to talk to you about it this once and never again this same way. ❜ ❨22❩ ❛ But those pieces, they’ll never fit just the same way again. Never in this world. ❜ ❨23❩ ❛ Dying is a part of living. You have to keep tuning in to that if you expect to be a whole person. ❜ ❨24❩ ❛ Officious little prick. ❜ ❨25❩ ❛ I’ve been sleepwalking again, my dear. — The plants are moving under the rug. ❜ ❨26❩ ❛ How I wish you were fear. ❜ ❨27❩ ❛ But it was a dreadful kind of curiosity, the kind that makes you peek through your fingers during the scariest parts of a scary movie. ❜ ❨28❩ ❛ All we have is time, you know. An eternity of time. Or shall we end it? Might as well. After all, we're missing the party. ❜ ❨29❩ ❛ We all remember our pleasant dreams more clearly than the scary ones. ❜ ❨30❩ ❛ The way things should be and the way things are hardly ever get together. ❜ ❨31❩ ❛ Got to be regular if you want to be happy. ❜ ❨32❩ ❛ But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. ❜ ❨33❩ ❛ He showed me his scars, and in return he let me pretend that I had none. ❜ ❨34❩ ❛ Humbling women seems to me a chief pastime of poets. As if there can be no story unless we crawl and weep. ❜ ❨35❩ ❛ It is a common saying that women are delicate creatures, flowers, eggs, anything that may be crushed in a moment's carelessness. ❜ ❨36❩ ❛ If I had ever believed it, I no longer do. ❜ ❨37❩ ❛ I thought once that gods are the opposite of death, but I see now they are more dead than anything, for they are unchanging, and can hold nothing in their hands. ❜ ❨38❩ ❛ I cannot bear this world a moment longer. ❜ ❨39❩ ❛ I have a better idea. I will do as I please. ❜ ❨40❩ ❛ All my life has been murk and depths, but I am not a part of that dark water. I am a creature within it. ❜ ❨41❩ ❛ You cannot know how frightened gods are of pain. There is nothing more foreign to them, and so nothing they ache more deeply to see. ❜ ❨42❩ ❛ When we are young, we think ourselves the first to have each feeling in the world. ❜ ❨43❩ ❛ When I was born, the word for what I was did not exist. ❜ ❨44❩ ❛ But perhaps no parent can truly see their child. When we look we see only the mirror of our own faults. ❜ ❨45❩ ❛ I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. ❜ ❨46❩ ❛ This is what it means to swim in the tide, to walk the earth and feel it touch your feet. This is what it means to be alive. ❜ ❨47❩ ❛ You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you. ❜ ❨48❩ ❛ Yet because I knew nothing, nothing was beneath me. ❜ ❨49❩ ❛ If now I am wise, it is only because I have been fool enough for a hundred lifetimes. ❜ ❨50❩ ❛ You can teach a viper to eat from your hands, but you cannot take away how much it likes to bite. ❜ ❨51❩ ❛ Give me the blade. Some things are worth spilling blood for. ❜ ❨52❩ ❛ I have been old and stern for so long, carved with regrets and years like a monolith. But that is only a shape I’ve been poured into. I do not have to keep it. ❜ ❨53❩ ❛ I wake sometimes in the dark terrified by my life's precariousness, its thready breath. ❜ ❨54❩ ❛ Understanding the world is a matter of keeping very still and showing no emotions, leaving room for others to reveal themselves. ❜ ❨55❩ ❛ Beneath the smooth, familiar face of things is another that waits to tear the world in two. ❜ ❨56❩ ❛ The truth is, men make terrible pigs. ❜ ❨57❩ ❛ My father has never been able to imagine the world without himself in it. ❜ ❨58❩ ❛ This is the grief that makes our kind choose to be stones and trees rather than flesh. ❜ ❨59❩ ❛ Witches are not so delicate. ❜ ❨60❩ ❛ Those who fight against prophecy only draw it more tightly around their throats. ❜ ❨61❩ ❛ I learned that I could bend the world to my will, as a bow is bent for an arrow. I would have done that toil a thousand times to keep such power in my hands. ❜ ❨62❩ ❛ There's the story, then there's the real story, then there's the story of how the story came to be told. Then there's what you leave out of the story. Which is part of the story too. ❜ ❨63❩ ❛ The best way of being kind to bears is not to be very close to them. ❜ ❨64❩ ❛ Life is warped. I'm just in sync. ❜ ❨65❩ ❛ Now it's a whisper from the past. ❜ ❨66❩ ❛ But hatred and viciousness are addictive. You can get high on them. Once you've had a little, you start shaking if you don't get more. ❜ ❨67❩ ❛ Why is it always such a surprise? The moon. Even though we know it's coming. Every time we see it, it makes us pause, and hush. ❜ ❨68❩ ❛ Perfection exacts a price, but it's the imperfect who pay it. ❜ ❨69❩ ❛ What is 'belief' but a willingness to suspend the negatives? ❜ ❨70❩ ❛ I have scars, inside me. ❜ ❨71❩ ❛ The dead are not entirely dead but are alive in a different way; a paler way admittedly, and somewhat darker. ❜ ❨72❩ ❛ However dark, a darkness with voices in it is better than a silent void. ❜ ❨73❩ ❛ Amazing how quickly the past becomes idyllic. ❜ ❨74❩ ❛ It is another way of saying tough luck. To people you aren’t going to help out. ❜ ❨75❩ ❛ I'm waiting, far off in the future. ❜ ❨76❩ ❛ The only sure camouflage is unpredictability. ❜ ❨77❩ ❛ There are so many of them, and each one of them is doing part of the killing, whether they know it or not. ❜ ❨78❩ ❛ First rule: limit bloodshed by making sure that none of your own gets spilled. ❜ ❨79❩ ❛ I long to swim in liquid moonlight. ❜ ❨80❩ ❛ That's right, I don’t like to be summoned on trivial matters. ❜ ❨81❩ ❛ The part that really made me happy was that you wanted me to be happy. ❜ ❨82❩ ❛ Cut that part out of us: the grinning, elemental malice. Begin us anew. ❜ ❨83❩ ❛ Where there are wars, there will be crows, the carrion-fanciers. And ravens too, the warbirds, the eyeball gourmands. And vultures, the holy birds of yore, old connoisseurs of rot. ❜ ❨84❩ ❛ At last. It's you. ❜ ❨85❩ ❛ No, you will not be cooked on a fire when you die. Because you are not a fish. ❜ ❨86❩ ❛ Take what the moment offers. Don’t close doors. Be thankful. ❜ ❨87❩ ❛ How many others have stood in this place? Left behind, with all gone, all swept away. ❜ ❨88❩ ❛ Is it disapproval or extreme lust? With some men it’s hard to tell the difference. ❜ ❨89❩ ❛ My hair was driving me crazy, but then … I died. ❜ ❨90❩ ❛ Seek and ye shall find, eventually. And you found. You’re right, I don’t dispute that. Sorry. ❜ ❨91❩ ❛ Everything digests, and is digested. ❜ ❨92❩ ❛ My head was once a filing cabinet. Now it’s a flurry of papers, floating on a draft. ❜ ❨93❩ ❛ You cannot keep bumping your head against reality and saying it is not there. ❜ ❨94❩ ❛ I have a feeling that inside you somewhere, there’s something nobody knows about. ❜ ❨95❩ ❛ And if I don’t want to die, I’ve got to start living. ❜ ❨96❩ ❛ The world is a beautiful place. Don’t forget that. And don’t miss it. ❜ ❨97❩ ❛ I was fighting for my life. So I must not want to die. ❜ ❨98❩ ❛ Something’s happening to me, through me, something dangerous and new. ❜ ❨99❩ ❛ It’s taken root, a poison tree; it’s grown, fanning out, vines winding round my gut, my lungs, my heart. ❜ ❨100❩ ❛ We’re interpreters. We’re translators. ❜ ❨101❩ ❛ You’ll notice I’m not asking what made you this way. ❜ ❨102❩ ❛ No family, happy or unhappy, is quite like any other. Tolstoy was chock-fullo’shit. Remember that. ❜ ❨103❩ ❛ We lived in monochrome those nights. ❜ ❨104❩ ❛ You live in a dream. You’re a sleepwalker, blind. How do you know what the world is like? ❜ ❨105❩ ❛ Do you know, if you rip off the fronts of houses, you’d find swine? ❜ ❨106❩ ❛ I stand here in the dark: cold, utterly alone, full of fear and something that feels like longing. ❜ ❨107❩ ❛ The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. ❜ ❨108❩ ❛ Not to warm the flesh, but solely to please the eye. ❜ ❨109❩ ❛ Selective emotional detachment. ❜ ❨110❩ ❛ Not for me, or at least not today. ❜ ❨111❩ ❛ Dead but not gone, watching life surge forward around me, powerless to intervene. ❜ ❨112❩ ❛ Do I sound like a hillbilly saying that? ❜ ❨113❩ ❛ Remember, you’ve got your secret weapon. ❜ ❨114❩ ❛ The dream drains away like water. The memory, really. I try to scoop it up in my palms, but it’s gone. ❜ ❨115❩ ❛ My shadow stretches along the carpet, as though trying to detach itself from me. ❜ ❨116❩ ❛ It curls away from me, like blood in water. ❜ ❨117❩ ❛ It’s been so long since I felt the rain. Or wind—the caress of wind. ❜ ❨118❩ ❛ But snow I never want to feel again. ❜ ❨119❩ ❛ Through adversity to the stars. ❜ ❨120❩ ❛ No hero. No sleuth. I am locked in. I am locked out. ❜ ❨121❩ ❛ Thinking hasn't gotten me anywhere so far. ❜ ❨122❩ ❛ The face you give the world tells the world how to treat you. ❜ ❨123❩ ❛ Sometimes I think illness sits inside every woman, waiting for the right moment to bloom. ❜ ❨124❩ ❛ Women get consumed. ❜ ❨125❩ ❛ Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you're really doing it to them. ❜ ❨126❩ ❛ A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort. ❜ ❨127❩ ❛ Safer to be feared than loved. ❜ ❨128❩ ❛ I ached once, hard, like a period typed at the end of a sentence. ❜ ❨129❩ ❛ It's impossible to compete with the dead. I wish I could stop trying. ❜ ❨130❩ ❛ I always feel sad for the girl that I was. ❜ ❨131❩ ❛ Every time people said I was pretty, I thought of everything ugly swarming beneath my clothes. ❜ ❨132❩ ❛ How do you keep safe when your whole day is as wide and empty as the sky? Anything could happen. ❜ ❨133❩ ❛ See, there I am. I told you I lived. I told you I was. ❜ ❨134❩ ❛ Sometimes I think I won't ever feel safe until I can count my last days on one hand. ❜ ❨135❩ ❛ To refuse has so many more consequences than submitting. ❜ ❨136❩ ❛ I'm here. I don't usually feel that I am. ❜ ❨137❩ ❛ I'm tired of dying. ❜ ❨138❩ ❛ What if you hurt because it feels so good? ❜ ❨139❩ ❛ How confusing to live in the shadow of a shadow. ❜ ❨140❩ ❛ Do you ever feel like bad things are going to happen, and you can’t stop them? You can’t do anything, you just have to wait? ❜ ❨141❩ ❛ Sometimes my scars have a mind of their own. ❜ ❨142❩ ❛ Everyone has their own version of a memory. ❜ ❨143❩ ❛ Isn’t a smile a girl’s best weapon? ❜ ❨144❩ ❛ My sense of weightlessness, I think, comes from the fact that I know so little about my past. ❜ ❨145❩ ❛ Do what I want; I might like you. ❜ ❨146❩ ❛ I feel sorry for Persephone because even when she’s back with the living, people are afraid of her because of where’s she’s been. ❜ ❨147❩ ❛ She has never told me she loved me, and I never assumed she did. ❜ ❨148❩ ❛ The sight of it actually does something to you, makes you less human. ❜ ❨149❩ ❛ It infects you. It ruined me. ❜ ❨150❩ ❛ Your health is not a debt you just cancel. The body collects. ❜ ❨151❩ ❛ Men love to put things inside women, don’t they? ❜ ❨152❩ ❛ We can know only that we know nothing. And that is the highest degree of human wisdom. ❜ ❨153❩ ❛ Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women. ❜ ❨154❩ ❛ The strongest of all warriors are these two — time and patience. ❜ ❨155❩ ❛ If everyone fought for their own convictions there would be no war. ❜ ❨156❩ ❛ There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth. ❜ ❨157❩ ❛ The whole world is divided for me into two parts: one is she, and there is all happiness, hope, light; the other is where she is not, and there is dejection and darkness. ❜ ❨158❩ ❛ Let the dead bury the dead, but while I'm alive, I must live and be happy. ❜ ❨159❩ ❛ It's not given to people to judge what's right or wrong. People have eternally been mistaken and will be mistaken, and in nothing more than in what they consider right and wrong. ❜ ❨160❩ ❛ You can love a person dear to you with a human love, but an enemy can only be loved with divine love. ❜ ❨161❩ ❛ If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed. ❜ ❨162❩ ❛ We are asleep until we fall in love! ❜ ❨163❩ ❛ I simply want to live; to cause no evil to anyone but myself. ❜ ❨164❩ ❛ Everything I know, I know because of love. ❜ ❨165❩ ❛ Man cannot possess anything as long as he fears death. But to him who does not fear it, everything belongs. ❜ ❨166❩ ❛ If there was no suffering, man would not know his limits, would not know himself. ❜ ❨167❩ ❛ Yes, love, but not the love that loves for something, to gain something, or because of something, but that love that I felt for the first time, when dying, I saw my enemy and yet loved him. ❜ ❨168❩ ❛ How can one be well...when one suffers morally? ❜ ❨169❩ ❛ Kings are the slaves of history. ❜ ❨170❩ ❛ God is the same everywhere. ❜ ❨171❩ ❛ Pure and complete sorrow is as impossible as pure and complete joy. ❜ ❨172❩ ❛ One must be cunning and wicked in this world. ❜ ❨173❩ ❛ We love people not so much for the good they've done us, as for the good we've done them. ❜ ❨174❩ ❛ When one's head is gone one doesn't weep over one's hair! ❜ ❨175❩ ❛ For what, for whom, must I kill and be killed? ❜ ❨176❩ ❛ He did what heroes do after their work is accomplished; he died. ❜ ❨177❩ ❛ Life is too long to say anything definitely; always say perhaps. ❜ ❨178❩ ❛ Everything ends in death, everything. Death is terrible. ❜ ❨179❩ ❛ The distant and impossible suddenly became near, possible, and inevitable. ❜ ❨180❩ ❛ How often we sin, how much we deceive, and all for what? ❜ ❨181❩ ❛ The wolves should be fed and the sheep kept safe. ❜ ❨182❩ ❛ When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. ❜ ❨183❩ ❛ My memory is a patchwork of occurrences, of discontinuous events roughly sewn together: the parts I remember, I remember precisely, whilst other sections seem to have vanished completely. ❜ ❨184❩ ❛ Would it be worse to love someone who is no longer there, or not to love someone who is? ❜ ❨185❩ ❛ Like mirrors stories prepare us for the day to come. They distract us from the things in darkness. ❜ ❨186❩ ❛ It is not that I was credulous, simply that I believed in all things dark and dangerous. ❜ ❨187❩ ❛ Sometimes you do things you regret, but there's nothing you can do about them. Times change. Doors close behind you. You move on. ❜ ❨188❩ ❛ Love will be an impulse that will inspire and ruin in equal measure. ❜ ❨189❩ ❛ He died alone. It don't matter a rat's ass whether there was anyone with him or not. He died alone. ❜ ❨190❩ ❛ It was love, I knew, and it tasted like champagne in my mind. ❜ ❨191❩ ❛ The end of the world is a strange concept. The world is always ending, and the end is always being averted, by love or foolishness or just plain old dumb luck. ❜ ❨192❩ ❛ She was my dream; and if you touch a dream it vanishes, like a soap bubble. ❜ ❨193❩ ❛ Daylight is always safe. ❜ ❨194❩ ❛ If not for death, they'd be content to simply exist, but with death, well, their lives will have meaning. ❜ ❨195❩ ❛ You want to know the future, love? Then wait. ❜ ❨196❩ ❛ There are things in the darkness beneath us that wish us harm. ❜ ❨197❩ ❛ Fairy tales are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated ❜ ❨198❩ ❛ But sometimes you leave blood on your instruments. ❜ ❨199❩ ❛ I'd like to be a wolf. Not all the time. Just sometimes. In the dark. I would run through the forests. ❜ ❨200❩ ❛ You've seen them. They have mouths that twitch, and eyes that stare, and they babble and they mewl and they whimper. ❜ ❨201❩ ❛ They are not mad, or rather, the loss of their sanity is the lesser of their problems. ❜ ❨202❩ ❛ Good a reason for writing as I know: releasing demons, letting them fly. ❜ ❨203❩ ❛ That miserable state in which everything seems flat and of equal importance; when nothing matters, and in which reality seems scraped thin and threadbare. ❜ ❨204❩ ❛ Someone had scrawled graffiti in black marker on the metal: JUST DIE, it said. Like it is easy. ❜ ❨205❩ ❛ Winter started today. The sky turned grey and the snow began to fall and it did not stop falling until well after dark. ❜ ❨206❩ ❛ Memory is the great deceiver. ❜ ❨207❩ ❛ Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way. ❜ ❨208❩ ❛ I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control. ❜ ❨209❩ ❛ If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. ❜ ❨210❩ ❛ I always deserve the best treatment because I never put up with any other. ❜ ❨211❩ ❛ But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. ❜ ❨212❩ ❛ I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other would have borne it. ❜ ❨213❩ ❛ There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves. ❜ ❨214❩ ❛ One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. ❜ ❨215❩ ❛ Better be without sense than misapply it as you do. ❜ ❨216❩ ❛ You must be the best judge of your own happiness. ❜ ❨217❩ ❛ Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing ; but I have never been in love ; it is not my way, or my nature ; and I do not think I ever shall. ❜ ❨218❩ ❛ Indeed, I am very sorry to be right in this instance. I would much rather have been merry than wise. ❜ ❨219❩ ❛ If I have not spoken, it is because I am afraid I will awaken myself from this dream. ❜ ❨220❩ ❛ If a woman doubts as to whether she should accept a man or not, she certainly ought to refuse him. ❜ ❨221❩ ❛ Faultless in spite of all her faults. ❜ ❨222❩ ❛ A heroine whom no one but myself will much like. ❜ ❨223❩ ❛ There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart. ❜ ❨224❩ ❛ Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, and waste its fragrance on the desert air. ❜ ❨225❩ ❛ I pity you. I thought you cleverer. ❜ ❨226❩ ❛ Evil to some is always good to others. ❜ ❨227❩ ❛ I certainly will not persuade myself to feel more than I do. ❜ ❨228❩ ❛ She is loveliness itself. ❜ ❨229❩ ❛ Time does not compose me. ❜ ❨230❩ ❛ A man always imagines a woman to be ready for anybody who asks her. ❜ ❨231❩ ❛ I do not find myself making any use of the word sacrifice. ❜ ❨232❩ ❛ I am quite enough in love. I should be sorry to be any more. ❜ ❨233❩ ❛ I must tell you what you will not ask, though I may wish it unsaid the next moment. ❜ ❨234❩ ❛ I examined my own heart. And there you were. Never, I fear, to be removed. ❜ ❨235❩ ❛ With all your little faults, you are an excellent creature. ❜ ❨236❩ ❛ You have another long walk before you. ❜ ❨237❩ ❛ The child's laughter is pure until he first laughs at a clown. ❜ ❨238❩ ❛ What is marriage but prostitution to one man instead of many? ❜ ❨239❩ ❛ Out of the frying pan into the fire! ❜ ❨240❩ ❛ We must all make do with the rags of love we find flapping on the scarecrow of humanity. ❜ ❨241❩ ❛ She sleeps. And now she wakes each day a little less. ❜ ❨242❩ ❛ And, oh, God . . . how frequently I weep! ❜ ❨243❩ ❛ From the coffin of your madness there is no escape. ❜ ❨244❩ ❛ I am feeling supernatural tonight. I want to eat diamonds. ❜ ❨245❩ ❛ All the same there is a chance that if we keep on shaking our chains, one day, some day, the clasps upon the shackles will part. ❜ ❨246❩ ❛ It was sad music fit to make you cut your throat. ❜ ❨247❩ ❛ Nothing is more boring than being forced to play. ❜ ❨248❩ ❛ Amongst the monsters, I am well hidden; who looks for a leaf in a forest? ❜ ❨249❩ ❛ Wherein does a woman’s honour reside? In her vagina or in her spirit? ❜ ❨250❩ ❛ Perhaps...I could not be content with mere contentment! ❜ ❨251❩ ❛ Have you ever stared stark failure in the face? The trick is to outstare it. ❜ ❨252❩ ❛ Sometimes it seems that the faces exist of themselves, in a disembodied somewhere, waiting for the one who will wear them, who will bring them to life. ❜ ❨253❩ ❛ I have the febrile gaiety of a being without a past, without a present, yet I exist. ❜ ❨254❩ ❛ I felt myself turning, willy-nilly, from a woman into an idea. ❜ ❨255❩ ❛ She looks wonderful, but she doesn't look right. ❜ ❨256❩ ❛ The one-eyed man will be King in the country of the blind. ❜ ❨257❩ ❛ I raised you up to fly to the heavens, not to brood over a clutch of eggs! ❜ ❨258❩ ❛ I love to hear my bones rattle. That’s how I know I’m alive. ❜ ❨259❩ ❛ I learnt, first, as the birds do, from the birds. ❜ ❨260❩ ❛ Inside and outside match exactly, but both are badly wrong. ❜ ❨261❩ ❛ During the less-than-blink of time it took the last chime to die, there came a vertiginous sensation. ❜ ❨262❩ ❛ I fear a wound not of the body but the soul, an irreconcilable division between myself and the rest of humankind. ❜ ❨263❩ ❛ I fear the proof of my own singularity. ❜ ❨264❩ ❛ Still nothing could calm the fearful storm in my erupting skin. ❜ ❨265❩ ❛ Petersburg, loveliest of all hallucinations. ❜ ❨266❩ ❛ A breathless second between black forest and the frozen sea. ❜ ❨267❩ ❛ I'm beginning to feel totally cut off from the world. ❜ ❨268❩ ❛ What does this all mean? Where are we? ❜ ❨269❩ ❛ Sometimes I bleed. ❜ ❨270❩ ❛ If you see a ghost, you say "hello". ❜ ❨271❩ ❛ The war is not over. ❜ ❨272❩ ❛ You're not going. You left us once already. ❜ ❨273❩ ❛ You can’t go! ❜ ❨274❩ ❛ I loved you, but that wasn't enough, was it? ❜ ❨275❩ ❛ If you're dead, then leave me in peace. ❜ ❨276❩ ❛ The only thing that moves here is the light, but it changes everything. ❜ ❨277❩ ❛ I won't ask for forgiveness for something I didn't do! ❜ ❨278❩ ❛ Sometimes the world of the living gets mixed up with the world of the dead. ❜ ❨279❩ ❛ Death of a loved one can lead people to do the strangest things. ❜ ❨280❩ ❛ Sooner or later, they will find you. ❜ ❨281❩ ❛ They're everywhere - they say this house is theirs. ❜ ❨282❩ ❛ You're always teasing me, and telling lies. I'm sick of it. ❜ ❨283❩ ❛ Others will come. Sometimes we'll sense them. Other times, we won't. ❜ ❨284❩ ❛ No crying now. No crying. Stop that. Here. Look what an awful face you've got when you cry. ❜ ❨285❩ ❛ You listen to me. I've seen them too. ❜ ❨286❩ ❛ You'll see. There are going to be some big surprises. There are going to be... changes. ❜ ❨287❩ ❛ Why did you go and fight that stupid war that had nothing to do with us? Why didn't you stay like the others did? ❜ ❨288❩ ❛ Your place was here with your family. ❜ ❨289❩ ❛ So you say you know this house well? ❜ ❨290❩ ❛ I wasn't expecting you so soon. ❜ ❨291❩ ❛ What's the matter? Has the cat got your tongue? ❜ ❨292❩ ❛ You mean they just vanished? Into thin air? ❜ ❨293❩ ❛ No door must be opened without the previous one being closed first. ❜ ❨294❩ ❛ Here, most of the time, you can hardly see your way. ❜ ❨295❩ ❛ Whatever you do, don't open the curtains. ❜ ❨296❩ ❛ Now, come on. Eyes closed. ❜ ❨297❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. We realise that we’re all going to die, without really finding out the big answers. ❜ ❨298❩ ❛ By definition, you have to live until you die. Better to make that life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨299❩ ❛ I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. ❜ ❨300❩ ❛ And the reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨301❩ ❛ Love does not exist, it's like religion, made to control you. ❜ ❨302❩ ❛ After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. ❜ ❨303❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨304❩ ❛ Everything in the street today seems soft focus. ❜ ❨305❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low. ❜ ❨306❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty, and you're still fuckin’ miles off the pace. ❜ ❨307❩ ❛ It’s as if everything is a copy of what you knew before, similar, yet somehow lacking in its usual qualities, a bit like the way things are in a dream. ❜ ❨308❩ ❛ It’s all okay, it’s all beautiful; but I fear that this internal sea is going to subside soon, leaving this poisonous shite washed up, stranded up in my body. ❜ ❨309❩ ❛ It cuts me up. It confuses me. ❜ ❨310❩ ❛ It's not funny laughter. This is lynch mob laughter. ❜ ❨311❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨312❩ ❛ They mean well, and they mean well to me, but there's no way under the sun that they can appreciate what I feel, what I need. ❜ ❨313❩ ❛ The pit of melancholy is a bottomless one, and I am descending fast. ❜ ❨314❩ ❛ Living like this is a full-time business. ❜ ❨315❩ ❛ I’ll stand or fall alone. ❜ ❨316❩ ❛ We are no wiser now than at the start. ❜ ❨317❩ ❛ This is pathetic, and fucking boring. ❜ ❨318❩ ❛ Death is usually a process, rather than an event. ❜ ❨319❩ ❛ We're ruled by effete arseholes. What does that make us? ❜ ❨320❩ ❛ We are all acquaintances now. ❜ ❨321❩ ❛ The problem is that this beautiful ocean carries with it loads of poisonous flotsam and jetsam. ❜ ❨322❩ ❛ Life is beautiful. I'm going to enjoy it, and I'm going to have a long life. ❜ ❨323❩ ❛ The grim reality of impending death can be talked away by trying to invest in the present reality of life. ❜ ❨324❩ ❛ There must be more to life than this. ❜ ❨325❩ ❛ We all see what we want to see. ❜ ❨326❩ ❛ Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be killed by a member of your own family or a close friend, than by anyone else. ❜ ❨327❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨328❩ ❛ Maybe that's what love is: it's being pissed off. ❜ ❨329❩ ❛ You can forget who you are if you're alone too much. ❜ ❨330❩ ❛ Any religion is a shadow of God. But the shadows of God are not God. ❜ ❨331❩ ❛ Human understanding is fallible, and we see through a glass, darkly. ❜ ❨332❩ ❛ We must be a beacon of hope, because if you tell people there's nothing they can do, they will do worse than nothing. ❜ ❨333❩ ❛ Everyone wants to feel like a princess, and princesses are selfish and overbearing. ❜ ❨334❩ ❛ We shouldn't have been so scornful; we should have had compassion. But compassion takes work, and we were young. ❜ ❨335❩ ❛ How easy it is, treachery. You just slide into it. ❜ ❨336❩ ❛ Amazing how the heart clutches at anything familiar, whimpering: Mine! Mine! ❜ ❨337❩ ❛ All creatures know that some must die ; that all the rest may take and eat. ❜ ❨338❩ ❛ Is this the image of a god? My tooth for yours, your eye for mine? ❜ ❨339❩ ❛ Without the light, no chance; without the dark, no dance. ❜ ❨340❩ ❛ Why are we designed to see the world as supremely beautiful just as we're about to be snuffed? Do rabbits feel the same as the fox teeth bite down on their necks? Is it mercy? ❜ ❨341❩ ❛ Love is useless, it leads you into dumb exchanges in which you give too much away, and then you get bitter and mean. ❜ ❨342❩ ❛ Maybe sadness is a kind of hunger. Maybe the two go together. ❜ ❨343❩ ❛ Now I can see how that can happen. You can fall in love with anybody -- a fool, a criminal, a nothing. There are no good rules. ❜ ❨344❩ ❛ If you really want to stay the same age you are now forever and ever, try jumping off the roof: death's a sure-fire method for stopping time. ❜ ❨345❩ ❛ You couldn’t leave words lying around where our enemies might find them. ❜ ❨346❩ ❛ I'm fine, for the moment. And the moment is the only time we can be fine in. ❜ ❨347❩ ❛ Because if you can't wish, why bother? ❜ ❨348❩ ❛ It's better to hope than mope! ❜ ❨349❩ ❛ Reality has too much darkness in it. Too many crows. ❜ ❨350❩ ❛ In any case, time is not a thing that passes, it’s a sea on which you float. ❜ ❨351❩ ❛ I know I’m deceiving myself, but I prefer to deceive myself. I desperately need to believe such pure joy is still possible. ❜ ❨352❩ ❛ Too much God and you overdose. God needs to be filtered. ❜ ❨353❩ ❛ Behind my eyelids I saw an animal. It was golden colour, with gentle green eyes and canine teeth, and curly wool instead of fur. It opened its mouth, but it did not speak. Instead, it yawned. ❜ ❨354❩ ❛ ‘Why can't I believe?’ I asked the darkness. ❜ ❨355❩ ❛ Everyone’s too sad for everything. ❜ ❨356❩ ❛ If you can’t stop the waves, go sailing. ❜ ❨357❩ ❛ I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary. ❜ ❨358❩ ❛ Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them. ❜ ❨359❩ ❛ In the end, we'll all become stories. ❜ ❨360❩ ❛ I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead. ❜ ❨361❩ ❛ If you knew what was going to happen, if you knew everything that was going to happen next—if you knew in advance the consequences of your own actions—you'd be doomed. You'd be ruined as God. ❜ ❨362❩ ❛ If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. ❜ ❨363❩ ❛ Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results. ❜ ❨364❩ ❛ Time in dreams is frozen. You can never get away from where you've been. ❜ ❨365❩ ❛ Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? ❜ ❨366❩ ❛ We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly. ❜ ❨367❩ ❛ If I love you, is that a fact or a weapon? ❜ ❨368❩ ❛ You fit into me like a hook into an eye. ❜ ❨369❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people puts you in their power, they have a claim on you, you are forced to understand their reasons for doing things and then you are weakened. ❜ ❨370❩ ❛ Farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. ❜ ❨371❩ ❛ Women have curious ways of hurting someone else. ❜ ❨372❩ ❛ This is the one song everyone would like to learn: the song that is irresistible: the song that forces men to leap overboard in squadrons. ❜ ❨373❩ ❛ Get rid of death. Make it be spring. ❜ ❨374❩ ❛ You are innocent as a bathtub full of bullets. ❜ ❨375❩ ❛ I am the space you desecrate as you pass through. ❜ ❨376❩ ❛ Favour me and give me riches, destroy my enemies. Save me from death. ❜ ❨377❩ ❛ She is a raw voice loose in the rooms beneath me. ❜ ❨378❩ ❛ Isn't the moon warm enough for you, why do you need the blanket of another body? ❜ ❨379❩ ❛ This is a torch song. Touch me and you'll burn. ❜ ❨380❩ ❛ If you look long enough eventually you will see me. ❜ ❨381❩ ❛ I would like to sleep with you, to enter your sleep as its smooth dark wave slides over my head. ❜ ❨382❩ ❛ I would like to give you the silver branch, the small white flower, the one word that will protect you from the grief. ❜ ❨383❩ ❛ But some people can't tell where it hurts. They can't calm down. They can't ever stop howling. ❜ ❨384❩ ❛ How else can we live, these days, except in the midst of ruin? ❜ ❨385❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨386❩ ❛ Gods always come in handy, they justify almost anything. ❜ ❨387❩ ❛ We loved with a love that was more than love. ❜ ❨388❩ ❛ Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ❜ ❨389❩ ❛ The boundaries which divide life from death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins? ❜ ❨390❩ ❛ There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the proportion. ❜ ❨391❩ ❛ Never to suffer would never to have been blessed. ❜ ❨392❩ ❛ Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear. ❜ ❨393❩ ❛ And all I loved, I loved alone. ❜ ❨394❩ ❛ Years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute. ❜ ❨395❩ ❛ The best things in life make you sweaty. ❜ ❨396❩ ❛ There are some secrets which do not permit themselves to be told. ❜ ❨397❩ ❛ Anything is better than this agony. ❜ ❨398❩ ❛ You fancy me mad. ❜ ❨399❩ ❛ I hear all things in the heaven and in the earth. ❜ ❨400❩ ❛ Who dares insult us with this blasphemous mockery? ❜ ❨401❩ ❛ Leave my loneliness unbroken! ❜ ❨402❩ ❛ A more than fiendish malevolence, gin-nurtured, thrills every fibre of my frame. ❜ ❨403❩ ❛ The fury of a demon instantly possessed me. I knew myself no longer. ❜ ❨404❩ ❛ Let my heart be still a moment. ❜ ❨405❩ ❛ You call it hope — It is but agony of desire. ❜ ❨406❩ ❛ Who has not, a hundred times, found himself committing a vile or silly action for no other reason than because he knows he should not? ❜ ❨407❩ ❛ To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths! ❜ ❨408❩ ❛ The beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage. ❜ ❨409❩ ❛ Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive. ❜ ❨410❩ ❛ I have been happy, though in a dream. ❜ ❨411❩ ❛ Nevermore. ❜ ❨412❩ ❛ The truth is, I am heartily sick of this life. ❜ ❨413❩ ❛ I am convinced that every thing is going wrong. ❜ ❨414❩ ❛ The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls. ❜ ❨415❩ ❛ And if I died, at least I will have died for you! ❜ ❨416❩ ❛ It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. ❜ ❨417❩ ❛ Hurt and humiliation — But this, I can not take. ❜ ❨418❩ ❛ The walls in there have ears. ❜ ❨419❩ ❛ This is for your ears only. ❜ ❨420❩ ❛ What is it? You have me scared. ❜ ❨421❩ ❛ Whoever isn’t for us, is against us. ❜ ❨422❩ ❛ You are just a body; to be dumped, disposed of like a carcass, left out for the birds to feed on. ❜ ❨423❩ ❛ The dead will have to forgive me. ❜ ❨424❩ ❛ From now on and no matter how your mind may I change, I will not accept your help. ❜ ❨425❩ ❛ If death comes, so be it. There will be glory in it. ❜ ❨426❩ ❛ Live, then; and live with your choice. ❜ ❨427❩ ❛ I am doing what has to be done. ❜ ❨428❩ ❛ Nothing is going to stop the ones that love you from keeping on loving you. ❜ ❨429❩ ❛ Worst is the man who has all the good advice, and then because his nerve fails, fails to act in accordance with it, as a leader should. ❜ ❨430❩ ❛ Only a loony would walk himself into this. ❜ ❨431❩ ❛ Why do you need such fences and defences? ❜ ❨432❩ ❛ Enough. Do not anger me. ❜ ❨433❩ ❛ The gods, you think, will side with the likes of him? ❜ ❨434❩ ❛ Watch it. You are over stepping. ❜ ❨435❩ ❛ I warn you. You should keep a civil tongue. ❜ ❨436❩ ❛ There is no such thing as an oath the can not be broken. ❜ ❨437❩ ❛ Every now and then, the things you’d hardly let yourself imagine, actually happen. ❜ ❨438❩ ❛ And you stand over this? This is the truth? ❜ ❨439❩ ❛ The bigger the resistance, the bigger the collapse. ❜ ❨440❩ ❛ Iron that’s forged the hardest, snaps the quickest. ❜ ❨441❩ ❛ Even the wildest horses come to heel when they are reined & bitted right. ❜ ❨442❩ ❛ That’s how guilt affects some people. They break and everything comes out. ❜ ❨443❩ ❛ Will it be enough for you? To see me executed? ❜ ❨444❩ ❛ So you know something no one else knows? ❜ ❨445❩ ❛ They know it too. They are just too afraid to say it. ❜ ❨446❩ ❛ If you die, how will I keep on living? ❜ ❨447❩ ❛ There was a star riding through clouds one night, & I said to the star, 'Consume me'. ❜ ❨448❩ ❛ How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. ❜ ❨449❩ ❛ Alone, I often fall down into nothingness. I have to bang my head against some hard door to call myself back to the body. ❜ ❨450❩ ❛ I am made and remade continually. Different people draw different words from me. ❜ ❨451❩ ❛ For this moment, this one moment, we are together. ❜ ❨452❩ ❛ Come, pain, feed on me. Bury your fangs in my flesh. Tear me asunder. ❜ ❨453❩ ❛ I am as neat as a cat in my habits. ❜ ❨454❩ ❛ Everything falls in a tremendous shower, dissolving me. ❜ ❨455❩ ❛ I am the foam that sweeps and fills the uttermost rims of the rocks with whiteness; I am also a girl, here in this room. ❜ ❨456❩ ❛ We are cut, we are fallen. We are become part of that unfeeling universe ❨457❩ that sleeps when we are at our quickest and burns red when we lie ❨458❩ asleep. ❜ ❨459❩ ❛ These moments of escape are not to be despised. They come too seldom. ❜ ❨460❩ ❛ Up here my eyes are green leaves, unseeing. ❜ ❨461❩ ❛ The moment is all; the moment is enough. ❜ ❨462❩ ❛ I do not want to be admired. I want to give, to be given. ❜ ❨463❩ ❛ I am not one and simple, but complex and many. ❜ ❨464❩ ❛ And if you are dead, I shall weep. ❜ ❨465❩ ❛ But beauty must be broken daily to remain beautiful. ❜ ❨466❩ ❛ But our hatred is almost indistinguishable from our love. ❜ ❨467❩ ❛ I desired always to stretch the night and fill it fuller and fuller with dreams. ❜ ❨468❩ ❛ Life is a dream surely. ❜ ❨469❩ ❛ I think sometimes I am not a woman, but the light that falls on this gate, on this ground. I am the seasons, I think sometimes, January, May, November; the mud, the mist, the dawn. ❜ ❨470❩ ❛ Oh, I am in love with life! ❜ ❨471❩ ❛ I have been knotted; I have been torn apart. ❜ ❨472❩ ❛ There was no freedom in life, and certainly there was none in death. ❜ ❨473❩ ❛ I do not know. I do not know myself sometimes, or how to measure and name and count out the grains that make me what I am. ❜ ❨474❩ ❛ I ride rough waters, and shall sink with no one to save me. ❜ ❨475❩ ❛ I am above the earth now. I am no longer upright, to be knocked against and damaged. ❜ ❨476❩ ❛ I see it all. I feel it all. ❜ ❨477❩ ❛ Death is woven in with the violets. Death and again death. ❜ ❨478❩ ❛ We have been walking for hours it seems. But where? I cannot remember. ❜ ❨479❩ ❛ If we were all on trial for our thoughts, we would all be hanged. ❜ ❨480❩ ❛ When you are in the middle of a story it isn't a story at all, but only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass. ❜ ❨481❩ ❛ Murderess is a strong word to have attached to you. It has a smell to it, that word; - musky and oppressive, like dead flowers in a vase. ❜ ❨482❩ ❛ Sometimes at night I whisper it over to myself: Murderess, murderess. It rustles, like a taffeta skirt across the floor. ❜ ❨483❩ ❛ If the world treats you well, you come to believe you are deserving of it. ❜ ❨484❩ ❛ If I am good enough and quiet enough, perhaps after all they will let me go. ❜ ❨485❩ ❛ It’s not easy being quiet and good, it’s like hanging on to the edge of a bridge when you’ve already fallen over; you don’t seem to be moving, just dangling there, and yet it is taking all your strength. ❜ ❨486❩ ❛ There is no fool like an educated fool. ❜ ❨487❩ ❛ There are many dangerous things that may take place in a bed. ❜ ❨488❩ ❛ I am afraid of falling into hopeless despair, over my wasted life, and I am still not sure how it happened. ❜ ❨489❩ ❛ Underneath it all is another feeling, a feeling of being wide-eyed awake and watchful. ❜ ❨490❩ ❛ And underneath all that is another feeling still, a feeling like being torn open; not like a body of flesh, it is not painful as such, but like a peach; and not even torn open, but ripe and splitting open of its own accord. ❜ ❨491❩ ❛ The small details of life often hide a great significance. ❜ ❨492❩ ❛ Guilt comes to you not from the things you've done, but from the things that others have done to you. ❜ ❨493❩ ❛ I wonder, how can I be all of these different things at once? ❜ ❨494❩ ❛ It is always a mistake to curse back openly at those who are stronger than you unless there is a fence between. ❜ ❨495❩ ❛ Some call this "Eve's curse," but I think that is stupid because the real curse of Eve was having to put up with the nonsense of Adam. ❜ ❨496❩ ❛ I don't know why they are all so eager to be remembered. What good will it do them? There are some things that should be forgotten by everyone, and never spoken of again. ❜ ❨497❩ ❛ I would never blame a human creature for feeling lonely. ❜ ❨498❩ ❛ If they want a monster so badly they ought to be provided by one. ❜ ❨499❩ ❛ It’s as if I never existed, because no trace of me remains, I have left no marks. And that way I cannot be followed. It is almost the same as being innocent. ❜ ❨500❩ ❛ Today you wear your habitual expression of strained anxiety; you smell of violets. ❜ ❨501❩ ❛ Of course you have always been an idealist, and filled with your optimistic dreams; but reality must at some time obtrude. ❜ ❨502❩ ❛ I wonder what would become of me, and comfort myself that in a hundred years I will be dead and at peace. ❜ ❨503❩ ❛ For it is not always the one that strikes the blow that is the actual murderer. ❜ ❨504❩ ❛ There is a “do this” or “do that” with God, but not any “because”. ❜ ❨505❩ ❛ If you have a need and they find it out, they will use it against you. The best way is to stop from wanting anything. ❜ ❨506❩ ❛ They say, why don’t you ever smile or laugh, we never see you smiling, and I say I suppose I have gotten out of the way of it, my face won’t bend in that direction any more. ❜ ❨507❩ ❛ I was shut up inside that doll of myself, and my true voice could not get out. ❜ ❨508❩ ❛ I see what you’re after. You are a collector. You think all you have to do is give me an apple, and then you can collect me. ❜ ❨509❩ ❛ If you want to be an asshole, it's a free country. Millions before you have made the same life choice. ❜ ❨510❩ ❛ Then there's the future. Sheer vertigo. ❜ ❨511❩ ❛ Nature is to zoos as God is to churches. ❜ ❨512❩ ❛ After everything that's happened, how can the world still be so beautiful? ❜ ❨513❩ ❛ There's something to be said for hunger: at least it lets you know you're still alive. ❜ ❨514❩ ❛ These things sneak up on me for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency. ❜ ❨515❩ ❛ Toast cannot be explained by any rational means. Toast is me. I am toast. ❜ ❨516❩ ❛ You can’t buy it, but it has a price. Everything has a price. ❜ ❨517❩ ❛ As a species were doomed by hope, then? You could call it hope. That, or desperation. ❜ ❨518❩ ❛ I am not my childhood. ❜ ❨519❩ ❛ Human beings hope they can stick their souls into someone else and live on forever. ❜ ❨520❩ ❛ “I'll make you mine”, lovers said in old books. They never said, “I'll make you me.” ❜ ❨521❩ ❛ How much is too much, how far is too far? ❜ ❨522❩ ❛ Expectation isn't the same as desire. ❜ ❨523❩ ❛ Why not cut to the chase? ❜ ❨524❩ ❛ Maybe there aren't any solutions. Human society, corpses and rubble. ❜ ❨525❩ ❛ I thought you didn’t believe in God. ❜ ❨526❩ ❛ I need at least the illusion of being understood. ❜ ❨527❩ ❛ What change would have altered the course of events? In the big picture, nothing. In the small picture, so much. ❜ ❨528❩ ❛ You are only looking at the dirt under your feet. It's not good for you. ❜ ❨529❩ ❛ I like to keep only the bright side of myself turned towards you. ❜ ❨530❩ ❛ Grief in the face of inevitable death. The wish to stop time. The human condition. ❜ ❨531❩ ❛ So many crucial events take place behind people’s backs, when they aren’t in a position to watch: birth and death, for instance. ❜ ❨532❩ ❛ Would you kill someone you loved to spare them pain? ❜ ❨533❩ ❛ When the water’s moving faster than the boat, you can’t control a thing. ❜ ❨534❩ ❛ Don't be so fucking sentimental. ❜ ❨535❩ ❛ Wrong, as usual. ❜ ❨536❩ ❛ Why do you want to talk about ugly things? ❜ ❨537❩ ❛ I understand why serial killers send helpful clues to the police. ❜ ❨538❩ ❛ Take your time, leave mine alone. ❜ ❨539❩ ❛ You will hear thunder and remember me. ❜ ❨540❩ ❛ If you were music, I would listen to you ceaselessly. ❜ ❨541❩ ❛ I seem to myself an accidental guest in this dreadful body. ❜ ❨542❩ ❛ Call me a sinner, mock me maliciously. ❜ ❨543❩ ❛ I, from the very beginning, seemed to myself like someone's dream or delirium. Or a reflection in someone else's mirror. Without flesh, without meaning, without a name. ❜ ❨544❩ ❛ I knew the list of crimes that I was destined to commit. ❜ ❨545❩ ❛ The future ripens in the past, so the past rots in the future. ❜ ❨546❩ ❛ You are untranslatable into any one tongue. ❜ ❨547❩ ❛ I was hoping my silence would fit yours. ❜ ❨548❩ ❛ See, we were never about butterflies. All about us is unearthly and radiant. ❜ ❨549❩ ❛ You do not know just what you've been forgiven. ❜ ❨550❩ ❛ I need to slaughter my memory. ❜ ❨551❩ ❛ Forgive me that I appeared to you in waking dreams. ❜ ❨552❩ ❛ I will condemn, I will forget, I will give comfort to the enemy. ❜ ❨553❩ ❛ I know beginnings, I know endings too, and life-in-death. ❜ ❨554❩ ❛ Wild honey smells of freedom. But gold smells of nothing. ❜ ❨555❩ ❛ You are three times more beautiful than angels. ❜ ❨556❩ ❛ I will kill you without spilling your blood on the ground, not touching you with my hand, not giving you one glance. ❜ ❨557❩ ❛ You invented me. There is no such earthly being. ❜ ❨558❩ ❛ You’re late. Way too late. I’m glad to see you, nonetheless. ❜ ❨559❩ ❛ Forgive me that I felt forsaken. Forgive me that I kept mistaking too many others for you. ❜ ❨560❩ ❛ Real tenderness can’t be confused, it’s quiet and can’t be heard. ❜ ❨561❩ ❛ What else lived in that house besides us? ❜ ❨562❩ ❛ How unhappy we are together! ❜ ❨563❩ ❛ I defend not my voice, but my silence. ❜ ❨564❩ ❛ Without love, I'm more at ease, I'm sure. ❜ ❨565❩ ❛ I've got no more tears or explanations. ❜ ❨566❩ ❛ I’m not complaining. Happiness is not for me. ❜ ❨567❩ ❛ Are you not the only tie between good and evil, earthly pits and paradise? ❜ ❨568❩ ❛ In the morning we shall find out who has died in the night. ❜ ❨569❩ ❛ I was not a lovable child, and I've grown into a deeply unlovable adult. ❜ ❨570❩ ❛ The truly frightening flaw in humanity is our capacity for cruelty - we all have it. ❜ ❨571❩ ❛ I have a meanness inside me, real as an organ. Slit me at my belly and it might slide out, meaty and dark. ❜ ❨572❩ ❛ I am not angry or sad or happy to see you. I could not give a shit. You don't even ripple. ❜ ❨573❩ ❛ I was raised feral, and I mostly stayed that way. ❜ ❨574❩ ❛ I can feel a better version of me somewhere in there - hidden behind a liver or attached to a bit of spleen. But the meanness usually wins out. ❜ ❨575❩ ❛ I felt something loosen in me, that shouldn't have loosened. A stitch come undone. ❜ ❨576❩ ❛ Everyone who keeps a secret, itches to tell it. ❜ ❨577❩ ❛ Coffee goes great with sudden death. ❜ ❨578❩ ❛ I should just listen to my gut and then do the opposite. ❜ ❨579❩ ❛ “Smile, it can't be that bad!” Yeah, actually, it can, jackwad. ❜ ❨580❩ ❛ Everything bad in the world already did happen. ❜ ❨581❩ ❛ You’re going to find peace? Like knowing is somehow going to fix you? ❜ ❨582❩ ❛ Instead of asking yourself what happened, just accept that it happened. ❜ ❨583❩ ❛ Homesick for a place I've never been. ❜ ❨584❩ ❛ Worries find you easily enough without inviting them. ❜ ❨585❩ ❛ It is always consoling to think of suicide. It's what gets one through many a bad night. ❜ ❨586❩ ❛ Do you understand this is serious? ❜ ❨587❩ ❛ Sometimes it feels good to fuck with something. Instead of always being fucked with. ❜ ❨588❩ ❛ How could you kill something you cared enough to name? ❜ ❨589❩ ❛ Draw a picture of my soul, and it’d be a scribble with fangs. ❜ ❨590❩ ❛ We have the same chemicals in our blood: shame, anger, greed. Unjustified nostalgia. ❜ ❨591❩ ❛ I appreciate a straightforward apology the way a tone-deaf person enjoys a fine piece of music. ❜ ❨592❩ ❛ The phrase fuck you may not rest on the tip of my tongue, but it’s near. Midtongue. ❜ ❨593❩ ❛ Nothing to it but to do it. ❜ ❨594❩ ❛ There are a lot of people who deserve a lesson, deserve to really understand, that nothing comes easy, that most things are going to go sour. ❜ ❨595❩ ❛ If ifs and buts were candies and nuts we’d all have a very Merry Christmas. ❜ ❨596❩ ❛ Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. ❜ ❨597❩ ❛ What does it do to a girl who knows her mother is a murderer? ❜ ❨598❩ ❛ That mean old bitch across the street bit it. ❜ ❨599❩ ❛ Survival is a talent. ❜ ❨600❩ ❛ Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. ❜ ❨601❩ ❛ Who has the courage to burn themselves? ❜ ❨602❩ ❛ Is insanity just a matter of dropping the act? ❜ ❨603❩ ❛ Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? ❜ ❨604❩ ❛ You need to be well fed, clothed, and housed to have time for this much self-pity. ❜ ❨605❩ ❛ When I am supposed to be awake, I am asleep; when I am supposed to speak, I am silent. When a pleasure offers itself to me, I avoid it. ❜ ❨606❩ ❛ There is thought, and then there is thinking about thoughts, and they don't feel the same. ❜ ❨607❩ ❛ In a strange way we are free. We've reached the end of the line. We have nothing more to lose. ❜ ❨608❩ ❛ The world won’t stop because we aren’t in it anymore. ❜ ❨609❩ ❛ I can't answer the real question. All I can tell you is, it's easy. ❜ ❨610❩ ❛ I am lighter, airier than I’ve been in years. ❜ ❨611❩ ❛ I am not dead, yet something in me definitely is. ❜ ❨612❩ ❛ You meant that as an insult but I am taking it as a compliment. ❜ ❨613❩ ❛ What life can recover from that? ❜ ❨614❩ ❛ It's a fairly accurate portrait of me. It's accurate but it isn't profound. ❜ ❨615❩ ❛ Pull yourself together! There's nothing wrong with you. ❜ ❨616❩ ❛ It's quiet. It's like― I don't know. It's like falling off a cliff. ❜ ❨617❩ ❛ Once you start parsing a face, it's a peculiar item: squishy, pointy, with lots of air vents and wet spots. ❜ ❨618❩ ❛ I lost him. I did it on purpose. ❜ ❨619❩ ❛ It’s a mean world. There’s nobody to take care of you out there. ❜ ❨620❩ ❛ Reality is getting too dense. ❜ ❨621❩ ❛ I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favourite word. ❜ ❨622❩ ❛ I can't come up with reassuring answers to the terrible questions you raise. ❜ ❨623❩ ❛ A spring day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of warm earth. Suicide weather. ❜ ❨624❩ ❛ Twenty-five chocolate chip cookies would be the perfect dinner. ❜ ❨625❩ ❛ A thought is a hard thing to control. ❜ ❨626❩ ❛ Life demands skills I don’t have. ❜ ❨627❩ ❛ Light like this does not exist, but we wish it did. We wish the sun could make us young and beautiful. Most of all, we wish that everyone we knew could be brightened simply by our looking at them. ❜ ❨628❩ ❛ It never stops, even at night, it’s my lullaby. ❜ ❨629❩ ❛ Love blurs your vision; but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever. ❜ ❨630❩ ❛ This is the kind of thing you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes. ❜ ❨631❩ ❛ I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. ❜ ❨632❩ ❛ Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. ❜ ❨633❩ ❛ Hatred is easier. Hatred is clear, metallic, one-handed, unwavering; unlike love. ❜ ❨634❩ ❛ Potential has a shelf life. ❜ ❨635❩ ❛ Don’t move. Stay like that, let me have that. ❜ ❨636❩ ❛ I have come to the edge, of the land. I could get pushed over. ❜ ❨637❩ ❛ Never pray for justice, because you might get some. ❜ ❨638❩ ❛ It disturbs me to learn I have hurt someone unintentionally. I want all my hurts to be intentional. ❜ ❨639❩ ❛ We have been shark to one another, but also lifeboat. That counts for something. ❜ ❨640❩ ❛ This is what I miss, not something that’s gone, but something that will never happen. ❜ ❨641❩ ❛ I am not good. I know too much to be good. I know myself. I know myself to be vengeful, greedy, secretive and sly. ❜ ❨642❩ ❛ You are amazing. Amazing and agonising and almost lethal. ❜ ❨643❩ ❛ In my dreams of this city I am always lost. ❜ ❨644❩ ❛ I don't know where these feelings have come from, I don’t know what I've done. ❜ ❨645❩ ❛ I am not the centre of your story, you are. ❜ ❨646❩ ❛ I’m mad because you’re an asshole. ❜ ❨647❩ ❛ It's enormously pleasing to me, walking away. It's like being able to make people appear and vanish, at will. ❜ ❨648❩ ❛ There is never only one of anyone. ❜ ❨649❩ ❛ I can't do this without feeling I'm acting. ❜ ❨650❩ ❛ I am prepared for almost anything; except absence, except silence. ❜ ❨651❩ ❛ I’m losing my appetite for strangers. ❜ ❨652❩ ❛ You wear your cravings on the outside, like the suckers on a squid. You want it all. ❜ ❨653❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people weakens you. You are forced to understand their reasons for doing things. ❜ ❨654❩ ❛ I have lost confidence: perhaps all I will ever be is what I am now. ❜ ❨655❩ ❛ Echoes of light, shining out of the midst of nothing. It's old light, and there's not much of it. But it's enough to see by. ❜ ❨656❩ ❛ Whoever cares the most will lose. ❜ ❨657❩ ❛ Young women need unfairness, it’s one of their few defences. ❜ ❨658❩ ❛ Time has gone on without you. ❜ ❨659❩ ❛ Don't let the bastards grind you down. ❜ ❨660❩ ❛ Who can remember pain, once it’s over? Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind. ❜ ❨661❩ ❛ Better never means better for everyone. It always means worse, for some. ❜ ❨662❩ ❛ There is more than one kind of freedom. Freedom to and freedom from. ❜ ❨663❩ ❛ Remember that forgiveness too is a power. ❜ ❨664❩ ❛ I am not your justification for existence. ❜ ❨665❩ ❛ I want to be valued, in ways that I am not; I want to be more than valuable. ❜ ❨666❩ ❛ If it's a story I'm telling, then I have control over the ending. ❜ ❨667❩ ❛ All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and look stupid. It shouldn't be that hard. ❜ ❨668❩ ❛ Truly amazing, what people can get used to, as long as there are a few compensations. ❜ ❨669❩ ❛ I want everything back, the way it was. ❜ ❨670❩ ❛ You can't help what you feel, but you can help how you behave. ❜ ❨671❩ ❛ Nothing changes instantaneously: in a gradually heating bathtub you'd be boiled to death before you knew it. ❜ ❨672❩ ❛ To want is to have a weakness. ❜ ❨673❩ ❛ There isn't even an enemy you could put your finger on. ❜ ❨674❩ ❛ The past is a great darkness, filled with echoes. ❜ ❨675❩ ❛ Ordinary is what you are used to. This may not seem ordinary to you now, but after a time it will. It will become ordinary. ❜ ❨676❩ ❛ I wish this story were different. I wish it were more civilised. I wish it showed me in a better light. ❜ ❨677❩ ❛ The night is mine, my own time, to do with it as I will, as long as I am quiet. As long as I don't move. As long as I lie still. ❜ ❨678❩ ❛ By telling you anything at all I'm at least believing in you. ❜ ❨679❩ ❛ Whatever is silenced will clamour to be heard. ❜ ❨680❩ ❛ Don't worry about forgiving me right now. There are more important things. ❜ ❨681❩ ❛ Keep the others safe. Don't let them suffer too much. If they have to die, let it be fast. ❜ ❨682❩ ❛ The body is so easily damaged, so easily disposed of, water and chemicals is all it is, hardly more to it than a jellyfish, drying on sand. ❜ ❨683❩ ❛ The world is full of weapons if you're looking for them. ❜ ❨684❩ ❛ Nobody's heart is perfect. ❜ ❨685❩ ❛ One false move and I'm dead. ❜ ❨686❩ ❛ Watch out. I've got my eye on you. ❜ ❨687❩ ❛ Fear is a powerful stimulant. ❜ ❨688❩ ❛ I couldn't afford to lose you. ❜ ❨689❩ ❛ Name one hero who was happy. ---- You can’t. ❜ ❨690❩ ❛ I feel like I could eat the world raw. ❜ ❨691❩ ❛ We are like gods at the dawning of the world. ❜ ❨692❩ ❛ I could recognise him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world. ❜ ❨693❩ ❛ There are no bargains between lion and men. I will kill you and eat you raw. ❜ ❨694❩ ❛ You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that will not change its nature. ❜ ❨695❩ ❛ He is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. ❜ ❨696❩ ❛ Some men gain glory after they die, others fade. ❜ ❨697❩ ❛ I am made of memories. ❜ ❨698❩ ❛ Will you come with me? ❜ ❨699❩ ❛ I wish I had let you all die. ❜ ❨700❩ ❛ It is right to seek peace for the dead. You and I both know there is no peace for those who live after. ❜ ❨701❩ ❛ Bury us. Let us be free. ❜ ❨702❩ ❛ Go. He waits for you. ❜ ❨703❩ ❛ Nothing could eclipse the stain of this dirty, mortal mediocrity. ❜ ❨704❩ ❛ I know I have told you of this. ❜ ❨705❩ ❛ I don't know how you remember them all. I swear they look the same to me. ❜ ❨706❩ ❛ Perhaps you should get some new stories, so I don’t fucking kill myself of boredom. ❜ ❨707❩ ❛ I yearn for the darkness and silence of the underworld, where I can rest. ❜ ❨708❩ ❛ There is no honour in betraying your friends. ❜ ❨709❩ ❛ There is no answer. Whichever you choose, you are wrong. ❜ ❨710❩ ❛ Divine blood flows differently. ❜ ❨711❩ ❛ How is there glory in taking life? We die so easily. ❜ ❨712❩ ❛ This is what I will miss, I think. I will kill myself rather than miss it. ❜ ❨713❩ ❛ How long do we have? ❜ ❨714❩ ❛ Do you think we fight hopeless wars? ❜ ❨715❩ ❛ There is no law that gods must be fair. ❜ ❨716❩ ❛ I do not fear ridicule. I never have. ❜ ❨717❩ ❛ You were always better with words than I. ❜ ❨718❩ ❛ Who can be ashamed to lose to such beauty? ❜ ❨719❩ ❛ When you see beauty in desolation it changes something inside you. ❜ ❨720❩ ❛ That's how the madness of the world tries to colonise you: from the outside in, forcing you to live in its reality. ❜ ❨721❩ ❛ The shadows of the abyss are like the petals of a monstrous flower that shall blossom within the skull and expand the mind beyond what any man can bear. ❜ ❨722❩ ❛ Silence creates violence. ❜ ❨723❩ ❛ Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough. ❜ ❨724❩ ❛ There are certain kinds of connections that are so deep that when broken you feel the snap of it inside you. ❜ ❨725❩ ❛ Nothing that ever lived and breathed was truly objective—even in a vacuum, even if all that possessed the brain was a self-immolating desire for the truth. ❜ ❨726❩ ❛ We all live in a kind of continuous dream. ❜ ❨727❩ ❛ You can either waste time worrying about a death that might not come or concentrate on what’s left to you. ❜ ❨728❩ ❛ What can you do when your five senses are not enough? ❜ ❨729❩ ❛ We will neither be what we had been nor what we would become once we reach our destination. ❜ ❨730❩ ❛ Perhaps my only real expertise, my only talent, is to endure beyond the endurable. ❜ ❨731❩ ❛ When you are too close to the centre of a mystery there is no way to pull back. ❜ ❨732❩ ❛ I long ago stopped believing in promises. Biological imperatives, yes. Environmental factors, yes. Promises, no. ❜ ❨733❩ ❛ I look not for shooting stars but for fixed ones, and I try to imagine what kind of life lives in those celestial tidal pools so far from us. ❜ ❨734❩ ❛ I hesitated for just a moment. Some part of me wanted to see the creature, I think. If so, it was a very small part. I ran. ❜ ❨735❩ ❛ I don’t require any of this to have a deeper meaning. ❜ ❨736❩ ❛ All of this speculation is incomplete, inexact, inaccurate, useless. ❜ ❨737❩ ❛ We don’t have real answers, because we still don’t know what questions to ask. Our instruments are useless, our methodology broken, our motivations selfish. ❜ ❨738❩ ❛ This part I will do alone. Don’t follow. ❜ ❨739❩ ❛ People my entire life have told me I am too much in control, but that has never been the case. I have never truly been in control. ❜ ❨740❩ ❛ Has there always been someone like me to bury the bodies, to have regrets, to carry on after everyone else was dead? ❜ ❨741❩ ❛ I loved them, but I didn’t need them, and I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. ❜ ❨742❩ ❛ Places can impress themselves upon me, and I can become part of them with ease. ❜ ❨743❩ ❛ There is no one with me. I am all by myself. ❜ ❨744❩ ❛ Pretending often leads to becoming a reasonable facsimile of what you mimic. ❜ ❨745❩ ❛ I think you're confusing suicide with self-destruction, and they're very different. Almost none of us commit suicide, whereas almost all of us self-destruct. ❜ ❨746❩ ❛ What did you eat? You had rations for only two weeks. You were there for nearly four months. ❜ ❨747❩ ❛ Something here is making giant waves in the gene pool. ❜ ❨748❩ ❛ I need to know what’s inside. ❜ ❨749❩ ❛ These aren't decisions. They're impulses ❜ ❨750❩ ❛ What do you think I do when you’re away? Do you think I’m out in the garden pinning, looking up at the sky? ❜ ❨751❩ ❛ If I know what’s happened I can save their life. ❜ ❨752❩ ❛ They either went crazy or something in here killed them. ❜ ❨753❩ ❛ Something is coming through the fence! ❜ ❨754❩ ❛ Nothing is written in the stars. Not these stars, nor any others. No one controls your destiny. ❜ ❨755❩ ❛ People who claim that they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. ❜ ❨756❩ ❛ Happy endings are still endings. ❜ ❨757❩ ❛ We believe in all sorts of things that aren't true; -- we call it history. ❜ ❨758❩ ❛ Does the devil ever struggle to be good again, or if so is he not a devil? ❜ ❨759❩ ❛ In the lives of children, pumpkins turn into coaches, mice and rats turn into men. When we grow up, we realise it is far more common for men to turn into rats. ❜ ❨760❩ ❛ Girls need cold anger. They need the cold simmer, the ceaseless grudge, the talent to avoid forgiveness, the side stepping of compromise. ❜ ❨761❩ ❛ Love makes hunters of us all. ❜ ❨762❩ ❛ There is much to hate in this world and way too much to love. ❜ ❨763❩ ❛ You confuse not speaking with not listening. ❜ ❨764❩ ❛ As long as people are going to call you a lunatic anyway, why not get the benefit of it? It liberates you from convention. ❜ ❨765❩ ❛ The eye is always caught by light, but shadows have more to say. ❜ ❨766❩ ❛ Not everyone is born a witch or a saint. Not everyone is born talented, or crooked, or blessed; some are born definite in no particular at all. ❜ ❨767❩ ❛ We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. ❜ ❨768❩ ❛ The wickedness of men is that their power breeds stupidity and blindness. ❜ ❨769❩ ❛ I know you don't want to hear this but someone has to say it! You are out of control! ❜ ❨770❩ ❛ Even at the very worst - there is always choice. ❜ ❨771❩ ❛ Maybe the definition of home is the place where you are never forgiven. So you may always belong there, bound by guilt. And maybe the cost of belonging is worth it. ❜ ❨772❩ ❛ Cross a man and you struggle, one of you wins, you adjust and go on -- or you lie there dead. Cross a woman and the entire universe is changed. ❜ ❨773❩ ❛ That was such a wonderful time, even in its strangeness and sadness. Life isn't the same now. It's wonderful, but it isn't the same. ❜ ❨774❩ ❛ I don't care for approval, and I don't mind doing without. ❜ ❨775❩ ❛ It's where I live. A permanent state of bereavement. This is nothing new. ❜ ❨776❩ ❛ Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Always the godfather, never the god. ❜ ❨777❩ ❛ The world unwraps itself to you, again and again as soon as you are ready to see it anew. ❜ ❨778❩ ❛ Evil is an act, not an appetite. Everyone has the appetite. If you give in to it, that act is evil. The appetite is normal. ❜ ❨779❩ ❛ How many haven't wanted to slash the throat of some boor across the dining room table? ❜ ❨780❩ ❛ Even God used silence as a strategy. ❜ ❨781❩ ❛ I learned failure early and mastered it. ❜ ❨782❩ ❛ It isn't whether you do it well or ill, it's that you do it all. ❜ ❨783❩ ❛ This is why you shouldn't fall in love, it blinds you. Love is a very wicked distraction. ❜ ❨784❩ ❛ Wisdom is not the understanding of mystery. Wisdom is accepting that mystery is beyond understanding. That's what makes it mystery. ❜ ❨785❩ ❛ Wrong takes an awful long time to be proven, in my experience. ❜ ❨786❩ ❛ Such brightness, as you know, decays brilliantly. ❜ ❨787❩ ❛ I take responsibility only for the future, not the past. The past can't hurt you the way the future can. ❜ ❨788❩ ❛ Tell me to mind my own business, tell me to go fuck myself, to piss off, go on, say it, but don’t tell me nothing’s wrong. ❜ ❨789❩ ❛ The truth isn't a thing of fact or reason. It is simply what everyone agrees on. ❜ ❨790❩ ❛ One can't make peace with another by force. ❜ ❨791❩ ❛ I am a forgettable leaf on a tree. ❜ ❨792❩ ❛ That's all I want; --- to do no harm. ❜ ❨793❩ ❛ I only believe in the opposite of luck, whatever that is. ❜ ❨794❩ ❛ Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves. ❜ ❨795❩ ❛ You’re too young to know that the heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good, and thanks to that we manage to endure the burden of the past. ❜ ❨796❩ ❛ Love, no matter what else it might be, is a natural talent. You are either born knowing how, or you never know. ❜ ❨797❩ ❛ Whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life. ❜ ❨798❩ ❛ There is no God worth worrying about. ❜ ❨799❩ ❛ The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love. ❜ ❨800❩ ❛ Wisdom comes to us when it can no longer do any good. ❜ ❨801❩ ❛ Think of love as a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the very end in itself. ❜ ❨802❩ ❛ Only God knows how much I love you. ❜ ❨803❩ ❛ There is no greater glory than to die for love. ❜ ❨804❩ ❛ Nothing resembles a person as much as the way he dies. ❜ ❨805❩ ❛ Take advantage of it now, while you are young, and suffer all you can, because these things don't last your whole life. ❜ ❨806❩ ❛ Today, when I saw you, I realised that what is between us is nothing more than an illusion. ❜ ❨807❩ ❛ I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century. ❜ ❨808❩ ❛ I want to be myself again, to recover all that I was obliged to give up. ❜ ❨809❩ ❛ The only thing worse than bad health is a bad name. ❜ ❨810❩ ❛ This soup tastes like windows. ❜ ❨811❩ ❛ Why do you insist on talking about what does not exist? ❜ ❨812❩ ❛ One has to live a long time to know a man's true nature. ❜ ❨813❩ ❛ No, not rich, I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing. ❜ ❨814❩ ❛ My heart has more rooms than a whorehouse. ❜ ❨815❩ ❛ That may be the reason he does so many things, so that he will not have to think. ❜ ❨816❩ ❛ Love if it exists, is something separate: another life. ❜ ❨817❩ ❛ Things did not go as badly for me as they would for you. ❜ ❨818❩ ❛ There are things you do only for love. ❜ ❨819❩ ❛ I’ll have plenty of time to rest when I die. ❜ ❨820❩ ❛ There is no innocence more dangerous than the innocence of age. ❜ ❨821❩ ❛ You treat me as if I were just anybody. ❜ ❨822❩ ❛ The symptoms of love are the same as those of cholera. ❜ ❨823❩ ❛ There is no law, human or divine, that you have not ignored. ❜ ❨824❩ ❛ Why is it that I feel I've known you so many years? ❜ ❨825❩ ❛ Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. ❜ ❨826❩ ❛ It doesn't matter what you do, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. ❜ ❨827❩ ❛ We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real? ❜ ❨828❩ ❛ There must be something, something we can’t imagine, to make a woman stay in a burning house; there must be something there. You don’t stay for nothing. ❜ ❨829❩ ❛ If you hide your ignorance, no one will hit you and you'll never learn. ❜ ❨830❩ ❛ If you drown, at least die knowing you were heading for shore. ❜ ❨831❩ ❛ You can't make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up around them. ❜ ❨832❩ ❛ It was a pleasure to burn. ❜ ❨833❩ ❛ I'm antisocial, they say. I don't mix. It's so strange. I'm very social indeed. It all depends on what you mean by social, doesn't it? ❜ ❨834❩ ❛ Being with people is nice. But I don't think it's social to get a bunch of people together and then not let them talk, do you? ❜ ❨835❩ ❛ Do you notice how people hurt each other nowadays? ❜ ❨836❩ ❛ Who knows who might be the target of the well-read man? ❜ ❨837❩ ❛ I don't talk things. I talk the meaning of things. ❜ ❨838❩ ❛ I'll hold on to the world tight some day. I've got one finger on it now; that's a beginning. ❜ ❨839❩ ❛ I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough it'll make sense. ❜ ❨840❩ ❛ That's the good part of dying; when you've nothing to lose, you run any risk you want. ❜ ❨841❩ ❛ Someday we'll build the biggest goddamn steamshovel in history and dig the biggest grave of all time and shove war in it and cover it up. ❜ ❨842❩ ❛ You're not like the others. I've seen a few; I know. When I talk, you look at me. ❜ ❨843❩ ❛ You're afraid of making mistakes. Don't be. Mistakes can be profited by. ❜ ❨844❩ ❛ When they give you lined paper, write the other way. ❜ ❨845❩ ❛ The sun burnt every day. It burnt time. ❜ ❨846❩ ❛ We have everything we need to be happy but we aren't happy. Something is missing. ❜ ❨847❩ ❛ I feel I'm doing what I should've done a lifetime ago. ❜ ❨848❩ ❛ I'm not afraid. Maybe it's because I'm doing the right thing at last. Maybe it's because I've done a rash thing and don't want to look the coward to you. ❜ ❨849❩ ❛ Good God, who were those men? I never saw them before in my life! ❜ ❨850❩ ❛ How do you get so empty? Who takes it out of you? ❜ ❨851❩ ❛ It must be right. It seems so right. ❜ ❨852❩ ❛ To everything there is a season. Yes. A time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to keep silence and a time to speak. ❜ ❨853❩ ❛ It's my game. And no one can help me. Not even you. ❜ ❨854❩ ❛ What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven. Earth is earth. Dead is dead. You’ll find out for yourself soon enough. ❜ ❨855❩ ❛ Death is a long process. Your body is just the first part of you that croaks. Beyond that, your dreams have to die. Then your expectations. Your anger and memories must die. Your ego. Your pride and shame and ambition and hope. ❜ ❨856❩ ❛ Help me give up my addiction to hope. ❜ ❨857❩ ❛ Life is short, death is forever. ❜ ❨858❩ ❛ Hope is something really tough and tenacious you have to give up. It’s an addiction to break. ❜ ❨859❩ ❛ If the living are haunted by the dead, then the dead are haunted by their own mistakes. ❜ ❨860❩ ❛ We all wish to be pursued. We all long to be desired. ❜ ❨861❩ ❛ All the demons of hell formerly reigned as gods in previous cultures. No it's not fair, but one man's god is another man's devil. ❜ ❨862❩ ❛ I can become someone else, not out of pressure and desperation, but merely because a new life sounds fun or interesting or joyful. ❜ ❨863❩ ❛ It's my petty fear of personal rejection that allows so many true evils to exist. My cowardice enables atrocities. ❜ ❨864❩ ❛ You fucked up. Game over. So just relax. ❜ ❨865❩ ❛ The greatest weapon any warrior can carry into battle is absolute certainty of her eternal soul. ❜ ❨866❩ ❛ If killing you will end my existence as well, be it. Small loss. Such a life, as your puppet, is not worth living. ❜ ❨867❩ ❛ I might be a touch of a sadist and a little bit jejune but at least I'm not a victim, not any longer. I hope. ❜ ❨868❩ ❛ Dying seems like the greatest weakness, and in a world where people say you're lazy for not shaving your legs, then being dead seems like the ultimate character flaw. ❜ ❨869❩ ❛ Any concept of right versus wrong, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. ❜ ❨870❩ ❛ To prove that I exist I must kill you. ❜ ❨871❩ ❛ I'd say that my life has been a way-too-long case history of chasing rainbows. ❜ ❨872❩ ❛ The world is a battle for attention, a war to be heard. ❜ ❨873❩ ❛ Every garden looks beautiful in May. ❜ ❨874❩ ❛ When we neglect to fear such brittle monstrosity, we render it powerless. ❜ ❨875❩ ❛ My taste for power continues to grow, as does my ability to accrue it. ❜ ❨876❩ ❛ Such language! Why don't you just take a dump in my ears? ❜ ❨877❩ ❛ You’d be foolish to count on people displaying high standards of honesty. ❜ ❨878❩ ❛ Depending on her mood, she can be more frightening than any demon or devil you might ever run across. ❜ ❨879❩ ❛ Cross your fingers! Maybe death won't happen to you. ❜ ❨880❩ ❛ Do not die while wearing cheap shoes. ❜ ❨881❩ ❛ Old habits die hard. ❜ ❨882❩ ❛ It's our attachments to a fixed identity that torture us. ❜ ❨883❩ ❛ What do I think I am? In a thousand words; I don't have a clue. ❨884❩ ❛ If I am to be saved it is because your love redeems me. ❜ ❨885❩ ❛ All I wanted was to be loved for myself. ❜ ❨886❩ ❛ I have tasted all the happiness the world can offer. ❜ ❨887❩ ❛ Shall we pity him? Shall we curse him? ❜ ❨888❩ ❛ You have a heart that can hold the entire empire of the world. ❜ ❨889❩ ❛ Look, I am not laughing now, crying, crying for you. ❜ ❨890❩ ❛ Tonight I gave you my soul, and I am dead. ❜ ❨891❩ ❛ You are afraid of me! And yet I am not really wicked. Love me and you shall see! ❜ ❨892❩ ❛ Are people so unhappy when they love? --- Yes, when they love and are not sure of being loved. ❜ ❨893❩ ❛ Your soul is a beautiful thing. No emperor received so fair a gift. The angels wept tonight. ❜ ❨894❩ ❛ Blood!...Blood!... That's a good thing! ❜ ❨895❩ ❛ Now I want to live like everybody else. I want to have a life like everybody else. ❜ ❨896❩ ❛ You will be the happiest of women. And we will sing, all by ourselves, till we swoon away with delight. ❜ ❨897❩ ❛ I should be as gentle as a lamb; and you could do anything with me that you pleased. ❜ ❨898❩ ❛ I am going to die of love, I am dying of love. That's how it is. I loved you so. I still love you so. ❜ ❨899❩ ❛ I am dying of love for her, I tell you! If only you knew how beautiful she was when she let me kiss her. ❜ ❨900❩ ❛ He fills me with horror but I do not hate him. How can I hate him? ❜ ❨901❩ ❛ Holy angel, in Heaven blessed, my spirit longs with thee to rest. ❜ ❨902❩ ❛ Nothing is colder or more dead than my heart. ❜ ❨903❩ ❛ I had loved an angel and now I despise a woman. ❜ ❨904❩ ❛ Our lives are one masked ball. ❜ ❨905❩ ❛ Why do you condemn a man whom you have never met, whom no one knows and about whom even you yourself know nothing? ❜ ❨906❩ ❛ He would commit murder for me. ❜ ❨907❩ ❛ If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug, she is lost. But I shall save her. ❜ ❨908❩ ❛ We will go from here together or die together. ❜ ❨909❩ ❛ Your fear, your terror, all of that is just love and love of the most exquisite kind, the kind which people do not admit even to themselves. The kind that gives you a thrill, when you think of it. ❜ ❨910❩ ❛ Destiny has chained you to me forever. ❜ ❨911❩ ❛ You must never ask me that. ❜ ❨912❩ ❛ Are you afraid that you will change your mind? ❜ ❨913❩ ❛ You must come and fetch me in my dressing room at midnight exactly. ❜ ❨914❩ ❛ The holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mould yourself through the gaps. ❜ ❨915❩ ❛ I have never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts. ❜ ❨916❩ ❛ There’s something comforting about the sight of strangers safe at home. ❜ ❨917❩ ❛ I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head. ❜ ❨918❩ ❛ It’s possible to miss what you’ve never had, to even mourn for it. ❜ ❨919❩ ❛ There’s nothing so painful, so corrosive, as suspicion. ❜ ❨920❩ ❛ When did you become so weak? ❜ ❨921❩ ❛ I don’t know where that strength went, I don’t remember losing it. I think that over time it got chipped away, bit by bit, by life, by the living of it. ❜ ❨922❩ ❛ Let’s be honest: women are still only really valued for two things—their looks and their role as mothers. ❜ ❨923❩ ❛ Sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them. ❜ ❨924❩ ❛ I’m playing at real life instead of actually living it. ❜ ❨925❩ ❛ I’ve just got to let myself feel the pain, because if I don’t, if I keep numbing it, it’ll never really go away. ❜ ❨926❩ ❛ I am not the girl I used to be. I am no longer desirable, I’m off-putting in some way. It’s as if people can see the damage written all over me, can see it in my face, the way I hold myself, the way I move. ❜ ❨927❩ ❛ Who was it that said following your heart is a good thing? It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all. ❜ ❨928❩ ❛ It’s impossible to resist the kindness of strangers. ❜ ❨929❩ ❛ Sometimes I catch myself trying to remember the last time I had meaningful physical contact with another person, just a hug or a heartfelt squeeze of my hand, and my heart twitches. ❜ ❨930❩ ❛ I have to find a way of making myself happy, I have to stop looking for happiness elsewhere. ❜ ❨931❩ ❛ How did I find myself here? I wonder where it started, my decline; I wonder at what point I could have halted it. Where did I take the wrong turn? ❜ ❨932❩ ❛ Now look -- Now look what you made me do. ❜ ❨933❩ ❛ It’s okay, whatever you did, whatever you’ve done: you suffered, you hurt, you deserve forgiveness. ❜ ❨934❩ ❛ They’re what I lost, they’re everything I want to be. ❜ ❨935❩ ❛ You broke me and I broke us. ❜ ❨936❩ ❛ I’ve been the fool. If he does it with you, he’ll do it to you. ❜ ❨937❩ ❛ I’d never realised, not until now, how shameful it is to be pitied. ❜ ❨938❩ ❛ Sometimes, I don’t want to go anywhere, I think I’ll be happy if I never have to set foot outside the house again. ❜ ❨939❩ ❛ I don’t believe in soul mates, but there’s an understanding between us that I just haven’t felt before, or at least, not for a long time. ❜ ❨940❩ ❛ There can be no greater agony, nothing can be more painful than the not knowing, which will never end. ❜ ❨941❩ ❛ Being the other woman is a huge turn-on, there’s no point in denying it: you’re the one he can’t help but betray his wife for, even though he loves her. That’s just how irresistible you are. ❜ ❨942❩ ❛ I feel a rush of gratitude so strong, it feels almost like love. ❜ ❨943❩ ❛ You don’t know how determined I can be. Once I’ve made my mind up, I’m a force to be reckoned with. ❜ ❨944❩ ❛ The more I want to be oblivious, the less I can be. Life and light will not let me be. ❜ ❨945❩ ❛ You don’t have to be afraid of being alone. It’s not the worst thing, is it? ❜ ❨946❩ ❛ I have felt this way before. On a larger scale, to a more intense degree, of course, but I remember the quality of the pain. You don’t forget it. ❜ ❨947❩ ❛ If he thinks I’m going to sit around crying, he’s got another thing coming. ❜ ❨948❩ ❛ I don’t like to lose. It’s not like me. None of this is like me. I don’t get rejected. I’m the one who walks away. ❜ ❨949❩ ❛ I don’t remember anger, raging fury. I remember fear. ❜ ❨950❩ ❛ I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept in days. I hate it, hate insomnia more than anything, just lying there, brain going round, tick, tick, tick, tick. ❜ ❨951❩ ❛ Maybe the courage I need has nothing to do with telling the truth and everything to do with walking away. ❜ ❨952❩ ❛ I’m not beautiful, and I can’t have kids, so what does that make me? Worthless. ❜ ❨953❩ ❛ Failure cloaked me like a mantle, it overwhelmed me, dragged me under and I gave up hope. ❜ ❨954❩ ❛ It’s an odd thing to say, but I think this all the time; I don’t feel bad enough. ❜ ❨955❩ ❛ Some battles aren’t worth fighting. ❜ ❨956❩ ❛ I never felt guilty. I pretended I did. I had to. ❜ ❨957❩ ❛ I never meant for any of this to happen, we fell in love, what could we do? ❜ ❨958❩ ❛ What bothers me most is that I haven’t got to the end of my story, and I can’t start over with someone else, it’s too hard. ❜ ❨959❩ ❛ A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended. ❜ ❨960❩ ❛ It isn’t only wickedness and scheming that make people unhappy, it is confusion and misunderstanding. ❜ ❨961❩ ❛ Falling in love can be achieved in a single word—a glance. ❜ ❨962❩ ❛ Though you think the world is at your feet, it can rise up and tread on you. ❜ ❨963❩ ❛ I’ve never had a moment’s doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life. ❜ ❨964❩ ❛ It might hurt, it is horribly inconvenient, no good might come of it, but it is what it is to be in love. ❜ ❨965❩ ❛ It was always an impossible task, and that was precisely the point. ❜ ❨966❩ ❛ Come back, come back to me. ❜ ❨967❩ ❛ In my thoughts I make love to you all day long. ❜ ❨968❩ ❛ The truth is I feel rather light headed and foolish in your presence and I don’t think I can blame the heat. ❜ ❨969❩ ❛ Beauty occupies a narrow band. Ugliness, on the other hand, has infinite variation. ❜ ❨970❩ ❛ Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy? ❜ ❨971❩ ❛ However, withered, I still feel myself to be exactly the same person I’ve always been. ❜ ❨972❩ ❛ Hate is a feeling as pure as love, but dispassionate and icily rational. ❜ ❨973❩ ❛ I’m going mad. Let me not be mad. ❜ ❨974❩ ❛ Is everyone really as alive as I am? ❜ ❨975❩ ❛ Every now and then, quite unintentionally, someone teaches you something about yourself. ❜ ❨976❩ ❛ Something has happened, hasn’t it? ❜ ❨977❩ ❛ I like to think that it isn’t weakness or evasion, but a final act of kindness. ❜ ❨978❩ ❛ Is it possible that I am, in the modern term, in denial? ❜ ❨979❩ ❛ How could anyone presume to know the world through the eyes of an insect? ❜ ❨980❩ ❛ Not everything has a cause. Some things are simply so. ❜ ❨981❩ ❛ I’ll be quite honest with you. I’m torn between breaking your neck here and throwing you down the stairs. ❜ ❨982❩ ❛ How old do you have to be before you know the difference between right and wrong? ❜ ❨983❩ ❛ It was never meant to be read. ❜ ❨984❩ ❛ If I fell in the river, would you save me? ❜ ❨985❩ ❛ That was an incredibly bloody stupid thing to do. ❜ ❨986❩ ❛ I want to thank you for saving my life. I’ll be eternally grateful to you. ❜ ❨987❩ ❛ I’m very, very sorry for the terrible distress that I have caused. I’m very, very sorry. ❜ ❨988❩ ❛ Don’t call me that! – Please don’t call me that. ❜ ❨989❩ ❛ It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine. ❜ ❨990❩ ❛ Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer. ❜ ❨991❩ ❛ No one ever really gets used to nightmares. ❜ ❨992❩ ❛ I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I’m not. ❜ ❨993❩ ❛ Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila. ❜ ❨994❩ ❛ Some people reflect light, some deflect it, you by some miracle, seem to collect it. ❜ ❨995❩ ❛ Beautiful women are always drawn to men they think will keep them beautiful. ❜ ❨996❩ ❛ The ruminations are mine, let the world be yours. ❜ ❨997❩ ❛ You will fulfil a promise I made years ago but failed to keep. ❜ ❨998❩ ❛ Darkness never satisfies. Especially if it takes something away which it almost always invariably does. ❜ ❨999❩ ❛ I want something else. I’m not even sure what to call it anymore. ❜ ❨1000❩ ❛ What can I say, I’m a sucker for abandoned stuff, misplaced stuff, forgotten stuff, any old stuff. ❜ ❨1001❩ ❛ Is it possible to love something so much, you imagine it wants to destroy you only because it has denied you? ❜ ❨1002❩ ❛ It’s just silent, no sound at all. It’s like something’s waiting. ❜ ❨1003❩ ❛ I guess I’m hoping the weapons will make me feel better, grant me some kind of fucking control. ❜ ❨1004❩ ❛ Oh and something else: – Fuck you. ❜ ❨1005❩ ❛ God I’ve never been afraid like this. ❜ ❨1006❩ ❛ I miss you. I love you. There’s no second I’ve lived that you can’t call your own. ❜ ❨1007❩ ❛ I’m so tired. Sleep’s been stalking me for too long to remember. Inevitable I suppose. ❜ ❨1008❩ ❛ Not seeing the rip doesn’t mean you automatically get to keep clear of the Hey-I’m-Bleeding part. ❜ ❨1009❩ ❛ These days fantasies flourish and die like summer flies. ❜ ❨1010❩ ❛ Yeah I know, I know. This shit’s getting ridiculous. ❜ ❨1011❩ ❛ ‘Fuck’ and 'fall for’ have very different meanings. The first one you do as much as you can. The second one you never ever, ever do. ❜ ❨1012❩ ❛ It’s a nice idea but it reeks of hope. False hope. ❜ ❨1013❩ ❛ It’s, well…one thing in two words: fucked up…very fucked up. Okay three words, four words, who the hell cares…very very fucked up. ❜ ❨1014❩ ❛ Do you think I could spend the night at your place? ❜ ❨1015❩ ❛ Any fool can pray. ❜ ❨1016❩ ❛ I feel like I haven’t slept in months. My neighbours are scared of me. ❜ ❨1017❩ ❛ I’ve lost my mind? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I’m just really drunk. ❜ ❨1018❩ ❛ Perhaps by cleaning out my system I’ll come to a clearing where I can ease myself into peace. ❜ ❨1019❩ ❛ I should be dead. Why am I still here? ❜ ❨1020❩ ❛ Fuck if I know. Your guess is as good as mine. ❜ ❨1021❩ ❛ You are my flesh. You are my bones. I know you too well. I read you too perfectly. ❜ ❨1022❩ ❛ Not all complex problems have easy solutions. ❜ ❨1023❩ ❛ Do you believe in God? I don’t think I ever asked you that one. ❜ ❨1024❩ ❛ We all create stories to protect ourselves. ❜ ❨1025❩ ❛ Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ❜ ❨1026❩ ❛ These days the only thing that gets me outside is when I say: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. ❜ ❨1027❩ ❛ You like that crap because it reminds you of you. ❜ ❨1028❩ ❛ You may suddenly realise things are not how you perceived them to be at all. ❜ ❨1029❩ ❛ The two hardest tests are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter. ❜ ❨1030❩ ❛ People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves. ❜ ❨1031❩ ❛ Be crazy! But learn how to be crazy without being the center of attention. Be brave enough to live different. ❜ ❨1032❩ ❛ You are someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that in my view is a serious illness. ❜ ❨1033❩ ❛ God chose you to be different. ❜ ❨1034❩ ❛ Why are you disappointing God with this kind of attitude? ❜ ❨1035❩ ❛ You have two choices, to control your mind or to let your mind control you. ❜ ❨1036❩ ❛ Everyone is indeed crazy, but the craziest are the ones who don't know they're crazy; they just keep repeating what others tell them to. ❜ ❨1037❩ ❛ Haven't you learned anything, not even with the approach of death? ❜ ❨1038❩ ❛ If people don't like it, they can complain. And if they don't have the courage to complain, that's their problem. ❜ ❨1039❩ ❛ Nothing in this world happens by chance. ❜ ❨1040❩ ❛ I want to continue living my life the way I dream it, and not the way the other people want it to be. ❜ ❨1041❩ ❛ Be like the fountain that overflows, not like the cistern that merely contains. ❜ ❨1042❩ ❛ Collective madness is called sanity. ❜ ❨1043❩ ❛ Consider each day a miracle - which indeed it is, when you consider the number of unexpected things that could happen in each second of our fragile existences. ❜ ❨1044❩ ❛ You say they create their own reality, but what is reality? ❜ ❨1045❩ ❛ Many people don't allow themselves to love because there are a lot of things at risk. A lot of future and a lot of past. ❜ ❨1046❩ ❛ Death frees from the fear of dying. ❜ ❨1047❩ ❛ The danger of an adventure is worth a thousand days of ease and comfort. ❜ ❨1048❩ ❛ The happier people can be, the unhappier they are. ❜ ❨1049❩ ❛ Life is always a matter of waiting for the right moment to act. ❜ ❨1050❩ ❛ It's best to accept life as it really is and not as you imagined it to be. ❜ ❨1051❩ ❛ You don't seem mad at all. ❜ ❨1052❩ ❛ We’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us. ❜ ❨1053❩ ❛ You’re what you are, not what others make of you. ❜ ❨1054❩ ❛ Am I cured? ❜ ❨1055❩ ❛ Real love changes and grows with time and discovers new ways of expressing itself. ❜ ❨1056❩ ❛ A lot of people think something is right, and so that thing becomes right. Is that it? ❜ ❨1057❩ ❛ They think they're normal, because they all do the same thing. ❜ ❨1058❩ ❛ I didn't know that other ‘me’s existed inside me, ‘Me’s that I could love. ❜ ❨1059❩ ❛ I have no idea what's awaiting me. ❜ ❨1060❩ ❛ What will happen when this all ends? ❜ ❨1061❩ ❛ I know that you are capable of great deeds. ❜ ❨1062❩ ❛ A loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one's work, and of devotion to duty, and all one craves for is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart. ❜ ❨1063❩ ❛ The truth is that everyone is bored. ❜ ❨1064❩ ❛ I feel more fellowship with the defeated than with saints. Heroism and sanctity don't really appeal to me, I imagine. ❜ ❨1065❩ ❛ If there is one thing one can always yearn for, and sometimes attain, it is human love. ❜ ❨1066❩ ❛ Who would dare to assert that eternal happiness can compensate for even a single moment's suffering? ❜ ❨1067❩ ❛ It's not easy. I've been thinking it over for years. ❜ ❨1068❩ ❛ While we loved each other we didn't need words to make ourselves understood. ❜ ❨1069❩ ❛ People are more often bad than good. ❜ ❨1070❩ ❛ I don't believe in heroism; I know it's easy and I've learned that it can be murderous. ❜ ❨1071❩ ❛ What interests me is living and dying for what one loves. ❜ ❨1072❩ ❛ In fact, nobody is capable of really thinking about anyone, even in the worst calamity. ❜ ❨1073❩ ❛ Nothing in the world is worth turning one's back on what one loves. ❜ ❨1074❩ ❛ Again and again there comes a time in history when the man who dares to say that two and two make four is punished with death. ❜ ❨1075❩ ❛ There are more things to admire in men then to despise. ❜ ❨1076❩ ❛ It is in the thick of calamity that one gets hardened to the truth - in other words, to silence. ❜ ❨1077❩ ❛ What on earth prompted you to take a hand in this? ❜ ❨1078❩ ❛ Your code of morals? What code, if I may ask? ❜ ❨1079❩ ❛ I'm fumbling in the dark, struggling to make something out. But I've long ceased finding anything. ❜ ❨1080❩ ❛ No doubt our love is still there, but quite simply it is unusable, heavy to carry, inert inside of us, sterile as crime or condemnation. ❜ ❨1081❩ ❛ I’m not happy to go, but one needn't be happy to make another start. ❜ ❨1082❩ ❛ I am incapable of suffering for a long time, or being happy for a long time. Which means that I am incapable of anything really worth while. ❜ ❨1083❩ ❛ I should have found the words to keep her with me. ❜ ❨1084❩ ❛ We can't stir a finger in this world without the risk of bringing death to somebody. ❜ ❨1085❩ ❛ The evil that is in the world comes out of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence, if they lack understanding. ❜ ❨1086❩ ❛ There are always flies and itches. That’s why life is difficult to live. ❜ ❨1087❩ ❛ The best protection against anything is a good bottle of wine. ❜ ❨1088❩ ❛ There is no peace without hope. ❜ ❨1089❩ ❛ It's enough for me to be sure that you and I exist at this moment. ❜ ❨1090❩ ❛ There is always something left to love. ❜ ❨1091❩ ❛ A person doesn’t die when he should but when he can. ❜ ❨1092❩ ❛ Things have a life of their own. It's simply a matter of waking up their souls. ❜ ❨1093❩ ❛ Tell me something: why are you fighting? ❜ ❨1094❩ ❛ I've come to realise only just now that I'm fighting because of pride. ❜ ❨1095❩ ❛ One minute of reconciliation is worth more than a whole life of friendship. ❜ ❨1096❩ ❛ It's better than not knowing why you're fighting. Or fighting, like you, for something that doesn't have any meaning for anyone. ❜ ❨1097❩ ❛ Holy Mother of God! ❜ ❨1098❩ ❛ A person does not belong to a place until there is someone dead under the ground. ❜ ❨1099❩ ❛ I was born a son of a bitch and I'm going to die a son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1100❩ ❛ Bad luck doesn't have any chinks in it. ❜ ❨1101❩ ❛ I plead youth as a mitigating circumstance. ❜ ❨1102❩ ❛ Get those bad thoughts out of your head. You're going to be happy. ❜ ❨1103❩ ❛ Children inherit their parents' madness. ❜ ❨1104❩ ❛ I'll turn to ashes in here but I won't give this miserable town the pleasure of seeing me weep. ❜ ❨1105❩ ❛ You would be good in a war. Where you put your eye, you put your bullet. ❜ ❨1106❩ ❛ Men demand much more than you think. ❜ ❨1107❩ ❛ Even the craziest and most persistent love is just a temporary truth. ❜ ❨1108❩ ❛ If we’re alone you can whisper in my ear any crap you can think of. ❜ ❨1109❩ ❛ You have taken this horrible game very seriously and you have done well because you are doing your duty. ❜ ❨1110❩ ❛ We have the right to pull down your pants and give you a whipping at the first sign of disrespect. ❜ ❨1111❩ ❛ What worries me is not your shooting me, because after all, for people like us it's a natural death. ❜ ❨1112❩ ❛ What worries me is that you've ended up as bad as they are. ❜ ❨1113❩ ❛ It is characteristic of men to deny hunger once their appetites are satisfied. ❜ ❨1114❩ ❛ Dying is much more difficult than one imagines. ❜ ❨1115❩ ❛ If you have to go crazy, please go crazy all by yourself! ❜ ❨1116❩ ❛ We have still not had a death. ❜ ❨1117❩ ❛ How awful, the way time passes. ❜ ❨1118❩ ❛ You may be in command of your war, but I'm in command of my house. ❜ ❨1119❩ ❛ I missed you every hour. ❜ ❨1120❩ ❛ You know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. ❜ ❨1121❩ ❛ I’ve risked my life for you. ❜ ❨1122❩ ❛ The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak. ❜ ❨1123❩ ❛ I love you, even the part of you that loved him. ❜ ❨1124❩ ❛ I’m sorry it took me so long to see you. ❜ ❨1125❩ ❛ I never really belonged anywhere. ❜ ❨1126❩ ❛ Thanks for being my best friend and making my life bearable. ❜ ❨1127❩ ❛ Thanks for finding me. ❜ ❨1128❩ ❛ You and I are going to change the world. ❜ ❨1129❩ ❛ I’ve been waiting for you a long time. ❜ ❨1130❩ ❛ I’m not used to people trying to kill me. ❜ ❨1131❩ ❛ You’re shaking. ❜ ❨1132❩ ❛ There's nothing wrong with being a lizard. Unless you were born to be a hawk. ❜ ❨1133❩ ❛ Make me your villain. ❜ ❨1134❩ ❛ Just you and me. It’s always just you and me. ❜ ❨1135❩ ❛ Do you blame me for every mistake I made? For every dumb thing I’ve said? ❜ ❨1136❩ ❛ Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal. ❜ ❨1137❩ ❛ Did you tell him what I showed you in the dark? ❜ ❨1138❩ ❛ Did you miss me when you were gone? ❜ ❨1139❩ ❛ What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men. ❜ ❨1140❩ ❛ You’re interfering with my plan. ❜ ❨1141❩ ❛ Too much champagne? ❜ ❨1142❩ ❛ I hope you don’t expect fairness from me. It isn’t one of my specialties. ❜ ❨1143❩ ❛ There is something more powerful than any army. Something strong enough to topple kings. Faith. ❜ ❨1144❩ ❛ All you said was that I had to kill you. You didn’t say how. ❜ ❨1145❩ ❛ What is she? She’s everything, you dumb son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1146❩ ❛ She’s an ugly little thing. No child should look like that. Pale and sour, like a glass of milk that’s turned. ❜ ❨1147❩ ❛ I wouldn’t make that mistake again. ❜ ❨1148❩ ❛ It’s a great honor, to save a life. You saved many. ❜ ❨1149❩ ❛ In this world, there are things you can only do alone. ❜ ❨1150❩ ❛ What seems like a reasonable distance to one person might feel too far to somebody else. ❜ ❨1151❩ ❛ If you really want to know something, you have to be willing to pay the price. ❜ ❨1152❩ �� Why should you be interested in me? ❜ ❨1153❩ ❛ I have been told I've got a darkish personality. A few times. ❜ ❨1154❩ ❛ It's not as if our lives are divided simply into light and dark. There's shadowy middle ground. ❜ ❨1155❩ ❛ I'll write to you. A super-long letter, like in an old-fashioned novel. ❜ ❨1156❩ ❛ The spotlight doesn't suit me. I'm more of a side dish. ❜ ❨1157❩ ❛ The ground we stand on looks solid enough, but if something happens it can drop right out from under you. ❜ ❨1158❩ ❛ So once you're dead there's just nothing? ❜ ❨1159❩ ❛ If only I could fall sound asleep and wake up in my old reality. ❜ ❨1160❩ ❛ Is action merely the incidental product of thought, or is thought the consequential product of action? ❜ ❨1161❩ ❛ Nobody can shake off their own shadow. ❜ ❨1162❩ ❛ The silence is so deep it hurts. ❜ ❨1163❩ ❛ I may not look it, but I can be a very patient guy. ❜ ❨1164❩ ❛ Killing time is one of my specialities. ❜ ❨1165❩ ❛ You can't fight it. ❜ ❨1166❩ ❛ Tell me something,—do you believe in reincarnation? ❜ ❨1167❩ ❛ I can’t understand nothingness. I can’t understand it and I can’t imagine it. ❜ ❨1168❩ ❛ I can hardly breathe, and my whole body wants to shrink into a corner. ❜ ❨1169❩ ❛ I do have a few things wrong with me, but those are strictly problems I keep inside. ❜ ❨1170❩ ❛ I can't take it any more, I can't go on any more. ❜ ❨1171❩ ❛ You don't really have it together. ❜ ❨1172❩ ❛ Is it against the law for me to know it? ❜ ❨1173❩ ❛ I keep having the same dream. ❜ ❨1174❩ ❛ Are you asking because you really want an answer? ❜ ❨1175❩ ❛ I hate this! I don't want to be changed this way! ❜ ❨1176❩ ❛ No contradictions, no irony. They do everything according to numerical formulas. ❜ ❨1177❩ ❛ Want to hear the rest? If you’re not interested, I can stop. ❜ ❨1178❩ ❛ If I didn’t have these memories inside me, I would’ve snapped a long time ago. I would’ve curled up in a ditch somewhere and died. ❜ ❨1179❩ ❛ I don’t know what you’re feeling. I won’t even pretend. ❜ ❨1180❩ ❛ What are you doing here, honey? ❜ ❨1181❩ ❛ You're not even old enough to know how bad life gets. ❜ ❨1182❩ ❛ You don't understand me. ❜ ❨1183❩ ❛ All wisdom ends in paradox. ❜ ❨1184❩ ❛ It is love that overthrows empire. Love that binds two hearts together, come hellfire & brimstone. ❜ ❨1185❩ ❛ I have lost my gift. ❜ ❨1186❩ ❛ Winter is the season of alcoholism and despair. ❜ ❨1187❩ ❛ The seeds of death get lost in the mess that God made us. ❜ ❨1188❩ ❛ They're just memories now. It’s time to forget. ❜ ❨1189❩ ❛ The time has to be right and the heart willing. ❜ ❨1190❩ ❛ The world, a tired performer, offers us another half-assed season. ❜ ❨1191❩ ❛ Capitalism has resulted in material well-being but spiritual bankruptcy. ❜ ❨1192❩ ❛ Grief is natural, overcoming it is a matter of choice. ❜ ❨1193❩ ❛ I want out of that decorating scheme. ❜ ❨1194❩ ❛ With most people suicide is like Russian roulette. Only one chamber has a bullet. ❜ ❨1195❩ ❛ You never get over it but you get where it doesn't bother you so much. ❜ ❨1196❩ ❛ Don't waste your time on life. ❜ ❨1197❩ ❛ I'm a teenager. I've got problems! ❜ ❨1198❩ ❛ Adolescents tend to seek love where they can find it. ❜ ❨1199❩ ❛ Obviously, you've never been a thirteen-year-old girl. ❜ ❨1200❩ ❛ It was a mistake. ❜ ❨1201❩ ❛ It seemed like we were supposed to feel sorry for everything that ever happened, ever. ❜ ❨1202❩ ❛ Buffeted but not broken. ❜ ❨1203❩ ❛ Shit. What have kids got to be worried about now? ❜ ❨1204❩ ❛ If they want trouble, they should go live in Bangladesh. ❜ ❨1205❩ ❛ I can't wait until I get out of here. ❜ ❨1206❩ ❛ When she jumped she probably thought she’d fly. ❜ ❨1207❩ ❛ I do not think the patient truly meant to end her life. Her act was a cry for help. ❜ ❨1208❩ ❛ You're a stone fox. ❜ ❨1209❩ ❛ It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight. ❜ ❨1210❩ ❛ Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. ❜ ❨1211❩ ❛ He broke my heart. You merely broke my life. ❜ ❨1212❩ ❛ I'm sorry to have deceived you so much, but that's how life is. ❜ ❨1213❩ ❛ Words without experience are meaningless. ❜ ❨1214❩ ❛ I loved you. I was a monster, but I loved you. ❜ ❨1215❩ ❛ Come just as you are. ❜ ❨1216❩ ❛ If a violin string could ache, i would be that string. ❜ ❨1217❩ ❛ Perhaps, somewhere, some day, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again. ❜ ❨1218❩ ❛ What's so dreadful about dying is that you are completely on your own. ❜ ❨1219❩ ❛ Don't touch me; I'll die if you touch me. ❜ ❨1220❩ ❛ You took advantage of my disadvantage. ❜ ❨1221❩ ❛ I walk in a maze I cannot get out of. ❜ ❨1222❩ ❛ Life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses. ❜ ❨1223❩ ❛ Imagine me; I shall not exist if you do not imagine me. ❜ ❨1224❩ ❛ There is no harm in smiling. ❜ ❨1225❩ ❛ There is no point in staying here. There is no point in staying anywhere. ❜ ❨1226❩ ❛ There is nothing more atrociously cruel than an adored child. ❜ ❨1227❩ ❛ I am so tired of being cynical. ❜ ❨1228❩ ❛ Come to live with me, and die with me, and everything with me. ❜ ❨1229❩ ❛ This is the only immortality that you and I may share. ❜ ❨1230❩ ❛ I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth, or hoped for anywhere else. ❜ ❨1231❩ ❛ I was despicable and brutal, and turpid, and everything, mais je t’aimais, je t’aimais! ❜ ❨1232❩ ❛ Years of secret suffering has taught me superhuman self-control. ❜ ❨1233❩ ❛ Solitude is corrupting me. I need company and care. ❜ ❨1234❩ ❛ I've missed you terribly. ❜ ❨1235❩ ❛ I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you. ❜ ❨1236❩ ❛ It doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway. ❜ ❨1237❩ ❛ What makes you say I've stopped caring for you? ❜ ❨1238❩ ❛ Nowadays you have to be a scientist if you want to be a killer. ❜ ❨1239❩ ❛ The sun climbs high in the sky, then starts down. People come, then go. ❜ ❨1240❩ ❛ Tell me, have you ever thought of killing me? ❜ ❨1241❩ ❛ I can not believe you are the same human being. ❜ ❨1242❩ ❛ Just how urgent is it? ❜ ❨1243❩ ❛ It is time for you to be going. ❜ ❨1244❩ ❛ How is it you know something like that? ❜ ❨1245❩ ❛ I don’t mind. Your mess is my mess. ❜ ❨1246❩ ❛ Everybody has one thing they do not want to lose. ❜ ❨1247❩ ❛ I’ll be late tonight, so don’t wait up for me. ❜ ❨1248❩ ❛ Nothing I’ve tried to do by myself has ever come off. ❜ ❨1249❩ ❛ I am not catching you in the middle of anything important, am I? ❜ ❨1250❩ ❛ Some things are forgotten, some things disappear, some things die. ❜ ❨1251❩ ❛ My biggest fault is that the faults I was born with grow bigger each year. ❜ ❨1252❩ ❛ To get irritated is to lose our way in life. ❜ ❨1253❩ ❛ A friend to kill time is a friend sublime. ❜ ❨1254❩ ❛ I don't really know if it's the right thing to do. ❜ ❨1255❩ ❛ Faster cars and more cats run over? Who needs it? ❜ ❨1256❩ ❛ Most of everything you think you know about me is nothing more than memories. ❜ ❨1257❩ ❛ Your fate is and will always be the fate of a dreamer. ❜ ❨1258❩ ❛ You’re loads better than you think you are. ❜ ❨1259❩ ❛ You’re only half-living, the other half is still untapped somewhere. ❜ ❨1260❩ ❛ The song is over. But the melody lingers on. ❜ ❨1261❩ ❛ You are extraordinary. ❜ ❨1262❩ ❛ We tend to fool ourselves into thinking that time is our size, but it really goes on and on. ❜ ❨1263❩ ❛ It could be five years or ten years or one month. It's all the same. ❜ ❨1264❩ ❛ I’m forever realising things too late. ❜ ❨1265❩ ❛ I’m not complaining when I say my life is boring. ❜ ❨1266❩ ❛ Weakness is something that rots in the body. ❜ ❨1267❩ ❛ Coming from your mouth, it has the ring of truth, but I doubt anyone would believe me if I told them. ❜ ❨1268❩ ❛ You can't expect something unreal to last anyway, can you? ❜ ❨1269❩ ❛ A wise man does not step betwixt the beast and his meat. ❜ ❨1270❩ ❛ So, kill me. Tell the others I attacked you so you killed me. ❜ ❨1271❩ ❛ Should never have come here. ❜ ❨1272❩ ❛ Hard to guess my tastes. ❜ ❨1273❩ ❛ Can’t it wait until the morning? ❜ ❨1274❩ ❛ You’ll find temper tantrums won’t help you here. ❜ ❨1275❩ ❛ It must have taken courage to return. ❜ ❨1276❩ ❛ It all sounds grimly dystopian. ❜ ❨1277❩ ❛ I am not afraid of you! ❜ ❨1278❩ ❛ All this could be avoided! ❜ ❨1279❩ ❛ You consider me a murderer? ❜ ❨1280❩ ❛ Gross way to die. ❜ ❨1281❩ ❛ What sparks wars? The will to power, the backbone of human nature. ❜ ❨1282❩ ❛ My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops? ❜ ❨1283❩ ❛ Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others. ❜ ❨1284❩ ❛ I believe there is another world waiting for us. A better world. And I'll be waiting for you there. ❜ ❨1285❩ ❛ You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn't mean you're defective - it just means you're human. ❜ ❨1286❩ ❛ Power, time, gravity, love. The forces that really kick ass are all invisible. ❜ ❨1287❩ ❛ Unlimited power in the hands of limited people always leads to cruelty. ❜ ❨1288❩ ❛ Truth is singular. Its 'versions' are mistruths. ❜ ❨1289❩ ❛ Dreams are all I have ever truly owned. ❜ ❨1290❩ ❛ Your version of the truth is the only thing that matters. ❜ ❨1291❩ ❛ I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. ❜ ❨1292❩ ❛ By each crime and every kindness, we birth our future. ❜ ❨1293❩ ❛ The healthy can't understand the emptied, the broken. ❜ ❨1294❩ ❛ Lying's wrong, but when the world spins backwards, a small wrong may be a big right. ❜ ❨1295❩ ❛ The weak are meat the strong do eat. ❜ ❨1296❩ ❛ Do whatever you can't not do. ❜ ❨1297❩ ❛ What precipitates outcomes? Vicious acts & virtuous acts. ❜ ❨1298❩ ❛ I remain thankful to God for all his mercies. ❜ ❨1299❩ ❛ You can maintain power over people, as long as you give them something. Rob a man of everything, and that man will no longer be in your power. ❜ ❨1300❩ ❛ Power. The ability to determine another man's luck. ❜ ❨1301❩ ❛ Pain is strong, aye - but friends' eyes, more strong. ❜ ❨1302❩ ❛ Perhaps those deprived of beauty perceive it most instinctively. ❜ ❨1303❩ ❛ Why ask a question whose answer would demand ten more questions? ❜ ❨1304❩ ❛ You can’t lie to your soul. ❜ ❨1305❩ ❛ Why would I want to do a thing like that? ❜ ❨1306❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. ❜ ❨1307❩ ❛ Better to make life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨1308❩ ❛ I’m not running away, I’m moving on. ❜ ❨1309❩ ❛ The reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨1310❩ ❛ Some people are easier to love when you don’t have to be around them. ❜ ❨1311❩ ❛ Love does not exist. ❜ ❨1312❩ ❛ Fuck that ‘regrets’ bullshit. ❜ ❨1313❩ ❛ How does it make you feel? ❜ ❨1314❩ ❛ It’s horrible how we always die alone, but no worse than living alone. ❜ ❨1315❩ ❛ Choose us. Choose life. ❜ ❨1316❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨1317❩ ❛ I’m more of a warrior than you’ll ever be. ❜ ❨1318❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low, the scum of the earth. ❜ ❨1319❩ ❛ You don’t have to run away. ❜ ❨1320❩ ❛ I tried to stop because it was only causing pain. I couldn’t. ❜ ❨1321❩ ❛ I’m not going to get crushed. ❜ ❨1322❩ ❛ I love doubt in a woman. It’s nearly as sexy as determination. ❜ ❨1323❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty. ❜ ❨1324❩ ❛ You’re a mess. ❜ ❨1325❩ ❛ I know that it’s never left you alone. ❜ ❨1326❩ ❛ Are you asking me or telling me? ❜ ❨1327❩ ❛ You just get used to all the shit. ❜ ❨1328❩ ❛ You can’t afford a conscience in this life. ❜ ❨1329❩ ❛ None of us are saints and scapegoats are always handy. ❜ ❨1330❩ ❛ Doing things doesn’t hurt you; you get hurt by avoiding them. ❜ ❨1331❩ ❛ What was that? ❜ ❨1332❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨1333❩ ❛ You can’t love yourself if you want to hurt things like that. ❜ ❨1334❩ ❛ What happens when people open their hearts? ❜ ❨1335❩ ❛ Nobody likes being alone that much. ❜ ❨1336❩ ❛ I don’t go out of my way to make friends, that’s all. It just leads to disappointment.” ❨1337❩ ❛ Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that. ❜ ❨1338❩ ❛ You need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. ❜ ❨1339❩ ❛ I want you always to remember me. ❜ ❨1340❩ ❛ Despite your best efforts, people are going to be hurt when it’s time for them to be hurt. ❜ ❨1341❩ ❛ What stays in your heart will stay; keep them, and what vanishes will vanish. ❜ ❨1342❩ ❛ All I want in this world is you. ❜ ❨1343❩ ❛ I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning. ❜ ❨1344❩ ❛ No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. ❜ ❨1345❩ ❛ What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously. ❜ ❨1346❩ ❛ If you’re in pitch blackness, all you can do is sit tight until your eyes get used to the dark. ❜ ❨1347❩ ❛ I’ve had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy. ❜ ❨1348❩ ❛ People leave strange little memories of themselves behind when they die. ❜ ❨1349❩ ❛ Stop eating yourself up alive. Things will go where they’re supposed to go if you just let them take their natural course. ❜ ❨1350❩ ❛ When your feelings build up and harden and die inside, then you’re in big trouble. ❜ ❨1351❩ ❛ When you fall in love, the natural thing to do is give yourself to it. ❜ ❨1352❩ ❛ If I have left a wound inside you, it is not just your wound but mine as well. ❜ ❨1353❩ ❛ Hey, what is it with you? Why are you so spaced out? You still haven’t answered me. ❜ ❨1354❩ ❛ People are strange when you’re a stranger. ❜ ❨1355❩ ❛ The dead will always be dead, but we have to go on living. ❜ ❨1356❩ ❛ You don’t get it, do you? ❜ ❨1357❩ ❛ I am a flawed human being - a far more flawed human being than you ❨1358❩ realise. ❜ ❨1359❩ ❛ At least let me know whether or not I hurt you. ❜ ❨1360❩ ❛ All of us are imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world. ❜ ❨1361❩ ❛ I’ve never once thought about how I was going to die. ❜ ❨1362❩ ❛ So I’m not crazy after all! ❜ ❨1363❩ ❛ I miss you terribly sometimes, but in general I go on living with all the energy I can muster. ❜ ❨1364❩ ❛ Will you wait for me forever? ❜ ❨1365❩ ❛ I don’t want our relationship to end like this. ❜ ❨1366❩ ❛ When am I going to be able to talk to you? I want you to tell me that much, at least. ❜ ❨1367❩ ❛ It hurts not being able to see you. ❜ ❨1368❩ ❛ I’m not totally mad at you. I’m just sad. ❜ ❨1369❩ ❛ The world is an inherently unfair place. ❜ ❨1370❩ ❛ Life frightens me sometimes. I don’t happen to take that as the premise for everything else though. ❜ ❨1371❩ ❛ I’m a real bargain, don’t you think? If you don’t take me, I’ll end up going somewhere else. ❜ ❨1372❩ ❛ We’re all kind of weird and twisted and drowning. ❜ ❨1373❩ ❛ Don’t you think it would be wonderful to get rid of everything and everybody and just go some place where you don’t know a soul? ❜ ❨1374❩ ❛ You’re not telling me anything I don’t know already. ❜ ❨1375❩ ❛ He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past. ❜ ❨1376❩ ❛ If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself. ❜ ❨1377❩ ❛ We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness. ❜ ❨1378❩ ❛ Until they become conscious they will never rebel. ❜ ❨1379❩ ❛ Power is not a means; it is an end. ❜ ❨1380❩ ❛ They are not interested in the good of others; they are interested solely in power, pure power. ❜ ❨1381❩ ❛ Now you begin to understand me. ❜ ❨1382❩ ❛ In the face of pain there are no heroes. ❜ ❨1383❩ ❛ Big Brother is watching you. ❜ ❨1384❩ ❛ Power is tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing. ❜ ❨1385❩ ❛ It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words. ❜ ❨1386❩ ❛ The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better. ❜ ❨1387❩ ❛ Your mind appeals to me. It resembles my own mind. ❜ ❨1388❩ ❛ Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else. ❜ ❨1389❩ ❛ We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them. ❜ ❨1390❩ ❛ How can I help it? How can I help but see what is in front of my eyes? ❜ ❨1391❩ ❛ You must try harder. ❜ ❨1392❩ ❛ Confession is not betrayal. ❜ ❨1393❩ ❛ What you say or do doesn’t matter; only feelings matter. ❜ ❨1394❩ ❛ If they could make me stop loving you —- that would be the real betrayal. ❜ ❨1395❩ ❛ Of pain you can wish only one thing: that it should stop. ❜ ❨1396❩ ❛ To die hating them, that will be freedom. ❜ ❨1397❩ ❛ No one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. ❜ ❨1398❩ ❛ What can you do against the lunatic who is more intelligent than yourself? ❜ ❨1399❩ ❛ To keep them in control is not difficult. ❜ ❨1400❩ ❛ So long as they are not permitted to have standards of comparison, they never even become aware that they are oppressed. ❜ ❨1401❩ ❛ The consequences of every act are included in the act itself. ❜ ❨1402❩ ❛ The essential act of war is destruction, not necessarily of human lives, but of the products of human labour. ❜ ❨1403❩ ❛ Stupidity is as necessary as intelligence, and as difficult to attain. ❜ ❨1404❩ ❛ I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don’t want virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones. ❜ ❨1405❩ ❛ The past is dead, the future is unimaginable. ❜ ❨1406❩ ❛ You know the answer already. Everyone knows it. ❜ ❨1407❩ ❛ You don’t give a damn what they suffer. All you care is yourself. ❜ ❨1408❩ ❛ It is not easy to become sane. ❜ ❨1409❩ ❛ No emotion is pure anymore, because everything is mixed up with fear and hatred. ❜ ❨1410❩ ❛ They say that time heals all things —- they say you can always forget. ❜ ❨1411❩ ❛ The object of waging a war is always to be in a better position in which to wage another war. ❜ ❨1412❩ ❛ I sold you and you sold me. ❜ ❨1413❩ ❛ You do not exist. ❜ ❨1414❩ ❛ How does one man assert his power over another? By making him suffer. ❜ ❨1415❩ ❛ Obedience is not enough. Unless he is suffering, how can you be sure that he is obeying your will and not his own? ❜ ❨1416❩ ❛ Everything else we shall destroy – everything. ❜ ❨1417❩ ❛ Two and two makes five. ❜ ❨1418❩ ❛ Facts, at any rate, can not be kept hidden. ❜ ❨1419❩ ❛ The past is whatever the records and the memories agree upon. ❜ ❨1420❩ ❛ So long as human beings stay human, death and life are the same thing. ❜ ❨1421❩ ❛ If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable—what then? ❜ ❨1422❩ ❛ The lie became the truth. ❜ ❨1423❩ ❛ It is like swimming against a current that sweeps you backwards however hard you struggle. ❜ ❨1424❩ ❛ Turn round and go with the current instead of opposing it. ❜ ❨1425❩ ❛ It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. ❜ ❨1426❩ ❛ I don’t want to die without any scars. ❜ ❨1427❩ ❛ This is your life and it’s ending one moment at a time. ❜ ❨1428❩ ❛ You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways. ❜ ❨1429❩ ❛ You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. ❜ ❨1430❩ ❛ You are not special. ❜ ❨1431❩ ❛ You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. ❜ ❨1432❩ ❛ The things you used to own, now they own you. ❜ ❨1433❩ ❛ Today is the sort of day where the sun only comes up to humiliate you. ❜ ❨1434❩ ❛ Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves. ❜ ❨1435❩ ❛ Only after disaster can we be resurrected. ❜ ❨1436❩ ❛ Everything is evolving, everything is falling apart. ❜ ❨1437❩ ❛ We’ve all been raised believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. ❜ ❨1438❩ ❛ Don’t you have other things to do? ❜ ❨1439❩ ❛ Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. ❜ ❨1440❩ ❛ You have been warned. ❜ ❨1441❩ ❛ If you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t. ❜ ❨1442❩ ❛ It’s not love or anything, but I think I like you, too. ❜ ❨1443❩ ❛ If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person? ❜ ❨1444❩ ❛ Why did I cause so much pain? ❜ ❨1445❩ ❛ The lower you fall, the higher you’ll fly. ❜ ❨1446❩ ❛ Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer. ❜ ❨1447❩ ❛ May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect. ❜ ❨1448❩ ❛ Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head. ❜ ❨1449❩ ❛ We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. ❜ ❨1450❩ ❛ The girl is infectious human waste. ❜ ❨1451❩ ❛ I want to destroy everything beautiful I’ll never have. ❜ ❨1452❩ ❛ On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. ❜ ❨1453❩ ❛ If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose? ❜ ❨1454❩ ❛ It is like you’re never really awake; but you’re never really asleep. ❜ ❨1455❩ ❛ Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave. ❜ ❨1456❩ ❛ A moment is the most you could ever expect from perfection. ❜ ❨1457❩ ❛ The people you’re trying to step on, we’re everyone you depend on. ❜ ❨1458❩ ❛ You have to give up! ❜ ❨1459❩ ❛ Reject the basic assumptions of civilisation, especially the importance of material possessions. ❜ ❨1460❩ ❛ Without pain, without sacrifice we would have nothing. ❜ ❨1461❩ ❛ You have to realise that someday you will die, Until you know that, you are useless. ❜ ❨1462❩ ❛ A tiger can smile. A snake will say it loves you. ❜ ❨1463❩ ❛ Lies make us evil. ❜ ❨1464❩ ❛ If you died right now, how would you feel about your life? ❜ ❨1465❩ ❛ You always kill the one you love. ❜ ❨1466❩ ❛ Maybe we should always assume the worst. ❜ ❨1467❩ ❛ Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains. ❜ ❨1468❩ ❛ Which is worse? Hell or nothing? ❜ ❨1469❩ ❛ A minute of perfection is worth the effort. ❜ ❨1470❩ ❛ You’re going to die, tonight. You might die in one second or in one hour, you decide. ❜ ❨1471❩ ❛ Lie to me. Tell me the first thing off the top of your head. Make something up. ❜ ❨1472❩ ❛ I don’t give a shit. I have a gun. ❜ ❨1473❩ ❛ I know who you are. I know where you live. ❜ ❨1474❩ ❛ Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of your life. ❜ ❨1475❩ ❛ My philosophy of life is that I can die at any moment. And the tragedy of my life is that I do not. ❜ ❨1476❩ ❛ Everything is so far away, a copy of a copy of a copy. You can’t touch anything and nothing can touch you. ❜ ❨1477❩ ❛ There are a lot of things we don’t want to know about the people we love. ❜ ❨1478❩ ❛ We just had a near-life experience. ❜ ❨1479❩ ❛ If people think you are dying, they give you their full attention. They listen instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. ❜ ❨1480❩ ❛ I am nothing, and not even that. ❜ ❨1481❩ ❛ This isn’t really death. —- We’ll be legends. We won’t grow old. ❜ ❨1482❩ ❛ Stop trying to control everything and just let go. Let go. ❜ ❨1483❩ ❛ The amazing miracle of death, when one second you’re walking and talking, and the next second you’re an object. ❜ ❨1484❩ ❛ Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved. ❜ ❨1485❩ ❛ I never thought about how important the sky was until I didn't have one. ❜ ❨1486❩ ❛ Dreams are like that: they go in and out of memories and scenes, but they're never real. They're never real, and I hate them because they aren't. ❜ ❨1487❩ ❛ Power isn’t control at all — power is strength, and giving that strength to others. ❜ ❨1488❩ ❛ A leader isn’t someone who forces others to make him stronger. ❜ ❨1489❩ ❛ A leader is someone willing to give his strength to others that they may have the strength to stand on their own. ❜ ❨1490❩ ❛ In the end, we are alone. ❜ ❨1491❩ ❛ It is like a piece of my soul is lost, empty. ❜ ❨1492❩ ❛ If my life on Earth must end, let it end with a promise. Let it end with hope. ❜ ❨1493❩ ❛ Sorry? Sorry isn't enough. ❜ ❨1494❩ ❛ Every single thing I ever loved is beyond my reach now. Everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever was. ❜ ❨1495❩ ❛ Will you stay with me? ❜ ❨1496❩ ❛ A leader doesn't make pawns - he makes people. ❜ ❨1497❩ ❛ Do you hear that? The pulse of life from your heart, the slow in-and-out from your lungs? Even when you are silent, even when you block out all noise, your body is still a cacophony of life. Mine is not. ❜ ❨1498❩ ❛ It is the silence that drives me mad. The silence that drives the nightmares to me. ❜ ❨1499❩ ❛ There is nothing between us but rain. There is nothing between us at all. ❜ ❨1500❩ ❛ I like a little chaos. ❜

#sentence starters #generate sentence prompts #rp meme #roleplay prompt #roleplay meme #prompt for writing #rp prompt #send emoji meme #long tw

3K notes · View notes

luvvewan · 3 years ago

Note

promptsssssss!!!

13: “Just listen to the sound of my voice.” 🥺🙏❤️

Thank you for the prompt, @sanerontheinside ! I went full Obi-whump, so I hope you like it.

—

The healer crouched at the edge of the bunk and took Obi-Wan’s bare feet in his hands.

Obi-Wan cried out, trying to pull away from the touch, twisting in the blankets.

“Caht, nah.” The elderly man, Hagit, said softly. He glanced up at Qui-Gon. “Numo.”

Qui-Gon had garnered only a handful of words in the native tongue, but he didn’t need to know what the healer said; he could see it in his eyes. Pity. For Obi-Wan, yes. But also for him? Fear lodged in his throat.

“Evvi, eh. Uh…here. Boy…numo.” Hagit motioned to Obi-Wan’s foot.

“Keep him still, Master Jedi, please.” Evvi, their young interpreter and Hagit’s grand-niece, translated. “He sees the spine in the left heel.”

Qui-Gon suppressed a shudder and turned away, leaning over his insensate student. Obi-Wan’s face was covered in sweat, eyes half-lidded, lips cracked and quivering. His Learner’s braid had plastered itself to Obi-Wan’s pale neck and chest. Qui-Gon smoothed it carefully between his fingers. “You are doing very well, Padawan. Just stay still. I know it’s difficult but you must not move,” he used a gentle voice better suited for younglings, despite the fact Obi-Wan was twenty three years old and a newly senior apprentice.

He watched Obi-Wan try to look at him, but another wave of pain erupted through their connection in the Force, and his eyes rolled back. Qui-Gon absorbed what he could, wanting to take it all, though even the echoes of Obi-Wan’s agony were enough to make him briefly light-headed.

He noticed Hagit was speaking again, a distant noise. Evvi said something back to him, then Qui-Gon heard several small, hesitant steps. A hand touched his arm.

“I’m sorry, Master Jedi. Removal is very painful and delicate. He does not want the spine to break apart while still in the foot. It will release more poison.” Evvi explained. “Can you hold him down?”

Obi-Wan was more powerful than his small frame would suggest. The pain and delirium made him combative, and when Qui-Gon gripped his arms he thrashed and snarled. He had never seen Obi-Wan, obedient and self-possessed Obi-Wan, untethered this way. Fingernails raked down his forearm, tore at his robe sleeves.

Sedation was not possible. The medical supplies were limited anyway. They were lucky to have Hagit, who was old enough to remember when the stone-fish were plentiful, before a plague wiped them out. Now it was exceedingly rare to catch a stone-fish on the shore, due to both its near-extinction and impressive camouflage. Obi-Wan had accompanied some of the village’s children to the water, or really they had accompanied him, starry-eyed at the presence of an offworlder, a Jedi. He had been stepping along a path of craggy rocks leading to the ocean when his foot landed on a stone-fish, its spiny, algae-crusted body hidden amongst the rocks and sand.

The pain had been immediate. The children had run, screaming, for help. By the time Qui-Gon found him, Obi-Wan was screaming too.

Other villagers had come. Among them was Hagit, helped along by Evvi at his elbow, his grey eyes milky and grave. Obi-Wan was administered a general anti-venom there on the beach, already overwhelmed by the agony that radiated from his foot through his entire body.

Evvi had told Qui-Gon the poison was brutal and quick. It was not always fatal, but it triggered something nearly as cruel: most victims were gripped by an unbearable sense of dread, demanding to be killed before the poison could fully take them.

From his admittedly foggy calculations, it had been close to an hour since Obi-Wan was attacked. Qui-Gon’s stomach lurched. He did not look behind him, where he knew Hagit was hovering at the wound site, arthritic hands shaking, preparing to perform a task of great precision.

“Still, Master Jedi. He must be still.”

He brought the Force to bear down on his Padawan while using his own brute strength to pin Obi-Wan’s wrists back onto the bunk. Obi-Wan whimpered and moaned, whipping his head to the side. Tears streamed freely down his face, snot and sweat dripping from his nose.

“Help!” He kicked his legs, trying to free himself from the healer’s grasp.

Hagit made a sharp noise under his breath, likely a swear.

“Obi-Wan, listen to me! We’re trying to help you!” He barked hoarsely, wiping sweat from his own brow before straddling his Padawan and laying over top of him, using his weight to hold him down. Their heads were pressed together and Obi-Wan wept and keened in his ear.

Qui-Gon’s heart found new ways to break. The Force was overrun with panic and hopelessness. Obi-Wan twitched and fought under him, desperate to get freed. Qui-Gon tried to use a sleep suggestion but his Padawan’s aura was clouded, elusive.

And time was draining away. He imagined the spine lodged in Obi-Wan’s tender heel, the poison seeping into his blood and causing more damage. “Just…breathe with me, Padawan, alright? There is no pain, there is the Force.”

“I can’t.” Obi-Wan whimpered.

He turned his head and pressed a kiss to Obi-Wan’s temple. “Leave it to me, then. Trust in me, young one. Whatever else is happening…it doesn’t matter. Just listen to the sound of my voice.”

He knew it was a risk, to appeal to the dutiful instinct in Obi-Wan that very well might be overridden by poison-fueled anxiety. But what else could he do? Hold his delirious student down with every last bit of strength he possessed, and possibly break his bones in the process?

Obi-Wan bucked against him, sniffling and gasping. “It won’t stop it won’t stop oh gods…”

“Shhh,” Qui-Gon smoothed his damp hair. “You are so far away from that, aren’t you? Safe with me. Safe and very tired. Only you and only me, far away.”

Nerveless fingers clutched at him. “M-Make it stop make it stop I can’t—“

“Of course I will. Hold onto me and keep your legs very still. You can do that, I know you can. Put your arms around me and hold on, as tight as you can.” Qui-Gon blinked back the sweat pouring into his eyes, body vibrating with hope and dread as Obi-Wan slowly obeyed. “That’s it. Now I want you to keep the rest of your body very, very still, Padawan. Do you understand?”

Obi-Wan heaved an exhausted sob, but nodded. His arms gripped around Qui-Gon’s back while his legs gradually relaxed on the bunk.

Hagit murmured to himself. Evvi touched Qui-Gon’s leg.

In the stuffy little room, everyone tacitly understood what would happen next.

Qui-Gon felt Obi-Wan begin to tense. “Far away,” he continued, as if there had been no interruption. “We can go anywhere, can’t we? We’ve been to so many places together.”

“Nuh, Evvi.”

“Uncle says now, Master Jedi.”

Qui-Gon closed his eyes and released his fear to the Force. “Where do you want to go, Obi-Wan? I remember you enjoying Alderaan, with all the beautiful trees. The people there were so kind, weren’t they?” He did his best not to think of the fragile procedure happening inches away. His muscles shook, ready to react if necessary. He knew once Hagit began removing the spine it could not be halted. “I can’t remember…did we visit in the summer or winter?”

Obi-Wan was holding onto him for dear life, strangled moans catching in his throat.

My brave boy, Qui-Gon thought to himself. The pain was unreal. He couldn’t begin to comprehend what it felt like for Obi-Wan.

“Kill me Master Master oh Force I can’t…”

Qui-Gon squeezed him close. He thought of what Evvi had said--the poor victims who begged for death. He had not thought Obi-Wan would reach that point. But even the Force could not insulate the young man from such all-encompassing agony.

Obi-Wan wept openly against Qui-Gon’s neck. “Master, Qui-Gon...it’s moving..what….what is it doing..?”

“Don’t move,” Qui-Gon warned. “Do you want to go to Alderaan? Or someplace else? Someplace warm?”

They had just finished an extended mission on a frigid planet, yet Obi-Wan shook his head. “N-No deserts.”

Qui-Gon chuckled. Obi-Wan sunburned easily, returning from desert assignments with pink cheeks and ears. “Of course not. No, someplace cool enough to sleep out under the stars. Kodasta, perhaps? Remember how the stars seemed so close, as if we could nearly touch them?”

Obi-Wan clutched at the robe on Qui-Gon’s back. “Y-Yes…ahhh…”

“What was the constellation you saw? I can’t remember. It was quite rare, wasn’t it? I’m never any good at that but you spotted it right away. What was it called?”

“…Th-The El…usive Mage.”

“Oh yes. That was it.”

Obi-Wan moaned into Qui-Gon’s shoulder.

Qui-Gon held him steady. The pain was beyond excruciating and Qui-Gon could only feel the edge of it; Obi-Wan had long since given up any attempts at shielding from him. It was a testament to Obi-Wan’s endurance that he had not passed out.

“Nearly done,” Evvi said.

Thank the Force. “You’re doing so well, Padawan,” Qui-Gon praised him quietly. “Keep right here with me, can you see the Mage? Close your eyes and see if it’s there.”

“M-Master…”

“I know. But we are so far away from that, aren’t we? Among the stars on Kodasta. I see them when I close my eyes. Close your eyes and you’ll see them too. No, no, you can’t twitch like that. Squeeze me instead. That’s better. Now look for the Mage with me. Help me see it.”

“Ugh…” Obi-Wan groaned and panted. “Mmmmph…”

Qui-Gon could not let their progress unravel, not now. “Is it there, towards the left?”

For several strained seconds, Obi-Wan made harsh, pained sounds and struggled for breath. Then, finally: “Y-Yes. You have to…un…ah…unfocus your eyes to see. Look for the hat f-first.”

Qui-Gon smiled, blinking back the tears gathering in his eyes. “Ah, of course.”

“It’s out, Master Jedi.”

“I see it now, Obi-Wan. It’s beautiful.”

His Padawan sagged under him, unconscious.

—

Qui-Gon went to the shore and walked along the rock paths, fingers hooked in his belt. The stone-fish had been immediately killed, its remaining spines safely collected and the rest of it burned by a few of the villagers. Evvi told him some of the men searched the beach until dawn, out of caution.

They had not come across a single other stone-fish. Obi-Wan’s foot had apparently found the only specimen on the entire beach.

But then, Obi-Wan had always been blessed with a particular sort of luck.

He came to the place where Obi-Wan was stung. Specks of blood stained the rocks there. His instinct was to throw them into the ocean.

Instead, Qui-Gon left everything as it was, sea spray misting his cheeks as he turned back towards the village.

—

When he returned to the little cottage, Hagit was sitting at a sun-bleached wooden table in the kitchen. The red-tinged spine, still full of venom, was sealed in a plastibag and held loosely in his liver-spotted hands.

Hagit looked up at Qui-Gon. He was quite old, skin sagging and eyes permanently wet.

“Boy…yes.” Hagit nodded firmly at him.

Qui-Gon found it difficult to swallow. He bowed before the healer. “Graz-ta,” he said. Thank you.

—

Obi-Wan was curled up on the bunk. A heavy blanket was wrapped around him, his bandaged foot sticking out from the bottom. Though he had improved since the day before, his face still looked drained of its color.

Qui-Gon glanced around the quiet, dark room. He noticed Obi-Wan’s clothes and boots tucked under a chair. Evvi had done it, probably, but it was still a familiar sight, reminding him of how Obi-Wan tended to neatly fold his tunics, no matter where they found themselves. His heart tightened; he let it pass. He knew he would feel this way after such a close call. Small, tender things about Obi-Wan were going to strike him at odd times—he knew that, unfortunately, from experience.

Like the way he would hold his braid between his fingers when he slept. Qui-Gon could not recall Feemor or Xanatos ever doing that.

He sat on the bunk beside Obi-Wan and listened to the quaint sounds of life beyond the door. He appreciated the borrowed sense of domesticity that came with staying in family houses: home cooking, careworn sheets, a calmness and mildness in the Force. He wished they could stay here until Obi-Wan fully recovered from his ordeal, but the Council had already sent them their next assignment.

Qui-Gon brushed his fingers against Obi-Wan’s forehead. Glassy grey eyes fluttered open.

“Only a slight fever now,” Qui-Gon told him.

Obi-Wan kept his braid laced between his fingers. He looked swallowed up by the thick weave of the blanket and the night shirt that was several sizes too big. Or was it simply the absence of Jedi trappings that made it more obvious that he was young, human and fragile? “Well,” he croaked, voice ruined from prolonged screaming followed by prolonged silence, “I didn’t die.”

Qui-Gon tried to laugh, but it came out as an awkward huff. He touched Obi-Wan’s cheek. “No. You seem very much alive to me.”

Obi-Wan smiled, his eyes already drifting closed. “I didn’t sense it. The…ah…thing.”

“Neither did I,” Qui-Gon admitted, gazing out the window above Obi-Wan’s head. The villagers had searched the beach, but who could search all of the sea? He began to think of other dangers on other worlds, the unnamed masses of threats that awaited Obi-Wan in his life, on their next mission, even tomorrow. “If we could sense everything, our lives would be much easier.”

“Mmmhmmm. Less interesting?”

“I’m slipping. You’re guessing my lessons before I can give them.”

“Mm, but I can…always sense you, Master.” Obi-Wan mumbled. He would be asleep soon.

Qui-Gon leaned forward until their foreheads touched. “May the Force be with you, my Padawan.”

—

They rarely dreamed together, but that night they did, climbing through constellations in the dark sky, safely above the sea.

#star wars #obi-wan kenobi #qui-gon jinn #obi-wan #qui-gon #writing prompts #obi wan and qui gon #obi wan whump #luvewan fanfic

194 notes · View notes

xxdragonwriterxx · 4 years ago

Text

🔥Wings of Freedom (Part 1)🔥

A/N: FINALLY DONE WITH FINALS!!! Thank you everyone for being so patient and supportive while I’ve fought through the last few days of school, I really appreciate it. But I’m finally back now and with some new fics for you guys! Hope you enjoy, and stay safe out there! ❤️

Part 2 is here!

🐉 Song Recommendation: “Dear Fellow Traveller” By: Sea Wolf 🐉

~~~

Levi looked up from where he was sitting on the sofa in his lover’s office, reading a book, at the sound of (Y/N)’s pained groan. He found her trying to suppress a wince as pain shot up her spine, one of her hands reaching back to rub between her shoulder blades while she tried to focus on her work. Levi sighed. He knew she had injured herself somehow, either through training or on the last expedition, but she refused to tell him how or where she had gotten hurt. On top of that, she also refused to let him help her fix it, always batting his hands away and claiming she was fine. He knew she had a high pain tolerance, always had, but now he was getting annoyed with her. She just needed to shove down her pride and let him help her. She was human after all, she clearly wasn’t immune to pain.

Despite her obvious discomfort, (Y/N) continued to work diligently. It was rare that she was working later than him, but lately more work had been dumped on her desk per her request, her way of trying to help her superiors by lessening their load. Levi couldn’t help but feel pride swell in his chest as he watched her write. She was so hardworking, always trying to pitch in where she could. He knew she was tired, but she kept pushing herself to try to take some of the weight off the shoulders of her superiors, claiming they did way more than necessary and it should be no problem for her to help them out a little. She wasn’t even a superior officer, still only a cadet, despite her older age. It was that determination and willingness to take care of others and work hard that drew Levi to her in the first place. It was also what was about to give her a promotion to Squad Leader, one he knew she deserved as he watched her tackle the horde of papers in front of her.

Another wince of pain from her snapped him out of his thoughts and he frowned, the pride in his chest turning into concern. While he valued her work ethic, he sometimes condemned it, knowing she often failed to take care of herself in her efforts to take care of other people. Her hand was rubbing between her shoulder blades harder now, her face contorting into one of frustrated pain.

Making his decision, Levi stood up and slowly crept around behind her. He wished he could just walk up to her, bat her hand away and get to work on making her feel better, but aside from denying help from others, (Y/N) also had a slight fear of intimacy. She had always flinched or moved away when he touched her, and while she assured him it had nothing to do with him, Levi sometimes felt sick at the thought of her being uncomfortable with his touch. He had been warming her up to it, starting out with little things like brushing his fingers along her arm or holding her hand, but he had to take it slow. He had to be patient, otherwise she panicked.

(Y/N) was so engrossed in her work that she didn’t notice Levi come around until she felt a gentle brush on her arm. She tensed at first, but one look into those gorgeous silver eyes had her relaxing a bit.

“Hey Levi, I’m not keeping you up, am I? I’m almost done if you want to go to bed without me. You don’t have to stay in my office until I’m done, you can go back to your room whenever you want to.”

Levi shook his head. “You know I don’t sleep. And even if I did sleep, I wouldn’t be able to, knowing you were still working. Besides, I know you enjoy my company.”

(Y/N) smiled and chuckled at him. “Oh yes, you are just too irresistible, Levi. I think I would die right now if you left to go to sleep.”

Levi flashed her one of his rare smiles, just a subtle quirk of his lips, but (Y/N) beamed at him, making his heart beat like a drum for her. She had always had that effect on him, her smiles, laugh, and sparkling eyes scrambling his insides and setting his nerves on fire. Gods he loved this woman. It had taken him a long ass time to see it that way, needing both Erwin, Hanji, and a night of free-flowing alcohol to get him to admit it, but he did.

He was willing to go slow for her, to move at the pace she was comfortable with, but he couldn’t wait until she would let him worship her body in the way he knew she deserved. He couldn’t wait until she would let him cuddle her close, run his fingers through her hair, kiss her until she was out of breath. He could feel his body tingling at the thought and forced himself to behave, reeling in his desire to kiss her senseless as he ran his hands down her back and over her sides.

“Well we can’t have that now can we?” Levi purred. “If you need me so much, I guess I have no choice but to stay here.”

(Y/N) hummed in response and turned back to the paperwork on her desk, not paying attention to Levi as he moved up behind her, his fingers gently trailing over the crest of her shoulder. She tensed again and Levi immediately shoved down the feelings of hurt that surfaced. He had no right to feel upset, she obviously just had a fear of intimacy, and he had to respect that.

“Levi?”

“Mmm?”

“What are you doing?”

“Helping. If I’m going to stay here, I might as well be useful.”

Levi paused to make sure she wouldn’t push him away, wanting nothing more than for her to be completely comfortable, before flattening his hand a little, allowing his touch to expand from just the tips of his fingers to the edge of his palm. She was still tense, but she didn’t move to push him away, instead going back to the papers in front of her, albeit working at a much slower pace now.

“Are you okay with this?” Levi asked softly, using his thumb to gently rub her shoulder.

(Y/N)’s heart melted. This man was so perfect. She knew it was hard on him, seeing her flinch away from him when he tried to touch her, knew he struggled with his self esteem, especially when all his life people have been afraid of him, only seeing him as a cold-hearted killing machine. She just couldn’t help it, her background rising up to tear at her confidence. She knew he was nothing like the people she used to live with, but that didn’t change the fact that she felt nervous whenever his skin made contact with hers. She wished so desperately that she could embrace his somewhat limited affection without pause. She wished she could accept his advances and hold him close while he stroked her hair or her back. She wanted all of those things, yearned for them, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not yet, at least.

“Levi, what’re you doing?” (Y/N) asked again, taking a deep shuddering breath as she shoved the memories of pain and horror to the back of her mind.

She hated it but she couldn’t help the slight sigh of relief she felt when he took in the underlying meaning of her words and lifted his hand off of her. Then she felt horrible. She bowed her head and felt the tears surface. She knew he deserved to know, she wanted to tell him so badly why she was so skittish around him, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She knew it was selfish but she couldn’t bear the thought of losing him and she just knew that when he found out, there would be no stopping him from leaving her immediately. He would never want to be around her ever again if he discovered the real (Y/N). The monster. The freak.

“Hey, I’m sorry I made you feel uncomfortable, I just noticed that your back was killing you, so I wanted to give you a massage to release the tension. Please don’t cry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Levi said, his words only wrenching her heart more. He really didn’t deserve this, just as she didn’t deserve him.

“I’m not scared of you, Levi, I promise. I’m crying because I know you’re just trying to be nice and comfort me and make me feel good but I still can’t get over my stupid issues with touch and it’s killing me not to be able to feel you against me without freaking out. You’re always so kind to me, so gentle, so sweet, and I’m never able to reward you for being patient and amazing. I’m so sorry, Levi.”

“Look at me, (Y/N),” Levi said, the command in his voice making her meet his gaze despite the urge to look anywhere but at him. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I know you're trying, and that’s good enough for me. I will go at any pace you are comfortable with, alright? I just wanted to make sure you felt okay. We have that expedition coming up and the last thing I want is for you to get killed out there because your back is fucked up.”

(Y/N) sniffled and nodded at him, a watery smile making its way to her face as she looked at the man she loved more than anything. They had only been together for six months, but she already knew that this man was perfect for her. He had been nothing but the best, patiently waiting for her to get comfortable. Levi nodded once and stared at her for a moment longer, concern swirling in his grey hues, before he stood and went back to reading his book on the couch.

(Y/N) went back to her work, but she made a silent promise to both Levi and herself that she would try harder, for both of them, to get over the horrors of her past. They both deserved it, and she wanted it more than anything. Even if it meant divulging her secret, she would do it for them.

______________________________

(Y/N) could feel Levi’s eyes on her as she winced again, forcing down the urge to rub her back. She had still been in obvious pain when she had woken up that morning, her back hunched over as she tried to arch away from the aching in between her shoulder blades, so much so that Levi had tried to bench her from the mission. (Y/N) had put her foot down on that one, arguing with him all the way out to the stable, until he had finally dropped it as she mounted her horse.

The pain was a problem, she knew that, but she also knew that this mission was going to require all hands on deck. Apparently, some more advanced abnormals had been spotted outside of the gates, ones that knew how to climb, and so they were tasked with going out to find and kill them if necessary. She knew Hanji wanted to study them, but the safety of the other soldiers would have to come first. It had even been announced that the Garrison would be accompanying them, doubling their numbers to increase their chances of success. It was all bullshit to (Y/N), the Garrison soldiers didn’t know how to really fight, having spent their whole lives pissing themselves behind the walls while the Survey Corps went outside to fight for humanity, but she couldn’t argue with the Prime Commander.

They were lined up in front of the gate, waiting for the signal to move out, and she just knew Levi was watching her like a hawk as another pang of heat stabbing her back had her biting her lip. Maybe she shouldn’t have come. It would’ve killed her to stay behind as her comrades fought and died for their cause without her, but now she wondered if that would’ve been a better plan. Not only was the pain getting nearly intolerable, she just knew that Levi would be watching out for her the entire time, at least, more than usual, and it was not a good idea for Humanity’s Strongest to be distracted on an expedition.

She turned around and found his eyes on her just as she had thought, the silver hues narrowed on her dangerously. She knew that look. It was a look that said ‘if you die, I’ll kill you.’ Sending her own glare back, she mouthed, ‘I’m fine,’ before turning back to face the front.

She could still feel his eyes on her but as the bell tolled above them, she reset her focus on the formation in front of her, steeling her nerves against the dangers outside the walls. As soon as the gate was fully lifted, the bell tolls clanging to a stop, Erwin let out a bellowing war cry and charged out into the expansive fields beyond the walls, the men and women behind him letting out similar yells as they followed their Commander. (Y/N) did the same, her stunning liver chestnut mare, Zephyr, rearing up at (Y/N)’s yell, and charging forward. The galloping movement immediately sent bolts of white hot pain up her spine but she ignored it, gritting her teeth and kicking her horse into a faster gallop.

Clearing the gate, (Y/N) immediately directed her horse to the right flank, breaking off with the rest of her squad, her Squad Leader, Hanji, leading the charge in front of them with bright eyes searching for the abnormal titans. (Y/N) rolled her eyes affectionately at her Squad Leader’s antics, a small smile making its way to her face at the thought of the energetic brunette bouncing around her titan experiments while Levi grumbled in annoyance about her getting eaten one day.

Suddenly, Zephyr gave a little crow hop, bouncing over a small log in the field instead of going around it like (Y/N) had expected. Normally, she didn’t mind it too much, sometimes grunting in annoyance at her mare being stubborn but being otherwise unaffected. But this time, the movement caused her to gasp in pain, feeling as if she had just been burned between her shoulders. She saw her surrounding squad members give her odd looks and Hanji even turned with a raised eyebrow to check that she was alright, but she waved them off. She could handle this, she had handled it before, she could handle it now. Anger washed through her system at the stubbornness of her body. She hated how it demanded from her so often, striking bolts of pain into her back every time she refused to let go for more than a few days at a time. She would’ve done so a few days ago, but she had been so busy, she hadn’t had time and now her body hurt like a bitch, screaming at her to just let go.

Ignoring the urge to either give herself what she wanted or claw her own back out, (Y/N) clenched her jaw so tight her teeth hurt and continued forward, hoping for the first time in her life for some titans to show up so she could distract herself from this pain with some well placed blows to the nape. She was at least grateful for the fact that Levi was stationed on the other side of the formation, too far away to focus on her.

Almost as if someone was listening to her thoughts, a red flare went off to their left. Hanji immediately jerked her head up and shouted out orders, lifting her own flare to shoot it into the sky. (Y/N) braced herself, her hand coming back to rest on the handle of her blade despite the lack of visual, waiting for the ugly beasts to show their faces.

She felt them before she saw them, their heavy footfalls making the ground shake as they got nearer. She felt her horse tense beneath her, but a few cooing words had her mare relaxing again, focusing on doing her job. Hanji’s squad was reaching the edge of the forest when the titans finally showed themselves, their wide grins and sparkling eyes spelling out a violent death for all of them as the beasts broke into a run, headed straight for the group of soldiers. The Garrison soldiers around her gasped in fear, their bodies tensing to the point of some of them making their horses frustrated, the animals snorting and pinning their ears at the increased pressure on their flanks.

(Y/N) shot them reassuring looks despite her annoyance at their inexperience, trying to be sensitive to their fear. It was one of the very few times they had ever been outside the walls after all. Pulling her swords from their sheathes, (Y/N) waited for the signal from Hanji, watching as the man-eating monsters got closer and closer, their mouths gaping open in anticipation.

When the beasts were close enough for them to practically feel their hot breath, Hanji gave the signal and the entire squad scattered immediately. The Garrison soldiers reacted slower but followed Hanji’s team, not arguing for once as they fought to avoid being ripped to shreds. Three Garrison soldiers rode on either side of (Y/N) as she galloped towards one of the titans and leaped from her horse, swords poised to strike. The Garrison soldiers stayed on the ground as was part of the plan, and let (Y/N) shoot her hooks into the titan, slicing the beast while it was focused on trying to eat the soldiers below. The giant died with a crash, its body already steaming by the time it hit the ground. (Y/N) landed on the titan’s shoulders, hissing as the hot steam bit her skin, and whistled for her horse.

“Good work, you three,” (Y/N) said as she remounted Zephyr, riding back up to the men flanking her. “If we keep doing that, everything will be fine.”

(Y/N) knew she was lying. Anything could happen on an expedition that could lead to their unexpected deaths, but as the men nodded, a little bit of color coming back into their paled faces, she knew it was worth it to lie. If she could keep their confidence up, their mission would have a higher chance of success.

Looking around, (Y/N) spotted the rest of Hanji’s squad joining back together, the three titans lying dead on the ground, the steam rising into the air as they disintegrated. Nodding to the Garrison soldiers around her, (Y/N) kicked her horse forward and rejoined the group.

“Any sign of the climbing ones yet?” (Y/N) asked, riding up beside Hanji. Her Squad Leader shook her head, a slight look of disappointment on her face.

“Not yet, but we’re still watching. Keep an eye out for black flares.”

“Yes, Captain,” (Y/N) said, slowing Zephyr down again to rejoin her proper formation placement.

The mission continued on surprisingly smoothly, titans coming and going but only some managing to get past the other legions to reach Hanji’s squad. The ones that did get through the ranks were easily slaughtered, the soldiers remaining in their tight knit formation as much as possible. By the time they were rounding the forest, aiming to rejoin the other two groups, (Y/N) was starting to lose control. While killing the titans provided her a good distraction, flying into the air on her ODM gear just made the pain in her back worse, her body screaming at her with every galloping step. Spots were starting to form in her vision, and she knew something bad would happen if she didn’t get help soon.

“Hanji-”

(Y/N) was interrupted by the appearance of several black flares at once, painting the sky in a smokey grey as they faded with the wind. All thoughts of her pain eddied from (Y/N)’s mind at the sight of those flares, where they came from. That was from Levi’s squad. (Y/N) fought the panic that automatically rose in her throat. They had been on several missions together and had survived every single one. (Y/N) had to have confidence that this would be no different. Levi was Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, he could handle himself just fine on the battlefield.

Regardless, when Hanji announced that they were changing directory, spinning her horse around to run towards the source of the black flares, (Y/N) couldn’t help but feel a flash of relief, eager to check on her lover and protect him if necessary.

____________________________

Levi cursed as another abnormal leapt at him, keeping him too busy to assist anyone else, his heart clenching at the sound of screaming all around him. It had happened so fast, everything had been normal, calm, almost peaceful until one of them had jumped out of a tree like a giant, horrific ape. After that, only more and more had followed, the climbing titans using the trees as leverage to jump on top of the soldiers, crushing the ones under their feet and disorienting the ones that managed to avoid the first devastating blow.

The titan swiped for him again, nearly spinning him out of control when one of its claws caught the edge of his cape, ripping the fabric and throwing off his balance. He was running low on gas but he had no place to go, the forest too far away to latch onto a tree and the titan too difficult to use as an anchor point. Levi twisted, and shot his hooks out again before quickly retracting them from where they had landed in the beast’s neck, using the momentum of which to throw himself out of the way of the titan’s next grab at him.

That was when he saw his opening. Right as he twisted, he noticed that the titan had swung too hard too fast when aiming for Levi, and ended up stumbling forward a little, off balance from the force of the swing. Not wasting a second longer, Levi shot for its nape, spinning as he dove down and slicing through the flesh with a furious roar. The beast crumpled to the ground, taking Levi with it until the raven-haired Captain could land safely on its head.

Looking around again, Levi growled in anger. His squad seemed shaken and injured but alive, while the Garrison soldiers had dropped like flies, the strategic fighting style of these new titans proving to be too much for the normally lazy soldiers. While he normally hated the Garrison, Levi couldn’t help but feel a pang in his heart at the thought of the unnecessary deaths, gritting his teeth in anger as he looked towards the forest where things seemed to have quieted down again. For now.

The sound of hoofbeats roused him from his thoughts as he mounted his stallion and regrouped with his squad, his head turning to see Hanji’s squad heading right for them. Kicking his horse into a gallop, Levi and his group met Hanji half way, his eyes automatically searching for (Y/N) and softening when he found her, her own relieved gaze settled on him.

“Levi, what’s going on?” Hanji demanded.

“Abnormal climbing titans, just like the reports said. They were in the goddamn trees, used them like fucking launch pads to corner us,” Levi said, the fire in his eyes stating very clearly what the next set of instructions were. Kill not capture.

Hanji saw that look too and hung her head but nodded. She may be a crazy scientist who loved to do tests on man-eating monsters, but she wouldn’t risk lives unnecessarily. Levi nodded once, grateful for her lack of protest.

“I am low on gas so unless someone has another canister, I’m going to need to head back to the middle. I probably only have enough to shoot up into a tree. That last titan kept toying with me for a while, and I couldn’t find a place to land.”

Hanji’s eyes widened before she nodded. “I’ll take care of your squad, go to Erwin in the center formation. They might even have some extra canisters there if you look in the supply wagon, assuming it hasn’t been destroyed by a titan yet.”

Levi grunted in acknowledgement and turned around, clicking his tongue and pressing his legs into his stallion’s side. His horse burst into a canter and started heading for where they knew Erwin was stationed, the red flares in the sky telling them they had not yet encountered the abnormals.

(Y/N) was just about to turn and double check the gas levels on the canisters of the soldiers around her, able to act as Hanji’s second in command due to her experience, when movement in the trees caught her eye. Her eyes widened and Levi’s name was out of her mouth in a scream before her mind could even really process the situation. Kicking her horse into a furious gallop, (Y/N) ignored the shouts of her name as she rode right for her lover, her eyes watching as the abnormal titan, its body hidden by the canopy of trees, made right for Levi.

To her horror, Levi slowed to a stop and turned to see what (Y/N) wanted, not yet having realized that he was only thirty feet from death. Screaming for him to get out of the way, (Y/N) pushed Zephyr to the brink, desperate to reach him before the titan did, her eyes catching the white teeth that glinted in the dappled sunlight beneath the trees.

Watching where she was looking, Levi finally realized what she must be screaming about. Looking towards the forest, he still couldn’t see anything, but he figured he must be at the wrong angle to see whatever danger (Y/N) could see. Immediately putting his full faith in her, Levi started galloping again, trying to get out of the way. But it was too late. Just as he started moving again, his eyes finally caught sight of the abnormal titan, the beast hanging from a tree branch and smiling at him, drool falling in rivers from its mouth as it eyed him like a fresh cut steak.

Levi knew it was too late, his eyes closing as the titan leaped at him, its mouth gaping, teeth ready to bite him in half. There was nothing he could do. He was out of gas, out of time. His horse panicked beneath him, trying to turn in a way that would avoid the blow, but he wasn’t fast enough.

“I love you, (Y/N),” Levi murmured to himself just as he felt his body get slammed out of the saddle.

_____________________________

Levi grunted in pain at the feeling of being swatted from the back of his horse, his eyes squeezed shut as the wind howled in his ears. He had expected the titan to jump on him like the last one did, but as he felt himself flying through the air, he realized the beast must’ve thrown him. He braced himself to hit the ground, almost hoping the impact would kill him quickly rather than feeling the pain of being crushed between a titan’s teeth.

But he never did.

Opening his eyes, Levi looked down to see the ground far below him, the other soldiers scrambling for cover as the titan rampaged below. He could even see his own stallion, riderless, galloping around in a panic, clearly having jumped out of the titan’s way when he was thrown out of the saddle. But he wasn’t falling towards the ground.

Levi fought for breath as he realized he was flying parallel to the ground, neither rising nor falling, just gliding over the field. He gasped out when his body turned in midair, curving in an arc and dipping down to aim back to where his squad members had finally managed to kill the abnormal and were looking at him with shocked faces, standing around with wide eyes and dropped jaws.

Suddenly, his body was shifted a little, and Levi realized there were a pair of strong, soft arms holding him close to someone’s chest. The wind still howled in his ears, but now that some of the initial panic was gone, he could detect the sound of crying. Looking up, Levi froze, his eyes locking on familiar (e/c) ones he saw everyday. (Y/N) was carrying him. But then how was she working her ODM gear without using her hands to pull the triggers? Where was she connecting her grappling hooks to?

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you,” (Y/N) was whispering over and over again into his ear, her body shaking almost as much as his.

“(Y/N), what-?”

That was when he finally noticed. His face had been so close to hers, his eyes so focused on holding her gaze that he hadn’t thought to look out a little. But now he saw. Over the rush of the wind in his ears he could hear it too, the sound of the air being beat around them. His breath caught in his throat, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. Poking out from (Y/N)’s back to stretch taut on either side of her, were a pair of gorgeous, leathery black wings.

“Hold on tight to me,” (Y/N) murmured, not giving him a chance to question her before she dove down, folding her wings in slightly so that they sped towards Levi’s squad. Levi naturally gripped her harder, his arms around her neck and his face nestled into her throat as they dropped, his heart in his mouth. Just before hitting the ground, (Y/N) spread her wings out again, flaring them open to catch the wind and slow their descent before flapping them a few times to land gracefully on the ground.

(Y/N) instantly set Levi back down on the ground as soon as they were stable, but held her shoulder out to him to lean against, knowing his legs were probably like jelly after that near death experience. She was still trembling like a leaf, a mix of adrenaline and paralyzing fear overwhelming her body.

She hadn’t thought when she had finally let go. She just did it. The sight of Levi, about to get eaten by that foul beast, had wiped all sense of logic from her brain. She would’ve used her gear, but she knew she wouldn’t have reached him in time, her natural mode of flight much faster than a bucket of bolts and wires.

The horrible pain in her back was gone now, replaced by a pleasant throbbing as the satisfying new weight sat perfectly between her shoulders. Her back was automatically realigned, her body made for the wings she displayed so that she wouldn’t hunch. It felt so good to have them out again, even if the breeze that brushed them did cause her to shiver and tuck them in close to her body. But she knew now. There was no hiding this from anyone. Erwin may not have been around to see it, but both of Levi’s and Hanji’s squads had seen it, along with all of the Garrison soldiers that had come along for the trip.

She was starting to feel light headed. This was bad. This was really really bad. Memories came flooding back, the cages and the chains and the whips and the evil grins. She didn’t know what to do. Should she fly away? She didn’t have to worry about titans so much when she didn’t have to worry about gas usage, but then she would be leaving her friends and comrades alone with little gas and a shocked, distracted state of mind. If they didn’t get themselves together when she left, too stunned by her secret to function as an elite unit, they would most certainly perish. She was just about to say something when one of the Garrison soldiers opened his mouth instead.

“Well well well…,” he nearly purred, making (Y/N)’s hair stand up on end. “What do we have here? Those are some pretty sweet wings you’ve got there. How did you get them?”

“That’s none of your concern,” (Y/N) said, her body tensing as she brought her wings impossibly closer to her body.

“I’m assuming it’s a difficult, nearly impossible procedure? I wonder exactly how many of you there are out there. Not many, I’m assuming?”

(Y/N) didn’t answer. She could see where this was going but she had to wait it out, her eyes scanning the territory around them not only for an escape route, but also to check for oncoming titans.

“That makes me wonder…, how much someone would be willing to pay for the only winged human in the world…”

(Y/N) met his eyes then. She felt Levi tense beside her but he still seemed to be in shock, his hair covering his face as he looked down at the ground, refusing to even glance in her direction. The sight made her heart clench painfully. She had known she would lose him when she finally revealed her true self to him, but it didn’t lessen the pain of actually experiencing it, the happy memories from the past six months flooding her brain only to turn sour at the sight of the normally regal Captain hunched over in distress.

“GET HER!”

The loud bellow snapped her out of her thoughts, her head jerking around to see every Garrison soldier immediately charge her, weapons raised and eyes glimmering. She could see them practically drooling at the thought of the mountains of money they were going to receive for bringing back such a rare creature. Letting out a loud snarl, (Y/N) viciously snapped her wings open, the large black membranes stretching out in their entirety before she shot into the air, knocking some of the surrounding soldiers over with the force of her wings flapping. She heard the sound of gunshots and let out a yelp when she felt a bullet strike her side but she kept flying, darting into the forest without hesitation, her wings curling and arching to allow her to whip around the trees. Her wings pumped, beating the air as she flew as fast as she could, disappearing into the foliage until she could no longer hear the unintelligible sounds of screaming behind her.

___________________________

Levi was a complete wreck. When that piece of shit had barked at his men to grab her, bringing out his gun and actually managing to hit her somewhere, Levi had snapped out of his daze and damn near killed the man. Only having both Hanji and a frantic Erwin drag him off the other man had kept Levi from finishing him off.

Erwin, who had come running up when neither of his two troops came back, was quickly briefed on the situation while the Garrison soldiers were held at gunpoint, all of them trying to figure out what the hell to do. In the end, Erwin had decided to retreat, the threat of more titans appearing becoming a greater and greater threat the longer they stayed in one place. Levi had been adamant, refusing to leave his lover out on her own, but Hanji, Erwin, and eventually Mike managed to force him to come with them.

As soon as they had made it back to base, the Garrison soldiers had been imprisoned for the unprecedented attack against a Survey Corps officer, none of their superiors believing in a story about a woman with wings, all of them assuming the men had gone crazy from their experience outside the walls for the first time. The Survey Corps soldiers had been sent back to base to eat and rest, despite the fact that it was obvious none of that was going to happen with the entire place abuzz with rumors and retellings of what had happened on the battlefield.

Levi was distraught, pacing his office as if he were caged, his hand raking through his hair. Hanji and Erwin joined him in his office as soon as they had put away their horses and gear, Hanji even taking the time to take care of (Y/N)’s horse before finding their friend in his quarters. Neither one of them had ever seen him this upset and it worried them, the wild look in his eyes as he fought with himself over the decision to leave her out there, even when he hadn’t had a choice.

“I’m assuming, Levi, based on your reaction that you did not know?” Erwin asked carefully.

“Of course I didn’t know! I mean, her back was really bothering her and she’s always been sensitive to touch, almost fearful of it, but there was nothing to suggest that she has fucking wings hidden in her back!”

“Okay, we need to think about this very carefully,” Hanji said.

“What is there to think about!?” Levi cried. “We are going back out there to get her as soon as the horses have had some water and my squad has rested.”

“Levi, it’s not that simple. We were able to stop the spread of rumors throughout the Garrison for now, but what do you think will happen when we get her back here, hmm? You can’t protect her from everyone, and word will get out about her… gift. You can’t just lock her up in a box either. Obviously, she’s been having some problems with keeping this a secret, so we need to have a solid plan, something to ensure her safety before we throw her into danger unnecessarily,” Hanji said.

Levi sighed and hung his head, bracing his palms against the edge of his desk. What his friends were saying was true, but he just couldn’t help the feelings that were running rampant through him. The thought of anyone trying to take his lover from him made his blood boil. He wanted nothing more than to protect her at all costs, to keep her safe and hidden away from the dangers of the world.

But Hanji was right. She wasn’t just some animal that could be kept in a room and still be happy. She was a person, and not just any person, a person with wings. She would naturally want to be out and about. Besides, he didn’t want her to have to live that way anyway. He wanted her to be able to live her life freely, the way she wanted to, without fear of being captured and used for experiments.

Levi looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned to see Erwin standing beside him, his face scrunched with worry for both of his hurting friends. He could see how much Levi wanted to help her, but he was being irrational and just needed a moment to step back.

“Levi, right now I want you to settle down and rest. That’s an order,” Erwin said when Levi opened his mouth to argue. “Hanji and I will start putting together a plan and go over it with you tomorrow, but right now, you are not in the right frame of mind to contribute. Understood?”

Levi wanted to press the issue further but he eventually nodded and sighed, accepting defeat.

“Good.”

Levi watched as his two friends left, closing the door behind them in the hopes that Levi would be able to eventually relax a little. Levi scoffed at the idea, resting while his beloved was stuck outside the walls, injured and struggling for survival. The only comfort he had was that it was getting dark outside, the titans settling down for the night with the setting sun.

“Just hang in there, (Y/N). Please, just stay alive, I’m coming for you as soon as I can, I promise.”

_________________________________

Levi shot awake, his body covered in sweat and his chest heaving to find himself in his office. He didn’t know when he had fallen asleep, only that he had obviously dozed off in his desk chair, his neck aching from the odd sleeping position. He had been dreaming of (Y/N) calling for his help, screaming as she was crushed between the jaws of a titan. He had tried to reach her, but his feet wouldn’t move, keeping him frozen to the floor as he watched the love of his life die, even after she had saved his life without hesitation.

He brought a hand to his face, wiping the sweat from his skin and closing his eyes again, the sight of (Y/N) blowing him a kiss and mouthing ‘I love you’ before she died, burned into his brain no matter how many times he tried to convince himself it wasn’t real. He swallowed hard and opened his eyes again, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. (Y/N) was the strongest woman he knew. Not only as a soldier, but also in her determination to help others and make it through any situation, no matter the challenge. If anyone could make it out there, it would be her.

Standing up, Levi was about to go brew himself some tea when a light tapping on the glass of his window made him look up. He nearly choked on his gasp at the sight of (Y/N), holding a hand to her side where she had wrapped her bullet wound with torn pieces of her jacket, but seemingly otherwise unharmed. She was standing on the windowsill on the side of the castle, her wings hidden again.

Levi wasted no time in sprinting to the window and flinging it open, pulling her into his arms, immediately burying his face into her neck and inhaling her scent, his right hand placed against her chest to feel her heartbeat drum against his fingers. She sagged against him and hugged him back, a small smile spreading across her face at his affection.

“Oh my gods, (Y/N),” Levi choked out, reaching up to stroke her hair softly. “I was so fucking worried.”

“I’m here now, Levi. It’s okay.”

“How?” Levi asked, pulling back to look her into her eyes.

“Um…, it wasn’t too bad when I didn’t have to worry about gas. I just had to stay high enough to keep away from the titans that could jump, and then I stayed above the cloud line when crossing the wall to stay out of sight.”

Levi blinked at her and she glanced away from him, her front teeth coming out to bite at her lip nervously. He still hadn’t reacted to the news. She knew there was a chance he could try to imprison her, or have her experimented on, but she just couldn’t stay away from him. She had argued with herself when she had finally found a safe pace to stay, but she knew she couldn’t leave him. No matter what happened to her, she had to see him one last time.

“Hey,” Levi said, gently lifting her chin. “It’s okay. It’s definitely… different, but I love you and nothing could ever change that. Not even a pair of beautiful wings.”

“You think they’re beautiful?” (Y/N) asked, a hopeful glint in her eye.

“Yes,” Levi breathed. “And they helped you save my life, thank you.”

(Y/N) nodded and nuzzled into his chest a little, her nerves still tingling. He had called them beautiful, but she still felt wary, like something bad was going to happen any second now.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Levi asked after a moment of silence.

“You saw what happened when people found out. I became very valuable all of a sudden, and not in the good way.”

“You think I would ever do that to you?”

“No.., not really. I guess, I was worried about you hating me, but I never thought you’d hurt me. I was mostly afraid of everyone else, and what they might’ve done to you if you tried to prevent them from taking me.”

Levi looked into her eyes then. She had kept them a secret not just to protect herself but also to protect him. His heart warmed at the sentiment at the same time that anger coiled in his gut, upset at the idea of her having to feel this way because people wouldn’t accept her for who she is.

“How?” Levi asked.

(Y/N) knew what he meant. She loosed a sigh and backed away from him, her arms coming around to hold herself.

“I don’t know specifically how because the experiments technically weren’t done on me. But I was raised in a lab. I was experimented on a lot after I was born, testing my limits and trying to see how strong I was. It was horrible, especially when they would test pain durability and tolerance,” Levi sucked in a breath but didn’t interrupt, letting her pour her heart out.

“I was apparently supposed to be the newest weapon for the Survey Corps, a new line of technology that some people discovered one day. I was supposed to be a prototype of some sort, for a new way to fight. They were going to advertise having this procedure done on people so that we would never have to use ODM gear ever again.”

“But it didn’t go according to plan. I said earlier that the experiments technically weren’t done on me because it was originally my mother that they were using. She was a nobody, a prostitute from the Underground that nobody cared about after she had gotten pregnant from a client. Problem was, when they selected her, they didn’t know she was pregnant. I’m pretty sure she didn’t even know either. They just picked her because she was losing popularity at her particular brothel. Turns out morning sickness isn’t exactly a turn on,” (Y/N) said bitterly, making Levi’s blood boil at the thought of this poor pregnant woman going through that.

“She was experimented on, injected with things, tortured. All in the hopes that she would grow wings like I did. What they didn’t know was that the treatments were actually affecting me inside of her, making me develop differently. They found out when they noticed her stomach extending and used some tests to determine she was pregnant. They made her go through with it, keeping her healthy until I was born,” (Y/N) closed her eyes and swallowed hard, a shuddering breath escaping from her lips as she recalled the last part.

“Apparently, since I developed wings in the womb, when I was born, I ended up killing my own mother, her body not prepared to give birth to two extra appendages. I was too big for her body to handle, in terms of shape, and I ended up ripping her on the inside, both with the size of my wings and the talons I have on each crest.”

Levi’s eyes widened, (Y/N)’s bitter expression telling him that everything she said was true.

“But they didn’t care about my mother. She was just some rat from the Underground to them. So when she died, they threw her body out back for the animals to get and immediately started working on me.”

(Y/N) chuckled darkly when Levi growled, her eyes flashing in agreement. “Yeah I know.”

“So, how did you get out?” Levi asked.

“Well, they would take me on these test flights sometimes, outside the walls to see how good I was at killing titans and maneuvering around their attempts to catch me. I was always attached to things or people, chained to a cart or something to keep me from flying away. One day, when we were out, a horde of titans came out of nowhere. I killed some of them, protecting myself, but when they went for the people I was tortured by…, I just didn’t act quite as fast as I could’ve to kill the titans.”

Levi nodded, love swelling in his chest at the thought that she had trusted him enough to tell him that. “C-Can I see them?”

(Y/N) hesitated. She trusted Levi, but years of instincts and habits were hard to break. Steeling her nerves, (Y/N) nodded once and closed her eyes. Levi watched in awe as (Y/N) took a deep breath and slowly unfurled her wings, the large black membranes expanding and stretching until they were fully revealed.

Levi knew she was feeling nervous, could tell in the way she shifted from foot to foot and bit her lip again, but he couldn’t form the words to comfort her, rendered speechless by the sight in front of him. He had thought they were beautiful when he saw them briefly on the battlefield, but now up close, the only word he could think of to describe her was stunning. Her wingspan was obviously huge, the wings stretching out enough to almost brush along both walls of his office. They gleamed in the flickering candlelight, especially off of the sharp talons she had at the tip of each wing. They almost seemed to breathe, the muscles naturally rising and falling with each breath she took, the membranes turned into various shades of red and gold as the light filtered through them.

“Wow…,” Levi murmured, prompting a blush to form on (Y/N)’s cheeks.

“You don’t think they’re weird?”

“No,” Levi said, gently coming closer to her. “Do you think…, do you think I could… touch one?”

(Y/N) tensed a little but eventually nodded, a curious spark in her eye. “Just be gentle, they are ~Hah! Ahhahh…”

Levi had gently brushed his fingertip along her left wing as she was talking, the soft moan that escaped her mouth causing him to freeze. He looked at her face to see her gritting her teeth.

“That,” she swallowed. “Is very sensitive.”

“Bad sensitive or good sensitive?”

“G-Good.”

Levi smirked. “Oh? What if I do this?”

(Y/N) clenched her fists and stood ramrod straight, a gasp tearing from her throat as he took two fingers and ran them along the inner curve of her wing, brushing against her with the utmost care and gentleness.

Levi marveled at the feeling of her wing. It was way softer than he could’ve ever imagined, like pure silk. It was warm too, he could feel the pulsing of her heartbeat through the membrane, the heat from her blood circulation making her wing have the feeling of freshly baked cookies.

“What does it feel like?” Levi asked, his voice no louder than a whisper.

“Um, like this,” (Y/N) said, her words strangled. She surprised him by placing her hand beneath his shirt and running it down his chest with featherlight caresses. When she reached his abs, she unexpectedly leaned forward and bit his ear lobe, licking along the shell and blowing on it, making him shudder with a quiet groan.

“Oh,” Levi said, his voice two octaves deeper than before as tingles exploded through his system.

“Yeah,” (Y/N) said with a chuckle.

“Where do you hide them?” Levi asked as he reached his hand up to stroke her wing again, ripping another gasp from her.

“There are two slits in my back, they look almost like a pair of giant fish gills. They are nearly unnoticeable normally, but when I haven’t opened them for a while they become more prominent.”

“Is that also why you were having such horrible back pain?”

“Yeah, if I keep them hidden for too long my body starts to get upset with me. You see, I’m built to have wings. My spine is slightly altered to accommodate for them, so when I hide them away, it curls my spine abnormally. If I don’t release them every few days, I get those back pains you saw me dealing with. I normally just release them in my room when it’s late at night and the doors are locked, but I’ve been so busy, I haven’t had time to safely stretch them out without hurting myself. It was because of that that I was so sensitive to touch as well. Part of it was genuinely from my past of abuse, but the other part of it was to make sure you didn’t find them by accident. Sometimes you can cause them to come out by squeezing the right pressure point on my back.”

Levi nodded. “(Y/N), I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this alone. I wish you had told me sooner. Just know that I will protect you and we will get through this together, alright? I’m not leaving you and I will not let anyone take you from me.”

(Y/N) smiled at him, tears springing to her eyes at his warm sentiment. Gods, she was so in love with this man. If she thought he was perfect before, she didn’t know what to think now other than he was more than perfect, and she couldn’t help but swell with pride and love at the thought that he was all hers. She knew in the morning she would have to face a bombardment of questions and the world would get a lot more dangerous for her, but with Levi by her side, she knew they could conquer anything.

#levi x reader #aot levi #attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #captain levi #captain levi x reader #levi ackerman #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman x reader #levi attack on titan #snk imagines #snk levi #snk #snk x reader #snk fanfiction #shigeki no kyojin

190 notes · View notes

blueluneacy · 4 years ago

Text

Bathed in Sunlight

oh boy. OH BOY! so i wrote that other kars fic and immediately wanted to write a sequel. so i did. i am going to drop dead this is all my writing energy for the week put into kars fucking

Word Count: 4.4k, holy fuck

Warnings: not sfw, marking, biting, kidnapping, yandere, stockholms syndrome, general nasties, slight breeding, dub con, threats, serious dead dove do not eat

Man, life really was kinda fucked up right now, wasn’t it? You sighed as you sat, trying to ignore the ugly feeling in your stomach. You knew that Kars was going to show up soon. He showed up every evening, bathed in the lowlight of the setting sun and just relishing in it, and god, you wondered if he just chose the time because he found it amusing that he could reach you in the light. Either way, it disgusted you. And yet, you couldn’t fight the way the sun slowly reached the western horizon, just as you couldn’t escape here. Not that you didn’t think about it, but the threat that Kars frequently reminded you of stuck in your mind, even if he didn’t have to say it. The blood that was on his shoes when he entered your room, or that you found tangled in his arm when he pulled you into a shared bath was enough. But that didn’t mean you had become the perfect little… pet? Partner? Spouse? You weren’t actually sure what Kars considered you, though you certainly considered yourself simply a trophy, a prize for his efforts, degraded and forced to be obedient, bent to his will.

Well, sort of. You found that Kars was just the slightest bit less stubborn than you, leaving you just the least bit of wiggle room. The two of you knew when to pick your battles, when to relent and when to put your foot down. Kars seemed to be worn, tired from his days of carnage and reforming the world, allowing you to bicker and squabble over things that didn’t really matter, such as what you had to wear for the day or what the two of you would eat. On the other hand though, Kars never let you make a peep over larger decisions, like what the two of you would do, or where your place was. You were expected to come to heel when he gave you that look, and you did, but not because you wanted to, but because you were terrified, terrified of what he would do, both to you and to the rest of the world. It was a terrible burden to bear, this feeling that every action you took had the fate of the world in the balance, but you couldn’t help your nature. You were stubborn, you were angry you had to be here, and you hated Kars for what he had done to you.

You told yourself that, at least. It was easiest to tell yourself that all you felt in your chest was hatred, that it was all that pang you occasionally felt was just disgust. If you continued to tell yourself that over and over and over again, it would become true. It had to be. But alas, there wasn’t time to think about everything like that, it only brought down your mood. Not that you could ever have a good mood in a place like this. While the cage was gilded, it was still a cage nonetheless, and although you were certain that whatever you asked for would be given to you, all of it was not without its price. You grit your teeth as you heard those footsteps echo down the hall, leaning against the windowsill as you looked out to the forestry that surrounded this new home. Kars loved to be surrounded by nature, but the forestry and mountainous range was also a good natural defense. Smart bastard.

You didn’t turn when you finally heard the door open, hoping Kars didn’t notice the way you stiffened up, continuing to stare out into the distance. You heard him sigh at the way you avoided looking at him, the way you tried to deny him of the prize he felt as though he had rightfully earned.

“You aren’t even going to greet your lover when he enters the room?” Kars’ voice was harsh, and you could tell he was not in the best of moods. Well, that just isn’t fair, you hadn’t even done anything to piss him off yet. But still, you sighed and turned, looking over at the man and sighing.

“Sorry. I had seen a deer, I was focused on it.” You lied easily these days. It seemed like you had become a lot better at it, your voice no longer quivering when you did, but Kars only adapted, taking in your lies and deciphering them all. It wasn’t that hard, really, you didn’t work hard to hide your vitriol, but today, it seemed that Kars pretended to buy it.

“I see. Well then, come here. It’s been a long day, I wish to relax with my darling beside me.” Kars told you, already moving to lounge on a loveseat in the room, beckoning you forward with a curl of his finger. You just sighed, pulling yourself up from your chair and moving on over to your so-called lover. You sat down next to him, only for Kars to simply roll his eyes and reach over to pull you into his lap, smiling when the only resistance you put up was a huff of annoyance.

“How was your day, my dear? I know you must be so lonely, being left alone without me…” He cooed into your ear. You just rolled your eyes.

“My day was quite pleasant, actually. I had just a fine time by myself, reading and trying to figure out how to duplicate myself so I can escape this hell.” You replied with a sneer, leaving Kars just to dig his nails into your hips, obviously annoyed.

“Oh, how wonderful. Well, that time has ended, so I suppose you’ll have to continue tomorrow.” Kars spat, and you knew that you should probably bite your tongue at this point, but you didn’t care. You didn’t want to be here, as much as a piece of you relished in how you were so close to Kars, clinging to him and safe from all outside danger in his arms. But you ignored that piece, reviled it, hoped that it would die out in your time here as you let poison drip from your tongue.

“Yes, I suppose I’ll have to remember how you murdered all my friends another time.” You replied, leaving Kars just to growl, turning you around and grabbing you by the chin so tight you wondered if you would have finger shaped bruises.

“Do you think you’re the only one who mourns, dearest? You forget that your friends struck the first blow, that… That your little friends killed the companions I had before your civilization was even an idea.” He let you go, and for a moment, you could actually see hurt in Kars’ eyes, a pang of guilt hitting your heart as you desperately tried to lock away, to keep yourself from giving into this obvious appeal to your emotions. Because he was right, you knew that. But still, everyone did what they had to do.

“You wanted to destroy everything. We had to do what we had to do.” You replied, shrugging as you looked away from the way his eyes bore into you.

“Yes. And so did I. The fact that you hold me to account for that when everything now comes into equality is truly hypocritical on your part.” Kars told you. You wanted to bite back, that he’s, you know, literally caused the death of millions, but before you could, he pulled you just a bit closer, pressing your chest against his. “It’s ironic, in a way. We are truly the last of our peoples. It’s only fate that we would end up together like this.” He told you, his lips moving closer to yours as he attempted to pull you into a kiss, but you just gulped, pushing him away in your panic, in your realization that no, Kars really did love you, and it was so much more sickening that you knew that in a way, he was right, your hatred of him was a little unjustified at the beginning. I mean, at this point in time, even if you threw out everything else he did, the kidnapping, threats of violence, and the fact that he was murdering all people who dared to challenge him was enough cause for hatred, but hey. You weren’t exactly concerned with semantics right now.

“I don’t care! I hate you, I really do hate you! You’re terrible! You can keep me here, you can torture me, but you can never force me to love you!” You spat, backing away from Kars as he grit his teeth, rising from his seat and looking down at you with an anger you rarely had seen.

“Oh, can’t I? You already are succumbing to me, I know you are, darling. You just need a little more convincing.” Kars replied, easily reaching over and grabbing you by the wrist and beginning to drag you onto the bed, ignoring as you squirmed and attempted to break free of his grasp. He just growled, throwing you onto the bed and easily maneuvering on top of you, pinning you down easily.

“You’re brave, but your stubbornness is simply pigheaded. Your insistence to try and fight every little gesture I give to you is infuriating, and I intend to put an end to that behavior.” Kars told you, his voice low in his throat. Before you could even bite back, his lips smashed into yours, all teeth and tongue. You weren’t quick enough to press your lips together, forced to submit to your lover’s kiss as he played with the collar of your loose fitting shirt. You whimpered, attempting to pull away only for Kars to lean in more, not breaking the kiss until he was satisfied. He smirked down at you as he saw the way you were breathless, panting and confused, swallowing as you looked up at the Pillarman, begging with your eyes for some sort of forgiveness. But still, it wouldn’t come. Kars just chuckled, easily tearing off your top with his claw like nails, leaving you to gasp, attempting to free yourself from his grasp once again.

“Oh, darling, don’t make me have to tie you up. You will let me do as I please during this, and you will enjoy all of it.” Kars growled, before moving his mouth to your shoulder and biting down, hard. You squeaked at the pain, taking deep breaths as you felt the vampire drink from you as he pleased. You could tell that he planned on making sure that the wound stayed and scarred, the idea of being marked by the man making you clench your legs together. God, get your head in the game! There was no way you could actually like any of this, and you were going to make that clear. To Kars at least, if you couldn’t make it clear to yourself.

“T-There’s no way I’m going to enjoy this… You can’t make me enjoy anything, you sick bastard…” You tried to sound at least the slightest bit threatening, but your attempt was pretty weak at best. Kars just hummed, pulling away from your neck and licking his lips. You saw the way your blood clung to his teeth and just shuddered, looking away as your face flushed.

“Is that so, darling? Well, we’ll just have to see about that…” He told you, releasing your arms in favor of reaching down and pulling off your underwear, carelessly tossing it to the side once off. You gasped at how he easily spread your legs apart, seeing how your body was producing just a bit of lubricant, a fact you quite wanted to ignore. Kars just hummed, running a finger along your folds to gather some up on his finger before licking it off. You just huffed, looking away as Kars chuckled at your dismay.

“Don’t look away. I want your eyes on me at all times while I do this.” His voice was smooth, sultry as he slotted his head between your thighs, your eyes widening.

“W-Wait, what are you-” Your own moan cut you off as Kars licked a long stripe against your folds, relishing in the way your thighs clenched around his head to bring him closer. You whimpered a bit, biting the inside of your cheek to keep yourself quiet as Kars easily lapped at your pussy, his tongue pushing inside of you before pulling out and moving to press chaste kisses against your inner thighs.

“How cute, you’re already clenching around nothing, pet. Have I been neglecting you? Oh, don’t worry, I won’t be making that mistake again.” He chuckled, before moving back in, pressing a finger inside of you. He was careful about it, fearing his claws would tear you open. You just grit your teeth, trying to stay strong, but god was it hard! Kars was obviously much more experienced than you, knowing exactly what to say to make you weak kneed.

“S-Shut up, you f-fucking- Ngh!” You threw your head back as Kars added another finger, the pad scraping against you g-spot. You panted as Kars took note, experimentally prodding at the spot and leaving you to moan. “Oh, pleasepleasepleaseplease-!” You moaned out, instinctually running a hand through Kars’ long hair. You were surprised to find that it was a lot softer than you imagined. Kars just chuckled, letting his tongue run over your clit before scissoring his fingers, stretching you open. When you realized that he was opening you up for his cock, you just clenched around his fingers again.

“There we go, perfect. This is what you should be doing, begging while I stretch you open for me. Such a pretty little pet, panting and mewling just for me.” He crooned, leaving you to whine. You wanted to argue so bad, that it wasn’t your fault that his fingers just so happened to feel amazing inside of you, but you weren’t sure that you could exactly make a convincing argument for that, especially while said fingers were still inside of you. So you chose only to respond with a soft moan, bucking your hips gently, unsure if you were trying to get him to stop or get more out of the experience.

Either way, Kars took it as an act of submission, moving back down to lap at the juices now freely flowing from you before adding a third finger. It actually stung a little, but the slight pain was greatly outweighed by the desire to be filled that was threatening to overwhelm you. You gripped Kars’ hair just a bit tighter, trying to pull him in closer as he worked you open, groaning softly at the way you just gave into him. But he was too slow, too teasing for you. You needed more, and now, but you didn't want to actually be the one to ask for it. No, that was a point of pride for you at this point, trying to calm yourself down as your body got hotter and more worked up, aching to be filled by this man who had ruined your life.

“K-Kars, I, oh god, p-please, I, oh right there, w-wait, n-no more, I, oh fuck!” Well, that attempt to try and get him to stop was great. You could barely get the words out, hips rolling against Kars’ face as he chuckled, the nails of one of his hands digging into the meat of your thighs.

“What is it pet? Do you need more? Do you need me to fuck you, to make you scream so everyone in this building knows who you belong to?”

No! “Yes!” God damn it! It was like your rational mind had been thrown out the window, consumed by the desire for Kars to fuck you, mark you, keep as his, safe and warm with him. “Please, I need it, please fuck me, please?” Your voice got softer, batting your eyes in the way you know Kars liked. When you felt like Kars was going to put his foot down on something, you tended to pull out those puppy dog eyes, knowing that Kars had a hard time resisting them. But, well, apparently those eyes didn’t translate to everything. Kars just hummed, pulling his mouth away from you but keeping his fingers inside of you, leaving you to just whimper as you saw your own juices on Kars’ chin.

“But, I thought you hated me, darling. Wouldn’t you rather I leave you alone, let you be here all by yourself?” Kars asked, his voice mocking in a way that made you just the slightest bit angry. God damn this man, he was really just going to make you say it, wasn’t he? Bastard.

“I-I… Please Kars. I need you, please. Y… You’re the one who made me like this, you have to take responsibility.” You told him, trying to make it sound reasonable, as if the two of you were actually arguing again, but this time you sounded so much more meek, your voice quiet and embarrassed. Kars just hummed, pulling his fingers out of you slowly, leaving you to whine in protest. He let his tongue lave along them before pulling you into a bruising kiss, watching as you just melted into it, wrapping your arms around the man and whimpering as you tasted your own juices on your tongue. When he finally pulled away, you were breathless, squirming and attempting to spread your legs wider. Kars relished in your submission, in the power he held over you, using your own body against you in his fight to gain your affections. And the worst part was, it worked. Really fucking well. You watched as Kars quickly disrobed, swallowing as he finally pulled himself out of his loincloth, before looking away. God, he was massive, what the fuck! You were ill prepared for that, this may be a mistake. But Kars just smirked at your staring, slotting himself in between your thighs and rubbing his cock against your slickened folds.

“Didn’t you ever learn it was rude to stare? Or is it that you’re so entranced by me that you can’t help it?” Kars asked, leaning in closer as he positioned his body to hover over yours, his mouth leaning into your neck and shoulders to nip and suck deep bruises onto them, basking in the idea of marking you for everyone to see. Of course, there aren’t many people left to see it, but the sentiment was there. You whimpered as Kars rubbed against you, teasing you as the head never actually caught at your entrance. You pursed your lips and dug your nails into Kars’ shoulders just a bit, trying to express your frustration, but the Pillarman just seemed to laugh.

“What is it, darling? If you want something, you’ll need to tell me clearly.” Kars told you. You just looked away, clearly embarrassed as you started to wriggle a bit, hoping to see if you could take what you wanted yourself.

“B-But I already said it once! Don’t make me beg you again, it’s embarrassing Kars…” You tried to play up your whole innocent act. You weren’t lying, it was extremely embarrassing, but you were certainly trying to appeal to Kars as you stared at the sheets. He just smiled, not cruelly but in a way that actually made your heart flutter in a way you wished you could suppress, leaning into your ear and cooing sweetly.

“Tell me what you want again, sweetness. I love to hear you tell me, I could listen to it over and over again. I want to make you feel good, I’ll need to know exactly what it is you need from me.” His voice was so gentle, enough to make you completely relax against the bed as you finally seemed to fully fall under whatever spell Kars seemed to have cast over you, blinking up a few times before finally responding.

“I… I want you to fuck me Kars. Please, make me yours.” You replied, a glaze coming over your eyes as Kars smiled, pulling you into a tender kiss before slowly pushing into you. Your eyes widened at the stretch, easily clawing at Kars’ back in reaction to just how massive he was. No matter how much you felt like you wanted this, poor prep was poor prep after all. But Kars moved slowly, pulling away and whispering into your ear how well you were doing, how greedily your sweet cunt was swallowing up his cock, how you were almost there, just a few more inches. When Kars’ finally bottomed out inside of you, you felt almost sickeningly full, holding onto your lover tightly and trying to take deep breaths as you adjusted to the side inside of you.

“So good for me, there we go. Such a sweet, tight thing, pulling me in. I knew you loved me the same way I loved you, you just were too stubborn to admit it…” Kars whispered into your ear as he started to pull out, before slamming back inside of you. You let out a gaspy moan, your head rolling back as Kars began a slow but brutal pace, making sure you felt the drag of his cock in every thrust. You moaned, resting your head on Kars’ shoulder before the bold idea of mouthing your own hickies onto him occurred. He growled a bit at the feeling, his pace speeding up just the slightest bit as you sucked on his skin, frustrated to see your marks disappear as quickly as you left them. You grumbled a bit, biting down a little harder and smiling as you heard Kars gasp, before leaning in and giving you a nip of his own. He was clearly amused by the whole debacle, but there was also a clear message that he intended to remain in charge here, and that anything you do should remain playful at most. But all you wanted to do was mark your lover in the same way that he had marked you, and when it seemed like that wasn’t going to work, you resigned yourself to laying your head against his shoulder, crying out your praises and pleads to the man.

“K-Kars, please, so good, more, you feel s-so good, so big, fuck, need you, please, mooooore…” You whined, on the verge of drooling onto his shoulder as the Pillarman adjusted his hips to thrust into you a bit more deeply, the head of his cock nudging up against your womb and leaving you to shudder.

“Heavens, you’re mine. All mine, I love you, mine, mine to keep and fuck and fill full of my children. Don’t you ever forget that.” He growled into your ear, clearly starting to lose some of his senses as his pace sped up, his hips slamming against yours as he grew more feral, his hands finding their way to your hips and digging his claws into them to leave pinpricks of blood to spill from your soft flesh. In return, you just cried out and wrapped your legs around Kars’ waist, trying to pull him closer as you began to near your end.

“Y-Yes, Kars, god! Feels so good, please!” You were practically mewling at this point, your voice heady and broken as Kars took what he wanted from you, and god, you couldn’t be any happier over it.

“Say it. Say that you’re mine, that you love me.” Kars’ voice was low, husky, more akin to an animal than to a human at this point, but you couldn’t help but stumble over yourself to comply, to try and please him in hopes of reaching your own peak.

“All yours, I’m yours Kars! I love you, love you so much, I’ve always loved you, god, please, I’m so close, please let me cum, I need you!” You whimpered, your declaration of love enough for Kars to wrestle your head off his shoulder so he could look you in the eye, and you vague were able to take note of the wild look he had in his own, something that should scare you but only made pleasure curl more tightly in your belly.

“Good, cum for me, cum all over my cock and milk me, make me cum inside of you, plant my child in your belly, cum for me, (Y/n)!” His voice steadily grew louder until he was practically commanding you, and your body more than happily agreed, immediately clamping down on the man as you tumbled over the edge. You cried out Kars’ name as you found yourself in bliss, whimpering as you heard Kars let out a throaty, inhuman sound before sinking his teeth into your shoulder, holding onto you as he came. You moaned, quickly finding yourself rushing to overstimulation as Kars filled you up, easily pumping you full of copious amounts of cum, to the point where your belly started to look just a tad bigger. You blushed as you felt some of his cum push past the seal of his cock, dripping onto the sheets and leaving a mess to mix with your own slick.

When Kars finally pulled out and pressed his lips against yours, you nearly collapsed into the sheets, tired and sweaty from your vigorous lovemaking. You knew that you should feel upset. Embarrassed, angry even, but all you felt was calm, serene and fulfilled as Kars laid down next to you and pulled you into his arms. You didn’t fight them, only closing your eyes and laying your head against his chest.

“The poor sheets are going to stain…” You mumbled, trying to find the slightest bit of reason you could still grapple at to get out of this, to fight the now dominant side of your brain that told you that Kars loved you, he protected you, and you loved him back. Of course you did, didn’t you always?

“I’ll have someone clean them tomorrow, don’t worry. Just get some sleep, my dear. I’ll be here when you wake.” He cooed, and you just relaxed in his arms, snuggling up. The words slipped out, really, without any control over them. No one could blame you for saying them, for whispering something that only the two of you would hear.

“I love you.” And Kars just sighed, leaning in to press a kiss on your forehead as you finally began to drift off to sleep, knowing that the two of you would awake bathed in sunlight, reborn as the new rulers of this world. As the lover Kars always envisioned the two of you would be.

“I love you too, sweetling. I always have.”

#kars/reader #kars x reader #jjba imagines #jjba x reader #jjba/reader #yandere x reader #yandere/reader #yandere fic #writing #My writing #mine #NOT SFW

299 notes · View notes

whoreforenemiestolovers · 4 years ago

Text

a story i wrote about eris and mor and what happened five-hundred and nineteen years ago.

Word Count: 3093

Characters: Eris, Morrigan, Cassian, Keir, Beron, Rhysand

TW: Abuse, Torture

---

Eris was still reeling from his conversation with Cassian.

“Why did you leave Mor in the woods that day?” Cassian had pushed and pushed for an answer. He sat by the fire in the room Rhysand had given him for his stay in the Hewn City, a glass of liquor in his hand. He never let his thoughts wander to the events from over 500 years ago. The memories were just too painful.

“I think you might even be a good male.” Eris shuddered, he didn’t need a brute like Cassian telling him he was a good person.

“You’re just too much of a coward to act like one.” Eris would have imagined Morrigan would have told them the truth by now, considering that is what she’s known for. He started fading off to sleep, eyelids heavy from the alcohol, and for the first time in years, let his mind recollect the months leading up to the worst moment of his life.

Five-Hundred and Nineteen Years Ago...

Mor was the most beautiful woman Eris had ever seen. Her blonde hair shining as bright as the sun, her golden-brown eyes twinkling in the moonlight of the Night Court, and that red dress that she loves to wear, Eris couldn’t get enough of her.

From the moment Eris Vanserra laid eyes on Morrigan, he didn’t see any other female. He begged and pleaded with his father to arrange a union for them, and finally, he agreed. Tonight is Mor’s birthday and her father Keir is going to announce the wedding to the Night Court.

Morrigan was on the dance floor with her cousin, and High Lord of the Night Court, Rhysand. She moved like a goddess and Eris was head over heels for her. Keir moved to the center of the room.

“May I have everyone’s attention,” Keir was tapping on his glass, looking like a smug prick. Morrigan’s father was such an asshole, so much so that one of the reasons Eris was so set on marrying her was to help her get away from him. “I would like to make a toast for my daughter’s Morrigan’s birthday,” he paused and smirked at Beron, Eris’ father and High Lord of the Autumn Court. “Tonight is my daughter’s seventeenth birthday, one of very many being High Fae. Tonight’s party is for her and being so, I have a present. Too long have we been at odds with the Autumn Court so tonight I am proud to announce that my daughter will be married to Eris Vanserra, the oldest child and heir of the Autumn Court.” Everyone started clapping and cheering but from across the room, Eris could see Mor’s face drop.

He could see a tear slip from her eye and something inside of him broke. Mor ran from the room and Eris followed.

Eris followed Mor into a dark corridor, far from the festivities, the scent of her perfume almost sending him to his knees. “What’s wrong Mor?” She turned around, tears staining her red cheeks.

“Did you know about this?” He could hear the hurt in her voice.

“Of course I did, I want to marry you.” Eris was being open and honest, something he never does. “You’re my mate Mor.”

“Don’t say that,” Mor was looking around to see if anyone heard, “I am no one’s mate. I do not belong to anyone. We have talked about this and I have said that I do not want to marry right now. I am only seventeen Eris. I want to live.” Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. “Eris, I--” Eris cut her off before she could say anything.

“Please don’t say it Mor. Give me time. I will delay the wedding. You can have all the time you need to live your life before settling down. Let me prove myself to you. Give me a year and if I don’t change your mind by then, then you can say it, I promise. But please Mor, do not say those words to me. Not right now.” Eris didn’t think he could bear hearing those words. The breaking within his chest. Not being able to sense her. To feel her.

Mor hesitated before answering, searching his eyes as if she was questioning whether or not he was genuine. Her tears were gone and the silence was heavy between them as he waited for her answer, and then finally, she spoke. “Okay Eris. One year. If you can delay the wedding I won’t say the words. Not yet.” He let in a slight breath at the sound of his name on her lips, praying one day she would say it with love in her voice. A faint smile overtook her lips as she leaned in to whisper in his ear, “I truly hope you can persuade me within the year,” she paused and looked into his eyes, “I think you might be one of the good ones.” With that, Mor ducked around him, heading back to the party.

Two Weeks Later…

Eris looked into the eyes of the beauty across the table from him and something broke inside of him. “What do you mean we have to get married within the month?” Mor questioned her father.

“I mean what I just said Morrigan. Beron and I decided it would be best if the ties between our two courts were solidified before this war comes to us.”

Rhysand, who had been silent this entire meeting, finally spoke up, “This isn’t your court Keir. Last I remembered I am the High Lord.” The earth seemed to shudder from Rhysand’s power.

“You might be the High Lord but you are barely more than a child.” Keir scoffed as if forgetting Rhysand is the most powerful High Lord Prythian has had in centuries. Eris swore he could see Rhysand’s power creeping across the table to Morrigan’s father.

Keir went still. “You seem to be forgetting that I am High Lord because I was the most powerful in my family, uncle. Do you see how easy it was for me to penetrate your mind just now? With a snap of my fingers, you’re brain dead, a living corpse. Never speak to me like that again or I will not hesitate.” Everyone at the table was silent and motionless as life returned to Keir’s eyes and motion to his body.

Morrigan was speaking now, “Rhys you’re the High Lord, can’t you stop this?” Rhysand’s eyes went dark. He began to speak with a softness in his voice Eris had never heard before.

“As much as I would like to Mor, I can’t,” Rhysand looked down, “ I may be High Lord but Keir is your father. Until you are married, you are technically his property. I can’t claim blood kin on you because he is alive.”

Mor jumped out of her seat, slamming her hands down on the table with rage glittering in her eyes. “Then kill him Rhysand! I am no one’s property, least not his!” Keir was staring at her wide-eyed, probably wondering if Rhysand will actually do it, Eris thought. Rhysand and Mor have always been close, there is rarely anything he wouldn’t do for her.

“Mor, you know I would love to,” Rhys paused, glaring at Keir, “but I can’t.” Rhysand looked exhausted and defeated. It was Beron’s turn to speak up.

“There will be no debate. You both will be married within the month.” Fire was simmering beneath his eyes, the same fire that was within Eris. Beron stood up from where he sat, “do not test my temper children.” With that, he turned on his heel and left the meeting room. Mor then glanced at Eris, tears brimming in her eyes.

“You promised,” she let out a sob and a piece of Eris’ heart broke at the sight. Keir laughed, receiving a growl in return from Rhysand. With that, he left the room as well, leaving only the three of them.

“Mor I will figure something out, just promise me you won’t do anything stupid,” Eris was pleading with her because Gods only knew what his, or her, father would do if she did anything to sabotage the union. Mor looked at him through her tears, sadness and rage flickering through to the surface.

“I will make no such promise,” she wiped off her tears, straightened her gown, and walked out of the room. Rhysand looked at Eris with dismay. They stood in silence for a few moments before Eris spoke.

“Should I go after her?” Eris had always been good at talking to females but Mor was different, he loved her. She was his mate, and he never wanted to do anything to upset her.

“I think Mor just needs to be alone right now. Give her some time I’m sure she’ll come around,” and with that, Rhysand departed as well, leaving only Eris to his thoughts.

The next morning Beron announced they would be departing after breakfast, winnowing back to the Autumn Court. Eris wasn’t ready to go. He knew once they were back in their own court, in the privacy of their home, Beron would raise hell. He still had the scars left from last time.

Mor wasn’t at breakfast. Eris frowned at not being able to see her again before he left. After breakfast, Rhysand winnowed them both back to the Autumn Court and as quickly as they appeared, he disappeared. Beron turned to look at Eris, “go wait for me in the cave. I have some things to attend to first,” He smirked at him and Eris swore it was the most evil sight he had ever seen. Eris slowly made his way down to the cave, building up the strength he will need to face his father. He entered the cave and waited. Five minutes. Ten minutes. An hour. Beron liked to make him wait, to build up the anxiety and fear for what’s to come. After two hours of sitting in silence the door creaked open and in walked the High Lord of the Autumn Court.

“Hello, my oldest son. My heir. The one who, even though I give so much, shows so little respect.” Beron walked across the room to a tray that held many sorts of torture devices and weapons to inflict pain. “Why haven’t you strapped yourself to the chair yet,” he questioned, still studying the instruments in front of him.

Eris used his magic to strap himself to the chair, bracing himself for what he knew would come next. “Keir told me what your dear Morrigan said after I left the room, ‘you promised.’ What exactly did you promise her my dear child?” He walked closer to Eris, a scalpel in his hand. “What did you promise her?” The scalpel was on his face now, pushed a little deeper and it would draw blood.

“Just that I would try to have the wedding delayed for a bit,” Beron pushed the scalpel into his cheek, slicing from his cheekbone to his chin. Eris screamed in pain.

“And why would you want the wedding delayed, boy? I thought you wanted to marry her?” Beron moved the scalpel to the other side of his face, cutting once again, only deeper. Eris jerked and screamed, hoping someone, anyone, would hear and stop this madness. But Eris knew better. He knew no one came down here and even if they did, they knew to ignore whatever they heard. Eris’ face was on fire, the salty tears from his eyes burning the wounds on his face.

“I do want to marry her, that's why I would delay it. Because it’s what she wants and I love her.” At that, Beron summoned fire into his hand and pressed it into Eris’ bare chest, right over his heart.

Eris was thrashing against the straps, the smell of his burning flesh mixed with the pain being inflicted almost made him vomit. “Now what have I told you about love?” Beron lifted his other hand, summoning flame to it as well, and pressed it against the other side of his chest. Eris couldn’t take it anymore. He was going to die soon if Beron didn’t stop.

“You said it isn’t real! That we shall meet the standards of no female!” Eris was screaming from the pain. He looked down and could see muscle and bone from where the skin was being burnt off. Beron retracted his hands.

“That’s right. We bow to no female. Why do you think there isn’t a High Lady? It doesn’t exist because females are the weaker sex. We can admire them for their bodies and fuck them like they’re dogs but we will never bow for a female.” Eris was gasping for air.

“W-we will n-never bow for a f-female.” Beron stood up, keeping his eyes on Eris. He picked up the scalpel once more, cutting a deep line into Eris’ thigh, just slightly missing a vein. Eris blacked out from the pain.

Eris awoke in his bedroom, bandages on his chest and leg. His face was healed by a healer so no one would know what happened but his father likes him to keep the scars on the rest of his body. He tried to sit up, pain flashed through his body and he collapsed back on the bed.

“Shhh don’t try to sit up. Say still,” the voice was one he recognized. The healer who has been there every time he has awoken from a blackout.

“How long have I been asleep Lydia,” he hated to think he’d been out for longer than a day.

“Three days sir,” she turned, hiding her face of disgust, the disgust for what his father does to him. “I shall be taking my leave now. Please do not try to move, you still have some healing to do. You lost a lot of blood.” Lydia left the room and that’s when Eris saw the note on the desk next to his bed.

Whenever you awake, come to my office.

It was in his father’s handwriting. He prayed for the day Beron died. The day he would become High Lord. Lydia told him not to move but it was best not to keep his father waiting. Eris shifted, lifting himself up with his right arm and pushing himself off his bed. He went to his closet, finding a tunic and some pants to put on, hissing at the sting of his shirt on his burns.

Eris departed his room and made his way to his father’s office. Two lefts, three rights, down a corridor, another left, and his father’s office was the only door on the right. Eris could find his way there in his sleep. He knocked twice, waiting for an answer.

“Come in,” his father sounded angry. This wasn’t good. Eris opened the door and walked in. “Shut the door and sit down.”

“What’s wrong? What happened?” Maybe it was because they shared blood or magic but Eris knew something was wrong.

“Keir was here earlier,” he paused as if to build suspense, he did always have a flair for the dramatic.

“And?”

“Your darling Morrigan went and lost her virginity to an Illyrian so she wouldn’t have to marry you.” Beron let out a laugh, “who knew you were so undesirable.”

Something inside of Eris broke. It was his heart. Not because she lost her maidenhead to someone else, but out of fear for what his father will do to her. “I don’t believe you.” He told Mor not to do anything stupid. He told her to just wait.

“You don’t have to believe me. She’s waiting for you in the woods. Beron left her there. But who knows if she’s still alive, it’s been a couple of hours.” Eris stopped thinking. What did he mean, who knows if she’s still alive?

He jumped out of his seat and started sprinting. He was faster than a deer running from a predator with his Fae speed. He ran through the gigantic house, one right, three lefts, four rights and down a corridor until he got to the entrance and threw open the doors. He was screaming for her, “Mor! Mor! Can you hear me!” Eris was running for the woods, praying he wasn’t too late. Praying he still had a chance to see her again. In the tree line a hundred years away, he saw something move. And he smelt blood.

Eris was sprinting faster than the speed of lightning when he came upon her. There, lying half-covered in leaves and mud, was his mate… naked. Her beautiful, porcelain skin, all cut up. Her eyes black and her lips bloody. Keir had beaten her half to death and there on her stomach was a note, nailed into her.

She’s your problem now.

Eris thought he was going to be sick. He knelt down and brushed the hair from her eyes, taking off his cloak to wrap around her. “Mor, you’re going to be okay. Do you hear me? You’re going to be okay.” He needed to get her to a nurse but didn’t know how to move her without causing her to lose more blood. Her eyes fluttered open to meet his.

Mor’s voice was raw, “Eris,” she paused and a tear slipped down her cheek. He could feel her pain through the bond, he knew she was on death’s doorstep. But that wasn’t why she was crying. He knew what she was about to do, a tear fell from his eye in realization.

“Don’t say it Mor. Pl-please don’t say it.” Eris was crying now. “I can make this right, I promise.” He was holding her in his arms, praying someone would come find them. Mor let out a sob, tears mixing with the blood on her face, and started to speak.

“I reject you. I reject the bond.” Eris felt a snap inside of him. This couldn’t be happening, he couldn’t lose her.

“Mor please. You know I can’t help you if you say it, the laws forbid it. I need to help you. Please let me help you.” He was begging her. He had never begged for anyone else. Only her. He would only ever love her. Want her.

She took in a deep breath, “I reject you. I reject the bond.” Eris felt another string deep inside of him snap and when he looked at her, he could tell she felt it too. When she rejected the mating bond, they would still faintly be able to feel each other, males can feel it more than females, but there would be an emptiness inside both of them that no one else could ever fill. Eris didn’t want that.

Eris was whispering now, his eyes blurred from the tears he was shedding, “Mor. Please.” He knew it was pointless begging, Mor was as stubborn as they come. That’s why he loved her so much.

Mor, still staring into his eyes, let another tear slip. She lifted up her hand to touch his face, a farewell, he thought, before saying, “Eris Vanserra,” she paused, closing her eyes, “I reject you. I reject the bond.” The cord linking them together finally snapped. They both felt it. Felt the pain and emptiness inside of them now. Eris wept, gently retracting his hands from around her, and laid her back down onto the cold, hard ground.

Eris could sense his someone coming but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything anymore. Not when there was a Morrigan-sized hole in his chest that used to be filled with laughter and beauty. Not when he lost the only thing that ever kept him from falling apart, hope.

He slowly stood, still not taking his eyes off of Mor. His brothers, he assumed, were behind him now.

“What do you want us to do with her,” Eris couldn’t tell who was speaking, he couldn’t comprehend anything. He spoke softly, afraid of hearing his voice crack.

“We have to leave her.” Another tear slipped from Eris’ eye. He stood still for another moment, hoping she would say something. She just laid there staring at him, silently begging him to leave. He could hear her heartbeat slowing, his heart breaking with it, as he turned to walk away.

Eris made his way across the 300 yards of grass leading to the house. Once inside, he headed to the closest chair available in the foyer, his brother’s trailing behind him. One of them poured a drink and handed it to him. “Don’t beat yourself up brother. It’s not your fault she whored herself to an Illyrian brute.” Eris’ brother’s laughed and he slowly turned his head.

“What did you just say?” Fire was crackling inside of him. He still didn’t know who he was talking to, all he could see was red.

“I said she’s a whore who went and fucked Cassian of all males. That’s low, even for a whore like her.” Eris exploded. One minute he was sitting and the next he was on top of his brother, beating him bloody. His fire magic was building up inside of him, about to be unleashed, looking for somewhere to strike. The male underneath him was trying to fight back but Eris had the element of surprise. His brother’s nose was broken and his face was so bloodied up, no one could tell who it was. Eris didn’t stop until he felt hands on his arms pulling him off.

Eris looked around the room, questioning what to do, but there was only one thought that came to mind. Eris didn’t think twice before he ran to the doors and back outside to get Mor.

Screw the laws, he thought. He couldn’t leave her out there. He couldn’t leave the female he had been chasing for years to die. She might not be his mate anymore but he still loved her. He loved her laugh and the golden-brown of her eyes. The color of her hair that somehow, exactly took the shade of sunlight. Her sarcasm and the way she never took no for an answer.

He ran the 300 yards in seconds, racing to the treeline where she had been lying, praying to the gods that her heart remained beating long enough for him to save her. He slowed to a stop looking for the female that made him a better male.

She was gone, leaving only a pile of blood in her wake and another scent he knew all too well. The scent of another male. The scent of the Shadowsinger.

Eris’ heart dropped and his soul came undone. He dropped to his knees and wept the last tears he would cry in five-hundred and nineteen years. He wept for hours, his magic building up in his veins until he was at a peak. His power unleashed from inside of him, incinerating everything within 100 yards of him. He burned and burned and burned, until nothing remained on the earth around him except ash. He reached the bottom of his magic and collapsed into what used to be Mor’s dried blood. It was there that he made vows to himself, the vows he would keep for the rest of his immortal life.

I will never open my heart again.

I will never show mercy again.

I will never hope again.

I will never love again.

#acotar #acosf #morrigan #eris vanserra #eris and mor #cassian #rhysand #night court #autumn court #author #sarah j maas

24 notes · View notes

gingyboo · 4 years ago

Text

Mirror Mirror

A/N: Again many thanks to @booglebug

Description- Soulmates existed. People knew that much. Soulmates were rare, a handful in each generation, an unexplainable phenomenon that formed a bond closer than blood and more sacred than marriage.

Bucky finds his soulmate when he needs her most. Little does he know how much she needs him too.

(Soulmate au that slots pretty much in to the MCU but with soulmates. Set after TFATWS.)

Pairing- Bucky Barnes x OFC

Warnings- Mentions of violence and guns, but its mostly fluff, drama and angst.

This is a multi chaptered fic.

Please like, comment, reblog!

prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8

Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 13

---------------------------------------------------

Chapter 13

Shuri agreed to keep the prison safe whilst Sam, Bucky and Nancy headed for the raft. The US Marshalls could hardly say no to Captain America although they weren’t very happy about a British civilian going along as well. Torres had been sent back to America, no more unsanctioned missions for him. Shuri lent them a jet and a pilot. Before the left the princess had pulled Nancy to one side.

“I know he is your cousin, but he is a bad man. You should know it is only because of his excellent service and separation from your mother that has kept the Wakandan people happy for your father to remain here. You cannot trust this man.”

“Believe me I know, I know what he did to your father. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you, it’s something my family has tried very hard to forget.” Nancy responded. Shuri had nodded to her in understanding, pressing a wrapped bundle of cloth into her arms.

“For the Red Wolf.” She said simply.

Her father had tears in his eyes as he said goodbye, “You find him, you bring back to me.” She had promised to, there was no point hiding her intentions anymore, they had a lead, nothing was going to stand in the way of finding her brother.

On board the plane Nancy sat with Shuri’s package cradled on her lap. Bucky sat beside her, tracing patterns lazily on the back of her hand. Sam sat on the other side of the jet, he kept watching Nancy out of the corner of his eye. Sam hadn’t said much to her since her revelation. Not that there’d been much time for chatting but still there was a chill in his presence that wasn’t there before.

“Stop staring Samuel.” Bucky snapped after a while and Sam’s eyes jumped up to meet his. Bucky’s eyebrows were raised, daring him to say something.

“I don’t like this James.”

“I didn’t choose to be related to him,”

“You didn’t tell us, how do we know we can trust you?” He appeared genuinely hurt by her omission. Nancy thought for a few moments.

“I just want to find my brother, you don’t have to trust me, but can you at least believe that.” Sam looked away from her then, silent acceptance.

“I’ll talk to him.” Bucky whispered kissing her temple.

“I don’t think anyone’s ever had my back so much before.” Nancy remarked

“It’s you and me doll, we stand together.” He winked at her, and Nancy felt warmth spreading through her as she beamed uncontrollably back at him. “You gonna show me what’s in there?” Bucky asked gesturing to the bundle. Nancy looked at it carefully. She’d mention it as a throw away comment, a joke during training, she didn’t think Shuri would actually come through with it. She peeled back the layers of cloth to reveal the garment beneath. Black and deep red panelling made up the trousers, top and jacket. Red gloves and boots were tucked into the bottom of the bundle as well as a brief note.

“Flame retardant, knife resistant and a lightweight breathable material. Or so Shuri says, I’m amazed she got it made so fast.” Nancy said, running her fingers over her suit. The belt boasted two knife holsters and a pouch of metallic ball bearings. After Nancy insisted on not carrying a gun Shuri had got creative, when activated by the device built into the sleeve, the balls would give off an electrical charge. Not enough to kill, but enough to knock someone down. An extra two knives were stowed away in the jacket’s lining and the backs of the gloves had reinforced panels of vibranium.

“I like it.” Bucky said once she’d got back from the tiny cubicle the jet called a toilet, now clad in the ensemble.

“Fits like a glove,” she smithed the material out before a brief jolt of turbulence knocked her back into her seat. Bucky’s arms reached out instinctively to catch her, but she caught herself, sliding back into the seat gently. Turbulence seemed to increase as they neared the raft. Nancy became more agitated which didn’t go unnoticed by her companions. For the first time she had to accept what her brother working with Helmut could mean. Did their views align? If so why had he taken the serum? Had he betrayed his country? Her brother who swore to fight for queen and country. The main question burned through them all though, where was he?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They reached the raft as were led through many security gates to a round room of cells. Zemo stood behind glass, he stared passively as the trio entered the room. No hint of surprise at the presence of Nancy.

“I wondered when I’d be graced with your presence dearest cousin. Family really is everything, wouldn’t you agree?”

“You’re nothing to me.” Nancy responded with narrowed eyes as she stalked round the edge of the room, each step bringing her closer to the glass.

“Don’t think I don’t know why you are here little one.” He smiled at her beckoning her towards him. She complied, briefly looking back to nod at Bucky first.

“Where is Kit?” She asked, staring him down.

“All in good time. I see you found him, I did used to wonder if you ever would.” Bucky made to move forward but Nancy waved him back.

“You knew?” She looked calm, inside she was screaming at him.

“You think your parents didn’t know, you think your mother wouldn’t have talked to mine. My parents were soulmates, your mother wanted to be certain. I heard things, not till later did I find out the metal armed man was him, I mean how many men like him are there.” He wagged his eyebrows in Bucky’s direction.

“Only one.” Nancy’s face turned to marble, she let the music rise up, calming her. “Tell me about Kit, we know he isn’t dead, we know you were working together, we know he took the serum. Where is he?”

“Is that all you want to know, don’t you want to know why? What if your precious brother doesn’t deserve to be found?”

“You want to tell me a story Helmut? Tell me a story, but it better end with where he is, or so help me god.”

“Your soldier won’t kill me, it’s not who he is anymore.” He smiled. Nancy Brought her face up to meet his against the glass.

“But I will.” She said it with a confidence she didn’t possess.

“Christopher worked for me, I knew about the British programme, I knew he’d be an ideal candidate, so I approached him, he wasn’t hard to convince, his weakness was glaringly obvious.”

“What weakness?” Nancy hated to ask.

“You my dear. His precious baby sister who he wanted to protect from the world. Little did he know the one he needed to protect you from was waiting in a mirror. Telling him that got him on side pretty quick. Who would want a monster dating their little sister?” Anger began to boil up inside Nancy’s head, drowning out her music.

“You Bastard!”

“Now come on, language, you were raised better than that.” he scolded with a frown before continuing “So, I told him, to protect you from the infamous winter solider he’d need to level the playing field. Then it was a simple task of tracking him to the classified location and shutting the place down. Him taking the serum was an unfortunate side effect, I underestimated their progress, but I’ve set the programme back many years now.”

“So, Kit didn’t betray them?”

“Well, no technically not, my people had him removed, sadly he escaped my custody, and by that point I had bigger fish to fry.” he nodded at Sam and Bucky. “I made my peace with that. He knows you’re looking for him though, sent me a letter some weeks ago, instructions on where you could find him.”

“What instructions were they?” she demanded, her fingers lightly grazed the blade at her waist.

“I’ll tell you, if you promise me a favour in return.” He whispered to her. There was a rush of movement and Bucky was behind her, gun drawn, pointing it at the glass. Sam stood behind him, hand on his shoulder, as if to hold him back.

“No!” Nancy whipped round, brandishing her blade at Bucky her eyes pleading for him to back down, one wrong move and Kit could be lost to her.

“You can’t trust him.”

“He’s the only chance.” She insisted. Bucky smiled sadly.

“You won’t hurt me doll.”

“No, I won’t.” She realised, she turned the knife in her hand before bringing it to her throat. “And you won’t hurt me.” Bucky dropped the gun instantaneously. His face filled with pain and Nancy lowered the blade, her own face painted with regret.

“Alright calm down.” Sam said standing between the two of them, Zemo had moved to sit on the edge of his bunk.

“Really very touching.” He looked at the three of them.

“What’s the favour?” She spat back at him. Something softened behind his eyes as he looked at her. He took a deep breath.

“Lay some flowers for me, at the memorial, In Sokovia.” Nancy, taken aback, nodded slowly. “Does the name Thomas Gregory mean anything to you?” His eyes darted to the cameras above them and then back again. Understanding Nancy nodded.

“Yes,”

“That’ll be a place to start.” He picked a book off his pillow waving it at her. She saw the title, Moby Dick. “You know, some people think the ending is the best part, I tend to prefer beginnings.”

Sam and Bucky both looked confused, but Nancy understood.

“Thank you, Helmut, I won’t forget this.” She turned her back and made to walk back to the door.

“Nancy,” he called out to her. She turned her head quickly. “White roses were her favourite, she might not have been my soulmate, but at the same time she was.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They received many odd looks from the raft’s personnel as they made their way back to the jet. Bucky seemed to be constantly staring at her and for the first time she felt discomfort under his gaze.

“Buck…” was all she managed to get out once they were seated once more in the plane, before Sam started asking questions.

“Who is Thomas Gregory?” he started.

“He’s no one, it was a code, one he knew only I would be able to decipher. He wants it to be me that finds him. If Helmut knows where he is, he doesn’t want those watching him to know that. Which means Duncan Everett is the only one trying to find him.”

“Do you know where he is?”

“I’ve got an idea. Thomas Gregory was a friend of his, the first boy I ever thought I loved actually,” Nancy noticed Bucky tense up by her side, but she ignored it. “Kit knew I’d remember him. Really a cruel joke. They had been friends for ages, but his family was actually from Cornwall originally.”

“Prefers the beginning.” Bucky muttered, Nancy nodded up at him with a grateful smile. He, at least, was following.

“Moby Dick was a clue too I think. Kit loved the sea, he read that book for school once, he was obsessed with it. He’s got to be working the coast.” She pieced it together in her mind. He knew how to crew the greatest naval vessels, it makes sense for his cover to be working on the boats.

“In Cornwall.” Sam clarified.

“yes, I believe so.”

“Then we’ll head there, we’ll find him.” Bucky said, looking to Sam for any hint of protest.

“We’ve come this far.” Sam decided, rising up to let their pilot know the new course. he looked back briefly at Bucky who nodded. Then it was just Nancy and Bucky sat side by side, yet miles apart.

#bucky barnes #winter solider #sam wilson #captain america #mcu #mcu fic #soulmate #zemo

7 notes · View notes

hvitserkmarcosource · 5 years ago

Text

The Arrangement

Chapter Six: Little Bird

Warnings: None (Warnings will be updated with each chapter, so make sure you read them!)

Chapter Six Summary: Hvitserk is well enough to leave the Healer. Ivar wakes you from a peaceful dream.

Word Count: 2,306

A much lighter chapter! Contains Hvitserk fluff 😍 the best kind of fluff! Thank you all for your comments, likes, and reblogs 🥰 I hope you enjoy Chapter six!

Chapte Five

Chapter Seven - Coming Soon

................................................

He holds you, like the two of you are the last people on this earth. Like he needs you to breathe. And you let him, because right now you feel the same way. He keeps talking, mumbling words into your hair as he holds you. And if he’d let you, you would pull away to hear him properly, but he doesn’t. He just keeps mumbling and rocking you back and forth.

The two of you stay like that for a while, until you both have calmed down and the world slows. You pull away from him then and smile. “Are you okay?”

He nods “What did you do? How did you get Ivar to release me?”

You shake your head, still not wanting to tell him. “It was nothing, everything will be okay now.”

Hvitserk gives you a look then, a look that says ‘this isn’t over’ until that time comes you will ignore it. Not wanting anything to spoil this moment. “When can you leave?” You ask, trying to change the subject.

An elderly woman enters the room and answers the question for you. “The Prince can leave when he wishes, I can do no more for him. His body has to heal on its own now.” She must be the Healer.

Before she leaves you stop her “Can I speak to you for a second, please?” You turn to Hvitserk and whisper “I will be back, shortly.”

The Healer brings you into an empty room and smiles at you, it’s a sad smile, like she can feel what happened to you. Her fragile hands grip your shoulders and she looks at your head “That’s a bad wound Princess, let me clean you up.”

She sits you down next to a barrel of fresh water and soaks a cloth into it. Gently she rubs at your forehead “Is it not just a bruise?” You ask

“It will be, but right now there is a cut and you are bleeding… May I ask how you hurt yourself?”

“No, you may not.” You were harsh but you have to protect yourself, you have to protect Hvitserk. He can’t take anymore beatings. “I am sorry. It has been a long couple of days. I did not mean to be so abrasive.”

She hums in response and continues to clean and bandage your wound. “And what about the bruising on your neck Princess? Shall I not ask about those too?”

You furrow your brows and say “M-my neck?”

“Aye, you look like you’ve been mauled by a bear.”

A laugh escapes you. You are not sure why, none of this is funny, it was just too real not to laugh. “In a way I was” you say “Is there any way to help the bruises go away?”

Just as she’s about to speak you hear Hvitserk calling for you. “Prince Hvitserk is very fond of you.” The Healer states “He kept saying your name when they brought him in. He was asking for you all night, wanting to make sure that you were okay.” She lets out a puff of air that you take for a laugh, and continues “He kept jumping out of bed, trying to make his way to the castle. Prince Ubbe had to restrain him until he calmed down and realized he would see you today.”

“Prince Ubbe? There is another son of Ragnar here?” She nods her head towards Hvitserk’s room and says “He’s the one who escorted you here, dear.”

Good to know that not all of the Lothbrok sons are as evil and malicious as Ivar. Perhaps Ubbe can be another kind person you can talk to. “Hvitserk did not have time to introduce me to all of his brothers.” You explain “I-Is King Ivar umm how should I put this-“

“Cruel and mad. Yes Princess he is always those things. But he is a God so we tolerate it. The people either worship him, fear him, or hate him.”

A whimper leaves your lips as you stand to leave. The pain in between your legs still tormenting you. “Thank you for being honest with me. I will not speak of what you have just said. And thank you for taking care of Hvitserk… I know I’ve just arrived but I feel connected to him, you must think I’m silly,”

A quick smirk graces her wrinkly face and she whispers “I believe the Gods sent you to him, he needs someone to love, always has. And after that poor girl was burned for treason,” she sighs “The Prince’s heart was broken. I have faith that you will mend it.”

Another shout of your name echoes in the next room and you jump when the man from before opens the door “He’s asking for you” the man- Ubbe says. “Please come in here before I kill him.”

You giggle at the empty threat and walk into the room, turning to the healer before Ubbe shuts the door “Thank you, for everything.”

“You are welcome Princess.”

The next hour is spent with you desperately trying to avoid Hvitserk’s questions and Ubbe failing miserably to not look frustrated with the both of you. You just can’t tell him yet, you can’t tell him how you betrayed your home and sold out your own father. You can’t tell him that his brother is planning a war as you speak. You can’t tell him how pathetic you’ve been. You can’t.

“Everything I love has always had a tendency to be taken away from me.” Hvitserk says, looking into your eyes so intently you think he can see into your soul “Before we wed, you will tell me what happened.”

Closing your eyes you bow your head “I will tell you, I never planned to keep this from you forever” you say softly “I only wanted to spend time with you before I make you hate me.”

He groans and shuffles in his bed “Why would I hate you?”

You sniffle back a sob and shake your head. Still not wanting to tell him. “Because no Princess should do what I have just done.”

Someone in the room clears their throat, making you jump, and move off of Hvitserk to see who it was. To your worst fear it is Ivar, smiling once again as he stares at you. You’re beginning to hate seeing him smile. He walks over to the two of you and puts a hand on your shoulder, to which you shake it off and move as far away from him as you can without actually leaving.

The King turns his attention to his brother and sits on his bed “You look well brother” he says

Hvitserk snarls “No thank to you Ivar”

He laughs “That is all in the past! I love you, you know I do. I only did what I did to make an example for the people of Kattegat. They need to know what will happen to them if they ever treat me as you did.”

“You were going to kill me to keep your people in line!?” He yells

“I would never kill you dear brother” Ivar says and looks at you once more. “I was only waiting for this one to give me the information I needed.”

Your heart does a flip inside of your chest. Ivar was playing you this entire time. He was never going to let Hvitserk die. He knew you would eventually betray your family. “You- yo-u bastar-“

Ivar stands and pushes you into a corner “Careful Princess, be very careful how you speak to me.” He backs away from you and takes his place back on Hvitserk’s bed “She is a feisty one brother, she made demands, screamed at me, argued even… Once you are healed be sure to remind her of her place, hmm? She is not Queen and she is barely a Princess.”

Ivar then points at you and says “You are lucky you are not my wife, very lucky.”

................................................

You are in a field of wildflowers, the stems bend lazily in the wind and you marvel at all of the vibrant colors. Each one is distinct and though different from the others, still perfect. You run your hand along the petals and look up to feel the warm light of the mid summer day. A sense of calm consumes you as you take a deep breath, the air smelling crisp and refreshing. Birds take flight in an almost cloudless sky. You start walking, trying to follow. The field seems to go on forever, leading you down a stone covered path and after a while of walking you see a white bird sitting on a fence post.

The closer you get you see that the white bird is a raven. And she’s beautiful. You feel drawn to her, like a force unbeknownst to you is pulling you towards the rare creature. When you reach her you hold out your hand, for some reason the raven isn’t afraid, and she nuzzles your palm. “Hello” you say quietly. She coos almost like a child.

And then you hear a noise that startles you… a cry. It doesn’t sound distraught, it sounds innocent and pure. Like it doesn’t belong in this cruel world. A strong feeling washes over you, a feeling you haven’t felt in a long time. Love. You look down at the raven but instead catch a glimpse of your swollen belly.

This is the most joyful you’ve felt in years. And it only intensifies when a strong pair of hands wrap around you and rub your belly gently. “How are you feeling today my love?” It is Hvitserk’s voice

“I am well, we are well”

You feel him kiss the back of your head and then he shakes you “Wake up Princess… Wake up!”

Gasping and clutching the blanket to your chest, you wake up startled, and confused. The room is dark but you can see Hvitserk and he doesn’t look happy. “Wake up there is someone coming” he whispers. It has been a week since Hvitserk has left the Healer and all has been quiet in Kattegat. Ivar has left you alone and Hvitserk has been spending a lot of time teaching you about their Gods.

He reaches over to the bedside table and grabs a dagger, a bright red jewel shines on the hilt. “This was supposed to be a gift,” He says handing the dagger to you “I know how much you love your red cloak so I had them add a ruby to the hilt to match.” You smile

“It is beautiful, thank you Hvitserk.” He leans in and places a kiss on your forehead

“You do know how to use it, right?”

You nod “Yes, pointy end stabs.”

He laughs at your small attempt at a joke. “Very good Princess”

The door to your chambers open with a clash, and you hold your dagger tighter. In the dark you can’t see anyone but you can hear them. Crawling?

“Ivar, what do you want?” Hvitserk groans and takes the dagger from you. “Couldn’t it wait until morning?”

Ivar gets up onto Hvitserk’s side of the bed and says “No, this could not wait. I had a vision”

Hvitserk looks at you out of the corner of his eye, like he is worried “A vision? Like father used to have?”

“Exactly, Odin has told me that you need to go to England. I want you to leave at first light, and while you are there you will meet her father and gain his trust-“

You sit up, ready to protest but Hvitserk’s arm reaches across your body and holds you down. “What if I don’t want to go, Ivar? I have a wedding soon and have certain duties here that have to be attended to. Have Ubbe go.”

”Let me worry about Kattegat dear brother, I will handle everything here. I am it’s King, am I not?”

Hvitserk nods but still doesn’t give up “Yes of course, however I don’t want to leave her alone.” You rest your hand on his arm that is caging you in and smile at him. He is starting to care for you more and more.

“The Princess will be fine, if you go” Ivar says, a hint of threat lacing his voice

Hvitserk grabs the dagger again and holds it up to Ivars throat digging it into his flesh enough to bleed. “Is that a threat Ivar?”

The king chuckles, amused by this entire situation. “Either you go, or I might just be occupied when a group of my men find her in the meadow alone… and so beautiful.” Hvitserk let’s Ivar push the blade away from his throat and Ivar says “Besides, this is the wish of Odin. You can not say no to Him Hvitserk.”

With a thud, Ivar gets back onto the floor and crawls out of the room. Leaving the two of you alone. Hvitserk’s arm lets you go and you immediately sit up “Isn’t there another way? Do you have to leave… and so soon?”

He takes your fidgeting hand in his and laces your fingers together “How fast can you get a letter to your father?”

You can see ideas sparking in his mind “If I write it now, probably a little after morning. Why?”

Hvitserk gets out of bed and hands you a piece of parchment and an ink quill. “Tell your father of my plans to visit. Tell him how you miss him and would request that he demands you come along.”

A rush of excitement soars through you as you write the letter. Your perfect handwriting suffers for it. “I'm going back to England” you say happily.

Hvitserk takes the note from your hands and places it in his coat pocket “Yes you are.”

Tag List: @alexhogh7137 @ivarthebloodyking @sfyri @curlyhairedhoseok @mavalenovaninagavi @lol-haha-joke @joebob15274 @itsharleyalb @mrsworldwide15

126 notes · View notes

arpmemething2 · 5 years ago

Text

Sherlock starter sentences

Send one for my muse’s reaction

"I wrote my own version of the Nativity when I was a child, "The Hungry Donkey". It was a bit gory, but if you're going to put a baby in a manger you're asking for trouble."

"I was just playing the game."

"I can't make bricks without clay."

"I play the violin when I'm thinking and sometime I don't talk for days on end. Would that bother you?"

"You were thinking. It's annoying."

"Oh, hell! What does that matter? So we go round the Sun! If we went round the Moon, or round and round the garden like a teddy bear, it wouldn’t make any difference."

"Not important? It's primary school stuff! How can you not know that?"

"I'm not a hero, I'm a high-functioning sociopath! Merry Christmas!"

"What's the point in being clever if you can't prove it?"

"And exactly how many times did he fall out the window?"

"There was once a merchant in the famous market at Baghdad. One day he saw a stranger looking at him in surprise and he knew that the stranger was Death. Pale and trembling, the merchant fled the marketplace and made his way many, many miles to the city of Samarra, for there he was sure Death could not find him. But when at last he came to Samarra, the merchant saw, waiting for him, the grim figure of Death. “Very well,” said the merchant. “I give in. I am yours. But tell me, why did you look surprised when you saw me this morning in Baghdad?”, “Because,” said Death, “I had an appointment with you tonight – in Samarra.”"

"And we're having quite a lot of sex."

"You are a living, breathing man. You've lived a life; you have a past."

"Look at them. They all care so much. Do you ever wonder if there's something wrong with us?"

"I've always been able to keep myself distant. Divorce myself from feelings. But you see, body's betraying me. Interesting, yes? Emotions... grit on the lens, the fly in the ointment."

"Look, this is a six. There's no point in my leaving the flat for anything less than a seven, we agreed. Now go back, show me the grass."

"What a couple of lightweights! You couldn’t even make it to closing time!"

"She provides, shall we say, "recreational scolding" to those who enjoy that sort of thing and are prepared to pay for it."

"Sex doesn't alarm me."

"No idea why people think you’re incapable of human emotion."

"Careful! Some of those skulls are over two hundred thousand years old! Have a bit of respect!"

"You ripping my clothes off in a darkened swimming pool. People might talk."

"Down girl."

"Don't talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the whole street."

"That's not what people normally say."

"Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically?"

"I've got a better question: is everyone I've ever met a psychopath?"

"Kill you? Um, no. Don't be obvious. I mean, I'm gonna kill you anyway, someday. I don't want to rush it, though. I'm saving it up for something special. No no no no no, if you don't stop prying... I'll burn you. I will burn... the heart out of you."

"No, I just said that in one of your stories."

"You think he lost a lot of money? Suicide is common among city boys."

"He will outlive God trying to have the last word."

"Listen, what I said before, I meant it. I don't have friends; I've just got one."

"I'm not dead. Let's have dinner."

"So he'll have to make a speech in front of people. There will be actual people there actually listening."

"Don't make people into heroes. Heroes don't exist, and if they did, I wouldn't be one of them."

"Stop talking, it makes me aware of your existence."

"This is my game face. And the game is on."

"Oh, I may be on the side of the angels... but don't think for one second that I am one of them."

"We solve crimes. I blog about it, and he forgets his pants. I wouldn't hold out too much hope."

“Do you always carry handcuffs?”

"When I say run … run!"

"He’s planned something, something long-term. Something that would take effect if he never made it off that rooftop alive. Posthumous revenge. No, better than that – posthumous game."

"Intuitions are not to be ignored. They represent data processed too fast for the conscious mind to comprehend."

"You can't arrest a jellyfish."

"Brainy is the new sexy."

"Taking your own life. Interesting expression - taking it from who? Once it's over, it's not you who'll miss it. Your own death is something that happens to everybody else. Your life is not your own. Keep your hands off it."

"Oh, I'm sure something will turn up. A nice murder. That'll cheer you up."

"So what if there are right? They are always right, it's boring."

"We all have a past. Ghosts. They are the shadows that define our every sunny day."

"Is it nice not being me? It must be so relaxing."

"Once the idea exists, it cannot be killed."

"It's not a pleasant thought. I have this terrible feeling from time to time that we might all just be human."

"Friends protect people."

I'm not implying anything. I'm sure she came round for a nice little chat, and just happened to stay over. And I assume she scrubbed your floors, going by the state of her knees."

"The universe is rarely so lazy."

"Everybody dies. It’s the one thing human beings can be relied upon to do."

"I gave you my number. I thought you might call"

"Really hope you don't have a baby in here."

"How did he recognize her from.. not her face?"

"I'm suddenly realizing I probably owe you some sort of an apology."

"I always hear "punch me in the face" when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext."

"People don’t really go to heaven when they die. They’re taken to a special room and burned."

"We've got a serial killer on our hands. Love those, there's always something to look forward to."

"Dear God. What is it like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring."

"Fear is wisdom in the face of danger. It is nothing to be ashamed of."

"To a great mind, nothing is little."

"I was thinking more about our imminent and daring escape."

"Fine. We'll start with the riding crop."

"Pass me your revolver. I have a sudden need to use it."

"No, no, NO! Of course he's not the boy's father! Look at the turn-ups on his jeans!"

"Dear Lord, I have never been so impatient to be attacked by a murderous ghost...!"

"What I'm trying to say is that, if there's anything I can do, anything you need, anything at all, you can have me.…"

"Look at those cheekbones. I could cut myself slapping that face. Would you like me to try?"

"I would have you right here on this desk until you begged for mercy, twice"

"Are you wearing any pants?"

"When he was dying, he was always cheerful. He was lovely. Except when he thought that no one could see. I saw him once. He looked sad."

"Does yours rub off too?"

"I'm in shock. Look, I've got a blanket!"

"Get out. I need to go to my mind palace."

"The world is woven from billions of lives, every strand crossing every other. What we call premonition is just movement of the web. If you could attenuate to every strand of quivering data, the future would be entirely calculable. As inevitable as mathematics."

"You should put that on a t-shirt."

"I'm soooo changeable. It is a weakness with me, but to be fair to myself, it is my only weakness."

"Every fairy tale needs a good old-fashioned villain. You need me or you're nothing — because we're just alike, you and I. Except you're boring. You're on the side of the angels."

"Just once, can you two behave like grown-ups?"

"Sentiment is a chemical defect found on the losing side."

"None of the cabs would take me."

"Also, your loss would break my heart."

"I can open any door, anywhere with a few tiny lines of computer code. No such thing as a private bank account now. All are mine. No such thing as secrecy. I OWN secrecy. Nuclear codes? I could blow up NATO in alphabetical order. In a world of locked rooms, the man with the key is king. And honey, you should see me in a crown."

"And you read my writing upside down. You see what I mean?"

"London. It’s like a great cesspool into which all kinds of criminals, agents and drifters are irresistibly drained. Sometimes it’s not a question of who, it’s a question of who knows."

"You've gone all croaky, you getting a cold?"

"All lives end. All hearts are broken. Caring is not an advantage"

"I hope you'll be very happy. You deserve it. After all, not all people you fall for can turn out to be sociopaths."

"Is that a British Army Browning L9A1 in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?"

"...Murder. Sorry, did I say murder? I meant to say marriage. But, you know, they're quite similar procedures when you think about it. The participants tend to know each other and it's over when one of them's dead."

"That's clever. Is it clever? Why is it clever?"

"Interesting thing a tuxedo. Lends distinction to friends and anonymity to waiters."

"If I wasn't everything you think I am, everything that I think I am... would you still want to help me?"

473 notes · View notes

anika-ann · 5 years ago

Text

Hands Too Cold, but Heart of Gold - Pt.2

The Partnership

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader, Matt Murdock x reader (no SR x MM x r)

Word count: 2250

Summary: Avenger!reader AU, love triangle. Daredevil is so-so warming up to the team... some of its members anyway. Steve is too busy being furious with you. Or is he?

Warnings: pissed off Steve, mentions of violence, swearing, fluff, mild angst…?

Story Masterlist

────── ·❆· ──────

If anyone was watching, they probably thought they were high and hallucinating. The quinjet basically landed on water, opening precisely for you to just leave the pier and enter the ramp lash entrance without faltering in your steps. You walked in, the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen on your tail, the tension in his shoulders obvious.

“Hi, Elsa. Looking as good as ever. DD, good to see you again,” Tony’s voice welcomed you, confirming your suspicion. Everyone was now here, probably. Wonderful.

“Mr. Stark,” Daredevil acknowledged him with a nod.

You, on the other hand, ignored the greeting. If he was starting with Elsa, you were not about to speak to him unless necessary, even when he told you that you looked good – hell, it had been like an hour since he had seen you. Jerk.

“Wow, look at you, kiddo. Good job. Daredevil, we haven’t met yet-“ Clint stood up from his seat, hand extended.

“Meaning you haven’t stalked me and tried to get me to join your team?”

Clint wasn’t surprised or concerned about the distance the masked man kept, withdrawing his hand easily. “Yep. Name’s Clint Barton.”

The Devil just nodded again, not giving up his own name. Shocker.

“Daredevil. Welcome on board. Hey, our new recruitment expert.” Tasha gave you a significant look saying ‘brace yourself’. You picked up on it immediately.

“Hey, Natasha. Is Steve mad?” you asked innocently despite knowing the answer for sure.

“Yes,” sounded from behind you quietly, a brief warning from the Devil, as the man in question appeared, his footsteps heavy and angry.

“You are in so much trouble, missy!”

You made a face. “Steve, do not call me ‘missy’. It’s the on the top of the bad words list, seriously, who the fuck taught you that?” you teased him lightly, the humour leaving you when you found yourself under his strict gaze. Not just strict; worried. Hurt. “I’m not sorry for turning it off. You weren’t exactly helping.”

“I appreciated it,” Daredevil supported you unexpectedly and you eyed him, fighting a smile, unable to resist the warmth of satisfaction in your chest.

“Yeah, well, the job is done. Congratulation. Now turn it on again, or so help me god, I’ll cuff you with powers-restrictors and you’re sitting this mission out,” Steve grumbled, spinning on his heels, returning to the cockpit without another word.

You blinked in surprise at the harshness, heavy guilt settling in your stomach. Surely it wasn’t such a big deal? No, there hadn’t even been a real danger; Steve wouldn’t be so pissed about something like this, not normally. Something was wrong.

You left Daredevil’s side, making your way after Steve.

“Leave him. He’s just a grumpy old man,” Tony hummed, drinking some energy drink through a straw.

You ignored him. This wasn’t grumpiness, this was anxiety. Steve was anxious about something and it wasn’t you turning off your comms.

You entered the cockpit, hearing Clint trying to socialize with the Devil while Natasha interjected with the plan so the Devil would be brought up to speed.

“I don’t want to talk to you right now, Anderson,” your captain growled, pretending to be perfectly focused on piloting a plane that could just easily run on autopilot. The tendons in his forearms were so tightened he could cut something with them.

You gulped. Anderson. The spy name you were given by S.H.I.E.L.D. after your real persona had to die. No one on team called you that. Ever.

Crap. This is bad.

You sat down next to him despite his protest.

“That’s too bad. Because-“

“I don’t care about apologies.”

You scoffed. “Good, ‘cause you’re not getting one.”

His statue-like posture shifted and his eyes turned to you for a fraction of a second before returning to staring ahead blankly, pretending to see what was in front of them. He didn’t say a word.

You bit your lip, covering his right hand with yours gently. His fingers twitched, but otherwise he didn’t react to your gesture. You ran your thumb over his knuckles.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on? And don’t try that bullshit about being angry because of me cutting you off. You knew it was a good move. Talk to me, Steve,” you whispered, observing his hard expression, wondering what he was hiding behind it. Steve had always been good at perceiving your emotions – and thanks to the way he had opened to you, it went both ways. But now, he was closing off and you hated it. “Please.”

Steve remained silent. It might seem he didn’t even listen to you, but you could tell he was struggling with something. Steve was… a sweetheart. A kick-ass serum-powered stubborn reckless sweetheart. He cared for people. He worried. And he thought the serum had not only made him the most famous American hero, but also transformed him into Atlas – he believed he needed to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders and protect everyone else. You knew that this was why your crush was pointless – he would always saw you as the newbie, as the little sister who needed protection and couldn’t bear the weight of what he was carrying – like for example right now.

“There’s something out of place,” he said quietly and you supressed the rush of joy into your abdomen at his honesty. And silenced the ‘you mean beside the fact the daughter of the Secretary of the Treasury was kidnapped from her private school together with three other girls, taken by a human trafficking ring?’, knowing now was not the time. The Secretary was out of his mind. This would be a STRIKE team mission, but he demanded Captain America and the Avengers. “Something just doesn’t feel right. Maybe paranoia is to getting me-”

The Secretary demanded the Avengers; for some reason, Steve didn’t think it was enough and wanted the Devil on it too; because he had a bad feeling about this. It all made sense now.

You squeezed his hand and he turned it up to catch your hand in his and reciprocate the gesture, not caring he let go of the controller – the plane was still on autopilot then. He really had been sitting here only for show. You mentally rolled your eyes.

“Well, you’re old enough for that, but I don’t think it’s paranoia, Steve.” His blue eyes met yours, allowing you to glimpse at the unsettling uneasiness inside of him. “You have good instincts and you have every right to trust them. I know I do.”

His posture slightly relaxed, the corners of his lips rising just inconspicuously. “Thank you.”

“I’ll keep the irresponsibility to minimum. Even smaller minimum than usual. I promise. I’ll be on the highest alert,” you reassured him softly, sensing his stiffness resolving completely. Oh dear god, this man worried for others so much. He needed something light in his life.

You squeezed his hand one more time, rising to your feet and patting his shoulder, determined to light up the mood by quoting him. “If they hurt me, I’ll hurt them back. And I’ll walk it off if they kill-“

“Don’t say it.”

His hand shoot up to your wrist, stopping you before you could finish and leave. You met his eyes once more, curling your fingers around his own wrist.

“I’ll be careful, Steve. I promise. Just try to do the same, okay?”

He smiled at the open display of care; it was nothing rare, yet, he would probably always find it precious. He was Captain America, he was meant to worry about others; you could understand why he was moved by someone else taking the role of the concerned friend.

“Go meet the Devil properly. You’re paired with him.”

You blinked in surprise, tilting your head to side. “Why me?”

“ ’Cause he seems to trust you enough to join the mission,” Steve stated, sounding as if it was obvious.

Oh. Okay, you could see his point.

“Are you saying the others don’t trust me then?” you demanded, pretending to be wounded. Maybe not completely pretending. You were the newbie after all, you would understand if they would be reluctant to do so even after the missions you had had together.

“Oh come on, Snowflake. You know we do.”

────── ·❆· ──────

You entered the larger space only to find Daredevil in the company of Clint and Tony. Tasha had probably run him through the basics of the mission and now was getting ready, while the guys were trying to interrogate the temporary addition to the team.

The Devil shot you a brief smile as you appeared and the other men noticed you too.

“But seriously. Is it Lucifer? Or is something like Raphael, like the archangel, and you’re trolling everyone?” Tony demanded and you snorted, the corners of Devil’s lips rising higher.

“No, Mr. Stark. It’s neither. Give up.”

You pated the billionaire’s shoulder. “You should suit up. We’re almost there. Plus I need to talk strategy with my partner.”

Clint grinned at Tony’s shocked expression. The man to be Iron Man gaped at Daredevil, pointing at him accusingly. “That’s not fair! Why do you get to be with the cool one?”

You rolled your eyes at the lame pun while Clint just snickered, getting up to prepare his gear.

“No, seriously. I bet I’m paired with the old man again.”

Daredevil shrugged. “Birds of feather flock together.”

You burst out laughing at the daring man who pointed out Tony’s age.

“Motherf-“

“Language!” you called out, your voice supported by three more, including one from the cockpit. Tony raised his chin, his hand imitating an offended diva gesture, which somehow activated his suit that started wrapping around him.

“Savages, all of you.” He turned his back to you and you approached the Devil, sitting next to him.

“That okay? You being paired with me?” you asked quietly.

“Of course. I get to be with the cool one. Can I ask what your abilities are exactly? Just to know-“

“Sure. Though you pretty much experienced it. I can create and manipulate ice, lower temperature of anything to almost absolute zero. It… can get nasty, but I’m trying to avoid that.”

“Understand. I don’t kill either.”

“I know.” He huffed out a laugh, less wry than you would expect from someone who just found out you had done a lot of reading on them. “You have a very good hearing and you kick ass. Anything else?”

He licked his lips, wavering. “Pretty much everything is amplified. Not just my hearing.”

Your eyes went wide in surprise. What? How— as in everything? Like his vision, sense of touch, sense of smell, taste too? “I’m not sure-“

“Would you like a demonstration?” You nodded without thinking. “Alright. Uhm… your heartbeat-�� just stopped, you wanted to say, because what the fuck- “is slower than average. You’re using a shampoo with… lilac, but there’s something I can’t really place. It’s adding to your aura, which is somehow colder – not because of the temperature, that’s normal, I guess maybe the device under your right ribs has something to with that – but… something cold, fresh.”

You felt your mouth fall open. Holy shit. He… how the hell did he perceive all that? Including the device that kept your body temperature in check?

He extended his hand and hovered over yours on your thigh. You wanted to ask what was he doing, but the answer came before you found the courage.

“Your hands, they are a bit colder and I can feel them… bursting with energy even when you’re not doing anything. It’s— I’m sorry. I’m scaring you. I didn’t want to-“

“It’s okay,” you blurted out, your voice unnaturally high and in stark contrast to his quiet and measured. He was scaring you a little, okay, but you had practically asked him. And you lived with a bunch of strange people, this shouldn’t freak you out, and it didn’t, it was just… “Surprising. But okay. Shocking, maybe. Fascinating. Terrible – how do you live like this? Knowing so much about people?”

You were glad he didn’t mention he could probably see every pore on your skin and- “Jesus, wait, you don’t have an x-ray vision too, do you?”

He chuckled, relaxing as he realized you weren’t scared or offended. “No. No, I don’t have an x-ray vision. And I promise I wouldn’t peek… without your permission.”

You let out incredulous laugh. Did he just… flirt with you?

“Good to know you’re a gentleman, Daredevil.”

“What do I call you?” he asked softly, tilting his head curiously. It was incredibly cute.

“Hm?”

“I know you heard me.”

You shrugged and settled with honesty and light joking. “Anything you want, I guess. Frostbite. Snow Queen. Really, there are number of options.”

“But not Snowflake,” he suspected, his voice falling even lower, sending your heart racing.

“No… uhm, I would rather if you didn’t call me that, yeah. It’s…”

“Too personal. I understand. Anderson?”

“Fake last name. Agent Anderson. What I became after I… died. You can go with that,” you offered, pushing down the unpleasant feeling it gave you.

“You don’t like it.”

“I don’t,” you confirmed with a shrug. Then you offered him to call you your first name, because that made the most sense really.

He just smiled, a boyish smile you wouldn’t expect on a face of man who beat up people in back alleys on regular basis. Then again, you really should know better by now, considering who you worked with.

“I’ll think about it.”

────── ·❆· ──────

Part 3

────── ·❆· ──────

Tags: @mermaidxatxheart @murdermornings @elisaa-shelby

────── ·❆· ──────

Thank you for reading! Tagging remanis the same; you want in or out, just lemme know. Kudos to you :-*

#marvel #mcu #fanfiction #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #captain america x reader #captain america fanfiction #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock imagine #daredevil fanfiction #avengers fanfiction #avengers #avenger reader #hands too cold but heart of gold #anika ann

139 notes · View notes

allyvampirelass29 · 4 years ago

Text

Goodnight, Chris McQueen

A NOS4A2 Review By: Allyssa J. Watkins

I love you, Brat I hope you know that....... My biggest fear was becoming my old man Drinkin', philanderin', livin' for nothin' I wanted so much more for my little girl But Babe, I'm just like him A haunted soldier That never came back from the war I tried so hard to make you laugh Just so you didn't see me cryin' Funny names, and stupid jokes I guess, don't band-aid the holes Punched through the walls and in Your mother's heart Jesus, maybe this dad thing Was a cosmic hoax right from the start I love you like a big dog I'd die twice just to give you a hug Before I go, I want you to know I'm proud of my kid I could never do what you did It's like you told your ma You're made of steel, Vic You threw the bottle away You sure as hell didn't need me But you let your broken down dad save the day I ain't half the hero to you though As you are to Wayne Give 'em HELL, Babe Fight the good fight Don't cry over me I won't die as I lived A good for nothin' It's gonna mean somethin' I gotta believe Don't stay here, Brat, trapped in my death scene Remember the good stuff, when they say "Goodnight, Chris McQueen."

In the words of the illustrious Linda McQueen........ "Holy HELL." It's been days, and I've been in a morose fog, only just now emerging, shaking and fighting the tears, even as I write this, half numb, and half agony. I'm shocked, dismayed, and altogether fragile. The second I saw that this episode was going to be called, "Chris McQueen," I couldn't have been more thrilled, and my heart soared, excited! Chris McQueen has SHINED this season, our own resident white knight, slaying Vic's demons, both of the vice, and supernatural variety. It was no mistake, or random shuffle of fate, that her magic bridge led her back to her dad. He's been a gun-wielding, bomb-making, godsend!!! He helped her quit drinking, heartbroken that his little girl had inherited his disastrous coping mechanisms, refusing to let it drown her the way it did him. He's fought at her side, let her lean on him, he's become her safe place. He's given her the best advice about fighting for Lou, choosing her family, and oh yeah, he SINGLEHANDEDLY took on Bing Partridge, not just once, but TWICE!!!

If NOS4A2 has a CHAMPION, a dark horse in the game, it's hands down Chris McQueen. If anyone is deserving of their own personal, entitled episode, it's the vindicated father who did the work, fought like HELL for his redemption, made himself a better person for his daughter. That rush of flooding joy, cooled to wary concern, and hesitant dread, however, when I realized....... This honour could be his final tribute.......

Don't kill Chris McQueen........ I pleaded over and over in my mind, the frantic cry, resounding, even as I pressed play. I hadn't been able to shake that sinister, creeping feeling all day, and when we opened onto Chris at a funeral, my relief flooded in, graciously thankful to see him alive!!! Wait, he looked younger, like WAY younger, even younger than the first season, and oh my god, hold on, whose funeral is this!? Someone died........ my stomach knotting again, trying to figure out who, and we realize that this is Chris, decades ago, speaking at his Dad's funeral.

I loved, and I mean LOVED this opener. It's just so beautifully real, and one hundred percent Chris McQueen, as he muses about his father's life, and his own, and how the two came to mirror each other. He's funny, irreverent, vulnerable, and by the end, absolutely heartbreaking. It's a searing portrait of a broken man, and everything that caused his life to fracture, every death, that made him wish he was never born.

"When I came back from the gulf, I finally understood why he was pissed off all the time, because he knew there was no reason for him to born, and that nobody was going to give a shit when he died."

Chris' voice cracks, and my eyes sting, because I feel it, his greatest fear, and I know he's not just talking about his father, he's talking about himself, effectually delivering his own eulogy, and again I implored the fates...... Don't kill Chris McQueen.

Aaaaaaaaah, and HELLO Baby Vic!!! Oh my gosh, she's so precious, about eight years old, frowning as her father speaks, huddled close to her mother, and then when Chris becomes too overwhelmed with his anger and emotions to go on, tearing out of the church, she frantically chases after him, calling for him!!! Even then, she was her daddy's girl!!! Once again, I must COMMEND NOS4A2 for choosing the perfect miniature of our badass leading lady, because this girl is the very IMAGE of Ashleigh, and it was such a joy to see her fierce features, and resolve, in a dear little face!!! More Baby Vic, PLEASE!!!

Flashforward to the present day, and Team McQueen is ready and raring to hit the road. I loved this entire scene. The love between her and Lou as she tells him goodbye, and says, "I'm going to go get our boy." An achingly beautiful moment, these two give me life, and have become my FAVOURITE couple on the show!!! I may have been purely Team Drew Butler, Season One, but now I can't imagine our beautiful badass without her Teddy Bear Man, and I ship McCarmody so freaking hard!!! Vic revs the Triumph's engine, testing it, gearing up with her Dad, and it hits me....... She doesn't have to hide it, sneak away to go do her Creative Hero thing, he accepts her for exactly who she is, believes in her gift enough to go with her. For the first time..... Vic McQueen isn't riding alone........

Linda is an absolute rollicking delight, emphatic in her protest, and I have just come to LOVE her so much!!! "I don't know about this Vicki, taking explosives across a magical bridge IN THE RAIN!!!!" God BLESS this woman, she's so maternal here, and I love it, I see how much she's changed, becoming this mother and ex wife even, that isn't afraid to express her feelings and doubts, no longer shackled by the fear that she's destined to be alone.

"You're my only kid, Vicki, My Baby."

"You know me, Ma, made of steel, remember?"

Awwwwww oh my gosh, so freaking CUTE, and for the first time, they feel like a real family, The McQueen Clan on a Mission, slaying psychotic kidnappers, and rescuing lost children, becoming the family business. Linda's still unsure, hurrying after Chris and Vic, still thinking they're both CRAZY, when she sees it for the first time....... Her eyes widen impossibly, as a rickety, wooden, covered bridge, appears on the street in front of them, and her reaction is EVERYTHING we've been waiting for, I found myself, leaping off the couch, cheering as she says it. "Holy HELL!!!"

Chris' childlike wonder, as he looks up into the dark eves, and watches the bats flutter, the Triumph roaring through the beams of breaking light, weaving in and out of shadow, is such a joy to behold. He believed in it, believed in her, even without seeing, and it means that much more to Vic, you can tell. It's also symbolic, Vic sharing her world with her father, bringing him into her inscape, fighting the good fight TOGETHER, both soldiers. I loved it, every second.

Surprise, surprise, when they roll up to the junkyard, Bing Partridge isn't dead, because some cockroaches just won't DIE!!!! Like an AVENGING ANGEL, Chris McQueen is all of us, flying off that bike, and assailing Bing with murderous fury, backhanding his stupid face with the gun, over and over, impaling him deeper with the protruding rod, and I swear, I wanted to run to him, and HUG him so tightly, so freaking PROUD!!!! THANK YOU, CHRIS MCQUEEN!!!

"Where is he, you SICK, Son of a BITCH!?!?"

"HE CAN'T HELP US IF HE'S DEAD!!!!!"

Vic screams at her father, angrily chastising this good and proper beating that has been a LONG time coming!!!! I'm sorry, isn't that how ANY sane person would react to a sadistic, murdering, rapist whose made their life a LIVING HELL!? What gives, Victoria!? Chris falls back, as confused as I was, and then shakes his head, as he apologizes vehemently, which Vic is having none of. She's AWFUL to her father from this moment forward, rude and spiteful, blaming him for everything, and as much as I love the girl, in this unjust punishment, she REALLY lives up to her nickname, Brat.

This Kids Glove approach to Bing Partridge is MADDENING enough to make me PSYCHOTIC!!! BING. IS. EVIL. Say it with me, NOS4A2!!!! It's like they are hellbent on redeeming the ONE character that is beyond saving, a man that even God, himself, would look at reviled, and say, "Get thee behind me, SATAN!!!" Last week they failed, first through the deus ex machina epiphany, and then through the attempted murder/suicide, so they tried even harder, using a meeker approach, making him say manipulative propaganda like, "I wish I'd never met Mr. Manx, because then Vic McQueen would still be my friend." and "I'm all alone in here, and it's really scary." Ughhhh somebody, anybody, put us out of our misery, and put one right between his beady little rat bastard eyes.

I almost understand Tabitha's need to keep things professional, and speak to Bing, in a reassuring way that reaches his simple, monosyllabic mind. I get that beating the living hell out of him like he so obviously deserves isn't an option for her, but this man is a HEINOUS criminal, who's kidnapped kids, drugged and raped their mothers, KILLED both of his parents, not to mention TORTURED Charlie within an inch of his life, only just last week!!!! But by ALL MEANS, Vic, go HOLD HANDS WITH HIM, and see if that will help get your son back!!!! Cringe.

I HATED this, so, so, SO much!!! Bing was her friend, he betrayed her, violated the trust between them, became her worst nightmare, shot at her, traumatized her, duct-taping her to a chair, she should HATE him, despise the sight of him far more than Charlie Manx!!! I CRAVED a reckoning, even if it was just a verbal assault. But no, instead, Vic decides to play nice, and I get that most of it was an act to convince him to help her get her son back, but I could also feel NOS4A2's misguided hand in her actions. Look, see, even Vic can find the good in Bing!!!! Sigh. Not gonna lie, I was going to scream bloody murder if she said she forgives him!!!

Good Cop pays off, however, and Bing, desperate for Vic's forgiveness, reveals there is one more stop before Christmasland, one last chance to grab Wayne, when he gets out of the Wraith at Sleigh House to hang his ornament. It's a dawning revelation, intel quintessential to their success, and for once they know where Charlie is going to be, before he gets there, and can lay a trap for him and his indestructible car. I hate the way they arrived at the information though, I'd have much preferred to see Bing suffer for his sins, and the whole interaction is just so laughably implausible. I will say this however, there was a rather BEAUTIFUL line in this scene that Bing couldn't begin to deserve, but I LOVED it all the same. "I miss the person I thought you were." My god, that's powerful.

"Chris McQueen," is a STELLAR episode, full of beautiful lines like this, including my FAVOURITE thing that Maggie has EVER said to Vic, which perfectly exemplifies their eccentric friendship!!! "I'd shank a thousand assholes for your mopey ass!!!" YES!!! I LOVE THAT SO MUCH!!! I will say though, that I was SHOCKED at how cool Vic was with Maggie's scary new trick of hurting herself to use her powers, sans seizures. I thought she was going to kick her butt for that!!! I'm really worried, Guys, this is a dangerous addiction, that's going to be the hardest one yet for Mags to quit!!! The break-up with Tabitha was bittersweet, but it did not come as a shock to me. They'd been drifting apart for awhile now, and I feel like Maggie was so scared of losing her, that she was afraid to be herself. "I want to live in the real world all the time." For me, that was the nail in the coffin, having only heard it about a thousand times myself. Maggie will always be living in two worlds, and whoever she's with MUST accept that. They love each other, yes, but they just want different things. I do respect Tabitha so much for not demanding that Maggie give up her tiles, threatening to leave her if she didn't. She'd rather let Maggie go be herself, be happy, than try to stifle her, shove her into that hateful, constricting little box called normal.

Vic continues to be petty, and spiteful towards her father, treating him WAY too harshly, punishing him, when he's done nothing but fight for her, a literal action HERO, avenging Wayne, and kicking ASS!!! It hurt my soul, and I could see the pain in his eyes, thinking he'd failed her, apologizing again, just wanting her forgiveness. The second scene at the McQueen house is a far less fuzzy one, as she forbids her father to come with her, placing all the blame of every bad thing that's happened thus far on his shoulders, and she cuts him with razor edged words, saying the worst thing that she could have possibly said in that moment, something truly unforgivable, that I already know she will spend the rest of her life, regretting.

"I lived eight years of my life without you, Dad, and I can just as easily do it again." She sneers, and even Linda stares, aghast. "Vicki, no, you don't mean that!!!"

I felt the pangs in my heart, stunned that she could be that vicious to her own father, after all he's done for her, getting sober, changing his whole life, hell, getting HER sober!!! Linda is again so adorable, insisting she take Chris with her, like "Vicki let your father play on your magical bridge, if he wants!!!" not wanting him to feel left out, and while I want more father/daughter explosive awesomeness, I'm conflicted whether or not he should go. If he stays here...... he's safe. Eventually Linda's persuasion wins out. "Don't let your anger towards your father, keep you from getting back Wayne." With a frustrated sigh, Vic shoves a black helmet in Chris' hands, and we're off to the races again. "Bring them home," Linda whispers sweetly, embracing him tight, and as they hug, I get the most sinking feeling that it's for the last time. Dont...... Don't kill, Chris Mcqueen.

Vic and Chris work in silence, once they get to the charred foundation of Sleigh House in Colorado, burying the handmade bombs, and finally Chris can't take it anymore. "Is this how you want it, Brat?" He asks her, heartbroken, and Ashleigh's acting is PHENOMENAL, as she breaks down and reveals the truth behind her unprovoked animosity.

"It's easier to be mad at you, than to blame myself."

"None of this is your fault. Charlie Manx is not your fault."

"I want to forgive you, because if I don't, how can Wayne ever forgive me. But I can't just let myself off the hook!!!"

It's not entirely a make-up, but it's an important conversation, something she's been wrestling with for a long time. Chris is again AMAZING, consoling her, easing her guilt, even while she's the one that's been impossible. Again Vic, I love you, but your father did the absolute RIGHT thing, and he's the only one that did right by Bing, as far as I'm concerned.

Maggie and Lou join the dynamite father/daughter duo in Colorado, and I LOVED all of their scenes together, the two people in this world that Vic McQueen loves most, and there's something magical about it, something iconic, seeing all three of them together, the Creative Dream Team, united in their crusade against Charlie Manx.

"Every one of these ornaments represents a kid in Christmasland, lost forever. Do you think there's a way to get them back? The other kids?"

WHEN SOULS FALL.

Maggie stares down, perplexed at the tiles, as she arranges them, revealing to the oracle this cryptic, mysticism, and I myself, could NOT breathe. Holy SMASH. Ever since the end of, "Gunbarrel," where Vic wanders through the trees outside Sleigh House, frowning at them, the hundreds of glittering ornaments, swaying in the wind, glowing as she drew near, I just knew...... I KNEW the souls of the Lost Children, were trapped inside each and every one of them, and this suspicion was ever further confirmed, when she found Bradley's canoe ornament, broken open on the ground, after he burnt up in the Wraith. My prediction? To turn the kids back, they have to smash every single one of these ornaments, and only then can the escaped souls return to their vampire shells, and make them human again. The minute a child hangs an ornament, the transformation is complete.

I also LOVED the transcendent scene between Vic and Millie, a scared little girl, in over her head, calling, pleading through the static, and I couldn't help but MARVEL at how much has changed between them. Last Season Millie Manx was very much her father's daughter, cruelly taunting Vic, on her father's behalf, even appearing to her while she was awake, stabbing her with an invisible sword. Now, she calls out to her to be her saviour, her father's greatest enemy, the iron wrought armour of her inherited hatred falling away, and Vic sees her as she always was, not a hollowed out demon spawn, but just a frightened little girl that needs to be set free. I was also THRILLED that dear little Millie imparted the knowledge that Charlie CANNOT die, else all the children, including his daughter, will die with him. Vic abhors Charlie with a screaming vengeance, but now that she knows his death comes at the cost of every child he's ever taken, she won't kill him, she CAN'T kill him, because then all of this, everything she's fought so hard for, bled for, would be for nothing.

The final act is both the thrilling BEST and the incoherent WORST of the episode, as the chaotic music ominously heralds our man's arrival. Charlie Manx, cutting a dashing, imposing silhouette, dark against the hazy dusk, exits the Wraith, turning every which way, striking in profile, floating smoothly across the front of the car, to let Wayne out. I loved this aesthetic, Charlie moving swiftly through the mist and dying light, rising as the threatened dark, enclosing. It's beautiful, and serves two clever purposes. One, to shroud our debonair dark menace in all the more intrigue and mystery, and the other, to conceal just how bad Wayne's gotten. Charlie clasps his hands around Wayne's shoulders lovingly, the picture of paternal pride, and my heart caught, seeing Wayne in the cast light, his boyish curls, frayed and almost white, his skin covered in white blue veins, every one of his teeth, coming to a sharp point.

"Go on, My Boy, it's time to hang your ornament," Charlie chortles handing Wayne the CUTEST little gray, baby bat ornament, I have ever seen, urging him forward. "Choose any branch you like, just make sure it's a SPECIAL branch," Charlie crows, and my heart melts, so in love with both of them, and the way Charlie dotes on him, knowing that while this began as a revenge plot, Charlie has come to love and favour Wayne, like the son he never had. "Don't dilly dally," He warns adorably, with an eyebrow raise, and even this mild scold is too precious for words.

Charlie waits by the Wraith, already nervous, as little Wayne disappears into the grove of trees. I LOVED the Wraith's ADORABLE warning system, as it flashes danger, the car horn honking, and even more I loved Charlie's distressed reaction to it, hurrying over, brow knit, like a father racing to tend to and protect his frightened child. Can I just have this impossibly PERFECT man, that darling little curly-haired boy, and this pretty, shiny car, PLEASE!?!?

"Smart Car," I whisper to myself, as the Wraith senses Vic's presence, and the waiting bombs beneath the ground. Charlie, alarmed, jumps back into his car, to seek out what's got the Wraith in such a tizzy, racing away, and leaving young Wayne behind. If there was ever a time, to save Wayne, it is NOW!!! NOW, Maggie, grab him NOW!!!! Here's where things start to unravel for me as far as character motivation and realistic ability is concerned. Yes, I get that Wayne's appearance is terrifying for her, that she doesn't know what she's walking into as she approaches him, but there is NO WAY Margaret Leigh, Oracle Extraordinaire, Hourglass SLAYER, would just cower, and watch as Wayne hangs his ornament. Nope, sorry. Wayne isn't even all the way a vampire yet, he's in transition, and the FEARLESS girl that I know and love, would have grabbed him, reassured him, while she wrested the ornament from his hands, and SMASHED it!!! Wayne's soul flies back into his body, crying as he clings to his Aunt Mags, Charlie is thwarted, and everybody lives happily ever after. End Scene.

But no, Maggie, in an uncharacteristic move, waits until Wayne has ALREADY hung his ornament, and then approaches him fearfully. I will admit I was a little nervous too..... Wayne, Darling, NO BITING Aunt Maggie!!! Wayne bares his vampire teeth, and raises his vampire claws in an adorable scare, with the cutest little growl ever, laughing cheerfully as he chases Maggie through the trees, clearly thinking it's a game.

Meanwhile, Charlie bristles as he sees the glowing headlights of Vic's motorcycle up ahead, piercing through the descended dark. His annoyance is obvious, but you can almost sense his secret excitement, at having one last chance to kill her.

"Gunning for Mother of the Year?" Charlie scoffs, amused, looking hot as hell behind the Wraith, clenching the steering wheel, his head down, eyes narrowed and full of smouldering, black intent. It's a FANTASTIC face-off, as the Wraith screams down into the open field, Chris pressing HARD on the detonator, and the first bomb goes off in a spray of dirt and billowing smoke. Again here's where I found myself more than a little bit incredulous, wondering WHAT THE HELL IS THE WRAITH MADE OF!?!? I even giggled to myself, remembering what Chris had said. "I don't care if he's in a GOD DAMNED tank!!!" The Wraith remains unscathed, the gleaming black paint, not so much as scratched, as a second bomb, and then a third go off beneath it, to no detriment. Really!? The Wraith is NOT a tank, it's not even armoured, and while yes, it's a supernatural entity, it CANNOT DEFY THE LAWS OF PHYSICS!!! Baby, I'm sorry, I'm so don't want to see you harmed, but you put a blast beneath that undercarriage, it is going to send that car FLYING, flipping it over at the very least!!!

Back in the grove of trees, Wayne, still chasing Maggie, stops cold when Lou calls out to him.

"Dad..... is that you?" THANK GOD, I cry out tearfully, as Wayne recognizes him, and in a very human moment, runs and hugs his father so tight, snuggling his little head to his shoulder, Lou sighing relieved, as he holds his son at last. Happy tears become angry ones, however, and at first I was LIVID with Wayne, horrified as he sinks his tiny little fangs into Lou's shoulder, biting him hard. DON'T BITE YOUR FATHER!!!!! Why, Wayne, WHY!? But the second time I watched this episode, I noticed something soooo very important. Wayne doesn't show any signs of hostility, poses NO threat, UNTIL the first bomb goes off. This is NO coincidence. Charlie, you're too clever for your own good!!! I suspect, that once the transformation is complete, and the kids are connected to Father Christmas, they can sense when he's in danger, and their innate attack instinct takes over!!! Freaking brilliant, and yet also terrifying!!!

Vic curses under her breath, her foot slamming on the gas, helplessly, as the Triumph won't start, her knife failing her, as the Wraith, screams at her like a shot bullet, promising vengeance, and Charlie smirks, sadistic, knowing he's about to end this....... "Say Goodnight, Vic McQueen."

My heart clenches in my chest, barely breathing, the tears flooding my vision, watching through blurry eyes, knowing what he's going to do, before he even does it. Chris McQueen hurtles himself in front of Vic, selflessly sacrificing his life for hers, and the Wraith runs him over, crushing the back of his legs. as he collides with it. I screamed, I sobbed, and shook violently, stunned because my prayers had been answered....... Chris McQueen, has miraculously SURVIVED. He's alive...... he's alive...... I whisper, reassuring myself. While he's far from okay, surely suffering two crushed legs, unable to move, I'm just so happy to see him still breathing, still fighting.

"Perfect timing, Wayne," Charlie snickers, Vic screaming, "NO!" as Wayne hops back into the car. This is it, this is the moment, where it all goes so wrong. Charlie's holding all the cards, he's got Wayne in the car, he's subdued Vic and her father, neither of them can so much as move, and he listens, drinking in their anguished cries. All he had to do was drive away....... It was over. It was SUPPOSED to be over.

"Chris McQueen, a disappointment of a man, just like your father," Charles snarls, and I AM BEGGING him to stop, bawling, pleading frantic, my terrified voice shrill. "BABY NO!!!! BABY STOP!!! DON'T KILL CHRIS, PLEASE GOD, CHARLIE!!!!!" Tapping into a darkness, donning a heartlessness, unbecoming of our gentleman villain, Charlie looks Vic in the eye, as he does it, snapping Chris' neck with lethal force, killing him purely out of spite. The episode ends with her broken, mournful sob, and Chris' slain gaze, his eyes still full of tears, staring blankly at the camera.

My pain is deafening, my sorrow beyond all hope of any coherent expression as NOS4A2 suffers its greatest loss to date. It's an empty gesture, a callous act, uncharacteristic of the man that I love with all my heart, but who has hurt me something profound with this senseless murder. In what kind of CRUEL world, does an innocent man, who sacrifices himself for his daughter, who fought for eight years to be the kind of father she deserved, have to die, while an indecent evil like Bing Partridge gets to live!? Charlie, HOW could you!? This...... There's no honour in this. Charlie kills only as a last resort, and only in defense, he has a strict moral code, and is vehemently against violence without cause. This was unfeeling, unnecessary, and soulless. Yes, he knew Chris was a bad father from before, but surely in witnessing the valiant manner in which he'd flung himself in front of the car, with no thought for his own life, Charlie would have found him redeemed, he would have seen a father who'd do anything to protect his daughter, not so different from himself, and he would have felt SOMETHING!!!

Goodnight, Chris McQueen. You fought the good fight, you changed and made things right, and now at last you can find peace....... My heart is so heavy, I can't hold it, and crying here, I want him to know how wrong he was, thinking nobody would mourn him when he died. A thousand cry out, stricken with grief. Husband, Father, White Knight Redeemed, here lies Chris McQueen, a HERO who didn't die for nothing.........

#nos4a2 #nos4a2 review #chris mcqueen #vic mcqueen #linda mcqueen #wayne mcqueen #charlie manx #maggie leigh #bing partridge

15 notes · View notes

vxmorpheus · 4 years ago

Text

The Crossroads to the beginning. P1

Tw - blood, and mentions of miscarriages

LONG post

"I... just don't think we can do this anymore, Eli. We can't just keep pretending nothing's happened," Michael spoke solemnly as he packed his clothes into his suitcase.

Eli stood by the door, fighting tears back, "you don't have to leave though! We can work things out, maybe-"

"No! ... no, Eli. We've tried working this out for 5 years, but you keep miscarrying! I-"

"Excuse me?! Are you blaming this on me?! It's not like I'm fucking trying to! I want a child just as bad as you do!"

He shouted back, "well it sure as hell doesn't seem like you want a kid!"

"So, you're saying I'm doing this on purpose?!"

"Yes! I don't think you ever wanted one in the first fucking pla-"

Eli slapped Michael hard. Hard enough that it jerked his head to the left, "get. Out."

He put his hand on his face, "Eli, I-"

"GET. OUT. GET OUT RIGHT NOW! LEAVE!" Eli screamed out. Michael jumped in surprise, then scrambled to close his suitcase and left quickly. Eli followed him to the door, slamming it shut behind him. She put her back against the door and slid down until she was sitting on the floor with her face in her hands. She sobbed into her hands before bringing her legs up, hugging them to herself for comfort. Eli didn't know how long she sat there crying, but by the time she got up, it was nighttime. She set a kettle onto the stovetop and walked to the window, looking out on the city... it felt much more empty and quiet now with Michael gone. "What am I going to do...? How am I going to pay rent...? I can't work..." the kettle cut off her ramblings to herself. She poured some of the hot water into a mug and put a teabag into it. Eli made her way to bed, walking by the spare bedroom that was meant for Michael and her baby... that was never to come. When she stood in the doorway of their bedroom, she stared at the empty king bed for a long time before turning around and going to the couch. She couldn't bear to sleep in that bed all alone.

Over the next couple of months, she and Michael got divorced. Which was easier than expected given there was no child to fight for custody of. She had also found out that he had actually been cheating on her for 3 months before he left her. She was pissed, not at the other woman, but rather at him. He was a coward. He was a liar. He never stood by Eli's side after each miscarriage. She was always left to heal by herself, to take care of herself even when she wasn't supposed to be walking and bending. She resented and hated Michael, she was actually happy she never had a kid with him... but she still wanted a child.

The money she saved and the money she got from the divorce helped her pay rent for some months while trying to figure out what she would do for income. One night, she was binge-watching a show with paranormal/supernatural themes and one of the characters went to a crossroads and summoned a demon then made a deal to save another character that was in a coma. Eli sat up slowly and thought, "if... maybe... I can do that... and make a deal for a job..." she grabbed her laptop and changed the channel to something else. She began doing research into crossroad demons, she had heard of them before but only for famous people. While she did research, the news played a recap of the election results... "Gabriel Kenward is the confirmed winner for governor. He and his wife are goi..." Eli zoned the tv out while reading steps on how to go about summoning a crossroads demon. She read up on every single website she could handle, even the ones making fun of people for looking or trying to summon a demon. Her eyelids felt heavy as she was reading a website specifically made for the supernatural practices, she could only read two paragraphs before she passed out on the couch. She felt herself falling in her dream, making her jerk awake. Eli sighed, annoyed, and got up, setting the laptop onto the coffee table. She walked around the couch to the kitchen to get some water, but... something felt off. She paused at her refrigerator and looked around. Everything looked normal but the air felt different for some reason. Eli shook her head and grabbed a glass, putting it in the water dispenser on her fridge. There was a pause... then liquid poured it into her glass before she yanked it away. Eli stared in horror at her fridge before looking at the glass, which had blood in it.

"You going to drink that?" A voice behind her asked humorously. Eli whipped around to see... something... sitting on the kitchen island. It was like her brain couldn't understand what she was looking at. "Didn't your mom tell you staring is rude?"

"I-I... wh...what are you?"

"What you're looking for," it took the cup from her and downed the blood, making Eli shudder in disgust.

"W-What do you mean?"

"Oh please, dear, you can't be that stupid."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I'm a demon, idiot."

"I am not an idiot! How the fuck did you get into my house?"

"Hah! I'm not inside your house. Well, not in the traditional sense. I'm in your dream. This is a dream, sweetheart."

"Don't fucking call me sweetheart. What do you want."

"Ooh feisty, I like that. It's not what I want, it's what you want," it jumped off the island counter.

"You are not what I'm wanting to summon."

"Yes, yes, I know. But, I can tell you how to properly summon a crossroads demon. Just be sure to mention me to him, hm?"

"What else do you want?" Eli snapped back.

It held its hands up, "oh, my dear, nothing. I just want to be mentioned. Might get me a promotion."

"... a promotion...? What the fuck? What does that mean?"

"It doesn't matter, just listen..." it leaned into her and whispered.

Eli sat up quickly, the sun shining into the living room and her phone blaring loudly to inform her that her friend was calling. She picked up the phone and talked to her friend for a bit before agreeing to meet up at a cafe. She quickly got ready and called a taxi, thinking about her dream the entire time. By the time she was snapped out of her thought, her friend was shaking her arm. Eli looked at her friend surprised, "what?"

Her friend gave her a concerned look, "how are you holding up? You're really out of it today." She took a sip of her coffee, "like... what's goin' in your brain right now?"

"What would you want if you made a deal with a crossroads demon?"

"Oh, you finally got to that episode? Hmm... money or fame. What about you?"

"To be in good health and have a fun and fulfilling career..."

"Huh, don't you want a kid still? I thought you'd ask for something like that," she froze for a second. "Sorry, that came out wrong. I-"

"No, no... you're right... I never thought of that..." Eli sat back in her chair and idly sipped at her frappe.

"Uh... anyway... h..."

Eli had zoned out for the rest of the day until night fell. She gathered everything she needed to summon this... demon... The idea of summoning a demon made adrenaline pump through her body. She wasn't sure if it was fear or excitement... or maybe both? Eli put everything in a bag and grabbed a butcher's knife before heading out. She looked at her cellphone GPS where she marked down a crossroads that was relatively outside of town and away from busy streets. Eli shoved the butcher's knife into her bag when the taxi drove up to her. Eli showed the man where she wanted to go and he gave her a weird look that said 'ok but why?' He took her to where she said and asked her as she was walking into the dark, "are you ok lady? Are you sure this is where you wanted?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Leave," he quickly left as Eli made her way crossroads. She opened a box she brought. "Ok... to do this successfully..." She took out the knife and took a deep breath before cutting her thumb a bit, smearing the blood onto her own photo and onto the white yarrow flowers. Eli closed the big and dug a hole, burying the box in the crossroads.

Nothing happened for a bit, making her the slightest bit embarrassed, but her body got the chills like something was behind her. Eli was the type to hate being scared in such a manner, so, not caring that this was probably a demon, she spoke, "I swear to fucking God, if I turn around and you are right behind me, I will not hesitate to punch you." She heard a quiet chortle and then some steps backing away from her. Eli was prepared to see something monstrous and scary, but... this guy was... normal looking? It looked just like a man in a nice suit with silvery-white hair.

"You actually did this in a proper way... so I guess I can't trick you too much... how may I be of service, love?" His eyes flashed red for a moment and he gave a sharp-toothed grin as he leaned back into a tree.

"Love? Did you just call me love?" The demon nodded, "don't fucking call me that, you mean nothing to me. You are only a means to an end."

"Oh my, so rude to somebody who's just tryin' to help," he looked slightly taken aback by her blatant honesty but tried to keep a straight and cool face. "Who told you how to do the summoning correctly? It's a rare treat."

"I don't fucking remember its name. It was a demon that came into my dream and told me to do it this way."

"Ohhh, my friend... well... I guess I did promise him a promotion if he got someone for me... anyway! What is it you need?" He pushed himself from the tree and took a step towards Eli, an evil look of amusement in his eyes. Eli held the knife like she was ready to fight someone to the death, "love, even if I wanted you to kill me or severely injure me, you wouldn't be able to. Humans can only exorcise demons and harm them with religious artifacts."

"I don't give a shit, I'm putting up a fight whether it matters or not," she said through clenched teeth. He continued walking towards her nonetheless, making her back away slowly until, in the most cliche way possible, she felt a tree blocking her path backward. He got up close, his body touching her body, and looked down at her with a smile.

He grabbed her chin and made her look at him, "did you just summon me here to fuck around with me, or are we making a deal, dear?" He grunted and looked down, seeing the knife stab into his left side. He looked back at Eli with amusement, "I told you, you can't hurt me. You have no power in this situation. Also, this was a brand new suit, ya know, now I have to take it in to get it fixed."

"Let me make it more expensive for you then," she took the knife out of his side and stabbed him again in a different spot. Then she took it out again and cut his shirt, cutting him in the process.

"Stop," he spoke aggressively, her antics starting to get on his nerves. He pushed himself away from her and looked down at his ruined suit, "are you fucking kidding me? Come on."

"Don't get into my space without consent then," she snapped.

"Humans and their consent... jeez..."

"Excuse me? Listen here you little shit," she marched towards him. He took a step back in surprise by her boldness. Eli was so much smaller than he was AND she was just a human, so why was he slightly scared? "Consent is important to have, it makes it so both parties are enjoying whatever they are doing. If one party says no, it means no. Say, 'no means no', right now."

"What on this forsaken p-"

"Say it. Right now," she held the knife up at him. There was silence between them, just eye contact. They stared at each other for a long time... it could've just been 30 seconds or it could've been 10 minutes. Time was insignificant to the demon and the human before him didn't seem to care either. She was going to keep going. Nothing was going to stop her from whatever her goal was, not even him being an asshole.

Holy Hell... she's... beautiful... what the fuck...? He thought to himself. "No means no," he finally spoke and broke the eye contact.

"Damn right," she only slightly lowered the knife, watching him with suspicion, which she had every right to do.

"L-Look, lady... I do not have any intentions of doing anything to you. Not anymore, at least. Just... what do you want?" He spoke softly to her.

"I want..." she lowered the knife all the way down. "I want a child."

He choked on nothing, "w-what!? A- what?! A child?! You could literally have a bunch of money or fame or the love of your life or-"

"I want to have a child," she spoke more sternly and with determination. He was beyond confused. Usually, humans always wanted the same things; money, power, love, etc.... but a child? He's never heard a human ask for a child. Having a child because she wants to bring a new life into the world... was that selfish? Humans are only selfish beings... was there selfishness in this request?

"But why? Just go have one yourself or like-" he stopped speaking, seeing tears in her eyes. "I-It's not-! It's just-! Fuck! I don't know!"

Eli sniffled, "do you really think I haven't tried to have a child of my own? Do you think I would just summon a demon just because I could? You have no idea what I've been through to have a child of my own! I-"

Suddenly arms wrapped around her, strong arms that felt... comforting and held her close, "I-I... You're right... I-... I have no idea what you've been through. But... I can tell that death follows you... so, I can gather an idea of what's happened... but I can't ever truly understand how you're feeling." He made a surprised sound at himself. Why was he comforting a human? Why was he being so nice? He was nearly 6,000 years old and here he was... hugging and comforting some human woman he's just met. He expected to be stabbed by Eli again, but nothing happened besides the sound of the knife clattering to the dirt. Now was his chance. He could do anything to her and she... 'no means no... no means no... no means no...' he repeated in his head. He felt her face shove into his chest and heard her sob loudly. He looked up above the trees at the stars and the moon, some clouds drifting by slowly. The demon rubbed her back idly while glaring at the sky. 'What are you doing to me. What are you planning', he thought into the air, directed at the big man himself. After some time, Eli pulled away and apologized, "no, no... you don't have anything to apologize for. I-If anything... I should be apologizing to you."

"Hah... a demon apologizing..." she sniffled and bent down to pick the knife up, he put his hand onto hers, keeping her from lifting it.

"I'm sorry," he said to her quietly and then took his hand away. She stood up and looked at him with surprise, but there was still suspicion in her eyes. Eli slowly put the knife away into her bag while watching him carefully for any movements. He looked down to the ground, "I don't intend on harming you in any way, but I understand why you're suspicious of me... I still want to grant your wish, so to speak... make a deal."

Eli perked up, eyes wide, "w-wait, really?"

"Yes... I'm sure it's against the rules though... but... I'll just break one rule. For you."

"So... I get to have a child... one that'll live a good long life?"

"I cannot guarantee the good part, but a long life I can."

"What is the ultimatum? 10 years?"

"Ah... see... that's the issue... since I'm breaking the rules for y-this... I have to cut it down to 5 years... n-now I-"

"Deal."

"Excuse me? We haven't even talked about how and when and all that other stuff."

"I don't care, just... deal. I'll take it."

"It's really reckless to just run into a deal without finalizing everything first. A demon could pull tricks and make terrible rules..." he put his hands together and then slowly opened them, a scroll appearing in flames in his hands.

"Well... are you going to do that?"

"No," he untied the scroll.

"Alright then... where do I sign?"

"W-What? You're just going to believe me just like that? What if I'm lying? I'm a fucking demon for hell's sake!"

Eli stared into his eyes for a short while before bringing them down to the scroll, "I trust you."

The demon stared at her for a while, feeling his non-existent soul swell, "...alright... so be it... sign here with your blood." She nodded and took out the knife, it still had black demon blood on it. She poked the tip of her pointer finger, using it as a way to sign. After she finished, the demon looked at her signature, "Elisa... a very nice name... joyful... it seems about right."

"Just call me Eli. What do you go by?"

The demon rolled the scroll closed, tying it up once again, then making it burst into flames, "the deal is done. Just... call me Sam."

"Alright, Sam it is then... what happens now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like... how am I going to have a kid? It just happens or like..."

"A-Ah, right... in the traditional way humans have children."

"Should I go to a club, a dating app, or like... what?"

Sam felt the hairs on his neck stand up, "no! er... I mean... a club would probably be the best fit..."

"Is it already determined who's going to be the father?"

"You see, this would've been stuff to talk about before you signed the deal. Well... nnnnnnnnnoo-yes. Yes, the father is already determined."

"Can I ask who it is? Like what's his name?"

"You'll know it when you see him."

"...Alright..."

"Why are you not afraid?" Sam blurts out. He clears his throat, "I mean... like not afraid to go into the dark, in a place you don't even know, and summon a fucking demon."

"I don't have anything to lose," Eli said flatly. Sam winced slightly, "I need to get home. It'll be a long walk home... thank you for helping me even though I stabbed you a couple times."

"N-Now wait a second. You don't have a ride? Or a car? What about a taxi or whatever that taxi service thing is called on your cellphone."

"It uh... it died. I'm just walking... I don't drive either, so," Eli shrugged and turned away, about to make her way out of the trees. Sam grabbed her arm and pulled her back, accidentally(?) a bit too close, "what the hell? Let me leave."

"No! I... I'll take you home. There are weirdos and bad people driving at night on the highway, I can feel the sin..." he lied.

"What? ... I... uhm... I guess... but how are you going to take me home? I don't imagine you have a car, do you?"

"No, I have something better. I'm a fucking demon. Er... may I hold you closer for safety reasons?"

Eli raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, "just don't try anything with me."

"I won't," he took a deep breath, pulling her closer to his body while he repeated 'no mean no' in his head. He closed his eyes, "close your eyes and don't open them until I say so, no matter what you hear." He opened his eyes and looked down at her, she had her eyes squeezed shut. He nodded and mover his left art out and forward, holding it above his head before making a slow cutting motion downwards. A rip in reality formed, the inside of the rip showed hell and its lovely glow of flames. He stepped into the rip while holding Eli as close as possible, "do not open your eyes." He repeated as the sounds of screaming and torture began. She buried her face into his side and started holding onto him as well. Again, his non-existent soul swelled up and he gave Eli a comforting squeeze. Sam successfully made it to the other rip that was made without running into any other demons. He stepped through that rip and looked at a door to a house he presumed was Eli's house. "You can open your eyes."

Eli peeked an eye open, "where..." she looked at the door, "home... where did you take me?"

"What do you mean?"

"The screaming place," she pointed behind her and started to turn.

Sam panicked, sealing the rip shut immediately, "You can't look at it! It's dangerous! It could damn your soul, trap you there, all sorts of things could happen!"

"Why would that matter? Am I not damned anyway for making a deal with you? I know I go to hell after the 5 years are up."

"W-Well yes... but no... I... If that happens you won't have a kid!"

"Fuck... yeah..." she looked down at the ground, a small smile playing on her lips, "this isn't like some fucked up dream right?"

"N-No. What? Why would it?"

"It just feels unreal..." Eli pulled out of Sam's hold and walked up to the door, digging the keys out of her pocket. Sam reached out slightly, her not noticing at all.

"Well... it's real... I'm glad you're happy," he followed after her.

She unlocked the door and started turning around, "I really am... I really am happy." Eli jumped slightly and looked up at Sam who was behind her. They stared at each other for a long time before he dove in and kissed her, pushing her slightly against the door. Eli's eyes widen in surprise before closing them and kissing Sam back. She reached behind her and grabbed at the air for the door handle, finally getting it and opening the door. They pulled away from each other, both of them flustered, "t-thank you, S-Sam... maybe see you again?"

"A-Ah... y-yeah... of course..." he rubbed the back of his head, "I'd... I'd love to see you again..." He knew it was against the rules to see her again. But... what's two broken rules to a list of nearly 400? He started walking down the stairs. She gave a kind smile, closing the door slowly before pausing and opening it again.

"Sam."

"Oh! Yes?" He turned around, surprised to see her at the top of the steps, eye level with him.

Eli grabbed his tie and pulled him to her slightly, "come here."

"O-Oh? Oh! Ohhh..." he let himself be dragged into the house. "Eli... is this... like... I don't want to get the wrong idea... but..."

"Maybe, play your cards right," she said playfully, still pulling him by the tie. "Take your shirt and coat off," Sam did so quickly, handing them to her, "go sit in the kitchen." He nodded and went there as she did whatever with his shirt and coat. She came out with a white box and walked over to him, "you said I couldn't hurt you because I'm human, right?"

"Yeah... physically."

"Well... that doesn't matter to me. I don't care if you heal faster than normal or it doesn't hurt or anything. It's the principle of the matter," Eli opened the box and pulled out some first aid supplies.

"Eli, you don't-"

"I want to! I... I want to," she got a wet washcloth and started cleaning the dried black blood. The room was in comfortable silence for a good long time before Eli broke it, "I'm sorry for stabbing you twice, cutting your chest, and ruining your new suit..."

"Yo-"

"But you kind of deserved it."

Sam blinked and looked down at her, she was concentrating on the left side stab wound. He laughed, "yeah... I kind of did." He watched her work carefully as they made idle conversation. She was treating him like a person and not some creature that could tear your body to pieces... and he... kind of liked it. Demons never really talked to each other, let alone have personal conversations. Sam put his hand on his chest in surprise, feeling a throb of something or some emotion he's never felt before or hasn't felt in a very very long time.

"Are you ok?" Eli looked up at him with... worry in her eyes?

Sam tore his eyes away from her, "Eli, I need you to get away from me, right now." He warned.

"But, I'm just trying to help you. Why are you getting hostile?"

"Eli, p-please, get away from me. Please. I don't want to hurt you."

"Now you're threatening me?" She stood up and crossed her arms, "in my own house?"

"Eli, you aren't understanding what I'm saying. I need you to get away from me. For your own health and safety," Sam started shaking. "Please, I'm begging you."

"Tell me what's wrong. What's happening?"

"For fucks sake, Eli!" He got off the chair and took a step towards her, "I need you to... get... away from me... right now. Go! Get out of my sight! Hide!"

"H-hide?" Eli took a step back and looked at Sam closely, "o..oh... Oh!" She spun on her heel and ran down the hall and to the master bedroom. 'Ok... closet... no that's too obvious... bathroom... again too obvious... this is so stupid,' she thought to herself as she starts dragging herself under her bed. She gets into a comfortable position where she is one-hundred percent under the bed with no extremities poking out so she'd get yanked out like some horror movie. She steadied her breathing and waited... and wait...

...and waited

.........and waited...

She started getting tired and her body was aching from the way she was laying under the bed... but everything seemed clear. Maybe he was good now? She very slowly, inch by inch, as quiet as possible, pulled herself out from under the bed. She sighed once she was free from under the bed and got onto her hands and knees to push herself up. A sinister laugh came from behind her, "I was wondering how long you were going to stay under there."

She slowly turned around, seeing Sam laying on her bed, "S-Sam...? How did you get in here and onto the bed without me knowing?"

He shrugged, "I'm a demon, love. We have our ways."

"Sam, please... let's just go back to the kitchen so I can finish-"

"Mm, no," he stood up.

"Sam... please..." She slowly stood up.

"You're driving me crazy, you know that? What are you doing to me? What are you planning?" He walks up to Eli and pushes her back onto the floor easily, putting a foot on her chest to keep her down, "tell me."

"I-I'm not doing anything! I'm just trying to be nice!"

"Nobody is nice for no reason. What do you want?"

"There are people who are nice for no reason other than to m-" he pushed his foot down to make her stop talking.

"You are somethin' else, aren't ya?" He drops down to the floor to join her there. Sam reaches over to touch Eli's face, but she swats his hand away. He then grabs her wrist, her other hand coming and trying to get his hand off, only for him to grab that hand too, "just let me show you affection."

"No! Let go of me!" Eli shouts at him, trying to kick him. Sam moves and sits on her thighs, pinning each hand in its perspective side by her head.

"Why?" His eyes were wide and glowing in the dark, his pupils were dilated to their fullest amount as he looked down at Eli.

"Because I said no! No means-!"

"No. No... No!" Sam let go of Eli and threw himself off of her, wildly rubbing his eyes, "fuck! God damn it! Fucking... I'm sorry, Eli... I'm sorry... fuck, I'm so stupid."

"What is the fucking hell was that?!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry... fuck..." Sam stood up and kept rubbing his eyes, "this hasn't happened in 4,000 years..." He walked over to Eli, holding his hand out.

Eli hesitantly took it, Sam pulling her up, "ok, but what was that."

"I... in the past... it's only happened once to another woman... I... I killed her because I couldn't control myself. I was only 1,900 years."

"So, you would've killed me?"

"I'm sure you'd probably want to die after what happens..."

"What would have happened?" Sam gave her a look, "Oh... right... yeah... but why would I want to die?"

Sam laughed nervously, "let's not Uhm... talk about what happens, ok? It's... I... no, let's not talk about that."

"Uhhh..." Eli gave him a side-eye, "alright then... we won't talk about it... for now." Sam nodded and stared at the ground, "come on... let's finish cleaning your stabs. I would've stabbed you again if I had a knife."

"I know..." Sam said. Eli took his hand and dragged him to the kitchen, "why are you not kicking me out of your house?"

"I'll do that after I clean everything up," Eli looked back at him with a smile. Sam just stared for a moment before giving her a genuine and kind smile.

She changed him and he could feel it by the pounding in his chest.

1 note · View note

mrneighbourlove · 5 years ago

Text

Fall of a Dynasty: Ch 2. Friends in High Places

"... fuck. Fucking shit, damn it all to hell, why. I want to know why." Zizi seldom had a reason to curse. Usually if she did swear, it was for one of three reasons. The first was she was mad and wanted to emphasize her point. The second is if she cut herself using the tolls on the plantation. The third, however, was most rare, was due to Zannah. So, this time, yes, it was due to Zannah, but more importantly, due to the fact that the empress was riding right. To. Her. Stall. And she was covered in soot, blood, and dirt. "Why. Me." The Zemlja wondered if it was too late to pray to Zemlja to make her invisible at will.

Rinku, who was at the house to acquire some vegetable supplies, as well as additionally stay for dinner as it stormed outside, looked up from her steak dinner. “Heeeeey now. There be little ones around. What’s got the mother bear angry?”

Zannah, however, didn’t know or care less who’s house this was. She got off her horse, dragging herself to the front door, all the while collapsing to her knees in the mud once in a while to reach it.

"I sensed the mega-bitch." Zizi replied with an irritated sigh. Now, the ruler of the Empire was banging on her door. All eyes looked to Zizi and she ran a hand down her face. Might as well get it over with quickly. "Stay here. I'll deal with this. Or either I'll get lucky and the ground will hold me hostage."

Rinku frowned, cluing in swearing might be common around the household. “What mega bitch?”

Kahli scowled, moving to secure his younger children away from the door, hell, the first floor.

The Emperor herself, pounded on the door, waiting for whatever peasant lived her to open the damn door.

Yanking open the door, Zizi stood there, not even batting an eye.

"... what?"

Zannah froze like a dear in head lights. This was the last person she wanted to see. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

"I was actually asking my deity why, out of all people, that you have to show up on my doorstep." Zizi said dryly. "So once again, I ask... what? What do you want?"

Fine. No need to stand on ceremony or waste additional time. “Lead me to your sister and brother in law. Right now. I’ve suffered an assassination attempt.”

"Down the street, third left, then go down to your second right, and the castle is right there. Bye." Zizi started to shut the door in Zannah's face, but Manaco stopped her.

"Mom, you know you can't do that."

"I can do whatever the hell I want, you know what that woman did to your father, our family."

"I know that, but... it looks like she needs help."

"She can go kiss Vul'kar's ass for all I care."

"Mom!"

"Look, I'm not being a part of this." Zizi threw her hands up. "Each time she comes around, more shit is stirred up. You want to help her? Then you can. I'm out."

"Mom!" Manaco groaned, exasperatedly, watching his mother stomp off into the kitchen.

“Run off you spineless little—?!” Zannah paused, a part of her trying to recognize the blonde woman step into view. There was a barrier of time from doing so instantly. “Do I know you?”

Rinku was drying her hands from washing her own dish. Looking at Zannah again she was filled with a lonely sense of nostalgia. “Been a long time Princess.”

That title certainly jogged a memory. “Link? Princess Rinku?”

"Yeah, this is Rinku." Manaco did not wait for permission, he simply swooped Zannah off her feet. "Come on. Let's at least get you tended to before going to see my aunt and uncle. Zarazu would freak if you came into her castle that way."

“What? Young man, what are you-ah! Watch it!”

"Now this I got to see." Urboro started to stand, but Grivy pulled her back down by her shoulder. "Hey! I'm not going to choke her or anything, I just want to see what my brother is going to do."

"He's probably going to play knight in shining armor, like he does for all the ladies." Miku rolled her eyes. "And if you're not going to eat your potatoes, I am."

Grievous was, in a sense, shaking. The Emperor being here, in any state, made her extremely anxious for the near future of her family. “She’s trouble.”

Rinku meanwhile pulled up a chair, and sat comfortably into it as Manaco

set Zannah down. “What happened to you?”

“My Theron agents tried to kill me. They set up an ambush in the Ruto mountain path.”

Rinku nodded to herself, as if trying to recall the memory. “I think I remember. Elite, scary black armoured death squads of your brother. Takes me back to fighting in the war.”

"Therons got you good." Manaco placed the empress on a blanket and looked over Zannah, noticing the blood. "Forgive this, but it has to be done." He took his hands and ripped her dress around her legs, and near her back. "We have to get the material away from the wounds or you would risk infection."

“It’s just a dress Manaco.” Zannah couldn’t feel her leg anymore. Not a good sign.

"... this looks worse than I thought." Manaco observing the gushing blood. "Okay, I think you're going to require some energy transference just to keep you stable. Hold up your hands."

“I can’t do that...” Zannah didn’t shy away, but she spoke in a somber monotone.

"... why not?" Manaco asked, puzzled. "My siblings and I do it all the time if one of them is sick."

“It’s because you’re all Waku. I’m an Ocho. Not all Hasai are alike Manaco. In the same way a Vatra has different abilities than a Munja, I do not have the unique ability your father and his line hold. I can’t absorb fire to heal my wounds.” Zannah sighed, her adrenaline starting to petter out.

Rinku nodded, reading the room. “Anyone here know traditional first aid?”

"Mom... does..." Manaco had to grimace out the words. "I think Dad does too. Let me go check, I think the most qualified for this is Urboro. She's the best with the medicinal plants so she probably knows a bit of healing. I'll be right back."

It didn't take long for Manaco to go and ask his sister.

Which was met by a loud...

"WHAT?! ME?!"

Grievous shook stood between her older half siblings, having become aggressively protective of Urboro in a short time. “No. She doesn’t go near her.”

"Look, I don't like this anymore than you do, Grivy, but someone has to help her or else, Zarazu will not be pleased." Manaco felt like he was stuck in-between a rock and a hard place. "I know my aunt doesn't necessary like Zannah that much either after what she did to Mom, but we have to think of the diplomatic relationships. We don't want to start another war."

"... fine." Urboro relented, having a grouchy expression. "... but Grivy comes with me."

“Gladly.”

As they started to head to the Emperor, Rinku already had one hand on the bolt stuck in her kneecap. “When I pull this out, you might feel some momentary discomfort.” Seeing Urboro come in, the elder woman smiled. “You ready to perform kid?”

"... not at all." Urboro looked a little pale but took a deep breath. "All right. This is... this will be easy. Piece of cake." She slowly bent down and hand her hands ready, Manaco knelt down as well to cauterize the wound. "You stop the bleeding, I'm going to wrap it with aloe."

“I know a thing or two about war wounds. You’ll all do fine. Hey Zannah.”

“What?”

“Look at the bunny.”

Rinku flashed a peace sign, completely throwing Zannah off. It was at that moment she tore the metal bolt cleanly out. The Emperor had a delayed scream as the others got to work.

Manaco used his fire to stop the bleeding as his sister instructed. Then Urboro exhaled slowly and breathed life into small aloe seeds, the plant sprouting from her hand and wrapping around Zannah's leg. It was not the work of a Dusa, but it would have to do until Zannah was at the castle's medical bay.

"... since my magic is green, and she is green, maybe I can share some of my energy. Zemljas have a lot more than Vatras do, anyway."

"Says you."

"Uh-huh, says me."

"They do not.

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

“SHUT UP!” Zannah wretched, her pain at an all time high compared to the last few decades of her life. “God! Your voices are infuriating!”

Rinku cut Zannah’s voice off with a hard tie of bandages around her kneecap. “Now Zannah. I know commoners have never been your cup of tea, but be nicer to the kids who helped patch you together.”

Zannah actually blushed from embarrassment, if ever so lightly. “Oh yes. You’re too kind.”

“Say, I don’t think you’re allowed to blush in front of commoners. Or drip sarcasm with the same toxicity as a viper. Does anyone want to here the first time the Emperor here lost her composure?”

The Emperor hissed between her teeth. “Absolutely not.”

"Look who's talking, you're the one who fucked over our family royally, yes bad pun intended, and we're trying to help your ungrateful ass out." Urboro scoffed, putting her hands on her hips. "Sure, Rinku, let her lose all composure, faint in front of us 'commoners' and have a bitch fit. Go ahead, I'm waiting."

"Urboro..." Manaco groaned. "Will you please be nice for once?"

"Nice is for pushovers. Except for when it comes to Grivy," Urboro fist bumped her half-sister. "She's baby."

“Well. It was during the War of Fire. Zannah was conducting the distraction to allow her killer robot to capture my baby sister Kanisa. Well, we were two teenagers, and I sprung into action to engage her in sword combat.” Rinku methodically nodded, recalling the details and slowly speaking them allowed. “Back then, she was an uptight princess instead of an uptight Emperor. And she was a pretty good fighter too. Keep in mind this was our second duel, and she didn’t have a concept of what innuendos and throwing singles meant.”

“Please don’t...” Zannah hated not being able to go anywhere, or have the right to stop this.

“So here was, pushing me towards a ring of fire, having this aura of seductive power. In my haste, I leaned in to kiss her.”

“You what?!” Grievous couldn’t believe that a warrior would do such a thing. Zannah herself blushed more at the memory.

“That’s right. And in a switch, her energy went from dominate to a flustered and shy school girl. Turns out that at age 16 or 15 I think, she hadn’t had her first kiss.”

Urboro made a retching noise for emphasis that she did not like the idea of kissing Zannah. "I feel sorry for your lips, you must have been washing them so hard, they chapped. I think you had a better match in that hottie you were dancing with the other night. She had huge knockers."

"Urboro, we talked about this."

"You talked about it; doesn't mean I'm going to listen."

“Well, we have our histories. Don’t we Zannah.”

“I suppose we do, Link.”

Both the woman’s eyes locked with each other. In Zannah’s was a monotone angry. In Rinku’s, a regretful pity at the experiences they shared. The family suddenly heard the death cry of a horse outside. Rinku was the first to stand up, calmly walking to the rake, placing her boots on. “You kids stay inside.”

"Trouble already? Damn, they're fast." Manaco once again took Zannah into his arms and then said, "Sis, I'm going to need your help. We have to sneak her through the tunnels so they don't see her."

"Really? I really got to do this? URGH." Urboro crossed her arms with a huff. "And I just did my nails... fine... tell her if she has claustrophobia, she's going to have to suck it up."

"No need. This will be over quickly. One way or another. Just stay here and keep them out if any manage to pass my eye." Rinku patted Manaco and took her sword, throwing a green tunic on.

Rinku stepped outside, ready for action. The storm raged outside, with rain and thunder pounding the senses. Despite this, the Arbiter of the Goddess was aware of her surroundings. It was the flashes of lightning against the shine of their armour that gave them away in the rainy dark. When one launched an arrow, the warrior princess ducked low. There went diplomacy.

Theron were surrounding the house, drawing closer. They'd kill everyone inside if they could. What they weren't expecting was a green clothed woman to step out. Too bad that there would be no witnesses. One stepped from behind a tree to fire a shot into her head. What he didn't expect was for how fast she'd move.

After ducking, Rinku drew her sword from her sheath, instantly decapitating the first solider with a clean cut. As his body fell down, another drew a shimmering guardian blade. Drops of water sizzled against the blade. Others in turn drew their own weapons. The princess cracked her neck, staring them down as rain trickled down her hood. "Last chance to leave."

With a violent swing, the Theron closest to Rinku tried to cut her in two. Instead, Rinku rolled around him in the mud, and leap into the air, slicing his backside open with a swing. Her blood cut straight through his armour, cutting his spinal cord apart. With a quick motion, she finished the man off by driving the tip of her blade through the back of his neck, piercing his throat. Taking a stance, Rinku held both hands on the hilt of her blade, waiting for the rest of the Theron to draw close. This cold night they faced the Hero of Hyrule.

Manaco managed to grab a blanket to toss over Zannah and followed Urboro out the back door.

"I'll be back soon, Grivy, got to take the package to the castle." She opened up the earth, rivaling a system of tunnels under the earth. "Can't believe I have to use these to transport her of all people."

"Look, we're doing this for Aunt Zarazu, because we don't want war."

"I know, but that doesn't mean I have to like it." Then, she jumped in the hole, and Manaco followed.

Grievous grabbed Urboro by the arm, shaking her head. Where they stupid or just wanting a death wish? "No! You can't go out-LOOK OUT!"

Sure enough, a Theron was waiting. With a launch of an explosive arrow, Grievous had to intercept it with a fire bolt, but the explosion threw her flying backwards. The Theron had the two young adults and Zannah insight, ready to kill them with another arrow, when his visor exploded with glass and blood. His body fell backwards, and Rinku was on the other side, already having another arrow drawn if she needed it. Her breath was a bit raspy, having finished the last of the attackers. The battle was a haze to her regarding time. Short engagements with tough opponents usually were. "Hey. Get back in the damn house."

Not arguing for once, the siblings went back inside the house and waited.

"She told you to wait. You are always in such a hurry." Zizi was not too bothered by the fact that there were Kikai soldiers outside. Their family had been so much, this did not surprise her too much. She sat there with her youngest one, Zaltana, and watched her draw. "Just let Rinku do her thing, then go."

"Don't look at me, it was his idea."

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

Rinku kicked the door open, helping an injured Grievous onto the couch. She had a fresh head wound now from being thrown by the explosion. When Manaco got close, his half siblings punched him in the arm. “Ass! She said to stay inside! I saved your life! All of you actually.”

Rinku shot a quip as she went back outside to check the perimeter further, “She’s not wrong you know.”

"Ow! Hey! Don't make me drop the cargo here!"

"Sorry, Grivy..." Urboro felt sort of guilty when she saw the cut on Grivy's head. "I just really don't like the idea of being anywhere near her."

“There’s trained killers outside. You didn’t even think!”

Zannah chuckled, her head woozy from blood loss. “Your schooling taught you well.”

"Okay, okay, I was dumb and I rushed into getting mega-bitch like Mom said out of our house, I'm sorry, do you forgive me?" Urboro didn't like Grievous being mad at her.

“Shut up." Manaco grumbled under his breath at Zannah. "Or I will drop you."

Grievous took a deep breath in and out to calm her nerves. “Just... think. For me. I don’t want you dead.”

Zannah herself reached up and flicked Manaco in the nose. “You don’t tell your elders to shut up.”

It wouldn't be soon after that Rinku came back in. “Zizi! Kahli!”

The father came down, nodding. “Yes?”

“Dead horse. Eight dead Hasai. No more in the near vicinity. You, kids. With me as back up, you now have my permission to leave. I’m getting on my horse, and you travel under me. I’ll escort from above to the castle.” Rinku immediately took command of the situation. This was survival. “And we’re leaving before more show up. Let’s move out people.”

Inside the castle, Leere had lost at chess... again. Ralnor was not going to just 'let' his sister win especially when she wanted such a ridiculous deal. He ran his hand down his face as Leere listed off reasons that it would be beneficial to have... that damn snake so close.

"Leere, I frankly don't care what reason you give me," Ralnor told his sister. "Or even if the deities themselves would kiss me for it, that bastard is not getting a room in the castle."

“Ralnor. He’s not going to have a place to at my wife’s ranch. Why the hell cant he have one here? It’s easier access for him, more luxurious, and he’d blend in with all the monsters that guard the castle in Father’s and Covarog’s service. Yes. He’s a pain. Yes. He can act like an ass. But he’s a friend and a partner. We work with Echidnan kind. We have to give them an ambassadors place in the castle.”

"He can stay in the damn wine cellar for all I care, he's drank half of my collection already." Ralnor was not budging on this issue. "You and I both know that if someone else saw Bonegrinder before it was time to act upon the future plans, something could fall apart. There are others out there who want him dead. And the maids here gossip like it's going out of style. The answer is no. He's safer at the ranch, regardless of whether he stays in the barn, under your bed, or slinks around underneath the floorboard." The prince grumbled. "Besides, the damn monster can teleport, why the hell does he need his own room?"

“Wait. That’s pretty good. We can transform your wine cellar into a pent house for him. Because him trying to eat my cows it more costly to my wife than wine you horde to yourself.” Leere flicked her King piece over. “He’s still an organic being Ralnor. He likes to rest, sleep, snugg- forget that last one.” They both knew Bonegrinder’s snuggles could turn rather pushy. “Ah. Here’s my check. Sunny is carrying a baby. There’s no way he’s going to stay at the ranch and possibly startle her into losing my baby.”

"I was joking, there's no way he can fit into the wine cellar, his ass... coils... body---fuck, whatever you call it, is too big." Ralnor scoffed. "And he would not try to startle your pregnant wife. He's arrogant, a prick, and crazy, but he's not going to purposely frighten a pregnant woman. Bonegrinder is an ass, but he's not that much of one."

“He’s not coming to the ranch. It’s too small. The castle is massive. We could stick him in one of the dozens of towers we have.”

"Sure, sure, we'll room him with Vaati, just so he'll get on the wizard's nerves." Ralnor said sarcastically. "And for the record, I don't want him around my kids either, but we both know that if Ukuri is talking about a snake man singing her bedtime lullabies, that isn't happening. So just wait, I guarantee you, Bonegrinder will be telling your little one all kinds of stories too."

“Your kids are fully grown adult strapping Gerudo women. Your first issue to the stop treating him like the boogie man. He gets a tower here, or he’ll be overwhelmingly annoying to us.”

"He stays at your ranch." Ralnor was not budging. "We're not going to discuss this again, I'm not having a 57 foot snake running around the castle---"

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

The prince was interrupted by loud, intense knocking. On the secret tunnel door behind his bookshelf. Irritated, Ralnor hit the switch to move the piece of furniture. "I swear to Hylia, you damn old snake, if that is you listening in on our conversation, I'm going to scale you and make you into a---...?!?! Manaco?! Urboro?! Rinku and---?! ... what the fuck, Zannah?! What are you doing here?!"

"It's uh... long story, Uncle, but can we like, talk later? Mega-bit---Zannah needs medical care."

Leere blinked, surprised by the Emperor’s presence. She was bleeding heavily from her leg, amongst other smaller injuries. It was Rinku, who’s blood covered tunic that worried her, however. “Sis?”

“Leere. Didn’t expect to see you here. But no time for catch up. Ralnor. We can’t seem to find Doctor Boo Boo. And given the high value of our guest, I think our brother should be notified.” Rinku threw her bloody sword onto Ralnor’s floor, becoming too tired to stay up in the middle of the night fighting for her life. And she felt for certain this night was going to become quite the ordeal. If not the near future.

________________________________________________________________

Previous Ch. https://mrneighbourlove.tumblr.com/post/613698270411243520/fall-of-a-dynasty-ch-1-no-negotiations-this-time

Next Ch. https://mrneighbourlove.tumblr.com/post/614058125382844416/fall-of-a-dynasty-ch-3-signing-the-fine-print

Crossover with @ridersoftheapocalypse

#comments appriciated #Crossover #ridersoftheapocalypse #Zannah #Rinku #Leere #Ralnor #Zizi #hasai #Hyrule #Action

4 notes · View notes

lnhumanity · 5 years ago

Photo

an agents of shield playlist in chronological order from pre-series, up until the end of season 6 / beginning of season 7.

listen to it here!

song explanations under the cut. warning that its very long, i have a lot of thoughts

01. Two Birds - Regina Spektor

Two birds on a wire / One tries to fly away / And the other watches him close from that wire / He says he wants to as well / But he is a liar

Relating both to May & Coulson after Bahrain, with Coulson trying to help May return to the field, but May refusing, and FitzSimmons immediately pre-season, with Simmons excitement about going into the field contrasted to Fitz’s hesitance, but over-all desire to stay with her.

02. Small - Chloe Moriondo

And I'm suddenly not interested in / whatever the rest of the world has to offer so / I drown facedown in my head and feel my state start to alter cause / You / Because you

After FZZT, Fitz realising that he has romantic feelings towards Simmons.

03. Saturn - Sleeping At Last

With shortness of breath, I'll explain the infinite / How rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist

FitzSimmons in the med pod under the ocean, with Simmons talking about the first law of thermodynamics.

04. Evaporate - Gabrielle Aplin

Flesh and bone wrapped up in skin / Kept alive by oxygen / But right now breathing is so tough

During the S1/2 hiatus, Fitz starting his recovery and relying on Simmons, while Simmons suffers from PTSD and decides to leave due to her guilt.

05. Waves - Chloe Moriondo

Sometimes I feel like I wanna go back / To a time before my mind turned black / I miss the way it was / When instead of just my gooey brains / All that melted was popsicles and the rain just pelted down / Down on me

Fitz coping with his brain injury after Simmons left.

06. Anybody Out There - Gabrielle Aplin

You never told me why you had to leave / I always thought that you'd come back for me / I'm tired of getting people's sympathy / I know I'd make it back eventually

Fitz coping with Simmons leaving.

07. Hiding In Your Hands - Dear Evan Hansen

Look at her, a total trainwreck / Let her off this ride / Lift her out from all the pain / She tells herself she needs to hide

Simmons after the med pod, hiding her trauma in her music box and convincing others that she’s fine.

08. Just Add Water - Cavetown

Please don't invite me, please don't invite me / I wanna be alone, I wanna be alone / And don't remind me, please don't remind me / I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know

Fitz isolating himself from the rest of the team at the beginning of S2.

09. King and Lionheart - Of Monsters And Men

And in the sea that's painted black / Creatures lurk below the deck / But you're a king and I'm a lion-heart

Coulson leading SHIELD as the new director, while May supports him in the field.

10. New River - The Oh Hellos

Well, it'll rain for forty days and nights, / and nothing you do can slow the rising tides / But the river takes her shape from every tempest she abides / And like her, you'll be made new again

Raina and Daisy undergoing terrigenesis, and later being accepted into Afterlife.

11. Earth - Sleeping At Last

Fault lines tremble underneath our glass house / But I put it out of my mind / Long enough to call it courage / To live without a lifeline

Daisy becoming an Inhuman, contrasted with May during and after Bahrain. (So, basically, the episode ‘Melinda’).

12. Wolf - First Aid Kit

Wolf-father, at the door / You don't smile anymore / You're a drifter, shape-shifter / Let me see you run, hey-ya hey-ya

May & Coulson dealing with Gonzalez’s SHIELD while Daisy is hiding from SHIELD at Afterlife.

13. Storm Song - PHILDEL

I'll send a storm / to capture your heart / and bring you home.

FitzSimmons during their countless separations, but specifically put this early in the playlist for Maveth, and Fitz searching for Simmons during the S2/3 hiatus.

14. Spaceland - Chloe Moriondo

Sometimes overthinking can feel like more than overthinking / It's like I'm trapped in spaceland and I'm not coming back

Simmons trapped on Maveth, reflecting on everything that’s happened.

15. Neptune - Sleeping At Last

I'm only honest when it rains / If I time it right, the thunder breaks / When I open my mouth / I wanna tell you but I don't know how

Simmons after returning from Maveth, before she tells Fitz about Will.

16. Yellow Light - Of Monsters And Men

Somewhere deep in the dark / A howling beast hears us talk

Simmons on Maveth with Will.

17. The Currents - Bastille

We're living in the currents you create / We're sinking in the pool of your mistakes / So stub it out, your podium awaits

The team with regards to Ward about all of the tragedies that he’s caused, the impact he’s had on them, and their impending doom with him bringing Hive to Earth.

18. Bad Bad Things - AJJ

And I got to thinking / If I don't go to Hell when I die I might go to Heaven / If I don't go to Hell when I die I might go to Heaven / If I don't go to Hell when I die I might go to Heaven / If I don't go to Hell when I die I might go to Heaven / Might go to Heaven, but probably not

Ward killing Roz, torturing Simmons, and dying on Maveth.

19. Blame - Bastille

Fall upon your knees saying / "This is my body and soul here" / Fall and begging, pleading / "You've got the power and control"

Hive and his control over Inhumans.

20. The Last Time - The Script

Why's it so hard to look me in the eye? / Playing with that cross that's on your chain / I know you only ever bite your lip / When it's something you're afraid to say

Lincoln’s sacrifice.

21. Meet Me In The Woods - Lord Huron

I took a little journey to the unknown / And I come back changed, I can feel it in my bones / I fucked with the forces that our eyes can't see / Now the darkness got a hold on me / Holy darkness got a hold on me

Daisy after being released from Hive’s sway, and dealing with the fallout of Lincoln’s sacrifice.

22. ¿Viva La Gloria? (Little Girl) - Green Day

Little girl, little girl, why are you crying? / Inside your restless soul your heart is dying

Daisy during the S3/4 hiatus, running away from SHIELD.

23. Pluto - Sleeping At Last

Until one day I had enough / Of this exercise of trust. / I leaned in and let it hurt, / And let my body feel the dirt.

Daisy returning to SHIELD.

24. The Steven Bradley - Ghost Bear

My, oh my / you look as good as the day you died! / Oh, who am I kidding? / You look even more alive!

Radcliffe stealing the Darkhold and putting the dying Agnes into the Framework.

25. We Forgot We Were Human - Dirt Poor Robins

So tell me, what do we need with the sun? / Now we have an electric one / To melt every shadow away / Turn the night into day

AIDA and the other LMDs concluding that physical bodies don’t matter when someone’s consciousness has been uploaded into the Framework.

26. Squares - Stepdad

Thinking happy thoughts will fix it oh-no no-no oh-oh uh-oh / Where did I go wrong I guess I don't know whoa-oh uh-oh oh-oh / I'll just go on kidding myself and everything will work itself out

Radcliffe in the Framework, realising the mistakes that he’s made but being unable to do anything about it.

27. Nothing That Has Happened So Far Has Been Anything We Could Control - Tame Impala

Nothing that has happened so far / Has been anything we could control

Daisy and Simmons fighting back against the LMDs and entering the Framework.

28. Turn The Lights Off - Tally Hall

Everybody likes to get taken for turns / To see how bright the fire inside of us burns / And everybody wants to get evil tonight / But all good devils masquerade under the light

Daisy and Simmons finding out that HYDRA are in control inside the Framework, and seeing what May and Fitz had turned into.

29. Willow Tree March - The Paper Kites

And we all still die / Yeah we all still die / What will you leave behind? / Oh we all still die

Agnes, Mace, Hope and Radcliffe’s deaths, and their impacts on the team.

30. Cabinet Man - Lemon Demon

You can't win me, I can't be beat / I won't hurt you unless you cheat / You can't see me behind the screen / I'm half human and half machine

AIDA becoming a human, and fighting back using her new Inhuman powers, ending with her being killed by the Spirit of Vengeance.

31. Lethargy - Bastille

There's an English man up in space these days / Floating in awe and wonder / As he broke away from the atmosphere / And all of us non-believers

The team arriving at the future Lighthouse, and meeting Deke.

32. Warmth Outro - Bastille

Never good, still the bad and the ugly / Laid in front of us / Clearly we've learned nothing at all / From the TV's window

The remainder of the team during the loop, where they failed to save the Earth.

33. Cutie Boots - Stepdad

I wanna hold you til' it feels like it's been long enough to stop saying I miss you, stop saying I miss you

FitzSimmons reunion in the future Lighthouse.

34. Venus - Sleeping At Last

After a while, I thought I'd never find you. / I convinced myself that I would never find you, / When suddenly I saw you.

FitzSimmons wedding.

35. Stagnant - Chloe Moriondo

I don't know why I'm mean to everyone I love / It's hard to try to communicate / With darkness inside my head / Filling my lungs

Fitz, leading up to his breakdown.

36. The Driver - Bastille

There was a time when a moment like this / Wouldn't ever cross my mind / The sun will rise with my name on your lips / 'Cause everything will change tonight

The Devil Complex.

37. A Dark Design - Among Savages

Oh, there is not a God in heaven that wants to see us fighting this way / Oh, He spoke more about loving than people trying to make people change

The team fighting during S5.

38. Shame - Bastille

I can see a change / I can see a change in you / I see it coursing through your veins / And it is a shame / It is a shame on you / I barely recognize your face

The team continuing to fight - especially Daisy towards Fitz, and Daisy and Yo-Yo after Yo-Yo kills Ruby.

39. Terrified - Among Savages

Cause I'm terrified and I'm ruined by this mess / Cause I needed you more than I needed what was best

FitzSimmons refusing to let each other die & fixing the Gravitonium machine.

40. Icarus - Bastille

Icarus is flying too close to the sun / And Icarus's life, it has only just begun / This is how it feels to take a fall / Icarus is flying towards an early grave

Fitz during S5.

41. Bad Moon Rising - Credence Clearwater Revival

I see a bad moon a-rising / I see trouble on the way / I see earthquakes and lightnin' / I see bad times today

The final battle between Daisy and Graviton.

42. A Sadness Runs Through Him - The Hoosiers

Turn back the time that drew him / But he couldn't be saved / No he couldn't be saved / A sadness runs through him

Fitz’s death.

43. Carry On - fun.

Woah, my head is on fire but my legs are fine / After all, they are mine

The aftermath of the battle.

44. Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons

But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from you / And we'll live a long life

Coulson’s retirement party.

45. Good Grief - Bastille

Every minute and every hour / I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more / Every stumble and each misfire / I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more

Daisy and May’s reaction to Coulson’s death, and Simmons’s reaction to Fitz’s death.

46. Tic Toc - Mother Mother

Big hand, little hand, no hand, slow hand / Sitting in my hand is the sand of a shattered hour glass / And I throw these grains of sand into the wind and laugh / And I do not care just what they'll have to say about that

Simmons realising that there’s another Fitz out there, and her determination to bring him home.

47. Happier - Marshmello

Then only for a minute / I want to change my mind / 'Cause this just don't feel right to me / I want to raise your spirits / I want to see you smile but / Know that means I'll have to leave

Yo-Yo and Mack’s break up during the S5/6 hiatus.

48. Mountain Sound - Of Monsters and Men

Some hid scars and some hid scratches / It made me wonder about their past / And as I looked around, I began to notice / That we were nothing like the rest

The Zephyr team searching for Fitz, while Fitz and Enoch try to get to Naro-Atzia, during the S5/6 hiatus.

49. The World Ender - Lord Huron

I had a life and a place in the world / I had a sweet talkin' wife and a beautiful girl / I know I'm never gonna see 'em again / Gonna tear the world up until I have my revenge

Sarge hunting for Izel.

50. Spaceman - The Killers

The star maker says, it ain't so bad / The dream maker's going make you mad / The spaceman says, everybody look down / It's all in your mind

S6 as a whole, starting with Fitz in space, and ending with Simmons taking the team to the future, including Izel’s body hopping and Davis’s death.

51. Smile - Mikky Ekko

Smile, the worst is yet to come / We'll be lucky if we ever see the sun / Got nowhere to go, we could be here for a while / But the future is forgiven so smile

The team heading off to stop the Chronicom and save their future.

#agents of shield #Earth vs Space #Team Space AOS #i like music a little bit

8 notes · View notes

omgviolette12 · 6 years ago

Text

Ten, For The Price Of One

Summary: Loki, also known as “Agent One,” is tasked to invade the life of a potential killer, who decimated multiple members from the criminal organization, Morte. Known for his silver tongue, this mission is just another walk in the park for our God of mischief, or is it?

Words: 3062

Warnings: Graphic Violence, Shameless smut

Pairing: Loki/ Original Female Character

Chapters: 1/?

A/N: This idea has been running around in my head for a while, an au spy/assassin Loki. I feel like that role fits him, since he is a master of lies and trickery! Please let me know if this is a concept worth continuing~

It can also be found on AO3. I usually post there first, then here a few days later. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17581208/chapters/41438900 Tagd :

@dangertoozmanykids101 ---------------------

“Watch her.”

Agent Reaper threw a file on his desk, the momentum sliding it perfectly in front of Loki, otherwise known as “One.”

The file lay open, revealing a photograph of a woman who looked to be a mix of European and Asian heritage. A dark fringe reached to her eyebrows, almost long enough to cover her cat-like eyes. Black hair tousled over her pale shoulders, her smile showing rows of pretty, white teeth.

“We received some intel, but of course, it needs to be verified. The bitch took out more than half of our benefactors and agents, and we haven't had a single trace until now.” Reaper spat vehemently, his grey eye dripping with menace.

“They think she's the one?” While Loki was never one to judge a book for its cover, the petite, pretty woman in the picture was a far cry from the killing machine that currently plagued their organization.

The assassin always killed in a gruesome, humiliating fashion.

At first, there were no correlations between the killings and their perpetrator. The targets varied vastly in their locations and the execution method was always different. They killed randomly, seemingly with no motive.

The murders started cropping up, on and off for the duration of 6 years.

Picking up the file to read, Loki was momentarily shocked by its contents, though he didn't let it show.

-----------------------------------

Name: Nya Sato

Age : 24

DOB: February 20th, 1995

Varying appearances: Tall, petite, busty, small chested, blonde, red-headed

Latest appearance: Dark trench coat, face partially obscured

-----

Victims:

Victor Petrov

Title: Benefactor

Age : 65

State of corpse upon discovery: Dressed in lingerie, Mutilated genitals. Scrotum found in victim's mouth.

----

Maria Popova

Title: Agent #456

Age: 34

State of corpse upon discovery: Facial features unrecognizable, skin flayed. Flesh later found hung in victim's closet.

----

Augustine Bianchi

Title: Benefactor, Arms dealer

Age: 56

State of corpse upon discovery: Restrained against bed, on stomach. Anus filled with various sharp ob---

-------------------------------------

He stopped reading at that point, the list stretched to a number of 20 victims. All discovered without a shred of dignity.

Loki had seen many atrocities- performed many of his own. But never with such... twisted creativity.

"She left one of them alive. Not sure if it was on purpose, anyone would think he was dead if they found him. Said he recognized her from somewhere, described her to one of our artists once he was stable." A red-headed woman supplemented, standing by the old reaper's side. She wore all black, hands behind her back. "However, we don't know if the intel's reliable, or was planted by the killer themselves."

Reaper swept the glass filled with scotch from his desk, shattering on the mahogany floor. He then proceeded to speak threateningly, jabbing his pointer finger to the desk as he enunciated every word, “I don't care what you have to do. Get in her house, find out everything about her down to the color of her fucking knickers in every drawer. Fuck her, threaten her, do whatever the hell it takes to draw the bitch out and find out who she's working for!”

The reaper was never one to curse so vehemently, always sporting a cool look on his old, but wise features. Needless to say, he was truly incensed.

Loki leaned back against the leather chair unconcernedly, manspreading in all his glory. "So when do I start, dear father?"

---------------------------------------

For the first couple of weeks, Loki observed her. Nya worked at a small bookstore at the heart of Liverpool, in an area that held lush greenery at each corner. She rarely left the store, so he surmised that she lived there as well. It seemed to be one those stores with a small apartment on the upper level. Whenever he saw her, she was always smiling a bright, beautiful smile. She was the neighborhood sweetheart. Kind-hearted, soft, timid.

When he casually inquired about her from one of the regulars of her store, the old couple never ceased to stop gushing. Even among the younger patrons of her store, she was quite popular, although they did say she spoke too quietly.

If her portrayal of a sweet, harmless young woman was merely a facade, he would find her to be one hell of an actress. The latest assassination happened merely a week ago, yet he never allowed his eyes to leave the bookstore, tracking her whenever she left it. When could she have gotten the opportunity?

After monitoring her for close to two months, he decided to set his plan in motion.

It was quite dark, rain drizzling as Nya made her way to the bookstore. She struggled with two large bags of groceries, packed with food items and other necessities. By the time she reached the front of the store, she noticed a figure staggering in her direction. Her heart dropped. The man walked strangely, struggling against the wall of a building. He was still a distance away from her, but she could see a dark contrast of red blood splattered on his white dress shirt. His hand gripped his stomach as if he was holding down a wound.

Without thinking, she dropped her groceries and hurriedly made her way towards him.

By the time she reached him, he already slid from the wall unto the sidewalk. She stooped down, taking the man's face into her hands. Despite being immensely pale, Nya was immediately struck by his beauty. Her hands ghosted over his high cheekbones before her eyes trailed to the wound in his abdomen.

“H-hold on, I'll call the ambulance!” Before she could fumble for her phone, a large hand took her slim wrist into a firm grip.

“Don't..call them,” the man opened his eyes, revealing a piercing blue. Startled by the deep, raspy voice, she looked at her wrist, then to the injured stranger. “But, you’re bleeding so much and-” the man groaned loudly, tightening his hold on her hand. He repeated his words, but with much more urgency. “Do. Not. Call. Anyone,” his eyes bore into hers, almost pleadingly. Nya hesitated, unsure of what to do for a moment. After looking at his closing lids and faltering breath, she made a hasty decision, “Alright, I live close by. Try to keep awake, okay? Just for a few minutes,” Her large, bright brown eyes looked around worriedly, hair wet and sticking to her face. The streets were unusually empty. But she paid it no heed, as the neighborhood was naturally quiet and secluded. However, she regretted that she couldn't ask for help.

“We need to hurry, it’s gonna start pouring soon..” She loosened her wrist from his grasp, moving his hand to go over her shoulder, “can you stand?” Wordlessly, the man stood up, albeit clumsily.

It took longer than she'd like to reach the store. With the man's looming height and frame against her petite body, coupled with the drizzle of the rain, she had no choice but to take her time lest they tripped. The groceries lay forgotten on the quickly dampening sidewalk, as she struggled to open the store door with her key.

When they finally made it inside, she urged him to walk with her towards the back of the store. They came upon a staircase soon after. "I don't have an elevator, please bear with me for a little while. Let me know if..it hurts too much to continue," she looked up to his drooping head, noting that his eyes were now watching her with mysterious intent. "Is there something wrong..?"

The man let out a shaky breath, "no, let's continue. I can manage." They took their time up the stairs, each step creaking loudly. When they reached the top, he had gotten significantly paler, if it were even possible. As the door wasn't locked, she opened it without much trouble.

Although the building looked a bit small from the outside, her apartment had quite a bit of space. The walls were of warm, lively hues of blue and yellow, covered in floral patterns. Luckily, the living room was situated close to the entrance, so she immediately took him towards the couch. "I should have some medical supplies in the supply cabinet, hold on for just a bit longer. Can you.. um.. unbutton your shirt in the meantime?" Without wasting any more time, she scurried off.

Loki winced, his head leaning back against the couch. He stabbed deeper than he'd liked, but it had to look convincing. In reality, the wound looked worse than it actually was.

Nya gathered all the supplies she could hold, carrying them in her arms. She also ventured to the kitchen to get a bowl of water, juggling both as she made her way back. When she made it back to the couch, the supplies nearly scattered to the floor. The man took off his shirt, as requested. His lean figure was surprisingly much more sculpted than she anticipated, causing her to stare just a moment too long. She shook her head lightly to gather herself and went to sit beside him carefully.

"Okay.. let's see what I can do here. Could you move your hand.. please?" When he did, she couldn't help wincing at the sight. A deep stab wound oozing blood greeted her, and her hands started to tremble. She swallowed, gathering a wet cloth from the bowl of water to rinse the wound, "I'll try to be as gentle as I can, try not to move too much, okay?" While she cleaned, she made sure to pay attention to any signs of discomfort. However, the stranger didn't move an inch.

"May... I ask how you got this wound? why couldn't you go to the hospital?" She decided to ask a couple questions, make conversation. The silence was becoming uncomfortable. The man's expression grew increasingly stern as he regarded her "It's none of your business, little woman," he replied in an unexpectantly harsh manner.

None.. none of her business?! Who was the one cleaning his wound! She applied a bit of pressure unconsciously due to anger, and that made him flinch. "Considering I let a complete stranger into my home to tend to his injuries, one would tend to think I deserve a bit of information. I don't even know your name!"

The man sighed, then looked toward her in a reluctant manner. “Loki.” “Loki? Is.. that your name. Like the Norse god?” The man nodded his head stiffly. “Loki... that’s a pretty unique one. I’m Nya, by the way.” She no longer looked angry, her expression softening. “Now, would you please tell me how you got this wound?” Loki squinted his eyes at her before glancing away. “I’m being pursued... by bad people. I need a place to stay for a while, if you’ll have me.” His voice became softer, losing much of the harshness it had before. “ Bad people?! Are they trying to kill you?” Nya’s voice went up a pitch, her eyes widening a large margin.

“I understand if you don’t want to be implicated, I’ll leave as soon as you’re finished.” Loki let out a resigned sigh, before returning his gaze towards her wide eyes.

"No.. no. Please stay as long you wish. It should be fine as long as you're quiet..." She indeed didn't want to be involved with whatever trouble the strange man called "Loki" found himself in, but she couldn't let the man leave. It would leave her feeling guilty for weeks. "Besides, there's a storm brewing up. It would be good to stay inside, especially with this wound," after she had finished cleaning said wound, she picked up a tube of antibiotic cream.

The next few moments continued in companionable silence, with her treating him as he watched. When she started to bandage him however.. she felt something hard nudging her arm. She drew back her hand quickly, her cheeks turning a bright crimson. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.. you know.." she pointed towards his groin, "Cause that..."

Loki looked at her, unperturbed. Before she could react, he grabbed her wrist to drag her closer.

"On the contrary, darling girl... I'll welcome your advances. Enthusiastically." His deep, dark voice filled with filthy promises made its way into a surprised Nya's ear. His voice, his scent, coupled with their sudden proximity, sent her into a muddled, dripping wet daze. She audibly swallowed, her eyes quickly averting. What was happening to her?

"Look at me," Loki growled. He grabbed her chin, turning her face towards him. His hand slowly moved from her chin into a soft caress, ghosting over her small ears, before tangling into her raven hair. Nya closed her eyes at the sensation, enjoying his touch. Her expression was strange.... like one of pained relief.

With a jerk movement, he gripped her hair and slammed his lips unto her own. Due to the sudden action, Nya moaned out in surprise. Grasping that opportunity, his tongue quickly slipped into the warm cavern of her mouth. He swirled his tongue around her own, slowly... sensually, before sucking her tongue and swirling it again. When they parted for air, the sight of Nya had Loki hardening even more. Her tongue lay outside her mouth as she panted heavily, hair sticking to her face. She blushed a furious red, which further contrasted her from the cruel, twisted killer that he was tasked to find.

When Nya recovered from that searing kiss, all apprehension and rationality left her. Before he came, she was so... so lonely. The whispers grew louder with each passing day. But his warmth, his touch, made its way into her heart and overwhelmed her senses. She was soaking wet.

When he leaned down to kiss her once more, she stopped him suddenly. "You're still injured.. we.. we can't do this-" Before she could ramble, he pushed her down unto the couch, trapping her underneath him. She looked up at him, her brown eyes still wide. "No amount of pain will stop me from ravishing your sweet, supple," His hand went to grab between her legs," dripping, wet cunt."

Nya gasped at those words. In all twenty-four years of her life, never has a man spoken to her in such a filthy way, let alone someone she just met. Those words, however, made her even wetter, much to her chagrin. When he touched her there, she shivered violently, her legs spasmed and twitched when he thumbed her clit.

"Ah... Loki..please, I.." Nya was lost for words. She grasped the arm of the couch, her hips arching to meet his fingers. "Tell me what you want.. Nya," Loki whispered into her ear, his warm breath raising goosebumps on her skin.

When he said her name with that voice.. the words left her mouth before she could process it " I.. I want to feel you inside m..-ah!" He gently slid a single, long digit into her pussy.

He pumped his finger in a steady rhythm, watching as she writhed helplessly under his ministrations. When he removed his finger, she whined at the sudden loss.

Loki smiled darkly. She was right where he wanted her. He looked into her eyes as he licked his finger clean. "You're as sweet as you look, little flower. Almost like honey,"

She was a panting mess, her eyes glazed over. "Can we.. can we move to the bed?" she was still panting, her lips plump from their last kiss, "I want you.. to be comfortable." Even in this situation, she still thought about his well-being.

In regards to her concern, Loki respectfully declined. "No. I'm going to fuck you, right here on this couch."

He proceeded to do just that. In just a few moments, Nya's dress lay forgotten on the floor. When he ripped off her underwear, he made sure to take note of the color. Without further adieu, he removed his cock from the confines of his pants and slipped inside her warm, welcoming heat.

"Eeep!!" Nya let out a strange, sharp squeak when he filled her to the brim. He looked at her with mild concern. Nya looked mortified at the strange sound she let out, "I-I'm sorry, I don't do this...sort of thing. Hah...you pushed in so suddenly...it's too... too big.." Loki let out a deep chuckle, before going to nuzzle her neck. "I'm sorry dear, I've been hasty," he kissed her neck, sucking and nipping gently, "Tell me when to stop. Otherwise," he pulled out slightly, before ramming back inside her sharply, "I'll keep going, just like this."

Nya cried out at the sudden thrust, her quivering legs moving to grab at his waist. "Please.. not there..! It feels too... oh yes... I mean n-no..!" Nya stuttered helplessly, the assault on her body turning her silly. Of all the women Loki had slept with, she was the first to look so...cute.

He picked up the pace of his thrusts, quickening into a brutal speed. Nya's cute, whimpering noises seemed to spur a primal instinct within his being. He wanted to ruin her, to see the supposed monster that lay beneath her temptingly sweet body. However, that monster never showed itself. What greeted his ears instead was her soft, breathless voice.

"Harder, oh god, please go harder Loki," her hand now wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him even closer as he rutted inside her core. His thrusts began to grow unsteady, signaling his impending release. "I want you to come for me, Nya. I want to feel you tightening around my cock," he removed her hands from around his shoulders and pinned them above her head. "Now, Nya. Come for me now!" With his command, Nya screamed and shuddered when her orgasm washed over her like a tidal wave. In all her life, her sexual experiences could only be counted on one hand. She had never felt so filled.. so complete. Loki came soon after, his cum dripping from the sides of her pussy.

He never intended to cum inside her, he usually had control in these situations. But he was overcome with the need to mark her and own her in every way possible.

When he pulled out and watched the look of contentment on her face, Loki came to the decision to enjoy this gift of a mission bestowed upon him. And he would enjoy himself indeed, thoroughly.

Chapter 2

#loki laufeyson #loki fanfic #loki smut #loki fanfiction #tom hiddleston fanfiction #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston smut #tom hiddleston fic #marvel fanfiction #the avengers #thor ragnarok #loki fandom #tom hiddleston fandom

89 notes · View notes

silhouetted-beauty · 6 years ago

Text

“Run In: Fate” - Part 2

Genre: Angst and Smut

Word Count: 7.8K

A/N: Welcome back for another chapter. Happy Readings!^^

Yoongi had emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist as water dripped from his hair and naked body. His walk slowed to a stop as his eyes scanned the room. You were gone and he was a bit confused as to where you were but that was cut away by the ringing of his cell phone. Walking over to the bedside drawer, he picked up the device and answered.

“Min.”

He listened carefully to the voice on the other end line before hanging up and quickly getting dressed. Yoongi didn’t have time to look for you and hoped you wouldn’t be too upset by his sudden absence. Only when he had closed the front door and was now getting into his car, you came out of hiding and back into the bedroom. Yoongi wasn’t there and judging by a missing suit in his closet, he was gone.

You fell back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and letting out a sigh. Contemplating whether or not you were making the right decision, plagued your mind. You were so unsure of yourself and also angry. This didn’t have to be as dramatic as it made it. If you usually had a problem, you could talk to Yoongi about it. If it was something he did, you had no problem standing up to him and voicing your feelings. So why couldn’t you do it now? What was so hard about telling him you were expecting and whether he wanted to believe it or not, he was the father?

It sounds easy but what really worried you was seeing the look of disappointment on his face. You knew that Yoongi was a man that wasn’t easily moved. If he wasn’t ready for a child and you surprisingly were, you had a strong feeling that the relationship would become strained then wither away into nothing. You didn’t want to burden him and didn’t want to give him a reason to stay if he didn’t want to.

Letting out a frustrating sigh, you entered the bathroom to shower and get ready for work. What were you going to do?

~~~~~~~

When Yoongi made it to his club, he was barely able to put his car in park before rushing inside. He couldn’t believe what he was told and needed to get to the bottom of it. Today was supposed to go smoothly for him before his trip out of town. He was supposed to cuddle you and make sure you were okay especially after his chef told him that you went to bed sick last night. He was supposed to have lunch with his father, discuss business a little, before he returned home to pack. Yoongi had planned on taking you out to dinner and making love to you then catching his early morning flight. Now majority of his plans were shot to hell and he wanted to know why.

Entering into his office, he found Namjoon, Hoseok, and few other men gathered around his desk. When Namjoon saw him enter, he stood to his feet, letting Yoongi take a seat in the chair.

“What’s happened?” Yoongi asked coldly.

“Jimin’s on the line, he could explain it to you clearly.” He stated, directing him to the black landline on the table top.

“Jimin.”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Now explain to me what the hell is going on.”

“A shipment is gone.”

“What the fuck do you mean it’s gone?! Three shipments went out last night, what the fuck happened?!”

“From what I gather, it was some kind of ambush. The other two shipments were successfully sent out but the last one was stalled at the docks. Apparently a group of unknown men showed up, killed everyone, and took the boat with the goods on them.”

“Ambush?” Yoongi mumbled to himself. How would anyone know products were being shipped that night and why would anyone go after it? The obvious answer was money. That boat alone was worth an easy two hundred grand and the products inside not only contained weapons but also drugs. The buyer was looking for that last shipment, a shipment he now had to replace. “You told me you could handle this. You were the foreseer for this transaction, how could you let this happen?”

Jimin took a deep breath. “If you want me to pay you the two hun-“

“No!” Yoongi yelled raising his voice, standing to his feet. “I’ll replace it because it is my job to do so! This is about you letting someone take our shit! My guns! My drugs! In the hands of God knows whom!”

Now it was Jimin’s turn to become angry. He didn’t appreciate Yoongi talking to him as if he was one of his workers. He handled hundreds of transactions no problem and quickly learned that when there are losses, cover them and keep moving. Dwelling on them can attract unwanted attention.

“Yoongi, I get that you are angry but please refrain from talking down to me. We are partners, it’s not like you were the only one who suffered from this. Shit happens. We could either cut or covers our losses and move forward or fight about it like amateurs on their first run, it’s your choice.” Yoongi remained quiet as he bites back a response. A part of him knew that Jimin had a point. “Now I want to add something that I thought was strange about the entire transaction.”

“What do you mean?” Yoongi leaned forward resting his arms on the desks, his eyebrows dipped into his forehead.

“I received a message from Ujin saying the buyer wanted to discuss the last transaction over a call. While on the phone, he told me that he wanted the last shipment to remain at the docks. If we could, send it two hours or so later than the other two.”

“Why would he request that when he was adamant about receiving each package within thirty minutes of each other?”

“I don’t know, but when I returned to the docks the boat was gone.”

Yoongi thought it over, something about this wasn’t right. Out of all the transactions he’s done, none of the buyers had changed their minds about the shipment especially with the risk of the police watching. “You don’t think the stolen shipment was a setup, do you?”

“Actually, that’s exactly what I was thinking.” Jimin stated. “After I told the buyer what happened, he wasn’t mad at all. Told me that he’d make do with the two shipments he had.”

Yoongi wasn’t too thrilled to hear that a buyer help set him up and now someone escaped with a shitload of weapons and thousands of pounds of heavy drugs. Selling the drugs was quick easy way to make money but what worried him was the guns.

“You did well, Park. When do you plan on returning to town?”

“I should be back later this afternoon.”

“Let’s meet up afterwards to discuss this further.”

~~~

The time was approaching midday afternoon and the bakery had been busy with customers running in and out. The phone was ringing consistently with orders ranging from simple desserts for a party to large wedding cakes for more special occasions. To put it short, today was a busy day and you were trying your hardest to grin and bear it all.

You were trying to block out the conversation you had with Yoongi that morning and the phone call you had with your doctor was also getting to you. She didn’t seem too thrilled to hear from you and how you plan to precede with the abortion. She even tried to persuade you to think about it some more or at least consider talking to Yoongi about adoption. You ended the call, putting her at ease by setting the appointment a month from now.

While she seemed a bit relieved by this, it did nothing but make you feel like a monster. A monster for thinking about killing your own blood. Your own seed. An embryo that will grow into a tiny baby then into a toddler, calling you ‘mommy’ and telling you how much they loved you. How could you live with yourself after that? You could barely stand being in your thoughts, trying to figure it out.

What would people say when they find out? How would they react? What really scared you was how they would view you when they realized your solution to the situation. Honestly, it scared you to look in their faces and see the same mirrored disappointment. You knew because you saw it when you looked in the mirror at your reflection, not being able to recognize the person staring back at you.

You greatly dislike how one choice given to you affected so many people. Even the people, who were still unaware of your situation, would have a lot to say on the matter. And could you make them understand? How could you justify your fears by killing off your own?

Releasing a small sigh, you tried to shake the negative thoughts from your head to focus on work. It was only when the bustling around the shop slows to a halt, Jungkook’s grandmother asked you to have tea with her. The two of you were seated on her living room couch in the connected upstairs apartment, while Jungkook stayed in the bakery in the case of another customer.

“The weather seems awfully cloudy.” She commented, taking a sip from her cup. You looked outside of the window, taking note of the sunny blue sky. There wasn’t a single cloud in sight.

“But... I don’t see any clouds.”

She lightly chuckled, sitting her cup down. “I’m not talking about outside, dear, but up here,” she said, motioning towards your head. “Your head has been up in the clouds all morning. What is it that’s bothering you?”

You sighed, letting your emotional barrier down and decided to come clean to someone because you couldn’t bear holding it in any longer. “Well yesterday, I confirmed that I am pregnant.”

“Congratulations! That’s wonderful news but why are you still gloomy about it?” She questioned.

“Although I would like to be pregnant, now is just not the right time.”

“When is there ever a right time, dear? Things happen out of our control. Sometimes it’s best not to fight it; sometimes it could just be fate.”

“Yes but Yoongi and I never discussed having kids. Lately, he’s been so busy with his business that he’s rarely ever home and now, he’s leaving town for a couple weeks. A year ago, I’ve accepted him and his lifestyle in order to be with him but I honestly don’t want him to continue his business when we decide to have children.” You sighed. “I don’t want to be that kind of person that gives their boyfriends an ultimatum. I definitely don’t want to force him to do something just to suit my needs.”

“Of course not, honey, you’re doing it to suit the needs of your unborn baby. After all, you didn’t create it by yourself.”

“I know but I’m worried he’ll hate me for it later. We sort of talked about it this morning and although I wasn’t able to tell him I was pregnant, he did tell me that he wasn’t ready for kids either and I don’t know what to do. Yoongi doesn’t hold back his emotions whatsoever. If he’s mad, I’ll definitely know about it by facing it directly. He’s more than likely to tell me to either accept that he’s never leaving his family’s business or may tell me to leave.”

The elderly woman sat in silence as she thought it over. You had came to work for them almost a year ago and despite your name being in the headlines for being romantically involved with the biggest mobster in the city, they welcomed you with opened arms. You proved to be hardworking and a great asset to the company. Within that short period of time, she had gotten to know you and realize how much of a sweet and caring person you were. Although Jungkook’s grandmother has never met Yoongi, she figured that he couldn’t be as cold hearted as everyone painted him to be, seeing how he rescued you and your parents. With that being said, she believed that your relationship with Yoongi could withstand anything as long as you two were together. Neither one of you were good on your own and if you two didn’t stop being self absorbed in your own selfishness, then this would be the beginning of the fall of the relationship.

“In a relationship, when communication starts to fade, everything else follows.” She mumbled to herself, taking another sip from her cup.

“Hm?” You asked her, coming out of your own thoughts.

“Oh nothing, dear, just a saying that always stuck to me.” She smiled. “Let me put it this way... if Min Yoongi was harboring a secret that he was afraid would tear the relationship apart and you may leave him, would you want to know?

“Of course! I would want to know everything that was bothering him.”

“Why?” She challenged.

“...because I love him and I wouldn’t want him to hurt himself keeping it in.”

“But what if he doesn’t tell you out of fear? What if he doesn’t want to burden you and hides the problem until it is forgotten?” She held your eyes in a lock, refusing to break you from its hold. Eventually, your eyes begun to water at the heartbreak of the conversation.

“I would be hurt at the fact that he didn’t come to me and he had to suffer in silence. I wouldn’t know if I’d be able to trust him because he couldn’t trust me with his problems.”

“Now, is it better to keep him uninformed on the pregnancy? It is his child just as much as it is yours. You don’t want secrets to form and trust to break because of miscommunication, do you?”

You lowered your head, sobbing in your hands. “No...”

“If the Min Yoongi you told me about has grown from the asshole he used to be, then you have nothing to worry about.” She smiled at you.

~~~

You returned to work a short time later, working until late in the evening. You were the only one left in the bakery, cleaning up before leaving for the evening. Jungkook and his grandfather had left to deliver one of the wedding cakes to the reception while his grandmother had retired upstairs for the evening. All of the hired help had also clocked off, leaving you alone.

As you cleaned, you couldn’t help but think of the conversation you had earlier. Mrs. Jeon was right. In order to protect the relationship, you would have to tell him the truth.

Coincidentally, the bells on the door suddenly rung and when you looked up, there he was. Seeing him standing there brought a sense of ease and you couldn’t help the smile that had slowly appeared. Wasting no time, you walked over and right into his arms, throwing your head into his chest and inhaling his cologne.

“Well hello to you too.” He chuckled wrapping his arms around you.

“I’m sorry. I just... miss you.” When you looked up at him, he gave you a quick kiss on the lips.

“Are you ready to go?”

“Almost,” you stated, breaking away from him to finish tidying the shop which only took a few minutes. After putting everything away, you ushered Yoongi out of the door and locked up. “There! Now I’m ready to go.”

Yoongi took your hand in his and walked to your car. Usually when he would pick you up from work, he’d always drive his car but when he asked for your keys, it had left you a bit confused.

“I had my car sent back so you wouldn’t have to leave yours here overnight.” He stated after sensing your confusion.

After he helped you into the passenger seat, he climbed into the driver side before pulling out onto the street. He held your hand the entire car ride back to his home. It reminded you of all the times when the two of you snuck around and he did little romantic gestures that made you even crazier about him. Surprisingly enough, as you stared at him, the more you wanted to jump his bones when you made it into his bedroom.

“So... are we just going home to go to bed?” You asked seductively.

“Is that what you want?” Yoongi asked, turning his head to face you but you only shrug.

“I want whatever it is that you want.”

He smirked, turning his attention back to the road. “Then I have something planned for us that you will enjoy.”

The car pulled up in front of his house and he stepped out, helping you out of the vehicle and up to the front door. Once opened, the lights were all dimmed low added with candles to light the home. Soft sensual music filled the air along with the delicious aroma of food. Your stomach immediately growled and you hoped that your pregnancy sickness wouldn’t rear its ugly head and ruin the mood for tonight.

“I’ll give you two options,” Yoongi spoke, pulling your body into his. “I’ll let you shower and get ready for dinner or, we could eat dinner right now.”

You quickly thought it over and after realizing that you won’t be seeing him for awhile, you wanted this night to be just as memorable for him. “I’ll get dress for dinner.” You commented, walking out of his embrace and up the stairs; smiling over your shoulder.

You wanted to wear something that would immediately grab Yoongi’s attention when he saw you and you already knew what. Walking into his closet and going over to your side, you pulled out a lingerie night gown. You held it up to examine it further. Not only was the gown silk, it was also transparent and his favorite color. With the see-through panties to match, you were sure your choice of clothing would make his mouth drop.

As you showered, you could help but smile at the anticipation of his reaction. After drying off, you placed your hair in an up-do style, slipped on the gown and panties, put on light makeup which basically included mascara and lipstick, and walked out of the room. You found Yoongi sitting on one of the living room couches, talking on the phone. Of course he’d use this opportunity to work in your absence.

He didn’t see you at first but the moment his eyes landed on your person, he couldn’t tear them away. It was as if you held his attention in a trance and couldn’t help but feel giddy on the inside. This was exactly what you wanted.

“Are you ready for dinner?” You asked innocently.

“L-Let me call you back.” He stuttered, hanging up the phone immediately; not caring if the person on the other line heard him or not.

Yoongi got up and walked over to you, pulling you against him in a not so gentle way. He leaned his head down to placed soft kisses on your neck, mumbling into your skin.

“Fuck... why are you so sexy?” He asked breathing in the fragrance from your body wash. “You don’t know how crazy you make me.”

You smiled, taking your bottom lip in between your teeth. Your hands traveled down his arms and removed his hands from your ass. As much as you wanted him to touch you all over, you still wanted to see what he had planned for the evening. And if you hadn’t been the one to break away, even though you wanted nothing more than to sit on his cock, there was a chance that Yoongi would be drilling into you while you both laid on the couch.

Yoongi released a groan as he tried to get himself together. There will be plenty of time for that later; you both just had to make it through dinner which proved to be a more difficult task for him. Instead of sitting across from each other, like he usually do, Yoongi pulled his chair right alongside yours. You tried to hide your smile as much as you could but it ended up shining brightly at his behavior.

His chef walked back and forth from the kitchen, balancing several dishes on his arms and hands. Your eyes lit up at the colorful meal, wishing you could be able to eat it all. As the music continued to play in the background, you and Yoongi traded off feeding each other different entrees, telling one another how good it tastes. He would purposely leave sauce on your lip or in the corner of your mouth, just so he could lick it off which, in turned, started a heated make out session. It always ended with you breaking away to eat more food.

You ate as much as you could and by the time his chef brought out desert, you couldn’t eat anymore. If you did, you were liable to vomit it all up. You stared at the delicious looking cake, topped with strawberries and whipped cream with strawberry syrup drizzled all over.

Yoongi lathered up one of the strawberries until the sweet red syrup was dripping from the fruit. When you noticed that he wasn’t going to eat it and, instead, offer it to you, you spoke up.

“Yoongi, I don’t think I can fit anything else in my stomach.” You whined.

“Just try one.” He stated, bringing the fork closer to your mouth.

You opened wide to taste the fruit but the moment it closed, sweet liquid had escaped from the corner of your mouth, dripped down to your chin, and dropped into a trail on your chest.

“Let me see.” His deep lustful voice rung out.

Yoongi stopped you from wiping it away as he sat the fork on the plate. Helping you up by your hands and maneuvering your body, you now straddled his legs as you faced him. His hands held your hips but his eyes were trained on your chest, specifically on that red line heading down the top of your breast. Yoongi couldn’t take it anymore; you drove his insides crazy even though you didn’t do it purposely. It just shows what kind of affect you had on him.

His tongue came out and licked that trail upward, gathering the syrup on his tongue. Your head fell back so he could get any that may have gotten on your neck. Yoongi’s tongue licked over a patch of skin, taking it between his lips and sucking on it. This caused you to release a moan that felt like music to his ears. When you lowered your head, Yoongi continued feasting on his meal, licking up the last of the strawberry sauce on your chin before kissing your lips.

The kiss was rough and hot, giving off a primal feel of want. It was a fierce battle as you tried to match his intensity but the moment you were pulled up his lap and felt his hard cock under you, you melted in his embrace; letting him have his way with you. His chef had entered the room ready to ask about the dessert but found you both in a compromising situation, not that neither one of you noticed. He quickly exited and left you both to a moment of privacy.

But that moment was all Yoongi needed as he stood to his feet, holding you by your thighs so that you wouldn’t fall and when you were able to lift yourself comfortably, your legs wrapped around his waist and your arms came around his neck, your fingers running through the soft strains of his hair. Yoongi carried you through his house and upstairs to his bedroom.

The two of you fell onto the bed and the kissing picked back up where it had left off. Yoongi was on top of you, kissing you as if this was going to be his last time seeing you. He needed to make up for not being around as often as you wanted and also for his absence in the future. His tongue entered your mouth at the thought, massaging against yours. He needed to as much of you as possible, something to hold him over until he returned home.

Your hands were already gripping the bottom of his black T-shirt, easing it up his body to take off. His soft skin just felt so warm and smooth that you needed to feel more. When Yoongi felt you tugging on shirt, he broken the kiss to sit up and remove it. The two of you took the time to admire each other from different views. Yoongi stared down at you, lust in his eyes as they scanned over your body; taking in every little detail about you. You self consciously bit your lip as you watched him, his dark eyes watching your every move, you could only imagine what was going through his head as he did it. Having a man, such as a man as Yoongi, made your stomach flip at the thought of what he was going to do to you. You could see it in his eyes that you two were in for a long night and you didn’t mind one bit.

Since he was now topless, Yoongi wanted you to join him. He pulled your upper half off the bed and quickly shed you out of your night gown, leaving you in nothing but see-through panties. After you lied back down, he gave your lips a final kiss as he softly kissed down your body, mumbling sweet compliments between each one. One of your hands rested on his head, gently running your fingers through his hair while you brought your other hand to your lips, smiling and lightly biting on your finger at his words. He always knew how to make you feel special and for as long as you two been together, you couldn’t help but to blush at his small praises.

Once Yoongi reached your breasts, his tongue appeared and gently licked over each bud, hardening them before continuing to the other one. You felt his soft lips leave wet prints as he worked his way down your stomach. When Yoongi’s mouth touched your belly button, he lingered there; kissing around it. Suddenly, any lustful feelings you had were replaced with nervousness and worry. You began to shift uncomfortably but didn’t make it obvious to Yoongi, who was still focused on pleasuring you. Did he find out? Could he sense it? Could he tell? Were you starting to show? What should you do?

All of the questions you had were circling around your head. You were approaching three months and didn’t know if it was noticeable to others. To you, you looked and felt different but you weren’t sure when it came to someone else. Seeing how Yoongi was the father, you wondered if he sensed something different with your body. Fortunately for you, he didn’t dwindle in the same place for long and moved away, allowing you to relax and get back into the mood, especially when his hands gripped the band of your panties and pulled them down your legs and off. He pushed your thighs open an up, spreading your legs further apart.

Yoongi sat up and back on his knees, once again looking down at you from above. You looked unbelievably sexy, lewdly spread and vulnerable to him. He brought his fingers up to his lips to wet them on his tongue. You watched him closely, never once breaking eye contact but the moment you felt his fingers rub against your pussy, your eyes closed at the pleasure. With your focus no longer on him, Yoongi’s eyes lowered to your glistening center. He brought his bottom lip in between his teeth as he watched the tips of his fingers become wetter in your folds. Yoongi repeatedly gathered your arousal at your entrance before torturously rubbing along your lips and around your clit. Your back arched off the bed as you moaned.

“Fuck, Yoongi... are you going to torture me all night?”

He scoffed with a smirk, licking his lips. “I’m just waiting.”

When he slowly massaged your clit between his middle and index fingers, you lost your train of thought as another moan escaped your mouth instead of words. He continued to do this causing your to mumble nothing but gibberish. Getting the feeling that a Yoongi wasn’t going to stop to let you speak, you concentrated hard on what you wanted to say.

“Waiting... waiting on what?”

“On you.” He simply replied. This, of course, confused you for you had no idea what he meant. Although he spoke to you, his eyes were still planted on your lower half, watching as you begin to drip down your ass and to his comforter.

“Waiting on me to do what?”

Suddenly, his eyes met yours in a dark gaze. His fingers moved from your clit down to your entrance, making sure they were fully lubricated.

“To beg me.”

And with that being said, two of his fingers, slipped inside of you; taking notice of your tight walls. You gasped at his movements and reached down to grip his wrist as he fucked you on his fingers. The more he pumped them, the more juices he pulled from your pussy. You tried to sit up to watch him but had trouble doing so, especially when he twisted his fingers inside and was now rubbing against your sponged like button. Your hips began to roll but his other hand held onto them, controlling how much you moved.

“I’m still waiting.” Yoongi blurted out.

“...fuck.” Was the only answer you had to offer.

You knew you were in trouble when Yoongi’s eyebrow rose in the air. Your respond wasn’t enough and you both knew it. With his fingers still deep inside you, he added a third and then leaned forward to take your clit in between his lips. You were thrown off guard but your legs easily rested over his shoulders. Both of your hands went to his head, tightly gripping his dark hair to possibly control his movements but it proves to be futile. His mouth created pulsating pressure to you clit as he sucked on the upper half of your pussy, adding the pressure from his fingers had you racing to your impending orgasm.

“Shit, Yoongi!... fuck!” You squealed.

Your stomach tightened and you were almost there but just as quick as your orgasm neared, it disappeared as Yoongi removed his hand and mouth from your body. He returned to his previous position, sitting up on his knees and you joined him, leaning up on your arms.

“What the fuck was that?” You asked bitterly, not hiding your frustration.

“That was me giving you what you wanted.” He licked his lips, maneuvering on the bed.

“But you didn’t give me what I wanted!”

“And neither did you.” He quickly shot back. Your head fell back as you released a sigh at the ceiling. You weren’t in the mood for games. All you wanted was to come which he was preventing.

Sucking up your ego, you sat up to rub his arms. “I’m sorry, baby. You know I want to make you happy. You were just making me feel so good that I couldn’t talk. So please, Yoongi... please make me come.” You stared into his eyes before moving to kiss his neck. “Please, baby? I need you so bad...”

Yoongi’s hand came in between the two of you and pushed you back onto the bed. You watched him remove the last bit of clothing, staring at his solid member. Turning you on your side, Yoongi gotten behind you and you immediately knew what to do. Holding onto the underside of your thigh, you lifted your leg in the air as he guided his cock between your folds and into your pussy. Your head fell back on top of his arm as it curled, bringing you closer. Once you both were settled into the position, Yoongi removed his hand and you lowered your leg to match your other. His hand gently turned your head where you both met in sensual kiss. It was nothing like before. This was soft and gentle, expressing the love you both shared between each other.

Yoongi’s hips slowly moved, massaging your walls with his shaft. You moaned into his mouth which made his thrusts become longer. He broke away to kiss and nibble on your shoulder. Your hand came up to hold the back of his head for support when his hand rested on your hips to help rock you on his cock. Yoongi pulled away from you briefly to watch his cock disappear and reappear which made him even harder. Your pussy had his dick covered in juices and the sound of him fucking you was like music to his ears. If only he didn’t have to leave in a couple hours, he would have kept you up all night making love to you then holding you as you both slept the day away.

Halfway through the love making, he wanted more; he needed more. His thrusts increased and so did his hold on you. One arm came across your chest, resting his hand on your throat while the other eased your legs apart, holding one up in the air. This allowed him to fuck you faster and harder.

“Keep your leg up.” He whispered in your ear, moving the arm under you down to toy with your clit.

“Yoon-Yoongi...” you moaned out his name. He hummed in approval as he nibbles on your earlobe.

“I fucking love the way you moan for me, y/n. I’ll miss this voice while I’m away. I’ll have to call you just to hear you say my name, maybe even stroke my cock to it.”

His admission fueled the passion inside of him as his ministrations became quicker. You held onto his arm, bracing yourself as his cock slid deeper in your channel. Your leg was becoming tired but you didn’t dare lower it just in case there were consequences if you did. Besides, the pleasure Yoongi was feeding your body was enough to distract you from any discomfort you were also feeling.

His fingers were rolling your clit between them and the orgasm that had escaped before had now returned and was approaching rather quickly than you expected.

“I...” you began to say but were unable to finish.

“You’re ready to come, aren’t you baby?” He groaned in your ear after he felt your walls close in around him.

You could do nothing but nod in response. Whether you or him want to or not, you came hard, freezing in place as your muscles spazzed and tightly gripped his cock. Choosing not to fight it, he let your pussy milk him dry of his nut.

You both remained frozen in place as nothing but deep breathing could be heard in the room. Your leg came down and the two of you shared one last passionate kiss before unknowingly falling asleep in each other’s arms for the remainder of the night.

~~~

A woman with long dark hair appeared out of nowhere and stood by as you and Yoongi enjoyed the scenery. He was the one who noticed her first as he turned to face her. You held onto his arm, watching as the two of them had a stare off. An uncomfortable feeling came over you when you tried to speak but nothing came out. This caused a smile slowly appeared on the woman’s face. Yoongi walked towards her, breaking the hold you had on his arm.

You wanted to go after him but you were rooted in place, unable to do so. He suddenly disappeared out of view, leaving you and the woman to stare at each other. For some odd reason, her face became blurred from your view as nothing but her lips was the only thing that was visible. Her mouth opened and your entire world began to crumble and fall apart. Blood poured from her mouth, spilling out in a nonstop fashion like a broken faucet. The ground crumbled below your feet and with nothing to hold onto, you fell into the black pits of the unknown.

You quickly sat up, throwing yourself from your dream. The dark blue sky told you the time and Yoongi’s empty spot in bed was growing colder. Coming to your senses, you heard talking downstairs and realized he was still there. Taking a deep breath and rubbing your face, you thought back to your dream and what it could possibly mean. It scared you when he disappeared and it made you realize that you didn’t want him to go, you were scared of him leaving. The thought had you feeling the effects of your morning sickness which was starting to take over.

“What are you doing up?” He asked in surprise as he came back into the bedroom.

You swallowed down the bile, threatening to erupt from your mouth and answered as steady as you could. “Do you expect me to still be asleep instead of seeing you off?”

“Well yeah,” Yoongi chuckled, but as he stared into your face, he could tell that something was wrong. “Are you okay? Are you feeling sick again?”

You shook your head. “I’m fine, probably still just a bit sleepy.”

Yoongi smiled and gave you kiss on the lips. “You don’t have to get up, you know.”

“But I want to.” You replied, holding onto his shirt. In actuality, you honestly didn’t want him to go. You didn’t want to go one day without seeing him, let alone weeks and didn’t know how you would manage but you kept it all hidden, not knowing how to tell him.

You slipped on a robe and followed Yoongi down the stairs and out of the front door. Namjoon, Hoseok, and Jimin were all there, waiting by a large black suv. As his butler loaded in his suitcases, Yoongi said his final goodbye. You held him close, nesting your face in the crevice of his neck. It wasn’t long before he felt something wet and pulled away. He cupped your face with both hands, using his thumbs to wipe away your tears. You could see the worry painted over his features but you put on a front and tried to smile behind your pain.

“I’ll miss you... so much.” You stated. This time, Yoongi kissed you more passionately, breaking away to smile.

“I’ll be back before you know it, okay?” You nodded, holding onto his wrists. “Just make sure you take care of yourself.”

“I will.”

The two of you hug one final time before you had to let him go, watching him walk away. You waved to Namjoon and Hoseok before they got into the car. Before he gotten in, Yoongi pulled Jimin to the side to speak with him briefly.

“Make sure everything is running smoothly while I’m away.”

“You don’t even have to worry.” Jimin stated in a joking manner. “I’ll take care of everything.”

“One more thing.”

“Shoot.”

“Y/n hasn’t been feeling well lately. Do me a favor and keep an eye on her for me; you’re the only one I trust.”

“Not a problem. You just make sure you go and come back in one piece.”

Yoongi nodded, glancing in your direction one last time before getting into the car. Jimin walked over and stood by your side as you both watched the vehicle leave the property before disappearing around the corner. Neither one of you said a word as the dark blue sky began to brighten in the early morning.

You had as much as this as you could take before you rushed inside to the nearest bathroom. The sudden act caught Jimin by surprise as he followed behind, only to find you huddled over a toilet, throwing up the contents of last night’s dinner.

He reached for a towel, wet it under cool water and placed it on the back of your neck. Although the towel did cool you down a bit, it did nothing to ease the morning sickness you were suffering from. He didn’t say a word as you slowly stood to your feet going to the sink to rinse your mouth. Jimin lightly guided you by your waist to the living room couch. Once there, he left to get you a glass of water. When he came back, he found you hunched over with your head resting in your hands.

“Here, drink this.” He offered the glass to you.

You sniffed, lifting your head and hand to take it. “Thanks.”

Jimin took a seat next to you, watching as you took a couple sips before sitting it down on the table. He studied your every move like he always does. He knew something was wrong but he wondered if you would tell him if he asked.

“How long have you been sick?”

“For a couple days now,” You mumbled before looking at him. “Why?”

Jimin shrugged. “No reason,” but there was a reason. “Are you usually sick in the mornings?”

“Sometimes.” You stated, holding Jimin’s gaze.

“I’m no doctor but it sounds like-“

“I know what it sounds like, Jimin, and I appreciate the concern but I don’t really want to talk about it right now.”

“Okay,” He held his hands up in defeat but before he ended the conversation, he added one last thing. “I guess I should ask the child you’re carrying since its mother doesn’t want to talk.”

Your eyes went wide, never guessing Jimin would actually figure out that you were pregnant but you should have known better. He was smart and cunning and you had underestimated him. As he went to stand, you grabbed his arm, holding him in place.

“Jimin, wait!” You panicked. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been so snappy but please don’t tell Yoongi.”

He sat back down, closer this time to comfort you as you became visibly upset. “Why doesn’t he know?”

You sniff, wiping the tears from your eyes. “I’m going to tell him eventually. It’s just that...” you went silent as you tried to figure out a way to phrase it so that he understood.

“You know, Yoongi is pretty worried about you.” Jimin added.

“I know he is.” You mumbled, thinking back on just a moment ago. You could see it in his eyes that Yoongi was worried and didn’t want to leave you. It even showed in his movements as he dragged out his hugs and kisses. “I’ll tell him what’s going on but you have to promise me not to say anything.”

Jimin smiled. “We are friends, y/n. You don’t have to worry.”

A sudden call from Jimin’s phone interrupted you both as he answered. He listened closely and you tried to do the same but couldn’t make out what the other person on the line was saying. When he jumped up to leave, you quickly followed behind; suddenly not wanting to be left alone. He ended the call seconds later and your curiosity took over.

“What’s going on? Who was that?” You asked.

“Ujin... something’s come up and I’m afraid I have to go.”

“Is everything okay? Is it something with Yoongi?”

“No, he’s fine. It’s just something I have to take care of.”

“But!-“ you wanted him to stay but couldn’t bring yourself to say it. Sensing your hesitation, Jimin offered you a soft smile, putting his hand on your shoulder.

“I’ll be back later tonight to check on you before you go to bed.”

“Okay.”

You had no choice but to watch Jimin walk out of the front door, down the pathway, and get into his car. He drove off, watching your figure in the review mirror until he disappeared off the property. He couldn’t bring himself to tell you that one of Yoongi’s warehouses was just broken into. He was sure that Yoongi didn’t want you involved with his business and he also didn’t want to give you a reason to worry more.

The sight of Jimin’s car was replaced with another as a car pulled onto the property. You felt a sense of relief when his chef had gotten out and had met you at the door.

“What are you doing here? I thought you only came when Yoongi was here?” You questioned.

“I do but then I realized that you’re still here and must be starving,” he smiled. “How about breakfast?”

You followed him into the house and ended up chatting the morning away as the two of you ate before you showered and dressed for work.

~~~~~

Jimin had arrived to the warehouse, only to find it engulfed in flames. The sparks and other sounds from the fire, roared in the wind. Thick black cloud of smoke flowed into the air alerting anyone nearby, what was going on. Jimin had no choice but to call for the fire department. If he was lucky, maybe the damages weren’t as bad as it looked.

He stood by, leaning against his car as he watched countless firemen try to control the blaze. This didn’t look good. First the missing shipment and now the fire to his warehouse. Jimin figured that someone was targeting them, more specifically: Yoongi.

The first time they struck, they made sure he was distracted and away from the docks. The second time, they waited until Yoongi left town; almost as if they were watching him. Jimin’s eyebrows knitted into his forehead as he continued deeper into his thoughts. Could it be like before? Was the police after him again? And why?

Ujin ended his phone call and walked back over to Jimin, leaning in to whisper in his ear and out of earshot of others. “Master Jimin, I just gotten word that the fire started early this morning, perhaps around the exact time Min Yoongi boarded his jet. Apparently, he was supposed to see the smoke and land the plane.”

Jimin nodded. “Is there any kind of surveillance of the incident?”

“If it is, it went up in flames along with everything else inside.”

Jimin turned his focus back to burnt building, nothing but debris and light smoke remained in its wake. This was supposed to get Yoongi’s attention, why? What would have happened if he seen the fire, landed the plane, and investigated?

57 notes · View notes