#dean who doesnt think he deserves to be loved and

[cthulhum]

[flugame-mp3]

SEASON NINE FINALE WAS WILD. I HAVE MANY MANY THOUGHTS. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. A FUCKING ROLLER COASTER FOR SURE

[babyboywinchester]

hi its me the fuck or die anon lmao. i had more thoughts

despite all of sams planning, winchester luck meant everything had to go horribly horribly wrong.

the curse hits dean.

dean, the self sacrificing martyr of a man refuses to let sam touch him. sam pleads with him. you would do it for me. dont be fucking stupid. im not going to let you die. let me protect you for once, goddamnit!

and dean says that was never sams job. it was always deans job to keep sammy safe. its in his DNA and its his lifes purpose. dean isnt about to let some curse fuck them up and allow sam to get hurt without a fight. he needs to keep his baby brother safe from having to do something that he couldnt properly consent to. dean fucked up by getting cursed. he made a mistake and he wont let it become his brothers responsibility.

dean cant fathom that sam could actually want it. dean knows he never deserved being wanted by someone as pure and good as sam. dean is fucked up. sammy is his baby brother. hes the boy he raised, grew alongside, mothered, and brothered and still dean has the audacity to crave MORE. he is a monster who cant be satisfied with all of the levels of connection they already have. greed knows nothing about the desire, the need dean has for sam. dean had heard all about the seven deadly sins from pastor jim, but this surpasses anything religion could explain. he is a parasite. his fucked up psyche loves sam to such a degree that there is no boundary he doesnt want to cross. there has never been anyone but sam. dean cant live without him… but sam can live without dean. sam can have a normal life. the life he always should have had.

so sam is left with a choice. he could confess his feelings but he knows dean wouldnt believe it. he would just think sam is trying to convince him of a lie just to save his life.

sam could force it. sam could do the unthinkable to save his family, feelings be damned. cold calloused motions to do what needs to be done. he feels a new sense of connection and understanding for john winchester, and it sinks like hot tar in his gut, leaving him nauseous. for all that sam has hated his father, he always knew he did everything to keep them alive. sam could never deny that his father did what he thought he had to do. its unbridled selfishness, and sam is chilled at the realization that this path would feel freeing.

sam could say fuck it and confess his intentions all along. he could show dean his careful, premeditated plans to coerce this from dean on himself. he could try to explain it was all supposed to be guilt free. the irony isnt lost on him that no matter what the outcome of this is, sam is never going to forgive himself for being so stupid. for doing this to dean.

the only comfort sam has is that it wont come to the last option. he wont let dean die. its not even on his list of possibilities. sam did this to them and he will see it through one way or another. dean will live.

sam has never felt more unclean in his life. and now he knows he has earned it. he doesnt have to wonder anymore about what the evil is that lurks within him. today he found out. sam thinks about how he should feel horrified as he embraces it with open arms to rectify his greatest mistake

Nothing to add to this. It’s good as is.

[adidegmez]

spn s6 spoilers

I know there are many spelling mistakes in the text. but I wanted to share anyways. If I don't forget, I'll make arrangements tomorrow.

s6 ep1(exile on main st.)

hi dean😁. dean is happy. he is living a normal life. we entered with a happy music. everything will go bad, right? his old habits won't leave him. he is still running into danger. sam and samuel is back that is a good thing but i think bad guys are behind this.

s6 ep2(two and a half men)

i love soft dean. i love him no matter what. he would've made a great father. i still can't trust campbells and sam(a little). lisa understands dean and i love her for this.

s6 ep3(the third man)

btw what happened to the father shapeshifter. I thought they would catch him in this ep. I love teleportation. Dean's reactions to the teleportation are very funny.

s6 ep4(weekend at bobby's)

i love seeing bobby. i missed seeing dean but i really loved this ep. i am glad bobby got out.

s6 ep5(live free or twihard)

sam let the vampire turn dean into a vampire. why sam? he litterally watched it. sam isn't sam. he is different. he let his brother turn into a monster. idc if there is a cure what if he drank blood dean wouldn't drink i know he would rather die than drink. which he did. but how could sam do that. dean could never be a monster. even if no one stops him he'll stop himself. i am glad dean learned what sam did. he doesnt know why he did it neither do we but its good that he knows he cant trust him. no dean you can't trust sammy. he isn not the sam we know and love. either he changed or he is not the real sam. either way he is not the person he used to be and we cannot trust him. and sam and samuels deals are different. samuel hid djin from winchesters. and samuel doesnt know whats up with sam. It may have been the same person who brought them back, but I think something different must've happened afterwards.

s6 ep6(you can't handle the truth)

dean couldn't handle the truth. did sam deserved the beating i dont know. he is different but even if he cant feel anything i think he must know what is wrong and what is right. he really let dean be a monster. i dont know how he can redeem himself. i hope he can, really. but i dont know how he can after all af this. and what is sam if he is not human? the goddess of truth couldn't have lied.

s6 ep7(family matters)

what do you mean his soul is gone cas? Sam is lying, again. i know he cant feel but he must know the difference in right and wrong. i love crowley some times but most of the time i want him dead.

s6 ep8(all dogs go to heaven)

sam really doesn't has a soul. he makes logical choices. but they need emotions sometimes.🤷🏻‍♀

s6 ep9(clap your hands if you believe…)

aliens, huh? is gabriel back? funny ep. i love dean's reactions. and i love sam trying to understand emotions. at least he is trying.

s6 ep10(caged heat)

when i learned about cas on the internet i thought we'd see him often in the show. but he is rarely on the show. i hope we'll see him more he is so funny. i am not sure if sam should have his soul back either. i dont think crowley is really dead. he'll come back.

s6 ep11(appointment in samarra)

sam's gone too far. he tried to kill bobby. i hope this sam will be gone for good and we can have old sam back.

s6 ep12(like a virgin)

sam might be back. it's nice to see sam care. i missed him. soulless sam wasn't sam. and i can see itin his face. the way he looked. i love jared padalecki. mother? is she Echidna from greek myth(percy jackson😁). might be🤷🏻‍♀.

s6 ep13(unforgiven)

i really missed caring sam.

s6 ep14(mannequin:3 the reckoning)

i really liked lisa and dean. and ben of course their little family was beautiful. i think dean was genuinly happy with them. i now believe sammy when he says he's got dean's back and so does dean.

s6 ep15(the french mistake)

i love balthazar. omg i didnt know this would be the ep where they go to the real world or something like that. i thought that was in later seasons. im so excited. this ep is amazing. what is wrong with the angels? they have no difference from the demons.

s6 ep16(…and then there were none)

rufus and bobby might be my favorite hunter duo after winchesters. i was really angry with sam and i didnt know if i could love him the way i did before all the bad things happened but after soulless sam i really missed old sam and i love how he cares about dean i love how he would kill anyone for dean and i love he is back. he did some bad thing but he always tried to save the world and dean. and i love him. and i really hated soulless sam. but i am glad we got soulless sam for a little while thanks to him i still love him the way i did before all the demon thing. rip rufus.

s6 ep17(my heart will go on)

ellen and jo are alive. ellen and bobby are married! they don't know about titanic. this must be a parellel universe. and i liked this universe already. [KAZ 2Y5] is back. impala is gone.

s6 ep18(frontierland)

somethings are really wrong with angels. dean can pull off any look. cas is scaring me, little bit.

s6 ep19(mommy dearest)

Jefferson starships i love dean's face when he says that. dean, you are a genious. i hope eve is really dead(probably not). cas and crowley, huh? they make a good team i guess. but this will make dean mad.

s6 ep20(the man who would be king)

cas looked at us, right? castiel brought back sam and he lied. dean will be devastaded. dean really trusts him. i would've trusted him too. dean has a point. but i saw what he did. cas lied to their faces. crowley manipulated cas. every bad thing ha ppining in spn is because of manipulative demons. first ruby then crowley. And yet a father abandons his child.

s6 ep21(let it bleed)

i knew balthazar would help. dean sad again. i wish he could just live with lisa and ben.

s6 ep22(the man who knew too much)

how could cas do that to sam? balthazar was right. he didnt have to help but he did anyways, is a good angel. cas is really changed. he broke the deal. even demons wouldnt break deals. cas why did you kill balthazar? he was just trying to help dean. you've got to be kidding me. angels and demons they always ruin everything. i really thought cas wouldnt go this far. but he did. i know some spoilers but i am not sure what they mean but cas must go back to normal. I know he will make peace with the Winchesters. hopefully soon.

i would watch new season now but i just slept 4 hours this morning so i have to sleep. I'll watch new season in the morning.

[angelwolf985]

finished watching supernatural s1-15 in 3 months! here are my opinions on the finale!

(warning: probably unintelligible, and very ranty) (+ obvious spoiler warning)

episode 18 was fuckin emaculate. genuinly. it was amazing. the one thing i didnt like about it was how it jumped about, same with 19.( i dont blame them for it tho, it makes sense with the story, i just didnt really love it.) 19 was good for the most part and served as a decent ending but was missing castiel and eileen (mention + presence) which sucked but what can you expect yk,,

episode 20. i have. so many issues with episode 20. WHY DID THEY EVEN????? LIKE TWO MENTIONS OF CAS, NO MENTION OF EILEEN, DEAN FUCKING DIEING, SAMS WIG, ???HEAVEN BEING LACKLUSTER???? it was so. just disappointing. cuz it could've been great. the end part of 20 was the only good part (jared and jensen signing off of the show). the show should've ended on 19 tbh. thats how im seeing it anyway. in my mind thats where it ended, but like, with cas and eileen back.

what i really disliked:

deans death. im pretty sure everyone hated that. and the whole like thing of him dying was really,, sorta,, weird? like; why did it go on so long?? did it happen bc he doesnt have god given plot armor anymore or was it just cuz?did jack see it? how did he feel about it? did he care or did he be all omniscient because he became god?? how did he survive that long? logistically? there was a fucking rusty rebar thing IN HIS SPINE (or like RIGHT NEXT TO IT??). WOULD THAT NOT?? PARALYZE?? OR WORSE???. and, im sorry, but i hated the forehead touch. it felt weird man. i get that they were close but,, not that close? even when they were more unhealthily codependent they wouldn't have done that. i think so anyway. i dunno. also. DEAN HAS SHOWN MULTIPLE TIMES AND IM SURE THE WRITERS WERE OVERTLY AWARE THAT DEAN DID NOT WANT TO DIE ON THE JOB. HE WANTED TO RETIRE WITH SAM AND CAS. ALWAYS WANTED THAT. he often said shit like "we're gonna die on the job, draw the short stick, thats just how it is, how its gonna end for us." (mixing quotes from the top of my head so, not exact) which he clearly thought would happen because pessimism but he NEVER wanted that. for HIMSELF or SAM. dean dying in this episode IS A CRITICAL DISSERVICE TO HIS CHARACTER.

sams mystery wife and (non mystery) child. BLURRY FACE WIFE. WHY IS SHE. WHY. also- how did he recover (seemingly) so quickly? i mean- if he really believed dean was gone FOREVER. when death hasnt meant forever in forever, how would he be so okay? idk. also, idk why, but sam having a kid seems very bizzare. could just be me. also. where tf is eileen. is she the blurry face wife? why would they do that if yes? (could be a load or reasons, either way they couldve like, said it was eileen, if it was supposed to,, idk,,,)

one or two mentions of castiel. did the writers just forget his CHARACTER IMPORTANCE?!?!? HES SO IMPORTANT TO THE STORY??? HE GRIPPED DEAN TIGHT AND RAISED HIM FROM PERDITION. HE LOVED DEAN. DEAN (INARGUABLY) LOVED HIM BACK. he (castiel) deserved SO. much better. my friend who has watched spn since she was a baby AGREES WITH ME. i GRRR I GRR I GRRR!!!! cas not being in this episode is such an aggravating disservice to his character. he deserved more. the fans deserved more.

alright im done ranting now. may add more on later. im gonna go rewatch the show and read fix it fics.

[sammy-the-boyking]

wait okay, i actually have more to say because i just rewatched the end of s4/start of s5 again. and its actually so much worse than i was remembering. because not only did sam hear that voicemail and believe that dean was fully prepared to kill him. but then dean showed up. and there had to be a moment where sam wondered who dean was gonna attack first- him or ruby. and when ruby was dead sam must have thought that was it, he was next. only dean didn't kill him. and then they were out of there and on the plane and sam must have been wondering when dean was gonna follow through on his word. except he kept not doing it. and sam must’ve thought that dean was letting him live so he could fix his mistake. except then, THEN, he tells bobby what happened. and bobby tells sam to lose his number. so after just hearing his older brother (and mother and father and protector and so much more) say he was going to kill sam, the closest thing sam ever had to a father disowns him.

(and yes i know that it was the demon talking, not bobby, and that sam learns that later and it's all okay. but that doesnt change the fact that there was a point in time where sam thought that the only two people left alive that he loved hated his guts so badly they wanted him dead/never wanted to see him again)

do you think he prayed at the church after that? do you think he begged for forgiveness from god/heaven/the universe because he knew the only two people left on earth that he cared about would never grant it to him? or maybe he didn't think he even deserved forgiveness. maybe he just prayed for penance. for a chance to right the wrongs he had done. and then a year later he throws himself into the cage with lucifer. and for a moment maybe it felt like his prayer had been answered

sometimes i remember the fact that sam literally never knew the voicemail from dean in s4 wasn’t real and i wanna scream a little bit

[givedeanhisangel]

I’m team Leave Dean The Fuck Alone

[papersniffer]

My concern with silence…

Yes maybe it is because the people on the show can’t talk about things they know…BUT there is also the dark side. The Money side. When someone has been on a show for 15years they get typecast. Harder to find other work.

Yes Jensen and Jared got work right away but it isn’t a given those jobs are going to work out...they just have jobs. People will see them as Dean and Sam for awhile…and with how shitty the finale was people aren’t to fond of them either.

Now the cast gets paid for reruns…and what happens to reruns if the show is pulled from TNT for lack of people watching it? No reruns…taken off Netflix…means no new money coming in. And what if because of protests not many new copies of the show on DVD are bought…even less money. Remember The Cosby Show when it got pulled and some of the cast had to get normal jobs because they had been living off the royalties from the reruns etc.

Not that Misha isn’t an amazing actor but I can sooo see him freaking out about the ground swell of TheySilencedYou and other such responses from us and worrying a bit about the future. The security blanket that would be the royalties from the reruns etc.

After everything going on with the last few episodes of the show I just don’t have much trust for any good motives from anyone on it. They always promised us they cared but I just don’t think anyone had the balls to truly stand up and say NO. If Jensen would have stood his ground they would have had no other choice but to fix things. He is one of the two main roles.

But once again money showed up and he had to be careful about his future too. (funny how he got a production company from Warner Brothers who own CW after agreeing to the ending.) And I 100% understand! In this crazy world nothing is a given and you have to watch your butt as much as you can. I just hate that it had to come to that after 15 years of a show that meant something.

The characters deserve better…the fans who used…emphasis on used (past tense)…the show as a comfort and an escape deserve better. I haven’t watched SPN on TNT/Netflix/CW all week since the shit show of 15x20 and sadly I have no plans to watch it again. Just seeing it listed on the guide made my stomach sick. Even the enjoyment of reading about the characters in fanfiction stopped because they turned Sam and Dean in jerks who verbally said only they mattered in the end.

Hate to tell the show but without the supporting characters to save Dean and Sam over the years they would have died years ago. And if they truly think Dean and Sam feel that way then that means for 15 years of the show those two brothers were using everyone. YUCK!

That is why the finale sucked…they tainted 15 years of messages that meant so much to us all. Family DON’T end with blood…ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING…TEAM (not just two brothers) Free Will!

And apparently they wanted us to believe not only that Jack brought back all the evil monsters that hurts those kids and families…but that Cass sat back and didn’t run down to the barn and save Dean from dying. FUCK THAT!

Now the Jack part…fine…Garth and other good monsters would not be around either (although I am sure all of them would have gladly died knowing ALL monsters were gone too)…blah…blah…blah fine…BUT CASS WOULD HAVE COME RUNNING TO SAVE DEAN.

They didn’t even call out for Jack to help! I mean come on…had it been any other season…any other episode but the last one they would have had EITHER Jack or Cass come to save Dean.

AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE SHITTING DEATH THEY GAVE DEAN FREAKIN WINCHESTER!!! SHITTY!!!!! LET HIM GO OUT LIKE A WARRIOR NOT ON A RUSTY DAMN NAIL with the evil vampire clown posse!!!

So yeah silence seems like our friend but I fear it is more about saving their own asses than caring about our feelings. In the end it is all about money and which way would hurt the product/their futures more…and in their eyes having Dean (who clearly checked out the solider and NOT the two women when he traveled back in time and hung out with Elliot Ness) being Bi and having to admit he wasn’t this straight man would cause more damage than having the balls to let him say he liked men and women.

Money…Money…Money not Morals makes the world go round. And with the whole shit-fest of the Spanish dub and Misha saying it wasn’t even scripted to end any other way for real then what happened in 15x18 and that the change was just some rouge translator screwing up (yes sadly see Facebook and Twitter where he posted a video about it)…GRR!!!

I bled for SPN! I could have told you trivia so detailed from all 15 years. I wrote about it and i knew those characters inside and out…like ALOT of us did. They took so much from us with how they ended the show. And they still refuse to acknowledge that. But then they killed every one of Charlie’s girlfriends in all dimensions so why should we really think they care about us and what they did to us?! Until the cast speak up and say differently…I just don’t believe in any of it anymore.

They ruined SPN’s legacy…no matter how they spin all this (and they will try) it will never be the same. Such a shame.

[1-800-c0sm1c]

꒰crossteaming !꒱

genshin characters as your streamer bf/gf !

character x gn!reader

includes albedo, childe, kaeya, xiao, and hu tao!

warnings : none.

a/n : these ended up being longer than i expected, so im splitting up the post a bit <3 hope you enjoy :D

ALBEDO - THE MINECRAFT YOUTUBER

albedo gives me wilbur soot vibes, minus the height.

if anyone in genshin were to join a minecraft smp just to reenact hamilton and be a jason dean kinnie, itd be albedo and im absolutely right about this.

teaches klee how to play too, his most popular stream was when they beat the ender dragon together :)

he also seems like the type to strictly use minecraft education edition, which is also totally valid because some of the recipes in there are literally so cool ???

pulls a dantdm and has his own minecraft lab and everything, doing all his silly little experiments!

“surcose, we need to sell drugs out of a van RIGHT NOW.”

when chat found out you and albedo were dating, there were two reactions.

one side was really happy for you both, the other was albedos parasocial fangirls who immediately put you on a hitlist.

seriously, if you had a dollar for everytime you were @ed in tweets about writing your name in a death note, youd have enough money to pay for every single persons therapy appointments.

youre always there to cheer him on when hes in mcc, his own little personal cheerleader :)

you show up at his office and just.. stand in front of the door, staring at him through the window. it sounds weird yes, but the shocked expression on his face is worth the wait for him to notice.

CHILDE - THE GRAND THEFT AUTO ONLINE ROLEPLAYER

“no chat i have not gone red. im just startled, thats all.”

childe is the type of fella to participate in the most wacky roleplays on gta online, and i am sticking by this headcannon.

hes done everything from a drug empire to owning his own country, nothing is off limits.

surprisingly hes a really good actor? when youre watching his streams you dont get the cringey second hand embarrassment, its just fun entertainment :D

it took his chat wayyy to long to realize how fine he is, although to be fair he did have mostly men watching him. (not like thats an excuse or anything.)

i feel hes definitely been nominated for a streamy before! whether or not you think he deserves to win is up to you though LMAO

“only a small percentage of my viewers are actually subscribed-”

childe leaked your relationship by accident once by having a tab open of your instagram while he was streaming.

when chat confronted him, he kind of just… ended stream. (real smooth.)

fans went to your instagram afterwards and saw pictures of you two together and started posting them to twitter, and childe ended up on trending because of it.

you felt indifferent to the whole thing, but childe was panicking. he didnt want to let his viewers into that part of his life just yet, but he was, scientifically speaking, caught lacking.

you dont appear on streams much, and childe still avoids allegations about your relationship entirely. its not that he doesnt want to show you off, he does! he just doesnt like having less differentiation between his online persona and his private life.

“whos instagram are you stalking…? thats gonna be all from me chat goodnight!”

KAEYA - THE VALORANT STREAMER

kaeya doesnt play valorant because hes good at it, but because its fun to mess with the fanbase.

you know THOSE vtubers who are.. weirdly sexual? kaeya is like that but he does it in a satirical way. 

likes messing with the homophobes too, but everyone still debates on what his sexuality is (kind of like jschlatt.)

definitely is problematic on twitter on purpose just to get people to talk about him, hes a little bit of an attention whore but we love him anyways <3

has never apologized for anything hes said or done EVER, and doesnt plan on it either.

“what do you mean i got canceled on twitter AGAIN? its only been 3 days!”

chat didnt believe him when he said he was in a relationship. so be dragged your ass into his room to show them.

it didnt work though, they thought you were a paid actor for the next 2 months LMAO

it got to a point where kaeya was doing literally anything on stream to convince chat, and finally you had enough.

you told him to take a break from streaming, he was way too obsessed with trying to prove something that doest matter to anybody but the two of you.

something finally clicked in his head, and after that you dont appear on camera as much anymore. for the most part people believe that you two are together, but hell still get donations joking around that they dont think youre a couple, simply because its funny.

“thank you for 200 bits! ….i am retracting my thank you.”

XIAO - THE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS PLAYER

i dont have any reason for this connection, other than it feels right.

if xiao werent a league player i would suggest smite, he just seems like hed be more into team games like that rather than overwatch or valorant.

just because hes my favorite doesnt mean im letting him off easily, league players get no rights <3 and xiao is no exception.

unironically listens to k/da as well, knows all the choreography but will literally never admit to it.

everyone in his chat has channel points stacked up to tell him to hydrate, he tends to forget when he gets really into the match.

“stream more by k/da for clear skin. no i will NOT be giving you a demo, i dont want a dmca.”

youre xiaos number one bully, and chat is always there to back you up.

when i played lol i was an ahri main, so stick with me here, its about to get real self indulgent.

youre a cosplayer, and one of your favorite ways to mess with your boyfriend is to dress up as his favorite characters. (peak s/o behavior right there.)

chat teased him heavily for his reaction, you could hear my chemical romance being blasted from the bedroom that night.

something about the cosplayer x gamer trope is just sooo <3

“you have no respect for league of legends players.” (duh - an ex league player)

HU TAO - THE DEAD BY DAYLIGHT PLAYER

when hu tao first heard about dbd i imagine she thought it would be an easy way to gain new clients, now she sticks around because its fun to terrorize people as killer, and be an absolute menace as survivor.

i think shed be a nurse main, but one of those that are insanely good at playing nurse. she wins the game in no time because her teleports are perfect. 

i can only imagine how many people have rage quit because of her.

along with dead by daylight, i see her just overall being a horror game player. lots of five nights at freddys, resident evil, etc.

shes never gotten scared on camera before, chat has tried but shes always one step ahead.

“i lied, i dont actually like sex. put your clothes back on i need to explain to you the entirety of the five nights at freddys timeline.”

hu taos favorite pastime is scaring you, she stays on top of the newest horror content specifically because of that. (oh, and its also kind of her brand. but she puts you first <3)

shed sacrifice herself in a heartbeat if youre playing dead by daylight together. she always says if at least you survive its good enough of a victory for her too.

she also has gone on record to say yall are playing the security breach dlc the day it drops. run while you still have the chance.

youve tried to convince her to tweet at shayne and ryan about being on an episode of ghost files but everytime she just suggests to play phasmophobia instead. like cmon girl those are two different things.

even thought shes trying to scare you on purpose, you know shes always got your back if something happens.

“ha look at your face! …okay okay im sorry! come here, youre fine, ive got you.”

[deancasforcutie]

#every day i want to commit stabbings #why is this reading so popular #he has been having torrid affairs with men since at MINIMUM 2004 and that's canon (via @ilarual)

#he is a (canonically) bisexual man who knows he’s bisexual. #if you don’t know how to watch things just say that #you think dean is repressed?? skill issue. #love and light but that’s the exact opposite of canon! #Dean’s whole thing is being incredibly self-aware #and that’s very obviously true about his sexuality and relationships as well #and his vibe is ‘if you think I’m straight that’s your problem not mine’ #he has been fucking men and crushing on men and breaking men’s hearts for the entirety of his adult life! #I’m sorry if you like trauma porn and repression narratives but you should maybe unpack that #because Dean’s life may be filled with a lot of trauma and angst but none of that is about him being bi. #sex with other people including men is a source of joy for him #he’s had messy relationships including with men that are so messy and emotional precisely because of the depth of feelings involved. #which informs the levels of hurt. and you think he doesn’t KNOW THAT? #Dean knows himself very well. again it’s his whole thing. #if and when he denies himself things it’s with eyes wide open. which is far more interesting if you ask me #Dean is bi #supernatural #Dean #very happy to see so many other people are also tired of the bullshit (via @charcubed)

#dean's got 99 traumas but his bisexuality aint one #also dean is the kind of person who ruminates for days he Knows who and what he likes #you cant be as self loathing as he is w/o a lot of navel gazing #dean thinks he's poison that's why he doesnt think he deserves the boys and girls he has loved #😭😭 (via @curioussubjects)

every day i see “dean is so repressed lmao he thinks he’s straight” content and every day i am so so tired.

[vminvisiblestring]

How Robert Berens Made Destiel Canon

or The Beautifully Tragic Road to Destiel

in honor of their one month anniversary, i want to talk about robert berens and how he made it his mission to make destiel canon and the care he took approaching their relationship...

i dont know if this has been pointed out before, but i was looking at the episodes bobo berens wrote when i realized something: he wrote all the significant destiel episodes in s15. i think that means he probably planned to make destiel canon long before s15 started:

he hid a love story inside the monster story. a love story told in five parts:

• initiating event

• rising action

• climax (first twist)

• falling action

• second twist (no resolution)

14x18: absence - “initiating event”

the initiating event introduces the conflict and sets events into motion in a story.

in absence, cas reveals to dean that jack might not have a soul and therefore might not know that hurting his mother was wrong. this angers dean and results in dean telling cas “youre dead to me”. this initiates a chain of events that lead their relationship to experience a tear (or rupture).

15x03: the rupture - “rising action”

the rising action is the result of a character trying to (in this case) solve a problem but a force is at conflict with the character. for every step taken, there is either a successful or failed outcome; this pattern continues all the way to the climax.

complications in dean and cas’s relationship continue to widen the distance between them into the start of season 15 with the deaths of rowena and belphagor (for which dean blames cas) culminating in the infamous “breakup” scene. cas said there was nothing left for him anymore and leaves dean.

15x08: our father who arent in heaven - “rising action”

bobo didnt write this episode but its important to the path because rowena tells dean and cas to fix their relationship in the same episode that michael sends them to purgatory (aka the place dean realized he was in love with cas all those years ago and where they fixed their relationship the first time)

15x09: the trap - ‘climax & first twist”

the climax is the most emotional part of the story and is reached when the character takes the final step to resolve their problem. this is also where the turning point of the story begins and descends to the falling action (and if there is a plot twist, it happens here).

the first twist: dean confesses first. this scene is deans confession disguised as an apology. he might lose cas and needed him to know hes sorry. the prayer scene is so important because, if we read the scene, this is in fact, an apology, but its so much more than that. dean responds to cas’s “i left but you didnt stop me” with “i should have stopped you”. this scene showed just how much dean has grown, how much he’s trying and how much he wants to be free of the anger he feels because he realized it was what separated him from the man he loves on multiple occasions. this is deans way of saying “im sorry. i didnt mean anything i said. you are the most important person in my life and i let you leave. i shouldnt have let you leave. thats my fault. im trying to get better. please tell me you’re gonna be okay. tell me this isnt the last time i’ll ever see you. please. i love you”.

dean and cas reunite near the rift but dean doesnt want to leave before telling cas something. we know it cant be the prayer because its obvious cas heard that; this is something else, but cas stops him. this scene is them making amends with each other the best way they know how: a silent knowing. the conflict has finally been resolved.

15x12: galaxy brain - “falling action”

the falling action consists of the after-effects of the climax and every event from here onward should lead to a logical conclusion.

dean and cas’s relationship is better, they seem at peace. the silent knowing is definitely there, and they both seem comfortable the way they left things. the way things are going, they’ll likely have as much a “happy” ending as a fallen angel and a hunter can have without talking about this silent knowing. we cant forget about the looming empty deal, but knowing cas will never be truly happy, it seems like dean and cas are going to be friends for a long time...

15x18: despair - “second twist”

after the falling action comes the resolution. sometimes in film and television, a surprise second twist will occur after the climax and toss the characters into another fight. the second twist is resolved quicker than the first and leads to a speedy resolution.

the second twist here, however, replaces the resolution because the story of destiel sadly and infuriatingly, never got its resolution.

i feel like bobo was told cas was going to get killed off and thats why he knew there was no way the network would allow dean to reciprocate so he did the best he could to work around the homophobia and make destiel canon as much as possible for us.

this is the most “resolution” we were given by a show we spent years watching and loving. we rooted for the characters, we fought as much for their happiness as they did themselves. and it ended up stabbing jensen, misha, bobo, other cast members, some writers and the fans in the back.

deans face here is all i have left to hold on to and thats not fair. and its not fair that after all these years this is what they did to one of the most complex love stories ever told. not only that, but dean and cas were also some of the complex characters ever put to screen. this is not a good ending for them and it never will be. not until they both get the endings they deserve, as individuals and as one. and im sorry for the pain all this mess has caused and would like nothing more than to squeeze everyone really tight and tell you it’ll be okay.

[spnshameblog]

Ich habe 8.718 Mal im Jahr 2022 etwas gepostet

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Ich habe 2.890 meiner Einträge im Jahr 2022 getaggt

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#beloved mutual. unfollowed. blocked. has me blocked. beloved mutual. who tf is that. blocked. wow your opinion on that sure has changed.

Meine Top-Einträge im Jahr 2022:

#5

Hes tiny

411 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 24. Januar 2022

#4

Literally me looking at castiel

423 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 23. April 2022

#3

I like imagining dean going "43 huh? I really am an old man now :)" and he means it in a positive way, bc he never expected to live past 30, but cas gets so OFFENDED on his behalf like "dean you are NOT old, the average life expectancy is around 80, you are barely half that age!"

And dean finds it hilariously funny so he decides to egg cas on like "no but cas, cant you see these crows feet? Also i swear i found a grey hair yesterday and my stamina isnt what it used to be..."

"Dean if this is about your sexual prowess, i can assure you-"

708 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 24. Januar 2022

#2

Personally, im fond of "dean thinks he already confessed and cas doesnt return his feelings" truthing, bc it makes both of them look like dumbasses.

Dean thinks his feelings were obvious since almost saying "i love you" in the crypt, but he thinks cas DEFINITELY knows after his prayer in the trap, so cas not saying anything back must mean hes trying to let him down easy, right? He doesnt need to explicitly state his feelings and intentions, because they must be embarrassingly obvious. Cas has to know he is loved, forgiven and wanted, the fact that he doesnt reciprocate and keeps leaving is a clear enough answer in itself.

Except, cas is kind of a tunnel visioned autism boy and he NEEDS stuff spelled out for him at least once.

So while dean is over there being an emotionally repressed bag of "if i never talk about my humiliatingly soft feelings out loud, i cant ever be rejected out loud. people just have to KNOW", we have cas going "too bad my embarrassingly soft feelings obviously arent returned, i better keep them to myself so i dont ruin the friendship i have by being greedy" and theyre both wrong and most other people can easily see that.

Cas NEEDS it said out loud, thats why his verbal confession made him so happy, the words had been choking him for ages. Meanwhile dean is visibly confused bc why now and why is cas acting like his feelings arent returned when he KNOWS that dean.... and by the time dean has processed all of it, its too late.

Them overcoming their trust issues, low self esteem and bad communication skills together is essential to me in any post-canon fix it. Dean needs to know that its ok to talk about feelings and that cas deserves the security of an actual confession and cas needs to learn that not everything has to be explicitly spelled out for it to be true and he can just trust deans love for him.

818 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 17. Juli 2022

Meine #1 des Jahres 2022

I think cas is so cute like teethclenching, stomachache, squeeze, cry cute, like i cant fucking handle it cute and idk why???

1.020 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 12. Januar 2022

Hol dir deinen Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 →

[cursedconstellation]

finale was the best , that’s how show started and ended with brothers . Jensen said finale is his favourite and Jared said the same . J2 are the best

Umm... purple goats are always eating my television. 

The Mars Rover is made out of Fruit Loops.

Donald Trump was the greatest president ever. 

I hate chocolate.... and I love refried beans.

And while we're listing all the other ridiculous things that AREN'T true, I think you should DEFINITELY keep messaging me all your belittling hate. It's DEFINITELY NOT A WASTE OF TIME AT ALL. 

[artreider]

Station 19 rewatch: 4x14

Going to try to do another rewatch before my family wakes up. We have a lot to do today and there is a dark cloud over the house after loaing our cat this week. Here's hoping i can get through one of my favorite episodes before they get up.

Surrera is so cute here and the whole food thing, like girl where is our payoff on this baby that was so clearly teased. Or is there another medical condition that could be blamed on her excessive eating.

Im so glad maya and andy are friends again. I loge their friendship.

I'm glad andy acknowledges that getting married doesnt fix things; but i worry that if maya and carina hit a rough patch, andy will remind maya of this conversation or use her own issues with sullivan and their marriage as an i told you so.

Danielle is beautiful but does anyone else think she lost weight, random question but just looking at her in her uniform there she seems smaller and it worries me. Didnt really notice last time i watched this episode but am i alone in this.

Oh carina baby you so dont want to go. I just want to hug you.

Jack is so cute, he deserves a family so much but i really do fear he'll be killed off.

Im surprised ben reached out to Sullivan instead of dean.

I love this outfit on maya. Carina your girl is flirting with you and thinking of happier times, engage with her.

I love that maya opens up with carina about her dad and the protests and the happenings in the world with him. It shows so much growth and im here for it. Also anyone else annoyed that one carina answered gabriella's phone call when maya is opening up to her and two that she didnt turn it off for their last few hours together.

The look of like disappointment/devestation on maya's face when carina answers the call and walks away from her is too much hurt.

So sad that bailey isnt there and that ben is alone for even a second of this.

I'm glad andy and sullivan came to be there with ben. Like i get why they wanted andy but im sad after ben and Dean's episode dean wasnt there.

Oh jack, i dont even know what to say besides oh jack lol.

The drama with trash girl is too much lmao. I know its important for jack/inara but its just too much.

Carina packing up her knives being a trigger for maya like she's leaving forever is heartbreaking.

Carina snapping at maya hurts, dont be mean to baby. Also the kitchen sign is totally carina's doing and though she hadnt confided in maya yet that she is her home its a dead giveaway.

I really need screen grabs of the changing words on the sign.

The kids talk, the coming out talk and the marriage talk are all things that should not be done while packing or doing anything else.

Wait it totally sounded like she said "it felt pregnant" lmao or i just have babies on the brain.

Now carina being flirty and maya not reciprocating.

Maya you shouldve pushed the marriage talk now if it was what you really wanted. Instead of letting carina drop the i never wanted to get married bomb and walk away.

Andy and ben together, this friendship is beautiful. I feel like it took several seasons for ben to really get in good the team. Im trying to think of other moments besides the prt support and such when he really connected with folks before this season and none come to mind. He has been an outlier from my memory, tell me im wrong with examples please.

Lmao "you slept with my wife which means we are in a pod", things a pandemic makes funny.

Thats just wrong, giving gibson shit still. Dont hit the puppy with the newspaper when he's doing nothing wrong.

Once again with gabriella, seriously carina turn off your phone and be present with maya and maya alone.

Maya's jealousy is everything. This argument ugh, so good and just the tip of the iceberg.

I hope that maya does take the month break and the months after to really get to know the us immigration system and what it will take for carina to become an american citizen as well as learn more italian. I dont need her fluent but id love to see her use some italian with carina. She lost her brother who she spoke to in her native tongue itd be nice for her to gain that in her wife.

I love how carina stops herself as she raises her voice at maya, like she realizes it may be triggering to maya. I really do think the show and actresses put in a lot in this episode to show how well they know each other and have grown. I feel like they talk more even if we dont see it and maya is working on her issues with carina's love and support. I also do love how this argument ends though ;)

Once again maya opening up and finally carina is there and not sidetracked. And its nice carina opens up as well.

Ben's dream with the different versions of himself and his mom is funny and heartbreaking.

Joey in the dream lmao.

The nice thing about ben is if he gets hurt on the job and cant be a firefighter anymore he has other professions to fall back on.

Oh jack. I just want you to get your happy ending.

I still think its so weird to be talking about jack after they had sex but im glad they are in a place that is so comfortable and can laugh about him.

Once again another bomb dropped, kids. This is something that needs to be discussed properly.

Oh maya dont drop the marriage bomb like that. And i guess i dont underatand the outrage of the "just because", like why would carina think it was anything but that when it was dropped on her like that and after she said she didnt want to get married. This fight is so much about misunderstandings and hurtful comments.

I get how maya's fear gets the best of her here especially after carina said they just moved in together because they didnt want to be apart (asif that is a bad thing) and it was bureaucracy.

And i can understand why maya's fear hurts carina but they both needed to take a minute to breathe and try to talk it out.

I do like when carina tells maya to breathe, again like she knows her triggers and feels maya is on the verge of a panic attack.

If carina felt she married maya when she moved in i really dont see the harm in making it official. Would her having been moved out in italy for 6 months or more have felt like a divorce. I really need to know more about her logic here.

I agree why not just do it.

You've both said enough carina. I hate that she just walks away, so un carina like.

How did jack end up at the hospital? Was he called or what?

Andy is such a good friend this episode, checking on everyone.

Gabriella is so right noone wants to be proposed to the way maya kind of did. Like i cant help but wonder how carina would've taken a true proposal.

Im so glad gabriella spoke some truth to carina and turned her around on the marriage idea.

If we let the wrong decisionss rule how we live our lives things in the world would be so different. Less babies possibly and fewer marriages among other things.

Once again andy being a good friend this episode.

If carina hadnt shown up im curious what maya's next move wouldve been after talking to andy.

Love the proposal and love how its carina who announces they are getting married.

[deansawthetvglow]

dean so sweet little freckles green eyes all snarky and funny and so smart and never feeling like it never feeling good enough and never feeling worthy and being scared that even his brother, who he raised, who he gave so much for, wouldn’t accept him anymore and dean trying to come to terms with himself and dean sacrificing himself to save his brother but not feeling bad about it because he thinks he deserves it because he has to find a way to pay his father back and not seeing anything wrong with that and dean just not understanding why he deserves to be saved and dean not understanding why an angel would love him so unconditionally and dean giving up so much for the way he fiercely loves and dean loving and loving and loving and feeling like he doesnt deserve it in return and his stupid fruity little boots and his cowboy fetish and his big win being the angel who saved him all those years ago, who kept saving him, and who told him he loves him and told dean that he is not who his father told him he is and then leaving and being swallowed by the empty and dean breaking down and getting back up and trying so hard to be strong and saying ‘that’s not who i am’ and him finding comfort in a lil dog and finding purpose in caring for him and then dean being okay with dying and dean not expecting it to be that day and just not wanting to be alone just wanting someone to stay for once in his god damn life to stay

[bippityboppitybibuck]

lil birthday ficlet in honour of Jack turning four, set after 15x19, the finale doesn’t exist, Cas is back from the empty (Jack brought him back), Jack zapped himself into a preschooler after the whole saving of the world thing was over with and now he gets a dinosauor themed birthday party. wc:1100

Dean’s hiding in the pantry when Cas finds him. Head down, practically on his knees on the tile, he paints himself into a stark contrast from the fearless hunter he spent his life growing into.

“Dean, what on earth are you doing in here?” Cas asks, confused.

Dean’s not exactly jumping at the chance to lay it all out there so he shrugs and stumbles through a reply. “Just grabbing some supplies, the party’s really getting going. Wouldn't wanna run out.” He doesnt turn around, and Cas doesn’t make him.

“Dean, everything we need for the party is on the counter. Sam did all of that hours ago. What’s really going on?” His tone’s gone so gentle it grates against Dean like more force than should be possible. That anger he’s so used to rumbles just below the surface, and he wants to reach for it because it’s easy, it’s safe, it's comfortable, but Cas used his dying moments to tell him that he was wrong about himself and he’s been trying desperately for that not to all have been in vain.

“He’s four.”

“I know, it’s hard to believe isn’t it? So many years gone by so quickly,” Cas says almost wistfully. Dean barely hears him.

“He’s four and he’s so little and he needs us so much, and he gets nightmares about the wars he’s had to fight while he’s wearing damn footie pajamas. He’s four.” Dean turns then, sitting down against the shelves with his hands propped on his bent knees, he doesn’t look Cas in the eye.

“Are you thinking about your childhood?” Cas asks as he joins Dean on the floor. They face the same direction, Dean’s glad for it, less pressure to look at Cas.

He scoffs, neither mention how wet it sounds. “We lost Mom when I was four, Dad started carting us all across the country when I was as little as Jack. And I can’t stop thinking, why didn’t he love me enough to take care of me. Why did he turn me into a soldier, why didn’t I get to have the birthday parties and school trips and playtime at the park where I ran screaming from girls because they had cooties. Why couldn’t he look at me and see the same thing I see when I look at Jack? But then I think: how different was I really from him?”

“Dean you can’t-” Cas starts.

“Cas don’t give me that shit. I turned that kid into a soldier the second I could. Sure he looked like a college freshman but he was days old, and I didn't hesitate to use him like my old man used me. But now, now I look at him and that ridiculous gap in his front teeth and how he’s a fucking magnet for stains and I don’t understand how my dad could have seen me like that and decided that I didn’t deserve a childhood.

“Y’know, I read my dad’s old journal. Read it like it was a fucking bible. Seventeen days after Mom died, I watched my dad put a bullet in a shifter’s head, and that was just the start. He felt bad, after I saw that, but it wasn't enough to make him stop.” Dean feels his throat constrict around itself, some scars never fade.

“Dean you are not your father. And I don’t know about Jack but I do not fault you for your actions. Jack aged himself up because he knew the world wasn’t safe, he knew that he needed to be able to fight. As horrible as it sounds, Jack knew his purpose before he was born. Had you and Sam not been there for him Jack would have been lost, easily found by the angels who wanted him dead or the demons who wanted to corrupt him. The fact that you look at him now, now that he’s aged himself down to an average human four year old, and can’t fathom raising him the way you were, proves that you couldn't be farther from your father. You are a good man Dean, despite all the hell that's befallen you. And you did not deserve the life you had or the pain you’ve suffered.” There's such a vehemence in Cas’ voice. It doesn't get rid of the pain in his chest, but it lifts it a little.

They sit in silence for long stretches, the sounds of the party just barely filtering into the small space.

“Kelly would have loved to see him like this,” Dean says eventually, smiling a little. Cas takes the topic change in stride because he’s just good to Dean like that.

“She really would have. To know that Jack brought forth peace like she was told he would, and then to have him get to live a child's life too. It's more than I think she ever could have hoped for for him.”

Cas fidgets beside him as they sit in silence again. Like there's something about that day he knows they aren't talking about. It's not hard to figure out what after talking about Kelly.

“Y’know the hardest thing about that day was losing you,” Dean confesses quietly.

Cas looks at him with his brow drawn down, almost as though he hadn’t expected Dean to remember that in the same moments Jack was born he had to watch Cas die.  

“Mary fell into an alternate dimension with Lucifer and you ended up with an adult infant, Dean, don’t be absurd.”

“I’m not Cas, I know that I didn't give you some big speech when we got you back… well any of the times we got you back but you gotta know that it messed me up. Jesus you seriously don't know how much I need you just to function like a normal person. Sam can attest to it Cas. You die and he mourns, sure, but I lose it. I'm sorry I never showed you how much you meant to me back then.”

“It’s alright, you show me enough now. Now come on, it’s definitely not fair for us to leave Sam and Eileen alone with all the party duties.” Cas stands and holds out a hand for Dean to grab. Even after he’s securely on two legs Dean doesn't let Cas’ hand go. 

“Let's go see the birthday boy.”

They aren't outside a minute before Jack runs up to them, his wide sticky smile, painted into a dinosaur Dean couldn’t name if his life depended on it, directed right at the two of them rambling on about the bouncy house and his friends from the neighbourhood and the cotton candy machine Dean wasn’t able to talk Cas and Jack out of booking. 

He’s small and vulnerable and happy and he’s four and even though he knows the pain Dean knows, he’ll never have to experience it again. Dean vows to make sure of that.