#dean is only alive because she think of him as the butler
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klbwriting · 10 months ago
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Our Strange Duet
Chapter 5: One Step
Fandom: Red Hood
Pairing: Jason Todd x f!reader
Warnings: none, unless shitty dad Bruce is a warning
Summary: YN confronts Bruce while Jason runs away
Taglist: @deans-spinster-witch
One step at a time - Anastasia
               YN avoided looking at the cast list Sunday, instead choosing to ignore the email she received.  Speaking with Bruce Wayne was more important at the moment.  She had so many questions.  Why her mother?  Why give them money and send them away?  Why not just talk to Jason?  He had to know that he was alive now, between the video and now Red Hood stalking the streets more openly, with Nightwing by his side most nights, he had to know that his older sons were working together, so why not approach them?  She was getting answers today, right from the source.  Well, she hoped so at least as she arrived at the gate, pressing the buzzer.  A voice cracked over the speaker asking for her name and if she had an appointment.  She gave her name only and waited. 
Just when she thought the gate wasn’t going to budge it creaked open and she climbed the hill, entering the grounds of Wayne Manor.  She looked around, trying to imagine what it must have been like for Jason, a ten-year-old, to be brought here to live.  He could play anywhere he wanted, run his energy off for hours on a beautiful lawn, there was probably a pool and tennis courts, maybe a full-fledged playground somewhere.  The woods surrounding the property contained hours of exploring potential and she almost laughed, thinking about Dick and Jason in the trees, doing flips and trying to show off for each other.  How strange it must have been for Jason to wake up and realize that this was all gone, that Bruce had pretty much abandoned him to his fate.  She wondered if Jason ever drove by the manor and remembered his childhood.  Were the memories nice?  Or sour in his stomach now?
The front door was already open when YN got there, the butler, Alfred, standing there to greet her.  He took her bag, setting it on a side table before leading her into a sitting room off the main hall.  Once again, she was struck by the home, imaging Jason there, getting into trouble.  She almost smiled a little, then became sad. The look in his eyes the few times he had talked about this place, he was ruined by this place, by what he had lost.  She was heartbroken until Bruce Wayne walked in, then she just felt anger.
“I see you have figured out who the donor was,” Bruce began, moving to sit in a chair, motioning for her to sit in another one.  She sat down, eyes narrowed at him.  “I wasn’t expecting you to be so angry.”
“I’m not angry about the money,” she said.  “But I will no longer accept it.  And the apartment, I have already packed and told them I will be breaking the lease.  You can cover the cost of that, I don’t want it.”  He looked surprised, then annoyed.
“You need a place to live while you study.  That grant will only cover tuition,” he said.  She shrugged. 
“I’ll move in with Jason and Dick then,” she said.  The name Jason seemed to slap Bruce in the face.  He went from looking displeased to haunted before masking again.  “I already lied to him about where the apartment came from, I’ll come clean now that I know that you were supplying it.  I don’t want your money, Bruce Wayne.  I have enough deadbeat dads in my life, I don’t want to be indebted to one.”
“I am not…” Bruce started but she held up a hand.
“Why haven’t you tried to talk to him?” she asked, one hand clenching on the arm of the chair, the other a fist in her lap.  She wanted to scream at Bruce, tell him how much damage he did, how much Jason hurt because of him, but she wouldn’t, let him explain himself. 
“If he wanted to see me, he would come to me,” Bruce answered as if that were the end of it.  YN scoffed.  How idiotic were rich men that they just expected everyone to bend to them.
“You’re the parent Bruce, not Jason.  You should seek him out, you should have sought him out when he died, like Dick did, brought him back, like Dick did,” she said.  “The more you avoid him, the more you ignore him, the less likely it is he will come to you.”
“He was supposed to be here today, not you,” Bruce said cooly.  YN glared at him.  “He would find out about me being the donor and then come confront me.  Not you.”  She stared; glad she had gotten out of that apartment now.  He must have bugged it, hoping to spy.  How boring his summer must have been as she had just sat in her room, spending the days either trying to distract herself or just letting herself sob.  YN stood and shook her head.
“I’ll let him know when I see him next,” she said, heading towards the door, grabbing her bag and storming out.  She waited until she was a few streets away before calling Jason.  He didn’t answer, so she messaged him instead, telling him she would visit Dick’s later.  She needed to clear her head and work on finding a new place to live before it got dark out.
Jason had waited for Dick to get home from the gym and lunch with Barbara before demanding they do something together.  Something that they could talk while doing, unplugged, just them.  Dick grabbed his stuff, loaded the car and they headed into the woods to the North of the city.  It was a good day for a hike, late August, so hot but having cooled off some in the last few days.  It would probably be scorching again tomorrow, but today they could spend the early afternoon climbing the small peaks and valleys of the forest.  Jason could talk and Dick could listen, and vice versa. 
“So, what is with the hike Jay?” Dick asked after a half an hour of walking in silence, leaving Jason to his thoughts.  They weren’t great thoughts.  He kept wondering why Bruce would just abandon him, not once, but twice it felt like.  Did Dick know?  Did Bruce call him often to get updates on him?  Or did they talk, and pretend Jason wasn’t there still? 
“Did you know Bruce was the donor for YN’s mom’s treatment?” he asked.  He had to know how much Dick was hiding from him.  He was behind his brother and nearly ran into him as Dick froze on the trail.
“He…WHAT?” Dick asked, turning around to stare at him.  The surprise in his eyes wasn’t fake, that much was easy to see.  Jason let out a relieved breath.  It would have been really annoying to have to leave Dick behind too, but he could only handle so many lies and half-truths at this point.  “I honestly thought it was Maroni trying to convince her to join him.”
“She thought that too at first, but Maroni apparently was livid she left the country, no, I went to see her last night and she showed me the bank statements, the company funneling the money for her.  Plostast Holdings.”  Dick sighed and looked down.
“Ah yes, Bruce and his anagrams,” he mumbled.  “Apparently letting me pick the company name was too boring so he’s forcing names on you lesser Robins.”  Jason cocked an eyebrow and let out a bark of unamused laughter.
“Lesser Robins?  Watch it I’ll cut you right now,” Jason said, pulling out a knife and dancing it between his fingers.  Dick rolled his eyes but pulled out a knife just in case his brother felt stabby.  “So, he didn’t tell you about his scheme?”
“No, he didn’t,” Dick admitted.  Jason couldn’t tell what bothered him more, not knowing or the scheme itself.  “He must have been trying to draw you out, probably thought if you found out about it that you’d confront him.” 
“Well, he’s wrong, I’m not going to him,” Jason said, moving now to keep walking.  He started running, wanting to feel the burn in his lungs.  He didn’t stop until they reached the overlook, and he could see the city below them.  He leaned on the railing, looking over everything and hating it.  But loving it.  The conflict warred in him.  Dick caught up to him and leaned on the railing, facing away from the city.
“What are you going to do if you’re not going to him?” Dick asked.  Jason shook his head.  “He won’t come to you, remember, that’s not how Bruce operates.”
“Well then I guess we’re at an impasse,” he answered.  “YN knows it was Bruce too.  She might confront him, but that’s her own thing.”  This time Dick let out a humorless laugh.
“You think that she is going to confront him for herself?  She is going for you, so that you don’t have to,” Dick said.  “Make sure when you see her next you do something special, if she’s going after Bruce, she’s going to deserve at least some flowers.”
“We should head back to the city, I’m sure the cast list is out by now,” Jason said, ignoring Dick’s implications.  Dick let the matter slide and they headed down the trail, driving back to the city. 
Once back home Jason checked his phone.  He had a missed call from YN and a message saying she would see him later, neither thing was concerning to him.  He checked him email and shook his head.  Phantom – Jason Todd.  She was right, he was a madman again, at least this time he got a mask.  Then he noticed her name.  Music Supervisor – YN YLN.  Wow, that was a big job for a freshman.  He was about to tell Dick the news when someone knocked on the door.  He knew it was YN, only the two brothers and their girlfriends knew the door entry code, but Barbara had a key to the place.  Jason opened the door to find YN carrying a couple bags.
“Congrats on Phantom, I moved out, can I stay here tonight until I find a new place?”
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annbourbon · 1 year ago
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About Stardust
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The thing here's... I'm a fucking romantic and I've been denying it for so long it hurts to keep doing it so. For real, I keep identifying myself with Yvaine so much.
If I had to say... because of the way I see humanity behaving. The way I behave too sometimes.
I proceed to explain because otherwise it'll be weird...
A friend of mine called me creep the other day because of my love to a character. A thirteen year old character. Because of his trauma. The way he leads his life, on revenge and pain. Covering the floor on blood and looking for help even if it's from the Devil itself to heal. To move on. To keep going.
And I realized that she thought I saw it as something sexual. I didn't. I identified myself and loved him because of his pain and scars, when I saw his, I thought mine were valid and that maybe I still have a shot at life.
Ciel Phantomhive, Black Butler by Yana Toboso.
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So I think, that was love through pain.
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Then I saw Jack Kline (Supernatural) and I thought, I love him. I love him because of the way he behaves. Seeking for approval of Dean Winchester. Trying to do the right thing. Trying to not make mistakes. And I think that kind of love is pure. It makes me smile. And cry a bit too. Because I understand what that means. You can't stay pure too long. You have to grow up. I think my love for Jack is platonic and pure based only on his mere existence. Because he makes me smile and makes me feel happy.
And that was love through acceptance...
So I was in the shower the other day and I thought, maybe, this is it. Like, I have already met love through deception (friends with bad intentions, people pretending to be whatever they're not. Parents lying, etc.)
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Ah... maybe love it's in every emotion. We feel hate because we've been hurt, we've been hurt because we love. And impatience. Because we want something so badly that is almost impossible to wait over it. Maybe that's humanity.
Maybe true love is all the emotions on the same person, and still having this little idea on your mind that, even though there are emotions that are not entirely good. You still want to protect that person. You still want that person to be happy.
I still need to discover what self love is. Because for now, to me, self love is keeping myself alive through loving and hating, and being impatient or admiring other people, animals, nature... and life in general. Sometimes it's too hard. Sometimes it's so easy. But it's never boring.
So I lost myself into these shower thoughts while I keep forgetting it's 1AM and I need to sleep. But remembering Yvaine, I think, there's nothing more lonely than seeing people interacting and loving each other, which is something beautiful, but it kinda gets boring at times tbh, especially without being able to participate on the events...
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After all, it is because I'm a huge fan of romance that I had to stop reading about them for a while, since it was too painful for me to wish that something at least somewhat similar, to happen to me. But then I came back to my senses: If I'm going to be someone who watches others having their beautiful love stories tied, then at least, I'll do what stars do better, and shine!
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I used to wish upon stars, then I realized I am one of them.
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cagefreeromanroy · 4 years ago
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Rio is ready to retire and take care of Beths 6 million kids while she runs the crime empire. King shit 😌
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As much as I LOVE the mental image of rio in beths kitchen trying to cook the 8 course dinner those 6 million kids are used to in one of these:
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I’m 110% sure Jane would be quick to finish what her mom started back in 2.13 as soon as rio says no to something to her…..
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k-s-morgan · 3 years ago
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Have you ever been in a fandom where the canon ending disappointed you?
For sure! It's easier to list the fandoms where the endings didn't disappoint me first :D From such examples, there is 'Hannibal' - it mostly solved every arc and brought the characters to their happy ending together in a subtle and beautiful way. I loved the end of 'Black Butler' the anime - it was somewhat open but perfect in every way to me, with Ciel and Sebastian destined to stay together forever. I loved 'Shadowhunters' ending - Magnus and Alec got the biggest and most explicit HEA imaginable. They got to address each other's insecurities, the last episode focused on their beautiful wedding, and Alec is implied to become immortal.
I was mostly indifferent about 'Harry Potter' ending. I'm glad the trio lived, but I didn't like the epilogue. Can't say I hated it, but it felt too forced and oversimplified.
Now, as for the disappointing shows... 'Sherlock' is the biggest example. I always prepare myself for the worst, but even I couldn't imagine the nightmare of S4. I managed to find some good fics that continue from S3, but all in all, I could never look at this show the same. I could deal if one or two arcs were ruined, but the writers destroyed literally everything - every character, every relationship, every plot. I'm baffled to this day.
I wasn't all too happy with 'Merlin' ending either. I would accept the outcome of Arthur dying and Merlin waiting for him if it was done in a more logical way, but Arthur's death just feels very dumb. Merlin is suddenly not a great warlock, he suddenly forgets he has a dragon and an immortal cup at his disposal, etc. It makes no sense and you have to really suspend your disbelief to buy it. But there are beautiful stories out there that helped me do it.
'Supernatural' ending is just... lol. I ignore the existence of E20 because it's one of the most ridiculous and offensive pieces of writing I've ever seen. I only accept it as a part of "Chuck won" narrative, which is what I think they'll got for if there is ever a renewal. This ending can compete with Sherlock. Dean forgetting Castiel exists, Sam forgetting about Eileen; Castiel forgetting he loves Dean and being too busy doing 'stuff' to announce he's alive; Sam forgetting their son is a God and Jack just... doing something, I guess. Dean's death is as absurd as it was in the episode where he died in 1K crazy ways. I could go on forever, everything about it is awful and illogical, and it breaks every rule all other seasons established. You could really watch E1 of S1 and this episode, and you won't feel like you missed much of anything.
'The X Files' had an open ending that I found satisfying in S9, but after that... I was more or less positive about the second movie, but other seasons were just a big no. Carter really doesn't know how to wrap things up and finish the arcs he started instead of creating new ones all the time and using cheap tricks to fool the audience.
'Queer as Folk' ending sucks. Characters suddenly regress in the last 1-2 episodes and do things that are completely illogical. Brian and Justin getting married was probably too saccharine for the writers, so they decided to remind the audience that bisexual Lindsay, who's in a long-term relationship with another woman , is actually in love with gay Brian and jealous of Justin. So she gives the worst advice, manipulates the situation, and gets Brian to think that by marrying Justin, he will be holding him back. Cue him pretending to be miserable about their upcoming marriage and Justin deciding that they don't need it & going to NY to be an artist in a way that's entirely impossible. Ugh. The whole E13 and parts of E12 are so forced and illogical.
Endings are hard, but not so hard that so many writers constantly create so much nonsense. I really don't know what it's about.
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perhapsthanatos · 4 years ago
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10:32 pm with yuta ♡
nct’s yuta x fem!reader (got inspired by a dream of mine & found the idea really cute)
alternate title: be the james dean to my audrey hepburn
genre: fluff. a pinch of angst. non idol au. badboy!yuta au.
word count: 1400~
playlist: chinatown by wild nothing, lover’s rock by tv girl & work this time by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.
warnings: featuring johnny (not a warning though). smoking cigarettes. cursing. lowercase intended. not proofread.
a/n: hi i was supposed to post a vampire!haechan fic but i really wasnt happy w it in general :( the plot or overall idea of the fic was really good, but i just felt as if i didnt do it justice so here we are :( but ngl, i kind of like this concept more? maybe bc i can see it more vividly? idk, i feel like my writings r getting repetitive & its getting on my nerves lmaoo this is getting long im sorry do u guys even read this part anyway? i would also like to apologize abt the amount of projecting im doing lmao ive been having some rough days & i love my sister but hate being compared to her so often so this is a way for me to rant abt it ig? also so sorry its coming out a little later bc i woke up late today (& procrastinated for the rest of it so here i am posting really late at night) & decided to go to the convenience store to get ice cream (& a ton of other bad shit pls dont do this its rlly unhealthy) for breakfast bc i can :) any who, enjoy lovelies <3
“oh my, y/n! you’ve grown up so well! just like your sister!”
“oh! i’m sorry i’ve almost mistaken you for your sister! y/n is your name, correct?”
“y/n, darling, you are looking so dashing! you really do resemble your sister, don’t you?”
“ah, you must be y/n! i’ve heard all about you and your sister from your father!”
you swear that your reddening cheeks are threatening to fall off any moment now from all the fake smiling. the hundreds of superficial compliments, the insincere flattery and the need for these people to constantly compare you to your godforsaken sister makes you feel even weaker than you are. it gets harder and harder to keep up with a big persona that isn’t at all you. as lucky as you are to live such a lavish lifestyle, you can’t help but hate how your family has to be so perfect. you hate how you have never fit in with them, even if you are so good at faking it. you hate how you have always been stuck in your sister’s shadow, constantly haunted with the reminder that you yourself aren’t good enough. you hate how you now have to entertain the rich and brainless guests at your parent’s gala because she’s gone for some stupid prodigy competition and everyone is only talking about her in front of your face. so what if she’s better the better sister? you still have the right to earn respect, right?
you’re exhausted from all the small talk. your facade gets more brittle by the second under all the pressure. your body feels as if it's gonna give out due to your brain shutting down after all that interacting. you try to keep on going with the night as it unravels itself by being the perfectly poised poster child, trying to make your parents proud. but alive yet almost completely devoid, you decide enough was enough. what if you left right now? no one would notice, would they?
after pulling up your phone discreetly to send a few text messages, you pass through lots of people dressed in gold and finery in a way that wouldn’t have you noticed right away. keep your head down and don’t you dare make eye contact with anyone. nearing the end of the room, grabbing the first glass of whatever alcohol you see and downing it in one gulp, you start walking away as quickly as possible from the ballroom. “ignorant privileged fucks,” you angrily whisper to no one in particular, setting the now empty glass on whatever surface and begin to head to the main exit where no one could spot you running away.
“and what do you think you’re doing here, miss?”
a voice interrupts you, looking up you see that it is your father’s head butler; johnny. he is dressed in a simple black suit that makes him appear taller than he is. his long brown hair is slicked back and his bowtie seems brand new. you have known the man since he started working in your household less than ten years back. you were a reckless child, often trying to find ways to sneak out, finding a way to escape from this life and he sympathized with you. after all, he could barely imagine living your life, never catching a break for yourself and always pretending to be someone you weren’t. he often helped planning when you would sneak out into the night, scheduling things like what time you should leave and what time you should be back, more specifically a time when no one would notice. he would take care of your form of transportation and have your location on at all times, just to be extra safe. as much as he wants you to have fun and have a bit of freedom, he still worries that something might happen to you. because of all this, you two have grown to have a very strong bond. you could confidently say that he is most definitely a parental figure in your life since your parents (and even your sister) are often overseas for work.
“what do you think i’m doing? you think i wanna be in a room with those half-baked bipeds? fuck no!”
“i know, i was just joking. you looked like you were about to explode in there, i wish i could help.” he laughs, pulling out his phone preparing what you might need. “so what will it be for today? the driver? we just need to pay him to keep his mouth shut. a taxi? it’s cheaper than paying the driver, but you still need to pay… not like that’s a problem for you though. maybe an uber would be good enough—“
“actually, i got myself covered. thanks.”
his jaw slightly drops and his eyebrows furrow. he looks straight at you in shock. “what do you mean you got yourself covered?”
you look down at your feet, a nervous habit. “i got myself a ride, you don’t need to help me. i’ll be back as soon as dawn comes.”
he raises his eyebrow. “who’s your ride?”
“doesn’t matter,” you glance down at your phone seeing a notification and wave a goodbye, leaving rather suddenly. “i gotta go, i’ll text you when you need to open the gates!”
“y/n! wait! who’s your ride— and she’s gone.” johnny sighs, watching as you run towards the front gates, tossing your stiletto heels away on the grass while you’re at it. he heads back inside, silently hoping you’ll be fine.
knocking the window of the old black mustang parked outside behind the big bushes, the driver rolls down his window and sends the most charming smile.
yuta in his black beanie, long blonde hair, worn out doc martens, signature leather jacket and black skinny jeans. it almost makes you laugh on how he wears the same thing almost everyday but still manages to look so good.
he is most notable for having a big bad boy reputation and you knew that he was the breath of fresh air you needed in your life. a person who can understand having the pressure of having to be or to fulfill your persona. a person you can completely be yourself around. a person who is full of warmth no matter how cold he may seem on the outside.
“get in, princess.”
and that was all you needed. you tiredly walked to the other door and sat yourself in the car. rolling his window back up, he looks at you. you are wearing a simple yet stunning black dress along with silver jewelry adorned on your neck and wrists. your makeup is perfectly done but still struggles to hide the fog in your eyes. he has the sudden urge to clear them away. he softens at the sight of you. no one is perfect, but he finds you being perfect enough without ever having to dress up.
“where to?” he asks as gently as he could. he knows that you are most vulnerable during these moments and that it is hard to finally break down your walls after a day full of stress, so he doesn’t pry immediately. all he wants to do is to keep you here, safe and away from your burdens and for you to stay comfortable with him, even if it couldn't be for long. but is that too selfish of him to ask? he hates how you hate your life and it is taking every bone in his body to not run away with you. but who is he to tell you what to do or what to change anyway? all he can do for now is try to find a way to make you genuinely smile.
“take me anywhere,” you whisper to the latter. “i just want to be as far from myself and my life as possible. miles away or the nearest convenience store, just take the long way home before dawn.”
you look down at the cup holders, spotting an open cigarette box. you tug one out of the nineteen and light it with the lighter you kept in your pocket. you lean back and close your eyes. he only admires as you bring the cigarette to your lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke afterwards. letting the radio play quietly, he starts the car and begins to drive away from the mansion. he can’t help but wonder how you (an elegant daughter) and him (a bad boy) are millions of worlds apart, but more similar than you think.
© perhapsthanatos (efa)
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shirtlesssammy · 4 years ago
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2x11: Playthings
Then:
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These brother have seen some things
Now:
This episode starts off real comforting. Aside from the exposition of a family moving out of an old inn, we’re greeted to a room FULL of creepy old dolls. A show doesn’t even have to try when dolls are thrown in the mix. The room of dolls belongs to Tyler, one of the little girls in the house. She has a dollhouse --a replica of the inn-- that would have made a younger me faint with jealousy. 
The dolls in this dollhouse move around mysteriously though. One moment she places a doll in a rocking chair, and the next he’s sprawled on the floor in front of the stairs --head on backwards. 
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She hears a scream and comes out to see her mom calling 911, and the moving guy near death on the floor in front of the stairs. 
(Sidenote: Anybody remember reading The Dollhouse Murders by Betty Ren Wright as a kid? I loved that book.) 
The brothers, meanwhile, are trying to find Ava. Typical Sam can’t just sit and spin his wheels, and wants to work a case about deaths at an inn in Connecticut. Dean wonders why Sam doesn’t want to wallow --”more angst and droopy music and staring out the rainy windows”. AND I HAVE TO STOP AND POINT OUT THAT DEAN HAS DONE ALL OF THIS WHEN HE’S THOUGHT CAS DEAD. Projection looks awful on you Dean. 
They get to the inn and Dean’s pumped about working a haunted house case ---possibly running into Fred and Daphne. Bby boy eventually DID run into Fred and Daphne and I have EMOTIONS. (But, like, real ones. Our little show got a crossover with Scooby-doo!? It’s still surreal to think about sometimes.) 
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Sam notices a powerful charm warding off enemies outside the inn. 
The brothers check into the inn. Susan, the owner, tells them that the inn is closing and asks if they’re in the area “antiquing”. Dean readily agrees to go along with their cover. She then asks if they want a king sized bed. Sam corrects her and she apologizes, but poor, poor, repressed, stressed Dean can’t let it go and asks her, “What’d you mean we ‘looked the type’?” 
They get room 237 --and Dean, film buff and noted Stephen King fan-- has no reaction. Boo. 
Sam reviews the deaths so far: a realtor and mover. Someone doesn’t want this family to leave. Dean is more focused on the vibe he’s sending out to the world that makes them think he’s into dudes. Sam succinctly sums it up by saying, “Well, you are kinda butch. Probably think you're overcompensating.” Dean’s nervous reaction kills me every time. 
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Walking around the inn later, Sam finds more hoodoo markings. They then go to talk with Susan. In order to talk with her more, Dean sees her collection of antique dolls and tells her that Sam’s a collector.
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Sam checks out the dollhouse and notices the doll with the twisted head. Tyler comes in and Sam asks about it. She said that she found it like that. She says that neither Maggie or her would do that because Grandma Rose would be mad. These are all her toys. 
Grandma Rose is upstairs, in a wheelchair, and Sam is forbidden to talk to her about the doll collection. The brothers set to digging up dirt on the grandma. 
Susan learns that the new owners plan on demolishing the hotel. 
Tyler has a tea party while the visiting attorney sits on his bed. There’s a doll sitting on the dollhouse bed as well. Both the dollhouse door and real door to the attorney’s room open. Tyler looks over to the dollhouse and sees the doll hanging from the ceiling. 
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The doll’s real life counterpart is likewise occupied. 
Sam watches as the guy is hauled away in a bodybag. Dean asks Susan about what happened. 
He then finds Sam, who is REALLY DRUNK. Sam’s upset he couldn’t save the guy --and Ava (lol, are you sure about that one Sam?). Sam’s deeply upset about Dean’s earlier confession about saving him or killing him. In a moment of clarity, Dean tells Sam that John should never have laid that on them. Sam gets a promise from Dean eventually though. 
Dean heads to the bar and finds Sherwin (the butler?). 
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He asks Sherwin about the history of the hotel. Sherwin walks Dean around and shows him pictures of the family in “happier days.” Sherwin notes that Rose will have to live in a senior facility and the only home she’s ever known will be demolished. They look at old pictures, and Rose’s nanny also sported a hoodoo symbol on her pinafore. 
The next morning, Sam’s worshipping at the porcelain throne. Dean checks that Sam doesn’t remember his promise to kill him and then proceeds to tease him mercilessly, Big Brother Style ™. 
The Winchesters head up to talk to Rose, who lives in the attic not-at-all-creepily. (Note to self: live in the attic when I’m extremely old and infirm and invest in a good, old, creaky rocker.) Rose can’t talk, which seems to rule out hoodoo on her part (which requires motor and speech control).
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Susan finds them and kicks them the hell out. 
Back inside, the two girls are playing together and not packing. Susan tells her daughter that her friend (!!!) is IMAGINARY!!! Yesssss creepy ghost child time, baby. 
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Susan is 100% DONE with Tyler’s buddy Maggie and tells her she’s too old for an imaginary friend. (Somewhere, young Sam is shouting HOW DARE.)
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Later, Tyler plays with her dollhouse when the swing on the swingset starts to move.
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A cold breeze blows across Susan as she packs the car and she notices the swings moving on the real swingset outside. The teeter-totter starts to move and that’s DEFINITELY NOT THE WIND. While she’s distracted by the haunted playground, her car heads straight for her. It’s R-E-D-R-U-M time. 
Sam saves Susan just in time. They all head straight for the booze. Dean tells her their theories: they thought it was hoodoo but now their money’s on ghost. In response, Susan takes a big swig of liquor. #Relatable
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Now their theory is that Grandma Rose was using hoodoo to ward off a malicious spirit, but couldn’t once she had a stroke. Sam tells Susan that she needs to clear the house, including her two daughters. RECORD SCRATCH. Susan only has ONE daughter! They race off to find Tyler and her imaginary friend.
Upstairs, Maggie confronts a terrified Rose. 
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Maggie’s going to keep Tyler for herself. MuaHAHAHAHA. “We can have lots of tea parties. Forever and ever and ever….”
Upstairs, the adults are met with a horrifying scene of unbelievable carnage.
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For Someone Had Fun with Eyeballs Science:
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Susan remembers that her mother had a sister. Would you say a………..twisted sister? Maggie died in the pool and her ghost now haunts the place. 
Cut to Maggie and Tyler dangling from the balcony railing over the pool. Tyler’s scared, but Maggie promises that after she jumps they can be together forever. The adults arrive at the pool just in time to see Maggie hurl Tyler into the pool. Tyler gets tangled in the plastic pool cover (SHUDDER) and breaks free only for Maggie to duck her back underwater. 
Suddenly, Maggie hears another voice! It’s a young girl calling for “Margaret.” Maggie fades out. Sam breaks the glass at last and dives into the pool to save Tyler. 
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He hauls Tyler out and to the edge of the pool. There’s a lot of slow motion sorrowful looks between the adults (instead of instant first aid smh) when Tyler spits out water! She’s alive! Tyler reports that Maggie’s gone from the pool. 
Up in the attic, Maggie talks to Rose. They’re striking some kind of deal in order for Maggie to let Susan and Tyler go. “You kept me away for so long,” Maggie says. “I thought you didn’t love me anymore.” She caresses Rose’s cheek.
A little while later, Susan screams from the attic room. Rose is dead! The paramedics declare it another stroke. (A stroke of MURDER.) After Tyler and Susan head out for their new not-at-all-traumatized life, the Winchesters head off as well.
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(I planned to put in a caption where Dean comments on Sam getting some MILF action and then Dean just comes right out and SAYS it right in the goddamned script.)
At the Impala of Feelings, they talk about the good times: the case is solved! And...the bad times. Sam reminds Dean of his promise to kill him. 
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Back in the house everything is super fine and extra great. Two girls play in the family apartments while Maggie’s doll looks on fondly. 
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The Dollquote Murders:
Son of a bitch. … Maggie said it first!
I just figured after Ava there'd be, you know, more angst and droopy music and staring out the rainy windows…
You are kinda butch. Probably think you're overcompensating
You're bossy. And short
That car didn't try to run you down by itself, okay? I mean, I guess it did, technically
Think you could have hooked up some MILF action there, bud
Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 
24 notes · View notes
specialagentlokitty · 5 years ago
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Who I write for//requests
I’m looking for requests if you aren’t sure of rules or such feel free to ask!!
MARVEL
* Tony
* Steve
* Wanda
* Bucky
* Thor
* Bruce
* Nat
* Clint
* Phil
* Loki
* Peter
* MJ
* Logan
TWILIGHT
* Carlisle
* Rosalie
* Alice
* Jasper
* Paul
* Billy
* Garrett
NCIS/NOLA
* Gibbs
* Tony
* Ziva
* Abby
* Ducky
* Bishop
* Sloane
* Nick
CRIMINAL MINDS
* Hotch
* Derek
* Rossi
* Spencer
* JJ
* Emily
* Garcia
CASTLE
* Castle
* Kate
THE MENTALIST
* Patrick
* Grace
* Lisbon
* Rigsby
SUPERNATURAL
* Dean
* Sam
* Chuck
* Crowley
* Gabriel
* Balthazar
* Charlie
* Castiel
* Lucifer
LUCIFER(FOX)
* Lucifer
* Dan
* Maze
THE HOBBIT/LOTR
* Thorin
* Bilbo
* Legolas
* Fili
* Kili
* Thranduil
* Elrond
* Lindir
* Aragorn
* Boromir
* Faramir
* Pippin
* Merry
* Sam
* Frodo
BBC MERLIN
* Arthur
* Merlin
* Leon
* Gwaine
* Lancelot
* Percival
* Gwen
BBC SHERLOCK
* Sherlock
* John
* Mycroft
THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY
* Diego
MY HERO ACADEMIA
* Midoriya (Deku)
* Aizawa
* Todoroki
* Present Mic
* Iida
* Kirishima
* Kaminari
* Bakugo
* Toshinori(all might)
BLUE EXORCIST
* Rin
* Yukio
* Bon
* Mephisto
* Amiamon
TOKYO GHOUL
* Kenaki
* Arima
AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER
* Zuko
* Aang
* Sokka
* Iroh
ATTACK ON TITAN
* Levi
* Eren
* Erwin
* Arwin
BLACK BUTLER
* Claude
* William
* Sebastian
* Undertaker
NORIGAMI
* Yato
* Yukine
THE WITCHER
* Geralt
* Jaskier
DOCTOR WHO
* 9th Doctor
* 10th Doctor
* 11th doctor
* 12th Doctor
* River
* Amy
* Rory
* Clara
BROOKLYN NINE NINE
* Jake
* Rosa
THE GOOD DOCTOR
* Jared
* Claire
* Melendez
* Shaun
* Alex Park
TEEN WOLF
* Derek
* Stiles
* Scott
* Issac
* Peter
GREYS ANATOMY
* Derek shepherd
* Cristina Yang
* Mark Sloan
* Owen Hunt
* Jackson Avery
* Alex Karev
* Arizona Robbins
HOUSE MD
* Gregory house
* James Wilson
* Lisa Cuddy
BONES
* Seeley booth
* Lance Sweets
THE ARCANA
*Julian
*Muriel
*Asra
*Lucio
*Nadia
*Portia
Random prompts (you don’t need a prompt to requests just ask!)
1. “Don’t say goodbye...”
2. “Nothing impossible, we’ve all got that dreamers disease.”
3. “You only love yourself, but that doesn’t mean you can treat everyone like crap.”
4. “Lonely? I guess you could say I’m lonely, but sometimes lonely is better.”
5. “Look, I’m not having this debate with you right now.”
6. “We’ve all got blood on our hands, be it our own or someone else’s.”
7. “I really don’t care what you have to say, it won’t make me come back. I know full well your words are as empty as your heart.” “What if I can prove they’re not?”
8. “Don’t fuck with me, otherwise someone’s going to get hurt.”
9. “Bad? I prefer morally incorrect.”
10. “Stop living in your head! This is the real world! This is what a real bad guy is!”
11. “You’re not listening to a word I’m saying.” “I just don’t care about what you have to say.”
12. “Bite me.”
13. “Why are you so horrible to me?” “I’m nicer to you than to anyone else.”
14. “I’ve still got something left to prove.”
15. “You’re the only thing that’s been real...”
16. “I’ll always find my way back to you. Always.”
17. “There’s nothing in this I wouldn’t do to protect you, okay?”
18. “If I lose you... I... lose everything... you’re all that’s left...”
19. “I’ve seen my fair share of misery, heartache. I don’t want that.” “Then let me show you happiness, and love.”
20. “Shes/he’s a ticking time bomb, one wrong move and it’s all over.”
21. “Just one date, that’s all I ask.”
22. “We found you guys asleep on the floor.”
23. “I know what I want, and I’m going to take it all. Who’s going to stop me?” “I am.” “Won’t be much of a fight now, would it?”
24. “Stop pointing your gun at me.” “Stop trying to arrest me.”
25. “Everyone wants something, nothing comes for free.”
26. “You’re a monster!” “So? Never seen a monster before~”
27. “I was always here! Always! Never once did you even think about me!”
28. “I can smell your fear, don’t be scared, I won’t hurt you... unless I have to.”
29. “I feel like a monster.”
30. “Nightmares? I am Everyone nightmare.”
31. “I would walk to the end of the universe then back if it meant I could have even one more second by your side.”
32. “You don’t believe in monsters do you?” “Of course not!” “I do~”
33. “What are you hiding from me? What are you so desperately trying to keep hidden. I want to help.”
34. “You’re a fucking ass.” “I know.” “And I love you.” “I know.”
35. “It’s cold, are you okay?”
36. “Put a jacket on idiot.”
37. “She/he lost her/his memory....” “stay with her/him... even if it hurts you...”
38. “This is the end...”
39. “The damage is done... it’s too late...”
40. “I would have done anything...”
41. “I would have loved you all my life...”
42. “Maybe in your next life you’ll be safe... you won’t be in danger...”
43. “Where have you gone?”
44. “Remember when we were kids, and I promised to always keep you safe? I’m sorry I broke it...”
45. “H.. hold.. me...” “of course darling, you’re not alone, I’m here, it’s okay... rest now...”
46. “Wake up! Please!...” he/she sobbed, “just wake up...”
47. “If I could b honest, right here right now, I’m nervous.” “Why?” “Because I... love you.”
48. “It’s always been us against the world, always.”
49. “It’s not my time... I’ve.. still got loads to do...”
50. “Look, I’m sorry I lied. I can’t take it back, but I can make it up to you.”
51. “I wonder if I’ll ever see her/him again.” “It’s been years since you have.” “I’ll wait.”
52. “I’ve got you, I’m not letting go.”
53. “Stop being stubborn and let me help!”
54. “All this time I wanted to hate you, but I never could.”
55. “How do you know he/she’s still alive?” “I can feel it.”
56. “Just give me time! Please!”
57. “I miss the way the sun used to shine on you so perfectly.”
58. “How do I tell him I love him?” “Don’t, he’ll only hurt you. You don’t deserve that.”
59. “We’re all broken in some way.”
60. “Everting seems so dull...”
16 notes · View notes
enkisstories · 6 years ago
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The android cemetery (Chapter 5)
Daniel was already at home and out of uniform when Gavin entered the two-story apartment.  The android was lounging on the couch in the floor/downstairs living room combo. He wore a short-sleeved button-up shirt in red and blue jeans, a welcome break from his preferred upper-class butler’s style. There was a bit of a snob in Gavin’s boyfriend, a trait the man had never expected to find himself drawn to. But attraction obviously followed its own rules, especially if one of the attracted in question didn’t even have hormones.
Daniel was holding his phone in one hand and tickling Loki, Gavin’s blue-point ragdoll cat, under the chin with the other. Another cat, a black Somali-mix called Thor, was lazing stretched out on the couch. The tom made sure not to touch the android. Thor accepted, even demanded, the occasional petting from Daniel, but he would not purr for the still somewhat new family member. Only after Gavin had closed the door behind himself did Thor jump down and proceeded to circle his returned “mama”’s legs. There was no competition from the other tom for now. Yes, viewed in this light that new biped had something going for it. The more time Loki spent with it, the more time there was for just Thor and Mama! Gavin’s lips formed a silent “Phone - who?”. The answer came in the form of Morse-code from Daniel’s LED: “Emmas-stop-therapist”.
Ah, right, Emma Phillips. That was something new. Not just was a new boyfriend living in the apartment, along with Daniel Gavin had acquired an extended family. Before Daniel it had only ever been himself, his cats and the parents at the holidays. There had not been a shortage of sex, but as the man had explained to Daniel last year, beings friends wasn’t a prerequisite for that. Boyfriends were a hassle anyway, because sometimes they turned out crime lord Jacques Villareal’s right-hand men and tried to shoot Gavin. Admittedly that had happened only once, but it still stung years later, because for the first time since college Gavin had actually harbored feelings for that one.
Of course there had always been Tina Chen and both of them had fully expected to end up together out of habit, because it wasn’t fun to be all alone when you were old and with only a slim pension, because androids had forced you out of employment. But here Gavin Reed was, in a steady relationship, and Daniel had promised to help Tina find a boyfriend of her own.
Gavin slipped out of shoes and jacket. Tip-toeing around Thor he went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. It contained mostly fresh ingredients nowadays instead of a pinned-on list of food delivery services across the city: Seafood for the organics and thirium sherbet for Daniel. For all their efficiency, androids were not perpetuum mobiles. Once a month they had to replenish their lifeblood. Many deviants, especially those who were openly living among humans, had adopted to the practice of consuming smaller doses during regular mealtimes. Daniel had tried that, too, but realized that he enjoyed watching his human eat a lot more than doing it himself. And of course there were those times when he was fed up with humanity and would gulp down the blue blood right out of the bottle to prove a point. Gavin got a can of beer from the fridge and a strip of bubble gum from a basket on top of it. Then he returned to the living room where Daniel had just finished his conversation. The man slumped down on the couch opposite to his partner and teased Loki with the bubble gum. Just when the cat jumped for it, Gavin tossed the strip towards Daniel, then caught Loki and put him on the floor gently. You absolutely didn’t want a cat on the sofa when you were about to cuddle feet to feet with your partner. In fact, you absolutely, positively did not want a cat with you when you were presenting your naked toes anywhere and for any reason.
Gavin then flicked open the beer. For a few precious minutes he let the world do its own thing. There was beer and tickles and the cats bouncing over each other on the floor and Daniel forming shapes out of his bubblegum that other than him only Gandalf had managed with his smoke pipe in the first Lord of the Rings movie. This was home, this was bliss, this was life going Gavin’s way for once. He had laid claim on what he had wanted and would not give it back anytime soon!
Eventually there was no more beer and the gum had went to a place where it would be the maid’s problem tomorrow. They smiled at each other.
“To quote Emma: Stupid therapist and her ideas”, Daniel remarked, referring to the talk he just had. “I swear, if she knew who I really was she’d want me to tell Emma!”
“Kid’s got to step in line”, Gavin replied. “’cuzz Captain Allen already called dibs on that.”
“The sucker did what?!”
Whatever peeve Daniel had with the therapist was forgotten over the news. Gavin recounted what had transpired at the DPD, finishing with: “Yumiko gave me funny looks all the time. She suspects I butchered the archive android for your new skin module.”
“Considering what you took out of there when all you needed was a bloody broom I wouldn’t put that past you, either!” Daniel said, laughing with that raspy industrial noise androids produced at such an occasion. It made him sound like a chain smoker. “But I wouldn’t worry overmuch. My files are in order. Everything’s there: no irregularities at first initialization, delivery to the cyberlife store, sold to my first owners, then you buying me from them after a year, then getting lended to the DPD and finally our accident on Lake Erie followed by the android museum buying me and putting me back in shape.”
“I dunno… I said on occasion that I found you in the trash.”
“That might not be a contradiction. My first owner might not have liked you grabbing for free what he had just thrown away and charged you.”
“I would have hit him, had he tried that!”
Daniel winked when he replied: “Maybe you beat him out of his senses, but the resulting hospital bill would not show up in my file, right?” He flung himself forward and into the other’s arms. “You know that between the two of us I am the good guy!”
That claim caused them both to laugh. They kissed, then laughed some more and then Daniel tried to caress Gavin’s nose with his. He was met with an unwilling “Unh!”. Maybe it was the plastic nose feeling weird, maybe it was the childishness of the act or something else entirely, but Gavin hated it. Daniel adjusted his position for them to end up sitting in each other’s lap, forehead to forehead, arms around the other’s shoulders.
“The Underground Airline’s best hacker doctored my file”, Daniel said reassuringly after letting some time pass. “The very best.”
Gavin sighed. It wasn’t a sound of pleasure.
“What?”
The human grabbed his partner. He pushed Daniel backwards a little, stared him into the eyes as if looking for some sense to be found in the space behind them and when he could locate none barked:
“Your “very best” is a gaming bot, for fuck’s sake! It can make mistakes!”
Daniel shook his head. “I know that’s what she initialized as. But now Yuki is tracking the author’s keyboard strokes as the woman writes the intermediate chapters for Beasts of Fire.”
To Daniel’s surprise Gavin displayed no sense of wonder at that feat. Instead he was looking as if he was about to get flayed alive.
“But doesn’t that mean Yuki has to read that stuff?” the human uttered. “Why would any sane soul want to do that?”
Daniel playfully hit Gavin.
“Your taste in literature is abominable!”
Equally playfully dodging the “assault” Gavin replied: “I do not have a taste in literature!”
“I noticed”, Daniel laughed.
They were sitting next to each other on the couch now, the wall-high balcony window in their back and the new TV on the wall right in front of them. Gavin bent forward, elbows on his knees, head tucked between his fists. Daniel to the contrary leaned back and placed his feet onto the couch table.
“Okay”, Gavin started again, “let’s say everything is in order as far as Dean is concerned. So what did Super Smash Sister do with Daniel’s file? Did she leave it as is, creating two androids with the same DNA, or did she delete it? Well?”
Daniel jerked forward. His gaze met Gavin’s as the other was raising his head and while the human shot him an angry “See? Told you!” expression, Daniel’s own slowly changed to one of terror.
There was no need to answer the last question. Since there was no more PL600 down in the archive, Yuki Villareal would simply have deleted the accompanying file. Probably the whole case file, too. While humans who remembered Daniel having been there were all around the DPD!
“Yuki hasn’t… she wouldn’t…” Daniel sputtered.
“Of course she would! Yuki also had to hack Camp Five’s security, all in one night! And for that stunt there were no Hank and Connor to help out with passcodes. With a real challenge ahead of it, the little gold farming bot went the easy route in your case!”
“Yes.” Daniel slowly sacked towards his partner, who slung his arms around the android and hugged him tight. “Yes, you’re probably right.”
The Underground Airline’s hacker had been in a hurry due to some real minor stuff like Daniel, Gavin and Markus having had a shootout in the backyard of Brindleton Bay’s movie theatre...
“It’s all Markus’s fault!” Gavin claimed. “Idiot homeschooled arts major…”
“Well, what do you expect? He’s Connor’s great-something grandfather! Think of everything that’s weird about Connor and then remember that he is the improved Markus!”
“Yeah.” Gavin nodded. “That explains a lot, actually.”
Daniel picked up a cat at random. He put it on both their laps and started stroking. After a while the furball started tearing into Gavin’s upper leg with dedication.
“I shouldn’t have said that about Connor”, Daniel mused. “He’s dedicated… loyal… By right I should fall head over heels for him, but… eww.”
“Eww, plastic prick”, Gavin agreed.
“But he’s also my friend”, Daniel insisted. “Now. Yours, too.”
“No way!”
“I was right about the five of us becoming a team, I’m right about this, too.”
“Whatever. Let’s focus on the missing PL600. We need a replacement and quickly!”
The moment he had said it, Gavin cursed himself for having voiced his thoughts. The easiest solution to their dilemma would be to buy a pre-owned PL600 on e-bay, switch it off, shoot it a few times, drop it off a roof, run its legs over with the family car and put the resulting mess into the archive quietly. And of course Daniel was well aware of that, because he said: “You are not thinking of what I think you are!”
Gavin could have slapped himself that moment. His too quick trap be damned! Had the detective just kept it shut, he could have gone through with the plan tonight, using an urgent call from work as an excuse. Daniel and Tina would have went to the basketball game the trio had planned to watch, while he’d corrected his mistake from one and a half years ago. But that door was closing even as Gavin had spotted it in the corridor.
“Does it matter what I think, if I don’t go through with it?” he growled.
Disturbed in his bliss Loki jumped off the couch. He proceeded to claw away on it to regain his mental balance, only to get his claws detached from the fabric by the two bipeds. The cat turned once around itself and then decided to chase Thor onto the windowsill.
“‘sides”, Gavin followed through, “people say I look like Kamski. If roles were reversed and you needed a dead Gavin, you’d beat in Kamski’s skull and sell him to Allen as me!”
“I guess so”, Daniel had to admit. “Unlike PL600s there’s only two of you, though.”
“Moot point. You don’t want me to make use of all those PL600s. Come to think of it…” Gavin’s face brightened when what he perceived a near-genius idea came to him. So, basically what he thought of all his ideas. ”What if it was already dead?” the man whispered.
“What do you mean?”
“Think old androids! The hand-me-downs, or the ones destroyed in accidents, any android that cannot get sold or gifted away anymore or whose owner is simply too lazy to consider any form of re-use – where do you think they all end up?”
“Ugh.”
“Exactly!”
Both of them voiced it simultaneously, one sounding appalled, the other triumphant: “The solid waste landfill!”
1 note · View note
munchflix · 6 years ago
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WATCHMEN - THE SUPER EXTENDED CUT
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IMDB BLURB: In 1985 where former superheroes exist, the murder of a colleague sends active vigilante Rorschach into his own sprawling investigation, uncovering something that could completely change the course of history as we know it.
WARNINGS: Giant blue peen, large bepis. It's blue. Malin Ackerman can't act for shit. Attempted rape. Lots of murder. Some gore. Adult themes? Zack Snyder. Repulsive sex scene. It's not gross, it's just weird and uncomfortable. And unnecessarily long.
RATING: Who watches the Watchmen? Us...unfortunately.
OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: All reviews are done solely for humor and should not be taken seriously ever. If you cannot handle cursing, crude humor and probably some offensive things, pls do not read this. And please please don’t watch this fucking movie.
MUNCH: I want you to know, first thing, that I will never forgive you for making me watch this for a THIRD TIME. I first saw this in the theatre on my birthday and it was awful then. I spent three hours waiting for it to get better and it didn't and now you're making us watch the super extended version with 30 more minutes of shit I DON'T WANT TO SEE. I am old and I was a fan of the comic long before this detritus was filmed. I was actually excited for this shit. This movie, like a lot of the movies we review once a year, is bad. It's pretty, it's well filmed, it has a brilliant cast, and it sucks like a Dyson trying to fellate a rubber chicken.
BISCUITS: Okay...I'm gonna be upfront about this. We're gonna have to be here for each other during this review. We need to BELIEVE in ourselves, and to share our mental fortitude. That might be the only way we'll be strong enough to make it through. Even then, there's no guarantee we'll make it...but if we do, we'll emerge from the other side as changed women, now knowing the true power that the bond of friendship can hold. Or not. Actually, we'll probably just end up sad. But the point is, we need to be here for each other.
M: The Nixon makeup is so bad. All this budget and he looks like a half melted wax statue.
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These are the Nixons, folks.
B: Jeffrey Dean Morgan in old age makeup? I'd still smash that. The DOOMSDAY CLOCK! That's a reference to the comic! Get it?! We're JUST like the comic!
M: That's part of what bugs me, there's so many moments just taken straight out of the comic and then the rest of it is just Zack Snyder mentally masturbating about how cool he is.
B: Let me tell you younguns - long before the days of Suicide Squad and Batman V. Superman, Zack Snyder created the first of many tragic mistakes in the saga of "DC and Warner Bros. Attempt to Movie". It was dark, overdramatic, and had little substance behind its superficially good visuals. But Warner Bros. were all like "OMG Zach, look at all this money. Can you fuck ALL our beloved properties like this???"
M: Nostaaaaaalgia.
B: Okay, Unforgettable - this song was in the comic, it was in the book. It was playing in a scene in the comic but it was when Dan and Laurie tried to have sex for the first time. I don't understand the rationale behind using a song from the comic but putting it in a completely different scene. Why did you make that change? I don't understand why you would do that.
M: Watchmen in a nutshell. JESUS CHRIST I forgot that the explosions come in about 30 times louder than everything else.
B: Why is the Comedian wearing a smiley face pin on his bathrobe? Because of the symbolism??? Nostalgia. This is from the coooooooooomic. This is the first instance of inappropriate soundtracking, which is alright the first time but gets annoying when you do it over and over.
M: I have no idea. Oh yeah..the movie. The Comedian is fighting a mysterious figure that we'll figure out who it is later. Unless you've read the comic. It's Veidt. Slow zoom on the pin with the blood spatter because it's SYMBOLISM. Also the Comedian got thrown out a window. There's also been half an hour of slow mo and we're only 5 minutes into the movie.
B: *burps loudly* Bob Dylan, because there was a reference to a Bob Dylan song in the comic. Slow shots of our great heroes, The Minutemen. Zacc Snyder, fuck you. These were the original super hero dudes who spawned the existence of all the other masked vigilantes in this universe.
M: Gerard Butler??? Who the fuck is Gerard Butler?? Hang on, I have to look this up. Oh...he's in the Tales of the Black Freighter, which is only in this super-long ultra-extended edition.
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This gif makes it look like Gerard Butler is playing Sally Jupiter. This is not the case (unfortunately?).
B: Which we're watching because we hate ourselves. Historical landmarks to set up the time period. Also Silhouette was a lesbian. Dollar Bill got killed when his cape got stuck in a revolving door. NO CAPES! Mothman went nuts and got put in an asylum. The minutemen turned out fine. Also Silhouette is dead. And Gay.
M: Bury your gays. She was only alive for two minutes of credits.
B: To be fair, she didn’t really have a role in the book either. Also, Kennedy is killed. By the Comedian. Which I suppose was implied in the comic...very vaguely. This is way too much exposition. We can read about history, we don't need a recap of every single event since 1940. We aren't that dumb, Zakk. There's more politics in this intro than exposition but Watchmen was supposed to be political. I have big problems with Matthew Goode....goode? How is that pronounced? Look at all that BEEF tho. Arby’s, I got ya new commercial right here.
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I’ll take the one on the far left with cheese, please.
M: Slow the fuck down, jesus. I can't type as fast as you thirst. I'm gonna make you type this if you don't slow down.
B: Glad I'm not wearing a retainer. You think Jeffrey Dean Morgan would pay for it? Also Night Owl's costume looks so shitty.
M: Seriously, slow down. I have issues with how contoured Manhattan is.
B: And then everything went bad for the vigilantes and they got banned. This is SO LOUD. Tell Zaque Snyder I get spooked easily. I don’t like loud noises, I’m like a wild animal.
M: Oh yeah so the Comedian is dead. Two detectives wonder how he died. So mysterious. It was Veidt. Don't blame me if you didn't read the comic, it's been out for 30 fucking years.
B: My other issue with this movie, it doesn't ADD anything to it's source material. If I wanted just Watchmen I'd just read the comic. I could read most or all of it in the time it takes to watch this movie. So...Rorschach is ranting.
M: That's all he really does in this movie tho is rant.
B: All the towns in the world and I had to end up in this one. The ballsack town. Comedian kept a picture of Sally by his bed but that's backwards...she kept a picture of HIM on her bedside.
M: Rorschach found Comedian's secret closet where he went to be gay. Or a superhero. Or both. So he knows he's the Comedian.
B: Well, one or two of them were gay...a bunch of guys who wear their underwear outside their pants and this is somehow surprising? More slow mo.
M: This movie could be an hour and half shorter without all the pointless slo mo. Hollis is being played by Stephen McHattie and I love him so much.
B: Patrick Wilson (you can tell it’s Patrick Wilson because he looks exactly like Patrick Wilson) is playing Night Owl and he is a very good boy. The best boy. Although he doesn't have much competition for goodest boy, most of the boys are pretty bad. Hollis Mason is played up to be more Drunk Grandpa than caring mentor figure. Raw footage of Rorschach looking like FUCKING BIGFOOT. Your local cryptid.
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*X-Files theme plays*
M: That was 20 seconds of super important extra footage that we missed from the original 3 hour long movie. Okay so movie, right. Drieberg goes home to find his home has been broken into. It's Rorschach. Eating beans. HUMAN BEANS. With HUMAN BEAN JUICE. We saw you lumbering around like Bigfoot on the news. Rorschach's mask is cool tho. One point for you, Zackk Snyder.
B: Rorschach, because he's a tinfoil hat conspiracy theorist is like " I think someone's killing masks" even tho only one mask person has died so far. Patrick Wilson is a good actor but his performance in this movie is so blech. I dunno if that was the direction he was given or...
M: Part two of things wrong with Watchmen. Lots of good actors giving boring performances. I love many of these actors but they're so dull.
B: Except Malin Ackerman. It was an experimental time, Chad! All of our Bro Moments. Our BROMENTS.
M: WHY CAN'T I QUIT YOU, CHAD?!
B: Maybe Drieberg quit on account of the Keene act because it started being illegal to do the thing, but Rorschach didn't because he’s crazy. And he's doing more edgelord monologuing.
M: Holy crap the animation.
B: And now with NO CONTEXT we get launched into the Tales of the Black Freighter. It's an anime, apparently. (makes angry angry noises ) this makes me SO mad because the Black Freighter, though a story within a story, had an explanation for its presence. It's being read by someone within the bigger story. In the movie it almost looks like it was animated by Ralph Bakshi. Like the people who did Jojo's Bizarre Adventure and Ralph Bakshi had a bad trip together.
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This is what I see, every night in my dreams.
M:  I guess this is being narrated by Gerard Butler?? This is so out of place. It takes you completely out of the immersion of the movie to show you this movie. That was super jarring though.
B: The comic had a lot more leeway when it came to blending the stories together. Oh and now we get a shot of someone reading the comic to bring us back. Rorschach in the comic was described as being fascinatingly ugly. I think Jackie Earl Haley is too good looking.
M: And Veidt. I hate everything they did with this entire fucking character. I hate the way he looks, the way he talks, the way he acts, the way he Veidts. I fucking hate him so much. I hate what they did with his story and the whole Manhattan cancer thing. It's DUMB.
B: Why is Dan here? It was Rorschach who warned Adrian. And they're talking about nuclear war, very important to the crux of everything. This lighting is ugly. It makes Veidt look like a greasy boy.
M: He IS a greasy boy.
B: Meeting with Dreiberg left bad taste in mouth. Like cold beans.
M: Rorschach is expositioning everything we've already seen, dialogue straight out of the comic.
B: Rorschach breaks in to see Manhattan. Rorschach asks the real questions: Does Adrian Veidt is gay??
M: That is a HUGE ASS. Btw Manhattan is naked. He is super naked. You will never be allowed to forget that he is naked.
B: Malin Ackerman shows up...to “act”.... The mention temporal interference already, so you won't be surprised at the end of the movie. They really overemphasize Manhattan's eye things. He looks like a sad panda. I have issues with his CGI, he is really over contoured and he looks really...weird....Laurie...stop talking. PLease. Don't act, don't try to act.
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Pictured: Sad Panda
M: Now he's taking Laurie on some fucking weird time trip that was supposed to happen three hours from now in the story. Manhattan is just sad in this movie. All his rage and his indifference are gone. He's just sad. He tells her the future and he's sad about it. And now, 99 Luftballoons so we don't forget it's the 80's.
B: This wasn't how this happened in the comic EITHER. Zacque Snyder and his love of throwing random songs into movies with no regard for how they might impact the mood.
M: So Lori is having dinner with Dreiberg just like Jon told her too. I'm giving up on spelling any names right as of right now.
B: They reminisce about their young days when they fought crime and dressed up like lunatics and all that stuff. Ah those days are behind us. We're in our 40's but in the movie we're like 25. Jon thinks there's gonna be nuclear war and also he can't fix my bad acting. They turned Laurie into such a sexy lamp in this movie. They strip everything away from her that made her interesting. I am laurie, I am GIRL. Who needs oxygen when you have another man's money.
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You so. Fuckin. Precious. When you. Smile.
M: The Sound of Silence begins playing. We both laugh and denounce Zaeck Snyder and the horse he rode in on.
B: Should have been Take me to Church. I didn't realize how awful the soundtracking was in this movie the first time. They just throw in recognizable songs.
M: Comedian is getting buried. Rorschach is here and Manhattan and Dreiberg. And Simon and Garfunkle. It's not making this scene better. It's making it so much worse. Lori has been randomly teleported to her mothers with zero context. Her mother is Carla Gugino who deserves better than being in this fucking movie. They quote dialogue right from the comic. Did Zaquery Snyder write ANY dialogue for this movie? Her old age makeup is fucking awful and she is overacting this so hard.
B: And then we have the flashback to old days where the Comedian tries to rape her. The entire purpose of this flashback in one sentence. That's the plot point. From the comic. That we need to get into the movie somehow. I suppose they're going for show don't tell. At the moment i'm just focused on how it extends this torturous experience.
M: I have a lot of issues with this part. He beats her far more severely in the movie. They start the scene almost making it look like she did ask for it with all the slow undressing. It's so fucking unnecessary.
B: And then Hooded Justice comes in and this doesn't make sense in the movie when Comedian asks him if he gets off on this. But since they don't get into this in the movie...I think they're just trying to get us to go OH THE COMEDIAN IS A BAD GUY, HE'S SUCH A BAD GUY. We can get that. Why does everything in this movie take so long?
M: Everyone is having flashbacks to their time with Eddie. Manhattan is blowing up the entirety of the viet cong while the Comedian shoots people and Ride of the Valkyries is playing for no reason.
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In awe at the size of this lad.
B: NEXT TIME YOU INVITE JON.
M: And then we get the Comedian is a horrible person but AGAIN because he's gonna shoot this woman he knocked up and Jon doesn't stop him. Jon is so fucking ripped that even fuzzed out in the background you can see every muscle.
B: They tell the story of how Eddie got his scar even though he doesn't...have it in the movie? Yeah I killed that woman I knocked up but you didn't stop me because you don't care and well...you're not wrong.
M: And now Veidt gets to have HIS flashback so we can be sure that the Comedian really was an asshole. The Comedian informs everyone that their plan is garb while Jon and Laurel Ann make goo goo eyes at each other which will become relevant an hour ago because they're obviously a couple NOW. He sets Ozymandias’ (Veidt's) map on fire to emphasize his point.
B: Ozymandias will remember that. Watchmen would make a great Telltale game. And Dan has his American Dream flashback where the Comedian is helping with crowd control and we don't care what's going on because the Comedian looks DAMN HOT. In slow mo.
M: Biscuit's thirst meter has increased tenfold.
B: What happened to the American Dream? You're looking at it. Just as beefy and greasy as I imagined it. He had a really nice arm vein going on in that scene. I have a gif of that for uh...research purposes. Very swole.
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Pictured: The American Dream
M: I just realized that I don't really thirst after anyone in this movie. The comedian is hot because Jeffrey Dean Morgan but my thirst level is so low comparatively. The only main chick is Malin Ackerman and uh...no.
B: You're getting gayer the older you get.
M: I can't even deny that.
B: Moloch! He's a former supervillian of sorts and Rorschach is chasing him down because uh...I don't know. He just shows up and is like Hey fuck you buddy.
M: I still want an explanation for why Moloch alone has pointed ears. Nobody else in the entire movie has that kind of deformity.
B: And he's like The Comedian just showed up in my house! He was drunk and crying! We've all been there. We've all broken into our former nemesis's house drunk and crying. Maybe that's just me...
M: Except that's what really happened....
B: And the Comedian is like - I did some fucked up shit but this is worse! The shit this unnamed bad guy is doing worse! And he says that Moloch and Manhattan’s old girlfriend are on some mysterious list!
M: It's Veidt. Rorschach tries to nail Moloch for taking a medication made from apricot pits. Which are POISONOUS BTW, DO NOT EAT THEM. Rorschach spends fucking ten more minutes slow mo fucking monologuing about shit we already know and JUST SAW. There's so much extra shit in this movie that does not need to be here. He sounds like fucking Wolverine. Is that Hollis?
B: I can't even tell because this movie is SO DARK. We get a feeble attempt to connect newspaper man and the animated comic.
M: At least it's less jarring. Comic man drools excessively for no reason. They're even leaving bits of THIS story out and making it even weirder and more disparate than it needs to be. Fucking why.
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The nightmares, they never stop.
M: Okay Jesus they went from that straight to Loorie and Jon trying to have sexxors and this is so wrong and out of place. And then Jon is six people.
B: god. jon. stop. what are u doing? I took a theatre class in high school and all those kids were better actors than Malin Ackerman. Which is bad because Laurie is an integral character in Watchmen. This happened way earlier and this is why she ran away to Dan in the comic, but it's fine. It's fine. Whatever. I don't care. She gets mad but not really because acting.
M: Jon underacts but that's his entire thing. This is so disjointed. Jon is teleporting reactors to Karnak while they argue. This will be relevant later.
B: Three bepis, no FOUR! Too much bepis for my needs. Or not enough...
M: Jesus Christ.
B: And NOW laurie shows up at dan's place. We needed to drag this out because we were REALLY stretching to get this movie to feature length, y’know?? We were really scraping at the bottom of the Watchmen barrel for content. There's just not enough material to get a good long juicy film out of it.
M: Can we just skip this whole part? I'll summarize. Laurie and Dan spend half an hour whining at each other because Laurie and Jon had a fight and they kinda wanna bang but that will take three hours to get to as well for no good goddamn reason. Meanwhile Jon is putting on a suit to do a tv interview.
B: There's a lot of scenes of Dan and Laurie but there's no chemistry at all between them and there's no buildup to their actual relationship. Even Dan is so nothing in this movie and I liked him. And there's an article from the comic because this is JUST LIKE THE COMIC.
M: Why are they...oh they're going to Hollis...but this isn't how it happened. They literally make this longer for no reason.
B: I know it would be really hard to cut anything from Watchmen, because pretty much everything is significant - there's no material that can really be removed that wouldn’t be missed in the final product. BUUUT they just added a whole ton of meaningless shit to this damn movie! At the expense of scenes we actually wanted! Dr Manhattan has his tv interview. This is not gonna go well. Everyone is like wtf are you talking about Jon. Dan and Lori beat up a bunch of thugs because uh...they're living for thrills?
M: Some reporter dude stands up and starts shit with Manhattan. He accuses him of giving everyone cancer. I'm sorry I caused all that cancer. You'd think Jon would KNOW whether or not he caused cancer...he was a fucking physicist.
B: Jon doesn't know whether or not he's radioactive. Spoiler alert: he ain't. He's just had his intrinsic fields removed - really simple procedure, like taking out the appendix.
M: *cronches pizza rolls*
B: A lot less screen time for Janey Slater in the movie, too. She's like "PRETTY PATTIES TURNED MY FACE PURPLE!!!" and then Doc Manhattan teleports everyone out of the studio because he's very emotional rn. That makes...one person in this movie with intense emotions.
M: You're right there...nobody in this movie really shows much in the way of emotion. Everyone's just sorta like "well, the world's going to shit - huh." I REALLY don't like the way they incorporated Tales of the Black Freighter into this movie.
B: Idec what's happening in this stupid anime. Man wants to get home before the freighter. Builds raft out of bloated corpses. Freaky eyes. It's supposed to parallel various elements of the 'real world' storylines but it's so jarring that drawing those connections becomes nigh on impossible. In the comic, panels from TotBF were often right alongside panels from the main story, but you couldn't really do something like that in a movie. They also still don't really do anything with the newspaper corner bits.
M: Did they actually show Dr. Manhattan leaving Earth?
B: No. Not yet.
M: So they just throw us into this scenario?
B: Yep. Dr. Manhattan got ANGERY and was like "y'know what? I'm going to Mars to deliver some exposition!! Way later than this happened in the comic, but who gives a flying fuck??" And we sorta get the explanation of the way Jon perceives time - but again, much less effective than it was in the comic. Everything in this movie is so DARK. 'Dark and gritty' doesn't usually refer to the visuals of a story.
M: Jon got stuck in an experimental machine where they were doing SCIENCE. He got disintegrated.
B: Just look at the SYMBOLISM...I mean, uh, the time. Jon's narration sounds like ASMR. He eventually manages to reassemble himself, but now he's blue....and nAkEd.
M: This giant naked blue dude shows up and Janey is just like "Jon?? Is that you??"
B: Jon is super-powerful, so the govt lords him as a weapon and uses him to help end the Vietnam war, and a lot of references to nuclear power.
M: I know his symbol is supposed to be a hydrogen atom, but it kinda looks like the power button on an Xbox.
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Particle man, particle man...
B: This movie feels significantly gorier than the comic...which is not necessary. Janey is worried about how powerful Jon is - or she just wants him to put some fuckin' pants on.
M: Speaking of things that take you out of the movie - Jon's ENTIRE backstory in one flashback. Worked in the comic, not in the movie.
B: Jon macks on a 16 year old girl and is like - why is this a problem? My girlfriend is getting old, I gotta get a new one. Also I'm tired of earth. Going to mars.
M: We literally zoom out from Jon's ass crack.
B: There is no reason to put a physical or cgi camera that close to anyone's ass crack.
M: Jon has fucked off and now they're interrogating Laurie about where he went. She randomly assaults one of them because she can? Why are we having this slo mo smoking moment? And now another flashback to the Comedian... oh right, we have to have Laurie's version of why this guy was a douchebag.
B: Eddie's like, you think I'd fuck my daughter? And Sally is like - yah you might.
M: The gubmint is freaking out because their giant blue naked nuclear weapon has gone to Mars. I hate the Nixon makeup so much. He looks so fake. They wasted their budget on Manhattan's cock. I can't believe we still have 2 hours of this shit left.
B: (separate tangent about her cat) I'd rather focus on my cat than this movie. Why is this scene happening? Why is it significant? Is it supposed to increase the tension with the whole nuclear war thing??
M: I don't know. Why is it going on for so long? They figured out he's on mars because there's a blue spot? Uh...Laurie is beating up a guy and chaining him to a radiator? What....What did that have to do with ANYTHING? The gubmint is now attacking Veidt for trying to create free energy...?
B: This scene is just for Ozymandias to explain his backstory...I guess??
M: I honestly have no idea what's going on.
B: It's supposed to parallel the scene in the comic where he talks about Alexander the Great and stuff...
M: This happened at the END of the comic tho.
B: But here it's just...confusing. The choices they made just generally leave you feeling confused. Not like the comic did. It's ‘Vight’. I'm right.
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Adrian Veidt is gay is the most discussed in the media in the few years ago.
M: Oh and now the scene where a hitman shows up disguised as a pizza guy so we can slow mo more totally excessive gore.
B: There was plenty of violence in the comic but...you can be dark and edgy without being this damn gory. Dan and Laurie have yet another meaningless conversation at a table and now Dan is suddenly on board with Rorshach's paranoia??
M: And Dan invites her to come over but in the comic she literally ran to him immediately after Jon left. Jesus now Rorshach is fucking monologuing again. They're fucking with the order of events again and it's pissing me off.
B: They don't seem to do it with any rhyme or reason. You have to make changes to adapt to a medium but there's zero apparent reason for the changes in chronology...
M: Rorschach breaks into Moloch's house so he can get caught again. Why the fuck would Moloch know about any of this??
B: But Moloch is dead. It was a SET UP.
M: I'm losing all plot cohesiveness because of all this nonsense. I can't remember what actually happened. Ten minutes of Rorshach slow mo fighting his way out but he's gonna get caught because Veidt organized all this but they don't tell you that in the movie because of reasons.
B: We're not explaining a lot of the plot because it's happening so slowly. They caught Rorschach. They takin' im to prison.
M: Rorschach don't care. He got shit to do. And now maybe back to the animation...? Yes.
B: They do like 1/16th of this shit with the newstand corner. They should have just not at all done it. They just seem like framing to put the Black Freighter in there.
M: Except they don't do it every time, and that makes it worse. And they made weird ass changes to this story too. It's supposed to parallel what's happening in the main story but it's making NO SENSE.
B: This also adds nothing to the story and it breaks the immersion.
M: It mostly seems like an excuse to be gross. And now for Rorschach's mental health evaluation.
B: He's psycho bonkers crazy. Part of the concept of Watchmen is that everyone has issues. The complex psychology.
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Look inside your local garbage and you may find a friend and boy.
M: Aw who cares about that. Let's shoot off some more fingers! We get his entire backstory in very very short flashbacks. He's still nuts.
B: This was over the course of quite a while in the comic.
M: Yeah but suddenly we're pressed for time in the seven hour long movie so we gotta condense his entire story into a ten minute scene. Which makes this feel rushed, which is fucking weird considering how drawn out every fucking thing in this movie is.
B: The comic felt like a bunch of stories being told at once but all tying in together at a certain point. Convergent stories The movie feels like a bunch of different stories that happen and then they're over. They're not tying anything together. (Biscuits starts singing Linkin Park because this part is so fucking dark)
M: So he's telling this story about how he killed a guy for kidnapping a girl and Biscuits is looking up the name of that song because she can't remember what it's called and still singing.
B: It's called Shadow of the Day...it’s like the one Linkin Park song I know
M: Okay. And Rorschach is gonna....kill this guy with a hatchet???
B: That is NOT how that happened. He tied him up and set that house on fire. But now he's gonna hit that guy in the head 20 times. And now he's Rorschach. There is no Laura, only Zuul.
M: ...Dana!!
B: Oh...Dana....is that from...
M: Ghostbusters!
B: I didn't wanna say it and have you be like - No it's from the Exorcist!
M: That would have been pretty funny in the exorcist. There is no Pazuzu, only Zuul.
B: Rorschach delivers the iconic line - I'm not locked in here with you, you're locked in here with me. The angrier he gets the more gravelly his voice gets. Meanwhile back at the ranch...Lori looks at Dan's shit.
M: You gotta be more specific. In this movie it might be actual shit. She's looking at this ship.
B: He's got some cool etchings, and a stamp collection. She sets things on fire. In the comic she thought it was the cigarette lighter. That's not how you put out a fire.
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Laurie is an expert firefighter.
M: She doesn't have any brains.
B: She's an animatronic being controlled offscreen. Everything is so bland in this movie. We really aren't given any reasons to connect with Dan and Laurie.
M: This scene isn't helping either. It's boring and we don't care what's happening because we don't fucking care about Dan and Looooooorie. I can't think of a couple with less chemistry than these two.
B: Do you know what this means??
M: Yes.
B: We're getting close to the sex scene. It's like a case study in how not to do a sex scene in a movie. It's like the most awkward horrible thing that can be done. These scenes were in the comic, but not like this.
M: They're not gonna bang right now anyway because Dan can't get it up because uh...Adrian isn't doing gymnastics in the background and Unforgettable isn't playing.
B: Patrick Wilson's titty.
M: Did we really need to...
B: It's okay. Patrick Wilson is reasonably attractive. I would give those titties a six. Maybe a seven. Compared to having to see Malin Ackerman's tits, I would give them an 11. They're better than Manhattan's tits, which are cgen and disgustingly hyperdetailed.
M: BACK TO RORSCHACH. Who is being threatened by a little person named Big Figure because that's fucking funny. I guess. But it's also canon. And now Dan's dreaming but there's no actual meaning here because they do it wrong.
B: It really would have been better to put that in there after Dan and Laurie stop trying to bang instead of going to Rorschach?
M: And then IMMEDIATELY back to the animated parts with NO warning.
B: That was the worst editing I've ever seen. Sharks are eating the corpse boat.
M: I'm so confused. How did that shark get back up into the boat thing....
B: Who the fuck cares anymore.
M: Back to reality?? Snoop Dogg threatens the comic reading man because uh...
B: Snap back to reality...OH there goes gravity...something about spaghetti. And now back to Dan who is staring naked at his suit. There's too many behinds in this movie.
M: Are you gonna rate it?
B: I like plenty of naked behinds in other contexts.
M: I'm not even gonna ask.
B: Dreiberg is pretty ripped for being supposedly flabby and old. Laurrrrrie decides they should go fight crime.
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Unfortunately, Malin Akerman.
M: Night Owl's costume is so bad. Like Ozymandias’ costume and...most of the costumes.
B: Laurie's costume is mostly see through because she can't fight crime if she's not sexy. We don't get any explanation of Dan's bird love in the movie. He's a good bird boy. That's a tongue twister.
M: They're saving people from a fire. I kinda want to go take a nap.
B: Why is he shooting into the burning building???
M: I don't know! Oh it's a water tower.
B: I thought he was just shooting up a burning building.
M: I'm sorry but she would be DEAD from that backdraft. There is no way. So now they gotta drop people off so they can bang in the owlship. Which I don't wanna see. SKIP.
B: This isn't how this happened in the comic at all.
M: Back to Rorschach again. They don't do the whole language pun thing which was so fucking cool in the comic. Big Figure. Small world. Why is all Rorschach's shit cut out??? Don't tell me they didn't have time. They see one dead guy and they know Rorschach is alive?
B: Professional dead guy appraiser.
M: Oh yeah there's a whole prison riot going on but we don't know why in the movie because they don't explain it.
B: Now Dan and Lari are gonna beat up some guys but it's so fucking dark it's like I'm watching Fan4stic. More slow mo.
M: They had to cut Rorschach's story to make time for all the slow mo.
B: I hate Night Owl's outfit. Leri's doesn't look anything like the comic either. I punched that guy! I'm a strong independent woman!
M: Rorschach goes to kill Big Figure in the bathroom which also fucks up what happened in the comic. Luri calls Rorschach an idiot and they start bitch fighting but Dan is like come on we gotta go. We have an hour left. We have to start building each other up.
B: (sings Livin' on a prayer )
M: NOT HOW THIS HAPPENED EITHER. Jon shows up after they get back and kidnaps Liri to mars where there's no air because he's a dick like that.
B: Diet bepis.
M: Laurie somehow knows she's on Mars because there's a giant glass sculpture there. Like on Mars. You know. Back to Snoop and his gang who randomly decide to take out Night Owl but pick the wrong one and beat up Hollis. Poor Hollis.
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Yep, definitely Mars.
B: Obviously the editors don't care about the timeline either. Liri's mother is on the phone with Hollis talking about what happened the night before but I thought this was the same night? Who genuinely cares?
M: This movie is rated almost 5 stars on Amazon. You go Hollis, punch at least one of em!
B: The gang beats up Hollis and kills him because it's JUST LIKE THE COMIC. Hollis has flashbacks while he's getting killed. And killed by his own award. But we don't get the scene where he GOT the award. It's fine. I'm not mad.
M: Back to fucking Rorschach and Dan and Laurie and I'm tired of typing that sentence. Rorschach suddenly is sure it's the pyramid people doing all the bad but he has no fucking evidence? Dan lays the smack down and the bromance can continue.
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Just like back in college...
B: We're just two dudes in a rad bromance....They're going to an underworld bar because they're looking for seedy dudes.
M: How would these dudes even know about the pyramid thing?
B: That's just how Rorschach do. Follow the money. Rorschach writes a lot of youtube conspiracy videos.
M: Dan finds out some dude helped kill Hollis.
B: Also back on Mars...ugh..his dick is moving back and forth and I know that’s realistic but ugh...It’s different when it’s just a still panel in a comic and not...this...you're made of molecular nothingness, can't you just suck it up into your body or something?
M: Back on Mars Jon goes on his seven hour long predestination trip while his dick wiggles.
B: Jon I have feelings, pls believe me.
M: You can't fucking...you can't...you can't fucking take all this dialogue and re-arrange it and make it work. It doesn't work, now it just seems empty and nobody cares. Lauree was having a total breakdown because Jon wanted HER to make him save the entire earth and now just stand there looking bored.
B: Dan and Ror have broken into Veidt's office searching for answers. Dan is an expert hacker. Creator's name was Jeff Jeff, born on the eighth of Jeff, 19-Jeffity-Jeff. So I put in 'Jeff'.
M: Do they even mention in the movie that Adrian Veidt is supposed to be like, the 'smartest man in the world'? Actually, we don't really learn anything about Veidt in this movie...What do we really know about him? He's rich? He makes plans? Possibly homosexual?
B: *Hacker voice* I'm in. Boys Folder, iconic. Veidt doesn't really keep his most secret government and corporate secrets very...well-hidden. Next to his boys, yanno.
M: Adrian had a team of like three people in the comic. His suit...
B: It has nip- It has NIPPLES!!!
M: *chokes to death laughing* I've never heard anyone so angry about nipples in my whole life.
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A toast, to my suit’s nipples.
B: Did Batman and Robin teach the human race nothing???!!? Nipples on superhero costumes = a bad idea. Veidt has killed all his scientists. AND NOW - My Bubastis rant. Whhyyyyy is Bubastis in this fucking movie??????? She just shows up in this scence with NO EXPLANATION. Just, "oh hey...Ozymandias has a giant mutant lynx." and why would she even EXIST in this continuity - he doesn't need the eugenics program in this version of the story. Was he just like "I want a mutant cat, please make me one."
M: How do we still have 50 minutes of movie left??? Oh, I guess...Tales of the Black Freighter. This is still going on. Crazy guy has reached land and kills some people, believing his hometown has been taken over....who really cares. Was there really anyone clamoring for them to put this into the movie?
B: *basically says nothing for this entire bit*
M: *basically says nothing for this entire bit*
B: NO TRANSITIONS, YEAH!
M: Now we're back to have the least impassioned discussion about saving the world ever. "Jon, no, everyone will die...." That's not how this happened - that's not how ANY of this happened. Y'know what, Jon, ya big naked blue freak...
B: Laurie sounds like a teenager who's mad that her parents won't buy her a car.
M: "Do that thing you do..." This is making me irrationally angry, and I've seen this TWICE.
B: This part makes me SO mad. Irrationally mad. They fuck this up so much. We do not get any context to explain how much Laurie hated the Comedian, and why him being her father is such a big deal.
M: Also, in the comic, it was a big deal that Laurie had this realization of her own volition. It came naturally as she tried to fight back her past memories (which were not at all like this), instead of just being magically brought out by Jon.
B: They completely squander Laurie's biggest moment of emotional development, in turn squandering Jon's turning point in deciding to save the world
M: I liked the whole snowglobe bit in the comic...I thought that was like really powerful, but in this she just...throws a temper tantrum.
B: Ugly cry face. At least...I think she's crying. Might just have smelled some expired doppelganger. Jon's speech about life is also...rushed. And they leave out my favorite line. “Come, dry your eyes, for you are life - rarer than a quark and unpredictable beyond the dreams of Heisenberg.”
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Acting, I think...
M: Laurie looks like she doesn't understand a single thing Jon's saying to her right now. "Jon...you're talking science again, and I don't understand it."
B: I've already complained about the inappropriate scoring. It hasn't gotten any better.
M: So Dan and Ror are heading to Antartica at record fucking speed. Rorschach tries to tell Dan how to drive the fucking ship Dan designed and built. All Along the Watchtower is playing at record loudness for no reason. Somehow they made it to Antartica in five minutes.
B: They're heeeeeere.
M: If Veidt knew they were coming why wouldn't he just open the door instead of letting them fry it with lasers? Veidt is sitting there pretending that he doesn't notice them creeping in to kill him. Suddenly we are shown that Veidt is somehow some superhuman fighter and gymnast which wasn't included in the movie at all.
B: Come on and SLAM. Hello there, sailors.
M: And now for some exposition while a vigorous swordfight is going on. Not really. Veidt is still going on and on about how smart he is and how he organized all this shit.
B: As with any mystery, it ends with the villian explaining how he did everything.
M: In the comic he literally says he's not a comic villian and wouldn't do that, but you know.
B: I could have sworn there was an alien in here....like there was something vaguely about an alien?? This is alien invader erasure and I will not tolerate it. That would break the suspension of disbelief, I guess. If Veidt wanted to make an alien and use that to unite the world.
M: Yeah that would be bonkers, especially in a world where giant naked blue men with god powers exist.
B: He is smart enough not to monologue BEFORE he pulled off his evil plan.
M: And now we see earth exploding or whatever because of Veidt and uh...suddenly we're back at the fucking animated comic.
B: The whole idea of him uniting the world against Manhattan just doesn't click for me. The alien was supposed to be neutral, to be anomalous. It also doesn't make sense that he would drive Jon to leave earth.
M: Way to pull us the fuck out of the super important ending. Slow zoom back out to the kid reading the comic who complains that it makes no sense. I feel you kid.
B: They're trying to pull everything together here with the clock and the therapist guy and everything but it was all crushed by the alien invader but now it's just Dr Manhattan's..energy force?? But they'll be able to recognize that it was Manhattans? Didn't they know that Veidt was trying to use his energy too??
M: Yes.
B: Oh it's bad. Oh no.
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Bubastis’ one moment in the movie...
M: Jon and Lurie return to earth post uh..time bomb or whatever. Jon realizes the energy signature is here. He is not muddled or confused or anything though like he is in the book, so he just immediately goes to Antartica to kick Veidt's ass but then immediately goes through the intrinsic field subtractor like a fucking moron. Why would this even effect Jon? Why would the smartest man alive not figure out that it wouldn't work?
B: Laurie says things....she shoots Veidt but he catches the bullet because he's uh..just that radical. Stuff is happening.
M: For not being a comic book villian Veidt is super fucking acting like a goddamn comic book villian. Jon shows up all super huge now and he's kinda mad at Veidt. But not that mad. Veidt uses his magical remote control to show melty face Nixon demanding peace.
B: And this works because...why not?
M: Because the fucking movie has to end SOMETIME. In the comic there were hundreds of screens showing everything but you know...America. Veidt is like - this is our victory Jon and Jon SHOULD be like - you used me to blow people up dude. Fuck you.
B: Uh uh, can't do that, you'll screw up the peace! Rorschach is like fuck no, I ain't keeping this a secret.
M: I'd side with Rorschach with this tbh, Veidt is a fucking madman. He's like the fucking Governor from the Walking Dead. Ror goes out to try and tell the world but Jon kills him.
B: But of course he wouldn't do that, he told the world 35 minutes ago!
M: He literally did. Rorschach explodes and Dan gets all sad. That was my favorite Rorschach! Now Patrick Wilson's ugly cry face.
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I loved that Rorschach like a Rorschach...
B: Jon decides to leave and Laurie is like but why and he's like - well I can't go back to earth NOW.
M: I don't understand why Dan is trying to kick Veidt's ass now. He already agreed to let the mass murder slide. Veidt seems unconcerned.
B: We don't get the whole nothing ever ends quote either, which was a big deal in the comic.
M: They fucked the ending hard though. Like with a chainsaw.
B: They fucked the whole movie hard. With like 17 giant dicks. This shit is way fucked.
M: So I guess Dan and Lbrbbrie go back home? And visit her mom cos you know.
B: And all the reconciliation Lrry had to do in the comic is reduced to one pathetic encounter with her mother. And it means NOTHING because we only get one little scene where Loree is SAD. The whole movie is this way. It's just a bunch of stuff that HAPPENS.
M: I don't give a shit about any of these characters. There's a lot of Lyrie and Dan kissy facing and talking about stuff that doesn't matter now.
B: Nothing ever ends but that's not..at all the way it was supposed to be done...at all.
M: WHY ISN'T THIS OVER, GOD. Straight outta the fucking comic we get the last bit where the greasy kid pulls Rorschach's fucking notebook out of the crank file to publish it so 30 years later they could write the mess that is Doomsday Clock.
B: Not EVEN gonna get into that. That's a whole other screaming fit. But that’s a comic, not a movie.
M: *AGGRESSIVE HEADBANGING TO DESOLATION ROW*
B: *AGGRESSIVE HEADBANGING TO DESOLATION ROW*
M: I don't have any closing thoughts. I'm tired of typing. I hate this movie. I hate what they do to every fucking Alan Moore venture. He deserves better. Write less deep shit Alan and they might actually do you right one day.
B: I find the existence of this movie to be a highly overrated phenomenon. I do, however, fucking love the My Chemical Romance cover of Desolation Row.
Munch and Biscuits out, yo.
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emilywatchescursedshow · 3 years ago
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S2 E11 - Playthings
Creepy house, creepy girls, creepy dolls
This is one hell of a dollhouse. I hope these girls are just palying their own little Twilight Zone epsodes with these dolls. Uhoh the doll fell down the stairs and the guys neck is broken. Gross. Little girl continues to look.
I hope this is like haunted toy story.
Oh her name is spelled “Ava”
Hotel with freak accidents
More.. angst? What the hell is Dean talking about? The post-Jess routine? That’s a very different situation
“That attitude is way to healthy for me” Dean shut up.
So I guess instead of “find dad” we have “find ava” as our thru-line that we’re purposely avoiding for MOTW episodes
Yes hoodoo “white bread”
Good lord more awkward queer jokes Dean is having a mental breakdown he needs to recover from
The man is just dragging Dean’s bag behind him on the ground and I love him for it
Yes tip the man who rubbed a hole in your bag
“Of course the most troubling question is why do these people assume we’re gay.” “You are kind of butch. Probably think you’re overcompensating.” Wow lines that just completely re-write a character interpretation huh.
Is it the butler?
“Yes and” Dean with this Sam. It’s a very weak “yes and”
TAKE YOUR CAST OFF SAM WINCHESTER
WHY DO THEY HAVE A CUSTOM BUILT EXACT REPLICA OF THE HOTEL in a doll house?
Grandma Rose and then creepy shot of an old lady in a chair.
After the incident with propping the skinz channel brochure on the TV Sam you can’t be mad at Dean for telling you not to surf porn
They want to demolish the hotel.
Creepy little girl with her creepy little doll. Ah yes creepy haunted house... some nice smoke and light filtering. She’s summing ring around the rosy. Oh uhoh guy’s dying. Guess we don’t get to see what killed him.
Something’s wrong with Sam. Is Sam drunk? He just called Dean “Bossy and short” like honestly. Sam’s healthy attitude is evaporating. Oh I see he thinks that he can rid himself of the demon by doing good deeds?
“Dad’s an ass - you don’t do that, you don’t lay that kind of crap on your kids” Dean why are you saying things that actually make sense
“Everyone around me dies” yes Sam you work in the job of people dying. People around you are going to die.
Dean is obviously lying. Why the hell did Jarp grip Dean’s lip like that?? Also some very good “I’m worried about Sam” acting from Jackles
Dean Winchester would not be caught dead in pre-ripped jeans which those definitely are. The bartender is having a drink with Dean. It’s almost like this is the Shining or something.
I love this creepy old man so much.
Getting Rose backstory. Oh apparently she had a Black Nanny which is why there’s hoodoo in this “whitebread” place amazing.
Sam mixed... whiskey and jaeger
I don’t think it’s Rose I think its the old man. Who I love. Sam’s skyrim lockpicking again... that’s twice in a row.
Creepy creepy stairs, creepy creepy attic, creepy creepy old lady watching the creepy creepy rain
It’s never the creepy old lady this isn’t silent hill. Sam can diagnose a stroke. No it’s not Rose it’s the other lady. Or... it’s the other daughter. Who is.. imaginary? I guess that makes sense based on how they’ve been framing the character appearances in the episode. Only one swing swaying in the breeze is very creepy so this lady just walks toward it? Oh both swings are swinging now.
Is she going to get run over by her own car or not is the question. Why is she crying???
Sam came just in the nick of time I guess his demon count is down one.
Dean getting distracted by technicalities. Same.
Maggie is imaginary. I see. She’s gloating to the old lady because she’s planning on, murdering the daughter so they haunt the hotel together?
Drowned in the pool
Maggie convincing Tyler to kill herself is pretty dark. There’s like a tarp over the pool? Oh that’s actually way more horrifying
She fought her way free that’s pretty rad of her but now she’s being straight up drowned
Uhoh someone was calling for Maggie who could it be
You need to get the water out of her lungs fast start CPR
Oh I guess she just .. is alive.
Apparently Ruby is going to die for Maggie so they can be together.
Yeah grandma is dead unfortunately
The lady just left two strange men alone with her dead mother
I want the butler to come back
What exactly have they given her that counts as “everything”
“whatever is going on must be over” mmhmmm
Dean’s just happy someone got a hug “milf action” i hate this show
Dean’s number one character trait is just Avoid
What is happening now?? Do we get some extra hauntings? Some bonus spooks? THE OLD MAN????
No they’re just playing jump rope together forever.
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aion-rsa · 4 years ago
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Warrior Season 2 Episode 5 Review: Not for a Drink, a F*ck, or a G*damn Prayer
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This Warrior review contains spoilers.
Warrior Season 2 Episode 5
The episode opens with Li Yong (Joe Taslim) doing some shirtless Kung Fu but the scene is too short to determine what style he is doing. Perhaps it’s something just made up for Warrior. Taslim’s background is in in Judo, not Kung Fu, but that doesn’t matter. He looks great doing whatever he’s doing and it’s a promising opening for this episode.
The previous two episodes lacked enough Kung Fu to satisfy dedicated Bruce Lee fans. Fortunately, this episode makes up for that and then some. It’s the strongest episode in Season 2 so far, both dramatically and choreographically.
It’s a rough one for Penny (Joanna Vanderham) as her world collapses. As she inspects the devastation of Mercer Steel after Leary’s (Dean Jagger) terrorist bombing, she asks Jacob (Kenneth Fok) “What is that terrible smell?” It’s a line that betrays naivete about opium. Opium is derived from poppy seed pod sap and it has a distinctive floral smell like fine perfume. Warrior can be forgiven for the oversight because its exceedingly rare to find opium on the streets anymore. Nowadays, it’s much more profitable to synthesize it into pharmaceutical opiates or heroin. 
Nevertheless, Penny’s comment allows Jacob to reveal that the offensive odor is opium, exposing Ah Sahm’s (Andrew Koji) deception. The betrayal cuts deep and later, when Ah Sahm comes to survey the damage for himself, Penny threatens to scream, knowing full well that it would be the end of Ah Sahm because of racial profiling. Their relationship has soured tragically since their affair in Season 1. Later, the Mayor (Christian McKay) inspects the damage too. He’s lawyered up and lets Penny know that late delivery negates the Cable Car contract. Penny begs the Mayor, but he says he’ll be happy to see her at home.
In more opium developments, Lee (Tom Weston-Jones) stumbles into SFPD looking awful after his first puffs of opium, just as O’Hara (Kieran Bew) and the force prepare to take revenge on the Fung Hai for the raid on his home. O’Hara orders Lee to be straight for the raid that night. Meanwhile, Flannagan (David Butler) pays a visit to Leary, implying that he knows Leary is behind the bombings. He tells him to stop but Leary stands his ground, reversing blame to the politicians who drove his people to such desperate measures. 
Warrior Wine and Women
Ah Toy (Olivia Cheng) visits Nellie’s (Miranda Raison) Sonoma winery (a journey which would take days to get to from Chinatown without the Bay bridges, none of which were erected at the time when Warrior is set). Nevertheless, it’s a pleasant break from the oppressive ghetto sets of Warrior’s Chinatown. Seeing the beautiful refuge that Nellie has built, Ah Toy gets misty, remembering her grandmother growing tomatoes.
This, like the bridges, is historically awkward because tomatoes are a New World crop. They came into China a little over a century ago. Warrior is set around a century and a half ago, so while it is possible that Ah Toy’s grandmother farmed tomatoes in China at that time, it’s unlikely. Nellie finds Ah Toy who escaped to the cask room. She gives her a taste of her wine, makes her move and they start snogging. Wait…what? It’s a great ‘didn’t see that one coming’ moment for Warrior, exactly the sort of soap operatic twist that makes for good TV. Where this might lead is anyone’s guess. 
The Raid Redemption
Chao’s (Hoon Lee) plan to set up Zing (Dustin Nguyen) and the Fung Hai comes to pass and it’s a delicious bit of ultraviolence. With the SFPD waiting for his signal outside, Chao delivers Zing’s blades as promised, with two of Chao’s delivery men being Long Zii in disguise. One is Li Yong. Zing gets suspicious when Chao refuses to be overpaid, and his men restrain Chao and force him to drink mare’s milk. Meanwhile, the Long Zii men kill some Fung Hai so Li Yong can plant Ah Toy’s sword. But the bodies are discovered, and the gig is up. Unleash the mayhem. Li Yong starts methodically taking out Fung Hai men on a staircase. All bloody hell breaks loose with lots of stabbing through the head and a brutal eye gouge.
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Warrior, Snake Eyes, and What’s Next for Andrew Koji
By Gene Ching
Chao, who has been suffering a beating at the hands of the Fung Hai, has something up his sleeve. It’s the James West style Wild Wild West sleeve derringer mechanism he showed off way back in Episode 4 “The White Mountain” Why the Fung Hai didn’t feel those when they were holding down Chao’s arms is anyone’s guess but it delivers a great kill line when Chao reveals that he has not just one, but two, one up each sleeve. The gunshots signal the cops and they come charging in, guns blazing. The Fung Hai attempt to beat them back with long knives and arrows, but they’re no match for O’Hara’s shotgun, Lee’s revolver, and the rest of the SFPD’s firepower. 
Then it happens – the fight that martial arts fans have been eagerly awaiting – Li Yong versus Zing.
Nguyen and Taslim are the two most prominent martial arts stars on the show. Nguyen had made it as an actor long before he showed off his martial talent. Ironically, his first martial role was in a Levi’s commercial where he spoofed Bruce Lee. Since then, he starred in some groundbreaking Vietnamese martial arts films like The Rebel and Once Upon a Time in Vietnam (which he also wrote and directed) as well as Justin Lin’s hilarious Finishing the Game where he played an actor aspiring to replace Bruce Lee and finish Game of Death.
Taslim exploded into the martial arts movie genre with The Raid: Redemption and has delivered another great fight film in The Night Comes for Us. He’ll be starring in the upcoming reboot of Mortal Kombat. But despite Nguyen’s previous experience as a Bruce Lee clone, it’s Taslim who does the Chinese boxing shuffle in a nod to the Little Dragon in their match up.
And the duel is worth the wait.
Nguyen and Taslim know how to sell punches and they create a vicious showdown the likes of which is seldom seen on TV. Props must be given to the Second Unit director Brett Chan and his team for choreographing a dynamic and satisfying fight between these two titans of the martial arts. This is one of the best fight scenes that Warrior has delivered so far. There’s also a nice call back to Episode 3 when Li Yong drops the line “Be thankful for your pain. It means you’re still alive.”
O’Hara shoots Zing in the shoulder to disarm him as he wields Ah Toy’s sword. He covertly plants a murder victim’s watch, arousing some suspicion from Lee. But the trap is sprung. Zing is busted the bloody sword in his red hand. Chao’s plan seems to have worked. Later Chao takes his daughter Hannah (Selena Teles-Fernandes) from her prostitute mom and delivers her to Nellie. His near-death experience at the hands of the Fung Hai made him rethink his life. He realizes that his daughter looks white enough to have a chance. Nellie promises to find her a good home.
Back at the Hop Wei, Young Jun is freaking out about the lost opium and Ah Sahm is desperately looking for some way to replenish their supply. Hong pledges his allegiance to them both after cleverly discerning what the issue is through some observation and deduction. The three drink over it in a promising union for future episodes. Ah Sahm goes to Ah Toy for a loan and reveals his plans for the future of the Hop Wei. Ah Toy rejects him and tells him not to meddle anymore. 
The episode ends back in the Barbary Coast Fight Pit where Ah Sahm is beating down a dreadlocked fighter in dramatic slow motion during the rain. It’s an homage shot to The Grandmaster which opened with a slow-motion rain fight that so many shows have emulated since. After the fight, Mai Ling (Dianne Doan) shows up and tries to reconcile with Ah Sahm. She’s still upset about catching Li Yong patching himself up after fighting Zing and realizing that he moved without her consent. However, Ah Sahm is still angry about when Mai Ling ordered his death, so he promises to destroy everything his sister has done. She leaves in tears.
And to think, the whole reason Ah Sahm came to America was to find his sister. Ah Sahm and Mai Ling have the worse sibling rivalry ever.
cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });
After Mai Ling leaves, Vega (Maria-Elena Laas) wonders if she’s Ah Sahm’s lover. Ah Sahm brushes her off but then remembers her offer for a bigger fight purse in some international fight arena. Could this be the solution to redeem the lost opium? It’s a promise of more ultraviolence in an upcoming episode. We can only hope.
The post Warrior Season 2 Episode 5 Review: Not for a Drink, a F*ck, or a G*damn Prayer appeared first on Den of Geek.
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Winchesters in Gotham (one)
“Y/N get out of here!” Sam yells just as the demon shoves you into wooden crate fracturing at least three ribs, while your trying to stand up the demon pulls out a switchblade and tries to stab you in the heart, you rolled out of the way. Instead of your hitting your heart the demon gets you in the bicep causing you to yelp. “Y/N go!” Sam says again as he shoots the demon.
Getting out of the warehouse was easier said then done, you’re fairly weak because you haven’t had a decent meal in at least a week- you were being used as bait for your brothers. The blood loss isn’t helping anything either, black spots dance across your vision. You collapse against the hard ground, out cold because of how much blood you’ve lost. The last thing you remember before blacking out is a masked man with a bat emblem across his chest.
When you come around again you discover that you’re in a hospital and your older brothers are nowhere to be seen. Instead of your brothers is a boy about your age who seems to be watching over you. “Hey.” The kid says when he notices you’re awake.
“Hi…” You meekly answer. “Where am I?”
“Gotham hospital.” The dark haired boy looks at you concerned. “You doing okay?”
“I’ve been better.” You answer, you wince slightly when you move your injured arm. “Who are you?”
“Dick Grayson… and you are?”
“Y/N Winchester.” A man pokes his head into the room and asks if he can talk to Dick for a moment. Dick nods and leaves the room leaving you in silence.
“I don’t like this Dick.” You overhear someone state. The man sounds like he is standing outside your doorway.
“Bruce, we spent two days looking for her family… and within those two days we haven’t found anything!” Dick retorts. Your heart sinks. If Dick and this Bruce person spent two days looking for Sam and Dean without any luck; it more then likely means your brothers already left town… leaving you behind. After a few minutes Dick and this other man walk back into your hospital room. The man introduces himself as Bruce Wayne… and he’s your current legal guardian (reluctantly).
When you’re released from the hospital you realise that you left your phone on the backseat of the impala and you don’t have your brothers’ new numbers memorised yet. Cas isn’t answering your prayers either. 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 You’ve kept to yourself since you came to Wayne manor, sure you would make small talk with Dick every now and then but that was about it. Everyone who lives at Wayne manor is human, you’ve subtly tested them. Saying Christo, giving them salt when they asked for sugar- things like that.
“Hey Y/N,” Dick says one day. “Bruce wants to talk to you.”
“Oh… okay.” You reply getting off your bed and following the dark haired boy. “You wanted to see me Bruce?” You ask softly when you and Dick enter the study.
“Yes.” Bruce answers. He stands up and pushes a hidden button revealing two poles behind the book case. One pole says Dick the other says Bruce. “We hardly tell anyone this but we’re making an exception for you. You’re not an average teenager are you?” Bruce pulls out your gun out of a drawer and sets it down on his desk.
“Huh, I wondered where I put that thing.” You shove your hands into the pockets of your new pants. Bruce was nice enough to buy you a some new clothes so you wouldn’t have to wear the same outfit day in and day out. The red phone on the desk lights up and Bruce calmly answers it. The man on the other line is apparently a police officer.
After Bruce gets off the phone he and Dick make a run for the poles, before Bruce goes down he looks at Alfred, the butler. “She’s allowed in the cave, she’s one of us now.” With that Bruce slides down the pole. Alfred closes the bookcase and leads you to a hidden elevator, and the two of you go down in silence. When you exit the elevator you are shocked when you realise that you are standing in a superhero’s lair. The shock doesn’t last long though… thanks to Dick.
“Oh my god. Dick please put some pants on!” You exclaim looking away from him. Dick is in a black superhero mask, a yellow cape, a red shirt with short green sleeves… the most disturbing part of the outfit is the fact Dick is in his underwear. Which you didn’t want to know the color of.
Surprisingly the costume for Batgirl fits you, but you don’t want to be the next Batgirl. Bruce, well in this case Batman tells you that it’s just a temporary name. 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 -Sam and Dean POV- It’s been a month since the boys last saw you. Your footprints and the blood trail just stopped, the only thing that gave your brothers a hint about what happened to you was the sulfur nearby. Another demon had taken you away from them just when they got you back from one.
“For all we know she might be, might be…” Dean can’t bring himself to say it, you couldn’t be dead. He didn’t want to even think of the possibility that you were dead.
“We’ll find her Dean, we always do.” Sam says placing a hand on his brother’s shoulder. Dean nods playing with your phone in his hand. He found on the floor of the impala next to the place you normally sit. When Cas pops in your brothers look up from what they are doing. “Did you find her?” Sam asks.
“No, I’m sorry.” Cas answers. Dean sets your phone on the table next to him and puts his head in his hands. Guilt of not helping you get to the car safely rises in his chest. Your eldest brother starts to blame himself for your disappearance. Everyone jumps when your phone starts playing (default ringtone). Dean picks it up and sees a number from New Jersey. 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 -Gotham, your POV- Although you don’t want to, when you get a new phone (a gift from Bruce) you dial your old cellphone number just to let your brothers know you’re alive. “Hello?” Dean’s gruff voice answers.
“Hi Dean… it’s me.” You reply. Your brother seems skeptical. “Perhaps the word Poughkeepsie rings a bell.” You went with that particular code word because it wouldn’t send your older brothers into a panic unlike funkytown and there’s something on my shoe. “Or how about the first motel in the phone book if we get separated?” Dean suddenly goes into overprotective brother mode, once he knows it’s actually you and not some elaborate prank.
“Where are you and are you okay?”
“I’m feeling fantastic. As for where I am, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” Dick leans against your doorway and mouths batphone. Telling you that the police commissioner needs Batman, Robin, and Thrush. “I’ll call you back, need to go.” You say into the phone. You hear quite the list of profanities as you hang up.
“What was that about?” Your friend asks.
“Nothing really. I just called an old friend of mine.” You answer as the two of you head for the study. Once in the study Bruce tells you that the Penguin was at large again. “The Penguin?” You ask suddenly confused. Since you became Thrush you’ve met only a handful of bad guys that roam the streets of Gotham- the Penguin wasn’t on the list.
“He’s a foul man, I’ll give you details when we’re in the cave.” Bruce says before sliding down the pole.
“A bird pun, really?” You mutter to yourself as you go down the other pole changing into your super suit. You roughly based your suit off of Batgirl’s suit, but it is different. For one thing your cape is made out of (favorite color) fabric your suit and mask are a shade lighter than black and around your waist is a utility belt similar to Batman’s.
You race Robin to the batmobile to see who gets to sit shotgun. Although you haven’t known Batman/Bruce and Robin/Dick very long, the three of you act more like a family then you and your brothers ever did.
When you meet the Penguin he is with a man you know really well- and that man is Crowley. You clench your jaw slightly unaware of the fact you clench your jaw the same way Sam does. Making the king of hell suddenly suspicious. “Who are you?” Crowley directly asks you.“You remind me of someone I’m not overly fond of.”
“The feeling is mutual.” You retort. “Name is Thrush.”
“Tell me Thrush… do you happen to know Sam, Dean and Y/N Winchester?” You knew Crowley was going to throw something like that at you, just not that blunt.
“Who are you, exactly?” Batman interrupts glaring at the king of hell. He wasn’t sure how Crowley knew your real name but he wasn’t going to chance risking your secret identity to get answers.
“Where are my manners.” Crowley sarcastically replies. “My name is Crowley the king of hell.”
“New sidekick Batman?” The Penguin sneers. Leaning against his umbrella. “Let me guess she is all talk and no fight.”
“No, it’s the other way around Penguin.” Robin points out just as you knock one of the Penguin’s henchmen to the ground and render him unconscious with a swift kick to the back of the henchman’s head. “Holy knock out…”
“Now is not the time for your bad expressions Robin.” You say, now fighting another henchman. Crowley watches from a distance, to him Thrush’s fighting style screamed Y/N Winchester. The henchman you’re fighting nails you in the ribs. You fall to the ground feigning an injury so the henchman would let his guard down.
On the way back to the batcave, Batman asks about the king of hell, and how he knows you. “I’ve known Crowley for years now.” You explain. “I never know if that demon is going to be any help or stab everyone in the back.” 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 -Bunker, Sam and Dean’s POV- “Hello boys.” Crowley says causing your older brothers to pull out their guns and point them at the demon.
“What do you want Crowley?” Dean demands.
“Harsh squirrel. Here I was in a generous mood and going to give you some information on your sister.” The term ‘your sister’ catches your brothers’ attention. “I guess you’re not interested in finding her. Guess I should take my leave.”
“Crowley wait.” Sam says standing up and lightly grabbing Crowley’s arm stopping the demon in his tracks. “Y/N has been gone for almost a month now… will you please help us bring our little sister home?”
“Well since you asked so nicely… I believe that your sister is in New Jersey under the name of Thrush.”
“How do you know?” Dean asks in response not wanting a false hope.
“Well for one thing the girl, Thrush, clenches her jaw the same way Moose over here does, and the other thing is you Winchesters have a unique fighting style.”
“Wait hold up… what do you mean by fighting style and did you see what ‘Thrush’ looked like?”
“Unique fighting style as in, can bring a fool to his knees in seconds. Thrush… a lovely thing really, feigned an injury so the person she was fighting would lower their guard.” Sam and Dean share a look. “And to answer your second question I didn’t get a good look at the girl. So I can’t tell you what she looked like.”
“I admit it, faking an injury like that is something Y/N is constantly doing.” Dean says itching the back of his head.
“It still shocks me that some one like Y/N can be related to the two biggest idiots on the planet.” Crowley mutters.
“What was that?” Dean asks.
“Nothing.” Dean throws Crowley a skeptical look but doesn’t say anything. “If it is any help Thrush was with two others Batman and Robin.”
To be continued.
@the-third-winchester-warrior
@winchesters-favorite-girl
@caroldanversinatardis
@flannels-and-rocksalt @always-keep-writing-spn
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fallen-wolf22 · 7 years ago
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Scarlett Fallen-Wolf
Masterlist
Full-Name: Scarlett Guadalupe Ula Blossom Sea-willow Fallen-Wolf (Strange long middle name though, My mother was somewhat crazy.Hell yeah your mother was crazy, along with your older brother’s, they also had a hand in picking your middle names! Seriously author-Chan you let my brother’s pick my middle names, that makes complete sense now! Yeah, I had to or they would have muddle me and you know how that would have ended. Yeah you in a coffin, hey wait wasn’t I stuffed in a coffin?. Yes, but that was when you made your contract. Really? Yes, you memory's a little fuzzy on that part though Why are my memory’s fuzzy of that day? No, reason, reader-Chan's I have to go before she get’s me so, see yeah! Yes, see you soon reader-Chan's, EMILY get your ass back here!!!!!. * Runs off after author.*) Age: 16 Height: 5’1” (Man, I’m quite short why is that? Because you are a hybrid you don’t grow anymore, that's why! *Grumbles under breath* Okay whatever.) Birthday: December 25th, 1875 (Technically, this is the date I chose for my birthday since I was born the day the earth was created. Dammit author-Chan shut the hell up, *eyes turn a menacing blood red* Alright alright, fine but I’m the one typing it have you forgotten? No, but quite it will you! I can’t hear myself think and tell you what to type. Yeah yeah I know, but we both have to have music playing to help us think. True, know get back to typing I think the reader’s want to know more about myself. Yeah, I know!) Species: Human/ Werewolf/ Fallen Angel/ Grim-reaper/ Neko/ Elemental/ Demon (You are one strange hybrid if you ask me. Yeah I know, but at least I’m not defenseless against other things. True, but you can’t die either, doesn't that get a little old? No, you have me die in a couple chapters have you forgotten that! Yes, I forgot, but don’t spoil the surprise for the readers! Okay, I won’t!) Personality: (Author-Chan do you really want to do my personality, you know I’m not that pleasant! Yeah I know, but I have to, so do you think you could quite down and let me type. No, yo, Damion, Jason this is an order, take author-Chan stuff her in a coffin and keep her in there, while I type! As you wish mistress. *Grab author-Chan and stuffed in a coffin and locked in* Hey get my out I don’t like small places!!!!! Sorry miss Author-Chan, we can’t disobey orders. You know what you two when I get out of this, I’m shoving you both in a room full of salt and locking you in there!!!! Go ahead we dare you Miss author-Chan. You know what I give up!) Scarlett’s personality wavers actually, she can be calm, quiet, and sweet. But she also has a dark side, a very dark side. When it does show it’s not pretty anyone who truly knows her dark side stays away when she pissed. She is very sadistic when it comes to torture, she can make anyone fear her with just a look. But the only time her true dark side comes out is when someone double crosses her. All hell breaks loose and since she is also a creepypasta her insanity double’s her sadistic side and it’s not pretty. Her kind side is also hidden under a blanket of non-emotional face she uses, no one can read her when she pulls her blank and emotionless face. But very few truly know her, the only one’s who know her truly are her butlers and staff. But one other thing when she get’s extremely pissed, she doesn’t show it but one thing gives it away is when her skin starts to tint a sunburn red, then you know she mad! One warning that's how you known, run like hell!!! Likes: Wolves, Outside, nature, Water, Ciel, and well Storms. (Seriously, you make me sound like a wimp. Technically you are on the inside, you know I could just have you fall for Alois instead of Ciel. You wouldn’t dare! Watch me!!! You take back about what I typed I won’t have you fall for him! Alright, alright I take it back, I don't sound like a wimp, but I do sound somewhat soft and that's fine! Good, that’s what I was aiming at! Whatever, the next time you do something like this for me, I will never forgive you. Okay, but do you think we should get back to typing? Yes!! Get to work women!!!!!) Dislikes: Alois, Claude, Brats, Being Double Crossed Family: Amelia Fallen-Wolf (Deceased) Unknown Father (Alive) Jonathan Fallen-Wolf (Deceased) Maxwell Fallen-Wolf (Deceased) Blake Fallen-Wolf (Deceased) Dean Fallen-Wolf (Deceased) Mike Fallen-Wolf (Deceased) Allan Fallen-Wolf (Deceased) Alex Fallen-Wolf (Deceased) Barney Fallen-Wolf (Deceased) Clement Fallen-Wolf (Deceased) Danny Fallen-Wolf (Deceased) Seth Fallen-Wolf (Deceased) (I’ll tell you reader-Chan's, having eleven brothers, they are completely nuts. Well Du eleven freaking brother’s that's a lot of siblings. Yeah, true but I’m the only girl, it's not that fun, of course I like being with guys more then girls. Would that explain why you like hang out with Ciel and Sebastian a lot?  No, now shut up and go back to typing!!!!) Staff List: Head Butlers: The Fallen-Wolf household has always had Five Head Butlers. Adam- 21 Adrian- 26 Damion- 23 Jason- 28 Zachary-24 (Oh course we have, but these aren’t some ordinary butlers, theses are actually my Demons. Yeah, but Adam has been around you for quite sometime right? Yes, we has been with me for a long time, but don’t get any ideas Author-Chan!!!! I won’t, I won’t. So don’t get you panties in a bunch! ) Head Maid: Fallen-Wolf household always has two Head Maids. Carmela- 39 Aviana- 27 Maids: Jessica- 26 Abella- 25 Reza- 32 Aleta- 22 Aslan- 20 Head Chef: Aisha- 35 Cooks: Three cooks as always in the Fallen-Wolf Home. Isis- 29 Titus- 26 Hilton- 26 Housekeeper’s: Zeppelin- 31 Camilla- 22 Head Gardener: Everett- 19 Aleta- 18
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krysnel-nicavis-blog · 13 years ago
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HP: Harry Potter and the Gamer Dragon
Title: Harry Potter and the Gamer Dragon
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley
Wordcount: 1,221
SUMMARY: An argument on the Hogwarts Express leads the Golden Trio and the Prince of Slytherin to contemplate life on another planet.
Series: Same Universe, Different Planet
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enkisstories · 6 years ago
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The android cemetery (Chapter 16)
“Good morning, Captain Allen”, Rika the receptionist android greeted the arrival.
Technically David wasn’t expected here this early today. But then again, neither had Captain Anderson, Lieutenant Reed and Officer Chen, yet they were already busy inside. It seemed as if everyone at the DPD had sacrificed their Saturday this week to report for duty instead. Since the exception had become the norm, there was an order to it now that pleased Rika. And who knew, maybe another one of the officers’ irregular parties was underfoot? Rika could not explain how, but her performance always increased after witnessing one of those.
David had just entered the corridor leading to the changing rooms when he heard agitated voices from the hall. Trusting his gut feeling the man made his way towards the argument’s source while still in his street clothes. And indeed there was Officer Wilson talking to the wretched RK800. Whatever the machine replied seemed to pacify Wilson. David, however, did not trust “The Negotiator”. Had the man harbored doubts about the android’s abilities at first, now, almost two years and who knew how many updates later, he was wary of Connor because it had grown far too competent with those words of its.
“What’s going on here?” the Captain demanded.
“Surveillance was briefly down”, Wilson replied. “And now there is activity in the evidence archive.”
“A-ha! I knew it!” David slammed his fist into the other hand’s open palm. “Whoever stole the PL600 wants to get out another android!”
“You mean there’s an android thief going ‘round?”
“That or new deviant activity.”
Wilson shook his head. “We are more worried about the confiscated Red Ice than about the dead androids, Sir. But as I told Connor here just now, it is just Lt. Reed and Officer Chen down in the basement. Not a burglar.”
“Oh. Right.”  David’s hands sacked down. Even if he personally didn’t make use of it, he was well aware of the activities people usually went into the archive for. “In this case turn the camera off again and leave them to their privacy.”
“As you say.” Wilson turned back to the computer to get a last glance on the action it recorded. The friends were already down on the floor, but still fully clothed. “No, wait, there’s something else!” Wilson exclaimed. “They are fiddling with android parts!”
“Are you sure?” Connor asked rather weakly. He couldn’t tell why he had spoken up at all, since the remark had been everything but helpful. But that was your deviant brain for you.
As expected David glared at Connor.
“I recognize an android when I see one”, the captain said. “Alive – or dead. And especially the one down there on the floor. It’s the first deviant we apprehended, the cop killer.”
At least this time Connor could keep himself in check. While he was still undecided what to do next, David grabbed him by his uniform jacket and dragged him towards the elevator.
“Didn’t Dean’s skin module break in Brindleton Bay?” the Captain asked while running. “Yumiko said as much.”
Connor had no means – or reason – to deny that, so he nodded. And therefore these were the words David Allen shouted at the pair in the archive: “Dean’s skin module broke, so you butchered the archived PL for a new one! And now you’ve come back for more parts! Don’t deny it!”
Gavin and Tina slowly backed away from a bundle they had been occupied with and rose from the floor. Tina was still holding half a left leg in her hands. As they were standing there both humans sought Connor’s eyes, but just like the day before the silent communication passed over David’s perceptions. For the same reason the captain also failed to notice the subtle shaking of the android’s head. He was busy shouting accusations at Reed and Chen anyway:
“Just to think that to cover up your theft you deleted the whole case file! You cheapskate! Your street rat! You… you…” David was sputtering now. The Chief should never have allowed Reed to sign on. That man was as stir-crazy as Connor was suspicious!
“Hey, hey… shift down a gear, mate”, Gavin interrupted the Captain. He took the leg off Tina and placed it back in a drawer. “At least the murderous butler is neatly dismantled now. Fucking thing won’t pose a threat to anybody ever again!”
David blinked.
“What do you mean by “dismantled”?”
Gavin kicked the bundle on the floor. It consisted of what David believed to be the missing PL600 under an asbestos blanket. Only the android hadn’t gone missing, after all. Detective Reed had just hidden it like a spider was wrapping up an insect, turning it into a cheap and easily accessible source of spare parts for Dean. That wasn’t just bold, that was stupid. But despite the sheer absurdity of the scene it was happening right here, in front of David Allen’s eyes and the RK800’s optical sensors.
“Come on, man, explain yourself!” David yelled at Gavin. “Not that I expect you to make much sense…”
Gavin shrugged.
“I sort of disemboweled the damn android while looking for biocomponents. I mean, I’m not an expert, so I spread the insides out on the floor to check what was what. The carcass was looking pretty bad afterwards. Messed up even worse than you and Connor had managed to make it.”
Both Tina and Gavin were glaring at the SWAT Captain with unveiled hatred now. But of course they would loath him, now that he had discovered their poaching, David thought. The man had no reason to believe in another cause for the glares than him having caught the pair red-handed.
“But these are the remains?” David asked, pointing at the blanket. “All of them?”
“Yep,” Gavin confirmed. “I got an urgent call to heed, so I shoved the parts under the nextbest asbestos blanket. Planned to put everything back together later, but forgot.”
That wasn’t an obvious lie. Much of it had really happened, only in a different order and for reasons even more weird than anything David had conjectured so far. That was the only consolation the trio standing down here with the Captain had: That the truth was so strange that no sane officer would consider it. The corners of Gavin’s mouth twitched and so did Connors. It wouldn’t have taken much now and they would have laughed out loud. But then they would have done so together and that just didn’t feel right.
Captain Allen walked towards Gavin. Towering over the smaller man the SWAT Captain bellowed: “You like coffee, don’t you? I hope that love is strong and true, because by the end of the month you will stand behind the counter at a Starbucks! If you’re lucky, that is!”
Under the Captain’s watchful eye the other three had to put up the android again. David found that he enjoyed this a lot. Tina Chen… well, she existed, even if she sometimes appeared to not be aware of that herself. Displays of power towards this gal were not satisfying at all. But the weasel that was Lieutenant Reed had scored too many verbal and actual victories against David since 2032 and the RK was just a general nuisance, always so confident and with that enervating voice of its. To finally put these two in their place and both of them at the same time, forcing them to work side-by-side, that was well worth having sacrificed his Saturday morning.
Gavin grabbed the PL600’s skull. He tossed it Connor’s way who was standing next to the locker.
“Have a little respect, at least!” the deviant snapped. “If this was a human skull…”
“…then I wouldn’t have tossed it like that”, Gavin agreed.
He walked over to the android and took the severed head out of Connor’s hands. Trying not to look too closely at the beloved face Gavin turned the skull around for Connor to look at the base.
“See, here? A human’s jaw is attached to the rest of the skull much more loosely than an android’s. So if I had a human head, in order to prevent the parts from dislodging in flight I would throw it like this…”
Gavin drew back and let fly. And on the head went towards Tina who caught it with ease.
“Don’t make assumptions about me, dipshit”, Gavin told Connor. “Least of all color me worse - or better - than I am.” He pricked Connor’s chest with his finger. “You don’t know me!”
The android nodded.
“High time we change that, then”, he agreed to an offer that had never been made.
But then there was no more time to waste trash-talking each other. Already Captain Allen grew impatient, so the trio made haste to put the corpse’s pieces back together. Moving a body that looked so much like their friend’s while the Captain was sneering at them... it was almost enough to make them believe they were friends not just with Daniel, but with each other, too.
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