#deadpool plays cupid

[pandapetals]

One Of Your Girls

worst wolverine/logan x fem!reader - inspired by a troye sivan song, fluff, cute, happy ending, wade being wade, no y/n used, no reader description

Wade ships you and Logan together and tries to help make y'all a couple.

read on Ao3

You sat on the worn-out sofa in Wade’s living room, half-listening as he rambled on about his latest grueling day of being the “sexiest superhero alive.” He and Wolverine—or Wolvie, as Wade annoyingly liked to call him—had teamed up again, taking down some bad guys and saving the world, or at least a very small part of it.

“So there I am,” Wade continued dramatically, gesturing wildly, “surrounded by ninjas, which isn’t really a surprise because let’s be honest, ninjas are kind of my thing at this point—classic Deadpool. But Wolvie’s just there, growling and stabbing his way through, and I’m like, ‘Dude, we get it, you’re the strong, silent type, but maybe use your words once in a while?’”

He kept talking, something about the “grueling emotional labor” of working with Logan, but you weren’t really paying attention anymore. Your gaze drifted to the hallway, where Logan emerged from the bathroom with a grunt, a small towel barely hanging around his waist. His skin glistened with droplets of water from the shower, the muscles in his back rippling as he stalked down the hall.

You tried to tear your eyes away, but it was like gravity itself was keeping you glued to him. Logan moved with that same effortless intensity, his brow furrowed like he was annoyed at the mere existence of the towel. The heat rose to your face, and you quickly looked down, but not before catching a glimpse of Logan’s rough hand wiping the moisture from his chest.

Wade, of course, noticed because when doesn’t he notice?

“Geesh, I knew you were down bad for Wolvie, but—” Wade started, his eyes gleaming with mischief as he leaned in, lowering his voice like he was about to share some scandalous secret.

Without thinking, you slapped his shoulder to shut him up, your face burning as you tried to compose yourself. Wade, ever the drama queen, let out an exaggerated gasp and clutched his shoulder like you’d just thrown him into the sun.

“Ow! That hurt my feelings,” he said, turning toward an imaginary camera because, of course, he was breaking the fourth wall. “She hit me, folks, and not in the fun, sexy way either.”

You shot him a glare, your lips pressed into a tight line, though you couldn’t help the flicker of amusement tugging at the corners of your mouth.

Wade wasn’t done. He never was.

“You know, it’s always the quiet ones,” he added, stage-whispering as if that would somehow make Logan disappear or teleport out of the apartment in embarrassment. “Can’t say I blame you though. Look at him, all angry and dripping wet—he’s like a feral wolf in an Old Spice commercial. Honestly, if this was the kind of quality content the MCU promised me, I wouldn’t have jumped ship for Deadpool 3: The Comeback —coming soon, by the way.”

Logan, ignoring Wade as per usual, had already stalked off toward his room. He muttered something unintelligible, probably about how Wade was going to get his ass kicked later, but the low rumble of his voice still made something in your stomach twist. He hadn’t even looked at you, but you felt the heat creeping up your neck, spreading to your cheeks.

Wade, of course, was not done with his commentary. “Dude, he didn’t even throw you a glance,” he said, wagging a finger. “I mean, if I walked out of the shower looking like a damn Greek god with claws, I’d at least give a wink. Maybe even a smolder. Oh, wait!” He perked up and leaned forward, his voice dropping to a faux-conspiratorial tone. “What if he’s doing that on purpose? You know, like a power play? He’s got the whole brooding, tortured thing down—girls love that, by the way.”

You slapped him again—lighter this time, but Wade still let out an exaggerated groan.

“Oh, c’mon! The sexual tension in here is thick enough to slice with one of Logan’s claws. You’re telling me if he showered in your apartment, half-naked, and you wouldn’t immediately jump his bones? What are we even doing here, people?”

You groaned, running a hand over your face, trying not to die of embarrassment. “Wade, for the love of God—”

“God has abandoned this apartment long ago,” Wade interrupted, standing up dramatically, his arms wide as if making a declaration. “But don’t worry, I’m here now, and I’m more than willing to give you both some fantastic relationship advice.”

You shook your head, biting back a laugh. "Wade, the last time you gave relationship advice, you told someone to ‘just show up shirtless’ and that would fix all their problems.”

Wade grinned, completely unbothered. “Did it work?”

“They were arrested for public indecency.”

“Semantics!” Wade waved it off, flopping back down beside you. “Now, where was I? Oh, right. Wolvie. You know, he's probably sitting in his room right now, thinking about you. Brooding, shirtless, glaring out the window like some tragic anti-hero from a really dark fanfic.”

Before you could respond, Logan reappeared—this time, fully dressed but still clearly annoyed. “Wade, shut the hell up.”

Wade, undeterred, turned toward you and whispered loudly, “See? I told you he was brooding. He’s totally into you.”

You shot Logan an apologetic look, though you could tell from the tightness around his jaw that he was this close to throwing Wade out a window. Logan didn’t say anything, but his gaze lingered on you just a second too long before he stormed off again, muttering something about “goddamn loudmouths.”

Wade leaned back on the sofa, folding his arms behind his head with a smug grin. “Oh, yeah. He’s in deep. ”

The rest of the day was filled with more of Wade’s sarcastic quips and Logan’s signature gruffness, but beneath the surface, something had shifted. By the time the sun set, Wade had finally left leaving you and Logan alone in the apartment promising to bring back pizza.

Logan was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking worn out, his head hung low as he rubbed the back of his neck. You stood in the doorway, watching him quietly for a moment before stepping closer.

“You alright?” you asked softly.

Logan grunted in response, his usual noncommittal way of saying “I’m fine.” Before he glanced up at you, and something in his expression softened. His shoulders relaxed slightly as you sat down beside him, the silence between you comforting.

“Wade get to you?” you asked with a smirk, nudging him playfully.

Logan scoffed, shaking his head. “That guy never knows when to shut up.”

“Yeah, well, you gotta admit, he’s got a point,” you teased, nudging him again. “You do tend to brood.”

Logan gave you a look, his usual scowl softened by the hint of amusement in his eyes. “I don’t brood.”

“Right. Sure you don’t,” you said, smiling as you sat on the bed beside him. The air between you was lighter now, but that familiar, charged tension still lingered, just under the surface. “So… was Wade right? You were totally into me earlier, weren’t you?”

Logan chuckled under his breath, running a hand through his still-damp hair, his muscles still tense from the fight and the usual Deadpool chaos. “You’re ridiculous.”

“ You are,” you countered, your voice taking on a teasing tone. You leaned in closer, bumping your shoulder against his. “I mean, look at you. Everyone loves you. I swear, every time we go out, every woman in the room is practically lining up just to—”

“Would you stop? You sound like Wade,” Logan grumbled, his voice low but without any real annoyance. He shook his head, but there was a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

You laughed, your eyes sparkling as you nudged him again. “I’m serious, Logan. I’ve seen the way they look at you. Like they’re all just waiting for their turn to fawn over the ‘mysterious bad boy.’ The brooding, the claws, the ‘I’ve been through hell’ vibe—it’s working for you.”

Logan shot you a half-amused, half-exasperated look. “I’m not trying to ‘work’ anything.”

You shrugged, your grin widening. “That’s the problem. You don’t even have to try. You just walk into a room, grumble a bit, maybe glare at someone, and they’re hooked.”

He grunted, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re imagining things.”

“Oh, please. Next time we’re out, I’ll start keeping a tally of all the looks you get,” you teased. “What’s it like being the main character in everyone’s secret fantasy?”

Logan huffed, giving you a side-eye that would’ve scared anyone else, but you just smiled. “Keep it up, and I’ll start sounding like Wade for real.”

You burst into laughter at that, imagining Logan in full Deadpool-style monologue, breaking the fourth wall mid-fight just to complain about your teasing. “I can’t wait for that.”

“Not happening, darlin’,” Logan muttered, but his voice was warm, and the smirk playing on his lips betrayed him.

The playful banter between you felt easy, natural—like this was how it should be. No walls, no tension, just you and Logan, comfortable in the teasing, in the back-and-forth that had become the foundation of your relationship. For someone as tough and guarded as Logan, moments like these were rare, and you cherished them every time. 

As the laughter faded, the mood shifted. You were still sitting close, the air thick with something more. The lightheartedness gave way to a quiet intensity, and suddenly, the space between you felt smaller and more charged.

Your eyes flicked to his, and you found him watching you, his gaze a little softer now, a little more focused. The teasing smile on your lips faltered, but only for a moment. You leaned in slightly, just enough for your shoulder to press against his, your hand brushing against his forearm.

“You know,” you said softly, your voice quieter now, more sincere. “I wasn’t joking earlier. You really do have people falling for you left and right.”

Logan’s jaw tightened slightly, but he didn’t look away. “Doesn’t matter,” he said gruffly, his voice low. “I’m not interested in ‘people.’”

There it was. That honesty, that vulnerability he rarely showed anyone. You’d gotten used to the way Logan opened up in small doses, revealing just enough for you to see through the tough exterior he wore so well. Each time, it made your heart flutter a little more.

You raised an eyebrow, your voice dropping to a whisper. “No?”

Logan shook his head, his eyes never leaving yours. “No.”

For a moment, the room felt completely still, like the world had narrowed down to just the two of you. The weight of what he wasn’t saying hung between you, and you could feel your pulse quicken, the tension between you building by the second.

“Good,” you murmured, leaning in just a little closer, your breath mingling with his. “Because I’m not interested in sharing.”

A low growl rumbled in Logan’s chest, the sound sending a shiver down your spine. His hand moved to your waist, pulling you closer as his other hand cupped your cheek, his rough thumb brushing softly against your skin. “Who said anything about sharing?”

You couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at your lips as you closed the distance between you, your forehead resting against his. The moment stretched on, your heart racing in your chest as you waited for him to make the next move.

Then, finally, Logan closed the gap.

His lips met yours in a slow, deliberate kiss, the kind that sent heat rushing through your entire body. It wasn’t rushed or frantic—it was steady, intense, like Logan was savoring every second. His grip on your waist tightened, pulling you even closer until there was no space left between you. You kissed him back just as deeply, letting yourself get lost in the feel of him—his warmth, his strength, the way his body seemed to mold perfectly against yours.

When you finally pulled away, both of you were breathless, your lips still hovering just inches from his. Logan rested his forehead against yours, his hand still cradling your cheek as his thumb traced lazy circles on your skin.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?” he muttered, his voice rough but affectionate.

You smiled, running your fingers through his hair, feeling the damp strands still clinging to his head. “Yeah, but you like me anyway.”

Logan chuckled, pressing a kiss to your forehead before pulling back just enough to look at you. “Yeah,” he said softly. “Yeah, I do.”

A Few Days Later…

The teasing between you and Logan hadn’t gone unnoticed by the others. Especially Wade, who had already managed to weave an elaborate tale of unrequited love between the two of you, complete with bad fanfiction-level plot twists.

“So, you guys finally make out?” Wade asked one evening, leaning against the kitchen counter with a smug grin plastered on his face. “Or are you still in the ‘awkward pining’ stage?”

You sighed, giving him a deadpan look. “What do you think, Wade?”

Wade’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Oh my God, it happened, didn’t it? I mean, of course, it did! I knew it! Everyone, Deadpool called it—Logan and his better half finally—”

Logan shot him a look that could kill, his claws extending just slightly. “Wade.”

Deadpool raised his hands in surrender. “Hey, don’t shoot the messenger! Or, in this case, the super-insightful, super-hot guy who predicted your inevitable romance. I’m just here to celebrate. Maybe I should write a poem about it.”

Logan grunted and shook his head, but you could see the faintest hint of a smile tugging at his lips. Wade turned his attention to you, winking like the two of you were in on some grand scheme.

“You’re welcome, by the way. All my meddling totally paid off. You owe me one, well I guess you owe the writer of this fic but I’m totally taking credit.” 

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across your face. “Sure, Wade. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“Sleep? Who needs sleep when you’ve got love to keep you warm?” Wade sighed dramatically, holding a hand to his chest. “Honestly, I should start a matchmaking service. First Logan and you, next the world.”

Logan groaned. “Wade, shut the hell up.”

Wade grinned, unfazed as ever. “Love you too, peanut.”

[gothgoblinbabe]

Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You

(chapter 1/2)

(Logan Howlett x fem reader)

A/N: Yeah, the brain rot has reached a maximum and I've completely disregarded the consequences of a digital footprint! there's a couple descriptions of style of clothing/jewelry but you can imagine that as you please, also absolutely based off of "Babe Im Gonna Leave You" by Led Zeppelin bc idk somewhere in my delusions I think Logans a Zeppelin kinda guy and its what I've been listening to. For the sake of the plot, stick with me, you've got an imaginary ex bf and his random name I picked is gonna be Danny and he suuuucks real hard okay? okay and I need you to pretend dear lovely reader that you like led zeppelin if you don't 💔[holding your face ever so gently and smooching ur forehead] and I've seen only xmen origins, x-men, X2, and Deadpool x wolverine so pls pls forgive me if some stuff doesn't canonically fit. This is kind of cringe but I wrote too much of it to get rid of it just bare with me I beg of u and it was so long I had to split it into two parts

Summary: Meeting the infamous Wolverine got you roped into a liiiitle more than what you bargained for

Warnings: swearing, you have telekinesis and telepathy (cause that's cool, c'mon), mild angst, suggestive stuff kinda, mentions of cheating (Logan does not cheat on u I pinkie promise), Logan calls you kid but you're not actually a child lol, you're a good bit younger than him but also so is anyone else who isn't borderline immortal

Word Count: 4K

Pt 2!

[credit for text post dividers here and here]

There had been muttering here and there between the students at the academy that Wolverine was coming back after a few years on his own, confirmed when Marie recognized the motorcycle now parked in the driveway of the mansion.

"Logan!"

He was immediately wrapped into a hug by Marie at the door, dropping his bags to the floor.

"Hey, kid, miss me?"

"Maybe," she smiled sweetly, tucking the white strands of hair behind her ears.

"Long time no see, huh?" Ororo's voice interrupted from behind her, earning a hug from Logan.

"Any one else around?" he questioned, hoisting his bag up over his shoulder again.

"Scott and Jean are around here somewhere, Charles as well. Oh, and there's a couple new faces you haven't met," she responded, smiling at the way Marie's eyes lit up at the chance to mention what she had been meaning to tell Logan.

Marie gasped and said your name, grabbing Logan's arm in excitement, "you have got to meet her. She joined us a couple of months ago, I think you'll really like her. She's kind of been like...our you, when you've been gone."

He quirked an eyebrow at that, looking between the both of them for an explanation as to what that was supposed to mean.

"You'll see," Ororo chuckled lightly, "oh, you will see."

"She's here now, I think, you should go introduce yourself to her!"

Logan had swiftly caught onto Marie's adorable attempt to play cupid and gave her a nod, "maybe when I settle in, okay, kid?"

She nodded in agreement and both her and Ororo watched him walk off further down the corridor.

"How do you think it will go when they meet?" the later of the two asked earnestly once he was out of sight.

"Well," Marie paused for a moment, thinking, "they'll be inseparable or absolutely hate each other."

Ororo nodded in agreement almost immediately, holding in a small laugh.

Much later in the evening, Logan had been beckoned into the study along with Ororo, Marie, Bobby, you, Jean and Scott by Charles.

He had been the last to enter, eyes immediately settling on your unfamiliar frame stood next to Marie with your back against the wall. You had plenty of rings adorning your fingers and necklaces dangling in front of your chest in the same kind of fashion he'd seen in those magazines with the Harley biker girls. You looked a little like one of them too, in well fitting jeans adorned with a belt, a band shirt and some chunky boots, except you were very much real and not on glossy paper.

"Oh! Logan!" Marie exclaimed upon noticing his arrival, beckoning him over with her hand. That turned your attention to him and he felt like the wind may have been knocked out of him when your eyes met his. You were far prettier than any of the girls he'd seen in any magazine.

"This is her," Marie whispered to Logan when he approached and nudged his arm, referring to when she had told him about you earlier.

"This is Logan," Marie said to you, gesturing towards him and leaning a little closer to you to whisper something he wouldn't catch, "and he's single, by the way."

A grin was plastered on her face when she pulled away and you rolled your eyes, "Marie - "

"I know, I know, too soon, but I just thought that was very good information for you to know," she raised her hands and stepped away a little, still intent on watching how the two of you interact for the first time.

Logan extended a hand for you to shake and you did the same. Your hands were small in his and your skin soft to the touch. It was almost hard for him to drop your grip when he did, nervous that he'd hold it even a second too long.

Nervous. Women had rarely ever made him nervous in the hundred - something years he'd been alive, and yet he could feel his heart pounding in his ears when you ran your hands through your hair to push it out of your face.

"Nice to meet you," he finally spoke, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket.

This may have been a good opportunity to try out your powers a little, concentrate hard enough on the handsome stranger's face to know what exactly was playing out behind his staring gaze, but you resisted the urge to do what you considered a tad bit violating.

"Same here," you responded at last, averting your gaze for just a moment to avoid inadvertently doing exactly what you had just decided you wouldn't.

Marie and Ororo had studied the small interaction between the two of you - of course - waiting for something more to happen, only to be disappointed when the both of you nodded courtly and turned away from each other.

"Well, that's not good. He'd be on her like a dog already - " Ororo started under her breath.

"No, no, I just think..." Marie interrupted, narrowing her eyes between the two of you, "I think they just need to get to know each other."

"Honey..."

"I'm telling you, I just feel like they'd be good together, they just need a chance to get to know each other!"

"Do you really think she's ready to get with another guy?" Ororo nodded her head in your direction, lowering her voice, "after all that stuff Danny pulled?"

Marie grimaced at the mention of one of the professors names, shaking her head in mild disgust, "have you seen him lately? always coming up to her in the halls and stuff, it's sad - for him, I mean."

Before either of them could further debate the topic, Charles gained everyone's attention to discuss a series of tasks he'd assigned to you all. As he spoke, you only tuned in once you heard your name.

"You are the one I'd like to send out to complete that with Daniel."

"Could, uh, can I do it with someone else? or have him do it alone, or something?"

Logan caught the confused look Jean shot your way, tilting her head before she spoke, "You don't want to go with Danny? What happened, I thought the two of you -"

You cut her off with a sharp shake of your head, scowling, "uh-uh. Hell no. He...uh, I'll tell you about it later."

You had realized the sudden vulnerability you'd found yourself experiencing in a room full of eyes on you and cleared your throat, attempting to change the subject.

"I can hang back and keep an eye on the kids, I don't mind."

"They do love you," Ororo chimed in, "and we need someone to stay back to watch them anyway."

"They only like her so much because she allows them to break the rules," Scott remarked, earning a nudge in the arm from Jean.

You sighed, rolling your eyes, "Scott, the thing with the kids in your room was one time and it was an accident - "

"Was it? Because one of them wrote 'asshole' on my bathroom mirror with sharpie."

"They're kids, they do that kind of stuff!"

"was that really one of the kids?"

You tucked your lower lip under your teeth in an attempt to smother a laugh. Logan almost immediately did the same when you darted your eyes around the room in a guilty attempt to avoid eye contact.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me - " Scott started but Charles interrupted, holding up a hand.

"Alright, the both of you - enough. You," he continued, gesturing towards you, "may stay back with the children. Please do not allow them into anyone's personal quarters and I would advise you to hide the permanent markers for the time being, away from the children and perhaps yourself."

You nodded and hung your head low to hide the reappearing smile across your face. Logan stared inadvertently from then on, watching you twist your rings around your fingers and focusing on you intently when you spoke every now and then. When you were all dismissed by Charles and filed out of the room, you and Marie walked ahead of most of the group, almost out of ear shot.

Logan heard Jean's hushed voice behind him as she leaned into Scott, "so...what do you think happened? With Danny?"

"Who the hell is this Danny guy?" he finally asked, turning over his shoulder to interrogate the two of them.

"Well," Jean whispered your name, looking ahead to be sure you hadn't caught their conversation, "it's her boyfriend. Or was, I guess. They had a thing for awhile but they stopped hanging around each other all the sudden and she can't even stand to hear his name - she hasn't told me what it's about yet."

Logan simply hummed in acknowledgment, turning back ahead and finding his gaze caught on the sway of your hips as you walked.

"Oh no," he heard Ororo huff beside him, almost immediately following her gaze to see a guy he didn't recognize slip behind you and put an arm around your waist. Too far out of ear shot to hear the context, he watched you squirm out of the young mans grip and shake your head as you kept walking.

"Is it bad I want to get closer to hear what they're saying?" Ororo muttered, looking to the other three in her proximity.

"It's not our business," Jean reminded her.

"So, that's him?" Logan asked, gesturing to the guy still on your heels like a puppy.

"uh - huh," Ororo answered, frowning as she watched Danny make another pathetic attempt to put his arm around you.

When the two of you stopped at the far end of the hall and you told Marie it was okay to leave you, Logan, Ororo, Scott and Jean all turned the corner to the closest hallway.

"Oh, I know It's bad but I have got to know what lame excuse he's got this time," Ororo shook her head, stopping just around the corner to eavesdrop.

"Ororo - " Jean sighed, placing a gentle hand on her friend's arm, "come on."

"They're in the hallway! it's not like I'm standing outside a door," she reasoned, hushing them after so that the only voices hard were yours and Danny's.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm sorry - "

"Danny, many times do I have to tell you I don't care? Why won't you just leave me be?"

You sounded exasperated, your voice slightly muffled when you rubbed your face with your hands.

"What do you think he did?" Scott chimed in in a hushed town, now fully invested in the dialogue.

Logan was still stood there, though he wasn't too sure why. He could have and should have kept walking - let the three of them do their weird detective work - but instead found himself leaned against the wall with the rest of them.

"I love you, you know that, sweetheart, I - "

"ugh, don't call me that. You gross me the hell out, you know that?"

Both Jean and Ororo made almost the same shocked expression.

"oh, it has to be bad," Jean hissed, frowning at the venom in your tone.

"Tell me you're not still in love with me, you know you can't, we - " Danny's voice began again and yours cut him short with a sense of finality in your tone.

"Danny. I stopped being in love with you the day I walked in on you fucking another other girl."

Jean's hands flew to her mouth to muffle a shocked gasp. Scott stood with his arms crossed, his face in a grimace.

"ooh, that is bad," Ororo whispered just as a door slammed.

Logan furrowed his eyebrows, following everyone else as they continued their path down the hall again. This Danny kid had to be a real idiot.

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Weeks had passed and you shared small talk with Logan every now and then, sometimes making snarky comments here and there - though more often than not together and at Scott's expense. Funnily enough, the ability to piss Scott off so much made Logan like you even more. Maybe Marie was right, you kind of are like him.

You walked alongside him down the corridor one afternoon, intending to fulfill Ororo's request for the both of you to check in on some of the newer students.

"So, do you always do your hair like that?" you raised your eyebrows up at him, eyeing the peaks in his hair.

"Yeah. What, you don't like it?" He grinned, expecting you to make some smart remark about it.

"No, not that," you giggled, "it's like lil' cat ears, it's cute."

He looked down at you quizzically, stopping in his tracks.

"cat ears?"

"mm-hm. You're like a big kitty."

You bit down another giggle, reaching up boldly to touch his hair.

He gently swatted your hand away, still with a small grin on his face.

"Don't call me that."

"Big kitty?"

"Yes."

"Okay, kitty meow - meow."

He narrowed his eyes as you turned to continue walking in an attempt to hide the huge smile plastered on your cheeks that threatened to transform into a rather loud laugh.

"Uh-huh, whatever. You better not let anyone else hear you call me that," he huffed as he caught up to you rather easily.

As you were about to make another retort, your smile dropped at the sight of a familiar and unfriendly face that had come from around a corner.

"Christ," you squeezed your eyes shut in frustration, rubbing your forehead at the sight of your ex-boyfriend.

"Hey," Logan leaned down a little, nudging you gently, "I'm here, you're good. You're fine, don't worry about him. It's just us, alright? Walk past him like you don't even see him."

Though he'd be embarrassed to admit and absolutely deny it if anyone asked, he'd unfortunately (for himself) harbored a crush on you that only took a couple weeks to develop. He hadn't even really gotten the chance to know you yet, though that was precisely why he was glad about moments like these. He wanted to, even if he felt like a school kid with a playground crush.

You had simply nodded at his words, allowing him to place a gentle hand on your upper back to guide you down the hall with him. Even through the layer of a jacket and t-shirt, you could feel the warmth of his hand on you.

Logan remembered that moment in the hall on the first day you'd met, but never pestered you for details about what the hell went on before he got back. He figured when and if you wanted to tell him, that was up to you.

Keeping your eyes straight ahead, it took what felt like years to pass your ex-boyfriend. When you finally did, you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding, until his voice stopped you in your tracks.

"That's my shirt."

You whipped your head around, feeling Logan slip his arm a little further around you as a protective reflex.

"What?" you furrowed your eyebrows, looking down at your attire. The shirt, a tad oversized and well worn, was so familiar that you had completely forgotten it once did belong to him.

"I want it back," he spoke again, crossing his arms.

"Do you really want it back?"

You were beyond fed up with his pestering at this point, already having decided what may make the message clear.

"Yes."

"Okay. Fine."

You pulled away from Logan and slipped off your jacket, turning around to hand it to him. He gave you a confused look, hesitantly taking it out of your hands. In a matter of seconds, you turned back around and tugged the t-shirt up and over your head, tossing it directly at Danny's chest. You turned back and took your jacket from Logan's hands, zipping it far enough to cover your bra. In the few seconds you had stood facing him, he had done his best to keep his eyes away from your body and failed miserably, looking up after to see the asshole a few feet away already glaring at him.

"What, you're just gonna walk around like that? And what are you doing hanging out with him anyway, don't you know he - "

You groaned at the sound of Danny's voice again, gently tugging Logan by the hand in the opposite direction as you began to walk away, "yap, yap, yap - just shut the fuck up."

Logan couldn't help the smirk plastered across his face as you continued to walk, finally turning a corner. Before you could apologize to him for having to awkwardly stand witness to that, Scott's voice echoed from the stairway above you.

"Hey, Charles is looking for you two. He says he has something he needs you to take care of, he didn't say what."

"Thanks for the specifics, Scott," you replied sarcastically, "but we're supposed to check on - "

"I know," he interrupted, "I got Marie and Bobby to cover you. You're welcome, by the way."

You rolled your eyes and looked back to Logan, dreading what exactly it was Charles wanted from you.

That landed you where you were the next morning, heaving your bags into the back of Logan's truck.

"If we have to take the truck like two states over, can I at least drive?"

The plane being needed for another assignment that Jean, Scott and Ororo were assigned left the two of you with Logan's truck. You'd been asked to retrieve a rare mechanical piece needed for the construction of some new device; you'd only been half-listening when Charles started to explain the details, lost in thought after he'd mentioned it would require the two of you to sleep out overnight.

Man, that had made your chest feel tight. It had been almost physically painful trying to swallow down every tell that you really liked him for the past few weeks and now you had no choice than to be each others only company for nearly 2 days.

"Yeah, in your dreams, kid," Logan scoffed playfully and brought you back to reality, dangling the keys in his hand.

You narrowed your eyes at the keyring he began to spin around his finger. In a split second, the jangle of the metal could be heard as you snatched them from his hand with only a focused thought.

You caught them in your raised palm and tilted your head, a terribly smug smile across your cheeks.

"Looks like my dreams came true, huh?" you teased, walking past a still mildly distraught Logan to get into the drivers side.

"If you dent it, I'll kill ya," he warned as he finally slid into the passenger seat, watching your every move as you started the engine and carefully reversed out of the garage.

"Uh-huh, sure," you retorted sarcastically, "I'm terrified of the kitty claws."

"What did I say about calling me that?"

"Calling you what?" you feigned ignorance, fumbling with the knob on the stereo to change the station as your eyes stayed glued to the road.

"And don't mess with everything, kid, you'll end up breaking something. She's on old girl, you gotta - "

"Dude," you interrupted, simultaneously cranking down your window and fishing a pair of sunglasses out of his center console, "I know how to drive, chill out."

"Dude," he mocked, "this truck is probably almost as old as you, you gotta be careful."

You rolled your eyes under the shades of the worn aviators you had slipped onto your nose, simply nodding and continuing to flip through stations.

"Pick one and stick with it, will you?"

"Ooh, is someone mad I got the keys?"

Before he could say something in response, you gasped at sound of the song playing on the station you had just switched to, twisting the knob almost as far as it could go.

Logan recognized the familiar thump of "babe I'm gonna leave you" by Led Zeppelin, furrowing his eyebrows when you began to nod your head and sing along.

"You like Led Zeppelin?" he nearly had to shout over the music, leaning in to you a little further.

"Yeah," you responded, reaching over to turn the music down just enough for you to hear each other and glancing at him momentarily, "How come you're looking at me like that?"

He unfurrowed his eyebrows and shrugged, keeping his gaze on the road ahead as he spoke, " just never pegged you for a Zeppelin kind of girl, I guess."

"No? What's that supposed to mean?"

You were smiling again and it was excruciatingly difficult for him not to stare when you looked so good in the spot he usually sat with his old sunglasses on.

"Didn't think you had good taste in music."

That made you giggle and you shook your head, turning the stereo back up to a booming volume.

He watched you tap your fingers on the steering wheel to the drums as you continued to drive, occasionally moving to push your windswept hair out of your face. The morning sun shining through your open window highlighted your features perfectly and Logan sighed without a thought, unheard over the music. Jesus, he had it bad.

You could feel his stare in your peripheral vision every time he looked to you and it felt far warmer than the sun beating down on you from the opposite direction. You truly rarely ever used your developing skill of telepathy, feeling it was only justified when absolutely necessary to obtain information, but his burning gaze nearly had you veering off the road at times and his prior answer to the question of why he was looking at you that way wasn't too convincing.

With a deep breath, already wondering if it was a mistake, you kept your eyes focused to the road but gradually concentrated on the man beside you. Sometimes people's thoughts would appear as inner dialogue, other times as imagined scenarios, daydreams or visuals. You were confused, then, when you only saw an image of yourself as you were now. If you concentrated too hard, your own thoughts would transfer to Logan's mind and it would be humiliatingly obvious that you had been poking around in his consciousness and so you tried to clear your mind and try again, assuming your own mind was too preoccupied with yourself to concentrate properly.

Still, you could only see the image of yourself driving from the perspective of the passengers seat, one hand on the wheel and the other in your hair as you propped your elbow on the door. This time, though, you could hear the accompanying echo of Logan's voice over the hum of the music you had tuned out.

Is her hair always like that? I like it that way. Pretty.

You swallowed hard, fidgeting with the hair that was between your fingers. It's a compliment - innocent enough, and undeniably kind of sweet. You felt guilty then for probing his thoughts and nearly shook yourself out of it, only to realize the image in Logan's mind was no longer of just your profile. He was thinking about your legs, thighs squished against the seat of the truck.

Fuck

You nearly choked on your own saliva, clearing your throat at the echo of his voice again and immediately withdrawing yourself from his mind.

"You okay?" Logan spoke aloud, putting a gentle hand on your upper arm.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," you lied, trying with every fiber of your being to just keep all focus on the road. You knew you shouldn't have done that. It was just a thought, though, nothing said aloud to change anything between the two of you, and so you pretended the best you could that you hadn't heard or seen a thing.

About eight hours, a handful of dad rock albums and a stop to switch seats later, you finally pulled into the parking lot of the nearest motel you had found didn't have a highlighted "no vacancy" sign.

"If there's fucking bed bugs in here, I will never let you hear the end of it," you warned from the passenger seat.

"I think you'd talk my ear off till the day I die anyway," he scoffed, shifting the truck into park and pulling the keys from the ignition.

"You won't die for another hundred-something years."

"Exactly my point, honey."

You rolled your eyes and slipped out of the truck as he did, pretending the nickname hadn't made your face burn. You both grabbed your belongings and once inside you looked around the small lobby as Logan checked you in, impressed with how surprisingly clean the place seemed to be.

"Hey, is that okay?"

Logan's voice took your attention from the painting on the wall you'd been inspecting and you raised your eyebrows.

"Huh?

"Uh, there's a room left but it's only got one bed."

Your face dropped and you looked between him and the poor kid behind the counter who already looked nervous as all hell.

"You're kidding."

"We can keep driving, but we've already been on the road all day and I don't think there's another place around here for a good few miles."

He was much more calm than you expected him to be and you exhaled, thinking of the literal pain in the ass caused by sitting in the car for so many hours.

"Ugh, fine."

A/N: I had to split this in two because it was so long but If anyone likes this at all I will post da other part cause I like spewing my brain rot on the internet <3

[spencer-sweets]

Marvel Fic Recs |James Logan Howlett/Wade Wilson

so like everyone with eyes - i found deadpool and wolverine wildly homoerotic. so, i have been keeping my eye out for some good fanfic of them. while i love the honda odyssey fics, this list is mainly longer narrative or character driven fics. I'll add more as they are completed and I read them.

Unwanted, Dead or Alive by fanficbug Explicit 29,666 “Logan,” Colossus chided. He turned his rage back on Colossus. “No. Fuck you, bolts for brains. No Deadpool? No. Fucking. Wolverine.” *** The X-Men of this universe want Logan to rejoin, but he's not interested unless they let Wade join too. Meanwhile, another threat makes itself known in the form of a skull-faced mercenary.

this one had a nice dose of action and pining and its just really great. i always like when these fanfictions feel like they are actually set in the world they are supposed to be in - with villains and danger just lurking about - and i always enjoy a good fight scene.

Newton's Third Law by capitalismwasamistake Explicit 30,385 “Come on, Wolfie, let’s not fight!” Wade sings as he evades the first swipe with an absurd dance move. “We’ll go dancing tomorrow night!” He retaliates with a kick to Logan’s jaw then both his katanas enter play. “Sorry, I know you wanted more of that song, but we don’t have the licensing budget. How about this instead? Stop!” “In the name of love–” “Before you break my heart–” *** Or, Logan is thrilled he can finally fight someone without holding back. Wade is horny and touch-starved. Oh, and there's The Problem.

this fic earned it's explicit rating. the dove is dead with this one folks. there is a lot of gore and fighting and a vivisection involved but it is a sweet story with a happy ending.

i’m just a human trying to avoid my certain doom (that is falling in love with you) by dazecorr  Teen+ 44,493 He shifted in his seat, the leather sticking to his skin as he absorbed Wade's colourful description. Gun. Even a knife would do. "Trust me, DP." Dopinder’s voice was earnest, almost pleading. "You'll see, everything will play out fine." With a final eye roll, Wade ended the call and slipped the phone into his pocket. As he opened the passenger door and climbed back into the Odyssey, Logan caught the tail end of a begrudging sigh. "Alright, Dopinder's playing the role of our cross-country cupid, so I guess we're doing this." Wade said, his voice cutting through the tension with its playful edge. "But if I end up thrown out of this 'soccer mom special' in the middle of the desert, I'm haunting you first." "Haunt away, you’ll just get a fist-full of salt thrown at your face." Logan muttered, a smirk threatening to break the stern façade. "Keep your hands off the radio." OR WHERE dopinder's getting married, vanessa is the best wing-woman, ellie is a gossip and logan is a very homosexual train wreck OR a poolverine slow burn-ish road trip fic in an immortalised honda odyssey.

im not typically a fan of road trip fics but i really enjoyed this one. it was quiet and soft story between these two. it explores both of them and their characters without the action or violence of the d&p movie.

[womanexile]

Lol- funny coincidences

ar.pinterest.com/pin/788974428462905373/ Lol, HS ended up as Eros on film- there was another pic with Psyche in background one time. When in Tokyo he listened daily to Paul M's Wings song ‘Arrow Through Me'. There's a Love is Blind myth with Cupid (Eros) & Psyche (kinda like Beauty & the Beast).

Shake it Off: "My ex-man brought his new girlfriend" (lol- x-men)

My Tears Ricochet: "And you’re the hero flying around, saving face" some are seen sympathetically- especially if admired for skills

The Archer "And all of my heroes die all alone" ? some are bachelors

Hoax: "You knew the hero died so what’s the movie for?" love is doomed

Lucas Till portrayed Alex Summers/Havok in X-Men movies (First Class, Days of Future Past, Apocalypse) "The producers told Till his audition served for both Havok and Beast, and the actor replied that despite his lifelong dream of playing a superhero, "I know you'll kill me, but if I get Beast, I'm not in the movie. I'm not going through that makeup everyday"

Someone mentioned her exes Marvel hero/villain links: Lucas, Tom, Jake, Harry

The guy (he used to date Twilight Ashley irl - JJ ex) in IKYWT later played Spiderman on broadway- Bono (U2) & The Edge music. (Other spidey links- Zendaya (MJ) was in her BB video, Andrew & Emma attended a couple of her events together, Jake (he dated Kirstin- MJ irl) was backup plan for Marvel in '03 when Toby had 'back issues'.

Her cats had a tee shirt Deadpool cameo- I wonder if they'll reference her again?

Funny but weird Midnights 'review'

bleedingcool.com/comics/5-superheroes-who-stayed-up-for-taylor-swifts-midnights-release/

I swear I think she’s gonna be in a marvel movie one day.

[theinsanecrayonbox]

Digging your tabletop pride icons! I like the filter effect they have! :-) Do you by any chance have a textpost of the characters and their sexual orientations/gender identities? I recognise some of your characters, but not all of them, and there are pride flags I've never seen before, so I'd like to learn more. :-)

well thank you. it was just a bit of photoshop work.

i do not have a list of that made up yet...so lets do that now lol

let me preface this though with two points.; 1) i am 1 of 2 females who play regularly in my dnd group of 6 (sometimes 7) people, the other is Dixon. so i am usually the only female in the party itself. i have only ever played 2 (and a half) male characters in the 6/7 years i’ve been playing; every other male character i do in my tabletop group arts are story characters, not player characters. i am also 1 of 2 (sometimes 3) people in the group under 40. romance isn’t really a big part of our storytelling...no matter how hard i try to put it back in there ^^; 2) i identify as quoisexual myself, so all my characters have that to some degree in them just because i’m the player and you bleed into your characters that way. i also use goggle as a helpful tool to learn about all the different identities, so my knowledge and interpretation is fallible.

ok so list now;

Paige-Cupioromantic, meaning does not feel attraction, but desires that type of relationship i went with this, because Paige....well...is Paige lol. as one player once said “it feels wrong trying to date her, because she acts so young and innocent” and to be fair, she isn’t really out here looking at people as romantic partners. she wants friends, she loves her friends. also you know, mortal embodiment of an eldritch horror terror, so...

Cizma-Fraysexual, meaning has strong attraction until a relationship is formed and then the attraction fades she’s the opposite of Paige, and this is mostly based on her “relationship” with InkShade honestly; she believes she’s madly in love with him, but he refuses her, so she pursues him more. i think if he gave into hr advances and reciprocated, she’d realized her feelings weren’t what she thought they were. i admit, this one’s new to me so my interpretation could be very wrong, but that’s how i feel it fits Cizma.

Ada-Quoisexual, meaning has trouble distinguishing between romantic and sexual attraction as i said above, my default is this, so if i don’t know a character’s leanings it’s their too (yes jelena is my icon and is this too fyi). BUT in fairness, it suits Ada because of how she was raised; she has very little idea how to properly people here. and she is developing some sort of a relationship with Til. also, her first dice bag was my pride bag with this flag.

Gauzra-Lithoromantic, meaning has desires of attraction, but does not want them reciprocated again, kind of supposed to be in opposite to Ada, and seeing as i still don’t know Gauzra’s personality this could change...but from my interpretation of her right now, this feels right. plus the flag goes with her color scheme.

Rosalba-Demisexual, meaning does not feel attraction until a strong bond is formed at the time i was playing Ro, this was how i identified primarily, but it still suits her i think. if you met Rico after meeting her, you would never know WHY they were a couple, but those two kinda fought against two life times to be together (three if you count the accent into godhood). Ro’s also never been good at getting close to people, but once she did, you’re stuck with her.

K’nessan-Nonbinary, meaning does not identify with a binary gender scale; Marsic, meaning is attracted to masculine qualities ok, ok, *technically* since Ness is a hermaphrodite they should be inter-sexed BUT they do prefer the gender neutral pronouns (followed by the masc; never use “it/that’ or you will die)...and their color scheme matches the flag, so... ^^; i also included in the list the Marsic because Ness does have a preference for male partners

Nemo-Asexual, meaning has no desires for attraction Nemo is nothing but a hero, so that pretty much screamed ace to me...plus it matched her color scheme

Mekala-Aromantic, meaning has no desire for attraction i wasn’t really sure about her, since you know 2 failed campaigns in a row didn’t give her much room to grow, but i could see this working. she’s not really looking for anything, more searching her past. 

Jass-Bisexual, meaning attracted to both males and females Jass is my sabretooth, so my sabretooth headcanons are canon for her lol. we only saw her have a relationship with fantasy!Deadpool in the game she was played, but hey

Tesla-Electio Aroace, meaning has no desire for attraction, whether sexual, romantic, or tertiary  i admit, this one is completely new to me, so my interpretation could be very wrong, but the idea that this is one that is uninterested in any form of attraction suits my viral android very well. again, she has gone on record saying that “the biological imperative for emotions is distractive” (more or less) which is especially funny since she was played in a valentines game where the goal was to let Cupid infect a town with horniness to make babies; Tesla was the only one unaffected and actively trying to stop that. so yeah.

Theo-Pansexual, meaning is attracted to any gender yeah, Theo’s just out there doing and being anything

Sean-Bisexual, meaning attracted to both males and females; he however has a stronger male preference i admit, one reason why Sean is bi and not just gay is for the “half and half” joke...but yeah, he started the game with a boyfriend, he would kill everyone for his boyfriend, he woudl die for his boyfriend.

Vitanya-Gynosexual, meaning attracted to feminine qualities still learning new things as we do this, but since Vita has had little development (but will be getting more) i’m kinda aiming to have her be a bit more into girls...we’ll see how that pans out

Lokaj-Androsexual, meaning attracted to masculine qualities originally i had him as something else, but when i saw that description i liked it better, since he ended up with Arkos and all

Arkos-Transgender, meaning identifies with a different physical gender than the one assigned at birth; Gay, meaning attracted to men going more off the latest version here than my previous one for this. but yeah, he’s just straight up trans here, not intersexed, and his tribe is cool with it. plus being a tribe means not enough money to get magic to physically change anything...but he’s ok with that. in his tribe it’s less what you have and more how to act.

Rikkar-Bisexual, meaning attracted to both males and females mainly because he did have a fiance...even though they weren’t super into the idea, they weren’t against it either...but he’s far more into Ark

Tarn-Lesbian, meaning attracted to women she has been a loud raging lesbian since day one, and nothing will ever change that. not even one continuity having her in a forced, bested in trial by combat, marriage to Starlord basically. she will only go for a dude if he’s a dragon...and he’s gotta be a hot dragon...and even then it win’t lasting dude.

Reyzah-Abrosexual, meaning one’s attraction is constantly changing or fluid Reyzah started as a knock-off tarn honestly and never got to thrive too much. but compared to her siblings, she was always the one learning and trying to figure herself out, so this fits well.

Margus-gay, meaning attracted to men Margus, similarly to his sister, started off as quiet nervous gay, and by the end of the adventure he had himself a doppleganger husband and confidence to boot, so yeah, my baby boy grew up good. admittedly a lot of his self-confidence issues were more from his half-orc heritage, BUT that fed into the “no one would wanna date me cause i suck” mentality. so yeah.

Nikkos-Asexual, meaning feels no desire for attraction he’s Margus’ twins, and was always intended to be some sort of ace. the joke being the Ironbrood kids are a full set; likes girls, likes guys, figuring things out, likes doughnuts. i waffled over making him a more defined type though...but since i’ve only played him for like one session as a background character, i’m not sure where he’s at. so general ace is fine. he loves and supports his siblings, and is best uncle to Margus’ kids anyways, so s’all good.

Jelena-Quoisexual, meaning has trouble distinguishing between romantic and sexual attraction i know i said up in Ada’s that Jelena was this too, but here i am saying it again since she’s my actual icon and not in the reffed to image set. i haven’t played her, so this could change...but i’m very self projecting on her during quarantine to begin with, so yeah she’s quoi until proven otherwise ^^;

so hope you found this informative...and that my information isn’t too terribly off ^^;;;

[blouisparadise]

Upon request, here is a rec list of bottom Louis fics with strong humor and banter in them. Happy reading!

1) Like An Animal (I Want To Feel You From The Inside) | Explicit | 4466 words

Harry and Louis get a little stuck. Literally.

2) Spice Up Your Life | Explicit | 9501 words

After a conversation with his Uni friends, Harry worries that his relationship with Louis has lost it's spark.

3) Maid In The A.M. | Explicit | 9118 words

“You’re not supposed to be here.” The lad frowned at him.

“Sorry,” Harry said automatically. Which, wait. No, that wasn’t right. “Um, actually, I sort of live here?”

Okay, that came out less firm than Harry would like, but it was still true.

The guy rolled his eyes. “Obviously.”

Harry had absolutely no idea what was happening.

4) Keep Holding Me This Way | Explicit | 13747 words

An English grad student, a frat jock, and an unimpressed rich boy walk into a bar. No one walks out.

5) Sweeter Than Wine | Explicit | 15339 words

When Wizard!Louis goes to a muggle club for a change of pace, his one night stand ends up being much more than he bargained for.

6) Friendly Neighborhood Spideypool | Explicit | 18705 words

“Don’t fuck with me, I’m not in the mood.” Louis’ got the urge to punch him in the face, but he knows deep down that if anything it’ll just add fuel to Harry’s innuendo fire.

“You know I only fuck you, not with you. There’s a difference. It’s slight but still there.” He’s joking, but it’s sincere in a way that only Deadpool could make it. It gives Louis a strange mix of emotions, his body doesn’t know whether to fill with butterflies or to knee Deadpool in the balls again for insinuating them fucking.

7) Let Me Make a Thing of Cream and Stars | Explicit | 24914 words

It doesn't explain why he's lying on the floor, with Harry Styles, of all people, planking on top of him.

As in, seventeenth most influential person in London, pop-star-turned-rock-star Harry Styles. The same Harry Styles who has had countless model girlfriends, left, right and centre. Also  the same Harry Styles who has been the subject of Louis' wet dreams since he was about eighteen.

8) A Whole New World | Not Rated | 24967 words

Louis has moved into his new apartment to start his new job as a teacher. Things would be great. If only his arsehole neighbour didn’t wake him up every morning by playing piano.

Shenanigans ensue. Like a very inadvisable kissing bet.  

9) Up To No Good | Explicit | 26525 words | Sequel #1 | Sequel #2

Harry doesn’t think of himself as a womanizer, not at all. Sure, he enjoys sex, enjoys how women feel underneath him, and by some people’s standards he has sex with quite a lot of people, but that’s no reason to tell him that he can’t have a female PA anymore.

It’s especially no excuse for giving him a male PA who’s possibly the most gorgeous boy in the world who won’t even let Harry look at him for too long.

Sometimes Harry hates his life.

10) The Forest For The Trees | Explicit | 28250 words

Louis and Harry had the ultimate roommates and best friends with benefits relationship until Harry suddenly ends the benefits part, shocking and hurting Louis in the process. He’s fallen in love with Harry, but is too scared to tell him the truth because he just does not do first moves. In the spirit of unrequited love and with a little help from Harry’s mother Louis decides to set Harry up with a series of horrible blind dates hoping his roommate will see dating is too much trouble and come back to him. In the end things don’t go as planned and Louis ends up sabotaging the one date he shouldn’t have, and it turns out Harry’s a bit of a sneak too.

11) Always Come Back To You | Explicit | 28862 words

“I’ll do it,” Harry offers brightly. No one even blinks. “I’ll do it?”

Louis sighs irritably. “Shut up,” he orders, tossing a pillow in the general direction of Harry’s face. This is a terrible time for jokes, especially Harry’s lame, old people ones.

Not that it was an old people joke. Just that most of the time Harry’s jokes consist of knock-knocks or terrible puns. The type of jokes old people like, Louis’ pretty sure. His nan always finds them hilarious when Harry tells her one.

Harry bats the pillow out of the air without even blinking. “Be reasonable, Lou,” he says in his most reasonable voice.

Louis is perfectly reasonable, thank you very much, and he’s also frustrated and upset and tired and he really wants to punch something. Maybe he should have held on to that pillow a little longer.

“You’re not gonna fucking do it,” he snaps. “That’s the last thing I need.”

12) Have You Coming Back Again | Explicit | 31086 words | Sequel

It’s five o’clock in the morning. Louis has a lecture at half eight. He could be using this time to study or to do his readings or to go to the gym, but - well. He doesn’t have any exams coming up, he’s not going to his seminar today anyway and he hates the gym.

Instead he’s using this time to fuck with Harry Styles’ poor little brain.

Louis jogs across the street and jabs the key into the car door. It opens easily, not that he was expecting anything else. He copied the key for a reason, after all.

He’s got Harry’s schedule memorized, more because the guy keeps following him around than anything, so he doesn’t bother looking around before climbing behind the wheel and setting his bag on the passenger seat. It’s a Monday, which means that Harry doesn’t even get out of bed before noon unless he’s planning on harassing Louis.

13) Blind From This Sweet, Sweet Craving | Explicit | 31170 words

“So, I guess we’ll go?” Louis asks later, when Harry has calmed down and eaten his weight in Chinese food. He plays with this chopsticks, spearing another piece of chicken and pops it in his mouth. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind. We could make it an adventure.”

Harry observes him, watches him seated across from him on their old living room carpet, with a container of food on his lap. He’s fidgeting, avoiding meeting Harry’s gaze–he probably knows that Harry’s mad at him for ruining the one chance they had to get out of this situation. And he’s not wrong, Harry is definitely very mad. Harry wants to strangle him and castrate him and smack him upside the head.

But he’s also Harry’s best friend, and despite everything, despite all the fuck-ups and the plot twists and everything just not playing out the way it should, he’d still rather be stuck in this situation with Louis than any of the other boys. He’s got Harry’s back, and in a weird, abstract way, he knows they’ll be able to get out of this situation, together.

Harry sighs. “We’re going,” he says resignedly, his shoulders slumping.

Oh well. There are definitely worse ways to spend the weekend than pretending to be engaged to his best friend.

14) Mine Now | Explicit | 32254 words

This is the story of how Harry finds himself pouting in Louis’ passenger seat with a raging boner on the way to seduce his ex boyfriend.

15) Cupid’s Chokehold | Explicit | 35326 words

Louis is a Cupid who tries to match up Niall and Harry. It doesn't work out as planned.

16) Is This Seat Taken? | Explicit | 35507 words

Louis makes a bet with Zayn that he can sneak into a music awards event without getting caught, and when he ends up posing as a seat-filling member of staff he runs into superstar Harry Styles and sparks fly.  Que the music.

17) The New Romantics | Explicit | 36100 words

After being blindsided and dumped by his boyfriend Isaac, Louis does the only thing he can do: wallow and mope. But when Harry tells Louis that karma’s going to get Isaac eventually, Louis decides karma isn’t moving fast enough. He takes matters into his own hands, and if he has to drag Harry into his schemes and seduction plans, then so be it.

18) Tangled Up In You | Explicit | 45152 words

Harry blinks once. And blinks again. And says, his voice dangerous: “Niall, did you get me a mail-order bride?”

Because what the actual fuck. It kind of looks like Niall’s just purchased a person. For Harry.

Niall blinks back at him for a few moments, before throwing his head back and howling with laughter. Harry throws a pillow at him. Hard. “No, what the fuck, Harry.”

“A prostitute then?” Harry also doesn’t want a prostitute.

“Of course not!”

“A stripper?”

“No!”

Damn, he’s running out of ideas. He settles for launching another pillow at Niall’s head. Niall bats it away easily, still laughing. “Stop!”

“What did you get me, then?!” Niall must hear the tinge of hysteria in his voice, because he’s pulling himself together, trying to stop himself from laughing.

There’s still a big grin on his face, though, when he says, “I got you a professional cuddler.”

A professional…what. “What?”

19) Don’t Tell the Gods (We Left a Mess) | Explicit | 71556 words

Note: Mention of BH.

After a misunderstanding with Liam’s mother, Louis agrees to accompany his best friend to a family wedding and pretend to be the world’s best boyfriend. But their simple plan goes awry when he learns that Harry, ex-boyfriend/ex-love of Louis’ life, will also be in attendance. (aka: fake!boyfriends with a twist ft. bromance, romance and cake.)

20) Waiting On You | Explicit | 76575 words

“Vampires,” Louis says with disgust, glaring over at the vampire who is noisily slurping from the woman’s neck nearby.

 Zayn gives the neat fang marks on Louis’ neck a meaningful look.

 “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them,” Louis finishes, ignoring Zayn when he rolls his eyes.

Louis takes a long sip of his milkshake, presses his fingers against the marks on his neck, and definitely doesn’t think about the vampire who left them there.

21) You Drive Me Crazy (But It Feels Alright) | Explicit | 102036 words

“Harry is not short for Harold,” he corrects, his voice as thick as molasses. He lowers his eyes to Louis’ sequined lapels, rubbing one between two fingers. “Is this small or extra small? It looks lovely.”

Louis breaks away from his grip with a petulant huff and pushes him back with two fingers.

“You’re mocking me. Again.”

Harry smiles and it's a real honest swoop of his lips this time. Louis’ stomach swoops with them.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[toomanysurveys9]

How many times have you ever ridden an elephant? once. we went to a circus once when i was younger and we rode one. Do you like cobblers? eh. they’re not my favorite, but i like pies. i’m weird i guess. What do you think about lord of the Rings? i love it. i have all of the hobbit and lord of the ring movies. What kind of cup did you last drink out of? it was a glass borderlands cup. Do you currently have any cuts or scrapes? not that i can think of. i have a bruise on my thigh though.

Did you like Barney as a child? i was obsessed with him once upon a time. lol. What color vacuum do you use? it’s white and blue. Do you have a lot of clothes hangers in your house? yeah. there’s a lot of people in this house. Have you ever been in a Latin class? nope. Have you ever had bubble gum stuck in your hair? i’m pretty sure it happened at least once as a kid. Is there any pet hair stuck to your clothing? alll the time. What do you smell? nothing right now.. Have you ever watched The Gremlins? i have not. i kind of want to though. What is your favorite type of seashell? conch shells. Do you love 3-D movies? eh. i prefer 2-d i think. Have you ever used Proactiv? i have not. Is your cell on charge? it is not. i haven’t really used it much today. Do you like dirt or sand better? sand. When’s the last time you had a hamburger? last night. Do you own an iHome? i do not. Do you own a BEST FRIEND charm or figurine? i do not. What do you think about rainbows? they’re pretty of course! Are you wearing anything on your head right now? i have a hair tie in my hair. that’s the closest thing. Are you watching cartoons? nope. i have the training going in the background. Do you own a pet spider? i would never have a pet spider. Do you like mouthwash? no. not even a little. Have you ever used a Ped-Egg? no. Do you like Olay products? i don’t use their products. Have you ever gone on a cruise? nope. Do you use green pens? they’re not my favorite, so not usually. Do you own anything that has a striped pattern on it? well, yeah. Do you watch Wheel of Fortune? not usually. i have though. Are there any fake tattoos on you? nope. just real ones. Can you roll your belly? no. When’s the last time you saw your grandpa? i saw one like an hour or two ago. i saw my other grandpa a week ago or so. Is there a rocking chair in your house? nope. Do you call your animals “baby names”? kind of i guess. Why does George Lopez say “I GOT THIS!!” in that voice? i don’t know. Do you have homework? i have coursework to do. but it isn’t really homework exactly. Have you ever gone to a Monster Truck show? i have not. might go next year with wyatt though. Well, have you ever seen the Nutcracker? on tv. Where did you get your bed sheets? my mom bought it. probably from walmart. Do you always use manners? for the most part. Have you ever been stood up? i guess so. yeah. Are your lips chapped? not right now. Have you ever been kicked in the throat? yeah. accidentally by my kids. lol. Do you own a fishtank? not anymore. When is the last time you were sick? last week i had a headache and felt just blah for a couple days. Do you like the song “Barbie Girl”? i guess so. more the memories of growing up though. What do you usually order from Taco Bell? cheesy gordita crunch. If you have a cell, is it touch screen? it is. i think most are these days. Do you own a feather boa? not since i was a kid. lol. Are you allergic to peanuts? nope. Do you wear ribbons in your hair? i do not. Did you get into the Livestrong bracelet kick? kind of, i guess. How many pictures are on the wall of the room you are in? none. Do you use cheat codes on video games? i did if my brother put them in for me. lol. Have you ever gone mudding on a fourwheeler? nope. Is there a rolly chair in your bed room? nope. What is your favorite flavor Jolly Rancher? probably watermelon or green apple. Who is your favorite super hero? star lord and deadpool. && who is your favorite Villan? the joker. and probably loki. Have you ever been to a church camp? yeah. we used to go almost every year. Is there a trampoline in your back yard? nope. erin wants one but i’m too worried about the kids getting hurt at this point. Have you ever played Dance Dance Revolution? yeah. i used to love it. Have you ever swam in a creek? i have not. Do you enjoy running? it’s not my favorite. lol. i need to do it more. How long has it been since you last slept? i might have dozed off on the third to last coursework videos. it was repetitive and boring. i still passed the quiz. What are your thoughts on Myspace? i used to be obsessed with everything about it. finding the perfect background, and the perfect sound, and top 8 friends. and if i was anyone’s top friends. i’m kind of glad it’s dead. lol. What is the last thing you dropped? i don’t remember. How many nickels are in your possession? probably a few. Is the sound on your laptop or computer turned off? it’s turned up. i have a coursework video going. How many items do you have in your “favorites”? i don’t know. nothing that i know of. Would you ever slide down a razor blade slide into a pool full of alcohol? probably not. the only way that would happen would be to save my loved ones. but i can’t imagine that ever being necessary. lol. What is the last infomercial you saw? i don’t remember. How many magnets are on your refrigerator? quite a few. How many keychains do you own? a couple. Do you own anything with a peace sign on it? not anymore. Have you ever been to Johnny Rocket’s? i have not. How many stuffed animals are in your room? quite a few. they belong to the kids. Look up, then to the right. What do you see? the curtains. Have you ever done the “Cupid Shuffle”. i have. we did it way too many times at our wedding because the little kids kept requesting the same songs over and over. lol. Do you know how to do the Solja Boy dance? i do not. When is the last time you wore shorts? this past summer. Do you like elevators or escalators? escalators. if they break, you just walk up or down it. Have you ever layed on a tampur pedic? i have not. i bet it’s lovely though. i can’t even tell you the last time we had an actual new bed. Have you ever been in Karate? i got to take one lesson. but we couldn’t afford it so we didn’t get to keep it up. What color is the nearest lampshade? i don’t even know. Is there anyone in the room with you? not right now. because i’m supposed to be doing coursework. i keep going back and forth. this one doesn’t have a test about it. How long has it been since you’ve eaten a Reese’s? it’s been a few weeks. When is the last time you went to Walmart? the beginning of the week. Do you own any body glitter? i do not. i used to love that shit . What brand of hair straightner do you own, if you own one? i don’t own one. erin does if i wanted to use one. What is your favorite brand of chips? i don’t know. i really like the honey wheat pretzels. What time was it 20 minutes ago? 3:07. When is the last time you pet an animal? today. Do you own anything from Aeropostale? nope.

[swingsetindecember]

my list of deadpool/cable fic needs 

wade unconsciously flirting with nate

nate actually is 100% down for what wade is suggesting

wade not believing it

nate having zero to no alcohol tolerance because the future is a garbage fire and resources are limite

nate being the laziest telepath

nate avoiding the xavier mansion like the plague lest he meet his parents

nate taking advantage of this timeline’s luxuries (bubble baths and wine coolers, lol)

wade and nate being each other’s moral compasses which is both horrifying and hilarious

wade continuously commenting that he’s taller

random facts about canada (i can dream)

russel, piotr, yukio, ellie, neena, vanessa and dopinder playing cupid’s advocate 

[phillslibraryeldarya]

20 questions

Thank you for tagging me @veroniquechaton 

Rules: Answer 20 questions, so your followers can get to know you better and tag 20 people who you’d like to know better. (I don’t know 20 people, sorry >.<)

Name: Philyan (not really but it’s the name I use, so that’s that)

Nicknames: Phill, Ilya 

Zodiac sign: Cancer

Height: 162 cm or 5′3′’

Languages spoken: German, English, a little bit French

Nationality: German

Favorite fruit: tomato (no kidding, it’s a fruit :D)

Favorite scent: Lemon/Lime or mint, or both mixed

Favorite color: HEX: 000d4e It’s like a dark blue with a little bit of green (yes, pretty extra, but I just love that color), also red and royal blue 

Favorite animal: dogs. Total dog-lover right here! Sea creatures are also pretty cool

Favorite fictional character: Deadpool

Coffee, tea or hot chocolate: That’s hard. But I’d had to choose coffee, because I can’t live without my daily dose of caffeine

Number of blankets you sleep with: two. always. I don’t care if it’s 40°C outside. 

When was your blog created: sometime last year? I don’t remember

Favorite subjects:( Funny enough, I had a distinct hatred for art back in school.) Physics and chemistry

Currently watching: nothing at the moment 

Favorite band: God there are so many to choose from. I don’t have a favorite music style. Maybe Bon Jovi or Fall Out Boy? 

Instruments played: No. Never. Nada. I suck at playing an instrument

Favorite books: Cupid and psyche by Max Klinger, because it has a huge nostalgia effect. Also some of Victoria Schwab’s books, because I do enjoy her style. Mostly changes every now and then

I don’t know (m)any people here (I’m shy °///°,nah but I do have trouble meeting people online, I never know how to start a written conversation) so sorry for double tagging someone. I just went through my list of people that I follow:@nanw-mcl , @skadess , @eritea-09 , @ondriaprice , @loonylein , @leiftan-chou , @barbecuedphoenix , @tiaruivaz , @foresthuntermajrach , @inky-imagines @incorrecteldarya @drawingcookiex3 @elchustells

[rachhroth]

30 questions ask~

tagged by: @minhoswhitehair (OMG HI 💞)

nickname: rach, rakel, raquelle, rachie, rachellie (although i HATE this one ,,) it seems that different people have different names they want to call me so i respond to anything

zodiac: cancer 🦀

height: 5'9

age: 16!!

time: [4:31pm]

favorite band/ artist: DAY6!!!!!!

song stuck in my head: cupid by pH-1 (it's a bop, i DEFINITELY recommend)

last film i watched: deadpool

other blogs: @woojinhoons (i made like 10 trash "edits" but i oh well)

do i get asks?: no :"( but i don't really do anything much to get them sooo

why i chose this username: bts used to be my top group and i thought i was soo cool (lmao) bc of the pun from mary poppins 🙄 i want to change it, but my creativity level is -6382846 :(

following: 638 (i follow so many good content creators ;;)

amount of sleep i get: loooool my sleep ranges from 9hrs to 3hrs real quick

lucky numbers: 7 and 13 (i loove odd numbers)

what i'm wearing: a 1995 shirt, black jeggings, white converse, my mom's glasses from the 90s, and my hair is in a half-up half-down hairstyle with two ponytails (it was theme day in my high school and juniors had the 90s for our decade hajsjdjdj)

dream job: idk yet, but i love science and problem solving so it will probably be around those lines

favorite food: chicken parm!!

instruments: piano, viola, ukulele, vibraphone, and i can play (but not too good) tenor saxophone

sports: i used to play softball when i was 6 to freshman year, but i quit bc my school's team sucked lol (i miss playing, but it was too much for my grades anyway)

hair: i recently dyed my hair to a darker, cool toned brown but it's normally a dark, warmer toned brown if you get what i mean??

eyes: blue gray

most iconic song: last christmas by wham! bc i love the 80s and i wish i got it for my spirit week decade :"(

languages: english and i know some spanish and like 1% korean since i listen to kpop and watch kdramas y'know

random fact: my pinkies are abnormally small and are an inch and a half shorter than my ring fingers

describe yourself as aesthetic things: stargazing, reading books in a coffee shop, oversized sweaters/ hoodies

favorite songs: tell me - groovyroom, sik-k, & giriboy; laputa - dpr live; any day6 song aksjdnmdfk; run - bts (there's so many i have to stop here,, it really depends on my mood)

tagging: @brylusional @curledlife @animalcrosser11037 @syncxpate @hrtsclub

[you don't have to, but i thought this tag was pretty cool!]

[ldrmas]

Spn 13x13 Commentary

Okay that had some bad but i seriously enjoyed myself for about 85% of it. I am really surprised because i was seriosuly giving up on this season. But despite being a bucklemming epis it was still good. I hope you all had a good time despite the bad. See you all again on March 1st. Stupid gosh darn break!! 😭😭😭 Enjoy guys luv ya all! " Here we go No blood on his collar Get your hands off misha So he still has his grace So thats how he got the blood Oh there she is oh never mind Cupid!! Oh wow grace from a Cupid No!! No your not!! Oh gawd fighting husbands Luci is hungry lolz Ketch!! Why is luci a beggar Oh another faith healer She is an angel Getting our son back!! Donnie is back!!! Its been a while since we've since that baby Good old angel radio NOW THERE SHE IS! looks like deadpool Oh gosh here we go Love that name No cause shes a badass Whoot whoot I am so turned on by her Shes a business woman luci shes saying that to play you Ew just ew Winchesters are a coming Ketch!!! Kill him!!! JUST KILL HIM BACK UP! Way to go Cas!! We should deal with Ketch first Ew just ew This is worse than vamp porn Yep way worse I hate this alot Cas feels love for dean Same thing with Cas. Up there Cas is noone but down here he matters to Dean Ew just ew how much do i have to say this Oh its Asmo!! Evil coronal sanders finally got his chicken! Ketch is still in the trunk! Cas wait in the car incase ketch gets out of trunk Wait how is he holding that No you dont get to call him that! U only call Cas that!! Told you!!! Does he have a new tie?? Man Cas is angry He has a point but this is how we screw ourselves Why are they back at the sand box Bullshiz he cant make angels! Oh gawd flying angels again thats the last thing we need Not that i believe Luci can do it to begin with Do they know donnie is referring to Asmo No no no no Wow we finally see Heavens throne Oh gawd now what WE FINALLY GET AN ARCHANGEL BLADE!! Gabriel is Back!!! Ohmygawd yes!!! Its a deadpool thing people!! THATS A DEADPOOL REFERENCE! But of course Asmo would hate Gabe's voice, he only likes hearing himself talk Im so excited Noo its a break!! We dont get another until march 1st!!! No i cant deal with a break up right now i just cant!!!!!!!! "

[albion19]

Ring of Fire

Deadpool inspired AU. @dontbeallupinmyfriesdawg (you said to tag you)

Or read it on Ao3

“Phasmatos incendia!”

They say that it can take a fifth of a second to fall in love. Now you might not believe me but it’s a scientific fact. They cut out a dude’s brain and weighed it or something but that doesn’t matter. Falling love is a rush, a hit or in my case a deluge of magic released from a 5’2 witch who has literally just set my ass on fire. Johnny Cash had it right, love fucking burns.

*

As a siphoner exiled from the coven that by rights should be mine I found myself at a disadvantage. But I haven’t let that stop me. If a coven, say south of the Mississippi, needed someone dead and that someone was a vampire? A vampire who has a drinking problem and liked to sleeze on pretty underage girls? Shit I’d almost do it for free.

Not really. I get paid with magic and money but mostly magic.

Damon Salvatore and his Boarding House of Horrors. He had slaughtered a coven during the 80’s or something and so far had got away with it. So I got amped on witchy woo and headed to Virginia for what I thought would be a simple vamp barbecue. I thought I’d even make a vaca of it, see some family…

I thought most of the Bennett witches burned in 1790. Clearly not.

*

She slammed me back out of the house with a vicious motus and now I’m on the grass. I’m attracting moths. I can see them fluttering. No, that’s my hair.

Bonnie someone shouts and the most beautiful woman in the world looks down at me. Her wavy brown hair glints in the fire, her green eyes shining like emeralds. The grass starts to burn around her feet. It could almost be romantic.

“…Hi.”

She screams and jerks back. “You’re alive?!”

“Only on the inside.”

She gasps and waves her hand and the flames dwindle until I lay smouldering. Smells like BBQ.

“Uh I’m like pork crackling. It’s making me hungry, is that gross?”

She grimaces as my skin starts to heal. I hope she stays around long enough to see me all shiny and new. “Oh my god. What – what the hell are you? You almost killed Damon!”

“He isn’t dead? Damn it. I wasn’t sure the shot landed between you setting me on fire and throwing me out the window. That was awesome, by the way.” I sit up and she looks aside. I’m half naked. My dick will have scabs. I cross my arms over my chest and start to shiver. She gives me furtive looks. She’s so pretty I want to staple my eyes open. 

“You better go or I’ll set you on fire again.”

“Promise?”

I smile and she frowns down at me. Am I making a good impression? The borrowed magic inside me is exploding, a butterfly orgy. If anything it feels replenished. Am I soaking her up without realising it? God I wanna roll her up and eat her she’s so cute. She growls at me as I get on my knees.

“Just go!”

“I’ll only come back. I had a mission and I haven’t finished it.”

“To kill Damon? I won’t let you.”

“Then you better give me your sweater.”

“What?” she blinks.

“If you’re not gonna let me go then can I wear your coat? Or are you just gonna use me and leave me like this?” I motion at my bare chest, which is now completely healed. Bewildered she watches as I get to my feet and stretch. Her eyes totally flick down to my navel before snapping back to my face. Ha.

“I…I didn’t say I wasn’t gonna let you go.”

“Yeah you did. I don’t usually get captured but I admit defeat,” I offer my wrists to her but she stands there frozen, her cupid-bow mouth open in a perfect circle of confusion. Wicked, lovely thoughts fill it.

“What?”

“Take me, I’m yours.”

“You – what?”

“Or you can let me go? I kill Damon and then we can go play some Skee Ball? Do you have that here? I also like ping pong.”

“Oh my god please stop talking,” she cradles her head, looking at the ground and then with sharp movements she rips off her long coat and flings it at me. It’s too small but it feels good against my skin. She smells like honey and magic.

I suck the traces of magic from the fibres and follow her away from the boarding house. Her friends have left her.

*

She drives me to a rundown old plantation house and I get stiff even before we reach the property. I hide it with her coat.

“Hundreds of witches died here a long time ago. It’s a magic hot spot so don’t think you can mess with me here. They burned to death,” she adds significantly, cruel, as she pushes me through the door.

“Oh, this place is a crack den to someone like me.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing. So do you bring all your dates here?”

“This – this isn’t a date. You’re such a weirdo.”

Shaking her head she leads me down a hall towards a grand but dilapidated bedroom. I fling myself onto the bed which expels a puff of dust, making us both cough. She tells me not to move, those feline eyes slitted before rummaging around under the bed. I hear some rattling and smile as she brings out a length of chain. She’s obviously done this before. It sends a spike of jealousy through me but I’m too turned on to focus.

I open my mouth to speak – didn’t even buy me dinner, not even first base – when she lifts a long slim finger and tells me to shut up.

“It’s only been an hour but I know every gross thing that’s flapping around inside your head. So keep it to yourself.”

I smile and zip my fingers across my mouth. I watch her as she goes about chaining my wrist with a manacle and then climbs up on the bed to fasten the other end to the top of the metal bed frame. She’s so small she has to stand on tip toe to reach. The butterflies in my stomach are waltzing and dinning. Foreplay is next.

“You want some help?”

“I want you to keep quiet.”

I tickle her ankle and she kicks me in the chest. I grab her foot and she looks down at me with murder in her eyes. I want to kiss her feet, grovel like a dog.

“You kidnapped me, all for a vampire who has a longer rap sheet than I do. Let me do my job unhindered and I promise I’ll come right back.”

She stares at me for a long time before she laughs, pulling her leg away. “I didn’t kidnap you, you’re insane. You’re a killer.”

“I am but I only hurt bad people. Are you like the reverse of me? You protect killers and abusers? What’s the salary like? No judgement, just curious.”

I know this seems like the wrong thing to say as she proceeds to give me the worst aneurysm I’ve ever had but it does serve a purpose. She screams a spell and snaps her hand into a fist and my head flares white like a star going super nova. Fuck she’s powerful.

Powerful but self-agonising. No self-respecting witch lowers themselves for vampires and she knows it. I’m going to kill them and save her. I’ll do it for free.

*

“What’s your name?”

“Kai Parker…Hey you’d be Bonnie Parker if we got married. Like Bonnie and Clyde? That’s neat.”

She excels a long breath before talking. “What were you promised for killing Damon?” she sits in a chair at the end of the bed.  She had talked to her friends on her phone but warned them to stay away. She didn’t want our alone time interrupted. Sweet.

“Ten thousand dollars and a season ticket to see the Seattle Mariners.”

“Ten thousand dollars to kill a vampire?” her eyes bug out of her head.

“That’s chump change. Bagging an Original is in the millions because of the domino effect.”

Bonnie sits back in her chair in amazement and then laughs. “My mom took down Mikael and now she lives in the middle of nowhere and sells paintings on Etsy.”

“Money isn’t everything…it makes up like 40% of my pie…I heard what your mom did, we all did in Oregon. Being a badass runs in your family. Your talents are wasted.”

“Trying to butter me up won’t work.”

“I’m not, it’s just the truth but now you’ve said that I’m starving. Seriously I’m seeing it running all over your skin like honey.”

“You’re gross,” she says but this time she looks away with a small oh my god is this guy for real smile.

“Wanna go for some Korean? My friend Oscar makes a mean Dak Galbi and he taught me how. Is there a kitchen here?”

“Yeah but no one’s lived here for like fifty years. Anyway no one is cooking anything.”

“I get cranky if I don’t eat.”

“Good.”

*

“Thanks for the pants. I found a stick of gum in the pocket.”

“Lucky you,” she paces before the bed, looking suspicious. It’s been hours and the butterflies have now settled down and promises of marriage is on their minds. I twist the silver foil into a band around my finger.

“You’re looking antsy, you should relax,” I pat the mattress but she ignores me.

“If someone paid me a lot of money to get a job done I would not let myself get willingly captured.”

“Uh you did light me up like a Fourth of July cracker.”

She waves her hand. “You walked it off. I’d still like to know how?”

I wave my hand right back at her, making the chain swing. “Just a little transference.”

She frowns but quickly understands. “You mean you transferred your injuries to someone else?! You’re a witch?!”

“Yeah. They deserved it. Like I said I only target bad guys.”

“But you’re still here. You could escape anytime you wanted if you’re a witch.”

“I could yeah but you captured me fair and square. Do you wanna come back to Portland with me?”

She blinks and then laughs in shock. “What? No.”

“Oh, thought I’d ask. Is it the weather? It’s not raining all the time.”

“It’s not the rain. You’re an assassin! I’ve known you for four hours.”

“I know it’s crazy right? It only took one fifth of second for me to know.”

She steps closer, frowning. “Know what?”

“That we’d get married one day.”

She scoffs and leaves the room. I sigh, watch her go and it actually hurts. 

“Damn, you’re fucking whipped man.”

“Oscar! My little dumpling. Sorry I’m really hungry.”

A short, middle aged Korean man stands by the wall with a grin. My childhood friend, partner in crime and fellow siphoner. I used to buy pot off him at magic school, that’s how we met. He’s my best friend and when I got out of my prison world he took me in after my coven shunned me. Not like I was their leader or anything…

“Ssh. I don’t want her to roast me alive too. She got you good huh? I found scorch marks.”

“I’m in love.”

“I heard. It must be like Inside Out inside you right now, those little guys running around and freaking out.”

“I feel really weird but it’s a good weird. I’m gonna handcuff her to me and bring her to Portland.”

He winces, shaking his head. “Uh, ask her out on a date, that might work better. Handcuffs are only for police officers and role plays”

I nod. Oscar usually reels me in when I’m like this. Thank fuck he arrived. “Right. Okay. So good news?”

“Okay so previously on the Siphoner Diaries: I decapitated Damon Salvatore and I’m about to go back to New Orleans to present his fangs.”

I smile. “Under normal circumstances I’d be bummed but I’d give you my entire fang collection if it meant she’d set me on fire again.”

Oscar places a hand to his chest. He’s a good man, a complete hippy shit but a good man. “Damn, I’ve never seen you like this before. I’m so happy for you man, sincerely. So you’re staying put?”

“For now,” I say as he moves back into the shadows as Bonnie approaches. “I’m gonna take her back to Portland with me. Not in a bad way, I’ll do it right. We’re gonna have triplets.”

Oscar looks at the tattered remains of my clothes and chains before disappearing. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

“Who was that?” Bonnie demands, entering the room.

“A ghost from a Korean horror movie, thank god you got back,” I say as she scans the room but Oscar is gone. We decided to split the winnings, no matter who bags the head. It’s how we work. Bonnie rolls her eyes and moves to the side of the bed. She sighs. She doesn’t look upset so I guess she doesn’t know yet.

“I got you a Twinkie, it was in my car. It’s probably a dozen years old but -” I snatch it out of her hand before she can finish and rip it open with my teeth.

“Fanks.”

*

“You killed him!” she screams, slapping me out of a daze. The candy was nice but not enough. Even as an acne ridden teenager I knew the importance of a nutritional diet. No one else was gonna look after me.

“Huh?”

“Damon! He was killed!”

“Well it wasn’t me. You’re my alibi.”

“Then who was it?!” she hisses, kneeling on the bed. God she smells so good. I want to lick her. I bet I could taste her magic in her sweat because I can smell it she’s so close. She yanks at my hair and I laugh.

“I don’t know! Probably another competing merc. We all get offered the assignment. It wasn’t me.” I shrug and I watch the anger drain from her face, replaced with guilt.

“Oh god, this is all my fault.”

“Hey, no it’s not. Come on, was he really your friend?”

“Yes!”

“When’s his birthday?”

“Uh…”

“What’s the last thing he texted you?”

“…I need a favour.”

“Which was?”

“None of your business,” she snaps.

“Did he say thank you? I’d say thank you.”

“Like you have any friends.”

“I do, a good one and we appreciate each other. I get that and I’m a fucking freak of nature. You deserve nothing less.”

She sits weakly, all fight gone and tears rim her eyes. She has long, fluffy black eyelashes, like spider legs. They’re drowning and I wipe the tears away with my thumb. She lets me. “You don’t know anything about me.”

“I want to. Why do you think I’m here? A fifth of second is all it took.” 

She stares at me for a long scrutinising time before shaking her head and looking aside. “You’re a sociopath.”

“Kinda, I mean I was. It’s a long story. So now that I’m no longer in Buffy mode you wanna hang out for real? Do you like Karaoke?”

She sniffs, blinking and then gives a small nod. “Yeah.”

“Awesome.”

*

“The taste of love is sweet When hearts like ours meet I fell for you like a child Oh, but the fire went wild…”